#he literally will do anything to be with stede i’m going to eat bricks

[dancrry]

“better alive than dead”

and then he literally stands in between stede and a firing squad if it means the english might not shoot stede. and then he temporarily retires from piracy to fight in an actual war for the english because stede is coming with him.

he is so in love with stede it actually hurts my soul.

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

our flag means death 1.09 & 1.10 thoughts

it is hilarious to me that i was like “i need this cute sweet show to balance out the suffering that killing eve is going to cause me!” let me just say: NOW I BETTER GET MY FAR LESS COMPLICATED OTP EVE AND VILLANELLE LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER, BLISSFULLY IN LOVE!!!!!!!! holy eff, i can’t really remember being THIS hurt by a television show or a story in general in a long time. pulling no punches, david jenkins, you heartbreaking bastard, you master of emotions! wow, wow.

real talk, i think i may have felt literally every emotion watching these two episodes??????? holy f.

like!!! the LOVE the “...you.” the KISSING the PLANNING TO RUN AWAY TOGETHER!!!!! the SWEETNESS the LOVE!

the PAIN!

everything about them thinking of each other in 1.10!!!!!! the love epiphany montage while mary was talking about love!!!!!!! “HIS NAME IS ED” RIGHT AS ED IS REVERTING INTO BLACKBEARD!!!!!! why won’t someone punch me in the face and end my suffering?!?!?!?!

and then -- and i did not actually clock this while i was watching, but it hit me like a ton of bricks afterwards -- stede pulled the same move on ed that he did on mary, i.e. abandoning him out of nowhere!!!!! but it was so much worse with ed because he and ed were actually in love!!! the contrast of mary living her best life and ed living his most heartbroken life and then just having a total freaking sanity break after izzy pushed him, oof.

the presence of toxic masculinity and abusive fathers has in this series is so fascinating to me and so visceral. (visceral!) the way that both stede and ed are grappling with it and SO deeply wounded by it, and the way it is the force that pulls them apart from each other, is just so painful, especially in a narrative about queer men. i feel like izzy just completely triggered all of ed’s abusive dad trauma there, paralleling stede’s lifelong trauma of being shamed over ~not being a man~. (that last shot of him SOBBING??????? so this show is supposed to be a comedy, huh??????????? taika’s supposed to be a comedic actor, huh??????) the fact that ed was finding a way to be happy with the crew and express himself even through his heartbreak over stede leaving and then falling back into that horrible, horrible brutality and darkness ........ fricking hell guys, this is gonna haunt me. such dark storytelling, so vulnerable and painful. which i guess makes a lot of sense and is tonally appropriate in a show that is, after all, about blackbeard!

related note to the above: i loved stede’s breakdown when he was confronted by ... guy who played frankenstein’s monster on penny dreadful (you can’t expect me to remember names at a time like this!), and how stede fully believed he was cursed and a monster. the parallel with ed, ow, OW!!!

(i also thought it was interesting that stede finally got some validation from his fellow men, and that partly they just seemed so impressed and inspired that he chose to do ANYTHING new in middle age after feeling trapped in the everydayness of life!)

sorry izzy, i’m GLAD ed made you eat your toe. you full on chewed up ya own toe and you deserved to! if anyone’s earned it, it’s ye!!!!! (i’m just gonna be an izzy hater because he ruined my life. i get that ed is responsible for his own actions but also i’m insane with grief right now, so. F U, IZZY!!!!!!!! but also good job being such an epic antagonist. but also, my god, i hate you. i hate you. eat all your toes, bitch!!!! and then your god damn elbows or something!!!!!!!!!!)

i refuse to believe lucius is dead until i see a body!!!!! they wouldn’t actually take lucius from us, would they? D: or from his babe black pete??

the books :’( the books that ed loved the presence of so much :’(

it’s hard to remember the happy feelings after that ending (THAT ENDING! NO!!!!!), but yayyyyyy jim and oluwande! what a good otp! now terribly torn asunder like ALL the otps!

i really liked how this episode did so right by mary and gave us such a look into her perspective and gave her such a voice. this show is very light on women but i REALLY liked how from early on it painted stede as in the wrong for having the privilege of totally checking out from his marriage and not trying (kind of a mr. bennet-y move) and i just LOVED getting to see what her life became after he “died.” what a great character she is!! the widow bonnet, rock on. <3

stede’s faked death was basically me dealing with my emotions re: the ed story developments. and then the piano fell on me!

genuinely cannot imagine what will become of me, of us all, if they cancel this one here, folks. aw, crap. i’m legit scared for us as a fandom society. :( prayer circle that hbo max has mercy on fandom for this one. i wonder if david jenkins is worried about us tonight. because HE SHOULD BE!!!!!!! (affectionate)

i’ll just be over here trying to understand how the blackbeard’s bar and grill snakery snackery flirting scene came from the same show as THIS.

i feel like i should be watching the pirates have an adorable talent show right now and stede get back to the ship so he can embrace ed joyfully. and instead we got this!!!!!!!!!! somebody bring me some therapy on a platter posthaste!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh god guys what if it doesn’t get renewed

also, i had a terrible red eye flight a few nights ago and i spent it deliriously writing random bits of a fic where ed and stede build a blanket fort together and so ed moping in a blanket fort having the ghosted-by-my-bf blues genuinely shocked me a little. i am at one with the ofmd-iverse. my version was much happier however. (but omg, everybody’s reaction to his song lyrics!!!!!!!! ed sweetheart come back!!!!!!)

SEASON TWO, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE!!!!!!!

stede pretending to talk to ed at the dinner table when all he had was the petrified orange they found on their treasure hunt date! :’(

someone please help me. i’m gonna barf. at least on an emotional level.

tomorrow’s gonna be fun for us here on tumblr.com! aaaaaaah!

can you imagine how painful season two is going to be

can you imagine the effing interactions stede and ed are going to have

but to be without it would be a far deeper pain

is this a comedy

i am not well

p.s. the title makes more sense now

now i get why david jenkins was like “we need more seasons to fully tell this story” i bet he feels TERRIBLE FOR US. maybe he didn’t expect anybody to care quite this much!!!!! cut to: us, devastated.