#he loses key parts of himself and doesnt even realize that a lot of the parts left behind are still parts of himself that he hates

[oceanwithouthermoon]

ive never liked powerless saiki aus because the entire conclusion of the series is him accepting his powers as being a part of him that he cant change so like.. in aus where the power remover works, half of his development is erased..

if he had been "powerless" for longer, we wouldve gotten to see him realize this himself and im genuinely sad that we didnt.. we got to see him realize that being powerless wasnt the change he wished it would be and that its something he cant change, but its literally over a two day long period and we miss out on sooo much potential development..

and then in aus where hes born powerless, people think he would have the exact personality and development that he THOUGHT he would if he got rid of/didnt have his powers, like NO ? "without powers he would be another satou-" NO he would be a shy, borderline flamboyant, weird, awkward, genius LOSER.

he would have a more normal relationship with his brother (still probably competitive but in a way more average sibling way and kusuke wouldnt have had the motivation to become so murderous) and he would probably be even more friendless but with less trauma.. he may or may not have ever befriended akechi at all, and the classroom incident wouldnt have happened.. even some of his current friends might not be around if not for coincidences due to his powers or direct involvement from his powers.. (nendo and kaido would for sure still be there though, but this only ensures the idea that he would be the biggest fcking loser ever)

he would still be saiki, but. his powers are a key part of him. he would be totally different without them, but NOT in the way he thinks he would..

[ryukatters]

Ok so imagine:

Gojo is pretty emotionally disconnected from most, refuses to let himself get attached most of the time after everything thats happened to him.

And then you show up

He doesn’t want to slip up. He doesnt want to form another bond like that. But its like he can’t stop it. Maybe you just remind him of what he’s lost, maybe it’s the way you see him as him rather than “the strongest,” an annoyance, or something shallow. It happens slow, so slow he barely even picks it up, but the feelings bloom. You just enrapture him. And he remembers everything that happened last time he got so close to another person, and he’s terrified to accept it but terrified to turn it away and loose the last chance he might have at a relationship like that.

so he takes it, tries to claim you in every sense of the word. You’re weaker than him, possibly even an underling, so there’s definitely a power dynamic that makes it easier for him to keep control. Maybe he tries to keep you hidden, but maybe he likes to drag you around like a dog, only loaning you off to somebody else when it gets too dangerous. Either way, it’s not like you can run because he’d definitely find you. He is absolutely NOT going to lose something so important to him, not again. He’d do whatever it takes, even if it meant making himself look like the bad guy in your eyes because you understand him so well, so he’s sure he can turn your relationship back to the positive side with just a little explanation and coercion

(idk if this may be a bit ooc but… its been rotting in my brain ty for letting me dump it here)

trigger warnings/content: yandere, stalking, power dynamics, obsession, Gojo is a few years older than reader, no smut, just word vomit

It starts off small. You’re a budding sorcerer, a few years Gojo’s junior, and also a new teacher at Tokyo Jujutsu High, trying to adjust to your new job. Gojo takes it upon himself to mentor you. You don’t think anything of it, other than the fact that it’s a little intimidating to have the strongest sorcerer of the era to serve as your guide.

You’re strong, he can see. You’re hardened by a few rough years of working in the field, but even despite barely meeting you, your facade cracks and he can see the goodness underneath.

Gojo’s impenetrable most days. To a lot of people, he might be a loud, annoying nuisance, but to you, you see a broken man who tries to keep everyone at arm’s length at the expense of his pride and reputation as a formidable sorcerer.

Gojo’s extremely intelligent, and uses it to play his cards wisely. It took him years to build a persona that’ll prevent outsiders from ever looking in. You manage to unravel him day by day, and it almost frustrates him.

Almost.

Until he realizes there’s no point in fighting the inevitable— he’ll have to let you in eventually.

There’s a fear in Gojo’s eyes when he sees you. It’s like all tomorrows appear in a blink. Your entire essence, so good, so innocent about the cruelty of the world. It reminds him of innocence he once had in his youth. Something about you is so magnetizing, and no matter how much Gojo wants to fight it, he can’t help but be pulled in.

He wants you. And he wants you to want him. Need him. Desire him carnally in the way he does you.

Slowly, he lets you see parts of him that no one else has ever seen. His love is so overwhelming, and because it’s Satoru— with his sweet words and seemingly good intentions— he manages to have you fall for him too. And when he finally, officially has you (because let’s face it, he decided you were his long before that point), he manages to keep you under lock and key.

For your safety, he reasons.

After all— is he really the strongest if he doesn’t do what he can to keep you safe?

The rose colored glasses seem to wear off over time, and you start to see Gojo for the monster he really is.

It takes a few months of garnering courage to even attempt to begin planning your escape from him. You do it slowly, but carefully, calculating every step to make sure you don’t leave a trail behind.

You get one of the auxiliary managers to buy you a back up phone, set up a whole new bank account overseas, and eventually *secretly* book a ticket to a whole different country— one far from the grasp of Satoru Gojo.

Fate, by some miracle, seems to be on your side. Yaga calls both of you in for an emergency meeting. Gojo is being sent away on a week long mission abroad to snuff out a new curse user group that has connections to one here in Japan. You— a local mission to check out disappearances in a nearby town.

You can feel the hostility radiating from the man standing next to you. You dare to take a peek, and you see nothing but an airy smile. “Yaga, I’ll take care of their mission. It should be quick for me—“

“No, Satoru. They haven’t been on a mission in months, thanks to you being greedy and taking on everything. Being a good mentor means letting them take calculated risks.”

With that, both of you sign off on paperwork and begin to prepare for your respective missions. The atmosphere is tense in Gojo’s home— the same one he made you move into just a few months prior (“So you don’t have to worry about commuting so far. ‘Sides, there’s a lot of creeps lurking around out there, and I’m not talking about curses.”)

Gojo refuses to leave you until he makes sure that you’ll be safe. Borderline threatens Ijichi to keep a close eye on you, and the poor man is nothing short of pissing his pants.

He pulls you aside before Ijichi starts preparing the veil. One hand rests on your waist, squeezing almost a little bit too tightly, like he’s afraid you’ll vanish if he lets go, while the other tilts your chin up so you can meet his gaze.

He has his blindfold on, but you know all of his attention is on you. “I know you won’t have service inside the veil, but the second it gets lifted you’re going to call me.”

You nod, and listen like the good girl he likes you to be. With that, he gives you a kiss on the forehead before he leaves.

You manage to locate the missing victims and exorcise the curse in less than 48 hours. You do as you’re told and call Gojo. He picks up after the first ring, and you think you can hear a shuddered sigh of relief on the other line upon hearing your voice. He tells you he has to go, only because duty calls, and that he’ll talk to you soon. Be good. Update him. Don’t leave without permission.

As usual, you appease him.

You make it back home in record time, tell Ijichi to wait outside because you need him to take you somewhere.

You leave your phone behind— the one that Gojo has the location of— and shut the door with nothing but a small suitcase in tow.

Ijichi stammers, you want to go where? Alone? Does Gojo know about this?

You tell him there’s no time for questions and to start driving.

He drops you off at Narita, in the international terminal. He’s visibly sweating, no doubt fearing for both his life and yours once a certain white haired sorcerer gets back from his mission. You give him an easy smile and thank him, and he speeds off, probably to go into hiding as well.

Your hands are shaky as you hand the boarding pass to the flight crew, and the tremors don’t stop even as you take a seat inside the plane. Even when you arrive at your destination, lay down in your bed in what’s going to be your temporary home for who knows how long, does your anxiety fail to cease.

Gojo knows something is off. He’s blown up your phone with endless calls and texts, called Ijichi countless times, and even asked Yaga about your whereabouts. Nothing. Your radio silence confirms his intuition. He finishes up his mission quickly, before the one week allotment is up. The first thing he does when he steps foot in Japan is immediately teleport back home.

He’s met with silence, and hardly any trace of your cursed energy residuals to be seen. You’ve been gone for a few days, he deduces.

Anxiety starts to prickle the back of his neck, he doesn’t remember the last time he’s ever felt this much concern for anyone. Are you hurt? He tries calling you again, until he hears it. The slight buzzing sound emanating from your shared bedroom.

He picks up the device and sees the log of notifications. You really were gone.

Satoru looks through your phone— messages, emails, camera roll, bank statements— anything, anything to give him a hint as to what you were up to. Nothing. That’s okay, onto the next plan, which is honestly what he should’ve done first.

Being the strongest sorcerer had its perks, but none of them were greater than his privilege to investigate into people’s background history.

You know deep down there really was no escape from Satoru Gojo. That no matter the distance, he’d find a way back to you.

So when you see Gojo sitting on your bed in your hotel room, a part of you isn’t that surprised. The rest of you is paralyzed with anxiety of what comes next. You want to run, but you can’t. Your eyes begin to shift towards the still open door, trying to assess your options, but you’re hardly given a chance to finish your thought before Gojo is in front of you, closing the door. Effectively shut away from the outside world.

He’s not wearing his blindfold, you noticed. Which means he’s probably been tracking the flow of your cursed energy the moment you stepped foot into the lobby.

His stormy gaze meets yours, and he smiles. Your stomach drops.

“So…” he starts, voice sinfully low, “thought you could get away, hm?” He’s backed you up against the door, his strong frame pressed against yours.

Words bubble up your throat but die as they reach the tip of your tongue. You don’t want to set him off. You’ve only been given small glimpses into Gojo’s more sadistic, domineering side, which he does on purpose to serve as warning. You’re not like anyone else, so I’ll be good to you. In return, you must be good for me.

You start to tremble, legs beginning to fail you— but Satoru’s there to hold you steady. He uses one hand to grip your face, squishing both of your cheeks until your lips are pursed. He watches with deep adoration and fascination at how pliant the flesh is between his fingers. It’s like you were made for him.

“I’m willing to forget that you did this,” he hums, placing a quick peck to the tip of your nose before he presses his forehead against yours. “If you promise to get in that bed with me until I’ve decided you’re forgiven.”

Work belongs to @ryukatters. Please do not repost, recommend, or translate my writing on TikTok or Twitter.

[autisticlalna]

a key factor to dviking's character for me has always been "he cares about people". he's quick to help, willing to grit his teeth and throw himself under the bus (even if it's fueled by desperation to get something he wants), attached enough to offer taneesha a chance to gain her memories back, trying to be in everyones good graces. he spent his entire life-after-death on the sidelines watching people, getting to know them when they didnt even know he existed, longing to be a part of their story.

i like to think he spent a lot of time pretending he was part of their story-- adding onto conversations and sometimes things they say sound like responses to him. tagging along on mining trips. dropping by to visit people and see what they're up to. lurking in the background during important events. an unseen factor.

the other thing about dviking, though, is that he is terrifying and he has no idea. hes spent eons lost and alone, making one-sided friendships with people who dont even know he exists, slowly losing sanity as the pit where his memories used to be threatens to swallow him whole. he slips in idle threats in the same tone he uses to talk about the weather. he has a vault with ten sets of netherite armor and an ancient debris throne, a plan to sacrifice as much as he's willing to, and an unhinged laugh.

but he has no idea how he comes off to people. because most of the time, he's friendly! and a lot of people see him as friendly or dont suspect anything. the only ones with any idea are taneesha-- who frankly doesnt care because she knows he'll go along with what she asks and also might not be able to experience emotions other than "hubris"-- and legundo, who is absolutely terrified of him. and viking doesnt really get why.

sure, he leverages it sometimes, but it doesnt really work when he tries. fix handwaved his attempts at cornering him, and joy and taneesha were pretty unimpressed with his stalking and death whistling and murderous threats. but the rest of the time he's just teasing, isn't he? putting the fear of god into legundo is on the same level to him as him making funny kazoo noises at people. viking doesnt think hes anything to be afraid of. he knows he has the potential to be, but he doesnt realize that its more than just potential.

theres a lot of fanon drift that weighs dviking towards being Always Spooky or Always Harmless, and that's missing the point: what makes viking scary is that he doesnt know hes scary. he's capable of horrifying things with the book in hand, but he'll do them with a smile on his face because he's doing everyone a favor.

[thebadtimewolf]

Heyyy, I’ve always liked your meta tags, so I wanted to know. What do you think are the key/defining traits of Time Lord Victorious 10? I wanted to get your stance on him.

aw hi! thank you! sorry if this is long or doesn't make sense or muddy but I was mid-dozing off :(

the big trait overarching of Time Lord Victorious 10 is the fact that it's all about not accepting the fact he has to let go of Donna Noble post journey's end and that is intertangled with evading/killing Death itself.

he does spiral when he does get it (see the novels during the time lord victorious event) and will lose the initial reason why he is time lord victorious (comics novels audios and that little photoshoot he did behind the scenes wearing the robes and collar also played a part in it) but the main hang up of that is he isn't saying he needs someone to stop him. he is outright saying he wants someone he himself placed as a full equal to stop him.

we as the audience know that he considers his companions - on varying ways - equals to him, even as opposites, but in the show, the only one he considers an actual equal even to level being THEIR HOME is donna.

and watching what we see AFTER him showcases that the reason he has donna as a literal equal to him in a narrative way is that before the naming of his title, even as a child: he and donna were assumed to not amount to much. to rebel much to the irritation of those that had plans for them, plans they didn't want.

and with 10, he is the literal cautionary tale of going to the extremes. he was born IN LOVE for 🌹 (in love ≠ out of love, if it was the latter, he would not flirt with anyone anybody anything else and he wouldn't be flustered as much as we see him act when he's flirted back. this is doctor who, not american soap operas. he is alien! he was the most human but he never was human to begin with. he can put on the mask but he can never be the mask itself)

but after regenerating the second time, he wasn't born IN LOVE with her anymore. All that IN LOVE went to 🖐🏾 - which means at this point, this 10 was binded to Donna. Every time we see 10 post JE, it is nothing but Donna references - which makes the most sense that he ends up doing something that Donna would've talked him out of had she been there. Save them. Which does push him over the edge because he doesn't do what Donna would ask him to do in memory but, rather he could so he can go and "save" Donna. He can save them = surely he can save Donna.

