#he literally had a fucking stupid bitch fit when i said i didnt wanna live with him anymore

[mangostar]

I LOVE TURKISH BREAD!!!!! 

[fontainefuckerys]

Okay but the women of Rapture.

Can we take a moment to talk about how wonderful they were. And how much they deserved something like birds of prey was for suicide squad?

The writing just makes me wanna table flip.

So example: Diane McClintock.

She was straight up a boring clichee pretty Girl Andrew Ryan had picked up from some bar where she was working (if I got that right from the book) and did his "I promise you heaven on earth if only you follow me and ill be passionate about it and nothing else" thing on her and she was impressed. Impressed by his strong character, his determination, his Charisma, his passion. She wanted to be less the empty pretty girl and more like him. She followed him blindly, loved him truly just to become nothing more than an accessory for social gatherings as soon as his interest had worn off. He made her his secretary after Elaine, his former secretary, decided for Bill and a family with him. (Bless them so much)

I assumr he didnt pick her because she was suited for this position, but simply because she was somewhat of his girlfriend and he could profit from that. And poor naive Diane probably still thought he believed in her, wanted to open doors for her, wanted to help her become successful as well, grow as a person.

I dont even wanna know what she thought about the "Jasmine Jolene Ryans favorite gal" posters all over Rapture. She still had the status of his girlfriend, attended dinner etc. With him. And then she gets him cheating on her pushed in her face all over Rapture? Ouch.

Then, New Years Eve 1959. The attack. She got severely injured and her mother fucking boyfriend couldn't make time in his busy schedule of martinis before 3 to visit her ONCE. Fucking ONCE.

So she tried to fix her face up, hoping Ryan would like her again like that. This woman had such a low self esteem at this point that she felt like the accident was something SHE was sorry for and had to work on so he would like her again.

In that one echo Ryan said something about suspecting her to have an affair with J.S. Steinman. At this point who could be mad at her honestly. Plus in the book it was written how he thought about whom of his friends he could pass her on to. Too much of a coward to just break up with her he tried to PASS HER ON LIKE DAMN SECOND HAND CLOTHING. FUCKS SAKE ANDY.

Okay okay focus focus.

So after he cheated on her publicly, dodged her as good as possible, didnt even visit her in hospital she was still on his side. She still supported him and his dream.

What made her turn on Ryan wasnt how he treated her. It was how he treated other people. And if that doesn't make her a good person who deserves a good ending I dont know who does. Oh WAIT. NO. THEY KEPT FUCKING HER OVER.

Okay so Diane finally notices what her fucktard of a boyfriend truly is and decided to join the resistance against him.

Diane-Naive-Pretty-Misstress-McClintock actually decided to "fuck everything" and just fight her ex and his stupid capitalism with firearms. Like I pictute her having the most pampered life ever, yet she just decides to fight for those people. Not because she had to. Not because Atlas payed her or something. She just decided to do the right thing in her eyes.

Im literally so emotional right now I feel like that is such a power move and I think we should worship her.

And this is where I'm getting angery at the writers for real.

This was such a nice plot. Such a good twist. 10/10 unpredictable, badass, breathtaking, show stopping... you know where im going.

But they decided "Nah were gonna let her seem like the bitch who sucked up to the both most powerful men and then get killed off just like that."

Why.

WHY?

WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!

It wasnt relevant to the plot, it didn't show more in depth about any character.

Whoever scripted this i just wanna talk....

Besides. Even if she knew that Atlas was Fontaine, and I dont think she had met Fontaine in person often enough to recognize his voice from a few words, but even IF she knew. Fucking Andrew Ryan traumatized her so much she probably would have high fived him about it.

I mean it wouldn't have fit his character to let her live, I get that but...

SHE JUST DIDNT DESERVE TO GET KILLED OFF BY ONE POWERHUNGRY GREEDY BASTARD AFTER SHE JUST ESCSPED ANOTHER ONE. WHERE IS THE JUSTICE?!

Remember when I said I'd talk about the women of Rapture? Here we have an essay about one of them alone and im angry enough to fistfight Ryans entire security and Atlas on my own.

So if you wanna chat with me about wholesome Diane headcanons or rage about it or I dont fucking know just please talk to me I need to talk about her okay?

Also I feel like my English gets worse the more emotional I get so you're welcome to read this in my aggressive German accent.

[marziblogsworld]

THIS SHOW WAS A MESS AND IT MADE ME A MESS. WELCOME TO THE REVIEW OF THE SERIES FINALE OF 13 REASON WHY.

Ok first thing first. I want to get something off my chest and that is, why I mean why is this school, this liberty high is still running, why this school not blacklisted or had a shortage of students after what everything happened from S1-S4. Like there was no series of people going to depression or 'high school shit' there were legit deaths. Death happened when students literally going around murdering other students. I mean this school went from trials to a murder investigation like i dont know but in my country thia school would have been closed by now or students would have withdraw from this harrowing place

SERIOUSLY METAL DEDECTORS, CAMERAS AND THESE TRAUMATISING DRILLS AND EXERCISES, and taking to apar where there is no fine line of morality or consicous. Putting these things doesn't show that you are helping them PRINCIPAL BOLAN it makes them think that they being watched. That these kids aren't to be trusted. I mean come on these are just kids. Sure messed up, but still kids. AND WHERE THE FUCK WAS MISS SHING!!!!!!. WHERE IS THE SCHOOL CONSOUSLLER IN ALL OF THIS SHIT!!!!,and dont you dare fucking tell me that she agreed to all of this bull shit.

