#he goes wild then fucking billie eilish kicks in !!!

[sar-vrs]

This WILL be my personality for the next week and I am not sorry for that.

[highladyluck]

Fortuona Athaem Devi Paendrag playlist

Direct link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5KLghlM9nCF1WLKBNoLt5z?si=b1e1d244810e4ae9

26 songs, 1 hr 23 min. A character playlist for Tuon Athaem Kore Paendrag, aka the High Lady, aka the Daughter of the Nine Moons, aka “Precious” but only if you’re Mat Cauthon, aka Fortuona Athaem Devi Paendrag, aka the Empress of Seanchan.

She’s a fascinating mixture of good and evil, person and tool, sympathetic and unsympathetic by turns. I tried to capture that in this playlist, which is organized roughly chronologically by her personal timeline.

There are spoilers in the playlist and commentary for Winter's Heart through A Memory of Light, since this is meant to mirror the narrative.

Track List:

1.      Second Child, Restless Child – The Oh Hellos

2.      Game of Survival – Ruelle

3.      Sit Still, Look Pretty – Daya

4.      When I Rule The World – LIZ

5.      Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival

6.      The Thief and the Moon – Shawn James

7.      Pomegranate Seeds – Julian Moon

8.      Zebra – The Magnetic Fields

9.      Jolene – Dolly Parton

10.   Maybe, This Time – OK Go

11.   Big Guns – Ruelle

12.   Fascinated – Ivy

13.   The Bullpen – Dessa

14.   Pretty Little Head – Eliza Rickman

15.   Greek God – Conan Gray

16.   Emperor’s New Clothes – Panic! At The Disco

17.   Rat Queen – The Mountain Goats

18.   Carmina Burana: O Fortuna – Carl Orff

19.   you should see me in a crown – Billie Eilish

20.   Muse with a Dagger – Taylor Castro

21.   Please Don’t Say You Love Me – Gabrielle Aplin

22.   Daisy – Ashnikko

23.   Mother’s Daughter – Miley Cyrus

24.   I Walk The Line – Halsey

25.   Glory and Gore – Lorde

26.   Trouble – Stripped – Halsey

Commentary and lyrics underneath the cut. Listen to it here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5KLghlM9nCF1WLKBNoLt5z?si=b1e1d244810e4ae9

1)      Second Child, Restless Child – The Oh Hellos

See, I was born the second child With a spirit running wild, running free

The Empress’s second child, the only one who goes across the ocean.

2)      Game of Survival – Ruelle

Are we the hunters? Or are we the prey?

"Keep this doll to remind you that I will always hear you if you say my name. If I am still alive, of course."

3)      Sit Still, Look Pretty – Daya

Oh, I don't know what you've been told But this girl right here's gonna rule the world Yeah, that's where I'm gonna be because I wanna be No, I don't wanna sit still, look pretty

Tuon wishes she looked more intimidating, and threw a full-blown temper tantrum when she was told who she’d have to marry.

4)      When I Rule The World – LIZ

When I rule the world, then I'm gonna make you sweat Dog collar 'round your neck, on your knees and scrub the deck

I promise I didn't forget about the sul'dam thing. This should be as jarring as her initial POV in Winter's Heart is.

5)      Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival

I see the bad moon a-rising I see trouble on the way I see earthquakes and lightnin' I see bad times today

Such a good “Seanchan invade Ebou Dar” song! I definitely stole this from someone else’s Mat playlist, but I don’t think it’s on 8tracks anymore.

6)      The Thief and the Moon – Shawn James

Said the Thief to the Moon "I'll extinguish your light soon I'll put an end to all the light that you shed On this world in its darkened state"

I can imagine this as a Seanchan myth; covers Tuon's opinion on her prophecy & getting kidnapped.

7)      Pomegranate Seeds – Julian Moon

Kore, Kore, fauna and flora How did you get your throne? (Hey!) You made a deal You traded daffodils For a kingdom of ash and bone

Had to sneak in a reference to Tuon's middle name. Tuon's POV on her bargain with Mat.

8)      Zebra – The Magnetic Fields

so there's one thing I crave when my days become ho-hum and blah I want a zebra

Took this from my Mat/Tuon book playlist because it is truly the funniest song on there. It's a zebra in our hearts!

9)      Jolene – Dolly Parton

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene I'm begging of you please don't take my man

This is very tongue-in-cheek, but at the same time, if you pay attention you can see that Tuon's particularly annoyed by/threatened by Joline Maza.

10)   Maybe, This Time – OK Go

So listen, I'm not trying to prove anything at all here But don't you think that maybe, this time, you were wrong?

Mat to Tuon after confiscating the a'dam from her.

11)   Big Guns – Ruelle

Every little move is fixed Like a game of chess The blood on your hands is thick And you're placing bets Can't hide in the den of lions

A really perfect song for Tuon's 'lion on the high plains' realization; I know technically Mat doesn't have cannon or grenades yet, but shhhh, the rapid-fire crossbows are more or less machine guns. Let me have this. Call it foreshadowing if you must.

12)   Fascinated – Ivy

Never turned out like we talked about Never could tell how to read your mind Never found out what you're all about In this lifetime, baby, you will be mine

Tuon's POV on the marriage ceremony.

13)   The Bullpen – Dessa

Forget the bull in the china shop There's a china doll in the bullpen

Returning to Ebou Dar to kick ass and take heads. This was the song that made me create this playlist, because of "china doll in the bullpen," which is such a great description of Tuon.

14)   Pretty Little Head – Eliza Rickman

Catch yourself a looker, let him go, go, go Wanna have your baby, but I'm so, so slow

Tuon misses Mat, but don’t you dare breathe a word about it. Besides, it’s just business.

15)   Greek God – Conan Gray

And since you always swear that you wanted me gone Then why don't you go get your gun? 'Cause you don't really hate me (You're a little baby) You don't wanna end me (You wanna befriend me)

The Tuon vs Rand confrontation (take two, where Tuon's actually there.) Rand has quite enough confidence, really, but most of the song really works.

16)   Emperor’s New Clothes – Panic! At The Disco

Welcome to the end of eras Ice has melted back to life Done my time and served my sentence Dress me up and watch me die

Declaring herself Empress after meeting with Rand.

17)   Rat Queen – The Mountain Goats

We who have never once tasted The stench of defeat Victory sweet as the dregs of the fast food dumpster Look how they jump when we show up Like they've just seen a monster

H/T to @anyboli, who first suggested this to me as a Tuon song. This is a good soundtrack to planning the raid on the White Tower…

18)   Carmina Burana: O Fortuna – Carl Orff

O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable[…]

I literally cannot imagine a Tuon playlist without this song. It’s White Tower raid time!

19)   you should see me in a crown – Billie Eilish

Count my cards, watch them fall Blood on a marble wall I like the way they all Scream

Yeah, this was inevitable too. I’m using it for that absolutely horrifying POV of hers where she's in the damane training room and decides it's time to plan a full-out attack on the White Tower.

20)   Muse with a Dagger – Taylor Castro

You're making fun of my people Pretend I don't hear you Cause I won't forgive myself For fueling or burning you

Tuon's thoughts on Mat in the garden. This didn't lean as as far into the dagger/knife imagery as I'd hoped for- remember, this is the blog that insists Athaem means Magic Dagger Curse- but it seemed so strangely apt for the two of them that I had to include it.

21)   Please Don’t Say You Love Me – Gabrielle Aplin

There's no need to worry when You see just where we're at Just please don't say you love me Cause I might not say it back

Her conversation with Mat in the garden.

22)   Daisy – Ashnikko

Respect a bitch, I'm a maverick Flexible, so elastic But don't you dare bend a bitch backwards

This is what you married, Mat. (The Mat POV version of this character sketch is probably Cake's Short Skirt Long Jacket.) I will not apologize for the number of #girlboss songs on this playlist.

