#he pushed through the darkness and was rewarded with friends and a weasel

[steamclouds]

Trying to put together another timeline for Voradras

[orbitswriter]

pairing: male!reader x Jack

rating: 18+ nsfw, smutty action

Kink list: humiliation (including

the word 'fag' and 'sissy' a few times),

watching porn, jerking off, being

caught jerking off.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Theres always something peaceful about the rain, even when your driving and it makes it harder to see. I was stuck inside with nothing to really but watch the rain gather on my bedroom window, my room Sean had been gone most of the day, off filming some youtube video in his office, and I was stuck at home with nothing to do but watch as the rain covered the streets of Brighton and cars drove past the house. I had nothing but my imagination to turn to... sure I could turn on the tv and watch something but it would probably turn into endless scrolling before eventually giving up and going back to staring out the window, so I was going to cut out the middle part and just stare.

I glanced at the clock, who knows how long Sean will be gone. My mind wonder to a more naughty place, having a roommate had it disadvantages when it came to getting some personal one on one time with yourself. Fuck I was horny, but their was nothing new about that, I had a pretty high labido, pretty much ready to go whenever someone said the word. I turned toward my computer in my chair, a blink email open to my boss... oh right, I was trying to get work done at one point.

I opened incognito mode on my browser and typed pornhub before letting it load, it could be a little to tame sometimes for my taste but at the moment I just wanted to have something to lazily jerk off too. When the sight loaded my eyes were assulted with naked women, I scrunched up my nose a bit. Not what I wanted to see at the moment. I quickly got to the gay side with a few clicks and looked at the some of the thumbnails, I came to someone who looked a little like Sean, I bit my lip. Typical gay boy falling for his straight friend, well more lusting after but still. I clicked on it turning down my speakers so if Sean did come in he wouldn't just hear porn blasting.

I slide my sweat pants down enough to let my cock free, already hard aching to get some attention, I teased myself, only letting the tips of my fingers lightly brush along the length of my cock. I let out a  frustrated breath, my mind to weak to deal with even me teasing myself at the moment - its been too long. I wrap a hand around myself letting out a soft moan as I do so, my attention turning to the man on the screan,  who was also jerking himself off, mumbling dirty things to the camera.

"I bet you like watch me jerk off don't you? yeah touch your pathetic cock fag" came from my speaker, the male had a deep voice.

He was putting it on a little thick, not that I don't like being degraded but sometimes pornstars should just shut up. I went with it though;

"oh fuck yes" i answered the man who couldn't hear me.

I found my imagination doing what it does best, imagining it was Sean, the voice was to different, but the body build and face worked out, so I did my best to look past the voice. I stroked myself a little faster, I wanted to enjoy it but their was always that little bit of anxiety that Sean might have weaseled his way into the house with out making any noise and would catch me.

"Thats right - I bet you wish you could suck it, don't you sissy?"

"pls, sean" I find myself whining as I tilt my head back allowing my mind to do whatever it wanted to get me off, the mans voice slowly started to sound like Seans.

"That's right you'd do anything for an alpha like me wouldn't you?"

"god, fuck, yes~" I moan getting lost in the image of Sean stroking himself in front of me, teasing me, not letting me touch him only allowing me to watch "Sean, fuck, please" i begged outloud.

"Oh god, I might use your throat as a cock warmer later"

"Please Sean I want it" my hand move faster as I was getting closer to cumming.

"y/n?" the door opened and I gasped, I tried to stop myself but I came hard as Sean walked through the door with a strangled moan.

ooOOoo

{ Sean's Pov }

I had gotten done with my filming a little earlier then I thought I would have, and went straight home after locking up the office. I huffed as I hadn't brought an umbrella with me, so I'd be walking back in the rain with no protection. stupid wheather. I walked as quick as I could back to my house, jogging the last block, even then I still got pretty wet, my hair dripped along and my sweated was soaked.

I quickly got inside dripping on the floor should clean that before y/n sees, he tries so hard to keep the house clean for both of us, I don't expect him to, but it is nice that he does most of the cleaning.

"Sean" I hear y/n moan, I freeze, was he.... No, why would be calling out my name while doing that? he must of been hurt that was it.

"y/n?" I call.

"Sean please" another moan from his room.

I walk to his room slowly drying off as I dripped all over the house. I thought about knocking but instead I just opened the door, I heard y/n gasp then watch in shock as he came, I froze in place. He was moaning my name... I swallowed dryly, feeling a bit of arousals gather itself in me and watched as y/n scrambled closing out of the tab he was watching, the moans of the other male cutting abruptly as he did so. He tucked himself back into his sweats and gave an awkward cough.

"Knockings a smart thing to do" he says simply, his whole face a light shade of red from embarrassment.

"Sorry, I..." I paused "I heard my name"

This makes y/n eyes widden "oh..." he says before licking his lips, his eyes move up and down my body linger near my package for a little bit "you're wet" he says.

"yeah..." I nod its awkward, but I know what I want to do, I want to march over their and pull y/n into a kiss before demanding he fix the problem he made.

"you should -" I pulled him up by the shirt pressing my lips to his, I didn't give him a chance to kiss back before I pushed him onto his knees.

I slipped my jeans off before sitting down in his chair and looked down at a shocked y/n. I smirked a bit enjoying the confusion and excitment that was mixing on the boys face.

"are you going to fix this?" I asked pointing to my still covered dick, it was pressing against my boxers, begging for attnetion from y/n.

"If I dont?" he asked.

I raised an eyebrow - of course he's the bratty type, anything to get a rise of out the dom. I shrugged a bit "Don't make me force you" I simply say, I had been with his type before... maybe not ever a guy but girl versions of it.

"You won't" he smirked challenging me.

I waisted no time grabbing his hair and forcefully pulling him closer and pressing his face into my lap "really now?" I smirk "come on don't make this hard for yourself"

Y/n sat for a minute probably processing what was happening. I wondered if he would try testing me to see how far I would go with this whole thing. As he stayed still I got my answer. I pulled him away harshly before slipping my boxers off and storking myself.

"You're being very disobedient" I said tightening my grip on his hair, a small whimper escaping his throat a I did so, I pulled him back to my dick "Lick" I say.

This time he obeys licking strips up my cock, I let out a low moan loosening my grip on his hair "good boy" I say "make me cum and maybe I'll reward you with the same kindness" I push my food into his buldge, he lets out a moan before pushing attempting to grind against my foot. I pull it away with a small chuckle as he whines at the loss. I moan as he takes me in his warm mouth.

"Fuck yeah baby, take it" I moan stopping myself from fucking his throat, I wantd to savor the pleasure for awhile.

I watched as y/n bobbed his head up in down, taking my cock little by little, I already felt close, it had been far to long since I had been with anyone, hopefull y/n was new long term play thing for me... maybe somethubg more. I push his head down all the way thrusting my cock into his throat as I stood, he gages at first but slowly he relaxes allowing me to do what I want without struggle.

