#he got so nasty that we put him on speaker in an area far enough away that if we were quiet he wouldn't know

[wordsmithwhumpsandfluff]

a really pukey, burpy, feverish aiden w oliver and issac as caretakers?

This one took forever😭

!TW! emeto

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“Too fucking early,” Aiden grumbled at the sound of some Tears For Fears song Spirit helped him set as his ringtone. Lying on his stomach, face smushed against his pillow, he began reaching out blindly to his ringing phone. He grabbed it and tuned his head, having to squint hard since he wasn’t wearing his glasses and the screen was bright. ‘Dad ;)’ was the name displayed on the screen.

He yawned as he answered the call and put it on speaker. “Hey, pops. Whassup?”

“Are you still sleeping, son??” his dad asked, waaaaay too loud and energetic. Aiden winced and turned the volume down a bit.

“Mm-hmmm,” he hummed in response. “So what? It’s so early.”

“It’s past noon,” his dad told him. “Are you okay?”

Aiden groaned. “It is not past noon, dad. It’s. . .” he squinted harder at the corner of his screen trying to read the tiny numbers. When the fuzziness cleared up a bit, his eyes widened. “Shit, it’s 12:57?!” The surprise startled him so much that he tangled up in his blankets and lost his balance as he tried to sit up, only to yelp as he tumbled off the side of his bed. “Fuuuuck,” he groaned, earning a hearty laugh from his dad’s end of the call.

“I’ll let ya go, Aiden,” his dad said. “Don’t go back to sleep, please. And your mom wants you to come over tonight for dinner. Could ya? I know the drive is a pain, but we miss you, kid.”

Aiden used his bed to pull himself up and said, “Yeah yeah, sure. I’ll come, dad. Bye now.”

“Bye, Aiden. Love you.”

”Love you, too.” He ended the call and let out a heavy sigh. He grimaced now that he was awake and aware of the unhappy grumbling in his belly. He’d made the mistake enough times to know exactly what the issue was.

The day before, he’d been too tired from a full day of working out—trying some boxing and fighting classes that Spirit had recommended to him—that he fell asleep as soon as he got home and woke up exhausted and sore and starving. He didn’t give a shit about where he ate dinner. A Ci-Ci’s Pizza was where he found himself eating dinner at nine at night. He must’ve scarfed four slices of pizza, a basket of boneless wings, four of those powdered-sugar-covered brownies, and re-filled his cup 3 times with Pepsi.

He hated eating that unhealthy. Not because he didn’t enjoy the taste, but because of the gross feeling and awful aftermath.

Cramping and hugging his churning gut, Aiden made his way to his bathroom to sit on the toilet. It took at least twenty minutes before he felt empty and a bit lightheaded.

He flushed and immediately got in the shower, using warm water to was the sticky feeling of sweat away. He kept pressing a hand to his stomach and massaging, bringing up belches that did little to ease the tightness in his gut.

He got out of the shower, got dressed into some sweatpants and a loose hoodie, put on his glasses, and slowly made his way to his kitchen to search for Pepto or Tums or something.

He had nothing. No medicine besides cough drops.

He was thankful that there was a grocery store not to far from his apartment. He lazily slipped on some crocs and grabbed his keys and left his place.

It took everything in him to stay focused on the road instead of his stomach. He just wanted to take some medicine, and then go back to sleep.

He parked close to the front of the store and muffled a burp against his fist as he got out. Still, he felt awful. He was eating lettuce and water for the rest of the week, he told himself.

The store was surprisingly empty, which he was glad about because that meant there’d be basically no lines at the checkout area.

Aiden went to the medicine area of the store and began scanning the shelves for Pepto. He got it in tablet and liquid form. Now, all he had to do was get back home, take the nasty medicine, flop on his bed (or the couch cuz it’s closer), and go back to sleep.

He planted a hand on his stomach, biting the inside of his cheek. Maybe he’d visit the grocery store’s bathroom first.

“Aiden? Hey, man.”

The familiar voice snapped Aiden out of his own mind, and he turned his head enough to see Isaac coming down the aisle.

“Hey,” Aiden said, smiling and trying hard not to sound exhausted.

He must have failed because Isaac’s own smile faltered ever so slightly. The blonde noticed the medicine in his hands. “Are you sick?” he asked.

Aiden shrugged. “It’s just a stomachache,” he assured the blonde, lying. Then he couldn’t help but ask, “How’s Spirit?”

“She’s doing great. We’re just picking up some Tylenol and other things for her.”

Aiden raised a brow. “We?”

Isaac seemed like he was about to answer when someone else who wasn’t in the aisle suddenly yelled, “Would Spirit kill us if we brought cucumber Gatorade instead of the lemon-lime one?”

Isaac chuckled, yelling back, “She might kill me. You’re safe, even if it’s your fault.”

“Not my fault. It’s the store’s fault because it’s all they had.” A skinny and short black-haired boy entered the aisle, carrying an armful of cucumber Gatorade bottles. He was reading a small list as he came down the aisle. “Did you find the Tylenol? Because we just need chips, and that’s it. Unless we add something to this list ourselves.” He looked up then, and jumped slightly as he realized Aiden was also there, dropping one of the bottles.

Isaac couldn’t help but chuckle at the guy, and Aiden waved slightly.

“S-sorry,” the black-haired guy said, clearly embarrassed by his own jerkiness.

Isaac managed to stop laughing, but he was still smiling as he picked up the bottle and handed it back to the guy. “Olive, this is Aiden.”

Oliver smiled at him a bit, seeming a little shy. “Hi. I’m Oliver.”

“Nice to meet you.” Aiden put two and two together. “You must be friends with Spirit, too.”

Oliver seemed surprised by the observation. When he looked at Isaac with confusion, the blonde shrugged and stated, “He’s Spirit’s secret ‘friend’.” The way he said friend made Oliver’s eyes widen after a beat.

He looked at Aiden, and then back at Isaac. “Spirit’s dating someone??!!?” he exclaimed. “And you knew???!!!!”

“Well, we’re not ‘dating’ dating,” Aiden said, quite amused by the situation.

Oliver looked at him, still completely flabbergasted. “What does that mean?”

“Well. . . I guess. . .”

“They’re going out, but they’re not ‘official’ yet,” Isaac explained.

That explanation seemed to clear up some of Oliver’s confusion, but he still seemed shocked.

Oliver asked a question, but at that moment Aiden felt his stomach cramp and the felling made him dizzy, causing him to sway a bit. He steadied himself quickly, asking, “Sorry, can you repeat that?”

“I was wondering how long you’ve known Spirit,” Oliver repeated, now studying Aiden’s body language with his eyes. Isaac was doing the same, his smile slightly faltering.

“Oh.” Aiden wanted to get out of there. “Since before summer.” Scratch that. He needed to get out of there.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” Isaac asked, noticing the way Aiden’s throat was bobbing.

Aiden nodded, but didn’t dare to open his mouth again. He felt his throat tickle.

That was the moment when Oliver also noticed the Pepto he was holding. “Are you gonna throw up?” he asked, seeming genuinely concerned and worried despite having just met him.

Aiden shook his head, jaw tense and willing his stomach to get into check. He brought a fist to his mouth, turning his head away from Isaac and Oliver as he let out a long burp muffled by his fist. He could faintly taste soda at the back of his throat.

His face burned as he lowered his fist, his embarrassment not exactly helping the feeling in his stomach. “Sorry about that. That was gross,” he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. The store felt colder, somehow. Aiden wondered if this was more than just his stomach being upset over his dinner.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it,” Isaac said, seeming more concerned. “You sure you’re okay? You just went, like, three shades whiter.”

Aiden waved off his concern, shaking his head again, but this time doing so just made his head spin and had black spots appearing in his vision. He felt himself teeter to the side and braced himself against the shelves of medicine, knocking a few bottles and boxes over. Something was wrong.

“Shit,” Isaac cursed, stepping forward and grabbing Aiden’s shoulder. “So, clearly you’re not okay,” he assessed. The blonde’s hand found its way to his nape, and Isaac grimaced at the heat there. “You’re burning up.”

Aiden opened his mouth to say he was fine, but his stomach jolted and he doubled over. All that came out was another sickly burp, but that was warning enough for him to shut his mouth.

Isaac cursed again and started rummaging through his pocket with his free hand and pulled out a wallet. “Olive, c’mere.” Oliver walked over, and Isaac stuck his wallet in the guy’s pocket. He then grabbed a bottle of Tylenol that was right there on the shelf and handed that to Oliver, too. Then he took the Pepto from Aiden as well.

“Hey, what—?” Aiden started, but Isaac just told Oliver, “Go pay for the stuff. I’m gonna get him outside.”

Aiden felt his face burn, and he shook his head. “You don’t have to pay for—”

“It’s fine,” Isaac assured him. “You’re burning up, dude. Really, it’s no problem.” Isaac helped him stand up straight and kept an arm on his shoulder as they made their way to the front of the store.

By the time they got outside, Aiden felt like his head was dethatched from the rest of his body and he was fighting back another belch. Or maybe it was actual puke this time.

At the sidewalk, Aiden stopped and doubled over, letting the floodgates open and projectile vomiting onto the curb while Isaac kept a steadying hand on his shoulder.

Another large burp came up, followed by more puke. Aiden groaned as spit dangled from his lip. He spat onto the mess, but didn’t stand back up straight. He wasn’t done.

“This is a nasty bug,” Isaac sighed.

Aiden didn’t look up at him as he said, “Thanks for helping.”

Isaac squeezed his shoulder a bit. “You don’t need to thank me. I’m doing this for my own benefit as much as yours. Spirit would probably kill me if she ever found out I just left you to basically die.”

Aiden chuckled. “Mmm’not dying.”

Isaac shrugged. “Considering what I’m looking at right now, agree to disagree.”

Aiden couldn’t help but smirk a bit, but that small smile fell away as his stomach revolted again and another heavy stream of vomit came up, splattering on concrete and the tips of his shoes. Aiden was left breathless afterwards, panting and squeezing his eyes shut as his head spun.

And how the hell had it suddenly gotten colder?!

Aiden had no idea how long he was bent over and heaving, but before long, he heard Oliver’s voice again.

He was too dizzy to listen as Isaac and Oliver exchanged a few words. Aiden heard the jingling of keys, and then Isaac asked him something.

“Hmm?”

“I said, can you give me your keys?” The blonde repeated. “There’s no way you can drive like this.”

Aiden knew he was right, so he reached into his hoodie pocket and handed the keys to Isaac, finally standing up straight but keeping an arm around his gut. He looked at Oliver and put on a queasy grin. “This isn’t exactly how I imagined I’d meet another one of Spirit’s friends.”

Oliver chuckled at that, reaching into one of the bags he was holding and taking out the Pepto. “I’m just glad that I know that Sprit’s dating-not-dating someone,” Oliver shrugged, handing the medicine to Aiden. “I’m gonna bring her this stuff. I’m glad we met.”

Aiden laughed a little as he took the medicine and put it in his pocket. “Tell her I said hi.”

“Will do,” Oliver said before looking at Isaac. “Just text me your location when you want me to pick you up.”

Isaac nodded, and Oliver walked away.

“Okay, let’s get you home, big guy,” Isaac said, patting Aiden’s back.

Aiden raised a brow. “Big guy?”

“Are you gonna say I’m wrong? You’re, like, ten feet tall.”

Aiden let out a little snort. “I’m only 6’4’’,” he said.

Isaac scoffed. “Only?! You’re a giant. I rest my case, big guy.”

When they found Aiden’s car, Isaac seemed genuinely surprised by the sky-blue BMW. “I honestly pegged you for a pickup-truck or Wrangler kind of guy,” Isaac said as he got into the driver seat.

Aiden chuckled, reaching for his glove compartment and pulling out some grocery bags, causing Isaac to raise a brow at him while pulling out. “You get carsick?”

“No. I’m just still queasy,” Aiden answered, reclining his seat and closing his eyes. “My address is the first one saved in my car’s GPS.

Isaac touched the car screen, and Aiden took deep breaths to push down the nausea.

By the time the car came to a stop at his building, he could feel another bout of sick rising up his throat, and he threw open the car door to puke onto the ground.

“Damn, I’m sorry you’re feeling so crappy,” Isaac said sympathetically, holding Aiden by the shoulder to keep him from falling out.

Aiden gagged a few more times, bringing up little painful burps that made him flush with embarrassment. Then he sat up, undoing his seatbelt. “I’m empty,” he stated.

“Good,” Isaac sighed, sounding relieved.

“Thanks for the help,” Aiden said to Isaac gratefully.

The blonde nodded, getting out of the car with Aiden. “Which floor?”

“The second.”

They made their way up to Aiden’s apartment. Since Isaac still had Aiden’s keys, he unlocked the door so they could both go in.

Aiden grabbed a water bottle from his fridge and went straight to his couch, too exhausted to go all the way to his bedroom. He took the Pepto out of his pocket and started pouring some of the liquid into the cap while Isaac left his keys on the counter before making his way over.

“You gonna be okay if I leave?” Isaac asked. “You’re not gonna die?”

Aiden chuckled before downing the shot of medicine, grimacing at the taste and washing it down with the water. “I’ll be fine,” he assured the blonde. “I just need to sleep this off.”

Isaac nodded. “Okay. I found a marker on your counter and I wrote my number on a napkin, so just text me or something if you need anything. Okay?”

Aiden smiled and nodded. “Okay. Thanks, man.”

Just then, Isaac’s phone chimed in his pocket and he pulled it out. “Oliver’s outside,” he said. “You live surprisingly close to me, so don’t hesitate to call if you need anything.”

“I will,” Aiden assured him. “Thanks. And I’ll pay you back for—”

“No, you won’t,” Isaac stated. Then he smiled softer. “Consider it a thanks for being someone Spirit feels comfortable and relaxed with. It’s a bigger deal than you think it is.”

Aiden felt his smile fade a bit, wondering what Isaac meant by that.

“Get better and don’t die!” The blonde said as he left.

Exhausted, Aiden laid on his side on the couch, fishing his phone out of his pocket and texting his parents that he wasn’t feeling well and would come to dinner tomorrow.

As soon as he pressed send, another text came in. . . from Spirit. Two more followed.

He opened her messages and laughed.

Spirit🔥: So, I heard you met Oliver. First things first, he told me that ur sick and Isaac had to take you home??? Are you okay??

Spirit🔥: Second, Isaac is grounded for letting Oliver get me f-ing cucumber Gatorade.🤮🥒.

Spirit🔥: Third, call me if you’re up to it. I hope you feel better.

Aiden smiled at her messages, sending back a quick, ‘I’ll feel better after I take a nap. We can call later, I promise.’

He was almost about to also type ‘I love you’, but he stopped himself. He knew neither he nor Spirit were ready for that just yet.

Instead, he just texted, ‘Can’t wait to chat after my hibernation’ and put his phone away so he could go back to sleep.

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is one of your friends complaining to you constantly because his girlfriend isn’t going to be at prom and so prom is going to be so depressing and he’s just going to be alone and it’s just going to be awful and the whole time you’re just sitting there knowing you will never have a date to prom or anywhere else for that matter and it’s really hard to stay positive about that when everyone is so freaking obsessed with romance

.

[adarlingmess]

Ugnayan

Summary:

Filipino word, noun: connection between persons, groups, countries, etc.

A collection of works detailing a manananggal clan’s relations with the Treses, and their allies.

II: Bad Habits

Summary: After disrupting one of House of Arko’s operations, one of the Kambal meets up with their informant.

Words: 4540

Characters: Basilio, Crispin, Sabina (OC), Alexandra Trese (mentioned only), Ammie (mentioned only), Reyna Manananggal (mentioned only), Dominic Villaceran (mentioned only), Mama Grande (mentioned only)

Relationships: Basilio/Original Female Character

Language: English, with a few Filipino words and phrases sprinkled in.

Rating: 16+

Warnings: Strong language, violence, mentions of abortion, references to human trafficking + sexual trafficking, sexual themes

Author’s Notes:

I am: back on my bullshit again

People were looking for a part 2 so have more Basilio x OC stuff. Spoiler warning for Verdugo: Takutan because this story heavily references its lore and events! The comics are known to be darker in tone, and so is this fic, so heed the warnings above. No Taglish version this time, Darling niyo pagod na 😩

This was supposed to be a simple job.

Get in, rough up House of Arko’s operation while Bossing is paying them a visit in their mansion, get out, and watch as Bossing confronts them about it at the next social gathering they’ll host.

But nothing was ever simple about the aswang, right?

Now there’s a huge one trying to eat Basilio alive.

“Damn it, Basilio. Your recklessness is a bad habit that’ll bite us in the ass later!” his older brother berates him.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever! Now might be the right time to call for backup kuya,” he strains, attempting to pull the  magubat’s jaw apart with his superhuman strength. His fingers slip from the drool and it almost bites his hands off.

Crispin’s busy with a horde of mailap, taking turns in taking pot shots from him in the shadows. “We should’ve taken a page from Carlos’ book and brought palm fronds. Who should we call?”

“What about Maliksi?” Basilio suggests.

“What’s one tikbalang to all these aswangs? We need something bigger, maybe a higante to take on that magubat!”

“Gago, a higante can’t get here as fast as a tikbalang!” Basilio snaps.

“Mas gago ka! What about that playmate of ours from when we were kids, y’know, the one that tipped Bossing off about this whole trafficking operation anyway? Think she can fly her way here?” Crispin growls, shooting down a mailap who was foolish enough to ambush the more cautious twin from above.

Ah, yes. Sabina.

Boyish, intimidating, hard to figure out- but still hot enough to flirt with, despite being aswang; that’s how Basilio would describe her. This Sab was a far cry from the Sabina Marie he once knew years ago, the one who used to wear an all-girl Catholic school uniform, shyly shared her snacks and books with him, and kissed him farewell when her mama told her she’ll not be coming with her to meetings with the lakan anymore.

A few days after they caught up with each other, she turned up at the Diabolical not too long ago with a flash drive for Alex’s eyes only. She didn’t even breathe a word to him, much less look at his direction, but Basilio could only surmise that it’s his fault.

“Sabina? Well, manananggals who follow the queen can shoot. It’s- ungh- worth the shot!” Basilio answers back, straining as he gets swatted to the side with one gigantic claw. “You make the call, my hands are full!”

“Give me your phone, I don’t have her Facespace.”

Basilio looks down from several feet, and gives his brother a sheepish smile. “Uhhh, okay, but she’s been seenzoning me.”

From behind his mask, Crispin frowns. “What did you do?”

“She might’ve seen me tagged in Ammie’s story when I was supposed to watch her gig. I got there when her set was ending, and she was pissed.”

Grumbling, Crispin takes his frustrations off on a mabangis charging towards him, a flurry of bullets raining upon its body. “What did Bossing say about getting personal with informants?”

“What? It’s Sab. She’s-”

“An aswang who might have an ulterior motive in helping us. Tangina Basilio, think with your head sometimes! The one between your shoulders!”

Distracted, Basilio failed to stop the jaws of the magubat from closing in on him. As quickly as his reflexes allow, he tosses his brother his phone.

“Just call already! Tell her it’s an emergency.”

The older Kambal flies up and extends his free hand to catch it. Crispin launches Basilio’s Facespace app and begins to search for their informant. He found her under the name Sab Evasco. Crispin pretended not to see the string of messages Basilio left for her, all left on read.

Her phone rings. One time. Two times. Three times. Crispin dials again. Twice. Thrice.

Someone picks up. He puts the call on the loudspeaker.

There’s someone strumming a guitar in the background, accompanied by a drumset’s cymbals. They come to a halt and Crispin hears a frustrated woman’s voice from the other end of the line.

“Ulol gago, fuck you Basilio, you can tell me if you’d rather go on Starbreaks coffee dates with a wind girl than watch me play.  I’m a grown woman, I can handle a simple ‘no’. I’m not in the mood for your games! Now fuck off, I don’t want to hear from you. I have a gig to practice for.”

Basilio cringes as he listens to Sabina’s tirade. Crispin guns a charging mabangis down, and his mask dematerializes for a brief moment, just enough for him to mouth to his brother “Gago ka talaga.”

“Sabina, it’s Crispin. We could use some backup here. We’re being swarmed by aswang.”

The sound of a guitar being unceremoniously dropped and the mad shuffle to catch it can be heard from Sabina’s line, followed by quick footsteps. Sabina talks again, calmer this time. “What? Couldn’t Basilio get his own ass on the phone and tell me himself?”

With an exasperated expression, Crispin turns on the camera, and points the phone at Basilio, who’s caught between the magubat’s jaws. “He said you were ignoring him, and he can’t get on the phone right now, as you can see.”

The Kambal heard her fumbling with more equipment, which sounded like a guitar case being zipped up and carried. A brief argument with her bandmates follows, then Sabina talks again.

“I’ll be there. Stay on the line.”

Now they wait.

As much as Crispin wanted to help his little brother, his hands were full with the wave after wave of aswang coming after them. They’re relentless. This is their food supply the Kambal are cutting off, after all.

“Any luck with Sab?” Basilio asks, attempting to shoot the roof of the mabangis’ mouth.

The bullets barely penetrate the thick membrane. He’ll need to transform the Armas Infinitum into a more powerful weapon to lobotomize the gigantic aswang, but seeing how he’s separated from his twin, it’s impossible at the moment.

“She said she’s on the way. She’s still on the phone. Here!”

Crispin throws the phone back to Basilio, who catches it with one hand, while his other arm continues to struggle with the magubat trying to swallow him whole. He tucks it in his breast pocket, and he jumps near the row of the magubat’s front teeth, prying it open with both arms.

Through the aswangs’ growls, Basilio could faintly hear a woman cursing and the jingling of keys from the other side of the line.

“Hey Sab! It’s Basilio. Sorry again about missing your gig.”

“Shut up and hang tight. If I didn’t care for you at all...” Sabina snaps. Basilio could barely make out the words Sabina was saying due to the wind and sound of traffic. “I’m on my way.”

“Ngh, can’t you come any sooner? I heard that aswang intestines are nasty.” Basilio pauses, realizing his mistake. “No offense.”

“I said zip it. Isn’t it enough that I went out of hiding and agreed to be Trese’s informant? Now I have to be your backup too?”

“Working with Bossing has its risks. We made that clear, princess.”

“Don’t call me that.”

There’s more turbulence and wind from Sabina’s line. If Basilio guessed, she’s now flying to the scene. The Kambal’s struggle with the aswang continued until they heard their informant’s voice through the speakers again.

“Big bad war demigods can’t handle a single fucking magubat?” Sabina deadpans, the turbulence and noise no longer accompanying her voice. “Open the fucker’s mouth wide. Make sure he’s facing east.”

“Kuya! She’s in the area, help me pry the jaws open!” the younger Kambal shouts to his older brother, who dodges a leaping mailap and quickly flies up to his aid.

“What’s the plan?” Crispin asks, and Basilio shrugs.

“I don’t know, she just asked me to do it!”

Before Crispin could question Basilio, a shot rings throughout the building, and the magubat collapses. The Kambal let go of the heavy jaws and flew away, watching the near-twenty foot aswang crush a few of its regular-sized kind. Upon closer inspection, a bullet has torn its way through the roof of its mouth. It’s a clean shot. The magubat isn’t regenerating, much to the Kambal’s surprise.

It’s a pleasant surprise, nonetheless.

“That’s for trying to eat my brother,” Crispin spits, kicking the dead aswang’s head.

Soon, more of the aswang started dropping like flies, too. Razed by bullets from an unknown assailant, the House of Arko aswangs started to panic.

“Wait a minute, I know manananggals who follow the queen can shoot, but Sabina is a sniper? Do you know about this, Bas?” Crispin exclaims, tearing his eyes away from the dead magubat to face yet another wave of mabangis.

“No! Damn, she’s using special bullets too. Where’d she get those?” Basilio mutters. A mailap attempts an ambush attack, and before he could react, Basilio watches it get shot mid-air as it attempts to jump him.

“You’re mine,” Sabina hisses, her voice crackling through Basilio’s phone speaker, smooth through the static.

Her emphasis on the word “mine” made goosebumps ripple through Basilio’s arm.

“Hot. Could you say that again?”

What he got instead was a groan. “Fuck, don’t distract me Basilio. I’m not here for fun.”

“You seem to be having fun shooting House of Arko’s minions though.”

“Fair. You two better look for the hostages. I have a bone to pick with this lot.”

The Kambal looks at each other, and nods. Glass shatters as they fly out the building’s windows, to the upper floors. After taking care of the guards, they saw them. Men and women in cages, all naked, and herded like livestock. 

“Please, help us,” one of them whimpers, crawling to the front of the cage and grabbing Crispin by the arm. She’s dirty, and her belly is swollen. Basilio turned on the lights and they saw it clear as day: most of these women are pregnant. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on.

House of Arko farms their food, breeding humans like livestock, and harvesting fetuses from them.

Sirens are blaring outside, both from police cars and ambulances, waiting for the hostages to be rescued.

All is well, or so they thought.

“Fuck!”

The cry came from their informant’s line.

“Everything alright?” Basilio asks her after fishing his phone out of his breast pocket.

“There are a few of them who found my vantage point. They’re heading towards my position.”

“Get out of there already, the hostages are secure.”

“They saw me. I can’t let them report back to Mama Grande and her sons that a manananggal is helping you. Suspicion would fall on my clan.”

Crispin nudges his younger brother. “I’ll handle the hostages and wait for Bossing. You make sure our informant’s alright.”

“Way ahead of you kuya,” Basilio replies, taking his guns out and flying out the window.

Under the pale moonlight and the city’s lights, Basilio spots a group of aswang scaling a dilapidated building east of him. On the rooftop, he sees it. Wings black as night, flattened against the concrete. Sabina lies prone and is aiming her scoped hunting rifle downwards, picking off the advancing horde one by one.

“Time to play.” The demigod rushes in and makes bullets rain on the hostiles.

He takes out a mabangis approaching their sniper from her blind spot. Those who didn’t die from being shot fell to their death, regeneration halted either by his or Sabina’s doing.

Basilio descends on the rooftop, and he walks his way towards the manananggal. His mask dematerialized, and the wind tousled his long hair. Just to be safe, he kept a pistol in one hand.

Across him, Sabina takes out her wireless earbuds and puts them away. Then, she slings her rifle on her shoulder, safety on. With her wings, she crawled towards his direction, like how a bat would move. Then, uses her wings’ sharp claws to plant herself on the concrete, a feat regular bats couldn’t do.

“Thanks for the help, Sab. About that gig…”

Before any more words could come out of his mouth, Sabina holds up her forefinger and presses it against his lips. “Shh. No more apologizing about the missed gig. Just make up for it. You owe me.”

Basilio nods, smiling at her. He watches as Sabina fishes out a box of cigarettes and a lighter from her vest. She’s wearing a black, long-sleeved polo shirt underneath it, and its sleeves are rolled up. Her shirt was unbuttoned just enough for him to catch a glimpse of lace peeking through. For all her boyish, edgy posturing, her choice of underclothes is girlier than what Basilio expected.

It almost makes him want to unwrap her like a Christmas present, but he’ll keep that thought to himself.

“Nice outfit. You were rehearsing in that?”

“We had a presentation for a class. No time to get changed. Now there’s a hole in the back, so I might as well wear this more often on future operations,” Sabina replies, placing a stick of Marlborough Reds between her lips.

“I’m in the mood for a smoke and maybe a chat,” she continues. “Join me?”

Basilio nods.

“How did you know about House of Arko’s human trafficking thing, anway?”

“Believe it or not, it was a hunch,” Sabina explains, black fingernails scratching the sparkwheel several times. “Ugh, fucking lighter dying on me again. I just had it refilled… must be the wind,” she growls.

Basilio couldn’t help but chuckle at her frustration. “A hunch?”