23)   Mother’s Daughter – Miley Cyrus

Oh my gosh, she got the power Oh, look at her, she got the power So, so, so Don't fuck with my freedom I came up to get me some

The confrontation with Egwene. I see this as mostly Egwene's POV, with Tuon doing a sort of echo, the way she does in the original scene. They are fascinatingly alike here, and the way Egwene controls the scene and gets in Tuon's head- when that's Tuon's signature strategy- is amazing.

24)   I Walk The Line – Halsey

You've got a way to keep me on your side You give me cause for love that I can't hide For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide

Tuon admitting that her heart tells her to return to save Mat (and the armies of the Light).

25)   Glory and Gore – Lorde

Glory and gore go hand in hand That's why we're makin' headlines (Oh! Oh!) You could try and take us (Oh! Oh!) But victory's contagious

The Seanchan army comes back for the kill.

26)   Trouble – Stripped – Halsey

Don't forget me, don't forget me I wouldn't leave you if you'd let me Hmm, when you met me when you met me You told me you were gonna get me

Death threats are just their deranged way of flirting; if Tuon wanted Mat dead she wouldn't warn him, you know? And in that final scene with the fireworks Tuon's telling Mat that she wants him around, and he understands it as such.

[lakesandquarries]

Jump the Fence Part Two: Ghost Out Of His Grave

chapter one: ghost in your house

summary: Benrey and Gordon adapt to living together. Some days are better than others.

notes: series title from “jump the fence” by mother mother. this part and the chapters within it are named after “ghosting” by mother mother. this chpater may seem familiar! i technically posted it before but i’m reuploading since it’s now part of a series.

AO3 link

It’s early when Gordon wakes up. Or late, depending on how you look at it. The sky outside is dark, with a faint glow that means the sun is about to rise. When he looks at his alarm clock it reads just past 6:30

If he really wanted, he could go back to sleep. But Benrey was acting weird last night, and Gordon was a little... concerned. Benrey had only been living with Gordon for a few days but he had gotten a decent idea of what they were like. Last night, he’d been all...jumpy, distracted, quiet. He’d barely spoken to Gordon, hadn’t eaten, didn’t even seem interested in the Mario game he was playing. Gordon had watched him fail the same stage 4 times in a row. 

He’s not worried about them. It’s just, when your roommate is some kind of eldritch horror, you gotta pay attention when they seem off. 

Gordon stumbles out of his room with eyes still bleary, glasses clutched in one hand, and almost walks straight into Benrey. “You’re up early,” he says, rubbing his eyes until his vision comes into focus. Benrey looks slightly dazed, standing in the middle of the living room with...hold on. 

“Is that my backpack?”

“Uhhhhhhhh. Nope.”

“Don’t fuckin lie to me, man, that’s mine. What’re you doing with it?”

Benrey just keeps staring. Their pupils are huge in the dim lighting, round like a cats. They have the same weird glow, too. Gordon squints his eyes at them, folding his arms. Finally, they say, “I was just gonna leave.”

Oh, goddamnit. “Dude, it’s 6 am. Where exactly are you planning on going?”

“Uh. Y’know. Out.”

“I don’t know, actually,” Gordon says. He’s trying his best to keep his tone even, but he can’t help the bit of anger that slips out. What the fuck is Benrey playing at here?

Benrey sings a bubble of pale gray sweet voice, followed by an assortment of clear. Fuck, Gordon wishes he knew what that meant. He’ll have to ask Tommy later. Benrey is still quiet otherwise, and Gordon sighs. “Benrey,” he says, gentler. “What’s going on?”

Benrey huffs, looking away and adjusting his hat. “’m sick of waiting,” they mumble, barely intelligible. 

“W - Waiting for what?”

The perpetual shadow over his eyes seems to get darker, somehow. “Y’know,” they say again, and this time Gordon explodes.

“I don’t! I don’t know fucking anything because you won’t talk to me! All you do is sit around playing video games and being fucking cryptic and now you’re trying to sneak out at 6 in the goddamn morning!”  His fists have found their way into his hair, gripping tightly. 

More of those clear bubbles slip out, then black to a dark red. “I’m n - I’m not supposed to be here,” Benrey says, voice flat. “I’m - you killed me.”

Gordon winces at the reminder. “Yeah, well, you got my arm chopped off, so -”

“‘m not mad,” they add quickly. “‘s just how things had to go. But, uh, I’m not…” he trails off, making an obnoxious lip smacking noise. “I don’t have my passport for this area.”

Gordon sighs. “Since when do you care?”

“Mmb,” Benrey says. “Uhhhh.” More of the red bubbles. “Why’re you so mad about this?”

“Why am I mad about you trying to leave in the middle of the night?”

“Yeah. I thought you, uh, hated me and everything.”

“I -” Gordon sighs, rubbing his temples. Yelling’s not gonna help here, if he wants to understand what the hell is happening. He forces his voice to sound calm, or at least as calm as he can manage. Deep breaths, he thinks, his new mantra when dealing with Benrey. “It’s more complicated than that, man.” Honestly, he doesn’t hate Benrey as much as he used to. He doesn’t like him, but…he’s not the worst roommate, and he’s a lot less antagonistic now. He’s followed all of Gordon’s rules and been almost a non-presence in the house.  “I mean, we’ve never even talked about…everything.”

“I got your arm chopped off,” Benrey says. 

“Yeah, and I’m still pissed about that. But you haven’t done anything like that here.” 

“Sooo can I go now?”

“What? No!” God, he’s exhausting to talk to. “Why do you wanna leave?”

He smacks his lips again, looking at the floor. “‘s easier than waiting to get kicked out,” they say. 

Gordon rubs his temples again. “I’m not gonna kick you out -”

Benrey looks up at him, eyes narrowed. “You - I - you’re the, the main character. I’m the uh…the bad guy. Duh,” and then he starts humming what Gordon thinks is supposed to be Bad Guy by Billie Eilish. “Right? You beat me. Kill the bad guy, win the game. But now, uh…shit’s all fuck. Bad guy respawned.” He shoots Gordon a wry, tired smile. “So, game’s not over, right? Game, uh….new stage. But you, you’re still the good guy. Fucking, little plumber man Mario. Princess is in another castle, gotta beat Bowser again. Just cause it’s a new stage doesn’t mean Mario and Bowser are gonna be bros. Right?”

He’s about to yell at Benrey for not making any sense when it clicks. “Are - do you think I’m gonna try to kill you again?”

Benrey shrugs, looking away, pulling his hat down over his face.

“Benrey,” Gordon says, trying his best to sound gentle. “I’m not - I only killed you cause you were trying to kill me! I said I wasn’t gonna try to kill you again!”

“I wasn’t actually gonna do it,” Benrey mutters. He shoves his hands in his pockets, hunching over.

“Then why the hell were you shooting at me!” Gordon yells, nearly hitting himself with his wild gesturing.

Benrey lets out a snort, almost a laugh but too…tired. Almost sad, if that’s an emotion Benrey can actually feel. “Game’s gotta have a villain,” he says.

“Stop being fucking cryptic and just say what you mean for once,” Gordon demands. “You were trying to kill me. You got my arm cut off. Why?”

Benrey sighs. “Game’s gotta have a villain,” he repeats. “Doesn’t matter if...if Bowser wants to fuckin, uh, become a chef or something. He’s gotta kidnap the princess. Even if he spends the whole game hanging out with Mario, he’s still…he’s still the bad guy.”

It’s not really any more comprehensible, but, well, that's Benrey. Gordon doesn’t think it’s physically possible for him to be straightforward. The meaning is clear enough, anyway.

“”So you...didn’t wanna be the villain?”

They shrug, trying so hard to seem casual and uncaring, but their expression gives it away. There’s a glint in their eyes, a spark that’s usually missing. 

“So then what was with everything else? If you didnt wanna be the villain why were you such an asshole the whole time?”

