#he is not hot he's just a little guy who happens to be 7ft tall

[occasional-pyrrhon]

I need to know your most unhinged headcanons about Pyrrhon. Idk if you already have a post like this, but I need to know.

YAY YAY YAY OK. OK EVERY THING I'VE EVER THOUGHT ABOUT HTIS GUY LET'S GO. MILLION PAGE LONG POST UNDER THE CUT

OK so what is this thang in the first place right. I think he's an alien. HEAR ME OUT GUYS HEAR ME OUT. So space seems really weird and vaguely eldritch in the worldbuilding right, the Kraken and the Pirates' appearances being robotic along with the Aurum, who apparently just Happened one day. I think he also Happened one day and just crashed landed onto earth meteor style, either coming from the sun itself or being the Aurum's flawed attempt at mimicking a god that got too out of control and developed free will. I mean he has bright green eyes and looks nothing like the other gods. Even HADES wears CLOTHES man. Fitting with space being mostly outside the domain of the gods, this weird little mini sun man was able to claim the Sun God title because no one else was using it, which is why the gods themselves are torn on if he's one of them. He isn't immortal but he does age slower than normal, he's a fairly recent annoyance among all the divine discourse

Him and Arlon are brothers! Sorta. They met as kids without any apparent families and Pyrrhon theorizes that they're connected, which Arlon goes along with. So they kinda *become* brothers in a way with my headcanons? Ja. They start out being kinda frenemies who don't really get along and are just sticking with this theory to figure out their pasts but they end up truly having the brothers relationships and being at eachothers' backs. Everyone else is shocked to learn about this every single time since they're such opposites. Arlon lends stability and Pyrrhon lends freedom and encourages leniency towards the whole "loyalty" thing, which evidently means less to him. 😌

The other popular headcanon I like is that his flame aura is controlled by his emotions. He can make it flare up for dramatic effect or cool it down if he needs to, but it's typically involuntary. It's usually not harmful to people, though he can easily burn things if he isn't paying attention and he's always warm to the touch. If he's calm it simmers down. If he's really, truly upset or hopeless it goes out. If he's excited or angry it burns brighter. If it turns white hot and hurts to the touch, you should probably run. :)

He's trans. "How is he 7ft tall?" Divine HRT will do that to you. "Out of everyone in the cast who would be way more fitting-" I like him. "Wasn't there something in smash about the gods' physical forms-" I do what I want always all the time forever.

OKAY so it's tough sometimes with characters who are intended to be insane with no further context because on the one hand that can be kinda fucked but on the other hand OUHHHHH. crazy guy who loses control to the orb was such a weird adhd awakening for me but baby if it wasn't an awakening. SO putting aside that it's obviously exaggerated and he was probably just intended to be insane with no nuance, I headcanon him as autistic and adhd with probably an array of Other Shit going on that I'm not qualified to pin down without feeling like it may be insulting. my mental illness pilled folks give your takes below or don't if you're uncomfortable with attatching stuff to characters like this because that's very justified I just hyperfixate on and relate to the worst specimens possible o7 you would not believe how many ocs I have that are just "let's do this bitch again and deconstruct all the dehumanization these guys always get while we're at it" follow my main artblog with my ocs plug plug plug plug

I think he would hate Hades as the apex of the irresponsibility and evil of the gods. HOWEVER Pyrrhon x Hades is just inherently super funny to me so its tough I kinda need to reconsile them. MY HEADCANON is that they dated for a bit when Pyrrhon didn't have a vendetta against the gods yet and was going after cred then when Palutena and Medusa yuri-divorced Hades felt the urge to one-up Medusa in some way so he ended things with Pyrrhon by saying he's homophobic. This in turn put Pyrrhon on a brief stint of homophobia that he thankfully recovered from when he started to listen to Limp Bizkit (unironically in every way of course) and decided that Fred Durst is the most beautiful man on the planet. Or will be. Kid Icarus ancient Greece with Nintendo you know how it is.

I'm growling and pacing ominously with a shadow over my eyes all the time over his underdeveloped motivations BUT from what we're given of his respect for Pit and his vendetta against the gods along with the heroic act I feel like he's kinda with Dark Pit on the idea of the gods constantly throwing everything off balance BUT the critical difference that turns him into a villain is that he thinks that if a true hero like HIM were the most powerful god he could fix all of this! See see HIS indulgence in the violence and warring is justified he doesn't WANNA incinerate the angel but it's just for the greater good. Fool tried to end the cycle of violence by becoming part of it!!!!!!! Everyone point and laugh!!!!!!!!

