#he just let her abuser go and potentially have the chance to try and kill them for the third time

[rocicrew]

THE EXPANSE 6.04 REDOUBT

[jweekgoji]

can u write some Yandere TFO Darkwing x Cybertronian femme reader, who is a miner but Darkwing ends up getting her pregnant and forces her to be his conjux

Yandere!Darkwing/Femme!Reader [TFO]

tw: dubcon, yandere/dark themes, unplanned pregnancy, toxic relationship, supervisor/subordinate, power imbalance, size difference, mentions of past abuse, sickness, description of trauma, hurt no comfort, no happy ending. word count: ~1780 a/n: I wanted to keep it short, but somehow it leads to this. I guess this is for 5 Darkwing fans? imo, he has good himbo potential. also writing for Elita was fun...now i wanna write some Optimus and Elita/Reader fics once i'm done with requests.

How could you let this happen?

The same question runs in your head over and over again. It seems that no matter how hard you try to forget about it, you always see that familiar face right next to yours. Dwarfing you, making you feel so small and fragile. It probably wouldn't be too far from the truth. With your smaller, weaker body, nobody would even notice if you were gone.

You should be used to it by now. Countless cycles of mining, the same routine seems somehow calming despite having no signs of progress in any near future.

Energon, sleep, energon, sleep. What kind of life is that? Was that really all you're good for? Your endless purpose until you break one day?

Primus, why did he make you suffer?

“Hey!” you hear a rough, commanding tone from your captain right behind you. “No slacking off until we finish our job! Come on, keep up!”

You blink once, then another few times, optics quickly concentrating on the wall in front of you. How long were you staring at this wall…? Doesn't matter.

Elita-One gives you a glare; she is too preoccupied with leading her group safe; of course, the mines are too dangerous, and every single wrong move could lead to a series of disasters. You usually have no problems with following her orders, but everything now is just too much. Too much stress, too many orders. You're so exhausted.

Reluctantly, you continue working on collecting energon once again. The heavy equipment makes your frame tremble from the weight; you never once struggled with it, despite the drilling machine being almost the same weight as yours. Now, every single minute feels like a challenge. Focus, focus, focus— you can't just pass out during your work! If it didn't kill you first, then Elita-One certainly would after you screwed her chances of promotion.

You shook your head, as if somehow all the thoughts about the pain—the non-stop aching shooting down your back. It makes you want to bend down and wrap your arms around yourself; maybe, just maybe, it will all go away, and you'll be back to normal.

The soft whirr of your cooling systems gets louder. The poor mechanism overworking itself to cool down your frame. You barely notice how the buzzing sound of the drills seems quieter now, changing into the ringing in your head.

The loud clank of the metal against the ground quickly catches Elita's attention. A frown etched on her faceplate, the immediate ‘...by the name of Solus Prime, what's next?’ she quietly grumbled under her breath, turning her attention to the source of that sound.

Your boss was ready to scold you again, another lecture about the importance of teamwork and how it affects the whole squad—but all the annoyance quickly changes into panic the moment she sees you. Close to falling on your own knees and forehead pressed against the wall as you lean against it.

She quickly approaches you, placing her servo on your shoulder to turn you over so you can face her. Your frame is so warm, no, too warm it's almost burning hot. Your spark beats so hard she can practically feel it under her palm. The signs of sickness are obvious, and she cursed her luck yet again that now she has to explain the situation to the supervisors.

Elita helps you to lean your frame against her own instead, holding her arm around your waist, asking countless questions about what the pit you were thinking, and starting your shift without telling her about your well-being. She's the leader of your group! She has to know everything! It doesn't help with her concerns that you barely say anything, too weak to even open your mouth.

She is so annoyed with you, at everything right now. Great, just great, now she has to— a pause. Her optics widened for a mere second. Elita-One looks down at you with a mixture of confusion and a growing shock. The beating of your spark. Twice as fast, too unusual for any cybertronian even if put under the stress. Her servo reaches to your chassis, hovering over the spot where the spark chamber is. You're sparked up.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Quiet, too quiet, perhaps. The first thing you notice before finally opening your optics. The soft light of the room makes you want to go back to recharging again. Another innocent dream will be a good place to escape the harsh reality, until the slow realization creeps into your mind.

“It wasn't my fault, how could I—” the distant sound of Elita's voice is heard outside the room you were in.

“It was your job to lead the group and make sure everything goes according to the protocols. Just like ensuring that every bot in your squad is in the right shape for work,” you don't have to check twice to understand who it would be. Darkwing.

You can hear Elita trying to defend herself again. After all, it wasn't really her fault. You never wanted to tell anyone about it. But what choices did you have? How can you explain being sparked up? By who?

Now you feel guilty. Shame. She got into trouble because of you, and knowing how hard she worked to reach her position...You're so, so sorry.

You slowly move to sit up on the berth in the...what was this place exactly? It reminds of the infirmary, but surprisingly, any medic is absent today. Ratchet? Lifeline? First Aid? Completely gone.

As the door opens, your optics meet Darkwing's own. It was always hard to understand what exactly he was thinking about when he looked at you. The visor, the battle mask, it seems like every single thing in him has a purpose to make you self-conscious. Nervous and scared. Unlike him, you never had the chance of hiding.

Once you two were alone, he's fuming. He breathes heavily, trying to suppress the anger burning inside his chassis. If you were any other miner, another speck of dirt under his pedes, he would have disciplined you without thinking twice.

But you're no ordinary miner now, are you?

“You hid this from me, on purpose,” Darkwing looks down at you, servos clenching into tight fists. “And this is how I find out about it. Do you have any idea what you just got yourself into?”

The mere idea of him being together with  some nameless miner? Ridiculous. He never planned it to develop into something more. Just a one-night stand, nothing more. He would have forgotten about it by the next day if it wasn't for something, making him think about you since then.

The perfect size, fitting in his servos just right. A tiny toy to play with and use however he wants. A cute one too; isn't this a great deal? The curves, the shape of your frame...if you had a cog, what kind of alt mode would you have? A jet like him? Maybe a car? A boat?

Any other of his fellow supervisors would have left you immediately once they found out. If any bot gets to know about it, he's screwed. Darkwing, who claims to despise every single cogless bot? And now he's having second thoughts about whether he should let you be on your own or...participate?

You lowered your head, as if in shame. There's no fight in you left, not after Darkwing personally stripped you of your dignity. Now the only thing left is a sense of responsibility over that sparkling inside you. You're not even sure if your body can take it. The slowly growing little thing takes up a good half of your energy, and with the energon portions you receive, it is hardly enough for the two. You might die from starvation if this keeps up.

Just standing next to Darkwing is a struggle. You wonder, if he even understands what he costantly puts you through, or maybe he finds some sick pleasure in it. Watching you suffer. Is that what he wants? While you live with the responsibility that he put on your shoulders, nothing ever changes for him. This is so unfair.

You will be no surprised if he drags you to the mines to continue working just to please Sentinel Prime right now.

“Can't even look at me. You miners are only good at one thing,” another taunt. His servo reaches to cup your chin, forcing you to look up at him.

The touch is gentler, not the usual roughness you started getting used to. You learned that whenever he is near you, the pain should be expected the next. That's why it's hard not to flinch every time he gets a little too close. This time, it's something different. Your optics closed, as if expecting a punch, a slap, or another bunch of degrading words?

Nothing.

Trembling in his grasp like some sort of wounded animal next to their predator. Obedient, quiet and timid, the cycles he spent to shape you into a perfect doll to play with. But you're carrying his sparkling, the part of him is soon to be born in this world. It is too late to get rid of it, even though some time ago the sound of it seemed tempting. No, even a useless doll like you deserves a second chance to prove yourself. From some faceless miner, you can grow into something more. Better. A carrier.

He can't let you go back to that place; it would be too cruel even for someone like him to let the carrier of his sparkling to continue this. The best thing is, no one would even suspect you were gone. A tragic event, one of the miner bots neglected their health until it was too late.

Sad, sobbing story, but don't worry, being stuck with your ex-supervisor is not too bad. By the all old rules, it's a shame not to claim a carrier of your sparklings as your conjunx.

“You should be grateful that I have better plans to use you, cogless,” Darkwing's hold on you tightened just for a fraction. To make sure you listen and understand his intentions. No other options but to obey. His words echo in the back of your mind.

The act of profference.

Gifting you a freedom, something you wished for and craved so deeply supposed to make you happy. If only it wasn't the same day you lose it.

[akirathedramaqueen]

No, I am not done with Western Energy yet, and I am not sorry

I. Just. Can't. With those parallels.

Just look at that! I am sure bunch of people already pointed that, but Hell knows it makes me think a lot about this shift.

Murder Family

[Blitzø]: Stolas, this is really a bad time!

[Stolas]: Mm, when isn't it a bad time, Blitzy?

Stolas *knows* Blitzø is in danger. There could've been a room for speculation, if it wasn't for the next exchange:

[Blitzø]: What is it?!

[Stolas]: I've been meaning to follow-up on our last little conversation regarding my grimoire.

[Blitzø]: What did you just call me?!

[Stolas]: My book, Blitzy. The book I was given to do my job. That I've allowed you to use to do yours.

*gunshot*

[Blitzø]: Shit!

[Stolas]: Anyhoo, I have been thinking... You know I've been permitting you to access the mortal realm less than legally for some time now? But I do need it back to fulfill my duties. I was thinking; what if we worked out some kind of an exchange? Favors for favors... Doesn't that sound...

*gunshot*

[Stolas]: ...enticing?

[Blitzø]: You gotta stop using your fancy-ass rich people talk, okay? I am trying to concentrate to not getting FUCKED IN MY A *gunshot*

I will omit the rest, as it won't add much to the point (if you've seen the show, you know the conversation doesn't stop here), but you can draw some conclusions from the dynamic:

Stolas sees Blitzø in projection. Gunshots do not give any chance for the wrong interpretation. He knows imp is getting chased.

Stolas takes his time to get to the point, speaks slowly, as if playing with Blitzø, with his life even, and he enjoys that. He knows Blitzø can't turn him down as imp is on a hook.

Blitzø is clear that he would like to pass on the call for the better time, but Stolas keeps him on the line. Blitzø is clear that Stolas needs to get to the point because he is about to get killed, and Stolas, although does that, is still slow in speech, playful, and demeaning towards him.

Overall, Stolas does not care about Blitzø being safe at the beginning of the series. You can also get from that convo that he crosses boundaries without guilt, and if he was able to jeopardise life of his potential lover, it's not surprise at all that he is demeaning, creepy with overly sexual talks at inappropriate times, and does not take Blitzø's offence as something to care about (I don't think Blitzø was called by his name properly at least once in the 1st season, but I have to check), as shown in later episodes. Stolas is abusing power and knows he will get away with it, because Blitzø has nowhere to go and has to put with it.

Western Energy

[Blitzø]: It's really not a good time, buddy...

[Stolas]: I'm sorry it's a bad time yet again, Blitzy, but, um...

[Stolas]: I seem to have found myself in a bit of a sitch.

You see the parallel, right? Right?!

I'm sorry it's a bad time yet again, Blitzy.

The first time we heard that, he wasn't sorry. He was dismissive.

Mm, when isn't it a bad time, Blitzy?

And the situation... Stolas is literally getting kidnapped, and finds time to ask an apology for calling at wrong time. *Again*.

Let's look at another piece of conversation:

[Moxxie]: That's Striker, sir!

[Blitzø]: Oh, for fuck's sake! Can't you just get away? Aren't you powerful?

[Stolas]: I believe he has me bound with blessed rope, which limits my ability to free myself I'm afraid. So I think you should come save me.

[Blitzø]: Oh, shit, Stolas, I can't today, alright? I'm sorry. I-I'm literally on my way to take Loona in for her very important Hellbies S.H.O.T. It takes years to book an appointment at that place, it took me five to get this one... and she's doing a lot of field work, so you know, she needs it...

[Stolas]: Oh, ha-ha, well, I do agree that is very important... but I-

We know the rest. The phone is taken away by Striker, and the conversation is interruped. We also know that Stolas gets a sudden realisation that he is in danger, which gives a hint that before he didn't recognise the situation quite as serious.

You see the shift that happened?

Stolas apologises for taking Blitzø's time, despite being in imminent danger. He went from total dismissive to total apologetic and even evasive.

Stolas takes into account Blitzø's reasons, and admits their importance.

This time Blitzø is the one who talks more, but he is on point the whole time and generally sounds uneasy, understanding that this time this is, despite being the bad time, very important. As we know, after the conversation he rushes in, before agreeing with Moxxie and Millie for them to go instead.

And why is so?

I find it very interesting that the similar phrase was used in so different contexts. In the comparison, the power dynamic simply has flipped.

Stolas was the one who needed attention, and Blitzø was the one who was asked for help.

The first time around, Stolas needed attention as well, but his matter was so diminutive and Blitzø's problems at the moment were so serious, it was simply disrecpectful, to say the least.

The second time, his request is to literally save his life, and he apologises, puts Blitzø's interest higher than his. He now feels like he is a burden, a nuisance in Blitzø's life, not wanting to disturb him at all. The connection that holds them became so fragile, because Stolas realises he has nothing to offer besides power, and from that sole conversation it becomes clear that he now avoids using it against imp even on the verge of being hurt.

Stolas's attitude shifted from dominant to apologetic, he went from assertive to frightened, and, as Blitzø's importance in his life grew, so grew Stolas, giving us hope for his redemption, but also showing how insecure he really was all the time.

