#he has my love always and I wish him nothing but happiness and health for today and this new year~

[miramizar]

🩶 ~Happy Birthday Jongdae~ 🩶

✫ credits: x x x x ✫

[bvidzsoo]

Is Santa the new Cupid?

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x gender neutral reader

❆ Warning: none, no usage of Y/N ❆ Word count: 5.9k ❆ Rating: sfw ❆ Genre: holiday themed, office romance, mutual pinning, brother's best friend, fluff ❆ Summary: With the holiday's rolling around, everyone is in a festive spirit. You're not a huge fan of Christmas, but your brother is, so, he organises a Secret Santa themed party at work. What you don't expect, however, is for him to scheme to try and bring you together with your work crush.

A/N: ~Ho, ho, ho, @hee0soo your Secret Santa is here! ^^ I hope this story is to your liking and that you will enjoy it! As for everyone else, hello, my lovelies! This is a little event I partook in, and I'd like to thank @cromernet for hosting it, being in this server has been nothing but a pleasure! <3 To those who celebrate it, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas, and to those who don't, a well earned rest and an overall joyful time! I hope everyone will enjoy this little piece, and if I don't write anything in the upcoming days, then I wish you a Happy New Year, and I shall see you in the next year! Thank you for being here and for supporting me, for all the feedback and kindness, you make writing a little more pleasant! I'll let you go on and read now, I hope you enjoy! Your feedback is always appreciated! <33 divider

            The holidays had always been a mess. No matter where you looked, people were stressing about getting the perfect gifts, the most glamorous outfits, the best seasoning for their food, and the most colourful decorations they could get their hands on. The sight was enough to send you into another spiral of why you thought this whole fussing about a celebration—that not everyone celebrates, by the way—was so unnecessary and only damaging your health, raising your cortisol levels. But alas, this is how the world worked, and you couldn’t go against it. Your flat was minimally decorated, and you were still debating whether you’d get a Christmas tree this year or not. There was no point in throwing out money if you weren’t wholeheartedly in tune with the whole holiday…that is unless your nosy brother decides to take over your flat like last year and turn it into a whole Christmas fest. You swear you were finding glitter even a month later in places like your salt shaker and the medical cabinet in your bathroom. Seonghwa loved everything shiny, so when his lovely sibling refused to abide by his wishes, he put his persuasive skills to use and coerced you into the most blinding corset you could have ever found. Which brings us to the current time, with you hiding out in your brother’s office and furiously scrubbing at the stained red glitter. Nothing was working, your co-worker’s red wine would be forever embedded into your pricey piece of clothing.

You didn’t blame him, it was an unfortunate accident. The waiter was walking by with a tray filled with cheese when your co-worker had thrust his hand backwards, calling for a disaster. Which happened mere seconds later when the beverage sloshed all over your chest and the top of the sweetheart neckline of your corset. You sighed as you gave it one last try, perhaps if you put more passion into it then you might be able to make the stain fade a little bit. The fabric of the corset was a bright red and the dark stain was rather visible despite the glittery studs that covered it. You had told Seonghwa that the outfit was a bit too much for an office Christmas party, but he only told you to suck it up and wear it unless you didn’t want to be on theme. Which you were, thanks to your brother, except that seemingly everyone else had gone for more casual or silly outfits, and here were you…wearing a sexy sparkly—now ruined—corset, and some black wide-legged pants that hid the stilettos which matched the colour of your top. With a frustrated groan, you flopped into the chair placed in front of your brother’s desk and closed your eyes, accepting your fate.

You would’ve further ruined the fabric at this point if you kept on scrubbing the way you were, and that would be a waste of Seonghwa’s money…since he was the one to get you this outfit. He was rather pushy this year, it was suspicious, but you didn’t question it. Your brother had always been a bit weird, particular about the things he liked, and a perfectionist in everything he did…but at least he spoiled you well, so you couldn’t really complain. The cacophony of the ongoing party from beyond the door reminded you that you couldn’t hide out in your brother’s office anymore, so you took a deep breath and told yourself that everyone would understand how the stain got there without ridiculing you. Your co-worker already felt terrible for being so clumsy, and you weren’t even mad at him. The door which you had left ajar was suddenly flung open, and your eyes widened when you saw who had walked inside. Great, just what you needed…your work crush to see you in this state of despair when today was supposed to be filled with jolliness. You quickly stood and dusted off your pants out of habit, trying to keep yourself calm and collected…which was something you often failed to do in Kim Hongjoong’s presence.

He wore something similar, suspiciously, and for a millisecond you wondered if this was Seonghwa’s work, who wasn’t just your brother, but also Hongjoong’s best friend. When you say work crush…you mean the longest crush you’ve had on anyone since you’ve been hopelessly pinning on Hongjoong since like…high school. Embarrassing, but you were a few years younger, and Hongjoong was too cool to notice you or regard you as anyone else than his best friend’s younger sibling. Hongjoong’s cat-like eyes widened as the two of you stared at each other wordlessly, and you realized his blazer looked an awful lot like your corset. It was the same shade and had the same sparkly studs, the shoulders were puffed out, and it was cropped, stopping right above Hongjoong’s waist. He had always been stylish, and he loved going all out at events like this one. His long black pants reached below his ankles, and the huge black bow tied around his waist truly elevated the whole look. His satin white shirt was spotless, unlike your stained corset. You wished you had something to cover it with…you supposed perfectionism ran in the family, after all.

“Hi.” Hongjoong broke your wordless staring contest, and you gulped down your nerves, trying to smile at him. You’ve been working together for two years, for God’s sake, you couldn’t freeze anytime Hongjoong even as much as looked at you.

“Hi.” You greeted back lamely, and you were thankful that your voice wasn’t squeaky at least. Hongjoong’s eyes took a quick sweep of your body, and you fought against yourself to keep at bay the blush blooming over your cheeks.

“Is everything okay?” Hongjoong, the ever-considerate guy he was, asked with a concerned look on his face, “I saw you storm off and…I thought maybe something happened.”

How could you not have a crush on this man when he acted like this?

“Oh, I’m alright, don’t worry.” Except that you weren’t exactly, and you knew he could see it on your face, so, you sighed defeated, “Well, okay, Mingi spilt his wine on me and now my corset is stained…and I hate it because everyone can see it.”

You were pouting as you looked down at the darker spot on your corset, and maybe you became a bit sulkier when Hongjoong just chuckled. He looked adorable with his lips curling upward, fighting the urge to outwardly laugh in your face. That was nice of him, you were glad he was nice enough to not make fun of you…not that Hongjoong would make fun of anyone, he was the first one to shut down even the hint of bullying if he came across it.

“Sounds like it’s the end of the world,” Hongjoong teased you, and you rolled your eyes in exchange, “Did you bring a blazer?”

“No,” You shook your head, flopping back down on the chair, “Only a huge fur coat, and I can’t wear that in here…especially since it’s white and people like Mingi exist.”

That made Hongjoong laugh as he nodded, his eyebrows furrowing in thought, “Well, I also suppose you didn’t bring a backup outfit?”

“No, Hongjoong,” You sighed, “Not everyone is as well prepared as you are.”

He hummed knowingly, his office having a wardrobe dedicated to outfits Hongjoong brought in for emergency meetings or occasions. He was well prepared, and most importantly, always well dressed. He had been like that since high school, wearing the edgiest outfits he could find, painting his nails, and experimenting with his hairstyles. Something he hadn’t stopped doing ever since, hence his two-coloured hair at the moment. His middle part was perfect, the left side of his hair bleached blonde while the right side remained a raven black. It looked good on him, too good, and it brought back memories of when he had tried it out for the first time in his final year of college. Just remembering it made you almost blush again, the image of screaming about it into a pillow after running into Hongjoong was still too vivid in your mind.

“Allow me to help you out then, stay here.” Before you could question Hongjoong, he was already out of the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts and a racing heart. What could he possibly have in mind? You had always seen him as a creative person—I mean, he really was considering the fact he was in charge of the graphic design department—and he had never shied away from a little challenge. Except that, he wasn’t facing a challenge right now, and you wondered what he had in mind since it brought that excited glint in his eyes, it happened whenever he thought of something brilliant. Because honestly, all of Hongjoong’s ideas were brilliant. You couldn’t help but admire him for being always ahead of the deadlines and thinking up new innovative ways that made you the best on the market. He was a great asset to your brother’s company, everyone valued and respected Hongjoong for all the dedication and hard work he put into his craft.

You were startled out of your thoughts as Hongjoong returned, holding a satin shirt on a green hanger. He had a grin on his lips as you stood, watching him approach you, ultimately making your heart hammer in your chest.

“So, you can borrow this for the evening.” Hongjoong said with a smile, taking the shirt off the hanger as he came to stand in front of you, “It’ll cover up the stain, and won’t make you feel too warm either.”

“Oh, I…that’s so kind of you, but I can’t accept it—”

“Nonsense,” Hongjoong chuckled, brushing you off without hesitation, “Do you want me to help you wear it?”

That would’ve been really embarrassing, so you quickly shook your head and took the shirt from his hands, your fingers accidentally brushing. Your cheeks were burning, and you avoided looking Hongjoong in the eyes as you carefully wore his shirt, trying to keep your screaming thoughts at bay. This felt like a daydream taken straight out of your teenage years. The seventeen-year-old you would be fainting right now if they were to know this would happen years later, even if Hongjoong wasn’t your boyfriend. The fabric was soft and didn’t feel suffocating, and you tried to ignore Hongjoong’s expensive cologne that seemed to cling to it. It had a hint of sweetness in it, but it was rather masculine and woody otherwise. And despite your family being gifted by the gods of height, you didn’t inherit that gene, which made you smaller than even Hongjoong, who wasn’t the tallest of people. The sleeves of the shirt covered your fingers, only your sparkly red nails visible—which was another scheme pulled by Seonghwa. You rarely did your nails red, let alone sparkly.

“Thank you, Hongjoong.” You said quietly, trying not to chew on your bottom lip since it would ruin your lipgloss, making your teeth tinted. And then, as if your heart wasn’t about to malfunction already, Hongjoong stepped closer to adjust the collar of his shirt. You froze and peeked up at him through your eyelashes, watching as a soft smile appeared on his lips. A few black strands fell into his eyes, and you could tell he had used a bit of dark eyeshadow to sharpen his eyes more, giving it depth. His skin was perfect and his pretty lips were red from the cherry lip balm he’s been using since forever.

“There, now it’s perfect,” Hongjoong muttered more to himself, still smoothing down the collar as he started helping you button up the shirt since you had forgotten you were supposed to do that in the first place. Your fingers trembled slightly from the adrenaline rush in your system, and you bit your bottom lip when your knuckles brushed against Hongjoong’s as your hands met while doing the buttons. Hongjoong huffed in amusement, then grabbed your arms to look at the sleeves. You watched him as you let him do as he wished, and he rolled up the sleeve twice so that it would fit you nicely. He looked gorgeous from up close, especially when he was in his element, doing what he liked the most. Sometimes you wondered why he hadn’t become a stylist, his vision was so beautiful, and you had seen the sketches he had made recently. You just knew his brand would be successful all around the world, his designs delicate and modest, but elegant and full of glamour. Now that the shirt was all done, all you had to do was put the hem inside your pants so that you didn’t look like you had just gotten out of bed and borrowed your boyfriend’s clothes.

You blushed even harder at the thought of Hongjoong being your boyfriend, and you were alarmed to find him already looking at you when you peeked at him. Hongjoong’s ears were redder than before, and he had a sheepish smile on his face. His cheeks were dusted a light pink too, and you wondered if his heart was racing as much as yours. You cleared your throat to thank him for his help when there was a loud knock on the open door, making you both jump. Hongjoong whirled around and awkwardly put some distance between you and himself as Seonghwa’s otherwise round eyes were now sharp and narrowed, a knowing smirk on his lips.

“Would you look at that! The two who were missing from the party, fraternizing in my office…” Seonghwa’s tone had a hint of teasing in it as he raised an eyebrow, his eyes slipping from you to his best friend. Hongjoong laughed awkwardly and rubbed his nape, throwing you a glance before he looked back at Seonghwa.

“I was just—”

“Is that Hongjoong’s shirt?” Seonghwa didn’t let his best friend speak as he pointed at you, now both eyebrows raised in surprise. You nodded, ready to explain yourself, but Seonghwa clearly didn’t care, “Did I miss something? Either way, it looks lovely on you, dear, even if it’s a bit too…roomy?”

“Seonghwa—”

Clearly, when your brother had set his mind onto something, he just wouldn’t listen to anyone, “I’m all for offering my office up to those in need, but maybe you should use Hongjoong’s the next time you want to cosy up. In fact—I might even give you, dear, an office. You’ve earned it after the year we had.”

You narrowed your eyes at your brother, opening your mouth to speak up, but he raised his hand, “Come on now, I’m about to make my speech and you’ll have to swap your presents.”

Right, the presents…for the person you had randomly picked out of a small vase. And that person was…Hongjoong, as cliché as that sounds. You cleared your throat as Seonghwa turned his back to you and Hongjoong, who gave you a curt nod and followed after his best friend in order to give you privacy so you could fix the shirt. You took a deep breath and stuffed the fabric into your pants, glad that you had worn a belt since it cut the outfit in half nicely.

The company was packed with employees, everyone looking excited as Seonghwa made his way towards the fake podium he had giddily asked Hongjoong to make for him. He had a microphone and everything to make it more enjoyable for him, all placed in front of the massive Christmas tree that had been a hassle to get inside the office, but also to decorate. Your brother’s company wasn’t huge, and that was exactly why it worked so well. Everyone was eager to move forward and make something bigger than them, so the community was tight-knit and hard-working. You were on the sales team, not quite in the leader position yet, but you were getting there. You enjoyed what you did and that was all that mattered, plus, the paycheck was pretty nice. And anytime you didn’t like something, you could always bug the CEO until he finally gave in to you…those were the perks of involving your family with your business, much to Seonghwa’s dismay at times.

You took your place behind your tallest co-workers, who were huddled together and watching something on Yunho’s phone. The waiter walked towards you and handed you a glass of champagne to toast with once your brother was done with his speech, and you couldn’t help but grin when Hongjoong came to stand next to you. He returned your grin, and when you looked away, he continued to stare at you with adoration, thinking to himself how cute you looked wearing his shirt. Hongjoong quickly shook his head to clear his thoughts and focus on his best friend, who was standing on the podium made by him, grinning from ear to ear.

“Thank you, everyone, for attending this little party. I am more than elated to announce that we have come close to another end of year where I can confidently say our company’s been doing better than ever. I am proud and happy to have a team so dedicated as you guys, and I hope the next year holds even greater things for us. Maybe the next party will be held on a private island, at the company’s expense, of course.” People chuckled around you, everyone was well aware you weren’t doing that well yet, but that was the goal. Mingi noticed you stood behind him and gave you a pout, making you pat his shoulder as Yunho glanced between you and Hongjoong, then grinned, “We’ve had our ups and downs this year, perhaps have faced even more challenges than before, but with everyone’s help, we pushed through and made the biggest profit of the company so far. I truly am so proud of each one of you, because, without you, I wouldn’t be standing here, able to live the dreams I’ve had since I was a kid. Before I end my speech, I’d like to especially thank Kim Hongjoong for bringing in our biggest partner, and for having great ideas that pushed our company towards success. When we were teenagers, everything that we have today was just a far-fetched dream, and now…we have it, Hongjoong, we did it, brother. I think it’s time we celebrate as we should.”

Everyone cheered as you watched your brother get teary-eyed, looking at Hongjoong with deep respect and love on his face. Hongjoong raised his glass of champagne and tipped it in Seonghwa’s direction, his composure collected, but you could see he had gotten a bit teary-eyed too. You smiled fondly as you watched your brother run his fingers through his long hair, a habit when he was nervous, and then he raised his glass, prompting the others to do so as well.

��Let us celebrate now, but please don’t mess up the electricity wiring like last year, I still have no idea how that happened…” Everyone looked amused as Seonghwa shook his head, then tipped his champagne back, and you followed as you took an experimental sip. It was a bit bitter and too bubbly, but you took a larger gulp out of respect for Seonghwa, “And now, let us open the presents! I hope nobody forgot whose Secret Santa they were!”

Right, the dreaded moment had come. You handed your glass of champagne to Yunho when you noticed he was already finished with his, and he gave you a wink as he quickly downed your champagne too. Now that the moment everyone had been waiting for came, you all migrated towards the big round table that was littered with gifts inside wrapping paper and small winter-themed bags. Yours was a smaller package with a blue font and white snowflakes on it, placed right in the middle of the table. You waited until you made it closer to the table, then leaned over to grab it with sweaty hands. You were nervous, but you were more scared that Hongjoong would hate his present. You truly hoped he didn’t, but then again, even if he did, you’d never be able to tell…Hongjoong had a great poker face. You turned around and looked for him, only to find him already approaching you. Surely, he wasn’t…wait, you quickly looked towards your brother, who was already watching you with an amused smirk. God, this is why you didn’t like telling Seonghwa anything about your crushes…he had always meddled, even back in high school.

You wanted the earth to eat you up as Hongjoong smiled at you sweetly, looking a bit embarrassed as he came to stand in front of you, “So, uh, we meet again.”

God, he could be so awkward at times, you chuckled embarrassed, “Right, as if we weren’t standing next to each other a second ago.”

But you weren’t better either, Mingi and Yunho, who had also somehow picked each other, snorted as they passed by you and Hongjoong, having overheard your conversation. Gosh, this was so embarrassing, you wanted to flip Seonghwa off and then drag him to his office and lecture him. You were pretty sure this wasn’t done by accident, there was no way on earth both Hongjoong and you had picked each other randomly.

“So, I know you don’t like the whole holiday season that much, but uhm, Merry Christmas.” Hongjoong handed you his gift with both hands, his eyes twinkling with excitement, and suddenly you didn’t hate the thought of gift-giving and receiving that much. You took your gift and handed him his.

“Merry Christmas, Hongjoong, and thank you for the gift too.” It felt awkward standing like that there, facing each other like two strangers, so you took your courage in your hands and stepped forward to hug him. Hongjoong’s eyes widened once he realised your intention, but he opened his arms as you came to hold his torso, making sure you wouldn’t dirty his blazer with your makeup despite it being transfer-proof. You could feel your heart hammer against your chest, and you hoped Hongjoong couldn’t feel it as he embraced you, holding you close as suddenly slow music started playing through the speakers. You knew it was Seonghwa’s doing because you could practically feel his eyes on you, but you ignored your annoying brother and focused on Hongjoong’s warmth instead. But to your surprise, he started slowly swaying the two of you to the rhythm of the song, humming next to your ear. You were both still holding your gifts, and the distance between your bodies made it a little awkward, but you weren’t about to say anything. Hongjoong has never held you like this before, you felt like you were soaring through the sky right now as you tried not to inhale loudly, hoping his scent would never leave your nostrils.

“We might as well dance since we are already embracing…” Hongjoong muttered and you hummed, stepping closer so that you could hold each other better. Your face was beat red and your stomach was doing back flips, but you were smiling so widely your cheeks hurt. You couldn’t be too sure that Hongjoong liked you back, there were small moments when he had tried getting closer or did something that was beyond a friendly gesture, but you didn’t want to face heartbreak in case this was just a one-sided crush…which it most probably was. You didn’t really think he’d finally notice you after all those years you had known each other, you also didn’t think you were much his type. He had always dated people who were like him, creative and basically in love with life, happy to be alive and ready to discover everything. You were more of the quiet type, content with living a comfortable life and never going out of your way to do too much. You liked your space and security, planning ahead and having a vision that would help you stay aligned with your purpose and wishes. Hongjoong wasn’t as organised and he went with the flow, unafraid and unapologetic. And despite the two of you being so different, you couldn’t help but find him the most interesting person you had ever come across.

