#he is the audience insert for the ppl who were here from the start

[kanmom51]

Like Crazy - new insights

*This is a reposting of my latest reblog due to issues with that specific post.

***This has been sitting in my drafts since April 2023!!!

This is the post I reblogged and the basis to my own post.

Yep. I had some of a post written way back in April 2023, but the pieces just didn't come all together for me.

After Muse's release and specifically after the BTB yesterday where JM discussed Who, Muse and the lyrics, we also saw the change made to Who's lyrics from "you" to "she" things started to clear up for me. But then, a friend also shared a picture of the original lyrics of Like Crazy, which were subsequently altered before recording. We discussed these changes and I now feel that this is it! This is the missing piece to my post.

I mostly left what I wrote over a year ago in tact, adding the missing pieces to this puzzle that makes this post with what I feel is a little more insight into Like crazy.

Needless to say, these are my opinions, how I see the lyrics, the ones that made the cut and the ones that stayed in JM's lyrics journal.

So, let's get started:

Here I was thinking I'm the only one who was seeing this...

I do hope I'm reading this right, before going off motormouth about something that maybe isn't what is being said, but to hell with it, this is something I've been thinking too and I'm just gonna come out and say it.

We're all over 18 here right?

This is a subject we can talk about?

The more I listen to this song, the more I think it to be true too.

First of all, before starting off, I want to link this ask:

**Shock and awe... "she" wasn't part of the original lyrics for Like Crazy . Colour me surprised to learn the same is true with Who (even though JM didn't actually write the song himself). Oh, and if we are on that subject already, how not surprising to see the process of writing the song with John Billion, who happens to be one of the writers of SNTY as well (me sitting here thinking of several words and references that could have been somehow suggested and inserted into the song. No idea who (nah, I'm telling lies, I know exactly who). How shocking (NOT) to see that the artist actually had input with the song lyrics of which he is not credited in writing.

Again, the depth of the song, the layers to the song and the multiple interpretations too.

JM told us this song is about him struggling. He told us he was going through a period where he was drinking too much. He was finding fulfillment in ways other than performing, as performing is part of him, he is a performer, someone who needs the stage to express himself. The stage is where he is at peace, the stage being a piece of him that he was missing.

We saw his outburst of emotions in the first day of MOTS ON:E (that was my first experience of BTS and he literally broke my heart - and later seeing him being mocked for it infuriated me).

This was October 2020, around 6 months into the pandemic. The uncertainty. This is their first online performance and from there until Muster another 9 months go by. We know from Festa 2022 that the pandemic screwed up all of their plans. The uncertainty, working on and releasing BE and then Butter and PTD everything leading up to the PTD online concert, a year after MOTS ON:E. For those that performing is their life, standing in front of an audience and giving it their all, it's a hard pill to swallow. The unknown, if they will ever get back to perform on stage in front of a live audience, when this is who they are, their essence, it can be unbearable. JM wasn't the only performer to go through this. It's just that he shared this with us. He showed us his pain and vulnerability and was mocked for it by many. Shame on them!!!

So, again, JM told us with Like Crazy, that he was filling in that hole. Alcohol was mentioned by him specifically. But listening to the song, I think it's quite clear that sex was a very big part of it as well. Looking for that rush, that high. It's clear as day, for me anyway, in the lyrics.

(I think we could last forever I'm afraid that everything will disappear Just trust me)

[Verse 1] She's saying Baby, don't think about it There's not a bad thing here tonight Baby, you can leave it Stay with me until today

[Verse 2] Watch me go Wet me all night (Away) And morning too Don't come if you're drunk

In this loud music It fades me It's a drama-like story I'm get used to it Have you come far to find me that you used to know? Yeah, I know You know, I know (Ooh)

[Chorus] I'd rather be Lost in the lights Lost in the lights I'm outta my mind It holds to the end of this night Every night You spin me up high The moon that embraces you Let me have a taste

[Post-Chorus] Give me a good ride (Oh, I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin') It's gon' be a good night (Oh, I'm fallin') Forever you and I

[Interlude] Mmm-hmm Yeah, hey Mmm-hmm Ooh-woah Mmm-hmm Mmm-hmm (Forever, you and I)

[Verse 3] Me reflects in the mirror I'm going crazy without hesitation I'm feelin' so alive, wasting time

I'd rather be Lost in the lights Lost in the lights I'm outta my mind It holds to the end of this night Every night You spin me up high The moon that embraces you Let me have a taste

[Post-Chorus] Give me a good ride (Oh, I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin') It's gon' be a good night (Oh, I'm fallin') Forever you and I

[Outro] This will break me This is gonna break me (Break me) No, don’t you wake me (Wake me) I wanna stay in this dream, don't save me Don't you try to save me (Save me) I need a way we (Way we) I need a way we can dream on (On, on, on)

Those are the lyrics he recorded.

But you see, there were changes made to the lyrics he was working on originally, and we got to see some of them.

This specifically:

Reading this draft and the final ones there are a few things that just fall into place for me (and I'd think for anyone that reads them), loud and clear:

First of all, obviously JM is singing about drinking too much alcohol. If the final lyrics hinted to losing himself in alcohol, the draft lyrics are ever so clear regarding that point.

Second of all, the sex. I think JM was pretty straight forward using the wording he was using. "Give me a good ride" can be other things, if you twist it around to try and explain it away, but bottom line, those lines within the context of the lines in the draft, like "just go turn off the light, you and me..." not to mention the whole chorus, to me the reference is obvious.

Next, I talked about the many references to JK in this song in this post:

This is all also relevant when it comes to my next point being the fact that to me it's clear that JM wrote this song referencing a special someone with whom he shares a high level of intimacy. A special someone that was there by his side when JM was struggling. A special someone that was struggling seeing JM going through everything he was.

To that person JM wrote (in the draft): "oh baby don't you cry, just wanna see your smile..."

These lines, they were too much. Too obvious. Too intimate. And they were left out probably because of just that.

So JM went with other lines. A little less obvious perhaps, and yet still very telling. The finale of the song:

No, don’t you wake me (Wake me) I wanna stay in this dream, don't save me Don't you try to save me (Save me) I need a way we (Way we) I need a way we can dream on (On, on, on)

Now, you could claim that the song is about an inner struggle. JM struggling with himself, talking to himself, and yes, that could very much be part of the message JM, the king of layering, is going for. But see, that's exactly the point. JM is the king of layering, of having several meanings and messages within his lyrics and creations. And this is not different. There is no mistaking the reference to another person, not JM himself, in the lyrics. The way he uses the "you" in the lyrics, at times could pass as you being the alcohol, at times the you being himself in the mirror, but at times it's clearly a third party he is talking to. Especially in that finale to the song, that someone that wants to lift him out of that stupor he is in, to wake him up, to save him, when he is unwilling, not ready to accept that help just yet (same person he asks not to cry, knowing that he is making them sad). There are also the clear JK references in this song. The "you are me I am you" being the loudest of them all.

But JM being JM, he showed us in his own way what this song was about, opening up and allowing us to see his drafts.

And then he gave us Letter. Hidden, and private and intimate. Addressed not to us, but to that person that was always there by his side, that person he addresses in Like Crazy telling him "forever you and I". Now, in Letter, being in a better, healthier place, he can repeat the sentiment of them together forever. A sentiment JK had mentioned in the past (omg, that was so very awkward).

And now using lines like : "I sincerely hope we are forever" and "But don’t forget that we’re always together"...

The lyrics, the sentiments, the drafted lyrics that never made it, like the use of "Dangshin", I have talked about it all. Letter was for JK. Period.

When seeing Like Crazy again, the lyrics, the struggle, the person by his side, the intimacy, and Letter, I'm kind of thinking that not only is Letter a love ode to JK. That is stating the obvious. But it's also JM's acknowledgement and thank you to that person that stood by his side in his most difficult of times.

JK.

Bottom line:

Like crazy is about JM struggling and self medicating with alcohol and sex.

