#he met erskine in 43

[camerica]

[lucisfavoritedemon]

Crossed Oceans of Time

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Summary: Y/n always thought her hope was lost till an unexpected call from an old friend has her traveling across time to save the man she thought was once lost in an ocean of time.

Warnings: angst, fluffy fluff, cursing, hopelessness (idk why I make the reader so depressed)

Word Count: 4122

A/N: This is written for @sweeterthanthis Quote Me On It 6k Challenge. The prompt I chose was “I have crossed oceans of time to find you.” -Dracula. This story takes place during the events of End Game. I have incorporated the quote into the story. It will be bolded AND italicized. All mistakes are mine. 

Enjoy!

Everything I had seen had been a blur up to this point. My life flashed by so quick I never had a chance to process it all. Originally born in 1922, I never believed I would be able to see the day when technology would thrive. Here I am in 2023, 101 years later seeing the miracle of technology. 

I am a super soldier. One of the first experiments before Steve Rogers, aka Captain America. I volunteered myself to Dr. Erskine's experimentation, so he could develop a better, more safe serum. 

I fought by Rogers' side in many battles, including the one that would take his best friend. There is something you do not know though, of me and Sergeant Barnes. 

I had fallen for him. Not just a usual school girl crush, no. It was full blown love. Like my body had been struck by lightning the moment I laid eyes on him. 

I could sit and talk for hours about Bucky, and how much he meant to me, but that would be pointless. Bucky was gone and yet I couldn't move on. Something was keeping my heart from finding love again. 

Steve and I fought one last time together to defeat Red Skull. We thought it was the end for us, that we would be with Bucky again, but fate is a cruel mother thing. Oddly enough, the serum in our veins stopped our bodies from dying. It preserved us and helped us stay alive. 

When I woke up, all I remembered was crashing the ship. I had no recollection of anything else after. That's when we found out we were in the year 2012. For 70 years we were on ice. Poor Steve was heartbroken about Peggy, and I couldn't help but wish I was with Bucky. 

Time flew by like it was nothing, and all I felt I did was stand still and watch it go by. Steve and I had parted ways after we got back. I was hired to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. which I didn’t mind till in 2014 it all came crashing down. Almost quite literally. S.H.I.E.L.D. had HYDRA growing right under its nose. I was again left alone with nothing but a shattered heart.

Nick Fury tried to help me get back onto my feet but I wanted nothing to do with him, or anyone anymore. I was too heartbroken to even think about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I really just wanted my Bucky back. That’s all I could ever ask of the world. 

Five years ago, something happened. I felt like my life had fallen apart again. All the friends I had attempted to make, all disappeared. I wasn’t the only one who lost people they loved and cared for. I finally felt maybe other people out there were feeling the same way I did.

Here in 2023, I have been without the love of my life for almost 80 years. I kept asking why I got to live while he was taken from the world so soon. I never got the answer to that rhetorical question, asked to no one in particular. That was till I got a peculiar call from an unknown number. I answered it hoping it would be the reaper I hoped to be greeted by to take me to the love of my life.

“Y/n?” It was a voice I hadn’t heard in almost a decade. One I thought I’d probably never hear again either.

“Steve.” I sounded cheery for once since I had been out of the ice.

“Hey. How are you doing? I know it’s been years since we talked, but I wanted to see if you wanted to go for a drive? Just you and me.” He asked, and I could tell he was smiling some on the other end.

“That sounds lovely, Steve. I’ve been hanging in there. Since S.H.I.E.L.D. and the whole HYDRA thing, I’ve just been laying low.”

“Where are you living now?” Steve queried.

“I’m living in Brooklyn actually. In my old neighborhood. 

“You used to live in Brooklyn before the war?”

“Yep. I actually lived above the antique shop. You know the one.”

“Yeah. I didn’t know we lived so close, yet we never met you till Erskine introduced us.”

“Yeah. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel the way I do now…” I sounded melancholy.

“I’m not too far from where you are. Meet where the antique shop used to be. We can talk more then, I have something I think you would love to hear.”

“Okay. I’ll meet you there.” I said, and hung up quickly. I knew there was nothing he could have told me that would make me jump for joy. He couldn’t say anything that would make my smile come back. It was gone, and faded with time.

I met him where that antique shop used to be, and I could almost picture it all. The cobblestone streets, the kids playing baseball, the world used to be a different place back then. It’s not like it was anymore, and I wish that it kind of was. 

“Hey.” Steve smiled, walking up to me.

“Hi.” I gave a small smile, but he could tell I had sadness written all over my face.

“What’s wrong?” Concern spread across his face.

“Nothing. This is just how I smile now.”

“Whoever took away your beautiful, contagious smile is going to pay.”

“Time took my smile away.”

“”Come on. I want to talk to you about something.” His smile grew wider as he led me to his car. 

He opened the door for me, and I climbed in. I buckled up as he climbed into the driver’s seat. We headed out of the city, down the countryside. The scenery was beautiful, but I still couldn’t bring myself to start a conversation.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. I have been for 11 years. What’s 40 more gonna do right?” I gave an extremely sad smile.

“Is this about Bucky?”

“There were so many times in my life where we could have met. Maybe just a year longer with him, and I would be able to move on, or maybe not. I was in love with him, Steve. The way I felt the night we first met, it was like everything in my life finally made sense. I felt like I had a purpose.”

“He’s actually the reason I wanted to talk to you.”

“What do you mean?”

“He was alive. I need your help getting him back.”

“What do you mean? That’s impossible. We both watched him die.”

“Remember when all those men were captured from the 107th, including Bucky, back in ‘43?”

“Yeah, and we went to rescue them.”

“Bucky was experimented on by Armin Zola. Turned into a super soldier himself.”

“Okay and?”

“Whatever Zola did to him, it helped him survive the fall.”

“So what I’m understanding is, you knew he was alive this entire time, and you’re just now telling me about it?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I need your help getting him back now.”

“Okay. You keep saying that, but if he is alive, why would we need to get him back?”

“Remember 5 years ago when half the earth’s population just vanished?”

“Yeah?”

“Bucky was part of that half.”

“And you think we can get him back?”

“I think we can bring back all the life lost 5 years ago. It requires us going back in time though.”

“Time travel? You’re promising time travel in a time where we thought flying cars were going to be a thing.”

“It’s possible though. We’ve tested it, and everything is up and working. We have all the dates in order, we just need the man power.”

“Alright, if it means bringing Bucky back, I’ll do it.”

“Thank you.”

Steve drove us to a huge building practically in the middle of nowhere. There I was greeted by a group of people, one of which I recognized from a brief meeting years ago. The others I didn’t know. I mean one man looked oddly familiar, but I could quite put my finger on where I had seen him before.

