#he just wants to make sure they know they are loved and appreciated

[humanjarvis]

nurse for a day

synopsis: who knew a sick doctor could be such a handful? 

tags: stubborn zayne who hates being sick, reader takes care of him anyway, sleepy delirious zayne, fluff fluff fluff, humor(?), suggestive for .5 seconds word count: 2k 

a/n: i personally think i ate with this one 

It was quiet. Too quiet. 

As you slink through the seemingly empty house, ducking into shadows like you’re on a stealth mission, you really wish your boyfriend weren’t so damn stubborn. 

On your earlier phone call, Zayne had tried admirably hard to mask the nasally tone in his voice—to pretend like his frequent coughs were simply him “clearing his throat.” But you knew better.

He doesn’t get sick often—what with knowing exactly how to prevent it, and all—but when he does, he detests it for several reasons. The most pressing one, at the moment? You love when Zayne is sick.

Not because you think he deserves it, not because you want to see him suffer, but because you get to play nurse. After so many days being taken care of and scolded by the best doctor in Linkon, you finally get to return the favor. 

Except Zayne isn’t particularly…appreciative of the favor. You’re a very strict nurse, he’s frowned at you several times before. You tell him over and over again that you only want him to feel better, but that doesn’t stop him from holing up in a bunker every time he comes down with something. It’s the only time he avoids you. 

And now, he’s hiding from you. In his own home. 

You know he’s here. When you arrived, his freshly washed car was sparkling in the driveway, a full mug of jasmine tea was still steaming on the kitchen countertop, and various office supplies were left scattered across the coffee table. As if he’d heard you coming and frantically abandoned ship. 

You’d searched the usual spots: his empty bedroom, so pristine it looked like a hotel cleaning crew had stopped by; the walk-in closet, to make sure he hadn’t disguised himself among the hangers; and his study, where there’d been nothing but heaps of paperwork threatening the desk’s structural integrity. 

He’s being extra sneaky this time, you scoff to yourself as you tiptoe around upstairs. Room after room, and no endearingly, adorably, annoyingly stubborn doctor inside. 

But then, pressing your ear to the laundry room door, you hear it. 

The unmistakable crinkle of a candy wrapper.

You’ve never felt so lucky that Zayne reserves his self-control for you and not sweets. 

With a deep breath and a crack of your knuckles, you jiggle the doorknob slightly before bursting into the room. The man inside, hunched over the floor next to a tissue box, jumps at the sudden noise before freezing in place. And then, slowly, shyly, he spins to face you with the wide eyes and stuffed cheeks of a disgruntled hamster. 

Zayne has spent enough time with you to know what the unimpressed look on your face means: Explain yourself. 

“I don’t remember you knocking,” he sniffles curtly, unable to hide the way his stuffy nose constricts his throat. The rosy blush on his cheeks is the only indication of his guilt. 

“I don’t remember signing up to date an escape artist,” you shoot back, satisfied with his resulting wince. “What are you doing all the way in here? Was the space under the desk in your study not suitable this time?” 

“Just wanted a—”sniff—“change of scenery,” he jokes lamely, gesturing to the sleek washer and dryer towering over him. 

Sighing, you crouch down in front of him, taking in the wall of chocolate wrappers barricading him in. “Is the idea of me taking care of you really that bad? I’m just trying to help.” 

“That’s exactly it,” he says dryly. “You always help more than what’s needed.” 

At that, your eyes narrow into slits sharp enough to cut through bone. His bones, if he’s not careful. “Excuse me?” 

“I mean,” he clears his throat, grimacing at the dull burn in his sinuses, “You always help me exactly how I need it, and more.” 

“That’s what I thought you said. Now, come downstairs so I can give you the medicine you need, Dr. Zayne. And hand over the candy.” 

It was no secret that Zayne loved sweet things. The confiscated tub of chocolates sitting on the counter was evidence enough. 

But as you look down at his frowning face, cup of chemically red liquid in hand, you can’t help but wonder if it’s because Zayne loves sweet things that he hates taking medicine. 

Once he’d finally trudged into the kitchen, you’d sat him down on a barstool before fishing the dreaded bottle out of the cabinet. “Why not a lozenge instead?” he’d asked. “One of the citrus ones.” 

You hadn’t fallen for his trap, of course. But as he eyes you like he’ll make a break for it any second now, a weary part of you wishes you had. 

“You know,” you lean in conspiratorially, “they say if you plug your nose, you won’t taste it as much.” 

“Illness doesn’t make me a fool,” he mutters bitterly. “I, more than anyone, know how fruitless that trick often is. It doesn’t even work on the kids in the pediatric ward anymore.” 

“And why would a 27-year-old man need the same encouragement as sick children, I wonder?” you crack slyly. 

Zayne looks away, taking a sudden interest in the floor tiles. 

Snorting, you double-check the dosage in the medicine cup and hold it out to him. He regards it with abject misery, his big, hazel eyes staring up at you pleadingly, and you feel a crack in your resolve.

“Fine,” you grumble, pivoting to raid the pantry behind you. Retrieving the most acceptable pastry you can find—there are about 7 different options—you set the blueberry muffin on the island in front of him. 

At the peace offering, those hazel eyes light up slightly, driving out some of the pallor on his face. With a deep breath, Zayne grunts softly before downing the liquid like a shot, shuddering at the aftertaste. Eyes closed in a lasting grimace, he reaches blindly for the muffin before you push it into his grasp, and he sighs in contentment when he bites into it.

Running a hand through his dark hair, you can’t help but grin fondly. 

If only the pediatric ward could see him now. 

After Zayne recovered from the horrors of modern medicine, he’d sullenly asked for more tea, since the batch he’d made earlier was cold now. Pinching his cheek, you’d sent him to sulk on the living room couch so you could keep an eye on him. Which had worked, for several minutes. You’d gathered the ingredients, and he’d flipped blankly through a journal, intermittent sniffles reassuring you of his presence. 

But as you gawk at the abandoned sofa, you realize he must have ducked you while your back was turned. 

Yep. Definitely an escape artist.

With a frustrated growl, you hurriedly plunk the tea bag in and listen for signs of movement. Hearing the faint clicks of a keyboard, you stomp up the stairs to his study, not caring if the drink in hand sloshes over the rim of his favorite penguin mug. Serves him right.

“What do you think you’re doing?” you snap, setting the cup on his desk to put your hands on your hips.

“Working,” he answers with an innocent upturn of his lips. 

“I mean,” you clarify, “what do you think you’re doing when you should be resting?”

Too distracted to keep typing, Zayne switches his attention to the stack of papers before him. “I feel much better already,” he lies flatly, breaking eye contact when yours bore into his. 

As an incredulous laugh escapes you, you throw your hands up in exasperation. “What would you say to one of your patients if they tried to work through an illness?” 

“I’d say that as a medical professional, I only have the jurisdiction to advise them on the best course of treatment. Once out of hospital care, it’s up to them to exercise judgment and decide if they’re able to work or not. Like I’m doing now,” he retorts, and you almost commend his ability to bullshit such a polished answer.

“Right, of course,” you entertain him sweetly. “So is that why you just scrawled your signature through the bottom of that confidentiality agreement?”

With sluggish alarm, Zayne jerks his head down to survey the damage, and sure enough, his swooping penmanship has rendered the contract illegible.

“How could I have missed the signature line?” he whispers, face aghast with disbelief. “I…I don’t even know what…”

“I do,” you sing triumphantly, walking around to haul him up from his armchair. “I know exactly what’s wrong.” 

The main reason Zayne hates being sick isn’t the symptoms. It isn’t the unneeded pity, the inopportune sick days, or even the insidious slide of what tastes like poison down his throat.  

No. Unfortunately, for your stubborn snowman of a boyfriend, the main reason Zayne hates being sick is simply of his nature: cold medicine makes him terribly drowsy. 

Its heightened effect on him is just like his alcohol intolerance—something in his genes just can’t handle outside influences. 

So as you lead him back to rest on the sofa, laying his head across your lap, it becomes clear you’re now dealing with an oversized koala. 

“You smell nice. I think. I can’t really smell anything,” he murmurs into your navel, tickling your skin with his rhythmic deep breaths. 

“Mm. You smell nice too, under the medicine scent. Like jasmine tea.”

As you gently massage his scalp, he burrows into your stomach, lifting his head up seconds later as if remembering something. 

“Did you d’something different with your hair today? Looks nice,” he slurs, blinking at you with sleep-laced eyes. 

“Yep!” Nope. “Thank you for noticing, Zaynie. So observant even when you’re sick,” you coo, rubbing soothing circles into his back. 

With a delirious hum, he smiles softly at the praise before his gaze lands on your chest, rising and falling above him. “You’re very…warm,” he whispers, baby pink tongue wetting his lips. But just as he leans up to nuzzle into you, you stop him halfway. 

“Oh no, you don’t,” you chide, catching him by the scruff. “Not right now, at least.” 

A quiet sigh is his only resistance, and as he slumps back down, he brings a hand around your waist to leave a lingering kiss on your stomach. 

“Are you tired, Zayne?” you ask, cradling his head in your palms to meet his clouded gaze.

“Mm. I’d like to go to bed now.”

As you turn off the bedside lamp, preparing to leave Zayne in peace for the night, feverishly warm hands pull you down onto the mattress. Lying beside him, you flutter your eyes closed as he presses a tender kiss to your cheek. 

“Aren’t you worried about getting me sick?” you question, raising a brow in the moonlight. 

Chuckling, he shakes his head languidly. “Sinus infections aren’t contagious,” he yawns. “But even if they were, transmission would only give me the chance to look after you in return.”

“Are you sure? Someone once told me I’m too stern of a nurse. I’d hate to be the same way as a patient.” 

Zayne frowns contemplatively as he rests a hand on your hip. “Even though your methods are…involved,” he swallows, “I appreciate the consideration you’ve shown me today. Thank you for taking care of me.” 

“Approval from the illustrious Dr. Zayne,” you whisper, gently tapping his reddened nose. “I hope this means he won’t hide from me next time.” 

As he winces, you can almost see the events of this afternoon replaying in his mind. “If he can help it, there won’t be a next time. But yes, I won’t hide from you again. I truly do feel better with you here beside me.” 

“And you’ll feel even better with proper rest,” you remind him. “Sleep. I’ll stay right here until you do.”

Finally relenting, he turns on his side, holding you to him like a child with a teddy bear. 

And though he’s never believed in them before, when Zayne wakes the next morning, nose clear and fever broken, he thinks you might be a miracle worker. 

[straows]

Are you cheating on me?

Request ✔️ @sejel

—In which, Jjk men have dupes of your lip-gloss in case you need it, but you didn't know 'til you found it.

Gojo, Nanami, Sukuna

A/n: I hope this is what you were looking for, as I got to writing I kinda forgot what the prompt rlly was... hope you enjoy though!

Groaning, you looked through your makeup bag to try and find your favorite lipgloss. You’d swear you’d bought a spare, but you cant find it. It had your brows furrowing and a your lips to pull into an angry pout.

Slipping off your heels, you marched right into the kitchen, practically turning the place upside down.

“Where the fuck is it?!” You mumbled, stressing because you’d told him you’d be ready to leave for your date by the next four minutes.

Going back into your bedroom, you looked through his bedside dresser. Only to pause when you noticed a tube of lipgloss. The same brand as yours, just one shade off.

You stared at that tube for a lot longer than four minutes. Hell you stared at it so long that your eyes got dry and you were almost squinting.

Because why the fuck, did he have this lip-gloss?

Your knuckles closed around it so tight they turned white. The possibility that he was cheating on you had your blood running hot. But you had to calm down. It could be a misunderstanding. Right? Right?

Walking into the kitchen, barefoot, no lipgloss, you leaned against the counter top, voice all sweet and doting like it usually was, except for the drips of venom that clouded your tone. “Baby, can I ask you a question real quick?”

Gojo Satoru;

Turning away from the sugar cookies he was gulping down, Gojo wiped his mouth and nodded with a smile. “Of course sweets, you’re lookin’ good. No gloss today?”

He looked your figure over appreciatively, oblivious to the grave mistakes he’d made.

“Well, I just wanted to ask you,” A sardonic smile on your lips, you put the gloss on the counter top, that smile dropping with a glare, “what the fuck is this doing in your drawer?”

“Huh?” Gojo just looked at you stupidly. So confused as to why his woman was getting angry over a tube of gloss he’d bought for her in case she needed it, but also absolutely turned on with how your talking to him.

“This isn’t even my shade, so don’t you play stupid with me, Gojo.” Your nose wrinkled slightly as your lip curled in anger. “Who’s is this? Was she in our house? Why the fuck is she using the same brand as me?”

Gojo felt a shiver go down his spine at how you said his name, and quickly he moved forward to do damage control. “What do you mean wrong shade? Baby that’s your shade. I’d bought it for you in case the one you had ran out.”

You paused, before quickly pulling out your phone to look at your shared bank account, and surely enough there was the charge from Ulta for the gloss.

“Oh.”

“Did you think I was cheating on you? Really baby?” Gojo would be upset, if he didn’t love how embarrassed you were. Taking slow but big steps towards you, his hands found your hips and pulled you in close. “How could you think id cheat on you?”

“I- well- it just- it’s not my shade and it’s in your drawer and I just- I’m so sorry, Toru.” Groaning, your head dropped to his chest, hands resting on his forearm.

“It’s alright… but I think you should make it up to me.” Gojo grinned against your cheek, pressing a few kisses here and there before biting down teasingly under your jaw.

“…but the date—“

“Fuck the date, I gotta remind you how much I love you.” Picking you up easily by the underside of your thighs, Gojo easily carried you back to your shared bedroom.

The tube of lip-gloss left on the counter alone.

Nanami Kento;

“Yes honey?” Kento didn’t turn to look at you, and was looking the reflection of the microwave. He’d been struggling with his tie for the past five minutes, and usually he had it down pat but today was not his day. “Can you help me with this real quick, I seem to be struggling for whatever reason today.”

Feeling your resolve crack, you just cleared your throat. “Kento.”

Pausing, he finally turned around only to find your very serious expression. One that was hardly ever sees you with. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Why was this lipgloss in your drawer?” You had to keep your voice stern because the way he was looking at you like you were crazy almost made you want to crumble and laugh.

“You don’t remember?” Kento walked up to the counter, and picked up the gloss, “you’d asked a few weeks ago if I had any idea where your gloss went, and I didn’t, so I went and ordered you one. I apologize if this isn’t the right shade, but it’s the one I ordered for you.”

Your mouth was left opened for a moment before you closed it and nodded. “I knew that, I was just um… testing you.” Cheeks red in embarrassment, you quickly grabbed the gloss and tried to walk away, however a hand on your wrist had you turning around and landing into Kento’s chest.

“Did you think I was cheating on you?” Kento’s voice was low and quiet, his eyes locked with yours as he held you.

“…no…” Looking away, a pout on your lips.

“Honey,” Kento gently tilted your head back towards him, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips, “I have absolutely no time to juggle you and another woman. You simply take up all space in my mind.”

You smiled sweetly up at him, before tilting your head, “did you just call me fat?”

“Huh?”

“I’m kidding. I love you, thank you. ‘M sorry for jumping to conclusions.” Getting on your tip toes, you pressed a kiss to his cheek before helping him with his tie.

Sukuna Ryomen;

Sukuna just stared at you, brows furrowed as he looked you over. First, appreciating your appearance, secondly, confused on what the fuck you’re talking about.

“Why are you showing me some tube?” Crossing his arms, his arms flexing as he did.

“Why was this lipgloss in your drawer?” You huffed, brows furrowed and voice demanding.

“Woman, you have the memory of the peanut.” Sukuna groaned, rubbing a hand over his face.

“So you are cheating!” You pointed, eyes wide as if you’d been suspecting it for days it’s been 8 minutes.

“Cheating on you? I’ve killed all the concubines. All of the servants are over the age of 45, and you are constantly near me.” Sukuna leaned against the counter, his face inches from yours. “Are you sure in this accusation or do you just want to punished?”

Blinking once, twice, thrice, you paused. “Hey I never said that—“

“Too late.” Wrapping an arm around you, Sukuna easily lifted you by your hips. Holding you like a dog that just caught trying to run off.

“No! Wait— I’m still sore!” Whining, you try to bite at his arms but he just grins.

“You know I like it when you bite, you must be eager. Not to worry woman, I will satiate you.” That shit eating grin on his mouth and his stomach mouth.

“Can I at least ride you?”

“No.”

“PLEASSEEEEE”

“Keep talking, it will only elongate the inevitable.”

[abyssyby]

hi! same anon who asked for dragon!sylus building a nest! i just read the little twins intro and i just wanna say i adore your writing so much. seeing your posts brightens my day so much, and your work provides lots of comfort. i'd love to know how the realization of the little twins relationships with hats came about. please take care of yourself ♡

hi dear! i got ur request, and since i have a pretty long queue, i can't promise that i can get to that soon, i hope you understand (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ meanwhile, i have a fic where sylus kind of makes a special space for u, its called messy spaces, if youre interested! thank you so so much for your kind words, i appreciate every single one 🥺💗 please take care of yourself as well, anon!!

i really wanted to answer this ask bc my favorite thing is gushing about the little twins’ itty bitty quirks & preferences!! i’d mentioned it before in a reblog, but here’s a little bit more detail hehe

sylus x reader | lucian kyros luke & kieran | parents!au, crow family, how the little twins feel about hats <3

— little twins at 3 weeks

Sylus had bought them baby bonnets when they were born, to keep their heads from getting cold and to distinguish them from one another (the hats are embroidered! with each initial on the back, and colored tiny cat ears on top).

“Cold, angel?” he murmurs to Kyros when he starts to shiver on his chest during kangaroo care. He’ll never admit it, but he was so excited to finally see the kids in it. He really didn't have to, you were sitting on the bed watching when his eyes lit up at the idea and he got up from the armchair.

He places the bonnet on Kyros’s head, wraps him up in his romper, and swaddles him before handing him back to you.

“Oh! darling, look at you!” you coo, and the baby smiles ever so slightly at your voice. “Papa finally give you your special hat?”

sylus is beaming with pride. “It’s cute, isn’t it?”

you agree. “Does Lucian have one?”

Sylus goes to get Lucian from his bassinet only to find his bonnet on the pillow instead. “Hm, slipped off?”

He places it back on his head and watches as the little face scrunches into a sour frown.

“Sy, can you get the mittens too?” you call, holding Kyros's hands to keep him from scratching his face. Sylus turns away from Lucian to grab them for a split second only to return and see the bonnet off his head again, further away from him now.

Sylus guffaws when he realizes. Your ears perk, “What is it?”