It's personal about himself, his struggles, but also includes a person that is there by his side, one he is highly intimate with, one who is there with him together. That person is there, spending the nights with him, in that escape world JM created for himself. Sad seeing JM struggle, trying to find a way to help JM out of that pit but being unable to do so, staying by JM's side all the same.

We know who that person is.

Same person he addresses Letter to.

[consultingfujoshi]

this might be a silly thing to thank someone for but you got me into ofmd before episodes 7 and 8 and i cannot thank you enough for that because i got to create my own understanding of the show before it had a huge fandom which is an experience that can’t be valued enough

GOD NO SERIOUSLY I get what u mean. I mean this in the least gatekeepy way possible but honestly I think a fundamental part of the ofmd experience was watching the episodes after they dropped in real time at 7am every thursday fr. fans who got into it after the whole season was already out will never understand the experience of rewatching the you wear fine things well scene over and over trying to figure out if you just saw what you think you saw or if you're being queerbaited harder than you ever have in your entire life, the world-shaking clarity of having that scene finally be put in context after the finale, spending a week working ourselves into a frenzy trying to dissect the trailer for the finale, scaring the absolute shit out of each other with the batshit theories.... and thats honestly so sad. that some people never got to feel the euphoria of watching The Kiss in real time having no idea it was coming. nothing can ever replicate that feeling of sitting in live chat with 100 other people and collectively losing our minds so hard we almost crashed our discord server. one of the most thrilling moments of my entire life I wouldnt trade it for anything

[toiletguy04]

I think people should read this especially in this mainstream fandom where internalized or even blatant homophobia are still somehow relevant. Basically the vid talks a lot about capitalism towards queer people which includes "Queerbaiting" and how it runs in the show to loot on gay ppl.

It's real tho, people have been calling Bylers delusional because we're apparently making Mike gay even though he's "straight" as if an obvious subtext that can be seen throughout the whole series isn't real. I'm not saying it's intentional, probably a little, but I'm sure it's 100% implied since one character (Will) has already been identified gay. We need to see Mike and Will romantically for us to establish Will's lovely admiration for Mike. However, in doing so, we can also see how much they made Mike care so much about Will and the complete contrast of it from the main "straight couple" melvin. You can't even deny it. It's always parallel. The Byler rain fight vs the "I dump your ass" melvin breakup. The "You care but you don't love me anymore?" "Who said I didn't?" Vs the "It's hawkins, it's not the same without you". Like somehow, Mike is always torn between the two. And if all of them were only for Will's own romantic "unrequited" plotline, then I can see it. But the problem is how it affected the main couple. Cause if they're planning on making them the "end game", then the byler bits shouldn't be as special as that, but based on their— god forbid— heart to heart sceneSSS and tender emotional musics, which happened more than once btw (*insert homophobic dog stare*) it's almost as if they're selling Byler to the audience. Like "Here, Will is beautifully in love with Mike and we can see how different Mike is with Will than with El and also did you see how selflessly Will gave up his love for Mike just so he and Eleven can get back together? 🥺". Tell me I'm wrong. I also saw a tiktok once explaining why we loved Will despite his little appearance in the first season. The person said that we were unknowingly drawn to Will because the Duffers established his character from the very start as this honest quiet kid who cannot lie "It's seven, the demogorgon, it got me ", it got us rooting for him. That's the first thought that came in my head during the van scene. Will's selflessness got us bawling our eyes out because he literally helped rebuild Melvin. And even though it's heartbreaking, it gave us more reason to love Will Byers. The question is... for what?

Now, realistically (the most realistic aka society-approved outcome I can think of), Byler won't happen. Since the duffer bros also stated they won't be focusing on their character's lovelife for s5 hence it was all cramped during the last volume. Will's "ripping off the bandaid" (although the script was apparently fake, the possibility of Will really letting go of Mike can still be real), Mike finally saying I Love you. But if they're not planning on making it endgame then it's pure... bullshit? Like what do you mean? You're going to leave us broken over Will's unrequited love? Eleven's indifference during the last episode was because of nothing? Obviously there's something MORE.

If you really think about it, they could've ended the episode with a more clear path on where they're planning to steer their character for the next season. Watch Will looking at them from afar as Mike and El hold hands like THE REST OF THE COUPLES. Because isn't that what they're supposedly trying to show us because of the Van scene and Mike's monologue? Melvin endgame, Will sad gay pining. Shouldn't El and Mike be unbearably sappy comforting each other because they love each other and no matter what happens, Mike would always be with her because he "loves" her and he's scared to lose her especially since he was so close to also losing El back there? But why didn't they? It's so easy to just simply show us that Melvin is happy, Will is happy for them if they won't be focusing on their character's lovelife for the next season? But they didn't?

It was left open-ended, Mike and Will at the end, El ahead of them, flowers decaying, the Hawkins' downfall, the subtext, the implications, you can't blame Bylers if we believe it'll be endgame because that ending was SERVED in front of us. The potential, the possibility, that at this point if all those evidences or subtexts were for nothing then what was that for? "Queerbaiting"? Wasted potential? Shitty writing?

Idk dude but one thing's for sure, we ain't delusional for reading into the subtext, for eating up the possibility of byler endgame. I honestly dk what the duffers are planning about the romantic plotlines of their characters but there's also a possibility they would break everyone up. Specially since Finn also stated something about leaving hawkins and such. But as I see it, I think Melvin would indeed breakup, and Byler won't get together BUT I believe they'll be HEAVILY implied in the last episode (maybe, hopefully). I mean, there are huge confrontations that'll happen specially with Will's lie alshxjshsjd I believe they wouldn't just... leave it there? 🤭 But yeah, idk, the duffer bro somehow still manages to surprise (or sometimes disappoint honestly) me everytime so 😔

Anyways yeah, that was so long, just venting cause I'm tired of people saying we're wrong and weird for making everyone gay as if it's our fault it was implied like, you really think we would be hellbent on proving a character is gay if they're straight just for fun??? 😭 Make it make sense??? Anyways bye, byler canon period.

[i-want-my-iwtv]

I hope the rumours of Louis being a brothel owner aren't true, but if they are I can sort of see why they're going for this route? I mean, with a black Louis they can't have him being a slaver anymore, so maybe they're trying to find something that is also morally reprehensible for him to be.

TL;DR: My kneejerk reaction was to be saddened, and I don’t like that this is starting up, and will continue to fuel, fandom drama. Ultimately, if we want peace, we’ll embrace the fact that the existence of this adaptation doesn’t take away from the existence of the books, and it also doesn't mean we have to acknowledge it.

It makes me wonder whether AMC wants us to make a storm about this. We’ll see...

After all, what makes this adaptation any more important than the graphic novels of the ’90s, the graphic novel Claudia’s Story, movie!IWTV, or movie!QOTD? In fact, many fans here on tumblr consider VC to be a trilogy only!!! and don’t accept the majority of the PUBLISHED CANON so what makes anyone think we have any obligation to swallow this AMC adaptation as some kind of gospel?

I see movie!QOTD as a buffet of ideas carried in an official fanfiction work, and I don’t accept as my headcanon the various things it changed about the books that I didn’t particularly like, such as merging Magnus and Marius (which, IMO, effectively made both characters more morally reprehensible). I accepted the things I did enjoy, like casting a Black/POC actress to play Akasha. I see this AMC adaptation as a buffet of ideas, some can be taken, and some not, it’s just another official fanfiction work.

[Anon, I need to catch other ppl up on the information, too.]

Deadline.com informs us that in the AMC adaptation for Interview with the Vampire, Jacob Anderson has been cast as Louis. I'm not familiar with him, but it looks like he’s a successful actor, from Game of Thrones and other things, he’s also joining Series 13 of Doctor Who. I’ll have to check him out from an acting standpoint!

Aside from his talent as an actor, this is by far the most controversial thing that's happened in VC fandom recently. I've been thinking about this for a few months now, talking about it privately online and offline, still gathering my thoughts. So this post is not engraved in stone, it’s initial thoughts on this.