He's smart but he's also a dumbass but he can actually be a genius under the right circumstances but he's so so stupid. Right. He would put together a computer on his own from nothing but Vibes then think YouTube is a platform exclusively for fnaf letsplays because its the first thing he clicked on and he doesn't know how to search. He can determine his location by looking at the stars he also got lost in the department store yesterday. He can tell you about the Aurum for two hours he doesn't remember what he ate for lunch yesterday so he answers with som shit like the essence of heroism in the sandwich of destiny. He's so me he's all of us in a way .

He has mild psychic powers and he is NOT good at them 💔 he taught himself short range telepathy hence why he only really talks to the others in person until he gets his power up. He also tried to learn how to give visions and prophecies recieved upon touching his gem but it kinda just traps you in his adhd mindzone where he tries to keep up the illusion with cardboard cutouts on sticks.

Okay post canon time! Horray!!!!! The shorter more hyperspecific headcanons are after this. Tw for trauma and parallels to abuse until this section is done we're in projecting lane now.

A lot of details of what happens to him post-Aurum vary depending on what I'm drawing/writing at the moment like if he gets out on his own or has to be rescued after the war with Hades resolves, but generally he's trapped with them for a while with wavering control over himself. He develops an intense phobia of space and the Aurum afterwards despite them once being his biggest interests (<- PROJECTING.) His sense of personhood is very disrupted - he wasn't just controlled, he was assimilated and became one in the same with them with only shards of him holding on and resisting. He goes between never wanting to encounter them again to being nothing but a vessel who *must* return to them again no matter what it does to him, and he doesn't remember how to be a person without them controlling him. He completely stops believing he's a god in any way. He often zones out with the instinct that something else will be at the wheel until someone snaps at him and he's like huh wuzzat. Then probably plays it off as being inconsiderate since what people expect of him is easier than the truth.

He has the belief that the Aurum are attempting to take him again, even if they end up destroyed they're too powerful to him now to end that easily. They're *all* and they're *everywhere*. Since a lot of ptsd symptoms can feel like losing control it compounds quickly.

He has a habit of covering his mouth when he's upset. The feeling of those words and that smile stick with him.

I also think he'd have pretty messed up misconceptions towards "redeeming himself". With his broken identity he clings onto the idea of being fearless and acting the same way he used to, otherwise they "won". He would do stuff like accompanying Pit on a space mission and acting like it's no sweat while intermittently sneaking off to hide the breakdown. Why should he be afraid? It was *his* fault after all, and if he can't stop himself from being hurt it's just going to be *his* problem.

He starts wearing clothes to hide the scars he recieved on his chest, back, and limbs. He wants to look like NOTHING has changed, as much as possible. He starts returning to his old Nothingcore fit the more he heals from the events, because he doesn't like the feeling of clothes in the first place. he wears fingerless gloves and leg warmers because he can't stand the alternatives to either.

He also has a cane that's supposed to look enough like a staff to pass as one. His legs have been Pixels for the past couple years ok. Either way he's insecure about it and mostly uses it private, once again passing off his troubles in the department as his typical cringefail self don't worry about it 😁 👍

There's some mechanical alterations inside of him and like. I don't know how to explain my vision here except imagine the junji ito stuff turning into spirals story but with math and geometry and such. You can plug a bluetooth chip into his back scar and he's a literal wifi hotspot now. The quadratic formula is hidden somewhere in his femur as a fun easter egg. A lot of the changes are good for an impromptu living weapon but not for that weapon having an easy time afterwards, but it takes a while for him to reach out for help there, not just because of all previously mentioned but because he *hates* the idea of something going in and making "edits" to him again.

There's some more literal lingering effects from the Aurum - he can understand Morse code and binary and is compelled to read it out and translate it whenever he sees it, and sometimes those are the forms of communication that remain when the others go down, along with general detached computer speak. He *really* doesn't like others seeing this -- I like the idea of Arlon or Palutena teaching him signing to use in moments like this.

He is so touch starved my god. He probably wasn't getting much affection pre-canon in the first place but after being in space for 3+ years in a place where anything organic for miles is destroyed on sight, his body not being his own, and then going on to hide it all? Someone lays a hand on his shoulder and he just *melts*. He already feels like the affectionate back-breaking bear hug type in my mind so it's just. Auougghhhhhhhhhh. Yeah.

Okay back to the less intense headcanons. All the main ones were at the top these are just little ideas or like stupid stuff.