“Everyone, this is Y/n. She is an old friend of mine.” Steve introduced me.

“I may be old, but I sure don’t feel like it.”

“Join the club.” Steve chuckled.

“I’m Natasha. We met briefly in D.C. a few years back.” The woman I had recognized approached.

“Yes, I remember you. It’s nice to officially meet you on slightly good terms. While not being utterly terrified by a man with a metal arm.” I smiled slightly, trying to imagine how it would feel to see Bucky once more.

“So how do you two know each other?” The man that I swore looked familiar, spoke up.

“Steve and I fought together during the war.”

“Does that mean she also knew Barnes?” The man questioned.

“Yes. She did. In fact they were together for two years before HYDRA took him.”

“How does he know about Bucky?” I asked, growing concerned.

“It’s a long story.”

“I’m Tony Stark by the way.” The man spoke up, and everything was now coming together.

“I knew you looked familiar to me somehow. You look just like your father.”

“Yeah, well, join the club with everyone who says that.” Tony sounded irritated.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Y/n, it’s alright.” Steve spoke up before Tony could say anything.

He could probably tell I was freaking out. My goal was to help, not make things worse. I could tell by just opening my mouth, I was doing just that. Steve started to rub my back to calm me down.

“Is everything okay?” Natasha asked.

“She’s been through a lot. She didn’t even know Bucky was alive until a couple hours ago.” Steve replied.

“For so long I wished that something would happen so I could be back in his arms again. Now, I have a chance to see him again, and not in the afterlife. He is the man of my dreams, the love of my life. I have never felt this way about anyone before, and the fact that I have tried to move on, but couldn't just shows that I truly did love him.”

“Does she know about him?” Tony asked.

“Not about that. She doesn’t need to know.” Steve stated sternly.

“Know about what? Steve? What aren’t you telling me?”

“Stark, I agree with Steve. If she knew about him, her opinion of him may change.” Natasha interjected.

“She deserves to know the man she loved then will not be the man she is getting back.”

“What are you all going on about?”

“Barnes was the man with the metal arm you spoke of.” Tony blurted out.

“You’re wrong. Bucky would never hurt anyone. He was someone who put others before himself. He would never kill anyone.”

Steve just gave an angry look to Tony. I didn’t know who to believe. Natasha just gave me an apologetic look. I couldn’t read anyone, they all seemed to look angry or apologetic, and I didn;t know who to believe.

“Maybe the Barnes you knew wouldn’t, but over 70+ years, people change.” Tony stated before walking inside.

“Steve? Was Bucky really the man with the metal arm? If he was, I want to know. It won’t change how I feel. I just need to know, so I can help him when he comes back.”

“Yes. He was what the world knew as the Winter Soldier. He isn;t like that anymore. I promise, but he is broken and traumatized from what HYDRA did to him.”

“Understandable. Now let’s go get him and everyone else back.” I smiled, and walked inside. I didn’t have to fake one anymore. I was just happy that I finally had the chance to see Bucky again. That maybe seeing each other again could mend our souls a little bit.

Steve led me to a room where he told me to suit up. I threw on the suit laid out for me, and met the others on the main level. Steve handed me two little vials which he told me would help take me where I needed to be. He told me I was to stay with him to make sure nothing happened to me. I was perfectly okay with that.

We were all ready to find these stones. Steve showed me a picture of the stones him, Tony, Scott, and I were to be getting. I just wanted to get this over with, to be with Bucky once more. I have waited a long time for this moment, and I just couldn’t wait any longer. 

“Everyone ready?” Bruce asked.

“See you guys in a minute.” Natasha smiled.

We all shrunk down, and our groups went separate ways. I made sure to not lose sight of Steve as we landed in our desired time. We all started walking the tattered streets of New York City, and I knew where we had landed.

“Banner, you find the time stone, Stark and Lang, you two get the tesseract. I’ll get the scepter.” Steve directed.

“What about me?” I asked, curious what my task would be.

“You are staying right here. We’ll all meet right back here once we have secured our items.”

“Why am I here then if you don’t need me?”

“In case things go south.”

I roll my eyes, “fine. I’ll stay here.”

“Thank you.”

They all walk off, and I stay put where they told me to. I listen to them talking on comms to each other. They were pretty entertaining if I was being honest. That was until they started saying they lost the tesseract. Things looked hopeless now.

“What are we gonna do now? The tesseract is gone, and we don’t have any more of the capsules.” Scott paced.

“I have an extra capsule that will get me where I want to be. Please let me do this Steve?”

“Fine. I think I have an idea where you might be going. Just be careful okay?” He hands me something, “put it in here when you grab it.”

“I will. I promise I’ll be careful. I’ll see you guys when I have aquired the tesseract.” I smile.

I plug in the time and date that I wanted, and shrunk down traveling back to January 1945. The day Steve and I put the plane in the water. I remember seeing Red Skull holding it that day, right before he disappeared actually. Maybe that’s what Steve meant by ‘be careful’.

I headed straight to the hanger, and climbed inside. I hid until I knew it was safe to come out. Which meant waiting till Red Skull took off. I waited for Steve, and I to start fighting Red Skull. I came out and prepared to grab the tesseract. I had the special case Steve handed me before I left.

When Red Skull disappeared, and Steve and I went to man the ship, I grabbed the tesseract. I plugged in the date to head back, and shrunk down again, heading back to the correct timeline. I arrived as everyone else returned as well. I looked around to make sure everyone was there, but one person was missing.

“Clint, where’s Nat?” Bruce asked, looking at Clint.

“Barton, where is she?” Tony asked, being more stern.

“She’s gone...it should have been me.” He sounded so sad. I felt for him. I knew how it felt to lose someone I cared so much about.

They all gathered by the water mourning Natasha’s sacrifice. I let them have their moment. It wasn’t my place to be with them while they grieved. It just didn’t seem right, or fair to them. I sat in the lab waiting for them to come back, and assemble the gauntlet.

Steve walked in and sat next to me, “how did it go?”

“It went well. It was weird seeing Red Skull and you, and me. I think I managed well though. Why did you give me an extra capsule?”

“I figured you would go and help us, then I’d let you go and be with Bucky. Get the time you lost back.”

“That makes no sense if I lose him in the end anyways.”

“Maybe part of me hoped you would change his fate. That way you never lost him. You would never have to know what it was like to lose him.”

“That’s really sweet of you Steve, but I don’t think that would be right. For me or him.”

“I understand. I just want you to know that your pain hasn’t gone unnoticed.”