“Thought it’d be easier.” Their shoulders tense up, eyes softening. Maybe sad is an emotion Benrey feels. Maybe Gordon’s been wrong all this time. “Be hard to kill someone you like, right? You’d do something stupid.”

“So, what, you got my arm cut off so I’d be mad at you? I was pissed before that.”

“I didn’t think they were gonna fuck you up that bad. And it wasn’t - it wasn’t s’pposed to be real.” Yellow eyes dart around, looking at anything but Gordon.

“The fuck does that mean?”

“It was just a game. It wasn’t real. You’re just, you were just some dude playing a video game, right? When Mario gets punched it’s like, whatever. The guy playing doesn’t care. If he gets punched enough though maybe he’ll just like...give up. Bowser gets to, uh, release the princess and go fuck around. I didn’t...'s supposed to just be a game over when Mario gets beat up. Load save.”

“And what about the boss shit at the end? Where you were, y’know, trying to kill me?”

A flicker of emotion flashes over Benrey’s face, before he goes back to his usual deadpan stare. “Uhhhhhh. Bow -”

Gordon shakes his head, “No, no more of that fucking Mario metaphor. Just - can you just talk like a normal person for five minutes?”

“Nah.”

Gordon wants to tear his hair out. He pinches his nose, taking a deep breath, and then another, until he feels like he can speak without trying to beat the shit out of Benrey. “Just. Answer the question. Why did you try to kill me?”

“I don’t remember?”

“Are you fucking with me right now?”

“No!” Benrey says, something close to offense in his voice, like he's actually hurt Gordon doesn’t believe him, but then he drops right back into that tired tone he usually has. “It was all...fuzzy. TV static, but like, in my head? And nothing, uh, nothing was like….real. I just….” he shrugs, picking at his nails. “‘I’m just vibing, bro.” Gordon takes another deep breath, cleaning his fists and preparing to say something, but Benrey presses on. “I tried to turn back. Before we went in, I told you, we had to go back. You didn’t listen.”

“Of course I didn’t listen!” He throws his arms up in the air in sheer exasperation. “You’d been saying nothing but bullshit up until then! How do I know this isn’t more bullshit, huh? How do I know you’re not just - trying to get me to let my guard down, so you can actually kill me?”

Benrey makes a low noise, accompanied by a handful of brownish-blue bubbles. “‘m not,” he mutters. “I didn’t - I don’t wanna be bad.” The shadow over his eyes is black now, the yellow of his eyes unsettlingly dim. 

“Then why not fucking say something?”

“Couldn’t.” 

Gordon raises an eyebrow. “And why’s that?”

“It’s like - uh -” They smack their lips again. “Like a fucking, uh, dam. The thing beavers make. Beaver can’t get through.”

At least he’s dropped the Mario metaphor. “Okay. So. Let me recap. You…didn’t want to be the villain, you were trying to get me to...quit? And when that didn’t work, you intentionally pissed me off so I’d kill you at the end ‘cause you couldn’t actually say what was going on.”

“Basically, yeah.”

Well, fuck. When Gordon says it out loud like that it’s…actually kinda sad. 

No. No! He’s not gonna start feeling bad for fucking Benrey of all people. Gordon balls his fists, pushing down every stupidly sympathetic emotion he’s having. “Okay. Let’s backtrack a bit. Why are you telling me all this?”

Benrey shrugs. “Got tired of waiting for you to kill me.”

“I already said, I’m not -”

Benrey glitches. His face disappears for a second, replaced by a cracked and decayed skull, and then suddenly he’s normal again. A shriek tears its way out of Gordon as he backs away from them, almost slamming into the wall. For a second he’s back in Xen, watching Benrey’s massive form glitch and deform, and then he shakes his head and reminds himself that he’s in his apartment and Benrey is at least the size of a human being. “What the hell was that?”

“How come you don’t believe me but I’m supposed to believe you? Huh? Gordon got trust issues? Gordon skeptic man?”

“I think I’ve got more than enough reasons to have fucking trust issues, man!” He’s still pressed against the wall, hands curling into fists. 

“But Benrey’s gotta trust you. Benrey’s not allowed to be scared.”

“Are you saying you’re fucking afraid of me?”

Benrey’s Sweet Voice is high pitched and vaguely dark, like a bubble made of shadows. Gordon can’t translate, but it feels like a yes.

“You know what? I think I’m okay with that.” Gordon peels himself off the wall, stepping closer to Benrey, holding out his prosthetic hand. “Now you get how I felt the entire fucking time we were in Black Mesa.”

The bubbles get darker, a deep, almost dripping black. “‘m sorry,” Benrey mumbles.

Gordon blinks. “What?”

They repeat themself, louder this time. “I’m sorry. For. Uh. Everything?”

The only thing Gordon can think to say is, “What the fuck?”

“I’m tryna be nice!” Benrey says. He’s pouting. Like a little kid or some shit. “It’s called an apology, bro.”

“I know what a fucking apology is! I just wasn’t expecting one from you, of all people!”

“I don’t wanna be bad,” Benrey says quietly. “Can I go now?”

“What?” Fuck, with everything else they’ve been...arguing about, Gordon forgot this whole thing started because Benrey was trying to leave. “No!”

Benrey opens his mouth, looking like he’s about to say something, but all that comes out is Sweet Voice. A lot of Sweet Voice. Black to red, gray to clear, dripping black, translucent dark, swirling around him until Gordon can’t even see Benrey under all the bubbles. When they fade...Benrey’s still standing there, and he’s crying.

Gordon’s never seen him cry before.

“I don’t wanna be bad,” Benrey says again. “This was supposed to be my chance to be not bad.” They scrub at their eyes, turning away from Gordon. “This - this is sucks.”

Fuck.

He doesn’t want to feel bad. He doesn’t want to feel sympathetic. Benrey spent the entire time they were in Black Mesa trying to fuck with Gordon, and a few tears don’t erase that.

But.

“I believe you,” Gordon says. Benrey turns back around.

“Wha?”

“I believe you,” Gordon says again. “That you didn’t wanna...do everything that you did.” He pauses, closing his eyes for a second. “And - I’m sorry too.”

Benrey stares. Does not blink. Continues to not blink as the silence drags on, until Gordon feels like he has to say something else.

“I kinda...assumed you were a piece of shit from the beginning. Didn’t really give you a chance, I guess. So. I’m sorry for all of that, and for the whole, killing you thing.”

“You don’t gotta apologize for that,” Benrey mumbles. He’s still not blinking, eyes wide. “Uh. Thanks.” 

“And - if you really wanna leave…” Gordon sighs. He still doesn’t trust Benrey, not in the way he trusts Tommy and Dr. Coomer and even Bubby. But. “I’m not gonna stop you.”

“If I stay are you gonna…be less mad? Less Gordon Angy Momence?”

“I’ll - I’ll try.”

“I, uh. I think I’ll stay.”

“I’m gonna -” Fuck, he’d been planning on getting up before this. He’d been all ready to start his day. Yeah, fuck that. “I’m gonna go back to sleep.”

“Gordon sleepman,” Benrey says, nodding his head. He taps his fingers together. “Hey,” he says, holding his hands up. “You wanna. Uh. Hug?”

He’s not even gonna try to understand what’s happening now. “You know what? Sure.” He steps forward and lets Benrey wrap his arms around him, and after a moment, wraps his around them. It’s…not entirely unpleasant. Benrey is a good bit shorter than Gordon, so with them leaning in against his chest he ends up with his head perched on theirs, hat scratching his chin a bit. Benrey’s arms are thick and strong, and the way he’s holding Gordon should be terrifying but somehow it’s not.

He steps back after a minute, scrubbing at his face again. “Cool. Uh. Poggers,” Benrey says, and Gordon rolls his eyes but he’s smiling a little despite himself. 

“Good - well, it’s not night anymore, but. You get the idea. I’m gonna go pass out.”

