#he had very little social skills as it was before solitary confinement

[unknownsoldiers]

There are no friends on this blog,

just enemies that haven’t met Lieutenant yet.

[mypointerfinger]

August 8, 2024, 12:00am

i think i’m nearing the end of my tenure.

i don’t mean to be a pessimist about everything, but it’s a hard ideology to escape. being raised by the internet is the worst thing to happen to me, and most likely will lead to me leaving. my parents marriage has been strained since before i have memories. so many bad times marking me from my childhood and teen years. what sort of life is spent wondering “what if?” for the better part of your days.

i’m still miserable, i still work at the job i hate. every drive has been a nightmare, not for traffic but for being alone with myself. i’m torturing myself. my thoughts are becoming slower and more focused, but on death and how worthless i am. my 23rd birthday passed a week ago, and i saw a tweet a few days after it, something like “always talking about getting your life together, bro you’re 22 it’s too late.” stuff like that sticks with me. we both know it’s a joke, you and i, but many jokes come from half truths. my brain compartmentalizes everything negative at the absolute forefront of every instance, and that little stupid post has bothered me for almost a week.

i didn’t feel loved growing up. i felt like i was fucking everything up, but never had anyone to look to for help. my parents chastised my mistakes but didn’t offer help in how i could do better next time. i would just be catching insults and having to figure it out myself. (i havent figured anything out.) i remember plenty of times trying to hide from them and the abuse, and while i’m thankful it was never physical, mentally i am scarred 100%. almost exactly 8 years ago, i was sitting in the closet behind me as i write this. my dog just died, and i had nobody to look to for comfort in the house. my mom was having a breakdown in the living room and my dad had just gotten home to join in. i was shaking and crying and remember how badly i wished Hussar was there with me. it’s a weird thing to deal with these things, always bringing the severity down when it really fucked my life up, you know? i didn’t develop any real skills as a kid, i begged my parents to let me quit everything they signed me up for, i didn’t have friends in person and didn’t know how to make them. i feel hopeless socially. i am terrified of people. moreso fearful i’ll like weird in front of them, or that i’ll be too over the top in the moment and push people away. me emotional maturity is nonexistent and wish that i was capable of working on it, i just have no clue where to begin. it’s like trying to learn a language without hearing or reading it, no foundation and no concept of what to even aim for.

truth be told i rambled the last half of that paragraph to avoid talking about the real shit: i thought about writing a note tonight. i’m starting to feel irredeemably hopeless, i lost the small amount of hope i had left that i honestly didn’t know was there. for people not in my shoes, it’s difficult to portray the feeling of just wishing to not be here. i don’t wanna experience death, i don’t wanna give up, but at some point the mental anguish i’m experiencing is piling up and overflowing. i wish i treated my mother better. it’s a funny thing being so conflicted about the person who’s supposed to be your world. like, “oh how can you wish to be kinder to someone who abused you?” the old saying—hurt people hurt people—is appropriate. my mother grew up with abusive parents herself, they were drinkers. on top of the abuse, i don’t remember if i mentioned it or not, but she’s very lonely, almost in a similar spot to me. we both are in constant solitary confinement. my dad seems unfazed but he’s a military man, and of us 3 he gets the most social interaction. i’m starting to tangent again, but the point being.. i have a lot of things i haven’t forgiven myself for yet. some days i feel like i’m intrinsically supposed to be evil, maybe i should be selling fentanyl or murdering innocent people for the thrill so good people have a job to do. maybe my purpose is to be the villain. as insane and illogical as that sounds, it’s a true side of my thoughts that i wish i didn’t have. the more logical side says that’s a stupid fucking plan.

i have a couple social gatherings coming up, i’m gonna see some friends from grade school and their friends from high school. i’ve only met two of them in person before and i’m horrified to meet the others. i don’t wanna be weird. we play games online and i’m still letting me frustration out on there. almost every night, i get off the computer feeling like a coward and a freak. at the bare minimum, my passtimes should be fun, but even simple things like video games are just.. i take them so seriously that i get blinded by rage. i punched my desk so hard earlier i gashed my fist open. i said a bunch of horrible shit like every other day, and not even because i really want that for someone else. i’d never genuinely wish for someone’s death. but i still say horrible shit that just is so fucking embarrassing. it’s exhausting, i feel like 2 completely different people some days. like, how can i go from a perfectly fine experience on Tuesday, having a good time, performed well, didn’t say anything crazy, to tonight. tonight, where i blew up and said i wished some random person hung himself in his closet. it’s funny to reread some of this stuff because i can’t even believe that it bothers me so much to the point i say such vulgar stuff. i think i brought my parents up because it’s a partial problem from how i was raised. you reflect who your parents are to an extent and my dad has always been prone to anger, my mom is severely mentally unstable. what a culmination! right?

for my last spew of bullshit.. (and no, i’m not gonna do anything to myself tonight)

i feel like my mind never slows down. the internet really has brought my mind to a place of dopamine dependency. TikTok, YT Shorts, top 5-10 lists, fast flashy advertisements. just EVERYTHING all feels like it’s limiting my attention span, and in turn, makes my brain crave for that next hit. the problem i got with that is how i don’t get a hit anymore from ANYTHING. the combo of my mental state and the fast pace that my thoughts are running at causes me to perpetually be negative to myself. i have days i can’t even look in the mirror because the voice in my head is gonna just start commenting on every slight imperfection. there’s no literal voice in my head, moreso it’s a dialogue between me and myself. the sheer impulse and violence that vibes from my brain needing dopamine is ruining my life, and as of now i have no power to control it. i need a mentor, maybe electroshock therapy or whatever my doc said. since sort of meth treatment or something where they give you tranquilizer and it alters your brain chemistry.

disjointed post but i don’t care, documenting my thoughts is what matters more than anything to me right now. this is probably great for the attention span thing. i’m never beating the loser allegations

love j

[ineffectualdemon]

TW: ABLEISM AND INSTITUTIONAL CHILD ABUSE AND MENTIONS OF RACISM

Just found out about the "special programs" that schools in America have for people with things like ADHD which are...horrific

I knew things were really bad in American schools especially if the students are black or indigenous but holy shit

Fucking solitary confinement and padded cells for fucking 6 year olds because they are having a meltdown! That's horrific abuse!

Jesus.

We had a kid in Kiddos year who was on the autistic spectrum and he had a lot of meltdowns and could get very aggressive. To the point where the other kids were scared of him (this started in reception so the kids were like 4)

The school obtained a special aid who worked with him specifically and helped him work through things or walk away before a meltdown and they also started a "friendship group" in year 2 where kids volunteered to take part in a group that taught basic social skills (kiddo took part) and the kids ended up not being scared of this kid and he ended up getting through the school with very little issue and a number of friends

Locking him in a padded cell would not have helped him at ALL

What the FUCK America!

And honestly while I was already horrified and shocked about tiny black children being arrested or handcuffed and I know the level of abuse disabled black kids get even without the police getting called must be even worse then what I've heard about already from white victims of these so called "special programs"

I feel sick

[domesticsns]

Yo!I love your work!❤️❤️Btw,may I ask about Tobirama's background story? Did his parents force him to attend the military school like Sasuke's dad did? How did Tobirama's brother die?

 Thank you so much for your support. I am so happy you enjoy this story.  Tobirama is kinda out of character from the manga because 1. I couldn’t do much with Tobirama from the original Naruto series and 2. he was hot so I used him anyway and spun my own twist to is so yeah haha just saying. 

Anyway Tobirama’s tragic backstory. 

So he came from a family of six. His father was a very aggressive man. He worked in the army as a sergeant but was dishonorably discharged. The exact reason behind it always stayed a mystery to Tobirama. He then worked as a mall surveillance to get by but he was too pissed off about life and he took his anger out on his family. He beat his wife, he beat his children. Mostly it was Hashirama getting the full blow because he always tried to protect everyone. He was the oldest of the four sons, but still very young. He was just a teenager. Tobirama and his two younger brothers were barley pre-teens. Tobirama has a big hatrard for his father, but he also could not stand his mother for staying with a men like that. Letting him beat her or her children. How she averts her gaze when he kicks his own children in the guts. 

Situation got so bad one day. Their father was beating their mother so much Hashirama jumped in and Tobirama hid his two little brothers under their beds before rushing down stairs but he wasn’t ready for what he saw or rather said heard. He could literally hear the bones of his mother’s skull break and Hashirama screaming. A sound he never forgot ever again and still makes his stomach twist. Hashirama passed out. The police arrived at their house shortly and arrested the men after some bystander had called, hearing the screams coming from the house. 

