#he makes. such a hot woman. how's a simple bisexual supposed to deal with that.

[flowersforvax]

Spoiled myself about The major thing in Marmalade and since then all I could think about was watching it (suck it marvel). Fuck that was a good movie. Weirdly, I don't know if I would have enjoyed it quite as much if I hadn't been spoiled? The details, man, the details

Manic pixie dream girl but make it good. with...... a twist

And even if it hadn't been good (it was) the eye candy in form of Joe Keery Aldis, Hodge and Camila Marrone would have made up for it

I loved how it got oddly unsettling when you least expected it, too. Also the dance scene?? With the masks and the sequins??? Bewildering and camp as hell.

[allthebest20]

A Simple Favor (2018)

This movie was surprisingly good?  I’d give it a 6 or 7 out of 10.  To be honest, I already wrote a review for this that I liked, but it didn’t save, so I partly want to recreate those thoughts, and I partly want to give up.  I thought the plot was decently smart and interesting, the characters believable and funny, the dialogue natural enough, the ending satisfying.

It is a very trendy plot: encapsulating the hot-lady-murder-mystery trope, the single-white-female trope, and the hot-lady-narcissist-psychopath trope.  I mean, as a young white lady, I don’t dislike these tropes.  I love watching hot woman, like Blake Lively, just doing mundane stuff or, even better, being cunning and mean to people.  I mean, that’s why we watched Gossip Girl, right?  It’s definitely why I watched Pretty Little Liars.  More and more it feels like directors just pick hot people to do the job of actors, and that frustrates me.  However, here, Lively isn’t just hot, she actually does a pretty good job.  Herself a rich mother with a celebrity husband, I can see why she does so well playing the wealthy narcissist working mother with the troubled background.  It’s also easy to imagine that the narcissist-psychopath character is not a difficult character to create.  This is because 1. most actors (and most people) are a bit narcissistic and 2. writers rarely give these characters complex thought processes.  Sure, there’s usually trauma there, but that fades into being blindly motivated by self-interested and anger.  Unlike “regular people,” these characters do not often their options or consider factors outside themselves.  In that way, they are not very complicated.  I’ve never met anyone who truly follows this trope, but I’ve also never met a serial killer.  It’s almost like Hollywood’s current obsession with those two plot lines (serial killers and hot lady psychopaths) is a way to take about gendered evils.  Almost as if these psychopaths are the female equivalent of a serial killer, and, at least in this case, Lively’s character does have a body count.  However, the victims she leaves dead, her sister and her father, arguably deserved it.  Her lovers, who she uses, do not, but she does not kill either of the two featured.  Real life male serial killers are sometimes thought to kill family members, but mostly, they kill their intimate partners.  So, I would argue that there is no female equivalent of the serial killer phenomenon.  I also don’t mean to imply here that all narcissists are psychopaths, because there are a lot of people with NPD who are just trying to manage their systems, deal with their trauma, and live a healthy life in our fucked up society.  But hot women with compromised morality are a big threat to cishet white men, who don’t have to worry about serial killers, date rape, or hate crimes, so I”m sure that plays into the commonality of the trope and the demonizing of people with NPD.  It’s not to say that I have not heard about dangerous lady psychopaths, but they aren’t usually serial killers.  They are con-artists and domestic abusers.  Of course, Hollywood has no interest in showing what a real domestic abuse situation perpetrated by a women looks like.  No one wants to talk about people being hit and emotionally abused by their female partners.  Lively’s character is a domestic abuser who seems to manipulate and emotionally tear down her husband, played by cutie Henry Golding, but this is mostly alluded to, not displayed.  There is one scene where Lively pulls a gun on him in a restaurant and forces him to say bad things about Kendrick’s character, but that’s more fantasy than reality.

What separates this movie from others of lesser quality, besides the acting and the dialogue, is the way the plot unfolds and the character’s motivating forces.  If Lively had nothing on Kendrick or if Kendrick was really as goody-two-shoes as she makes herself out to be, then nothing would make sense.  Kendrick’s secret though is perfectly believable and well-aligned with her character: sleeping with her long lost half-brother after her beloved father’s funeral. I like how Kendrick tries to play it cool, tries to pretend like they only made out, her desire to finally share her darkest secret tied with her sensibility to keep it hidden from this mysterious stranger. I love the way their relationship and their backgrounds are slowly unfurled to the audience. The way the director splices together scenes of the two leading characters revealing their secrets and their flaws, is simply enthralling.  The woman are both very alike (haunted by personal past mistakes and dead/dying family members), but while Kendrick takes steps to make things better for the people around her, Lively does the opposite.  Kendricks biggest mistake was her first ones: sleeping with her half-brother (ew), carrying his baby to term (um?), and not telling her husband (sigh... understandable, but side note: were they married before she slept with her brother or did they get married quickly after because she got pregnant? why wasn’t he at her father’s funeral?This alludes to either her sleeping with him more than once OR the baby isn’t the brother’s but she still feels responsible for her husband thinking it could be).  However, it isn’t her fault that they both die, it’s her crazy husband who drove them off the road.  He seemed like not a nice guy, even though she said that he was great.  Finally, her last sin, of sleeping with Golding, who she thought was a widower, and moving into Lively’s life.  Not ideal, sure, but there was something between them, and they thought Lively (the bitch) was dead.  Everything else she does is to find out the truth. 

Lively, on the other hand, starts by helping her sister kill her abusive father (I can get behind tbh), then exploits a hard working artist (:/), lies and cons her husband (:( ), kills her addict sister (she is blackmailing her but... :( ), and finally tries to kill both Kendrick and Golding (:(( ).

The only other thing I have to comment on is the use of bisexuality.  It seems like a lot of narcissist/psychopaths/liars in Hollywood are bisexual, which is not great representation.  It’s supposed to show how the psychopath does not view sex and attraction as an intimidate thing, but a tool to get what they want from a person of any gender.  Did Lively secretly love Kendrick? Maybe a little bit in the beginning?  Besides that kiss, there’s little to no evidence of that.  The kiss is what makes it so single-white-female-y, shows how desperate Kendrick is to make a connection, to be known and loved.

Overall, I enjoyed it, and I would recommend it.

