#he literally changed the way i veiw myself as a person and the work i put out into the world

[adrianlikesdinos]

having one person that changed the entire tradgectory of your life to a point you remain in a constant state of awe and admiration around them when you remember it is really fucking embarrassing when he also happens to be the widely accepted most attractive of your schools teachers.

[mayraki]

CHAPTER TEN

“great things take time”

CHAPTER NINE

SERIES MASTERLIST

MY MASTERLIST

who is max belinsky?

concept boards for the new characters

summary: Max Belinsky and JJ Maybank are the two troublemakers of Outer Banks. Going to parties, getting into trouble, having an attitude and being the two people you don’t mess with are the perfect ways to describe them. What would happen when the two people who seem to have trouble follow them around meet? One thing is fore sure, they didn’t expect this outcome.

“Are you ready for the craziest party of the year?!” John B yelled once he entered the Chateau.

“Wooohoo!” Sam yelled lifting her arms into the air.

“Like the enthusiasm!” He said. “We have to make the teams.”

“Teams?” Max asked confused.

“Yeah, we have to get a lot of stuff for the party. First of all, and the most important thing, the Kegs. The guy said he can’t come to leave them. Max, JJ, think you can handle that?”

“Is there something me and her can’t handle?” JJ asked while giving Max a smirk.

“I agree.” She said while pointing at him.

“Finally!” Hi lifted his fist into the air celebrating. “We agreed on something.”

After organising what was left to buy for the party, Kie with Sam, went to buy some red solo cups, Pope, John B and Sarah all went to spread the word around Outer Banks. It was going to be the biggest party they’ve all seen.

“I’m not surprised John B made us go to the get the Keggers together.” JJ said when he and Max were inside her old white Jeep. “We are the perfect team.”

“Well, I’m not surprised that you like the idea of me and you together.” Max started the car.

“Why?” He asked furrowing his eyebrows.

“You were the one who had a crush on me when we were kids.” He face palmed himself while Max bursted into laughter.

“Alright, hey John B, I’d like to change my partner.” He let his head out the window but it was too late, since Max had already started driving her car away from the Chateau.

“Too late, baby! You’re stuck with me!” She said between laughs.

“JJ, you are reading the map all wrong!”

“No, I’m sure it’s this way.”

“It can’t be, this is literally in the middle of nowhere. Where did John B said this guy was going to be?”

“I don’t remember the address exactly-”

“JJ, you didn’t wrote it down!?”

“It wasn’t that difficult! I thought I was going to remember it!”

“Well, clearly, you thought wrong! I can’t believe we’re fucking lost, no, we’re most than lost! This is a disaster.” She let her back hit the back of her seat while letting out a big sigh. “I’ll text John B to send me the address again.”

“Would you calm down? Look.” He pointed at some girls on the beach. “Let’s ask them.”

Three girls were walking closer to them with boards next to their bodies. They had long hair that would end up on their waist, surf suits on with backwards caps on their heads.

“Watch this.” JJ said once they were closer to them. Max lifted her eyebrow while following JJ with her eyes. She noticed he was doing his “famous” flirt with them. She crossed her arms across her chest while listening to the girls and JJ. “Hello ladies. Have any of you pretty ladies know this area well enough to helps us out here?”

Max let out a loud sigh after hearing his words. She rolled her eyes trying to convince herself what she was feeling inside wasn’t jealousy.

One of the girls furrowed her eyebrows confused before turning her head to Max. A little smirk appeared on her face and then she went back to JJ. “What do you and this beautiful lady over here need?” The girl said with a raspy voice.

“Uh-Uhm.” JJ was left without words when the girl called Max “beautiful.” While she was trying so hard to not let out a loud laugh after seeing the famous flirt not work for JJ, she took some steps forwards to be closer to the girls.

“We are lost. Can you tell us where this direction is?” Max handed the girl her phone showing the text message from John B.

“Sure. It’s a couple of miles from here. Go to the left when you can’t go straight anymore and then you’ll see this giant green sign. It’s around there. You won’t miss it.”

“Thank you! We really appreciate it.”

“No problem! And hey, if you’re ever here again, I’d love to show you around.” She said and a little smile appeared on Max’s face.

“I’ll remember that.” Max slowly nodded before turning around and seeing JJ’s surprise expression. “That was something.”

“Huh.” JJ said. Max bit her lower lip trying to not let out a loud laugh that was fighting to come out. “Well-”

“Now, don’t get jealous, it would never work out between me and her.”

“Right... because you’re not into women?”

Max slowly shook her head. “We’re too far.” She said softly before going inside her car and enjoying the look on JJ’s face.

“The girl was right. The kegs are secured and we’re ready to head back.” Max said with a smile while looking at her back seat where the three keggers were.

“Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute!” JJ said excited looking through the window of the Jeep.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She asked confused.

“That right there is a 3100 Coronet. That’s one of the best boats in here probably, $300,000 easy. I’ve never seen one up close.” JJ said while pointing to the white boat parked next to a house across to where he and Max where.

“What is it doing there, and not on the dock? I mean, if I had a boat like that I wouldn’t have it parked on my house.”

“My dad and I could only dream of having a boat like that. What I would give to be inside of it.”

“Well... What are you waiting for?” Max asked before opening the door of her Jeep. JJ turned to her confused. “There’s no one around, no owner, not a single soul on the beach, wouldn’t hurt if we checked it out, would it?”

“Sometimes I wonder why I didn’t met you before.” JJ said with a huge smile on his face.

“Great things take time, JJ.”

They both walked out of the Jeep and started to slowly walk to the boat making sure no one was watching them.

