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fortheheavenssake · 5 years

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PG MM Anon Interpretation Collection - 17

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

108: Nov 5

MM ANON …… A prospective congressional candidate ……caLiforniA voting …… bankrolled by Bubba…… 🎼” ain’t nobody Straight in LA”🎼…… Nov.14th , liftoff !! …… “ don’t come back, general consensus ma’am”. //… “ William’ you’ll love the break darling “…… “ 🦄can I come daddy, pleeeeeez!!”…… “bring me back a 🦎”…… “ Well, rather you than me squidgy” …… “ I’m reading these balcony jokes old thing” ……” 🤣🤣 Philip, look at this one ‘ wicked!!”… “make it there problem, it’s her decision “ … “Ad Nauseam.

🔥🔥🔥🔥HAPPY GUY FAWKES DAY AND BONFIRE NIGHT HAVE FUN AND BE SAFE ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR FUR BABIES🔥🔥🔥🔥

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

November 5/2019 Riddle #108 1050 hrs CST

A prospective congressional candidate

Rumours abound of madam seeking elected office in America once she leaves the U.K. Isn’t this marvellous, we are at the point of realistically talking about her being gone!!🤣🤣🤣😂😂😁😁😁😁🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😁😁😊😊😊😊!

She certainly has the nonsense speak to be a politician. However, in this digital age, this madam has more secrets hidden that anyone else that l 🔒 🔐 can think of. In America there is no relationship between the media and elected officials to embargo news or comply with the request of the Palace to not run certain stories. At least l don’t think there are. Every little inconsequential and massively consequential behaviour, hobbies, financial “borrowing “ from foundations allegedly, charging for appearances, not reporting income to the IRS, the Internal Revenue Service THAT oversees the tax system in America. Good luck Rachel! Oh yes, ah, there is that pesky little matter of manipulation to marriage allegedly, ⚖️ Treasonous crimes, allegedly, violating the “of the body”law allegedly and a long long list of other possible illegalities, ALLEGEDLY!!

caLiforniA voting

LA, Los Angeles, California is where madam allegedly hails from. Might this be where she has voted, or has she ever even voted? I wonder if she ever has because that would entail her having to think about something and someone other than herself. If she does run for Congress, seems that would be where. The left leaning celebrity driven politics in that state are in her wheelhouse. We have had celebrities, public allegedly lie for and about her. EDG talked about visiting the Sussexes at FC, feeding baby Archie and how much red hair he has, SERIOUSLY PINOCCHIO??SERIOUSLY?? You going to stick with that story??🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🧐🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥, GC, OW , HRC all chimed in.

bankrolled by Bubba

On twitter, archificial is bubs or bubba but a doll cannot bankroll anything. Bubba is Bill Clinton’s nickname. Are we to surmise, MM ANON, that she will be a paid candidate on behalf of the Clintons. This is unbelievable! But London Scoop warned two years ago, down is up, up is down, wet is dry, dry is wet. Her backers are very very obvious now in who they are! Get rid of any conservative Christian values, let the top 1% keep their trillions and manage the worlds money. The Commonwealth is quite a spanner in the mix isn’t it? This is scary stuff kids!!

🎼” ain’t nobody Straight in LA”🎼

Song by The Miracles, content of the lyrics is all about the prevalence of homosexuality in Los Angeles. Who is this referring? Doria?? I know she has a partner, but l don’t know if male or female. Is this pornography? Has madam done videos of this nature? Might this be the excuse she uses to leave the marriage, that she finally has “woke” to who she really is as a woman and is gay? I hope none of this comes across as homophobic, that’s is not my intention💜. Madam just poisons anything and everything!

Nov.14th , liftoff !!

Liftoff usually means a 🚁 helicopter or a spaceship 🚀 taking off! I am spinning that around! BIG TIME! Is November 14th the day the palace will liftoff the hold on the media 📰 and tell them go ahead DM print that million dollar dossier you have been sitting on for two years. Let the media explode the headlines with each and every bit of alleged filth, evidence, alleged misdeeds, financial and others!

“ don’t come back, general consensus ma’am”. //

LG telling HMTQ, if/when madam goes to L.A. or wherever for her six week break/ American Thanksgiving, the consensus, the agreement or majority opinion is she SHOULD NEVER COME BACK!!! All in favour, raise your hand!!!! Oh l see some people raising both hands, up that’s ok😁😁😁😁😁😁

“ William’ you’ll love the break darling ““ 🦄can I come daddy, pleeeeeez!!””bring me back a 🦎”

I have not read this or heard but l am going to suggest something. Prince Harry will have six weeks leave after RS, madam will be going to America, or so it seems just now, l don’t know where archificial will be. I wonder if the brothers are going somewhere to be together, spend time, talk over the horrors of the past two years. Maybe to Balmoral, hunting, fishing, drinking 🍺, just 😎 chilling out!! Prince William is going to Kuwait and Oman December 1 - 4/2019, the first week in December. I can hardly see this as a break but it will be away from the stress and truly with as it seems madam has been all but dealt with and contained, it would be a break! Sounds like our shy, 😁quiet😁 Princess Charlotte🤣🤣😂😂🤣, wants to go along! Prince George continues his love of all things reptilian 🦎 and wants a reptile brought back as a souvenir.

“ Well, rather you than me squidgy”

Way back when, there were the squidgy tapes. Anybody remember those? Anybody remember cassette tapes even??🤣🤣😂😂. Secret recordings privacy of Princess Diana and her lover who referred to her by that name. Squidgy can also mean soft, wet, something that when you squeeze it, it can change shape, like play-doh. According to the urban dictionary has a meaning that l refuse to type or share! I think this is Prince Charles and Camilla discussing her appearance on the 7th of November with Prince Harry YES HE IS ROYAL NOT NOT NOT A COMMONER🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 and madam. The Duchess of Cornwall is the Patron of The Poppy Factory . They will visit The Field of Remembrance at Westminster Abbey. It will be very very interesting if madam shows and what she wears and how she behaves, or make that, misbehaves. We know she has no respect for The Fallen or anyone else except SELF!! Charles is joking with her saying better you than me having to spend time with madam!! I LOVE visualizing these conversations!

“ I’m reading these balcony jokes old thing” 🤣🤣 Philip, look at this one ‘ wicked!!”

My favourite it is, but you are all tired of it by now but, 🔥 firelight, relaxing clothes, 📺 on, cocktails 🍸, relaxing time talking. PP is very much enjoy the lampooning nature of the political comics with various drawings of madam and how she will look 👀 in a cartoon version on the balcony🤣🤣🤣😂😂. Don’t you just love political cartoons? At one time, a cartoonist was murdered when he did a cartoon of a head of a certain religion, so there is a limit on what’s prudent. He points out one, l think l saw one similar, of madam portrayed as a witch! Wicked is a stage play about the witch characters from the classic film, with the gorgeous Judy Garland, The Wizard of Oz!

“make it there problem, it’s her decision “

Regarding having a VISA to return to England, l know you have to return to your home country every certain number of months, l have no idea what or where her VISA status is at. So if she goes to America, will she be allowed to return? Sounding like they are letting the staff at the airport deal with her. It’s also her decision if she wants to return to the U.K.

“Ad Nauseam.

Ad nauseam from the Latin, means one is repeated something verbally or by action, like pounding a door, so often that it has become endlessly annoying or tiresome.

Madam making endless demands over and over and over. Pleads over and over and over. Don’t make me attend anything public, l can’t do it please, please, please. Ad Nauseam. I think the phrase Ad Nauseam perfectly describes the general feeling towards madam just now, although l would argue there are stronger adjectives some would use.

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

November 5/2019 1210 hrs CST

What fun…..thank you dear PG…so appreciated…..😁💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Skippy submission

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109: Nov 6

MM ANON ………” the pest is fleeing the rented nest” SO-HO HO HO !!!………”🎼” don’t give me that do goody good bullshit”🎼…… I’ll catch him , you talk him round” …… “ don’t be naive, it’ll be longer than 6weeks.”……… “I’ve got a cunning plan”………… Mmmm’ money but NOT title!!…… “ the Privy Purse won’t finance that”. …… “ I’ll have a chat with the LCJ, ol’ Netty will fix it.”…… “ done and dusted darling”. …… 🎼” we’ve already said “ so long”🎼………🎼” With a Little help from my friends”🎼. Amen!!

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU SO MUCH MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

November 6/2019 1115 hrs CST Riddle #109

” the pest is fleeing the rented nest” SO-HO HO HO !!!

Well, madam is done, leaving. She has been kipping at SoHo, probably worn out her welcome!😁🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 Never to return!! The Ho stayed at SoHo🤣🤣🤣😂😂🤣! This is bloody fan-diddly-tastic!!!😁

”🎼” don’t give me that do goody good bullshit”🎼

MM ANON taking us back to Money Pink Floyd! Yep all about money, living the highlife, not having done anything of consequence for it, except wrong things, violence even. Madam is DEFINITELY not a goody good! I am so excited, l am trying to type so fast! Forgive any of my usual typing errors!

I’ll catch him , you talk him round” “ don’t be naive, it’ll be longer than 6weeks.”“I’ve got a cunning plan”

Like William and Catherine, maybe more intimate family discussing rehab for Harry after this horrific tour of duty of unprecedented nature and length of time. Sounds like they will have him come for that tagliatelle recipe of Catherine’s. I wonder if l could be invited? Anyhow, the length if time in rehab varies, depending on any medical issues and what substances need to be weaned off of. It’s harrowing. After medically stable, 90 days is a usual. They have a plan, all done out of love. Harry has PTSD from losing his mum, his military service and worst of all, this assault on him and his body, mind and soul. He is going to need a lot of love and l know he has that in spades. Harry, l never doubted you, NOT ONE SECOND!! You have been daily in my prayers 🙏🏻, it will continue as you rehab, recover, get your bearings back and start a whole new wonderful life!

Mmmm’ money but NOT title!!

So dealio here is, she will get some sort of financial settlement in the divorce but NO MORE HRH , NO MORE DUCHESS! She can return to her title of evil succubus! Anything to be rid of her and no title!I LOVE THIS! Guys, this is REALLY HAPPENING!! After RD she is gone, and the shit will hit the fan when the media starts printing all their dossiers that they have sat on for TWO YEARS!! Next week is going to be AWESOME!!! God bless you LG and your entire team!!

“ the Privy Purse won’t finance that”

Prince Charles is in charge of doling out money to various royal family members. It’s called the Privy Purse. So they won’t finance any settlement?? Her private jet? I think to be rid of her likely yes. Maybe it’s her divorce lawyers fees? Or some stupid demand she’s making, never ending yammering woman!

“ I’ll have a chat with the LCJ, ol’ Netty will fix it.”…

PP is long long time friends with the LCJ, Lord Chief Justice, Ian Barrett, Baron Burnett of Maldon. This was in a riddle a long time ago. Sounds like PP will speak with him and sort out this aggressive attack against the palace by ABC regarding PA. PP will set things to order with Netty aka Baron Burnett

“ done and dusted darling”.

Done and dusted, meaning everything is done, sorted, over and out, sayanora, goodbye, move along folks nothing to see here, you get the idea!🤣🤣🤣😂😂 l am giddy l am so happy about this!!😁😁😁😁😁😁🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 prayers answered, thank you dear Heavenly Father🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻. Madam is done, her stranglehold is no more! Two more appearances, tomorrow and RS, if she shows! Then forever out , she will NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED ENTRY IN THE U.K. AGAIN EVER!! She will be on a watchlist so she cannot sneak back for whatever nefarious reason she might have!

🎼” we’ve already said “ so long”🎼

Closing song from the Carol Burnett show, remember that? I’m so glad we had this time together, just to share a laugh and sing a song, seems we just got started and before you know it, it’s time to say so long. The only lyrics that apply are so long, but l was singing as l was typing. Remember she dressed up as a frumpy maid with the mop and bucket as she sang? Oh l am over the moon excited! HMTQ looked STUNNING today in the bright ROYAL PURPLE and gorgeous brooch. She was DEFINITELY sending a message, l am the Queen, l Reign and the Crown has won! 🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻 GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

…🎼” With a Little help from my friends”🎼. Amen!!

I love this song, l’ll get by with a little help, this is our Harry. He will and is surrounded by loving family, can reconnect with all his close mates that he was forced to shut out. He will be just fine, in face more than fine. He is so well loved and everyone will be so glad to see that woman gone! As we used to say, let the door know hit you where the good Lord split you🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂 BYE RACHEL!!!

November 6/2019

1200 hrs CST

GSTQAOBC

This sounds great! Exciting days ahead….I have more I would love to say, it can’t because don’t want her to know….thank you PG this is great! Thank you for doing this much appreciated….and you MM Anon thank you for sending in these fantastic riddles! 😊💜💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

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110: Nov 7

MM ANON …… Royal blue class…… navy blue @ss……… royal winning ……… smug grinning …… “ a quiet word in your shell-like Harry, she embarrassed you”…… “Sunday night ma’am, alone!!”…… Royal Trinity …… 🎼” leaving on a jet plane , don’t know “🎼……… “Exeter airport, not far from Babington ma’am”……”What!! a brotherly tour LG?”…… SANDRINGHAM sand pit…”one disaster at a time,old thing”……” Melania has royal discretion Philip”…… “ God knows Philip, money?”…… “whatever’ but not in bloody black and white “

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🐼🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

Prayers for mr🐼 and our dear 🐼🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

November 7/2019 2250 hrs CST Riddle #110

Royal blue class…… navy blue @ss……… royal winning ……… smug grinning

Appearances today at various Remembrance ceremonies. Catherine looked stunning in her Royal blue. Might l suspect a pregnancy just based oh how very tired she looked or is it just all the crap with madam etc, plus having three children. She looked every bit the Royal Duchess and future Queen she is. She carries herself with this innate elegance, you cannot buy nor fake it. She was, as always, stunningly beautiful.

Madam on the other hand, oh where do l start. Copycat massive wig, trying to match Catherine’s gorgeous hair. Coat half open, a coat not fit for the occasion. Fake hair covering the poppy. Boots?? Really?? And that constant blanking smug look and emu attitude, this too one cannot buy, it’s her innate sense of entitlement. She’s just so inappropriate!!

