#he loves alyosha so much!

[deadpoetsmusings]

Ivan Karamazov: [speaks] Me: _________ _________

[karamazovanon]

the brothers karamazov, fyodor dostoevsky (tr. mcduff) // strawberry blond, mitski

[girlmetamorphed]

a lot of shit has happened to me in these past couple of months so i couldn’t finish my reading of TBK.

well… this week life has finally resumed for me, which meant i can continue reading and all i have to say is that ivan not only needed to be at the club, but he also needed a big hug and a kiss on the cheek while being whispered “everything will be okay” in his ear like omfg i’m gonna puke why is this happening to him…

[torgawl]

geto reminds me so much of alyosha, not because they share the same ideals but in the sense that every time they appear in the story it's like that page is a love letter to them. to be loved is to be remembered and everyone that truly gets to know them just holds such a special place for them in their hearts. they inspire, they comfort, they love so unconditionally. geto haunts the narrative, not because of his villainous acts but because he loved so much. and he was so loved in return!

[sukinapan]

honestly would be pretty interested in hearing about all of them, if thats alright

it's no problem o( ❛ᴗ❛ )o i like talking about this

for context, apart from making personal art i'm also an artist and character designer at Smarto Club, so I don't know if these count as OCs but i have posted art of them here: Haco from >Bubblegum Galaxy and Teacup from >Teacup.

you can check the steam pages on those games for more info if u like. i love all my characters but i don't usually make personal art of these two since i already do it as my job.

my newest Smarto Club character is a bit different since she's more in the style of what i'm doing personally so i want to make more art of her soon. her name is Abigail:

she's a kid who likes reading about bugs and catching them but she never hurts them : ) this is a short game in early development but it's about catching creatures called angels. it's got horrorish vibes but i don't think the end result will be full-out horror, since it's also kinda silly...

then there's Peklo, it's a game for which i created the whole concept and story but the plan is to develop it as a studio at Smarto Club. i wrote more context for it on this post, but for the characters, they're my favorites to make art about at the moment. the main ones are Kiku (the cat) and Mi (the bunny):

i recently created these human forms of them for fun but i'm not sure whether i'll establish them as canon or not... they're trapped in limbo/hell so there's space for them to have a past human form. they don't remember their lives but Kiku feels a deep sense of regret about things unkown to her and wants to break out of Peklo. Mi feels trapped in an eternal sadness, she longs to see the ocean, she can always hear it but has never been able to reach it.

the antagonist in Peklo is a frog entity called Guppy but i haven't really shown him outside of his froggy logo

i also have OCs from my smaller games. there's Hlina that i created specifically for >this game that was commissioned to me for a zine. i don't have any plans to use her again for now but i might make more art of her in the future for fun. she's part of a strange dream realm and is hostile to the player:

there's iro from the >game with the same name who's my oldest game OC. i created that bitsy game for her story but she existed previously in my art degree final project, it was a version of the same story but just a section of it. it's a dream of mine to create a full-fledged 3D game for her some day.

she's a bit of a defective space exploration robot, sent to explore planetoid Iridium-3 in search of human contact. it's set in a future where humanity has dispersed among the whole galaxy so lots of groups have lost contact with each other.

my latest game OC is Michtat, a wizard cat that i created just for this silly zine.

lasty, there’s the characters from my comic that I’m working on, called The most distant planet. the main characters are Victor and Mitya, two 9 year olds whose families end up living together.

i'd say these are the dearest characters to me of all. i don't post as much of them because they're mostly in the shape of comic pages and it doesn't spark as much interest as my games. i love drawing them though.

they’re both little weirdos who isolate themselves and don’t fit in much with other children, so the friendship they develop is very special to them. they have almost opposite personalities where Victor (darker hair) is very shy and dorky but also very sweet to everyone, while Mitya mostly gives 0 fucks about what anyone thinks or says, he blurts out whatever he’s thinking and just wants to run around wild.

the story is mostly slice of life-ish but there’s also a science fiction element ^-^ Victor is obsessed with things like ghosts, aliens, etc but Mitya thinks it’s all just dumb tales.

another important character is Alyosha, Mitya’s 17-18yo brother. he doesn’t know how to talk or relate to his little brother and is kinda weirded out by him. they where very close when they were younger, but when Mitya was 2 he had an accident that Alyosha feels guilty about, and has been somehow different ever since.

he still worries about his little brother and how isolated he is, though. at the beginning of the story the two of them live alone with their grandma who does love them but has kind of a cold and distant personality. 

Alyosha was the type of kid to be considered “gifted” but now feels completely burnt out and had to repeat a grade at school. he felt so humiliated by this he eventually stopped going entirely, so he now works part time and just studies at home. he cut contact with his old classmates but he still has 2 best friends from the last few months he spent at school in the grade below, Manon and Min Na. they’re the kind of friends who just show up unannounced at his house and job, and are very involved with his family’s life.

i’ve also included Min Jie in some art, she’s Min Na’s younger cousin and comes into the story later:

i should have like character sheets and stuff for all of these OCs but i’m the kind to just jump head first into drawing/modeling lol, that's why i included all these finished illustrations.

i really wanna publish this comic, i’ve been working on it for a long time and i’m currently waiting for the results of a public funding application here in my country to decide what i'll do next.

hope this could be of interest (^人^) thanks for the ask!

[gegengestalt]

Thinking about Mitya and Ivan

I think a lot about the unexplored dynamic of Mitya and Ivan. There is so much potential there, yet we only have the pieces.

Imagine being Ivan and meeting your half brother for the first time. You didn't know he existed until recently, he's practically a stranger. His manners are rough, he drinks, he makes scenes, he's debauched, just like your father, who made your mother suffer. He throws around money when you have to work to sustain yourself. It saddens me, but I can understand why Ivan dislikes Mitya so much.

But Mitya is no buffoon: he holds respect for Ivan and sees him as superior to him, even if part of it comes from his own self- pity. He's not the brightest, but he appreciates education and smarts when he sees them and wants to know what's on Ivan's mind.