So much for the regal title and eldritch powers, if you can't hold onto a meaningful relationship with the one you care for.

[wilhelminyard]

part 3 of the foxes being brutally honest and insulting people to their faces because they are SAVAGES

NEIL :

"I figured he was an egocentric maniac who was so desperate for his own glory he refused to see the potential in anyone else"

"tell me you're not that stupid"

"I might have been a little more considerate if I'd known how stupid you are"

"you being an asshole at heart means I was right about your chances. you do understand by now that your cowardice is what's keeping you and andrew apart, right?"

"you're a spineless asshole. you let the world happen to you and don't bother to fight back. you let other people dictate how you can live your life and who you can spend your time with. remind me why you put up with your mother's abuse for so long. did you actually love her despite her madness, or were you just too afraid to walk away?"

"what do you think?" "I think fuck you"

"your false bravado helps no one" "neither does your cowardice"

"you already walked away from him once knowing what riko would do to him in your absence. don't do it again. if you don't protect him now, his death is on you"

"die free or die a failure. the choice is yours."

"I'd ask you how it feels but I guess you've always known what it's like to be second, you worthless piece of shit"

ANDREW :

"is your learning curve a horizontal line?"

"a privileged child like you has never seen the real world"

"I've had enough of your stupidity to last me a week"

"I'm volunteering my opinion" "don't. children should be seen and not heard"

"you're stupider than even I gave you credit for"

"you have a problem wherein you only invest your time and energy into worthless pursuits"

"you're a different kind of suicidal. didn't you figure that out in december? you're bait. you're the martyr no one asked for or wanted"

"I hope you two are miserable together"

WYMACK :

"anyone have ideas on how to make neil look a bit less like a battered wife?"

"I can't tell if you're being obtuse to fuck with me or if you're really that dumb."

"I need you to derail that one-track fucking mind of yours for two seconds"

"great. kevin's turning into another you. that's just what I needed."

"get washed up before your stench kills me"

KEVIN :

"we need you on the court but not if you're going to drag us down with you. in the shape you're in right now you'd be a complete waste of our time."

"even if you'd stepped it up when I told you to a year ago, you would have no chance of beating them. there is nothing at all you can do this late in the year. they are better than we are and they always will be"

"stop acting like a spoiled child"

"you've got a thing for controversial teams, I think, but I like this one much better than the last one" "they're mediocre at best but they're easier to get along with"

NICKY :

"do you get off on being such a debbie downer?"

AARON :

"it wasn't the drugs that made him crazy"

"I'm walking away and pretending I don't know you"

"I want to drink and pretend I don't know any of you"

MATT :

"good to see you're still fuck-all crazy"

"one of these days you have to let me hit kevin."

ALLISON :

"you are on messed-up child. you come by that naturally or did your parents do that to you?"

"seriously you guys? it's like you don't know us" "we try not to"

RENEE :

"I tried taking you off his hands at one point. andrew refused on the grounds he wouldn't wish you on anyone except a mortician"

[talkdutchtome]

You Should Have Said No Chapter Five- Shake It Off 

pairing . . . max verstappen x reader / pierre gasly x reader )

summary . . . when your fiancé cheats on you, you strike up an unusual friendship with one of his closest friends, who just so happens to have had a crush on you since he set eyes on you. chaos ensues.

inspired by the works of miss taylor swift )

genre . . . angst )

song . . . shake it off- taylor swift)

warning . . . cheating, mental illness, angst, eventual smut, poorly translated french and dutch, swearing, mention of parent loss, emotionally abusive parent, slight social media au, kendall jenner as fc (potentially more i’ll add as i go along)

series masterlist . . . available here )

“Literally everyone does it Y/N, it’s a rite of passage after a breakup” Lila stresses at you, waving a pair of scissors in front of your face. She wants to cut your hair, claiming that it would help you forget about Pierre. Truth be told, you’re not even sure that you want to forget about Pierre, though you’d die before admitting that to Lila, who may kill you herself if you dared let those words pass through your lips. Whilst Lila worked on the West End theater scene in London now, she had spent years working on much smaller theater scenes so she had learned to cut hair so that her and her colleagues didn’t have to spend a good chunk of their small paycheck on their hair; so you knew that she definitely could cut your hair you just weren’t sure you wanted it cut. Pierre had once told you when you were 18 that he liked your hair long so naturally, you kept your hair that long ever since. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that Pierre wouldn’t have had an issue if you did cut your hair, realistically he may not even remember that he told you he liked your hair long, but you remembered so you always kept your chocolate brown hair at the length it was when he said it. “Okay fine, just do it” you relented, sitting in front of her to allow her to begin to work on your hair.  

After she had finished, she put a mirror in front of your face, enabling you to see your now shoulder length hair and as much as admitting she was right was painful for you; you had to admit not only did you look good but you also felt a freeing sense, like you were finally accepting that life was going to be different now, and maybe that’s okay. “It’s lovely, thank you Lila”  

“Right okay time for outfits, I’m not sure what you’re wearing to the race yet but I know exactly want I want you to wear for the after party; you need to go full Princess Diana” The words that came out of her mouth made you laugh but you quickly realized that she was completely serious. “Okay what the hell do you mean by ‘full Princess Diana’, also you do know you’re not my personal stylist righy?” 

“Oh, come on you know! The revenge dress!”  

“My god you’ve lived in London for too long” You laughed at her but maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea, there was every chance Pierre could come to this party and you were only human after all, you couldn’t help wanting to realize what he’s missing out on. Whilst you were weighing up your options regarding your evening wear, Lila had moved onto looking through her suitcase trying to find something for you to wear. “Now this is perfect!” hearing your best friend’s words made you look up to the outfit she was referring to. In her hands she held up a pair of light wash ripped boyfriend jeans and a black top that was really more of a bra than a top. Opening up your mouth to tell her no, you caugh sight of her face looking at you with pleading eyes and pouted lips. “Okay fine, give it here”  

“Ohhh and this too?” she throws Max’s jacket at you, resulting in her receiving a death stare from you “Nope. Too far Lils” you told her trying to be serious but failing once she fell into fits of giggles, causing you to laugh like a mad man too.  

“Uhh Y/N, have you been on Instagram lately?” Lila questioned with a worried tone in her voice, before you could answer her question, she had turned around her phone and showed you the post that she clearly thought you needed to see. Your eyes focused on the image in front of you and you quickly snatched the phone out of her hand to have a look. The fact that there were paparazzi as you got off Max’s private jet a few days ago had completely slipped your mind after a very stressful few days. “Oh fuck” you cursed at yourself, you didn’t even think how it looked for a driver's fiancée to be flying on a plane alone with a bunch of other drivers, but clearly the fans following the infamous F1 gossip page did. Reading through the comments, you saw countless people calling you a slut, alleging that you were sleeping with one of the drivers that you were pictured with, people worried and upset for Pierre; pretty much any derogatory word under the sun was used to describe your behavior. Just for a second you felt a flash of guilt, knowing that Pierre is defiantly going to see the post, but it quickly dawned on you that you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for having friends or for spending time with people who were looking after you after finding out that your finance had cheated on you. After the guilt subsided, anger took its place. How dare they criticize you for having friends, for daring to even be in the presence of men whilst Pierre could literally fuck another woman and there wasn’t a post about that, there wasn’t cameras in the club when Pierre actually did what people are accusing you of. 

“You just need to ignore it Y/N, it’s not fair of course it isn’t but it’s also not important, just follow the advice of Taylor Swift and Shake it off” Lila spoke, knowing what was going through your head.  

“Oh I was actually meant to say, have you spoken to Charles since everything happened?” she asked you, trying to change the topic of conversation as she could tell the gossip post.  

“No actually, he messaged me literally the day after it happened as Pierre went to his house when I kicked him out but since then I haven’t heard anything since. Though he did phone you so I guess.” you told her and she scoffed, clearly not happy with that answer. “That’s really shitty of him, he’s been your friend for almost 15 years and all he can manage is one text. Though it doesn’t surprise me, he always was a dick.” her words made you laugh but you couldn’t help but agree with what she said, you had known Charles for almost as long as he knew Pierre and you were always close so you’d be lying if you said it didn’t bother you that he hadn’t reached out since that first day. “Oh come on be fair Lila, he was a bit of a dick when we were 15 but he’s changed since then, he’s a good guy” you told her but she just scoffed again, clearly not ready to accept that he wasn’t the same Charles that broke her heart 12 years age. 

Much to Lila’s dismay, upon your arrival at the track ready for the race, you were called into a meeting, leaving her alone for an hour, desperately searching for some entertainment, she ended up stumbling into Pierre. Whilst she tried to avoid his gaze and get away without speaking to him, she had no such luck. “Ugh what do you want?” she had asked him clearly pissed off that he wouldn’t let her slip away without having to acknowledge his presence. “Please just listen, I really need your advice” Pierre told the girl in front of him who rolled her eyes but gestured for him to continue. “I just don’t know what to do, I love Y/N so much and I know I fucked up, I really fucked up but I don’t want to live without her and every time I try to speak to her, I just seem to make it worse” his words caused Lila to laugh, earning her a death glare. “Look if she’s got any sense, she’ll never take you back, but I’ll tell you this; if she’ll ever be ready to take you back, she needs to heal first. Every time she sees you her heart breaks more and soon enough it’ll be broken beyond the point of no return. So, if you love her or ever did, you need to leave her alone, at least for a while” Lila told him, causing him to stand deeply in thought for a minute before speaking up again. “But what if I leave her alone to heal and she ends up falling for Max?” he asked her, with tears in his eyes threatening to spill over. “I’m going to be brutally honest with you Pierre, would that really be such a bad thing? You and I both know what a hard life she’s had, doesn’t she deserve love from someone who will never hurt her? Who will never make her look in the mirror and wonder what is wrong with her that the person who is supposed to love her went and slept with another woman.” Lila told him before turning around and walking away before he had a chance to respond.  

Eventually the race started, and you were sat in Red Bull garage hospitality with Lila, things were going well for the first 15 laps until there was a crash that made your heart sink. Pierre had collided with Geroge Russell sending them both spinning. Before you even had the chance to think about the consequences, you were on your feet and running to the Alpine garage. In that moment nothing else mattered other than finding out if Pierre was safe, everything else was forgotten. In the time it took you to reach the garage, Pierre had come back and other than sporting a bit of a limp, he seemed fine; that was until he saw you and it looked like he was going to cry. Both of you were acutely aware of the fact that were countless engineers surrounding you who had no idea what was going on between the two of you; they were used to you being sat in the garage all weekend but this time you were nowhere to be found until right now when you ran in frantically. It was quite the picture, you both standing opposite each other, him trying not to cry and you trying to catch your breath, partly from the running but also from the creeping anxiety that sat in your stomach.  

Eventually realizing that you weren’t going to say anything whilst surrounded by everyone, Pierre told the medic charged with checking him out that he was going into his driver's room to get his withings before they took him away to the medical center to be checked. As he walked, he gestured for you to follow him, so you did. “Are you okay? That looked really bad. I was so worried oh my god are you okay?” You rambled at him, not even giving him a chance to answer your questions. You were spiraling and he knew it, even though you could now see that he was okay, the initial fear you felt was the straw that broke the camel's back and every emotion that you had shoved down for the past week was making itself known. Pierre could see that you were shaking and crying, so on instinct he wrapped his arms around you, so tightly that it hurt because he knew you and he knew that’s what you needed when you got like this. “Shh baby it’s okay I’m okay. I know it was scary but I’m okay” He soothed you and stood with you in his arms until your breathing calmed down and you pulled away from him. “I’m sorry for coming here Pierre, I just needed to know that you were okay” you told him before turning to walk away from him, once the anxiety had subsided you realized that coming here wasn’t the best thing to do, that letting him comfort you wasn’t really fair on either of you. Just as you reached the door handle you heard Pierre’s voice ask you the one question you really didn’t want him to ask- “Why did you come here?” You turned around to look at him, but you didn’t answer his question, how could you when you didn’t even know the answer yourself. “What is going on with you and Max?” He questions you again, upon realizing you weren't going to answer his first question. It’s the same thing he asked you days ago, but the way he asks is different now; there’s no venom in his voice, no taunting look in his eyes, there’s just sadness and a look of hopelessness. “He’s my friend. He’s really looked after me over this last week and I do really like him, but it’s not like that Pierre okay. He’s just a friend” you told him hesitantly, you’re aware that maybe it was best not to humor his question, but the anxiety attack you just had exhausted you and you truly did not have the energy to argue with him as to why it’s none of his business “He likes you Y/N, he always has” he told you. There were no words you could think of to say in response to him, so you just walked away.  

After your interaction with Pierre, you went back to the garage with Lila where you both watched Max win the race by 30 seconds. Immediately following the race Lila had to leave to catch her plane back to London, you both cried as she left, vowing to not leave it so long until the next time you see each other again. Despite all of this and how much you loved her, you cursed her name when you arrived back in your hotel room and saw the dress, she left for you to wear. It was a tan mini dress that clung to your body tightly and stopped way higher up your thighs than you ideally would have liked; to put it bluntly it was almost the exact opposite of something you would chose to wear but as it was the only option available, you had to accept that you would be out of your comfort zone and get ready for the party. Just as you were getting ready to head to the club you remembered the last words that Lila had said to you just before she left “Make sure you post on Instagram how hot you look just in case Pierre isn’t at the party, a revenge dress isn’t a revenge dress if the person doesn’t see it” you laughed at her words but did what she said anyway, knowing that she wouldn’t leave you alone until you relented anyway.  

