#he got beat sensless by many adults and im sure it was easier for the adults when they didnt view him as human or a child

[boarcide]

Anon mentioned the panel of Akutagawa holding his friend's frozen corpse, and I can see why. The one hand against their pulse and the other one holding their shoulder almost looks like a hug. Like he's carefully holding them close, probably already aware they've passed in their sleep rather than trying to shake them awake in desperation. It's far from animalistic--it's tender. It's human. And I think when holding a dead loved one with your hands, with the understanding that your friend died next to you while you both slept, that you were in a close proximity to death itself--the only logical way you can confront that is by through a disconnect from grief. I don't think anger, or sadness, or even a clinical detachment would allow you to hold somebody like that. It's love and it's grief even if it's all forcibly shoved down because he has other people to take care of.

I have so many thoughts about how Akutagawa was so painfully tender with not just Gin but with the friends he cared about. In the events up until they got ambushed and killed, Akutagawa had shown his affection and care in the only way he knew how; making sure they stayed safe by any means necessary. He maimed an adult because the adult held his friends hostage with a knife to his neck and threatened the others. He sat away from the fire they made so that the rest of the group could huddle closer for warmth. He made them pack up quickly so they could leave soon because it put them at risk to be caught--the mission he did with Kunikida revolving around Child Trafficking and the fact that he knew exactly what to look out for helps further imply he kept them safe from child traffickers. While violence as a first instinct makes you no more than an animal, I don't think there is anything more human than ensuring the safety and comfort of those you care for, especially above your own.

This entire thing about Akutagawa's perception of himself is more tragic when you think of this the exact same time you realize that the same people he took care of may have contributed to his belief of being less than human:

"He lived with them, eight or so companions in the same circumstances as he, in the fields.

They spoke ill of him, the boys and girls of his own age who were also his companions. Behind their hands, they whispered thus..."he has no feelings."

"...Many of the adults also murmured, "That devil's child has no heart."

I say that because Akutagawa makes a direct comparison between having emotions and being human.

"I feel hatred

I am no longer a dog.

I have become a human being, with feelings of my own."

Because BEAST only starts with Akutagawa's life at 14, when he meets Dazai--because the rest of it are just a glimpse, a summary to his rampage-- we don't actually know a lot about him. We don't know much of anything other than the brief glimpses that are revealed to us. Akutagawa was still a child. I'm sure it's not just a one time occurrence. I'm sure he's internalized the idea that he's somehow more akin to a dog or a beast because it's been hammered into him that he is anything but human. Children are rather perceptive but I doubt any adult bothered hiding their disdain of him. I doubt he came to the conclusion that he's like a dog because he can't emote or feel emotions like others do by himself.

The very opening in BEAST and the implications of The Heartless Cur about Akutagawa constantly stuck in a dissociated state as a child in the slums does incomprehensible levels of damage to my brain. Living in a state where you're always starving, always fighting for scraps, being beaten by adults, waking up next to dead friends, having to maim or potentially kill at such an early age, escaping from traffickers so often, etc. are all so horrific that it's no wonder why he was called a child without emotions. Having to experience the grief, pain, and terror as it comes and goes in his situation would be a kind of hell that would be impossible to survive. Part of his brain probably shut itself off to avoid any more pain and distress. I have so many thoughts about it. There is something extremely heartbreaking about how despite living completely dissociated from his emotions, and possibly pain --to the point that he stared off into empty space while being beaten, or couldn't even express enjoyment at warm meals-- his priority had always been taking care of and protecting Gin and his friends. The one panels where he (gently, i have to mention) holds his friend that had frozen to death in their sleep, and him cutting a man's arm off for harming his friends imply that he either had the responsibility or took it upon himself to deal with the difficult and dangerous stuff. I am in the trenches losing the idgaf war

Akutagawa, upon feeling rage and hatred for the first time, thinks, "I've gained the ability to feel. Therefore, I'm no longer a heartless cur." Implies that he probably didn't see himself as anymore human than anybody other adult, which, considering that is all he had been called, he probably internalized. His friends were capable of smiling and experiencing joy with each other and also capable of experiencing sadness too. Did he ever look at his friends having fun and think something was wrong with him to be unable to feel anything or express it if he did? How did he feel looking at his sister--his other half, the most important person - while trying his best to take care of her and be the best for her while not being all there? How does it affect him now? So many questions and I'm going insane about it. Sorry for dumping this onto you but I needed a victim

Anon, have mercy on me

I think that Gin is such an important part of Ryuunosuke's character exactly for that. It is impossible to transcend from it– if you forget about her, you're just failing to comprehend Ryuunosuke. Gin is literally the only factor that keeps Ryuunosuke human. We see him lash out and we see him howl and we see him being beaten up and we see him act with not an ounce of reason; for most of the story, we see nothing of Ryuunosuke but a rabid animal. But I think the moment he shows to truly care about Gin, that's the moment the reader starts perceiving him as human, as well as the moment we start feeling sympathy for him. Unexpectedly and unpredictably, he shows a side of him that isn't violent and bestial, a side of him that is caring, that is loving towards a family member, something that is easy to relate to; then, even him can be human. Even in the slums, even when everything else of him seems numb and detached and heartless, he still cared for his family first. He still made flowers with his ability and retaliated against anyone who mistreated his siblings. When one of his friends got hurt, he carried them on his back. When a dog killed his friend, he mercilessly slaughtered all the dogs in the vicinity. What's that, if not the only way someone who never knew anything but violence and pain has left to express love?

Of course Ryuunosuke had internalized his being not human, of course he believes that. Of course he's the first who considers himself a dog. But that's what makes Ryuunosuke's character development so meaningful, isn't it? Isn't that true that it wouldn't result as impactful if such a strong ability to hate and such a strong ability to love didn't come from a place of true incapacity to feel? It is, alright, a simplistic perspective, but Ryuunosuke's story really is the succession of quests that have him gain emotions, and with every new one he becomes a little more human, till he's reached the fulfillment of his being. Maybe love really is the ultimate thing that makes us human.