NO ONE IS HANDING HIM THE AUX CORD. EVER. His top artist on Spotify is Smosh. He listens to Lil Dicky and Your Favorite Martian. When it's a date and he needs to put on the more acceptable by society stuff he puts on ABBA and the Niel Ciceriga mashup albums. The ladder is most of his exposure to the wider music world he was BAFFLED when he found out hendrix wasn't actually singing about furries. I also think it would be really fucking funny if his main playlist with 2010 YouTuber Core has like Kid A interspersed in there. Thom York and the party rock guys are on the exact same artistic pedestal to him (you can decide if he's a real one for that)

He would NOT BE A MYSOGINIST. NO ONE GETS MY GUY. He's the most cringefail feminist on earth he was at the women's march tripping over the asphalt and face planting 30 times and when it was over they had to pick him up with a dustpan. HER PRONOUNS ARE THEY/THEM !!!

He figured all the fnaf lore out on his own but none of the gods gave a shit so he used the peak of his power to bestow maddening visions upon Markiplier's 20th removed great Greek ancestor. Hades did the same thing to MatPat's 20th removed great Greek ancestor just to muddy the waters and spite his ex

His favorite animals are snakes, cats, and dragons. When the others find out about him Going Through It post canon, Viridi begrudgingly makes immortal replicas of a snake and cat as gifts to him for emotional support

He would use his divine resilience to go out and hug poisonous creatures and beasts because he can

He would get so upset by like made up cartoon insults like in worlds where everyone's a dragon and they call eachother a pink-tailed coward and that kind of stuff right. If he got teleported into the geronimo stilton book universe and another mouse called him a chedderface he would have to be HOSPITALIZED.

He doesn't curse a lot and only does it under very specific circumstances that tick him off like if you called spongebob annoying he would curse you out

Talks to himself alone in rooms constantly. Has ytp verbal stims.

Has a thumbtack and string board not for like anything in specific its kinda just his replacement for a journal but for a guy who tries to find the connection between the weird waiter he met at girls' night to the Aliens

I have a genre of guys I call Stray Dog Youth who are just people I think would evoke a heroic pity response from him and the urge to take them under his wing and raise them into defenders of justice. Pit. Chicken Little. Fluttershy. Shadow the Hedgehog. Timmy Turner. Gohan. Malcom in the middle maybe I never watched it. But do you see my vision here. He respects this genre of person more than any god ever

STIM LORE 🔥 fist bumps, flying around in circles, saying him catchphrases and doing him poses, playing with fire in his hands and swirling it around. He's a hup and huh and woop and oops and wup kind of guy. Sometimes he yells CHOCOLATE STARFISH!!! to himself in fred durst impression.

He polishes his forehead gem a lot to be as striking and shiny as possible

His hair starts to turn ashy at the tips and hang down when it grows longer

He respects human life more than the average god. Protecting the earth is his ultimate goal but he'll justify many questionable sacrifices to achieve that

Panromantic Asexual 💪 he does not care about flirting or sex there are horrors to quell citizen. I mean even if he wanted to he couldn't so.

Oh yeah he uses citizens generally when talking about humanity and such, but citizen turns into a nickname for Pit in particular as a sign of respect.

He gives Pit exposure therapy training after returning to earth and learning about his pyrophobia. He also has talks with Palutena, one of the first gods he develops some respect towards and one of the first people to accept him back in, since they relate to eachother over the Chaos Kin incident.

He doesn't have a real temple and he's mostly a drifter, but he did set up shop at an abandoned human temple in the middle of nowhere. WORST crib imaginable. courage the cowardly dog style PC setup. Light up gaming in progress sign. Q-bert funko pop displayed like a treasured collectable.

He would be OBSESSED with old low budget sci-fi movies and similar genres of b-movies. He thinks The Amazing Bulk is the best movie ever made ever

He would be really good at games where the rules are just entirely decided by vibes and such he can understand them thoroughly. That one video of the guys using toy phones and xylophones like a card game with gamer rage mannerisms. Calvinball. Etc.

He can go a while without sleep. When he needs to he lays back in the sky and sleeps among the stars. This has led to many flock of owls attacks followed by meteor crash landing into a god's back lawn.

THAT'S ALL I CAN THINK OF FOR NOW but yeah those are the big ones 💞 thank you for opening the gates for me to be insanecrazy about my specialist guy on the planet 😁

[autumnleafdraws]

Vertide is kinda hot

Who are you I'm going to smite your ass into next millennium

[cottoncandyjester]

Damn do Zeke’s whole family be hot?? I’ll just be the family pet please 🥺🥵💖 I wanna hear more about this giant older brother (whoo boy mans is a whole 2 feet taller than me 🥵🥵 yes please ruin me thank you)

You guys need to stop encouraging me cause y’all know I will do it!