[atruththatyoudeny]

MONTHLY READS | October 2018

Happy 1D Fanworks Appreciation Day! Thank you so much for all the hard work you put into your stories and the courage to share them with us! I am so grateful for all the amazing authors in this fandom. Here are the fics I read this month, as always, Top 5 + 16 (!!) more under the cut (to not clog up your dash) 

The Road Less Travelled

by freetheankles | Lumberjack Louis | angst | slow burn | slow build | hurt/comfort | mutual pining | banter | minor character death | 98k Louis was a lumberjack happy to be living his life alone in what could qualify as Middle Of Nowhere, Canada. Every morning, he went out into the woods, cut his logs, then came home at dusk to a scalding hot shower and a good book by the fireplace. Rinse and Repeat. He had a good life, quiet and peaceful; simple. Not a secluded one as Niall annoyingly claimed. Louis certainly didn't need some chatty trespasser dropping into his life, his forest, his home. Invading his space, his circle of friends, touching his stuff, asking questions about his husband. His late husband. A trespasser who wasn’t supposed to crawl under his skin, occupy his thoughts, and steal his heart from where Louis had locked it safely away, only to put it right back on Louis’ sleeve — where it once laid. No, Louis definitely didn’t need Harry.

I Wanna Be More Than Friends

by 2tiedships2 | a/b/o | accidental bonding | friends to lovers | fluff | childhood friends | 20k He hadn't meant to scent Harry. They were best friends and that was it. Scenting best friends wasn't exactly socially acceptable. "Lou," Harry whispered. Louis jumped at his name and sat up straighter to provide a bit of distance between himself and Harry. "You can't scent me, Lou," Harry stated. Which of course Louis couldn't scent him. They were best friends. "I mean," Harry continued. "I wouldn't mind exactly, but if I can't scent you, I don't think you should scent me." "What do you mean you can't scent me? I mean, I get it because we're best friends but..." "I mean I can't smell you, Louis. I fucking can't smell you. I can't smell anything, okay?" Or the one where Harry’s an alpha with no sense of smell, Louis’ an omega who isn’t allowed to scent his best friend, and that’s all they’ll ever be. Obviously.

We'll Never Fall Apart

by GMTYUniverse for 1D Pet Fest | post break-up | pre-make up | exes to lovers | famous/ not famous | angst | fluff | 20k Harry’s hand seems to tremble a bit as he takes the pen from Louis. Louis pretends he doesn’t notice. It’s not his right anymore to notice, he thinks to himself. Or maybe it is – as friends. He’s not sure what being just friends entails, if he’s being entirely honest. He’s a bit confused where they’ve drawn the line, or will be drawing the line. It's just - it’s not really clear where they stand at the moment. Despite all the paperwork surrounding Oliver, there's so much left unsaid. Then again, maybe everything already has been said and Louis is just scrambling for reasons to keep holding on. or the one where Louis and Harry's relationship falls apart after 7 years, but the rescue dog they raised together doesn’t understand the joint-custody agreement they’ve hashed out.

Stars are guiding me back

by coffeelouis | Bachelor AU | post break-up | 78k Directing the first ever season of The Bachelor with a bisexual star is a huge career move for Louis. After throwing himself into his career, he finally has the opportunity to prove himself as a director with a unique vision. For Harry, being cast as the first ever Bi Bachelor means finally putting his ex-boyfriend behind him and starting anew. He's taking a chance on finding love and determined to do it right this time. They didn't exactly think this through. [or, the BACHELOR AU where Louis directs his ex-boyfriend Harry in his season as America's first bi bachelor.]

Dirty secret

by iilarryii | Mulan AU | a/b/o | enemies to friends to lovers | war | mpreg | character death | 122k "Dad, you can't go!" Louis yells to his father as he watches him pull out his sword. "Louis, you know that I have to. It's the pack leaders orders," Dan says calmly. "I need you to promise me that you'll take care of the family if I die." "So what? You'll just give up?" "Of course not. I am just willing to die for my family's safety." "So am I." The Zoely pack is attacked by rogue alphas and the pack leader orders all alphas over the age of eighteen to protect their pack. Dan Deakin is one of the strongest alphas in the pack, but there is one problem. He has a wife and six kids to feed and look after. Louis is the oldest child and the one who wants to protect their family. Or a Mulan AU where Louis is an omega who takes his father's place in the war.

To change how you see and what you believe

by jaerie for HL Mpreg Fic Exchange 2018 | mpreg | unplanned pregnancy | I didn't know I was pregnant AU | friends to lovers | graphic description of birth | 12k Harry and Louis are best friends who just happen to fall into bed with each other sometimes, it's not a big deal. After a drunken night of discussing their kinks, they wake up naked together. They don't remember what happened, but they've done it before and they'll probably do it again, but five months later, a surprise changes everything.

Baby We Could Be Enough

by lovelarry10 for HL Mpreg Fic Exchange 2018 | mpreg | mutual pining | angst | natural birth | 74k Harry Styles has always wanted a family, but his boyfriend doesn’t. When an unexpected pregnancy leaves Harry feeling alone and terrified, he feels he has no choice but to give up his baby. He finds a family with the adoptive parents, and maybe something more. ~ Louis Tomlinson and his wife, Jess, have been trying for a baby for years. Their hasty marriage after they first got pregnant has only led to a series of miscarriages that have put a strain on their already precarious relationship. When they meet a young man desperate for a home and someone to raise his child, Louis realizes that he may have been moving in the wrong direction all along.

He Saw His Own Eyes

by SadaVeniren for HL Mpreg Fic Exchange 2018 | mpreg | doctor/patient | angst | friends to lovers | 16k Dear Child, By the time you read this I’ll be dead. Here’s how I think it’s gonna to happen. Your mum - whoever they are and I’m sure they’ll be a smashing person - will read this letter, realize I quoted a very old and niche video, and teleport to my exact location and strangle me. I know sense of humor is not genetic but if it was I hope you’d get mine. I hope you don’t get my nose - it’s pretty big, and if you get my height I hope your mum evened it out with some grace and coordination so you didn’t spend puberty impersonating Bambi on ice. I’ve finally grown into it but it took awhile and I once almost fell into a bonfire because of it. Maybe I’ll tell you about it when we meet up! Please know that if you decide to reach out to me I will be receptive, so don’t let that cause you any anxiety. I hope that your life has been good so far. I’m sure your mum (and dad or other mum or other parenting figure) loved you with everything they are. Yours, Dad P.S. Then two cops will read this letter and shoot each other. AKA Louis conceives a child from an anonymous donor and Harry’s the midwife.

