#he had the commandant's cadets but no officers/high command willing to make it anything more than his treasonous vanity project

[wookieejamcrew]

the through line between the grand inquisitor's death and brendol having "gone to pasture" afterwards (we still don't know if he ever learned that he died since lt. chiron says his death was top-secret intel. he might've noticed that it was after their argument he just. stopped coming to arkanis. boo hoo sad.) is a steel wire galvanized by his reaction to rae exercising her dominance over him in empire's end. in this essay i will

[xxdragonwriterxx]

🔥Where Is Your Rider?🔥

A/N: HEY EVERYONE!!! So, I just wanted to thank you guys for the massive amount of support you guys have given me recently, I just managed to reach a pretty significant follower count!!! I don’t want to specify the number because I don’t want to make this into a competition, but I’m so happy and grateful for all of you guys and the love and support you have shown me! As promised, I plan to celebrate with a face reveal! I’ll specify when I’m going to do it (as I don’t know when I won’t be busy, lol) but it will happen soon! For now, enjoy this super angsty short one-shot I have written for you guys! This was supposed to be a really short drabble but because I have no self control whatsoever, this ended up being nearly 3,000 words instead of the 500 I planned for it. Also, this was inspired by the two songs, “Where is Your Rider?” and “Pale White Horse” by the Oh Hellos! I hope you enjoy, and again, thank you guys so much!!! ❤️❤️❤️