“Hmm… maybe hunch isn’t the right word. It’s an educated guess. Mama Grande loved serving boiled fetuses to her house guests, correct?”

Basilio nods, waiting for Sabina to continue her explanation.

“I suppose that it’s my place to judge if their mothers didn’t want to raise them… I’m a manananggal, for fuck’s sake. But there’s one red flag House of Arko failed to hide. From what I can tell, those fetuses are around five to eight months old.”

Sabina’s lighter finally lit up, and with a triumphant laugh, she lit her cigarette. Then, she carries on with her explanation.

“Most abortions happen during the first three months of pregnancy. It’s rare to see expecting parents get rid of them that late.”

“So? What does that have to do with the whole thing?”

“House of Arko serving older fetuses could mean one of two things: either all, and I mean all of the abortions they performed are from those who are truly in need of one that late, or they’re getting them from another source, possibly an illicit one. They don’t have the most benevolent reputation, so my intuition tells me it was the latter. So, I paid the place a visit and recorded what I could. I guess I should be thankful that your bossing found that blurry video trustworthy enough,” Sabina concluded, watching as the victims were clothed and herded into ambulances.

Dumbfounded, Basilio scratches his head. “Wow. Glad you’re on our side. How did you know that three month thing anyway?”

“Research and personal accounts.” Sabina’s response is clipped. Cold. Abrupt. It only raised more questions than answers.

“Personal accounts? You’ve met people who got them?”

There’s a flash of regret in Sabina’s eyes; regret that she opened her mouth and let him know more than needed. She cuts him off. “I can’t put my informants’ identities in jeopardy either now, can I?”

Per his older twin’s advice, Basilio’s finally using the head between his shoulders. “No offense, but you’re a manananggal. Y’know, known for eating babies? Hearing that from you is suspicious.”

“Yes, I am,” Sabina says through gritted teeth, glaring at him. “I can assure you, I’m following the accords and I’m not exploiting loopholes like what House of Arko is doing. I’ll reveal everything in due time.”

“Alright, keep your secrets. For now.”

A tense silence has befallen them.

“So- '' the manananggal blows a cloud of smoke away from Basilio, “-is this going to be a regular thing? Because if it is, I might finally quit smoking. Nicotine makes my hands shaky. Can’t risk accidentally shooting your ass.” She pauses, looking at him in jest. “ I’d rather do that intentionally.”

“You’re breaking my heart, Sabina Marie,” Basilio retorts, clutching his chest in mock pain.

They share a laugh over it, the mood lightening up.

Basilio looks in the distance, taking in the view of the cityscape. “Maybe you should quit. Singers shouldn’t be smoking in the first place.”

“The tar helps me belt out raspy screams, but yeah, you’re right,” Sabina chuckles.

“So, when is this next gig?”

“Next week. In Ilocos Norte. All the way up in House of Arko’s ancestral home.”

“Should I take that info to Bossing?”

“Yep. It’s open to the supernatural public anyway, so it's not like I’m giving you top secret info. Even the wind tribe is invited, despite their bad blood with my clan. Hopefully things won’t get physical. Most of my sisters are still bitter over how they blew us away when my mom- I mean, Inang Reyna decided to side against the Treses.”

So that explains some things.

“I dunno, maybe I should bring Ammie so I can watch the two of you in a catfight.”

Sabina elbows him in the chest, hard.

“Not funny at all, Basilio. I don’t even know her personally! It’s you I was pissed at.”

Now he grabs his chest in genuine pain as he croaks out an apology. “Sorry.”

“Whatever. Bring whoever the hell you want, just keep your distance from me when you decide to go. Even my father’s going to be there. I need to be on my best behavior.”

The demigod turns to their aswang informant, interest piqued. She’s divulging a lot of information. Perhaps he can sway her to spill more secrets.

“Didn’t know that the Reyna Manananggal had a king.”

“Oh, no. She’s not the type to share her power with a man.” Sabina pauses to take another hit of her cigarette. “I meant my biological father. Villaceran.”

Now that was unexpected.

“You drop bombshell after bombshell whenever we meet. Tomas Dominic Villaceran’s your old man?”

“Look at me. I’m almost the splitting image of the guy. If there’s one thing I’m grateful for, it’s inheriting his good looks.”

Basilio grins. “Can’t deny that. Most of the manananggal kuya Crispin and I encountered look...”

“Hideous, I know,” Sabina says outright. “You still haven’t seen that side of me, so don’t be too quick to judge my sisters.”

Basilio treads carefully, knowing that he might be prying on a sensitive subject. “So, about Villaceran…”

“I’d rather not talk about him. Our relationship is… strained.”

Giving her a sympathetic, understanding look, Basilio nods. “Right. Never mind.”

Another interval of silence passes between them. This time, it’s a little somber.

“So, does this party have a dress code?”

“Yeah. Filipiniana. Wear a barong. It’s one of those pretentious events that attempts to make House of Arko more appealing to the masses or whatever. Manipulative assholes.”

“You can just refuse to go, Sab.”

“I could, but being Trese’s mole among the aswang means I have to attend clan activities to supply more information. That also means attending every single party those Arko fucks throw.”

“You really hate House of Arko, huh?”

Looking towards his direction to meet his gaze, Sabina’s eyes are filled with a sea of emotions. Hatred, indignation, and something Basilio couldn’t quite place.

“Why wouldn’t I? Mama Grande raised boys who can’t take no for an answer. The Arko brothers have no respect for us manananggal. As if we weren’t fetishized enough in Manong Karma’s stupid aswang dating book...”

Sabina clears her throat and calms herself down. Bad blood between aswang clans could mean war. Basilio knows he should take that to the boss. His gears are turning tonight. He asks Sabina questions that could risk her support.

“Is that why you agreed to be an informant? You wanna bring House of Arko down? Then what, your clan will fill the space they’ll leave?”

“What? No, I have no desire for power, not like how Mama Grande or my own mother does anyway. My personal gripes with them aside, the House of Arko wants to ‘unite the aswang under one banner’ with no respect to the other clans’ autonomy and customs.”

“So you wanna protect your clan?”

“That’s one of the reasons, yes. Mama Grande’s been trying to play kumare with mom- I mean Inang Reyna-” This is the second time Sabina slipped and called her mom. She clears her throat and composes herself. “And I need to stop that. Inang Reyna already made the mistake of going against the Accords once. Allying with the House of Arko will ruin us further.”

Basilio leans in closer. “And what are your other reasons?”

Sabina looks at him for a few, quiet seconds, and looks away. “I’ll reveal them-”

“In due time. Yeah, yeah, I can take that as an answer. So, making you sing in that event is a result of them being magkumare?”

A defeated laugh bubbles from Sabina’s chest. “You got it.”

“I’m surprised they didn’t invite sirena to sing.”

Sabina rolls her eyes and tosses the butt of her expended cigarette on the concrete. Basilio took it upon himself to crush the embers under his heel, seeing how her lower half is hidden someplace else.

“Oh please, this is House of Arko we’re talking about, Bas. They believe aswang are superior. Letting them shine would take away the spotlight from the aswang. Mama Grande asked for me from Inang Reyna so they can gloat that even aswang can make better singers than the famed sirena. Ugh, I doubt my singing style even matches the performance they want from me.”

“Oh yeah? What kind of performance are they going for?” he asks her.

“Now that’s another secret. You have to show up to find out,” she hums in response.

Turning away from him, Sabina checks how many sticks are left in the box. Two. She takes one and lights it up.

“Screw it, I’m going cold turkey. I guess this will be my final box. Maybe for tonight. Maybe forever.”

“Then maybe you should stop with the stick you’re smoking and throw the last one away,” Basilio suggests.

“Are you mad? That’s a waste of money!”

“Still counting your blessings even with your mama’s wealth huh?”

“Old habits die hard.”

Sabina blows smoke away from Basilio’s direction. The wind made it waft to his face anyway, and she mumbles a quick apology. He shrugs it off. Not like the adverse effects of secondhand smoke affected him anyway. Hank smoked and was polite enough to turn away too, but Basilio can still smell it. He didn’t mind it. Still, Hank had told him and Crispin that it was a tough habit to break, so he never touched a cigarette.

Not until now.

Basilio takes the box from Sabina and picks up the last stick with his lips. Then, he inches closer to her.

Ironically, in an attempt to help an old friend quit her smoking habit, Basilio engages in it himself.

Little did he know, a new bad habit was forming between him and the little lady before him.

“I’ll make sure it won’t go to waste then. Light me.”

Sabina raises an eyebrow. “Just don’t start at all. Give it back.”

“One smoke isn’t going to get me hooked, princess.”

Brows knitted together, Sabina chastises him. “Take it from me, bad habits start with just one little taste, Bas.”

“One little taste never hurts anyone...”

“One little taste could leave you wanting for more.”

Basilio can feel himself getting hot under the collar. He’d never thought an aswang of all creatures could make him feel all bothered, yet there he was, getting turned on by her choice of words.

“Princess, are we still talking about cigarettes, or something else?”

Hearing his question, Sabina exhales sharply through her nose, cheeks dusted pink. “Maybe both. Whatever. Come here.”

Black fingernails scratched at the sparkwheel. Sparks were flying, but there was no flame. The cigarette remained unlit.

“Well, it looks like fate isn’t letting you smoke, so better just give me the damn cigarette back, Basilio.”

With a sly look, Basilio closes in on her, and presses the end of his cigarette to the embers at the end of hers, linking them together.

To his surprise, Sabina is neither backing away nor babbling defensively like she usually does whenever he gets close. Instead, she presses her chest to his, a challenging look in her half-lidded eyes. She wasn’t wearing her glasses like usual, giving Basilio an unobstructed view of her heated gaze. Was it bloodlust or desire? Either way, it got his blood pumping.

“You’re chattier than usual tonight,” Basilio comments. “Bolder too. I like that.”

In the form she’s in now, Sabina’s eyes glowed an eerie white, and aside from the wings sprouting from her back, little horns sprouted from her scalp, the root concealed by her crown of short, wavy hair. Basilio didn’t pay mind to her dangling guts, instead, his eyes were transfixed on that cute little lace bra again.

Through the layers of cloth between them, he can feel her heart beating. Basilio faintly remembers the taste of human and sigbin hearts.

Now, what does aswang heart taste like?

A dark part of his psyche- perhaps from being Datu Talagbusao’s son- wanted to tear it out of her chest and eat it to find out.

Basilio felt the urge to taste all the battles she fought through her blood, and possess her heart in a way no other person can.

The memory of seeing his father tasting his mother’s blood inserts itself in the present, and the fear of turning into the monster he was is enough for him to shake that thought away.

Basilio tries to focus on something else.

His eyes wander to Sabina’s mouth. He might’ve imagined something else between her dark lips, in place of the cigarette. Something bigger.

Something of his.

Sabina’s been pliable tonight. Perhaps he’ll push his luck with her one last time.

“So, any plans tonight, dear princess?”

“Unless you intend to treat me like one, don’t call me that.”

“I’m done with work, so if you want me to make good on that and make up for my mistake…”

Giggling, Sabina flies a few feet away from him. The black wings on her back are translucent against the pale moonlight. They almost looked like a dark shade of red.

“Go tell your brother about the information I gave you for now, then meet up with me afterwards. I hid my lower half in an alleyway behind that motel,” she tells him, pointing to the building’s direction.

“If you’re lucky, you’ll get to rearrange my guts. Literally and figuratively.” Sabina continues, a naughty smirk blooming on her lips.

Taken aback by the pun, Basilio laughs. “I didn’t think you were capable of dirty jokes.”

“You should know by now that I’m full of secrets and surprises.”

Grinning darkly, Basilio finishes the rest of his cigarette as he watches her fly away.

“And I’ll uncover them all, dear princess.”

Translations:

ulol - crazy; Filipino profanity

gago/gaga - foolish or stupid; Filipino profanity

tangina - contraction of putang ina, lit. whore mother. Used as an expression to express irritation, anger, or astonishment

Inang Reyna - lit. Queen Mother.

mare/kumare - derived from the Spanish word madre/comadre; kumare a reciprocal appellation for the godmother or for the child's mother. In a more modern and colloquial context, it’s used to refer to a female friend. Magkumare means women who are friends with each other.

Filipiniana - Philippine related book and non-book material

barong - also known as Barong Tagalog. An embroidered long-sleeved formal shirt for men and a national dress of the Philippines.

[cloudybarnes]

His Mission

Pairing: bucky barnes/winter soldier x avenger!reader

Summary: a mission to invade a not-so-abandoned hydra base backfires when one of the men is able to trigger bucky into the winter soldier 

Word Count: 2.6k+

Warnings: cursing, probably not good fighting scenes but I tried, something that could be considered angst but not really

Masterlist

✰  ✰  ✰

“Okay guys, this should be a simple mission.” Steve announced. You and Bucky were the only two sat at the meeting table. Steve was standing at the head of the table giving the two of you instructions on you next mission. 

“We don’t expect anyone to be in that base still. Our systems haven’t detected any motion there for a few years now.” Steve continued, lightly pacing in front of the two of you. “Bucky, are you sure you want to go in here? I can get Nat or Sam to go in place of you if it’s too much.”

Bucky shook his head and grabbed your hand. “Nah, I’m good, Steve. (Y/N)’s going to be by my side.” He sighed, “Plus, I can’t live the rest of my life scared of hydra. I want to fight back for what they’ve done to me. I’ve come a long enough way that I think I’ll be fine.”

You nodded, and rubbed up and down his flesh arm in support. “We’ll be fine, Cap. We can get in quietly and gather all the intel we can get to find these assholes.”

Steve and Bucky chuckled.

Bucky kissed the top of your head, “Alright you little firecracker, let’s get suited up.” 

You gave a quick goodbye to Steve before you and Bucky went your separate ways to get ready.

✰  ✰  ✰

When you and Bucky reached the base, you knew it wouldn’t be as easy to get in as it seemed. Everything looked rotten. The roof was lightly caved in, the windows were boarded up, and there was mold all around the the building.

You scrunched your nose in disgust, “If there were people spending their time in this nasty-ass building, it would be hydra.”

Bucky snorted, “Quiet down, doll; we’re trying to be stealthy.”

You nodded and lightly brushed your fingers over the knife in your knife holster. You double checked around the area and signaled Bucky forward. He crept alongside as you snuck closer to the building.

The entrance was blocked with large piles of fallen ceiling in the way. You pressed your fingers to your earpiece to whisper to Steve. “Hey, Cap, you know of any other entrances or should I go hulk-mode on this pile of shit?”

Steve chuckled, “We don’t have any knowledge on another entrance, looks like you’ve gotta go hulk-mode.”

You rolled your eyes and murmured, “Damn, if only I could actually turn into an alter ego like Bruce does, huh? That would be something.” 

You cracked your neck and shook out your wrists. Bucky watched you with an amused smirk. You held your fists up, ready to start punching out the blockage when you spotted something. 

One of the larger pieces seemed to be holding everything in place, so you just reached down and yanked it out of it’s position. With the support gone, the rest of the pile quickly fell until the entrance was no longer blocked.

“Thank god that worked,” you breathed, “I’m not sure how willing I was to bust my knuckles up just yet.” You joked, making sure you kept Bucky in a good mood and out of his head. 

Bucky laughed, “You’re such a dork.”

“Your dork, though.” You looked through the hole of an entrance. The inside was extremely dark. The light from outside helped brighten the beginning of the hallway, but past that you could see nothing. 

You pulled out your flashlight and started walking into the building. You kept a hand hovering over your knife in case for whatever reason you needed to use it on someone. 

Once you trekked deeper into the building, your eyes adjusted to the darkness better so you could see Bucky without having to shine a light on him. 

He placed his finger to his earpiece. “Steve, where do we go? We just walked all the way down the first hallway and there is a door to the left and one to the right.”

“Got it. You want to go left. You’ll go in that room and leave through the door directly in front of you. That takes you to another long hallway. Follow that until you start to see some more doors. Towards the end on the right, one will say computer labs. Go in there. As long as at least one works, you should be able to hack in and transfer the data to your flash drive.”

You nodded your head, having heard Steve coming through your earpiece as well. Bucky led the way with you slightly behind him. Suddenly, the building started to light up. One by one, large ceiling lights started to come on until it reached you and Bucky. You could see the room clearly now. The room was circular and completely empty with just doors covering the walls. 

“What the fuck?” You whispered in disbelief. 

“Steve, I thought you said this was abandoned?” Bucky asked over the coms. 

“It-it’s supposed to be! Is there a problem?” Steve called back, sounding quite concerned.

Bucky shook his head, “No, just some lights. We’re fine.” He turned to you and noticed your concerned face. He gave your hand a light squeeze. “I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re okay. Let’s keep going.”

“Alright, then.” You sent him a soft smile and squeezed his hand back. 

Just after a few steps, the doors started opening and a group of hydra men flocked in. “Steve, we’ve got some company.” You informed.

You counted five men. Three in front of you, two behind you. As they charged, bucky took the three in the front and you took the two behind. Your fist collided with the taller man’s jaw. As he stumbled, you kicked you heavy boot into the other guys gut, making him groan. 

The taller man pulled out a knife and swung at you, making you reel back so he wouldn’t slice you. You blocked as the other guy tried to get a stab on you as well. Recalling what Nat had taught you, you quickly gripped onto the shorter man’s wrist, hoisting yourself up onto his shoulders. 

You twisted around so your legs wrapped under his armpits, and you were able to propel yourself backwards to flip him onto the ground. You stood and quickly ducked when a punch closed in. Already low to the ground, you swept your leg under the taller man’s feet, pulling him off balance and onto the floor. 

He hit his head on the ground, and laid there not moving. The guy you previously had on the floor slowly rose and tried charging you. You rammed your shoulder into his chest and pressed him up against the wall, hard. He hit his head, which stunned him for a second. You punched his face repeatedly until he no longer could fight back, and fell to the ground.

You panted, exhausted and sore. Bucky was breathing heavily over three bodies of his own. You rubbed at your sore shoulder and stepped closer to him. “You okay, baby?”

His breathing started slowing down to normal as he rasped out, ‘Yeah, yeah I’m alright, doll. Told you I wanted to take them down, didn’t I?”

You reached out to place your hand on his cheek. Bucky sighed and turned to kiss the inside of your palm. 

A static noise broke you and Bucky from your little moment. You looked around the room until you spotted something that looked to be a loudspeaker near the ceiling. 

You pointed to it. “I think this is where the noise is coming from. There might be someone else here.”

Over the loud speaker, the static turned into mumbling of a language you didn’t understand. You looked over to Bucky, about to ask him what it was, when you noticed his face.

He started to pale and frantically shake his head. “No, no, no, no, no. (Y/N), baby, listen to me. Listen very carefully.” He quickly gripped your shoulders. “You need to leave, right now.”

Your eyes widened in realization. “Oh shit. Oh shit! Bucky we have to get you out of here!” You grabbed onto his hand and tried to yank him along with you, but he didn’t budge. 

“(Y/N), no. You have to go, there’s no time left.” He started breathing heavy again. His eyes begged for you to listen and leave. Your eyes watered as you pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. You held back a sob as you ran away from him, trying to leave through the door you came in from. 

To your misfortune, the door wouldn’t budge, and Bucky was starting to get more restless. He looked terrified. “(Y/N)! You need to leave right now!” He growled out.

“The door is locked, I can’t get out!” You walked back to him, watching as he walks backwards further away from you. “Bucky, stop! We can get you through this. I’m stuck here, so I can help you!”

He frantically shook his head, tears welling his eyes. “No, you won’t be able to! They ca-” Bucky suddenly stopped talking. He stood completely still and upright. There was no longer any expression on his face; he was completely blank. 

That’s when you noticed there was no more chanting over the intercom. The only thing you heard was breathing, until Bucky’s voice cut through the silence. “Ready to comply.”

You frantically shook your head as tears blurred your vision. You ran to Bucky and put your hands on his cheeks. You tried looking into his eyes but they wouldn’t meet yours. You tried speaking to him but he wouldn’t listen. 

At least, not until, “Your mission, soldat. That woman in front of you.” Bucky’s eyes finally met yours. You quickly pulled your hands off of his face and backed up, pleading with him. “Her name is (Y/N) (Y/L/N). I want you to kill her.”

“Bucky, no. You don’t have to listen to him. Please don’t listen to him.”

He ignored your cries and stalked towards you. He drew out his knife, spinning it around his fingers. You started backing up as far as you could, but it was an enclosed room. There were walls circling you in no matter where you went.

“Bucky, it’s me (Y/N). You don’t want to hurt me Buck, you know this.” You tried to get through to him, but it was no use. Bucky charged at you, and you had no choice but to fight back; no matter how much it pained you. 

When he was close enough to you, you ducked down just before he hit you and pressed your shoulder into his stomach. You wrapped your arms around his waist and stood up, flipping him behind you. 

Bucky landed on his feet and didn’t even falter. He swung punches at you and tried to cut you with his knife, but each time you blocked it.

As you kept dodging his hits, you tried talking to him once more. “Bucky, please baby, work with me.” You panted, “Aren’t you even curious how I seem to know your every move before you make it?”

Just to prove your point, you duck around his metal fist, the one you knew he was going to try to hit you in the face with, and kick the back of his knee. He lightly faltered before getting right back into it.

“You know me, Buck! I know you like the back of my hand just like you know me.”

He grunted, trying even harder to attack you. You slid in between his legs and stood back up behind him. You quickly kicked him in the butt, sending him stumbling a few paces forward. 

“We’ve been together for two years now, Bucky. I know how you’re insecure of your metal arm because of how you got it. I know you’re ashamed of all the things you did even though none of it is your fault.”

You punch Bucky in the stomach before he can lay a hand on you. “I know your fighting style. I’ve told you so many times you leave your chest and stomach open for attacks yet you never listened to me.”

“Shut up,” Bucky muttered as he tried again to swing at you. You just kept dodging his hits. 

“No way. Not until I get you back, Bucky. It’s you and me, remember? I can’t lose you; not like this, and not anytime soon. I’m here for you, Bucky, whether you like it or not.”

Bucky stopped fighting you. He stopped moving in general. He just stared at you, a little lost and breathing heavily. You cautiously stepped closer to him, hopeful he was starting to remember you. 

Just as you got close to him, he growled and wrapped his metal hand around your throat, pinning you to the ground. You choked out a gasp, thrashing around to get out of his grip.

He pulled out his knife and raised it, ready to stab you. This was it. Your Bucky was still in there and you weren’t able to save him. Now you’re going to die at his hands.

You let out a sob, “Please, Bucky. Please don’t hurt me, baby. I know you’re in there, please.”

You continued crying as he tightened his grip on your throat and lowered the knife to you. “Bucky, please!” You sobbed, squeezing you eyes shut.

Just before the knife touched your chest, it stopped. You peeked your teary eyes open to see Bucky’s hand shaking. His mouth was open in fear, and his eyes glazed over as he violently shook his head. 

His shaky hands dropped the knife and he immediately let go of the tight hold he had on your throat.

You sputtered out a string of coughs, trying to regain your breath. As you regained yours, Bucky was losing his. He started to hyperventilate and sob. 

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.” He cried. Bucky’s whole body shook. His fingers trembled, his shoulders shook with each sob, and his chest rose violently at each desperate intake of air.

You sat up and tried to scoot closer to him. His head snapped up to yours and rapidly shook. “No, no, please stay back.”

You shook your head calmly, and shushed him. “It’s okay, darling. I’m okay. Let me help you, Bucky, please.” You reach your hand out to grab his, but he yanks his away.

“No, I-I just tried to kill you, (Y/N)! You shouldn’t be near me right now.”

“Bucky, no. That wasn’t you. You weren’t in control, and I get that. I’m not afraid; I know you would never hurt me.”

“I just had a knife two inches from your heart, (Y/N)! I almost just murdered the love of my life! What do you mean I would never hurt you?” He sobbed. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this. You deserve better than someone like me, (Y/N).”

“Bucky, stop. Please, baby, just let me hold you.” You crawled closer to his shaking body and placed a hand on his cheek. You turned his face to look at you. 

When he looked into your eyes, he broke down even further. His cries were deafening, his body shook like an earthquake. You pulled him into your chest and wrapped your arms around his neck. You placed you head on top of his and ran your fingers through his hair, trying to calm him down.

“Bucky, I could never, ever imagine myself with anyone but you. I don’t care how many obstacles get thrown in our way. I will never love anyone the way I love you. We will figure out a way to break you from their spell, baby, I promise.”

He sniffled and squeezed you even tighter. “I’m so sorry,” he meekly cried. “I never wanted to hurt you. I should have never come. I should have let Nat or Sam take my spot.”

You rubbed his back as he cried. “The past is the past, darling; what’s done is done. All we can do now is look towards the future and work to helping you out of their hold, okay?”

You gently pulled back to look at his face. His eyes were red from crying, and his face was blotchy. You lightly smiled at him when he nodded his head. 

You stood up and pulled him with you. “Come on, my love, let’s get you home.” 

[oh-for-fic-sake]

The Stand In Chapter Seven

Masterlist Summary: Your finally home! comfortable and confident in the familiar surrounding's at least you are until Henry helps scout the woods for shooting location's and manages to get you alone and you both find out that admitting feelings is tough, but misunderstandings are much worse. Warnings: Implied Smut?, Innuendos?,  Angst, Fluff, Swearing A/N: so here we go chapter Seven!! I'm super happy with how this has ended up but its very long...very long like 1300+ words so get ready!!  This is mostly fluff and angst!!  And a special Thanks to @ayme301​ for helping my with the idead of Joey!!! I hope you all enjoy it xx Taglist: @dark-night-sky-99 @thummbelina @sofiebstar @jellicorn05 @m3anwhil3misha @thefangirlsblog @al-wiisa @healojane @goodpeoplegotohellanyway @heybitchhhh @britty443 @ayamenimthiriel @crazyandanonymous4u @rebel4fandom @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo @angelofthorr @harrysthiccthighss @loserrlauraa @tumblnewby @singeramg @cheeseman​ @lundelorient @isitmine @tinabean37

"You ready?" You asked grabbing your phone checking the battery quickly. Eighty percent good enough. Freya smiled nodding it was time to get going! "Yeah lets go...This is a cool car its very you..Does it have aux? Bluetooth? Can I connect to it?" You chuckled nodding to her sitting in your baby. "Yeah go ahead! she has a killer sound system if I do say so myself~...Use the aux its better on your battery life its in the glove box" she clapped her hands excited as you moved tucking your phone in to the door pocket. She squeeled when she saw found the aux cable and gushed over how neat and cute your car was, you smirked, you thought your baby was cute to. "Oh my god! It's so so small but comfy! like its not cramped in here at all!" you shook your head. As she moved her seat back and streatched out. She was right looks were deceiving you had a black Peugeot 207cc, not to fancy but it was a convertible and all yours. You both fiddled about getting seat belts on and Freya popped her bag on the small bucket seat in the back letting her stretch out her feet in the foot well completely unhindered. You brought the car to life, a deeper growl than she should have thanks to your little customization's. Freya looked around it getting to grips with the stereo you moved your hand down to the roof controls pulling back and she flew, jumped about a foot nearly hitting the roof as it peeled away then began laughing loud. "Holy shit it's a convertible?!" You smiled nodding smugly to her as she leaned back already connecting her phone to the stereo. "I've so hit the jack pot today!" She called as suddenly her music came through the quality speakers you'd had put in.