Hashirama went to the hospital and he was in a coma from the beating he took. His mother had died that day. Tobirama and his two brothers were send to an orphanage on the other side of the country. They couldn’t see their oldest brother, they never heard if he even woke up. The orphanage was very crowded and underfund. They were going to be separated from each other and put in different foster homes but Tobirama didn’t want his two younger brother’s to be away from him. There was a solution, maybe too good to be true. There is a military boarding school that accepts pre-teens into their programme. It was their only option of staying together but they had to go to otogakure and Tobirama accepted. Like how bad could it really be? It could never be worse than what they have been through and in this way they could stay together instead of being seperated and all across the country. 

Thinking back of it there were a ton of warning signs Tobirama had not thought of at the time, being too desperate to keep his brothers with him. There should have been a major red sign when the social worker got an envelope with money pushed in her hands for “signing three recruits”. Kawarama and Tobirama started their first year in this academy while their youngest brother, Itama was for now receiving his middle school education in the same school. With exhausting training but it was less intensive and bad as the four years of the real academy. 

It was there when Tobirama noticed how wrong he was. He blamed himself till this day because he should have known better, he should have thought it through more. Their existence was erased from the records in Konoha and till the very end Tobirama didn’t even know if his older brother was alive or not. 

He tried his best to protect both his brothers. He was more focussed Kawarama since he was in immediate danger being in the same class. While training Itama to learn to protect himself. His brothers were not as big of a protogé as Tobirama was in all the combat training. What strived Tobirama was protecting his brothers it is all he wanted. He might have not been able to save Hashirama from their father but he was going to get out of the academy with both his brothers he was going to make sure of that. Naturally it also gave him a huge weakness that Danzo exploited a lot. His love for his brothers was his ultimate weight holding him back from his true potential of becoming a top assassin. He used Kawarama’s to push Tobirama forward. He had used him to teah Tobirama a lesson multiple times. If he was unable to do something, injuring Kawarama was the push Danzo used to get Tobirama to a level of what he wishes all his student could get to. 

Meanwhile years passed and Itama and Sasuke were in the same class and even though Itama had an advantage over his classmates from being in the academy for his pre-academy years and had training. His heart was too soft to actually hurt anybody or put himself above others. This made him weak. During a survival test the first years were ditched inside a forest and they had to find their way back to the academy only inside the gates would they be safe from the actual max prison criminals that were released to hunt them down. And not only to kill them, but to do anything as they pleased with them, everything was on the table, killing was consider merciful. As they were ditched there Sasuke and Itama crossed paths and Sasuke, having a soft spot for the kid because he reminds him of Naruto’s good heart, teamed up with him to make sure he was safe. They worked well together for a few days living of the forest. Itama knew a lot about plants and what they could eat and what not. He knew this because his eldest brother liked plants. He told Sasuke his real name instead of his ranking number. Itama told Sasuke about how he got to the academy and Sasuke opened up to the boy too and told him how he got there. 

Inside the forest it was their bad luck they faced a few of the criminals. They got lucky a lot and Sasuke managed to fight them off and Itama trapped a few with his skills in setting traps. They were reaching the end of the forest and they could see the gates of the school. They did not know back then that it was only logical for the enemy to be waiting there to attack, knowing they had to pass there to even get to the gates. Itama got impaled in his guts. Sasuke could see the men cut the child open and his abdomens just falling out of his body. It was a horrific sight. Sasuke held Itama in his arms, not knowing what to do he just shoved the guts back inside him somehow thinking it would work if he just stopped the bleeding. Itama died only minutes later and Sasuke couldn’t comprehend this, he thought if he brought Itama back, if he got his body to the emergency room he could be safed. Somebody could save him for sure.

It was difficult to get out of the forest. let along drag a body with you. He wasn’t capable of killing the man that had done this to Itama, but he managed to out smart him and get away. He dragged Itama’s body with him to the academy and it was there that Tobirama saw his little brother. He had cried so loudly and agonisingly. Nobody could really watch as he held his younger brother in his arms, stroking his cheeks as he just screamed. 

Itama was dead and there was nothing anybody could do.  Sasuke was thrown two weeks in solitary confinement because he was being punished for his action. 

Tobirama only had one brother left and he was going to protect him even it meant he would die in the progress. They had one last year to go before the graduate and could get out of this shit hole. He thought he really could at least have Kawarama. The only family he had left. However, in order to graduate one must be without weaknesses, a cold blooded killer that could accomplish any assignment. 

Tobirama, although very skilled was not without weakness. His brother was his weakness. Danzo knew this and so for Tobirama to graduate and be Danzo standard pupil. He had to get rid of Kawarama. Now it was not very simple because he couldn’t let the two fight it out and let the most worthy go. Obviously Tobirama was the better student and he would kill himself if it meant getting Kawarama out. He needed to know why caring about people was a sign of weakness and he tied Tobirama up. His legs and armed shackled, a collar around his neck. Tobirama figured they were going to torture him to keep the secrets of the academy, since he had shown no interest in going with any ‘job’ offers Danzo gave. He wanted to get out of Otogakure even if it meant being homeless for a while. 

What he did not expect was seeing two of his classmates push Kawarama in the room and just beat him up. Right in front of Tobirama. Tobirama struggled desperately against the chains. They were beating Kawarama up, they were cutting him and torturing him. Kawarama was calling out for Tobirama, pleading his brother to safe him. Tobirama struggled so hard against his chains he still had to this day the red marks around his neck, wrists and ankles.He struggled so much he passed out from the lack of oxygen to his brain. Only to wake up seeing his brother’s dead body in front of him. He was forced to look at it for two days before being released. He was broke, crushed...Just a flame that was burned out.

He graduated. He left. He wandered the streets. He wanted to die but killing felt like a too good of a release for what he has done. He had to suffer, he caused two of his brothers to die. He couldn’t safe any of his brothers. He reached Konoha where he wanted to see his eldest brother’s grave, he assumed he was dead. Only to do some light investigating and finding out Hashirama was alive. He was alive in Konoha and this sparked something in Tobirama again and he found his older brother, owning a little plant shop...Where he sold bonsai’s. He walked inside and just looked at Hashirama in a little apron, looking tall and strong and he smiled his usual smile. Hashirama looks at Tobirama, there is something familiar about the costumer. He looks like his younger brother only...This guy was super pale and skinny and had these red marks on his face and these red marks around his neck ..Not to mention he was white hair. But the eyes were just like Tobirama. 

Tobirama whispers; “Brother...” and it just clicked in Hashirama and Tobirama fainted in the shop. He woke up later and heard Hashirama’s side of the story. He woke up from his coma after 6 months and he tried finding his brothers but it was as if they disappeared from the earth. After a few years of trying he assumed they all died and it pained him so much. Tobirama told Hashirama what had happened and how Itama and Kawarama have died and like nothing had changed and they were a bunch of children scared of their abusive father...Hashirama hugged Tobirama and said nothing was going to happen to him again now that he was there. 

From there out he has not left Hashirama’s side. He worked in his plant shop for a little while before deciding to go to the police academy. The plant shop was just so boring. He became a cop, then detective. His brother got married to this sweet woman who uhm...Kinda has to accept Tobirama will always be in her life because he is not leaving his brother. But hearing why she understands compleetly and just says Hashirama came 1 + 1 free and then she point at Tobirama. She also makes the joke where she says “If you buy the brown one the white one comes extra!” 

Tobirama does not appreciate these jokes. 

The woman’s name is Mito and she had red hair and is a little scary at times. She is a little messy but she runs the shop with Hashirama and she has a kind heart. 

Tobirama is still left with a lot of trauma and PTSD. He can’t sleep more than three hours at the time. He needs to sleep in like intervals. He still has nightmares. He could never fall in love, he is overprotective of his older brother and even a little torn that cuts Hashirama’s finger and causes him to bleed can get Tobirama shaken. He can’t get any constriction around his neck or arms. Not only playful bondage, or messing around with cuffs. Even a watch around his wrist or a choker/ necklace around his neck can freak him out. Also just a firm hand wrapped around his wrist can do that. 

He never truly got over the death of his younger brothers, nor has he ever forgiven himself for it. He never visited his father in prison either. He can’t bring himself to. 

AND THAT IS TOBIRAMA’S TRAGIC BACKSTORY FOR Y’ALL! 

[red-wardens]

So if you don't mind me asking, can you tell me more about your Shepards please? I'd love to know more about them! Thank you very much =)

((hello new friend I would die for you. Thank you so much for asking, I’d love to talk about them! I wish I had screenshots but I played back in 2011-2012 and I don’t have my xbox-360 anymore sadly..))