🐉 Song Recommendation: “Pale White Horse” By: The Oh Hellos 🐉

Word Count: ~2.8k

~~~

Levi braced his hands on his knees, panting so hard his throat burned with dry fire. That had been close. Too close. To say that the expedition had been a nightmare would’ve been an understatement. It had been an absolute disaster. What was supposed to be a simple mission to retrieve some supplies from an abandoned battle station outside the walls had turned into chaos quicker than anyone could’ve ever anticipated as abnormals had surrounded them on all sides. Levi had tried his best to protect as many of his soldiers as he could, but even Humanity’s Strongest Soldier had been overwhelmed by the vast number of titans. Erwin had called for the retreat only minutes into the expedition, and yet they had still lost more men on this mission alone than they had during the past six months.

Levi closed his eyes, willing the tears back against the images of his fallen comrades, their broken bodies and screams of his name as they were devoured right in front of him. He had to stay strong, just for a little while longer. As soon as he got back within the walls and was able to retreat to his office, he would be allowed to break, to let loose the torrent of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. But for now, he had to be the pillar of strength that his remaining soldiers could look up to for hope and reassurance.

He sighed deeply, forcing down the bile that rose in the back of his throat, and raised his head, his eyes still closed as he prepared what he was going to say to his squad. When he finally felt ready enough to face them, he turned with his head held up high to the pitiful number of soldiers left on the field. He opened his mouth to talk when all of a sudden, he noticed something.

Her squad wasn’t back yet.

Levi’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly, his mouth hung open as the words of his quickly prepared speech were immediately thrown out the window, his mind clouded with worry.

“Where’s Captain (Y/N)? And her squad?” Levi asked, prompting the men around him to stop what they were doing and look to their raven-haired superior. It was obvious that Captain (Y/N) and Captain Levi were together, that much was apparent from Levi’s subtle favoritism and soothed demeanor when she was around, but their relationship was often overlooked due to the professional manner in which they regarded each other when working during the day. Nobody was privy to what occurred behind closed doors - the clingy, loving nature that Levi adopted around (Y/N) when they were alone.

Levi felt a cold tremor trickle down his spine when nobody answered, some of their faces paling as they suddenly remembered their Captain’s relationship, panic laced in their eyes when they realized that nobody could answer Levi’s question. “Did anybody see where they went? Or could make a guess on which direction they could’ve gone?”

Levi tried to keep his voice steady when silence once again answered him, only the soft murmuring of the cadets asking each other for information filling the space. His breathing quickened and shallowed, making him feel light-headed, but he shook the feeling away. He needed to stay focused if he was going to find her. She was going to be alright, she had to be. He wouldn’t accept any other option.

“Alright then, everybody stay here. Commander Erwin should be arriving with the rest of you in a moment. When he gets here, someone tell him that I’ve gone to look for them.”

He whirled on his heel when he was met with murmurs of acceptance, aiming for his horse until a quick flash of movement caught the corner of his eye. He stopped dead in his tracks when he realized it was the movement of a horse racing for them, its hooves striking the ground with every beat as it galloped for them in a panic. Cold dread washed over Levi as the horse got closer, immediately recognizing the silvery white coat of (Y/N)’s stunning mare.

Levi was frozen in fear for the first time in his life as the horse came barreling towards him; riderless. He managed to snap out of it and quickly moved to intercept the horse, using his hands to jolt the frantic horse to a stop. Levi cooed at the mare, murmuring soft words of comfort as he approached her as slowly and non-threateningly as possible. When she had finally calmed down enough for him to touch her, Levi carefully curled his fingers around her reins and stood back to get a good look at the animal.

Her nostrils were flaring with every harsh breath she took, panting with both fear and exertion. Her eyes were wide enough to flash the whites around her irises at him, her gaze darting all around them as if expecting something to jump out at her. Levi felt his stomach clench hard enough to rip a whimper from him when he saw that her once gleaming silver coat was now soaked in sweat, mud, and fresh blood. Levi took a shuddering breath, his eyes closing.

“Danika, where is your rider?”

The mare’s only response was to jerk her head in panic, her ears pinned as she tried to rip herself from his iron grip. Levi bared his teeth, a few stray tears sliding down his cheeks. “WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR RIDER!?”

He knew shouting would only make things worse, but he couldn’t help himself, his fury and paralyzing fear driving him to the edge of insanity. Where was she? She had to be here, he wouldn’t accept this, couldn’t accept this. She was alive and well and perfectly fine, her horse was just acting crazy. It had to be some kind of trick, some kind of illusion meant as a punishment for the lives of the men he had lost.

He rubbed his eyes but to his horror, the image of blood soaking Danika’s fur didn’t disappear. He wanted to believe that it was Danika’s blood, that the poor animal had just been clawed up in battle, but he knew it wasn’t hers. She had no external wounds to speak of and the blood was pooled on top of her saddle and splashed along her flank rather than gouged from her flesh.

More tears started to stream down his face, the air in his throat hitching with every shaky breath he took. It wasn’t possible. No. She was alive. (Y/N) was alive. The love of his life was alive. Levi hung his head, his hair falling to curtain his expression as he choked on another sob. “Danika, please. Please. Where is your rider? Where is (Y/N)? She was with you, right? She has to be around here somewhere…”

He knew he must look deranged, talking to a horse and muttering to himself, but he didn’t care. All he cared about, in that moment, was finding out where the fuck his lover was. Another sob ripped through his body, his eyes squeezing shut even harder as more tears fell from behind his lids. He didn’t want to accept it, he couldn’t accept it, so why was his heart shattering as if he already had?

The sudden touch of a warm muzzle brushing against his face made him flinch and look up, only to be met with the sight of (Y/N)’s silver mare, watching him with a deeply sorrowful expression that mirrored his own, as if she too was grieving the loss of her rider. Levi wanted to scream, wanted to chase the mare into the woods, wanted to slash titans until his body gave out, but he knew he couldn’t do any of those things. It wasn’t the horse’s fault, no matter how much he wanted someone to blame.

“Please,” he whispered, his fingers coming up to curl against Danika’s soft muzzle. “Please tell me she’s alive. Tell me she made it back with you, you just got scared and left her behind. Tell me that she’s going to be okay. I-I can’t live without her, please.”

He was begging now but he didn’t notice. He just wanted some damn reassurance, some comfort, some support - all of the things that (Y/N) usually provided for him when he felt helpless. But (Y/N) wasn’t with him and he was floundering. His eyes were glossy with tears as he looked deep into the mare’s eyes, begging with both his voice and his gaze for the horse to give him something, anything to work with.

“Levi,” the deep voice right beside him made him jump, too lost in his hysteria to notice that Erwin had slipped up next to him, his face dark and grim. Levi’s eyes were frantic as they searched Erwin’s gaze. He knew the Commander had seen (Y/N) last, her squad had been flanking his during their initial departure. Erwin swallowed. Hard.

“Levi, I’m so sorry but…” The Commander dug around in his pocket until he found what he was looking for and pulled out a small piece of fabric with (Y/N)’s name written on the back. It was (Y/N)’s wings of freedom patch. Levi carefully took the patch in both of his palms, tears flooding his cheeks as his whole body started to shake.

“S-She saved her squad, Levi. They were being chased by a hoard of abnormal titans and she darted off to act as bait. Her p-plan was solid, but there were just too many of them and they overpowered her,” Erwin said, his jaw clenching when he stuttered a few times, fighting back his own tears. He lifted a hand and rested it gently on his friend’s shoulder, squeezing once. “Levi, s-she’s gone.”

Levi immediately shook his head violently in response, refusing to believe it. She wasn’t dead, she couldn’t be. She had promised him that she would stay alive, that she would never leave him alone, especially after all he had lost. She promised. Erwin walked forward, hands outstretched to keep Levi from doing something rash, but he wasn’t fast enough as the raven crashed to the ground, collapsing under the weight of his grief.

A loud, miserable howl tore from his throat and filled the valley, making the soldiers around him flinch as they silently mourned, a few of them even beginning to shed tears as they watched their normally stoic, steadfast Captain break for the first time since they’d met him. Levi ignored everyone as he sobbed out for the world to hear, his head buried in his hands and his body shaking violently with the force of his sorrow.

He didn’t want to accept it, didn’t want to acknowledge what everyone was telling him was fact. He didn’t want to think about anything but getting her back in his arms as soon as possible. It was all he wanted, to feel her warmth pressed lovingly against him, to hear her murmur gentle words filled with more love than he’d ever expected to receive in his life, to see her eyes light up brightly whenever she saw him. Without her, he was nothing. He knew that if he accepted this, that he would be accepting the loss of his very soul. It was too much for him to handle, he had finally been broken.

The pain was unbearable, he couldn’t take it anymore. Without (Y/N) by his side, he had no will to live. Fuck fighting the titans, fuck finding a new, better world, fuck being Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. Fuck everything. None of it was worth it if (Y/N) wasn’t wrapped safely in his arms.

“Levi…”

He heard Erwin coo at him, his hand outstretched to guide Levi to his feet, but the raven quickly ripped his arm from the Commander’s grasp, his eyes filled with an icy fire that would make Death itself shiver.

“Lead the retreat, take my men back to the walls.”

“Levi, what are you-?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Levi snapped aggressively as he tore his cape from his back and draped it over Danika’s blood soaked saddle.

“Levi, (Y/N)’s dead. You need to come back with us, if you don’t, you won’t make it.”

“That’s the point,” Levi said as he pulled himself into the saddle, once again avoiding Erwin’s attempt to grasp him.

The blonde’s eyes widened to the size of saucers, his jaw dropping at his Captain’s words. “If you think for one fucking second that I am going to let you kill yourself over some girl-”

“Don’t you dare speak about (Y/N) that way,” Levi said, his voice a deadly calm. “She is not just ‘some girl’. She’s the love and light of my life and I’m not leaving without her. I’m going to bring her back, no matter what it takes.”

Erwin opened his mouth to argue, but wasn’t even able to get the first word out before Levi had kicked Danika into a gallop, aiming right for the forest she had come from just minutes earlier. Nobody could do anything but watch as Humanity’s Strongest Soldier tore off into the woods, dread settling in their stomachs at the thought of having to fight without his support. Because they all knew, even if Levi made it, he would never be the same. Unless (Y/N) was somehow magically still alive, Levi would never be the same man he once was. His responsibilities and future didn’t matter to him anymore, not if they didn’t include his love.

Erwin sighed and shouted for his men to retreat, knowing that sending more men to retrieve Levi would only end in more casualties, by both titans and Levi himself. All he could do was trust that his friend could hold his own and would make it back. The soldiers of the remaining squads did as he asked without hesitation but the air was thick with tension as they galloped back to the walls, unsure of how to process the loss of their two strongest Captains.

[awkwardpenguinproductions]

Rebellion

Part 8 of Dragon of the Yuyan

Read on AO3 | Series Masterpost

The prisoner is tiny.

That’s the first thing Zuko notices, when Banli Squad returns triumphant from their mission with a figure wrapped in heavy iron netting like a landed fish. Tiny, and young. Zuko would be damned if the kid was a day older than eleven. The top of their bald, tattooed head barely comes up to the middle of Zuko’s chest.

White hot rage shoots through him as Zheng shoves the Avatar down the corridor ahead of him, radiating smugness like a fucking peacock. He wants to rip that netting off and carry the kid away from here, away from Zhao who acts like the entire Stronghold and everyone in it is his to do whatever the fuck he wants with.

The plan, dum dum, remember the plan, he chants to himself, and holds onto his control with both hands and every ounce of stubbornness in his body.

+

Do you think it’s true? The Avatar’s returned? Zuko had demanded, barely waiting for the Commander’s office door to close behind him. The announcement had been made twenty minutes ago, and Zuko had immediately followed the older man to his office when he’d left the mess hall.

Commander Toshiaki hadn’t replied immediately, but had reached into a desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of rotgut. He’d poured two cups, knocked one back, and pushed the other toward Zuko, who sipped at it warily, grimacing at the taste.

The Commander had dropped into his desk chair and tilted his head back for a moment before beginning to sign. I can’t imagine the Fire Lord making an announcement like that unless there was some truth to it. Either way, it changes things.

No kidding! Zuko had snapped. The Commander shot him a Look, and Zuko had winced and signed a quick Sorry, sir.

The Commander had sighed silently. If anything, all it does is move the timeline up rather a lot. It shouldn’t take the Avatar very long to gather followers and allies, and as the main aggressor in the war, the Fire Lord will be their main focus.

Instead of waiting for Azula to come of age and then to get impatient, we just cut her out of the line completely, Zuko had realized. Instead of the war dragging on for another four years or more, the Avatar can help us end it sooner. Within the year, even!

The Commander had nodded. We need to stay alert for opportunities slip away and rendezvous with the Avatar and their followers. I have a list of Troop members who are willing to defect. When the opportunity presents itself, you will give the signal, and the Yuyan Archers will disappear.

+

Zuko meets the Commander’s eyes, and blinks. The Commander blinks back.

Zuko slips down a service corridor, and races back to the Yuyan dorm. He grabs the bag he’d kept prepared for this exact scenario and his dao, and shimmies up into the ventilation shaft. With his most recent growth spurt, it’s a bit of a snug fit, and Zuko suddenly has to wrestle back the panicked thought of oh Agni what if I get stuck. He pauses, breathes a few deep breaths, and continues on to the bathroom, where he gets his Blue Spirit uniform on as fast as he can. His hair gets tied back into a braid, the length of which is tucked under his tunic and hood. His dao go on his back, every single throwing knife he owns is strapped somewhere on his body, and he carefully burns the clothes he was wearing in the brazier that heats the water for the ofuro. The bag his Blue Spirit materials were in gets folded up as small as Zuko can possibly make it and tucked into the back of his belt. Could be useful later.

He fastens his mask as securely as he possibly can, and Cadet Zuko of the Yuyan Archers disappears. In his place stands the Blue Spirit, ready for war.

By now the Avatar will have been secured in one of the cells at the top of the Central Tower, where the most powerful benders are kept for holding. Zuko ensures that he has left no trace of his presence in the bathroom, and makes his way upstairs as fast as he can, employing every shadow-walking technique he knows to avoid detection.

It’s caution well spent, because the upper detention level is crawling with Stronghold guards. At least a dozen of them. Zhao may be a pompous ass and a creep to rival Koh themself, but he’s not completely stupid. These guys must be new, though, or they came with the Admiral, because they are not nearly as wary of dark corners and high shadowed ceilings as they should be.

It’s quick work knocking the idiots out and looping lengths of chain around their ankles to hang them from the rafters like freshly hunted game. If this were a training exercise, he would’ve just left them where they had fallen, but Zuko can’t afford the possibility that they’d wake up and be able to come after him and the Avatar. Getting out of the Stronghold is going to be hard enough, no need to alert anyone to the breakout any earlier than necessary.

Only one of the cells has a guard at the door, who is reaching for the signaling horn as Zuko peeks around the corner. Zuko grabs a bucket of water kept for the guards to drink on duty in one hand, and throws one of his knives with the other. The horn is knocked out of the guard's hand, and as Zuko rushes him the man shoots a rather paltry plume of flame at him. Zuko doesn't miss a beat as he throws the water into the strike, then whips the bucket into the man's leading foot to break his root.

Thank Agni for Mika's "learn-to-fight-with-any-kind-of-random-shit" lessons, he thinks a bit hysterically as the man goes crashing to the floor. He binds the man with his own handcuffs, borrowing a second set that had fallen from another guard's belt to bind his ankles, and ties a length of cloth he finds in the last guard's pocket into a gag.

He takes a minute to retrieve his throwing knife and to breathe, and he can very distantly hear Zhao's ridiculous speech echoing up from the main courtyard.

+

Zhao had arrived about two weeks after the Winter Solstice, just in time for the Fire Nation Armed Forces' rumor mill to have built up a full head of steam. He had swept into the Stronghold like he'd owned the place, towering over Colonel Shinu in a ridiculous attempt to intimidate the much shorter man, but he had still been a Commander at the time and the Colonel had quickly put him in his place. The complete 180° turn the man's personality had taken at that point had completely creeped Zuko out, had reminded him uncomfortably of Azula, and he'd done his absolute best not to be caught alone with him.

A few days after Zhao's arrival, Commander Toshiaki had indicated that he'd wanted a meeting, and Zuko had met him in his office.

Zhao has been trying to convince Colonel Shinu to allow him to use the Archers in his hunt for the Avatar, the Commander had signed as soon as the door was closed behind Zuko. The tension in the older man's body had been obvious, his signs rigidly composed.

There's no way the Colonel will go for that, Zuko had replied, trying to decipher the Commander's body language. Disapproval, maybe? Or anger? Either were rarely seen from the stern but kind officer, and therefore hard to recognize.

He may no longer have a choice. The Commander's jaw clenched. Anger, then, and Zuko had felt proud of himself that he'd felt no unease at all around the Commander as he'd struggled to hold his temper. A messenger hawk arrived last night. Zhao has been promoted to Admiral by the Fire Lord.

Fuck, Zuko had stated into the whirling chaos of his mind. With that wonderful piece of news, it was only a matter of time before the Avatar was captured.

My Prince, I also have reason to believe that your safety could be compromised should Zhao discover your identity, the Commander continued. He has been overheard making… comments… about your performance in the Agni Kai against the Fire Lord, as well as voicing theories as to your current location and opinions of how you should be treated when returned to royal custody. A small, distant part of Zuko had mused that if the Commander had been a bender, he would’ve seared the top of his desk black in his rage.

I believe, Prince Zuko, that it would be prudent of you to consider vacating the Stronghold sooner rather than later. The Commander had looked  like every sign he’d made had been physically painful, which had eased the pain in Zuko’s own heart of being ousted from his home again. This time was not for someone else’s gain or convenience, but for Zuko’s own safety. And it wasn’t going to be forever, like his abandonment. No matter what ended up happening, Zuko knew he would see his Troop, his family, again. Kai would hunt him down, to say nothing of the rest of Chihese Squad and the Commander himself.

I understand, Commander, Zuko had replied, smiling at his commanding officer. Depending on how quickly the Avatar is apprehended, the Blue Spirit should be able to escort them away without too much effort.

+

Famous last words, Zuko growls silently to himself as he picks the lock on the cell. It’s a new model, something Zhao had installed in the last couple of weeks as he prepared to imprison the Avatar, and Zuko hasn’t had enough opportunity to practice picking it between avoiding Zhao and smuggling supplies and his belongings out of the Stronghold with his squad under the guise of “wilderness training”.

It takes forty-seven seconds more than Zuko really cares to admit, but he does finally get the cell door open, and he slips inside and shuts the door behind him.

The Avatar is chained hand and foot in the center of the cavernous cell, arms held out and fastened to the two huge torches that provide the only light in the room. Their odd yellow, orange, and brown clothes are tattered and splashed with mud, and their skin is ghostly pale. Their stormy gray eyes are huge in their face as they stare at Zuko.

Zuko draws his dao, and rushes forward in a form meant to build momentum. The Avatar screams and cringes back, squeezing their eyes shut. Zuko’s blades slice cleanly through the chains holding their arms, and it takes the Avatar a moment to realize that they aren’t hurt and to stop screaming and open their eyes. They stare in bafflement at the manacles on their wrists, which Zuko also slices off. He finishes with the cuffs on their feet, and strides back to the cell door.

“Who are you? What’s going on?” The Avatar’s voice calls out, high with prepubescence and stress. “Are you here to rescue me?”

Duh, Zuko thinks, opening the door and making sure the coast is clear before turning back and making a vague come on gesture.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” the Avatar mumbles, warily following him. Their footsteps are barely audible against the steel-clad floors, and Zuko has to listen extra hard to make sure they’re still with him.

“My frogs!” The Avatar gasps, and Zuko has just enough time to think what? before those nearly silent footsteps go pattering off in another direction. He clenches his teeth behind the mask and follows, catching up as the Avatar is kneeling on the floor trying to catch a bunch of half-frozen wood frogs. He grabs the kid by the collar of their weird tunic and hauls them away, and cringes when the little idiot hollers for the entire Stronghold to hear, “But my friends need to suck on those frogs!”

Zuko switches his grip on this absolute moron of an Avatar from their collar to the front of their tunic, (gently) pushes them against the closest wall, and flicks them between the eyes hard with his free hand. Then he puts his finger against the grinning mouth of his mask for quiet.

The Avatar has the grace to be chagrined, at least. “I’m sorry,” they whisper. “It’s just— I got captured ‘cause I was gathering those frogs ‘cause my friends are sick and the crazy old lady on the top of the mountain said that they needed to suck on the frozen frogs to get better and I’m really worried about them— my friends, not the frogs— but I know I gotta be quiet so we can get out of here, right?”

Great Agni and all the stars, how is this kid the spirits-damned Avatar? Zuko bites back a sigh, nods sharply, and makes a note that the Avatar has ill companions that need treatment. The Avatar nods back, eyes huge in their pale face.

Zuko leads the way to the main sewer line, which the pair of them follow out of the Central Tower and to the back courtyard. A quick peek through the bars above their heads reveals that the coast is clear, and Zuko points upward to indicate to the Avatar that they need to pull themselves up through the bars. The Avatar follows without a word, and they break for the rope that hangs from the top of the Stronghold’s innermost wall, left there by one of the Archers on Commander Toshiaki’s orders.

They’re halfway up the rope when the alarm sounds. Zuko can hear Zhao shouting that “the Avatar has escaped!”, and some bootlicker responds with “There! On the wall!”. Zuko has five seconds to curse his fucking luck before the rope in his hands goes slack and they start to fall.

The Avatar does something, and with a roar of wind Zuko feels himself slowing down in midair, and they both land gently on their feet. Zuko draws his dao and points with one to the gates starting to close. As one he and the Avatar start running for the gates as Zhao shouts "Close all the gates immediately!" like the gatemen don't know how to do their freaking jobs.

"Stay close to me!" The Avatar tells him, and all Zuko can do is nod and try to keep up as the Avatar zooms towards the gate, faster than a normal human can run. Zuko's no slouch, racing against Jiyoti will ensure that, but after airbending a line of guards out of the way, the Avatar seems to forget that Zuko can't run as fast, because they book it for the gate and leave Zuko in the dust.

He gets cornered, surrounded by guards with spears, and it takes everything he has to keep from bending, because if even the slightest spark slips from his blades he’s done for. Abruptly the guards disappear, blown away by the Avatar’s airbending, and Zuko has a moment to wonder why they don’t bend any of the other elements before the Avatar swings a broken spear like a trebuchet and Zuko goes flying.

He lands on top of the innermost wall and immediately tucks into a roll to bleed off the momentum. He hears the clomping steps of the guards approaching and snaps to his feet, swords out and held at the ready, and then something slams into his upper back and a steel band wraps around his chest under his arms, and with a jerk he’s flying again.

They land with a crash on the intermediate wall, and Zuko’s blades clatter away. He doesn’t have time to grab them, though, because the Avatar’s been cornered by a guard at least twice their size. Their makeshift staff has been knocked away, and Zuko doesn’t think before he grabs the guard around the middle and throws him off the wall.

They reach the other side of the wall just as more guards come up the bamboo emergency ladders. The Avatar blows the first two ladders clear with their airbending, and Zuko just finishes clearing the third and barely has time to sheath his blades before the Avatar is handing him one of the ladders with a hurried "hold this!". They have the second ladder in their arms, and they jump onto the parapet of the wall and step onto the third ladder, pushing it away from the wall.

"Jump on my back!" The absolutely wolf-bat fucking crazy Avatar calls at him, and Zuko can do nothing but obey. His momentum and weight are what tip the ladder over fully away from the wall, and the Avatar maneuvers the ladder in his arms so that the pair of them stilt-walk across the no-man's land between the intermediate and outer walls. However, some really intelligent person decides to set fire to the last ladder. Zuko and the Avatar are forced to jump for the outer wall, but Zuko can't keep his grip, and they tumble to the ground just in front of the outer gate.

Dazedly shaking his head, Zuko struggles to his feet and draws his blades as the guards converge upon them. Four firebending guards (I trained with you! a tiny part of Zuko sobs upon seeing them, I sparred with you and you laughed when I beat you!) blast at them in unison, and Zuko is ready to deflect the flames with his blades when the Avatar spins them around and defends them with airbending.

"HOLD YOUR FIRE!"

The flames die away as Admiral Zhao himself strides forward, hands clasped behind his back as calm as can be. "The Avatar must be captured alive," he orders, scowling, but there's a triumphant light in his cold bronze eyes that Zuko immediately hates. Then his words hit, and Zuko immediately knows what to do.

Sorry, kid, just trying to get us out of here alive, he apologizes silently to the Avatar, as he crosses his blades under their chin, razor-sharp edges each a hairsbreadth from the delicate pale skin of their neck. The Avatar makes a strangled "ulp!" sound, and Zuko presses himself against their back and stares Zhao in the eye.

A vein throbs in the man's temple as he grits his teeth in frustration. "Open the gate," he grits out, after a moment of attempting to glare Zuko into submission. Compared to Mika without her morning black tea, the guy's a rank amateur.

"Admiral, what are you doing?" Colonel Shinu hisses from his position at Zhao's shoulder.

"Let them out," Zhao snaps. "NOW."

The gate creaks open behind them, and Zuko carefully walks backward, keeping his blades rock steady at the Avatar's neck. He doesn't take a single eye off of Zhao.

They're in the middle of the last crossroads before the forest when something zings through the air and everything abruptly goes dark.

+

Zuko had reported to the medbay at Dr. Atsuko's order, and the Chief Medical Officer of the Stronghold had ushered him into her office at the back of the ward.

"Zhao's just sent out Banli Squad to retrieve the Avatar," she'd said brusquely. "Are you ready? Do you have all of the supplies you need, all of the things you're going to take?"

I'm as ready as I'll ever be, Zuko had replied. The Commander gave the signal for everyone who's leaving to be ready to disappear after Banli gets back. I'll be meeting up with Kai at noon the day after the Avatar and I escape to get my bow and quiver from him, since I can't exactly carry them with me as the Blue Spirit. Are you leaving too?

Dr. Atsuko had nodded. "It's time," she'd said, and for once the steel had melted from her expression and she'd actually looked sad. "I've done all I can here, but it's time to go where I can do some real good."

Where will you go? Zuko had asked.

"Here and there," Dr. Atsuko had shrugged. "I've got options. A doctor, especially one with my skills, is always in demand. Before you take off, though, I've got something to teach you," and she'd handed him a Pai Sho tile, the Lotus.

Five hours later, Zuko had been leaving the mess hall after dinner when Banli Squad had paraded the Avatar through the Stronghold.

+

Zuko wakes up to early morning light filtering through tall trees, a full range of vision due to his mask being gone, and the Avatar sitting curled up in a little ball on top of a huge tree root. He also wakes up to a splitting headache, and bites back a groan that's half pain and half frustration. He doesn't have time for this, the Avatar's a fucking kid, and probably doesn't know any bending besides their native element, and Zuko somehow has to get them ready to… what, overthrow the Fire Lord? Get Zuko's throne back for him?

His temple throbs, and Zuko can't quite bite back the hiss that he makes as he sits up, rubbing his forehead.

"Oh, you're awake!" The Avatar exclaims, voice piercing in the stillness of the surrounding forest. Zuko winces, and thankfully the Avatar seems to notice, because their voice drops several levels of volume until they're almost but not quite whispering. "I never got to thank you last night for getting me out of there. That Zhao guy was kinda creepy. What's your name? I'm Aang."

My name's Zuko, Zuko signs, slow and sluggish with pain and the stiffness that comes with not cooling down properly after excessive exercise. What're your preferred pronouns? I don't want to assume anything.

The Avatar is watching him with huge gray eyes, and Zuko knows without them even opening their mouth that they have no idea what he just said.

Oh damn me to Koh's lair, he thinks, heart sinking. Not only does the spirits-damned Avatar not know any of the other elements, they don't know hand-language. Honestly, Zuko doesn't know why he'd assumed that they would, the Yuyan guard their language with the same ferocity that they hunt their quarries.

"Is that… talking? With your hands?" The Avatar asks, eyebrows sliding up the blue arrow tattoo to the sky. Their voice is hushed and full of wonder. "Can you teach me that?"

Ah, a yes or no question. Zuko nods, then gingerly gets up, glancing around for his mask and picking it up where it lies next to the bed of green leaves that he'd been resting on. His blades are there too, and Zuko huffs slightly in relief as he slings them across his back. He looks at the mask, noting the large scratch in the lacquer on the left side of the forehead. That must've been some shot, he reflects, and kind of wishes he'd been able to see it.

"Uh, so I gotta get some frozen wood frogs for my friends, 'cause they're really sick," the Avatar, Aang, says awkwardly. "You want to come along? Do you have anywhere else to go? Katara could probably give you something for your head, if it's hurting you."

Zuko tugs his braid out of his shirt, cracks his neck, and gestures for Aang to lead the way.

Previous | Next

[odekiisu]

Fractions of Echo - VI - The Saga of Captain Rex’s Hair, Part the Second

The campaign had already been going on for far too long, and the men were exhausted. Apparently, the Captain and the Commander had somehow gotten pinned down at the bottom of a canyon with a small squad of troopers, with no way out that didn’t involve having to shoot their way through a whole battalion of clankers. They were stuck there for the better part of two days, before an extraction team made it to their position and got them out. By the time they got back to base, dark red dust was clinging to their armour and, if Echo’s experience of the dust on this karking planet was anything to go by, getting inside crevices that it should not be able to get to. But now, word was that they were close to victory, close to finally being able to get off this miserable ball of dust.

“Echo, Fives, a word?” the Captain’s voice came from somewhere behind them. As one, they turned, and the Captain indicated that they follow him to the command tent. As soon as they entered, the Captain removed his helmet.

Echo looked at Fives. Fives looked at Echo.

“Uh, Captain?” Echo asked. “You still have… a bit of that dust in your hair.”

Captain Rex ran a hand through his hair. “No, I don’t…” he started, then realization dawned. “Ah.”

“What’s that?” the Commander asked, entering the tent behind them. “Hey Rex, your roots are showing. You told me to tell you if that ever happens.”

The Captain turned to Commander Tano with a sigh. “So much for our company’s secret then.”

The Commander’s laugh was high-pitched and sounded like bells tinkling. Echo marvelled at how young she seemed – despite rationally knowing that she was older than him and Fives, older even than Captain Rex. But in this moment, he couldn’t take his eyes off the Captain’s hair, catching the light in odd ways. It certainly wasn’t black like his own, but neither was it the pale blond he usually sported, but more a shade of reddish bronze quite similar to the colour of his skin. Echo could see how it would be hard to spot under most circumstances.

“You know,” Commander Tano confided in them, “He used to be light blond like he normally is now, but as he got older his hair got darker.”

The Captain sighed. “Could I retain at least some sense of mystery?”

“Nope,” the Commander chirped, and added with a frankly adorable crinkling of her nose, “Hair is weird. Does it normally change colour that much?”

“Uhhh…” Fives looked to Echo, who replied, “…no? Not for us at least.”

“Huh.” The Commander hopped up on the table. “Now, about that strategy you suggested…”

***

“Hey,” Hardcase said, as he and Jesse bracketed Echo and Fives on their way back to barracks from their showers – and man, how great it felt to have an actual water shower after the mess of dust that was Florrum.

“Word is you’ve solved the mystery of the good Captain’s hair,” Jesse said.

“And what if we have?” Fives smirked.

“Care to enlighten us poor souls with the truth?”

Fives looked to Echo, mischief writ clear in his eyes. “What’s in it for us?”

“How about this: whoever the victor is will pay us a cut?” Echo suggested, raising an eyebrow.

“Deal,” Hardcase replied immediately.

“Hmm… I’ll have to think on it,” Fives said. “Give us a bit to think this over?”

“Oh, sure thing, take your time,” Jesse replied.

***

Echo approached Hardcase in his barracks. Jesse was nowhere in sight – he’d timed it well. “Fives and I agreed on it, and we know you know where this barracks’ stash of contraband is.”

Hardcase straightened up. “So you’re here to make a deal?”

Echo nodded. “Yes. I’ll tell you, in exchange for a bag of sweets. No less than a proper handful.”

Hardcase held up a finger before darting to the next bunk, digging around underneath it, and coming out with an unmarked box. He grabbed a handful from it, then held it out sheepishly. “No bag. Sorry.”

Echo nodded, taking the candy and distributing them between two belt compartments. “You were right,” he told Hardcase. “The Captain’s a natural blond.”

“Ha! Knew it,” Hardcase punched the air. “How did you find out?”

“Last campaign. He took his bucket off in the command tent, it was obvious that he hadn’t cut his hair in two weeks. Blond.”

***

Fives cornered Jesse after a drill. “So, it appears I have some information you want. What are you willing to pay for it?”

Jesse considered. “I may have some moonshine secreted away somewhere.”

“Hmmm… I’d take it for me, but Echo’s not much of a drinker, and I gotta share.”

“Chocolate, then?” Jesse offered. “You ever had chocolate? Lotsa people have bet chocolate on the outcome, and if your expression is anything to go by, I’m about to get a significant increase to my stash.”

Fives smirked. “Chocolate’s fine.”

Jesse nodded. They were almost at barracks, but Jesse took a sharp right just before they reached the door, leading Fives to a seemingly random service hatch in an alcove. “Keep an eye out, would you?”

Fives turned around and watched the corridor, but this was out of the way and none of the brothers walking past along the larger hallway connecting the gyms to the barracks even so much as glanced at them.

“Here,” Jesse said, handing a bag to Fives. “This enough?”

Fives opened it to see a decent quantity of chocolates, wrapped in sparkly multicoloured foil. “Perfect.” He unwrapped one and popped it into his mouth, the smooth sweet taste almost overwhelming him. “You’re right, by the way. Captain Rex does bleach his hair.”

***

Echo and Fives strode into Rex’s rarely-used office, their faces sporting matching smirks.

“Got something for me, boys?” he asked, setting the datapad and its requisition forms aside.

Echo set a small bag down on the Captain’s desk and slid it over to him. Rex opened it up to see a small handful of individually wrapped sweets – he recognized the Chandrilan chocolates, and the small round caramels, but the rest were a mystery he’d take great pleasure in discovering for himself. “Excellent,” he told them. “Thank you. How did they react?”

“Both fell for it,” Fives said. “I’m guessing they’ll find out tonight, if they haven’t already.”

“The barracks will be in an uproar,” Rex mused.

Echo agreed. “It’ll be absolute chaos. You want a holovid?”

“I don’t think giving incriminating evidence to me is the best idea… but then again, who’s to say the file won’t become corrupted immediately after I’ve watched it?” There was a mischievous twinkle in the Captain’s eyes, same as when they’d hatched this plan together.

Fives inclined his head. “It’ll be done, sir.”

Echo cleared his throat. “A question, if I may, sir?”

“Yes?”

“Why do you dye your hair?”

Captain Rex sighed. “I used to get a lot of flak for my hair colour as a cadet, but then… I guess I got used to it. Did keep my head shaved at one point, but when it grew back three shades darker, I realized that I missed the old colour. It looked distinctive. Sharp.”

Echo nodded.

“Anything else?” the Captain asked.

“No, sir,” Echo and Fives replied in unison, and the Captain dismissed them.

“Oh, and Captain?” Echo called over his shoulder. “Be grateful we haven’t told them about your premature grey hairs.”

The door hadn’t quite closed behind them when Echo heard it swoosh open again.

“Echo, report to LD-37 first thing tomorrow. You’ve got two shifts helping sort the laundry.”

Worth it, Echo thought.

(I - II - III - IV - V)

[mortyvongola2-0]

Proof of Strength

Chapter 2: Overwhelming Scent

Pairing: Alpha! Kylo Ren x Omega! Reader

Genre: multichapter, a/b/o fic, slowburn, 18+

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: sexual themes, dirty talk, grinding, strong language, a/b/o dynamics

Read it on AO3

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

When he pulled away, he said nothing, didn’t even spare you a second glance, just turned toward your door and made to leave. You started to crumple to the floor, your legs shaking and weak, heart in your throat. He cleared his throat and you turned your head so quickly you might’ve given yourself whiplash. A gasp tore from your throat and you reached out. In his large hand was a vial of your suppressing steroids. It took all of your strength to stand and approach him order to take it back.

Your efforts were thwarted, hopes crushed, as you watched him close his fist around the glass vial and smash it, the suppressing liquid, no longer contained, dripped from his once more open palm and onto the floor. He dropped the bits of glass and made sure to crunch them beneath his boot as he made his way out. When the doors shut behind him you began to panic. What had he done? One of those vials cost you half a month’s worth of credits, and you always made sure to stalk pile. You ran toward your bedside drawer, where you kept your stash, and opened the cloth bag you stored them in. A sob crawled its way into your chest. He had destroyed all of your vials, every last one, and you wouldn’t be able to afford any more for another two months!

 A tightness settled in your chest and you felt like hurling. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and you stood on your wobbly legs and erratically ran toward the doors. Your hands met the cold dura-steel and you paused. What could you do? For all you knew he had crushed your last vial, right in front of you. You smacked your head against the metal. You only had about three days before you needed your next injection, and if you didn’t take it you only had three more before your heat would start up. There had to be something you could do. “Kriff,” you grumbled, the tears finally slipping down your cheeks. “Kriff, kriff, kriffffffffff!”

 You kicked the door in your frustration, it didn’t budge, only made a loud clang as you fell back and gripped your foot in pain. The lights in your quarters flickered as you let out an angry shout. Your temper tantrum continued further into the night cycle, only stopping after your throat went sore with grumblings. What could you do? You would be stripped of your title, possibly tortured, more than likely killed once you were found out. Your toes ached, and you hit your head against the wall behind your bed. A thought struck you. You were on a ship full of alphas, so there had to be some suppression herbs somewhere. Someone had to have some you could borrow, or steal, and use on yourself until you could figure something else out…right?

 Determined, you rolled off of your bed and headed out of your room. The hallways were mostly empty, the skeleton night crew keeping the ship running while most of everyone else slept. You walked down the hall, trying to think of some alphas you knew. There was Captain Phasma, General Hux, and the Commander, all of which were out of the question, you weren’t really friends with any alphas, having done your best to keep them from scenting you. Lee and Avery were betas, most of your subordinates were betas as well. You wanted to groan again.

 “Oh,” you heard someone say and then call out your name. You looked up and saw Lee’s fling, Vanya, standing to your left. “What’re you doing up so late?”

 “Couldn’t sleep,” you replied.

 “Oh, I see,” she muttered. The air between the two of you was awkward, but you didn’t care. She adjusted her stance to cover her chest with her arms and cleared her throat. An odd scent hit your nose and you narrowed your eyes at her. It was a familiar scent, but you weren’t quite sure what it was. “Well, um, I’m working night shift tonight, so I better get back to it.”

 “Wait,” you called, and she blinked at you. You took one more deep breath in to try and identify the smell but failed. “What perfume are you wearing?”

 “Perfume?” Her head tilted to the side and you nodded. She lifted her wrist up to her nose and smelled it before she let out a soft laugh. “Oh, no, I’m not wearing a perfume. Its my herbs, silly.”

 “Herbs?” You blinked at her in surprise. “You’re an alpha? I had no idea.”

 “Yeah,” she brought a hand up to rub the back of her neck sheepishly. “I prefer to keep it that way. People tend to treat you differently if you have a designation like I do.” You could understand that and so you nodded to her. “I’m impressed that you could smell the herbs though, most betas don’t even notice.”

 “I have a strong nose,” you muttered. “You wouldn’t happen to have any extra herbs, would you? I uh, have a new programmer who needs them, and he’s not sure where to get any and is freaking out about it.”

 “Well, I don’t have anymore right now but you can always get some from medical or your commanding officer. Did they not supply you with any for your subordinates?”

 “No.”

 “Ah, then whoever you report to must have some. Be sure to let your cadet know, I need to get back to work.”

 “Alright, thank you Vanya,” you said and gave her a tight smile, your nerves on high alert.

 “No problem,” she said and waved back to you as she walked in the opposite direction.

 You had two options it seemed, raid medical and steal from them, or risk your life and career stealing from your favorite ginger General, as he was your commanding officer. You brought one of your hands up and rubbed at your temples to fend off the growing headache. With either option, if you were caught, you risked demotion, but if you stole from Hux and he was in a foul mood you risked death. You felt like crying again. If only Vanya had had some extras.

 The rest of the night passed slowly and the next day you went to work without any sleep and just as out of options as you had been before. You couldn’t decide what to do, and the cycles passed by without you taking any action. By the fifth day, one day before your heat could begin, you were nothing but stressed and panic. You hadn’t slept in four days, hadn’t eaten anything in three, and refused to drink anything but caff. Not only were your colleagues concerned for your health but so were your subordinates.

 “Lieutenant.”

 You jumped, startled out of your pacing, and faced the very man who had caused your poor state of being. “C-commander,” you stuttered, your mouth suddenly felt incredibly dry and you took a sip of your now cold mug of caff. “How can I help you sir?”

 He flexed his fingers, the leather creaking with his movements. His helmeted head tilted to the right. “You look rather stressed,” he commented.

 You grit your teeth. “I am currently working on a very important project.”

 “I see, you must be busy,” he gave a slight nod and you narrowed your eyes. What was he up to? He reached for his belt and you flinched, thought the worst, and prepared to be sliced in half by his saber. But he hadn’t grabbed his weapon, instead he grabbed a small vial from his pouch, it was filled with a familiar milky liquid. Your lips parted and you sucked in a breath. “I’ll just have to hold onto this until you have the time for it then.”

 “No!” You paused and shook your head, forcing yourself to calm down a bit. “Please, Commander I-I, that is-“ a hollowed noise escaped his vocoder and you watched his shoulders shift the slightest bit with it. He was making fun of you and your blood boiled. “Give it back,” you demanded.

 “Is the little omega frustrated?”

 “Wha-? Of course!”

 He stared at you, or at least you thought he was, and took a few steps closer to you. Again, he caused your body to go into fight or flight. Your omega instincts said to flee but your training said to fight. The two options were swirling in your mind, fighting against one another. By the time he was close enough you could see your breath fog against his helmet, you decided to fight. You brought one of your legs up in an attempt to knock his knees out from under him, but he easily caught your leg. Kylo pulled it up against his hip and pressed himself flush against you. You almost fell backward, his added weight and only having one leg to stand on caused you to begin to lose your balance. But his other hand pressed against your back and pushed you against him in kind.