Shut your mind off (and let your heart hear me)

by BeHappily for HL Mpreg Fic Exchange 2018 | mpreg | ballet | kid fic | friends with benefits | 13k Harry wants Louis for a while, Louis wants Harry forever, but emotions and a little human get in their way. Or, an AU where Louis is a single father to cute twins, Harry is a ballet dancer who doesn't want any relationship, and they foolishly become friends with benefits, but maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

A Perfect Reason

by Chelsea Frew for HL Mpreg Fic Exchange 2018 | mpreg | royalty | fluff | famous/not famous | natural birth| 29k During a visit to a charity he'd like to support, Prince Louis--next in line to the throne of the United Kingdom--meets Harry, the man of his dreams. Trouble is, Louis is not out, and the law says his heirs can only be born of a woman. Louis is determined not to let that stop his pursuit of Harry. His determination doubles when Harry accidentally becomes pregnant. He and Harry will have their little family--and change the monarchy while they're at it.

Does it Look Devious or Something?

by haztobegood for 1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names | sex toy store | homophobia | 4k When someone complains about Louis’ new business, he must defend his sex toy shop to the city council. Written for Prompt #231: The amazement at how much hot air people manage to produce.

Beneath the sound of hope

by YesIsAWorld | sexual confusion | high school | 1990s | 6k After Louis Tomlinson leaves the set of the Smashing Pumpkins’ “1979” music video, it’s not the band or the experience that he can’t stop thinking about—it’s the curly-haired boy he met while filming. Determined to track that same boy down, he sets off on a short journey and ends up figuring out some truths about himself along the way.

Better Late Than Never

by reddhede | establishes relationship | mpreg | past abuse | break up | unplanned pregnancy | angst | 72k After an unstable and abusive childhood, Louis finally has the life he'd always dreamed of - a good flat, a good job, and the best boyfriend. But one little plastic stick turns that life upside down.

Navždy

by nikogda | vampires | established relationship | 7k Louis took his hand and walked him over to the up escalator and felt him squeeze it tightly as he stepped on. And that is how it went, up and down as Louis watched Harry from the seats by the puzzles near Starbucks. He could see Harry as he went up the escalator and down, only to repeat about twenty more times. Louis sighed, because he loves Harry of course he does. So he would put up with this and the amusement that wore off a while ago. Yet for Harry, this newness was still very exciting to him. Louis couldn’t wait to show him Netflix. Wondered if Harry had seen a television. He stood up as Harry neared the floor and walked over to him. “Babe, do you know what a television is?” Louis questioned, reaching for Harry’s hand to keep him from going towards the up escalator. “I’m not a complete idiot, Lou.” Louis could see the glint of Harry’s fangs as he smiled, his hand covering his mouth quickly. “Have you ever watched one?” He tugged Harry to the exit. “No,” Harry said quietly. Or, Harry finally rejoins a world where everything has changed but the most important thing is exactly the same.

I love your demons (like devils can)

by ariadne_odair for One Direction Big Bang: Round 3 | Girl Direction | homophobia | internalised homophobia | angst | 60k "I am right here," she says loudly, and she can almost hear the crack when Louis' head whips around to stare at her. "Why?" Louis asks, and Harry feels her insides shrivel up and die. Harry didn’t plan to join the football team. She didn’t plan to sleep with the captain of the football team. She definitely didn’t plan to sleep with the closeted captain of the football team, who promptly acted as if nothing happened and left Harry a pathetic, pining mess.

Sea Salt and Chocolate

by cupcakeL | strangers to lovers | friends to lovers | coffee shops & cafés | cheating | fluff | 10k “How can I help you?” He looked at the customer and wow, Harry was pretty sure this guy had the bluest eyes he had ever seen. When the guy opened his mouth Harry could almost feel the venom in his voice. “Do you have some kind of truffle that passive aggressively says ‘fuck you’?” Or Harry owns a confectionary/café and Louis is an aspiring musician who needs to break up with his boyfriend via truffles.

We'll Paint the Town

by kotabear24 for Larry Abroad Fic Challenge | Say Yes to the Dress AU | Kleinfeld's | famous/not famous | 4k For the Larry abroad prompt: Kleinfeld's, New York. This is a Say Yes to the Dress fic. In which Louis can't flirt, Lottie does all the work, Harry just wants to get her in a damn dress, and Niall is an aggressive affirmer. It ends well for everyone.

Knot Safe For Work

by jaerie | sex shop | knotting | sex toys | wizards | werewolf | magic | spells & enchantments | potions | 5k The world is magical, Louis is a wizard, Harry is a Were, there are spells for lube and supernatural kinks are definitely a thing.

The Things You Hide

by LiveLaughLoveLarry for HL Summer Exchange 2015 | spies Á secret agents | angst | undercover missions | 27k Louis has been an MI6 agent for four years. Now he wants out. Unfortunately, his superiors have other ideas. Their solution: a 'mission' in the Greek Islands, one that's more vacation than actual work. Harry is an avid photographer who shows him around the area. He's open and carefree and everything that Louis wishes he could be. Along the way they fall in love, and maybe Louis learns a little about love, a little about lies, and a whole lot the meaning of home.

Say It First

by Rearviewdreamer | Butterfly Effect AU | time travel | high school | pining | uni | angst | infidelity | domestic fluff | adoption | happy ending | 25k When it comes to Louis, Harry feels like he has spent a lifetime getting it wrong, but on a chance night together where time mostly seems to be on his side, he gets the opportunity to try it all again. And again, and again, and again in an attempt to finally get it right before it's too late.

Take Our Bodies Higher

by littlelouishiccups  | phone sex | dirty talk | Daddy kink | Dom/sub | 21k Harry wasn’t often caught off guard at his job anymore. He called different men Sir, Master, or Daddy for work almost every week, but he’d never been told he was a good boy in a voice quite like that. In which Harry is a phone sex operator and Louis dials a wrong number.

[thesaltydigest]

REVIEW: "The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue", or: Fetch me a couch, for I nearly swoon!