———-

My Shepards 

Universe 1: Nicole Shepard

Aesthetic Board

Class: Soldier (Proficient in all weapon types but specializes in Sniper Rifles). Fighting Style: Utilizes all ammo types but especially fond of incendiary and disruptive. Prefers to kill enemies from a distance with sniper shots (she, Garrus, Thane, and Legion keep track who can get the most headshots) but is very skilled with an assault riffle when they close in. Main Combo: Adrenaline Rush + Incendiary Ammo + Concussive Shot

Background: Earthborn. She and her family grew up very poor in the Philippines, she developed thick skin and deft hands, eventually falling into a gang of mostly underage delinquent. One day when she’s 14 she tries to pickpocket the wrong man- David Anderson knocks her flat on her ass. Instead of turning her over to security though, he takes pity on her, takes her out for a walk. She’s suspicious at first but comes to warm up to him after he buys her food; she tells him her family can’t afford to send her to school. He offers to sponsor her if she joins the local pre-military highschool and she jumps at the chance. Spends the next few years trying to catch up to her peers in reading and socializing and basic training. When she turns 18 she enlists in the Alliance and Anderson is there, expecting her. They’ve been close like a father-daughter ever since. 

Service History: Sole Survivor on Akuze. Develops PTSD afterwards and is prone to anxiety and panic attacks, especially when driving in open terrain (has not killed any thresher maws in the Mako, always drives away). Takes medication regularly. 

Personality: About 75% Paragon and 25% Renegade. For the most part she’s real made a turn-around from her street rat life: she’s outspoken, altruistic, good-humored, and a loyal friend. Anderson believes in her so she wants to do right by him. She’s impulsive at times (takes more than a few Renegade trigger options) but she means well, has a soft spot for troubled kids. She’s an ambivert, really needing her alone time when she needs it, but enjoys meeting new people and doing a wide variety of activities with her crewmates (shooting practice with Thane, meditating with Samara, gossiping with Kasumi, etc). Doesn’t have much respect for the law so being a SPECTR suits her. A bit of a nerd, she read every single codex entry. 

Main Parties: Garrus and Tali (ME). Garrus and [other party members except Miranda rotated evenly] (ME2). Garrus and Tali (ME3). Romance: Garrus Vakarian (not her first Turian, but she loves him more than anything. They retire somewhere nice and warm after the war because I say so and they deserve it.)

Personal Headcanons: She has a baby face and looks younger than she is. She stole a pyjak from Tuchanka after Grunt’s loyalty mission and kept it as a pet for a few weeks- but the crew made her put it back because it kept getting into their food stores. Collected all the ship models and bought the automatic feeder because she couldn’t keep her fish alive. Bought Grunt an “I love my mom” shirt (he wears it). And..(because I personally love him), she had a short but intense affair with Nihlus Kryik starting nearly a year before the start of ME1. They met while both on shore leave and he was surprised later to see she was the candidate he was going to train. They didn’t have any labels for what they were, but they were very close and she spends the majority of ME1 grieving him; hunting down and killing Saren was personal for her. 

Universe 2: Annie Shepard

Aesthetic Board

Class: Soldier (Proficient in all weapon types but specializes in Shotguns and Melee). Fighting Style: Utilizes all ammo types but mainly uses cryo ammo. Rushes in hard and fast taking out enemies before they have much chance to fight back (has legit ran towards charging krogan). Main Combo: Fortification + Cryo Ammo + Frag Grenade or Melee Hit (Omni-Blade)

Background: Spacer. She was practically bred and raised to be a perfect little soldier. Her parents separated when she was 10 and she lived on a space station with her father who was a strict, hard-to-please drill-sergeant type. He worked her relentlessly, especially in hand-to-hand combat. Was home-schooled and not allowed to date or have friends. She was sent to the Alliance at age 18 and ranked at or near the top of her class or squad in everywhere she was assigned. 

Service History: “Ruthless” Butcher of Torfan, not much else to be said. She’s fearless, she gets the job done, she doesn’t care about casualties.

Personality: 95% Renegade, 5% Paragon (kept the Renegade scars). Growing up the way she did made her apathetic and solitary, tending to not get along with those who approach her due to her stoicism and cold sarcasm whenever she does talk. There’s very few whose company she actually enjoys, among the few: Wrex, Thane, and Javik. She’s cynical, taciturn, and not one to mince words. Not a great person but an exceptional soldier and Commander. 

Main Parties: Wrex and Kaidan (ME). Thane and Jack (ME2). Kaidan and Javik (ME3). Romance: Thane Krios.

Personal Headcanons: She’s on the shorter side for a soldier (only 5′4). She likes wearing hoodies and wrapping her hands before sparring (kicks James’butt at least weekly and never hold back). Annie’s never been romantically attracted to anyone before Thane, and develops an almost codependent attachment to him and his company. He brings her peace and can actually get her to smile when they’re alone. She’s never quite the same after his death, and was not happy to have survived the war. Less than two years later, she is confined to a psych hospital on Earth where Kolyat would often visit. She and him go off the grid and become vigilantes after he breaks her out. 

[multimuse-online]

Mobile Bio: Kasumi Toshiko

Toshiko’s, it a garage owned by one Kasumi Toshiko. The shop itself is located on the off-skirts away from some of the larger cities. Though it’s location is something that can easily be changed in each thread or universe. The shop has been heavily rumoured to hold some of the greatest mechanics of the world, Kasumi herself being at the centre of this rumour. As well as working in the world of mechanics, this shop is open for any repair, commission or job application. There is nothing that this shop cannot do should it’s employees’ put their minds to it. While it can be quite difficult to find, it’s services are certainly worth it.

The shop itself offers a range of services for it’s employees as well. There is an infirmary open with a medical bot on standby at all times as well as a training room for those wishing to take lessons in martial arts from the owner herself.

Age: 24

Sexuality: Bisexual

Gender: Female

Appearance: Kasumi has long brown hair, usually held in a plait that reaches as far as her waist. Her eyes are what is considered a rare amber colour and has a fairly muscular frame. She is only 5’3” making her very short but this is due to the weight of her metallic limbs pressing onto her bone structure. Her body is littered in various scars from a surgical scar across her stomach and the scars at her metal joinings. These scars come mainly from her accident while others come from various fights she has been involved in. Her prosthetics are military grade, making her faster and stronger than most ordinary people.

Personality: Kasumi is a rather socially awkward kind of woman, she’s quiet and finds it hard to get close to anyone. She’s very intelligent and works hard when needed but will not be forced to do anything. She has a stubborn and brutally honest shell but once you get to know her she can be sweet in her own way. She’s seen at her most content when something needs fixing as her metal limbs and upbringing have given her a great knowledge on mechanics and electronics.

Her temper is a very dangerous force when coupled with her strength as she won’t think twice about striking if she feels she herself or one of her workers is being threatened.

Likes: Spicy foods, a challenging repair, martial arts and generally being distracted.

Dislikes: Lightening and thunder (her metal limbs make her a living lightening conductor), people poking and prodding at her metal limbs without asking, being treated as if she has a handicap and blatant disrespect.

Biography: Kasumi was the daughter of a well-renowned mechanic named Satoshi Toshiko whom used to work for a government branch in his youth developing many of the weapons used by national armies today. However, it was kept quiet what his work was being used for, he wasn’t aware that his designs and creations were being used as weapons and it was upon finding out that he deserted and started up his own workshop with his wife Hana and fathered two children.

Kasumi was the eldest of the two children and she had a younger sister by the name of Tenshi whom she loved dearly. Tenshi was a very sickly child and was always emotionally attached to her mother even after Hana left with most of Satoshi’s money, exclaiming how Tenshi’s hospital bills were a pain to pay for. Even at the young age of five, Tenshi blamed herself for her mother leaving and Kasumi began to hate the woman she had once thought of as a mother. After that, Kasumi would be even closer to Tenshi, as if trying to protect her from everything and everyone. Even at school Kasumi had no friends because she always had her little sister with her.

One day when they were taking their usual route home from school by some train lines, a train derailed and headed straight towards them and in an attempt to save her sister’s life Kasumi threw herself in front of her and took most of the blow. However, her sister perished due to her already bad health and Kasumi’s left arm and right leg had to be amputated as they had been torn to shreds in the accident. In order to help her, her father fashioned some advanced mechanical prosthetics and connected her nerves to them. It was easy considering it was part of the research he had been doing in his younger years though thankfully he had managed to swipe it and wipe away all evidence so the branch could never use it.