"fuck y/n" I can't hell but moan "shit, I'm cumming" my hips stutter and I prop myself up with the desk as I cum down his throat allowing myself to ride it out, I feel hin swallow around my cock making me moan a bit. I fall back into the chair my cock leave y/n mouth as I do.

Y/n catches his breath and I look down at him, seeing a small dark patch in his sweats.

"Did I make you wet?" I smirk only earning a glare from him, I chuckle pushing my foot into his buldge once more and rubbing him through his sweats, he moans probably still sensitive from cumming before.

"Sean" he seens to beg.

I stop and pull him onto my lap effortlessly, allowing his legs to on either side of my right leg.

"hump my leg and make yourself cum like the little bitch you are" I say looking up into his eyes.

I wonder if he'll listen, or if he'll just call it off, we haven't talked kinks or anything before this so I was swinging blind. But as y/n props his his hands on my chest and slowly started humping my leg I relax, watching him.

"thats right, just like that, let md hear you moan" I say.

Y/n response with a moan moving his hips faster on my thigh chasing after his orgasam. I smirk as he whines obviously close by the way his hips are moving.

"Cum, make a mess in your pants" I whisper close to his ear.

Thats all it seemed to take, I watch as his gray sweat pants got a bit darker and smirker, I pushed my leg up into it earning a strangled whimper.

"Don't, sensitive" he whined as he laid his head on my shoulder, leaning his body into mine.

ooOOoo

{ Y/n Pov }

I felt tired but I wanted to stay awake to talk aboout what happened. I felt Sean slip off my pants and clean us both up with the tissues I had on my desk. He picked me up and carried me to my bed, I thought he would leave once he put me down but he crawled in with me, pulling me into his chest.

"Sean?" I questioned.

"I liked cuddling after sex" he said simply.

Of course he did. "What was that?"

"what do you want it to be?" he pulled away a bit so we could look at one another.

"...Something more then just sex?" I say.

"okay, I wouldn't mind that" Sean smiled a bit making my heart flutter.

"but you're-"

"I swear to got of you say I'm 'straight' after what happened back their I'm smacking you" he cut me off.

I went quiet, he had point, but still. I decided maybe it didn't matter, maybe all that mattet was I was with Sean now. So I cuddled back into him and closed my eyes, more then ready for sleep. Beford drifting off I felt him press a soft kiss into my head.

[phobiadeficient]

I love your writing! sniper ignores scout because he is busy then scout gets mad and tries to make him jealous

scout getting In Trouble because he makes a dumb choice when he’s mad aka my favorite shit. (warnings for very possessive behavior)

-

Sniper didn’t know that he was the jealous type. He really didn’t. But apparently, somehow Scout knew that he was.

It wasn’t hard to piece together how things played out. He’d fallen way behind on plenty of the things he’d been needing to do (mostly assorted chores and upkeep) because of a certain speedster and essentially told said speedster to fuck off and leave him alone while he caught up on them. And maybe he’d been a little harsh, but only because every time he was anything less, Scout somehow always managed to weasel his way back in again without any consequences.

Regardless, the first weekend he had without interruption was extremely productive, and by the second weekend he was back to what he assumed would be a reasonable level of caught up on cleaning and laundry and maintenance, and decided to reward himself by going out with the rest of the team on the usual Friday night bar crawl. And he figured, hey, halfway through the night the team usually descended into chaos and started splitting off to do their own thing in different places, and maybe he could snag Scout and pull him off to a motel somewhere, some place with a real bed where they wouldn’t get in much trouble for making too much noise. That sounded nice.

But then at the very first place they stopped at, Scout did a little something he hadn’t done for roughly as long as it had been since he and Sniper started “hanging out” more, standing up from the group and walking off towards the bar itself.

“Where’s he going?” Demo asked, chuckling a little.

The answer was made clear pretty quickly as Scout took a seat next to a young woman sitting at the bar and visibly started a conversation. Behind his sunglasses, Sniper’s eyes narrowed.

As much as the team liked to make fun of Scout for being a complete dork, he did legitimately know how to talk to girls, how to make them laugh and be likeable, or at the very least endearing. So it didn’t take long before the jealousy mounted, seeing how the young woman was leaning in, nodding, smiling, laughing.

Usually frustration and anger mounted in Sniper as a slow build, a rising tide. A series of irritations over and over that eventually resulted in him boiling over in one way or another.

This time it wasn’t slow or gradual at all, it was hitting all at once. Zero to a hundred in three moments that happened back to back.

First, Scout said something and winked at her.

Second, she leaned in and put a hand on his arm, only for it to migrate to his chest, there at the center of his sternum.

Third, Scout glanced over and looked Sniper directly in the eye, smirking.

Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable. He was doing it on purpose. He knew he was pissing Sniper off. He knew he was pissing Sniper off and he was having a wonderful time with it.

Sniper stood up. Scout’s expression fell.

The girl glanced over her shoulder by the time Sniper got there to see what exactly Scout had gone white as a sheet about, but he didn’t bother her, just grabbing Scout by back of his neck and bodily steering him out the door.

“Woah—woah! Woah, Snipes!” Scout started in, stammering.

“Shut up,” Sniper snapped, shoved him out the door. He heard their teammates trying to call out to them, but he ignored them.

Once they were out of the bar, Sniper grabbed onto his arm instead of his neck just to avoid getting any looks, but his hold was just as tight as before. Scout hadn’t stopped stammering.

“I, look, I wasn’t—it—I was doin’ a bit! It was a joke, I just thought—“

“A joke?” Sniper all but snapped, and Scout seemed to recoil.

“Yeah, I—I went up to her and I was like ‘yo hey my friend bet me twenty bucks I couldn’t get your number, pretend to laugh for a minute and give me some fake number and I can cut you in for ten bucks or a drink’ and she thought that was pretty funny so she went with it and I—I just, you’ve been all busy and fuckin’ ignoring me for like two weeks—and I, I just wanted to make you, I, I dunno—“

“Jealous?” Sniper asked, voice dark, and Scout gulped audibly. “Thought you’d be cute, did you?”

Scout tried to start talking a few times, and stammered out each one.

“Well good job, you got what you wanted,” Sniper muttered, glaring straight ahead. A group of three people ducked straight out of their way on the sidewalk as they passed them. “Happy now?”

Scout didn’t say anything, apparently realizing that he was only getting himself into more trouble.

Two blocks down from the bar was a motel, and Scout had the good sense to just do as he was told for a moment and wait for Sniper. Sniper got a motel room in less than three sentences and was pushing Scout in the door within two minutes, and then Sniper locked the door, and then Scout was against the door.

“Well, I’m not ignoring you now. You have my full attention,” he all but growled, and Scout flushed. “And you were bloody going to have my full attention, you absolute piker. Came out here with the blokes because I’m caught up now, thought I’d treat you for the night to apologize for disappearing on your for a bit. Then you decided to throw a tantrum.”

Scout swallowed hard, adam’s apple bobbing visibly. He got his voice back after a second. “...But I did make you jealous?” he asked a little weakly.