Mitya is most likely eager to make a connection, but the obstacle is exactly the source of the personal pain in both of them and the only thing they had in common from the beginning, their father. Ivan pushes away those he cares about, but he can't escape Mitya, who will keep seeking attention from people and taking them for granted even when he knows they don't like him. And Ivan is too proud to not put up with it. This dynamic is a goldmine.

Ivan's relationship to both Pavel and Mitya is the answer to why although his idea has not been refuted, him as a person with prejudices had his downfall. In Mitya is the bestial man who was once one of those weeping children.

Mitya, a body aware of the mind, and Ivan, a mind aware of the body, as some critics say. Mitya, who would love God from the depths of Hell, and Ivan, who returns the ticket even in the face of salvation.

Perhaps they do have more in common than they think. I believe readings of Ivan as the rational one are very reductive, when his rejection of harmony is a question of his feelings towards the suffering of the innocent. His passions are bubbling under the surface. Both grapple with the tension between their pathos in front of reality and their unexplainable love for life, they have questions about sin and salvation expressed in different ways. Ivan presents the idea that if there is no God, everything is permitted, and Dmitri echoes it as a question that receives no answer. Even when Ivan became a representation of the intelligentsia and "Westernised" himself, he knows the eternal questions still plague his mind. Mitya barely thinks about God, loving God seems natural in him, and Ivan may think about God more than anyone else.

Despite their not- so- perfect relationship, it was Ivan who in the end dragged himself to court and claimed to be the guilty one, it was Ivan who came up with an absurd plan to free Mitya, and doing so he showed that he cared more than any of Mitya's relatives, who did absolutely nothing to help him (except for Alyosha, who could at least offer emotional support). It's almost poetic: the culmination of a relationship that was damaged from the start, as "Free the monster!"

Note: Their relationship to Katerina is also an essential piece to their dynamic, something that takes even more to explore and that I hope to see more clearly in future chapters of my fic, as well as the Ivan- Mitya dynamic I talked about here.

For now this is all I'll say about them.

[ddarker-dreams]

Lock, what DO you love and like so much about Dostoevsky's work? I don't think you've ever talked about that. Please, I want to know !!!

^o^

(christianity mention jump scare below proceed with caution)

i thought this would be an easy to answer but figuring out how to put my feelings into words proved difficult .

the beginning is always a good place to start, so let's go with that. by chance, i happened upon this video on youtube and gave it a watch. about halfway in i decided i had to read notes from underground for myself. i struggled to understand what the narrator was trying to get across. the unique writing style, where the reader is addressed directly, as if in challenge, helped me preserve.

i think part of what makes his work special to me is his depiction of people. and they really do feel like people more than characters, even if some of their characteristics are unique to the era dostoevsky wrote in. everything else about them transcends time. i can see myself in some of them. whether it be the titular idiot, prince myshkin in his naivety; alyosha, who goes from devout to doubting; and ivan, whose bitterness toward religion masks his disappointment at the state of the world. 

that's why the brothers karamazov touched me in particular. for some context, i grew up in a christian household and was heavily involved in the church (american northeast white baptist strand of church). around when i was 11 or so, the introduction of left-wing politics through social media had me undergo a looooong identity crisis. these new ideas felt at odds with what i'd spent my entire life believing. what i grappled with the most relates to ivan's anecdote, the grand inquisitor, where the goodness of god is called into question. the bitterness, the disappointment from crushed expectations, all those sensations resonated strongly with me. reading it as an adult who (supposedly) 'healed' from that time period in my life was like opening pandora's box. i'd never seen my thoughts and struggles so accurately described, or treated with more than a 'his ways are higher than our ways' type platitude. i stuffed these concerns of mine away because they only ever served to make me feel worse.

i won't delve deep into the Depressing Lore. the only reason i mention it is to stress how profound an impact the work had on me. throughout the remainder of TBK (and in most of dostoevsky's discography), the best and worst of humanity is shown. our hypocritical nature, capacity for evil; nothing is shied away from or made more palatable. and yet, throughout it all, our potential for good is shown too. whether it be in the little acts or monumental self-sacrifice. sometimes those acts are honored, or ‘worth it,’ sometimes they aren’t. it’s cheesy but whatever i’ll say it — choosing to love and serve others is my greatest joy. i don’t really need a definitive answer to those problems i struggled with. that’s the takeaway i’ve had from his work. it might not seem like a big deal, but not feeling guilty for having certain doubts or anxious over those doubts never fully being resolved was. very significant for me. and healing (for real this time). 

so that’s the sentimental perspective GJSDLKFJS from my writer’s perspective, i can only describe him as brilliant. his grasp on the human psyche is incredible. he can accurately describe so many emotions, worldviews, and give the context necessary for each one to feel organic and real. it’s vivid, too, in a way i can’t properly get across. everyone’s unfiltered and messy. characters contradict themselves in the same sentence. they’ll murmur, go off on tangents, tell stories, misquote the bible (or many other significant works), and just be overall disasters. aka how people actually are. 

the man’s also funny as hell. the protagonist from crime and punishment has a mental breakdown spanning multiple pages over a sock. yes, there’s context, but that’s still the gist of things. then there’s the issue of the hedgehog in the idiot. hedgehog drama. 

ultimately, his work is so very human. there’s commentary on issues that are prevalent to this day, multiple centuries later. the topics he touches on tend to align with what i care about most. whether i agree or disagree with what i’m reading, there’s always something i glean from it. something meaningful that sits with me long after i close the book. i’ll mull over it and bother people in my vicinity until they mull over it too. no one is safe. whether it be a co-worker or my dad who drives noticeably faster to reach our destination and be free of my many questions.

i could keep going but this ended up being long enough GJSKDF i hope at least something here makes sense?>?? i apologize for the incoherent ramblings. it's what the dude does to me.

