#he loooooves watching you knit by the way

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

you know how people usually put covers on sharp edges when they want to babyproof something?

imagine reader giving FL some sort of glove to act as a covering for his sharp talons. FL is always trying to be mindful of his sharp claws when interacting with others (reader + the wildlife) so reader decides to do something to help ease his mind a little. He gets to let loose a little more now that his talons are covered

-sleepy anon

oh my moon and stars listen, listen. pair this with a reader who knits

Foul Legacy always treats everything with a gentle touch, knowing that his claws are razor sharp and the size of small daggers- he doesn't want to hurt anyone, rip anything. the city that he lives in is filled with small, breakable beings, and he is a very strong, deadly Abyssal monster, so everything he does is careful and delicate. it's awful, in a way, watching Legacy constantly treading on eggshells to avoid damaging anything, particularly in terms of affection. you KNOW that he wants to ruffle your hair and pinch your cheeks from the way his claws twitch when you're nearby, but resists out of fear of potentially gashing your skin. so, after careful consideration, also known as a sudden idea that popped into your head in the middle of the night, you decide to knit him some soft, comfortable gloves!

admittedly, it does take a while, seeing that you don't exactly have a pattern for Foul Legacy's talons and hands just laying around. however, you do grab a spare set of Childe's gloves to examine, trying to match the style that they're in with yarn, all blue and purple and glittering silver. after several weeks of work you finally present the gloves to him, watching Legacy's crystalline eye go wide and astonished as he slowly pulls them on, flexing his claws before immediately reaching out to cup your cheeks. you blink and stare at him, and he stares silently back at you, then gives your cheeks a gentle squish. your skin merely sinks under the woolen gloves, no hint of a scratch or even a bruise, and Legacy's wings begin shivering as choppy, delighted trills slip from his fanged maw, pressing and massaging your face to his heart's content

you will NOT be able to get him to stop squeezing and hugging you- but that's okay <3

[constantmourning]

Stress Relief

[Price/Reader/Soap/Simon]

Summary: Headcanons (almost an imagine) on sleeping with the three and how it turns out for you!

Warnings: Minors DNI! NS/FW, 18+!, M/M/M/F, Foursome, not too descriptive but still nasty, let me know if I forgot something! (haven't done this in a while)

A/N: This is my first time writing for these guys! I hope you enjoy! I'm still getting a hang of these characters but I had this idea so I went with it. I kinda fucking ran with it actually... Hope you all enjoy. Kinda wanna make it a full blown fic.

It started with Soap. Really, you didn't think it'd go much further.

You were sleeping together most every chance you got. To the point where Soap started to brag about his nights he'd spend with you to TF141.

Price began probing about who, genuinely curious. Soap would never say your name. However, you gave yourself away after a briefing and heard Price being curious about who had Soap acting that way.

"It's me." You walked up and smiled at Price. Soap was slightly shocked you had given yourself away. And was even more shocked with the next thing you said. "If you ever wanna feel just as great, give me a call." You winked at him.

Soap wasn't jealous by any means, in fact sharing you with Price was something he really didn't mind. He had not expected you to be okay with it though.

So, you started sleeping with Price.

Soap and Price were much different lovers in the best way possible. You would spend the night with Soap, him going absolutely feral over you. Then you'd spend the next night with Price. Who was not as ravenous, but just as passionate.

This went on for a couple weeks. Just you, Price, and Soap. Never had the three of you fucked at the same time. But Price had plans to change that. And Soap had something up his sleeve as well.

"Soap." Price had approached him a questioning look. "I have a question."

"Good, just who I was looking for," Soap smirked, "'cause I do too."

You were in your room when a knock came from the door. It was a free night, neither Soap nor Price were supposed to come over, so you weren't sure who the knocking could be.

When price and soap entered your room as soon as you opened your door you grew hot. "you're both here?"

"We have a proposition." Price seemed serious but Soap seemed too excited to be serious.

They both stood in front of you, so you could assume what it was. "threesome?"

Soap shook his head, and held up four fingers. Your brows knitted together and you cocked your head. Before you could say a word your door pushed open further and you turned around. Your heart jumped into your throat.

The man you had found the mysterious since coming onto base was standing there. Simon 'Ghost' Riley. You swallowed hard turning towards Price and Soap.

"Is this a joke?" No way was Simon joining in...

"No, love," Simon grunted, "it isn't. Soap 'ere won't shut up about you, so I thought I'd see what the raving was about."

Your heart is pounding in your chest. Had Soap been seeing how you were staring longingly at Simon? Yes, yes he had.

"Is this okay?" Price asked. Soap and Simon waited on your answer. When you nodded, things were most definitely getting loud.

You thought Soap and Price were great? It is Simon's mission to show you how much better he is at everything.

Soap amazing at eating you out? Simon is going to one up him. Price really good at taking his time fucking you? Simon is going to show you just how much time he can to take care of you.

They let Simon do whatever he wants, Price and Soap just watching (and jerking it). But after Simon experiences you for himself, they decide to all have a go at it.

They take turns teasing you and eating you out. Seeing just how far you could go before they get down to business.

You're sandwiched between three very strong men and its very hot.

Soap is a freak (enduring) and loooooves watching Simon's large form pressing against yours while Price takes you from behind.

The guys don't leave without their dick getting sucked.

You are almost crying (positive) after they're done with you.

Super duper big on aftercare. Simon carries you to the bathroom. Soap would literally give you a bath if you wanted/needed. Price is telling you how good you were. All of them are the best...

At the end Price is ready to ask for this more often. It's a nice stress reliever for everyone. He may even ask if the others could join, for team bonding. Only if you're comfortable of course.

[d-dixonimagines]

How about #1, where Daryl was sick or so injured he was unconscious, and the reader waited by his side until he woke up? I looooove hurt Daryl, I know I'm terrible u_u

Thank you so much for sharing your talent and writing for us! 💖💖💖

Firstly, I would just like to say that there is going to be A LOT of apologizing as I work my way through these requests for making you all wait so long!! I miss writing for Daryl so much and I wish I was in a place where it was as easy as it used to be. Anyway! I hope this doesn't completely suck! And thank you for your patience <3

Edit: I completely blanked on this being a prompt!!! I added it, though, and hopefully it still makes sense!! Prompt 1: "have you been waiting up this whole time?"

Trigger Warning: Mentions of blood

You dreaded this day for a very long time. Daryl had come back injured before, pretty badly on some occasions, but nothing like this. For the most part he was always able to walk through the front gates on his own, but now, you watched him get dragged in on the back of a cart. Motionless. The feeling in your chest wasn't like anything you had ever felt before. In all of the horrible things that you had all gone through, this.. this was the worst feeling, because you could see him and you didn't know if he was still breathing. His face was covered in blood, deep gashes all over his arms, dirt everywhere, clothes torn. It was a nightmare to see. A million questions racing through your mind as to what the hell happened to him, and no one giving you any answers. You rushed to the side of the cart, looking at the state of him, horror stricken over your features, looking to anyone he was with to tell you what happened, but no one said a word, they just focused on getting him to the infirmary so the doctor could tend to him. You knew that was the most important thing right now, but you just couldn't think straight. Pacing around outside of the infirmary, biting at your finger and waiting for someone to tell you that he was in stable conditions. When you looked up, you saw Joe, one of the guys who was with him. He darted over to him before he could get away and hounded him for answers. "Hey," you called after him, watching him turn to look at you. He looked upset, almost guilty as his eyebrows knitted together in worry. "What the hell happened out there?" You tried to remain calm. Joe faced you and paused briefly before answering. "It was an accident. We were on our way back when we came across a hoard of walkers. There weren't that many of 'em so we thought it would be pretty easy. But the embankment that we were by, the ground wasn't as sturdy as we expected. Daryl stepped too close to the edge and nearly the whole side of embankment went down with him as he lost his footing. He hit his head on some rocks below and got knocked out. We're all just really sorry to bring him back to you like that." You shook your head and placed your hand on his shoulder. "You brought him back, that's all that matters. Thank you." Joe gave a nod and sympathetic smile before turning and going on his way. Turning back to the door that Daryl was behind, you began to pace again, wondering when you were going to get any updates on how he was doing. It had been hours when finally the door opened and the doctor came out, causing you to perk up from the chair you finally found yourself sitting in. "Well, how is he? Is he gonna be ok?" "He's in pretty bad shape, but he's bound to make a full recovery. I did all I could do; he's stitched and cleaned up, but without any proper medical equipment, I can't check for internal bleeding. As far as I can tell, though, a good amount of rest will help him get back on his feet." Air that had seemingly been held since the moment you saw him return home had finally been released as you let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't spectacular news, but it was good. And that was good enough for you. "Thank you for everything. Can I go in and see him?" He gave you a nod and you rushed in before anything else could be said. It was still difficult to see him in his condition. Bruised and cut up, bandages around his head. The rise and fall of his chest was the only thing that really kept you grounded. He was still breathing, and that gave you hope that he would pull through. He was Daryl fucking Dixon, for crying out loud. He always made it through. Pulling a chair to the side of the bed, you grabbed his hand and held it in yours, the first contact you had made with him since earlier that morning. Things had started out so different. There wasn't really a care in the world. It was a simple run, one that he had gone and come back from easily on so many occasions, but this was just a reminder of how much things aren't guaranteed. It drove you crazy just how fast

things could change. You watched him silently, placing your lips to the palm of his hand and leaving a gentle kiss. You didn't know how long it had been. The only times you got up was if you had to go to the bathroom, but even then you pushed it pretty close, not wanting him to leave from your sight. A couple people stopped in to check on things, trying to bring you food, but you were in no state to eat so you just left it to the side for later. The sun left and returned, shining through the window as the rays shown onto the bed. You began to stir once more, confident that you probably only got a couple solid hours of sleep, due to constantly waking up to make sure he was still doing OK. He had slept through the night with no problems, and you hoped that was a good thing. Adjusting yourself a bit, you let your head rest back down onto the bed, nestling gently against his hand, feeling yourself begin to doze off again. You weren't sure how long it had been before you started to feel a gentle tug, causing you to wake. When you lifted your head and looked at Daryl, you saw that his eyes were still closed, causing you to wonder if you had just imagined the feeling of him moving. You were about to close your eyes again when your heard a low grunt come from him. "Daryl?" You called quietly, feeling like if you talked any louder it would ruin something. You watched him intently as his eyes began to flutter open. It took him a moment for his eyes to adjust to the brightness of the room before he looked around, and finally, his gaze landed on yours. You let out a sigh of relief as your eyes welled up with tears, so incredibly happy that he was awake. "Hey, you. How are you feeling?" "Like I got hit by a bus... have you been waitin' up this whole time?" he grumbled, trying to adjust himself on the bed. You stood up and helped him readjust himself so he was more comfortable, and handed him some water, knowing he was probably parched. When you sat back down, you grabbed his hand again, looking down at it and admiring the fact that he was squeezing yours back. "Of course I have," you nodded at his question. "You really had me worried, you know," you looked up again, letting your eyes land on all the spots on his face that was battered and bruised. "Watching the way you came through those gates... it was a feeling I never want to feel ever again," you kissed his hand again. "I'm really really happy that you're ok." He kept his gaze locked on you as he caressed the side of your face. "I'll always come back to ya," his voice was quiet and extra gruff from lack of talking. "You almost didn't this time," you whispered. You really didn't want to focus on what could have happened and just be grateful that you still had him, but it was hard. It was hard not to think about how much easier it is for something to go so wrong. "Don't do that," he started gently, clearing his voice. "I'm here, alright? You keep me fightin', I'm always gonna come back to ya." You gave a quiet nod and leaned into his touch. "You better."

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

[aliferous-ly]

we’re all gossipy bitches sometimes

AKA Roman and Logan sit down and gossip -- but not in the way you think. 

pairings: platonic logince, romantic royality, romantic analogical warnings: swearing, two deceit mentions, one remus mention, if there’s anything else lmk!! wordcount: 1641

“Did you see Patton today? What he was wearing?” Roman said, swirling a bright rainbow sparkle mug. 

“Mmhmm,” Logan said. He nodded for good measure. “The soft grey sweater? With a little mouse on it?” 

“And it said mice to meet you, like,” Roman paused, making a guttural noise. “Ugh! Are you kidding me? I can’t deal with that!” 

“The pun was rather…” Logan pursed his lips. “...much. However, I agree with your sentiment. The sleeves were so long he used them as hand warmers.” 

“I am GOING to die. Like, this isn’t a drill, dig a hole of six feet,” Roman said. He leaned forward, thick fluffy blanket wrapped around his shoulders. “He should be illegal. He’s too cute. Tomorrow he’ll come down in that green knit sweater and I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing his stupid face.” 

“I thought the yellow dress would do you in. I stand corrected,” Logan said. 

“Oh, yes, it absolutely would,” Roman said. He pointed at Logan with his obnoxious glitter mug. “But it’s too cold for that. 

“Oh, what about the dark red one, and then that one scarf he has, and leggings?” Logan mused. 

“Oh shit,” Roman said. He sighed, melting against the couch cushions. “God, you’re right.” 

“Also, based on past experience, you won’t do anything of the sort,” Logan said, sipping from his own travel mug. 

Roman gasped. “Ouch! You didn’t have to come for me like that!” 

“I speak only the truth,” Logan said, shrugging. He lifted the mug to cover the slight hint of a smile. 

“Oh, but you’ll love this,” Roman said. He put the mug on the coffee table. With his newly freed hands, Roman gestured to follow his words. “I caught Virgil staring at your space blanket.” 

“Understandable. Anyone would. It’s very soft and is nice to look at,” Logan said. 

“Shut up, specs,” Roman said. “C’mon. C’mon. Imagine him all wrapped up in that blanket. Like are you kidding me? Imagine it.” 

Logan rolled his eyes, ignoring the heat travelling to his cheeks. Maybe he was too warm and should shed a layer. “Today he told me his room needed redecorating and asked me to help.” 

“Yo, get it my good nerdy friend!” Roman said, kicking Logan. “What did you say?” 

Logan avoided Roman’s gaze, electing to stare out the window where snow fell softly, as per Roman’s request. 

“Teach,” Roman said. He leveled Logan with a look. “Don’t leave me hanging.” 

“I said, I am not design oriented and thus my opinion should not be turned to, perhaps try Patton or Roman, they would enjoy this activity more,” Logan muttered, turning bright red at Roman’s incredulous stare. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? Dude!” Roman all but yelled. Logan shh’d him frantically, eyes wide. Roman lowered his voice, but only slight. “That was your opportunity! Your time to shine! You could regale him with like, creepy spider facts! What even!” 

“I panicked!’ Logan whispered loudly. “I can’t handle him when he does that weird thing with his face!” 

“You mean smiling?” Roman said, gesturing wildly. “Logan!” 

“Do not yell at me when you were just saying you couldn’t handle it when Patton was wearing a certain piece of fabric,” Logan shot back. 

“Don’t at me when you fall into a helpless puddle whenever Virgil wears a beanie,” Roman countered. 

“He looks -- he looks--”

“Really damn cute, I know! I get it, but you still fall apart so don’t pretend I’m the only useless one here!” 

“I just told you I rejected one of his -- invites -- and you think I’m put together? Bitch, please.” 

They stared at each other, almost breathless, almost huffing. Then they cracked, lips twitching up into twin smiles as laughter bubbled. 

“Ahhh,” Roman said, falling further into a reclined position. “Patton promised to make me a pink cake tomorrow.” 

“Don’t drink in that position,” Logan said. He shifted. “Pink cake? As in, the cake, or the frosting?” 

“White frosting, pink cake,” Roman said. 

“Sounds insufferably adorable,” Logan said. He picked at his travel mug, flipping the top open and closed, open and closed. 

“He really is adorable,” Roman said, sighing happily. “If I ask him to make the cute little roses, do you think he’ll say yes? Because then I can watch his concentrated face, his nose scrunches up, and sometimes his tongue sticks out between his teeth, and you can see his dimples so easily.” 

“I would put money on it,” Logan said. He frowned. “I don’t think Virgil enjoys my presence as much anymore. He looked so upset when I spoke.” 