 A shiver crawled down your spine. You’d never been this close to anyone before, let alone someone so powerful. His scent began to overwhelm your senses, and you almost whined. He had a strong grip on your calf and you weakly attempted to break it free. You couldn’t think, your heart was pounding in your chest from fear and excitement. He smelled of leather and spices. Ren brought the edge of your helmet down to the crook of your neck like he had days before, and again you craned your head away from him to give him better access. Being so close, when he chuckled this time, you could feel the vibrations in his chest and almost hear the voice of the man beneath the vocoder. “So pliant,” he stated in a lower tone. “It’s cute.”

 Your heart hiccupped. It was almost like you were paralyzed; your body too willing to obey your mind. But did you really want to leave this embrace? He smelled so good, and your stomach was in flutters. Your toes curled and you shut your eyes as you refrained from letting out a noise. His oversized hand moved from the middle to the small of your back, and you leaned into the hold. Your brain kept screaming grab the vial and run but your body cried stay and fuck just a bit louder. “Why are you doing this,” you breathed.

 “Because you’re mine,” he growled. His grip tightened on your black and on your calf, you leaned your head back and gasped as he ground his hips against yours. “If you want the vial, come and take it.”

 He stepped back from you, letting go of your leg and your back, you plopped to the ground with a very gracious “oof” and stared wide eyed up at him. Your body was still going haywire and it was incredibly difficult for your brain to comprehend what he’d said. Again, he was leaving you without a glance back. Only once he’d left the room, the blast doors closed behind him, were you able to break out of your stupor. Kylo’s scent was still all over you, your clothes and hair had soaked it up like a perfume. Shakily, you used your desk to get back on your feet and rubbed at your tired eyes. “Take it? How am I supposed to do that?”

 The rest of your workday continued, whether you wanted it to or not. You felt like your brain was melting and you were self-conscious about having the Commander’s scent all over you. It was obvious what people would think when they smelled it, and just the idea of having sex with Kylo Ren made you dizzy with fear and desire. You’d never even seen his real face before, so you chocked up your body’s response to your omega instincts. What else could it be? After all, you knew nothing about him, had never spoken with him before, and fear his wrath just like everyone else.

 “Yoohoo, anyone in there?”

 “Ah!” You jumped, adrenaline tingling through your body as you turned around to face your friend. “Avery, you almost made me drop my datapad.”

 “Sorry,” she giggled as she leaned against the doorframe. “I did knock. Not my fault you’re not paying attention.”

 “I suppose that’s fair,” you muttered and placed your work device back on your desk. “What is it? Is there a problem?”

 “No, I just came to tell you that it’s quittin’ time.”

 “Oh.”

 “Everything alright? You’ve been pretty off for the past few days,” she asked, concerned. She moved further into your office and placed a hand to your forehead. “You don’t feel like you have a fever, but you look pale.”

 “I’m just a bit home sick is all,” you tried and waved your hand to try to brush her off. She snorted in response to your statement.

 “As if, you can’t lie to me. I know you hate that junk heap. Come on,” she pleaded. A frown marred her pretty face and you sighed, hating having to lie to her. Avery was genuinely concerned for you, and you felt guilty. “What’s going on? You know you can tell me anything.”

 You bit your lip and stood from your desk. “The Commander is, well, he’s seen fit to torture me lately.”

 “Really?” The taller woman placed a hand to her chin in thought. “Do you think it has anything to do with you almost running into him the other day?”

 “I believe so,” you responded and walked around your desk. A sigh escaped you and you gripped the door frame to steady yourself, feeling lightheaded and tired. “Let’s drop it and go get some dinner. Today’s your favorite, right?”

 “Yeah, tonight’s meal is a specialty from my home planet,” she cheered and sped her walk to catch up to you. Avery placed her arm around your shoulders and began to drag you along with her. “Lets find Lee and go!”

  You smiled up at her and nodded. A feeling of dread began to spread through your chest as you thought of how little time you’d have left with your friends if you didn’t get that vial back from Kylo Ren.

[chick-from-nz]

Paper, Scissors, Rank (Ch: 4)

CHARACTER/PAIRING: Modern!Carrillo x Army!OC (eventually) 

WARNINGS: maybe some swearing, military slang, more military talk,  spelling and grammatical errors. Flippy floppy points of view and tenses. Could be very OOC/AU for some. Carrillo may not be narcos accurate as this is an AU. Some OC x OC 

AUTHORS NOTE:  big thanks to @1zashreena1 and @girlpornparadise for letting me bounce ideas off them  while writing this, hopefully y'all enjoy this and finally, they meet! My first time writing this way so, be nice?

WORD COUNT: 2.1k

CHAPTER:   4 OF ?

TAG LIST (OPEN): @girlpornparadise @1zashreena1 @xxidontwikeitxx @nicke0115 @allalngthewtchtower @lettherebrelight 

 It's as if running into a wall of muscle knocked some sense into her. The name on the shirt scared her enough to trigger her cadet instincts to kick in quickly to allow her to shake the hands off, step back, and salute, despite being inside, which was a tradition reserved for only the army. She held the salute for longer than necessary, wondering why the officer in front of her wasn’t returning it, instead just staring at her with one gorgeously sculpted eyebrow raised. Begrudgingly she dropped her arm, salute unreturned, and an embarrassed look on her face.

“Sir?” the title came out as more of a question than a statement like it normally would. Confusion was spreading through her brain like wildfire, this was new to her. Why was the high ranking officer, the highest she’d ever been in the presence of other than her father, not returning the mark of respect that had been drilled into her since a kid, although, given he wasn’t from around here, it may not be something he is used to. That and he probably never associates with someone that is as low of a rank as herself.   

“Perfect just the Cadet I was looking for, although I must say, not the meeting I was expecting” 

Fuck, that voice, I think I’m in love. Was the first thought that came to mind. That voice, gravely and like the richest of chocolates dossed with the slightest accent, matched the attractive man that stood before her, and hearing it oh so close to her, it made her insides melt. Her imagination definitely had not done his voice justice during any day dream that contained the handsome Colonel in front of her. Oh and how glorious those daydreams were, thinking about a particular dirty one where those huge arms of his were wrapped tightly around her, while his chest was pressed so tightly against her back had her blushing the spot.  Damn it what is it with me and crushing on the higher ups, get a grip girl! 

His words finally clicked in her head. “I’m sorry Sir, what do you mean you were looking for me?”. The confusion was most definitely evident on her face. 

The Colonel chuckled lightly, dark eyes fixated on the cadet before him. “I was made aware that the LT. Colonel was to inform the squadron of my choice tonight, is that not what happened Cadet?” 

Confusion once again hit Greyson full force. Did Sinclair know the whole time that someone had been picked. Of course he did, he said they had been informed, but according to the Colonel in front of her, he knew the exact Cadet that had been chosen. Why hadn’t he said anything to them then?.  

It was at the end of the previous thought that the Cadet deflated, maybe he had told the cadet that had been selected, but it just wasn’t her. Shame ran through her like a lead bullet, of course she wouldn't have been chosen, what Colonel in their right mine would chose a Cadet who had been swept up in a rumour that she was fucking the LT. Colonel in charge of overseeing the entirety of the training squadron just so she could make her way to top recruit. 

“Cadet? I asked you a question”. His tone was clipped. Harsh but straight to the point, and just the right amount of authority to snap the cadets attention from  being in her own thoughts to looking him dead in the eye. Before she quickly averted her gaze to stare at his boot, that alone made him smirk. Good , he thought, she knows her place. 

“I’m sorry Sir, I ummm, I got lost in my thoughts, and umm, no the, ah, the LT. Colonel did not inform us of who you had picked, Sir...” Greyson stuttered, the Colonel was quite the intimidating man up close. All broad shouldered, straight backed and cold facade. If she was being quite honest with herself, she thought the rumours of his brutality might well be true from where she was standing. The way he was watching her was like a predator waiting for his prey to make the one wrong move that would land them in his jaws. A shiver  of fear ran down her spine at the thought. 

The Colonel huffed in annoyance. “Then I suggest you spend less time in your head and more time paying attention, especially when being addressed by a senior officer, Cadet! A mistake like that will get one of your crew killed if you're not careful” 

The cadets stomach plummeted at the thought, she knew all too well what would get a fellow soldier killed, her father liked to remind her that during her weeks leading up to her enlistment. The countless horror stories that had her waking up in a cold sweat had instilled a deep fear of failure within the cadet, but she had not let that show throughout her training, least of all her father hear off it through the chain of command. 

Flustered, Greyson replied with a quick, “I’m sorry Sir, I really am”, only to be laughed at by the Colonel.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it when someone dies Cadet, I’m sure you know that all too well with what your father has done, don't let his mistakes become your own!” The final part was growled out with an anger that permeated the air. 

Greyson swallowed down her rising anger and levelled the officer in front of her with a glare. It was a well known fact amongst the instructors that mentioning her father struck a nerve within her and set her off, many a time she had been reprimanded for near miss fights from her fellow cadets pulling the dad card around her. The cadet figured that either the Colonel knew this and was trying to get a rise out of her, or just knew of her father's past indiscretions and was trying to use it to discredit her. It didn’t matter which thought she pondered more, both made her blood boil just as much. 

Trying to keep a cool demeanor around the officer in front of her was a struggle. He was smirking at her like he just had just won the lottery, all tight lipped and cocky. He had got her hook, line and sinker, she had fallen for his trap. Giving a frustrated huff the cadet looked away from the smug officer in front of her, hoping for something to grab her attention so she could dispel her anger. It seemed however, the Colonel wasn’t done just yet. 

“Yes I know all about Daddy dearest and his mistakes, Greyson. It's a wonder you even bothered to enlist with all the hatred and dishonesty that follows your name around.”. 

He knew exactly what he was doing, if this was the cadet he was going to steal away from the signal corps then he needed her to rebut him, yell at him, something. Anything that would show some hard spirit that would be needed to complete the daily brutality and challenges that would likely come from being in his team. He had heard what she was capable of, now to just see it for himself. 

“Cat got your tongue Cadet? Or are you used to being fucked over in a different kind of way by your superiors. Must be nice to have the LT. Colonel at your beck and call doing your bidding for you and getting you the points to become top cadet. Isn't that right Greyson?” The teasing lilt to his tone was seemingly lost on the cadet in front of him. He watched as waves of varying emotions crossed her face. Something akin to shame crossed first, followed closely by what he assumed was embarrassment, only to be followed by, once more, anger. Which seemed to be this cadets’ default emotion. 

Greyson had never once felt this much anger in one go, yes she knew the Colonel was trying to get a rise out of her, and mentioning her father usually did the trick. The idea that he was discrediting her based on rumours and one small sighting of something that definitely wasn’t a professional interaction with the Lt. Colonel during the assessment day somehow struck a nerve so deep she was sure that this feeling was beyond anger, in fact, she was livid. He didn’t know anything about her and he was going to insinuate that! Oh he definitely had another thing coming.

“Respectfully. Sir.” Greyson quipped in a bratty tone, “You don’t know the first thing about me, so you have no right to insinuate that I am sleeping my way to the top!” her distaste for the Colonel before her was growing by the second, “I would have thought it well below your rank to believe the rumours of jealous school girls, but i guess I was wrong. Seems like you aren’t much of a fucking Colonel at all!”. The final words of the sentence were growled out in a tone so low it would have scared her fellow cadets half to death. Her eyes were alight with emotion, her eyes turning a deep green in colour, pupils constricted. The anger was rolling off her in waves. 

“There it is, that's the cadet I had heard all about. Daddy’s little mimic”. His grin was bordering maniac, he was pushing her buttons and striking the nerves he had hoped to, it was just a matter of seeing how much further she was willing to go to defend herself and her reputation. But he knew for sure now, this was his cadet. 

Those words and that stupidly attractive grin was the last straw for the cadet. Without really processing her next move she curled her right hand into a fist and aimed directly for the underside of that chiseled jaw of his, hoping for a knockout, even if she’d face a potential discharge because of it. This man had fucked her off one too many times for her to internalise these emotions. 

The punch thrown at him probably would have knocked him out too, if he hadn’t had the years of experience chasing down criminals in Colombia. He had seen the way her body had gone taught, fist curling, before she had wound her arm back and thrown it forward towards him with such conviction and determination that would have made him proud, if he hadn’t been trying to prove a point. Her plan failed though as he caught her wrist, her fist a mere inch from its intended target. He used her wrist as leverage, while taking a step forward, and slammed her, not all that gently, into the wall behind her.

The air was knocked out of Greyson in an instant, instead of hitting her target, she had ended up pressed between the Colonels’ hard body and the wall behind her. His mouth hovered over her ear, breath hot with each passing exhale, the shiver that wracked her body was not one of fear this time. It seemed as if minutes passed by, she could feel every hard ridge of his body pressed into hers. From his strong thighs right up to his too defined pecs that were pinning her against the wall. He was so close his belt buckle was digging into her stomach. 

She released a shaky breath at the thought. This bastard of a man had pushed her to her breaking point and now held her against the wall like it was nothing. She struggled against him for a short moment, feigning an escape, but he just pushed her wrist closer to the wall and his body impossibly closer to her own. Quiet the compromising situation. 

Carrillo huffed out a laugh at the way the cadet struggled beneath him before slumping in defeat. He had her exactly where he wanted her, she had shown her hand and was now at his mercy. 

“I definitely made the right choice” he murmured against the shell of her ear, delighting in the way she let out the smallest of gasps. “I’d say congratulations, but I guess that's not needed. You're on the team Cadet” and with those final words he released her from his hold and took a step back. Noting the way she slumped against the wall without his support. He had to smirk while taking in her disheveled appearance, she looked positively wrecked. With that final thought he adjusted his uniform and disappeared down the hallway in search of the LT. Colonel, leaving a very confused and very flustered cadet in his wake

[aj-writes-here]

can i have one where levi is annoyed he keeps having to do work when all he wants to do is cuddle with his s/o and baby?

Idk why the heck I’m writing at this time of the night, but I managed to finish it! It turned out a little bit more fluff than I expected. I don't know if this is what you wanted, but I hope you like it😅

A Stressful Day Ends Right

Paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork over his desk. Why the fuck did he have to be checking those filthy reports now? It was past nine pm, and he should be home by now, but no. He was stuck with the shitty paperwork. And annoyed as hell. He should be with his woman and his eight months old baby, not in his office with an empty cup of tea, and if he saw another letter of those reports he was going to go crazy.

—Dammit.

He cursed while looking over the one that seemed like the last report left, finally. It was probably the longest of all the ones he had seen so far, but it was his key to go back home. Once it was done, he gathered all of the documents and called for a cadet to leave them in Erwin's office. He was about to leave, but a voice stopped him right on his track.

—Captain Levi—A cadet said, a scared look on his face while saluting him. He felt slightly amused every cadet had the same look when they looked at him.

—What the hell do you want—He snapped.

—Commander Erwin needs you in his office, there's an emergency meeting.

A meeting? Why the fuck would Erwin had asked for a meeting at this time? Levi clenched his teeth, and the young cadet disappeared before he could say something to him.

He sighed, walking back to the Commander's office. He was not the only one, other Squad Leaders were there, and of course other ranks. The meeting was nothing big, just to discuss some aspects of the budget and how to use it with the equipment, food, and all of those shits that were not important to him, at least not now. After almost an hour of discussion, he was set free. Levi scarcely said goodbye to Erwin and almost killed Hanji with a simple gaze when she asked if he could help her with her experiments some other day.

It was a warm night, a slight cold breeze covered his body when he left the HQ but it was not a big deal. Levi and y/n house was near the place of operations, it was easier for both, Captain and Squad Leader.

It didn't take him more than twenty minutes to arrive, it was a small house but comfortable, warm, and clean. What else could he ask for? Making his way into his home, the first thing sounding in his ears was a cry.

When he got to the room he shared with y/n, Levi saw her carrying the little boy, trying to make him calm.

—You look like crap—Levi said—

—I know, thanks for noticing—She furrowed her lips. It had been a long day, and y/n had barely found time to eat properly. 

—I'll take a quick shower and then the night is yours, I'll look after the brat—Levi left a brief kiss on his lover's forehead, and poked the baby's cheek with his index finger. 

—You're the best, that's why I love you—y/n smiled, she knew he was tired as fuck so that was the least she could do for him.

—Tch, I know.

After saying that, Levi disappeared inside the bathroom, it was something quick just to remove the remains of the day, and of course, no way in hell he was going to hold his son with that dirty and full of germs uniform. He dressed in some slack pants, and a plain shirt, at least it was Friday and he had the weekend off, that only weekend. It was a fair moment to relax.

Levi saw y/n sitting on the bed, trying to calm the cry of the baby.

—What is wrong with him?—He asked walking towards the bed.

—No idea, he's been like this almost the entire day. He ate, I changed him, the only thing missing was to have a conversation with him about the meaning of life—Despite being tired, she laughed.

—Maybe your face scares him—At his dry joke, she punched him lightly on his shoulder. Levi let out a voiceless exhalation indicating he was joking. 

—Someone ate a clown for dinner, apparently—She told him in response, giving him a brief kiss on his lips after.

—Go and do whatever you need to do, I'll handle him.

When the baby was in his father's arm, the crying stopped. His eyes were looking at Levi with full attention as if he were a weird object. The older man raised an eyebrow, and one of the baby's hand grabbed one of his dark locks, of course, he was developing his motor skills and he was grabbing anything in his way, didn't care if it was his father hair or nose. The little boy let out a happy laugh, forgetting about the teary eyes.

—I think someone has been missing you—she said in surprise at the sudden change of attitude— I have to say I'm a bit jealous.—y/n laughed, and after giving his son a short kiss on his head she made her way to the bathroom.

Levi sat on his side of the bed, laying his back on the headboard, and he bent his legs, letting his son's small back rest on his thighs.

He looked at the little creature with his usual bored face, but he couldn't deny that his kid was his greater joy. Levi grabbed one of his hands and shake it slowly up and down, making the baby giggle.

—You are going to be a pain in the ass when you're older, Theo—He said as if his son could understand him— I bet you'll be stubborn as hell.

He poked his cheek again, he was not the type that would speak to a baby with a high pitched tone or using ridiculous names to point things, but he could poke his cheeks, play with his hands, and always be there for him.

Letting out another giggle, Theo's small hand landed hard over Levi's nose, squeezing it tightly.

—Tch, stop it, you brat—He grabbed him by his wrist and try to take him away from his nose slowly, but it was a complicated task. Someone was going to have his father’s strength and mother’s willing. When the kid finally set him free from his grip, his hand small hand went to his mouth.—Oi, Theo. Don't put your filthy hands in your mouth.

Levi said with a louder voice, but it only made the boy giggle again. This time taking his hand away from his mouth was easier. He grabbed a cloth that was on his nightstand so he could clean Theo's hand.

They just stood there, looking at each other with profound curiosity, both of them trying to analyze and comprehend the strange creature in front of their eyes. They didn't even notice y/n coming out of the shower, nor did they notice the smile on her lips when she saw her two boys interacting in their very specific way.

After finally eating something, y/n went back to her room. Her heart melted at the scene, Levi was now laying on the bed with Theo sleeping on his chest, his hand was over his head as if he were trying to protect him from everything, and of course, he was going to protect him from all the dangers. Levi was tired, he had been working non stop, and now it was past midnight and yet there he was, attentive to everything.

—Try to sleep, Levi. I'll take him to the crib—She spoke lowly.

—Nonsense, I will. You get some damn rest.

The black haired man sat down thoughtfully, holding Theo on his arms while he walked to his room. Levi looked at his son sleeping peacefully on his arms, and he internally cursed Erwin for making him stay longer with that meeting and the paperwork, but at least he was going to have a weekend at home, it was something. Certainly, being a father was not on his plans, but now his baby boy was there, he swore to love him and protect him with his life. His expression softened just for a bit and he left a very simple kiss on his forehead, setting him down on his crib, covering him with the blankets.

Now back in his room he got rid of his shirt, and then he set himself under the sheets.

—Sorry for being late—He said.

—Don't be. I know how stressful things can get there, so don't think about breaking anyone's legs.

—Tch, where's the fun then.—Levi looked at her with an elevated eyebrow.

—You're an ass—y/n couldn't help but laugh while she held her weight on the side of her body so she could kiss him properly, just after she placed a kiss on his bare chest, right over a scar.

—You love me—Levi said, looking at her and poked the tip of her nose with his index finger, just as he did with Theo.

—That kid is going to be so stubborn—y/n said laughing at remembering her son not wanting anything with her but giving in when Levi arrived.

—If the brat is stubborn, it will be because of you.

—You wish—with a big smile, she left another playful kiss on his cheek.

She rolled on her side and immediately felt Levi holding her by her waist, nuzzling his face near hear. He kissed her shoulder for a few seconds and then is head went back to the pillow, holding her against his torso. She just loved those soft moments she could have with him, especially after a day of being doing different tasks, both of them exhausting. Maybe they were going to be lucky and Theo was not going to wake up in the middle of the night, so they could use those hours to hold each other and try to sleep for a bit. Even though Levi got home and have spent time with his son and y/n, he was still going to break Erwin's legs. At least figuratively.

[ayatosmlktea]

great minds think alike :DDD. alright, may I request a scenario where reader is in a poly relationship with mike and Levi. she's been getting harassed by some MPs but she never brought it up bc she knows how busy they are. however, one day Levi and mike see her getting harassed and they just spring into action, just protective men over reader ya know. also thank you for the opportunity for letting me request this idea!

A/N: Thank you for requesting this :) I’ve never written a poly relationship before but I hope you like it!

𝑾𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒓 ❤️

Y/N grits her teeth as she walks back to her room for the night trying to ignore the two MPs trailing behind her. Erwin had some annual business to tend to in the capital and had brought a few higher ranking soldiers with him, namely Hanji, Levi, Mike and her. She had recently been promoted to squad leader and Erwin had thought it was good experience for her to come with them to see what kind of responsibilities she would have. She wasn’t complaining, after all she would be able to spend some time with her two lovers when no one else was around. No one knew that Y/N had been in a relationship with Levi and Mike for the last few months.

“What’s a moron like you doing with commander Erwin?” Jackson sneers catching up to her quick stride.

“Guess someone decided to be a little slut for the commander to get promoted.” Tyler laughed and high fived his friend. Y/N felt her blood boiling as she willed every cell in her body to keep walking.

The three of them had gone through cadet training together and after she’d rejected both their offers for a date they’d made it their sole mission to make her life miserable. She had fallen short of graduating with the top 10 by one spot and they had rubbed it in her face constantly. Y/N hadn’t really cared about it that much since her goal hadn’t been to join the Military Police anyway, but it wouldn’t have hurt to have been one of the top ten in her class.

Throughout the week that they’d been in the capital, the pair had relentlessly been making snide remarks about her, commenting on her incompetence to be a squad leader and how she wouldn’t make it past the next expedition without killing everyone. She hadn’t said anything to Mike or Levi, both of them were already so busy that she didn’t want to burden them with her problems, especially when their relationship was still fairly new. Besides, they would be going back to HQ tomorrow so all she had to do was survive one more night.

She had been so close to reaching the door to her office when Jackson had grabbed her from behind and threw her up against the wall, his hands holding her shoulders in place and nudging his leg between her thighs so that she was unable to move.

“So L/N, tell us. Is it only eyebrows that you get wet for or do you just spread your legs for anyone?” Her face grew dark as she scowled at the two men in front of her.

“Go fuck yourselves, you guys don’t know shit. I worked for my fucking promotion unlike you pathetic pieces of shit.” Her eyes blaze with anger, but inside she was starting to get nervous. It was late, most of the soldiers had gone to bed and she was outnumbered. Sure she was strong but not strong enough to fight off two tall aggressive men.

Tyler’s eyes narrowed as her grabbed her hair in a painful grip and pulled her head back.

“Now now L/N, that’s no way to talk to your superior officers. You know we can make you disappear right? Keep mouthing off like that and you’ll regret your worthless existence.”

“What the fuck did you just say?” Her eyes dart over to see Levi and Mike standing a few feet away and she lets out a sigh of relief. Both men immediately freeze, neither one moving to let go of her.

“If you don’t want us to break every bone in your useless shitty bodies you’ll leave Y/N the fuck alone.” While Levi was considerably shorter than Jackson and Tyler his entire being gave off such authoritative and threatening vibes that he seemed to tower over them.

“Oi, are you fucking deaf? I said let her go.” Jackson shoves her back against the wall and mutters something under his breath with Tyler trailing behind him. Mike catches her as her legs give way, she hadn’t realized that she was shaking until then. He scoops her up in his arms and they make their way back to her room. Levi hadn’t said anything to her yet and she feared that he might be mad at her for not defending herself from them.

As soon as the door was shut, Mike sat down on the couch and immediately began to fret over her.

“Are you okay love? Did they do anything?” She shakes her head unable to make eye contact with either man. She felt ashamed at being caught in such a weak position, they’d always told her that they admired her strength and now she felt disappointed at not living up to their expectations. Her small frame begins to shake as she sobs uncontrollably. Mike pulls her into his chest and starts to rub small circles on her back while whispering words of reassurance in her ear. She feels the couch dip as Levi sits next to them.

“I’m sorry for being weak, I tried to get away but they were too strong.” She hiccups through her tears.

“Tch, what are you apologizing for? You did nothing wrong Y/N. We’re sorry we weren’t there for you, how long have they been bothering you?”

“All week, I rejected them years ago but they won’t leave me alone.” She sighs heavily, already feeling drained from the events of the night.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Mike pulls back staring at her as she averts her gaze in shame.

“I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t handle myself and you’re both so busy I just figured I could deal with it for a week.” Levi grabs her chin in his hand and forces her to look at him. She had expected to see disgust or disappointment on his face but she was met with what looked like regret and love mixed together.

“You’re such an idiot sometimes, Y/N. You’re our woman, we love you for you. We might be busy but we’re never too busy for you. Next time something like this happens you come to us right away.”

“You love me?” She asks hesitantly, looking back and forth between them. A light shade of pink spread across Mike’s cheeks and Levi rolls his eyes.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Once again her eyes start to well up with tears, this time not from fear or sadness but happiness.

“What’s wrong? You don’t have to say it back Y/N, we just want you to know that we care about you.” Mike explains while panicking a bit at her unexpected reaction cause her to snort.

Shaking her head she grabs their hands and pulls them to her chest. “I love you too, both of you. I’m so lucky to have both of you.”

Shortly after that, the three of them had showered and gone to bed, Y/N in the middle with Mike at her back and Levi in front. Their legs tangled together beneath the sheets and their arms wrapped around her protectively. She smiles to herself and thanks whatever gods are up there that she had two amazing men looking out for her. Craning her neck back she presses a kiss to Mike’s lips and then Levi’s before falling into a blissful slumber.

Masterlist

[mage-cat]

A Fire to Beat Back the Dark, Chapter 2

Hey, less than a month between chapters. That’s pretty good for me.

...

Yes, I know, I need to work on that.

Anyway, read on to see the Rebellion’s introduction to defector-from-the-Horde Catra and see Adora and Catra get some Shadow Weaver closure. ~3,000 words.

Chapter 1 here.

Chapter below the cut. Link to AO3 version through here.

By the time the trio arrived at Bright Moon about an hour before dawn, Bow and Glimmer had gone back to bed, letting others take over their watch duties. Queen Angella was awake, however, and willing to accept Adora telling her that the best place to update her on how the night's mission had gone was the edge of the Whispering Woods.

As they approached where Swift Wind and Catra had hidden themselves from easy view, the sound of a lively, if hushed, conversation could be heard. Adora could have sworn that the phrase 'beast-kin discrimination' was somewhere in there. She made a point to say something somewhat loud and largely pointless to Queen Angella, alerting the two of their arrival. By the time they were all in sight of each other, Catra had taken on the stance of a cadet awaiting an officer's displeasure, back straight and head bowed.

It was a pose Adora had seen her take countless times, often out of the corner of her eye while she did the same, but this was the first time she saw it and found herself wondering how much it hurt Catra's pride to take it. The subservience required of them as budding soldiers that had felt harsh but necessary at the time seemed much more cruel when applied to a Princess with fire in her heart, and whatever else they had been told, that was what Catra had always been. How bad of a friend had she been for not realizing how much it had hurt Catra sooner?

Still, the stance was the best choice for someone asking for permission to enter the castle she had led an attack on barely more than a month before, and Adora and Swift Wind flanking her helped give Catra credibility while she explained Hordak's displeasure with her and the actions that led her to coming into contact with the Black Garnet. A flame from her hand lit her face as she told the queen, “The Fright Zone is my home, more than I ever realized, and I want Hordak out of it.”

That was how Catra came to enter Bright Moon hidden under a hooded cloak to prevent panic in whoever might catch sight of her until she could present her case to the Rebellion at large.

---

“I have made contact with a previously unknown Princess who has connected with the Black Garnet,” Adora announced to the gathered rebels.

“Scorpia's not unknown,” said Frosta.

“It's not Scorpia.”

“Besides,” Glimmer said, “no one in Scorpia's family has ever been able to use the Black Garnet, not in any recorded history anyway.” She turned back to Adora “Where is she?”

“Nearby, but first you all have to understand. The only reason she was able to even get close to the Black Garnet at all is because she first worked her way far up into the Hoard's ranks.”

“Did you know her?” asked Perfuma.

“Will you vouch for her?” asked Frosta.

Adora bit her lip. “When I was in the Horde, there wasn't anyone I trusted more. Since I've joined the Rebellion… She would say we were stupid if we didn't keep a close eye on her.”

Bow and Glimmer looked uneasy. Adora had barely spoken to them over the course of the morning, saying that it was best to wait for the meeting to fill everyone in at once, but the two of them were going to put the pieces together quickly now.

Mermista was the first one to speak up. “At least she sounds honest. I like her already.”

Catra appeared through a well-concealed service door and walked up to stand by Adora. “I think that's as good as I'm going to get.”

Glimmer stood up, her hands on the table. “Catra?! Catra is the new Princess?!”

“Yeah,” Catra said holding her hands out. She let the flames build there until they were high enough that everyone at the table could clearly see them and her control of them. “It shocked me too.”

“And for the record, I don't know of any Horde tech that can do that. She's not faking.”

“Just so we're clear,” Perfuma said as Catra brought her hands together to smother the flames. “This is the same Catra who you once said would kill us all in front of you to make you suffer.”

“Wow, Adora, I don't know whether to be glad to hear you think I have the skills to pull that off or upset at your opinion of my morals.” Catra figured that pointing out that the gathered Rebellion members would be of more use to the Horde as hostages than martyrs wouldn't be useful at the moment.

“I'm just glad to hear you admit that you have morals.” Adora gave a wan smile. “I was describing a worst case scenario. You angry at me is always a worst case scenario.”

“Look, everyone, I know you all are going to be suspicious of me. I would be too. So here's something that may ease your minds a bit. This isn't actually a big priority shift for me. My plan was always to take control of the Fright Zone and the Horde away from Hordak. I may have been raised to be a Horde soldier, but I dream of never having to take orders from anyone ever again.”

Catra looked around the table, seeing her words sink in with the desired effect. For Adora that meant a look of grim understanding. For most of the others it meant a look of dawning realization. As children, they may have had to listen to their parents or other caretakers. In the years since, they may have agreed to plans that included taking direction from people with information or understanding that they lacked. But no one had ever, ever taken away their choice to say ‘No.’ The question ‘Why?’ had never been meet with ‘Because I said so,’ followed by the threat of punishment for their insolence. Every one of them was clearly thinking about how they would have chafed under being forced to live such a life. A few of them may have even moved on to realize that if Catra had come to them under any other circumstances, as anything other than a fellow Princess looking to take back her land, she would have been subordinate to them. However kindly or playfully worded, there had always been a chance that one of the Princesses would pull rank, making them no different from any Horde officer as far as she had been concerned.

She continued, “Before, the plan was to impress Hordak, and be such a good officer that he named me his successor, and no one would question it if he met an untimely end shortly after. But now, I have a claim that has nothing to do with Hordak, so instead of waiting to stab him in the back, I can go ahead and stab him in the front. And if you all help me do it… Well, that will make diplomatic relations between the Hoard and the Rebellion go a whole lot smoother afterwards. Won't it?”

“The main duty of any She-Ra is to maintain the harmony of Etheria by working with the Princesses, all of them. Being Catra's enemy confirmed something I already knew. That she is a highly capable combatant and the best tactician I know. I want her on our side. I need her on our side.”

“What about trust?” Glimmer asked.

“Trust can be earned.” Adora said.

“It's a bit hard to repair after it's been broken though,” said Catra, “but I'm willing to try if you are. I can probably get you Scorpia. Entrapta will be a harder sell.”

Perfuma's eyes widened. “Entrapta's alive?!”

“You didn't tell them? That's cold,” Catra said in Glimmer and Bow's direction before turning back to Perfuma. “Yeah, I found her crawling around in the ductwork two days after your rescue mission. Between the Horde's advanced technology and the First Ones' tech I've been swiping for her, I'm pretty sure she's never been happier. As long as she can keep making Hordak's machines work better than he can, she's his favorite.”

“We offered to rescue her,” Glimmer said. “She turned us down. And she's the one who froze the Whispering Woods.”

“She was really excited for the chance to 'hack the planet'. Now she's working on Hordak's portal technology along with weapon design.”

“A portal to what?” asked Bow.

“Where he came from as far as I can piece together. All I know about that is that he made a machine to mimic the air of the place to make some of his tech work better.” Thinking of the machine in action made her rub her throat at the memory. “And I can't breathe it.”

Silence hanging in the air for a moment until Frosta said, “If he wants to leave Etheria, that could solve most of our problems.”

“If he wants to bring in reinforcements, that could make things a lot worse for us,” said Bow.

“It's best if we stop him before he gets it working, and I'm not just saying that because I want to secure access to the Black Garnet,” said Catra.

“Yeah, and our last mission into the Fright Zone went so well,” said Mermista.

“See,” said Catra, “your problem then was that there are two people on Etheria who know the Fright Zone better than anyone else. Before, you only had one of them. Now, you have both. Plus, the Horde is now minus Shadow Weaver, and she was their only magic-user.”

Glimmer asked, “Does Hordak know you're here?”

“As far as anyone in the Horde knows, I'm chasing Shadow Weaver. With the deadline on me, it will morning after tomorrow before anyone should officially care where I am. The only person I talked to about the Black Garnet before I left was Scorpia, and she should have bought my story that I just hoped that whatever information she had about it might help me track our escaped prisoner. I still can't believe she came here.”

“Shadow Weaver knows she's in my head,” said Adora. “She just misjudged how. Maybe if she realized how many of my nightmares revolve around her, she wouldn't have thought breaking into my room in the middle of the night was such a good idea.”

“And you're the one she liked.”

“She thought I was a more useful tool. That's different.”

“So how exactly did Shadow Weaver go from second-in-command to prisoner? That sort of feels like a hole in your story,” said Glimmer.

“She kept devoting time and resources to bringing back Adora after Hordak told her to stop. That got her on his bad side. The breaking point was how she reacted to Entrapta experimenting with the Black Garnet. She felt that, because she had been the only one drawing power from it for years, it was hers. Hordak felt otherwise.”

“Yes,” said Castaspella as she entered the room, “whether she is called Shadow Weaver or Light Spinner, that woman does not like to give up power. I'm glad to know her days of terrorizing people are over.”

“Castaspella, this is Catra,” Adora said. “She was my friend in the Horde, and we just found out that she's the Princess linked to the Black Garnet.”

“With Shadow Weaver talents, she likely figured that out a very long time ago. I'm sure her attentions were very close and unpleasant.”

“To say the least,” said Catra.

“I want to get her behind proper magical wards as quickly as possible. I'm sure you both would rather see her leave instead of finding out that I spirited her away while you were in the middle of a meeting.” Casta's gaze drifted meaningfully to Queen Angella, who had, to this point been silently observing the proceedings.

Angella said, “Seeing as how this has turned from a simple weekly update to a potentially more complicated planning meeting, I suggest that we reconvene after a break, assuming that everyone is agreed to allowing Princess Catra to be part of our plans.”

Most of the voices that came from around the table were reluctant, others were grumbling, but none of them said no.

Adora placed a hand on Catra's shoulder. “Welcome to the Rebellion.”

---

Adora's hand was still there as the two walked into the room were Shadow Weaver was being guarded with Castaspella following behind them, though their expressions were considerably more somber.

“Ah, Catra,” Shadow Weaver purred. “I knew Adora would be able to capture you if she put her mind to it.”

“I wasn't captured,” Catra replied, stepping away from Adora's hand. “I asked to come here. I know why you sent her after me though. I think it's the same reason you've ever done anything to me. You were trying to stop this.” She snapped and a small flame sprouted from a single fingertip, causing Shadow Weaver to tense. Catra moved and leaned forward until the fire was within inches of the broken mask. “You spent my life terrorizing me trying to make sure that this never happened. Trying to make sure I would never be as powerful as I could be. I would be justified in anything I wanted to do to you.” She blew out the flame. “But you're not worth the energy. You spent all those years scared of a child who could take your power from you. That makes you too pathetic to hate.”

“I should have had you thrown out of the Horde as soon as I realized your link to the Black Garnet.” Shadow Weaver snapped. “Adora's fondness for you and Hordak's plans be damned. What could possibly be the point of keeping a hostage against the good behavior of the queen of an exiled people?”

Catra's breath hitched for the moment before she recovered, straightening her back. “Your baiting me. You may even be baiting me with the truth. The thing is, as of now, you haven't said anything I didn't already know or could have guessed, and you likely aren't the best place I could find out the rest for sure. In the past day, I've learned more about where I came from than from a lifetime of listening to you. You would think that the woman who taught me the story of 'The Lookout Who Cried Princess' would have been more careful with her lies.”

Adora stepped forward, taking Catra's hand for comfort. “You're our past. We survived you. Now we have bigger problems to deal with, and a better world to make.”

Castaspella seemed to take that as her cue. “Shadow Weaver, formerly known as Light Spinner, you are under arrest for providing aid to an enemy of Etheria and the gross mishandling of the education of two potential magic-users, among other crimes.” As she used a fine chain, shining with magic, to bind the fallen sorceress’s hands behind her back she said, “I only wish Micah was here to see this.”

Shadow Weaver turned to Catra one last time. “I look forward to hearing about the first thing you burn down. I'm sure it will be a spectacular conflagration and a complete accident.” With a final shove from Casta, they departed.

Adora and Catra watched as they, along with several other sorcerers that had arrived from Mystacor as part of the escort, disappeared around a turn in the corridor. Bow, Glimmer, and Angella, who had been waiting outside the doorway, watched with them.

“Are you both alright?” the queen asked.

Catra had been taking slow, deep breaths. “I don't suppose that there's a training ground around here where we could set something up for me to burn down and get it over with?”

Queen Angella gave a small smile. “I think we can arrange something.”

---

Catra looked out on the training ground where there stood a dozen wooden crosses that had been draped in black and red fabric, each topped with a stuffed sack that had been crudely painted with an unmistakable mask. “You made me a bunch of Shadow Weavers.” Bow must have worked like a man possessed to put together so many while the rest of them had eaten lunch. She had been expecting something more along the lines of a hastily assembled pile of scrap wood. This level of thought was surprisingly touching.

“And I stuffed them with the driest straw I could find. Seriously, I only spent a few hours last night guarding her, and that was enough to make me look forward to watching this. It's not my best work, but I figured this was a quantity over quality sort of job.”

“I officially apologize for that time I threw you off a cliff. I'm sure you think other stuff I did was worse, but that was business. Messing with you guys playing hostage was fun.”

“Hey could you make me one of these?” Glimmer asked. “I know a single torture session and a few days of lingering curse is kinda nothing compared to being raised by her, but she said some stuff about my dad last night, and I have some aggression to work out.”

“I'll let you have two of mine.”

Glimmer accepted the peace offering with a smile and summoned her staff.

“That could leave five for each of us,” Adora noted.

“You get four, I get six, and you let me torch what you leave behind.”

“Sounds fair.” She readied her sword while Catra summoned flames to both her fists.

Shadow Weaver was right about one thing. It was a spectacular conflagration.

Onward to Chapter 3

[xxdragonwriterxx]

🔥Wings of Freedom (Part 1)🔥

A/N: FINALLY DONE WITH FINALS!!! Thank you everyone for being so patient and supportive while I’ve fought through the last few days of school, I really appreciate it. But I’m finally back now and with some new fics for you guys! Hope you enjoy, and stay safe out there! ❤️

Part 2 is here!

🐉 Song Recommendation: “Dear Fellow Traveller” By: Sea Wolf 🐉

