#he probably studies psychology or history or something

[ramsei501st]

in honor of laika coming back from the dead to release a new movie, a kubo of mine with some questionable summer fashion. im love he

inspired by @/kittarts' coraline art ;o;/

[wheeboo]

psycho | wen junhui

SYNOPSIS. in which a new patient is assigned for treatment under your care, and you begin to put the puzzles and pieces together to a past case that you thought to have ceased away from your mind. PAIRING. wen junhui x psychologist!reader (ft. nurse!seokmin) GENRE. dark au, mystery, angst, a tiny tiny subtle pinch of fluff, my very first attempt at a psychological thriller :> WARNINGS. LOTS of descriptions and talks about fire, cursing, mentions of death, a mention of cigarettes, descriptions of scars + burns, descriptions of injuries from glass, mention of blood, reader has a small habit of scratching at their arms, jun makes a suggestive comment if you take it that way WORD COUNT. 12.8k

notes: this is for the caratsland event and probably the most complex plot i've tried to execute so far jsdlkfdfsdf. thank you to @slytherinshua for reading this over for me and being my lil confidence boost 💕 feedback would be much appreciated!! pls remember this is all fictional and not at all an accurate depiction of a psychiatric facility!!

another note: also this turned out to be rlly dialogue heavy and jun asks too many damn questions in this istg lmao

PRESENT DAY: 2023

"Dr. L/N, you have a new patient assigned to you in room 610."

You don't glance up from your desk. Instead, you finish reviewing the case notes of your previous patient and nod in acknowledgment to the nurse standing in your doorway, a friendly young man named Lee Seokmin who was a recent hire, as you were told. As you hear the drop of a patient file in front of you, you lean back in your chair and finally get yourself to look up.

"Thank you, Seokmin," You tell him with a soft smile.

Seokmin grins, teeth all-flashy and cheerful. "You're welcome, doctor," before dismissing himself back out of your office.

You turn your attention to the patient file now resting on your desk. As you start to read through the notes, you see it only contains some basic information about the patient: name, age, and a brief overview of their medical and psychiatric history. It's a starting point, but you know that the real work begins when you meet the person behind the paperwork.

"Name, Moon Jun... male, age 27..." You quietly study the file to yourself. The file mentions a history of severe emotional trauma and burn scars due to a fire, which immediately catches your attention in more ways than one. It also mentions extensive facial scarring and a history of therapy that completely lacked significant progress. A part of it is a familiar story in your field𑁋it isn't uncommon for individuals to experience setbacks in their recovery.

But there's something about this patient's history that tugs oddly at your heartstrings.

As you rummage deeper into the file, you come across a brief note from a colleague who had previously assessed Moon Jun, mentioning he had been withdrawn and non-communicative during his stay, displaying anti-social behaviour, sometimes even having random bursts of aggression when approached. You take a mental note of all this in your head.

Closing the patient file, you rise from your chair and adjust the white coat draped around you, before leaving your office. You make your way through the sterile, fluorescent-lit hallways of the psychiatric facility. The environment here is all-too familiar to you; you've spent years navigating these halls. With every door you pass, there hides a different story; a different struggle; a different battle.

Upon finally reaching the room, you hesitate outside the door for a moment. The anticipation and curiosity surrounding you mixes with a touch of uncertainty, almost like fear, as they often do when meeting a new patient. You've been doing this for nearly ten years, and the feeling isn't new.

Then as you come back to your senses, you lift a hand, give a gentle knock to the door, before entering the room. It's dimly lit inside, the curtains ominously drawn on the windows to conceal the sunlight peeking through. A figure sits at the edge of the bed, back turned to you, and the hood of his hoodie pulled low over his head worn over his patient gown.

"Moon... Jun?" You call out softly, trying not to startle him.

He doesn't respond immediately, shoulders tensing at the sound of your voice. After a moment of silence, he slowly turns his head to acknowledge your presence. Half of his face is obscured by a mask, leaving only his dark eyes visible.

"Doctor," he replies gravelly.

His gaze lingers on you as you take a seat in a chair that sat against the wall next to the bed, keeping a respectful distance from him. You've encountered many patients who have initially shown distrust or apprehension, but there's an intensity in the way he looks at you that sends something chilling on the surface of your skin, especially when it's the only part of his face that you can see.

You try to break the ice with a polite smile. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Moon. My name is Dr. Y/N, and I'll be conducting our therapy sessions during your stay here. Please, make yourself as comfortable as you can."

He slowly nods, but his eyes never leave yours. The mask covering his face makes it difficult to read his expressions.

"Before we begin," You continue, clearing your throat. "I want you to know that this is a safe and confidential space. Our conversations are private, and I'm here to help you in any way I can𑁋to help you heal. You can share as much or as little as you're comfortable with."

You see the way his gloved hands clench together in his lap.

"I can't be healed," he mutters quietly, voice trembling as you sense the hopelessness in his tone. You've heard this phrase many times before during your career.

"I understand that you may feel that way right now," You reply, as soothingly as possible. "but I believe that with time and the right support, healing is possible for anyone. It's a journey, and I'm here to walk it with you. It's a process, and you don't have to go through it alone."

His gaze remains fixed on you, and the unsettling tension in the room lingers, almost palpable that you feel like there's an imaginary barrier between you and him that was enough for you to see this small part of him, while he can see all of you.

"Would you like to tell me a little bit about yourself? How do you feel coming here today?" You ask, hoping to begin the process of establishing some sort of connection.

He uncomfortably shifts a bit on the bed.

"I never wanted to come here," he says flatly. "They say this is a place of healing, but I've seen enough doctors like you. They prod and poke, dig into your past, and in the end, nothing changes. They don't know what I've been through, what I've seen. The scars, everything, they don't heal."

The words that leave his mouth are bitter and sour, yet you could only get yourself to nod sympathetically.

"It's not uncommon for people to feel that way, especially if they haven't found the right support. I want you to know that my approach is different. I'm here to listen, not to prod or poke." You glance down at the file in your hand and flip it over so that you couldn't see any information about him. "You're in control of our sessions, Mr. Moon. We can go at whatever pace you'd like."

He finally seems intrigued by this, leaning in ever so slightly, eyes devoid of colour that seemed to bore straight into yours.

"Control?" he repeats, voice still carrying a hint of skepticism.

You nod once more. "Yes, control. You get to decide what you want to talk about, what you're comfortable sharing, and at what pace. If there are topics you'd like to avoid or take your time with, that's completely okay. We can work together to create a safe space for you."

He seems to be taking in your words. "And... what if I choose not to talk at all?"

You offer a reassuring smile. "Then that's the option we can settle with."

The minutes that tick by seem dreadingly slow, and there's a light that dances in his eyes from the singular light fixture hanging above that almost resembles that of a flame. It doesn't go away even if he blinks, and it draws you in. Just a tiny bit.

"However, is there anything specific you'd like to share with me today, Mr. Moon?" You ask, trying to keep the conversation flowing. "Any thoughts or concerns you'd like to discuss?"

For a moment, it seems like he's about to speak, but then he shakes his head ever so slightly, his hooded gaze still locked onto yours.

"Very well then." You let out a very subtle, shaky breath. It felt almost relieving. Silence it is.

That's what most of the session has come to𑁋sitting in this peculiar silence, feeling his eyes burn a hole right through you. It isn't until the end of the hour that he calls out toward you just as you were about to his exit his room, and you turn back to face him.

"Can you heal me, doctor?" he asks quietly, almost begging in a way. It's unnerving.

All you do is give him a faint smile.

"I'll try my best, Mr. Moon."

FLASHBACK: 2013

"...All I could see were orange and red flames, and the smoke was hurting my eyes. I couldn't breathe𑁋just barely, but it hurt. It was painful. They were getting larger and larger and the screams louder and louder. Everything was gone."

"And what did you do while the fire kept growing?"

"I watched it all happen. I watched it all burn in front of me." The words had sent an eerie shiver up your spine, forcing the pen in your hands to stop mid-sentence. There was a singular pause that had come to follow, a harrowing silence that seemed to stretch into eternity, a subtle quiver in his voice that you barely caught. "There was nothing I could do."

You clicked your pen, its sound echoing in the tense silence. The room seemed to grow colder with each moment that passed.

"But it's all my fault, right?" he had asked, tone so innocent that it itches a part of your heart uncomfortably, but tugged in a way you felt determined to take root of the grief in his chest and rip it apart. And for a moment as you looked in his dark eyes, over his youthful features and guilt-ridden face, you felt that inkling feeling again. "I killed them. It's all my fault."

"None of this is your fault. Blaming yourself for something you couldn't control is a heavy burden to carry," You reassured him calmly, as gently as you could, knowing the power that your own words could cause for someone seemingly lost, troubled, and young. "You saved yourself. You're alive; you did what you could to survive, and you're here to heal. I'm here to help you heal, okay?"

Your reassurance was met with a fleeting smile, but it hadn't quite reach his eyes, yet his gaze peered directly into you as if searching for something in you𑁋you could only think it was hope. Hope that he wanted to heal just as much as you wanted to help him heal. It's your job. This was why you took this job in the first place.

You needed to save people, either from the demons in their minds or the traumas that haunted them. This boy had lost his entire family in a housefire, for God's sake. This was your duty.

"It's not my fault," he had said, and met your eyes, as if searching for approval. "It's not my fault."

"That's right, Hui." You offered him a faint, assuring smile. "It's not your fault."

PRESENT DAY: 2023

"Excuse me, Dr. L/N? Is it okay if I sit here?"

You glance up to see Seokmin holding up a tray of lunch food, returning you from your zoning thoughts. You shoot him a kind smile and a nod, motioning to the empty space across from you for him to have a seat. Usually, you frequently have lunch alone in the comfort of your office where you can tend to yourself in solitude, but today, you might as well welcome the company.

Seokmin sets his tray down and takes a seat, and for some minutes, there's a comfortable silence as you both begin to eat. He seems to notice the tired lines to your face, but he doesn't press on about it.

"Have you been settling in well?" You ask him suddenly, breaking the silence.

"Huh, me? Oh." He's a bit taken aback, cheeks flushed, and you give a soft chuckle. "You could say that. I wanted to try something new after working bedside for the longest time. I didn't think that psych would be a field I was interested in𑁋look where I am now, though."

"That's the thing about this field." You let out a sigh, giving a knowing smile. "It has a way of drawing you in, even if you didn't plan on it."

"It was definitely an experience when I was in nursing school," Seokmin comments eagerly. You felt as if you were talking to a close friend rather than another colleague, and it feels rather refreshing. "and doing ICU was already draining of itself."

You take a sip of your drink, nodding your head. "I can only imagine. It can be quite rigorous."

Seokmin lets his gaze wander over you curiously. "How long have you worked here, doctor?"

"Please, you can just call me Y/N. Unless we're working."

Seokmin smiles. "How long have you worked here then, Y/N?"

You pause for a moment. Thinking about the amount of years you've worked in this field hasn't been a particular thought to come up𑁋time just seems to fly by when it's the only job you've been dedicated to for most of your life.

"Hm, ten years now? I believe this month will mark my ten years here."

Seokmin's eyes visibly widen in awe before responding, "Wow, that's... You must have really seen a lot of things. I really envy you, doctor."

Your smile fades just a bit; it's barely noticeable, though you still hope that Seokmin doesn't see it. You can feel that feeling gnaw at your skin again, something inexplicable, like a sense of foreboding that seemed to be creaking open a door you believed to have firmly shut for good.

But you choose to push it aside, just like you always do, dismissing it perfectly with a mutter of a thank you. It's ironic, considering this is what you do𑁋normally you would tell patients to confront their past and face their fears, but when it comes to your own, you tend to bury them.

There's an itch that crawls up your arms, and you knead at it through your sleeves with your fingers.

Maybe you can get used to this company, though.

"Do you have any kids, doctor?"

The question comes after a click of your pen, and you glance up from the vitals sheet in your hand to see Moon Jun sitting criss-crossed on the bed, gloved hands sitting on his lap and pupils peering curiously over you.

"No, Mr. Moon," You reply, keeping your tone soft, somewhat nonchalant. "I don't have any children."

He tilts his head slightly, almost as if he's studying you like a specimen under a microscope. The mask on his face makes him appear even more enigmatic, his dark, even charming eyes the only feature you can discern.

"No family at all?" he asks. "No husband, wife, or children to go home to?"

"I live alone. My work keeps me quite occupied."

Some silence passes.

"Alone," he repeats, almost to himself, as if savouring the word in his mouth. "Don't you ever feel... lonely though?"

His question hangs in the air like a dark cloud. It's an oddly personal inquiry, but you decide to address it professionally. "Loneliness is a feeling that many people experience at different points in their lives. It's a normal human emotion, and it's something we can work through."

His gaze narrows, and his gloved fingers twitch in his lap. His mask conceals most of his facial expressions, but you can sense an intensity in his gaze.

"I've felt lonely my entire life, you know," he points out as you sit yourself down in the chair in front of him just like all your previous sessions. Despite the considerable space between you two, sometimes you swear you can feel him breathing right down your neck. "Even being in here too, it.... feels like a different kind of loneliness. A place where they put people who are broken. Like me."

"I can assure you that you are not broken, Mr. Moon," You tell him reassuringly. "How are you with meeting the other patients here? Are there any you have been interacting with since our last session?"

He leans back slightly, his gloved hands still resting on his lap, and his gaze seems to drift momentarily as if he's recalling something.

"I think... they are scared of me, to be honest," he answers, eyes crinkling just slightly as if there was a smile playing on his lips right below his mask. "But... perhaps they're all just lost, confused, and weak. They pretend to get better, but they're just putting on a show. It's a bit pathetic, don't you think?"

"It's not uncommon for people in this environment to have their guard up," You tell him. "Sometimes, it's just a reaction to the unfamiliar. Everyone here is dealing with their own battles, just as you are, Mr. Moon."

He chuckles lowly at that. It's the first time you've heard such a sound like that leave his mouth, like a dissonant note echoing in an otherwise quiet room. His masked face gives nothing away.

"Maybe it's because of this stupid mask on my face," he says, touching the mask with the tips of his fingers. "It makes me look like a criminal or a monster."

"The mask might be intimidating to some," You acknowledge, crossing your arms together. "but it doesn't define who you are."

His eyes narrow slightly, though there's that twinge of amusement as he crosses his arms together, mirroring your body language.

"You're not scared of me, right, doctor?"

You meet his steady gaze, his own searching yours from behind the mask. There's a moment of silence, something unspoken lingering in the air.

"No, Mr. Moon, I'm not scared of you," You respond, keeping yourself composed. "I'm here to understand you."

He leans back, that hint of amusement still present on his face.

"I think you would make a great parent, doctor."