Title: The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue

Author: Mackenzi Lee

Review by: Captain Clo

Verdict: adventures of a bisexual scoundrel unable to keep his mouth shut and pathetically in love with his biracial male best friend. I had the time of my life, would totally recommend, go read it right now! 5 stars

Trigger warning for: homophobia, slight racism, parental abuse

Sometimes you just need an adventurous, fun and queer book in your life. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue definitely fits the bill. It can look daunting with its 500 pages, but they fly by like nobody's business. An apt summary of its plot would look more or less like this:

Dramatic escapes through Europe! Highwaymen! Pirates! Alchemy! The mysteries of Venice!

And last but not least, best friends hopelessly pining for each other.

I think the official summary of the book actually sells the book short – it's so much more than just "two friends of noble station – and a little sister – go on a Grand Tour through Europe". It's actually two friends and one sister go on a Grand Tour, the dummy of the trio enrages the Prime Minister of France, then proceeds to steal something of said Minister out of pettiness, dashes out of Versailles stark naked, and then discovers what he stole isn't just a trinket, but the key to an alchemical secret. Slightly spoilerish? I guess, but it's so much more interesting put that way.

When you read "Grand Tour" maybe you think of Mary Shelley, Percy (coincidence??) Bisshe Shelley and Lord Byron going on their disastrous romp through Europe... and  A Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue is definitely not that. Unless you think of Mary Shelley as a bitter teenager snarking in disgust at her stupid male companions, and of Lord Byron as a pathetic mess trying too hard to look like a hedonist Casanova, and... well actually that kind of works, but Percy Shelley definitely wasn't a biracial violinist... with a crush on Lord Byr--- I mean, Monty... I mean I'm no expert but reliable sources told me that he was an ass! And a jerk! Percy doesn't deserve that, he's an angel.

Enter the protagonist: Henry Montague, aka Monty. He's a hot mess. A rogue, a scoundrel, a ladykiller, an unrepentant bisexual, with the good looks and the charm to get anyone he wants in his bed. Alas, he's hopelessly in love with his best friend, Percy, who is exactly the kind of level-headed, serious person who's just perfect to rein Monty in. Monty is witty, superficial and a pleasure-seeker, refusing to take anything seriously, and especially anything his father wants him to do – like being a respectable lord, studying with profit at Eton, or running a family estate, for example. Monty loathes the very idea, so what better course of action than doing every single thing his father would disapprove of?

Enter Felicity, Monty's little sister. Wicked smart and with a cutting tongue to match, she's the opposite of Monty in every way. She looks forward to the museum trips, to the scientific lectures, to the operas and the landscapes. Too bad she's a woman, and so she's not invited. Felicity loathes it, and she also loathes how Monty is so obviously unwilling to take advantage of his privilege in every way it's denied her. Felicity wants to study and to become a doctor, and she would welcome the offer to learn how to run the estates. Instead, soon she'll be shipped off to a school of good manners for young ladies, where at most she'll learn to curtsy.

Enter Percy, Monty's best friend and crush. He's the biracial son of an English member of the gentry, grudgingly accepted into the family when his father dies. He has all the things Monty doesn't have – and that he's in love with: sensitivity, artistic sense (he's a violinist and, as Monty himself notes with delight, the kind of person who loves Italian opera and can recognize an aria by its first verse), and height.

What I found most interesting about Percy is that he is actually what moves the plot along. At first, the book looks like it'll be about a hedonistic journey through Europe; but a revelation about Percy spins it in an entirely different direction – one that also challenges Monty to overcome his selfish tendencies.

I am dying to tell you what Percy's deal is because damn, I was delighted and surprised, but I can't take that away from you. Just know that it was very satisfying to see how his main problem wasn't directly linked to his race, although he does get shit for it sometimes. His relationship with Monty is the sweetest thing, but it doesn't lack thorns (read: drama), mostly because Monty is pretty clueless and it often borders on insensitive. For example, Monty always defends Percy when someone is a racist ass to him (yay!) but he doesn't see why Percy doesn't just say something witty and rude to every lord who insults him (less yay) and thinks there's really no problem, Percy is just a little darker than most, so? Which, bless him, is a very simple thing to think, and definitely not the truth. But he's also so pathetically sorry when Percy snaps at him for it, I can't really hate him.

"I could say something to your uncle."

"No."

"Why not? If he won't listen to you-"

"I know you think you're being helpful when you say things like that, and when you defend me, and I appreciate it, I really do, but please, don't. I don't need you to stand up for me – I can do that."

"But you don't-"

"You're right, sometimes I don't, because I'm not the light-skinned son of an earl so I haven't the luxury of talking back to everyone who speaks ill of me. But I don't need you to rescue me."

"I'm sorry." It comes out soft and meek, like the bleat of a lamb.

I made a very undignified noise when I first read this. Actually I just did it again.

I found the book wonderful in how it blends serious moments, scenes that tugs at the reader's heartstrings, and witty banter. On the serious side, Monty is an alcoholic, suffers from panic attacks, and although he flaunts a charming and flippant persona, he's actually consumed by self-loathing and an atavistic fear of his father. At first, it can look like Monty self-sabotaged or defied his father by getting himself kicked out of Eton, but then we learn the truth: he was kicked out because of his relationship with another boy. His relationship with Felicity is a frustrating affair where both give the worst of themselves. Monty, as mentioned, is incapable of seeing how privileged he is and how much Felicity is put down in her ambitions just because she's a woman; but Felicity has absorbed a lot of how their father treats Monty, it's hard to see her treating him like he's worthless and stupid. Every time it seems like they might get along, one or both of them revert back to old patterns, and you're just there wishing you could smack their heads together and tell them, Now love each other properly!

Then there are the moments when Monty remembers he's in love with Percy, and has the gall to get all mushy and pathetically in love like this:

"[Percy] reaches out, almost as though he can't help himself, and puts his thumb to my jawline. The tips of his fingers brush the hollow of my throat, and I feel the touch so deep I half expect that when he moves, I'll be left with an imprint there, as though I am a thing fashioned from clay in a potter's hand."

And then there's the witty banter. Everywhere. Witty banter for days. Oscar Wilde would be proud, and I'm so so happy. There's witty banter to seduce:

"She smiles, then flicks open the ivory fan hanging from her wrist and begins to work it up and down. The breeze flutters the single ringlet trailing down the back of that neck of hers that swans would envy. I have been mentally patting myself on the head for keeping my eyes on her face the whole time we've been speaking, but then the bastards betray me suddenly and dive straight down the front of her dress.