Recovering was a painful process for Kasumi. Her injuries didn’t fully heal until a year after her incident and even then her mind was still far too damaged. The sight she had seen had caused her sanity to unravel and thus begun the four year rehabilitation in the hospital’s psychiatric ward. She hated it there, she spent the first year screaming at herself for what she had done and a further two years in a solitary confinement, being sedated for violent outbursts. It wasn’t until her final year, when she began to mature that she realised she wasn’t going to get better by simply sitting around with people just as scarred as she was. She pushed down her trauma and while she was incapable of completely blocking it out, she was capable of masking her emotions. She built up wall over emotional wall to try and hide the scarred and maddened young girl she really was. Then, against her Doctor’s orders, she insisted that she was discharged.

She decided to try and live her life to the fullest, not only for her but for her sister. But it seemed the more she tried, the more bitter she became. School life became difficult for her as she was teased often for her ‘handicap’ so she started getting into many fights and getting kicked out of school. Eventually she decided to stay out of school and work with her father, after all the classes seemed to be far too easy for her.

She left home at the age of 17 when her father perished of an unknown illness and she decided to travel the world. Though it would be better described as wandering. After a long while, Kasumi decided to settle and build her own shop. Before building her shop, she helped with the restoration of many homes and other buildings to gain a reputation. When her shop was built, she started looking for a workforce that she knew would stick with her and she could teach as her father did her.

So far, she has a very large workforce but those she is most close to are Takashi, Ryuu, Akiko and Ko.

Trivia: - In bad weather, specifically with low temperatures Kasumi’s stumps begin to ache from the change in temperature.

- She keeps a picture of her sister attached to the inside of the main panel on her left arm, so that whenever she has to perform maintenance she can remind herself who she’s living for.

- Kasumi carries around specific painkillers for when her stumps may begin to ache whether it be from cold weather or the intense training she likes to do.

- On any severe maintenance jobs, Kasumi will detach the limb that needs working on. The only issue when she has to do it herself is that she is unable to connect the nerves again on her own and needs to ask for help. It is when the nerves are connecting that she is seen at her most vulnerable.

- Kasumi is absolutely terrified of hospitals and Doctors. She will freeze in their presence and the walls she built will begin falling at a terrifying rate.

- She has developed a slight immunity to normal sedatives given how often she had to be sedated during her psychotic episodes in the institution. She is not completely immune however, she just needs a higher dosage than most.

Verses

- Pre-Accident Kasumi (Age 5-8)

Child Kasumi before the accident that took her arm and leg, she had shaggy hair and a loving personality and loves her father and sister very much. Very talkative. Her hair is in a short bob above her shoulders.

- Post-Accident/Hospital Patient Kasumi (Age 9-13)

Following the accident that took her arm and leg, she is silent and staying in the mental ward of the hospital. She has violent spells and is often kept in solitary and under large amounts of sedatives. Her hair is a short bob at her shoulders.

- Post-Accident Teen Kasumi (Age 14-17)

Kasumi is out of the hospital and living with her father. She is still silent and unsure of people. She keeps herself busy by working on her father’s unfinished projects and teaching herself different skills. Her hair reaches the middle of her back, she wears a ponytail.

- On the Road Kasumi (Age 18-21)

Following her father’s death, Kasumi has decided to travel the world as she cannot bear to stay in her home country. She has learned a variety of different languages but still suffers from thick anxiety around people. Cannot stay in a crowded place for too long. Her hair is down to her waist in a long plait.

- Shop Kasumi (Age 24)

Kasumi as she is mentioned in her bio. She runs her own shop and runs repairs with her small team of employees. Her hair is down to her knees in a long plait.

- Battle Royale Kasumi (Age 27)

Following an assault on her shop by a rival shop; Kasumi’s shop was burned down and she finally decided to take matters into her own hands. Following an epiphany in the wreckage of her shop the code within her father’s blueprints finally made sense.

The blueprints were for a large weapon that could attach onto a modified limb. Kasumi spent two years working on it and she finally modified her metallic limbs. Rather than just the piston to ease the pressure in her limbs, they now release steam as well. The weapon itself is a large cannon which she straps to her back. Her metal arm folds back at the forearm and the cannon piece clicks into place. It is a formidable weapon and one she quite easily used on the rival shop (when they weren’t inside of course).  

Her hair is in a short bob above her shoulders; and dyed purple. She has also finally altered her father’s coat to fit her.

She also carries a series of devices to help in battle; such as a device that creates multiple holograms of herself.

[tumblunni]

Okay the BIG TODAY THING

It seems i might possibly be gone for six months

I've been talking with my support worker about taking a course at this place thats uhh apparantly gonna help me get better with the depressions and stuff. And we had a meeting to go look around the place and make introductions and stuff but i had NO IDEA it would be all such short notice! I might have to move in IN TWO DAYS FROM NOW, what the fuck!!! And like if its not that its gonna be at the end of the week or next tuesday at the latest. Im so fuckin unprepared and im really freakin out!!

..uhh...how to describe it..well i guess its literally a mental asylum? But it's absolutely NOTHING like the horror movie stereotype! Its not a hospital with cages or locked rooms, its just like a big comfy cute shared house. Like a bunch of completely normal small apartment rooms but they just happen to be all connected to a shared kitchen and stuff and have on site nurses and a big schedule of therapy sessions and group activities like pottery class or bowling. You have the freedom to come and go as you please if you're on "voluntarily admitted" status (that's me!) and even if you're on what they call "sectioned" its still not scary loss of all your freedom. The highest level of sectioning is just like "requires an escort"? You're still allowed to go outside but you have a higher level of supervision from your key worker because you could potentially be a danger to yourself. But that's very rare and most people are only on maximum sectioning for a few weeks at the start of their treatment, if they've come straight from a situation of self harm or other concern factors. Most of the "sectioned" patients just have a time limit on how long they can spend on unsupervised outside activity. It's a pretty generous 8 hours apparantly!

So yeah i was getting worried about nothing, thinking i was gonna be in big scary solitary confinement and locked inside a tiny broom closet or jabbed with brain lazers. It honestly just seems like a summer camp resort for adults! And everyone there seems very nice, and im excited for being able to learn life skills like cooking and potential steps towards getting educational qualifications someday. And to have the help of a more specialist support worker who can assist me with even the smallest little problems. Like this nice lady Tazmin (who might be the one i get?) was saying how they've had other people with social anxiety before, and how we could plan "gradual exposure" to all the things that scare me. Like she said she'd be able to come with me and we'd take the bus and them get off at the next stop. That'd honestly be really helpful to help me get over being scared of the crowded spaces on buses, but i'd never be able to do it normally cos i'd be too embarassed taking such a short bus ride. Plus well itd be a waste of money,but if i'm a patient here i would get a free bus pass so it wouldnt be a problem.

Oh and the area seems really nice! Its so different from my stupid house right now in a crowded neighbourhood with NOTHING but houses everywhere for a mile! Its seriously almost a mile's walk to the ONE SINGULAR SHOP IN THE AREA and they close on sundays and dont sell vegetarian food. :( This area around the shared house thingie is a really nice bustling shops place but not super shops? Like i mean its a lovely village that has all the small shops you need, not a huge skyscrapers busy tourist place. The perfect balance of conveinient and not scary! They have a library and a park so close to the place, and a bazillion charity shops holy FUCK im so excited to have charity shops again!! I think you call them thrift shops in america? But i just always really love bargain hunting and finding nice surprises in places like that! And there's places to do pottery classes and group trips sometimes to do stuff like cinema or bowling or just having your big ol scary therapy meeting at the nice coffee shop at the end ot the road.

So yeah dont worry about me guys, im not trapped in some horribke hell place! I'm sure it'll be as non threatening as an Intensive Therapy Boot Camp can possibly be, im just still nervous as hell cos well yeah I Have Social Anxiety And That Is Why I Am Here In The First Place. Im scared im not gonna be able to succeed at this. I really wanna leave at the end and be all mentally buffed up and ready to make all these nice nurses proud!

Oh and man Richard has been so nice about this?? He was super freaked out and apologetic about it being Scary Short Notice, we had a bit of a dumb misunderstanding where he clearly told me and i clearly said yes but i somehow completely misunderstood what he was saying and thought i was saying yes to something else??? So im so fuckin glad that at the very end of the appointment right when i was gonna get out the car he was like 'oh so remember your suitcase on wednesday' and i was like WHAT. Like man can you imagine how much more terrifying it would have been if i just turned up on wednesday with no supplies but the shirt off my back and was like 'wtf where is he driving me OH GOD NO'. Bunni why you so bad at the good of talking!! Seriously richard thanks so much for clearing it up but also AAAAA i accidentally agreed to the shortest of short notice and i dont know if he's gonna be able to reschedule it!!!