The unexpected compliment catches you off-guard for a moment, making you briefly at a loss for words. There's a slight blush that crawls up your cheeks, and you clear your throat, trying to regain your composure.

"Thank you." You give an appreciative smile. "That's very kind of you to say."

You see that flickering flame in his pupils again. It's a fire that seems to burn brighter with each passing minute, and it leaves you both intrigued and uneasy.

FLASHBACK: 2013

"I told you not to call me that!" Hui exclaimed angrily in frustration, his face turning a shade of red as he glared at you. The sudden outburst had caught you off-guard, and for a moment, found yourself at a loss for words. His face contorted with volatile frustration, and his hands clenched into fists.

"I apologise," You said calmly, doing your best to defuse the situation. "I didn't mean to upset you. What would you like me to call you then?"

He took a deep breath, visibly trying to calm himself down. His shoulders slumped, and his expression softened slightly.

"Just call me by my nickname, okay?" he urged, voice a tad less sharp now, but it's still enough to pierce. "Hui is fine. I hate my name! It's ugly. I want to forget about it𑁋I want everyone to forget about it! That name doesn't exist anymore, got it?"

"Of course, I understand." You leaned back forward in your chair, slow and cautiously. "But I want you to tell me why you stole crayons from Chaewon earlier in the rec room."

Hui only scoffed in response. "It's not that big of a deal. I only took a few from her. She'll forget about it."

"You took something from someone else without permission, Hui," You explained matter-of-factly. "That's a violation of their personal space and boundaries."

Hui's focus darted around the room for a moment, lips pursed and fingers messing around with the frays of his hospital gown. Then his gaze hardened once more as he landed back on you. His silence was almost unsettling as it stretched between you, but you remained patient, waiting for him to offer an explanation.

"Fine, whatever," he muttered, finally relenting. "I wanted them for a project I'm working on, that's all."

"A project? What kind of project?"

"Back in group therapy... They wanted us to create something meaningful or something𑁋something that means a lot to us, and I needed the crayons for it. So I took them from her."

It took a couple of moments before you nodded, acknowledging his explanation. "I see, Hui. It's important to express yourself through art or projects, but it's also important to respect others' belongings. Try asking for what you need instead of taking it without permission, okay?"

Hui's response was a simple, noncommittal nod, eyes holding onto yours a moment too long.

"Now, the next time you're back in the rec room, please say sorry to Chaewon whenever you see her, okay?"

Again, all he did was nod begrudgingly, his expression showing a hint of reluctance.

"Good." You gave him a proud smile. "That's all for today. Tell me about your project next session, alright?"

You felt his eyes on you as you grabbed your case notes and stood up, before leaving him in his room. And even though you were out of his room, you swore you could still feel the weight of his gaze on you.

PRESENT DAY: 2023

You find Moon Jun sitting on the edge of the bed once entering inside of his room, gloved hands folded neatly in his lap. The mask obscures his face as usual, but his dark eyes lock onto yours the moment you walk inside. The dim lighting in the room casts long shadows on the walls, and you find yourself drawn into those shadows as you take a seat across from him.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Moon," You greet warmly, taking your usual seat across from him. "How has your day been so far?"

He doesn't immediately respond. There's a hint of curiosity in his hooded eyes, but it's devoid of warmth. It's subtle, almost imperceptible, but you've learned to pay attention to the smallest details when dealing with patients over the years. It still sends a shiver down your spine.

"Just been like any other day in this place," he finally replies coolly.

You offer a polite smile and proceed with the session. "Is there anything specific you'd like to discuss for today's session, Mr. Moon?"

He thinks for a moment, tapping his gloved fingers lightly against his knee. The rhythmic sound seems to echo in the room.

"Are you interested in mythology, doctor?" he asks, and the question was certainly something you didn't expect him to ask. He continues, "I've always had an interest in it growing up, so I was wondering if you did too."

You chuckle quietly. "I wish I could say the same, but... I guess I found it intriguing at times."

"Surely you must have heard some stories though." He giggles at this, unclasping his hands together and propping himself right at the edge of the bed so that he's leaning forward, his masked face closer to yours. The dim light makes it hard to see his features clearly, and the shadows in the room seem to grow darker, more pronounced. "Are you familiar with the creature, the phoenix?"

You pause for a moment to think, before giving a slow, careful nod. "I've... definitely heard of it."

"The phoenix," he murmurs, voice a soft, hypnotic cadence. "It's a beautiful creature of rebirth and fire, isn't it?"

The mention of fire makes you shift slightly in your seat.

"Mr. Moon, I'm not entirely sure where you're𑁋"

You're interrupted as he leans even closer, his masked face now mere inches from yours, his dark eyes locking onto yours with an intense and unsettling focus. The shadows play tricks on your vision, making it feel like the walls are closing in on you.

"I just find it fascinating," he continues. "The idea of burning away the old and rising from the ashes anew. It's like a fresh start, a chance to be reborn. Do you believe in second chances, doctor?"

You swallow the lump in your throat. His intense gaze, shrouded by the mask, seems to hold you almost captive and confined to the chair you sat on, and his words seem to echo in the confined space.

"I... I believe that everyone deserves a chance to heal and grow, Mr. Moon," You respond carefully, trying to regain your composure. "But it's also important to work through the past before embracing the future."

He tilts his head slightly, as if considering your words. The room remains eerily quiet, the shadows deepening around you.

"Do you believe people can truly change?" he asks, voice softer now, almost pleading.

You take a deep breath, feeling the weight of his question sitting right on your chest.

"I believe that change is possible, Mr. Moon," You reply gently, choosing your words with care. "People have the capacity to grow and evolve, and to make choices that lead to a more positive outlook. But this varies from person to person𑁋if they are willing to put in the effort to do so."

For a moment, the tension in the room seems to dissipate slightly. The shadows on the walls appear to retreat, and the dim light feels less suffocating.

"Doctor," he finally speaks, voice low despite only being the two of you in the room, like he's telling you a secret. "what if... those flames of the past have burned too brightly, leaving nothing but ashes behind?"

You furrow your brows. "I-I would say𑁋"

"It's what happened to me, doctor, don't you understand?" he snaps suddenly, standing up from the bed to step closer to you. "You can't possibly understand what it's like to fucking lose everything, to watch it all burn in front of your fucking eyes! This is why I did this𑁋I put my life into the phoenix. I burned what was left of me, and now I'm here, in this absolute hellhole."

"Mr. Moon, I need you to calm down, please𑁋"

There's a flash of anger that shoots through his eyes, the flame burning in his pupils brighter than before. The atmosphere grows tense in the snap of a finger, and you instinctively stand up to bring yourself in the direction of the door to the room, maintaining a safe distance, acutely aware of the limited space and the fact that you're alone with him. There's an emergency button within reach where you can call for help whenever needed.

You can't get yourself to respond, feeling frozen from the way you can feel your heart pounding anxiously in your chest from his close proximity. He takes a step back, his hands trembling slightly as he clenches and unclenches them. The room seems to regain a semblance of normalcy, but the tension still lingers in the air, and you still can't move.

You watch as he cowers back towards the bed, leaving you standing next to the door. You felt as if you've been holding your breath, like you were submerged underwater and your fight or flight instincts were kicking in.

"You won't give up on me, right, doctor?" he asks, and the way he says it so weakly, naively, makes your head spin. "You can trust me, right?"

You smooth out your white coat, placing yourself back down in the seat across from him anticipatingly.

"I... I trust you," You mutter meekly. "I won't give up on you."

The corner of his eyes crinkle again. He's smiling. You can see it through the mask.

"How lovely," he states sweetly. "We're on the right track, then."

"Y/N𑁋I mean Dr. L/N, are you okay?" Seokmin's voice comes up from behind as you walk yourself towards your office, feeling completely and utterly scatterbrained from the events of the past hour.

As Seokmin's voice reaches your ears, you take a deep breath to steady yourself. You turn to Seokmin and offer him a reassuring smile, though it doesn't quite reach your eyes, but seeing him in front of you already makes you feel a tad bit better.

"I'm fine, Seokmin, thank you." Your voice carries a hint of exhaustion and residual unease. "Just a challenging session, but I'm okay."

Seokmin just nods, but as you were about to turn around, he says, "If you... uh, ever need someone to talk to or anything, just know I'm here for you, okay? It can be tough, I've heard."

You smile gratefully at him, this time genuinely reaching your eyes. It feels like a breath of fresh air talking to him.

"Thank you," You tell him. "I might just have to take you up on that someday."

Seokmin scratches the back of his neck shyly and returns your smile with a warm one of his own. "Well, you know where to find me."

You stand still for a moment as Seokmin begins to dismiss himself away to resume his rounds, but just then, you feel a sudden idea pop up in your head.

"Seokmin, wait!" You exclaim after the man, who immediately turns around to the sound of your voice, peering at you worriedly. "Actually, there's something... Could you do me a favour?"

His eyes light up curiously. "Sure, what do you want me to do?"

You step up closer to him, looking around to ensure no one else was listening in.

"Can you help find me more information about the patient in 610?" You lean in, lowering your voice to a hushed tone. "I'd like to know more about his background, more than what's in his file right now, or just anything that might help me understand him better."

Seokmin raises a brow briefly but nods either way. "I'll see what I can do, Dr. L/N."

FLASHBACK: 2013

The rec room was buzzing with activity as you entered, giving a chance for patients to interact with others and engage in activities outside of their rooms. Laughter, conversation, and the occasional burst of youthful energy filled the air; it’s a striking comparison to the somber atmosphere of the individual therapy sessions you usually conducted.

As you glanced around to find Hui, you finally caught sight of the boy sitting alone at a table in the very corner of the room. He appeared seemingly engrossed on the piece of paper in front of him, an array of crayons sat on the table. His focus was so intense that he seemed completely oblivious to the world around him.

You approached Hui's table with a gentle smile. "Hui, how are you doing today?"

Hui looked up from his drawing, eyes meeting yours briefly. "I'm fine," he replied coldly. "Just drawing."

You glanced down at his artwork, which depicted a scene of fire and destruction. The flames consumed a house, while stick-figure people screamed in the windows, their tiny, distorted faces twisted in agony. The only colours there would be that of the orange and red gigantic flame that enveloped the jagged, blackened lines of the house.

"That's... quite a powerful drawing, Hui," You commented as you took a seat right next to him. "What made you choose this subject?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, eyes not leaving his paper. "It's just what I felt like drawing."

"Is this supposed to represent what happened to your family?"

Hui only continued to mindlessly colour his drawing, his crayon moving across the paper with deliberate strokes.

"Maybe," he replied stoically. "I saw it all happen, but I couldn't do anything."

You studied Hui's face for a moment, but his expression remained blank, his focus entirely on the drawing. His mien was calm, almost eerily so, in comparison to the disturbing scene of destruction right below his fingertips.

"Can you tell me more about what you saw, Hui?" You asked him.

He glanced at you briefly, and for a moment, you thought you saw a flicker of something in his eyes. But it was gone so quickly that you couldn't be sure if you had imagined it.

"I already told you," he pressed. "I saw the fire, and I watched everything burn. It wasn't my fault that it happened."

You nodded, acknowledging his words, and continued to watch him work on the drawing.

"Did you ever feel sad about what happened, Hui?" You questioned.

Hui's face only remained impassive as he answered, "It won't change anything."

You could only think about all the trauma he must have endured𑁋from losing his family and being the sole survivor of such a ruinous event, to having to deal with all the emotions at once that it must feel almost numbing inside of him.

"Did anyone help you during or after the fire, Hui?" You prodded calmly.

He still didn't look up from his drawing. "Some firefighters came, and they put out the fire. But they couldn't save my family."

You felt that pang of sympathy for Hui as he mentioned the firefighters' futile attempts to save his family all while he was waiting right outside the house. It was clear that the traumatic experience had locked his emotions away behind a stoic, desensitized façade.

"I'm sorry to hear about your family, Hui," You said softly. "It's completely okay to feel sad or angry about what happened."

Hui's hand paused briefly in its colouring, but he didn't look up. You glanced down to the paper, noticing that he was drawing something in the corner, almost appearing like some sort of bird, like some sort of crow or cardinal.

"I don't feel much about it anymore. It's just the way things are."

Your eyes drift from his drawing, concern deepening, but you understood that emotional numbing was a common coping mechanism for trauma survivors. In a way, it's like a protective shell around oneself to prevent further pain. The emotional scars ran deep, and sometimes, it was easier for them to keep their feelings at bay rather than confront the overwhelming grief and sorrow that lurked beneath the surface.

That is what you attributed with Hui𑁋what you always had when he first came here. And you promised him patience and that it took time to fully heal.

"I'll leave you be now, okay?" You stood up from the seat, giving the young boy a reassuring squeeze to the shoulder.

Hui doesn't respond, still engrossed in his drawing. You took a step back, leaving him to his artwork, and decided to check on some of the other children in the room for the time being.

You swore you could feel his eyes on you as you walked away.

PRESENT DAY: 2023

Your eyes are practically lasering holes right through the manila folder of Moon Jun's file.

The file only houses the basics𑁋his medical history, therapy notes, and observations from the staff. But there's something missing, something you can't quite put your finger on. His background information is limited, and there are no records of any family members or relatives listed. It's as if he appeared out of nowhere.

A knock on your office door makes you jump, and you quickly open your eyes to see Seokmin standing there with a stack of papers in his hands, concern etched on his face.

"Sorry, did I startle you?" he asks, stepping inside your office.

You offer a tired smile. "A bit, but it's okay. Come in."

Seokmin walks further into your office, closing the door lightly behind him. He takes a moment to study your expression, clearly noticing the exhaustion and frustration on your face. You let out a sigh and lean back in your chair, rubbing your temples with your fingertips as Seokmin sits down right across from you.

"So, I tried to do some digging, as you asked." Seokmin places the stack of papers on the desk. "It wasn't easy to look into his medical history, but I think this might be important."

You straighten up in your chair, your exhaustion momentarily forgotten as you lean in to examine the stack of papers Seokmin has brought. However, what you expected is to see information regarding him, but instead, you see news reports.

"I... I don't know if any of these can be related, but I found a few unsolved cases of arson over the years. It might be the cause of his facial scarring," Seokmin explains. "I think one of them happened at an orphanage, another at an abandoned warehouse nearby, and another at a small church a few miles from here."

You carefully pick up one of the articles and start to read the details. The article mentions a fire at an orphanage several years ago that resulted in the tragic loss of lives. The incident remained unsolved, with no clear cause identified. Then you come across another article about the fire at the warehouse, and it, too, was a case that had perplexed investigators, leaving it unsolved.

"...and I also think there was one about a family from around... nine? Ten years ago? I didn't read all the details of it, but I believe only one survived𑁋"

That's when you feel your heart drop all the way down to the ground, into the ground at that point, eyes widening as the gasp that leaves your mouth cuts Seokmin off. You're already standing up, fingers trembling, as you frantically shuffle through the articles he had provided for you.