This contains: talk about sex, talk about yandere behavior

Tiago ,29

Mute 90% of the time

7ft tall even

His voice is RUMBLING deep like oof

When he doesn’t speak he simply grunts or makes hand motions simple nod here or there

Legit has such messy hair like he kinda just wakes up and goes

He looks scary but is super sweet like he owns a flower shop

That being said he will break someone’s leg if they touch his darling

He is scary when angry

Like he just ✨SNARLS✨ and it scared anyone away

He has to bend his head anytime he enters a room

Has to have a detachable shower head cause he’s already too tall for the shower

This means no shower sex sadly cause he’s too big..in many ways

I know you guys wanna know....HIS COCK IS MASSIVE

12.5 inches when fully hard!

As thick as a soda can! You are going to get broken

Cause of this he doesn’t have sex with you often unless you clearly show that you want it

He rather use toys for his pleasure but he ends up fucking them too hard and breaking them

Likes to loom behind you when you’re talking to someone else he does this unintentionally and it scares anyone who you’re speaking to

He’s so quiet it’s hard to know when he’s there

But like a big dog call his name and he’ll pop up

He likes when you play with his hair please do that often

You will be in his lap 90% of the time

He can legit pick you up with one arm like just up you go

He likes to have you on his back sometimes

Like his siblings he’s a chill yandere

You don’t really know he’s a yandere cause he’s just so trusting

He trusts you it’s just that he doesn’t trust other people

Any and all people who flirt with you will be scared away by him

All he has to do is stare and they are just walking away

He is SUPER strong like he can crush a watermelon just by hugging it tight enough

He really loves flowers(duh) and knows the meaning of every single plant

He likes to give you plant based nicknames such as:

“my rosebud”

“My sunflower”

“Little sapling”

“My sweet maple leaf”

“Such a feisty little cactus” ( his way of calling you a brat)

“Honeysuckle”

The list goes on and on

You will be the one he talks to the most like not even his family gets more than a sentence out of him

He likes the fact that you are small

Will scoop you up in his arms or hold you if he wants a kiss

PDA makes him flustered

He PURRS

like instead of moans it’s just a steady rumbling purring along with deep grunts

If your head is on his chest you can actually feel him purr with pleasure

He is so scared to choke you during sex cause one hand can wrap around your throat and that’s all it takes to kill you

Honestly your first time with him will prob be super gentle cause he worries about breaking you

Side note you two break the bed frame every single time you fuck

The headboard has dents and cracks from him gripping it wayyyy too hard

He sometimes zones out and crushes the item in his hand you once caught him zoning out crushing and breaking a full can of soda unaware til he realizes the mess

Him and Zeke have been known to spar fight randomly

Like they can be chill and next thing you know Zeke punches him and boom spar match

I feel like their darlings would get freaked out first time it happens

Zeke is faster while Tiago is stronger so their matches could go either way

The three brothers are chaotic when put together

They one time went to a sex shop at 2am and it was madness

Mateo was waving dildos around giggling at how floppy they are, Zeke was asking the worker the most funniest and most suspicious questions and Tiago was testing out fleshlights with his fingers getting weird stares when he got disappointed when he could only fit two

BONUS(meeting tiago)

You were zeke’s best friend, you’ve been at his house hundreds of times to the point where you owned your house key to the place.

While you and Zeke was hanging out he remembered something, now sitting up frantically “oh shit my big brother is supposed to be visiting!” He hissed out and you let out a laugh “yeah okay Zeke, you’re the oldest sibling you dork” you cooed out and he looked at you curiously

“Nah y/n I got an older bro”

“WHAT!?”

Why didn’t you know this?! You met mateo and the rest of his family but he has yet to introduce you to an older brother?! You felt almost betrayed! “Ezekiel how could you not introduce me?!” You hissed out as he got up now making sure the house was decent as you followed him around.

“My bro tends to intimidate people a lot, plus he was away on some vacation...something about seeing exotic plants or whatever” he said softly and you suddenly imagined some hippy dude making you laugh to yourself.

“Well I wanna meet him” you huffed out and as if by fate there was a knock on the door. You rushed to the door “I’ll get it!” You cheered out and opened the door eyes wide at the sight of a male infront of the door.

He was so tall that he had to lean down slightly eyes locking with yours his head tilted to the side a silence filling the air, until Zeke broke it of course. “Tiago! Come on in, this is my friend y/n” he said and you moved out the way watching the male step into the house rubbing his neck before his eyes landed on you and you gulped eyeing him up and down..he was hot!

“Hi.” He mumbled out making you shudder at how deep his voice was, your face flushed out of pure instinct as you watched him and Zeke interact two brothers, Tiago seemed a lot more reserved than Zeke who was just warm and friendly as always.

Tiago gazed your way clearly curious about you and without thinking he stuck his hand up reaching out with his other hand grabbing your wrist and pulling your hand against his comparing sizes eyes wide at the large difference before he pulled back glancing away a faint blush on his face as he gave a low rumbling hum.

