#he lies about being friends with romeo to get close to may i fucking guess

[thetisming]

im fucking screaming

[twoidiotwriters1]

Pure Blood 9 (Sirius Black x F!Oc)

A/n: Maybe the longest chapter I've written ... for now. 

Words: 3,298

Masterlist

Chapter 8  // Chapter 10

Chapter 9: Lies

"Jenna, please wait," I say, taking her arm. She stops and turns to me.

"What do you want?"

"Sorry, seriously, forgive me for being so abrupt with you the other day, it was not my intention,” She raises an eyebrow waiting for more. I sigh, "Sorry for being a bad friend.”

I pout and try with my best puppy eyes.

“You'll tell me what happened with Lupin?"

Oh, that.

"It's no big deal on its own…" I bite my lip. "He agreed with Evans to be the best in every class, a stupid plan to make me fail my classes. I found out and talked to Slughorn."

She looks at me in confusion and analyzes my pathetic excuse, but seems satisfied.

"Idiots, nobody can compete with the Slytherin princess,” I smile and she imitates me. That was close.

"That's me. We’re fine, then?"

"We are," She locks her arm with mine, "Let's go to Hogsmeade"

“Wait, you’re not going with someone else? It seemed like you had a plan-” I suddenly realize what’s going on, “You knew I was going to beg your forgiveness, right?"

She lets out a laugh.

"I know you very well P," I should have guessed.

We both walked to the carriages and arrived in Hogsmeade in no time. At this time, it was already starting to get cold, it wouldn’t be long before it began to snow. Hogwarts is beautiful when it’s covered in white.

I’m wearing my usual jeans, boots, light sweater and a small scarf, while full Jenn wore boots, gray socks, a pink skirt and a cream sweater. Her blond hair is in a cute ponytail, several boys sent flirtatious smiles and she ignores them all the same.

“D'you know what would be great?"

"Eat?" I answer when I feel my stomach roar. She laughs.

“Yeah, but just before you came to your knees to apologize,” I growl. “A senior boy invited me out. I said no because I didn't feel like it. I want to start studying, I have a herbology test soon.”

"And?" She sighs.

“It's something I had to tell you before but I was angry. The thing is, I don't see anything fun in dating guys anymore”

“Maybe you’ll find someone during our vacations”

"I wish- ah, yes!" She says, shaking me, "I talked to Regulus the other day, will you stop ignoring the poor puppy?"

“Don't call him that, and yes. We're fine, I'll talk to him later,” We arrive at the three broomsticks and sit at a table near a window. A waiter took our order and left.

Jenna updated me with all the gossip at school after being a couple of days apart. When did so many things happen? I have no idea. I’d never been aware of anything, Jenna and Regulus took care of that, even if I didn't ask for it.

"Evans rejected Potter again, but this time he made a whole scene, some say he took all that out of a muggle book, Juliet and-"

"Romeo and Juliet- Shakespeare,” I interrupt her and she seems surprised.

"How do you know that?" I feel my cheeks burn and I shrink in my place.

"I heard it once,” Vile lie, the other night Remus and I talked about the popular Muggles books. He told me the plot and read some lines.

"Anyway, the plan did not work and Evans rejected him, it was fun," In that we heard the bell of the entrance and a group of girls come laughing. They sit a couple of tables away from us. "Talking about the devil…”

Lily Evans was with her friends: Marlene Mckinnon, Alice Longbottom and Elsa Smith. They haven’t noticed our presence.

"Just ignore them," I say without thinking. Jenna looks at me confused.

"That's what I usually say, because you, my dear friend, are the first to get her claws out, especially with Evans." She says raising an eyebrow. I shrug.

"I'm not in the mood to fight,” The waiter brings our butterbeers and our food.

"Wait, I didn't ask for food-“ I raise my head to call the waiter, but Jenna doesn't let me.

"I asked, I know you haven’t eaten well and that should stop.” I grimace. "Now eat, it's just a chocolate croissant, you love chocolate!”

"You play dirty,” She laughs.

The conversation continues smoothly, but something’s changed, I could see Jenna looking at the table where Lily was. She watched, sighed and turned to me with an absent expression.

"You're good? Is the table over there more interesting than my super story about how I plan to be the best Auror ever? ” She is startled.

"Everything is fine, just-" She laughs nervously, "One of the girls has a beautiful blouse, I would like to know where she got it," she says… blushing?

Wait. What?

"You should ask them, they are not far" I say finishing my plate. She shares her head.

"I know you wouldn't be comfortable if I asked, besides, I don't want to bother.” I frown.

At what time has Jenna stopped doing things to avoid making me angry?

“Come on, I know you want to go there, don't worry about me. You're just going to ask them something”

“Sure?”

“You don't have to ask me for permission, Jenn. Just go.” She nods, happier than I thought. She gets up and goes to the table.

She interrupts the conversation, but something catches my attention: they receive her as another one of their group, make a place at the table.

I may be clueless, but I thought she was not welcome in that group either. I remember that Evans also treated her like me. This is odd, but I decide not to intervene and I only watch while I drink my beer, I surely look crazy, but I don't care.

They talk and laugh, Jenna seems in her element, when did they become such friends? I think I should pay more attention, will she ever tell me?

No, I dont think so. I finish my beer and the waiter arrives to collect everything, I pay him.

I think it's my time to go, I don't want to be watching all the time.

I get up and approach the table only to say goodbye to her, but on the way I realize something.

Marlene Mckinnon and Jenna share looks and complicit smiles, both are sitting facing each other and it seems they’re not really paying attention to Alice's story. 

I frown, but it all makes sense before my friend's actions. She takes Marlene's hand under the table and holds it affectionately, then they both laugh, Jenna places a strand of her hair behind her ear and at last, approaches Marlene to whisper something. She laughs.

This can’t be.

This cannot be.

That is the technique she uses to flirt! Actually, she has several, but with Marlene she has put them all together.