"Where can I find that one? Is it here?"

Your adamancy surprises Seokmin as he scrambles through the papers before taking one out and offering it to you. You take the article from his hands. The paper is slightly crumpled, and the ink is faded, but the headline is still clear: "Family Tragedy Claims Lives, Sole Survivor Emerges."

The only survivor was a teenage boy, whose name was redacted from the article for privacy.

But you know exactly who it is.

The article describes how he had been found by the firefighters, huddled on the lawn outside the burning house, his eyes blank with shock. Authorities had attempted to investigate, but the case quickly went cold due to lack of evidence. It also mentions that the boy had lost his entire family that night and was assumed to be too traumatised to provide any coherent information about the fire's cause, which later caused him to be sent to a psychiatric facility due to the trauma.

"Doctor, what is this?" Seokmin interrupts your thoughts as he brings up another paper from view.

You glance up from the article to meet Seokmin's gaze, the urgency in his eyes mirroring your own. He unfolds it carefully, and as your eyes scan the headline, your heart sinks further: "Tragic Fire Engulfs Local Psychiatric Facility."

As you read through it, you swear you feel the same flames dancing up the skin of your arms. This article reports a fire that occurred exactly ten years ago at the very psychiatric facility where both you and Seokmin currently work. You were there that night. It was only your first year as a psychologist at the facility, still learning the ropes of your profession. The memories you've long tried to suppress come flooding back.

The sound of alarms blaring, the acrid smell of smoke, the frantic efforts to evacuate patients, and the feeling of utter helplessness as the flames consumed parts of the facility. It had left scars on your soul, scars you thought you had buried deep over the years.

That boy was one of your first ever patients.

Your arms are itching again, and you can almost feel the searing heat from that night a decade ago.

"Y/N, are you... are you okay?" Seokmin asks. You can see the worry in his eyes, but you're not sure if you can answer his question.

You swallow hard, your throat dry as you try to find your voice. "Yeah, I just... Sorry, reading this article, and..."

That's when Seokmin gets it. "Were you..." His eyes lower down to where one of your hands is clawing anxiously at the sleeves of your arm, and he immediately takes away the article from view. "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. I didn't know you were..."

You manage a weak smile as you bring your arms back down to your side, hugging yourself instead. "It's alright. You didn't know."

Seokmin doesn't seem entirely convinced, for a moment feeling stuck on what to say. "Are you sure that you're up for this? We can always𑁋"

"Yes," You say boldly. "It'll be okay."

You take a deep breath.

"I'll be okay."

"You seem troubled today, doctor."

In the dimly lit room, Moon Jun's observation is shrewd as always, whose calculating eyes seem to analyse every twitch of your expression as you both sit in the room together, right across from each other, with him hovering over you while you felt feeling like a cowering mouse trapped in a cage.

You flash him a faint, grateful smile. "I appreciate your concern, but let's focus back on you now, shall we?"

"Uh-uh, doctor," he taunts, crossing his arms together and shaking his head dismissively. Even in the darkness of the room, you swear you see his lips curl into a smirk under that damn mask of his. "If I'm not mistaken, you said at the very beginning that I have control over what I want to talk about in our sessions. I realise I hardly know anything about you! Isn't that funny? I consider you a dear friend, you know. You're the only person in this place who even makes the effort to talk with me."

The weight of his words suspend like a dense fog. You can hear the faint hum of the ventilation system, see the way the lone light fixture in the room seems to flicker intermittently. It plays tricks on your perception, making his features appear to morph and shift, all while his eyes are practically dissecting you.

"Friendship... is built on trust," You reply cautiously. "But our sessions are designed for your benefit. My role here is to help you, not the other way around, and my personal life is not relevant for this."

He leans in closer, his eyes never leaving yours, and you can feel his intense focus like a physical weight. You're caught in the gravitational pull of his eyes, his relentless gaze that seems to strip away your defenses. "But, doctor, how can you truly help me if you don't open up a little?"

He tilts his head, the mask inches away from your face, his eyes boring into yours.

"We could be more than what we are right now, couldn't we, doctor?" he whispers, feeling his cold breath against your skin even through the mask, and you close your eyes. "I could make you feel things you've never felt before𑁋"

"Stop! Please!" You yell out unexpectedly, hearing nothing but the unsteadiness of your breaths and the echo of your own voice in the dim room. Your eyes snap back open; he's not hovering over you, and the disturbing scenario you had just experienced was nothing more than a figment of your imagination.

Instead, Moon Jun is calmly seated away from you, watching you intently from the bed. There's a curious glint in his eyes, one that suggests he's found your reaction to be rather... entertaining.

"Doctor, you do seem to be quite troubled today," he remarks almost playfully, voice dripping with amusement that shoots goosebumps up your skin. "Seeing things, aren't we?"

You can't quite find the words to respond, and the sensation of his cold breath against your skin still lingers in your memory.

"You must think about me a lot, day and night possibly, if you imagine such things," he teases, and you feel the way his words crawl under your skin. "You probably wonder what lies behind this mask of mine, don't you? You're a special friend𑁋perhaps you deserve to see it."

You watch the way his gloved fingers toy with the edges of his mask, and for a moment, it seems like he's contemplating something. The room is so silent that you can hear your own heart pounding in your chest.

Then without warning, he reaches up and slowly starts to peel off the mask, revealing the face hidden beneath. Your breath catches in your throat as his visage is unveiled.

His face is tainted by a network of scars, the skin tissue looking raw and discoloured. The scars extend from his jawline up to his cheeks and forehead, giving his face an almost grotesque and nightmarish appearance. Some scars look like they were caused by something sharp, while others appear more like burns. There were also some that seemed almost... fresher than others. His lips, once hidden by the mask, are twisted into a smirk that sends shivers down your spine.

"You wanted to see, didn't you, doctor?" he asks, voice low and taunting. "You wanted to know what's behind this mask."

You can't tear your gaze away from his disfigured face, and you're overwhelmed by a mix of curiosity, horror, and a strange fascination.

"Are you surprised, doctor?" he continues, voice now tinged with mockery. "Do I look like a monster to you?"

You can't seem to respond just yet, eyes still peering over him as if trying to discern the features of his face. There's this wave of familiarity that seems to hit you, as if you've seen those certain details before. A nagging feeling tugs at the corners of your memory like a half-forgotten dream.

You squint, trying to connect the dots between the disfigured face before you and the dim recollection buried deep within your mind. The way the scars twist and curl, the faint traces of burn marks𑁋it's all so eerily and hauntingly familiar. You swear you've seen those eyes before. He watches your expression closely, as if he can read your thoughts, and those eyes that seem to follow your every move, your every thought𑁋

And then it hits you. It hits you like a freight train on the tracks that was beyond avoidable. It hits you like a tidal wave crashing against the shore of your conscience, leaving wreckage to be abandoned and forgotten forever in its wake. It hits you like a thunderstorm tearing apart a peaceful, sunny day.

"Hui...?" is all you manage to choke out.

Images from the past flash before your eyes𑁋Hui, the young boy you once knew, whose face was marked with troubled innocence and a haunting vulnerability that had drawn you to him in the first place. You had watched him grow, had nurtured the fragile trust he had placed in you. You recall your early sessions together, hearing all the painful details of the fire that had torn his life apart.

His smirk deepens, and his eyes gleam with an uncanny satisfaction.

"Hui died ten years ago, doctor," he says with a cold, haunting certainty. "He died in that same fire that set this place ablaze. I'm sure you remember that very well, don't you?"

The room seems to close in on you, and the memories of that fateful night come rushing back like a torrential downpour. The fire, the chaos, the screams. It had been a nightmarish scene, etched into your memory like the faint scars that plague your arms from that very night.

But before you could respond, you felt something vibrate in your pocket. It's the end of your session.

FLASHBACK: 2013

The fire alarm rang.

It was blaringly loud, completely jolting you out of your chair in the silence that carried through your office. Your heart raced as the panic had begun to sink in, the blood-red light of the alarm painted the muted colours of your office walls with a surreal, macabre-like glow, and the acrid scent of smoke was beginning to fill your lungs.

You reached for the door handle, but your trembling hands fumbled, and it wouldn't budge. You tried again and again, the cold sweat on your palms making it even more difficult to grip.

"Wh-What the hell?" You shakily muttered to yourself, before bringing your fists up to pound on the door. "Hello? Someone help me! I'm in here! Someone!"

The panic intensified as the fire alarm continued its relentless wail as you continued to pound on the door. Smoke started to seep in from the edges of your office door, and you could feel the heat of the flames approaching. You coughed, choking on the sharp fumes that stung your throat. It felt like the walls were closing in on you. Fuck, fuck, what do you do? How the hell was the fire spreading so fast?

You were trapped. You were going to die.

The windows! You remembered the windows. Desperation drove you to the large window on the wall. Instinctively, you grabbed a chair and used it to break it, the sound of shattering glass ringing in your ears, the shards grazing against your skin and the palm of your hands, making you let out a sharp gasp. Blood trickled from the cuts on your hands, and as you peered down to the ground below, you realised that you were too high above the ground for a safe jump.

The fire was only getting closer and closer.

As you hesitated by the shattered window, a muffled voice from the hallway reached your ears. "Is anyone in there? We're trying to get you out!"

Your eyes widened as you stumbled back to the door. "I'm in here! Please help!"

"Step back! We're breaking down the door!"

You stepped back from the window as much as you could and away from the smoke, feeling the flames inching closer. Your vision blurred as you fought to breathe, eyes stinging with tears from the dry air.

Moments later, a loud crash resounded through the room as the door burst open. A group of firefighters rushed in, their protective gear making them look like otherworldly figures emerging from the haze. They quickly located you, wrapped you in a fire-resistant blanket, and led you to safety.

Once you were outside, an emergency medical team checked you over for any injuries, plastered up your arms, and administered oxygen. You were shaken, bruised, and suffering from smoke inhalation, but you were alive. Somehow. In some way.

Then, you found your mind drifting back to Hui. Did he manage to get out safely? Where was he? Questions swirled in your mind as you watched the firefighters work tirelessly to contain the blaze. God, he must not be in the right state of mind after witnessing yet another fire himself.

"Excuse me..." You weakly called out to a paramedic, voice barely a whisper.

The paramedic turned to you, concern etched on their face beneath their protective gear. "Yes, are you okay?"

You swallowed hard, barely getting your words together. "I was in there... in the building. I have some patients... uh... Do you know if they made it out? I need to know if they're safe."

The paramedic exchanged a glance with another passing colleague, eyes hidden behind their mask, before returning back to you and shaking their head.

"We're still searching for survivors and dealing with the fire," they explained. "We can't give you any information right now. I'm truly sorry. I'll let them know to keep a lookout. Can you describe them for me?"

You described what your other patients and what Hui looked like as much as you could, and the emergency worker took down all the information before walking away to tend to others.

The silence that followed was suffocating, perhaps even more than what you endured inside the building, and you found it difficult to hold back tears of frustration from flowing down your face.

As the smoke gradually dissipated and the flames were brought under control, the once-deafening alarm was reduced to sporadic chirps and the occasional distant rumble of falling debris. The scene around you was one of destruction, merely charred remains of a place that was filled with hope and healing.

You glanced down at your trembling, injured hands and arms and see the cuts from the shattered window, yet the physical pain was nothing compared to the anguish in your heart, and the fear and guilt that gnawed at you. You lost patients whom you had sworn to protect, had sworn𑁋no, promised to heal.

It was only when the search and rescue teams began to wind down their efforts that you realised the search for Hui had come with no results. All of your other patients were safe, but him. There was no sign of him anywhere, as if he slipped off the face of the earth.

A firefighter approached you some time later, his face covered in soot appearing both exhausted and empathetic.

"I'm sorry," he spoke, voice heavy with regret and defeat. "We've searched every area we could access, but we haven't found anyone else. The fire was intense, and... I'm truly sorry."

His words hit you like a hammer blow, and you felt your heart sink even further. You had dedicated your life to saving others, and yet it seemed that you might have failed to save one.

"Thank... Thank you for trying," You mumbled to the firefighter, nodding in acknowledgement. "And thank you for risking your lives to save us."

PRESENT DAY: 2023

The clouds outside obscure any hints of sunlight, and the overcast sky casts a sad, grey hue over the world outside. The room feels dim and lonely despite the overhead lights. You try to ignore that particular gnawing feeling to your skin as you sit at your desk, waiting for your next session with Moon Jun to start. It'll happen anytime now𑁋perhaps the more you anticipate will make time go by slower.

However your thoughts are interrupted by the soft knock at your door, and you look up to see Seokmin standing there. He offers you a warm smile as you motion for him to come inside, and you swear you see small ray of sunshine break through the clouds outside at the corner of your eye.

"Hey, how're you holding up?" he asks. "I wanted to check up on you."

You tilt your head a bit giddily at the sight of him. "We just had lunch break together, Seokmin."

He rolls his eyes at this, scratching the back of his neck bashfully. "I know, I know, but I... Well, is there a rule here that says I can't see you twice in one day when we're not working?"

Your lips purse together thoughtfully. "I guess not."

"Good." He grins, but it's quick to fade once he takes another look at you. "so... how have you been?"

The soft concern in Seokmin's voice is almost like a comforting hug for your ragged nerves. Normally it's your duty to ask your patients those kinds of questions, not the other way around. You offer him a tired but appreciative smile as he settles into the chair across from your desk. It's a rare moment when the roles are reversed, even if it's just for one short minute.

"You look tired," Seokmin points out, and it makes you let out a chuckle, even though it's tinged with weariness.

"You have a good eye, Seokmin," You reply playfully, and he blushes at this. "Do you want to know what I've been dreaming about the past few weeks?

Seokmin thinks about it for a second, then his eyes widen slightly.

"Is it... the fire?" he queries, hoping there's that small chance he might be wrong.

Your steady gaze meets his.

"Yes," You admit casually. "It's always the fire."

Or specifically, it's the fire and the guilt that you weren't able to save anyone, and it had been eating away at you ever since that fateful day.

His face softens at this, then he feels himself hesitate for a brief moment, before slowly reaching out to place his hand over yours on the desk. His touch is warm and reassuring, and you can feel the genuine concern in his eyes.

"I-I'm sorry you have to go through that, I wish there was a way I could... you know, stop you from reliving those kinds of things." His words make your lips twitch upwards, and he knows he's done something right. He finishes your smile with one of his own. "But... you're not alone in this. Just know I'm here."

"You've been helping me this entire time, Seokmin," You assure him. "If anything, I should be the one thanking you."