I think for a moment she may not have noticed, but then her mouth twists up and I know she's seen. But instead of slapping me or calling me a boor and storming off, she says, "My lord, would you like to see..." Telling pause. Eyelash flutter. "More or Versailles?"

"You know, I believe that I would. Though I'm short a guide."

"Perhaps you'll allow me."

"But this party seemed to be just picking up speed. I'd hate to drag you away."

"Life is filled with sacrifices."

"Am I a sacrifice?"

"One I'm happy to make."

Witty banter when Monty shows how much of a dunce he is, and how much he cannot spy on people properly:

"Helena stopped awfully short when she realized I was listening."

"Well, you were being rude."

"I wasn't being rude!"

"You were eavesdropping."

"No eaves were dropped, I was just standing about. It's their fault they weren't speaking softer."

There's witty banter almost every time he utters a word with Percy. Or utters a word, period.

"How is it that we've landed the only bear-leader for hire who's entirely opposed to the true purpose of the Tour?"

"Which is... remind me."

"Strong spirits and loose women."

"Sounds instead like it's going to be weak wine with dinner and handling yourself in your bedroom after."

"No shame in that. If the Good Lord didn't want men to play with themselves, we'd have hooks for hands. [...] Hold on, are you keen on all this cultural thing?"

"I'm not... not keen." And then he gives me a smile that I think is supposed to be apologetic but instead looks very, very keen.

"No, no, no, you have to be on my side about this! Lockwood is tyranny and oppression and all that! Don't be seduced away by his promises of poetry and symphonies and – Dear Lord, am I to be subjected to music for the entirety of out Tour?"

"Absolutely you will. And the only thing you will hate more than listening to Lockwood's selected music will be listening to me talk about said music. Sometimes I'll walk to Lockwood about music and you will hate it. You're going to have to listen to me and Lockwood using words like atonal and chromatic scale and cadenza."

"Et tu?"

Honestly, what are you even waiting for. Go buy it right now!

[clinicallyfreezing]

Why destiel makes me mad and other interesting things about homoerotica in Supernatural

THIS IS NOT A LOOK OF COMFORT ON DEAN’S FACE. THEY ARE NOT CANNON AND WILL NEVER BE CANNON.

Let me start off by saying, I do not hate destiel and I have never hated destie.l I hate the how the shippers act and the things they do with the ship. Just to fill everyone in who might not know anything about this ship or the show, Destiel is a ship between Dean Winchester and Castiel who are two characters on the TV show Supernatural, which is aired on The CW channel here in American (not sure where in other countries) the show happens to be a big part of my life and to make a VERY, VERY long story short… I have had many problems with those that ship Destiel as I ship the opposing ship and we don’t see eye to eye on how it all works. Let me make it very clear that I ship Wincest and not Destiel, and I have many reasons why but this is not the time or place for that. Now, I did at one time ship destiel. Until I dove deeper into the spn fandom and found out that the separate destiel ‘fandom’ isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and I began shipping many other things (some cannon, some not.) My main issue with Destiel actually isn’t the part of the fandom involved! It’s actually the huge fact that it makes Jensen Ackles, who plays Dean, very uncomfortable (but hey I would be too when it’s being thrown in my face 24/7.) And it’s not just destiel! Jensen stated that Misha made him uncomfortable. With the panel situation I think Jensen was finally over it and sick of hearing about Destiel and all the Bisexual/gay comments in past panels. He’s not homophobic, he’s just not okay with it coming toward him and a character he’s spent so long developing anymore. He really loves his wife and kids, which is another story. And he’s been doing Dean since 2005 which is a fucking long time dude. That’s 12 years (or seasons) of character development. I’d be pissed too if someone came for me and my characters after 12 years of developing them and making them strong. Okay, yes, the destiel 'fandom’ is a very large part of Supernatural, however a lot of the shippers are very rude, overly demanding with the writers, and down right uncomfortable to talk to/be around. This doesn’t mean EVERY single one is but a lot of them are. A lot of them overanalyze 'subtext’ (for example a simple look becomes bedroom eyes and a touch automatically means the ship is cannon.) Let’s take the Cupid episode (05x14 “My Bloody Valentine”) for example. In this episode it was apparently stated that if a Cupid touches two people they’re meant to be soulmates just by touching and this one Cupid they think is involved with these weird ass suicides hugs Dean and Cas. Now, first of all it wasn’t stated how a Cupid does what they do, and secondly it was sadly overanalyzed by Destiel shippers. Please keep in mind the Cupid also hugged Sam. My real question to those that analyzed this is, if this was the case and Cupid did work like that then tell me why Dean and Cas didn’t fall madly in love right there? Because it’s not how it works. See, it goes a little something like this: the Cupid has strict orders from heaven on who is supposed to be put together, and that’s when the Cupid takes action to touch the two and make them fall hopelessly in love. Besides, Castiel states that hugging was how a Cupid shook hands. The Cupid had no order from heaven to hook Dean and Cas up. Can we also take the fact that Castiel is an angel into consideration? In the episodes that angels are introduced to us (like season 4) Dean and the other angels make it VERY clear that they are genderless. They have no “junk” as Dean puts it. Although whatever vessel they’re in would, an angels actual form doesn’t and they disregard gender entirely (listen they’re supposed to be perfect beings, I was a church kid for years and I read the Bible’s entirety in order to be the best kid in church, like I was better then the pastors children and I know my shit. Even Lucifer would be junkless) this is further proved by the times we’ve seen different angels in other vessels with opposing genders from their original ones. Lucifer takes form as a woman for a bit in order to get Nick (Mark Pellegrino AKA the best Lucifer other then my Sammu babu) and Raphael even took on a female vessel for awhile. Hannah also took on a male vessel for sometime before her death. Getting back to cas, I headcannon (and I’m 95% sure it’s cannon) that angels are Asexual. Cas only has 3 'sexual’ encounters in the entire show and one of them is only presumed to be true. He’s had sex once on screen as a human and not even an angel. As an angel, he made out with Meg all hot and heavy like claiming after he “learned that one from the pizza man” referencing the pornographic movie he watched while in the same room as Sam and Dean. Speaking of Dean, let’s talk some Dean. Dean is explicitly shown as being straight in the show (having a whopping 38 mentioned sexual encounters, (boo you whore!)) and as being quite uncomfortable and flustered in situations where homosexuality becomes a thing. We see this in a few episodes. During the starting seasons Sam and Dean are mistaken for a homosexual couple instead of brothers on many occasions. And in another episode Dean has a run in with a guy who actually becomes a big part of the episode and when he mentions having a moment Dean gets noticeably more awkward. Dean has also been very much on that one track mind of “straight pride!!” From the start of the series and that’s something we should look at as well. Sure, all Dean’s protesting kinda can make you think the opposite, but we really don’t know much about Dean’s younger life. We don’t know if he experimented or not or if he even thought about homosexuality at all because this isn’t something TV is ready for at this time. Let’s also talk about how Sam’s not so explicit sexuality and Dean’s very strict sexuality is a direct reflection of their personalities. Dean is so strict and never really shows many emotions (early on he was a goof and then he really got more serious) he’s a no chick flick moments kind of guy. So him being straight makes a lot of sense. (Other then wincest I happen to ship Dean/Jo and Dean/Lisa in my free time because straight Dean is cute Dean)