You swore lightly as you crawled along the motorway in first gear. This was a shit day you should of known Mathew was a bad omen. Here you were nine nearly ten hours into what should have been a seven hour drive. Roof down in the blistering thirty four degree heat!!. The air con was on cooling your feet but that was little constellation to the burning on the back of your neck. "So here is the down side to a convertible no protection in the fucking heat!" You said trying to laugh off the brutal situation at least it was automatic and you wasn't shifting gear every few mineut's or so. Honestly your feet weren't even on the pedals the car did all the work crawling down the tarmac. Things had been great until an hour ago you'd been cruising,  blasting tunes,taking selfies with Freya even a video for her instagram story which over the course of filming you'd been involved with. Joey had also convinced you to make your own which was cool. But during this drive things had been just laid back and fun! Especially as you weaved in and out of the Witcher entourage singing along to the likes of queen, little mix and Rhianna as you went, having a proper girls road trip. Freya received a text from Joey who was in a car behind you at some point begging you to change the song when Freya decided to blare toss a coin once she spotted him waving in the window. Even Henry who was in the bus you were overtaking had popped his head up and called a few words out the window laughing as you passed him head bopping like pigeons to Joeys strumming. Naturally once you'd got those reactions the song was put on repeat and turned up. You'd even slowed down to be along side Henry's bus and trap Joey's car behind you for a few verse's or so the second time round before shooting off and pulling in infront of the bus. Then a lunch pit stop which included you and Freya following Joey singing toss a coin loud and off key to irritate him. But he laughed along with you, he found it quite flattering that you both knew all the words because you both had it on your phone..I mean what Witcher fan doesn't? After lunch the other trucks had caught up with you and you all set of again for the next few grueling hours of the drive. It was only one more hour of plain sailing until bang. Fucking traffic an accident by the looks of it, you were all trying to check the news but it had only just happened and nothing was being released about it. but by the amount of police and ambulances it was very bad. "Fuck me we will get there quicker reversing!" You groaned slumping Freya giggled finding the whole situation a laugh a mineut she moved opening a bag of crisps holding them out to you letting you take a few. "No no its fine besides I get to wear this fashionable hat~" she posing for anothet selfie in the large floppy sun hat that you kept in the car for this type of situation the hat covered the back of your neck. She scanned her phone and sat up from her slouched position seeing the traffic news. "Oh fuck they just put inline about the accident...We're on the M40 right?" You nodded to her and frowned what ever was online didn't seem good for her to frown like that "Says here tail backs are for a few hours...Accident was two lorries caused a ten car pile up at junction eight... looks nasty five fatalities." You squinted junction eight?! That was fucking miles away from where you were sitting. You moved to reply but was interupted by her phone going off. "Hold on its Lauren...Hi...You saw it to?...Hold on I'll ask her" she moved turning to you. "Are we close to the accident? Lauren said you'd know better than anyone" you shook our head at her letting the car crawl faster as someone pulled oof into the lay by getting out to have a piss. "Not really... About twenty minutes in normal traffic. I know a short cut the smaller cars and vans can take to avoid it busses can't tho just tell them to follow me" Freya recited that to Lauren who seemed to consult Tee the put the phone on loud speaker. "Really? You can get us there quicker around the traffic?" You heard the hope in Laurens tone as she asked you. "Yeah you just gotta trust me I know this area....Might cut through country roads near home okay? tell them to follow me off the motorway after the next junction A404 then down to the M4 the bigger trucks and busses will have to go on to A329 then to the M3 they should come off at towards blackwater and hawley...think its the A327or skmehing its an okay work around but the rest can fit in the smaller roads with me" you heard Tee speak up moving to the phone getting louder. "You thinking of going around ascot? The old back roads around the ferns and the old showground?" You smiled as she guessed correctly and nodded you could hear the smile in her voice. "Yeah then we can be in the woods from the back near the chocolatebox house just past the sand pitt" you explained knowing you and Tee were the only two who had a clue what you were talking about. In all honesty you wasn't that far from the woods it was just the motorway though a pain and longer in miles was usually faster. "But don't we need to be on the other side? We were setting up set on your side of Brian's woods...Better access" She questioned you huffed smiling she forgot it would all be cornered off for you. "Yeah but snake lane is gonna be clear with us booking the whole wood so can use that to cut through there" you grinned hearing a decisive hmpf and a chuckle fro Lauren before Tee spoke up again. "Alright smart ass" she said grumbling "I take that as a compliment~" You and Freya eyed one another giggling both knowing Tee was gonna pout. "Okay well it sounds like you have a plan could you text me the directions so we and text them to the others." Freya nodded and confirmed saying she'd text them over "Its better actually we still need to walk the woods and find exact locations...We panicked and had to book anywhere we could after the covid shenanigans.. But we trust you girls you seem to know where your going~" you quickly thanked Lauren and she hung up giving Freya the time to text over the directions so everyone could be informed of the new plans.

Thanks to your short cut you and a few others managed to be home within 45 mineuts as apposed to the trucks and busses that were still another hour and twenty mineuts away others had also figured out the new work around. Much to your surprise Henry and Kal were also here managing to wrangle themselves into one of the small people carriers with Joey to practice lines. Currently you were walking through the woods near camp with Tomasz and Lauren looking for locations to shoot. You didn't really need to accompany them but after sitting in traffic for so long you all needed to stretch your legs. Freya had stayed behind with kal and Tee finding themselves a spot on a blanket under a huge tree just relaxing enjoying the soft breeze. It was the calm before the storm, the few days of relaxing and slowly throwing your base camp together before jumping right back into the hectic filming schedule. You walked along the trails completely at ease eyes roaming the familiar woods you were home. Not that you live in the woods but..You lived across from them literally you parents house was just over the field, across from the main entrance and base that was currently being set up on the small worn dirt car park enough to just squeeze everything in to. Although this wood was close to Hawley wood it wasn't apart of it. This was a private working woodland with hacking paths and logging areas. You looked down scanning the area out of habit, you did it automatically drilled into you from exploring and playing in these woods. You saw it, your trained eyes locking on the slim body and quickly without hesitating yanked Joey towards you causing him to yelp as you pulled him off his footing. The others stopped looking at you as Joey began creating a fuss. You pointed down to wear he nearly placed his foot. Joey had nearly stood on a fucking snake an adder to be more precise. "There's a fucking snake Joey?!" Suddenly there were 'manly' screams as Joey bolted around you away from the snake coiled on the floor by his foot. He was hysterical freaking out with frantic twitches with every brush of twigs and grass. "Joey its okay see he hasn't moved..He isn't bothered he wont bite you...He would have had you stepped on him" You noticed everyone suddenly paying close attention Henry came closer looking in awe fascinated. He went to pick up a stick making to poke it but you stopped him. "No Henry! Fuck no! That’s an adder..." he looked at as if to say and?...Oh yeah most people don’t know. You sighed motioning to it. "Venemous Henry...Their Venemous you do not want to be bit by it...Fucking nasty Levi got bit once painful business" you moved ushering everyone on before the snake got to aggravated you knew how fast they can move you were all in striking distance. As you moved across the trail everyone now seemed to watch the ground carefully as you walked through the sparse area before reaching camp. "But seriously a fucking snake!? I didn't think we had them over here!?" Joey said clutching at your arm eyeing the floor still twitchy you linked arms with the panicked man who looking around warily eyeing the sticks treading carefully. "Yes we do, a couple actually some grass snakes, smooth snakes worst are the Adders...Its rare to see them in all honesty Adders especially they are the only venomous snake in this country not life threatening though" You almost laughed as the others stuck close to you each making sure you were still eyeing the track.

"How'd you spot it anyway?" You shrugged at him as you continued this particular path was a large c and you were close to the carpark by now. "I grew up here you learn to keep your eyes peeled...A little advice though they coil up in sun spots, so the clearer the canopy the more likely they are there, flat surfaces to he was just sunning himself...Just watch your feet and you'll be fine...They leave around October to, gets to cold" you tried easing the frightened man he nodded and relaxed his hold before trying to laugh it all off with some typical Joey-esque bravado and Jaskier worthy scoffing. "What else should I worry about Tinks? foxes? Wasps!" You shook your head laughing at him cutely patting his arm breaking away making him quickly clutch at you again. "Haha no foxes are skittish round here...But we do have a few vespa hornets...And badgers...Badgers are worse... Don't go poking around any borrows" you smiled smugly and slipped from Joey's hold properly he whined looking around still jumpy from the snake incident. "Fucking wait a minute what do i worry about more the hornets or badgers?" You hummed and weighed up the time. The vespa hornets are scary as fuck buzzing around you and they are few and far between you just brought them up to make him squirm...What can you say today you were just in that type of mood, besides your and Joeys whole friendship was annoying one another with banter. But you loved each other when it came down to it. You tapped your chin making the man wait with baited breath. Aw bless he looked so uncomfortable. "Badgers, I was pissing about with the hornets they haven't been spotted for a few years" you said finally putting Joey out of his misery. "Really...Badgers aren't they like tiny...The size of a house cat?" You smiled turning to face him shaking your head. "Wait a minuet you've never seen a badger? Like ever?" You asked completely struck with the fact he might never have seen an animal that to you is common, there is a burrow near your shed for christ sake!. "Nope...Never but really they can't be that bad" he said you gaped at him.Well I'll be damned. Never seen one, you were gonna fix that! "Joey hun they are bigger than a cat like neary a meter long and chubby big claws" he gulped looking around even more wary making you burst out laughing. "Joey, they are knocturnal you wont see a badger...Or a fox the most you'll see is squirrels, rabbits maybe some snakes or slow worms-which look like baby bronze snakes but are harmless nothing to deadly I assure you" he seemed to calm down at that.

Once back at set you watched Lauren and Tomasz frustrated talking with each other trying to pick out spots for filming, they were under strain trying to find the perfect locations. But they seemed underwhelmed with the area ,You heard the word ritual and magic. You could see they were getting frustrated. Trying to think you snapped your fingers the gate! "You wanted a magical type place for filming?" You asked incredulous they nodded to you hoping you could pull another win out of the bag today "Wish you'd just said! I thought you were looking for some trail for Geralt to walk or something!...Follow me! I know a spot it's one of those things if you don't know about it you wont find it" You marched off slipping off the trail leaving no room for thought. Henry was the first to shrug following followed by Lauren and Tomasz. Joey had stayed behind this time wandering over to Freya Tee and Kal not willing to risk another snake encounter. Henry eyed your back as you walked on through the scrub leading once again Knowing exactly where you were off to for the second time today. He followed behind the two directors calling out to you as you lead them seemingly deeper into the woods. "Tinks are you sure we should leave the trail!?" You waved Henry off making him heave a sigh.

"Trust me! I know my way around these part this is home turf!" Was what you called out over you shoulder as you marched on wards, you continued leading them deeper into the woods away from the main trails ten minuets later you stopped looking down a steep bank, the ground broke of suddenly into a six foot drop a small clear trickling stream as the base you smiled...It was still standing. "Here this is it!! I used to play here as a kid I almost forgot it was here! It was only when you said magic I remembered" You quickly launched yourself down the bank that had seemed much higher as a kid. It looked much older now the over hanging roots now thick and looping out and in the dirt towards the old structure below. It was a stone moon gate on a flat pebbled bank that peeked out of the tiny stream that bended around it making the structure have a small five to six inch deep moat. A few larger trees had fallen but it actually did a favour opening up the canopy of trees letting larger streams of light frame the scene. Tomasz and Lauren smiled quickly speaking amongst themselves about how they could make this work as 'Geralt’s camp' and the small ritual Yennefer was going to do.

You walked over to the lightly Aged stone smiling remembering all the times you played here as a kid. You were glad it was still standing. "You know I broke my wrist trying to climb this as a kid... Didn't even notice to much thought I sprained it...Mum went mental when I got home and she realized Id been playing on it for hours despite it being black and blue the size of a grapefruit...knocked me out of competition for a while to...I was always down here best place to find tadpoles!" You muttered as Henry crept up behind you smiling you turned eyeing him cautiously and quickly flicked your gaze to the stone again and pointed to one at the top. "That’s the bugger I slipped on! Everything seemed much taller then" he followed your gaze and sighed, it must have been something being raised around here. "Well I doubt there’s much difference now~" he smiled poking playfully at your height as he stood tall. Henry moved to the side eyeing the large stone circle. You whined at him giving a sweet pout before huffing stepping towards the small stream. Henry did a slow walk of the little make shift island in the stream taking in the tall aged trees, the canopy of leaves was high so the equipment would get in here fine without causing much damage...And the bank gives a good overview of the area. He turned one slow sweeping motion eyes landing on you who had tucked down letting your hands dip into the shallow water you sunk them to your wrists letting the cool water wash over them you sighed happily. It was good to be back home. To Henry you were a vision, the light hitting the water lighting up your face as you closed your eyes and smiled taking a deep breath just enjoying the moment. You were sexy and stunning, cute all in one you just seemed so? "Perfect" you looked back up to him shyly his soft eyes were glowing in the fractured light reflecting off the water. You swallowed unable to stop your staring the man was sunning his face was relaxed a small lopsided smile across the perfect jaw he licked his bottom lip and smiled wider, he was always happy to capture your attention. "I think its perfect here to!...The gate isn't that old though...Only like twenty odd years...Which does us a favor Brian had it put in when his daughter was at university studying photography and cinematography... She used it for her final project-" Henry shook his head with a chuckle You'd missed his point. He crouched down beside you angling himself to face you holding eye contact then slowly moved caressing your face lightly tucking the short lilac strands behind you ear in a sweet gesture. You gasped unable to hold eye contact for long looking down to you hands in the water trying not to squeak at him being so close. Yet so far? It was bittersweet. The object of your fantasies. Man of your dreams was right here. In touching distance constantly flirting and making almost romantic gestures. Yet he was still out of your reach. Out of your league. Your face dropped and you faltered.

There you go again. Something crossed your eyes making you pull back. Nerves? doubt? Unease? Henry couldn't tell but he really wished he could stop it. Wished you'd stop getting yourself down. Its like when you acted but instead of a mask it almost felt like a wall. You slammed up a guard between you and he wanted nothing more then to tear it down. To comfort and reassure you, but it was hard to try and reassure you when he didn't know what was wrong. 'Maybe now's the time?....Yes! That’s it right come on superman pull some courage out of your ass...Tinks go out with me....No no that's not-your not giving her a choice she'd say no just to be stubborn...Right...Tinks I'd be honored if you'd accompany me on a date....What the fuck? Honored,accompanied? What is this a fucking marriage proposal?...Well not yet-WHAT THE FUCK HENRY? YOUR NOT EVEN DATING HER YET!! Right okay okay new plane ,new plan ask her out or?...Or just tell her you like her bingo ask her out and if you fail tell her you like her!..I mean fuck sake. AcOmPaNy Me On A dAtE. It wasn't a question either...Come on henners...WHY THE FUCK IS THIS SO DIFFICULT!? its never been this difficult...So that means she's the one right?-So I cant afford to screw up!...No pressure then...Right just say Tink's would you like to go out with me?...Yes that’s it straight to the point....Would you go out with me? Would you go out with me? Right okay...Okay deep breath here we go' After Henry hyped himself up plans A and B all ready to go. Oh god. He moved his hands into the water it was a tactical move. His palms were sweaty. He took a deep breath watching his own hand dip into the cold stream sighing contentedly 'yes right now just ask....Ask her out...Move your lips say Tinks would you go out with me?...That's all you need to say! FUCK SAKE SAY IT! ASK HER?...Hold her hand first' He moved his hand through the water before stopping and wrapping his hand around yours, then brought the other to hold it to. Enveloping your hand with his own making your breath hitch you went to ask what he was doing but froze getting trapped in his eyes.

He was staring intently almost like when you first met him but there was something deeper like he wanted to get something out. It looked almost painful was he worried?

"H-henry? Are you okay? Do-don't you like this place? Do you think it wont work?" You asked panicking it was clear you were already trying to think of other places and little groves the wood has.

"No! No it's I....This place is perfect but...It's just that...That’s not quite what I meant~ I wasn't talking about ah... I was talking about...Well" you froze cheeks tinting pink as you cottoned on as he continued staring at you...That he had he been talking about you... He smirked feeling more confident watching as you became all shy realization crossing your face. You quickly looked down to the crystal clear water suddenly finding the colored stones that made up the stream bad interesting. You occupied yourself by curling your fingers in his hand gripping him as he squeezed it lightly reassuringly. It was more for him to reaffirm his resolve. You were here alone now. Time to do this go Henry go!

"You-your so beautiful do you know that?" You smiled and chuckled at him waving your free hand to him⁸ nervously voice getting caught in your throat. 'Oh my god? Is this really happening!? Shit girl he is looking right at you,lovingly? IS THIS CLASSED AS ROMANTIC!? OH MY GOD IT FUCKING FEELS LIKE IT....Fuck fuck okay don’t scream...Don't scream or panic...Not to be one to toot my own horn but he is lost in your gaze like one of those fucking mills and boom romances...Was he meaning to look at you like that? All sweet and endearing...But no! Stop it!...It will never happen your just letting the others get to you...But then why is he saying this? If he didn't mean it? He doesn't seem the type to say things for no reason...But oh fuck wouldn't that be something?...This gorgeous sweet man thinking you were beautiful....But no, you can't afford to fall for it no matter how tempting' you swallowed looking away from him trying to distance yourself. This was a fantasy! He will never be yours. He was... Entertaining himself is all. You took a breath looking at him trying to slowly pry your hand from his but he wouldn't allow it, he was frowning at you lightly. "H-henry you don't..Don't have to...Mathew isn't here you don't have to say stuff like that...Don’t have to protect me from him" you muttered the words quietly unsure if you really wanted to hear his reply. A part of you liked to pretend that he was interested, that he could like you and he wasn't just doing all this out of some strange misplaced feeling of responsibility. You held your breath waiting for him to confirm that that was all it was. He felt responsible for you. He shook his head releasing a deep breath before speaking and even serious tone. "Tinks would you...Fuck okay no...Right. Tink's. Would you like to..." Henry turned his head squeezing his eyes shut and cursed angrily. You frowned at him he looked annoyed and upset. You knew it! You fucking knew it! It was just him taking responsibility for you! He was just being kind...To kind to even let you down easy. Your chest clenched horribly tight and your wind wipe constricted pulling in the most awful of ways. You felt so stupid for ever building your hopes . Of course he didn't really like you....This was Henry Cavill the incredibly handsome actor who'd never have looked twice at you if you hadn't been working along side him. You felt crushed and looked away as tears gathering in your eyes. You were so pathetic a silly little virgin with big ambitions. Maybe Mathew was a safer bet. You tried to slip away from him but he wouldn't let you instead of releasing your hand he moved circling your wrist in a firm grip.

Henry swore under his breath.What the fuck just happened? One moment he had stammered out half of his admission, began to literally ask you out. Then the next you were all but falling to pieces in front of him trying to run off. How? Why?...No he'd fucked up along the way and he couldn't figure out how he'd shot himself in the foot this time. He held your wrist in on hand the other firmly interning  hi fingers with your despite you trying to wriggle away. "Whoa there-hey Tink's?....Whats the matter love?..Y/n could you look at me...Please love?" He asked softly tip toeing forward trying to inch closer but not fall ass first into the water, he settled knocking knees with you. Slowly you sniffled and put on a smile it was clear to see it was a forced one it didn't reach you eyes. He winced seeing the beautiful emeralds clouded by tears. His guts churned he had done that. He didn't like it. "Hey there gorgeous~ what's gotten you so upset?...Look love I was trying to say...That I-I know that I don't have to but I want to...I love complimenting you. You deserve to be told how incredibly beautiful you are" you frowned at him what? But that doesn't make any sense? You tilted your face slightly turning to him trying to conceal your unshed tears not wanting him to think your pathetic. It was a pointless endeavor he was looking right at you holding eye contact he could see them alright there was no denying that. But strangely it was his cheeks that were pink for once and with a lopsided uneasy smile on his face he looked like a little boy trying to dig himself out of a very big hole. He continued stuttering slightly stumbling over his words trying to find the right ones. "I...A-and I was trying to find the words..pfft still am...I-It's just that I'm finding this....Hard? harder then usual for some reason...I just really really wanted to tell you that I...I was serious the other day Tinks, about a possible relationship" His brow was twitching worriedly a he spoke and he still seemed completely out of his depth but he carried on clearing his throat. "I...Y/n I meant every word. I? I'm not just doing these things to protect you from that little prick...hehe That's just a bonus.. I just wish you knew what you did to me...I-Fuck me come on Henry!...I really like you Tinks..Like like" he finished with a small chuckle and sagged his shoulders in relief so glad to have that off his chest he didn't even notice you freezing holding your breath even.

You just gaped at him in that moment everything stopped. 'What? but how? Why? That was why he...It wasn't because he didn't like you? He was nervous and couldn't find the words because he did?...OOOHHH SHIIITT HE WAS FUCKING WHAT?? HE WAS-NO NO no calm...That’s it breath and think...he liked you, he liked you!. He was serious....babe he was MOTHER FUCKING SERIOUS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? WHERE AM I? WHO AM I?... He meant it, he meant it this is just...wow Henry has meant all these things holy fuck...Oh my god, now that really does change things.GET IN THERE GIRL YOU CLAIM YOUR HONEY BUN!! Hehe more like Claim your sexy bun's...No...No not yet fuck play it cool shit your freaking out and he can see it! Stop it...ouch why do my lungs hurt? Oh I'm holding my breath yep that'd do it now breath...Any time now one big gulp of air should do it....Oh for the love of god! Breath it's not that hard! Just-just calm down and fucking breath!!...Oh fuck he is serious you weren't going crazy!!...Henry Cavill...Want's you? Like holy shit mind blown...Now how do we go about it? How do you start The dating process? Shit this would be so much easier of he didn't still take your breath away!' Henry cleared his throat nodding to himself a reassuring smile on his face and stood taking you with him you were having a meltdown that was clear so there wasn't much you could do. You were to lost in your own thoughts to fight him as he stood with you pulling you closer. He seemed pleased to have gotten that off his chest. He moved holding your hand by your fingers curling them until your hand was held firmly in a princess hold your hand trembled ever so slightly, palm growing sweaty...You hope he didn't notice as he pulled your now cool hand to his face placing another sweet kiss to the back of it snapping you out of your little tizzy finally he pulled away with a wink and grin now seeing you were back from where ever you'd gone to. "I love it when you zone out and glow like that, face all cute and red it normally means I'm doing something right~" you stuttered at him as he spoke in a low easing tone. How he can go from nervous and stuttering to cheeky and confident in seconds always caught you off guard. The man was blessed in so many ways...To many if you were honest.

It was after that a silence fell over you both as you stole glances each other. You shivered meeting his increasingly nervous gaze. Shit this was getting awkward real quick. You shuffled around each other daring the other to ask. Willing for one another to ask the all important question. Do you want have dinner with me?. That's all a simple question. The air felt fragile, neither of you wanted to speak nervous and quivering. Your eyes roamed him questioning. Should you? Was he waiting for you to ask? Or was it to early?  Was he just letting you know?

Henry bit his lip. He was freaking out he had hoped his last comment had lightened the mood and it had, but you were still frozen blushing unsure where to put your face he began panicking. 'Shit. It was to much to soon. Was it? Were you not interested? Did he fuck this up...Fuck sake Henry you just had to be an eager beaver and now you've cocked up royally...Quick change the subject or-or ask...Ask her out dammit don't let this chance pass you by!!' He grunted and took a small step towards you grasping your hand again running his thumb over the back of it. But in the end it was fruitless just as you peeked up at him Lauren had called down to you both. You twisted your head nodding and moved walking over to the bank, but you didn't let got of Henry's hand, instead you interlocked your fingers squeezing trying to get across just how you felt in the tiny gesture. If you didn't have the courage to say anything you could at least try to show it? Lauren and Tomasz began speaking as you and Henry sauntered back to them looking up. Tomaz smiled knowingly at the interlocked hands but chose to say nothing. Instead he rose an eyebrow as you both had pink tinted cheeks. Henry was grinning like a Cheshire cat you were holding his hand! You held onto him and you wasn't letting go! So it meant you were interested, you were just to shy to ask him out. But what did he expect? He'd just sprung it on you- did he really think a shy inexperienced gorgeous young woman who was a self confessed fan was going to ask him out? What a dick!? Well at least he realized his mistake even if it was to late...There was always tomorrow. "Its time to head back it's six already!" Lauren said she was right the sun would be setting soon ,not that it was a problem but after today you all just wanted to sleep. Henry moved pulling you towards the bank releasing you holding out his arms out ready to catch you as you began climbing up the bank. Once you were up and away from the edge he moved hoisting himself up.

The trip back to the base camp was fairly quiet. Henry had fallen instep beside you capturing your hand in his again making you smile as he rubbed his thumb absentmindedly over it. You grinned and swooned inside 'HOLY SHIT TODAY HAS BEEN ONE HELL OF A DAY....And oh my fuck He is holding your hand!...Like fuck me! This is insane Henry cavill-superman, Geralt Is holding your mother fucking hand after confessing he likes you in the woods.....And its not a scene THIS WAS REAL FUCKING LIFE AAAAHHHH!!...He is just- Fucking hell! This is just to surreal! And his hand is so big and warm and strong...His fingers are so fucking thick and ugh! God I wonder what they'd feel like if he was to-NO! NO THE SNEK INCIDENT WAS ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY YOU RANDY LITTLE PRAT.... Y/N DON'T YOU FUCKING GO THERE!...But gurl two finger would be the sizze of your mini rabbit...Now there was a though~...Like you had no qualms of him getting a little freaky...Or a lot you'd fucking die on the spot! UGH SHIT YOU FUCKING WENT THERE!!' You tilted your head looking at him again he gave a shy smile as he followed the others in the direction of camp. You and Henry both walked side by side fidgiting both unable to say anything. There was many things to be said but you were both to nervous...And for the first time you both sort of clicked thatthe other was nervous Henry couldn't stand it much longer so spoke up clearing his throat. "H-ahem...How'd you know about the snakes and moon gate?" you smiled quickly jumping to answer his question thankfull he had broke the silence. "Well I grew up here...Once at the set if you look across the road theres the cottage just over the field, with the blue windows? Thats my parents house." You explained  Henry nodded he had seen it when they pulled into the carpark earlier he smiled brightly. And twisted his body useing his interlocked fingers to usher you before him through the slim pating in the younger thick trees. You smiled blushing as his hand skimmed your ass face flaming. 'Did he do that on purpose? Was he trying to feel your ass and mor importantly...Did he like it? Was it to small? To big?OH MY GOD DID IT WRIGGLE AS YOU WALKED!!??' It used to be a pert little ass with all your training and shit but since you'd stopped competing it had gotten a little chubby... Youwwre pulled from your thoughts "The chocolatebox house?" He asked moving his other hand pushing some of the lower branches out of the way as to walked up the hill to the trail that you'd been on earlier. "That’s the one! Born and raised in that house" you explained eyeing him casually he rose his eyebrows looking a little shocked then let out a chuckle under his  breath. "Wow I knew you said we were going to your home but is didn't think we'd be that close, so I suppose we will be meeting your parents then? I can imagine your mummwantingnto come and visit...shes missed you"  henry moved slower not wanting this to end he wanted to drag this out because as soon as you reached the trailers youd both part ways. "Uhuh...Probably at some point she's gonna sneak over. Not today though I texted Mum that we were here late because of traffic so she said to pop by tomorrow to see her, she can't wait for a proper catch up..But dad is on a fishing trip so wont be back for a few days still he has been itching to get out on the lakes again he had to give it up over lockdown he really found it hard" henry nodded he could understand that the lockdown had been tough on everyone. "I bet he is making up for lost time...I didnt understand why they stopped fishing? I mean arnet ou normally alone and far apart do you dont tangle lines or so,thing you looked down with a grim look. "He is trying to, poor sod hasnt cuahgt anyhing in this heat" you explained with a giggle it was just his luck that when he finally got out for a few days the fish wouldn't bite, you could only imagine how irritated the man must be. "But as I was saying these are pretty much my woods in all but name...my brothers and I grew up playing in it I can navigate it with my eyes closed!" You gloated twisting swinging your intwined hands lightly he tipped his head back looking to the trees "Oh really you'll have join me and Kal on a walk sometime? Give us a tour?" You faltered then smiled shyly nodding that sounded fun. "Alright then it'd be nice...There are some hour long walks I wouldn't let Kal off though at this time of year, not with the snakes around I'd hate to see him bit" you offered out casually as you both crept up on the set lights seemingly moving slower but once you were both out of the woods you smiled shyly. Before both releasing hands slowly like a couple of  crushing school children and went your own ways. You were both clear with one another...Weren't you? 'Oh fuck! I didn't reply!? Fuck fuck what if he thought you wasn't interested? That he took your silence as refusal!! OH MY GOD NO NO NO PLEASE GOD NO!' You turned suddenly to him taking a step towards him as he walked away, swallowing curseing yourself for being so shy. Once again you'd held yourself back from what you truley wanted.No! No more, you'd over come this shit for him. He was worth the risk, worth the fear. "Henry! Wait a moment can I just?" He stopped frowning and stood still you jogged the last few steps to him body shaking like a leaf as you aproached him, he stood frim shoulder trembling with his own nerves. You finally made stood befor him gulping watching him with panicked wide eyes. Was he expecting the worse? "I er...Its probably obvious but...I sort of...Kind of...Well fuck it...Ireallylikeyouto" you muttered out your admission and with a rush of forced adrenaline you quickly surged forward darted up onto your tip toes one hand placed on his bicep the other on his chest keeping your balance and just li,ethat your lips connected with his jaw leaving a quick chaste kiss his light scruff...You were aiming for his cheek but the man was huge and your short ass only managed to place a kiss to the side of his mouth. You stood back twisting your hands back into your own top nervously, already regretting kissing the man for many reaons. One of which being now you'd had his skin below your lips you knew no one and nothing will ever compare and second...He was just standing there shocked wide eyed and a flush crept up his face before splitting into a painfully wide grin his eyes despite shocked were twinkling with an almost childish glee. You placed your hands on your own burning cheeks and quickly spun on your heels and all but ran in the opposite direction not stopping to see his face. It wasn't until you'd shut yourself in the trailer you peeked out of the porthole window on the door he had moved, was walking to his own trailer with a spring in his step...He was almost skipping.