[mythicallore]

Encounter with Pale Humanoids

Among the many strange encounters in the world of the paranormal, there are often those that serve to be particularly baffling. These are the cases that hover out beyond our ability to really classify them or put a name to them. Are they ghosts, mysterious animals, aliens, or what? No answers are clear in such accounts, and they lurk out there in the periphery of the fringe. Among these bizarre accounts are tales from all over of what appear to be some sort of thin, pale beings, often hunched over, crouching, and crawling, that have come to be collectively known as “Pale Crawlers,” and which are every bit as creepy as you might imagine.

Probably one of the most well-known cases of these odd entities is that of what have come to be called the Fresno Nightcrawlers. The first account of these truly bizarre and unidentifiable creatures surfaced in the 1990s, when a video came forward showing something very strange indeed lurking about in the area of Fresno, California. There was a family who were concerned about trespassers on their property, as their dogs had begun to bark out into the darkness nearly every night, and this prompted them to install a security camera outside by their garage, facing the front lawn.

That next morning after they set up the camera they were in for quite a shock, as there in the video was a pair of pale beings a few feet in height, with no discernible arms and two long, spindly, almost stilt-like legs that appear to bend backwards. Interestingly, there seems to be some sort of fabric flapping around the legs, drawing many comparisons to a pair of disembodied walking pants. In the footage the creatures smoothly and fluidly move across the front lawn and out of view, and that’s that. You can see the footage here.

The quality of the footage is sadly low, making it nearly impossible to discern any real details, but the general shape and their odd way of moving were creepy enough to have the family contact the police. Before long the media got a hold of the footage and the “Fresno Nightcrawlers” became a hot topic. Although thought by many to be a hoax, others say that this footage has captured something truly otherworldly, and the footage was subjected to a detailed analysis on the SyFy Channel show “Fact or Faked,” which showed that the footage seemed to be genuine, and they were unable to reproduce the same results by intentionally faking the video.

Following on the heels of this video was another, this time taken over in California’s Yosemite National Park in March of 2011. In this case surveillance cameras had been set up by park officials for the purpose of identifying some intruders who had been vandalizing an area of the park, and again they seemed to have caught on tape something anything but human. Again there is a pair of spindly white entities loping across the frame on a hillside, one seemingly much smaller that the other, and both with what appears to be some sort of webbing connected from the knees to the upper body. Although they appear to be very similar, it is unknown if the Fresno creatures and the ones from Yosemite are related or not, and there have been theories ranging from that this was all a hoax, to that they are Native spirits from lore, ghosts, or even aliens. No one really knows.

Something similar to these entities was sighted in January 2004, in a case documented by researcher Albert S. Rosales. The sighting allegedly happened in Manchester, Dearborn County, Indiana, when a young man was driving along a remote rural road in the area. As the witness rounded a bend, his headlights illuminated a tall, frail looking, pale being crouched over a puddle of water. As the witness passed the thing he looked back and could make out that it moved in a disjointed, odd manner, and had, according to him, “protruding joints that buckled out.”

As he watched the thing flickering in the red light cast by his tailights, the crouched, bone white creature purportedly stood to a height of an estimated 6 feet 7 inches tall and began to walk about in a “strange manner.” Interestingly, as he watched there was apparently another car that came along and seemed to swerve to avoid the thing before stopping. The witness would talk to the elderly couple in the car and they would confirm having seen the same thing, of which they said, “It was no human being, it was no man.” They were all so spooked that they decided to drive out of there in close procession together. Indiana has produced some other similarly odd reports as well. In one case from the winter of 2016, the witness was out feeding goats on a farm in Daviess County, Indiana, at around 8 PM, and when she finished she started walking back. The witness would say of what happened next:

After I had finished I began to walk back. I had crossed one field and was about halfway through the narrow path when I started to hear rustling in the underbrush. All I had with me was a little flashlight that only shined about 10ft in front of me. I was almost to the end of the path when I spotted something. It was on all fours with a bony frame, elongated limbs, and pale skin. While the first part of that description sounds pretty generic, it did seem to have a long and highly flexible neck. Not long after I noticed it it noticed me and bolted down the path. It ran, almost skuttling into the second field. This field had a small hill in the center, this thing fled and disappeared over one side. I ran as fast as I could around the other side of the small hill and zig-zagged back to my house where I quickly locked all of my doors. This thing was terrifying, but it seemed watchful more than anything, for now.

