#he not only feels like telling el he loves her would be dishonest

[chirpsythismorning]

📝 💐 🛼 💔⏪️💭🧊🌄❤️‍🩹

You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’ by The Righteous Brothers

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[therainscene]

I’ve been rolling the Mike thinks Will is in love with El theory around in my head some more. I like it, but it’s not without its flaws.

One especially damning counter-argument a few folks have brought up is that Mike heard Will refer to himself as El’s brother at the police station:

Will’s line contrasts Jonathan’s earlier “I’m her brother... uh, step-brother...”, indicating that Will has fully embraced her as family where Jon doesn’t quite see her that way yet.

It’s a great point. The only justification I’ve seen for it is that Mike wasn’t put off from kissing El after he’d already implied he wanted to be her brother... but that doesn’t wash with me. Just because he had no idea how to reconcile his feelings with heteronormative expectations at 12 doesn’t mean he's still clueless at 15.

So let’s give him some credit and try a different angle: When we step outside of the Byers POV, Will’s line is actually quite ambiguous.

The unsympathetic receptionist refused to let them see El on the grounds they weren’t a parent or legal guardian, so Will jumped in with an argument he hoped would win her over: we’re her legal next of kin. He’s just saying whatever he thinks will grant them access to El -- there’s no reason it has to be reflective of his true feelings.

After all, it’s not as though Will “be gay do crime” Byers has any qualms about being dishonest with authorities when it suits him.

Mike was present for both of the above moments, so he definitely knows this about Will. And this is only one piece of evidence amongst many -- the rest of it is undeniably suggesting that Will’s in love with one half of Milevn:

Will’s been acting weird in a likes-someone way around El;

Will sulked at Rink-o-Mania over getting third-wheeled by Milevn and rarely took his eyes off El;

Will is always eager to talk about El and brings her up in conversations with Mike more than Mike does;

Will hinted that he was hiding an uncomfortable secret from Mike in the scrapyard heart-to-heart;

Will is the more trustworthy party in the “maybe it is for [someone he likes]”/“El commissioned it” painting lie conflict;

Will was on the verge of tears the whole time he was pushing Mike back into El’s arms in the van and the pizzeria.

It’s obvious to the audience what conclusion to draw here because we had the benefit of seeing it all through Will’s sad gay puppy eyes...

...But Mike is forced to assess the evidence through his own biased POV.

This kid has severe self-worth issues, which are tied up in his feelings for El, which are in turn tied up in heteronormativity. It’s also been hinted that he has depression -- messy room, slipping grades, parallels with Max -- an illness that’s notorious for twisting your thought processes into the most pessimistic directions possible.

So while Mike may very well suspect the truth, I’m not sure he’s in the right headspace to accept it. There’s a good chance he’s torn between the two interpretations:

Will likes El: Mike is forced to choose between making Will happy vs. holding on to the one thing that makes him feel like he has value. But he can tell that El doesn’t need him anymore, and he couldn’t live with himself if he hurt Will... after all, aren’t a straight boy’s feelings more important than some pathetic queer who’s lying to himself?

Will likes Mike: Mike gets to make Will happy and he gets to make himself happy. Letting go of El might be difficult, but he knows she’ll be fine without him, and Will has already proven that his unbridled love can help Mike see his inherent self-worth -- a much healthier approach than tying his self-worth up in being someone’s boyfriend.

The first interpretation reinforces Mike’s heteronormative beliefs and ensures he continues to feel worthless, whereas the second allows him to feel hope that things can get better.

Which interpretation would a depressed brain find more appealing? Or, more to the point, since Stranger Things tends to explore these struggles through metaphor--

--which interpretation would give Mr. Everyone-is-Just-Waiting-For-it-All-To-Be-Over an opportunity to break through Mike’s defenses?

[bookofmirth]

The main reason why I call bs on that argument, that it's Elucien Sjm had in mind when talking about the whole "mated but wrong for each other" is because it's so unlike Sjm to make them mates, only to have one reject it and both go they seperate ways without exploring first. Like... what would be the point? Just so El/riel could have an obstacle to go through? Because nothing else really stands in their way and honestly, elucien's mating bond would be a cheap obstacle. Elain isn't forbidden from anything, it's Elain who has the choice to decide and Rhys doesn't want Azriel to get in the way of that. If she'd were to reject it, Rhys would be on her side no matter what and provide protection. Lucien would accept the rejection anyway... so, we'd read a whole ahh book about characters playing hide and seek for nothing. Sjm would've paired Elucien for no nothing at all.

It would've been far more epic if Tamlin was Feyre's actual mate but she still chooses Rhys. 1. Based on how Tamlin reacted without a bond, imagine him having one? 2. Feylin already bonded, so to have her choose someone else over someone she has a bond with and was in love with would make sense and prove, that her love for Rhys is very strong. 3. Spring court vs Night court. Rhys can't do much without risking his people. There would be an actual blood duel. And the other courts might hold Rhys back for the simple reason that no one has any business to come between a mated pair, least of all a mating bond that includes a high lord and they just don't want a useless war.

Well, we already kinda have that story, just with Rhys being her mate. Just saying that it would worsen their situation if Tamlin was her actual mate.

Elain and Azriel literally isn't forbidden anything, no one gives a shit, including Sarah, which is why she hasn't given people who ship it anything since his chapter.

And what she gave there was a clear sign of "ummm, this is dark and awkward and feeling ashamed of being with someone probably isn't the way to go???" juxtaposed with Azriel feeling better and more lighthearted when thinking about Gwyn's smile. The woman wasn't even in the room and the thought of her made him smile.

People who don't admit the importance of that are being intellectually dishonest.

we'd read a whole ahh book about characters playing hide and seek for nothing.

Is THIS why Elain has barely been on the page? lol

You are so right about Feyre, Tamlin, and Rhys. If she really wanted to explore those questions in such a way that the answer always came down to making your decisions, what a perfect - and still super impactful - way to do that by making Feyre Tamlin's mate, and for her to still choose Rhys because she loves him. That would actually be such a good story, someone should write that fanfic. But that's just not the type of story sjm writes. She gives relationships a much cleaner path to endgame. And the Feyre/Tamlin/Rhys triangle really proves that to Sarah, the answer is both - freewill and fate. Love and a mating bond.

A while back, when the forbidden romance trope was a hot topic of conversation, I brought up that sjm doesn't tend to write external conflict for her couples, but internal. What I mean is that her couples don't get together right away because of their own trauma, the emotional journeys they need to go on, or how they relate/react to one another. She has never written a ship where the people can't be together because of a third party - another person, a political situation, another love interest, someone who is jealous, whatever. The closest I can think of is when Maeve was going to control Rowan and then he took the blood oath to Aelin - but they weren't romantic at the time. They weren't for another full book.

The fact that she has all of her mated couples be endgame and in love tells me that she thinks the answer is a bit of both - fate and what you make of it.

[deanismysavior]

Thinking thoughts about how Mike is a writer and not a talker. I mean he is a talker, but he doesn't think about what he says carefully when he's speaking. He's not good at expressing himself through speech, but the written word is supposed to be his thing. So when he writes his letters to El, addressing them all "From Mike," this is his deliberate choice, because writing is the mode of communication through which Mike is most honest.

So when Will confronts Mike about only calling him a few times and Mike has been writing to El, Mike tells him, "that's because El is my girlfriend, Will."

Because Mike only feels safe calling Will, because by calling Will, he doesn't have to stare at the blank page and address how he's really feeling. He can just say whatever in the moment and it won't matter. He can brush it off. He doesn't have to deal with what it means or how Will interprets it because it's a heat-of-the-moment thing. He doesn't have to face himself if he's not writing it out.

But, he also writes to El instead of calling El because he doesn't want to slip up and say something he doesn't mean, or have it be misinterpreted.

And it's not even that Mike is being dishonest, because I don't think he is, at least not knowingly. I think here he really may have thought he was in love with her, or tried to convince himself that this protective type of love was what romantic love felt like, but he realizes, somewhere along the way, that maybe that's not how he really feels, and now he's sitting with this truth, this wrongness that the words just didn't mean what he thought they did.

In fact, Mike is generally a really terrible liar.

That's established to us throughout the show. Mike doesn't like being dishonest, and usually he can't be, that is, when he's conscious of it. When he's not in denial about it.

He even promises to call El on his walkie talkie every day when she leaves for Lenora, but does he? We never see any mention of it. We don't seem to have any indication of El talking to Mike through their walkie talkies, or through the phone either. What they have is letters.

So if Mike isn't calling El, then this, too, is a deliberate choice. Mike doesn't want to be caught in a lie or to have to say something he doesn't mean. He can perform gestures (like the promise ring or the flowers) that imply what he's feeling is romantic, but he doesn't want to outright lie.

So Mike not being able to say it, that's one thing, because Mike is not always the clearest or most deliberate with his words, but not being able to write it is much more telling. Because for Mike, writing is the way he can express things more authentically, but it's also a careful and planned process.

He writes to El because he can give her all of the reassuring words in the world and mean them. He can curate exactly what it is he's saying or responding to. He can give just enough to maybe convince himself that this is good enough.

But he can't write to Will. He can't send Will letters. Because he could never lie to Will in writing. He can't send letters because then there would be proof, not only to Will, not only to El, but to himself that he feels differently about them. Because I can guarantee, if Mike Wheeler started writing Will Byers a letter, he would not be able to hold anything back.

Does this make sense? I think it does.