“Sweet.” JJ said while looking at the boat like he was falling in love. Max furrowed her eyebrows confused when JJ touched the boat and started to smile like a five year old who was watching a toy he always wanted.

“JJ, you know it’s just a boat. Right?”

“Seriously Max? Just a boat? It’s more than that. It’s a really expensive boat, the leader seats, the giant driving wheel, not forgetting to mention the speed that this baby is capable of going.” He said that like he was actually offended of Max’s comment.

She just shook her head annoyed. But eventually, once she saw how JJ went inside the boat and started to be even more surprised about the buttons inside, Max wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

“Wow. It looks way more bigger once you are inside.”

“Yeah, this baby can hold up to 10 people. Can you believe that? 10!” He lifted his fingers in front of Max’s face but she pushed them away.

“It’s still a boat.”

“Well, it’s not a surprised that I like this boat who doesn’t have a personality. I used to have a crush on you.”

Max opened her mouth offended. “You don’t get to play the uno reverse card on me. That’s my thing to annoy you with!” She pointed at him but he just let out a loud laugh. “Oh, that’s how you want to play things, huh? Come here!” Max was quick and was able to grab JJ’s neck with her arm and wrapped around it, making his face go to her chest. With her other hand she started to rub his hair while he was trying to break free.

“Gosh! You’re freakishly strong..”

“Dude! I have two brothers, I had to learn how to defend myself.” Max said before letting out a big laugh at the attempt of JJ trying to get out.

“But, seriously Max, you think that I actually want to break free? Look where my face is.” Max looked down and realized that his face was really close to her chest, not even a finger could go through that space. She lost strength on JJ so he was able to gain his posture back, but Max’s arm was still around his neck, making their faces be really close to each other.

“You’re going to punch me now, are you?” He asked.

She unconsciously looked down to his lips. He did the same while his breathing was heavy. They both stayed on that position enjoying each other’s closeness. A sudden wave of desire came over Max and JJ, they both wanted to close the space between them but all the courage they both had on themselves went away.

“I don’t want to punch you.” Max said after going back to his eyes.

“And what do you want to do?” He softly asked.

“Hey! You two!” A man yelled behind them on the house. That made JJ and Max jump and take some steps away from each other. The man was quickly walking towards the boat and Max noticed he wasn’t very happy about it.

“He doesn’t seem very friendly.” Max whispered to JJ.

He quickly shook his head. “Want to run?”

Max turned to him and a little smile appeared on her face. “Always.”

He grabbed her hand and started to count to three, but the man was already too close to them, so Max quickly jumped out the boat with JJ behind her still grabbing her hand.

“Come back here you punks!” The man yelled while Max and JJ were running towards her Jeep. Laughs were coming out of their mouths when Max opened her door and they both where inside her car.

“Start the car woman! Start the car!” JJ yelled between laughs with his eyes glued to the man coming towards the car.

“Don’t you two dare start that car!” He yelled but it was too late, the car was long gone the road.

“Believe me, I don’t get scared that easily, but that man was scary as shit.” Max said when they could stop the laughter after making sure the man wasn’t following them.

“Man! Everywhere we go, we always end up running away from someone.” JJ said before letting out tiny laugh.

“It’s our lifestyle, dude. Get used to it.”

“Oh, I’ll get used to it alright.”

“What do you mean?” Max did a quickly look to him and noticed he was just staring at the window.

“Oh, nothing.” He said shrugging his shoulders. “Would you look at that?”

“What?”

“The sunset.” He pointed at the veiw.

“Well, unless you want to die I can’t look at it.” JJ turned to her.

“Let’s just stop then. C’mon.”

“No, we can’t, we have to make it to the party.”

“We have time!” JJ let his hand rest on her shoulder. But quickly took it away once Max lifted her eyebrow. “They won’t miss us.”

“Talk for yourself. I would be miss, a lot for the record.” Max said jokingly, but since JJ didn’t say anything, she let out a tiny sigh. “Alright. I do love watching the sunset.”

Max parked the car on the side of the road facing the beach. They both walked out of her Jeep and sat down at the front, having the best view of the sky and the ocean in front of them.

“Gosh, that’s beautiful.” She said softly.

“Thank you.” JJ said jokingly. She turned to him and a huge smirk appeared on his face while she was trying to not let out a laugh. He went back to the sky but she was still looking at him. There was something about him, something that didn’t give Max the need to punch him or be annoyed at his stupid comments. He made her laugh, she had a fun time with him, she felt... safe. Something that she didn’t felt with a boy in a long time. She recognised the feeling she was having inside her stomach, those butterflies flying like crazy, she remembered that. And all the lovely feelings that came afterwards, but also, the bad ones. The crying and the feeling of not being able to get out of bed. All those times she tried to have something like that again, she failed. The horrible memories came back to her mind like a train that didn’t have an ending. It felt like that train was never going to go away, and it will always come back when it’s needed. Needed to protect Max from future pain. She wanted it to stop, stop being so over protective over her and let her experience. But it wouldn’t let her, it was screaming on the back of her head “Don’t fall! It’s going to happen again! He’s going to break your heart!”

But Max knew, that it didn’t matter how much her mind was going to try to stop her, because sometimes, one can’t control what the heart wants and who it falls for.

“Ready to head back?” JJ asked and Max noticed that the sun was completely gone and the darkness surrounded them.

“Yeah.” She said softly before getting up and walking inside her Jeep to drive back to the Chateau.

“Let’s get this lazy asses to help us with the keggers.” JJ said after getting out of the car.

“Right. Let’s go get them.” Max and JJ walked to the house but when they didn’t hear any noise coming from inside, they both looked at each other confused. “Weird. They should all be preparing the things for the party.” JJ nodded. Max walked to the porch with him behind her, but when two figures moved on the inside and she was able to connect the dots on what they were doing, she quickly turned around hitting her chest with JJ’s and making himself fall back with her.