            After an hour or so of dancing and enjoying your time with your co-workers, you were ready to take a breather. It was too cold outside and you were too overheated to go out, you couldn’t risk catching a cold right around the holidays, so you went back to the round table and took a seat, reaching for a clean cup to pour some peach juice for yourself. You didn’t get the chance to open your gift from Hongjoong yet, so, you grabbed it off the table again and looked through it, your eyes widening when you realised what Hongjoong had gotten for you. You had a bunny at home, a sweet little white thing called Star because it was supposed to be Seonghwa’s initially, but he had discovered he was allergic to her, so he had to give her away. Seonghwa and you had always loved bunnies, so your brother knew she was in safe hands with you. And Hongjoong, the always thoughtful person, had bought various treats for your little Star. But that wasn’t everything, a pink princess costume was packed neatly inside the bag as well, making you grin from ear to ear. Star would look lovely in that, Seonghwa will absolutely love it too once you send him pictures.

But that wasn’t all as you reached inside to grab the small jewellery box, your mouth felt a little bit dry. You paused and looked around, wanting to make sure no one was watching you, but secretly you were also looking for Hongjoong. He was on the dance floor, entertaining Yunho and Mingi who were spinning him around. Hongjoong’s cheeks were red and he kept laughing, the contagious sound reached your ears and made you smile as something warm spread through your chest. Gosh, sometimes you really wish you didn’t have a crush on the most adorable man in the whole world. Glancing back down at your last gift, you braced yourself and opened it up, only for your jaw to drop open. There, in the dainty box, sat a rose gold necklace with a diamond pendant. It wasn’t the fact that Hongjoong had gifted you a diamond necklace that made your heart race, but the fact that you’ve always wanted one in this style. Maybe some would consider you shallow, but you have always liked diamonds. They were gorgeous in the light, and if the stone wasn’t too big, it looked gorgeous. You gulped, suddenly overwhelmed with emotions because you had been mentioning the fact that you’d want to buy yourself a diamond necklace once you could afford it ever since you were just a little kid. To be fair, you had always thought Seonghwa would be the one to surprise you and gift you this, but coming from Hongjoong…you tried to gulp down the lump in your throat.

This wasn’t helping with your one-sided crush, because now all you wanted to do was run up to Hongjoong and kiss him while you cried. The fact that he had even paid enough attention to remember your biggest wish managed to knock you breathless, you needed a second to gather yourself. Your hands shook slightly as you raised it to your eyes, taking in the pendant, and admiring its beauty. It was perfect. The same size and shape you had always envisioned, it was modest and gorgeous. You released a shuddering breath just as you realised someone was approaching you, and your eyes were a little watery as you looked up. Seonghwa had a soft smile on his lips as he walked up to you, and then crouched down in front of you.

“Hey,” He greeted you softly, looking down at the necklace in your hands. He didn’t even seem surprised, he looked pleased as he hummed, looking back up at you, “You opened your presents, I see. I bet you love it, don’t you?”

“It’s a diamond necklace, Hwa,” You whispered, eyes widening slightly, “From Hongjoong. This is…crazy. I know I’ve been mentioning it for ages, but I didn’t think that he…”

Seonghwa raised his eyebrows at you as you trailed off, seemingly lost for words, “That he was listening? Hongjoong has always paid attention to you, dear.”

Really? Was that true? Seonghwa wouldn’t lie to you, you felt your heart race all of a sudden. Seonghwa reached out and took the necklace from your hands, walking around you once he stood up. He pulled your hair to the side and clipped the necklace in place, making you reach up to touch the pendant. It was the perfect length too, why was Hongjoong so perfect when he couldn’t even be yours? You sniffed and willed your tears to go away, pouting a little as Seonghwa walked around to come face-to-face with you again. He grinned and grabbed your hands, pulling you up.

“Don’t cry, you’ll ruin your pretty makeup,” He teased you with a wink and you groaned, bottling your feelings up for later, when you were alone and in the safety of your apartment, where only Star could witness your crying session, “I know it’s not technically Christmas yet and that we’ll see each other back home in less than three days for the annual feast, but I got you a present too.”

See, there was no denying that Seonghwa and you were siblings. You grinned and reached inside your pants pocket, grabbing the Spa Coupon you had gotten for him.

“You deserve to relax, you’ve done a lot for the company.” Seonghwa patted your head, messing up your hair a little bit in true brother fashion, “And you can’t use your phone while you’re there, dear, that’s not how you relax.”

Seonghwa handed over the small ticket, and you stared at it for a second before you burst out laughing. His eyebrows furrowed as he watched you, but then his face turned incredulous before he started laughing too once you handed him your gift for him. Seonghwa had bought you a Spa Coupon too, from the same place you had bought his too. You laughed as you waved your coupons at each other, already knowing you’d get a scolding from your mother for not being a bit more creative with your gifts.

“Wait, don’t tell me you got one for mom too…” Seonghwa trailed off, his eyes widening slightly.

“Let me guess, you got one for dad too?” You raised an eyebrow and Seonghwa nodded innocently, prompting you to shake your head as you both snickered.

“Well, seems like we’ll be spending some quality time as a family over the break.” Seonghwa grinned, pocketing his coupon, and then he placed his hands behind his back, looking somewhere behind you.

“Ugh, great, now mom won’t get off my back about me finding a boyfriend somehow finally.” You grimaced, not keen on going home only to listen to your mother’s nagging. She never stopped asking, never stopped trying to set you up on blind dates. It was annoying because she never did that for Seonghwa…at least you had a crush, he couldn’t even bother with that.

“Speaking of boyfriends…” Seonghwa wriggled his eyebrows and you groaned, ready to deny whatever he was about to say, but it wasn’t what you were expecting, “Did you notice you were sitting under a mistletoe?”

“What?” You muttered, looking up confused. Now how the hell did that get there? If you reckon correctly, it wasn’t there like half an hour ago, you had come to the table to grab a drink and it wasn’t there, so how—Seonghwa. The answer was always Seonghwa, “I swear to God, Hwa, you’re my brother. What are you plotting? I refuse to peck even as much as your cheek.”

“I won’t even get a hug?” Seonghwa fake pouted, his eyes glinting wickedly. Nothing good came when Seonghwa had that look in his eyes, you gulped nervously.

“No, now—”

“Fine.” Seonghwa sighed exaggeratedly, “Hate me all you want, but I’m the best brother in the world. If you won’t show me some love, I know exactly who else you could cheer up right now—Hongjoong, can you come over for a little bit?!”

Your eyes widened and you whacked Seonghwa in the chest, turning around frantically. Oh no, Hongjoong was already approaching with a skip in his step, unassuming of what he was walking up to. His cheeks were flushed and his hair was deliciously brushed back, his blazer gone and the top buttons of his shirt undone.

“Yeah? You need something?” He called as he walked around the table and Seonghwa stepped aside, making your eyes widen.

“Sure, come here for a second,” Seonghwa said nonchalantly, and by the time you opened your mouth to tell Hongjoong not to fall for Seonghwa’s trap, it was too late. Seonghwa stepped aside and lightly pushed Hongjoong towards you, making both of you panic as you grabbed Hongjoong’s arm so he wouldn’t accidentally fall.

“What—”

“Attention, everyone!” Seonghwa called loudly, shouting over the music, and you were terrified. Hongjoong looked rather confused and looked at you for an answer that you couldn’t formulate at the moment, “We have our first couple under the mistletoe for the night! Now, kiss!”

Everyone was watching the two of you now, and you wanted to strangle Seonghwa as he smirked at you pleased, throwing him a wink when Hongjoong gave your brother a flabbergasted look. He slowly looked up, then back at you, and you started sweating.

“Uhm, we don’t have to, obviously. This tradition is silly, I don’t—”

But it was too late, the whole office was chanting, “Kiss, kiss, kiss!”

Hongjoong had turned red in the face, it went down even to his neck. He gulped and chuckled awkwardly, and you felt horrible. Of course, he wouldn’t want to kiss you, this was terrible and you felt humiliated. Just as you were about to excuse yourself and run off, Hongjoong cleared his throat.

“Well, this isn’t how I wished for our first kiss to happen, but…” He motioned around himself, at all the people staring at you expectantly, “May I kiss you?”

“You—I’m sorry, but—you want to kiss me?” You sputtered out, feeling a bit lightheaded.

“I’ve wanted to for ages.” Hongjoong chuckled and scratched the back of his head. He was blushing and so were you, your heart thudding in your chest as Hongjoong licked his lips, waiting for your answer.

“Yes, okay, yeah, kiss me, Hongjoong.” Damn Seonghwa and everyone else for cheering upon hearing your words, but maybe it was worth it as Hongjoong giggled while leaning in, his eyes fluttering closed. His lips were soft and tasted like cherry, and you felt like pudding as your lips locked in an innocent peck that lasted for a second too long. You felt like a teenager all over again, and if seventeen years old you could catch a glimpse into the future and see this exact moment, she’d definitely pass out.

“So, do you want to go on a date tomorrow?”

“God, yes, Hongjoong, please.”

Yeah, seventeen-year-old you would not survive this.

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[citrusandrottefruit]

Diagnosed with Hanahaki, a genetic autoimmune disease, as a child, Steve has learned to live with it. Along the way, he finds a family and falls in love with Eddie. He is never cured, but he lives.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Some thoughts on this

The conversation with Jonathan and Nancy couldn't be called easy, but it was manageable enough for Steve to do it at a time that wasn't even planned. Maybe it was the lack of planning that made it easier, maybe it was the practice he'd been getting over the last few weeks. 

Jonathan apologized profusely, for the pictures he'd taken in '83, for the punch, and for having gotten together with Nancy before she and Steve had actually broken up. Nancy was a little more complicated. Her apologies only came after a lot of pointing out, about all the times she hadn't noticed what was going on with Steve, and she ended up feeling so bad and guilty that Steve almost had to console her.

Luckily, Jonathan had the good sense to try to hold back their emotional response for later, and they both tried to act normally. The next time they met, it was impossible for Steve to help but notice how worn out they both looked, with even bigger bags under their eyes than usual. So, they had to talk a second time, just to make sure that no, Hanahaki didn't start because of either of them and with everything related to the Upside Down happening, they were far from having caused his health to worsen.

It was a lie, but there was no point in wanting them to blame each other after all this time, especially just because of Hanahaki. Steve wished things between the three of them had been simpler, but the illness had nothing to do with it. And after all, compared to everything that had happened, it wasn't that important.

In the midst of all this, he kept talking to Eddie. He shared the fact that his parents' marriage seemed to have improved after his mother was diagnosed and he had never been able to understand that.

He told her how his mother seemed like the protagonist of a dramatic movie, always suffering with such elegance. He remembered one week, when she was bedridden at home, he had to get up very early to get her makeup and help her brush her hair, even though a nurse would come in later and do exactly the same thing.

When he asked about it, his mother said, “I don’t want to be seen like that, Steve.” 

At the time, he didn’t understand, but he was happy to be of service. Months later, when he was diagnosed, he remembered that day and was even more confused, because it was so tiring just to exist, how could he care how shiny his hair looked? When his cheeks were flushed and his lips were soft? 

It took him years to realize why it felt so good to try to take care of his appearance when there was so little he could do for his own body. It was comforting.

But he didn’t share that memory with Eddie. Not yet. 

He just kept talking about his parents. About how Mrs. Harrington liked to have romantic dinners regularly and she had mentioned about ten honeymoons. It was one of her favorite topics of conversation, and she especially loved trying new hobbies or even sports during those trips. His father was okay with it, just so she would be happy.

“I don’t think she wanted to be a mother, just my father’s wife.”

“Absurd!” Eddie exclaimed, anger hidden under theatrics. He let go of the steering wheel for a moment before gripping it tightly, pulling the van into the center of the correct lane. That day, Steve had his monthly checkup and Eddie asked to accompany him, promising a movie afterwards, in a neighboring city. “How could anyone choose your father over you?”

And there it was, once again, Eddie’s ability to make the wounds that Steve hadn’t even mentioned hurt less.

“It’s just that she’s always been in love with him. When I was a kid, I thought it was the most romantic thing in the world. I even wanted to have the same thing.” He laughed thinking about the absurdity of it. “To love so much that even if that person made me feel so much pain, they would also make me very happy.” Steve sighed, serious again. “But I still want someone who would stay with me on a romantic night or sleep in an uncomfortable chair in the hospital.”

Before Eddie had time to say anything, he turned up the volume of the music.

A few hours later, he confessed that Mr. Harrington was that person to his mother, but not in the right way. Because he indulged in his illness almost like a hobby, very involved in it until he was not around Mrs. Harrington and something else caught his attention. 

Steve noticed this when his father called and informed him, very casually, that she was in the ICU. He would spend a fortune to make her live well, yet he seemed barely able to realize that her life was in danger.

A few days later, with the test results in hand and feeling stronger, he invited the kids over for a movie night at his apartment. Hopper offered to help tell them and was so worried that he decided to spend the night at a diner when Steve refused. Joyce, less extreme, promised to be just a phone call away. 

Jonathan and Nancy weren’t there, because they all figured the kids would be less upset if it wasn’t obvious that they were the last ones to find out. 

Guys.” Steve clapped his hands together, then put them on his hips, standing in front of the TV. “I have an announcement to make.” 

“Are you serious?” Mike yelled. “We’re here for the movies!” 

“Shut up, idiot.” 

“We’re here for the movies,” Dustin interjected into the fight that was already starting to form between Max and Mike. “But we’re going to listen to Steve.”

“You’d hear it anyway, you know, we have three adults here to keep you brats in check.” Robin stood next to Steve and began clapping her hands until everyone was quiet. “Steve.” 

Then she went to join Eddie, who was standing behind the kids, silent and watchful. 

It was good to have them both there, someone to look at without letting himself be consumed by terror.

“This has nothing to do with the Upside Down, but it’s very important, so I’ve already talked to Hopper and Joyce too and I don’t want you to get upset, okay? I’m going to talk to everyone about this in the way I thought would make this easier.”

At this point, no one seemed more scared than Max or Dustin. Even Mike, who was trying to keep his expression irritated, looked worried and was the only one who had the courage to speak up.

“Why make such a mystery? Just say it.”

“I’m sick. Hanahaki.”

There were no more movies for the rest of the night, just tears, screaming and hugs. Max barely left Steve’s side and Dustin kept checking his pulse, as if he couldn’t see with his own eyes that Steve was alive. They also had to explain Hanahaki to El and she was so upset that she joined Max. Lucas did too, after a few minutes. He and Will were the quietest, looking too shaken to know how to react.

Dustin got irritated and started talking nonstop about the health care system. Eddie, finding resonance in Dustin’s feelings, also started roasting the pharmaceutical industry.

They all slept together, huddled together, in the living room.

In the middle of the night, Mike, having the same thought as his sister, asked if Nancy had anything to do with it and after being assured that she didn't, Steve realized that he would once again need to educate the people he loved about how Hanahaki really worked and about his family.

When everyone finally left in the early evening of the next day, he only had a few hours before he realized that he would probably need to have a walkie-talkie on him at all times, because everyone wanted to make sure he was okay.

The next time he and Eddie were alone together, Steve continued to talk.

It was a little embarrassed that he confessed that, although he had always wanted his parents’ love, he was relieved by the huge distance between them, because he wouldn’t have to worry about being the cause of his mother’s downfall. Because he couldn’t even imagine what it was like to be so loved by someone who had a disease so influenced by emotions. It seemed terrifying.

“I must be very selfish.”

“For wanting to preserve yourself? Everyone wants that, it’s not selfish, it’s human.”

“I didn’t give you that option.”

Eddie grabbed Steve by the shoulders so they were face to face.

“You did. You practically put a warning sign on your forehead. We all chose to stay here. Because you’re part of our lives and we love you, Hanahaki isn’t going to change any of that.”

Careful with every move he made toward Steve, Eddie leaned in until he could put his head in the crook of Steve’s neck, for the first time in a long time looking like he was the one who needed comfort.

Steve couldn’t describe how happy he was that he could still provide that and tightened his arms around Eddie.

“If it were up to me, you know where we’d be right now. You’re the one being so careful about this, so I don’t regret it. Don’t ever insinuate that you’re selfish for allowing us to feel the joy of being in your life.”

Steve didn't know if he could ever stop feeling guilty, but he would try.

One afternoon, when Steve came home from his shift at Family Video, he found Eddie standing at his door, a folder full of papers in his hand. He didn’t say anything, just waited for Steve to come in and followed.

“I did some research,” he announced and waved the papers. “Dustin helped me a lot, because he’s much better at research than I am.”

And Eddie launched into a somewhat confusing monologue about how 4.4 out of every 500,000 people had the Hanahaki gene and only a few of them actually had a real chance of developing the disease, and even in those cases, environmental factors were very important. In conflict zones, for example, the chances of acute and fatal manifestations were up to 300% higher than in other patients. 5 to 10% of carriers would be lucky enough to only have mild symptoms even under periods of intense stress, but without proper treatment, even those people would be at very serious risk.

Almost all of Hanahaki’s patients who survive the first two years require at least one transplant at some point in their lives. He talked about the complications, the lacerations of internal organs, the blood clotting problems, the cirrhosis, the hypertension, the encephalopathy.

“Steve, I said I’d do my research, and I did. I’m not a smart guy, not that smart.” He held up a piece of paper at random. “I’ve never been interested in medicine, and I’ve never been good at science, so there are some things I may not have understood that well, but I’ve learned a lot. I’m not going into this blind. I know what the expectations are here, I’m a grown man and I can make my own decisions. And I want you. I’ve wanted you, somehow, since high school, I wanted you when I saw how the kids adored you, I wanted you when you came to me even though everyone thought I was a murderer. I wanted you when I saw you take off your shirt, when you jumped in the lake, when you fought the Demobats, when you walked with me through hell. When you pulled me out of there. I’ve wanted you constantly, all the time, for all these months.” He took a deep breath. “I want you. I love you.”

Steve knew that no matter how happy he was, there would always be things that would hurt him. He would always have scars on his lungs, roots tangled in his ribs, internal bleeding, shortness of breath, injuries… There would always be a million problems, one after the other. Maybe he only had a few years left.

But Eddie knew that too. He knew that sometimes he would need to take care of Steve, and that he would need to learn to control his anger better, that he would always have to be careful when he communicated a problem, that he would need to offer reassurance and remind Steve that he was loved. He knew it would be hard. He knew the risk of coming out of this with a broken heart.

Even knowing the potential disaster, Steve kissed Eddie knowing it would be worth it.

[angelicyoongie]

lovesick • yandere profiles

➝  a/n: thank you so much to anon for this commission!! ❤️ this is my first time writing a yandere profile, so it was a fun challenge and nice little side-project to work on. i hope this will give you all a little more insight into the lovesick boys! ➝  word count: 2.6k ➝ content warning: yandere behavior, stalker behavior, mentions of kidnapping, self-harm, murder, etc.

🥀 NAMJOON ➝ yandere type: overprotective, mildly possessive

Namjoon is overprotective to a fault. But how can he not be, when the illness that ripped his family apart left his mother nothing but a memory and his father a shell of what he once was? Losing a soulmate is pure torture and Namjoon refuses to repeat the same history as his parents. You're too precious, his darling, and there's nothing Namjoon won't do to ensure that you stay healthy and happy. Sure, maybe his methods come off as a little more invasive than caring when he books health check-ups in your name without your knowledge, but he doesn't mind your anger as long as it means that you're all right. 