~~~

Levi looked up from where he was sitting on the sofa in his lover’s office, reading a book, at the sound of (Y/N)’s pained groan. He found her trying to suppress a wince as pain shot up her spine, one of her hands reaching back to rub between her shoulder blades while she tried to focus on her work. Levi sighed. He knew she had injured herself somehow, either through training or on the last expedition, but she refused to tell him how or where she had gotten hurt. On top of that, she also refused to let him help her fix it, always batting his hands away and claiming she was fine. He knew she had a high pain tolerance, always had, but now he was getting annoyed with her. She just needed to shove down her pride and let him help her. She was human after all, she clearly wasn’t immune to pain.

Despite her obvious discomfort, (Y/N) continued to work diligently. It was rare that she was working later than him, but lately more work had been dumped on her desk per her request, her way of trying to help her superiors by lessening their load. Levi couldn’t help but feel pride swell in his chest as he watched her write. She was so hardworking, always trying to pitch in where she could. He knew she was tired, but she kept pushing herself to try to take some of the weight off the shoulders of her superiors, claiming they did way more than necessary and it should be no problem for her to help them out a little. She wasn’t even a superior officer, still only a cadet, despite her older age. It was that determination and willingness to take care of others and work hard that drew Levi to her in the first place. It was also what was about to give her a promotion to Squad Leader, one he knew she deserved as he watched her tackle the horde of papers in front of her.

Another wince of pain from her snapped him out of his thoughts and he frowned, the pride in his chest turning into concern. While he valued her work ethic, he sometimes condemned it, knowing she often failed to take care of herself in her efforts to take care of other people. Her hand was rubbing between her shoulder blades harder now, her face contorting into one of frustrated pain.

Making his decision, Levi stood up and slowly crept around behind her. He wished he could just walk up to her, bat her hand away and get to work on making her feel better, but aside from denying help from others, (Y/N) also had a slight fear of intimacy. She had always flinched or moved away when he touched her, and while she assured him it had nothing to do with him, Levi sometimes felt sick at the thought of her being uncomfortable with his touch. He had been warming her up to it, starting out with little things like brushing his fingers along her arm or holding her hand, but he had to take it slow. He had to be patient, otherwise she panicked.

(Y/N) was so engrossed in her work that she didn’t notice Levi come around until she felt a gentle brush on her arm. She tensed at first, but one look into those gorgeous silver eyes had her relaxing a bit.

“Hey Levi, I’m not keeping you up, am I? I’m almost done if you want to go to bed without me. You don’t have to stay in my office until I’m done, you can go back to your room whenever you want to.”

Levi shook his head. “You know I don’t sleep. And even if I did sleep, I wouldn’t be able to, knowing you were still working. Besides, I know you enjoy my company.”

(Y/N) smiled and chuckled at him. “Oh yes, you are just too irresistible, Levi. I think I would die right now if you left to go to sleep.”

Levi flashed her one of his rare smiles, just a subtle quirk of his lips, but (Y/N) beamed at him, making his heart beat like a drum for her. She had always had that effect on him, her smiles, laugh, and sparkling eyes scrambling his insides and setting his nerves on fire. Gods he loved this woman. It had taken him a long ass time to see it that way, needing both Erwin, Hanji, and a night of free-flowing alcohol to get him to admit it, but he did. 

He was willing to go slow for her, to move at the pace she was comfortable with, but he couldn’t wait until she would let him worship her body in the way he knew she deserved. He couldn’t wait until she would let him cuddle her close, run his fingers through her hair, kiss her until she was out of breath. He could feel his body tingling at the thought and forced himself to behave, reeling in his desire to kiss her senseless as he ran his hands down her back and over her sides.

“Well we can’t have that now can we?” Levi purred. “If you need me so much, I guess I have no choice but to stay here.”

(Y/N) hummed in response and turned back to the paperwork on her desk, not paying attention to Levi as he moved up behind her, his fingers gently trailing over the crest of her shoulder. She tensed again and Levi immediately shoved down the feelings of hurt that surfaced. He had no right to feel upset, she obviously just had a fear of intimacy, and he had to respect that.

“Levi?”

“Mmm?”

“What are you doing?”

“Helping. If I’m going to stay here, I might as well be useful.”

Levi paused to make sure she wouldn’t push him away, wanting nothing more than for her to be completely comfortable, before flattening his hand a little, allowing his touch to expand from just the tips of his fingers to the edge of his palm. She was still tense, but she didn’t move to push him away, instead going back to the papers in front of her, albeit working at a much slower pace now.

“Are you okay with this?” Levi asked softly, using his thumb to gently rub her shoulder.

(Y/N)’s heart melted. This man was so perfect. She knew it was hard on him, seeing her flinch away from him when he tried to touch her, knew he struggled with his self esteem, especially when all his life people have been afraid of him, only seeing him as a cold-hearted killing machine. She just couldn’t help it, her background rising up to tear at her confidence. She knew he was nothing like the people she used to live with, but that didn’t change the fact that she felt nervous whenever his skin made contact with hers. She wished so desperately that she could embrace his somewhat limited affection without pause. She wished she could accept his advances and hold him close while he stroked her hair or her back. She wanted all of those things, yearned for them, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not yet, at least.

“Levi, what’re you doing?” (Y/N) asked again, taking a deep shuddering breath as she shoved the memories of pain and horror to the back of her mind.

She hated it but she couldn’t help the slight sigh of relief she felt when he took in the underlying meaning of her words and lifted his hand off of her. Then she felt horrible. She bowed her head and felt the tears surface. She knew he deserved to know, she wanted to tell him so badly why she was so skittish around him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She knew it was selfish but she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him and she just knew that when he found out, there would be no stopping him from leaving her immediately. He would never want to be around her ever again if he discovered the real (Y/N). The monster. The freak.

“Hey, I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable, I just noticed that your back was killing you, so I wanted to give you a massage to release the tension. Please don’t cry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Levi said, his words only wrenching her heart more. He really didn’t deserve this, just as she didn’t deserve him.

“I’m not scared of you, Levi, I promise. I’m crying because I know you’re just trying to be nice and comfort me and make me feel good but I still can’t get over my stupid issues with touch and it’s killing me not to be able to feel you against me without freaking out. You’re always so kind to me, so gentle, so sweet, and I’m never able to reward you for being patient and amazing. I’m so sorry, Levi.”

“Look at me, (Y/N),” Levi said, the command in his voice making her meet his gaze despite the urge to look anywhere but at him. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I know you're trying, and that’s good enough for me. I will go at any pace you are comfortable with, alright? I just wanted to make sure you felt okay. We have that expedition coming up and the last thing I want is for you to get killed out there because your back is fucked up.”

(Y/N) sniffled and nodded at him, a watery smile making its way to her face as she looked at the man she loved more than anything. They had only been together for six months, but she already knew that this man was perfect for her. He had been nothing but the best, patiently waiting for her to get comfortable. Levi nodded once and stared at her for a moment longer, concern swirling in his grey hues, before he stood and went back to reading his book on the couch.

(Y/N) went back to her work, but she made a silent promise to both Levi and herself that she would try harder, for both of them, to get over the horrors of her past. They both deserved it, and she wanted it more than anything. Even if it meant divulging her secret, she would do it for them.

______________________________

(Y/N) could feel Levi’s eyes on her as she winced again, forcing down the urge to rub her back. She had still been in obvious pain when she had woken up that morning, her back hunched over as she tried to arch away from the aching in between her shoulder blades, so much so that Levi had tried to bench her from the mission. (Y/N) had put her foot down on that one, arguing with him all the way out to the stable, until he had finally dropped it as she mounted her horse. 

The pain was a problem, she knew that, but she also knew that this mission was going to require all hands on deck. Apparently, some more advanced abnormals had been spotted outside of the gates, ones that knew how to climb, and so they were tasked with going out to find and kill them if necessary. She knew Hanji wanted to study them, but the safety of the other soldiers would have to come first. It had even been announced that the Garrison would be accompanying them, doubling their numbers to increase their chances of success. It was all bullshit to (Y/N), the Garrison soldiers didn’t know how to really fight, having spent their whole lives pissing themselves behind the walls while the Survey Corps went outside to fight for humanity, but she couldn’t argue with the Prime Commander.

They were lined up in front of the gate, waiting for the signal to move out, and she just knew Levi was watching her like a hawk as another pang of heat stabbing her back had her biting her lip. Maybe she shouldn’t have come. It would’ve killed her to stay behind as her comrades fought and died for their cause without her, but now she wondered if that would’ve been a better plan. Not only was the pain getting nearly intolerable, she just knew that Levi would be watching out for her the entire time, at least, more than usual, and it was not a good idea for Humanity’s Strongest to be distracted on an expedition.

She turned around and found his eyes on her just as she had thought, the silver hues narrowed on her dangerously. She knew that look. It was a look that said ‘if you die, I’ll kill you.’ Sending her own glare back, she mouthed, ‘I’m fine,’ before turning back to face the front. 

She could still feel his eyes on her but as the bell tolled above them, she reset her focus on the formation in front of her, steeling her nerves against the dangers outside the walls. As soon as the gate was fully lifted, the bell tolls clanging to a stop, Erwin let out a bellowing war cry and charged out into the expansive fields beyond the walls, the men and women behind him letting out similar yells as they followed their Commander. (Y/N) did the same, her stunning liver chestnut mare, Zephyr, rearing up at (Y/N)’s yell, and charging forward. The galloping movement immediately sent bolts of white hot pain up her spine but she ignored it, gritting her teeth and kicking her horse into a faster gallop.

Clearing the gate, (Y/N) immediately directed her horse to the right flank, breaking off with the rest of her squad, her Squad Leader, Hanji, leading the charge in front of them with bright eyes searching for the abnormal titans. (Y/N) rolled her eyes affectionately at her Squad Leader’s antics, a small smile making its way to her face at the thought of the energetic brunette bouncing around her titan experiments while Levi grumbled in annoyance about her getting eaten one day.

Suddenly, Zephyr gave a little crow hop, bouncing over a small log in the field instead of going around it like (Y/N) had expected. Normally, she didn’t mind it too much, sometimes grunting in annoyance at her mare being stubborn but being otherwise unaffected. But this time, the movement caused her to gasp in pain, feeling as if she had just been burned between her shoulders. She saw her surrounding squad members give her odd looks and Hanji even turned with a raised eyebrow to check that she was alright, but she waved them off. She could handle this, she had handled it before, she could handle it now. Anger washed through her system at the stubbornness of her body. She hated how it demanded from her so often, striking bolts of pain into her back every time she  refused to let go for more than a few days at a time. She would’ve done so a few days ago, but she had been so busy, she hadn’t had time and now her body hurt like a bitch, screaming at her to just let go.

Ignoring the urge to either give herself what she wanted or claw her own back out, (Y/N) clenched her jaw so tight her teeth hurt and continued forward, hoping for the first time in her life for some titans to show up so she could distract herself from this pain with some well placed blows to the nape. She was at least grateful for the fact that Levi was stationed on the other side of the formation, too far away to focus on her.

Almost as if someone was listening to her thoughts, a red flare went off to their left. Hanji immediately jerked her head up and shouted out orders, lifting her own flare to shoot it into the sky. (Y/N) braced herself, her hand coming back to rest on the handle of her blade despite the lack of visual, waiting for the ugly beasts to show their faces.

She felt them before she saw them, their heavy footfalls making the ground shake as they got nearer. She felt her horse tense beneath her, but a few cooing words had her mare relaxing again, focusing on doing her job. Hanji’s squad was reaching the edge of the forest when the titans finally showed themselves, their wide grins and sparkling eyes spelling out a violent death for all of them as the beasts broke into a run, headed straight for the group of soldiers. The Garrison soldiers around her gasped in fear, their bodies tensing to the point of some of them making their horses frustrated, the animals snorting and pinning their ears at the increased pressure on their flanks.

(Y/N) shot them reassuring looks despite her annoyance at their inexperience, trying to be sensitive to their fear. It was one of the very few times they had ever been outside the walls after all. Pulling her swords from their sheathes, (Y/N) waited for the signal from Hanji, watching as the man-eating monsters got closer and closer, their mouths gaping open in anticipation.

When the beasts were close enough for them to practically feel their hot breath, Hanji gave the signal and the entire squad scattered immediately. The Garrison soldiers reacted slower but followed Hanji’s team, not arguing for once as they fought to avoid being ripped to shreds. Three Garrison soldiers rode on either side of (Y/N) as she galloped towards one of the titans and leaped from her horse, swords poised to strike. The Garrison soldiers stayed on the ground as was part of the plan, and let (Y/N) shoot her hooks into the titan, slicing the beast while it was focused on trying to eat the soldiers below. The giant died with a crash, its body already steaming by the time it hit the ground. (Y/N) landed on the titan’s shoulders, hissing as the hot steam bit her skin, and whistled for her horse.

“Good work, you three,” (Y/N) said as she remounted Zephyr, riding back up to the men flanking her. “If we keep doing that, everything will be fine.”

(Y/N) knew she was lying. Anything could happen on an expedition that could lead to their unexpected deaths, but as the men nodded, a little bit of color coming back into their paled faces, she knew it was worth it to lie. If she could keep their confidence up, their mission would have a higher chance of success. 

Looking around, (Y/N) spotted the rest of Hanji’s squad joining back together, the three titans lying dead on the ground, the steam rising into the air as they disintegrated. Nodding to the Garrison soldiers around her, (Y/N) kicked her horse forward and rejoined the group.

“Any sign of the climbing ones yet?” (Y/N) asked, riding up beside Hanji. Her Squad Leader shook her head, a slight look of disappointment on her face.

“Not yet, but we’re still watching. Keep an eye out for black flares.”

“Yes, Captain,” (Y/N) said, slowing Zephyr down again to rejoin her proper formation placement.

The mission continued on surprisingly smoothly, titans coming and going but only some managing to get past the other legions to reach Hanji’s squad. The ones that did get through the ranks were easily slaughtered, the soldiers remaining in their tight knit formation as much as possible. By the time they were rounding the forest, aiming to rejoin the other two groups, (Y/N) was starting to lose control. While killing the titans provided her a good distraction, flying into the air on her ODM gear just made the pain in her back worse, her body screaming at her with every galloping step. Spots were starting to form in her vision, and she knew something bad would happen if she didn’t get help soon.

“Hanji-”

(Y/N) was interrupted by the appearance of several black flares at once, painting the sky in a smokey grey as they faded with the wind. All thoughts of her pain eddied from (Y/N)’s mind at the sight of those flares, where they came from. That was from Levi’s squad. (Y/N) fought the panic that automatically rose in her throat. They had been on several missions together and had survived every single one. (Y/N) had to have confidence that this would be no different. Levi was Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, he could handle himself just fine on the battlefield.

Regardless, when Hanji announced that they were changing directory, spinning her horse around to run towards the source of the black flares, (Y/N) couldn’t help but feel a flash of relief, eager to check on her lover and protect him if necessary.

____________________________

Levi cursed as another abnormal leapt at him, keeping him too busy to assist anyone else, his heart clenching at the sound of screaming all around him. It had happened so fast, everything had been normal, calm, almost peaceful until one of them had jumped out of a tree like a giant, horrific ape. After that, only more and more had followed, the climbing titans using the trees as leverage to jump on top of the soldiers, crushing the ones under their feet and disorienting the ones that managed to avoid the first devastating blow.

The titan swiped for him again, nearly spinning him out of control when one of its claws caught the edge of his cape, ripping the fabric and throwing off his balance. He was running low on gas but he had no place to go, the forest too far away to latch onto a tree and the titan too difficult to use as an anchor point. Levi twisted, and shot his hooks out again before quickly retracting them from where they had landed in the beast’s neck, using the momentum of which to throw himself out of the way of the titan’s next grab at him.

That was when he saw his opening. Right as he twisted, he noticed that the titan had swung too hard too fast when aiming for Levi, and ended up stumbling forward a little, off balance from the force of the swing. Not wasting a second longer, Levi shot for its nape, spinning as he dove down and slicing through the flesh with a furious roar. The beast crumpled to the ground, taking Levi with it until the raven-haired Captain could land safely on its head.