He gathers Lucian up in one arm and the beanie and mittens in one hand then slides into bed beside you.

“Watch,” he simply says and places the hat in place on Lucian’s head.

He hates it. Lucian's lips twitch at the feeling. He squeezes his eyes shut and uses his mittened fists to paw at his cheeks before punching upwards at the hat, popping it off effectively. Your laughter is melodious as you fawn at him. “No hats, papa!”

Sylus grins, watching his finger dip into the chub of Lucian's cheek before taking the bonnet away. “Then what shall we use to warm your head?”

The solution comes to you naturally as your eyes trail the movements of Sylus's fingers over Lucian's cheek. You take his hand gently and guide it to curl around the baby’s head, covering his ears from the cold. Lucian doesn’t protest, only melts back into comfort at the palm as his pillow.

You nudge sylus. "You don't mind, do you?"

He shakes his head, already lost at the little life he holds. He whispers, “Built-in feature.”

You giggle. A kiss is pressed to his temple and your cheek is smushed against his. "You're a good papa."

Sylus shuts his eyes at the words and leans even closer to you. You sit there for a moment, marveling at your twins before he breathes softly. “So, Lucian hates hats.”

— twins at 3 months

"This is for Lucian." Kieran says, presenting the stuffed green dinosaur to Sylus like it's a rare auction piece. Offering it like a knight would a bested beast to a king. and Sylus is deeply amused, "Sure, just don't get it near Kyros." Both Luke and Kieran peer into the two bassinets and hover. Kyros had just recovered from his sickness (which shook the household to its core), so they didn't want to risk bringing the stuffie fibers into his space for him to inhale. The issue lies in figuring out which twin to give the gift to and which twin to avoid. Especially when they looked exactly alike. "This is Cian." Luke points at the wriggling baby, bright-eyed and blinking slowly. "I can feel it." But then the other one coos, loud and resonant. Kieran shakes his head then, "This is Lucian. He's loud." "Eh?" the baby Luke is pointing at counters, voice just as loud. "Huh..." It's Luke who inspiration strikes. He takes the pieces of clothing from the fresh laundry pile nearby and places them on the twins at once. The little brown bear beanie sits on the head of the first twin. This one blinks up at them in amusement, wriggling his limbs at the attention they give him as they watch him do something with the hat. They count to five. When it's still on, they smile— "Hi, Kyros!" The yellow duck hat is placed on the second twin, who grimaces. And the big twins are too slow— Lucian had already shaken the hat off and is now wailing. Panic was an understatement. "I see you found him," Sylus is immediately coming up behind them, already taking Lucian up in his embrace and rubbing his head to help erase the sensation, having done it a hundred times before. The twins apologize, but Sylus waves his hand in dismissal, admitting he'd also used the same method to tell them apart many times before. When Lucian is calm, he accepts the gift and pardons whatever crimes his brothers had committed against him. Their next gifts from the big twins are embroidered onesies— one reading "HATS!" and the other: "NO."

this was super fun to write!! hehe but yes— it's silly but lucian just doesn't like the weight & feeling on his head, while kyros doesn't mind <3

thanks for sending in this ask!! (⭒•͈ 𓎺 •͈ )

✧˚ ⋆｡ read more with the little twins here || more sylus thoughts ✧˚ ⋆｡

[fenharels-chewtoy]

I get being a fan of Solas but you gotta appreciate Lavellan herself too. She’s the other half of the ship and part of what makes Solavellan so fascinating to me. Sure, you can play Cadash or Adar or Trevelyan and get something interesting but there’s something so compelling about Lavellan as the Inquisitor.

All Inky’s can be kind, caring, compassionate, but it takes a special level of strength to be kind after losing everything. Lavellan is taken from her old life, turned into a religious symbol for her oppressors, and stripped of her identity and culture. There is an undeniable alienation she experiences, both from the shemlen, and then from her own beliefs (and her People/Clan) as she goes through the events of the game; she learns that the history she worked so hard to study and preserve was built on the backs of slaves, that her gods were tyrants and slavers, and that Fen’Harel’s name was ruined through millennia of propaganda and perpetuated lies. She is changed from her time as the Inquisitor and from falling in love with Solas—mentally, physically, and spiritually. She fell in love with the god, with the monster, her people were taught fear, and as the stories go, Fen’Harel’s touch leaves you forever marked.

The Dread Wolf’s name is not worshipped in reverence; it is invoked in fear, in anger—it is a curse, reviled, and spit like the most corrosive of poisons.

But that isn’t who Lavellan falls in love with. Just like the Inquisitor, Fen’Harel is a title and mask worn by a broken man forced into a role he didn’t want.

She was taken, twisted, turned into something she didn’t want, but she did not let it break her. The world had taken so much from her time and time again, yet they continued to demand. She gave up her home, her life, eventually her friends, and even the very organization she dedicated everything to. Forced to make decisions that shed as much blood as it saved. The rest of her life was spent in pursuit of a man looking to end the world, long after she’s already saved it once before. She holds her head high and bears the weight of the world like she was Atlas himself. The Inquisitor bends and bows, but never does she break. Despite this, despite it all, she still remains kind. And Solas? Sweet, gentle Solas. His heart is still so kind but he’s hardened it.

A romanced Lavellan wants to help Solas, to save him from himself. She sees the mask for what it is and knows the man—the spirit—hiding behind it all. Wisdom, taken from his home, turned into a weapon and then a symbol—a god. Forced to fight for what is just, Fen’Harel breaks under the trauma wrought upon him and by him.

He is weighed down by duty and service—to Mythal and to his People. The world was broken by his actions, and he seeks to rend another to restore what was sundered.

Wisdom was lost, turned to Pride. It hides under the guise of Fen’Harel because he believes it is not what the world needs.

The Evanuris claim that Fen’Harel is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, when he was a weapon forged by their own hand.

Lavellan chooses to walk the Dinan’shiral with Solas. Maybe for some, it is because they, too, believe the Veil must come down, and the world restored to its natural state. But, as loredrinker said in their fantastic post, it may be because of connection. They see that Solas is suffering; that he’s been alone. This path would break what was left of the gentle Wisdom underneath it all. The Path of Death, he called it.

She said so herself: “I will save you.”

She walks the Dinan’shiral, not as Solas does, but parallel to him. She does not walk it expecting to reap death, but to stop it. They’ve both experienced loss—lived through horrors no being should ever experience. Leaders, symbols—burdens taken on by shoulders that shouldn’t bear them alone.

And Lavellan will not allow Solas to bear this alone. As she had done with her friends in the Inquisition, she is offering him connection. She will ease his burden if he would let her. Despite the isolation she no doubt feels, she makes sure none of her friends ever feel alone. She supports each of them, gives them a shoulder to lean on, and takes their pain as her own because that’s just who she is.

I will bear this weight with you. You are my heart. We walk this path together. Pain, terror, a terrible future, but you do not have to go alone.

And in the end, the wolf finally takes it. And oh, what a relief it must be after all this time. Millennia, suffering. Alone, lonely, on a path he set for himself, believed to end in eternal isolation. After all, Solas’ worst fear is dying alone.

But no. This is not your fate, vhenan. Ar lath ma.

[iscdisc]

This is a 2012 take I've had for a while now, and I'm so happy I made art about it today because I genuinely love talking about it !! 🗣️

This isn't meant to be 2012 Leo slander whatsoever, because I adore him and don't think he's terrible or anything (He's literally my favorite pick for the 2012 Turtles-) ! But I do feel that he admittedly had a lot of poor leadership moments at times (Especially in late Season 3 to Season 4- 💀), and I feel like a lot of the burden of having things accessible / ready / or even remotely feasible in order to have Leo's plans actually work out fell on Donnie. Without much appreciation or acknowledgment of that fact from Leo or anyone else for that matter.

I feel like if any of the brothers had a right to argue with Leo about leadership or how things were being run under him, it should have been Donnie, because Donnie had more than enough of a leg to stand on for that argument. I'm not trying to invalidate Raph's feelings or perspective, because I'm not saying I don't understand the angle of him being upset about Leo's blatant favoritism when it came to their Father and that being a big reason why he was so obstinate with Leo- But that aside, I don't feel like he had much of an argument to make when it came to presenting himself as a better option as far as leadership-?? I get retconning canon and that this could've just been the writers depicting Raph in a way that some of you may disagree with, but if we're basing this opinion on the Season 1 episode, "New Girl In Town", we can clearly see that he wasn't very well equipped to fill that role in the way that Leo was. And speaking of that particular episode, it was actually Donnie who stepped up when things were getting really bad with Snakeweed in the sewers- 👀

This is why I depict Raph in this scenario accepting this outcome and not being super defensive or acting like he should be included in the conversation, because I kind of have him admit that he wasn't the best at it-!

I'm also sorry, because there was so much more I wanted to draw, and instead of being able to show those things I'm just going to say them here-! For example, Splinter's involvement in the situation. I pretty much don't have him do anything about the unanimous vote, because in his eyes, this team's dynamic / structure is this team's business and he doesn't really have a place to say whether or not they change who leads the team. Sure he chose Leo in the beginning, but if they decide to come to a different decision, they're fully in the right to do that. So Leo couldn't exactly get Splinter to come to his defense,, 👍 || I also wanted to show more of Donnie and Leo both being pretty content with this new dynamic change after a while ! I somewhat got to explore that with the last image of Leo being able to fully explore his hobby / interest in astronomy, but I also wanted to show Donnie feeling very fulfilled and respected within this group of siblings and friends now that he is the team leader, with that being really satisfying for him ! || I also wanted to show Donnie having his first leader breakdown post the Kraang Invasion of Season 2, with Leo comforting him at the Farmhouse and expressing empathy having been in his position many many times before,, He just never really told his brothers about it because he didn't want them to worry and he honestly felt ashamed for breaking down so much,, <:/

Also, you know I can't resist putting 2012 Jonatello in everything I make, so of course this is going to have Jonatello moments too ! I just didn't get around to it yet- One of those things was going to be Casey becoming the second mechanic in the group in order to take off some of the work load on Donnie since now he's juggling even more than he used to-! The way Casey expresses not only concern but so much support for Donnie gives Donnie butterflies, okay- 👀💜🖤✨ Lmao

I guess the last thing I'll mention is kind of April's role and everything, since I want her to join Mikey in encouraging Leo to really explore himself as an individual now that he doesn't have to be defined by the leadership role anymore ! She's very supportive of him just being able to be himself and figure that out during this time ! But I also wanted her to better explain to Leo why she also agreed with this leadership change, since I can see him feeling a little betrayed by her. With Leo most likely assuming that she would have tried to reason with Donnie or get him to see a different side of the situation. I wanted to be very clear that she did not agree with Donnie because she felt bad for him or because of the weird crush he had on her and she didn't know how to be honest with him, etc. etc., you know what I mean? 👍✨

[halfadiamond]

How President Price Won The Election:

Follows along with the !President Price series

💎CW: small mention of sex💎

Price, a decorated war veteran, who was tired of seeing politicians make decisions for soldiers when they’ve never set foot on a battlefield decides to run for president.

Being a Captain meant that he already had a bit of respect to his name. Veterans and soldiers respected him, and some were quick to endorse him.

Many of his rallies were consisted of: Veterans for Price, Soldiers for Price and even some youngsters joking coined the term: President for the Right Price

Before long, Price finds himself running against another candidate, a decent man, but he’s too busy making the rich get richer than he is about looking after the people who get left behind.

While Price does excellent at the debates (he credits that to his time in the military). Citizens are apprehensive to vote for him due to his lack of experience in the political field.

Citizens say that: He’s too blood thirsty, He’ll declare wars too quickly, or that He’s only here to defend the people of the military.

When looking at the polls, it’s obvious, Price is doing well but he just needs that extra boost to get people wanting him as President. Price even picks someone, he trusts as his vice and it helps just a tiny margin.

Of course, Price can’t forget about you. His wife, who’s been so sweet and supportive, following him along through his campaign trail as he campaigned. You preferred to stay out of the spotlight, it wouldn’t be a shock to say that the media barely knows who you are.

It isn’t until you head out to volunteer for a cause that the media falls in love. The media calls you, The Hidden Key, as once people see you and see how you much you volunteer, Price scores go up.

His campaign team has you go out into the spotlight with Price to help him. And it works, everyone loves seeing how Price takes care of you (from carrying you when your heels give your feet blisters and to handing you his credit card the moment you spot something you want).

Price’s rating skyrocketed; it didn’t help that many young voters keeping tagging him as the, DILF President, something Price didn’t quite enjoy but if it got him the young voters vote then he’d take it.

The campaign goes on for a while until it’s election night. Instead of sitting around and waiting, Price prefers to take you out to dinner and for desert, he’ll break the bed frame showing you how much he appreciated all you did during his campaign.

The results come in after a few days: John Price will be the next President

Now he’s definitely going to make sure he thanks you sincerely for your hard work

And if everyone saw you walk with a slight limp as you joined Price during his victory speech

No they didn’t

[tifaisms]

i love phantom lord and loke as arcs, and think loke is tragically overlooked as an arc, but to appreciate it you need to appreciate the core of phantom lord.

phantom lord is an arc about lucy, and fairy tail. specifically, how lucy feels like she doesn't belong in fairy tail, and can't fathom people wanting her around. she doesn't have the same history with the guild that everyone else does, and she wants fairy tail to just abandon her because it would be easier. she can't understand why they DON'T abandon her. but sure enough, when everyone shows up to help her out, she is elated, and one such person in particular is loke.

Loke is of particular note because he is directly relevant in the next arc. An arc in which loke leaves the guild without wanting to, and wanting to be abandoned by the members because it would be easier for them.

Sound familiar?

Loke and Lucy perfectly parallel each other in these 2 arcs. And the real highlight of loke to me is Lucy, because it isn't natsu or erza or anyone else in the guild that really gets through to loke. It isn't the people that have known him longer. It's Lucy. Lucy felt like she didn't belong, and now loke feels the same way, and lucy is the one that pulls him out of that, which is exactly what fairy tail as a whole did for her last arc.

If that doesn't make you proper member, I don't know what does.

was rewatching the loke arc (as you do) and it made me think about how aside from how incredible the lengths lucy went to to save loke are, the way she earned the respect of the celestial spirit king in this arc came back to save the lives of pretty much all the main characters a couple hundred episodes later. like, it's not just that lucy managed to summon the celestial spirit king during her battle against tartaros—it was the preexisting bond between them and his deep affection and respect for her that made him push himself in the fight against mard geer, as well as knowing to lift the algeria spell and giving lucy the extra boost she needed to defeat jackal. oh lucy...

[luvseisagi]

— not too much, just enough.

ft. michael kaiser x reader. wc. 4k

summary. on endless nights that feel like drowning in your own mind, you know michael kaiser is the only one who truly understands. content. gn!reader, no pronouns used. established relationship. hurt/comfort, toxic relationship turned healthy. mentions of emotional manipulation and gaslighting. kaiser had a redemption arc (so ooc because hes super sweet). reader is dealing with mental health issues —depression, anxiety, self harm in a way (nothing explicit) + has avoidant attachment style. other than that, i think it could even be fluff. author's note. i had an episode and i was sad as fuck so i wrote this cause the only character i think would really understand it is kaiser since he's had it even worse. so yeah. here you have !

𝜗𝜚 english isnt my first language, so any corrections or advice are highly appreciated, as well as feedback (please) ! enjoy

the room is dark, the air so hot its difficult to breath, yet so cold it chills you even under the pile of blankets. the blinds are still up, window cracked open, but it's past midnight. no moon tonight, so nothing but the faint light of your phone screen on the bedside table illuminates the closed space.

you’re sitting on your bed, back against the wall, legs crossed. your pajamas stick to your skin, uncomfortable, but you have no strength left in your body to change clothes, too drained to move or even adjust the blankets over you.

you tried to sleep, because you feel exhausted, but your mind doesn't seem to want to cooperate. your eyes are wide open, and from where you are sitting, you can see all the notifications on your phone —a reminder of all the messages you’ve been ignoring.

today's been a rough day, but you don't even know why. you didn't do anything. didn't even leave the house, or your room —not today, not the whole week. so why do you feel exhausted? why does it feel like the worst day of your life, if nothing happened at all?

you did nothing but rot in bed for hours, gathering the very little strength you had left to drag yourself to the bathroom, splash some water on your face and eat whatever you could find in the kitchen that didn't get you nauseous just from the smell. and even that had been a struggle.

you are not fine. 

actually, you haven't been fine for a long time now. however, u are able to ignore it most of the time —your busy everyday life has you distracted enough to avoid the dark thoughts, usually. but there are times when it’s just too much.

when everything's too much is when you feel absolutely nothing.

you always say you are a pretty logical person. it's one of the things you like about yourself: always taking in every perspective, always finding rational answers for your emotions. that's why these episodes hit so hard —they don’t make sense. you can’t even grasp them, can’t analyze something you can't understand. it drives you crazy. it makes you want to cry.

it chains you to your bed for hours, for days and even weeks —when silence becomes too loud is when your mind can't quiet down.

and still, all you feel is emptiness. 

a soft knock on the door is the first sound to fill your room in days. it startles you, and you flinch.

"are you there?" 

the voice on the other side of the door is low and sweet, almost honey in the way it slides so easily from under your door to the edge of your bed. 

your throat feels dry for not speaking for days. 

there's no answer from you. you can't grasp even a trace of your voice.

"i'm coming in, okay?" 

you don't say anything, but he doesn't need you to reply. the door opens, and your boyfriend enters the room.

"hi, love. i've brought you dinner, in case you’re hungry. and water too." 

you can only watch him in silence as he walks in, setting his bag down on your desk —the food is there, you assume, given the smell. 

you swallow, but at least you don't feel the urge to throw up. the way your stomach growls, you're pretty sure hunger won this time over anxiety.

“here."

he hands you a bottle of water after opening it for you. is cold, and it calms the itch on your skin for a moment.

"thank you." you manage to mumble, avoiding his gaze. 

he's seen you in so many ways —completely naked, just waking up, ugly sobbing, and sick and feverish —but for some reason, embarrassment gathers on your cheeks when he sees you like this.

it's not that you don't look good. it's that you look vulnerable, and broken —and you hate it.

you manage to take a sip of water.

"wanna talk?" he asks then, sitting beside you on the bed.

there are no sheets, the pillow is on the floor, and you have nothing but the blankets over you and other things you didn't care to set aside scattered on the bare mattress —your headphones, the phone charger, the laptop with no battery because you didn't want to get up to plug it in. one of his hoodies is there too, wrinkled and tear-stained. you had taken it off in a heat attack that had left you choking on air last night. or maybe this morning. you are not sure.

one of his hands goes to your arm then, and caresses your skin softly. that brings you back to reality.