Namjoon is for the most part calm and collected, but even he has his limits. He can't stand it when his advice or orders aren't followed; when you blatantly disregard your health or put yourself in dangerous situations despite his warnings. Those are the only times he truly ever gets angry – well, aside from when his claim on you is challenged, of course. Namjoon's possessive streak rears its head whenever someone tries to pretend like they know you better than he does, after all, you're his soulmate – his to care for and his to protect. He isn't above hurting someone if it means it'll keep you safe. Murder would be the absolute last resort for him but if it had to be done, then so be it. He'll do anything for you.

There's nothing that makes him happier than when you let him care for you without a fuss, allowing him to pamper you to his heart's desire. Namjoon craves to have you close, to feel your warmth in his arms and your steady breaths against his chest. He won't allow anything to jeopardize that – not even the six other people he shares the bond with. 

You're the most perfect soulmate he could ever wish for and the rest of the world can burn as long as it means you'll be safe, healthy, and happy (with him). 

🥀 SEOKJIN ➝ yandere type: obsessive

Seokjin has always been cynical about his soulmark. How was he supposed to find someone through their shared pain when there are so many people in this world? It seemed impossible and unfair, and Seokjin figured that the chances of ever finding you were slim to none. Even so, there was always a little part of him that hoped that the universe would lead him to his soulmate – you – at the right time. And it did. Seokjin swears he was reborn the first time he laid eyes on you, the pain insignificant in comparison to the joy of finally finding his soulmate. 

He has always been level-headed, thinking his actions through before acting on them, but Seokjin found that when he was faced with you, all of that flew out the window. He just couldn't leave you alone, not when he had finally found you. Seokjin likes to take pictures, to capture your every moment so that it can be remembered forever. Every smile, frown, and pout you make is a gift to this world, and Seokjin loves that the pictures all show off the genuine you, unfiltered and real. After all, you can't put on a fake smile if you don't even know that you're being followed. 

Seokjin has lost track of how many hours he's spent fantasizing about your bond and the life you're going to lead together. His obsessive thoughts are only quelled when he gets to see you, to follow you around; pretending he's taking part in your life as he watches it unfold from the shadows. And now that he finally has you, Seokjin is free to let all of his fantasies play out, to be the perfect soulmate that you deserve. He isn't one to raise his voice or get angry, but Seokjin finds his frustration building when you don't respond to his advances the way you were supposed to – the way he imagined you would. Even so, he doesn't dwell on it for long. His fantasies can always be changed, reimagined, to make sure they capture the real you – just like his photos. 

Seokjin loves spending time with you, indulging in your hobbies, and watching you do things that make you happy. Of course, he hopes that one day the only thing you'll need to make your heart sing is him, but he doesn't mind the wait. You have the rest of your lives to figure that out. You were the impossible was made possible, and Seokjin has no intention of ever letting his angel go. 

🥀 JUNGKOOK ➝ yandere type: mild clingy, mild obsessive

Jungkook always hoped that his soulmate would end up being someone like you. Coming from a broken family that pushed him aside the moment he showed signs of weakness, Jungkook only ever wished for his soulmate to accept him – to love him – like he was. His stutter and shyness didn't define him and yet, there were so many who couldn't look past it. You, however, felt like you were heaven-sent with how you only saw him and not his flaws.

He wanted so desperately to approach you when he realized that you were his soulmate but the insecurities his family had instilled in him held him back. So, he instead watched you from the back of the room, memorizing the way your hair moved and how you would tap your pen against your beautiful lips when you were deep in thought. The classes he didn't share with you were torture, but in turn, it made the moments he caught a glimpse of you around campus even sweeter. 

Truly, the only thing Jungkook wants is to be loved by you. His heart feels like it's bursting with happiness whenever you look at him, your touch electrifying his skin in a way he never thought possible. He used to be dependent on his hyungs for affection but it's nothing compared to the way you make him feel, the way you make his soul glow just by being near. His past has left him starved for your attention and Jungkook finds that his emotions get a little too overwhelming whenever you're not around. He relies on you for stability and love, something that only fuels his mildly obsessive tendencies. 

Jungkook would rather hurt himself before ever hurting you. He might not be willing to go to the lengths that his hyungs are to protect you, but that doesn't mean he can't keep you safe. Jungkook would do anything for you, even if it means sacrificing himself. You're everything to him. 

🥀 HOSEOK ➝ yandere type: impulsive

Hoseok believes that the best-laid plans are those that happen on a whim. The choices he's thought the least about are those that have given him the most; he started his business based on a bet, joined a fundraiser because he had nothing better to do that day and somehow all of it led him straight to you – his other half. Hoseok may not believe in fate but he does trust his gut, and he especially listens to it when he's around you.

Compared to your other soulmates, Hoseok comes off as cold and stoic, his true emotions hidden behind a mask. Hoseok was known to be loud and expressive when he was young but the more he got teased for his outbursts and over-the-top reactions, the more he started hiding them away. Now, it takes a lot of coaxing before Hoseok feels comfortable enough to let his mask slip, a burst of genuine laughter from him so rare it stuns you every time you hear it. 

Hoseok's impulsive nature has worked well for him over the years, but it also means that he often acts without thinking much of the after – like how he would ever be able to explain your drugged drink to a room full of people who weren't equally as sick as him. His quick mood changes make him unpredictable and he's quick to anger when something doesn't go his way. Hoseok isn't above giving out punishment, not if it means you'll learn to never disobey him again. He'll never intentionally hurt you but he's more than capable of giving you a good scare.

Although you may be safe from his wrath, other people aren't so lucky. Hoseok will certainly resort to murder if someone ever dares to lay a finger on you and he'll take great joy in removing them from your sight. 

What Hoseok loves the most is seeing your reaction as he gives you new treats he's created especially for you. There's nothing as satisfying as watching your eyes light up and your smile bloom as you bite into them, praising him for his hard work. Even if Hoseok's feelings and actions are a little convoluted, he does mean well. You're his sunshine, the one person that manages to break through the dark clouds in his mind and he'll do whatever it takes to keep you by his side. 

🥀 JIMIN ➝ yandere type: self-indulgent, obsessive

Jimin spends most of the quiet hours at work fantasizing about you. It started innocent – Jimin was just so thrilled that he had found you that he couldn't help but imagine all of the ways he could reveal himself to you – but as time passed and nothing happened, those thoughts turned a little… dirtier. Jimin thought of all the ways he could show you just how long he's been waiting for you, yearning for you. He knows he can make you feel good, that he can make all of your dirtiest dreams come true, and if by satisfying your desires he also satisfies his own, well, that's just an added bonus. 

While Jimin may love to please you, he's also quite selfish. He doesn't hold back when there's something he wants and he doesn't mind pulling a few strings to get his way. Jimin needs you to pamper him; to tell him how much you like him and how much he means to you. It's the only thing that quells that needy voice in his head, the one that constantly thinks of you and only you.  So really, it doesn't take that much to make him happy. He preens under your attention, especially when you ignore the others to solely focus on him. Jimin loves to be touched and kissed, but nothing beats being intimate with you. It makes Jimin feel special, to be able to experience you like that, vulnerable and needy for only him. 

Due to the nature of his job, Jimin keeps a cool head most of the time. The one thing that will set him off, however, is you lying to him. Jimin can smell lies from a mile away, is trained to spot them, and yet you like you think that you can deceive him. Perhaps if it didn't upset him so, he would find the idea of it funny. Even if you may test his patience and temper sometimes, there's still nothing Jimin wouldn't do to keep you safe. He knows how to use his resources well, how to make it seem like someone never even existed. He's willing to do anything for you, his soulmate. 

🥀 TAEHYUNG ➝ yandere type: impulsive, delusional

Taehyung was raised on the belief that the universe would lead him to his soulmate. His family romanticized the soul-system, never doubting that fate would steer them in the direction they needed to go. Taehyung was the same, and those beliefs were only cemented in his mind when he finally met you. He only caught a glimpse of you that day in the coffee shop but it was enough to convince Taehyung that some part of your soul had recognized him too – and you were waiting for him to make a move. 

Using his programming skills, Taehyung easily hacked your phone. He wanted a way to feel close to you, to make sure he always knew where you went in case something happened. It didn't take long before it wasn't enough – before Taehyung had to start following you home after your classes, just to get a peek at your pretty face. The texts you sent your friends about feeling watched on the way home only fueled Taehyung's desire to do it more – it was definitely a code meant for him, a message that you knew he was there. 

The few times you do something that upsets Taehyung or he grows too impatient from holding himself back, his impulsive nature jumps out. There's really no telling what he'll do – Taehyung doesn't give his actions much forethought before carrying them out. One day he may send you bloody roses because you ignored him, the other he may plot to kidnap you because he's grown tired of waiting. Taehyung is a wild card and there's no limit to how far he's willing to go to keep you with him.  Taehyung's reality may not be the same as yours – he believes that you have liked him for much longer than you actually have – but it still makes his heart beat like crazy whenever you express your love for him. Being able to hold you in his arms is the most amazing feeling Taehyung has ever felt. You're his soulmate, his destiny, and nothing will ever drive you apart. Taehyung will make sure of that. 

🥀 YOONGI ➝ yandere type: obsessive, very mild overprotective

Yoongi might have believed that music was his first love, but it all pales in comparison to how he feels about you. He was used to spending most of his time dreaming up narratives and poetry that would flow well with his beats, working tirelessly to create the perfect track again and again. There were days Yoongi didn't even see the outside of his studio, but that all changed when he finally found you. He went from barely being home to leaving work on the dot, hurrying to his apartment in hopes that he might get a new update on you from Taehyung. 

Having a gentle disposition and good self-control, Yoongi is surprised to find how flustered he gets around you, his body suddenly reacting in ways it never has before. He finds that his thoughts keep straying to you constantly, dreaming of the dates he wants to take you on and how your relationship will evolve. All of the sad ballads he's supposed to write turn into bright pop songs whenever he thinks of your smile. He loves seeing you happy, watching your thrilled reaction as he lets you listen to his songs first, love confessions being whispered into your ears repeatedly. 

Yoongi knows that he sometimes gets a little overprotective of you. He never wants to hurt you, but if a small punishment can steer you over on the right path, then Yoongi is willing to look the other way. He cares about you more than anything else and so, he's really just acting in your best interest by making sure nothing bad will happen to you. Yoongi wouldn't hesitate to land a punch if he caught someone looking at you twice, but murder is out of the question for him. Luckily that's not something he needs to worry about, not when you have other soulmates who are more than willing to do that work for him. 

You're the best thing that has ever happened to him. Nothing beats seeing your smile, hearing your laugh, or watching your eyes light up as you let yourself be pulled into his arms. You're Yoongi's soulmate – his love – the only person who can turn his rainy days into endless summer. 

[lani-heart]

|| series masterlist || next // previously ||

genre(s) -> angst, fluff, non-idol, hybrid au, poly au paring(s) -> yeowoosan x reader warning(s) -> mentions of abuse words -> 1.1K

I’ve never considered owning hybrids. 

I've always thought that they deserved to be free, and treated like people. Unfortunately in this state of politics it won't happen anytime soon.

Even then, the three hybrids who now live with me, almost seem like they wouldn’t operate on their own.

San… my pretty panther.

He's always been bad at leaving the apartment. When he does, he wears headphones. One's specialized for hybrids to cancel out noise. He can’t handle crowded places, sounds of screams happiness, or fear, or simple everyday noises like bells. You never notice how common it is until you have a hybrid flinch and grip you so hard it causes skin and clothes to rip. 

He’s exotic… and pretty but so so damaged. 

He’s never wanted to sit down and talk to me about what it was like nor do I ever expect him to. He wants to forget… he’s cried out how he wishes he could forget.

If only I could grant that wish to him. On his month anniversary, – when it was only me and Wooyoung by his side – he asked if we could go to the park. 

He loves watching TV. He also finds the sappy movies where you go to scenic places and just… soak it in. San couldn’t do that. That day a kid approached us and asked to touch San, but he wasn’t good with touch either. He flinches… so Wooyoung distracted the kid after they pull San’s tail. Innocent curiosity… kids don’t understand what no means when they are so young. 

After that day he locked himself in his room. 

He hates the outside world. Filled with cruel people and reminders of his past. 

It's a miracle he trusts me as much as he does. I once wanted to take him to a restaurant… but the door had a bell chime. It made him freeze until I commanded him and we went home. 

He will wait for a command and it's necessary to snap him out of it. 

Kun wanted him to continue therapy but he’s still not used to it. Shortly maybe? Whether that's in a year or two or maybe never. 

Despite how damaged he is, he’s truly an amazing person. He’s sensitive and caring… he’s beautiful. 

He cares so much about me, about Wooyoung, even the newest addition of Yeosang.

He always makes sure I'm not overworking with my book when I lose track of the hours. Whilst he makes sure to reassure Wooyoung with praises and sweet nothings everyday. Even Yeosang, he helps him with his traumas… assures him that he has them and that he isn't alone. 

Sannie, my first hybrid and I'd do everything to have him in my life – to be in his heart all over again.

“May this be the first life of many I live with you, you’re my reason to continue living”

Wooyoung… a sweet hyperactive fox.

He could go on for hours and hours doing any activity as long as he was having fun or with any three of us who joined him. 

He isn’t good at leaving the apartment either.

As much as he denies it he's still scared of me abandoning him one day. So when he does go out with me he's always glued to my side. Holding my hand or simply looping our arms.

He also feels the need to “make himself useful” since his previous owners had him do chores and cook for them since they were expecting a baby and were busy. 

His stress also gets him which is obvious because of how clingy he becomes and even picks at his own fur. His mind was constantly working and overthinking and I had to get used to praising him and reassuring him how much I loved him. 

It wasn’t hard but it hurt to know he needed constant reassurance to understand he’s loved by not only me but also to make sure he isn't a burden to San or Yeosang. 

He has a very bad mental health… one which will make him experience very long or even very short depressive episodes. 

In those days I spend most of my time in his room trying to offer him comfort. Sometimes we stay in silence or we’ll talk about nothing important for hours until we sleep in each other's arms. 

I owed Wooyoung a lot… he was there for me when I was in school and when my parents weren’t necessarily present in my life. He was there… he was always there and it's the least I could do for him. 

I’d be by his side for as long as he wants me. 

“I’ve loved you like it was love at first sight! My dream became a reality and I'm not ready to ever wake up”

Yeosang… my protective doberman.

I always found it interesting how my friends thought that San was the most protective and even though he is, San was a sweetheart. While Yeosang was intimidating. He hates the socialite life… in return doesn’t trust my friends. He also hates leaving the apartment, claiming it's his safe haven and always with his silly little nickname… angel. 

Claiming that's what I was… someone who saved him from his life in hell. Brought him back up, made him smile, and forgave him for his sins. He hates being reminded of his past… it's known that I had him and people will sometimes send me emails and texts to ask him for photoshoots. 

He, however, wanted to live a life of peace away from the media and the sins that others committed. 

He hates the attention, the photos, the videos, the whispers, and the gossip when he does come out with me. He’s a dog hybrid… he has good sight, good hearing… and good smell. He could tell when they gossiped about his prostitution background and even said horrid things. Not like he’d ever tell me what they said since… he didn’t want to make me sad or angry. He endured a lot… but he didn’t have to do it alone anymore. She was gone… and she’s never had a chance to get close to him again. 

If he saw me as his guardian angel, I’d act like it. I’d protect him with my life. 

“Why would I ever leave when I’m in paradise? Out there is hell, in here I have an angel looking over me” 

@wonuangel @danirael @angelsaway @krissroo @minkysmilk @mayonnaise-on-toast @robertsbbygirl @superbbananananana @hyukssunflower @kitty4hwa @justconniez @senpai-of-doom @kibs-and-bits @caityelise99 @ilovekinny @ateezennie23 @wooahaelemons @purplelady85 @watamotee33@chidess97 @littlelostdemonofthelight @maliamaiden @burntarm1n @spooo00oky @eastleighsblog @momo-peachy @kitstar1117 @quartzpirate @sunnyhokyu @iwishiwasrichasfuck @theginger543210 @pandolinka @ddaeing @kpopnightingale @slid3er @kekdo-520 @puppyminnnie @sparklinghwa222 @calicanbeevil @itsvxlentine @atinism @loumin908 @smally97 @rxnexxi @acetruepunk @majesticbeluga @namjooncrabs @tashizxy @itstheghostofmypast @smilefordongil @teeziny @totallynotlyntv @kyeos4ng @prodsh00ky @acescavern

please don't be a silent reader !! reblog, comment, and like <3

[zablife]

An Unexpected Family Gathering w/ John

John Shelby x female reader

A/N: Reconnecting or an Unexpected family gathering, requested by @runnning-outof-time. Details of the reader's relationship with dark!John requested by a lovely anon. Part of my Corrupt a Wish challenge.

Divider credit: @wethairjoel

Warnings: coercion, threat with a weapon, mention of poisoning Corrupt a wish reminder: If you think this story has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention. Proceed with caution!

Your infatuation with John began before the war, cautious glances at his handsome features and girlish giggles behind your hands. He paid you no attention in those early days, too infatuated with his sweetheart, Martha. However, that didn't deter you from finding other ways to grow close to him.

It was Tommy who first recognized your potential as a messenger for the family business. No matter the danger, you always accepted, hoping John would hear of your bravery. If there was one thing you possessed over Martha, it was your fearless attitude.

During the war years you continued to help the family as much as possible. You prayed with Polly each morning for the three men away fighting and later for Martha's ailing health. When the time came, you took on the care of John's young children with nothing but love and devotion in your heart.

By the time the men returned from war, you were a permanent fixture at 57 Watery Lane, waiting for the day John would make you his wife. While he hadn't returned quite the same carefree young man you remembered, his bright blue eyes still held a spark of mischievous charm which made you hopeful.

You couldn't say that of his brothers, especially Tommy who began making aggressive moves to control more and more of the city. Within a few months of assuming leadership, Tommy was waging war against the Italians in a bid for power. Ruthless attacks were carried out by his men, cuttings and beatings becoming standard procedure.

The thought of John taking someone's eyes with a razor blade made you physically ill, but nothing compared to the callous way he presented his plan to cut Angel Changretta's throat as he lie helpless in a hospital bed. That's when you knew you'd heard enough.

Small Heath was no longer the place you wished to call home and you began planning an escape from its treacherous depths. However, John was like a bloodhound when it came to sniffing out fear. He sensed the change in you immediately and took the opportunity to question your loyalty in the worst way imaginable.

"I want you to invite Mrs. Changretta for tea at your parents' on Thursday," he casually mentioned as you were getting ready for bed one night.

"Why?" you asked, trying to keep your voice from trembling.

"Cos Tommy said," he gestured vaguely as if to say, If I haven't questioned him, neither should you.

You had the sinking feeling you were luring Mrs. Changretta into blinder territory for nefarious reasons and you quickly worked to appeal to your fiance. "She was our teacher in school, John. A kind, decent woman."

"Then she'll go to heaven, yeah?" he answered, brow furrowing in irritation.

Your heart lurched as you realized the Shelbys were going to kill her. Approaching John gently, you ran a hand across his cheek in hopes of bringing back the kind boy you remembered.

"You don't have to do this. You're not like Tommy, you know. I don't see the same thing in your eyes I see in his," you uttered as you pressed your forehead to his lightly.