“What?” He asked confused.

“Shhhh!” She whispered before grabbing JJ’s hand and walk him to her Jeep.

“What are you doing?!”

“Oh my fucking god. Oh my-”

“Max! What?” JJ shook her arms trying to let the words come out of her mouth.

“Sam! Kie!” She pointed at the house. “Sam! Kie!”

“What? What? What?”

“Kissing!”

“Kissing?” He asked confused. “Like on the cheek?”

Max slapped his arm. “No! Do you think that I would be freaking out like this if it was on te cheek!? On the fucking lips!”

He widen his out in surprise and Max nodded. “Oh.”

“Exactly!”

“Guys!” Max and JJ heard Kie say on the front door of the house. She had a smile on her face while walking towards them. “Glad you’re back!”

“Yeah! We just arrived, like right this second, not any second before.” Max said quickly.

“Right! What she said!” JJ let his arm go around her shoulders trying to seem normal.

“Alright...” Kie said confused at their strange behaviour but quickly brushed it off. “You want some help with the keggers?”

“You know what? No, we’re totally fine.” Max said nodding.

“Yeah! You go with Sam and keep... preparing the things for the party.” JJ scratched the back of his head while Max wanted to kill him on the inside for being suspicious.

“Ok! But let me know if you need anything.” She said before turning around and going back to the house.

“Oh my god, why didn’t she told me she was into Kie like that?” Max asked to herself. She was kinda disappointed that her best friend didn’t shared with her something so important. But at the same time, understood the situation and that it was something you say when you’re ready to say it.

“Maybe she didn’t know before today.” JJ said trying to comfort her.

“Maybe... I don’t know.” Max let out a tiny sigh. “All I know, is that tonight it’s going to be crazier than I thought.” She said. And boy, was she absolutely right.

@iamaunicorn4704 @onceinagenerationrage @lasnaro @k-k0129 @x-lulu @oopsiedoopsie23 @baby-pogue @roamingmarauder @ponyboys-sunsets @agirlwholovescoffee @thorsangel @royalmerchant @deviouscharitos @badbitsh13 @cilorawr @ilovejjmaybank @corebore123 @starksweasley @rudths @allycat449-blog @netflix-imagines @alwaysasadaesthetic @queenofthepouges @jjsmaybcnk @sexytholland @xoxoalxssa @sadcupofcoffee @allielozoya @jjandreidsgirl @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @nevvvv @drewswannabegirl @outerbanksbro @itsyagirljay @alw4ysmaybank @mrsromangodfrey @kay667 @casper17 @jarahisendgame @niya-savage @scooby6 @dustyjjumpwings @sweetlysilent @alternativehp @stilinskingongo @renatafairchild @stfukie @chasefreakinstokes @beloved-vinyl-addict (+)

[lgalacticjayl]

Homestuck review pt.2 Beta kids

Spolier warning! And i am not finished the series yet so these are inital thoughts stream of consciousness style and just my opinion .

Lets talk about the beta kids!

First off they are portrayed pretty well in the fandom in my opinion. As being kids that kinda just got dragged into this but each taking it very differently. I Love the similarites between them with very wild realtionships with their caregivers is portrayed right off the bat but they are kids so their veiws of their caregivers are probably very different to how they actually act. As John later realizes his dad does have clowns to mock him but to try and make him feel seen.

Speaking of lets talk about John. As he is a kinda stereotypical main charcter kinda feel sometimes he definitely grows and you can see his personality in the things he is passionate about. His movies of course and his love for his friends. He really does subconscious pull the team together almost but really all of them somehow just work really well as a team anyways. John just seems like a very optimistic person and is very willing to accept most things even if he doesn't fully understand, seen in his alternate timeline where he died fighting the denizen and vriska shows him around. He is very ready to treat everyone as a friend no matter what they do. Vriska literally got him killed and he was still understanding that thats what had to happen. He just seems pretty calm in new situations but has his moments of just being a kid and goofy off, creating his pogo hammer, but can get pretty serious when it needs to be, when he wakes up on his sinking bed in the oil ocean was probably the closest he's come to like freaking out completely. He gets done what needs to get done and I respect him alot for that. His is very trusting which I personally don't love the trust he puts in Vriska as her motives are pretty self serving in the beginning. Him and Dave are fun to see interact cuz they've been friends forever and just goof around and make fun of each other but there is still a lot of respect. I do love his sibling relationship with Jade a lot. I just love good sibling representation thats not just fighting iver stupid stuff all the time cuz it reminds me of me and my sister's relationship. Conclusion John is a good boy doing his best.

Speking of Jade lets move on to her. Lovely gal at first I related to her cuz she just kept taking naps as i also can fall alseep literally anywhere. I fell alseep during a final last year for like a ten minute nap then just kept doing the test. I did actually cosplay jade as my first homestuck cosplay but only cuz I already had everything I needed. Anyway jade is a very sweet girl and I see her as very unafraid and willing to do anything almost like john, which is kinda why their dynamic works so well. The best jade moment so far is when she took off all her reminders cuz she felt she was no longer the one who knows all in the group and starts to actually share her feelings. Her yelling at Karkat is so good and like yess Jade! I love the stuffed octopi and would love to try and make them as well. Also her kinda being a furry is very fun. She comes off as very whimsical as she basically knows everything that will and did happen because she's the first to awaken in her dream but later as she doesn't know everything she seems like she's just trying her best to fully grasp this because she realizes that her dreams aren't just silly things but are very important. She also basically raised herself and fends for herself which i very strong and smart for a 13 year old and she kinda has to learn on her own. I also just love the frog aspect of the game and as a space player myself would love to breed frogs.