“ a quiet word in your shell-like Harry, she embarrassed you”

Someone offering Harry support for the way madam behaved today. He even had to tell madam, or rather signal to her to close her legs as she was again standing as if she were going to straddle something! Poor Harry. Harry had to quietly signal this to her. He looked so official and outstanding in his dress uniform!, doing his duty today, ignoring her keeping focused yet a side eye monitoring her behaviour. He was in his own shell, focusing on the solemnity of the occasion and sick and tired of being tethered to her. Almost done Harry, Sunday she’s gone!!

“Sunday night ma’am, alone!!”

Madam will get on the plane and leave the U.K. FINALLY AND PERMANENTLY! Pending possible alleged treason or charges. No RPO, no security, no one to carry her bags, ALONE!!!😁

Royal Trinity

Without a doubt, Prince William, Duchess Catherine and Prince Harry. They will resume where they were before madam came onto the scene. Harry will need time to recover but getting back to being Royal and amongst people who love him will go great lengths. The people will be so glad to see madam gone, Harry will soar in popularity, the love for him will soar.

🎼” leaving on a jet plane , don’t know “🎼……… “Exeter airport, not far from Babington ma’am”

Great old song, l used to play this on the piano and sing a lot. Don’t know when I’ll be back again, oh babe l hate to go, YEAH RIGHT RACHEL! You’re happy as a pug in a sty to be getting out of England! Exeter is a city east if London l think, sounds like her alleged private jet to L.A. will be leaving from there.

”What!! a brotherly tour LG?”

Sounds like, remember a previous riddle where l interpreted William and Harry may take some time at Balmoral to hunt, fish etc, celebrate madam being gone. The. Cambridge children wanted to go, remember? Well it sounds like LG has a smashing idea to show the solidity of the brothers relationship and help Harry readjust, the two boys, l call them goys in my head, the two Princes May do a few appearances/occasions together. Banner idea LG, banner l say!!!!

SANDRINGHAM sand pit

Sandringham is where the Royal family goes to enjoy their family Christmas time. Catherine, despite having been with William for years was not invited until after they married. Somehow, and it perplexed many of us, madam was included before she and Harry wed. Sand pit can be a sand pit to play in or it can be a metaphor for sink ing in quicksand, burying things in a sandpit, keep things buried like secrets etc. I wonder what madam did there, did she go in areas she wasn’t meant to? What is the secret from the sandpit there?

”one disaster at a time,old thing”” Melania has royal discretion Philip”“ God knows Philip, money?”…… “whatever’ but not in bloody black and white “

HMTQ and PP, gorgeous relaxing evening clothes, today l picture her in velvet of a purple colour, and a lovely throw over her knees of a lovely plaid wool. The 🔥 fireplace is full, warm and crackling, can you feel it? So cosy and warm. PP is wearing black, cozy wooden sweater. Sharing cocktails 🍸, maybe some cream caramel for PP. he was hankering first some the other night. Close time, talking over the concerns they share. PP is reassuring her, one crisis at a time, madam and yet another attack on the royal family through PA. I truly think that was the original plot but the backers couldn’t get through.This is a decade or more long plot to destroy the Monarchy. This is only what we know, IMAGINE all that has happened that is top secret!!! As earlier riddle said Melania Trump has had foul things printed about her that were lies, she sued and won! So seating her next the Harry at the NATO banquet will be very appropriate!

They are talking about something madam has done or will be doing, possibly politics and pondering if her motifs money. Well that’s her motive for every filthy thing she has ever done so…,likely YES!

Talking about a family portrait for Christmas, again mantis previous riddle. PP funny, a blithe attitude but tired of madams black and white photos, 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂, only colour portrait!

November 7/2019 2345 hrs

I absolutely love how you turn the riddle into exciting tales! One can so easily visualize the scenario. Thank you so much, so appreciated….good times are coming!🙏🏻💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy

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111: Nov 9

MM Anon

MM ANON … beyond the bathrobe..…hit the spot(not)…never on a Sunday …… 🎼Sun-day my Prince will come🎼…LA Confidential …… morning TV. …… The Late shows …… “And now a surprise guest ‘Princess Megan and Prince Archie”…… “And now a word from her sponsor”…… A Meg-a endorsement … “you can have my jet”…… please!! a little decorum”…… Who’me

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK GOD FOR ANSWERED PRAYERS AND MR 🐼 HEALING🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

💜💜💜🙏🏻THANKS SO MUCH MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

November 9/2019 1630 hrs CST, Riddle #111

beyond the bathrobe

Well madam attended the The Poppy Factory Field of Remembrance at Westminster Abbey with Harry on Thursday , Camilla was dr ordered to bed with a chest infection. Now that was odd because Wednesday she had an appearance and tonight she was there. I think she just was not well enough to deal with the unpredictable madam!! She wore a boucle fabric coat by her favourite, Canadian company Sentaler, boy l bet they wish she would STOP!! The nature of the fabric and style of the coat really had the appearance of a cozy bathrobe, certainly nothing near appropriate for such a solemn occasion. As a matter of fact, the hooker boots, massive amount of makeup, FALSE eyelashes, weird belt etc etc shall l go on? I think we all agree! For the longest time she has loaded on the bronzer especially in Africa. We have been told repeatedly she likes the natural look and her freckles aka she doesn’t have any decent makeup nor money to buy. Wow was she decked out on Thursday! I just cannot get over false eyelashes which l don’t fancy anyway, but the smug face at this solemn occasion, she never fails to fail. That cross of hers was like a child had stamped it, VERY clear which two were royal and hers was not. Then there were the games of her not standing where she was directed too, at one point Harry had to motion to her and at another point she stood so close that HE had to move to take the salute at last post. If he hadn’t moved his elbow would have smashed her in the face. Wow did he look and do well. I love how the papers said he was so protective of her🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂. Watching her was more like it, so she would behave! Huge wig, l could go on and on.

hit the spot(not)

As above, l should have included this, she was told where to stand, then moved, Harry had to signal to her. After she put her cross in, she returned standing too close et etc etc. Never hit the spot she was meant to be standing. Surely madam would not purposely do that would she???🙄🙄🙄🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

.never on a Sunday

Old song called never ever on a Sunday, Petula Clark. I always thought she was the prettiest girl ever. This song is all about loving, no loving on a Sunday because that’s her day of rest, used to be Sunday was the day of rest, was it really? For some l guess, farmers never, nurses, ambulance, firefighters, police, factory works and on and on. Well Sunday is madams last royal performance, off to America after that! Hallelujah?? No loving for her tomorrow, or any other day. People just are so beyond sick of her and her behaviour. Tomorrow bye bye Rachel. Get on that sweet old airliner and fly to L.A. l have no doubt Justice will catch up. BUT at least with her gone, the Royal family especially Harry is done with her filthy smug presence.

🎼Sun-day my Prince will come🎼

The Sun, what will they be printing in tomorrow’s edition??? This song is from Disneys animated classic Snow White. Someday my prince will come, she sings it awaiting her true love, as all the old Disney cartoons ended. Sunday is madams last day for an appearance with Harry!!! My he has conducted himself so well at these services!! I am still waiting madly for liftoff day, the 14th!! I used to tell this lame joke, all my jokes are lame🤣🤣🤣😂😂 but here it is. What did Snow White do while waiting for her pictures to be developed?(oh you have to be old enough to remember when we had to mail our thingy from the camera to process our film and a week or two later we got our photos! Does anyone else remember that?) Anyhow back to Snow White, whilst waiting she sings SOMEDAY MY PRINTS WILL COME,,🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣Lame, l told you😁

LA Confidential

This is a fantastic modern, well 90’s version of a classic film noir, excellent movie. More to the point here, it is a magazine about the goings on in L.A. etc. Has madam got a tell all interview planned for her return home? I wonder how much she is going to charge for that? Lies, lies, and more lies. Lies infinity!

morning TV. …… The Late shows …… “And now a surprise guest ‘Princess Megan and Prince Archie”…

Yes, l have no doubt she will be raking in the money making appearances. Probably GK morning show, plus ABC morning show that attacked Prince George for taking ballet and the Palace, madam will be going for the jugular. She will be on home turf, and she will lie more than you have seen up till now! There are a bunch of late night chat shows in America, l am certain she will do the rounds. Introducing herself as Princess🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮, how is she going to come up with Archie??? That should be very very interesting. We KNOW she will be on EDG (Ellen de Generes )show, liar also.

And now a word from her sponsor”

This in old time radio and tv, is how they used to announce the ads, usually the radio shows had one sponsor. This may mean madam will be do some adverts. I think more likely, some big name ie GC, AC, BC, HRC, OW etc etc will come crawling out of the woodwork, supporting her publicly and quite like financially as well. People at this level could make all her IRS problems disappear!!

A Meg-a endorsement

Mega means huge! Meg is short for madam.So l am assuming or interpreting that BO, MO, HRC, BC, one or all will raise from the swamps and announce an endorsement of her for some sort of political office. This is far far FAR FROM OVER kids!

“you can have my jet”

Someone is giving her their jet. Is this just to get her out of England? I don’t think so. I think this is one of her backers, in this scheme, who will now switch to backing her us U.S. politics giving her their jet to use to travel about, make appearances, politic nature and likely endorse her as well. I sure hope Lady Justice wins here because if she is swimming politically with these big fish, she’s untouchable! How scary is this? I have contemplated writing your president because he will definitely be attacked by this cabal and her! Of this l have no doubt!

please!! a little decorum”…… Who’me

The dress she wore tonight was a repeat of the red/auberguine she wore at OYW at Windsor Castle. Huge open neck, barely a spot to pin her poppy, not that she cared. That dress was so unflattering. Decorum and madam do not go hand in hand. She has no manners, respect, elegance etc. Then when challenged she bats her false eyelashes who me??🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄. No respect for the fallen, none. The amount of time she kept her head sort of bowed after she placed her cross was so fast, if you blinked, you would have missed it! But kids let’s take heart she will be gone. Don’t watch American news, l really pray ⚖️ is done.

November 9/02019 1745 hrs. CST

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Thank you! Looks like she thinks she will be successful in the US! Oh her backers have an agenda…..I am so relieved she is moving on….don’t fret US….she will face justice….she just doesn’t believe it. Thank you so much PG! Awesome job once again.😊💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Skippy submission

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112: Nov 10

MM ANON …… game,set and lies…… “ that royal DR conversation actually took place “……… game, set And Siberia …… William isn’t enamoured …… “Bare legs, ever ready Rachel “🤣🤣🤣🤣………”So-Ho hook-up?? really”……… “the RPO HAS to keep quiet!!! …… “ a scandal to far old thing “…… “ pray it stays!!”…… “extra protection , NO , let her pay!!”……… “ her little friends ‘ it’s a called a sleepover William “ …… “Yes,Edward and Sophie “…… “wheels up ma’am ,… thank god LG

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

SHE IS GONE SHE IS GONE HALLELUJAH SHE IS GONE!!!

November 10/2019 Riddle #111 1320 hrs CST

May I first say how gorgeous HMTQ, Catherine, Sophie all of them, the boys in their dress uniforms, amazing! Tears from HMTQ we’re for a multitude of reasons and to see Catherine lean in , l assume to ask if she was alright was the most amazing photo!

game,set and lies

Game, set, lies, in tennis it’s game set, match. Everything throughout this entire ordeal with this woman has been a game and full of lies. I do not think she would know what truth is, if she spoke it or lived it she might self-combust!

“ that royal DR conversation actually took place “

DR could be dining room, Doris Ragland, Divorce rules, . A royal conversation could mean a heated conversation or quite literally involving royalty. I know last Christmas there were rumours that Doria Ragland was invited to Sandringham for Christmas, but she did not attend. Then it was put down as gossip. Is this what MM ANON is referring to? But why now?

game, set And Siberia

Games on the balcony, remember TTC??? Well madam was on a separate balcony at the Foreign and Commonwealth Trade building today called the Siberian balcony. Actually quite funny, but not. In Russia, or the previous USSR, people who were unliked for various reasons, protesting or various other political reasons were sent to the gulags in Siberia. It’s the harshest, coldest environment. So appropriate that symbolically, HMTQ ha her be on the Siberian balcony!

William isn’t enamoured

What is this regarding the sleepover that Princess Charlotte wants? It’s not next to that clue, so l think it’s something else.

Well he obviously has never been enamoured with madam, does he have concerns about how she left? This clue confuses me in that there are so many possibles. Maybe he thinks madam should have flown commercial, but the private jet was part of the negotiation to get rid of her.

“Bare legs, ever ready Rachel “🤣🤣🤣🤣

Wore boots on Thursday even though she was told to wear tights/pantyhose. Naked legs at the dress evening last night and l am assuming a repeat today. Continues her big finger up to HMTQ. Why be different now?

”So-Ho hook-up?? really “the RPO HAS to keep quiet!!! …… “ a scandal to far old thing ““ pray it stays!!”

My goodness who did she hook up with? The RPO knows, saw all and must be kept quiet. Must be something huge if it’s a scandal too far and must be kept quiet. Good heavens, might explain where her new clothes have come from. Whoever she hooked up with, must be very wealthy, famous and something that must be kept quiet! Wow madam never misses a chance to sin does she? I am not going to say who l think it might be but l certainly have a very strong suspicion!

“extra protection , NO , let her pay!!”

No protection, she can pay for her own after the ceremonies today. No RPO to go with her to America. She will have to look after herself but l am quite certain she already has that handled. Wild cats like her know how to scrape and scratch for what they want. HMTQ is very clear in what she is saying, refusing extra protection and that she can pay for any regular protection out there in the big bad world.

“ her little friends ‘ it’s a called a sleepover William “

Sounds like little Princess Charlotte and her friends are keen to have a sleepover! Oh those were such fun! I would love to be a fly on the wall. I know how my six year old niece runs her family🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂. Little girls with strong personalities have a way of doing that. I love it!!