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

I don’t get why people are saying that Mike has trouble saying “I love you” to El because he’s afraid of losing her. I mean, in my experience if I’m scared to lose someone when saying “I love you” is because I think it won’t be reciprocated and that it could bring the other person to take distances from me. But that’s not the case, because Mike knows El wants him to say it and that it would be reciprocated. I don’t really get where it’s coming from? Am I missing something?

The only reason to fear saying "I love you" is if you think the other person will react badly to it, often because you don't think they feel the same.

Mike doesn't have that problem. El explicitly told him that this is the reason she is upset.

And he still couldn't do it. Instead, he got defensive, asking who told her he doesn't, as if he was afraid someone knew.

The most honest thing Mike did was tell El he cared so much about her. That's true. He does. However, he doesn't love her, at least not the way she wants him to. He's having trouble telling the difference, but, at least subconsciously, he knows it's true, and that's why he can't say it.

The people saying that his problem is that he's just afraid to say it are doing so because that's the outcome they want. There's no evidence to back that up. The entire relationship is phony, called out by Argyle as such. They both were very different people that first day, and not in a good way. Mike became cold, aloof, and attempted to be cool. El became selfish, dishonest, and demanding. They both ignore Will, treating him like he's not even there.

This relationship brings out the worst in both of them, because they're both forcing themselves to be people they're not. The entire reason El leaves is to become the superhero that Mike admires so much. She does learn that it's a fantasy, though. She's not going to be that person.

[beaulesbian]

I mean, i'm a Mike stan, but I know he was being anything but good to El. He is a walking red flag on that relationship.

I wouldn't say he was anything but good, he cares about her a lot, and that is obvious from his actions especially in s2 and s3. But it's obvious they both needed something else from that relationship - together like that it just didn't work (and that's on El too, as much as Mike made a lot of mistakes, she was the one to continue lying/being dishonest in her letters, which i think hit Mike hard.)

When they broke up in s3, it felt like he wanted her back just because he needed the title of El being his girlfriend. Hopper mentioned how they spent so much time together, and that seems to me almost like he needed her so he didn't have to question what exactly he felt (for her or for someone else..).

Slowly his actions and feelings felt more and more off, especially in s4 and their fight about the 'I love you'.

There's a lot of discussion about that part. I feel even if you're not used to hearing or saying it, when El told him he never says it, in typical situation he could confirm he indeed loves her.

But the way he couldn't say it, and then later agreeing with Will that sometimes it's hard to share something with people, even more so with close friends, because what if they don't like the truth. He nodded at this part, agreeing.

He was having a hard time telling El a truth.

Another point i've seen a lot of ppl thinking because of some possibly fake leaks, that he might say 'I love you' to her in vol.2, and i don't see how would that be a problem IF they make sure they both know its only platonic - if they talk and decide staying friends is just better for them, and then i feel it would be actually very much in character for him to say it. Because what he couldn't say was I love you in the romantic sense, what El expected to hear.

Overall, i just think there's much more nuance to his character, that we've seen over the past seasons play out, but it would make most sense if he's gay and figuring it all out. If he's not, then yeah, some of the stuff with him is just not written well, and i very much don't think that's true.

We as the audience can see their both sides, both of them did some mistakes, now we need to hope they will learn from it, and not fall back into what society expects from them, instead of what they really feel.

[gayofthefae]

Just rewatched the van scene in the mindset of Mike’s pov/Mike trying to decipher what Will is saying at here is a recap of my working perspective for him:

Will mentions playing D&D and Nintendo for the rest of their lives and he replies passively because there are other things on his mind that are more pressing, especially seeing as it’s a nice but silly, childish (self-deprecation not Will hate), unrealistic idea anyways. It would be nice, but that’s not realistic. What is realistic is El not needing him. So that’s what he goes back to thinking about - worrying about.

The painting gives a little insight into Will’s feelings and how much he still cares about him and the rest of the party - it affirms that he felt that even before they had the conversation about making up.

He believes that El commissioned the painting (if only because he thinks it would be a wishful thinking/stretch to consider that Will lied + Will lying to him is a bit silly in idea). He believes that Will speaking on her behalf is relaying things she said to him. He probably just got emotional because she’s his sister and he doesn’t like to think about her thinking of herself that way.

But then he starts using language like “it’s probably just because she’s scared of losing you” and “I think she’d rather just get it over with quick - like ripping off a band aid,” bringing himself in it. This language DOES indicate in a non- dishonest of contradictory fashion that based on Will’s own feelings of not wanting to lose Mike, he would assume that El’s are the same. These sentence are the only ones he says non-definitively, indicating the rest are relaying her words and those are inferences based on his own feelings. These lines that are from Will are also where Mike looks at Will’s lips the most. His wording indicates that unlike the previous “I know because she told me”, it’s “I know because I feel it too”.

- Coming right off of that is “So yeah, El needs you Mike. And she always will.” Saying that she needs him can be gathered from her words but “she always will” is, again, an inference based in Will’s own personal feelings of what is logical and indicates that he feels that it is logical for a person who currently needs Mike to always need and want him, also indicating that he feels this way. This statement (and speech) over all, communicates the idea “You are needed. By her. And I know that *because* I know how to identify a person who needs you, as one myself.”

Additionally, there is a lovingness just to the passion with which Will delivers a speech like this. The level of motivation and importance comforting Mike holds for Will is also very indicative of his love. The immediacy with which he jumped into action to comfort Mike makes Mike feel very loved in and of itself because to tell Mike that El loves him because Will wants him to feel better is a loving act in and of itself. - I would include the same concept in the fact that El may have commissioned the painting, but Will still painted it with love and care for months.

Mike looked over at Will because he heard a shaky breath or two before it went silent again for a few seconds that he briefly looked over and just saw Will turned to the window. It must have been the wind. Will is a very emotionally open person. Similar to how he doesn’t lie to Mike so this being a lie would be illogical, he doesn’t hide his emotions. So if he’s hiding, he must not be crying.

[bylerhomo]

It’s interesting that the reason Mike and El keep getting separated as star crossed lovers is because government forces keep getting in the way of it. First it was so that El doesn’t get recaptured by the government program at Hawkins Lab and get Mike in trouble with the government forces there either. Then Hopper who is the police force puts the fear of god into Mike to separate. Then it is the government relocation plan for the Byers and El. Then it’s the government program to get El her powers back that separates them.

I think the star crossed lover story here is a great parallel to how government forces we’re keeping same sex couples separated in the 1980’s especially during the AIDS crisis through their policy decisions and their active glorification of the straight nuclear family in the Reagan administration.

I think the only way to really resolve this star crossed lover storyline is Byler endgame. You can tell all the separation between El and Mike has put a toll on their relationship to the point where they barely communicate honestly to each other anymore.

Mike’s monologue feels like a desperate plea to avoid the inevitable that they just don’t work together. His fear about saying I love you makes sense when you see that he thinks their relationship will end inevitably. He knows the bandaid will come off eventually and when it does he is trying to reduce the pain.

Mike doesn’t want to expose his feelings only for them to be thrown away. This gives us insight into why he won’t tell Will how he feels about him because it would hurt more if he was rejected and he’d rather suffer in silence.

He is being dishonest about his feelings with El during that speech to keep ahold of that bandaid as long as he can.

[mrsbenedictbridgerton]

The truth about loving you

Polin Modern au

Part one

4.5k

*Here it is - finally -part one! I hope you enjoy! *

Loving Colin Bridgerton had been the joy and the heartache of her life. It was time for Penelope to move on. He was never going to notice her. He was never going to love her the way she loved him. Always travelling, always seeking something... Colin was back in the small town of Grosvenor. But something was different and he had a feeling, it was him.

Also on AO3

Prologue

Penelope Featherington was well aware that, generally, the idea of love at first sight was laughed at. In addition, the thought that a young woman who had just reached the age of sixteen should find the love of her life in such circumstances was preposterous to most people. Well, almost everyone, really.

But she had. Fallen in love that is. Deep, head over heels, irrevocably in love. With Colin Bridgerton, brother of her dearest friend Eloise. Tall, handsome, charming… kind. Yes, she knew within a few minutes of meeting him and of becoming mesmerised by his smiling eyes that he was kind. She knew that he loved his family to distraction, that he was decent, that he was caring and that he did not have one bad bone in his body. That whoever should be lucky enough to win his heart would be treasured and loved…

So, really, one could not blame her for the instant, fatal bolt of something that had left her painfully in love with a man who saw her, she shuddered to think, as almost another sister. And he already have plenty of those. Penelope, being somewhat shy (and certainly lacking in the kind of confidence that would have let her believe she had any chance of being seen in anything more than sororal terms) had hidden her infatuation behind smiles and blushing cheeks. She had told no one - not a single soul - and miraculously none had guessed. She daren’t divulge the deepest secret of her heart to anyone. It was her private treasure; every moment in his presence was a potent mixture of exquisite joy and painful torment. He was the sunshine of her life. 

And he was completely, utterly oblivious. He had been both the greatest pleasure and tragedy of her life. For twelve. Whole. Years.

Until one day, as she approached the age of 29 and began to have those philosophical internal conversations that one often has when reaching a significant age, she had a revelation. No more, she told herself, no more…

Something had to change. 

Part One

Twelve years, three months and two days of being in love with Colin Bridgerton

With a final few clicks, followed by a deep sigh, Penelope flicked the lid of her laptop closed and glanced at her watch. Six pm. That gave her exactly sixty minutes to prepare herself for the town Spring Gala - otherwise known as Lady Agatha Danbury’s annual party; held every April by the social leader of the small Oxfordshire town of Grosvenor, in which not a soul dared to miss either through fear of Lady Danbury’s interrogation at a later date or simply because it was the first post-Christmas social event, where the chill was finally fading from the air and the dark nights of December had been replaced by the tempting promise of the bright summer evenings to follow.