The second you walked in the club, you caught sight of table that Max and everyone were sat at. Even though it was a Red Bull party Max did mention that others would be coming so you weren’t surprised to see Lando and Daniel sat alongside him. As soon as Max spotted you, he was up on his feet, making the short journey from his table to the bar where you stood. 

“Hey Max congratulations, such a good race.” You told him, smiling sincerely at him. “Y/N I’m so good you’re here! I was worried you weren’t going to come. What are you drinking?” The Dutchman asked you, smiling ear to ear, clearly on a high from his win. Usually, you didn’t drink much in clubs, often finding that it ends up making your anxieties worse, but you couldn’t help but feel that this was a night where you deserved to let go a little bit and actually get drunk for once. “Ohh maybe tequila?” you suggested earning yourself a cheeky grin from the man in front of you, who leant forward and ordered four shots of tequila from the bartender before calling Lando and Daniel over to give them their shots. As you stood at the bar with the three men taking your shots, you couldn’t help but think about the gossip post from earlier; you realized that as you were in a public club, anyone could easily take a photo of the four of you and use it to fuel more rumors. Part of you wanted to walk away from them, to not give people anymore ammunition to use against you, but the other part of you didn’t care what anyone else was going to do or say and just wanted to have a good time with your newly found friends. Deciding to listen to the part of you who just said ‘Fuck it let me have fun’ you ordered more shots and let yourself just enjoy the company you were in.  

After an hour or so passed, you could feel how tipsy you started to become and decided that you had probably drunk enough; that was until you saw Charles and Pierre walk into the club and immediately decided to buy and drink a lot more alcohol. You sat at the Red Bull table with Max and his friends for a while more until you saw that Pierre had left Charles sat by himself for a moment and with your decision-making skills inebriated, you decided to go and confront him.  

“Oh hey Y/N” Charles spoke as you walked towards him. “Don’t ‘hey y/n’ me Charles you’re such a dick” you told him perhaps a bit more aggressively than you had meant, slurring your speech whilst you were at it too. He just gave you a confused look. “I can’t believe I’ve barely heard from you Charles. I know you’re Pierres friend I get that, but you’re my friend too. I’ve known you for almost 15 years and all I get from you when my life literally falls apart is one text? I get you called Lila and I appreciate it, God knows I needed her here. But I also needed you. I’m not asking you to pick my side or drop Pierre, but it would have been nice to feel like you didn’t drop me.” You ranted at him, and he just looked at his feet, clearly ashamed at his behavior. “I know, I’m really sorry. I did want to reach out, but I just didn’t know how” he spoke, and you could tell that he did genuinely feel bad. You were going to say something else to him in response, but you suddenly saw Pierre approaching and decided that being around him in this state definitely was not the best idea. “I should go” you told Charles before turning to walk away. “I am really sorry Y/N, phone me when you get home to Monaco and we’ll arrange to do something” Charles called out after you just as Pierre rejoined him, earning him a funny look from his friend.  

The need to drink came back after that conversation with Charles so you grabbed another couple of shots for you and Max before walking back to the table, and after taking them all you wanted to do was dance. With Lila being gone, the next best person to dance with was Max so you grabbed his hands and dragged him onto the dance floor. This was completely out of character for you, with you usually being the quiet person sat in the corner at a club but despite that and despite the fact that you knew that Pierre was burning a hole in your back watching the two of you, you completely let yourself go and danced with Max. The dancing started fun, with the two of you jumping around to Taylor Swift’s Shake It Off (the irony was not missed on you even in your very drunk state), however after a while the copious amounts of alcohol you had drank started to catch up on you and Max eventually declared that you probably needed to head home and that he would acompany you to make sure that you got in safely.  

The journey in the uber was proabably around 30 minutes, although it didn’t at all feel like that. You spent the whole journey talking to Max about pretty much everything that came into your head, you told him about how you and Lila met Charles and Pierre and how the four of you became best friends, you told him about your love for Taylor Swift and your desperation for Eras Tour tickets, you even told him about the time you met Christan Horner’s wife Geri for the first time and completely embarrassed yourself by gushing over her and telling her how obsessed you were with the Spice Girls when you grew up. And the whole time he sat there and listened to you, he didn’t just listen to the important stuff you had to say like you often felt Pierre did, but he sat there and listened just the same when you were rambling on about something silly and insignificant. He was completely attentive, and it made you feel like you could tell him absolutely anything. He then walked you all the way up to your hotel door just so he knew that you were home and safe. “You looked so beautiful tonight Y/N” he told you but it looked like he regretted in straight away when you just looked at him unsure what to say back to him. “Goodnight, thank you for a good night” He spoke again before turning to leave. “Wait Max” you called after him and he turned around to ask you what it is you wanted but stopped when he felt your hands come up to the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. Your lips touched only for a second and your touch was so faint that Max could have thought that he had maybe imagined it if not for the riot of butterflies took flight in the depths of his stomach, their wings fluttering in harmony with the newfound spark that had ignited between the two of them. Before Max had a chance to say anything you closed the door on him before walking to the bed and flopping onto it. In spite of the amount that you had drank, you had never felt more sober than you did right now, in the aftermath of your first kiss with Max. You wanted to cry, you wanted to laugh, you wanted to scream, you wanted to run after Max and kiss him again but in the end all you do is just lay on your bed and attempt to follow the piece of advice that Lila had given you earlier in the day, you just shook it off and went to sleep.  

Taglist-

@hiraethrhapsody @ironmaiden1313 @dudenhaaa27 @aundercover @dearlovelys @bicchaan @eugene-emt-roe @faithm120601 @ruleroftheuniverse @idkiwantchocolatee @simxican @reidsworld @icarus-nex @barnestatic @amalialeclerc @stargaryenx @pjofics @girlintheredscarf @janeholt3 @lu-morningstar-2 @mycenterfold @be-your-coffee-pot @omarsiglia @lordperceval-16  

[stansthemans]

What do you think would happen in fem!Stan aus if their parents find out her and Ford are having sex?

whoa boy. I mean. it would be Bad. I'm in the camp of Filbrick was an abusive dad, far more so to Stan than to Ford. With Stan, I lean towards it was physical as well as emotional and verbal. Ford didn't exactly have it easy with the weight of all filbrick's expectations placed on his shoulders, feeling like he had to be extra perfect bc of his birth defect and his intelligence, and this sense of responsibility for Stan, like anything Stan did was a reflection on him. I'm also not very forgiving to Caryn. I see a lot of people saying things like "she loved her boy" and I'm just not so sure. Especially with fem Stan, I think Caryn was critical about her looks and would she ever find a husband, and she let those criticisms be known. Stan never had to wonder if her parents didn't like her. They were clear on that front. Last born, totally unexpected, another mouth to feed, and worst of all: a girl.

I typically also think that the entire family hides the severity of what happens to Stan from Ford. it's the one cause they're all united on. I think filbrick and Caryn keep it secret as a means to control ford, because they think (know for a complete fact) that if ford knew, he would flip his lid and they would lose that potential meal ticket. they know that ford is choosing Stan over everything. Stan keeps it a secret because she's terrified that if ford knew, not only wold it break his heart, but he might try to fight for her, and she's so scared that filbrick would start hitting him too.

as for getting caught. yikes. I think they would place all the blame on Stan and the beating would very nearly kill her. it would just be terrible. typically with my version of the fem!stan au, I keep a lot of things very close to canon. She's even still named Stanley rather than constance bc I think doing that shows how little filbrick regarded her when she was born. their life plan was two boys and that's it (I headcanon older shermie). not only does Stan show up unwanted, but she also has the gall to be a girl. I usually still go with fem Stan being thrown out after the science fair incident, rather than other things I've seen like her running away. but for this, for them getting caught, it's the late 60s-ish. I think they might bring her to an asylum. maybe if it was something slightly less, like if she got knocked up but they didn't know it was bc of ford, maybe they would try to marry her off or ship her away to distant relatives. but this is so huge, I really think they'd have her committed. and ford, oh man, if ford knows that's what's happening, he'd go ballistic. ford is far, far more protective (and consequently, far more hurt and angry when betrayed) of fem Stan. that's not just his twin, not just the person he's in love with, it's his little sister, and despite the romantic/sexual feelings, that's been drilled into him his entire life. big brothers are supposed to take care of their little sisters, and ford is the big brother that really matters when it comes to Stan. they've always been so close. two halves of a whole, it doesn't work if they aren't together

yeah, I think he'd just lose his mind. literally clawing thru the dry wall. I think if they got caught, there wouldn't be a chance for the science fair shit to go down. ford would blow up at his parents, blow up at Shermie, and he would leave fire and brimstone in his wake trying to rescue Stan and get them as far away as possible to restart their lives. in some ways it's a happier ending for them, but man is it rough

[octoberland]

Invisible

Only TWD would get me to come back here writing my fandom thoughts. It's a landmine because you never know how people will react. I am going to share some deeply personal thoughts. I ask that you treat this vulnerability with the respect that it deserves. Spoilers for tonight's episode. And a trigger warning for my personal experiences with abuse.

I met Carol 14 years ago. It was a time in my life when she was a mirror for me. Meek, scared, abused Carol. The little mouse. Jumping when Ed said jump.

By the time the show aired that year I had extricated myself from my situation. But I was still terrified every day. I mostly didn't sleep at night. When I did sleep, I would prop things against the doors so I could hear if someone came in. I would rarely be out of the house at night. On the occasions I was outside after dark I would be walking with my heart in my throat, beating the loudest of drums in my ears. Every stranger was a potential threat. Every shadow could be him coming back to kill me.

I latched onto Carol in my fear and despair. I understood her. Related to her. Felt inspired by her. I was hers from the moment she bashed Ed's skull in. It was so cathartic watching her do that. I wished I could have that moment in my life.

Like her, people judged me. People blamed me for being with a man like that. Said I must like bad boys. Said I liked the attention. Asked why I didn't just leave. It's all so easy to dissect when you're on the outside.

Unlike Carol I didn't have a walker to take out my abuser. I extricated myself. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. And it came with great risk. And I mostly did it alone.

I watched as she grew strong. And I grew strong too. Like her, I learned to fight. To be fair, she was not my only influence there. I have Captain America/Chris Evans to thank for that too. I hope someday I get to tell him that story. But watching her grow was an inspiration.

Like many people, I was moved by her ability to connect with Daryl. You don't understand how hard that can be after abuse. It's been 14 years and I've still not been in another relationship. I may never be again. That kind of abuse leaves an indelible mark on you.

But with him she blossomed. Sexually, emotionally, and just as a human. I admired her ability to do that.

The trauma was still there though. We saw that. Her edges became too sharp. Her distance too cold. But I get it. I really, truly get it.

But through it all her relationship with Daryl remained. They were each other's North Star. Not perfect, but constant.

But the sad truth is, at the end of the day these characters don't belong to us. They are written by flawed humans with personal agendas and like with any long running series, the longer it runs the higher chance for writers to fuck things up.

Before I dive more specifically into tonight's episode and the Book of Carol let me just say that I still love Carol and I still love Daryl and I still love Caryl. If you want to stop reading here just know that Carol remains an icon to me for very personal reasons. But that is part of why I'm writing this.

Potential spoilers beyond the cut.

The writing this season is sloppy, imho. And this is where I put my writer hat on and try to look at things more objectively. It seems like Gimple is mining the past because it's "cool" and not because he actually wants to address any long standing trauma that Carol has.

Everyone's trauma journey is different and I get that. But after 14 years I doubt that Carol is going to start panicking when going into a barn. In fact, we've already seen her entering barns in early seasons without any issues. I wish the show had consulted some trauma experts. They could have provided some examples of things that might actually set her off. Like seeing a little girl walker. Or meeting a child named Sophia. And speaking of that, I know Carol is supposed to be tough and sneaky and all that but the episode where she lied about her daughter to get the plane really bothered me. If the memory of her daughter is so traumatic I feel like she would not use her daughter like that.

This reunion episode was a missed opportunity to explore trauma in a more meaningful way. It was a missed opportunity for Carol and Daryl to have some truly meaningful conversations. I know I've said this before but she FLEW ACROSS THE OCEAN. DURING AN APOCALYPSE. And all he basically did was grunt one liners at her and lie about how he never stopped trying to get back to her. These two deserve to have a real conversation where they talk about how incredible what she did was. They need to talk about what that means for each of them. And I'm not even talking about romance. Daryl has never had anyone do anything like that for him. Does he understand how profound an act that was? If he ever had any doubt as to how much Carol cared for him this should have erased it. And for Carol, this could also be a wake up call for her too. While being hard and cunning is good for survival, this is an opportunity for her to be vulnerable. To express what he means to her. Or to maybe even face any codependence she has with Daryl.

I feel bad what happened to Isabelle. It kind of feels like an FU to her character. As much as I love Caryl I'm not in support of fridging women for a ship or for man pain. I'm glad we got to see her and Carol together but I wish we could have seen them together a little longer. Again, there is a missed opportunity for some really interesting conversations.

I can't help but feel that this show is suffering under the leadership of male writers and showrunners. There's such nuance to be had here and it's being funneled down to base tropes. Genet is evil because her husband died. Carol is just now having flashbacks to something that happened a decade ago because we need her to grow emotionally and we can't think of another way to do that without mining her motherhood. Isabelle has to die because God forbid two adults actually have a conversation about emotions.