“Because you said no, you stupid bitch,” Roman said. 

Logan rolled his eyes. “You think using harsh words will wake me up to something. It won’t work, because I don’t need waking up to anything.” 

“You need to wake up and see how much Virgil loooooves you,” Roman said, squishing his own cheeks to make a face at Logan. 

“You’re the insufferable one,” Logan said. “He does not.” 

“Does too!” Roman protested. “I have proof!” 

“Oh, do tell,” Logan said, with the air of someone who’d won three steps before. 

“Okay,” Roman said. He sat up; time to get serious. “Okay. So you know how Virgil is emotionally stunted?” 

“Rude, but continue.” 

“So he doesn’t know how to express love the same way Patton and I do -- Patton by telling you he loves you and me telling me how irritating you are, naturally -- and I think it’s because being in the other’s messed with him,” Roman said. 

Logan furrowed his eyebrows. “I asked for proof, not for you to psychoanalyse him.” 

“Okay, okay, fine,” Roman said. “He loves hanging out with you because he always has that little smile whenever you’re around, he literally frosted a cookie with blue and black plaid, caught me looking, and stuffed the whole thing in his face,” Roman said, ticking off with his fingers. “He always seems to know when you’re in the room, and hangs out with you all the time just sitting on the couch.” 

“That is very enjoyable,” Logan murmured. His fingers were warm around the travel mug. 

“Dude, I vote you go for it,” Roman said. 

“You know why I don’t,” Logan said. 

“Yeah,” Roman said. He knew. They made a pact about it, actually. No unnecessary pushing. Even if Roman thought it was very necessary. 

“Also, please tell me you heard Patton rambling about the Princess and the Frog,” Logan said. 

“Oh did I!” Roman said, loud as ever. “I almost proposed to him on the spot. Can sides get married?”

“Hell if I know,” Logan said. He took an obnoxious sip of his drink. 

“Bitch what!” Roman said. He threw his arms in the air. “You’re supposed to know everything, you logical god!” 

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Fine. Marriage is utterly impossible between the sides because it requires an ordained priest, of which none of us are.” 

“Fuck you, I can get married if I want to,” Roman said, leaning back against the couch. 

“Case and point,” Logan said. 

“Also, why can’t you become ordained?” Roman said. 

“You need a street address and I, Logan Sanders, have no address,” Logan said. He frowned. “Unfortunately.” 

“I knew you’d already tried,” Roman said. He laughed. “Let’s get Thomas ordained. Stick that in his brain during dreamland.” 

“This isn’t Inception,” Logan said. 

“Did you just make a movie reference?” Roman said. He sat forward, absolute delight shining in his voice. 

“Of course not,” Logan said. 

“Don’t lie,” Roman said. “That’s just inviting trouble.” 

“Deceit’s name is not trouble,” Logan said, distaste clear in his voice. “Besides, that’s all besides the point. You’re not going to jump straight to marriage because you’re a romantic and want to milk all relationships from every milestone.” 

“All my relationships?” Roman made a few disbelieving noises. “You make it sound like I’ve had one!” 

“Technically, you’re the hub of Thomas’s romantic feelings and therefore feel romantically attracted to his partners.” 

“Well, kinda,” Roman said. He swished his mug, watching the liquid within swirl around. “Patton shares it because he’s like, all emotion.” 

Logan thought for one, two, three moments. “How absolutely disgusting.” 

“I know, we’ve ranted so many times about how wonderful his ex’s were when they were dating,” Roman groaned. 

“It’s like sugar squared,” Logan said. He shivered. “Gross.” 

“Don’t gross me, you’re the one who literally wrote a pros and cons list to dating Virgil and your cons were he would know me and three question marks,” Roman said. “That’s gross.” 

“That’s practical,” Logan said, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. 

“You’re -- practical -- wait,” Roman laughed. “Wait, let me try again.” 

“Too late, no takesie backsies -- that is how the phrase goes, yes?” 

“Don’t be cute with me.” 

“Impossible. I’m never cute.” 

“Virgil would beg to differ--”

“How would you know what Virgil thinks? Also, this conversation seems to be targeting me a little too much. How about the time Patton slipped and you caught him? You’ve never looked redder.” 

“Stoooop,” Roman whined. “He looked so happy, okay! Also I caught him, that’s like, ultimate prince behavior.” 

“Is it prince behavior to stutter and leave the situation ten seconds later?” Logan hummed. 

“Do not come at me like that, oh my god,” Roman said. “This is a very targeted conversation, I thought we were talking tea.” 

“Alright,” Logan said. He settled in. “Where were we?” 

“Well, I was thinking about--” Roman continued talking, his voice soft and pliant. Logan interjected every so often with his own comments, the two of them catching up on all the actions of Virgil or Patton, with splashes of Deceit and Remus interspersed in. 

Ten feet away, sitting on the stairs, blocked by the wall, sat Patton and Virgil. 

They clung to one another's hands, eyes wide and faces darker than Roman’s sash. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #309

“show me how to lie - you’re getting better all the time  /  and turning all against one is an art that’s hard to teach.”

Have you ever played Jackbox Games? If so, which ones of their party games are your favorites? No, but I looooove watching Mark and The Boys play them on charity streams. They can make up the funniest shit. I can't recall the name of the specific one I'm thinking of... but I enjoy watching most of them. I do think one or two are boring, though. Do you have artistic friends? If so, have you got their artwork displayed? I have some very talented friends, but I don't have anything of theirs displayed somewhere. Have you ever considered pole dancing? Why/why not? No. It takes an incredible amount of strength, plus confidence I don't have. That and I'm just not into it. What's the last thing you fixed yourself? Uhhhhhhh bitch I couldn't tell ya. Are there any CDs you've held onto for sentimental reasons? No. Did you read the Barbie magazines with comics made with the actual dolls? "I didn’t know that was a real thing." <<<< Me either. What's the last thing you knitted? I've never knitted before. Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') She was the first person who joined my RP mob back in the Animal Planet forum days. Why do you take surveys? Be honest. Boredom, distraction, and sometimes I just wanna ramble about whatever. Does mail get delivered to your door or do you have a mailbox outside? Our mailbox is by the side of the road at the end of our driveway. Your doorbell rings out of the blue. What's your reaction? Let Mom answer it. I don't answer the door ever if I don't expect someone or can peek outside and don't recognize them. Are all the lamps in your home LED or other energy saving lights? I don't know. Do you prefer writing by hand or typing? Typing. I can't write very long at all before my carpal tunnel flares up. Think of one of the biggest decisions you've had to make in your life...If you made a different choice, how different would your life be now? I'd be dead, that simple. Have you ever taken a course on CPR? No. What makes you laugh most effortlessly? You can guess it pretty easily. What makes you cry most effortlessly? I make it a rule that I "can't" listen to "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White because there hasn't been even ONE occasion where it hasn't made me cry, even when I was stupid enough to binge it because it's just a good song. I've broken that "rule" before because I do just genuinely enjoy the song, but I know the pain truly isn't worth it, so I haven't heard it in a decently long time. What is the best smell in the whole world? Cinnamon rolls, probably. My body wash is currently that kind of smell, and Jesus Christ it's the best part of showering. Do you wear a watch? No. Can you tell time from an analog clock? Yes. What a time it'll be when kids can't anymore... Is there a number or a combination of numbers that feels important to you? Only dates, but not numbers themselves. What is the most socially awkward thing you've done? *gestures at my life as a whole* Is your computer decorated in any way? No. If your old class was to have a reunion, would you attend it? No. No. I don't want to relive my high school experience; it would be too painful for me to willingly walk into. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? I would say "the breakup," but technically it was letting him basically own me and my every neuron of joy. Not by his will of course, but my own. I was stupid and just... handed those rights over without really realizing it. I can harp forever and ever and EVER about the importance of making sure you own yourself and your emotions. Do you ever donate money to charity? If so, which charity and why? Blah blah blah, I don't get an income, you know this. Whenever I do, I 100% plan on donating to every charity stream Mark ever hosts again, as well as some other people's. I'd love to donate to a lot of places. Would you ever want to get married? If so, why? Yes, because society has made it too instilled in me that it's just like... this ultimate validation of "forever" with your partner, even though I know you can be just as or even far more invested in your relationship without marriage. The only *true* benefit of marriage imo is for legal and financial reasons, but yeah, I still want it. Like I said, it's too deeply embedded in that brain of mine that it's a relationship goal. Why do you live the way you do? I'm not even living the way I want to, so... Have you ever abused an animal? No, and I say "fuck you" with every ounce of sincerity and loathing if you have. Do you think animals are less important than humans? If so, why? Nope. We share this earth and grew from the same roots, so what *really* makes us better? We might be smarter (generally) and more developed as the apex predator, but that does not equate to being more important than, say, even a gnat. That creature has the exact same level of rights to be here as the human species does. I could go on and on and on about this topic. How close was the last person close to you who has died? Not extremely, but she was still important to and loved by me. Grandma and I were very, very different and butted heads more than once, but her love was unconditional, and she showed boundless kindness to others. She showed a courage I see as unmatched in the face of death. I truly, deeply, in the very core of my heart hope she is at peace and experiencing all joys she ever wished for. How does death in general make you feel? Well, it depends on how I'm looking at it. I fully accept it is an inevitable phase in simply existing that none of us will ever evade, so it's not exactly terrifying to me, though of course I don't want it anytime soon. If I'm thinking about people I love dying, I definitely get sad about it and scared of that possibly eternal separation. Is there a person you absolutely loathe? If so, why do you loathe them? Not that I know personally, no. Has anyone ever told you that you're rude? If so, what caused it? No; I think I'm very mannerly, honestly. Have you ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen therapists since I started middle school. I advocate for everyone to have one, honestly, whether you have a mental illness or not. Have you ever been homeless? In technical terms, yes, but a friend let me stay with her until Mom and I settled into a new place. Have you ever been completely broke? That's the actual story of my life. Well, not me personally considering I've never had to take care of myself financially, but my mom struggles very, very badly with this, and mind you, she's frugal. Just disgustingly underpaid when she worked, and her current status with disability isn't exactly incredibly generous. I live under her roof, so. Have you ever had a steady job? No. Have you ever needed a loan? If so, what for? Have you paid it back? Yes, for school, and no. I do NOT want to know how in debt I am with schools. Have you ever wanted to go to space? Not seriously, no. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen or heard? I am 99.99% sure mine and Jason's old roommates were having some ~kinky~ sex once while I was alone on the couch against their bedroom. Preeeetty sure the girl was making meowing sounds. They were furries (who I want to emphasize have zero judgment from me; I actually think they're very brave and creative), so that was... something I definitely wasn't used to hearing, haha. What has been the most exciting moment of your life thus far? Probably when Mark N O T I C E D me on Tumblr by reblogging a gif I made of him and his pupper, and I LITERALLY struggled to sleep for three days lmfaoooo. How many birds can you name just by looking at them? Uhhhh a pretty decent amount, I'd say. Which birds are most common around your neighborhood? Crows, sparrows, cardinals and bluejays if you're lucky, robins... pretty basic stuff like that. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Octopi are absolutely fascinating with their intelligence. How do you reset your head to zero, so to speak? Take a nap. That usually works. Have you ever gone exploring an abandoned building? Yeah, I love that shit and really wish I could do it more. Bring my camera, too. Are there any foreign television shows you enjoy watching? Some animes. Do you have any clocks in your house that chime when the hour changes? Do those types of clocks annoy you? No. I actually quite like them, though. Has anyone ever let you borrow some of their music, promising you'd love it, but you really didn't? Did you lie to the person and agree, or tell the truth, that you hated it? My dad lent me his Shinedown CD once clearly without thinking I could just look up the album online, haha... He's an old clueless man, leave 'im be. But anyway, of course I listened to it for him and I enjoyed it; I especially loved "The Human Radio," "Kill Your Conscience" and "Pyro." Have you had the same doctor pretty much your whole life, or have you went to a bunch of different ones over the years? Have you ever been to the doctor thinking something was horribly wrong with you, but it turned out to be something minor? Mine has changed a few times, but I haven't had "a bunch." As for the second question, not to my recollection. Is the background on your phone a default picture, or a picture you took? What is the picture of? The lock screen is a pastel-styled list of mental health reminders: "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough." My home screen has been some adorable meerkat pups for a while, which I didn't take. What is your favorite type of print (ex: zebra, stripes, argyle)? Do you have a lot of things with this print on it? Ummmm maybe plaid? No. Are there any stores you feel uncomfortable going into (ex: if you dress girly, do you feel uncomfortable going into Hot Topic)? Are there any stores that you refuse, or just never go in to? The only situation I could think of would be a sex shop. That'd be so fuckin uncomfortable. What is your favorite brand of clothing? Is this a brand that is sort of expensive, or is it pretty affordable? I'm heavily biased towards Cloak, haha. I just support anything and everything Mark takes part it, and it's his and jacksepticeye's business. I have one shirt and it's genuinely great quality and reall comfy. I wouldn't call its products expensive, but they're not cheap, either. What person do you text the most? My mom or Sara, depending on the day. Do you have any pictures that always make you laugh, or cry? Are they digital pictures, or printed pictures? What is the significance? No. Not pictures I have anymore, at least. Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin? Omg I would never. I hate the flavor of any sort of pumpkin food. Does your car have a name? I don't have my own car, but Mom jokingly calls hers "Olivia." Who was the last person you made plans with? One of my sister's in-laws that's actually the mother of one of my closest friends contacted me to plan some family pictures. What is the rudest thing someone has done recently towards you? I can't think of anything recent. How do you feel about your hair right now? It needs to be trimmed and dyed. How fast have you driven a car? I think accidentally leaning towards 80 on a highway. When you're hanging out with friends + you become bored, do you just leave or endure the boredom? Given I can't leave without a car, I deal with it. What did you last plug into your computer? What were you doing with this? The charger for obvious reasons. What color(s) have you dyed your hair? Red, purple, black, then red, purple, and lighter brown highlights. I really wish I could dye it more and actually have the color stick... Was your first kiss perfect? It was to me. What song did you hear last? I have "Over The Mountain" by Ozzy on now. (: Does anyone have any blackmail on you? No. Have you ever walked into the guys' bathroom? HA, once during a teacher work day (my mom was an assistant) at my elementary school. My sisters and friends went in there to be little "rebels." I remember being mega confused with urinals, haha. Then as a teen and adult, I've been in the dance studio's boy's restroom as well as a church's to help Mom clean. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My therapist. Are you shy? I am VERY shy. Are you talkative? Generally, no, but when I'm in a very good mood, I tend to be. Has your most recent ex ever seen you cry? Oh jeez, she saw me wail once. When was the last time you were called "cute"? I'm not sure. Would you rather be called "hot", "cute" or "beautiful"? "Beautiful." Do you have a little sister? Yep. Definitely not "little" anymore, though. About to have her Master's in social work... How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed? Given our childhood, we've fought a lot, but mostly just as kids over very, very stupid things. As adults, we've had a serious argument once or twice and then just some very minor disagreements sprinkled in there. Do you know anyone who's been arrested? Oh yes. What're you planning on doing after this? Another survey. What time did you go to sleep last night? Damn, it wasn't even 8:00. I was EXHAUSTED and actually slept decently for once in my life. Do you like waking up to good morning texts in the morning? I mean, I'd think most people would. It's a sweet, easy way of someone showing they care and think about you. Have you left some things unsaid with a certain person? Yeah. What was the last thing that made you happy? We had syrup to add to my breakfast, haha. I don't know if these are a thing everywhere, but I looove what we just call "pancakes on a stick," which is like a corndog, but with sausage and pancake batter. Dipping it in syrup is amaaaaaaziiiiiiing. Do you like the smell of rain? I don't love it, but it's refreshing sometimes. It's mostly just associated with a bittersweet memory, so it can be triggering to smell. I know, that sounds immensely stupid. What was the last thing you took a picture of? A very, very relatable meme to show Sara, haha. She doesn't have a Facebook, so that'll do. When you go to McDonald's, what drink do you usually get? I always get a Coke. What’s the nickname of your home state? Tar Heel State, from discovering tar in the since aptly-named Tar River. Have you ever thought about your wedding? I mean duh. What’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? Hot and humid, ugh. Especially right after a summer afternoon thunderstorm. It's unbearable. You can't fucking breathe outside, and you set one foot out of the door and it's soaked. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither? Neither. Would you rather read or write? Write. When was the last time someone took a picture of you? The time Misty visited last month and we were taking family pictures. Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? I wouldn't pay for either or even willingly go to one or the other, but if I had to go for whatever reason, Carrie. She has a beautiful voice as well as a good handful of songs I actually like. I'm not a Taylor fan; there are only like, two old songs by her I enjoy. When someone screws you over, do you get back with revenge? No. I may not be the best at adulting, but damn, I'm not that bad. Name something negative that you hate about yourself? I overthink like a motherfucker. About everything. Is there a dead end road near where you live? I live on one. Huh, that's actually been the case three times... wow. Four if you count the apartment. Who are you tired of seeing in the news a lot (celebrities)? I don't care. I don't even pay attention to the news, other than Covid updates. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Name something positive you love about yourself: I care a lot about people. Can you smell anything right now? No, besides however my house naturally smells that I'm numb to. Have you spoken to a relative on the phone today? No. How does alcohol affect you? I flush in my face very obviously, and I become more outgoing and talkative. Have you ever eaten tofu and if so, did you enjoy it? I've never tried it, but I very much doubt I'd enjoy it. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. What colour is your toothpaste? Blue and white. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Have you ever inhaled helium? Once, I believe. Are you a fan of Adam Sandler? Yeah, I think he's pretty funny and a talented actor. What was the last fruit you ate? An apple. A candied apple for Valentine's Day, but still an apple, haha. Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? With Sara's family, yeah. It was fine. Have you watched a movie this week? I haven't watched a movie in many months. Have you set an alarm today? Yeah, just to ensure I was up for group therapy today. Have you asked someone for advice today? No. What was the last website you were on, other than this one? YouTube. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but it'd be cool. Well, thinking about the humidity... Have you watched more than an hour of TV today? No; I haven't watched television in a long time. Do you keep magazines by your toilet? No. The last time you got dressed up, where did you go? I got my makeup done and put on a dress for a Halloween "witch" shoot with my friend and some other people. The pictures pretty much don't exist because they're blurry as shit and way too dark because we left too late. I don't know why we even left the house to do it by the time everyone figured their shit out. I was really disappointed because I thought Summer made me look really, really pretty. ;_; Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize? Yes, but I don't know if he really meant it. He might have just wanted me off his back, but I kinda feel now that he meant it, at least regarding how it happened. Are you proud of who you are? Only in the sense that I think I have a good heart. Otherwise, no. I've accomplished so little. Have you ever been to Costco? We don't have those here, so no. Do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? No, thank Christ. Only in middle school. How many video games do you own? A whole lot. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)? No. Have you ever visited a sex shop? No. How many sets of keys do you have for your house? One. Do you give spare keys to your place to your friends and family? Our landlord/family friend has one. Then obviously my sisters do, too. Have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? Oh hell no. Do you use Instagram? How often do you post there? Yes, two for each of my photography "styles." I don't post a lot myself, but I react to stuff. When was the last time you high-fived someone? I believe the last time I was at my sister's and my nephew caught a Pokemon on his first throw in Pokemon GO. He and his sister LOVE that game; that's the first thing they ask to do when I come over, haha. Their dad doesn't like it because it's "evil" (which he finds most things, really...), and it's something I could roll my eyes into the back of my head about, but I still have to respect his parenting and ask if they can play it first. He let's 'em, just not long. He also took away the Pikachu plushy I gave Aubree because it's her favorite one. :^) Guess who doesn't fuckin like him lmao. Do you like writing? How often do you write? I love writing! I don't do it very much nowadays except through surveys, though. RP is kinda on pause, so surveys is really how I just get stuff out, even if it isn't creative. Are there any posters or artworks hanging in your living room? Artwork and family photos, yes. What's your favourite place to get pizza? I'm a basic bitch that loves her some Domino's. How many times have you been to the beach? Quite a few times. We live only like two hours away, and considering Myrtle Beach is a common dance competition location, we've been a couple handfuls of instances. Has there ever been a fire inside your house? Tell me the story. No. After we moved out of my childhood house though that we actually owned, the fucking idiots who were moving in completely roasted it to pitch by setting boxes on the goddamn stove and accidentally turning it on. The house had to be entirely rebuilt. My parents were livid considering it was THEIR house. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? No. What was the best school project you remember doing? I actually really enjoyed the huge essay I did on toxic masculinity the last time I tried college. I've always been very firm about letting men be humans and not emotionless robots, but I learned a lot more while researching and writing. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus is #1. I've beaten it at least 30 times, maybe even 40+; it's been too long since I've seen the save files. It's a relatively short game (you can beat it in less than like, four hours if you know what you're doing) and just very relaxing yet simultaneously absolutely epic to me. God, I want a PS4 to play the remaster, like beyond words. It looks incredible, and I want to try to get white Agro. Have you ever petted a cow, a sheep, or a pig? A pig, yes. I love pigs.