Looking around again, Levi growled in anger. His squad seemed shaken and injured but alive, while the Garrison soldiers had dropped like flies, the strategic fighting style of these new titans proving to be too much for the normally lazy soldiers. While he normally hated the Garrison, Levi couldn’t help but feel a pang in his heart at the thought of the unnecessary deaths, gritting his teeth in anger as he looked towards the forest where things seemed to have quieted down again. For now.

The sound of hoofbeats roused him from his thoughts as he mounted his stallion and regrouped with his squad, his head turning to see Hanji’s squad heading right for them. Kicking his horse into a gallop, Levi and his group met Hanji half way, his eyes automatically searching for (Y/N) and softening when he found her, her own relieved gaze settled on him.

“Levi, what’s going on?” Hanji demanded.

“Abnormal climbing titans, just like the reports said. They were in the goddamn trees, used them like fucking launch pads to corner us,” Levi said, the fire in his eyes stating very clearly what the next set of instructions were. Kill not capture.

Hanji saw that look too and hung her head but nodded. She may be a crazy scientist who loved to do tests on man-eating monsters, but she wouldn’t risk lives unnecessarily. Levi nodded once, grateful for her lack of protest.

“I am low on gas so unless someone has another canister, I’m going to need to head back to the middle. I probably only have enough to shoot up into a tree. That last titan kept toying with me for a while, and I couldn’t find a place to land.”

Hanji’s eyes widened before she nodded. “I’ll take care of your squad, go to Erwin in the center formation. They might even have some extra canisters there if you look in the supply wagon, assuming it hasn’t been destroyed by a titan yet.”

Levi grunted in acknowledgement and turned around, clicking his tongue and pressing his legs into his stallion’s side. His horse burst into a canter and started heading for where they knew Erwin was stationed, the red flares in the sky telling them they had not yet encountered the abnormals.

(Y/N) was just about to turn and double check the gas levels on the canisters of the soldiers around her, able to act as Hanji’s second in command due to her experience, when movement in the trees caught her eye. Her eyes widened and Levi’s name was out of her mouth in a scream before her mind could even really process the situation. Kicking her horse into a furious gallop, (Y/N) ignored the shouts of her name as she rode right for her lover, her eyes watching as the abnormal titan, its body hidden by the canopy of trees, made right for Levi.

To her horror, Levi slowed to a stop and turned to see what (Y/N) wanted, not yet having realized that he was only thirty feet from death. Screaming for him to get out of the way, (Y/N) pushed Zephyr to the brink, desperate to reach him before the titan did, her eyes catching the white teeth that glinted in the dappled sunlight beneath the trees.

Watching where she was looking, Levi finally realized what she must be screaming about. Looking towards the forest, he still couldn’t see anything, but he figured he must be at the wrong angle to see whatever danger (Y/N) could see. Immediately putting his full faith in her, Levi started galloping again, trying to get out of the way. But it was too late. Just as he started moving again, his eyes finally caught sight of the abnormal titan, the beast hanging from a tree branch and smiling at him, drool falling in rivers from its mouth as it eyed him like a fresh cut steak.

Levi knew it was too late, his eyes closing as the titan leaped at him, its mouth gaping, teeth ready to bite him in half. There was nothing he could do. He was out of gas, out of time. His horse panicked beneath him, trying to turn in a way that would avoid the blow, but he wasn’t fast enough.

“I love you, (Y/N),” Levi murmured to himself just as he felt his body get slammed out of the saddle.

_____________________________

Levi grunted in pain at the feeling of being swatted from the back of his horse, his eyes squeezed shut as the wind howled in his ears. He had expected the titan to jump on him like the last one did, but as he felt himself flying through the air, he realized the beast must’ve thrown him. He braced himself to hit the ground, almost hoping the impact would kill him quickly rather than feeling the pain of being crushed between a titan’s teeth. 

But he never did. 

Opening his eyes, Levi looked down to see the ground far below him, the other soldiers scrambling for cover as the titan rampaged below. He could even see his own stallion, riderless, galloping around in a panic, clearly having jumped out of the titan’s way when he was thrown out of the saddle. But he wasn’t falling towards the ground.

Levi fought for breath as he realized he was flying parallel to the ground, neither rising nor falling, just gliding over the field. He gasped out when his body turned in midair, curving in an arc and dipping down to aim back to where his squad members had finally managed to kill the abnormal and were looking at him with shocked faces, standing around with wide eyes and dropped jaws.

Suddenly, his body was shifted a little, and Levi realized there were a pair of strong, soft arms holding him close to someone’s chest. The wind still howled in his ears, but now that some of the initial panic was gone, he could detect the sound of crying. Looking up, Levi froze, his eyes locking on familiar (e/c) ones he saw everyday. (Y/N) was carrying him. But then how was she working her ODM gear without using her hands to pull the triggers? Where was she connecting her grappling hooks to?

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” (Y/N) was whispering over and over again into his ear, her body shaking almost as much as his.

“(Y/N), what-?”

That was when he finally noticed. His face had been so close to hers, his eyes so focused on holding her gaze that he hadn’t thought to look out a little. But now he saw. Over the rush of the wind in his ears he could hear it too, the sound of the air being beat around them. His breath caught in his throat, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. Poking out from (Y/N)’s back to stretch taut on either side of her, were a pair of gorgeous, leathery black wings.

“Hold on tight to me,” (Y/N) murmured, not giving him a chance to question her before she dove down, folding her wings in slightly so that they sped towards Levi’s squad. Levi naturally gripped her harder, his arms around her neck and his face nestled into her throat as they dropped, his heart in his mouth. Just before hitting the ground, (Y/N) spread her wings out again, flaring them open to catch the wind and slow their descent before flapping them a few times to land gracefully on the ground.

(Y/N) instantly set Levi back down on the ground as soon as they were stable, but held her shoulder out to him to lean against, knowing his legs were probably like jelly after that near death experience. She was still trembling like a leaf, a mix of adrenaline and paralyzing fear overwhelming her body. 

She hadn’t thought when she had finally let go. She just did it. The sight of Levi, about to get eaten by that foul beast, had wiped all sense of logic from her brain. She would’ve used her gear, but she knew she wouldn’t have reached him in time, her natural mode of flight much faster than a bucket of bolts and wires.

The horrible pain in her back was gone now, replaced by a pleasant throbbing as the satisfying new weight sat perfectly between her shoulders. Her back was automatically realigned, her body made for the wings she displayed so that she wouldn’t hunch. It felt so good to have them out again, even if the breeze that brushed them did cause her to shiver and tuck them in close to her body. But she knew now. There was no hiding this from anyone. Erwin may not have been around to see it, but both of Levi’s and Hanji’s squads had seen it, along with all of the Garrison soldiers that had come along for the trip.

She was starting to feel light headed. This was bad. This was really really bad. Memories came flooding back, the cages and the chains and the whips and the evil grins. She didn’t know what to do. Should she fly away? She didn’t have to worry about titans so much when she didn’t have to worry about gas usage, but then she would be leaving her friends and comrades alone with little gas and a shocked, distracted state of mind. If they didn’t get themselves together when she left, too stunned by her secret to function as an elite unit, they would most certainly perish. She was just about to say something when one of the Garrison soldiers opened his mouth instead.

“Well well well…,” he nearly purred, making (Y/N)’s hair stand up on end. “What  do we have here? Those are some pretty sweet wings you’ve got there. How did you get them?”

“That’s none of your concern,” (Y/N) said, her body tensing as she brought her wings impossibly closer to her body.

“I’m assuming it’s a difficult, nearly impossible procedure? I wonder exactly how many of you there are out there. Not many, I’m assuming?”

(Y/N) didn’t answer. She could see where this was going but she had to wait it out, her eyes scanning the territory around them not only for an escape route, but also to check for oncoming titans.

“That makes me wonder…, how much someone would be willing to pay for the only winged human in the world…”

(Y/N) met his eyes then. She felt Levi tense beside her but he still seemed to be in shock, his hair covering his face as he looked down at the ground, refusing to even glance in her direction. The sight made her heart clench painfully. She had known she would lose him when she finally revealed her true self to him, but it didn’t lessen the pain of actually experiencing it, the happy memories from the past six months flooding her brain only to turn sour at the sight of the normally regal Captain hunched over in distress.

“GET HER!”

The loud bellow snapped her out of her thoughts, her head jerking around to see every Garrison soldier immediately charge her, weapons raised and eyes glimmering. She could see them practically drooling at the thought of the mountains of money they were going to receive for bringing back such a rare creature. Letting out a loud snarl, (Y/N) viciously snapped her wings open, the large black membranes stretching out in their entirety before she shot into the air, knocking some of the surrounding soldiers over with the force of her wings flapping. She heard the sound of gunshots and let out a yelp when she felt a bullet strike her side but she kept flying, darting into the forest without hesitation, her wings curling and arching to allow her to whip around the trees. Her wings pumped, beating the air as she flew as fast as she could, disappearing into the foliage until she could no longer hear the unintelligible sounds of screaming behind her.

___________________________

Levi was a complete wreck. When that piece of shit had barked at his men to grab her, bringing out his gun and actually managing to hit her somewhere, Levi had snapped out of his daze and damn near killed the man. Only having both Hanji and a frantic Erwin drag him off the other man had kept Levi from finishing him off.

Erwin, who had come running up when neither of his two troops came back, was quickly briefed on the situation while the Garrison soldiers were held at gunpoint, all of them trying to figure out what the hell to do. In the end, Erwin had decided to retreat, the threat of more titans appearing becoming a greater and greater threat the longer they stayed in one place. Levi had been adamant, refusing to leave his lover out on her own, but Hanji, Erwin, and eventually Mike managed to force him to come with them.

As soon as they had made it back to base, the Garrison soldiers had been imprisoned for the unprecedented attack against a Survey Corps officer, none of their superiors believing in a story about a woman with wings, all of them assuming the men had gone crazy from their experience outside the walls for the first time. The Survey Corps soldiers had been sent back to base to eat and rest, despite the fact that it was obvious none of that was going to happen with the entire place abuzz with rumors and retellings of what had happened on the battlefield.

Levi was distraught, pacing his office as if he were caged, his hand raking through his hair. Hanji and Erwin joined him in his office as soon as they had put away their horses and gear, Hanji even taking the time to take care of (Y/N)’s horse before finding their friend in his quarters. Neither one of them had ever seen him this upset and it worried them, the wild look in his eyes as he fought with himself over the decision to leave her out there, even when he hadn’t had a choice.

“I’m assuming, Levi, based on your reaction that you did not know?” Erwin asked carefully.

“Of course I didn’t know! I mean, her back was really bothering her and she’s always been sensitive to touch, almost fearful of it, but there was nothing to suggest that she has fucking wings hidden in her back!”

“Okay, we need to think about this very carefully,” Hanji said.

“What is there to think about!?” Levi cried. “We are going back out there to get her as soon as the horses have had some water and my squad has rested.”

“Levi, it’s not that simple. We were able to stop the spread of rumors throughout the Garrison for now, but what do you think will happen when we get her back here, hmm? You can’t protect her from everyone, and word will get out about her… gift. You can’t just lock her up in a box either. Obviously, she’s been having some problems with keeping this a secret, so we need to have a solid plan, something to ensure her safety before we throw her into danger unnecessarily,” Hanji said.

Levi sighed and hung his head, bracing his palms against the edge of his desk. What his friends were saying was true, but he just couldn’t help the feelings that were running rampant through him. The thought of anyone trying to take his lover from him made his blood boil. He wanted nothing more than to protect her at all costs, to keep her safe and hidden away from the dangers of the world. 

But Hanji was right. She wasn’t just some animal that could be kept in a room and still be happy. She was a person, and not just any person, a person with wings. She would naturally want to be out and about. Besides, he didn’t want her to have to live that way anyway. He wanted her to be able to live her life freely, the way she wanted to, without fear of being captured and used for experiments.

Levi looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Erwin standing beside him, his face scrunched with worry for both of his hurting friends. He could see how much Levi wanted to help her, but he was being irrational and just needed a moment to step back.

“Levi, right now I want you to settle down and rest. That’s an order,” Erwin said when Levi opened his mouth to argue. “Hanji and I will start putting together a plan and go over it with you tomorrow, but right now, you are not in the right frame of mind to contribute. Understood?”

Levi wanted to press the issue further but he eventually nodded and sighed, accepting defeat.

“Good.”

Levi watched as his two friends left, closing the door behind them in the hopes that Levi would be able to eventually relax a little. Levi scoffed at the idea, resting while his beloved was stuck outside the walls, injured and struggling for survival. The only comfort he had was that it was getting dark outside, the titans settling down for the night with the setting sun.

“Just hang in there, (Y/N). Please, just stay alive, I’m coming for you as soon as I can, I promise.”

_________________________________

Levi shot awake, his body covered in sweat and his chest heaving to find himself in his office. He didn’t know when he had fallen asleep, only that he had obviously dozed off in his desk chair, his neck aching from the odd sleeping position. He had been dreaming of (Y/N) calling for his help, screaming as she was crushed between the jaws of a titan. He had tried to reach her, but his feet wouldn’t move, keeping him frozen to the floor as he watched the love of his life die, even after she had saved his life without hesitation.

He brought a hand to his face, wiping the sweat from his skin and closing his eyes again, the sight of (Y/N) blowing him a kiss and mouthing ‘I love you’ before she died, burned into his brain no matter how many times he tried to convince himself it wasn’t real. He swallowed hard and opened his eyes again, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. (Y/N) was the strongest woman he knew. Not only as a soldier, but also in her determination to help others and make it through any situation, no matter the challenge. If anyone could make it out there, it would be her.

Standing up, Levi was about to go brew himself some tea when a light tapping on the glass of his window made him look up. He nearly choked on his gasp at the sight of (Y/N), holding a hand to her side where she had wrapped her bullet wound with torn pieces of her jacket, but seemingly otherwise unharmed. She was standing on the windowsill on the side of the castle, her wings hidden again.

Levi wasted no time in sprinting to the window and flinging it open, pulling her into his arms, immediately burying his face into her neck and inhaling her scent, his right hand placed against her chest to feel her heartbeat drum against his fingers. She sagged against him and hugged him back, a small smile spreading across her face at his affection.

“Oh my gods, (Y/N),” Levi choked out, reaching up to stroke her hair softly. “I was so fucking worried.”

“I’m here now, Levi. It’s okay.”

“How?” Levi asked, pulling back to look her into her eyes.

“Um…, it wasn’t too bad when I didn’t have to worry about gas. I just had to stay high enough to keep away from the titans that could jump, and then I stayed above the cloud line when crossing the wall to stay out of sight.”

Levi blinked at her and she glanced away from him, her front teeth coming out to bite at her lip nervously. He still hadn’t reacted to the news. She knew there was a chance he could try to imprison her, or have her experimented on, but she just couldn’t stay away from him. She had argued with herself when she had finally found a safe pace to stay, but she knew she couldn’t leave him. No matter what happened to her, she had to see him one last time.

“Hey,” Levi said, gently lifting her chin. “It’s okay. It’s definitely… different, but I love you and nothing could ever change that. Not even a pair of beautiful wings.”

“You think they’re beautiful?” (Y/N) asked, a hopeful glint in her eye.

“Yes,” Levi breathed. “And they helped you save my life, thank you.”

(Y/N) nodded and nuzzled into his chest a little, her nerves still tingling. He had called them beautiful, but she still felt wary, like something bad was going to happen any second now.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Levi asked after a moment of silence.

“You saw what happened when people found out. I became very valuable all of a sudden, and not in the good way.”

“You think I would ever do that to you?”

“No.., not really. I guess, I was worried about you hating me, but I never thought you’d hurt me. I was mostly afraid of everyone else, and what they might’ve done to you if you tried to prevent them from taking me.”

Levi looked into her eyes then. She had kept them a secret not just to protect herself but also to protect him. His heart warmed at the sentiment at the same time that anger coiled in his gut, upset at the idea of her having to feel this way because people wouldn’t accept her for who she is.

“How?” Levi asked.

(Y/N) knew what he meant. She loosed a sigh and backed away from him, her arms coming around to hold herself.

“I don’t know specifically how because the experiments technically weren’t done on me. But I was raised in a lab. I was experimented on a lot after I was born, testing my limits and trying to see how strong I was. It was horrible, especially when they would test pain durability and tolerance,” Levi sucked in a breath but didn’t interrupt, letting her pour her heart out.

“I was apparently supposed to be the newest weapon for the Survey Corps, a new line of technology that some people discovered one day. I was supposed to be a prototype of some sort, for a new way to fight. They were going to advertise having this procedure done on people so that we would never have to use ODM gear ever again.”

“But it didn’t go according to plan. I said earlier that the experiments technically weren’t done on me because it was originally my mother that they were using. She was a nobody, a prostitute from the Underground that nobody cared about after she had gotten pregnant from a client. Problem was, when they selected her, they didn’t know she was pregnant. I’m pretty sure she didn’t even know either. They just picked her because she was losing popularity at her particular brothel. Turns out morning sickness isn’t exactly a turn on,” (Y/N) said bitterly, making Levi’s blood boil at the thought of this poor pregnant woman going through that.

“She was experimented on, injected with things, tortured. All in the hopes that she would grow wings like I did. What they didn’t know was that the treatments were actually affecting me inside of her, making me develop differently. They found out when they noticed her stomach extending and used some tests to determine she was pregnant. They made her go through with it, keeping her healthy until I was born,” (Y/N) closed her eyes and swallowed hard, a shuddering breath escaping from her lips as she recalled the last part.

“Apparently, since I developed wings in the womb, when I was born, I ended up killing my own mother, her body not prepared to give birth to two extra appendages. I was too big for her body to handle, in terms of shape, and I ended up ripping her on the inside, both with the size of my wings and the talons I have on each crest.”

Levi’s eyes widened, (Y/N)’s bitter expression telling him that everything she said was true.

“But they didn’t care about my mother. She was just some rat from the Underground to them. So when she died, they threw her body out back for the animals to get and immediately started working on me.”

(Y/N) chuckled darkly when Levi growled, her eyes flashing in agreement. “Yeah I know.”

“So, how did you get out?” Levi asked.

“Well, they would take me on these test flights sometimes, outside the walls to see how good I was at killing titans and maneuvering around their attempts to catch me. I was always attached to things or people, chained to a cart or something to keep me from flying away. One day, when we were out, a horde of titans came out of nowhere. I killed some of them, protecting myself, but when they went for the people I was tortured by…, I just didn’t act quite as fast as I could’ve to kill the titans.”

Levi nodded, love swelling in his chest at the thought that she had trusted him enough to tell him that. “C-Can I see them?”

(Y/N) hesitated. She trusted Levi, but years of instincts and habits were hard to break. Steeling her nerves, (Y/N) nodded once and closed her eyes. Levi watched in awe as (Y/N) took a deep breath and slowly unfurled her wings, the large black membranes expanding and stretching until they were fully revealed.

Levi knew she was feeling nervous, could tell in the way she shifted from foot to foot and bit her lip again, but he couldn’t form the words to comfort her, rendered speechless by the sight in front of him. He had thought they were beautiful when he saw them briefly on the battlefield, but now up close, the only word he could think of to describe her was stunning. Her wingspan was obviously huge, the wings stretching out enough to almost brush along both walls of his office. They gleamed in the flickering candlelight, especially off of the sharp talons she had at the tip of each wing. They almost seemed to breathe, the muscles naturally rising and falling with each breath she took, the membranes turned into various shades of red and gold as the light filtered through them.

“Wow…,” Levi murmured, prompting a blush to form on (Y/N)’s cheeks.

“You don’t think they’re weird?”

“No,” Levi said, gently coming closer to her. “Do you think…, do you think I could… touch one?”

(Y/N) tensed a little but eventually nodded, a curious spark in her eye. “Just be gentle, they are ~Hah! Ahhahh…”

Levi had gently brushed his fingertip along her left wing as she was talking, the soft moan that escaped her mouth causing him to freeze. He looked at her face to see her gritting her teeth.

“That,” she swallowed. “Is very sensitive.”

“Bad sensitive or good sensitive?”

“G-Good.”

Levi smirked. “Oh? What if I do this?”

(Y/N) clenched her fists and stood ramrod straight, a gasp tearing from her throat as he took two fingers and ran them along the inner curve of her wing, brushing against her with the utmost care and gentleness.

Levi marveled at the feeling of her wing. It was way softer than he could’ve ever imagined, like pure silk. It was warm too, he could feel the pulsing of her heartbeat through the membrane, the heat from her blood circulation making her wing have the feeling of freshly baked cookies.

“What does it feel like?” Levi asked, his voice no louder than a whisper.

“Um, like this,” (Y/N) said, her words strangled. She surprised him by placing her hand beneath his shirt and running it down his chest with featherlight caresses. When she reached his abs, she unexpectedly leaned forward and bit his ear lobe, licking along the shell and blowing on it, making him shudder with a quiet groan.

“Oh,” Levi said, his voice two octaves deeper than before as tingles exploded through his system.

“Yeah,” (Y/N) said with a chuckle.

“Where do you hide them?” Levi asked as he reached his hand up to stroke her wing again, ripping another gasp from her.

“There are two slits in my back, they look almost like a pair of giant fish gills. They are nearly unnoticeable normally, but when I haven’t opened them for a while they become more prominent.”

“Is that also why you were having such horrible back pain?”

“Yeah, if I keep them hidden for too long my body starts to get upset with me. You see, I’m built to have wings. My spine is slightly altered to accommodate for them, so when I hide them away, it curls my spine abnormally. If I don’t release them every few days, I get those back pains you saw me dealing with. I normally just release them in my room when it’s late at night and the doors are locked, but I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had time to safely stretch them out without hurting myself. It was because of that that I was so sensitive to touch as well. Part of it was genuinely from my past of abuse, but the other part of it was to make sure you didn’t find them by accident. Sometimes you can cause them to come out by squeezing the right pressure point on my back.”

Levi nodded. “(Y/N), I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this alone. I wish you had told me sooner. Just know that I will protect you and we will get through this together, alright? I’m not leaving you and I will not let anyone take you from me.”

(Y/N) smiled at him, tears springing to her eyes at his warm sentiment. Gods, she was so in love with this man. If she thought he was perfect before, she didn’t know what to think now other than he was more than perfect, and she couldn’t help but swell with pride and love at the thought that he was all hers. She knew in the morning she would have to face a bombardment of questions and the world would get a lot more dangerous for her, but with Levi by her side, she knew they could conquer anything.

[avidbeader]

Voltron Jaith/Sheith fic: Unexpected (M)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

AO3

And this is the last chapter! Thanks to everyone who’s liked/reblogged/commented on this little side venture.

----------------------------

Keith is in a place he never imagined he’d return to.

He’s walking down the Garrison halls, following Commander Holt and Shiro as they bring each other up to speed. Pidge and her mom are behind him, with the rest of their group and those soldiers that helped them trailing behind. At least Lance’s sister managed to divide him from their swarm of a family, explaining the need for a debrief.

Hunk’s family is still out there, missing. Keith makes a mental note to check in on him soon.

Keith figures Adam is somewhere in the Garrison, biding his time until he can talk to Shiro. His hands tighten reflexively into fists, remembering how hurt Shiro had been over their breakup. They’d been together a long time, ever since they were cadets and flight partners…

Flight partners. Adam was a pilot as well as a teacher. One of the best ones in the Garrison at the time.

Suddenly Keith is sure that Adam is not in the Garrison anymore.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Keith feels eyes on him as the debriefing begins.

He’s already uncomfortable, wearing a Garrison uniform for the first time in many years. He never liked the stiff edges of the high collar or the combination of orange and beige. The uniform makes him feel like a kid again and it’s an effort at first to speak up, to remember he is the leader of Voltron.

He glances around at one point and realizes who’s staring at him. James—or Officer Griffin as he’s known now—is looking at him from his place on the other side of the room. Keith frowns at him, not sure why he’s getting the death-glare, but focuses back on the conversation when Hunk starts arguing about trying to rescue his family.

James snaps, “Hey, do paladins not understand the chain of command? Your CO said it was too dangerous.”

Keith is ready to smack him down and Shiro has stiffened beside him, but Sam cuts James off and redirects the conversation. Then Allura stands up as she offers a possibility; Keith has to remember that trick the next time he needs to make a point to this room full of people who are increasingly aware that their authority can’t help them in this situation.

It’s so different from working with Voltron, where the chain of command is fluid at best and everyone is used to voicing their thoughts or acting when they see a need. The Blades had been a bit more organized, with a specific operative in charge of a given mission, but everyone knew circumstances could change in an instant and was prepared to act on their own if need be.

Keith wonders what James would do mid-battle if the command center was taken down and he suddenly had no commanding officer. Or what his squadron would do if he were shot down.

And then he remembers the boy who apologized to him and reached out. He resolves to do what he can to make sure James never has to face either of those situations.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

They win.

Keith’s still not sure how they managed it. The team’s last desperate efforts to move the unknown robeast far enough into space to save Earth succeeded, but sent the lions spiraling back down to the planet at terminal velocity. Keith had been the first to be pulled from his lion, but the last to recover; by the time the doctors brought him out of a medically- induced coma, his mother and Kolivan had arrived in answer to Shiro’s summons.

His recovery takes a while, between the skull fracture, other broken bones, and internal injuries. Shiro visits every day, even if only for a few minutes, and the other paladins come as their own injuries permit. Kolivan stays long enough to establish a few Blades at the new headquarters of the coalition and Krolia makes it clear she’s staying for the duration.

