#he needs to manage his emotions and not take them out on me or i will not be able to trust him

[tuiccim]

We're Gonna Burn (Part 4-Final)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: 3.8K

Warnings: Smut, Sex Pollen, Non/DubCon (because sex pollen), enemies to lovers.

Summary: When an exposure to a strange powder makes you feel as if you're burning to death, your only relief is in the person you hate the most. Now, dealing with the aftermath makes you question everything.

We're Gonna Burn Masterlist

As fate would have it, you get notification of a mission briefing the next morning. You are slightly relieved when you see this one involves the full team. Your emotions from the day before had kept you awake most of the night and you were glad you had another therapy session planned in a few days. You needed to process everything that had happened last night. Especially that almost kiss. It had disturbed the calm you felt. You had gone from hating the man to nearly kissing him in the space of an hour. You tried to shake it off as merely a reaction to all of the emotions but you knew you were fooling yourself in part. You had been attracted to him in the beginning, but it had faded with his surly attitude. It was as if the vulnerability he had shown had brought all of that back in force and you were glad that this mission was with everyone. Some time with the team and space where Bucky is present but not the center of your attention may help you sort some of these feelings.

But fate always had a sense of humor when it came to you. As soon as the plan had been gone over in the briefing, you were paired up with Bucky for your part of it. You cursed silently but returned his nod of acknowledgement. You should have guessed this would happen. Your skills complemented Bucky’s in a way that would make tactical sense to put the two of you together and they had begun to pair you off more in the weeks before the cabin incident. You calm yourself, Bucky was a professional and you were as well. You can put your emotions aside and handle anything that comes your way. You weren’t leaving until the next day so you had time to prepare yourself. When the meeting concluded, you gathered your things and made for the door but stopped short when Bucky called your name. It seemed like time froze for you and that everyone still in the room eyed you both discreetly. Your aversion to each other was well known and they were used to seeing fireworks between the two of you. They all moved in slow motion as you made your way back to Bucky.

“What’s up?” You ask.

“Uh,” Bucky glares at the others moving slowly until they all tuck tail and skulk off. When you were alone, he said,”I wanted to say thank you again for last night. I’m glad we were able to clear the air between us.”

“Me, too. Was Alpine angry about her delayed dinner?" You attempted to keep the mood light. 

"Furious. She started knocking everything off the counter until her food was delivered," Bucky shakes his head. 

"Oh, so she really does wear the pants in your household?" You laugh. 

"Absolutely, I just wear the apron," Bucky laughs with a shrug. 

You chuckle with him but, unbidden, an image of him in just an apron popped into your mind. With a quirk of your eyebrow, you say, “I see.”

Bucky’s eyes narrow, “Uh-huh. Alpine took a liking to you. You should come back and visit her sometime.”

Your mouth goes dry at the inference he was making. You manage to choke out some sass, “She probably enjoyed having some feminine energy around. Uh, anyway, I gotta go. See you tomorrow… Bucky.” You scurried away quickly, hoping he hadn’t noticed the awkward pause before saying his name. You were fine. You were just fine, you reassured yourself. The energy shift between the two of you was giving you a multitude of ambivalent feelings. Maybe you were reading too much into it. It was all the emotions surrounding what happened. You had to calm down. Taking a deep breath, you recognize the feelings coursing through you and allow yourself to feel them. You and Bucky had finally found common ground. You’re happy about that but it brought on some confusion as well. Was Bucky trying to build a friendship? Part of you was happy at that thought but other parts felt fear that this only a short reprieve and you will find yourselves at odds again. Would the feelings brought on from the experience fade and you'd end up back where you were? Were you reading too much into this? What if you had misinterpreted that almost kiss?

Stop this! You check yourself. While the almost kiss may have been misinterpreted, his reports and reviews couldn’t be. He had learned a grudging respect for you before you cleared the air. So, while you may be overthinking the situation, you didn’t really believe things would go back to the way they were. 

Was Bucky attracted to you? That’s the thing that was throwing you off so much. You had always thought he was but was he feeling this only because of what happened in that cabin? Or was he feeling that at all? You wanted to bang your head into a wall to silence the thoughts running through your mind. Instead, you settled into a chair and reviewed the mission briefing again and again. You committed that map to memory, checked through the profile of known combatants and any skills they possess. You make notes and work through any tactical possibilities. You review the plans for infiltration and make a list of what you wanted in your tool belt. It helps you pull yourself together. 

When the time to load up came the next day, you were able to compartmentalize to allow yourself to be in the right state of mind for a mission. You boarded the quinjet to find Bucky already there. Sitting beside him, you pulled out your tablet and motioned to the map included in the file, “Hey. Can I ask your opinion on this?”

“Yeah. Whatcha got?”  He leans close to see the tablet. 

“The tactical plan has us coming from this angle and entering here,” you indicate the proposed entry point. 

“Right,” Bucky nods. 

“What do you think of coming this way and entering here next to what looks to be a utility room? We can lay a charge on the gas line there before making way to the original entry point for secondaries. The gas line will give us more bang for the buck and it keeps us from having to double back.” You watch his expression as he studies the map and thinks over your proposal. 

“Yeah, that makes sense. We just have to watch for any patrols coming through here or here,” he points. 

“If they’re following the timings that surveillance has seen, we should be good. But there is always that saying about best laid plans,” you murmur the last parts. 

“After last time, that’s an understatement,” Bucky shakes his head.

“Of the century,” you agree with a scoff. 

“Are you okay doing this so soon?” he whispers. 

“Honestly, getting back out and the chance to kick ass is the best therapy I can think of,” you whisper back. 

“Damn right. I knew I liked you,” Bucky grins. 

“Took you long enough,” you quip. 

“I can make the time up,” he winks. 

He’s flirting, your brain screams at you as alarm bells ring. You weren’t sure how to feel but you need to get the focus back on the mission, “Ass kicking first.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he sasses playfully. 

You hold yourself back from saying something- ah, fuck it. You give him a smirk, “good boy.”

The look that crosses his face is priceless. You keep your face impassive as you look over the map again. You could have kissed the pilot for calling you over just then. It allowed you to separate from Bucky without losing the upper hand you had just established. 

The mission wasn’t as easy as you had anticipated. It was fine. The plan went well with only a little bit of improvisation needed but it was difficult for you. You had a harder time compartmentalizing than you normally did. At one point Bucky had pulled you into a closet to miss a patrol and standing close to him with his hand on your waist made it hard to hold on to your professionalism. You were fairly certain he felt the same, if his breathing was any indication. It caused you to have a moment of panic. Would you ever be able to work with him again without feeling like this? You were hyper-aware and tied up in knots over your ambivalent reaction. You were never sure if you were excited or terrified by the contact. You try to convince yourself it would lessen in time. It was just the emotions. Eventually, it would become old hat again. This flirtatious side of Bucky was new and different and enjoyable. Even if the darker side of your brain warned that he was just playing games. If he bagged you for real and not as the result of a pollen induced fever, he’d be able to lord it over you. You silence it quickly but the acrid taste of fear lingers in your mouth. 

You stayed busy for most of the ride back by resetting equipment, updating files, filling out your report, and any other activity you could think of. When there was nothing left for you to distract yourself with, you make your way to where the rest of the team sat. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw Bucky brighten at your presence and motion to the open seat beside him. Like a magnet, you were drawn to him without a second thought and sat. 

“Did you finish everything?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Yeah,” you nod. It felt like he was acutely aware of your avoidance.

“How was it being back out?” He offers you the bag of chips he is munching on. 

“No, thanks. Not bad,” you demure, “You?”

“Not as cathartic as I hoped,” he says quietly. 

“What?” You are shocked at his comment. 

“Nothing,” he shakes his head. 

“No, I feel the same. It was… I don’t know. Tenser, somehow,” you look at him nervously.

“Yeah, yeah,” he says pensively. 

“What’s that thought?”

“I hesitated,” he says quietly. 

“When?” You ask, thinking back. 

“During the op.”

“You never missed a beat,” you object. 

“When I pulled you into the closet, I hesitated. I think part of me was scared you’d flinch but then I didn’t have a choice. I had to get us hidden.”

“Did I flinch?” You ask with a small smile. 

“No, but your breathing changed,” he looks at you curiously. 

“So did yours.”

“Yeah?”

”Yeah, I think we’re, I mean, I know I’m still a little reactionary to being touched. I’m still finding it a little… I don’t know the word. Charged, maybe?” You attempt to explain.

“Fraught?” He supplies. 

“Yes! Thank you. That’s a very good word for it.”

“Because it’s me or…?” He trails off but the question is clear.

You take a few seconds to compose a reply knowing your relationship hangs in the balance. “Touch in general is still a little difficult for me. I can’t feel it without flashes of- what happened. Of the loss of control.”

“I’m sorry,” Bucky’s voice sounds thick.

“It wasn’t your fault, Bucky. You don’t deserve any blame for what happened. But, there is another part of this situation that disconcerts me. This complete one-eighty with us. We went from hating each other, to that, to whatever this is.”

“The start of a friendship?” Bucky says, his face full of hope. 

“Is that what you want?”

“I thought that’s what we both want. After our talk, I thought we were going to build a better relationship to make us better teammates.”

“I wanted to build some mutual respect but that doesn’t require us to be friends,” you say nervously, “So, why? Why do you want to be friends all of a sudden?” You were pushing him, partly to see if his current demeanor was a facade that would fall but mostly because you were scared that none of this was real. You had one view of Bucky for so long and your suspicions of his motives for this new leaf remained. 

“It’s not all of a sudden. I’ve been wanting to for a while. I just didn’t know how to go about it. Anytime I approach you, you get uptight and defensive, rightfully so from my past behaviour, and I didn’t think you’d give me a chance. And then, after what happened, I didn't think you’d ever want to be in the same room with me but then we talked and… when you touched my cheek, it gave me hope that I could turn this around. I understand why you’re apprehensive. I've been a complete jerk to you and you have every right to hate me. But, if you’ll give me a shot, I’d like to be friends.”

It touched your heart. You wanted to lean in, to kiss him, and that terrified you in another way. Fear started to well up in you and you pushed it down. You had control over this situation and you would handle it. “Okay,” you say quietly. 

“Okay?” Bucky asks. 

“Okay, we can give it a shot,” you give a small smile. 

“Okay. That’s, yeah, that’s great. Uh, what are your plans after we get back?” Bucky asks, fidgeting with his fingers nervously. 

“I don’t,” you shake your head, “I don’t have any. Probably just find some food and veg out in front of the tv.”

“Would you like to come visit Alpine? We could order a pizza and watch a movie or something.”

You pause, licking your lips as you consider, “Uh-”

“You can pick the movie,” Bucky sweetens the deal.

A smile slowly spreads across your face, “Yeah, okay.”

A few hours later you were comfortably lounging on Bucky's couch with Alpine happily purring in your lap. Bucky sat on the opposite end watching the goofy movie you had chosen. When it ended, you talked for a while and then left. There was little awkwardness and you appreciated Bucky respecting your boundaries. 

The following week, you had movie night together again and then it fell into a routine. Movie nights, meals, errands, and missions were done together more often than not. When paired together for missions, your skills had always complimented each other but with new understanding and familiarity, your abilities as a team became technically perfect. You could anticipate each other's moves and needs and that translated to your personal life as well. 

One movie night, you shifted closer to him on the couch to show him a video on your phone and Alpine chose that moment to make camp on your lap, so you stayed next to Bucky. You were comfortable there and following movie nights found you in that same spot. Little touches became more common and less fraught each time. It was comforting for your mind and body rather than triggering. Dr. Montesi was impressed with your progress. 

Bucky was kind and funny and full of stories. The more you got to know each other, the more you found you had in common. You both lamented at some point that you had wasted so much time hating each other. You opened up new interests together, discovered new places to visit, and became confidantes. You were basically inseparable. The team had noticed the change in your relationship but kept their comments and observations to themselves. 

The one thing that haunts you, a spectre always in the back of your mind is the memories of the explosive, unparalleled sex in that cabin. During the day, you were able to (mostly) keep those thoughts at bay, but sometimes at night, you dreamed of it and awoke with an intense longing you felt to your bones. At times, Bucky flirts but you both laugh it off. The truth is, as casual as your touches are every time you’re together, your body screams out for him. You were fighting it and you didn’t want to admit it to yourself, but you’re falling in love with Bucky Barnes. You want to believe he feels the same but he hasn't given you any indication. It was eating at you. What if it was all in your head?

–

Bucky answers the door for your weekly movie night with a frantic face, “I can’t find Alpine!” He immediately turns away to search and you follow, swiftly closing the door. “I’ve looked everywhere since I got back and she’s not here. I’ve shaken treats and called for her. I don’t think she got out. Unless she slipped past me when I came back. I-”

“Bucky, hey, stop for a second,” you pull him up from where he’s looking under the couch. “Look at me, okay? I doubt she disappeared. She’s probably hiding. Did anything happen today?” You hold his biceps to keep him still and try to ground him. 

“We went to the vet this afternoon. It was time for her shots.”

“Has she reacted to shots badly in the past?”

“It’s the first time I’ve taken her. She had them all when I adopted her a year ago,” he glances around the room searching for her. 

“A lot of cats tend to hide when they don’t feel well. What did you do when you got home with her?” You ask calmly. 

“I took her to my bedroom and let her out of her carrier. I went to the bathroom and then went to the store for some groceries. When I came back, she was gone,” Bucky shrugs. 

“Is it okay if I help you look?” You asked as an idea formed in your mind. 

“Please,” Bucky nods. 

You stoop down to look under the living room furniture and don’t see anything suspicious. “Is it okay if I go into your bedroom?” You ask over your shoulder as you stick your head in his kitchen. 

“Yeah. I don’t care as long as we find her.”

You head to the bedroom and flip on the lights, getting down on the floor, you look under the bed. There are a few cat toys and a pair of rolled up socks but no cat… at least, not on the floor. 

“I checked under the bed. She’s not there,” Bucky states as he watches you.

“Mm-hm,” you reply as you scooch around to a particular spot. You had noticed that the box spring was drooping slightly in one place and had a suspicion. When you got close enough, you saw where the cover had about a six inch rip. Running your hand over the indentation next to it, you are met with a small mewl. “Hey Alpine. Poor baby, you don’t feel good?” You look through the hole and see the cat curled up. She looks at you with her big blue eyes and seems fine. After giving you a slow blink, she curls back into herself. You look up to see Bucky standing over you and you smile, “She’s fine.” 

Bucky holds out his hand, helps you up and wraps his arms around you in a hug, “Thank you. I thought I’d lost her.”

“Of course. Cats hide when they don’t feel good and they can find the craziest places,” you reassure him as you relax into his arms. Your eyes slowly slipped shut and it seemed you both exhaled the stress of the last few minutes. Peace and comfort envelopes you and with each passing moment you sink further into it. 

It was strange. Usually in a situation like this, your brain would be running amok with thoughts of what you should be doing, if you were touching him too much, some remnant fear would crop up but your mind was quiet for a rare moment. It felt good to just be held by someone you trusted. 

You stay, basking in the warmth and peace that his arms being around you brings. Your mind is quiet until he murmurs something indiscernible. Reluctantly, you lift your head, “What?”

He pauses for a moment and then asks, “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah,” you reluctantly separate from him. “Do you have anything particular in mind?” When he hadn’t spoken after a moment, you look at him. He stands frozen in the same spot while staring at you. You tilt your head in confusion, “Bucky?”

He meets your eyes and says quietly, “That’s not what I said.”

“Wha-”

“I love you,” he steps closer and gently touches your neck. “I love you. I know you may never be able to feel that way about me after what happ-”

“Shut up and kiss me,” you grin as you pull him to you. His lips touching yours is pure bliss. You wrap your arms around him, living for this moment that ignited every happy emotion you possessed. There was not a dark spot in your mind. No negative thought or triggered memory crowded you. It was just joy. And heat. Your body shifted from the comfort of your earlier embrace to a wave of passion as the kiss continued. Keeping your lips connected you pulled Bucky to the living room couch and pushed him down on it. You removed your shirt as you straddled his lap. 

Bucky watches in awe and manages to whisper, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes,” you smile. “I mean, I’d prefer the bed but Alpine’s been traumatised enough today.”

He throws his head back in a laugh and after a moment, his gaze returns to you. A question was clear in his eyes. You swipe your thumb over his lower lip and whisper, “Say it again.”

Bucky’s eyes look into yours deeply, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you kiss him, putting everything into it. You made love on the couch. And then somehow ended up on the floor for round two. Starved, you found some food in the kitchen and christened the counter. Later, as you lay in his arms on the couch again, you can’t help but chuckle at a stray thought. 

“What’s that about?” Bucky asks, cuddling you closer. 

“I, um, I remember wondering if the pollen had made the sex seem so good when we were in that cabin. Now, I know for sure.”

“Oh?” He queries.

“It wasn’t the pollen. It was just you,” you smile. 

His soft laugh warms you, “I knew it was you all along.”

You could hear the double meaning in his words. He really had cared for you before all this happened. You kiss him before whispering earnestly, “I love you.”

“I love you, doll,” Bucky gently stands and pulls you with him to the bedroom. “Now, I think Alpine has had the bed to herself long enough, don’t you?”

“Absolutely,” you grin as you follow him. 

Updates and taglist: Due to the unreliable nature of tags, I no longer keep a taglist. Updates for series will be made on Sundays Central Time Zone. Please follow my sideblog @tuiccimfanfiction and turn on notifications for updates. All series and new stories will be reblogged to it. You will only receive notifications when a new part or story is out! Nothing else will be blogged to the page. I can’t thank you enough for your support!

[0798f]

💞 — Mediator.

RELATIONSHIP: Gojo Satoru x Reader

SUMMARY: When Gojo and Megumi fight, it’s up to you to get them to make amends.

A/N: I think about the Gojo-Megumi-Tsumiki household a lot...

“Babe, help! Megumi is mad at me!”

“I don’t wanna talk to him.”

“Stop pretendin’ like I’m not here!”

(Name) hadn’t even taken their shoes off when they found themselves in the crosshairs of a squabble between Gojo and Megumi. Not the first time, and certainly would not be the last time. Gojo practically launched himself at the door as soon as (Name) walked in, throwing his arms around them to bury his face in their shirt. He seemed much more upset than the actual child; Megumi stood at the entrance with a scowl too mature to take seriously and crossed arms.

He wasn’t crying, at least— but that might be a result of having freshly turned 12 and deciding he was a real adult, now. Gojo and (Name) wondered if that declaration meant he would stop being so fussy and difficult, but, so far, it seemed like quite the opposite.

That wasn’t to imply that Megumi was always difficult. He was a kid after all, and everything in his life had been shit from the very start. (Name) much preferred emotional outbursts over him developing a habit of bottling up his feelings, even if it resulted in being yelled at by a child. Gojo usually received the brunt of the anger, anyway, for his annoying tendency of pushing Megumi’s buttons without recognizing where the line should be drawn. Did Limitless come with the drawback of him being unable to read the room?

Megumi seeming nonplussed at worst while Gojo’s crocodile tears soaked into (Name)’s shirt gave them a pretty clear idea of what likely occurred. It took some force to push Gojo off of them, but once his face was at arm’s length, (Name) turned their attention to Megumi. “What did he do, Megs?”

In their periphery, (Name) saw Gojo dramatically flail his arms. “You’re ignoring me, too!? Is everyone in this house against me?”

It was difficult not to laugh at his antics, but (Name) managed as they waited for Megumi’s answer. Someone needed to take him more seriously if Gojo wasn’t going to. A few beats of silence passed before Megumi decided to spill some feelings through quivering lips. “… He won’t stop bothering me.”