Now Rose another very powerful character like Jade but still very different. She seems to just soak in knowledge like a human sponge as many people do with things they are interested it. From the beginning Rose has wanted to know everything about this game and diverts in her original plan just to study more. She goes to being the most knowledgeable almost the opposite of Jade and kinda controls some major things from behind the scenes. Like John accidentally picking hammerkind her combining probably her 2 favorite items to make the grimdark needles has significant effect on the story. Her demeanor doesn't seem to change as she is still elegant and not too emotional in her speech but you can tell she got her self into some deep dark stuff like most teens getting into their emo phase but this has a huge impact on ending the game and potentially saving everyone. She feels she is the only one capable to complete the mission and tricks Dave so she can sacrifice herself something a young teen should not have to consider. She also tries to fight Jack at some point even tho she knows he will win. She is very thoughtful and planned out in every situation and I love that.

Now on to some of y'alls favorite Dave. I know a lot of gay/transmac people really conect with dave and as transmac myself i can see why but its hard to explain. Even tho he isn't said to be gay or trans his experience can be tied to a lot of things. He is very stoic all the time and I think he's been conditioned into not showing emotions cuz of Bro and he looks up to Bro as his only family figure. Like he does tey to seem cool with rapping and swords and while he succeeds and i think he does truly enjoy them he also sees them as his only way to be cool. Like for art for me I do enjoy it but I understand that there is also a level of attention i do want from it. Sorry this got a bit personal im realizing im relating to these characters too much. Anyway Dave does seek out reason for his actions and doesn't just intuitively follow them. He is actually smart even tho he has like a dumb boy persona going on but like he has to keep up with all these timelines. He also has a truly terrible moral dilemma when terezi makes him kill him and thats not something ordinary teens should have to go through. That and his grieving period when he finds bro dead are the rare times that he shows his emotions, through actions rather than words. And they are powerful moments. Hes not some emotionless cool guy hes a human child.He also has to literally mentor himself at somepoint and spends the most time in the game through time travel.

This event is traumatic for all of them in very different and similar ways and they all grow and learn so much its way more than I did at 13, It's powerful.

I will probably do the trolls next and some more characters then I would love to get into my thoughts on some specific events

[asagimeta]

Ok so I never do movie break-downs/reveiws but Endgame is a one in a million type of thing, not only the end of an era, but the end of the era that started the enture connected-universe film genre, so I'm allowing myself because this moment is literally something we'll never have again, there is never going to be a "first" end of era again, sure some day the DCEU will do this, The Conjuring verse may do this, Arrowverse will actually do this next fall with Infinite Crisis, etc, but... this truly will be the only "first" time we get this end of era and I have Opinions so follow me down the rabbit hole

I'm only touching on a few points, as a head's up, and I generally really enjoyed the movie! I don't have the time or patience to type out everything I liked about it so there may seem like there's more criticism than praise but I promise you, I thoroughly enjoyed this and thought it was the best of the four Avengers movies by far

-I think my biggest complaint is the bullshit about the soul stone, for two reasons:

1. As a plot point, the soul stone decision being irreversable is just kind of ... weird, mostly because we don't have that much information on how it works, so it feels a little "stakes for the sake of stakes" to me

2. Are you really telling me that the only two people that had no chance of coming back are two of the only main female charectors the MCU has? Are you really, honestly, telling me that?

The MCU has gotten some more supporting female charectors and that's great but Nat and Gamora were only two of a very small feild of actual female LEADS, Mantis and Valkyrie and The Wasp and so on are great charectors but they aren't leads, and I feel like it was just a really bad decision on the filmmakers' parts to choose specifically those two and ONLY those two, it would have eased things a little if they had either brought back the original Gamora (and I'll touch on why this bothers me later) or if they had had a male involved in the Irreversable Soul Stone Death thing, it just feels frustratingly like fridging (I know it isn't but it feels that way) because there really honestly were other ways to go about it, Gamora being sacrificed in Infinity War was pretty unavoidable, but they didn't have to do Nat like that, and even if they did- because I do understand from a story perspective why they would- the ideal thing to do would have been to literally trade one soul for another, the soul stone only needs one soul to operate right? So when Natasha died, shouldn't Gamora have come back out of that thing? That would have been the ideal way to shift it in my opinion, it would create the kind of paradox that would make it impossible for Natasha to just snap back to existence (thus providing real stakes) but without the frustration of our only Gamora being AU!Gamora

And AU!Gamora is a PROBLEM

All of the development Gamora got in the first two Guardians movies is gone now, what she had with Peter is gone, what she had with Nebula is gone, her feelings of having a real family is gone.... and even if AU!Gamora builds those relationships anew, it's not going to be the same, she's working from scratch so she may as well be a new charector, and the fact that the Guardians and Nebula are already established makes it impossible for Gamora to form into the team the way she originally did, she's no longer one of the founding members with Peter, she's now an outsider being pulled into an existing group, she'll never understand the pain Nebula had been in when they fought because Nebula cares about her now and isn't going to fight her and thus express those feelings, she's never going to see just how badly Peter's father fucks him up or watch Peter sacrifice himself (ish) for the power stone because both of those are resolved issues now.....