“I’m glad it hasn’t, but I really wish you knew how much I needed you too. I didn’t just miss Bucky, you were my friend too.”

“I know, but you haven’t been the same since you thought he died. You have been more closed off, you don’t smile, or laugh like you used to. I just want you to be happy again. I want to see that beautiful smile, and hear your contagious laugh once more.”

“You will again one day. Right now though, you need to help the others make this gauntlet.” I gave a half smile before moving out of the way so the others could do their job.

I sat outside with my eyes closed. Just waiting for someone to walk up to me and make sure I was okay. The light from the sun was dimmed like a shadow moved in front of me. I smiled before opening my eyes, thinking that Steve, or maybe Bucky, was standing in front of me. When I looked, I saw something that looked like a meteor heading right for the building.

I tried to run inside, but it was too late. The ball, or cannon, or whatever had already hit the building. I wiggle my way out from under the debris, but I could tell I had a pretty severe wound on my abdomen. I tried to call out to someone, but I got no response. I hoped that everyone was alright. 

I finally was able to stand up, and walked outside. There I saw Thor standing, and watching someone. I walked over to him, putting pressure on my side to make sure I stopped the bleeding. That’s when I saw Steve walking up to him too.

“What’s he doing?” Steve asked, looking where Thor was looking.

“He’s just sitting there.” Thor responded. “He doesn’t have the gauntlet right?”

“Not that I can see.”

“Let’s keep it that way.” Steve said, walking over to me.

“Who is that guy?” I asked, looking confused.

“That’s Thanos. He’s the reason half the earth’s population disappeared 5 years ago.”

“Did he figure out what we were planning?”

“It’s not the same Thanos. The one from our time, Thor killed him.” Steve said, walking over to him.

“I used to think that destroying half the planet's life would be good enough, but the other half that stuck around seems to be ungrateful. Looks like I may have to destroy this world, and create a new one, one that will be grateful for the world I have provided.”

That’s when Thor charged at Thanos, and the fight began. Tried to fight as much as I could, but I was losing more and more blood every second. I ran at him, thinking he was going to hurt Steve, but he stopped me and threw me against some rubble. I attempted to get up, but the pain was too much to fight anymore.

I watched as Steve prepared to fight by himself. I wish I had the strength to stand up and fight next to him. I just couldn’t bear the pain anymore. That’s when I heard a voice over comms that sounded kind of familiar. 

“Cap, can you read me. On your left.” The voice said, and these vortex-like things opened up, and out walked three people.

Steve turned to me, and saw that I was on the ground. He reached his hand out to me, and I took it, standing up. He smiled at me, and prepared to fight. That’s when armies of people walked through these vortexes. I stayed close to Steve, finding comfort in the one person I knew fairly well. 

“You okay?” He asked.

“I’ll be okay. I just want this douchebag dead. He took Bucky away, and now he wants to destroy the entirety of planet earth. He deserves what’s coming to him.” 

Steve smiled, “you really haven’t changed a bit. More depressed than what I remember, but your attitude is still the same.” He chuckled lightly.

I giggled, and prepared to fight to the end. I didn’t care if I died, I just wanted Steve and Bucky to live. Steve stood at the front of the army he was leading, perhaps into our last battle. I was ready to do anything. I had found my hidden strength to keep fighting till I physically couldn’t keep fighting anymore. That was quicker to come than I thought. I knew I was losing a lot of blood, but I didn’t know how quickly. Turns out when Thanos threw makeup against the rubble, I created an even bigger wound. 

Only a few minutes into the now fair fight, I started to get really dizzy. I tried to grab a hold of someone before I fell, but there was no one around me. I hit the ground and I was out for the count.

~*~

I don’t know how long I had been out for, or if I was still even alive. To my surprise, and Steve’s happiness, I was.

“Hey there sweetheart.” Steve smiled, gripping my hand tightly.

“Did we win?” Of course that would be my first question. It was the first question I asked when we came out of the ice.

He chuckled, but his look turned sad, “we won, but we lost at the same time.”

“What do you mean? Did he snap them away again?” My heart was pounding in my chest. The fear painted across my face.

“No. Everyone who disappeared is back, but Tony...he snapped Thanos and his army away, but he didn’t make it.” Steve gave me an extremely sad look.

I squeezed his hand, not even paying attention to the fact someone had just walked into the room. I didn’t even notice the person till Steve looked over to them, and got up. I couldn’t quite tell who it was because where they were standing was kind of dark. That and my eyes were fully adjusted yet, but I could tell they were tall and well built, they also had semi-long hair.

“Go on. She’s been waiting.” Steve spoke up, seeing me stare at them.

The person came closer, and I was met with their mesmerizing blue eyes. I smiled at them as they came over to sit down. He seemed closed off, or just really shy. I couldn’t quite get a read on him for whatever reason. 

“Hey.” He gave a very small smile, almost shy.

“Hey.” I smile more. 

“I’ve missed that smile.” Steve spoke up.

I giggled, “well it’s thanks to you that I feel like I can be happy again.”

The man sitting next to me just looked down. I put my hand out for him to take. He grabbed it very gently. It was colder than I thought it would be. I looked down, and saw a metal hand. He tried to pull away, but I gripped his hand tight.

“You’re not scared?” He asked.

“Because I have crossed oceans of time to find you.” I smile wide, bringing his hand to my lips, kissing it gently.

Steve smiled, “you knew it was him the whole time didn’t you?”

“Of course. Those eyes are unforgettable, and his voice is unmistakable.” I felt the hand around mine tighten, and his smile got bigger.

“I’ve missed you doll. I’ve missed you so much.” Bucky spoke.

“I missed you too. I never thought that I would ever see you again.”

We stared lovingly at each other for a while. Enjoying just taking in the fact that he was back into my life. That I had him back. That the best thing that ever happened to me was back. It was the best feeling in the world, one that I thought I would never be able to feel again. I finally felt like my heart had been put back together, and Bucky held the mold in his hands.