In another account from Indiana, documented in the National Cryptid Society database, we have a case from Michigan City, Indiana from 2012, in the middle of a lightning storm to add some atmosphere. The witness claims that she had been staying at the beach house of a friend by Lake Michigan and that there had been a lightning storm at the time. At around 2 AM some of them went outside to smoke and watch the lightning, and that was when they noticed the beam of a flashlight scanning the tall grass by the shore nearby as if searching for something. Thinking this to be a bit odd, the group of friends watched on and saw that the beam had captured an elongated, grayish humanoid looking creature stretched out on the beach, and the witness would say:

The light sweeps by something in the grass, then it shines back onto it. What was illuminated was very strange. It appeared to be a naked guy crawling around on the grass. Although, it had elongated arms and legs. It was moving kinda fast crunched over. It only lasted a few seconds, long enough for all of us to see it. Then, after the thing ran off, the flashlight shines directly at us. It stayed pointing at us until it went out after a few seconds. Creepy.

So, we’re all like WTF was that, we asked what each other saw. We all seen a weird stretched out naked guy. The only explainable thing it could have possibly been was a drunk gangly naked guy. But, I don’t think so because it looked abnormally stretched, the light pointed at us, and it freaked everyone out. It was something strange. I can’t say what the height of it was accurately, maybe around 7ft tall. My husband said it looked like something from a Marilyn Manson music video.I wanted to go down there. I wanted to see if we could find it. But, no one would go and they were creeped out and wanted to go back inside.

What on earth was the outlandish thing they saw? What was with that flashlight and why did it train itself on the observers of this surreal scene? Who knows? There have been a few sightings of something similar and equally baffling around the town of Effingham, in the state of Illinois. One case file of the National Cryptid Society is dated as 2010, and concerns a witness only known as “Jade.” The witness was allegedly out one night headed for the supposedly haunted Kasbar cemetery out in the deep woods outside of Effingham along with two friends. When they were out in the countryside, at around 1 AM in the morning, something very curious congealed out of the night, and the witness would say:

I see something with yellow glowing eyes off the side of the country road just past the ditch in the head lights. Too short to be a deer, but too big to be a possum or raccoon. As we get closer it gets clearer, and I realize what I’m looking at is skinny, hairless and grey, human like but definitely not human. Crazy as hell looking…thing. It was crouched down, It’s arms were incredibly long and looked like it could have been 7ft tall or bigger standing. I can feel myself get cold and my heart race and my hair stand on that back of my neck.

Complete shock and terror set in and i can’t make a sound, I’m just staring at it. By that time we are right in front of it, passing it and it just watches us drive by. It slinks into the dark. Then we all just start screaming. Literally freaking the hell out. I was convinced it was a demon for months but still doubted myself even seeing it. Thinking my mind was playing tricks on me. We didn’t even make it to the Kasbar that night, we went straight home. I couldn’t sleep that night.

The witness went on to become convinced that what she had seen was a “ghoul,” or an entity that lurks around feeding on the dead. She would say of this:

They feed on the freshly dead and normally stay close to cemeteries to be close to food. They have been known to show themselves to humans when trying to get close to them to eat in times where fresh deceased bodies are scarce. I went to images of them and could only find illustrations but they look exactly like what i saw that night. Everything i was reading was falling perfectly in place. Lined up perfectly with my experience. I couldn’t explain it away.

Also in the state of Illinois is a case from the town of Rossville, in 2010. The setting was at a cemetery and the time was just after sunset. The witness and a friend were walking down the main lane through the cemetery when something fairly weird scuttled out of the night. The witness would say:

Something came running from the gate and past us on our left. My friend had laughed and asked if I had heard that, and I stopped walking and responded that no, but I had seen it. As the thing had passed between headstones I caught a look. Looked like a pale, emaciated humanoid that was running on all fours. It had no hair at all that I could see, and I did not get a look at the face. It was moving far faster than any person running on hands/feet should have been able to. My friend and I just stayed frozen there and waited for another friend to come and get us because we were too scared to move. It continued to circle us, as we could hear it moving around. It never seemed threatening. If anything it seemed curious/scared of us. But who knows. I do know that it was not a coyote or a stray dog. I never saw the face but I did see the head; it did not have a muzzle. There was no tail, either. It definitely didn’t have fur; it had pale, almost bluish skin and I remember I could make out the ribs from where I was standing. Forgive me if this is a hot mess of a post; I was up all night researching this thing and when I did fall asleep I didn’t sleep well.