Jenna likes Marlene!

“Do you need something, Singh?" At that moment I notice that I’m right in front of your table, just watching and probably with my mouth open.

I shake my head.

"Sorry I just-" I don't know what to say, Jenna looks at me, maybe wondering if I saw her technique and of course I saw her. I share a look with her and bite my lip. "I... I was leaving and-"

I say, and they all just looked at me confused. Jenna gets up and takes me by the shoulders. I thought the surprises were ending, but no. A small glow catches my attention. I look at Marlene's hand and let out a gasp. Jenna quickly covers my mouth and surrounds me with her free arm.

"Well girls, we're leaving," She says as I try to talk about her hand causing only stifled noises. I move to get out of her grip, but it doesn't work.

Jenna drags me through the place until we get out of it, walks to a small alley and forces me to be against the wall without removing her hand from my mouth.

"Persephone!"

"You never call me that!" It's what I wanted to say, but only muffle noises keep coming.

"Stop moving!”

I can't with this. I pass my tongue over her hand and she screams.

”Persephone! That's gross!”

"Yes, good. You should wash your hands more often,” I complain and fix my clothes, “What the fuck was that?” She grimaces.

"What are you talking about?" I'm too tense for this.

"She has your bloody ring, Jenna!" I scream no matter who could happen to hear us, she doesn't try to shut me up, "Marlene Mckinnon! She has the ring that you never take off, the one you don't let me touch, the ring your mom gave you since you were little! Why the fuck does that mudblood-?”

No wait. That’s wrong. Jenna looks down for a moment and when it looks up my heart is shattered into a thousand pieces

"No, I mean-“ I clear my throat "Why does she have it... why?" Yes, better.

This is what I call progress. Her eyes tear up and she fidgets.

“Sorry, I didn't want to call her that. Sorry…” I say hugging her.

She cries a little on my shoulder and then returns the hug.

"What's going on, Jenna?" I say as we part, she waves a hand near her face.

"I didn't want you to know,"She sobs

"Wait, all that speech that you were fed up with all the boys here, was because you wanted to date girls?”

"Something like that,” We’re silent for a few seconds.

"I'm stupid."

"Persephone, I know what you think and maybe that's why I didn't tell you, but I think... I really like her, I don't care if we're girls or Muggles-“

"Stop there,” I say raising my hand "I am processing this.”

“P-"

"All this time, you haven't dated anyone since we came here, and I just told you that you would find another idiot out of Hogwarts?”

"Yes?" She replies.

"I'm stupid. How did I not realize before?" I hit my forehead, "Sure, because you could only be with a boy- ugh,” I growl. "There are also girls-“

I look at her.

"Of course you can be with one of them- well you're with one-“

"Wait, I don't understand. Are you upset that you didn't realize?" It seems like a joke, but yes. I sigh.

"Sorry for not being aware of all this, Jenna" I hold her hands, "I feel like I've been very selfish for many years…”

"Hey, honey," She takes my chin and laughs. "It's okay!”

"No, it isn't" I let go of her grip, "I just thought about my problems and I didn't realize many things -with Regulus or with you- I feel like crap.”

She laughs again.

"What are you laughing at, idiot? I'm having a moment,” Now she laughs louder.

"P, I can't believe it," She says, trying to calm herself down. "I was scared that you might get mad because I like a girl or because she is Muggles' daughter, but it bothers you that you didn’t know."

"I don’t see whah’s so funny,” I pout.

"Quiet, P. Everything’s fine,” She smiles shyly.

"Do you really like her?" I venture and she nods. Suddenly I scream, "My best friend is in love!”

She tries to cover my mouth again, but now I stop her, we both fight as we laugh.

"Don't say that strong word!” I let out a laugh.

"Strong word your ass,” At some point, my leg fail and I fall to the ground, Jenna just laughs.

“It's a pleasure to be your clown, seriously. I live for that,” I say sitting up. I rub my back.

"You're an idiot.”

"You too. An idiot in loooove,” I tease and she blushes “Oh, are you shy now?”

"No, it's just weird to hear you say it," She says, helping me to get up.

“It’s not bad to say it or be it. Besides, you are in love, why would you give her your ring if not? ”

I say brushing off the dirt from my clothes.

"Well, I had to give her something, after being together for so long,” I frown.

"How long have you been dating, Jenna?" She is surprised and realizes what she’d said. “Jenna?”

How is it that a few minutes ago we were laughing and now I'm afraid of what she could say?

"Two years…” she whispers, but I can hear her perfectly.

"What!?" She steps back.

"I can explain it-“

"I hear you…” I step back a little and cross my arms. She opens and closes her mouth several times. "You have been dating her for two years. And you didn't deign to tell me?"

"I didn't know how to tell you!” The tears are coming back.

“When were you going to do it? When we leave school? While living together or would you also hide it? While one of you were expecting a baby!?” I exploded.

“No- I…” I can't do this, I don't want to see her crying, but I can't just say ‘Oh, okay, it was only two years that you lied to me.’

“After the scene you did before coming here because I hid something from you and you had the biggest secret of all…” Now I’m tearing up. "You know? It hurts that you couldn't tell me, I thought we were friends.”

"We are, but... you don't understand” I let out a dry laugh.

“I don’t, you're right- For two years…”

I’ve had enough. I leave the alley and walk through the streets of Hogsmeade.

I may be exaggerating, maybe she really didn't know how to tell me, was she that afraid of me? She thought I was going to be angry about her blood status or her sexuality? How bad have I been? She was wrong not to tell me, but I was worse at creating that insecurity.

My vision is clouded by tears, I don’t see where I’m going until I collide with a man, I step back a little and clean my eyes.

"I'm so sorry, I didn’t know where I was going-“

"My intention was to come to you, sweetie." I look up to meet a tall man, he’s got dark hair and eyes. His face is covered with freckles and a kind smile.

"Alphard?" I say with a smile.