But, this is him spiraling into rationalisation for an action unrelated to the end goal, another trait of time lord victorious 10

he spirals a lot but he spirals while trying to act like it's a normal non-spiraling choice to make. he spirals when 🌹 is on the off-fence upon seeing him for the first time to the point it terrifies her in Born Again when she's briefly warms up to him at the moment the tardis starts its crash landing (not the first tardis crash landing like this but it is a hint that sutekh was always there with them even back then) [and again throughout the season but they start edging towards spiraling into suicidal results even before 🌹, he spirals again when it comes to martha - even the sentient sun possessing him doesnt stop this. he spiral like spinning top until it kills him if he can help it

however with TLV, he doesn't spiral into suicidal choices for himself. no he has someone to live for, someone in his eyes as an equal to him, someone that he himself has put in place as someone that can understand himself fully. not just the grief of gallifrey but anything in depth about life that he can talk about childhood things from gallifrey with AND they are human! Donna! No, he can just convince OTHERS to do the final task for him. Even if they are unaware of it because of the "set dressing" he uses to make that the only option. even when the other person realizes too late what he had done and just how FAR he's willing to go with a front row seat to it. Even if we all know that Donna wouldn't want this. he is rationalizing anything to have donna specifically back because then it will excuse everything he's done (it doesn't and it never truly did).

he really loathes Death itself but he doesn't mind dropping some bodies, even if it disgusts or horrified previous faces/later faces, if it means getting what he wants. (again will not make sense because it's unrelated to what he wants but he will rationalise and spiral for it to make it part of this end goal)

eight is the outlier and should not be counted, they vibe, it was essentially a date with TLV, eight got a blue engagement ring by TLV that was really a bomb to blow up their enemies, eight said he love TLV, they held and ran and flirted with the (SAME BECAUSE THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON) interests. he don't count do not look behind the curtain. yes this needs to be first. okay. if you know how the dr flirts with ppl that share the same interest as him, you know.

the man loves exploding but you give him a gun, he's capping ppl. By shooting the gas engine and crashing the vessel. rip to anyone else that don't survive it, u better fingers cross that shit. he is also quick to brush past legitimate concerns or distress - something 11 got scolded looks for due to bad timing, 12 needed index cards for and 13 who was at least blunt enough to tell you to repeat that to give a proper response/reaction to said distress/worry. TLV understands but doesn't care for it at this point. A slight s3 crumb of regression to how he handled Martha's coworker crying while he and martha went to the balcony.

he was willing to essentially doom the universe, imply to even rule over it before getting back to donna and removing the metacrisis (this is set before she's pregnant at the moment) himself. a lot of his plans after all this is implied in tone that he would do it by force, regardless of protestations but we never see him act in this regard. something we see that it seems tecteun was inspired from since she used her network to keep tabs on them all this time.

ego is part of rationalizing it but instead of boasting, he swans about on how to make it better. And expects thank you even though that's not what they ordered.

it's not about 🌹 at this point in time, to him, she's not 'the most important woman' to him now. Any romance with anyone is not part of it. He can still play it up but, whoever he is with need to find an exit strategy. Not later not after a date. There's no sweet talking or seduction to rationalize him out of doing this if by anyone else that isn't himself or donna. He at this point is full aware of what faces he had and many of his future faces tend to avoid him because of his s3 self in his moping bouts keep picking up the damn phone instead of him. this is italicized because it has to be understood. he is fully about himself, if 🌹 is in his way, then 🌹is part of the problem he can "fix" so that interaction never happens. Just because he can. Just to be the winner. Haunting.

everyone that can be visited, can be changed or ignored unless there's a use. otherwise, there's no need to make top priority because it's dealt with. unless being reintroduced to guilt towards the self. there is no we can't only do

something I don't think he realized upon rereading is that nine stops him because 🌹is in the line of fire but how TLV reacts isn't the excitable reaction we expects but rather blasé because he knows this isn't a fixed event. she's here, so what? what does that got anything to do with what I'm doing now? And I think for him after all the other traits are exhausted, its almost as if he treats as just something to pass the time. as long as he gets donna in some capacity back.

overall: TLV traits seems all over the place and that's the set dressing to hide the tunnel vision which is another trait. because its part of the extremes.

he never really had a good plan. kill death. we saw dr. owen harper kill death I guess but he was also the host of death itself.* then 10 casted the beast out, which was death which was sutekh in impossible planet/Satan's pit but we both know that was ineffective. then the master, who was death's champion, I mean TLV never got to interact with him until AFTER he dropped the title. but the tunnel vision, the end goal was still there: Donna. Home.

Sorry if this is all scrambled up but basic essentials is top priority donna noble, main goal: die death die, all her doubts are my doubts and all my doubts are her doubts we are the same delululululu.

[Note: 15 does say in script on screen that the reason sutekh is more prominent here is in reference to the korruth (that 10 kills ie death itself) which makes it all the more heavier that this is all 10s fault post waters of mars. they never go back to change this so rtd actually catching up in script by having 15 say this means that at least 15 is aware this was his own fault. its while they walking sutekh like a dog he is. 15 however was not informed of dr. owen harper's death/resurrection]

My stance with him is that he's kooky but is just being what the master THINKS they want the Doctor to be but not what they WANT.

[prime-wars]

howabout -- drift :^3

for those of u who dont know my nickname in our tf server is stage iv drift liker so im afraid uve just turned the key on pandora's box

favorite thing about them: drift is the kind of person who is constantly kicked down and beaten up by life and just refuses to stop living. and im not just talking about his early life in the dead end im talking about how drift joined the decepticons to help make cybertron a better place for people like him only to eventually realize that the decepticons had entirely abandoned that cause halfway through the war and he'd just missed the memo. and instead of giving up and defecting he stays with the decepticons and throws himself fully into the war to try and end it so that they Can start building that better cybertron that he was promised. and then that doesnt work and he ends up abandoned on theophany and he meets wing and ends up forging a better life for himself and learning to heal from all the shit thats happened to him. and then the decepticons show up and the one person he'd grown close to since megatron ends up dying because of them - because of him, because they'd shown up because of him. and instead of giving into the complete and utter despair of that reality, he goes on thru sheer force of will. he joins the autobots and becomes close to rodimus and they make this plan to just say fuck it to cybertron and go out to live their lives without having to deal with the likes of prowl breathing down their necks. and then he watches rodimus trip and fall into prowl's manipulations anyways, and still sticks with him, and works night and day to keep the crew from finding out, to the point that when the overlord thing inevitably blows up in their faces he takes the fall. and so again he finds himself losing the person he's closest to - both of them, since he's now being torn away from ratchet after finally getting to be around him after 4-something-million years. (oh, and also while he was going around on the lost light he ends up finding out that the rest of new crystal city ended up being destroyed and all its inhabitants have disappeared. just one more piece of his life that he's lost.) and still he forces himself to go on. he makes a living out of bounty hunting, even if it isnt much of one, and finds some kind of purpose to fulfill in saving the lives of those who cant save themselves. and then ratchet comes to get him and he agrees to go back to the lost light with him, and they survive through all the shit the universe tries to throw at them, and make it back to cybertron and makes a home together, and they get to live together and be happy for some indeterminate amount of time, and for once nothing is going wrong and he gets to live the life he set out to create all those years ago.

and then ratchet dies.

least favorite thing about them: idk !!! i really like him a lot. even the parts of him that would annoy me in any other character just endear him to me more.

favorite line: all his lines during the sparkeater arc in mtmte + ALL of his lines in eos are very special to me. i probably couldn't pick a favorite. but i will use this space to remind everyone that "be shoosh" is a real actual thing drift has said in canon.

brOTP: obviously we got the drift + rodimus friendship but i also really like the scraps we get to see of drift's friendship with pipes. if overlord never happened i like to imagine that pipes wouldve slowly integrated drift into the minibot friend group and they wouldve gotten along well together :]

OTP: dratchetrod all the way babey !!!!!!!!!! my all time fav

nOTP: hummmm..... i do enjoy wrift but not in the way most people like to portray them so i guess that counts. wrift while drift is still at crystal city and at an incredibly vulnerable point in his life is just kind of ehhh and feels a bit predatory on wing's end to me. but i love wing-lives-au wrift where they meet up after drift has figured his own shit out and is much more firmly on the route to recovery.

random headcanon: i think drift would listen to machine girl unironically. i think he would absolutely love love love machine girl he would go batshit to machine girl. also i think he would really love to garden, both organic plants and crystals. the act of nurturing new life and watching it grow and flourish because of him would help him a lot to work thru the hangups his time as deadlock wouldve given him.

unpopular opinion: oh god so many. a) the sex worker drift shit is weird and fetishistic as fuck, b) the way people talk about drift's past as an addict in a lot of fanwork is INSANE and really shows how many people view addicts as less-than human, c) direct quote from @sparkxii : "Test for transformers fans describe Drift and if you do an overly detailed description of his legs a car comes down from the ceiling and falls on you a la saw trap style"

song i associate with them: drift is one of the three characters i actually have a character playlist for so i have a bunch, but if i had to choose just one... Jig of Life by Kate Bush <3

favorite picture of them: i have so so so so so many but this one panel of him is really cute 2 me. the little "and they dont change into anything" is SO funny

[tigerdrop]

in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so  hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog.  he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

[abused-sides]

Ooh, I was looking at the prompt list, and thinking about a bunch of different ones, but it gave me an idea. Going back to the Roomates AU, what if Roman and Virgil got into a really bad fight, and Virgil was in the wrong, and he thinks everyone is super super mad at him, so he thinks he has to leave, and he talks to his ex about going back, because he thinks he deserves to be in a bad situation, but Roman finds out and he explains that being wrong sometimes doesnt make Virgil a bad person?

A/N: For context, this takes place before Virgil and Roman get together romantically, but while they’re getting closer. Also before Logan comes out as nonbinary, so he still uses he/him. 

A/N: Also, super sorry, but this prompt is changed up a tiny bit. The fight is concentrated with Virgil and Patton (although Roman was definitely involved, prequel later), and it’s actually… someone else who gives Virgil the Talk. 

Trigger warnings: ABUSE SURVIVOR AU, self-destructive/self-harm behavior (not violent), manipulation & gaslighting from an unsympathetic oc, fighting between the sides (resolved), past lashing out, minor panic attacks

Virgil had been locked up in his room for days. 

His roommates argued over what to do. Logan insisted he just needed some space to decompress and think the situation over, but Roman and Patton couldn’t stop worrying. 

“What if he hurts himself?” Patton asked. 

“What if he thinks we hate him?” Roman asked. 

“He’s going to come out when he’s ready.” Logan sighed and took their dirty plates away to the sink. “There’s nothing we can do right now. We can’t talk to him if he won’t even open the door.” 

Patton pulled his coffee mug closer and worried his lip between his teeth. “I guess so,” he mumbled. 

In his room, Virgil stared at the pile of letters Patton had hid from him for three months. They were all opened, but not by Virgil. Virgil hadn’t touched them since he dumped them on his desk a few days ago. 

How did he find me? 

He drew in a shaky breath and grabbed the first envelope. 

My dear Virgil, 

I’m at a loss for words. What could I have done that was so bad for you to leave, without even telling me? Didn’t I at least deserve that? 

Guilt churned in Virgil’s stomach. He had to leave without telling him, his ex wouldn’t let him go otherwise. Right? He wouldn’t have let Virgil go. 

My home— our home, will always be here, waiting for you. You can always come home. I won’t be mad. I promise. 

I won’t lie, I’m very sad. It’s been hard to go on. The house is quiet without you. And the fact that you’d leave it for where you are now? I can’t even pretend to understand. 

If this is what you really want, then you should do it. 

But don’t I at least deserve a goodbye? 

It was signed with his name. 

Virgil had already read this one, several months back when it first came in. It didn’t have the same impact it did before, not with everyone else’s words swimming in his head, proving his ex wrong. It still hurt. 

He picked up another letter. 

My dear Virgil, 

Do I not deserve a response? 

I hate to make you uncomfortable. It’s why I don’t show up at your door, like I could, and demand your attention. 

I’m always thinking about you. Are you thinking about me? Do you want to come home? 

You can come home. 

Another. 

My dear Virgil, 

Something is telling me you aren’t getting these letters. Even if I wasn’t granted a response, I’d at least see a reaction. 

Virgil’s stomach dropped. A reaction? 

Are your roommates protecting you? Isn’t that a little unfair, a little rude? To meddle with our relationship? We can solve this on our own. 

Don’t you want to come home? 

He flipped the envelope over. There was no stamp, only a return address. These were hand-delivered. Virgil might have thrown up. 

He thought back to his life before. The one thing that always got him was how dreadfully boring it was, the same thing over and over again, no end, never leaving. He had his plants and his sketchbook and his cooking, but that was all. 

But is boring really the biggest complaint he has? 

A lot of people go through worse. Roman— Roman went through worse. Roman had a reason to leave. Virgil was starting to think he didn’t. 

Another letter. 

My dear Virgil, 

I just wanted to remind you that I still love you. I won’t be angry if you decide to come home. I just want to take you back and lie you down in bed, wrap myself around you like I used to. If you come home, we can lay in bed and watch T.V. all day. We’ll order in. I’ll buy you a whole garden, if you want it. 

I’m willing to change. 

Don’t you want to come home? 

Virgil hated how it affected him. He fought back a smile, pressing the letter to his forehead and simultaneously trying to remember and forget. 

There weren’t many days like his ex described. They were rare, in fact. Did that just make them more special? Not many days where they cuddled under the blankets, the heater going as the snow fell outside. Not many days where Virgil didn’t have to cook, where they ordered from his favourite restaurant and ate in bed. Not many days his ex wrapped his arms around Virgil’s middle and pulled him close and murmured that he loved him. 