Matt brings Pidge to visit. She rides in a hoverchair because her broken ankle is still healing, and the three of them are having fun trading stories about the others. Keith is still laughing over Lance’s “Tailor” moment in the sims when James comes to the door and hovers.

Pidge notices and elbows Matt. “We gotta get back before the nurses come looking for me. They’re supposed to scan my ankle and see what’s up with it this afternoon.”

Keith waves them goodbye, then beckons a little impatiently as James hesitates. “Come on, then.”

James looks back at the door. “Who was that guy?” His voice betrays more than a bit of interest.

“You didn’t recognize him? That’s Matt Holt, Pidge’s brother.”

James does a classic double-take back at the door, his mouth hanging open. “Wait, him? That shrimpy nerd?”

Keith smirks a little and responds in his driest tone. “Amazing what being kidnapped by aliens, thrown into a gladiator ring, rescued by rebels, and training with them to help overthrow an evil empire will do.”

James’ eyes narrow. After all the time they’ve known each other, he still has to pause in order to detect Keith’s sarcasm level. He looks Keith up and down.

“Funny, could say similar things about you. How did you get so beefed up compared to McLain?”

Keith shrugs. “I wound up going through a quantum abyss where time was slowed down. Gained two extra years on everyone else.” Seeing James’ eyebrows go up, Keith decides to muddy the waters even more. “And then there’s the fact that apparently three years went by in a few minutes when we managed to prevent all alternate realities from collapsing and destroying the entire universe.”

“Wait, what? Alternate realities? That’s actually a thing?”

Keith nods and James draws closer to sit at the foot of the bed.

“Like when someone makes a decision one way and that’s our reality, but when they make the opposite choice there’s a split and things happen differently? Infinite possibilities?”

Keith shrugs. “I don’t know exactly. We discovered one alternate reality where Allura’s people ended up being the bad guys. She had died ten thousand years before instead of being placed in cryosleep, and those Alteans enforced the peace by implanting mind-control devices in everyone who was against them.”

James shudders at that thought. “Okay, yeah, not a good place to visit.”

“It wasn’t. And it was weird; there was a version of Shiro there—he was a member of a resistance group—and it was the strangest thing. His hair was different, and his voice, but it was still him. Our Shiro had been missing for a while at that point, which made it even harder.”

James tilts his head and looks at Keith assessingly. His lips tighten, as if he’s made some kind of unpleasant discovery. “So, have you and Shiro made it official yet?”

Keith frowns and looks away, trying to ignore the spike in his heartbeat at those words. “What are you talking about?”

“You haven’t. Oh my god. You carry a torch for a dead man, follow him into space when it turns out he’s not so dead, even gain two years on him, and, from what I heard, took out a Galra commander up close and personal with your sword to protect him? And you haven’t told him how you feel? What’s it gonna take?”

Keith stares down at his hands, willing himself not to clutch the sheets or cover his reddening face. “It’s not like that.”

“It is totally like that! I mean,” James glances at the open door and lowers his voice. “The last time you and I had sex, you were pretending I was him the whole time.”

Is it possible to spontaneously combust from embarrassment and guilt? Keith almost wishes it were. He shakes his head, sure he’ll stutter if he tries to speak.

“You were. You said his name after. I heard you.”

That startles Keith’s voice out of him. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to. God, James, I’m sorry.”

James reaches out with one hand, running it up and down Keith’s leg. “Apology accepted.”

Keith almost can’t breathe, the absolution is so unexpected. “But I hurt you!”

“Yeah, you did. But there’s no expiration date on an apology conversation.”

Keith smiles a little, hearing that old phrase, but James keeps going before he can say anything.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you faster. I wanted to go home and really think about what to say. Had it all planned out, with the best approach to get you to deal with your grief and everything. And then you apparently wrecked a sim and got thrown out before I could get back?” James’ voice lilts up in curiosity.

Now Keith clutches the sheets, remembering.

“I went to get some practice in and found a new program in the menu.” Keith swallows hard, remembering the grief and rage that had poured out of him at the time. “It was a rescue objective...with a target of Kerberos.”

James’ hand tightens on Keith’s leg. “Holy shit,” he breathes. “You saw that with no warning?”

Keith nods. “Smashed the menu display with my bare hand before I realized it.”

James lets go of Keith’s leg and holds his hand out. “I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner.”

Keith accepts the apology by completing the handshake and goes back to twisting up the sheets. “Thanks. But I think it mostly worked out for the best anyway. If I’d still been in the Garrison when Shiro escaped, I doubt we’d have been able to find the Blue Lion before that first Galra ship arrived.”

James is about to reply when there’s a burst of bright light and the bed is filled with seventy-five kilos of cosmic wolf. He squirms up to lick Keith’s face, and Keith happily goes for the ears while James is whacked with a wagging tail.

“Shiro’s on the way, then?” Keith asks and the wolf gives that chirpy sort of growl that means assent rather than aggression.

James stands, holding his hands out to keep the wolf’s tail off him. “I better go.”

“You don’t have to,” Keith protests.

“Yeah, I do. You have something to tell Shiro. I’ll drop in again day after tomorrow. We’re in training all day tomorrow with the squadron for the new wave of MFEs.”

Keith smiles at James as the wolf settles on his legs. “Good luck with that.”

“Should be fine. No signs of anyone being a fancypants pilot in this bunch.”

“Hey, I can outfly anyone in this building...or what’s left of it.”

James’ expression turns fond. “Maybe once you’re healed up we can take a couple of the MFEs for a spin. See if you can find any room for improvement.”

“Only if you come for a ride in the Black Lion.”

“Deal.” James reaches out to shake on it and Keith tugs so he can slap James on the back with his free hand. James returns the embrace, ruffling Keith’s hair.

“Am I interrupting?” Shiro is standing in the door, looking a little curious.

“No sir, just saying goodbye for now.” James straightens and salutes.

“At ease, Griffin. I’ll see you at training tomorrow.”

James departs, but gives Keith a significant look as he does so. Keith gets the message: if he doesn’t talk to Shiro now, James is going to have ample opportunity to drop hints or otherwise make Keith’s life miserable.

Shiro comes to sit on the bed, patting the wolf with his prosthesis. “How are you feeling today?”

“Pretty good.” Keith reaches out and takes Shiro’s other hand. With one deep breath for courage, he begins. “I need to talk to you about something.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Two evenings later, James turns up at Keith’s door, bearing a plate of caramel brownies and praising Hunk for helping him sub some of the ingredients that are still scarce during a post-war recovery.

They’re still warm from the oven.

----------------------------------------------

[douxreviews]

Star Trek: Discovery - ‘Context is for Kings’ Review

By Mark Greig 

"We are creating a new way to fly."

After last week's extended prologue, this was our first glimpse of what an actual episode of Star Trek: Discovery will look like.

Welcome aboard the USS Discovery, a mysterious ship full of mysterious people doing mysterious things mysteriously. Thrown into this, under suitably mysterious circumstances, is Michael Burnham, six months into her life sentence for mutiny and sporting a new curly prison hairdo. Now something of a Ro Laren/Tom Paris-ish figure, Michael's not interested in getting involved in whatever mysterious shit the crew of Discovery are up to. She just wants to keep her head down, go back to prison and serve her time. That's what she says, but that isn't what she does. She wasn't even on Discovery a day before she decided to break into the secret labs and have a nose around, which was exactly what Captain Lucius Malfoy expected her to do.

It is clear from these first three episodes that Discovery is not going to strictly adhere to the pure Utopian view of the future that Gene Roddenberry envisioned and nothing seems to encapsulate that more than the character of Captain Gabriel Lorca (played by the always wonderful Jason Isaacs). In previous Star Trek shows the captain was always a reassuring presence, the emotional and moral centre of the show, and the one person we could always rely on to do the right thing (or in Sisko's case the wrong thing for the right reason). But in Lorca we have a captain who is untrustworthy, manipulative, militaristic, probably a dark wizard, maybe has his own personal torture chamber, and could potentially end up being the real villain of this entire series. In short, he is everything that Roddenberry would not want a Starfleet captain to be. And that is by no means a bad thing. 

One of the many reasons Star Trek shriveled and died as a television franchise more than a decade ago is because the people making it became unwilling to embrace change or innovation, allowing the franchise to slip into stagnation. To add insult to injury, much of the former talent went away and made the rebooted Battlestar Galactica, which made Star Trek: Enterprise look practically archaic. It also didn't help that the idiots in charge (Rick Berman and Brannon Braga) thought the only way to keep people interested was to treat their female characters as nothing more than scantily clad figures of lust for horny fanboys. Under Berman and Braga's odious leadership, Star Trek went from being groundbreaking and thought provoking to lazy and embarrassing. It is fair to say that no one misses them. 

Which brings us to Discovery, our latest hope for the second coming of Star Trek. We thought it would be the new movies but they really do not stand up well to repeated viewing and after the muted critical and box office reaction to Beyond I doubt we'll be seeing another Star Trek movie anytime soon. Which I really think is for the best because, for me at least, Star Trek has already worked better on the small screen. Television allows for more scope, more variety, and more chances for the secondary characters to shine. Can anyone think of anything memorable Geordi or Crusher did in any of the Next Gen movies? 

When Discovery was first announced I hoped that it would be a show that combined the character drama and strong storytelling of DS9 with the clever sci-fi ideas of TOS and TNG. I wanted a show that would be faithful to Roddenberry's vision in spirit, but at the same time unafraid to question or even outright challenge it. I wanted a show that understood that Star Trek needs to change and evolve if it is to survive and thrive in the current TV landscape. 'Context is for Kings' is an episode that does exactly that. I'm not saying it is up there with the very best of those shows, but this is exactly what I was looking for from a modern Star Trek series.

One thing I really liked about this episode is how it explored the inherent contradiction of Starfleet itself. This is a military organisation with a military hierarchy that's stated mission is one of peace and exploration. Starfleet officers are meant to be explorers first and soldiers only when necessary, but we see how quickly that gets switched around when the existence of the Federation is threatened. In peace time the Discovery (and its late sister ship) would've been a ship of pure research, but in war time it becomes a mobile Manhattan Project, pushing scientific boundaries to give the Federation the edge in the war with the Klingons.

One thing I didn't like was how quickly they rushed through the mission on the Glenn. They could've done a whole episode about Michael, Stamets, Tilly, Commander Cylon and the red shirt Mulder and Scullying their way around the dark, blood splattered corridors of Discovery's sister ship. Instead, the whole thing was over and done with in barely 10 minutes. Because of this, the entire mission felt shoehorned in just so Michael could have a selfless hero moment and slip in some Fringe style body horror. Mind you, I did find that shushing Klingon a lot funnier than I should've. 

Where Were They Then

Seeing as Discovery is set ten years before 'Where No Man has Gone Before' I decided to skim through Memory Alpha and put together this handy little guide of what all the major Star Trek characters alive at the time were up to.

— James T. Kirk was 23 and an ensign in his last year of a five-year officer training program at Starfleet Academy. After graduating Lt. Kirk would be assigned to the phaser station aboard the USS Farragut.

— Spock was 26 and serving as science officer aboard the USS Enterprise under Captain Christopher Pike.

— Dr. Leonard McCoy was 29 and had recently ended his relationship with Nancy Carter ('The Man Trap').

— Montgomery Scott was 34 and serving as an engineer in Starfleet.

— Pavel Chekov was 11 and no doubt learning about how everything ever made was Russian.

— It is unknown how old Hikaru Sulu and Nyota Uhura are during this period or what they were doing, but it is likely they were both in high school.

— The Dax symbiont's current host was either Emony or Audrid.

— I haven't got the foggiest idea how old Guinan was or what she was doing, but I imagine it involved the buying of lots and lots of really big hats.

— And Q was no doubt off annoying some species somewhere.

Notes and Quotes

— The design of the Discovery has been tweaked since the first teaser trailer was released. The ship's look was based on Ralph McQuarrie's redesign for the Enterprise for the unmade Star Trek: Planet of the Titans.

— For those of you interested, the Discovery is a Crossfield class ship. — Amanda's fondness for Lewis Carroll comes from the animated series episode 'Once Upon a Planet.' — As well as Captain Lorca, this episode introduced us to two other members of the main cast: Paul Stamets, an astromycologist and your typical asshole genius who is not at all happy about being press ganged into the Federation's war effort, and cadet Sylvia Tilly, the offspring of a rainbow and sunshine. Because she's so adorable, and her friendship with Michael shows a lot of promise, I'm willing to overlook the fact she is a walking collection of nerd cliches. — Loved Saru showing Michael around while munching blueberries. — One of the things that has always bugged me about every Star Trekseries is how the crew always beamed into hazardous situations in their regular uniforms. I am happy to see that this show is dispensing with that. — Tilly with her hair down made me think of T'Pau and I don't mean the Vulcan. — I'm assuming the reason the ship isn't swarming with them is because Lorca had his Tribble neutered. — The uniforms have pockets. Pockets!!! Now that truly is revolutionary. — I don't trust Commander Cylon. — Anyone else think the black badge dudes are connected to the ones from Wynonna Earp? I know they are probably Section 31, but what if black badge and Section 31 are one and the same? Then when can we have a crossover and see if even the universal translator can make sense of what Doc Holliday is saying. Lorca: "No matter how deep in space you are, always feels like you can see home. Don't you think? Maybe it's just me. Forgive the lighting. The lack thereof. A recent battle injury. There's nothing they can do if I want to keep my own eyes, and I do. I have to suffer light change slowly. I like to think it makes me mysterious. No?" Tilly: "Wow, is that a book?" — Somewhere the ghost of Rupert Giles is weeping. Three out of four Beatles' cover bands.

[phantom-le6]

Episode Reviews - Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 7 (4 of 6)

With just over half of season 7 of Star Trek: The Next Generation behind us, we now delve into a fourth group of episodes from that season, beginning with the highly notable ‘Lower Decks’.

Episode 15: Lower Decks

Plot (as given by me):

The episode focuses on a group of junior officers assigned to the Enterprise. The group is comprised of Nurse Alyssa Ogawa and Ensigns Sam Lavelle, Sito Jaxa and Taurik. Sito and Lavelle are both anxious about upcoming promotions, and learn from Ben, one of the waiters in Ten-Forward, that both are being considered for an assignment to the Ops position on the bridge. Alyssa is later told by Dr Crusher that she will soon be made a lieutenant, and the two women also discuss concerns Alyssa is having about her relationship with Lt. Andrew Powell.

 The junior officer all become curious when the Enterprise beams aboard an escape pod under an apparent cloak of secrecy, Lt. Commander La Forge briefly reprimanding Taurik when he tries to identify the pod’s occupant. At the same time, Captain Picard calls Sito to his ready room and gives her a severe dressing down for her part in the Starfleet Academy incident seen in the season 5 episode ‘The First Duty’. Taurik later begins to suspect something is going on when he asked to assist La Forge in putting phaser blasts on a shuttle’s hull. The junior officers and Ben discuss recent events that evening during a poker game, while the senior officers do the same in Riker’s quarters. When the first game ends, Ben stops by Riker’s quarters and gets himself invited into their game.

 The next morning, Lt. Worf asks Sito to remain behind following a martial arts class he has been teaching. He subjects her to a challenge that requires her to defend against his attack while blind-folded, and after a few tries Sito stands up to Worf and tells him the test is unfair. Worf then reveals that was the whole point; to make Sito stand up for herself when she feels she has not been treated fairly. She then returns to the captain’s ready room and insists Picard judge for who she is now, not the mistake she made as a cadet. It is then Picard’s turn to reveal that him berating her was to assess for a dangerous mission, and that she had been assigned to the Enterprise in the first place so she could have a fair chance to prove herself.

 It turns out the Enterprise has beamed aboard a Cardassian double-agent working for the Federation. The Cardassian, Joret Dal, now has to try and get back into Cardassian space without arousing suspicion; he will take the shuttle damaged by La Forge and Taurik to give the impression he is a bounty hunter who has escaped Federation custody, and Sito is asked to pose as his prisoner. Once Dal is back in Cardassian space, Sito will be sent back across the border in an escape pod. Despite the dangers, Sito agrees and is cosmetically altered to give the appearance of having been beaten by Dal. During the shuttle trip, Sito learns that while Dal is loyal to Cardassia, he is supporting the Federation because he feels the military is more about serving the ambitions of high-ranking officers than the people of Cardassia.

 Sometime later, the escape pod fails to appear at the pre-arranged co-ordinates, and Picard risks sending a probe into Cardassian space despite it being a treaty violation. The probe’s telemetry and intercepted Cardassian communications reveal that Sito was apparently killed in her escape attempt, and Picard sadly informs the crew of her passing. Later, Lavelle receives his promotion and assignment to Ops, and Ben convinces Worf to join the rest of Sito’s friends in mourning her apparent death.

Review:

The episode ‘Lower Decks’ is not to be confused with the animated Trek spin-off series; that series is part of this episode’s legacy, and a poor part at that.  I haven’t sat down and watched any of it, mind, but I can see from trailers it’s been made somewhat in the style of the Rick and Morty animated series, which I tried an episode of once and promptly put to my ‘never watch even on pain of death’ list.  Like Rick and Morty, and South Park before that, the ‘Lower Decks’ show seems to be based on the idea of using crudeness and vulgarity for cheap laughs instead of trying to be intelligent, and I hate comedies like that.  I also hate anything designed to be a spoof of something I enjoy, which is undoubtedly the only other gear that show would have. Frankly, Trek deserves better; as much as it can and does have its comedic moments, the core of the franchise is about developing the characters of the show and exploring real-life issues through metaphor.  Neither is generally the province of a sit-com, and for that reason I blank the ‘Lower Decks’ cartoon as a part of Trek to never try at all.  Just toss it out the airlock and blast it into nothingness with phasers, would you please.

 That aside, the episode ‘Lower Decks’ has better aspects to its legacy.  A later episode of the Voyager spin-off followed a similar theme, and the CSI: Crime Scene Investigation TV show did a number of episodes across a few seasons collectively referred to as ‘Lab Rats’ episodes.  In those episodes, the focus shifted from the CSIs who go out and deal with crime scenes to the lab technicians who process the evidence. Clearly there is a ‘Lower Decks’ influence in those episodes, and one does actually take place around a convention dedicated to a Trek-like TV show.  It’s certainly a fun idea; take the focus off the main crew and focus on the wider crew, albeit with focus still on a set group of characters.

 The inclusion and prominence of Ensign Sito really helps the episode feel like proper Trek, because through her part of the episode we get a look into the idea of redemption and can someone who has done wrong in the past become someone worthwhile again.  It’s a concept many people in the real world will discount out-of-hand, choosing to believe that if someone has committed a crime or struggles with addiction to anything, they are somehow fundamentally beyond redemption.  In some cases, that can be true, especially if no one is willing to help the people in question work out the underlying causes of their behaviour so they can adequately combat them.  Sito is lucky to have people like Picard and Worf show the faith in her that they ultimately do, and it’s unfortunate that her story appears to have so tragic an end.

 However, the tragic end is kind of the point; the story is somewhat a coming-of-age story as well, as it shows Sito and Lavelle seeking promotion and advancement as they settle in on the Enterprise, and while Alyssa Ogawa also gains promotion, the advancement of her relationship with an unseen lieutenant is more the focus of her plot.  It’s also fun to see the inclusion of a member of the civilian staff in Ten-Forward, as at this point Trek hasn’t focused on many characters that aren’t officers in Starfleet or a non-Federation power while also being human.  Taurik adds little to the show itself beyond compensating for TNG’s low quota of Vulcans, but the actor does go on to play another Vulcan as a recurring character on Voyager.  Overall, aside from the dodgy animated show in its legacy, I can’t really fault this episode at all, and give it top marks; 10 out of 10.

Episode 16: Thine Own Self

Plot (as given by me):

Counsellor Troi returns to the Enterprise from a class reunion and is surprised to find Dr Crusher commanding the night shift instead of Lt. Commander Data. Crusher explains Data has gone on a mission to retrieve radioactive material from a deep-space probe that has crashed on Barkon IV, a planet which is populated by a pre-industrial society. The Enterprise is unable to communicate with Data to advise him of a delay in meeting him, but Crusher is unconcerned as Lt. Commander La Forge warned that radiation from the probe would cause communication problems. The two women discuss why Crusher has earned herself the rank of Commander, since it is not a requirement to be chief medical officer. Apparently, Crusher wanted to push herself beyond what was necessarily required of her. Wanting the same, Troi decides to take the Bridge Officer’s exam so she can also become a Commander. She passes all parts of the exam easily except for the Engineering section, but after several tries, she succeeds when she realises the test is not of her engineering knowledge, but her willingness to order one officer to their death to save everyone else.

 On Barkon IV, Data wanders into a village apparently damaged and with no memory of who he is, carrying a box bearing the word ‘radioactive’. He is taken in by the village magistrate Garvin and his daughter Gia, who names him “Jayden”. Talur, the village healer and teacher, tries to assess Data’s memory loss and determines that he is not ill, but is instead part of a race of “icemen” who dwell in the nearby mountains. In need of money, Data is convinced to sell some of the pieces of metal he had in the box to a local blacksmith, Skoran, retaining the rest in case in case they provide any clue to his identity. He also saves a man when an anvil collapses on him, revealing his incredible strength to the villagers.

 Later, Garvin becomes stricken with a mysterious ailment, with Gia and Skoran also being afflicted not long after. Most of the villagers blame Data, who begins conducting research into the cause of the illness. He determines that unseen particles are being emitted by the metal fragments from his box. He asks Talur to retrieve all the pieces of metal while he works on a cure, but shortly after she leaves, Skoran arrives with another of the villagers. The pair attack Data, one of them ripping the skin from the side of his face and revealing his mechanical nature, causing them to flee in terror. Talur finishes retrieving the metal fragments while Skoran organises the villagers into a mob to search for Data, who has hidden in Garvin’s house and reveals himself only when everyone else has gone. He has put on a hood to hide his face, but Gia convinces him to remove the hood as he continues his search for a cure to the radiation sickness.

 Data’s cure proves successful on Garvin, so he administers some to Gia and learns from her that the village well is the only water source near the village. In order to sure everyone, Data opts to apply the cure to the well’s drinking water, but is found by the villagers just as he is doing so. The cure is dumped into the well water just in time, as Skoran impales Data, seemingly killing him. Days later, Dr Crusher and Commander Riker infiltrate the village disguised as natives to the planet. They find the villagers have buried Data and the box containing the radioactive fragments, enabling both to be beamed up to the Enterprise without the villagers knowing. Back on the Enterprise, Data is reactivated, but he has no memory of his time as “Jayden”, and learns that Troi has been promoted in his absence, meaning that she now effectively out-ranks him.

Review:

Apparently, the Data side of this episode was pitched as “Data as Frankenstein” according to Memory Alpha, and depending on how that is meant, I’d be very worried about the intelligence of the person making the pitch.  If the idea was that Data should be the outcast scientist who others shunned for his advanced ideas, then the pitch is correct.  If, however, they meant Data as a monster, then as Kryten once noted in the Red Dwarf episode ‘Quarantine’, whoever made the pitch was a truly stupid person.  In Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, which is the original story from which all subsequent variations have been derived, Frankenstein was the scientist who created a monster from the bodies of the deceased, not the monster itself.  Every version that has identified its monster as Frankenstein has been a misconception, and frankly I wish they’d all carry disclaimers to say they’re getting it wrong.

 For me, though, that side of the episode didn’t do much for me.  It doesn’t advance Data to any degree as a character, though watching it in the here and now, I suppose there’s some retroactive analogy to those idiots in society who ignore or deny sound science whenever it clashes with what they believe or what they think they know.  For all intents and purposes, the villagers who mob up with Skoran against Data are this episode’s equivalent to every anti-vaccine, 3G-paranoid, climate-change-denying conspiracy nut yahoo wasting space, food and air that would better be used on actual human beings.  It’s such a shame that teaching them the folly of their ways wasn’t really how this episode played out, as I would have loved the morons to get some kind of comeuppance for acting like a bunch of in-bred superstitious fools.

 As for the Troi storyline, it was kind of interesting to see her go after a promotion, but again it was flawed in various aspects.  First of all, Troi has spent ages being on the bridge of the Enterprise.  Surely in order to be stationed on the bridge for any length of time, she would need to be a certified bridge officer.  Why was it a bridge officer’s exam that she had to take when she’d been on the bridge for many episodes already?  Second, Data is supposed to be the ship’s second officer, so logically he needs to retain equal or higher rank than everyone except the captain and first officer.  However, now he has both the doctor and the ship’s counsellor out-ranking him.

 How the hell does that work?  You can’t have underling officers out-ranking their bloody superior.  This isn’t like M*A*S*H where rank is purely a formality and you can have a chief surgeon be fairly low on the officer ranks just for being good.  Starfleet is supposed to be based on a more traditional and strict military hierarchy, and to my mind Data should have been promoted off-screen sometime before this to keep his second officer position and his rank consistent within the context of all other ranks on board.  For me, this episode was barely ok, and only earns 4 out of 10.