“He yelled at me, (Name)! He told me to get the hell out of his room, then I told him to watch his damn language, then-!“

They had heard enough. (Name) sighed and removed themselves from Gojo’s grasp completely, much to his disappointment, and beckoned Megumi to come closer.

“Okay, I understand,” (Name) nodded. Gojo looked up at them, attempting to use a shining yet pathetic display of Six Eyes as some strange form of emotional manipulation. If (Name) had to pick who in this room was the most childish, it would be a difficult choice. They spared a single glance at Gojo. “You’re on timeout.”

“I’m the one in timeout?!” Gojo latched onto (Name) once again. “But, Megumi swore at me!”

(Name) shrugged, “you deserved it. Timeout. Apologize when we get back. Megs, c’mon. Wanna go to the convenience store?”

No child can resist the promise of a nice treat for their troubles. Megumi’s eyes lit up but he held back a smile with all his might. He rushed past Gojo to put his shoes on. Gojo, on the other hand, did nothing to hide his cry of despair. He had half the mind to grab onto (Name)’s legs and stop them from leaving, but he felt their hand card gently through his hair— some reassurance so that he wouldn’t die of neglect. With a huff and a pout, Gojo relinquished his grasp and gave (Name) enough space to open the door for Megumi.

“We’ll be back in a little bit. Think about what you did.” Once Megumi was out the door and out of the line of sight, (Name) pressed a chaste kiss to Gojo’s cheek. “Seriously, stop bothering him so much. Love you, we’ll be back pretty fast. He doesn’t seem too upset.”

He moved fast enough to kiss the corner of (Name)’s mouth before they were able to move away. “Everybody is so mean to me…”

Times like this were when (Name) remembered just how young they were. Gojo was a brat, and it could be annoying, but how could (Name) blame him? They were only in their mid-twenties, with their childhood innocence ripped away in exchange for the world of jujutsu sorcery. Surrogate parents in their early 20s and the threat of death always looming over their shoulders. Life sucked sometimes, so if this was what Gojo was upset about for the day, it meant it was a good day.

“Maybe you should reflect on that, then…” (Name)’s words trailed off as they shut the door behind them. Gojo waited like a sad dog at the window for their car to disappear down the street before he traded his slippers for sneakers.

Gojo would not be reflecting on anything.

Even when (Name) was paying, Megumi didn’t like to spend much on himself. He placed one bag of chips on the counter, despite being encouraged to get whatever he wanted. (Name) found out quickly after taking in Tsumiki and Megumi that part of parenting was taking the initiative for quiet and stubborn children, so they added 2 cans of soda and three different flavored onigiri while Megumi wasn’t looking.

The weather was just warm enough to comfortably sit on the bench just outside the convenience store. It was the perfect size to fit their family of 4, even if it was a little crowded when they did. But with Tsumiki hanging out with her friends and Gojo in timeout, there was more than enough space for just Megumi and (Name). Megumi made himself comfortable on one end of the bench as (Name) paid the cashier with some cash straight from the mission they were just compensated for.

Truth be told, (Name) was exhausted as shit and returning from a mission when they walked into Megumi and Gojo’s petty squabble. They were looking forward to flopping onto the couch and passing out instantly. Gojo would throw a blanket over them, Megumi would enjoy the silence by getting some schoolwork done, and (Name) would wake up when Tsumiki got home so they could cook dinner together. But for as exhausted as they were, spending some extra time with Megumi was just as nice.

(Name) took their place on the opposite side of the bench and placed the snacks between them. He raised his brows at all the extra food but wasted no time opening the bag of chips he picked out. At first, neither of them spoke. That was one of Megumi’s favorite things about (Name); they could sit in comfortable silence, spending time together without wearing down either of their social batteries. Where Gojo was energetic and arrogant, (Name) was quiet and gentle.

Which was why Megumi struggled to understand what (Name) liked about that guy. Between bites of his food, Megumi spoke his thoughts aloud. “Why did you marry him?”

They think that Megumi might have been more bitter about their disagreement than (Name) had initially decided if he was asking a question like that of nowhere. (Name) shrugged, “‘cause I love him?”

The corners of (Name)’s lips curled up when they saw Megumi’s disgusted reaction. “But, why?! He’s annoying.”

“He’s annoying,” (Name) agreed with a laugh. He had annoyed them ever since the first day they met. Utahime liked to joke that (Name) only married him because Gojo had spent years wearing them down, and (Name) liked to entertain that theory because it was funny (for everyone except Gojo). But for as grossed out as Megumi was acting, (Name) assumed he was asking genuinely— if only just barely. “He’s annoying to the people he cares most about. He’s clingy and has no concept of personal space, which is ironic given his cursed technique.”

Megumi, mouth full, tilted his head to the side. “You just listed a bunch of stuff you don’t like about him.”

Again, (Name) laughed. “Those are the things I like about him, though. He’s always there, so I know I can rely on him. He’s been by my side for years and he’s never let me down. He’s a great guy.”

It was perhaps too earnest of a statement for the young boy to fully comprehend— especially since it was something so difficult for him to believe. Satoru Gojo? Reliable? That guy couldn’t even reliably cook eggs.

While he pondered that idea, he felt (Name) pat the top of his head. “For the most part, I’m like you; I like my space, I like my privacy. I wanna get left alone a lot. But, for me, it’s nice knowing someone is always there. That they care about me.”

Megumi squirmed under (Name)’s hand. Not because he was uncomfortable, but because he was forced to think about how much the people in his life cared for him. Tsumiki never stopped doting on him, even as he got older. (Name) always treated him the way he wanted to be treated, letting him feel independent while always knowing they were there for support. And Gojo, for everything about him that Megumi found annoying, never stopped trying to make him laugh or make him have fun.

With a huff, Megumi leaned into (Name)’s touch. Some part of him that was already being drowned out by tween angst reminded himself how lucky it was to be so loved.

“Still, he’s gotta actually listen to you when you’re upset.” (Name) gestured down the street, and following their gaze Megumi caught sight of familiar white hair just before the person turned the corner.

All the goodwill in his heart dissipated immediately and the same scowl he was wearing when he was arguing with Gojo reappeared.

(Name) rolled their eyes. One would think the greatest jujutsu sorcerer could realize that, at over 6 feet tall and sparkling white hair, he was not exactly the stealthiest person in the world. Not that it really mattered; (Name) had already guessed Gojo was going to follow them, and that he likely wasn’t trying to stay too hidden. (Name) handed one of the extra onigiri they bought to Megumi and sighed, “go tell him he can sit and eat with us if he apologizes.”

They knew Megumi wasn’t upset anymore when he rushed down the street to scold Gojo.

masterlists.

[mrsstan21]

I Got You

GIF Credit: @fockers-archive

Bucky Barnes x Reader

A/N: we’re about two months into the new year and they have been the most challenging for me. I wrote this as a way to help make myself feel better and it really did. I hope you all enjoy! And no I didn’t proof read.

Warning: mild angst, mental health challenges, but mainly an amazing boyfriend who’s there for you when you need them most.

Life stresses were the main cause to your emotional turmoil lately. Work had become more stressful, family issues were flaring up, and slowly your mental health was deteriorating. When you were able to be alone, that’s when you broke down completely. Because breaking down in front of others never felt acceptable.

Today was no different, after coming home from yet another stressor of the day, you found yourself trying to start dinner. The task at hand was suddenly more difficult than usual. While you tried to prepare everything, your mind would not shut off. Thoughts from different aspects of your life clouded your mind causing you to feel overwhelmed.

You accidentally forgot to turn down the heat and the water from the pot overflowed. Cursing at yourself you turned off the stove, but heard a loud clatter from behind. Apparently Alpine thought it was a good idea to jump on the counter and swat everything to the floor.

“Alpine!” You didn’t yell at the white fluff ball, but were getting more frustrated by the minute.

As you tried to pick everything up, your phone rang and it was your mother. Acting on impulse you answered and it was a huge mistake. What your mother would classify as “simple chit chat with your daughter” was in reality her dumping all her issues onto you.

“Mom I know you are going through some stuff but it’s been a really tough day and I need to finish dinner”.

You were gentle, but she wasn’t. It was another 10 minutes of her back lashing you before you could hang up. There was that tightness in your throat again and that pressure behind your eyes. Even though you were alone, you didn’t allow yourself to feel anything. You just couldn’t, you needed to be strong.

After taking a deep breath you decided to get a glass of water.

Which turned into the breaking point for you.

After pouring yourself a glass, you were reaching over to grab something when the glass tips over and spills onto the counter.

That was it. Afterwards the tears slowly but gradually began flowing and you sunk to the floor.

You felt as if you could never catch a break and something always has to happen. You felt as if you were suffocating and there was no end to this rut you found yourself in.

With you head in your knees, you felt the touch of cool metal on your arm. Looking up through blurry vision you found a pair of blue eyes staring back at you.

Those eyes that you can stare into for hours. Eyes that make everything else around disappear. And that was the mission of their owners.

Bucky didn’t need to say much in the moment. He was concerned as to why his best girl was balling her eyes out on the kitchen floor, but understood at the same time. He admired your self resilience as it was one of the reasons why he fell in love with you. He was aware of the way you kept your head up when things got tough. He loved that you were a natural go-getter and powered through situations all on your own.

But at the same time, he wished you would let him help. Your independence tended to get the best of you at times, and as much as he’s expressed that he was there to help. You were stubborn. Another reason why he loves you.

You didn’t need to explain what happened, he knows. Bucky flashed you a small smile, while he creased your cheek and wiping away the tears that managed to escape. No words were exchanged as he slowly helped you up, and there was no need. For a small moment you looked up to him, those eyes again silently asked what you needed.

You closed the small gap between you and wrapped your arms around his frame. He engulfed you securing you into his embrace. Your head rested perfectly on his broad, solid chest where you could hear the rhythm of his heart. There you two stood for how ever long it took, and you let the tears flow once again.

Bucky never judged you, and that’s something you loved most about the man who was currently holding you. Because with him you didn’t need to be strong all the time. You didn’t need to be perfect or put up a force of strength. No, when you are with Bucky you can be vulnerable and feel safe to do so. Because with him you feel all the burdens you face just wash away like the sea retreating from its shore.

Bucky was your sea, his hugs and gestures were the calm, soothing waves bringing you back down to touch the sand. And that’s something you appreciate more than anything else.

Not too long has passed and you found yourself grounded. He doesn’t say anything while he carries you to your shared bedroom where he gently lays you on the cool sheets.

By this time your body and mind are exhausted, but at the same time you find yourself much more relaxed. With a kiss to your forehead and nose, he drapes a blanket over you. And you are whisked away into a deep slumber.

Bucky watches you as he retreats from the room. You were finally resting, and now it was his responsibility to ease your worries as best as he could.

He managed to clean up the kitchen and make your favorite meal. He organized the apartment, feed Alpine, did the laundry and prepared lunch for you to take tomorrow.

When you woke up from that must needed nap and saw all the things Bucky had done, you felt like your heart was going to burst. It was those small acts of service that meant the world to you. And for Bucky, he would do anything to help alleviate your worries, because that’s what you do when you love someone. Just as he loves you.

After dinner, you found yourself back in Bucky’s arms and him holding you. There were a million things you wanted to say to him, but didn’t know where to start.

When you faced each other once again, your mind suddenly slowed down. Leaning in, you allowed your lips to touch his. Bucky didn’t hesitate returning the favor, and made sure to tell you all he felt in that moment.

When you two broke away, you found yourself staring once again.

“Thank you” a small whispered escaped from your lips.

He smiled.

“I got you”.

And you knew he always would.

[little-saw]

little + cg ! doey doughman headcanons !! ☆ *

Doey!! He's gummy and funny ^^ I really loved his character, and I was sad to see him go. Seeing his two different personalities and responses to being hurt made me feel really seen as someone who struggles with emotions. I think he's a flip, both a caregiver and little, respectively! Cws: mentions of trauma, tantrums, horror, sh, and multiple personalities.

Note: plural words may be used in relation to the 3 children inside his body.

Little ! Doey The Doughman

Doey is an impure regressor, when he feels big emotions, typically about playcare or his deaths.

Becomes aggressive, but if you find a way to reassure him, it isn't too hard to bring him to a soft and gentle state,

When regressed, Doey becomes much more curious, wandering about the toy factory in hopes of finding something new and interesting. Something as simple as a storage room brings a sense of joy to his little self.

He loves wearing different hats, makes him feel proper, and like his dad's.

Doey becomes like a big manatee, playful, giant, and gentle. He loves to play pretend with the other toys around. Mommy Long Legs will spend time with him, letting him have his own tries at the games in the game station.

Doey would have a comfort item, depending on who is fronting, a plushy, a fidget, etc. He loves to stim when holding his comfort item, rubbing his face against it like a cat. He does get frustrated when it smears clay over it.

Doey loves to goofily dance when little, especially having dance offs with the other toys.

Tea parties!! Doey loves to have tea parties with Kissy and Poppy ^^

When little, Doey has a tendency to express emotions more openly. Making him more likely to experience large amounts of joy, sadness, and anger.

When overstimulated, he will rip himself apart as a form of self-harm.

Cg ! Doey The Doughman

Doey naturally has a very nurturing nature. If he sees someone alone, he's quick to scoop them up. He looks out for all the little toys, making sure they're safe and happy. as well as offering reassurance when times are hard.

"Hey, pal! How bout' you come up with Doey so we can go color? Like that idea?"

Doey hosts storytimes in the safe zone. Originally, he'd read some children's books there, but after reading the same ones over and over, he's resorted to making up stories every night for his littles.

Doey's presence is comforting and gentle. He takes his time to get to know each of the toys and what they need. Letting littles squish his clay body as a stim, and offering big strong hugs to anyone who needs support.

Playfully guides his littles through games, giving them kisses if they managed to beat the game, and also giving them kisses if they lose.

Doey will let the toys pile up on him, rocking them soothingly back and forth as they settle into his soft and squishy body.

When with a cranky little, he will occasionally sing songs for his baby, using gentle lullabies and soft songs to lull them to sleep in the otherwise terrifying factory of murder.

[l1ndseyper3z]

Gallavich headcanons cause I'm tweaking out about them

- mickey loves bands (basically confirmed in 1-07 cause of the radiohead shirt) and the first time he heard I Love You by Fontaines all he could think about was ian so that's basically their song to him

- mickey runs cold, ian runs hot

- I kinda get the vibe that after a while Terry's death actually started fucking with Mickey kinda in the way Monica's death fucked with Ian. it made mickey get kinda clingy but Ian didn't mind

- in s5 when Ian broke up with Mickey. it was 100% self destruction, he'd seen Monica and didn't want to drag Mickey into what he thought he was destined to be

- ian calls mickey baby and anyone who teases mickey about it gets threatened cause mickeys a softie who will never admit it

- although Mama Milkovich canon is unclear, I think she died somewhere in season 1 after being ill for a while. it definitely fucked with mickey and I believe that's why he ended up hooking up with ian. he thought because she was gone he had no reason to live and was just winging life. he was definitely close with her

- some songs that make them think of each other are Arms Length - Sam Fender, Open Wide - Inhaler, The Craving - Twenty One Pilots.

- they're such girl dads this is not up for discussion

- I think they end up having one kid, a girl. mandys the surrogate and she basically ends up being mickey with red hair

- mickeys a big Eminem fan cause I said so and once he has his daughter mockingbird RUINS him

- I imagine the first time Mickey held his daughter he literally just sat there for hours in awe and all the Gallaghers were just like woah ian you've managed to break mickey what the hell

- they're such good dads

- if their kid ended up with bipolar they'd deal with it so well

- honestly they're the ones most likely to break the cycle

- ian is generally clingier but mickey doesn't mind. he actually quite likes it (although he'll never admit that out loud)

- ian fell first, mickey fell infinitely harder

- mickey gets quite emotional sometimes, I mean you saw how much he cried over ian. I think finally coming to terms with all the shit he went through hit him like a truck around the time terry died

- ian is big spoon

- cause they're little domestic bitches one of their favourite things is ian reading a book while mickey naps on him or next to him and ian messes with his hair with his free hand

- people act like they don't engage in pda but they TRADEMARKED pda

- mickeys too possessive to not like pda

- mickey and debbie plus ian and mandy. lethal

- ian loves seeing mickey fit into the family. family's a massive thing for the Gallaghers so seeing mickey blend right in makes ians heart melt

- ALSO seeing mickey do anything domestic like laundry or shit makes ian horny just saying

- mickeys scent 100% grounds ian. it's what he was around at the peak of his bipolar and it brings so much comfort to him

- hence why they share clothes so much

- mickey just likes robbing all ians shit cause why not and ian loves smelling mickey

- going back to if they had a bipolar teenage daughter mickeys literally the best dad ever

- needs a day off school cause shes struggling? absolutely let me call them.

- she feels like shit? come here we'll get comfy on the couch and watch a movie

- doesn't wanna take her medication? talk to me about it, tell me why and I'll explain why you should, we can try new stuff if you need it

- mickey hated ians black hair

- after they banged in prison for the first time they were lay there and mickey just went "why u not a redhead anymore? you look like a fucking idiot"

- part of him being such a good dad is because of terry but also because he's genuinely a gentle person deep down and it just took security and comfort to bring that out. plus he wants to make his mum proud

- everytime ian sees mickey with their daughter he just like falls into a puddle on the floor

- they visit Monica's grave every year. mickey doesn't really like her but he wants to make sure ian stays connected to her

- same with mickeys mum, they visit her a lot

- everytime they go into the Kash n Grab when they're in the southside they just giggle. it's so goofy to them now

- they see Jimmy Steve's dad out somewhere one time and they're both like 😦😦😦

- they're such bad influences

- always up to some dumb shit

- basically they're all of our parents and I love my sillies

[maverices]

post-TG AU, in which Mav gets re-assigned to another squadron after his own is dissolved, and is greeted by a familiar face. set a couple of years after the movie. (wordcount: ~1k)

---

„Commander Kazansky, I believe you know Lieutenant Commander Mitchell? He’s been assigned to fill the spot in your squadron.“

Wait, what?

„Yes, thank you, Captain.“ If Iceman is surprised to see him, he doesn’t let it show on his face. Maverick isn’t too sure what his own is doing, in part because he has no idea what he’s feeling.

„Maverick.“

He controls his face, takes the offered hand and squeezes it, briefly.

„Iceman.“

The captain glances between them, looking for god-knows-what, and then nods. „I’ll leave you to it.“

They both stand to attention until he’s left the room.

„So,“ Mav drawls, turning to face Ice, „who am I replacing?“

„Me.“

„What?“

„Our CO was injured and had to take an extended medical leave. The position has been filled, but we’re still a pilot short.“

„And by the position being filled you mean…“

„I am the commanding officer of the VFA-25.“

„So you’re like, a Commander-commander now.“ Ice’s blank expression is definitely straining now, and Maverick really needs to move on from this.

„Is this going to be a problem? I can ask for you to be re-assigned, if that’s what you want.“

„And leave me with yet another mark on my record? No, thank you.“

„There are ways to do this that wouldn’t reflect badly on either of us.“

„I’ll manage. Sir.“

Ice doesn’t bare his teeth at him the way he used to, but Mav is still intimately familiar with the way frustration looks on his face.