I’m glad to see ppl talking about it and I’m sure we’ll have more public discussions. I’m trying to discuss it very carefully, but also, this is an entertainment blog, my opinions are mine alone, and I’m not looking for dogpiling on anyone, I have no obligation to respond publicly or privately to anything. Plenty of other ppl have differing opinions on this. So take all of the following with more than a grain of salt, I’m not being salty, I’m providing the links to the little info we’ve seen pulicly, I’m giving my initial thoughts, and I’m also trying to add a little levity because ultimately, again, this is an entertainment blog, and I try to add a little humor to help with such serious topics, humor can help ppl talk about controversial things.

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The casting of a POC/Black actor (I’m sorry I don't know the preferred terminology, let me know if you know what Anderson prefers) confirms at least one part of theilluminerdi articles that stated that Louis’ race will be different from the books. I didn’t post about these before bc I wasn’t sure how reliable theilluminerdi’s sources are (and I'm still not sure), but this was one major aspect that theilluminerdi announced before Deadline did, so now seems to be the right time to share those articles. For now, you can go check them out yourselves rather than have my reposting of the information, trigger warning: mentions of sex workers and race in the changes to the canon story of Interview with the Vampire.

>>>theilluminerdi articles from May 21, 2021 and July 15, 2021:

www.theilluminerdi.com/2021/05/21/interview-with-the-vampire-amc

www.theilluminerdi.com/2021/07/15/interview-with-the-vampire-amc-2

^Meme of Dr. Ian Malcom from Jurassic Park reads: “Your writers were so preoccupied with whether they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.”

I’m using that meme with a little levity here, clearly an AMC adaptation of vampires in which the producers/writers have chosen to change the race of a main character (arguably the original protagonist of the series) isn’t in the same VICINITY as the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park that broke out of containment and killed visitors to the park, but John Hammond’s intention for the creation of that park was very good, as I assume this race change was intended. Time will tell.

“But with this place, I wanted to show them something that wasn't an illusion. Something that was real, something that they could see and touch. An aim not devoid of merit.”

“Creation is an act of sheer will.” 

- John Hammond, Jurassic Park

Race is a more complicated subject than ever, so for AMC to make this bold change, I hope they have POC and Black writers on staff and are handling this very carefully. Even then, no racial group, including POC and Black people, are a hivemind, disagreements are bound to happen in the writing room, whether in good faith or bad. People have different intentions and motives, compromises will probably be made with the story in many ways, we all know how it goes with collaborations; the end product is a shared vision among multiple creators. This could be a potentially controversial adaptation, I don’t know whether they’re aiming for that or not, but with the elements it has so far, it seems to be headed that way.

Here's a comment by "Angellus" on the 5/21 article. It's undeniable that there's going to be the accusation of racism thrown at anyone who has any negative view of this change, regardless of their reasons. I find it unfair and narrow-minded that any negative response is automatically assumed to be coming from a racist point of view. To say that changing Louis' race is unequivocally an improvement fails to take into account how that change has a Domino effect on all of the other parts of the story. Not the least of which is that, if he is still a slaver/slave holder/plantation owner/(insert your preferred term) that adds a whole new racist element to his owning Black/POC people, even though, apparently there were Black/POC plantation owners. 

Not the least of which: How will this change impact his relationship with Lestat? Particularly when Lestat has the added issue of being described in those articles as having “mind control abilities” and “insistent that he gets what he wants and when facing rejection,” a terrible combination in terms of consent, even in a relationship of the same race, let alone invoking Caucasian/white dominance over Black/POC people, AND Lestat being the catalyst to Louis’ questioning his sexuality:

Lestat is insistent that he gets what he wants and when facing rejection, petulance can quickly turn to ruthless rage which causes frenzied acts of horrifically brutal violence. Lestat also has mind control abilities. Lestat initially infuriates Louis, but this soon turns to fascination which leads Louis to question his religion and sexuality. 

^Screencap reads: "I love how racist everyone is in the damn comments, this doesn’t pervert the story you’re all racist and it’s disgusting. I’m looking forward to it, I hope you keep crying your salty racist tears asswipes."

It makes me question whether Angellus truly believes what they wrote, if this is an ideology, or a troll. I would suggest their use of the term “pervert” is correct though, pervert means: “alter (something) from its original course, meaning, or state to a distortion or corruption of what was first intended.” That’s what this race change does, factually. Although, in this context, “distortion or corruption” carries a negative connotation. It would take a lot to show how this change does not meet the definition or “to pervert,” though.

I hope the rumours of Louis being a brothel owner aren't true

I agree 1,000%, I was hoping that these were just rumors. But, aside from the race change, if this were the only change, I find Louis being a brothel owner to be equivalently morally reprehensible to being a slaver/slave holder/plantation owner/(insert your preferred term). Ideally, they’d change his career to something that doesn’t involve benefiting from the bodies/labor of others in any morally reprehensible manner.

I mean, with a black Louis they can't have him being a slaver anymore, so maybe they're trying to find something that is also morally reprehensible for him to be.

He might still be a slaver. Who knows. Being morally reprehensible as a mortal man didn’t seem to me to be crucial to the story, but they still could have chosen something better. It seems to me like they want a brothel so they can have eye candy for an audience who want to see sex workers, maybe full frontal nudity. 

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What also gets my attention is that Anne and Christopher Rice have not yet posted publicly about it, which leads me to believe that this change wasn’t their choice. They take every chance to brag when they’re proud of something, every chance to crowdsource about casting ideas or which VC books Anne’s fans liked best, etc., and in this case, as of Aug. 31, 2021, (and to be fair, maybe I missed it), I haven’t seen either of them post about this on the official VC FB, Anne Rice’s FB, Annerice.com, Christopher Rice’s FB, or christopherricebooks.com. If it had been their choice, I think they would have gladly trumpeted their credit by now, but maybe they’re waiting to do it in a specific venue. Time will tell.

[kingofthewilderwest]

"#just because you have a bias about certain socioeconomic groups which tend to listen to country doesn't mean" // Yup. I tend to side-eye folks who are like "I like all kinds of music except country and [Insert a genre of music usually associated with Black creators like rap and hip hop]" You're not slick, ppl. I know what you're saying.

^^^^^^^^^ You hit the nail on the head.

It’s racial bias. It’s socioeconomic bias. It’s bias against people groups who have less respect and say in society.

From my tags on this post:

#don’t get me started on a long rant of the progressive side of country music and what’s been progressive FOR DECADES#from times near its BEGINNInGS#through the modern age#just because you have a bias about certain socioeconomic groups which tend to listen to country doesn’t mean#that that’s actually what the genre is or who the artists are#I could go for a LONNNNG time about this#a LONG time#some of the best protest songs I know of today’s current political situation#are country#or have like ya’ll forgotten about the folk revival#of the 1960s#or…#gahghfnfddhgnghfngh#I AM GAY AND I LISTEN TO COUNTRY#NYEH!!!!

Now. I understand disinterest in a genre because it’s not your aesthetic, but when people express their feelings for country, R&B, hip-hop, etc. …the dialogue isn’t casual “It’s not my thing.” The dialogue is a hateful, passionate retaliation.

Other genres aren’t treated like this. It’s normalized and encouraged to hate on country and rap. These genres are systematically treated with less respect and that disrespect culturally arose because these genres are associated with less-respected demographics. 

(Country music is associated with people of low socioeconomic status, for people who aren’t explicitly aware.)

Anecdotally: I’ve caught something interesting about anti-country music sentiment. Many people tell me they can’t stand the “twang.” Half the time, I’ve noticed that their internalized definition of “twang” isn’t the vocal technique; it’s that they can’t stand the presence of a Southern accent. And hooboy does that have TONS of sociocultural bias issues. As a linguist, I’ve read endless sociolinguistic studies about how Southern dialects are treated as “lesser,” and how speakers of the dialect are automatically judged to be less intelligent, etc. It’s not good, folks.