I honestly can't guess where this series is going right now. Every time I think I know what is going to happen something else happens instead. Normally this would be a good thing but here it just feels sloppy. Are they dicking around Caryl? Will they kill her? Or him? Or do they plan for this to go into more seasons? I haven't a clue. But it feels like whiplash, like they are trying to make the characters grow too quickly to fit an agenda without doing the real work people need to do. A hug from an old lady won't cure trauma.

I think mostly I just wish Carol and Daryl would have a real conversation before all this is over.

Anyway, that's my rant. I did like the old married couple joke in the car. And I'm glad Carol's not dead. But I hope we get to see some real connection.

[davekat-sucks]

I feel like you missed the bit where Caliborn/Lord English/Doc Scratch controlled just about every detail of the Alpha timeline up until Game Over.

How the characters treated each other led to their classes and roles in the narrative, even to the point of who did and did not god tier.

Mindfang and Vriska are the way they are in direct relation to Doc Scratch. He in particular has an affinity for the Light players also screwing over Rose.

Spidermom does not lend herself particularly well to the task of raising well adjusted children. Not to mention that without Mindfang's actions, as reprehensible as they are, Vriska who has no other role models, wouldn't have killed Aradia who's death was essential for their success, wouldn't have bullied and abused Tavros who's death prompted Terezi to kill Vriska in turn.

Doc Scratch literally calls them suckers for all of this, something he had infinite timelines to perfect.

Further evidence is Vriska's ignoring and rejection of Kanaya's input. A character who literally symbolises maternity.

A lot of the problems within Homestuck are due to the literal universes being run by a toxically masculine father figure while nearly every maternal figure is killed or ignored. (Except Roxy, who bucks this trend.)

PM also noticeably diverts from this path. Her major influence is the White Queen. Both Queens are taken out extremely early, but PM's adherence to her queen's directives ultimately result in her victory. Roxy also just so happens to kill a queen in HIC.

Vriska after getting on better terms with Terezi and Kanaya and leaving behind her idolatry of Mindfang, the influence of Doc Scratch, and the abuse from her mother, is the character we see standing across from Lord English in the end.

Roxy making the Matriorb, Vriska's plan, Kanaya's discussion with Echidna (the mother of monsters) it's all extremely thematic to the reestablishment of a womanhood not subjugated by Caliborn's masculinity.

But isn't it also a reoccurring theme about fate and destiny that the characters either go along or reject? Can it not work for something like going against the ultimate big bad Lord English or Doc Scratch? John's Retcon powers was suppose to be this for Post Canon, but it's never used fully to its potential for things like saving Equius, Nepeta, and Tavros, pacifying Gamzee without using mind control, etc. You also forget that some of the people that were part of the doomed timeline had also gotten chances to improve as individuals. For example, Eridan was less of shithead somewhere, being friends with Feferi for real, and obtaining his Hope powers. But fate says it is not the right way. Eridan shouldn't be nice. He HAD to commit the horrible actions he did on the meteor to continue the timeline. So it's impossible to have Eridan improve even with John's retcon powers? Or why let some people be exceptions of what is the status quo for their aspects? Space players deal with loneliness. Kanaya is suffering from Rose's affair with Jade, Rose leaving Kanaya in the Meat Timeline, and Jade is suffering from her loneliness because Dave won't return her feelings in said both timelines. The only one not suffering is CALLIOPE, who is currently with Roxy in both Candy and Meat. Why is she special compared to others that would have go through what their aspects is destined to be? Even then, not all the things about the aspects is true. For example, Breath of Air is suppose to be about freedom. If it's that, then why do people still TELL JOHN WHAT TO DO when he can just actually make choices on his own. Not from the Readers, not from other characters in-universe, but his own being, as the story tries to claim that they are living people and living people don't have character arcs. It was also VRISKA'S CHOICE to wanting to be like Mindfang. It was HER choice to try and project herself and become something she may not be able to be as great as the figure. Nothing about Mindfang did say she had to sexually harass Tavros to make him like The Summoner. It was Vriska herself who think she can groom him to become his ancestor without his consent. Don't think it is Mindfang's fault for it because of Beyond Canon. How is also Vriska's rejection for Kanaya's feelings a symbol of maternity? Kanaya's ideal relationship with Vriska is that she's the bad girl and Kanaya would be the one to try and tame her ways. The whole I CAN FIX HER kind of shit. Vriska is just o8livious to Kanaya's feelings because she is so caught up in herself that she doesn't bother or care about how other people feel. Kanaya sawing off Tavros's lower torso is normal in Vriska's eyes because jadeblood is above bronzeblood. Vriska is used to violence done by trolls. So it's not like Vriska can call out Kanaya for hurting Tavros out of jealousy if she knew.

Also, how is it the father figures fault for toxic masculinity?! Dad Egbert was the sweetest guardian compared to everyone else. What he fuck did he do wrong when raising John? PUTTING A LETTER UNDER A SAFE THAT SAYS HE FINALLY BECAME A MAN AFTER LIFTING IT?!!! How the fuck is that bad? Equius' lusus, Aurthour, acts more like a servant for his son too. How is he abusive towards the blueblood when his son can bruise the guy even at the lightest pat? If anything, the problem lies more of the women who abuse their position and power. The Condesce is an example of this for Alternia and her alias as Betty Crocker. She wishes to be immortal to stay in her position. Mindfang was another in the sense that she had waited for The Summoner to grow up and have him gain his powers so she can use him for her own goals. Sure she loved him, but it's still fact that she had needed someone for her own benefits. Bitch had to wait for a troll to hatch and grow up legally for her to MATE. But nobody calls her out to be a pedophile. Then there's the Black Queen/Snowman and her treatment towards Jack Noir/Spades Slick. The Black King may be the figurehead and force upon his kingdom, but the true brains was the Queen herself. It's a running theme that the women are often portrayed to be strong, in power, or placed in such a high position while the men go through emotional arcs. But you forget that it wasn't Vriska who defeated Lord English. Bitch didn't even get to directly to fight him during Collide. She has to face ANDREW HUSSIE. It was Tavros, Aradia, and the ghost army that faced him. The same ghost army that TAVROS also recruited. The real leader would be him, not this fat 8itch. And even then, she got cucked out again and it was DAVEPETASPRITE^2 who killed Lord English in Epilogues. Vriska didn't deliver the final blow. For a girl to claim she wants to be seen or become a hero, bitch gets cucked out of the great moment it would instill herself as a hero. Vriska may have stopped Gamzee from doing worse to Terezi, but she wouldn't be there if it was not for JOHN. A man saved her life. Also the reason why Roxy had to make the Matriorb was because Eridan had destroyed the one on the meteor. It has nothing to do with Caliborn, even with the whole 'Eridan is the proto-Caliborn' bullshit that Andrew Hussie tries to say he is this in the book commentary. His destruction towards it was necessary too because it meant the Condesce could not repopulate the troll race for the Alpha Timeline. The Condesce was also the one who kidnaps Roxy to force her to make this. It was a WOMAN who wanted to get the troll reproduction back on track since her mistreatment towards her lusus, Gl'bgolyb, made her unable to get the Matriorb. It's in contrast too that Feferi was the only one who treated her lusus kindly that she was rewarded an afterlife for all her friends, the Dream Bubbles. How is Caliborn involved in anyway of the troll repopulation or forcing Roxy to make another one?

[basket-of-cats-and-witches]

New Beginnings

I never really liked all the different ways I could have introduced Kit, my OC. Originally, I settled on the ol "try to take him out and Sylus is impressed and recruits", but as Kit has evolved and changed as a character, it stopped feeling correct. After all, I've established in my own headspace that Kit is unwaveringly loyal to him, which requires quite the catalyst. She's very firm in her beliefs.

So, here. This is set ambiguously in timeline, but well before MC shows up at Sylus's doorstep for the Aether Core.

Content Warnings include: Mentions of physical abuse, expectation of death, brief mentions of s*x work (not in a nsfw way), mentions of violence/blood.

Anyway, if you liked this or just wanna support a writer, feel free to like or reblog! It lets me know people like my work, and encourages me to continue writing.

I'm really happy with the imagery in this one, so I hope you like it too!

🐦‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐦‍⬛

Gunfire could be heard inside the compound. Time slowed as people rushed inside, rain slicking the stairs like blood seeping between the floorboards.

Still, Sylus's attention was focused on one figure, and that figure alone.

She didn't flinch as Onychinus took over, men with guns shouting left and right.

The only sign of any life was the cherry-red glow of the cigarette as she brought it to her lips, inhaling in measured breaths.

Those eyes looked…hollow.

A man was dragged past her, screaming and kicking. He yelled profanities at her, face twisted with rage, but she didn't seem to notice.

Only Sylus's keen eye was sharp enough to see the tears that rolled down her face with the rain.

Short cropped curls sagged under their own soaked weight, twisting loosely across her forehead. There were old scars across the back of her neck, like a sheep forcibly shorn, and he couldn't help but wonder what she would look like if she had a chance to bloom.

This was no small woman. She was lean and tall, every muscle toned and built specifically for fighting.

She was not a typical beauty. There was a handsomeness there that few would recognize. People would see the towering height and her intimidating coldness first, and not look past it.

Kieran, ever quiet, nudged him.

He glanced down.

“You're going to take her, aren't you?” He asked softly, his voice barely audible amongst the din.

Sylus stared at her a little longer.

The woman didn't move. Her head was hung low as if she was already waiting for death.

As if she'd already died.

He sighed, and stepped forward.

-

There was a pair of nice shoes in front of her.

Instinctively, Kit knew they were Italian leather, polished to the nth degree. These were shoes that were well-loved, well cared for, like her father's hands holding hers and teaching her how to work the wax into each crease and seam.

She took another drag of her cigarette, and wondered if she'd ever see him again.

“So you're our informant, hm?” That voice was deep and rich, silky with raw confidence. This was a man who was used to getting what he wanted.

Numbly, she nodded. Any second now, he'd thank her for the tip and kill her.

That was just how these things went. She'd done it plenty of times on Hector's behalf.

The Italian shoes creased as the man squatted down in front of her. Rain soaked his coat, turning charcoal into pitch as the black fabric became waterlogged.

“What's your name?” He asked.

“Kit.” She didn't even recognize her own voice. It was hollow and flat as she waited for the executioner's ax.

He tilted his head. “No last name? I suppose this business does have a tendency to take out family members as potential casualties.”

“Don't play around with me,” she said flatly, flicking the cigarette onto the ground and crushing it with her toe. “Just do what you have to. If you're going to take my life, I'd appreciate it if you didn't play with your meal first.”

The man tilted his head, humming tunelessly in thought. She'd never heard anything so off-key in her life.

“You think I'm going to kill you?” He said. “That seems like a waste. Becoming one of mine is a much better bargain.”

Kit blanched at that. “I'm not interested in working ‘under’ you. I think I'd prefer death, in that case.” As soon as the retort came out of her mouth, she cringed, expecting the strike of a hand.

Or worse, getting pistol-whipped. Hector's favorite method of punishment.

Instead, she was graced with a low chuckle.

“Trust me, kitten, if I wanted a bedwarmer there are plenty of women far more willing. And I prefer them willing.” He continued as heat spread across her cheeks. “Besides, you seem like you're a skilled fighter. That's a much more useful ability to me.”

“And you're not concerned I'm going to sell you out like I did these people?” Kit asked quietly.

Sylus shook his head. “No,” he said, without missing a beat. “I'm fairly certain you had your reasons. By the scars on the back of your neck and the way you still haven't made eye contact with me, I think they were less kind to you than you were to them.”

Startled, Kit looked up.

Lightning cracked down behind him, illuminating the soft grey-white of his hair and turning it into a blazing halo. The sudden flare of light left his face in shadow, a single ruby eye glowing with an unnatural light.

It was like a panther’s gaze in the darkness, a predator waiting to strike.

Like an angel, filled with cruel mercy.

Sylus smiled at her, a tiny curve of his lips as he looked her over.

“There we go,” he murmured. Standing up, he held out his hand. “The name's Sylus. Onychinus is mine. Want to work for me?”

Kit swallowed hard. Her mouth felt dry, a swirl of complex emotions filling up her chest and pressing outwards, as of they were trying to break free of her lungs.

She took his hand.

“I'm Kit,” she whispered. “Kitty Hale.”

Sylus smiled wider, and pulled her to her feet.

[the-price-of-a-voice]

‎‧₊˚✧Aleksei’s Backstory (short version✧˚₊‧

CW: Mention of killing, child abuse (?), Vera Dostoevskaya, mention of death,

Tagging…

@happy--prince

Kazimir Aleksei Dostoevsky’s life wasn’t easy from the moment he took his first steps. By the time he was able to walk, around the age of five, his mother, Vera Dostoevskaya, had already thrust him into the brutal world of Anti-Entropy, her underground organization. His childhood was stolen from him, replaced by grueling training sessions designed to mold him into the perfect weapon. Though the exact details of his training remain a mystery, it’s clear that it was harsh and horrific, shaping him into someone who could take lives without hesitation.

By the time Aleksei turned 15, he had already claimed over 150 lives—a staggering number that spoke volumes about his deadly efficiency. Vera had carefully honed him into her own personal tool, a weapon to be wielded against her enemies, with his ability serving as the cornerstone of her plans. She pushed him harder than anyone else, expecting nothing short of perfection, all while pulling him deeper into her web of control.

As Aleksei grew older, though, he started to push back. He wasn’t content to be his mother’s pawn anymore, and what was worse, he was trying to make Katya, his younger sister who was also being harshly trained, see the truth, too. He encouraged her to think for herself, to break free from Vera’s manipulative grasp. Vera, sensing the threat he posed to her influence, decided to silence him the only way she knew how—by staging a "tragic accident."