“Yes. You did,” Sniper snapped, and kissed him.

He had Scout melting and falling apart against the door within minutes, having nipped his way up and down his neck and having half a mind to do it to all the rest of him, too. He got Scout to his feet enough to drag him over to the bed, pressing him down into the mattress before either of them even had their shoes off.

“Mine,” he snarled into a particularly harsh love-bite just below Scout’s jaw, and it had Scout gasping hard, hips jerking up against him.

“Fuck,” Scout panted, and started fumbling to try and get his shirt off.

He didn’t get very far, mostly because Sniper practically ripped it off of him, the button of his pants nearly popping off as those went as well, and then Sniper was biting his way across the freshly-bared skin, marking Scout up as much as he could manage as quickly as possible, rough and demanding.

Scout, to his credit, arched up into it and groaned for more.

He found himself lingering there at Scout’s chest, nipping over and over at Scout’s sternum. And he tried to remind himself that it wasn’t real what that girl was doing, it didn’t mean anything, but he fixated there regardless, nipping again and again until Scout’s hands buried into his hair and urged him to go somewhere else.

He did, sinking down between Scout’s legs and pulling his briefs off, starting to bite and suck marks into the inside of his thighs, where nobody else would see except for him and Scout. He worried each spot until it was red, until it was sure to turn purple by morning, until Scout’s hips bucked and he needed to be bodily pinned down to keep still.

Sniper fished the packet of lube from his pocket, having gone out prepared, and started working Scout open as he continued leaving mark after mark. He barred one forearm across the space just below Scout’s ribs to hold him down as he sucked more marks into the divots of his hips and Scout responded with verve, moaning and pleading and scrabbling at the sheets and trying to roll down against Sniper’s fingers.

And he stripped as far as shoving down his pants enough to free himself before he was pushing in, pushing Scout’s legs open and up, bending him.

From the very first push Scout was already pleading for more, for faster, and Sniper gave it in spades, picking a pace that rattled his belt and rocked the bed and set Scout to shaking, to swearing, to arching, to scrambling for Sniper’s shoulders and fisting his hands into the back of his shirt and hauling him closer.

“You’re mine,” Sniper growled again, gone mindless and hungry, gripping at Scout’s hips hard enough that he hoped it would bruise, hoped it would leave his fingerprints as reminders of it.

“Yours,” Scout agreed, practically a moan, clearly also driven out of his mind by the pleasure of it. “Yours, yours, oh, fuck—“

And Sniper gave it his all, really he did, because just for a moment he wanted to clear Scout’s head out of everything but him, everything but then and there, being fucked stupid and loving it, and begging for more, and writhing and moaning and looking so goddamn gorgeous—

And he wanted Scout to remember this—

And he wanted Scout to never pull a stunt like that again—

And he didn’t want anyone to ever touch him like that again—

And he wanted to ruin Scout, ruin him for anyone else, make anyone else he ever got with ever again pale in comparison to then and there in a shitty motel room, surely minutes away from being kicked out on a noise complaint.

And he finished biting another mark into Scout’s chest, and Scout finished with a borderline wail, nails digging into his back hard enough to hurt, even through the fabric of his shirt.

And then they were coming down, breathing hard, Sniper feeling overheated and weak in the wake of everything.

“I’m sorry,” Scout managed, voice hoarse from all the noise he’d been making. “I was an idiot. I shouldn’t’ve done that, that was stupid of me, even if it was a dumb fuckin’ joke.”

Sniper didn’t have his breath back enough to speak yet, just panting against Scout’s chest weakly.

“Hey,” Scout said, tugged on Sniper’s chin, angled his head up to look at him. “Yours.”

“Mine,” Sniper agreed, and got the energy back to pull out at least, to collapse next to Scout, to pull him in tight against his chest, squeezing hard. “And I’m yours, too. Bloody... never do that again. You absolute prick.”

“Promise,” Scout agreed, squeezing back just as hard.

[queenchaos]

So...I did a thing....

Ahhhh I’ve been so bored during these times that I went back through old art n my many DED DeviantArt accounts. I found this old beauty from 2013-14.... and I decided to redraw my girl in the middle

It’s me and two old friends during our TMNT phase in middle school. Kelsi (Sophie), Ella (Me Emma), and Tara (Sara). We’d actually call each other by these names and have over text Role plays....

Wrote fanfics bout us n everythin! Here’s the only one that I help with:

Kelsi gave a tiny wave to Donatello as he left with his brothers for patrol. He turned around and looked at her with pleading eyes. He had tried to convince them he needed to hang back, but now that Tara was here they decided to let her take over on watch patrol there. He glanced between the Shellraiser and his friend.

"You sure you don't want me to-"

"Nope! I'm fine, Tara will be here, and if I run into problems I can call. Just go, I can handle myself!" Tara gave a sharp nod and motioned with her hands for him to move along.

"Go on Don, I've got her." He hesitated before slipping inside and driving off. There was a moment of silence between the two cousins, smiles beginning to form on their faces.

"Is he gone?" Kelsi stretched her neck in an attempt to get a closer look. Tara ran over and peeked out.

"Gone, the taillights just disappeared." She looked back with a grin. "Ready?"

"Ready!" She snatched her laptop from underneath her wheelchair and opened the lid, browsing through the list they had made an hour earlier, complete with links and information underneath each case.

It wasn't that they were hiding this from the turtles they just…they wanted to do this on their own. If any of them figured out what it was they were up to, they were toast. No doubt that they would immediately be banned from continuing their new pastime, and life would go back to its former dull throbbing. There were nine pages worth of things to look at, and they couldn't choose for the longest time.

"We might want to start with something easy." Tara sighed, leaning back and scanning her eyes over the list. "I don't know, like maybe a missing cat."

"That's way too easy."

"Not for you." She teased. "But yeah, I know. What are you thinking?"

"Maybe bump it up a notch and try missing person?" Kelsi scrolled the cursor over the link to the site.

"You do realize you're on that list right?" Tara smirked. "Lucky me, I found Kelsi, how much money do I get?"

"Shut up." Kelsi threw her head back and laughed. "Just shut up, that's not funny."

She turned back to the screen while her cousin gave a fake pout. "Seriously, they'll be back in a few hours we need to pick something." She opened a link up to a case involving a missing car. It was merely out of curiosity, she had a feeling their first job would end up being a cat after all. She skimmed over the article and blinked in confusion, mumbling to herself.

"What is it?"

"Just reading, according to this article the car disappeared last Sunday when some hijacker stole it, but according to the owner, the car never left his garage."

"Pshh, well it's gone now, it had to end up leaving at one point or another." Tara leaned in closer to read the tiny print. "Footage? The guy kept six cameras in his garage? Must be quite the car."

"Yeah, it is actually." Kelsi opened up the picture attached. A cherry red Corvette that shone like the sun came up on the screen, and Tara could only cringe and suck in air through her teeth.

"Ouch, talk about money down the toilet."

"If there's a reward of over 1,000 dollars then he's not too hurt over it."