Penelope didn’t know if she had the energy to face the entire town, but go she would. Really, she should try and make the most of the evening. She would actually miss the predictability of life here. In Grosvenor, nothing of real substance ever changed. It was comforting, but it was a crutch. It was a life she had clung to to avoid making the hard decisions.

As she stood to leave her desk, her eyes fell upon a polaroid. It was a picture of Pen, her best friend Eloise and Eloise’s brother, Colin, taken at Christmas a few years ago, they all were wearing ridiculous jumpers and Colin was trying to stuff a whole mince pie in his mouth. A frown crossed her face. She grabbed the picture and tossed it into the first drawer of her desk, slamming it with a satisfying thud.

It’s time to grow up, Penelope, she told herself. 

It was time for a change.

/ 

After locking her door, Pen stashed her keys in her pocket and… nearly jumped out of her skin. Perched on the small brick wall surrounding her cottage was Eloise Bridgerton, her oldest friend, lit cigarette dangling from one hand and black leather jacket slung over her shoulder.

“Jesus, El, you scare me!” Her friend smirked and took a long drag of her cigarette. “And you know if your mother catches you smoking she will kill you.”

Eloise scoffed. “I’m 28 years old Pen. I think I’m pretty far past the age when my mother rules my life.” Pen gave her a pointed look as she put out the cigarette on the stone wall before slipping it back in the packet. “Okay, so she could make my life a misery. As you well know I smoke precisely three times a year: the Danbury party, the Smythe-Smith musical evening and Simon and Daphne’s Christmas Fete.”

Pen knew her thoughts on forced social occasions, they were very similar to her own. Forced socialisation was akin to mental torture to the middle Bridgerton sibling because, like Pen, she had little time for the more vapid members of town society, and sadly, they made up a high percentage of those one would meet on such occasions. Which was why, as ever, she was once again thankful for friendship with Eloise. They were as much alike as they were different but there was something intangible between them that transcended the ordinary. On a higher level, they just fit. Many a time they’d postulate over large glasses of wine about becoming eccentric spinsters one day, with a dozen cats each and a cozy little house that overlooked the sea. It was a comforting thought for someone like Pen, who usually avoided thoughts of the future.

Slipping her arm through her friend’s, Penelope pulled Eloise to stand and began to walk in the direction of the Danbury’s large, sprawling house.“And then why do you attend tonight?” Penelope teased, knowing fair well what the answer was.

“Danbury would have my head on a platter - and then my mother would serve it for dinner. You know how those two are!”

Indeed, Penelope was well aware of the friendship between two of the town’s grande dames, both forceful in their own way and both determined matchmakers. “I wonder who they are trying to set up this year?”

“Don’t look at me,” El spat with an incredulous look, “Mother let that go a long time ago.” “Hyacinth maybe?” 

“She’s far too busy with her graduate degree. She’s determined to get firsts across the board. She’s now onto her fourth language you know?” Pen did know El’s youngest sister had an uncanny knack with languages, it was unnerving really when noone else in her family spoke more than a smattering of bad French. She’d already also mastered Spanish and Mandarin - helped of course through the year she had spent travelling in China. Oh how Pen wanted to go to China… okay, perhaps not China, maybe she wasn’t that adventurous. But just anywhere other than here. “Pen?”

“Hmm?”

Eloise jabbed Pen softly with her elbow. “You like you are on another planet.”

“Just thinking,” she replied, not really being dishonest.

“Well I’m glad to see I am such scintillating company. I was actually trying to tell you I have news.”

Oh. News. Eloise had news? This was the moment Pen had been waiting for. She wanted El to know first, she hadn’t even told her mother yet...

Pausing, Penelope turned to face her friend and forced a smile. “Actually, I, too, have some news-”

Just then, a large pair of arms wrapped around Pen from behind, hugging tightly around her waist before lifting her and spinning her around. 

Oh God. She’d know those arms anywhere. She’d know that cologne. She’d just know it was… 

“Colin! Put me down!,” she screamed, wriggling from his grip, “I’m far too heavy!”

Feet landing back on the pavement, Penelope stumbled a second before spinning on her heel to face him.

“Nonsense, you are light as a feather Pen,” Colin replied, grinning as reached forward and pressed a loud kiss on her cheek - leaving the patch of skin his lips had touched tingling and a deep blush threatened to engulf her face. Thank god it was getting dark already.

“That was my news,” Eloise announced smugly, crossing her arms. “Brother three is back on British soil.”

Stunned was not quite the word to describe Penelope’s state of mind as she stared at Colin Bridgerton. Colin with his warm, wide smile and deep, dark eyes… eyes she had drowned in more times that she cared to count. His thick, brown hair had grown and now licked at the collar of his shirt. But otherwise, Colin had changed very little in the six months since she had last seen him - and indeed in the twelve years since they had met.

“Colin,” she began, still a little tongue tied from the brief kiss and, moreso, his entirely unexpected return, “But you were in Australia?” 

“I decided to come home.”

“Clearly,” she mumbled, her head whirl. He always had that effect on her. His mere presence sent her stomach into knots and her head into a whirl and thinking clearly was almost impossible. “How wonderful,” she added.

She was dizzy. She felt a headache coming on. Actually, she felt just a little sick. Why was he back? Why? He was supposed to be gone for another five months. She should really have guessed that this might happen, Colin’s plans were always flexible and his adventures were subject to whatever whim or passion he was currently in the midst of. Still, it was unlike him to return from a trip early. It would have made more sense for him to spend those extra months exploring some other little corner of the world( and giving her the time she needed). Time for Penelope to make all the changes to her life that her carefully made plans had necessitated. Time for her to finally get over him. Severing her childish adoration for this man was the only way of moving forward with her life and just as she was about to make the great leap into the unknown… there he was. Same old Colin. 

Damn, she was tired of loving him. Because the truth about loving Colin Bridgerton was that it was equal parts heaven and hell.

“Pen!” El shouted, breaking her reverie. “You phased out on me again.” Penelope gave a wan smile. “So what were you going to tell me before my idiot brother here interrupted us?”

“Oh,” she shrugged, “Nothing. Nothing at all.”                                                      

/

Lady Danbury, of course, had planned her event to perfection. A string quartet greeted visitors in the large, marble lined vestibule of Danbury Hall and uniformed wait staff meandered around the milling guests carrying shining silver platters of champagne and fancy-looking canapes. As the trio arrived, friends of Colin’s surrounded the siblings and welcomed their friend home. Colin had always been extremely popular. Between his good nature, sense of humour and ability to make whomsoever he conversed with feel important and noticed, he has managed to forge friendships with almost every inhabitant of Grosvenor. 

Seeing an exit, Penelope grabbed a flute of champagne from the first passing server and managed to sink down half of it in one swift gulp as she headed towards the large ornamental garden that was accessed from the house’s terrace. She needed a moment. She needed air. She needed to think.

He wasn’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be thousands of miles away. 

She really had convinced herself that she was growing out of her feelings from him. It was quite ridiculous. It had been over TWELVE years. She’d mooned over him all through her teens and twenties, both cursing and thanking her friendship with Eloise for placing them in such close conspiracy. Being close to him and watching him over the years had only deepened her feelings whilst simultaneously feeding a torturous sense of insecurity. It was a curse. Any man she met was instantly compared with Colin. Was he as kind as Colin? Was he as generous as Colin? Did he make her laugh like Colin did? Did she dream of sinking her hands into his hair the way she did with Colin? Would he kiss like Colin... The list was endless. 

Admittedly, the few fleeting relationships she had found herself in over the years had little longevity in them on their own merit. If a man showed an interest in her she was flattered - and flattery led her to trying to like them too. But no matter how much she tried, it was impossible to force attraction, or even friendship, and spending an evening with any of them was a close second to a glass of wine and a good book. So almost permanently single, she’d hidden her feelings under the guise of a bright demeanor and focused herself on building a career and becoming more than a woman driven by her emotions. Well, she had tried. 

Tried and failed miserably as proven by her visceral reaction to his presence that evening. Who was she kidding? The only way to finally free herself from this madness was to take herself out of the equation. Physically.

With a sigh, she downed the rest of her glass and left it on a little decorative iron table that edged the patio. There was little use in ruining the evening by letting herself sink into a mood. Tonight he was here and there was little she could do about it. 

/

Colin was home. Jetlagged, overtired and not-quite sure exactly what the time was, but he was back in Grosvenor with his luggage already deposited in his childhood room at Aubrey Hall. As expected, nothing of any note had changed in Grosvenor in the half a year he had spent travelling across Australia. It never did actually. Not during his tour of Europe, his kayak trip down the Amazon nor those six months spent trekking in India. There was something comforting about that. Home was always home. With very little change to have to acquaint oneself with when returning after a prolonged absence.

Except… Well… She looked different. Penelope did. No, that wasn’t right. Penelope was the same as always. Pen was always there when he came back: she was dependable, as much a part of home as his mother’s Sunday lunches or the broken clock at the town hall - and inevitably joined at the hip with his sister Eloise. But something was different this time.

When he’d seen her across the street, he’d stalked up to her as he often liked to, picking her up and spinning her around - it was an old trick that had started so long ago he’d forgotten exactly how or why. Yet this time he didn’t just feel the sense of enjoyment in making his friend laugh, as he picked her up he had immediately noticed the curve of her hips and the brush of her breasts against his arm. Startled, he had let go, only for her to turn to him with flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes and- well -it was different. He’d always known Penelope was a woman, but tonight for some reason, he knew.