And man i was there crying in his car about how i dont wanna be in hospital on my birthday, and babbling all the different things i had planned fot the next few months. And GOD DAMN MY DUMB BRAIN i ended up blurting out that i had a preorder of a videogame that i was gonna miss. And i straight up started explaining pokemon to my mental health counseller who is also a dj, how damn fake does my life sound?? Anyway he said that i'll still be able to keep him as my support worker when i get back out of this, and we'll still have weekly or monthly meetings while i'm in there. And he keeps reminding me that i'm free to leave if i feel uncomfortable, but i know that i'd feel like a failure if i did! So he legit fuckin goddamn said (THIS SOUNDS SO FAKE) that i could take a day off when the dumb game comes out, and he'd play co op pokemon with me. HOLY GEEZUS RICHARD YOU'RE LIKE THAT HOLY GRAIL OF THERAPISTS! And man he even said it wasnt embarassing for me to sleep with a teddy bear and he'd help me pack it up safe and ensure nobody saw it while we move my bags into my new room. And then i was like "uhh but also the teddy bear is a giant lifesize embarassing pokemon merchandise" and he was like "okay so we need DOUBLE STEALTH". Apparantly the new sequel to Pokemon Go is Pokemon Sneak! God he helped calm me down from this freakout so much, he's always great with lil jokes and motivational sayings. And i talked about how i first started being interested in Obscure Deep Sea Slug Facts because pokemon has some characters based on weird real life animals, and like its Very Educational Honest, And Has Appeal For Both Kids And Adults. How on earth did this turn into Motovational Pokemon Blabber Time??? Anyway thats how i ended up texting a professional psychologist pictures of gastrodon at 7.30pm.

SO

Yeah

In summary

I'm mostly just worried cos this is short notice! And cos its such a big commitment that being short notice is Super Bad. I need to friggin clean the whole house top to bottom in two days, so it doesnt get all gross and attract flies while im gone. And i need to toss out like a hundred bucks worth of frozen food that aint gonna keep for 6 months. And i need to wash all my damn clothes. And i dont even have a suitcase and this is at a terrible time where i dont get paid for a week so i cant buy a new one right now!! And damn i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TAKE AAAAAA

And the BIGGEST PROBLEM

Is that i wont be able to talk to you guys for half a year!!!

They dont have wifi and im not allowed to take my computer anyway. They only allow laptops and all i have is a desktop and AAAA its too short notice to save up enough to get a laptop mannnnn! Fuck man i didnt even think about that, i need to go pause my broadband internet for six months, do they even allow you to come back after that long?? And man part of me wants to ask to borrow money from friends to get a laptop but i know this time i cant promise to pay you back within the month cos AAAGH ALL OF THIS SHIT!! Like damn man if anyone is willing to let me pay back a hundred and fifty quid in 6 months??not bloody likely!! And man the only place to get a laptop in TWO GODDAMN DAYS is stupid fuckin Amazon :( but god im gonna go stir crazy being unable to do art or gamemaking or friggin anything to occupy myself!! I can bring my 3ds but i barely have any games for it and ive already finished all of them except harvest moon a new beginning which i quit cos it was bad. And the screen is broken anyway gahhh. SO MANY THINGS I NEED MONEY FOR IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME THAT IS NON CONDUCTIVE TO MONEYING

So anyway GAHH i wont have an internet connection in the house, and i'll be able to walk down the hill and use the library computers hopefully at least weekly, but they forbid all social media sites. So like can i get the emails of everyone who wants to keep in contact? Man i dont know how im gonna manage this AAAAA!!! i will send u loads of pics of scenic asylum beauty and dumb updates on my stupid life of probably very little progress.

And AGGGHHH i dont even have the time to plan a blog queue or anything fuck man geez aaaaaaaa

I NEED TO BUY A NEW PAIR OF TROUSERS WITHOUT HOLES IN THE KNEES man i cant live on singular pantage in a shared house

[robertjameshomeservices]

Maintaining Life Balance In An Unbalance World

We live in a time of the most rapid change the world has ever experienced. It feels like everything is changing constantly. Families are under many pressures; both externally and internally. Have you ever felt like your world is charging so quickly that you just can’t keep up with it?

At times, it probably feels like you are constantly chasing a moving target; and it’s totally unreachable. Like a greyhound chasing a mechanical rabbit that just keeps going faster. The speed of these changes is making it even harder to maintain the balance between your family and business life.

Robert James and James Home Services are now connected to the virtual world 24/7.  The family life is not as clearly separated from the business world as it used to be. Social media has changed the way we build relationships and how we spend our family time.

Let’s add another layer to this. The reality is that your own personal world is changing as well. Over the next few years, things will change in your family life. You may get married, you may get divorced. Maybe your family will grow—perhaps you will have your first child, or your fourth; or your first-born may leave home.

It’s even possible that you could lose your current job or start a new business. You may become a millionaire or you might even go bankrupt. Maybe your parents will pass or you lose a child. How about you finally write that book you’ve always been planning to write? You may just take up yoga or decide to eat healthier and lose weight. On top of all of this, there are the things that other people do or don’t that you cannot control, that can certainly put your world in a spin.

It is true that the world is changing, but more importantly your own world is changing. Some of these changes are by your choice while others are beyond your control. All these factors impact the daily balance in your family and work life.

The danger is that the urgent things tend to get in the way of the important things. Every day, you make decisions about your priorities. We can free fall through the days or we can make conscious decisions that decide how we spend our days.

You may feel like you have a handle on this. You’ve got the business; you have a plan, the education, the family, the cash, you are “the man” or “the woman”. You are ready for everything, you have the life. But what does your family think? Does your partner agree? What about your son or daughter? Or, have you still not gotten around to having that first child you’ve both always wanted? What about your own “other” goals, the book or your own health?

Oops, just take a few minutes to check yourself. Are all the balls still in the air or have you dropped a couple? Seriously, just do it, before something or someone external rocks your world and that makes you revaluate your family/work balance.

As humans, we have a true desire to have meaningful relationships with other humans; we are a herd animal by nature. Solitary confinement is the worst punishment you can do to a human. So, when we are out of balance with the key relationships in our lives, it rocks us on many levels. You must actively manage this balance in this world of constant change.

The real secret to this is having a handle on your own personal ethics. Those things that are really, truly important to you in the long run. Then always act within your personal ethics. This is not about what others expect of you, but about what you expect of yourself.  The rules which you have decided to live your life. It’s very easy to get caught up in the need to make a living; you do after all, still have a responsibility to feed yourself and your family.

The first place to start to actively evaluate your current position. Is it congruent with your long-term plans for your family and work life? Decide what needs to change. Then you need to make a definite decision on where you plan to end the journey. And finally, take consistent daily action that is congruent with the long-term outcomes you want to achieve.

This sounds very simple, right? It is, each day you will be faced with choices on where you put your energy. Most of these are small, every day decisions that determine your direction over every aspect of your life, progressively heading towards your long-term outcome. You decide these decisions, they are within your control.

Martha

The toughest challenges will come when the outside world hits you from left field with the “knock out” punch that you never could have seen coming. How will you react when your world gets turned upside down?

Martha is an excellent example of how to actively recalibrate the family/work balance in a constantly moving world. Martha was born and raised in South Africa; and grew up during a time of rapid change in her homeland. She was raised primarily by her mother—a teacher with a passion for science who also did quite a bit of charity work for her local community.

Martha describes her mom as, “The most amazing, strong, loving woman I have ever known.” For the most part, her father was “absent” while she was growing up. Something she doesn’t really feel impacted her all that much.

“My mother was such a strong woman that I never even noticed he wasn’t around until I was much older, and you can’t miss what you don’t know.” she recently told me.

Life was very good for Marth and her mother, despite the political unrest. Martha got her degree in engineering, and met a wonderful man while she was at University who also became an engineer. After school, they both started their careers and then got married. A little later, along came their son and daughter. Her own world had changed for the better but South Africa was becoming a very unstable environment to live in.

One day, that political unrest changed everything. Martha’s mother had worked for many years in a soup kitchen for the homeless. On this fateful day, a man from the soup kitchen followed her home, broke into her house, and took her life. A stranger who her mother had helped just hours earlier, senselessly murdered this caring woman. Martha’s world was turned completely upside down.

As the months passed, it become clear to Martha and her husband that their future was not in South Africa. It was time to find a home to give her children a safer future. They applied to emigrate to Australia and were accepted. They packed up their young family and headed to the other side of the world; a brave new start leaving their heartache behind them.

Major events can instigate major changes for all of us. These changes are happening to people all around us every day. How you react to the changes will decide if you can regain your balance.