Episode 17: Masks

Plot (as given by me):

The Enterprise discovers a comet and begins to scan it, only to receive some kind of feedback that forces them to reduce the intensity of their scan. Later, Lt. Commander Data sculpts a mask while attending a class Counsellor Troi is conducting with the school children on board. The mask is remarkable for two reasons; the first is that Data was having trouble demonstrating imagination in his sculpting earlier, the second is that matching symbols then begin to appear on the computer console of one of the children. More symbols appear at other terminals, which Data is somehow able to read, and strange artefacts bearing more of the symbols begin appearing all over the ship.

 It turns out the comet contains an alien informational archive that is using a transformation program to transform the Enterprise into something resembling its native culture. The program has also affected Data, who begins to manifest different personalities, most of which appear to be ritualistic representations of the deities of the alien culture. After numerous failed attempts to halt or reverse the process, Captain Picard finally succeeds in restoring the Enterprise when he confronts the most powerful of Data’s personas in the guise of a counter-part deity. The transformation program is disabled by Lt. Commander La Forge and a Federation archaeology team is dispatched to study the archive further. Only the mask Data made himself remains, and Picard notes that Data’s recent experience transcends the human condition, as he has just been the embodiment of an entire civilisation.

Review:

For me, this episode more than any other betrays just how bad TNG was getting towards its end.  It’s not a surprise considering the way Trek was spreading itself thin at the time this show’s final season was in production.  You’ve got a new series and a feature film in pre-production while also wrapping up TNG and putting out a second season of Deep Space Nine.  That said, this episode still could have been better.  Apparently, it was based on an idea about doing an alien analogue for the Library of Alexandria, and an original script originally explained the archive was a kind of “advanced Genesis Device” that mistook the Enterprise for a world it could reshape into the world it originally came from.

 If this is indeed the case, then frankly the idea that they would chuck the explanation and keep the Enterprise as the thing being transformed seems stupid.  You need to explain the what and why of the archive for it to make sense, and having it change the Enterprise and make Data go into “weirdness for weirdness’ sake” mode is just unutterably stupid.  They should have not only kept the archive as a terraforming kind of device, but also had it try to alter a planet.  There could have been some debate then about how to handle it, weighing up whether the archive needed to be destroyed, allowed to take its course, etc. Instead, we just get a non-sensical clunker of an episode that is best forgotten.  I give this one a lowly 4 out of 10, the points largely going to Patrick Stewart for delivering another great performance as Picard the archaeologist despite the episode turning out rubbish all around him.

Episode 18: Eye of the Beholder

Plot (as given by me):

Following the suicide of Lt. Daniel Kwan in the nacelle tube control room, Lt. Worf and Counsellor Troi are assigned to investigate the death to determine why it happened. Reviewing his logs and talking to his superior officer and his girlfriend reveal no behaviours that would suggest Kwan had any intention of taking his own life. Meanwhile, Lt. Commander Data reveals to Geordi La Forge that he once contemplated committing an act that would have been similar to suicide; in the early months after his activation, Data began to struggle incorporating new pathways into his neural net, and considered starting from scratch, thereby self-terminating the person he had become. However, Data notes he instead opted to look at the situation as a challenge to overcome instead of a problem to avoid. Geordi commends Data on this attitude and laments Kwan apparently being unable to do the same.

 Troi visits the nacelle tube control room, and is overwhelmed by an empathic flood of emotions from no apparent source. Unable to make sense of the emotional barrage, Troi opts to try again, but is asked to wait while her telepathic neurotransmitter levels return to normal. While waiting for this, Troi and Worf talk further, after which Worf goes to Ten-Forward and tries to hint to Commander Riker that he may seek his permission to court Troi. However, Worf backs off when Riker’s comments suggest he’s about to suspect Worf’s possible intention. Later, Worf and Troi return to the nacelle tube control room. When no psychic flashes occur, Troi asks Word to open the maintenance door. This prompts a psychic experience in which Troi experiences the control room as it was eight years ago when the Enterprise was being constructed. The experience shows her a couple being found in a compromising position and laughing at the discoverer, and then the women of the couple apparently being killed.

 Knowing Kwan had served at the ship yard where the Enterprise was constructed, Troi researches further and learns an officer in Engineering, Lt. Walter Pearce, also served at the same ship yard and is now serving on the Enterprise. She also remembers seeing Pearce in her visions, so she and Worf question him. While she cannot gauge the truthfulness of Pearce’s replies empathically, the fact she can’t do this suggests Pearce is partly telepathic. A discussion between Troi and Worf about this leads to the pair making love in Troi’s quarters. The next day they continue the investigation, but Troi gradually grows increasingly suspicious as she notices what seems to be flirting behaviour between Worf and Lt. Kwan’s girlfriend Ensign Maddy Calloway. Geordi finds a skeleton behind a bulkhead in the nacelle tube control room, the remains of which belong to a Marla Finn, the woman in Troi’s visions. Troi deduces her visions were from Pearce’s perspective, and she and Worf go to confront Pearce about the apparent homicide of Finn. However, Troi begs off due to her growing suspicions, which she passes off as a side-effect of a neural suppressant Dr Crusher has given her to assist her in processing her vision.

 Pearce confronts Troi in her quarters and claims Worf told him to report to her. While other security officers take Pearce into custody, Troi tracks Worf to Ensign Calloway’s quarters and finds them kissing. When the pair begin to laugh at Troi, she kills Worf with a phaser. Horrified at what she’s done, Troi races away, and after encountering Pearce in the corridor, she races to the nacelle tube control room to commit suicide as Kwan did. However, before she can hurl herself into the plasma stream, she is pulled back from the edge by Worf, who much to her relief is still alive. It turns out everything from Worf opening the maintenance door to him stopping Troi’s suicide attempt took place in seconds.

 Geordi finds cellular residue on the bulkhead where the dead body had been found in Troi’s visions. Apparently, Pearce, Finn and Finn’s lover William Hodges had been reported missing in a plasma accident during the ship’s construction. In reality, Pearce found out Finn was cheating on him, killed the couple, threw them into the plasma stream to cover up the murders and finally committed suicide. Due to having a Betazoid grandmother, Pearce was partially telepathic, and the manner of his death left a psychic imprint of the murder-suicide that affected Kwan and Troi. Worf then expresses curiosity about who had killed him in Troi’s visions, to which Troi responds “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

Review:

This episode is the first to try and follow up on the Troi-Worf romance that came up earlier this season in ‘Parallels’, with try being the operative word.  While Worf clumsily tries and fails himself to drop a hint to Riker that he’s got his eyes set on Troi, most of the Worf-Troi romance plays out in Troi’s head. It’s annoying to see it happen like this, so for once I’m in agreement with Roddenberry’s ‘no dream sequences’ rule. Granted, I know Roddenberry also wanted this show to be very episodic television with no attempts at creating a continuity, so to speak, but at over two years after his death and with the show about to end, I’m thinking they should have been more daring.  TNG audiences would have been ok with the Troi-Worf romance being pushed into reality at this point instead of later, so they should have just done it already.

 Otherwise, the episode is just pure whodunnit mixed with a bit of Trek weirdness.  It’s ok, but could have been miles better.  How?  Simple; they could have gotten Troi and Worf together in the real world and done it so there wouldn’t be a telepathic vision cop-out.  I was also rather unimpressed with how the idea of suicide and possible depression was handled by this episode.  Ok, so your character didn’t give any signs by way of being outwardly upset or stressed in the build-up to taking his own life?  Guess what?  That means sod all, as we’ve sadly seen with many recent celebrity suicides.  The writers on this one should have really done some research to keep this aspect of the show more timeless.  As it is, it betrays a very poor, very out-dated understanding about what emotions a person can display prior to killing themselves. If I was to try and find something in Trek that covered suicide well, this wouldn’t be it.  Overall, I give this episode only 6 out of 10.

Episode 19: Genesis

Plot (as given by me):

During a shift in sickbay, several characters are being treated; Commander Riker is having cacti spines removed from his back following a mishap in the Enterprise arboretum, Lt. Commander Data has brought his pregnant cat Spot in for a check-up, and Lt. Barclay is after a second opinion after once again self-diagnosing a supposed ailment. Barclay turns out to have a mild case of Urodelan Flu, something most humans would be naturally immune to. However, the genes responsible for combatting the illness are dormant in Barclay’s case, so Dr Crusher activates them with a synthetic t-cell. Spot’s visit also reveals that the newly wed Nurse Ogawa is pregnant herself.

 Later, the ship begins to conduct test exercises on upgrades recently made to the ship’s weapon systems by Lt. Worf. A photon torpedo used in the test goes off-course. Remote detonation commands fail and the torpedo is soon out of phaser range, forcing the Enterprise to send a shuttle to reclaim it. Captain Picard opts to fly the shuttle himself and asks Data to accompany him. As the mission may take longer than the remainder of Spot’s pregnancy, Data leaves his cat in the care of Lt. Barclay, the only other member of the crew Spot likes and will not attack if left with.

 After Picard and Data leave, various members of the crew begin to exhibit unusual behaviour; Troi suddenly feels inexplicably cold and dehydrated, Commander Riker struggles to think clearly while Barclay is full of energy, and Worf is exhibiting signs of unusual aggression. After Worf comes into Troi’s quarters and bites her on the neck, both are taken to sick bay, where Worf inadvertently sprays venom from his mouth into Dr Crusher’s face before fleeing. Crusher is placed in stasis, and it soon reported that a viral-like contagion is loose on the Enterprise, causing unusual behaviours in the crew.  At the same time, the venom Worf secretes is being found all over the ship and causing system damage. Riker, with the aid of acting first officer Lt. Commander La Forge, tries to handle the situation, but his inability to think is another sign of the growing illness.

 Picard and Data ultimately return with the errant torpedo to find the Enterprise adrift. Once back on board, they begin trying to ascertain what has happened and regain control of the ship. Their investigations reveal that a synthetic t-cell is present in the crew, all of whom are apparently at varying stages of de-evolving into other forms of life. The t-cell apparently activates introns, fragments of dormant DNA left over from earlier stages in the evolutionary process. Examples of the effects include Riker becoming a proto-human, Troi becoming an amphibian life-form and Barclay beginning a transformation into a spider. Discovery that Spot has mutated into a lizard but that her new-born kittens are unaffected suggests that amniotic fluid may provide the basis for a cure.

 As Nurse Ogawa has recently become pregnant, Data begins to devise a counter-agent using a sample of her amniotic fluid. However, Worf begins trying to break into sickbay to reach Counsellor Troi using his abilities as a far deadlier but less intelligent proto-Klingon lifeform. Picard, despite the fact he is beginning a devolution into a prey-level form of early primate, uses a concentrate of Troi’s pheromones to lure Worf away from sickbay, eventually subduing him in a Jeffries tube by electrocuting him. This buys Data the time he needs to synthesise and release an airborne counter-agent that reverses the devolution. Later, a recovered Dr Crusher informs Barclay that when she gave Barclay the synthetic t-cell, it activated more dormant genes than she intended and then co-opted his flu infection to spread to the rest of the crew. She suggests naming this new form of illness after him, and Troi notes that given what Barclay has just been through, she had better clear her calendar for the next few weeks.

Review:

This is TNG’s last Barclay episode, the first episode of any Trek series directed by a female cast member, and the first and only Trek episode directed by Gates McFadden, who of course plays Dr Crusher. Now while this episode might be a fun one for people who enjoy seeing Trek do horror and enjoy seeing the talents of Michael Westmore when it comes to creature make-up and prosthetics, it’s not got much to go on besides that.  There’s no issue exploration to be found in this episode and no character development either; it’s just a filler episode that allows the show to meet a given quote of episodes for the season.  That said, at least for the most part it’s well performed, but it’s still Trek not being Trek.  For me, it’s only worth 5 out of 10.

[ganymedesclock]

Character Analysis: Shiro

[ Lance ] [ Hunk ] [ Pidge ] [ Keith ] [ Allura ] [ Coran ]

Just for entertaining meta-ish purposes I’m going to do these in the order that the characters are introduced in the show. So that means we’re starting off with Fearless Space Leader. 

When trying to take a comprehensive read of Shiro’s character, Kerberos and its aftermath- the missing year- leaps out. Indeed, the start of Shiro’s misfortunes is the first thing we see of him and in fact the first thing shown onscreen.

However, while it’s certainly a lie to say the missing year doesn’t play a big part in who Shiro is, it’s important to acknowledge that this isn’t remotely the only thing he has going on, and a lot of Shiro was defined long before the Galra Empire had anything to do with him.

Something that can be noted in s1e5 on Pidge’s recollection of the report on the Kerberos mission is that Shiro wears the same gray Garrison uniform as Commanders Iverson and Holt. However, we also see this uniform on many personnel in the instructors’ lounge Lance and Hunk sneak past in s1e1, and Shiro refers to “our commander on the Kerberos mission”, suggesting Shiro himself is not of that rank.

That said, his uniform does have a medal on the left side of the chest. This tells us that Shiro was decorated- reinforced in s1e1 as Lance refers to Shiro as a legend and his personal hero- glowing terms unlikely if Shiro’s only claim to fame was the doomed Kerberos mission.

This all tells us Shiro has been in the spotlight for a while. Furthermore, at age 25, he’s rather young to have such high honors. It suggests he’s a bit of a prodigy, which would further push his high reputation.

In short, Shiro is used to being under scrutiny. With what is most likely a mix of natural talent and the formidable tenacity and strength of spirit that carried him through his missing year, he’s distinguished himself from his peers and has been recognized. This is how he’s used to operating, and a trait denoted in the virtues of the Black Paladin itself- someone “whose men follow without question.”

This is a trait that has basically been a constant for Shiro- a decorated officer at the Garrison, the Champion of the arena, the Black Paladin with Voltron. Shiro has basically never been a nobody at any point in his life we’re aware of and this shows in his personality. He is someone who people reflexively turn to, who stands out from a crowd, and this is what he’s used to

What this means, is... a couple of things. 

Shiro is something of a perfectionist about presentation

It is imperative to Shiro to make a good impression, particularly on strangers. He is not, by nature, a particularly uptight or fussy person- but in s1e2 when the paladins are all called to attention, Shiro is the only one who appears in perfect assembly- both in a timely manner and suited up. We can also see that Shiro sometimes, but not always, puts a damper on the team’s antics if he feels like they get “too silly” (particularly in season 1 when he is less familiar with them)

This makes a lot of sense. Shiro basically has military background- he is a trained pilot in a space program (yes, it is rocket science) and he is one who is used to commendation and standing out from his peers. He also has history of working rather closely with Iverson- who as we see, is something of a stickler. This also ties into something of how Shiro expresses his trauma and sentiments- or, rather, doesn’t. 

His desire to clean up and make a good impression will often lead to him presenting a calm, put-together image. Not all of that is insincere, but Shiro also doesn’t completely realize when he is stifling himself- he sees it as a matter of responsibility. He needs to have his head together for the team- especially in a dangerous situation, he can’t afford to be at less than his best.

This is not at all that Shiro is not a playful or cheerful person, or that he’s incapable of easing up. It’s mostly that I think Shiro has a strong sense of on the clock verses off it- he has a sense of humor, and an inclination to goof around, as we can watch the team easily pull him into things like the spore ball fight- but Shiro’s reflex, as much as he can, is to try to present himself as the straitlaced proper soldier and it leaves him just a little bit stiff sometimes. 

(I’m willing to bet he was kind of a teacher’s pet when younger)

 Shiro is pretty much “the therapist friend”

Considering Zarkon and Shiro are counterparts who both at some point bonded to the same Lion, a certain amount of insight into one can be gained from studying the other. One of the major points of differences between Zarkon and Shiro, however, is the perspective of duty verses entitlement. Zarkon operates heavily out of the latter- because he is leader, he is owed the loyalty and toil of his subordinates. Their lives are his, and he has little qualms about taking them, or demanding that they give them, to serve his ambition.

Shiro views his relationship with his team much more as duty. Considering the allusion to royalty (Shiro is the head of Voltron, in a sense ‘crowned’), Shiro operates very much with the sense of ‘Noblesse Oblige’. Shiro’s position over the team comes with it a responsibility to the team.

He does take ownership of the team- but he does so in that he takes ownership for their welfare. “My team got captured by aliens once. I’m not going to let it happen again.” The first scene we see of him is that he tows Matt Holt by the arm to try and push him and Commander Holt away from the Galra cruiser. He speaks up to try and protect the team at his own expense, and as we find out in s1e3, did so again- destroyed his reputation to the other prisoners, painted himself as a bloodthirsty monster, and personally pushed himself first into a death match to try and keep Matt safe.

Very often, we can see that there is a soft side to Shiro and it comes out with other members of the team when they are uncertain. Much of his relationship with Keith seems to be that he has been there as a counselor and support- and he rapidly takes this up with Pidge, explicitly offering to be a keeper of her secret, and reassuring her when she panics. However, during s2e10, he also picks up on Lance describing himself as the team sharpshooter and specifically acknowledges Lance on that subject later in the mission, and as early as the first episode, he takes time to acknowledge the Garrison Trio (Lance, Pidge, and Hunk) for helping him escape quarantine.

Despite being the leader of Voltron, Shiro feels very strongly about letting others pursue their own goals- again, in s1e1 we see this with Pidge when he changes his strategy to accommodate her desire to look for her family, and then later when he defends Pidge’s right to leave the team.

While this overlaps a bit with Shiro’s perfectionist nerve and desire to present himself as a good soldier- it reflects poorly on a leader if his team is unhappy- it would seem that Shiro has an unrelated, but powerful motivation to support others and see them thrive. 

Balance and the Black Paladin

Every Voltron Lion carries with it an elemental theme, but also a visceral, bodily motif. Furthermore, the four “limb” Lions are also sorted left from right, and arms from legs- there are thematic differences between the legs (support) versus the arms (action) but also the left side of the body (defense/fortification) and the right (offense/agility).

The Black Lion exists at the intersection of those categories. It connects to both arms and legs and holds them together- it is quite literally the core of Voltron.

This tells us something interesting about the role that Shiro plays. He is partially supportive, partially active, a mix between offense and defense. The Black Lion is the generalist and the negotiator between the disparate parts. Allura describes the Black Paladin as “someone who is in control at all times”- I personally read that as someone who is able to reconcile the very different and potentially conflicting components of Voltron. Shiro is usually the one who calls for the team to unite or separate, and the first attempt is done by his motivational speech.

However, balance is something of a tricky subject for Shiro. While his attentiveness and receptiveness to his team are very valuable traits, and a noble, compassionate quality that separates him from Zarkon the ruthless tyrant- it also can lead him to a degree of self-denial, which can potentially cause him to teeter the other way- stern and controlling, with his neglected issues tainting his perspective in ways he doesn’t realize.

Effectively, the Black Paladin is tasked with balancing the carrot and the stick. A leader that must be able to potentially reign in and command the team with authority- but also someone who has to be receptive and open to their team.

What’s interesting to me, is that Shiro and Zarkon appear on opposite sides of that balance. Zarkon has utterly fallen off one side- control and force of personality to the point that his own allies often resent him or hide valuable information from him. His sense of control has destroyed his receptiveness to the point that he can no longer even acknowledge the Black Lion as a living being.

Shiro, conversely, tends to default to over-compassionate to the point of, as mentioned, self-destruction. He is entirely too okay being a martyr for the success of the team and success of the mission- the way he talks about the Kerberos mission makes it rather clear he considers the Holts being in danger as, in some way, a personal failure, as if there was anything he could do about it. Having a long history as a prodigy child has probably set him up to a certain degree to feel that he has to succeed. And part of that is Shiro considers himself acceptable collateral- he’s strong, he can take it, he’s more worried about everyone else, Pidge is fourteen, they’re mostly cadets, he knows how Keith gets, Allura and Coran lost their entire civilization.

Compared to that, it’s so much easier to keep putting stress on himself because he’s a survivor, he can make it.

I’ve talked before about the fact that Shiro is self-destructive, but he’s self-destructive in a particularly insidious manner in that he doesn’t even see it as self-destruction. He’s self-destructive in the way of someone who loses an extra hour of sleep each night doing a friend’s homework for them, because he’s moved by their suffering.

Making it very likely Shiro will only realize quite how much he’s been shorting himself at a point where he actually crashes, hard. And that leads to my other point.

Fragility and the Black Paladin

While Black’s position as both head and heart of Voltron cement, in big glowing letters, that she’s The Leader, it also contains a rather dire warning.

The head and core of the body contain the vital organs. And without the arms or legs, those vitals are very poorly equipped to defend themselves. 

I think that this is a very good place to mention Shiro’s trauma.

There were several facets to what Shiro experienced during his missing year, and what I think he’s carrying with him.

Loss of control- down to the most fundamental level. Shiro’s own bodily integrity was violated. I don’t think it’s very surprising that being strapped down to a table is one of the main images we have of what happened to him, and this appears to be a major trigger. This also ties in a bit to how Shiro tends to lean more towards compassion than control- I think that he is able to empathize as someone who has felt controlled by others, and is loathe to push that outside of certain scenarios where he’s more keenly feeling his own loss of control.

“The Champion”- I think this is often misread- that people imagine that somehow the bloodthirsty persona Shiro fabricated is an actual “dark entity” Shiro imagines and fears, and one projected out into the world by Haggar in the season 1 finale. Rather- I think that what Shiro struggles with is more what he was forced- knowingly- to do, both to Matt Holt and whoever came across from him in the gladiator ring. Survival is a very harsh motivation to live under. 

Isolation- being separated from the Holts, and, thanks to spreading the reputation as a violent gladiator, it would seem that he may have felt alienated from the other prisoners. (that said, perhaps not as much as he believed, as despite knowing him as “The Champion”, the prisoners from s1e1 and s1e3 knew his name and trusted him to save them)

Failure- Tying into how a certain piece of Shiro’s identity is as the good soldier, the decorated officer- Shiro was unable to protect the Holts and was forced to do things against his will and personal values. Almost everything he set out to do did not succeed. His escape was not at his own hands. While seemingly insignificant relevant to the others points here, I think that also hit hard.

Where this comes back to fragility, and the danger of the Black Paladin alone- I think that Shiro uses a lot of the team, the other paladins looking up to him and needing him to a degree- as a coping mechanism. Engaging with them, working with them, he’s able to operate more closely to his pre-Kerberos self. In Voltron, he finds an identity as a hero, a force of good, a beacon of hope. Lance, Hunk, Keith, Pidge, and even Allura to a degree look up to him, and certainly the rest of the team (including Coran since I left him out the last time) just plain likes him.

It’s not a coincidence that Shiro tends to do his worst without that support and validation- or that Shiro’s role in the team and whether or not he’s worthy of it is something both Sendak in s1e9 and Zarkon in general attack.

There’s a thread of survivor’s guilt to Shiro- questioning whether or not he’s worthy of the Black Lion, and how when confronted by his own mortality, his response is to try and make sure everyone else will be okay without him. It doesn’t seem to be a very powerful thread, but it is a worrying one.

Shiro shows a lot of the textbook symptoms of PTSD- panic attacks, flashbacks, anxiety, and hypervigilance. We also see coping mechanisms out of him, largely centered around maintaining a sense of control over the situation. 

When Shiro grapples with someone who is able to significantly affect his situation and can’t or won’t yield to him for some reason (Sendak in s1e9, Black in s2e7, and Slav in s2e10 are good examples)- his response tends to be an immediate panic attack and a lot of hostility. 

Black is a particularly interesting example, because we see him calm down basically on a dime as soon as he realizes Black is trying to tell him something- suggesting for Shiro, there’s another judgment placed on whether or not he thinks the other person is being reasonable, in which case his desire to hear them out (compassion) will overrule his desire to regain control of the situation.

This suggests Shiro, at his foundation, had a pretty good life before Kerberos, and this is a reassuring frame of mind that he comes back to- the universe is orderly. Things make sense and adhere to rules. We can see him actively attempting to manage and reduce his anxiety by identifying patterns in unpredictable things- during his captivity, he started timing the guard rotations. Being able to recognize the drone’s movements enough to predict its behavior ascribed a sense of control even though he could not practically go do something about that situation.

Black’s behavior is not threatening when it is reasonable, even if she still isn’t turning around to go back to the Castle. But when he can’t make sense of her rejecting him (was it Zarkon’s interference? Is he unworthy? Why right then?) that troubles him and his response is to go looking for answers.

Quite possibly, a good part of what troubled Shiro about the empire (though much of that doesn’t really need additional context) was that, as it is all ultimately rooted in basically just Zarkon’s ambition- it all seemed completely senseless. Shiro’s first attempt at talking to the empire is an appeal to reason- we represent no threat, we are unarmed, Earth is peaceful- and the response he’s met with is effectively no one here cares.

Shiro, the peer leader, the charismatic, bright, prodigious person, who is used to a world that makes sense and is orderly, was thrown suddenly into an empire that actively tries to style itself on selfishness and more or less vindictive whim.

And that majorly clashed with his sense of justice.

Justice, and Shiro’s temper

So I’ve talked a lot about how Shiro wants to take care of people and support others and that does make him out to be a sweet innocent boyscout who toddles through life just looking for people to help, but he really isn’t, and I think the major “edge” to Shiro is the intersection of his sense of responsibility and sense of the universe as orderly.