With Roman, that could be any day. Multiple times a week, sometimes. Did that make it less special? 

He didn’t want to leave Roman. But did he deserve Roman? 

E., 

Do you really want me back? 

His hands trembled as he wrote. Once he started, he found he had a lot to say. Some of it felt demanding, but if he was going to go back, there had to be some change, or he’d lose his mind. He didn’t ask for much. Barely anything, in fact. Some more days to eat in here, some days outside there. His own bank account. Maybe a day where he could borrow the car. 

It could be better, right? No more than he deserved, but better. 

He wondered if being with E. for so long, only really interacting with him, is what rubbed off on Virgil, or if he was like this from the start. Did it come from his parents? Did it come from him? Was it just him? 

Virgil hid the letter and came out of his room. 

“Virgil?” Roman jumped to his feet, but stayed at the kitchen table. His eyes were wide with worry. “Virgil, are you okay?” 

“I’m okay,” he promised softly. “Where are the others?” 

“Logan’s with Remus and Janus. Patton’s dropping off some orders.” He hesitated, drumming his fingers over the table. “Do you…?” He opened his arms. 

Virgil pursed his lips. He wanted desperately to fall into his boyfriend’s arms, but his stomach churned with guilt. He crossed the room to nuzzle into him, trying to ignore how bad he felt by rationalizing he would be gone soon. 

Something crinkled. He froze. Roman’s arms were around his waist, squeezing against the letter tucked in his waistband around his back. He waited. 

“We need to talk about what happened,” Roman said, and Virgil slowly relaxed. 

He pulled away. “Okay.” 

Roman cupped Virgil’s face. “We’ll wait until Patton gets back, okay?” 

Virgil nodded. 

Roman and Virgil sat in the living room together, watching movies while they waited for Patton. Roman sat on the couch with Virgil at his feet, working in his sketchbook. Roman eventually leaned forward to rub Virgil’s back. Virgil pressed his forehead to his knees, eyes fluttering shut. 

When Patton got home, his eyes widened. “Verge, hey!” He set his keys on the table and inched into the living room. “Are you feeling okay?” 

Virgil hesitated, and shrugged. “We need to talk, right?” 

Patton settled in the armchair nearby. “I think it would help.” 

They all hesitated, then Patton said, “I’ll start. I’m… I’m really sorry I hid the letters. I was really scared.” 

Virgil frowned. “Why?” 

“Well…” He avoided his eyes. “I didn’t want to upset you.”

Virgil’s chest squeezed. “Right. I- I’m sorry about that.” 

“And I didn’t want you to be, I don’t know… tempted?” Patton forced a smile and wiped his eyes. “But you’re stronger than that, I know.” 

Virgil frowned. His brain faltered a little, and he opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words. 

They must have mistaken his struggling for silence, because Roman said, “We understand why that happened,” he squeezed Virgil’s shoulders, “but we need to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

“It won’t,” Virgil promised instantly. “It won’t, I promise.” 

Patton and Roman looked at each other nervously. 

“That’s good, kiddo, but how do we know?”

“Trust me.” Virgil blinked back tears, his voice thick. “It won’t. I won’t let it.” 

“That’s not really how it works, stormcloud. You didn’t choose to lash out, so you can’t really choose not to. It happened because of something else.” 

Virgil stood on shaky legs. “Please trust me. I… I’m working on it. I’m working on something.” 

Patton and Roman stood as well. “Can we help?” Patton asked. “You don’t have to do this alone, Verge. It’s why we’re here.” 

Virgil shook his head. “No, I don’t need help. I— I need a walk. I’m sorry, I need… I just need some space.” 

“Okay,” Roman said softly. “Thanks for talking to us.” 

Virgil quickly kissed Roman’s cheek, then grabbed his coat and hurried out the door. 

Part of him was terrified of walking alone— What if E. came by and snatched him without warning? All his stuff was at home and his friends would never know what happened to him. 

But it was good to get some space to breathe. He walked to the post office and slipped his letter in the box, then took the long way home. 

A few days later, he got a response. 

He made a habit to check the mail himself, three times a day. Everyone assumed he had a bit of trust issues now, which wasn’t entirely wrong. 

My dear Virgil, 

It took you a while to get back to me. 

Virgil frowned, shifting uncomfortably. 

I was afraid you’d given up on me. Of course you’re still allowed back home. When can I pick you up? 

Virgil breathed shakily. 

They wrote back and forth over the next two weeks, negotiating pick up, travel, times— Virgil didn’t realize he was stalling. He kept wondering if it would be better to tell his friends or keep it to himself. He didn’t want to worry them. He didn’t want them to feel guilty, and obligated to stop him. He just wanted to quietly go and not bother them anymore. Not infect them anymore. 

That is what he wanted, right? 

One day, he came out to get the mail and frowned. The box was empty. At this point, he’d been getting a letter from E. every day. They weren’t exactly slowing down with their communication— they’d just agreed Virgil would meet him in a few days. E. was excited. 

A door creaked open. “Virgil?” 

Janus leaned in the doorway of his and Remus’ apartment, a letter between two fingers. “We need to talk.” 

Virgil paled. He felt like he was going to pass out. 

“Come on. Remus is at work, let’s talk.” 

Virgil hesitated, then reluctantly followed him into the apartment. Janus shut the door and handed Virgil the letter. 

My dearest Virgil, 

I’m so excited to see you again. I promise, you’ll be happy. I’ve already made some changes to the house that I think you’ll really like. And we can keep talking about the car thing, too, if you really must. 

Virgil smiled a little. 

He gasped as Janus snatched the letter back. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He hissed. 

Virgil shrunk in on himself. “I… I have to go back, you don’t understand.” 

“What, because you blew up, once? Because someone invaded your privacy? Something you just got back after three years of nothing?” Janus crossed his arms over his chest. “You have to go back? Have to?” 

He scrubbed at his eyes, collapsing into the desk chair. “Yes. I— I fucked up. I’m just going to keep hurting them—” 

“People hurt each other,” Janus snapped. “That’s what they do. You didn’t do it on purpose, did you?” 

“I didn’t even realize what I was doing,” Virgil whispered. “I just… got mad. And I couldn’t stop yelling, and…” Tears dripped down his face. “I couldn’t control it. I can’t— I can’t be like that, I can’t put them through that again.” 

Janus crouched down and forced Virgil to meet his eyes. “You are not a bad person,” he stressed. “You just got out, what, a year ago? Less? It’s not like you’ve got a weekly therapy appointment. You’re figuring this out on your own, it’s going to be hard.” 

“Stop making excuses for me,” Virgil begged. “I can’t explode on people like that!” 

“You can’t make a habit of exploding on people.” Janus sighed, elbows on his knees. “You made a mistake. Nobody wants to banish you for it. Sometimes people hurt each other. Fuck, Roman and Remus hurt each other twice a week— that’s a toxic relationship. But they’re working on it. That’s all you have to do. This?” He held up the crumpled letter, and spat, “This will not help anything.” 

“I deserve—” 

“Nobody deserves that.” Janus narrowed his eyes. “Nobody.” 

Virgil buried his face in his hands as he shook with sobs. Janus stood and rested a hand on his shoulder. He stayed silent while Virgil cried it out, eventually finding Janus’ hand and gripping onto it for stability. 

“What do I do?” 

“First things first, you need to tell your roommates about this.” 

“What?” Virgil’s head snapped up. “No! I—” 

“You’re clearly in a destructive head space, and I can’t stop you from self-sabotaging yourself every time.” Janus raised an eyebrow. “This was almost bad. They need to know.” 

Virgil sniffled. “I don’t— I can’t.” 

“I’ll go with you. Alright? You need to tell them, and I’ll help you.” He held out his other hand. When Virgil took it, Janus helped him up. “Come on. Let’s go tell them.” 

Virgil wanted to throw up. He wet his lips, and nodded. “Okay. Okay. I can do it.” 

He followed Janus out. 

help me afford the jams with commissions, full fics or $3 for a triple drabble 

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[turtle-steverogers]

I Watched TWS for the Millionth Time So Let’s Over-Analyze This Shit

-TFA theme at the beginning 🥰 (that theme is so fuckin good)

-Sam’s lil jogging route around the Tidal Basin/Mall

-Steve being sassy , just as a general

-Steve’s sadness errands

-Sam relating to Steve on the soldier front and making him feel seen

-Just. Sam Wilson

-The way that Steve’s to-do list in the movie varies from country to country (For instance, the UK list has Sherlock instead of I Love Lucy and The Beatles)

-Also I wanna know Steve’s thai order

-The fact that this whole exchange is happening at 6:39 am

-Natasha drives with all the recklessness of a 16 year old that just got their license

-Stealth Suit Stealth Suit

-Steve deflecting Nat’s date suggestions

-Steve’s aversion for parachutes...reckless endangerment ✨

-Steve speaking/understanding at least a little french

-Tony having designed the Helicarriers to have arc reactor power instead of turbines because “he got a close up look at the turbines” in The Avengers 2012 when he got caught in them

-“This isnt freedom, this is fear” aka the embodiment of Steve’s character

-Steve’s exhibit being in the Air and Space museum even tho he flew a plane once and crashed it

-Bucky’s display having two different birth years (1916 and 1917. the correct one is 1917)

-In the little video of Steve and Bucky, Sebastian Stan was saying “We *are* friends” after the director told them to “act like friends” for that shot

-Steve acknowledging Peggy’s family and therefore acknowledging that their relationship with each other, while still close and special, is not romantic anymore and Peggy telling Steve to move on and start over wtf endgame

-The parallel of Peggy losing her memory as Bucky regains his

-Sam Wilson willing to show vulnerability and not being ashamed of his PTSD and treating Steve like any other attendee and hoping Steve will open up too if he sees that it’s okay to

-Steve’s face after “it was like I was up there just to watch” cuz he gets it and both sam and him had to watch their other half fall

-“What makes you happy?” “I don’t know”

-The Winter Soldier theme is just Bucky’s scream pitched different and made to sound mechanical because Henry Jackman wanted it to sound like a man trapped in a machine

-Why is Steve a lucky bastard that has his own laundry machine

-Steve leaving his apartment building after Sharon points out the music and then SCALING THE SIDE OF HIS OWN BUILDING AND CLIMBING IN THROUGH HIS WINDOW LIKE CAN YOU IMAGINE SEEING CAPTAIN AMERICA JUST CLIMBING INTO HIS APARTMENT THROUGH HIS WINDOW ONE NIGHT

-STEVE’s APARTMENT I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS (i might make a separate post on that)

-The fact that “A Long, Long Time” is playing when he sees Bucky for the first time in the future and the song is about lovers reuniting after the war i’m not saying it’s gay but i am

-He calls Fury “Nick” which really indicates theyre not close in the slightest

-Steve is excellent in adapting under pressure (him immediately catching on and using Fury’s code story: “who else knows about your wife?”)

-Steve is Awful at lying but hes also Excellent at lying

-How tf did Steve get the flash drive in the vending machine without the vending machine dude noticing i-

-“Captain Rogers” “Neighbor >:(“ petty little shit

-Steve’s observation skills are A+++++ as we can see in the elevator scene

-More reckless endangerment like imagine just going through your work day and captain america falls through the ceiling

-Steve stole someones gym clothes after escaping SHIELD. let that sink in

-Natasha has about a billion masks on at all times (“I only act like i know everything, rogers” “the person that programmed this was slightly smarter than me. slightly” “the truth isn’t all things to all people all of the time”) also she’s quite insecure, especially when it comes to being perceived as a good, trustable person

-Meanwhile, Steve’s consistently himself even if it costs him

-Bucky trained Natasha in the Red Room (at least in the comics) so theres a good chance she made the connection between him and Steve and withheld that information

-The honeymoon in New Jersey😭😭

-Steve and Nat both have very different, but entirely valid approaches to situations: Steve’s is that of a tactiction, Nat’s is that of a spy’s. We see this in the scene at Pentagon City Mall

-Steve’s looking for someone with shared life experience and bucky has that

-Bucky killed JFK

-When Zola tells him that his death and life both amount to that of a zero sum, he punches the screen with his bare fist, not his shield, indicating just how much that upset him

-Pierce offers Bucky milk cuz he knows “the asset” can’t refuse or accept offers. He’s taunting him

-Sam drinks orange juice straight from the bottle and also doesnt refrigerate his mustard. There’s also a baseball trophy in his apartment so,,,,, baseball player sam anyone?