Alright, let’s talk about other things in spn that make me think and my headcannon sexualities.

I wanna start with Sam because his sexuality actually intrigues me. There is NO explicit sexuality for Sam. He’s just all over the place. It’s assumed that collage gave him more room to experiment but all we know is he was with Jessica in collage. I do head cannon that during the series he is bisexual or possibly even pansexual. Any who here’s some 'evidence’ to why:

1. BRADY- Brady and Sam had a “history.” In 5.21, Two Minutes to Midnight, Crowley calls Brady Sam’s “demon lover.” (And if I were Sam I’d totally tap that, Brady’s actor was fucking hawt) 2. Uh? Brad Pitt??- in one episode (can’t source it I forgot which one xD) Dean asks Sam who he was dreaming about, and sure it could be brotherly teasing but it’s sorta interesting that Dean says both Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt as if Sam was bisexual.

3. Crossroads demons- crossroads demons are supposed to be alluring to the one who summons them, and Sam happened to summon 3 males. I mean Sammy, any deals sealed with kisses? I think we could be asking his question to Bobby. So Sammy…

4. Jared confirmed Bisexuality at a panel?- now I watched the video of this and yes it was actually said.

Dean- I headcannon Dean as straight, however Sam’s his fucking world and he loves his baby brother with his all. (So I guess he’s Heterosexual/only homo for Sam? Is that considered Heterosamsexual?)

Cas- I headcannon Cas and ALL angels as Asexual. Except Gabe and Lucifer.

Gabriel- I headcannon Gabe as Pansexual.

Lucifer: I headcannon Lucifer as Pansexual.

Crowley: Bisexual but mainly Homosexual. He had an orgy with two men and a woman for fucks sake.

Charlie: VERY HOMOSEXUAL. SHES A SWEET NERDY LESBIAN AND THOSE THAT THINK OTHERWISE CAN JUST LEAVE.

Kevin: I headcannon that Kevin is still working on his sexuality and who he is, so he’s bicurious.

If you have questions about anyone else let me know.

~Fic requests are open. Literal RP requests are open. Ask me about my AU ideas and prompts.~

[pumpkinpetals]

Beauty Is Found Within

Chapter Seven

Beauty & the Beast Malec AU

Summary: Magnus and Alec talk and get a better idea of who they’re going to be living with.

Quote: “He couldn’t decide whether he liked Magnus or not. Of course, he was thankful that the Warlock had saved his life, but he was still trapped here.”

Warnings: There are mentions of homophobia :/ Also a bit of flirting if that affects you!

Read on AO3 here.

Sorry it’s been so long! But this is 1900 words so it’s longer than my normal chapters. Enjoy my lil muffins <3

The bathroom in Magnus’ apartment was bigger than Alec’s room at the Institute. The shower was large enough for several people and Alec carefully locked the door of the bathroom.

He placed the clothes Magnus had given him on the vanity beside the sink and then turned to the cupboards along the right wall. When he had been searching for something to bandage Magnus’ arm in, Alec had come across several shelves that were filled with towels. Alec picked out a large navy blue one as well as a matching hand towel for his hair. As he turned on the shower, he was surprised by how quickly the room filled with steam. At the Institute, the water was only ever comfortably warm. Alec stripped off hesitantly and dumped his ruined clothing in the hamper.

Boundaries were put in place at an early age in the Shadowhunter world and, while still remaining in the public eye, privacy was something that many cherished. Alec could only hope that the same ideals were held with Downworlder’s.

Because he was a Shadowhunter, Alec showered quickly and efficiently and was soon dressed in the things Magnus had provided. However, given that the Warlock was shorter and slighter than him, the dark t-shirt, embellished with the word ‘meow’ in a golden font, was a little bit too tight and the sweatpants were a few inches too short. Luckily, Alec had narrow hips so the underwear Magnus had picked fit him well enough. However, there were no socks and if Alec had been at the Institute, his toes might have frozen, but the flooring of the bathroom in Magnus’ apartment was heated and so, once his had towel dried his hair, Alec Lightwood was warm and happy, aside from the fact he was still being held captive because of his parents.

Alec had quickly gone back into his bedroom once he had finished showering. He tested the bed warily and was surprised to find that it was actually quite comfy. It was also big enough that he could lay across it without his feet awkwardly hanging off the edge. The sheets were a soft red and Alec turned so that he was on his back, looking up at the ceiling.

He couldn’t decide whether he liked Magnus or not. Of course, he was thankful that the Warlock had saved his life, but he was still trapped here. And if it wasn’t for Magnus, he wouldn’t have been out in the alley at all. He didn’t regret taking Izzy’s place. If the only way to free her was for Alec to get married to a suitable woman, Izzy would have been trapped for a very long time.

Ultimately, Alec decided that it was his parents fault. Robert and Maryse were trying to control both his and Isabelle’s lives. Alec couldn’t blame Magnus. He knew what the Clave did to Downworlder’s who didn’t do as they were told and he had first-hand experience of his parents’ domineering attitudes. Alec doubted there was much Magnus, let alone any Warlock or Downworlder, wouldn’t do for two officious Clave members. And Alec didn’t even know whether Maryse and Robert had paid Magnus.