While he had been awake for over 30 hours (thanks to a delightful assortment of caffeinated beverages), he could not blame the tightening in his gut and the moment of breathlessness he felt in that brief moment on sheer exhaustion. In fact, he’d felt a rush of adrenaline and a kick of excitement, as if he had just discovered something new. Something that no one else knew. It was… unsettling. But not exactly in a negative way.

Puzzled and curious, Colin made light work of greeting those old friends who didn’t yet know he had returned and then left Eloise to be grilled by their sister Daphne and her husband Simon about just when she planned on moving out of Aubrey Hall. He slipped away quietly. The simple solution to his confusion was to go and talk with Penelope as he normally would. Surely that would settle whatever had affected him so much. He needed to have a nice, normal conversation with her. It was understandable, he supposed, for friendships to be a little strange after such a time. It hadn’t happened before between them, but still...

It was in the garden that he found her. The evening was still light, the sun turning a hazy orange behind the springtime clouds. He’d left Australia as the summer was turning to autumn and here he was about to experience summer yet again. The idea made him smile. Summer was always his favourite time of year. It seemed filled with so much promise - the days were long, the weather fine and even the gloomiest of souls could not retain their negativity when faced with an English summer’s day.

“Pen,” he said as he approached where she stood at the edge of the ornamental gardens. In one hand, she had a full flute of champagne and in the other an impossibly sized canape. She seemed to be studying the canape and deciding how best to approach it’s consumption - not easy when it took the form of an oversized base of puffed pastry topped with a heavy dollop of cream cheese and an artful sprinkling of caviar (Colin had always appreciated good food). Her eyes met his and she smiled, perhaps a little self consciously.

“Colin, I thought you were enjoying a hero’s welcome.”

He smirked a little, “I should hardly think my travels are an accomplishment. Indeed, mother sees them as somewhat the opposite.” His mother was actually very supportive of her son’s desire to see more of the world, but she had mentioned many times how perhaps spending every penny he earned on the endeavour was not the best forward planning. A large part of him knew she was right. The transient lifestyle he had lived for so long was starting to wear on him if truth were told. Not that the urge to discover new places would ever leave him, but perhaps the way it manifested in his life needed to change. More to think on later, he supposed.  “Anyway, I’m reliably informed that my mother is planning a welcome home and belated birthday party very soon. My loyal fans can fawn over me then,” he teased

“Oh,” Penelope gasped, “Your birthday was last month - I didn’t exactly forget I just - well, with all the travelling I didn’t even know where to send you a card. Here,” she said pushing the canape in his direction, “A present. I’m sure you are starving.”

“Oh no no no,” he chuckled, pushing her hand back. “I could not possibly deny you the pleasure of… that.”

Penelope frowned as she glanced at the oversized canape. Really, Colin was being a little cruel. Even he, who had never been accused of being small of mouth, would struggle to eat that with some semblance of dignity. But Penelope’s pouting pink lips were perfectly proportioned for her petite heart shaped face, forming a flawless pout as she considered the clearly impossible challenge. Colin, for his part, was seriously contemplating the lush fullness of her bottom lip until Penelope let out a deep sigh, opening her mouth wide and pushing the entirety of it inside. Colin sucked in a quick breath. As she chewed a drizzle of cream spread across her lip and he watched, hypnotised, as her tongue slipped out and cleared it away. There was something startlingly erotic in the moment and he found himself transfixed. Their eyes met as her jaw worked, the silence between them somehow startlingly loud, even as the sound of the party increased behind them in the house. Not breaking the eye contact, Penelope took a long sip of her champagne. “Done,’ she murmured softly.

The edges of his lips curled as he reached forward and brushed a crumb of pastry from her petal soft cheek. “Was it enjoyable?” he asked quietly.

Wordlessly, she nodded. 

And, hell, he had enjoyed it too.

‘Well then, I’d say I’m rather jealous.” He was overcome with a sudden urge to kiss her. He wanted to step closer to her, wrap his hands around the devastating curve of her hips, press his body to hers so those lush breastswere flush against his chest and then he would taste those maddeningly erotic lips. The idea pulsed through him. She was staring. Her blue eyes widening. He reached for the glass in her hands, intending to set it down-

Buzzz. Buzzz. Buzzz.

The moment was broken by the vibrations of a mobile phone. It took Pen a few seconds to acknowledge it was hers, a confused look crossing her face until she fished the device from her jeans pocket.

“Pen? PEN? Where are you?” Eloise’s voice bellowed down the line.

“Eloise,” she mouthed to him, though he had no trouble hearing his sister, who was never known for her subtilty. “You need to get here. Daphne is PREGNANT!”

“Oh,” Pen smiled, looking back at him. “I think we should head back to the others.”

Wordlessly he nodded. His sister - for whom motherhood had always been so important - announcing her first pregnancy, was certainly something he wanted to be there for. “C’mon,” he whispered, holding out his arm, “Time to play proud big brother.”

Further exploration of his newfound fascination with Penelope Featherington’s lips would have to wait.

/

Hours later...

The world was silent when they reached her cottage. An intrepid white cat darted across the street as a gust of wind rustled the branches of the small oak tree that dominated the garden of Penelope’s cottage. Despite the light chill to the air, she was wearing a warm coat of alcohol, her cheeks glowing as they always did when she had drunk champagne. Pleasantly tipsy, she leaned into Colin, his warmth comforting against her side as she fumbled in her pocket for her key.

“Thank you,” she said quietly as she opened the half gate that breached the stone wall around her home “But you really didn’t have to walk me all the way home. I’m a big girl, you know.” There was a double meaning to her words; yes she wasn’t exactly young, but she also wasn’t exactly small in size - the phrase ‘curves in abundance’ could have been written just for her, she had thought on more than one occasion.

“It was my pleasure,” Colin replied, “It was a fine excuse to leave before the revels became too tiring- you know these things can go on until morning and I already feel like I could sleep for a year.” With that, he yawned and ran a hand through his hair. Pen watched those lightly tanned fingers come through the dark chestnut locks and swallowed down a sigh.

“Well,” she nodded, “I’d say that it’s time to say goodnight.” For a second, she fidgeted, her keys jangling on her finger. Impulsively, she reached out her hand and immediately felt ridiculously awkward. She and Colin did not shake hands. She didn’t shake hands with anyone. Ever. She cleared her throat and felt her cheeks deepen in colour. Oh god. After their strange moment in the garden, things had felt almost normal between them as they congratulated Daphne and Simon and then passed the rest of the evening hearing stories from Colin’s travels and bringing him up to date with the (somewhat limited) local gossip he had missed. And so when he had insisted on walking her home, she hadn’t been overly wary. Yet now… now they were alone on her quiet street and he was staring at her so oddly that she was actually finding it difficult to breathe-

“Good night,” he said softly, reaching down to bring her into a hug. It was a beautiful, warm embrace, her face almost nestling against his neck so that she could enjoy his musky, soft cologne. This was nice. This was safe. Friends hugged.

She made to pull away, but he only loosened his grip a small amount. Looking up he was so very close. His dark, velvet eyes fixed upon hers. “Pen…” he whispered, a look of concentration upon his face. She tried to wriggle gently free of his arms, his close inspection feeling uncomfortable and somehow searing.

And then he kissed her. Just like that.

His lips were against hers, his hands slipped up her back, his mouth suddenly urgent and wonderful and if Penelope could have imagined his kiss a thousand times she could not have imagined this. He pressed her back against the door, his tongue sweeping into her mouth with a satisfied groan. Her hands, which had been limp around his neck, surged into his thick locks, the satin strands feeling obscenely good between her fingers. He pushed his hips forward, anchoring her in place, his mouth tracing her jaw and then her neck, one hand racing down to cup her buttocks and squeeze just hard enough to make her gasp in surprise.

Colin Bridgerton was kissing her.

Colin was kissing her.

Colin.

Suddenly, she froze, pushing against his shoulders. “Are you drunk?” she panted.

“No,” he frowned, “Are you?”

“No,” she admitted, shaking her head. And, oh she was thankful that she would remember every moment of this...

Without her noticing, Colin had taken the key and opened the door behind her. Quickly,  they fell inside. Their arms instantly back around each other and the kiss resumed and it was intoxicating. It was magnetic. It was drugging… Penelope had never been kissed like this before. 

Colin was nibbling at her neck and pulling her shirt out from her jeans. She dug her fingers into the firm muscles of his shoulders and felt herself being swept away.

“Wait-”

He paused and looked up. 

Penelope took a step backwards. This had to stop. It was madness.  “I-I can’t do this right now. I-”

His face creased in confusion. “Pen?”

She began pushing her shirt back into her jeans. “I need to think. I need to sleep. I-” She sighed and pursed her lips. She couldn’t believe what was happening. She couldn’t believe what she was doing.

He responded with a small nod and a whispered, “Okay.” He reached back and placed his hand on the doorknob, before adding, “Later?’

And Penelope tried to smile.

Colin left, the door closing softly, followed by the clip of footsteps and the creak of her gate. Quickly, she locked the door and then stared at it.

And then Penelope Featherington started to cry.

Oh god, what the hell just happened?

To Be Continued...

[infiniteshawn]

Since We’re Alone | 3

a/n: 3.5k words. the calm before the storm. and a whole lot of fluff.

Andrew had hoped to have Phoebe on a flight to Los Angeles within twenty-four hours. This was not the case.

Ideally, Phoebe would have had her Handmaid’s Tale-induced epiphany and replied to Shawn with a simple “I’m in.” Instead, she agreed to continue thinking about it, and if all went well, there was a chance for a possible meeting.