Pulling away from your warm embrace, John's blue eyes iced over in a way you'd never witnessed. Grabbing your wrist in a brutal hold to show his determination, he spat, "Tommy puts a bloody roof over our heads or have you forgotten?"

You shook your head slowly, words failing you.

"So you'll do as he fucking says!" John spat, tossing your hand away.

You watched him storm downstairs and grab his coat, deciding to go for a drink instead. Looking back on that moment, you wished you'd run from him when you had the chance, but you didn't have the heart to abandon his children. So you stayed, agreeing to his plan if only to secretly warn Mrs. Changretta of the impending danger.

On the day of her social call, you tucked a small note into the sleeve of your blouse, ready to slip it to her at the soonest opportunity. Your anxious hands trembled when you began to arrange the scones Polly had brought earlier in the day, hoping your nerves didn't show.

Seeing Mrs. Changretta's kind face again soothed you immeasurably. She smiled up at you with the same warmth in her eyes you remembered from your school days and suddenly the memories of your youth came flooding back to you.

Noticing your eyes fill with tears, she asked innocently, "What is it dear?"

Turning your head to swipe a tear from your cheek, you relayed the tender memory of the times she brought you sweets.

"Those were good times," she acknowledged sadly. "Before the lads fell into the hands of the devil."

You took her hands in yours, seizing the moment to place the note to her palm. "It doesn't have to be this way," you whispered, giving her a small squeeze before relinquishing the paper to her grasp. The rest of the visit was carefully monitored by Tommy's soldiers and you didn't dare reach for her again.

That night you woke with John pressing the cold barrel of a gun into your side. Fueled by his outrage and the snow Isaiah had been supplying, he demanded you wake. "I know what you did, Y/n," he whispered as he pressed the weapon just below your ribs.

You gulped as you wondered what he would do to you, his jarring laughter making you afraid to move or even breath beneath his touch.

"The old cunt fell over dead from Polly's scones," he informed you cruelly. "So you see, your little warning was useless." His lip curled into a menacing sneer as he watched your face crumble in despair.

"No!" you cried. "I didn't mean to..."

"But you did," he answered in a mocking tone, releasing the safety with a harsh click.

"John, please," you begged as he began to stroke your arm with a gentle touch that belied the venom in his serpent like hiss.

“You’re so pretty. I couldn’t shoot you.” Cold steel meeting your temple he ghosted the weapon down your jawline as he whispered, “No, I’m not gonna kill you.”

His torture seemed endless as he kept you awake into the early morning hours. Amazed that you were still alive to see the dawn, you pleaded with the man who'd promised to love you forever.

"Let me go, John. Please let me see my family," you begged.

"You will, sweetheart," he promised, knowing the punishment Tommy had devised for you. You would be reunited with your parents on the gallows soon after the arrests for the murder of Audrey Changretta.

Tag List:

@peakyswritings

@evita-shelby

@kittycatcait219

@callsign-fangirl

@theshelbyclan

@elenavampire21

@little-diable

@lyarr24

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@moral-terpitude

@lovemissyhoneybee

@allie131313

[dekusleftsock]

Me personally, I’m a very big fan of how Horikoshi handled his themes around forgiveness. I love that he really hammers in that forgiveness is a choice that someone can or cannot make, and that neither of those decisions are necessarily “wrong” or “harmful”, that they’re just that. Choices.

And I realized just how much I enjoyed how he handles this because of these leaks. Like him choosing to never forgive Shigaraki for what he’s done, yet wanting to end the suffering as much as possible I feel really speaks to an experience I could never put into words. It’s so viscerally human to be angry, happy, sad; it’s human to forgive, it’s human to not. It’s human to empathize with someone you fundamentally feel shouldn’t be empathized for, and yet it is the single most prominent structure of ancient human societies. We live to empathize, it’s why we have a dog in our house, or we help heal a stranger back to health; and I don’t necessarily think is what “makes us human” bc I feel that excludes people who don’t (because they do exist and nothing is wrong with them for not doing so), but I think it does speak to a very common feeling. It’s normal to want revenge, or to be angry, or to not forgive, but it’s also perfectly normal to want to end the suffering from its source.

That’s also a prominent feature of the Todoroki family, and it’s also what made me so angry about the interpretations surrounding it. There’s nothing wrong with Fuyumi or Natsuo to respond differently to their shared father’s abuse, they’re normal and expected ways to handle one’s inner turmoil. There is healing in forgiving someone, that’s a perfectly truthful idea. But what’s also a way to heal is to simply not let someone matter in your life, you can simultaneously be angry for what they’ve done…and be perfectly fulfilled/healed.

Horikoshi isn’t telling you to forgive bad people, he’s telling you that there’s a reason behind every bad action, that empathy and shared humanity is the single most integral part to a healthy society.

And I love this EVEN MORE because Midoriya Izuku: Rising isn’t even about Izuku, it’s about how everyone else has brought him here, now. That we are one people, one society—Izuku may be the driving horse but he stands as a symbol of our shared humanity in this moment.

I wish I could find the officials rn but I’m gonna have to interpret this given what it is.

Ochako’s choice to “not wipe your slate clean” almost feels less like a “I can’t forgive you” and more like a “society won’t forgive you” statement.

Where Izuku’s or Natsuo’s choice to not forgive someone who has hurt them was a personal decision, this was more of a decision to empathize with Himiko, maybe even forgive her. I can’t help but notice that this was much more of a confession/declaration of affection for someone who has done bad things, than it was about forgiveness and mistakes.

It almost feels more like the bkdk apology if I’m honest. Both of which never have a “I won’t ever forgive you for this” statement, more like they avoid it in its entirety. Same with Rei and Endeavors conversations.

Because it is the victims choice to forgive or not forgive someone. They have as much a right to do so as anyone else.

I guess that’s why I always hated the whole “Izuku shouldn’t forgive Katsuki” take, it’s a very literal commentary on the very thing Horikoshi has written is wrong. It’s wrong to try to tell someone how they should or shouldn’t have reacted to something, you are taking away their integrity. To a certain extent you are infantilizing their ability to make choices for themself.

So it’s for this reason that my love for this series shoots to the sky at this “I won’t forgive you” moment. It’s like Izukus guilt has been lifted, that he has allowed himself to be angry or bitter at someone for wronging him or someone he loves. The mask has fallen, this is it; Izuku and Tenko, and he is being honest of his feelings.

That’s what I love most—the honesty, the anger, the relief, the love, and that these are his choices. No one can take that away from him. Not you, not I, not us.

[coffee-and-tea-time]

𓆩♡𓆪 ｢better that sleeping pills｣ 𓆩♡𓆪

Hi! Coffee being delusional speaking! This time I was wondering

How did you deal with your sleep problems, dear?

TW: stalking, yandere behavior, delusions, insomniac reader, sleeping pills mention, somewhat willing reader, light paranoia?

Yet again another night dealing with insomnia, being told over and over that you should stop using the phone at night and, instead, pretend to sleep, that eventually dreamland will come to you like that. People that don't know what it is to be alone with thoughts and exasperation. But once again, you try to do so, hoping that maybe this time it would actually help.

tik tok tik tok tik tok

How much time has passed? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? You try to keep your mind on blank but it's impossible at some point.

An unexpected sound catch quickly your interest although you can't really recognize it, trying to dismiss it, thinking must've an hallucination or something outside, in the silence of the night, people tend to be more perspective to any sounds, right?

And just like a bad plot, once your body relaxes, you hear that sound again. . . Unconsciously welcoming the return to old habits, covering more with the blankets and turning around with the eyes still closed, as if that will make a safe shield.

Alright, this isn't your first rodeo, your brain's favorite hobby surely is playing tricks to scare the hell out of you. Taking a deep breath to relax once again, choosing to be delusional to forget everything has to be the best option right now.

What about if the sounds are because a stalker helplessly in love with you just broke into your house? A good night kiss on the forehead sounds lovely, maybe the dark romance or Tumblr posts are affecting your brain already but why care? Cuddling to sleep with someone that loves you unconditionally sounds like a perfect situation, you wouldn't really mind your sleeplessness if you could have that.

Although the normal will be calling the police, why do so if it's not a threat? In your mind, you picture your perfect obsessive s/o, no need to worry about being cheated on if the only thing in his eyes is you, no need to worry about being too much, no need to worry about his feelings ever fading away, isn't that perfect? Yes, it may come with some disadvantages like everything, but nothing you can't handle, you just need to love them, and they will be happy on a daily basis.

As you smile because of your silly fantasies while looking 'asleep' on the outside, you hear an even more unexpected sound. . . a whispering.

“oh, are you having a good sleep? It worries me how long it takes you to sleep every night, it's gonna end up being awful for your health. Maybe it will be better if I start using sleeping pills on you? You always do so much, you need a good rest, my cherry”

You stay still, unable to think what to do, a light but sweet smell invades your nostrils. Does this count as manifestation? Why is he already calling you by a pet name?

“My lovely cherry, my heart ache when I think about how exasperating must feel to hear the constant naging of those who don't really care about at least try empathize, if only I could help with something, I won't think it twice”

Feeling a gentle caress on your hair makes you wonder, this doesn't feel bad at all. Common sense screaming that you need to worry but the warm feeling of his touch disperse that though faster than you're willing to admit.

“Mmm, maybe my desires are taking over my brain already? But I think a perfect medicine for you will be if you snuggle in my embrace, I promise to have the right temperature for you to be comfy all night… if you just let me kiss that addictive face of yours, it will be enough payment for even my soul if you wish to have it”

His voice… sounds familiar, do you know him? 

Even if you recognize that self-preservation should be a top priority, it's hard to care when his voice is this honeyed, using the exact words that attract you like a bee as if he can read your mind. As you feel a faint kiss on the top of your head, you start to ask yourself…

Is bad manners not to reply when someone speaks to you, isn't it? Or maybe it's better to keep pretending to sleep to see what he usually does?

Decisions decisions…

➤ keep pretending

➤ Say something

sorry for any misspellings or weird sentence structure ❣

images from pinterest

[romanarose]

Joel Takes a Strap

Written for Married Joel sits on you 2024 by the amazing @beefrobeefcal !!!

Joel Miller x trans!reader

Join my taglist : Masterlist

Buy Me A Coffee : Kofi : Go Fund Me

Summary: Joel takes a strap.... send tweet.

Warnings: sex toys, praise, body worship

Immersivity: Reader is trans and able bodied. Reader has had top surgury.

A/N: promt via Beef, must include this line "Marriage had been good to Joel. His mental health and financial stability had improved, and he seemed over all a happier person. The only drawback seemed to be the effect it had on his waistline."

A/N 2: My taglist is back!!! follow the link to join <3

Divider by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

It was a life few people really understood. Jackson was pretty open minded, considering there were bigger things to worry about than gay shit. Still, in 2003 someone being trans was pretty much the punchline to a joke if you knew what it was at all. So, when a transman came to Jackson, it wasn't exactly the warmest welcome.

Joel would like to think he'd have always been kind and welcoming. Maybe not the friendliest guy, but still. Joel didn't care what anyone chose to do to themselves, but he thought of Ellie. He thought of how she'd been treated at the tipsy bison that night, and Dina, Joels now-daughter in-law-... he wasn't able to be a safe person for her to come out to during that time but he wanted to be safety for someone else.

He had no idea you'd become his safe place as well.

Joel wished he could have been there for Ellie to come out the way she was ready to, but then things turned around. He'd repaired their relationship in a lot of ways, and now... now she was the one he came out to when he started seeing you. The ceremony had been small, little JJ as the ringbarrer.

Marriage had been good to Joel. His mental health and relation ship with Ellie improved and he seemed over all a happier person. The only drawback seemed to be the effect it had on his waistline.

This, however was not a drawback to you. When the world fell apart, if someone had an ounce of fat on their body, they were called obese, torn apart on the covers of grocery store magazines... but you saw Joel's weight gain as something beautiful. It meant he was safe. He was relaxed. He wasn't on the run. He was yours.

And you got a surprise for him.

You had made sue to clean it, and clean it good... but you had found a strap on while out, and were ready to use it on Joel. Joel was more inclined to top, but that didn't mean you didn't take control sometimes. He regularly takes several fingers up that cute-but-flat ass of his, and today you'd prepped him well, making sure to add lots of vasiline to the strap to ease him.

Now, Joel Miller had his legs spread across your lap as you sat on the edge of the couch, covering above your strap.

"You don't gotta do nothing you don't wanna." You reassure him.

Joel shakes his head, murmuring as he looks down. "It ain't that... I just don't wanna crush yuh, s'all."

You can't help smile at that. "You won't Joel. I love feeling you on me, l love the weight. You're fuck'n perfect."

And he smiles at that. Soft, but he smiles.

So you tease him. "Better take it now, I know Maria wants a turn for Tommy."

Joel visibly cringed at that, but laughed and the tension was gone from the room. Joel was happy, you were happy, and he had the support of his family. What everyone else thought didn't matter.

When Joel sinks down on you, feeling the weight of him push you into the couch cushions, you can't help but smile and feel his hands grip your shoulders.

"Good boy..." You praise the old man whose boyhood was far behind him. "Take my cock... just like that" If Joel was a boy, the strap is your cock. Who cares. In moments like these you can forget all the horrors of the outside world, forget reality.

"So fucking hot..." Breathy, Joel praises you back as he takes the whole strap up inside him. His hand goes to your chest, palm paying no mind to the surgery scares. "My handsome husband."

"Mmmmm... My handsome husband..."

Joel begins to move up and down, bouncing on you, his thick thighs working hard as he fucks himself. His cock slaps against your stomach. "Wanna make you cum too... how does... does that w-work?" You can see him bit his lip, pleasure filling his body.

You take his hard, leaking member in your hand, stroking him after you spit.

"Don't worry about that. We'll figure things out as he go, right now i just want you to focus on feeling good, Joel. Can you do that for me? Be my good boy and cum?"

Joel nods, a little curl falling on his forehead that is begining to sweat.

"yeah, I can do that... I can feel good... your cock feels good... I can feel good."

You love when he gets like this, lets go and lets his subby inner nature come out.

"I bet you can, Joel. I know it."

Thank you all so so much for reading!!!!

Want more trans content?

I wrote About a Girl which is Joel and tranfem reader and You'd Love me if I was a Worm, Would You Love me if I was A Man? which is reader transmasc reader coming out to santi and Big Boys Dont Cry which is trans reader AND trans santi

I hope to write a santi and trans reader series soon

How to keep up with my work?

Follow @romana-updates

ask to join my taglist

join my tumblr community

follow me on ao3 @romana_rose

Love you! hope to see more from Beefro's event!!!

[forevertoru]

cafe rekindle ~ koshi sugawara x reader

synopsis: after years of living in your hometown after graduation, one last glimpse of your past was enough to motivate you to finally give yourself the fresh start you needed. a new city, a new life. with the help of the people around you, you were able to accomplish your dreams and start your very own cafe. working in your own cafe means you meet lots of people, but one familiar face was enough to make the walls you built up over the years falter. 

chapter synopsis: love isn't always something that'll stay in our lives. accept it or not, people come and go if they see fit. even a picture perfect relationship with a sturdy foundation can come crumbling down. despite the hardships of losing someone you saw as "forever", don't let that stop you from accomplishing your ambition. but even new cities have familiar faces.

notes: i literally have no idea what i'm doing, this is my first time (in a while but we dont talk abt that) writing fanfic.. wish me luck. (wrote this bcuz i was listening to promise by laufey while reading angst fanfics)  

tags: angst (?), fluff (?), elementary school teacher, cafe owner, exes to lovers, second chance romance, slow burn, fem reader-oriented pronouns

warnings: swearing, reader smokes to deal with emotions, talks of mental health

word count: 3k

ch. 1 the end of the beginning & new beginnings

No one ever expects longevity from the relationships in our youth, in fact, it would be foolish to even expect something like that. From grade school, to high school, some would even argue college; it never becomes long term. 

You were always aware of that, so why did you see yourself getting married to the man you spent your high school and college years with?

A silly thought you planted in your brain; but who could blame you? He was the ideal partner. Patient, gentle, understanding, and so much more — even though you were still young and didn’t have much planned for adulthood, you made a vow to never let him go. 

You loved him with every single atom you had in your body, and perhaps you still do. After all, it isn’t easy to forget about a relationship you swore would’ve lasted a lifetime if it were under different circumstances. 

In all honestly, you weren’t quite sure what made you love him the way you did. Maybe it was the fact being around him just felt so.. easy. You never felt like you had to be a different person when you were with him.

To put it simply, he was the person who brought you comfort.

But even so, silly vows you make to yourself don’t really mean anything if you can’t make them a reality. Over the next few months, the happiness you thought would stay in your life forever gradually started to fade, and there was nothing you could do about it.

You know he didn't mean to fall out of love, at least that's what you wanted to believe. Not a bone in your body wanted to make him seem like a bad person, not when you still had so much love and respect for him.

Days before the breakup, you noticed he seemed a bit… different. He stopped holding your hands, stopped bringing you lunch, he couldn’t even bring himself to look you in the eyes. Yes, they were little things, yet, you still managed to notice them. 

You decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, telling yourself, “Maybe studying has him preoccupied” Trying to shake off whatever insecurity you were feeling. Looking back — maybe you should’ve asked him the first day you noticed, maybe then, things would’ve worked out.

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚ 

When you felt his hand wrap around your wrist for the first time in days, guiding you to a place where the two of you could be alone and focus on the soon-to-be conversation, you knew it was the end of the relationship you tried desperately to keep in your life. 

Before he could even get a word out, you couldn’t help but notice the dryness in your throat, how your heart started to race in anticipation, and the tears in your eyes that threatened to spill.

From the look in his eyes, you could tell this was going to be the last day the two of you could call yourselves “soulmates”. 

Throughout your entire relationship, you always managed to keep your composure. You knew how to keep your emotions in check, therefore, you never cried in front of your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. 

– Seeing tears in your eyes for the first time broke his heart.

 At that moment, he wanted to change his mind, take you in his arms, and promise he’d never let you feel this type of pain again. But despite the feeling he couldn't shake off, he knew deep within himself he wouldn’t be able to keep that promise. 

And before he could change his mind, the boy finally spoke.

“(name), no matter what, I’ll always have so much love for you.” The gray-haired boy started, and as he spoke, he couldn’t help but notice the look in your eyes. The way you looked at him with such hurt and confusion made it all the more difficult for him. 

“Before I say anything, you did nothing to make me feel this way” he spoke, taking your hands in his. “You’re an amazing girl, (name), you always have been and I’m sure you always will be.” 

As the words left his mouth and the emotion started to become prominent in his eyes, you noticed something in the way he looked at you — despite what his mind was telling him to say, in his heart, he didn’t want to lose you, and that made it all the more gut-wrenching. 

You felt so idiotic for thinking this relationship would last, but at the same time, it was such a shame to lose the person who you thought would've been a great lifelong partner. 

If you were being honest with yourself, you couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.

All you wanted to do was fall to your knees and beg him to stay an eternity with you, but from the tone that laced his words, you knew he would follow through with the separation no matter what.

“You deserve so much better and I-” It was almost embarrassing how he couldn’t keep his emotions in check anymore, his voice breaking as he wiped away the forming tears from his eyes with his shoulder. “I didn’t want this to end… If anything, you were the girl I wanted to marry. The girl I wanted to spend my life with, raise a family, and die with” 

The words that spilled out his mouth didn’t help in aiding your broken heart, they only made it harder and harder to keep the tears in your now glossy eyes.

