#he is not!
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𝗛𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁! 𝐈𝐈
Pt 1 Pt 3
Mason Mount x reader
Word count: 5.2k
Summary: This is part 2 of 'He is not!'
Warnings: Smut x2 🫢, angst, fluff, slight argument
Notes: This may not make too much sense because it's jumping a lot. Also I got a bit carried away eheh. Always struggling with pt 2 of stories but loved writing pt 1 so I gave it a shot! And thank you for all the love on part 1, really thankful! xx
You were sat on the couch once again, but this time it was so much worse than this very morning.
Jack was yet again rambling but now you had done something, in his eyes very wrong and you couldn't really defend yourself. You'd tried but it wasn't very popular with your brother when your argument was that Mason was hot.
You swore you could see his eyes darken when you tried to reason with him that he was a good fuck and after that you'd just kept quite knowing it would be for the best.
"You promised!" he close to shouted, pacing back and forth in front of the couch you had slumped down into after he'd ushered you home from the club. You could still feel the remainants of alcohol in your blood even though you began to sober up and had been for the past couple of hours.
"Well I didn't fucking know he was in England! I was just happy I'd found a hottie who wasn't in City" you mumbled quietly
"Y/n" Jack whined, running his hands over his face.
He was done rambling now, never being able to keep angry at you for too long but sadly enough disappointment seemed to take longer to vanish. "Couldn't you've asked him?" he sighed out, sitting down in the love seat opposite you.
"What was I supposed to ask huh? Like hi i'm y/n you're really hot and I want to fuck you but firstly, are you possibly teammate with my brother?"
"That's one idea" he muttered, knowing it wasn't something you naturally asked someone but you still broke your promise and he would keep you to that for a long long time.
"It's not jack! I'm really sorry okay, I didn't mean to break my promise" you sighed, leaning your head back. You where really tired, it was late as hell, you'd been up early, you'd watched a very shaking game, you'd dranken a lil too much plus a good fuck on that, exhausting was a light word.
Jack sighed, looking at you with his deep brown eyes and a serious expression "Okay, okay just promise me that you wont do it again"
You closed your eyes, not wanting to promise that.
"Y/n" Jack glared at you in warning "no Jack, please"
"What, no no no. Never again" he argued, standing up again looking pissed.
"I'm not gonna promise that" you said lowly, refusing to meet his eyes. "What y/n! It was just a one-night stand, right?"
Your eyes fleeted around the floor trying to look at anything but him. "Yeah?" Realization dawned upon him and his eyes narrowed "He's already contacted you hasn't he?" he spoke darkly making you wince "What would you do if I said yes?"
"Show me!" he barked making you jump, snatching your phone tight in your hand. "Not a chance!"
"Y/N!"
"NO! He just said... that he... that he had a good time and wondered if I wanted to see him again sometime"
"And you of course said no"
"Uh... no?" you winced again, his look killing you.
"You've already said yes" he deadpanned, throwing his head back in absolute annoyance.
"Yeah" "Ah fuck you! And fuck Mason!" he grunted out, gesturing with his hand in the air.
"Come on Jack, it's already happened so the promise is already broken" you sighed "What's once or twice more?" He didn't answer your question but sighed instead, resting his eyes heavily on you
"Y/n If you see him again you're gonna make me really disappointed" he said lowly before gathering his stuff and walking out the door, probably going back to the club to find a shag. You heard him shut the door harshly behind him, leaving you groaning on the couch.
A week had gone and Jack had been in a little better mood since that day but he was still not as regular with you. It was strained and you hated yourself for betraying him like he felt you did.
Today you'd followed him to his England training, he was really reluctant to let you but when Mason mentioned he couldn't train with the squad because of a sore ankle he had said okay.
What he didn't know was that Mason still would be there, smirking at you as you walked past. He had been texting you all week, even calling a few times to just chat. Obsessing over you. (In a good way, not a perv/stalker way, just had to clear that up)
The training was a couple of hours but you loved watching them. They had a lot of fun and it was a good change from watching the serious games when it was die or survive.