He opens his arms and smiles. I don't wait any longer and hug him as hard as I can.

“This is a good hug, not like Sirius's. That boy is shy for everything,” I laugh in his chest. We break apart.

"Why were you crying, my love?" He says touching my cheek.

"Oh, it's nothing" He stares at me.

"You know you can't lie to me,” I huff.

“I argued with my best friend…”

"Tell Uncle Alphard everything.”

________________________

"Did you talk to Sirius?" The man nods, eating his candy. After going to Honeydukes we sat on a bench near a small bush.

"Yes, he seemed very upset, he told me about the great news of marriage," I shudder, "How do you feel about it, honey?” I sigh.

"Being honest- I'm angry, I didn't think they were going to do it, but at the same time I'm not surprised they did it,” I take a bite of my chocolate frog.

He nods.

“I understand you both. I think the strange thing was that they prepared it so soon, for me they did it at the beginning of my seventh year.”

"But you were never married, Uncle Alphard-“ He laughs.

"Maybe, but that didn't stop them from trying to arrange a marriage for convenience," I look surprised.

"How did you get out of that?"

"Oh, you have the same look as Sirius, but I'm sorry, it's not like I got out of that responsibility, sweetie," I grimace.

"So?"

He sighs.

“I had a girlfriend when I was about to finish school, of course she was pure blood. Not that it was a requirement for me, since I was young I did not share the same beliefs as my family, but I suppose I was lucky to find Endora,” He smiles nostalgic, “she was sweet and affectionate, it was also pure luck that her parents had a Good job in the ministry. We were in love, and we planned to get married. I was willing to leave a lot of broken hearts.” He jokes and I hit his shoulder. We both laugh.

"What happened?" His smile is erased.

“She… she got sick. Shortly after she died- I was devastated, my parents felt sorry for me, they also loved Endora- so they didn't pressure me to get married”

I see the man sitting next to me, looking at the floor, maybe remembering those good moments.

I always thought of Alphard Black as the best uncle anyone could have. He’s funny, affectionate, always helped us with mischief or covered us when we planned something. He made fun of the other adults and didn't take things seriously, he was our best accomplice, the best partner.

"If Sirius dies, I may have a chance," I said half-joking.

“I don't believe it, sweetie. My sister can be hell, I don't think she is as compassionate as our parents,” He says.

We both laugh. He looks at me and puts a lock of my hair away.

“You look as beautiful as ever, I don't understand why Sirius and you aren’t together…” At that moment I feel a knot in my stomach and I groan, causing a laugh from him.

"Don't even joke about it”

“Oh, young people… so stupid. They don't realize anything-”

"Shut up, old man.”

"Do you remember when we stole Walburga's birthday cake?" He says excitedly, like a little boy. I nod laughing.

“You distracted the adults while we stole it. But Regulus was very small and clumsy, the cake fell down getting everyone's attention.”

“The best thing was that we ate it anyway!”

This was what I liked most about Alphard, he always makes the pain in my stomach go away.

"Uncle, I thought you were gone…” The four marauders come to our side.

I settle in my place, uncomfortable because of their presence. Remus gives me a smile and I return it for a brief second.

“Can't I enjoy a day in Hogsmeade with a beautiful young lady, nephew?”

"You can, just that you're missing the beautiful lady.” James and Sirius laugh like idiots and I roll my eyes.

“Don't be a jealous child, Sirius. Behave.” I look at the man. Sirius stops laughing and clears his throat. The only adult he listens to is his uncle.

“It's a pleasure to see you, Mr. Black,” adds Remus, always so polite.

"Yes, it’s cool. Sirius was very selfish in not telling us that you would come,” Potter teases, hitting his friend.

"I had to talk to him about important issues," Sirius mumbles, looking at me.

“I'm glad to see you guys too. But I think I must go…” I can't help pouting, watching his movements, “Come on, sweetie. I promise to have another meeting with you” I nod while Sirius lets out a snort.

Alphard gets up and gives me a hug.

“You know you can write to me whenever you want, Persephone.”

“Okay…” He kisses my forehead and moves away a little. He waves goodbye to the others and puts a hand on Sirius's shoulder.

“I hope our conversations has served you, guys. Although, I forgot to mention something…” He smiles, “You should ask for help from your friends, you’d be surprised of how many unions can be ruined by a good plan”

Everyone sees the man in utter confusion. Everyone, but one person, that understood clearly what he’d meant.

Taglist: 

@treestarrrrrrrr @siriuslysirius1107 @thagreenmoonblack @madmaiden2890 @bloodorangemoonlight​   @ren-ela​   @avipshamitra​  @auroraaawrites   @findzelda

[matthewxdavidson]

House of Cards || Mattcedes

Tagging: Matthew Davidson & Mercedes Jones When: March 11, 2019 Where: the grocery store Notes: An unexpected breakdown happens. :( Triggers: Suicide mention, depression, PTSD, death, fire mention and anxiety

Mercy

It was weird being back in the real world after over a week away, but all in all she was glad to be back home. The one good thing that came out of all of this was that she and Jack did get closer, she learned more things about him and he was a true friend to her. She wasn't sure exactly what the future held for them as friends but she wasn't dreading anything now.  Walking into the grocery store, she checked her phone, being gone also meant she needed to do some shopping.  She normally would have sent someone else but she needed to get out and about, start living again, even if that meant running into other people. Grabbing a cart she made her way down the isles, grabbing the things she needed.

Matt

After Ellie left his place, still offering to let him take her 3pm therapist appointment but he insisted she go instead; Matt knew he needed to get his meals ready for the week. It was something he kept on top of for some time now because he did try to be smart about his money. However little he made compared to the rest of his family and most of his friends made eating out a luxury. As he rounded the corner, reading the back of a cereal box he walked right into a cart. Serves him right for not paying attention. "Crap." he said immediatly and looked up. "Sorry. They've got these puzzles on here and I always try to solve them." He admitted to the old woman who he startled. It was then he noticed Mercedes and his heart immediatly stopped. This was the last place he thought he'd see her and he considered backing up and leaving her alone but it was too late when she looked his way.