The Gamora we knew and loved IS dead, we're working with a new one, and although I feel like Guardians 3 is going to be about finding and recruiting her, it still won't be the same and that's very frustrating

-On the topic of how things work, are you really telling me that after all of the "We have to be very carefull not to mess with the past" discussions, Steve just....... Did That? He really just lived an entire ass life mucking around with the past and having exactly zero consequences? Particularly, with Peggy, who we know for a fact was involved in major ways with Sheild? Like, I'm not speaking as a Captain America fan when I ask this, I'm legitimately confused as to why there was so much emphasis on "don't mess with the past" only for people to repeatedly do that, but ESPECIALLY Steve, it can kind of be excused to allow things like Tony talking to his dad- who doesn't know who he is- or Thor talking to his mom- who made it clear that she wasn't going to fight her fate even though she could- but Steve is just a big ol' block of confusion

Not only the Peggy thing, we could maybe excuse that, but he told his past self that Bucky was alive and his past self just... what...? Forgot??? How is it that he made such a significant change to his former self and there was exactly ZERO consequence at all? Not to mention Nebula killing past!Nebula but I can sort of hand-wave that one as having to do with actually creating a split universe (as proven by the Gamora and Thanos duplicates) but Cap ... Cap would have gone on, having had this weird encounter and being very "!!!!!!!!" about Bucky and done... what, nothing?? And if he did do something, why did that have no impact on the future at all?

I'm also conflicted on Captain America's ending as a charector, I'm glad he lived, but I almost would have preferred him having gotten stuck in the past by some Time Travel Bullshit Reason because it seemed OOC for him to leave his found family, put down his sheild, and risk the ENTIRE FUTURE by going to live a life with Peggy, even if that was a split universe, it still feels very .. I don't know the word for it, not "cop out" but too pushed I guess

For his entire journey to have centered on Steve changing as a person and getting used to living in essentially a new world, not to mention finding and saving Bucky and keeping him close, for him to completely regress and go back to America as it was, go back to the life he used to want, go live his future in the past, it all seemed really counterproductive of his journey and I actually would have preferred him going to retire elsewhere  if he really needed to

-Tony's death was probably the most avoidable thing to me because they laid out a perfect way for RDJ to exit: Retirement

I know that it was very "full circle" for Tony to begin the MCU with his life and end this era of it with his death and the ultimate form of charector growth for him to sacrifice himself, but it still felt really cheap to me when they had gone to the trouble of setting up his retirement so thoroughly and then still choosing to kill him off, I feel like it was more about "needing" to have an enormous death and choosing to "surprise" everyone by making it Tony instead of Steve versus what actually worked best for the story, Tony retiring to a quiet life that had nothing to do with money or fame or saving the world would have been equally showing of his growth in my opinion

These were my major complaints, but I have one plotline in particular that I really have the utmost praise for and that's Thor's

I know that alot of people are upset that Marvel treated his PTSD as a joke with the beer belly and the drunkness shennanigans but I don't personally veiw it that way, I don't think it was played as a joke, I think it was largely taken seriously, ofcourse I think Marvel DID put alot of the humor to ride on "lol Thor is fat and lazy now" wich is .. unfortunate, but I don't think it was as bad as alot of people are saying

Thor's conversation with his mother is probably my favorite part of the movie, Thor is consistantly shown to be a very sensitive, vulnerable person, wich is a MAGNIFICENT quality for someone who's also supposed to be the poster-boy for hypermasculinity

Thor is everything that Toxic Masculinity loves- He's a literal GOD who's gorgeous and gets attention from the ladies and beats shit up with a hammer, and he drinks, there is always EVERY opportunity to make him the living emodiement of A Fuckboy, but instead he's consistantly shown to be the exact opposite

He's sweet and compassionate and good-natured, he's openly affectionate and not afraid to cry in front of others or to wear his heart on his sleeve, he's gentle and supportive and loyal and a complete mama's boy in all of the positive uses for that term, and Endgame only reinforces all of that

Yes they made it a laughing point that he's gained weight and is an even bigger alcoholic than usual, but they also made it a point that out of everyone who had the opportunity to try to change the past, Thor is the only one who took it, because he simply couldn't stand being without his mother, not Tony who could have tried to tell his father to spend more time with him, or Steve who could have tried to see Peggy, but Thor, who just wanted his mom back

They made a huge point again and again over the fact that of everyone, Thor was taking this loss the hardest, that he had lost the most and felt the most responsible, and ultimately he also grew the most from it, he actually gave Mjolnir to Cap, gave New Asgard to Valkyrie (wich by the way is perhaps my absolute FAVORITE thing about the future of the MCU) and finally stopped trying to live up to what Odin wanted from him by trying to have a pissing math for leadership, he even "gave" Peter leadership of the Guardians, even if it was played for a joke, he never *actually* contested Peter, wich is a big step for him

Marvel isn't known for playing with trauma well, but as Marvel goes, I think Thor was handled well

I also have to say that I'm not mourning Loki yet, I feel like the after-credits scene for Guardians 3 is going to be Loki walking onto the ship going "Hello brother, did you miss me?"

Loki is in a unique position where he really could survive without having been a death from The Snappening, we KNOW that he knew something fishy was going on with the two Caps in the past and Loki is a sneaky devil who wouldn't just let something like that go, he probably devised a system for himself to come back to life or to have escaped Thanos in the first place once he realized in new-2012 that something was wrong, and unlike Tony and Steve, there are no story or contract reasons for the  MCU not to include Loki, especially since the Disney+ Loki series doesn't have anything to do with post-Endgame, atleast, yet to be mentioned

Sure split-universe!Loki would have the same problems that split-universe!Gamora has in that his development with Thor and his personal development caused by encounters with people like Hela are now moot, but unlike Gamora, Loki is still an anti-hero, he's still an asshole, and his relationship with Thor is a centuries-long one that has had many ups and downs, meeting Thor later in another villainous position wouldn't be OOC and he and Thor reconnecting over a new enemy would be fairly easy to recreate as opposed to Gamora re-experiencing a relationship with Nebula that has now permenantely changed, becoming a "new" member of the Guardians vs a founding member, and witnessing everything with Peter's family that happened Guardians 2 that can never be recreated- ever

