#he just wants to ride it so bad

[paintaboveyourbones]

All Roads Lead to Ween

Ok, ok, so for various corndog-related reasons, I've decided I need to share my headcannons about Marius' weiner with you all. But, that being said, I come with receipts, and like it or not I hope to convince you all that I have a point.

Click for weiners, wangs, pee pees, I'm talking the worm that needs burping, the noodle that oozes, the gherkin that gets the jerkin - all below the cut.

The historical evidence.

So, if you've ever looked at any form of Roman-Grecco ancient art you'll notice that there's a stylistic trend to depict penises as very small.

There's a lot of debate as to why this is. Some have put forth the proposal that this was merely for public modesty and that the general public might have felt uneasy with statues that depicted full-size, adult male penises in public. Believe it or not, Rome went through some very strictly moral phases now and then, depending on who the emperor was.

However, other scholars often point to Greek ideals in order to decode Roman ones. While I think it's a little simplistic to simply say the Romans stole Greek culture wholesale, there's no denying they absorbed quite a bit of what they admired. That being said, in The Clouds, Aristophanes writes, "A gleaming chest, bright skin, broad shoulders, tiny tongue, strong buttocks, and a little prick" when describing an ideal of masculine beauty. So the idea of small penises being something that could be aesthetically appealing isn't that far off.

I've also heard some classists argue that a small penis is a symbolic representation of intellectual prowess. That it's less to do with the size of the organ and more visual short hand to show a man who has conquered his baser animal instincts. Put a pin in that.

I mean, honestly, I could go on all day about penis theories. Believe me when I say I've only touched on the very tip of the iceberg on this one. But for our purposes, I'll just stick to these as a few main talking points.

But! You might be saying - that can't be true all across the board! And you'd be right! Romans did love their big weiners, too. Just take a gander at these fat cocks.

Wowzerz!

But what's up with that? These big thick fat salami-sized dicks usually appear when connected to mythical figures or gods. Sayters are often times depicted with big hairy schlongs because it's comical and it reinforces the animal half of their nature - its part of the joke. Other times god's are depicted with bigger willy-whackers because it's a sign of good luck or fertility or protection. But it's important to remember these depictions were the exception rather than the rule; they usually served a purpose and were meant to be the focus.

Now we get to Marius. My big, beautiful, awkward, half-barbarian baby.

All roads lead back to weens. I know this isn't a particularly hot take or even an especially erudite thing to put in a tumble post, but men take their jhonsons way too seriously. How much of early manhood and becoming a man is directly tied to the idea of a penis before it even has the chance to be put to its intended use?

And in the Roman world, it's not like this was an area where there was a lot of secret-keeping. People attended public baths in the nude, men exercised naked at the palaestra, and having sex with slaves and prostitutes was a very normalized right of passage Pandora even makes a point to mention this when she talks about growing up in her father's house and hearing the point after the banquet when the raping of the house salves takes place. In short - probably most people in your personal orbit knew that the size of your wang was whether you wanted it or not.

But what if? WHAT IF MARIUS HAS A HUGE WEINER DONG AND HE'S LIKE TERMINALLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT???

Like! It's SO un-Roman! He wants to be a scholar, god damnit! How is he supposed to be taken seriously with this huge donkey dick just bouncing around and knocking about between his thighs when he's just out trying to buy new scrolls in the marketplace?

Imagine being a young man and learning how to wrestle with the tutor and the other upper-class sons. When he goes to get in position, somebody yells out, "Careful, you don't get crushed to death by that barbarian club he's smuggling!" Then they all laugh! The shame! The humiliation! If you all only knew how hard I laugh thinking about Marius' weeny being of such a particular size that others use it to humiliate him.

BTW I think this also makes sense to think of it as being super small or really thin. Like, something that he tries to justify by saying it's proof of his superior intellect but everyone knows they don't buy it. Then Pandora's jibe hits differently. And as someone who likes to think of her being the domme in the relationship this leads to even more salacious wonderings, but that's not the point of this post so I guess I'll just stfu for now.

You too can read about Roman dick artifacts here!

[turtleblogatlast]

I think about Leo’s “I’m your least favorite” comment to Splinter in “Down with the Sickness” a lot. It’s likely just a throwaway comment, a way to get Splinter to leave him alone before Leo gets sick too, but I can’t help but wonder if Leo believes it on some level.

Obviously it’s not true, Splinter loves him as much as he loves the others, but…it wouldn’t be shocking if Leo believed otherwise. After all, just in “Many Unhappy Returns” alone, Splinter has, with no hesitation, said comments like “my other sons would have taken this seriously” and “I knew I should’ve brought purple”, said “no” to Leo’s “I love you”, and pretty blatantly didn’t extend any trust in Leo’s plan even after Leo was fairly effortlessly defeating their opponents.