[bucoliqves]

13 years after the events of the book ivan is a somewhat famous journalist, probably due to some controversies. he's rushing off home after a dull work of editing.

he's been feeling overall depressed in the past few weeks. he's trying to write down the great inquisitor once and for all, but deep down he's concerned about the critics and his own skills. mitya and grushenka are nowhere to be found, alyosha is up in the mountains teaching little kids the abc. he's got no friendly faces in moscow.

he sighs and takes a turn, when all of a sudden he bumps into someone coming from the opposite direction. he ends up on the ground. the first thing he notices are flowers - yellow flowers scattered on the ground. then an all-too-familiar scent of milk and honey. the stranger apologises, lands out a hand, and before his eyes look up his heart has recognised her.

her face seems more tired, a few silver strands peek through her hair, but her charm hasn't left her. katerina is still as beautiful as the day he'd left her. screw the articles, he thinks, and in a matter of seconds he's invited her for a drink.

they catch up, talk about family business and reminiscence the past. she's married. they've been trying for a child but no use. he's all by himself in a big apartment on the sadovaya. seldomely gets visits, never from the people he'd like to see. some things are just meant to be this way.

she's read one of his articles. two, actually. maybe three. perhaps a bit more. there's even a possibility she's cut them out and kept them at the bottom of a drawer next to her bed.

well, if she knew he was in town all along, why didn't she drop by to say hi? they hadn't left on good terms. to be honest, their last goodbye was pretty cold - almost indifferent. she thought reaching out for a stranger was not right. and quite frankly, she was still way too prideful to make the first move, though she never would've admitted it. they were older now. one would expect them to be wiser too.

how about they try again?, he proposes. two seconds later he's already regretting it, but he decides to blame it on the alcohol he's barely touched. she seems hesitant, so he promises to show her a secret project he's been working on as a proof of their renowned friendship.

he leads her to his apartment and she's the second witness ever of his cursed poem. she reads the first page and he's sweating like a sinner in church. she makes herself at home and sits down on the divan, completely immersed. at page five she stops. could he read it out loud for her? it'd be much more impactful. matter of fact, why doesn’t he turn this into a play?

ivan doesn't answer, just complies. she's back with her tortures, but he can't understand why. when he's done he's almost afraid of looking back at her. she's staring at him in awe. she's always known he was one mess of a genius. to think that she'd always despised chaos... what exactly did he do to her?

he should turn it into a play, that's her final statement. a wonderful play with splendid costumes and the best actors of moscow. she can help with the money. she can even help with the editing. it feels good to help, to see right through and not to look away - and this time it's not martyrdom, no. it's something more genuine to inspire her. it's almost love.

[pavelkaramazov]

This will be my worst post but fuck it. If you’re absolutely DETERMINED to take it there then Smerdy/Ivan absolutely BODIES Alyosha/Ivan in terms of narrative/characterization/dynamic/motif and theme/basically everything else that matters. But it is really not about that for the vast majority of people who are deadass about shipping yaoi from a Russian novel published in 1879. All the IvanYosha stuff seems like it’s really more about getting your rocks off on AO3 and drawing two conventionally attractive anime twinks kissing. To which I wonder why you wouldn’t pick literally any two characters from any media for that unless you’re just into incest or something. 

I really love the Grand Inquisitor kiss! And I don’t like seeing it interpreted that way! 

On the other hand something that drives me insane about my personal interpretation of the book is the juxtaposition between the Alyosha Ivan kiss vs Ivan’s general disgust for Smerdyakov. Why is Alyosha kissing Ivan a pure, innocent expression of Christian love for all humanity but Smerdyakov’s gesture of love (killing Fyodor) is something so perverse and horrifying? It shows us something about their station of life through the roles and the acts that are even allowed to them in the narrative.

As far as SmerdyIvan goes I am reminded of the JSTOR article I read (that I now cannot fucking find) where the author mentioned an idea that all of Dostoevsky’s novels center around or contain one central taboo that is so unspeakable that it is scarcely even outright mentioned, and that the central taboo in question in TBK is that Smerdyakov is the fourth brother.

Incest is already gotten into in canon and much has been written about this, especially regarding Dmitry and Fyodor’s rivalry over Grushenka, but also with Ivan falling in love with Dmitry’s ex. So even though we are going far afield from authorial intent, it is really not that much of a jump to start looking at emotional incest from other angles within the family, as we already know literally every other type of abuse was already occurring within that (entirely fractured) family unit. As far as I am concerned regarding authorial intent, any claim you want to make about a work of fiction is fair game as long as you can justify it with evidence from the text, and people have been writing academic articles and essays making wild inferences from this text for the last 150 years, so I defend my right to make this interpretation. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if Freud can diagnose Dostoevsky as bisexual we can say whatever we want about this book.

We know from the canon indisputably that Smerdyakov is unhealthily attached to Ivan, and we know that some vague thing about Smerdyakov sets Ivan’s Geiger counter for rancid horrific disgusting vibes to 10 immediately, anytime they are on the page together. So we can infer a lot from that.

Smerdyakov was literally born of sexual violence, and is a pariah in terms of his gender expression and sexuality, so him taking on the role of someone with a warped sexuality in the narrative just sort of… follows, in terms of the novels concern with the idea of inherited sin. 

There is something compelling to me about the idea that Smerdyakov would seek entrance into the Karamazov family in another, weirder way psychologically through attaching highly inappropriate feelings to Ivan. (‘If you think of me and my feelings toward you as incestuous, then that means you have acknowledged me as a family member’) 

And regardless of what I literally just said about authorial intent, Dostoevsky outright tells us how gay Smerdyakov is like every single time he’s on page. So there is also that.

Their relationship appeals to me greatly insofar as it is utterly disgusting and that’s my jam. There is lots to explore in this dynamic but one indisputable thing baked into the text between them is that it’s literally impossible to imagine any truly romantic union between them simply because of the way they both are. They repulse each other far too much for any expression of that sort. The actualization of their inappropriate relationship is not a culmination through an even vaguely romantic or sexual encounter, instead, it is the fulfilling a murder pact. 

