#he needs to grow some obvious flaws if he wants me to like him

[taliskermortem]

look i just... dont like mew

[cameronsprincess]

— summary: rafe cameron falls for the preachers daughter.

— warnings: smut! 18+ stalking, manipulation, rafe is obsessed with reader, fingering, hand riding for like a second, unprotected sex, slight breeding kink, praise, oral (male receiving), soft!dom!rafe, innocent!naïve!reader, i think that’s it.

— note: this request was amazing. i love love rafe & innocent!reader, it makes me feel some type of way 🥹 this is kind of a long one, enjoy<3 likes, comments and reblogs are SO appreciated!!

❥ preachers daughter— r.c

Rafe wasn’t sure when his obsession with her started, all he knew was that he wanted her, wanted to ruin her.

He remembers the first time he had ever saw her, it was an early Sunday morning, his father had decided to drag him to Sunday morning service, something Rafe had never imagined himself going to…

… But man, was he glad he did.

He remembered every small detail about her from that morning. She was wearing a long green, floral dress that fell well past her knees, she had a white sweater pulled over her upper half, and a pair of beige strappy heels. Her hair had been done in loose curls, a soft white bow tying it up into a low ponytail, making Rafe blush at the innocence that emitted from her.

The smile that graced her beautiful lips had made Rafe grow painfully hard, having to excuse himself to the restroom to readjust himself.

Rafe had pushed her into the back of his mind though, knowing that a woman like her would never be with a man like him.

She was his polar opposite; pure, kind, without any obvious flaws. Whereas Rafe was impure, violent, and covered in issues from head to toe.. You could thank his father for that.

Rafe knew he didn’t stand a chance, so why, and when, did his obsession with her begin? Why had he caught himself following her around town, watching her every move? Why had he found a way to place a tracking device on her car, his possessive need to know where she was at all times pushing him to do such a crazy thing.

Why had he found himself beating the shit out of any man he’d seen talk to her? Why did he care so much? She didn’t even know he existed, yet, he found himself quite literally stalking her, obsessing over her, vowing to himself that he would protect her at any and all cost.

-

Rafe had continued following her for months before he had finally decided to make his move on her. He’d quickly picked up on her schedule, learned all of her favorite places to shop, eat, where she loved to do her Bible studies.

After six months of constantly following her and learning all he needed to know about her, he had decided it was finally time for him to make his move, make her his.

He was parked outside of the small coffee shop she frequented regularly, watching as she sat at a table, flipping through the pages of her notebook, taking small sips of her coffee order.

He loved that she was completely oblivious of the man who had been watching her for months, in his mind it proved that she did need him in her life, she needed him to take care of her, protect her, teach her to be more aware of her surroundings.

Rafe’s head snaps up when he sees her stand from her spot, gathering her books and pens, pushing her chair in and making her way to the front door.

He quickly hops from his truck, rushing across the street, his plan to make a move being set in motion.

She pushes the door to the coffee shop open, her head hung low as she stepped through the threshold, making it easy for Rafe to step in her way, lightly bumping her and causing her head to snap up.

“Oh, i’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention”

Her face is flushed red, her voice soft, angelic.

The corners of Rafe’s lips quirk up slightly, a small smile on his face as he looks down at her small figure.

“Not a problem, I should have said something. I’m Rafe, and you are?”

He extends his hand out for her to take, to which she quickly complies, placing her small hand in his.

He places a soft kiss to the back of her hand, her breath catching in her throat at the action. She wasn’t sure what to think of the man in front of her, she’d never been greeted like that by anyone.

“I-I’m Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N. It’s nice to meet you, Rafe”

“Y/L/N? As in Pastor Y/L/N?” Rafe asks, his eyebrow quirked up as he played his part well.

She smiles, her eyes sparkling at the mention of her father. He attends her church? Why had she never seen him before now?

“Yeah, that’s my dad! You go to our church?”

Rafe chuckles, an amused smirk laid on his lips, “Yeah, sometimes. My dad started making me go a few months ago, i’m surprised we haven’t run into each other before now”

He feels himself growing painfully hard when he hears the angelic laugh that falls from her pretty mouth, her eyes lit up as she carefully pushes a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Church not really your thing?” She asks, her lower lip brought between her teeth as she smiled up at him.

“Not really, but hey, your father sure knows how to get you into it huh?”

She shifts herself on her feet, readjusting her books in her hands, “Yeah he’s great, he loves what he does”

Rafe notices the large books in her arms, how she continues to shift and adjust them. “Want me to grab those for you?”

She glances down at the books in her arms, and back up at Rafe, his bright blue eyes making butterflies erupt in her stomach, “Uh, sure. Thanks” She smiles, handing him the books and looking toward the ground.

“You wanna ride home?”

She pauses for a moment, her mind drawing a blank as her palms became clammy. Why she was so nervous? She wasn’t sure. Maybe it was because he was making her feel things she knew was wrong, maybe it was because she knew better than to get involved with a man without her father’s permission, but something about him made her want to take the risk, break her own rules.

“Sure, that’d be nice. Thank you”

And just like that, Rafe’s plan was falling into place. He had gotten her attention, gotten her to trust him so easily. He loved how naïve she was, how innocent she was, and as much as he’d love to take it slow with her, he felt he’d taken it slow enough, waiting, watching, protecting her for months, even if she didn’t know it.

He had to have a taste of her, had to break her of her innocence, and he needed to do it now. He needed her to be his, and only his.

-

Everything had began moving quickly, Rafe had driven her to his house instead of hers, his lips finding hers in an instant, pulling her from the passenger seat and into his lap.

She was unconsciously grinding herself over his bulge, her hands running over his buzzed hair, his hands tightly gripping at her hips as his tongue explored her mouth.

Her breathing was ragged, hands trembling as she continued pressing herself into him. She wasn’t sure what she was doing or why, it was wrong, so wrong, but it felt so right.

“Rafe” she tries to speak, her words being swallowed by him. He presses his hand flat against her lower back, pushing her further into him as he continues his assault on her mouth.

She plants her palms on his chest, pushing herself back, her back pressed firmly against his steering wheel.

She runs a hand through her hair, her eyes slightly welled up with tears as she tries to calm her breathing.

“This- This is wrong. We don’t even know each other, we- I’m not supposed to have sex until I’m married, I can’t- We can’t-“

Rafe shushes her softly, his thumb running across her bottom lip as his blue eyes burn into her, “Shh, Shh. It’s okay, angel. There’s nothing wrong with this, trust me?”

She sighs, resting her head on his chest, the tears that had fallen from her eyes soaking the fabric of his shirt.

“I-I trust you, but- But this isn’t right, Rafe”

Rafe runs his hand down her side, placing it on her clothed thigh and squeezing lightly, pulling a small squeal from her lips.

“What isn’t right about it? I can teach you things, make you feel things, I promise you’ll love it”

Rafe had his mind set, he was prepared to break her, and he didn’t want to wait any longer. He knew a girl like her, so innocent, so naïve, was bound to break under the pressure.

He could tell she was curious, curious as to what it felt like to be touched by a man, to give her full self to someone, and he wanted to be that person, he needed to be that person.

He was in too deep with her, too obsessed with her. The way she looked, how angelic her voice was, the way she looked wearing clothes that hid even the most innocent parts of her body from the world. He needed her to be his, she would be his.

“C’mon sweetheart, let’s go upstairs, and I promise i’ll take good care of you. Do you trust me?”

She brings her bottom lip between her teeth, an action that was so innocent to her, but it drove Rafe crazy. He could feel the blood rush to his cock, making him grow uncomfortably hard beneath the fabric of his jeans.

She gasped when she felt his hard-on pressed into her thigh, an amused smirk playing at Rafe’s lips. “You feel that? That’s what you do to me, you’re so beautiful, let me show you just how beautiful you are. You deserve to be touched, to be made feel good. Don’t you want that?”

A simple “okay” was all she could manage to breathe out, her breath hitching in her throat when she felt him place his hands on her ass, gripping at it tightly.

“Okay what sweetheart? I need you to tell me what you want”

“I-I want you to touch me” She says softly, her voice so low it was almost a whisper, but Rafe had heard her clearly.

He quickly shoves his car door open, his free hand gripping tightly below her ass, keeping her tightly wrapped around his torso.

He gently sets her down onto her feet, shutting the truck door and grabbing her hand, pulling her to the front door of his house.

Rafe wastes no time, pulling her inside and locking the front door and dragging her to the spiral staircase that led upstairs.

Once they reached the top he pulls her into his room, shutting and locking the door. His lips instantly find hers again, the feeling of her lips against his pulling a groan from him. Her lips felt like home to him, warm, and safe- Something Rafe had never felt in his entire life.

He wraps his arms around her waist, his lips consuming hers as he pushes her back flush into his bedroom wall. He runs a hand up her side, his fingers pushing the hem of her shirt up, exposing just the slightest bit of flesh to him. He lightly grazes his fingers up the length of her side, his fingertips finding her bra.

He unclasps it in record time, running a hand up her arm and sliding one strap down her shoulder, moving to the other side and copying his actions until the flimsy fabric fell down her chest and onto his bedroom floor.

He pulls his lips from hers, his deep blue gaze on her face. He burns the image of her current state into his mind, her lips swollen and slightly parted, her chest heaving up and down as she tries to steady her breathing. He loved that he was the one who’d made her like this, loved that he was the one who had her craving more of his touch.

“You wanna take your shirt off princess?” He asks her softly, his thumb swiping across her bottom lip, his other arm still tightly wrapped around her waist.

“Y-Yes”

Rafe grins, pulling his arm from her waist and watching as she brings her hands down to the hem of her shirt, pulling it up and over her head, tossing it to the floor. Her cheeks instantly turn a bright shade of pink, her arms flying across her chest to cover herself from him.

He lifts his hands, placing them gently on her arms and pulling them down. “No don’t hide princess, you want me to see you. And you’re so beautiful”

She nods her head slowly, letting her arms fall to her sides. She felt her entire body heat up under Rafe’s stare, his eyes erratically scanning across her chest.

He swipes his tongue across his bottom lip, bringing his hands up to softly cup her bare breasts in his palms.

“Such a pretty girl, aren’t you?”

He begins softly massaging her breasts in his hands, his fingers finding her nipples, pinching and pulling at them. He loved the expression that took over her face when he began playing with her sensitive buds, her lips parted, eyes squeezed shut as she panted.

“Doesn’t that feel good, baby?”

“Y-Yes. Feels- Feels so good, Rafe”

Rafe hums in appreciation, dipping his head down to lick a stripe across both her breasts. She gasps loudly, her head falling back against the wall when he wraps his lips around one of the buds, sucking on it lightly before switching to the other side.

Her hands fly to the back of his head, nails lightly scratching through his buzzed hair. She lets soft moans fall from her lips, and Rafe swore he’d never heard anything so beautiful, so angelic. She was going to be the death of him.

He lets his hands fall, finding her waist and lightly tapping at her thigh, “Jump” he instructs, and she’s quick to obey, straddling him instantly.

Rafe carries her to his bed, letting her fall onto the soft mattress with a soft thud.

He climbs himself on top of her, his arms caging her into the bed. He steadies himself with one hand flat on the mattress, his free hand running up her side, a trail of goosebumps left behind on her skin from his fingertips. He cups her cheek softly, lightly rubbing his thumb across it.

“You want me to take your jeans off? Make you feel good?” Rafe asks, but he gives her no time to answer, his hand being removed from her cheek and finding the button on her jeans.

He swiftly undoes the button, pulling her zipper down slowly before he begins sliding the denim fabric down her legs.

Rafe sucks in a sharp breath when he sees her lacy white panties, an innocent girl like her wearing something like this?

“Fuck”

She blushes at his vulgar words, her breathing shaky as his fingers play with the waistband of her panties.

She lets out a shaky breath when his fingers push down into the front of her underwear, his fingers brushing against her clit, making her hips buck forward from the sensation.

“Rafe” She breathes out, her fingers tightly gripping at his bedding.

“You okay sweetheart?”

“We- We shouldn’t, oh!”

She tries to protest, tries to keep her faith and do as she knows she’s supposed to, but Rafe wasn’t having it. He runs his middle finger through her slick folds, pulling his hand from inside her panties and shoving the digit in his mouth.

He hums in appreciation, the taste of her on his tongue making the blood rush to his already painfully hard and throbbing cock.

“You’re so wet, so sweet. You know this is what you want, isn’t it baby?”