The weight of all the memories and unhealed scars left behind still cling to you like shadows. But in the presence of Seokmin, the burdens seem a little lighter, the darkness a bit less suffocating. The room seems a bit less lonely as you both sit there, just like all the days you eat lunch together where you seem to look forward to seeing him sit with you, and the sound of the clock ticking on the wall serves as a reminder that time keeps moving forward.

Before you know it, it's as if you've been struck by a gong that you could only hear, and you knew it was time to move forward with your session. You take your hand away from Seokmin as you stand up, and he follows suit.

"Y/N, wait, um..." Seokmin stops you before you could leave, and you turn back to him. "If something bad happens, or if you need anything, don't hesitate to reach out to me, even outside of work. I... want to make sure you're okay."

His words warm your heart, and you shoot him a thankful look.

"I know I can," You say, while opening the door to the outside of your office. "Thank you, Seokmin."

When you enter inside room 610, you spot Moon Jun sitting on the chair that you were supposed to sit in, his posture relaxed and arms crossed almost impatiently. He didn't wear the mask on his face, and he appeared confident, somewhat smug. It was the only other chair in the room. The other place for you to sit would be... the bed. This isn't how a typical therapy session begins.

"Doctor, I was just thinking about you!" he exclaims excitedly. "Please, go ahead and sit down on the bed. I thought it would be great to change things up a little. You wouldn't mind, would you?"

You hesitate for a moment, glancing between him and the bed. Maintaining your professionalism, you make your way to the bed and sit down, folding your hands in your lap. Something brushes against your leg for a moment, you look down to see a sheet of paper sitting next to you, and a plethora of crayons resting on top.

"Please bare with me for the mess, I was busy drawing before you came in," he tells you, voice almost cheery and... delighted?

As you sit on the bed, his demeanour only raises more questions than answers. He appears unusually relaxed, and his eagerness is disturbing. It's unlike him.

"Of course, that's fine with me," You tell him casually.

There's a grin that spreads across his scarred face, and it brings an uncomfortable twist to your stomach, but you don't let it show, though at this point you feel that he can sense your nervousness, your unease, knowing there's history between you two you thought to have burned away in the back of your mind.

Yet it had all come back just like his reemergence back into your life𑁋into something more sinister.

"He talks to me sometimes, even though he's perished in the flames," Jun begins, grabbing the paper right next to you. "You remember his drawings, right? Back in that big, bright room... where beneath all those smiles of the other patients was just... hopelessness."

Then he flips the paper over, and you find yourself peering at a drawing of flames, and the uncanny similarity to Hui's artwork all those years ago cannot be ignored. You see the same vivid depiction of flames, the swirling reds and oranges dancing on the page, and the black lines of its remains. But more than that, it's the emotions that these drawings evoke, the overwhelming sense of dread, and the traumatic memories that it unsheathes. He's the personification of the fire that scarred you all those years ago.

You feel a lump form in your throat. "Hui..."

"I-I am not Hui!" he wails out unexpectedly, voice shaking with anger. His hand grips the crayon so tightly that it snaps in his grasp, the colour streaking across the paper. "Hui is dead, remember? Burned by the flames?"

"If you're not Hui, then who are you?" You ask almost pleadingly.

His fingers toy with the broken crayon as he leans in closer, his disfigured face mere inches from yours. His gaze pierces through you like a knife, and in the dimly lit room, the shadows play tricks on his scarred face, making his disfigurement seem even more malformed.

"The phoenix, don't you remember, doctor?" He chuckles lowly. "It's a creature reborn from the ashes of its own destruction, risen from the flames just like me. Rebirth and fire, doctor! You haven't been paying attention, have you?"

You sense the panic seeping inside you, causing your heart to race. His words send shivers down your spine, and you realise that he's explaining with a belief that goes beyond mere delusion, beyond repair. The scars on his face are only a fraction of the damage done. He claims to have risen from the ashes, taking on a new identity, giving him this motive of... cleaning the world with fire.

Cleaning the world...

...with fire.

Ashes of its own destruction....

"You..." You slowly rise up from the bed, the room suddenly feeling too confining. The door seemed like it was miles away, and you find your breathing shaky and unsteady. "You were... you caused those fires, didn't you?"

His eyes fixate and narrow down on you as you stand up from the bed, and a sly smile spreads across his scarred face. His gaze is intense, and you feel like you're trapped. You recall the sessions you had with him years ago that you thought were leading him toward healing. But now, you face a man who has fully embraced a twisted ideology.

"I didn't cause those fires," he responds with eerie calmness. "I simply set things in motion."

"You𑁋You killed innocent people, you were the one... from ten years ago... You𑁋"

"They were all lost, meaningless, and I brought meaning to their lives. What's so hard to understand?" he deadpans.

"You killed your family," You state. "How can... how can you justify that?"

"Hui killed his family, I didn't," he claims, crumpling up the piece of paper in his hands. "Hui started all of this, I'm merely just a follower. He was misunderstood his entire life, and you promised him healing, which you didn't fulfill."

The room feels like it's boiling you alive, and you're stuck in an endless maze of his twisted delusions. There's a sense of helplessness as you try to reach through to the man behind the scars, the one who once sought your help, but you fear that he's too far gone.

"Jun, this isn't the answer. The… the phoenix is not real,” You plead, your voice trembling. "Hui was troubled, yes, but violence is not the path to understanding or redemption. It only leads to more pain and destruction."

His expression only hardens as he throws the crumpled up piece of paper on the floor, gloved hands forming fists at his side.

"You think you can help people by sitting in your comfy chair, listening to their problems, and scribbling notes on a fucking notepad." He scoffs annoyedly, leaning back in his chair. "You're just like all the others, doctor, so dumb and worthless. You never understood... You say that you do, but you don't."

And just as you were about to speak, you watch him pull something out of the pocket of his patient gown. You squint your eyes, and a gasp shudders out of you when you notice what's in his hands.

A lighter.

"You people are just so gullible, all while you're thinking you're helping," he mutters, flicking the lighter on. The tiny flame dances at the tip, casting bizarre shadows across his scarred face. "When in reality, you're laughing behind our backs with your stupid cigarettes and your fancy degrees. You wouldn't believe the things you can find in a place like this. It's amazing what people leave lying around."

There's an arrow that penetrates through your heart, an arrow of betrayal, helplessness. How can he think of you this way when you dedicated your entire time to helping him heal all those years ago? How can he, of all people, not see that your intentions were always to provide support and understanding?

You can feel the room heating up, not just from the small flame but from the growing tension. Jun's eyes are locked onto the flickering fire of the lighter, and his words are plagued with bitter resentment. You attempt to scurry to the door, but he blocks your way, nearly shoving the flame of the lighter in your face.

"Don't you see how beautiful this is, doctor?" he utters in a trance-like state, as if the flame was hypnotising him. The orange and yellow hues reflect onto his soulless eyes. He moves the lighter dangerously close to your face, and you can feel the searing heat radiating from the tiny inferno at the tip of your nose.

Your heart pounds like a beating drum, beads of sweat form on your forehead, and your breathing quickens as panic threatens to engulf you. But his gaze only remains possessed on the fire, as if he's being consumed by the very flames he holds in his hands.

"It's so beautiful how something so small can hold so much power," he murmurs, voice barely more than a whisper.

"This... This isn't the way to find meaning or healing," You respond, slowly backing away from him, trying to create some distance between the flame and yourself. "Fire and destruction only lead to more suffering, more pain. It's not the answer, Jun."

For a split second, something flickers in Jun's eyes, as if a fragment of his former self tries to break free from the shackles of his obsession. But it's a fleeting moment, quickly devoured by his fixation on the fire.

"There are... There are people who want to help you. Don't you remember all of our sessions together? All the... all the breakthroughs we had? You were making progress, Jun. You were on your way to healing." You bring your hand up as if in defense, watching him closely as he steps the tiniest inch closer to you. "I... I want to help you, I always have. I..."

He stares at you, and for a moment, it seems like your words might be getting through to him.

"Let me help you, Hui."

But just when you think your words may have struck a chord, his face contorts into a menacing grin and you can see the flame reflect onto his eyes. The last fragile thread of sanity that seemed to linger has snapped.

"You failed Hui that night, just like you failed me." He chuckles darkly. "You couldn't save us. Do you really think you can save everyone, doctor? Do you really think all the patients you've helped all these years are any better off now?"

Now, you found yourself speechless, a tight grip around your throat from his words.

He laughs coldly, waving the flame in front of your face once more. "You're so blind, doctor. You want to heal and save everyone, but you can't save me, and you can't save yourself. I can see it in your eyes."

He’s getting in your head, you know he is. He's trying to loosen your grip on whatever reality is𑁋attempting to unravel in your mind that you were, in some way, responsible for the events that had occurred over the years, forcing you to succumb to the guilt placed on your shoulders. You've never dealt with someone so deeply rooted to their own twisted reality. You can't reason with him.

It's impossible.

But you refuse to be the victim of your own past just like you had made yourself to be.

"Junhui," You call out urgently, and the use of his real name brings a harsh, foreign taste to your tongue. You notice the way he flinches slightly to it. "That person still exists inside you𑁋I-I know it does. Please, let that part of you come back. I'm here to listen, to understand, and to help. No matter what you believe."

The flame continues to sway at the end of the lighter, yet his face remains deformed into that unsettling grin, but your words seem to have given him a momentary pause.

"You think you can bring him back?" he hisses, bringing the flame away from your face, stretching his arm out toward the side. "He's dead, doctor. It's too late."

And with that, he tosses the lighter in the direction of the bed, and a cascade of flames quickly engulf the sheets, the crayons, the drawing, everything. Horror sets in as you watch the fire rapidly spreading, consuming the room, and overhead the fire alarm screams into action.

"Isn't it beautiful, doctor?" he guffaws as the flames devour the room, eyes wide with awe. "It's so perfect... So beautiful..."

Nothing but Jun's laughter fills the air as he watches the flames lick up the once-white walls with a maniacal fascination. The flames flicker and crackle loudly, casting shifting shadows on the walls of the room. You dart towards the door, but the intense heat and smoke make it nearly impossible to breathe or see, and you cover your mouth and nose with your hand. Coughing and vision disoriented, you stumble and hit the floor with a thud, weakly pounding your fists against the door.

"Someone help!" You shout desperately, the words barely escaping your mouth. "Someone help! I-I'm in here! Anyone, please!"

The room is suffocating you whole. You can hardly even see where Jun is amidst all the smoke, yet his laughter still rings in your ears, fogging away all your thoughts. You keep pounding on the door, voice hoarse from shouting, skin tingling with heat, but there's no response from the other side.

So this is how you're going to die, You think to yourself, leaning back against the wall like you were accepting your fate, and the thought makes you chuckle at the irony.

Time seems to stretch into eternity. But just when it feels like all hope is lost, the door bursts open, and a strong hand reaches in, grabbing your arm and pulling you out of the room and into the chaotic corridor. In the corridor, the fresh air is quick to fill up your lungs. You gasp for breath, your heart racing, while the fire alarm continues to blare.

It's Seokmin who pulled you from the room, and you can hardly make out his face from your stinging, watery eyes. He wraps a protective arm around you as you both stumble away from the dangerous room, mixing with the rushing crowd of staff and patients all being guided outside to their safety.

"Y/N, are you okay?! Stay with me!" Seokmin continues to pull you through the corridor, shielding you from anything that you might run into.

You only manage a weak nod, still coughing from all the smoke. Your mind is racing, and you can hardly tell where you were going, but you trust Seokmin's guidance as he leads you further away from the scene of the fire. The sounds of sirens and shouting surround you, and the sight of the smoke floating out from the room you just escaped haunts your thoughts.

When the brightness of the outside hits your eyes, you catch your breath and fall out of Seokmin's grasp and down to the ground. Firefighters and police officers quickly brush past you and into the building as Seokmin pulls you up once more to lead you in the direction of the paramedics and ambulances.

"Here, sit down." Seokmin places you on the stair of the ambulance and helps you out of your white coat before wrapping a blanket around you. "Can we get some help over here?"

A paramedic approaches, checking you over and providing oxygen to help clear your lungs of all the smoke you inhaled. Your heart is still pounding in your chest as you sit there, trying to process what just happened.

Seokmin places himself right next to you, scanning over your features closely. You look over at him, and he gives you a reassuring smile, pushing away some disheveled strands of hair so he could properly see your face.

"You're going to be okay," he assures you, rubbing some comforting circles on your back. "Just take deep breaths and try to relax. They'll take you to the hospital to make sure you're alright."

You give him a nod, feeling a bit more security from him than the blanket draped over your shoulders right now. The two of you sit there for a few minutes, calmly watching the chaos begin to subside. It didn't look like the fire damaged much in terms of the outside of the building.

"I'm going to see if I could help around," Seokmin says, standing up. "Just stay here, okay? I'll be back before they take you to the hospital."

Just as he begins to walk away, you hesitate for a second, before calling out his name, "Hey, Seokmin?"

He turns back to you, a look of concern in his eyes. "Yes? Do you need something?"

You reach out your hand toward Seokmin, silently gesturing for him to come closer. He approaches, and without a word, you pull him into a tight hug. You feel him freeze in your grasp, before his arms fully encircle you in return, tightening the hug, and for a moment, the world around fades away as you hold onto each other. You can feel his heart beat a bit faster than normal against your chest, but you don't acknowledge it, and neither does he.

Eventually, you reluctantly pull away from the hug, but you don't let go of Seokmin's hand just yet.

"Thank you," You whisper. "for everything."

His gaze softens as he looks at you, before glancing away shyly. It makes you chuckle.

"No need to," he tells you. "I'm... I'm just happy you're safe."

The two of you stay like that for a moment, with you closing your eyes to steady your breathing while Seokmin continues to hold your hand, and you can feel the tension in your body slowly easing.

Seokmin's smile is warm, and he squeezes your hand gently. "I'll be back soon, okay? Just hang in there."

With that, he leaves your side to assist the emergency responders, leaving you seated on the ambulance's stairs, wrapped in a blanket. Your brows furrow together, trying to make sense of the situation and all the events that just transpired. The fear, the confusion, the mania that gripped the lost man back in that room𑁋it all swirls within your mind. The lingering scent of smoke fills your nose, and you swear and you can still feel the heat on your skin even though the air was cool outside.

As you sit there, lost in thought, suddenly feeling disconnected from the world around you, you find yourself questioning the nature of your profession and everything you ever believed about it. Could you have done something differently? Were there signs you missed that might have prevented this particular descent in delusion? Was he right, and you were blind this entire time? Not just for him, but for everyone you've helped?

Were you really this dumb and worthless?

Or perhaps was it impossible to save him this entire time...

...and he was too far gone?

That hefty burden of guilt, both for your inability to help him in the past and in the present, weighs heavily on your shoulders. What's for sure is that this will forever be an image tainted in your mind, scarred just like the man who brought destruction and chaos to your life today, and that particular day ten years ago.