Sometimes, to help friends get out of their anti-country mindset, I’ve “tricked” them into liking country. See, genres like bluegrass grew closely out of Scots-Irish folk music. Often, we’re playing the same tunes on both sides of the Atlantic. So I play a few instrumentals, my friend goes, “Oh! I love Celtic music

The biases against those demographics color how people view the music. There’s endless things that can be said about hip-hop bias, holy shit. I won’t focus on that today because I don’t believe I am qualified to be a spokesman. Someone who understands that genre better, and other genres associated with the African-American community, and is African-American, would be a better human to listen to than me. I defer to their knowledge and experience. It’s hella important to understand what bias has been reflected against those genres.

But there’s just as much bias against country music, against another demographic. And I’ve found it wild how it gets treated on places like tumblr, which wants to stand up for underprivileged groups, but somewhat inaccurately associates country music as “anti-gay conservative evil white person music” rather than music of people historically of lower socioeconomic status.

Yes, some of the demographic that listens to country music or plays country music are bad apples. But like… thinking the music is JUST THAT is a huge disservice to what country actually is and who the music artists actually are.

The history of country music is one giant collaborative melting pot of people from many different cultural backgrounds. Broad West African influence. Mexican influence. Italian influence. German influence. Scots-Irish influence. Cherokee influence. More. Early record labels like OKEH foolishly separated “hillbilly music” (presumably white folk music) from “rhythm and blues” (presumably Black folk music) without understanding the constant racial, demographic, regional, and cultural cross-pollination that occurred between the musicians from country music’s origins. And while there ARE certain issues in country music’s past and present, and we can’t let those issues go forgotten, that’s far from the whole story. We shouldn’t romanticize issues, but we should acknowledge that this music genre has given us major strides too.

Country music is the banjo, brought from Africa, combined with the mandolin, brought from Italy, combined with the fiddle, brought from Ireland, combined with the guitar and the dobro and the accordion and the upright bass and the electric guitar and the electric bass and whatever instruments you want to put in there.

Country music is African-American musicians like DeFord Bailey, the first radio star ever introduced on the Grand Ole Opry (THE most revered country music hub out there), blues harmonica performer, playing to crowds decades before segregation was de-legalized. He toured with white Opry musicians who treated him as one of their own. It’s soul music genre pioneer Ray Charles producing a studio album entirely dedicated to country music hits like “Hey Good Lookin’” from Hank Williams. It’s country star Charley Pride, who despite the racism against him in the 1960s rose to fame and made audiences fall in love with his beautiful voice. It’s the African-American musicians who inspired many commercial country stars, like Arnold Shultz influencing Bill Monroe and the railroad workers inspiring Jimmie Rodgers.

Country music is stars like Johnny Rodriguez and Rick Treviño, singing country music in Spanish, and using obvious Latin flavors in the genre.

Country music is filled with badass women like the ladies who STARTED THE GENRE ROLLING IN THE FIRST PLACE, Sara Carter and Mother Maybelle Carter (whose guitar style is hugely influential to this day) and Maybelle’s daughters Helen, June, and Anita; the first female music manager in the music industry, Louise Scruggs; songwriters like Felice Bryant and Loretta Lynn; the most awarded female artist in Grammy history Alison Krauss; and powerhouses like Dolly Parton who stepped out of an over-controlling entertainer’s shadow to become a badass in all things like supporting the LGBTQ community, contributing to pro-transgender films ahead of their time, and starring in sex worker positive productions like “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.”

Country music is filled with activism. Johnny Cash showed a heart for those forgotten by society. He toured many times in prisons. Cash especially was an activist for Native American rights. He toured with Native American songwriters so audiences could hear their own words (I’ve been trying to find names but I’m having difficulties re-finding that information, so my apologies for not giving names of those who deserve to be mentioned). Cash released albums dedicated to exposing past and present injustices against the Native American people. He went on tours specifically to Native American reservations. 

And it’s not just Johnny Cash!

Country music is many stars from the Grand Ole Opry banding together to release AIDS benefit albums - big names like Alison Krauss, Willie Nelson, Marty Stuart, aurgh I’m too lazy to write them all, PEOPLE.

Country music is Earl Scruggs and his sons playing at the Vietnam War Protests.

Country music is tied in with the fucking folk revival of the 1960s, which was deep in left-wing activism and the Civil Rights Movement. Folk singers sang traditional Appalachian and English ballads alongside their own compositions, topical pieces protesting the current political situation. You can call one artist “folk” or “Americana” and another one “country,” but the influences were intermingling, and it’s why we have Bob Dylan and Woody Guthrie and Joan Baez and John Denver and Pete Seeger owning a banjo that says, “This machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender.”

Dammit, I have a full BOOK that discusses country music and political ties. 

There’s another book out there, which I haven’t read, that discusses the relationship between country music and the queer community, and how bias against country music is NOT as reflective of the listening demographic as we stereotype. I’ll take the word of one reviewer who said:

[Nadine Hubbs] explores country music lyrics, presenting a great deal of evidence suggesting that working class America is not inherently homophobic, but that as middle class cultural taste has changed to include formal acceptance of homosexuality, this process has included pinning homophobic ideas on the working class.

Country music is lyrics like this 1975 controversial song “The Pill”:

You wined me and dined meWhen I was your girlPromised if I’d be your wifeYou’d show me the worldBut all I’ve seen of this old worldIs a bed and a doctor billI’m tearing down your brooder house‘Cause now I’ve got the pillAll these years I’ve stayed at homeWhile you had all your funAnd every year that’s gone byAnother baby’s comeThere’s a-gonna be some changes madeRight here on nursery hillYou’ve set this chicken your last time‘Cause now I’ve got the pill

Country music is lyrics like this 2013 song that feels as relevant than ever:

If crooks are in charge, should we let them pick our pockets?If we don’t want trouble, should we not try to stop it?We could just sink into the quicksand slavery we’re born inBut fighting endless wars for greedy liars is getting pretty boringThey think they got us trained, so we’ll think we’re living freeIf we got time and money for junk food and TVBut it’s plain honest people never stand a chance of winning electionsThey just let us pick which liars take our rights away for our own protectionThe corporate propaganda paralyzes us with fearDestroying our ability to trustFear keeps us fighting with each other over scrapsStarving to death in the dustOrganized religion really helps you submitBut the meek are inheriting the short end of the stickFear surrounds compassion like a layer of moldAnd weakens our defenses so we’re too weak to be boldLife could be heaven, but this corrupted systemTakes away our rights, expects us not to miss themThe middle class is shrinking while the lower class growsIf we don’t wake up soon, we’ll have no class left to lose

Country music is Christians themselves criticizing the hypocritical Evangelical culture in the USA for the bullshit hatefulness stewing inside it:

Every house has got a Bible and a loaded gunWe got preachers and politicians‘Round here it’s kinda hard to tell which oneIs gonna do more talkin’ with a crooked tongue

And as that one post I just reblogged shows, there’s MANY queer country musicians out there producing explicitly pro-LGBTQ+ music.

I’m brushing over so much. I’m sorry for the simplification that goes with me doing such a pass-by overview. I’m sorry I’m focusing more on history than the present (I know more about the 1920s-1960s eras, so I’m talking from my strong suit). I hope the information is at least strong enough to get my point across.

There are definitely listeners and artists in country music who are uber-conservative white hateful Christians. Yes. I know why country music gets associated with that. But.

Country music is not ABOUT this uber-conservative white hateful Christian side. The genre is not “polluted”. It is a thousand voices from a thousand perspectives of people from many backgrounds and beliefs. And many of those thousand voices are old traditional songs that came from Black communities, or were composed by Mexican-Americans, or were performed by folk artists as part of a protest for equal rights. 

(Note: I’m *NOT* saying all Christians are bad or that different political angles don’t have merits. I’m Christian myself! And you don’t know my political party. I’m just trying to get the point across that country music isn’t ENTRENCHED in one questionable demographic.)

You don’t have to like country music. It doesn’t have to be your aesthetic. But if you find it fun to get in on society’s popular country hate roasting… please rethink this. The reason country music has been hated from its roots is because it’s associated with the socioeconomically disadvantaged.