She feels the tears welling up in her eyes, letting a few stray tears fall. Did she want this? She didn’t understand what she was feeling, why she was aroused. She’d never felt like this before. Rafe had her mind racing, she did want this, she knew it was wrong, knew her father would be so disappointed in her, but why deny herself of this feeling when it felt right? Felt good.

She nods her head in response, pulling a small smile from Rafe’s lips. He tugs at her panties, pulling them down her legs and shoving them into the back pocket of his jeans.

He cups her bare cunt, his palm pressing firmly against her clit, making her whimper and squirm beneath his touch.

“You can move baby, make yourself feel good”

She whimpers, moving her hips and grinding herself against his hand. Rafe takes his free hand, his ringed fingers pressing into her thigh as he held her open for him. He removes his hand from her pussy, running a finger through her slick again, gathering her arousal on the digit before he slowly pushes it into her.

“Oh, Oh God!” She cries out, her back arching off the bed, pushing his finger further into her.

“God isn’t here sweetheart, it’s just you and me”

He begins slowly pushing his finger in and out of her soaked core, her velvety walls clenching around his finger. He curls his finger, hitting a spot inside her that had her toes curling.

“I-I, Oh Rafe”

Rafe smirks, adding another finger inside her. He quickens his pace, pushing them in and out harshly. She’s a whimpering mess, her orgasm so close he could feel it from how she was clenching around him.

“You can cum, it’s okay sweetheart, let it out”

She feels a burn between her legs, her belly growing tight as a feeling she’d never felt washes over her. She’s trembling beneath him, legs shaking, fists tightly wrapped around the fabric of his blanket as Rafe helped fuck her through her high.

When he pulls his fingers from her she lets out a small whimper, her body laying limp on his mattress, chest heaving up and down as she comes down from her orgasm.

“See that wasn’t so bad was it?” Rafe asks.

She sucks in a shaky breath, shaking her head. “N-No. Not bad. I’ve never… You know..”

Rafe quirks an eyebrow up at her, that damned amused smirk on his lips. “You’ve never had an orgasm before? I knew that sweetheart”

She hides her face in her hands, body heating up from embarrassment.

Rafe’s hands fly to hers, slowly pulling them down, his free hand rubbing softly across her cheek.

“Don’t hide, it’s okay. I want to teach you, I want you to feel comfortable with me, don’t you feel comfortable with me baby?”

She lets out a deep sigh, “Yes, I-I’m comfortable”

He grins, satisfied that he’d gotten her comfortable with him. He sits himself up on his knees, undoing his belt and tossing it to the floor.

“Do you wanna make me feel good sweet girl?”

She bites at her bottom lip, watching as he undoes the button on his pants followed by his zipper, the fabric sliding down his legs and leaving him in nothing but his underwear and his polo.

“Yes, I wanna make you feel good, teach me?”

Rafe brings his hand up to cup her cheek, his thumb sliding across her bottom lip, sliding the digit past her parted lips.

She wraps her lips around his thumb, giving it a light suck, a raspy groan falling from Rafe at the feeling.

“Fuck you’re so beautiful, gonna be such a good girl f’me, make me feel good, yeah?”

He pulls his thumb from her lips, sliding his briefs down his legs, his erection springing free and slapping just below his belly button. He notices the wide eyed expression on her face, her lips parted in a small ‘o’ as she stared at him.

“It’s okay baby, don’t be scared”

Rafe firmly grasps at his cock, pumping at it slowly, his free hand coming to the back of her head as he helped guide her down. “Put your lips on it baby, I got you”

She does as he says, her lips wrapping around the head first lightly sucking at his swollen tip. Rafe’s grip tightens in her hair, his hips bucking forward.

“Good girl, swirl your tongue around it a little, pretend it’s a popsicle or a lollipop”

She obeys, swirling her tongue around him, the precum that leaked from his tip making its way onto her tongue. She hums around him, the salty taste making her grow wet again.

Rafe slowly pushes himself further into her mouth, his breathing erratic as she takes him fully.

Her teeth graze at his shaft, making him jump back from the pain. “No teeth baby, hollow your cheeks and just move your head up and down slowly”

Her cheeks hollow, her head moving slowly up and down his length, small gags and whimpers falling from her with each push and pull, his head hitting the back of her throat with each push.

Rafe inhales deeply through his nose, his head thrown back in pleasure as she continues to suck and lick every last inch of him.

“Such a good fucking girl”

She feels herself grow wet from his praise, the ache between her thighs back, the craving for more of his touch growing with each passing second.

He tightly grips her hair when he feels himself twitching inside her mouth, pulling her off of him, her cheeks and chin stained with drool.

“Wanna cum inside you, do you want that? Want me to fill your pretty pussy up with my cum?”

She nods her head slowly, laying herself back and spreading her legs for him.

Rafe smiles widely, the innocence that once radiated from her now gone, and all because of him.

He pulls his polo over his head, discarding it on the floor and leaning himself down. He uses one hand to steady himself up, his other hand pumping at his cock and lining himself with her slick entrance.

“Gonna go slow okay? If it hurts, let me know and i’ll let you take a minute to breathe”

She opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out except a small whine, the feel of his fat head pushing into her small hole sending a burn through her legs.

Rafe softly shushes her, “Shhh, it’s okay i’m gonna take care of you, alright?”

She blinks away her tears, nodding her head and sucking in a sharp breath. Rafe slowly pushes himself in more, using one hand to lightly stroke her cheek, trying to help her calm her breathing.

He pushes himself inside her fully, stilling his movements and trying to let her adjust to his size. She lets out a soft breath, her hands flying to his shoulders, fingernails digging into the flesh.

“Can I move princess?”

“Yes, please”

Rafe begins to slowly thrust himself inside her, small moans and whimpers falling from her as she begins to rock her hips with his.

“You’re doing so good, my good girl”

She’s a whining mess, the pain replaced with pleasure making her toes curl, her head thrown back into the pillows as she focuses on the feel of each push and pull Rafe makes.

“Not gonna last long with you squeezin’ me like that sweetheart, you feel yourself squeezin’ me? Your pussy begging to be filled with my cum”

She lets out a whine, her bottom lip harshly brought between her teeth as she felt her second orgasm approaching.

“I-I think i’m close” she cries out, her hips bucking up and meeting each of his thrusts.

“Let go for me angel, i’m right behind you”

She clamps down around him, squeezing him tightly and sucking him further into her. His head repeatedly hits at her sweet spot, making her a whimpering, moaning mess.

“Gonna fill you up, give you my babies, don’t you want that baby?”

“Yes! Want you babies, wanna be a mama, please please”

She screams out a moan, her release bursting from her. She was trembling, tears staining her cheeks as Rafe fucked her through her high.

Rafe feels his thrusts grow sloppy, his hips stuttering as he twitches inside her. He pushes himself to the hilt, stilling inside her as the hot ropes of his release spill inside of her.

He lets his head dip down, his face falling into the crook of her neck, his lips attacking the skin with hot kisses.

He pulls himself from inside her, rolling onto his side and wrapping his arms around her. He pulls her further into his body, snuggling further into her and breathing in her scent.

“I’m so happy you’re mine now, all mine”

She smiles softly, her eyes drooping as she begins to breathe softly, sleep taking over her.

She wasn’t sure what she would tell her father, or how this would change her life, but she didn’t care. All that mattered to her now was the man who had just completely changed her life, and how she was his, and he was hers.

RAFE TAGLIST: @whore-4-drewstarkey @ivy-34 @rafeism @thelomlisrafecameron @rafegirly @f4ll-for-you @drewstarkeyslut @starkeypankowsbae @lizcameron @m-1234 @dilvcv @thewitchesofart @rafesgfxo @unsaidjaelinrose @abbybarnesstuff @itsmytimetoodream @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @r1vrsefx @alexisbaumann2004 @yourfavborderhopper @moremaybank @mel119g @rafetopia @rafemotherfuckingcameron @jade-is-jaded @jjmaybankisbae @lexasaurs634 @softlilacarrest @fayerite @exhaustedbutelated @lyndys @urmyslxt @presleyanswrites @sierraluvz @carma-fanficaddict @rafescokenostril @madzzz0797 @slytherhoes @jscameron @jjsmarijuana @ijustwanttoreadlols @oceandriveab

moodboard | rafe masterlist | taglist

[4kirijo]

.... my lovely lifesaver

♡ ྀི༘͏ bodyguard! blade x affluent progeny! reader :3

this was barely proofread. it's nearly 4 am omg. anyways. i thought of "ridin" by lana del ray nd asap rocky as well as "genesis" by grimes while writing :3

no content warnings, fluff ^_^

odd jobs were not blade's thing.

he preferred things to be simple and less involved. an assassination or a scheme to overthrow a planet's leader were more up his alley.

not taking care of the child belonging to an affluent family.

your concerned relatives had gone through a long list of potential candidates to work as your bodyguard, and somehow stumbled across him. despite his reluctance, blade begrudgingly accepted the offer. the pay was generous, exceedingly so.

he hadn't expected to grow fond of you over the coming months. in fact, he dreaded the idea of his job. being the babysitter for a high maintenance progeny was the last thing he expected, and acting as another parental figure for them was something that blade wasn't cut out for. such things plagued the back of his mind, even if he didn't want to admit it.

however, you weren't like the person in his expectations, keeping him up from the much needed sleep he required.

you were much benign than what he believed, shockingly so. from the outside, you were nothing more than a privileged heir, blessed to be born with a silver spoon in their mouth, and prone to bad behavior. yet--- when he gave his first greetings, your responses would always be quiet and respectful.

he'd always be treated to a curt nod, a soft hum, and a gentle smile. those gestures of yours felt sweet to blade, akin to the taste of raw honey. perhaps you were that polite to everyone, it was the more rational answer to explain your behavior. however, he couldn't help but want your attention to be on him only.

often times, he'd find himself observing every curve, furrow, and flaw in your delicate features (when you weren't looking, of course. he couldn't allow himself to be obvious, it would shatter his dignity).

during his more restless nights, he'd ponder how receiving your affection would feel. could it be apple-sweet like fleeting touches and longing gazes? or would it be similar to tasting an orange? a mix of cheeky kisses and tender declarations of love?

questions about you tend to take center stage in blade's mind nowadays. was his performance good enough yesterday? did you notice him staring at your visage for a second too long? are you one for acts of service? or do you prefer to be more physical with of affect---

"....... blade, are you listening?" you quietly asked him, tilting your head.

despite being caught off guard by your sudden remark, blade attempted to mask his scrutinizing glance at you with his usual stoic demeanor.

"hm? could you repeat that again for me, please?"

your eyebrows furrowed at his perplexity (he'll have that image of your pretty expression burned into his mind for days), yet you continued your thought once more-- albeit with some exasperation.

"i asked if you'd like to continue our outing, you seem awfully tired, blade. i don't want to burden you further."

he quickly replied to your concerned question, "i appreciate your concern, but i'm fine. i can handle a few more hours of shopping."

blade was lying. but, admitting his fatigue felt like a blow to their happiness, and-- he couldn't say 'no' to fixating over their expressions.

"mm, are you sure that we shouldn't call it a day? ....... i don't wanna put extra stress on you." you couldn't help but respond to his dismissal with a bit more concern than before.

although it was quite bothersome to have someone be so considerate of his wellbeing after years of independency, blade found your words to be endearing. the sweet sugar cookie scented perfume emanating from you didn't help quell his overwhelming feelings either.

"..... no, let's keep shopping. i insist."

blade was enamored with you, to a pathetic extent. it bothered him to hell and back. but--- he couldn't imagine himself anywhere other than standing near you, longingly watching your every move, all while protecting you from the cruel world.

a/n: i hope ppl enjoy this !!!!!! it's my first fanfic :3 um its so hot. i hate sumemr. bye.