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Thirty-Five, “The Associate”

*NEW* Check out the new character survey I filled out from Becky’s POV here!

*NEW* Take a look at the new character survey I filled out from Harry’s POV here!  

All chapters can be found here!

Inspo tag can be found here!

Spotify playlist *new* can be listened to here!

P.S. - Hi! Thanks so much for reading! I wanted to let you know I go back to work this week after months of being off due to COVID. I’m ahead on chapters right now by like 1-2, luckily, and I’ve been loooooving writing again for the last couple of months. I hope to find time after work and on weekends to still write. If I happen to not be able to post a chapter every week still, I’ll let you know and it may just be less frequent is all :-) Just an FYI. Also, this is my new favorite chapter of this story I’m SO excited for what’s happening!!!!!!

                                     SNEAKYYYYYYYY PEEK 

“Harry,” I mumble aloud, words and thoughts racing around in my head. They steal the words from my mouth, and the moisture from my throat. Exhaling slowly, my fingers wrap around the bigger box, a long rectangular shape. It’s heavy in my hands, and the paper is smooth, the flower shapes embossed into it. Brushing a tear away from the tip of my nose, I set it down on my lap, fingering the edge of paper on the side. I wonder if Harry wrapped these, and if he did, he didn’t do too shabby of a job, I wonder silently. A shock of dark purple catches my eye, and I see the card lying at the bottom of the box, but I ignore it for now. You’re last, because I know you’ll make me cry the most, I tell it. The paper rips quickly between my fingers, but keeps its secret hidden until I tear the paper again, in one long sweep.

Song Inspo: Be Kind by Halsey x Marshmello (click to listen)

                           PART 3: THE ASSOCIATE

             “But if these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out, is in.”

— Junot Diaz

The floor to ceiling windows leave much to the imagination as I stroll past their clouded glass, sure of the fat snowflakes falling behind them. Bringing the mug to my lips, I’m warmed when the coffee passes them. My rings make clinking noises against the yellow ceramic as my shoes pound on the tiling. Looking up, I hurry past the shining doors that begin to close. Exhaling, I press a finger to the number of the floor I seek, adjusting the strap of the bag across my chest. 

“Oh hey,” I mumble once my eyes scan the company I keep on the lift. They hardly nod their head at me as they scroll through pages on their phone. “So um . . I reckon she’s graduated by now, an’ has tha Bar exam comin’ up. Has she mentioned how it went if she’s taken it already?” I inquire excitedly, leaning against the railing and subsequently crossing my legs out in front of me. 

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” Asher retorts, not even lifting his head to look at me. 

“Ashe,-” I begin, but he doesn’t let me get any further with my sentence, finally forgetting his phone. 

“I’m done being your little messenger bird, Harry. I was done with it months ago, I don’t know why you couldn’t take a hint when I stopped talking to you last summer,” he spits, malice laced amongst his words. I try to step into his sentence, much like he did to mine, but once again I don’t get the chance. “If you want to know how Becky’s doing, Harry, then bloody ask her yourself. But don’t fucking lead her on again and then just ditch her, she deserves better than that, and I think you know that too. Talk to her! You try and ask her how the Bar went, or if she graduated already. I don’t know what’s stopping you,” he finally finishes, muttering curses under his breath as he steps off the elevator hurriedly. 

“Well fook me,” I mumble before taking a long pull from the rest of my coffee, suddenly wishing it was Irish. 

+

My body bobs up and down after falling on the springy mattress. I’m reminded of those stick-on glow in the dark stars you’d place on your ceiling as a kid. Suddenly, I wish I had some on mine. Instead, I stare up at a plain ivory ceiling, a color I’m not sure how to feel about right now. I almost space out again after staring at the walls of the same color at my work all day long. When my eyes trail to the rest of my bedroom, they’re bombarded with shocks of color all around. From the posters hugging my walls, the blankets on my bed, the framed pictures, and the mess of my desk. With a yawn, I slide off my bed and walk over to it, booting up my laptop. Running a hand over my face, sleep beckons me back to my bed as my typing fills the search bar. 

“Just one more look,” I mumble to myself, silently promising myself I’ll go to bed after this. 

As the page loads, a smile sparks on my lips when I see the framed diploma on the lavender wall above me. It pulls me back to that day last month when I walked the line to receive it. He filled my thoughts then, calling me back to the assignments he helped me with, and how clinicals were more of a breeze due to working with him. The Fleetwood Mac albums I was gifted for Christmas from Robbie sit beside me, all thanks to his contagious taste in music. Somehow, he was there with me for everything, even if he really wasn’t. The first snowfall this winter, the first anniversary of my dad’s diagnosis, the day of my recent Bar Exam, and anytime I saw something that reminded me of him. That perhaps was the easiest way he appeared in my thoughts of all, coming forth from his home in the back of my head to make an appearance. Because for some reason, he keeps reminding me that I am where I am, all thanks to him. 

+

“Skye?” I murmur, lightly knocking my fist against her door. She turns to me with an inquisitive look, brunette eyebrows raising. 

“I need to tell you something, and you can’t be mad at me.”

“When you start a sentence like that, Ree, you’re pretty much guaranteeing that I’ll be mad,” she almost laughs, beckoning me over with a hand, pausing the video she watches on her phone with the other. “Come here, you look like a lost puppy.”

Exhaling slowly, the nerves tickle along my skin as I cross the room. Scooching over, Skye gives me some room to sit down beside her. 

“So you know that I haven’t been able to find a new job since graduation, which was now a month ago,” I begin, eliciting a simple nod from her as she licks a spoon coated in peanut butter. “Well, I just applied for one.”

Her face morphs into one of happiness suddenly, a smile covering her features. “Ree, that’s great! Why would I be mad at you?” Skye beams, a melodic laugh flowing from her lips. Gently, the happiness dissolves from her face to be replaced with confusion. “Wait, why would I be mad at you again?” she asks firmly, cocking her head to the side. It takes her about ten seconds, but once that happens, there’s no going back. The realization unfolds on her face quickly, eyes widening and mouth settling into a firm line. 

“Becky, you did not! You did not apply there! You bloody idiot!” she almost shouts, wagging the spoon of food at me. 

“It was the only open position I’ve come across in months, Skye! You know that I started looking in November when my clinical was wrapping up at Turner and Jones. They didn’t even hire me, Skye, and that’s unheard of! Somehow every firm in London is full of lawyers, and isn’t hiring any new ones! I had to!” I confess, trying to explain myself. Her hard-set jaw tells me that I haven’t fooled her yet, or won her back to be in her good graces again. 

“You didn’t have to, Ree! You’re not going to be happy there, you know that!” 

“So what? It’ll be experience on my resume then!” I object, trying to knit together a reasoning for my decision. 

“Who bloody cares about your resume, Ree?! You know what you’re doing walking in there, again! You can’t go back to work for him, you know that! Are you bloody stupid applying to work at Harry’s firm?” she explodes, face sewn together with anger and disgust. It almost breaks my heart, but lately it takes more than that to hurt me. 

“No, don’t! Let me explain. I know I have a good shot at getting the job. One, I’ve worked there before and as long as it went well, most places will jump to hire somebody who’s familiar and they had before. Two, I know how stuff works there. Sure it may have changed in the last two years. But I know their filing system, their database, and I sat in on enough fricken consults to know how they work. So I know their process and how they run things with cases. I even know their bleeding copier, Skye. Three, I know that they pay their employees fucking good, and I need that now instead of what the admin job gives me. Four, my experience probably trumps any other candidate who is going in there fresh-faced from uni. I worked there already, and I work at the freaking courts! And five, I won’t let him get to me, Skye. I need this job more than I need him, I wouldn’t have already filled out the application if I couldn’t accept that. I’m over him.”

“Oh bloody hell, Ree, you already filled out the app,” Skye sighs, dropping her head into her hand. She runs her fingers through her blue and purple hair, a long groan leaving her lips. She lifts her head to look over at me with honesty painting her features. “And what if you walk back into his fucking firm, and suddenly, you’re not over him anymore?”

“I don’t know, I’ll figure it out once I get there. Or if I even get there, if I’m hired,” I confess, exasperated by her interrogation. 

“Ree, for all we know he’s still dating that girl. You know that’s going to kill you having to see it firsthand, even more than with Amber,” she coos, reaching a hand out to massage my knee. 

“I know, but I just- I have this feeling, Skye. Maybe it’ll work,” I whisper, dropping my eyes to play with the ring on my pointer finger. 

“And if it doesn’t?”

“Then I quit and find a different job. I’ve already quit a job there before, it can’t be too hard to do it again,” I divulge with a huff. 

“I just don’t want you to put yourself through hell working for him again, Ree, you don’t need that a second time.”

“I know. Trust me, I know,” I agree with a spiteful laugh, trying to hide my emotions, but I’ve never been good at doing that with Skye. Or Harry, which makes me doubt this one hundred times more. 

What the fuck am I doing?

+

Mindlessly, I watch as tornadoes form in the murky brown liquid after I remove the spoon with a clanking sound. With a random deep breath, they whirl around in the mug before my eyes, and collapse into nothingness. 

“No luck yet?” somebody asks, stirring my attention. Looking up, I find Sophie shooting me a smile as she pours steaming water in a mug. “With the job prospects?”

“Um, no,” I answer automatically, my sure-fire answer as of recent. “Well, actually I applied for one last night, but I’m not sure how to feel about it.”

“How come?” she inquires, taking a seat at the oval table across from me, jigging a tea bag up and down in the scalding water. 

“It’s at the firm I worked at before, which didn’t end too well on my side,” I reveal, avoiding her prying gaze as I bring the hot coffee to my lips. 

“Oh,” she says suddenly, dropping the tea bag into the water, the string hanging limply over the side. “It’s been a few years, maybe it’ll be a new beginning for you. Don’t worry too much, love. I’ll give you the best bloody recommendation you’ll ever hear when they call,” she almost giggles, patting me on the back before leaving the room. 

A smile sits atop my lips at her words, but I don’t let it sink in, because I’ve been conflicted about my decision ever since I made it. What happens if I get the job and Harry’s still with her? Can I handle watching him love another girl again? No, I know that I can’t. 

“What the fuck?” I mutter under my breath, standing to my feet and soon dumping the caffeinated contents of my mug down the drain. Shaking my head with gritted teeth, I wash it out before setting it in the rack to dry. 

Returning to my desk, I wake my desktop up as I try not to die of boredom from staring at the same four walls for the rest of my day. 

+

“Are you still mad at me?” I ask promptly after disposing of my slushy boots, closing the apartment door behind me. 

“Am I still mad at you for making a decision that you’re going to regret? Yes, I am,” she replies coldly, the fridge door closing behind her before she wanders to the sofa. 

Groaning, I drop my purse on the kitchen island before waddling to the bathroom with a full bladder.

“Your phone is ringing!” she screams down the hall a second later as the toilet flushes below me. Swinging open the door, I dash down the hallway in my socks, almost losing my footing once I arrive in the kitchen. Yanking my phone from my open purse, I find an unfamiliar number staring back at me. But when I see that it’s from London, I don’t waste a second dragging my thumb across the touchscreen. 

