#he has a lot of really weird rules about things that interconnect to leave me in basically perpetual dependence of him

[gynoidgearhead]

It feels deeply weird to be doing this, but I am steadily losing it in my current living situation.

I have no job, no degree, no savings, no transportation, and severely compromised privacy. I am located in a suburb of Phoenix where high temperatures and urban sprawl make it very difficult to get anywhere without a car. Exactly zero of these things have gotten better in the last five years; several have gotten worse.

Without outside intervention, I am now further away from independence than ever.

The situation with my parents is... complicated. While my parents are supportive of me being transgender, and have up to now paid my basic living expenses with few conditions, my father has expressed vehemently over the past year that he wants me out of here as soon as possible. My father is abrasive to both me and my mother, and placating him is getting increasingly difficult. Though he hasn't done it recently, he has also thrown things at me in the past, and I have been sleeping with my door locked for most of the time I have been moved back in with my parents.

I am autistic and have some pretty serious mental health problems, including lifelong OCD and general anxiety. I have been having panic attacks semi-regularly for the past two and a half years. My dad is pretty impatient with me for being autistic, and my mom continuously tries to flatten the dynamic between the two of us as having both of us be equally at fault, often even in the next breath after admitting she can't deal with my dad either.

I'm trying. I am doing literally everything I can to balance keeping my parents satisfied against me not wanting to die. I wouldn't be asking for help if I thought I could handle my current situation.

To anyone who donates, thank you all in advance; and please don't donate if it's going to compromise your own safety.

It's go time.

My fiancee, aka, my queer anarchist wife with whom I do not have legal unity yet, is currently living in an abusive situation that I haven't been able to extricate her from for internet lesbian reasons.

Please reblog this, and if you can spare even a few dollars every little bit will help us to get her away from that, into some newer, safer accomodations, where we can stay together until everyone in our little queer caravan is all ready to pack up our things and move north together.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 328: Pandora’s Box of Discourse

Previously on BnHA: DEKU TOOK A BATH.

Today on BnHA: 

Also Naomasa grew a beard. Goddamn. 

please let this be a cool chapter that plays nice with my ADHD lol

(ETA: lol I feel guilty because a lot of people hated this chapter, but I’m just happy there was a lot of stuff to make fun of, and also that I have another week to work on my backlog of meta posts since the kids were MIA.)

around one month ago?? ah, okay, so we’re gonna find out what was in that Tartarus security file huh

I love that they just randomly set the place on fire

was it necessary to do this in order to escape? no. was it a good idea to set the island they were occupying on fire while they were in the midst of still occupying it? uh. was it cinematic as fuck? fuck yeah

wow it’s a pervert!!

that’s so great that the villains set loose this fine fellow who I’m sure is definitely not a serial rapist. truly the LoV is so noble and misunderstood. they’re just trying to free society from its chains people

oh my god??!

SHANKED!!! oh my god I cheered for Stain before I realized what I was doing. time to have an identity crisis I guess

so he’s all “hey what’s going on.” which, while a respectable question, is something I personally would have waited to ask until I had put a bit of distance between myself and the fiery murder island. but that’s just my personal preference

Stain you really are tenacious I’ll give you that

“what’s the point of escaping prison if you’re not gonna be smart about it” well shit. anyways yeah you’re dead right, society is in the process of collapsing and the outside world is in total chaos, good call there

oh shit

I mean it’s not like we really expecting anything otherwise, but still. fucking brutal. I feel like these guys’ fates were decided the minute that one guy called AFO “scum” back in chapter 94. AFO is unmatched at getting long-term revenge

??

ahh, was it the security footage??

fdsdfk he’s still alive??

and he’s immediately launching into an inappropriately theatrical monologue even as the darkness closes in on him fdlfksjdlk. you know, was it ever confirmed that the other guy back in chapter 297 was Seiji’s dad? I’m just saying

very impressed that he’s still coherent enough to weigh the pros and cons before making the decision to gamble on giving this info to Stain, who at the very least has his own moral code and isn’t allied with AFO. it was definitely still a risk, but as we now know it was also the right call

what a weird alliance. so Stain tells him that he’ll give it to a just person, and the guy is all,

okay for real though I’m gonna need someone to run a DNA test on this guy. maybe it was some kind of cuckold situation?? the other guy had the family resemblance, but this guy absolutely 100% raised Shishikura Seiji and you are not going to convince me otherwise

anyway, so Stain is all,

PRISON GUARD: “???? ??????? what the hell. what the fuck does that fucking mean. I’m dying here, jesus christ, whatever man fuck you”

(ETA: I kind of feel like this might have been Stain’s last appearance in the manga, given all the fanfare. there’s not really much else he can do for the story at this point, and he seems to have gotten all the character development Horikoshi was planning on giving him. so if this really is it, hasta la vista and good riddance I guess.)

DWLFDKSLDK MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE

(ETA: I feel like this is meant to be evocative of that Sermon on the Mount painting, but in a really fucked up way lol.)

if it were me stumbling upon this scene I would just shake my head and walk right back into the flaming building. not getting involved in that mess. sorry not sorry. I’ll take my chances with the fire, especially given that it’s half-assed neutered BnHA fire lol

blah blah blah and so he decided to pass the info on to All Might -- HOT DAMN, HOLY SHIT

NAOMASA HOLY SHIT. THE APOCALYPSE LOOKS GOOD ON YOU, BOY

“I really like that facial scruff thing Aizawa’s got going on, I think I’m gonna get in on that” yes sir. “also thinking of ditching the tie in favor of the bulletproof vest look. also thinking of getting totally fucking jacked.” good lord. except I’m pretty sure that’s just body armor, but also I don’t care. anyway I should probably stop staring and actually read the fucking speech bubbles here lol

“All Might first handed this information over to Nao, and then went to see Deku, and then came back to Nao” thanks for that tidy little summary Horikoshi. we are capable of piecing events together in sequential order, I just want you to know that. but thank you

“so has Deku finally gotten a bath? also, sucks that Stain saved the day, but what are you gonna do” Nao I missed you so fucking much and didn’t even realize. how am I just now realizing that you are the perfect man

for a second I was gonna ask why Tartarus’s security systems would be cut off from the outside world, and then I remembered that’s a basic security control, and then I actually got impressed by how sensible that is. like, it’s been a while since I could genuinely say that the good guys (excluding class 1-A) did something smart. not that it helped them much in the end, but still

anyway so they’re talking about how AFO was able to coordinate the attack by communicating between his horcrux self on the outside and his ugly peanut-faced self on the inside

huh

okay you have my attention. I am taking notes here lol please continue

ah okay so he says that prior to Jakku, the transfer of information between him and his Vestige self was only one-way. but post-Jakku when Deku was in the hospital, he was able to tell what was happening inside the OFA Radical Lisa Frank Dead People Book Club Realm when he touched him. I feel like we established that before, actually. but he didn’t talk about how it actually felt, though

boy we already know this lol. yes AFO can talk with his horcrux self. and he can also communicate with his little bro in OFA too, let’s talk about that sometime why don’t we. what exactly does that imply, based on the rules we’ve established here

my god I cannot get over Naomasa and his fucking facial hair

no wonder All Might was in such a hurry to leave Deku and get back here

like I have no idea what this radio waves nonsense is but my god, people

that jawline. also so it’s a quirk, I see. except last I checked Deku didn’t have a radio waves quirk, so that doesn’t really explain his connection to AFO. but whatever, hopefully we’re at least getting closer to some kind of reveal here

(ETA: since I sometimes forget that other people’s lives don’t revolve around my theory posts, here are the two relevant links if you by chance want to know my thoughts about this.

Hagakure is still The U.A. Traitor™ regardless of whether Deku is passing information on to AFO through his psychic link, which he almost certainly is.

speaking of said psychic link, Deku is a horcrux.

just posting these now, because whenever trippy OFA stuff happens I tend to get an influx of theory asks. so hopefully this will be a bit of a time saver lol.)

-- wait, what

THAT’S what the recording was??!? holy SHIT. I genuinely was not expecting that. y’all wiretapped his fucking telepathy. fucking quirks, man. wild

AND THEY USED THAT POWER TO DETERMINE WHAT WE ALREADY KNEW, HUZZAH. GOOD SHOW

-- oh shit wait lol, except I forgot we’re not talking about 38 days from the present, we’re talking about 38 days from the date the conversation was recorded. heh. um

yeah that’s the face I would make too if All Fucking Might just casually told me we had eight days left until the end times

oh, pardon me. three fucking days

r.i.p. anyone who thought we were going to have another band arc sob. I sure hope Deku is enjoying that nap

(ETA: I realize people were hoping for a longer rest period here, but given that the man warned us all the way back in chapter 306 that we were entering the final act, you can’t really blame him too much when that turns out to be true. anyway but I do recognize that we’ve reached the point in the story where this kind of discourse is going to become a weekly occurrence, simply because there’s no possible way for Horikoshi’s actual endgame to line up perfectly with the variable headcanons of millions of fans, all of whom have wildly differing and in many cases contradictory expectations which can’t possibly all be fulfilled. anyway, so I’m already bracing myself for that lol. this coming year is going to be a wild ride.)

damn, U.A. out here looking like the motherfucking United Nations

-- is this U.A.?? I actually just realized, U.A. is four interconnected buildings, not two. wait holy shit is this Shiketsu?

wait holy SHIT

based on the overwhelmingly powerful vibes of bureaucratic incompetence, I’m thinking this really is the (future) U.N., or whatever organization it is that deals with international hero stuff

“just let them handle it themselves I’m sure they’ll be fine” yeah okay, thanks guys. appreciate it

wait oh shit did he say that it’s not just Japan?

soooo, what you’re telling me is that AFO is this close to bringing about the end of not just Japan, but the entire world, and you guys don’t think it’s a good idea to help the Japanese heroes stop him? so, genuine follow-up question: are you guys already planning your rich people exodus into space a la Wall-E, and that’s why you don’t give a fuck?? like, what??

omg international heroes

these guys are from World Hoodie Mission, right? is this Horikoshi’s way of reminding me to buy tickets

(ETA: and it worked too lol.)