[precioustarkey]

anxious

summary: drew comforting you after feeling anxious at a party.

warnings: mentions of anxiety

as the minutes pass, that twisting feeling in my stomach grows stronger. the music is sounding louder, and the air feels thinner. bodies brushing past, only making these feelings more apparent. parties have never been easy for me, but i can usually suppress my anxiety long enough to socialize. 

tonight has been particularly difficult. drew invited me to a party thrown by his hometown friends. nothing extreme; it was simply a house party with some drinks and music. the beginning was great; everyone was very welcoming. after the introductions were over and it came time to find a group, my mind began to race. overthinking has always been a flaw of mine, and it became very obvious in this moment.

for a while, i was able to stand off to the side and observe. i watched drew go up to everyone. i watched as they all lit up while he spoke. so interested in his stories and what he had to say. he reciprocated these emotions, giving everyone his full focus. 

i have always admired this about drew. his ability to make everyone feel comfortable and close to him. an ability i have always wanted. however, this eventually became old, and i worried someone would catch me staring.

finding myself on a random couch, i spoke briefly to the girl sitting next to me. she was nice and included me in the conversation, but i still felt like i didn't quite belong. after this, i needed a second to breathe. stepping outside into the cool air, my feelings subsided for a second.

not even five minutes passed before the door behind me flew open, i jumped slightly before turning around. "what's wrong, y/n?" drew asked, sitting down next to me. wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

"drew i'm okay, i just got a little overwhelmed. go talk to your friends," i assure, smiling up at him. he squeezes me a little tighter and says, "no we can go home, i've talked to everyone i wanted to." he begins to stand. 

i shake my head, "you spend a lot more time with me than you do with them. i promise i'm okay." his hand glides from my shoulder to my own hand, squeezing it. "i wouldn't want it any other way. if you're uncomfortable, we're going home."

giving him a weak smile, i say, "are you sure? i feel bad." in an attempt to make me laugh, he looks at me as if to say you already know the answer. "i've never been more sure about anything." he disappears into the house to say his goodbyes. 

almost immediately, he is back by my side. he interlocks his fingers with mine as we walk back to his car. drew holds the door open for me as i climb into the passenger seat. before closing it behind me, he leans forward, giving me a quick kiss.

he gets into the driver's seat wordlessly. placing a hand on my thigh after he pulls the car out of the packed driveway. “thank you, i’m so lucky to have you,” i say barely louder than a whisper, still feeling a bit guilty. 

running his thumb back and forth over my thigh, he replies, “y/n, i love you. i want you to be happy and comfortable. don’t ever feel bad for feeling anxious.” 

“i love you so much,” i say, laying my head on his shoulder. closing my eyes to take in the moment. i feel so safe.

for my anxious readers <3

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Late Bloomer Boyfriend: Bang Chan

Disclaimer: This post is for entertainment purposes only. Think about it. Have hard thoughts. Don't take it too seriously.

18+ only.

Also, this pic...omg, it makes me want to write a 10 day Daddy!Chan series because I am drooling violently.

I am going to tentatively say that out all of my late bloomer boyfriend analysis THUS FAR.

Bang Chan.

Daddy Chan.

Would be THE BEST late bloomer boyfriend and here is WHY...

Firstly, the man has a very obvious caregiver complex (at least, I think it's very obvious) and so he naturally attracts/is attracted to people who don't feel understood or 'seen' in life because his Libra stellium naturally makes him very empathetic and a naturally caring person.

People who tend to be a 'late bloomer' in life usually do have some insecurities about themselves because it's just almost impossible not too??

And Bang Chan's Mars in the 7th House means he is attracted to transformative relationships and people that help him 'grow' and discover traits and flaws about himself.

Being someone's first ever partner would encourage Bang Chan to hone different skills like patience, communication and emotional intimacy whilst also encouraging him to discover different parts of himself.

You would be his own personal project in a way, which can be seen as positive or negative depending on Chan's maturity level.

At Chan's worst, he could see you as a project to 'fix' or a vision to work on because it helps him build his self-esteem, that he's helping someone 'heal' and he could unconsciously put you into 'victim' mode and cause you to unnecessarily restrict yourself, just show he can come back and 'fix' you again.

Bang Chan would be a great 'first ever' boyfriend those little 'milestones' in relationships that experienced people might take for granted, he would celebrate them with you.

He's the first man you bring home to your family? You'll best believe he'll dress up and maybe even bring some flowers.

It's your first Valentines Day ever with a partner? He'll go all out and make it the most cliche and corniest of experiences ever.

Okay, let's talk about the seggsy stuff.

Look, the whole 'Daddy' persona is not as far-fetched as we believe.

I'm not going to say that Chan 100% has a thing for being called 'Daddy'.

But the chances of him enjoying it are pretty high.

And I also have to point out that I'm not saying that Chan would be into age-play or ddlg, I'm saying that Chan would probably enjoy being called 'Daddy' as a term of endearment.

Because I have to continuously say this but age-play/age regression is a form of lifestyle whereas calling someone 'Daddy' only in intimate situations is just a term of authority.

Chan would enjoy knowing that he's being the first to explore this area with you, to show you things you haven't discovered for yourself, to see you react to him and only him.

'How does that feel babygirl? Does that feel good? You look so beautiful under me right now, doing so well'.

And with Chan, it would seem like he's cool right? That he has everything under control.

But his cool persona hides a lot of emotional temperament and a constant desire to feel NEEDED.

And you best believe this side of him would show when you're under the sheets with him.

'Babygirl, you need Daddy to make you feel good don't you? You need me to take care of you and I will, whenever you need because you're MY babygirl'.

Now, on a worst level.

Chan could weaponise your inexperience and use it against you, manipulate and victimise you into how much you need him in your life.

'You couldn't even make yourself cum if it weren't for my help. You could never take care of yourself like how I can take care of you'

But on a positive level,

You would feel SAFE, protected, nurtured and appreciated, Chan's love for you would be so powerful, you would never ever doubt his affection for you.

'You make me so happy, I just want to care for you, protect you, love you. Are you going to let me babygirl?'

I also LOATHE the term 'babygirl'.

But it's just such a Chan thing to say, he is the only one that can make the term sound so sweet and sexy.

Taglist: @destiny-fics @umbralhelwolf @starsareseen @hipster-shiz @creativechaoticloner @cherry-0420 @lino-jagiyaa @mischiefsmind @scuzmunkie @mrcarrots @reighlee-greaves @junieshohoho @partywithgyu @kodzukein @whatsk-poppinhomies @yeosdarling @hologramhoneymoon @dilucpegg3r @marievllr-abg @craxy-person @itbtoblikethatsometimes @gyuhanniescarat @staytinyinmybpack @thirstybchanstan @necessiteez @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @hijeongguk @berryberrytan @notastraykid @sensitiveandhungry @laylasbunbunny @muselin @bluelove24 @sometimesiwritethings

[ayeliiss]

My two cents on MHA430 and Izuku's character

Disclaimer: this is NOT a hate post against Horikoshi and his manga. Simply, I need to lash my disappointment out somewhere and write my feelings down before I implode. I'm not trying to sound like 'ugh, I know better than them' at all, although I am aware some of my claims may give the 'why does the author think he knows so much?!' vibes, but keep in mind this is just my irrelevant opinion and it won't change anything anyway. So, please, don't come at me with 'lacking reading comprehension' or 'you're coping' (yes, I am) because I feel like fans are allowed to be upset at this ending even if you think differently! To each their own opinion, as long as it's respectful! Also, this might be unnecessarily long so, I apologize in advance.

Discussion about Izuku's character

First of all, if you're satisfied with the ending and what Izuku did/became, I'm genuinely happy for you. Truthfully, I envy you so damn much because I personally couldn't stop feeling empty and crying at night for him, and before you come at me with 'girl, he's fictional, it's okay you'll move on', yes, I know I'm a drama queen and I shouldn't be in one hell of a state for a fictional character, but I can't help it. I've grown as attached to him as I've ever grown to any character before, and there's no turning back. MHA is the first manga that ever moved me this hard and it'll forever remain a masterpiece for me, but it doesn't mean it's not flawed and should be free of criticism (always with respect for Horikoshi's work).

Funny thing is, I didn't even like Izuku when I first met him. He was the typical crybaby and too-optimistic MC I tend to dislike when I read a manga. Yet, the more I read, the more I started to understand him, the more I sympathized with him, and the more I loved him. I realized I related to him to such an outlandish extent, though I know we remain different in the way we act or think. But Izuku, even before Katsuki (and my friends know how obsessed I am with this blond lmao), became my first and greatest over-fixation and my main reason to continue reading/watching MHA. This manga changed my life; Izuku did too, and this isn't an understatement.

Just like him—and probably just like many of us—, I've endured bullying, been made fun of for being different, felt unwanted and hated, been belittled, and treated like shit for most of my teenage years. I think that's what really endeared him to me. I wanted to watch him grow, to watch him make real friends, to watch him receive the apologies and respect he deserved, to see him succeed. I wanted him to realize he was worth it and loved and, oh God, I wish he could know just how much his fans do love him.

And for 200+ chapters, I got what I wanted. Izuku got to live his dream, be around his idol who recognized him, and made new friends who admired him and wanted nothing but to be by his side. Then, the Vigilante arc happened, and everything changed. I won't dwell on the fact that, for me, this arc was the beginning of the decline of his character. It's worth noting though that it's at this precise moment that we've lost track of all his thoughts, but I'll focus on the ending, and how the way Horikoshi handled Izuku's character remains my biggest disappointment.

I sometimes joked with a friend of mine, saying, "Hori's favorite character is Katsuki and it shows so much, he even forgets he isn't his MC!" but I don't think it's much of a joke anymore.

Again, I'm very happy for those who are pleased with Izuku's closure. But, honestly, I can't grasp their process of thinking (I wish I could) because there's no way I can understand how it makes sense. It's not about him being quirkless—actually, I think this choice was cool—, it's about his obvious fucking depression.

After his initial withdrawal, there is never any resolution. He has never talked about his feelings to anyone, never opened up about all the things that bugged him, never taken it out on anyone. He just stopped having development, and never learned how to 'control his heart' (one of the biggest plots of the story, remember???). So, he continues to take everything up on his shoulders by the end of the story, and eight years later, he is feeling lonely, as he says himself:

Yes, I can read, and I know he's also saying he's happy with helping/encouraging other people. But it's literally denial. Izuku is in denial and it hurts me so much. He's alone (I'm not talking about how he's barely seen his friends, I know they didn't abandon him or anything, I'm talking about how he is feeling in general), deprived of his dream, and never got to talk about it to anyone (at least, on-screen. And if it's not shown, then it didn't happen). Even the adults around him don't see he's in pain—or, at least, don't think it's worth addressing. Aizawa can't even simply answer 'yes, you're cool' when Izuku obviously seeks praise and needs nice words after everything he's been through. He doesn't even get fans (except for two, waouh!) after saving the fucking world. He doesn't get a statue, no recognition. Katsuki leads a project for him to get a suit, but not the government? After everything he did? Why isn't he more recognized and acknowledged for his hard work? Killing him would've almost felt like a better choice lol (#it's a joke).

Even if, in the end, he gets to join his friends again and be a hero with them, he's still not opening up. How is it sane/healthy for him???? How will he even be able to maintain good relationships of any kind if there are already so many and huge miscommunication issues?

I hate this—I dislike how it's basically saying 'his feelings weren't that important!'. Izuku deserved better, a better closure. So much is missing from him; from this bitter ending, and I can't find any way to make myself feel better or to cope with it.

I am devastated, I feel empty for him, I just want someone to take him to therapy, to help him.

Some rumors have started to spread, about how 'Horikoshi has been forced to shorten his manga' but I don't believe this—MHA has been SJ's money-maker for a while. And even if it were to be true, the epilogue could've been handled differently. Hori could've focused on the most important parts (that he hasn't even shown/resolved at all) and left the irrelevant ones out (why introduce a new character if not to make us feel hopeful to see Tenko again, lol). He chose to not address the most important aspects of his story (including his MC's resolution and growth) and left us with huge plot holes. And now, we're stuck with our imagination, as usual.

I just can't with 'open endings' and 'it's left to interpretation' stuff. It's too easy to do that. I'm tired of mangakas not taking risks, rushing their own plots, and not digging deeper into their own MCs' traumas. I don't know what happened, but among the many issues left regarding this last chapter, Izuku's conclusion remains my greatest ick. I'm so sorry to say this, but Izuku didn't grow. He never learned from his mistakes and just didn't change—oh wait. Yes, he did change on one crucial aspect—his biggest trait, being obsessed with his childhood friend, totally disappeared! Maybe he started to stop caring about 'Kacchan and the others' and put himself first, to the point of forgetting the said childhood friend died twice for him, who knows? :))) (yeah, I'm especially pissed off at this lol don't mind me).

In my imagination, I see him being a pro-hero who continues to suppress his feelings and continues to act recklessly, to risk his life in the face of any danger that shows up. This is what happens when you leave it to fans' imagination, after all.

I know fanfictions exist, and I'm very happy this unclear ending motivated some writers to challenge their creativity. For me, it had the opposite effect. I'm disgusted, I am angry at Izuku and I know I'll struggle to finish my fics where he's involved because I don't want to deal with his character anymore. I'm too attached to canonical representation.