"i don’t know." you tell him, answering his question. "i mean, i can talk. but i don’t know what to say. i don’t know why this is happening.”

he stays silent. meanwhile, the tips of his fingers run down your arm until they reach your wrist. then they stop —he waits for you to be the one to grab his hand.

you do it immediately, but when he squeezes it to confirm you that he’s there and he’s not going anywhere, you flinch.

kaiser raises an eyebrow, but he doesn’t say anything. his gaze shifts down to your hand, and, even though he knows what he’s going to see, he feels his chest swell with worry at the sight. he sighs quietly.

“love…”

“i know. i’m sorry, i… i didn’t…”

you try to let go of his hand, but he’s grabbing it firmly —enough strength to keep you from letting go, enough gentleness to avoid hurting you.

so you pull your knees up and bury your face between them. short flashes of pain run through your whole hand when kaiser brushes your knuckles with the tip of his fingers, skin red and purple throbbing under his touch.

it’s not the first time you do this, nor the first time he’s found you like this —alone in your room, gaze lost in the darkness, purple knuckles covered with dry blood and traces of a red stain on your wall. you swallow, a wave of shame flooding your throat, chest and stomach. 

you don’t know how to excuse yourself, how to justify that pain is the only way for you to feel alive, like you’re still there, sometimes. —when reality is so distorted you need something, anything, to anchor you to reality. 

luckily, you boyfriend doesn’t feel the need to say anything. he just holds your hand, and brings his other hand to your cheek. slowly, his fingertips caress your cheek, index and thumb holding your chin delicately. he tilts your head up slightly, and waits for you to look at him.

when you lift your eyes to meet his, you feel your whole soul breaking.

michael kaiser’s beauty is breathtaking, and right now, the sadness in the depth of his blue eyes knocks all the air out of your lungs. 

and that hurts even harder than saying anything.

because you can deal with him scolding you —you’d just nod, fake that you’re listening, and start a new day as if nothing had happened—, you can deal with him telling you he’s disappointed, that you shouldn’t do this to yourself, or whatever people would say after finding out about it.

but he doesn’t do that. he just holds your gaze, eyes locked on yours while he caresses your cheek with his fingers. and then he places a gentle kiss on your dry lips.

a salty tear forms on your low eyelashes, which releases it on michael’s hand. a crystal-clear drop runs down the back of his hand, his wrist, and ends up spilling onto the blanket.

he kisses your cheeks, now wet with your silent crying, and your heart shatters just a little more.

kaiser knows more about pain than anyone in this world —and you know it. even so, he thinks nothing could ever be as painful as watching you cry in front of him.

if someone told you that you’d be in this situation a year ago, you would have called them crazy. your relationship with kaiser had been complicated from the start —the flirting and the teasing were fun until real feelings got involved, and neither of you knew how to manage them. becoming an actual couple and learning how to love each other had been a very long, thorny journey.

at first, he loved you so much it pleased you —he was sweet, thoughtful, gentle. he brought you flowers after your shifts, welcomed you home with dinner and very expensive wine, wrapped you in his velvety robe at night and covered your body with kisses.

you weren’t really dating, but everyone in your lives thought you would end up in a relationship sooner or later. the few times a month that you could see each other, due to your schedules, were truly the best days of the week —like coming back to a five star hotel where you could fully relax and empty your mind.

but a five star hotel, even though beautiful, is not a home. the exclusivity becomes boring after a while, when it stops feeling like a gift and becomes something that’s just there. all the time.

you started to lose interest, and he realized it pretty quickly.

so he loved you even harder —loved you so much, it scared you. 

kaiser became obsessed with you, needy for your attention —throughout his life, he had been used to being the one in charge of the relationship. the one his partners depended on, although it was him who really needed them. and he had never had a problem with using the worst, most toxic traits known to humanity to practically force them to stay with him, convincing them that, without him, they would be lost forever.

you weren’t like that.

if he didn’t reply to your text for a couple of hours but post on social media, you would ignore him for a few days. if he told you he was hanging out with other people, reminding you on purpose that you weren’t dating yet to make you jealous, you would just answer with a “fine, have fun” and show him you didn’t really care. if he canceled your plans at the last minute, you would just take a walk alone and send him some pictures.

so he tried the opposite approach, but the result was the same —when he tried to shower you with affection, buy you presents, take you on expensive dates or just cancel his whole agenda to spend the entire day with you —you’d tell him he was being a bit too much and you needed space.

none of his old methods were working on you —not the intense lover behavior, which was supposed to make you fall irremediably hard for him, nor the avoidant partner traits, which technically would make you crawl back to him, begging for at least a bit of his attention.

he was stunned. he was confused, and, before he could realize it —he was the one who needed you so badly it could kill him.

and it seemed like it didn’t bother you at all.

of course, that wasn’t true, but his behavior had been driving you mad, and since you didn’t know how to react to his unconditional love on some days and apparent indifference on others, you just tried to convince yourself that you didn’t actually care about him. 

oh, but you did care about him.

for the almost four first months you had been going on dates, hanging out, and really like a couple, kaiser had completely fallen in love. and you knew it, but you were still not sure —not about loving him, really, because that you did. 

even if you didn’t really want to, after getting to know him better and seeing his most vulnerable, broken side —a few weeks ago, following a very heated argument that ended in angry cries and bitter kisses—, you could not not love him. 

but you were not really sure you could give him the kind of love he deserved.

walking away was easy at first —it wasn’t the first time you had done it. you tended to run away from everything, anything that started feeling important for you. from everyone who started loving you too much —which was exactly what michael was doing.

you usually made it look like you didn’t care at all, but it wasn’t exactly that —you were terrified. scared of being liked and not being enough, scared of loving too much and ending up hurt.

frightened of being known by someone —really, deeply known— and being so repulsive on the inside, no one could ever love you after that.

so you pushed him away. constantly. when he sent bouquets of flowers and when he invited you to germany, when he hugged you from behind or tried to hold your hand. 

when he started calling and texting you daily because you hadn’t shown any sign of life for a whole week.

you remember it vividly, it was about six months ago —the first time he saw you the same way you are now. 

kaiser showed up in your apartment after five days with no response. and, truthfully, he had learned to give you your space —especially lately, when you seemed to be stressed by even the slightest physical contact. however, when he asked your friends, they didn’t know anything about you either, and you lived alone, so he was really worried about you.

so, he showed up at your door, with a lot of questions on his tongue and a single blue rose on his hand.

kaiser kissed you as a greeting that day, on the cheek, a salty kiss that stained his lips forever —it was the first day he tasted your tears. then he asked, he asked so many things you can’t even remember them all. and, at first, you didn’t even try to answer —but then he sat next to you on the same bed you are now, and words started spilling from your mouth. even you were surprised to be able to explain something not even your own mind could understand.

later, when he gave you the rose, you had tried to blame the blood in your hands on its thorns. and yet, instead of feeling repulsed, kaiser had kissed each of your fingers —each of your bruises, each of the wounds still bleeding. 

and then he cleaned the red stains in the wall, helped you make the bed and raised the blinds on your window to let the pink sun rays of the sunset enter your room.

he asked to stay the night, and you let him. then, for the first time, he told you about his past. 

the last memory you have of that night, is your fingertips wiping away his tears softly, both hiding from the world under the freshly made sheets —and your lips muttering a very sincere, though slightly shaky, i love you over his mouth.

and you were still terrified, but he made it look a little bit easier. not loving him, exactly —but letting him kiss you back, and tell you he loved you too.

your relationship got better after that —it got official, actually. there were still arguments from time to time, and some nights weren’t easy —but you were learning to be together. to be there, at least.

and what is love if not that?

because he had exploded against you a few more times, screaming at you, belittling you, slamming doors and blaming you for things you didn't even know about. and you had stayed there, rational mind intact and a hand he could hold onto when reality hit him and he finally collapsed in front of you. you didn’t go. you never left him alone.

and you’d had three more episodes like the one you’re having now since that day, ignoring him and the world, hiding in your room and even seriously considering breaking up with him, thinking yourself undeserving of his care —and after each of them, kaiser had stayed there, eyes sad and kisses that reminded you that he would never stop loving you. he would never leave you.

neither of you left when yours wasn’t really love, but obsession, and need, and pent-up trauma. neither of you ran. instead, you stayed. you worked. you held on, not to what it was, but to what it could become.

and slowly, it did —a little purer, a little more beautiful—and much more fragile, too.

so here you are now, for the fourth time —weak, vulnerable and broken. your boyfriend looking at you as if he were watching the most precious thing in his life fall to pieces in front of his eyes, and he could do nothing about it.

kaiser places one last kiss on your cheek, then decides it’s time to help you feel a little bit better.

“listen, love, we are gonna do the following:” he says, gently pulling you by the hand that's holding his, forcing you to stand up. “first, we are going to take a shower —i’ll help you wash your hair and dry it afterward. then, we’ll put on clean pajamas, and i’ll change the sheets of your bed while you have dinner ���brought your favorites for you to choose from. after that, we can watch a movie, or sleep, or talk, if you want. is that fine for you?” 

you nod, slowly, and the blue of his eyes shines softly as he looks at you. then he gently kisses your hairline, as if reminding you he’s going to be there for every step —he’s still as obsessed with kissing you as the first day.

so you walk together to the cramped bathroom in your apartment, still holding hands, and he helps you take off your clothes tenderly —delicately, as if scared of breaking you if he’s to harsh, but firmly, for you to know that he’s there if you need to break on your own.

then he takes off his own clothes and the two of you step into the shower, barely large enough for two people. you stand still as the water soaks your hair, trails down your skin. you let yourself open your eyes and look directly at him. 

blonde, irregular strands of wet hair stick to the sides of his face, blue tips brushing his chin. his skin is pale, but soft, and the rain of the shower slips over his muscles, traces the silhouette of the blue rose on his neck, down his arm. his gaze is still intense, but he smiles softly at you.

he looks like a sacred image, too surreal to be standing before you —you try to reach for it.

your hand goes to his cheek, little bit flushed from the warm water. you trace his features with your fingertips —the curve of his chin, the corner of his lips, the tip of his nose, the tattooed red line under both his eyes. 

michael kaiser is very much real, standing in front of you.

still, you can’t help but think you’re in presence of something blessed, something divine, as you watch the round water drops rest between his eyelashes. when he blinks and they fall, it looks as if he’s crying. 

but it is you, you realize, the one who’s crying, when he brings the shampoo to your head and starts washing your hair slowly, it’s your tears falling from your eyes as he massages your neck, your shoulders and you waist when he spreads the gel all over your body. 

you don’t say anything at all during the whole process —but your body leans into every stroke, like it’s slowly surrending to the touch of love.

after the shower, kaiser takes turns drying your hair and his, and he lets you braid the long blue strands of the back of his head absentmindedly while he brushes yours. 

time moves quickly after that —at least, faster than it has during this whole week. you watch him as you have small bites of the food he brought you, now a little more talkative than before, dressed in the clean clothes that smell like his fabric softener —as he changes the sheets on your bed and cleans up the mess your room had become.

the room has aired out while you were showering. the window is now closed, and the blinds are down. all the light, instead of coming from your phone —now turned off and forgotten on the nightstand, at least for tonight— comes from the starry lights hanging on the wall over your bed.

now it looks a little more like your room and a little less like a pit of despair.

your boyfriend has changed clothes too. he's no longer wearing his street clothes —which he's neatly stored in his space of your closet— but the silk robe he usually leaves at your house. his blond hair is pulled back in a half-updo at the nape of his neck, unruly blue strands sticking out. he's also put on his glasses —the ones he used to avoid wearing, but never forgets now since you told him you like how they look on him.

the air doesn’t feel heavy anymore. it’s warm, you think, as you let him wrap you in the freshly made blanket next to him. it’s comfortable, now that he’s here.

“so?” he asks, and then kisses your neck, and your chin, and your nose. you let out a soft giggle, and he feels his chest explode with affection for you “what’s it gonna be? movie, talk, sleep? or any other ideas?”

you smile faintly, and you snuggle up against him. his arms now surround your waist, his chest serving as your pillow. you can feel the rhythm of his pulse on your cheek.

“can we just stay like this for a while?” you whisper, voice small, almost unsure —but soft in a way it hadn’t been for days.

kaiser chuckles under his breath, and kisses the top of your head.

“that’s exactly the plan i was thinking about, love,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against your hair, “wish granted.”

you laugh —a small, sleepy laugh that feels almost foreign to your own ears after the week you’ve had. but it’s real, and it makes kaiser’s hold around you tighten just a little.

there’s no need to talk anymore. no need for a movie or to pretend everything’s okay. the only thing that matters right now is the weight of his hand resting gently on your back, the warmth of his body against yours, the quiet rhythm of your breathing finally syncing in peace.

and, a few minutes later, when you ask to yourself why is he so kind to you —how does he know exactly what you need, just the way you need it— you remember that first night you spent crying together, curled up on your bed —when he emptied himself in front of you, confessing everything he had never told anyone out loud.

you open one eye, and you shift your gaze to the desk, where you find a single blue rose in a fine, clear glass vase. then you understand it —he knows, because he’s had it even worse. and he would never allow someone he loves, someone who loves him, go through the same thing he did.

kaiser is asleep behind you, wrapping you in between his arms as if scared of letting you go. 

but you don’t feel the need to run away anymore. you draw a faint, calm smile for the first time in the week, and snuggle up against him. then you kiss his hand, that's softly resting close to your neck —he’s not trying to hold you down, just hold you close. 

for the first time in a while, neither of you feels like too much —just enough, for each other.

masterlist.

pls lmk what u think in the comments, reblogging, through messages, asks or wtv!! feedback is important to me in these first posts and i'd appreciate it a lot 🤲🏼

﹫luvseisagi, may 2025.

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Dismantle

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x fem!reader

Word Count: 11033

Warnings: Canon typical violence. Tad bit of angst. Mentions of previous SA (Blink and you'll miss it), I think that's all in this one.

Author’s Note: Hello long wait in between parts. I managed to keep this all as one long part. I figured why force you guys to have it in two parts when you can consume it in one. We're reaching the end of this series. I only have one more part planned out for this series. I hope that you guys enjoy it! The divider is by the lovely @firefly-graphics ♥

I do not and will not ever give permission for my fics to be copied and posted on other sites. Don’t do it. Don’t be that person that ruins it for me and everyone else.

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. While likes are appreciated, reblogs are gold. Seriously, if you enjoyed this in the slightest, please reblog ♥

<< Interrogations || Phantom Masterlist || Phantom Playlist || Set Me Free >>

“What was he planning on building?” It was Ross's voice that filled the air. 

“He took the data information his brother had collected along with blood samples from test subjects.” She began as she looked towards Ross. “He also found a way to miniaturize Project Insight. Put the two together and-” 

“You get a weapon that can turn specific people into enhanced weapons.” Steve said, shaking his head. 

“There’s no way he could possibly do that.” Ross shook his head. “That kind of technology-”

“Can be created.” She added even though she was sure that he wasn’t going to say that. “DNA testing was a whole craze. It wasn’t hard for Hydra to obtain and analyze the data. The parts that were being collected would ensure it was possible. I’ve seen the plans. It was only a matter of time before it came together and went into the testing phase of things.”

“So what's the plan?” Sam asked.

“Element of surprise is out of the question.” She said as her eyes moved from one person to another. “The moment Ross was informed I was taken in, he knew too. There's no way to play it like my mission has been successful.” 

“Then we go head on.” Steve said. “They’ll see us coming. But we’ll be ready for it.”

“We don’t even know where they’ll be.” Wanda noted. It caused everyone to look towards Y/N. 

She sighed softly and nodded her head. “There's a few places they’ll be heading now that they know I’m out of the equation. I’ll even be able to give detailed routes into those facilities without setting off any of their alarms.”

“That’s gonna come in handy.” Natasha said.

It didn't take them long to go over possible locations and how the team would be able to use the information she was providing to their advantage. They had several plans in place for every scenario that could possibly happen between now and them getting to Strucker. 

Steve gave commands for each group from the team. Each one with a different plan of attack. And when Steve’s attention turned to her, she already could feel the irritation growing within her. 

“You and Clint will stay here.” He began and her head already started shaking. “If anything, be our eyes and ears with FRIDAY.” 

“I'm coming with one of you.” She said the moment he finished. She wasn’t going to agree with what was being asked of her.

“No.”

“No.” 

“Are you crazy?”

All three responses came at once, causing her to raise her eyebrow at them as she crossed her arms over her chest. The nos had come from Steve and Bucky. The ‘are you crazy?’ came from Tony. “You're not making me sit this one out.” 

“She is crazy.” Tony mumbled as he ran his hand over his face.

“You know I’m good on the field.” She said with a shake of her head. “I get that there’s the possibility of not trusting me right now, but I want to see this through, just as much as you do.”

“We trust you.” Steve began. “But given the situation, it would be better to have you safe here and not out there. We don’t know what they could do-”

“I can handle myself. I’ve been handling situations like this my whole life.” She argued. She wasn’t going to let this go without a fight. 

She knew there was a bigger fight at hand with what the team was getting ready for. But she wasn’t about to be kept out of the fight. She’d go down fighting before she was left behind.

“Buck, help me out here.” Steve looked over at Bucky. 

“What he means to say,” Bucky said, gaining her attention. “While we would be happy to have you fighting alongside us, you could be a few short words away from fighting against us. And while we had our moment of fighting each other earlier, I’d like not to be put up against you again.”

“They don't have-'' She stopped herself mid sentence when reality came crashing through her mind. 

She would have said they don't have her trigger words. That the only person who had them still, if he hadn’t destroyed it, was standing right in front of her. But she had been reprogrammed. She didn’t know anything about it this time around. She didn’t know if all it was going to take was a specific set of words to have her back under. 

She understood their worry. She understood why they wouldn't want her to be there or anywhere on the mission. Hydra knew how to manipulate her and they were going to do just that. 

But she couldn't just wait around and do very little. While she could give the team play by play instructions through each facility, it wasn't enough for her. She needed her hands in it in some way. 

A defeated sigh passed her lips a moment later and she nodded her head. “Fine.”

She could feel the way Bucky eyed her for a moment. There was something in his eyes that told her that he had been ready for more of a fight. A moment later, he nodded his head in acceptance. But his eyes never left hers. 

“Let’s head out.” Steve’s voice filled the air before the room started to clear out. 

“I told myself I wasn’t going to let you out of my sight.” He said before letting out a sigh. 

“Let me go with you. I can stay on the quinjet if that’s what’s needed.” The moment Bucky started shaking his head she changed tactics. “Then stay here with me. Clint can go and handle it.”