You had only sat in the stand for about half an hour when Mason texted you.
You grinned at your phone before sneaking off, sending a text to Jack just in case he would see you not there to let him know you had gone to greet the staff and get something to eat. But in reality you where hurrying into the building and around the corner.
Mason stood with a huge grin on his face, leaning against the wall waiting for you.
He didn't even say hi before gripping your arm and pulling you into some type of closet or equipment room.
He immediately towered over you with a soft grin, his hand resting on your chin.
"We really shouldn't" you sighed, tilting your head up to look at him. he was standing so close you could kiss him if you wanted to but you restrained yourself, Jack's voice repeating in the back of your mind.
"I really couldn't care less about Jack right now" he breathed, his breath fanning your face, eyes literally boring into yours. It was impossible to resist him, to resist his gorgeous eyes and inviting lips. Something just dragged you towards him. "I should care... but I don't right now" you sighed before closing the space between your lips, attacking his with yours in a heated and desperate kiss. He met you with the same hunger, lips bruising as your tongues fought for dominance.
He pushed you against the door of the small room. A moan escaping your lips before you could stop it.
Both of your clothes were gripped, desperate hands grasping the items of fabric off, desperate to feel what was underneath. Your shirt was pulled up over your breasts, your bra pulled down enough so he could grasp at them without any fabric in the way.
Your jeans were gone just as his shirt, his jeans undone showing his cock straining against the fabric of his boxers. His fingers were over your panties, rubbing your clit the best he could through the material. The touch made you whine, the lacy material causing even more friction against your sensitive nub sending your mind into mush.
"You like that huh? Can feel you soaking through" he whispered huskily against the shell of your ear causing a shiver through your body.
Your teeth chewed through your lip, trying to keep sane as he pushed his hand inside your panties.
He properly teased you, flicking one finger in and out of you, his thumb rubbing over your clit and back up over your thigh and stomach, creating a pattern to drive you crazy.
"Okay, okay" you breathed, reaching for his hand to stop his movements. He got what you signaled and stopped his fingers instead lifting you up by your thighs, pushing your back against the door further so that you were in the same height. Your arms tangled around his neck for support as he quickly swiped your underwear to the side and pushed his hips forward, teasing your slit with his tip. Anticipation coursed through your body, making you needy for him to just fuck you but Mason was a tease, and it obviously didn't matter if it was in a public restroom, an open cupboard or a bed.
Finally, finally you felt him slowly push into you, your eyes fell close as deep breaths escaped from your mouth. Your neck craned itself, resting against the door as he bottomed out inside of you.
You wanted to look at him so badly but it was hard as he began to move, instead you marveled in the small sounds he let out. Small huffs of air and small breathy moans left his lips whenever you pushed back onto him or clenched around him.
His hands were gripping you hard, nailing into your flesh as he pounded into you. It felt so much better sober, you could feel his every movement and ravel in it with a clear head. Your back hurt with every thrust as you were slammed up and into the door but it only made the whole thing better. His mouth was leaving sloppy kisses up your neck, nipping and licking over your exposed skin.
"Fuck" he mumbled into your neck as you squeezed around him again, "I'm gonna cum if you keep doing that" he breathed out.
You forced your eyes open only to see him looking at you. His lips where slightly parted and eyes shiny. He looked proper fucked and it made you grin, your hand coming up to his cheek to stroke over his scruff as he continued to pound into you. "Do it, cum for me" you whispered against his mouth. You loved the way his eyes closed momentarily, a deep breath coming out of his mouth before he started to move even harder against you, letting himself go and search for his release.
You reached down to rub your clit as you sensed he was close. Mason loved when you did that, his eyes moving back and forth from your eyes to where you were connected, watching your face contort in pleasure and your fingers brushing over yourself.
He couldn't hold himself back any longer, groaning as he came inside of you, letting himself ride out his high before slowly pulling out.