-Sam is also a gem who immediately helps out Steve and Nat with no judgement in his tone so they don’t feel ashamed

-Nat straightened her hair somewhere in Sam’s house

-“Cuz thats really not your style, Rogers” “you’re right, it’s not” *rubs sitwell’s arm* “it’s hers”

-Steve and Nat banter Steve and Nat banter

-Sam is just *clenches fist* so cool

-Nat immediately knows where Bucky’s gonna shoot when he lands on the Sam’s car and later she knows how to affectively fight him best because he trained her so she knows his fighting style

-Steve alone saying “Bucky?” was enough to break Bucky’s conditioning the slightest bit

-Sam met Steve like 36 hours ago and he’s already being arrested and made into a government fugitive with him and it won’t be the last time

-Steve is the only one entirely restrained

-“Even when I had nothing I had Bucky”

-Everyone meets Sam and is just like “aight let’s trust him with the highest clearance security information”

-Steve looks super nauseous all through the scene where Rumlow is handcuffing him and later when he says, “he looked right at me, like he didn’t even know me” he sounds sick and choked up

-Steve carries a lot of weight on his shoulders

-Steve’s “Bucky?” after the highway battle and Steve’s “Bucky?” in Bucky’s memory in the Vault Scene being different (in Bucky’s memory, he looks more heartbroken)

-Sebastian’s acting. Just all of it. And the way Bucky just opens his mouth for the mouth guard before he gets wiped....heartbreaking

-Steve realizes an organization that was meant to protect the people has become its own antithesis so hes like “aight. get rid of it” damn that’s the right mindset right there

-In the memory scene after Sarah’s funeral, Steve is so out of it and distressed, that he can’t find his key but Bucky immediately knows exactly where it is and what he’s lookin for

-Bucky was vain as shit and also had money: tailored suit, hair w shit ton of brylcreem in it

-The big breakfast Steve had was at Sam’s house

-The whole scene on the helicarrier between Steve and Bucky is incredible here are some highlights: Steve never backing down from a fight until it’s Bucky he’s fighting, Steve dropping the shield for him, Steve being ready to die if living means he’s living in a world where Bucky’s alive and doesnt remember him

-Their acting in that scene is so genuine and heartbreaking i can’t- i can’t-

-Steve’s got a comm i’m so chances are Nat, Sam and Maria can hear a portion of what’s going down on the helicarriers

-“I’m with ya to the end of the line” is basically “til death do us part” so the equivalent of wedding vows between Bucky and Steve is what ultimately broke Bucky’s conditioning

-When bucky fell, steve didn’t jump after him but when Steve fell, bucky went after him even tho he’s brainwashed. don’t think about steve’s guilt surrounding that. youll only get sad

-Bucky waited until Steve took a breath to leave him

-Sam waited by Steve’s side in the hospital

-In the end credit scene, Bucky and Steve originally were supposed to make eye contact, but the writers didn’t want it established that Bucky remembered Steve until CW

----

Every time I watch it from here on out, I’m gonna add a lil more as I notice hehehe

[faerielleart]

GIRL GGFJFJVGDJD OK UMMM let me see... what do you like about levihan? or do you have any unpopular opinions? or headcanons!

oh boi i hope i won’t rant too much, i don’t want this answer to be a thousand miles long i don’t want to seem boring-

OKAY let’s start

What i like about levihan: i have to start with a lil background a say that levihan is my longest ship i’ve ever had, it’s the only one who survived time and the only ship i have never stopped shipping/lost interest into, which is kinda rare for me since i switch interests a lot and go through hyper-fixations, so i tend to lose interest quickly in something once i’ve found something else to pay attention to

this, however has never happened with levihan: started shipping them when i was 12, still trash 7 years later skdjdjfjf i didnt start shipping them for special reasons tho, at the time aot was my first ever still on air anime and i was completel new to the community, plus i didnt really speak english well and the first episodes i watched confused me A LOT. However, amidst all that confusion and trying to remember names and plot points, episode 9 came, i got introduced to this character who apparently is named levi, the first information the scene gives the watcher is “this guy is a grump” based on his reaction to the crowd, the second information the scene gives to the watcher is “this person next to him, despite him being a grump, isn’t afraid to tease the shit out of him and we still don’t even know their name” which i found ??? Cool??? I immediately paid attention to this lil dynamic, then the next scene was the hairgrab scene and,,,,,, yeah my 12 year old braincells went into overdrive and i was completely sold

i just needed them to interact once and BOOM

but OBJECTIVELY i still find extremely telling, years later, how these were the first informations of these characters. In a narrative, character’s introduction is absolutely crucial to the story, you can understand millions of things just by the way a character is presented and says their first lines and honestly choosing to introduce levi and hanji together was imho very, very telling of what role they’d play in the story/what role they play in each other’s lives.

isn’t it strange that the very first infirmation we get of these two is that the grumpy one is okay with this person teasing him? that means there’s gotta be a level of familiarity among them, right? and the hairgrab? requested by isayama himself? in the official book of season one it also says that the scene was added to “show their relationship”??? i mean 2+2 is 4 where i’m from 👁👄👁✨

so yeah my dumb 12 year old brain had FORESIGHT apparently-

as i picked up the manga and read through the uprising (and got older and my english got better) i noticed more and more things about them and i just really freaking fell in love with their relationship okay it wasn’t “oh cool grumpy and sunshine who teases him”, more like “holy fuck grumpy has a sad backstory, seems unapproachable but is the kindest person ever, just wants to be a hero and save everyone, has the most tender heart, sunshine is a multi dimensional character who has fears and doubts and they work so well together despite being polar opposites but at the same time their oppositeness results in somehow them being completely in sync with each other and almost thinking with the same brain as if they were one person split in half”.

since they’re grown adults and they’re so close, their relationship has something that i always seek and almost never find in other ships, which is emotional maturity. You never see them purposely tearing each other down just to hurt the other, they work out their problems and C O M M U N I C A T E ✨ they don’t act childishly around each other, they tease and bicker but it’s completely different than full blown arguments where both parts disrespect the other just to prove their point. They are willing to listen to what the other has to say and their judgment is precious and welcomed, since the basis of their relationship is complete trust. levi is rough with words, but he means something else entirely despite what he conveys, as seen during the aftermath of eren’s first hardening experiments, and hanji totally understands what he wants to say, which is why they never reprimand him or take offense to what he says.

what i’m trying to say, i believe in a way that nothing is half-assed about how they were written in the story as a pair, despite how i disagree with certain narrative choices *ahem*; as much as i would have wanted them to have more screentime and more interactions, i believe it wouldn’t have been “in character”, lemme explain because i realize it sounds weird and my wording probably doesn’t help: their relationship is subtle and as such it should remain subtle and in the subtext, simply because it is none of our business as readers. Show, not tell, but show in a way that it is evident only if you pay attention. levi is blunt when he speaks, but at the same time his words have another meaning than what he conveys and his actions are subtle.

isn’t it obvious with how often it was remarked that the only person who is able to understand levi completely is hanji? and this is where chapter 132 comes into play with this amazing analysis post that i’m sure we all read a thousand times and screamed over it

all this “ambiguity”, all this subtlety, all this subtext, all this wordplay, words that have more than one meaning, i believe are all indicators of one thing: us readers are not able to understand comple what levi wants to say and his words result ambiguous to us and not 100% clear, simply because the readers are not hanji. but fortunately, i believe that hanji understood that levi too wants to “stay in the forest”. this is not the reaction of someone who is confused by a sentence, this is the face of someone who finally had a realization:

what kind of realization? it’s not up to us to know (tho we know *wink wink*), because we’re not hanji and we can’t understand what levi says.

plus, 心臓を捧げよ, “dedicate your heart”, can hold a million different meanings. 心臓 is heart, を is a particle that denotes the object, 捧げよ is the verb “to offer, dedicate, devote, sacrifice”, there are no adjectives that indicate possession as you can see; levi using his own left (not right) fist and placing it on hanji’s chest instead of just taking hanji’s hand and placing it on their chest is ambiguous too. i interpet it in different ways but the conclusion is one, and i can’t honestly see it in any other way. one of the interpretations i like the most is that levi is implying that they both share the same heart, which is why he used his own left hand, meaning that both of them are dedicating their hearts in that moment to humanity, because they are actively choosing to put their desires aside to live a peaceful life away from everything (as jean too has wished in chapter 127, as hanji has expressed in 126 but in 127 too and jean seems taken aback by their confession) since they’re soldiers and duty comes first.

so yeah if i have to choose something i love the most about levihan, it’s gotta be the subtlety and the ambiguity that at the end of the day, is absolutely not ambiguous at all. everything is expressed for a reason, if an author actively chooses ambiguity, in this specific case of a relationship, he intends the result not to be ambiguous. it sounds like a brain fart but i blame it on my inability to articulate my thoughts well, i hope what i want to say can be understood 😭 and in a way, this can be considered as an unpopular opinion i think?

meaning that i get that commonly someone might want an explicit declaration that leaves no room to doubt and I honestly wish for it too, but I don’t think it would be in character, and the ambiguity (if we can call it that, i’m calling it that just to avoid backlash and controversy jshfsjdjmd) in this case speaks enough volumes to me considering both of the characters we’re dealing with, the story as a whole, the interactions with other characters.

ALSO going back to their bond, i want to copypaste something i posted on twitter regarding chapter 126 and the blush: it doesn't make sense, character-wise, for Hanji to feel in any way embarassed around Levi. They have no filters whatsoever around each other. They are close, closer than anyone in the series, the author hasn't shown any embarassment between them. Back in Uprising, when Hanji was hesitant and wanted out, Levi was the one who encouraged them. So, this thing has in a way already happened, since back then they admitted to wanting to abandon responsibilities to Levi's face and didn't blush. So, in 126's context, it doesn't really make sense for Hanji to blush "only because they were embarassed at being caught wanting to run away". It happened once already and there was no blush. So yeah, the blush means something else. And that something else is definitely much, much, MUCH deeper than "embarassment". 🙌

since smartpass stories can absolutely be taken as part of the canon universe as they’re supervised and approved by isayama and published with the manga, i am adding the rain story as further proof of what kind of relationship they have. also levi being a 30 year old tsundere is adorable but movING ON

SO YEAH MY FINAL TWO CENTS ARE : i love everything about levihan and there isn’t a single thing i would change, because wanting aot to be a huge slice of life of them doing the most random things just to watch them interact doesnt count sjdjfjdjdjfjsmdm, my unpopular opinion is that i find the subtlety and the ambiguity KEY to doing justice to what they have because it’s none of us readers’ business because only they are able to understand each other and i fucking LOVE that, my headcanon is that they totally kissed once during the timeskip, maybe on the first anniversary of the battle of shiganshina, i see them not being able to sleep alone and finding comfort in each other and in a moment of weakness and vulnerability they kiss, but pretend it never happened because things are messy and they can’t afford to get involved because again, duty first, but the YEARNING™️ and the PINING™️ only intensifies after that, but they manage not to make things awkward and they are close as ever.

my GOD i rewrote the odyssey, sorry 😭

[lesbianechinocereus]

wip meta post

tagged by @svpphicwrites (ily)

im tagging @linariouswrites @radiomacbeth @howdy-writes

it's long so under a cut

setting info:

the backstory starts with a group of seven or so astronauts who find something powerful in deep space and make a deal with it. the entity itself isn’t characterized too heavily because i want the story to be about people

that’s a theme i guess, that the monster we should be afraid of isn’t some eldritch horror sleeping under the ocean but the kind of person who has too much power and doesn’t care who he steps on to get more of it

so there is a glamorous high class society out there somewhere but the protagonists never see it until the very end of the first arc, the story takes place on dingy spaceships and entire planets that have been cordoned off as landfills and mining areas

our protagonists have to reckon with that, since when they try to look after themselves they’re accidentally striking at the foundations of what’s allowing people who aren’t them to lead much better lives. you can have borderline magical technology but the materials to build it have to come from somewhere

there is a theme to how the fountain works and an underlying rule to the setting: when a person uses it, they become powerful but they have to lose a key part of themselves in the process. it tends to follow patterns with what you can give up and what comes out on the other end, but everything actually magical is a result of people reaching the capital planet where the fountain is and making these deals or being forced to on someone’s behalf

that’s another theme, people cheating the idea of sacrificing something to be more powerful by making other people pay and stealing the benefits for themselves. hahahaha real world parallels

the people who initially found the fountain are worshipped as gods and people don’t really have room to argue with that when one of them can mind control millions of people at once and another throws around planets with his mind. this comes up later though, since most of the people on the outskirts only pay lip service to the established religion. most of them haven’t seen someone affected by the fountain personally and don’t believe the stories

Characters:

every character is paired with the person trapped inside the robot they pilot. the robots got the dealmaking part of the fountain in their bargain, they can give some of their power to the person who pilots them in exchange for having to share a body with them for life

both people are always conscious, inhabiting the humans body unless the mech is being piloted. if one wants to do something the other one doesnt want to they have to out will them, which is easier for the human in the human body or the mech in the mech body

the pilots gain their mechs abilities, for example the knight can conjure weapons for itself and wolfsige himself later learns to do that, so even cornering the pilot outside their mech is difficult

the #theme is people whove been through A Lot learning to work together and trust each other, at first because they have to to survive and later because they care about one another

all of the robots were turned into robots as punishment for crimes and were sedated to give their original pilots full control, so the moment they stop being machines and let themselves feel things it hits hard and the humans are the ones to be there for them

the human characters are also going through a ton, most of them have never fought before the story starts and have little time to deal with the fallout because things keep falling on their heads

all of the characters though are dealing with not knowing what to do with themselves and if they want to accept having that chosen for themselves. when they do become a small fighting force its on their own terms, against the choice to cut and run and leave everyone behind

wolfsige just wants to run a junkyard in the middle of nowhere, but quickly becomes team leader just because he can’t leave someone else to suffer and charges into things

the knight was an attendant in the system where the fountain was, put in a machine for trying to use it for itself, out of a fear of dying. he got his wish but lost his life and struggles finding something new to live for

z is a self-proclaimed explorer and scavenger, she originally wanted to just keep her mech for study. however her and the mech form the best friendship of the three pairs and suddenly the world’s problems are her problems as her friend was plotting against the space govt

the witch was a bodyguard for a sector governor who became mechrd for failing an assassination attempt and as an insult was left to be piloted by the person she tried to kill. initially helps z and co out of gratitude they killed her pilot even though she doesn’t believe in any of what they say, but she learns to have hope again when she sees she can help

bonus: z is partly inspired by the story about a ww2 pilot who was believed to handle flying better thanks to his missing legs

liana is initially on board, as she’s a runaway from a wealthy sector because of things she saw go down and had hired z to take her away. she has a crisis of faith when she’s forced to fight her old friends but finds new resolve when she realizes she was never treated that well back home to begin with

the spider has in fact actually done nothing wrong and is the victim of a framing by a close friend, outright refusing to trust anyone and only working with the party out of necessity until they prove themselves reliable

misc+story:

the story follows these people being dragged way over their heads by circumstances not of their own doing

they find an abandoned mech by accident, not realizing that turning it on makes them a target

they’re forced to fend off several more, the other two the protags use are ‘rescued’ the only way they can be made to change hands: killing the current pilot

this just so happens to be the inciting factor for a series of revolts on a nearby series of mining planets, and so our protagonists are dragged into all out war

im only planning this up to the first ‘arc’, whether or not i end it there will depend on how i feel then