You don't know how long you sat there until Seokmin returns, yet when he comes up to you, his face appears disturbed and... paranoid?

"They've got the fire under control. It didn't spread much farther than the room," he informs you, catching his breath. "It seems like nobody else was hurt."

"That's good to hear." Your eyes roam over his features, taking in the tense expression to his face. "Is... is everything okay? How about..."

He sits down beside you, expression still apprehensive. You can see the flicker of concern in his eyes, and the remnants of the chaos from moments ago are still evident in the way he holds himself. His gaze meets yours, and you notice a small shift in his demeanour, as if there's something he's struggling to express.

Seokmin darts his attention around, as if making sure no one was listening in, before taking a deep breath and leaning in.

"They... They said they didn't find his body in the room," he mutters, and it's so quiet you hardly make out what he says. "It's... It's like he escaped."

Your heart drops. A sinking feeling settles in your chest. Dread washes over you at his words.

"W-What?"

another another note: sorry if u expected some sort of romance w jun (which would kinda be weird for the story tbh), but feel free to imagine whatever u want w our dear seokmin. cgrats on making it to the end of the longest oneshot i’ve made so far on this blog 😍🫶

taglist (open) ʚɞ @enhazen @haowrld @ylliris-hanniehae @icyminghao @slytherinshua @jeonride @lockburn-castle @vrnism @weird-bookworm @mhlsymlysn @ryuwonieebae @yeonjuns-redhair @wonwooz1 @rubywonu @etherealyoungk

[dwellordream]

Parents Should Ignore Their Children More Often

By Darby Saxbe, clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at the University of Southern California

I recently spoke with an anthropologist named Barry Hewlett who studies child-rearing in hunter-gatherer societies in Central Africa. He explained to me that children in those societies spend lots of time with their parents — they tag along throughout the day and often help with tasks like foraging — but they are rarely the main object of their parents’ attention. Sometimes bored, sometimes engaged, these kids spend much of their time observing adults doing adult things.

Parents in contemporary industrialized societies often take the opposite approach. In the precious time when we’re not working, we place our children at the center of our attention, consciously engaging and entertaining them. We drive them around to sports practice and music lessons, where they are observed and monitored by adults, rather than the other way around. We value “quality time” over quantity of time. We feel guilty when we have to drag our children along with us to take care of boring adult business.

This intensive, often frantic style of parenting requires a lot more effort than the style Professor Hewlett described. I found myself thinking about those hunter-gatherers last month when I read the advisory from the surgeon general, Vivek Murthy, warning that many parents are stressed to their breaking point. There are plenty of reasons for this worrisome state of affairs. One is that we don’t ignore our children often enough.

The modern style of parenting is not just exhausting for adults; it is also based on assumptions about what children need to thrive that are not supported by evidence from our evolutionary past. For most of human history, people had lots of kids, and children hung out in intergenerational social groups in which they were not heavily supervised. Your average benign-neglect day care is probably closer to the historical experience of child care than that of a kid who spends the day alone with a doting parent.

Of course, just because a parenting style is ancient doesn’t make it good. But human beings have spent about 90 percent of our collective time on Earth as hunter-gatherers, and our brains and bodies evolved and adapted to suit that lifestyle. Hunter-gatherer cultures tell us something important about how children are primed to learn.

A parenting style that took its cue from those hunter-gatherers would insist that one of the best things parents can do — for ourselves as well as for our children — is to go about our own lives and tote our children along. You might call it mindful underparenting.

Children learn not only from direct instruction, but also from watching and modeling what other people around them do, whether it’s foraging for berries, changing a tire or unwinding with friends after a long day of work. From a young age, that kind of observation begins to equip children for adulthood.

More important, following adults around gives children the tremendous gift of learning to tolerate boredom, which fosters patience, resourcefulness and creativity. There is evidence from neuroscience that a resting brain is not an idle one. The research tells us that the mind gets busy when it is left alone to do its own thing — in particular, it tends to think about other people’s minds. If you want to raise empathetic, imaginative children who can figure out how to entertain themselves, don’t keep their brains too occupied.

An excellent way to bore children is to take them to an older relative’s house and force them to listen to a long adult conversation about family members they don’t know. Quotidian excursions to the post office or the bank can create valuable opportunities for boredom, too.

Leaving kids’ screens at home on such trips can deepen the useful tedium. It also forces parents to build up their tolerance to their child’s fussiness, an essential component of underparenting. Parents too often feel the need to engage their children in “fun” activities to tempt them away from screens. But by teaching children to crave constant external stimulation and entertainment, intensive parenting can actually worsen screen dependence.

To be sure, when kids are upset, in danger or require guidance, parents can and should swoop in to help. But that is precisely the point: It is only by ignoring our children much of the time that we conserve the energy necessary to give them our full attention when they actually need it.

In recent years there has been a lot of hand-wringing about so-called helicopter parents and their hopelessly coddled children. But we rarely talk about what parents ought to do instead. In an ideal world, we would set children loose to roam free outdoors, unsupervised. As a small-town Ohio kid in the 1990s, I spent hours with my brothers playing in the creek behind our house, with plenty of time to get good and bored. When that sort of “free range” experience is not an option, however, mindful underparenting is the next best thing.

This approach can take the form of bringing children with you not just on boring errands, but also when you work, socialize or exercise. I was at my gym the other day when a father came in with his 4-year-old son. The two of them took turns working out with a trainer teaching them martial arts moves. When it wasn’t his turn, the 4-year-old scrambled around the gym and, when he got tired, lay on his belly on the mat and watched his father practice kicks. Observing the boy, his big eyes taking in a ton of social information, I thought about all the parents who say that they have no time to exercise because they’re too busy with their kids.

At the same time, I thought about all the gyms that bar small children. Even as parenting has gotten more intensive, public spaces, especially in the United States, seem to have become more hostile to the presence of children. I wrote most of my Ph.D. dissertation alongside my toddler in a coffee shop in my neighborhood that had a mini play area with stacking toys, board books and room to park a stroller. That coffee shop is gone now, replaced by a sleeker cafe where it’s hard to picture a stray plastic toy, let alone a rambunctious 2-year-old.

Parents have it easier in countries such as Germany and Spain, where you can find beer gardens and tapas bars situated right next to playgrounds, or in Denmark, where parents routinely park their infants in strollers outside cafes while they socialize. In such places you can relax and catch up with friends while children romp around — a reminder of how much easier parenting gets when we enjoy the social trust born from shared investment in care.

In other words, underparenting requires structural change, and not just the obvious changes that we think of as parental stress-relievers, such as family leave and paid child care. It also requires that as a society, we build back our tolerance for children in public spaces, as annoying and distracting as they can be, and create safe environments where lightly supervised kids can roam freely. In a society that treated children as a public good, we would keep a collective eye on all our kids — which would free us of the need to hover over our own

[antihumanist]

Random Trivia/Facts About Pekka-Eric Auvinen:

He liked to go swimming, taking walks, and riding his bike for exercise

He never knew how to drive a car

He originally wanted to get a Glock but the police rejected his application because they thought a 9mm was too powerful for a starting firearms owner

He wrote in his diary he hoped to use a shotgun but obviously he never obtained one

He had been interested in things like history, political ideology, philosophy, etc since he was about 12 years old

When 9/11 happened, he was sad that it happened because at that time he admired America. He was still playing with Legos and would rebuild the twin towers over and over again

In the summer of 2006, he found a job working at a farm, but he left this job as soon ad summer ended. He also worked there with a friend from school if I remember right. It's not known what exactly he did at the farm

He was afraid in 2007 to find work because of his anxiety

Since a young age, he dressed formally/dress-like, which was one reason why he would get bullied at school. It's not clear if he wore things like button-up shirts and slacks because he wanted to or if his parents made him wear them.

He took school seriously, and wanted to try his best in all of his classes at Jokela High School. He usually got average to above average grades and was said to have been in above average intelligence compared to his classmates

When he was 14 years old, his social studies/history teacher remembers he was really opinionated about left wing and right wing ideologies, which was something he had never seen before In a student

When he was 17, in 2006, for a class discussion about North Korea, he told the class he thinked dictatorships were good because human beings didn't deserve rights at all

Even his parents say he was opinionated and stubborn, his mother said if you would try to convince him of an idea/ideology/viewpoint, he would go the opposite way of what said idea believes in

After graduation in 2008, he said he planned to go to a university to study either history, philosophy, or social psychology

He admired Hitlers leadership abilities and how he made the Third Reich a superpower, but he did not agree with Hitler ideologically

He hated racism and thought racism was stupid

In May of 2007, he and his English class watched a documentary about the Columbine Massacre (it's not known which documentary), classmates remember he was smiling and enjoying the documentary, he had already knew about Columbine by this point

He once asked his mother to go the library to get him a Finnish translation of the Unabombers manifesto Industrial Society And It's Future, but the library did not have one

In the few months leading to the Jokela Shooting, his grades had been dropping and was attending his classes less often

He got his computer in 2005 (iirc)

He took Lexapro but gradually stopped taking them by the time of his death

Whilst he may have had a few friends at school (although there is some debate of whether his in person friends were "true friends"), he probably felt he could relate and bond more with his online friends, so in a sense he was still a loner

He would blush whenever girls would say hi to him at school

Girls however, would sometimes take part in his bullying too

He once was a member of a forum called "SovietEmpire.com" but the site has since shut down

On the day of the shooting, he was supposedly seen on a supermarket CCTV riding his bike to the school but it was never released to the public

He had a knife on him, but he never used it. It was given to him by his grandfather

He was sad about the death of his grandmother

He had a mentally handicapped uncle, whom he cared about and loved

He had been accused of being a Nazi and a communist by his classmates

Somewhere around the ages of 8 to 12, he introduced himself by his name and that he loved democracy to his class on a first day of school

[amphitriteswife]

Do more of ror school au hcs please 🙏🏻 💓 💕 💗

📝✂️Ror/ Snv characters as Students📝✂️

Also am I spotting a fellow Alien stage fan??? @miserable-homo-momo

Hades:

☠️He’s a top student. On top of most of his classes, and he’s a senior.

☠️ Mostly hangs out with Qin or his brothers. He doesn’t necessarily have friends but a lot of ppl want to be tho, only he focuses on being a big brother.

☠️ Listens to a lot of music tastes. Like his play list is full of mood swings. It contains: Classic music, Pop Music, HipHop, Heavy metal ect. It kinda depends on what he feels tbh. A few of his faves would be: Tupac, Beyonce, Megan Thee Stallion, Cardi B and Mozart.

☠️Drives a nice car which made him very popular. He used it to take his brothers everywhere but he ended up sharing it between his brothers and bought a motorbike of his own🤭

☠️ He had a lot of piercings: Ears, lip, Eyebrow…nipple…But he looks good and knows how to pull it off. Like just Imagine it. Gah dayum

☠️ He actually skipped class?? You wouldn’t expect it from him but he did skip class. It’s not often but once in a blue moon. Most of the times it’s cause he wants to hang out with his brothers.

☠️ goes to all the house parties. As good of a student he is, he also likes going out. So most of the time he gets invited to parties or hang outs.

☠️ most ppl thought he was a player but ended up being one of the ppl that married their high school sweetheart. He might have dated some ppl but they weren’t flings but actually legit relationships

☠️ probably the one person that brings snacks or drinks for the class if they have a field trip or just a hot school day y’know. Like just imagine it being a hot sunny day and you still have a lot of lessons to follow and boom, hades brings ice cream for the class?? Life safer fr🙏

☠️ He probably likes History, astronomy and psychology. He kind of has random subject but he just chose what he deems as interesting. He only likes the 🪐⭐️🌠🌌 and not the math in astronomy.

☠️ He cooks on field trips that last more days. Only if its’s necessary tho. Mainly because he’s rich enough to afford going to restaurants or the school handles it.

☠️ he’s the therapist friend fr. Genuinely knows when there’s something wrong and asks, not in public tho. He doesn’t judge but actually listens to you. He also offers comfort if you need it. What a goat

☠️ class president. Even though he didn’t want to be. Most ppl voted for him for the above stated reasons. And because he’s kind of a big brother type.

☠️ man could do anything and he wouldn’t get into trouble. Mostly because all the teachers love him as a student so shawty has a good reputation.

☠️ He’s bad at art yet has very nice cursive handwriting. Probably because he takes extra poetry lessons. Or he practiced it till he was satisfied.

☠️ Is in the chess club with Beelzebub and the birb. They often play and even have participate in Tournaments.

☠️ He’s the type that also chose languages as subjects, so like German, French, Italian, Chinese, Latin and ofc Greek. Probably because his ass has a photographic memory

☠️ doesn’t eat cafeteria food and actually goed off campus to buy food. If some of his lessons are canceled he just goes to restaurants or shopping streets to kill time

☠️ Actually doesn’t rly do his homework. He only does it in classes that check homework or give bonuses for it, otherwise he usually doesn’t do it. Besides he only studies like 2 weeks before the week where all the tests are. Unless he knows he needs more time for a certain subject. Then he catches up

☠️ Went to Spain, Germany and France because he choose those subjects and teased his younger brothers for it. He did buy them a requested item for each of em. Not Zeus cause he requested a Latina babe.

☠️ He has a place in school where he always sits when he aint off campus. So if ya eveer try to find him he’s probably there.

☠️ graduated w honors fr. Mosy of the teacher wrote nice things about them and held wonderful speeches for him since he was a good student. His quote in the year book was sum like ‘👍’.

☠️ He probably went on luxurious vacations and posted the pictures on his insta. He dont do snap or any other form of social media.

Buddha

🪷 the student that doesn’t really care about grades but does get good ones.

🪷 He’s usually eats in class. But for some reason the teachers allow it cause he ain’t causing a mess. Or because he’s actually a prince and could buy the school in a second.

🪷 Definitely choose a language as a subject and geography cause man knows a lot about different cultures. My goat

🪷 Definitely a music lover. You can always catch him with one AirPod in his ear. Probably has the latest phone too cause he richy rich.

🪷 Goes to on lot of vacations. Like every break he’s somewhere. Japan, Greece, Italy, Singapore, Canada, Brazil, he goes to many places. Brodie might start doing them travel vlogs atp

🪷 He has lots of Social Media’s. Tiktok, Tenten, insta, snap, Discord??🤨 , Be real ect. His tiktok is just goofy ahh videos while his insta is usually pics of his vacations. Like you know them influencers who have them nice ahh pics? He has that, but he just aint a influencer

🪷 Never takes notes in class. So you might wanne share em w him if you have em. In return he’ll let you munch on his snacks.

🪷 BIG supporter of Cultural day. Like he already sighed a petition and complained that every school should have one. He even offered to host them and buy stuff for it.