“As much as I want to, we both know I can’t. I have to see this through for both of us.” He needed her to understand. He was the one that was free from the Hydra’s hold. She had been taken from them just hours ago. He needed to make sure they wouldn’t have a chance to take her back. “When I get back, we’re going to have a lot to talk about.”

All she could do was nod. And when she didn’t say anything else, Bucky had taken that as his cue to leave. The faster he got going, the faster he could come back to her. 

Out of a long forgotten habit, Y/N had found herself exiting the conference room and started making her way towards the common area. Her brain told her there was something in that room that she needed to see. And when she walked in, seeing the floor to ceiling windows, she was reminded why she wanted to go in there. 

It gave her the view of the air strip that was on the property. It also gave view to the several cars that were lined up as several agents climbed in. The scramble before a mission. She thought. Something she had seen plenty of times. 

But that old familiar habit reminded her that this was where she used to watch Bucky board a quinjet. It was also where she would anxiously wait for him to return from a mission. On more than one occasion, she fell asleep in the chair by the window waiting for him to return. 

As she looked out the window now, she could see the way the jets had been turned on as the ramp began closing on a few of the quinjets. Vehicles were already starting to drive off to give the aircrafts the needed space to take off. It wouldn’t be long before the runway was empty. 

“We’re not staying are we?” Clint asked as he came to stand beside her. His eyes watched as one of the quinets took off. His face was neutral in comparison to hers. He could see the thought process as clear as day on her face. He knew she was waiting for it to be clear for her to leave. 

“You can stay here if you want. But I can't sit around and do nothing.” She noted as she began walking away the moment she was sure everyone on the mission had left. 

“If you're going, I'm going with you.” He said with a shrug. “Someone has to keep you from being triggered.”

She rolled her eyes slightly. “Now the question is what are we taking?” The closest location was close enough to get to by car. “Car or Quinjet?”

“I have something better in mind.” A mischievous smirk pulled at his lips before he tilted his head towards the garage. When her eyebrow raised he chuckled. “Grab your gear and meet me in the garage. I'm sure you remember where you kept your gear. ”

It didn’t take long for Y/N to find her old locker and have tactical belts filled with weapons once more. The weight of the belts wrapped around her had brought a strange comfort to her. It was from constantly having them over the last several months. Maybe it was wrong to find comfort in weapons, but the way the last 24 hours had been, she’d take familiarity over anything else. 

When she walked out to the garage, she found Clint waiting for her. “What is the better option you were talking about?”

Clint only gave her a grin before he walked over and pulled the sheet off of a black Honda sports bike. He watched as her eyes shifted as she took in the bike. Clint could only assume it was the memory of how much she had loved it. 

She walked over and looked over the bike. It had been some time since she had seen it, let alone rode it. She remembered the day she had bought the bike. How excited she had been the few days leading up to getting it. It was the first thing that had ever truly been hers and she spent every free moment she could riding it. 

“We found it at one of the safe houses.” He noted as he watched her. “It was around the time Bucky started looking for you and he insisted that it come back with us. Mentioned that if you had seen how much dust was collecting on it, you would have killed someone.” 

She shook her head before she looked back over her shoulder at him. “I left it there when I decided to stop using the safe houses. It felt like it belonged to a life that I was no longer a part of.” 

“Everyone comes back home eventually.” He said, giving her a smile. 

She returned the smile before she found herself a moment later sitting on the bike while pulling her helmet over her head. The motions of bringing the bike to life caused a grin to pull at her lips even though it couldn’t be seen. The memories of it all made her wish that she hadn’t been going for a mission and just for a joy ride.

Lifting the visor on the helmet, she looked over at Clint. “Hop on.” It didn’t take Clint long to climb up behind her and get himself situated. “You better hold on to your arrows, Hawkeye.” She said before the sound of tires screeching along the pavement filled the air before she was taking off. 

_____

With the information that Y/N had provided, each set of teams had managed to work their way in undetected. With their stealth, they had been able to take down several Hydra soldiers in the process. Each group hadn’t been met with anything they couldn’t handle. 

At a majority of the locations, the teams had been able to clear it completely. That if anything they caught them in the middle of attempting to destroy any evidence. And with a little physical force, FRIDAY soon had access to it all.

For Bucky, Sam, and Steve, it had almost been too easy for them to make the progress they had. The lower level entrance had been left unguarded. While they had kept themselves ready for anything, there was something off. In comparison to the other’s reports, they had an easier time clearing each section of the building. 

“Something doesn’t feel right.” It was Sam that voiced the same thought they were all thinking. “It shouldn’t be this easy. Not with the intel we have.”

Even with Redwing discreetly flying ahead, there wasn’t a soul they came in contact with. Thermal scans didn’t even pick up any guards on the levels above or below them. And that in itself should have brought them some sort of relief. But it didn’t. 

“Maybe there’s another place she didn’t know about.” Steve added. They had been currently working their way through an area of the building that was used for storage. “Or they left in a rush knowing we were coming.”

“This place hasn’t been trashed yet.” Bucky noted. “They haven’t left. The better question is-”

“Found them.” Sam said as Redwing alerted him to the incoming soldiers. “It seems they’ve finally realized we’re here.”

“How many?” Bucky asked.

“Enough that we won’t break a sweat.” Sam responded with a shrug. 

“Let’s hope so.” Steve responded just before the doors from both the left and right busted open. 

Much like Sam had mentioned, the three of them had been able to handle the amount of soldiers that filled into the room. While the numbers may have been a tad daunting, with as much training as they had, it almost felt like another day in the office. 

By the time the last one had been put down, the three of them had made it to the opposite side of the warehouse and through another corridor. Another part of the building that hadn’t been so much as touched or trashed as they were expecting. If anything, it was like they were preparing to move into this one. 

“I don’t like this.” Bucky noted.

“I second that.” Sam said as he opened another door, finding stored equipment. 

Some of the equipment had been covered up in sheets while some that were pressed against the wall were uncovered. All of it pieces to what Sam could assume was the new and improved Project Insight.  

“This still doesn't make any sense.” Steve shook his head as he entered the room with the equipment, taking note of the pieces he could see.. “If the other locations are scrambling to destroy all of their information, what’s different about this one?”

“Maybe the ones that ambushed the compound were at this location?” Sam offered as he pulled one of the sheets off.”

The moment he did, he heard an audible gasp leave Steve and Bucky. Beneath the sheet had been a memory suppressing machine. And by the looks of it, it was as shiny as new. 

“Makes sense.” Bucky shook his head, not being able to take his eyes off the machine in front of him. It made something in his stomach turn at the sight of it in front of him. “If they plan on creating enhanced-”

“They need a way to control them.” Steve shook his head as he looked over at Bucky.

As the three of them continued to look at the suppressing machine, they hadn't noticed the two agents sneaking up on them. And when Bucky had finally noticed it and began aiming at the soldiers in the doorway, a set of gunshots were going off. The bodies fell to the ground causing three sets of eyes to widen slightly before bracing themselves for what could be waiting just past the entry. 

“First rule about entry ways,” A familiar voice filled the air before Y/N took a step into the entryway. “Never forget about them. You never know what lurks just beyond them.”

It wasn’t hard to miss the several emotions that played through Bucky before he settled on one. She could easily see the way his eyes shifted from disbelief to anger before he began shaking his head and closing the space between them. 

“Barton unconscious somewhere?” He asked her as he came to a stop in front of her, his eyes narrowing at her. 

“Like I’d let her even try.” Clint said as he came into the room a moment later. While his hold on the bow string had eased, he hadn’t let it go completely. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” Bucky asked, never pulling his attention off of her. “The whole reason for you staying behind-”

“I listened.” She cut him off with a shrug. “You said nothing about following behind after you left.” 

She knew that was probably one of the worst things she could have said. She was trying to ease some of the growing tension between them. Before Bucky could even begin to voice his irritation with what she had said, she continued. 

“It can’t just be you doing this. I need to be here just as much.” She kept her eyes on him. “This is my life they currently have a hold on and I need to be here to see that it’s destroyed. I can’t be the one to sit around and wait and hope that it all works out. I’m here now and it’d be pointless to make me leave. I can handle this and you know it.”

Her attention may have been on him, watching as anger and frustration began to change to worry, but she hadn’t missed the movement out of her right peripheral. The other three were to her left and there was no way it could have been any of the others. It caused her to lift her gun and pull the trigger without looking away from him. A thud followed shortly after. 

“I feel like that’s convincing enough.” Sam noted. A chuckle from Clint followed a moment later. 

A glare formed on Bucky’s face as he continued to look at her. There were a million things going through his mind at that moment. He wanted to drag her out of there and take her back to the compound. He wanted her as far away from here as possible. 

He knew that out of the options of facilities she pointed out that this one was the one to be more on alert about. That fact was proven with what they had just finished dealing with. The chances of Strucker being there were growing by the minute. 

But his face had softened a bit as understanding had begun to fill him. While he wanted her safe, he couldn’t force her to leave. And if he was being honest with himself, there was a part of him that knew she would do something like this. It never failed that Y/N would be somewhere she shouldn’t be. 

I just got you back. He wanted to tell her.  I don’t know what I’d do if-

“Stay close to us.” He said a moment later. “If anything even comes close to going south, you get out of here and don’t look back.”

It was the only way he was going to accept her staying there. He wasn’t going to let her be anywhere out of arm's reach while they were there. And if the moment things got out of their control, he was going to make sure she made it out safely. 

“You got it Sarge.” She said with a mock salute before a small smirk pulled at the corner of her lips. 

“As I’m sure you’ve noticed, we’ve managed to clear out a majority of this level. Minus the few of them trickling in.” Steve said, pulling their attention. While any other time he would have left the two to deal with this, now wasn’t the time. “Do you think with this breathing room we could hook up FRIDAY?”

“It wouldn’t be too hard to do.” She said with a slight shrug. “We could technically do it from down here. I just need to get to the servers down the hall.” She pointed her thumb towards a hallway towards her left.

She tried to ignore the raised eyebrows she saw. It was slightly off putting to be there as it was. And for that information to come out so easily, it added to the unspoken list that showed she had been there multiple times over the last six months. 

Multiple times that some of them never resurfaced in her memories. Some of them blended with others that made it seem like she had been there less than she actually had been. But one thing was for sure. Out of the options of facilities that the Avengers had split up to, this was the one she knew like the back of her hand. 

Her eyes began wandering. While she had been down this hall several times, she’d never seen inside this room. She had taken notice of the equipment by the walls and the sheets that seemed to take over a majority of the room. Just as her eyes were about to land on the machinery behind Sam, Bucky had her spun so that she was facing the exit. 

“I promise it’s not worth the look.” Bucky noted from behind her, before gently leading her out of the room and out of the way for the others to exit. 

It didn't take them long to make it down towards the Server room. Steve took the lead, keeping his eyes scanning just in case. Bucky and Y/N followed behind, with Sam and Clint at the back. And when they were at the server room door, it had been easy to break the lock allowing them entry. 

It was almost as if she was moving on autopilot when she stepped into the room. Her mind had instantly known where to go to access the laptop tucked away. She had it open and ready before Steve or Bucky made it to her side after checking out the rest of the room. Something she hadn’t even thought about doing before walking right over. 

Steve handed her a flash drive and she got to work. The four men kept an eye out for anything while her fingers ran across the keyboard. Her fingers hitting the keys had been the only sound coming from the room. All of them were on edge as she attempted to make this fast. 

When she first started, she had a smirk pulling at her lips with how familiar the key strokes had been. How easy it was to hack into the system in comparison to the other things she had been up against. It wasn’t until a thought crossed her mind. 

Why is this too easy?

The further she got into the system, the more that smirk fell from her lips. Even though she only needed a few more seconds before FRIDAY could take over, there was something in the back of her mind raising red flags. Soon her brows began to furrow as her fingers began moving at a snail's pace. 

FRIDAY was uploading. But it had been way too easy. She was sure there would have been several more walls she would have had to break through before she had gotten to this point. It was almost as if there wasn’t anything fighting her to get in. Even she knew that Strucker wouldn’t have allowed the system to be left so unguarded. 

A moment later, FRIDAY’s upload was stopped short of completing. A secondary window popped up without her so much as pressing a key. It sent a spike of fear through her. It had been a camera view of the room, pointed directly at the group. Almost as if it was watching them. 

“Bucky…” She said, keeping her attention on the screen. 

Bucky came and stood beside her the instant she said his name. The change in her voice was enough to set off alarms in his mind. He could see the codes moving on the screen without her touching the keyboard as the video footage continued to play.

“Did you?” He asked, wanting to be sure. He watched as she looked over at him and shook her head. “Come on,” Bucky said, a heartbeat later, taking her hand. “We need to get you out of here.”

The words had barely filled the air before the sound of glass breaking followed. The metallic clink of smoke grenades hitting the ground proved just how much of a turn this had taken in a short time. Smoke filled the air that made it almost impossible to see through it. 

“There’s a stairwell just around the corner to the upper level.” She said as her hand tightened around Bucky’s for a moment before letting go and reaching for the knives at her hips. She knew without a clear sight she wouldn’t be able to use her gun. She could easily fight through with the knives she had on hand and make it through the otherside. 

“Stay close.” Bucky said as he pulled his own weapons and readied himself.  “If you see an opening to-”

“Leave.” She finished for him. “I know. “

She heard him and understood what he was saying. But she wasn’t going to leave him behind while she got out. She wasn’t sure how or when she’d actually do so but she was determined to get him out of there, even if it meant without her. 

The sound bullets hitting metal filled the air, followed by the sound of an arrow whizzing by. Each of them engaged with soldiers that found their way into the room. The group made their way towards one of the broken windows and it wasn’t long after that Bucky and Y/N were out in the hall, facing another set of incoming soldiers. 

They moved in sync the moment they moved into the hallway. It didn’t matter which way soldiers came at them, they had each other covered. It was a routine that they had developed after years of being on missions together. Something that had only ever felt comfortable between the two of them. It never flowed as smoothly with anyone else. 

It didn’t matter the steps they took toward the stairwell she mentioned, they had each other covered. Where one dropped their arm, the other had replaced it. Maneuvers that put them back to back, or chest to chest, the two easily brought down the numbers they faced. 

Any time someone got too close, one or the other would take care of them before falling back into the routine only they knew. By the time they reached the opening to the stairwell, they were left facing each other with no more incoming attacks, for however brief that may be.  

Once their eyes met each other’s, they dropped their weapon to their sides. In one heartbeat, Bucky nodded his head once. A silent question if she was alright. She gave a nod as her response. And in the next heartbeat, Bucky was pulling her into him, his lips descending on hers. 

It was a brief moment of release. It was a mix of the adrenaline from the fight and the longing that they both kept buried within them. It was a way to convey everything they hadn’t been able to in the last two years. 

Bucky pulled her closer just as she wrapped her arms around his neck. How easy it would be just to get lost within each other. But both of them knew of the dangers they found themselves in. Neither of them lost to the emotions and physical actions they were feeling. 

“Hate to break up the moment, but this definitely isn’t the time for this.” Clint said the moment he found the two. 

A huff of a chuckle passed Bucky’s lips as he reluctantly pulled away from her. His eyes met hers and he could see the slight smirk tug at her lips as she shook her head. It was definitely worth it.

“What just happened?” Sam asked with a raised brow as he joined them. 

“Nothing.” Bucky said, giving Y/N a wink before nodding his head towards the stairwell entry. “We were waiting for you guys to catch up.”

“We weren’t that far behind.” Clint noted, earning an eye roll from Bucky and a soft laugh from Y/N.

“Floor is cleared for now.” Steve approved the group last. “But the faster we get out of here, the better.”

“Up the stairs we go.” She said to the others before turning and heading up. 

When they cleared the stairwell, she led them down the hall towards the left. She couldn’t place it, but everything within her gut was telling her she should have gone for the other hallway instead of the way she knew would lead them out of the building. The obvious choice could cost them seconds, but backtracking for a gut feeling would cost them more. 

The main entryway to the facility would be around through the corner. They could regroup outside of it while waiting for the others. 

It was as the group rounded the corner that they all skidded to a stop. Blocking their way out were several Hydra soldiers. Each of them with a gun pointed at the group. Strucker stood in the back of them, a smirk pulling at his lips. 

When they attempted to turn back around, several more crowded the hall, pushing them towards the middle of the open space. The numbers in comparison looked daunting. They were surrounded and backup wouldn’t be there for a bit longer. 

“What are our chances of fighting out of this one?” Sam said low enough for only the five of them to hear. 

“It’s not like we haven’t before.” Clint noted. 

“We’re running low on everything.” Bucky added. 

“We’ll make it enough.” Steve said as they braced themselves. 

“Well done, Phantom.” Strucker’s voice held humor within it as he eased his way to the front of the line. He came to a stop just a few steps directly in front of Y/N. “Part of me thought with Maximoff in your head that things wouldn’t go according to plan. But here you are.”

All five of their faces fell as they took in his words. The men looked over at her for an answer. But they all saw the same thing. She was just as confused as they were. 

“No.” She shook her head. “I didn’t-” She looked towards Bucky with her mirrored expression. “I wouldn’t. 

A light chuckle passed Strucker’s lips, gaining her attention once more. “It’s there in that head of yours. You may not remember our conversation, but the programming in your mind remembers it.” His eyes moved towards Bucky before moving over to the others beside them. “You were told not to return until your mission was completed.”

“The mission failed!” She said as she took a step towards him. She could feel the way the worry morphed into tension beside her. She needed them to know she didn’t betray them. “My mission was to take them down and kill the former Winter Soldier. He still lives. The Avengers still stand and they are tearing apart your facilities as we speak.”

Strucker’s attention came back to her and he began closing the space between them, crowding her space. She tensed up as she felt his lips by her ear. “Not all commands are the mission. Dig a little deeper into that head of yours, Phantom. Your commands come from me, not your handler.”

An unpleasant chill ran through her as she attempted to take a step back. Her hand almost instinctively reached back for Bucky. But Strucker grabbed a hold of her arm, keeping her from doing so. He took several steps back, pulling her with him. 

She heard several guns cocking back and she was sure it had something to do with Bucky attempting to take a step towards her. But she wasn’t going to take her eyes off of Strucker, just in case. But it was as her eyes met his, and saw the gleam in his eyes that she learned what her mission had been. 

Strucker stood in front of her, the very building where they had been collecting all of the equipment they’d need for his plan. A smirk had pulled at his lips as he took her in, ready for her final mission. His plan was just a few steps away. 