WHO??? WHAT???

don’t tell me you’re introducing yet another badass new female character for me to fall in love with only to watch as you dismember them and/or blow them up, Horikoshi. I’m getting tired of playing this game my dude. don’t lie and tell me this time will be different. we’re not doing this again goddammit

noooooooooooooooooooo

god fucking dammit lmao. [sighs and rips the previous paragraph into shreds]

on behalf of Americans I apologize for our superheroes always being Like This

I also apologize because I love her already and I’m gonna be shameless about it. so fucking shameless you guys

is her fucking hair red white and blue. it is, isn’t it

this is the volume cliffhanger, 100% lol. it will take every ounce of Horikoshi’s willpower not to put her on the volume cover. he’ll have to settle for the spine or the inner cover this time because Deku VS his class 1-a superpals takes precedence. but it will be a close thing let me tell you

tbh it’s that smile that does it for me. she’s definitely All Might’s protege. get out there and show them how it’s done girl. and maybe call Salaam and BRD and see if you can’t convince them to play hooky from their governments as well. why not. world’s ending in three days you guys. “sorry, I’m busy this weekend” ain’t gonna cut it lol

so while I am not fully caught up with Vigilantes, I have read far enough to know that there’s an American hero named Captain Celebrity whose superpower from what I recall is being a humongous douchebag. and while I haven’t read far enough to know what happens to this guy, I can’t say I’m very disappointed to learn that he’s no longer the number one hero in the U.S. (actually, didn’t they kick him out and that’s why he moved to Japan to begin with?). anyway, so my thanks to Horikoshi for having a marginally higher opinion of Americans than Furuhashi, even though we have definitely not done anything to warrant said opinion lately, and you may have inadvertently opened the door to a pandora’s box of discourse lmao

(ETA: lol I went into the tags and they don’t disappoint. “why is she dressed like a flag” because she’s an homage to Captain America and Major Victory and literally every other character on this list. again, I apologize for fictional American superheroes being Like This. “oh boy another thicc waifu to make the fanboys happy” look, tumblr fandom never seems to have a problem thirsting over Dabi or Tomura or Aizawa or Nao, lol, I’m just saying. “where is Captain Celebrity” idk, probably murdered by the exploding bee cartel, let’s just be grateful for our good fortune and try not to Beetlejuice the man.)

anyway, so let’s see if Horikoshi’s recent character development with regards to making Mineta not terrible anymore will apply to other aspects of his writing as well. I know I was making light of discourse just now, but I do think the complaints about him introducing yet another new character at the 11th hour to be cannon fodder in the final battle are absolutely valid. and again, it wouldn’t be a problem if he didn’t keep maiming/killing off his female characters one by one instead of developing them and letting them kick ass long-term. but that said, I will never complain about Horikoshi adding another female character to the series, regardless of how clumsy the attempt may be. go ahead and pander away, just give us more girl power lol

anyway so we’ll see how it goes, but I think I’m gonna be optimistic and let myself hope once again, even though I’m probably gonna regret it lol. it is what it is. she is standing on an airplane just chilling for fuck’s sake. I’m only human. anyway fingers crossed

[noa-nightingale]

Watcher and Autism

It is April! It is Autism Acceptance Month!

It is Autism Acceptance Month (formerly Autism Awareness Month but we are shifting away from that), and I finally found the time to write about something I wanted to write about for a long time: My experiences with Watcher, as an autistic person.

I already write a lot about being in Watcher’s audience as someone who is queer and I will keep writing about it, but this needs some attention too.

I had plans to write something about Watcher and Autism for Steven Lim Appreciation Week but I decided that it would make more sense to include Ryan and Shane in this too instead of just Steven.

Here is some background: I got my autism diagnosis as an adult (early 20s), and it was a huge relief for me. I finally had an explanation for why I was so “wrong” all the time, and that maybe I was not inherently wrong or broken. I can’t go into detail about my autism here, that would be a post of its own (or many posts) but, unsurprisingly, my autism informs the way I interact with the world; and it informs how I interact with Watcher too.

I believe it is even a big part of why I love this content so much - and Watcher is 100% a Special Interest of mine.

First of all, what are the defining traits of autism? Officially, it is defined as a neurodevelopmental disorder (I have Opinions about that but that, too, is another post), and its “symptoms” are difficulties with social interaction and communication, and repetitive behavior. There are many more traits associated with autism though, and I am just a little bit disgruntled that it is so often only defined by the things that are “wrong” with a person. Personally, I like being autistic and I (mostly) like my autistic traits.

Now, let me talk about the Watcher fandom for a second: It is a huge advantage for me to be able to communicate with y’all online. It is more accessible, not only because I would have problems to find so many Watcher fans near me (I mean, we are from all over the world, how effing great is that!) but also because my difficulties with social interaction and communication don’t feel as heavy when I can communicate in written form. I don’t know how weird I actually seem here but if you’d meet me in person, it would become pretty obvious pretty fast that there is something strange about me. (I also sometimes just go semi- or non-verbal, and that does not happen in written communication.)

I never had a stable friend group offline, I never really felt like part of a group offline, and I have difficulties making friends. So, let me just admit it now: I don’t have offline friends. Like, I do have friends that are not in the Watcher fandom but those are not offline friendships either. I don’t see my online communication as a consolation gift or some weak copy of the “real deal”. On the contrary.

Now! Watcher! First thing that comes to mind - Watcher’s special kind of compassionate weirdness just works for me. It seems very non-judgmental, and as someone who gets judged from all sides (sometimes outright, sometimes more subtle - we live in a society etc etc lmao), that’s just very refreshing and soothing. It makes me feel like I can be weird too. (I mean, there is something to be said about allistic people being praised for being weird while autistic people get shamed for it, but allistics being weird is not the problem with that - everyone has the right to be weird. Btw allistic = non-autistic.)

I also have to talk about Steven Lim here. Because I effing LOVE his awkwardness. I am the King of Awkward, and to see someone who is so awkwad and so loved is just so so SO good. And personally, I love him because he is awkward, not despite of it. He is also so... earnest. So passionate and sincere. I have those traits too, and I often feel like I am Too Much and Too Intense, or like people think I don’t have a sense of humor. (Don’t know how it is online but I don’t think people think I have a significant sense of humor when they meet me offline. I feel a lot more like myself when I can talk online. All the clumsy social stumbling falls away to a degree.)

I remember some moments from Here’s What You Do (and maybe also Watcher Weekly) where Steven did not know a certain phrase or expression, and Shane and Ryan explained it to him - without judgment, without shaming him, even if some people probably would think that you “should” know it. Again, this is very relatable to me, and I wish people would not act like there is something strange about it when I don’t know things that “should be obvious”.

We, of course, also have to talk about Mr Bergara’s ability to just say what he thinks. I am not the first person to say that he sometimes does not seem to have a filter, and holy damn, it is beautiful to watch. It is comforting to me, especially because I overthink EVERY interaction I have with other people.

Also! Fashion! Shane said (several times, I believe) that his goal is to look as weird as possible in his 30s, and it gave me the confidence to get some new clothes too. Just a year ago, I NEVER would have dared to wear them. My approach to life always was, don’t stand out, don’t attract attention, you will get punished in some form. I tried to make myself small and unthreatening, occupying as little space as I could. Watcher and their lovely, lovely wackiness gave me the confidence to stand out, and folks, I love it. (Today’s outfit was this: Pride Converse, jeans, Ryan Bergara self portrait shirt, pink demin jacket with a bunch of pins and buttons, Shane Madej Headband. It felt really good, and I have some other outrageous clothes now.)

(I also WISH I could have a mustache but that’s a whole other story lmao.)

I also have to mention Watcher’s integrity. A while ago, I read a study about autistic people and that one reason we sometimes seem like we stick to the rules so much is that we just have a strong sense of what’s right. Sorry for the awkward wording, and I don’t mean to say that allistics can’t have integrity (obviously) - but my own integrity feels very attached to my autism, I can’t untangle that. It is the most important thing in my life - is this kind? Is this right? Am I doing right by people? And I feel like that is reflected in Watcher’s values.

I could say a lot more but I will leave it at that for now. I am just beyond grateful that Watcher exists and that I get to have this Special Interest. This is so important to me, and it is really really fulfilling. I don’t know if I really could convey properly how an autistic brain works buuut I hope you got at least a little tiny glimpse. (Also, obligatory “I am just one person, I don’t speak for other autistic people” disclaimer.)

My queerness, my autism and all my other traits are all interconnected, and Watcher just seems to be a near perfect fit.

Happy (rest of) Autism Acceptance Month, friends! And thanks for giving my awkward, weird, Too Much self a cozy little home here.

[hellyeahtrickster]

It occurs to me that I have friends here that I don't have contact with in other spheres, so ... life update: my mother passed away unexpectedly last Friday. I'm doing as well as one would expect. Been going through her things as both a walk down memory lane and a goodbye. I keep coming across things she never got around to using, and it hits hard that now, she'll never have the chance. And I can't stop thinking of the stories we watched together that now she won't know the ending to, or shows I wanted to try with her. And then there's all the things we used to do together on the regular -- all the places I can never go with her to again. And all the places we wanted to go to "someday", but now she never will.

We were two weeks out from our second COVID shots, and 4 weeks from being totally vaccinated. We were finally going to get back to EPCOT, to see the Flower and Garden show. Finally going to get back to the Florida Mall. Going out to lunch. That I won't be doing this things with her anymore ... it's unfathomable. I can't wrap my head around it.

Thanks, anti-mask / anti-vaccine Covidiots, for prolonging the presence of this pandemic -- basically stealing the last year of my mother's life. She was anxious to see her elderly mother again, because we don't know how long *she* has left ... and now she never go to see her mother again. I knew losing my mom would happen someday, but my mother was relatively young yet, so I thought it would be a while ....

It doesn't help that she died after the second night on a new bed. See, she slept on her side all the time, what with the couch being narrow, but with a twin mattress, the bed was much wider. She snored a lot -- I highly suspect she had sleep apnea. When I found her the next morning, she was on her BACK. The doctor agreed that her cardiac arrest could have been caused by sleep apnea. In trying to make my mom more comfortable .... Yeah, I know, it's not my fault, but I cannot shake that thought away, that she's not here anymore because we tried to do something nice for her. How cruel the humour of the universe can be.

(I'd put the rest of this behind a cut, but I don't see that option anymore? Sorry!!)

And it REALLY doesn't help that, not only have I lost the person I was closest to, but now I am stuck alone with the person I least want to be with: my dad. I'm pretty liberal, and he's pretty conservative. We fight a LOT. We haven't really since mom died (things got a little tense here and there, but not like we usually are) ... but I know it won't last. It can't -- not when he believes BLM are terrorists, or that gays have an agenda. And now he keeps wanting to do things with me, like watch my shows, and a petulant part of me is like, no, this is mom's territory -- stay out. I don't want to do anything with him. (Especially since I know he'll start ranting once the shows start talking about racism and homophobia.)