Without a second thought, your mouth opened and you blurted something out. “Are you breaking up with me?” your lip quivered as your eyes scanned his face for an answer. 

It was a stupid question, but it was the only thing on your mind.

The boy was caught off guard by your sudden bluntness. It was a simple yes or no question, but, by the way you spoke, it just made breaking up even harder for him. 

The way you looked at him in such despair was enough for him to finally break eye contact, causing him to shift his gaze onto the ground.

Maybe it was the guilt that caused the boy to go nonverbal for a few seconds — an internal conflict between his heart and mind. You were everything he could ask for, yet, he knew he couldn’t give you everything you needed. 

After what seemed like a century of waiting, with a shaky voice, six words finally fell from his mouth. 

“I think we should break up..” 

And there they were – the words you were dreading to hear. Before you even noticed, the tears you were desperately holding back started to fall from your eyes, streaming down your cheeks and hitting the concrete the both of you stood on. 

It didn’t take long for him to notice the drops of water falling from your eyes, and once he took notice of the tears, his hand found its way to your face, his palm cupping your cheek as he wiped away your tears with his thumb. 

It was as if he wasn’t the reason for the tears. As much as you wanted to scream, telling him not to touch you, to leave your sight and never talk to you again after this, you just couldn’t find it in yourself to do so. 

Everything in your mind was telling yourself to hate him, to loathe his very being. Yet, despite all the hurt he was causing you at this very moment, you still couldn’t see him in a negative light.

Tear after tear fell from your eyes – It was almost pitiful. To you, it felt like you were crying for nothing. You felt stupid for being so affected by this, foolish to be this hurt over a relationship. 

You were in your own little world, caught up in your thoughts, struggling to come to terms with the “sudden” breakup. Trying desperately to grasp the reality of the situation, a familiar warmth seemed to wrap around you.

The boy’s arms held you as you cried, in an attempt to calm your emotions. 

In the moment, as you noticed his arms around you, it almost felt like he was trying to mock you. He had the audacity to try and provide you comfort when he was the cause of the emotional turmoil. 

You stood there for a while, your hands curled into balls, and all you felt was anger. You told yourself you didn't need his sympathy. 

That anger didn’t last long though, it was soon replaced with despair.

Your own arms soon wrapped around the boy’s frame as the tears from your eyes stained his shirt. You found yourself sobbing in his arms, trying to seek the comfort he would always provide for the very last time. 

As your face stayed buried in the gray-haired boy’s chest, he placed his chin on top of your head as his hand rubbed your back. The sound of your muffled sobs made him feel horrible. The guilt of hurting you was unbearable, he felt like such an asshole for doing this to a sweet girl like you.

After some time, the boy finally pulled away. He looked at you for what could be the last time.

As he pulled away and looked at you, he couldn't help but lean in and press a soft kiss on your forehead, as if a silent apology for all the pain he was provoking in this very moment. 

That kiss left you with a conflicting feeling. Every atom in your body wanted to feel anger, you wanted to slap him with your hardest blow. Yet, the kiss brought you unexpected comfort. 

— As much as you wanted to stay in his arms for however long you could, you took a step back, wiping away your tears. 

With a shaky voice, you finally spoke. “I understand” was all you managed to mumble.

He wished you could’ve said more, he hoped that you didn’t hate him and that one day you’d be able to forgive him, but he understood as well, he knew you weren't fond of talking whilst experiencing high emotions. He understood well enough to let you walk away without another word.

Maybe that was Koshi Sugawara’s biggest mistake.

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚ 

From talking for hours on end to walking past each other in the halls. 

It hurt to become so distant from someone who knew everything about you, from two people who claimed to have so much love for each other to strangers.

It felt like a mockery to see Sugawara somewhere on campus, each encounter with him was like a constant reminder of the breakup and the emotions that came with it. 

You tried to avoid Sugawara on campus whenever you could for your sanity, but, going to the same school made it impossible to even attempt. Enviably, you crossed paths with Sugawara occasionally, and every single time you did, you felt your heart break a little.

Before you could even realize it, your mental health began to worsen as the months seemed to drag on. You couldn’t commit to your studies and found yourself slacking off on assignments. And in return, your grades began to plummet. 

It started to feel almost impossible to even focus during lectures, your mind always seemed to be focused on something other than what was being said by the professors. You almost always fell asleep during your classes since you had never gotten the proper amount of sleep the previous night or couldn’t bring yourself to listen to the lecture. 

A period in your life where you avoid talking about it as if mentioning it would bring death upon you. A time in your life when you were at an all-time low; skipping your lectures, laying in bed all day, neglecting your chores.

Smoking was the only thing that brought you comfort during these times. You were well aware of the risks that came with smoking, but the desperation of wanting to escape reality got to you.

But as the days turned into weeks, with the help of the people you had around you, you had found your spark again.

You had finally found yourself once again and you couldn’t be more proud of yourself. Though you weren’t proud of the addiction that came along with it, you can’t change what already had happened. 

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚

– Before you knew it, it was the day of your graduation.

 It was more fulfilling than you had imagined, you couldn’t help but shed tears of joy. You were genuinely so proud of yourself, just a few months ago, you thought you’d never make it here. 

You stood patiently as you waited for your name to be announced.

From around ten people in front of you to only one person. Soon you were next to be called on stage to finally complete this hellish nightmare you were eager to escape. 

You felt your heart beat in anticipation as your hands started to sweat, you couldn’t wait for all the opportunities that were ahead of you. You had always dreamed of opening your very own cafe with recipes you perfected. 

The very second they called your name to walk on the stage, you couldn’t help but tear up. You walked up onto the stage and accepted your diploma with a smile on your face, you shook everyone’s hand and headed back to your seat.

And that’s when the realization finally hit, you were finally done with your college years; you were finally an adult. 

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚

An average day for you after college was you inviting a friend over during the evening and having them taste and critique whatever you had made. Then, the following day you’d try again with less or more of a certain ingredient and then have your friend try it again to see what they’d say.

Baking wasn’t a cheap hobby you could do whenever you pleased.

With that understanding in mind, you took up a job as a cashier at a nearby fast food place just a walk around from your house. 

It’s been like this for a few years now, and you were content with this lifestyle. Of course, there would be times when the stress of not being able to perfect something would get to you, but all it took was a cigarette to calm you down and you were back to figuring out what you should try adding to a recipe next. 

Baking wasn’t much of a clean hobby either, after each session you had to clean. As you were cleaning your kitchen, reorganizing whatever was in there, you realized you were starting to run low on certain ingredients for your pastries. 

Looking at the time, you realized the grocery store was about to close. Panicked, you grabbed your wallet, phone, and house keys before sprinting out the door so you could have a decent amount of time to browse the shelves. 

Luckily, you made it with an hour to look around and decide if you wanted to purchase an item or buy it another time.

After almost an hour, you headed to the self-check-out, scanned your items, paid, and left the store. 

Unfortunately, you didn’t own a car, so that left you to just walk from place to place. You didn’t mind though, you liked walking, it was therapeutic to you. Surrounded by the orange sky, you headed home with earbuds in both ears, playing whatever songs were in your playlist. 

As you entered your neighborhood, you were more than ready to just settle down on your couch and watch the new episode of the current show you were watching. Nearing your apartment, you glanced up from your phone and nearly dropped all the bags you were holding.

Just outside of your apartment complex stood a familiar boy, seemingly looking for someone or something. 

For a while, you just stood still, looking at the figure in disbelief. 

And just like that, it was like you were reliving college all over again. The feelings you swore were gone and you’d never feel again suddenly came rushing back to you, hitting you like one big wave of the ocean.

“Koshi..?” You whispered to yourself as tears began to well up in your eyes. You couldn’t understand why he was outside of your building or how he knew where you lived. 

You had replayed this exact scenario in your head about a million times, so why were you suddenly freezing up?

It was naive, but a part of you believed he wanted to apologize to you for what had happened in college and finally give you closure, and maybe, just maybe, rekindle the spark the two of you once had. 

The cold air of the evening blew against your body as you felt your body heat up, breaking into a cold sweat, it was almost embarrassing how nervous you were getting, you hadn’t even approached him yet.

Before you could ever make the decision, he made that decision for you. The figure that stood in front of your apartment building turned to face you, and that's when you realized, it wasn’t Sugawara, but rather, a stranger. 

Right then and there, that’s when you decided you couldn’t live in this city anymore.

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚

Just seeing someone who resembled him in the slightest was enough to send you spiraling. Alone in your one-bedroom apartment, the only sound that filled the area was your muffled sobs.

You sat in the corner of your bedroom, knees against your chest, head down as you felt all the memories from high school up to college come rushing back to you. 

The desire of wanting to escape the city that was filled with reminders of why a portion of your college years turned bitter and acting on impulse don't mix well.

After seeing that boy outside of your building just a few moments ago, you didn’t waste a second booking a one-way flight to a different city that left the next day. 

It felt somewhat childish, still being bothered by things that happened to you years ago. Even so, you couldn’t stand staying in this city a day longer. 

It wasn’t long after you started packing your things, saying goodbye to the place that was your home for years now. You felt emotional, and rightfully so. You had to leave your family and friends without a goodbye since this was out of the blue, but this is what you needed the most, a fresh start.

The following morning, you made your way straight to the airport, unable to stay another moment in that apartment. Without a second thought, you left your key at the front desk and left without looking back.

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚

Who knew after moving out of your old city, you’d finally be able to accomplish your dream. With the help of the new people you had met, you were finally able to open your own cafe. 

For the first few months that you lived in this new city, there was this feeling of uncertainty you couldn’t shake off. Maybe it was the fact you were completely isolated from everyone else.

Moving to a new city meant you had zero friends, but that issue didn’t last long. As the days passed, you eventually met people who happened to have the right skills to help you open your cafe.

Of course, starting a business isn’t a cheap investment by any means. The cost of simply purchasing the building was more than expensive. Along came interior design, painting and flooring, lighting, storage, equipment, and ingredients. 

A year-long process, but it was worth the wait in your eyes.

It was a hassle and almost put you in debt, but once everything came together, you had no regrets. You were beyond proud of yourself, you never thought you’d be able to come this far; yet, here you are. 

Now, the only thing that remained was the name of the cafe. Though you’ve dreamed of this moment since the day you finished college, you never thought of a name. 

With the help of some friends, a name was finally decided.  

Soon, Autumn cafe was now open to the public. Since your cafe was located in a somewhat popular location in the city, it didn’t take long for the cafe to become a success. 

You felt more than accomplished, you never thought your own business would reach this amount of success in such a short amount of time. 

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚

It’s unexpected for the owner of a business to work in said business. But hiding in plain sight was such a clever way to monitor what was going on in the cafe.

What made it all the more fun, the people you work with don’t know you own this establishment.

It’s a great thing you weren’t present during job interviews, or else this wouldn’t have worked out for you.

You worked as the cashier in your own business, but you didn’t mind. It kept you busy and saved you money as well, it was a win-win. 

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚

10:27 am. It was somewhat of a slow day today, given it was a school day and most of your customers were college students. There were only 5 customers in the store right now, just enjoying the silence of the cafe and eating or drinking whatever they ordered. 

You sat behind the counter reading about whatever drama was currently ongoing. Both your earbuds were plugged in so you couldn't hear whether or not someone came in, but you didn’t care. Rarely anyone came in at this time anyway.

You enjoyed days were work was slow, and you & your coworkers could relax once and a while, you guys enjoyed these moments whenever they were given. 

ᥫ᭡ .  ˚

As you were bickering with your co-workers, one of them pointed behind you, mouthing there was a customer wanting to order.

Panicked, you quickly rushed to the counter, your head down due to embarrassment. “Hello welcome to autumn cafe, what can I get started for yo-“

As your eyes found their way to the person in front of you, you felt your heart drop to your stomach as you realized who it was that stood just in front of you. 

Koshi?  

[lurkingshan]

Unknown Episode 11

Well, let me get this out of the way upfront. This episode brought us to the big moment we've all been waiting for, the final turn in Yuan and Qian's relationship--and unfortunately, it didn't quite land.

I've been sitting with this episode, contemplating my disappointment with the first sequence, and I think it comes down to this show that has been so assured and confident through most of its run faltering at the crucial moment and seeming to lose faith in its own storytelling to the point that it used editing tricks to compensate. The choice to chop up and sequence this narrative lynchpin of a scene out of order is baffling, and it's a choice that significantly stepped on the most important emotional climax of the story. I was confused to go from the conversation outside to a sudden kiss, then disappointed when we cut back to a very short exchange between Qian and Yuan that was supposed to provide the basis for this turn with only some thin dialogue that didn't connect the beats of the scene, and then into an intense sexual encounter (that was constantly interrupted by repetitive flashbacks) that should have felt like a triumphant and revelatory moment but didn't because of the way we got there.

I know I'm not the only one feeling that way, since folks have been creating and distributing reedited versions of the scene, and Youku actually uploaded a new version free on YouTube with all the flashbacks removed (a clear move toward fan appeasement after the show received a lot of negative feedback on the scene). The editing and the flashbacks were annoying, but honestly the fundamental problem was the scene they wrote did not sufficiently sell the change for Qian--he goes from saying he is still not certain what he wants to being ready to be dicked down in a couple minutes' time, with nothing in the exchange providing any new information or impetus for the shift. The performers did great work but unfortunately the writing and directing and editing decisions around this sequence were just bad; it's frustrating for this to happen with arguably the most important scene of the romance.

A note about the novel: the way this final turn happened there was quite different and, candidly, better in just about every way, from the impetus for the change to the beats of the revelation to the progression of physical intimacy on a pace that felt much more attuned to the emotional complexities at play. I do not know why the show did...this when they had better source material content to work with, but here we are. I absolutely recommend that anyone who loves this show read it!

So, with that disappointment expressed, on to the rest of the episode, in which Yuan and Qian settled into their couple era. I was deeply amused by Qian taking to their sex life like a moth to a flame to the point of daydreaming in meetings, but I do wish the episode had focused more on the natural tension and role confusion that should have resulted from this huge shift in their relationship. They touched on that a bit in the scene where Yuan asked Qian if his hug was from his brother or his boyfriend, but they didn't delve into those complexities in the way I hoped they would. I enjoyed their date at the local restaurant (and loved their friendly neighborhood gangster helping to set the mood) and how much it felt like they were surrounded by their history as they moved through all of these familiar locations where they've had important moments. I didn't much care for the insertion of the health scare plot or the time spent on Le and the doc, though I'm always happy for more Sam Lin even if it comes in the form of a weird late stage and wholly unnecessary ship.

My favorite scene between Yuan and Qian in this episode was far and away the discussion on the stairs with Qian reflecting on his fears of becoming more like his mother and Yuan biting him to snap him out of his fatalistic attitude (this felt like such a classic Priest tribute, she always has biting in her romances). It was a helpful re-centering of what they do for each other and why Yuan is an important presence in Qian's life. I didn't think we needed the health scare for Qian, but I did love Qian choosing to go to this place where he found Yuan to contemplate his life and what matters, with Yuan in turn reflecting that even though he's seen a lot more of the world now, he still prefers to come home to this street. I found that exchange so moving and I think it was important for Qian to hear that.

And that scene led to my other favorite thing in this episode, which was everything to do with Lili and her bond with her brothers. I teared up to see her standing against the wall where Qian has measured their growth talking about the sneaky ways she would try to care for Qian when they were younger, with San Pang listening attentively and gazing at her adoringly. It was such a small moment, but a really lovely window into their relationship dynamic and the shared history they also have together. And when Yuan and Qian came in hand in hand and she just ran to them and offered up her love and acceptance, I felt so much warmth for this family and everything they've survived together.

[pestorik]

whats up, im asking you about platonic cayrid

omg anon what a pleasant surprise thank you for asking! i was not expecting this at all!

im very much in love with the idea of cater and riddle having a tragic mother-daughter relationship. yes i know cater is only one year older thats not the POINT. WE ARE CALLING THIS THE CAYRID AFTERSUN DYNAMIC (this is not about my au btw it's my delusional thoughts about twst canon)

cater having mental health issues but riddle ALSO having mental health issues and cater establishing himself as someone to talk to who understands what riddle is going through. riddle finding so much comfort in cater but also KNOWING that cater has his own issues, wishing he would rely on riddle the way riddle does cater but also still being unable to fully overcome and even understand his own trauma. he can't help cater the way he wishes he could, not when he himself is still so damaged and barely able to deal with his own shit. cater will help him through it all but but riddle isn't big enough or strong enough to do the same for cater, no matter how much he wants to.

cater wants more than anything for riddle to be happy. he sees so much of himself in him but cant stand the idea of making riddle the same as him. he will listen to and comfort riddle endlessly and never talk about his own issues bc he is a parent. he wont rely on riddle like that bc that's not what a parent does to a child, that's not a burden you want a child to feel. there are things you can't share with them. he wears a mask for riddle but it's a mask made from genuine love.

they both want nothing but happiness for each other. cater will do everything in his power to give that to riddle. but riddle cant do the same, cater is unreachable to him. they are equal but they are not the same. it's not something they can change, it's just the way of the world. adults need other adults, and that's all riddle can hope for. that someone else will save cater, because he knows he can't.

(this is all rather dramatic sounding but hopefully im getting the idea across. this makes it seem like they are breaking down crying and shouting into the night for each other but it's more just a lot of sad quiet glances and the feeling of being helpless. go watch aftersun.

this is obviously not exclusive to moms and daughters, but ive always felt there is just an inherent loneliness to being a daughter, knowing your mother is suffering but being unable to help her because you are just a child. everyone says you are just like her, and it's true. but there's always the feeling, and the fact, that no matter how much you love your mother you will never truly know her like she knows you.)

[lonecapybara]

Waring/ child abuse, Suicide attempt

Creepypasta character analysis

Before starting I want to say that since there is not much direct information, most of what I'm saying are my own assumptions and theories that I thought would be cool to share since I don't see many people theorize on creepypasta. Also Tumblr has a limit of 10 images in a thread, so I had to choose only the images that were really important to what I was talking 😞

Creepypasta is one of the most mysterious characters from eve, he is full of dubious actions and contradictions. Because of this I wanted to try to understand him, how he affects Fuchi and his intentions with Fuchi, Tobi and Ryuuko

First let's start with the insomnia MV. In the mv we learn that fuchi has been suffering with the balloon disease ( where he sees people's faces as balloons) and even goes to the doctor to try to diagnostic it, with no success.

But from what we know from the fight song character information, creepypasta has mental abilities . So I think it's safe to assume that creepypasta is the one causing the balloon disease that Fuchi suffers throughout the insomnia MV.

However, that raises a huge question: why would he manipulate Fuchi into seeing people's faces as balloons? In the mv it's shown that creepypasta has been by fuchi's side since he was a little kid and cared a lot about him and fuchi seemed to also love him, usually drawing him and creepypasta together as family. However when Fuchi was hurt by his abusive father he got so upset that he got to the point of murdering his abusive father and faking his suicide in order to keep Fuchi safe.

With this in mind I believe that with the decline of fuchi's mental health, creepypasta became more and more protective of him, drastically changing their relationship with Fuchi, going to the point of manipulating his view of reality to "protect" him from the world.