[nightfayre]

hi im the anon ! i dont remember what i said >

and I’m alarmed by the fandom mentality. Maybe HT means good - but how would we know? we don’t have access to his thoughts - but we must judge his actions, and his actions are for the least very troubling. It’s always abt coercing Mo and not respecting his boundaries. I see the trope “when she says no, she means yes” here and once again, the fact the fandom swallows it uncritically (bc HT is a poor, hot tortured boy) is alarming. Forcing Mo to wear his gift stinks of “this is my possession, don’t mess wt him” 2/5

Maybe im pessimistic n its actually to protect him by distance, but once again he totally disregards Mo’s will. What if he doesnt want to be protected ? what if he doesnt want to be an object to be pass around between self-entitled psychos ? The first step to protect and help someone is by listening to them. I hope Mo will react strongly and will tell HT that by saying this, he’s no different from She Li. And i hope that would provoke HT to self-reflect a lot - smth he lacks tremendously. 3/5

That being said i love HT and tianshan! And what i love is how realistic and flawed they are. Theyre both hyper violent, distrustful, and severly lacking in communication skills. Im thrilled to see how theyre going to evolve -for the better or the worse, both is good for me. But i’m very disappointed by the fandom reaction like “ooh how cute hes possessive it means love!” or “actually its not bad doing HT doing that bc his intentions are good”. 4/5

And I will be vry, vry disappointed if OX decides to follow this trend and to not show how this kind of actions is detrimental to their reliationship and use the tired and dangerous trope of “being violent means that you care”. I trust them to be more nuanced than that bc until now they are great at drawing grey relationship. So yea i hope next chapter, tianshan plunges (before being better). Anw sry for the rant, and plz continue the good work !! 5/5

phew. there’s a lot to unpack here – but I agree wholeheartedly with you. since this post is already kinda long, I will put my answer/explanation under the cut!

the parts that I bolded in your asks are what I intend to focus on in this answer. strap in, because this is going to be a long one. 

before anything, let me put a disclaimer: I love He Tian. I love Guan Shan. I love Old Xian. I love tianshan, and I love where they are headed in the manhua. does that mean I also love where tianshan are right now? no, it doesn’t. and I’m here to explain why I look forward to their potential rather than their current relationship’s dynamics.  

one of the hardest parts about being in a fandom is being able to separate fiction, reality, and morality. this is especially hard when a fandom is as old and endearing as 19 Days, and when you fall in love with & are rooting for all the characters. furthermore, 19 Days is not a tragedy. of course, when Jian Yi disappears, it will be tragic. but otherwise the majority of the manhua is a comical, romantic slice-of-life plot. as such, it’s easier for what would usually be seen as blaring issues/problems in tragedies to be disregarded for comedy or, in some cases, romance in a comedic, romantic slice-of-life. 

this is exactly the case with tianshan. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: He Tian’s current relationship with Guan Shan is not healthy. he doesn’t listen to Guan Shan. he doesn’t respect his personal space. he doesn’t know where to draw the line. he doesn’t know how to properly communicate with him, and thus resorts to violence or threats. tianshan just have a problem with communication. and, sure, maybe it can be chalked up to the fact that they’re young and stressed and don’t know any better. but that excuse is almost as bad as the “boys will be boys” excuse, and that doesn’t make it any better nor does it justify their actions. 

He Tian’s idea of relationships is so twisted, and as I talked about in a previous answer, it can probably be stemmed back to his trauma with the puppy Cheng took away from him. I won’t get too deep into that since I explained it in detail in that answer, but keep this in mind nonetheless: He Tian grew up in a family of violence, distance, miscommunication, and lies. it’s all he’s ever known, and that’s what he’s applying to his relationship with Guan Shan. does that make it right? no, absolutely not. but he’s learning. 

when Guan Shan had a panic attack at the restaurant, He Tian learned that people aren’t robots/pawns to use at his disposal and rather have their own strong emotions/backgrounds that shape them. thus, he brought Guan Shan home without a word. when he had his night terror and woke up to Guan Shan holding his hands, He Tian realized that there are parts of Guan Shan he still doesn’t know and, potentially, an aspect of their relationship that they’ve only started to uncover. thus, he thanked him without preamble and with a bowed head. 

what I’m trying to say is that He Tian does have good intentions at times, but not always. he’s learning as he goes, because god knows he didn’t have a family to teach him how healthy relationships should be. there probably is a part of He Tian that only wants to protect Guan Shan against She Li, but he certainly doesn’t show it in the right way. he acts possessive because he knows that if he doesn’t, he’ll lose what he loves (*insert flashback to the puppy*). again, does that make it right? hell no. jealousy and possessiveness are not cute and are entirely unhealthy in a relationship. the fandom should view them as such, but should also keep an open mind when considering He Tian’s background. 

and honestly, the reason why I’m focusing so much on He Tian right now rather than Guan Shan is because if it were up to Guan Shan, he would’ve dropped He Tian within the first few days (maybe even hours) of meeting him. but because of He Tian’s persistence, Guan Shan has no choice but to be involved with him and retaliate when He Tian verbally/physically/emotionally attacks him. nonetheless, Guan Shan has tried to walk away from He Tian on multiple occasions when He Tian’s teasing became too much, and on those occasions, He Tian has given in. (ex. I can’t find the exact chapter, but there is a chapter in which Guan Shan refuses to use He Tian’s fork to eat He Tian’s leftovers, and he gets up and says, “I’m going home,” to which He Tian replies, “Fine, fine, I’ll buy you new food.”)

so yes – tianshan certainly have flaws. He Tian holds too much power, and Guan Shan can’t catch a break. the fandom romanticizes their interactions, but if you take a moment to think realistically and recognize that character flaws are essentially bad but also critical for character development, then there is an even balance in the readers’ relationship with the manhua. don’t support He Tian’s violent interactions with Guan Shan and claim “omg He Tian loves Guan Shan sooooo much when he forces Guan Shan to do XYZ,” but rather support the fact that he hasn’t physically manhandled/harmed Guan Shan in many chapters. support and celebrate He Tian’s development, not his flaws. 

and as for what you said about Guan Shan telling He Tian that he’s “no better than She Li”? while I don’t think He Tian is truly as bad as She Li, I actually think that would be a painful, great, and pivotal moment in their relationship. after all, the most consequential scene in tianshan’s relationship thus far has been the kiss. at that moment, Guan Shan had told He Tian outright that he disgusted him and to leave him alone. since then, I don’t think He Tian has ever looked so… taken aback. unsettled. 

and guess what? their relationship has only gotten better since then, and He Tian hasn’t touched him like that again. 

I don’t know, anon. it’s a tough call. I think tianshan have a lot more chapters ahead of them, and I don’t think Old Xian will allow them to end on bad terms. actually, I don’t think Old Xian will allow them to end on the terms that they’re on right now. they can only improve from here on out, but how Old Xian will go about showing that improvement is unknown to us. there are many paths this story can take, but rather than worrying about what might happen, let’s focus on the here and now. let’s focus on the problems at hand, and let’s focus on the development the characters are undergoing. 

don’t ignore the wrongness/cruelty of characters’ actions, but don’t romanticize them either. if you do, you’re only doing a disservice to the character’s personality, existence, and the author’s intentions.

(and as for this newest chapter specifically: I see why people can get excited about He Tian telling Guan Shan to wear the earrings. He Tian wants to verify to both himself and She Li that Guan Shan is with him now. that Guan Shan is no longer under She Li’s control. who doesn’t love a little verification of their OTP’s relationship, especially when it involves an enemy?

but at the same time, it’s unhealthy. Guan Shan doesn’t have a say. he’s being handed around like an object. I don’t think this is pessimistic thinking; I think it’s the truth that no one wants to acknowledge/hear. but I’m not saying that tianshan is wrong in this chapter; I’m saying that He Tian has good intentions, but he’s not showing them correctly. and there will be a chapter in which he does show them correctly, but we must travel this rocky road before we get to that point. patience is key, and I cannot wait until He Tian and Guan Shan reach that moment of clarity. you can’t have light without the dark.)

[night-springs]

MARY idk if uve talked abt this before but what was violets relationship w/ julius like?? im super curious

KDSFHSDKF MICAH im so excited to talk abt this oh my god tysm….. also im so fucking sorry this took so long, i had way too much to say about it… ok so for context, violets canon playthrough order is vice kings > carnales > rollerz

…also, since its super obvious when reading this, i always wanted julius’ seemingly blatant distaste for johnny to have come into play in some form at like… any point in the series really. but since volition never went anywhere with it im taking it into my own lil gremlin hands

(background to this interpretation of julius)

in a word it was.. complicated. they were never close. when they met, julius was just looking for more recruits, the saints needed all the help they could get, but he thought he saw something in that skinny, terrified kid when him and troy saved her from being caught in the middle of a turf war. plus the kid owed him a life debt, and that aint a bad thing to have in his position. but, to violet… sure his speech about taking back the city to “save lives” was nice and all, but its not why she joined. she was homeless, starving, had nowhere to go and no options. she didnt even really have to think about the offer, becoming a saint just made sense. it was a step towards something, even if she didnt know exactly what it was, and so violet showed up in the churchyard the very next morning

from julius’ pov, violet took to fighting like a fish to water. capable, willing to do whatever it took, never talked back or questioned orders, and owed him their loyalty? to be honest she was basically the perfect little soldier. he thought this kid had a serious chance of being one of their key members… and he wasnt wrong. but in truth violet was terrified. when troy took her to buy a gun and had her kill someone for the first time with it, she managed to keep it together until she dropped him off and he was just out of sight. then she vomited all over the passengers seat of the car. the constant terror made it hard for her to sleep at night. a broken nose, bloody bandages over cuts from close calls with stray bullets, too many bruises to count and it didnt take long for her knuckles to become more scars than skin. for a while she was arguably more of a wreck than she was before she joined up

but at the same time, joining up improved things for violet. before this shed been sleeping in an alleyway, but now at night she could sleep in the church, and the other saints were friendly to her. then, when she got her first share of money? she went and bought herself a full meal and almost cried on the spot. soon, after pocketing as much cash as she could from dead rival gangsters wallets, she saved enough to get a loft right in saints row, and it was a shitty one, but she didnt fucking care. she loved that loft. from her point of view, julius was giving her the chance to save her own life. all she had to do in return was kill people for him. and she rationalized it to herself that way. if she had to kill other people to survive, then so be it

….and then violet began to realize how much of an adrenaline junkie she is, and holy fuck did she love to fight. if she had an opportunity to ditch the gun and just go in with a bat or even just her fists, she took it. the rush of risking her life became something she thought was fun. plus the respect she got as a saint? people were afraid of her, and she had anyone wearing purple on her side. the thrill, the power, the money, the loyalty… without her even really realizing it, running with gangs went from a means to an end to something that she enjoyed. but this change happens slowly, over the course of taking over stilwater. in truth, julius’ betrayal was what finally tipped her all the way

julius starts to hate her before they even finish off the vice kings. hed assigned her to helping out gat first, thinking even if dex was overseeing everything, their youngest lieutenant would need someone who could handle it if one of his crazy plans went south. but the trail of carnage and destruction violet and johnny left behind was the exact opposite of what julius wanted. he thought itd be over once the VKs were finished and he could assign violet to working with another (more stable) lieutenant, but after gat had taken that shotgun blast to the knee to help the kid escape and shed gone in alone to save him, the two were practically attached at the hip. the kid would follow gat around like a lost puppy, and the only person johnny spent more time with than violet was his girlfriend. then, once tanya was dead, he overhears a rumor that the supposedly mute kid could not only talk, but she would only speak to johnny or aisha. apparently gat had gone asking around if the kid had spoken to anyone else before him, and thats how everyone found out (gat was slightly offended when he found out violet spoke to aisha first, long before vi made that horrible hepatitis joke to him, and aisha had been keeping it a secret for her)

julius had never liked gat, he didnt care about ending the gang wars and was only there because he was bloodthirsty and lived for violence. and now he and the kid julius was becoming increasingly cautious of were feeding off of each others recklessness. not only were those two a volatile mix, but it seemed like julius was losing control of playa because of it… and that was bad news for him

johnnys sidelined, and banned from helping with any moves against the carnales and rollerz. julius told him it was because of his injury, which they both knew was a bullshit reason; hed been fucking up the vice kings just fine even with his messed up knee. gat did not take it well, and there was a shouting match that violet walked in on. vi was upset of course, her and gat were friends now and she liked running missions with him, but she wasnt going to argue. even if playa didnt understand julius’ decision, she didnt question him, but there was a lot of tension between johnny and julius after that, especially when it seemed like julius was actively trying to keep vi and johnny away from each other. anytime theyd hang out at the church, if julius saw them together you could feel the tension fill up the room, and more often than not hed just send violet out with some bullshit orders. the two quickly learned to hang out away from the church after that

by the time the carnales are history and theyre gunning for the rollerz, julius knows how badly he fucked up. thinking he could start a new gang, and control it? he was naive. theyd taken over almost all of stilwater, but at what cost? how much of the city had they destroyed along the way? and at the center of all that carnage was violet. the more of the city they take over because of her, the more disgusted she makes julius. he needed to stop the saints, stop her, but he has to do it carefully. if anyone realized it, or that he was trying to get playa killed, the gang would turn on him in an instant. the rest of the saints idolize playa, and they all know shes a big part of the reason for their success. if anything happened to julius, the gang would rally around violet, and he knows it

at first he was just sending her into risky situations because of the faith he had in her, but for a while now hed been sending her on straight up suicidal tasks on purpose, hoping someone would finally just take her out before she caused any more harm or became even more of a problem. but she just keeps coming back. doesnt matter if its just her against an entire stronghold of god knows how many seasoned gang members, shell walk out only a little worse for wear. julius starts to wonder just how terrifying this kid is, and all the while violet never even notices that julius is doing this, shes just doing what shes told. hes all praise whenever they speak, trying to keep her placated. troy notices the risks julius always seems to take with violet, but he just thinks julius is putting too much faith in the kid and driving her too hard. he starts trying to look after vi in his own ways to make up for it (thats how they become friends) but he never realizes julius’ true intentions until its far too late