My parents always had a volatile relationship. Mom didn't know you could get pregnant the first time, and when she found out she was pregnant, her Catholic family bullied her into marrying him.* And he cheated on her at LEAST once (with a girl who was only a few years older than me at the time -- I was 15, she was 19, he was 33). My mother was far from perfect, so I don't blame all the marital problems on him. But my point is they were married "in name only" for about the last 25 years, so it's ... offensive to me now that he would dare to act bereaved.

I know he can be hella manipulative, make himself seem generous so as to be loved, and then turn on you like a viper, getting irrationally angry. I can't drive, we live in a very rural area with no public trans, there are no friends or fam less than an hour away, I've had next to no job for the last 17 years, I barely feel like a functional human being (am coming to seriously suspect I have ADHD and Dyscalculia; I have diabetes and suspect have PCOS and a thyroid problem; all these things having strong interconnections; and I have no insurance, nor do I qualify for aid, thanks to living in Florida), and I feel utterly trapped. There's a reason Rapunzel is my fave princess. I've had bad experiences with cabs, so using Uber / Lyft kind of terrifies me. Plus, he'd want to know where I'm going, and likely either insist on coming too, or insist I can't go, because his house, his money, his rules. The ONLY time each year I get away is when I go to Dragon Con (and I'm worried he might forbid that in the future -- he has once before).

And then there's the problem of ... he has no one. As much as I can't stand him, he lost his job because of COVID, he's lost his wife, he has no real friends (total homebody), and like it or not, he has supported me financially for so long. Even if someone else were to take me in, or I can get a job and save to leave ... how can I leave him (a person with severe rheumatoid arthritis / in not-great health)? I owe him too damn much, and I feel like it would be entirely callous of me. Yes, I realise that that's the abuse talking, but ... it's also true?

Anyway, I feel like I'm on Sliders, and keep stepping into progressively worse timelines.

* Let me mention that I have long suspected my mother is -- was -- on the autism spectrum, but when I mentioned it to one of her sisters, the sister seemed skeptical, saying that if anything, mom had a penchant for reading out loud, so they thought maybe she had a reading disability, and took her to a specialist, but "that's it". (Mom was in "remedial" classes through high school, so it doesn't sound like they did enough -- and maybe couldn't because the science just wasn't there.) I explained that mom frequently seemed to have trouble grasping concepts, especially humour. Like when a radio ad featured someone reciting a love-letter to a tomato, she was all, "That's stupid -- tomatoes can't read!" Try as I might, I could not get her to understand that the love letter was a playful way to tell US about what makes the tomato so good.)

Anyway, when I talked to my grandmother recently, she said that my mom "always had a special way of looking at things," and that she guessed mom was "what do they call it -- neuro-something? 'Aspie'? High-functioning, but still." And I told my cousin about it, and he said, "Wait, I thought it was common knowledge in our family that your mom was autistic?" (Note: we have other, officially diagnosed family members who are on different areas of the spectrum.) People always commented when I was growing up that it was like my mom's role and mine was reversed -- like I was the parent, and she was the child.

But to think my family had *recognised* that something was up, and left me, a child, to deal with it on my own?? To think they *pressured* someone who was "special" into having a child?

I know my mom loved me, but my whole life, she said she wished I'd never been born, and so she'd never have married my dad -- I know both can be true, that she loved me but wished she'd never had me (she'd have never known what she was missing). She only survived her marriage because I was there; I've always felt she'd have had a better life if she hadn't married him. When she tried to leave him, her mother would not take her in, because divorce was against her mother's Catholic beliefs (never mind that my uncle divorced twice)

I loved my mother, but were fought a lot, and she frequently exasperated me as we struggled to communicate. She frequently left words out, but did not believe that she did; when we met her last PCP the first time, he looked at me and said, "Is she always like this, or is she having a stroke?" And she would always angrily proclaim that I wasn't listening, when most of the time, it's that I couldn't get her to understand that she was working from a misconception or misunderstanding in the first place, because she would focus on ONE THING, to the exclusion of all else.

An example of an exchange (copied from a letter I wrote to a friend): We got into a weird argument yesterday. She had asked me for pain reliever, a glass of tap water (you're supposed to drink a full glass of water with the pills), and a "cold water" from the fridge (it's too cold to drink it all at once, but we both prefer ice water in general). Later, I was picking stuff up from her table-tray, including a bottle of pain reliever, and put a bunch of stuff away. When I passed by again, she asked for more cold water. I happened to look as see that she had the tap water glass still full, even though she had asked tor it half an hour before. I asked if I needed to bring the pain pill bottle back, because she hadn't drunk the tap water yet -- had I taken the pill bottle too soon, or had she forgotten to drink the water? She was all, "no, I said I need COLD water!" I said I knew that, and I would bring it; I was just asking of she had taken her pills already, or if I needed to bring the pill bottle back too. Her (again): "I said I need COLD WATER!" Me: "I know, and I will bring that -- I just want to know why you haven't drunk the tap water yet? Did you take your pills?" Her: "No, I'll take them at bed!" Me: "So I should bring back the pill bottle? Did I put it away too early?" Her: "YOU DON'T LISTEN! I SAID I NEED COLD WATER!" Me: "And I said I will bring that -- I'm just asking if you also need your pain pills?" Her: "You already took the bottle!! Did you forget that already?"

And then I finally spotted the white pain pills on the napkin under the tap-water glass, so I knew that no, I didn't need to bring it. But it's a frequent struggle to figure out how to phrase questions so I get the answer I need -- nearly every time, I get her screaming at me that I don't listen.

She loved me, but she was never mothering. She hated to be touched, so never hugged me; I was pretty touch-starved. I learned to read because she was a very slow reader when reading me stories; I got impatient and learned to do it for myself. She couldn't help me with my homework. She resented having to take me to school recitals and science fairs. She wasn't someone I could get advice from. I admit I was often envious of characters who had physically-loving, compassionate, wise mother-figures (who weren't so binary about morality -- and so weren't always screaming that this or that character should die, no matter how small the transgression).

But I wish she were still here to frustrate me -- that's so much better than not having her at all. And I wish I had been better at keeping my temper.

She was an atheist, and firm in that belief. Maybe she's right, or maybe her firm belief is affecting me, because I would dream frequently about others I have loved and lost, and swear I feel them, but with her ... nothing. Just a gaping hole in the fabric of my waking life, threatening to suck all the light and hope into it.

[mirainawen]

Some headcanons for The Long Road that absolutely nobody asked for

Who’s the messiest one:

Everyone has their places that they are the messiest one in.

dean: when he cooks, he does not clean up the kitchen afterward. he reasons that cleanup is sam's detail, because that splits the work 50-50. most of the time, sam is okay with this because he doesn't particularly enjoy cooking and is tired of takeout. he'll bitch dean out in three circumstances: 1, he hasn't been there (fair), 2, he wanted to eat out (less fair), 3, DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO WRECK THE WHOLE KITCHEN TO BAKE A FRICKIN PIE (least fair).

when it comes to the state of his room, though, dean falls right between sam and adam. it's his space, so he reasons everyone can mind their own business. sometimes he is really on top of it; other stretches of time, he'll let things pile up / get out of place before he'll do something about it.

you so much as leave a to-go cup in Baby, though, and God help you.

sam: between the three of them, sam tends to be the most orderly and tidy. BUT, leave that man alone to his own devices in the library? he's probably fallen asleep atop an entire table of "organized chaos" of open books, pages of notes, a new (unimplemented) filing system, a dozen bookmarked tomes, and a couple dozen pens lost amid the chaos. sam in research mode + cross-referencing & digitizing & organizing the men of letters' archives into a streamlined and interconnected, coherent system is...a lot. just like A Lot. and it Shows. (and sam's loving every minute of it. utterly geeking out in his own head.)

adam: is a disaster child. he'll let shit pile up until he has to deal with it, or is otherwise bitched at enough by (usually) sam. he doesn't have a lot of stuff, so it can't reach actual problem levels in the bunker. but he's totally the kind to be like, "what the hell? how long has this been here? hey, guys, when did we eat at burger king? oh god, we should definitely toss that at the next gas station. what? no i'm not going searching for a trash can right now" about his car.

Who feels the most uncomfortable about PDA:

it is, get this, sam. i know, i know. hear me out. when given the option, adam can and will be affectionate within reason. he's the most uptight and gunshy about it at first, when he just gets out of the cage; tends to withdraw from people getting too close, always on edge; as a survivor of the most Traumatic Thing in the Universe, that is more than fair and expected.

once he's had time to find his footing with sam & dean, however, he'll greet them with a bro-hug, when appropriate, a slap on the back, a nudge of the elbow, lowkey affection like that.

dean came back from purgatory more affectionate than he'd ever been before. much more readily will not only greet with a hug, but say goodbye (even in 'casual' partings) with a hug.

that leaves sam, who used to be considered more mushy than dean by these terms. dean's lowkey affection he's used to. adam's? nah. no. especially in the first 5 years, for the amount of time that adam does it (before shit gets Real Bad). after adam gets out of the institution, he gravitates more towards sam naturally, even when pissed, and sam's kinda lowkey why is he in my personal space??? weird. because it doesn't innately fit the same kind of way it does with dean. post-reintegration, he's more affectionate after they've found their footing again. he tries to make up for the Bad Years with more slaps on the shoulder kind of affection. boy's trying.

Who’s the funniest drunk:

sam is a disaster drunk. he's the biggest lightweight of the three of them, which is funny because he's also the biggest, just like the biggest in general. dean becomes so much fun in unexpectedly different kinds of ways. like, he can be talked into karaoke. or doing some stupid shit he's gonna regret in the morning because odds are it's not gonna end well.

but adam is straight up hilarious. that sharp wit comes out, and all his inhibitions (and image) are gone so he just straight up cracks the worst jokes ever and gets away with it. they land. somehow they land. maybe because sam & dean are also drunk. maybe because he is just that funny. maybe it's that he has a tendency to get blackout-wasted and do stupid shit that makes no sense whatsoever, like shower with his f*ckin socks on and dean is never gonna let that shit die.