“Cool,” Benrey says again. 

Gordon stumbles back into his room, collapsing into bed. It’s the most peaceful sleep he’s had since before Black Mesa.

sweet voice translations:

gray to clear: i shouldn’t be here

black to red: i should be dead

dirty blue: i don’t wanna hurt you

dark like the shade: i’m afraid

black and tarry: i’m sorry

[newmusicmonthly]

2019

Hello,

Missed me?

No longer a monthly mailer – just another end of year round up.

On reflection, perhaps I’ve played it a bit safe this year, but I didn’t feel there was as much great music out there as in previous years.

Yes, I too use Google, so I have listened to all the end of year Best Of lists online, and so those artists not included just didn’t resonate with me this year.

I maintain ‘bad guy’ off Billie Eilish’s record sounds like a Super Mario bonus level (probably in a spooky dungeon)… which I suppose isn’t a bad thing. And I love Lana, but I just didn’t think the latest record was all that. And the same was true of Angel Olsen, Nick Cave, Kanye, Hot Chip… but don’t get me started on Bon Iver: avant-garde “Kum ba yah” at best (sorry Rob).

But then that’s part of the joy of music, variety and differing opinions… so please share yours! What have I overlooked? What should be revisited? Where in the depths of streaming services is that killer track from 2019?

For now, here is my list of songs, somewhat crowbarred into the monthly format (as mentioned, this email was once called New Music Monthly Mailer with five tracks a month, and surely we need some level of constancy and accountability this year).

Enjoy, or not – but please do share your own choice picks.

Merry Christmas.

R x  

NEW MUSIC 2019

JANUARY

Sharon Van Etten - Seventeen Just go and watch her performance from Glastonbury: https://youtu.be/BM6jn891seU Seriously, from 2:45, just fucking brilliant.

J.S. Ondara - Saying Goodbye Lovely acoustic number and a great voice that evokes Tracy Chapman. 

Basekou Kouyate, Ngoni ba - Kanto kelena (feat. Habib Koite) Malian ngoni master returns to acoustic roots.

Delicate Steve - Selfie of a Man Synthy silly catchy instrumental pop-rock.

Steve Gunn - Vagabond Guitar troubadour telling stories of solitude with unostentatious guitar tones.

FEBRUARY

Mara Balls - Ikävä ikävää Driving Finnish Doom-lite.

Julie Jacklin - Body A narrative masterclass, sombre and brooding, but also simmering and pulsating.

Strand of Oaks - Weird Ways Big widescreen rock, which builds into a gorgeous swirl of sound, with Timothy on fine yet reflective form, backed by the band of My Morning Jacket.

Crows - Hang Me High Long awaited debut from Idles approved band, loud fuzz Mary Chain / Dom Keller vibes.

Kel Assouf - Fransa Desert blues, with all the best Tuareg styling, but added beefy production.

MARCH

Nick Waterhouse - Man Leaves Town Mr Waterhouse and band well in the pocket.

Dave - Streatham Heavy beats and piano lines soundtrack story of growing up in SW16. 

Karen O, Danger Mouse - Turn The Light Danger Mouse brings the gentle disco grooves underneath Karen’s swooning vocals.

Small Feet - The Lake Down tempo reverb and echoes float throughout this woozy directionless jam. 

The Brian Jonestown Massacre - Tombes Oubliées BJM do what BJM do best... in French. 

APRIL

The Comet Is Coming - Summon The Fire How can you not move to this?!

W.H. Lung - Empty Room Great new band (c.f. mailer 2017!), and as I already included ‘Inspiration!’ this is my second favourite cut from a top album.

Josefin Öhrn + The Liberation - Feel The Sun Another great artist (championed back in 2016 I think you’ll find), spectral psych grooves.

Weyes Blood - Mirror Forever Great opening line, there’s a coldness but also strangely comforting.

Foxygen - News Now a lot people had fallen off the Foxygen wagon recently, including me, but this is catchy melody filled vibes, with a completely unexpected stonking T-Rex style groove that kicks in around the 3:30 minute mark

MAY

Lizzo – Juice Speaking of good vibes… I mean, again, just go watch the Glastonbury set: https://youtu.be/R9CTs1NsZRI.

Tyler, The Creator - EARFQUAKE Production values: A*, chances of not leaving… C-

The 100 Knights Orchestra - Soul Fugue Celebrating Daptone Records 100th RPM single, this special features every horn player the label has ever worked with, and it is glorious.

Death and Vanilla - A Flaw In The Iris Devendra Banhart vibes to begin, fazing in Mazzy Star style reverb and guitars.

Desert Sands - Are You There The best psychedelic space rock released… ever! 

JUNE

Rose City Band - Fog of Love Warm tones and laid back ambles, which has producer Ripley Johnson’s stamp all over it.

Madonnatron - Goodnight Little Empire Disco ditty extraordinaire.

The Black Keys - Lo/Hi Have you heard of ZZ Top? You have?

The Amazons - Doubt It Future rock heroes get dark.

Fat White Family, Parrot and Cocker Too - Feet - Parrot and Cocker Too Remix Gone for the remix version of this great track: what isn’t improved by added shakers and throbbing techno?

JULY

Michael Kiwanuka, Tom Misch - Money (with Tom Misch) The first of two Kiwanuka tracks in this list, but this was a standalone single, and has all the bubbly bass groove it was impossible not to include.

Drake, Rick Ross - Money In The Grave (Drake ft. Rock Ross) Speaking of money… bounce!

DOPE LEMON - Salt & Pepper Weird keys give way to J.J. Cale style guitar noodles, whilst Angus heaps on the druggy references adding to the meandering stoned atmosphere.

The Quiet Temple, Moon Duo - The Last Opium Den On Earth (Moon Duo Remix) Speaking of druggy… 12 minutes of acid psych jazz in the last opium den on earth.

Nev Cottee - Hello Stranger Cinematic and pastoral, but also searing

AUGUST

Palace - Running Wild Top class indie pop nugget with great simple guitar solo to end.

Kandodo 3 - Everything Green's Gone This definitely isn’t for everyone: think Nine Inch Nails soundtracks at their most impenetrable, if you can make it two thirds of the way through this 13 minute wig out, there are some great slide guitars.

Clairo – Bags Breakout bedroom pop with one of the hookiest melodies all year.

Mini Mansions - Works Every Time Behind the beat smooth grooves.

Death Hawks - Whisper Squelchy over produced 80s style pop bananas,

SEPTEMBER

Native Harrow - Can't Go On Like This Inevitable Laurel Canyon / Joni Mitchell comparisons on this retro analogue sound ballad.

Ty Segall - The Arms Ty does a rare acoustic number, and even throws in a rather tasteful mandolin line.

Pixx - Funsize Synth bleeps and beats disguise a Radiohead-esque creeping guitar line.

Sleater-Kinney - The Future Is Here Love the motorik dirge vibes here, underpin lovely vocal lines and melodies which remind us: the future is here, and we can’t go back.

Marika Hackman - i'm not where you are Great pop hooks and guitar lines.

OCTOBER

Dylan LeBlanc - Renegade I’m a big fan of LeBlanc and his retro stylings, and this track is super lilting 80s driving rock.

TOOL - Pneuma I struggled to get TOOL for a while, but this record and this track in particular is fucking phenomenal.

Lightning Dust - Devoted To Amber Webber and Joshua Wells’ solo project (previously of Black Mountain), conjure spectral dreamscapes.

Sturgill Simpson - Remember To Breathe Sturgill goes electronic rawk – and Tomoyasu Hotei wants his production back.

Michael Kiwanuka - Hero Here he is again, with the standout track from a truly brilliant album.

NOVEMBER

Kelsey Waldon - White Noise, White Lines Kentucky country groove rock.

WIVES - Waving Past Nirvana Churning fuzz rock underpins laconic loose vocals, cool.