You sat down on the floor on the trailer feet down the entrance steps holding a hand to your chest feeling therabbit li,e heart beat leesa thumping morea hum from how frantic it was pumping...It'd be justyour luck the haveaheat attack now you gulped and began laughing smoothing your hands through your hair. 'Holyfuck...I just...I just kissed him!I JUST FUCKING KISSED HIM ALMOST ON THE MOUTH!! AND AND SHIT!...Fuck thatwas just so- his scuff was amazing and and hedidnt thrlwme off him?! He let me he was happy and and...OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE DIDNT EVEN FLINCH... AND AND I KISSED HIM!' you flopped back to lay on the cool lamented floor arms stretched wide laughing and squeeling kicking your legs on the steps you couldn't contain your fangirl! You were blown away. 'I kissed him...And he accepted it...He smiled and was fucking skipping! And he scruff on my nose and cheek UGH~ FUCK YES BEARD BURN? PLEASE DADDY!' You rolled from side to side squealing still far to excited to even think of getting up and moving. It wasn't long before yourveiw ofthe ceiling wasblurred by tiny tears. You sniffled still laughing whilst wiping away atthe tears that trickled free from your eyes, tears of relief and joy. A life time's worth of silly worries releasing when the reality settled in. You were enough for someone? Pretty enough to be liked? Good enough for someone and of all the people he liked you...Henry Cavill liked you back!...Just having someone admit that they liked you would have meant the world to you, let alone someone you looked upto and were crushing on. It was silly but you always felt there was something wrong with you to get this far in life without having a boyfreind or a lover. Fuck all your freinds were married with kids and you were just left on the shelf so to speak. You knew it was mostly due to your brothers but after they left for the armed servicees a girl couldnt help wonder why no one looked her way?...Start to question yourself, your worth. And for the first time thats what you felt worthy and dareyou say desired.

Later on Joey was in Henry's trailer watching the man pacing back and forth in a mess once again. It was deja vu. But this time Freya was here to witness the mental breakdown...Was it a break down sure the man looked worried but also ecstatic! It was a weird combination tosee. Henry was trying to explain bless him but he was cutting himself off with tonnes of mumbled what if's and maybe's. Basically the man was over thinking. "Soo...You want to tell us whats got you so frazzled or what??" He asked but Henry stopped facing the two sat at the table shook his head making one more legnth of the bus and finally stopped paceing and sliced his hands through the air. "I err ...Well...She kissed me...." Headmittd slapping his hips as he lowered his hands to his sides. Joey through his head back scoffing shaking hksheadin disbelief. "Bollocks" Henry sighed ans stopped before the smaller man arms out at his sides palms up shrugging trying to get across he was being deadly serious. "No no seriously Joey...Listen she fucking kissed me!" Henry explained ruffling his own hair as iffinding it hard to be.ive himself... "Fuck off you want me to belive our tiny shy little Tinkerbell just waltzed right up to you and snogged you?" Joey through out in to the trailer letting the words linger. Henry nodded to him then looked to Freya who had been quiet. "There must be more to it then that?" She added wanting to here the whole story behind this one. "When we were in the woods things were great! Then bad then catastrophically bad; Which I'm still confused by how that happened? But the then I clawed it back, climbed out of a hole in put myself in somehow? Still not sure how and once we got back here she kissed me! Likei waswalking back to my trailer and she just called me running uptomesaid he liked me and beforeIcould doanything she kissed me..." freya and Joeylookedateach other quietly beforesquealing and bouncing on the spot clapping each others hands a s they did so. "OH MY GOD! Henry thats great! Was it on the lips? Did you smooh back?....Oh no...No no no what's with that face? For god sake tell me you put some sugar on her and snogged her back!?" Henry sighedrubbing the backof his neck as Freyas excitement drained from her words. She slammed her hands on the tableas joey head butted it grkaning shaking his head. "Henry please pleeeaaasssee tel, me you didnt throwher off!?" He added whining pitifully tAnd rose to face the now twitching darkhaired man. Henry sucked threw his teeth and took the joy with it. "Okay right, she was fast and I wasn't expecting it and I just froze!" They both deflated groaning smoothing their hair out of their faces. "No! No no no Henry nooo you don't- you didn't do that?! Henry please tell me you didn't?!" Joey brust out throwing his hands up in theair as freya shook her head just as exasperated as Joey. Henry held up his hands as if calming a wild beast. "Hang on! Hang on I started the whole thing! Okay just bear with me okay its a long story...I tried to ask her out...It seemed perfect okay? We were there by the little stream...Just me and her okay? Lauren and Tomasz were on the six foot ledge eyeing the setting...and wewereat the moon gate shewas letting the water cool her hands and i just...It seemed perfect" Freya nodded to him it did sound perfect and romantic, she tried not to swoon.

"I...er choked , I couldnt ask her out it...My nerves got the best of me...And she got upset, she looked like she was going to cry...I didnt understand and i just- i quickly calmed her down and admitted my feelings...she didnt say anything back though...I thoughs i'd ballsed it up but then she held my hand and wouldnt let go as we came back.." they both listened carfully to henrys as he explained it took a few moments for them to really take in al, he'd said but once it clicked they looked to each other and grinned Joey spoke fisrt. "Soo? You took our dear little Tink's out into the woods with and admitted you loved her? And then walked back hand in hand?" "And then when you got back she kissed you, but you like a prat didnt kiss her back?....But seriously was it on the lips?" Freya asked leaning her face on her palm eyeing Henry with a sly grin trying to get the details to relay to Tee and Anya no doubt. "No..No it wasnt I think she was aiming for my lips but she's short...and missed but It counts! And i was there grinning like an idiot when she pulled back but what do you expect! Shes fucking gorgeous and she kissed me! I almost had a heart attack when she did it-OH MY GOD IN A GOOD WAY IN A GOOD WAY!!" Henry explained makingnthe both of them laugh. "Okay and what happened in the bad bit in the middle?" Joey pried wanting to kmow the ins and outs. "I just...I fucked up okay I fucking bottled it! I complimented her and she...She sort of freaked out...W-well not freaked o she was all like you dont need to say that Mathew's not here and then I was like I know but I really like you but I waited to long to say it...Couldnt get the right words and I think she was expecting the worst" Freya leaned forward and shook her head. Henry sat down with a huff petting Kal who'd come over to comfort him. "When I choked...I panicked and Instead of asking her out I just said I was serious the otherday" he explained to them Joey held a hand up. "Wait wait wait. What other day? what did you say the other day?" He asked confused. Ah yes, Henry hadn't mentioned what happened the otherday. Shit. "I asked about her and Mathew and sort of pointed out he liked her...Well long story short she tried laughing off the idea of me and her ever making a go of it and I sort of..Well I said why not? And she was...She was shocked when I said that I could see us getting together-that I thought we'd be a perfect couple"Henry said stuttering he yeyed Freya and Joey cautiously as they bpth gapped and him Joey dropped his hand slapping the table. "How the fuck did you miss that out!?" Joey exclaimed Freya nodded wonder just when Henry had managed to keep that quite?. The man was so excited about anythingnthat included Tink's he gushed like a schoolgirl. "Well yeah...I err it crossed my mind...It's just...She seemed open to the idea! But then today I-she seemed upset when i couldnt get my act together...do you think I fucked up not Kissing her back? Like she did see that I was happy! So everythings fine right? " Joey eyed Freya asking her to take this one she was the girl, Joey could only guess so much afterall he was a man. Freya hummed she  could see Henry was really out of it this time he was so flustered. Freya looked on as he ran a hand through his hair he was at a loss. "Well, from where I'm sitting you made it clear you liked her and she held your hand and had a wonderful walk through the forest...Which is pretty romantic~ and she kissed you admitting she liked you back so I'd call that a win Henry, so what if you didn't get an official date but a walk in the woods counts!" She said cheering him up Henry noodded slowly a bright smile creeping across his face. Freya smiled to Joey and winked. Oh yes she was good at this, her and Joey were the fucking dream team!! "I hadn't thought of it like that..It was romantic overall and we both spoke more on the way back and he nabbed another walk in the woods which could be classed as a date? If you squinted." Joey slapped henry on the back smileing like a maniac. "Thats the spirit! You go get her tiger~" he said all three chuckled for a few breaths henry bit his lip looking down then quickly turned to Freya as she began speaking. "Yeah and for the record Henry...Tink's and I were speaking in the car today and she well just...Shes worried of reading the signals wrong...The woman is in love with you we can all see it! She's just shy and doesnt know how to go about it...I'm sure she wanted to ask you out but just couldnt!" "Exatly just like Freya says you are both as bad as each other~but she must really really like you if sheovercome her own shyness to kiss you...Just try to kiss her back next time...Or even instigate it yourself girls like a man who take charge just walk up to her look her in the eyes and give her a big old smooch! "Oh in front of Mathew!" Freya spoke upand Joey hi fived her agreeing gasping to Henry who was laughing out loud already. "YES! Snog her infront of Mathew!...Or like make out! Go the whole hog" joey added making henry roar up slapping his knee imagineig Mathews face when he first kissed Tink's in frontnof him...With any luck he wont have to wait long.

After an almost full night of fangirling the next morning after breakfast you found yourself outside in the shade sat on a soft blankets. You'd all sprawled out under the large tree on the edge of the woods trying to escape the heat, it was nine in the morning and the temperature was already twenty eight degrees. You huffed waiting untill ten to coss over to see your mum. Anya ,Freya and Joey all laid around on the blankets relaxing on your phones or in your case reading the new scripts you were handed this morning.The silence was broken by a high whine and Joey flopped back and huffed. "Its so fucking muggy! I feel gross already!" He cried out you all nodded grumbling but then after a few moments you spoke up. "Its not to bad today" you added eyeing Joey who scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Well its alright for some! you can go home and have a proper shower!" Anya nodded groaning along with Freya muttering somthing along the lines of a decent shower with proper water pressure. You could relate washing hair in these fucking trailer showers were a pain you thought yourself lucky to have short hair, fuck rinsing the long locks the girls had. "Look I'm just gonna pop to mums now...If you want to borrow the shower I don't think she'll mind Joey" you offered up, Joey rolled over to his front eyeing you cautiously as you unlocked your phone checking the time nine thirty five, she wouldn't mind if you went over early would she? You didnt think so...Not if you brought Joey, she loves Jaskier! "Really? She'd let me do that?" He asked grabbing the attention of everyone. You shrugged to him standing brushing yourself off. "Well yeah can't think of a reason she wouldn't,between me and you when she watched the first season she had a little soft spot for you so I'm sure if you asked nicely she would do anything for you she thinks your super sweet and adorable...She may demand a hug though" Joey got up locking his phone. "Really what about me?" You jumped and did a ridiculous side step as Henry crept up behind you out of nowhere. You flushed a bright red and giggled nervously...He smiled waitin for his answer and you swallowed quickly scrabbling for words..Preferably english and somehing that makes sense. "I-i  Err well she erm..She feels the same as the rest of the witcher fandom does" whew! 'Good girl you pulled thag out of your ass...Were things gonna be akward between you?.. it didnt feel akward... did it? Maybe no-No it wanst you were just skittish is all!' Henry shifted on his feet crossingnhis arms overnhis chest raisingnhis brow. Damn his beautiful biceps drawingnyou in like a moth to a flame. Your mouth became dry despite wantjngnto drool over him. He was dressed in his costume going fpr an small shoot nothing much just some horse whispeing scenes. "Oh?~ And whats that then?" You could have cursed him, didnt he know how hot he looked? How was you supposed to fucking concentrate when he was out here like a fucking witcher sized lickable snack...Damn you were thirsty more so now that you'd gotten away with kissing him last night. The temptation was just to great.'Be cool be cool be fucking cool!!! Nothing has changed, he is still the amazingly handsome fuckable snack he has always been....and He is your friendly neighborhood crush?? WHO FUCKING LIKES YOU BACK OH MY GOD?!?! HE ISN'T AVOIDING YOU!! YES YES YES GO GIRL WOOO YOU DIDNT FUCK UP!! THINGS WERE OKAY...Right now tone it down and answer the man- calmly like normal be cooool don't think about the kiss...The kiss that you stole...That was definetly the hottest kiss of your life and he didn't even do anything, god his skin was so hot and rugged and NO!...Right right cool as a cucumber-NOPE no long cylindrical objects today thank you very much!!...Well...Maybe later...Never say never~' Henry's lip twitched he could see you were stuck in your own thoughts probably godsmacked he was acting so casually, if only you knew he was loosing his shit inside quivering with the fear of things being awkward....But they didnt seem to be ad for that he was thankful. "Well she thinks th-that Geralt...Needs a good slap for how you treated muggin's here..." you said finally managing a fw breaths to in what you hoped helped you manage an even tone nodding to Joey. He looked away biting the inside of his lip growling softly clenching his fists. "..Fuck." he growled looking mildly concerned, you wiped your sweaty palms on your shorts taking his distraction as a moment to calm yourself and even your breathing you quickly spoke to Joey. "Joey go get your stuff quick and we can go visit mum" he nodded and left in the direction of his trailer. You eye'd henry and he seemed worried? Like he it was important to him that your mum liked him. You placed a hand on his tense bicep squeezing quickly. He looked to you golden eyes lighting up and he place his palm over yours in an attempte to keep it there. You flushed when he stepped forward casually letting your bodies lightly graze one another. You looked to Freya and Anya who were no help watching from the sidelines giggling between themselves, the words cute and adorable being thrown around. "I-if it's any constilation...She loved you as Superman...And man from uncle, she didn't want to watch it with me at first because she didn't like the tv series but in the end she was over the moon and got it on dvd that day incase Netflix ever deleted it...So I'm sure if you wanted a shower she'd let you" He quickly perked up standing taller squeezing your fingers lightly and sighing relaxing the worry on his face melted away. "So she does like me?! Oh good god thats a relief!" you didn't really understand why he'd got upset...It was almost as if he wanted to have impressed her. He looked over your head seein Joey return a small wash bag, towel and a bundle of folded clothes to change into. Henry patted your hand and released you letting you take a step back. "Well I will let you go, tell your mother I'm sorry I couldn't meet her today but I look forward to it soon..I best get back before they send a search party" you smiled cheekily, the look caught him off guard but he tilted his head ready to listen to what ever little comment you were about to make. "Yes Geralt You mustn't keep your little pony waitng~" you stated giggling as he rolled his eyes sighing as everyone laughed. He pointed at you as he walked back wards. "I'm warning you~ one of these days girl~" you thighs clentched and you almost whined. 'Fuck why was that so sexy?...Oh god why is he still teasing you? Is it worse today? It felt worse already!...I wonder if he'd call me that again if I asked...Like Henry that made me wet say it again!...Dont think about girl in the bedroom...dont ou-ah fuck he would definitely call you Iittle girl...and fuck me if he does I'm gonna fucking drench through like omg daddy pu-lease~"  you swear sometimes his whole misson in life is to fucking ruin your undewear and make you squee! You squinted at him as he smirked oh her thought he was getting away with it? Not today! "Oh I'm so scared Big boy, what you gonna do ask your little pony to run me over?" The others oooed as you stepped up for the first time playfully snapping back as the man. Henry faltered tiltjn his head slowly  in what could only be seen as 'Oh?...what was this? Tink's is trying to play?' He grinned devilishy and spoke loud and clear hands on his hips. Your body ceased and you rubbed tyour thighs together subtly as Henry stood tall and  began making more of an anouncement then a bit of banter. "Boy?! why you little?-Just you wait Tinks one day I'll show how much of a big boy I truly am, then you'll be singing a different tune I guarantee it~" he called out you gapped at him shrinking and flushing your tummy clentched and body shuddered as his shouted words carried across the open space of the car park. So much so that even the passing crew had looked over and had a chuckle 'Oh fuck me!? He had to go there HE JUST HAD TO DO IT!! He fucking went there sexy kissable lickable mother fucker...And thats a record-knickers destroyed before brunch...He is getting more efficient WHAT A DICK!.....yes what a dick indded~ How do I even respond to that?...There is no response to I'm gonna fuck you up with my MASSIVE DONG and mad you Sing...It not much of a threat either~FUCK NO DONT THINK ABOUT IT-BUT FUCK YES YOUD LOVE THE CHANCE, RIDE OR DIE BABY! WOO!' You flushed and growled trying to contain your embarrassment but there was no where you could put you face you just had to let this one go you bit your lip and turned away from him as he winked and turned back around...He knew he had won.

Henry 1 Tinks 0 Once Henry was out of sight the others stopped laughing and Anya spoke up first thankfully letting the whole Henry threatening to fuck you silly blow over. unlike Joey who was nudging and winking at you as if you say 'Get in there girl! You go get yourself some lovin~' you slapped at Joey's stomach and pointed at him making him wriggle his brows as Anya spoke. "So what about me? Think I could wrangle a shower?" You opened your mouth to speak but Freya quicklly pitched in. "Yeah me too!" You smiled at Freya and Anya and nodded to them both who grinned wide thankfull that they could finally have a real shower. "Of course you can we have two so one of you might have to wait but I'm sure she'll feed you in the mean time...Go get your stuff..." you all jumped when Joey through his head back with a victory cry! "Feed me? I'm getting a shower and food!? Oh my god your mother sounds like a saint!" He said sounding genuinely excited to get to your house.

It was no longer then ten mineuts before you had all crossed the field and entered the back garden passing the well manicured garden and veggie patch to the kitchen door. You didn't bother to knock instead walked right into the medium sized cottage kitchen. You ushered the other three in through the door and called out for your mum. "Mum!? I'm home!" You heard some mpvement and claws scratchingnon the floor the excited yippjng of Nemi your jums dachsund you crouched and opened your ar,s catching her as she flung herself at you wriggling and crying "Hey there Nemi baby~ oh my love? Look at you you little chunky pudding? how ae you sweety? Such a good girl~" you cuddled her and then placed her back down "Go! go find mummy got get her baby~" true to form she raced off into the house barking he head off. You smoled to the others seeing they had been cooingmover the small dog. Then your mum came through the door and swallowed you up in a hug. "Oh gosh y/n sweety!! Come here let me look at you?!" You flushed as she held you at arms lenght before reaching forward again squishing you tightly to herself. You winced at how tight she held you and tried wrigglin free. "Mum whoa okay...wow I missed you to hey come here let me introduce you...This is Joey, Anya and Freya, Sadly Henry had to go over a few shots and couldnt make it, he feels bad and said he cant wait to meet you" you mum quickly gave them each a hug..Joeys lasting a little longer then the girls, she was biased and couldn't help it. She pulled back and crossed to the kettle ready to make some tea. "Henry?" She called over her shoulder you sighed, you'd tried bot to gush ablut him to much...but she should knlw who he is by now..Especially since youd been crushing on him since forever! "Oh fuck Geralt he plays Geralt mum...The white haired one" she smiled wide nodding finally placing the character. "Oh now I gotcha well im sure I will see him soon. Anyway Its nice to meet all of you~ y/n has told me all about you!" She said you could see she was excited about having these famous people in her house and you couldnt blame her, you were to when you first met them all. It was sweet seeing her all giddy. "Good things we hope mrs l/n" Freya spoke up politely and your mum waved her off rolling her eyes as the young woman. "Oh god none of that call me Terry...Gosh you must be famished! That long trip down here nothing but nasty greasy take away food, and I doubt you ate well last night here sit I will whip somthing up!" She said getting ready to race arou d the kitchen and make some snacks. You stopped her before she became to hurricane you knew and loved. "Actually mum they were hopeing for a shower" you said and all three nodded sheepidhly each adding ther own pleases and 'if its not to much trouble' you mum widened her eyes and nodded. "Oh of course of course, how silly of me! I dread to think what those trailers are like! But ladies first in this house I'm afraid young man" Joey held up his hands and smiled. "That's no problem Terry I can wait" your mum smiled and quickly ushered him to sit down at the table and then started rustling through the cupboards for some biscuits. "Right well he looks safley occupide so we should be safe to leave him you guys follow me we have a bathroom upstairs and down" you said leading them through the kitchen to the hall.

It was ten mineuts later you found your mum in the living room watching Joey munching on a toastie haveing the time of his life with three tiny dachsund puppies? "Oh my god! mum? you didn't tell me Nemi had pups?!" You admonished quickly kneeling down to the floor cooing at them Joey smiled rolling the ball to you and they dutifully chased it yipping the whole time pouncing at one another. "Yes well it wasn't really planned... Harriots boy got her...He was only nine months old so we didn't think nothing of it....Then she got fat and here we are five pups" you stopped looking to her seriously placing a hand to catch the lighter of the three as they climbed up making a rather loud noise begging for attention. "Five but theres only three...Did the others you know?" You quickly glanced down to the pup in your lap tickling its tummy placating them. "Oh goodness no they have gone to their forever homes! The black female is a surprize and we are holding her here untill the little girls birthday at the end of the week and the males family are organizing travel from devon neither can drive they should be collecting him next week if not Euan said he will drop him off they seem like a nice couple recently retired and want a little pup to love and spoil" you smiled feeling better as your mum explained things, atleast they were all going to loving homes. "Aww their so sweet I wish I'd been here to see them born I bet they were so tiny~ is that a dapple?" You were interrupted by a squeal and turned seeing Freya standing at the door fresh in set of clothes looking relaxed. "Holy fuck puppies! Come come! Gimme! Come to aunty Freya! Oh look at that little pudding~ yes awoo to you to baby!" You laughed as Freya moved faster then you'd ever seen her move batting Joey away. "I left it on for you Joey go go! And I will take that!" She said snatching the black and tan pup from Joey and sitting down on the floor cooing and playing with the tiny dog.Your mum got up quickly heading to the kitchen and returned with two plates. "Yes shes a beauty isn't she?" You looked to the dog and smiled agreeing with your mum as she nodded to the colorful dapple puppy in your hands, she definitely was a pale beige grey with a mix of bright coffee and dark grey splotches. You rolled her over to her back tickling her chin and she quickly arched up closing her eyes enjoying the pamper. She would be a spoiled little madam that much was certain~ "I had her throughly checked out at the vets, apparently dapple's are more prone to problems but she is perfectly healthy and called a black tan brindle dapple...Cute huh?...Here you go dear eat up!" You watched as your mum handed Freya a plate with a toastie on it. "Its sweet, cherry pie filling" Freya smiled thanking her and quickly began nibbling it whilst playing with the pups who now licked at the sugar on her fingers. You leaned over the tiny dapple giggleing blowing a little puff of air on her tummy making her jump tilting her face at you yipping playfully trying to bite and paw at your hair. "She really is beautiful and her eyes their so blue...So gorgeous and cute~ get a decent amount for her I suppose" you moved to put her down sighing wishing you'd been here a litter of puppies must have been fun right? Playing with puppies all day? Why couldn't she have had pups in lockdown? "I would but...No shes a gift" your mum sighed watching as the small pup tried to wrangle your attention again. "Oh Really? Like for the fathers family?" Your mother smiled softly and leaned down scopping up the tiny pup, and she was tiny smaller then the other two she was the size of your mums cupped hands, the tiny girl whined softly then was quickly placed back in your lap. You cooed at her again making her jump up trying to give you kisses wriggling her little butt wagging her tail. You giggled leaning down to her as she yipped again then began nipping your nose. Your mum moved in kissing your head. "Happy late birthday sweet heart" you froze looking at her you could hear Freya gasp watching from the other side of the rug. "What? You can't be serious? Mum you can't give me a puppy" you asked but cuddled the tiny pup to your chest wanting to keep her so bad. But you couldn't accept...Could you? I mean Henry had Kal on set so? Doesn't that mean you can have a puppy in your trailer? "Oh I am...You looked after your father and I during that whole lockdown shitshow, sheilding just as carefully as us so you could take him to chemotherapy and do all our shopping and prescriptions...We missed your birthday so we decided this is our thanks...We know she's in good hands and you'll take good care of her...Besides now that your a big time actress you'll need a companion for on the road. Like your friend's doggy cow was it?" You laughed wiping at your eyes tears welling just overwhelmed with the idea of getting to keep the tiny dog. You shook your head at her believing kal was called cow. "Kal mum k-a-l you know...Like superman?" You mum clapped her hands and laughed out loud. "My god that makes more sense! I thought it was cow...Like you know 'Moo'...Your father and I couldn't figure it out~ Any way your puppy is eleven weeks old and vaccinated chipped-all using your details... We got her a bed and collar lead food ect for you to take so once you set off for london you can take her with you! Shes why we didn't tell you about Nemi it was a surprize" you looked down at your new puppy who was howling her little head off throwing a fit over the fact you stopped paying her attention you grinned at her and moved down kissing her little head , she jumped up pawing at your hair pulling and mouthing on it. "Oh I must warn you shes a bit of a singer...Needs to be center of attention and if she isnt she'll let you know about it!" You giggled she reminded you of Joey you smiled holding her up. Freya snorted "Now who does that sound like?~" Freya snorted and you chuckled "Who does what sound like?" You all looked up seeing Anya enter the room and smiled Freya was quick to hold up a puppy "Anya look! Puppies!" Anya grinned and quickly sat down taking one off Freya petting it cooing softly. "Oh my look how cute they are!? They are so tiny~ I need one to snuggle daily!" Freya smiled and nodded to you who was still quite emotional trying to think of a name for your cradled pup. "Well your in luck Terry gave that one to Tinks so we're gonna have one onset! For real to steal and snuggle" Anya smiled so that was what had you choked up. They watched as you looked up a grin on your face and held up your yapping puppy. "Anya here you go a cherry pie toastie~" you mum called out handing the second plate to her, she smiled greatfully and bagen eating face lighting up at the taste. Both women watched as you held your new found baby coddling her and playing completely awe inspired by the size of her. "Joey...Shes my baby joey! My little Jojoba~ my very own bard yesh you are oh thats right! Mummys gonna spoil you rotten yes I am my baby little sausage!" Your mum lifted a small blanket as Freya and Anya laughed out loud moving to put the two dogs back into the playpen still eating their snacks.Poor Joey. He was going to love this.