Loki has also never been a leading role in the MCU, a core role yes, but not leading, it wouldn't be a problem for Tom Hiddleston to pop in and out of the MCU as he likes wile his primary series is on Disney+, and as that series is more of an anthology (Loki Screws With History: A Memoir) versus a chronological story to follow Endgame, Disney+ and the MCU don't even have to really consult with how the two stories would mesh, they're virtually strangers to eachother

There's, ofcourse, alot more I liked about this- the all female team-up, the importance placed on Ant-Man, everything to do with Nebula, and more, but this is all I really wanted to discuss or vent on

[tylerjosephsdimple]

Lost Memories. (TylerxReader)

Warning: if you are a sensitive person I would not recommend reading this. Also, *Starts to whisper* this is one of my *cough* bts *cough* writings that I just wrote last night *normal voice* I just changed the names. I also put in some of the my other writings if you recognize some of it that’s why. But I did 100% write this. I was just lazy and wanted to post something. Okay bye~

He was gone. He was really gone. No note, just a camera sitting on the bed next to him.

Start Of Video

The camera moved around as I tried setting it up on a rock. Tyler, was up in a tree branch drinking a bottle of water. The summer sun was going down and the heat was gone.

“Why do you record everything, I will never understand.” Tyler gets down from the tree and stands by me.

“Sometimes you forget the small memories and sometimes you want to get as close as possible to a certain memory. This is why I record, so I won’t forget.” I explain to him and point the camera toward Tyler.

“Ah, so you don’t want to forget me?” He chuckled and winked. “Kidding, but what is there to record? We’re just at a park.”

“There’s always more to everything.”

“Oh Y/n, always so deep.” He pats my head and takes the camera.

“Hello future Y/n, how’s life? All good I hope. In 8 years i’ll be 24 and you’ll be 23. I hope we still talk. Oh, how am I? Do I still look as sexy as ever?” He chuckles and paused for a moment to think. “Are we married? I hope so.”

He looks at me and smiles, as I blush and hide my face in my…well Tyler’s sweater that I was wearing. I playfully hit him and take the camera back.

“Yah, don’t say that. We’re not even a couple”

He takes the camera again and points it towards us. He wraps his hands around my waist as my back faces him. (Like a back hug ya know?)

“Correction, we’re not a couple yet.” He smiles.

“Huh, what do you mean?” I was confused and turned around to look at him.

“I’ve….I’ve liked you. I always have. But I was to scared to say anything. Y/F/n, will you do me the great honor of being my girlfriend?”

“Hmm, I mean….” I pretend to hesitate and get out of his grip.

“Um, i-its okay I’m sor-” His eyes widen and his smile disappears.

“Yah, idiot. I was kidding. Yes, I will be your girlfriend.” I hug him and he hugs back. Letting out a breath of relief.

“Oh, thank god. Don’t worry, I’ll treat you right.”

End of Video. The confession.

“Yah, don’t record me.” Tyler looked away and laughed, showing off his smile.

“You’re so beautiful, I need to treasure this moment.” I chuckle and point the camera back at him.

We were sitting on a rock, watching the sunset fade away. Our feet dangling, due to the lack of height. The gray and orange sunset looked like a painting. Mixing colors of purple and gray.

“You act as if I’m leaving, Y/n. Why? I will always be by your side, love. No matter what.” He paused and hugged me. “I-I love you. I’m in love with you.”

I gasped and hugged him tighter, dropping the camera. The camera fell into the perfect position. Pointing at Tyler and I hugging and the sunset behind us. Our silhouettes, outlined in black.

“I love you too, Tyler.”

The Video Ends. The first ‘I love you.’

“Get the camera angle right, Brendon. You keep shaking.“ Josh said.

“Ugh, I’m trying but you keep telling me what to do when I already know.” Brendon rolls his eyes.

“Can we just start this?” Tyler asked grabbing the mic and getting into position.

“Yea, sure come on.”

*Starts to play the song ‘Tear in my heart’* .

“Happy One year, Y/n. I love you and can’t live without you.” Tyler smiles and blows a kiss to the camera.

“They are literall goals. I want this in life.” Brendon pretends to cry.

“Okay, and we’re done now. Wait, how do you turn this off?” Tyler asks confused. The camera got really close up to his face as he tries to turn it off. “Oh, I got it-”

End of Video

First anniversary

“Hey Y/n, welcome to Tyler vlog. Haha.” The laugh was fake. It was obvious that he was hurting. His skin pale and his face was a little sunken in. “So, we broke up. I-I don’t know if I could take this much longer.”

Tears were streaming down his face and his once beautiful brown eyes were now dull and red.

“I’m sorry, I should have never doubt your love. I should have trusted you. If I was there you wouldn’t have turned to Josh. I should have never accused you of cheating. I’m an idiot, I know. But Y/n, this hurts so much. I feel like I’m going to die because of how much my heart hurts. This is my fault I know. But, I can’t lose you. I just can’t. I can’t live without the touch of you. Just being in your presence is more than I deserve.”

End of Video.

“Yea, you should have been there. I was playing basket ball with Josh and tried passing him the ball but he wasn’t paying attention and nailed him straight in the face.” Tyler laughed.

I chuckled and looked around. The beach was beautiful at night. The moon reflecting on the water. Tyler saw the camera and immediately looked away covering his face.

“Tyler, look at the camera and stop hiding your face. You’re cute~.”

“No~, I look bad.”