Pumarosa - I See You Tense synth verses give way to soaring superb choruses.

Jaako Eine Kalevi - Dissolution Finnish synth pop architect doing a very good Matthew Dear impersonation. 

Warmduscher - Midnight Dipper “The offspring of a match made in hell between Fat White Family and Paranoid London” – full-on sleazy glam.

DECEMBER

Pond - Don't Look at the Sun (Or You'll Go Blind) – Live My favourite track the band perform live, now finally available on streaming.

Staff Benda Bilili - Jamais de la vie The famous Congolese street band return with tight uplifting grooves.

Khruangbin, Leon Bridges - Texas Sun Sit back, open a cold one, and enjoy (when summer comes back around).

Jimmy "Duck" Holmes - Catfish Blues Mississippi delta blues from the 72 year old Holmes, produced by Dan Auerbach.

Mikal Cronin - Show Me Long-time Ty Segall collaborator serves up some Tom Petty-esque soft rock.

[gigsoupmusic]

Austin City Limits Wraps up a Successful Weekend One— 21 Best Things We Saw

It was the fest of times, it was the worst of times. Well, not exactly the worst— unless you’re counting temperatures upwards of 95 degrees and a scorching sun (thanks global warming). But, despite brutally hot temperatures (this was the hottest ACL weekend on record since 2006), the promise of great music and fun times drew sellout crowds of almost 60,000 to Zilker Park, eager to brave the sweltering sun for a glimpse of industry giants Billie Eilish, Cardi B, Childish Gambino, and others. And weekend one delivered; from Guns n’ Roses to Tame Impala, any sunburn was completely worth it as the festivities roared on and our ears cried happy tears. The temperatures were high and the sun was relentless— but that didn’t stop the festivities from roaring on as fans geared up to enjoy the last ACL of the decade. Check out the 21 best things we saw below. *All Photos by Valerie Magan unless otherwise noted. FIDLAR kicks off AMEX stage with red-hot set in morning Austin heat

Pooneh Ghana/ACL

Pooneh Ghana/ACL

Pooneh Ghana/ACL

Pooneh Ghana/ACL

Pooneh Ghana/ACL “23 years of drinking cheap beer!” FIDLAR’s Zac Carper tells the audience assembled at the AMEX stage, a seemly Hawaiian-print button-down draped loosely across his body, a black guitar decked out in a spiderweb sticker and a giant 808 (the area code for Hawaii) in hand. He wears another band’s t-shirt— Emily’s Army, now defunct— a smug nod to SWMRS, another California band whose third album he produced.

Pooneh Ghana/ACL A quiet trailblazer for L.A’s underground skate-rock scene, FIDLAR’s influence is not to be sneezed at. Fresh off a blistering sold-out show at Scoot Inn the night before (the first of ACL’s official Late Night shows), FIDLAR was just as ruffian and high-energy as ever, a ragtag number of ordered chaos— a description to which the band are no stranger. Their music is practically written to get adrenaline going— it's even in their name, an acronym of ‘Fuck It Dog, Life’s A Risk. Playing a mix of cuts from their latest album, “Almost Free”, and from their debut, “FIDLAR”, the 45-minute time-slot on the AMEX stage was the perfect span for their music— any longer and the crowd might’ve passed out. The set goes by quickly, but ends not without a pulverizing version of old favorite, “Cheap Beer”— 2 minutes and 22 seconds of pure adrenaline. Being on stage with ‘Almost Free’, a surprisingly bold, vulnerable album that sees the four recovering from addiction and tragedy and rising above expectations of them, the band finds just that— freedom. Weyes Blood's larger than life performance outshines her stage

Erika Goldring/BMI

Erika Goldring/BMI If Natalie Merring’s fourth studio album was titled any differently, I’m not so sure it would so aptly describe the feeling of falling into it. Weyes Blood, whose breathtakingly beautiful chamber-pop offerings lit up the BMI stage every bit as much as her stark white suit and starlike sunglasses, was a force to be reckoned with. Sounding at times like a pared-down Crystal Castles with Lana Del Rey as lead singer, Merring captures perfectly the ethos of finding pockets of serenity amidst unbroken chaos, even in live performance. Running through songs from this year’s aptly-titled ’Titanic Rising’, Merring takes listeners on a loop through the stages of a slow-burning catastrophe: the feeling of suspension— disaster oncoming— to finding a perverse exhilaration in watching it all fall apart. She sings “Movies” and “Andromeda” with an especially chilling grace, the sweeping orchestrals forming a beautiful corner of safety and refuge as the chaos of ACL forged on around us, making us temporarily forget about the heat as we stepped blindly into the North Atlantic Ocean, a Titanic-sized lump rising in our throats. Thom Yorke's man-bun steals the show

Thom Yorke has long earned the right to be arrogant. No one who had ended up here had just wandered in by chance. No. Every single person in this 8000-odd crowd had showed up for him. He took no time to introduce himself, but needed no introduction anyway; years of playing as Radiohead’s frontman did it for him. And, as he’s managed to spin a career fronting one of the biggest alt-rock bands into one of the most exhilarating and creative solo projects in recent memory, there’s all the more reason to feel superior. Billed on the festival lineup as ‘Thom Yorke Tommorow's Modern Boxes’, the wording made for some early confusion, some thinking this was a set focusing solely on his 2014 solo album, and others thinking he had formed a new side-project. The latter, tonight, seemed to be true. Performing with his current ensemble— who I’m very reluctant to call a Radiohead ‘side project’— Yorke arrived on stage cooly at least five minutes ahead of schedule, his signature top knot bobbing above him as ‘Tommorow’s Modern Boxes’ (longtime producer Nigel Godrich and fellow musician Tarik Barr) trailed obediently behind him. He felt no remorse about starting early; everyone who was here to see him would’ve been here already. Thirty seconds ahead of call time and they had already begun “Impossible Knots,” Yorke’s top-knot bun bobbing along to its namesake.

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL Even if you’ve been listening to Radiohead for years on end and still associate Yorke with the scathing metal clutches of ‘90s alt rock, we can all agree that his solo work is a wonderful compliment Radiohead’s work. It’s minimalist, elegant, poised, but chaotic and discordant in its own right. It seems to energize him. Here, we see a markedly laidback, mellow version of the Yorke seen hand-wrenching his way through early Radiohead concerts, recklessly frivolous and worthy of laughter. Yes, he still breaks out in odd dance moves— his signature move this time was the turkey head-bobbing while he adjusted knobs on the switchboard— and the song selection provided mixed results, but he’s much more poised, angelic almost. The juxtaposition on stage was almost laughable: never more than once did the other two look up from their screens, each soldiering on throughout the whole set with dead-eyed determination while their counterpart Thom Yorke billowed himself around on stage. We were excited to see we could count on his wild grandpa dancing, sometimes resembling a bull at a riding competition, even through ANIMA’s heavily digitized beats.

Valerie Magan/ACL Tame Impala wows with fitting, futuristic set at sundown

As the sun started to go down and the Austin heat finally began to recede, Tame Impala’s descent into cool R&B was one much needed. It must’ve been strange, performing at the same time as Guns n’ Roses, especially since, in sharp contrast to the heavy rock going on on the other side of Zilker Park, your music isn’t meant to rile up a crowd. There were defiantly some crowd members on the outskirts looking bored, swaying absentmindedly as “Let It Happen” crooned on. While it didn’t help that he didn’t interact much with the audience— and a lack of new material made four-year old songs sound even older— I’ll give them this: the way it all came together for better or for worse was the redeeming quality of the night. The pulsing light show, the slick veneer of pyschadelic-alt, and the whirlwind of fans starving for new music somehow made for a perfect storm, lifting and carrying us above air as Kevin Parker’s five-year-old hits satisfied once again. While there was nothing in terms of new music to offer, other than two summer singles, “Patience” and “Borderline”, . At times completely drowned out by the seizure-inducing lights and laser pointers so intense I worried it’d trip up pilots, the band delivered as much of an enjoyable live experience as we could expect them to, closing out day one strong with their 15-track set of pleasant, ultrasonic lullabies. “Borderline” fit right in with surprise additions “Lucidity” and “WDYNMUYM” and the ever-popular “New Person, Same Ol’ Mistakes” sent Tame Impala out with a bang.