I’m with you 100%, Ashley. When someone says they like all genres “except country music and rap,” I get a little leery. I used to be one of those people when I was younger. I had to learn to grow past those biases. But once I did, I realized there was so much I was hating on that I didn’t understand. Now, I hope I can help people overcome their own biases, such as ones they don’t realize they’ve had - for things like music.

Hi ya’lls. I’m queer and I love country.

P.S. If anyone has anything to add or correct, please feel free to add on! I’m doing my best but I do not know everything and would be happy to learn more, too!

[taleslations]

ToX2 behind-the-scenes info

People have been wondering about the decisions behind Xillia 2’s creation, so I have compiled information found in guides and interviews. No straight-up translation because that’s too tedious, just an info dump.

X1&2 Spoilers below.

From the Complete Guide interviews

Producer & Director – Baba & Anabuki

[Note: Anabuki worked on S, A and V’s development. He was the main planner for V 360 and did some directing for the PS3 ver. He was part of the battle system team in X1, and became the director for X2.]

Reasons for making a sequel

·         Fans had often said they wanted sequels in past questionnaires

·         Xillia was the 15th anniversary and they’d created a very detailed setting they wanted to re-explore

·         Wanted to expand on Elympios with an Elympion main character

·         Felt it was a waste to use the characters in only one game

·         Feels it kind of started when people said it would be fun to play as Gaius and Muzét

On what changed and what didn’t

·         They wanted to keep the old characters

·         Since the setting was more or less the same (tho with more focus on Elympios), they decided to build the game’s identity on its mechanics (see below)

·         Game mechanics changed a lot, with the introduction of the debt system, fixed parties, chromatus ability and choices

·         Setting is more modern

How the debt system came to be

·         Because ppl Ludger’s age worry about money

·         They wanted to have Ludger burdened by something

·         20,000,000 gald bc that’s the kind of sum that modern day salarymen could borrow. It’s a huge sum but not impossible to pay back if you work hard

The choice system

·         Because part of being an adult is making choices

·         Sometimes there are choices you don’t want to make but you have to (exemplified by having to destroy fractured dimensions)

Okumura as main character designer

·         Because since this wasn’t a game with two protagonists, they couldn’t ask both Fujishima and Inomata like last time

·         Since Ludger’s kind of a player self-insert, his design would be tricky, so it’d be easier with someone from within the studio

·         Okumura’s been working on Tales designs since Eternia (mainly for minor character) and his talent shone when he designed the Chimeriad, so they weren’t worried

Why the heroine is 8

·         They wanted her to be someone you’d strongly want to protect (working toward the last choice)

·         It wouldn’t work if it was a strong heroine who fought alongside you like in past titles

·         Yamamoto wanted her to be a girl because “I’d want to protect a little girl more than a little boy”

·         If she can’t participate in battles, it’s easier to remove her from the party for plot reasons (can’t have a fighting heroine kidnapped by the last boss for gameplay reasons)

·         (When she’s out of the party) Wanted to make players feel her absence in anticipation to the last choice

On Ludger’s various fighting styles

·         Baba wanted a sort of style shift like in Graces

·         Since he was a new protagonist, they wanted to introduce something that wasn’t in the original Xillia

·         Chromatus was Anabuki’s idea, because he likes transformations

·         People who played the first game probably have attachment to the old characters, but since Ludger’s the protag here, they wanted to make him stand out more

·         Staff got angry at Baba because that meant they basically had to program three characters in one XD

On Ludger’s silence

·         They wanted him to be a self-insert to the player

·         Plus it makes the one scene where he speaks more meaningful

·         They added the voiced lines option as NG+ bonus for those who like voices

·         Reason they didn’t make that option available on first playthrough was they wanted to get their message across/wanted players to see what they were aiming for, which wouldn’t be possible if players could skip the voiceless aspect from the start

About Gaius and Muzét

·         It was hard to include Gaius because he’s supposed to be super strong

·         Also because he’s the type to handle things himself before the protag has a chance to. But since this was Ludger’s story, they had to sideline him

·         They wanted to give him an ability like Vesperia’s fatal strikes, but that would make him too strong, so they had to tone it down

·         Muzét’s a good middle-range character. She’s weak if you get past her guard, so she has the ability to move out of range quickly

About the endings

·         The first scenario they came up with was the one where Ludger disappears, but since they implemented the choice system they wanted the game to have an important choice at the end, hence the creation of other endings

Discarded ideas

·         Fractured Milla with short hair (discarded because they didn’t want ppl to realize immediately from promotion images that she was a different Milla, and also bc they didn’t think Milla was the type to cut her hair short since she doesn’t care much about her appearance)

·         Otoh, something they hadn’t planned on: character models. They were originally just a way for the motion team to test things, but since it was fun they decided to include it in the game

Any chance for another sequel or anime adaptation?

·         Nope on sequel, as they think that world’s story is over

·         They’d like an anime or other media adaptations, but there’s no plans for it

 Battle team – Fukuie, Yamase & Takizawa

[Fukuie was responsible for battle planning, various mechanics and linked artes; Yamase was the battle programmer (worked on Ludger’s artes and on mystic artes in particular); and Takizawa was battle program support (enemy artes and mystic artes, effects etc)]

What was kept from the original and what’s new

·         Linked artes were an essential part of the original so it was kept. They thought of modifying it but since it was popular they decided not to and simply make it easier to use

·         They gave spellcasters some more melee artes

Anabuki’s influence

·         Anabuki wanted more event battles so they added a lot

·         He’s also responsible for having them end the final fight with a mystic arte & cut-in

Ludger

·         They made bosses stronger because Ludger is really powerful

·         Elite monsters weak spots were inspired by Vesperia’s secret missions system

·         Implementing Ludger’s three fighting styles was apparently tricky with the tight schedule they had, so they asked for something else, but they went back to the first idea eventually

·         Example of other idea: giving him the fighting styles of the old characters. But that would cause problems if they simply copied the motions (they cited Elize’s posture, which would look weird on Ludger)

·         The scenario team asked that Ludger use both hands for each weapon style

Chromatus

·         The transformation part came mainly from the scenario team – someone said they wanted the image of a dark hero and someone else replied “then they should have a transformation.” The battle team was like “but he already has three fighting styles!”

·         At first the transformed state was less useful than fighting normally, so they removed staggering when transformed but added a time limit

Other characters

·         Anabuki wanted Gaius to be strong since he was the previous game’s last boss, but simply making him stronger than the rest would break the balance

·         There was a lot of arguing about his special ability

·         They also had a lot of ideas about Muzét but settled for emergency wrap because she can fly around freely

·         They increased the speed at which Rowen threw knives to make him less defenseless

Trivia

They picked Cless and Stahn as cameo because they were cameo costumes in the first game; then they added Mint and Rutee

They like the cameo ending, they feel it’s like a 4koma

At the beginning, the animation team made an animation of Ludger prostrating himself, but it wasn’t used. There’s always a number of gestures that don’t make it into the final product

Takizawa cleared everything on Unknown

 Scenario team – Yamamoto, Hasegawa & Hori

[Note: Yamamoto was the main scenario writer of X2 (as well as H, Z and B); in X1 he worked on sub events]

Settings

·         They picked the story of Maxwell and Kresnik from the first game and developed it further as a base for X2

·         They were careful not to make it look like the previous game’s story wasn’t complete or to make it sound like the previous game’s conflict was lighter than the sequel’s

·         There was a request from the planning team to make up a different system, so that’s how they came up with the choice system and having the protag be a player self-insert

·         However, leaving him without expression or personality would be too un-Tales-like, so that’s how he ended up like he is in the game

·         It was decided from the start to change the protag because Jude and Milla’s story was over

·         Since the first game was heavily focused on Rieze Maxia, they made this game from the pov of Elympios

On separating main story and character episodes

·         Part of the new system idea

·         You get to know the characters more in their chara eps and that can influence the main story a bit

·         They’d planned on adding bonus scenes from the start; they added more than expected

Fractured dimensions

·         Represent the power of choice (as they show how history would be if different choices had been made)

·         Also as a way to catch X1 players’ interest

·         Yamamoto’s favorite FD is Victor’s dimension because it’s full of suspense; in chara eps it’s the one with Nachtigal. Hori’s were the ones with the Chimeriad because he had wanted them to survive so that was a way to see them again. Hasegawa’s were the ones in Leia’s and Alvin’s chara eps.