“Are you kidding me. You’re Tyler Joseph.” I laugh and start rapping but fail.

“Oh my, baby. You can’t rap.” Tyler laughs and looks at me as I pout.

“Hey, that’s mean.”

“It’s okay, I’ll teach you. But, can we go play in the water?”

He points to the water and looks back at me and grabs my hand.

“Ugh, Fine.” I laugh.

End of Video. Making memories.

“Hey, Y/n. You haven’t used this camera in a long time. So, I decided to take it. Make ya know Tyler vlogs.” He chuckles. He looked tired as if he hasn’t sleep in a while. But, nonetheless he still looked good.

“So, we’re fighting, once again.”

~Flash back to the night of the fight~

“You could have done something about it! Instead you just sat there flirting? Wow.. how low can you get in a Matter of 10 minutes?” I yelled. Tears threatening to spill. I refuse to cry. I blink it back I was brave.

“Wow, I was flirting? What were you doing, just getting ‘Friendly’ with that other guy Y/N? I don’t think so!” He yelled trying to overpower my voice from being heard.

“Listen to me Tyler I was not flirting, I was trying to get him off me for your Information. I have nothing to prove to you because I did nothing wrong. What’s your excuse? Did undressing each other with your eyes not work?” I just wanted to run right now.

“You have to understand my point of view Tyler.” You yelled. “It sure as hell looked like something.”

“Your over reacting Y/n.” Tyler yelled overpowering your voice.

That’s it, you were done yelling. You were tired of yelling day after day with Tyler. You slid down the wall. Hands covering your face, tears leaking out, giving up hope.

“Please. I can’t do this anymore. it’s all too much.” Your voice barley Audible but still loud enough to hear.

“W-what are you talking about?” He stuttered.

“It’s time to give up. On us. Hell, I’ve given up on everything.”

“You can’t be saying this. Y-you can’t b-be. Y/n I love you. F-forever and Always. Remember that?” His eyes turning into something you weren’t familiar with. His head tilted, eyes watering as if he was trying not to cry. Pain, misery and hopelessness was read all by his face.

“Tyler, some things aren’t ment to last for ever…..listen I’m going away….a-and you can’t do anything about it but I …..I will be back maybe in days or years but I will be back…..I promise.”

You said as you walked to your room that you and Tyler had shared and packed your bags. You planned on going to Josh. He probably already saw this coming. You told Josh everything. Down to the smallest detail. No matter how personal.

“Please, please I’m begging you please.” Tyler’s eyes had darkened. They were no longer soft brown but dull and red.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered as you walked out the door with bags in your hand. It was Foggy outside. The air was misty yet cool. Grey clouds flood the dull night sky.

Stars sprinkled around the galaxy. The roads were glistening from the rain that had happened early in the day. It was oddly relaxing. Winter was your favorite season. For most it had been Summer but you always liked the cold for some reason.

Trees were green yet loosing color but still kept it’s beauty. You planned on walking all the way to Josh’s The roads were long but nothing you couldn’t handle.

~End of flash back~

“I guess, I’m….I’m going to say things that I could never tell you in person. I guess someday you’ll stumble upon this and know the truth. It’s funny isn’t it. How life can be so cruel. It gives the most beautiful and precious things and then takes it away.” A tear fell down his cheeks. “I-I love you. But, I feel like..I’m not good enough for you. Fuck, I feel like I’m not good enough for myself.

You deserve better.“

End Of Video. True Feelings.

“Why am I here today? Why do I breath the air I breath? Why am I alive? Simple, because of her. The love of my life. My Princess with a broken crown. My beloved and only. My everything. I’m here because of her. It’s funny how a simple existence can make such a great change in the world.Well, at least to my world.

You didn’t have to do much to make me fall in love so quickly. Hell, all you had to do was breath. Literally, all you had to do was breath because I couldn’t live in a world without her. Oh, how cliché, I know. Looking at you, I only saw perfection. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Y/n, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. I feel like I’m not myself but a prisoner to my own body. I think it’s time to say goodbye. I-I love you so much. But, I need to go. Please forgive me. But, you need to forget me and live your life. I- I can’t. I love you. Thank you for everything.”

Tyler’s Point of Veiw

I end the video with tears streaming down my face. I can’t be selfish. I need to let her go. I have to, for her own good.

I lay down with pills in my hand and swallow as much as possible. Freeing my self from this world as I am consumed by the darkness.

End of Video.

Your Point of Veiw

This is my fault. This is all my fault and I know it. No one could tell me any different. I cry and fall to the ground hugging my knees. It’s been a couple days and I couldn’t take it anymore. I miss him, I need him. I’m trying to get through but I’m not seeing hope.

[gardenbiriety]

bad feeligns below lol

so like tw for self harm, sui ideation, gender dysporia, anxiety/depression? generally Not Good Feels, parents being yikes, transphobia, ableism, grottiness

so like i feel so shit and every time i get to an okay kind of place the tiniest thing happens and it’s like i’ all the way back at the start? why can’t i just be neurotypical already?