Other locations have had sightings as well, such as Ballard County, in Western Kentucky. As the witness was driving along the back roads on a gravel road one night at around 2 AM he says that he caught something in his headlights that startled him to the core. He would say:

I caught sight of something white and vaguely human crawling in the ditch. As we passed I hit the brakes thinking it was a person who needed help. “Are you crazy?! Don’t f***ing stop!” Blake screamed. I looked in the mirror and saw that it was standing up. Even though it was still in the ditch it was as tall as the stop sign next to it. It took a step towards us and I hit the gas. As we drove away I saw in the mirror that it dropped to all fours and was crawling after us. I didn’t start pulling away from it til I got up to about 40 mph. No matter how close I was to it I never got a good look at it. It was fuzzy like it was constantly out of focus. I’m not sure why but something about it makes me think of it as male. Maybe the height? When it crawled it moved like a lizard-hands and feet flat on the ground, elbows and knees up and out, body wiggling side to side. This happened when I was around 22. I’m 40 now and have never seen that thing again. I’ve taken many a midnight cruise along those narrow roads but I’ve never had the nerve to go near that particular farm road again. Call me a chicken…I’ll cluck happily.

Such accounts seem to lie beyond any easy classification. Are we dealing here with some sort of cryptid, ghosts, aliens, inter dimensional interlopers, or what? Or is it all just hoaxes and misinformation? These obviously seem to be far beyond normal reports of cryptids or ghostly phenomena, leaving us to merely ponder just what might be going on. Whatever the answers may be, these truly bizarre entities are not anything anyone would want to encounter slithering down a darkened road at night in the middle of nowhere, stumbling into your headlights.

[suckitsurveys]

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? I closed the door to get into the office because it’s supposed to be closed. Stripes or polka dots? Either are cute. Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? Depending on the person, but usually yes I do care don’t touch me that’s weird. What is your gender? I’m a woman.  Do you think that people think its obvious? Assuming people’s genders is gross.

How long did your first date last? *shrugs* Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? It’s on me, even. Highlight of your day? Having the window open with the smell and sounds of the storm that just happened. Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? A plane. Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? Uh, yes? Can you cook? I could be better. How high is your ceiling? I have no idea. Maybe 7ft? We are in the basement so they aren’t too tall. Whats the worst job you can think of? I don’t know. Do you swear a lot? Fuck yeah. Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? In his last name, yes. Is everything working in your house? Uh. Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? A pool. Does pop give you energy? No, it makes me burp and feel gross. TV show you love with a passion? BOB’S BURGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? Life goes on, as cliche as that sounds.

Perfect age to get married? Whenever you’re ready.

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? I probably own just about 20. Name a career path that women are known for taking. Whatever the fuck they feel like. Favorite type of cookie? Sugar. A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? Humor. What would I find if I looked in your pocket? Nothing. Maybe lint? What was your first word? I have no idea, probably something basic like momma. A musical instrument you wouldn’t mind learning how to play? Guitar. Last time you went to 7-eleven? Oh man, it’s been a while. I should have gone yesterday, it was free slurpee day. A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? I wouldn’t call it “with a passion” but I don’t like Burger King. Does everyone in your family have a job? Sure. Going anywhere this weekend? Not like on a trip, no. Is your room ever clean? It usually is. What does it mean when youre being quiet? I’m not talking. Last person you had a face to face conversation with? Miles. Wheres your phone? Next to me. Do you know the difference between your and you’re? Yes I do. How late did you stay up last night? Til about 1. Anyone you’re ready to kill? Sometimes I feel that way. Do you need to get a tan? Nah. My sunburn is turning into one. What do you want? Healthy and happiness. Favorite TV show as a kid? Pokemon, Garfield and Friends, Tiny Toons.

Whats a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? The Big Bang Theory. How many times have you been in love? Twice-ish. Go camping or go to a party? Camping. Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? When my sister would baby sit me, she used to let me have “swear time” when I was like 4 haha. How many years older than you would you date someone? I’m good where I’m at. Mark is 5 years older than me. What was the last thing you pinky swore on? I don’t remember. Would you consider yourself a nice person? Yes. Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? No. We need a full length one really bad. Has there ever been a serial killer in your house? I mean, it’s possible.

Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? No. True or false: Glee is annoying. True. Last thing you cooked? Oatmeal for my grandmother. Do you use slang often? Eh. Wear glasses? I do. .

About how old was the last person that hit on you? Maybe 30 something? What color are your headphones? White. Would you make a good teacher? Why? Fuck no. Don’t you hate those commercials that try too hard? Whatever. Is the fan on? The AC is. Any special reason why you’re taking this survey? I’m bored because there are like no emails coming in right now. What does the last text message you sent say? I sent Mark a recipe.