*phew* i am like literally mad and angry over the whole school shit..... ANYWAYS! Talking about the whole story line of this series i feel like yeah it was good. I liked how they showed the aftermath of everything that happened in S3. Like i dont know about you people but for me the end of S3 was hard to digest and its good that they showed that even our characters are not A-Okay with all that they did.

I had high hopes for Winston Williams in this last season. I thought he will come with a full reckoning and tear down those ugly walls build around this squad and literally scare them i was let down. In the Start he was but then he was like kinda vanished in between and the JOCKS! took over,which brings me to my another rant.

Making shows like these,tackling things that are based on reality have responsibility to even show a number of possibilities of 'HOPE'. We watch shows like these because we resembles to what our characters going through or we had or have someone who was going through this and these shows should show a message that change is there and they should not think that this world is doom.13RW did some changes with girl power, standing up for what is right, raising a hand or a voice when something doesn't fit or is wrong so why couldn't they handle this jock culture. Why i always see jocks dunder and hot heads following like a flock of sheeps behind there captian and not have a voice. A change should be shown in them too that they are not heartless bitches. Liberty high put cameras to show that they protect there students but at the same time allowing those stupid Jocks to wear jackets that honour a fucking rapist infront of his victim which is totally triggering and unhealthy. He didnt fucking died or went to jail for BRYCE DEATH. HE WENT BECAUSE HE WAS A CONVICTED RAPIST and you are fucking HONOURING HIM!!!!!. I hate you Diego.There should be like a huge change in them since BRYCE was a jock and he was rapists. Monty was in the team too and he was convicted of sexual assult, there names, this team is like totally tainted and not raising a voice to clear there names and instead honouring them shows who you truely are.

I SAID ZALEX AND THEY HEARD ME!!. I got ZALEX and i dont care like in what way. I got it and it was AMAZING solid Friendship.

Recently watching Teen Wolf,loving 3B and then watching 13 Reasons Why and looking at Clay's condition all i have to say. NOGITSUNE! Is that you. Honey are you sure, you didnt travel into the wrong universe.

Okay now lets talk about the main part, that wraps this show under a neat little bow or in this case wrapping it carelessly and putting stapplers and glue and making it all yucky instead of a bow.

I mean like WHAT THE FUCK!!?!?. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT. The ending was bullshit and literally unnecessary. What was going on for the past 8 episode was amazing why did they have to put this. I mean why the Fuck would you want to put that shit there,only for shock value!!!!!!. I wanna know your reaction people. I wanna know what you guys feel,cuz i was angry and sad and upset and SHIT WE DONT WANT THAT. We fucking escape into our fiction world from our real one not to see that there is no hope especially when the world is falling apart when a ounce of love and hope is what we are finding right now, when everything is all bloody and messy and then you shove this shit infront of us. WAS IT JUSTIFIABLE?, WAS IT NECESSARY?. I think not. Moreover what kind of a message you shared that people like justin doesnt have a chance to do better, they will never survive or a person like Clay should not believe in love or mere the idea of it!! Because whenever CLAY JENSEN LOVE SOMEONE they leave him in one way or another and LIKE BULLSHIT WITH THE MESSAGE 'YOU SURVIVE'. So does that means that Clay jensen should just 'survive' and not 'live'. TELL ME PEOPLE I WANNA HEAR, IS IT JUST ME OR DO YOU PEOPLE FELT IT TOO. COMMENT BELOW.

Anyways. This show had many aspects and scenes that was triggering for alot of people out there, and if you feel like you wanna talk or rant even at my review i give you a full free chance to SPEAK UP! to say your heart out because i am hear to listen. BECAUSE WHOEVER YOU ARE, WHATEVER YOU FELT, WHATEVER YOU HAVE DONE. I AM WITH YOU because.....I LOVE YOU AND I HEAR YOU!!

#justindeservesbetter

#clayjensendeservesbetter

PS. sorry if it was too spoilery but i couldn't handle it.

[conchstellations]

watching the 1990 LOTF movie!! my reactions:

hello all!!!! i was bored at midnight again so here it is: me watchin the 1990 movie, for the first time, hell yeah!!!!! here we go!!! its got the other movie to live up to, so im excited for a comedy lmao!! tl;dr at end if u want!!! its kinda long btw lmao

- castle rock entertainment??? piggy u better watch out bro

- fuck is that the pilot???

- k this isnt a big thing but why are they in water? the plane left a scar in the earth, they were on land.

- okay, again, me nitpicking. but idk, to me, they dont look 12?? maybe its just cause theyre all dressed up n that but they dont look like 12 yr olds to me like the last movie

- why tf does ralph (?) have a glowstick lmaooooo

- why are they all together. where is my conch. wher are my stupid ass choir outfits. maybe im not there yet and they have them, but i want my stupid cloaks!!! jack would not stand for this!!!

- why TF is the pilot alive???

- am i supposed to know whos who by now?? did i just miss that?? which ones ralph? which ones jack?? wheres simon???

- conch??? the conchs main job is to bring them together, and here theyre already together so???

- piggy already makin me love him gosh piggy is child

- okay so im guessing brown hair kid is ralph

- piggy protecting conch rights

- i do like piggys sass... very iconic

- okay whAT??? is that blonde kid supposed to be jack?? first off, jack has red hair. second off, there is no way in hELL THAT MY basTARD child jack merridew would let ralph win the election just like that??? wheres my choir??? wheres my c sharp???

- okay jack would for sure call piggy shitbrain nvm

- mY CHOIR WOULD NOT ACCEPT THAT SINGING. 