“Hello?” I answer, trying to compose myself as I escape to my bedroom, closing the door behind me quietly. 

“Hi, is this Rebecca Holte?” a voice replies, sending my heart into my stomach. I don’t know whether it’s because of the fact that it’s not his voice, or that it’s one that I recognize. And one that I associate with him. 

“Yes, this is she.”

“Hi, Becky, this is Myles from Styles and Lawson. It’s been a while since I spoke to you last, how are you doing these days?” the voice responds with a smile in his words, quickly bringing one to my lips. 

“Myles, hi! I’ve been good thanks, I just finished up uni for my LLB. How have you been? I hope everything at the firm is going well.”

“I heard, that’s great. Good for you, Becky. I’ve been good, thanks for asking, I got engaged recently so that was pretty great. And the firm is doing rather well, thank you. We all miss you here, and I see you’ve applied for the open associate position. I’d love to have you in for an interview. When are you free a morning this week?” Myles says, sending jolts to my sensitive heart with his words. I almost lose it right then and there, but I compose myself and hurry over to my calendar above my desk. 

“Congratulations, Myles, that’s so exciting! Yes, that would be great. Let’s see, I’m free on Thursday morning, I don’t have anything until ten,” I respond, floating over to my bed where I take a seat, jiggling my knee impatiently. 

“Thank you, I’m excited. Alright, Thursday it is then. How does a nine am interview sound to you? You still know where to find us?” 

“Yes, of course, and nine am sounds great. Is there anything you’d like me to bring for the interview just so I know?” I inquire, soon finding myself nibbling at my fingernail. Rolling my eyes at my nervous self, my hand falls to my lap. 

“No, I don’t think so, I believe your application has everything, but thanks. I’ll see you in a few days then, Becky. I’m looking forward to it. Have a great rest of your evening,” he finishes, heartfelt honesty showing through in his words. 

“Thanks, Myles. I’ll see you Thursday, and you as well.”

I fall back onto my bed with a squeal of excitement, thoughts whizzing through my head as a seemingly permanent grin covers my face. It only wavers a tad when his face pops into my thoughts, because I knew I couldn’t avoid it. I can’t avoid him, especially not now with my interview in a few days. 

I’m not really sure what to think of that, or of any of this for that matter. 

+

The next few days only made me grow more nervous and unearthed old memories of him I didn’t know I hid away. Inside jokes I forgot that we had sprang up, as well as the few times I beat him in cribbage, all the times he beat me in Scrabble, the casual hugs that we didn’t even think about, and what he said at my going away party. That memory hurt me the most, finding the irony in it and trying to figure out what it means now. He said that he wanted me to go back into law, because he knew I’d do great things, but what will he think when he sees me walk in that door for the interview? Will Harry be happy to see me? 

When Thursday morning rolled around, I felt like I was going to throw up into my oatmeal, unsure if breakfast really is the most important meal of the day.

“Why are you staring at like it’s going to grow legs and walk away?” Skye questions, arriving on the other side of the island, leaning her crossed arms against the counter. 

“I thought you weren’t talking to me, because you’re mad that I applied for a job at Harry’s firm,” I grumble, listening to the disgusting sound the oatmeal makes as I stir my spoon around in it. 

“Well, I wasn’t talking to you because I was mad at you, but something changed.”

“What’s that?” I sigh, getting to my feet and walking around her. I pop open the trash bin’s lid by pressing on the pedal, and I shovel the oatmeal into the bin. 

“This,” she announces gently, patting my arm until I turn to look at her. I only catch a glimpse of what sits on her phone’s screen, before closing my eyes. 

“I don’t want to see his Instagram, Skye. What the fuck?” I exclaim, giving her a dirty look. Scoffing, I rinse out the bowl and set it in the dishwasher. 

“You mean you haven’t looked at it in the last six months?” she questions in disbelief. 

“No not that I’ll admit to. Why the fuck would I want to do that and see pictures of how happy he looks with his new girlfriend?” I retort, slamming down the handle to the tap, then drying off my hands.

“Because it’s safe to look now, Ree. He doesn’t have any pictures of her on there anymore.”

“What?” I blurt, spinning around fast and quickly cursing my slippery white booties. 

“You heard me,” she smiles, holding out her phone for me, but I don’t bite. Not yet. “It looks like they broke up, who knows how long ago. There’s no evidence they even dated on his profile.”

If the oatmeal had made its way past my lips and to my stomach, I’m positive it would’ve came back up by now. A peculiar response to the jittery happiness coating my body in buckets. Hastily, I yank it from her hands and slide my thumb up the screen. Goddammit, she’s right, I realize as I search his feed, not a picture of her in sight. 

“Oh my God, this is so mean of me to say, but this makes me so happy,” I squeal, pressing the back of my fist against my beaming lips. 

“I thought it would, and I couldn’t think of a better pick me up before your interview today.”

The buzz of elation and disbelief coursing through my body takes precedence over the feeling of her arms coming around me from behind. She presses a loud smooch to my cheek, giggling as she watches me freak out while holding her phone.

“Well, are you going to say something more? Like a ‘thank you,’ ‘I’m going to jump his bones when I see him’, or ‘this is the best news ever’,” she chuckles, pulling away to come to stand across from me. “Ree,” she urges, pushing at my chest as I continue to stare at the screen in silent astonishment. 

“Holy shit,” I whisper, dragging out the last syllable much like somebody I know. “I can’t believe it, and I wouldn’t if I heard it anywhere else, because there’s no way I was touching his Instagram, well when sober,” I chuckle, soon my words falling into a content sigh as I browse the pictures of him. His pictures. 

“You can look later, missy, it’s almost quarter after eight. You better get going if you don’t want to be late.”

“Right right, I should go and finish getting ready,” I agree, nodding along to our words. 

“Go kill ‘em, Ree, and show him what he’s been missing. You can look at the pics later, but you can go and ogle him all you want right now. Cheers, babe,” Skye grins, giving me the quickest hug in the world before leaving out the door with a wave. 

“Oh boy, here we go,” I mumble, exhaling before turning down the hall to my bedroom. “See you in less than an hour, Harry.”

+

Even the lifts smell the same, like expensive carpeting and some cheap air freshener you hang in your car. Luckily, the familiarity relaxes me and keeps me on my feet when I get off onto 17. All of the nerves and worries buzzing inside of me are almost let loose when I scan the floor in surprise. Immediately, my heart plummets at the disappearance of my desk and the remodel. There’s a short hallway by the lifts still, but to my left there’s a lobby with a front desk where none other than Amelia sits. Large gold letters behind her spell out the firm’s name on the wall. Again, I’m surprised. 

“Oh hi, Becky!” she almost shouts when I walk up to the dark coal granite desk, pulling her shock of red hair away from her desktop. 

“Hi, Amelia. It’s great to see you again. How are you?” I answer, my fists probably growing white due to how hard I’m holding the straps of my most professional looking purse. 

“I’m doing lovely, thanks. How are you? I hear you have an interview for the open job!”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m here for. I’m a few minutes early, but I’ve heard that doesn’t hurt,” I share, curling my toes within my black heels. 

“No, you’ll be alright, love. It’s better to be early than late. If you just want to have a seat and I’ll let Myles know you’re here. Good luck, Becky!” she smiles, her golden heart necklace jiggling above her freckled cleavage. 

“Thanks,” I respond, turning around to find the new addition of seating across from the desk. 

Trying and failing to breathe deeply, I pick a chair at random. The brown cushion is lumpy and scratchy under the thin fabric of my black dress skirt. Setting my purse down, I take a look around. When it’s safe to, I adjust the berry red chiffon scoop neck blouse underneath, trying to pull it up further. I don’t get long to debate fastening the button of the matching black blazer over my waist, because I hear my name. Sitting up erect, I find Myles walking towards me. 

“Hey, it’s great to see you, Becky,” he chirps, holding out a hand as I stand to my feet. “How are you, love?”

“Thanks for seeing me, Myles, it’s good to see you too. I’m fine, thanks, and how are you?” I respond cheerily, grabbing onto his hand and returning his firm handshake. 

“Just fine, thank you. If you’ll follow me, we’ll take a walk back to my office, although I’m sure you remember how to get there.” 

“Yes,” I confirm, nodding. Anxious breaths leave my lips as my heels click and clack as I follow behind him, down the hallway branching to the side. The hallway, the one I couldn’t forget if I ever tried. I look around, trying to act normal and curious, but the only thing I’m curious about is where he is. And why he’s not here. Did something happen? Is it only Myles interviewing me today? But that wouldn’t make sense, if they’re partners and own the firm together. 

My questions are whisked under the rug when Myles opens the door for me, inviting me into his spacious office I barely recognize. It’s hard to remember what it looked like when I’d only stepped foot in it once or twice, but the area itself is much like Harry’s. More bookshelves and framed pictures occupy his office compared to Harry’s though, or what his office looked like two years ago. It’s close to Harry’s, if only turned to the left a touch, and instead the tall windows are to the right of his desk. Standing in his doorway, his long desk faces me. 

“Have a seat, please. Make yourself comfortable, there’s nothing to be nervous about here,” he insists warmly, closing the frosted glass door without a sound. I wish that was easier said than done as I choose one of the seats in front of his glass desk. Swallowing, I gather my shoulder-length curls to fall over the front of my shoulders. 

“Thank you,” I respond softly, habitually checking for the diamond on my silver necklace, finding it sitting below the hollow of my throat. 

“I don’t think you were ever in my office much,” he says lightheartedly, sandy blonde eyebrows quirking into a question above his sky blue eyes. 

“I was just thinking that, and I don’t think I have. Maybe on one or two occasions,” I think aloud, our soft laughs mixing together as he unbuttons the lone button on his gunmetal gray suit. 

“Yeah, figures. So thoughts on the remodel?”

“Oh, I really like it. It looks very nice.”

“Thank you, it was long overdue. We did it last summer, took us a bit,” he answers, settling into his high-backed black chair, an iMac sitting to his right. My eyes crawl over his unfamiliar desk, and as if my heart wasn’t thrashing around in my chest as it is, it takes a leap. The sight of the second chair to his left is only just registering in my head when I hear rushed footsteps come to a stop in the hallway, and the door opens. 

“‘m sorry ‘m late, tha copier was actin’ up. We really need t’ jus’ buy a new one,” a voice blurts out, closing the door behind them.

The knots coiling my insides together tighten at the sound of his voice, but a second later they relax after having waited so long to hear it. I knew it was coming. My eyes briefly lift to Myles to see him shake his head, carding a hand through his hair. 

“Yeah, I don’t think either of us are surprised,” Myles snickers, dropping his hand to meet my eyes. In them, he holds a revealing look accented by a smile. Almost like he knows what I’m thinking. “Harry, I think you know our applicant.”

A deep breath hardly settles into my lungs as I turn my body to face the door. As if a smile wasn’t finding its way to my lips already, observing the one that paints his in seconds is contagious. 

“Becks!” Harry exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air and almost dropping the stack of papers he holds in one ringed hand. “My’ why didn’t ya tell me she was interviewin’? C’mere, love, ‘s been so long,” he insists ardently, wrinkles forming in his glossy black blazer when he holds his arms out for me. 

“Well, didn’t want you to be biased, now did we?” Myles jokes from behind me as I get to my feet. 

“I wouldn’t have been biased,” Harry scoffs, his face falling into a look of disbelief. 

“Hi, Harry,” I mumble, grinning as I walk into his arms. 

“Hi, bug. Long time no see,” he hums softly in his molasses-like drawl. I feel the first moments of relief when his long arms surround me and draw me into his chest. Something I’ve waited ages for, if only seven months. “I so woulda been biased, we both know I was lyin’.”

“Oh, I know,” I giggle against his collarbone, trying not to lose myself in his layers of black clothes, and the smell of vanilla covering him. “How’ve you been?”

“Good, much betta now that yer here. Blimey, yer our nine o’clock interview. Me li’l lawyer Becks, look at you,” Harry coos, pulling away far too soon to my liking to look me in the eyes. I hope that mine look just ten percent as sparkly as his do, I think as his hands cup my shoulders. My knees soon feel wobbly at the sight in front of me, one I so dearly missed. The deep dimples. Crinkly eyes. Bubblegum lips. A light dusting of stubble along his cheeks. Glistening greens. Reddening cheeks. The longer curls that still only fall to his ears. That smile he has just for me. 

“Yep, that’s me,” I suffice with a nervous laugh. 

“And I’m Myles, so shall we get this interview rolling?” Myles pipes up sarcastically, the click of his pen finishing his words. 

“So proud o’ you y’know, ya’ll do great,” Harry whispers to me and only me, squeezing my arm before leaving my side. 

“Thanks so much,” I mumble in return, catching his wink of an eye at me. 

“So now that my colleague is finally here,” Myles begins emphatically, earning a laugh from the three of us. Smoothing down the back of my skirt, I return to my seat, sure I could win a tomato look-alike contest right about now with my blushing cheeks. “Should we get started?”

Harry croons a reply as he falls into the chair beside Myles, adjusting his all-black attire. Suddenly, the pressure in the room has increased tenfold, and I find it hard to keep my hands still in my lap. I’m positive they can see my rapid pulse and galloping heart beneath my skin, but Myles is too occupied by Harry annoying him. I hold back a laugh as Myles gives Harry a dirty look, finally getting him to sit still. Myles soon returns his soft stare back to mine, and so does Harry who gives me a confused look, flitting between Myles and me with shrugging shoulders. It’s like he’s saying what did I do wrong?

“Well, I’ll start by saying we were very impressed with your application, Becky.”

“Thank you,” I reply, asserting my gaze to Myles. One, because he’s the person talking. Two, I know I couldn’t keep it together if I was looking at Harry. I already feel weak all over from seeing him, and from that hug. Goddammit, his hugs never fail to do that. 

“I woulda been even mo’ impressed if ya hadn’t hid tha bloody name when we went ova it, My’,” Harry tsks with a shake of his head curly head, but Myles ignores him. 

“I see you graduated recently with your LLB, and top of your class even,” Myles continues, flipping through my stapled application. It didn’t take me an hour to fill it out for nothing. 

“Yes I did, the middle of last month, December,” I comment, failing to hold back a smile when I glance Harry mouthing ‘good job’ with his hand-shaped into the perfect sign. 

“Congratulations, that’s very impressive, especially after returning to uni after a few years off,” Myles adds. “I even see that you did rather well on your Bar Exam here, and that’s not an easy exam to pass.”

“Yeah, it isn’t. I’m glad my studying paid off,” I explain, earning a nod from Myles as Harry reads over his shoulder. He soon lifts his head to wink at me, silently clapping his hands towards me. Oh, Harry. 

It’s a wonder I don’t fudge up on any answers throughout the next twenty minutes with Harry over there teasing me. I only feel the hints of relief when I’m sitting in my car later, my head on the steering wheel. My thoughts are consumed by that hug and the smile he was wearing all for me. It stayed on his face all throughout Myles’ questions and his own for me, ones that were much less intimidating with those grinning lips. It even remained until the end when I shook their hands, feeling his linger for a few seconds, but then again so did mine. His words rang in my mind as I walked to the lift, thinking over my answers and my presence, but unable to think about much else besides the two men saying I’d hear from them in the next few days regardless. 

Now, for the waiting game, the one I’m not very good at. I’m even worse at it when it has anything to do with Harry. 

+

“My’, we hafta hire her,” I announce suddenly, seconds after I can no longer hear the noise of her departing heels. The sound does nothing for the adrenaline coursing through my veins, leaving my body simultaneously jittery and exhausted.

“We still have interviews for the rest of the day, Harry. Bloody eight of them,” Myles responds coldly, disagreeing with me as he writes something down on the printed copy of her application. 

“Myles, y’know she’s gonna be tha best one. She knows how everythin’-.”

“No, I don’t know that until we interview the rest, Harry,” he retorts, returning to his writing with a perturbed frown. His name jumps from my lips in an argument, but he stops me there. “I know, Harry . . I know what you’re saying, but I can’t just tell these people to go home. We’re the only firm hiring in town from what I hear.”