Man, I'm just devastated. I have no other words. And I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life. I feel betrayed. Shitted on. I'm dying inside and there's nothing I can do because it's over. Just like this long-ass essay, btw lol. Thank you if you're still here, thank you if you've read this! I'm pretty much open to discussion so if anyone wants to try and reassure me over some aspects or respectfully explain why I am wrong (I know I probably am, yet again those are my own feelings), please don't hesitate to do so. Also, I definitely need friends with whom I could talk about this deeper... so, my DMs are open too if you'd like to!

Much love to Izuku though; one of the best MCs I've encountered in my life, despite how he turned.

[justyourtypicaltuesday]

So What's Up With Logan? - a speculating post for the season 2 finale

While I, like everyone else, am anticipating the season finale, I thought I might as well summarise my thoughts in a post.

In LNTAO, Logan outright explains he's irritated with being repeatedly ignored.

"There will be times in which I must be heeded and given our... current circumstances... I clearly haven't been."

This really stands out to me. It's no secret that due to being consistently talked over, shut up and disregarded, Logan's struggling to deal with his emotions- and keep up the facade he puts up pretending he doesn't have any. This is only evidenced further when he throws paper at Roman. But this quote almost feels like foreshadowing, suggesting that there will come a time Logan's the only side with the right answer, and because of the sides and c!Thomas' practice, they won't listen to him and will exacerbate the problem doing so.

Another interesting quote from LNTAO is hidden in plain sight- the overlapping verses from Logan and Thomas in Incomplete.

"This just serves as a testament to the fact that you have a temperament, which is fine, you just haven't accepted it, if you'd let them finish they'd get to the-"

"This just serves as a testament to the fact that to me you're negligent, which is fine, it just works to your detriment, you not letting me finish is proving my-"

Both verses here provide context into Logan's character. This confirms that c!Thomas is fully aware that Logan has emotions, specifically a temper, and that, in his eyes, the song was an attempt to get Logan to accept that part of himself. This could be setting up a very powerful scene in the finale, Janus and/or Thomas confronting Logan at a point when Logan pretending he doesn't have emotions is actually damaging Thomas as a whole.

Additionally, Logan feels neglected by Thomas. That's a word which is not used lightly. He points out that being ignored is actively causing detriment to Thomas, which he conveniently doesn't hear as he's talking (singing?) over him at this point in time.

They're both right. Logan is ignored to the point of detriment, but he also thinks highly of himself ("I'm the most important side here!") and often disregards the others' contributions until he's actively proven wrong. This is a repeated character flaw of Logan's. It's also seen Growing Up, Moving On, and even in Asides like Can Plushies Improve Our Health?. While Logan's been the cause of minor conflicts in the series, having him cause a problem on a scale similar to Patton in POF would be intriguing to see from a narrative standpoint. It's clear that in the latest episodes, Logan is struggling and maybe at some point soon, constantly being antagonised by c!Thomas and the other sides is going to have an effect.

This brings me to WTIT. This is the last plot-dependent episode we've had, so it naturally is where a lot of my theories are coming from. While we can see a lot of Logan's progress as a character- specifically in prioritising Thomas' mental health- we also see his lowest point so far. Thomas' mental health has been steadily declining since SvS, introducing Remus, the discussions during POF and this episode all make it obvious. And this is reflected in Logan. Despite taking precautions and relaxing the schedule so Thomas feels comfortable, Logan loses his cool when he yells at Remus. What the orange eyes mean is TBD, but Logan's emotions in that moment say one thing and one thing only: he can't keep it down much longer. Each time we see Logan lately, he's been more and more distressed. In LTNAO, he throws paper at Roman, in SvS he's left out. In DWIT he's exasperated the whole time trying to calm down the others. In POF he's clearly done with exerting any amount of effort getting them to listen to him. And here is the result of all that pent up anger.

"I just want to help Thomas become the best version of himself he can be, and in order to do that, he needs to listen to me. Unlike yours, my methods aren't the flashiest, and it's not very often I get the chance to get through to him. Please understand my insistence on the matter."

The words right before his outburst mean a lot too. Logan's been already established as a perfectionist, but here he outwardly admits his goal is to improve Thomas as much as possible. We've already seen c!Thomas second-guessing himself because of difference in opinion between sides, so here's an opportunity to explore Janus v Logan conflict. Logan questioning Janus' advice to Thomas to take it easy could mean that the rest isn't as effective as it could be and cause a problem they'll need to discuss. Logan's been largely absent from Janus-related episodes, so an argument in which Janus explains Thomas has worth as he is while Logan is focused on perfectionism and improvement is not unbelievable at this point in the story.

On the topic of Janus, I believe he's going to play a huge role in Logan's character development. The main thing holding Logan back is that he's lying to himself. He repeatedly insinuates and sometimes outwardly states that he doesn't have feelings, and both c!Thomas and Janus know this is a lie.

"I don't feel anything."

"Oh, of course you don't."

My theory is that Janus, as practically a living lie detector, is going to confront the sides about the lies they tell themselves, and being more truthful about themselves will help Thomas long-term. While this can be explored for each side, I'll save that for a post for another day and point out how specifically Logan's lie about not having feelings is already questioned multiple times in the series, setting it up to be confronted soon.

In conclusion, my speculations for the season finale are:

Logan's going to have another outburst- in full view of c!Thomas and the other sides this time, and it will have to be addressed.

Janus/Thomas and Logan are going to confront each other, Logan over being repeatedly ignored and sidelined, and the others over Logan consistently lying about not feeling emotions.

Logan is going to be the outright antagonist in at least one episode of the finale, along the lines of Patton in POF.

On the contrary, in one episode Logan will have the right answer, but be ignored because... well, duh.

Janus v Logan conflict is going to be a large plot point- addressing perfectionism and to what extent you should accept yourself as you are and to what extent you need to work on growth.

If you got this far, thanks for reading. It's my first post as a blog and I hope you enjoyed reading my guesses to what we'll see surrounding Logan in the finale. I'm planning on continuing with in-depth analysis of other sides and other theories I have, but so far this is what I've gathered in regards to Logan's direction at this point in the series.

[don-quixotine]

Thoughts on NATLA so far (up to ep 5)

I'm really loving it!!! There are some parts where the pacing gets a bit slow but it makes up by hitting you out of left field with the feels.

Episode 4 is my favorite so far.

I absolutely LOVED this rendition of Sukka. What bisexual disasters, the pair of them.

ON THE FIRE NATION:

I absolutely LOVE the background story on the fire nation family, particularly the bond between zuko and iroh. It is presented completely different than in the OG, since the 'show don’t tell' of the original happens in Book 2 and here they use flashbacks, but it works. Still ended with me in waterworks. Also, I understand the logic behind showing all of the cards from the very get-go being that Netflix can cancel the show before it is renewed for another season, so it needed to make the best impression possible, show all the stakes but not reveal them in ther completion. I think they did that very well so far.

ZUKO IS SO AWKWARD I LOVE HIM

his expressions and reactions are just peak comedy. He is the embodiment of "😫😟" and I love that for him.

Dallas' performance is definitely one of my highlights.

ON KATARA AND SOKKA:

The thing that is the most foreign to me so far is the decision to improve Sokka's emotional stakes at the expense of Katara's. I like it but this has to be the element where the adaptation departs the most from the og. Like, in the cartoon it is Katara who bears the brunt of the responsibility taking care of the water tribe and her brother, which is why Sokka's sexism as a character flaw worked there. I can see now why they chose to drop that. With the script flipped like this, with Sokka being the main caretaker and provider between him and Katara, making him stay sexist would've been a bit too much. It is very different, but I like how they flipped the script between them.

What I did not like about this flip is that the change seems to affect Katara's character for the worse. She is not as outspoken or short-tempered as she was in the cartoon. It's almost the complete opposite. But I can definitely see the shyness and insecurity being the deliberate starting point of her arc. Now in ep 5, you can see her becoming more confident both in personality and bending. I think this was a conscious decision, but I still wish she had been written to be more headstrong from the very beginning.

That being said, I really appreciate how different the dynamic between Sokka and Katara is. I love how Katara is trying to get her independence while Sokka is still caught on the fact he has to be her protector, almost parent figure, which is a cool change of pace. One of the things that kinda bothered me as a young girl watching Avatar was that Katara was always stuck being the mom and sort of getting teased for it despite the fact no one else could or wanted to step up to that responsibility. It's cool to see Sokka bearing that responsibility as the eldest in the adaptation.

ON THE BLATANTLY MISSING KATAANG

You know, I don't hate this change. Aang and Katara's interactions are still pretty wholesome, and once they start catching feelings for each other, it will be super cute because you see where the love is truly coming from. It's not just Aang's childhood crush/Katara's "destiny", as it was presented it the cartoon. Besides it would have looked a little weird, considering that the age gap between Gordon and Kiawentiio is way more obvious on screen than it is right now when you see the interviews with the cast, because that kid Gordon is growing up SO fast.

OVERALL:

I am enjoying it very much! The adaptation is excellent. Despite some changes being quite big, they managed to capture most of the show's essence. I do believe it could have benefitted from a bit more balance between the comedy and the seriousness, particularly when it comes to Aang because he is mostly just weighted down by his responsibility in the adaptation, I don't see him joke as much, but in general and all limitations considered, I think they did an excellent job! It won't be for everyone, for sure, but I can say it has managed to bring back that feeling of watching the show for the first time again on some parts :)

[poisonpercy]

I finally convinced myself to watch the 4th episode of the pjo show. Overall, it was probably the show’s strongest episode so far. That being said, I think it’s fair to say that I am not clicking with this show. I’m not saying the show isn’t good. It definitely has its moments, so it’s a fine show. But as a book to tv show adaptation of pjo, I don’t think it’s very good. I guess my expectations were way too high since I was promised that this is a true adaptation that has everything you would want in a pjo show, but seeing as I don’t feel that way, I can’t say that promise has been fulfilled.

The actors are great, but I find the writing and the overall direction of the show very dull. It’s just not something that keeps my attention personally. I have to convince myself to watch these episodes since they aren’t hitting that obsession that keeps you interested, and while watching, it’s very hard for me to stay watching because it’s just not pulling me in. Anyways, here’s some specific thoughts regarding this episode:

Like a lot of my mutuals, I am not too big of a fan of the flashback with Percy and Sally in the pool. Sally does not feel like the same character that she is in the books. She’s a lot kinder and more mindful of her actions in the books than she is in the show. I get what the flashback was trying to convey, but I honestly don’t think it worked. I remember that Sally had been described as someone who doesn’t raise her voice, and I feel like the writers have disregarded a lot of her prior characterization in the name of her being a #girlboss. To me it feels like they created a brand new character and slapped Sally Jackson’s name on them. “That’s not Sally Jackson! That’s an oc committing identity fraud�� vibes

They are really shoving it down our throats that Percy does not like the gods. Which isn’t bad, but I feel like he still needs more time to grow into the resentment that he’s showing

Kinda weird that Annabeth was talking nice about her dad. And I’m more sympathetic towards her dad than most, but he still wasn’t great so giving him praise felt a little off. Not a huge fan of blaming only the stepmother. The misogyny is real

Sleepy, grouchy Grover was cute

The cameo of the centaurs leading into the conversation about Pan and searchers was nice. I wish the show talked about this being Grover’s last chance at getting his searchers license since that was a big part of his character arc in tlt, but idk if that’s ever going to happen

The cops on the train were awful. If this show got one thing right, it’s the fact that cops suck and don’t help

I felt like there was too much of Echidna in this episode. Idk, if you’re going to try to build up a monster, she’s not the one I would have picked

Going off of that, they definitely tried to build tension in this episode, unlike in previous episodes, but it just didn’t work. Like it was too obvious that she was supposed to be a monster without actually giving any tension for the viewers. It’s still very much telling and not showing which is a huge flaw of this show

I’m honestly not a fan of the arch being a temple of Athena. I guess it’s cool for world building, but it just feels too convenient. I did like that Annabeth was stating facts, but to me it felt less like her geeking out and more like her showing off the temple’s greatness

Grover and Annabeth splashing Percy in the fountain was funny but it would have been the perfect opportunity to introduce nectar and ambrosia since they have yet to be brought up

Bad parent Athena rep 🫡

Having Percy trick Annabeth to switch places with her was a nice nod to Percy’s loyalty

I felt like the whole scene at the arch was missing the chaos that was present in the book. Idk it just felt so dry to me

The fight between Percy and the chimera was so underwhelming. There was a lot more tension and chaos and moving parts in the book that the show just is refusing to show. Also, I’m getting tired of Percy being flung around. Let him build up some skill before Ares

The water grabbing Percy when he fell out of the arch was funny but I personally wouldn’t have done the scene that way

The underwater scene was lacking imo. I feel like a broken record by saying I liked it better in the books, but it’s true

Episode was way too short and the show’s pacing is way too fast

[thatgirl4815]

Sand & Ep11

I keep remembering this ask I got a while back, and I think it's important now more than ever.