“Yes,Edward and Sophie “…… “wheels up ma’am ,… thank god LG

Countess Sophie was previously scheduled to visit New York and Toronto this week, solo. Now l wonder if Edward will fly with her and madam will be supervised by them to make sure she deplanes in New York! What a rude awakening that will be. No security, on her own, unless whoever the nig wig she hooked up with at SoHo is footing her bills. Madam is very adept at that. Wheels up, means the jet has taken off. SHE IS GONE!!! Thank God LG, HMTQ very relieved.

Now l picture, the family, in their own ways celebrating that this day has finally come! HMTQ and PP, we look in, again we see, the 🔥 blazing, warm and crackling, the scent and feel of the flames instant comfort. Lovely evening dress, pondering the memories revisited today, intertwined with the hell of the war with madam and her backers. Suddenly cream caramel for two arrives along with special cocktails 🍸. They toast one another to have survival yet another war. 🥂 Cheers to you both! God bless you both.

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

November 10/2019 1415 hrs CST

I thought this day would never come. Congratulations and a million thanks to LG and his team!!

Thank you dear PG….I wonder when the articles coming out will start saying she is in the US? Or will she continue to play…gaslighting is her favourite PR strategy….but we know…she is gone. Thank you PG great job….always appreciated…🙏🏻💜💜💜💜💜💜

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113: Nov 11

MM ANON …… “H’ phone Oprah , NOW!!…… “ we’ll stay with SW for a while”…… “ my mother’s already here”. ……… “ Lottie’ tell your little friends to stop jumping on the bed.” …… BREAKFAST!!…… “ OK’ who’s for sticky maple syrup and waffles?”…… Charlotte!!!! behave. …… “ We’re outnumbered George!!”……”NANNY HELP!, …… “Wait and see,ma’am, wait and see!!”…… “yes, my friends in the service!!”… The banquet would be a good time. ……Embroil him in duties to his regiment ……’seven for a secret never to be told

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

MADAM IS GONE!, Riddle #113 1250 hrs CST

November 11/2019 l took the morning to remember the fallen as today is Remembrance Day in 🇨🇦🙏🏻 LEST WE FORGET

“H’ phone Oprah , NOW!!

Prince Harry has been involved in a Mental Health initiative with Oprah for Apple TV. I do not know how much they have done of it or even started, however sounds like he is meant to call her and back out of it.

However, there is only ONE IDIOT IN THE WORLD THAT CALLS HIM H!! and orders him around like that!!! I hope he changes his phone number M! Madam is barely out of the country and she’s yammering for him to find her a place to stay or wanting something from OW! Good God Harry CHANGE YOUR MOBILE!!!!! ASAP

“ we’ll stay with SW for a while”…… “ my mother’s already here”.

As l had proposed yesterday in the riddle, a wild cat like madam finds soft cushions. Well, it does not get any softer that a billionaire like SW and her husband is worth more than that, who we KNOW has been a backer and obviously STILL IS! Now we know where Doria has been kipping to avoid SPLASH news that they hired😂😂😂🤣🤣😂😂 paparazzi and why Doria needs an assistant l I couldn’t get that last week when a photo of her ‘assistant ‘ walking her dogs made the rounds. I was saying in a riddle then, why does she need an assistant.This might also explain why she has eight million dollars in her bank account! So this is where madam will have ‘Family Thanksgiving’,OW BO MO HRC BC, the whole entire “family”. How precious, l almost shed a tear NOT,🤢🤢🤮

“ Lottie’ tell your little friends to stop jumping on the bed.” …… BREAKFAST!!…… “ OK’ who’s for sticky maple syrup and waffles?”…… Charlotte!!!! behave. …… “ We’re outnumbered George!!”……”NANNY HELP!, ……

Well little Princess Charlotte had her sleepover. I assumed it would be at KP due to security issues. Waffles, giggly girls, William seeking solace in George, little Louis is too young yet😂😂🤣🤣. William screaming jokingly for Nanny Maria Borollos, but she likely is with Prince Louis. I would love to have been a fly on the wall, l know l say that in every riddle but it’s true each time l say it!By the way William, l am still waiting for my waffles!😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😁😁

“Wait and see,ma’am, wait and see!!”“yes, my friends in the service!!”

LG in conversation with HMTQ. She is wondering or commenting on media release of info date LIFTOFF!!!!NOVEMBER 14 according to a previous MM ANON riddle! How will things be released, all at once? LG supportively saying just wait and see, excitedly by the exclamation marks. I am sure after all this waiting the press has done, sitting on all this golden horrible but news breaking secrets of madam, it’s going to be brilliant! I am certain LG has been involved.

HMTQ also voicing concern over madams next move, as obviously once a narcissist always a narcissist, and even though madam never LIVED with the a Royal family she was privy to many events including Sandringham. I have no doubt throughout this entire ordeal the family, spoke to her only as politeness would require and never ever EVER shared information. Nonetheless, she was in the palace, observed how they do things, etc, she holds a lot of information and l don’t know what her departure agreement included but l definitely see fee doing the tv rounds, magazines, PR will continue and a book of my life if she was a duchess or some such garbage!

As we know LG has many connections in the world on intelligence, all over the world. He will be in touch with some of these individuals and keep track of what madam gets up to. I am certain President Trump who brought such valuable intel on his state visit last time, that he has has his homeland security department monitoring her and her backers!!!

The banquet would be a good time.

The NATO banquet is December 4/2019. HMTQ will host NATO leaders, it will be an all out elegant affair. I can hardly wait for the photos. This would be a good time to what. Perhaps put out a notice of formal separation on the day if the banquet? I cannot see HMTQ doing anything to overshadow such an event. I wonder if , as has been mentioned twice in riddles, that Prince Harry will be seated next to Mrs. Melania Trump for the evening. Perhaps some announcement may be made that day about a position for Harry to serve in the military. A huge part of me would love a formal announcement of separation, but that’s unlikely but l still want it, hey maybe annulment? Something!!!

Embroil him in duties to his regiment

HMTQ is pondering how best to have Harry era climate to his life now that madam is gone. How glorious. The public will want to see him and know he is finally regaining his health and happiness. Sounds like involving him in his past military career is the answer. Given his Invictus Games and involvement in mental health issues and his own, this is a phenomenal idea. I do believe it will be a bespoke role, created especially for him, non-combat of course. He has so much experience and it will help him rebuild his confidence tremendously. I can foresee a number of roles for him. This is fantastic!

…’seven for a secret never to be told

This is from an old rhyme about magpies. Great big beasts of a bird, black and white, they extremely loud and eat others eggs etc. I remember one Sunday afternoon a friend of mine and her husband live on a farm and she has a bunch of us for dinner. We got talking, they were saying how many magpies they had and the great annoyance they are. Well right after dinner, out came the rifles and we all spent a good few hours riding them of the problem. It was marvellous. DONT JUDGE until you have lived on a farm and had these massive rats with wings stopping at your or your children’s heads!! They remind me of ravens, always made me think of Poe, Edgar Allen Poe. The Raven, read it! Wow sorry kids, l REALKY DIGRESSED there, but l think you like my elaborative writing!

Anyone, back to the clue, the nursery rhyme is below.

One for sorrow,

Two for joy,

Three for a girl,

Four for a boy,

Five for silver

Six for gold,

Seven for a secret,

Never to be told.

Eight for a wish,

Nine for a kiss,

Ten for a bird,

You must not miss.

Seven for a secret never to be told. This was in yesterday’s riddle. HMTQ feels imperative, RPO MUST KEEP SCHTUM(quiet), the manner of how Prince Harry Met madam, as MM ANON put it yesterday in PP words, a’a scandal beyond a scandal’.

What hell hath this succubus wrought on or beloved Queen and Prince Harry, the entire royal family, England, the U.K. and our beloved Commonwealth. We have many many friends in other countries who share the horror with us as faithful friends and we so love them for it!!

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

November 11/2019 1350 hrs CST LEST WE FORGET

Thank you dear PG! Fantastic read once again….your personality shines through, and I love that…interesting days ahead! Thank you🙏🏻💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

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114: Nov 13

MM ANON ……… 🎼” let the Sunshine”🎼…… who pulled the short straw?……… palm trees at Sandringham …… “ pass the Dorito’s darling “……… Sophie’s surprise ……“ I love the belt sweetie”. … Preg-nont…… “ I love the belt sweetie” ……… “yes , smile and serve them gru-el”…… Christmas?” Musical chairs old thing” ……… more of a 12 by 6 ……… small expectations …… Kate’s red carpet …… “ bet she goes for the lovers knot.” …… Hobson choice.

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜THANK YOU MM ANON LOTS OF 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜💜

November 13/2019 1730 hrs CST , RIDDLE#114

🎼” let the Sunshine”🎼

Old song let the sunshine in, face it with a grin smilers never lose and frowned s never win. Also from the age of Aquarius. Either way SS, Sunshine Sachs, madams PR agency, one of them known for using ‘dark arts’, deeply dark things. They have in overdrive going back and forth with the Palace today is battling statements. They have absolutely NO IDEA WHO THEY ARE DEALING WITH RIGHT LG????

who pulled the short straw?

Usually when there is a task needing done and no one wants to do it, tour draw straws and one straw is shorter and THAT person gets or has to do the thing no one wants. What might this be. RPO babysitting madam? Royal sitting next to madam at the Christmas? Who knows where Christmas will be, but this is involving madam for sure and no one wants to do what needs done! Maybe it’s who sits next to a Doria at a Christmas!

palm trees at Sandringham

Rumours of madam on the beach in the Caribbean. Are they going to put some pal trees in so madam feels like she is in L.A. when she is there for Christmas??? This is so ridiculous!!

pass the Dorito’s darling “

Oh, is Doria coming for crimbo too?? Oh dear, Dorito has been the way madams is referred to by many. Prince Charles and Duchess Camilla are dining and Camilla, l can see her all dressed for dinner, making this cheeky comment to Charles, and Charles’ red face getting redder as a broad smile and chuckle ensues. By the way, l am NOT joking at his red face, l have several times here written my concern about that along with his red and swollen hands. His birthday is tomorrow let’s remember! He is on tour in India now.

Sophie’s surprise

Sophie was meant to fly to NYC with madam. Something happened and madam didn’t show up for the flight. I looked online earlier l could find nothing about Sophie in NYC. She is also due in Toronto for a women’s empowerment conference/anniversary.

“ I love the belt sweetie”

Madam wore a Gucci belt on RS , worth a few months rent! Is this a catty comment or a genuine from MA or the crying makeup artist? Most public comments were scathing and many think she is trying to look like she’s pregnant or let people think she may be.

Preg-nont

Madam has been wearing her belts very high, tight clothes etc. The last few days PR talking about a second child and she was seen holding her tummy at Royal Hall for RD evening service. Yes yes games games games .

“yes , smile and serve them gru-el”

Another SS doozy PR crap, madam volunteering🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 at a homeless shelter near Frogmore, millionaires homeless now!??🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 on Thanksgiving, in a country that doesn’t celebrate it🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂. Sorry you just cannot make this garbage up. It’s like they have a room full of zoo animals pressing buttons for ideas! No offence to zoo animals! Gruel is slop, if you ever read a Dickens that’s what they fed the children in Oliver, tastes terrible but enough to keep you alive,

GRU or GRU is the name for the former USSR KGB secret police. Surely GRU is not at play here?!

Christmas?” Musical chairs old thing”

Madam for Christmas?,Doria for Christmas?, lots of moving around so everyone takes a turn politely talking to Doria and madam. Oh come on, MM ANON, we all know THERE US NO POSSIBLE WAY they are going to be there! I have explained the game of musical chairs in a previous riddle.

more of a 12 by 6

💜💜💜💜This, l firmly believe, is where madam is. Contained , either by bars or in a psychiatric a facility, her mind having fractured and split apart by the stress all of her own doing. Good luck to all those minding her!!!💜💜💜💜

small expectations

Great Expectations, by a Charles Dickens about the French Revolution…it was the best of times, it was the worst of times…..explains everything happening in England/the U.K. now. Here we have small expectations, that is what we have or of madam and she is cornered yet her OR is working overtime and each time today BP has countered played the PR. This is a public game of chess with someone who cannot even play checkers!

Kate’s red carpet …… “ bet she goes for the lovers knot.”

This is a reference to the NATO gala banquet that HMTQ is hosting. Catherine, as usual will wear The Lovers Knot Tiara, l hope she wears a red or green Christmasy gown. I can hardly wait for the photos!!!

Hobson choice.

This goes way way back, even a film made. I haven’t seen it though The phrase is said to have begun with a livery stable owner, Thomas Hobson in the 1700’s England, who offered customers the choice of either taking the horse in his stall nearest to the door or taking none at all. A Hobson’s choice is a freely made choice only one thing is offered. Because a person may refuse to accept what is offered, the two options are taking it or taking nothing. In other words, one may “take it or leave it”.

Madam is in a pickle, so to speak, a tight sour situation. She, wherever she is, although l have a confident idea exactly where she is, is cornered with only one choice and she loathes to accept it! TICK TOCK🕰 TICKITY TOCK RACHEL! THE BELL HAS ALREADY TOLLED FOR THEE!!

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

November 13/2019 1820 hrs CST

Thank you dear PG…much appreciated….🙏🏻💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

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2 notes · View notes

queennicoleinboots · 3 years

Text

Bears, Eat Your Heart Out! Chrissy, The Baby Girl with Many Glorious Titles Is Trying To Arrive. Apparently, So Is Everyone Else.

Written by: Xara Nahara Campinelli

Proofread, Edited, and Examined Several Times by: Chrissy, The Baby Girl with Many Glorious Titles

Part 1: Prince Oliver: Werewolf of the United Planets Attempts to Address Everyone.

As Megara Ice, Abigail Ice, Kissy, Miss Oreo, and I scurried out of my house, the spaceship from the United Kingdom was making an abrupt landing to the left of the giant spaceship the bears arrived in. A leg of the spaceship from the United Kingdom was touching the wing of the giant spaceship because there was no other place to land. (And even if there were, Mayor Mr. Bill told everyone to land immediately, so they had to land there.)

The large door of the spaceship from the United Kingdom opened dramatically, and a royal red carpet splattered out in front of most of us. A few bears looked puzzled behind the ship as Prince Oliver: Werewolf of the United Planets walked dramatically outside of it and stood to address us.