Her eyes barely shifted as he closed the space between them. “Several units are setting up for a mission. The target is the Avengers’ compound. Their mission is to cause a distraction enough for you to get in while attempting to take out the Avengers. They will more than likely fail. Your mission will be to kill the former Winter Soldier. I need him out of the way for several reasons. But that won’t be your only mission. Get the others here by any means necessary. Get them to follow you here or however else you can. We’ll need them for the next phase. Your handler believes you only have one mission. Make it believable. Understood?”

“What is your mission?” Strucker asked as a way to make sure she fully understood. 

“Kill the former Winter Soldier. Lure the Avengers here.” The words came quickly from her. 

“Good. Make sure you don’t return until you are successful in your mission.” Strucker’s head nodded before holding out a file to her. “You have five hours to prep.”

Her heart sank into her stomach the moment the memory played out. She couldn’t bring herself to look away from Strucker, even as guilt and self hatred was growing within her. If she had known that had been buried within her, she never would have allowed them to go.

What made her feel worse was Bucky standing a few feet behind her. Steve chose this location to go to when he split them into teams. This had been the closest location and by some chance, they ended up here. And soon after she followed. 

Don't return until your mission is complete.

“And there it is.” A smirk pulled at Strucker’s lips. “Such a perfect Asset. Completes missions even when she’s believed to be free. But as the property of Hydra, there is no freedom. Only obedience.”

From his words she was desperate to prove him wrong. She wanted to prove to herself that she still had some control over her own mind. And without another thought, she was pulling her last loaded gun from her belt with it aimed directly at Strucker’s head. 

Two soldiers flanked her with their guns drawn and aimed at her. She could see them from the corners of her vision and she didn’t care. It didn’t matter that they were there. A simple pull of a trigger and she was sure she’d be able to maneuver herself out of the way before the soldiers could even get their finger to move. 

She had it planned out. She had it all thought out and ready within a blink of pulling that gun up. They would be able to fight their way out and this would be a successful mission. But as she went to pull the trigger, she found her brain telling her she shouldn’t do it. That she couldn’t do it. And that confidence she had burning within her moments ago was quickly extinguished the moment Strucker started to chuckle. 

“You’re not going to pull the trigger, Phantom.” A smirk pulled at Strucker’s lips. 

“You don’t know that.” She responded quickly. “Maybe I’m just stalling.”

She tried to keep her voice even. She tried to make it sound like she knew what she was doing. But there was a part of her that had fear growing within her. 

“Stalling?” He scoffed and took a step into the gun. The barrel of the gun touched his forehead. “Everyone in this room knows how quick you are when you’ve set your mind to it. I should already be dead on the ground. Yet, you claim you’re stalling. We both know you can’t. So why don’t you follow orders and hand the gun over.”

She fought everything within her to pull the damn trigger. Anything to wipe that smug look off of his face as he watched her. But once again, there was something forcing her not to and she hated that she didn’t know what it was. 

Hearing the frustrated cry pass her lips as she handed over the gun had caused an ache to fill Bucky’s chest. He knew there was more to her reprogramming than they had known and there was nothing she could do about it. All she could do was follow orders. His orders.

“That’s my girl.” 

Hearing the words come from Strucker had caused something to grow within Bucky. It was a feeling that Bucky wasn’t sure he had ever felt before. And as he watched Strucker grab Y/N’s chin, making her look directly at him, Bucky was itching to pull a trigger. 

“Tell me, Sergeant Barnes.” Strucker’s eyes never left Y/N’s face as his grip on her chin tightened slightly. “Was she as obedient with you as she is with me? Accepting every command, without a second thought?”

Bucky watched as she fought Strucker’s hold before he leaned in and whispered something into her ear. It caused her to stiffen and her movements to stop altogether. If Bucky thought he wanted him dead just for being a part of a Hydra, he wanted it even more now. 

The anger that had been building within him from the moment they walked into the room was growing with each word that left the man’s mouth. But that anger became boiling the moment his eyes flicked to her face. 

From where he stood, he could see the way her eyes were welled with tears but there had been a vacant look within them. Bucky couldn’t even begin to think about what memories she could be reliving in the moment just from Strucker’s words. It made him want to personally bash his skull in. 

As Bucky was about to take a step forward, Steve grabbed a hold of his arm. “She’s still in there.” Steve whispered. “Watch her hand.”

His eyes flashed towards Y/N’s hands. Her pointer finger made slight tracing motions along the side of her tactical suit. It was the same pattern the two used frequently. She was trying to pull herself out of the torment she was currently in. Bucky needed to get the attention off of her in some way. 

“The difference between us Strucker,” Bucky began, attempting to get his attention off of her. “Is that you had to take her will away from her in order for her to accept you. I never needed to.” 

He racked his brain for something that would help her. A passage from her book had flashed through his mind. As much as he learned some of her commands hadn’t worked during the ambush, he knew some of the core settings were still within her. There was no getting rid of those. And no matter how much he hated to think about triggering her in any way, he knew this might just work in her favor. He just hoped that it wouldn’t pull her too far in that he couldn’t get her out. 

Without missing a beat, Bucky continued. “Proves she’d never come willingly to be used for your simple pleasures.”

The moment the words filled the air, that pulled Y/N in deeper to the memories that she had been currently revisiting. And with that memory came a command that had never been rewritten. One that she just needed to be reminded of.

Rumlow's thumb and finger grabbed her chin roughly and lifted it, forcing her to look up into his eyes. A small tick of a smirk pulled at his lips as he saw the familiarity of nothingness in her eyes. "She does have a pretty face. No wonder her missions are always successful. 

"Careful Rumlow." Pierce's voice filled the air. His attention on the paperwork on the desk off to the side. "Unlike the others, this one is allowed to fight back. You won't be able to get your dick wet before she goes back to her handler."

"Shame." There was disappointment lacing his words. "I would have loved a little pleasure before the mission with Rogers." His thumb eased pressure against her chin before running it along her bottom lip. 

Her hands twitched at her sides. Almost fighting the need to connect her fist to his face.  The echo of her programming and Handler's voice playing in her mind. “An asset such as yourself will never be used for simple pleasures. Anyone who tries to take that pleasure for the sake of anything other than the mission at hand should be slain without question. They’ll jeopardize the mission if they try.” 

“Phantom.” Pierce said never taking his eyes off of the paper in his hand. Her eyes shot towards the man even though she still couldn’t turn her head with Rumlow’s hold. “Go easy on him. He doesn’t know any better.”

The moment she saw the slightest nod of his head, her hand was wrapped around Rumlow’s wrist and twisted his arm before flipping him on his back. Shock filled Rumlows face as he tried to counter but was met with a blow to the groin before the same combat boot fit snugly against his neck, keeping him pinned to the ground. She would have killed him if her original handler hadn’t come into the room and stopped her moments later. 

When the memory cleared her mind, her eyes focused on Strucker. A smirk pulled at his lips seeing the way they had focused on him. But unlike the vacant expression he had seen moments ago, there was a fire burning within her eyes. 

The moment he blinked, Y/N had her hand wrapped around his wrist and twisting quickly. In the same moment, she was pulling her hidden blade and throwing it directly into the eye of the nearest Hydra soldier beside them. And that was when the others began taking action along with her. 

Arrows and bullets flew through the air and occasionally in the corner of her eyes, she could see Steve’s shield making its way across the room. She even caught glimpses of Bucky making sure she was clear from anyone else coming at her. But no matter what was going on around her, her focus had solely been on Strucker. 

It was obvious Strucker was no stranger to combat. She could see it within his movements. After she had twisted his wrist to break free from his hold, he had been countering her attacks. He had studied her movements long before this. Long before she was ever brought to him. But in comparison to her, he was hardly struggling to keep up. 

She didn’t care though. It may have been the commands threaded through her brain that kept her going, but she was fueled by all the pent up anger she had within her. Everything that she was forced to endure by the hands of someone else fanned those flames that burned within her. And nothing was going to stop her until his heart stopped beating. 

The voices and sounds around her had meant nothing to her. Her tunnel vision only led to Strucker. When she said she wanted to make sure this ended here, she knew it would begin with Strucker and she wasn’t going to allow him to leave the building alive. 

While a part of her wanted to just let loose on him and take out all that anger on him, she knew he was expecting that. She knew that he could use her rage to his advantage and take the upper hand. She refused to allow herself to be stuck within his grasp again. Instead, she was setting up the trap and Strucker just needed to take bait. 

While she may have been meeting him strike for strike, her efforts were a lot less than his. His need to have the upper hand stronger than the rationality that she was someone who made plans on the spot. She needed him exhausted. She needed him to be beaten down enough that once he realized that she was toying with him, it’d be too late. 

“You’re doing all of this for what?” Strucker asked as he blocked her fist as it came towards him. “Freedom? It’s something you’ll never have. Not with everything locked within your brain.”

“Freedom.” She scoffed as she pushed him back hard enough to give her space. “You’re right. There is none when you’ve been turned into a weapon. But I’ll get as close to it as I can. Starting with killing you.”

And when the two met once more, Y/N had blades in her hand. Ones that had been tucked into the sleeves of her tactical suit. Ones that Strucker hadn’t seen coming. And while he tried to block, she was quicker. 

Each maneuver he attempted to evade her blades, ended up with him getting nicked in all the places she was strategically aiming for. And when she had Strucker exactly where she wanted him, the blade pierced his chest. It had been a direct hit into his heart just as she had always been trained for. One hit and she could see life begin to drain from his eyes. 

“Freedom may never be in the cards for me. But I’ll fight like hell to make sure no one goes through what I did.” There was a satisfaction that filled her as she watched his last breath leave his lips. 

She had killed plenty with this close proximity. But there was something about watching Strucker die at her hands that made this all the more personal. She wrapped her hand around the handle of the blade and something within her snapped. 

She had pulled the blade out of his chest before quickly forcing it back in. It still landed in a way she knew had hit his heart once more. But it wasn’t enough for her. She repeated the action again and again. With each time the blade was forced into his chest, it still hadn’t felt like enough. 

Bucky called out to her, but her mind refused to register it. Her mind was a mess of emotions and all it could focus on was continuing to stab the body in front of her. She had lost count of how many times she had repeated the motion. Lost count of the amount of times she either hit the same initial wound, or made new ones into his chest. It wasn’t long after that she felt vibranium wrap around her and pull her away. 

“He’s gone.” Bucky said calmly, trying to reassure her. “It’s over.” 

He felt her still for a brief moment before her elbow met his stomach, causing him to release her. His eyes widened as she took several steps away from him. A heart beat later, Bucky was blocking the blade that came towards him. While he should have been worried, he saw the look in her eyes. The rage he saw within them hadn’t left yet. 

Bucky easily maneuvered the blade out of her hand and tossed it off to the side. If she needed to work out the rage, he’d let her do it. While he didn’t want to fight her again, he knew she needed an outlet. Killing Strucker barely made a dent in what she must have been feeling. And when she came at him with her fists, he was ready for it. 

Her moves were sloppy. Unlike earlier with her planned movements, the rage within her was only seeking to harm in some form or another. There wasn’t a care with how she tried, she just needed to draw blood. It was how Bucky was able to keep her focus on him. 

He heard the other’s rushing to their side. Clint and Sam were behind Y/N and Bucky could see Clint take a step towards her. They weren’t sure what was going on with Y/N and they wanted to stop her before anything happened. 

“Don’t.” Bucky said as he blocked another of her hits.” She’s okay. She just needs to work it out of her system.”

When Y/N attempted another hit, Bucky had been able to dodge it before getting a hold of her arms. It was to get her to stop her movements. To stop going blindly at this. 

“Look at me.” He said as she attempted to get out of his hold. His voice remained calm. “It’s me. There’s no other threat.”

At first, her eyes lifted to his but she hadn’t seen him. Her brain still had wires crossed and she couldn’t focus on him. But she had heard his voice. The break in the sea of rage she felt. And as her fists hit against his chest, the first emotion other than rage hit her. 

 Her fists continued to hit at his chest, but with each hit they lessened in strength. As they lessened, Bucky could see the way her bottom lip trembled. He knew that the rage that had been consuming her was leaving her body. 

“It’s just us.” Bucky promised as his hold on her loosened, before rubbing his hands along her arm. He watched as tears welled up and small sob passed her lips. “If you still need to let it out, do it. But know you’re still safe with me. With us.” He watched as her eyes flicked over to others before they moved back to him, finally taking him in. “I promise it’s over.”

She began shaking her head quickly, taking several steps back from him. Her eyes stayed on his. “It’s never going to be over.”

Bucky hadn’t missed the way her eyes were now dimmed in comparison to the fire he saw within them when she first joined them earlier. The determination for this to be over and done with had fueled those flames. Now that she was currently covered in Strucker’s blood, he could see that fire was being extinguished. 

“We’ll do our best to make sure it’s over.” Bucky said, taking a step closer to her, but she took a step back as he did. His face fell before making sure his feet were planted on the ground. 

Y/N was processing everything and needed some resemblance of space. That was her way of asking for it. There were several things going through her mind and the simple statement of this whole thing being over didn’t sit well with her. There were too many things that were left open.

They had all once believed that it was over. That there would be nothing left. They believed Hydra was gone and they had been clipping every weed they believed was growing. They believed none of the smaller cells had grown larger after clipping them. Yet here they were and she was tangled within those growing weeds. 

“They keep coming back.” Her voice broke towards the end. They had all heard it and she hadn’t missed their reactions to her words. 

For every version of her they saw and faced, this was something she was one hundred percent certain they’d never seen this side of her. The broken and afraid version of herself. The emotions she hardly felt and couldn’t even remember the last time she had felt as she did now. 

“He was right.” Her eyes moved between the men that stood in front of her. “It will never be over as long as I can be used as a weapon.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I’m better off locked-”

“No.” Bucky said, shaking his head. He risked taking another step closer towards her. She hadn’t moved. “We can make sure that would never happen again.“ He didn’t want her thinking she needed to be locked away. He didn’t want her to feel as if she couldn’t have the freedom that she was seeking. 

“You shouldn’t make those kinds of promises.” She wiped at the tears falling down her cheeks. 

Promises to keep her safe weren’t something she needed or wanted to hear. If anything, it had been a low blow for her to even begin to say what she had been thinking. But it seemed Bucky caught on to the meaning pretty quickly without even needing to say more. She could see within his facial features. 

He shook his head slightly. “I’m not going to break this one.” He took another step towards her and once again she took another one back. “I will do everything I can to make sure you will never be used that way again.”

As he took a final step towards her, that dimming fire he’d been watching within her eyes had been snuffed out. There was no light within them. It wasn’t replaced by coldness or anger. Nor had fear grown with his words. All he could see within them was emptiness. He watched as she barely gave a nod of her head before she turned and walked away from them. 

_____

Several hours later, Y/N kept her arms wrapped around herself as Bucky led her towards his room. There was a time where she had the pathway memorized. That if she ever needed to find his room with her eyes closed, she could find it easily. But now? It felt like a lifetime ago that she wasn’t sure she’d be able to find it now. 

After each of the teams returned back to the compound, she had felt suffocated by the amount of people that were wanting to talk with her. The debrief had almost felt like an interrogation and she hated every moment of it.  Her brief relief of it all was when she got to clean herself up away from everyone.

What made it worse was the looks Clint and Steve kept giving her at any point. The looks that told her they were waiting for the right opportunity to keep asking her if she was okay. As if they were waiting for the moment that she would break completely. Waiting to help pick up the pieces of the mess that was bound to happen. 

If it hadn’t been for Bucky’s soft ‘Will you come with me?’, she was sure she would have snapped. She was sure she would have taken it out on one of them and wouldn’t have batted an eye when she left their ass on the ground as she walked away. 

It was safe to say that part of her was on edge. Even as she stepped into Bucky’s room and he closed the door behind them, she didn’t feel at ease. Her eyes scanned the room and there was a part of her that hated how she was currently feeling while standing there. 

Nothing had changed since she left. Yet everything almost felt unfamiliar to her. These walls had once become a safe haven to her and now, she wasn’t sure. Her fingers had itched to reach out and touch things. Things that her memories were telling her that was okay to do. But did she now have a right to?

Bucky watched her as he leaned against the back of the door. He watched as her eyes moved from one place to another, taking everything in. He noticed the way she held herself as she did. She wasn’t relaxed in the slightest. It reminded him of the first time she had stepped into his room.

The difference between then and now was that she was carrying herself differently. The attitude she had the first time she had come into his room almost made him want to toss her out and have FRIDAY make it so she couldn’t even step by the door without it locking loudly. Now, she was a shell of herself that didn’t trust anything or anyone. 

He sighed softly and it caused her to look towards him. “You’re safe here, you know.”

“Am I?” Her words sounded lifeless. “I-” She stopped herself and bit on the inside of her lips. 

Pushing away from the door, Bucky moved towards the bed and sat down at the edge of it. “You used to feel safe here. Once we actually became friends, you used to find your way in here after missions. You’d sit right here,” He motioned to the space next to him. “And we’d talk about whatever it was we wanted to.”

She nodded her head but none of the tension left her body. “I know. I just don’t understand why you’d want me here now.”

“For one you were about to knock Steve on his ass.” A small smile pulled at his lips and he watched her relax a little bit. “I figured you’d want a moment without the whole team practically invading your space.”

That allowed her to ease her hold on herself. A sigh passed her lips as she began looking around the room once more. “I’m not used to it anymore. I forgot what it’s like for everyone to care.”

“They’ve been looking for you for over two years.” He noted with a nod of his head. “I don’t expect them to ease up for a while.”

They. For some reason that single word made her heart ache. It wasn’t ‘we’. Part of her knew that Bucky probably hadn’t been reaching out for her to come back. She knew that. She saw the messages in the safe houses from everyone but him. But he had started looking for her at some point. Even Clint had mentioned that with her bike. Bucky brought it back for her. He knew there was a chance she was coming back.

There was no question that things were different. Her truth was out and Bucky knew she was a part of Hydra. He had been there for her when she woke up in one of the spare rooms and didn’t leave her until they got to the interrogation room. It was easy to fall into place with him during the mission. They had kissed and the familiarity and hunger within it felt like it was a start to mending things. 

So why did her body act as if it was bracing for a goodbye?

“I can practically see the wheels turning in your mind.” He said after a moment of watching her. When she didn’t say anything in response, he began to worry. “Please, say something. Anything...”

He knew she wasn’t pulled into some memory. She was moving around, in a small radius at that, and looking around at things. But she was lost in her thoughts and he could see that her eyes hadn’t drifted off to somewhere else. They may still hold the emptiness he saw earlier, but she was still there with him.

He watched as she looked over at him. Her mouth opened and closed several times before she closed it again. She ran a hand along her face and Bucky could see she was having trouble with whatever she was trying to say. 

Standing, Bucky closed the distance between them and placed his hands gently on her arms, trying to bring her some comfort. “You can say anything you need to. First thing that comes to mind.”