„Look, Mav. I didn’t request for you to be here, but I am glad that you are. I would love to fly with you again, and that’s why I need to know that we’re on the same page here.“

„And what page would that be?“

„You are my friend, Mav, and my wingman. I trust you, with my life.“ He draws a deep breath, clenching his fist around the backrest of his chair, a concession to his emotions Mav has never seen him make. (Only heard, guessed at, in an empty locker room back at Miramar.) „But as of today, you are also my direct subordinate. I need you to separate Ice, your friend, from Commander Kazansky, your CO.“

„You give this speech to everyone in your squadron?“

„No?“

„So you trust them to keep things professional, but not me? Jesus Christ, Ice, I’ve been in the Navy as long as you. I clawed my way up from the Reserve to become one of the best aviators the Navy has, and I can guarantee you, while my sheer talent and my irrestible charm has opened me a lot of doors, they would have closed just as quickly if I didn’t learn the importance of keeping my mouth shut, occasionally. I know how this works.“

Under any other circumstances, Mav would tease the hell out of Ice for his stunned expression. In contrast to his usual aloof arrogance, he’s doing the Iceman-equivalent of staring at Mav with his jaw on the floor.

Ice rubs a hand over his face, and sinks into his chair.

„I know,“ he mumbles. „I know that. I didn’t mean to come at you like this, it’s just-- it’s not you, it’s me.“

Ice grimaces the second he says it, and Mav starts laughing despite the tension in the air.

„Real original, Kazansky. Got any more where that came from, or are you going to tell me what’s really going on here?“

Ice hesitates, so Mav adds with a conspiratioral smirk, „Y’know, just as a friend telling a friend his troubles.“

„Did you know I’m the second-youngest officer in the squadron? Third-youngest, now that you’re here. I’ve only served as XO for three months. Commander Rowles was training me up to replace him, eventually, but that was not going to be for another few years.“

„You think you’re not qualified for the job?“

„What? No, of course I’m qualified.“

Mav can’t help the snort that escapes him, and immediately shrinks under Ice’s glare.

„You disgreeing, Mitchell?“

„No, no, not at all, it’s just-- I forgot how fucking arrogant you can be.“

„It’s not arrogance if--

„If you’ve got the skill to back it up, yes, I’m aware, it’s basically my life motto. So if you’re qualified, and you presumably want the job, what’s got your panties in a twist? Not to inflate your ego even more than it already is, but you’re a natural leader. Most of our class fell in line behind you after day one, and let me tell you, that’s not how it usually works.“

At least that’s what Viper told him when after the first week of training the class had been clearly split into three groups who were constantly antagonizing each other. Apparently, theirs was the only group in years that hadn’t needed any more than the initial speech about teamwork to cooperate in any combination. Well, almost any combination.

„Except for you.“

„Except for me, but I respected you, even if your by-the-book flying annoyed the hell out of me. Honestly never thought it possible to be as good as you are without stretching the rules a little.“

„And yet, orthodox flying wouldn’t have gotten me or anyone else out of a confrontation with five MiGs alive.“

Mav blinks, once. „Careful, Kazansky, that almost sounded like a concession to my superior skills.“

„Imagination has always been your greatest strength.“

Tone, lock, hit. Mav cracks up, bending over from the force of his laughter, before collapsing into the visitor’s chair. Ice’s face is doing something strange, caught half-way between amusement and something far, far softer that Maverick carefully catalogues, but doesn’t point out.

„You’re still dodging my question. You’re qualified, you’re a good leader, if a little young. So what?“

Ice sighs. „I need them to respect me. Not just as a fellow aviator, but as their CO.“

Mav frowns. „Do they not? I’m sure your CO wouldn’t have picked you as a XO if they didn’t.“

„They do.“

„So, what? Come on, Ice, just spit it out.“

„How can I demand respect and subordination from aviators older and more experienced than me, if I can’t earn it from my peers and juniors?“

„Oh.“

„Yes.“

„To be entirely clear, am I your peer or your junior in this scenario?“

„Maverick.“

„Because depending on the answer I might take you up on that re-assignment offer.“

„Mav.“

„I’m kidding. What do you need from me?“

„I need you to pay me the same respect you would any other commanding officer.“

„Done. Although I’d like to point out that I’m not exactly known for my polite and respectful conduct.“

Ice pinches the bridge of his nose. Mav is getting more expressions out of him in this conversation than he’d seen in the weeks they spent getting on each other’s nerves at Miramar.

„I’m aware. That’s why we’re having this conversation in the first place. Just-- I don’t know, reign it in a little? At least for the first few weeks, especially around the rookie. I don’t want him to get any wrong impressions about me.“

„What, that you’re not just ‚ice-cold, no mistakes‘?“

„Ideally, yes.“

„Why?“ Mav wishes he could take the question back the second it’s out of his mouth. He’ll need to work on his impulse control, if he doesn’t want Ice to kick him off the squad within 48 hours.

Ice looks just as taken aback, so Mav starts back-pedalling.

„Nevermind. Forget I asked.“ There could be any number of reasons for Ice being the way he is, and none of them are Mav’s business.

He rises out of his chair and salutes. „Commander.“

Thankfully, Ice gets the message, and stands up.

„My XO is expecting you in the mess hall. He will show you around, introduce you to the squad, and answer any additional questions. Report in for the briefing on your first hop at 0700 tomorrow.“

„Yes, sir.“

„I look forward to flying with you, Commander. Dismissed.“

[nayaacknndy]

"as long as i'm here, no one can hurt you."

The sound of the keyboard echoed in the quiet room, the light from the laptop illuminated the face of the man in his late thirties in that dimly lit room, the glasses provided a reflection of the screen as he did the rest of his work, The silence of the night was deafening, but it made his hearing senses sound clearer to be alert.

A sound of the door creaking was heard, making him turn towards the source of the sound, thinking it was his wife, but it turned out to be just their cat, it meowed softly, approached him and climbed onto his table.

"There, buddy." He stroked its head, making the cat purr, but soon after, the cat meowed, looking at him with its gray eyes.

Leon didn't really understand or realize that look, until he heard the sound of breaking glass, making him jolted and immediately rushed out of his study, ran down the stairs in a hurry, and saw her there, his wife, one hand gripping the edge of the table, and the other touching her face.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, babe." As soon as Leon pulled her into his arms, he could feel Noah's body shaking, her skin felt cold, he could already guess what she was feeling right now. Anxiety and possibility of PTSD.

Ignoring the broken glass to calm her down first, their cat who had been following Leon now climbed onto the dining table, sitting quietly watching them as if it had previously told him something was wrong with her.

"It's okay... I'm here now, always be right here with you." Leon kept trying to calm him down. While Noah remained silent, as if her emotions were struggling inside her head.

The warmth of Leon's body warmed her body and heart, making her lower her own ego, with hands still trembling and hesitant, she returned Leon's hug, burying her face in Leon's chest. Leon stroked her hair, while his hands were still tightly hugging her.

Leon cupped Noah's face, staring into the red and amber irises he admired. "I'll clean up the broken glass and let you have your hot chocolate, just wait a minute for me, okay, honey?" Leon smiled, giving Noah a small peck on her cheeks.

Leon did his job, cleaning up the glass shards and wrapping them safely for disposal, then made Noah the drink she wanted. Meanwhile, Noah, who was watching Leon silently, felt a soft touch on her shoulder, turning her head to see their black cat trying to get her attention by gently rubbing its paw on her cheek too, so Noah carried the cat in her arms, her expression was still hard to read, as if Noah herself was still confused about how she should react.

Some time later Leon finished making Noah hot chocolate, leading Noah to their bedroom as a comfortable place for Noah to calm down. Once inside, Leon closed the door softly, leading Noah to sit on the bed after which he put down the mug of hot chocolate, stroked Noah's cheek to keep trying to calm her down while Leon sat beside Noah, holding her hand in an attempt to let her know that she was not alone.

"You're not going to keep silent, are you?" Leon asked, his eyes still glued to her face while Noah looked pensive as she held the cat who kept looking at her face too. "You sometimes forget my duties as a husband."

Those words managed to make Noah turn her head towards Leon, a little confused look, a warm smile on Leon's face indicated that Noah didn't need to hide herself anymore, telling her that it was okay to involve him, it's okay to be herself around him.

The dark and dead gaze told him that Leon was right, the gaze that had no sparkle made his heart ache, with a faint smile of understanding, Leon shifted to adjust his position on the bed, pulling Noah into his arms as he half leaned against the headboard.

"Leon." Noah called, his voice soft, Leon hums softly, letting her know that Leon was listening.

"Am I Lycus?"

"No, you're Noah." Leon said, stroking her hair, his lips kissing the top of Noah's head, the woman did not take her hands off the cat. "You're still Noah to me though you're as strong as a goddess."

"You are stronger than you think, though you feel fragile." Leon said, his voice and breath were enough to calm Noah down at this moment.

"I am weak–"

"No, you're not, darling." Noah was silent, letting Leon's words sink in, her expression starting to weaken, but she didn't cry, her heart was pounding and her body felt hot and cold again.

"they said–"

"Mhm, not them." Leon cut her off, not letting Noah belittle herself. "You are special, you are strong, don't deny that."

Biting her lower lip, Noah took her hands off the cat to circle Leon's waist, closing her eyes, letting her ears rest on Leon's chest to listen to his heartbeat, making her calm down slowly.

Slowly, the images of her past faded back into Leon's arms, the burden on her shoulders fell off instantly, allowing her to surrender to Leon's love, allowing Leon to see her fragile side, allowing herself to be vulnerable in front of Leon, her husband.

His kisses, his voice, his breath, his heartbeat soothed her soul, makes her want to leave everything just to be near him, to feel the warmth that soothes her.

"As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you." Leon said, resting his cheek on the top of Noah's head once his woman had finally fallen asleep, followed by their cat who also seemed to calm down when it saw Noah getting better, lying between them.

"It's okay... Noah, don't worry, i'll be right here when you need it."

"Don't pretend to be strong in front of me when you're not, you are allowed to be weak in front of me, I love you for who you are and however you are."

—a/n : lmk if I misspell something, English is not my native language—

i bring a fanfic from oc x canon that i have (Lyceon is the ship name), im posting it here cuz usually on Insta, well... let's just say Insta hates me for typing long like this lol. so hope you like what i wrote, im not that good at writing, and made this in a hurry because it was already midnight, i'll revise this if there is something wrong :3

[justanothermemestrider]

Nothing Ever Stays Dead - An Epilogue

I couldn't help myself. I had to write out what life post-NESD looks like for our main couple- a snap shot of what they're doing, where their state of mind is at and what their relationship looks like right now.

If you need a refresher or to read the main story, the masterlist is here.

So, hope you guys enjoy this one. And also, thanks to @nereidof40k for letting me borrow her oc Mirian for a quick mention near the end :)

Ellicent holds the offending pieces of steel together in her left, prosthetic hand. In her right, a plasma welder hisses and spits. She reaches up, bringing the tip of the flame to the crack that's almost split the armoured plate in two. It's a piece of a Rhino's tread armour-- the Astartes go-to armoured vehicle. It's supposed to be painted Ultramarine blue, but with the damage it has sustained, it's stripped all the way down to the steel.

Blue sparks burst from where the plasma cutter touches the metal. It stings her eyes despite the protective goggles she's wearing. But through the smoke, she can see it's working. Under the impossible heat of the plasma, the severed edges of the split start to melt. Ellicent clenches her left fist, digging the ceramite-tipped nails into either side of the armoured plate and dragging them closer together. The melting metal meets in the middle, filling the gap. Ellicent allows herself a self-satisfied smile. Almost done, now. Just a little-

A bolt of pain spikes through her left shoulder. For half a second, her entire bionic arm goes limp.

"Shit!" Ellicent hisses. She kills the plasma welder, drops it to the floor, hurries to catch the plate with her other hand. But it's too late. With a deafening clang, the plate clatters against the floor. The crack down its centre reopens. Molten ceramite dribbles from it like liquid magma. Tearing off her goggles, Ellicent clutches her bionic arm. The nerves are still twinging, making the fingers twitch and jerk. Ellicent glares at it in loathing. She swears that the thing glares right back at her.

"Is all well over there, Ellicent?" a soft. vox modulated voice implores from behind her. "That was quite the bang."

Ellicent winces. Rising to her feet, she turns in the direction of the voice. "Yes, Galeo, I'm okay. Sorry for the... the disturbance."

The Magos looks at her through spherical, turquoise eye lenses embedded within a bronze face plate. It looks like a mask- completely devoid of emotion or expression. His voice, however, has a warm soft-spokenness that reminds Ellicent an awful lot of her beloved late father.

"There's nothing to forgive," he says. "From what I can see, you are not even at fault."

At first, Ellicent doesn't understand. Then, with one, skeletal hand, Galeo points at her limp left arm. As if on cue, the bionic spasms, sending another lance of agony streaking through her shoulder. Ellicent grimaces. But it isn't only from pain.

"Yeah," is all she manages to reply.

Galeo glides over to her, his robe rippling as the scores of robotic legs beneath them scuttle along. Another pair of robotic limbs protrude from his shoulders, tipped with various blades, claws and other such mechanical instruments. These unfurl as Galeo reaches Ellicent's side.

"May I?" he asks, nodding towards her prosthetic.

Wordlessly, Ellicent nods, releasing her right hand and dropping it to her side.

Galeo stoops down to her level and gently takes her arm in both hands. He holds the limb out, and the robotic arms atop his shoulders extend their manipulator claws. They grasp Ellicent's arm by the bicep and elbow. In a flurry of tiny, mechanised movements, they strip away the outer plates and begin working on the synthetic muscle beneath. Weaving, reweaving, detangling and reconnecting. Ellicent grits her teeth a little. Vaguely it feels like a dozen ants are tugging on her nerve endings. Not painful, but not pleasant, either.

"Ah, I see the issue," Galeo says.

"Let me guess," says Ellicent. "It's rejecting me."

"So to speak," the tech priest admits. "It seems the bionic's machine-spirit is... cautious of those within the xenos implants."

His careful choice of wording makes Ellicent smirk. It also fills her stomach with stones. "Cautious?" she says. "More like disgusted."

"I detect no such sentiments from this spirit. Rather I detect intimidation. Suspicion."

Ellicent looks at the ground pensively. "Same, same," she mutters.

The servos in Galeo's neck squeak as he turns his head to look at her. "Semantics aside," he says. "It is a problem I believed I had solved with this latest prosthetic. But, clearly, I was mistaken. A long term conundrum to be sure. But in the short term, it is an easy, albeit temporary, fix."

The nerves in her arm give a final, uncomfortable twinge. Then, as efficiently as they'd stripped them, Galeo's robotic arms reassemble her prosthetic's outer plating and screw it back into place. Once they've retracted out of the away, Ellicent clenches her fist and gives the elbow and shoulder joints a good flex.

"How does it feel now?" Galeo asks.

Ellicent opens her palm. Touches each finger to her thumb, one at a time. "Still a little stiff," she admits. "But it's always like that after it's been rewired. Should go away on its own; it usually does." She gives him a smile. "But other than that, it's perfect. Thank you."

"That's quite alright," Galeo says warmly. "And before you remark on it, do not worry about the mess. I'll have a servitor or two tend to it."

Ellicent's smile turns sheepish. "Thanks," she murmurs.

"Magos Galeo!"

Both Ellicent and the Magos turn around.

From the main entrance of the engineering chamber, almost too tall to fit through the doorway, approaches a broad figure clad in crisp white robes. His dark hair is shaved around the temples and grown into a short, well-kept mop on the top of his head. He's got the square, rugged face that all space marines have, though there's a kindly softness around his eyes that makes him stand out from many of his brothers.

"Greetings, Captain Ventris," Galeo says. "It has been a long time."

"I was hoping I'd find you here. I've something I need to discuss with you." Uriel Ventris' is cordial, but serious. When he sees Ellicent, however, he offers a smile. "Ellicent! How good to see you again."

Ellicent returns his smile. She hasn't known Ventris very long- hardly longer than a week, in fact. But that time has been more than enough for her decide that Ventris is, as they say, one of the good ones.

"Cap'n," she greets him with a casual half-salute. "Good to see you, too."

"Fortuitous, as well; I was hoping to find you here, too."

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yes." Ventris' smile turns coy. It's an odd expression to see on a space marine, but somehow, he manages to pull it off. "I wanted to pass on that your sergeant is looking for you."

Suddenly, all of that sinking weight in Ellicent’s gut from before evaporates. "That so, huh?"

"Indeed it is," Ventris replies. "He'd have come himself, but he was stuck in a debriefing with the Chaplain. It should be wrapping up by now, though. If you head up to the situation room now, you'll probably catch him on his way out."

Ellicent looks at Galeo expectantly. The tech priest inclines his head in affirmation. "The other enginseers can finish things here," he says. "You are dismissed."

"Thank you," Ellicent says. Then, to Ventris. "Really was good seeing you again, Uriel. Take care of yourself, yeah?"

"I shall try," the captain replies with a chuckle. "As unto you."

With that, Ellicent leaves the two men to it. Headed down the corridor, bound for the nearest elevator.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The situation room is on one of the centre most levels. Oval shaped with chamber-like walls and decorated ceiling, it has enough space to hold an entire company of space marines while still having room left over for seating and pict-projectors. At least that's what Gadriel has told her; Ellicent herself has never been inside. She's never been allowed. But she knows the way well enough. And after only two wrong turns, she finds herself standing before the enormous, automatic doors, currently sealed shut from the inside in the name of confidentiality. Ellicent takes up a spot on the wall beside them. Sliding down to sit of the floor, extending her necronian leg out in front of her. She thanks the Emperor everyday that she'd been allowed to keep it. The memory of her arm's failures- both today's and the dozens that have come before- are painfully fresh in her mind. She isn't sure if she could cope with a broken malfunctioning leg, too; she'd barely even be able to walk.

But it's not just that.

Absently, Ellicent holds her left hand in her right. It's larger that her necronian hand had been; the fingers are thicker, the edges of its metal more jagged. Each its fingertips are encased in ceramite, which is sharpened to points as sharp as talons. It's a monsterous looking thing, really. More similar in appearance to a torture device than a protesthetic limb. How surprising, then, that a device as fearsome as this is utterly repulsed by the machine spirits within Ellicent's body.

Or is it?

The rumble of the doors beside her opening distracts her from her spiralling thoughts. She gets to her feet just as the first of the space marines are leaving the room. There are nine in total. Six of whom, Ellicent recognises as being from squad Talasa- the same Astartes who'd rescued her, Gadriel and Titus from the Drukhari ship Dark Star, almost two weeks ago. They acknowledge Ellicent with curt, yet cordial nods. She returns the gestures in kind.

Chairon passes through next. The moment he spots Ellicent, his face breaks out into a grin. "Well, well, well. If it isn't the Lady Gadriel herself," he says. "What a pleasant sight to end a brief upon."

Ellicent bows her head in an exaggerated curtsy that borders on facetiousness. "Oh, my Lord Chairon, you flatter me so!"

Chairon chuckles. Already, she can see his retort sitting on his lips, but before he can open his mouth, he is pushed aside by someone at his back. "That's enough out of you. Remember to whom you're speaking."

Gadriel's tone is clipped, almost snappy. Standing beside Chairon now, his pretty, delicate features are prickly with irritation. Too much so to have been caused only by his brother's remarks.

"Easy, darling," Ellicent says, using the same tone she might if she were calming an agitated dog. "It's only banter." Walking up to him, she wraps both arms around his forearm. "Everyone here knows I only have eyes for you."

The bravado drains from Gadriel's face. Colour creeps up his neck to colour his cheeks, his silver hair and dull-coloured robes making it stand out all the more. Ellicent exchanges amused glances with Chairon. The other ultramarine gives her a little wave. "I'll see you two around, then," he says before taking his leave. Ellicent returns his wave, while Gadriel simply watch him go.