Aleksei survived the crash only because of Fyodor Dostoevsky, who saw an opportunity to use Aleksei’s skills for his own ends. With Aleksei presumed dead to the world, Fyodor inducted him into the Decay of Angels, Aleksei’s potential was too valuable to waste. So, Aleksei was pulled into the world of the Decay of Angels, officially “dead” to the outside world but very much alive and in Fyodor’s service. To cut off his ties to his past and as a way to spit in both his mother’s and Fyodor’s faces, Aleksei changed his name, swapping it around to become “Aleksei Kazimir.”

——-

Aleksei and Katya were close once—really close. He was the protective older brother who always looked out for her. But that all fell apart when he stumbled upon the twisted truth of what happened to his sister. During a delivery to Suiren’s lab, Aleksei found something that shouldn’t have existed: a half-formed Katya floating in one of those eerie cloning tubes, with notes confirming that the real Ekaterina had died. For Aleksei, the idea of a replacement for his sister was unbearable. He didn’t want a clone, he wanted the real Katya.

In a desperate attempt to stop the process, he tried to sabotage it, but he was no scientist—he was a killer. One wrong move, and he accidentally caused a fracture in the clone’s developing spine, which left her with difficulty walking even before Vera and Suiren’s later surgeries messed her up even more. The weight of that mistake was something he couldn’t shake. He blamed himself for everything that came after.

That was the last time Aleksei saw Katya before Vera tried to take him out. Years later, by pure chance, he crossed paths with her again while on a mission for the DOA. She looked just like the Katya he remembered, but when she turned to face him, there was nothing—no recognition in her eyes, no flicker of memory. Fyodor, never missing an opportunity to manipulate, made sure that Aleksei and Katya were frequently paired together on missions. He knew who they were to each other, even if Katya didn’t, and was trying to force a reunion between the siblings in his own twisted way.

Now, Aleksei is stuck in this strange limbo, too guilty to tell Katya the truth, too broken to let go. He hovers on the edges of her life, doing what he can to make things a little easier for her, to make up for his past mistakes without revealing who he really is. He still carries the weight of what he did—how his well-meaning attempt to stop the cloning process led to Katya’s suffering. Deep down, he wonders if things would have been different if he hadn’t tried to play the hero that day, if he hadn’t messed with forces he didn’t understand. But now, all he can do is try to make amends, even if Katya never knows why.

[columbocorners]

I haven't done any art of otto but honest to god I feel like so much of otto's angsty behavior I really have chalked up to being normal for me because I have so many weird ocs who have trauma on the basis of horrible shit they can't comprehend happening to them. so this ramble is about that.

one of my ocs, mr. forget-me-nots' whole trauma is on the basis of pure abandonment by his family when he was 18 years old and expectation to run a horrible drug operation long after his mother, the sole owner, passes, and how does he even cope? by doing it. because he wanted any approval from his mother even after she was dead and buried, by hands which he embalmed, and he is so caught up in the world of the dead and the past which he is completely shook by to even understand why he mourns the way he does, because he's so stuck in anger he never truly got to express.

and for another character, their whole identity is chalked up to ' you are an essential copy of another man's legacy and mistake ( in this case, a mistake interpreted as a GOOD thing, mind you ) and told he can't be anyone else other than that person's legacy, that personification, and has to abide by that law, because that's all he is, all he will ever be, and he is told to kill anything personal ( his own childhood crush and lover ) just to extract any idea or possibility he could even be human.

and then I look at otto and all his actions just. make perfect sense to me because he is SO traumatized. by someone who he was potentially close to being taken by something and the idea noone suggested cece ( cici ? ) wanted that, is horrible in execution because has anyone ever considered that maybe cece is his only family? that maybe even their parents weren't that good? there is enough there were you could make the assumption they even hated each other as siblings, but by god with the way otto acts I can't imagine anything else beyond purely a good sibling dynamic or just the pain that is of losing someone, knowing they are in reach, but you're incapable of even getting there, and maybe to some extent it is because of WHO you are, and in that same sense there is a fear that because of how OTTO is, that could even be why she was gone which is why I have been doing nothing but rotting on otto being just such a misguidedly good person who does such horrible things because he is absolutely a bad therapist but you know it is because not only is he attached to noone, it's just the fact she's the one thing that could tell him why cece was taken which is why he's so frantic. noone doesn't respect him and I can't blame her, but I also think it's the little things, the breathing techniques, the attempts to try and make genuine connections, he's in so much denial though that is he so selfish with his own wants that he can't abide by noone's own but you know, that's the thing with someone who is as traumatized as otto is, how could he not be like that? how could he not be as aggressive and outrageously selfish as he is? it does not at all justify the behavior, especially towards a CHILD, mind you. However, it's still the point and clear fact that like or not, he has a complex care for noone and his patients, he doesn't like referring to children by numbers, he tries to ensure noone is given opportunities and chances to get cake, to have gifts. It is so unprofessional as it is a weak attempt to try and do better because he knows he's fucked up, but he's so disorientated in the belief that he can at least fix the one thing that BROKE him in the first place all these years, like. I get that honestly. as someone who has been abused, who has gone through more than the average person, I get not letting go of the past and the refusal not to, the denial, the bitterness about it all, the grief, because as much as you are moving forward, you can't help but look back and for me, that's what otto does so much in the podcast.

he can't help but be caught up in that incident because he was just a boy who lost his sister and was told by someone else that yeah, she could've left because of how he was, but then it's like, that is a majorly fucked up thing to say to someone, actually, he is being so shitty as he is, but he didn't deserve to be told that to me, because from how I see it, otto is alone. he's got nothing to cling to but someone who is already gone, and it's like. he lost his way because he got relapsed by trauma from the past that came to haunt him by literally noone experiencing the same thing his own sister was.

and I feel like by the end of it, he's just going to go down a hole he can't climb out of ( well, he's already dug himself so far as he did ) and it's like. on god, you couldn't exactly blame him for being mad at the ferryman either because it's like. in his eyes, that was the thing that took away a family member, someone he cared about. and if there is one thing I hate, it's like that so many people are forgetful of what makes up otto which is the trauma. like yes, he's done so much that is so shitty, but I'm not gonna' have that be like the only thing I will see about that character because he's really layered to me, I love noone, and I genuinely get why she's upset at otto, honestly I am too, but on god, I love seeing the trauma within characters and how that, for otto, never went away even through adulthood because trauma doesn't. you don't get rid of that, there is no healing some wounds, they just linger and they burn, and they will eat at you if you LET them.

and otto has. I've got like multiple headcanons about otto honestly that I could go into, because honestly he gives off divorced energy to me and that means lack of understanding and difficulty with some social cues reads to me as adhd in my eyes and I have adhd so I'm making that a big hc so it's like. broooo I could go on for hours.

[gamora-borealis]

I think with vol 1 Gamora we see her have a slow transition from beginning to end of the film and she softens over time. She had a plan in place to leave Thanos and was ready to risk distancing herself from him. She goes from quick to anger and having almost no trust and fear of vulnerability to letting her guard down a little. We can see her nodding her head to Peter's music and offering him a gentle smile by the end. In vol 2 she's grown some more and is closer to the others and more open, but she still has rough spots and doesn't trust new people easily or read every emotional situation. Then of course by the end there's more growth and deeper relationships to the others. We get to see a solid arc of emotional and mental healing. We're allowed to understand the good and bad parts of her and to connect with her story. In Endgame 2014Gamora is just like vol 1 Gamora. We see how hard she can be but also that she cares and has a good heart. In vol 3 Gamora is very much like vol 1 Gamora only a bit rougher because she's a ravager now. But also she's basically vol 1 Gamora who didn't get to ease into changes. She was thrown into the future, found out she had been killed, was dealing with both 2018 and 2014 Nebula and had to then jump head first into a potentially universe ending battle against her abuser. If that had been me I would have had a nervous breakdown. There's so much that was going on and vol 3 never allows that to be explored. Her entire significant experiences in the future all happened between Endgame and vol 3 where people couldn't emotionally connect to it. The guardians aren't given space to sympathize with her and the audience is left with undefined backstory and no real plot for Gamora in the film.

Lots of people have been deliberating on 2014Gamora and I think the most simplistic answer is they never should have killed 2018Gamora. Especially with only one film left. The contrast between her death in Infinity War and how James Gunn has handled characters deaths with far more agency and dignity stands out a lot. But in vol 3 it's so much more in your face how Gamora was treated compared to the other characters. In Infinity War she dealt with Thanos mostly on her own, was emotionally abused and then just as she's telling her abuser what he's done to her isn't love the movie allows her experience to be silenced when Thanos throws her off the cliff and actually receives the soul stone. Afterwards we are never given a chance in any other movie or show with the guardians to see them all angry or sad about what happened. In vol 3 we see every member of the team openly distraught over Rocket's situation. When he faces his abusive past he's not alone. When he stands up to his abuser his feelings aren't shutdown and he gets to win.

I think vol 3 had a number of nice character moments for Gamora and I was particularly happy she got to stab the villain. There are many aspects to the writing and characterization that are great. But it's hard not to notice Gamora's treatment compared to all the other characters has been pretty awful since IW. I saw lots of people excusing what Thanos did to Gamora after Infinity War or saying she wasn't really abused because Thanos got the soul stone. I now see some of those same people talking about how Rocket's abuser was actually a bad person and what he did was unforgivable. That alone tells me Infinity War should never have happened. Nobody should have been left feeling Gamora deserved what happened or that it was justified. James Gunn has said he signed off on and was okay with how Infinity War went down and I try to respect that but I don't understand him signing off on the message Infinity War sent about Gamora's abuse compared to the message he put out about Rocket's abuser. I don't get allowing a prominent character who was on her way to easily having one of the strongest arcs in the mcu, ending the trilogy the least developed character with the least amount of relationships to a story that she helped shape.

Yes Yes Yes! Great write up anon.

I think there could have been more Gamora stuff in Vol. 3, but it clearly was meant to be a Rocket-centric movie and there was so much going on considering they had to fit in Adam as well, so more stuff with her would have taken away from all that from a writing perspective. Not that that's fair to her character at all, but story/time-wise and knowing that Rocket is Gunn's favorite and this was meant to be his movie (whereas the last one was a little more Gamora and Nebula heavy), it makes a lot of sense.

We also have to remember: the timing of the James Gunn drama may have affected this too. The first time we see the Guardians again being in Thor 4 where it's just supposed to be kinda goofy and short was not ideal. This movie is 3 years late, and there were some changes made to the script (not huge, but probably some side-plot Gamora and Adam related stuff because the movie was further up the timeline now).

One thing I liked in Vol. 3 is they kind of have a moment where they take a jab at the "magic cliff" and how it doesn't make sense. I also struggle with Gunn's decision to sign off on her death. He seems to care about these characters a lot, even if Gamora isn't maybe his favorite like Rocket. It makes me wonder how much say he actually had in all of it, and how much it was just reassuring the fans (I'm skeptical of statements like this having become a Supernatural fan since 2020 lmao). From a writing standpoint, I can see how "Gamora having a big emotional death and Peter fucking everything up" sounds appealing, especially since they were desperately trying to figure out how to incorporate the soul stone and give the movie emotional depth. The soul stone was originally supposed to be tied to Black Panther/Wakanda, but their director wanted the movie and T'Challa's powers to be rooted in Wakanda/Africa (the flowers) and not some weird space thing (which makes sense!). So they probably came up with the Vormir idea and approached Gunn with not a lot of options. If Gunn had been the sole writer of IW/Endgame, I'm sure that even if he still chose to kill Gamora, that the stuff after Gamora's death would have been handled a lot better (as we see with Rocket and his abuser in this film). It's clear that Gamora couldn't have been brought back though because that would have meant Natasha also would have needed to come back, and the Avengers people clearly wanted her to stay dead (and that's a whole other problem ugh). Gunn probably was given story points he had to work with in IW/Endgame and write dialogue for, which I feel like he did a decent job of (Gamora spoke her mind as much as the story allowed and tried to sacrifice herself).

A lot of people have pointed out that sexism probably has some to do with how Gamora has been treated too (like if she was a male lead would it have played out like this). And you know, I don't think James Gunn is purposely trying to be sexist, but the dude is flawed (and admits it) and his writing used to be more problematic than it is now. It's maybe still a blindspot for him.

I'm also potentially processing this all differently because I purposely spoiled myself on some Gamora details last weekend before going into the movie (yesterday) to prepare myself (because if not I can get wayyy too invested and it hurts a lot). So I've had some time to think about all of this at a meta-level before I saw the film. I think I'm generally happy with how it turned out considering what happened happened in IW and can't be changed now. I kind of liked that Gamora had all this growth in Vol. 2, idk what path she would have taken in Vol 3. Everyone had to go discover themselves at the end. Would Starmora have broken up then? Adding the new challenge of making it a different Gamora was kind of more compelling in some ways, although I absolutely hate that that meant she had to die to get there (maybe if it was the same Gamora with no memories that would have been interesting).

I'm also very used to filling in all the gaps of what isn't on screen because that's just how my fanfic brain works, and I feel like Gunn writes such strong characters that it's easy to imagine stuff offscreen (and maybe that's what he wants us to do). So like, just because some of the Gamora / Guardians mourning her stuff happened offscreen doesn't mean it didn't happen. Gunn would probably agree with that. It still sucks that we didn't get to see it though.