Which she never intended on following through with.

“Yes, I know he’s hot, mom, but it’s just n-“

Phoebe sighed and chewed her lip, interrupted once again by her mother on the other end of the line. She felt as if her own self was the only one with actual morals, as everyone in her life insisted that she bite the bullet and take part in a completely dishonest and misleading attention-cry.

Her boss pointed out that he’s famous.

Her mother pointed out that he’s attractive.

Sophie pointed out that it would make for a fantastic article.

And Shawn himself was on television talking about it. Oh, my god, Phoebe thought to herself.

“I’ll call you back,” she muttered to her mother, unmuting her practically-Jurassic Sony Wega to tune into the interview.

“I’m just really happy right now,” he flashed those damn pearly whites, causing the interviewer to erupt in a giddy blush-fest. Phoebe scoffed.

“With the success of the album and tour coming up, everything seems to be coming together.”

Phoebe cursed herself for leaving the TV on. She forgot Entertainment Tonight—an even worse version of what she did for a living--existed.

“That’s great, Shawn,” the young woman grinned, uncrossing her legs to cross them again, “and I understand that love is in the air for you, too?” she asked, and Phoebe wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be a question or a statement. The world seemed to be in this unsure state of limbo about Shawn Mendes’ relationship status, and she felt relieved that she wasn’t completely subjected to this so soon. No one really knew what was going on. Not even Phoebe.

Shawn tossed his head back with a chuckle, “Caught the Grammys, eh? Yeah, my girlfriend’s great.”

Fuck. There goes that, Phoebe thought. He so easily admitted it. A public confession in full confidence was her biggest nightmare. Even though she’d barely scratched the surface, she knew she was in deep.

_________________________

What the fuck she messaged, still refusing Shawn’s offer to just text him. Giving him her number would give him complete access to her any time, and she didn’t need his management on her tail. She hadn’t agreed to anything.

Phoebe hoped she hadn’t worried Shawn with her DM, reminding herself that it was his team forcing him into this mess. As far as she knew, Shawn was pretty innocent.

Sorry she added, and then, ET interview caught me off guard

Shawn was already typing.

@shawnmendes: Can we talk about it?

Phoebe huffed. If she was being honest, she didn’t want to talk about it. But he’d seen the message, and the seconds were ticking, and Phoebe’s stomach dipped when she saw he was typing again.

@shawnmendes: Andrew says you live in Toronto?

Phoebe groaned. She’d read the message, she did live in Toronto, and there was no way she could lie because he was definitely going to find out anyway.

I can call you she sent, willing to surrender her ten digits of freedom in order to avoid what was to come. But Shawn was hot on her heels.

@shawnmendes: No, can’t talk about it over the phone

Phoebe wondered if this was more serious than people were leading on. Maybe his phone was tapped, monitored by the people in charge of him. The thought made her mouth dry.

And then an address popped up. An address that was two blocks away.

@shawnmendes: Red or white?

_________________________

Phoebe chewed her lip in the mirrored elevator, questioning if she was underdressed. An oversized long-sleeve shirt and bottoms that couldn’t be described as anything other than airport pants hung off of her. She looked down at her socked feet inside of her Birkenstocks—definitely underdressed, she concluded.

“10” lit up the LED display and the doors opened, and rather than being greeted by a carpeted beige hallway, the last man she’d locked lips with stood before her. With a massive grin on his face.

“So good to see you!” he smiled, pulling her in for a hug.

Phoebe blinked, regaining feeling in her arms and bringing them up to wrap around his firm torso. Before she could get much of a grip, Shawn was releasing her and walking down the long hallway.

“Thanks for agreeing to come over,” he spoke, looking over his shoulder, “I just figured,” he paused, looking forward again, “we probably shouldn’t be seen until,” another pause. Shawn cursed himself for talking too much, especially before whatever this was had been established.

“Don’t worry,” Phoebe interjected, slowing her short legs as Shawn twisted the doorknob, “I don’t want to be seen either.”

Shawn pushed the door open and motioned for Phoebe to go inside, where she stepped out of the way and waited for him to tell her what to do or where to go. Shawn took note of her manners.

Phoebe was hesitant to look around, feeling as if it wasn’t her space. Afraid to get too close but too curious to hold back, she obliged when Shawn poured her a glass of sauvignon blanc and began showing her around.

“I signed the lease when I was nineteen,” he spoke, pausing to sip his drink. She’d seen the kitchen, admiring the dark cabinets and chocolate marble countertops. It looked nothing like the late-80’s vibe her appliances radiated.

“And since then I’ve just kept renewing it,” he added, stopping where the tile transitioned to hardwood and the kitchen became the living room, “I always thought I’d buy it out, but, I don’t know,” he chewed his lip, twinkling the rightmost keys of the upright piano as he passed, “it’s just never been home. I’m twenty-three. Who knows where I’ll be in five years.”

“Surprised you’re still here at all,” Phoebe spoke, taken aback as Shawn looked down at her with a surprised expression.

“Are you crazy?” he giggled, “I love my job, but you wouldn’t catch me dead living in LA.”

Phoebe nodded. All signs were pointing her to the realization that Shawn didn’t want this either, and the whole thing was being orchestrated by the people managing him. He didn’t want to leave Toronto. Fuck, he hadn’t even looked like he wanted to be at the Grammys.

“And then through there’s just a spare bedroom—the other one’s back there,” he said, pointing back to the kitchen, “and then my room. Bathroom attached, just so you know.”

Phoebe nodded, swirling her wine around in its glass. Shawn had a beautiful home, but she was having a hard time understanding why she was in it. Her hair fell from behind her ear.

“I’m sorry, can we,” Shawn spoke nervously, almost in broken English. He was bouncing around on the balls of his feet, but not in an excited way, “Can we talk about this? Here,” he motioned back toward the living room, adjusting one of the cushions of his stark-white couch for Phoebe to have a seat.

“I know this must be so weird for you,” he started, finding her gaze. She took the opportunity to give him a one-over, too nervous to so obviously check him out before. He was in black jeans and a Henley. She once again felt underdressed. At least he’d forgotten socks.

“We’re already in this mess, though,” he continued, and her gaze fell to his lips, and then his chin, where she noticed that he had a bit of scruff that she’d never seen before, “it’s just, they’re really pushing me to do this,” he spoke lowly, as if he was worried someone would hear him. Phoebe half-expected him to look over his shoulder, “that was a really close call, at the Grammys, and if we just swept it under the rug, they feel like there would be a lot of loose ends.”

Phoebe nodded, still not having added to the conversation.

“Plus, you’ll get some time off work. This is probably good experience for your job. You might see the world or whatever. Who knows? It could be fun,” he grinned, and she smiled back. But it wasn’t convincing.

“Look,” Shawn spoke, voice low again, “my best friend got married last year. He’s got a kid on the way. I just feel like everyone’s, you know, living, and I’m at this standstill where I’m doing the same thing I was doing when I was seventeen,” Phoebe frowned. He avoided eye contact, “it would just be nice having someone around that’s,” he paused, “normal. Not so-LA-it-hurts.”

It broke her heart.

Phoebe sighed, and Shawn looked at her once again. His eyes looked sunken in. Dark circles accented the paleness of the rest of his face, “Okay, I’m in.”

Shawn’s lips parted as he wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly, “You’re in?”

“For now, yes,” she nodded, stretching her legs out in front of her and wiggling her socked toes, “on the terms that the contract is nice to me.”

Shawn grinned, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. The tone was still heavy.

“Play me something,” Phoebe blurted, and Shawn’s eyes widened in response.

“What?”

“Come on, Rockstar,” she grinned, figuring the glass of wine was reaching her brain, “I’m supposed to be dating you, but I’ve never heard you play?”

Shawn grinned and shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

Phoebe relaxed her shoulders and leaned a couple inches in his direction, “Please?”

Shawn sighed, but it wasn’t a disappointed one, “Alright.”

He placed his glass on the coffee table and stood from the sofa, retrieving an acoustic guitar from its stand in the corner of the living room, “Do you,” he paused in disbelief that she was making him do this, “have a preference?”

“I was actually a big fan of yours back in second year.”

“Really?” Shawn laughed with his eyebrows raised and a sly grin gracing his lips.

“Yeah,” she nodded, “SM-three days.”

“What’s your favourite?” Shawn asked with the excitement of a puppy.

Phoebe took a deep breath. She couldn’t believe she was admitting this, “Mutual, but it’s kind of upbeat, you can play something els-“ she spoke, but Shawn was smiling and already plucking the strings, and she knew she didn’t need to keep going because of how quickly he interrupted.

“I can do Mutual.”

_________________________

The next morning, Phoebe danced in her kitchen to the sounds of sizzling bacon and “Mutual” by Shawn Mendes.

For the very first time, she was excited about this.

“So you’re really gonna do it?” asked Sophie on their morning commute, navigating through the herds of Toronto-banker-sheep. People moved even more frantically in the winter months.

“No,” Phoebe answered, “I’m going to LA to scope it out. Then,” she emphasized, looking up a few inches to meet Sophie’s denying gaze, “I’ll decide.”

“That you’re gonna do it,” Sophie concluded flatly, sticking her hand out and motioning to an Uber that was driving far too fast.

“If I’m gonna do it,” Phoebe corrected.

They began crossing the street, Phoebe struggling to keep up with the swift movements of Sophie’s long legs.

“You won’t have any issues convincing Margaret,” Sophie sighed as they made a right, forcing Phoebe behind her for a few strides.