"Go go show her off but remember she cant go on the floor yet...Not that I imagine your going to put her down" you smiled and turned facing the door and bumped into Joey you grinned at him and held her up to his face as she started 'singing' as she wasn't being snuggled correctly. "Joey meet Joey! The best little singer in town" Joey stuttered and moved to pet the small pup then tilted around her looking at you shocked only just relising what youd said. "What the-is that one yours?" You smiled at him nodding proudly and pulled he rto your chest letting her snuggle in you your boobs rubbing her chin. "Uhuh! Mum gave me one! My Joey!" He smirked watching you fawn over her and chuckled. "Aw he's so cute....Right thats it I accept Tinks we now have a son! Its official I shall teach him-" you snorted and interrupted his dramatic announcement. "Her" he faltered and frowned tilting his head. "What?" he asked not sure he heard you correctly. "She's a girl Joey" you giggled and he shook his head baffled looking between you and the dog. "Then you cant call it Joey...Its a boys name....Call her Josie or Joyce" he offered alternatives which made you cackle this was pay back for the whole tumblr thing...And every other time he's embarrassed you and Henry...Oh yes revenge was sweet~ "Her name is Joey and thats final, you should be happy listen she makes a lot of noise, she sings just like her uncle Joey~ don't you like her singing?" You teased holding he out to him again making him wince at how high pitch the sound was you could hear Anya and Freya laughing at him from behind. "Shes got a set of lungs on her I'll give her that much" he said still wincing and patter her head in a hopes of shutting her up. "Well I think she had a perfect singing voice~ See shes singing for her mummy...Arent you princess oh come here my baby~" you said cradling her again completely in love with her already. "Well she is cute...When she isn't making all that racket" Anya scoffed trying to bite back a laugh and Freya smirked saying outloud what you were all thinking. "pfft could say the same for you...Definitely Joey" you all walked past him making your way outside. Your mum had conveniently packed Joeys puppy pack in a small box for Anya to carry and a slamm princess bed was tucked under Freyas arm...she stopped by Joey and thrust it into his arms. "Come on then you time to earn your keep~" he stuttered but sighed as he soon found himself lugging the box Anya was carrying to. "Joey~" you called trying to get her used to her name as you walked across the field. "Yes Tinks" Anya and Freya shared a look then bellowed a laugh and so it begins. Joey sighed but smiled secretly excited to have a little pup about he was definitely gonna steal her for cuddles.

[mareebrittenford]

I’ve never believed in magic. I’ve never seen anything that’s convinced me of it, especially not living here in Anaheim, California. It might feel magical to make that big trip to Disneyland, but outside of that shiny spotlight, it’s all boring or depressing. 

There’s no magic here. It’s not a special place to grow up. It’s too far from the beach to be cool, too far from L.A. to be hip. It’s dull suburbia, pushing the edge of seedy.

Perhaps that’s why I felt so drawn to something that felt a little outside of normal. The Fairy House. 

I’d never noticed it before this last summer. I call it The Fairy House because it looks like something straight out of a fairy tale, the old-fashioned kind that hasn’t been processed to remove the nasty bits. It’s got a real wood shingle roof covered in creeping vines. There’s diamond-shaped windows of wavy colored glass and a fence that looks like drunk elves built it in the middle of the night out of materials they thought were pretty. It even smells special. Rich and damp and green, despite the baking dry heat that’s overrun everything else.

It’s obviously just a house. A funky, water-restrictions-ignoring old house that’s shoved its way into my head. I don’t even know why I noticed it. There are other old houses that are falling apart around here.

But somehow it’s just special. Cute. Not quite belonging.

I’ve altered my running route, to the point of doing extra miles in the summer heat, just so I can run past it. It keeps my mind occupied for the rest of the run, coming up with stories about what if. What if it really was enchanted? I’ve been reading up on older versions of the familiar stories. The kind where there’s no magical save at the last moment. The kind where people die for making bad choices. 

If the house were really enchanted, I’d say there would be a 50/50 chance of my fascination being a curse or something. But I wonder, as I stop in front of it and breathe in the sweet smell of flowers and grass, if this was how Hansel and Gretel felt. This strange desire to know. To see. To go inside.

In the end, they’re just silly stories to keep my mind entertained on the long solo runs. Around here people know better than to believe in magic. When you’ve seen backstage, you know that it’s all a trick. All there is to magic is people working to create the illusion.

The house might not be a planned illusion. But my stories about it are just stories, like an oasis in the desert that evaporates when you get closer.

I’m fifteen, so even if I’d ever been taken in by the idea of magic, I’m too old for it now. I have more important things to worry about. School. Getting into college. 

When I meet up with the track team the week before school starts, I casually suggest that we take the run along Orangethorpe. Because there’s trees. Everyone wants shade, right? Of course it’s already late afternoon, since no one wants to run in the full heat of summer if they can avoid it. So shade isn’t that important.

I still want to run past my fairy house. It’s been a few days, and I miss it.

Lionel, the new team captain, rolls his eyes. He knows my motive. He’s one of the few people that has bothered to keep up his training over the summer. He’s also one of my best friends. I’ve made him run this route enough times for him to complain about it. 

“You need to be careful, or people are going to start calling you the girl who obsesses over weird houses.”

I roll my eyes, but he ignores me, turning away to call out and get the attention of the messy group. He has to clap his hands and yell a few times to get their attention.

Now would be the time to give an inspiring speech about the exciting competitions we have in the season ahead of us, and Lionel makes an attempt, but he’s not much for inspiring speeches. He’s a tall black guy, his long, lean body the ideal runner’s build. He’s going to be good at most of the captain stuff, and he’s got a great eye for talent. But he’s not what you’d call a natural public speaker. We’ll have to find our inspiration elsewhere.

That doesn’t matter today. It’s traditional to make this first run easy. The hell workouts will come in the next few weeks. 

“It’s better to start soft so these out-of-shape idiots don’t quit on us,” Lionel told me earlier. Their commitment level isn’t the best anyway. We aren’t exactly an all-star team. 

I mostly tune out his speech and focus on twisting my hair into a rough French braid so it doesn’t frizz or tangle too much. Of course as soon as I start sweating I’m going to have a frizzy halo around my face, but at least it’ll be kind of controlled. 

Lionel finishes talking, and we all straggle off down the street, some people dropping to a walk almost immediately.

I fall into step with Lionel in a pack with a few other kids who haven’t skipped training completely over the summer.

“Oh wow, I wonder why we’re running this route,” he says smirking. He knows very well why.

“Why are we?” asks Brad, dropping in on my other side. He crowds me a little, and I edge closer to Lionel. Brad has never forgiven me for only going on one date with him. That was one more date than I should’ve. It gives me perverse pleasure to see that his pale skin is now bright red and he’s streaming sweat. Someone didn’t stay in shape over the summer.

“Lyse has a local tourist attraction she likes to cruise past,” Lionel says. He puts on a high-pitched voice. “If you would turn your attention to the building coming up on your right. It’s a falling down old house, which our esteemed teammate Carlyse believes to be inhabited by fairies—” I elbow him in the side, and he makes a choked sound as if I’ve done him some actual harm. Carlyse is my full name, but he only uses it when he wants to annoy me.

“What?” Brad frowns. “What are you guys even talking about?”

We’ve just reached the house, and I flick my thumb at it in annoyance. “This old house. I think it’s cute. And I don’t think fairies live there.” Okay, when I’m right in front of it… maybe I do. Or something like that.

Brad shakes his head. “Why are you guys always such jerks? I'm not an idiot. It’s a model train store. Perfect for nerds. You should visit.” He snorts in annoyance and gives up his battle to keep up with us, dropping back to a walk. 

I look up and down the street. It’s a light industry/retail area, and the fairy house is sandwiched between a mattress outlet and a janitorial supply store. Further down is a sporting goods store, and a FedEx depot. There’s lots of businesses. But one thing there isn’t?

“Hey, do you see a model train store anywhere?” I scan back and forth.

“Nope. Just your dopey house.”

“What was he talking about then?”

Lionel shrugs, unconcerned. “He’s just pulling your leg. You know how he is. Or maybe he got confused. There is a model airplane store down on the next block.”

How could he look right at the fairy house and see a model store, train or otherwise? It’s weird. I look back over my shoulder and see him with a couple other teammates who have stopped to walk too. They’re laughing and pointing at the house.

Obviously he’s not confused. Just Brad being his usual asshat self.

I resolve to put him and the stupid house out of my mind.

I actually succeed for a week or so.

This is the opening from my new book The Liminal Gate. Check it out!

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

Click, Click

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 , 7, 8 , 9 , 10 , 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22

Chapter 23:

“Oh, thank god you guys are finally here,” Kwangsun exclaimed urgently rushing towards you and the group of club members parading behind you. You felt anxiety grip your heart at the words and you reached forward, grabbing Kwangsun’s wrist.

“What happened? What’s going wrong?”

Kwangsun looked at you for a moment, puzzlement in his eyes. You weren’t sure initially why that was his reaction because the urgency he had displayed was enough to get your heart racing. You knew that the performance was in a while, but still, there were so many things that could have gone wrong already- or could even go wrong in the time before the performance- that you couldn’t help but worry that there was already something that needed fixing. You were ready to hop right into your protective-leader mode, set aside your anxieties and fix whatever needed to be fixed, but Kwangsun’s next action cleared those thoughts right from your mind.

He just laughed light-heartedly and placed his hand gently over your hand.

“Nothing, nothing, I just missed you too much that was all,” Kwangsun assured softly. You gave him a quirk of the eyebrow, which only made him laugh. “Do you even know how cute you are?”

You felt your face warming up, so to distract yourself you brushed your hair behind your ear and choked out a small laugh. No one seemed to think the action was odd, you supposed that was a good thing, because you felt like your guilt at Kwangsun’s outward affections towards you (and your inability to return them) were pretty easy to read.

“Kwangsun, come on, we have a lot to get ready,” you said, trying your best to change the topic. He chuckled at your words and looked over his shoulder at one of your friends.

“You think she knows she’s even cuter when she gets all serious and stuff?” He asked. He put his elbow on their shoulder and slowly shook his head. “There’s nothing more admirable then a girl who isn’t afraid to speak her mind and get things done.”

This time you just ignored his words. Deciding that maybe if you did you could focus on what mattered the most right now. The performance. You walked around the small area, talking idly to the people already gathering there (a few of which you actually recognized) and getting the speaker system set up for the day.

Kwangsun didn’t stray from your side for even a second. While he placed a few comments here and there about how cute you were, and how much he enjoyed working alongside you he was more helpful than anything else.

Sure, you got a tad annoyed when he insisted you needed help to carry around a speaker, but you were stubborn enough to not let him help you with the next speaker you had to move. Sure it got you what you equated to be a bit of a lecture: “You have to be careful, it’s just that it’s heavy and you’re dancing today… You know it’s okay to ask for help right?”

Yeah, you knew you were dumb to be mad at him for just wanting to help you. You knew it was stupid to be mad because he cared about you, but you didn’t need him to care about you, and you didn’t want anyone to think that. It made you seem weaker, and you were not weak in anyway at all.

“Okay, guys, five minutes till we start!” You called, breaking up the slow practice that every one of your team members were doing.

You had always had this bad habit of practicing nervously before most of your performances, and as you walked through the dances, your group tended to join in forming a casual full group last- minute practice. It was a custom that your group was pretty used to, and a reality that Kwangsun couldn’t believe when he watched you guys start.

His group didn’t practice, and they seemed a lot more at ease then yours did. You wondered briefly if you guys tended to just put too much pressure on yourselves. After all you weren’t actually idols, and even if you were everyone always liked your performances so there was no need to be so hard on yourselves. But before you could think too much about it, you started to go to each of your members, just ensuring they were all okay for the performances.

You checked up on everyone one by one, and then once you had left the last member found Kwangsun looking at you from not far away. You smiled at him and brushed down the flannel you were wearing for you two’s duet. It was long; but the pants, and the crop top you were wearing were so tight and… Form-fitting that you just knew that you would be self-conscious throughout the entire performance. But you looked good in it, so you were letting the sensuality of it pass for the moment.

“You’re so… Caring,” Kwangsun mumbled. You laughed quizzically at him, letting your head fall to the side. “What?” You questioned.

“I mean you checked on everyone. Made sure everyone was okay. You’re always looking out for your friends; do you know how rare that is in a person?” Kwangsun asked. You rolled your eyes.

“It’s not rare,” you insisted. Kwangsun shook his head.

“It is rare. And on top of all of that, you always just let… What’s her name… Kaylin? Walk all over you.”

Kaylin had been just like usual. Trying to make a big deal out of everything. Your relationship these days was rocky at best, but you tried not to think about it too much. Except for when you were ranting with Caitlin and Julia about how crazy she drove all of you.

You guys had gone to film something not long ago, and it got brought up that the video was never edited. Kaylin said some bull about how the editing had been up to a volunteer basis in the past despite the fact that she was the only one who ever edited anything (minus a few times that she instructed someone else to do so) and that she had just assumed someone else was doing it. Then she mentioned the fact that she had the video the entire time because, how was anyone supposed to edit the video if she had it and her excuse for that was “I don’t know how, but no one told me that the sd card was in my camera.”

You… You were getting off track.

The facts were, Kaylin was always discouraging everyone, never took responsibility for anything that she did that was wrong, and always tried to pin the blame on you and your friends even though you were always scrambling about trying to fix the problems she had caused.

Luckily, recently it had been easier to avoid her- because she never talked to anyone when she was mad at them. So, she only passive-aggressively complained about your decisions around you these days, and then pretended you two were friends when it was convenient for her.

“Kaylin is… A complicated subject,” you murmured. “Anyways, are you ready to perform?”

Kwangsun didn’t look like he wanted to let the topic drop, but you gave him a reassuring smile and held out your hand and at that he just couldn’t help but smile and take your hand as well. You encouraged everyone to come together and smiled at them all.

“Okay, we’ve all worked hard, and now the only thing to do is to give the best show possible,” you said comfortingly. “Fighting everyone! Collab on three. One. Two.”

Everyone cheered three all at once and the crowd began to grow silent. Kwangsun kept a firm grip on your hand pulling you into the center of the stage for the night. You willed your nerves down to a minimum and stood next to him. You looked up at the person in charge of sound and gave him a quick thumbs up.

The suave music started to play, and instantly you started to walk along with the beat, falling in place right there next to Kwangsun. Luckily, all the practice you had done had prepared you to the point you didn’t really have to think too much about remembering the dance moves. After all you knew them, and at this point your body just did them on cue.

Your solo hit and as you danced and sang you made sure to focus on your facials as best as you could. This wasn’t the part of the dance that you worried about so it was easy to just relax and emote and sing the way you would if you were alone (despite the audience cheering as you dropped down- legs spread) as Kwangsun came back on stage.

It wasn’t until you briefly wandered offstage, right before the part that you were most worried about that you even had the chance to look at the audience. It wasn’t long. You recognized some people that you had seen at a couple of your busking events, all cheering for Kwangsun, you felt your part coming up and so just as you were about to go back out, you saw someone in all black towards the front- but before you could dwell you were strutting back on-stage.

You felt Kwangsun’s body moving fluidly against yours. You stepped, you spun, you guys dispersed and then before you knew it, you came back, your back brushing his chest. You pulled your arms across your chest, and his face drew close to yours, so close that you could feel his hot breath on your cheek. You didn’t think about it, and instead focused on your second solo.

It was a little more difficult than the first- not move wise but because you were practically touching yourself in front of a crowd. You still got through it as easy as you had the first one, but this time you didn’t dare look at the audience while you were briefly off-stage. You just watched Kwangsun move on the stage until it was time to do the chorus with him again.

You were thankful for the breather as you guys sang the part right before the dance break of the song, especially thankful for the minimal touching at this point. Even the dance break was okay, a few touches to your hips, and that area were fine. You were just glad you guys hadn’t decided to do Troublemaker, or worse Knock Knock by Nasty. Of course, you guys had done the breakdown from their 2013 MAMA performance. A lot more touching, required sharper movements and a little bit of grinding on your part but you weren’t worried when you heard how loud the audience got cheering for it.

Kwangsun wrapped his arm over your chest, and pulled your head close to his, pulling you to the side, just so that your lips couldn’t be seen by the crowd. You could tell by the look in Kwangsun’s eyes that he wanted to kiss you again. That he was using every fiber of his being to keep from placing his lips on yours.

Your heart was pounding a million miles an hour as the song came to a stop, and even still you forced a smile on your face. You looked out into the audience, scanning for the person that you hoped- No prayed wasn’t actually there. Still in the front, smiling and clapping for you, you saw a man in a dark hoodie, sunglasses, and a face mask.

You didn’t let your smile falter, but you still felt the dread spreading through you.

“And, now, the show can truly begin!” You exclaimed, breaking out from within Kwangsun’s arms. You could feel his eyes holding on to you as you wandered away from him, trying your best to put as much space between you two as possible.

“You know, your awful puns are one of the fondest things about you,” Kwangsun said with a laugh. It hit you like a pang in the heart, but still you smiled harder and laughed as if it didn’t hit as hard as it truly did. “Did Sunny really just compliment me?” You exclaimed, placing a hand on your heart. “I’m honored truly honored.”

“Not as honored as me and the rest of the boys are to be here with you guys!”

The thing with this performance was probably that the whole point was to be a collaboration between groups. While it was easy to seamlessly fit the few boys in your group along with the boys in Kwangsun’s group, it wasn’t so easy to fit the girls in while holding the integrity of dances that both boys and girls were comfortable doing. Some of the boys weren’t comfortable doing girl group dances, and it wasn’t hard to figure out that mixing the two groups would probably end badly for the girls dancing with the boys, as they could be overlooked if the boys did well enough.

To protect that integrity, you had come up with a small solution to the issue. Your two groups would do your own solo things, add in a few duos here and there, totaling up to six quick performances, and then you and Kwangsun would get into a debate on which group was liked the most. During this debate, you guys would decide to invoke a competition.

It would invoke boys versus girls, performing mashups of the various produce songs like that of a dance battle. This dance battle would get slightly sidetracked by a song that you both liked, that was a collaboration Kpop male and female idols had done before (Who’s Your Mama by JYP had been the chosen giant collaboration song) and then you guys would all end the entire performance with a performance of Seventeen’s Thanks.

“You really are a big fan of Seventeen aren’t you?” Kwangsun asked you as you outlined your idea. He was smiling fondly at you, but for some reason the comment made you tense up a tad.

“Sorry?”

“I mean you’ve got to be a huge carat. You always plan these events, right? And you guys always perform so many Seventeen songs.”

“I guess you could say that… It’s just that being able to mirror their synchronization and execute their difficult choreography makes our group look better as a whole. It makes us look even more impressive you know?”

It was a hard show. You weren’t dancing as much as usual, but even so, you never left the stage. Never had a moment to clear your head, never had a chance to relax and tell yourself that everything was going to be okay. It was just smiling, and laughing, and dancing and pretending like everything was okay until you watched as the rest of the people on stage slowly sank down…

“Gomabda,” you sang. You slowly lowered yourself to the ground, counting beats as you lifted yourself back up, pulled your hand across your chest, and slid it down your arm. You hooked your pinkies together, letting your head drop to look down at your lap.

You heard applause and you got to your feet, eagerly waving around the audience.

“Thank you for coming!” You called excitedly. Kwangsun laughed as well grabbing his own microphone.

“We hope to do this again for you guys! Have a good night!”

Everyone in the group began to depart from the formations, meeting with their friends, or fans in the audience. Finally having everyone’s eyes off of you made you deflate. You could see Kwangsun making his way to you and so you turned to him and wrapped your arms around him in a grateful hug.

Kwangsun held you tight and seemed pretty reluctant when you pulled away slightly, but you were adamant anyways.

“Hey, there is someone I’ve got to see,” you stated softly. “Catch up in a second.”

You could feel his eyes on you, but you didn’t care. You were determined to see Jihoon and do damage control. You couldn’t imagine what he could potentially be thinking about and whether or not he was mad. You were so ridiculously anxious.

You pushed blindly through the crowd, and before you got really anywhere you felt someone grab your wrist. You were worried for a moment it was Kwangsun but when you got pulled into his arms you recognized the hug to be different. Tight grip, smaller but built frame. You smiled and buried your face into his neck.

“You came,” you mumbled into him. He laughed, an action you felt in the vibrations that ran through his body.

“Of course, I came. You come to all my concerts,” he replied. You pulled back and beamed at him brightly.

“That’s different,” you insisted. “You’re an idol.”

“You’re practically an idol,” he stated. He waved around the square at all the people standing around and smiled. “I mean you arranged this whole collaboration and everything!”

You rolled your eyes.

“Well, if I learned anything, I learned it all from you,” you murmured back. You nervously bit down on the bottom of your lip. “Are you sure that you… Liked the performance?”

He laughed.

“Of course, I did! I swear you get better and better every day!” He said encouragingly. Still you weren’t able to get out of your head about everything. You pressed your lips together.

“But it was really…”

“Sexy,” Jihoon agreed with a nod of his head. “You must have had to practice a ton with Kwangsun.” “Hours on end would you believe?” Your heart began to pound in your chest again, and you looked over as Kwangsun himself wandered over to you two.

You hadn’t imagined he would try to come find you, but you supposed you had just been hopeful with that thought.

“We spent ages in the practice room together,” he stated. “Really helps you to get to know a person.”

“Ah-ha!” You laughed out nervously. “Meet Kwangsun.”

Kwangsun beamed and looked at you.

“I just had to see who was so important to you that you ran off like that… Who is this?”

You knew you couldn’t answer the who is this question, but you were still determined to get of this situation unscathed, secrets safe, with no more secrets between you and Jihoon. How the hell you were going to manage that? Honestly? You didn’t know. But still, you were going to try.

“We-”

“Hey look who it is!”

You nearly face palmed, how on the planet could even Jeongin be here?

“It’s my favorite-” You pointed at Kwangsun from behind his back and smiled nervously at Jeongin. You knew his next word upon seeing you and Jihoon together was going to be- “Couple… of… friends!”

He bounced up to you guys and threw his arm around Jihoon’s shoulders laughing loudly as if he hadn’t just almost exposed them. You breathed out in relief and smiled nervously at Kwangsun when he turned around.

“Kwangsun-”

“Sunny,” he tried to correct. You just ignored him.

“This is one of my best friends Jeongin,” you introduced. Finally, you were in good company. You could really relax and not worry so much about having to lie about Jihoon and you with Jeongin here. You knew he would catch on pretty face to the simplistics of the situation. You knew that he would make this easier on you. (Even though, honestly, most days just being around Jihoon made everything easier on you anyways.)

“Jeongin? She’s never brought you up before,” Kwangsun said innocently. Your eyebrows drew in suspiciously at the boy but Jeongin either didn’t notice or comment on it.

“She’s a strange one,” he said with a laugh. “She’s never talking about the people who mean the most to her, and is always mentioning the people that will hardly ever be around in her life… On an unrelated topic, she’s mentioned you to me before.”

You smacked Jeongin on the arm and shot him a glare, wondering why he was being so rude, but he didn’t seem to mind the act. He just smiled innocently.

“But no matter. I am Jeongin, her best friend! And life advisor!”

“You aren’t my best friend, and you aren’t my life advisor,” You grumbled back, but a part of you was still a little relieved by Jeongin’s presence here. Even if… maybe he wasn’t going to be the saving grace you had initially assumed him to be. Jihoon laughed at your two’s antics, seeming amused by the entire situation. You were relieved, oh god so relieved.

“This is Changwoo,” you stated, gesturing towards Jihoon. Jihoon gave Kwangsun a short wave which made him nod his acknowledgment.

“Yep… Changwoo. That’s my name. I’m a close friend of Jeongin’s now a days,” he stated. “We’re getting lunch next Thursday.”

“You are?” You asked in surprise.

Jeongin beamed.

“We are!”

Kwangsun laughed in pure amusement as Jeongin put his arm around your shoulders and pulled you close. You felt yourself sigh in content and rest your head on Jeongin’s shoulder at the action. Suddenly you were hit with a wave of nothing but pure exhaustion.

You buried your face in Jeongin’s chest, and wrapped your arms around his body, but you were only in that position for about two seconds before Jeongin had pushed you into a different set of arms. Jihoon’s hands settled comfortably over your shoulders and you felt the tip of his hat brush your head.

“Oh hello,” he murmured. You felt your face darken and you looked up at him.

“How did I find my way over here?” You asked teasingly. Jihoon rolled his eyes at your words but the smile never left his lips so you knew that he found your jesting adorable either way. You lowered your eyes again, burying your face into his chest. You heard Kwangsun start to talk, a question that you believed was directed at you but before you could turned your head out and address it, you felt the distinct body vibrations that meant that meant that Jihoon was talking.

Quickly the boys around you dissolved into conversation, but you didn’t even care. You weren’t generally very tired after concerts but today was something entirely different.

You felt Jihoon’s thumb rub a circle into the back of your neck and you peeled away from him, to rejoin the commotion going on around you. Kwangsun beamed when he saw your attention returned, but a glance around showed you that Jeongin wasn’t looking very happy.

You gave Jeongin a confused look feeling as Jihoon pulled you closer to him by your waist. Jeongin rolled his eyes and did a small head quirk to the side directing your attention over to Kwangsun.

“Remember when we were practicing Now, and you stumbled into me?” He said excitedly. “That’s when I knew I wanted to kiss you so badly that day.”

Jeongin laughed and you felt your face burning red.

“So then, y/n and I had been practicing for like an hour straight no breaks and I need a break, so I tell her that I’m going to take one, but she just keeps practicing,” he stated. “And then I’m teasing her about it, and she calls me Sunny and my heart jumps…”

“That a nickname you call him often?” Jeongin asked dryly. Kwangsun’s smile grew.

“If I’m lucky! Does she call you guys any nicknames?”

Jihoon hummed.

“No, not that I can recall.”

You wanted to protest that you literally had him in your phone as a nickname under his photo album but before you could argue anything Jeongin kept talking.

“So, I start to get really close to her because this is it, you know. I’m telling her that I want to be with her and that I want to kiss her, and I’m going to do it, I’m determined to kiss her in that perfect moment and-”

Just then you felt Jihoon’s phone buzz in his pocket, he gently pressed you away from him, and Kwangsun stopped his story as Jihoon pulled out his phone.

Jihoon looked down at his phone, a frustrated expression crossing his face.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I have to go,” he murmured. He looked up at you and stared at you for a long moment. You could tell that he wanted to kiss you and honestly you wanted nothing more than to let him do so. You wished so badly to be able to feel his lips on yours again, even though it had only been a day since you last saw him and got to do just that… But it seemed like Jihoon had better self-control than usual. He smiled at you and turned his head to the side.

“I’ll see you?” He asked. You nodded.

“I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”

You let Jihoon’s hand fall out of yours despite wanting to hold on to it, and it wasn’t until he had disappeared in the crowd and you couldn’t feel the lingering warmth of his hand on yours, that you realized something horrible.

Jihoon never heard the end of the story.

Jihoon never heard that you didn’t let Kwangsun kiss you.

You felt your heart drop at the thought, and you considered chasing back after him to assure him of just that but before you could Kwangsun was speaking again.

“So that was him huh? The guy you’re in love with.”

You choked on air and were about to spit out some excuse about how Kwangsun had just read the room wrong, but you didn’t get the chance, cause your reaction was answer enough.