Who texts the most:

adam or dean. during large periods of time in the first 5 years, adam will leave dean on read and dean texts because read receipts means he knows when adam is checking his messages and therefore he knows adam is at least alive, if not entirely alright. by that view, dean texts the most.

but for random shit, that would be adam. he'll text dean something like

with either no caption, or something like: this reminds me you need to hit the gym, or looks like you have competition and doesn't give further context. dean doesn't mind because at least it means the kid's not dying in a basement somewhere.

he'll kick his ass for the fat comment later

Who reads the most:

it goes in this order:

sam "i read this entire book in one sitting cause i had the time, and now i am awake at 1am because i can't decide if i want to start another one since i have down time" winchester

adam "does it have cool illustrations? no? fine, at least tell me the lore on boobries is correct" milligan

dean "what job has the least amount of reading?" winchester

Who has the most embarrassing taste in music:

eff. ing. adam. even in his own car (where, hey, the rules are driver picks the music dean!) he's only allowed a certain amount of time for his "whiny teenage garbage music" (thanks dean) before he has to change it to something a little more tolerable (rock, at the very least). heaven help him if he hints at something country with dean around. dean will be like, sit your ass down it's time for REAL music 101 and put on Metallica for the 8th time.

Who’s better with kids:

adam, with dean a very, very close second! so close, they probably tie. adam, early on, isn't good with anyone because fresh-out-of-the-cage (even post-institution for a bit) makes him kind of a hairs-breadth triggered bomb when it comes to people of all ages. but adam a bit more balanced? a natural. he grew up around extended family, friends, wanted kids of his own someday.

sam, however, is the absolute worst. a pure disaster moron in this arena. when adam is de-aged? dean didn't think it was possible for sam to suck so much at something. (don't worry, the boy found his bearings. but oh man...the road to get there, paved with more potholes than road.) BUT when sam really tries? like if he lets himself relax and lowers his inhibitions, he can do pretty well. but he's mostly just Highly Uncomfortable around kids, and like, it Shows.

Who’s the one that fixes things around the house:

dean. put that boy in the garage, under the hood of a car, great. can do it all. put that boy in front of a little home repair? renovation? by god he'll figure it out. and he won't put a hole in the wall shut up sammy. he takes pride in the upkeep of the bunker.

sam, however, is much more content to just be like ah man i wish we had a shelf here. or, oh right we need to remember to do xyz and then sit back and wait for it to Magically Take Care of Itself.

Who’s got the weirdest hobby:

hobby? what the hell is that? a homeless person?

Who cooks and who cleans up:

dean cooks, sam cleans. adam cooks, sam and dean will rock-paper-scissors for cleanup. or leave adam to do it. sam is never allowed to cook. he's a horrible cook. they'd literally rather eat out than let sam cook. sam, of course, is highly insulted, but also like...he knows dean & adam are better cooks. they just are. yes, fine, he'll wash the dishes again.

every now and then he gives it a shot. surprisingly he makes really good pancakes. he'll cook just to force one of the others to have to cleanup when he's tired of being on dish duty. dean & adam are not impressed when he tries to leverage sandwiches for dish duty.

sam, somewhat sloshed on a saturday night will be like, guys! guys! hey why don't i make us food and dean and adam are like, duuuuuude. ...wait, no. sam- and he's like, no, guys, i got this, and brings them microwave burritos. and THEN they're like hey! no! this does NOT mean we're doing dishes!

[mittensmorgul]

What do you think about Samwena now? Do you think they can still be endgame?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The TNT loop has brought me up through 12.21 today, and it’s wild what new canon can do to recontextualize the past.

I’m putting this under a cut, so that saileen shippers won’t have to subject themselves to my rambling about Eileen and Sam in a way I know they’ll dislike... but I’m tired of feeling like I can’t talk about canon how I see it on my own blog.

Back when these episodes originally aired, with the week to week meta cycle in between, a lot of context was left up to us and never explicitly clarified in canon. Many of us were just thrilled at the notion that Sam had made one (1) friend that he seemed as close with as Dean did, if not closer. We were all ready to read way more into their interactions than was actually there, because Sam just gets so few of these sorts of personal relationships, at all, with anyone.

Things have been provided with clarification now in s15-- like the previous nature of Sam’s relationship with Eileen, and Sam’s repeated insistence to Dean’s teasing that they’re “not like that.” Which seems to be urging me to go back and reexamine everything from the past connected to her without the erroneous assumption that they already had a romantic relationship going offscreen. And let me tell you, that puts an entirely different spin on Eileen’s prior purpose in the narrative. As a parallel for Mary. Which is why I suppose I’ve been finding so many weird Mary parallels for her since her resurrection (starting with the fact that the spell that brought her back was designed to resurrect Mary instead and going right on through all the BMoL Free Will Erasure brainwashing plot literally in the episode where Eileen was murdered by Hellhound).

Lady Bevell: Well, not about this illusion of you that you hold on to. The perfect life. Loving husband and kids. But it never really was perfect, was it? All those secrets you kept from your beloved John – that you were a hunter. That you invited Azazel to visit when he spared John's life.Mary: How do you-Lady Bevell: I have sources, Mary. Everywhere. After you died, your beloved John was a man slowly going mad, searching for revenge. What? Your boys didn't tell you? The drunken rages? The weeks of abandonment? Child abuse, really. It's no wonder they're... damaged. So... enough with the fairy tale. We are returning you to a more pure version of yourself – Mary Campbell, natural born killer.

The “illusion” of the perfect life, the illusion of Free Will, in essence (especially now that we know Chuck was also behind the whole BMoL narrative). Not to mention that in this episode, Toni will later heavily imply that Mary was in fact the one who killed Eileen (even if it wasn’t true... Sam and Dean STILL don’t know who actually killed Eileen). I mean, the fact they found Mary in the process of attempting to murder Jody Mills probably sealed the belief that at the very least, it COULD’VE been Mary who’d done the deed. Even Mary wouldn’t know for sure if she had, because brainwashed:

SAM: Why you spying on us? Oh, and what do you know about Eileen Leahy?TONI: Who?DEAN: Did you – did – did your people, did they kill her?TONI: Probably. Rule of thumb – if you think we killed someone, then we probably did. Speaking of, you do realize that by attacking me, you invite the retribution of the entire British Men of Letters? Investigation, no trial. Just punishment and ruin. Possibly at the hands of Mary Winchester.DEAN: The hell is that supposed to mean?TONI: Your mother – she's our permanent guest.SAM: She's your prisoner? Why?TONI: Prisoner? Who said anything about prisoner? No, Mary's joined the team. Even has her own super secret decoder ring.SAM: You're lying.TONI: You're right. There is no ring. Oh, boys and their mums. See, you see her as Mummy. We see her as one of our best killers.

Sam’s main drive during s12 was doing whatever he could to desperately create any sort of relationship with Mary that he could (even willingly working with people who’d TORTURED him), and this is what haunted him into s13, as well, after destroying the BMoL to save Mary, and then almost immediately losing her again to the AU.

Do I think that Sam is considering the possibility of a real relationship with Eileen? Probably, yeah, after Dean’s prodding, especially. But Dean was fundamentally misunderstanding the nature of Sam’s “agreement” with Eileen there. It wasn’t about a romantic arrangement.

Because they aren’t like that.

Eileen propositioned Sam in 15.07 (in the name of doing something “fun”), yes, but I still can’t see Sam’s reaction there as anything but surprise and consternation. He seems almost relieved that Cas showed up when he did to interrupt what would otherwise have been an uncomfortable and probably embarrassing talk.

When Dean asked about Eileen in 15.08, it felt to me like Sam’s comment about them having an agreement was directly about the opening scene... where Sam had secretly followed her out on a hunt, and then nearly getting himself killed both by Eileen AND the vampire, all because he didn’t trust her to handle it or ask for help if she needed it.

Their agreement gets further contextualization via Sue’s comment to Eileen, taunting her about having to “get permission” to come out and help her on a hunt. Because that’s exactly what she had to do. That was the nature of her agreement with Sam-- that she wouldn’t just leave without at least leaving a note (Sam’s exact words to her in that opening scene... “You could’ve left a note.”)

DEAN: Yeah. Eileen did good, right? Getting us back from hell. She doing okay?SAM: Yeah. I guess.DEAN: You guess?SAM: If she needs something from me, she'll tell me. We have an agreement.

It felt like Sam was telling Dean that he didn’t know how Eileen was, because part of their agreement was that Sam... not pester her over this sort of thing. Sam seemed... disappointed over the whole situation. Dean immediately turned this into a relationship thing, though, leaving Sam slightly confused, but probably considering the option, at least.

DEAN: You have an agreement? That's adorable. Look, man, I didn't want to say anything, okay, 'cause I was kind of in... in a bad place, and, uh, yeah, I didn't want to jinx it or whatever, but, you know, I tried the family thing, right?SAM: Yeah, me too. And that's not for us.DEAN: No, not really. But I'm just saying if it was to work, Eileen, you know, she gets it. She gets us. She gets the life. She's hot.SAM: Dean. I mean, I'm not even...DEAN: Look, all I'm saying is you... you could do worse, okay? And she could certainly do better. Like, so much better. I'm happy for you, Sammy.

If only Dean hadn’t framed it as essentially “settling” for someone just because they conveniently ticked off the most basic “someone in the life” box.

And if only this hadn’t come two scenes after Sam found Rowena, dead, in Hell. And literally flinching at the change that he saw in her. Almost as if Dean was trying to give Sam the “it’s not so bad. You couldn’t save Rowena, but at least you have a backup romantic interest, since you can’t resurrect Rowena and make everything okay with her, because you already used Rowena’s own spell to resurrect Eileen...” It felt like a weirdly hearty consolation speech in that context.

And if this hadn’t felt like more of a comment on DEAN’S recent mental turnaround after his experiences in 15.07, and his tentative hope that things between him and Cas aren’t completely kaput, that Cas hadn’t completely written him off, after Rowena’s little Marriage Counselling session with them (again, two scenes earlier).

Now is this to say that Sam’s emotional investment in a relationship with Eileen can’t change going forward? Absolutely not! He might really, truly invest himself in a relationship with her!

I’m extremely interested to see what happens in 15.09, because I think that episode will hopefully give us so many of the answers we’ve been waiting for. Not necessarily about endgame love interests, but about Chuck’s involvement in the first half of the season’s unfolding drama. And I think Rowena will have a continuing part to play after that point.

Does that mean I think Sam’s emotional investment in a potential relationship with Rowena can’t be rekindled? We’ll have to wait and see, but as it stood after 15.08, Sam, at least, seemed to be shaken by the change that had come over her after her sacrifice.