You were breathing hard, looking into his brown eyes as he kissed you slowly, sensually, intertwining his tongue with yours. We was still holding you up against the door with determination.
He searched your eyes but you weren't sure for what as he slapped your hand away that was still absentmindedly rubbing circles over your clit, replacing it with his own fingers.
You gasped at the contact, his fingers being much rougher and picking up the speed immediately, feeling much better than your own.
"Mason" you breathed out, eyes closing again "it's okay, you don't have to" you tried but he huffed out a 'no'
"If you don't want me to, tell me to stop but if not i'm not gonna let you go without making you cum."
You moaned at his words feeling the high almost snapping already. It was not like you had been far from coming before and now you where tethering over that delicious edge.
"I-I'm gonna" you tried to warn him but he already knew, watching your face and hearing your whining sounds. "I know, I know, It's okay, cum" he murmured against your jaw loving the look on your face as you let go, squirming in his hold.
Once you'd come down from your high he helped you down on your feet, both of you cleaning up as much as possible before zipping up and straightening clothing.
Masons lips were on you all the time, not wanting to let go, desperate to feel the taste and softness of your lips.
"I have to get back" you said lowly, brushing away the hair in his eyes. "Do you really?" he asked with a whine making you chuckle "I do Mason"
"Can I see you again?" he asked desperately, eyes staring into yours with need.
And just like that Jack popped into your head, a tinge of guilt settling in your stomach as you nodded slowly. "I guess" you murmured, not convinced but Mason seemed to be satisfied with that answer, kissing your lips once more "I will text you" he smiled before leaving the small room.
The guilt only grew as you slipped into the bathroom to clean up properly before grabbing something from the cafeteria and settling in the stands again. Meeting Jack's worried look turn into recognition as you waved the coffee and sandwich at him, feeling like crying at his smile.
"Bro"
Jack ignored his shout, looking the other way while walking onto the pitch, already in a sucky mood after ignoring you that morning, hating to argue and not be close.
"Bro come on can we at least talk about it?" Mason tried, jogging to catch up with his long strides.
"No Mason, don't talk to me" Jack gruffed, speeding up even more but Mason had no problems catching up while running.
"Please"
"Mason just fuck off!" he grunted out, making heads turn as they where close to the others by now.
"No I want to talk to you about this" Mason huffed stubbornly, not expecting Jack to fly around, aggressively bumping into him with force.
"I said fuck off" he grumbled warningly.
"Hey hey hey, what's going on?" John stepped in, holding a hand on each of their shoulders to separate them.
Either of them answering, Mason looked down while Jack stared daggers at him.
"What is going on?" John repeated, not asking this time.
"What is going on is that Mason here is fucking my little sister!" Jack close to shouted, all heads turning to them now.
"y/n?" John asked in confusion, Jack only getting more annoyed "Yes y/n!"
"Bro what the fuck" Kyle stepped in, looking at Mason. "You fucked y/n?"
"I didn't even know he had a sister called y/n!" Mason defended, he unlike John and Kyle didn't share the club with Jack meaning they didn't meet that often and he didn't know him as good.
"I didn't even know who she was" Mason sighed, tired of it.
"When was this?"
"At the club after the City/Chelsea game, she was there. I met her first at the stadium then again at the club and we fu-hooked up in the bathroom. I just knew her name, I didn't know she was Jack's sister" he sighed dropping his head. Kyle nodded, understanding the situation. "Jack, listen to him. He didn't know" "I don't give a fuck, if he hadn't been with her again maybe I could have thought about it but now no" "You slept with her again?" Kyle sighed, John just stood quite beside them, letting Kyle sort it out, he was better at it.
"Uh-yeah"
"Man what the fuck" Kyle groaned "Why would you do that, I get you didn't know who she was the first time but surely you must've the second time"
"He did, I saw them both after the first time" Jack grumbled, glaring murderer still.