“Y’know I won’t like ‘em one bit. I can’t afta Becks was jus’ here and tha bloody great job she did interviewin’,” I mutter, crossing my arms over my chest, trying not to think about how wonderful it felt to have her between them. How natural it left, like home. The surprise that took the breath from me at the sight of her sitting in that chair to be interviewed by us. Just how much I fucking missed her all these months. Lastly, the way she somehow looked even more beautiful after going without seeing her for seven months.

Fuck. 

“I know, and I want to hire her too, but wrap it up, Harry. We have another one that’ll be here any minute.”

“Ya, whateva,” I reply curtly, swinging my chair around to look past him and peer down at London. I’m consumed by the question of which car is hers down there driving among the skyscrapers, or if she’s still in the lift. Once again, too far away for me. 

Too far is just out of arm’s reach. 

I don’t even get a chance to lose myself in my thoughts of how gorgeous she looked without even having to try, how her hair has grown longer with her adorable waves, the happiness that washed over her face when she turned to look at me, and the fountain of regrets that filled me at the sight of her. 

Regrets I want to rectify, and ones I know that I should have a long time ago. 

+

“Ya, really?” I rasp softly, brow touching the sky as my face widens in disbelief. 

“Yeah, go do it then,” Myles agrees, shooing me away with his hand and a pleased grin. 

“Are ya gonna say it?” 

“No.”

“My’,” I tease with a giggle, backing up towards the door, feet itching to reach my office.

“Hare,” he says firmly, meeting my eyes. A laugh sings from my lips as I look at him, smiling. “Fine, you were right.”

“I told ya, ‘m always right. Y’know ya won’t regret this, ‘s gonna be great. She’s gonna be great,” I smirk, pointing a finger at him before turning around to saunter down the hallway. 

“Hare?” he calls after me. I respond by twirling around to face him, clapping my hands together happily. “I reckon it goes without saying that she’ll be your mentee then?” he says, sending the question into the air, and somehow I only grow more excited at it. I wasn’t sure if that was possible. 

“Well ya, dunno why yer askin’,” I smirk, rubbing my hands together dramatically while biting my smiling lips. I actually manage to get a laugh out of him, but it quickly fades as he toys with something on his desk. 

“Are you gonna be able to handle being that close to her again?” he inquires softly, not meeting my eyes. “I know how you still feel about her, Harry,” with that confession he returns his eyes to mine, more words held in them. 

“Ya . .  I promised meself ‘m not gonna fook it up this time,” I announce softly, feeling the weight of the words on my tongue, and in my heart. 

“Hare, you better not fuck this up again. You know the universe doesn’t throw second chances at people so obviously like this.”

“I know, My, and ‘m not gonna waste it,” I deliver to him and the air, feeling the promise bind together immediately. I just hope I can keep it, this time. I have to.

+

The buzzing in my pocket is incessant as I twist the key in the lock. It takes too long after I struggled with shaking hands to slide it in correctly. First, I had it upside down, and then I dropped my ring of keys. Groaning, after I turn on a light, I fling my phone onto the sofa. A determination drives me as my feet pound through the apartment, the last thing I’m able to do right now is to retell the story to Skye. 

I can’t wait any longer. Flinging the door open to my bedroom, I step over forgotten dresses, trousers, and blouses scattering my floor. I toe off my heels to add to the mix, feeling the same taste of that sweet relief when my hand touches my closet door. Quick breaths flow out of me as I rip it open, eyes scanning the shelves and hangers full of clothes. 

“Come on, come on, where are you?!” I mumble aloud, pushing sheets of clothes to the side. 

Tossing papers, fallen shirts, old cards, and balls of yarn from my knitting phase aside, I happen upon a patch of brown. But when I free it from the confines of the junk that litters my closet, my heart sinks at its unfamiliar appearance. Huffing, I shove it back onto that shelf, peering at the shelf above it on my tippy toes. I can’t remember the last time I rearranged in here, and at that realization, figurative cement lines my gut quickly. I’m two seconds away from giving up as my hands brush along the top shelf, only feeling books and magazines, but then I feel something. 

An other worldly sigh drops from my lips when I pull down the heavy box, it falling into my arms. A sneeze flies from my nose at the layer of dust coating the top of the cardboard that I brush away. The anticipation has replaced the unpleasant feeling in my gut, and now my heart beats even faster, and harder. I sink to the floor right there, folding my knees under myself as I still sit in the smooth tight clothes from my interview which became work clothes. Setting it down in front of me, the box slides from my hands. With trembling fingers, I pry apart the flaps of cardboard woven together. Slowly, the floral lavender wrapping paper appears before my eyes, and that’s when the tears arrive. 

“Harry,” I mumble aloud, words and thoughts racing around in my head. They steal the words from my mouth, and the moisture from my throat. 

Exhaling slowly, my fingers wrap around the bigger box, a long rectangular shape. It’s heavy in my hands, and the paper is smooth, the flower shapes embossed into it. Brushing a tear away from the tip of my nose, I set it down on my lap, fingering the edge of paper on the side. I wonder if Harry wrapped these, and if he did, he didn’t do too shabby of a job, I wonder silently. A shock of dark purple catches my eye, and I see the card lying at the bottom of the box, but I ignore it for now. You’re last, because I know you’ll make me cry the most, I tell it. 

The paper rips quickly between my fingers, but keeps its secret hidden until I tear the paper again, in one long sweep. A shiny black box meets my eyes, but I’m guessing it’s the back as I find words and small pictures. Flipping it over, I peel back a shred of the wrapping paper, sad to destroy the beautiful flowers. The sadness is met with a bittersweet happiness when the image on the front of the box graces my eyes, sending my hand to my mouth as a sob leaves it. 

“Oh, Harry,” I cry, pressing my lips into a line as the cry washes over my body. “You didn’t.”

But he did, and I can’t believe my eyes as the Yamaha PSSA50 37-Mini-Keyboard sits in my hands. A mini keyboard for the piano nerd that I am, and always have been. He remembered, of course he did. The tears only fall faster and my body shakes harder when I peel back the paper on the smallest present, a violet Moleskine journal with a purple gel pen clipped to the top. They come harder when I peel back the wrapping paper on the last little rectangular shaped gift, the first season of FRIENDS on DVD. Then they fall all over the card, once I convinced myself to stop holding the three presents to my chest, ugly cries leaving my lips. 

With tears scattering the front of the already opened card, I finally open it and see his messy handwriting covering the inside. 

June 12th

To my Becks, 

Happy Birthday, bug!!!! I know we haven’t talked much lately and I apologize for that. Life has been crazy for the both of us, I think would be safe to say. Alright let me think of all of the insults to call you old that I can think of since you love to do it for me. 26 though I remember being that age. It was shortly before I met you I think. I reckon you’ll enjoy being 26 and truly I hope it’s everything you want it to be. It’s the year you become a lawyer woohoo! I can’t wait to hear all about it I’m so proud of you for going back to uni and finishing up. I already know you’ll be a fantastic lawyer. Really. I remember you said once that you and your brother spend your birthday together and you have some sort of tradition that I can’t recall. I hope you had fun together. Anyways I hope you enjoy the presents and that you use them. I don’t need to explain the keyboard I don’t think, but I hope you can get back into piano with it - just have fun with it. I can’t believe I found a purple one :) The journal I should explain - it’s for you to write songs in. Well the DVD set doesn’t need much of an explanation either but we’ll have to watch it together soon. I miss watching FRIENDS with you already, you make me love Phoebe even more with that sweet laugh of yours. I know 25 was a rough year for you with a new job, uni, and your dad’s cancer so I truly hope that 26 is far better. It’s meant a lot to me that we’ve reconnected over the last several months and I hope it has for you too. I’m really happy that your dad is okay now and the cancer is gone. When things get less crazy we’ll do that lunch I promised, and you know that I keep my promises. We need to catch up so you can tell me all about your plans for big 26! Like have you been assigned a site for your clinicals in the fall yet to dip your toes into the lawyer life? Have you scheduled your Bar exam? Where’s your dream job at? Are you having fun buying fancy lawyer outfits, like you know I do? I still need to figure out what your favorite episode of FRIENDS is... I caught on telly the beach house one the other night and it made me think of you. Oh have you seen that clip where Phoebe gets caught in a sweater she tries to put on? I had tears in my eyes crying from that one the other day, Becks! Anyways I’m running out of room here but I want you to know I’m thinking of you on your birthday and that I wish you a wonderful one. I hope 26 is the best year yet and we’ll have to celebrate with drinks soon. Text me when you’re free for drinks yeah? I’m excited to see you and hear how your first day of being 26 was. Happy Birthday, bug! 

Harry xxxxx

As if my heart doesn’t already feel like it’s going to burst from my chest, it receives a scare when I hear my phone ringing from the living room. I start to ignore it as the guilt and happiness form a cocktail in my heart, but when I listen closer, I realize it’s not the ringtone I have for Skye. Groaning, the card drops from my hands as I dash down the hall until I locate my phone in the pile of blankets. The weakness in my legs returns when I see who’s calling. 

Harry (work) 

“Hello?” I answer, feeling short of breath for so many ungodly reasons. Clearing my throat, I hope that my voice doesn’t sound weird to him. By weird, I mean that I had just been crying. 

“Hey, Becks. ‘s Harry. How’re ya doin’, love?” he croons, pulling my lips into a smile that was hiding there. I feel it cover my face as his voice fills my insides. 

“I’m doing well, thanks. I just got home from work.”

“Ah, quite tha busy day fer you, how was it?” his question trickles into my ears as I sink to the floor again, pulling the lavender keyboard onto my lap. 

“It was good. How was your day, Harry?” I reply, pressing the ‘on’ button and adjusting the volume to a low setting. 

“Long,” he chuckles with a dreary sigh. “Interviews all day long, some yesterday and tha day befo’, they’re not very much fun.”

“I can imagine. I don’t think they are for anybody,” I agree aloud, shouldering my phone and settling both hands on the keys. If I could, I’d blame it on being a girl, but the emotions bubbling up inside of me bring tears to my eyes as I play a quiet song. Instead, I blame it on him - his alive voice in my ear, and all of the words that his gift of this piano says, and the others. All of the words that I doubted and tried to hate him for not saying, when all along he did. All along, he still cared. I don’t know now how I could have ever doubted him. 

“Ya okay, love? Frog in yer throat?”

“Yeah, something like that. I’m just playing my keyboard you got me, I love it so much,” I reply, willing the tears from my voice, but leaving the emotions there to seep through. 

“Ah, ya don’ know how happy I am t’ hear that, Becks. ‘m so happy yer playin’ again. I hope maybe I can hear sumthin’ on it one o’ these days.”

“Me too, and yes I’ll have to play you something sometime,” I echo him, running my fingers over all of the buttons for different sounds, recording, beats, etc. “I uh wanted to thank you again for it, and the other birthday presents. They were so thoughtful and sweet of you, they were perfect.”

“Aw, yer sweet, love. Yer welcome, ‘m really happy t’ hear yer still enjoyin’ em,” he responds, the molasses in his voice intensifying, followed by a pause. “Sorry, I should get t’ why I rang,” he titters from my shoulder and my laugh follows his. 

“It’s okay, it’s nice to talk to you like this.” 

“Thanks, but ya might get sick o’ me soon, coz I wanted t’ let y’know that ya got tha associate position, bug,” he coos in my ear, the smile leaking from his voice, letting me know it’s there without seeing it. 

“What?! No way!” I exclaim excitedly, losing my fingers in my hair in disbelief. “Harry, t-thank you so much!” I continue, setting the keyboard down to get to my feet. With wide eyes and a smile plastered across my face, it trickles to the rest of my body where I pump my fist in the air. I almost feel like dancing. 

“Yes, really, love. Ya got tha job- I mean ‘m not gonna lie, ya had it from tha second ya walked in tha door. Couldn’t find a betta candidate than you, Becks,” Harry hums, causing the feeling in my legs to liquify, suddenly making me feel like Jello all over. “And um, you’ll be my mentee then, and ‘ll be yer mentor fer prolly tha first few years, I reckon. Sumtimes if ‘m outta town fer a case far way, or t’ change it up if there’s a good case sumwhere else, ya may work with Myles or Rose. Ya can learn loads from ‘em. Otherwise, you’ll be with me e’ry day workin’ with me on me cases and learnin’ from me. I mean, as long as yer alright bein’ with me,” Harry murmurs as I pace around my bedroom, soon falling to sit on my bed, because at the sound of his voice I can’t stand anymore. Not after those words can I stay standing. My head falls into my hands where I can feel the smile against my palms, my legs jiggling excitedly under my arms. 

This can’t be real, can it? I got the job, and I get to work with him!

And he’s single again, remember that! 

Yes, demon, I know. But wait, you’re actually right this time. You’re right?! Yes, he is single and I got the job, shadowing under him! Holy shit! Holy shit! 

Time to jump his bones, Becky. 

You may be right again. 

Don’t fuck it up again, girl. Get him alr-

“‘s that okay, Becks, you workin’ with me?” 

“Yeah,” I begin with warm cheeks as the giddiness overcomes me. “Hmmm, I don’t know, I think I might like working with Myles better,” I tease, keeping my voice even. 

“Oh, um that’s okay too, I guess,” Harry sighs, the happiness in his voice going from eighty to ten real quickly. “I can ask My’, ‘m sure he wouldn’t-.”

“Harry, I’m just giving you a hard time. I’d love to work under you, i-it’d be a dream,” I respond adamantly. 

Yeah, I’m sure there’s a lot of things you’d like to do that involve being under him, Becky. 

Oh my god, shut up! I can’t deal with you right now. I can’t mess this up! 

“Fook, Becks, ya gave me a fright there. Ya almost broke me li’l heart,” Harry whines but soon his dramatics end with his song-like laugh. It’s still as contagious as ever, bringing one to my lips. “Ya’d love t’ work with me, and it’d be a dream? Wow, I betta watch me ego, yer not helpin’ it.”

I savor hearing his melodic laugh in my ears, unsure of the last time I heard it, and so certain of how it easily starts to knit together all of the broken pieces inside of me. One by one. I feel a pang when I remember back to June and the nightmare I went through after seeing his picture, but I try to push it away. I try to not remember how it made me feel, and sometimes how I couldn’t get out of bed, or look at a picture of him without crying. 

Okay, this is the angel speaking. Stop beating yourself up and thinking about that time. Because things are getting so good right now, I can’t even believe it myself!

I mean, she’s right, the demon says. 

“Yeah, a dream,” I decide to say, interrupting my nostalgia from hell. 

“Seems we have that in common. Always wanted t’ teach ya more ‘bout law when ya were me P.A. and ‘m glad now that I get t’. ‘s kinda hard t’ believe yer a full grown lawyer now, my li’l Becks,” Harry coos, his voice taking on the pitch of one you’d use when talking to children, but I enjoy it. I melt at the sound of it. 

“Yep, I’m all grown up and ready to hit the courts!” 

“Right, ya are. Um, I was hopin’ t’ start sum orientation with ya soon. I reckon yer still workin’ at tha courts on tha west side o’ town. I was hopin’ t’ do a full day, but we can divvy it up between a few if that works betta. Jus’ lemme know what ya can do and I can make it work. Lemme grab sumthin’ t’ write on here,” he explains, humming a tune as I hear noises from his side like drawers opening and clattering of pens. 

“Yeah, of course and thanks for being so flexible. Let me look at my work schedule,” I reply, getting to my feet and crossing the room to my desk. Taking a seat, I also grab a pad of paper and a pen to have ready. Lifting my head, I narrow my eyes at the schedule I have hanging above my desk. “Okay, so I’ll let my boss Sophie know in the morning that my last day will be in two weeks. I am five days a week there, but I could do like eight to ten for a few days in the morning? I’m sorry, that’s kind of all I have right now for the next two weeks, but I can talk to my boss. Does that work for you, Harry?”