“Does he know?”

“Uh… Yeah, he does,” you mumbled slowly. Kwangsun’s fingers balled into small fists.

“What and he isn’t your boyfriend?” He demanded. That felt like a shot to the heart. After all it wasn’t Jihoon’s fault you guys weren’t official… Not really. In the end it just boiled down to you and all of your insecurities. “What kind of a-”

“It’s not Ji- Changwoo’s fault,” you stuttered, you stepped towards Kwangsun. “It’s uh, it’s just complicated.” Kwangsun rolled his eyes.

“Yeah. Complicated. Don’t you have any respect for yourself?” Once again you were caught off-guard by his words, unable to say anything as the rage grew in his eyes. “I mean really. Guys like him will just take advantage of you and leave you on the curb.”

“But-”

“You shouldn’t be waiting around for idiots like him,” Kwangsun insisted. He reached forward this time and took your hand. “You should be with me.”

“Kwang-”

“I’d actually take care of you I would-”

“Well at least Ji-” Jeongin interrupted himself with a scrunch of his nose. “Changwoo lets her get a word in edge wise.”

“I’m just saying that she deserves someone who actually appreciates her.”

“Changwoo does appreciate her! And he actually respects her opinions and feelings instead of just assuming that-”

“Jeongin!” You interrupted before Jeongin could continue. He gave you an annoyed look and you could tell that he was angry, which surprised you. He had always been so laid back that you had never imagined actually seeing him mad. You felt the need to walk over to him, calmly placing a hand on his shoulder and giving him a sympathetic look.

He re relaxed a little at that… But not a whole lot.

“I can stand up for myself, Jeongin,” you assured him softly. He rolled his eyes at your words.

“I wasn’t standing up for you, I was standing up for Changwoo,” he replied certainly. “And god knows he deserves it for how much he cares about you and-”

“Jeongin,” you interrupted weakly. Jeongin fell silent and gestured to the ground before him, letting you take over. You looked back over at Kwangsun who looked a little annoyed, for what reason you weren’t sure.

“The stuff with Changwoo is… Well, it’s complicated because of me, not because of him,” you explained softly. “I’m scared of commitment but he… He seems ready for it crazy enough. He’s really sweet and jesus I love him so much-”

“Oh my god,” you looked back at Jeongin, surprised to find that he was completely at ease now. He smiled at you softly. “You admitted that you love him.”

You chuckled and brushed your hair nervously behind your ear.

“Shut up,” you murmured. “Anyways, Changwoo is a really great guy and I appreciate the concern but there is no need.”

“I just…” he huffed and crossed his arms. “I just care about you a lot okay. I want to make sure you are with someone who cares about you, because you deserve nothing but the best.”

You smiled gently.

“Changwoo wouldn’t ever hurt me,” you assured. “Now, I really need to get Jeongin home before he gets even more angry…”

“You’re treating me to dinner first,” Jeongin grumbled. Then he rolled his eyes. “Just kidding I’ll treat you to dinner. You really killed it at the busk.”

He reached out his hand, his bratty behavior from before disappearing when you placed your hand in his. He beamed at you, and you rolled your eyes at that.

“I’ll make it up to you Kwangsun, you can text me anytime you know?” You murmured. Kwangsun’s eyebrows scrunched together, and his lips formed a firm line.

“I’m sorry I upset your friend; I hope that…” He trailed off and sighed. “I’ll text you; I owe you lunch huh?”

You smiled at him wearily and waved your hand through the air in farwell.

-

“Why didn’t you tell me about Kwangsun?”

You rolled your eyes pushing our spoon deeper into the scoop of ice cream that Kwangsun had insisted on purchasing for you. You had told him a hundred times on the trip over that ice cream wasn’t dinner, and that he shouldn’t substitute it for it, but he insisted that ice cream was good for the soul and that you needed to chill out anyways.

“I did,” you replied. Jeongin scoffed at that.

“Yeah, okay, maybe but you didn’t tell me that he was bothering you,” Jeongin responded. “I could tell from the moment I saw you and Jihoon talking to him that something was wrong.”

“Yeah well I think you’re overreacting,” you replied pointedly. “I just can’t help but thinking that I’m a terrible person for not returning Kwangsun’s feelings. And that I don’t deserve all the good attention that I’m getting from him when I like Jihoon. And it’s not like I’m also worried that Jihoon will get jealous like he did with you, and that he thinks I kissed Kwangsun when I’m basically with him, and that me not being able to call him my… you know… means that he’ll think I’m not worth the trouble and he’ll break up with me and not want to see me anymore.”

You didn’t even realize that you had said that all in one breath until you finished the sentence. Your face was red and hot from the exertion of letting it all spill and honestly you were so embarrassed by admitting the truth that you hid behind your hand and another spoonful of ice cream.

Jeongin whistled, shaking his head slowly.

“You really do over-think for someone so hyperly aware of their situation,” Jeongin stated softly. “You know that Jihoon isn’t going to break up with you right?”

“And how do you know that?” You demanded. Jeongin dropped his spoon.

“Because he loves you,” Jeongin argued.

“Yeah, sure he does. Me, my fear of commitment, and even better, the man that I did a sexy dance with without really telling him about it who he thinks that I kissed,” you blurted. Jeongin reached across the table and grabbed you by your wrists.

“Get a hold of yourself!” He exclaimed. “You’re making it so hard to enjoy the ice cream…”

You scoffed and pulled your hands away from him, which made him sigh.

“Okay, okay, look really you are overreacting,” he mumbled. “Just wait until you see Jihoon again. You can clear the air and then you will find out that he trusts you, and you can go back to being so disgustingly in love with the guy that you’ll forget you were ever worried.”

You pouted to yourself, ice cream forgotten.

Sure, you knew that Jeongin was right… But there was still that ball of dread sitting in the pit of your stomach at the thought of Jihoon thinking you had cheated. There could’ve been another way to change this outcome, you should have just told him what dance you were doing... Should’ve asked him if it would bother him or something.

God you wished you could just relax but the thought of facing Jihoon again and him being upset or hurt… You swallowed hard.

“Y/n,” Jeongin mumbled between bites of ice cream, an eyebrow raised precariously higher than the rest. “Please tell me you aren’t going to do anything stupid.”

You forced yourself to pick up your bowl of ice cream, and plastered a smile on your lips.

“When have I ever done anything stupid before?” You asked him.

Chapter Twenty-Four

[chix-and-lili-central-station]

Familiar

(Continuation of Family Matters, )

It had been an average day, hiding from the media and any other person who looked in his direction and lamenting about the fact that today was the day he had promised his sister he'd say a few words on their family's behalf.

She had set up another speech to talk about the invasive nature of the media on celebrity personalities, or just mildly well known people it seemed. It was his job to give a short anecdote on their family's experience, more specifically his own experience as hard as it would be he had made a promise. It had been his idea to put himself out there more, to go beyond his past trauma and finally face his fears, to finally face a crowd of people. To face people without the overwhelming fear and anxiety pulling him back into the shadows.

Each step he took seem like a step to an impending disaster, his legs shook as if at any moment they would cave in, leaving him a shaking mess on the floor. It wouldn't be the first time after all. He could see the reserved area, an outdoor open stage. He could see camera crews setting up, reporters getting gussied up for their big moment. For his big moment on stage. 

It brought him back to then, the barrage of cameras and lights, the flashes as each one of the hundreds of people scrambled to take photo after photo of him, of a scared scarred little boy just wanting to go home not wanting to answer a thousand questions into the dozen mics shoved into his face. He felt himself falling back into the painful memory, the lingering pain gripping him threatening to trap him back into an endless disparaging cycle until a familiar voice called out to him.

"Asher," soft hands cupped his eyes, the flutter of this small sprites wings pushing away some of the dread he felt, "You're doing it again," 

Asher took his younger brother's hands from his eyes, taking them around his shoulders holding him lick a sack of flour. 

"Doing what?" He asked in a coy manner, Candytuft huffed into his brothers face.

"You're being emo in the middle of street, one of these days someone's just going to run you over with their car," he said his wings fluttering picking him up and over to face his brother, albeit upside down. "And that person may or may not be me!"

"Really?" Asher questioned still holding the youngers hands in his.

"Yeah really. Now come on you're gonna be late to the thingy," he fluttered his hardest pulling his taller brother along the path to backstage. Candytuft collapsed into one of the chairs provided for the speakers and stagehands getting comfortable as he adjusted the long sweater his mother forced him to wear before leaving the house. 

"It is far too cold put for you to be running around in just a t shirt," she had lectured, Of course she was right but the point still stood that he did not care for it at all.

"Hey Candy, aren't you sick? Shouldn't you be at home?" Asher reminded the young sprelf, there was that too. Early in the morning he had come down with a nasty cold, but it wasn't that bad now it had been hours and he had a sweater and everything. That should be enough for the hour and a half speech.

"Not right now, I wanted to be here for you and Maple, mom and dad never let me out of the house for this stuff and they finally said yes and then the cold and I just want to be like you guys," Candy admitted, and it was true, this was his first time actually being physically present for a speech despite his ailment. He wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon either. 

Asher sighed, he could understand the want to not be cooped up when your family was out and about, though he still couldn't help but worry about the little guy. 

"Besides," Candy continued, "Dads right over there with a dozen L.E.P.ercon guys" he gestured to the L.E.P. guards surrounding the area, it was, of course, a request from Chix that he be a part of the group supervising his daughters speech, especially the one where his camera shy son had worked up the courage to speak at.

"Its Lep-recon not lepercon," Asher corrected nudging the small sprelf on the nose.

"Whatever, you know what I'm trying to say," Candytuft huffed once again blowing air into his less than pleased brothers face. 

"Yeah, so," Asher lifted his brother up waving down their father, "then you can stay with the lepercons while me and Maple get work done," the young boy barely had time to voice his complaints when their Sprite father hovered over.

"We got a stowaway over here?" He questioned looking at his youngest son who looked less than pleased to be in this position.

"Yep," 

"Alright buddy, sorry but you're gonna have to come with me, that's the law." Chix slung the stowaway over his shoulder, Asher could faintly hear him yell 'But what about my rights?!' Before he headed back backstage to prepare for the most stressful moment of his life. 

Maple came to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Hey Ash, you doing alright? You know you don't have to go through with this if you don't feel up to it, I don't mind talking a few minutes longer," she chuckled, he took a few breaths giving her a kind grateful look.

"Thanks but I want to do this, I can do this," She smiled giving him a quick hug before leaving to start. 

He could feel his palms getting sweaty as he waited for his introduction. Just be short, sweet, and to the point, he reminded himself. It was like a mini mantra. Finally the moment came that she called him forward, giving him a grand entrance. "For the first time in television history-" a bit grandiose but it helped to quell his nerves.

It took everything in him to walk out on stage without pulling his hood to his face, without immediately turning his head away from the crowd to face the curtains. With shaking hands he took to the podium, like his sister had a hundred times before him. He gripped the sides like his life depended on it. 

He let out a shaky breath as he began, what started as a quick anecdote turned into something of a vent. He spoke of what the media's persistent invasion of their privacy had done to his family, how detrimental it was to his mental state. How it had been their inability to mind their own business that made it so hard for him to stand up and speak in the first place. 

It wasn't a flawless speech but it came from his mind and his heart, it came from exactly what he felt and what he had been wanting to scream at them for so long. He wasn't given applause at the end, of course it was barely a speech, but he did see something. Recognition, they knew exactly what he wanted them to know. They were learning and they were realizing the negative effect they had in some cases.

It took a bit of effort to pry his fingers off the podium, he could see the proud look of his family members as he gave the show back to his sister. She was beaming, a proud smile ear to ear. He never felt so good in his life.

He had done what he'd been so scared to do for so long. He could feel the heat in his cheeks from all the emotion and excitement. He was proud of himself. He felt light almost. He turned his back to the crowd as he had done a hundred times before, but this time it wasn't out of fear, it was to take a step into the future. A future where he wasn't afraid to speak, where he wasn't afraid to face his demons and tell them what he thinks of them.

And also to walk backstage and take a breather. As he lifted the curtain back he heard a strange click of something. Something that shouldn't be there. Even from the crack in the fabric he could see a face, one he'd thought he'd never see again. One he'd hope he'd never see again.

A face that haunted ever nightmare.

And a loud bang.

[distant-rose]

Carousels and Pretzels

Notes: @welllpthisishappening​ is an amazing person and I will never forget the day we met and started chatting and realized we know a lot of the same places. This is a dumb and purely indulgent fic that is full of Albany/Capital Region references most readers might not understand but admittedly, they’re only meant to be understood by one person and that’s Laura. She’s a phenomenal person, literally one of my favorite people and just an all around amazing human being who doesn’t get enough recognition for just how perfect and wonderful she is. Anyway, this was going to be a much longer fic but I kinda ran out of time. Also, Druthers has better pretzels than Brown’s, fight me. Summary: Emma Swan takes a job at Hoffman’s Playland with the hope of not running into anyone she knows from UAlbany. Instead, she runs into Killian Jones, a former lacrosse athlete whose tragic accident she covered as a story back in February. Word Count: 2,000+ Rating: T+

Hoffman’s Playland wasn’t Emma’s first choice of summer employment. If it were up to her, she would have been working for the Troy Record all summer, but their internships weren’t paid, and Emma had to rent to account for and she refused to hike all the way up to Lake George to work the depressing lunch shift at King Neptune’s again. 

It wasn’t the worst place in the world to work. Though she was forced to wear the ugliest combo of a polo and cargo shorts and the staff break room constantly smelled of Subway, her coworkers were pretty okay and was only a thirteen-minute commute from her apartment in Troy. Furthermore, it was monotonous enough that she could spend her days plotting how she was going to run the Inklings magazine this year and whether or not she should apply to grad school or try to apply for a job at the Times Union while she’s finishing up her last year.

Another plus was no one knew her at Hoffman’s aside from Mary-Margaret. It made everything easier, especially after her huge breakup with Neal and the amount of rumors of drug use that circled around afterward. They had broken up not longer after his dorm got raided and he tried to pin his stash of pot on her, nearly getting her expelled from the school. The last month of Spring Term was awful and she was lucky that most of her newspaper and literary magazine friends stood by her or else she wouldn’t still be in school, let alone have made it as the sports editor of the Albany Student Press and Inklings in the fall.

Still, the way things went put a bad taste in her mouth and she hoped that it would too stale for anyone to care about by the time that September rolled around. With most of the clientele of Hoffman’s being families with small children, she’s highly doubted that she would know anyone who went there.

Until she did.

Actually, that wasn’t entirely true.

Emma didn’t know Killian Jones personally, but it was a name and face she’s gotten to know well over the past three years. While she had never truly met the guy, it was imperative that she knew of his existence as a staff writer for the student paper and then later on as the girlfriend of Neal Cassidy, the starting lacrosse goalie.

His name wasn’t one that was said with fondness, but usually disdain. The name Killian Jones was generally premised by the use of the word “fuck”, “screw” or any variety of obscenity. There were three reasons for this hatred: 1) he went to Siena, UAlbany’s cross-town rival, 2) he played lacrosse and 3) he was good at it.

At least he used to be.

In February, he got into a car accident in Troy, a mere three streets away from her apartment. It has been a nasty one, which ended in the loss of not only his girlfriend’s life and his hand, but also his lacrosse career. She remembers quite clearly writing up the article on it for the Albany Student Press and then later on the party that had been thrown by Neal in celebration of his fallen adversary. Neal had hated Killian with a passion and the two of them had gotten in a fight during a game last year, which ended with a picture of Killian punching Neal square in the face on the front page of the Times Union sports section. 

Emma, on the other hand, felt bad for him. Despite the fact she had attended Neal’s horrible party, she had argued that it was in poor taste. Killian might have been “the enemy” but what happened to him was horrible and alongside reading a very sympathetic article on his behalf, she had even sent a condolence card.

Since then, Emma hadn’t so much of heard or seen anything on Killian Jones until he was standing in front of her, wearing a green Siena lacrosse sweatshirt and jeans in the middle of July and holding the hand of a small blonde girl no older than six.

She was so stunned by the fact he was standing in front of her that she did little more than stare at him for a good few seconds. She completely forgot to give her greeting and safety spiel.

Luckily, she was saved by his little companion.

“Hi!”

“Um, hi.”

“You’re pretty.”

“Thank you. You’re pretty too,” she replied, laughing at her awkwardness. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Alice! What’s yours?”

“I’m Emma,” she smiled. “Would you like to go on the ride?”

“Yeah,” Alice beamed before tugging roughly on Killian Jones’s hand. “Uncle Killy, give her a ticket!”

“Right,” he mumbled, fishing through the pockets before handing her a crumbled ticket.

She deposited it in the proper container before starting up the ancient carousel. The old music croaked through the speakers as it slowly started to move, but Alice didn’t seem to mind. It’s obvious to Emma that she’s pretending that the horse she’s riding was real, and the sweetness of the scene filled her made her smile.

Still burning with curiosity, she glanced back at Killian. He was standing a few lengths away and watching his niece with his forearms practically stuffed into the front pocket of his hoodie. As if sensing her glaze, his eyes shifted in her direction. Despite the urge to look away, she often him a small smile instead. He didn’t return the gesture.

When the ride stopped and Alice hopped off, he took her hand and left without a word. Only Alice turned back to give her a wave. Emma returned it tentatively, wondering if she upset him and swallowing her questions.

She didn’t know why she cared so much.

Much to her surprise, they return the next day. This time, he was wearing a pair of khaki shorts and a leather jacket despite the fact was nearing a ninety-degrees. Again, he didn’t speak much, letting Alice do all the talking. They show again the next day and the day after that; each and every time Emma had tapped down her inner journalist to keep from asking questions that were burning in the back of her throat. What happened to you? Why do you wear long-sleeved shirts? Why do you keep coming to this ridiculous 1950s amusement park?

Following Wednesday was a cloudy and humid day and there was only a handful of people in the park and none of them seem interested in riding the carousel. Emma fought the urge to play on her phone. Despite the horrible weather, Killian and Alice showed up yet again. The little precocious girl handed her a fistful of tickets.

This time Killian stood closer to the operator stand, practically hovering over her shoulder. He and Alice had been coming every day for nearly a week and a half now, and never before he had stood so close to her. She did her best to ignore him, focusing all of her attention on the little girl on the painted horse.

“How many times do you think she can ride that thing before she throws up?”

She nearly jumped at the question, turning to face him with surprise. He wasn’t looking at her, his eyes trained on Alice, but Emma could tell he was waiting for a response.

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “Depends on how strong her stomach is, I guess?”

He nodded. A few beats passed before he spoke again. “You look tired.”

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” she admitted. “I don’t have any air conditioning and my room in my apartment is kinda like a hot box.”

“That sucks. We don’t have AC either, but we’ve kinda be taking to sleeping on the porch since it’s screened in.”

“I don’t really have the option. I live in Troy.”

“Oh? Where? I’m familiar with it.”

“Let me guess? Bootleggers?” Emma asked sarcastically, without thinking. Bootleggers was a well-known college bar a few blocks away from where she lived and it was known to be frequented by obnoxious underage Siena students with fake IDs. It was constantly being shut down and reopened.

Killian laughed, a loud and boisterous sound that caught Emma by surprise once more. She had never seen him look so animated.

“Maybe, when I was a baby freshman, but I would like to think my taste level has gotten better since then. So, yeah, you located? Lansingburgh? North Central? The Hill? Sycaway? 

“Downtown. Third street.”

“By Brown Bag burger place, right?”

“That’s on Fourth street, but yeah, pretty close. More by the Ruck.”

“I love that bar. They have great wings.”

“They do and they’re less expensive than Brown’s. One of my roommates is a bartender there. David. He may or may not give us free pitchers occasionally.”

“Brown’s is expensive, but it’s good beer. I love their oatmeal stout. Their pretzels with the honey mustard are amazing.”

“They do have good pretzels but the one at Druthers are better.”

“Druthers? Isn’t that in Saratoga? It’s a bit hike, isn’t?”

“No. There’s on in Albany on Broadway,” she responded. “It’s not too far from the Pump Station and Old English.”

She was almost embarrassed about the fact that she often referenced locations by the bars in the neighborhood. In her defense, she had lived in the Albany area for nearly three years and have been involved in more Birthday tours than she could count.

“You’re a bit of a foodie, huh?”

“I used to write for the local eats section of the Albany Student Press my freshman and sophomore year before they switched me over to a different section,” Emma chuckled. “Needless to say, it was a bitch to keep off the freshman fifteen when you’re eating at every cool and exciting places across the Capital Region every week.”

“Sounds like a hardship.”

“For my scale, yes, it was,” she laughed.

When they ran out of tickets, Emma wasn’t sure who was more disappointed, Alice for no longer being able to ride the carousel or Killian for having to end their conversation. He reach forward and gave her shoulder a squeeze.

“You here tomorrow?”

“Same time, every day.”

“Good. I’ll see you then.”

He didn’t disappoint. This time not only bringing his niece, but also a large Dunkin Donuts coffee as well. Emma stood in shock as he handed it to her.

“I figured that you would like this since you’re not sleeping lately.”

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“No, but I wanted to.”

“Why?”

“Because you treated me like a person and not some wounded animal,”

“Oh…” She didn’t know what to say to that. “We just talked about food.”

“And it was the best conversation I’ve had in a long time,” he responded, lifting up his arm, which was once more covered by a Siena lacrosse hoodie. He pulled it back to expose the scarred stump left behind by the accident. “Yesterday was the first time I talked to someone aside from my niece who didn’t mention or talk about my accident. I felt normal again.  Coffee is the least I could do.”

“You’re welcome, I guess. Seriously. Thank you. It’s the nicest,” she said, taking a sip and giving him a small smile.

Growing impatient with the conversation, Alice tugged her uncle’s sweatshirt.

“You didn’t ask her yet,” she told him impatiently, not at all impressed with her uncle. He looked amusingly chastised for someone being told off by a six-year old.

“I was just getting to it.”

“Well, ask her so she’ll let me on the ride.”

“Okay, okay, Miss Pushy,” he responded with a roll of her eyes before giving Emma an apologetic grin.

“Ask me what?” Emma prompted him with a question.

“Well, if you’re not doing anything later, would you mind going to Druthers with me and, you know, having some pretzels and comparing them to Brown’s?”

“Just pretzels?”

“Well, and a beer or two? Perhaps maybe even dinner?”

“He likes you and wants to be your boyfriend,” Alice stated, crossing her arms in front of her chest and huffing at Killian.

“Well, that’s a good thing because I like him too,” Emma laughed. “And, yeah, we can go to Druthers and depending on whether or not, he agrees Druthers has better pretzels, maybe, just maybe, I’ll be his girlfriend.”

[hollandroos]

The Grand Spectacle | Part 2

Part 1 here!

Words: 2.7k!

Summary: You’re a runaway and Tom offers to take you under his wing as long as he can teach you trapeze and make you an act in his circus. He doesn’t question why exactly you ran away, that is until he notices a few strange habits you possess.

@cosmetologynerd Helped me out with this part! I’m so, so grateful and will forever love writing with this girl! Payton deserves so much praise, I can not express that enough!

The outfit Tom had laid out for you the next morning was not what you had been expecting. To anyone else, it would’ve been simple work out gear but to you the skin tight shorts and t-shirt was eye gouging and completely different to the many, covering layers you’d shown up in last night. None the less, you slipped the clothes on eager to make a good impression on the man that’s taken you under his wing and the many others you’d be around for the next-, who knows how long, as long as you can please the people.

Thinking about standing in front of others in the outfit already made you feel exposed, so you threw on a jacket over top. It was still early, so you hoped that everyone else would still be asleep. Thankfully the outfit didn’t include shoes, allowing your blisters to heal more slightly. Thanks to the ointment, they already looked better than last night but you still felt uncomfortable.

There was a bottle of water, a muesli bar and an apple sitting at your door that morning which you gratefully took, the ice cold water which was enough to wake you up and the food was simply delicious. Your taste buds finally felt alive and it was possibly the best thing you’d had in days.

When you reached the room Tom had directed you to last night, you were shocked. It was bigger then you were expecting and contained a range of gear that almost blew your mind. Voices started sounding outside and you glanced out the window, seeing all the circus performers starting to head into the tent. It was time, and your nerves were on edge already. You can do this, you scolded yourself, pulling open your door and walking out, trying your best to blend in with the crowd of people.

Of all the people though, Tom was nowhere to be seen and you were desperate for a familiar face. As you entered the tent, you looked around quickly, spotting him in the far corner. He spotted you at the same time, and he smirked to himself.

He walked over, saying good morning to everyone else as they began their training too. No one had asked about you yet, which he was thankful for considering he didn’t know if you were prepared to stick around.

“C’mon, sweets, jacket off” Tom snapped his fingers, turning his back to straighten out the mats. When he turned around to see you still wearing the jacket, clutching the zipping points tightly. He raised a brow. “It’s going to get very hot very quickly if you don’t slide that thing off and I’m not giving you a break to pass out from heat exhaustion.”

With a little bit of hesitation, you slid the jacket off and left it on the bench. Tom stared for a second or two, trying to pry his eyes away but you just so happened to notice, feeling your cheeks flush red. You didn’t feel utterly uncomfortable about the man in front of you, admittedly you felt as if there was potential for a bond to form but he had a wandering eye that happened to appear at the worst times and currently as you stood in front of him in possibly the least amount of clothes you’d worn in your life, you felt near naked.

Tom wasn’t staring intentionally, no if he wanted to do that he had all day but it was the little purple and blue marks left on your wrist that stood out to him. Not that he thought twice.

“Now, we’re going to do a range of things today but first we need to do some stretches and work on your flexibility. I’m not sure if you’ve ever done anything like this before or if this is all going to be new, but I won’t be going easy on you. We only have a couple weeks and I need to teach you all that you must know to get up on that bar.” You stood still, watching Tom discreetly as he wandered around the area to set things up. “Luckily, you’ve got the best coach in the business”

“You may find some of these stretches to be uncomfortable and-, well, exposing but trust me, they’ll make you go from zero to ten within the blink of an eye.” Tom sighed when you still choose not to speak. In a way it was good, it made his job slightly easier but he wanted someone he could converse with, someone that would ask questions about how to improve and challenge themselves to be the very best they could be. But then again, he didn’t know your past or what you were running away from last night. How could he know that you just didn’t want to speak or if you were taught not to speak? “You know you can talk to me, right? I’m going to be here to instruct you and guide you but I need to know when you don’t understand. But let’s get something straight, I’m your trainer, not your friend.”

“Okay, Yeah, I can do that” Tom smiled, glad to hear your voice. You were still nervous inside and out, You could feel it and Tom could see it.

“Let’s start, shall we? The deed won’t get done by standing around.”

Within minutes of Tom showing you what to do, then telling you how to do it properly, he had come up behind you, placing a hand on your lower back and putting a slight amount of pressure on it. “You’re too tense, loosen up a little and arch your back more. We need to build your arm strength, you’ll be using that a lot.”

You complied, feeling the ache in your arm muscles already, only minutes in. You really didn’t use to this kind of workout- or working out at all. But you complied, doing what Tom said and getting through it.

“Slowly, as we do more work, you’ll gain more strength and be able to handle more but for now, we need to see just how much you can take.”

True to his word, Tom pushed you to your full extent. He said things that, in a way pushed you but also broke you down. He was tough and you should’ve been glad, but after dealing with that your whole life, you needed encouragement, support. Something he wasn’t able to offer you and slowly, but surely, you were starting to think that maybe it was something you wouldn’t come across.

“C’mon, you can’t be giving up already?” You weren’t going to give up, not when you’d finally been given a chance, even if it was just in a circus. “I need you to push harder, try harder”

Tom was ruthless, instructing you to do more sets when you were on the ground huffing and puffing like a dog. People stared, sympathy filling them when they remembered that was them.