"You weren't actually jealous just now, were you?" Ellicent asks.

Gadriel looks at her sharply. "What? No, of course not."

Ellicent raises a dubious eyebrow. The red in Gadriel's cheeks deepens a little and he looks away with a scowl. "Fine," he murmurs. "But it wasn't... intentional."

"A symptom of some other frustration?"

"That's the one."

Ellicent runs her organic hand up and down his bare forearm, mindful not to disturb the neural ports embedded there. "Wanna talk about it?"

Gadriel sighs. "There's nothing really to say," he admits. "It's just that Throne-damned Chaplain, stirring the proverbial pot without cause or meaning."

"The Chaplain?" Ellicent's heart leaps into her throat.

Seeing it on her face, Gadriel adds hurriedly; "Don't worry, it's nothing to do with us. It's something else. Something that happened between Titus and I, way back during the Avax campaign."

"The Avax campaign..." Ellicent combs her memory. Realisation dawns. "You don't mean that... that thing with the astropath, do you?"

The look on Gadriel’s face is confirmation enough. Ellicent furrows her brow, both concerned and confused. "But why? That was years ago, wasn't it?"

"It was," Gadriel says bitterly. "But even so, the Chaplain hounds me about it. And the strangest part is that he doesn't even seem interested in why I was suspicious of Titus, either. Rather, he demands to know why I am no longer."

"Sounds like he's digging for dirt," Ellicent murmurs.

"That's exactly what it is," Gadriel replies. A line of tension feathers along his smooth, square jaw. "And it grates me like nothing else."

Ellicent bites her lip, but says nothing. Gadriel continues. "Titus doesn't deserve such suspicion. He never has. The only reasons I subjected him to it were my own, personal biases, and I was wrong to fall victim to them. Time and time again, I have explained this to the Chaplain. And still, he continues to press me. Because for whatever reason, he's convinced Titus is guilty of... I don't know. I don't even think he knows. I think that whoreson has some personal slight against the lieutenant, and he's trying to leverage my mistake to... well, as you said, to dig up dirt."

"Doesn't sound like behaviour very becoming of an Astartes chaplain."

Gadriel snorts. "Yes, well. It seems that not even space marines are immune to human pettiness."

Ellicent laughs, but only briefly. And afterwards, her demeanor is serious again. "There's something else though, isn't there?"

Gadriel makes a sound that's part wince, part sigh. She can practically feel the reluctance radiating from him. "Maybe," he says shortly.

Ellicent raises her eyebrows expectantly.

Gadriel sighs again. "I suppose I... I don't enjoy being reminded of it. Of Avax, I mean."

"Titus has forgiven you for it though, right?" Ellicent says.

He smiles pensively. "I don't think he even blamed me for it in the first place. Not even at the time. No, it's not that. It's..." He shakes his head. "I don't know. I just... I'd rather leave such things in the past, if I can. I don't like being reminded of my mistakes."

"I know you don't," Ellicent says gently. "You always were a perfectionist; not just in your actions, but your moral compass, too." Gently, she resumes rubbing his arm. "Always striving to keep it pointed north, no matter how impossible the situation might be."

"Avax wasn't an impossible situation," Gadriel murmurs. "It was my fault. My weakness-"

"Bullshit it was weakness. You were misinformed. You didn't know all the facts, and Titus wasn't exactly forthcoming with them, either, I might add."

"So it was his fault?"

"'Course not," Ellicent says. "He had his reasons at the time. Same as you. It was a shitty situation, and you both did what you felt you had to based on what you both knew. It's as simple as that."

Gadriel stares at the ground. His expression, however, isn't morose. It's thoughtful. He slips his arm out of her grip, putting his hand around her shoulders and gently pulling her into him. Her head comes to rest just below his armpit.

"You're right," he says finally. "I know you're right. Just a matter of actually believing it, now."

Ellicent leans into him, wrapping her arms around his middle. "You will. Just give it time. And if you forget, I'll remind you."

Gadriel chuckles. Against her ear, Ellicent feels the sound reverberating through his rib plate. "How did I ever make it this far without you?"

"From what I know? Through sheer luck and the mercy of the Emperor alone."

Gadriel laughs again. "You wound me, Ellie. You're not wrong, but you wound me nonetheless."

"Lucky they built you so tough, then," Ellicent smiles.

Gadriel squeezes her shoulder. "How about you, my love?" he asks. "The Magos has been good to you, I hope?"

The question is harmless, but Ellicent can hear the threat veiled thinly behind his tone. It makes her chuckle. "Don't worry, Galeo has been fantastic to me. Very respectful with his studies, and very patient in showing me all my new duties."

Gadriel gives a satisfied grunt. "And what about the new arm?"

Now, Ellicent falters. Her chest winds itself into a twisted knot, and she draws her left arm in close to her chest. "Yeah," she says. "Yeah it's... it's okay."

Gadriel pulls her closer to him. She glances up to find him chewing on the inside of his cheek. "Tell me," he says softly. "Is that "okay" as in you're okay? Or "okay" as in you don't want to talk about it yet?"

Ellicent swallows tightly. "The second one," she murmurs.

"I see." Squeezing her shoulder again, he drops to one knee so he is at her eye level. His expression is as gentle as his tone. "What do you need for that to change? Time? Privacy?"

"Second again," she replies. "It's... it's about the eighty percent."

Gadriel understands her meaning right away. "Alright. Head to our quarters, then. I will meet you there."

"You won't just come with?"

He clenches his jaw. Tenderly, he strokes her cheek with his thumb. "Not with the Chaplain and his staff slinking about," he says.

"Ah. Fair enough."

Rising to his full height once more, Gadriel flashes her a small, knowing smile. "I'll see you soon."

Ellicent nods. Still, her stomach feels like it's full of rocks, but the lump in her throat has shrunken a bit. As she parts ways with Gadriel, she clasps the bicep of her left arm. The cold of its metal bites her palm and fingertips. Even after holding it for several minutes, it refuses to warm even a little.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Just as promised, Gadriel is already there when Ellicent arrives at their shared quarters. He's sitting at the head of their bunk, his back resting against the wall. The moment Ellicent steps inside, he's waving her over, ordering her to come and join him. With a soft-spoken laugh, Ellicent kicks off her boots and does just that.

Laying down within his arm, she curls up up against his broad, chiselled chest, draping an arm across his middle and resting her head in the crook of his shoulder. Gadriel's arm loops around her waist. In long, soothing strokes, he caresses her back with one giant hand. "Alright," he says softly. "Now, tell me; what's troubling you, my love?"

Ellicent bites her lip. A reluctant sigh escapes through her nose. "My arm," she finally says. "It had another spasm today. Galeo managed to fix it, but not permenantly."

"Why not?" Gadriel asks.

"'Cause of my implants. The bionics keep rejecting them. No matter how many adjustments Galeo makes or new models he builds, same thing always happens." Ellicent pauses. Fingers of dejection creep into her voice. "They hook up to my body, see all the alien tech inside me, and their spirits just freak."

"Sounds like the Magos' problem, no?"

Ellicent stares at her hand, the one resting on Gadriel's belly. "No," she murmurs. "No. It's... it's me. I'm the problem."

A beat of silence passes. Taut with undeclared sadness. Gadriel breaks it with a soft, gentle question. "Why would you think that?"

"Because it's true," Ellicent says quietly. "Or it feels true, at least. Feels like I'm... tainted. Or damaged. Or... or just plain wrong."

She rambling a little now, letting all the doubts and terrible things her thoughts have spun spill out into the open air. With every one she says, her throat closes over a little more. Tightening her voice and bringing tears to her eyes. Gadriel listens dutifully. But as she goes on, the hand around her waist tightens and she hears his breath hitch. "Forgive me, but I must to stop you there. I can't bear listening to you talk like that any longer."

His tone suggests he's personally offended. Despite herself, it makes Ellicent laugh. "Gadriel-"

"I'm serious, Ellie." He covers the hand she has resting across his middle with his- none other than her prosthetic one- and squeezes it tightly. Even with its imperfect nerves, Ellicent feels it no less potently. "For Terra's sake, you're not tainted or damaged. You're a survivor. You should bear your implants like battle scars; evidence of your overcoming impossible odds with your dignity and humanity intact. That's how I see them. And everyone else who cares for you- the Magos, my brothers- that's how they see them, too."

"The laws of the Imperium might disagree."

"You mean the same laws that believed Demetrian Titus a heretic?"

That makes Ellicent smirk. "Fair point, that."

Tilting his head down, Gadriel plants a long kiss on the crown of her head. "It's more than fair," he whispers. "It's the truth, Ellie. I mean that."

Befoee she has the chance to swallow them, tears are welling in Ellicent’s eyes. An invisible weight has evaporated from her chest, and suddenly her prosthetic doesn't feel so cold and stiff.

She kisses Gadriel lightly on the collarbone, then on the side of his neck. "Thank you," she whispers.

Gadriel pulls her closer. "Anytime," he whispers back.

"You're the best."

"I know."

"You know?"

"Of course; you wouldn't have settled for me if I weren't."

Despite the tears in her eyes, Ellicent can't help but smile. "That was a good save. For a second there, you almost sounded arrogant."

"Who, me? I would never."

Her smile breaks as she starts laughing. From Gadriel's attempt at humour, sure, but more than anything, it's from the sudden, overwhelming release of tension from her body. She hadn't realised how bad it'd been; how tightly insecurity had been clutching her, how frayed anxiety had left her nerves.

And all it had taken to relieve both was a but few moments in Gadriel's arms.

This is why Ellicent loves him. Why, in the moments where she'd lost all hope, she'd drawn strength from him instead. He completes her. He balances her. He fills the gaps in her mind and mends the holes in her heart. And he does it all without even having to try.

Eventually, after her laughter has died away, Ellicent lifts her head gazes up at Gadriel. Even from this angle, he's inhumanly handsome. Another thing she loves about him. "I ran into Ventris earlier. He told me you were looking for me. Needed me for something."

Gadriel's eyes widen slightly, as if only just remembering. "That's right, I did. I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Well, go on then," Ellicent says.

"There's someone I want you to meet. A baseline woman. A kind soul, but a lonely one. She could use a friend like you, and I believe you'd like her a lot, too."

"Oh yeah? What's her name."

A smile colours Gadriel's voice. "Lady Mirian Valerius."

"Valerius? As in House Valerius?!"

"The one and only."

Ellicent gapes at him. The faculty for speech has fled her entirely. "But- how? Why? How did she even-"

Gadriel interrupts her babbling with a chuckle. "It's a long story from what I've heard. But it is also hers to tell."

Ellicent just blinks at him. "I-" she eventually stammers. "Are you sure?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well... You know. Would it be safe? I mean, she's a noblewoman. If she were to learn... what I am-"

"What happened to you, you mean," Gadriel corrects.

Ellicent smiles. In gratitude she nuzzles her face into his neck. "Sorry, what happened to me. If she were to learn of that, what if she... I don't know... told someone? Someone powerful?"

"If I thought she might do that," Gadriel says. "I would never have suggested it."

Ellicent can't disagree with him there. "Alright. I'll try and track her down."

"Thank you." She feels his lips press against the top of her head. "Make sure you tell me how it goes."

Ellicent nods against his chest. "I will."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Taglist: @solspina @beckyninja @egrets-not-regrets @wolf-feathers12 @jaghatai-khock @lemon-russ @moodymisty @hatsubara-8chan @nereidof40k @yanagikou @fyxestroll @yurihasurunbara @lylakoi @passionofthesith @finchly-tintinnabulation @justfreakynothingelse @mooniequeen

[4lexnilsen]

“that’s what it was,  yeah…”   alex absently agrees,  nodding his head and sucking on his still bleeding lip.   a fresh wave of guilt fills his heart and he hears himself saying,   “i think most people are just jealous of you.   you have everything,  helena.”   and it’s no excuse for bullying,  but in a way it is an explanation.   “i can only speak for myself and although i don’t see you as a rich,  entitled brat,  i am very much jealous of what you have.   and i’m not even talking about the money,  that doesn’t mean much to me.”   even though,  it must be nice to never worry about getting a job or wondering how you’re going to pay the rent.   “you were right about me.   i wish i had a dad like yours.   yours wants to give you the world while mine doesn’t even know when my birthday is.”   shoulders shrugging faintly underneath the puffer jacket like it’s no big deal,  eyes flickering back onto the road when they begin to sting.   “and so people attack your family or your upbringing because they’re jealous,  but believe me,  if given the opportunity,  they’d swap lives with you in a heartbeat.   you’re not a horrible person.”   he glances down at her hand lingering on his skin,  butterflies fluttering in the pit of his belly,  making him simultaneously nauseous and infatuated.      

“is that a hammer?   what were you planning to use it for?”   he laughs dryly,  somewhat amused by the contents of his friend’s pockets but still very much disgusted with himself.   but the mere memory of their very first meeting has his features softening,  a gentle smile tugging at the corners of his lips,  causing the wound to reopen.   not that it bothers him.   he feels so warm and tingly,  confused feelings brewing deep inside.   “you saved my life that day,  i’m not even kidding.”   maybe in a way he’s managed to pay his debt tonight by disarming harry.   “oh,  then i’ll get mine virgin,  too.   i’m not much of a drinker.   i’m actually pretty famous for always bringing a book to the bar.   that’s my thing.”   it’s very kind of her to offer him a ride back home,  but the bar that he has in mind is only a few blocks away from his apartment so there will be no need for that.   “yeah,  of course,”   he agrees,  focusing on driving and turning the radio on so that it can fill the silence between them.   katy perry’s old song is playing,  the one that got away,  and alex finds himself sinking his teeth into his busted lip to keep from getting emotional.   stupid song.   

they circle the block a few times before alex finds an open spot,  right outside the small corner bar that he’s been telling helena about.   its neon sign flickering half-heartedly,  but there are quite a few people inside.   this place is the opposite of that fancy lounge,  its patrons stink of vodka and cigarettes and don’t drive rolls royce,  but maybe that’s exactly what they need.   a change of scenery.   the black mustang pulls in,  barely fitting between two beat-up sedans.   “alright,  here we are,”   he mutters,  cutting the engine and unbuckling his belt before climbing out into the cool night.   he circles the car and opens helena’s door for her,  offering her a hand,  but doubting she’ll be willing to take it.   the air around them smells like wet concrete and distant food trucks,  but at least the hum of traffic has all but faded away.   inside the bar,  it’s warm and dim,  which alex figures works in their favor —   at least no one will ask questions about their faces.   does it look like they were in a domestic brawl?   probably.   he leads his friend over to the wooden bar,  helping her slide into a high stool.   shoulders brushing as he takes a seat beside her.   he orders them a round of some fruity beverages,  virgin.   and when the bartender places two glasses in front of them,  with sugar-dusted rims,  he doesn’t even realize the guy didn’t hear the last part.   there’s rum in their strawberry daiquiris,  but as he takes a sip,  he can’t really tell a difference.   “so…   what a night,  right?”

"i've took a lot of self defense classes and such, but i don't think that was it. i think that was just anger talking, i just had enough of being called a rich entitled bitch. like i'm some horrible person for things out of my control, i can't help who i was born to." another curse word she'll repent for. but remnants of anger are still left soaring through her, when you have been judged for it your entire life you finally realize you're not going to take it so lightly anymore. "no." she answers, she doesn't know who she is. but she's guessing she's someone who frequents the lounge looking for what she got tonight... or was. since she's sure she and alex have ruined their mood.

dumping her pockets of all the tools she had them filled with... screw driver, taser, mini hammer, phone. head turns towards him when his fingers touch her cheek, setting off an unwanted spark to burn beneath her chest. "i do have one." a first-aid kit, that's always a number one thing to have. "ever since you needed a walgreens trip, i've been inspired to keep one." helena would laugh, almost there with the start of a smile at the fond memory, until the said memory fades along with the smile that was just beginning to bloom across her face with ache because that was before everything he said to her tonight that's made her view him as a different person. words are not quickly forgotten, unfortunately. and now everything's tainted. even her favorite memories of him.

"let's go there, then. i'll get mine virgin though." not telling him it's because she's never drunk before, he'll make fun of her for it. "you'll need someone sober to drive you afterwards." she claims, pretending the tears stinging her eyes isn't because of the memories being tainted. blaming it on the cut across her jaw. "watch the road, i'll be okay." fingers gently wrap around his hand, slowly removing it from her face even her touch lingers a little extra longer against his skin before letting go completely.

[fisheito]

THE YAKUEI FANGAME

for those who don't know: there is a yakuei fangame!! for free!!! IN ENGLISH?!?!? that i am about to ramble about!! It's got great art, ForReal writing, and as much humour/😨 as NuCa itself 😊😊 also, (almost) everyone has animal traits. YE,A BOYE!!!!

The estimated playtime is 1.5hrs, but I spent 4 hrs trying to complete everything without a guide;;;;;;

Expectation: i bet it's a short visual novel! a oneshot but in game form? if the creator REALLY went hard with the gameplay, maybe they'd throw in a few choices? to unlock diff dialogue branches? an hour of content at most, probably. maybe fluff about yakuei living their everyday lives and being cute/silly together 😊

Reality: everyone in the clan is here. they are in character. their lives are all intertwined and there IS a plot. there are puzzles. multiple endings. multiple CGs. you will need to think. OOPS! EMOTIONS!! GET WRECKED!!! eiden is, as usual, in a neverending Situation and you WILL feel the effects. this is a full-ass game with mistakes lurking around every corner HOW LONG DID THIS TAKE TO MAKE??!?!?! i.e.,

Keep Reading only if you are ok with SPOILERS.

Before we even reach the title screen, content warnings pop up for: sexual implications, cannibalism, drug abuse and my immediate response is HAHAHAHA! Of course!! can't have a yakumo game without cannibalism or vore in it, amirite??? aaaaaaahhhh cLASSIC yakumo 😙😆 <- i'm having a giggle but not really thinking about it. oh, but i'll be thinking about it in approximately 3 hours. fool.

Come to think of it, I don't think this game has a Log function. If someone finds it, please share the magic keys 😥 i wish i could have read past text... i've accidentally skipped a lot of stuff... oh well. let this be a warning to my future self: USE ALL YOUR SAVE SLOTS! FREQUENTLY! EVERYWHERE!

HALF SNAKE YAKUMO! HALF SNAKE YAKUMO!! HALF SNAKE YAKUMO!!!!!!!!!! *slams my fists on the table*

having yakumo worming/trailing behind eiden is so cute i'm just gonna walk around in circles on the screen while his tail wiggles

this demon king shows up and i immediately wonder if it's the other Eiden. he has the same goofy dramatic energy. please don't kill Other You, eiden... make love, not war.......

edmond as a horse yokai is PERFECT 😭

the way i YELLED when i saw edmond appear!!!!!!!!! i thought this game was just gonna be yakuei. to have MORE characters included?!?!? AMAZING! MORE THAN I COULD ASK FOR!

i really truly wish to disturb the worker in the fields, . please. please let me disturb them

the FEAR i felt when the bartender said his cookie had alcohol in it=--!! I WAS RIGHT THERE WITH EIDEN, SLAPPING THE COOKIE OUT OF YAKUMO'S HAND. NONE FOR YOU. FORBIDDEN

eiden being respectful and constantly saying "I'm not that nosy" in other peoples' houses?? WELL I *AM*!! LET ME INNNNNNNNNNNNN

"It's empty, like my soul." 🤝 we too

looks like i managed to screenshot morb and aster ? i was probably so enamoured with morvay's roundness that i simply had to take a picture. HURRAY FOR FAMILIARS!!!! THEY'RE HERE!!!!!!! and they're bickering, like usual. these sprites are adorable. i stare at morb a while longer.

aster is EVERYONE's landlord. so powerful and cute at the same time. terrifying. i legit laughed tho because really, the writer has SYNCED UP with the nuca wavelength. plot holes? no such thing. everything is explained, but with reasons across the entire spectrum from Logical to Ridiculous 😆

BLADE AS A FLUFFY SOFT PUFFBALL 😭 AND HOW HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND DANTE'S TSUN-NESS . THEYRE SILLY TOGETHTTEHR!!!! blade dressing up as fluffy sphere is so precious… like how he would wear pajamas even though he doesn't need to sleep!!! he wants to look cute and dress up like his friends!! and have fun sleepovers together!!!!!!!!!