·         They redid Leia’s episode entirely, giving a bigger role to her boss as a result

·         The target audience for X2 is a bit older than X1, so that’s why they show stuff like relationships between boss and employee, it adds a touch of realism and can make adult players empathize

Ludger and Elle

·         Elle is at the center of the story. She is both a trouble bringer and a source of strength for the main character

·         They wanted the last choice to be heavy, choosing between Elle and Ludger/the player themselves

·         No choice is more correct than the other. While Jude etc were heroes who saved the worlds in the first game, they didn’t need for Ludger to be a hero at all cost – that’s for the player to decide with the choices

·         The Julius ending was Hori’s idea. He wanted people to feel that it was a valid choice

·         Choosing means eliminating the other possibility. Nothing changes if you don’t choose, you can’t go forward. That’s why they didn’t include the option to save both

·         If it had been a shonen manga, everyone would be happy at the end, but they wanted an older target audience for this game, which meant burdening Ludger with difficult choices

·         The two joke endings were added for more Tales-like fun. The cameo ending was requested by the planning team

·         It’s just for fun though so they don’t consider the cameo “happy end” valid because it glosses over the main story’s drama

New characters

·         It was hard to find balance on Gaius because he tends to solve things himself if you let him, but here he needed to have a support role

·         They liked showing a more casual side to him, as well as his relationship with the Chimeriad

·         Muzét didn’t really have evil intent (in the first game), it was more that she went out of control. Bc she had a hard time in X1 and since X2 had a heavy story, they decided to focus on light-hearted scenes with her

·         Fractured Milla was created to show the player what fractured dimensions were in a straightforward manner

·         They also wanted to surprise the players by giving her a completely different personality

·         At first, she was just created as a step to bring prime Milla back, but they decided to give her a bigger role because they grew attached to her

·         At first, they came up with half a dozen personalities for her before settling on one (tsundere)

·         They picked a cat for a mascot because there were cat lovers among the staff

·         It’s hard to have an animal move around during events, to they made him a fat cat so he wouldn’t move too much

·         Ludger’s hair is silver like his father’s, and the black part is dyed

·         Nova’s meche is because she saw Auj Oule women (it’s a cultural thing there) and she wanted to imitate Rieze Maxia’s fashion

Discarded ideas

·         Julius’ was supposed to be Ludger’s mother at first, but they thought an older brother character would be more popular. His overprotectiveness is remnants of his motherly role

·         Yamamoto wanted Bisley to use a gun and have a scene where Ludger transformed and avoided the bullets, so Bisley would go “that slow thing is useless” and discard the gun before transforming himself and punch faster than the gun fired bullets

·         He also wanted a scene where Bisley showed up to the last dungeon in a car saying “Sorry for the wait”

·         Anyway Bisley is really Yamamoto’s favorite XD

·         Nova and Vera had a very small role originally but Nova grew as a character who cheers Ludger up when he worries about his debt

·         She was originally just there to provide information; in the original idea, she was also originally in love with Ludger, not Julius, and would be irritated at Julius for causing Ludger trouble

·         They didn’t expect her to even show up at the hot spring

From staff comments in the World Guidance book

·         At first the debt was supposed to come from Ludger having to take responsibility for the Oscore incident

·         Anabuki drew the wanted posters

·         They call Kanbalar Edo lmao

·         They’d originally planned to have an ending where Ludger gives up in ch.14

·         The imagery of butterflies is associated to the Key of Kresnik (Elle’s hat design, Bisley’s wings in his chromatus form…)

·         Jude was introduced early to cover for Ludger’s lack of lines

·         They considered having him oppose Ludger at first (abt destroying the dimensions) and eventually join the party

·         They decided to keep the old cast’s personalities as they were in the first game’s epilogue, but made an exception for Elize, who matured a bit in between

·         They originally wanted to show Muzét regret her actions of the first game, but her chara eps took another direction

·         Fractured Milla was originally simply a gimmick to show the cruelty of fractured dimensions, but her role got bigger

·         They had templates for her

·         A hidden thema of the extra episode is to restore Ivar’s honor

·         Ideas for Rollo: Julius’ disguise, Chronos’ true form. But he ended up as a regular cat in the end

·         The dungeon in ch.10 was meant as a homage to past titles

·         Since the game is aimed at adults, “immorality” and “irrationality” were key themes of the first ideas

·         Some character design rough sketches are dated as far back as March 2011 (the first game came out in September 2011)

Past translations:

Unused ideas for plot, fractured dimensions, Ludger & Julius episode, and fractured Milla personalities.

Staff comments about the fractured dimensions featuring the Chimeriad.

Interview with Daigo Okumura.

Interview with Takashi Kondo.

[intothespideyverses]

a modest reinterpretation of “andi’s choice” in c-minor (inspired by a post by @ambimack)

in which bowie ghostwrites a song, andi tries to go ghost on walker, and [insert third awful ghost pun here]: 

so bowie is actually ringing up customers for once at the music store that I figured rarely got business because helloo it’s always damn near empty but I guess today there was a surge of customers seeking out guitar picks and vinyls to show how Cultured and Unique they were for listening to the beatles or whomever. anyway jonah is on his guitar, doing as jonahs are wont to do, and bowie drops the bomb on him with “so yeah remember that music coach I told you about? she hates you. she quite frankly and literally wants you dead. she told me this herself. why didn’t you show up???” and jonah’s like “andi don’t fw me anymore :(” which isn’t rly an answer bc lbr here homeboy was ALREADY running late. you mean to tell me him staring at that painting took 4 whole minutes? nah. 

so anyway bowie’s like “hm let’s change that” bc manipulating your daughter’s emotions behind her back is cool I guess. bowie, totally not projecting in any way whatsoever, suggests that jonah write andi a song. jonah’s not about it tho. “I can’t talk about my feelings!” he says, which is true considering he only just started exhibiting negative emotions for the first time ever last week. bowie goes, “sure u can! what rhymes with back?” and jonah almost says “crack!” bc thats clearly what bowie’s been on for the past 2 episodes but lemme not.

anyway jump to andi @ the spoon and her boo thang who’s not rly her boo thang yet bc terri hates us is facetiming her again. “so andi, my wife whom I would die for, what’s up?” and andi replies “my best friend is moving away :(” so walker, the understanding king he is, goes “aw pick your head up queen, your crown’s falling :’)” and tells her to go be with her friends and something about a bubble machine idk but w/e we still stan.

buffy comes in w/ all the junk the ghc left at her house including a knockoff tamagotchi which seems kinda before andi’s time?? like she was supposedly 7 when she got it which would have been around 2010? but once again w/e we still stan. and buffy reads the recommendation letter cyrus’ mom wrote for him which seemed a tad incomplete. “I can’t believe my mom forgot to add three references, what a waste...” he sighs.

but walker comes in and andi’s like “tf didn’t u just tell me to drink bubble soap and be w/ my friends? what r u doing here?” and walker, the modern day da vinci, says “im here to draw ur friends as a going away present for your fellow queen, buffy” and buffy looks shooketh like hey if andi don’t want him go get him sis! 

so walker draws a louvre level artist rendering of the ghc and instead of appreciating the fact that walker could probably make an exact recreation of the mona lisa, andi’s like “*rolls eyes emoji* *sucks teeth emoji* now i got TWO of these little boys after me what the fuck -_-” but that doesn’t matter bc buffy and cyrus are LIVING for it. 