The engineering careers of Martha and her husband were the key asset that gave them the opportunity to emigrate to Australia. The opportunity to rebuild in Australia was on the back of their skills and work history.  Not long after arriving they both got new jobs. Then Martha’s career took off and she really found her place in Australia.

Unfortunately, her husband did not settle into the new life as comfortably. His first engineering job didn’t even last 6 months. He struggled and couldn’t find full-time work in his field. He was the children’s primary caregiver while he searched for his new direction.

As the year’s passed, their balance never really recovered. Martha was carrying the financial load for the entire family. Now in a senior leadership role in her field, she had a good income and they could live comfortably. The impact of the change however, became a major struggle for her husband. He tried various career paths, but nothing really worked out for him. His mental health was suffering, his behaviour difficult, aggressive and irrational. Their own home has now become the “volatile” environment that they left behind in South Africa.

Martha found herself working later and later, and even finding work-related excuses to avoid being at home. Work became her escape from the harsh reality of what her home life had become. It was much easier to be working than to be dealing with a husband whose mental health was deteriorating more and more each day.

Her husband had become emotionally and verbally abusive. When she did arrive home, he resented her working. He would go out and not come home until the early the next morning. One morning, she found the car in the driveway with damage all down one side and he couldn’t even recall how it got there.

Martha was missing time with her children to avoid time with her husband. She came to the realization that the marriage had become completely dysfunctional. For the good of the whole family, it was time to finish the marriage. “The day I told him was a very tough. I must admit I have a problem dealing with conflict” she said. “I knew I had to do it, when I did he fell to the floor grabbed my leg and begged me not to go. But, I had to get my freedom.”

The principal goals for Martha had always been to supply a safe environment for her children to grow up in and to have a rewarding career. They left their homeland and found Australia to be a safe place, full of opportunities. Her career had reached heights not possible in South Africa. Her children were now 14 and 12 and both were doing well in a good school.

Martha adapted to the changes, and with each step she rebalanced and stayed focused on the long-term outcome. In the turmoil of everyday drama, it can be very easy to rationalize a way to not have to deal with an issue, such as ending a long-term relationship. She could not control the actions and responses of her husband. She often bought into his rationalisations and stayed comfortable by not confronting him regarding his unacceptable behaviour. Her husband struggled with each and every step of the changes; pressure changes some people for the better, others not so much. “He was not the man I married, he changed!”

It takes pragmatism to deal with these high-level changes. Many people struggle and everyone is affected to varying degrees. It also so takes pragmatism to mend the bridges and to move forward. Once the heat of the separation was done, her family found a newer, much more comfortable balance. The children are living in a shared parenting arrangement. Her ex-husband has found a new partner, and Martha even attended the wedding and shared a dance with him.

The violent death of her mother triggered the journey to a new country. The changes presented great opportunities but also created instability in their home. Martha had to actively deal with the change. Her ability to stay clear on the long-term outcome got her there. When she avoided dealing the unacceptable behaviour of her husband, the problems at home just got more out of control. The balance of her family went into a spin.

In the short term, it can be easier to immigrate to a new country than it is to deal with the unacceptable behaviour of someone close to you. Our own comfort zones can be the biggest blocks when it comes to a true family/work-life balance.  You have to get uncomfortable to deal with issues that have an emotional charge to move forward.  Sometimes, it can be easier to work longer hours than it is to go home and deal with a family member said Robert James and James Home Services.

Family/Work-life BalanceThe keys to maintaining a family/work-life balancing in this forever moving world:

Find Your Own True North

When you get a good handle on what is important to you, it gives you clarity in your decision-making process; with the big decisions and the little, daily ones. Like a compass on a ship at sea, even when you can’t see the shore, it will guide you to keep you on your course. Take the time to get this clear in your mind and that of your life partner. Hopefully, you share the same “True North”. If not, it’s probably time to sit down and talk about it.

No one can tell you what your personal “True North” is. It is based around your own personal ethics. Only you can make that decision. When you do make it a “definite” decision that will drive you, it’s very important to take your ethics into consideration.

Take Responsibility to Actively Stay on Course

Each day, you are faced with decisions about where and how you will spend your time. The key relationships in our life are the areas that have the most impact on you. It takes a conscience effort to invest in your key relationships. Evaluate whether or not you are investing the right ratio of your time. This is an ever-changing ratio: your 12-month-old son needs a different investment of your time than your 27-year-old son does. They both still need you and you need them, but the balance is very different.

Remember, you are also someone’s son or daughter. Your parent’s still need you and you still need them. As they age the roles will reverse, if you are fortunate enough to have parents live into old age. You will find them in the position to need you in a different way.

If you have a VIP life partner, then invest daily in communicating to keep you both heading on the same course. Without open, honest communication you won’t both stay on the same course.

Key relationships include the people in your work environment. The caution is that these are commercial relationships and understand that no matter how great the relationships are with work colleagues, it is still based on a “financial arrangement.” Employees will take the better job offer or your boss could lay you off next month, without giving it a second thought.

If something in your life is out of balance, take action today. Sometimes it is huge action like emigrating to Australia or just telling your partner what you are really thinking and feeling? Maybe not staying the extra hour at work.

Not Carrying the Past Forward

When the “Emotional Storm” hits, the danger is learning the wrong lesson. Stuff happens to all families. It is not fair; the world is not fair. Bad things happen to good people all the time. For some, it becomes a weight they carry forward. What it was like before … happened. The weight of the sadness can be a lifelong burden, or it can be a lesson to appreciate the moment and the people around you.

People in your life are going to do the “wrong thing” by you. People close to you may “break your heart.” A stranger may take someone or something of great value away from you. It may be wrong and totally unjustified.

A stranger violently took Martha’s mother from her. I asked how she moved on from such a heart-breaking loss at the hands of a stranger. She said, “I have found that forgiving people makes it so much easier to move on.  When you ‘hold on’ to a grudge, no matter how justified, you are effectively holding on to a person too.  I prefer to live my life free of the people and circumstances that cause me grief, and to be happy in each and every moment.  It sounds a bit cheesy written down like that, but that is my philosophy and it seems to have worked ok so far.”

Martha’s are words to live by—accept what happened and move on.

Quickly Adapting to the Changes

When the “weather” changes, you do need to recalibrate and readjust. We can get caught up in the external changes in our world. Our world is changing on all levels: the new US President, global warming, and even the terrorists threating our world peace.

Social media changes the way we perceive this world as well; people living their lives in a virtual world. It’s all about how your life appears on social media. Having the most “likes” and how many Facebook friends you have seem to be distracting us all from the real world.

We now even see tribute pages for people who have passed away. I do often wonder if in 10 years will we be doing “Facebook Live” at our funerals. Are we going to value people’s lives by how many followers, likes, comments, or shares they had? The real key, I think, is to quickly adapt to the changes while managing to stay true to your own direction.

Hanging in There and Staying Focused on the Long-term

The race is long and in the end, it is only with yourself. The challenge of “getting it right” when balancing the family and business life struggle is a work in progress. If you keep working on it then you will progress. When you get it right, you will be living the life you’ve always dreamed of.

At Robert James and James Home Services, our goal is to empower business owners to get their businesses to work for their families. We believe if the balance is right the business will fly. Nothing is more rewarding than getting it right, but to achieve that balance of family and work life it does take consistent, determined action on your part.

Originally Posted:-http://www.robertjameshomeservices.com/maintaining-life-balance-in-an-unbalance-world/

[moodboardinthecloud]

We’re All Socially Awkward Now

Deprive people of interactions with peers, and their social skills will atrophy. This is yet another side effect of the pandemic.

By

Kate Murphy

Sept 1 2020

As the school year begins amid a pandemic, many are concerned about the negative impact that virtual or socially distanced learning may have on children’s developing social skills.But what about grown-ups? It seems adults deprived of consistent and varied peer contact can get just as clumsy at social interactions as inexperienced kids.Research on prisoners, hermits, soldiers, astronauts, polar explorers and others who have spent extended periods in isolation indicates social skills are like muscles that atrophy from lack of use. People separated from society — by circumstance or by choice — report feeling more socially anxious, impulsive, awkward and intolerant when they return to normal life.Psychologists and neuroscientists say something similar is happening to all of us now, thanks to the pandemic. We are subtly but inexorably losing our facility and agility in social situations — whether we are aware of it or not. The signs are everywhere: people oversharing on Zoom, overreacting to or misconstruing one another’s behavior, longing for but then not really enjoying contact with others.

It’s an odd social malaise that can easily become entrenched if we don’t recognize why it’s happening and take steps to minimize its effects.More from the writer on life during Covid-19.

“The first thing to understand is that there are biological reasons for this,” said Stephanie Cacioppo, the director of the Brain Dynamics Laboratory at the University of Chicago. “It’s not a pathology or mental disorder.”