Alec waited in his room until he heard Magnus walk into the kitchen. He waited a few moments, as not to appear too eager to spend time with the Warlock, but as soon as he opened his bedroom door, tiny little butterflies began to dance around his stomach.

Alec walked, barefoot, into the kitchen and was met with Magnus, standing on his tip-toes, reaching up for something that was just out of his grasp. To Alec’s surprise, Magnus was wearing simple jeans and a patterned shirt. His hair was gelled up but it wasn’t as intimidating as Alec remembered. As Magnus tried to stretch his arm further, his shirt was pulled up, revealing a thin line of his back and a tiny strip of his underwear, which today was blue. Alec was suddenly reminded of how he had reacted when he had woken up and been greeted with Magnus’ ass. A lump grew at the back of his throat and he coughed without thinking. Magnus spun around, a sly grin on his face, and he beckoned with a graceful twirl of his fingers.

“I was wondering where you were. I can’t use my magic yet so I need you to pass me all the things on high shelves.” It took Alec a moment to process what Magnus was saying, but nodded anyway and walked forwards to grab the box of cereal the Warlock was trying to reach.

“Um, I wanted to thank you, for last night.” Alec said and Magnus stared in amusement. “You know…for saving my life…” Magnus laughed loudly.

“I remember. And you’re welcome. Thank you for not leaving me in that alley. Although, no matter where you went, the demons would have followed you, so I suppose you made the right choice.”

Alec frowned and rested his hip against the countertop.

“What do you mean?”

Magnus glanced down to Alec’s hands and raised his brows.

“Are you going to keep my cereal hostage until I tell you?”

A steady blush broke out across Alec’s face and he thrust the box into Magnus’ hands, murmuring a quick, “Sorry,” and moving away from the Warlock, going around to the other side of the breakfast bar and sitting down.

“What did you mean about the demons?”

“Well,” Magnus said as he made his breakfast, “A part of the deal your delightful parents made with me was that if your sister tried to run away, she would be followed by demons until she returned. When you took her place, the same rule applied, and does apply, to you. If you leave, even with my consent, unless your parents break the deal or your sister fulfils her part of it, whatever that may be, you can’t leave without the whole demon mess.” Alec tapped his fingers against the surface of the breakfast bar and Magnus placed his cereal in front of the chair beside the Shadowhunter.

“Do you want anything?” Magnus asked while pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“Just one of those, please. I ate a bunch of the takeout you got yesterday before I went to sleep so I’m not hungry.”

Magnus added a ridiculous amount of sugar to his coffee along with some milk and he got a second cup from a low cupboard.

“How do you take it?” Magnus asked with slight grin.

“Just black, thanks.” Magnus scrunched his nose up and placed Alec’s cup in front of him.

“They really harden you over at the Institute, don’t they?”

Alec shrugged while taking a sip of the perfectly hot coffee. An image of Raj came to his mind and for a second, Alec didn’t think things were so bad.

“Yeah,” Alec answered and Magnus sat down beside him. “it’s got its problems but it’s home, if that makes sense?” Magnus nodded and chewed thoughtfully on his cereal.

“I’m well aware of the problems the Clave has.”

“I didn’t mean the Clave as much as I meant the New York Institute but I guess they’ve all got the same beliefs and ideals. It’s been a while since I’ve been to Alicante.” At this, Magnus looked towards Alec with a frown.

“But you’re a Lightwood. You’ve got one of the nicest estates in Idris. How haven’t you been there?” Alec laughed humourlessly at Magnus’ words.

“We went when we were younger but then Izzy and I grew up and we were old enough to think for ourselves. Our parents didn’t exactly like the people we wanted to be so they stopped taking us in fear that we’d embarrass them. They hardly let me leave the Institute at all now.” Alec took a long drink of his coffee to calm himself down but the caffeine in his blood made his leg start bouncing under the breakfast bar.

“Why? Your parents explained how Isabelle behaves around Downworlder’s and how they wanted that to stop, but they didn’t really mention you.”

“My condition to set Izzy free was to get married to a nice, respectable woman and improve our family’s social standing.” Alec thought he saw a glimmer of understanding in Magnus’ eyes but the Warlock didn’t say anything. So, Alec continued. “The only problem is, I’m gay. And everyone knows so it’s not like it’s some big secret but, well, you know how the Clave and Shadowhunter’s in general are. Not big on stuff like that.”

Magnus smiled around his mouthful of cereal and, after swallowing, said,

“Well, I’m what you’d call a freewheeling bisexual so you can be as gay as you want under my roof.” Alec didn’t think his face had ever been redder and Magnus burst out laughing. “Good Lord, I feel for you. You must be so repressed. I bet you’ve never even kissed a boy, have you?”  Alec choked down another mouthful of coffee and Magnus rested his hand on the Nephilim’s forearm. “I understand, now, why you took your sisters place. You couldn’t have freed her without losing yourself and, considering you’d never met me before in your life, that was a decent thing to do.” Alec nodded but kept his eyes straight ahead, tightly gripping his near-empty mug.

“She deserves a life. I can deal with being locked up. I’ve been living with it for seven years.”

At this, Magnus almost fell off his seat.

“Locked up! I mean, yes, you can’t leave but have you seen this place? It’s a lot nicer than the Institute, I’m sure. Honestly.” This made Alec smile and he set his cup down.

“It is pretty nice. My bed at the Institute is cramped and un-comfy and I’ve got my own bathroom but it’s just as shitty as the communal ones.”

Magnus’ tongue darted out over his lips and he messed the sides of his hair.

“I bet the men all wish you took communal showers.” Alec didn’t know what to say to that so he stood up, taking his cup and Magnus’ empty bowl, and washed them thoroughly in the sink.

“I don’t really get along with the men at the Institute. They’ve all got a hive mind or something. You know, like with bees?” Magnus shook his head and so Alec stumbled on with his comparison. “So, bees all think the same thing; to go out and get pollen to take back to the hive and make honey and all that. All so that the queen is healthy and can make more bees and stuff. Shadowhunter’s are kind of like that, but instead of bees it’s the people and instead of the queen, it’s the Clave.”