🪷 biggest class skipper together with Qin. He’s either off campus buying stuff, at home cause brodie didn’t wanne come or he just bailed mid way with the ‘can i use the restroom?’ Tactic. His ass almost got into trouble w the school cause of the many times he was absent.

🪷 If you have a presentation with him. Yall will score perfectly. Especially if it’s a subject he knows a lot about, brodie will carry you like how Eren carried that stone in Shiganshina (aot reference 🤨)

🪷 Deals candy in school. Like you know how some schools have the policy that their cafeteria doesn’t sell unhealthy stuff? And the stuff is overpriced asf. Yeah he broke that by buying a lot of different candies and letting ppl buy em for €1 no matter what the OG price was. He may or may not have gotten into trouble but man did not care

🪷 LOVESS LOVES LOVES school trips. He always buys snacks for em. He usually researches the place where yall is going so that he can divide the time and go see the whole place instead of just only doing the assignment.

🪷 He is friends w actually almost everyone. Almost. Except Loki. But it’s difficult. Loki HATES him. While Buddha is kinda like 😒. It got so bad that Loki had to switch classes fr. Now one may ask why? Buddha worked together Sigyn that’s why

🪷 house parties, pool parties, after school parties, just any party tbh. If he catches one he is going. And Believe me it makes it so much better. He has the music, the vibe, the photo’s everything. Man is so chill fr

🪷 lowkey good friends w Hades. Mainly because they both chose languages. They usually practice together if they have like a verbal test. They got each other’s back. And yeah Buddha’s a senior cause he skipped some grades

🪷 Ppl expected him to actually be single cause of how care free he is but they were wrong cause man was SMITTEN by Yasodharā. They were literally THE couple.

🪷 Got into a class fight with Loki. Imma leave room for yall to think how that went. Man CLEARED him. But he didn’t hit tho. He didn’t square up. He just dodged and threw chips in his face.

🪷 watched anime, reads manhwa and hd merch. But he the cool ones that keep it lowkey and dont rly act upon it

🪷 Man saved the ppl who graduated w him. He arranged that the ppl in the last year could have a week long vacation to Italy. Mainly to see art or just enjoy being free from school.

🪷 As much as he hated school. He’s the type that goes for a good time. He likes being w his friends or his glorious gf Yasodharā.

Shiva:

🧿 Laid back student that barely passes but doesn’t really mind.

🧿 member of the party club! He hosts all the dances, plays, school events, parties, gala’s. Anything to do with the sort!

🧿 Also a big fan of house parties. Good music, good vibe, lots of ppl, drinks n a good home? He’s all in.

🧿 He 100% had music, art and religion as a subject. Dancing is included with art and he gives extra lessons to the youngsters. He might even have his own dance club on campus.

🧿 He’s also a fan of p.e. He 100% has a one sided rivalry with Hercules and Ares. But if it’s Ares and Hercules against each other he’s on Hercules’ side.

🧿 He hosted a Gala for the seniors and it was so goated, he even had a department for ppl who didn’t want to dance and put on game consoles on the big ahh boards.

🧿 He and Poseidon were playing Mario Kart and SSBU against each other. Half of the ppl there spectated on how the two were so focused and at each other’s throat. But after that Shiva went back to dancing.

🧿 A lot of ppl think that he’s poly but he’d monogamous and has a girlfriend. Aka Parvati. Who was his partner to homecoming. Which he hosted ofcourse.

🧿 Skips school so much that he once had to have a conversation with the school therapist to make sure there was nothing going on at home. (There isn’t) but he played it off cause he a smooth talker and got away with it.

🧿 He’s besties w Rudra. They’re the duo that everyone knows cause they’ve been going to the same school and usually have most classes together. Even if they don’t like the subject. Like you can see Shiva in some classes they don’t have together cause he just asks the teacher it its cool and most of the time it’s cool. Most.

🧿 They the duo that they meet each other in the halls cause they both got sent out of the classroom. Or they both have detention and never do any work in it there.

🧿 you can usually spot them outside going for a run or at the gym. They also share a playlist for of they go to the gym and its very intense. Or they’re goofing around and end up doing something else.

🧿 He’s also in Hades class as a senior but they aint rly close, no bad blood but they just have their own friends. Though If they were to be paired up they’d make a very good duo.

🧿 Also a big fan of Culture day. But the best part is that Parvati is in a beautiful sari, her make up done, mehendi on her hands and feet, churias on her arms, a veil on her head. Hmm perfect.

🧿 He lowkey beefs with Loki but does it in a goofy way y’know. Like he seems very intimidating cause of his physique and height but he’s lowkey chill and doesn’t bother ppl.

🧿 is lowkey a model together with Poseidon. He posts a lot of pictures on his insta, Indian weddings (they’re the best) pics of himself or if he went somewhere. Some of them are lowkey so aestheticly pleasing.

Yuh that’s it. Might make a part 3 tho

Tagging: @mizz-sea-nymph @vilereign @tinyy-tea-cup @das-jaim3 @monstertreden @rukia-writes @snowmantita @brokensenseofhumor @itz-hel @nicasdreamer @imperfectbloodmoon @swallowtail-lotus @m3l-moony @riseofamoonycake @bumblebees-knees-threes @praisethesuuun @telvess @salmonpoki @aresarmyblog

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 43

PREV

FF is a pretty good student. Solid Bs in his Gen-eds and As in regard to his major. With one C+ that he’s still working on with Captain Neil but it’s higher than the D+ that he had been pulling before Captain Neil had started to tutor him and he really just needs to pass the one gen-ed required math class.

There was many a deep breathing exercise before he made an appointment with his educational advisor for the next semester back in October but it hadn’t been that bad even though she was the one that had asked if he knew anyone good at math since it obviously was not a strong suit of his. So he dragged his grade up from a D+ to a C+ and he was pretty proud of that.

FF has a preferred spot in each and every one of his classrooms. In his Gen-Ed courses he sits in spots that the Professors don’t even notice and where there is almost always a gap between him and the next person. He arrives perfectly almost late every single day for every single class he can to achieve this feat.

For his Major classes he sits near the front with the few Foreign Language major friends that he has.

FF likes to be prepared. Studying was a nice way to prepare for the future. If he’s already read the entire textbook front to back and taken notes then a pop quiz can’t catch him off guard. He double, triple, and quadruple checks homework. He could probably recite the syllabus for any of his classes off the top of his head. He has read it so much to make sure he’s gotten everything and is on track.

FF kind of likes finals week.

For once, for one week, everyone is as anxious as him.

He sits next to Nicky patting his back as his friend sobs into a pillow. “I’m not going to graduate and it’s going to delay seeing Erik by an entire year!” Nicky yells as he brings his face out of the pillow.

“Nicky, you only got one flashcard wrong how about you shut the fuck up!” Aaron yells from his desk where he seems to have spontaneously developed ambidextrousness as he writes notes with both hands. “Fuck I am NEVER fitting all of this one one index card.” Aaron slams his face into the table.

“I don’t even need this degree.” Matt says looking down at a textbook that he has not turned a page on for the last hour. The fact that Matt had also not even opened that textbook before now was a bit of a cause for concern. “I’ve already got offers for professional teams. I can just play Exy. I do not need to pass a workplace psychology course.” Matt says.

“You think Dan wants an idiot?!” Nicky demands not wanting to go down alone.

“She thinks it’s cute that I’m stupid!” Matt exclaims.

“No she doesn’t!” Aaron points at him, “She said and I quote ‘I love it when you use that big ol sexy brain of yours.’ the last time you had her on speaker phone!” he uses a slightly more…effeminate voice when he impersonates Dan but FF had spoken with Dan and to his memory she did not sound like that.

“Fuck you’re right she deserves an all rounder!” Matt cries, head in his hands.

“Why do I even have to TAKE this Gen-Ed about history?” Nicky demands now holding onto FF as if he were a teddy bear.

“So that we’re well-rounded individuals with a wider perspective on-”

“Smithy, my sweet child, I was not looking for an answer.” he feels Nicky’s hand come up to his hair and maybe he’s being treated more like a favored pet?

“You’re having trouble with a Gen-Ed?!” Aaron asks turning around in his seat, “That’s embarrassing.” he turns his nose up.

“I’m having trouble with something that is going to be useless in my adult life.” Nicky says as if he were not currently an adult. “You are having issues with a class that will have huge ramifications on your future if you don’t manage to learn it!” Nicky points out.

“Eat my shorts Nicky.” Aaron hisses.

“Maybe I could study if you would wash your shorts Aaron. I can smell your laundry pile from over here!” Matt spits.

The fight devolved from there and FF slipped out of the dorm as Nicky was holding a chair over his head to seemingly throw at Matt for his ‘unreasonable number of sticky notes messing up the flow of Nicky’s studying’.

He heard a crash.

“It’s probably fine.” he says to himself and he has his index cards with the speech he has to give for and he really should go over to talk with Captain Neil.

He walks to Captain Neil, Andrew, and Kevin’s door and- “There faster-!”

FF walks away from Captain Neil, Andrew, and Kevin’s door, remembering only in this moment that Kevin had declared that he would be “Living in the library until this paper is done or I am.” to the team at the last practice of the year.

Captain Neil and Andrew were never the type to waste an empty dorm room.

He misses Pepto Bismol as he hears a particularly dirty line of Russian coming from his Captain’s dorm room.

***

Eventually Finals week is done and dusted with only 4-5 more blow-ups in his dorm room that result in Nicky, Aaron, and Matt stopping their fight to see if they accidentally had knocked him out with all of the thrown debris (only happened once when Aaron threw a textbook that Nicky ducked but he didn’t.)

FF came out of his final…final feeling pretty good all around. He had managed to get some extra tutoring time with Captain Neil after Kevin managed to finish his history paper a little early. Despite all of their fears and complaints Aaron, Nicky, and Matt all did manage to pass all of their finals and their classes.

The Tower was closing tomorrow for the rest of the year and despite checking almost every day with Nicky he still was invited to go to New York City with most of the team to stay at Allison’s house.

“Smithy, did you pack a swimsuit?” Nicky asks.

“Nicky, we’re going to New York for Christmas break. Do you think we’re going to swim?” Aaron asks incredulously.

“Two words, my fetus of a cousin: Hot. Tub.” Nicky holds his hand up and putting one finger up and then another. “Is hot tub two words?” Matt asks as he reaches for his own swim trunks.

“Yes Matt hot tub is two words.” FF says nodding.

“Thank you Smithster.” Matt says.

“I can’t believe you don’t know that hot tub is two words.” Aaron says with a huff.

“I can’t believe that you don’t know how to not be an asshole even after you started getting regular sex with Katelyn.” Matt returns, “Look at how not a thing that was when Smithster answered it.” he gestures to FF.

“You cannot compare Smithy to Aaron. Apples and Tomatoes.” Nicky dismisses.

“Whatever, so Allison got a hot tub at her place?” Aaron moves past the conversation.

“Aaron you just made fun of Matt for asking stupid questions.” Nicky says with a hand on his cheek.

“I fucking hate being part of your family.” Aaron says without any real heat.

“Yeah sure.” Nicky says, rolling his eyes and smiling as he saw Aaron packing swim trunks that FF knew he had bought for his cousin.

“Okay, I’ve got the packing list that Allison sent. Do we wanna run through it so that we’re all properly packed?” Matt says holding up his phone.

“Yeah, let’s run through it.” Nicky says with a sigh.

They went through Allison’s provided list twice and then zipped up their suitcases. Smith was going to be driving to the airport with Matt. Neil and Andrew were going to be driving the Maserati up alone while the rest of them were going to be flying up to New York City.

Now onto something that filled FF with far more dread than simply passing tests that determined whether or not he continued to get a free ride in college.

Meeting new people.

NEXT >>

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

[chlorinatedpopsicle]

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-023-02717-0

In an online survey of 1124 heterosexual British men using a modified CDC National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 71% of men experienced some form of sexual victimization by a woman at least once during their lifetime.

If men would like male sexual victimization to be taken more seriously, maybe they should start by not responding to news about instances of male sexual victimization with jokes and/or "he's so lucky!!" comments. I'm sure you already know what I'm talking about, but here's a small example:

I don't know about you, but I never see women making “I got raped by a priest” jokes, “don't drop the soap” jokes, or “fellas, how would you react if you found her? [picture of unconscious or dead woman]” jokes, etc. I only ever see men and boys doing that, strangely enough. Until men and boys stop doing that all the fucking time, I'm gonna find it hard to sympathize with their plight.

The study examines how men may feel discouraged from speaking out about instances of sexual victimization because – as a result of male socialization and male gender expectations – they are afraid of showing any emotional weakness / vulnerability; men may see any display of emotional distress as emasculating. This is true. However, one has to ask: who are the ones who perpetuate these male gender expectations in the first place? Who are the ones pushing these ideas of masculine stoicism; the idea that men mustn't show weakness? In case you've been living under a rock, liberal women have been encouraging men to show more emotional vulnerability for decades now. Liberal women push the “men's mental health matters!!! male SA victims are valid!!!” stuff harder than anyone, even MRAs. Just as men are the ones making the rape jokes, these masculine gender expectations are taught and upheld almost entirely by men. They created the stigma all on their own.

Anyway, let's address the elephant in the room: 71% is a big number! I have to wonder, though, how many of the reported sexual victimization incidents were rape, and how many were things like unwanted sexual comments, groping, and leering. Those things are definitely distressing and even psychologically damaging, but nobody should deny that they are not on the same level as sexual assault – something experienced by a staggeringly high number of women and girls. Anyway, here it is:

As I expected, forced penetration (what I would consider rape) doesn't make up a whole lot of that percentage. If you want, you can scroll through some of the tags on my blog to see how statistics for female SA victims differ. Well, probably. Tumblr's tagging system is finicky.

I'm sorry, but I'd rather focus my concern on the things that men are doing. Like mass-scale sex trafficking and prostitution. And violent pornography. And spycam terrorism / voyeuristic porn / deepfake porn. And forced child marriage and bride kidnapping. And barring girls from going to school. And female genital mutilation. And forcing women to wear head-coverings and then brutally assaulting and arresting them if they don't comply. And constant femicides. And "honor" killings. And incestuous rape and sexual abuse at horrifying rates. And brutal domestic violence. And every war in the history of humanity (and all the violence that war entails). And committing over 90% of violent crimes. And raping the female patients in their care. And raping babies and corpses and animals like it's nobody's business. And other quirky male activities. Thanks for the ask!

[1ovede1uxe]

jobros go to college!

I was working on a couple concepts for fics and came up with this idea, I'm also missing being at uni so... yeah .