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL Guns n’ Roses arrives on time— and with an upgraded Axl Rose

Katarina Benzova/ACL “We’re in the jungle baby!” Axl Rose told Zilker Park. “You’re gonna die!” The Saturday night slot at Austin City Limits has long been friendly to veteran acts for a while now, but even so, these last two years have been the year of ACL revivals. Last year’s Metallica was one such union, honoring an important musical legacy with hard rock and fireworks. Sure, like last year’s Metallica, it’s always a gamble to bill a veteran hard-rock act with such a small, niche subset of older fans as a headliner, but like Metallica, Guns ’n’ Roses still managed to draw in most of the older crowd, as well as a sizable subset of millenials who had skipped out on the ever-popular Tame Impala in favor of partaking in nostalgia of a time they were never a part of.

Katarina Benzova/ACL

Katarina Benzova/ACL

Katarina Benzova/ACL “Remember ’87?” Instagram stories seem to say— regardless of age— as Axl Rose performed revamped versions of “Welcome to The Jungle” and “You Could Be Mine” to a wave of phones aloft. And those who headed over from Tame Impala’s set were in for a very different ride, but everyone who stuck around just a little while longer ended up witnessing probably the best Guns ’n’ Roses performance in recent history. No, the sound mix was not the best— “Do you even fucking hear what I'm saying?” Rose yelled early into the set — and certainly must’ve sounded worse in a phone recording, but at least Rose looked the best he had in years, and Slash proved to us he still had it in him as he exited the stage with a handstand.

Katarina Benzova/ACL Misterwives is doing great

Valerie Magan/ACL

While you probably most know them from their 2014 single, Reflections, that caused quick success, you’d be pleased to know that Misterwives’ 2019 has been equally as great. Currently on tour with cult-favorite band TØP and hard at work on their third studio album, Misterwives is an absolute a ball of energy and excitement for what’s to come in the year ahead. They certainly looked it on stage; down from drummer Ettiene Bowler’s to lead singer Mandy Lee’s smiley, thrilled demeanor and bright orange getup, it’s the two freshest cuts that excite them the most, starting the set high-energy with their two latest singles. We’re certainly looking forward to their new material, and if it’s anywhere as thrilling as their ACL debut, there’s not a doubt it’ll be great.

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Lil Uzi Vert

Whoops— we didn’t see that. Tierra Whack gives a fan the shoes off of her feet

Valerie Magan/ACL If ever there was a competition for the best stage presence, Tierra Whack (and DJ Zach) would be worthy contenders. The spitting image of a ‘90s underground rapper, Whack actually sports one of the more muted outfits of her “Whack World” tour: a wacky patterned purple and blue two-piece, complete with neon nails and doorknocker earrings. After a slightly-late start to her set after Zach’s computer overheats— which prompted stagehands to bring in a big-blade to place directly on the laptop— Tierra Whack to a crowd of young fans, . her DJ counterpart Zach Whack— a skinny, tattooed white guy with , Obviously “Clones” was a big hit, but she played other songs like they were just as big, and the audience responded accordingly.

Valerie Magan/ACL

“Is it anyone’s birthday today?” Whack asks the crowd of mostly student-aged festivalgoers, and, the middle of the horde produces the hand of small, student-aged boy with curly hair. In true festival style, surrounding festival-goers punt him up and over their heads and towards the stage, where he’s set down inches from Whack, who’s waiting expectantly for him to arrive. A quick exchange of banter and she’s handing him the shoes off her feet— a new, expensive, pair of patterned Nikes. She proceeded to complete the rest of the 45-minute set unshod, running through a record-shattering 18 tracks— including fan favorites “Cable Guy”, and “Pretty Ugly”— while sliding around on socked feet. What a birthday gift!

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL The anomaly of Billie Eilish, the teenager whose old soul outshines most adults

Charles Reagan Hackleman/ACL

Call her what you want— an industry plant, a product of the studio, an extension of her brother FINNEAS— but there’s no denying that . You may be inclined to think … but there’s something incredibly drawing about Eilish, who. By the time she arrives on stage, the Honda setup is rammed shoulder to shoulder, ad unlike the usual crossed-armed, bleary-eyed, pop-in-to-see-if-its-good festival old folk, its obvious everyone here is a fan. How could you not be? Even if you tried to escape, bad guy has been on the charts all summer, making headlines for dethroning Lil Nas X’s Old Town Road. Her debut album, When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?’ was a charming, albeit vulnerable 12-track of raw ramblings, produced by none other than her brother FINNEAS, who today joins her o stage on guitar much like h does in the studio, functioning as an impromptu hype man as Eilish bobbed around on stage in bright green. It’s clear the Eilish knows what she’s doing: with lyrics beyond her years and a concrete knowledge of just how to connect with her audience, Eilish boasts the energy and skills of an experienced touring musician, turning melancholy content best enjoyed alone, into an loud, shared experience.

Charles Reagan Hackleman/ACL

Charles Reagan Hackleman/ACL

Charles Reagan Hackleman/ACL “For this next one I have a request for you… I know you all know this chorus, but can some pits open up?” she asked, sounding akin to a rapper’s hype man at a hip-hop shindig. After all, she did look the part. Dressed like a ‘90s rapper in an oversized green tee, dangly chains and baggy cargo shorts hanging loosely off her small frame, Eilish looked less like an angsty teen and more like an uncle at the cookout. But, her music still cuts deeper than most; it’s a stormy, troubled attempt at catharsis that begs adult explanations for the abstract— culminating in “When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?”. And whether you’re jealous of her for accomplishing more than you ever had at fifteen, or just one of those stony-faced parents forced to accompany their children to the pit, there’s no denying that Eilish captures hearts.

Charles Reagan Hackleman/ACL The Cure deliver bare bones Saturday night set, and Robert Smith is still the world's most bashful superstar

Valerie Magan/ACL A new generation may have taken over at ACL, but on Saturday night, we were reminded what it meant to be . A sharp contrast to what was going on across the park at Childish Gambino, middle-age nostalgics the Cure took the stage for what was their first run at ACL. Still managing to draw much of the older crowd to their set at the Honda Stage, The Cure found a lush audience in those itching for a bout of nostalgia much like they’d found in last night’s Guns n’ Roses. Despite looking a bit out of his element, Robert Smith . For a man that once sang the words “It doesn’t matter if we all die”, Robert Smith . While their days of blatant language and tism are far behind them,

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL It had been years since I’d heard emo classic “Boys Don’t Cry”, but it didn’t take much to remember every word. It feels almost cheap to say that emo-classic “Disintegration” rolled off Robert Smith’s signature painted-on lips as smoothly as it would’ve had it been 40 years prior, but it was true. Classics like “Friday I’m In Love” and “Just Like Heaven” had both older, dedicated fans and the Billie Eilish bleedover singing along in a surprising, cross-generational harmony to a song that had been around since some of them had been in their late teens, back when radio was the primary form of music consumption. Like Thom Yorke, Robert Smith has also earned the right to be arrogant; he gets everybody to their feet and singing with the snap of a note. “See you next year,” Smith says, riling a few of us up before realizing his mistake. “See you next week!” he restates. Hopefully it will be both.