“So basically, most Shadowhunter’s are homophobic because the Clave is.” Magnus said and Alec bit his lip.

“Yeah. But I talk too much when I’m nervous.” Magnus cocked his head to the side.

“Why are you nervous.”

“I…I’m not used to being around someone whose so open.”

“Because I said that thing about you showering?” Alec nodded. Magnus thought for a second before continuing. “All I meant by that is that I wouldn’t mind meeting you in a public shower.”

Alec’s face flamed red again and Magnus spun around and waltzed out of the kitchen. Alec had never been flirted with before in his life, but he suspected it was something like this.

Thank you for reading!

[humanitypolitics-blog]

Atomic Blonde

And now for something completely different.

This article is the first in a series of articles I'll be writing about diversity in popular culture. This first article analyzes the gender and sexual politics of Atomic Blonde.

Here's your spoiler alert.

For all the cheap thrills, Atomic Blonde was enjoyable. It was fun listening to 80's pop music and watching a hot spy (Lorraine Broughton, played by Charlize Theron) beat up men and get it on with another hot spy (Delphine Lasalle, played by Sofia Boutella), sometimes nude, and sometimes wearing fabulous vintage clothing, usually flatteringly lit by neon lights.

However, the movie was a little lacking otherwise.

There were twists, because spies were in it, so it had to have twists, but the twists were mostly delivered in confusingly pointless ways. Why did Broughton meet with the Soviets at the end, and wear a brunette wig, after she had not only obtained the List, but also most definitely blown her cover with the Soviets when David Percival (James McAvoy) inevitably told them she was Sachel? Just so we could see her play Russian dressup and shoot more people? She didn't trust Percival from the beginning, but didn't think to check her belongings for bugs? Wait - so what DID Lasalle tell Broughton in the beginning when Voices Carry was blasting in the background? Where did this List thing come from anyway, and isn't "List" more of an accurate label than a "code name," and who on earth could have even known who Broughton was in order for her name to appear on it in the first place?

In addition to the twists / lame excuses for stylish action sequences, the phrase, "[pronoun] set [pronoun] up" was overused to the point that it seemed like either the writers didn't understand the concept of being set up but really thought it was a cool thing to say, or the "setups" happened in scenes that got cut in editing, although the idea of editing that bad in a movie of this level is unrealistically sad.

Moving on to the inclusion of diversity in Atomic Blonde, there are good and bad points to be made. One bad point is that for all the "strength" they gave one female character, they more than made up for it by making the other one the worst spy possible. Lasalle can't follow Broughton the way Percival can - without Broughton knowing - and even worse, she threatens Percival (one of the strange uses of the phrase "you set me up") before running around her hotel room in her underwear, with her headphones on and music blasting, standing in doorways with her back turned and her defenses lowered, waiting for him to come strangle her. It's a pretty common device, to make characters that are so weak, anyone else would look strong in comparison, and I guess it still works - Broughton and Percival look like masterminds compared to Lasalle.

One good point is that Charlize Theron is visibly, physically strong, and it is because of this, rather than in spite of it, that she has such sex appeal, both in Mad Max and in Atomic Blonde. Playing up her strength in a sexualized way might even inspire more women to do more at the gym than run gazillions of miles while starving themselves, and it might even inspire more men to stop saying "ew, muscles" every time they see women who are striving for anything besides the Victoria's Secret Angel physique (pro tip: the skinnier you are, the bigger your boobs look in that padded pushup bra, no matter how anorexically shrunken they are without it).

Also, I can't ignore the fact that Broughton is bi, and that the movie doesn't even have to make too big of a deal out of it other than to be direct about it, which I appreciate about any inclusion of diversity - otherwise it's this self-congratulatory parading of diversity that shows that the makers of the film think it's a huge deal their movie contains THAT kind of person, like they think they're being really rebellious in featuring a bisexual / woman who knows about science / POC / whoever they happened to cast or write in specifically for that purpose, like they think it's a big deal that some bigots somewhere might see something wrong with that, like some bigots they take seriously, like maybe even themselves.

Unfortunately, if you're looking for an example of the self-conscious inclusion of diversity I just described, you need look no further than Atomic Blonde's gender politics. Percival is made to be more villainous and unlikable than necessary by being given one line about women always getting in the way of progress, which he says after learning that Broughton survived the border crossing. Thus, the movie forfeits the depth that it could have kept simply by not rendering the antagonist flat with that sentence. I mean, we all get it: war and global politics are complicated. Percival is still a sleaze, so he could still be the bad guy, and Broughton is shown in plenty of scenes making effort to do the right thing, so she could still be the good guy, and the audience would still follow the main character. People aren't as stupid as you think they are, Hollywood.

I wouldn't say I don't appreciate that, in 2017, a bisexual woman is easy to simply insert into a movie without self-congratulatory fanfare - Rather, I'd say that the juxtaposing of the matter-of-fact inclusion of bisexuality with the self-conscious inclusion of feminism highlights just how ridiculous this outdated form of feminism is.

So, for the music-video quality lighting, clothing, cinematography, music, and choreography, not to mention the actors and inclusion of a beautiful, muscular, bi, and yes, female heroine, Atomic Blonde gets plenty of points. However, for the bad writing and lame gender politics, this movie loses all of its spy cred and half of its diversity cred.

Now, if you want to know what ACTUAL feminism in film looks like, you'll have to go back to the 70s, to what I'll probably reiterate many times as my gold standard of feminist films: Alien. Lately, a lot of articles have surfaced about how the script of Alien was written to be gender-neutral before Sigourney Weaver was even cast as the last survivor. The simple decisions to write a gender-neutral script and cast a woman in the leading role highlight the true definition of feminism - the idea that women are people. Despite all the arguments that ensue on the Nostromo, none of them has anything to do with the idea that Ripley's ownership of a vagina makes her opinion somehow less valid. She can analyze Mother's data and root out Weyland-Yutani's secrets with the best of them, because she's treated by script-writers, protagonists, aliens, and evil robots alike as a HUMAN. The viewer isn't distracted from her character's qualities by her having to irrelevantly defend them from sexists. Compare that to Broughton's character in Atomic Blonde, who is somehow supposed to be heightened simply by the fact that she kills a man who speaks ill of her feminality, as if that needs to be included in the movie for it to be at all possible for a female character to be strong or relatable.

See the difference?