Mercy

Mercedes had just added the noodle's to her cart as she looked up and saw Matt. She didn't want to see him, talk to him but running away wasn't a good thing. And she was going to have to face him anyways. Making her way towards him she put on a smile. "Matt, hey." She said softly. "What brings you out and about?" She stopped her cart in front of his, usually she would have reached out and hugged him but now she couldn't, so instead she just leaned onto the cart.

Matt

Well....the last time he saw her in person there was a lot of anger directed at him, a rage that he'd never forget. It was warranted due to him doing one of the shittiest things possible to someone. To her. "Hey." he set the box of cereal down in the area where kids typically sat. "Got back from California and I don't have anything in the fridge to prep my weekly meals." He looked at her and there was a small smile, a genuine one, that ticked his lips upwards just a touch. She looked good and healthy. There was even this glow about her and it made him happy for her. "What about you? I can't remember the last time I saw you in a store that wasn't one of our random snacks run."

Mercy

Mercedes nodded, she could look at him and see just how warn out he was, how tired he looked.  "Ah makes sense." She placed her hair behind her ears . "I needed food for myself and the horn dog. And I know I usually send people but I really just wanted to go for myself. Start doing some things for myself you know?" She laughed at his comment about the snack run. Sighing she gripped the cart. "How was your time away? I know even a few hours from home helps when you are stressed and over worked."

Matt

"So is that Romeo's new name? Horn Dog? Did he try to hump you when you went to get him from the puppy day care?" Matt knew that dog since he was a pup and never had seen him get that level of frisky. Could be some type of acting out. He looked at her cart and picked up the noodle she placed in there. "These are really good. I like to add them to a broth with vegetables. Easy and doesn't require much when it comes to actual cooking." He set it back and moved his cart to the side to let someone pass by. "It was okay. Things aren't great in Matt's personal life but what else is new." He chuckled but it was clear how humorless it was, especially when he looked down. "I ended it with El. It was for the best. For everyone."

Mercy

"Yep its his new name until he turns back into the dog I know. He was very happy to see me, and didn't hump a thing. I for one think he was just acting out, he didn't get to go, things have change, I have changed so I think he was just acting out." She glanced at him and nodded. "Yeah we had some great dishes while we were gone and I wanted to try this noodle dish." Listening to Matt her heart broke for him, but she still couldn't bring herself to be there like she used too, to hold him and tell him everything would be okay.  "I am sorry Matt, but you can't do what is best for everyone, at the end of the day its gotta be what is best for you. I am sure you and El will work it out."

Matt

"You gonna sing that Hound Dog song by Elvis, but substitute it with Horn?" No matter what Matt always felt at ease with her, even when things were strained and awkward. He just hated that all of this could have been avoided if he hadn't been reckless with his choices; which in turn hurt a number of people in the process. "Hope you take a picture of that dish. I want to see how it turns out. And it's fine. Shit happens." He didn't want to get into it and, at last, he looked up at her. The days away did him some good but it didn't rid how exhausted his eyes were from everything. "Maybe we will. Or not. Right now I don't want to think of anything other than work and getting a therapist appointment lined up." This was great grocery store conversation but, thankfully, it wasn't during peak hours.

Mercy

"I might, but then again if he behaves I may just sing his regular how much is that doggy in the window." she said with a slight smile. She nodded. "Don't worry I will take a picture, may even send a plate over to the station, because I am that awesome." she stated.  She sighed, she didn't like to see him sad and at the end of the day, he was her best friend even if she was hurt by him. She wanted to speak up but when he said therapist she smiled moving towards him. "Matt! That is incredible. I am proud of you for seeing that." She hugged him.. Pulling away she sighed.  "Sorry, I am just... Matt I know whats coming up and what is happening, and I know that you need to talk to someone. I am proud of you for taking care of yourself proud of this step." She gave him a reassuring smile meaning what she said. Jackson told her that as hurt as she was being there was more important than anger and he was right. She was going to support him even if he hurt her.

Matt

"Yeah, you're awesome alright. And it'll only make the guys at the station want you around even more. But you've always been one to spoil them." Matt said, thinking of the years he's been at that station and how they've been in each others lives for such a long time; doing all types of things together. Which made what they were going through so fucking hard. He needed he. He'd always need her but he wanted her to have that life with Jackson without him fucking it up for them. But when she hugged him Matt was taken aback by it but his hands settled on her back and he took that very brief moment to smell her perfume. It felt almost close to normal but he knew that wasn't the case. "I'm trying." he said at last as she pulled away from him. "I don't want to but I know I need to. I'm hurting too many people. And that's not me. I don't want to hurt anyone." Other than myself, but he kept that quiet.

Mercy

Mercedes smiled. "Yeah they are greedy but its worth feeding hero's. Speaking of which,  maybe I should get them  something for dessert too, I mean if I am making dinner for them." She listened to him accepting responsibility for hurting people and knew he was on the right track. Knew he was going to be okay. "Matt you didn't mean to hurt anyone, and as much as I wanted to blame you for what happened, it was no one's fault, you can't help who you love, you can't help how you feel." She moved back to her cart. "You are not at fault for everything bad that happens Matt, you gotta realize that."

Matt

Matt chuckled at the fact she expanded on what she planned to bring to the station. "Will there be a salad to start the meal off, too?" He teased and took a deep breath and nodded. "But yeah. Guess when you come in to talk to the chief about Easter you can bring everything with you. I can help if you need it." It was second nature to offer, and he doubted she'd accept but he'd always do it. "No. You can't but-" he paused and pressed his lips together. This wasn't the conversation he wanted to get into in the middle of the pasta aisle. "But there's more to everything. Like I told you in the text the other day. The reasonings behind why I did what I did." He went ahead and said it anyway. Sort of. "I know that it's not fair to hold you back from Jackson. I really like the guy when I know he's making an effort and with the trip you took and how happy you are right now that it was for the best. That me hurting you got things going for you and him."