“im gay so clearly im the better sassy best friend, step tf back bitch”

“the sassy best friend stereotype was made for my black ass cyrus so if you think for even a second I won’t claim my rightful spot you are sadly mistaken”

“let me have this one thing buffy I can’t even say the word gay out loud on this damn show can I at least have this?? can I?”

buffy takes a sip of her virgin margarita and goes...

anyway back at the music shop, jonah has just finished practicing the song bowie ghostwrote for him. jonah’s like “great this is perfect for me to sing outside andi’s window” and bowie quite litcherally flips a table and goes “you rly thought u were gonna pull that corny shit??? what year is it?? 1985 called they want their courtship technique back lol what a loser” and jonah’s like hm perhaps he really is on crack but doesn’t say it out loud bc that would hurt bowie’s feelings :/. bowie says that he already booked jonah to perform at the open mic being held THAT NIGHT lmao and jonah just about has another panic attack bc what??

“what??” he asks bowie who is too busy thinking about him performing “you girl” to bex when they were younger to even remember who jonah even is. jonah’s quite honestly shitting himself and wondering what tf he’s going to do. “being around you” is cute and all but it doesn’t go nearly as hard as andi deserves, especially if he now has to compete with artsy fartsy walker who could probably redo the sistine chapel all by himself if he rly wanted to. “hm..........how can one convey how truly deep in their feelings they are for the one they love?” jonah asks the universe, bc hey it seems to always work for bowie. 

the universe responds by sending a speeding car full of college kids blasting aubrey graham’s newest hit single right into the storefront window. 

“that’s it!” 

jonah’s handing out flyers at the spoon and cyrus literally melts into a puddle and I’m pretty sure this is the first nod to his crush on jonah since he came out to andi wow. andi’s like “since when do u do anything aside from throwing a plastic disc?” and jonah’s like “last week 🤗"

they go to the open mic and some girlie is throwing it DOWN w/ her accordion but bowie being the uncultured swine he is, pulls her off the stage. “anywayyyy here’s our final performance and the only reason we held this show tonight, give a big round of applause to jonah beck!”

jonah walks out with his guitar and an amazon copyrighted product shaped like a portable speaker. bowie’s like 🤨 bc this was supposed to be an acoustic performance tf does he need a backing track for? jonah sits down on his lil stool and clears his throat. “alexa play ‘in my feelings, jonah beck cover’”. the device plays a track consisting of jonah’s angelic backing vocals, and our boy begins to strum his guitar. he opens his mouth to croon...

“trap...trap bowie bowie”

bowie’s chiseled jaw drops to dirty ass music shop floor. “this is...not what I planned.”

“this stuff’s got me in my feelings...gotta be real w/ it...”

the entire audience has a collective heart attack. 

“an-di, do u luv me? r u riding? say you’ll never ever leave from beside me, cause I want ya and I need ya, and I’m down for u always...”

buffy and cyrus catch whiplash from turning so fast to face andi. “the song’s about YOU bitch!”

andi shakes her lil head. “puh-lease, no it’s not”

cyrus, doing his best not to cry, says “he literally just said ur name but go off”

andi’s in denial bc eww j*n*h b*ck? singing a song? for her? disgusting. but jonah keeps singing his little heart out and the lyrics are more and more damning as they go on. 

“trap, trap bowie bowie...I buy you rice on a string cause you not that showy”

“art 101 cause u just like zoey”

“fuck he is singing about me...”

“fudge that netflix and chill what’s ur net-net-net worth?” jonah sings, hitting an impossible high note. queen of vocals. 

“you’re the only one I luv~~~” he serenades, serving us mariah carey level whisper notes. ariana is cancelled! our boy finishes the song, basking in the thought of how many careers he singlehandedly ended by performing at this small hole-in-the-wall music shop in bumfuck, utah. drake your days are numbered sis. 

everyone immediately deserts the shop en masse like did y’all see how fast they all left last episode?? damn. buffy and cyrus stay behind while andi is frozen sitting in her chair bc what the hell does one say to that. 

bowie goes up to jonah and is like “so um...that was...different.” and jonah responds “ikr! see, ‘being around you’ felt too old school, too...2002. idk why that year specifically, but idk it just sounds like it was written in 2002 for a completely different person, maybe even bex, but what do I know? im just your friendly neighborhood jonah beck.” bowie is shook. “anyway, do u think andi liked it?” bowie looks up to see his dorder who he’s more or less forgot about in favor of m*randa and demon child for the past couple of days walking in slow motion to the stage. how she was doing that was beyond him. “well, she looks like she’s about to cry so that’s either a very good thing or a very bad thing. ur on ur own now bud.” and he skidaddles to where bex is waiting. oh yeah bex was in this episode too I forgot. 

andi approaches jonah and he’s like “...so...song....you like?” and andi’s internally screaming bc everyone for the past several weeks has been pushing this relationship on her including jonah himself and now he just sung this song in front of all these ppl and now she pretty much HAS to kiss him so anyway ya she does. 

when she pulls away jonah blinks. “oh...dosche”

THE END. 

will andi finally break up with jonah for good? will jonah avoid copyright infringement for covering a drake song on disney channel? will bowie seek help for his crack addiction? find out next time on dragonball z!

[yourghastlycloseness]

i wanna be a mascot too

ok so i’ve just finished my run and it’s 3.18am lmfao

my stamina has deteriorated. the last time i ran was on 26/6 (3 rounds, did it just fine) and 29/6 (4 rounds, abt 4km? did it pretty easily). today’s friday (more accurately, very early saturday morning) and i only managed 2 rounds lol. so a 5-day break is all i need for my stamina to start sucking balls

running at 3am is fun. i only ever do late night rounds around my estate out of safety concerns. i live at a street where condominium complexes are lined up one after the other, so there are security guards around at this hour, though they’re mostly old men who stare you up and down as you run and deliberately puff smoke in your path. interestingly, the edgy k00L street d00ds are the considerate ones and usually blow smoke away from my face if i run past them on the pavements

lately i’ve been more conscious about my physical safety. it started after getting followed home around 11pm-midnight by middle-aged men here and in tokyo. i used to think you had to be an attractive woman or dressed up in a way that suggests you’re ‘asking for it’ or walk through an unsafe neighbourhood or live in a society which does not recognize sexual violence against women as a problem or a combination of the aforementioned to be harassed, but these experiences taught me otherwise

when i run at night these days, i’ll keep my left earpiece on but my right one off, so i can hear footsteps, if any, behind me. i also run while looking over my shoulder every 50m just to make sure nobody around me looks dangerous. there have been a couple of stabbing cases lately

i forgot to talk abt last fri with H, last sun with A, mon with H, and a thurs hangout with C after work. the details are fuzzy, but all was good, so i’ll make a mental note here that i did social stuff these past few days too and that i had fun

come to think of it, even if i’m not in hiroshima or dotonbori right now, i’m still terribly busy; i’m juggling work, keeping up with friends, trying out new hobbies, exercising, etc.

so much of my life is going by — on this blog, i capture what goes in my head or the time i spend on my own, but rarely the events of a day spent with others. i also struggle to blog about my family because that’s just so personal to me

let me try to recall what were some things i talked to my friends about. it doesn’t feel right to share what they said, so i’ll be vague and brief where it concerns them:

H — she was telling me abt a meeting a kpop idol in person and how the encounter put her in a dreamlike state afterwards; i was talking about how i would read fan accounts of meeting idols, and how they could recall every detail of that day, from what they ate to fellow fangirls they would meet on the train. if an idol tucked stray strands of hair behind his ear, they would write a full paragraph to immortalize the scene.

it always made me feel happy and...a little spiteful. because look at this idol, commanding so much of your attention, and look at you, a mere creature in the crowd — i’m not sure my pride would ever let me openly worship another human being like that, though i fantasize about it

i do public speaking in my job (not by choice, someone get me out of here lol) and i’ve been recognized a few times by those in the audience. but whenever i deliver a talk to some 300-1000 people, i honestly cease to register human faces, even if i interact with individuals in the crowd

that might be what these idols see: a blurry, nondescript faces, highly likely made of flesh

i am deeply affected by the disparity between dreams and reality

on one end, a factory girl watches her favourite kpop idol on v live; on the other, idols bathe in (your hard-earned) cash

i want that sort of adoration for an idealized version of myself that i can control and strategically present to millions. it must be fun to be the subject of a schoolgirl or schoolboy’s daydreams, or to soothe lonely old singles who don’t have real people to direct this ‘love’ to, and yet, wish so much to give

my pride is probably why i’ve never actually bought merchandise for myself despite all my fangirling

we also talked about dancers in kpop and figure skaters

A — talked about inferiority complexes among the...non-elite (? not the right way to put it. i’d call these ppl the graduates of ‘the school of hard knocks’) and how we see these in colleagues, and find them exhausting to deal with. talked about taimane the ukulele goddess, her sister’s first job, activities during covid times, looked at a globe in a store and tried to make sense of routes taken by european colonizers to get to their colonies. can’t rmb what else but we had a lot of fun