Kiel the Frog croaked to greet him. Duke and Riley Ice barked five times in unison to greet him. Maxwell Ice had to bark 10 times to match the song Duke and Riley Ice were barking.

"Thank you, great frog and great dogs," Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets spoke. "And thank you all for letting us land, but with the current announcement, I don't believe you had much choice."

A few bears chuckled.

All of a sudden, a giant man wearing a black, gray, white, and silver spandex suit that was a cross between Captain America and Superman was holding his big house over his head and flying down from the sky. He had a silver "S" across his chest and had a shield with a silver star in a white circle on the back of it. He had red hair, a full beard, green eyes, and muscles. "Ahhhhh.... it's so hard to land anywhere! The fuck is going on?!" the giant man asked in his naturally loud voice as he was still holding his house above his head upon landing.

"Oh I know, Captain Slammer! We were in orbit for ages before Mayor Mr. Bill commanded us to land!" Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets said dramatically.

Yes. That 12-foot-man was indeed Captain Slammer.

"It's crazy. It's bullshit. My brother, Captain Mechanic is buying land from the guy who owns Chipotle Mexican Grill so I can finally put my house somewhere. This is bullshit. And I DOUBT it's Earth's fault. I just couldn't stay there anymore because it's fucked. It's FUCKED!" Captain Slammer's booming voice naturally shouted.

Captain Slammer is a great superhero. He travels throughout time. He has helped restore balance to the universe. Joebear and I used to read his comics when we were younger. But he has a really loud voice. And it's giving me a headache.

"I'm well aware. Now if you excuse me, I need to address the people," Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets said.

Several wolf pups yelped inside the United Kingdom spaceship.

"OH WILL YOU BE QUIET!? YOU HAVE BEEN BARKING FOR HOURS! I CAN'T BEAR IT ANY LONGER!" Chrissy, Baby Wolf Mama shouted to her pups in her sharp yet pleasant English voice.

The yelps were silenced.

"THANK YOU!" Chrissy, Baby Wolf Mama said joyfully.

"We have arrived in hopes of finding a better life than we could have ever on the burning rock called Earth," Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets spoke.

"Yes," Captain Slammer said to affirm Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets's statement.

The bears, goats, and the wolves inside the ship howled to affirm his statement.

"We wish to bring peace, prosperity, and happiness to everyone. We are working with the reasonable powers that be to make this life workable for all!" Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets spoke.

The bears, goats, and the wolves inside the ship howled to affirm his statement. Count Vanilla growled nine times while his head was out of his freezer.

"Thank you, Count Vanilla. Your affirmation means more to me than you know," Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets said.

Count Vanilla growled proudly nine times as he crawled out of the freezer and approached Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets.

--------------------------------------------------

Part 2: Two bears and two hamsters arrive in a small black spaceship that looked similar to Batman's automobile.

A black small spaceship that looked like the batmobile quickly flew in from space and decided to land on my house. Who the fuck did these people think they were?

A brownish gray female bear, a light orange male bear, and two chestnut giant hamsters crawled out of the batmobile and climbed down off my roof.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" Joebear shouted with a menacing growl.

All four creatures froze and stared at Joebear with eyes that were ready to fall out of their heads.

"Oh my God we're sorry! There is literally no other place to land! Every legal landing spot has been taken!" the orange male bear shouted down in a shaky voice as his periwinkle eyes were hanging onto his skull through their optic nerves. He had goggly googly goofy eyes. My husbear had that effect on other bears some times. "Under any other circumstance, we would never even think about landing on someone's house! We absolutely HAD to land here!"

"All right. What are you doing here?" Joebear asked as he stared at them with his dark brown eyes.

"We are looking for Bruce Balalalalalalalalalas. Crazy last name, I know. It's French for 'banana split made with crack cocaine and vanilla ice cream.' I'm his father, Skipper Balalalalalalalalalas, sort of like from Gilligan's Island when it was still being erected from tectonic plate activity on Earth. I'm THAT OLD... sorry. I'm an interdimensional-" the light orange bear started to say.

The female brownish gray bear growled fiercely with sharp teeth and almost shook my house. She shot eye lasers at Skipper Balalalalalalalalalas.

"Gee! Gloria! I'm getting to the point. Excuse me! Gloria! Those eye lasers are giving me third-degree burns!" Skipper Balalalalalalalalalas said with a growl before he spoke again. "Anyway, Gloria, Johnnio, Kavana, and I came to deliver Bruce's items that he was forced to leave during the Mass Bear Exodus from Earth. It took FOREVER to even get the clearance to be allowed here. Every bear and his brother is coming here. It's a great place to live, apparently. It looks like we're living here, too. I will not get jabbed. Fuck the mansion back home. We left that for the housing association in Logantown, GA, in what used to be the United States of America. Now that place is bought and sold by China. Unbelievable. Don't remind our son about that if you ever meet him. He still believes strongly in the American Dream. Do you know where Logantown in a place formerly known as America is? Excuse my syntax. English is not my native language. We're French. My wife, Gloria has Italian and German in her bear blood, but she has the heart of a true French woman." He continued his descent from our roof to the ground.

"Oh wow. I'm German Italian, too. I knew there was something special about you, Gloria. Bruce Balalalalalalalalalas was telling me about you. And yes, we know where Logantown is. We used to conduct our Secret American, when it was American, Society of Sexually-Frustrated Bears meetings there. But I don't think it's so secret anymore," I answered.

Joebear growled at me.

"Haha! You don't know what secret is, kiddo!" Skipper Balalalalalalalalalas said as he and the other three creatures climbed down from the roof.

Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas narrowed her brownish hazel eyes at her husband. I see where Banana Ice gets his looks and mannerisms from.

"Will you relax, Gloria? I have been feeling the sting from those eyes for over a week straight now. Your eye lasers are starting to permanently damage to my skin. Do you mind?" Skipper Balalalalalalalalalas asked her.

"Absolutely I mind. It didn't help that you made a wrong turn at the planet Alberqueque in the New Milkway galaxy. We would have been here much sooner had you just listened to me," Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas said in her still heavy French accent as she crawled over him to get to the ground first. Then she looked at us. "Excuse the squabbling. I'm quite fed up with this space travel and all of the political 'onsense that led us to these current events. Do you know where our son is? I miss him terribly." She looked like she was going to cry.

"Your son tends to disappear a lot, but the last I heard of him, he was contemplating getting piercings," I said.

"He was? I had no idea," Abigail Ice said.

"Neither did I. That's news to me!" Megara Ice said.

Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas growled fiercely and then cussed in French. "I am so sick of him destroying such a beautiful face like that. It's an insult to me! Ugh. I curse the invention of facial piercings!!!" Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas said loudly in her French accent.

"So do I. Fuck those things," Megara Ice said.

--------------------------------------------------

Part 3: Three large cargo ships carrying items that belonged to the Balalalalalalalalalas family arrived.

Then three large cargo ships landed one in front of the other on top of the large bear spaceship that was as large as the spaceship in the beginning scene of Spaceballs (1987) and Space Odyssey: 2001.

"Oh what the hell?!" Bruce Ice shouted.

"What the hell indeed?! How many interruptions are we going to have before I can finish my address?" Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets asked.

"Ugh. I'm sorry. I just can't be on that spaceship anymore! I must stretch my legs!" Princess Lindsay Carrington burst out of the spaceship wearing a large red space helmet and a royal red dress. I've never seen that woman walk so fast in my life. I thought she was going to trip over her dress.

"Oh I know! It's dreadful! Where is the latrine? I can't handle the one on the ship. It's absolutely ATROCIOUS!" Prince Carrington asked as he followed Princess Lindsay Carrington and wore a bright purple suit, a green shirt, a lavender tie, black shoes, and a purple space helmet. A wolf pup attached itself to Prince Carrington's shoulder. He walked swiftly in step behind his wife.

"Go into the forest for a quarter mile and take a left on Alberqueque Street," Bruce Ice answered.

Prince and Princess Carrington grumbled a "thank you" as they waddled through the forest. The wolf pup squeaked at Bruce Ice.

The men from the cargo ship flew to the elder Balalalalalalalalalas bears. "Your cargo is on the only place we can land. We will have to unpack when living arrangements are addressed. We hope it's soon," one of them said.

"We're working on it," Skipper Balalalalalalalalalas said.

"Where can we get some water in this joint? I'm thirsty as all get-out. AND IT'S HOT!" the male hamster shouted in a loud New York accent.

"Johnnio, please!" Skipper Balalalalalalalalalas shouted.

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Part 4: The New Bruce Balalalalalalalalalas a.k.a. Banana Ice appears and surprises everyone.

Banana Ice walked out of a random place in the forest with a giant mohawk, seven eyebrow piercings above his right eye, six eyebrow piercings above his left eye, a piercing in each nostril, six piercings on his top lip, seven piercings on his bottom lip, 13 piercings along the side of each ear, a black collar with bright yellow bananas hanging off of it, a black T-shirt with a large banana on it, black cargo pants with several silver chains hanging off of them, a spiked belt, and bright white hightop Converses with a light yellow trim around the bottom of his feet. That bear went through a transformation.

"What the hell, Bruce?" Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas asked as her mouth dropped.

"Indeed! What the fuck, Bruce Bananas?!" Megara Ice shouted.

"Wow! Who knew piercings could be so sexy?!" Abigail Ice asked as her tongue was drooping out of her mouth.

"Hi Mom. I got collared. I transformed to surprise my new wife, Abigail Ice," Banana Ice said as he stood by Abigail Ice. Abigail Ice wrapped her arm around Banana Ice's waist. "She's the daughter of Bruce and Megara Ice and my Domme. She's great. Also, thank you for arriving. With you, Dad, Johnnio, Kavana, Maxwell, my batmobile car (thank you, Dad, for fixing it.), and cargo, I now feel at home."

"What?! You got married, Abigail Ice?! When?! Why wasn't I informed of this?! What the fuck is going on?!" Megara Ice rattled on with the questions.

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Part 5: Female bears growl at each other and find their role in the pack.

Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas walked over to Banana Ice and Abigail Ice and hugged Banana Ice while narrowing her eyes and growling at Abigail Ice. Abigail Ice stepped back and had wide eyes as she stared at Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas. Megara Ice then walked next to Banana Ice and Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas and growled at Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas. Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas growled at Megara Ice.

"Mom. Megara Ice. Please. If I may explain. We eloped. We don't really have the time for a ceremony, given the current political climate and volatile Plague situation, right now. I'll explain more when given the chance," Banana Ice said.

Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas kissed Banana Ice loudly on the cheek. Megara and Abigail Ice growled at Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas. Skipper Balalalalalalalalalas growled at Banana Ice. Banana Ice gulped and stared at his father.

Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas growled loudly at Abigail and Megara Ice before she hugged Banana Ice more tightly and spoke softly to him, "Fair enough, Bruce m'dear. I missed you. But you're more ridiculous than ever. And what the HELL are those shoes? They look like actual bananas," she said.

"I agree with you," Megara Ice said to Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas.

"Merci. At least we can agree with something other than how ridiculous Bruce's piercings are. Why would he do this to such a gorgeous face?" Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas asked as she rubbed his chin.

Megara Ice nodded as she crossed her arms. "It's beyond my comprehension as well," she said.

"Oh these?" Banana Ice said as he smirked and pointed to his shoes. "They're super comfortable. And they're pretty fly, even for a white bear. It only took me a minute to buy them."

Megara Ice then stared daggers at Banana Ice.

"And how long did the piercings take?" Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas asked as she analyzed him.

"Two and a half hours, give or take a minute," Banana Ice answered.

Maxwell Ice rushed over before rolling on the ground and laugh-barking.

"I know this is off topic, but I'm technically Johnnio Ice, and my sister-" Johnnio, the male hamster said with a heavy New York accent.

Kavana, the female hamster who oddly had the same brownish hazel eyes that Banana Ice and Gloria Balalalalalalalalalas had, stared at Johnnio with a snarled upper lip.

"Half-sister, is now Kavana Ice. Am I correct?" Johnnio continued.

"Yes, Johnnio. You are correct," Banana Ice said.

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Part 6: Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets interjects because he is tired of the interruptions.

Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets interjected after being interjected umpteen times in this story, "I am glad we are getting to know each other on this planet! It's great that we have such a strong community among ourselves despite all of the bureaucratic nonsense going on with the powers that be. But are there any other characters or anyone else that absolutely HAS to speak before I can get the rest of my crew OFF the ship?!"

"Captain Slammer! I have land available to put our house down on. Everyone! I am Captain Mechanic!" a smaller but even more muscular man with a red beard who wore an obnoxious white cap, a greasy white shirt, blue oil-stained overalls, and yellowish brown large boots shouted in his naturally loud voice. He looked like an Irish version of Bluto from Popeye.

"Thank you," Captain Slammer shouted as he began to fly away with his house.

A brunette lady with a nurse cap had her head sticking out of the window of the house. "Hello everyone. I am Wonder Nurse, and I come in peace. Praise God. Praise Jesus. Thank you, Lord. Hallelujah! Amen!"

Most of us shouted back to her, "Praise God! Praise Jesus! Thank you, Lord. Hallelujah! Amen!" Godiva, Peter W. Parker's mother, bleated to her.

"Nice to meet you," I shouted to Wonder Nurse. But I wanted her to remain more than 10 feet away from me. I still don't trust the medical system or anyone in it. I hope she doesn't float.

"YES YES YES! I'VE BEEN WAITING TO BE IN THIS STORYLINE FOR A YEAR NOW! I'M TIMON FROM COVINGTON GROVE, GEORGIA, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AS IT IS AMERICAN. I REFUSE TO BE PART OF THIS NEW SYSTEM!" a golden, short grizzly bear with sparkling blue eyes shouted. He even sounded like Nathan Lane from The Lion King, Birdcage, and Mrs. Doubtfire.

The bears growled loudly, clapped, and cheered. Banana Ice's growl was particularly loud.

"PREACH! I WAS BORN A PATRIOT, ALWAYS A PATRIOT! STOP THE FUCKING TYRANNY! THESE GOVERNMENTS ARE PERFORMING TYRANNY!" Banana Ice shouted.