Tom didn’t ask himself why you didn’t get up and grab water or a snack in between if you wanted something you’d grab it yourself, it was that simple.

“Get up, we’re not done yet” He got down to eye level with you. “I want to have you on the bar by next week”

“I can’t, I-I can’t-” The pain in every part of your body was agonizing, you were close to tears and Tom could see it, but he kept pushing.

“Yes, you can. And you will. Now, up!” Tom stood up again, clapping his hands together. You were frightened by his hard stare, it reminded you of a time you weren’t ready to reminisce yet.

You stared into his eyes, a fire burning inside you like never before. You stood, ready to prove to him that you could, but as you did, your feet gave a particularly nasty reminder of their blisters. “I can’t. M-My feet are killing me, okay? I’ve never done this before, push me, fine. But I need a minute.”

You were embarrassed, you don’t complain about pain, you get up and work through it. Pain is nothing.

Tom blinked, amazed at your back talk, but not in a bad way. He was proud of you, seeing that spark in your eye and he knew that you had it in you. But then his gaze flitted down to your blue feet and he was shocked to see that many of the blisters had broken open and were bleeding. He felt a twinge of guilt for not noticing before. “Take ten. Rest and hydrate. We’ll start again in a few minutes.”

You glared at him slightly as you sat on the edge of the mat, the edge to his voice not missed by you. “Sounds good.”

Tom nodded once and walked to the benches where one of his acts, Aviana was seated. She was a pretty girl, one of his dancers that for the longest time, he’d treasured, even taking their friendship to the next level once or twice, but never anything series. Tom didn’t do seriously.

“You’re pushing this girl harder than you pushed any of us, look at her, she looks like she’s about to drop.” Avianna felt her heartache for the girl, but at the same time, she simply wanted to shrug her shoulders and move on.

Tom nodded, folding his arms as you got back up, screwing your face up as the pressure you’d been putting on your feet was already too much. But you got up nonetheless. “She has potential, I’ve just got to push her”

“Don’t push her too hard though. How’d she end up here anyway?” She stopped watching you and turned to Tom. Despite the lack of distance, the music would prevent you from hearing anything they were saying. It was blasting through the speakers, echoing throughout the entire hall.

“I don’t know yet, but clearly she’s been through a lot.” Tom continued. “She reminds me a lot

of myself, maybe that’s why I’m pushing her so hard but she’s going to get us places.”

He tried to ignore the small bruises on your wrists. They were light and could only be seen up close as if they were healing or were simply not done intentionally. He thought maybe you could’ve got them when wandering around last night, it wasn’t the best neighborhood after all. But then again he didn’t know how far you’d traveled.

“Enough sad talk, maybe you could come to my trailer tonight? It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Tom grinned and shook his head as Avianna place a hand on his folded arms, her eyes staring him down suggestively. “Look at you, you’re so tense”

“We have two weeks before the shows start, we don’t have time for messing around. Shouldn’t you be training right now instead of messing around? He scolded, chuckling to himself when she removed her hand and headed back to the mats with a defeated look.

She turned back to him for a second, not feeling completely torn about being let down. “If you change my mind, you know where I’ll be, I’ll wait”

As the session came to an end, you really felt like your body might give out. Your feet were aching more than ever and your shoulders hurt from the excess strain you’d put on them today. Tom rolled up the mats behind you, glancing back at you as you limped slowly from the tent. He felt bad about pushing you so much today, but it was vital. You had to be ready, and it was clear you’d had no training in the field.

He let you exit the tent alone, to give you a moment to recover and compose yourself. He recalled from all those years ago, his mentor pushing him to his max and how important those moments alone had been. After a decent amount of time had passed, he made his way to your trailer, knocking gently on the door. He heard your soft “Come in,” through the door and he pushed it open slowly.

The sight that greeted him was one he hadn’t seen before. Your feet were cracked and bloody, the welts on your feet fresh and raw. You were wincing at the pain of putting more ointment on them, the fresh gauze sitting right next to you on your bed. “O-Oh,” you said, surprised. “Hi.”

He walked over to you and knelt down in front of you, his fingers hesitating to touch your raw skin. “Those look pretty bad,” he said softly. You nodded and reached over to grab the damp towel needed to clean the excess blood away. “Here, let me.”

Your eyes met his in surprise, the tenderness in his voice completely shocking you. He had been so cold and hard all day, his only objective to train you, that seeing him this way felt nearly intimate. You handed him the towel and watched as he gingerly cleaned your wounded feet, taking extra care as he wrapped gauze around your feet and ankles. “If you wrap it this way,” he said softly as he looped the gauze around your feet, up around the back of your ankle and back across your foot, “it provides ankle support and keeps the gauze tighter.”

You nodded, watching his fingers work delicately and a smile crept onto your lips as his brown curls fell in his eyes and he repeatedly brushed them away. “Thank you,” you whispered to him.

“It’s the least I can do,” he murmured, looking back into your eyes. “I’m tough on you because I believe in you, I don’t know what you’ve been through- or how exactly you ended up here but, I know you’ve been through more than others.”

You looked at him, curiosity on your face, but your lips had gone thin, tight. You nodded harshly, looking away from him, a slight fear bubbling in your stomach, twisting it into knots. You didn’t know what to say. “When will I meet the others?”

“Maybe tomorrow, they’re all busy training right now but they’ll come by and introduce themselves at some point” He finished up, tightening the gauze. “I bought you some painkillers today, to take tomorrow when you wake up because you’re going to be in a lot of pain after today.”

He handed over a small box and you took it hesitantly, scrunching your face up in confusion. You could visibly make out little white dots, the size of a daisy petal or a stone. “P-painkillers?”

Tom blinked twice and stood up, content with the bandaging. He didn’t know how you’d been utterly clueless about painkillers, maybe the situation was worse than he’d originally thought. “Yeah, just take two with a glass of water and within around half an hour the majority of the pain will be gone, you’ll feel good as new”

You continued staring at the packet, then decided against it, handing the pack back to him. “No, thank you”

“What? But-” He sighed, rubbing his temples and closing your fingers around the pack. The act was gentle, but you froze when his fingers were only inches away from the marks. “Just keep them, you may need some tomorrow” He knew the pain you’d be in would be immense and he didn’t want that to slow you down tomorrow, though he doubted you’d allow pain to slow you down. You were determined and strong-willed. Tom wanted to keep the offer open if necessary.

You nodded, placing the packet on the bed. “I should get to bed. Another long day tomorrow.”

Tom nodded back just as rigidly and stood up. “Get some sleep. See you same time tomorrow,” he said, his voice not as soft as it had been before, and he exited the camper without another look back. The door closed behind him and a moment later the light went off. You were determined to get some sleep tonight.

Keep sending me reasons why you think the reader ran away! I love reading the theories.

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[pendivamesh-blog]

Prologue

Should.

I.

Kill.

Him?

That was the reoccurring question constantly plaguing my every thought. I love him so much that I hate him. I hate him. No, I’m lying, I love him. It just kills me inside to have to sit back and watch him be happy with a woman that isn’t me, especially after all the things Yuri had done to ruin my life. If it weren’t for his selfishness, I’d be happily married, with children of my own, living my best life. He’s to blame… for everything.

Uncaringly, he destroyed every relationship I had, long before many could ever be thought of. And because of him, true happiness never seemed to drift my way. I’m cursed, cursed for loving a man who only loved himself.

Placing the almost empty Remy bottle to my lips, I chugged until I couldn’t breathe, my mind flipping and twisting, twisting and flipping every which way it could. I was mentally drained, angry, and flat out tired of him flaunting his perfect life in my face as if I meant nothing to him.

Frustration rumbled like thunder in my chest as I drank, and I drank, and I drank some more. And the saddest portion was that I had everything, but absolutely nothing at all. At least nothing worth living for. None of the earthly possessions in the entire world could fill the gargantuan hole of emptiness plaguing my heart. I had tried everything, and I do mean everything to forget about the love we once shared. It was beautiful. I must admit.

Internally, I was going batshit crazy. I had to do something, anything, anything I could to make me feel better. It was time Yuri knew just how I felt. My volatile emotions had been bottled for far too long. I kept quiet, the silence of it all, screaming through my agony, forever torturing me as my sentiments pleaded with me to be released. Depression, I fought it time and time again. This had to be the reason, the reason I couldn’t hold onto anything else. The reason my insecurities sometimes get the best of me. The reason I—can’t—move—on.

I drunkenly stood to my feet, my inebriated state ailing my movements as I stumbled forward. Hurriedly, I latched onto the wall for support, catching myself before I could fall. As I tried to stand straight, my thick, toned legs were wobbly, my eyes were low-slung, and antagonism warped my pleasantly soft features as I could do nothing but think of him.

“Look what he made me do. This shit is freaking unbelievable,” I giggled intoxicatedly, knocking over an empty pint of liquor as I snatched an unopened bottle of Remy and my keys from the dresser.

On the way out the room, I passed by a mirror and had to double back to inspect myself. My hair shot up to the sky, matted, frizzy, and brittle, much like I felt inside. My old, worn, tee shirt hung loosely off one shoulder, and the shorts I wore had a giant hole near the butt. These were my lucky dance clothes, and the only thing I could find before I started to get drunk. Glancing down at my legs, they were so ashen one could’ve mistaken them for two oversized, battered drumsticks, ready to be fried in grease. And on my feet, I had no shoes, but fuck it. I had to go before I changed my mind.

Heading toward the front door, I grabbed my bag off the kitchen table and rushed outside to my car without locking up behind me. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure if the door was closed. Once inside my vehicle, I started the engine and cut the radio up to the max. Of all the songs that could’ve been played, Can’t Let Go by Anthony Hamilton, pumped from the speakers taunting me, and the waterworks really started.

Agonizing tears begrudgingly poured from my eyes. I was so weary I felt my soul cry. Pressing the pedal to the metal, I back out of my yard. I swerved in and out of lanes, sped through red, traffic lights, rode the tails of cars moving too slow for my liking. Luckily for me, it was riding close to 3 a.m. so the coast was almost clear.

In less than fifteen minutes, I turned on two wheels onto his street, almost jumping out the car in front of his trap before the vehicle could come to a complete stop. When I realized I was moving too fast, I took a moment to gather my composure. Slowing my pace for a few ticks, I threw the car in park. I jumped out of my vehicle, leaving the keys in the ignition, but doubled back to grab my bag and the bottle I had almost emptied on the way over. As I attempted to step on the curb, my feet slipped, and I almost busted my ass for the second time tonight, but I recovered. Oh, yes, I did. Nothing could stop me.

I stomped up the steps, my legs feeling as though they weighed one-thousand pounds as I banged on the door. Yuri’s car was parked out front, so I knew that son of a bitch was in there. “Yuri, Yuri, bring your ass out here,” I sluggishly screamed as I continued to knock.

When no one answered fast enough for my liking, I tettered backward, down the steps so I could check to make sure I was at the right house. Yuri had brought me there once before, so the place would forever be etched in my mind. After glancing up at the toward the small space between the roof and the door, and seeing the address number, I knew I was at the correct location. Growing angrier because Yuri still hadn’t come out, I aimed the bottle at the entrance before I sent it soaring through the air. It landed on the door with a loud boom, glass flew everywhere, then the pieces dropped to the concrete, shattering instantly.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Yuri asked, snatching the door open. His shirt was off, tatted chest exposed, rippled abs calling my name, muscles flexing with each movement. “Have you lost your god damn mind? You can’t just pop up at my crib whenever you want to because you having a meltdown. What if my girl was here? How the fuck would I explain this shit?”

“Fuck you, fuck herrrr, and fuck yo house you dirty son of a bishhhhhhh,” I shakingly pointed my thin, freshly manicured, finger, my uncontrollable body wobbling from on side to the other. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” I chanted, spit flying, foam gathering in the corners of my mouth as I spoke.

Yuri’s head whipped back and forth, his eyes scurrying the area before they landed on me. “Look, I need you to calm down. You got to chill before somebody call the police.”

“I ain’t got to do shit with ya nasty ass. Bitch, I’m gon’ be as loud as I fucking wanna be out here!” I shouted, my arms raised as I twirled around so anyone that was looking could see me.

Yuri stepped onto the porch, glass crunching under his feet as he moved toward me. His eyes formed slits as he studied me, gazing into red, watery eyes.

“Zuri, are you drunk?” he quizzed, frowning his nose as the stink of hard liquor seeped from my pores.

“Don’t fucking worry about me. You don’t care. You never cared. All you do is think about yourself.”

“Mannn,” he sucked his teeth, shaking his head with disgust. “If you don’t get your drunk ass in here so I can call you an Uber, we gon’ have problems. Why the fuck would you drive like this?” he chastised, reminding me of how he used to do me as a kid.

“Didn’t I say don’t worry about me, muthafucka? You hard of hearing?”

Yuri snatched me by the front of my shirt, bumping me with his hard chest. “I don’t give a fuck how close we once were. If you keep being disrespectful, I’m gon’ fuck you up. Now, I said to lower your fucking voice,” he sneered, his low tenner full of authority, scaring me enough to dig inside my bag.

“Fuck the police, and fuck you toooo,” I replied as my fingers tightly wrapped around the item I had been searching for.

Yuri’s expresso face, contorted in rage as he took a giant step toward me. “I said, calm the fuck down,” he roared, causing me to jump, and jerked from his grasp as I wielded my gun.

Taking giant steps backward, my unsteady hand aimed at Yuri’s chest. “Don’t come any closer or I’ll blow your fucking brains out. I came to talk, and you gone list to meeeeee,” I screamed, tears rapidly falling from my eyes.

Yuri’s hands shot in the air, but he swiftly lowered them as his eyes traveled from my face to the pistol, pain shouting from his expression. “You pulled a gun on me, on me of all people, me, Yuri?” he asked with disbelief while he pounded his bulging chest.

Nodding, I used the sleeve of my shirt to wipe the snot coming from my nose. “Yeah you, you, Yuri, you! It was you that did this to me. It was you that hurt me. It was you that messed up any chances I had at having a happy life. I loved you with everything in meeeee,” I cried, on the verge of breaking down completely. Sniffing, I quickly gathered myself. He didn’t deserve to see me break.

“Ever since I was a little girl, I did nothing but love you, love you with all my heart and soul. I gave you everything I had, wanted to make it work, and even tried. But while you were stopping me from finding true love, you were loving on somebody else. How could you? How could you do that to me?” I quizzed, gun trembling in my hand as I pointed it toward his head. I needed to know. Today was the day Yuri had to tell me something, something appeasing enough for me to move forward.

After hearing what I had to say, Yuri's expression instantly softened, and mist rimmed his eyes.

“Zuri, please, just put the gun down and let’s talk. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for everything,” Yuri apologized as he took small steps in my direction.

“I don’t believe you,” I replied, shaking my head wildly, my frazzled hair bouncing everywhere.

“You got to. You know me, Zuri. You know me better than anybody else,” he took another step closer.

Hearing that, something inside me snapped. If I were the person who knew him better than anyone, then why the fuck did he think the shit he did was okay? He should know me too. Right?

“Step back, don’t come no fucking closer. I’m not playing with you, Yuri,” I screamed, my finger gently tapping the trigger.

“Nah, fuck that. I’m wrapping my arms around you, and if you truly don’t want me to touch you, then shoot. Stop me dead in my tr—” was all Yuri got to say before I pulled the trigger.

POW!

Damn, look at where loving my supposed to be best friend had driven my sanity. Fuck, let me start from the beginning.

#ComingSoon #Amazon #BlackGirlMagic #KindleUnlimited #Kindle #IAmMeshaMesh #Books #Hotreads #writer #Author #Love #Queen #NickiMinaj #Astroworld #HipHop

[veryangryhedgehog]

“Mike Miller’s Second Day”, an Ede Valley story by Hedgehog.

Mike Miller’s second day at St. Adelaide’s School for Gifted Youth opened rather abruptly at approximately 3:30 in the morning. Gradually, a series of bumps and scraping noises jostled him awake. Not that he’d been really that asleep anyway, strange bed and all. Was someone trying to break in? If so, they were being awfully loud about it.

After a minute he rolled out of the small bed, and approached the door. Mike didn’t have anything to defend himself, but he played soccer. He could just kick them. That’s how it worked, right? To his still half-asleep mind, anything was possible.

Mike opened the door an inch and peeked outside. There was someone in the room, fumbling with Doug’s door. He almost went in to tackle the intruder, but as his eyes adjusted to the dark he caught the faint glow of white hair. It was Doug who was trying to break into Doug’s room. Wait. That wasn’t right. Mike blinked, trying to wake himself up more.

“...and herd. Seems to make it all just a little bit...” Doug mumbled to himself, fumbling with his key.

“Doug?” Mike asked, opening his door a little more.

Doug turned slowly, the mere quarter revolution almost seeming to make him dizzy. He blinked several times. “Oh, hey Mike,” his words slurred a little. “I... forgot you were here.”

Frowning, Mike took a step towards his roommate. “Dude, are you high?”

“What?” Doug leaned back dramatically, and almost fell over. “No, no. nononono. I’ve just had a rather... shocking evening.” He paused, as if he had just now processed the words that had come out of his mouth. “‘Shocking evening,’ that’s a good one.”

“Are you... sure you’re okay?” Mike asked. He certainly didn’t look okay.

“Oh, yeah.” Doug nodded lazily as he finally managed to get his key into the hole on the doorknob. “‘S nothing I ain’t used to.” The door opened, and Doug almost fell into the room. “Good night.”

Mike bit his lip as Doug’s door closed again. That, to say the least, was weird. He hadn’t really seemed drunk or high. That was... something else. But he shook himself. What Doug got up to was really none of Mike’s business. He was older than him anyway. Mike was concerned, but there was nothing he could do about it right now at 3:30 in the morning. He went back into his room, plopped down on the tiny, hard bed, and tried to go back to sleep.

He maybe got another hour or so of shut-eye before his alarm woke him at seven. Mike had never been able to sleep well in new places, but knowing this didn’t make getting up any easier. Breakfast wasn’t until eight, but Mike wanted to give himself extra time to make sure he wasn’t late. He didn’t need it, because fifteen minutes later, Mike found himself all ready with a lot of time to kill. Eventually he decided to take a walk in order to shake off the weirdness of this morning.

Briefly, Mike considered asking Doug to go with him, but he found his door shut with the light off. He decided that it would probably be best to let him work off whatever he was on earlier. So he passed by Doug’s room and went out into the hallway.

It was cloudy and dark out, he could tell right away from the lack of light in the common room ahead of him. What lovely weather for his first day of class. The common room seemed devoid of life, at least to the point when he reached the stairs. Just then, Jilli unpeeled herself from the shadows in the corner and smiled, waving.

“Good morning, Mi-kun,” her grin widened as an exasperated look crossed Mike’s face. “You’re up early.”

“I don’t sleep well in new places,” he said, a little lamely. “I could say the same for you.”

“I don’t sleep well period.” She laughed, a little bitterly. “Comes from years of 5AM rehearsals, I guess.”

Mike’s eyes widened. “Were they really that early? I mean, I’ve heard some stuff about the idol industry, but that just seems too crazy.”

“No, it’s true. When you’re an idol, you have to live and breathe your work,” she explained. “You start to feel like a singing robot, or a certain voice synthesizer.” They both chuckled a little at that. “And sometimes it gets a little... claustrophobic.”

“How so?”

“Well, the managers and agents can be a little overbearing,” Jilli made a strange face. “Our image is controlled even more so than a lot of pop singers over here. We can’t even have boyfriends. Of course, most of us did anyway, but the pressure and paranoia tend to get to you after a while. I remember a lot of girls having really nasty breakups when their managers found out, or when they couldn’t take the secrecy anymore.”

Shaking his head, Mike’s eyebrows knitted together. “Jeez,” he said. “Sounds really depressing.”

“It is,” she admitted. “But you know, I do really miss it. The singing, I mean, and the performance. I was just about to graduate before my, uh, incident. If I’d been able to hang in just a little longer, I might have been able to become a solo artist.”

“You still could.” Mike smiled. “I haven’t heard you sing, but I’m sure a lot of people would want to hear it.”

Jilli laughed, though there was a hint of sadness behind it. “You’re a sweet kid, Mi-kun,” she patted him on the head. “But, enough about me. It’s almost time for breakfast. Have you seen Doug?” She noticed Mike’s sudden frown immediately.

“He was... out really late last night and, uh, came in a little messed up,” Mike confessed. “I thought it was probably best to just leave him alone.”

“Good call,” Jilli nodded. “It was most likely one of his sessions.”

“Sessions?”

She grimaced. “Yeah, there’s an on-site staff of psychiatrists here.” She paused momentarily as Mike’s face twisted in confusion. “Rich kid school,” was the only explanation she needed to give. “Only the best for our screwy little brains.”

But Mike was still concerned. “So, Doug...”

“I mean, he’s Doug,” she shrugged. “I don’t know, I’ve never noticed anything explicitly ‘wrong’ with him. But who knows. All I know is that every once in a while, those creepy people in white lab coats come to take him away, and he comes back all fucked up. He’s always back to his annoying self soon enough though.” Jilli tried to appear nonplussed, but Mike could tell that she was worried.

“What can we do to help?”

“Pff, hell if I know,” she said with a hint of frustration. “He never talks about it. Believe me, we’ve all asked. Victor, Sonia, you name it, not a word.” Jilli shook her head. “But if he really needs help, he’ll come to us. Anyway, should we get going? Sometimes they give out donuts to the early kids.”

Unfortunately, there were no donuts on this particular morning, just a large, drab room with many tables of assorted sizes scattered around its area. Metal beams stretched across the high ceiling, casting unnatural half-shadows on the tile floor. The cafeteria was about a third of the way full of students milling about or eating an early breakfast.

From somewhere in the quiet crowd, Sonia stood and waved to the two of them, and Mike followed Jilli over to a round table in a small, out of the way corner. “Good morning, Jilli, Mike,” Sonia beamed. “Is beautiful day, da?” Ah, so that’s where the sun went. Sonia had stolen it all from the sky.

“Beautiful?” Mike glanced out the long, thin windows to the vaguely miserable skyline. “I don’t know about that, but whatever you...” He broke off as he turned back to see that Sonia was no longer looking at him. Instead, her gaze was drifting away towards an empty corner, her eyes glassy, as if trying to see something she couldn’t quite make out. “Uh, Sonia? Are you—?”

“It’s alright, she does that sometimes.” Jilli waved it off. “We told you about it yesterday, didn’t we?”

Mike nodded, remembering. “That’s right, you did. Is she gonna be okay?”

“She’ll be fine,” rumbled a deep voice as Gil came up behind them. He put his hands on her shoulders. “Sonia?” He whispered, and her eyes fluttered a bit as she focused again.

“Oh, Gil,” she smiled again. “Good morning. I apologize,” Sonia bowed her head towards Mike and Jilli. “I was just, uh...” she looked confused herself. “Never mind.”

“Clearly, it was a spirit attempting to contact you from beyond the mortal realm.” Gil said sagely, placing himself in the chair next to her with that smooth, nearly catlike way which he did most things. “You must remember that you are most sensitive to these things, my lady. I will do some research in my Tomes of Knowledge and we shall see if we can communicate with it.”

“You really think it’s possible?” Sonia’s eyes widened. “Ooo, I can’t wait! I am wondering what kind of spirit it is? Perhaps a Viking! Great warrior with magic sword!”

Gil nodded. “Indeed. The possibilities are endless.”

Mike couldn’t help noticing how his smile fell half an inch, but at that moment, Jilli turned to him, raising an eyebrow, and they laughed silently as Gil and Sonia kept up their dialogue.

One by one, they went to get breakfast, and Mike couldn’t help noticing the gathering of faceless men and women in lab coats that were surrounding the perimeter of the room. They must have been the psychiatrists that Jilli was talking about. By the time the cafeteria was mostly full, there must have been a good ten to fifteen of them. Mike didn’t like it; they gave him the heebie-jeebies. But none of the others seemed particularly disturbed by their presence, so he tried to ignore the growing feeling of unease in his gut.

Just as Jilli got back to the table with a plateful of fruit and waffles, one of the psychiatrists moved to the platform on the far side of the room. The students quickly fell silent, so much so that you could have heard a pin drop. “And now,” the psychiatrist said, “a word from the Director.”

There was a crackle, and a burst of static that reverberated around the room. Mike looked up to follow the noise, and saw for the first time the speakers perched in the upper corners of the room. A strange noise came through suddenly, like someone clearing their throat, but he couldn’t quite tell because it sounded so distorted.

“Good morning, students. The new semester is here at last.” The voice boomed across the room, altered by static and modulation, but decidedly female. Probably something about its tone and inflections, Mike decided. “To those now joining us, welcome to St. Adelaide’s. To those old faces, welcome back to your home away from home.”

Jilli scoffed, and even Gil rolled his eyes. Sonia, on the other hand, had zoned out again.

Mike didn’t like this. The voice sounded pleasant enough, but there was something about it, something Mike couldn’t quite put his finger on. There were shivers running up and down his spine.

“Remember that you are all the most gifted students in the country, possibly the world, and we look to you all as the hope of the future. And it anyone has any concerns, questions, or snide remarks, feel free to talk to the friendly men and women in lab coats. They are here to help.”

The Director continued on for a few minutes, mentioning a few other events and announcements relevant to the student body at large, before finally wrapping up her address. “Thank you as always for your patience,” she said, “and enjoy your first day of the new semester.”

With another small crackle, the speakers fell silent, and gradually the students began to converse once more. “Well,” Mike muttered, “that wasn’t ominous at all.”

Jilli and Sonia both began to laugh. “Do not worry,” Sonia reassured him. “You will become used to it after a while.”

“I’m not sure I want to.” He frowned. “It all seems a little ‘Big Brother’ to me.”

“What sort of daemonic older brother do you have?” Gil asked, looking horrified.

Jilli sighed. “1984, Gil.”

He blinked. “Ah, yes. Of course. My apologies.”

The four continued talking as they ate breakfast, which if Mike was honest, was not very good. The texture of Aunt Marma’s Totally Genuine Maple Syrup™ stuck to the roof of his mouth. Finally, Jilli looked up at the clock and saw the time.

“Well,” she stretched, “first period begins soon. What’ve you got, Mike?”

“Uh...” he pulled out the slightly crumpled piece of paper from his pocket which had his schedule. “Ugh, Algebra II.”

“What instructor have you been assigned to?” Gil asked.

“Vantas,” Mike added after looking back at the paper.

Gil nodded, a determined expression settling into his pale features. “Then this is a battle we share, my friend. If you would have it, I would accompany you to our battlefield.”

As he blinked, Mike wasn’t sure he’d gotten a word of that. “Uh...”

“He has the same class,” Sonia translated. “He wants to know if you want to walk there together.”

“Thank you, my lady.” Gil bowed his head as he took her hand. “That was my question exactly.”

“Oh, um, sure! Thanks.”

Jilli stood, grabbing her trey. “Well, Sonia and I are off to choir, see you losers later.” She waved. “Oh, and Mike, tell Doug hi for me if you see him, yeah?”

“Will do,” he nodded, standing as well.

“You coming, Sonia?”

“I will catch up with you in few,” she smiled, before beginning to zone out again.

Gil’s gaze seemed to linger on her for a moment before he shook himself. “Come, young apprentice,” he said to Mike, his coat swishing dramatically as he began to walk. “The battle of mathematics awaits us.”

Mike would have probably gotten lost in the crowd had it not been for the fact that Gil stood out like a sore thumb. Students seemed to give him space wherever he walked. He didn’t seem to mind. Gradually, as the crowd broke away into the various directions of their classes, Mike was able to hear himself think again. Gil was silent a few steps ahead of him, seemingly lost in thought. Mike wondered just what went on in his head. He seemed like a really smart guy, so why did he persist in his delusions? Did he honestly believe that he was a warlock with infinite power? Or was there some other reason? Mike didn’t think he had the guts to outright ask him.