"I did"
"So why again? You know the rule bro"
"I-I don't know, She-I" Mason stuttered, not knowing how to phrase it for Jack's ears. "She is just really intriguing okay?! I needed to check in on her after or... hookup and then we just kept on texting"
"When was the second time?" Jack groaned, not liking to hear about it at all. "When she came for training" Mason mumbled, looking down on the ground. "Fucking shit" Jack grunted "You fucked her in a fucking closet or something?"
Mason winced, giving the answer away. "Fucking shit" Jack repeated, glaring hard.
"Bro" Kyle sighed, closing his eyes like if he was dealing with two fighting children. "I get you okay, I do I would be pissed too if he slept with my sister but you gotta keep it civil at training" Kyle stated calmly.
"Ah fuck of Kyle" Jack scoffed, moving away from the group to continue with their training instead, fed up by Mason and the whole situation.
Mason felt defeated, he didn't know what he could do or say to make Jack talk to him.
You where sneaking.
You'd never sneaked with something in front of Jack before but you convinced yourself that you would hurt him more if you told him straight to his face that you were sleeping with Mason. Deep down you knew you hurt him even more by sneaking around and risking he found out about it but you couldn't stand to see the pain you would have to cause him face to face.
"Where are you going?" Jack huffed from the couch making you stop dead in your track, your brain racking for some excuse but nothing came to mind.
"y/n?"
"Uh-I'm going out..."
He raised his eyes from the tv to look at you with furrowed eyes "What's the matter with you?" he chuckled, studying your nervous stance.
You could see the exact second the penny dropped, his smile disappearing and eyes narrowing
"no"
"I'm sorry okay!?" you exclaimed, not being able to take the disappointment in his eyes as he rested his heavy look on you. "Why, just why. You know I don't want you to be with my teammates because it will stir things around in the team. How could I go there and act like nothing happened when I know he's been fucking my little sister." "I understand you, I do but just... why is it such a big deal?"
"Because!" Jack almost shouted out, frustration tearing on his every part of being.
"Because I know how he is! I know how they all are! Searching around for quick fucks, arseholes! All of them ar arseholes!"
You couldn't help the smile that tugged at your mouth at his outburst.
"I know that Jack. Come on, I know you and you are just like them but I am an adult, I promise I can care for myself. That first time I was just searching for a quick fuck and forget but then he reached out to see me again." "Don't trust him y/n, it doesn't matter if he texted you to see you again that's probably just because you were a good fuck.... oh my gosh I can't believe I just said that about my baby sister" Jack cried, rubbing his face with his hands.
You couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled out from your mouth at his dramatics, patting his leg in a try to reassure him. "I can take care of myself Jack, I'm sorry that I fucked your teammate... twice but I can take care of myself. It's not like I'm in love with the bloke"
"I don't know y/n..." he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest like a stubborn child making you sigh at him, rolling your eyes which made him sigh too, giving up this argument. "Okay okay, you do you but please, I'm warning you now and I'm not about to pick up the pieces when he does what he always does"
"It's not gonna happen Jack"
"we'll see" he huffed, standing up and striding to his room. You collapsed back on the couch, you hated arguing with him, hated making him disappointed. You felt your heart drop as you heard his door slam shut and the lock turn, he only locked when he was seriously mad.
"I'm sorry Jack" you sighed for yourself before grabbing your wallet and exiting the house.
It wasn't long to Mason's hotel, maybe it was a little too close you thought as you stepped into the elevator up to his room floor.
You were excited to see him again but you couldn't shake off Jack's disappointed look and his pleas for you to not see him anymore. But as previously all those thoughts flew away as Mason swung the door open, meeting you with his charismatic smile as he gestured you into the room.
"I didn't think you would show up" "I'm sorry, I got into this whole thing with Jack" You sighed, slumping down on the couch with a grimace. "Oh, sorry" he mumbled, looking almost timid by the way he watched you.
You waved it off observing him as he walked closer to you "Don't worry bout it he is just dramatic" you smiled a small pang of guilt settling in your chest as you uttered the words. You knew how he felt about this yet here you were, in the middle of the night in Mason's hotel room for a booty call.