[savingthrcw]

Kate Austen

Page under construction

Some important canon divergences:

-This is the most important thing, key to Kate regardless of me eventually writing other ships because it explains a lot about her (I'm talking about her relationship with her father as you'll see): I will be writing Kate as having feelings for Sawyer by default even if you write he doesn't feel the same way (she'll get over it, I don't want to forceship!), and trying to push them away because, like she said "every time I look at Sawyer, every time I feel something for him, I see you, Wayne. It makes me sick", and I interpret that as not only her thinking of Sawyer as potentially unreliable in romantic settings even if not abusive like Wayne was (she pictures the two of them as a very toxic couple, especially knowing herself and how she'd keep pushing him away, so she doesn't really him a chance to prove her wrong) BUT, more importantly, it means to me that she's scared he'll bring out of her everything she has inherited from Wayne, because she's more herself around Sawyer than around others and she keeps pulling closer and pushing away; she sees Wayne because she fears she's like him in many ways.

Wayne always pushed her darker side out until she killed him, and she's scared she'll find out she's too much like him so she runs first (same fear she had about having children, and Aaron proved her wrong, turns out she could be able to give healthy love if she gave herself the chance). This fear exists regardless of Sawyer, and will follow her in romantic & familial & strong platonic relationships in this order.

I want to point out that this doesn't need to come up in our threads because very dark (depends on your triggers and her relationship with your muse), but it was very clear that Wayne, while believing Kate to be "only his wife's daughter" (but still, you know, a young woman under his roof that he watched grow up), was making passes at her, at least in the form of sexual comments while drunk and grabbing her. I write Kate as sure this was going to go somewhere beyond words and the last push that made her kill him, besides having just found out he was her biological father. She hates him and everything else I said, and even more so for hurting her mother, but she was also terrified.

-her feelings for Sawyer will dissipate if we are writing another ship or if we write that from the beginning they never interacted as much, but if they were there she'll always care for him.

-I write her as caring very much for Jack but not being in love with him. I will write her as distraught after seeing him with Juliet and still sleeping with Sawyer that night, but it will be because she knows she hurt him very badly, begging for his help to save Sawyer and 'making him' perform surgery on Ben. It's guilt. It's also feeling she can't be the person he deserves. She's not going to be with Jack if she goes home. You can have your Jack feel for her whatever you want.

-Kate's afraid she'll also 'pass on' the evil onto a biological child somehow. If she's raising Aaron in one of our verses that fear has taken a dive and is almost gone, because she can never imagine hurting him and she's beginning to see that a biological child would be equally innocent and not draw anything evil out of her.

-Now here's the kicker: I have to write Kate as more open than she is in canon. I think the difference comes from not relying as much on Jack, not letting herself grow as close due to guilt (over manipulating him/using his feelings at the very beginning) and that changes everything. Because if I write her the way she is in canon, threads will lead nowhere because she'll shut down. So I'll put her in situations where she's forced to speak up and make different choices. Not much, because it's still Kate, but enough. You can assume she's running away from openness in between threads, of course, but during threads when doable I will force words out of her, probably by changing some neutral small choices (example: not leaving immediately which results into a conversation not being closed).

Example: if Sawyer tells her she can use him, doesn't have to pretend she wasn't upset about Jack and Juliet when she slept with him, instead of not defending herself because it's true she will later tell him that it wasn't like that because in this blog it's not, and because I'll find an excuse to make her admit it, even if it's just anger.

potential scenarios:

-I'd love to write Kate staying on the island with Aaron due to things going differently, and traveling to the past with the others, or just Kate, no Aaron. Or for Sawyer to go with her, back home with all the difficulties and awkwardness there. Write other things happening, other encounters, wounds, situations, going off-canon, having her and Sawyer actually discuss how she feels about Jack (and maybe she goes stay with Claire again after they fight over the pregnancy scare instead of going back to Jack) (or she COULD be pregnant and terrified), or like I said explore her relationship with Sayid more, since there was something going on there in the first episodes and they kept being close (but could have been closer). With Juliets and Jacks, if they are okay with the changes, there could be more focus on the '3 years later', keeping in mind that Kate stayed single. Same for potential Claires who may return to Aaron and be helped by her. Or even better, all these characters survive and go home and threads can be set there too! Let's save whoever we want and write nicer things too, besides causing them new pains!

[joeey-dee]

Sara is as much trapped in that relationship as she is the League and the moment she tries to break free Nyssa goes after her family.

I just can't look past the similarities to abusive relationships. Sara is isolated from her family and friends, the threat of violence against her or her family if she decides to leave is constantly hanging over her head. She doesn't have a say or a choice when it comes to being with Nyssa. And that is a problem.

Nyssa's reaction to Sara's wants and needs is not love. She'd rather have Sara die than to be without her, that is not love, that is obsession. If you love someone you want them to be happy, to live a happy life even if it is without you. The thought of them being hurt or sad or dead is unbearable and nothing you'd want for them.

I think the difference between love and obsession is very well shown in the comparisson between Nyssa and Oliver's actions when faced with Sara dying from the poison. Oliver does everything he can to try and save her, Nyssa wants to kill her family.

Yes, she releases her in the end, but had Oliver not shown up and saved Sara, Nyssa would've let her die and also killed Quentin and Dinah. That action again showing how little Nyssa cared about Sara's feelings. Sara left the League after the earthquake to check up on her family and make sure they were safe. Something she had explained to Nyssa. Her family's safety mattered to Sara above all else and Nyssa knew that and not only  blatantly ignored that but used it as leverage to force Sara to come back to her.

In comparison Sara had asked Oliver to not tell her family that she'd survived the Gambit so they could remember her the way she had been before the Amazo and Lian Yu. A promise Oliver made and kept even after Sara came home and died again. A promise that brought so much pain, blame and suffering with it. Oliver could've told Sara's family that she had survived, that he had saved her life several times, protected her as much as he could, that he had done everything in his power to try and bring her home. He could've told them what had happened and maybe Quentin and Laurel might have not been as harsh and blamed him for Sara's death. But he was willing to take on all the blame, the hate, the anger in order to keep that promise. Respecting Sara's wish was more important to him than the chance of a better relationship with Quentin and Laurel by telling the truth. As far as he knew Sara was dead she'd never known had he not kept it in order to make life easier for himself. But he didn't.

Sara even pointed out to Oliver that her family would never forgive him if she came home and they learnt the truth a fact Oliver was well aware of and yet his answer was that them hating him would be worth it if it meant Sara finally got to come home and see her family, something she'd desperately wanted to do ever since the Gambit went down and Oliver knew that. Knew that it was the one thing Sara wanted more than anything. To go home and see her family.

Sara's happiness was more important to Oliver than his own. He was willing to shoulder the blame and the hate so she could be reunited with the people she loved the most.

Nyssa does change her attitude towards Sara, starting at the end of 'Heir to the Demon' and moving forward. And by the point Sara wants to free her from Malcolm, she does put Sara's life, her wants and needs above her own. It says a lot about Nyssa and her willingness to learn and change. She also helped Oliver after Sara's death and I believe a main reason was because he had been important to Sara and she knew Sara had been important to him. Their love for Sara was what they had in common above all else and was the reason they tried to work together in order to get justice for her.

So, I am willing to say had Sara and Nyssa decided to give their relationship another try after Sara's resurrection it would have had the potential to be a healthy one. Theoretically, but there would still be the issues of the past and those in my opinion unforgivable actions. I'm not sure Sara would've been able to forgive and forget what Nyssa had done and been willing to do to her family. I think there had been too much pain and hurt between them at that point to reunite again. But if there was a time when I think they would've had a shot at a healthy and balanced relationship, Arrow season four would've been it.

Sara also sort of knows how to exploit that relationship and Nyssa's love/obsession at the end of season two when they need help to defeat Slade. She knows Nyssa will do whatever it takes to get her back and she counts on that when she asks Ra's for help. Sara is not above using other people's feelings for her in order to survive or keep the people she cares about safe.

And yes, Sara says she loved Nyssa and I'm sure a part of her does or at least she thinks she did. Whether it is simply gratefulness for everything Nyssa had done for her from the moment she saved her, a need to convince herself of loving her because of the situation she'd been in; trapped with no way out and pissing off the daughter of the man who held your life in his hands was not a smart move, something Sara was very aware of, or if she had in fact fallen in love with Nyssa at some point during the years they've been together is open to interpretation.

I'm just saying the human mind is capable of unthinkable things in order to help keep us alive and survive any type of abuse, physical or emotional. So it wouldn't surprise me if Sara had convinced herself of loving Nyssa because it was easier than constantly thinking about the fact that her feelings didn't matter because she was stuck in the League and with Nyssa no matter what. It would've psychologically been less damaging for Sara to make herself believe she is in love with Nyssa instead of being forced to be with her at the threat of her own and her family's lives.

Again, she did something simliar on the Amazo with Ivo. She convinced herself he was not evil but a good man on a mission in order to deal with what she was forced to do. The situations with the Amazo and the League and with that Anthony and Nyssa are very similar in my opinion. And Sara just tried to survive, whatever it took.

So like I said before, mixed feelings, lol

How to you feel about Nyssa or Nyssa x Sara (idk their ship name)

Also your fic “Yes, this is all I have left in me the way love goes is not the way that it came come fly, un-die, be born again.” Was amazing and left me in SHAMBLES (but in a good way, if that makes sense.)

Have a nice day!

Hi, thank you for your question.

Oh boy… I might make myself very unpopular with my opinion but here goes, lol.

I’m not a fan of Nyssara to be honest. But to be fair we did not get a lot of information about it and a lot was left open to interpretation. My issue with the ship is the same as the ones I have with both Olicity and Avalance, it is also very toxic and they tried to sell it to us as something positive.

Nyssa’s behavior was textbook stalker and very ‚if I can’t have you so can no one else‘. This is scary and not love but obsession. It is dangerous and there are no excuses for her actions. She tried to kill Sara’s family, just because Sara left her. And most of the fandom excuses her behavior with the way she was raised and things like that. But that is no excuse for the way she acted. If a woman gets murdered, or her family, by her ex who had a bad childhood, would people also make excuses for that person? 

Another issue I have with the ship is that Sara didn’t really have a choice. Nyssa „saved“ her but at the same time she damned her by taking her to Nanda Parbat instead of letting her go home. Sara was thrust into the League because of Nyssa and the only „protection“ she had was Nyssa and Nyssa’s feelings for her. In a way she was back to where she had been on the Amazo, keep Nyssa’s favor and affection or deal with the consequences just like with Ivo. So I have mixed feelings on whether Sara actually loved Nyssa or it was closer to Stockholm syndrome and survival instinct. And yes, Sara clearly states that she loved Nyssa but she also claimed Ivo was not evil. There was a serious issue with the power dynamic in their relationship and that is never a good thing.

Like I said I have mixed feelings and am not entirely sure about this relationship, because there is very little information we have about it, and most of what we know if Nyssa’s point of view, which I do not trust. The way she saw it might not at all be the way Sara saw it. 

I have serious issues with the way the movie and TV industry is romanticizing toxic and abusive relationships and selling them as perfect and something to aspire to. It is dangerous and makes me very uncomfortable.

I do like Nyssa’s character and her as a person, I think she was very interesting and had a lot of potential and a great story arch, but I don’t think she and Sara were a good fit or brought out the best in each other. 

Aw, thank you so much for that compliment! It makes perfect sense and I’m so happy you shared that with me and liked the story! It means the world to me. I’m a sucker for Ollie and Tommy’s friendship, throw Sara in there and it’s my dream team, lol. 

Thank you, you too!

[minniepetals]

cry me a river | the thorns of a rose

— summary: loyalty means to have full allegiance and faithfulness owned by a duty, a pledge, or a promise. and the reapers’ loyalty lies much deeper than that

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, mafia!au

— word count: 5.6k

— warnings: mentions of breaking, emotional trauma, implied sexual harassment/abuse, implied forceful age-gap relationship (we're getting to more dark stuff here so please read at your own discretion, PLEASE)

— PART 11 / previous part / masterpost

“They say she’s the actual Grim Reaper herself.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“She’s on a rampage, going around killing anyone who has done her wrong. She’s already taken out Gwon Daejung!”

“Grim reapers go around collecting souls, she’s out here trying to collect the heads of all her enemies!”

“Surely that’s an exaggeration.”

“That monster killed her own father to get the throne.”

“What if we’re next?”

Knock, knock, knock.

A click of the door opens and he stares in horror at the said Reaper who’s out to collect the heads of all her enemies. With a smirk plastered on her face, hands resting behind her, and a flicking shine from the scythe earrings she wears, he can feel the beat of his heart drumming hard against his chest.

“Hello there, Mr. Choi,” you greet with a sinister expression resting well on your face, “it seems death has just knocked on your door. Would you mind giving me the pleasure of taking your life?”

.

.

.

“Why did you call me, Namjoon? You do know that I’m a pretty busy woman, don’t you? I have heads to sever and hearts to stab out.”

“Seems you’ve become quite the bloodthirsty mobster.”

You shrug lightly at his comment, adjusting the black gloves in your hands that are tainted with blood. “Well, life is pretty cruel to women so there’s quite a lot of people whom I have to go after now that I have the power to do so.”

“This is why you killed your father off?” He asks, eyes narrowed at you who only seems to be paying attention to your gloves. “Now that I think about it, you say you’re out to kill all the people who have done you wrong. Was your father your first target in all of this?”

Your hands freeze in place and when you look up at him, those eyes of yours are as cold as a stone, showing no sign of weakness, no amount of emotions for him to try and see through your facade. He can’t read you.