In retrospect, this was where i went wrong. At this point, i had ALREADY COMMITTED A GRIEVOUS ERROR. This early in the game, and i'm locked out of the true(?) ending!! WOOPS;;; I thought the game would be straightforward? HAH! Not to a tomfool such as myself!! This was the beginning of Me Making Every Possible Wrong Decision , thus extending my playtime to a time faaar longer than expected 😅. I am not a Gamer. Nor am i genre-savvy. my poor decisions have doomed me to wander through the assets for eternity, trying convoluted tactics that have no effect on the story, while not noticing the IMPORTANT stuff.

What did I do? I chose to accompany morv through the forest. "i don't want morv to be in danger! At least if eiden and yakumo are with him, there'll be less chance of him getting morvnapped!" WRONG! Morvay is perfectly capable of scouting by himself. i should have believed in him more. i shouldn't have tried to smother him with my love. this incubus is older than me, and i should have respected my elder's independence 😣😩

I do not wander deeper into the forest as a result. Straight to rei's we go. Mr. Science Bird sends me out on plant-picking duty, and I think I'm soooOOoo clever by gathering more plants+flowers than I need.

Rei says he only needs 3 of each, BUT THERE ARE MORE THAN 3 HERBS/FLOWERS IN EACH FIELD. Thus, I shall pick MORE than the minimum amount! Maybe it'll be like the Rainy Day event, where the virtualias will be the key to escaping the yokai realm...?? where every person who needs to escape , needs to have their own flower?? so if i gather up enough to save at LEAST yakumo and eiden, and maybe some others who might be trapped.......

WHY IS THERE ONE VIRTUALIA THAT I CAN'T REACH? ?!!?💢💢 (inhales deeply) it's fine. i'm sure the creators wouldn't have designed that so it would be a game breaker. besides, it's not ethical harvesting to take EVERY flower at once. i need to leave some behind so they can regenerate at a healthy rate. don't be greedy!! don't clear-cut the forests for their strange herbs/virtualia resources!!!!! (i later went back to both fields and clear-cut the forest floor of all their strange herbs/virtualia, since i was paranoid and thought i would need a pair of plants for every clan member in the game. i don't know why i thought that. i didn't even know what the plan was afterward. the numbers don't even work out!!!! i just collected EEVERYTHING I COULD REACH . IN CASE OF EMERGENCY. UNPREDICTABLE PLANT EMERGENCY)

got to pet the dog . Top tier game A+++++

I hand over the plants. Rei shoos me out. I panicked when we first finished chatting with rei because SUDDENLY, THERE WAS NO WIGGLY SERPENT BEHIND ME AND I WAS LIKE YAKUMO? YAKUMO WHERE DID YOU GO? YOU DIDN'T WANDER TOO FAR OFF, DID YOU? IF I GO INTO THE FOREST ON MY OWN, WILL EIDEN DIE? IS THIS WHERE IT ALL ENDS? YAKUMOOOOOOOOO WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU oh./ oh, there you are. HI!!!!!!! phew [yakumo and eiden have a cute lil moment by the campfire and i am relaxed, content, just chillin.]

(once again, in retrospect, i should not have been so attached to yakumo. it's good to spend time apart....)

I can't access the forest paths that I missed earlier, so I go ahead with the plot and tell Rei that the food is ready.

At the demon king's castle, i have a grand time investigating all the assets: - Discount statues - that suspicious bookcase (EVERY bookcase in this game became suspicious after I read that restaurant menu. I kept thinking kuya was going to pop out of one. That, or I had to collect 9 bookmarks from 9 separate bookshelves in order to gain the 9 Leaves of Respect kuya holds for eiden, which would somehow ensure a successful escape). - stained glass windows just like in the Nu World event - ominous clock ticking at me - that massive door that WON'T BUDGE? err.... well maybe it'll unlock after I explore the rest of the castle!

I find it a bit strange that the game would include so many clan members, but not quincy or kuya. maybe... they were too powerful to be dragged into a world like this? or they're super elusive and aren't meant to "show up" as obviously as the others??? <- delusional thinking. quincy and kuya ARE supposed to show up. skill issue.😑

So I explore the RIGHT side of the castle. um. and finally the doubts about yakumo are starting to solidify.

Audience: You're kind of slow, aren't you, Fish?

WELL!! i know that the disclaimer at the beginning said that "following yakumo's advice" would not necessarily get you the ending you desire, ., , , , so i knew that yakumo would have his own goals in mind....... but.................idk, i didn't have a reason to go against his decisions so far in the game?? he and eiden haven't been faced with a huge divisive decision so far, right???

Audience: what about "make sure to stay close to me, Mr Eiden"?

yeah.. when he said that, my instinct was to immediately split off from him in the castle but i... never got the option... 😞

anyway. i'm wandering thru the flesh maze in which i check EVERY dead end. i try to INTERACT with every dead end. idk if there are multiple rooms hiding in here. i gotta be thorough (.there were not multiple rooms in there. flesh-scouring chump.)

Only when I'm standing in the yaku-room replica do i give a SEVERE side-eye to yakumo He won't let me check the thing next to the anemones HOW DARE HE STOP ME FROM LOOKING AT SOMETHING. WHAT AR EYOU HIDING. LET ME BE NOSY. I'LL INVESTIGATE WHATEVER I WANT

what are the red anemones for, yakumo. what are they for? WHAT SECRETS ARE YOU HIDING FROM US?!?!?! HIDING THE TRUTH DOESN'T PROTECT US YOU KNOW, TELL US THE TRUUUUUUUUUUTH

After eiden TRIES😒 to investigate everything and i have a giggle at yakumo weakly yet firmly stopping eiden from talking about their roleplay mirror escapade (yakumo. it's just you and eiden in the room.are you only stopping him from speaking because you'll die of embarrassment? come on 🤣), i leave the room... i investigate the out of place knight statue in the main hall... it tells me about the hidden mirror! and i

ENDING 2/3: WHAT THE FUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST HAVING A FLUFFY GOOD TIME DOING FAVOURS FOR FRIENDS AND ADMIRING EVERYONE'S ANIMAL EARS YAKUMO WHAT DID YOU DO WHERE IS EIDEN ARE WE EIDEN? IS EIDNN REAL??????????? YAKUMO SPEAK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA

NOW BEGINS THE TIME OF RELOADING SAVES. REPEATEDLY. AND STARTING ENTIRELY NEW GAMES BECAUSE MY SAVES WERE NOT VERY ORGANISED OR PLACED AT KEY JUNCTURES.

I START COMBING THROUGH *EVERYTHING*. VISITING THE SAME BUILDINGS AFTER EVERY PLOT POINT. TALKING THROUGH THE SAME DIALOGUES AGAIN AND AGAIN. I WILL FIGURE THIS OUT.

Going through the game more carefully makes me realise how many things i missed. This... this is no joke. This game has LAYERS and GrassTheOriginator was noT PLAYING AROUND WHEN IT CAME TO THE DETAILS

FIRST OF ALL!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED LUNCH!!!! HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED LUNCH WITH YAKUMO'S BELOVED GRANDPARENTS?!?! i was positively negligent. how could i have not checked in with granma and granpa at every step of the way to make sure that they knew where we were and that they were both healthy and thriving. i cannot believe i only checked the house ONCE in my 1st playthrough. i missed out on eiden bullying yakumo + yakumo getting flustered + grandma's "youth are so lively♥ haha". HOW DARE I!!!!!

When I GET TO EXPLORE the forest paths i missed last time, Discovering the bed in the woods had me go🌲🌲 AHA!!!!!! YES! i knew something was missing from my first playthru!! i did NOT MEET EVERYONE and we all know eiden's not completely happy until we're with EVERYONE IN THE CLAN

mr quinquin hasn't made his appearance. that elusive beast. i must lure him out. for completion's, sake. for EITO'S TRUEST HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!! *RANSACKS GRANDPARENTS' HOUSE FOR SNACKS*

because i saw that ONE little tree glitter with animal essence, i started suspecting EVERY tree that looked like it

I save scummed for a while to see if approaching the ✨tree at different points would bring out kuya or something. or maybe even the tanuki. something that will help me get the good ending?

(it was probably the tapir. i forgot that the game page on itchio mentioned fanciful capriccio until i got to the true end.. so... Past Me thought kuya was jumping from tree to tree to make me chase him around)

i ended up inspecting EVERY LITTLE TREE I COULD TOUCH

yep, definitely a tree.

GET OUT HERE YOU DAMNED FOX YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I HAVENT MET YET!!! GET YOUR UGLY FACE IN HERE!!! OLD MAN!!! BESTOW UPON ME YOUR REALITY-SHATTERING WISDOM, RIGHT NOW!!!!

Quincy SAID you were lingering around. SHOW YOURSELF!!!!

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT GRAVESTONE IS. IN REI'S YARD…. REI, PLEASE…… THERE ARE TOO MANY SECRETS. IS IT MOM? IS IT THE REAL REI? IS IT SOME RANDOM CORPSE YOU STOLE FOR EXPERIMENTS? PLEASE!! I'M LOST IN THE WEB OF LIES

i love how every time i check rei's shelf, i see a new drug. Bone fixing juice (not a drink)? Pure liquid caffeine (maybe garu got into that…)? fox repellant??? 🤣🤣🤣 only the necessities!!

* crawling out of the dirt, bruised and bleeding, after trying slight differences here and there . to try and figure out the true ending for myself* WAIT… I HAVE ONE LAST THING I MUST TRY… THE HERBS… GIVE REI THE WEIRD LITTLE GIFTS!! THEY'RE LUCKY GIFTS, RIGHT? IT'S NOT BAD TO USE GIFTS LIKE THIS, RIGHT..?!??!?!

YEAAAASSSSSSS!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS YTEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEW PATH! NEW THING! I BROKE THROUGH! THAT'S THE LAST CLAN MEMBER YEAH! YEAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!I MIGHT BE ABLE TO MAKE IT THIS TIME!!!!!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU STUPID OLD FOX!! YOU'RE INFURIATING IN EVERY UNIVERSE!!! IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND (or maybe i'm just bad at this game. maybe everyone else playing this diidn't spend hours Doing EVERYTHING wrong, before FINALLY doing the ONE correct thing 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣) the whole "seeing kuya's expression all blurry" is such a cool image tho i'm like, of course yakumo is fighting it but kuya is stubborn and will still knock at the glass between his purple self and dream-eiden heheheehheeh ominous purple peepaw is here to insult everyone in a plot-expository manner. finally.

Just taking a moment to appreciate yokai birdy rei putting yakumo through the lab assistant wringer. :) destroy him, sweetie.

.approaching yakumo at the campfire afterward. WAIT NO I COULDNT RESIST AND I MADE ANOTHER BAD DECISION BECAUSE OF THE COMPLETIONIST'S URGE

"don't tell hiim", i told myself. if you tell him, that alerts him to kuya's presence, and your new knowledge,, and he's going to DOUBLE DOWN on keeping you captive and i've only gotten 1 ending despite all my random tinkering so I BET YOU THAT THIS IS WHERE THE LAST TWO ENDINGS SPLIT

Brain: DUDE DO NOT TELL HIM Me: But yakumo keeps saying "Please feel free to tell me if anything is bothering you, Mr Eiden." So why wouldn't Mr Eiden tell him about what is bothering him? :< Brain: YOU'RE GONNA BE SO PISSED OFF Me: [tells yakumo anyway] …….timeskip…………. -> yakumo going "i didn't want to do this to you" Me: SAVE FILE????NOW???????!😨 -> ENDING!!! GET EATEN, IDIOT

Me: 😶 Brain: what did i tell you. i told you not to tell him. AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT YOU. YOU FOUND OUT WHWERE THE CANNIBALISM CONTENT WARNING CAME FROM, BECAUSE YOU CANNOT RESIST MAKING STUPID DECISIONS Me: but but but isn't it good to keep the line of communication open? how is it a healthy relationship if eiden keeps secrets from yakumo? wouldn't it be more progressive to tell him the truth of seeing kuya, so he can have time to contemplate his actions-- Brain: YOU IDIOT!! YAKUMO IS NOT IN HIS SANE MIND NOW. OPEN COMMUNICATION IS NOT THE SITUATIONALLY APPROPRIATE MOVE. HE'S BEEN KEEPING THIS WHOLE WORLD'S TRUTH A SECRET FROM YOU,, RIGHT??? SO YOU CAN KEEP A SECRET. SHUT UR M OUTH. Reload your save and pick the right answer for once in your life, PLEASE Me: 😔 ….. ………… ok but what if i DON'T reload from the decision of whether or not to share kuya's presence with yakumo……. AND I JUST RUN FROM HIM *NOW*? THERE HAS TO BE A REASON THERE'S A SAVE POINT THERE, RIGHT? if escape was impossible, they wouldn't give you a checkpoint like that, RIGHT??

Audience: you.. you didn't think about running at ALL? Me: Nope Audience: what, so you just let him get you? Me: Yep. Just stood there. I figured my decisions already sealed my fate. The cutscene was just playing out. Audience: After a save point. Me: Yes, after a save point. Audience: Have you... ever played games like this before? the little adventure rpgs with pixel art? Me: No, but i've seen people play things like Ib and Ao Oni Audience: you need to run- Me: right... you DID need to run in those games Audience: after strategic save points. because there's a chance you might want to RETRY that sequence Me: OH..... Audience: ,if you didn't just. stand perfectly still Me: ... i may have zero survival instincts. please be patient. 😂

Brain: OMFG WHY MUST YOU INSIST ON-- Me: I SWEAR I SWEAR!!!!! I JUST WANNA SEE WHAT HAPPENS. IT PROBABLY WONT CHANGE ANYTHING MAYBE. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RUN TO THE YAKUROOM WE HAVE THE PATH MEMORISED SINCE WE'VE GONE THROUGH IT SO MANY TIMESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

actually. this chase reminds me of something. you remember back on DIK Island and eiden is chasing dante on the beach and if you're foolishly optimistic enough, you can pretend they're surrounded by shoujo bubbles and flowers while they giggle and prance along the shore but reality hits and it's full of claws yeah. Eiden dreaming of a flowery situation while ACTUALLY dealing with something ... a little less peaceful. there's no end to eiden's troubles, huh.

ok. back to it. let's see what's in the yakuroom... ]reads the new description for the anemones[

[hisses in a breath] yikes….///////////.😬 not the "anticipation" yakumo lied about…. uhm, uh,..... maybe i accidentally made it onto the true ending path. maybe it WASn"T about lying to yakumo at the campfire Brain: I am so fed up with you Me: 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 WAIT!!! NOW I'M IN THE ROOM ALONE!! TIME TO READ HIS DIARY AND GO THROUGH ALL THE STUFF HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO CHECK YEAAAAAAAAAAA Brain: all this hiding stuff ,,, feels like... being held captive in an unhealthy relationship, bro Me: you're a bit behind the plotline dude we just narrowly avoided getting devoured like pull-apart bread Brain: fair enough. carry on.

oh…. yakumo…………. baby………………………..😫😢😭😭😭…………………… eiden was so right… indulgence is NOT necessarily the best step… urrgh,, eiden you are so cool and emotionally smart and skilled and i'm so glad you can navigate these messy social waters better than i ever could..!! especially when so much is at stake 😨

wait. why is there a flesh maze in the first place? Audience: it's yakumo's braaaaaaaaain and what are the weird holes?? Audience: yakumo's brain on DRUGS!!!!! we're running around in yakumo's brain on drugs, full of dead ends. Got it!

then we're talking to yakumo in the shifting void: my expression the entire time is EYES BulGING. FACE FROZEN. MOUTH IS :| I AM SO STRESSED

gets reset

SUNUVA ABITCHUOIGFHFHFHFFIEOFDSRDFKOWAPESOI I ANSWERED WRONG, DIDN'T I I DIDN'T MATCH THE RIGHT NAME TO THE RIGHT ACTIVITY i"M GONA FEAUISRHGOIEFRIEOSGPAWEFISPIPDKAESEPFESFAFPGO 8CRAKCS OPEN YAKUMO'S DIARY we're MEMORISING THIS WE ARE EMBEDDING IT INTO OUR LONG TERM MEMORY. LET'S GO COME ON! WE WILL DO THSI!!!!!!!!!!!

Brain: Wait. How did you answer the clan member section wrong Me: um. i. well, i just based it off memory. i didn't think the number of blank spaces meant anything….. Brain: dude. the number of blank spaces SPELL OUT THE NAME OF THE CORRECT PERSON, SO MAYBE THEY MATTER. Me: oh. uhhhh. ahahahaha. well. it's 2AM. we've been at this for a while. i don't think i'm picking up on obvious clues anymore. um...not that i was picking up on them earlier either….. Brain: facepalm faceslap deskpalmdeskface sigH

oh. OH!! ok, so!! trying it again!! eiden moves closer with every right answer, right?! yeah! so! we might be able to reach yakumo if we-- AH SHITE HE DIDN'T MOVE FORWARD FOR THAT ONE

gets reset

OH COME ON!!!!!! YAKUMO!!!!!!! YOUR LOVE IS WAY TOO INTENSE YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE I'M GETTING DELIRIOUS FROM EXHAUSTION I CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS <- will continue doing this until I GET THE ULTIMATE HAPPY ENDING FOR THESE TWO. DON'T CARE IF MY EYES DRY OUT. WE HAVE TO DO THIS TONIGHT

reloads last save YAKUMOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [YELLING INTO THE VOID]]] YAKUMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PSPSPSPSPSPSSPSPSPSPSSS COME HERE SAD SNAKEY THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM! I"LL GET YOU THIS TIME, YOU ACCURSED OVERBEARING SNAKE

i wonder what happened when eiden locked himself in yakumo's room. did that door slamming in yakumo's face wake him up a little? did yakumo regain a bit of sense, like, "OH NO MR EIDEN DOESN'T WANT TO SEE ME... I'VE SCREWED UP..." because i feel like if he really wanted to, he could... idk, phase thru the door or just break it down or something but he didnt

so, does that mean he still respects eiden's agency in that sense? did he immediately deflate when he lost direct sight of eiden? ? ? like one of those predators in a trance where if you remove the target from their sight they just kinda... flop like fhlkjlbbvvvbvrnrmbrbr.

did yakumo immediately start crying and sulking and wallowing like "ohhhhh i'm so horrible how could i have thought of hurting mr eiden i can't believe i was about to vore him i'm so hopeless and terrible and i've screwed it all up and --- etc.etc."

and curled up into a ball and that's where we find him in the void later? he slinks off to some one dead end of the flesh maze and stews in his silent sadness until eiden emerges from the room and finds him...🤔? and tries to talk to him..? oh please oh please let eiden reach yakumo this time ----

Yakumo: Mr. Eiden--

[I IMMEDIATLEY START SCREAMING IN MANIC EXCITEMENT] YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BEAT THE LOOP, BAYBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HE WOKE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA bashing my head repeatedly on my desk at6 the pretty picture AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA :'3 and now i'm smiling… oh…. my heart… they're going to be ok…. yakumo is going to heal…. …… WAIT DID I EVER GET AN OFFICIAL ENDING #3? IS THERE STILL ANOTEHR ENDING?! I HAVE TO GO BACK IN

Brain: you NEED TO GO TO SLEEP

Me: I DON'T NEED SLEEP I NEED YAKUEI ANSWERS goes into an old save ok. what if THIS TIME i DON'T tell yakumo about kuya? ….. ………. OH THE HALLWAY WON'T EVEN LET ME IN. OK 😫 ALRIGHT SO THAT'S NOT AN ENDING BRANCH. but. BUT! THAT MEANS I WAS RIGHT ! Mr Eiden SHOULD feel free to tell yakumo what's bothering him! HAHAHAAH!!!! ONE CORRECT DECISION MADE !!! SUCCESS!!!!! Brain: you could have reloaded a save file where you did something ELSE wrong, you know. it's not like you're actually keeping track of which-- Me: YYou know what. i'm satisfied. i got the good ending after evENTUALLY figuring things out! i played the game!! i did it !!! i can finally check the guide and see what i actually missed. aahhh. what a feeling of accomplishment. my eyes are indeed dry and burning. I REGRET NOTHING!!! I have felt many emotions tonight and i will not forget this Experience…

reads the guide omg i gotta go back in the game and find the extra content THIS IS TOO GOOD TO PASS UP

The first time i tried pulling rei out, i felt so bad that i never tried again because why would i want to hurt rei?? the game dialogue actually changed to include his broken bones, so that means i did substantial damage. rei is delicate!! he doesn't like pain! i will treat him gently!!!!!