SAM: Rowena, I...ROWENA: Samuel, please. You killing me was one of the best things that ever happened. Yes, there are things I miss about being alive. Flesh-on-flesh sex. Amazon doesn't deliver here... yet. But, lads, I'm queen. My subjects revere me. Well, fear me, which is better. I should have died a long time ago. Samuel, be a dear.SAM: Yeah.

This has to be like a knife to him, you know? He’d been so invested in her redemption, as the Fated Agent of her final demise. And for Sam, who knows what she feared and who she loved (but Sam doesn’t know he’s on that list, she told him flat out he wasn’t right before she told him to kill her), she represents his current biggest failure, you know? He capitulated to Destiny, because he had no other choice. And that is still the worst thing anyone on the show can possibly say.

THIS was the final straw that drove Dean to anger with Cas, too. Rowena’s death was the direct result of Cas’s choice to kill Belphegor rather than let him complete his spell. It’s all interconnected, and it’s all painful, and it’s all a direct result of Chuck’s breaking the story the way he did in 14.20.

So make of this what you will, but I’m tired of not talking about these far bigger themes to avoid upsetting shippers who want saileen to be endgame. We’re not there yet, and until we are, I want to talk about all of this in a nonjudgmental way, because I think it’s all interesting, not because I have some shipping agenda.

I know I have more to say about all of this, but this is a good start, at least.

[mucky-puddler]

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood and reaping the rewards of research

First of all, spoilers for the film named above. Also, a disclaimer about words said - they are all mine own opinion, don’t come after me, just let me have this

So I saw my first Tarantino film recently, and I have a few thoughts. This is about to get really confusing so buckle up.

Let me give y’all an overview of the film. From the trailer, Once Upon A Time In Hollywood looked like a movie about a struggling movie star - set in 60′s, I got a lot of Texas/western vibes, regardless of the types of films we can see being produced throughout this film (told you).  Leonardo DiCaprio appears to be the lead with Brad Pitt as the brother-from-another-mother (whom I presumed would be given the romantic sub-plot, but more on that later). Oh and Margot Robbie is also there - she too plays an actor, but in a different film to DiCaprio...in the film trailer...yeah, that makes sense.

Being the terrible film studies student that I am, I decided that this will be my first Tarantino film. I’ve heard good things about him and have been recommended some of his earlier pieces of work like Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction, so I thought I would dip my toes in with the one that was in cinemas - Once Upon A Time In Hollywood.

So about 2/3 of the way through this film, with my M’n’Ms all gone and after leaving the theatre to buy some water, I had a thought come to me - nothing is happening. There is no plot. This film is made up of a series of moments that have been filmed nicely. I got bored - so bored, in fact, that my film brain kicked in and made me realise that there was no plot. Throughout the remainder of the film, I was searching - for meaning, for foreshadowing, for anything at all. I saw potential in a lot of these moments - where Brad Pitt’s (Cliff Booth) and Margaret Qualley’s (Pussycat) characters finally meet and visit an old filming location where Pussycat lives, or where Leonardo DiCaprio’s character (Rick Dalton) shares a moment with a child actor (will go into these scenes more later maybe), but there was very little connecting them together. Also, Rick and Margot Robbie’s character (Sharon Tate) never meet until the last few minutes!

Above is a diagram I have become extremely familiar with - I don’t know if it has a fancy name or anything but it essentially maps out the amount of tension as the story progresses; it can be applied to anything with a story in it, not just films, and it’s not a strict rule.

1 is exposition; now, we are often told (or I am, at least) that exposition is of the devil and should be removed as much as possible. But without exposition, how will the audience know where or when they are in the big wide universe. Authors (this is the term I will be using for the people that write stories) need exposition for setting the scene that is taking place - and that is okay. The entirety of Once In Hollywood appears to be exposition - there is so much setting up of character and relationships that nothing else seems to happen, which nicely leads on to the next point.

2 is called the inciting incident - it is an event within the story that sets off tension and invites excitement in the very souls of the audience. I did not feel that this vital point was evident in Once In Hollywood; I guess you could say that the meeting with Al Pacino’s character (Marvin Schwarz), where Rick realises that his career is over is the inciting incident, but I would argue that it doesn’t affect the rest of the narrative - Rick doesn’t change as an effect of the meeting, and therefore neither does the story.

3 is the rising action, and this is where most of the story should take place - smaller events are slowly increasing the tension up to the pinnacle (more on that later). Once In Hollywood, in my humble and potentially naive opinion, does not do this whatsoever. Everything following Rick and Marvin’s meeting remains at the same level of tension until the last twenty minutes or so. That’s not to say that I did not find some scenes interesting - the scenes I mentioned earlier were the most memorable and interesting for me (obvs everyone is different).To be completely candid, I’m surprised it took me 2/3 of a film for me to realise how uneventful that film was - perhaps I’m entertained by boring films.

4 is the climax, the part everyone looks forward to, and this can definitely be seen in Once In Hollywood - but it is a little unexpected. The murderers almost came out of nowhere, and I saw no connection between the man who ordered the kill (which I think was Damien Herrimon’s character, Charles Manson (some of you may be familiar with that name, I’ll get onto it later)) and those who actually (tried to) get their hands dirty. They did have a connection with Cliff Booth, purely on accident, mind you. The wind-up to the big climactic fight was somewhat drawn out with an unnecessary amount of shots of the murderers walking up this hill to get to Rick’s house. The actual fight was exactly what I expected from a Tarantino movie - bloody and violent and epic (although it was weird that Rick brought out the flame-thrower (from one of his earlier movies) and torched one of the murderers without knowing what was going on).

I’m going to lump 5 and 6 together because there are only a few minutes of the film left to cover and they generally happen close together anyway. So 5 is falling action, where the tension calms down a little and the adrenaline slowly leaves the audience and they can lean back in their seats once more, and 6 is the resolution where everything comes into perspective. In the context of Once In Hollywood, neither of these events are fully satisfied - the cooldown period before the credits was so short meaning it left the audience confused, and nothing was really resolved because there was nothing to resolve in the first place. I’m sure a statement can be made about the peculiarity and abruptness of life here, but I don’t want to make it because it sounds stupid.

And now about the research. I was more than happy to leave behind this film in memory and move on with my life (bad film student), but my wonderful boyfriend search for answers and found a clue to them all before the bus arrived home.

If you are familiar with the name Sharon Tate, then you already know where this is going, but I had never heard the name before - I know very little about my own history, let alone the history of another country. You may also notice that she is not mentioned a whole lot in my very very brief overview of this 2 hour and 40 minute film; that’s because she’s not really in it - she doesn’t interact with any of the other characters until the very end when she invites Rick into her home after the attack. And I have a theory about why.

If you type ‘Sharon Tate’  into google, you will be greeted with the face of an actress that was murdered in 1969 in her home in Hollywood by the Manson family, led by Charles Manson. Prior to this research, I was guessing that the character called Manson was in charge of the potential murders within the film because his name was only brought up once and there wasn’t really anyone else it could be. Then after a simple google search, it is confirmed (to me, at least) that he is the man behind it. So my next question was this; if you have such a big story in your film, why not focus the film on that instead of a fictional character? The words ‘based on a true story’  always hit home to the audience, making them realise that their lives are not as safe as they once thought, so why leave out such an impactful tool in the hopes of making it a fictional story?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cF76gm9PdOs

Now that right there is a scene breakdown with Leonardo DiCaprio and Tarantino (who is a lot younger than I thought he would be), and Tarantino discusses how the character of Rick Dalton fits into our past, fighting for jobs alongside Steve McQueen who is also seen as a character in this film (played by Damien Lewis). On top of that, Mike Moh plays Bruce Lee, which brings our real people count up to 4 - so it’s pretty clear that this film is based in our history. But it isn’t our history, because in our history Sharon Tate dies. Therefore...alternate universe!

If you know anything about me...which you don’t...you would know that I love talking about things like this - it is my jam. I think it is interesting that a director as famous as Tarantino would employ such a trope commonly associated with science fiction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtbJMTPi2zQ

After watching the first minute of this film by New Rockstars, I have learned that this use of the alternate realities is actually quite common for Tarantino to use, which is interesting. I have never heard anyone talk about Tarantino and his use of popular history within his work. In this video, his films are described as a fairytale re-telling of events, often ending happier than history did. 

But does all of this, the idea of an alternate, interconnected universe, the happier endings, the familiar names, does it balance out the plot-less moment montage I saw that rainy afternoon? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m kind just happy discussing films, and people always have more to say about the films they hate rather than the films they enjoy, right? I could go on more, but this post has taken days, and I mean days to write, so imma summerise - this film is okay after thinking about it a bit and after knowing a little more about Tarantino, and research pays off.

[crystalbluesoul]

Alright, I wrote a whole damn frigging lot of the Naglfar Lore to one bud on Discord and will share this here. Look at this, @CApexHunter on Twitter and be amazed! Major spoilers for a thing you’d never hear about otherwise unless I’d actually get my ass up and start making it a novel, game, VN or whatever goes.

A few select people I know might be crazy enough to actually read all this nonsense, so this is for you too:

@aftertheend-gamedev @johnny-writes​ @soulwitch​

Also you @yukianesawarachia​ get your lore straight.

It’s a pretty rough summary about the most important parts up to the start of the main story, so don’t get your hopes up if you want to read about elf hierarchy (can be sorta found here), a summary of internal politics between more influental royal families, happenings that were deemed too insignificant to be relevant or the history between state and church, principles of magic and catalysts and basically everything not named until now you’ll be severely disappointed.

Alright, we're talking the world called Naglfar. It's a planet, however follows the hollow earth principle which is important, but also a massive spoiler. A planet with its own immune system, regulated through both atmospheres, outer and inner one so to say.

 [Idiot’s note: Not a reliable map but correct for visualisation.]

Scattered throughout the Overworld are the World Trees, which share information and help keep the planet's condition stable, being interconnected but also regulating said atmospheres to keep a balance. Their roots make up quite a bit of the inner landmass too.

[Terranigma, which used a similar principle with the hollow earth.]

Millions of years ago a meteorite struck and penetrated the outer husk, latching itself onto the world’s core and gradually darkened it, the underworld's sun. With it came a being carrying a virus, taking the antibodies of the planet and corrupting them which lead to the creation of even more of antibodies. Feel free to call me out for Chrono Trigger btw. Congratulations tho, we now have what I lovingly call "AIDS-earth". Lots of World Trees naturally fought for balance, but soon their roots were taken by the corrupting nature of the invader. Only a few managed to cut off their roots themselves to stop their own corruption, but most started to die from within, sapping the land surrounding them of Mana and nutrients, that's how they collapsed and crumbled further towards the core and with time the darkened atmosphere of the underworld came through.