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Tuesday 22 January 1839

8 ¼

12 ¾

fine frosty morning F39 ½° inside at 9 ¼ and 36° 2 or 3 minutes afterwards outside breakfast at 9 20 in ½ hour – Booth came soon after 10 – a little while with him and then with Robert Norton ordering about the west tower window frames – will have them glazed with common glass – iron or wood frame-work within the present frame so as to bring the panes within moderate compass – off to H-x about 11 with A- walked down the new bank – left my boots at Matthew Booths’, Booth (David) having carried them – sent him forward to Whitleys’ with a large prayer book of Mrs. AW.-‘s to be bound saying we would call by and by – B- met us in Hatters’ street – looked over the empty cottages there – and standevens’ house – talked of building another room and chamber over it at the end of Hintons’ back kitchen and letting this latter and the new built 2 rooms separately at £4 per annum – then to Mrs. Gledhills’ – thinking to make of her house and Holsteads’ 2 ten pound votes – A- gave Mrs. G- till next Saturday 3 weeks to get into her new house in copper street – then to Cassons’ timber yard and workshop, to see into his valuation of things he wishes A- to take on his quitting – his valuation about £59+ SW.’s about £42 or 43+ both too much – advised A- to have nothing to do with either and to take nothing unless they would sell the side-stones ( a set-stone or flag fence) at 1/3 per yard = 21 yards tho’ the fence only 10 yards in length .:. the side-stone measured face-measured, that is according to the quantity of superficial foot contained Casson had valued the naked floor of the workshop at 3/6 per yard – and SW. at 2/4 – I thought 2/. quite enough and DB. had come to the same conclusion Casson had valued the roof of the shade at 35/. per square and SW. at 27/. and I at 25/. and B- quite agreed with me – could have new roofing from 30/. to 35/. (at the latter price very good) per square; and 25/. per square quite as much as the roof in western is worth – A- told B- to see the towns’ man about the towns’ water into Hatters’ street, and about the cellar drain opening out – done by Mr. Husband insufficiently – It was now after 2 – left B- and went to Taylors’ the tinners removed to George street – then to the library – gave our names as subscribers to Moores’ 4 views of the interior of our parish church price 1 guinea – Mr. Moore having got all the subscribers he can, employs Crowther to get what he can, and gives him 1 1/2p.c. on the subscriptions thus obtained – I said we did not care much about the views for the sake of giving C- his percentage would subscribe – brought away with us 5 vols. – Keppel Cravens’ excursions in the Abruzzi 2 8vo and and the honourable James Erskine Murrays’ summer in the Pyrenees 2 8vo. and vol. 1 12mo Roby’s tour in Belgium etc – then to Whitleys’ – I paid my bill for last years’ periodicals – and bought Hudsons’ land valuers assistant (little book of tables of prices) 3/6 published at 4/. and ordered the architects and engineers transactions just published – A- bought Lord Lindays’ travels in the Holy land etc. – 2 vols. 8vo. – then called for a minute or 2 at Mrs. Battys’ confectioners’ and then walked slowly home up the new bank – arrived at 4 20 – John footman at the stable door ready to mount – asked if we had seen John from Cliff hill, who had been here to say,

SH:7/ML/E/22/0105

they thought Mrs. Walker was dying and he was gone for Mr. Jubb!!! A- ran upstairs – I went into the stable and gently said I was sorry John had told Miss Walker so abruptly, and begged him to ride close after her – I just went upstairs and said I would walk forwards to Cliff hill and should be there soon after A- herself – she passed me at Listerwick or soon after – I had set off at 4 25 and was at Cliff Hill at 5 – Mr. Jubb arrived in a fiacre at the moment I arrived and we went in together – I briefly explained all I knew – I had calculated a little on the ignorance and fears of Mrs. AW.s’ servants but was agreeably surprised to Mrs. AW. downstairs, and on seeing her for a minute or 2 after Mr. Jubb had seen her, I perceived no alteration in her speech nor did I think her looking at all worse than on Sunday – she asked me to have wine as usual, and seemed so like herself I should not have found out that anything was the matter – Mr. J- however said she had had a slight paralytic seizure, and he had ordered leeches under the ear (left side) and would see her at 8 1/2am tomorrow -  he said her state was precarious but had no doubt the leeches would relive her, and that she would pass a comfortable night – he thought her a little excited and for of alarming her, of letting her think herself worse than she might otherwise think herself he thought A- had better not stay all night but go early in the morning – I immediately proposed Mr. J-‘s setting us down at the Lodge, and calling for A- in the morning (at 8 am) – he did set us down there, and we came in before 6 – out in the stable ordering about horse corn etc. – dressed – A- wrote before and after dinner long letter to her sister account of Mrs. AW. and answer to Mrs. Sutherlands’ letter received tonight dinner at 7 – read the first few pp. of Lord Lindsay – A- read French – coffee – A- finished her letter to her sister – and I till 10 ½ wrote the whole of today – George Wood the groom returned this afternoon or rather this evening just before our dinner – his mother very ill, and not likely to recover – fine frosty day – A-s’ answer to her sister, they are liable to repair all damages done by the storm to tenants not under lease – had better take Anthony Bancroft, and Joseph Binns, and not plough the Rogers this year ashle might be here by and by and could then give her answer on the spot – Mr. Adam when here on Tuesday last said tenants under lease were liable to damage done by the storm, but if not under lease, i.e. if tenants at will the common law made the proprietors’ (the owners) liable to all damage by fire or tempest – reading tonights’ London paper (morning Herald) till came upstairs at 11 ½ at which hour F37° inside – and 32 ½° outside at 11 ¾ pm

[throwmyheartawayagain]

The Good, The Bad, The Precious

Here is my entry for @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan Multi Fandom Follower Celebration. I hope I was able to capture that Stark Snark properly! Thank you, Star, for letting me participate in the challenge!!

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Tony Stark, Reader

Pairing: Bucky/Reader

Prompt: “You’re so fuckin’ precious when you smile.”

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 2309

Things were going well. So well in fact, that the two on the mission thought they could be in and out, all without maiming each other.

Things were definitely going well.

Until they weren’t.

Plopping down next to Bucky and resting his back against the cement wall, Tony looked straight ahead as he spoke. “So, you knew the old man.”

Bucky sighed as he rested his head on the wall. This was not a situation he ever wanted to find himself in. “Look, Tony, I don’t think this is a conversation to have right now.”

“Oh, come on, Sputnik.”

“Shit.” Bucky felt his spine stiffen just before his eyes rolled back into his head and he fell over onto Tony like a dead weight, knocking him to the ground and unintentionally pinning him there.

“What the hell, Barnes? Get off!” Tony sputtered from under the larger frame of Bucky as he tried to shove him off. When Bucky didn’t move, Tony managed to slide out and away. “Barnes?”

With a grunt of frustration, Tony got Bucky back into an upright position and secured his left arm to the cement wall since he wasn’t sure what Bucky would wake up.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., are you there, sweetheart?” 

Silence.

“Sorry, Boss. I’m here,” the A.I. responded.

“It’s alright. Can you look through the Winter Soldier’s files to find anything related to ‘Sputnik?’”

“Sure thing.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. went silent as she sifted through all the files pertaining to the Winter Soldier program. “It was buried deep so no one would find it, but there’s something here. ‘Sputnik’ was an absolute last resort conditioning word used to subdue the Winter Soldier if he ever got out of line. Only one person knew about it, Arnim Zola, and when he died the secret died with him.”