so i ‘m gonna be legally changing my name soon and my parents don’t want me too and while i don’t think they are going to actively stop me i’m worried that they are goign to be make it more shitty to live at home but i can’t go anywhere else? like i am in the midst of yr 12 and having to learn how a new household works and their schedule would fuck me up so bad? plus i wouldn’t want ot burden anyone like that

like i’m really fucking scared? but i’m more scared of what i’ll do to myself if i don’t change my name? like i think about hurting myself every single day and the urge to do it is so fucking strong like? what’s stopping me? nothing? i could fuckign slice my hips open and nobody would ever know it’s winter

i’m just very very scared and very tired and even tho i know my friends love me and support me but like? my family doesn’t. like they ‘’’support me’’’ by only verbally critizing me and not actively standing in my way when i do things (generally) and i’m jsut so fucking tired of it? like i want out but i don’t wanna financailly cripple myself and it’s not like i’m ever going to amount to anything anyway? i mean? for fucks sake? who is going to hire a sad shy ~~~ special snowflake ~~ child? like? i am never going to be employed? nothing i do will be judged based ont he actual action it will always be about me being genderqueer like??? everything will come back to that and i don’t want to? live like that? i’m so fucking mad but also exhausted so mostly i’m sad and i’ve had enough? is it too much to ask to be accepted and love by my family? am i really that? diffficult to love? like? that’s literally all i want is for them to actually love me and support me and it’s not even that hard right? i don’t understand why they are like this ?

i am also goign to fucking fail school, i’m nto doing maths but i still won’t get the score i need to get into the courses i want that don’t have math ass a pre req, but with maths i would get like a 40 study score so? i’m fuCked there isn’t even any point anymore i’ve had enough honestly

like i am such a lost cause i can’t even handle sitting in a room? and making myself actually do homework? in that room in school time set aside specifically for that? like how fucking lazy do you have to be? why can’t i just? fucking? do it? i am actually smart but because i am fucking incapable of putting in any sort of effort i’m gonna fucking fail year 12 lmao what even is the point?

i’m just so tired i never want to do anythign again i just want to be gone for fucks sake? if i wasn’t such a wuss i would be already lol

i keep trying to be lik e’ don’t be mean to urself it’s just ur MI making you like this, don’t walk on a broken leg, ecct.” but like? that’s just me trying to shift rresponsibilty for my own actions off myself why can’t i jut grow up and hold myself accountable lmao?

okAy and also like? my parents say i don’t talk to them but when i do they always get mad at me? like i was telling my dad about how i’m dropping maths but i might be allowed to be able to sit in the class room (my friendss are in the class and i’m good friends with the teacher too) and even tho i’m not actually a part of the class i could study/do homework there instead of in the study center (which fucks me up and i have panic attacks in there like every otehr day lol kms) which would be so fucking good like? i would be so productive and yet? my dad was like ? y don’t u jsut stay in maths then?” and gave me the biggest greasie and i legit had to leave bc i HAtE fighting with my dad bc he scares the shit out of me lol? like my ma i know she loves me even if she is a dickhead sometimes and that she will listen if i write things down and don’t be too confrontational but my dad? i’m terrified he will hit me and like? u know that voice ppl use when they speak to a dog that’s being bad? he uses the same voice to talk to me and my brothers when we do something he disapproves of and i fucking hate it so much like?  i hate it i hate it i hate it and i hate how he will hurt my brothers and i can’t do anything bc if i say anything i’l  make it worse and one of them has adhd and my parents are both super harsh on him all the time and like? nothing they do actually helps him ti’s just easy for them to be mad and have him be scared into doing what they want rahter than actually being responsible and growing and being a good person and i’m so mad bc my brother is literally an angel and he thinks he’s st*pid bc my dad called him (idk hwo to censor it but like? basically he insults his interlligence all the fucking time ) and they yell at him when he doesn’t answer right away and it makes me so fucking mad like he tries his best and they have no understanding what so everr like they don’t even? i’m really fucking mad i love my brother so much and they are shit as too him and i really dont want him to end up like me bc if he does if he ever says anything my dad would probably actually beat him up and i’m terrified for him? is that silly? idk since i think abt sui like all the time i’m just scared he might also get like me but bc he’s not ‘’’’a girl’’’’ (i’m not but that s why feelings are ok bc females are weak appaz lmoa) and they will jsut tell him to get over it and i’m so?

i’m so fucking scared and i dont want to feel like this anymore but it won’t stop and i dont’ know what i’m supposed to do i literally cannot continue like this but i can’t cchange anythign bc i’m so powerless and weak and i fucking? why can’t i jsut be okay ffor more than a few hours at a time is that to much to ask? i jsut want to be fucking happy and i’m never going to be able to achieve that? i’m never going to get into the uni i want, i’m nto gonna be able to go to the places i want, i’m not going to be able to live how i want i’m not going to be able to do anyting? my life is just gonna be under the thumb of my parents until i fucking die and i’m too weak to change anything and i hate myself lmao

i cannot even look in the mirror it’s so fucking? painful? like i just want to be recognised as myself is that oo much to fucking ask? for people to use the right name and the right pronousna dn to not invite me to fucking girls nights ever again.

i feel like a clown with makeup on and i feel like a boy with pants on and i hate both i hate it i hate it i hate my long hair and i dont want to get it bleached againa nd i don’t want to keep it but i’m too sccared to fucking cut it off bc my ma will hate it and i hate the way half of my shirts cling and show off my boobs and i hate my boobs but at the same time they are really nice boobs? i’m proud? i hate the way my cheeks are pudgy and my jaw isn’t sharp and my forehead is too big and my chin is covered in pimples and so it my back and my shoulders and my feet are bony and weird and have big veiws and my hips are too big and my arms are disgusting and my ribs stick out funny and my fingers are always msising skin and i have scabs on my scalp from where i’ve scratched it oo much and i hate how sometimes i can’t wash my hair bc there are too many cuts on my fingers and it’s too painful and i just wish i could fucking? not be like this i wish i could work out without being embarssed, i would i could put my msuic on in the car without beeing embarssed, i wish i could fucking exist in any sort of space outside my bedroom without beign embarassed i wish i could push through that embarassment and o things i want to do i wish i could fucking do something? literally anything? just? do ? something? i wish i wasn’t such a piece of shit