Since fuchi had low self-esteem he took his ability of seeing other people's expressions so they wouldn't affect him negatively . Since he was depressed, creepypasta made him sleepwalk as brat fuchi, to help him escape from reality, where he could be the happy and confident kid he always wished he could be. ( I think that brat fuchi was creation of Fuchi's mind, but the sleepwalking is part of creepypasta manipulation)

The problem was that everything he did on his "Dreamworld" actually happened so fuchi's destructive thoughts were reflected on his dreams and became reality . I think that's what caused the street incident where creepypasta was helping brat Fuchi cause chaos ( that's the only explanation that I can give for creepypasta stealing a truck and causing all those accidents lol), but Fuchi was actually causing that whole destruction in the real world, which he later realizes and ends up fighting against brat fuchi, finally accepting his trauma and freeing himself from creepypasta's manipulation.

I was going straight to sayonara end roll, but before that I wanted to talk a bit about fight song since creepypasta makes an appearance there too.

On fight song, creepypasta is part of the Mafia that are the main villains of the MV ( Don't ask me what the heck he's doing there cause I have no clue lol), and he was there when adult Ryuuko was alive, and watched her get beheaded. So this guy is just hanging out with Fuchi, Tobi and Ryuuko knowing damn well that he participated (or at least witnessed )to her execution and he's just acting like nothing happened, what's wrong with him 😭

However there's something interesting that happens in the fight of Tobi against gazu. Like said in the creepypasta characters information he was supposed to fight tobi in case gazu was defeated, and he is defeated because of Ryuuko's intervention, but creepypasta doesn't do anything, he just stays at the table and in the end he seems to be untouched like he didn't fight at all. You could say that he just didn't expect Ryuuko's to be in the fight and decided to not do anything, but she actually only stays in her dragon form for a few seconds. So if he really wanted to he probably could deal with Tobi by himself ( since they were already sure gazu was going to defeat tobi,and they were right about it, they probably were also right about creepypasta being able to defeat him). So this could mean that creepypasta isn't that loyal to the Akamaku and might have his own reasons to be part of the mafia, or maybe Fuchi and Tobi had already met so he decided to not attack him since he's Fuchi's friend.

Now let's finally get to sayonara end roll. Even though he doesn't appear much( he appears in like one frame lol), I think it's extremely important for his character. In this MV Fuchi attempts to kill himself drowning at the beach, however before drowning Tobi saves his life. When the MV ended my first question was how did tobi know fuchi was at the beach? But we had our answer in one post from eve official on twitter.

The translator: https://x.com/aakaeve/status/1875076813589975301?t=uTW6Mgbx193HWLdZA3mGNQ&s=19

Because of this we discover that Fuchi has no memory of sending his location on twitter at all, so creepypasta probably controlled Fuchi and made him tweet his location. Without that tobi would never have found fuchi and he would have died at that beach. I think that with this we can assume that creepypasta not only didn't have anything to do with Fuchi's suicide attempt, but he was also doing what he could to save fuchi's life.

That made me question how many times did creepypasta saved Fuchi from himself? Because we know this is not his first suicide attempt, since we saw him trying to hang himself on insomnia MV(which I doubt was his first attempt).

Even though there is still a lot of information missing about creepypasta, and the fact that we never see things from his own perspective I think it's possible to make a summary of his character.

First it's important to note that creepypasta is not a human, and he probably doesn't have a good understanding of human emotions or morals, also a zingai is their host shadow, so they are heavily impacted by their host mental health, so while fuchi's mental health was getting worse creepypasta was getting worse too.

Therefore I believe that he does love Fuchi, however with time this love was corrupted. Because of everything he saw Fuchi suffer he started to become extremely overprotective of him, until instead of protecting him he started to manipulate and control him.

Even though Fuchi would probably be dead without creepypasta either by his father's actions or by himself, it's a fact that he caused a lot of pain on fuchi, even if he had good intentions, by making the balloon disease he basically took fuchi's ability to communicate with people and create ties with others and by making him sleepwalk Fuchi committed crimes against his will, making him go to jail , which was one of the reasons for his last suicide attempt.

Nonetheless, I think that creepypasta could be getting a bit better, one thing that could show this is that on sayonara end roll it was the first time that we saw creepypasta trusting another person to save Fuchi. By sending his location on twitter he was probably hoping that tobi would see it and rescue him.

[darkestspring]

daemyra daughter update - what about her confrontation with daemon?

Even if you had come to help your mother because you didn't like seeing her like this, you couldn't say you wanted to see your father. You didn't actually. You'd lived without him for so long maybe it didn't hurt to be angry with him , like it did to be upset with your mother.

You'd known the love of a father before, with Laenor and with Ser Harwin. Thye'd both been affectionate to you, listening intently to you and looking at the drawings you made and praising them. You had loved them both.

But why did it hurt so much?

"Child." Daemon's almost frantic voice followed after you as you sped walk away from him, ignoring him as you practically fled away from him. "Please! Please just listen to me."

You didn't want to do this. You were only here for your mother's health. You wanted to be with Aegon and with your children. You wanted to be with your family as they told you about their days and you wanted to find comfort in Aegon like you always did.

"Listen to you?" You whirled around to face him, anger curling at you insides. "My son was almost killed, by the men you sent to infiltrate the place where my children play and sleep! does the bounds of your vileness never end?" You wanted to choke on your own words but they spilled form your words like poison dripping from your tongue.

You wished you'd had more self-restraint.

He looked like you'd just slapped him in the face but it wasn't the look on his face that hurt the most, it was seeing him stagger back like you'd just broken his heart. "I never wanted this for you. I never wished for that upon you or upon your children."

"Just upon Aegon, yes?" You laughed but it wasn't the lively, happy laugh that Daemon had yearned to hear since you had married Aegon and he stopped being able to see you. No, it was a dry, bitter laugh, one full of anger. "Aegon's children are mine, He is my husband, whether you like that or not. You sent them there and my son almost paid the price for it." Angry tears filled your eyes and sobs spilled from your lips.

"My poor baby who has never done anything wrong! He almost paid the price of crimes he had nothing to do with." Your shoulder trembled as the grief you tried so hard to suppress to put your children at ease bubbled up.

Daemon knew he shouldn't. He knew you had every right to hate him, he had put your children in danger, he had put you in danger but seeing you like this broke his heart. His arms wrapped around you softly and your sobs and wails only got louder as you let him.

It was familiar, comforting and it shouldn't have been. But it was.

[cyberrose2001]

my time has come. *rubs hands together*

i rlly hope this is allowed but... okok so op comes back from a mission/patrol or whatever, a little bit injured. like he needs to stay in the medical bay for a bit. fem!reader is very obviously worried abt their beloved op and refuses to leave his side, even after ratchet confirms that op is just fine. right right so then it's late at night and after ratchet is used to reader sleeping beside op, he wishes them goodnight and leaves the medbay for the night. op and reader are cuddling and op decides to reassure his conjunx that he's okay with some tender loving care, in the form of sexual activities aka fuckin on his very own bed.

TFP Optimus x fem!Reader

I feel like I could’ve written this better, but I’m sore and in pain from my monthly’s (my uterus is killing me slowly), but regardless, I hope you enjoy! <3

Warnings: AFAB reader, fem reader, human reader, mentions of pain/death, reader tops OP in the med bay, general smut.

Word count: 1563

18+ ONLY MINORS DNI

“You scare me too much. You know that, right?”

It was starting to become more and more common. Optimus would be out in the field doing what he does best, kicking Decepticons aft first and taking names later. Well, honestly, it’s the other way around. Your mech always had a way with words, but occasionally, those words bite back.

Optimus is injured. Again. Though nothing too significant, as assessed by Ratchet, it’s still enough to send your heart into a frenzy of anxiety and dread. Your mind always anticipates the next time he comes back through that ground bridge, it will be his last. Injuries too severe for him to heal from.

But Optimus, the ever-persevering mech he is, is convinced that you have healing hands.

“I know,” He smiles, it’s reassuring, but you can see the small winces he tries to hide when you glide your hands across his dented chassis, “And I am genuinely sorry for it.”

“You always say that,” You exhale under your breath, resting your head under his chin, “One day, you’re never gonna come back to me, and sorry’s won’t make up for it.”

His vents hitch. Your words were harsh, like a blunt knife. And akin to being stabbed, Optimus is painfully aware of the risks every time he steps foot on the battlefield. He wonders what life he would leave you if he never returned, but the mere thought of that pains him more than a sharp edge.

“I know,” Optimus closes his eyes, and his smile falters, letting his servos trail delicate lines along your spine, “But I am fine. There is no need for you to bare my wounds; your solicitude is unnecessary.”

“Unnecessary? Optimus, I lay awake every night when you’re not in berth with me,” You scoff in disbelief, “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve cried myself to sleep because I’m so scared you’re never gonna… god damn it, I don’t wanna lose you. I can’t.”

Optimus watches as tears roll down your cheeks. He moves a servo from your back to gently wipe them away, “You’ll never lose me. That is a promise I will always keep.”

You bite back a sob and lean your head into his servo, “You better, but still, you’re hurt.”

“Only temporarily, if not at all,” He hums, the servo stroking your back creeping down to loosely cup your ass, “But if you still need reassurance, I am happy to demonstrate my optimal health.”

You feel a digit push behind the hem of your pants, and you know precisely what your mech is asking for.

“Optimus, there’s no way,” You wipe the rest of your tears away before pushing yourself up to straddle his pelvis, “If you hadn’t noticed, we’re in the med bay, and you’re in no shape to have sex.”

“You underestimate me,” Optimus purrs, and fuck; he’s squeezing your ass so nicely, “What better way to reassure my love that I am fine than by fragging them?”

You bite your lip and weigh your options. You both might get caught by Ratchet and risk not looking him in the optics again or have amazing earth-shattering sex with Optimus, but risk hurting him. You glance at his face again, and you shouldn’t have because optics have dimmed with pure arousal.

You gulp, “Are you sure?”

Optimus tugs down your pants, now hanging loosely at your ankles. He leans up and kisses your shoulder, “Undoubtedly.”

He’s pulling your underwear down now, and it seems that your body has decided for you because you’re utterly drenched. Fuck it.

“Forgive me, Ratchet.” You lean forward and collide your lips with your lover. Optimus returns the kiss with equal enthusiasm, grunting as you push your tongue into his mouth to tangle with his own.

During the breathless kiss, Optimus pushes his servo between your body, pressed against his own. He runs a digit along your wet slit, and you can feel his shutter against your mouth. He pushes a digit inside, and you let a desperate moan slip.

“So wet for me already,” He breaks the kiss and pumps his digit slowly, “Remove the remainder of your garments, please.”

You oblige, sitting upright again, and, in turn, pushes the digit further inside you. You struggle to rip your shirt and bra off as you feel him curling against your g-spot, throwing them somewhere off to the side.

“Please, Optimus.” You shiver and lean your arm back to paw at his interfacing panel, which feels ready to burst, “Let’s be -fuck- quick.”

He withdraws his servo from underneath you, and it glistens under the surgical lamps with your fluids and leaves you longing for something to fill you. With the same servo, he fumbles with his interfacing panel and unlatches it, spike pressurising against your back.

You ready yourself over his weeping spike, a hand splayed on his abdomen and one wrapped around his spike. Biting your lip, you press his tip inside and push your hips down as far as possible. You moan at the fullness, lip quivering once you’ve fully sheathed yourself around him.

Optimus grunts at your fluttering walls and moves to grip your hips, massaging your flesh to keep himself under control. His optics flicker to your eyes, “Remember, be silent if you wish not to alert the others.”

You nod and slowly lift your hips, slamming them back down, and choke. Optimus rarely lets you ride his spike, preferring to top and fuck you himself. But god, every time you do feels better than the last. The feeling of every little bump and groove along his thickness is pleasurable beyond imaginable, and you’re finding it harder to keep quiet.

Optimus’ grip on your hips tightens, and before long, he’s guiding you to slam down on himself more forcefully. The only sounds filling the med bay are the lewd echoes of flesh against metal and your combined hushed whimpers.

Your lover groans, optics trained on your soft body bouncing on his throbbing spike. He loves the way your breasts and stomach jiggle every time your hips meet his own. And fuck, he can feel his impending overload.

Optimus reaches his arms around your back and forces you to lie plush against him, and before you can protest, he covers your mouth with a servo.

“Shhh, you wish for me to be quick, hmm?” Optimus growls lowly, readjusting his hips underneath you.

You nod and moan against his palm, wiggling your hips for more friction. He satisfactorily hums.

“Well, you must be quiet,” Optimus rolls his hips upwards slowly, “If not, and we are discovered, I will not hesitate to use a gag next time. Are we clear?”

Well, now you know for sure that Optimus is fine; his dominant side is showing off. It always creeps out of him when he is nearing overload, which means lying down and taking it. And you fucking love it.

Optimus removes his servo covering your mouth and returns it to wrap around your back. His hips start slow before transitioning into a break-neck pace, and the force causes your head to rest on his chassis.

“Oh fuck,” You whine softly. Your eyes squeeze shut, and you bring your hand to your mouth to bite the flesh of your palm, a pathetic attempt to silence yourself. His spike hits deeper than before, hips craned at the perfect angle to rub against your g-spot.

Optimus’ restrained moans emanating from his chassis vibrate your skull, “So warm and tight, I’m sure you’re enjoying this, needing to keep quiet, hmm?”

“Yesss,” You whisper, only loud enough so he can hear you above the wet sounds of his thick spike entering you, “I wanna cum… please.”

Optimus groans and kisses the top of your head, thrusts his hips into you harder, “Frag, you’re so good for me. Overload then.”

That’s all it took before a white-hot flash of pleasure explodes in your lower stomach, tight walls clench around him like a vice as your orgasm shakes your body. Your teeth clamped on your palm loosen, and your jaw drops in a silent scream, taking all your strength to suppress your vocal cords as Optimus pushes himself to the hilt, hot trans fluid shooting up into your sore pussy.

You move your head to look up at him, and by the Primes, does he look gorgeous. His jaw is clenched, and his optics are screwed shut in utter euphoria. And the most admirable thing is that he didn’t even make a sound. You make a mental note to applaud him for it later.

You feel his arms loosen against your back as he spurts the last of his trans fluids inside you, dripping out onto the gurney below, a concoction of your combined fluids that will most likely need multiple rags to clean up.

Optimus unclenches his jaw, and an ungodly amount of smoke shoots out of his exhausts. He looks down at you and gives you a soft smile, venting raggedly.

“Was that enough proof that I am fine?” He whispers, cupping your face to give you a breathless yet passionate kiss.

You hun into the kiss before releasing from it, “I suppose so,” You turn your head to observe the sheer amount of fluids coating Optimus’ hips and the gurney, “But let’s clean up before Ratchet kills us.”

[aemehhh]

Regrets and mistakes are memories made- Jotaro x Reader

CW: Canon typical violence, swearing (like, a lot.), blood, deep wounds, hurt, angst, mentions of PTSD, mentions of depression and a panic attack is described in great detail, detailed description of character death, heartbreak. Also, spoiler warning for parts 3-6!

Wc: ~9.5k

A/N: Hello everybody! After I made a poll on here a lil while ago, people voted for a Jotaro fic and of course, your wish is my command.

First off, I want to apologize for any grammar mistakes; english isn't my first language. Also, this is my first fic, so any criticism is appreciated <3

Second of all, the story is made with a fem! Reader in mind, so the pronouns she/her are used. Also, the Reader is a Stand user! The name of the Stand is based on the Song "Head In The Clouds" by Hayd. Please give the Song a listen when you're done reading! :) Link for the song here: https://youtu.be/_aYQZoC3YCY?si=I8hSXMTYTzBmwzXC

Lastly, I am no mental health professional. Every description of depression and panic attacks stems from my own experiences as well as research I did. So, if you can't identify with Readers symptoms, I apologize. I also apologize if Jotaro is OOC. I still hope you have fun reading this story!

Enjoy~!

Love sucks. Like, it really, really fucking sucks.

Okay, no, it doesn't. But it kind of does too. It doesn't suck, when you see how you bring a smile to your partner's face with just your presence. It doesn't suck when you kiss the person you love or feel their touch or their warmth, and your heart just bursts with happiness. It doesn't suck, when your partner has a smile reserved for you and only you. When you whisper sweet nothings into each other's ear, fall asleep tangled in an intimate embrace, and then wake up to your beloved's face in the morning.

 

No, love really doesn't suck when that is the case. In fact, it can be considered to be truly beautiful.

 

It is beautiful when it is reciprocated. And that is where it really does start to fucking suck.

 

You met Jotaro Kujo in your very first year of high school. Jotaro was your classmate back then, and he always sat silently by the window. There was always that bizarre aura to Jotaro, when you look back. He has always had his typical, grumpy demeanor that practically screamed, "Leave me the fuck alone." His appearance spoke for itself. Although he was extremely handsome, having high cheekbones, a nearly perfect nose, the most beautiful blue eyes that have ever graced the earth's presence, as well as gorgeous, black curls; the most common expression on his face was a scowl. Jotaro also had more of a delinquent type of style when it came to how he wore his hair and uniform, and if that wasn't enough, he also told each and every single person who approached him to fuck off. So, he wasn't just a loner; he was kind of a freak, at least in your eyes. Which is precisely why you never bothered to interact with him, even when you became classmates and your assigned desk was next to his.

 

However, the two of you became friends in the long run. Though, to be frank, the way it happened really was bizarre.

 

It started at the beginning of your second year in high school. Unlike Jotaro, you weren't a loner by any means. On the contrary, although you weren't the most popular girl in school, you were social enough to have a close circle of friends that you hung out with regularly, and you didn't need more than that.

 

While the two of you never really spoke to one another, Jotaro was relieved that you were in the seat next to his. You were one of the only girls in the school who wasn't screeching in his ear whenever he walked by. Hell, you didn't even interact with him unless you were forced to by your teacher because of a dumb group assignment.

 

A group project was actually the reason why he started taking notice of you.

 

You two were working on a project with two other classmates. Jotaro was mostly silent, only saying something if absolutely necessary, which wasn't out of the norm for him. He looked out of the window with a bored expression, waiting for the next time he could smoke a much-needed cigarette. At the same time, you were in a heated discussion with a classmate about some stupid argument that needed to be brought up in a debate as part of the project. That classmate had completely disagreed with anything you said, not because he had good arguments, but because that fucker wanted to get on your nerves, and you knew it. You and that asshole were at it for about five minutes, and you were getting increasingly angry when, all of a sudden, the guy just magically agreed with your opinion. More or less. The guy claimed that that exact thought—your argument—just came into his head randomly. Jotaro noticed there was something weird about you at that moment. There was a shift of energy in the air when the guy just suddenly agreed with you, and it rubbed him in the wrong way.

 

Jotaro kept an eye on you after that. He noticed it happening like this a handful of times, where someone wouldn't agree with you for a while, then there would be a sort of shift, and all of a sudden, they'd agree with you. It bothered him real bad now.

 

Jotaro got his "evil spirit" soon after and was arrested. After his grandpa came to Japan and explained the concept of Stands to him, as well as the looming threat over their heads, a 100-year-old vampire named DIO, Jotaro suspected that you might have a Stand as well. After all, according to his grandpa, Stand users attract other Stand users.

 

Jotaro was right with his assumption.

 

You discovered you had a Stand during Jotaro's battle with Noriaki Kakyoin. You were in the nurse's office because you wanted to ask for some painkillers when the nurse, possessed by what you would later find out to be Kakyoin's Stand, attacked Jotaro and two other students. Something within you awoke in that moment, and a humanoid gray ghost came up behind the nurse, whispering in her ear that she would no longer attack the students. Afterwards, Kakyoin's Stand, Hierophant Green, came out of the nurse's body as if in a trance, and Jotaro's own Stand beat Kakyoin to a pulp.