“What are you talking about?” You feign a smile. “If my father never cared for me, would he have accepted me so easily when I returned home after divorcing you? Any sane mobster who’s thirsty for power would have never let that slide. Yet father welcomed me in very well with wide, open arms.”

“Fool,” you hear your father’s disdained voice in the back of your mind. 

“You’ve always been useless from the second you were born. For a moment I thought things were going well, finally made useful to me. But here you are, crawling right back and begging for forgiveness at the foot of your father. I told you to make yourself useful.”

No matter how foolish and stupid you were ten years ago, at least you understood what to do in order to keep the image of a happy family alive and well.

Divorcing Namjoon was one of the hardest decisions in your life but you were left with no other choice. Returning that ring, asking him for a divorce, even that moment of weakness where you asked them to give you a second chance, all of that was planned.

After all, divorcing Namjoon meant facing father’s wrath so you had to do it smartly, hence you asked him to sign a contract with you before you left, before the divorce was finalized. It was the only way you could get through to your father. He would be angry either way but at least then he didn’t have to worry about losing power.

Power was all father wanted after all, and you allowed him to keep that.

That contract saved you from potentially dying at your father’s very own hands.

“Open arms…”

You stare at Namjoon with a small, playful smirk, knowing he must be thinking back on his own father. “Envious?”

He sends you a glare and you look away with a shrug, amusement plastered on your face.

“Did all those silent vows of keeping each others’ secrets safe not matter after the divorce?”

“Of course it does!” You say at his suspicion on you. “You don’t really think I’m the type to go around spreading every traumatic story of you and the boys to the world just because we don’t care for each other anymore, do you?”

“I don’t know who you are anymore, Y/N.”

“Right,” you nod. “Let’s keep it that way, yeah? Anyways, what am I doing here again?”

Namjoon lets out a sigh and reaches from the back of his pants to hand you a simple envelope. You stare at it, blinking.

“If it’s a letter of some sort, you could have simply sent it through the mail, old man.”

“I figured you’d rather keep the envelope as is rather than having words painted on them.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s Jungwon’s.” You freeze and he takes a moment to look at the envelope before beckoning for you to take it once more. “One of the letters was meant for you.”

A letter was written for you? What for?

If Mister Butler had anything to say to you, why didn’t he just speak them to you when he had the chance? Perhaps it’s something secretive that he couldn’t say aloud?

No, can’t be. All his letters were basically his diaries but, why would one of them be addressed to you?

You pull the gloves off your hands, not wanting anything to taint the envelope before taking it from Namjoon. “Did you read it?” You ask and he shakes his head.

“Those are your initials, yes?”

They are.

“The content of the letters addressed to you,” you look back at him, wondering, “what were they about?”

“His daily life. A diary, as you said.”

“He never mentioned anything about what he was doing at the Reaper’s manor in the first place?”

Namjoon shakes his head, a sigh leaving his lips. “Nothing of that sort. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help much with my investigation.”

“Surely your father had some answers.”

“Anything that has to do with my father has already been searched and burned away. None of them ever mentioned anything about my brother. It’s almost as if it disappeared along with him, as if my father knew.”

Did his father get word of Mister Butler’s death? He must have, hence all evidence about what he had done were all destroyed for Namjoon to never find out.

“When did my brother disappear?”

“The eighth of January,” you tell him. “I was nine.” You were hurt that night, severely injured. You don’t remember exactly the events that went by, just the fact that the next thing you knew, you were standing in front of the man you loved so much, staring into his unblinking eyes. “He never said goodbye and after that night, I never saw him again.”

“Something must have happened.”

Yeah, your father killed him and blamed it all on poor little you.

“Well, I have to go now,” you say as you turn around and begin to walk off, “as I said, I’m a pretty busy woman.”

“Y/N if you know anything���”

“I got into an accident that night, Namjoon, so I don’t recall much of what happened.”

“Then those workers—”

“Are dead,” you say. “I killed them all.”

You hear him let out a frustrated sigh. “Honestly, you’re too impulsive. If one of them were still alive, they’d know what happened and have better intel than what we have now.”

“Well,” you shrug, “even if one of them were still alive, those workers didn’t really pay much attention to Mister Butler. To them, he was just another one of them, and if someone disappears out of nowhere, they’d only think what they know.”

Any sane worker would think they’d died at the hands of the leaders of the mafia they’re working in.

In Jungwon’s case, it was exactly that. No exception.

“See ya.”

With that, you walk off without looking back again, the letter tightly grasped in your hand.

.

.

.

You stand alone in the garden of the greenhouse, eyes staring blankly at the red roses right before you. With a white suit on, your overcoat drapes on your shoulder as you cross your arms against your chest, the gloves gone as blood still stains your clothing from your previous endeavor.

You don’t care to clean up just yet.

The rose bushes intrigues you as you stare at them, a reminder of someone you used to know.

“The roses remind me of you, Y/N.”

“...Why is that, sir?”

He lets out an exasperated sigh at the title you call him by, but falls understanding that no matter how much he asks of you, you’d never call him by name. “Is this your way of telling me you don’t wish for a close relationship, my dear?” He asks, a small pout glanced your way. “Despite the fact that we were almost engaged?”

You don’t answer his question, giving him anything but a blank stare. It’s all he’ll ever see from you, all you will ever show him. He will never witness your anger, your sadness, your happiness, or any emotions out of you.

Relationships do not matter to you, after all, he’s just another pawn for your father.

“Why do the roses remind you of me, sir?” You speak as if reading off a script; emotionless, robotic.

His brows furrow slightly but he’s used to this. “You’re pretty and you look innocent and sweet and precious, but anytime anyone tries to get any close to you,” he holds his hand out to caress your cheek, stroking it tenderly with his thumb as he flashes you a small smile, “you will put up a guard and have your thorns protect you. They are your walls, aren’t they?”

“I haven’t hurt you in the slightest, sir.”

He chuckles. “But you resent me, don’t you?”

“I do not hold any feelings towards you.”

“...Right.” He looks down at your figure, the way you sit on the bed obediently, and will not move unless instructed otherwise. You dress in a silky nightgown, one of the straps fallen from your shoulder, and he takes his hand from your face to trace over one of the visible scars held against your skin. You say nothing, you do nothing, and despite his gentle touches, you feel nothing.

He watches you as if trying to monitor your reactions, and when you give him nothing to see, he trails down to your hand and gently takes hold of it.

“You may not hold any feelings towards me but…” he traces the purple ring around your wrist, “you resent my father, do you not?” You say nothing so he goes on. “I may not know you as well as I hope to, Y/N, but even I understand that a lady would never want a man she doesn’t desire to touch her whether in a precious hold or not. You come here, walk into a man’s room whether you like to or not, just like an obedient puppet, and do nothing to go against your father’s words. So whether it’s me touching you or my father…you will not speak up against it.”

So he knew of his father’s doings, yet the closer you watch him, you realize that he’d only learned of that fact recently. Your potential fiance, despite the whole ordeal being to his benefit, has never once taken advantage of you. He holds onto his morals, a man of principles, and when he finds the truth of your relationship with your father, he expresses opposition.

But the two of you are one and the same, living a similar life.

He cannot go against his father, just as you cannot go against yours.

You’re both far too weak against the men of the house.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks, almost a whisper, and you see the way he tries to hold onto his anger for you, the way his hand trembles slightly as he does his best not to hold onto your hand too tight. As if afraid he’d hurt you.

He reminds you of someone, but you don’t wish to remember so you look away, not wanting to see that little spark in his eyes.

“I had no reason to.”

When you say that, he looks back up at you, a flash of hurt and disbelief in his eyes. “No reason?” He scoffs. “You have purple bruises on your wrist and you’re saying you had no reason to tell me these things? My father did this to you, Y/N, and I can only imagine what other horrible things he’s done to you.”

“It doesn’t matter.” You look off to the side, taking your hand from his hold to look out at the window where a bird perches on the tree just outside. “In the end, we can do nothing.”

He hates how right you are, and hates the way you seem to shiver slightly from the cold, goosebumps forming along your skin, yet you say nothing against your pain. You do not care for your well-being, and you guess by now he’s probably realized you’re already broken.

A broken doll for your father to use at his disposal.

You hear him let out a grunt of anger yet when he slips your strap back onto your shoulder and holds the blanket over you, his actions are as gentle towards you as ever.

“When you decide to let your thorns be known to the world, I hope you can come after my father and kill him yourself.” He stands from the bed, going for the door but not before looking back at you for one last thing. “I will wait for you until then.”

How long has it been since you heard those words fall from his lips? It was the last conversation you had with the man, before he went away and did all that he could to drive the relationship between your gang and his to fall apart.

You’re not sure how he did it, but he somehow made it possible for the two of you to never see each other again, and in doing so, saved you from having to see his father ever again.

He was different from Ying, because while Ying always watched you get belittled and hurt and went to console you afterwards, the second he found out the truth, he did all that he could to at least save you from one less burden to carry.

He could do nothing about your father, but he took his father away for your sake.

The roses remind you of him, yet despite the little moments of good memories you have with him, they will always be overshadowed by all the things his father has done to you.

And the longer you stare at the roses, the more you wish to cast the memories away, the more you wish to never remember his face, his voice, and the way he held you.

You feel disgusted.

Perhaps if I touch them…maybe the pain will take over the pain of having to remember him.

You hold your hand out as if in a daze, a chant repeating in your head to try and convince you that marking yourself with physical pain will give you a chance in forgetting the past pains.

Hurt me hurt me hurt me. Let me forget.

You feel your teeth clenching, brows knitted, and just as your hand is about to grab a handful of the rose bush filled with thorns, someone grabs ahold of your hand with a force, stopping you mid-way.

“Please don’t touch the roses, all the plants here are important for the antidotes and poisons we work so hard to create.” It’s Han, one of the young researchers working alongside Yeonjun. He watches over the greenhouse, keeping the plants well-fed and healthy, always holed up in here to help aid the young genius hacker in his researches.

You know just how important each and every plant here are, yet it doesn’t stop you from the hypnotized state you’re in.

You ignore his touch and warning, further hoping to grab a fist full of thorns.

“Boss, please.” Han’s voice fades into the distance as you see nothing but the thorns before you. “Boss-”

“Y/N.”

Someone rips your attention from the flowers, hands held onto both your shoulders, forcing your body to turn their way, and that’s when you seem to come back to your senses.

“..Mingyu.”

“Have tea ready,” your second in command orders to Han, who in turn nods and walks off, knowing Mingyu always knows what to do.

“I’m fine.” You push him off you to turn from the flowers, a bit weak in your legs, and when he sees that, Mingyu reaches out to help you keep steady.

“I guess we have our next target, huh?” One look at you and the flowers and he understands in an instant. “Yuna will be happy.”

“Yuna’s happy with everyone we face.”

“Well,” he shrugs, “can’t really blame her.”

“Forget it,” you begin to walk off without his help, towards the bench just under the wisterias to take your seat. “I don’t want to face them just yet.”

Mingyu watches you with an observing gaze, and when Han returns with the tea, he lets out a sigh when you sip the drink to help you calm your nerves. The more people you go after, the more drained you become, and the more hysterical your state grows. He can’t blame you, after all, these are the people who have done you so wrong in the past, leaving you with scars both physically and mentally.

“Alright,” he says upon your orders when you give him the cup after a good couple of gulps, body laid over to rest your head against the pillow that’s already there for you when you wish to take your afternoon breaks. When your eyes start to droop, he takes a step to the right to block the glaring sun filtering into the greenhouse.

And Mingyu stays there watching after you like a personal knight whose only job is to watch over and protect the princess.

He hates every second of seeing you suffer all alone.

.

.

.

“The longer you keep this up, the harder it’ll be on your body.” When you look up at him from your cup of tea, Namjoon goes on. “Going after the people that’s pissed you off isn’t an easy job. Not only are many of the people that belong to the shadows tough but they do crazy things to one’s mind as well. You’re a victim to the shadows both physically and mentally.”

“Get to the point, Namjoon.”

“You need to slow down, take a break,” he says, “before you break.”

Break.

Hah. What a strange word.

“You needn’t worry about that, I’m already a broken doll.” It’s such a simple sentence that leaves your lips, as if you were speaking about the weather. You show no amount of emotion, eyes as dead as they were the first time he saw you again after ten whole years.

But even then, your ex-lover can see how drained you are by all of these endeavors. You’re stubborn, refusing to admit to the truth, but he knows just how tired you must be both physically and mentally. What if one day you go too far and there’s no one to save you from the drowning?

“I’m serious,” he states against your protest. Namjoon may not understand what happened through the ten years of your disappearance, the extent to which you were hurting, but even he knows just how much it has affected you.

After all, no sweet person can ever turn dark and emotionless without reason.

“I want to get rid of them as soon as possible.” You look up at him from the hood of your lids, taking a sip of the tea that’s been served for you. You were never really one who desired coffee, and ever since Yeonjun joined the gang, all that’s ever helped to calm your nerves were his tea. “You understand how that feels, don’t you?”

Namjoon doesn’t say anything but you can see the answer in his hesitation.

“So whether you want to stop me or not, I’m not going to rest until they’re all dead. I can’t.” Because your body refuses to let you. Each time you rest your eyes, nightmares will plague your thoughts, and unless your Reapers are there to help you through the episodes, you can never calm from the fear.