"He is really not okay with this huh?" You sighed, looking into his eyes "No, not really"
He looked down on the floor, guilt settling in him too. Jack was a good friend and it was well known that relatives was off market but he hadn't known who you where that first day and then he was hooked, obsessed with the way you felt, not having it in hm to stop whatever this was.
"But let's not think about him now huh?" You smiled at him, reaching out for him as he stopped right in front of you with a soft smile playing on his lips.
"No? So what do you want to think about?"
"Hmm" you teased, feigning thinking over the question.
Your fingers tangled together behind his neck, bringing his mouth down to yours. You let your lips faintly brush over his in a teasing manner, locking eyes with his. "Your dick?"
Mason groaned quietly at your answer, a smirk taking over your face. His lips melted into you fully this time, taking control and dominating the kiss despite your tries to put up a fight.
You were pretty desperate to get to the point, wanting to forget all rational thoughts and just get lost in pleasure but Mason stopped you before you could unbutton his pants.
"No way we are doing this in the couch when we for the first time have the chance to do it for real, in a comfortable bed"
You giggled at him, pushing him off of you and standing up. "Okay then"
You sprinted to the bed, Mason close behind you before jumping into it in a fit of giggles.
Mason quickly moved over you, hovering over your face with a foolish grin, hand coming to wipe your hair away from your eyes before meeting your lips hungrily, desperate to have you for real this time. Be able to take his sweet time and love your body for real, not just fucking you quickly and messily in a club bathroom or a closet at the training ground.
"You are so so beautiful" he whispered, mouth ghosting over your lips and down your neck, your body craning back to give him more access. His lips ghosted over your ear and down to your mouth again.
"I know you said you wanted to take your time but is that really necessary?" You whined, bucking your body upwards to get in contact with him.
Mason chuckled at you, pursing his lips "It is"
You couldn't help but whine, feeling the need to get some type of relief. "It's fine" he chuckled, sliding his hands up under your shirt to grasp at your boobs. Softly squeezing them over the material.
"Just fucking take it off" you grunted annoyed, pushing him up so you could sit before ripping the shirt of your body prompting him to do the same.
You almost salivated at his naked torso, flipping him around whilst he was focusing on tossing his shirt away, catching him off guard. If he was gonna take his time you would at least be in charge, not be the one getting teased but being the one teasing.
You moved down slightly, straddling his thighs as you slowly licked a stripe up his torso over his chest. His breathing caught in his throat, eyes closing as you littered small sensual kisses all over his chest, teasingly going lower before abandoning and working upwards again.
When you teasingly licked a stripe from the edge of his jeans up his navel he grunted, painfully hard at your ministrations.
"Okay stop it now, I get your point" he breathed, trying to reach for you.
You giggled against his skin, kissing up his body until your lips met his again.
"It was you who wanted us to take our time so that's what i'm doing love"
"Okay okay but I was wrong, let's just get to it" he rushed out, a light bubble of laughter escaping your mouth. "Aww"
You grinned before moving down again. Licking teasingly over his navel and down his small happy trail whilst you unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. Helping him out of them.
A sigh of relief left his mouth as he was freed from his jeans but he was still straining in his boxers as you teasingly trailed your fingers under his boxer band.
"Stop fucking teasing!" he grunted, sitting up and taking off his jeans and boxers as you chuckled at his impatience.
You leant down, looking up at him teasingly through your lashes as you licked a stripe up his dick. You slowly and teasingly licked his tip, kissing down the base before licking your way up again.
He could almost not contain himself, his erection only getting harder and harder at your teasing movements.
"I'm gonna cum if you keep going" he gruffed out between his teeth his hips moving on their own accord. You finally took pity on him, taking him in your mouth for real, bobbing your head and sucking at his tip.
"Y/n y/n, stop stop" he panted out, clawing at your hair to get you off his dick.