“Do you even want me here?” She asked after a few seconds. His shocked expression told her he hadn’t been expecting her to say. 

“I am so sorry that I made you feel like I didn’t.” He said as he brought his right hand up to her cheek. “Before the last twenty four hours, the last few things I said to you were out of anger and hurt. My apology should have been the first thing I said once we got you back.”

She shook her head. “You don’t have to apologize for a reaction that anyone else would have given.”

“But I never should have made you leave.” He sighed softly. “Yes, I needed time. I needed space to process it all. I couldn’t bring myself to just easily forgive you. The others didn’t believe it. From the moment I told them, they pieced together a whole list why you weren’t a danger to us and hadn’t been for a while.” He shook his head. “But I was stubborn and I didn’t see it the same way they did.”

Her eyes met his. “Can I ask when it changed for you?”

There was a small tug at the corner of his lips. “After a stakeout with Sam.”

His words caused a small smile to pull at her lips at his words. “Not the same?”

“No, not at all.” He brushed his knuckles along her cheek and she leaned into it. “That was when I realized I was missing you. By the next mission, I knew I wanted to start helping to look for you. But by then, you hadn’t been at a safehouse for over six months. I even had a horribly rehearsed apology for when I did find you.” Her eyebrow raised but he continued. “I would have told you how sorry I was for treating you the way I did. That I should have taken your offer of space instead of forcing you to leave, on your birthday of all days. That I am sorry for digging into your past instead of just coming to you and asking you. I’m sure I still would have been angry, but I wouldn’t have made the huge mistake of letting you go. And because of that mistake you found yourself in a situation you couldn’t escape from.”

“Bucky,” She placed her hand on top of his. “What happened out there was bound to happen. If not out there, it would have been while here or on a mission. I am a weapon who doesn't have their free will. I am a piece of property that-”

“You aren't.” He cut her off. “Not any more. You belong to yourself. No one else is going to take that away from you.” His eyes met hers and he could see the uncertainty within them. “I will do everything I can to make sure you never have to worry about that again. The others will help, you know that right?” 

The words settled over her for a few moments before she nodded her head. Yes she knew they would do everything they could to help keep her from being used as she had. But the same thoughts played through her mind. There would always be others who would try.

Others that would try to continue the work of Hydra in some form or another. And if she was being honest with herself, there was the possibility they would come for her. How many times would the team be willing to keep her from being captured. How many times until they’d give up entirely and not want her there. 

“There is another way.” Bucky said, pulling her from her thoughts. 

“What do you mean?” She asked. 

“You’re worried about several factors.” He noted. “I’ve been where you’ve been. You’re already thinking about how much danger you’ll put the rest of us in. Or how many times it will take until we decide it’s too much.” He watched as her shoulders fell slightly. “But there is another way we can do this to make sure you feel as free as you need to feel.”

“How?” She asked curiously. “It's not like-” She stopped herself as she realized what he meant. “Would they even want to help me?”

“I’m sure they would.” It was with those words Bucky noticed the briefest spark return in her eyes. It was something she could hold onto. A promise that she could be rid of the side of her that could easily be controlled. “I’ll get in contact with T’Challa and see what we can do.”

“Thank you.” She said with a small nod. She wasn’t even sure what else she could say besides that. As much as she wanted to begin to hope that this would really be the end of it all, she knew there was a possibility that they could be turned down. And getting her hopes up to be let down was the last thing she wanted to do. 

“It's the least I can do.” He said, giving her a small smile. 

She sighed softly. There was one more thing weighing on her mind. “Where does this leave us? We were in a moment earlier and I’m not expecting things to go back to the way they were.”

He nodded his head. She had a point. As easy and comfortable as it has been since she was back to just wanting to be near her like this, he knew it was going to be different in more ways than one. 

“One day at a time.” He promised. “If we find that this isn’t what we want anymore, then we’ll be okay. But if this is something we want to try, it will be like a fresh start. Everything is out on the table. We’ll make it work.” A small chuckle passed his lips as a thought crossed his mind. He took a step back and held out his right hand towards her. “I’m James.”

She laughed as she began to bring her hand up to place in his. But she stopped just before her hand met his. Reality crashing within her mind. Her eyes met his as she placed her hand in his. “I don’t know who I am. I’ve gone by so many names that I don’t know which is the right one to give.”

The amusement that had been on his face had been replaced by a small reassuring smile. “I’ll help you figure that out. Whoever or whatever you want to be, I’ll be there with you while you learn who you are.” 

While his words had been comforting that this was her chance of starting over, there was something deep within her that told her it wasn’t going to be that easy. How could she choose what to become when she only knew death and destruction for a majority of her life?

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[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Series

sinag | psh.

chapter thirteen

pairings: park sunghoon x reader

synopsis: waiting for a great plot twist in your life, the ruthless and powerful mafia boss park sunghoon forced his way in to it.

word count: 3k

warnings: contains harrassment, violence, guns, killings, abuse, obsessive love & other stuff. if you can't take this stuff, feel free to scroll away. let me know if i missed some. (please be responsible and avoid fics that contains warnings that can trigger you.)

note: reblogs and replies are highly encouraged. i truly appreciate your messages to me. it keeps me going. please leave comments and tags when you reblog! thank you so much, stay safe and ily!

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Your eyes stings from crying too much. What happened last night kept lingering back in your mind. How Sunghoon just shot that poor man dead with no mercy. You couldn’t help but to blame yourself. It was you who asked for his help.

Sunghoon was inside your room while you pretend to be asleep. It was mid night when you heard the faint sound of the room’s door opening. Fear instantly took over you and decided to just act like as if you are fast asleep.

He was silent. It was pretty hard to tell if he’s still inside the room since his movements are very quiet. It took him a few minutes before he approach your bed and pull your sheets up to your shoulder. He didn’t do anything else, just that.

After he left, the terrifying scene haunted you 'til morning. It was impossible to fall asleep as it only takes you back to what happened back at the restaurant. The face of that poor man breaks your heart. The way his eyes flashes fear and slowly drains out of life.

You shut your eyes and rests your head on your knees, tears once again streaming down your face.

The door then suddenly bursted open making you jump on your place, pulling you back to reality. You scooted closer to the bed’s headboard when you realize that it was Sunghoon. He’s wearing his white polo, eyes looking dead cold.

“G-Get out!” you screamed right at him.

He’s not surprised. Sunghoon expected this type of behavior from you. He knew that what you just witnessed was probably too much for you. His sweet angel... You’re surely ain’t prepared for that one.

He’ll be honest, he felt a pinch of regret from what he did. Not because he felt bad for killing that man, but because it terrified you. He can’t help but to blame that old man for being too nosy and laying his hands on you. How dare him?

He kept silent, doesn’t really want to make the situation worst of to terrify you even more. He sighs and signalled something to his men.

Your eyes looked wary, attented on what’s about to happen.

A maid then entered holding a tray of food. Your eyes trailed back to Sunghoon and he’s still staring right at you. He doesn’t seem bothered or even regretful of anything. It makes you wonder how evil this guy is. To actually not feel anything after just ending someone’s life is alarming.

“Eat your breakfast. I’ll be leaving for work.” he says. You remained silent and just kept your shooting glares at him.

“Don’t even think of trying to escape since this mansion is full of security.” he warned.

Your jaw clenched, “Or else what? You’re going to kill me too?” your sarcasm filled every words.

Sunghoon kept his stares and then tilted his head over to the side. He scoffed with no humor that sent instant chills down your spine.

“You know I’ll never hurt you.”

He said it with so much sincerity, but after what you just witnessed last night, the fear for your life is your main concern.

Sunghoon wanted to approach and kiss you, but he thought it may be too much for now so he just left the room.

The moment he stepped out from the same room you finally started breathing properly. Whenever he’s around, your chest feels heavy and fear just takes the most of you.

“Miss, you should have your breakfast.” the lady that entered holding your food caught your attention.

The tension from a while ago is too much to bear that you even forgot that she’s still here. You glanced at the food and can’t find the appetite to eat.

“I don’t want to.” you glanced away and just stared blankly outside the big windows of the room. The weather looked fine and if its normal days, you would’ve want to be outside and walk around. But your heart felt heavy, eyes starting to burn once again.

—

“You what?!” Jake’s frantic voice filled the room after hearing what just happened.

“So it was you last night...” Heeseung’s smirking while reaching for the cup of coffee that Sunghoon’s secretary just prepared for them.

“Last night? What’s up last night?” some of their eyes darted at the door when Jay entered. As usual, he was running late.

“Sunghoon hyung went crazy and shoot someone dead.” Sunoo says and sighs. He’s not totally surprised about it, just a little disappointed.

Jay scoffs as he takes his sit, “What’s new with Sunghoon going crazy?”

Jungwon shakes his head with a small smirk on his lips, “How is she? I’m sure she didn’t took that well.”

Sunghoon sighs and throws his head back before shutting his eyes close. He already knew that, but now that his friends are rubbing it to his face makes him feel a bit dumb for his actions.

“Dude, Aelia’s life is very different from ours. Its not normal for her to see guns and all these. You have to take it easy.” Jake says, trying to lecture his friend.

“Jake’s right, Sunghoon. It took a while before Bri even got used to it.” Heeseung added.

“Wait wait wait...” Jay stood beside the chair he was suppose to occupy. He glanced over his friends then continued talking.

“You mean Sunghoon did all that in front of that girl?” he asks, trying to confirm the issue.

Jake rolls his eyes. “That’s what you get for being late.” he commented silently that Jay ignored.

“She has a name and its Aelia.” Sunghoon spat like its the most important thing that needs to be addressed.

Jay chuckles, a little bit amused. He’s the only one who seemed to be enjoying what he just heard.

“You just found her and already scaring the shit out of her? Man, that sucks.” Jay commented that made Sunghoon glare at him.

“I know I fucked up. What do I have to do?” he asks clicking his tongue.

Jake can’t help but to purse his lip and take time to sink in what he just heard from his friend. Is he really asking for advice? That’s not so him.

Usually Sunghoon will not even give a damn for an adivise. He will just carry on to what he thinks is best to do at the situation.

“Give her time, hyung.” Jungwon.

“You know I’m impatient.” Sunghoon throws right away, fingers tapping nonstop on the table.

“You managed to wait for her for years without being sure that she actually exist. It won’t hurt to wait for her now.” Jake.

The other guys agrees with him and even tells Sunghoon to calm down. They know their friend too well. If he doesn’t get what he wants, he gets reckless. That’s the last thing he will want to do at this situation.

He remains silent, but his breathing were heavy. Heeseung smiles and rest his cup on the table. “I know you’re probably feeling so excited now that you’ve found her, Hoon. Don’t let this overwhelming feelings be the reason for you to lose her.” his words strung deep inside Sunghoon.

He was silent. Just letting his friends advices sink deep to his system. He’s not really the type to listen from other people, but they are his friends. If there are people who knew him the best, it would be them.

Also this is the first time he will deal with someone he actually wants to keep in his life other than his friends so he really needs their help. All he’s good at is scaring people out and getting rid of them, but he doesn’t want to do any of that with you.

He nods his head as an answer and to let them know he understands. Jake smiles then clap his shoulder once before diverting the topic into something else. Despite the start of another conversation, Sunghoon’s thoughts are all filled with you.

—

“Miss...” your eyes drifted over the two maids that walked inside your room.

The look of concern over their faces are evident. Its been a whole day and you’ve declined eating any food. They are worried and at the same time scared of what the consequences may be, not for you but for them.

“You have to eat. Mr. Park strictly told us not to starve you.” desperation leaks through her tone. One familiar emotion flashes through her eyes. Fear. Is that how everyone around Sunghoon looked? Scared?

“Do you want anything? Any food you want perhaps?” one even encourages.

You pursed your lips. “I w-want to go home.” you mumbled so lowly, enough for them to hear.

The two maids exchanged glances. They do feel bad. Looking at your state, they feel bad. They wanted to help, but what can they do? They cannot risk their own life to save yours.

“I’m afraid w-we can’t grant that, Miss.”

Of course they can’t. You gulped and teared your gaze off of them. Why did you even say those words? Obviously these people are in no position to help you in any way. Well, they can try but that will cost them their life.

You should’ve learned already. What happened last night should not happen ever again. It was so cruel and traumatizing. You can’t afford having somebody else' life gone because of you.

An alarm blaze from outside the mansion and spending a few days here already familiarize you of what it means. Their heads whipped at the direction of your window faced in front of the mansion.

The color on their faces drained as you hear the faint sound of the main gate opening.

“It’s the boss.” one mumbles while her fingers visibly shaking.

Your heart swells, feeling totally guilty that they will be punished because of you.

“Just tell him that I’m the one who refused to eat.” was what you blurted, making them look at your direction.

They don’t seem amused or relaxed of what they heard from you. Its like it won’t solve anything. Who are you fooling? You are as powerless as them.

“W-What will we do? We’re in big trouble.” she panics, the younger one. Her eyes shakes and visibly tremble.

Her eyes darted at you and for a split second you saw how it glared at you. You gulped, feeling so bad now that they will definitely shoulder your stubborness.

“I’m s-sorry.”

The older one pursed her lips and remained silent, though you can still see that she’s as scared as her. The one beside her clenched her fists and opens her mouth, about to say something when the door bursts open.

You jolted and hugged your knees in a balled position once again. Eyes fixed at the entrance waiting for him to walk inside. Two men entered first and then Sunghoon.

The two maids bows their heads looking very terrified. Despite the fear from this gorgeous man, you’ve had the urge to stand up for them. It was you who refused to eat so there’s no reason for another person to shoulder it once again.

His eyes are darted at you, cold and hard to read. No words came out from his mouth, but instead his eyes moved over to the tray of untouched foods.

Terror flickers through the maid’s eyes.

“W-We tried to make her eat, Mr. Park.” the younger one already said it even before he can ask something.

His eyes moved towards her and they were terrifying for her. Colour drains off of her face as she grew paler, head lowering while fidgeting over her trembling hands.

“I’m t-the one who refused to eat! Don’t take it against them.”

You are afraid of him. That’s not even enough to describe what you feel towards the gorgeous man in front of your bed. Great. He’s so evil and yet you still manage to call him gorgeous. You’re really going insane because of him.

Sunghoon glanced at you and contemplates. His friends' words of advice flashing through his mind for a moment before he tries his best to calm down. They are all right. He should take it slow. If he wanted you to keep you, he needs you to slowly absorb this lifestyle. Its a lot, but he won’t give you any other choice.

“Alright.” he says shortly.

The two maids raised their heads in surprise. Did they really heard their boss obey somebody?

On the other hand, even if you’re caught off guard that he really did listened to you, it didn’t made you fear him less. He’s still the man who just randomly gunned someone down last night.

Sunghoon then instruct them to leave and give you two some privacy. As they disappear one by one, you panicked. The last thing you want is to be left alone with him.

Words didn’t come out from your lips. They were sealed shut as you try to stop them from shaking. Your eyes left the door after the last bodyguard closes it and then your gaze diverted towards Sunghoon.

His intimidating eyes are watching you already.

“Why didn’t you eat your food?” he asks, tone sounding strict.

You refused to talk and felt your eyes slowly watering.

Realizing that you ain’t going to respond to him, he strains a heavy sigh.

“Its useless to be stubborn, Aelia. You are stuck here with me.” his eyes pierced right through you, letting you know that nothing will ever change that.

“So you either start accepting your fate or test my patience and see where things can go.” it was surely a threat. He said it so calmly, but you felt threatened.

“I don’t w-want any of these! I want you to let me go! I want to go back to my family! I want to see my parents! I want to go back to my normal life! I want to go home!” you screamed at him, tears streaming down your face.

Sunghoon clenched his jaw. The fact that you’re rejecting him and thinking that you can get away from him pisses the hell out of him. Why would you think he will ever let you go? Never.

Regardless, he pulls his shit together and decided that he needs to leave you be for tonight. He doesn’t want to lose his patience and cause you more damage.

“This is your home.” he says with a stern and cold voice.

He stared at you for a while before he turns his back to leave you be for tonight. You burst into tears as you hugged yourself that night.

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[cloudeulogy]

just stop your crying, it’s a sign of the times.

hyunjin x reader; smau + prose (o.6k).

( 💭 ) — days can be hard. even more when the shoulder you usually cry on is in another continent.

( 🌼 ) — ANGST!! lots of tears!! everyone is crying!! implied crushing/burning out, hyunjin is just a great bf and i feel lonely af now.

the call rings once, then you immediately answer.

as he pops up on your screen tears slip from your eyes right on your clothes, leaving another spot of already so plenty on your pants.

you wash away the traces from your cheeks with a sleeve (of his jumper), already partially drenched.

“are you sure you are not busy?” you ask, worried about messing up his tight and packed schedule.

“what’s wrong?” he ignores your question, his tone higher than usual, clearly worried.

you catch your breathing, trying to recall all that went wrong during the past ten hours or so, but the distress immediately arises.

“i’m just having a bad day” you mutter, trying to quieten your sobbing.

“what happened?” you open your mouth to answer, but your breathing is so unsteady that you find no air left to talk with, “baby, it’s ok, please breathe”.

and you do. you inhale violently, trying to overcome the stiffness of your chest.

“slowly in” he instructs you, “and slowly out”. with all your remaining strength you try to focus to stabilise the rhythm.

even thousands of kilometres away, he’s still undoubtedly by your side, holding your hand.

“just like this, baby, you are doing so good” he comforts you. but in reality you are not, just the word makes your eyes itch again.

but under his guidance and in all your almighty stubbornness, you inhale and exhale again. and again. and again. until your breathing allows you to speak.

“it just hurts so much sometimes and no one ever told me it could get this bad” you explain, your voice still shaken.

even with your eyes full of tears, blurring your vision, you can still see the distressed painted on hyunjin’s face. he looks also on the verge of crying. maybe he already was.

“sometimes i miss you so much that i feel like i’m exploding” you take a deep breath (“in and out, yes, just like this”) and wipe away the few tears left, “like i have so much love for you and i can’t store it anymore inside of me because there is no space left and it’s pushing me out of my own skin”.

“baby, please” his voice cracks, “i’m so sorry”.

“it’s not your fault” you quickly add, “and i’m really glad that i love you”.

“but sometimes it just hurts so bad and i just wish that-“ but the end of the sentence goes unsaid, because you don’t know what you want, what could cure this emptiness — aside from him.

“that you loved me a little less?” he tries to suggest. you shake your head, with fervour.

his eyes are glossy just as much as yours, even though yours are scored by the broken capillaries of your iris.

he dries away his tears before they can even stain his face.