They are like two oppositely charged magnets or something, in turns attracting and repulsing one another, pushing and pulling on each other’s gravitational pulls. Regarding the Tchermashnya-Moscow conversation, the way that their conversations are in doublespeak, with words said out loud and then literally entire other sentences written out in thought and illustrated through description of physicality, is incredibly fascinating to me. They seem to be literally communicating telepathically.  I am reminded of another JSTOR article I read that mentions the Dostoevskian doubles “exerting influence over one other that cannot be explained in any literal sense.”  The only reason they can communicate like this is because they are doubles, and this doublism is reinforced again in the narrative by their being fake twins, the same age but born to different mothers. 

They are each other’s shadows, they share a consciousness on some level, or access each other’s consciousnesses at different times through this shared plot in a way that seems incomprehensible to both of them. And Smerdyakov, in my own interpretation and opinion, as someone who is completely starved for any kind of positive regard, takes this for love. Whether that’s familial or otherwise or both. 

They engage in this mutual seduction towards an ultimate goal or realization: Ivan presents the idea, that “all is permitted” and that perhaps it would be for the better if Fyodor were dead, and Smerdyakov takes his lead from this and in turn pulls Ivan into the murder plot. Their relationship is romantic insofar as they are seducing one another in turn towards this unspeakable and forbidden act that they both desire: the murder.

They deny it right to each others faces, only Ivan’s is an earnest denial, to himself first and foremost, and to Smerdyakov it’s just sort of… foreplay. Like, “we’re just two clever people who are only saying this because we have to, and we get it, and you’re in this with me.” 

There is something really compelling too in the fact that Ivan is on board with the murder plot in one scene on a subconscious level, but later will utterly deny that any of this ever happened or that he ever felt that way. He has expressed and betrayed a desire that is so deviant, so forbidden, and so distressing to him that he has a psychological break over denying that that could have truly been something he wanted. Ivan expresses overwhelming disgust and disdain through the entire book, mostly towards Smerdyakov, but finally towards himself when he is forced to the realization of the role he has played as the idealogical murderer. Whereas Smerdyakov, the more active pursuer in their relationship, is not ashamed of his desires and is the one who ultimately has the lack of inhibition required to carry out The Forbidden Act. 

Ivan is attracted by Smerdyakov initially, despite himself, for reasons he can’t understand, like one is drawn to a cataclysmic disaster of fate in a Greek tragedy or something, and ultimately it descends into complete loathing on both sides, kills Smerdyakov, and mocks Ivan’s entire character by undermining his self concept and his entire value system and laying utterly bare his fatal flaws as a human being. Utterly doomed and hopeless relationship in every single way! 

Alas, no one wants to match my freak about this and that is definitely for the better. If I had to see ship art of them kissing anime style I would kms. Whatever the fuck they had going on is way better. 

[karamazovposting]

On incommunicability

I saw a post that mentioned how Ivan is so radicalized by child abuse and yet hates Pavel so much and I want to talk about it because I genuinely think about it a lot (I clearly have issues), but I'm making my own post because I don't want to randomly come rambling into a stranger's notes.

I've said it before, but Ivan is a paradoxical (I mean, other characters refer to him as such multiple times) person and that's exactly what I love about him and the dynamic between him and Pavel. In theory he wants to help people and in some instances he does, such as the whole making Dmitri escape prison situation and his encounter with the peasant in the snow, but when he has to get emotionally close in order to do so, like he would have had to do with Pavel, he doesn't. Ivan was the only one who could have helped Pavel, except he couldn't because he has issues and can only interact with others and love at a distance.

The difference between Dmitri's situation and Pavel's is that when it comes to the former, Ivan can still act at a safe distance and even through Katya and Alyosha, so it's not an emotional ordeal. There are a lot of feelings at play in this kind of situations and feelings are not something Ivan is good with, and I think it makes sense for him to feel such rage towards Pavel simply because that's what Ivan turns any feeling he doesn't know how deal with into, so I wouldn't exactly call Ivan a hypocrite as I think it's more complicated than that; pushing away people is all he does and it's coherent of him to do so with Pavel too. To me it also makes sense for him to fail to see the suffering children that the adults around him once were, as absurd that may seem. It's all about rage and the blindness that comes with it.

It's important to highlight that it's explicitly stated that even Ivan himself doesn't know why he feels so angry towards Pavel; I've always wondered about the background of Ivan's change of attitude towards him, considering they used to have a civil relationship and it's mentioned that they used to have intellectual conversations as well, and honestly I think it's because of Ivan and his comfort zone: when things become too much, he distances himself. It's obvious that he knows what his brothers' childhoods were like, he even brings up the suffering of children at lunch with Alyosha, he knows that it ties them all together and that knowledge, on top of the abuse, has impacted him deeply. Having Pavel keep trying to get closer angers him even more and, personal opinion here, it reminds me of the way Fyodor tries to get Ivan to talk to him in some passages of the book. On the other hand, Pavel tells Ivan he's just like their father because to him Ivan is in fact just like their father: another person who discarded him. And it all stems from a deep mutual misunderstanding.

I can't really condemn Ivan, just like I can't really condemn Pavel (or Dmitri); they're a product of their environment and to me The Brothers Karamazov is also a book about misunderstanding and incommunicability: sometimes there's just some sort of invisible barrier between family members that nobody can really do anything about, and sometimes you find yourself in something that is so messed up, so tangled and so much bigger than you that you just don't know where to start to fix it (you can't, not alone at least) and I hope you get what I'm trying to say as it's difficult to explain the very specific and complicated mechanisms and feelings in such dysfunctional family dynamics.

I've said before that I don't consider Ivan's character and story tragic and while I still stand by that, this is to me the tragic thing about him: he, who has empathy for and wants to help those who've been abused, could've done something to actually help a (now grown) abused child close to him, in his own family, but couldn't even try due to being emotionally neglected (and therefore a now grown abused child) himself. In the end his inability to break the cycle, which is itself part of the cycle, digs his own grave and that's incredibly fucking sad.

[ptn-imagines]

Hello there. If possible, do you have any headcanons about horseback rider / horse girl / equestrian / Cinnabar? Since Cinnabar has a white horse with her while in her Courteous Call / Regards skin (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bPy_yLZvHY-), I thought about asking this question. Personally, I think Cinnabar would take F!Chief on horseback riding dates, maybe even performing a few Dressage techniques for F!Chief. What do you think? Thank you too! :)

Here you go anon, sorry for the wait! Honestly, this request reminded me of how much I miss riding myself; I had a lot of fun with it!