- wheres simon????

- r they fuckin cookin lizards??? nvm look away simon pls dont be in this

- is thAT BITCH supposed to be Simon?? hes got a lot to look up to. also why the FUCK is the adult alive. taht ruins the whole purpose of the entire book

- was that a dream??? sorry im dumb af lmao

- alrght simon is kind of an adorable hild and he likes lizard maybe hes valid?

- idk.. for some reason this ralph isnt like, giving me ralph vibes?? hes just not bring like ralphish u know??

- now im getting a little bit more of our beloved lil bitch ralph..

- okay wtf is going on lmao

- “SHOVE THEIR DICK IN THE CONCH” had me laughing for a solid fucking 30 minutes. william golding who??? whoever wrote that line is the new icon

- ‘EAT SHIT AND DIE”  okay wtffff im so confused but also vv entertained

- for some reason jack’s character is like 100% off, but also somehow 100% on point “thats exactly what i meant” like holy shit. like idk hes not jack but just sometimes he radiates “jack if he was allowed to swear and was less of a lil bitch” energy

- ok simon and lizard?? valid

- i swear to FUCKING GOD i will kill that child!!!

- im gonna cry. wtf. why would you kill his lizard. even this movie’s jack seems like he thinks thats fucked up and hes a psychopath. also, lemme say, at this point, i think most of the book characters would beat the shit out of someone if they were mean to simon like that, bc the choir were his friends, and ralphs tribe respected him, sooooo

- why tf is it simons job to take care of the adult that shouldnt even be there? liek wtf hes grieving asshole

- no fucking duh hes scared of everyone but simon i would be too 

- honestly kinda glad they let ralph say fuck he deserved it

- “back off man im sick of ur shit and sos my gang” fuckin got em

- let me guess pilot dude is the new beast???

- honestly wtf is goin on lmao

- okay piggys actor actually made me sd when he was crying about his glasses so good job

- simon comin through with the glowstick. also, good job simon

- well at least the lord of the flies looks terrifying as always

- are samneric putting on warpaint this early?? bc i WILL NOT stand for that shit. i am a samneric STAN Ok??? they were two of the tHREE left when simon died who didnt become cowards and go savage. they wree LOYAL to ralph until they were LITERALLY tied up and FORCED to join jack, and even then they helped ralph!!!! so fuck u. samneric are better than that.

- oh simon :(

- im glad they actually kind of (?) shwed simon like with the pig head bc last movei it was just ike them flipping the camera from pig to si so idkk

- ok that was a pretty ralph move to bring up the fire 24/7 lmao

- piggytits?? tf

- simon with hus fuckin glowstick lmao

- awe, simon

- okay HOLY SHIT. the sounds of what i assume to be them fucking stabbing simon are horrific. and then that cut to simon’s fucking mutiliated corpse?? holy SHIT. like as much as im complaining, thats the gruesome shit i expect from this book. i was expecting them to shy away from it bc its so awful, but im SO glad they didnt, bc that gave me fuckin chills. finally, something i can praise them on. thats the lord of the flies i expect. 

- i feel bad for ralph.. good job

- ok good. samneric came back. good job again.

- ok. nvm. the disrespect to my loyal children. alright.

- okay that child screaming as hes being whipped?? wtf.

- ok that line of piggy being scared that the russians will take them nad make them go into the olympics? gold. 

- piggys laugh is so pure

- why the fuCK are they finding instruments lmao

- poor piggy

- did roger just wolf whistle at ralph what the fuck is going on

- holy SHIt this movie does not hold back on the blood. but, wheres my conch explosion?? if ur gonna show him getting hit u gotta show the conch exploding. although, the conch means like nothing in this movie lmao

- okay wow piggys dead body cool cool cool

- ralph fucking YEETED that kid to the ground lmao

- okay, ralph crying?? good acting

tl;dr/conclusion/my thoughts: hooooo boy so i see why everyone likes 1960 one better. 

first, lets start with the obvious: why this isnt lord of the flies. because its not. if this wasnt telling me that its lord of the flies, i would think of it as that, really. first off, the conch. the conch represents civility, it brings them together. its important. when piggy dies, it dies, representing how all civility is now gone. i maybe saw the conch three times this movie. didnt do anything.

second, the pilot, captain whatever. the point of the beast to me is that they made it up. sure, the corpse was real, but it didnt pose a threat, it was simply a corpse. they made it into what it was, therefore proving that they are the beast. sure, the pilot here was harmless, but he grbbed a boy’s foot and was therefore making himself a possible threat. maybe its not a big deal i guess.

third, the characters. the point of lord of the flies is that they are rich kids who havent gone through anything. theyre the perfect, spoiled kids who havent done anything wrong. half of them are in choir. chOIR. in this movie, lets take jack for example. they said he stole  a car and got sent to military school. no. the point of jack is that he was a perfect kid. leader of choir. he was manipulitive and got even ADULTS to trust him. its part of hs character, showing that this perfect choir leader kid went fucking insane to prove how literally everyone can be evil. also samneric???? the direspect!! they were loyal to ralph until they were tied up and FORCED to join jack, and even then, after roger like beat the shit out of them, they were STILL loyal. fuck you.

so those are the MAIN reasons why it wasnt lotf. 

now, what i liked i guess.

the swearing was NOT lotf, and it didnt fit with the story, but ill admit that i laughed, so i guess thats a plus.