Phoebe wondered if what she was sensing was jealousy. She figured she’d worry about that later.

“As much as I wish it were me,” Sophie spoke, and then stopped abruptly upon reaching their building, “I think you should do it.”

Sophie smiled as she swung the door open for Phoebe, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

_________________________

It was a small plane. Andrew had been nice and placed her in business class—probably some sort of a bribe, Phoebe figured—but she wasn’t complaining. There was plenty of room for her not-very-long legs, and the drinks were complementary.

She sat on the aisle, although it didn’t make much difference because there was only one aisle and two seats on each side. The spot beside her remained vacated, and she was hoping to sneakily scoot over once the seatbelt lights went out and the plane was in the air.

Ten minutes to takeoff. Phoebe put her tattered copy of American Gods in her fraying Longchamp and closed her eyes, pressing “play” on a podcast she was sure she wasn’t going to pay attention to.

David Dobrik’s laugh was loud in her headphones when she felt a tap on her shoulder, causing her to quickly tug her earbuds out and clutch her bag a little tighter.

Of course.

The tree of limbs that was Shawn Mendes was stowing his backpack--with his sweatpants-clad thighs in front of her face.

“Make some room,” he spoke with a smile as Phoebe tucked her legs in, allowing him to crawl across her. She hadn’t been expecting this.

Her cheeks were red hot as Shawn made the most noise possible getting settled in, stopping abruptly to ask, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she breathed, “just didn’t know we were travelling together. I guess you’ve gotta get to LA too,” she gave a tired, tight-lipped smile.

Shawn looked a little discouraged.

“Sorry,” he paused, breathing in, “I guess I should’ve asked you if this was okay, I wasn’t think-“

“We could’ve carpooled,” Phoebe grinned, and Shawn looked as if she’d taken the weight of a train off his shoulders. Shawn smiled with a slight tilt of his head.

“So,” Phoebe spoke, “what are we watchin’?”

“What?”

“Five and a half hours, Mendes,” she replied, “that’s a whole lot of Pheebs.”

They both giggled and began looking for a movie, determined to press “play” at the same time.

_________________________

Phoebe looked around. The lights were out and they were halfway through some alien film that neither of them cared for but were both too polite to object. Her screen had been paused for a while, allowing her to observe the white interior of the aircraft as her mind ran wild.

Shawn’s movie was a few minutes ahead, but he seemed to have caught on because his headphones were out and his right cheek was pressed against the headrest.

“What’s up,” he spoke, and it wasn’t really a question. The awkwardness of not knowing each other unfortunately called on small talk to fill silences.

Phoebe tugged the plastic from her ears, though nothing had been playing. She released a little laugh and spoke, “What am I doing?”

Shawn sighed and straightened his back a little, but kept his head tilted in her direction as he responded, “I don’t want to say anything because I don’t want to push you.”

Phoebe shook her head, “I did it to myself when I kissed you.”

Shawn turned a darker shade of pink and hoped she wouldn’t notice.

“Phoebe,” Shawn spoke, and she woke up a little. That was the first time she’d heard her name escape his lips. She liked it. “Come on, let’s start small. Tell me about yourself.”

“You want the whole life story?”

“No, I want to discover that stuff on my own. How about,” he paused, searching her dark blue eyes, “what’s your biggest weakness?”

Phoebe squinted a bit in his direction as she wondered if he was taking note of her weak spots for future reference.

But his curious chocolate eyes and boyish grin suggested otherwise.

“I think my greatest weakness is myself,” Phoebe started, “I expect too much because I expect everyone to think like me. I go above and beyond and they don’t, and I wind up disappointed. Every time.

“But it always results in my being used because I’d rather be taken advantage of than abandoned, I guess,” she admitted, and it was merely a whisper.

It didn’t stay so grim for long, though, because Shawn said something and then Phoebe said something, and they were both laughing louder than intended.

It took the gentleman behind them popping his head up and asking, “Do you mind?” to shut them up.

They laughed.

_________________________

Shawn must have drifted off at some point, because Phoebe noticed he was lightly snoring with his head resting between the seat and the wall of the plane.

“Attention passengers,” the pilot came on the PA, “we will be landing in ten minutes. Thank you for flying with Air Canada.”

She smoothed her ponytail, sitting up with determination. Phoebe knew what she wanted. She just had to be stealth.

She leaned toward Shawn’s limp frame, right arm outstretched, trying her best not to disturb him but desperate to see LA illuminated in the pitch black.

Shawn snapped awake, catching Phoebe off guard.

She stumbled, redirecting her hand to his thigh to catch herself, landing with her face just inches from his own. Shawn gulped.

Her gaze fell to his lips.

“Hey there,” they spoke.

“Sorry,” she apologized, pushing off his leg to get herself back into her seat, “I just really wanted to see out the window.”

“Oh!” Shawn quietly exclaimed, seemingly putting the pieces together. Effortlessly, he reached over and slid up the window cover.

It was gorgeous. Clusters of lights winked hello to Phoebe Rose for as far as she could see. If she squinted hard enough, she could just make out where they ended and the Pacific began.

“Don’t fly often?” Shawn asked, eyes on her as she admired her view.

“Rarely,” Phoebe spoke, and Shawn leaned back so she could get a better look. She instinctively responded, leaning forward.

But Shawn could feel her breath on his neck and her hand on his knee and he wasn’t sure if all of this was a blessing or a curse.

He wanted to find out.

The seatbelt light came on. The wheels came out. The plane touched down.

Phoebe grabbed Shawn’s hand.

A few minutes later, Shawn crawled across their seats to retrieve his bag. Phoebe regretted bringing a luggage big enough to check because she didn’t want to be an inconvenience, but then she quickly remembered that without her, Shawn would likely be in deep shit right about now.

Coming back to reality, she watched as he reached above his head, causing his hoodie to ride up and bring his cotton t-shirt with it. He’d developed more fuzz below his belly button since she’d last seen him shirtless—in 2019, on a larger-than-life billboard in Yonge-Dundas Square.

She wanted to touch it.

Then, she wondered what was wrong with her.

And before she knew it, Shawn was pulling her out of her seat and off of the plane toward baggage claim.

“Flight AC753” flashed on the screen above the metal conveyor belt, and Phoebe switched out of Airplane Mode as bags began emerging.

She watched the cell phone provider texts roll in before switching off roaming, and Shawn had located her bag and pulled it from the contraption before she could even tell him which one it was.

The platform for car pickup services looked busy, but before they could fully round the corner, Shawn came to a halt.

“You might want these,” he spoke, retrieving his black Ray Bans from his carry-on. Phoebe looked at him, confused, but listened as he talked, “out the doors is our Uber. I think it’s just a black Malibu. Ask if it’s for “Shawn” and he’ll let you in. I’ll be there in ten.”

Phoebe mentally questioned his methods but did what he said, and once she saw the crowd of fifty-some teenage girls with their iPhones out, she understood.

She had no idea what she had gotten herself into.

______________________________

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[lullabiesandgoodbyes]

Okay, you’d probably expect a dump of feelings regarding La Casa de Papel P4:

( here be spoilers, obviously )

It’s a fact that the writing of LCDP has never been brilliant. The heist was clever, but some scenes were far-fetched and the dialogue faltered many times. Still, I was mainly here for the characters: criminals, flawed people whose human side was revealed through the episodes, that was the reason why I got attached to the show.

I can’t help but to feel disappointed that they seemed to have lost perspective of them: the characters were turned into puppets for the sake of dRAmA!!1, became caricatures of what they used to be - this is already our 4th year with them, we know them, and please don’t call it character development when it’s so obviously just bad writing. They deserved better than this.

That being said:

- It’s not even the fact that Nairobi was killed; it’s the fact they’ve created and developed a strong female character, shot her for a cliffhanger at the end of P3, saved her at the beginning of P4, had both her body and mind tortured multiple times while still not fully recovered, and then simply put a bullet in her head by betrayal, with no honor nor glory. And for what, shock value?! Fuck you!!

- Since we’re talking about Nairobi: it’s not that she shouldn’t want to be a mother ( people claiming but she’s a feminist!! can shut the fuck up ), but she already was a mother, despite having no son for years, one that once got offended after being told that she should just have another baby to replace the one she had lost. Now, not only they gave me no closure regarding Axel and the way the Police used him to bring her down, but they also forced me to witness this marvellous woman emotionally manipulating a man that she knew to be in a committed relationship to have a baby with her and then partying with his partner ( her supposed friend ) without telling her the truth;

- The same can be pointed at Tokio, going ( again! ) after Denver, “ let’s fuck and pretend it never happened “ - they actually tried to tell us female friendships, yay!! and then have her sexually pining after her supposed friend’s husband, twice. Like, what are even women to each other if not rude bitches, right?

- Look, I don’t know what kind of wet dream these writers have about Tokio, but it’s time for them to actually acknowledge her faults, no? Nairobi would never consider her a good leader; the team would never accept her as a good leader; Tokio is simply not a good leader. Also, so much disgust at all the sexual innuendos between her and Gandía and the general idea that he only kept her alive because she turned him on...

- I was honestly laughing at the whole surgery scene; I gave it a pass when they helped Mónica with that infected wound back in P1 because..., but this was so ridiculous it was too much for me to bear. Tokio is becoming the Rachel Berry of LCDP and you have no idea how much it bothers me to write these actual words;

- She still had her moments, though. Not enough for me to love her, but I will always defend Tokio from a fandom who hates on her at the same time that idolatrizes Berlín, for fuck’s sake... -.-

- Raquel was one of the best characters this show had on P1-2. If Lisboa doesn’t grow a personality detached from El Profesor, I’ll be punching a wall, seriously, what did you reduce her to?