Equestrian Cinnabar x F!Chief

Cinnabar and Chief have been dating for a while, sharing an apartment in one of the lower income areas of Eastside. They don’t have much to their name, but it’s enough to live a comfortable life, and they’re happy.

Chief works at the local police station, though she’s getting more and more unhappy with her job by the day as the rate of corruption continues to steadily increase. Cinnabar works for a private security firm, and while she doesn’t seem as discontent as Chief herself is, she can still notice the seemingly-eternal exhaustion in the eyes of her dearest.

One day, Chief comes home from work to see Cinnabar reading a letter with wide eyes. Worrying that it’s something bad, Chief asks about it; with amazement in her tone, Cinnabar explains that an old friend of her father’s wanted her to take over her family’s horse ranch.

Chief had no idea that Cinnabar’s family owned a horse ranch; her girlfriend had never mentioned it before. Naturally, there was no end to the questions. It turned out that Cinnabar had grown up on her family’s horse ranch, and her father had fostered an avid love of riding in her. When her father died, some of her spark for equestrian did too. Her father’s best friend, Alyosha, took over the ranch, and a teenaged Cinnabar continued to ride for several years, competing in many competitions and winning no shortage of prizes. She was the pride of everyone who lived and worked on the ranch… but eventually, that hollow hole in her heart became too much, and she moved away to study at a police academy.

The two deliberate for a long time over whether Cinnabar should accept Alyosha’s offer, as she’s still hesitant about returning to the ranch after such a long time. Eventually, Chief manages to convince her; both of them are clearly falling into a rut with their current lifestyle, and perhaps, after so long away, some of Cinnabar’s wounds may have healed.

The two pack up and prepare to move that weekend. It’s a several hours long car ride out to the countryside, though Chief ends up taking over the driving no less than an hour in, noticing that Cinnabar is jittery and distracted.

Chief had half-expected Cinnabar to immediately head for the stables upon their arrival, but that wasn’t the case. Instead, she brought Chief inside the main house to give her a tour; it seemed like the house hadn’t changed that much in the years she’d been gone. Cinnabar’s old bedroom was almost untouched, and the two moved into it.

Chief was also introduced to the others on the ranch. Alyosha was a strict man and she couldn’t help but feel like he was judging her closely, but she could also tell that he and Cinnabar were very close.

The other ranch-hands were a lot friendlier than Alyosha, and they all seemed to perk up upon learning she was Cinnabar’s girlfriend. They offered to give her a tour of the rest of the ranch while Cinnabar spoke with Alyosha, and their questions and teasing were pretty much endless.

It wasn’t until the next morning that Cinnabar returned to the stables. Waking up at around six AM, Chief noticed she was alone in bed. Heading out to the kitchen, she was given some toast and coffee by a friendly ranch-hand and informed that Cinnabar had gotten up to do chores two hours ago.

After finishing breakfast and thanking the ranch-hand, Chief headed out to the stables, which she couldn’t help but notice were at least twice as clean as they were yesterday. Some of the other ranchers working in the stables already helpfully directed Chief to one of the end stalls.

When Chief first saw Cinnabar grooming the proud white stallion, she couldn’t help but stop in her tracks, breath caught in her throat. Cinnabar was dressed in full riding gear, gloves to boots, a hand on the horse’s neck as she murmured softly to it. Though Chief couldn’t make out the words, she recognized the affection in her girlfriend’s tone; Cinnabar was nothing short of resplendent.

The horse noticed Chief, its ears flicking; noticing, Cinnabar turned to see what had gotten its attention, and blushed right away. “C-Chief, I wasn’t expecting it to be you. I thought you’d sleep in more.”

“Couldn’t help it. My bed-warmer was gone.” Chief made a joke to try and cover up how flustered she was, hesitantly stepping closer. “You look like you’ve found where you’re meant to be, Cin.”

Cinnabar blushed deeper, and distracted herself by introducing the horse to Chief. His name was Knight and he was the horse Cinnabar had been riding since she was little; though he was getting older, he was still the gentle and regal soul he had always been. Cinnabar encouraged Chief to let Knight smell her hands, and then gently pat him; indeed, Knight’s response was quite agreeable, and he seemed to be enjoying the attention.

Despite the full riding gear, though, Cinnabar didn’t take Knight out to ride. She instead attached a lead rope to Knight’s halter and walked him around the paddock. Chief could tell that Cinnabar was still hesitant about riding; she wanted to help, but wasn’t sure how, so she resolved to simply support her girlfriend.

It took about a week for Cinnabar to finally decide to try riding Knight again. During this time, Chief had been slowly adjusting to waking up in the wee hours of the morning to head out and help Cinnabar with her chores. She’d actually yet to ride any horses herself, but she liked to think she was good at mucking their stalls, grooming and feeding them, and cleaning their tack and whatnot.

Cinnabar had been hesitant while putting Knight’s tack on, but as soon as she sat astride the saddle, she was all confidence and poise. Later on, Cinnabar explained that horses were very in tune with their rider’s emotions, and she hadn’t wanted Knight to be affected by her lingering uncertainties.

Cinnabar walked Knight for a few laps around the paddock to warm up, then a trot, then a gentle canter. It wasn’t anything particularly incredible – no galloping or jumping or any amazing equestrian feats. Still, Chief couldn’t help but note how absolutely at home in the saddle Cinnabar looked, and she knew that this was where her girlfriend truly belonged, not in the big city.

After about a month on the ranch had passed, Cinnabar invited Chief to go trail riding with her, and she was more than happy to accept. She was breathless in awe at the scenery – her girlfriend had taken her on a trail that wound down by the shore of a large lake with pristine waters, one impossible to reach by motor vehicles. The leaves on the trees were just starting to turn colors, too, creating a picturesque view that Chief knew would be seared into her memory forever.