Mercy

"Well I mean what is pasta without Salad and Garlic Bread." She said going to her phone and adding it to the list. "You can try but it will already be made by the time I get to the station, just tell everyone to bring their appetite." Mercedes rolled her eyes at his words, she hated that she was still made at his lies but she had to figure out how to get past that part of everything. "Matt, yes you wanted to give Jackson and I a chance, but you wanted to give you and Ellie one too. You did that for you and her and I had to let go, you pushed me away so you could be happy and yes I got to know Jackson a lot better on the trip, we talked about you and Ellie and everything and I am glad for it, and no we probably wouldn’t have gotten closer if you hadn't ripped my heart out of my chest, but it could have been done better."

Matt

There was a family coming down the aisle towards them and Matt bit his tongue. There was some truth to what she said but it wasn't the complete one. But did it matter? Why should he share the reasonings behind it all when, in the end, he helped her start down the path of happiness with someone who wasn't of types of fucked up from countless issues--issues that were still very prominent and potentially hazardous to those close to him. His lips pursed and Matt looked down at the cereal box again, nodding. "Yeah. It could have been." he said at last and knew he should let her go. At  least they were able to talk in person and it not end in a fight but it wasn't the same. Not completely. "Just tell me when you think you'll be at the station and I'll give everyone a head's up." He said and pulled at the handle of his cart to back up and move around as soon as the family passed them. "I'm glad we got a chance to see each other. You look radiant and happy. It's an incredible look on you." he said with a small smile. "Hope we can talk later. It's been nice to get texts from you again."

Mercy

Mercedes sighed, a part of her needed more from him, for him to tell her he still loved her, wanted her. But at the end of the day, no matter how much he loved her, he loved Ellie more. And that thought is what kept her silent. That thought is what made letting him go bearable, because at least he could find a way to make it work with the woman he truly loved.  She nodded and turned to leave but stopped.  "So when a guy hurts a girl, getting her something that actually means something to her is a good thing. No matter what happened between you and Ellie, you will make it through, because when you love someone like you said you love her, it won't always be bad."

Matt

Matt stopped and thought about just letting it go but it was hard not to. With her here and possibly being the only time they’d have a chance to be this close again without other people immediately around. He turned and looked at her. The smile he wore before was gone and you could see the struggle written all over his face. “Truth of the matter Mercedes. Even when there’s nothing we can do about it. I love you. I will always love you. You’ll always be who I think of first when it comes to love.” Then he continued, not letting go of the cart because it currently served as his anchor to keep him from pulling her into his arms. “And yeah. Things will work out but I’m not thinking of that right now. I’m not thinking of anything that involves me with any relationship but I mean what I said. Never have I stopped loving you because at the end of the day when you truly love something and you know they are better off to find happiness with someone else, you let them go to explore it. Going to you that night was one of the hardest moments in my life and you’ve seen what I do for a living. And as much as I don’t regret exploring something with El for these two weeks I constantly regret losing you. Losing what we had.” He stared at her for some seconds and looked away. She’d seen enough tears from him. “Sorry. This isn’t where I thought we’d talk about this.”

Mercy

Mercedes looked at him and her smile went to a frown, this was not what she wanted to hear from him, what she needed to hear from him. He was all over the place and she didn't know what she was supposed to do. "Stop." She shook her head. "What gives you the right to make any choice for me? To decided who I get to be with. Matt I loved you I do, and like I told you, there will always be apart of me that will always love you, but you, you crushed me, do you get that? You came over to my house and told me you were in love with someone else. And now because things didn't work out with Ellie you want to say that you still love me." She was angry, angry that she seemed to be good enough only when everyone else wasn't. "I am not a consolation prize Matt, I am a great woman, I know that now. I let my father define me for so long that I literally stopped being me. But I came out of that better and I owe you for that, I will never be able to thank you for that. But no more will I accept not being a first choice." She looked around the now empty isle and wiped her eyes. "I asked you to marry me and you said no, you wanted your fun you wanted to sleep around and not be tied down, and then you come to me and say you are in love with someone else and want to be with her. So I cant' even." She sighed. "I don’t want to be the one you always come back too when things with other people don't work out. I want to be your first choice, your first love and I am not. If I was, we would be together right now. Anyways Matt, I do love you, I do care but you gotta figure out what you truly want in life I can't fall back into wanting you so bad and you leaving me again."

Matt

“The reality is you are my first choice. And I know what I did and what I said but I also know what I have going on in my head and my life. There is so much you have to live for. You have this light that needs to get out and for you not to be married or tied down to someone who doesn’t give a shit if he sees the n-“ Matt stopped his words because this was wrong and he licked his lips, remembering what Bri told him. But it was too late and he started to back away. “I said too much.” The words hurried out Matt could feel the aisles closing in on him. His heart raced hard and fast and he didn’t realize he abandoned his cart or was halfway down the aisle before he nearly dropped to his knees. Never did he want her to learn that about him. She didn’t need to see it and he didn’t want her to assume this was some ploy to try to get her back. A shaky hand gripped the side of a metal shelf and he tried to get himself under control.

Mercy

Matt started to talk and she could see on his face he wanted to say more. But he turned away and left, she watched him nearly fall and went to him  grabbing him to help him up and moved to stand in front of him. "Matt, Matt tell me what is going on, tell me what is happening with you." She turned looked to a stock person walking down the Isle and recognized him as one of the kids from the community center. "Hi Mick, so sorry my friend isn't feeling well, is there any way you can ring up both carts and put them in my car?" "Sure thing Ms. Jones."  Mercedes walked Matt over to her cart and grabbed her wallet. After fishing out $100, she gave it to him and turned to walk with him to the front, with Matt still walking with her, she grabbed a bottle water and lifted it up so he knew to ring that up as well. Thank goodness she knew the manger, because he went over to help Mick, once he Saw Mercedes holding Matt. walk Matt out to her car. He needed fresh air. Sitting him in her passenger seat, she opened the water bottle and handed it to him. "Matt tell me what is going on please."