second, i liked how they showed the gore, i guess? sounds weird, hear me out. lord of the flies is a gruesome, violent, awful book. theres descriptions of death in detail, and im so glad they showed it. when simon’s body was there, literally torn to shreds? the shock of it, the true savagery you see that these boys murdered him SO violently, is amazing, because thats the essence of lotf. simons death shows how theyve lost all their civility, and showing such a gruesome corpse really brings that through. so good job.

and now, of course, the obvious: thats not the characters i pictured when i read the story. simon doesnt look like that, ralph doesnt look like that, jack doesnt look like that.

 where did the choir go, too? forgot to mention that, and i think that also adds into the whole, theyre supposed to be perfect kids and then become savage thing. also, the choir was a group. they voted for jack and went with him for a reason. 

so yea, thats that. dont know why people would read this lmao but thats my thoughts!!!! i just need to keep myself busy when i watch movies and to make sure i focused, i figured id just write down my thoughts as i went. if u wanna watch for free, look up lord of the flies 1990 google drive. 

;)))) and yea im posting this at 230 am lmao why not

[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

Indie: [sends her the posts because no other way she'd see them] Rio: Shit, girl Rio: I was worried it might go down like this Indie: she's so extra Indie: never should have let him in the door Indie: the feds are gonna be hardcore @ it now Rio: Surely she let him out Rio: stupid woman Rio: but that's gonna pale in comparison now so Rio: What's Drew doing about it? Indie: boy was begging for a sick time & i gave it but its on me not him 😒😒 hold ur liquor u tourist Indie: hes flat roofin but other than that no thing to 👀 Indie: it b early tho & we all had a late Rio: They're a 24/7 services though, babe Rio: he'll be wanting to move his stash and generally clear his act up for the visit Rio: you too Indie: is it? on hols too thats a madness Indie: yeah the drum be clear of all his goods like that Indie: idk man mayb its chill like she gonna post that & not post up no harder than Rio: They might take xmas day off maybe but you know Rio: business as usual for all jan 1st Rio: well that's something Rio: maybe, but bitches like that LOVE making complaints about everything so maybe not Indie: she do have that talk to the manager vibe Indie: i done fucked up real didnt i? Rio: big time karen Rio: nah, in the eyes of everyone it's Drew that did Rio: but they won't be able to prove the drugs bit if they're gone so it's not enough to take you, a party gone wrong, bad judgment but maybe we can swing it that he was here somehow Rio: hmm Indie: but like he had mad trust for me & i brought him mad problems Rio: they're grown problems, he's big enough to fix 'em Indie: u too making ur nite go off on a real turn Indie: bet ur boy is bare vexed Rio: you know i'd rather you ring me than let it go more tits Rio: what are big sisters for Rio: but yeah, didn't even see him in the end so he ain't stopped Indie: innit Indie: tell him he can hit me up for something to take off that edge Indie: debts be paid around here Rio: um you ain't supposed to have no thing 'scuse you Rio: there's a plan here Indie: i gots places & heads to trust in Rio: nah, I'll make it up to him, don't worry 'bout that Indie: 😉😉😉 Rio: 😏 shush lil girl Indie: grown problems ur big enough to fix i kno 💋🤤🤤 Rio: so thirsty, go hydrate Rio: know you need to 😘 Indie: rude i got lipsed by bare boys last nite they were rigging dem bottle spins cos im 🔥🔥 dont b tryna put me out Rio: you need to cool off for a minute, bitch Rio: you in trouble Indie: not wit u Rio: yeah, don't push it 😉 Indie: 💔😢😢 dont do me like that on day 1 of the year 🙏🙏🙏 Rio: it started HOURS ago and I was still here with you cleaning blood out the carpet Rio: don't talk to me about day 1s when I'm clearly ride or die Indie: u kno im good for ious & i got mad love Rio: 🧡 Rio: i'm good really Rio: let's sort the actual situation Indie: u gonna charm the social for me? Rio: give it my best Indie: safe ✌✌ Rio: probably the straightest middle-aged lady Rio: so more likely your da will have to get on it Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: what drew b good for Rio: init tho Indie: we all been knew Indie: he better werk so it works Rio: Sure it won't be too hard, like Rio: even if she ain't all that 😂 Indie: she aint gon b bangin but his exes show he aint need that to chirp on Rio: 👀 Indie: 😂😂😏😏 Indie: can u roll up wit eats im about to die Rio: bit rude to both our ma, like lmao Rio: 'course Rio: bring leftovers Indie: ur ma dont count as no ex cos she ✖ed him out Indie: & my ma got that permanent ✖ so bigger problems than my shade innit Rio: no problems when you an 👼 Rio: fucking hopefully Indie: u my 👼 bringing that energy Indie: that means u can jam Rio: is it? Rio: 😏 Rio: let Ryan know eh Indie: he kno u a 😈 too Indie: how he be livin Rio: mhmm Rio: well he gon' have to wait for now Indie: he gon have beef wit me Indie: soz boyyy Rio: nah we was already beefin' 'fore this Indie: yeah? Indie: what he do? 