You grinned at him as you released him with a pop, kissing up his chest before meeting his mouth in a needy kiss.
Mason huffed as you moved back from his lips, moving you around in a swift movement, hovering over your face.
He mirrored your previous teasing, kissing down your body, stopping at your breasts to lick and suck over them. Your eyes struggled to stay open, you teeth desperately trying to keep your soft sounds in.
Soon your jeans and underwear where discarded and he was teasing one finger through your folds, teasing your hole before softly dragging them over your clit.
"Just fuck me Mase" you whined, bucking your hips up to prove your point further, a deep chuckle rumbling from his chest as he moved up to your face again.
"Hm that's what you want?
"Yes Mase" you said lowly, rubbing your thumb over his scruff. He looked at you patiently, waiting for something more and you knew exactly what. Your eyes rolled as you clicked your tongue
"Please Mase" you muttered, slight sarcasm to your voice but Mason didn't care just narrowed his eyes at you before directing his tip to your entrance.
He didn't do anything else though, just teasing his tip at your entrance, rubbing it over your clit. His hands came to your hips as you tried to buck up to him, holding you still.
"Mason" you groaned, looking at him with a glare but that only got him to chuckle at you.
Instead of giving you what you wanted he started to tease you with his fingers again but this time he actually did something. Slowly pushing your walls apart he slid two of his fingers inside of you. Slowly moving them among your walls before hooking them to press on that perfect spot against your wall. Your eyes rolled back as your lips parted
"Yes Mase, keep doing that, keep going" you murmured, ignoring his smirk as he made you feel good.
He didn't do what you said though, stopping only a few moments later to your annoyance but this time he was done teasing, again running his dick against your sex but only for a few seconds before he slowly pushed into you.
The stretch was delicious, making your eyes shut close and breathing get heavier.
"Fuck" Mason grunted as he bottomed out "you just feel better every fucking time we do this"
You snickered at his comment, rubbing his chin lovingly as he slowly started to move, loving the way you pushed back against him every time.
He stuck to his words, taking his time. There were no desperate pounding, no messily sloppily quick fuck. He was slow in his movements, savoring the moment and you didn't mind it. Meeting his slow kisses and slow thrusts, bashing in the feeling of him. His strokes were firm, determined but slow, meeting your hips with an obscene sound.
His hands and mouth were everywhere, teasing your clit, twisting your nipple, stroking your hips, he was everywhere at the same time, overwhelming you with pleasure.
You lost track of time as you rocked together, both so into your own little bubble to think of anything else. Pleasure slowly building until it snapped, slowly dissipating before you came back to reality, your eyes opening to meet his.
-
You didn't wanna stay for long, a tinge of awkwardness settling as you sipped on your coffee, looking at him over your cup.
"I really should go" you said softly, his nod of recognition was pretty cynical as you stood up, placing the mug at the sink before grabbing your things.
"I'll text you" he said lowly, barely looking at you as you moved towards the door. You couldn't help the way your eyes rolled at his behavior, like he just a few hours ago hadn't cuddled up to you and told you how amazing you were.
"Bye Mason" you muttered, the whole thing really feeling like goodbye.
"Jack" you tried but he was relentless, pacing with such fury and determination you almost didn't dare look at him.
"How could he?!" he shouted angrily, his hands gesturing like they always did when he was angry.
"It's nothing" you tried but Jack was not giving in.
"What do you mean it's nothing y/n! It's all over the internet"
You sighed, looking down. Things haven't been going that great since you spent the night at his hotel. He had texted you to say sorry for his behavior the morning after and you'd started texting just like before. But then only a few days later there had been tabloids everywhere of him with some girl.
"Have you seen the pictures?" he asked, his voice lowering as he saw your face. It wasn't like you'd fallen head over heels for him but it still stung, it really stung.
"No"
"Ugh" he groaned "I said this was gonna happen, didn't I?" he sighed, sitting down next to you on the couch, wrapping his arms around you, your head resting on his shoulder whilst his rested on yours.