Even the most introverted among us, she said, are wired to crave company. It’s an evolutionary imperative because there’s historically been safety in numbers. Loners had a tough time slaying woolly mammoths and fending off enemy attacks.So when we are cut off from others, our brains interpret it as a mortal threat. Feeling lonely or isolated is as much a biological signal as hunger or thirst. And just like not eating when you’re starved or not drinking when you’re dehydrated, failing to interact with others when you are lonely leads to negative cognitive, emotional and physiological effects, which Dr. Cacioppo said many of us are likely experiencing now.

Even if you are ensconced in a pandemic pod with a romantic partner or family members, you can still feel lonely — often camouflaged as sadness, irritability, anger and lethargy — because you’re not getting the full range of human interactions that you need, almost like not eating a balanced diet. We underestimate how much we benefit from casual camaraderie at the office, gym, choir practice or art class, not to mention spontaneous exchanges with strangers.

Many of us have not met anyone new in months.“This daily interacting with individuals out in the world gives you a sense of belonging and security that comes from feeling you are part of, or have access to, a wider community and network,” said Stefan Hofmann, a professor of psychology at Boston University. “Social isolation slashes that network.”The privation sends our brains into survival mode, which dampens our ability to recognize and appropriately respond to the subtleties and complexities inherent in social situations. Instead, we become hypervigilant and oversensitive. Layer on top of that a seemingly capricious virus and we’re all tightly coiled for fight or flight.

You get a sidelong glance and immediately think the other person dislikes you. A confusing comment is interpreted as an insult. At the same time you feel more self-conscious, fearing any misstepswill put you further at risk. As a result, social situations, even a friendly phone call, become something to avoid. People start to withdraw, rationalizing they are too tired, didn’t like the person much to begin with or there’s something they’d rather watch on Netflix.It’s a phenomenon that the British physician Beth Healey knows all too well. She spent a year at a remote outpost in Antarctica as part of a team doing research for the European Space Agency.“We had quite a lot of training before we went about how returning home can be difficult,” she said. “You kind of laugh it off, thinking it won’t happen to you.”

But sure enough, when Dr. Healey re-entered civilization in early 2016, she said she felt uneasy. “One of my good friends met me in New Zealand and I could feel myself hiding behind her a little bit when checking in at the hotel,” she said. “Normally I’d have been happy to take the lead, but I was hoping they would speak to her.”For months, she was nervous getting on a bus and overwhelmed going to the supermarket. “It was really strange and feels similar to what we’re seeing now after the isolation” because of the coronavirus, she said. “But, in a way, it was easier coming out of Antarctica into the world because nobody else felt the same way and now everyone is being a bit weird.”Some of her fellow crew members had such a hard time readjusting that they immediately signed up to go back to Antarctica. The same thing often happens to soldiers returning from long deployments and also prisoners released after years in solitary confinement. Even if they come home to supportive families, within days or weeks, they want to go back.

“I don’t want to make an equivalence between prisoners in solitary confinement and what all of us are going through now, but there are definite similarities,” said Craig Haney, a psychology professor at the University of California, Santa Cruz, who studies the effects of isolation on inmates. “People feeling uncomfortable with other people is part of what happens when denied the normal social contact that we so much depend on.”In every interaction you have to make countless intuitive judgments — interpreting words, gestures and expressions and reacting appropriately. You’ve also got to get the timing and pacing right, as well as titrate how much to share and with whom. Social interplay is one of the most complicated things we ask our brains to do.In normal circumstances, we get a lot of practice, so it becomes somewhat seamless. You don’t think about it. But when you have fewer opportunities to practice, you get off your game. The surreal and clunky quality of virtual or masked interactions just makes matters worse. 

Isolation experts say it’s a slippery slope and advise taking steps to keep your social skills as nimble as possible during this unsocial time. Dr. Haney said inmates who rebound after solitary confinement are the ones who realized their isolation was a serious threat to their sense of self and security and took every opportunity to reach out to other people.

“The guys who survive best are the ones who write letters and maintain visitation and who maintain communication with other people, even if it’s just through the walls of a cell block,” he said. “It’s the ones who withdraw deeply in and eschew contact with others who do the worst.”That’s why it’s important to block out time every day to connect with others, whether through a socially distanced chat, telephone call or, at the very least, a thoughtful text.And as we all gradually re-emerge from our confinement and widen our social circles, don’t expect anyone or anything to be the same. Dr. Healey said the crew members from her polar expedition who had the greatest difficulty reintegrating were the ones who expected to resume jobs and relationships exactly where they left off.People inevitably change over time and certainly after something significant, like a pandemic, upends their lives and shakes their confidence in what they thought they knew. Values shift. Personalities alter. None of us are the same.So give yourself and everyone else a break. Have patience for your own and other people’s weirdness.

Kate Murphy, a frequent contributor to The New York Times, is the author of “

You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/01/sunday-review/coronavirus-socially-awkward.html

”

[robertjameshomeservices]

Maintaining Life Balance in an Unbalanced World

We live in a time of the most rapid change the world has ever experienced. It feels like everything is changing constantly.

Families are under many pressures; both externally and internally. Have you ever felt like your world is charging so quickly that you just can’t keep up with it?

At times, it probably feels like you are constantly chasing a moving target; and it’s totally unreachable. Like a greyhound chasing a mechanical rabbit that just keeps going faster. The speed of these changes is making it even harder to maintain the balance between your family and business life.

Robert James and James Home Services are now connected to the virtual world 24/7. The family life is not as clearly separated from the business world as it used to be. Social media has changed the way we build relationships and how we spend our family time.

Let’s add another layer to this. The reality is that your own personal world is changing as well. Over the next few years, things will change in your family life. You may get married, you may get divorced. Maybe your family will grow—perhaps you will have your first child, or your fourth; or your first-born may leave home.

It’s even possible that you could lose your current job or start a new business. You may become a millionaire or you might even go bankrupt. Maybe your parents will pass or you lose a child.

How about you finally write that book you’ve always been planning to write? You may just take up yoga or decide to eat healthier and lose weight. On top of all of this, there are the things that other people do or don’t that you cannot control, that can certainly put your world in a spin.

It is true that the world is changing, but more importantly your own world is changing. Some of these changes are by your choice while others are beyond your control. All these factors impact the daily balance in your family and work life.

The danger is that the urgent things tend to get in the way of the important things. Every day, you make decisions about your priorities. We can free fall through the days or we can make conscious decisions that decide how we spend our days.

You may feel like you have a handle on this. You’ve got the business; you have a plan, the education, the family, the cash, you are “the man” or “the woman”. You are ready for everything, you have the life.

But what does your family think?

Does your partner agree? What about your son or daughter? Or, have you still not gotten around to having that first child you’ve both always wanted? What about your own “other” goals, the book or your own health?

Oops, just take a few minutes to check yourself. Are all the balls still in the air or have you dropped a couple? Seriously, just do it, before something or someone external rocks your world and that makes you revaluate your family/work balance.

As humans, we have a true desire to have meaningful relationships with other humans; we are a herd animal by nature. Solitary confinement is the worst punishment you can do to a human.

So, when we are out of balance with the key relationships in our lives,

it rocks us on many levels. You must actively manage this balance in this world of constant change. The real secret to this is having a handle on your own personal ethics. Those things that are really, truly important to you in the long run. Then always act within your personal ethics.

This is not about what others expect of you, but about what you expect of yourself. The rules which you have decided to live your life.

It’s very easy to get caught up in the need to make a living; you do after all, still have a responsibility to feed yourself and your family.

The first place to start to actively evaluate your current position. Is it congruent with your long-term plans for your family and work life? Decide what needs to change.

Then you need to make a definite decision on where you plan to end the journey.

And finally, take consistent daily action that is congruent with the long-term outcomes you want to achieve.

This sounds very simple, right? It is, each day you will be faced with choices on where you put your energy. Most of these are small, every day decisions that determine your direction over every aspect of your life, progressively heading towards your long-term outcome. You decide these decisions, they are within your control.

The story of Martha

The toughest challenges will come when the outside world hits you from left field with the “knock out” punch that you never could have seen coming. How will you react when your world gets turned upside down?

Martha is an excellent example of how to actively recalibrate the family/work balance in a constantly moving world. Martha was born and raised in South Africa; and grew up during a time of rapid change in her homeland. She was raised primarily by her mother—a teacher with a passion for science who also did quite a bit of charity work for her local community.

Martha describes her mom as, “The most amazing, strong, loving woman I have ever known.” For the most part, her father was “absent” while she was growing up. Something she doesn’t really feel impacted her all that much.