👀 Rio: nah, what I do more like Rio: you know I'm 😈 Indie: o shit Indie: gimme that 411 Rio: nothing exciting Rio: just be looking too bad to be giving him that much air, you know the drill Indie: hes so hyped for u Indie: its been weeks boy no u cant cuff it Indie: who u think u is Rio: can you blame him Rio: hot property, baby Indie: u did look 💣💣💣 last nite my bad Indie: theres a boy @ school tryna chat @ the rest hes my bf so i feel it fr Indie: boy please DO I LOOK LIKE Indie: not tryna hold ur damn hand Rio: is he cute tho Indie: if he werent he wouldnt be able to chat no thing Indie: 💪 fuck him up Rio: 😂 Rio: gotta 'tect the rep Indie: he kno it tho & its like tell me how 🔥🔥 i am dont b talking on urself all the time Rio: not a mood Indie: innit Indie: dry as Rio: that's boys for you Indie: & he didnt show last nite Rio: playing hard to get or just got parents who give a fuck Indie: year up x 2 so he could come thru the ends whenever Indie: but i 💋 all his mandem so itll hit back Rio: play @ his own game  alright Indie: do u think i went too hard tho? Rio: do you want him to be your mans or nah Indie: idk Rio: then it depends Rio: beyond knowing he loves himself, idk how he's vibing Rio: might be too far Indie: hes vibing like hes about me but i Rio: but you? Indie: how do i live that Indie: trust it Indie: drews meshing a new every week he says u gotta keep free on it Rio: works for him Rio: everyone's different Rio: you don't have to trust him yet Indie: mayb hes only about me til i give him something & im not tryna be a show like that Rio: that happens, not gonna sit here and lie and say it don't Rio: you're too young to be thinking on that or worrying Rio: keep him and the rest waiting Indie: yeah okay Indie: gimme a few to have puberty roll up Indie: still waiting on that Rio: it'll happen Rio: not that it's a barrel of laughs, like Rio: nothing to be hyped about Indie: i dont want it Indie: freaky shit going on Rio: unless you gonna stop eating, which unlikely Rio: you fucked, babe, we all are, soz Rio: get boobies though, perks Indie: that best not be you tryna skip on bringing me a meal bitch Indie: bout to hit the afterlife running here like Rio: 🙄 omw you rude ass hoe Rio: like you said, none of us had earlies Indie: omw fr or like when u tell ur mans u @ the club but u still tryin on fits in ur room Rio: like fr when I ever done you like that Indie: dont b starting Indie: ily Rio: 🤞 never Rio: ily more Indie: drews back if u wanna spit at him how to sort his life Rio: i will Rio: he ain't ready for this Indie: resolutions b dashing past this postcode we all avoidin that change Rio: you gotta Rio: sort you both Indie: hey swerve me im good Rio: 😏 Rio: fine i'll focus on your daddy Rio: no love for you Indie: 👼👼🤞🤞 Indie: call him that when you give it & he'll give in Rio: oh you schooling me on how to get blokes to do what I want now Rio: ok miss thing Indie: just him i 👂 what i hear & i kno what i kno Indie: hes here for all that Rio: you poor child Rio: anything grosser than parents going at it 😬 Indie: nah man its nasty & long being under this roof sometimes trust Rio: 🤢 Indie: some of his girls got me tempted to 📱 the social my own self & my ma looking like a saint Rio: that ain't right Rio: negates any buffness he got going on Indie: why lads wanna get on or under ANYTHING?! Indie: true madness Indie: 😂😂😂 Rio: friction 🤷 Indie: yeah but like theres girls out there bringing it & you're gonna hit that Rio: he probably ain't got as much choice as he fronts Rio: lots of grown women ain't about his lifestyle so that leaves him w the younger ones who is Rio: stick at it too long, you get busted, just facts Indie: when you old & so is your baggage 😂😂✌✌ Rio: I mean Rio: I ain't say nothing 😉 Indie: keep that ☮ mama Rio: least he looks p young still Rio: nothing worse than an actual creepy old man dealer Indie: do he? 👴 to me Rio: nah Rio: he only what, 31 Rio: that's no thing to me, gurl Indie: mayb im just 🍋 cos he aint tryna gimme no 💸💸💸 Indie: & he aint caring my head hurts Rio: aw bb Rio: 'round the corner Rio: I'll look after you Indie: 💖💖💖 Indie: u didnt tell me it b like this tho partying Rio: didn't think i had to be that quick with the warnings Rio: next day hurts Indie: always? Rio: 'less you prepare and do it right Rio: it can be bearable Rio: better than you feeling, no doubt Indie: how i do that? school me yeah Rio: 'course Rio: on the to-do list now Indie: we doing the next as a back to school thing so you got a few to bring me up Rio: you best be doing it at some other fucker's gaff and all Rio: giving me grey hairs 🙄 Indie: 😂😂✌✌ Indie: imma make that boy host it Indie: if he love me Rio: You're getting a chaperone regardless Indie: serious? Rio: yeah Indie: 💔💔💔 Rio: don't start like you don't know why Indie: i aint trippin you are tho if u think i want a repeat Rio: what, you too cool for me now? Indie: innit 😏😏😏 Indie: but nah just Rio: you so is Rio: you think imma embarrass you in-front of your mans Indie: he aint gon b my mans if u there Indie: whos 👀 me over u Rio: nah don't be silly Indie: im being real Indie: ur 💣💣💣🔥🔥🔥 Rio: so are you Rio: and I don't think a lad who likes you will be into me Indie: every lad b into u they all chat on u fully 😍😍😍💘💘😍 Rio: sounds like plenty are into you too Indie: 😂😂 it was for the spin Indie: cant pussy out Rio: 😏 mhmm Rio: well I promise you I won't be joining in, like Rio: now come let me in if you got strength to get the door Indie: 💪💪 babyyy Indie: [lets her in cos fuck know what drew is doing, flexing in the mirror probably] Rio: [lol watch him rush out when he realize] Indie: [hears her voice & runs out pretending to be casual] Rio: [oh boy, do not deserve her sorting your life, temporarily, but it's for Indie so] Indie: [bless her she's dying rn & just wants to be snuggled cos literal child] Rio: [give them a sec 'scuse you sir] Indie: [I hate everything about this, Carly didn't die for this] Rio: [just making leftovers] Indie: [drew chatting to her like she's here to hang with him & we all know] Rio: [don't you touch caleb's food bitch] Indie: [is nothing sacred you slag] Indie: [indie just fully lying stretched out on the counter like its a bed like let me die] Rio: [getting a bag of peas or some shit in a tea towel and putting it on her head] Indie: [such a good mum but that don't mean you can step ma her drew] Rio: [not her fault she can converse more like a grown-up than you Indie: [we should send Indie running off to the bathroom no offense Caleb but I'm evil & wanna leave them alone for a sec for the mood] Rio: [shoulda gone to hold her hair but now you can level with him and he can pretend he's a responsible adult lmao] Indie: [& Ryan can be highkey & he can pretend he cares] Rio: [ah the joys]