If I was Sand, I personally would not give Boeing the time of day for what he did to me. I would be livid. I would never speak to him again.

But Sand is not me. Sand is more forgiving than is probably healthy for him. Even though it is something I hope he works on for his own benefit, it doesn't change the fact that for the moment, that is who he is. That's his flaw just as much as it his strength.

Caring for people is generally regarded as a positive trait because it is, but there's a such thing as caring too much for people who do not show that same care back to you. That is the position Sand seems to find himself in continuously. I believe Ray does care about Sand, but it took so long for that to be communicated to Sand in the way he deserves. The reason their relationship has lasted is because Sand does not demand that reassurance the way many people would, even though he might want it. Words of affirmation are not at the top of Sand's love language list.

Abandonment

I don't want to prescribe any definitive long-term childhood response to Sand from what little information we have, but given the emphasis on Sand's absent father, I think it's safe to say that Sand faces some abandonment issues. Growing up, he only ever had his mom; of course he was bound to cling to her very tightly. That is where I imagine his caring behavior has stemmed from most. Additionally, having so few people on his life that he could rely on, he learned to be a support system for others and learn not to complain for what he has.

I think Sand is in a position where he objectively understands that he is mistreated. He admits as much to both Ray and Nick. But he can’t break out of this cycle because there’s a deep-seated fear in him. A fear of being alone? A fear of being abandoned? A fear of not being good enough or “special” to anyone?

I have been wrestling with myself over the past day about Sand’s behavior in Ep11. And I’ve realized that a reason why I feel so ambivalent about it—a reason I don’t like to admit—is because it’s related to Boeing, not Ray.

Sand has received the same criticism he’s facing in Ep11 in past episodes: i.e., “He needs to know his worth and tell off Ray for what he’s doing to him.” A very similar situation has now arisen with Boeing. Sand is once again trapped in the cycle. He is nice to Boeing because even after what Boeing does to him, he cannot handle the thought of banishing him from his life for good—not when Boeing is still here and willing to engage with him. Again, we see the conflict between what he knows he should do and what he defaults to.

I empathize with Sand’s plight here, and I understand that it is difficult for him to react to Boeing and Ray. Where my frustrations arise are in the way he reacts to Ray’s reaction.

Ray is insanely passive aggressive at the end of Ep11. Sand has seen this all before; Ray lingers at the bar after being told to go home, he invites Boeing over without really wanting to invite him over, and he invites Sand to get naked in the pool with them. Each time, Boeing eggs him on by agreeing, playing up the guise of “we’re all friends here!” while simultaneously making both pointed and subtle jabs at his previous relationship with Sand (the most obvious being the “we’ve already seen every part of each other” line).

I’m of the belief that Sand is very aware of how Ray feels, especially in that ending shot when he looks between Ray and Boeing. But he does not ever confront Boeing or disengage from the situation. He’s playing into Boeing’s guise, and both he and Ray know it.

In virtually every part of Part 4, we see Sand caught in this same perpetual cycle where he lets people walk all over him. While I empathize with his struggles, as I said, there's a part of me that believes his boyfriend’s discomfort with the situation should supersede that. He committed to Ray, not Boeing, and this situation with Boeing is posing a threat to that.

This is not me saying that Sand needs to scream at Boeing and cuss him out for what he did to him. But I do think Sand needs to acknowledge much more firmly that he is Ray’s boyfriend. Sand can be nice to Boeing and offer him friendship, but he cannot allow Boeing to make advances on him and hang around with them when Boeing so clearly has other intentions. (There’s an argument that maybe Boeing does genuinely want a friendship with Sand, but after the way he talks with Sand and how he handled the TopMew situation, I don’t believe that for a second).

This isn’t easy for Sand, but when Ray is right there, he has to be more direct. Boeing was his past but Ray is his present. Much like how Sand encouraged Ray to go to rehab, I think Ray will encourage Sand to stand up for himself against Boeing.

[millenialmfa]

Bridgerton Thoughts

That literally no one asked for or cares about, but I need them out of my brain before season 3.

This will have some book spoilers, so be warned. Also, for context, I’ve watched season 1 & 2 and Queen Charlotte. I’ve read books 4, 5, and 6.

Who is season 4 about?

I think it will either be Benedict or Francesca. I think Benedict is the more obvious choice (I’ve heard murmurs that people think Sophie will be introduced this season). I also think Netflix would be aware of how upset people were initially that the show wasn’t going in book order. Also, for plot reasons for Eloise’s future season, Benedict kind of needs to be married with a kid.

However, I think it is very possible Francesca may get her season next, depending on how they handle her this season. If they have her meet and marry John this season, they could easily frame the next season around her and Michael. But honestly, whether this works or not is really going to depend on the amount of screen time she gets. I would wager most people who haven’t read the books completely forgot that she’s even a Bridgerton sibling.

Why can’t next season be Eloise’s season?

This is honestly for fully selfish reasons. Eloise’s book has been my absolute favorite so far. I LOVE her love interest (very largely in part because he has the same name and personality as my spouse). Because of this, I want them to do her story right, and I don’t think they will capture the magic of that book with the current state of Phillip and Eloise in the show.

Eloise needs a lot of character development in my opinion (not a dig at her, I’m so excited to see how she grows and I think it will be very rewarding). Maybe it’s possible that they do it all in this season, but I don’t want them to rush it. It is critical that by the time Eloise gets married, her and Pen are friends again. I will be heartbroken if they drag out the mending of this friendship for multiple seasons. Technically yes, Eloise’s wedding is literal weeks after Pen’s in the book, but I think the show writers can easily navigate this. Maybe instead of Pen’s wedding being the catalyst, it will be her pregnancy in a later season that pushes Eloise towards Phillip.

Now onto Phillip. The issue being that Marina is still alive, and his children are way too young at the moment. Could the show have Eloise be the stepmother to toddlers? Yes, but is that as rewarding? No. In the books, Eloise is the favorite aunt and has incredible experience with kids. This is what endears Phillip’s eight-(?)year-olds to her. In the show however, she doesn’t seem to particularly care either way about her nephew. Also, it’s not nearly as impressive to win over someone’s toddlers as it is to win over the absolute devil children (lovingly) that Philip has in the book.

The other issue is that in the books, Eloise has already turned down multiple marriage proposals for a variety of different reasons. What’s so fun is that these suitors’ “shortcomings” end up being massive character traits of Phillip. He is NOT perfect. He frustrates her and she frustrates him. But he is a good person. Your spouse isn’t supposed to be perfect, they are someone you choose to love because your life is better with them in it, in spite of their flaws.

Long story short for this one, I hope it’s not Eloise because I love her story so much, it would break my heart to see them do it poorly.

Season 3

I’m so freaking excited. This upcoming season is the reason I even started watching Bridgerton. I had heard about the steamy Netflix regency show, and honestly never had a huge interest…UNTIL I heard the next season would feature a love interest who is considered “plus size”. I’ve always been in the size 12-16 range, so this intrigued me. I knew I wanted to watch season 3, so I watched the show and even read 3 of the books (now I’m hooked).

I’m excited because it looks like the writers are definitely keeping some of the incredible scenes from the book, but I’m also excited about the potential differences. Especially when it comes to Lady Whistledown and the Peneloise friendship.

And speaking of friendships: I am feral with the idea that I will (hopefully) get to see Lady Danbury and Pen’s friendship on screen. Their scenes together were such a treat as I was reading, and I would give my left tit for them to keep those interactions in the show.

And of course, the music! Secretly hoping for a rendition of Unholy or Heart Attack.

The Colin discourse~

I’ll be honest, I’m a demisexual/virgin!Colin truther. I was really excited about the prospect of a male lead with no experience but a whole lotta lust. I was a little disappointed in the news that came out from the Sun article (though honestly I’ve lost the plot on whether it’s been confirmed or disproven). However, I think there’s the possibility that this could still be interesting for his character and for foreshadowing.

If he does indeed go see sex workers, who’s to say that they won’t have red hair? Or be on the curvy side 👀. Would be a fun little Easter egg to display Colin’s preferences.

As for the voyeurism … kind of interesting to me that he takes the wallflower role in the bedroom with people he’s not emotionally connected to. Kind of like Penelope preferring to watch the drama unfold from the sidelines. I think it’s an interesting parallel that shows that both leads watch others as a spectacle or show, and prefer to really connect and engage with select people. Yes, Colin is sociable and charming; but it’s superficial. He laughs and has deep conversations with Penelope almost exclusively.

It’s also possible that Colin is seeking out sex workers because he has no desires for the women he meets on his travels. Maybe he’s trying to explore why none of the women he meets give him butterflies. Perhaps he seeks out these workers because he doesn’t have to connect with them. He likes that the presence of feelings are unnecessary with them. He doesn’t have to fake his disinterest.

Ultimately, I don’t think him seeing sex workers is a sinking of his character. I think it could serve to show that the only person for him (romantically and sexually) has always been Pen. I think it’s an opportunity to show differences in how he physically engages with others vs his future wife.

And I still disappointed? Yeah, a bit. But if it’s happening, I’m gonna try to give a positive twist to it. *I want to note, i am not upset that they are sex workers. I think sex work is real work and they should be protected. I honestly prefer this to him being romantically/emotionally involved with someone. I was just really hoping he would be as inexperienced as Pen*

Future Seasons

What am I hoping to see in future seasons? I’m excited at the prospect of continued diversity within the love interest casting. As far as I know, Sophie (Benedict), John (Francesca), Michael (Francesca part 2), Lucy (Gregory), and Gareth (Hyacinth) have not been cast yet. These are all great opportunities to bring in more actors of color.

I suspect Gareth will be played by a black actor, considering in the books he is Lady Danbury’s grandson.

I would be OVER THE MOON for Michael Stirling to be played by an Asian actor. Michael is arguably one of the “hottest” most “playboy” characters of the books, and it would be nice to see this played by an Asian actor. Unfortunately, American media doesn’t often portray Asian men as the typical “hottie” or “leading man,” though it has gotten better in recent years.

I’d also love to see a Latinx actor cast as a love interest. I feel that sometimes this group gets overlooked a lot in “diversity conversations.” Though I may be projecting a bit with this one, as my boss recently said she “forgot about the Hispanic population” when talking about diversity goals. As part Puerto Rican (thought very white presenting) that still didn’t feel super great.

I saw the article recently that said Bridgerton wants to bring in more LGBTQ+ storylines in future seasons. Now, I’m a staunch advocate for each Bridgerton sibling ending up with their book love interest. BUT, how incredible would it be if those character were gender bent? Same character traits, storylines, names (example, Lucien instead of Lucy), but now a queer love story can be explored in a way that doesn’t alienate fans of the books.

I don’t think the showrunners will actually do this, as it’s more likely stories for side characters (ex: Brimsley), but it’s fun to dream about a queer couple being the front and center leads of a whole season. Especially if it’s in a way that doesn’t give people the excuse to complain that it ignores the book characters. Nope, it’s the same character, just a different gender.

[padfootagain]

Something Good (XVI)

Chapter 16: Waters

Hello! Here is a new chapter for my Ben Barnes series!

Today we have: a nice discussion with Jasmine, Ben coming to the rescue and… having special dreams…

Hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Ben Barnes x Reader

Warnings: A heated scene at the end!! No actual smut but heavy make-out. Slow burn, professor AU.

Summary: Coming out of a divorce and trying to get used to being a single mom, while teaching your classes at University, you thought your life could not get more complicated than it already is. But when you are asked to take care of the theatre club with the colleague that you really can’t get along with, you realize that everything can still get ten times more complicated in your life. And when you start actually liking Professor Barnes, the troubles only grow exponentially…

Word Count: 4874

Masterlist for the series – Ben Barnes’ Masterlist – Main Masterlist

Jasmine knew that something was up between you and Ben, but she didn’t say a word about it at first.

You were quite obvious though, and Ben was just as discreet as you were.

You laughed together, you spent so much time together these days, you even spent time together with Sally. And Jasmine knew that it was a big deal for you. You were a protective mother, and she was well aware that if you allowed Ben close to your daughter, it meant that you trusted him almost blindly.

And this tension between the two of you; these stolen glances, these shy smiles, blushing cheeks, batting eyelashes and caught breaths… it was driving Jasmine crazy.

What was happening between the two of you?