Matt

He knew what was happening but it felt as if he wasn’t in his body. His legs felt rubbery and he struggled to catch his breath. It’d been a long time since a panic attack struck him but usually he was alone. He found himself in her car and with his heart still beating heard Matt’s forearms went to his thighs and he lowered to try to regulate everything. He was aware of the tears as soon as they struck his jeans and Matt closed his eyes. “That man who killed his kids in the fire is getting out this year. I saw him a couple times last year. I shouldn’t have gone but I needed to know. I needed a reason why tried to kill his whole family with that fire. I’ve been reliving it over and over and how I was right there. I was right there and the ceiling came down on me. If it wasn’t for Richards I would have died with them, too.” Matt had kept that near death experience to himself, feeling it wasn’t worth mentioning before. “I don’t know what to do. I want to live a normal life and be able to see how much I deserve happiness but as soon as I start to I’m reminded of those kids and now with that piece of shit coming out. I’m sure I’ll go after him and make him pay for what he did since the system clearly failed that family. Because when you give no shit about your own life then why should I care what happens to me after I take care of him?”

Mercy

Mercedes silently listened to him, it was clear that he needed to vent, to get all this out and the fact that it took him this long to tell her it didn't sit well with her. It was clear he was unraveling, but  he needed this. She knew what was going on, she knew what was happening. He went to see that crazy bastard , he felt like wasn't worth living, all of  it hit her so hard that tears fell from her face. Matt didn't need her in his life as his girl friend, or his  love, he needed his best friend, needed  to know that he has people in his life. She reached over and hugged him. He almost died and never let her know, he was keeping so many secrets from her. Cradling his head in her arms she held him. "Matt you mean the world to so many people. I know when you think of that bastard all you can do is want to hurt him, but Matt, thats what he wants, he has been tormenting your life for years. He has had this hold on you because you feel guilty. Guilty for not saving them when its your job to save people. But you were up against the devil. This wasn't your loss, this was his." She lifted his head so that his eyes met hers. "Its too damn bad that you don't care what happens to you, because Blaine, Ellie, Me, and so many other friends of yours do. And if I have to hold and intervention every second of every day we will get you through this."

Matt

So this is what came of him, a thirty year old man weeping in the arms of the woman he’s loved for as long as he could remember. Someone who he pushed away so she didn’t get tangled in his shit. Matt’s hands grasped at the back of her shoulders and he tried to stop the tears but when they’ve been built up for as long as they have it was hard to find the off switch. “I don’t want any of you to worry about me. This is why I don’t tell you what’s really happening because everyone has their own things going on.” He said into her neck as he tried to calm himself. “It’s always been easier to push people away instead of letting them in and the ones who did make it in...I hurt as soon as I realized how fucked up it was to have them in my life.” He hated this. She just got back and was getting to her life again and here he was, this pathetic excuse of a man. “I can’t stop h-h-hurting myself....”

Mercy

"Matthew John Davidson that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. You have people in your life for a reason, you have people in your life to get you through the hard time. You can't push us away when you feel like it because you are scared we can't handle it. You are there for your friends so stop being stubborn and let us be there for you!" Seeing Mick come out she nodded towards her trunk, she would separate her things for his later. "Matt look at me,  you need to stop keeping all this stuff in. You have to."

Matt

He struggled to look at her, feeling defeated and vulnerable and most importantly the coward El called him when they broke up. Eventually he did and when his eyes landed on hers he could feel that urge to pull away and retreat back into his head. He didn’t say anything to her at first and felt so fucking childish. “I’m tired, Mercedes. I don’t want to go through this again with everyone. This is too much for me to repeat.”

Mercy

Mercedes nodded. "Matt its okay, you don't have to go through this by yourself. I am here and everyone else is. You don't have to repeat it, but you can't be alone. I am calling Blaine I will tell him what happened for you but you, you can't live by yourself right now." She lifted his face to hers. "I know you are gonna fight it but Matt, please let me call Blaine, so you can stay with him for a while."

Matt

“I’m not going to go home and kill myself. I haven’t yet even when I had plenty of chances. Blaine has a lot going on with work and I’m seeing him for dinner this week. Just. Just let me do this my way. Please. I’ll tell him what happened.”

Mercy

Mercedes shook her head. "No Matt, you have been doing this your way and look at what happened.  Matt we all have stuff going on but you need to start relying on your friends, you won't go home, so you will either go stay with Blaine or I will find someone else to stay with you." She wanted to be the one to help him, stay with him but it was too hard.

Matt

She was such a stubborn woman but Matt knew it was because she cares for him. He didn’t want to answer because he was already inconveniencing her with this fucking mess he’s dragged himself into. He would call Ellie but she was trying to better things with Steven and she didn’t need this and Bri came to mind but they were at that level. He stared at her, the cogs clearly turning to try to find his way out of this but it was too late. “Call him.” He said at last.

[elenatria]

Maybe Chris is still salty over Hiddleswift. May be, over jealousy, she insulted Chris or the other way around (Chris was jealous, accidentally insulted her & she bit back)

http://archiveofourown.org/works/13839114/chapters/31942422

Chris was finding it hard to forget aboutTom’s unanswered phone call even when he was lazily brushing his fingersthrough Taika’s curls as he had him sleeping on his naked chest. He and Tomhadn’t really seen each other outside of the set for almost a month now, sincehe had invited them all at his place in Byron Bay, a two-hour drive fromBrisbane. He remembered how hot that day was, how he had regretted deciding tothrow a party the very minute he announced it to everyone the day before. Allthe details from that day came back to him as he traced Taika’s spine with thetips of his fingers: Tom’s glasses, the gazebo, the nail polish, the heat.