[ilygsd]

odfidk: 300418

hi im apologizing in advance to anyone who happens to read this but this is more for myself cus man i just had a huge fight with my white parents and im so frustrated that they dont understand and im so frustrated im so lonely and depressed and im so frustrated this sucks and yeah i really dont have ANYWHERE else to vent so here tumblr here u go pls u have been warned im having like an anxiety attack or smth right now so nothing will make sense anyways go away

i want to die. and i also wanna murder every single white person i see. for real i just really fucking hate white people. they literally destroy everything and i cant do this anymore. I CANT STAND BEING ISOLATED. my traumatic mental issues are preventing me from getting any friends (especially poc friends) so all i have is my stupid fucking white family and they just make me feel even worse. also my social anxiety prevents me from seeking help too because apparently you have to call these stupid psychologists and you cant just mail or text them or let a parent call them for you and calling people i dont know and talk to people i dont know is like a part of the problem i need help with?? like WHO WAS RHAT FUKING IDIOT WHO CANE UP WITH THE IDEA ”oh lets force our clients to call us in order to get help” LIKE DONT U FKN UNDERSTAND SOME OF US CANT. also most of the psychologist are probably white anyways and i really can’t handle whites anymore at all. just the thought of it makes me wanna puke. a part of me doesnt even wanna talk to a non-adoptee??? but that’s not very realistic. all i want is at least a NON-WHITE psychologist and where the fuck do i find that

i can’t talk to anyone. i don’t have a safe space anywhere except for online among other asians who hate whites. i feel like a prisoner in my own home. BITCH I CANT BREATHE 😭😭 I CANT REST 😭 WHITES ARE EVERYWJERE AND I LITERALLY HAVE TO LEEP MY MOUTH SHIT AND BOTTLE EVERYTJING UP UNTIL I EXPLODE LIKE THIS AND WANT TO DIE 😭😭 hate my white family so much i want to cut them off from my life forever. but thanks to my stupid abandonment issues and generally just mental illness and unhealthy perception of relationships i’m too scared to cut them off. i’m not strong enough to be on my own. i’m not capable of making friends. look at me im fucked up. i dont have any friends anymore cus i always manage to fuck things up and now im to tired and anxious to even try.

i also cant speak my mother tongue bc my stupid white parents let me grow up with only other whites and no exposure of my original culture or anything so THANKS TO THAT i’ll never get accepted in asia. i wont even get accepted by ”ordinary” asian immigrants or the asians born here cus at least they have their parenrs and relatives and part of the culture while i have…….. nothing. also i live in fucking sweden and even though we gor 20% poc here they’re literally nowhere to be seen cus my city is SEGREGATED AF and my awkward ass dont know how to approach other poc without being like ”HEY YO LETS BE FRIENDS ILY DONT LEAVE"

i hate myself, i hate my life, i hate my situation, i hate white people. i hate everyone. i don’t see any hope. i don’t see a positive future. and even if i did, id only see the negative shit that would happen after bc man life always disappoint me. and that shit would definitely be the death of me cus i woudnt be able to take anymore disappointments. the only thing im holding onto right now is that i’m too lazy, to tired and too scared to hurt myself.

also bc i REALLY wanna go and see bts lmaooo i didnt even know this was so important??? its not necessarily bc of them i mean i havent been into kpop for very long but then i found myself feeling this INTENSE ANXIETY THAT I NEED TO SEE THEM. it feels like its now or never. its my only chance. it feels like im gonna DIE IF IM NOT SEEING THEM. not only to see THEM but to see ASIANS. like im desperate bitches it sounds so fetishizing but for real i need POSITIVE ASIAN REPRESENTATION AND YOU COULD BASICALLY SAY BTS AND KPOP HAS SAVED MY LIFE BECAUSE GOD DAMN IT IT SOUNDS SO CHEESY BUT THEY REALLY HAVE!! not obly cus they’re asian but also cus theyre friends and i dont jave any friends so all i do is watching their friendship and dream about smth ill never have

but hey i probably wont get any tickets and tbh i can already feel that thats gonna make me depressed af. especially when all these ugly rich white koreaboos will be seeing them and im here all alone, feeling like the only ones i can turn to is a fucking kpop group. how fucking sad isn’t that. i’m not even korean, but it’s like they’re the closest i can get. whites be taking iver everything. i grew up in a fkn white family i know jow they think. they dont. my family isnt even ”racist” theyre racist cus theyre white u get me. like they dont undersyand the hidden racism by calling it an ordinary asian store ”china store” its so normal to them. all my life ive wanted to be a whitey AND NOW WHEN I FINALLY FOUND KPOP THEY WANNA STEAL THAT SHIT TOO OMG IM GOING NUTS