 

Per his request, you followed Jotaro home that day as he carried Kakyoin, whom you discovered to be controlled by DIO. there. From there on, you learned about Stands from Jotaro's grandfather, Mr. Joseph Joestar, as well as his friend Muhammad Avdol, both of whom were Stand users.

 

On that day, you also named your Stand.

 

"So, from what it seems, your Stand has the ability to manipulate someone's thoughts and actions by whispering your command into their ear. This creates a haze that manipulates the opponent's head in such a manner that they think your command was their own thought. Therefore, making them take that action with no question asked. That is quite a useful ability to have." Avdol said while grabbing his chin in thought and looking at you.

 

"I guess now it makes sense why people magically agree with me when I fight with them, huh?" You scratched the back of your head, letting out an awkward and nervous laugh. All of this was just.. bizarre. Stands, a 100-year-old vampire in Egypt? Yeah. Not something that is usually happening in day-to-day life.

 

"So, got a name in mind? You can't just call it a ghost." Mr. Joestar, who insisted you call him Joseph, said with a grin.

 

You looked at the floor for a moment, pondering. Then you had one in mind.

 

"Hmm.. "Head in the Clouds" sounds pretty fitting, doesn't it?." You replied to the older man with a smile.

 

The true adventure began when Jotaro's angel of a mother, Holy, became ill from her Stand's power. Her soul was too kind, too gentle to be able to keep up with it. Avdol examined Holy and predicted that she would only have about 50 days until her body succumbed to her Stand's power and she would die. Mr. Joestar, who was beyond devastated and angry, called some doctors from the renowned Speedwagon Foundation (apparently this guy has connections everywhere in the fucking world) over to look after Holy.

 

Avdol, Joseph, Jotaro, and Noriaki, who was now freed from DIO's curse, planned to take the 50-day trip to Egypt in order to save Holy and defeat DIO. You were asked to join the others. And although hesitant at first, you agreed to tag along.

 

Your parents were contacted by the Speedwagon Foundation a few hours later, and they told them you got a spot in their international exchange program for Japanese students (you allegedly applied months ago). You had a bit of explaining to do that night, but they had no reason to think you were lying, so they let you go.

 

You got close to everyone on the trip. You even had a new guy join the group; a large, French man with silver hair called Jean Pierre Polnareff. He was quite a silly man, sometimes even a bit of a perv, but he was serious when he needed to be. The group sort of became a family to you at some point. Mr. Joestar, who insisted you call him Joseph, was acting like a father to Jotaro, Noriaki and you. Even when he was annoying at times, he kept his heart in the right place and made sure everyone was fed and doing as well as possible. You saw where Holy got her kind heart from. Avdol, although he was gone for some time, recovering from his shot wound given to him by a Stand user, was a very interesting and charming man. You and the others often listened to him talk about his travels all over the world and all the different people he met before.

 

Noriaki, Jotaro and you were the closest to one another, though. You guys formed a close bond that grew with each passing day. While you were indifferent towards Jotaro in the beginning, mainly because you didn't care to bother a person who very obviously wasn't keen on getting attention, you had learned to read him over the course of the trip. His body language and the way his eyes looked in different situations made it fairly easy for you to know what mood Jotaro was in. Take it from growing up in a home where you'd have to guess what your parent's mood was based on their footsteps alone, but your analyzing of his behavior made it easy to figure him out. Jotaro had a cold demeanor, yes, but he was also undeniably loyal, and he was worried deeply about his mother and friends. He protected those close to him with everything he could, and, not to mention, he did have a kickass sense of humor sometimes. You noticed little things about Jotaro too. You took note of how his face started sweating when he got stressed, his right nostril twitching slightly as well, or how he pulled his hat over his eyes when he got flustered or embarrassed, covering that up with his signature mutter of "good grief". You also started looking up to Jotaro the more you witnessed him fight, with Star Platinum's pure strength being something truly out of this world.

 

And while you weren't the most effective when it came to pure strength and close-hand combat, your Stand was strong enough to defend you most times, and your mind-manipulation saved the team's asses plenty as well. Your strategic and quick-thinking skills were impressive, and similar to Noriaki, you were able to come up with plans at the speed of light to figure out when an enemy Stand user was scheming something. This helped you bond with Noriaki, too. Both of you quickly became the team's strategists.

 

You and the guys basically bonded over beating ass. That's a given, though, considering the mission you and the gang were on.

 

You remember that one night, after you guys defeated the Sun. Jotaro, Noriaki, and you were sitting around a fire while Joseph and Polnareff were asleep. Avdol was still out of commission because of the shot wound, and Iggy, the dog Stand user that would later join you, wasn't there yet either. Or was he? (You aren't sure anymore.).

 

The three of you were talking. Well, kinda, it was mostly you and Noriaki talking about an ongoing manga that came out after a video game series, while Jotaro sat and listened to you, occasionally throwing in a comment or two. It was easy talking to the guys, maybe because all of you were the same age. That night, the three of you fell asleep by the fire with a light mood in the air. Nowadays, you look back on small moments like these fondly, a warmth embracing your heart.

 

But it hasn't always been that way.

 

"Death is inevitable. We all die one day."

 

Avdol muttered these words a few nights before he would die. The group of you were in a hotel room, most likely Joseph's. Iggy was asleep on the bed, Jotaro was smoking a cigarette with Polnareff on the balcony, and Noriaki was still in the hospital. You, Avdol, and Joseph sat at the table and drank coffee. You started the conversation. The injuries everyone, including you, got during the trip were heavy on your mind.

 

"Do you guys ever worry about dying here? Like, at all?" You broke the comfortable silence that was in the air. Your anxiety gnawed at your heart.

 

"Where did that question come from?" Joseph looked at you and laughed; today you know that it was a strained laugh, uncomfortable, even. Avdol only looked at you with a raised brow.

 

Joseph laughing made your 17-year-old self feel insecure about your feelings. You averted your gaze to your hands and started fiddling with them. "I.. I don't know. To be honest, I've just been thinking about death a lot these past few days, I guess. Day 50 is about three days away as well.." you hesitated. "I'm just overthinking. Forget I said anything." There was a long stretch of silence that followed until Avdol spoke up.

 

"Death is inevitable. Each one of us is going to die one day." Avdol placed a hand on your shoulder and gave it a light squeeze before continuing. "I'm not scared of dying, no. If I live my life to the fullest, I will never have regrets, and if I have no regrets, I can die without worries. It's the only way to fight the fear of death, and let me give you this piece of advice; it's how you live a happier life."

 

Joseph cleared his throat. The topic made him uncomfortable; you know that today. "You know, you're still young." He started. "I don't think you could die without regrets, even if you tried. You're still in high school; you have the whole world to see. I don't plan on letting you kids die, and neither am I letting Holy die. It's not your time yet."

 

He was right. It wasn't your time. Neither was it Noriaki's, Avdol's, or Iggy's. But unlike the aforementioned, you were lucky enough to survive the battle against DIO.

 

To be frank, you barely made it. DIO targeted you after he killed Noriaki. And just before finishing you off completely, Joseph attacked him. If it weren't for him, you'd have been mush on the sidewalk.

 

You were hospitalized for about a month and a half after the battle. Your parents were told you were in a car accident with your "research group". In reality, DIO dropped a car onto your body. Your stand protected you well enough from dying, but you still had grave injuries. Part of your lower spine and hip got crushed. They performed surgery, added some metal plates and some other high-tech stuff to your bones so you would be able to walk again, and you also had to get a kidney transplant. There was some more stuff to it, but you never bothered to remember what they did in detail. The memory stung too much.

 

None of your physical pain could even compare to what you felt emotionally, anyway.

 

Survivor's guilt honestly ate you up alive. It gnawed on your heartstrings and burned as if someone poured a bottle of chili sauce on your heart and lungs. You felt even more horrible when you couldn't attend Noriaki's funeral. Joseph was the only one to go. Jotaro felt too guilty to be there.

 

Speaking of, Jotaro frequently visited you in the hospital.

 

You would've thought that Jotaro wanted to forget all about the trip and bury it—and you—in the past. But no, he often came by. He paid more attention in class, you noticed, since he always brought you notes. He also helped you study.

 

You avoided the topic of the trip like the plague at first. Until you couldn't.

 

When you got out of the hospital, Jotaro and you spoke much more at school since you joined him on the roof during his smoke breaks (you picked up the habit as well, not your proudest moment). So, it was weird to not see you at school that day.

 

Jotaro has felt uneasy a few times in his life. That day was one of them. He knew that your parents weren't going to be home for another two weeks; you told him that they were on a month-long vacation overseas, which in turn meant that you'd been alone for a while. He would never have admitted it out loud back then, but he was worried about you, especially because, as he came to find out, you didn't call in sick that day either.

 

He got even more worried when you didn't open the door. He rang the bell at least six times and knocked for three solid minutes until he got sick of it. He used Star Platinum to open your door from the inside and let himself in. He was panicking, picturing a bloody mess in your room. He thought, maybe that one pawn of DIO's, that DIO wrote about in his diary, hunted you down to finish you off and get revenge. He pictured blood, a corpse—the most grotesque image you could think of—and his heart pumped harder with every step he took towards your room.

 

He busted your door down when he walked in. It might not have been graceful, but fuck it. He blamed the adrenaline later on.

 

The first thing Jotaro saw was shattered glass on the floor. It looked like it was a mirror once. The next things were your school supplies that were scattered everywhere, as well as dirt and a destroyed flower pot. Your wardrobe apparently joined the mess too. Its broken, wooden remains adorning the ground, and a lot of your clothes were at the center of it. If it hadn't been for your cowering form in the very back corner of the room, Jotaro would have thought you'd been robbed.

 

That night, you remember, they appeared in your dream. They, as in, your friends who didn't survive the trip. You were all meeting up in Jotaro's garden, and everyone was a little older. It was fun; it felt warm; it felt like home. There was laughter coming from Joseph and Avdol; they were laughing at Iggy and Polnareff, who were fighting as usual. Noriaki was helping Holy pour tea into everyone's cup, and you and Jotaro were on the side, smoking a cigarette.

 

That's how you knew it was a dream; you were smoking. You only started after the Egypt trip, much to your doctor's disappointment.

 

It was a beautiful dream. And it sucked. It sucked because it wasn't reality. It sucked because Iggy, Avdol, and Noriaki were dead, and they were never coming back.

 

When you woke up that day, you almost couldn't get out of bed. Your bed was comfortable; it was safe. Your room was safe. Until it didn't feel safe anymore.

 

The dream didn't trigger the breakdown. It was stupid (a comment your therapist would scold you for), actually. It was a dog barking in your neighbor's garden. This past week, you noticed that your neighbors got a new puppy. Also, guess what? Of course, the fucking puppy had to be black and white. During that time, you repressed all memories of the group, apart from when they appeared in your dream. However, for some fucking dumbass reason, that dog just brought everything back.

 

Your chest tightened in that moment. You knew the feeling of having to cry, and although you didn't want to, the tears just came. Usually, that wouldn't be a problem. You could wipe the tears, take a breath, and go about your day. That day, you couldn't.

 

Everything made you angry. You were extremely frustrated, and when you looked into the mirror, you didn't see yourself; all you saw was failure. You saw yourself as an utter, embarrassing failure. A mess that couldn't protect your friends for the life of you. The sight pissed you off. You grabbed the mirror and smashed it on the ground; the glass was in pieces on your floor. When you turned around, you saw your desk, your homework from the day prior still being there. Fuck it, fuck school, fuck every single thing. You didn't deserve it. Why did you get to do your homework when Noriaki, who should have been able to do it, was now a rotting corpse inside of an ugly casket with a huge ass hole in his chest? Fuck no. You threw it all on the ground, enraged that you would even have the nerve to go about your life normally. You throwing your homework on the ground also caused your flower pot to smash into pieces, joining the mess. While you were at it, you thought, there was a polaroid of you and three of your friends from school that was taken during the last summer festival in your town. It was hung up on your closet door. You were smiling in the picture, holding up a peace sign with one hand and a small fan with the other. Just who the fuck did you think you were to believe you deserved any sort of fun? You threw your closet onto the ground as well, the wood cracking as it hit the floor, coating your clothes with wooden splinters.

 

At the same time, you couldn't stop crying. The tears wouldn't stop, no matter what you did. Not only that, your usually silent hiccups turned into full-blown sobs, and your sobs started turning into screams. Your chest hurt, and it became difficult to breathe. You couldn't take a deep breath anymore; and to be honest, you weren't even sure if you were able to take a regular breath. Whenever you tried, a heartbroken sob would interrupt your attempt. Your inability to breathe made your heart pump faster in your chest, and it hurt. Everything hurt: your throat, your chest, your head, your hands. You were trembling but sweating, as if you ran a marathon; simultaneously, you felt cold as if you sat naked in fucking snow. You didn't know that it was a panic attack back then, you found that out when you went to therapy a few months later. At that moment, however, you felt as though you were dying.

 

"You're alive." Jotaro muttered when he saw you crouched in the corner that was opposite to your bed.

 

"I wish I wasn't." You replied with a hoarse voice.

 

"I know." was his reply as he sat down next to you on the ground. Jotaro usually never sat down on the ground.

 

You sat in silence until nighttime that day. He never left your side. And while he didn't hug you or tell you that everything would be okay, you felt safe.

 

You guys started talking about Egypt after that incident. Jotaro basically dragged you out of your broken-down room and to his place. Holy didn't ask questions for once when she saw you, which Jotaro appreciated.

 

That night, you opened up about how you felt about everything. Looking back, you know that it must have been really fucking hard for Jotaro to listen. Even though he acted like it didn't affect him that much, nowadays, you know how Jotaro felt, and still feels, about Egypt.

 

Weirdly enough, the trauma made you two bond even more than the entire Egypt trip. Your therapist says that is because the two of you share a traumatic experience that not many people can relate to.

 

Oh, yeah, your therapist. Jotaro told Joseph about your panic attack, who, in turn, made you go to the best therapist he could find in Japan. Your first therapist retired about ten years ago; now you have another one. Joseph, funnily enough, still pays for it, even though you're more than capable of footing the bill yourself. That senile old man forgets every single thing on this planet but somehow never forgets to pay that bill every month.

 

Your therapist got the same story your parents did: a car accident with your research group. Three of your squad members died; you got critically injured; yada yada. They helped you, though. Ever since you started, you have learned to deal with your emotions better. You also haven't destroyed your room since going.

Back to the past and how you and Jotaro bonded, though. Not only did you smoke cigarettes together during your lunch breaks at school, you met up a lot in private. You hung out and read manga together in silence. Often times you also played video games, a habit you two picked up after Noriaki died. Noriaki loved video games.

 

You learned to appreciate Jotaro a lot. You often stayed over at his place and learned about some of the things he was passionate about. Contrary to popular belief at school, Jotaro was extremely intelligent and started taking his studies seriously after Egypt. Often times, he was even top of the class when it came to his exams. He was also super into marine life, something you noticed when you visited his room for the first time. When you asked him to tell you about it, he didn't shut up for about two hours. You've never heard so many words come out of Jotaro's mouth, like, ever.

 

And while you were oblivious to it at first, he slowly started to occupy your thoughts.

 

It came gradually, your crush on Jotaro. At first, it was just you missing him on days you weren't hanging out together. Then, your heartbeat picked up when you spoke to him or saw him. You started to feel giddy when you met up and you started dreaming of him.

 

It was super fucking embarrassing.

 

But it also felt super fucking good to love Jotaro. You weren't going to say shit, though. Ever.

 

Your dynamic never changed. You and Jotaro were practically glued at the hip at some point. It was obvious that you were going to follow Jotaro to the USA for college when he proposed that he wanted to study marine biology in Florida.

 

When you and him went, you got an apartment from Joseph as a gift. The two of you were supposed to be roommates all throughout college. And, honestly, you hoped to be roommates for the rest of your life.

 

It was fun being roommates. It really was. Freshly eighteen and graduated, the two of you entered your apartment and lived to the fullest. You cooked together, watched movies, played video games, and, of course, you were there for each other when it was needed.

 

Even though the two of you were in therapy, night terrors were still frequent enough at that time. It was always the same pattern. One of you would wake up from the nightmare, wake the other up to talk and then you would go into the living room and talk about it, or just cry.

 

One of these nights was also the first time Jotaro hugged you.

 

Jotaro was the one with a night terror that time. The two of you were sat on the couch in the living room as he talked to you about Noriaki appearing in his dreams. You listened, as you usually did, and that was all he needed. He knew you understood, and he knew you were there. This exact stability gave both of you comfort. He wrapped his arms around you tightly and just held you. He didn't say anything, and you didn't think he needed to.

 

Although, looking back, you definitely interpreted that hug wrong. While it made your heart flutter, to Jotaro, it was nothing more than showing appreciation.

 

Jotaro introduced you to his girlfriend about three years after the two of you moved to the US. She was a lovely girl, blonde, perfect figure, beautiful face and a disgustingly sweet personality. All in all; she was the perfect package, and she looked fucking perfect next to your perfect, perfect Jotaro. Shit.

 

You wish you could say you hated her guts, but you couldn't.

 

You couldn't hate her, because Jotaro loved her. He loved her more than words could describe, and you knew it. You knew from his eyes, from his body language and from the way he talked about her.

 

Oh, and if all of that wasn't enough, he got her pregnant about a year after they got together, and the two of them got married in the same year (her parents insisted—they were very religious). If you look at their wedding pictures, you could see the bump under her dress. If you look at the wedding pictures again, you'll see yourself standing next to Jotaro with a big smile on your face. You're a great actress, you've got to give yourself that credit.

 

You moved out of the apartment about a month before Jotaro's daughter was born. They needed the space, and you didn't want to trouble the newlyweds with moving, so you sucked it up and left the apartment you called home for three years. Joseph was generous, as you'd come to notice. He had a single-bedroom apartment that he gifted you, and he claimed that it wouldn't feel right to him if you had to rent, especially as a college student. You took it, obviously.

 

Jolyne was a beautiful little girl. Jotaro made you her godmother; no questions asked. After he got married and had a kid, you'd think the two of you would lose touch, but no. Jotaro made sure to call you at least once a day and insisted on weekly meetups. You don't know if that was because he got so used to you that he couldn't live without your presence or because he knew that solitude made you spiral mentally, but you appreciated his efforts nonetheless. It felt good to be around Jotaro, even if it hurt to see him live a life you've been fantasizing of having with him.

 

Most importantly, however, you were a rock in Jotaro's life that he couldn't live without, and that feeling was mutual. Your therapist would call it an unhealthy attachment, but neither of you cared. You needed each other close.

 

"You're stressed." Your eyes locked with Jotaro's just a moment prior. The blue hue in them was as bright as ever, but his expression, the small furrow of his brow, and the slight twitch of his left nostril gave him away.

 

"Fucking figured that out from just a look? Good grief." He sighed as he averted his gaze. Jotaro couldn't pull his hat down to hide his embarrassment, as he would usually do. Ever since he got together with his wife, she asked him to take it off when they were home.

 

"I've lived with you for years, Jotaro. I can even figure out when you're about to shit your pants because you had a fucking McDonald's milkshake. Spit it out; what's bothering you?"

 

"She has the birthmark. I.. Fuck, I can't even sleep anymore." Jotaro and you were sitting on his balcony while you were taking a smoke. He stopped that habit before Jolyne was born, but picked it back up a few months later. He rubbed his temple as he closed his eyes.