“Thanks, Becks, but I don’ wanna stretch ya too thin with two jobs goin’ on. We can always wait until . . what’s two week from monday? Mmmm, I see ‘s tha twenty-eighth, we can wait ‘til then, I don’t mind. I was jus’ wonderin’, ‘m sorry I shouldn’t have asked fer ya t’ come in any earlier,” he responds gently, eager embarrassment coating his words. 

“No, it’s okay, Harry. I’ll see if my boss has any ideas when I see her tomorrow and I’ll get back to you, okay?” 

“Ya, that sounds great. No rush, tho’. Everything will be fine if we wait ‘til tha twenty-eighth. It may not even take as long since ya know loads o’ tha protocols here already. But yeah, please don’t worry ‘bout it, Becks. We can wait two weeks,” he assures me, and I swear the happy buzzing inside of me only grows louder and impatient. 

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, ‘m sure, Becks.”

“Thank you. Is there anything you need me to do or like send in in the meantime?” I wonder aloud, jotting down a few things on the to-do list notepad I grabbed. These include telling Sophie about the new job, and starting at the firm on the 28th. I can hardly believe the words I’m writing. 

“Erm, I think I jus’ need a copy o’ yer driver’s license fer identification, and uh a copy o’ yer LLB and law license. But ya can jus’ email me scans o’ those. Otherwise, everythin’ else was in yer application, I think. I guess if ya don’ have enuff suits ya could buy sum o’ those in tha next two weeks,” he replies with a giggle. 

“Sounds good. Thanks, Harry. I’ll get right on those.”

“Yer welcome, Becks. ‘ll uh let ya go then. ‘m gonna head out anyways, go and have a bloody drink afta t’day, ugh,” he sighs. “So, I have it down as you startin’ on tha twenty-eighth. But we have eachotha’s numbas so if sumthin’ changes or ya have any questions jus’ lemme know. Do ya have any right now, love?” 

“No, you answered them or covered them already, but thank you,” I respond, dropping the pen and scratching at the back of my neck. My cheeks are starting to hurt from all of this smiling, but I don’t think I ever want it to stop. Or for his voice to stop. “Wait, I have a little question. How about after my orientation, we get those drinks and lunch- well dinner we forgot about this summer?” 

“Ya, ‘d love that, Becks. ‘s about time we did it, and now we can celebrate yer new associate job at tha firm! No betta reason t’, I reckon. Well, ‘ll let ya go, yer prolly starvin’ too,” he says, a laugh adorning his words, and finding its way into my heart. Again. “‘m lookin’ forward t’ havin’ ya back here with us, Becks. I really am. And ‘m excited t’ have ya workin’ with me ‘gain, I hope ya won’t get too sick o’ me. Don’ worry, it’ll be betta this time, I promise.”

Shaking my head, I try to steady my breaths with a deep inhale. It does little to calm the dancing of my heart and the jitters coursing through my body. I swear my mantra is and always will be that he doesn’t know what he does to me, he truly doesn’t. 

“I’m really excited to come back to the firm to work with you again too, Harry. Thank you so much for the opportunity, and please tell Myles that as well. I have high hopes for round 2.”

“Me too, bug, it’ll be fun t’ have ya there as a colleague this time ‘round. ‘m excited t’ be yer mentor. Have a good night and take care, Becks. ‘ll talk t’ ya soon,” Harry finishes, that smile in his voice again. I just know it. 

“Bye, Harry.”

I’ll see you soon, but two weeks isn’t soon enough. No, it’s not. I hope it can be sooner, oh God, please. 

[purplesurveys]

816

What have you been up to today? Anything interesting? I decided to be a 14 year old again and watched video clips of my OG, ride or die, absolute favorite OTP this morning and I fangirled like it was 2012 lol. I haven’t revisited that ship in around six or seven years so it was surreal to see their scenes all over again and I was beaming all morning hahaha. Other than that, I do have a meeting in an hour but I find that more blah than interesting... WHYYYYY I volunteered for a shitload of extracurricular positions before this quarantine started, I’ll never know. What was the last thing you ate? My sister had found this bread recipe on YouTube last night and I loooooved what she made, so I asked her to make it again this morning. Do you know how to knit? Who taught you? We were taught in Grade 6 by our home economics teacher, but 1) I wasn’t interested and 2) kinesthetic learning has never been my forte, so I wasn’t able to follow from as early as step 1. What state or territory were you born in? Continued the day after, lol oops. I was born in Manila. Are you the type of person to dwell on the past? Only in such a way that I prefer to hold grudges, so on that front I’m technically perpetually dwelling on the past. I can get over other stuff relatively easily.

Are there many traffic incidents in your area? There’s a usual bottleneck spot three minutes away that gets really bad in the evening when everyone is trying to get home, but the traffic becomes a lot more loose when you get to the part of the highway leading to my village. What's your favourite genre of music? I vibe with R&B and some indie rock the best. Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? No, I think that’s mostly illegal here lol. People usually ride the back of pickup trucks when they’re inside gated areas, but it’s a different story once they get to the highway. Are you currently downloading anything? Nope. I haven’t (illegally) downloaded a book since March-ish, and a movie since...2016, maybe. Have you seen any good movies lately? Tell me about them. Nah I prefer shows these days. The last good one I watched was Descendants of the Sun; it really lives up to the hype and is genuinely one of the better Korean dramas out there. It centers on a special forces captain and doctor and how their lives and respective careers intertwine in a war-stricken country. Does your father have any facial hair? He grows it but he shaves it off regularly. What's your favourite thing to eat for breakfast? Ideally it would be Eggs Benedict, but realistically I really like scrambled eggs, bacon, and fried rice. Did your grandparents teach you anything? My maternal grandpa was one of the smartest people I knew and from the second I was born he loved giving me little facts about every topic that could possibly exist, but especially about history and how things work or are made. My maternal grandma is super traditional and taught me more maternal and old-school stuff like how to be more ladylike, the different benefits of vegetables (like how carrot and squash are good for your eyes haha), and random facts about Christianity – basically stuff you’d expect from an Asian grandma lol. Because I didn’t really grow up with my paternal grandparents and since they’re a lot more reserved to begin with, I haven’t gotten the chance to learn a lot from them.

Do you want/have a Bachelor's degree? I want one and I’m on my way to getting it, but because of Covid the road to graduating has been slower than normal. The college has already decided and we’re only going to have an online graduation which really bums me out, and that’s gonna happen by late July. Have you ever written a song for or about somebody? I’ve never written a song, period. What are the longest and shortest romantic relationships you've been in? I’ve only had two stints and they’ve been with the same person. The shorter one lasted eight months, while the longer and ongoing one has been going on for four years. Would you go on one of those galactic space flights if you had the chance? If it was free, for sure. Do you like your license photo? Yes hahaha. The license people had a laugh once my card got printed out because I had a wide-ass smile on my face (the photographer said it was fine to smile, and he didn’t tell me off when I smiled with my teeth), and apparently that’s not normal at all because people would always choose to look stoic in their licenses. The amusement on their faces was funny to me and we ended up laughing together sksksksk. Are you into superheroes? Who's your favourite? I am not. I watched the Wonder Woman movie two years ago and that was really nice, but I’m generally not into superheroes. Spotify, Pandora or something else entirely? Spotify. The only Pandora we have here is the jewelry shop. What colours do you wear the most? I’d say black or mustard yellow. What was the last alcoholic beverage you had? I had a bottle of peach soju last Friday. How many televisions do you have in your house? How big is the biggest? Four. I dunno the dimensions of the biggest one we have but it’s pretty...big lol Have you ever been to Arizona? Did you like it? I have not. I like Arizona tea though :))) Do you have any exercise equipment in your home? Yeah we have a couple of dumbbells and my mom has a rowing machine thing. Are you a gossip-loving sort of person? Yes. Not the best trait of mine I gotta say, but it is a guilty pleasure. What brand of laptop or computer do you own or use most often? Apple. What did you have for dinner last night? We had some sort of Korean beef with vegetables. How old were you when you learned to tie your own shoelaces? The thing is, this was one of our exams in kindergarten, so I had to learn it to ace that test even though I’ve always been bad when it comes to hands-on learning. My grandma painstakingly taught me when I was five and she had to start teaching me weeeeeeks before the exam to accommodate how slow I am when it comes to lessons like that haha. Have you ever felt like you were making a mistake when dating someone? Certainly felt that way in the latter part of my first relationship. ^ Did you continue the relationship or end it when you realised? I continued it only because I’ve just never been the dumper type when it comes to relationships. I waited several months for her to realize so that she can do the breaking-up, but yeah those were several wasted months for me. When was the last time it rained where you live? Yesterday it rained hard all afternoon. Have you ever bought one of those 'As Seen on TV' products? Nope, but I like watching the commercials heheh. What brand are the shoes you last wore? Onitsuka Tiger. Do you think you look similar to your siblings? I do. You know how Snapchat has a filter that’ll show how you’d hypothetically look if you were the opposite sex? I’ve tried that out and my face just turns into my brother’s lmao, we look that similar I guess. My sister and I also look alike but much less - there are only certain angles where we do. Have you started watching any new TV shows recently? Mmm not yet. I have so many Korean dramas up on my queue – Crash Landing On You, Fight For My Way, Who Are You: School 2015, Legend of the Blue Sea, Itaewon Class, and Fated to Love You – but I take forever to start on any new series so idrk when I’m gonna start on one of these. When was the last time you sat in the back seat of a car? Around two weeks ago when my parents brought me to a nearby hospital to have me checked for my week-long fever. Are you good at answering random general knowledge trivia questions? I’m better than the average person, I’ll give myself that. Have you ever been obsessive over calories, exercise etc? No. What is your favourite shape of pasta? Fettuccine. Do you live to eat, or eat to live? Liiiiiive to eat. Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? Did you like it? Yes, but just briefly and sneakily in my old school because Catholic school wouldn’t have tolerated a game like that haha. I found it funny, but I wouldn’t play it all the time. Are you going to work or school tomorrow? Not these days, chief. When did you wake up today? I was awake by 8:30. What is the time right now? 11:58 AM.

[glitterandmoondustofficial]

Side To Side: Bonus Chapter

Drunk Love

Characters: Ruby, Law Rating: Teen Warnings: Alcohol, Language Notes: I wrote this on a whim. I’ll update the actual chapter at some point. Full Story

~~~~~

Ruby never got drunk. She’s only been drunk once since she stopped partying, and she ended up almost sleeping with Law that night. Tonight, she let loose. No reason in particular, other than she was happy. She drank with Ikkaku, doing shots and eating greasy food. Her boyfriend was on the sub, he stated he wasn’t in a pub mood that night. Ruby thought he was a party pooper, but she loved him all the same. 

In fact…

“Laaaaaaaw,” she stumbled up the steps to the captains quarters. She slipped and fell, giggling the entire time. The door opened and revealed Law with a raised brow. 

“Are you drunk?”

“Oh my god, I love your voice.”

“I’ll take that as a “yes.”” He bent down and picked her up. Her giggles turned into laughter as he carried her into their bedroom. “I’ll set you up in the shower, I’m sure you’re ready for bed.”

“Noooooo,” she slurred. He set her down on the bed and started to take off her heels. He muttered something along the lines of her being a spoiled princess. “Not yet.”

“You’re just going to sit in bed with your clothes on? You’re barely in the bedroom for five minutes before you take off your clothes.”

“IIIII wanna love you.”

“You do, you tell me at least daily. Sit still and let me take off your clothes.”

“Nope.” She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down and on top of her. He sighed and lifted up and leaned over her. He looked barely annoyed and slightly concerned. 

“I’m going to have to get onto Ikkaku for letting you drink this much,” he muttered. 

“I loooooove you.” He sighed and sat up. “Say it back!”

“I love you, you annoyance.”

“You don’t think I’m annoying.”

“You’re being annoying.” 

Ruby sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck again. She gave him a big, wet kiss on his cheek and he groaned. “I love your cheekbones.”

“That’s nice.”

“Aaaand your thick, black hair.” She started to run her fingers through his hair. “And your cute nose. And your fingers and lips and eyes and mrpphh.”

“Ruby,” he chuckled lightly as he covered her mouth with his hand. “I get it.”

“Do you?” She said behind his hand. He pulled his hand away and she breathed out dramatically. She moved her hands from his hair to his face, taking his cheeks in her hands. “I need you to know that I love you so much.”

“I know that you-”

“No.” She squeezed his cheeks. “I could die, Law, and you’d never know.”

“You’re not going to die,” he said firmly. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”

“Okay you could die, and-” she stopped suddenly, frowning deeply. Law’s eyebrows raised on top of his forehead. “I don’t want you to die.”

“I don’t want to either.”

“You promise?”

“Yes, I promise.”

“Good, because I love you.”

“You’ve said that,” he sighed with a smile. “Come on, let’s get you into the shower.”

“No.”

“Oh my god,” he whispered and she hugged him. 

“Hug me.”

“Then will you shower?”

“No.” He groaned and hugged her. “I just love you so much. I want you to know that.”

“I know.” He ran his fingers through her hair. “You’re obnoxious about it.”

Ruby pouted. “You think I’m obnoxious?”

“No,” he sighed. “I’m going to stop talking and put you in the shower.” He picked her up and started to walk towards the bathroom. He set her down and walked to the shower, turning it on. “Take off your clothes.”

“So forward.”

He rolled his eyes and walked over to her. “Lift your arms up.” Ruby did so and he pulled her crop top over her head. He reached for her leather mini skirt and pulled it down along with her thong. Ruby stepped out of it and when Law stood up straight, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “What?”

“Looooove you.”

“Love you, too.” Ruby grinned brightly and leaned in to kiss him. He placed his fingers over her mouth. “Not until you brush your teeth, your breath smells like alcohol.”

“Meanie.”

“I’m terrible, get in the shower.” He opened the shower door for her. She opened her mouth to ask him a very important question. “No, I’ve already showered. You’re more than capable of taking one by yourself. I will be outside, shower and brush your teeth.”

He walked out of the bathroom and Ruby pouted. She (reluctantly) got in and started to wash off, only then realizing how nice the shower was. After sufficiently showering and then brushing her teeth, she walked out of the bathroom in her robe. She had sobered up a little, however she was still fairly drunk. 

“Hooooney,” she whined for Law. 

“Wow, the full word,” Law said flatly from the bed. He was reading a book, his reading glasses on. “What is it?”

“Naked.”

“I usually am in bed. What do you need Ruby?”

“Cuddles.”

“Nope.”

“Eh?!” Ruby started to tear up. 

“Babe, I was joking. Come here. You switched from affection to depression fast.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the bed. He let her curl up in his lap and he patted her butt. Ruby leaned into his neck and brushed her lips against his throat. “Feel better?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” he adjusted them comfortably and stroked her arm. 

“Law?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

“I want to be with you.”

“I would hope so.”

“Forever.”

“Pretty sure that’s what we’ve talked about.”

“So don’t die.”

“I feel like we’re talking in circles.”

“No, in Dressrosa.” Law grew quiet but didn’t stop stroking her arm. “I don’t want you to leave and not come back.”

“I’ll do my best to come home, just for you.”

“Good. I’m lonely without you.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and he groaned uncomfortably. “Mo chuid den tsaol.”

“I assume that’s a fancy way to say that you love me,” he breathed out. “I know, babe. You don’t have to say it.”

“It’s nice to hear,” she pouted again. 

“...okay, yes.” He gently moved her to her side of the bed and started to take off her robe. “It is nice to hear it from you.” He dropped the robe on the ground and pulled the blankets over her naked body. Law leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Get some sleep.”

Ruby tilted her head up and nuzzled his nose. “I love you, Law.” She closed her eyes when he rested his forehead against hers. 

“I know,” he said quietly. Law lifted his hand to her face and cupped her cheek, rubbing her cheekbone with his thumb. “Even drunk off your ass, you’re still attractive.” He leaned down and kissed her lips. “Get some sleep, you’ll be begging me for sleep in the morning.”

He leaned back and laid down. Ruby immediately curled up to his chest, wrapping her arm around him. He chuckled and patted her arm. “I’m gonna cuddle you all night.”

“Looks like I have no say in the matter, either way.” Ruby grinned and rubbed her nose against his chest. Law wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. He turned off the light and sighed out. “Night.”

“Night.”