like racists always tell me to go back to my country BUT I NEVER FKN CHOSE TO BE HERE MY PARENTS LITERALLY BOUGHT ME THEY EVEN GOT 80K FINANCIAL CONTRIBUTION FROM OUR GOVERNMENT SO THEY COULD AFFORD MY ADOPTION BUT OUR GIVERNMENT CANT EVEN HELP ME WITH A TINY RE-VISIT TO THE FUCKING PLACE I WAS BORN AND THE ORPHANAGE I SPEND MY 2 FIRST YEARS IN??? like ffs i have to deal with racism 24/7 but give me some fkn money and i’ll be off in a week fuck YOU. at the same time all these nasty white rich hoes can travel across asia like 55 times a year just to exploit our culture and treat my people like SHIT AND NOT ONLY TJAY!! not only cant i go back to my country while whites can…. I CANT EVEN FUCKING SEE THIS ONE SINGLE KPOP GROUP I LIKE WITHOUT THESE FUCKTARD CUNTS NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTROL THEIR COLONIALIST GENES AND STAY IN THEIR FKN LANE

ANYWAYS also also my white brothers make fun of bts and kpop cus they think its just “another stupid boyband” like 1D or smth because their stupid white ass cant comprehend they have 2 asian sisters and that one of them maybe miss her fucking race and hate her life so fucking much that the only thing she’s doing right now is to watch anime and kpop 24/7 bc that’s the only thing she can escape to

ugh i always hate ranting like this cus when i’ve revovered i will cringe so much and i will regret everything i’ve said and i will act fine and i just wanna forget that this ever happened and euw. i just REALLY hate white people and seeing bts would honestly make me so happy. i have a goal of travelling back to china when i have the money but its so far away, im broke, and my parents would rather spend the money on greece for the 6th time than visiting the place i was born SO WHEN I SAID SEEING BTS WOULD GIVE ME ENOUGH DOPAMIN TO SURVIVE ANOTHER YEAR I WASNT FUCKING LYING I NEED SMTH TO HOLD ONTO!! I NEED ASIANS IN MY LIFE GOD DAMN IT

and i HATE that white people take it so personally like my dad is so fkn stupid he must think being schizo cus really cant understand the difference between individuals and groups so when i be lile ”i hate u” and ”ily” he’s like ???? 😭😭😭 god i dont even know if i love em anymore tbh, theyre THAT fkn dumb and then i dont even wanna IMAGINE other adoptive parentS OMG like no wonder so many adoptees grow up with HUGE internalized racism issues smhhh thats sad af cus they be turning their back on their poc cousins just to fit in and be loved by their parents 😭😭😭 rip

[ughmega-blog]