"One thousand?! For a Corvette?! This guy's trying to pull off some bargain, nobody's going to look for a Corvette with only one thousand dollars to gain."

"Nobody…except us."

"No."

"Tara! Come on!" Kelsi whipped her head around and pleaded, whining and shaking the monitor. "One thousand dollars, we can get it if we try!"

"Absolutely not. Not for that much money."

"We could weasel more out of him when we're done." Kelsi gave a grin. She wanted this really bad, Tara could tell. Though she didn't blame her, she spent a lot of time down there after all. The smell was beginning to become the norm for Tara. That was new.

"You are evil." Tara laughed.

"Come on, are you in or are you out?"

Tara hesitated. She wanted the money out of it, she wanted the adventure out of it, and she wanted to completely defy all rules she had been given in the past week. And finding that Corvette with her cousin could give her all of it. Kelsi held out her hand and raised an eyebrow, giving another annoying whiny plea. Tara sighed and shook her hand, letting another smile spread across her face.

"I'm in, let's go get that car."

Tara had her head phones plugged into her phone, simultaneously FaceTiming Kelsi as she walked down the streets of New York. It smelled like gasoline and crap, but she had started the mission and she was fine with it. The boys were on the other side of town, nothing could bother her as of right now.

“Okay, the garage should be coming up on your left,” Kelsi said. She was peering at the directions on her laptop and looking up to check on her cousin every two minutes. “There’s an alarm planted on every angle of it though, watch it.”

“How am I going to get in then?” Tara replied, making eye contact with her cousin through the screen. The resolution was fuzzy still, but she could manage. “I can’t take down all of the alarms, there are probably hidden ones.”

“Yeah, there are.” Kelsi began squinting at the screen again. “But you might be able to take them all out if you could disable the mainframe on the top floor.”

“I don’t know how to disable the mainframe Kels’, I’m not that smart.” Tara approached the building and crossed the street, leaning up against the side of it and pretending to smoke with a fake cigarette she had made a few minutes earlier. “I wish you could take it out for me.”

“I can’t, I would have to be there in person, besides, I’m not even sure I could accomplish that, I’m not terribly good with computers outside of error code fixes.”

“Then what do I do? I’m lost as to what you want from me here.” Tara peeked down the sides of the alleys, hoping nobody was listening in on their conversation. The feed went static, then came back in.

“You need to climb up the fire escape on the tattoo parlor next door and hop across to the roof of the garage.”

“Hop across? As in, jump-in-mid-air-and-land-on-the-other-rooftop across?”

“Yes, that kind of across? Cool?”

Tara swallowed a lump in her throat and shrugged, stuffing her fake cigarette back into her pocket. She found the fire escape and swung up trying to make as little noise as possible. It was really dark outside, but a few people roamed the streets checking out street vendors. Her main fear was either falling from the building or getting caught. She couldn’t choose which one was worse.

“I’m at the top.” Tara’s hair blew off to the side and she looked back down at her phone. Kelsi had her eyes fixed on her cousin with a weak smile and twitchy hands. “I’m going to jump now.”

“Just pray you don’t end up like me.”

“Thanks for the encouragement.” Her heart pounded as she approached the edge of the building and scuffed her foot on the concrete ledge. It definitely wasn’t comfy below, but she had to jump now or the entire mission would end. Was this even worth it? Self-doubt was incredible.

Tara gripped her phone tight, took in a deep breath, and pushed off. The first few seconds were slow motion, she couldn’t even tell she was falling or flying through the air. She didn’t dare open her eyes, she shut them tight enough for them to split. Her legs flailed around uselessly. She landed on the other rooftop with a solid thumping, and all the air in her lungs whooshed out with a grunt. Concrete again, she had made the jump.

“Yes! Tara you made it!” Kelsi clapped and gave a cheer.

“I…I need a moment.” Tara’s body shook with fear and her limbs ached, but she was more than proud that she had made it. She was okay now, she could complete the mission. After thirty seconds she managed to stop shaking and stand up again.

“Okay Tara, see the entrance?”

“No, there’s an air vent and weeds up here.” Tara said. “And a few dead cockroaches, ew.”

“About that air vent…hehe…”

“NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT, NOT IN A MILLION YEARS KELSI!” Tara glared at her phone, her cousin rubbing the back of her neck and whistling awkwardly.

“That’s the only way into the mainframe com-“

“NO! I AM NOT SQUEEZING THROUGH SOME DUMB AIR VENT, THINK AGAIN CHAPMAN!” Tara shook her head furiously. No way in no universe was anyone, especially Kelsi, going to force her down a stuffy air vent where she couldn’t breathe, and where she would get her arms stuck a moment later.

“Tara, there is literally no other way to get in, I’m sorry.”

“Then the deal’s off, I am not climbing through an air vent.” Tara shook her head and pursed her lips. “Not today, not ever.”

“Tara!” The whiny voice had come back, Tara hated that voice. “Please, don’t you want that money?”

“Yeah, but it isn’t worth a trip down that death hole air vent.”

“Tara, I didn’t want it to come to this but…climb down that air vent or I will tell Raph.” Kelsi had a slightly amused face now.

“I don’t really care if you tell him.” Tara shrugged.

“We aren’t talking about the same thing Tara. I’m talking about this mission, here and now. He will kill you.”

There was a moment of silence where they just stared at each other making strange faces and giving glares. “Don will kill you too to be honest.”

“No he won’t. I didn’t leave the lair. He would kill you though for leaving me down here alone. Options Tara, tick, tock.” Kelsi seemed really amused now, she had the worst poker face known to mankind. Tara stared at her with a hard glare.

“What if I told Donnie that you did something illegal?”

“I didn’t do anything illegal. That argument is invalid.”

“You’re assisting my break-in into some rich guy’s car garage.” Tara gave a smirk and crossed her arms. “So much for ‘invalid’ sister.”

“Why are we even talking about this, get into the air vent and get those tapes!”

Tara really hated this. She really hated this. There was nothing else for her to do, she didn’t fancy the idea of jumping across the buildings and climbing back down the fire escape again. She didn’t fancy sitting there waiting for the cops or Raph to find her either. She could always try climbing down the side of the brick building though. “I’m climbing down the side of the building and coming back, let’s get a new mission.” Tara headed over to the side and stuck one leg over when-

“Tara you’re a coward! Get in that air vent or I’ll tell them all you were a wimp when I reveal our mission!” Kelsi shouted.

“THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU KELS’!” Tara swung her leg back over and punched the lid off the vent, sliding her body inside. Hot and stuffy. Delightful. She crawled further down and it got cooler though, before she knew it she was directly above the entrance to the mainframe security, and she dropped in as quiet as a mouse. “What now?”

“There should be a power switch on the wall, flip that down.”

Surely enough, there it was, a big red switch she took pleasure in killing. The lights flickered out, leaving Kelsi’s FaceTime as the only source of light. “Now turn it back on, the computer should have corrupted.” And corrupted it was, error messages flashing on the screens, security cameras twitching, and not a single alarm going off.