~~~~~~

“You did this to yourself.” Law lectured Ruby. “You know better than to get drunk.”

“Shut up, butthead.” Ruby grumbled and accepted the ibuprofen he offered her. 

“That’s rude.”

“You’re rude.”

Law rolled his eyes as she laid back down in their bed, curling up and covering herself up with the blanket. “How’s your stomach?”

“Bleck.”

“Do you want ondansetron?” She squinted her eyes in confusion. “Helps your nausea.”

“Yes, please.”

“Alright, I’ll make you some.” He screwed the ibuprofen lid back on the bottle. “Why’d you drink so much? Are you depressed?”

“What? No.”

“Then?”

“‘Cause.” Law huffed and rolled his eyes again. Ruby sighed and covered her nose with the blanket. “I was happy.” She murmured. “I shouldn’t have drank that much.”

“Why were you so happy?”

“Should I not be? Why are you asking me questions? Go get me my tummy meds.” Her eyebrows knitted together in embarrassment. 

“Why are you embarrassed?”

“I’m not, you’re annoying me.”

“No, you’re embarrassed.”

Ruby huffed and pulled the blanket over her head. Law smirked and pulled the blanket back down. She glared up at him. “Fine, jackass. I was happy because I finally realized that I’m safe.”

““Safe?”” He let the blanket fall from his hand. 

“Yes,” she sat up and held her head in her hand. “I stopped drinking because I’d end up in bad and/or unsafe situations. Now, I have people I can trust to be around. I don’t have to be afraid of alcohol anymore. I have nakama to watch over me. I have a doctor who’ll shove ibuprofen in my hands the next morning with a lecture. So, I decided to have a few shots with Ikkaku.”

Law stared at Ruby before closing his eyes. “I see.” He opened his eyes and smirked down at her. ““A few?” You think I’m going to let you off with “a few?””

“It was a few.”

“How many?”

“Eight...that I can remember.”

“Alright,” he sighed. “I’ll go make your meds.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“Did you know you’re an affectionate drunk?”

“Uh, no. I’ve never really had anyone to tell me.” She paused. “Wait, what did I do? Oh my god, I didn’t do anything to a stranger did I?”

“No,” he snorted. “You came home and tripped up the stairs.”

“That’s it?”

“No.” He patted her head. “You were affectionate. You were hanging off me and wouldn’t stop saying “I love you.””

“Oh no.”

“What?”

“I can’t have you thinking that I love you.”

“I’ll keep your secret safe.”

Ruby gave him a weak grin and he leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

“Thanks, hon.”

[whiskynottea]

Whisky watches Common Ground (s04e04)

I loooooved this episode! Thoughts/recap under the cut!

18th Century

- It’s so good to see smart, elusive Jamie back. Heughan was great in the scene between Jamie and Lord Tryon. Also, I love the way Jamie talks about Claire - love, respect, admiration, they are all there, packed in a sentence.

- The scene between Claire and Marsali was amazing. Marsali is adorable and I love that she trusts Claire with her fears. Claire talking about Laoghaire and praising her for Marsali’s upbringing is the Claire I love. 

Also, Claire feeling emotional over leaving Marsali back and thinking about all the moments she’ll miss in Bree’s life is wonderful. She still feels guilty of leaving her and it’s there in every episode because she always talks about Bree. I love Balfe in the scenes about Bree.

Jamie consoles her with a “She had you for twenty years, Sassenach, now it’s my turn” which is sweet but kind of weird in my opinion.

- Jamie, Claire and Ian marking their property!! 

Claire reciting the lyrics, making Jamie want to do “indecent things”  - I’m dead. That was the impulsive Jamie and Claire, giddy with the emotion of making their new home and I loved it!

Ian disrupting them was even better! muahahaha

Did I mention that I love excited Ian?

- The Cherokee who speaks perfect English is kind of perfect in general? Also I’m on the Cherokee side at this point. What the fuck these people are doing in their lands (I know the English say they are their lands, but ugh).

- Roger reading about the Fraser’s Ridge while we watch Jamie, Claire and Ian making a home there was a beautiful scene - GOOSEBUMPS.

- Jamie explaining how he imagines the house is so, so sweet. And making Claire her own room to receive patients! 

Jamie’s wig is much better when his hair is not pulled back. 

Also, the mountain speaks to Jamie, ghosts speak to Claire… Tots normal.

- Claire grabbing the axe to attack/ defend herself - that’s my girl!

- The scene with Ian talking to Claire about knitting: I loved it in the book and I loved it in the show! Wonderful!

- Claire shooting and Jamie giving her advice - heart eyes! However, I’d like this scene to be longer. Jamie talks about the war and then shoots and it all stops there. What’s the point of that scene apart from watching Claire shoot?

- Can we say a huge thank you to Rollo who smells/hears the intruders every time?

Also, I love that Claire has found an assistant in Ian.

- The bear scene. 

Jamie going out in the woods at night to find and kill the bear - ok dude, you know you can’t see shit and can’t actually hunt a bear down, right?

I loved the direction of that scene, changing from Jamie to the Cherokee dance and back to Jamie. I think that Jamie killing a bear was iconic in the book, but since they changed the scene and the bear didn’t attack Jamie and Claire sitting by the fire, Jamie couldn’t actually kill the bear - he would most likely get killed. So I found it more realistic that Jamie killed a man.

- Did I say I love the Cherokee who speaks English? I did. 

Also, the Cherokee kicking the guy out because he forced a woman against her will… YAS, YAS AND YAS. Who’s the savage now?

- Ian getting excited about calling his uncle the “Bear-killer”. THIS LAD WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME.

- I loved the scene between Claire and Adawehi. Claire is the white raven and my heart is full.

- It was beautiful to see them all work together to build the house at the end. (and sweet Jamie wanting to see the sunrise with Claire every morning. Ahhh)

—-

20th century

- Roger is the youngest professor at Oxford University, but somehow the guy who shares his office looks even younger.

- The phone call between Roger and Bree: Sophie and Richard nailed it. 

They wanted to make it last, but it was awkward. They wanted more, but they didn’t know what to say. It was perfect. (but please Roger make a fucking move because Bree is so sweet with you and don’t say goodbye - oh noooo) 

Bree listening about her parents was precious. 

- Can we take a moment to appreciate how wonderful Fiona is?

She really cares for Roger and OMG SHE FOUND THE DEATH NOTICE?

- Roger’s reaction to the death notice - the surprise, the pain, the moment he decides he can’t tell Bree.

When he tries to keep his emotions under control and he can’t - amazing acting by Rankin. 

He says that Brianna will be devastated, but he was devastated too. (Because you love her Rog!)

AND BREE HAS GONE BACK? RUN ROGER RUN! (Gayle is just so good)

Great episode and I can’t wait for the next one!!

[mojput-mypath]

DE-TOXIN’

DOUBTING THOMAS

Since 2013, I have started to use Ayurveda as a means of healing my body. I was in India and it was easy, I could often go for check-ups and the doctor would keep changing my therapy according to need. I had one year in India, so it was a slow, yet useful process for me. I also did sessions of cranio-sacral therapy, advised by my Ayurveda doctor. I also went to see the Ayurveda eye doctor, he told me my eyesight could be improved with treatments and also gave me some mudras I could do to improve not only my eyesight but my body strength as well. I went to the Ayurveda dentist, and he told me my immunity is low, giving me chyawanprash (an immunity-booster paste), and some other powders and pastes I used to rub on my gums with honey or brush my teeth with, saving my then-rotting-tooth for about 6 months. The moment I came to Europe (different food and no more ayurvedic powders), I had to have the tooth pulled out. Ayurveda seemed to look at the body and mind and emotions as a whole, whether it was the dentist or the eye doctor, or general physician.

I have been recommended to do a “Detox” or any form of Panchakarma (ayurvedic treatments). At the time I had little money and no time and felt these are “just some massages”. I had the opportunity to visit friends in the Ayurveda hospital while they were doing the treatments and they did not seem very happy. Later they told me it was good, but you had to keep the recommended food and lifestyle in order to keep the light feeling, so I was not very impressed.

Even though many of you might think of me as: “Well, there’s a true believer”. I am super sceptical and believe things only when I have myself experienced them.

Even then, in 2013, the doctor was telling me to go to the hospital for treatments, but it took me another 5 years before I actually did it. I needed some persuasion. I went to see Ayurveda doctors regularly all these years, taking supplements and following the eating and lifestyle habits as much as I could at the given time. I trusted their advice more and more, as I saw that the more I followed the recommendations, the better I felt.

At a particular moment I was following ALL the advice of the doctors. Yet, I was still unwell. Some things were not getting resolved. The last two years, every time an Ayurveda doctor “checked my pulse”, the reaction was: You must do a Detox. I have already formed an opinion on these “Detoxes” and thought they were just too expensive, in India, as it is far away, including travel expenses, or in Europe where it was far too much for my budget.

I started to think Ayurveda is quite useless, so what should I do? As I came to trust it more and more, I knew that I would probably just do it one day. My doubts were about how expensive it was, whether it was really so useful and is it more like a spa holiday, rather than healing the body. Could it really help?

TOX-IN -> TOX-OUT

I knew I in-toxified quite a lot as a kid, and knowing that toxins are not only chemicals brought in from the outside, but also that the body creates toxins out of stress, mental or emotional. I knew that, if not choosing allopathic medicine, this would have to be it. Five days of “Detox”, here I am.

I will not share all the details here, as it is an experience to have on one’s own, but I will attempt to depict what I felt in a most non-spoiler manner. It started off kind of easy, I had physical sensations for sure, but nothing that I have not already experienced during all the harmful intoxication I did, now many years ago. I went through all of them, and somehow it was not so difficult for me. I took this time to really not do anything, and I took care that others would not involve me in any work discussions.

To be totally honest, I had to hide a little to make the point of people understanding I needed some alone time. It worked! I felt gentle, soft, sensitive, fragile, yet took good care that I don’t bring more stress than needed into the experience. I noticed a few things, how emotions come suddenly and wildly, and disappear in the same speed, like nothing ever happened. I also noticed how my mind was craving for entertainment. How easily we fall into watching TV, listening to music, chatting, without ever giving some rest to the mind. Mind is like a magnet, searching constantly for something to stick on and be amused by, and in the end gets worn out, tired easily.

WEIRD MAGICAL SUPER-HERBS; YAY!

I said not to spoil too much, and I am sure you could Google what is done in Panchakarma (I am guessing what we do here in Germany is just some parts of it), but let me tell you about my own experience. On the first days, you take some herbs. Magical super-herbs that drain all the toxins from your body. I could actually feel them work inside me! How amazing is that? You take a small amount, a mixture of herbs, that pull all the toxins out of your system! How simple! Of course, the doctor decides what exactly to take, what amount, when, for how long, etc. These days I had the time to allow the process to happen in my body and during that time I was allowed, or encouraged to colour pictures, more specifically, mandalas. 

:::Lovely materials:::

In the process, which I absolutely loved, and coloured-in quite a few, revealed for me many insights. I felt how artists must feel when creating. Allowing the creativity to flow while practicing and practising and practising (whether music, or painting or knitting or anything else). I had so much more focus and awareness of the colours, the shapes. I could feel the nuances and allow my fingers to choose the next colour and my eyes to flow to the next area I would colour. I saw nuance and knew contrast. I felt the beauty of doing and doing. Just doing. Not waiting or struggling to finish. I enjoyed every single moment. The little details of working with coloured pencils vs. markers. How they both reacted with paper, and print. How the more you press the colour pencil, the more colour will come out. But the more you press, the more your hand hurts soon after, so you can sometimes use layers, and sometimes press. Colouring was like a dance with myself. Beauty yet undiscovered.

:::Bed exhibition:::

MY BUDDY BODY

Another point that was completely re-discovered for me, was the relationship with my body. The Ayurveda (Ayur-veda: knowledge of life) Detox is made in such a way that treatments are given together with advice or rules of conduct. The entire time you are supervised by therapists as well as the doctor and provided with everything you might need. Yet, to use the rules to your benefit, you must listen very carefully to your body. With surgical precision, or awareness. If you go too much in one direction, you are in trouble. If you indulge your craving, you are in trouble. If you suppress whatever is coming, physical or mental or emotional, you are in trouble. Being in trouble just means it creates a little more discomfort for you, it can be avoided if you really put all your attention on the body.

The doctor gives instructions in every given moment and can help you get out of trouble and explain how things work, but it is about you, you are the only one who can really feel and know your own body. No-Body can know Your-Body better than you. It brings total awareness and complete responsibility. Such a mind-blowing setting, Ayurveda, you rock!

One more thing I could observe during this time is to see and feel and make use of my body as if it were a temple. This we usually mention when talking about sex, and for sure, this attitude should be applied. With food, and what we use on the body as well – yes, my body is as sacred as a temple; How much do I love it, appreciate it, how much care do I have for it? What kind of food do I take? What creams do I use? My body is sacred! I just looooove this God-given-gift! I want to take good care of it. It is my personal temple.

:::The view from my little sanctuary:::

THE AYURVEDA DETOX IS AMAZING

Then there are more things that are included in the detox, but I would not like to spoil anyone’s surprise. I wondered during this time, whether there is any kind of detox program in Western medicine? One that has no harmful side-effects for other than the body system that is being detoxified? Is there a wholesome detox at all? I do use Western-based medicine for short-term solutions, like a blocked nose, migraine pain, blood results, x-ray and similar.  I do trust it with some miraculous modern discoveries, like prosthetics, by-passes, organ-donation-based procedures. But I would not put my entire health in the hands of mostly invasive treatments. I have made use of it, and in many cases it has helped acutely, but not long-term. Too soon to tell yet, and of course, I have been using natural medicine for most of my problems for years to keep them in balance. It is to be seen how it will come out in the long run.

In short, I would recommend the Ayurveda Detox itself, along with all other Ayurveda practices, as non-invasive, individual body-aligned and deeply purifying. I am ever so grateful for the much-needed rest, for the silent observation of my own body, mind and emotions and for the truly spiritually enriching experience it also provides.

I cannot recommend anything I have not experienced myself. In the internet provider shop I used to work, I  would honestly tell people - if they lived in an area where the Internet was crap - that the Internet was crap. People loved my honesty and would often buy the packages just because they felt safe. Definitely true that my experience is my own, and that is only what I can share here.

As per the money issue, I just had a conversation with someone who payed 12,000$ for a three-week detox. That is around 500€ per day, for three weeks! Ayurveda Detox in Bad Antogast is a short 3 or 5 or 7 days program, it is less than 200€ per day (depends also on your accommodation preferences), includes food, treatments, care and all other details mentioned above. My budget must afford it! For the naturalness of the processes, the purity of the products used and the care the staff provides, I now feel it is cheap! Affordable, at the least. This is how much I love my body! This is how much Ayurveda is effective!

I feel like a new-born baby, with all the capabilities and faculties of a healthy and strong grown-woman. Ever so pure again…

:::A little tired still from the process, but undoubtedly calmer and happier:::

[firehananas]

I - Autumn's naps

The ones who can’t play | ~2000 words

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” — Walter Winchell

"That's nothing serious," The doctor promises. "But you'll need to not run nor jump for some times. You can do that, right?" The black haired girl nods. It seems easy in her naïve mind. She wants to heal the faster possible, so she could play with her friends again. And she's ready to say yes to anything (and everything). She hurts her ankle pretty badly when she was playing tag, an hour ago. All tears abandoned her tiny six years old body as one of her classmates runs to found the teacher and, from that, to take her to the infirmary. And now, her leg is trap between a splint. She stands up, walks a bit to see how she can move. She probably looks weird. At least, it's not as painful as she thoughts. She's almost disappointed it's not broken because she could have a plaster cast: everyone would have made nice drawings on it. Oh, well. The doctor said she would have to stay in class at the playtime. She's depressed about it, but didn't argue. She just pouted in a fit of pique to be excluded from her games and friends. What else could she do anyway? Her parents are probably the most irritated and annoyed by the situation in that regard. She could still hear their scolds even now... When the playtime finally comes, she takes some felt-tip pens and a white sheet of paper. The child sight, thinking at this point it would be better to have stayed at home — and just like that, she starts drawing her house. "What are you doing?" Her orange eyes look up. It's a boy from her age — his name is Nikaidou if she remembers well. She knows him; he's in her class, after all. But she wouldn't say they are friends, not even acquaintances. He's just there, in the background of her life. "I'm drawing my house," She answers a bit flatly. "And you?" "Nothing for now. Can I draw with you?" She nods, and he sits quietly on the chair next to her. Minutes go by in the complete silence, save from the screams from the outside et and rubbings of the felt-tip pens. She looks at the clock, apprehending the end of this quiet moment. "Are you done?" She asks. She's curious about what he made. "Almost." He looks very concentrated on his task yet a bit unpleased judging by the frown on his forehead. The girl leans to have a peek on his work: he is doing a house too. Probably his she supposes. "Don't look!! It's not complete!" He screams as he puts his hands on his sheet to hide it. "Sorry!" She straightens herself, looks away before returning to her drawing. She already added the most colors, the most details as possible. There is nothing she could add... except maybe her name at the back. So she does, in her struggling and shaking handwriting.

kOTonE.