If you DON'T treat him gently... Does dream rei get so fed up with Eiden's actions that he slams a book on yakumo's head and ends it all? he's like: no more. no more of this stupid dream pain. you have both found the end of my patience. [BOSS BATTLE CHIME, GAME OVER]

But the guide tells me something happens if i try 5 times. so. [does it]

i was laughuing so hard at the "well, now he's got more broken bones" BUT THEN HE ACTUALLY DIED I OH MY GOD REI I AM SO SO RYRRE SORYRR AHHHH NO I MEAN well, i . what did i think trying to . . . how many bones did i break. what a way to go. under a bookcase because a couple idiots were incapable of learning from their actions (me. I'm the couple idiots). oh… REI I'M LAUGHING BUT CRYING HOW DID THEY THINK OF THIS ENDING. WHOHOW>>??? IT'S . SO RANDOM. BUT SO HILARIOUS BUT ALSO I'M SO MAD AT MYSELF I FOOLED MYSELF INTO THINKING THAT REI WOULD BE FINE AFTER ALL THAT PHYSICAL DAMAGE WHY WOULD I EVEN BELIEVE---😂 I'M CRUSHED (not as crushed as rei AHAHAH OHHHHHH oh now i've made myself sad again)

----------------------------------------------------------- ok. time for the last thing i didn't do?

when the game first told us NOT TO WANDER, lest the knights deem us a threat, i was INTENT on wandering "after i meet aster, i'm gonna wander as much as i like!!! they can't stop me!!!! THE LAW CAN'T KEEP ME DOWN! I'm a REBEL"

i was not a rebel. i thought that daring to interact with the knight's tents AT ALL would count as "wandering". so after leaving aster's tent, i investigated all the other tents, expecting to get in trouble for interacting with the king's stuff. But punishment never came? so i thought i was getting away with something >:3 Haha!!! I wandered successfully! No. i just followed instructions without realising. I needed to NOT visit aster first. that's ACTUAL wandering. let's try that. 😑

HOLD ON I THOUGHT the King would ARREST US for trespassing and , maybe we get executed..? BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT DANTE AND BLADE AND FORCE US INTO TRAINING GIVE US A GUN AND SHOVE US INTO THE CASTLE ON A SPEEDRUN 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

OMG THE AFTER SCENE DID. DID THEY MAKE ASSETS FOR THE BROKEN STUFF TOO OR--- DID IT ALREADY EXIST---- WELL WHATEVER IT'S STILL FUNNY AS HEUEIFJISJIAOIKPAL oh… OH THIS was tHE LAST ENDING uhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I MEAN I GUESS YAKUEI ARE HAPPY IN THIS ONE, TOO but… wow… gee…….. i'm….. i need to do some thinking about all this… and the ramifications…. and… yeah……….. totters off in a daze

[d34dlysinner]

Rejection angst: Andrealphus, Zagan, Foras

Decided to just do these three (since someone gave me these three names to work with so yuh) Andrealphus stood in shock as he let the words that you just spoke sink in. "I... ", he muttered as he started to feel an unfamiliar sadness wash over him. You looked at him in worry as he didn't speak nor react at all. "Andrealphus?", you asked. Your voice ringed in his head. How much he loved to hear your voice. How much he wanted to wake up and come back to that voice that somehow calmed him. "I'm okay.", he said as he gave you a faint smile. "I understand.", he continued. He gave the present he got for you and patted your head as if he wanted to show that he truly was fine. He was fine with your choice. Truly, he wanted you to be happy no matter what. He just hoped it would've been him. He just hoped that it would be you who would like to be a little family with him. He supposed that his dream had to wait a little longer. "I truly wish you happiness.", he said. "Are you fine, Andrealphus-", you wanted to atleast reassure him that he'll be okay, but instead he replied with: "I'm not at this moment... But I'll be okay in the end. I always do." Zagan was speechless. Not that he said much, but this time it truly was him not being able to reply no matter what. He just nodded and handed you the flowers he just bought. Not an emotion on his face present. That's when he opened his mouth and said: "I feel hurt, but... I also know I could never force you to like me when you don't." His deep soft voice broke the silence as you nodded at his words. "I am happy for you. I hope you will be happy for a long time.", he continued. Taking out a few talisman he prepared. "I made these, incase you said, yes. They're just for celebrating, but I do want you to use them with your lover.", he ended his words as he saw no use in keeping those. He bows before guiding you back to the palace where you're safe. Leaving soon after to think by himself. Foras dropped whatever was in his hands. "What?... Who?... How?... When?" He truly wanted to be supportive, but his emotions were taking over. He knows envy too well and at this moment he wanted to do nothing more than just keep you near him to not see your lover again. "Did... I... I'm sorry, I need to go.", he said. He didn't want to show you an ugly side of him. He isn't ashamed of his envy. He never would be, but he didn't want to scare you too. Even now, when he's trying to suppress his emotions, he's still thinking of you. Foras needed to stop himself trying to search whoever it was that managed to capture your heart before he did. He needed time to cry, think, and practice a text so he could talk to you more appropriately. When he talked to you again, three days after the news, he just said what he practiced ending it with: "I... I understand your feelings. Sadly, if I can be honest, I don't think I'll easily be able to get over you... I hope you can forgive me for my actions.", he said as he bowed slightly. You reassured him that you were fine with him. You even expected this sort of reaction from atleast someone in Hades. Foras tried to move away from your touch as you were about to pat him as comfort. But his body couldn't refuse a few more moments with you. "I think you should stop being nice to me for now... I might love you even more and I don't think I'll be able to handle that.", he said as he took a reluctant step back. "I wish you well, MC..."

[ass-fuehrerin]

In[action]

Whether it was a carefully calculated manipulation or pure improvisation in the heat of the moment,

[swaying Gi-hun’s empathy through a real story about his wife was both one of the most brilliant and one of the most terrifying things In-ho ever did or could do to Seong.]

He essentially hung up a Chekhov’s gun — one that would fire straight at Gi-hun the moment the Frontman’s identity might inevitably came to light.

The only question is — how exactly will it wound him?

Hurt Gi-hun, enrage him, throw him into agony — those aren’t the outcomes I fear. They’re the ones I expect. The ones I hope for. With bated breath, I wait and hope that Gi-hun will find the emotional and psychological strength to get enraged, to feel his heart breaking into pieces, and to keep fighting after his still-black-and-white world — where good and evil are relatively clear — shatters into gray. A world where the righteous and the damned, the honest and the deceitful, the heroes and the cowards, the "good" and the "bad" — all people — can evoke the same depth of sympathy. A world where "us" and "them" dissolve into “me” and “them”.

[It’s the same thing nature documentary filmmakers and hosts do to us.]

The poor rabbit, dashing through the snowy forest, fleeing from the fox, tugs at our hearts — right up until the camera shifts focus. And suddenly, we see her — starving, weak, having failed yet another hunt — dragging herself back to the den where her kits, hungry and waiting, now have nothing to eat because the rabbit got away.

The collapse of equally powerful sympathies for both sides creates confusion. A reckoning. But — most terrifying of all — it can lead to emotional burnout. Numbness. You stop rooting for the rabbit or the fox. For a lion or a zebra. For a killer whale or a seal. For a “manager” or a “player”. You become an observer. Like the filmmakers. Like the host. Intervention is pointless — because this is the natural order, the fundamental way of things, and nothing you do will change that. You don’t make the rules, but you don’t have to follow them either — you can step outside their reach and simply watch them play out.

[I’m not afraid of Gi-hun’s explosion. Of his actions. I’m afraid of his numbness.]

Of his inaction — being the only actual action he does. I’m not afraid that, under In-ho’s pressure, under threats to his or his daughter’s lives he might become the next Frontman — I’m afraid he might do it willingly by burning out, going silent, and stepping back. Fading into the shadows. Taking his place in the observation deck.

Because numbness isn’t just apathy. It’s surrender. It’s the quietest, most insidious way a system like this wins — not by forcing its victims into compliance, but by exhausting them into stepping aside. By making them convince themselves it’s futile, inevitable, or simply not their fight anymore — it’s the game they host and watch.

[Maybe it is what happened to In-ho?]

That might be the most tragic part of his story — not being forced into becoming the Frontman, butt choosing it. Maybe not all at once, but step by step, each time convincing himself that resistance was pointless or that survival demanded compromise.

At some point, In-ho must have faced the same breaking point Gi-hun is hurtling toward. He likely told himself, “I’m not the villain. I’m just doing what I have to do.” And then, over time, that self-justification hardened into something worse: acceptance. A point where he no longer needed to justify it at all. Where watching, enforcing, even orchestrating the suffering of others became second nature — because he had long since stopped feeling the weight of it. Because it is the natural order.

Because:

it’s like staring at a finished painting, created by others (and judging by his at-home collection of anthologies of artists works, In-ho clearly has a liking for it) — you didn’t choose the colors, didn’t sketch the outlines, didn’t decide what the final image would look like. You’re a mere observer not daring to smear the paint, disrupt the composition, refuse to be just another stroke in a predetermined masterpiece of cruelty.

If that’s the road — In-ho’s version of it — Gi-hun is at risk of walking, then his numbness wouldn’t just be dangerous — it would be fatal. It would be his first step toward becoming another man in front of those observers. In-ho knows the path Gi-hun is on. Because it once happened to him.

Maybe In-ho isn’t just testing Gi-hun — maybe he’s watching him in a way that’s almost... desperate. A way of asking,

[“What would it have looked like if I had chosen differently?”]

It is controversial, but for In-ho it still might be about witnessing a version of himself who still has a choice. Seeing if someone — anyone — can take the step he never did.

And if Gi-hun — at any stage of the game — makes a different move, not the one In-ho anticipated (I played these games before!1!!1), he would be forced to confront something he buried long ago: that he could have done the same. That he wasn’t as trapped as he convinced himself he was. That he became this way not because he had no other choice — but because he made the one.

And maybe that’s why In-ho plays this game with Gi-hun at all. Not just to manipulate him, not just to prepare him for the inevitable — but to finally, after all these years, see what should have been.

In the hope — just like us — that Gi-hun is this “what if”-version of himself.

[moosesarecute]

Chapter 13: The Shadow to my Flame

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Azriel was having a hard time.

He had, together with Rhys and Cass, explained to Mor and Amren that they had let Ashe not only into the Night Court, but also into Velaris.

When they had started explaining that Ashe was a Vanserra, Mor had become…distant. It didn’t take long for her to get into self-defence mode. He didn’t blame her for that, of course, but he wished they had gone about explaining it in a kinder way.

Amren agreed and had given him and his brothers many disappointed looks afterwards.

Azriel was also doing bad, because he hadn’t seen Ashe in over a week.

Samli and Thord had come up with the idea that Ashe would live with them, to try to not overwhelm her with all the changes. Azriel agreed that it was a good idea, but he hated not being able to help her.

So, he had been sneaking into her room after Thord and Samli had gone into bed to try to talk with her. She had grown quieter for each time he visited, and he got a worse and worse feeling of worry for each time he left.

But for the last week, Ashe hadn’t been in her room when he visited. Azriel took that as a sign she needed space, but he still let his shadows follow her.

They gave him updates about how she every night, snuck off and burned and burned and burned. She never did any harm, unless you count the trees she burned down, but she was growing more and more exhausted for each night.

Azriel had to admit that he was worried about her. Of course he was, she was his mate, he was supposed to worry. But he forced himself to stay away.

That was until his hands started hurting more than usual and his shadows informed him that she had burned her hands badly. They whispered about how she lost control for just a little and how her hands now were full of blisters.

His mind was brought right back to his younger self. He barely managed to pull himself out of his head before he got a panic attack.

Azriel used his worry to first pick up some bandages and cooling cream before he shadow-walked to where the shadows told him his Ashe was.

She was seated leaning against a tree and breathing heavily when he arrived. Her eyes widened just a little when she saw him and then she abruptly stood up. She was shaking and it was visible that she had been crying.

He slowly made his way towards her.

“I brought-”

“Don’t come closer,” she said. He had never heard her voice sounding more panicked. He stopped at her words. “You need to leave.”

Her shaking became worse and Azriel saw how she tightened her hands to try to ease the pain.

“I’m just here to help, Flame,” he answered and took another step towards her. Ashe reacted by taking a step away from him. “I have some cooling cream for your hands.”

She shook her head once more. Tears again begun to flow.

“I’ll hurt you. You have to leave,” her voice sounded even more panicked and urgent.

Hurt him? She could never hurt him.

He furrowed his brows at her words.

“You could never hurt me Ashe. Please, I just want to help you. See!” He held up the cooling cream and bandages. “I know you hurt your hands. These will help you.”

He knew by that terrified look on her face that he wouldn’t get any closer to her that night. He moved slowly as he put the cream and bandages on the ground.

“I’m here for you if you need me Ashe,” he said and he surprised himself when he heard the shakiness in his voice. Was he going to cry? He held the tears in, but he could see how Ashe definitely understood that he was getting emotional. “It will be better eventually.”

He stood straight and was about to move away, when Ashe took a small step towards him. She stopped herself after just one step. She looked terrified about what she had just done, but Azriel got hope.

He looked hopeful at her, waiting for her to make another move.

“I can help you, Ashe,” he said again and slowly lifted his foot to take a step towards her.

“No,” she almost yelled at him. “You can’t help. No one can help. Please, leave. You must leave.”

“Ashe, please-”

“LEAVE!”

One moment the forest was shining in the light from the moon, the next it was lit up by the fire that accidently left Ashe’s hands.

It was a thin, soft flame. It didn’t hurt as it hit Azriel’s hand. He got surprised by it, but it didn’t hurt. It almost felt comforting. It felt like his own shadows, but a little warmer. It wasn’t burning hot like the fire from wood. It was alive and felt safe.

However, Ashe didn’t realize he felt it that way. She looked like she had seen a ghost. That was until she got a little green tint in her cheeks.

She winnowed away before she threw up.

Azriel knew he had fucked up.

He had been in his room at the House of Wind for an hour. His shadows were covering him and the entire room. He wouldn’t be surprised if he learned that they were seeping out into the corridor.

What in the cauldron was he going to do?

He could feel all of Ashe’s terror and guilt. It overwhelmed the mother out of him. He was bawling his eyes out. He couldn’t remember last time he cried that much.

He needed to a plan to help Ashe. Firstly, he needed a plan to make Ashe tell him what she was struggling with. He had spent over an hour trying to come up with something, but the only thing he got was Rhys forcing it out of her brain, which didn’t seem like a good idea for her to trust him, or having his shadows follow her for every second of every day.

But they already did, and he still didn’t know what to do.

A soft knock on his door made his shadows stop covering him. They went to the opposite side of the room and swirled in a big black blob.

“Can I speak to you?”

It was Mor.

He got up from his bed and opened the door for her to come through. Mor’s eyes widened when she saw Azriel’s blood red eyes. He tried to rub the worst out, but it didn’t help much.

They sat down on his bed and Mor begun speaking.

“Rhys explained Ashe’s life. How she had no clue she was a Vanserra. I overreacted and I hurt you by not letting you explain, I’m sorry.”

Two hours ago, Azriel would have appreciated the apology, but right now it felt so insignificant. He had such bigger problems to fix.

He muttered a small thank you and expected Mor to leave. But she didn’t.

“I’m not going to leave you when it is so visible that you have been crying your eyes out. What’s going on?”

He knew she wasn’t going to leave until he told her, so he just started speaking. He always found it hard to explain things, so it took some time, but she eventually understood.

“So she burned you?”

“Yes, but no. It didn’t hurt. It didn’t leave a mark. It was almost soft.”

“But you flinched because you got surprised, and she thinks she hurt you? And then she left before you could explain?”

He only nodded.

“You care a lot about this female, don’t you?” Mor spoke extremely softly.

“She’s my mate.”

Mor looked at him both surprised and happy. None of them had mates. They didn’t even know many mates that actually liked each other, other than Miryam and Drakon.

Azriel felt honoured to have a mate, but at the same time he had never felt so lost in his entire life. He wanted someone to tell him what to do, but no one knew. No one had experienced what he was going through.

“You could explain it to her, you know. Explain it, not with words, but show her that she didn’t hurt you. Her fire is different because you obviously care for her, so show her the difference between her fire and other fire.”

It was the best idea Azriel could hear, so he started working.

Ashe was poisoned by her own mind.

She was a danger to the people around her. Or at least that is what she told herself. For each day, she noticed more and more details that gave away that she was his daughter. And for each detail, she got even more need to shut down her powers.

He flinched.

Ashe saw it every time she closed her eyes. And every time she saw it, she got more motivated to lose her powers.

If she didn’t, she would become him.

That’s how she ended up wandering through the sketchier parts of Velaris. That’s how she met with the drug dealer. And last, that’s how she got hold of the faebane.

Ashe knew it was stupid, she knew it was dangerous and potentially lethal, but if she didn’t do it, she would become lethal.

She started small. Only taking a pinch of the powder and adding it to her water. It tasted earthy and dry, but she got it down. However, she could still use her powers, so a few hours later, she took some more. Relief washed over her together with the nausea when she no longer could use her fire.

Good.

No fire = no danger to others

But then, after a few hours, she could again light her candle. So, she drank some more.

She felt like a thick cloud had laid over her. It held her mind tightly and it was highly uncomfortable. All her limbs felt heavy to move. Even lifting her eyebrows was a struggle. She began to cold sweat and uncontrollably shake, but it meant that she was safer for anybody else.

She looked down at her burned hands. She hadn’t let them heal completely before she started with the faebane. They would leave scars, but she deserved it. Azriel had similar scars, and she had hurt him, so she would experience the same amount of pain.

Samli and Thord were as loving as usual. They gave her food and hugs when she needed it. They asked why she was smelling so earthy but accepted her answer when she told them she had been spending a lot of time outside.

They were visibly worried but listed to her when she said she needed some space.