You were currently lost in a conversation about the theatre club, and some scenes you were struggling to stage, and both you and Ben seemed to be paying no mind to the rest of your colleagues eating next to you.

“I mean… it wasn’t even in the original musical. We can just… not include this song,” you proposed, but Ben winced and shook his head.

“No, no, no. We’ll figure it out. We just need to think about it… I’ve actually booked the theatre for Thursday. We’ll have the stage for the entire afternoon. We can go there with the kids and, if need be, we can still stay after our classes and work on it together.”

“That’s a great idea! I mean… I really want to include Something Good in there, I think it would be a great song to add. But… it’s complicated enough as it is, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know. It’s harder than some Shakespeare, that’s for sure,” Ben jokes, easily making you laugh. “But it’s more fun too. It’s different, in a good way.”

You exchanged a smile, radiant and dreamy, and Jasmine found it almost disgusting. You two were so far gone…

And she needed to learn what was going on, curiosity was, after all, her worst flaw.

She checked her watch, and frowned.

“Ben?” she called, and her colleague reluctantly looked away from you. “Didn’t you say you had a class at half-past one?”

“Yes... why?”

“Your class starts in five minutes.”

Ben paled, his eyes growing round before he would check the time himself. But Jasmine was correct…

“Oh, fuck!”

He jumped to his feet, and you couldn’t help the fond look that crossed your features at the sight of his stuttering self, muttering a string of curses under his breath.

You stopped him when he reached for his lunchbox.

“I’ll clean up, don’t worry about that,” you offered with an amused smile. “Just… go to your class.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Go!”

“Thank you! Thanks so much, Y/N! You’re the best!”

“I know, I am. Now, get going!”

He flashed you a bright grin, before hurrying outside the room.

You were finished with your meal anyway, you were merely staying to chat some more, so you soon stood up after Ben’s departure, and you cleaned up your table. You were on your way back to your office when Jasmine called for you.

“Can we have a word?”

You accepted, of course, wondering why Jas was asking in the first place. You walked together to your office, and Jasmine closed the door.

“What’s up?” you asked with a worried frown, sitting down behind your desk.

“We need to talk.”

“About what? Is everything alright?”

She crossed her arms before her chest, studying you.

“Well, you tell me…”

“I beg your pardon?”

“What’s happening between you and Ben?”

Your eyes grew round, and you shied away, becoming defensive.

“No… nothing…”

“Don’t lie, now! It’s obvious that there is something going on between the two of you. Are you dating?”

“No, we’re not.”

But the disappointment in your voice was obvious, and Jasmine’s inquisitive expression turned into a frown.

“So… you wish you could date, right?”

“I… I don’t know.”

You heaved a frustrated sigh.

“Jas, promise me you will not tell anyone about this.”

“Of course, I won’t tell. I just want to make sure you’re alright, because… the two of you are being all… lovie-dovie over there, and yet, I can tell that you’re holding back. Is it because you don’t want to make it official?”

“No, we’re not together. Nothing happened between us.”

“You’re sure?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Nothing happened between Ben and me. But I…”

You hesitated, but only for a moment. Jasmine was your best friend, and if she loved gossips, you knew she would never betray your trust this way. So… you might as well tell her.

“I… I think I’m falling for him.”

Jasmine threw her arms in the air.

“At fucking last we are getting somewhere!”

“Jas, I’m being serious.”

“So am I! You two have been all heart-eyes and shy-flirtation for weeks! It’s time you finally admit that you like him.”

But you shifted on your seat, clearly uncomfortable, averting your eyes. When you looked up at Jasmine again, you seemed both shy and scared.

“Actually, Jas, I… I think it’s a bit more than that.”

Your friend raised an eyebrow, leaning forward.

“You mean… do you… love him?”

You nodded your head, and Jasmine let out a gasp.

“Wow… that’s amazing!”

“Is it?” you asked back.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because I’m a single-mother? Because I went through a divorce and… what if I’m not ready for another relationship? And… anyway… maybe Ben doesn’t feel the same…”

“Oh, he does. He absolutely does, trust me. He is not even discreet at this point. It’s written all over his face every time he sees you… or every time anyone does as much as mentioning you.”

“Do you think so?”

“Yeah, I know so.”

You couldn’t refrain a smile at the thought. Maybe it was selfish, but you hoped he felt the same…

“I don’t know… I’m a mess, Jas. I’m not sure I should act on it. He… Ben is amazing and so sweet and… He deserves someone who can offer him more than…”

But Jasmine didn’t let you finish. She seemed annoyed now, angry, even.

“Don’t you dare! You’re amazing, Y/N! Everyone struggles with their lives. No one has it all figured out. Maybe you’re having a rough time, but this rough time, it won’t last, Y/N. And then what? You’ll spend your life regretting to not have seized the chance that was offered to you. Who knows… maybe Ben is the answer. Maybe he is your way out of your rough patch. Have you ever thought of that?”

“But what about him? What does he get out of this?”

“You. Couldn’t that be enough?”

You considered her question.

Were you worth it? All the troubles he would have to go through because of you… were you worth it?

He was enough, of course. If the question was reversed, you wouldn’t have to think at all, the answer would be obvious. Ben was enough. He was all you wanted. There was nothing you longed for except for his company, his voice, his goofy jokes, his touch…

He was more than enough. He was everything you wanted. But you?

You heaved a tired sigh.

“I don’t know, Jas. I need to think. Because it’s about me and Ben… but there’s Sally too. I can’t be impulsive. It would affect her too, and… I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.”

Jasmine nodded.

“I get it. You should take some time to think about all this. But Y/N… don’t give up. Don’t push your own happiness away. You deserve to be happy. Please, don’t… don’t sacrifice yourself thinking it’ll make others happier. It will probably not be true, anyway. Because… you being happy makes others happy, too.”

You gave her a smile, nodded, but didn’t answer.

You were lost. There was your heart longing for one thing, and your reason pulling you back. Was it reason or fear? You weren’t sure.

You were a mess. You weren’t sure of anything anymore.

You were a mess.

It was half-past eight, too late to call for a plumber. And you were panicking.

There was water running from the pipes under the sink in your kitchen, and a pool on the floor. Sally was staring with round eyes.

“Mummy? Why is there water everywhere?”

“I…”

You wanted to cry. Tuesday night, you were exhausted. All you wanted to do was prepare dinner, take care of Sally, and go to sleep, at long last.

Instead, your kitchen was flooded by a leak.

Your brain went blank. It was too much. After taking care of your daughter this morning, running from classes to meetings to actual research all day long, after picking up your daughter from the babysitter, after helping out your mother with her own issues in her apartment, after making sure Sally was doing her homework, after doing the laundry, bathing Sally…

This was too much.

You could feel that you were about to cry. You wanted to crumble on the floor, your knees going weak. You couldn’t handle that. Not tonight, not on your own.

Your chin was shaking, you brushed the first tear away. Sally was still here, and you couldn’t afford to just… crumble and lie on the floor the way you longed to.

“There is a leak,” you answered. “But it’s gonna be okay.”

Your brain had stopped functioning though and when Sally asked what you were going to do, you had nothing to answer. Instead, your heart was pounding and it was harder to breathe, and your head was spinning…

You needed help. You needed help…

You turned to Sally, and forced a smile.

“I’m going to call for help, okay? Can you go in the bathroom and bring back as many towels as you can?”

Sally nodded with a toothy grin, happy to have a mission. You knew it would keep her busy for a few minutes. You grabbed your phone, trying not to cry.

You didn’t think as you went through your contacts. You didn’t think as you pressed on call. You didn’t think as Ben’s name appeared, written in large letters on your phone. You didn’t think when you pressed your phone to your ear.

And Ben didn’t think either when he heard his phone ringing. It was quite late already, but he grabbed his phone without a thought, his fork halfway to his mouth, covered with lettuce. He didn’t think as a smile spread across his face when he read your name on his screen. He didn’t think when he accepted the call and pressed his phone to his ear.

“Good evening, Y/N!” he chimed. “What’s up?”

But he frowned as he heard the relief in your sigh.

“Ben… I’m sorry to bother but…”

You sniffed, he heard you through the phone, the sound a little distorted, but clear all the same. Ben’s smile disappeared altogether.

“Y/N? You’re okay?”

But he heard you crying. The sound broke his heart, shattered every thought, echoed through his bones.

You were sobbing, actually.

“Y/N?” he called, panicking now. “Y/N? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Where are you? Is Sally okay? Is there something wrong with Sally?”

He heard you taking a couple of deep breaths, and then you spoke again, in a voice drenched with tears.

“No, I’m alright. And Sally’s fine but… I… I have like… a huge leak in my kitchen and there’s water everywhere and I can’t… I can’t…”

Ben heaved a relieved sigh.

“What happened?”

“I was just washing vegetables to prepare dinner, and then… there was water everywhere and I… I’m sorry to bother you, but… I can’t…”

But he interrupted you.

“It’s alright, Y/N. It’s alright, don’t worry. I’m right here, I’m coming over. Did you eat anything tonight?”

“No, I was… I was preparing dinner.”

“Okay, I’m leaving my flat right now,” he said, and indeed, he was already looking for his toolbox. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes, okay? Now, you need to calm down, Y/N. Can you do that for me?”

He didn’t hear you nodding, obviously, but you did, as you dried your cheeks and sniffed again.

“I’ll be here in twenty, I need you to shut down the water in your apartment, can you do that?”

“Yes, I know where it is.”

“Alright, then you do that, and then you wait for me. I’m coming, okay? I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry I’m bothering you…”

“You’re not bothering me at all, Y/N. I’ll be right there.”

“Thank you.”

You hung up, and Ben shoved his phone in the pocket of his coat, struggling to put on his shoes as fast as he could.

Ben arrived twenty minutes later, as promised. He was carrying a large toolbox in his hand, but you had quite a few tools yourself, and he found that you were well-equipped. You were calmer again, traces of your tears lingering only in the red in your eyes.

Sally showed Ben the towels that now covered the kitchen floor.

“I brought all the towels,” she said proudly.

“You did such a good job!” he complimented her.

He took off his socks and pulled up his pants a little bit so he wouldn’t wet his clothes as he walked across the drenched towels.

“I didn’t even take a look, to be honest,” you mumbled, feeling quite ashamed now that he was here.

Because you were strong. You were a responsible adult, and you could handle yourself. Still, you didn’t doubt that you had been right to call Ben, not when he shot you a reassuring smile.

“I’ll take a look.”

After a few minutes spent hidden in the cupboard under the sink, a torchlight in his hand, he looked up at you again.

“You’re one lucky lady, you know? The seal at the junction between two pieces of pipes is leaking, but I have one just like this. It often happens with these siphons. Don’t worry, I can fix that.”

“I wasn’t aware ‘plumbing’ was one of your talents,” you teased him, and he grinned at the playful tone, knowing it was always a good sign with you.

“You always underestimate me.”

You didn’t have time to fight back, as the doorbell rang. You frowned, wondering who it could be.

“Oh, I ordered some pizza,” Ben explained.

But you kept on frowning, and Ben was suddenly worried to be overstepping, to be too much and yet, not enough…

“I… I just thought… you said you couldn’t prepare dinner so I called for a pizza while driving. I hope you don’t mind.”

At last, you walked to your front door, but Ben was right behind you.

You greeted the delivery guy, got your pizza, noticing too late that Ben was paying for your food. You thanked the stranger as you closed the door again.

You opened the box, still standing by your door, in your hallway.

Pepperoni and cheese. Sally’s favourite.

When you looked up at Ben again, you were on the verge of tears.

He blushed hard, his mouth opening and closing, taken aback by your reaction.

“Did I… Did I do something wrong?” he asked in a whisper. “I thought… I thought you liked this one.”

“It’s Sally’s favourite.”

“I know.”

You were crying by now, you couldn’t help it.

“Hey… don’t… don’t cry, I… I’m sorry,” Ben kept on apologizing and you had no idea why he was doing that because so far he was being the most amazing person you had ever met. “I… I’m sorry if I’ve done something wrong.”

You shook your head.

You wanted to kiss him so badly…

“You… Thank you so much.”

You brushed your tears away.

“Are you… are you alright?”

He wished you weren’t holding this bloody pizza box. He wanted to hug you so badly…

You remained still for a moment, lost in his eyes and him lost in yours. And for a moment, you considered letting this pizza fall and rushing into his arms and kissing him until none of you could breathe…

And for a moment, he considered grabbing this pizza box and throwing it across the corridor to finally pull you close and kiss you until none of you could breathe…

But Sally’s voice rang through your silent flat, and the spell was broken.

“A pizza!” she squealed.