“My mother was such a strong woman that I never even noticed he wasn’t around until I was much older, and you can’t miss what you don’t know.” she recently told me.

Life was very good for Marth and her mother, despite the political unrest. Martha got her degree in engineering, and met a wonderful man while she was at University who also became an engineer. After school, they both started their careers and then got married. A little later, along came their son and daughter. Her own world had changed for the better but South Africa was becoming a very unstable environment to live in.

One day, that political unrest changed everything. Martha’s mother had worked for many years in a soup kitchen for the homeless. On this fateful day, a man from the soup kitchen followed her home, broke into her house, and took her life. A stranger who her mother had helped just hours earlier, senselessly murdered this caring woman. Martha’s world was turned completely upside down.

As the months passed, it become clear to Martha and her husband that their future was not in South Africa. It was time to find a home to give her children a safer future. They applied to emigrate to Australia and were accepted. They packed up their young family and headed to the other side of the world; a brave new start leaving their heartache behind them.

Major events can instigate major changes for all of us. These changes are happening to people all around us every day. How you react to the changes will decide if you can regain your balance.

The engineering careers of Martha and her husband were the key asset that gave them the opportunity to emigrate to Australia. The opportunity to rebuild in Australia was on the back of their skills and work history. Not long after arriving they both got new jobs. Then Martha’s career took off and she really found her place in Australia.

Unfortunately, her husband did not settle into the new life as comfortably. His first engineering job didn’t even last 6 months. He struggled and couldn’t find full-time work in his field. He was the children’s primary caregiver while he searched for his new direction.

As the year’s passed, their balance never really recovered. Martha was carrying the financial load for the entire family. Now in a senior leadership role in her field, she had a good income and they could live comfortably. The impact of the change however, became a major struggle for her husband. He tried various career paths, but nothing really worked out for him. His mental health was suffering, his behavior difficult, aggressive and irrational. Their own home has now become the “volatile” environment that they left behind in South Africa.

Martha found herself working later and later, and even finding work-related excuses to avoid being at home. Work became her escape from the harsh reality of what her home life had become. It was much easier to be working than to be dealing with a husband whose mental health was deteriorating more and more each day.

Her husband had become emotionally and verbally abusive. When she did arrive home, he resented her working. He would go out and not come home until the early the next morning. One morning, she found the car in the driveway with damage all down one side and he couldn’t even recall how it got there.

Martha was missing time with her children to avoid time with her husband said Robert James and James Home Services. She came to the realization that the marriage had become completely dysfunctional. For the good of the whole family, it was time to finish the marriage. “The day I told him was a very tough. I must admit I have a problem dealing with conflict” she said. “I knew I had to do it, when I did he fell to the floor grabbed my leg and begged me not to go. But, I had to get my freedom.”

The principal goals for Martha had always been to supply a safe environment for her children to grow up in and to have a rewarding career. They left their homeland and found Australia to be a safe place, full of opportunities. Her career had reached heights not possible in South Africa. Her children were now 14 and 12 and both were doing well in a good school.

Martha adapted to the changes, and with each step she rebalanced and stayed focused on the long-term outcome. In the turmoil of everyday drama, it can be very easy to rationalize a way to not have to deal with an issue, such as ending a long-term relationship. She could not control the actions and responses of her husband. She often bought into his rationalisations and stayed comfortable by not confronting him regarding his unacceptable behaviour. Her husband struggled with each and every step of the changes; pressure changes some people for the better, others not so much. “He was not the man I married, he changed!”

It takes pragmatism to deal with these high-level changes. Many people struggle and everyone is affected to varying degrees. It also so takes pragmatism to mend the bridges and to move forward. Once the heat of the separation was done, her family found a newer, much more comfortable balance. The children are living in a shared parenting arrangement. Her ex-husband has found a new partner, and Martha even attended the wedding and shared a dance with him.

The violent death of her mother triggered the journey to a new country. The changes presented great opportunities but also created instability in their home. Martha had to actively deal with the change. Her ability to stay clear on the long-term outcome got her there. When she avoided dealing the unacceptable behaviour of her husband, the problems at home just got more out of control. The balance of her family went into a spin.

In the short term, it can be easier to immigrate to a new country than it is to deal with the unacceptable behavior of someone close to you. Our own comfort zones can be the biggest blocks when it comes to a true family/work-life balance. You have to get uncomfortable to deal with issues that have an emotional charge to move forward. Sometimes, it can be easier to work longer hours than it is to go home and deal with a family member.

Family/Work-life Balance

The keys to maintaining a family/work-life balancing in this forever moving world:

Find Your Own True North

When you get a good handle on what is important to you, it gives you clarity in your decision-making process; with the big decisions and the little, daily ones. Like a compass on a ship at sea, even when you can’t see the shore, it will guide you to keep you on your course. Take the time to get this clear in your mind and that of your life partner. Hopefully, you share the same “True North”. If not, it’s probably time to sit down and talk about it.

No one can tell you what your personal “True North” is. It is based around your own personal ethics. Only you can make that decision. When you do make it a “definite” decision that will drive you, it’s very important to take your ethics into consideration.

Take Responsibility to Actively Stay on Course

Each day, you are faced with decisions about where and how you will spend your time. The key relationships in our life are the areas that have the most impact on you. It takes a conscience effort to invest in your key relationships. Evaluate whether or not you are investing the right ratio of your time. This is an ever-changing ratio: your 12-month-old son needs a different investment of your time than your 27-year-old son does. They both still need you and you need them, but the balance is very different.

Remember, you are also someone’s son or daughter. Your parent’s still need you and you still need them. As they age the roles will reverse, if you are fortunate enough to have parents live into old age. You will find them in the position to need you in a different way.

If you have a VIP life partner, then invest daily in communicating to keep you both heading on the same course. Without open, honest communication you won’t both stay on the same course.

Key relationships include the people in your work environment. The caution is that these are commercial relationships and understand that no matter how great the relationships are with work colleagues, it is still based on a “financial arrangement.” Employees will take the better job offer or your boss could lay you off next month, without giving it a second thought.

If something in your life is out of balance, take action today. Sometimes it is huge action like emigrating to Australia or just telling your partner what you are really thinking and feeling? Maybe not staying the extra hour at work.

Not Carrying the Past Forward

When the “Emotional Storm” hits, the danger is learning the wrong lesson. Stuff happens to all families. It is not fair; the world is not fair. Bad things happen to good people all the time. For some, it becomes a weight they carry forward. What it was like before … happened. The weight of the sadness can be a lifelong burden, or it can be a lesson to appreciate the moment and the people around you.

People in your life are going to do the “wrong thing” by you. People close to you may “break your heart.” A stranger may take someone or something of great value away from you. It may be wrong and totally unjustified.

A stranger violently took Martha’s mother from her. I asked how she moved on from such a heart-breaking loss at the hands of a stranger. She said, “I have found that forgiving people makes it so much easier to move on. When you ‘hold on’ to a grudge, no matter how justified, you are effectively holding on to a person too. I prefer to live my life free of the people and circumstances that cause me grief, and to be happy in each and every moment. It sounds a bit cheesy written down like that, but that is my philosophy and it seems to have worked ok so far.”

Martha’s are words to live by—accept what happened and move on.

Quickly Adapting to the Changes

When the “weather” changes, you do need to recalibrate and readjust. We can get caught up in the external changes in our world. Our world is changing on all levels: the new US President, global warming, and even the terrorists threating our world peace.

Social media changes the way we perceive this world as well; people living their lives in a virtual world. It’s all about how your life appears on social media. Having the most “likes” and how many Facebook friends you have seem to be distracting us all from the real world.

We now even see tribute pages for people who have passed away. I do often wonder if in 10 years will we be doing “Facebook Live” at our funerals. Are we going to value people’s lives by how many followers, likes, comments, or shares they had? The real key, I think, is to quickly adapt to the changes while managing to stay true to your own direction.

Hanging in There and Staying Focused on the Long-term

The race is long and in the end, it is only with yourself. The challenge of “getting it right” when balancing the family and business life struggle is a work in progress. If you keep working on it then you will progress. When you get it right, you will be living the life you’ve always dreamed of.

This acrticle was originally published in Fit For Purpose Leadership #1

At Balance Enterprises, Robert James and James Home Services goal is to empower business owners to get their businesses to work for their families. We believe if the balance is right the business will fly. Nothing is more rewarding than getting it right, but to achieve that balance of family and work life it does take consistent, determined action on your part.

If you are struggling and are looking to get the direction right, read: Balance—How to make your business and family life work together.

Originally Posted:- http://www.robertjameshomeservices.com/maintaining-life-balance-in-an-unbalanced-world/