"You did" you said lowly
"But you also said you wouldn't be here when it did"
"I know" he sighed, kissing the top of your head. "But I lied, I will always be here, regardless of what I say" he said softly, making you smile.
"Thank you"
#footballer imagine#footballer fanfiction#footballer fanfic#england nt#mason mount#mason mount fanfic#mason mount fluff#mason mount smut#mason mount x reader#mason mount imagine#mason mount imagines#mason mount fanfiction#jack grealish#jack grealish fluff#jack grealish imagine#mason mount angst#manchester city#chelsea#he is not!
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the city where we live doesn't allow public barbecues so my brother fucking welded a grill to a handcart and now hosts "chill and grill sessions" where he sends all his friends his live location so they can hunt him down on their bikes with sausages in their backpacks while he carts it around evading the police like some sort of barbecue vigilante, grilling on the run. i have never been prouder of him
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jesus in the hades art style
#he came for his lost sheep and took a wrong turn#art#digital art#wolfy religious tedtalks#jesus christ#bible#hades game#hades supergiant
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The zoo in my hometown posted this picture of one of their cheetah cubs and I'm obsessed
HIS NAME IS YAM ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDINF ME
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thought I was muted and just had this exchange with a coworker on a zoom call
#he went sorry? I said nothing#but i wanted to say#is to blow up….#performative journaling#op#friendpilled visitmaxxer
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I also think that all the "um okay knives out & glass onion were good. Wrap it up now" posts are so funny. You're tripping if you think there's not going to be at least five Benoit Blanc films lol
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#oh my god?????#txt#STOP FOLLOWING US!!! WE DONT POST LIKE THIS. WE POST JFK RPF#'blah hah hah and everyone clapped' don't you want to live in a world of beauty? with us?#‘why can’t i reblog this?’ Because trads started going He dodged a bullet in our notifications
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remembering the time i drunkenly told a stranger i was a trans man and he started going off about alpha sigma and beta males and how each one was equally important no matter what anyone says and that i shouldn't feel pressured to be a strong alpha male because emotionally intelligent beta males were just as important
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BRUH a dude I know from work came in for the first time in months and I thought he looked different but couldn't figure out why?? So I asked if he'd changed his hair and he was like "BITCH I GOT TOP SURGERY"
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kabru is so fucking funny. he’s out here playing 15 dimensional manipulation mind chess with a guy whose hobby is barking like a dog
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People are so stupid about snakes. If there's a little black racer chilling outside just leave it alone, you don't have to kill it, it's probably dealing with all your pests for you, jesus christ
#anyway I'm sad#I even offered to move it myself yesterday and was told they couldn't find him#and then this morning apparently they did find him and just killed him immediately#it's just a little snake! he was outside!#they aren't venomous!
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did some math based on adventurer's bible stuff about average sizes of tallmen & half-foots & the canon heights of the characters and. chilchuck is the half-foot equivalent of 6'5
#mickbell voice chilchuck that beanpole fuck why is he so tall#the rest of kabru's party: ???????#btw laios knows how freakishly tall chilchuck is#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims
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Knowledge Revenge.
#dungeon meshi#chilchuk tims#senshi#Somewhat of an unofficial sequel to the Dragon Comic. I promise I have more versatility in my jokes. I just had to take this opportunity.#Senshi is pretty much a recluse. I think he would know a few of these 'gottems' but not all.#Chilchuck would know gottems that are nearly lost to time. The deep cuts. The ones that you fall for because they are that obscure.#I would also like to take a moment to confess that after the last comic in which I posed a gottem -#I fell victim to a Mind Goblin Attack. I was thoroughly got. I will be on higher alert this time.#So NOBODY be funny in the tags. I am gullible and I like to share things with my friends. Who are *ruthless*.#I have a mild resistance to Vicious Mockery at this point but I can only take so much.#Happy Thistle Thursday Everyone! See you next week!
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reblog if you agree
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