Nightmare to a Dream💔..❤️

When i first saw you i never knew i would feel a certain spark connect with anyone..I never really knew how that felt until the day i saw you. It wasn't anywhere special just in a gas station. You looked familiar. I had known you from a guy i had been dating. I didn't really know you. All i really knew was that you were cool with him. That moment i saw you in the gas station..I could never take back that moment. When i looked at you it felt like it was a long stare. I smiled and you smiled back. I felt so happy inside and actually felt something in my heart. After you left that gas station i had a feeling in my gut. My gut screamed “Find out who that guy is”. I texted the girl i saw you with. I asked her about you. Asked her for your social media. I texted you. I actually got nervous. I wasn't sure about texting you. I thought you wouldn't like me..I honestly didn't even think you would talk to me to be honest. I was sitting there on my bed when i got a notification on my phone. I saw that you had texted me back and i literally wanted to scream into my pillow. All i thought about was hanging out without you. I texted you and asked if you wanted to hang out. I had mixed emotions and my stomach felt like it was about to burst. I was excited but scared also happy but a nervous wreck. You texted me back asking when i wanted to hangout and i was so jumpy inside so i replied “My dad leaves at 5 for work. Come over at 5?”. At that point i thought you would think i was crazy and out of my mind. You texted me back saying that it was fine and you would see me then. I was confused. I had never had a guy stay up and come over at 5 in the morning for me. At that point i did my makeup, did my hair, and put on clothes. I was ready for 5 o clock. It felt like hours upon hours sitting there listening to music just waiting for you to come over. You didn't feel like a stranger to me. I didn't get any weird feelings for inviting you over actually. It felt amazing. Like i had just won a medal at a race. Soon after the hours were up and my dad left i texted you immediately. You texted me “Im on my way over”. I was so excited. You showed up to my door. Knocked on it a couple of times. My heart raced and my mind filled with thoughts. I made my little brother go answer the door because i got nervous. You showed up with 3 other guys. One being my ex and when i saw him my heart dropped. I said in my head “Are you kidding me”. At that point I kinda wish you never came but its not that i didnt want you there. it was my ex. See, I left and got away from my ex after we broke up. It was so weird being around him when he came over with you..It just didn't feel right. We all kinda messed around and just talked. Thats when my ex was in my little brothers room. We were about to leave so i went in there to tell him to come on and that we were leaving. He pulled me by my arm. He tried to kiss me. He sat there and told me the same bullshit lies that pulled me in every time. He said “I love you” and “I miss you”. Nothing i haven't heard before. I didn't like it. Thats when i walked away. We all packed in your friends car. 4 in the back and 2 in the front. We all went to waffle house. Everyone was hungry except me. I couldn't eat. Part of me didn't feel right being with my ex. It felt un-normal. I didn't like the thought of it. Lets say i was trying to move on and do myself for a little while. That didn't help being with him. We walked into waffle house and me and my brother sat down. You sat with your 2 friends on the other side leaving my ex to sit by me. Yeah thanks. No but really. I guess waffle house was going good. We all got our laughs in until thats when my ex started touching my thigh and i freaked out. I didn't really know what to do..It was weird. So i guess thats how i ended up spilling orange juice all over him. Oh god it was so embarrassing. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. I didn't really know how to feel. My ex was pissed. So pissed that he left and walked out to the car. I felt bad after that but then you brightened everyones mood and told me not to worry and that it was pretty funny. You made me feel better. After waffle house we made a trip to your house. We had to pick up my exes car. You wanted me to go inside your house and i was scared. I thought what if his mom doesn't like me and oh well what if I'm not welcome. I just had thoughts so i told you I would wait in the car. After we dropped him off to his car you told me to ride shotgun. It made me feel special actually. We all took off and met at wal-mart. We all got out of the car and my ex got out of his. I walked in with no shoes on cause that day i didn't even wear shoes. Yes, i was that lazy. I walked into wal-mart and the girl kicked me out for no shoes. Your friend let me wear his shoes and we all went back in. It wasn't anything exciting really we went and got a radio and went back outside. We all sat in the car because my ex was still inside. Thats when you were fixing the radio and you got a call. From a girl. I thought it was your girlfriend and kinda figured i should back off. It kinda pushed me back a little and made me feel as if i didn't have a chance. Thats when you started yelling. Kinda frightened me..I thought i did something wrong because i heard you say “she's not my girlfriend” and i got confused. I asked you who it was and you said “somebody stupid”. She kept calling. Call after call after call. I finally asked you to let me answer. I answered the phone to hear “You stupid bitch. If you wanna fight then pull up to my house. I don't give a fuck”. I wonder why you even talked to this crazy of a girl. I explained to her we were just friends and that i was hanging out with you for the day. She started crying and said she wanted to get picked up and i said why not. We stopped by quick trip and you cleaned off the car. I took a video of you because we were actually having fun. I enjoyed watching you clean off the car. You actually looked pretty cute while you did. We left quick trip and we were on our way to this girls house. I was sitting in the back seat when she walked out. She started asking about me and you. Asking if i was your girlfriend and if we were talking. I said no. I didn't really see why it mattered. She seemed so worried about your relationship life. I figured she liked you. I wasn't dumb. Thats when you told me get in the front seat. She threw a fit about you asking but i didn't really care and hopped in front. You told me we were gonna hit a back road. Of course i hadn't been back roading in forever and figured why not. It seemed fun. Thats when we went and got on a backroad. One of the boys in the back got in a fight with the girl and she started crying and begged for the front seat. Im not gonna lie i sorta felt bad for her but not bad enough i wanted to give up the seat next to you. Going down that road you started singing to me. You looked at me and i looked at you. Eyes basically locked on each others, I felt like i had the world in my hands. Literally. Your smile was so bright and there was something about it that just made me feel so good inside. I instantly fell in love with it. We went into town in grandview and you stopped at a gas station. That girl begged me for the front seat and I gave it to her cause i thought maybe she would shut the fuck up. Her crying was killing my head. So bad that my head was pounding like never before. You asked if i was hungry and all i really wanted was medicine for my head. We finally dropped her off and god i couldn't have felt any better. Honestly, after that i never wanted to see her again. We went back to your house. You asked me to go inside again and i still felt shy and you said it was alright. You came back out and you saw me resting my head down and me holding it. You grabbed my arm and said “Are you okay”. I said “Yeah, My head just hurts”. You said “I can go get you some medicine”. That really touched my heart that you cared to help me. You went in a brought me medicine. After that me and you just drove around all day. We talked and talked. I listened to you and honestly your talking never got tiring. I felt like i could listen to you for days upon days and never get tired of your talking. It was amazing sharing old memories with you. I would never ever replace that first day spent with you. It was amazing and I am so glad I got to be with you. It lead us to an amazing part in our lives today. I love you. Your amazing. Always keep your head up. Also, Know that your an amazing skater. The most amazing skater I've seen. Being honest. Ever since i watched you skate i fell in love with it. I love to watch you skate. I love skating in general. I just never want you to give up. I believe your going to make it somewhere someday and if it ends up to where you get sponsored and have to travel. I won't leave. I will still be here. I will be waiting. No matter how long you have to leave for it i will still be here waiting. I want you to live your dream. I want you to be successful at what you love. It would mean the world to me to see that happen. Honestly, I will always be by your side. When I say I love you i don't say it just because we are together or you say it to me and i say it back. I say it because i mean it. My love for you is very deep Justin Tyler Friend. Ever since i met you there have been feelings. Even when you left. We all make mistakes but we always fix them. Like when you skate. You don't give up after the first time of trying it. You didn't give up on me. You came back to fix your mistake and I hope you keep it this time. I really do. This thing we have together...I have never had with anyone else. The love i share with you is unreal to me. Its something so amazing to the point where it feels like a dream. You are they type of guy I see in my future when i get married, Get a house, Get a cars, Get jobs, And have kids. Basically start a life with. Your the type of man that makes me want to try. That makes me wanna succeed. You make me wanna make it and you make me wanna push myself..Most of all your the reason I'm not depressed..The reason i don't wanna stop breathing my last breath. Look you mean a lot to me and i couldn't thank you ever enough. I love you. Thank you. Thank you for these 6 months together💜

-Meghan Ashleigh Trageser

The one who will always love you❤️