“Genius. You’re a genius Kels-“

There was a soft thump behind her and she whipped around to face another girl about her age with medium length dark hair. She wore a jean jacket and black leggings, and she brushed off her legs with a huff. Tara’s heart leaped and she took a staggering step back. The girl looked up with a crooked smile and shoved her out of the way, opening the door to the garage and slamming it behind her.

“Get back here you punk!” Tara stuffed her phone in her pocket and ran after her, trailing the ear buds on the ground and nearly tackling the stranger on the concrete if it weren’t for her quick dodge and arm lock. “Let go of me you idiot, I will kill you right now!”

“Yeah, sure.” Her voice was soft and delicate. “I’m guessing you’re looking for the tapes on that Corvette too? Well they’re mine, thanks for taking security out for me.” She dropped Tara and ran to the back wall, stumbled up and freed one of the cameras from its plastic holders. Tara was red in the face and ready to kill.

“What right do you have?!”

“Every right, the same rights you have.” She landed softly back on the ground and gave another grin. “But your nerd forgot to tell you that there was only one camera working that night. And that’s this one.” She pointed at the device and sighed. “Such a shame you missed out on that money. Well, I’ll catch you later!”

“NERD?! EXCUSE ME!” There was a muffled shout from Tara’s pocket that she ignored. She reached in and hung up the call. Kelsi couldn’t bother her right now.

She made a dash for the exit but Tara grabbed her by the arm and slammed her into the ground. “No thanks, I think I’ll catch you later!” She snatched the camera and sprinted out the door and down the stairs to the exit. Her feet practically flew across the cement, but the same girl flipped over her and landed in front of her, hand outstretched.

“It was mine first.”

“I don’t care.”

“Who do you think you are?” She crossed her arms and glared.

“Tara. Nice to meet you. Now if you’ll excuse me…” She ducked in-between her legs and kept running. “I have business to take care of!”

Tara hated this girl, she wanted to put a good nineteen feet between them and get back to the lair before any of the turtles came back. Patrol time was almost up. She could hear the footsteps behind her though, that idiot was going to follow her. She needed to lead her in the wrong direction.

She reached the bottom and skidded across the ground to the fire exit, but the girl yanked her hair, stole the camera, and pushed ahead again. Tara shouted and cursed, waving her fist and chasing after her, but the dark haired girl disappeared into the dark alleys across the street before Tara could catch her. A small piece of paper fluttered in the breeze, Tara figured it were just a shred of a magazine or newspaper. But instead it had handwritten words on it in silver sparkling pen ink. She snatched it from the wind’s grasp and fumbled picking her phone back up to redial Kels’. The note made her even angrier.

Have a wonderful day!

~Ella

Tara crumpled up the scrap and stomped on it, her breathing heavy again. She slipped back into the sewers and trudged through the raw sewage all the way back.

Ella was going to regret messing up her chance for the money.

She was going to regret it.

[royal-writer]

Fear of Falling

As good as you make me feel I wanna make you feel better Better than your fairy tales Better than your best dreams You're more than everything I need You're all I ever wanted All I ever wanted

This is a terrible plan. She chewed on her lower lip, light golden brown eyes darting from one teammate to the next. Splitting up? Nothing about that sounded good. She was used to the numbers; the certainty of backup and readily available allies with different niches and talents. It didn’t matter how ‘equally’ they tried to spread the castors to the armor clad fighters of the group, it still didn’t feel… right.

Because she cared. She worried. They were her friends. They were… family.

And you didn’t split up family. It felt like leaving people behind. It left a hollow in your chest; radiating into your soul like echoes off a canyon wall. It felt like you were already handing them off to another fate. You wouldn’t be there to grasp their hands. You couldn’t be there to protect them.

Her eyes moved to Abernathy, eyebrows drawn together with concern. He clapped a hand gently to her shoulder with a heartfelt smile.

“We have the Earrings of Whisper. We’ll be in touch,” he assured her, seeing the reluctance in her face. “You’ve nothing to fear.”

Nothing to fear, he said. Nothing to fear. How could he say that? He couldn’t possibly see the fear reflected from the depths of her being. The terror. The worry. The concern. Fearing the loneliness; the lifestyle she lived with before this. Alone. Isolated. Scared. Yes, she was afraid; deeply afraid for them all. They were obnoxious and at times overbearing, but they were still her allies. What if someone got hurt? Lost? No. No she would not allow herself to think of the worst alternative, it made her throat tighten and churned the acid in her stomach into turmoil.

She couldn’t lose them, too. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

As the Paladin stepped aside, leaving her staring after him blankly, Lord Amon squeezed by him. He wore a gentle, sympathetic smile. It was hazy outlined expression; the focus of her gaze on the retreating elder man instead with his back to her. The ruffled strands of black hair casting shadows across the nobleman’s face, and obscuring his dark eyes.

She ran her tongue over her lips nervously.

“Essätha-”

“You had all better come back,”she hoarsely whispered towards Abernathy’s behind. Her hands wrung. She could not meet the Briarton Lord’s gaze.

She didn’t react as a rough hand brushed her face. She didn’t respond as it moved to pause; stopping to cradle the side of her face.

He leaned in. Lips grazed her cheek. Hardly worth of being called a kiss, it was so faint and delicate. The scraggle of his beard brushing her jawline. A warm dizziness overcame her. She lost her breath; the smell of rose water and musky earth trapped in her nose and burning her lungs. The inky depths of his gaze momentarily meeting hers as she searched his face with her jaw hanging and mouth parted.

“Stay safe.” Amon’s voice was grating. Coarser than his hands; filled with his own shock.

He stepped away; the swish of his cloak dragging against the ground briefly. It reset his reaction to breathe, and as she did his cologne fogged her mind. She saw a halo of light around him; cast perfectly by the angle of the sun’s rays. It was enough to take her breath away all over again.

“Come back,” she murmured. It didn’t carry, thankfully. He was too far gone; right behind Adela and Penimra. Too far from her hands. Unworthy hands to touch someone so beloved and endearing.

Her lungs expanded once more. Inhaling. Exhaling.

“Come back to me.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sulhadur and Abernathy clasped hands before her. Relieved expressions in their eyes. Pri’cha seemed just as eager to greet their fellow companions; grasping hands with all four of their appendages at once in greeting. The only part of her team that seemed calm and unaffected by the reunion was Rava; who although pleased to see everyone, hung back to offer encouraging words and a nice handshake or wave here and there.

She watched. Inspecting them all as they walked around. Surveying for wounds among her pack.

The silhouette of Lord Amon’s shadow fell in her direction. As she turns towards it, her eyes captured the lopsided grin he offered her. A tussle about his hair like it had been ruffled recently by hand or breeze. His approach much like a lion; prideful, steady, confident.

Her heartbeat skipped and sputtered.

“Are you okay?” Relief. Relief in his voice but intent. A knowing. Masks were easy to display. Injuries could be far worse than simply upon the flesh. The worst kind of wounds were embedded in your spirit. They ate at your identity.