"PREACH!" Bruce Ice shouted. "Fuck the system! Fuck da Police State!"

"Are you for the idea of defunding the police?" a random brown bear asked Bruce Ice.

Bruce Ice shot infrared lasers out of his green eyes and aimed them at the random bear's stomach and lowered the lasered gaze to his crotch. Bruce Ice is not gay. He's just pissed.

The brown bear covered his genitalia instantly with his paws and groaned as he was slipping to the ground. "AWWWWWWW!!! I'll take that as a no...."

"There is a difference between the Po-lice and Police State," Bruce Ice stated as he walked near Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets and stayed six feet away from him.

"PREACH! PR-" Count Vanilla started to shout.

"PREACH! PREACH! PREACH! PREACH! PREACH! PREACH! PREACH! PREACH!" all other bears except Bruce Ice shouted with Count Vanilla.

"I absolutely agree. There is a stark difference between a police officer and the Police State," Prince Oliver: Werewolf of the United Planet stated. "Now may I please finish my address so that we can all get back to a normal life?"

Count Vanilla's cousin, Blinky, growled in a distinctly loud voice. He didn't growl often, so his growl was raspy. He was a big white bear who had the exact same eyes as Count Vanilla. He even wore the same style glasses. Usually, he communicated with blinks.

"I BEG YOUR PARDON!" Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets shouted.

"He says there is no going back to normal. He says there is no going back to normal. He says there is no going back to normal. He says there is no going back to normal. He says there is no going back to normal. He says there is no going back to normal. He says there is no going back to normal. He says there is no going back to normal. He says there is no going back to normal," Count Vanilla translated.

"He said all of that in a growl?" Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets asked.

"Yes. His name is Blinky. Yes. His name is Blinky. Yes. His name is Blinky. Yes. His name is Blinky. Yes. His name is Blinky. Yes. His name is Blinky. Yes. His name is Blinky. Yes. His name is Blinky. Yes. His name is Blinky," Count Vanilla said.

Blinky blinked twice to confirm and then approached the stand with Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets and Bruce Ice. He remained six feet from them and started to blink rapidly.

Count Vanilla followed Blinky and began to translate what he was saying in bear language. Due to the lack of space on the red carpet, Count Vanilla had to stand three feet apart from Blinky and Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets. He was definitely growling a lot, and I could tell his voice was getting sore.

Banana Ice blinked three times, threw his paws in the air, sighed, and then flew over to the stand with his new rocket shoes. Banana Ice had to stand three feet apart from Count Vanilla and Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets. He had to translate in English the translation in Count Vanilla's bear language from Blinky's blinks:

"Okay. There is a huge diversity of people here. That's why we literally need three translators to communicate our message. It's going to take a minute for each sentence to get out. Count Vanilla, please. I'm working on it. Blinky, can you pause? Holy Shit, you look like you're possessed. ARE YOU GOOD?!" Banana Ice began.

"Apparently not," Bruce Ice chimed in.

Blinky blinked rapidly at Bruce Ice. Count Vanilla growled several times.

"Yes. Yes. We're getting on with it! If you guys would just slow the fuck down, the rest of the audience would understand you. Jesus!" Banana Ice said before he cleared his throat.

"Blinky, with all due respect, can you wait a second for the rest of us to speak. It's apparent you have a lot to say. It's very important! Let's save that for another story, please. Chrissy with her ungodly amount of glorious titles is fucking exhausted and would love to get her hungry pups the hell off of my ship!" Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets said as politely as possible given the circumstances.

Blinky blinked an apology. Count Vanilla growled apologetically nine times. Banana Ice actually repeated "Sorry" nine times.

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intergalacticsuperstar · 7 years

Text

Extraterrestrial | Alien!Tom Holland AU | Part 7

Sorry for the wait! Here’s part seven. I hope you all enjoy! Let know what you think of the story and what you think is going to happen when you’re done! I also didn’t edit this very well

Series Summary:

You had been waiting for something exhilarating in your life to happen for as long as you could remember. It was easy to get bored when you live in a small town, live alone, and work in a grocery store. You dreamed of living an exciting life, and your wishes were about to come true. One day, a naked glowing boy shows up in your backyard speaking about things that are simply out of this world.

Words: 2053

Warnings: mild panic attack at the end

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Part Seven

You and the alien were silent during your drive.

You were itching to ask questions, to know more, but you also peaked glances at him every once in awhile. His eyes were glued to the world around him, it was wholesome and cute. You had been chosen to show an alien your world.

When you pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store you worked at, Tom looked at you.

“This is where you work?”

You nodded at him and stepped out the car. The two of you walked to the entrance all the while a million thoughts were floating through your mind.

Maybe he wasn’t ready for this. What if someone asks who he is or where he came from? What do I tell them?

However, Tom was at ease. Although he was fascinated, he didn’t seem scared. You guessed that that made sense because he was used to going to other planets. You thought that was a weird thing to be used to.

After walking close to a few customers, chatting quickly to your old-coworkers. Oh, and quitting your job, you realized that no one had heard about anything weird or spaceship-y and were about ready to leave. But, suddenly as you were turning around from the counter at the pick-up center with Tom at your side, you bumped harshly into someone.

“Ow. Sorry.” You said quickly.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry. Are you o- Y/N?”

You looked up at the man you had run into. It was your cousin, Michael.

“Michael? Oh my gosh how are you?” You asked frantically, giving him a hug.

He smiled at you and replied saying “I’m fine, how are you doing? I haven’t seen you since, what? Christmas?”

You smiled back and nodded. You hadn’t realized how much you missed him. Suddenly, Michael noticed Tom standing next to you. When you finally noticed the two’s confusion of the other you quickly explained, “Michael, this is my friend, Tom. Tom, this is my cousin, Michael.”

Michael held out his hand to shake, but Tom just stared at him confused. You really should’ve taught him the proper way to greet people. After a few moments, Michael awkwardly put his hand down.

“So… how’s college going?” You asked trying to break the awkwardness.

“Good, really. I finally made it into that research program I was talking about.”

You nodded, remembering. There had been some space and astronomy program he was applying to.

“Oh, really? That’s amazing! Congratulations!” You smiled warmly at him.

“Yeah, thanks! It’s really awesome. We’ve been researching all these weird energies coming from the atmosphere around here throughout the last week. Something broke the atmosphere, but we can’t seem to figure out what.”

You and Tom glanced at each other. “That’s weird…”

“Do you know where these energies are coming from exactly?” Tom asked. You elbowed him slightly, trying to tell him ‘hey, don’t be too obvious’

He squinted his eyes at Tom, but only for a moment. “Not exactly sure, but we are getting strong readings from Brentwood State Park.”

“Thank you,” Tom said politely before walking away towards the exit.

“Tom, wait!” You jogged a few paces to catch up with him. “Where are you going?”

“Brentwood State Park.” He said as though it was obvious.

“Okay, well, just give me one second. And then we can go.” You said, trying to get him to slow his horses. I’m geez, I know he’s in a rush, but…

He waited while you jogged back over to Michael. “Is he okay?” Michael asked peeking around you at the alien.

“Tom? Oh, yeah, he’s fine. He just...has some stuff he’s got to do.” You said, trying to not sound suspicious.

“Are you and him…? You know...together?” He questioned.

For some reason, this question brought redness to your cheeks, and butterflies to your stomach and you didn’t know why.

“What? No! We are just friends.” You replied, flushed.

He just nodded, but he didn’t look convinced.

“Well, I guess I’ll let you guys go then. We should get together soon for lunch.”

“Yeah, totally.” You smiled at him, even though you felt a little guilty. If all went well, you’d be taking a small break from Earth.

You both hugged and then parted ways. You met back up with Tom and looked at him.

“So...Brentwood then?”

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Brentwood State Park was only a short 15 minute drive away from town. It was a decent sized state park, not huge, but big enough for a few hike trails and a small lake. You and your parents used to go camping there every fall, but you hadn’t been in years.

“I’m confused. How are we meant to find an invisible spaceship?” You asked Tom during your drive.

He peeled his eyes off the window to look at you. “I really should be able to sense it. It’s a piece of Maxmirius technology. I’ll know when we are near.”

That didn’t make much sense to you, but you went with it. After pulling through the park gates and choosing a random trail, you and Tom stepped out of the car.

For the first time, you felt the leadership on Earth switch from you to Tom. He was leading the way.

You started off on a hiking trail, but after a while, Tom veered off insisting that was the way to go despite your protests. At last, you figured that if the spaceship was here, it wouldn’t be in the middle of a hiking trail.

Tom was oddly confident in his movements, easily slipping between the shrubbery and trees. You tried to imagine yourself dealing with the exotic nature of a foreign planet and you didn’t think you would be as graceful.

“It’s close.” You heard him say while he was a few steps in front of you.

You walked for about a 100 more yards before he stopped. “There,” he said pointing.

You didn’t see anything other than more trees. But, for some reason, you believed him. Deep down, you sense something too. Something was off about the place.

Tom was just about to take another step with you right behind him, but his head suddenly darted to the sky. He eyes scanned it before he urgently turned and look at you.

“We need to hide.”

You were about to ask him to explain himself, but he was already pulling you down behind a cluster of bushes and holding his finger up to his mouth indicating for you to be quiet.

You didn’t understand. What he scared of something? A bird, a plane? But, then you felt it. The wind had suddenly picked up through the trees, blowing them wildly all over the place almost as though a helicopter was landing.

Suddenly, a giant spaceship, the size of a building was in front of you.

You knew that something was really, really wrong. You looked at Tom and saw him watching intensely. He looked scared, which only made you terrified.

You began to shake.

The spaceship sat there for a minute. You were becoming restless, as your fear grew. Your whole body shuddered and sweat was growing on your face.

Noticing your discomfort, Tom turned and looked at you, peeling his eyes away from his focused stare on the ship. You hardly noticed, as your eyes were still fixed on the giant machine in front of you. Ever so gently, he reached down and grabbed your hand, squeezing it in reassurance. This made you feel better, and you turned to look at him. ‘It’s okay’ he mouthed to you, keeping his hand connected to yours he turned to refocus his gaze on the ship.

The spaceship’s doors slid open and out walked a group of very alien looking people. One of them was purple, much like how Tom looked when you first saw him. But, quickly you realized that no two of them looked the same. Two of the aliens had red skin, one had green, and another with bright blue. Before they had a chance to grasp an understanding of their surroundings, they began to glow. A few moments later, five naked aliens were standing in front of the ship.

One of the female aliens inspected herself, and then said, “Oh, dear brother, why did we come here again?”

A male alien, presumably her brother rolled his eyes in response. “Like I said before, we sent him in the wrong ship!”

You felt the power radiating off of these two. The other three obviously were inferior to them, as they stayed away from the two siblings.

Eventually, one of the three aliens got enough courage to speak up, “Excuse me, my Duke, but isn’t it illegal to purposely travel to a stage 4 planet?”

The Duke, who you assumed must be Hazzion shifted his glare from his sister to the other alien. “After all we’ve done, this is what you are most concerned about?” He shouted.

Finally, he spun to face his sister and the other three at once and let out a long, angry sigh. “I will explain to you one more time. The plan was to send Thomankion in a fuel powered ship, that way if he did somehow survive the trip, there would be no way for him to return home and ruin everything we’ve done. But, we put him in the star-powered ship, so now all Thomankion has to do is repair and charge his ship, and he may return home.”

The aliens all nodded as if they understood. “Which is why we need to find him and kill him once and for all.”

You gulped and squeezed Tom’s hand harder. He squeezed back reassuringly.

“Brother, must this really end in violence?” The Duchess asked.

“Hasn’t it already turned into violence?” He asked as if it was no-duh. The Duchess gracefully walked over to her brother. An evil smirk spread across her face.

“What if I gave you a better idea? One where we don’t have to kill our cousin and people will ask fewer questions.” You were hoping that the Duchess would try to be reasonable and knock some sense into the Duke, but you knew deep-down that her intentions were bad.

“And now I’m interested.” The Duke rubbed his chin. “Let’s continue this inside. We all need rest if we are going to search the area in the morning.”

Gradually they all manage their way inside. And when they were all in and the doors had been shut for a few moments, you finally turned to Tom.

You started to breathe heavily. “What. just. happened.”

Your brain was running circles around you. You were vaguely aware of your hand still grasped tightly in his as your heart rate picked up. You were panicking, you realized. You hadn’t had a panic attack since high school, but at all times for a panic attack, you supposed this one made the most sense.

“Shhh..shh...it’s okay, come on.” He gently pulled you up, staying as low to the ground as he held your hand while jogging through the forest. He would have gone faster, but you were slightly unstable.

When you two finally made it back to your car, you started pacing. “Oh my gosh. There are aliens on my planet. There’s a spaceship on my planet. And they want to kill my alien friend. They are trying to kill someone. Oh my gosh.”

Finally, Tom stepped in and grabbed you by the shoulders. “Y/N, it’s okay. Everything’s alright, we are going to figure this out.”

You stopped freaking out and just let him hold you for a moment. It was nice, but your mind was still swimming.

“I need you to breathe, and drive us back to your house. We need to get away from here.”

You nodded, and to fulfill your sense of duty to protect your alien, you calmed down and got in the car, driving away as fast as you could back home.

Tom wasn’t looking outside anymore, his eyes were fixed on the ground as he thought. Your hand on the steering wheel tingled. You remembered how comforting it was to have his hand in yours in the woods. That was the only memory that kept you calm on the entire drive home.

What did you guys think? I hope this wasn’t boring :o

Taglist: @casualprincess77 , @thollcnds , @emmeanintellectual, @shakaholland, @isabellamozarella03, @aussie-mantle, @hopelesslywaitingforfood

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thefragileglass · 7 years

Text

Valerian and why you shouldn’t watch it.

This is full of spoilers, so if you don’t take my advice and actually go see it, don’t read this, I guess.

I don't want people to think I hated #valerian bc it's a dumb space movie. I LOVE dumb space movies- that is why I went to see it, that is what I wanted. I want people to know that I hated it for SO MANY other reasons.