[Ash Lake from Dark Souls, which ignited my World Tree ideas.]

That's what the situation today is like, there's only a handful continents with World Trees at their centre today, surrounded by a massive cliff with a black fog at its visible bottom. There's various human factions deciding over the future, given the chance the crumbling will continue unlike the past few 100 years. Should they just stay like this? Should they look for mechanical flight machines? Should they look for a magical engine? Or... should they research the fog and prepare for a life within that bottom?

[Fanart of the Zeal Island from Chrono Trigger. There’s a chance kingdoms like this already exist but keep to themselves. Damn, this image goes from pinterest to photobucket to shutterstock, so I’ll insert a source if someone can tell me.]

There's various local groups of descendants from other lands which were affine  to some options, skilled technicians or mages, but that's that for the current group. Here the rules are different too, aside from natural things we are used to, there's also a portion of mana in soil, air, water, heat, you get the gist. Elements. These elements have largely influenced the life of people, if you live in caves for generations you become smaller and sturdier, magma caves bring fire in, which reverses that for bigger and stronger. Places filled with water, perpetually recycled from the tree, and fresh air from forests attune the people and animals to make them more receptive (and basically elves). Animals in time could become monsters, sometimes humans had relationships with whatever they could find and so various subbreeds and variations came into existence. Humans fuck. Animals fuck. Things do weird things. Some genes are more compatible than others, so sometimes results are rather random even after generations. Yuki has an OC biologist who's researching this,  makes it quite fun. Aside from the biological view, there's also the theological view. Angels and Heaven, as well as demons. Though there's.... not yet really a hell. Heaven is purely ethereal and lower angels are sent for their mission on earth sometimes.

[Humans fuck.]

Heaven came to exist from faith and prayers of humans, praying for certain things with certain images in mind became lower deities, sub-'specialities' so-to-speak created a hierarchy with an "all-powerful" god at its top, but no one really knows about that. Likewise demons came into existence from the fear of mankind. Stories of men and women sucking blood or directly your soul and whatever else the human mind can produce. At least that's the true demons who became concepts similar to the deities. There's offspring here too (because everything fucks), but they're not true demons anymore so w/e. Our main-story follows a trio of knights in what I call different things, but most commonly... let's say the "reset"-timeline. But before that, let's go through royal hierarchy! ...or at least the most basic thing.

Aside from sending angels, the heavens chose certain bloodlines to hold their power and bring peace. If you've played the new Fire Emblem: Three Houses you've heard of crests, it's basically that funnily enough. I had the idea first, pah!! Well, it's not much of an idea, but let's continue. There are four major crests, or as they're called here "gifts", with their given nicknames: The Beast - Inconceivable power The Dragon - Unwavering heart The False Prophet - Unending magic The Wish - The power of the royal bloodline For the wish, this story is a bit more intricate too, as some people are granted their wishes for their piety or pure prayer. It plays a major role in the story too, so you better remember that.

[Indeed inspired by biblical tales! But don’t question me on them please. It has ties to what happened between religion and state, hence the names.]

In the original timeline, the three knights. Daryll, the one carrying the Gift of the False Prophet Siegmund... turning out to carry the Gift of the Dragon Nyr, turning out to carry the Gift of the Beast Are currently completing a final test for knight school and are soon to be deployed to a remote village they've been to alot for missions. Protecting citizens, routing monsters and undead in the area, pretty basic stuff. But in a larger skirmish Daryll goes missing, Nyr and Sieg turn back to report. In the meantime Daryll has joined up with the undead boss, a scientist who wants to prepare humans for life below the dark fog. They carry out a number of stuffs, promising Daryll the fulfilment of his innermost wish... This also included killing some people but Daryll is determined.  His desire burns bright and won't stop at anything, even when Nyr and Siegmund ended up opposing him. Siegmund died preventing their battle and Daryll ended up slaying Nyr in battle... but went mad, realising that this will only distance himself from the fulfilment of his wish. Upon confronting the undead Boss, Albert, he was discarded and roamed the lands alone with his thoughts.

[Best boy.]

It took Daryll a few years to come clear with his conscience, which is when he picked up Kai, a girl from the orphanage in the village he was first stationed in. Along with other people, a resistance of people not fine with basically everything, they fought Albert and the army of turned people which was established in the past few years. However soon they'd find out that Albert had taken energy from the World Tree to reach his goals, which weakened its influence and allowed beasts from within the Abyss to reach their lands, as well as continue the rate at which the continent broke off. In a last effort Kai and a few people went to steal what could still be salvaged while Daryll and the rest of their resistance keep Albert from further destroying the continent and becoming the, maybe, first man in the Abyss.

...however the Resistance is pushed back and Kai returns alone, deadly wounded and with... the Seed of the World Tree in her hands. Dying in Daryll's arms, he takes the Seed from her and confronts Albert, activating one of the ultimate spells by accident, the Divine Nova, which... is where the original timeline ends. I wanted to leave the ending open, but best case they manage to grow a new tree, but even then there's hardly anything to build up from... but mankind will push on.

[Yes, Divine Nova is basically a small Supernova. It’s also called “Heaven’s Gate”, since it’s light alone can probably burn something. Also looky here.]

In truth this Divine Nova brought the last bit of energy the heavens needed to perform a 'reset'. You could say a time-altering spell which brought us back to the point of before the test/trial the three knights underwent. Only this time, a few people were made to angels and sent back, to alter the outcome for the better. Niamh and Caireall, who are both reincarnated from Kai, who internally wished for a protector, a big brother to care for her, similar to how she came to love Daryll in her lifetime. And Shou... a girl with false memories, implanted by the heavens to keep her psyche from collapsing. Daryll, who in his final moments wished for all to start over, overcoming his original wish which lead him down his path of madness... which was funnily enough granted on a whim. Instead of going report, Shou, at this point calling herself Susan meets up with Nyr and Siegmund and convinces them to go after Daryll instead, this is where the story begins I could go into detail for some family trees here, but I'm beat up... If you'll excuse me, I'll post this here to my tumblr for now in hope of receiving internet points.

[Me walking into freedom.]

[paracosmia]

Random Questions

Rules: Always post the rules. Answer 11 random questions posted for you. Create 11 new questions and tag 11 people. Let the person who tagged you know that you answered.

Tagged by: @unfortunatelycake 

1. If you were a mythical beast, what would you be? Abaia, a giant eel that resides at the bottom of freshwater lakes in the Fiji, Solomon and Vanuatu Islands. It vehemently protects all the creatures of the lake, as it considers them to be its children, and punishes those who harm them, with floods, great waves and rainstorms. Or maybe a Cat Sìth, a fairy creature that takes the form of a large black cat with a dot of white fur on its chest. Some versions of the Cat Sìth portray it as a witch who can transform into a cat. The witch can do this 9 times, but has to remain as a cat on the 9th time. (That’s where the idea of a cat having 9 lives is said to come from).

2. What is the weirdest movie you ever watched? Hmm, I don’t know. I don’t really find movies that weird to be honest. Any fictional situation is completely plausible in my mind. But maybe something like Tetsuo: The Iron Man /鉄男 Tetsuo (dir. Shinya Tsukamoto) or Possession (dir. Andrzej Żuławski) but those are just the first two that popped into my head. 3. One thing in the world that you’d like to change? There are a lot of things. But everything is complex and interconnected and there’s always more than one thing that needs to be changed at the same time in order for it to work for any length of time. This is such a non-answer, but it’s the one I’m giving. 4. What is your favourite show of all time? Right now I’d probably have to say ‘Gotham’, even though it’s just my favourite show from the past couple of years and there are a few other shows I’ve enjoyed a lot too. 5. Do you sing in the shower/bath? No. 6. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? I probably shouldn’t mention one of the things that I wanted to be when I was little, but apart from that I also wanted to be a marine biologist, a writer, an artist, a ballerina, and a musician. The first thing and the ballerina disappeared (my parents let me have ballet lessons for a while, but first we couldn’t afford to keep our car and then it was “well you can go to ballet or you can eat”, so there wasn’t really the choice anymore), the other desires never really left me.

7. What thing do you love to do the most? Completing something I’ve been working on. And drawing, writing, being around animals & near the sea or on the moors. 8. If the seasons were gods and you had to give them names, what names would you give them? Winter - Toppurilod Spring - Tsutsuyazaa Summer - Goryacheiss Autumn - Amelegen

9. What kind of AU are you completely weak for? I don’t really know? Villains I like from various things villaining around together. I guess? 

10. If a crazy man showed up in a blue box and told you that he could take you anywhere, to any time and any place, what would you do? Honestly? Probably assume he was just a crazy man in a blue box and leave him to it. I suppose I’m supposed to answer this with where I’d go and what I’d do though. I really want to say “ask him to take me to see the beginning and then the end of all existence”, just to see what’s there.

11. What one skill/talent would you really like to have? I suppose actually having one at all would be a start! But perhaps to be able to speak, understand and write in/communicate in all known languages fluently would be a talent I’d like to have.

Tagging: Whoever wants to do it.

My questions for you: 1. What’s the strangest dream you’ve ever had? 2. What is the worst taste/smell you’ve ever tasted/smelt? 3. Would you rather have no music or no visual arts for the rest of your life? 4. Is there something that seems simple to everyone else that you have never understood? 5. Would you rather be a giant lizard or a giant cow? Why? 6. What images come into your head when you read the words “I opened the door and stepped out into...”? 7. Deep sea, deep space or deep jungle? Why? 8. If you could prevent one invention from having been invented and replace it with something else (new), which things would you choose? 9. What are your thoughts on cyborgs, androids and AI? 10. What’s the best thing about you? (You HAVE to answer this positively) 11. If you had to create a new planet, what would it be called and what would it be like?

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Reflection 12 (FINAL) | Netjuu no Susume 1 | Mahoutsukai no Yome 1 | Code:Realise 1 | Kino’s Journey (2017) 1 | Dynamic Chord 1 | Houseki no Kuni 1 | Anime-Gataris 1 | Idolmaster Side M 1

Kekkai Sensen seems to be off limits, even when I try to comprehend the relevant JavaScript after dodging region lock. Grr…I spent and hour and 30 mins just trying to figure out that code!!! Oh well (dejected tone), at least I have Classicaloid…

Reflection 12 (FINAL)

Oh please, X-On. Fighting fire with fire is the worst thing you can do. Haven’t you learnt that over the course of this show?