vi and lin are flying solo now, with almost no help from the other lieutenants. julius makes it look like hes putting more faith in violet, no more kid gloves. of course vi and lin get in over their heads like that, and when lin gets killed and vi ends up in the hospital, julius wishes to god that she had just drowned in the river with lin

and then, soon after, its done. the vice kings, the carnales, the rollerz, theyre all a memory. the saints own the whole damn city, or whatevers left of it. and then julius gets arrested, and he finds out troy is a cop, and julius knows its all over…. but troy offers him a deal: get johnny and playa out, and he can walk. he gets the idea right there, to kill violet himself. theres no way shes going to stop, and julius knows it

violet knew driving over to the dock that she was walking into a trap, but if it was to get julius back, it didnt really matter. shed already murdered a major public figure and the chief of police trying to get him back, shooting her way out of another situation almost seemed pretty fuckin mild at that point. so it doesnt surprise her when hughes’ men surround her; no, what does surprise her is the sudden loud beeping, the confused look on hughes face, and something in her gut screaming at her to run. whether it was the wall of henchmen between her and the explosion, or the split second before the bomb went off that she used to rush forward and leap just over the railing that saved her life there, shes never sure. maybe it was both. either way, the burns scarring her back for the rest of her life show she didnt get off scot-free

five years later, and within 24 hours of waking up and breaking out of prison, shes already visited the police station and listened to the tapes. and once shes heard them, violet is seething. she did EVERYTHING for julius, became a murderer, risked her life, followed all his orders without question! and he took five years of her life away! tried to take all of it away! something in her just snaps, and she sets up the meeting with dex that same night

julius thought hed be meeting up with dex, but in truth he isnt surprised to see violet instead; hed been dreading the possibility of this day since he first learned that shed survived the explosion. but even so, even after what he did, it quickly becomes obvious that julius genuinely doesnt believe that violet will follow through with payback. and violet is livid, feels like somebody hollowed her insides out and theres nothing but anger under her skin anymore. despite everything he doesnt know her at all, still thinks shes this loyal little teenager who will do whatever shes told. a dog on a leash, because he never learned that she could be more than that, that she was more than that

and then, hearing him hold himself over her? violet knows who she is and whats she done, shes under no illusions about that. but hearing julius somehow think hes the good guy, that hes morally better than her after everything he did, everything he ordered her to do… it adds a whole new level of hatred. not to even mention how he tries to leverage saving her life over her again, after shed MORE than paid back that debt. thats the last straw, and she kills him. never regrets that choice for a single second for the rest of her life

after that, violets just… angry. shes like that for years. julius took everything good she ever had away from her, and every person she kills is another “fuck you” to his memory. gang member, cop, civilian, she doesnt care anymore. julius wanted to save the city from her? good. shell burn the whole fucking thing down just to spite him

she doesnt get over that for a long time

[realmzenith]

benke !!!!!!

u truly want me dead but ily so- BUT OK BENKE my meme child

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?.2 seconds i hate him. if he HAD to sit still and he was feeling slightly more chill than usual he could prbly go five minutes. tops. he’s just rlly antsy. he needs to be doing smth w his hands

How easy is it for your character to laugh?EH not super easily but defo more easily than a lot of my other ocs from one to ten one being laughs extremely easily he’s prbly a 4. the key is to find him memes esp political nihilistic memes or fall in front of him bc he’s terrible

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)he doesn’t sleep. e v e r. who do u think he is?? nah jk on a more serious note, he actually doesn’t sleep very easily so usually he just listens to music until he dozes off

How easy is it to earn their trust?gosh that’s. difficult to say. p hard actually?? surprisingly hard for how much of a meme he acts like and how relatively extroverted he is. from one to ten w one meaning it’s very easy to gain his trust i’d say 7

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?he doesn’t rlly attach himself to ppl easily so it’s p easy to get him to not trust u. like he’ll be chill w u but he wont trust u all that much it’s a weird dynamic w him. w one being v easy to get him to distrust and ten very hard, he’s a 5. p much in the middle not rlly too much to one side or another

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?rules are great until they impede him from getting what he’s aimin for :) on a more serious note, he doesn’t rlly give a damn abt most laws like he doesn’t want to go to jail but at the same time if he’s not going to get caught he’s going to do it bc hey wtf yolo

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?LOL NOSTALGia thats a joke he dislikes sappy things n nostalgia falls into that category but he will on v v rare occasions reminisce. certain musical pieces have that effect on him esp the classical ones as he’s grown up w music (being a practical prodigy on the piano and all). he guesses that sometimes it is kind of nice to remember. just once in a while tho. in a while being the key phrase here

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?I MEAN he’s sixteen he’s still technically a child but basically the most common thing he hears is stop slacking and work harder. being an asian kid getting As is? absolutely crucial he’ll be smacked upside the head by his parents if he doesn’t so they always tell him to stop slacking tf off n actually study for once (tbh it’s fine he’s a genius practically he gets As easier than u can say banana split)

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?absolutely and he doesn’t rlly remember but he thinks it was “shit”

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?once he set out twenty peeps just behind the wheels of his mom’s car and when she backed out the entire wheels got covered in peeps and when she came home saying there was all this weird gooey stuff on her wheels and looked pointedly at him. he just blurted out that it was god exacting judgement on her for her sins. it didn’t end well. he ended up washing the entire car by himself. it still haunts him to this day

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?he’ll literally just say “what the fuck” and laugh

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?whine about it until someone scratches it for him dependent on how comfy he is around the ppl he’s with. if he’s not comfy around the ppl he’s w he’ll just sulk internally or scurry off to the bathroom and like, rub his back (presumptively that’s where he can’t reach) against the edge of the stall until the itch is gone bc he’s high

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?he thinks he looks best in all colors also he doesn’t rlly care abt fashion. he looks best in HM like purple or royal blue?? 

What animal do they fear most?he has this weird fear of armadillos and no one knows why it has smth to do w an incident at the zoo when he was six

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?he honestly doesn’t say everything that comes to mind even tho it SOUNDS like he does but he also. basically says everything that comes to mind. it’s odd bc he ends up being rlly engaging in conversation anyways. however he isnt immune to being at a loss for words and when he’s under pressure he will stumble a lil thru what he’s saying. but most of the time what u hear is what he’s thinkin

What makes their stomach turn?ok he’s not SUPER big abt justice or anything like that but if someone’s being torn down he’ll get rlly uncomfy unless he’s the one who initiated it bc he’s like hey hey haha guys dont say that abt them. also he dislikes roly polys w a passion bc they remind him of armadillos :)

Are they easily embarrassed?on one hand he has no shame on the other he does get p flustered if ppl flirt w him and it hits a spot (in a good way)? like he does get embarrassed moderately easily but it takes him a few seconds to realize he should be embarrassed if u get me

What embarrasses them?flirting, if u get a well aimed compliment in that he didn’t expect. also realizing he’s made a fool of himself bc that oftentimes happens but he also rarely realizes it so if he REALIZES he’s made a fool of himself he will get flustered

What is their favorite number?420 duh

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?he’d be like wtf why r u asking me this but if someone he does trust and is close to asked him he’d try his best to give a serious answer after a bout of awkward laughing to make sure they were serious. prbly like “familial love and platonic love are the same thing basically right? i guess platonic love is how u love ur friends so yk brofists and shit and then romantic love is more? special? idk it’s fucking great tho *fingers guns at sev*”

Why do they get up in the morning? his mom makes him get up for school otherwise what is leaving his bed when he can just pull his comp onto his lap while STAYING in his bed and game from there

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? oh he’s very possessive. he’ll defo keep whatever he’s worried abt losing close by to start and if it’s a person- friend or s/o- he’s going to be touching them a lot more. a hand on the back, a hug at the side, running his hands through their hair casually. anything to assert that no back off ur not taking them from me. but if it continues, which it v well may, knowing him, he’s going to start getting snarky n verbally fighting the other person. basically Messy pls reassure him if u are the object of his affections and he’s getting side-eye emoji abt someone 

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? he defo becomes resentful a bit. like he doesn’t get envious over most things- it’s mostly fear of losing the thing once he has it- but when it does he will get resentful and hole up a bit and generally just seem a little ticked

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?yeah he’s comfy talking abt sex. prbly a little too comfy. so basically anyone willing to engage him in the conversation topic will likely hear abt it but he’s calmed down ever since he got involved w sev

What are their thoughts on marriage?marriage is good? but far off and amorphous in his mind. for the most part he’s like there’s nothing wrong w it but it crosses his mind EXTREMELY infrequently   

What is their preferred mode of transportation? preferably in the back of a private plane, squirrel suit gliding or on a giant eagle, none of which he’s ever experienced in his life. but out of the things he has he is fond of sailing when it’s calm out bc he does get seasick a tiny bit. he likes fast cars too

What causes them to feel dread? his mother :) she may be small but she is Frightening

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? he doesnt rlly give a damn so lie most of the time but at the same time if he cares abt the thing and he’s asking u abt it pls do urself a favor and tell him the truth. it’s what he prefers and it’s rare anyways that he actually asks after smth

Do they usually live up to their own ideals? nope. he wants to win a nobel prize, publish a meme compilation book, become a world class pianist, go to pluto- u get the idea. ya boi has many high hopes for himself which he’s not rlly meeting atm. he’s a little all over the place, so despite his many talents he isn’t quite living up to the ideal version of himself he’s seeking after and prbly never will it’ll be very hard to get him to admit this not bc he’s an edgelord or smth but it’s hard to get him to talk abt deeper things but he does sincerely want to be a good moral person which dependent on the day and his level of seriousness he may or may not be living up to in his own eyes as well as in the eyes of others. what can i say he’s kind of a hoe

Who do they most regret meeting? life…. when life’s hand touched upon his little heart and gave him the gift of herself he immediately was filled w Ragret- on a more serious note it’s prbly the armadillo from the zoo

Who are they the most glad to have met? sev? he also adores his piano teacher but good luck getting him to admit that w heartfelt sincerity 

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? it’s honestly whatever’s the most recent thing he observed, heard or experienced when it comes to stories. he has no shortage of words to say and his fav sort of memes and jokes are politically nihilistic ones. so those are? in a way his go to?

Could they be considered lazy? yes. he only applies himself if he’s interested and for most of school he has no qualms abt being a lil sus and casually “accidentally” getting the answers to things so yeah that’s. that could be considered lazy. however, when he does care abt smth he will absolutely dedicate himself to it. he practices piano consistently and diligently day in and day out so it honestly depends on if he cares or not

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? v difficult. he rarely becomes guilty for longer than .4 seconds but when it does he’s srsly going to internalize that bc if he’s feeling guilty he prbly f-ed up real bad. he also won’t rlly talk abt it to anyone so it’s even more likely it’ll just get internalized 

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? that’s extremely dependent on who it is and what it is. if it’s sev he’ll b v supportive but sev is a VERY big exception in most cases also sev rarely gets visibly excited abt things so it’s usually a cause for celebration when he does. if josie (his bff) is excited abt smth? if he can relate he’ll be excited for her but if he can’t he’ll TRY his best but there will be some teasing involved bc that’s how he diffuses confusion. their other bff will get the same treatment but w slightly more effort bc she’s more sensitive but gosh if it’s someone he doesn’t know rlly well he’ll be rlly confused he’ll be like good for u ha?? or someone he knows casually. they’ll get teased so he tries but he also sucks at life. for such a great analyst he’s terrible at being socially delicate

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? tbh prbly actively seek it. he defo pursued sev before they got together

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? he doesn’t rlly give a damn abt ppl’s names but if it’s say a piano piece it’s honestly just cold, hard repetition 

What memory do they revisit the most often? he doesn’t reminisce often hes a p go go go type of guy but if he does it’s prbly abt sev. neither of them voice it often but they’re both rlly grateful for the other

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? see, he’s kind of oblivious he doesn’t rlly think abt these things but when something annoys him? oh it annoys him and he’s going to make no effort to hide it or ignore it. so he’s honestly rlly bad at ignoring other ppl’s flaws. he’s a bit of a b like that 

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?very

How do they feel about children? no particular opinion! he’s the younger sib by quite a bit so he’s always been kind of the baby. he thinks kids are fine and he’s actually p good w them but he’d prefer to not babysit or anything like that. there are better more enjoyable things he could be doing w his time. as for having kids he almost never thinks abt that so he’s got no opinion there either. what happens happens after all

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? he doesn’t particularly have One End Goal but he has many aspirations and if he cares abt smth he will do everything in his power to reach it at least within reason. so p badly relatively speaking? 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? he’s bi so if someone asked him to explain it he’d be like “it means idc what someone’s gender is when it comes to whether i want to fuck or not ;)” yes i hate him too

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?MEME KING but also i’m excited to try and work out the balance between apathy, drive and subtle but very much present care for the ppl around himB) What inspired you to create them?i need a best friend for the main chara of the story benke is a part of! additionally, he shares a lot of character traits w an irl friend of mine so it’s a bit of a nod to themC) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?nope! benke was created for the purpose of filling a role tho honestly he’s spun a wild story for himself somehow looking @ u sevD) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?i must admit benke does NOT have a set appearance as of the present. he’s afab nb and does nothing to present as more masculine than he naturally appears. he’s indian, 5′4″ and he’s got short hair w highlights but beyond that i’m still working out his appearance E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?yes on a surface level to both. we’d meme together but at a deeper level we wouldn’t make good close friends. benke’s brand of caring for ppl is nearly opposite to mine and bc we’re already both unconventional in how we show we care abt someone we’d prbly both end up feeling neglected. there’d be a lot of miscommunication and honestly, ya boi would get on my nerves n i’d prbly get on hisF) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?TIRED he TIRES me but also a bit of pride bc he’s growinG) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?where do i begin. prbly how he’s unintentionally self centered. benke is far from uncaring abt his friends he will do crazy stupid brave things for them if it ever came to that but it’s hard for him to see why some of the things he says hurt other ppl’s feelings esp if they’re diff from him. he’ll be like ?? why u offended i didn’t say anything mean. he’s also RLLY bad at handling serious emotions even when they sometimes do need to be dealth wH) What trait do you admire most?HM prbly his knack for being a great conversationalist. ppl like him even if he isn’t the most popular bc he’s funny and p chill. he doesn’t have too much drama so it’s like hey there’s the meme guy even tho he’s kinda weird and tbh goals. being a good conversationalist can get u places and ease up SO many social situationsI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?PRBLY but also i think he’d do rlly well in a sci fi universe eyes emojiJ) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?nah not rlly?? not yet at least ! 