That unbearable July heat.

The cool glass of scotch on therocks against his hot forehead seemed to have the soothing effect he had beencraving for since he woke up that Saturday, sweaty and still tired from yesterday’sexhausting filming schedule. He had spent the whole day preparing the house forfifty guests, most of them cast and crew, getting the buffet filled with drinksand all kinds of Australian dishes like barbecued shrimps, potato cakes,scallops and meat pies. It had been some time since he had hosted a party alonebut he thought it would be a piece of cake, all he had to do was call TheLarder to tend to the catering. Truth is, he was much more needed in the house thanhe had expected and he realized that on a hot July day like this he’d rather beat the beach waxing his surfboard than hopelessly sweating in his white shirtand trousers, trying to make small talk with the partners and spouses of hiscolleagues, people he had never met before and would probably never see again.

Unfortunately there were too many ofthem and he felt he was wasting his time talking here and there; there was onlyone person in that crowd he’d rather be spending time with, someone who wasbusy chatting and laughing with Victoria who had just arrived from L.A. tovisit the set. Tom had welcomed her with a heartfelt “Vickyyyy!” and theyhadn’t stopped chatting ever since she came out to the garden, both of them gigglingwhile Tom kept calling her “Mrs Alonso” just to tease her for he knew how shedespised such formalities. Despite the distance between them Chris was staringso persistently at Tom that he could almost see the wrinkles in the corners ofhis laughing eyes through his thick glasses. Every little wrinkle, every poreof his skin.

The first time Chris had seen Tomwearing this new pair of glasses was more than a month ago in Philly but he hadtotally forgotten to tell him how good it looked on him, how it framed beautifullyhis big blue eyes. He was tired, jetlagged and with such a horrible headachethat all he wanted was the Q&A to be over so he could run back to his hoteland sleep for a whole day. In retrospect he thought the headache and the jetlagshouldn’t have stopped him from exchanging a few more words with Tom, both onand off stage, but after thinking over and over again of all the imaginaryconversations that could have taken place and being taunted by endless guilttrips, it dawned on him that it wasn’t just his state of mind that preventedhim from being warmer to Tom that day.

He had finally remembered; as he waswatching Tom answering questions on the stage of Wizard World in his quiltedblue jacket and checkered red and blue shirt, his eyes gleaming, his skin fresh,tanned and glowing, cheerful and ready to spill his heart out to the audience, Chrisrealized what, or who, was the cause of that giddiness. It wasn’t just sittingso close to each other, it wasn’t just Tom’s enthusiasm about working with himagain. It was the phone call Tom made minutes before walking up on that stage;he had retreated to a peaceful backstage corner and had dialed the number turninghis back on him. Chris had suspected who Tom was talking to with a low purringvoice and a childlike smile on his face - he had seen the Met gala clip of himdancing with Taylor back in May. The vid itself meant nothing to him at thetime but he did feel a sting of jealousy now seeing Tom’s eyes soften and his voicego mellow over the phone; that moment he knew it was her.

When the phone call ended he decidednot to talk about it – he thought if Tom had a relationship he would tell him.They weren’t together anymore but Chris had hoped they could still keep intouch, share stuff like they did before, be honest and open, like nothing hadchanged.

He was wrong.

Everythinghad changed.

Tom didn’t mention Taylor after hehung up, he didn’t mention her when they went for lunch at the Palm withfriends after the Q&A, he didn’t mention her when they parted ways in theairport.

And on that stage everything seemedfake; Tom calling him “brother from another mother” and slapping his kneecordially when he had just talked to his new “secret” girlfriend, squeezing Chris’large bicep just to please the crowds as if they were still together, askinghim to be his Romeo and gushing about him going to the gym. It was all a joke.A big fat joke.

“When I put the Loki costume on italways feels like it’s going to be fun,” Tom said turning to him, “especiallyworking with this guy.” He smiled expecting a reaction from him.

Chris smirked awkwardly and aww’edalong with the crowd. That was all the reaction he was willing to give him.

Maybe it was cute when they weretogether. Maybe it was funny. Now it felt as if Tom was laughing in his face.

You want smiles from me, Tom?

Fuck off, you’re not getting any smiles. Not today, not ever.

After two weeks he was not all thatsurprised to see the beach shots of Tom and Taylor taken by the paps. Howeverhe was bitter that he had to find out through the Sun of all things, and notTom himself. Reminiscing the day he first cast eyes on that awful tabloid coverhe realized why he never commented on those fabulous new glasses: it had beensome time since Tom cared about getting compliments from him. It had been sometime since Tom cared about anything Chris said or did.

“Not getting any smiles from me,mate” he repeated to himself as he opened his eyes with a sigh and lowered hishand holding the glass of scotch that he had just used as an ice pack on his forehead.He took a sip staring at Tom who had now turned his back on him and was talkingto Mark, barely noticing the young blonde with the cherry-red lips who had cometo stand next to him under the gazebo with a martini glass in her hand.

“He’s perfect, isn’t he?” she saidwith a satisfied nod stirring the olive at the bottom of the glass with acocktail pick. “My agent likes to call him ‘my next mistake’”, she giggled, “butgod, look at the ass on that mistake,makes you want to never be correct again.”

Chris cringed internally and turnedto her trying hard to smile. “Hey Taylor!” His eyes fell to her long fingersthat were still stirring the martini. “Nice nail polish you got there, it… complementsyour eyes. I guess.”

“You think?” Taylor said cheerfullybending her fingers to inspect them. “I love it, they said it’s calledSakaarian Blue.”

“Sakaarian Blue?” Chris raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t know Marvel had released Ragnarokmerchandise already.”

“Ragnarok merchandise? I don’t knowwhat you’re talking about, I found it in a little shop in Brisbane called ‘LeCul du Diable.’”

“Weird name, what does it mean?”