Gahhhh! Finally, the magical girls have arrived! Thank you, Stan Lee!

Wowee, that was some concentrated sound, so to speak.

Well, that’s just original, y‘know? Pyramid. In the desert. Whoop-de-doo.

Rule number 14138008 of crime-fighting: Always make sure you have a backup in case someone uses yorur kryptonite against you. Or in this case, a superpower-stripping technique.

I don’t think X-On’s become one with the Darkness yet. He has some flippin’ plot armour on his side, after all. Why haven’t any of these guys succumbed to the ageing process yet?

Well, I got my answer to my previous question, but how did vision!Eleanor appear, anyway?

Wait…wait. I knew he had plot armour! Argh! X-On! What the heck did you do to deserve plot armour???

Oh, the magical girls are part sentai and part actual magical girl. Notice they have kanji across their chests for their associated element.

“Why won’t you accept Darkness’s darkness?” – Okay, “Darkness’s darkness” is a bit too redundant, y’hear?

Wait…wait. Ninth Wonder only had 4 members??? Wat. Then Ian goes and undoes all their hard naming work by calling them by their real group name, dangit. You ruined a perfectly good magical girl show, Ian.

They didn’t even put in the crack on X-On’s helmet…head…thingy.

Okay, I am so confused…Guh. Thank goodness it’s over.

Netjuu no Susume 1

I like the rare stories where a girl transforms into a boy for non-hentai reasons. This is the closest anime I’ve gotten so far to that concept, so…yay, me?

“Recommendation of the Wonderful Virtual Life” and “Recovery of an MMO Junkie” mean two very different things on the same topic. What was happening in the localiser’s mind when they created this title for the English-speaking audience???

That scene where Moriko collapses on her bed…for some reason, someone was watching a show with the Moonlight Sonata in the background, so now I think MMO Junkie is sad. (Which is probably wrong.)

Oh, by the way. The –juu in Netjuu gives the word a special kind of connotation. A riajuu is what’s known as a normie, or a non-otaku, non-gamer sort of person. A netjuu must therefore be a net addict. Kiznaiver taught me that.

“I chose the NEET life.” - I know that feel, Moriko.

Oh, they even gave Moriko’s character Saiyan hair for a moment, LOL.

Okay, here’s a pun. Mori (forest) is 3x ki (tree) and hayashi (grove) is 2x ki. That’s using the kanji, though.

The guy with the glasses looks like a dude from Occultic;Nine. I have bad memories of that show because of Ryouka…er, big knockers girl.

Owee. I once joined an RPG because of some IRL friends but I forgot to ask them what group they were in, and so I was a solo quester…so I know that feel, Moriko.

This is based on a Comico manga, so the designs are simple to draw and they were originally in colour, so they just needed to be reworked for animation. See? Backing Comico in my Superstar wa Nemurenai days wasn’t such a bad idea, now, huh?

Himeralda? For a guy character? Well, that broke the gender barrier.

Christmas is a holiday for lovers in Japan, so I suspect it’s something to do with that.

Lawson -> Cowson, LOL.

Despite all the obviously still motion shots, I’m really enjoying this. Why does it have to be 10 eps??? (By the way, why didn’t I get Kekkai Sensen??? Dangit, Funi!!!)

Oh, this is so adorable! Lily even dressed up and Moriko got her chicken! It’s such a heartwarming Christmas for these guys.

These transitions, while not original, I find are really cool. Not Disney-level, but still inventive. Also, that green dot is definitely Hayashi and the pink one Lily.

LOL, Lawson was a sponsor this ep, it seems. Had I paused a little later, I would’ve missed its credit!

This is a keeper for sure. I’m just disappointed about the short ep count (due to the nature of Comico)…and Kekkai Sensen, uwu…

Mahoutsukai no Yome 1

Le hype. That’s all. I’ve been watching 1 – 2 eps per day (for these first eps of the fall season) and since the weekend is so full of good shows, I don’t know how people can watch entire seasons like this…As for my take on this show, it’s pretty and well-received after the OVA and advance screening, so hopefully this will deliver. I’m not an AMB manga fan by the way.

It’s normally a bad sign to start with an OP, but it shows off the animation, so I’m not complaining.

The English title shows how interconnected the world is these days…it’s kinda scary, actually.

Chise looks lke a bride here, or she’s on her deathbed. Both symbolic meanings are applicable.

I never thought Japanese people would be able to capture Western elegance so well.

The chibi-ish style doesn’t suit such a serious show. Are these chibi-ish sections also part of the manga?

I thought the woman with the bonnet was called Silky? Not Silver? The promo materials all say ��Silky”, and the OVA did too IIRC.

I think the biggest descriptor of this show is “whimsical”.

Historically, fairies lure people into Fairyland like the stereotypical portrayal of sirens, and they’re not as benign as my portrayal of them in One Wish They Never Wanted.

The irony of a dog-face skull calling you his puppy. It really brings an odd sense of humour to this show.

Welp, that’s another safe keeper. I’ve being quite definite about my choices, as you might have noticed, since the weekend is positively overloaded with shows (as I mentioned earlier).

Code:Realise 1

It’s an otome game adaption. They don’t always go down well, but it’s worth a shot.

Isn’t it “London Bridge is falling down”?

CR seems to have forgotten to title this ep “London Steam” on their site.

Well, they’re guards. Y’think lowering their guard would’ve been a funny pun, at least if this were dubbed in English (which this will be…eventually).

Ooh, so this plain bishie is Arsene Lupin? Me likey.

Like, seriously, Where are this tiny spark-star-thingies coming from?

Impey…who? Update: Google (plus previous spoilers) tell me that Impey is Impey Barbicane, accomplice to Lupin.

LOL, I’ve watched me too many Kaito Kid heists. Me likey, once again. However, the thing I don’t get is the voiceover. Couldn’t Lupin have actually said these lines instead of putting them on voiceover???

Gahhhhhhh! This eyecatch’s bishie has such horrible eyes that they burn mine! Get me out of here!

How does Impey know Cardia’s name??? Update: You’ll get the answer later…

It’s a few generations too early for a man to go to the moon, LOL. Poor Impey.

Victor…well, I never. Anime really does cover everything. Plus, Frankenstein ain’t his monster in this one, which would make Mary Shelley proud.

Hey, Kaitou (Phantom Thief) Lupin is one thing but using your real name as your kaitou identity is taking it a bit far. Sure, there was Kaito Kuroba, but at least he was Kaito Kid as well.

Sheesh, the Horologium sounded like nuclear power before Lupin explained it was Cardia’s heart…that would’ve been tonnes scarier, had Cardia been a nuclear monster.

LOL, Lupin’s so tsundere! Hahaha…

Oh please. Don’t let the vampires steal away Cardia (LOL)!

Victor being pegged as a terrorist has something to do with Isaac, right?

Lupin’s so effin’ short. No wonder he stands in high places when he lords over the British Army, haha.

Smol corgi with cyborg leg is probably my new dog aesthetic, haha. Plus top hat. I like top hats.

Shouldn’t the corgi have died when Cardia grabbed it though, or was that because of its leg?

The rainbow transition was a bit much, but okay. I can live with it.

So smol corgi is called Sisi? What a weird name.

It’s…not bad, I could probably watch until the end. However, the colour scheme seems to be “bright” with these recent female games (see Sengoku Night Blood for another example of what I mean). Well, since I said that, it’s a keeper. (I think the random James Bond-esque scene involving shooting guns then being in front of an explosion in the ED sealed the deal though, LOL.)

Kino’s Journey 1

I’m a noob to the world of Kino, so please don’t spoil me on anything you’ve seen in the previous adaptations! All I really know is the shtick: Kino is neither a guy nor a girl. They stick around in a country for 3 days then leave. They have a talking motorbike named Hermes…that’s pretty much it.

Lerche? On Kino? Y’think someone else could’ve done it better? I feel like a washed-out, subdued feeling would suit this show best. However, these words are coming from a Kino’s Journey noob, as I just said, so disregard me if you want.

Mori no naka de…b? What’s the “b” for?

A few times when they say “country”, I imagine a sea. That makes sense, considering it’s the sea that separates a lot of us.

How does Hermes talk???

Hermes is CGI. Trust my eyes, they’ve seen a lot of CGI for their time.

The gun is called Cannon? Wuh? The other gun is called the Woodsman? Wuh wuh???

A motorrad appears to be a motorbike, but…okay. It’s a BMW make of motorbike. Like a Ford Gran Torino.

*Kino points the gun* Whoa! What a fakeout!

Kino is CGI sometimes, too, it seems.

Those cows seem to be angry at Kino for some reason…

Why does no one question the talking motorbike???

Oh, I see. That was what I suspected from the moment the rifle was shown in the store. Public order is good here because people simply turn a blind eye.

I think Kino hopping behind Hermes should’ve been 2D. It’s not fluid enough in 3D…not quite yet to convey a proper sense of action, but enough to create a sense of disquiet. (Which is what I believe the show wants, so I’ll take my words back for the moment.)

“Ow!” is an understatement, considering it (the arrow) must’ve severed a muscle or two.

Ah, loophole. I didn’t see that coming.

Whoa. What dramatic irony.

I swear they recycle parts of this footage over and over again. I’m getting dejavu.

Hahaha, that crepe ending was funny. It wasn’t an ideal way to finish such an unsettling episode, but it was a good punchline.

Well, I think this is going to be really repetitive, so I’ll put it on hold and roll the next show up.

Dynamic Chord 1

More Ume. As an Ume fan, I’m spoilt for choice this season.

Cherry blossom opening is probably a bad omen. It’s probably the most cliched opening you could go for.

Holy eye colours, Batman! “That yellow should not exist as an eye colour,” is all I’m saying.

Honestly, this is the least gripping band/idol anime I’ve tackled all season. If they’re just going to be angsty in the rain, they should’ve been one season earlier because I would’ve taken this over The Reflection or In Another World With my Smartphone, laser eye boy be damned.

Wait, is pinkhead in the car or out of it? Update: He’s in a convertible. So it’s a yes and a no.

That metronome transition was pretty bad. Really hamfisted.

That transition away from the metronome, I couldn’t even tell that was a transition!

Aw gawsh, spare me. This looks like one of those ads you see play between shows on TV channels without company sponsorship. Or an only-half-decent MV.

I think they’re trying to be Dark and Edgy (TM) in comparison to, say, TsukiPro, but that was better than this.