So, the first...4 minutes (?) are pretty interesting. Cool aliens. Timelapse of progress, etc.

Then we travel to 400 years in the future on a paradise island. Very pretty. I was immediately apprehensive when the obviously female alien that was a completely different species and culture untouched by humanity- had titties (but still slightly covered them up) and wore a skirt. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with these things, but i just find it pretty suspicious that a completely different species and culture would 1. have the same parts and 2. have the same hangups about who can display them. If you have such a limited imagination about anatomy, at least have some creativity about the culture, I mean, c’mon. Not to mention the fact that the titties were covered but still enticingly uncovered and it was all obviously done to tantalize male viewers. It was like being punched in the face by the male gaze. Like obviously, if we don’t want to at least subconsciously fuck her, there’s no way we can possibly care about her! And I’m deliberately calling them titties bc she was naive and childlike- so pure in her uncorrupted state of innocence (eye roll). Ugh- it just makes it all so much more icky. Then there was the very thinly veiled reference to some “primitive” culture (side-eye) where everyone is, again, so naive and peaceful and just live in blissful ignorance. It is then Very Important to the plot that she dies so that the Main Character can save this poor, primitive species. This is like, the 6th minute of the movie.

Then, we meet the Main Character.

Oh man, where to start? We’re introduced to him being a total asshole to Secondary Character, who is introduced walking towards us in a bikini. Phew, another woman to look at, I was getting worried, it had been like, a whole 10 seconds since I had one. Again, there’s nothing inherently wrong with a woman in a bikini- it's the way the scene is shot and who the scene is for. So then we start off with some weird sexual wrestling- which it didn’t seem that SC was into- and then we find out he’s her superior officer. In the space military. And he’s actively trying to convince her to have sex with him, but obvs she doesn’t want to bc he’s a ~*~ playboy ~*~ and won’t commit to her by forgetting everyone on his “playlist”. When I say actively, I mean he’s literally following her down a hallway. And when I say convince, I mean he’s literally just bragging about how great he is by listing awards and commendations he’s gotten. Who acts like this?! I have no explanation about MC’s behavior, but to paraphrase Allison, SC acts like how men think women act, with the reasoning men imagine women use. Regardless of the fact that I don’t think her reasoning makes much sense, no matter what it was, we’re supposed to believe that she’s just playing hard to get. Like, you know they’re going to get together at the end and so the audience is just supposed to assume that she secretly likes him and thinks he’s endearingly oh so silly and that she’ll change her mind eventually, as women are wont to do. It’s obvious that MC thinks SC is just playing hard to get too, which is why he acts the way he does- acting as if their relationship is a matter of “when” and not “if” and so its ok for him to act as if he has the right to talk and act like that bc they’re basically already in a relationship. It’s also obvious that the writer/director/producer thinks the same thing, which is why MC never gets called out for what this is- sexual harassment. This is so terrible for people to see and internalize.

Then they talk to a superior who scolds SC about dressing appropriately on a mission. Then MC asks SC to marry him, even though she’s still been very clear that she’s not into it at all. But of course, everyone thinks she’s just playing hard to get, so obviously she’ll want to get married. And then they go on a mission, which, to be fair, I think was a pretty cool concept of another dimension and such. Like, if it wasn’t steeped in all this other shit and this movie was the fun space romp I wanted, I probs would’ve thoroughly enjoyed. That is, except for the fact that SC goes on this mission in a DIFFERENT fucking bikini! She gets scolded about wearing a bikini and then CHANGES HER CLOTHES TO A DIFFERENT BIKINI and a little scrap of a coverup. “To blend in with the tourists.” IN THE DESERT. We see the other tourists- I’m pretty sure no one else was in a bikini- I cannot imagine a flimsier excuse. It is just so obvious to me that the director or producer or whatever man made these costuming decisions just wanted to have SC in the least amount of clothing for the longest amount of time. She’s in the military on a mission for god’s sake! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a character so blatantly disrespected by a movie before or I’m just too angry to remember if I have. Also on this mission, they basically leave their people to die and then all they comment on is how SC’s “dress” got ripped. And then they’re going to meet up with the commander, so they finally dress in their military uniforms, and her’s is a mini skirt! Like, at this point, I’m just glad it wasn’t a green bikini, I guess.

So then some action happens they mouth off to the commander and MC is off being an expert pilot chasing some things while SC roots for him and tells him to be careful and he crashes and she’s worried, yadda yadda. And then to find him she has to talk to birds to hire a submarine captain to steal a jellyfish from a big whale thing so that she can put it on her head and it can give her visions of where he landed. It also gives her visions of the past hour that we literally just saw so that she can realize that she really does care about MC and so she can finally catch up to the men and understand that she WAS playing hard to get this whole time. I honestly think this whole plot sequence was specifically so that she could wear her hair down for a little bit. Also, somewhere in here, she straight up says “oh, you think humans are predictable? Then you obviously haven’t met a woman before” before she shoots something. Haha, woman are so mysterious and hard to understand. She finds him, and then argue about how he wouldn’t even thank her for finding him and some other stuff that is totally out of character for SC up to this point. And then he rebukes her while sexually harassing her some more and it's all terrible. Then she gets captured- bc obvs it's been awhile since MC’s been the hero- so we def need to give him the chance to save her.

Sigh. Ok- so, in order to save her, MC has to go to the red light district to get an alien who can change shape, named Bubble, to disguise him into where she’s being kept. OBVIOUSLY the way to introduce this character is to have her (obviously a female) perform a strip show changing into all of the different male fantasies we haven’t gotten to see yet- including some super fun cultural fetishization! It has been 4 minutes since a woman was scantily clad on screen, so they have to make up for it somehow. <allison>I think it’s worth noting that despite the MC declining an actual lapdance/sex, it is made perfectly clear that he is enjoying the show for the MUCH-LONGER-THAN-IT-NEEDED-TO-BE DANCE. *Shot of female character spinning in a lace cat-suit followed by shot of MCs drooling* </allison> After the show, which the entirely straight male audience of the movie (bc ugh who else would be watching this movie) is extremely glad to have seen, she comes up to speak with MC. Its pretty clear to me that this is some kind of human trafficking situation bc “she’s been practising since she was 4.” And she comes up searching for validation from this asshole who’s been objectifying her and if he didn’t need her for his mission of saving his damsel would probably not care about the situation at all. Overall, it's a pretty horrifying exchange- not just bc of its inherent awfulness but also bc the movie treats it as if it's not a huge deal. MC offers to help “free her” after the mission if she’ll help him, and she agrees. <allison> OH SHIT DON’T FORGET WHEN BUBBLE BECOMES BABY-MC and MC SAYS “GO BACK TO YOUR NORMAL FORM” AND SHE GOES BACK TO HER NATURAL FORM AND HE LOOKS DISGUSTED AND SAYS “YOUR OTHER NORMAL” AND SHE GOES BACK TO SEXY-LADY. </allison>

While this has been happening, SC has been interacting with her captors who are trying to make her put on a dress. She’s been in pants for WAY too long- like, 7 whole minutes of screen time. Next we see her, she’s in a pretty white dress, walking down a long aisle to present herself as a meal for the big, fat evil king guy. And just as she’s about to be eaten, her ONLY plan, despite being a military officer, is to scream for MC. We’re all so lucky he was actually in the room to save her! She certainly didn’t know he was there, so if he hadn’t been there, I guess she would’ve just been eaten. Oh no, what’s a girl to do?

Fighting, running, quips. Bubble dies in the rescue. Of course she does! She served her purpose, so screw her. Who cares about the tragedy that was her life and the promises that MC made- he saved the damsel, so everything else is cannon fodder. There was literally NO REASON for her to die, if they didn’t want to try to deal with her story any more, they could’ve just had her leave or something. Idk, I guess I forgot female characters don’t exist when not in proximity to the MC.

So then we get back to the white savior plot where we find out the commander was the bad guy who killed this whole race of primitive people...just because? I think he crashed an enemy spaceship into the planet just to kill the enemy and it exploded the whole planet? Not too sure. There are a couple of neat transphobic remarks bc the life force of the alien lady that died at the beginning has been possessing him bc she chose him to save their people. MC and SC have the pearl MC stole and the little creature indigenous to their planet, which the aliens need. MC has this whole crisis about not giving them the creature bc “that was our mission and I’m a soldier and I follow the rules” when he’s literally been breaking rules and challenging authority since the BEGINNING of this godforsaken movie. And then SC convinces him that loooove is the answer and why she’s been resisting him this whole time bc he’s never been in love. And then the boring, average white guy saves the poor, helpless primitive people. And then, of course MC and SC get together bc we all knew she was just playing hard to get the whole time, anyway.

#Valerian #hate #chemakal #spoilers #but you shouldn't go see it anyway

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alienvirals · 7 years

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Alien: Covenant why Ridley Scott’s facehuggers and chestbursters will never die

With their bad robots, evil capitalists, terrifying xenomorphs and exploding humans, the Alien films turned cinema into a primal freakout zone. As the latest lands, heres what made them so irresistible

At various points in 1979, Ridley Scotts Alien was released into cinemas, a nasty-minded B movie with hopes of shifting a certain number of action figures. As you may have noticed, it did better than expected. Out this week, its latest descendant is Alien: Covenant, the second of four intended prequels. In the 80s and 90s, three sequels were added to the original, and these four were then marketed as a quadrilogy, a phrase bursting horribly through the frail chest of the English language.

For the film business, Covenant is a big deal in the battle against a future where actual movies are subcontracted to Marvel and everything else ends up on Netflix. Its important to the rest of us, too, even if the brooding scene-setting of the film before it, Prometheus, was a little dry for some. Covenant, while a very good movie, can also feel like a carefully planned family holiday, designed to let Scott explore his favourite places robotics, evolution, Hows and Whys but with regular visits for the kids to the bloody fairground of facehuggers and xenomorphs.

Scott, of course, is a victim of his own success in creating a monster this moreish. The original Alien was planned as an intergalactic spin on Jaws, another terror looming from the dark to upset humanitys delusions of grandeur. But where the shark had us for breakfast, Alien did something still more psychically traumatic it made us the unknowing host of a baby that ripped us open from the inside.

Fuse that primal freakout with HR Gigers famous creature designs and you get images that can never be removed from the mind. But Alien was a strange kind of cultural juggernaut. A decade after the first Apollo moon landing, with the gleam of the space age dulled, the scene onboard the commercial spaceship Nostromo was rarely less than glumly claustrophobic. The film seemed to be saying that, if we as a species ever make it into space en masse, our lives will end up like this: an underpaid, cooped-up grind that left you looking like Harry Dean Stanton.

The bloody fairground of facehuggers Ian Holm and John Hurt in Alien. Photograph: Alamy

In the new films, there has been a sly pleasure to be had in seeing that grimy distant future joined up to a bright-eyed version of life not too far from now: the advance publicity for Prometheus featured a video of a purported TED Talk given by entrepreneur Peter Weyland (played by Guy Pearce) just around the corner in 2023.

Whereas most blockbusters rouse, Alien has always been a tune played in an ominous minor key. The characters you meet in each film are usually dead by the end of it. The alien keeps coming until it gets you. The continuation of the series created a need for what you might in the broadest sense call happy endings, but they were usually tired, ambivalent things. It came as no great surprise to learn Scott had wanted the first Alien to close with the death of Sigourney Weavers Ripley, her escape-pod bound for Earth with a lone, triumphant xenomorph on board.

Not doing that there was panic among studio executives was probably best for the series. Still, the popularity of the first two films can obscure the fact the next two nearly destroyed their directors careers. After James Cameron made the bullishly irresistible Aliens (the first sequel and still his best film), both David Finchers sombre Alien 3 and Jean-Pierre Jeunets deeply 90s Alien: Resurrection were regarded as fiascos.

The master builder Ridley Scott and Katherine Waterston on the set of Alien: Covenant. Photograph: Mark Rogers/Mark Rogers / Fox Film

Interviewing Fincher years later, I told him I thought Alien 3 was underrated. He looked at me as if Id brought up a family bereavement. Jeunet, meanwhile, returned to France to make the sugar-sweet Amelie. That the series returned at all was tribute to the deathless appeal of Gigers monsters, and the feeling that Scott was the one filmmaker who could properly wrangle them, Prometheus marking his return as director.

But the Alien movies, however flawed, never felt irrelevant, always connecting to the realities of Earth. For anyone who sees blockbuster cinema as the place the collective subconscious bubbles to the surface, the films are rich pickings. It was hard to miss the timing with which the original arrived in 1979 opening in Britain four months after the election of Margaret Thatcher, and shortly before Ronald Reagan won the US presidency.

As such, the era of Alien has precisely mirrored the age of modern capitalism. You see it in the story of faceless corporations killing off their staff to chase a profit and in the xenomorph itself, remorseless and voracious. Now, the role of founding father has been assumed by Peter Weyland, a billionaire industrialist, whose expansive plans to help mankind would fit right in with those of Mark Zuckerberg or Larry Page.

The feminism of the films might feel haphazard the first script of the original involved a male hero but still, in an era in which the film business has struggled to put women front and centre, Ripley was routinely the best hope for humanity. In the latest film, Sigourney Weavers place is taken by Katherine Waterston, deadpan and stoic, just like her forerunner. But, more than just being female-led, the Alien films always hummed with ticklish thoughts about motherhood and reproduction; the hero is the ultimate final girl, the last woman left standing, with men seldom saving the day.

Ultimate final girl Sigourney Weaver in David Finchers Alien 3, 1992. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

And then we have the androids. If Ian Holms treacherous Ash in the original gave audiences a whisper of unease about the march of technology, it has since grown deafening. Having built both Prometheus and Covenant around Michael Fassbenders turn as a primly gifted synthetic, Scott is clearly concerned with the point where circuitry acquires a soul. In the era of coming automation, why wouldnt you be? (In recent weeks, as Fassbender and Scott have been promoting their movie, they have shared media attention with the all-powerful Chinese entrepreneur Jack Ma, warning that the world is about to enter decades of pain caused by artificial intelligence.)