[matazz]

entries

diary entries of roy endoza

here’s some journal entries of roy endoza that i wrote for the duration of the campaign. for the most part, i kinda wrote these in my twitter drafts just to write down roy’s thoughts. sometimes to remember events that happened, and sometimes just to vent out roy’s feelings to myself. i ended up saving these on a document for safe keeping and i’m glad i wrote these.

‪entry 47‬

‪i miss milo so much. his laugh, his eyes, his smile. i would do anything to have that back.‬ ‪i know its my fault he’s gone. its only been a few months, but i’ll fix that; all of it. no matter how long it takes, no matter what happens. i’ll find some way to do it.‬ ‪entry 53‬ ‪i’ve retrieved a letter from a dream telling me to visit latham and retrieve a key. i’m curious, so i’ll check it eventually. it was definitely odd.‬ ‪entry 55‬ ‪i met a young boy. his name is fox. he’s some sort of shapeshifter. he’s quiet, but his presence is nice company. he also received a similar letter to mine. i have a feeling we’ll be travelling for a while.‬ ‪entry 62‬ ‪we retrieved the key & met some other ppl with letters too. we’re heading to a trinket store back in origin now. i dont wish for them to know of my life so i’ve found a way to steer them as far from possible to finding out about myself. i’ll probably visit ma too.‬ ‪entry 63‬ ‪an elf woman named leera attacked us after i told her i wasnt going to give her this key. i dont like her. she seemed very cocky.‬ ‪entry 65‬ ‪delilah is kind.. i feel like i’m able to trust her. i asked her a question about my goals, vaguely, and it turns out that ayce asked a similar question. based on the message in his later i get the feeling he’s undead.‬ ‪entry 66‬ ‪i told ayce the biggest con in all of history.. but i confirmed he’s undead. i have more hope in my goals now that i know its possible. he hugged me bc he thinks we’re similar. i dont usually allow people to do that but i’m sad for him. i wish i could ask more about him. ‬‪entry 69‬ ‪i’m getting closer to ayce, unexpectedly, but good for me. i need his information.‬ ‪he talks to me a lot about his life; i think he’s become dependent on me which is easy for me. its hard for him to see i’m using him when i lie to his face.‬ ‪entry 72‬ ‪we’re travelling to copper coast now for another key. if it werent for ayce, i wouldnt see any other reason for me to come. fox is still around, but i feel like he's doing his own thing. the other two arent big presences for me to care about.‬ ‪entry 73‬ ‪atlas is a werewolf? i didnt think those were real. this group keeps getting stranger. first a shapeshifter, second an actual living zombie, third a werewolf.‬ ‪ive continued my lie to the rest of them. they all seem to have believed me, strangely enough‬ ‪entry 74‬ ‪copper coast was very pleasant. i wish to come back someday.‬ ‪entry 88‬ ‪this trip to clandesteine has been a disaster.. what the honest fuck‬ just happened ‪entry 90‬ ‪fox told everybody about himself, finally. i feel this huge sense of pride?? i’m very proud of him. i dont understand why i feel so attached to him but i adore him so much‬ ‪entry 92‬ ‪((incoherent scribbles, kinda like “vsdjfsasifwnqkosdkv”)) i think i accidentally implied to ayce that i love him romantically and i think he loves me too... i’m freaking out and i dont know how to react... i think he thinks i’m cool and romantic but i didnt mean to be. ‪entry 93‬ in all honesty, i just wanted to tell him he needs to be more cautious of me. a part of me wishes he could figure it out himself so i dont have to tell him. ‪seriously! i dont know how i did that! i do love and adore him too but i feel like shit.. i dont deserve him, especially considering who i am. on the other hand, i hope he never finds out the truth about me.‬ ‪entry 94‬ ‪oh my god. atlas killed a man and ayce and fox proceeded to tell the guards. i feel sick. i’m currently at home but if they say my name at witness testimony i’m royally fucked. i dont know. i might just run for it and live in myr’s peak. maybe no one will find me.‬ ‪entry 95‬ ‪the group managed to get bailed out using ty’s name. benefits of being friends with rich people?‬ ‪fox found my poster though, so he saved my name during eyewitness testimony. i told him the truth. its been the first time i told someone how i really felt. he wants me to tell ayce but hes the last person i can tell. ‪entry 97‬ ‪we’re in lunarden! it feels nostalgic to be back.

i want to go back to every place i miss. i took ayce to that me and nori used to go to back in high school. i think shes currently performing in solardome? i miss her‬ entry 97.2 ‪i came up with a few different ways to complete my goal. i have a few more probing questions, but i will have to ask later. i think i’m getting closer to the answers‬ entry ‪97.3‬ ((scribbled out)) ‪i havent had sex in a while. i’ve wondered this before but realized it was an inappropriate question to ask. i wonder if ayce’s dick works? it probably doesnt. this is so sad. i dont know how i’m going to fuck him if thats true.. yikes‬ ‪entry 98‬ ‪i’m planning to get completely smashed once we get to solardome. i feel like i deserve it.. ive been pretty stressed and havent got laid. i’m crying remembering that ayce might not even be an option.‬ ‪entry 98.2 ((lost)) ‪i love ayce so much, and its confusing. am i just sexually frustrated? am i just lonely? am i just sad? i feel guilty because it tears me apart. im confused because i love milo still, too. i know i should tell him the truth, its whats right but i know he’ll hate me. i dont know what to do. (extra note inbetween the pages, torn out: to mom. i love you venhfrhdy mcuh. thank you fir everhything. yes. roy.) entry 98.3 what happens if i succeed? i hope ayce doesnt kill me. entry 100 ‪good morning. ayce & i are officially dating. were in solardome atm; i dont remember much of last night but i remember thinking he‘s beautiful. is it wrong to fall for him?‬ ‪entry 101‬ ‪good evening. i saw ms winters. she was undead, just like ayce. she died a year ago. her soul was lost though. i killed what remained of her undead corpse. i assume she was trying to remain in this world.. i’m scared that this will happen to him too. maybe ill have to do the same to him. entry 101.2 i hope ayce's soul is able to sustain in his body for longer. i cant afford to lose him. entry 101.3 ‪the blackness on my fingers has risen up more than it has before. its almost hard to write with my hands anymore. i assume its bc the gods know what i'm doing & are against it, so they're trying to give me more recoil than usual. but the last time i killed an undead corpse was in my house 6 months ago, and i promise that the last time i will use it is when i bring milo back. (torn note inbetween the pages: hi ayce. its unrealistic you'll ever find this but there's some things i want to say. back when we first met, i lied to you as a reflex when you asked me why i'm dealing with necromancy. to be honest, i could kind of gather you were undead, but i still lied anyway. my story is personal, its hard for me to be honest. i know i'm an idiot, and i'm sorry i used you. to be truthful, i still am a horrible person and for the entirety of our relationship i've already known that i was using you and i've felt so guilty about that. my feelings are complicated, but i've never lied when i said i loved you, and i still do; but i still want to bring milo back. i made a mistake and i want to fix that. the truth is that i still love him too. i know you deserve better. i'm sorry about lying to you. roy) entry 102 a dragon made us experience our dreams and nightmares. jade's scared of blindness and bugs. a valid fear, in a way. and she was dreaming of doing shows. i think it was supposed to display a feeling of happiness and joy, but it was just spooky since we all experienced her dreams with no sound. i never realized how scary it was to be deaf until i experienced it. atlas' was morbid. people were dying and there was so much gore. then there were people saying they owned him. i knew he was a bad person but it was scary to see all of that again. he dreamt of a workshop with a girl and a young boy. it seemed sweet, with a tinge of nostalgia. i would have never expected him to have dreams. he just seems like a horrible person with no sympathy to me, but i guess he has feelings. i still think he should go to jail, but i feel like he'll just try to kill me if i say anything instead. fox's was sad. we got thrown into a void

of empty space where we were surrounded only by dopplegangers and a vaguely humanoid figure. he seemed so lonely and upset. he's scared of being forgotten by us and that made me so sad. i adore him, and he's grown a lot since we first met. i gave him a hug when we went into his dream sequence. i hope he knows i will never forget him. his dream was sweet. he just wants to save people and hang out with us still. i think he'll go far, and i would love to be there for him still when all of this is over.c (the rest of the pages with entry 102 are torn out) when i saw milo in the old house again just being his happy lovely self i felt miserable and happy at the same time. i love him so much, and i knew i missed him already but seeing him again just made me feel so much love for him all over again. it just makes me miss him more. it's hard not to cry thinking about what i've done to him. i wish he could come back. ayce's was hard to watch. i witnessed myrkul force ayce to choose between killing me and quri. ayce cried as he couldn't make up his mind, and then i watched as i fell into a void. i felt sick and i wanted to puke. i thought ayce found out about me. i thought he knew that i was using him for necromancy, but when i asked him about it, he told me that he thought i killed him with quri. i... personally don't have any reason to ever kill him so that was a bit sickening to think of. i dont ever want to kill anyone. i dont even have anyone i hate enough to want to murder. the only person i hate enough to want to kill is me. i know based on what i said before i guess it might have seemed that bad; but haha... i would never ever want to do that. putting people down at hospital was rough. god, putting ms winters down was rough and she was already dead. i love him, but it's probably better if we end the relationship and just stay as friends? he's already witnessed me still loving milo, and he thinks i murdered him... i'll try to clear up his misunderstanding, but it'll be hard to without giving more of myself away. this relationship has so many problems. entry 103 a new discovery. the world isn't flat? the god's are using their powers to “lock off” the rest of the world. apparently sanctuary is only a small part of the world. that was a really weird discovery to find out? it's kind of hard to believe, but at the same time, not. apparently they keys we've been collecting hold the respective power of the gods, and they're used to “open” the gateway. i have no idea what that means. apparently beshaba wants to use our keys to do exactly that. and also they can kill the god's? entry 112 when we came back to lunarden we discovered that delilah and allen were kidnapped by atlas’ syndicate. i knew atlas was trouble. i hate having to associate with him. we’re going to save them yet it makes me nervous. entry 114 i feel like i almost died in there. we saved the others and no one was hurt though. we’re going to trip back to lunarden and then travel through the travel gates back to origin to try avoid people. allen mentioned something about strange readings. i have a feeling i know what it is. i’m going to ask lathandar questions. entry 115 nvm we encountered leera. this group genuinely scares me. I’m travelling with people who are down with murder. i should seperate. she uncovered my posters to them and i want to die. she also mentioned the last key at a ball. i need to bounce. lathandar also confirmed my suspicions last night. entry 116 fox left before i could. i feel bad. like maybe it was my fault. i miss him. we have to continue though. entry 117 its so hard to find a bag of holding. i just want to have this spirit stone around without having it in the open. entry 118 we’re in origin now and delilah let me rent out her bag of holding. an absolute kind soul. we bought tickets to the ball. so expensive. i wish i didnt do that. entry 123 i’ve done so much in preperation of whats to come. Soon. i hope it works. i’m going to travel to solardome and investigate those readings. entry 124 suspicions

confirmed. miss winters is alive. she captured my biological father. a strange way to meet him. i cant see him as my father. i told her about the key, and we’re going to rearrange our circle. we’ll still use the spirit stones, just as a backup. i’m scared. i’m terrified. i dont know if it will work and i dont know what will happen if it does. i know the gods will be mad but i’ll deal with the consequences when it happens. i’m sure i won’t be a champion anymore. we’re doing this on friday evening, which means i’m no longer attending the gala. they don’t need my assistance anyway.

[adampage]

Hold You Close | Jinder Mahal

Pairing: Jinder Mahal x OFC (Aisha)

"can you do an imagine where jinder finally gets time off and is super cuddly and doesnt want to let you go and lots of other fluffy stuff please"

- @birthday-prinxess

Tagging: @llowkeys / @hardcorewwetrash / @justrae9903 / @the-geekgoddes / @xxmaddhatter39xx / @xstylesxclashx / @crowleysqueenofhell / @wrasslin-x / @roman-reigns-princess / @sjwrites22 / @reigns420 / @unabashedwwesmut 

Word count: 1,175

Author’s Note: @birthday-prinxess I hope you like it! My inbox is open for requests!

(Sidenote: I had to use this gif just because it made me laugh)

So honey now

Take me into your loving arms

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

Place your hand on my beating heart...