Extended Pans for No Reason Whatsoever (TM)! Also, Bumblebee car. I’m having fun ripping this show apart, man. Now I see the real quality of Hatewatches (with a capital H), but it’s only been 5 minutes...

Dual eye colour boy (Reon), oi. You really didn’t do anything. Don’t give yourself unnecessary credit.

Bumblebee boy has way too long eyelashes, by the by. Did I ever mention that?

At least they justified the previous shots. That one there, at about the 6 minute mark, was not justified.

Based on Dai Murase (Ume’s role in TsukiPro), I thought the Kyohso doppleganger was gonna be Ume, but he thankfully got someone more attractive (Kuro of apple polisher). I still don’t like the name apple polisher though, how the heck did that name “get popular overseas”???

The camera shakes sometimes for no reason at all.

Reon seems constantly grumpy for some reason…

C’mon…this production is visually quite junky. Admit it.

Please don’t make this another ad fakeout. Only play your cards once for a certain trick…

Pink and blue eyed boy looks like a villian, but he’s probably a “hero” in this story.

This is probably a music video, but if I wanted a music video, I’d go to YouTube. Not an anime, unless it were an anime musiv video (a proper one, not an amateur effort YouTube Poop).

Wait, they spent 5 minutes just showing us a music video? It was pretty bad, so of course I noticed it in a bad way.

What is up with black and blue guy’s hair? I thought bumblebee guy was bad enough.

Sometimes removing the volume is all you need to figure out if an anime is good, since if they cared about their visuals and plot enough, then they wouldn’t be relying on shots of dudes rocking backwards and forward so much.

I get not all band people are singers, but still…bumblebee boy, if you’re so willing, why not you take Reon’s place?

Wait, so pink-haired convertible boy is the famed Yorito??? Dorito, more like it!

If the animators for this show were any good, they’d animate the fingers when the guitarists play. I’ve seen people play the guitar before. I used to take music classes. Geez, Pierrot. Stop skimping.

Another Skimping Technique (TM) – Speedlines in Replacement of Actual Motion (sic).

Too bad Dorito’s skipping practice, eh, Reon?

C’mon, Dorito. First it’s an angsty rain scene, now it’s an angsty shower scene? You don’t even look half hot here. Or half wet, for that matter.

I know anime is meant to look flat, but these sections I’ve been calling “music videos” are…superflat, to give them a name. They look like paper overlaid on the anime background, with little to no real animation being done, and that’s why I’m giving this show such a bad rap.

All that angst…for this? It seems a little anticlimatic, is all I’m saying.

Well, I made it through one episode. It’s probably not as bad as I made it out to be, but I do hatewatch picks for my own pleasure and this just became one of them. Onto the drop pile it goes…

Houseki no Kuni 1

This is the last debut of the fall season, at least until someone hands me Kekkai Sensen. Okay, here’s the story about why I’m here: I heard good things about Steven Universe in my home country, so I went on a trip and tried some Cartoon Network there. Thing is, Steven Universe didn’t resonate with me as much as I thought it would. Therefore, to take the concept and turn it into a real anime – would that do it for me? Let’s find out.

Hmph, I had the sound on this time and I had the feeling all the gems were voiced by women. Like Steven Universe.

When they said “sunspots”, they…uh, kinda meant it.

I feel like Master Kongo’s VA is a bit too soft. Otherwise, this show is pretty good.

Whoa. Seeing Phos shattered like this and still conscious must be freaky. Makes for some good body horror, eh?

Well, this show has some excellent worldbuilding. That’s something I haven’t said in a few seasons…in this simulcast commentary, that is. Made in Abyss has good worldbuilding too. The only problem with this is…where did Phos’s gloves come from?

The eyecatch seems to be in English. Like Princess Principal last season.

The echo, I think, had a worse effect this time than when Kongo destroyed Phos.

“Don’t use that hand!” - LOL.

So Cinnabar’s poison creates amnesia and (an indirect need for) amputation, eh? What a duo of afflictions.

Well, it’s…actually pretty good. Let’s press on.

Anime-Gataris 1

I actually wanted to pass on this, but after seeing Karandi pass judgement on its second episode and seeing a Haruhi reference, I decided I would pass a judgement on it too. Well, it’s an anime about anime. What do you expect, really?

Hahaha…Oarai is known for being popularised by Girls und Panzer, so Galtan is short for Girls with Tanks.

Haritaro = Hamtaro, Dezumon = Digimon, PreFae = PreCure. Haha, it’s an anime watcher’s paradise of parody anime!

“Double riding is illegal.” - I think that’s a reference to the first episode of Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun and the tandem bike.

Fish??? Wuh???

Aw. That fakeout, I was hoping for it to be A Certain Magical Index or something.

Geez, typical School Council Pres with optional Ethereal Glow. Now available in Blonde too, it seems.

Sebastian Michaelis right there.

The teacher just did the flippin’ Ringo (from UtaPri) intro! Holy gender-barriers, Roppongi is a man??? Why I don’t react like that to Ringo, I’ll never know.

The “I should go by myself” bit is also from UtaPri, IIRC. The bit where one of the boys reveals he’s actually the star Haruka likes.

Obvious Chuunibyou with extra Fake Magic. Geesh, if it weren’t for the anime references…I really wouldn’t be covering this…

That’s my face when people talk about anime, LOL. Hero School = Boku no Hero Academia while R:Zero is Re:Zero.

Shika = deer, hence the weird deer. I don’t know what the references around the Shikabari one are, though, including the fence jump.

You picked a fight with the wrong anime lover, Anime-Gataris (I specialise in recent anime, for obvious reasons)! Tamukeda = Tanakeda (Tanaka-kun wa Itsumo Kedaruge) and Toramiko = Kumamiko. Clearly someone doesn’t remember that Kumamiko was a controversial flop, anime-wise.

Bakusou = Bakuon. Therefore, Shikabari is probably…Kiznaiver? No, it’s Kabaneri. That’s the best match, considering we’re talking about spring 2016. Time Travel Shonen = Time Travel Shoujo. Still don’t get the fence jump though.

Kyou Kara Sessha Wa!! = Kyou Kara Ore Wa!!, where “sessha” is an pronoun for…I think it’s older males. Angel Story = Angel Legend (Angel Densetsu).

The OVA references went over my head again…

Gachiemon = Doraemon, naturally. Nobue = Nobita and Karashi = Takeshi (Gouda). Well, while looking for the Gachiemon movie, I found Reddit spoiling it all for me. Refer to it if you don’t want me doing it for you, because I’m going to...ignore it! Haha, you thought I was going to use it as a crutch now, didn’t you? I like this challenge.

The dog one is A Dog of Flanders, Everstrike is Evangelion. I thought the Cinnamon Roll one would be the not-often-mentioned Powerpuff Girls anime  but Reddit says it’s Dragon Ball??? Autumn Wars = Summer Wars.

Light music club = K-On, classical literature club = Hyouka, NJ club = GJ Club.

The cover of this magazine appears to be Newtype or Animage, which I think both started around the 70s or 80s. That’s definitely Urusei Yatsura on the front, though.

The Girl who Slept Through Time = The Girl who Leapt Through Time and Replica…Paprika, perhaps? (Think I was recalling Reddit there.)

Is that…a Boueibu reference?! Or is that just a cliché…? (If it’s a cliché, I’d feel sad, man.)

I feel like the video quality seems to warp a little at infrequent moments. It’s quite disappointing for a 2017 anime to be suffering from strange visual problems like that.

There’s a KonoSuba poster…sort of.

Maria Clara doesn’t look like anything I’ve seen although it does kind of look like Hatsune Miku or Elsword.

Dang that fakeout, I thought she meant the beret.

I feel like this is best binged to get at all the references, so onto the on hold pile it goes. I think its plot will be cliché but its references are the best thing about it.

Idolmaster 1

Time to thin out the herd! This’ll be tough, since all the contenders I’ve kept have the potential to be great.

The pun here is that 315 (saikou) can mean “the highest”, or in this case, “the best”.

The eyeless producer (and Saito, by the by) was probably a bad idea.

Hey, it’s a 315 business card!

The cardboard boxes say “Bear Mark Moving Company” (Kuma no Ma-ku no Hikkoshi Kaisha).

Ooh! I like ponytail boy. I have a thing for bishies with ponytails.

“Handwriting” is probably the wrong word for a typed contract, CR subbers.

An odd juxtaposition between lawyer (or any other job) and an idol. That’s what piqued my interest about this idol anime specifically – because there is clearly going to be some dirty stuff that comes to light once characters have debuted as idols, and the more disconnect between the past and the present, the more the paps are gonna eat it up. At least, that’s my thoughts, having written Half-Paid Heroes. (I’m currently not sure if I should continue on HPH though, since I had a fight with fellow Honeyfeed writer Aura…).

Nice shirt, Teru (LOL).

When Kaoru broke the cheery atmosphere, Teru’s shirt suddenly said roiya (“lawyer” in katakana, transposed to hiragana).

Dandou literally translates to “male way”. It’s actually hilarious since it sounds really macho…in a bishie show intended to capture a female audience.

“I want us to work together…”

Does this producer have a name? I get the feeling he doesn’t. Maybe, instead of that woman producer they were hinting at at the end of Side Jupiter (was that a woman?), it was this guy.

Sakuraba’s being kind of awkward on the side with his fistpump. I like him.

“Then from now on, the three of you…”

If you know me from Boueibu, you’ll know the line Saito says should actually be “Boys be ambitious”.

The board up the back of the Dramatic Stars’ party says “Celebrate! Dramatic Stars’ Formation”…or something like that, anyway…(Happoro beer, LOL.)

Oh, it’s Hokuto, Shouta and Touma from Jupiter.

It’s this shot from last episode. Oh, okay. It’s kinda like Death Parade in that there are two backstories leading to the same ending shown in ep 1.

What’s with those 17 badges, guys???

This frog mascot looks kinda funny in a (LOL) sort of way. I think Ume’s character will be in a unit with the shota that likes this frog mascot, so…good on me.

At least “Drive a live” doesn’t sound as bad as “Burny!!” or “Crazy Baby Show”, namewise. It does, however, sound like a slogan for a drink-driving government prevention scheme.

I think Ume’s character is the guy behind the counter, although I’m a bit sketchy on that. We’ll see in a few eps.

I think I’ve probably been missing out on something by not listening to the trio with the music. Even though I threw the others out based on visuals and plot, an idol/band show is nothing without its music, so I’ll put Idolmaster on hold so that I don’t become too attached to any of the trio and maybe someday I can evaluate TsukiPro vs Idolmaster better.