Basically, Shiro believes in justice. Not as an abstract concept, that the world is just and you sit back and let the good things happen to the right people- Shiro believes in justice as an obligation.

If you are able to do good, you should. If you are a leader, you take care of the people beneath you. If you have power, you use it and you use it responsibly. Like I said- noblesse oblige.

And if Shiro sees someone as unjust, he has no sympathy for them.

This might sound interesting, because Shiro was very patient with the idea of Pidge abandoning Voltron for arguably a selfish goal- but in that situation, Shiro softens his edge towards both Pidge and Keith, because he understands where they’re coming from. 

He sees Pidge, first and foremost, as a fourteen-year-old girl fairly freshly alone (Colleen Holt is a presence, but Pidge is currently away from her) in the universe who wants to find her family. And he knows Keith is someone who has a lot of hurt about being left behind- but he won’t let Keith yell at Pidge, because Pidge’s quest is just, even if it leaves Voltron high and dry.

This tells us that Shiro’s sense of justice is rooted more in compassion than it is in his sense of order. Practically, Pidge is saying “screw the greater good, I want my family,” but Shiro relates to that- that the greater good is a cold thing and he does not want to involuntarily conscript anyone to that. Even when Pidge chooses to stay, and before the idea of Pidge leaving the team even is brought up, Shiro fully intends to give her both- he doesn’t force her to stick to the plan in s1e1, but rather actively tries to help her with her personal mission.

(This is something we see also in s1e5, where Shiro is on the side of responding to the distress beacon even though they’re en route to the Balmera)

Conversely- if Shiro does not have that personal understanding of where someone is coming from- if their behavior doesn’t seem reasonable and justified- what tends to come out is a mix of fury and contempt, and I think so far the clearest recipient we have of it is Lubos.

Lubos is effectively everything Shiro despises in a person- a leader who is adored by his populace and who responded by letting them worry about him and praise his name while in dire straits... when he himself was perfectly unharmed and comfortably seen to. The fact that Lubos’s attendant is in manacles and prisoner’s clothes while Lubos enjoys his movie pretty much sums it up.

And Shiro actually shoves Lubos forwards onto the ground when returning him to Ryner. There is nothing but scorn in Shiro’s voice. This is the basic failing of what it means to be a leader and there’s a lot of that same anger three episodes later when Shiro tells Zarkon “you’re no Black Paladin.”

We can also see Shiro’s sense of justice in a lot of how he responds to the Blade of Marmora. His initial response, to Ulaz- is very positive. Ulaz fits everything Shiro sees as reasonable. He’s blunt and to-the-point but that doesn’t matter.

Initially meeting Kolivan, that positiveness sours quickly. Because Kolivan doesn’t seem to care about Ulaz’s sacrifice- and then he’s more concerned about the weapon Keith is carrying than he is about the good of the universe- what they’re ostensibly there to talk about- and has no qualms putting Keith through the trial.

(This is another case in point of Shiro’s sense of small justice more than worldly justice- while holo Shiro demands Keith choose between the blade or Voltron, real Shiro pretty much adamantly denies that he or anyone has a right to take that weapon away from Keith, even if it means he’d basically have to singlehandedly fight his way out of the Blade base to Red in order to leave).

However... that initial anger towards Kolivan doesn’t last. Because Kolivan proves himself to be a reasonable person- he kind of redeems himself in Shiro’s eyes. (with the implication the Blade tended to Keith’s wounds after the trial, I wouldn’t be surprised if that had a big part in it.)

In summary

Shiro is a bit of a perfectionist, a very talented and charismatic person who’s spent a lot of his life in the spotlight and puts some meticulous thought into his presentation. He struggles with seeing himself as a failure, to a degree, and is a very compassionate person who cares about justice- mostly in a very interpersonal sense rather than a distant greater good.

As a traumatized person, he wants to feel in control of the situation, but does not want to assert control over others’ lives. That will not stop him from judging the hell out of you if he thinks you’re negligent in your duty for no good reason, and he can have some very harsh first impressions of people that he later comes to respect. 

[everlarkbirthdaydrabbles]

Hey! My birthday is March 25 (the big 3-0). I love smutty!everlark (preferably rated E) and Peeta in a uniform. That would be an awesome present, but I'd be happy with anything=) I think you're doing such a great job with this blog. It's a wonderful idea!

Grattis på födelsedagen!! Wishing you a wonderful birthday @maxwellandlovelace. To help you celebrate in style, the always incredible @katnissdoesnotfollowback has written this wonderful slice of Everlark, just for you!

All’s Fair

WARNINGS: RATED M for mild language, immature pranks, and smut. Everlark college/military cadets AU. ;-)

*************************

“You sure you know how to pick one of these things?”

“Yep,” I whisper as I continue to work quietly. Not as fast as I’d like since my hands are shaking.

“Damn, Everdeen, where’d you learn to pick a lock?”

“Senior prank in high school,” Gale explains to them quietly. “I hotwired the principal’s car and she picked the lock on the hockey rink so we could park it on the ice.”

“Nice,” Mitchell says.

“You scare me, Everdeen,” someone else mutters. A third snorts in response and Gale reminds them to keep their eyes open.

We’ve only got an hour to complete our mission. I just can’t believe the senior cadets picked THIS for our squad. Technically, our assignments are selected by lottery a week in advance, but I’m still not convinced that they don’t KNOW and rigged the drawing. Gale’s reminders that targeting the Air Force cadets on campus is a pretty standard assignment did little to dispel my worries when I’ve basically had to lie to someone I care about for a week. And I’ve never been a great liar.

With a satisfying, click, the lock springs free, and I hold the door open, motioning for my squad mates to get inside quickly with their bags of JB Weld and cans of silly string. We’ve already blinded the cameras on the outside, and they move quickly through the darkened hall to blind the interior ones while I lock the door behind us. Just in case.

Gale finds the right room and motions for us to follow.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me. I thought they were shitting us,” Mitchell mutters and Gale nods as we all stare at the gleaming wood table.

“Nothing says Chair Force like a fucking pool table in your ROTC detachment,” Holmes says.

As one, we tilt our heads back and look up at the plaster ceiling.

“Think it’ll hold?” I ask.

“Only one way to find out,” Gale says and drops his bag on the floor. We’ve just got one side of the pool table lifted to flip it over when the jingle and then the scrape of a key in a lock renders all of us wide-eyed and immobile.

“Shit!” Thresh says and douses the flashlight as we all scramble to hide our gear and ourselves in dark corners of the room.

“It’s three in the morning. What the fuck is one of them doing in here?”

“I thought Zoomies needed their beauty rest.”

I hush them all as the door we came through earlier opens and the lights in the hallway flicker on. Heavy footsteps tread down the hallway, and we all remain motionless. Breathlessly hoping to avoid detection.

A cadet in creased, dark blue pants and a crisp, light blue shirt walks by the open doorway, his head bent and eyes focused on the phone in his hand. Black bookbag slung over his left shoulder and a blue flight cap hung neatly in his belt. His black shoes shining and flaring in the hall lights. I have to hold back a groan. The odds are clearly against me tonight.

Why did it have to be him?

We remain silent and still as he unlocks a door further down the hall. His keys jingle as he drops them on a desk and then his bag thuds onto the floor. A zipper and then books on a desk. It’s otherwise so quiet that we can even hear his chair squeak as he sits down. When the air conditioner kicks on, Gale motions for us to move on him, and we gather around him.

“What the fuck do we do now?” Mitchell hisses.

“Wait him out,” Jackson suggests.

“We gotta report back to Boggs by o-four-hundred. There’s no telling how long he’ll be here,” Thresh argues.

Holmes produces a handful of zip cuffs from his pocket and grins. “We could use these.”

“We can’t tie him up,” I whisper indignantly. “Why did you even bring those?”

“Why not?” Gale asks.

“Yeah. Prank plus prisoner. We’d get a shit ton of bonus points for that.”

“Give me those,” I mutter and snatch them out of Holmes’ hand, stuffing them in one of the cargo pockets of my pants. The cadet down the hall coughs and we all freeze for a moment, not talking again until we hear the steady drumming of fingers on a keyboard. I release a slow breath and glare at my squad mates before explaining my thrown together just this second plan.

“If we jump him and tie him up, it could get out of hand. I know him from one of my classes last year. I’ll go distract him and cuff him if I need to while you guys finish the mission and get out of here. I think he’s in a room with a window, if I’ve got the layout of this place right. So toss a pebble or something at the window when you’re done – DON’T break it,” I say to Holmes when he opens his mouth. “And I’ll meet back up with you outside, okay?”

“How’re ya gonna distract him, Everdeen?” Mitchell says and wiggles his eyebrows at me. Gale punches him in the arm. “Ow. Dude.”

“Leave that to me,” I whisper. “Just let me get the door shut before you all get back to work. And try to be quiet.”

With a deep breath, I make my way out to the hallway and slink down it’s length towards the open door. I can’t believe that I have to do this. Fuck it all. Pausing outside the lit room where the intruder continues pounding on the keyboard, I glance at the cardstock label in a slip cover announcing that this is the Cadet Wing Vice Commander office. Yep. It’s definitely him and not a figment of my overwrought imagination.

I glance back at my team. Mitchell is grinning and Holmes gives me a thumbs up. Thresh and Jackson look unimpressed. Gale is scowling. Well, so much for secrets, I think and step inside the small room that’s set up as a kind of office, shutting and locking the door behind me.

Peeta glances up at the noise and I stare back at him for a moment, my tongue tied and my pulse pounding. Confusion clears the way for happiness on his face and that only makes me feel worse.

“Hey,” he says softly. “I thought you had some sort of drill.”

“Finished early and saw you come in here.” I’m only lying slightly, but he nods, eyes skimming over my form, clad in camo pants and a black shirt, while I steal a glance at the window and hide my relief that it’s got blinds – which are closed – but no curtains. My squad will easily be able to find the right one but not be able to actually see us.

“Covert op?” he asks and I nod, focusing back on him. “Well, I’m glad you stopped by.”

He stands and my insides turn to melted butter. I remind myself that I am training to be a soldier. An officer in the Army, and I can’t keep letting a pair of sweet pink lips and deep blue eyes distract me. Especially not since I’m supposed to be distracting him right now.

“What’re you doing up so early?” I ask dumbly, gripping the door handle as he crosses the small space towards me. My nerves tightening with every passing second.

“Couldn’t sleep after you left,” he murmurs. “Thought I might as well get up and get a head start on that psyc paper I have due next week. If I finish it early, I can spend the weekend with you.”

“And the uniform…?” I trail off and finger the buttons on his shirt. He moves my hand aside so I don’t ruin his perfect alignment.

“Have to wear it today anyways and didn’t feel like dragging it around campus.”

“Makes sense,” I say as warmth curls low in my belly. He’s handsome in anything, but for some reason, I love the way he looks in his blues. Still, I need to keep Peeta busy. Our mission could potentially cause a lot of noise. I’ve no sooner thought it, than it happens. Quiet enough that I could pass it off as something else, but Peeta’s eyes lift off my face, confusion wrinkling his brow.

I do the only thing I can think of in the moment. I throw my arms around him and kiss him, his sound of surprise muffled beneath my lips.

Willing him to forget the noise and respond to me, I caress the back of his neck, moaning slightly when his hands finally press into my spine, holding me close to him. I watch his lashes, distractingly long and blonde, as his eyes slide shut and he breathes deeply through his nose. I hold his head to mine and try to fight back the hunger growing deep inside me.

Focused. I need to stay focused.

But kissing Peeta isn’t exactly helping my concentration. Not when he slides one hand up my back to tangle in my braided hair and keep me in place. Not when his tongue traces over my lips and I know I have to let him in or risk his suspicion. Guilt fills me right along with the need as he deepens the kiss. I can’t help feeling that I’m using him, but it’s his fault for walking in here in the middle of our task.

“Katniss,” he murmurs as I try to maneuver us away from the door. I’m wondering if I can just kiss him for an hour, but then he ruins the chances of that. He shifts his mouth to kiss my neck and my knees shake as I shiver and fall into him for support. “Since you’re done, do you think we could go back to bed for a few hours?”

I can feel the upwards tilt of his lips as he smiles against my skin. Heat, already blooming in my chest, suffuses to the tips of my body, curls low in my center. I whine a little as his teeth scrape over my collar bone. I need to keep it together and keep him in this room until they’re done. And the last thing I need is for the others to figure me out. I’ll never live it down if my squad finds out I’ve secretly been dating a Zoomie for the past year. And I’m sure Peeta would face similar ridicule for dating a Ground Pounder. Stupid fucking rivalries. They make no sense and I’ve never hated them more than in this moment.

“Maybe in a minute,” I say, my voice all breathy. “There’s something I’ve wanted to do for awhile.”

When I reach for the gleaming silver buckle on his belt, though, he stops me. “Wait. I’m not sure I’ll be able to put this thing back on right without a mirror. But I think I know what you’ve got in mind. Let me.”

I’ve never been very good at saying ‘no’ to that smile, so I flop into the desk chair when he pushes me down and grip the armrests while he kisses me. I bite my lip and try not to gasp when he tugs my shirt free, sliding his warm palm over my belly to cup my breast over my sports bra, his thumb catching on my nipple and only making me writhe more beneath his touch.

He pulls at my pants and I lift my hips, caressing his cheeks as he slides them down around my thighs. Then he kneels and drapes my legs over his shoulders, trapping himself between my legs and I try not to whine loudly because my squad is still out there, but holy mother of pearl do I love having Peeta’s mouth on me like this. And he knows it.

“There’s no one here, Katniss,” he murmurs, nuzzling my thigh before kissing it and gazing up at me. “You don’t have to be quiet.”

“Audio on the security cameras?” I ask weakly and he shrugs.

“No idea. They’re all out in the halls anyways. Scream my name all you want. I’ll take the punishment for it,” he says with a grin before lowering his mouth to me.

“Oh,” I moan and then cut it off, biting my fist as Peeta licks me from one end to the next. It feels so good, so impossibly good. I clamp my legs around his ears and he mumbles something that’s lost in my folds. His hands grip my thighs and tug in an attempt to loosen them. But there’s another loud noise down the hall, so I keep them in place and buck my hips against his mouth. I am torn in two between losing myself in the feelings Peeta creates and paying attention to what’s happening down the hall, remaining alert like I should.

“You’re making me work for it tonight,” he says when my legs loosen slightly and he lifts his head just enough to grin at me before he dives back in. His tongue caresses deeper this time before he slides it back out and closes his lips around my clit to suck on it, and oh god, he knows I can’t take it when he flicks his tongue on me like that.

“Peeta,” I gasp, my legs trembling and heat skipping up and down my spine as my fingers claw through his short hair, scraping scalp and unable to get a good grip on him.

I give up on playing lookout for my team and arch painfully in the chair, my back cramping as my legs and hands keep him prisoner against me and sweet relief flows through me. I choke back the moan desperate to fly free of my throat and somehow remain silent as Peeta keeps going, coaxing me through a drawn out release and then back down through shuddering aftershocks.

He turns his head just enough to kiss my thigh again as I slump in the chair and absently pet his hair. With a chuckle, he frees himself of my legs and helps me stand, tugging my pants back up my waist before he gathers me in his arms and kisses me again. Slow and deep, full of promise.

When he lifts his head to smile down at me, though, something pings against the window. My signal that they’re done.

“What the–”

As Peeta turns away from me towards the sound, I grab the chair and shove it into the backs of his knees, knocking him off his feet. He falls heavily back into it and I yank the zip cuffs from my pocket. Peeta stares up at me in astonishment as I bind his wrists together.

“Really?” he asks incredulously. I tug his ankles together and he doesn’t fight me as I bind those too. When I look guiltily back up at him, he’s not angry. He’s laughing.

“I’m sorry, Peeta. You didn’t leave me a choice. You should’ve just stayed in bed,” I snap. He shrugs and wriggles his fingers at me.

“Worth it,” he murmurs and warmth flows through me that he’s being so understanding. “So now what? You finish me off? Plaster a picture of me trussed up like a hog all over both our detachments?”

“No, nothing like that,” I say and lean over to kiss him one last time. Small consolation for the fact that even without photographic evidence, his entire cadet corps will probably figure out that he got nabbed and tied up by the Army cadets. But I need him to know that his humiliation was never my objective.

I tuck my shirt back in my pants and run my hands over my hair. “I’ll see you later?”

“See you later,” he says way too cheerfully for someone who just got beat. I stare at him a moment but his calm face reveals nothing. So I slip warily back down the hallway, pausing to check my squad’s handiwork and chuckling at the pool table attached to the ceiling. They’ve propped it up with a couple two-by-fours, I’m guessing to make sure the epoxy has time to cure. It oughta be interesting seeing them get THAT down. I just hope Gale remembered to take the pictures for proof.

I slink back out the door and around the corner, pausing near the bushes to chirp like a cricket, our signal in case of separation. A soft FWUMP greets me and then I cry out as something smacks into my chest, causing a burst of pain. When I glance down, I stare at the fluorescent orange paint splattered on my shirt.

My ears ring with resounding cheers from the bushes. A flashlight glows on five figures, kneeling in a circle beneath the trees, their hands on their heads, all of them with paint splatters on their shirts, nearly identical to mine. I find Gale, looking pissed as hell, duct tape over his mouth. A ring of cadets in dark pants and black shirts, Air Force wings screen printed in blue on their backs, guards them, lifting paint ball guns in the air as they whoop in glee.

Crossing my arms, I glare at the nearest one as he emerges from the shadows. A tall, athletic, copper haired pretty boy who I’d really love to smack the saunter out of right now.

“Odair,” I drawl his name and he bows to me.

“Everdeen. Surrender?”

“I don’t think so,” I say with a shake of my head. “Your pool table’s hanging from your ceiling. Oh and you might wanna go check on your vice. He got a little tied up in there.”

“Shall we call it a draw then?” Finnick offers and I nod. It’s probably the best I can hope for, to at least save some face with my corps. We shake on it and Finnick motions towards my squad. A few cadets start to remove the tape. “Mason, go untie Mellark, would you?”

Then he turns back to me with a gleam in his eye. “I hope you weren’t too rough on our live bait. Although it was mostly his idea.”

He grins at me as I bristle at his words, which suggest that Peeta knew the whole time what was going on and even had a hand in planning this little ambush. Which means I wasn’t the only one lying and playing the game. Guilt flees and anger takes it place. And I am so glad that I still have several of Holmes’ zip cuffs in my pockets, because I plan on using them to teach the live bait a lesson later on today.

[bluelionlogs]

Blue Lion Log: Entry 16

Update:

Hunk is awake, and it seems he’ll make a full recovery. It was easier to fix him up with him telling me where and how he was hurting. Thankfully, his injuries are mostly bruising and what appears to be a sprained wrist, but that’s easy to bounce back from. It won’t hold him down for long.

He’s been catching me up on what happened to him and Pidge after they got captured. Apparently they were separated from their lions and sent to a different ship pretty quickly. The Galrans probably didn’t want to risk them breaking out and taking the lions, because they totally would have. Of that, I have no doubt.

Hunk was the only one to get away though. Pidge managed to hack through their cell door and get Hunk into the hangar with the fighter jets, but the Galrans caught on too quickly. Pidge held them off while Hunk escaped. Him finding his way here, to the planet I’d made my own, was pure luck though. He’d just been looking for a place to hide and found me instead. So I guess the universe is still looking out for him, at the very least.

And I… I’ve been better.

Right now, I’m just a little bit of wreck, trying to hold myself together by the thinnest of strings. I can’t afford to fall apart here, even if that’s all I really want to do. Just crumble to the ground and sob. Lose myself in the pain. Let all of the fear and the anger and the sorrow consume me so I don’t have to think about anything beyond this moment. So I don’t have to picture yet another future without Keith by my side.

I still can’t believe Keith’s switched sides on us. I just… it doesn’t make sense to me. He’d said he never would, that he might have some Galra DNA but it would never change his mind, that he couldn’t ever condone what Zarkon was doing. And I trusted him. Like with every other promise Keith made, I trusted him, because I’m young and naive and stupid, and stupidly in love with this reckless boy that I stupidly thought might love me back.

I can’t believe that was a lie though.That everything we went through-- all those nights spent curled together, mapping each other’s skin in silent reverence; those mornings spent just drinking each other in, pressing lazy kisses against every freckle, every scar, every inch of bare skin we could get our hands on; the overwhelming relief at seeing each other alive and whole after a dangerous mission; the days when Keith would tackle me onto our bed and not allow me to leave until he was practically glowing from satisfaction-- was all a lie.

Maybe I was just easily duped. It wouldn’t be the first time. But, in this case, that doesn’t make sense to me either. I mean, I’ll be the first to admit that Keith and I had a very rocky start to our relationship, and that for the first year and a half of knowing him I didn’t trust him at all. In fact, I didn’t want anything to do with him except to kick his ass.

I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this before, but Keith was at the Garrison academy at the same time Hunk and I were. He was fighter class; the class I wanted to be in but didn’t have the grades to achieve until Keith got kicked out. I was insanely jealous of him for the longest time. I wanted everything that seemed to come so naturally to him: the position, the skills, the admiration of both classmates and instructors. And maybe I was a horrible person back then, but all I could think when I heard the news about Keith was “thank god” and “finally,” even though I knew exactly why Keith had gotten the boot.

Everyone knew, to be honest. It’s not like Keith had secretly broken into Garrison files or anything, like someone else I know. No, there was no way even the Garrison could keep Keith’s theft of a fighter jet secret, especially after they brought him in for a disciplinary hearing and he chastised all the commanders for just leaving Shiro to die out there. For not even attempting to retrieve him or his crew.

I still remember the indignant echo of Keith’s voice in the academy’s auditorium, where the officers had called all the cadets to witness the punishment of their prodigy pilot. He’d stood before the officers, shoulders back and chin lifted in defiance, and calmly listed every infraction of procedure and every way the Garrison had failed Shiro’s crew while the officers sat dumbfounded.

“How could you let them down this way?” Keith had demanded as the officers stared in silent shock. They’d meant to make an example of him, but ended up being made into fools. I, grudgingly, admired him for that.

But even then, even knowing why he’d been kicked out and respecting what he’d done, I’d still been so glad to be rid of him the next year. I thought I’d finally be able to prove myself with Keith, the Garrison’s little darling, out of the way.

At least, I thought that way until I started failing all my classes, and then I hated Keith even more for setting such high expectations that I’d never be able to reach.

Not exactly the best way to begin a relationship, right? Or even a friendship. There were a lot of negative feelings there that took a very long time to go away. Even after several months of being paladins together, any time I saw Keith I couldn’t help but think of him as that rival from my Garrison days, of how much I wanted to beat him and be seen as better than him. I wouldn’t let him close at all, even when he started making attempts at getting to know me better.

So you see, it wouldn’t have been easy to trick me into caring with that much bad blood between us, regardless of whether Keith felt the same animosity or not. If Keith’s interest, if his concern and care, hadn’t been genuine back then, I would have realized. I wouldn’t have let myself thaw to his attempts. I wouldn’t have let myself grow to care.

No, whatever decision that led to Keith joining the Galra must have occurred after he and I had settled our disputes, when I might have possibly been blinded by my concern for him. But I can’t quite believe that either, because once I started caring, once I allowed myself to accept the feelings I had for him, Keith was all I could think about. My every sense seemed to be tuned into and filtered through him and how he viewed our situation.

I just can’t figure out where everything went wrong. What was it that I missed? Was there something happening that I just didn’t pick up on? That I didn’t see? That I could have fixed?

The only possibility I can think of is that at some point after Shiro died, when Keith was at his absolute lowest, he started changing. Started thinking and seeing things differently, but in such a subtle way that it got lost in the rest of the wreckage that he was. After all, there were so many other pieces of him I was trying to pick up and glue back together. This change in his thinking might have completely slipped past me, left to grow and fester until all that was left was this. This Keith that I don’t know or understand.

Hunk says… Hunk says he’s working as a commander under Zarkon now. Or maybe a lieutenant commander. Someone with a decent amount of power and access to a whole bunch of Galra fighter jets that he can order into battle while he stays safe in the command ship.

That doesn’t sound like my Keith though. My Keith would never pass up a chance to fly, even if that chance involves flying straight into the heart of battle. He wouldn’t even stop to think about it, he’d just go. My Keith would make himself the first in line while the rest of us just tried to catch up. He’d take on half the battle’s burden just by himself. He’d never ask anyone else to do what he himself wasn’t willing to.

My Keith never would have left us in the first place.

I guess, in that sense, Hunk was right. This isn’t the Keith I know. This Keith, this new Galran soldier, isn’t my Keith. Was never my Keith. Will never again be my Keith. And I just have to accept that fact and let him go. Let him become our enemy instead.

But god, it’s so difficult. And knowing he’s alive but out of reach makes it even worse. Somehow the unknown of captivity and the assumption that Keith was dead was easier to bear, because at least then I didn’t have to worry about eventually facing him in battle. I could treasure the moments we had together without having to analyze them all. Without doubting the one thing I’d thought I’d gotten right in this life. This is tearing a jagged hole right through my chest. It feels like all of me is just bleeding out and freezing over on the snow floor of our cave. I just want the pain to stop.

How do you forget someone you love? How do you force your heart to stop caring? How do you let go of your other half?