Never in a million years could Jinder have imagined the effort, the physical ability, the mental strain, and the psychological torment that it took to be World Champion. When Vince and the creative team sat down with him in the days leading up to Wrestlemania and afterwards, he couldn't believe his luck. They were actually considering him as a contender for the World title. At Wrestlemania he found himself at the very end of the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal, ready to lose to Mojo Rawley and his boy, the Gronk. But it was a loss well suffered, in the end. Days later, after a particularly unlucky match with Finn Balor in which he injured Finn, Jinder got swapped to Smackdown Live, the land of opportunity. And a land of opportunity it was, as in the weeks ahead he was named the number one contender for the World Championship, and he would face the Viper, Randy Orton. As his career push gained momentum, he spent more and more time in the gym, in the ring, and less time taking trips back home. Aisha was, with good reason, excruciatingly upset. It was heartbreaking, working hard day after day, to come home to a beautiful house, with no one to enjoy it with. To come home to an empty bed, without her beautiful husband to keep her warm throughout the cold, Canadian nights. But she dealt with the pain of missing him. She knew that this was his big break, and she kept herself busy with her own blossoming career as a fashion designer. And of course, her large Indian family celebrated a wedding what felt like every other week, so at the very least she had her cousins and siblings (and the occasional spiked drink) to keep her company. It was on such an occasion as this that Aisha found herself being driven home in a taxi, stumbling up the steps to the front door, flats in hand as she struggled to fit the damned key into a hole that seemed to have sealed itself solid. She shook her head, muttered a curse, and regretted not listening to her brother, who had told her to spend the night at his and his wife's place. Everyone was worried about her, and she could feel it enveloping her in a cloud of claustrophobia the moment they pushed about Jinder a little too much for comfort. "You've lost weight, Aisha. Being without your husband is not good for you." The most annoying of her aunts wouldn't stop mentioning him, all night. "And that job, too. When did you come home last night? It's too much stress," she chided. The endless, mindless chatter just about ruined the evening for her. It was then that she'd bid her brother good night, apologized to his gorgeous new wife, and kissed her mother and father good night. "Get in the fucking hole, you idiot," Aisha whined, the losing battle with the key and the door drawing to a close as she heard the subtle sound of a car door shutting behind her, but she paid it no mind, thinking it was probably the neighbors from across the street coming home from their own weekend activities. "When Jinder gets back, I'm going to tell him we need one of those hand print DNA pads, like in the movies," she hissed to herself, pushing back a long lock of dark black hair from her face, disgruntled with the depressing realization that she might just have to sleep outside, because no way was she going to go back to her brother's, only to be chastised and ridiculed by her aunt again with her newest failure. "I'll get on it tomorrow," his rough voice moved through the air and echoed through her ears, the alcohol in her system causing her to stand there a few seconds without turning around, before her lips widened into a smile and she turned to face her beloved husband. "Jinder!" She cried, arms, hands, and even her legs wrapping around him tightly as she jumped into his arms, not wanting to let him go. It seemed he was of the same idea, because his grip tightened around her. "Hello, baby," he said. "How is my favorite girl?" "Your only girl," she replied, kissing him on the cheek in greeting, and then on the mouth in love. "Of course," he chuckled. "Now what do you say we take this inside, huh?" She nodded vigorously in agreement, her inebriated self slowing sobering with the feeling of elation his return invoked inside her. If only she knew how happy he was to see her, as well.

"Are you hungry, babe? Do you want me to make something? Or I could heat up some leftovers from what I made last night, it's up to you. Or maybe we could just order in, what do you-?" She was stopped dead in her tracks by the feeling of his hands around her waist. How she'd longed for this. For weeks, she'd missed the touch of his skin against hers and now it was back and it wouldn't stop. If he faced her, his fingers would delicately graze the side of her face, pulling back a strand of hair to behind her ear, lightly squeezing her earlobe, tracing a line down to the crook of her neck. If she turned away from him, his hands would be on her waist in seconds. If her hand reached out for something, he'd grab it, pull her in for a kiss, and begin to laugh at the color that tinged her cheeks. "There is nothing I want more, my love, than to take you to bed, wrap my arms around you, and have you fall asleep to the strong beat of the heart that I gave you many years ago."

“Okay, wait, hold on,” she pushed him away slowly with her hand on his chest. “This isn’t what we agreed on when we got married.”

He looked at her, confused, reaching again for some small part of her, any of her, that he could hold on to. Aisha continued. “We agreed that we’d be coldhearted and distant, and never show affection. Like, never. Ever. Except maybe at funerals.”

Following her lead, he tensed up, squared his shoulders, placed his hands on her jaw. “But, Aisha,” he said, and how his voice could sound like gravel she could never understand, “we are at a funeral.”

It was her turn to look bewildered.

His thumbs caressed her cheeks as he gave her a coy smile.

“We’re celebrating the death of your sense of humor.”

Aisha giggled involuntarily, because if anyone had a dumb sense of humor, it was him. She nuzzled his nose, and he couldn’t help but nuzzle back. And so, he picked her up, bridal style, and carried his still slightly inebriated wife upstairs, where they both fell fast asleep, warm and content, in each other's arms, the weight of their personal troubles slowly melting away as they dreamed of each other.

[kyohiba]

yi city trio swords spirits au

BUT IMAGINE XXCS SWORD N XYS SWORD???

May 25 FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

IM IN

i love those weapons having a soul and personality stuff 💯💯💯

lmao... what xxc's sword felt when he stabbed sl... :^)

yeeting patriarch WILL WE EVER GET OVER YI CITY ARC? NON

oOOOH NOOOOOOO I HADNT THOT OF THT

wow yi city is just angst on angst on angst no matter how u look at it

ssyifpfff🌙 imagine xxc sword all those years under xys care

May 25 me, as usual: How About Some Painnn? (in the history of japan video)

yeeting patriarch VOICE*

LMAO

ssyifpfff🌙 me: some happy bakery, no pain pls you: how about i do... anuwayyy~~

May 25 i basically throw the flour and eggs on the wall and unleash my Suffering Sword to attacc

but im Crying at how xxc's sword mustve felt about It All

HNNNNNN IMAGINE... XY'S SWORD BEING MORE... A REFLECTION OF HIS TRUE DEEPEST FEELINGS

yeeting patriarch NYEEHAW

ssyifpfff🌙 XYS SWORD WANTING TO INTERACT W XXCS

May 25 ssyifpfff🌙 cant rmmbr their names lmao

May 25 yeeting patriarch BUT XXC'S SWORD REFUSING HIM BECAUSE OF WHAT HIS MASTER DID

ssyifpfff🌙 also did xy use more xxcs sword thn his own?? how did xys sword feel abt tht? :(

May 25 me, a furry: imagine xy's sword having cat features

yeeting patriarch SADDDDDDDD

woke

ssyifpfff🌙 xys sword is his fursona send tweet

May 25 im imagining xy's sword to be just a sad boi

yeeting patriarch JGEMEODIGEBLEOSYBEKEPSYVELDO YELL

SAD CAT SWORD

n its funny bc the meaning of its name is like "ro bring destruction" or something and the sword itself is just. sad

"master pls dont kill those p- oh no"

ssyifpfff🌙 "master pls dont fight w daozhang- oh dang"

May 25 yeeting patriarch *ears down sadly* master........

ssyifpfff🌙 xys swrod seein xue yang fall apart after xxc dies.................

May 25 yeeting patriarch HEEHEE

ssyifpfff🌙 xxc sword seein it too n Realizing

May 25 yeeting patriarch imagine if xxc's sword's personality is kinda the opposite of his

ssyifpfff🌙 xxc sword is just a big bastard lmao

May 25 yeeting patriarch IM LIVING FOR IT

like... he takes soooooooo long to Understand & Realize how xy truly feels

since the boy is a mess it is indeed hard to figure out if u dont pay attention to the details

yeeting patriarch and he also takes too long to notice the sadness xy's sword carries (openly, in his master's place)

hes so blinded by anger for so long

yeeting patriarch fukc i wanna remember the swords names

hold on

xxcs is Shuanghua

ssyifpfff🌙 and xys is Jiangzai

May 25 saved for future reference due to bad memory

shuanghua and jiangzai...

what about song lan's?

me: *makes it poly even with the swords*

yeeting patriarch i cnat resist

song lans has such a pretty name, its Fuxue

ssyifpfff🌙 and it means To brush away snow

May 25 fuxue... cute

yeeting patriarch i love the meanings

ssyifpfff🌙 fuxue is the glue tht keeps Shuanghua from assassinating jiangzai

May 25 yeeting patriarch IFEBKSUZGJEOZYIS FAVE

ssyifpfff🌙 fuxue is the voice of reason uwu

May 25 yeeting patriarch lmao unexpectedly but expectedly we suddenly started a sword au

ssyifpfff🌙 we cant help ourselves uwuwuw

May 25 fuxue's personality... how can he be like

jiangzai is sad kitten

shuanghua is angery bastard

yeeting patriarch we need something that mirrors song lan

song lan is like very low key, mayb his sword is super extravagant

omg mayb his sword is a wise drunk

ssyifpfff🌙 fuxue: *downs a bottle of wine* reality is a social concept

May 25 IGRNSOXYGEMSLDYKS IM YELLING

this is funny but i need Angst

yeeting patriarch not even their swords escape my paws

tht why fuxue is the voice of reason, when Shuanghua is blinded by hate towards jiangzai n its master fuxue has to come in like *rafiki voice* "no..... look Harder"

ssyifpfff🌙 but fuxue cant always be all brains n reason, i suppose it feels complicated towards Shuanghua bc well....................

May 25 yeeting patriarch bc he fucken pierced his master

ssyifpfff🌙 right

May 25 idk how to explain myself i have 2 braincells but. i picture fuxue w the kinda personality tht just accepts what happens ans Sees deeper but at the same time feels a lot, so fuxue must feel strange bein around 2 swords tht hurt song lan.... bc jiangzai cut song lans tongue lmao

ssyifpfff🌙 wow im stanning fuxue out of nowhere in this chillis tonite

May 25 HV3NSIDYVENLSUSGJW IM LOVING THIS

yeeting patriarch im a jiangzai stan bc how could I not

yeeting patriarch but i see ur point and love it...

fuxue Understands what they didnt isnt exactly their fault but he cant help that complicated feeling

and upon seeing the Extremes each are, he Has To be the voice of reasonm ?*

yeeting patriarch jiangzai im so sorry i turned u into big depresso

YESS he sees tht neither of the other two have the emotional maturity to try and move forward so he has to push down whatever way he feels and Be tht mature sword

it makes sm sense for jiangzai to be Depresso Esspresso

and it makes sm sense for Shuanghua to be a repressed bastard

ssyifpfff🌙 from like, everything xxc respressed thru the years

May 25 RIGHT

yeeting patriarch it reminded me of what wuxian had said about wen ning

RIGHT???

ssyifpfff🌙 not sure how swords work but i assume they have some deep connection w their masters souls? isk

May 25 yeeting patriarch well it's such a magical word so i suppose the weapons do have some sort of connection to their masters cores

yeeting patriarch ANYWYA, THE SCENARIO:

yeeting patriarch imagine one day shuanghua losing it... worse than usual... and snapping at jiangzai and he is like head hung low during mostly the entire thing but then he suddenly interrupts both shuanghua and fuxue (who was trying to make shuanghua stop) and yells. for some reason i picture jiangzai being soft spoken and quiet. and he yells at them "I DIDN'T WANT TO DO ANY OF THAT! BUT MY MASTER... HE... HE..." then the explosion kinda dies out and he continues "neither did he want it, but he didn't understand it..."

JIANGZAI DESPERATE FOR OTHERS TO SEE THT HIS MASTER NEEDS EMOTIONLA SUPPORT

ssyifpfff🌙 xue yang @ jiangzai: 'mam thts my emotional support cat sword

May 25 fuxue prob stays silent and evaluates the situation and shuanghua wants to storm out (can he?? can the swords just leave?? lmao)

n after a while fuxue goes to talk w jiangzai and asks him to explain everything he can abt xue yang

ssyifpfff🌙 "we're all under his care now, he need to know him" (this would b during tht time xue yang kept song lan as a fierce corpse

May 25 i imagine the swords selves being like... spiritual? to humans, ofc. but they can touch, hit and etc each other

and i guess they could "leave" within a determined space? as long they arent being used in battle

yeeting patriarch like if they're inside a building they can go to other rooms

yeeting patriarch im sobbing so much at the thought of jiangzai explaining to fuxue what he can about xue yang. parts of xue yang the man himself doesnt know how to face and understand

ssyifpfff🌙 but jiangzai Knows bc hes connected to xue yangs core........... im weak

May 25 ssyifpfff🌙 and fuxue sees tht jiangzai is sincere when he says xue yang didnt really want to do all tht he just felt he had to other path to walk, no second chances

May 25 he explains bits of xue yang's past and how the incidents that occurred during his early years shaped him into being that way

yeeting patriarch that they worsened his nature

and that mostly of all xue yang didn't know how to face his emotions with sincerity. because he couldn't understand the essence of some things for not having properly experienced them when he was growing. that at this point, his self was already too hardened

and how much it saddens jiangzai

yeeting patriarch most of all he explains he does not excuse his master's actions, but he does understand why he does things in his messed up way

jiangzai goodest boy

im sure fuxue would at least try to understand, like at least he ha sthe interest in learning abt their new keeper

ssyifpfff🌙 but shuanghua would take far longer

24h 24 hours ago yeeting patriarch fuxue: adapt to survive

since it was xue yangs actions tht led to xxc to stab himself w his own sword

ssyifpfff🌙 shuanghua must have a lot of guilt somehow even tho its not his fault

24h 24 hours ago yeeting patriarch he directs it all into jiangzai since he cant... yell at xue yang

it was so much harder for make him see deeper into the factors

yeeting patriarch took so much longer for him TO START to let some stuff in and analyze it

that's why mostly jiangzai just... accepts shuanghua's outbursts? he feels responsible for his master's actions even though he has no power nor influence over him

yeeting patriarch but that one day he yelled the boi was going thru so much accumulated shit so he exploded back

got shuanghua all shooketh

shuanghuas wig flew

mabybe he was sneaky listening to fuxue n jiangzai talking

ssyifpfff🌙 and at first even if he cant bring himself to even have a smallest bit of sympathy towards xy, at least he can start to see tht his masters actions were beyond jiangzai, and he couldnt do anything abt them

24h 24 hours ago yeeting patriarch lmao he surely sneakily listened to the talk the other two had

yeeting patriarch he starts to soften bit by bit, slowly, towards jiangzai

SOFT IDEA FOR SOME WARMTH

yeeting patriarch what if the swords "spirits" can interact with animals?