But she didn’t want space. She wanted to be held and comforted. She wanted someone to explain why the hell her life had taken such a turn and help her to see herself as herself and not him. She wanted to be loved and taken care off, but she was too much of a danger, so she couldn’t let anyone close enough.

She had proven that she wasn’t safe to be around. He had hurt Azriel. She had hurt the person she cared the most about. If she wasn’t safe to Azriel, she wouldn’t be safe to anyone else either.

Azriel had felt the bond growing quieter and quieter. When it got silent for the first time, he was sure Ashe was dead. He had completely lost it. He sent all his shadows to her and was almost on his way when the shadows told him that she was okay and safe.

Azriel was on edge for the rest of the day. He realized, after doing some studying about mating bonds, that he probably just closed her side without realizing it.

But then she didn’t open it. Not for days. Azriel had to admit he was worried. It did help a little when his brothers teased him for being to paranoid, but at the same time he just needed her to tell him that she was okay.

His brothers had been awful. They were only teasing him. Saying that he was whipped or wrapped around her finger. They weren’t wrong. Azriel wished his brothers were lucky enough to have mates, if only just so Azriel could tease them back.

It had been three days after the fire incident when Azriel was finally ready to explain. He had been practicing for three days, but he also wished for Ashe to have some time. He didn’t want to push her. If she told him to leave, he would.

Samli opened the door when he knocked.

“Please, be gentle with her,” she said. “I think she’s doing a lot worse than what she’s letting on.”

He nodded and promised to be gentle. He didn’t think he could ever be something else with her.

He knocked on her bedroom door and she opened after a while.

She had huge undereye circles and she looked exhausted. It felt like someone had stabbed Azriel. He just wanted her to be alright. Tears pressed on his eyes.

Ashe moved and let him into her room.

Azriel remembered laughing when he first saw her huge bed made for Illyrian wings. He had gotten hopeful that maybe one day, he would sleep in it with her. Now, it only felt like it was haunting him.

It looked like it only had been slept in a few times.

“I’m sorry,” Ashe spoke. Cauldron, her voice sounded weak. Azriel turned to look at her and saw that she was even paler than usual. What was going on? “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I-”

“You didn’t,” he started. “You didn’t hurt me. I just got surprised.”

He was about to start the explanation he had been practicing for the last three days, when he smelled it.

He noticed how her sweet smell was sour. How it didn’t give him the comfort it usually did. It only made him anxious.

He stopped and told himself it couldn’t be.

That was until his shadows drew his attention to a small jar that stood on Ashe’s desk.

He moved swiftly towards it and Ashe didn’t even have time to protest before he had opened it and smelled the faebane.

He felt chills going done his body. Had she been poisoning herself?

He looked over to her and she looked even paler than before. Her mouth was open, and she looked like she was trying to explain, but that she couldn’t.

“When did you get this?”

“Three days ago.”

He was going to puke. She had gotten it after she sent fire towards him.

“Was it full?”

“Yes.”

That’s a lot of faebane.

Azriel didn’t even try to hold back his protective instincts.

He dropped the lid back onto the jar and immediately moved back to Ashe. He didn’t let her protest as he embraced her so tightly. He also didn’t bother holding back his tears.

His mate had felt so low, felt so dangerous, that she poisoned herself. For three day. And he hadn’t noticed.

“Never again,” his shadows told him, and he agreed.

“Please, Ashe. I’m not letting you do this anymore. I’m going to help you. You can’t scare me away. I won’t leave you. I don’t care if you tell me to leave, okay? I’m going to stay, and you’ll have to find a way to deal with it. Okay?”

Her shoulders shaking told him that she was crying silently. He soon felt her tears soke his shirt. He only held her tighter.

She drew a breath and said something. But it was so quiet and full of sobs that not even his shadows heard it. He started stroking her hair in a hope it would calm her sobs a little. However, it only made her cry more.

“What did you say?” he whispered into her ear.

“Please, stay.”

Hope filled his heart.

“I’ll stay forever.”

Madja had given her a quite harsh talking to about how stupid she was. And even though Azriel felt the need to protect her from all the harshness of the world, Ashe’s eyes seemed more aware than it had since she got to the Night Court.

Madja had gotten all the poison out, but Ashe would remain weak and sick for a couple of days. She had dressed Ashe’s hands and given her an even bigger supply of cooling cream than earlier.

Azriel had held Ashe’s hand the entire time. He wouldn’t ever want to let go, but if he had wished to do so, he couldn’t. Ashe was holding him so tightly. It was like she was scared he would leave if she let go.

He needed her to know that he wouldn’t leave. Not now, not ever.

Samli and Thord had dinner ready for both of them when they got back from the healers. They apologized that they hadn’t noticed how bad Ashe was doing and then they told them how happy they were no permanent damage had been done.

Ashe only played with her food. She was deep in her thoughts and Azriel hoped she wasn’t spiralling deeper.

After dinner, he carried her up to her room. She had tried to walk, but even walking on the flat floor was too hard for her currently weak body.

Azriel adored having her in his arms, and even though he was overwhelmed and stressed, he couldn’t help but hope that it wouldn’t be the last time he carried her to her bedroom. He only hoped it was because of other reasons.

His shadows helped him lifting the duvet as he laid her down into the bed. She sunk into the mattress and Azriel realized how he loved seeing her relaxed. She was blinking lazily and Azriel had to smile at her.

He tucked her in tightly together with the shadows. It was a high possibility she would experience some fever throughout the night, so he didn’t want her to freeze.

He brushed the hair away from her face and watched how she closed her eyes and then, they stayed closed. He lifted her hand that had been holding his since before they went to the healer, and he kissed it softly.

Azriel then stood up and carefully let go of her hand. He moved quietly to the door when the cutest voice he had ever heard stopped him.

“Where you going?” Ashe asked him. He could hear how tried she was, but some panic still bloomed through her words. When he turned, she had almost sat up in the bed, only leaning down on one of her arms.

“I was going to let you sleep.”

He looked over at her and saw how tears started to fall. He immediately got the intense need to hurt anything that had ever hurt her. He moved over, sat down on the bed and dried some of her tears.

“What’s going on? Are you in pain? Do you need anything?”

She sniffed a little before she spoke.

“You said you would stay.”

Azriel felt relived. She had gotten him to think something was terribly wrong. But he saw how devastated she looked at the thought of being left and realized that to her, him leaving probably was something being terribly wrong.

“I’ll stay, my Flame.”

She nodded seriously and then moved over, picked up the duvet and grabbed his hand once again.

Her seriousness was only displayed as adorable in Azriel’s mind, but he laid down next to her. She then lifted his arm and laid it around her waist before she moved closer and closer to Azriel. He then covered them both with his wing.

Her amber eyes were almost glowing in the night light.

Azriel begun stroking her hair once more and it didn’t take long before she was snoring not so softly.

His mate snored.

Taglist: @tele86 @demon-master-zero @kbear8863 @atluky @mis-lil-red @rcarbo1

Let me know if you want to be added!

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics

[avocadorablepirate]

Beneath The Surface - 3

Pairing: Trafalgar Law x fem!reader

Summary: When memories, buried deep within your sea of emotions, resurface, you’re left to question what lies beneath the surface. Did he truly mean to leave you behind, or was there something more to his silence than you ever understood?

Word Count: 2.5K

Warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of death, OP spoilers, this story follows the Dressrosa arc

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Oh ma gawd this took forever…I apologise for the month long wait, writers block hit pretty hard even though I knew exactly what was supposed to happen 😀

Not gonna lie the ending for this is absolute BS, I was scrambling while also trying to avoid describing one of the Dressrosa scenes in too much detail cause like…why?? I may have also changed a few things cause I couldn’t really remember the Dressrosa arc properly…Anyway, I hope y’all like this and I apologise if I take another month to upload the next part 😬✌️

Back in your quarters, you sat at the edge of your bed, staring at the floor as your mind raced. The pieces didn’t fit together anymore.

What had Law meant when he said Corazon was protecting him?

For years, you had believed Doflamingo’s version of events: Corazon and Law had stolen from him and then sold them out to the Marines. That betrayal had cost the family dearly, leading to the death of Corazon and the branding of Law as a traitor.

But Law’s words had been clear and unyielding.

“Corazon died for me.”

Could it be true?

You didn’t know what to believe. There were suddenly so many missing pieces to the once whole picture. Things you had never questioned before because of what you had been told. What had Corazon stolen? How had Law managed to survive despite his illness?

You remembered when you first came across Law’s wanted poster. The image of his face, despite having aged, still held so many similarities, sending a rush of emotions through you. After all these years - he was still alive. Nausea consumed you, and you had staggered your way to the nearest washroom, your eyes blurring and head spinning as you let out the contents inside your stomach. He was alive, no disease had taken him away…and yet, he never once thought of sending you the smallest of signals that he was fine.

You shook your head, trying to push the spiraling thoughts away. The Law you had known was gone. Whatever had happened back then didn’t matter now. Or at least, it shouldn’t. You had a mission, a purpose under Doflamingo’s guidance, and you couldn’t afford to waver.

But then, why did your chest ache every time you replayed the scene at Greenbit? Why had his voice, calling your name so softly, threatened to undo everything you had built?

You barely had time to collect your thoughts before a knock at your door startled you.

“Yes?” you called out, almost hesitantly.

“You’re needed in Doffy’s office,” came the voice behind the door, followed by retrieving footsteps.

Your stomach tightened, but you nodded to yourself. “I’ll be there.”

xxxx

The walk to Doflamingo’s room was once again long and unpleasant, except this time, with each step, fear built up inside you. You knew what awaited you in his room, you knew who you would find, and you had a dreadful inkling as to what you were being called for.

Outside the door to his office stood Doflamingo, tall and threatening. His expression was a mix of pride and wickedness, and his smile only grew when he saw you approaching.

“Rosie, perfect timing. I have some business to deal with. Tend to him while I’m gone,” said Doflamingo, and all you could do was nod in understanding, too scared that your voice would give away that you were doubting everything you had been told so far.

Once Doflamingo was gone you pushed open the door to his office.

There he was - Law, chained with sea prism cuffs to a concrete seat, blood and bruises spattered all over his body. The sight nearly made you wretch. Yet despite his weakened state, he exuded a quiet defiance, his sharp eyes narrowing as they landed on you.

Silence followed, neither of you saying a word as you stared at each other, your mind unable to form a coherent sentence that would explain everything you were feeling.

“Well,” Law said finally, his voice low and hoarse. “Are you going to kill me, or not?”

His bluntness finally sparked something within you - annoyance. Hands clenching into fists as the memories of his betrayal rose to the surface once more, you mustered a sharp glare. “You deserve this,” you almost spat, voice cold and filled with resentment. “You betrayed all of us.” You betrayed me.

“Is that what he told you?” Law asked, his lips curling into a bitter smile.

You stepped closer, your heart pounding in your chest. “He didn’t have to say anything. Your absence was enough for me to come to that conclusion.”

“I didn’t mean to leave you behind!” Law’s voice was sharper now, his frustration breaking through his defiant facade.

“I didn’t have a choice. Do you think I wanted to leave-“ He stopped, takin a deep breath to compose himself. “You don’t know what really happened.”

“Then tell me,” you nearly shouted, your voice trembling with a mix of anger and something close to desperation. The unanswered questions, along with the doubts that followed, were gnawing at you. You could no longer handle the frustration of being kept in the dark. “Tell me the truth.”

Law’s gaze softened, the fight draining from him as he looked at you. For a moment, he seemed to hesitate, as if deciding whether telling you the truth after all these years was the right decision or not.

“Corazon…it may have seemed that he betrayed everyone, but he was just trying to help,” he started quietly, his gaze dropping to the ground. The name sent a jolt through you, the memories of the night Corazon and Law had disappeared flooding back. Months later you had been told that they had turned against the family, sold them out to the Marines, and in turn Corazon had died while Law had disappeared, likely to survive for only a few more months.

“You’re lying,” you said, shaking your head.

“I’m not,” Law affirmed, a hint of irritation in his tone.

“Corazon saved me. He died protecting me.”

You froze, your mind struggling to process his words. Hadn’t Law escaped long before Doflamingo found Corazon? “No,” you whispered, “Doflamingo said-“

“Doflamingo lied.” Law interrupted, his voice pained, “He killed Corazon, because Corazon chose to protect me instead of him.”

Your breath caught in your throat. You wanted to deny it, to cling to the version of events you had believed for years. But the look in Law’s eyes was unrelenting, filled with a pain that couldn’t be feigned.

“As you know, I was sick,” Law continued, his voice quieter now. “Corazon found a cure for me. But Doflamingo wanted that cure as well…Corazon gave his life so I could live.”

Tears stung your eyes, but you blinked them away, refusing to let them fall, “What would Doflamingo do with a cure that could save you?”

“It was a devil fruit…the user would have the ability to grant immortality to someone else. It could also help me cure my own illness. Corazon and Doflamingo had found out where that devil fruit was, and they both wanted it. When Doflamingo found out that Corazon had already given it to me and was also working with the Marines….he killed him,” Law said, bitterness dripping from his tone.

“Why…why didn’t you ever try to reach out after that?” Your voice cracked, the weight of years of silence crashing down on you. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have left…If I knew you were still alive…I would have found you,” You clenched your fists, feeling the frustration build, your breath shallow. “And maybe, maybe we could have taken down-“ your voice faltered, unable to speak the next few words that sat at the tip of your tongue.

“I thought you’d be safer here.” Law didn’t wait for you to finish, cutting you off. “I thought if no one knew I was alive, he wouldn’t hurt you.”

You let out a bitter laugh, the sound harsh in the silence of the room. “Do I look safe to you? My whole life, this life that I spent believing I was fighting for the right side, has been built on nothing but lies. What happens now when I confront those lies? Do you still think I’ll be safe?”

Law didn’t answer.

“I should kill you,” you said finally, your voice trembling. “That’s what Doflamingo wants.”

Law didn’t flinch. “Then do it,” he said, voice steady.

You scoffed at his nonchalant agreement, hands trembling at your sides. “I’m not going to kill you, Law! Do you think I could!?” You wanted to hate him. You wanted to lash out, to make him pay for the years of pain and betrayal. But deep down, you knew the truth.

You would never be able to turn your back on him.

“Then what are you going to do?” Law asked, his voice rising slightly. “Because if you go back to him, if you keep pretending to believe his lies, he’ll use you until you’re of no use to him. And I-“ He stopped himself, his jaw tightening. “Dead or alive, I can’t watch that happen to you.”

You felt your breath hitch at his words, your heart rate picking up, but you didn’t know what to say. The boy you had promised to help, had become the man who abandoned you and was now your enemy. And yet, the look in his eyes - the way he pleaded with you - told you that that boy and this man were still the same person.

What do I do?

You had spent years convincing yourself that you belonged here, that Doflamingo and the family he created were your home. But now, the cracks in that illusion were beginning to show.

The sound of heavy footsteps echoed down the hallway, shattering the moment. Your blood ran cold, and your heart sank. Turning, you found Doflamingo now leaning against the doorframe, his grin sharp and cruel.

“Well, well,” he said, his voice dripping with mockery. “Are we having a heart-to-heart?”

“Doflamingo,” Law said, his voice low and venomous, trying his best to draw his attention away from you.

“Still defiant, I see,” Doflamingo said, his grin widening. He turned to you, Law’s efforts to keep him away, not working. Your body tensed as he stepped closer and closer. “Y/N, I thought you would have taken care of him by now,” he said, sounding displeased, but there was still a menacing gleam in his eyes. “But I guess watching you do it, will be all the more satisfying.”

“You will do it, won’t you my little Rose?” Doflamingo asked, holding your chin in his hands. From the corner of your eye you could see Law fidget.

“Leave her out of this,” he said, through gritted teeth, pulling at his restraints.

“It’s a shame, really,” Doflamingo said, ignoring Law’s words, but shifting his gaze onto him, “I had such high hopes for you Law. But in the end, you betrayed all of us. Just like my dear brother.”

Law’s jaw tightened, but he said nothing.

“And you know what happened to him,” Doflamingo continued, his voice soft but filled with malice. He turned to you, his grin sharp. “Do it. Show me you’re loyal.”

Your breath caught in your throat as his words sank in.

You looked at Law, your heart pounding. His expression was unreadable, save for the hostile gleam in his eyes, you couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

You inched towards Law, silently praying for some kind of interruption or a protest—anything to suggest that this was all just an elaborate prank. That you could stop, and things would return to the way they once were. Back to those days when you were a child, curled in the corner of a room, crying your eyes out, with a boy beside you, doing his best to offer comfort. Those days had been hard at first, but at least you had him then. At least you had a shred of hope that nothing else could possibly go wrong.

Your prayers were answered. Before you could summon your powers, the room shook with the sound of an explosion. Dust and debris filled the air as one of the walls caved in, the roar of someone’s determined voice spilling into the space.

“DOFLAMINGO!”

From the destruction emerged a man in armour and behind him a boy with a straw hat carrying Viola.

All of a sudden time seemed to move fast and before anyone could react the man in armour ambushed Doflamingo, with one clean move, slicing his head off.

You stood frozen, staring in disbelief. Had he really been defeated so easily? That couldn’t be possible. Not the Donquixote Doflamingo.

In the midst of all the chaos that unfolded soon after, you failed to notice the boy in the straw hat and Viola helping Law out of his cuffs. It was only when you heard voices bickering that you turned to find them.

“Viola…what-what are you doing?” You asked, shocked to see one of the Donquixote officers helping the enemy.

“I’m sorry Y/N, but I could never follow Doflamingo, not after what he did,” she said, not meeting your eye.

What had he done?

Was Doflamingo really that terrible, or was everyone else wrong? How could the man who took you in, gave you food and shelter, and seemed to care for you in his own way, be bad?

“Y/N-ya,” Law’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. He was still restrained, the straw hat boy struggling to figure out which key it was that he needed to unlock the handcuffs.

“Come with us.” Law’s eyes pleaded with you, begging you to follow him.

“I-I…,” you struggled with your words, unable to make sense of anything at this moment.

“Don’t think you can take her from me that easily.”

The room fell silent, the same thought making its way into everyone’s mind. Yet again you found yourself frozen in place. Law’s eyes shifted, the realisation of what was about to transpire, morphing his expression into something akin to fear.

“Kyros!”

Time sped forward once more, yet every moment seemed to unfold in slow motion.

From behind the man named Kyros, Doflamingo appeared. With his leg outstretched he made an attempt to attack, but the straw hat boy quickly moved towards Kyros, pushing the man down just as Doflamingo’s leg swung past them.

That one movement was enough to cut through the walls of the room, the entire building shaking. But the straw hat boy was quick to get back up on his feet, engaging in combat with Doflamingo.

Law took that as his chance. With his hands still cuffed, he attempted to make his way towards you.

“Y/N-ya!” Law yelled, pulling your attention away from Doflamingo.

“We need to-“ He was cut off by the castle shaking once more, making him lose his balance and fall to his feet. He desperately tried to get up, but couldn’t, it was as if the ground itself was holding onto him.

“I already told you Law, you can’t take her away from me.”

You watched stunned, as Pica appeared from the ground, grabbing onto Law and his comrades, and with one swift movement flung them off the building.

“Law!” You yelled, and without a second thought ran towards the edge. You watched as his stunned expression changed to one of distress, as he desperately tried to break free from the sea prism cuffs.

“Y/N-ya run!” he urgently yelled, but the tall figure that loomed over you, told you that it was already too late.

“Rosie,” came the menacing voice, “You’ve disappointed me.”

A moment of silence.

Then threads slowly wrapped around you. You think you screamed. You’re sure you heard Law yell out to you once more.