“I don’t know,” Taylor shrugged.“The clerk told me they had just opened up, they’re new here. Tom picked thecolour for me, isn’t it nice?” she said stretching her arm and spreading herfingers. “He has such good taste,” she smirked.

“Huh,” Chris huffed absent-mindedlyand went back to staring at the general direction of Tom and his company, afact that didn’t escape Taylor.

“I hear you two were close,” sheraised her voice nonchalantly trying to get his attention.

“You and the rest of the planet,”Chris mumbled without taking his eyes off Tom.

“Oh I don’t mean the promo tours andthe interviews and all that ‘brother from another mother’ bullshit,” shesniggered squeezing her heart-shaped lips on the straw, taking little sips asshe threw side-glances at him with her doe eyes.

Chris turned to her slowly as shebatted her fake eyelashes and grinned crushing the straw with her perfect whiteteeth. He sighed and folded his arms across his chest, narrowing his eyes as hefelt his cheeks flushing with anger.

“I’m sure there’s a big history…”she continued. “He hasn’t told me details of course, just the general outline.”

“Wow,Taylor, complicated words!” Chris enthused.“Did you learn those from your agent as well or did you have to look them up ina dictionary?”

Taylor broke into a high-pitchedgiggle, shaking, almost spilling her drink on her long golden gown with the redtrimming. Chris then realized for the first time how bucked her perfect teeth lookedand how “perfectly” fake they were, a fact that made them all the more annoying.

When she finally managed to catchher breath she fanned herself showing off her Sakaarian Blue nails one moretime.

“Don’t worry, big guy,” she soothedhim. “Tom is known for oversharing. Inevitably he’d get to you too at somepoint, no biggie. I mean it’s not like he had a whole lot to say,” she saidpatting his chest condescendingly and walked towards the center of the garden,slipping her hand around Tom’s arm and leaning her cheek close to his lips soas to get a kiss.

Chris fought the urge to break hisglass against the gazebo post, instead he splashed his scotch across the grassand motioned towards the pool. As he walked past the deck chairs a long dark-skinnedleg with a moko tattoo rose from the ground, stopping him in his tracks.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Taika said, his pineapplebandana wrapped around his eyes as he lied leisurely in the afternoon sun.

“How did you see me under that? Ithought you were sleeping,” Chris murmured putting his hands in his pockets.

“I can see everything, Chris, I thought you should know,” he said with  feigned arrogance.

“Huh…”

“Don’t ‘huh’ me, bro, sit down,” heurged him patting the deck chair next to him.

Chris sat down with an unwillinggrunt.

“What is the matterrrrrr?” Taikaslurred adjusting the bandana on his eyes and rested his hands on the arms ofthe chair.

“Nothing…” Chris murmured andtangled his fingers as he leaned against his knees.

“She’s an annoying little thing,isn’t she,” Taika continued.

Chris didn’t answer.

The Kiwi director lifted the bandanaenough to reveal one eye, glancing at the guests that were scattered around thepool. “Aren’t they all enjoying themselves?”

“They are…” Chris agreed.

“But you aren’t.”

“Well, to be honest with you, I’drather have spent today surfing.”

“Never too late!” Taika sang.

“Naaah it is, there’s no wind.”

“It’s ok,” Taika said rubbing hisback, “you’ll go tomorrow. Wow Chris, you’re tense,” he added as he sat upabruptly and kneaded the broad shoulder with his fingers.

“I’m tired…” Chris lamented.

“Here. Let me,” Taika said standingup behind him massaging his shoulders.

Chris let out a deep breath as hewatched Taylor whispering in Tom’s ear on the other side of the pool; she thenput her arms around her two friends, a blonde and a brunette in skimpy lamé dresses around her age, and shook her hipsplayfully from side to side. Tom laughed and lowered his eyes, blushing.

“That girl belongs in theGrandmaster’s orgy ship, don’t you reckon?” Taika said dryly.

Chris chuckled and lowered his headallowing Taika to work on the full length of his trapezius. His touch was quiterelieving even above the sweaty white shirt. “I guess,” he muttered.

“Talking of the orgy ship I’ve hadsome ideas lately, can you imagine if you pushed a button that sets offfireworks? And another button that starts a tape singing ‘It’s my birthday’?It’s a leisure vessel after all, it could turn into an enormous disco ball orsomething.”

Chris laughed.

“See? I made you laugh,” Taikagrinned proudly as he rubbed the back of Chris’ neck with his thumb. “Andtalking about birthdays, mine is in a month, make sure not to miss it.”

“When is that?”

“August 16th.”

“I’ll bake you a cake then,” Chrisjoked.

“You do that.”

Chris closed his eyes as he felt thetension leaking out of his body through Taika’s magic fingers. No man had evermassaged him before. He wondered what it would be like if there was no onearound that moment, if they were alone, if Taika was as good at giving massagesas he claimed, if-

“And oh, Chris, it was about timeyou tried my massaging skills,” Taika said as if reading his mind. “I mean afull session.”

“Why?”

Taika gaped in astonishment. “Becauseeveryone else has! Besides your birthday is in a month as well, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, August 11th.”

“Far,” Taika said excitedly.“Consider the massage as your birthday present then.”

Chris smiled and yawned as he contemplated Taika’selaborate and long-term plan to get under his skin - and into his pants -  while he listened to the steady rhythm of hislover’s breathing; Taika was fast asleep now and probably dreaming, Christhought, and when he wasn’t looking at you with his judgmental laser eyes helooked like a perfect angel; a sleeping brown-skinned angel. He was starting tofeel drowsy as well since they had managed to exhaust each other with theirinsatiable curiosity that day in the trailer. As darkness began to fall Chris forgotall about Tom’s phone call and fell asleep with Taika in his arms.

He never got to hear his phonebuzzing once, twice, then going silent again. He was already dreaming of vastlandscapes of garbage, golden gowns and blue nail polish.