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? Of course. I don’t see why she wouldn’t be able to do it herself, but I would totally do it if she asked me. Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site? Sometimes. What color are your underwear? They are white. How short are your nails? They are pretty short right now. I need to take this polish off and put strengthener on them so they can grow enough to get a no-chip before my wedding. Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? Sure. Favorite holiday? Halloween and Christmas. If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? Yes. Youre locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? I’d be more freaked out about being locked in a room tbh. Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? No. Do you eat a lot of food? I try not to.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? Nah. Have you ever had to give someone directions before? Yes. Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? I’m terrible with directions in terms of North South, East, and West, but I know street names and things of that nature. How many people do you text daily? 2 or 3. Mark, Kayla, and Ellen. Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? No. Is there anyone who you call by their last name? No. What did you do on your last birthday? My friend Sarah came down from Boston! Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most? Gluttony. Has anyone ever told you that you’re incapable of whispering? No? What is your least favorite subject in school? English. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? Nope. Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other’s face? Nah. When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? Today. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? Yup.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Yesterday. How many meals have you eaten today, so far? Two, with some snacks inbetween. I need to work on a snack/food schedule. Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” Whatever. Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? Not 100%, no. Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? I’ve been inside one before but I don’t think I ever bought anything. Do you care about spending money if it’s someone else’s money? Yeah, What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? The Emperor’s New Groove and Moana. When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch? No. Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet? Either is fine. Who was the last person you yelled at? Why? My grandmother because she was being super bitchy. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? No. Have you ever made out in a movie theater before? Nope. Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument? No. When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted? I don’t know. Who was the last person to compliment you? I don’t know. How old were you when you got to go on your first date? I didn’t have any restrictions. Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective? They were fine. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? No. Do you still watch cartoons on television? Yes. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? Just tacos and a baja blast! Is there anyone currently annoying you? Always. Have you ever felt like someone was following you? When I’m driving sometimes.

Do you like short or long surveys the best? In the middle. This one has been going on for forever. I’ve actually deleted some questions. Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? Why would I buy fake money? Why wouldn’t I just use the money I spent on the fake money?? Are your siblings nice the majority of the time? I have a love/hate relationship with my sister right now. Do you freak out when a thunderstorm comes along? I get a little uneasy, especially if I am alone. How often do you shower? Every other day. Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? Yes. How many sodas do you usually drink in one day? 0. Have you ever met someone who was completely weird all-around? My favorite kind of people. Do you ever watch any soap operas? Nah. Have you ever met someone who was mean to everyone? Yup. Do you think long surveys are boring or entertaining? They can get a little boring. Like this one oops. What color is your significant other’s hair? Dark brown. Have you ever applied for a job at Walmart before? No. Would you ever become a foster parent? To animals. Are you ashamed of anyone in your family? Yes. When you get married, will you convert your last name? Yes. Are your parents divorced, married or separated? My father is widowed. Has someone ever left a relationship with you for someone else? Yup. Every time I’ve been dumped was because of that hahaha. What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced? Losing my mom. When was the last time you went shoe shopping? It’s been a while. When was the last time you cried? For what reason? Yesterday I read a story about a kitten who had FIP and had to be put down before he was even a year old. What is your favorite shop to go to at the mall? The food court. Have you ever been raped before? Jesus. Why has this been a question in so many surveys I’ve taken lately? Anyway, by definition, yes. Would you ever consider becoming a marine biologist? No. Did you carry a lunchbox as a child? No. On days when I did bring my lunch it was just in a brown paper bag. What is your favorite ‘sweet’ to eat? Brownies. Are you someone who usually eats when you’re bored? I was, but I have gotten so much better. Have you ever eaten your way through a breakup? Nope. Who was the last person you texted? Mark. Do you usually buy popcorn when you eat at the movie theater? Yes, of course. Did you sleep alone or with someone last night? Alone. Mark stayed at the apartment while I stayed at my dad’s. What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? Bleu cheese. Are you someone who constantly likes to wear hats? No. Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie that relates to your life? Hah. Is it your summer vacation right now? Well it’ summer. Do you like traveling? I do. What color are the walls of the room you’re in right now? White with a purple accent wall.

Do you go to church regularly? Nope. Who’s your best friend? Lydia, Sarah, Randal, Mark. Are you determined? Yes.

Are you always looking for/in a relationship, or do you like being single? I’ve been in the same relationship for the past 6 years. Ever had your heart broken? Yes. Even broken someone else’s heart? Yes. Are you confident? Usually but I have my moments. When’s the last time you smiled? A little bit ago. Are you tan? Burnt.

Any big plans for today/tonight? Getting my oil changed after work, going to the gym, maybe to the grocery store, picking up Mark and getting tacos for dinner since it’s going to be kind of a late night. What’s the background on your computer? A galaxy. Do you have days where you just want to listen to sad songs? Sure. Who’s the last person you kissed? Mark. Are you hoping they will also be the next person you kiss? He will be.