“loving you is the best think that ever happened to me, hyune, don’t ever think that i would want that”. you suppress another sob, caused by the nightmare scenario of a life without the enrichment of his presence. you quickly cast it away and lock it up behind closed doors, to which you throw away the key.

a single tear escapes his strict surveillance.

“why are you so pretty when you cry? i look like a red frog” you joke, seeking a livelier atmosphere. he laughs lightly, his heart still stuck in his throat, and you feel like crying all over again, but for very different reasons.

when did i get so lucky.

“i love you too, love” he simply adds. and to you there is nothing left to say. however, your tears don’t seem to wanting to stop. but that’s fine, not all tears are bound to be sad.

© cloudeulogy all rights reserved; please do not copy, translate, modify or repost any of my work elsewhere without my consent. reblog are always appreciated!

[darlingdaisyfarm]

chatting with Ford Pines while he’s away sailing (and being down bad about it)

been thinking about this for a while. i just love this idea, so yeah here’s this silly little chat with ur old man who doesn’t know what “slay” means, just smth quick to post, i was thinking of writing smth as that with Stan too

suggestive

you: hiiiii

you: hi hi hi hi hi

you: u ignoring me already??? damn

you: forgotten b4 my time

you: anyway how’s Stan?? is he being dramatic again

you: did u make ur weird tea this morning

you: did u think about me when u stirred it :(

Ford: My dearest, I did not mean to ignore you! I only just now figured out how to open this particular chat thread. For some reason, it was labeled “dr sexy boat man <333” and I didn’t immediately recognize that as myself. Stan is being extremely dramatic, yes. He insists that the seagulls are, as he says, spying on us.

I did make my tea this morning. I stirred it clockwise and thought of you, as I always do. The silence of the sea at dawn made me miss the sound of your voice.

With undying affection,

Stanford

you: omg, you responded!! my brilliant man so smart with his new phone<3 i love u so much

you: u r literally like the softest man alive and also so hot

you: the duality is insane. if u were here rn i’d be biting u

you: ok don’t die at sea :( i have plans to do very bad things to u when u get back

you: and by bad i mean so good

you: u feel me

you: ok probably not :')

Stanford: You are such a curious creature, my love. First: I am flattered to be described as “soft” and “hot” simultaneously. I believe that’s a compliment.

Second: I am unsure whether to be alarmed or intrigued by your desire to bite me, but I suppose I lean toward intrigued. You know I trust you implicitly.

Finally: I will not die at sea. Not before returning to you and not before I finally learn what “u feel me” means.

(Does it mean you agree? Or you wish to feel me? Or... is it both?)

you: i’m gonna kiss u so hard u pass out

you: and then bring u back w another kiss

you: and YES it means both u nerd

you: god ur so hot when ur confused

you: also i want u to like. absolutely ruin me when u get back

you: but also one more thing!! i woke up wearing ur sweater today btw

you: smells like u

you: kinda made me crazy ngl

you: like maybe i need u to rail me in it when u get back

you: just a thought. a lil vision i had <3

you: but how’s the sea or whatever. still blue?

Stanford: Oh, my love.

I must admit, I read your few messages several times to make sure I understood them correctly. You wore my sweater. That makes me warm inside, you always look beautiful in my clothes. I like the thought of you in it. I hope it was comfortable.

Stanford: As for “rail me”. I’m not entirely certain what that implies, and “ngl” appears often in your texts but remains cryptic to me. I assume both are modern expressions? I’ve written them down to research later.

Stanford: The sea is indeed still blue! And vast. But nothing compared to the vision of you in my sweater.

you: oh my god Ford. baby<33

you: ngl = not gonna lie

you: and "rail me" = use ur imagination (or don’t, i’ll send u pics if u want a visual)

you: u r SO lucky ur hot bc ur so outta touch

you: it’s kinda insane. my lil cave man bf. but ur MY lil cave man. and ur mine to destroy <3

Stanford: I will never fully understand your generation’s humor, but I do adore it. And you. Thank you for the clarification. I do appreciate your patience with me. And, well, I suppose I shall endeavor to be worthy of this destruction. If you insist. If it’s any reassurance, I think about “railing” you in all ways every night out here. It’s borderline distracting. Also, while I may be “out of touch,” as you say, I’m very open to visual aids. For research purposes, of course.

you: haha aww u miss me huh

you: i mean... how could u not, i'm a whole snack

you: bet i’d be a much better distraction than ur books tho

Stanford: I never doubted your charm, my dear. And while books are always a great companion, I must admit, having your presence here would indeed make everything more... pleasant.

There's just something about the idea of you close, perhaps even running your fingers along my coat... Not that I would object to that, of course.

you: ohhh you’re making me blush <3

you: don’t get too carried away tho, i might just start sending you naughty pics

you: can’t stop thinking about u rn tbh

Stanford: Oh? That would certainly be... interesting. But, for the record, I have no idea how to fully interpret these things you say sometimes.

Your language is so modern. What exactly does “snack” mean? Does it refer to food, or... other things? I'm somewhat lost here.

you: it’s a compliment, Ford!!

you: your adorable

you: “snack” means u hot, duh. u r the snack i wanna eat!!

Stanford: Ah. I see! Thank you for explaining, love. Well then...

Perhaps I’ll be the one to do the “eating” when I return. If you’ll allow me

you: OH my GODDdddd Ford what the hell

you: not u saying that so casually like it’s not the dirtiest thing i’ve ever heard from u

you: who taught u that????

you: ok yeah u win. u can eat whatever u want. whenever. however.

you: knew u had that dog in u somewhere <333

Stanford: I miss you terribly, my love. I hope you’re eating properly and remembering to drink water. And, this is very important, do not attempt any elaborate rituals without me. Remember last time. I love you very much. I’ll write again after the next port. Hopefully with better signal.

Yours (achingly so),

Stanford

[kikyoupdates]

Love Bite ⭑˚🩸⭑ 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑜𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑦

yandere!vampires x f!reader

yandere, reverse harem, original characters, vampire!ocs x fem!reader

Desperate for money to pay off your debts, you sign up for a program that allows you to sell your blood to vampires. At first, everything is fine, and you’re finally able to make ends meet. But they soon begin craving more than just your blood.

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Xavier must have remarkable patience, because it feels like you’ve been sobbing for an eternity, yet still, he makes no motion to push you away. 

It’s only after you’ve sucked all your tears back in and sniffled pitifully that you finally loosen your grip on his shirt, and you step back, viscerally self-conscious of how much of a mess your face must be. 

“I’m sorry,” you swallow. The embarrassment is slowly setting in. “I… I don’t know what came over me. But it felt good to get it all out. Thank you, and again, I’m sorry. I hope I wasn’t too much of a bother.” 

Xavier shakes his head. “Like I said before, you have no reason to apologize. I’m surprised you still met up with me, considering what happened earlier. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you decided to go home after the fact.” 

“The staff suggested I do that, but I didn’t want to let you down. It wouldn’t have been fair to you, since you’ve taken the time to be here, and I’m sure you’ve got other things going on.”

Xavier’s eyes widen slightly. He can’t believe that you went to such lengths just for him, someone you hardly know outside of your contract. He feels bad about unintentionally pressuring you to show up, but at the same time, it makes him a bit happy.

Knowing that you were thinking of him, that is. 

“I really appreciate you making the effort,” he says. A faint smile graces his lips, and he gestures towards the chairs. “Come on. Let’s sit down. But we don’t need to get started right away. Take all the time you need to compose yourself.” 

“Thanks, but I’m ready. I’ve been crying my heart out plenty until now.” You sit down first, assuming your usual position, and you start rolling down the top of your shirt so that your neck is exposed. 

Xavier usually looks away when you do this. He’s not entirely sure why, because it’s not like you’re undressing or anything, but the act of staring while you reveal more of your skin seems perverted, somehow. It reflects much better on him if he gives you space while you do it. 

But this time, he can’t seem to look away. 

As you’re shimmying the fabric down, he spots it. A little bandage with a cute imprint of some cartoon character he doesn’t recognize. It’s not unordinary for you to have a bandage on your neck. You are regularly giving your blood away, after all. 

And yet, it’s strange. Because it’s been quite some time since you’ve met up with him, and he’s certain that by now, your bite mark would have healed. He also doesn’t remember biting that part of your neck.

He’s not the one that bit you.

It was someone else. 

Xavier sits down next to you, but he can’t seem to keep his eyes off that needlessly cute bandage. You’ve never shown up with a bandage like that before, and he’s quite certain that the ones the doctors give you are plain, like the type they carry in hospitals. 

He shouldn’t ask. He really, really shouldn’t ask. It’s none of his business, and besides, you’re already shaken up enough as it is. The polite thing to do would be to look the other way and think nothing of it. 

Xavier knows all of this, but for some reason, he still can’t stop himself. 

“That bandage,” he says, and all of a sudden, his throat feels dry. “What… happened? I thought you said you dropped that other vampire as your client. The one that was harassing you earlier.” 

“Huh? Oh.” 

You pat your neck, and it’s clear based on the look in your eyes that you must’ve forgotten you even had it.

Xavier’s stomach twists into a knot. He shouldn’t care. Why would it matter what you choose to do with your life, and who you choose to meet with? You’re a grown adult, and you have the right to make your own decisions. Not to mention that he doesn’t know you well enough to advise you or weigh in.

He shouldn’t care. There’s absolutely no reason why it should matter. 

So then, why is he secretly hoping that it’s a bug bite, or perhaps a nasty scratch that you’re trying to cover up? 

“I, um, have another client,” you reply hastily. It’s a lie; Xavier can tell as much. You’re not a very good liar, which is unfortunate, because it makes your dishonesty that much more transparent. “I was recently assigned a different one. One that respects my boundaries and isn’t pushy.” 

Xavier blinks robotically. He doesn’t understand why you would lie to him. Perhaps the question was a touch invasive, but based on the fidgety way in which you answered, it’s almost as if you have something to hide. 

Maybe it’s not even a vampire bite mark. Maybe it’s something else, like a leftover show of affection from an intimate night. A love bite. 

Xavier isn’t sure why, but no matter which explanation he comes up with, they all irritate him. 

“Is everything okay?” you prod, tilting your head to the side. “I’m ready now. I promise I’ve calmed down, so you don’t need to worry about pressuring me into anything. You can start whenever.” 

“...right.” 

Xavier leans closer, and as always, wraps an arm around you so that he can hold you steady during the act. His lips brush against the exposed skin of your neck, but he doesn’t sink his fangs in, not right away. He doesn’t even realize it himself, but he’s so distracted that he can hardly focus on what’s in front of him. 

What you do on your own time shouldn’t matter to him. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t matter. He was briefly concerned for your wellbeing earlier, but anyone with a conscience would have done the same. That’s really all it was. Yeah. That’s all it was. 

Xavier sinks his fangs into your neck and allows the taste of your blood to flood into his mouth, overwhelming all of his senses so that he can’t think of anything else. 

You don’t say anything all the while, but you’re clenching your fists, and doing your utmost not to whimper.

For some reason, it hurts more than usual today. 

You blink lethargically. As always, time passes incredibly slowly when you’re working such a tedious, menial job. It’s nice to not have to deal with customers, you suppose, but Caleb isn’t working the same shift as you today, so you’re bored out of your mind. 

“[Name],” one of your coworkers says. “When you have a minute, can you take out the trash? It’s starting to overflow.” 

“Ah, sure. I can do it right now.” 

You remove your rubber gloves and shake off some soapy bubbles before setting them aside. Then, you empty out the trash can and tie up the garbage bag, making sure to hold your breath the whole time. You pick up the garbage bag and lurch from how heavy it is, but quickly regain your balance as you walk out through the side door. 

It’s nice to get some fresh air for a change. Being cooped up inside and washing dishes for hours on end is not only monotonous, but after a while, the smell of leftover food on the plates really starts getting to you. 

The side door opens up into an alley, and just a bit further down, there’s a dumpster where you can toss away the trash. You can finish the whole thing in roughly a minute, but as you step out of the building, instinctively, you freeze. 

There’s a man in the alley, reclined against the side of the building. He’s smoking a cigarette and staring up at the sky, with a disinterested look in his eyes. Normally, you wouldn’t think much of it. Plenty of people loiter around and smoke, especially when they’re looking to avoid the main roads. 

But unfortunately, you recognize this man.

He’s the same piece of shit who broke your friend’s nose. 

Kai exhales slowly, a few rings of smoke slipping from his lips. He doesn’t seem to take note of you at first, but since you’re frozen on the spot with your jaw hanging open, eventually, he does notice. 

But you can’t help but gape. You can’t help but stare at him, at how he’s lounging about so carelessly, as if he doesn’t have a single care in the world. 

Anger courses through your veins. You remember the way he viciously punched Caleb for no reason, and clearly, he hasn’t faced any repercussions for what he’s done, if he can afford to take it easy like this. 

It pisses you off. As a matter of fact, it makes you furious. 

Which is probably why he decides to call you out for it. 

“You got a problem?” Kai asks. He’s obviously noticed how you’ve been staring at him—or rather, glaring. “Quit giving me the stink-eye. It’s getting on my nerves.” 

You don’t say anything. You don’t even know what to say. Would it even make a difference? It’s clear that he feels no remorse for what he’s done, and as much as you despise him, there’s no way you can make him face his crimes, since he has a get-out-of-jail-free card. 

Fucking privileged bastard. 

You scowl and turn away, then walk over to the dumpster to throw the garbage in. There’s nothing to be gained by riling him up. Not to mention that he’s clearly a loose cannon. One misstep and he might break your nose this time. 

You dump the garbage, but right as you turn to head back inside, Kai suddenly blocks your path. 

He blows more smoke out of the corner of his mouth. “So… do I know you or something? I feel like you look kind of familiar.” 

“You must be imagining it,” you grit out. 

God, how you loathe this asshole. If not for the fact that vampires are so easily able to overpower humans, you would have already kicked him in the balls by now. Actually, whether he’s a vampire or not, that area is still bound to be pretty sensitive, right? Maybe you really should just go ahead and do it…

Ugh. I need to relax. Do I have a death wish or something? He’ll beat the shit out of me so fast I won’t even have time to blink. 

You swallow hard, and against all odds, somehow manage to resist the urge to attack his family jewels. 

“I need to get back to work,” you say, turning away from him.

He stops you once again, and this time, he even flicks his cigarette out of his hand and stomps on it. 

There’s a sinister glint in his eyes, and worse yet, a smirk pulling on his lips. 

“Oh,” he eventually chuckles. “I remember you now. You were there that night. You were crying like a baby because your wimpy boyfriend couldn’t handle one of my punches.” 

Your blood runs cold. His words feel like a knife straight to the gut, and even though you know you shouldn’t let yourself get riled up—you really, really shouldn’t—all of a sudden, you just can’t pretend anymore. 

You simply can’t hide the hatred in your eyes. 

“He’s my friend,” you seethe. “But it doesn’t matter. He could have been a complete stranger to me. It still doesn’t change the fact that you assaulted an innocent person.” 

Talking back to him is reckless, and you know it all too well. Not only is he the type who can do as he pleases without facing any consequences, but he’s a vampire, and that alone puts you at a staggering disadvantage. 

You should be scared. Your instincts should be telling you to turn tail and run away, because after all, it’s the smart thing to do. 

But in this moment, anger surpasses your sense of self-preservation, and you grit your teeth, making your contempt clear as day. 

“You hurt someone for no reason. He had to go to the hospital because of you. What kind of person does that without feeling any guilt whatsoever? You’re a piece of fucking trash.” 

Kai’s eyes widen. Of course, you realize you’ve taken things too far, but it’s already too late. At the very least, you’re right next to your workplace. You can run into the building or even cry out for help if things get ugly. Then again, there’s no guarantee you’ll even still be in one piece by that point. 

Still, you don’t regret what you said. 

He’s a scumbag, and he deserves to know it. 

“Get out of my way,” you grimace, shoving past him. You’ve said your piece, and now, you really need to get the hell out of here. Provoking a crazy bastard like him is just about the last thing anyone should do, but you really couldn’t help it. When you heard him talking so horribly about Caleb, despite the pain he caused him… a part of you just snapped.

Unfortunately, this rare act of impulsivity will cost you, even though you don’t realize it yet. 

Kai waits until you’ve made it to the door, and you’re just about to scurry inside, when all of a sudden, he grabs you and pins you against the side of the building. 

“How adorable,” he muses. His face is mere inches from your own, and when he flashes you that cocky smirk you’ve come to despise, you can see his fangs glistening. “It’s cute how you’re not completely spineless. But man, the humans in this city really don’t have their heads on straight, huh? You know I could break every bone in your body if I wanted to. In fact, I could do it with my eyes closed. It would be like taking candy from a baby.” 

You try to scream, but he cuts you off by clamping one of his hands over your mouth before most of the sound can escape. Still, you wail out to the best of your ability, even though your voice is muffled behind his palm. 

Shit. I should’ve known this would happen. I tried to keep my mouth shut, but… I just couldn’t. Caleb has been so nice to me. For once in my life, I wanted to feel like I was helping someone. I’m such a fucking idiot. 

Tears blur your vision, and it’s partly from the fear, but mostly because of the frustration you feel. It’s not like you even managed to protect Caleb’s dignity. This guy still won’t regret what he’s done. But at the very least… you can say that you tried to do a good thing. You tried to stand up to the cruel people in this world, possibly for the very first time in your life. 

It might be silly, but that simple fact is something you take pride in. 

“Looks like you didn’t think this through,” Kai chuckles darkly. “You’ve probably heard by now that nobody dares to mess with me. You would’ve been better off swallowing your anger instead of being so stupidly honest.” 

He pauses for a moment, then starts pulling his hand off your mouth. 

“Don't scream,” he warns. “The second you do, I’ll make you regret it.” 

It’s an obvious threat, and you figure that going against his demands will probably land you in the hospital again. Even though you hate this guy’s guts, you definitely don’t have the money to cover more medical expenses. 

Life really is a huge fucking joke. Here you are, with your safety on the line, and your first and foremost concern is how much you’ll have to pay if he beats you up.  

Even though Kai is the one pressing you against the wall right now, as always, money is the thing that truly has you in a deathgrip. 

It’s so depressing it might actually be considered funny. 

“Poor little human,” Kai says, clearly mocking you. He rubs his thumb against your cheek, and you clench your jaw, swallowing yet another wave of anger. “I guess it’s not your fault you’re so weak and inferior. Vampires are better in every possible way. That’s why they tried to shut us out for so long. They knew that once they allowed us to enter society along with the rest of you, we would take over in the blink of an eye.” 

You don’t respond. It seems like he’s getting into some sort of rant, but at the very least, he hasn’t hurt you. Yet. 

