#he hates you soooooo bad. but sure tell him what fish you swallowed whole and spat out the bones like a cartoon. you goddamn looney tune.

[loveoaths]

i find it endlessly amusing that in canon, jar jar binks and maul are fundamentally opposites and yet in terms of life achievements, jar jar whips maul’s pointy ass by a standard mile???

consider: jar jar is a clumsy goofy son of a bitch who, by all rights, should have died 27 times by now simply by tripping over his own feet. instead, he is somehow friend of the jedi, a member of the galactic senate and representative for gungan naboo, regularly called upon to help with jedi/senate business that requires his connections and expertise, is dating a magic nympho bird queen, summoned an underwater caterpillar to gank some separatists just by being nice to it, helped stop the blue lily virus from spreading a pandemic to the entire galaxy, and is a goddamn war hero. jar jar is not always brave or smart but he is always kind, and his kindness and, frankly, his clumsiness, regularly get him out of trouble and save the day. jar jar always gets exactly what he wants COMPLETELY BY ACCIDENT.

meanwhile, maul is a super eloquent and talented apprentice and Sith Lord who: gets cut in half by a twunk and tossed down an evil elevator shaft, runs a crime syndicate but LOSES IT ALL, rules mandalore but LOSES IT because of his own actions, goes crazy in a hole for ten years, gets rejected by not one but THREE potential evil apprentices, and who genuinely tries extremely hard and always gets close to his goals, but is always thwarted at the last second by his own base impulses. everything he strives for turns to ash in his hands because he only knows how to burn.

can you imagine how pissed Maul would be if he tried to assassinate jar jar and FAILED? like maul is pulling out every stop in the book and jar jar is just tripping, pratfalling, and generally buggs bunnying his way out of everything, all while totally not knowing maul desperately wants to kill him. so badly. in fact jar jar thinks they’re best friends and is so chummy with him. it is humiliating.

maul’s greatest enemies in his life, from least to greatest, are obi wan kenobi, darth sidious, and jar jar fucking binks.