C — talked about work, astro’s moonbin lmfao (C: ‘i don’t usually say this, but-’). talked about what we consider dark. apparrently, the threshold might be high for me because of an early exposure and attraction to horror. i talked about the film, hereditary, its unique framing techniques, and why i caught it on my own after midnight despite knowing that was a bad idea (my mom was asleep next to me though, yay).

talked about the spiritual realm. in short: C believes, i am on the fence, as i always am about these things. but i don’t doubt. if i did, i would be trying out all the demonic rituals in books to see if i could summon something. discussed that weird night where we nearly walked into this jungle-like path but stopped when we felt a spooky male presence

funniest part of the day was when we tried recalling dramatic lines from jane eyre (both book and film), and started inserting them into our very standard conversation between two millennial women

‘he transfixes me, quite’ (in reference to astro’s moonbin)

‘i could bend him with my finger and thumb; a mere reed he feels in my hands’ (in reference to yuzuru hanyu)

-

just realized i ate army stew when i hung out with all 3 of them

i need to st0p

[savemefrommyselfxv]

Letter writes again.

Buddy. :') I've always been a "lover from afar" kinda kid man. Ahah. Non-invasive. Solo hustles but send immense do'as your way kinda thing. Clean cut hiatus are a biiiit hm hahah ya la and you gotta know maybe how idk hahah it's still the whole "I wanna pantau" but it's ramadhan so we gotta maxxxximize but yeah, yknow? Hahah untranslated into words. May meanings get across. (I look forward to your writes actlly aha but tak nak taruh harapan ah)( kinda like... Wanna know how you're keeping up but yeah no pressure kinda thing)(low key care aha)(fillah, fillah. I leave you in the care of Allah and with hopes you'd be able to well discern and be your own good shepherd to your own soul, yeah buddy? Hahah little one with light, khair insyaAllah) But yeah actlly so many reminders/shares I wanna share ahah but seeee the non invasive, indirect type of me tannak directly share so kau pandai pandai la oki hahah find traces I may leave with intent for it to reach you, if they're meant to reach you. Let me leave 3!! 1) May youuuuu draw in closeness to Qur'an. Open pages randomly and just trace your finger and see where it lands. Aha. I did this on first ramadhan night (ok la actually what I did was open quran app and scrollzzz and see where it stops hahah) and it ended on surah Al Luqman and I didn't finish reading and I decided I'd keep coming back and been reading like a few lines each time like on the bus otw somewhere etc and :"""") realise what I stumbled upon was immense treasure trove of wisdomssss (duh hahah it was a story of Luqman (peace/blessings/mercy and redha of Allah upon the one mentioned in Quran) to his bunayya. So yeah for now from this surah: 1. Be grateful to Allah. Don't syirik. 2. Serve and be grateful to walidayn :") Then I did the finger trace and open quran randomly thing again last night (this time with actual quran) and I ended on Al Ahqaf 15/16/17 ANDDD aGAINN ahaha it's about parents so :") no reminders reach coincidentally, kan? Also: Last night, I bumped into my father's cousin aka a faraway aunt, who was my ustazah who taught me how to wudhu and solat and I still rmmbr how jakun I was at 5yo to learn to duduk di antara sujud :""").hahaha so yeah alhamdulillah it's quite nostalgic much feelz to "see how far" the journey traversed since I was 5 ah :" 2) (ok let me give up with "leaving you with 3" aha and continue this free writes ok) // don't lose sight of your ramadhan goals oki!! Wether solat goals or reading goals or quran memorisation goals or 99names goal or do'a goals or mathurat goals. Ini reminder to self jugak actlly. Ahah I should translate these goals into writing and a proper checklist ah since I'm more visual but yeah for now mine's still in my head and whileeee ramadhan on the whole has been pretty good and alhamdulillah upon everything I've slipped up a biiiit at the start but yeah insyaAllah. Just keep running/walking/get back on track/wa atubu ilaih. And thank you for sharing that wirid (that youtube vid!!). It was rlllly rllly peaceful soul calms. I think it helps ah to find such goods - whether singsong type of rayhan songs that helped me in memorizing do'as (like the bismillahi ladzhi la yadurru song or the penghulu istighfar they made into a song or do'a iman or even selawats that have beau tunes.) idk tunes beautifies so yeah. :) alhamdulillah ((I've been including more 'alhamdulillah' in my thoughts and speech after I've been talking to you man hahah and for that truly alhamdulillah)) ( I rmmbr this one reminder: Alhamdulillah for Alhamdulillah, for Allah allows for us to remember and to even utter alhamdulillah is a nikmah in itself) (and astaghfirullah for our astaghfirullahs that were absent minded/unsincere of repentance and returns) I rmmbr how excited you were to make this a gamechanger ramadhan that will touch deep your heart and soul and pour light type and take u leaps forward into positiv vibes and light so keeeeeeep goinz ok torchbearer. Ramadhan is so beautiful ahah. Ustaz nuzhan shared ytd about the dream Abu tholhah had (I think) about 2 ppl who entered islam tgt same time and both did worship tgt etc except one mati syahid first and another passed a year after. Tapi the one who passed a year after entered jannah first (I think). Only for the reason he got to live experience and immerse in one extra ramadhan than the brethren. And the diff between him and his kawan, is like, distance between heaven andddd earth. MasyaAllah right? :")) and yeah ahahah I cried badly when the azan kumandang to signify dah Ramadan (ahahah ok maybe I'll post that write here hm) But okiiiii. Take care, ok? HAHA imma still pantau and see idk if I should pull full hiatus from this opensilvers kindergarten friendship hahahah but well seems not like it // but beneficial shares inshaAllah and addu'a biddu'a and jia you and may your sinssss wash away wash away with your temperature/falling sick (seeee, husnuzhon billah, Allah wants to purify uuu) Hahahah. Until next writes, aight. For Allah, by Allah, to Allah. In truth an audience of One. Abdi lillahi mulk samaawati wal ardh. Take care, mirroredz (insert smiley face and sparkle emoji) (and green heart to rmmbr rasulullah saw)

[schniggles]

#again i am so glad this show blew up as hard as it did and fans who started the show after it finished airing are not less valid#but fr you had to be there. just watching all of this unfold. literally lucius saying oh my god this is happening.#he is the audience insert for the ppl who were here from the start

this might be a silly thing to thank someone for but you got me into ofmd before episodes 7 and 8 and i cannot thank you enough for that because i got to create my own understanding of the show before it had a huge fandom which is an experience that can’t be valued enough

GOD NO SERIOUSLY I get what u mean. I mean this in the least gatekeepy way possible but honestly I think a fundamental part of the ofmd experience was watching the episodes after they dropped in real time at 7am every thursday fr. fans who got into it after the whole season was already out will never understand the experience of rewatching the you wear fine things well scene over and over trying to figure out if you just saw what you think you saw or if you're being queerbaited harder than you ever have in your entire life, the world-shaking clarity of having that scene finally be put in context after the finale, spending a week working ourselves into a frenzy trying to dissect the trailer for the finale, scaring the absolute shit out of each other with the batshit theories.... and thats honestly so sad. that some people never got to feel the euphoria of watching The Kiss in real time having no idea it was coming. nothing can ever replicate that feeling of sitting in live chat with 100 other people and collectively losing our minds so hard we almost crashed our discord server. one of the most thrilling moments of my entire life I wouldnt trade it for anything