“So, Sonia,” he asked instead. That was what guys talked about, right? “Are you two—?”

“Our love transcends time and space,” he intoned. “I have loved her for four-thousand years, and I will love her for four-thousand more.”

“So, it’s complicated, huh?” Mike didn’t know what to say to this guy. He felt like he was stuck in the middle of a role-playing game with method actors.

There was almost no one in the hallway anymore, and Mike was sure he’d seen that motivational cat poster just a second ago. This place was like a maze. “Hey Gil,” he asked. “Are you sure we’re going the right...?”

Gil looked to the left and the right, then abruptly turned on his heel to face Mike. “A warning for you, Michael Miller.” His golden eye almost seemed to freeze Mike in place. “Your wariness of this place is not unwarranted. Don’t ignore your intuition. It may just save your life.” He wasn’t joking. “There are forces at work in this school that will attempt to pull your very being apart. I’ve been affected by it, Sonia, that ignoramus you call a roommate, all of us have. If I were you, I’d watch where you step.” It was not a threat, more like a warning. Gil seemed genuinely worried. And for a moment, Mike thought that he might actually understand what he was trying to say.

But the second passed as quickly as it came, and Gild grinned knowingly once more. “Now, on to slay this dragon built of overly complicated equations.” He started walking again, laughing manically, and after hesitating for a moment, Mike followed him.

Needless to say, he didn’t pay any attention during class that day as teachers handed out syllabi and repeated the same information over and over until Mike thought he’d never forget that three absences equaled a tardy. But he had too many questions running through his mind to care about any of that. He had had this lingering feeling that something was strange here, off even, except that everyone around him seemed so used to it that he thought he might be the weird one. “Don’t ignore your intuition,” Gill had told him.

But wait, why was he listening to Gil? He was delusional! It was probably just one of his wizard roleplaying things again. Yet something about what he’d said, the look in his eyes, the sincerity of his words. Gil had known what he was talking about. That hadn’t been some sort of weird fantasy metaphor, Mike could somehow tell. He was right, something was wrong here, Mike could feel it. And he thought the others could too, even if they didn’t talk about it.

There were so many mysteries, so many questions left unanswered. Mike decided to make a list. That would help him organize his thoughts.

1). Who was the Director? Yes, she was a crazy, modulated voice over a speaker system, but why? Why bother hiding her face and voice from the student body? It certainly made her intimidating and slightly creepy, but wasn’t enough of a reason by itself.

2). The psychiatrists. He didn’t know of any other school that needed ten of them. And the explanation of “rich kid school” simply didn’t cut it. To be honest, they seemed more like a security force than a group of doctors.

3). Why was everyone here so weird? Not just in their personalities, though the school was nearly stranger than a superhero’s rogue’s gallery in that respect. But more so in the way everyone seemed so nonplussed about all of these other questions Mike had. They didn’t care about the psychiatrists, or the Director, or the other host of strange things. Or maybe they were just really good at hiding it. And finally,

4). Doug. What the hell were they doing to him in his “sessions” that made him act like that? He’d hardly been able to walk properly. In addition, though he hadn’t really known him for that long, it seemed entirely out of Doug’s character to not talk to anybody about it. Most importantly, why was everyone not harassing him about it non-stop until he gave in and told them what was going on? That was the only way that they could help him, after all.

Maybe these questions wouldn’t be so confusing after he’d been here for a few months, but to be honest, he didn’t want to become numb to the strangeness like everyone else. He couldn’t handle not knowing these things. And if no one was going to help him, then he guessed that he’d just have to find the answers himself.

Of all the questions he had, one stuck out as the easiest to answer: Doug. He also had the distinct feeling that if he answered this one question, then all the others would begin to fall into place. Like dominos.

The rest of the day passed slower than paint drying, all of the thoughts and confusion cycling through his mind every time he saw a lab coat pass, especially whenever the students turned away from them. Finally, classes were done for the day, the final bell rang, and according to his schedule there was an hour before dinner. So Mike headed back across the snowy path to the dorm. Maybe Doug would be feeling better by now. Either way he needed to drop off his backpack, which was as good an excuse as any.

The light was on in the room, Mike could see it in the wide gap in the bottom of the door from the end of the hallway. At the very least, Doug was up. Mike didn’t know if he had known him for long enough to just knock on his door, but he ended up being lucky. When he pushed open the heavy door, Mike turned to see Doug at the bathroom mirror, trying in vain to smooth down his hair. He hadn’t noticed this morning in the dark, but now Mike saw that Doug’s hair was now even more static-y and gravity-defying than it had been yesterday. His sweatshirt sleeves were pulled up to prevent them getting wet, and Mike couldn’t help noticing a strange, metallic bracelet on his right wrist as it caught the bathroom light.

“Oh, hey Mike,” Doug grinned lazily as he saw him though the mirror. His speech was still a little slow, but he seemed much more normal now. Or at least, normal for Doug anyway. “How was your first day of class? Want to jump off a bridge yet?”

He didn’t even know, but Mike decided not to open that can of worms just yet. Maybe just peek inside the lid. “Almost,” he nodded instead. “Maybe give it another day.” Alright, now was the time. “Hey, so what happened last night? You were in really late.”

Doug paused for a second, before rolling his sleeves back down and turning to properly face Mike. “I’m sure the others told you about my ‘sessions’ right? Jilli, I’m guessing.”

“Two for two.” Mike nodded.

Sighing, Doug shook his head. “Listen,” he began, “the last guy I told even a little about what really goes on in this place, he disappeared. Just gone from the dorm one day and never came back. I don’t want that to happen to you, or any of the others. The only reason I’m even telling you this much is because I know you’ll just keep asking about it if I don’t. You’re that kinda guy, right?”

Mike looked down sheepishly. There went his whole plan down the toilet. “That makes three. But if you tell us, maybe we can help you.”

Much to his surprise, Doug started laughing. Whatever the joke was, Mike didn’t get it. “Your optimism is admirable,” Doug admitted. “But in this case, optimism alone won’t cut it. If I tell you not to go asking questions you’ll probably just do it anyway, so I’ll say this instead: keep your head down, Mike. That’s the only way you’ll get out of this place alive.”

He began to scoot past him towards the door. “Now, I hear that Jilli and the nerds are playing a rousing game of Dungeons and Dragons. So I’m gonna go crash it. If you want to come along, first one in gets to make the wizard cry.”

As he watched Doug wheel himself out of the room, Mike hesitated. That was the second vague warning he’d received today, and Mike wasn’t sure whose advice to follow. Doug told him to keep his head down, but Gil had told him to trust his intuition, which in turn was telling him to start asking questions and solving mysteries.

As much as Doug warned him against it, Mike really wanted to help him, and part of him couldn’t ignore the weirdness of this place. So, okay, he guessed he’d step carefully, but that didn’t mean he had to stop asking questions.

“Yeah,” he grinned at Doug, who was waiting in the doorway. “Let’s do it. I’ve always wanted to make a paladin fall.”

[heliosfinance]

If You’re Smart Enough to Retire Early, You’re Smart Enough to Figure Out The Future

Whenever I see gobs of hate hit our blog here, I know for a fact it’s been picked up in the media lately and people for some reason feel the need to go out of their way to spread the nastiness…

Such was the case the other week when one of Mr 1500’s posts got picked up by Business Insider and over 200,000+ people viewed it. (In case you’re missing him here btw, I do too! But scroll down to the bottom to see how you can get more of him while he’s on break here ;)).

Here was my favorite comment that trickled down to our blog from it:

You are an idiot! Buying nice cars (and kites) will leave you with little money in a few years. 1.9 million dollars is really not that much money and will not last a lifetime. Your advice is hopeful at best. My advice to you, go back to work and save more money.

I always laugh at these because first of all, you have to assume that anyone leaving comments such as these must be multi-millionaires and thus speak from experience, right? (Hah!) And secondly, how do random people on the internet even know how much your daily expenses are anyways? The key ingredient to financial freedom?

I’m just waiting for someone one day to say “you know what? You are completely right! Let me dust off the resume and get back to work again because my life totally sucks! Thanks for saving me!” Haha…

Here’s the thing: if you’re smart enough to retire early, you’re smart enough to figure out how to live for the rest of your life.

You’ve already done the hardest part! You hit your early retirement number! And we all know damn well that “retirement” really isn’t “retirement” for folks in our community anyways… What blogger, or early retiree, do you know who  just lays around all day wasting away their lives?

(Answer: no one)

If you’ve figured out how to get – and keep! – millions of dollars for yourself, and certainly by your 20s/30s/40s, you’ve earned the right to do whatever the $hit you please in life. Whether that’s to keep working for more or just completely change your life.

Plus, a million dollars, or in this case $1.9 Million dollars, is still $1.9 MILLION FREAKIN’ DOLLARS! Maybe *you* can’t live off that much, Mr. Hater Pants , but you ask anyone off the streets if they think $2 Mil is a lot of money and I guarantee you’ll get more Hell Yes’s than you would No’s.

I’m so confident, in fact, that I’ll gladly give you MY $0.6 Million dollars if I’m wrong ;)

So sure, the future is never known and the money may or may not last for your entire lives because of health insurance and the stock bubble and yada yada yada, but if you’ve managed to stack a couple of million in your lifetime already, I guarantee you’ll be just fine later regardless of whether your plan works out perfectly or not.

And btw – this applies to anyone who has saved $10,000 or $100,000 or whatever too. Not on the retirement side, of course (def. no way to live off that ;)) but you should certainly be PROUD of how far you’ve come and know that you’re well on your way to financial freedom yourselves if you keep going strong. No matter what the outside world tells you. And we all know the first $100,000 is the hardest anyways, so once you cross that barrier things just get turbocharged!

Here’s another gem we received on the blog lately about our friends who retired off a million dollars and started traveling the world at 30 years old:

Amazing how a posting like this gets encouragement from complete strangers thinking their accomplishment is cool, lets see how they help when sh. hits the fan if they still post their problems, wake up people, it’s the journey, not the finish line.

Grammar aside, I find it hilarious that he/she? mentions the “journey,” considering these guys are literally journeying around enjoying life and *not* chasing the “finish line” haha… And again – these guys have literally saved over a MILLION dollars! Why not see if you can  live off it for the rest of your lives? If it doesn’t work out you go back and get a job or do whatever it takes, right?

If you’re smart enough to hit your FIRE number, you’re smart enough to manage the ups and downs of life. I think I’ll just copy and paste that forever and ever in response to all the future haters here, haha…

Point is – our community will, and always has, stood for positivity and *encouragement* on this blog here.

You’re free to voice any concern and opinion as you’d like, but I hope you know it’s a judgement-free and safe zone here, and that we’ll never go out of our way to tear you down or anything.

Whenever you see randos stirring up trouble here, you’ll know exactly where they came from – the outside world ;)

And speaking of community, if you’re gonna be in the Dallas, TX area next Friday, October 27th, make sure to come out and meet me and hundreds of your other favorite $$$ bloggers too!

Our financial blogging conference (FinCon) is opening up a half day for the public to come out and get their money on, and there will be tons of great speakers and fun going down for anyone who wants to meet us. David Bach from Automatic Millionaire fame will be there, Farnoosh Torabi will be there, Lynnette Khalfani-Cox will be there, (J. Money will be there!! Did I mention that?), and then special guest – and rapper – Dee-1 will even be there to put on a show for us.

You might remember him from the hit songs, “Sallie Mae Back” and “No Car Note” – both of which are perfect to blare whenever your debt-ridden friends are around ;)

Here’s the No Care Note one – you’ll like it:

More info about the event here (tickets only $39) –> yourmoney.live

So yeah – I hope to see some of you there! Just make sure to look for the ‘hawk so we can meet up :)

To positive journeys,

******* PS: One last hilarious hater that recently came out – Robert T. Kiyosaki of “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” fame! He thought it would be fun to call Mr. 1500 a “loser” the other week, and so of course Mr. 1500 had to blog about it, haha… you can see that article here if you can’t get enough of this stuff. Good times…

If You’re Smart Enough to Retire Early, You’re Smart Enough to Figure Out The Future published first on http://ift.tt/2ljLF4B

[fesahaawit]

If You’re Smart Enough to Retire Early, You’re Smart Enough to Figure Out The Rest of Your Life

Whenever I see gobs of hate hit our blog here, I know for a fact it’s been picked up in the media lately and people for some reason feel the need to go out of their way to spread the nastiness…

Such was the case the other week when one of Mr 1500’s posts got picked up by Business Insider and over 200,000+ people viewed it. (In case you’re missing him here btw, I do too! But scroll down to the bottom to see how you can get more of him while he’s on break here ;)).

Here was my favorite comment that trickled down to our blog from it:

You are an idiot! Buying nice cars (and kites) will leave you with little money in a few years. 1.9 million dollars is really not that much money and will not last a lifetime. Your advice is hopeful at best. My advice to you, go back to work and save more money.

I always laugh at these because first of all, you have to assume that anyone leaving comments such as these must be multi-millionaires and thus speak from experience, right? (Hah!) And secondly, how do random people on the internet even know how much your daily expenses are anyways? The key ingredient to financial freedom?

I’m just waiting for someone one day to say “you know what? You are completely right! Let me dust off the resume and get back to work again because my life totally sucks! Thanks for saving me!” Haha…

Here’s the thing: if you’re smart enough to retire early, you’re smart enough to figure out how to live for the rest of your life.

You’ve already done the hardest part! You hit your early retirement number!to And we all know damn well that “retirement” really isn’t “retirement” for folks in our community anyways… What blogger, or early retiree, do you know who  just lays around all day wasting away their lives?

(Answer: no one)

If you’ve figured out how to get – and keep! – millions of dollars for yourself, and certainly by your 20s/30s/40s, you’ve earned the right to do whatever the $hit you please in life. Whether that’s to keep working for more or just completely change your life.

Plus, a million dollars, or in this case $1.9 Million dollars, is still $1.9 MILLION FREAKIN’ DOLLARS! Maybe *you* can’t live off that much, Mr. Hater Pants , but you ask any one off the streets if they think $2 Mil is a lot of money and I guarantee you’ll get more Hell Yes’s than you would No’s.

I’m so confident, in fact, that I’ll gladly give you MY $0.6 Million dollars if I’m wrong ;)

So sure, the future is never known and the money may or may not last for your entire lives because of health insurance and the stock bubble and yada yada yada, but if you’ve managed to stack a couple of million in your lifetime already, I guarantee you’ll be just fine later regardless of whether your plan works out perfectly or not.

And btw – this applies to anyone who has saved $10,000 or $100,000 or whatever too. Not on the retirement side, of course (def. no way to live off that ;)) but you should certainly be PROUD of how far you’ve come and know that you’re well on your way to financial freedom yourselves if you keep going strong. No matter what the outside world tells you. And we all know the first $100,000 is the hardest anyways, so once you cross that barrier things just get turbocharged!

Here’s another gem we received on the blog lately about our friends who retired off a million dollars and started traveling the world at 30 years old:

Amazing how a posting like this gets encouragement from complete strangers thinking their accomplishment is cool, lets see how they help when sh. hits the fan if they still post their problems, wake up people, it’s the journey, not the finish line.

Grammar aside, I find it hilarious that he/she? mentions the “journey,” considering these guys are literally journeying around enjoying life and *not* chasing the “finish line” haha… And again – these guys have literally saved over a MILLION dollars! Why not see if you can  live off it for the rest of your lives? If it doesn’t work out you go back and get a job or do whatever it takes, right?

If you’re smart enough to hit your FIRE number, you’re smart enough to manage the ups and downs of life. I think I’ll just copy and paste that forever and ever in response to all the future haters here, haha…

Point is – our community will, and always has, stood for positivity and *encouragement* on this blog here.

You’re free to voice any concern and opinion as you’d like, but I hope you know it’s a judgement-free and safe zone here, and that we’ll never go out of our way to tear you down or anything.

Whenever you see randos stirring up trouble here, you’ll know exactly where they came from – the outside world ;)

And speaking of community, if you’re gonna be in the Dallas, TX area next Friday, October 27th, make sure to come out and meet me and hundreds of your other favorite $$$ bloggers too!

Our financial blogging conference (FinCon) is opening up a half day for the public to come out and get their money on, and there will be tons of great speakers and fun going down for anyone who wants to meet us. David Bach from Automatic Millionaire fame will be there, Farnoosh Torabi will be there, Lynnette Khalfani-Cox will be there, (J. Money will be there!! Did I mention that?), and then special guest – and rapper – Dee-1 will even be there to put on a show for us.

You might remember him from the hit songs, “Sallie Mae Back” and “No Car Note” – both of which are perfect to blare whenever your debt-ridden friends are around ;)

Here’s the No Care Note one – you’ll like it:

More info about the event here (tickets only $39) –> yourmoney.live

So yeah – I hope to see some of you there! Just make sure to look for the ‘hawk so we can meet up :)

To positive journeys,

******* PS: One last hilarious hater that recently came out – Robert T. Kiyosaki of “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” fame! He thought it would be fun to call Mr. 1500 a “loser” the other week, and so of course Mr. 1500 had to blog about it, haha… you can see that article here if you can’t get enough of this stuff. Good times…

If You’re Smart Enough to Retire Early, You’re Smart Enough to Figure Out The Rest of Your Life posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[heliosfinance]

If You’re Smart Enough to Retire Early, You’re Smart Enough to Figure Out The Future

Whenever I see gobs of hate hit our blog here, I know for a fact it’s been picked up in the media lately and people for some reason feel the need to go out of their way to spread the nastiness…

Such was the case the other week when one of Mr 1500’s posts got picked up by Business Insider and over 200,000+ people viewed it. (In case you’re missing him here btw, I do too! But scroll down to the bottom to see how you can get more of him while he’s on break here ;)).

Here was my favorite comment that trickled down to our blog from it:

You are an idiot! Buying nice cars (and kites) will leave you with little money in a few years. 1.9 million dollars is really not that much money and will not last a lifetime. Your advice is hopeful at best. My advice to you, go back to work and save more money.

I always laugh at these because first of all, you have to assume that anyone leaving comments such as these must be multi-millionaires and thus speak from experience, right? (Hah!) And secondly, how do random people on the internet even know how much your daily expenses are anyways? The key ingredient to financial freedom?

I’m just waiting for someone one day to say “you know what? You are completely right! Let me dust off the resume and get back to work again because my life totally sucks! Thanks for saving me!” Haha…

Here’s the thing: if you’re smart enough to retire early, you’re smart enough to figure out how to live for the rest of your life.

You’ve already done the hardest part! You hit your early retirement number! And we all know damn well that “retirement” really isn’t “retirement” for folks in our community anyways… What blogger, or early retiree, do you know who  just lays around all day wasting away their lives?

(Answer: no one)

If you’ve figured out how to get – and keep! – millions of dollars for yourself, and certainly by your 20s/30s/40s, you’ve earned the right to do whatever the $hit you please in life. Whether that’s to keep working for more or just completely change your life.

Plus, a million dollars, or in this case $1.9 Million dollars, is still $1.9 MILLION FREAKIN’ DOLLARS! Maybe *you* can’t live off that much, Mr. Hater Pants , but you ask anyone off the streets if they think $2 Mil is a lot of money and I guarantee you’ll get more Hell Yes’s than you would No’s.

I’m so confident, in fact, that I’ll gladly give you MY $0.6 Million dollars if I’m wrong ;)

So sure, the future is never known and the money may or may not last for your entire lives because of health insurance and the stock bubble and yada yada yada, but if you’ve managed to stack a couple of million in your lifetime already, I guarantee you’ll be just fine later regardless of whether your plan works out perfectly or not.

And btw – this applies to anyone who has saved $10,000 or $100,000 or whatever too. Not on the retirement side, of course (def. no way to live off that ;)) but you should certainly be PROUD of how far you’ve come and know that you’re well on your way to financial freedom yourselves if you keep going strong. No matter what the outside world tells you. And we all know the first $100,000 is the hardest anyways, so once you cross that barrier things just get turbocharged!

Here’s another gem we received on the blog lately about our friends who retired off a million dollars and started traveling the world at 30 years old:

Amazing how a posting like this gets encouragement from complete strangers thinking their accomplishment is cool, lets see how they help when sh. hits the fan if they still post their problems, wake up people, it’s the journey, not the finish line.

Grammar aside, I find it hilarious that he/she? mentions the “journey,” considering these guys are literally journeying around enjoying life and *not* chasing the “finish line” haha… And again – these guys have literally saved over a MILLION dollars! Why not see if you can  live off it for the rest of your lives? If it doesn’t work out you go back and get a job or do whatever it takes, right?

If you’re smart enough to hit your FIRE number, you’re smart enough to manage the ups and downs of life. I think I’ll just copy and paste that forever and ever in response to all the future haters here, haha…

Point is – our community will, and always has, stood for positivity and *encouragement* on this blog here.

You’re free to voice any concern and opinion as you’d like, but I hope you know it’s a judgement-free and safe zone here, and that we’ll never go out of our way to tear you down or anything.

Whenever you see randos stirring up trouble here, you’ll know exactly where they came from – the outside world ;)

And speaking of community, if you’re gonna be in the Dallas, TX area next Friday, October 27th, make sure to come out and meet me and hundreds of your other favorite $$$ bloggers too!

Our financial blogging conference (FinCon) is opening up a half day for the public to come out and get their money on, and there will be tons of great speakers and fun going down for anyone who wants to meet us. David Bach from Automatic Millionaire fame will be there, Farnoosh Torabi will be there, Lynnette Khalfani-Cox will be there, (J. Money will be there!! Did I mention that?), and then special guest – and rapper – Dee-1 will even be there to put on a show for us.

You might remember him from the hit songs, “Sallie Mae Back” and “No Car Note” – both of which are perfect to blare whenever your debt-ridden friends are around ;)

Here’s the No Care Note one – you’ll like it:

More info about the event here (tickets only $39) –> yourmoney.live

So yeah – I hope to see some of you there! Just make sure to look for the ‘hawk so we can meet up :)

To positive journeys,

******* PS: One last hilarious hater that recently came out – Robert T. Kiyosaki of “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” fame! He thought it would be fun to call Mr. 1500 a “loser” the other week, and so of course Mr. 1500 had to blog about it, haha… you can see that article here if you can’t get enough of this stuff. Good times…

If You’re Smart Enough to Retire Early, You’re Smart Enough to Figure Out The Future published first on http://ift.tt/2ljLF4B

[heliosfinance]

If You’re Smart Enough to Retire Early, You’re Smart Enough to Figure Out The Rest of Your Life

Whenever I see gobs of hate hit our blog here, I know for a fact it’s been picked up in the media lately and people for some reason feel the need to go out of their way to spread the nastiness…

Such was the case the other week when one of Mr 1500’s posts got picked up by Business Insider and over 200,000+ people viewed it. (In case you’re missing him here btw, I do too! But scroll down to the bottom to see how you can get more of him while he’s on break here ;)).

Here was my favorite comment that trickled down to our blog from it:

You are an idiot! Buying nice cars (and kites) will leave you with little money in a few years. 1.9 million dollars is really not that much money and will not last a lifetime. Your advice is hopeful at best. My advice to you, go back to work and save more money.

I always laugh at these because first of all, you have to assume that anyone leaving comments such as these must be multi-millionaires and thus speak from experience, right? (Hah!) And secondly, how do random people on the internet even know how much your daily expenses are anyways? The key ingredient to financial freedom?

I’m just waiting for someone one day to say “you know what? You are completely right! Let me dust off the resume and get back to work again because my life totally sucks! Thanks for saving me!” Haha…

Here’s the thing: if you’re smart enough to retire early, you’re smart enough to figure out how to live for the rest of your life.

You’ve already done the hardest part! You hit your early retirement number!to And we all know damn well that “retirement” really isn’t “retirement” for folks in our community anyways… What blogger, or early retiree, do you know who  just lays around all day wasting away their lives?

(Answer: no one)

If you’ve figured out how to get – and keep! – millions of dollars for yourself, and certainly by your 20s/30s/40s, you’ve earned the right to do whatever the $hit you please in life. Whether that’s to keep working for more or just completely change your life.

Plus, a million dollars, or in this case $1.9 Million dollars, is still $1.9 MILLION FREAKIN’ DOLLARS! Maybe *you* can’t live off that much, Mr. Hater Pants , but you ask any one off the streets if they think $2 Mil is a lot of money and I guarantee you’ll get more Hell Yes’s than you would No’s.

I’m so confident, in fact, that I’ll gladly give you MY $0.6 Million dollars if I’m wrong ;)

So sure, the future is never known and the money may or may not last for your entire lives because of health insurance and the stock bubble and yada yada yada, but if you’ve managed to stack a couple of million in your lifetime already, I guarantee you’ll be just fine later regardless of whether your plan works out perfectly or not.

And btw – this applies to anyone who has saved $10,000 or $100,000 or whatever too. Not on the retirement side, of course (def. no way to live off that ;)) but you should certainly be PROUD of how far you’ve come and know that you’re well on your way to financial freedom yourselves if you keep going strong. No matter what the outside world tells you. And we all know the first $100,000 is the hardest anyways, so once you cross that barrier things just get turbocharged!

Here’s another gem we received on the blog lately about our friends who retired off a million dollars and started traveling the world at 30 years old:

Amazing how a posting like this gets encouragement from complete strangers thinking their accomplishment is cool, lets see how they help when sh. hits the fan if they still post their problems, wake up people, it’s the journey, not the finish line.

Grammar aside, I find it hilarious that he/she? mentions the “journey,” considering these guys are literally journeying around enjoying life and *not* chasing the “finish line” haha… And again – these guys have literally saved over a MILLION dollars! Why not see if you can  live off it for the rest of your lives? If it doesn’t work out you go back and get a job or do whatever it takes, right?

If you’re smart enough to hit your FIRE number, you’re smart enough to manage the ups and downs of life. I think I’ll just copy and paste that forever and ever in response to all the future haters here, haha…

Point is – our community will, and always has, stood for positivity and *encouragement* on this blog here.

You’re free to voice any concern and opinion as you’d like, but I hope you know it’s a judgement-free and safe zone here, and that we’ll never go out of our way to tear you down or anything.

Whenever you see randos stirring up trouble here, you’ll know exactly where they came from – the outside world ;)

And speaking of community, if you’re gonna be in the Dallas, TX area next Friday, October 27th, make sure to come out and meet me and hundreds of your other favorite $$$ bloggers too!

Our financial blogging conference (FinCon) is opening up a half day for the public to come out and get their money on, and there will be tons of great speakers and fun going down for anyone who wants to meet us. David Bach from Automatic Millionaire fame will be there, Farnoosh Torabi will be there, Lynnette Khalfani-Cox will be there, (J. Money will be there!! Did I mention that?), and then special guest – and rapper – Dee-1 will even be there to put on a show for us.

You might remember him from the hit songs, “Sallie Mae Back” and “No Car Note” – both of which are perfect to blare whenever your debt-ridden friends are around ;)

Here’s the No Care Note one – you’ll like it:

More info about the event here (tickets only $39) –> yourmoney.live

So yeah – I hope to see some of you there! Just make sure to look for the ‘hawk so we can meet up :)

To positive journeys,

******* PS: One last hilarious hater that recently came out – Robert T. Kiyosaki of “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” fame! He thought it would be fun to call Mr. 1500 a “loser” the other week, and so of course Mr. 1500 had to blog about it, haha… you can see that article here if you can’t get enough of this stuff. Good times…

If You’re Smart Enough to Retire Early, You’re Smart Enough to Figure Out The Rest of Your Life published first on http://ift.tt/2ljLF4B