 

"You're scared that this pawn of DIO's, that he wrote about in his diary, is gonna hunt her down one day, huh?" You replied, your eyes still locked on his form.

 

"I am. Yeah. Fucking terrified, actually. I never would've thought I'd become a softie like this."

 

"That's the parental instinct, Jotaro. It's love. You understand your mom a little better now, huh?"

 

"I do. I was a fucking bitch to her back then."

 

"You still are a bitch, you know?" You joked, putting out your now-finished cigarette.

 

"Shut the fuck up." He shook his head, though his lips were curled in a very small smile. He did this more often, ever since Jolyne was born.

 

"You know damn well you don't want me to shut up."

 

"You're right. I don't."

 

It was a Saturday night in 1999 when Jotaro rang you out of your sleep to tell you to join him on a trip back to Japan. He had to pay his uncle a visit. Yeah, uncle. Apparently, Joseph cheated on Suzie Q with a college student back in the early eighties. The Kujo/Joestar family was sort of a mess for a while afterwards.

 

The person you felt the most sorry for was Josuke, the kid. He was pulled into all of this for no reason.

 

Jotaro asked you to join him because he "needed your assistance" to track some enemy stand users who used an arrow that turned other people into stand users. You knew that he didn't need your help, but he wanted to get you out of your house. You remember that you felt like shit at that time, because your long-term boyfriend broke up with you. His reasoning was that he didn't feel like he was the love of your life and he wasn't wrong about that. You loved him, you really did, but he wasn't Jotaro. The love of your life would forever be Jotaro, no matter how many people you tried to date as a desperate attempt to dull the ache that your heart was consumed by every day. And, of course, you accepted Jotaro's offer to go together. You always would.

 

Morioh was an experience, to say the least.

 

Not only were there more Stand users than you'd ever seen in your life, it was also a strangely wholesome journey.

Josuke was a great kid, and so were his friends. The bond between everyone really warmed your heart, and you were happy that you got to be part of it. Although you had to admit that you certainly weren't prepared to find and fight an actual serial killer, who was, of course, a Stand user as well. Looking back at it, though, the kids were very reliable, Josuke almost defeated that Kira guy all by himself after all.

 

Josuke, Okoyasu, and Koichi also caused some embarrassing tension between you and Jotaro at some point.

 

"Ya know, it's actually super cute." Josuke grinned at you.

 

"What is?" You paused and set down your coffee cup. It was your last few days in Morioh, and you were at a café the kids frequented. Jotaro and you sat next to each other while Koichi, Okoyasu, and Josuke sat across from you. Joseph was also there with Shizuka, the baby he and Josuke found.

 

"The two of you. Why didn't y'all tell us you were married?" Okoyasu commented with a pout.

 

Jotaro and you exchanged looks with a raised brow. Then it clicked: Jotaro was wearing his ring.

 

"It's because we're not married." Jotaro deadpanned.

 

"Oh." All three of them got quiet. "We just.. We thought you were because of, uhm.. the ring. Sorry." Josuke averted his gaze.

 

"Don't worry, Josuke. I mean, the big, mean guy doesn't really talk much about his family. Do you guys even know he has a kid?"

 

You successfully changed the subject by bringing up Jolyne back then. The guys drilled Jotaro to tell them everything, and although he was never a big talker, he did talk about Jolyne. He adored her; everyone knew so. Jotaro's eyes lit up just a tiny bit whenever he could tell people about her. The subject change allowed you to stay for a few minutes before you made up an excuse to leave the guys. When you left the café, you immediately went to the cemetery. Coincidentally, Morioh was Noriaki's hometown and also his resting place.

 

You had never mustered up the courage to visit Noriaki's grave before. It felt weird, looking at the stone with his name, but regardless, you sat down in front of the grave and spoke to him. To anyone else, you probably looked like a maniac. You couldn't tell anyone else about your feelings for Jotaro and you figured Noriaki would enjoy an update on your life after twelve years, even if it was sort of depressing as fuck.

 

It felt liberating, telling Noriaki everything. Even if he wasn't physically in front of you, you felt as though he was right there, listening to every single word you had to say, and by the end of your monologue, you were crying.

 

What you didn't expect was Joseph standing next to you after you had been crying like a bitch at Noriaki's grave for a while. You jolted when he said your name.

 

"You know, the only reason you two didn't end up together was Jolyne, right? He loves you, but he's terrified of losing you." His older, raspy voice spoke softly.

 

"How would you even know that?" You questioned the old man, but you didn't make eye contact with him. Your eyes were glued to Noriaki's gravestone.

 

"Because I know what it looks like when you're someone's whole world. You're his world, and he can't lose that. Being your friend is easier than taking the risk of the two of you ever breaking up in the future."

 

Joseph's words made you cry again. They hurt even more than if Jotaro ever rejected you personally, because they meant that it was hopeless. No matter what, you could never, ever be with him.

 

Jotaro got divorced from his wife in 2002, three years after Morioh. By that time, you were a successful lawyer in a big firm, while Jotaro was a big researcher in marine biology; he even got a doctorate. You and him hadn't seen each other in a month at that point. Both of you were busy; Jotaro was often on trips for either the Speedwagon foundation, because of possible clues regarding that one friend of DIO's, or he was doing actual research regarding his job. You were busy because you thought that drowning yourself in work would help you move on from him. Spoiler alert; it didn't.

 

The way you found out about the divorce was when Jotaro showed up at your doorstep one day with a big suitcase in his hand.

 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" You'd gotten home half an hour prior, so you were still dressed in your work attire.

 

"We filed for divorce. Can I move in for a while?" He asked, though; he had already made his way into your house. He knew you wouldn't say no.

 

And you didn't. You guys lived together for about five years after he moved in. He even paid half of the bills, and you almost felt like you did when you guys were still living together in college.

 

Living together with Jotaro was easy; it was warm, and it also fucking sucked. You couldn't avoid your feelings when the two of you were together all the time. Everything felt too fucking domestic, and it made you want to cry.

 

Jotaro was the perfect roommate; he made you guys breakfast whenever he wasn't on a trip. He cleaned up the house when you were working late; he went grocery shopping. Fuck, he even knew when you would be on your period and made sure you were stacked up on pads and painkillers. Since you only had one big bathroom in your rather small house, he kept the door open while he shaved his stubble, so you could brush your teeth and do your makeup for the day. You guys were basically acting like a married couple, except for the legal status and the romantic aspect.

 

You noticed that Jotaro wasn't truly happy, though, and you knew why. After getting divorced, Jotaro essentially abandoned Jolyne. The reason why Jotaro and his wife got divorced was because his ex was tired of him rarely being home. She lost feelings for him along the way and gave him the divorce papers about two days before he showed up at your doorstep. The divorce didn't hit Jotaro as hard, he told you. What did hit him was that he didn't see Jolyne much. They maybe saw one another once every two or three months. You felt sorry for her; the divorce hurt that beautiful girl and your heart broke for her. You visited Jolyne and her mother a lot, even after the divorce, because you wanted her to still have a small constant in her life. You supported her whenever you could. However, Jotaro asked you to not bring her to the house. He started distancing himself from her, because he was growing anxious the older she got. DIO's friend and the diary never left Jotaro's mind and he simply didn't want Jolyne to be in danger. You understood, so, slowly, you started distancing yourself too.

 

It was 2007 when Jotaro asked you to move back to Japan with him. Jolyne, who was 14 at the time, got arrested for car theft. Jotaro pulled the harshest dick move he could and told his ex-wife that he wasn't going to help her bail Jolyne out and that he got a job offer as a professor at Tokyo University, which he accepted. His ex didn't even have time to cuss him out before he hung up the phone. Jotaro had ultimately abandoned his daughter, and even if he tried to play tough, he was devastated because he didn't want to leave her behind.

 

Why did you know that? Well, Jotaro still had night terrors. So, of course, your old tradition of going to the living room to talk it out had been picked up again. Jotaro hated himself for abandoning Jolyne, but he kept saying that he'd rather cut all ties with her to keep her safe than watch her die in front of him. You agreed with him. You wouldn't be able to live with yourself either, if you were in his shoes.

 

Of course you agreed to follow him back to Japan; you'd follow him anywhere he went anyway; he didn't even need to ask. Home is where he is. Even if it meant quitting your job at the law firm.

 

You were more at ease in Japan anyway. It's home. Plus, you got to visit Josuke and the others in Morioh more often, and, of course, Noriaki's grave. The kids grew up a lot in the years you haven't seen them. Josuke got his doctorate to become a surgeon, Koichi worked as a criminal psychologist, and Okoyasu got a job as a police officer. Oh, and Koichi and Yukako got engaged. Yeah, they certainly weren't kids anymore.

 

When you moved back, Jotaro and you decided to move in together again. It proved useful with the bills, and you got used to one another's presence anyway. You definitely weren't complaining about spending more time with him. After he accepted the position as a professor, he had more time on his hands compared to when he worked in research. He was still trying to hunt down DIO's little buddy, though. Still, it wasn't as bad as before, and he was home a lot more.

 

You got a new job in the American Consulate of Japan about six months after moving back with Jotaro. It was pretty boring, but the bills got paid. During work, you always looked forward to the evenings when you got home, because usually Jotaro would have a meal prepared for the two of you. You started eating dinner together every night after some time. It was always one of you waiting for the other one to get home, then you would heat up the food and eat together, either in front of the TV, binging a show you liked, or you sat at the dinner table, where you would talk about anything and everything. It was nice seeing Jotaro let lose even if it was just a tiny bit.

 

It was about four months after moving to Japan when you and Jotaro began implementing a "besties day". It honestly was just a synonym for a date night, if you think back to it. The two of you would either go for a walk, go on a small road trip, or have dinner at a nice restaurant, and, at some point down the line, the energy between the two of you shifted. He started to put his arm around your shoulder while you'd watch a movie, and you'd play with his hand sometimes. You fell asleep on the couch  so often that you guys just decided to sleep in the same bed and set up a TV in Jotaro's bedroom, your own bedroom basically turned into a room where you kept your clothes, nothing more.

 

It was on one of those evenings when you almost confessed your love to Jotaro.

 

You remember that the two of you were watching Zoolander on Jotaro's bed. He had his arm around your shoulder, and you were cuddled up to his side, his arm a heavy but welcome weight on your body. Jotaro was caressing your back as he stared at the TV, and his face got illuminated beautifully by the light of the TV. While Jotaro focused on the hilarious movie that played, your eyes were solely set on him. You took in how he had a few bags under his eyes, signaling that he was tired, and he wore his hair shorter compared to when you were teens, but the haircut complimented his face perfectly. From the side, his jawline and nose stood out to you. Jotaro had a light crook to his nose, but it looked good on him. Additionally, Jotaro was still a giant, muscular and tall (curse his amazing genetics and his gym habit.), just like when you were younger. Your heartbeat picked up in the moment, and you couldn't help but smile. Jotaro was so, so beautiful and you couldn't contain how happy all of this made you.

 

"You're so beautiful, Jotaro." You mumbled as you looked up to lock eyes with him.

 

"Where did that come from all of a sudden?" Jotaro stiffened for a moment, his eyes widening just slightly, before looking back at you.

 

"I dunno. I.. just felt the sudden need to let you know. I think you're so beautiful, Jotaro, I really do. Call me a sap or whatever, but I have never met a man as beautiful as you. Inside and out." You kept your eyes locked with his. Your words came from your heart and this would be the closest you could get to confessing your love to him without directly telling him.

 

Jotaro blushed just a hint, but you couldn't see it in the darkness. The movie might have lit up the room a tad, but it was not enough to make out the small pink hue on his cheek. He averted his eyes and pulled you closer to him while clearing his throat. There was a few minutes of silence before he spoke up.

 

"I think you're beautiful too."

 

You've never felt happier, but of course, it wasn't going to last.

 

It was January 21st of 2009 and you were just on your way out of a store. It would be Jotaro's birthday soon and you were out to shop for a present for him. You decided that a new watch would be appropriate, since he has been saying that he needed to get a watch soon. The watch you got was rather simple, a thick, silver wristband and the clock had blue details that accentuated the silver. Figuring silver would go perfectly with his skin tone, as it is more on the cool side, and the blue details would fit his eyes, you happily bought it for him and gripped the bag tightly when you left the store.

 

Since you were out late to avoid the massive rush-hour crowd, it was 10PM sharp when you reached the train station. You were alone and listening to music, when you noticed a figure close to where you were standing. It was a tall man you had never seen before, but you didn't really feel threatened by him. The man had long, white hair and sat on a bench, his eyes were entirely white, too and he held onto a cane. Thus, you figured he might be blind. You took out your phone, an iPhone 3G, a newly released phone that still shocked you. A touch screen was just super futuristic to you, considering you remember the old landline times. Geez, now you felt old. You sent out a text to Jotaro, telling him you're at the station and that you'd be home soon.

 

You waited for the train for roughly five minutes before you heard a loud bang, followed by a few more. A sharp pain spread throughout your body; first in your throat, then in your abdomen and in your legs, then you felt it in your shoulder. You heard the clunk of small metal pieces falling onto the floor.

 

You sink to the floor. You're falling into liquid, a lot of it pooling around you more and more by the second. You can't breathe, only gargling out because there is blood pooling in your mouth as well. It's cold, everything is cold. Your heart is pumping loudly in your chest and your head is getting foggier by the second. Did you really just get shot? But how? There was nothing there! You turn your head weakly, spitting blood out onto the pavement as you desperately try to inhale just a tiny bit of air. This can't happen. You can't die like this!

 

But you are.

 

You grab onto the bag you held in your hand tightly. The bag that carries Jotaro's birthday gift. Fuck, Jotaro? He's home, he's waiting for you. You have to call him, you have to get home to him! You can't leave him here, you can't go! You have to be there for him! Who will be there for him when you are gone? You have so much to say to him, you haven't even told him that you love him!

 

You look around. Your sight is getting increasingly foggy and your heart and lungs are burning. Everything is wet and hurts. Everything is hard. You're dying, you know you're dying. You're actively bleeding out in a random train station and you cannot do anything about it. You start to panic; your heart is picking up it's pace, and you choke on your own blood again.

 

All of a sudden, you hear Avdol's voice in the distance. Avdol? Why is Avdol speaking to you?

 

"Death is inevitable. Each one of us is going to die one day. I'm not scared of dying, no. If I live my life to the fullest, I will never have regrets, and if I have no regrets, I can die without worries. It's the only way to fight the fear of death- and let me give you this piece of advice; it's how you live a happier life."

 

You freeze. You have to call Jotaro, you have to call him right fucking now. Where the fuck is your god damn phone?! You spot it a few feet away from you, on the floor and try crawling your way towards it. As you do so, the blood keeps flooding out of your body, leaving a red, ugly trail on the white tiles of the station. Every move is excruciatingly painful, but you have to bite through it. Your only focus right now is calling Jotaro. You cannot leave this world before telling him.

 

You try crawling, but you can't go any further. Your limbs shake and you can't hold yourself upright anymore. Wait, that's it! Head in the Clouds! You haven't used it in years, but now, now you need it more than ever before. You called Head in the Clouds out to make it grab your phone; which it does, albeit slowly. Its grey, ghostly form mirrored your state. It was weak, but it still reached out to the small, square mobile device as you struggled to keep your eyes open.

 

It's just a few seconds, just a few more seconds, please! You keep repeating the word "please" in your head; you have to stay awake for just a few more seconds. You won't die here, you refuse to die here! There's so much more you want to do! You want to kiss Jotaro, you want to wake up next to him one more time! You want to hug him tight and go on another walk! You want to see his beautiful eyes reflected in the mirror as he shaves his face while you're brushing your teeth next to him! You can't go!

 

Avdol's words play in a loop in your head as you shakily try to unlock your tiny phone. Your bloody fingers smear the screen and your head keeps lulling to the side as you force yourself through these painful moments.

 

Avdol said you shouldn't have any regrets if you want to fight the fear of death. You have regrets, you're terrified of leaving this world.

 

You make it. You successfully dial Jotaro's number. You hear his voice on the other line.

 

"Hey, why are you calling? You just texted me. Everything okay?"

 

His voice. His beautiful, beautiful deep voice. God, you love his voice so much. It's such a warm sound for your soul. Never stop talking, Jotaro.

 

You spit out more blood as you try taking any sort of breath. Your voice is barely there as you choke out his name.

 

"J-Jo... Jota...ro.."

 

Jotaro calls out your name, his voice sounds serious now. Worried, even. You can't answer him. He calls out your name louder.

 

"This isn't fucking funny! What's wrong?! Are you okay?!"

 

Wow, he sounds like he's panicking. Or does he? You're not sure anymore. His voice is far away. You want him to keep saying your name, but not like this. You don't want him to worry, you want him to be happy. Will he be happy? Can he move on when you're gone? He has to. You know he won't have a choice.

 

Maybe it's better to die regretful than hurting him even more. He'll feel guilty, if you tell him you love him. He shouldn't feel guilty, you don't want him to. It's okay, you think. He doesn't need to know.

 

You muster up a big breath, your body feels light. It doesn't hurt anymore. You're still cold and it's wet, but it's okay. Your heartbeat slows down.

 

"J-Jojo.. I'm.. okay.. " He hates the name. You know he does. But it's easier on your voice right now.

 

"Where are you?! Are you still at the station?! Were you attacked?!"

 

He sounds scared. Please don't be scared, Jotaro. Please don't be scared for me, you think.

 

"'m.. okay. Don't-" you cough up a little more blood. "It's not your fault, Jojo.. It never was."

 

You won't tell him. He's scared. He will be hurting even more. You can't do that to him.

 

"What the fuck do you mean "not my fault"? Tell me where you are, please! Are you hurt?!" Jotaro's voice is cracking. He's yelling into the phone.

 

You can't feel your arm anymore and your eyes lose focus. Your phone drops to the floor, next to you, right into the crimson pool around you. Your head is pounding and you feel so, so tired. You can close your eyes for just a second, right?

 

You see Iggy in front of you when you open your eyes again. He's wagging his tiny tail as he bites your hand softly to wake you up. When you look around, you see Avdol, shaking his head slightly as he crosses his arms, but then he gives a small smile. Noriaki is crouching next to you and smiling sadly.

 

"I wish we didn't see you again this soon. But destiny has its own plans, huh?" Noriaki spoke. His voice was soft, so soft. He still sounds this same. You feel warmer, somehow and there's no wetness clinging onto your clothes anymore. Noriaki takes your hand as he helps you get up.

 

"Come on, we have to go."

"Go where?"

"To the other side"

You hesitate. But then Avdol takes your other hand and Iggy walks ahead of you guys with a joyful bark. Everything feels warm here, it's so nice.

"Okay."

So, you go. You disappear with the three of them and you feel happy. You don't mind having to wait in order to see Jotaro again one day.

 

It's January 31st of 2009 at 8PM when Jotaro stands in front of your gravestone. He brought you a bouquet of white roses, which he lays down gently at your resting place. He is wearing the watch you bought on the day you died. If you were still here, you'd probably be overjoyed to see him wearing it.

 

Joseph is next to him, the two men staring down at the cold stone.

 

"I loved her. I loved her more than anyone I have ever loved in my life." Jotaro speaks up after half an hour of just standing in front of your grave.

 

"I know." Joseph just replies, one hand on his cane and his other hand placed softly on Jotaro's shoulder. If you looked at the pair closely, you'd see Jotaro's shoulders shaking just a tiny bit.

 

Jotaro was the love of your life. But sometimes, destiny has other plans for people who truly love each other.

 

So, yeah, love really fucking sucks for Jotaro and you.