Of course, her favorite part was by far feeling her back pressed up against Cinnabar’s chest, basking in their shared warmth. It was an extremely close and intimate feeling, and despite having never ridden horseback before, Chief had never felt more safe and secure than in this moment.

It had become apparent by now that Cinnabar would indeed be taking over the ranch, so the riding trails became a date the two of them went on every weekend, weather permitting. Chief was in awe of the sheer amount of hidden trails tucked away in the countryside, and just when she thought she’d gotten a grasp on one of them, Cinnabar would reveal a new shortcut or secret path, once again reinvigorating her with a child-like wonder. Of course, her favorite part was always spending time so close to Cinnabar.

After about a month or two on the ranch, Chief could see that Cinnabar was back in the saddle as though she’d never stopped riding in the first place. Chief often found herself leaning against the fence of the paddock, watching as her girlfriend made complicated jumps look like child’s play, or left the times of the other ranch residents in the dust during any sort of race.

One of the ranchers informed Chief that Cinnabar had been quite the dressage star in her youth. Chief wondered if what Cinnabar had already shown her didn’t count as star quality anyway, but her curiosity got the best of her and she ended up asking her girlfriend if she could see some techniques. Cinnabar was embarrassed, but obliged. As soon as she saw Cinnabar performing even basic dressage, Chief forgot how to breathe; she’d always thought Cinnabar and Knight were incredibly in tune, but now it was as if they moved as a single entity. Steed and rider, there seemed to be no difference between the two, and Chief found herself spellbound by the graceful dance of dressage, the ultimate understanding between two companions. It quickly became a delight to watch Cinnabar put on private dressage showings for her; if Chief had had any doubts that Cinnabar belonged on the ranch, they would’ve long been dispelled.

Cinnabar eventually offered to buy Chief a horse of her own, and Chief said she’d think about it; however, the truth was that she really couldn’t see herself as an equestrian at all. Riding in the saddle with Cinnabar and helping her to take care of Knight… It may not be the typical idea of life on a horse ranch, but it’s the only life Chief felt like she needed. And, at the end of the day… Both her and Cinnabar were happier than they’d ever been.

[confessionofanardentheart]

1.5 Starsty

Ivan seeks something unknown as of yet, Mitya seeks life's pleasures and what he's owed (a self- affirmed truth) and Alyosha seeks a bright truth quite beyond the dark world around him, as if he had found himself in Plato's cave. I expressed his love for humanity and desire to isolate himself are paradoxical -and they still are, though they are not contradictory. What Alyosha seeks is a truth via negation. The world of our senses is more complex and dark than it seems, the holy light is one, and it's simple yet mysterious. The achievement of the divine truth via negation -God is an other quite unlike the world and what we believe to be true about it. Alyosha seeks a truth at all costs, and if he ended in the monastery, it was only because he ended a Christian because of how he thinks, rather than his religion or a miracle shaping how he thinks. That's how he is a realist. The moment he reaches a different conclusion, he will chase it, no matter how diametrically opposed it is to his life so far, just as he decided to give "all" instead of "two rubles". So if the immortality of the soul proved to be the truth he arrived to, he will remove himself from the chaos, out of conviction and not fright- to be left alone with the light and contemplate it.

Shutting himself in a monastery despite his love for humanity is paradoxical, but necessary in his eyes... Just as there is paradoxical tension between obedience to the elder and freedom, with the former being seen as necessary to achieve freedom of the soul, as it is in many philosophies and doctrines that regard ignorance and endless desire as the true prisons of the human soul. Alyosha was compelled to go to the monastery out of admiration and love towards Elder Zosima, perhaps a father figure for this orphan? Far from being disconnected from the world, he is a man of the people who remains unbothered when Fyodor Karamazov is going to call at his door.

Alyosha is passionate about what he believes to be the right path, but he's still just a novice who feels anxious upon realizing he may be forced to become a spectator for the scene his relatives will make in the place he holds dear to his heart. Ivan's silence deeply unsettles him. Even Dmitri, who became more attached to him than his own full- blooded brother, worries him— as much as he respects his beloved Zosima, he's as powerless as he is to prevent what will follow...

--------

Links:

@keepingupwiththekaramazovs

[nightskylonging]

Thinking about Ivan's statement to Alyosha --- about the 'sticky little leaves'. It's such a powerful thing and honestly it's where the book became one of my favorites, because what Ivan is saying is 'I will live for you', and that's the opposite of the very common, fierce idea of 'I love you so much I will die for you' which can make an interesting story, but augh. 'I love you, so I will live for you', especially when you are struggling with your own mind is such a brave thing to say. And that's what Ivan says. And it's so hopeful as well, which is of course a key part of Alyosha's character, and how he brings out the best in every single person he meets, and - I could go onto a whole rant here about how this trait of his is a huge part of how he is exemplary of how Christians are to treat each other, but I'll save that for another day.

[karamazovanon]

Do you have any thoughts about Alyosha's momentary crisis of faith? Because I understood why he had one, but not so much why he was immediately ready to drink and go see Grushenka. Interested to see if you've any opinions on the matter, either regarding Grushenka or just in general.

OOOOOO this is an interesting question and my answer is going to get kinda long, warning you now LOL

i think alcohol & drinking in general is often a big part of "the karamazovian nature"—fyodor pavlovich and mitya are open alcoholics & hedonists, and ivan's heavily implied to be an alcoholic as well by his delirium tremens at the end—and more generally as one of the wordly temptations that human nature as a whole is susceptible to (tangent, but this is also really interesting when you keep in mind ivan's cup analogy!! drinking & cups are tied to living & life so often; mitya chooses to "fill" his cup/life with alcohol, ivan drinks in secret until he throws the cup/life to the ground at 30 in rebellion, and alyosha instead chooses to fill his cup/life with god. one of the schiller verses mitya quotes in the ardent confession chapter even says "To the soul of God’s creation / Joy eternal brings her draught, / In strong secret fermentation / Flames the cup of life aloft")

and the common denominator is that they don't believe enough to overcome the natural urge to indulge. mitya does believe, but he can't stop himself and reproaches himself for it; ivan doesn't believe despite wanting to and that contributes too imo. but alyosha doesn't drink and is an ascetic for the most part bc everything for him is based off of his unwavering faith—and so when his entire worldview and moral system is shaken by both ivan and father zosima, he questions EVERYTHING and begins feeling detached from reality when it doesn't match up. without his bulletproof faith intact, he no longer has the external ruleset to dictate his behavior, and the karamazovian desire to ease pain with alcohol wins for a moment without being able to trust his prior moral compass