Wordlessly her mouth worked. She tried to find the ability to speak, but nothing came.

He was striking. Elegant and suave with just enough ruggedness to make your insides quiver and melt. It was easy to be attracted to his sharp good looks. It wasn’t so easy to fall for the man, when he held up a wall between himself and who he really was. A shroud of mystery. But once you got inside; once he let down those barriers and allowed himself to show in all his colors, there was no denial or struggle.

All his quirks and his charm; his ludicrous sense of humor and lighthearted teasing oh gods, he made it too easy. He was layers of the atmosphere. Storms and sunny skies, the frosty snow and the twilight filled with starshine. Ever-changing into something new. No two experiences quite alike. No two moods quite the same.

Amon raised an eyebrow at her. Confusion was written into the concern on his face.

It was a stupid, selfish impulse. He was just close enough.

Grabbing the collar of his jerkin in his hands, she tugged him forward while inclining in on her tiptoes. The nobleman went wide-eyed as her lips formed to his. Firm at first then yielding; her lips moving against his.

He grunted deep in his throat with alarm.

Idiot. She’d misinterpreted the previous kiss. It was friendly and a bit awkward but she’d thought… Or maybe she’d just hoped…

Letting go of the garment, she settled back on the flats of her shoes. Amon gaped at her like a fish out of water, with splotches of red dispersed randomly over his features.

She was a damn fool.

Color flushed her face. She moved to step back, brushing loose tresses of her locks out of her face while turning away. Stupid. She swallowed thickly. Oh gods, what had she done. What did she expect? For him to kiss her back? He must think she was insane. What the hell was going to happen now? Would he leave? Put her down gently or stomp this into the dirt before it was too late? Or was it already too late? Fuck, if only she hadn’t-

“Essie.”

Conflicting emotions riddled his tone. Astonishment, being the key factor. And her mind dared to think… want.

“Look at me.”

It was a plea, not a command.

She barely turned her face towards him; stomach in fearful knots and lashes low.

He held her face suddenly but carefully, and planted his lips on hers.

Every nerve in her body responded. She could feel the tingles shoot through her like an electrical current. Heat pooled into her bloodstream. Magma moving just beneath the surface. Every inch of her was saturated with him; his aroma, his eyelashes skimming her face as they closed, his palms cupping her cheeks with care. The whisper of his beard tickled her skin. She was wrapped in security and patience. Snuggled in respect and compassion. It was an innocent kiss. No passionate craze, no wild illusions, no rush. Soft, unbelievably tender, and giving. Intimate.

She moved with him, letting him dictate the details. Synchronizing to his cues; sinking deeper and deeper into the feelings and craving she’d been swallowing for months. This was better than any dream. He tasted better than any fantasy; midnight skies and a strong drink that left you drunk and craving more.

Amon tore himself away first, gasping. Her pulse was thunder in her ears, drowning out the quiet murmurs of her friends standing around. Some of them were staring, slack-jawed, and others appeared amused or gleeful to see the pair of them close.

Their eyes locked, and began to move over each other. His nostrils flared as he panted for air. The pad of his thumbs rubbed against her cheeks rhythmically. It was almost enough to make her purr. Desire began to creep up from the gutter to loom over like a predator. And she could see the very same rise beginning to mirror in the way the nobleman looked at her. He didn’t have to say a single word. It crackled in the air around them; almost a pliable sensation.

Where the hell did they go from here?

And what did this attraction mean for their friendship going forward?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A moan tumbled out of her as Amon anchored her back to the door, raising her thigh to encourage her to wrap a leg around his waist. The angle was utterly too perfect. His erection even beneath the layers of his clothes ground against her undergarments. It was erotic as it was maddening. So close but still so far; furthering her arousal against her damp heat.

Gods how many times had she imagined just this sort of scenario? Those callused hands groping beneath her shirt as he pushed it up, his mouth leaving steamy hot kisses against her throat. She had to fumble with all his damn garb meanwhile; but the reward was worth it. When her fingernails scrapped his abdomen, he growled her name low and husky close to her ear.

The anticipation was overwhelming. She’d already seen him shirtless plenty of times, but this time she could roam with her hands and not just her eyes. And there was some other areas her whirlwind of dark libidinous thoughts couldn’t help but draw up with fascinated intrigue. An entirely new region to explore and admire.

His name exit her in a broken sigh as a hand finally weaseled up enough of her rumbled shirt to find her breast. The sweep of his thumb over her budded nipple left her keening for more, swallowing the anxious lump forming in her throat.

She didn’t know what to feel. Torn between the chemistry; the longing, the hunger that wanted to romp in the sack, and the connected emotional depth. Their relationship already was too valuable to her. What if this was all he wanted?

Could she just… accept that idea? Nevermind her feelings?

Teeth glazed over her pulse point and her breath faltered further. The rumble of his laughter vibrated from his chest into hers as he pressed closer. The heat of his torso and curls of his chest hair against her own made goosebumps rise on her arms.

What if this wasn’t enough for him? What if she wasn’t enough?

Her anxiety finally found its way to her voicebox, and she squeaked before uttering a high-pitched and frightful: “S-Stop.”

Her chest rose and fell. Amon frozen; a statue pressed into her curves so wonderfully that their every contour was fused. His mouth, just against the swell of her breast, slowly retracted as dropped her leg so her foot touched the ground.

“Alright.” Deep. Still gravely with sensuality. “Alright.”

There was a flicker of reluctance in his expression as he pulled away respectfully. They were both too disheveled and too close to nudity for it to be appear a formal situation, yet despite the tension in the air, it appeared so. Amon stood poised and dignified, his hands to himself as he looked into her eyes. His presence was all calm and understanding. No implication in his body language or gaze otherwise said he was trying to sway whatever she said next.

Pressing her lips together, they formed a hard white line. She relaxed her expression after a moment, glancing away.

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

Silence. The nobleman opened his mouth to speak, but she was ahead of him.

“I can’t just-” she struggled, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I like you. A lot. And I appreciate you, m’lord, more than I can put into words. But as much as I want to, I can’t… risk my feelings. I can’t just settle for a one-night fling. You mean more to me than that.”

While trying to collect her next words, Amon made a soft scoffing noise at her. She dared to glance up to him, pursing her lips together worringly.

“You don’t think I have feelings for you, Essätha?” he crooned softly. The roughness of his hands found her hips, and she exhaled deeply with surprise. It wasn’t sensual, it was comforting as he pulled her in closer in a sincere embrace.

“I…” Her mouth worked stupidly. She fumbled, swallowing while trying to grasp at something to say.

“I’m not looking for a one-night stand,” he concluded. He was too close. She was falling into the depths of his eyes. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to resurface.

She didn’t really want to.

“You’re not?” she strangled to say.

He shook his head slowly, gaze smoldering.

Her mouth opened, closed, and opened again to rasp: “You like me?”

The sound that escaped him was a choked sort of laughter that came out like someone fighting for their dying breath. Her face turned even more red in reaction.

“Has it not been obvious, melitse?”