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL With church claps and smooth falsetto, Childish Gambino makes his ACL comeback

Sydney Gawlik/ACL “5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I need y’all to do a church clap for this next song,” Donald Glover said as he demonstrated what he wanted. The audience followed suit, clapping all through the opening notes of “3005”. Why a church clap was necessary there, only he knows, but the audience was more than happy to oblige. After cancelling his ACL performance (and remaining tour dates) last fall due to a foot injury, a refreshed Donald Glover , best version of himself that had been in a while. wild on stage— showed us just what last year was missing as he galloped around on stage, "This-Is-America"-style, capturing the crowd for all of his two hour set. And with the Cure playing faintly in the background, it was a wonderfully chaotic two hours for your ears.

Greg Noire/ACL

Greg Noire/ACL

Greg Noire/ACL “If you got a joint, you better smoke that shit! If you got somebody you love you better hold them close. Or if you just feeling the vibe… close your eyes and let me take you there.” His opening words were a seamless fit for his ultra-smooth single, “Redbone”— if anything, this was the vibe for a Saturday night. Although more highbrow songs like “This Is America” made for a serious frame of mind, tonight’s set boasted a particularly celebratory flavor to end out Day 2, as Childish Gambino fulfilled his promise of bringing us exactly what we’d been robbed of last year. “I broke my foot last year. I will not fail you this time,” he told the crowd, and it seemed like he’d taken those words to heart, treating each song like it would be the last time he sang it, adding falsetto and witticisms to tunes like “Sober” and “Summertime Magic”. In fact, he barely sang “Redbone”, and instead took the opportunity to show off his vocal range, swapping lyrics for falsetto and notes for soul-shouts. The crowd ate it up, more than happy to pick up the slack, filling lyrics in for him with their own scream-sing version of “my peanut butter chocolate cake with Kool-Aid”. “This is America” was a similar story, although much of the song was carried by the backup choir and dancers in school uniforms that made the stage look exactly like the video. And between songs, the audience got a beguiling glimpse of his personality: carefree, funny, relatable. Julia Jacklin rises above hungover Sunday crowd

Roger Ho/ACL Cue Sunday. The last day of the festival, lingering Friday sunburns, and the searing hangover. We can all agree that Sunday mornings are not for the faint of heart, and with a mix of fatigue from late night parties and hangovers from a rowdy night out, it was clear that the heat was catching up to everyone as the early afternoon rolled on. Collateral to this was Julia Jacklin, whose soulful, beautiful musings echoed over a shortened Honda stage entirely too sparse for her talent. She took the sparse crowd in stride; her quiet, picturesque grace never once paused for breath, making us wonder why she wasn’t a headliner. The Japanese House are indeed Good At Falling— on appreciative ears

Self described as a sad, modern ABBA, the Japanese House are absolutely Good at Falling. Good at Falling on much appreciative ears. Known for her super dreamy sets that make heavy use of a vocoder to achieve a deeper octave, it’s always a wonder how Amber Bain keeps her sets just as enthralling in front of an audience as she does in the studio. Such awe was definitely not missing today as we heard live cuts from their latest album. Some songs recall Frou-Frou— Imogen Heap’s band from years past— staying true to their older sound while still leaving room to grow. Amber is joined by two others, and she sounds even fuller this time. Not usually one to be too shy, Bain throws out hurried stage banter forced to a basic minimum as they blow through a carefully selected group of songs from this year’s debut, ‘Good At Falling’. Freshest single “Something Has to Change” was unfortunately missing, and the frustratingly short set is crowned by “Maybe You’re The Reason”. Definitely a must-see live, The Japanese House forge an incongruently haunting atmosphere in the middle of the searing Austin heat, reaching into unexpected sonic domain and creating a lush, celestial soundscape to go with abstract, deep lyrics.

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL Moshpits and abject chaos are the general order of the day at IDLES' early afternoon set

Chad Wadsworth/ACL

Chad Wadsworth/ACL

Chad Wadsworth/ACL

Chad Wadsworth/ACL

Chad Wadsworth/ACL “This song is a celebration of the best thing that ever happened to Britain, and the best thing that’s happened to your country… Immigration!!” IDLES frontman Joe Talbot screams as he launches into Danny Nedelko. Rather than just being another punk rock band, IDLES has taken their platform to share their wonderful form of protest punk. Old favorite “Divide + Conquer” finds an entire American festival dancing to a song about NHS cuts, while the raucous chorus of newer cut Danny Nedelko causes the biggest singalong about immigration and “ aliens” we’ve heard in a long time. Despite an underlying theme of pain and suffering in their lyrics, IDLES finds us plenty of moments to let loose, just be carefree for a moment. And that’s certainly what the four of them are doing on stage as they give each song their all, dangling around at the mercy of a microphone cable, herk-jerking about each other in a manner that Thom Yorke would probably envy. If you haven’t heard of IDLES yet, we suggest you do… now. Rosalía brings Barcelona to Austin with stunning Flamenco Reggateon crossover

Valerie Magan/ACL Rosalia’s debut at ACL was everything we could’ve wanted and more. Everything about the performance was beautifully timed and choreographed, from the formations of her dancers, to the contrast between her and them, to the emotional, seemingly-impromptu cover of Las Grecas’ “Te estoy amando locamente”. She treated us to a tear-inducing acapella version of “Catalina”, before running through “Con Altura” (albeit without her counter part, J Balvin).

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL “You know I come from very far away. I come from Barcelona,” she said in near tears to an audience of screaming thousands. She stood in humble disbelief that she had crashed into this market so suddenly, so unexpectedly, and had spent nearly all summer on a run of festival appearances, bringing a wonderful mix of Flamenco and Reggaeton to American audience. We’re all for the latin revival in mainstream music that’s been happening in recent years, and it’s exciting to see such a humble artist break through the barrier. This can only signal a much-needed widening of musical barriers, and we’re excited to see where this takes us in the next decade. BANKS brings the fire in red getup

BANKS, who gained momentum the past few years with her song “Begging For Thread”, has catapulted to the forefront of indie. Clad in black thigh high boots and a tight ponytail, BANKS took on a boss-bitch vibe as she sang songs from her third album, making for a rich and compelling performance that took command of the audience and made sure you didn’t take your eyes off of her. Everything about her and her dancers routines were perfectly coordinated, from the contrast of their hair color to the dark theme of their outfits— which recalled the sprites from Spirited Away. ‘III’, a break from her usual dark and moody R&B is, if anything, a set of catchy singles that made exciting hip-swingers.

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL Third Eye Blind wants you to know they’re “not a MacBook Pro Band

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL “We’re not a Macbook Pro band,” Stephan Jenkins told Zilker Park. “We’re not singing along to tracks. This is a motherfucking guitar band so we can do whatever the fuck we want!!” This was the energy that Third Eye Blind began with, and quite frankly, it was the energy they deserved back. Building the band from the ground up, Third Eye Blind found rightful ‘90s success with ’97 single, “Semi-Charmed Life”, but not much is said about them otherwise. More than a wonderful brush with nostalgia, the four have put out consistent, sharp albums ever since, and are gearing up to release an album next week. “You are now part of Third Eye Blind. Show me your face and I’ll show you mine”, Jenkins said, taking his sunglasses off. Sold. We will. Lizzo ‘sells out’ the Miller Lite Stage

Chad Wadsworth/ACL Oh, Lizzo. The powerhouse singer that’s been absolutely everywhere this summer. Fresh off the release of her debut album, and a six-week chart run of her song-of-the-summer single “Truth Hurts”, Lizzo has become a cultural icon. The current queen of feel-good, body-positive music, her impact cannot possibly be denied. But as the Miller Lite stage packed from edge-to-edge, with fans lining up as early as 4pm for her 7pm set, it was clear ACL had underestimated her influence. Packed from the front of the Miller stage to the outer edges of the Honda stage the distance of two football fields away, the wait for Lizzo was the most hair-raising, tense time we’d had. Fans pushed, shoved, clawed, and shouted their way to the front, hoping to be as close as possible to what they had knew would be the most exhilarating set yet. Even the photo pit filled up quick as photographers and fans clamored to get a glimpse of the “Truth Hurts” singer and her backup dancers, all clod in an array of neon orange and yellow leotards.