Tony was silent as he took in the new information F.R.I.D.A.Y. gathered for him. “And the Wakandan Princess would not have known to remove that word along with the rest of the trigger words when she worked on Barnes’s brain.”

“Do you want me to contact Princess Shuri to let her know?”

“Hold off on that for a while.”

Nearly an hour had passed since Bucky fell unconscious and Tony kept running scenarios through his head. If he did this, then that would happen. But what if this other thing happened? Or that thing? 

Ever since Siberia, after the snap from Thanos, and somehow finding himself still alive after snapping Thanos away, Tony began working on himself. He and Steve had some long talks; some were good and some ended in near fist fights. Though, Tony has never fully forgiven Bucky for the murder of his parents, he was able to make peace with the fact that he destroyed the “weapon” that did the job when he blasted the bionic arm from H.Y.D.R.A. off. After witnessing first hand how specific words spoken to Bucky made him completely complacent and ready to follow any order he was given, Tony knew that eventually he would reach a point where he would be able to forgive Bucky.

Tony looked over to see Bucky was still out cold, and his curiosity got the better of him. He wanted to get a closer look of the Wakandan technology that resided in Bucky’s new bionic arm. Slipping a pair of fancy glasses on his face, he asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. to run visual diagnostics on the arm to find an access panel.

Once the access panel was located, Tony poked it, hoping it would open. No luck. “Well, that would be pretty dumb, Boss, if all it took was a poke. Anyone would be able to access the tech in there.”

“It’s probably calibrated to his finger print,” Tony muttered with a finger tapping at his chin. He thought about trying to wake Bucky up, but he reasoned it was easier to ask for forgiveness instead of being told no right away. He reached over and took hold of Bucky’s flesh hand, holding all but his pointer finger down.

Tony was able to pull Bucky’s arm all the way across his body without waking him and ran his finger along the seam to the access panel. A series of  tiny lights followed the finger’s path down the seam before the panel popped open. After setting Bucky’s arm back down in his own lap, Tony reached in the open panel with a pair of pliers and started carefully moving wires out of the way to get a better look.

“You could have just asked.”

 “Damn it, Barnes!” Tony jumped while yanking the wire out he had in his pliers. “Shit.”

Bucky looked over at his arm and saw the end of a wire sticking out of the access panel. “I know you don’t like me much, Stark, but I didn’t think you’d go as far as disabling my arm while I was out. Especially still on an active mission.”

“Tha- that’s not,” Tony looked down at the loose wire, missing Bucky’s small smirk.

“Hey, it’s fine, as long as you don’t blast this one off,” Bucky started as he tried to flex the fingers of his bionic arm, realizing they all moved but the pinky. He continued with a frown, “Just tell me three things; one, why were you poking around in the arm? Two, what the fuck happened earlier? Three, why the hell is my arm strapped to the wall?”

“I had no idea that word was associated with the encephalon conditioning from H.Y.D.R.A. and I certainly didn’t do it on purpose. The arm, well that was an accident.” Tony looked up at Bucky, gauging his reaction. “I don’t dislike you, Barnes, but I also don’t fully like you either. I understand what happened wasn’t your choice. I also understand you were friends with my dad before, during the war.”

“Yeah, I was a fan before I even met him through Steve. The night before I shipped out to England, I dragged Steve on a double date to the Stark Expo in ‘43 and watched in absolute amazement when Howard showed off that levitating car,” Bucky paused as he thought back to that night. “He was a lot like you. Good at showing off to divert attention away from other things he was working on, like Project Rebirth. He was always tinkering with something whenever I saw him during the war, making improvements to our gear. Absolutely brilliant. Just like you.”

“Well, like that old saying goes, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.” There was a wistful smile on Tony’s lips.

“That word, only one person knew of. That bastard, Zola, is the one that made the shitty knock off version of Erskine’s serum and added that word into the programming. No one else knew about it though.”

Tony was silent for a moment, trying to think of a way to ask a question. “You know,” he started, “if you ever want to find out what’s in Zola’s serum, I could draw a blood sample and analyze it for you.”

“That’s, umm, nice of you to offer. I just don’t know if I want to know what’s in it.”

“Think of it this way, Barnes, you’d be able to find out what was used and if there will be any side effects that could be worse,” Tony finished. 

Bucky knew Stark had a point. “I’ve had this serum running through me for eighty years, I’ve been frozen for most of that time. Not to mention being snapped away and snapped back. I s’pose it would be good to find out,” he sighed.

“You never answered why you strapped my arm to the wall.”

“I panicked?” Tony responded, somewhat sheepishly.

Silence surrounded them as Tony fixed the wire he disconnected in Bucky’s arm.

“There, see if that fixed it,” Tony said as he pulled his pliars out of the arm. Bucky was able to move all the fingers again. “Anything else need tweaking while the panel is open?”

The former Winter Soldier shook his head.

Tony closed the panel and said, “If something goes wrong with the arm, let me know and I’ll try to fix it, yeah?”

“Alright. Thank you, Stark.” Bucky said, then stood up and walked to the sealed door of the room. “How are we getting out?”

“That’s the thing. We’re not until someone opens the door.”

“What the hell do you mean?”

“We,” Tony dramatically pointed back and forth between him and Bucky, “are not getting out until someone on the outside opens that door,” he finished while throwing his hand in the direction of the door.

“What the fuck,” Bucky grumbled. “Does anyone know where we are? Did you try blasting the door open?”

“If I shoot at the door, the blast will ricochet off and bounce around the room. There’s a coating on the walls that prevents my repulsors from breaking through. The extraction team on the way, but it will take some time. I was going to ask you to punch the wall with your arm, but I said the word that shall not be used and you went comatose instead.”

Without any warning, Bucky pulled his bionic arm back and punched as hard as he could at the seam where the door met the wall. There was a metallic klang that filled the room and then the sound of debris tinkling as it hit the floor. He pulled his fist away from the wall and more debris fell.

Tony got up and walked over to the dent Bucky made and felt around. “I think if you hit is a few more times in the same area, enough of that coating will be destroyed that I’ll be able to blast that spot open.”

Bucky nodded as Tony moved back a few steps to get out of the way.

A couple more punches in the same area, but around enough to damage more of that coating, Bucky stepped back and looked over at Tony who was already moving forward to inspect the wall.

“Looks good, Barnes. Might want to step back, just in case,” Tony said as he stood in front of the seam in the wall. He placed his right hand, palm up about an inch away from the wall, as the nano tech of the suit crawled over his head constructing the helmet. “Alright, on the count of three.”