“Has mine?” she taunted back, leaning into the circumference of his body once more.

The grin he offered in reply was sheepish. It went well with the flushed color on his cheeks.

“I didn’t want to assume…”

She pitied the discomfort in his voice. The weariness. The concern. Truly, she understood all too well. Fearful of being wrong; even more scared that revealing the depth of her feelings would send him packing. Losing a friend she trusted so dearly made her heart ache just to consider.

Alleviated, she pressed a chaste, affectionate kiss lightly upon his mouth.

“Well now, you don’t need to consider, because I’m right here,” she mused in a sultry voice. Her hands ghosted over his chest, reveling in the way he shivered against her barely-there touch. She flashed him a grin of lewd implications. “And although you are very handsome, m’lord, I quite like the charming, witty, dependable, kind, intelligent man I’ve come to know. It’ll be fun to see what creative ideas you might be hiding.”

Amon’s pupils blew at the implication. He inhaled raggedly, dragging her in to mold against her chest as her rear moved to lean back against the door.

“I believe I have a fair imagination,” he vowed thickly, his mouth moving against hers as he spoke.

She grinned, running her tongue against the seams of his lips.

“Perfect.”

[reallyiscrazy-a]

For the Mun ABOUT the Muse

< All answers under the cut because some people love to watch the world burn... Also might have deleted some questions cause I didn’t know how to answer them. >

What makes you the most emotional about your muse?

There’s a lot of things going on in current comics that have gotten me wanting to kidnap him and lock him in a box, but I won’t go into any of that. What makes me the most emotional is how badly this boy wants friends and a family and at every turn he is being shoved back into the darkness. Sure most of the time he does it to protect the people he cares about, but just once I’d love for someone to jump into it with him and be all ‘I’m here till the end’. Hell even just one of his family members to step up and be all: “we know you’ve got some serious issues and need someone to talk to. So how about we go and have some milkshakes and talk through stuff”. But of course he’s a member of the Batfam and they communicate with fists to the face. 

What made you decide to write this muse?

So a long time ago there was this comic book story line that came out. Batman: Under the Hood. The basis of it was that someone who KNEW the bats was causing hell throughout Gotham and starting to kill the mob. I grew attached to this sassy, snarky, devil may care attitude, bastard of a man known as the Red Hood. When it was revealed to be the Robin that I had first read in comics (Death in the Family still makes me cry okay), I knew I had to have him. I used him through out my various RP years, finally making my way here to tumblr like maybe eight years ago. I can’t really pin point the WHY I’ve kept him around as long as I have. He’s always been the loudest muse I’ve ever had. 

If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

Oh this is so easy it’s bad... His death. A vote of the people caused his death, and would result in the torment that he faces still today in comics. It all stems from that single vote back in the 80s when people sucked and only cared about how big their hair could get and how ‘cool’ they looked. This poor boy has suffered for all these years because some snot nosed man in his mom’s basement spam called the hotline to get Robin killed off. Congratulations you weasel, you were responsible for the death of a child and the torture and torment of his future self. Yes... I’m a bit salty.

If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

I’d tell him that he can’t give up. He’s done horrible things sure, and people have turned their backs on him. But he will find someone (somewhere somehow) who will stick by his side. He doesn’t have to be and he won’t be alone for the rest of his life. 

If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

Seeing as he’s been a crime lord and the son of a billionaire, there isn’t any material things I could give him that he probably doesn’t already have. What I’d give him instead is a hug and the reassurance that no matter what he does (or who he might kill), I’m still going to love him.

If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

I suppose the most positive thing about him is that he’s loyal as all hell (once he cares for a person). It doesn’t take too much to break his trust (after all look at how many times he’s had to deal with lying from his family). But yeah he’s very loyal and protective of the people he cares for. He’d even kill for them, which is actually not really positive (though I guess that depends on who you ask).

If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?

Oh no. Nope. I wouldn’t borrow anything from Jason. I have enough issues as it is and I don’t really need any others. His skills with weapons and being very athletic would be cool, but I’d never be able to use either one. So yeah... he doesn’t have much I could borrow.

Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

I do want to see Jason happy. He’s had such a shitty live and trash keeps getting tossed on top of him over and over again. It’d be super nice for him to be able to just kick back and look over things and be like: ‘yup... I’m happy with this’. What would make him happy? I think just having his family accept him would be a good start. Maybe having a best friend who didn’t turn on him the moment things got hard would be nice too... Just someone who loves him and accepts him for him. Hell just give this boy a friend at all and he’d be happy.

Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

.... This is a question? I love putting Jason through angst, and honestly it doesn’t even take that much to do it. His life is written like a bad angst fanfic. Abusive father, druggie mom, living on the street, death, torture, murdering people, being excelled from his family, having no friends, depression, attempted suicides... yeah... his life is an angst hole and I like tossing him into it every chance I get.

What do you love about your muse?

Oh where ever do I begin. Jason is intelligent, athletic, sassy, and murderous. He has a 'gives no shits’ type of attitude, and he’s a huge trouble magnet. He’s also got a huge heart buried under all that murderous rage. He isn’t a perfect person and has a ton of issues and problems that hinders him from being a “hero” and I just love that. I’ve always fell in love with characters that had issues to over come. Jason has a lot of those and more that pile on top of those ones. 

What do you hate about your muse?

He blames himself for everything. Even things that are out of his control. He piles on the blame on top of himself and it weights him down. He’s very self sacrificing as well, and sometimes I just want to shake him and tell him to STOP. Oh and he tends to push people away, even though he longs to have people close to him. He’s so afraid all the time of them getting hurt so his answer is to push them away, which in turn makes him more depressed and angry because everyone leaves him... Like dude, you do this shit to yourself... I really just want to wack him with a rolled up newspaper.

What about your muse amuses you?

It amuses me the most when Jason mouths off to people that he and I both know could totally kick his ass to the moon and back. He has died, he knows what death is like, and yet he goes running up to it and hugs it when he’s faced with it. Like: ‘what are you doing!?’ and at this point you just have to laugh because omg he has no self preservation at all!

What about your muse makes you sad?

The fact that he continues to push everyone he loves and cares about away, making him be alone forever and ever. He wants people in his life, yet at every turn he’s forcing them to make decisions that would make them leave him. Sure he does this to protect them, but it just hurts him in the end and it makes me heart ache for him.

How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time? 

This is Jason my troublesome son. He died once, but he got better. He’s got a mouth on him but please don’t punch him in the face, even though he probably totally deserves it. Oh he was once Robin, but don’t mention Batman to him because he gets really angry and might go and kill someone. Also he hates clowns. Please don’t ask, it’s a very touchy subject. Also crowbars are a big no in his presence. 

Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

I would get very frustrated with him if I knew him in real life. The way he seems to hate himself and pushes everyone away, would really make me want to hit him. I think we’d get along though and I’d probably stick to him like glue. 

What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

He has a moral code that he refuses to sway from. He won’t hurt women (unless they come at him first) and children are completely off limits. I think this is important to him too, and breaking this code would be the last straw for him. It’s what keeps him from thinking of himself like one of his targets.