You smiled fondly at her.

“Ben bought us some pizza, angel,” you explained.

“Thanks, Ben!” Sally chimed.

“You’re welcome.”

“Let’s eat it in the living room, angel. Then, you’ll be off to bed, because it’s quite late already.”

You grabbed some cutlery and a plate for your daughter, and took care of her as she ate her dinner, while Ben was working in the kitchen. You took care of Sally some more, until she was ready for bed.

Ben was surprised when she hurried to him in the kitchen, carrying Mr. Carrot in her arms.

“Good night!” she chimed, before kissing Ben on the cheek.

He grinned.

“Good night, Sally. Sleep well.”

He turned to the plushie.

“Good night, Mr. Carrot. No troubles tonight, huh!”

Sally giggled, before joining you again and letting you carry her to bed.

Fifteen minutes later, Sally was dozing off enough for you to drop a kiss in her hair, readjust her covers, and turn off the light.

You joined Ben in your kitchen again.

“How can I help?” you asked him, crouching down by his side.

“I’m almost done,” Ben answered. “Would you mind holding the light?”

You bent over, holding the torchlight towards Ben’s hands. You helped him for a while, but it was soon over, and you opened the water in your flat again.

You came back into position, on the floor, holding the light. But nothing happened. Ben was still by your side.

“Try the sink,” Ben instructed, and you complied.

Nothing happened. You looked at each other, a grin on both your faces.

“Not bad, Mr. Plumber,” you congratulated him.

“Well, thank you. See? Told you. You simply underestimate my many talents.”

“Of course, silly me.”

You seemed to notice then how close the two of you were. So close that you were almost touching. So close that you could feel his breath on your skin. So close that you were falling right into his eyes.

And you wanted to come closer, always closer, until there was no space left between the two of you. Until there was no space at all…

And he seemed to realize at the same time how easy it would be to lean over and kiss you. His eyes flicked down to your lips, red, inviting, looking so soft… He wanted to lean closer, unbelievably close, until there was no space left between the two of you. Until there was no space at all…

And he started to. His breath caught in his throat, but he didn’t mind, his heart was beating too fast and too hard in his chest for that. He leaned closer though, slowly, torturingly slow…

But then, a weird noise came from the pipes, and you had barely enough time to acknowledge the noise that water was blasted into your faces, the leak even stronger than before.

You both started, let out a surprise cry. If Ben reacted by pressing his hands against the flowing water, you were the clever one who shut down the water again. The leak receded, until it was made of mere droplets falling in the bucket you had shoved into the cupboard.

Ben and you finally looked at each other again, both of you completely drenched, his hair a mess of wet curls, while you were just as dishevelled as he was. After a couple of seconds, you both exploded with laughter.

It took you a while to calm down, but you went back to work, eventually. With your help, it took about thirty minutes to properly fix the leak. After the task was finally completed, Ben helped you cleaning everything up, and you didn’t have much convincing to do to make him stay to eat the rest of the pizza with you.

He was about to leave, it was almost midnight. You wanted him to stay, but there was no good reason to offer him, so, you let him put on his shoes again and his warm coat and his soft scarf.

He was about to leave, it would soon be midnight. He wanted to stay, but there was no good reason to offer you, so, he put on his shoes and his warm coat and his soft scarf.

When he turned to you to bid you a good night filled with sweet dreams, you seemed on the verge of tears again.

“Thank you so much,” you whispered, clearly touched. “For coming, and for helping, and for the pizza and just… for everything. Thank you so much, Ben.”

He blushed fiercely, but smiled all the same.

“It was nothing, Y/N.”

“You came to my aid very late in the evening, dropping all your plans to help me and… coming from anyone it would already mean the world, but I know how it makes you feel when your plans are changed too quickly. I hope it didn’t make you feel… uncomfortable.”

But he shook his head. You should have been right, but you weren’t. He hadn’t thought about that at all. He had planned out his evening, indeed, before you would call: a salad for dinner, some fruits as dessert, a movie, about an hour spent reading before going to bed. His usual routine. And yet…

He had dropped everything for you, and he hadn’t even thought about it. Under any other circumstances, it would have panicked him to change plans at the last minute, no matter how unimportant his evening should have been. But you had called, and you seemed in such distress and… and he didn’t even think about it, he just ran to you.

He shrugged; it was the best he could do as the realisation struck him.

“I wasn’t doing anything important. And… I’m never bothered to change my plans, if it means seeing you.”

Perhaps his confession was a little too earnest, especially considering how much his cheeks flushed as the words passed his lips and yet… and yet he didn’t mind. You were the one looking up at him. He felt safe enough with you to be himself.

Good guys never get the girl.

The words his friend had once spoken came back to his mind, but he pushed them away easily this time.

Perhaps good guys didn’t get girls like Julia. Perhaps they could get women like you?

You smiled, your eyes shining with tears that you didn’t allow to fall. You rested a hand on his shoulder, went on your tiptoes, and Ben knew what you were about to do. It was like that afternoon at the park. And indeed, you leaned up to press your lips to his cheek, and Ben leaned into your touch without a second thought, closing his eyes, enjoying fully the feeling of your lips on his skin. Too soon, you pulled away. He moved his head without thinking, as a reflex, longing for your lips on him again, and he bumped his nose into yours as he chased after you.

And as you stared into his eyes, right when he opened them again, you froze, unable to move further away. You wished he wasn’t wearing his warm coat, so you would feel his warmth under your fingers. And he wished he could lean down, act on his impulsive thoughts and kiss you. But he let you slip away, take a step back, break this moment, feeble and too fragile to last…

He cleared his throat.

“You can call me anytime, whatever you may need. I’ll be there. I’ll help you, always.”

His voice was but a tender whisper, a comforting sound that made your tears come back. Because you didn’t deserve this kind of love. You weren’t worthy of it. Liam had showed you that you were not worth sacrifices. And Ben? Ben was ready to make sacrifices for you…

He didn’t want you to cry again, Ben couldn’t bear the sight. And he was too shy and not impulsive enough to yield under his urge to kiss you, but he couldn’t help himself when he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug.

You were quite surprised, at first, but you didn’t push him away.

“You don’t have to do all this on your own,” he whispered into your ear. “You are… incredibly strong, and amazing, and clever and kind and loving and you are such a good mother, but… but it’s normal to ask for help, whenever you need it. Don’t hesitate, okay? You’ll never bother me. You’re never bothering me, Y/N. I’ll be here for you. I want to be here. Do you understand?”

You nodded, burying your face in his neck, pushing his scarf away with your nose to access his skin, your hands finally coming to close onto his coat.

You didn’t understand why he was ready to do that, but you understood what he said. You decided that it was enough, for now.

“Thank you so much, for everything, Ben,” you whispered, and he could hear that you were crying, feel the tears wet his own skin. He rested his palm against the back of your head, holding you close. “I needed help. I just… I just felt so overwhelmed by everything and… I couldn’t do it on my own. I’m sorry if it was silly…”

“It wasn’t. Of course, it wasn’t silly. You were upset, you needed help. There’s nothing silly or shameful about it. It’s just normal. You’re just human.”

He let you cry for a while, tugged safely into his neck, into his arms, against his chest. You felt so safe like this, so calm, like nothing wrong could happen as long as he held you close…

You couldn’t remember ever feeling this way, even with Liam. Not so strongly, at least.

When you broke your embrace and dried your cheeks in a hurry on your sleeves, you were smiling again. And perhaps, you didn’t need him so much anymore, at least, that’s what he thought.

And Ben longed to stay, but he left anyway.

That night, Ben was dreaming.

He knew, even if he was lost in deep slumber, that none of this was real. It couldn’t be.

The images were vivid though, unbearably so. It was almost too much. And yet, even if this was nothing but a feeble dream, he hoped it would never stop.

Because in his dream, he was not alone. You were there. You were kissing him, actually.

Dimly lit room bathed in a light he couldn’t recognise the origin of. A sunrise? A sunset? A neon light? He had no idea. All he knew was that you were kissing him, your hands in his hair, his name on your lips as you moaned.

You were naked, both of you. He knew that too. And your skin was overwhelming, warm, everything he wanted and desired. Your breathing was shallow, and your heart was beating as fast as his, the two organs in perfect sink. He could feel their united rhythm echo through his chest, as it was pressed against your own. One heartbeat shared between lovers.

And your lips and hands and skin were everywhere, his entire world. He was lying down, over you, was it in a bed? He wasn’t sure. The dream was not clear enough for that kind of detail, which was strange, because he could see with an uncanny precision every detail of your coloured irises. A perfect copy, a chimera he longed to reach.

You called for him in a whisper, half a breath and half a moan, and he had never heard such a pretty sound wrapped around the vowels and consonants of his name. But then, just as he pressed his mouth to your throat, feeling your pulse there, under his lips, under his tongue, longing to devour it whole… another sound came through. A rhythm he recognized, the pattern he feared the most.

When he opened his eyes again, there was no light at all. He was lying in his bed, on his stomach, holding his own pillow. The alarm clock was ringing. He shut it down, heaved a sigh, let himself fall back in his sheets.

It wasn’t his first dream about you. He doubted it would be the last. But it was not real. He wondered it if ever could be…

When he finally got up, he planned his morning in his head. What did he need to get done? Eat breakfast, drive to work, he had a class this morning, but then he would see you for lunch, and the thought brought a grin to his face. He had a test to prepare too, and a meeting with a student, and then he needed to work on this article of his.

But first and foremost, before he could get anything done, he needed a shower. And a cold, very cold one too…

************************************

Taglist: @sergeantbuckybarnes @reg-arcturus-black @wolfmoonmusic @idek-what-to-put @kpicard @rhapsodyonthethames

[wibble-wobbegong]

no im being taken over by the demon that is nancy wheeler. the way she treats other people’s problems is so blatantly derived from karen that it makes me insane

she so often fails to account for the issues people around her face when these issues aren’t putting them in immediate danger and we see this specifically with jonathan and mike. nancy was scared for mike in S1 because he was being hunted by the lab and he was in the pinnacle of danger, but as the seasons move on and mike is moved away from being the direct, most obvious victim nancy begins to redirect her attention.

if mike were to come to her directly about some of his issues, it’s a solid 50/50 as to whether or not she would see them as important enough to really address and we know that because of the way she never addressed her fault in the argument with jonathan in S3!! in her mind, her issues took priority because she doesn’t understand jonathan’s perspective and there isn’t a chance for her to delve into that because the giant flesh eating monster becomes another, higher priority

nancy faces a level of egocentricity but it’s not an intentional ignorance of other people’s problems or because she doesn’t care. she cares so much, and we see it with how she treats max even though she barely knows her because she wants max to be safe! she goes out and she protects jonathan from the demogorgon! nancy cares about people, she doesn’t want to watch anyone get hurt, but the household she was raised in didn’t foster a care that runs deeper than Keeping People Alive

like obviously she loves jonathan and she’s affectionate with him and has a whole speech about why she loves him. obviously (not really) she loves her brother. but, when it comes to needing to be the one to reach out, she doesn’t do it. she wasn’t raised to rely on others or let others rely on her for the small things. her idea of love comes from parents who barely care, and when they do it’s after break downs when she’s on the verge of tears or something.

jonathan and mike have also been raised to be independent people for different reasons, but they’ve also had people to connect with on a deeper level. the only person nancy really had like that died. when she tried to express her grief, she was shut down by steve and karen. karen only ever talked to her about issues she could personally relate to, and we see that reflected in nancy’s behavior

and of course it isn’t okay for her to treat people the way she does, but it’s not malicious or intentional. it’s a blindness she was raised to have and has yet to learn to overcome. in the same way el shouldn’t be smashing people’s faces in and mike shouldn’t have said what he said in the rain fight and will shouldn’t have shouldered the disconnect between him and mike entirely on mike’s shoulders, nancy shouldn’t only be valuing life threatening problems — but all of those actions have reasons. none of that is superficial or a flaw for the sake of flaws. it’s something to grow from and create a captivating arc with

n e way i actually love nancy and my hating in the past was very mike focused. her character is so interesting to me and i desperately want to put her under a microscope

[wackpedion]

i know you're gonna get like 10 million seth asks for the ask game so i'm gonna send in dipper pines instead!!!