They both took a deep breath, knowing that if this didn’t work, the blast would rebound into Tony’s hand, or if he moved out of the way it would bounce around the room until it hit either of them.

“Three,” Tony started as the repulsor powered up on his palm.

“Two,” Bucky continued. The whine of the repulsor kept growing.

“One,” they said together.

For a moment, the bright blue of the blast consumed the room. Just as quick as it appeared, it dissipated to reveal a hole large enough for them to climb through. Tony poked his head through the hole to look both ways down the hallway, but was yanked back in by Bucky.

“What the fuck, Barnes?” Tony scowled as the face-plate slid up on his helmet.

“Don’t you hear that?” 

“I don’t hear anything.”

“Someone is headed this way,” Bucky said. “They probably heard the blast.”

Straining his ears to their max, Tony finally heard footsteps. “Damn super soldier hearing,” he muttered under his breath, knowing full well that Bucky would hear him.

“The steps are light, only one person,” Bucky listened again. “Most likely female.”

A smile crept over Bucky’s face and Tony could only watch as it grew wider. He had never seen Barnes smile so large, and he started to panic. Was Bucky going to throw him to the wolves? Was there some part of the H.Y.D.R.A. conditioning that was buried so deep like “Sputnik” that Shuri wasn’t able to find it? Was this whole thing a deeply programmed thing that if H.Y.D.R.A. ever fell, Bucky would bring it back at the right time and start it over?

Tony was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t realize another person was in the room with him and Bucky until they were talking directly to him.

“Tony!”

“Huh? What?” he finally responded.

“Where’d you go? Thought we lost you for a moment.”

“We?” he looked up to see who was talking to him. “Y/N! What are you doing here?”

“Umm, I’m your extraction, you called. Barton has the Quinjet just out of sight in the trees,” she replied. “We gotta go before more people show up.”

Leaving the compound Bucky took point, Y/N was in the middle and Stark brought up the rear. It was something he insisted since he was in a “high tech suit of armor,” as he put it. The trio made it to the jet without any further incidents, boarded, and Clint flew them home to the Avengers Facility in upstate New York.

The flight back was fairly quiet, chatter between Tony and Clint in the front was subdued, while Y/N and Bucky sat next to each other with Y/N resting her head on Bucky’s shoulder. Tony looked back and saw that same smile on Bucky’s face that he saw earlier before the bad thoughts crowded his brain.

Realizing that there weren’t any nefarious deeds hiding behind that smile, Tony excused himself from the front and made his way to the back so he could sit next to Bucky.

With a hesitant, but heavy hand, Tony clapped Bucky on his shoulder, drawing his attention away from Y/N. “You know, Barnes,” he started, “you’re so fuckin’ precious when you smile.”

[that-buckley-gal]

Powerless - (Final) Chapter Eighteen

December 14, 1945

It’s now been seven months since Bucky died and five since Steve disappeared and believed to be dead. After leaving Italy, I didn’t know where I could go, if I could go anywhere.

When I finally arrived in the states, I was directed to and eventually locked up on Ellis Island for about two days trying to prove I was a natural-born American who’s been on vacation in Europe for the past two years. I had American citizenship. The only way I got through was by quietly telling the person who was handling my case was by showing her my marriage license, my birth certificate, and confirming the truth that my brother was Captain America, rest his soul. Only then was I allowed to place a call to the number Howard gave me along with the address. Slightly concerned about the time, 5:43 AM, I thought I should try again later in order to not disturb whoever it was I calling. “Hello, this is Jarvis,” a smooth voice rang out from the other end just before I was going to hang up the phone. “Oh, um. Hello,” I said nervously. “I hope I’m not bothering you, sir. But Howard, uh, Stark gave me this number – ” “Madison Barnes, I assume?” Jarvis asked, more alert this time. “Um, yes,” I weakly confirm. “Are you in danger or in need of any assistance?” He asked, and I knew the poor man was fully awake now. “Um, I just need some help getting out of this place, I guess. I had to go through immigration,” I say. “Give me forty minutes, and I’ll be there.” “Thank you, sir.” I waited forty minutes, and then a man in a suit came and got me out of there. Only once we were safely strapped in in a car and driving away did he properly introduce himself as Edwin Jarvis, Howard’s household butler who was, up until now, on indefinite vacation from his post. He expressed gratitude for calling him right away instead of letting him sit around a while longer. We drove around the city for a while, and got breakfast at an automat where a spunky girl served us; she was slightly proud in admitting she’d just started working there and was aspiring to be on Broadway. She was adamant that we leave with the belief that we would see Angie Martinelli on Broadway in the near future. Shortly after that, Jarvis drove me to Howard’s mansion where I would be staying until he returned, and said I could call him any time if I needed anything else. Later, in the beginning of May, World War II officially came to an end with the Nazis surrendering to the Allied Forces. It didn’t bring me any consolation other than slight relief that my baby wouldn’t have to grow up in a world at war. Shortly after that, Howard came back to New York as well and said that, if I wanted to, I could continue to live at the mansion while he went looking for Steve. I accepted the offer and he took his leave again. He would pop back in every now and again with news of his findings – apparently he came across the Tesseract in his search for Steve, and he brought it to his own lab for further research. His sporadic visits, and my rarely leaving the house, lead the press into printing news that I was his wife and that he was the father of my child. Speaking of the baby, Stefan James Barnes was born on June 20, 1945 at 7:43 in the morning. Labor was a pain, and my only support was Jarvis, not that I minded so much; apparently Howard was on his way home to come see that everything was okay, even though it was. Stefan was 6 pounds, 8 ounces and measured in at 20 inches. He didn’t cry too much after he was out, and despite my deep desire to hold him, I didn’t. He was my baby, yes, but he was out. Seeing him there, knowing he would never be cared for or taught right from wrong by Bucky or Steve, or even fully understand who they were as people depressed me and I couldn’t bring myself to hold him. A few hours passed before I managed to convince myself that it would be all right to hold him. I picked him up and held him for hours until he finally woke up from his nap. When I saw the color of his eyes, I knew I would never let him go and would sooner die rather than let anyone try to hurt him. Stefan had Bucky’s eyes. So, my life moved along as my baby grew everyday. Occasionally the thought to try to call Peggy or let her know I was at least okay and alive crossed my mind, but something told me she already knew. On the first day of August, I received an envelope that confirmed it. There was no return address. When I did open it hours later, I found it was nothing but a congratulatory note from Peggy on my birth. I figured she must’ve talked to Howard because she wouldn’t know Stefan’s name otherwise. I also recovered the vial of the super-soldier serum from my old apartment back. My old acquaintance, Dottie, was now living in my and Steve’s old apartment. I met her husband, Jack Thompson, who was also her first boyfriend who she met up with when Steve left her at the World Expo. He was a little weary of my being Captain America’s sister, but otherwise welcomed me into my former home. Since Dottie was so empathetic, I decided to express a desire to say goodbye to my home. She convinced Jack to take a quick walk with her to give me time to be alone. As soon as they were gone I went to my old room and pried up the floorboards that hid the serum, grabbed the bottle and returned to the living room just as the couple returned. I wished them a happy life together, and Dottie and I parted ways on a happy note. When I got back home, I sent Jarvis off to his own home for the rest of the day. Partly because he needed a break every once in a while, and partly because I wanted to break into Howard’s lab to grab something smaller than what I had now to present the serum to Howard.