(on rereading for this post, i don't have a formulated thought on it but it's interesting that he agrees to rakitin's initial offer of vodka even though they end up having champagne instead—there's probably some connection there between vodka and worldly/russian baseness vs champagne, which while not communion wine is still wine LMAO)

this quote from the onion chapter is what stands out the most to me, bold mine:

"Alyosha cried out with a wail in his voice. ‘I speak to you not as a judge, but as the least of the judged. What am I before her? I came here in order to be destroyed, saying: “Go on, go on!” – and that was because of my cowardice, while she, after five years of suffering, no sooner did someone come and say a sincere word to her, forgave everything, forgot everything and cried! The assailant of her honour has returned, is summoning her, and yet she forgives him everything and hurries to him in joy and she will not take the knife, she will not take it! Oh, I am not like that! I do not know whether you are like that, Misha, but I am not like that! Today, the moment I received this lesson, I … She loves in a way that is loftier than yours or mine … Have you heard her say this earlier, what she said just now? No, you have not; if you had, you would have understood everything long ago … And let the other woman, whom she offended the other day, let her, too, forgive her! And she will forgive her, if she learns of this … and she shall learn of it … This soul has not yet been reconciled, we must spare it … This soul may contain a treasure …" (tr. mcduff)

when he loses his infallible external/divine guidance, he has to turn inward/to the world around him instead, where he finds guilt and the human urge to self-destroy (as well as the influence of rakitin & his schadenfreude) and as a karamazov, it naturally comes first in the form of alcohol (women, too, but alyosha never really shows any desire on that front) when he sees grushenka's kindness and forgiveness, he snaps out of it and his faith is reinforced (while he believes he's a sinner and unworthy, he sees in her christlike forgiveness and is reminded that although he has these karamazovian urges, giving in to them entirely isn't the answer etc etc im not a theologian and have been writing too long anyway)

this has been such a long ramble with so little structure but this is SUCH an interesting plot point, thank you for asking my thoughts on it!! :D

[gegengestalt]

Some thoughts on how Dmitri Karamazov and Pavel Smerdyakov are perfect foils

*Keep in mind that this contains spoilers for the entire book and that in order for this comparison to work, one must assume that the rumour about Fyodor being Pavel Smerdyakov's biological father has to be true.

While there is a lot written on the theological debate of Ivan and Alyosha Karamazov, I have yet to see a comparison of Mitya Karamazov and Pavel Smerdyakov. Perhaps I haven't explored enough, but these are my two cents (dare I say 3000 rubles) on the matter. Both taken care of by Grigory, both suspects in the murder of Fyodor Pavlovich, yet two men couldn't be more different from each other. I will write down my thoughts in this order:

Different from their birth (social circumstances)

Contrasting the individuals (their descriptions and characterization, side by side)

Brotherhood (relationships to Ivan and Alyosha, preparation for the next point

Narrative (their place in the narrative)

1. Different from their birth

From even before they were born, their paths are opposed. Mitya is born out of the union of Fyodor Pavlovich and Adelaida Miusova, an aristocratic, beautiful and educated young woman who married Fyodor against her family's wishes and was no innocent victim of his. Even when he left her son, it was her choice, though a hard one (and probably the best one, considering her fate.)(BookI,chapter1). Stinking Lizaveta didn't have much of a choice. She was a poor and mentally disabled woman who suffered violence from Fyodor shortly after Adelaida left, and died in childbirth (BIIIch2). Mitya keeps a connection to his mother through his inheritance, but for Pavel, it's a curse. He is "the stinking son of Stinking Lizaveta", and ironically the child that remains in his father's home for the longest time.

From these circumstances, the children grow up to be a firstborn who feels entitled to what he feels is owed to him, and an illegitimate son whose work as a servant is taken for granted. Yet, even when Mitya is of a good social position and Pavel is of a lower one, Mitya is the one who seems to sink below what is considered to be how an aristocrat should act in public and is compared to a beast, and he has often surrounded himself with peasants in his parties. Pavel is the one who takes small steps to strive for more than what he's given, he likes to dress well, he learns and has aspirations beyond what he's expected to do. (For this whole paragraph, BVch2)

2. Contrasting the individuals

Their differences come down to individual characteristics as well, and it's evident even in how they present themselves. Mitya is described as muscular and sporting signs of masculinity like a moustache that is often seen in military men (BIIch6) He walks with long strides, he's loud, outwardly emotional and often gesticulates in exaggerated manners. Pavel's main physical feature is his weakness and sickliness. Compared to Mitya's masculinity, Pavel is portrayed as emasculate, as he is compared to an eunuch. He has a silent and discreet demeanour, and he's not very expressive. (BIIIch6, BIXch6)

Mitya is impulsive. This causes him to have a temper and not be very smart in the way that requires focus, patience and forethought (seeing him as completely stupid leaves out so much of his character). What Pavel lacks in the physical strength that Mitya has, he makes up for with a more calculated and patient approach. He's neat and meticulous even in the night of the murder, while Mitya runs around stained in blood. Speaking of meticulousness, it's interesing to me how Pavel's behaviour could be described as effeminate, while Mitya's masculinity is overdone through several masculine stereotypes at once (the knight of honour, the brute, the sensitive and tortured artist).

When it comes to women, God, their country and poetry, their opinions are comically different. Mitya enjoys the attention he gets from women and returns it, he expresses love for God and Russia in the text and he's very fond of poetry, quoting it often and even speaking with rhymes and wordplays at times. (BookIIIchIII&IV, Epilogue 2). Pavel happens to disdain all of these. While he holds contempt for both men and women, the suggestion of marriage digusted him. He rejects God, claims to hate all of Russia and declares that poetry is rubbish ("who ever talks in rhyme?" well, it seems like Mitya does)(BIIIch6, BVch2).