Everything scares you the more people you face, the world closing in, the walls suffocating you. Every second you face them, it feels as if your lungs are weighed by a heavy boulder, refusing to let you breathe. But you’d rather face these disgusting, vile creatures, than to know that they still live, walking the Earth as if all the things they’ve done to you is something that should not be considered a crime, as if they had simply crushed a bug with their foot.

You hurt from their pains while they hold their heads up, laughing in their own freedom.

You want your own freedom.

You need it, you crave it.

And you can never achieve it unless they’re gone from the torture they do to your head.

“Fine.” Namjoon knows he can’t stop you, so he relents. “Who’s your next target then?”

A man you’ve been avoiding.

You put the teacup down, resting against the chair, and cross a leg over the other. “I’ll need your help again, if you’re up for it.”

“And this is?”

“Ever heard of the Black Rose?”

He thinks over the question, a slight purse of his lips. “Isn’t that the gang that left for London? They were faring well here so no one knows why they left when the streets of London is much harder to gain control of.”

“They left because of me.”

He looks at you, blinking. “What?”

“The son, Hwang Hyunjin and I had somewhat of a relationship,” you explain. “I wouldn’t say we were close nor would I say we were friends but he supported me as a friend would. He cared for me.”

Namjoon’s brows knit in just the slightest way. “If he cared for you, why would he leave Korea?”

“He cared for me, that’s why he left.”

Hyunjin was the only decent human being that did the things he did in a respectable and accurate manner among all the mafiosos you’ve met. Even though you could never escape the abuse and pain, he still did you a favor by getting rid of someone who would have traumatized you even more than the man already had.

“So then, if it isn’t Hyunjin you’re after, who is it?”

“Who else but his father?”

“You’re walking into dangerous territory, Y/N.”

“Isn’t everything we do dangerous?” You flick your hair to lay behind your back, not wanting to back down. “He has more power in London than you but that doesn’t mean you aren’t influential there either. That’s why I need you on this mission. Hyunjin will be on my side, as well as you. I’ll need both of you to take Mr. Hwang down.”

“How are you so sure Hyunjin will be on your side? This is his father we’re talking about.”

“And you understand just how broken that relationship can be in this world.” Because his own father was never one to care for him. “It may be different from yours, Hyunjin and his father trust each other, but at the end of the day, he left Korea all for me.”

He left Korea for you.

Namjoon wonders what sort of relationship the two of you had, and the reason why the Black Rose left for you.

When he stares at you from across the table, he sees the determination in your eyes, as well as the trust you hold for a man he does not personally know. So you do know how to trust people outside your gang after all.

“Fine.” There’s no reason to refuse you. At the end of the day, he still needs intel on his brother.

With a satisfied smile resting on your face, you stand from your seat. “Great. I’ll see you in London next week.”

.

.

.

“You’re planning to what?” Mingyu is quick to look at you with alarm, his expression screaming protest. “Live out the fantasy he so wanted long ago?” He repeats your words with a disbelief scoff. “I’m not letting you do that.”

“You have no right to protest.”

“I’m your underboss, I have every right to protest.”

“Please my lady, can’t you think of something else?” Yuna speaks up, her lips forming into a tight frown when she looks your way.

“This is the only way to take down Hwang Leehyun and you know it,” you say against their dismay, standing firm in on your decision no matter what they say. “That man thrives off control and if I can manipulate him into thinking he can take me, we’ll have our score settled and I’ll have taken another man down. He has no reason to suspect me.”

“And if it breaks you?”

You laugh sarcastically at Mingyu’s words, a dark chuckle leaving your lips. “How do you break again after you’ve already broken? But then again, perhaps you’re right. A broken glass can never mend itself to the way it used to be, the only thing it can do is break even more.”

“Boss—”

“But I don’t care for that,” you cut him off, the only emotions detected in your eyes are filled with rage and anger. “This is the path I’ve chosen for myself, so whether you like it or not, I will never stop until every last one of them are dead. You have chosen to follow me, do so in silence.” 

With that, you turn your back on your Reapers and they know that no matter how against they are with your plans, once your mind is made up, you will never go back on your words.

“And if something goes wrong when I’m with him, I expect you to do nothing.”

You leave them with no room to protest and they can do nothing but watch you from where they stand, a heavy silence hung in the air because they know more than anyone that stopping you is something that can never be done. You live to seek revenge and you will stop at nothing.

Even if that means meeting death on its way.

Even if it will break you even more.

“Boss?” You don’t hear his call even when he runs up to stand before you, an alarming concern marking his features. All you do is stand there, as still as a corpse, with your head lowered and your eyes staring blankly at nothing before you. 

Mingyu sees the state you’re in; dressed in a white silky dress, spaghetti straps hanging off your shoulders, disheveled hair, with possessive markings splattered around your skin.

He can feel his hands trembling into a fist as he holds himself back, knowing that whatever he does, he can never let his anger get the best of him. So he settles with trying to reach out for you. You don’t see him, you feel numb and dull, like a living corpse, but when his hand holds out to touch you,

You flinch.

And Mingyu freezes.

His hand hovers in the air, frozen in time, and no matter what anyone tells him, he wants to storm out here right now and land his fist on the very man that did this to you, no matter the consequences.

But he has to consider the consequences because if he tries to do anything to go up against the people that have done you wrong, you will face the consequences and he knows more than anyone that that must never happen.

He wants to protect you yet why is this the only way he can save you?

Why can’t he do more?

Mingyu balls his hand in the air and settles it back to his side, turning to the Reapers that have come along as he clenches his jaws, keeping his emotions at bay.

“Yuna, Dasom. Get her a blanket, clean her up, and take care of her. Make sure she eats well.”

He only addresses the girls and they know. They know why.

Because normally you would never flinch in the presence of Mingyu. Never.

“Yes, Mingyu.”

“Yes, Mingyu.”

Yuna hurries to grab a soft blanket and drape it over your shoulders, hiding your revealing skin, and the two of them lead you away from the small little group. You follow willingly without protest, as if you can’t even speak, as if your only purpose in this world is to obey and survive.

Right now you cannot make a decision for yourself, right now you’re numb, you’ve locked yourself out from the world, eyes nothing but dull, empty sockets. Right now you are lost.

Lost in your broken, empty mind.

This is your body’s way of protecting yourself.

Yuna turns to Mingyu, her hand held against his shirt to grab his attention, and a tremor falls in her hand as her grip holds tight.

“I want to save her,” she whispers, a voice barely audible but they hear her. It is a wish they all hold dearly in their hearts. “She…she can’t face him again, Mingyu, not in the same way. Or else…or else…”

“She gave us her command, we can’t go against that,” the second in command states, his emotions held back despite it all. “But there are some people who aren’t obligated to go against her.”

“You don’t mean..”

“They’re the only ones we can rely on to bring Y/N back,” he says despite Dasom’s disapproving glare. “At least we can trust in Jung Hoseok, if anyone.”

.

.

.

“I ask that you protect her well.”

Namjoon sits in his chair, a silent stare at the man who bows before him, and when he looks over at Hoseok, the older man just spares him a silent glance, unsure of what was going on as well.

“You don’t think those are the obligations between two allies, do you?”

“I’m serious,” Mingyu says, his words firm and heavy without an ounce of jest in them. “This mission may as well be one of the most difficult ones my boss will have to face, yet I am not allowed to interfere with her plans.”

“And why is that?” Seokjin asks.

“Because she knows that if I were to be there with her, I may as well stop her and in short, ruin the plan of revenge. Whatever you do, do not stop her, however…” he holds his jaw in, fingers held in a tight fist behind him, “save her…if it so gets to that point.”

The man before them is a man who’s been through a lot, who watched over you and cared for you, a man who truly hopes for nothing but the best out of you. He frets over your safety, concern clearly marked on his face, yet as your subordinate, he is obligated to heed your every order.

“If you’re that worried about her, why don’t you try harder to have her revise her plan? Or better yet, persuade her to leave this be?” Namjoon asks, genuinely curious about his strange resolve.

“Because this is the only way I can save her,” Mingyu says, his expression a sharp, piercing seriousness. “She may be impulsive at times, maybe even bloodthirsty and cruel in her ways of only seeking revenge towards the people that have wronged her, but Y/N’s ambition lies in wanting to seek peace. You and I will never understand her heart but she holds her resolves and she holds her morals and I have every intention of giving everything I can to see her ambition come to pass. I believe that is why I follow her. She has saved me so I will do all that I can to save her. And if saving her means stepping back and having you take care of things for the moment…I hold no protest.”

So that’s how it is.

Both Mingyu and the rest of the Reapers refuse to stand in the way of your dreams. They have sworn themselves to you, from whatever point you’ve met and managed to steal their hearts and souls.

You have a way with people. Even back then when you held no ambitions in killing people, the authority you held had never dissipated. There’s something about you that people can never forget, no matter who they are, and you will always leave an impression in the end.

The Reapers now, your Reapers, are different from any other followers they have ever seen before. They heed your every word, holding them as if they were laws of the world, never to go against you, coming to you the instant you call their names. Loyalty means to have full allegiance and faithfulness owned by a duty, a pledge, or a promise. And the Reapers’ loyalty lies much deeper than that. This isn’t just simple loyalty, this is something much deeper than they can ever imagine. 

You saved him, Mingyu stated, which meant you saved the rest of them as well, and in turn, they’ve vowed their lives to you.

“So as someone who cares deeply for Y/N and as people who once held her at the center of the world,” he looks at them with a pointed stare, eyes refusing to look away or even blink, “don’t you think you should at least give her what she deserves?”

What a loyal companion you have.

[lostdreamr-blog1]

The Past Still Haunts Me

Summary: When a hunt his Y/N harder than she thought, a call to a certain hunter is made.  

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Female!reader

Warnings: Language, mentions of abuse, mentions of injury, fluff.

Word Count: 983

Normally after a hunt you feel a sense of accomplishment. Joy even, for taking out something that has the potential to hurt others. But the hunt I finished today left me feeling nothing but dread and loneliness. It was a simple salt and burn that shouldn’t have taken long. A newer hunter probably could’ve gotten it done with minimal issues. But the thing that tripped me up was the damn research. I should’ve taken a page out of Dean’s book and just gone for it once I knew the bare minimum. But no. I dug deeper into what was happening and found out things that will haunt my dreams for months to come. The guy had killed his girlfriend because he thought she was cheating on him. But he didn’t stop there. It was like something in him snapped and he started killing anyone who looked like his dead girlfriend, getting the body count to 8. One of the girls thankfully killed him before he had a chance to, but his spirit was still out there looking for revenge. This case brought me back to a dark time in my life, one that I thought was long behind me. I think many of us have had our share of shitty boyfriends. The ones who seem to have all the power in the relationship. If it wasn’t for that green eyed hunter who saved me all those years ago, I would have been another number like the girls on this case. With that wound reopening, it caused me to hesitate when the spirit charged at me. I could see the hate in his eyes, the same hate I felt for years during that broken relationship. I managed to snap out of it in time to finish the job, but not before he got a good hit in. My ribs were most likely bruised from the impact, but all that mattered was he was gone.

The memories wouldn’t stop flooding my mind as I drove down a random road to lead me out of that town. I could feel panic start to set in and fumbled for my phone to call the only person I knew who could calm me down. It took a few rings, but his rough voice came over the line, “Hello?” “It’s me.” I could hear him let out a deep, “Sweetheart it’s 3 in the morning. Everything okay?” I had to take a deep breath to calm down some, “Just needed to hear your voice.” There was a long pause and when his voice came back over the phone, it sounded more awake. “Where are you?” I had no idea where I was and I’m sure telling him that wouldn’t go over well. I looked for a sign or something and saw one that told me I was in South Dakota. “Somewhere in South Dakota.” I heard him moving around and what sounded like the impala starting. “Can you tell me what happened?” I shook my head as the tears started pooling in my eyes. “I nearly screwed up a salt and burn because of my stupid head.” I heard him whispering to someone, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. “Tell me about the case.” My voice cracked when I said, “He killed his girlfriend and others that looked like her.” An almost inaudible “shit” came over the phone. “Listen to me, sweetheart. I need you to pull the car over and stop driving for me. Can you do that?” I shook my head. I needed to get as far away from that case as possible. “Y/N. Please pull the car over.” His voice almost sounded pleading. Going against everything my body was telling me to do, I pulled the car over on the side of the road. “Okay Dean.” I heard a relived sigh, “Are you hurt at all?” I answered “no” before I could think too much about it. My side was hurting but it wasn’t trying to freak him out more than I already had. “Okay good. Now I want you to listen to me. You saved a lot of lives today and that’s what really matters. All those girls who couldn’t defend themselves are now thankful you came alone. Remember when you were too scared to fight back? Or weren’t strong enough to fend that asshole off? Look at you now. The you back then would be so proud of how far you have come.” Tears were streaming down my face, and I was so lost in his words that I didn’t see the impala pull up in front of me. I jumped when Dean tapped on my window, but quickly opened my door for him. He pulled me out of the car and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me as close as possible to him. The tears turned into sobs, and it felt like my body wanted to shut down. “Shh, sweetheart. I got you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

He let me stay like that until I was calm enough for him to let go. “Let’s get you home.” He put me in the passenger seat of my car, and I looked to him, confused on how he was getting the impala back. “Sam came with me and is going to follow behind us. He is also how I found you.” Even though part of me is mad at how much Sam and his need for research rubbed off on me, I don’t know what I would’ve done if he didn’t find me. “Thank you, Dean. Not just for now but for everything.” He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’ll always be here for you.” I smiled at him and looked out the window. “Can we stop and get pie?” His laugh filled the car making me smile wider, “When is that ever a question?”