Howard returned, leaving his team to continue his search for Steve. He and I spent the day, as usual, in the lab. Me doing paperwork, and him doing what it was he did. I’d just returned from feeding Stefan when I decide now was a good time as any to give Howard the serum. Taking a deep breath, I stop writing down information and look up at Howard. He was observing the Tesseract again. I call his attention to me and grab the vial from my desk drawer and hold it up. “I have this vial of Erskine’s serum,” I stated. Howard’s eyes popped open and his jaw slacked. He barely managed to stammer out, “How did you get it?” “Uh… Don’t be too mad, but he gave it to me just before Steve’s transformation. He, uh, he trusted me to keep it a secret ‘until the time was right’ and it just feels like now is the right time.” Howard gently swipes the serum from me and eyes the vial hungrily before looking at me. “Do you have any more?” He asked hopefully. I bite my lip and shake my head. “No. This is all that Erskine trusted me with. Nobody besides him knew I had it.” “Oh, wow. This is really amazing,” Howard gushed. “Thank you for trusting me with it.” “Well, it’s not going to do any good just sitting there,” I say with a shrug. “I’ll have to use this sparingly if I’m ever going to figure it out. And also find a way to get my hands on Erskine’s original research.” I could hear Stefan beginning to cry, and left Howard to his own devices as he continued to mutter things about what he needed and plans on how he could possibly get what he needed. Stefan was such a good baby. He’d usually stop crying as soon as I entered the room. The almost-six-month-old gurgled and reached out his hands. Knowing he wanted to be held, I just smiled at him and picked him up. He was my little boy and I was going to spoil him, especially since the only other two people in my life currently weren’t going to try to stop me as they spoiled him too. “HEY – MADI? Can you come here for a sec?” Howard called. “Ooh, what’s uncle Howie gonna need now?” I ask Stefan, who only giggles. “Can you said ‘Howie’?” “Ooh,” the baby cooed. “Oww-ee.” “What’s up?” I ask once we enter the room. Howard had set the serum on his table, and appeared to be moving papers while trying to clean up a spilled cup of coffee. Concerned for my scatter-brained boss, I step further into the lab. “If you could just move your shield to your workstation and out of my way, it’d be appreciated,” Howard said. Looking by his feet, I could see my shield was on the ground, feet away from Howard. Shaking my head at him, I walk over and grab it. “What are you even doing?” I ask once I step towards my station, still having Stefan secured in one arm, and the shield in the other as I look for a place to set it that wasn’t ‘in the way’. “Trying to figure out how I can balance the serum and the Tesseract,” Howard said nonchalantly. “And I’ve come to a decision that I need to pick one.” “All by your self?” I ask. “Ha, ha,” Howard said drily. I snigger to myself before kicking a box away, not knowing where it would go. Only when I heard a crash did I look up to see that the box had crashed into a shelf, which was already on the verge of collapsing, and made the whole thing fall apart. Everything that was strategically stacked on it went crashing to the floor. One of the larger, more pointless, things (a large ball of some sort that I still didn’t know what Howard used it for) went rolling in the direction of the triangular table that stood behind Howard, and took out one of its legs. The table now balanced on two legs, and cringing, I watch as it fell, dropping more papers and the case the Tesseract was in. The glass case broke, letting the Tesseract free bounce away. When everything finally stilled, I looked at Howard apologetically while Stefan started giggling at the mess. “I am so sorry.” Instead of being angry, like I would understand him to be, he just gave a weak shrug and a tight chuckle. “Don’t worry about it, kid. I probably needed new furniture in here anyway.” “But still. I should’ve just – ” The Tesseract, that was seemingly unaffected, suddenly let off a large emission of power that was headed straight for me. Instead of jumping out of the way, I curl up around Sebastian who started to cry, and cover us with the shield. “MADI!” The shield turned blue, and I could feel the Tesseract’s power engulf Stefan and myself. I couldn’t stop it, but whatever happened, if we survived this, I knew I would do whatever it took to keep Stefan safe. A loud ‘CRACK’ sounded and I heard myself screaming, from both fear and frustration because, for the first time in my life, I felt completely powerless.

[steverogersnotebook]

I commissioned this wonderful art from @yawpkatsi to go with my very first fanfic, my first Stucky fic, and it’s worth every penny. Seriously, commission this artist!!

LOOK AT THE DETAILS*

From two very different points in Steve’s life. Sam’s panel = from Sam’s POV and Steve’s panel = from Steve’s Unsent Letters two parts of my Correspondence series. *Details are listed below the cut if you want to read snippets of my fic.

Correspondence m/m | f/m [series comprised of the following]: *  STEVE’S UNSENT LETTERS m/m *  BUCKY’S JOURNAL m/m *  SAM’S POINT OF VIEW f/m

[SAM’S POINT OF VIEW]

Steve opened the box the rest of the way, there was some newsprint on top; the headlines from Europe and New York regarding the death of Captain America (AKA Steve Rogers) “I’m a character and a parenthetical reference, how do you like that?” his sarcasm not quite hitting it.

“Steve – “

“No, Sam, this – It’s fine;” he placed the papers gently on the floor next to the box lid. The next thing was a dress cap. He touched it gently – hesitantly before finally picking it up and running his finger across the bill. He breathed in systematically before turning it over, looking at the tag inside. “Bucky’s.” was all he said, the lump in his throat much more a permanent resident. I had to turn away – it was too personal, it hit home.

I don’t know how long we both sat in our reverie, could have been literally forever or mere moments. I fought back some sour thoughts that at least his friend was still around – but then I remembered that his loss wasn’t equal to mine and mine wasn’t equal to his. He’s still lost “Bucky”. Possibly permanently, we don’t know the state of James Barnes today or what it will be tomorrow. SO I clawed down the thoughts with the reminder that everyone’s loss is as big to them as it needs to be and can’t be compared to the next guy’s loss. Besides, how can you overlook the fact that in spite of our losses, we’ve found each other as friends?