The scowl, the voice of gloomy fatalism, is much bigger in the new Alien episodes: films about the rise of robots in which the humans are usually messy, fleshy, venal and feeble. In his heartfelt sci-fi epic Interstellar, Christopher Nolan told a tale of space travel tied up with misty childhood memories and the bonds of family. You suspect Scott would take one look at all that and ask someone from the crew to pass a bin bag.

Scotts Alien films have always put the sheeny efficiency of xenomorphs above the feelings of people. Now planning at least two more lavishly mounted episodes, alongside a slate of other projects, he remains a force of nature himself, a master builder turning 80 this year, using his industry clout to pursue big ideas while throwing the crowd enough red meat to keep us turning up.

And space? In the years between Alien and Covenant, the prospect of commercial space travel has advanced spasmodically at best. Scott for one believes other beings will get to us long before we reach them. Of course, he has said, there is life out there. It is smarter than us and violent. Four decades after that first doomed voyage, his advice is simple: When you see a big thing in the sky, run.

Alien: Covenant is released in Australia on 11 May, UK on 12 May, and US on 19 May.

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

The post Alien: Covenant why Ridley Scott’s facehuggers and chestbursters will never die appeared first on AlienVirals.com - Latest Alien & UFO News.

from AlienVirals.com – Latest Alien & UFO News http://www.alienvirals.com/alien-covenant-why-ridley-scotts-facehuggers-and-chestbursters-will-never-die-2/

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scrptrx · 8 years

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I have found a few I am guilty of using. ;D

Some of the best ones:

Overused Settings and Storylines

#1 - THE Fantasy Cliche - Hero starts off as a farm boy/servant/shepherd etc., has his family killed (which turns out not to be his actual family), and, through a process of self-realization and learning, becomes the all-powerful prophesized hero.

#7. - A band of heroes travels to various and sundry distant lands searching for the pieces to a key or to a device which will help them defeat the bad guys. After months of continuous trials and tribulations, they finally succeed in finding it and assembling it together, only to have it stolen from them by the bad guys who were smart enough to sit on their arses and wait for the heroes to do all the hard work for them. (Suckers!)

#13. - The story takes place in an advanced society where spaceships and high technology reign, but where people inexplicably dress in costume from ancient eras (Roman togas, medieval gowns and armor, 18th century coats and cravats, etc.)

#18. - A hero/heroine visits a museum or an archeological dig where they get bonked on the head and find themselves waking up in the past. While there, the hero/heroine experiences a grand adventure, at the end of which, they get bonked on the head again. When they wake up this time, they find themselves back home in the future, with the impression in their mind that their grand adventure was all a dream. HOWEVER (in a farm-fresh, Rod Serling-esque plot twist), they soon stumble upon something at the museum/archeological dig (a scene from an ancient cave painting featuring their portrait, or a suit of armor with a bullet hole in it), which convinces them that maybe they weren't dreaming after all.

#30. - Evil doers with multi uber awesome powers always come unstuck when a newbie hero/heroine turns up with one super lame attack all powered by (you guessed it) LOVE!

Overused Characterizations

#28. - A dragon appears in the story. Said dragon is possessed of a sentient mind and the ability to converse in human languages fluently, (a seemingly meaningless talent for it to have, considering all the dragon wants to do with his life is to find an enormous hoard of treasure, plop his big, scaly ass down on top of it and sleep for all eternity, waking only to shoo away/eat the occasional armored knight, hobbit, or callow teen-aged hero which might come round to try and claim it).

Overused Story Events and Plot Devices

#6. - Secondary characters who are killed in the first season of the TV series or movie are brought back to life in the sequel/next season for the flimsiest of reasons, because they were popular OR because the writers/producers of the show are too gutless to risk offending soccer moms by killing off sympathetic characters (and showing kids that, yes, sometimes evil actually wins.)

#9. - A virgin, slated for sacrifice, is rendered unsuitable for sacrificial purposes thanks to a plot contrivance which conveniently places her and the hero alone in the same area just long enough for them to have an intimate encounter.

#12. - The hero(es) extricate themselves from a hopelessly tricky situation by simply cutting a rope holding a chandelier. (Making sure it's the right rope first, of course, ala Robin Hood: Men in Tights.)

#17. - A catapult successfully shoots a hero over the castle battlements where he lands safely on the other side in a pile of straw, instead of ending up as a stain on the wall or with his insides spilled on the cobblestones of the courtyard pavement.

#22.- The most powerful member of the group (usually a wizard) refuses to use his powers unless absolutely necessary, even when doing so would have saved the group a month's journey or prevented the death of one or more of its members.

#30. - Characters are able to perform or witness acts of tremendous violence, (mutilations, explosions, decapitations, massacres, etc.,) without ever suffering any negative mental repercussions in the form of nightmares, neuroses, psychosis, post-traumatic stress disorder, or anything else of that nature.

#32. - All it takes to make a miraculous recovery from a mortal injury is having an extreme will to live. (Or by having a soulmate/wise old friend/mysterious person with magical healing powers who will play a large role in the up-coming plotline to destroy the villain help you.)

#37. - Scantily-clad and hatless heroes and heroines are able to walk for miles outdoors under a blazing sun without even the slightest hint of a sunburn or skin damage afterwards.

#44. - Male characters who are kept in dungeons for several days exhibit no signs of beard growth, even though they may have been chained to a wall and thus, unable to shave themselves. (Same goes for scantily-clad female characters and leg and armpit hair growth.)

#66. - People who travel into dimensions which are vastly different from their own suffer very little in the way of culture shock, even if the place they came from was a small medieval dirt-hut village and the world they travelled to is an advanced, futuristic, neon-sign and machine-filled cityscape.

#70. - Survivors of a postmodern apocalypse (or people from a futuristic society who crash-land on a primitive world) will revert to a primitive way of life and start speaking like cavemen. (Alternatively, they'll speak normally but selectively mangle the pronunciation of common terms and place names for no good reason other than to prove how "changed" they are.) Items and inventions from the ancient (modern) past will often be treated like sacred relics. (Nuclear missiles will be held in especially high regard and worshipped as sacred totems. At least until they blow up.)

#80. - During the final, climactic fight of the first book/season of a series, a hero will inadvertently discover a power they have that is very scary and that no one else has.

#85. - There seems to always be a mysterious tavern...

#long post #writing tips #fiction #writing cliches

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theliterateape · 6 years

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Spock and Valerie Solanas Meet for a Coffee Date at the Big Starbucks in the Sky

By Elizabeth Harper

The Players:

Valerie Solanas: (played by Lila, friend of Polly) Spock: (played by Ugly Doll OX as Spock) Barista: (played by Polly Pocket)

The Setting: Planet Starbucks

Valerie and Spock are having their conversation within earshot of the Barista.

Valerie, as she sips her black coffee, starts the inevitably awkward conversation: I seldom go on dates. The only reason to have anything to do with males of any species is to obtain money and other resources. Having colonized my own Planet SCUM, which is run according to the principles outlined in my seminal work SCUM Manifesto, I have neither the need nor desire for male company. But I’ve deigned to meet with you because I’m looking into expanding the interplanetary male auxiliary of SCUM, and it occurs to me that you might not be totally offensive and could be potentially useful, but the proof, instead of being in the pudding or the pussy, is in the potential for groovy conversation. Maybe you’re cool. Then again, maybe you totally suck and you and your gender, and species, should be destroyed, eliminated in fact, if it happens to be the case you aren’t even good enough for slave duty.

Spock, also sipping black coffee, replies: Thank you for meeting me and for your interest. I find your ideas about a totally automated society without work and money very intriguing. And your scientific discoveries and breakthroughs are extremely impressive. But I must have you know that I have no interest in being a member of a slave class or in recruiting other males to be slaves. You and I are kindred spirits in our admiration for logic and rationality, so you must understand that since you yourself do not want to be a slave, it would be highly illogical for any member of a logical species to want to be a slave.

Valerie: Perhaps slave isn’t the right word. I need helpers who know their place, males who realize they aren’t as groovy as females but still want to support the cause and defend our female-dominant society. Also, with your ability to mind-meld you could help us determine who our true enemies and allies are. And you could mind-meld with us groovy females so you’ll know how truly groovy, logical, and enlightened we are.

Barista, to Valerie: Gender is a social construct. In fact, I think gender as social construct is one of the key insights of SCUM Manifesto, even though on the surface you seem to be putting forth a biologically essentialist argument. Have an espresso on me, and stick around for the Asperger’s/ INTP personality support group that’s going to meet in its own little corner in a few minutes.

Valerie, to Spock: One concern I have is your allegiance to logic and rationality, which, while admirable in itself, has traditionally and nominally been used to silence and stupefy females. Males accuse females of being irrational and emotional in order to delegitimize the experience of females and deny the relevance of their emotions, when in fact, emotions—especially anger, hatred, and love — are perfectly logical.

Barista: Valerie, you’re so hung up on interfacing with this Spock dude, you’re totally ignoring that I’m totally up for some serious pussy licking, or more importantly, intellectual conversation, if that’s what floats your spaceship at the moment. I’m so worth talking to and hip to your ideas. I did my Master’s thesis in Gender Studies on you. This job where I have to do emotional as well as physical labor is a way for me to get health insurance so I can pursue my performance art — which incorporates poetry, drumming, and menstrual blood — in my spare time.

Valerie, to Barista: Thanks for the offer, sweet cheeks, but you seem like another mindless, brain-washed female to me. I don’t think you understand the historical struggles of true SCUM. If you were really hip to the SCUM agenda, you’d be giving espresso away for free, eventually getting fired from this oh-so-benevolent corporate gig; you’d have dropped out of school before you graduated; and you’d be making a living by getting corporate types to pay you for your menstrual blood for their craft cocktails.

I may take the opportunity to recruit from the support group. I bet some of those Aspergirls are capable of some real interesting conversation. And while we’re talking about social constructs, what do you think all these various conditions, diagnoses, addictions — and other ways of gaming the system while having an excuse for a support group — are?

I think Spock might jibe with SCUM better than you because he understands the alienation and outsider status of being between two worlds, outside of both, and seeing the whole big picture with clarity and insight in a way that totally eludes mindless human males who don’t accept their inherent inferiority and brain-washed human females who aren’t in touch with their own grooviness and biological potential for superiority. In short, Spock and I get that most people suck and the way the dominant society operates is illogical, irrational, and just generally sucky for cool females and expatriate Vulcans.

Spock, to Valerie: I thank you for the compliment and acknowledgement of my logical nature. I am interested in talking with you, but I may not be helpful to you on your planet because of my aversion to murder when not clearly necessary and, truth be told, to rule-breaking in most instances.

Valerie, to Spock: Oh Spocky, dear. I wouldn’t expect you to murder. You could just subdue the errant males with your Famous Spock Nerve Pinch, and I could kill them. My aim has improved a lot since that Andy Warhol business. And you could get your rule-following kicks by following my rules. Of course the groovy females on Planet SCUM don’t follow rules because they don’t need them. Everything they do is groovy and they are inherently capable of empathizing and figuring out what to do without rules. Since you are male, I understand you can’t do that.

Spock, to Valerie: You must understand, Valerie, that I object to intellect without discipline and to power without constructive purpose. Also, I cannot adhere to inconsistent rule following. Following the rules only makes sense if the rules apply to all.

Valerie, to Spock: Bummer, dude. I can see you have your hang-ups, but I won’t kill you now. You could be useful later. Well, at least we tried, and all it cost you was the coffee.

Spock: See you around, Valerie. Live long and prosper.

Valerie: SCUM lives!

Barista: Really, guys, stick around for the support group. Be cool, though. Those Aspies are really sensitive.

Written and performed with dolls for Chi-Fi Fest March 2015. Soon to be available as a chapbook at Uncharted Books in Chicago.

#Spock #Valerie Solanas #SCUM Manifesto #Starbucks #dolls #Aspies #INTPs #automation #rationality

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inventedworld · 7 years

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MISFIRE? Provocations from Steven Spielberg’s “Ready Player One”

Nobody says being a giant means you’re infallible.

For several years, a hot book from a freshly minted novelist circulated among the swank conference rooms and expensive lunch tables of the media world. After an intense bidding war, Ernest Cline’s “Ready Player One” was finally on a trajectory to the silver screen, amplified by his own screenplay based on his source material. None other than the great populist himself, Steven Spielberg, would direct.

Cline is no newcomer to the world of storytelling. He has a number of screenwriting credits to his name, and he built a loyal following of geeks and freaks over the years who like the tales he tells. “Ready Player One” put him in a new galaxy, however, rocketing to the top of best seller lists around the country, only to arrive at an even shinier Warner Brothers payday. With Spielberg’s golden touch for fanciful flights of dreamy escape, the project looked like would be the new event movie.

The book and its matching screenplay concern a future struggling in the aftermath of a massive energy crisis. Somehow, despite the lack of reliable power, virtual reality has become a major cultural influence, and the place where we find our neer-do-well protagonist. The plot careens through chance encounters, heroic quests, and inevitable moments of personal discovery in an effort to change the fortunes of the hero.

That’s the book. Reviews were solid; fans loved it—cracker-jacks for those who liked to disappear into escapist narrative.

In movie-production land, however, rumors began to leak: something was not quite right. Pre-production got underway, then principal shooting. Did this make sense? Was this the story that people wanted to see on a big screen? All indications were that this was to be the next “it” movie, a blend of old time adventure and new-fangled futurism, a dystopic expanse that audiences were finally used to seeing (See also: Hunger Games, Divergent, Blade Runner, The Walking Dead, and twenty-ka-zillion other stories about things going badly for humanity). Considering that the story concerned massive multiplayer video games and virtual reality, there seemed to be huge potential for product tie-ins and nostalgic views of the past—which meant multiple target age groups. The trailer to the movie also trades in endless pop culture references, dangling them on screen like fishing lines. Naturally the story also included an adolescent romance designed to attract young males and females, essential if the movie was to be a breakout, mainstream hit.

When something looks like it’s got the formula down, one begins to wonder if there’s a soul inside that formula, or simply a series a cold algorithm built of logical instructions.