It was only after, when they’d already won, that Splinter finally gives him a “it was all you my son!” And…that’s basically it. Raph is the one who announces his trust in Leo. Not their father, even though Splinter is the one to witness Leo lowering his walls for once (which Splinter doesn’t react well too, because Leo only lowers his walls in the most hectic of times, and because he lowers them only then, either no one is around or no one is in the right state of mind to respond properly, leading to Leo building his walls back up, and the cycle continues.)

Again, it’s not because Splinter doesn’t love Leo, but Leo…can’t be feeling too good about all that. The way he never reacted surprised about any of Splinter’s words too…

He may know that Splinter loves them all, as a group, but individually…I don’t think Leo believes he ranks all that high with that love. Gives another meaning to “I’m nothing without my brothers” huh?

(Of course, I’m willing to bet the invasion changed that understanding, but with that comes the potential misunderstanding that his father’s outright love is tied to Leo sacrificing himself.)

[heich0e]

au in which touya ends up having to watch natsuo put his hands all over you because you took something offered to you at a sketchy warehouse party that has you panting and whimpering and burning up and his own hot hands can't provide you any comfort but his little brother's cool-quirked touch can

[unexpectedbrickattack]

Drinking Buddies :)

[samarecharm]

I miss goro. Bring his bitchass back

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

The boys hanging out behind the scenes of The Comedy of Terrors (1964)

Vincent Price, Boris Karloff, Peter Lorre, and Basil Rathbone

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 757: A small tremor

Pag 1

2: Raging waves!!

3: Swirling ocean currents!!

Pag 2

1: Danchiku!!

2: We're now in the land of the decisive battle, Kyushu!! In Shimonoseki!!

Calm down, Issa, this is Moji. Shimonoseki is on the opposite shore, it's in Yamaguchi Prefecture

3: 1000 years ago, the final battle between Genji and Heike happened here

Pag 3

2: You know that because we did it recently in Japanese History? So you were awake....

3: The master fencer Miyamoto Musashi and Sasaki Kotaro had their duel in the close Ganryu Island!!

Ah... almost, but not really. It's Sasaki Kojiro; Kotaro is a friend of yours

5: Here!!

6: Here it's the starting point of the Inter High!!

8: Us!!

Pag 4

1: Let's become the best in Japan

Danchiku!!

Pag 5

2: Uh......!!

I came here just to chaperone you.... and I was wondering what you were you even talking about until now....

3: But this guy's simple words and feelings-

(Let's go see the sea, Danchiku! It's the sea!

Let's go renew our determination!!)

4: -can always shake my heart!!

Yeah, Issa!!

Pag 6

1: The towel is cast!!*

2: It's “the die is cast”!!*

Die is dice and it means “it's already started so you have to move forward”!! To “throw the towel” means to “give up”!!

(*NdT.: here Issa uses two very similar words: he says “saji” while it's actually “sai”)

3: Ahhh, dammit, I'm really so fired up!!

4: Let's go show this excitement to him!!

Him!?

To Doubashi!! Hahaha

Hm... wait, you want to go to Hakogaku's tent!? You want to march inside? Stop, Issa!!

Pag 7

3: We're here

4: Why are you here- during Doubashi-san's massage

See, look, Issa

Sohoku second years!? Don't come into the enemy's tent without even a greeting!

Doesn't matter

5: Let them through

Pag 8

1: It's been a while. I'm so worked up now, Doubashi!!

“san”, na!!

2: He's huge.....!! Hakogaku's third year, Doubashi Masakiyo!!

He sitting down, and yet he looks like Issa that's standing up!!

3: Is it your ring name!? Sanna Doubashi!?

I told you to use the honorific “san, idiot!! Buah!!

4: Was he this huge last year!? ….. no

He got even bigger during this past year!!

5: There are so many injuries in his knees

6: And even on his elbows there are traces of fights...!!

Pag 9

1: I came to tell you how much stronger I got in this past year

Oi, stop, if you say something like this now, you'll definitely regret it later

Nah, I'll say it

3: There's another person

4: Ah....

5: Is he also..... a regular?

6: Ah, Yes, I'm Sohoku's... second year...

Hahaha I'll introduce you!!

7: Is he your partner, Orange?

Hahaha, that's right!!

8: Our team's name is SS!! His name is Danchiku!!

I'm telling you this for your own good

9: Stop

Pag 10

1: This guy's a “chicken*”

(*NdT.: here the literal translation of the kanji used is "weak-hearted", while the reading says "chicken")

Pag 11

2: He'll run away right away

3: Buah!!