It's perfect now! "I'm finished!" Nikaidou beams at her as he moves his drawing to her face. She blinks, a little startled by his brutal swinging mood, before taking it. He takes her in exchange. Both children examine their respective artwork like some art connoisseurs, trying to discover all the details and hidden messages. "Is it your dad?" Kotone asks while pointing to the man with black, spiky hair and a tie bow. "Yes! He's always coming piking me after school." "Uh-uh! Me, it's my mom. If I have been good, she buys me nice snacks before coming back home!"

There is something else that draw her attention: the cars. There is one black, flat car, but it's the other one who intrigues her the most. A red cross is on the top, remembering her an ambulance. Maybe he wants to become a doctor? He seems to have drawn himself inside. "Your mom?" He shows the woman surrounded by pink hearts. "Yes! There is a lot of hearts because I looooove her!" "She looks scary..." "It's because she is! When she screams, even the neighbors can hear her! That's why I dress her as an Oni with a yelling mouth." "Oh, that's made completely sense!" He approves. "Thankfully, she's not always like that. She can be very nice too! Otherwise, I wouldn't like her, tehehe!" His smiles got wider, his legs start kicking the air under his chair with excitement.

"My mother isn't very often at home," Nikaidou comments, "But she is really nice. So is my father! How is yours?"

"My dad... is always tired. All he does at home is sleeping, watching the TV and smoking! He's not really fun. Super boring!" She adds while dramatically rolling her eyes. Suddenly she wonders: "Do you wanna be a doctor?"

"Huh? Not especially, why?"

"Why did you draw an ambulance?"

"Oh," His excitement fades instantly. "It's because I have to go to the hospital. My dad is going to go with me and will drive me back once I'm better." At first, Kotone thinks nothing of it... Until it rings a bell. She remember in the beginning of the year, their teacher have said to the classroom Nikaidou has a medical condition. It’s still pretty vague in her mind, but little girl understands better why he pictured that. Her thoughts quickly leave her mind as she focuses again on the paper. "Your rainbow is neat!" Kotone compliments with a very serious face. "Thank you! I really did my best to not exceed!"

With that, his cheerfulness comes back. They both continue chatting until the next class.

And this is how their friendship starts. For all the following playtime, the two would draw, make puzzles, read stories (or at least, try to) and play with anything they could find worth of interest. Like sticks, a snail she had sneaked on her way to school (she was caught and scold by their teacher. Before leaving, she had to clean the classroom. Even if Nikaidou only watched her slimy friend discovering the table, he helped her, so she could leave sooner.), her collection of Pokémon cards (she was green with envy at his. She has no idea how it's possible to have so many cool cards.), nice rocks where they drew funny faces and gave them silly names...

However, even if these times were precious and amusing, Kotone couldn't help but languish of the outside. Moving, running as she pleases, jumping in the water's puddles...

"To think I was the best at tag," The girl mumbles as she puts her chin on the table. "Being inside is so lame."

Nikaidou eye's raise up to his drawing to her, before turning his gaze away. He looks thoughtful. "Isn't it how you ended up hurting yourself?"

"Uh? Ah, yes. Takashi was after me," She looks straight into his eyes as her face becomes dead serious. "He was getting closer and closer, like a hungry wolf hunting a delicious rabbit. But! I wasn't going to get caught. I was going to use my ultimate technique: the banana strategy!"

"The banana strategy?" Her friend repeats with incredulity.

"Yes! It's my ultimate technique. When someone is running after you, you slow down to make them believe they won — and at the very last moment, you turn around and double faster!! Your trajectory is then just like when you open a banana!"

"Clever!"

"Indeed!" But her proud expression turns into a disgruntled one. "At least, until you fail to notice the small stair between the red and the grey space. And then, BAM!" She screams as she pushes the table, making her chair topples and her with it.

"Nakagawa! Are you okay?" The boy stands up and quickly approaches her.

"No: I am dead." Kotone says dramatically, eyes closed and tongue out. "Ugh."

Nikaidou snorts, making the little girl snaps open her eyes and smiles. She tries to get up, only to let a "Ow!" as a sharp pain jolt her ankle. Without hesitation, the boy reaches out to her and she gladly accepts his help.

"Thanks." Even though her thankfulness is sincere, her eyebrows knit together as she stares her splint. Kotone's cheeks swell: she is disappointed that after three weeks her ankle still hurts.

"This doctor was a dummy! Some times, some times — more like FO-RE-VER!" she screams as she kicks the chair with her good leg.

"Nakagawa! Stop messing around!" The teacher snaps as she comes closer. "What happen?"

Both of the children become awfully quiet, looking the floor as it could turn them invisible. The teacher simply sights, asks them to be quiet as she puts the chair up. Without out, an idea lightens her eyes as she cheerfully proposes to the students: "Hey, what if we made drawings on the class board? You would like that?"

"Yes please!" They cry as oneself.

Once the chalks in hand, doodles full the blackboard before the adult could blink. Too soon for them, they have to clean it as the bell rings the end of the playtime.

Soon enough, Kotone could walk without pain. Days passed has July come in and, with it, the suffocating summer warmth. But do kids care? Absolutely not. If anything, they play even harder until tiredness and thirst knock them out. And Kotone plays, plays in all the games she couldn't during this never-ending half month. Yet, she couldn't help but feeling she is missing something. It's not as fun as before. The girl doesn't understand why, couldn't find the word on this strange feeling. Probably because this is the first time she is experimenting this mixture of emptiness and bitterness.

The balloon flies away, escaping the playground where the children were doing their party of dodgeball. Kotone, already been out, runs toward it as she screams to her classmates: "I've got it!"

But as fast the black haired kid runs, the balloon rolls faster only to stop its course when it meets the wall of the elementary school’s building.

When she picks up with the balloon, her eyes meet Nikaidou’s ones.

He is sitting on the stairs, not quite alone as their teacher is watching him apart, but somehow she could tell he felt lonely. Without thinking much, she comes to him with a bright smile on her face.

"Nikaidou! Come play with us! We're playing dodgeball!"

But as soon she reaches him, a shadow passes on his face. "It's too hot for him," The teacher cuts. "He mights get very sick if he goes with you."

"Uh?" She glares at him, seeking any clues of illness, but he just looks as usual for her. She frowns as he looks away with an annoyed expression. "He doesn't look sick."

"Too much exercise may cause him to faint." The adult explains.

The girl keeps staring with a disgruntled face, her eyebrows narrowing further.

"Well, see you when you feel better!"

It's probably what she would have said if she didn't get a splint. But instead, she stays quiet. She thinks, thinks that she would have been ever more bored if Nikaidou haven't been there. Nobody did reach her — not necessary out of spite, more because of ignorance and brushing it off as not being a big deal. Kotone has come to realize it because not long before, she thought like them. And, more she watches Nikaidou, more it becomes obvious he's dying to join them, twisting his tiny puzzle piece in his hands with a pout.

"I come back." She says in a determined voice.

It's not she didn't want to play anymore. In all honesty, she would have preferred to go back with the other kids. But Nikaidou is her friend, and friends stay with each other in need or joy. Even if it starts with a fortuitous meet, if he's going to bore, at least she'll be bored with him.

As she gets her way back, the boy's face is radiating happiness.

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[oopsabird]

1; & 3, 5, 10 for take my heart &/so much like stars

1. Of the fics you’ve written, which is your  favourite and why?

Of all of my fics, that award I think would have to go to “I have loved the stars too fondly” (my Hamlet fic). Partly because I’m exceptionally pleased with how the prose and story/visuals execution turned out (in the most recent edited edition, which I think was last spruced up in 2016), and partly because since Hamlet is public domain, it technically sits on a sort of par with The Lion King in terms of canon-ness (or at least that’s what I say to boost my own ego lol). Of my WW fics (completed ones), I like “And In The Morning” best - it executes exactly the imagery and mood I intended it to, and I like it so much that I actually frequently forget that the hug it adds to the airfield aftermath scene isn’t actually canon, despite me carrying it over to all my other fics (it happened off-screen and I will take that headcanon to my grave). gambit, that wonderful whumpy collection of historical anachronisms, medical bullshitting, and tropes, is a very close second there, purely because I designed it to be a collection of things I enjoy in fic so of course I love it.

3. Which part of [title] was hardest to write?

take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat: Trying to convey exactly the physical positions and body language I was picturing in my head while maintaining prose and mood was probably the toughest. I tend to picture my fics like films in my head beforehand, complete with camera angles and cuts and mood lighting and a lot of minute physical/action detail, so trying to cram all that information into a sentence that still reads nicely and gets the intended feeling across is my most frequent struggle in writing. This was a fic that to me carried just as much of its mood and angst in things like the touch of a shoulder or the intonation of a word as it did in the prose, so it was tough, but I think I struck a pretty good balance.

so much like stars: I know the answer to this instantly, and you may know it too since I mention it in the end note of the fic: the undressing scene. Like, I basically worship Lindy Hemming for her costume design work in this movie and legitimately think she deserved to at least be nominated for an Oscar for it (product placement: the Wonder Woman Artbook is well worth its $50 price tag for the incredible insight into the crazy amount of craftmanship and work that went into making this movie. Must-have if you are fascinated by film-making and Wonder Woman. Hence why I have it.) All that being said, the (truly excellent) costumes for Sameer and Charlie have an INSANE amount of layers and pieces, and because I am a stickler for prop continuity I took it upon myself to keep track of each and every one. Except for a few I omitted because I knew nobody else is enough of a nerd about this movie to know the difference lol. It was a nightmare of my own making but in the end also a good writing exercise for managing prop pieces in a scene. But still. SO. MANY. JACKETS.

I really do go on in the rest of these answers, so please find them tucked under the cut!

5. Did you make an outline for [title], and if so did you stick to it?

I have what I would call a very ADHD writing technique, in which I will generally impulsively write the scenes I have visualized most clearly first, regardless of their place in the fic; then I spend possibly weeks jumping around and filling in the patches between scenes whenever inspiration strikes, generally working either from a vague “it will go like this overall” plan stored in my brain, or a placeholder in-text like “[they leave the bar and travel home. Charlie falls asleep in the cab]”. I almost always write my openings last, after having built the rest of the fic together bit-by-bit and now needing a way to segue the reader into it. That’s process is basically how I wrote both of these, except these were essentially written as a moment of hyperfocus rather than over a long period of time - each of them developed very quickly from initial idea to publication in a short period because I didn’t do literally anything else during that time (take my heart over a period of 12 hours, so much like stars over a period of three days). The only fic I have that really has a concretely written formal outline is The Big Fic (that mythological creature from my WIP list), and that’s because I’ve spent months actively workshopping the shit out of it and treating the damn thing like a novel (which is probably why finishing it escapes me).

10. What are some facts that readers may not know about [title]?

Ooooooo this is a delightful question, because as you can probably tell from my lengthy author’s notes on AO3, I looooove giving “director’s commentary” and spilling extra-textual info about my fics!

take my heart: 

I don’t like that this is yet another WW fic I’ve done where Diana appears but doesn’t speak, but couldn’t (yet) find a way to give her even a passing line that didn’t feel shoehorned. 

The choice to use present tense was made on a whim.

Though the fic doesn’t actually mention it explicitly (the one that I borrowed my own headcanon from does), the injury Charlie received to his shoulder and was put on leave for is that he “froze up” during their last mission and got shot (it was a graze), fell off his sniper perch and hit his head (a version of this incident is detailed in To Burn And Keep Quiet).

I worry that I write too many fics where Sameer is just a lens for processing Charlie’s trauma and emotional arcs in the text, and want to do more pieces that give Sami other plots and motivations and have him operating as a character more independently from his relationship to and feelings for Charlie.

Originally the idea was going to be Sami saying “I love you” knowing it will be forgotten in the morning, but then when I was writing it I was like “wait, I’ve thought of something worse! how delightful!”.

The “over breakfasts and newspapers” line is intended as a reference to Steve’s in-movie explanation to Diana of what people do when there are no wars to fight.

I decided to have it rain at one point because in the movie when Diana enters the pub with Steve the pavement is shown to be wet so I figure it must have been that kind of day, and also because it was raining all day while I wrote so I was really feeling it.

so much like stars: 

I went to painstaking googling lengths to find a French-language song  for the opening that was both period-accurate and suitable to the mood.

I actually omitted at least one costume piece: Sami wears these absurd-looking knit legwarmer-looking things over his boots and the bottom of his pants (these can be glimpsed in some scenes), and not only do they really look strange with just the suit (less so with all his coats and everything on), but I have no idea what they’re called and was sick of writing costume pieces, so I left them out knowing nobody else is enough of a nerd about it to notice.

I originally wanted to give this fic a fade-to-black/”soft focus” They Done Fucked romantic get-together conclusion (hence the setup with the windowless room, the creaky bed, the washbasin), but as the fic progressed I decided against it because it didn’t feel right for the tone/situation or the fact that that’s not my actual headcanon for how that night would’ve gone (and I was shooting for canon-compliant). An unfinished draft of that alternate ending does exist, but it’s not as of yet in any shape to be shown to anybody. Yet.

I worried while writing (still do, a bit) that this fic wouldn’t be liked/read by other fans because I know that the version of Charlie I have developed/analyzed out of my repeated close readings of the film and headcanons is a much more likable character than the impression of him you get after just one or two viewings of the film, so I worried that more casual/less obsessed fans reading this (and indeed, several of my other fics) wouldn’t be able to suspend their disbelief enough to accept me saying “yeah, Sameer is very in love with him. attacted to him, even.” without having been along for the ride on my entire crazy obsession with this movie and these characters. Luckily the way Sameer’s interactions with him in the film are acted and shot do the vast majority of the heavy lifting in-canon for this ship already, so readers are more likely to take “Sami is in love with Charlie, secretly” as read without me having to do too much extra stuff to back it up or make it plausible. “Charlie is in love with Sami” doesn’t require nearly as much work to “justify” because Sami is extremely handsome and charming and much of the fandom seems to adore him anyway, so its more like “yeah obviously, who WOULDN’T be in love with him in some way or another?”

I watched the entire “Night In Veld” set of scenes (through from Sami bringing Diana and Steve drinks to that wonderful Wondertrev fade-to-black scene) probably about 8+ times during the process of writing this fic, just to keep myself in the right frame of mind/mood; at this point I could recite it word-for-word.

Sami’s list of “Reasons Not To Tell Him” is pretty much my favourite part of the fic.

The “Sami wears undershirts with sleeves, Charlie wears sleeveless ones” distinction is my own little bit of costume design and also a headcanon that I carry through almost all of my fics.

I had a lot of trouble trying to balance my dedication to the principle “write non-English dialogue in the correct language” with “you can’t subtitle this, there is a LOT of French, and it needs to be comprehensible for an English audience”. What you see in the fic is my version of a happy medium, which I think works rather well.

Thank you for asking this!!!! And thank you to anybody who stuck it out to read this whole damn thing and indulge my infodumping!