- But not everything was bad: Estocolmo is still MY GIRL!!!1 I’m still pissed they had to break up her marriage to give her some attention ( women are allowed to have partners and a life beyond them, in case you didn’t know ), but I generally liked her in P4 and how she’s slowly gaining her own place within the team. The whole discussion about seeing Denver in a new light was interesting ( I could write a whole essay about it ), but should have been better worded and developed, especially because this fandom is overall dumb and is already blaming it on her - but what else is new?

- I’m also only supporting this because I believe she’s dealing with her previous choices, and basically coming together after the initial Stockholm Syndrome, and will eventually get back together with Denver. If not, I’ll burn Netflix down;

- Also, being sad that Nairobi died, yes; coming after Estocolmo because she should have died instead, no, fuck you!! >:(

- Now, the major disappointment: thanks for throwing THREE years of development out of the window so Denver could chase Tokio’s ass, as if he ever felt for her half of the things he apparently did on P4, and thanks for nearly ruining my favorite character on this fuckery, starting with his rude commentaries about women ( he was in love with Mónica and still pushed her away because she wasn’t able to fully consent their relationship, but sure, let’s all agree that he sees women like cars because so funny!! Also, implying that he only ended up with Mónica because he couldn’t get Tokio, yes, that’s totally what happened, who the fuck wrote this shit...?? ) and ending on the toxic jealousy over his best friend being traumatized and finding his only comfort with his wife ( like, WTF was that even?! );

- Managing to regress Denver into someone he even wasn’t at the beginning of the show was probably worse than watching him die somewhere along the way, and, trust me, I hate to write this :’(((

- But thank you ( and this goes to Jaime Lorente, not the stupid writers ) for bringing him back on the last episodes. I guess this is what you get when writers don’t know how to properly do their jobs, but the writing has been a general mess since P3 so I’m choosing to still love him and want all good things for him. Including his wife back, because admitting his shit and trying to be better is still Denver’s redeeming quality, and I think she’s ready to accept that;

- I still think Ricardo is a better fit than Daniel :(((

- I admit that Manila was cool, but she still felt like a way for the show to gain some diversity points with a trans character that is not even played by a trans actress... Her conversation with Denver, although sweet, was vague and only complemented the initial feeling, since it could have lead him to reorganize his thoughts over male/female friendships ( as if P1-3!Denver ever needed that... ) and eventually served for nothing;

- That is, I’m choosing to believe they won’t make Denver/Manila happen on P5 because fuck them if they do...

- Also fuck everyone who’s coming after Río for being weak, and fuck whoever let the boy stay at the Bank after months of torture. The writing of his arc was just as bad as nearly everyone else’s ( perfectly able to shoot a missile in one day, incapable of holding a gun against Gandía on the other, wants everyone to kill him next... ) but his friendship with Estocolmo was worth it, loved them;

- He’s also a baby and he’s now Estocolmo and Denver’s new baby <333

- Last, but not least: I really didn’t like the way they turned Arturito into a major creep and confirmed rapist. This was a character we hated on principle, for being a headache and playing hero when he wasn’t more than an idiot, but this... What was even the point of this?

Some other random thoughts I have left:

- Helsinki: honestly, stop hurting him, please;

 - El Profesor: I can’t get myself to like his character, sorry I’m not sorry;

- Marsella: a good boy;

- Palermo: please die;

- Bogotá: not convinced, still don’t like him, can still die;

- Sierra: the best antagonist;

- Antoñanzas: the best sidekick;

- Moscú: I missed you, papa </3/3/3

- Berlín: * you’re not allowed in Heaven with the rest of them, go back to Hell, motherfucker *

- The Bank’s governor was cool, helping to save Nairobi, protecting Amanda and telling Arturito off :)))

- Hope Amanda gets her well-deserved revenge, let her cut Arturito’s dick when he’s asleep ( or awake, it doesn’t really matter );

- I missed Cincinnati and Miguel x_x

Also, the cast and crew saying P4 was a satisfying ending when it so obviously was a non-ending felt dishonest and I don’t like being played like that. Just assume you’re trying to milk the most out of it - and apparently losing grip of it all together.

So, yeah, I’ll be back for P5 because they left me hanging on, but the disappointment is real. I wish they had left it where it was supposed to end. :(((

[themescyra-blog]

Can you list ever reason why you love Supergirl??

I CAN TRY

1. I’m going to start off with one of the sappiest things and say: how much it’s helped me grow. The show has helped me meet and get closer to so many people and when Alex was realizing she was a lesbian, that was around the time I was coming to terms with my own sexuality and it helped. A lot. Maggie especially, because the character (not the actress unfortunately) is an LGBT+ PoC and so am I. Finding out she had a tough time coming out too made me feel less tense and panicked. Because the show gave me an example of how WLW can be happy, and I didn’t have anything else but non-canon gays to help me with that at the time, so it really shaped me and my idea of relationships in ways I can’t complain about.

2. You wouldn’t expect this, but even the whole Karamel thing helped. In short, it showed me what I DON’T want in a relationship with anyone of any gender from any country, continent, or planet. In length, it showed a contrasting difference in outcome of each relationship per episode. Every Karamel-centered episode ended with Kara or Mon-El totally dissatisfied, dishonest, or even angry in some way. Every Supercorp and/or Sanvers centric episode was whole and pure and open and just… gave me a fluffy feeling about everything. The finale for S1 was good, and joyful, and showed that Kara felt safe with her peers even though she ended up single. At the end of S2, she leaves her sister, her boss, her friends—everything she felt awesome about last finale, hmm—and she’s flying off, brooding about a guy who brought the goddamn apocalypse. But hey, at least S1 and S2 have something in common. She’s frowning about Mon-El either way. Except in S1, she stands with her family and maintains the love for everyone she knows which she’s built all fucking season! In S2, she’s alone! And clearly destroyed! And basically, it’s a perfect example of how a good relationship ending vs a toxic one ending. James Olsen, the good boyfriend AND good ex. Get you a man who can do both.

3. Just, I’ve never said this and gone really deep about it, but—Supercorp. Everything would be set up as golden endgame. But even if it isn’t romantic by the end of S3 (or the entire series), it’s still such a wholesome addition to the show. It’s still a great example of how supportive and uplifting and healing female friendships can be, and if it’s canon at any point, it’s equally great—it would be not the first, but the SECOND healthy and functioning WLW relationship on this show. There have been what, four, (maybe five if you count Clois which I won’t because we have literally no idea about Lois and Clark’s relationship which has only ever been compared to Karamel and we know how that goes) good and functioning relationships—Eliza and Jeremiah (rip that because Eliza is pretty much written off as The Mom idk how she’s doing upon finding out Jeremiah’s working to deport or destroy their own daughter but. for another time, friends), James and Kara, Jack and Lena, then Alex and Maggie. For another one of the main cast to be in an LGBT+ relationship would not only be good for the viewers and help a loooot of people with coming out to family and even themselves, but also good for the ratings. Supergirl is bi*! Imagine, it would skyrocket because I’m pretty sure she’d be !!one of!! the first female superheroes in an LGBT+ relationship. And that’s why I’m really unsure of why it ISN’T canon yet but. Okay, CW. Supercorp is just incredible, okay? I thought I lost Rilaya to Disney Channel but here they are, reborn, alive and healthy, and gayer than ever.

4. J'onn J'onzz’s entire arc fascinates me. Survivor’s guilt is captured so well and for J'onn, never truly goes away. I’m not sure if that’s to credit to David Harewood (the actor who plays J'onn if you didn’t know! he’s a gem, follow his Instagram!), or if he’s just written that way, but I like how it’s played out. It feels so real and so painful in the right ways and that seems to be a running theme in this show because—

5. —the next few down this list were going to be the well-rounded and long-lasting effects of events on all of the characters, like Lena with her mother and Lex (which has actually shaped the way my mother treats me IRL for the better so yooo), and Winn with his father (his one-liners fucking ruin me someone that isn’t Lyra please love him), and James with his entire ‘damsel in distress’ to 'sidekick dudebro’ experience with both Supers (which is also relatable?? and I like how it doesn’t leave him ruined??? he grows and shapes himself and that’s just????? so amazing to witness on television ??!!), Maggie with all her exes, Cat Grant with Adam and presumably Adam and Carter’s dads, M'gann with the guilt of her people’s doings (so the CW DOES know how to write that… interesting), it’s all so realistic and just, I like how they don’t just drop it as soon as the episode is over. It’s a running theme and it’s part of their character development and that’s something that I still firmly believe is done better in The Flash (2014) but is still very well done in Supergirl, and it’s really been a good example on how you can be a villain or a victim, but it’s all in what you do with the guilt or do with the pain. If you choose to grow, or choose to wallow. It’s up to you and this show has moved me so much to grow.

6. Since my answers are really lengthy at this point, I’m going to cut it short and just rave about how enthusiastic the cast is. (*cough* Melwood is PR so I’m not counting that. *cough*) David really is Space Dad. Melissa really is Kara “Awkward Sunshine” Danvers. Chyler really is Supportive GF Alex Danvers (and she’s not even a lesbian! she’s married! and her husband [from what I can tell] is very supportive of this!!!!! I love them both sm!). And they’re just… all so good to each other, and to their fans. It makes me so proud, and gives so much hope for friendships that have already been formed because of a mutual love of them and this show has just brought so much joy into my life and I could go on about ANYTHING in this show just lemme at 'em.