4: Road racing half a mental sport!! The distance is long and there'll be a lot of difficult moments. I don't know what kind of runner this guy is, but he's mentally weak and he'll be crushed by the pressure, especially at the Inter High!!

5: He got my weak point with one shot....!!

6: Nah, Orange!! Let's have a serious race, the two of us

Ah!?

And bring a better guy than this!! Ah!?

7: This one's no good, he can't run!!

That's what the sensor in my polished body are telling me

8: Doesn't Sohoku have a reserve!? You should.....

Pag 12

1: Replace him right now

4: Yuuto lost to a guy like this?

Ah!?

Well, I guess you had quite an advantage since it was a rcae in your hometown

Danchiku won!!

5: Would it be better if I was replaced...? No

He's not a bad guy, but.... sometimes he says bad stuff. Last year, too-

6: No, that's not true!!

What am I saying!! I'll run!! I'll be the one running!!

Pag 13

1: In the Inter High!! Together with Issa!!

2: Ehi, welcome back. Did you have fun on your walk?

… yeah

I've done the oiling and the gear check

Did you see the sea?

It was fired up!!

3: Fired up?

The sea was fired up!!

4: “My heart is small”

“Yours is much bigger”

5: Sugimoto-san.....

Once you get dressed could you try ride it?

Pag 14

1: Uhm, Sugimoto-san

3: Hm?

4: Hy.... hypothetically

5: If right now

6: I said I couldn't run, what would you do?

Pag 15

4: Since the day I was chosen as a reserve

5: I haven't taken even one day off practice

7: The members may seem to be in perfect condition, but they could accidentally fall and get injured, or get ill

Be ready to run the moment you know someone can't run, that's what a reserve is

I

8: I spent my time wishing that all my efforts would be in vain

Pag 16

1: I would run for all three days!!

Now I'll put this toolbox down, put on the my cleats and prepare my own bike!!

Can be done in fifteen minutes!!

Pag 17

2: Be prepared!!

4: I-I'm sorry!!

I'm sorry for saying stupid things

5: In road racing a reserve can only be subbed in until the start of the first day

The rules say that you can't change during the race

6: Is that so!?

You didn't know that!?

7: Once the race starts, if someone can't run, he can't be substituted

He retires and the number of people in the tea decreases... that's road racing

8: If your condition isn't good, tell us now

It's more advantageous is all six people run

9: It's alright, if you made that decision

Pag 18

1: No one will blame you

Pag 19

1: This trial run on the course is terrific, Danchiku

The sea is in full view!!

2: That tanker is huugee!!

“No one will blame you”

3: Don't hang your head, don't look down

What a I thinking!!

Raise your head!!

4: Issa is here

5: The Inter High I've longed for

6: “Stop”

“Chicken”

7: The die is cast!!

[maegalkarven]

In light of Alicole reveal, let me just say that I will absolutely LOSE my mind (in the best possible way) if the reason Daeron was sent to Oldtown is because he has brown hair.

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread

To Shape A Dragon’s Breath

YA fantasy

a young Indigenous girl finds & bonds with a dragon hatchling - the first time in many generations for her people - and is required to go to the coloniser’s dragon academy in their mainland city, to learn how to raise her dragon and the science of its magic

historical inspired setting on the cusp of industrial revolution with steampunk vibes

bi polyamorous MC, Black lesbian SC, nonverbal autistic SC

[quietwingsinthesky]

we’ve all said it before but ill say it again, sam should have gotten lucifer pregnant and that should have been the jack origin. if she was jessifer at the time, even better <3

[flamestar126]

Someone has a crush 😗

[unipacas]

trying to be brave and share more doodles/WIPs here, i’ve been redrawing some spider-man 2099 comic panels in my AU and im having a blast LOL....his mom 😭😭💀

more sketches under the cut bc i don’t want this post to be super long lol

ok ty for looking, or sorry that u did LOL

[moonyflesh]

[☕️]

Oscar Isaac on his way to the stage (after picking up some hot coffee) of the 2023 Broadway production of “The Sign in Sydney Brustein’s Window”.

I wanna get a cup of coffee with this man SO bad.

[sonknuxadow]

people who love to nitpick every little thing in sonic media and act like it's good criticism need to stop going "ummm why doesn't he just run. it's faster" every time sonic drives a car for any reason . its because he wants to gave a fun and fair race with his friends OBVIOUSLY . where is your joy and whimsy

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Vincent Price dress rehearsal for Dragonwyck (1946)

[meyerlansky]

if hotd really wanted to make my year they'd have just made eliot alys

put a long wavy wig and some mascara on him and we're off to the fucking races