“Some punishment is in order, don’t you think?”

—————

taglist: @riftmage27 @enigma-of-grand-designs @extremely-ashtridic @crmnic @bluebunny002

[gyudons]

despicable

updates as of 22 oct

Travis Dermott knew that he would draw attention with his actions in the Coyotes’ home opener against the Anaheim Ducks at Mullett Arena on Saturday. The Arizona defenseman just hoped that the spotlight might shine on the issue that he was addressing, not on him.

“You don’t really want to go against rules that are put in place by your employer, but there’s some people who took some positive things from it,” Dermott said. “That’s kind of what I’m looking to impact.

“You want to have everyone feel included and that’s something that I have felt passionate about for a long time in my career. It’s not like I just just jumped on this train. It’s something that I’ve felt has been lacking in the hockey community for a while. I feel like we need supporters of a movement like this; to have everyone feel included and really to beat home the idea that hockey is for everyone.”

“I won’t lie,” said Dermott, who is playing on a one-year, two-way contract. “From the outside, it’s easy to see that I’m putting my career on the line for something. I definitely went through some emotional ups and downs that night, not regretting anything by any means, but I’d love to have maybe done a couple of steps a little different by making sure that everyone was aware of what was going on before I did it.

“I don’t want to put my teammates or my coaches or my GMs or the equipment managers in any kind of bad light when it’s their job to kind of look out for something like this happening. It was definitely something that I did just by myself and was prepared to kind of deal with whatever repercussions the league decides to push towards that. I’m not going to back off and say that this battle is won, but we’re going to find better ways to do it.”

As Dermott noted, LGBTQ+ inclusion is an issue that he has supported for a long time. Without getting into specifics, Dermott said the issue is personal for him because it impacts people close to him.

“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t shed tears about this on multiple occasions,” he said. “So yeah, it’s something I’m definitely very passionate about.

“I’ve met a lot of people that from the outside, it looks like they have everything going right in their life and they have a smile on their face every time they talk to you. But sometimes when we get closer to people and get comfortable enough for them to open up to you, you can see that there’s some pretty dark stuff happening to some good people. It doesn’t take too many times encountering something like that for it to really change someone.

“I’ve been blessed to have some of those opportunities put in front of me to really change my view of what being a good person means; what being a good father and a good example and role model means going forward. You really see how people are hurting and it’s because of a system that maybe no one’s intentionally trying to be malicious about, but until you’ve really had that first-person experience seeing people hurting from it right in front of you, it’s tough to kind of take steps.”

It would be a surprise if the league handed down any sort of punishment. The optics alone would add to the public relations damage that the original ban created. Even so, Dermott reiterated his desire to bring the entire franchise into the fold before he takes similar actions in the future, but he also made it clear that he will not be silenced on the topic.

“It’s not like I’m shutting up and going away,” he said. “I know more questions are going to be coming. We’re just going to be as prepared as we can be to just spread love. That’s the thing. It’s gay pride that we’re talking about, but it could be men’s health. It could be any war. It’s just wanting world peace. Everyone’s got to love each other a little bit more.

“Like my parents said growing up, ‘How awesome would it be to be the guy that people look up to?’ That’s what really hit home when I was a kid, especially from my mom. You want to grow up and be that guy. You want to be the guy that’s having the impact on kids like NHL players had on you. If they had been racist or bigoted, that’s going to have an effect on you.

“With how many eyes are on us, especially with the young kids coming up in the new generation, you want to put as much positive love into their brain as you can. You want them to see that it’s not just being taught or coming from maybe their parents at home. They need to see it in the public eye for it to really make an effect.”

[sttoru]

Omg could we see reader getting jealous of Sukuna having sec with his other concubines? And maybe liek the other concubine rubs it in readers face?

 𝝑𝑒 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒. true form!sukuna x concubine!female reader. angst (no comfort), suggestive \\ smut aspects. size difference. one tiny mention of reader being a crybaby. reader gets called ‘little one, brat’ \\ kuna’s an asshole! not proofread, excuse the grammar. no part 2. wc: 3.3k

you’ve been away from the estate for three days; three days too long for the king of curses. so much had happened while you were away to take some well deserved rest—a small vacation that sukuna had granted you because you needed it.

perhaps that was his first mistake. giving you permission to leave his side ended up being a bad decision. he hates that faint feeling in his chest, the feeling of missing something.

missing someone.

it couldn’t be. sukuna doesn’t have any weaknesses, and yet he can feel his body reacting to that unfamiliar emotion again. all because of you— that one human who always succeeds to occupy his mind.

he couldn’t let himself succumb to it—he’s not going to. sukuna is not going to let a mere human like you deter him from his superior identity that he’s had for decennia. he’s not going to let you have that power over him and his body.

and thus, when you return to the estate, you find yourself being laughed at. you were unpacking your luggage when two concubines stand at your doorway, hiding their evil smiles behind their handheld fans.

they don’t waste a single second and immediately rush to ruin your carefree mood.

“you know, you shouldn’t have returned at all,” the brunette giggles, her laugh sounding like nails scraping against a chalkboard. she looks to the other woman next to her before glancing back at you, “i mean—heh—lord sukuna definitely didn’t seem to mind your absence.”

you figure it’s just another way to get you riled up, so you do your best to ignore them. you put your packed kimonos in your wardrobe as your back faces the two.

yumi, the second concubine, nods along. she knows what she’s about to reveal will get on your nerves. and deserved, if you ask her. they had successfully caught the attention of their king while you were away. for the first time in a good while since your arrival in the estate.

the fact that they managed to spend quality time with sukuna again, is a wonderful first step to your downfall. one that will surely crumble your confidence as his so-called ‘favorite’.

“mhm,” yumi grins as she recalls the memories of her time with sukuna. time spent together that you were unaware of, “lord sukuna definitely didn’t seem to mind your absence when he had me in his bed last night.”

you freeze.

your brows furrow and the corners of your lips twitch. you don’t know if you should believe them—they could’ve lied about it for all you know. although, the voice in the back of your head had already rang the alarms.

guessing by the way they were dying to talk to you the second you came back - which never happens - you realise that they’re probably telling the truth. they’re only telling the truth to agitate you. it’s so painfully obvious, and yet so. . . hurtful.

“what?”

you don’t recall when you’ve choked up. you feel a lump in your throat. it shouldn’t even be there. you promised yourself to not get attached to a monster like sukuna.

so what if he went to bed with his other concubines?

but of course he’ll get pleasure from his other women when you aren’t around. he doesn’t feel any love, he sees it as worthless, so why did you expect him to not indulge himself? he still has his other concubines around for a reason.

you really shouldn’t be surprised by this revelation.

“what do you mean ‘what?’ - you heard me,” yumi shrugs, that cocky smirk still on her face. she’s clearly enjoying your reaction to everything she’s revealing. all the two concubines wanted to get out of this encounter with you, is to break that delusion of yours.

the delusional thought that you’re special to the king of curses—the delusion that sukuna considers you as something more than a toy to emotionally manipulate and play with until he’s tired of you.

“my lord spent all night with me in his chambers until the sun rose,” yumi continues without an ounce of shame. she bites her lip as she remembers the way sukuna had her body positioned on his large bed. for her, it was a dream come true.

though for you, it’s a living nightmare. even if you try to deny the fact that it physically and mentally hurts. there’s a painful twist at your heart—reminding you of the truth.

the truth being that you had truly thought that sukuna wasn’t really a monster of a man. you thought he was a different, more softer person around you.

you should’ve listened to the servants when they told you to not get tricked by sukuna’s special treatment, that he could easily manipulate you and make you do and act as he pleases.

“do you want me to explain it in detail?” yumi crosses her arms over her chest as she looks down at you with a menacing glare. both of the concubines are loving that face you’re making. that face of defeat that you’re attempting to hide from them, “how he held me and pleasured me until i—”

“enough,” you cut them off with your hands clenched into fists. you don’t want to hear another word. you’re already feeling awful; already, not even an hour into your return. you can never catch a break.

you have an urge to throw things around. you already feel stupid, and if you decide to throw a fit, you bet that you’d feel even dumber. you truly do not know why you’re getting this worked up about it.

maybe it’s because of the special treatment. the delusional thoughts you have about your relationship with sukuna. you really thought that you two had something special. an unofficial romantic relationship, perhaps, or something that resembles it.

a secret, unspoken deal where you’re promised his loyalty in exchange for your body and soul.

although, those dreams have been shattered this very instance. you’re once again reminded of the animalistic nature of the being called ryomen sukuna.

he told you clearly that he’d never tie himself to someone, a human no less. devotion to one person? why would he.

“out of the way.”

you push the brunette and her sidekick the other way. you’re going to confront the man yourself. or at least, you’ll try to. you can hear their sick laughs and chuckles fade into the background as you stomp your way towards sukuna’s chambers.

the other concubines seem to have gotten the gist. some peek their heads out of their rooms, grinning at you in victory. seeing your confidence slowly crumble and the realisation kick in - the realisation that your dear lord’s special treatment means absolutely nothing - is a sight for sore eyes to them.

you enter sukuna’s room and close the heavy doors behind you. you swallow the lump down your throat and try your best to look presentable.

no tears, you promise yourself. you’re not going to waste them on something like this.

“oh, it’s you, little one,” the familiar voice calls out. sukuna’s low and husky voice rings from his bed. he’s laid back against the many silky pillows, blowing smoke from his kiseru. he lays there like he doesn’t care about your reappearance at all.

he eyes you up and down, “how was your vacation, hm?”

sukuna asks like it’s the most normal thing to do. it seems like he’s trying to catch up with you, to ask you how you’ve been enjoying your time alone, though it also seems like he couldn’t care less at the same time.

“just absolutely fine, my lord,” you reply with gritted teeth and an obvious hint of sarcasm. there’s also a bitterness to your tone that doesn’t go unnoticed by the pink-haired man. he frowns—this cold greeting is not what he expected nor what he wanted to hear from your mouth. he expected you to at least smile at him like you usually do, but you didn’t.

on top of that, you seemed to be annoyed with him. that unexpected attitude of yours made something inside of him snap. it irritated him somehow; the fact that you’re so comfortable talking to him like that . . . it reminded him of the recent inner conflict he had which you were the cause of.

one of his hands tightens into a fist at his side. his jaw clenches and his eyes narrow into slits. you’re physically in front of him, which means that he’s also about to experience those complicated feelings again. the same ones he tried fleeing from by letting you go on a break, and by physically taking his mind off you.

he did the latter by taking his frustrations out on his other women. the stress that came with the thought of him possibly liking a human, relieved by pure animalistic sex.

that’s exactly what you’re upset about.

there’s an urge inside of sukuna to act normal. to ignore those difficult emotions and just treat you like he usually does. yet, another part of him is trying to protect his sense of superiority by trying to push you away.

there’s a war going on in his mind as he tries to calm himself down. you’ve always had this effect on him and it’s becoming unbearable. he has to show you, no - remind you, that you’re nothing to him. you mean nothing—nothing at all.

he’s the king of curses, you’re but a human. he’ll need to remind himself of that obvious statement as well. he’s got all the power in this situation. not you.

you cannot rule over him or his mind.

“you dare come back with an attitude? tch,” sukuna scoffs, nearly breaking the kiseru with his fingers as they squeeze around the solid material. he’s turning off whatever emotion present in his body. that doesn’t belong there anyway. he won’t care if you cry—he won’t care at all.

you notice the sudden change in sukuna’s tone as well. you’re sure you’re the reason for it. perhaps you crossed a boundary with how sassily you replied to him when he was simply asking you how your vacation went.

“my apologies,” you murmur with a sigh. you try to avoid getting on sukuna’s nerves any further, yet when you remember the words from the concubine, how she implied that sukuna had given her the best night of her life when you were away, you get mad again.

your eyes have a fiery look in them. you don’t want to get worked up. you don’t have the right to. you were warned from the very beginning to not get attached to an asshole like ryomen sukuna.

you’re to blame for feeling like this. it could’ve been prevented if you just weren’t so weak. if you just stayed away from him.

“did you have fun while i was away, my lord?” you continue, your voice shaking a little. you need the confirmation. you’re sure sukuna knows what you’re referring to by now, especially because of the way you’re acting out of character.

the king of curses raises a brow at your question. you sound even angrier, even more pissed off. he tilts his head after taking a deep inhale of the tobacco from his kiseru. he tries to figure out what you’re hinting at, “what are you—”

and that’s when everything fell into place. the dots connect.

sukuna’s jaw clenches. he realises that you’ve found out about him receiving services from his other concubines while you were away. there could be no other explanation behind your sudden attitude. besides, he knows how his other concubines could be. they must have told you the moment you came back.

normally, he’d say that it’s none of your business. what he does is up to him—he does not care about the consequences of his actions. though, seeing the slight hurt in your eyes, mixed with sadness and disappointment stirred something inside of him. he brushes that feeling away and stares at you intently, awaiting another comment. perhaps you’d cuss him out or bawl your eyes out in front of him.

either way, he promises himself that he won’t care.

sukuna is the king of curses. feeling bad for a human like you would only further tarnish his image, that image of superiority and power he has.

he’s a man of many needs. you should’ve kept that in mind when you left him. he wanted to keep you with him—to hold you down and refuse to let you leave—but that would be another sign of weakness. one sukuna could not manage to show.

when you departed, he was irritated by the fact that he had no one to turn to with his needs. from simple needs like wanting your company to sexual needs like craving your body.

keeping you by his side or letting you go; both decisions seem to clash. either way, there’s one thing he’s sure of, as much as he doesn’t want to admit it: he missed you.

sukuna can’t believe that he can feel an emotion like that. he can’t accept that fact. that’s why his irrational mind took over—his dark urges that strived to prove himself to still be the same old ryomen sukuna. the monster that did not need a single soul. the ruthless man that did not depend on anyone else, especially not a human. a woman like you.

he thought he’d forget all about you if he’s surrounded himself with other women. but, he was quick to be proven wrong, and that only caused to enrage him more and more.

every time sukuna fucked a concubine, his thoughts still manage to drift away to you. to how he wished that it was you he was holding.

nothing hit the same with the other women and that frustrated him. he’d keep them around in his room after he fucked their brains out, something he never allowed a woman to do except for you, yet kicked them out again after a few minutes.

it doesn’t hit the same.

you’re just different. your presence is soothing and calming to the chaotic soul of the pink-haired man. no one else could compare. that realisation made him feel inferior; a feeling he loathes.

sukuna’s red eyes glow. he hates seeing you look so defeated, but he cannot give in. if he tells you the truth, he’ll admit his weakness. he’ll admit that a human like you has completely taken over his brain. that’s no good.

if he doesn’t tell you the truth, he’ll save face. he’ll feel like himself again. his old self—the cold ruthless monster that he was before he met you. one without a soft spot for a human.

it’s an active dilemma that’s running through his mind as he slowly blows out another cloud of smoke. you cannot guess what’s going on behind those intimidating eyes staring you down.

sukuna tilts his head back and scratches his neck, smacking his lips as he makes his decision.

“yeah, i did. i had lots of fun.”

the words sting. they hurt you and make your heart ache in a way that makes you physically weak. you should’ve expected that answer. your shoulders tense up and your fingers curl around the material of your kimono—feeling a sense of anger and betrayal.

you can see a ghost of a smirk on sukuna’s lips, which only reminds you of his nature. his nature as an independent, aloof and cold man who likes to play with his prey. a natural disaster that knows no emotion, that shows no mercy to anyone.

you’re naive for thinking that you could be the exception. all of those times with sukuna were confirmed to be but a lie in that moment. as your gazes meet, you can now easily interpret what that look in those red eyes meant.

‘know your place,’

that’s what it means. you’re foolish, dumb. you take a deep breath to compose yourself after you’ve been made out to be a total fool. you should’ve listened to those warnings, you should’ve known that you were getting played.

this is exactly what sukuna desired to achieve. to build up your trust, to make you comfortable enough with him, to think you’re special and that he won’t need any other woman other than you — just to shatter your pathetic delusions when the time comes.

“tsk tsk. no need to look at me like that,” sukuna scoffs, a mocking laugh leaving his lips. he can hear a small voice in the back of his head telling him to shut up and let you go, to not make it worse, but who is he to listen to that irrelevant thought? he can decide for himself.

“y’ weren’t around, so the other concubines simply did their job by serving me,” he stares the other way, seemingly not interested by your presence anymore. his face is as expressionless as ever, “what do y’ think i keep them ‘round for, brat? for decoration purposes? hah, nah.”

another loud mocking laugh makes you nearly burst out in tears. you don’t know if it’s in anger or sadness. you take a deep, shaky breath for the last time. you unclench your fists and nod, accepting the reality check you’d just gotten.

it’s a slap to the face, but it helped you get out of your delusions. the delusions that sukuna is a man capable of loving someone, even if it is just for a tiny bit. this visit confirmed that there’s not an ounce of love or appreciation in that man’s body.

“i’m glad you had fun, my lord,” you answer after a bit of silence. you bow at sukuna in an attempt to stay polite while struggling with that inner turmoil. you don’t even glance up at him anymore. you need another break already.

sukuna isn’t dumb. you may think that you’re good at hiding your emotions, but you’re not. at least not around the king of curses. he’s spent enough time around you to realise that you’re going through a lot right now.

he’s the reason for it, yet he cannot bring himself to feel an ounce of empathy. he just looks at you with a blank stare, thinking that this is for the best.

“good night then,” you add and turn around to walk out of sukuna’s room. your steps are slow as you secretly hope to be called back, like sukuna would do every time you’d leave his room after an intimate night. you just want him to tell you that this was a test of some sort—a cruel joke.

you want to feel like his favorite again. you don’t want to be thrown away like this. you don’t want to be on the same level as all the other concubines. you want to stand out to him.

unfortunately, you don’t hear sukuna’s voice anymore. he lets you walk away without a care in the world. the heavy doors of his chambers close behind you and you feel your knees buckle. “fuck,” you cuss to yourself and clench your chest.

you lean back against the closed doors and try to regain your composure. crying can be done when you’re in your room—not in the hallway where anyone could catch you. you don’t want to give the other concubines more reason to bully you.

you drag your feet across the wooden flooring. all those times with sukuna, all those slight glimpses of his soft side that only you’re allowed to see— all of that is thrown into the trash.

you really shouldn’t have gotten so attached to him on an emotional level.

meanwhile, sukuna is silently sitting on his bed, thinking back to what just happened. he usually never doubts his decisions, but this is an exception. why couldn’t he just tell you the truth?

his mouth had moved before he could let his mind process all that he was feeling. a small part of him regrets it, though strangely, he couldn’t feel any real sympathy for your situation.

sukuna drapes an arm over his eyes, clicking his tongue at himself. he just wants to let the situation go, though his brain isn’t letting him to. the image of you standing at the edge of his bed, clearly hurt by his actions, flashes through his mind again.

he sighs. he’s sure that he’s going to forget about you soon enough. he needed an excuse to get rid of you for the sake of regaining control over his own being and he took the chance. he should be glad that he did—it meant that he’d be his usual self—with no weaknesses to look out for.

sukuna blows out another cloud of smoke through his mouth. as much as he’s proud of himself for not giving in to you, he can’t help but let his thoughts wander again. you’re probably crying in your room. he knows you’re sensitive. you would always cry about the smallest of things and he’d hold you (feigning reluctance) until you’ve calmed down.

he can’t do that now.

well, he can, but he won’t. sukuna has made his decision today: it’s power and status over you. that’s what it’s always been. you were but a toy he used to get a stronger grip on himself.

perhaps he simply is what people make him out to be; a monster. nothing more, nothing less.