DIPPERRRRR ouhhhh I love him so much. ok so from this ask game:

favorite thing about them

Can I just say everything??? Idk he's just. such a silly. just a boy. He loves his sister, is anxiety riddled and insecure, very trans and autistic, a bright and curious kid, he's just amazing overall. He does has his flaws but that just adds to his lovable charm, like he's just a kid!!! ofc he'll be selfish and get up to trouble, and I wholly support it !

least favorite thing about them

Nothing. His crush on Wendy does make me cringe a bit but its ok I forgive him.

favorite line

CAN I SAY THE LAST LINE OF THE SERIES I think it was the last I don't remember. It's so good pulls at my heart. "If you've ever taken a road trip through the Pacific Northwest, you've probably seen a bumper sticker for a place called Gravity Falls. It's not on any maps and most people have never heard of it. Some people think it's a myth. But if you're curious, don't wait. Take a trip. Find it. It's out there, somewhere in the woods... waiting."

also one of the Funny Lines that come to mind is "Pacific is the worst! And I'm not just saying that out of the jealousy, I would say it to her face." [Cue Dipper opening the door to Pacifica] "You're the worst." [Slams door]

brOTP

FORD well it's more familial but I think it counts. Their relationship as uncle and nephew is sososoo important to me... Them both being nerds, how Dipper looks up to Ford and want's to be like him, the obvious parallels drawn between the sets of twins in general. Ughhhh. If we're going for a more strictly defined Friend relationship tho ermmm idk .the thing with Gravity Falls is that there's a lack of characters around Mabels and Dippers age, and the ones that exist tend to serve as antagonists

OTP

DIPCIFICAAAA not like there's many other options, as stated above. but still ughhhh they're so cute Northwest Manor Mystery ☹☹☹☹ The episode of all time. It was so cute and nice to see Pacifica show a softer side and prove herself as more than just a rich girl stereotype

nOTP

None really, theres nothing I'm particularly averse to. I suppose Candy and Dipper? Although I haven't seen many if any people actually ship that. Oh actually Wendipper I Can't with LMAO. First of all Dipper is too cringefail, second of all not fond of the age gap, third of all I just can't see Wendy being into him like Please. oh also not a big fan of Pinecest. ok seems like I Was able to turn up nOTPs lmfao

random headcanon

gonna make one up rn He's what I call conditionally ambidextrous, like me! Basically he naturally uses his left hand for certain things, and his right for others. Also that he'll need/get glasses as he grows up :3

unpopular opinion

I am wholly indifferent to billdip and IDC if people ship it, It's not my business what other people do with their pixels. and tbh the themes of manipulation and a power dynamic can be interesting when explored a certain way

song i associate with them

Oh I haven't thought about this.... gimme a moment... ermm Puppet Boy by DEVO? Cuz of that one episode lmao

favorite picture of them

I am not in a place to go through episodes and take screenshots (I am in class) so I am just going off of what turns up on google

This is SUCH a cool shot, the whole sequence of Bill coming into scene in general was so creative and amazing. And it comes from my favourite episode <3

Also idk if this counts but, Bipper <3 what a silly guy

[owmylasagna-blog]

So, how can I explain myself... I think Ed being too goody or just a mediator kind of kept him from any character development. Where Edd and Eddy grow, change and learn something or with each other, Ed remains the same from start to end of the story. He's basically guiltless or already ''flawless''. Gets it?

I'm a major defender of Ed's flaws or jerky moments for a reason.

Sorry, I missed this in my inbox! You’ll have to forgive me. I can’t even remember to finish a can of seltzer these days.

For a show that’s pretty nonlinear, where there isn’t continuity of events from one episode to the next, the fact that there is any character development at all is sort of amazing. There has been some discussion among fans about the progression of the characters from their season 1 personalities to their season 5/6/BPS personalities and attributing that to intentional character development VS the writers were sort of growing with the characters over a 10 year run or wanting to do something new.

I do think Ed’s character does change along with his friends but it’s not so obvious because again I think he’s just not as dramatic. Underneath that monobrow I interpret a decently rich internal life, spending large portions of time in his imagination so that he doesn’t have to face the harsh realities of his shitty home life and maybe to a lesser degree being socially ostracized. Working that assumption, it’s sort of hard to change who you are when you’re actively avoiding reality. The main thing that does change is that he becomes much more distracted, possibly for the reasons I’ve suggested and the stress of the school environment: dude is truly out to lunch by later seasons, and in a worrying way. Which is all to say I don’t think he’s “flawless” or flat compared to Edd or Eddy in my opinion.

Your questions also reminded me of something else. One argument I read a while back I think from potatoes-tomatoes was that BPS is the big pivotal moment for Edd and Eddy finally finding the acceptance and belonging they needed in each other, while Ed by default of being an Ed from the inception of their friendship found that belonging early on and had already embraced it. So arguably he doesn’t need to go through as much character growth because he’s content. That’s just one different take that I liked too!

[hopefull-mindset]

I’m eating up all of your Komaeda and Hinata analyses, they’re just so clear and detailed! This might just be my bias, but I’m wondering about your perspective on komahina gradually (hopefully) healing together. I feel like the majority of the fandom mostly focuses on how Hinata would help Komaeda, probably because it seems the more obvious and Komaeda’s worldview is the more obviously skewed. But I feel like Komaeda also has the potential to, at least to an extent, help Hinata heal from his experiences. I don’t doubt that Hinata learned something from the simulation, but he also has a flawed perception of talent and a very low self worth, and I bet it wouldn’t go away overnight. Of course, this comes with the assumption that they would get along again post SDR2, which could be another thing to analyze for sure. Let me know what you think!

Ah I’m flustered again with your kind words! Thank you, I try my best to make sure my point is well explained with backed up reasoning since I tend to suffer intellectually when people don’t do that themselves. Especially when it’s a claim that has no backing but everyone takes at face value *grumble* *grumble*. It doesn’t have to be confirmed canon to be a creditable analysis, a good analyzer doesn’t need to rely on the creator’s every word, but it also can’t just contradict canon itself (unless, if you’re dr3, you contradict canon already and so it’s expected to discard it as creditable). Death of the author doesn’t work like that and it just comes off arrogant, you’re supposed to be working with canon Jesus Christ. Unless it’s a very specific situation where the creator is just garbage at handling their own work, I don’t think anyone deserves that right.

Oops sorry I went off into a tangent. I’m getting a little pissed at what people think is an analysis at all.

Now, with them healing post-game… you’re gonna have to stick with me because this is a lot to speak about. We all want them to be happy together as fellow Komahina shippers do haha, so it’s not you alone that has this bias, but it’s not going to be as quick and easy as the anime shows it to be.

To start, it’s sweet that people do think Hajime can help Komaeda because he can, but they’re going in the wrong direction with this. Hajime is not his nurse, therapist, or at his personal beck and call. Everyone on the island is healing, not just Komaeda. They’re both adults and he doesn’t need to nanny him. Komaeda most likely is going to need more attention medically considering his already poor health and the severed hand of Junko, but mentally? Everyone is pretty much going through some version of mental instability.

Now that’s out of the way, you’re right. People do focus on how Hajime can help him over how Komaeda can help him because it’s more obvious to us. We’re all (hopefully) aware that Hajime had the most positive/impactful influence out of anyone in the cast because of his way of somehow worming into Komaeda’s heart due to their “special bond” and put on a different, more personal level compared to the ultimates. The fact that Hajime proves against what he’s believed in just by being Hajime also works in the favor that Hajime would be the most helpful for him to grow closer with.

I’m glad you brought it up because Komaeda would definitely be as much help to Hajime. A lot of fans have a bad habit of thinking Hajime is much more stable than the rest of the cast and has solutions to everything, when Hajime is also growing with them. Komaeda is deceptively perceptive in how he interacts with Hajime in game. It feels rude when he does target his thoughts toward Hajime and gives his own insight on Hajime’s own person, but he’s never wrong about him when you look back at what’s being said.

When he went on that tangent after finding out what was in Hajime’s file in chapter 4, it was uncalled for to dump that all onto a person at once, but none of what he said about Hajime was wrong. All of it that he said about Hajime admiring hopes peak and what Hajime thought he could be by attending, none of it was objectively wrong. To defend Komaeda in this instance though, he wasn’t being mean on purpose, he was spelling out his own thoughts after being hit with the worst news ever.

However, even in the FTEs when he brings up how similar they are and him being a “miserable bystander” like himself, Hajime always rejects him and by proxy rejects himself. He rejects the part of himself that’s clearly seen in Komaeda at every instance because it’s inconvenient to recognize. Now though, he needs to recognize this if he’s going to accept himself and do what he promised to do outside of the simulation.

To reject Komaeda is to reject himself, that’s why I think it’d benefit both of them to heal with each other and in my wishful thinking, become closer. Another tidbit, as unnerving as Komaeda can be, Komaeda’s uplifting words do clearly make Hajime feel better, especially in chapter 1, and is hurt when he’s the target of distrust or ridicule by Komaeda even after their relationship becomes rocky (oh Hajime, he doesn’t mean it like that). Komaeda is not in the greatest position to help anyone, but these two points would partly help Hajime the most.

To get anywhere near that type of intimacy to let another person get that close to your whole being, especially in their situation, it’s uh. I’m already wincing imagining it play out. Again, It’s glossed over how much work it’s going to take in general for them to heal as a group, but god a relationship like theirs? The only thing I can say is yikes!

Contrary to popular opinion (or unpopular considering what side of the fandom you’re on), it’s not Hajime that’s going to put the most obstacles and barriers between them, it’s Komaeda. Hajime is already on the path of self-reflection and growth, so while for him it’s going to be nerve wracking to try and connect with again, it’s not going to be impossible for him. He already went out of his way to try and understand Komaeda when he’s able to in-game, even after all that Komaeda had did considering his attitude towards listening to his final words when you interact with his cottage after trial 5. It doesn’t make his feelings any less complicated or any less harder for him to confront Komaeda, but he’s going to be more willing in comparison. Komaeda’s side of this is where the real mess starts.

Geez, where do I begin? For one, he’s not gonna be typical Komaeda the way the anime tricks you he’d be. I don’t think he’d be angry at anyone in particular after waking up and finding out everyone is alive. He never was angry at them in the first place, he just stopped idolizing them and did what he thought was right due to his anger at what they decided to become. Questionable I know, but that’s how Komaeda is. Instead, I think Komaeda would just be more lost than he already was, more so after finding out what happened after he “died” and their decision to move forward.

He already keeps to himself, but I think he’d do it more so. I’m not sure he’d know what to say to any of them anymore besides his honest thoughts, which never goes well. He could go back to praising their talents, but for what? Their potential Hope when they’ve already plagued the world with the despair using their talents? What a joke. Again, he can’t easily just let go of what’s essentially his lifeline so that behavior would probably be reserved for people like Naegi or Kirigiri.

Eventually him and Hajime are gonna talk and it’s not going to be pretty. Im sure you can imagine it. This isn’t me saying they don’t have that potential to reconnect because if you remember correctly, he quite literally only apologizes to Hajime in his final message and to his own confusion, says he still cares for him even after what he found out. It’ll just take way longer than just a couple months. It’s not going to be as smooth as it could be, but they’ll try.

Other than that, the only thing to really address is the can of worms that is romantic possibilities. He’s able to truly call him a friend when grown close enough to each other and does show visible improvement in this closeness in stuff like utdp/DrS or Island Mode, but that was already hard enough as it is for Komaeda. I’m not gonna deny that Komahina is “one-sided” in all technical meaning, but not in the way it’s usually used by others. It being one sided means nothing toward Hajime’s general feelings for Komaeda. He still cares about Komaeda regardless of other feelings, but one-sided shouldn’t mean that their relationship stays stagnant?? People use it as if it’s a gatcha to Komahina shippers, which is hilarious.

I don’t like using one sided to describe their relationship as it now has this connotation that Hajime is never going to love him back, and pretty much is an oversimplification of what’s actually preventing him from gaining feelings as well. One-sided is too jarring for me to place on their too complicated mess of a relationship. Kaimaki is one-sided in that I can’t see Kaito responding to her feelings the same way, but somehow they’re suddenly more possible because it’s heterosexual. Too stupid.

Romance should not be important in the healing stage and would probably make things more messy, putting too much importance in romance devalues their relationship to only their ship. Komahina antis are much more guilty of this than the shippers, but it’s a problem I’ve seen with both. If you were to really ask me if Hajime would ever love Komaeda the way Komaeda loves him, then that’s really up to how close Komaeda lets him understand and empathize with him. That’s the only real obstacle here and not one people address well enough.

Hajime could definitely love him otherwise if given the opportunity, but it would destroy Komaeda to let him in that close for him to disappear from his life because of his luck. Issues are complex. Anyway, I hope I answered satisfactory! I could’ve said more, but I’d like to hold those thoughts for another post and I would like to stay on topic believe it or not.