Robert E.O. Speedwagon is 100% a business major. He probably has a minor in finance as well, or maybe a double major? He didn't make a fortune without the education on how to grow an empire or how to manage it. He's also probably in a major exclusive frat, something like alpha kappa psi (fraternity open to business students) or beta alpha psi (international honors society for finance students). Socially, he's a designated driver, and he's always got your back. If you're at a party, you can trust your drink with him.

Caesar Zeppeli would be an archaeology major with a minor in either a fine art or history. He's mature and knows he needs to major in something semi-practical, but doesn't want to leave behind the things he holds dear. perhaps im projecting. He's an overachiever, just does about everything he can, and he's popular. If he's studying in an English speaking country, he's taking part in Italian club. He's probably in some kind of social frat leadership position as well. Despite all these responsibilities and booming social life, he's on top of his grades, and is always on the dean's list. At parties, he's social and flirty per usual, but needs a few drinks to get going, in which he can be a bit grouchy or easy to rile up.

Kakyoin Noriaki is difficult for me to decide on, I can absolutely see him being something like a computer science major, as he loves video games and his smarts. But I could also see him being the other side of the coin, doing something like anthropology or cultural studies. I'm not going to lie, he has an ego about how smart he is. or at least he acts like it, overconfidence to overcompensate for insecurity, perhaps? He's in some kind of major exclusive fraternity or honors society for his major, granted reluctantly, but he knows he needs the connections. Do not be fooled by his somewhat nerdy appearance or profile, he's a hoot at parties, but don't expect him to go to one without at least a friend there.

Okuyasu Nijimura will switch his major every month up until his advisor stops him. Wherever he lands, he lands and he takes it and runs. Oh an he is absolutely in the marching band (more on that at a later date). Academically, he's at okay standing, not entirely because of lack of smarts but lack of turning in work regularly. Okuyasu isn't in any greek organizations however he hangs around people who are so much, he's at almost every event. He's a great time and the life of the party, with or without a couple drinks.

Pannacotta Fugo, is a double major 100%. Majoring in statistics and political science, plus a minor in psychology, and pre-law, this man is stacked. For the sake of this headcanon, lets pretend he entered college at a standard age. He absolutely took every AP/A Level he could and has his Associate's by his entry. He's in honors societies for both of his majors no doubt, and he's a tutor. Is he a good tutor? Yes and no, he has questionable methods, but has the best pass rate of any tutor, professor or student, in his whole university. You won't find him at any kind of party, and if you do oh boy is he not happy about it, but he'll still drive those close to him home.

Ermes Costello is going to be also somewhere in the field of law, due to her strong sense of justice. Perhaps criminal justice/criminology ironically. She’s on the track team, but you can still find her hanging out with friends from intramural sports (I'm getting soccer?) and maybe a cultural club. She's in a coed service frat, perhaps alpha phi omega. She's at a lot of parties and she hosts a lot too when she can, and she's got your back. You can trust her to hold your drink, and defend you from whatever dumb person won't leave you alone.

★ masterlist

[ryuichirou]

If the twst boys go to a regular, non magic college in our world, what do you think their majors would be?

This is an interesting question, Anon, and it was surprisingly difficult to come up with majors for some of them. I’m not sure some of the boys would even be interested in getting higher education, and also spoiler alert we have a lot of business people out there lol But I tried to make it as interesting as I could.

I’ll also note that it’s a bit difficult to speak about this in English, because I don’t know what certain majors are called and what kind of options there are, so I’m sorry if I name some of these incorrectly.  

Riddle – this one is easy, he would go to medschool! This is what his mother and father want for him after all. But he wanted to study law…

Ace – something that he isn’t very interested in, something that’s like “I guess that’d be a good major to build a career in the future”. He is the type that either drops out or pushes through despite being super disinterested in his major and kind of annoyed by the whole thing. Business? PR? Management? Something that sounds impressive but that’s about it.

Deuce – honestly I can’t see him as anything other than a police school student. He wants to get a good education, but if there is an opportunity for him to go straight to action and prove himself to be a better person, he’ll dive right into it. Maybe Ace will join him?..

Trey – culinary school is an easy answer, but Trey really seems to love this field, so he’d probably study to become a pastry chef. Well, he would become one either way, but Trey would probably try to learn as many traditional and innovative techniques as he can to actually improve.

Cater –  I’d say PR, he just has the vibes of a PR student. I’ve seen those lol Cater isn’t really passionate about it, but hey, it’s a good place to make connections. Also!! Maybe journalism. Yeah, that makes more sense.

Leona – Public Administration or anything Politics related. He would do better as a Philosophy/History major, but he would go with the default option for his family.

Ruggie – he would google best majors for a lucrative career lol So maybe some kind of Business/Management, but also anything Tech related is super lucrative, so he might at least try to apply there. But also also, nursing is apparently on the list of good major options in that sense, so he might actually try that. To be a private nurse for some rich old fart seems like an easy deal for him.

Jack – I’m sorry, I can’t think of anything other than him being a skiing instructor, and I don’t think one needs to have a major for that career path… is there some crucial part of Jack lore that I’m missing?

Azul – oh, Business/Marketing. Specifically something related to owning and running a restaurant or a hotel. But at the same time he could also study Law and even go to the Culinary school… Azul is absolutely going to take all the extra courses that he possibly can.

Jade and Floyd – probably Business as well, both because they could hang out with Azul and because their pops actually wanted them to study there. But if they had full freedom to pick whatever major they want, Jade would probably either study Botany or Pharma. And Floyd would pick his major randomly, because he’d be equally good/bad at anything he picks, and he’d get bored by it in a week anyway lol

Kalim – also Business??? Since his family is a merchant family, there are a lot of things Kalim needs to learn. But he would rather study something that’s more easy and fun… something related to art!

Jamil – realistically, either Business or PR. But that’s too many business PR people woah, so ehhh I guess… you know what? Psychology. I can’t even explain this one, but Jamil would absolutely benefit from studying it + I think it would actually be interesting for him.

Vil – acting/film/theatre school sounds like a given, but I feel like Vil would avoid those for some reason (and if you asked him, he would give you a rant about his reasons); so instead it’s going to be either a Fashion major or anything Chemical Engineering/Pharma related. He wants to get better at his craft, but he also wants to learn new things.

Rook – this guy is full of surprises, he could go anywhere and succeed, he’s perfect in arts and in science. I feel like he would pick science though, so any kind of Science major, maybe also Chemical Engineering. But also? A part of me wants to make him a Sociologist because he is hella nosy like all the sociologists are (me included).

Epel – this one puzzles me… if you think about it logically, he might pick something that could be useful for his family, but then we’re entering the Business territory again and it’s way too crowded lol  Plus, I don’t think Epel would go for that one. I actually… have no idea?? Wow this is embarrassing… He’d go for something totally masculine though, like being a carpenter, but for some reason would end up in stuff like fashion without realising how hard it actually is lol 

Idia and Ortho – easy, IT or any other tech-related major. But they would also probably be too good for school, because Idia is a genius and Ortho learned from him (if he isn’t a robot in this universe…). That being said, Idia would probably finish a 6 years course in like half a year and get his degree almost instantly, and Ortho could drop out at some point and switch to the Film major instead. 

Lilia – my first thought is that “he wouldn’t go to school”, but actually? He could spend a couple of years studying anthropology, I feel like it would be a fascinating field to him, and not as upsetting as history.

Silver – whatever father picks for him. But also probably nursing and no it’s not related to the previous reply that we’ve just posted 😭 I just think Silver would be legitimately good at it.

Sebek – this one goes straight to the military school lol But if I have to pick a major for him, let’s go with Communications just because he has to learn some, please Sebek!

Malleus – I think he would either study fine arts/history of art or something vague like philosophy or any type of social studies. He is better at grasping concepts than understanding other human beings, so it might actually be interesting to him. Or he could go the history of art major route and just stare at gargoyles for 4-6 years.

[sock-loves-you]

Van Der Linde gang high school teachers headcanons

Dutch: principal leader of the gang, leader of the school

Hosea: theatre it's mentioned in-game that he was in plays, so it would make sense for him to kind of go back to his roots and be a theatre teacher

Abigail: English I think she would be so excited that Jack taught her to read that she would want to teach it

Strauss: economics given his job in-game, I think it would make sense for him to study economics and teach it

Sadie: shop class she mentioned in-game that she and her husband shared all the work, so it makes sense that she would have a more kind of hands-on job I guess ????

John: agriculture he genuinely seems pretty passionate about ranching, I think he would be a good ag teacher :>

Pearson:culinary cook of the gang, cook of the school

Lenny: french he just seems like the kind of guy that would know french

Javier: Spanish he speaks Spanish... so... he would probably make a joke about how his last name is pretty close to the word for school...

Grimshaw: health I think she was the closest thing to a doctor that they had, I can definitely see her as being a nurse or something too

Charles: PE he's just a big guy... he can probably teach students how to work out certain muscles and stuff

Arthur: art he has nice little drawings :>

Mary-Beth: home ec I think it would be a nice, calm class for her to teach

Micah: JROTC assholeism be damned, my boy can work a gun. and be like- really stern and disciplined. and would actually probably be a really good JROTC instructor...

Williamson: history honestly ? i think with his military experience, I think he would pick up an interest in history

Swanson: like a religious history class you know what kind of class I mean, I just don't know what kind religious classes exist

Trelawny: science I think science and magic are pretty similar

Tilly: math idk, she just gives off math vibes

uncle: lunch staff/janitor I just cant see him as anything else tbh

Karen: lunch staff she kind of gives off the vibe of lunch staff

Sean: bus driver/lunch staff it would probably be a cute way for sean and Karen to meet, and he doesn't really give off the vibe of being a teacher

Kieran: psychology idk where to really put him, but maybe psychology would be good because I can definitely see him trying to kind of use phycology tricks to stay safe, idk

I think when jack is older he would teach creative writing because he likes writing, and in my headcanon, its cannon that he wrote the red dead book

[burritowitch]

Lonnie's 'in case of my death' note from shadow of the bat #41 which according to @lesbiananitafite reads a hell of a lot like a suicide note because he is Not Normal, written out below because it is so hard to read as is:

It looks like tonight must have been that night. I know I've caused you a lot of pain and grief over the past couple of years, and I'm sorry for that. You thought you were bringing me up to be the All-American boy, playing ball on the weekends, studying hard to be a doctor or lawyer. Instead you got a criminal. My memory is tainted, my good intentions derided. And, probably, I'm dead.

How to begin to explain how I feel? The world is like an alien planet to me, the brittle laughter and hollow fun of a theme park overlaying the nightmares of war and discrimination and brutality. The people society respects-- the great and the good-- are, in most part, the small and the evil to me. It's as if I see with laser eyes, burning away the surface illusions that hide the fact that we're zombies-- puppets controlled by somebody else. Again I'm sorry, because I know you're upset. You're good people-- nearly everybody is good people-- and that's what the elite take advantage of. But society is changing. The information revolution allows every man to see the great and good are no better than him. The old power structures and their fascist ways cannot compete with the anarchy of tomorrow's technology. The time of the common man is coming. No longer will he have to march to battle as fodder for bankers and arms makers. No longer will he live in a fog of deceit stoked up by politicians' lies. The future is freedom... and all I ever wanted was to hasten its birth.

I think it all began with Xuasus. I was eleven when he became my penpal... Every month I wrote to tell him the wonders of America-- Every month he wrote back with tales of hovels and soldiers and the brutal repression that made up his life. After a year, his letters suddenly stopped. Mine were returned "Not Known." Another year passed before I found out why he Xuasus wrote once more, a single sheet scribbled in some seedy back alley. His father had been arrested and not heard from since. His mother took ill. His sister died of malnourishment. At the age of 11, Xuasus was fending for himself on the streets. Remember I asked you to help me find him, Dad? You said it was another country, the rules were different there. We could do nothing. But I couldn't just forget a friend like that. I started to haunt the library. I found out Xuasus' country was a dictatorship, at war with Marxist guerillas, with ordinary people caught in the crossfire. I found out the guns came from Europe, and Russia... and here. A few men made big profits, while half a world away, poor people suffered. I read about war and the history of war, and the psychology of war, and the horrors of war. You never knew it but--

That's when I went through those months of nightmares. Remember? Anyway, I soon realized something-- almost all wars were caused by only one man, or one small group of men. And every time the elites ordered 'Fight!' it was the ordinary men who became canon fodder-- and ordinary families followed him into oblivion.

I learned that the state is more important than the individual. I learned that politics is soaked in blood. But I couldn't accept that it had to be that way. Remember how crazy I was about books, Dad? I used to make you take me to the bookstore every Saturday. Flying saucers, cults, conspiracy theory, religion, the occult... I drank it up, tried in vain to make sense of it all. Then I discovered Scudder Klyce's "Universe" and the jigsaw finally fell into place.

Scudder Klyce worked out the secret of humanity. Vox populi, Vox Del. The voice of the people is the voice of God. The elites are parasites, vampires sucking on the life-blood of man, turning everything good and decent into foul corruption! That's when Anarky was born. I couldn't help Xuasus-- but I could give the people of Gotham a voice, no matter how small, against the forces that oppress them.

--If I am dead, please don't think ill of me. I only wanted to bring a little sanity into an insane world for a little while, I was something no one else had ever been... the voice of the people. One day-- and it won't be long-- the tyrants will die away, scorned and mocked by their former victims. One day you'll see that I'm right; maybe then you'll be proud to say "My son did that."

All my love, Anarky (alias Lonnie Machin)

[your-subby-creature]

Intro Post:

Hi! I finally remembered to make one of these, let me know if I missed anything :^)

Last updated: 09/02/24

——————————————————————

Basics

Names: Creature or Hal/Halogen

Age: 20

Pronouns: he/it/pet/they

Gender: Genderqueer Trans Man

Interested in: anyone of any gender, especially other queer and trans people <3

Relationship status: Relationship Anarchist, single

Role: Submissive Verse (leaning bottom)

DNI: Minors, Pedos (MAPS/NOMAPS/PEARS),bestiality/zeta, bigots of any kind or those who fetishize them, ED / weight blogs, self-harm (SH) blogs, no age in bio/pinned, anyone who doesn't believe that consent is always and forever the highest priority

Non-kinky interests: queer & trans community and history, art, crochet, baking, podcasts, nonfiction books, disability and neurodiversity, paganism, psychology, language/linguistics, history (I'll love you forever and also never shut up if you ask me about my research <3)

What I look like: Since I don't post or send pictures I should probably describe myself. I'm a white 5'0" (152.4 cm) fat and invisibly disabled guy. I'm entirely hairless due to an autoimmune condition (alopecia!), have grey eyes, and wear glasses.