So much so that we seemed to be in synch; as I was turning back, he was setting the cap on top of the papers with care and tenderness. He pulled out a few – ok more than a few – military tactical books; some art books; a handful of very fat sketchbooks. I’d love to get a look at those; I know he draws sometimes, but that seems to be a piece of himself he’s been neglecting.

The little pieces were no less emotional than the papers and the hat. A knife; “Morita.” He smiled. “I guess I never got it back to him-and he didn’t get a chance to swipe it back.” There was a button; “I was supposed to sew this onto Dernier’s coat. I learned sewing/repair work from ma. I enjoyed it-but time –” he stopped, rubbing the button sort of roughly with his thumb. The next out was a shell casing. He turned it around and around before saying anything. I was vaguely sure it was trench art but I was curious. He grinned; a true smile; “It’s kind of rough, but look. Fallsworth was showing off his skills.” As I took a closer look, I saw an unmistakable Captain Steve Rogers and Sergeant Barnes; facing away from one another overlooking the field.

“Doesn’t look all that rough to me.” I meant it, it was beautiful.

“He’d done some really detailed ones and he was threatening to toss this one into the fire. He was rushed, and we had been drinking and telling tales, he wasn’t too happy with it. Bucky swiped it from him to see it and handed it to me. “I’m keeping that, Steve.” He said. “Like hell you are, pal, it’s mine.” And I put it into a pocket of my utility belt. I was really going to give it back to him. It was –”, his smile faded, “well, it was the night before Bucky fell.”

It never occurred to me to stop him, he was moving through the box methodically and he was sharing history – whether with me or with the space of the room I don’t know.

He bent down, laying the shell casing and button next to the other trinkets, paused before picking up the next item. A leather pouch tied with leather lacing and an ornate hair comb on top. He swiped at his eyes.

“Peggy?” I guessed.

His head almost imperceptibly shook side-to-side; “this was supposed to go home to Bucky’s ma. I’d promised him “in case”. He had found the hair comb in one of the little towns and he was going to send it to Rebecca – his sister. The pouch has a bible and notes to his family. Photos, I think, oh and a couple of drawings of us in the trenches.”

He laid them all aside, probably going to look at them in private, maybe not – he might opt to hold onto them for Barnes.

He knelt by the box, looking tired, and small even as he repacked everything with the care he’d given them all when he’d taken them out. He put the lid on the box before rising. He looked like he was unable to proceed. “I can move the box if you tell me where to put it.”

“Oh! No, Sam. I’ve got it but thank you. It’s heavy with those books – you took a beating last night – I’ll do it.” His sigh seemed heavier than the box.

[...]

“I have been writing letters to Bucky since ’43. At first they were intended to be mailed but, “top secret experiment…”.” he pointed to himself, “so nothing I mailed ever went anywhere, some was returned to me even; So…” he exhaled, “I stopped sending it. But I kept writing. I’d still intended to send them to him at some point – then I didn’t even give them to him when we were together. They became like a diary or a journal. I still do it, but now I have plans that one day, if he’s willing, he’ll see them.”

[STEVE’S UNSENT LETTERS]

Bucky,

I’m leaving this note where you can find it. I’ll be back later.

After talking with Dr. P and considering everything we’re about to do together, I decided to give you these letters, all of them. Even though Dr. P said I could keep the current ones as my continuing journal, I think I’ll feel better baring all of my soul than only pieces of it.

There’s a box in the closet where you’ll find the rest.

I love you!

* * *

When I came home, much earlier than I’d planned, I saw him sitting on the floor in the bedroom just outside the closet, and he was surrounded by things. The box was open and trinkets and his mother’s bible were sitting in the lid. The rest was spread all around him as he poured over pages and pages. He looked beautiful, sitting cross-legged resting his back against the wall, his jeans hiked up on one leg, and his tee shirt dusted with damp spots. I saw him take the hem and wipe at his eyes, which explained the spots. When he dropped the hem of his shirt his eyes met mine and a deep knowing was in the air.

“I’m sorry, I’ll –” I moved to leave and he interrupted me.

“No Steve, don’t go.” He held out his hand and patted the spot next to him. “Don’t go.”

“I didn’t plan to be back before you were finished but I wasn’t really up to being out.” I grabbed the box of tissues and handed them to him as I lowered myself to the floor next to him.

“Why would you leave and not share this with me?” Bucky looked as puzzled as he sounded.

“Embarrassed.” I looked at my hands, my fingers, my jeans. “I wrote some personal shit. It was intended to be read far away from me.”

“I can’t believe this,” he picked up one of the first letters, “is from then. From you and from then. This one,” he picked up another, “before Erskine and Stark messed with a perfectly beautiful man.”

I watched his fingers trace the lines of the words on that page and press a photo from the letter to his chest.

I blushed, feeling slightly unsure of myself, but happy to be reminded he’d ‘loved me when’, “I’m still him.”

“No, you’re not, not any more than I'm still this guy. But he’s in there.” He hooked his arm around mine. “This is a lot. A lot of history that I don’t feel entitled to. It’s so much bigger than me.”

“No, it’s all about you; about how I always felt about you. That is our history.” I told him as I rested my head on his shoulder.

“If you insist.” He smiled reluctantly, waving the page he’d been reading when he noticed me, “I’m only about half-done.”

He settled back into reading while I sat beside him. Occasionally he’d bring his free hand up to scratch my scalp or rub my neck. I wondered, in the silence, how my words were coming across and sometimes I struggled to remember what I wrote. I peeked a few times, and more than a few times I peeked at his face to see him tearing up, or smiling, or frowning at something.

“Really?” he asked when he got to the last page, “You really want me to have all of this? Your heart and soul was poured out onto these pages.”

“Yes Buck. They started out as letters to you, look, postmarks and everything. I mailed these and they were returned, but they’re all yours.”

“I can’t believe these were intercepted, how maddening. I waited for letters from you. I worried when I didn’t get any.” He gathered up the stack of war-era letters and held them to his heart before holding them out between us, “These could have saved me a lot of worry. But at least you had them so they were kept safe. It was a dry, dry spell but mail call finally came.” I reached across him and grabbed up his hat and settled it askew on his head. “This made me weep, finding this in that box.”

He looked at me, and for a second, just a quick moment he looked like the years and the things he’d been through hadn’t ever happened. Like the day before he shipped out.

“What’s that look for?” he asked, removing the hat and running his fingers over the brim.

“Déjà vu.” I smiled. “Another time, and another you.”