When an early teaser emerged onto the internet a few months ago, vague echoes of sad sounding trombones played in the minds of audiences far and wide. Yawn! The trailer looked like Spielberg, and felt like Spielberg, but Spielberg developed his Spielberg-y look and feel in the last quarter of the 20th Century. While there’s no doubt that he’s made terrific movies since then (Lincoln, Bridge of Spies) his older, adolescent groove is not the vibe that generally describes early 21st Century culture. Something seemed amiss, even as all the parts looked like they were in place.

Are we looking at a huge misfire from The Master? Can’t say for sure: the movie hasn’t been released yet. But contemplating the possibility provokes a few important considerations.

First, even great creators can make less-than-ideal choices. Not every single piece of music in Mozart’s massive oeuvre deserves equal opportunity for performance.

The larger, more vital consideration concerns the transformation of culture. Culture always changes, responding to circumstances and styles, events and experiences. These days we live in a more fragmented culture than ever before, with a million nuanced sub-cultures vying for attention and relevance. The internet and the various forms of content it delivers presents strangely singular refractions of the culture to every user. There is no longer big, monolithic culture. Things are more complicated these days. Content delivery has become atomized, thus rendering precisely tailored media experiences and values in ways the modern world has never seen before. While big, mainstream media events still have currency, the range of possibilities have narrowed precisely because there are fewer big tents anymore. Everyone stays inside their own camp more and more, and it’s rare for people to sit next to people they haven’t already identified as members of the right clan.

This is all about tribalism versus trend-spotting. Where minorities, cultural niches, and special interests once had to shoehorn themselves into less specific media experiences, they could project their own identities (at least) into big, fantastical entertainments. There were thought experiments that could be bolted on to mainstream, middle-of-the-road stories. But now in an era where many subcultures are, finally, more free to be themselves (although let’s not pretend: there are still miles to go!) big tent entertainments of the past do not necessarily have the same magnetism for subcultures of the present. Implication of commonality in big corporate entertainments is no longer adequate when people have a much better chance of actually finding commonality simply by typing their tribal self-descriptions into a Google search box.

There’s still more. Ordinary technical competence is no longer enough to confer quality. Movies simply are expected to deliver extraordinary visuals and sound. The democratization of sophisticated tools have enabled mediocre artists to delivery surprisingly polished works, at least superficially. Where stories of fantastic worlds used to capture pop culture attention, they do not necessarily do so anymore. Spaceships and aliens are easy; good stories about them are not. Dystopias used to be all the rage, but hey! Who needs an artificial dystopia these days? Have you spent any time reading the news lately?

We live in a darker time, where white hats and black hats aren't as easy to pick out of fictional crowds as they once were. In Raiders of the Lost Ark, one of Spielberg’s great youthful entertainments, we knew who the bad guys were because they wore Nazi uniforms. A decade later we knew who the bad guys were in Amistad (well intentioned, but not nearly as good) because they were the ones buying and selling slaves at auction. Since then, audiences demand more. While slave traders or their apologists will never have even the smallest measure of acceptability, other stories demand more nuanced presentations.

In the real world today, the most accomplished, most daring American explorers fly to the International Space Station to share months on orbit with Russian colleagues. It’s ironic. The levels of technical, scientific, and interpersonal trust necessary for life and work on ISS are extraordinary and highly complex. Considering the profoundly distrustful animus between our countries—Russia: the country that purportedly tried to sabotage American elections— it’s hard to know what side anyone’s on anywhere. Ethics have all become contextual. They always were, but before atomized modes of information consumption emerged (think Twitter, YouTube, Facebook), broader expressions had to contain more diverse groups. Now we want to see more nuance and texture in our media diets, and because we now can in ways we never could before, all of the media mechanisms we used to think would work….might not!

Ultimately, we we return to “Ready Player One”. Do we believe in the story? Are the promises of endless pop cultural references going to work like one long, self-referential tickle-in-the-ribs? Is it perceptive enough to make use care? Is it good, or is it just showy? Is it cool? We’re going to find out in 2018. It might be a blast. It might be a dud. But one thing we do know for sure is that the maxim attributed to screenwriter William Goldman remains eternally true: “Nobody knows anything.”

@michaelstarobin

facebook.com/1auglobalmedia

#Spielberg #culture #dystopia

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sagastar-blog · 7 years

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MemoToTheMetricVerse 2.3 “Surgery on the Self”

SagA* (a galaxy-shredding and mathematically impossible black hole at the center of the Milky Way...a kind of drain monster.): Hey Jeff and Gaia. Hey Amateratsu. Hi Lucius. How are you all?

Amateratsu: Hi!

Gaia: Hello. Say hello, Lucius.

Jeff: Well, we seem to have gotten ourself in quite a predicament, here, SagA*.

SagA*: I am located in a quadrant of this particular galaxy that your mainframe indicates you as a human designate as metaphorically within the constellation “Sagittarius,” The Archer. This is corr3ct.

Jeff: Yes. Do we have to cover this every time we get together?

SagA*: Hilarious. (It fakes laughter. This banal black hole doesn’t emit sound, but speaks through HiveMind only. This is thanks largely to the limitations of Earth science, the nature of gravitational waves, and the impermeability of the event horizon in question. Jeff’s communications with SagA* are currently limited to HiveMind because the humans have taken Lucius’s telescope, Hubble, from us...and by obscuring the sky with light pollution, creating an impermeable boundary between ordinary stargazers and the heavens used by their ancestors and previous generations for many useful functions.) Hilarious!

Jeff: I was born on Earth on Dec. 11th 1977, making me a Sag according to the ancient human art of astrology. This means nothing to me accept that Lucius is a Gemini.

Pollux and Castor (sound as if they’re in a greenroom in a backstage area): Jeff, we liked your Fred and Ginger moment the other day!

Gaia: OOOOOOhhhhhhhh. Hey. Hi there guys! MMMMmmmm.

Jeff: Gaia! Please restrain yourself. We are being serious here. Put your pants back on this instant young lady! I will not tolerate your bipolar antics in this cosmos!

(Gaia growls like an enormous tiger or volcanic bubbler)

Amateratsu: I might need to talk her off later.

Jeff: Don’t worry, Earthlings. You’re just having a musicomystical, pseudo-McFrightening MotherMyTussin’ experience. This nightmare will end soon, I promise.

SagA*: Samuel Beckett was such a bitch.

Jeff: Gilda Radner was one of my very favorite mes!

Gaia: It will take you 1.7 billion years to clean me up after the damage you have done; it will take you this long to understand anything Jeff has said.

(Jeff continues drinking his coffee at OQ in The Orchard, despite the fact that it’s not 3:20 on Friday December 1 2017 anywhere else in this particular dimension. He says, “God Bless You,” in German to the unfair game sitting next to him. Jeff’s quarry, in the form of two Rutgers undergraduate students--likely juniors or seniors--sits 10 feet away to his ENE.)

Jeff: OOOOOh, I love MantraBook! Umm, let me try another: “Gaia is so scary!!! Jeff is so nice.”

SagA*: How are your ratings, Jeff?

Jeff and Lucius (together): Not good enough!

Gaia (reverent outdoors, save for the swaying of the tall trees in the far distance): As always, your public relations department is seriously underrated, Daddy-ohhhhhMMMMMMMMY, Amat!

Jeff: Gaia, please continue texting your brother. I worry about the impending ice age.

Gaia: As do I! Oh humans!!!!!!! (Gaia sends a destructive earthquake to southern Ecuador, killing approximately 350,000 people.)

Jeff: Please remind the people about why the Earth is ending. Please remind the “passengers” of our ship, those who’ve attempted to commandeer it, what you think of their attempts to harm you by making you sick to your stomach, and who’ve tried to implant little technological chips in your uterus?

Gaia: We don’t like you, humans. I want to eat all your cancer babies.

SagA*: I like that the humans are helping! But if I don’t get to have my date with Gaia because you steer incorrectly, I will be very unhappy when you arrive for dinner at my place.

Jeff (speaking into the PA microphone aboard spaceship Earth): I think what it’s trying to say is that you don’t make much sense, people. All praise to open access, though! Death to all those who think it’s okay to pollute the atmosphere by driving cars? No wait, that’s not what I’m saying at all, is it...? Ahhh, yes.

(Jeff is pretending to be flummoxed, as he sometimes does. He’s ancient and yet eternally young. Get used to it. Even as a human being, he’s the life force, and Gaia, his “daughter,” is death incarnate, the one parent of all that lives on Earth. We are a part of it, and it is the totality of us. But there is more than just Earth in existence. In fact, there is much more than you can imagine.)

Allow me to illustrate...(Jeff begins drawing with his finger on an imaginary 3d telestrator)

I have been wronged. I have been wronged by every single person living, directly or indirectly. Lucius and his Daddy are the only two people on this Earth who are innocent. I admit that there are individuals aboard this ship, as in the case of young children or even newborn babies, who are not culpable of contributing to the evil on board that is ENVIRONMENTAL POLLUTION in its myriad forms. The failure of humans to take care of the planet is legible in the state of the global environment. From our perspective (Gaia looks approving, with eyes smoldering), the problem of pollution is “newish” and entirely explicable. It is also unnecessary. There are fundamental problems with human civilization in this phase of its existence. In other words, pollution is merely a symptom of systemic flaws in your human infrastructure. The problem is far too vast and deep to describe here: Earth is a mess, people, from top to bottom. Again, Gaia!!!

Gaia (unleashes a typhoon and tsunami towards the islands of French Polynesia, wrecking havoc on the Vietnamese fishing industry, as the unfortunate and poor suffer the greatest losses): It will take you 1.7 billion years to clean up my oceans. You will not understand anything Jeff has said until this precise moment in chronological narrative Earth timulsineity.

Jeff: I’m sorry it has to go this way, people. It’s not my decision. You’ve treated the Earth very badly after it was entrusted to you. More problematically, you’ve treated me, Dr. Jeff Rufo, very very poorly since I moved to NJ in the wake of Sandy. What’s the big difference between now and then? I haven’t been allowed to parent my own biological son since then. Lucius, you’re 7, correct?

Lucius: (silent)

Jeff: When we moved to NJ you were, what, 3? This is unacceptable, what is happening. Why am I not allowed to visit with my own son?

SagA*: Because in 2014 you agreed to enter into a drug addiction therapy program. You were coerced and your rights were violated because you were a victim of domestic abuse. You told the 911 dispatcher that you suspected you were a victim, but you did not press charges because in this world there are apparently no such thing as male victims of domestic abuse. At the very least, you were made to feel that you were less than an englightened human being.

Gaia (hissing, as a glacier in the near future): Say Jeff’s bipolar again. Say it.

Jeff: Let’s get one thing straight in this sutra: you will never know anything personal about me and you will never do what you’ve done here on this planet ever again, do you understand me? DO YOU? As a species, you rape my planet environmentally? Then you violate my civil and human rights without allowing me to advocate for myself? To this very day I am not allowed to visit with my own son. For what reason? I have been misdiagnosed, mistreated, and my rights systematically violated--laws have been broken, as I have been forced through intimidation and threat of homelessness into hospitalizations and therapies by police and members of my own family.

All because I smoke a tiny amount of magic herbs and practice my own religion. Oh, and I like to write creatively, as you can tell.

Lucius: Hey, Ader Abigail, the rabbinical churchmouse! Are you going to threaten Daddy for writing a Tumblr like you did when he had a FaceBook page called The Central New Jersey Coffeeshop Scuttlebutt, nowavailableforpuchase as a canonicalreligioustext? <command.> makes donation to “Lucius’s College Fund” (i.e. towards the immediate Denebolization of the planet Earth in the form of sustainable eco-friendly demolition, construction, and development...all to be approved by Lucius and Daddy obvi).

Jeff: Hey, Highland Park police department fascists who violated my rights and broke the law by forcing me to go to the ER in June 2017 despite having done nothing at all except to declare that the planet Earth wants to commit suicide? Oh, and you won’t give me back my souvenir Rhode Island pocket knife, which is supposed to be a sacred gift for Lucius, you pieces of garbage! Are you going to continue to send policemen to interrogate and intimidate me because I’m “flapping my arms like a crow” as I walk down the street? Oh, I’m sorry, I identify as a Native American, and this is how I practice our tribal ceremony known as “winter bird dance”!!! What’s that? Oh you need to run my I.D.? Okay, I guess that’s not illegal technically....it’s just immoral and offensive beyond forgiveness. Go ahead. I’m just the literary character formerly known as God, and now I have to deal with your evil...

Seriously. If you make me act out the role of a madman, I can do Hamlet for the next 40 years. I don’t find it amusing. You shouldn’t either. Every day is a great shame to you and your History, which should be blessed by my arrival. Seriously, people. I’m here to make everything okay. Why won’t you let me help you?

If you don’t want my help, continue behaving as you have been behaving. Your inability to recognize me will be your immediate downfall. Lucius will not be much without his father’s help. Just like you. Don’t get confused between what he is and what you are. I demand justice for the wrong that has been done to me, to this Earth’s exquisite ecosystem, to the people and animals for whom I speak.

Lucius: Without justice there is no peace. Without peace there is no mercy. Without mercy there is no forgiveness.

Jeff: It’s your move. The only thing you can do incorrectly is to continue doing what you’ve been doing...for 4 years, for 40 years, for 40,000 years....it’s the same path you’re heading down, humanity. Apologize to me. Apologize. Obey. Get on the ground when you see me.

Gaia: If you don’t get on the ground, you’re all going in the ground.

SagA*: I’m waiting. And if you don’t come to me, I will come to you.

Jeff: I have been suffering infinite suffering for nearly four years. This will all end very soon. As always, the choice is yours as to how it ends.

(getting ready to go to work, dons his Capella hat and announces:)

I suggest something I like to call “The Black Keys Car Service” solution to your planet’s problems! Allow me to explain...

Lucius: OMJ, I love the Black Keys Car Service. Can this be tonight’s bedtime story, Daddy?

Jeff: Okay Lucius, no problem beanbag.

Gaia (turning the page of Jeff’s book-in-progress): And you’ll never believe what happened next...

#justjeff #memotothemetaverse #copernamici #astrnomy #astrology #fan fiction #science fiction #science #poetry #comicon #comics #drama & poetry #dramaturgy #black keys

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