If you had to judge your muse and sentence them to a “fair” fate, what would your judgement be? Would you punish them? Reward them? How?

Sadly I’d have to punish them. He’s a murderer. Even if he’s killing bad people, he’s still killing people. I think he needs help, mentally, and he should get that instead of sitting inside a jail cell for the rest of his life. Maybe sticking him in therapy and then a rehab of sorts would do him better. 

[zipgrowth]

The 2019 EdSurde Annual Special: Edtech April Fool’s News That Should Stay Fake

Congratulations for making it through the first quarter of 2019! The reward that awaits: Our fine annual tradition of hijinks and horseplay, exaggerations and extrapolations, and all the absurdities not fit for print on any day other than April 1.

We’re not the only ones getting in on the fun. Chegg’s chalked up an excuse-generator to help you weasel out of doing homework, taking tests—just about anything. Duolingo is taking the idea of “push” notifications to a whole new, literal (physical?) level.

Happy April Fool’s. Now, let’s get EdSurde.

WONDERFUL WORLD OF CURRICULUM: Somehow still hungry for more content after acquiring 21st Century Fox, Disney has stooped to gobbling educational publishers to add to its ever-expanding empire Magic Kingdom. As early as Monday morning, students posted photos of word problems asking how many oranges Mickey Mouse has left after Donald Duck absconded with some, and how quickly Spider-Man would meet Homer Simpson if Spidey started swinging from Manhattan at noon and Homer’s Springfield train left the same time going 70 miles per hour.

BACK TO THE FUTURE: Weary of unwanted scrutiny, companies that once described themselves as the “Facebook of education” are now scrambling to disassociate themselves from the beleaguered social network. Public relations firms want to tap into our nostalgic past. Currently up for grabs: Angelfire for Tutors. Geocities for Test Prep. Friendster for Learning. Myspace for Math. (Somewhere, everyone’s-first-friend Tom is smiling.)

HAPPY MEALS, PERSONALIZED: McDonald’s just acquired an AI tech company to personalize the drive-thru experience. Why stop there? Chief Mascot Ronald confided with EdSurge that it is considering integrating that technology with school information systems to tweak Happy Meals based on how well children do in school. Good grades get kids hot nuggets, fries and toys. Being naughty nets a soggy McFlurry.

Coming soon: Naughty Meals

DAZED AND CONFUSED: No idea what personalized learning is? Neither do we! Join us today for the first annual CONFUSION conference featuring vague, stab-in-the-dark definitions and more questions than answers. All attendees are guaranteed to leave with less of an idea of what personalized learning is than when they came. And don’t miss special keynote guest Ashton Kutcher. See you there!

BRAT BOT: Colleges are increasingly turning to chatbots to help students navigate questions around areas such as financial aid or campus events. But some administrators say the tool feels impersonal and, well, robotic. One company is responding with a new approach. Meet Brat Bot, a sassy campus chatbot that isn’t afraid to chastise students for obvious questions. Where’s the dining hall? “Don’t you have Google Maps?” Can I turn the FAFSA in late? “Get real.”

SNEAK PEEK! A stealth San Francisco-based edtech startup offered a glimpse of a “revolutionary” new product. It’s made of organic materials, and lets students move at their own pace. A secret, patented technology reduces eye strain. And it uses the latest in kinesthetic research to get learners engaged physically, through flicks of their fingers and wrists. Did we say it’s also tactile? The company insists it’s not just selling print textbooks.

WHOLE CHILD CUTS: Budget constraints have forced school districts across the country to make difficult cuts to whole-child education programs, leaving many school leaders scrambling to decide which parts are more or less important. Left brain or right brain? The eyes or the ears? The femur or the fingers? For many, the decision may require divine intervention like that in the Judgment of Solomon.

The world’s first whole-child dilemma. (Source: Wikipedia)

HACKED AND HAPPY ABOUT IT: Local authorities investigating the recent data breach in a district’s payroll system announced a breakthrough in the case today. Rather than funneling funds out of teachers’ bank accounts, as was initially suspected, the hackers appear to have deposited $314,159 in the accounts of each math teacher on the payroll. The sum is consistent with the first six digits of π (Pi). Authorities have closed the investigation, and a source close to the math department says the teachers are being simply “irrational” about the number.

AUGMENTED ANGUISH: Augmented reality (AR) has been lauded for its ability to enhance students’ learning experiences. But what can it do for teachers? Don a Wistful Thinking headset and take a walk around the classroom, and you’ll see all sorts of digital delights superimposed on your environment. Brand new iPad Pros on every desk, classroom supplies you didn’t have to pay for, and a thicker paycheck (that didn’t require a week-long strike) are just some of the sensory features offered in this new AR headset. Side effects, the manufacturer warns, include dejection and depression once the headset is removed.

LIFELONG LABORING: If learning shouldn’t stop at age 25, or 65, or ever, why should work? That’s the argument put forth in a new paper which posits that the future of work … will forever be more work. Learning and laboring should extend beyond life as well, it argues. Developments on the horizon include the ability for cryogenically frozen humans to absorb knowledge through “learning fluids,” and a way to convert dead tissues into renewable energy drinks to help your fellow humans work harder.

The future of life and lifelong learning

A NEW DEAL: Sen. Kamala Harris’s bold plan to boost the average American teacher’s salary by $13,500 has hit a snag around funding issues. Among her ideas for Plan B: give every school district an iPad for each student. A senior official at Los Angeles Unified School District has already issued a statement: “Wait. Not this again.”

BECAUSE WE NEED MORE LETTERS: First there was STEM. Then someone decided that science, technology, engineering and math were not enough, and so added an ‘A’ for arts to make STEAM. Still unsatisfied, someone else demanded an ‘R,’ giving us STREAM education: science, technology, reading, engineering, arts and math. (Hey people, that’s called school.)

UNBUNDLING THE ALUMNI NETWORK: Mark Zuckerberg famously dropped out of Harvard, but he clearly benefited from people he met during his brief time there. (His roommate was an early employee). So why not make dropping out of college the plan? A new startup, DegreeLite provides an online network for those who have done a year or two at a highly-selective school but didn’t bother finishing. Members trade opportunities, connections and job listings for a hefty membership fee of $4,000 per year. As the company’s founder said in a statement, “These days, networks matter more than degrees, so why not focus on the networking?”

MALL OF ACADEMIA: With the retail sector increasingly under stress and colleges looking to cut costs, higher education may soon become the new anchor of your local shopping mall. Plans are underway to convert Westfields and similar complexes into classrooms and faculty offices, which college officials say come at cut rates compared with their stone buildings on leafy quads. Turf wars are already brewing between departments over who gets to take over the former Brookstone. No one’s itching for the Abercrombie & Fitch space, due to the lingering cologne smell.

Site of your future Biology 101 class. The 2019 EdSurde Annual Special: Edtech April Fool’s News That Should Stay Fake published first on https://medium.com/@GetNewDLBusiness