3. Brotherhood

Ivan and Alyosha, the children of Sofia Ivanovna, have contrasting relationships with their half- brothers. Mitya, who quickly grew fond of Alyosha, puts him in a moral high- ground and pours out his heart to him. Alyosha accepts it and reciprocates his brotherly love, even if he isn't as outwardly enthusiastic. Pavel, on the other hand, looked up to Ivan on the basis of thinking they could be alike and shows great interest in Ivan's displays of intellect. Ivan is increasingly scornful of Pavel as the story progresses. Ivan and Alyosha's contrasts extend to their half- brothers as well. Mitya and Alyosha are the life- affirming pair of half- brothers, while Ivan and Pavel are the pair with the ideas deemed destructive by the narrative.

Two fun contrasts I noticed, as a side note:

Mitya and Alyosha are two sides of not working for money, and Pavel and Ivan are two sides of work.

Book III ends with Alyosha and Mitya parting ways and Book V ends with Pavel and Ivan parting ways.

4. Narrative

While Ivan and Alyosha carry the theological and philosophical discussion in the heart of the book, Mitya and Pavel are the main players in the world that puts the theories and ideals to the test. Dostoyevsky's narrative attempts to make the reader sympathize and have faith in the greatly flawed human being that is Mitya. Those who believed in his capacity for spontaneous good will never believe that he murdered his father, while those who didn't would have a harder time believing in his open- ended redemption. Pavel's case is a little more complicated. His inner thoughts aren't as exposed as Mitya's, and his motivations aren't explicitly nor reliably stated, so it's harder to consider his importance unless one pays attention to how the narrator presents him as an outsider, a shallow presence. Not even his relationship with Marya is explored. I have my reasons to believe this may be a deliberate choice, since a theme in Fyodor Dostoyevsky's work is the suffering of the lower classes. Mitya is a great character, but Pavel isn't, not because he's badly written, but because perhaps his conflicts aren't Mitya's intense and paradoxical angst and passion. Perhaps there is a lot of boring and unromantic pain in the world.

Mitya and Pavel execute Alyosha's and Ivan's respective positions, even further. Mitya's religious fervor surpasses Alyosha's, his faith is a simple and unwavering affirmation even when he's drowning in the guilt of sin or Rakitin pesters him to dissuade him from his faith. His religiosity goes so far that he overdoes one of the core ideas of the book: while he embraces Zosima's idea of guilt for all, it doesn't just mean that he should be guilty for everyone, but that everyone is guilty for everyone else. Those are fundamentally different things. As for Pavel, he dared to do what Ivan doesn't, he put his ideas in practice (BXIch7-8). However, I don't believe that he was directly inspired by him. I think he adapted the ideas to his own interests. Sometimes people love to realize what they already knew, and wait until they find a justification. One of my favourite things about Dostoyevsky is that we see the philosophical content happen in the world of his stories.

From their birth to their fates, two men couldn't be more different. Mitya, who acted or expressed himself in a suicidal manner well over ten times, ultimately stays away from the pistols and declares a sense of responsibility for a crime he did not commit. Pavel, who was shown to feel attachment to his own life and save his own skin, destroys himself out of his own volition after tormenting Ivan.

Thank you so much for reading if you made it all the way to the end!

[touloserlautrec]

If I can ask multiple questions from the group dynamics ask game I'd love to see what 7, 9, 22, and 30 would be.

Ooh thanks for asking! This'll be fun :D (From this ask game here!)

Answering all of these for the cast of Sunset, though there are a few different friend groups throughout the story, given that there are approximately 10,000 characters in the cast. 😂

7. Has anybody ever dated anybody else in the group? If so, how did it go?

For the Reeve crew: There was a very brief moment in time when Gareth and Hannah dipped a toe into giving it a try, but while she isn't aro, Hannah IS very ace and Gareth very much is not. He respects her in that regard, but it wasn't going to work in a relationship. So now their relationship isn't quite just friends, and it's not partners, but a secret third thing. 🤷‍♂️ And of course, Alex and Reeve have their respective crushes on each other, and if my art hasn't spoiled it for you yet, I won't go there in detail now.

9. When they get together, where is it they hang out?

For the Saturn officers at LAHQ: Mackenzie and Rafe frequently hold get togethers in their flat for the little family that is the Saturn officers. Louis, Grace, Sandford, and Stormy come over for dinner and board games with them probably once every other week (and Logan joins too, since he's Rafe's second in Terre and is therefore more or less an honorary Saturn buddy). (Poor Logan and Rafe, having to sometimes play deduction games like The Resistance or Donner Dinner Party with a gaggle of actual spies 🤣) Elsewhere in LAHQ: Darwin and Jake frequent a local greasy spoon diner.

22. Who considers who their best friend? Does this cause problems?

Among LAHQ Department heads/officers: Emmett and Marek are best friends, Penn and Freddie are best friends. Those are the two that immediately come to mind, at least as of where we are in Vol 2. The only problems this really causes is that this arrangement means Penn and Marek have no choice but to hang out together more often (especially because Emmett and Freddie also get along well). Marek doesn't mind this-- he loves hanging out with his pal, Pennjamin/Penntathalon/Penne Pasta...etc. But Penn is less enchanted (see afforementioned nicknames). (Fox will eventually make it to LAHQ, at which point, he and Sandford [aka Sandy] will become BFFs, which... RIP everyone they work with haha) For the Reeve crew: Hannah and Gareth are best friends, but also so are Hannah and Alex (Hannah is not a particularly discriminatory person when it comes to BFFs and neither Gareth nor Alex seem to mind much). Reeve's best friend is Alyosha, and that is kinda loaded, since Alyosha is so separate from the team, but he's so loveable that they welcomed him in pretty quickly.

30. Make a meme that depicts your group's energy.

You get two!