*Or pan, or anything really. I personally HC her as bi, but that doesn't mean that's the only label she could put on. Read bi as whatever you like! :D

[thisdaynews]

Trump could stay ‘out of the political fray’ for only so long

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/trump-could-stay-out-of-the-political-fray-for-only-so-long/

Trump could stay ‘out of the political fray’ for only so long

President Donald Trump and first lady Melania Trump arrive at El Paso International Airport to meet with people affected by the El Paso mass shooting. | Evan Vucci/AP Photo

White House

For most of the day, the president was largely out of sight. But aboard Air Force One, he bashed the Democrats he had just seen.

President Donald Trump struggled on Wednesday to keep his hands off Twitter while visiting first responders and victims of the recent mass shootings in Texas and Ohio — despite declaring earlier in the day that he would “stay out of the political fray.”

For most of the day, the president remained largely out of sight from reporters. He first made his way around Miami Valley Hospital in Dayton, Ohio, where nine people were killed overnight on Sunday by a 24-year-old gunman with an AR-15-style firearm. Even as protests materialized nearby, Trump refrained from venting to members of the news media, who were left to rely on sporadic updates from White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham’s Twitter feed.

Story Continued Below

“While at the hospital, [Trump] says, ‘You had God watching. I want you to know we’re with you all the way,’” Grisham tweeted while Trump and the first lady met with the injured.

As soon as the president reboarded Air Force One, however, he returned to his usual routine — calling out political opponents on Twitter while attempting to distort their words.

First came Trump’s tweet about former Vice President Joe Biden.

Shortly after taking off for El Paso, Texas, where 22 people were shot and killed in a crowded Walmart on Saturday in a heavily Hispanic area, Trump mocked Biden for delivering a “boring” speech about the president’s response to both mass shootings.

“Watching Sleepy Joe Biden making a speech,” Trump tweeted from aboard the presidential aircraft. “The LameStream Media will die in the ratings and clicks with this guy. It will be over for them, not to mention the fact that our Country will do poorly with him.”

During his speech in Iowa on Wednesday, Biden, who leads the 2020 Democratic presidential field, accused Trump of inciting violence and propping up white supremacy in a blistering critique of the president’s words and actions during a campaign stop.

Trump “offers no moral leadership, no interest in unifying the nation, no evidence the presidency has awakened his conscience in the least,” Biden said.

The president then trained his ire on two more Democratic politicians: Ohio Sen. Sherrod Brown and Dayton Mayor Nan Whaley. Just minutes after his broadside against Biden, Trump posted a pair of tweets suggesting he had tuned in to a joint news conference that Brown and Whaley held after joining Trump at Miami Valley Hospital.

In part of his remarks, Brown said the president received a warm welcome from the patients.

“They were hurting. He was comforting. He did the right things, Melania did the right things. And it’s his job, in part, to comfort people,” Brown, who said he “wrestled” with how to handle Trump’s visit to Dayton, told reporters.

The two Democrats called for swift action by the president and Congress to enact stricter gun laws, even as Whaley said she remained skeptical that concrete action would be taken.

“Do I think that we’re going to see another mass shooting tomorrow or Friday? Probably, because Washington will not move,” she said, standing beside Brown.

It was unclear which comments set off Trump. But he swiftly accused Whaley and Brown on Twitter of “totally misrepresenting what took place inside the hospital.”

“Their news conference after I left for El Paso was a fraud,” he wrote, describing Brown as a “failed Presidential candidate.” (The Ohio Democrat considered a 2020 bid earlier this year, but decided against formally launching a campaign.)

Their news conference, Trump continued, “bore no resemblance to what took place with those incredible people that I was so lucky to meet and spend time with. They were all amazing!”

A few hours later, Trump doubled down to reporters.

“I turn on the television and there they are saying, ‘I don’t know if it was appropriate for the president to be here,’” he said. “Et cetera, et cetera, the same old line. They’re very dishonest people.”

Members of the president’s reelection campaign, along with White House staff, also criticized the Democrats for, as Trump’s social media adviser Dan Scavino put it, “doing nothing but politicizing a mass shooting.”

“They are disgraceful politicians,” Scavino wrote in a tweet about Brown and Whaley. “The President was treated like a Rock Star inside the hospital, which was all caught on video.”

“They all loved seeing their great President!” he continued, claiming in a separate tweet that “Trump Hating Dems” were attempting to shield voters from the “enthusiasm and love” Trump encountered during his visit.

The outburst left both Democratic figures baffled. When an aide first informed Whaley of the president’s comments, she appeared surprised by his criticism.

“I’m really confused. We said he was treated very well. I don’t know what they’re talking about misrepresenting,” she said in a moment that was captured on video.

“Oh, well,” she added. “You know he lives in his world of Twitter.”

The result was more fodder for Trump critics who have long said he’s prone to inflammatory language in moments of tragedy.

The president dismissed those complaints earlier Wednesday, telling reporters outside the White House that his rhetoric “brings people together,” before scolding undocumented immigrants in another sentence for “pouring in to this country.”

In previous trips to meet with victims following mass shootings, Trump was similarly accused of stoking division and mixing politics with tragedy.

On his way to meet with the survivors of the shooting at Pittsburgh’s Tree of Life Synagogue last October, the president told reporters that the outcome likely would have been different “if there was an armed guard inside the temple.” Local leaders panned the president’s suggestion as unrealistic and insensitive.

“Where do we stop with arming our entire society and feeling as if we can’t be safe anywhere? I just don’t see the answer,” Erica Strassburger, a Pittsburgh City Council member, told ABC News at the time.

More broadly, Wednesday’s reversal — from claiming to be uninterested in delving into “the political fray” to targeting Biden, Brown and Whaley on Twitter — has become a common pattern for Trump. He regularly vacillated over how strongly to defend his remarks that there were “good people” on “both sides” following a deadly white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Va. And more recently, the president reversed course after disavowing attendees who chanted “send her back” about Somali-born Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.), calling them “incredible patriots” only a day later.

Trump’s Wednesday trip comes as the president also discusses potential legislation to expand background checks for gun purchasers. He has claimed to have been in touch with lawmakers reluctant to take up the issue. Representatives from major tech companies have also been invited to the White House on Friday for a discussion on how to better identify and eliminate violent threats or behavior online.

“I think we can do something on background checks like we’ve never done before,” Trump said Wednesday.

Read More

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

Would it be a reach if I completely wanted to agree with you on mileven's entire romantic relationship being a protection wall for Mike? I mean, on one hand, it would be really weird for the writers to reveal that all three seasons of them "loving" each other were actually just Mike trying to hide that he's gay (Eleven is the main character, would she be used by Mike too? It's kinda cruel idk) but on the other hand EVERYTHING you stated makes complete sense IM SO CONFUSEDDDD I honestly don't know what to believe anymore :( I WANT BYLER TO BE REAL

I think the biggest misconception, and one that leads to many others, is that El is the main character of the show. She's not. She's a main character. She's a very important character. So are Hopper, Will, Mike, Joyce, and others. The biggest issue I have with this fandom is that Stranger Things is seen by many people as The El Show. Netflix's marketing team hasn't really helped with this. She is a very popular character, so she gets a lot of attention, and MBB is probably the biggest breakout actor with how many roles she's landed since. This is an ensemble cast, though.

Secondly, Stranger Things hasn't spent three seasons building up Mike and El's relationship or showing them loving each other. They knew each other for a week in season 1, didn't see each other for a year, got together after reuniting, then had a horribly controlling, dishonest relationship that lasted a few months. Yes, they missed each other terribly in that year where everyone thought El was dead. They were both going through unbelievably emotional events at the time (El escaping and hiding from Brenner, Mike searching for Will and briefly thinking he was dead). Couple Mike's utter relief to see her alive and El having watched soap operas for a year while thinking about Mike, and it's easy to see why they'd think they were in love.

Mike hasn't been using El, not anymore than El has been using him, anyway. They're basically each other's security blankets. They make each other feel like they're normal and have control over their lives. Notice how El apparently didn't try to reestablish her relationship with Mike until she was about to leave. She lost her first real parent figure and her powers, and now she was leaving all her friends. Her life was falling apart, but Mike makes her feel safe. But anyone who watches that scene and thinks that Mike feels the same is only kidding themselves.

We also need to keep in mind that El's concepts of relationships are still pretty limited. She learned about romance largely from soap operas. I think if she has an opportunity to grow away from Mike, that she'll see she didn't love him romantically. They care about each other, and nothing about this needs to be cruel for El. She might get hurt, yeah, but no more than any teenager gets hurt from exploring the world of romance. She needs to learn what makes a good relationship and how to tell the difference between romantic and platonic love. She has to learn the difference between needing someone because you love them and loving someone because you need them.

I'll also counter by pointing out that the Duffers have spent three seasons showing Mike and Will loving each other, but in more heartfelt, genuine ways. Mike spent season 1 doing whatever it took to find Will and was devastated when he thought Will was dead. Will could break at least partially free from the Upside Down/Mindflayer several times because of Mike. Will wanted to be with Mike at the Snowball, then Mike was upset after Will left to dance. Their fight was done for drama rather than laughs. The scenes where they expressed how they felt ("..best thing I've ever done" and "I guess I did. I really did.") were quiet and dark so that there were no distractions for the audience. They were both happy and reassured after their goodbye scene.

We have two boys here who have cared about each other so much for so longer that they may not even realize what those feelings mean. Mike may have had an epiphany after the Byers left with how shocked and upset he seemed. Will possibly has a hunch, but is afraid for his dad and bullies to be right. El deserves to figure out who she is, like Max suggested, than to feel tied to Mike. I hope all three of them can end up happy.