“It’s only natural that you would fear us,” he hums. “Because you can’t possibly stand a chance. Sometimes I actually feel bad about it. I wonder what the point is in having weaklings like you share this planet with us, but then I remember that it’s just the law of nature. Some are predators, and others are prey. It’s decided from the moment you’re born. I guess you were just unlucky.” 

His words strike deep, and ironically, it has nothing to do with being a human or a vampire. 

It’s because there’s truth to what he’s saying. The part about you being unlucky, and how oftentimes, your circumstances are determined from birth. 

If you hadn’t been born to your pathetic, shitty parents, then maybe…

Maybe you could’ve been happy. 

You look down at your feet. It’s very much like you to wallow in pity every chance you get. At what point will you stop blaming everything that happens to you on everyone else? It’s true that you’ve been saddled with unfortunate circumstances. Most people don’t find themselves in massive debt thanks to their parents running away from their responsibilities. 

But despite how unfair it all feels, suddenly, you remember Caleb. You remember how he was able to smile and look on the bright side, even after he’d been attacked for no good reason. You remember the way you resolved to be more like him. To be more optimistic, and to see the beauty in life, even in the smallest things. 

The truth is that you’re only in this situation right now because you chose it. It was your choice to talk back to Kai, even though you could have easily predicted how he’d react. Not everything in life is entirely out of your control. There’s always a way. There’s always hope. 

So, when you raise your head and lock eyes with Kai, he falters, because your expression has done a full one-eighty. 

“It doesn’t matter if you’re a human, or if you’re a vampire,” you say. “That alone doesn’t dictate what kind of life you’ll have. Just because you’re stronger than most people, just because you’re sturdier, and just because you think you can get away with doing all sorts of horrible things to others… it doesn’t matter. Because eventually, the choices you make will come back to bite you in the ass. So, I’m not jealous of you, if that’s what you were getting at. I don’t wish I was born a vampire. I’m going to do what I can and make choices that I can be proud of. Eventually, it will pay off. I’m sure of it.” 

You slowly push him back, and much to your relief, he isn’t actively holding you in place anymore. You’re able to slip away from him, and without even sparing another glance over your shoulder, you rush inside the building and lock the door behind you. 

Kai stands there in utter disbelief. 

Why didn’t you look scared of him? He could have easily snapped your neck in half, if he really wanted to. He’s never killed anyone before, but he’s sure that if it ever happened, his dad would help cover it up. 

You could have died there. He’s always had a short temper, and when people get under his skin, he doesn’t hesitate to put them in their place. Especially pathetic humans. Those weaklings who may as well be ants running around in the dirt. 

Kai is the predator, and you are the prey. It’s so simple. You shouldn’t even think to talk back to him. Such a thing should be inconceivable. You should be just like those people at the arcade that stood by and watched, helplessly, as he bashed Caleb’s face in. 

And yet, you said all those things to him. You openly condemned him, despite knowing he could punish you for it. 

Where do you get the nerve? 

“Ha.” 

Kai chuckles humorlessly. He just can’t wrap his head around it. He’s never met a human who dared to stand up to him once they discovered he was a vampire. That’s the beauty in being the superior species. Those who are weaker than him instinctively know to bow their heads and treat him with respect. 

It’s partly infuriating, but also, just a touch amusing. 

He’s untouchable. Not only is he a powerful vampire, but he has the head of the police force on his side. He must have been blessed from birth, because the universe keeps bestowing him with everything he could ever want. 

So, fine then. He’ll play along with this little game of yours. And once he’s through with you, he’ll make you admit that a miserable human like you can’t ever measure up to a vampire such as himself. 

A devilish sneer cuts across Kai’s lips. 

He’s going to fucking break you. 

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[velaris-fic-repository]

Late For Dinner

@sjmxreaderweek May 5th Prompt: Friends/Family

You were a wreck to say the least. Had been for the past week or so. Your reflection frowned back at you from the vanity, seemingly in agreement about every little wrong thing you spotted.

First impressions had never been your strong suit, and the one you were gearing up for was practically the biggest one of your centuries long life.

This was Cassian’s family. The most important people in his life! His friends. His brothers, one of which, you constantly remembered, was your High Lord.

Right. Totally casual dinner. Nothing in the world to worry about.

It’s not like you were terrified they’d think you looked sloppy. You weren’t horrified to think they may shun your basic profession and simple means. You hadn’t lied awake at night dreading the possibility that they’d think you, simple you, weren’t enough for the Night Court’s General. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t unfortunately thought the same of yourself.

You didn’t have much longer to stew in those unfortunate feelings as a large and familiar form filled the space behind you.

“Hello gorgeous,” Cassian said, stooping down to kiss the top of your head before spinning you around in his arms. “You look stunning.” He kissed your cheek before saying, “we might not make it to dinner…”

Self-conscious and not wanting to delay your feared event to a later date, you lightly swatted at him. “Stop it.”

Taking your actions as playful, he grinned at you as you scrutinized your appearance. “Would that I could, sweetheart.”

He kissed your neck but you shooed him away again, struggling with a flyaway hair you’d noticed.

Finally, Cassian’s expression changed to concerned contemplation. He was more perceptive than many gave him credit for. He’d noticed your deteriorating mental state over the course of the week. He knew you would be nervous and had done just about everything in his repertoire to distract you from it. Clearly, he should have changed tactics long ago.

“Sweetheart?” He was well versed in physical combat, but fights inside the mind, ones he could not fight for you, hurt his ever-loving heart. He could pour his love for you out in bucketloads, and often did, but if you didn’t accept his words for the facts they were, there was little he could do.

He sat beside you and cupped your cheek, forcing your vision up at him. His puppy dog hazel eyes poured their concern out to you, and as much as you wanted to handle this matter yourself, to not burden him with it, you couldn’t bring yourself to stay silent.

“What if they don’t like me?”

Cassian’s heart melted on the spot. How could you think such a thing?

He kissed your forehead softly, eyes practically in heart shapes as they looked at you, and he said, “They’re gonna love you.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better - which I appreciate - but I just-“

Cassian kissed you, cutting off your statement.

“What was that for?”

He grinned softly at you, “You’re adorable when you say such irrational things.”

“Cass, it’s not funny! This is your family! I want to make a good first imp-“

He kissed you again, “and you will.” You scoffed but he continued, “I don’t have Rhys’s abilities, but I promise you sweetheart, if I did I’d take all those insecurities away from you. I don’t like seeing you hurt, especially when you do it to yourself up there.”

“Cass,” you say, kissing him quickly.

“Hey, think about it this way,” he said, “you charmed the pants off of me figuratively - and literally - just by being yourself! They can’t help but love you!”

That brought out the laughter he loved so much. “Not sure,” you said between snickers, “I want to do the latter half again.”

“You’re pretty irresistible, I don’t know,” he said.

“You realize that you’re implying your brothers may try to steal me from you, right?”

“I’m not worried,” he said, leaning back and stretching his wings out.

You raised an eyebrow, “and why is that?”

He curled around you quickly, wrapping you up in his arms and wings, nothing in the world except the two of you.

His breath coasted along your ear as he said, “Because I’m the one who knows what you like.”

Your breath would have hitched had he not blown a raspberry behind your ear a second later, fingers moving to tickle your sides.

“Cassian! Stop!” You demanded between bouts of laughter.

“Never!”

“We’re going to be late!”

Cassian’s ministrations eased away before he kissed your cheek again, slowly. “They can wait.”

“I still want to make that good first impression,” you reminded him with a genuine, unworried smile. “Something tells me being late isn’t going to accomplish that.”

Cassian continued to pepper quick kisses wherever he saw fit, “you’ve forgotten something, sweetheart.”

“What’s that?”

He stopped kissing you to look into your eyes, love pouring out of them, “Maybe I don’t want to share you yet.”

You smiled at him, cupping his cheek. “That’s very sweet.” You leaned in slowly, taking your time, before pulling away entirely and leaving the room. “But we have to go.”

“What?” Cassian whined, a broody male when unkissed, and followed after you.

At the door, you winked at him, “If you want desert, you have to go to dinner first.”

Despite the teasing you’d done to him, Cassian couldn’t help but smile as he followed you out into the streets of Velaris.

You were your smiling, less nervous self again. Mission accomplished.

[chericherilvr]

summary: Yeonjun is scared to gift you something he made. w/c: 891 warnings: cursing, fluff, all of the TXT being menaces to Yeonjun... the usual author's note: I started writing and I couldn't stop low key? wanted it to be around soob's wc but I almost doubled it... next reaction 1,5k?? lmfaoo

Dear reader, what is your favourite gift you've ever received? And what was the scarier gift you've ever given? I got to say, there's nothing scarier than the reaction of someone you love to you. Especially when you want them to feel cherished, appreciated… Loved. You can't dictate how someone feels. And then the over-thinking starts. And then the thing you've spent hours working on, suddenly seems worst than no gift at all.

Just like the break down Yeonjun himself was going through.

"Oh lord, what if it is too much?" Beomgyu groans and throws Yeonjun a pillow.

"Just like I've told you for the past TWENTY MINUTES. It's fine and they will love it!"

"No, yeah, you're right, yeah yeah…" He nods to himself.

It wasn't any special occasion really, but he was out shopping… And he saw that cute plushy critter… And then he thought of making a couple key-chain… And he had the materials so… Safe to say, he bought the plushy and spent the last hour or so making the key-chains. Now, twenty minutes later—and after giving Beomgyu the biggest headache of his life. Yeonjun was waiting for your arrival for the usual Friday date.

As a—not so proud—over-thinker, Yeonjun imagines your reaction to his present. He first sees you walking through the door. Beautiful as always and with a killer outfit of course. And then you would see him, and the bag on his side, and probably tilt your head with the upmost adorable frown. He would give the bag to you, awaiting… Sigh, they probably will hate it.

"But," Yeonjun starts speaking, although is cut off by another groan from Gyu. Who stands up and points at him.

"If they hate it, which is quite impossible given how utterly sickening down bad for you they are," Beomgyu says before muttering under his breath, "which I don't know how…" Yeonjun glares at him. "Then you'll just try harder next time, or just I don't know, kiss them as a sorry"

"This isn't one of your dramas in which a kiss solves everything!! What if they like hate it so much they end up hating me?! What if it's too cheesy?! What if they feel uncomfortable?!"

"Dude, you might want to see a therapist for the underlying confidence issues" Beomgyu shakes his head and walks off to his room.

"I do not have confidence issues!!" Yeonjun screams after him, and follows Gyu with a frown. "Hey! Come back here!! I do not have confidence issues!!"

"Who are you screaming after, my love?"

The world stops. Yeonjun almost kicks the bag to the floor with how quick he is moving. You stand in front of him, eyes wandering full of curiosity—and with a killer outfit, of course. He scrambles to get put together and ignores Taehyun—who opened the door for you up your arrival—side eyeing the Yeonjun almost with second hand embarrassment.

"No one!"

You nod slowly at his words, skeptically, before chuckling.

"Sure…"

Yeonjun clears his throat and walks over to you. He smiles and hugs you.

"Missed you so much! Was about to die without you!!" Your whole body twists with a warm feeling upon the confession.

"A bit dramatic, no?"

"Nah, he's saying the truth." A voice snaps you out of each other. "He was so ready to end it all if he didn't see you again."

Kai walks towards the coffee table, going to pick his phone left behind.

"Can I have a single moment of peace in this house in which no one interrupts me?! What happened to being a happy family?!"

Hyuka just refrains to snort and grabbing his phone, waving you goodbye. He walks a couple steps before pausing.

"What is this on the floor?" He bends down to grab the discarded gift bag before a feral Yeonjun drags him. Kai yelps. "HELP A LUNATIC IS TRYING TO KILL ME!! I AM WAY TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!"

You stare at the scene slowly raising your own phone and recording all of it. Perfect for blackmail.

"Aren't you going to separate them?" A voice says behind you.

"Oh fuck! You scared me, oh my god" You look at Soobin, who is eating some snacks. "Shouldn't you? Aren't you like the leader and the responsible one?"

Soobin shrugs and eats another chip before saying, "Four members is okay as well, one less kid to manage."

You just limit to follow him with your eyes, until he disappears inside the kitchen again. Triple blackmail in one, nice.

It takes a grand total of two minutes before Kai gets away from Yeonjun. You only hear Yeonjun muttering some words before the almost-dead Kai runs away to his room. Finally your boyfriend looks back at you, with the culprit of a gift back in hand.

"I have something for you," he says, blushing and avoiding to look at you in the eyes.

You grab the back and carefully look inside. The most adorable plushy ever, with two key-chains—a big one with three initials—and a matching tiny one.

"His name is Boing, he jumps."

Looking back at Yeonjun you catch him with the same key-chain on his trousers. A handmade gift with the letters of your now tiny family.

"I hope it's ok—"

"I love you."

[andielle]

prologue|chpt. 1|chpt. 2|chpt. 3|masterlist

You and Bucky have shared this relationship for almost a year now. He sleeps with you to relieve stress, you sleep with him to free you from your slight crush on him.But what happens when Bucky breaks the rules of your relationship, and yearns for more?

MODERN! Office AU! Bucky x Reader

chapter 1: rules | 1.3k words | warnings: implications of sex

It was never always been that way, of course. You and Bucky had a great co-worker relationship before everything. However, it became more than being co-workers, you both ended up being friends, great friends even. He taught you the ropes of being in the company, along with Nat.

You found out more about Bucky as you both talked more and worked together in projects. You found out that he was an old man at heart, he loved slow music, he loved his coffee black every morning, he loved plums because he said it 'improved memory'. 

So, you would play his favourite songs when you both would be alone in the office working on an engineering project, you would make him his coffee when you made yours in the morning, you would buy him plums as a joke whenever he forgot a meeting or an important due date. It was an inside joke only you and him would get. 

He would chuckle at your jokes (God, you loved seeing the wrinkles forming at his temples when he did that), before calling you childish. But you know—deep down—he appreciated your silly jokes and your comments. You never realised this, but he was a breath of fresh air. But, you also never realised the way you were starting to be jittery around him, how you wanted to see him more often, how you started feeling fluttery inside at the thought of him laughing at your jokes. 

You tried your best to push it back, your feelings back. You were way too deep when you started realising, you had a crush on him. It's just a crush, you told yourself. It was nothing friendship breaking, right? Yeah... yeah, it wasn't. 

You noticed that he started doing projects with you less. You overthought. He spoke to you less. He didn't even acknowledge you when you were commended at a meeting for recreating one of Howard Stark's old theoretical inventions, the floating car—a floating car! It still had room for improvement though, you still had to figure out how to keep it from overheating. But God, couldn't he have at least given you a look of awe? 

Being the naivette you were, you pulled him aside after the meeting, asked him what was his problem? Well, you were quite hurt at what you got, but at least he was honest.

"Did you think I didn't notice how you've been acting? I'm not stupid," he then said your name with borderline contempt, "I think you've misunderstood our friendship, let's go back to being professional, okay?" 

Ha! You were surprised how you didn't even cry, not even one bit—you just felt your heart shatter a little, that's all. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," You bit back tears, "'Thought we were just being close friends." you saw his eyebrow raise at that. Then, his eyes, his pretty blue eyes narrowed. He looked at yours, how it was threatening to spill tears, and he looked down at your trembling lips. He was silent for a while when you heard yourself gulp. "I don't believe you," he finally replied.

One thing led to another—you both ended up in your bedroom that same day, his hand up your shirt while he was attacking your lips with his. He kissed you with hunger, like he hasn't kissed anybody in years. You kept your hands on his shirt, wrinkling the fabric with your fists. You never thought it would've been like this, not like this. Before he put you on your bed, he grabbed your sides, looking into your eyes. 

"Are you sure you want this?" 

"Yes," you said breathlessly. He kept still, completely serious. "Then we have to agree on something," His eyes pierced through yours, like he was trying to read your mind. "We need rules if we want to do this," you nodded at his statement. 

"Rule one," he continued, "We keep this in your bedroom, not at work, not outside, not anywhere else." 

"Rule two," his hands left your sides to take his shirt off, revealing his sculpted figure, "No intimacy, got it?" you gulped, starting to feel your palms sweat from the closeness and the fact that Bucky was in front of you, shirtless. "Got it."

You nodded again. But if you were being honest, you were more focused at his piercing gaze and his lips that were swollen from the kissing. 

"Rule three, no feelings. Just to let you know, I'm not doing this because I like you—" he said like he was disgusted, "I just want to let off some steam. Are you okay with that?" 

"I'm okay with that." No, no, what are you doing to yourself?

He left you alone the next morning. 

—

That was how it started, and that was about nine months from now—yes you counted—and it would be the tenth month in a few days. Nobody really knew about it either, except Nat—that woman could figure out everything about a person if she wanted to. Sam and Steve would have their suspicions now and then but they would keep to themselves. It was easy to hide, it was not like he put marks on you anyway, it was nothing special. At least to him it wasn't. For you, it was a different story.

You never really thought it would've gone this far, you really expected Bucky to lose interest in you. That was how it has always been with your previous relationships. You were ashamed to admit this but, this was the longest you've lasted with a man, even though you know you and Bucky weren't exactly dating. You thought you could leave anytime, but if you did want to leave, you would've left a long time ago. A part of you chased the chance that he would develop feelings for you, and another part of you loved the closeness with him. You're hopeless! Nat would tell you. 

Well, the 'relationship' kinda worked out, as you felt your feelings dwindle down a bit, thank God.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when Steve called out for you. "Hey, are you alright? You seem so off today," you tried your best to smile as genuine as possible, hoping you don't make his worries worse.

"Oh, I'm okay! How are we doing today?" you pointed at his blueprints, trying to avert his attention to something else.

"Well, I kinda need a break, all of this drawing and sketching is burning me out a little," he scratched his head. "What about we go to that new cafe that's just opened up nearby?" you suggested, "I could use a break too honestly."

"Hey that's a good idea! I should bring Bucky along," Steve smiles. No.. no...! You felt your palms sweat at the thought of sitting awkwardly at a cafe table, munching on a glazed doughnut, in front of Bucky. "Good idea!" Bad idea! "I'll bring Nat along," you said, to quickly save your situation. 

"Alright, see you after work!" Steve said before walking away to his office. You sighed at that interaction, turning around to walk back to your desk. You were met with grey blue eyes. It was the man himself.

"Oh..! Hey Buckaroo," you said awkwardly. "What?" Bucky said confused. "What?" you mirrored.

"You going on a date with Steve or something?" he asked curiously, nodding his head up. You shook your head no. 

"No, no—It's nothing like that! We are planning to go to that new cafe that opened up nearby, Steve wanted to bring you along actually," you waved your hand in a panicked way. Bucky replied with a simple okay and walked away, leaving you standing there.

What was that?