DMs: Open

Asks: Open

Taken Emoji Anons: 🐑, 🍯🐾, ☆, ✨️,🎀, 🦴, 🐺🦊🐶, 🦊🕳, 📸

Tags: #Creature originals (original posts), #Creature responds (asks) #Creature scenes (based on scenes in dms or requested) #Creature rambles (misc thoughts), #Creature Studies (academia), #Creature polls (polls) #Creature denial (denial challenges) #puppy playtime saga continues (exactly what it sounds like)

——————————————————————

Kinks

Favorites: cnc, obedience, (cock)worship, control, praise, (loving) degradation, humiliation, objectification, hypnosis, free use, training, pet names, pain, impact, bruising/marking, cockwarming, discipline, sexual torture, ownership, oral fixation, dehumanization, boywife, petplay, orgasm control, body writing, domesticity, cages, corruption, experimentation/scientist kink, anal,

Soft limits: blood, detrans/misgendering, light choking or breathplay, heavy piss, light burning, kidnapping, rimming, needles, bratting, wet and messy, lactation, vomit, primal chasing, spitting in my mouth, heartbeat/cardiophilia

Hard limits: Raceplay, scat, abdl, bestiality/zeta, snuff/gore, pregnancy / birthing, sissification/feminization, hard breathplay, drowning, real incest, feederism, guns, fat fetishism, bald fetishism, SH fetishism, ED fetishism, farts/eprocto, abandonment, fuckpig, sub/sub competition, prolapse, ocular trauma

Presume anything not listed above is something I am neutral to / okay with. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!

My body: I am on T but have not had any surgery. Acceptable terms include chest, tits, slit, cunt, pussy, hole, (t)cock, (t)dick, and ___parts (e.g. puppy parts or needy parts, etc.)

Terms: I love masculine, neutral, or objectifying terms! Anything that is not explicitly feminizing (eg good girl, princess) is fine; whore, slut, cunt, and bitch are alright. Do not call me slurs without asking. Never use the words annoying, worthless, useless, or pig(gy) in reference to me.

Safewords: For scenes and role-playing I tend to use the stoplight system (green/yellow/red), but if asked for a unique personal safeword, I use "Fluoride"

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Interacting

Pictures / Videos: DO NOT ASK ME FOR PICTURES OR VIDEOS. Presume that I will NEVER send them unless I initiate and explicitly ask your consent to send them. However, feel free to send me any pictures or videos of yourself or of things you find hot (as long as it's all legal and consensual and doesn't violate my limits.)

Audios: I MIGHT send audios with your consent during role-play through a Vocaroo link that I will delete once the scene ends. This is subject to my own judgement, but you are always welcome to ask. You are free to send any (legal, consensual, limit-abiding) audio whenever you'd like.

Calls: Presume that I WILL NOT call you (yes, even on platforms where I don't have to give out my number) unless I initiate and explicitly ask. This is due to privacy concerns and is non-negotiable.

Asks: Asks are open and I love them! I'll always try to answer them, unless they directly violate one of my limits or ask me to doxx myself in some way.

Messages: Anyone is free to message me! I will always try to respond unless it goes against one of my limits, and I reserve the right to stop messaging at any time. Feel free to role-play, scene with me, etc. You get one strike on misgendering me in messages (e.g. "good girl") before the scene immediately stops and you most likely get blocked.

Role-play, flirting, or scenes: Within the confines of my limits and the understanding that either of us can stop or revoke consent at ANY TIME, feel free to role-play, flirt, or scene with me. Please note: I am autistic and have a tendency to unmask during scenes where I'm being given orders to enact IRL. For me this means following certain patterns of typing, taking instructions literally, and requiring clear directions.

Meet-ups: I WILL NOT meet up with you. Non-negotiable.

[starshower1215]

Levihan High School HCs: IB Program Edition

(Mainly for me. A select number will understand... warning: prone to edits)

Code:

IA - Internal Assessment

HL - Higher Level (2 year course)

SL - Standard Level (1 year course)

EE - Extended Essay

CAS Hours - Basically volunteer hours

Levi hates touching banisters and handrails on staircases, so he hangs off of Hange's arm.

Hange takes HL Biology and HL Chemistry. They keep track of HL Physics and HL Math material, though, out of pure intrigue. They probably had engineering courses, too.

Levi is in HL Psychology and HL History. He just wants to get his diploma and leave. Or maybe Math HL, he seems like he'd be inexplicably good with numbers.

Hange is in robotics and, surprisingly to most, is in track and field with Levi. Hange does long distance, though. Levi meets for long distance practices as well as practice for sprinters but usually is a sprinter during track meets.

In this universe, Levi is still broke (damn), but he takes the road of education as opposed to crime in order to find himself opportunity. He's hoping to get into colleges this way.

Levi and Hange join humanitarian clubs together, like Red Cross and UNICEF. They love getting CAS hours together.

Hange studies German and Levi studies... also German, maybe?

Hange is a natural at public speaking. Their speeches and presentations are always incredibly well thought out and articulated beautifully.

Levi did a Math IA on tea and the ideal time it would take him to cool the tea for optimal temperature, considering the average time it takes him to finish a cup of tea so that it stays hot for as long as he needs.

Hange checks out textbooks from the school library for fun, often Gen. Ed. books.

They take a lot of AP classes, too, and encourage Levi to do so as well. Hange is going for an IB diploma as well as an AP diploma.

To maximize success, Hange ate, slept, swam and lived in German. They thought in German as they were doing all their studies for other classes, so they gained a lot of extra knowledge. Thus, in the Individual Oral Presentation, Hange talked their professor's ear off about some obscure topic they fell down a rabbit hole for after doing a school assignment in German. They probably scored a 6 or 7.

Hange's global presentation was about life below water. Levi's was about something related to poverty conditions.

After school and extracurricular activities, they like to study together on a call. They'll both be awake at the most odd hour in the morning, half delusional while working on their EEs or studying for exams.

They are each other's alarm clocks. If one wakes up before the other, they'll give the other a phone call to wake them. Usually Levi does the waking, since he sets an alarm regularly, but occasionally Hange will wake Levi.

Due to stuff like this, both of them are constantly seen charging their phones at school.

[jeannereames]

Is it truly possible to ever make a psychological character study movie of Alexander?

The Problem with Alexander the Great in Media

Oliver Stone tried. His "Alexander" was intended to be just that: a psychological biopic. Unfortunately, it was, narratively, a mess. Why, I tackled in a review elsewhere.

As for making a new one, the biggest hurdle would be that nothing anyone did would please a large enough group of people.

Why? There's a huge amount of disagreement about what Alexander was actually like.

That is, ironically, what made me want to write about him. 🤣 The first two biographies I read painted vastly different pictures. I thought, Who was this guy?

So whatever tack one took, people would be angry over the result. That's just the nature of Alexander.

I've experienced a bit of that with my own novel (which is more psychological than adventure), and it's only a little boutique-press publication without anywhere near the 👀 a movie or TV show would get.

Then we have the problem of scale. Stone's flick took a ton of money. I mean a ton. $155 million...in early 2000. It made only $165 million, which makes it a financial failure even though the costuming and sets were better than most documentaries. So how does one get funding to make something that sprawling, when one knows it'll probably piss off around half the audience simply by the necessary choices one would have to make?

For instance: Was he a mama's boy with a bad dye-job (as Stone's Alexander was characterized by one film reviewer)? Or was he a macho-man soldier with No Fear? Or a genocidal megalomaniac? Or an early proponent of One World ideals? Or a queer icon with a chivalrous streak towards women?

Pick one, and you'll annoy at least one sizable contingent of potential viewers.

That doesn't count the history purists who expect a film or documentary to include Every Little Detail (which really would flop!).

You just can't win.

I think if one were to try to do (another) biopic about ATG, it would be smart to lean into whatever storyline one chose, and know it's going to upset some viewers.

(Like Netflix's choice to have Alexander and Hephaistion kiss in the first scene of the miniseries, or to make Statiera his lover [as she probably actually was] ... as opposed to the fairly milquetoast History Channel's "Ancient Empires: Alexander." Oh, I betcha already forgot that came out only about 4 months before the Netflix one. It made no real statement, so won no real attention.)

Own it...or don't do it.

[braceletofteeth]

15 people, 15 questions

I was tagged by @scarefox ❤

1) Are you named after anyone?

They just thought the name was pretty, I think.

2) When was the last time you cried?

Today :) I've been doing it a lot lately, but only a little at a time. Probably just need some rest.

3) Do you have kids?

For many years, I've been helping my grandmother raise my younger brother. I'm the one people call when there's an emergency, I'm the one who takes him to the doctor and tend to him when he's sick, I'm the one who notices when he needs something new, I'm the one who takes him shopping, I'm the one who attends school meetings, I'm the one who guides him through the government's bureaucracy, and I'm the one he talks to about his problems, as well as his prospects for the future. Sometimes, when grandma allows me in her kitchen or is unavailable, I'm even the one who feeds him.

So, by all means, yes, I do have a kid. And soon from now he won't be a kid anymore, but I know I'll always consider him my utmost responsibility in this world.

That's one of the reasons I don't want any more kids than I already have. Looking after the lives of two people (mine and his) is enough.

4) What sports do you play/have you played?

I was never a sportive person tbh.

5) Do you use sarcasm?

Yes (usually for a humorous effect).

6) What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their... apparent age? “That's a teenager.” “That's an elder.” It's one of the factors that help me predict/understand others' behaviors/expectations.

7) What's your eye color?

Dark brown.

8) Scary movies or happy endings?

That might come as a surprise, but I've never been much fond of scary movies 😅 Unless they are something like psychological horror, it's rare for me to actually get invested in them.

I like happy endings, but I'm ok with sad endings too. I just feel averse to open endings—especially when the story feels incomplete because of it.

9) Any talents?

Very good at elaborating questions that will lead people to talk more than me during a conversation (in a way that is enjoyable for them, of course!)

10) Where were you born?

North of Brazil. I lived in other places, but I'm back in my hometown now.

11) What are your hobbies?

Learning other languages

Baking cakes

Watching asian dramas and talking about it on tumblr dot com

Reading books and fanfics

Finding places where listening to music feels more intense than usual

Lazy walks along the river

12) Do you have any pets?

It's technically my cousin's, but we do have a pet in the house. It's a cat we call Relâmpago (it means Lightning). It sleeps at my doorstep during the day and we frequently eat together.

13) How tall are you?

168cm. Most women are shorter than me, but I still wish I was just a tiny bit taller 🤏

14) What was your favorite subject in school?

Story Time with real events (a.k.a History).

History teachers from public schools are very passionate about their field of study! They know exactly why we're forced to live on hard mode and go through so many injustices today. If they could, they would tell everyone about it, so we'd argue more, question more, and bend history in our favor for once. I loved my History teachers, loved learning about the people that came before us, and especially about how changeable everything is.

15) What is your dream job?

The idea of doing anything, and I mean anything, repetitively, for decades, non-stop, takes off the spark of any career path I have found compelling in the past. I don't want to do something I love in exchange for profit/out of obligation, because I know this won't work for me. I tried it before, and all it did was make me resent my hobby. So I don't mix the two concepts anymore. I literally do not dream of labor.

But I still need labor—at the very least, not to starve to death. So what I dream about, now, is a job that doesn't take too much of my time and energy, so I can dedicate them to enjoyable activities and to the people I love; so I can live a life that is not determined or owned by my job.

—

tagging: @softneomiro @somebodycallixii @srabaskerville @kdreader02

As usual, only if you'd like to 😊

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 33 - Solaris by Stanislaw Lem

This was the third work of really classic sci I read in June, and the second that’s probably more famous as the raw material for an adaptation than as a book in its own right. Though in fairness the Tarkovsky movie is as far as I’m aware a better adaptation of this than Shadows of Chernobyl is of Roadside Picnic. Anyway, all to say that I think I’m starting to get used to the sort of abruptness and lack of narration regarding the protagonist’s emotions that seem to have been common in sci fi from the 60s-70s.

Solaris takes places on an eponymous alien world, almost entirely covered in a vast and strange ocean-like body with only half a Europe’s worth of rocky islands scattered across its surface. The story follows Kriss, a scientist, as he arrives for a posting on the skeleton crew living in a station floating above the ocean and studying it. As he arrives, he learns that the only member of the crew he personally knew had died the day before, and that the only two residents are acting paranoid and erratic; this all starts making sense when something that seems to all appearances to be his dead ex-girlfriend appears and starts talking to him, and he learns that the other two have doppelgangers of their own bothering them. Things spiral from there.

So, I’m not sure if this is a cosmic horror story, exactly, but it’s not not one either. The overriding theme is the limits of human rationality and understanding, the total impossibility of what we’d recognize as communication with something truly alien, the feeling of smallness and insignificance in the face of vast and strange and awe-inspiring. The first chapter of the book includes an intellectual history of the Solarists, going over decades of study and all the discarded theories and failed experiments that have made the posting such a dead end as the bright lights of science moved on to more promising problems. The ocean is Other, beyond human comprehension, and even at the end of the book none of the characters have come any closer to determining whether the phantoms it conjured out of their memories is an attempt to reach out and communicate, an experiment to see how they react, a reward or punishment, a purely reflexive response by something that isn’t even really properly conscious, or something else entirely.

I honestly don’t rightly know just what sort of science fiction a Polish guy in 1961 might have been writing in conversation with, but from my perspective there were definitely a few passages that seemed to be taking shots at what most space opera treats as aliens. ‘We have no need of other worlds. We need mirrors.’ and all that. But again, that could very easily be me projecting – easy enough to read it as commenting on a dozen other things.

It was interesting that Rheya was the only doppelganger we ever meet – the story’s quite claustrophobic, and the other two scientists go quite out of their way to make sure Kriss absolutely never sees whose haunting them. Interesting, too, that Kriss is the only one whose actually got anything to be guilty about with regard to his – or, at least, according to Snow the other two were the subject of intrusive thoughts or unbecoming fantasies, whereas Rheya did in fact kill herself a couple days after the two have them had a particularly cruel argument and ugly breakup.

It’s not what the book was about, but I’m honestly kind of sad we didn’t get more insight into Rheya’s psychology? A simulacrum that knows she’s a simulacrum, created by by some unknowable agency for some purely instrumental purpose, not even in her own right but entirely to prod someone else with, unable to spend too long out of sight of him without some control mechanism sending her into a panic attack. There’s some real meat to dig into there, right? Just think of all the juicy existential angst.

My library’s copy of this is the old Kilmartin-Cox translation, which I’ve since regrettably learned is considered pretty rough and low-quality relative to the newer editions. Still, even given that, I kind of adored a decent amount of the prose in this? Or the descriptions of the alien environments, to be specific – the lengthy descriptions of the constructs thrown up by the ocean and how the appearance of the station shifted so dramatically with the rising and setting of each of the system’s two suns were just legitimately beautiful, and make me extremely eager to watch one of the movie adaptations when I can conscript some friends for it.