Chad Wadsworth/ACL

Chad Wadsworth/ACL

Chad Wadsworth/ACL And when Lizzo asked the audience to put their phone flashlights up for “Jerome”— one of the only times it felt right to see a wave of phones pointed skyward— it was like starlight had come and engulfed us. She was at the top of her game, belting out hard-hitting melodies as she ran through a wonderful selection of her hits and a few older songs. Needless to say, “Truth Hurts” and “Good As Hell” were one for the books— with the enthusiasm of everyone on stage and the roaring energy of the crowd, rowdiness and general disarray became the order of the day for those 45 minutes, taking the cake for one of the most exciting sets of the weekend. Way too short if you ask me.

Chad Wadsworth/ACL LANY, Los Angeles' near-overnight success, makes a case for themselves at the VRBO stage

Keenan Hairston/ACL Love them or hate them, there’s no denying that LANY are robust performers. Sometimes in this day and age that’s all you need, but thats certainly not all they have. An acronym for Los Angeles New York, the 4-piece’s success story is something of an anomaly, and mostly came about after the band was added to several popular Spotify playlists. But, to claim their success was contingent on a whim of streamings wold be unfair, as it would be equally unfair to suggest their fans were “New Music Friday”—ed into liking them. After all, for a band geared towards the sensitive young crowd, LANY has mature lyrics, vivid imagery, and mercurial soundscapes — all ingredients for a wonderful band.

Keenan Hairston/ACL With songs absolutely perfect for the late summer heat, LANY’s music is the perfect backing track as the sun dips into the pink and orange behind the hills, recalling memories of a gentle love— and taking our three day extravaganza with it. The fun is far from over, but something about seeing the sun— who had unwittingly become our enemy these past three days— make its way over the hills for the last time made it all the more real that ACL 2019 was coming to an end. Bittersweet excitement tinted the set, and from their early synthwave crooners “Made In Hollywood” to slower, more mature “Malibu Nights”, the bands hour-long sunset performance rivaled Lizzo’s in ?. While missing Lizzo was a sacrifice, LANY was an equally sound option that proved your 7-8pm time slot would’ve been phenomenal no matter which one you chose. Tardi Cardi! Cardi B arrives thirty minutes late to her headlining set— but fans seem to forget as she finally appears

Valerie Magan/ACL Sometimes chanting the artist’s name is a perfect way to get them to appear. This was not one of those times.

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Notorious for being late, Cardi B was not on stage when the clock struck 9:00, and fans started to get antsy as time ticked on. A quick look at her Instagram story for the day revealed she wasn’t even in the United States twelve hours prior, instead wrapping up a trip overseas. But once B. took the stage, 33 minutes after her scheduled start time of 9:00, it was almost as if everything was forgotten. The crowd was euphoric to see the Bronx singer/rapper finally appear, and B. recovered quickly from her timely faux-paus with a high-energy torrent of career highlights, busting into that signature Cardi B.-twerk as fireworks signaled “I Like It.” And “Bodak Yellow” once again stole the show, going all out with its danceable beats and impressive pyrotechnic light show. Ringing in at 45-minutes total, the set felt undeniably short, but once again, Cardi recovered by reminding folks of her upcoming El Paso show on Oct. 8.

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL

Valerie Magan/ACL Mumford and Sons close out Weekend One with audience tears and unifying folk rock No caption is needed for this amazing closeout—the pictures say it all.

Charles Reagan Hackleman/ACL

Pooneh Ghana/ACL

Pooneh Ghana/ACL

Charles Reagan Hackleman/ACL

Charles Reagan Hackleman/ACL

Charles Reagan Hackleman/ACL

Charles Reagan Hackleman/ACL And that's a wrap on weekend one! Check out some more photos from the event weekend below, and stay tuned for weekend two!

James Blake, Valerie Magan

21 Savage, Valerie Magan/ACL

21 Savage, Valerie Magan/ACL

Bea Miller, Valerie Magan/ACL

Bea Miller, Valerie Magan/ACL

Bea Miller, Valerie Magan/ACL

Bea Miller, Valerie Magan/ACL

Bea Miller, Valerie Magan/ACL

Bea Miller, Valerie Magan/ACL

Third Eye Blind, Valerie Magan/ACL

Third Eye Blind, Valerie Magan/ACL

Gary Clarke Jr., Valerie Magan/ACL

Gary Clarke Jr., Valerie Magan/ACL

Jenny Lewis, Valerie Magan/ACL

Jenny Lewis, Valerie Magan/ACL

Gary Clarke Jr., Valerie Magan/ACL

Jenny Lewis, Valerie Magan/ACL

Jenny Lewis, Valerie Magan/ACL

Jenny Lewis, Valerie Magan/ACL

Tame Impala, Valerie Magan/ACL Read the full article

[lakesandquarries]

ghost in your house (ghost in your arms)

Summary: Benrey's been living with Gordon after the events of Black Mesa, but he's starting the think it'd be better if he wasn't. Gordon doesn't agree.

title and inspiration from “ghosting” by mother mother.

AO3 Link 

It’s early when Gordon wakes up. Or late, depending on how you look at it. The sky outside is dark, with a faint glow that means the sun is about to rise, and when he looks at his alarm clock it says 6:31 AM.

If he really wanted, he could go back to sleep. But Benrey had been acting weird last night, and Gordon’s a little...concerned. Not his usual weird, either. He’d been all...jumpy, distracted, quiet. He’d barely spoken to Gordon, hadn’t eaten, didn’t even seem interested in the Mario game he was playing. Gordon had watched him fail the same stage 4 times in a row.

He’s not worried about them. It’s just, when your roommate is some kind of eldritch horror, you gotta pay attention when they seem off.

Gordon stumbles out of his room with eyes still bleary, glasses clutched in one hand, and almost walks straight into Benrey. “You’re up early,” he says, rubbing his eyes until his vision comes into focus. Benrey looks slightly dazed, standing in the middle of the living room with...hold on.

“Is that my backpack?”

“Uhhhhhhhh,” they say. “Nope.”

“Don’t fuckin lie to me, man, that’s mine. What’re you doing with it?”

Benrey just keeps staring. Their pupils are huge in the dim lighting, round like a cats. Gordon squints his eyes at them, folding his arms. Finally, they say, “I was just gonna leave.”

Oh, goddamnit. “Dude, it’s 6 am. Where exactly are you planning on going?”

“Uh. Y’know. Out.”

“I don’t know, actually,” Gordon says. He’s trying his best to keep his tone even, but he can’t help the bit of anger that slips out. What the fuck is Benrey playing at here?

Benrey sings a bubble of pale gray Sweet Voice, followed by an assortment of clear. Fuck, Gordon wishes he knew what that meant. He’ll have to ask Tommy later. Benrey is still quiet otherwise, and Gordon sighs. “Benrey,” he says, gentler. “What’s going on?”

Benrey huffs, looking away and adjusting his hat. “’m sick of waiting,” they mumble, barely intelligible.

“W - Waiting for what? ”

The perpetual shadow over his eyes seems to get darker, somehow. “Y’know,” they say again, and this time Gordon explodes.

“I don’t! I don’t know fucking anything because you won’t talk to me! All you do is sit around playing video games and being fucking cryptic and now you’re trying to sneak out at 6 in the goddamn morning!”  His fists have found their way into his hair, gripping tightly.

More of those clear bubbles slip out, then black to a dark red. “I’m n - I’m not supposed to be here,” Benrey says, voice flat. “I’m - you killed me.”

Gordon winces at the reminder. “Yeah, well, you got my arm chopped off, so -”

“‘m not mad,” they add quickly. “‘s just how things had to go. But, uh, I’m not….” he trails off, making an obnoxious lip smacking noise. “I don’t have my passport for this area.”

Gordon sighs. “Since when do you care?”

“Mmb,” Benrey says. “Uhhhh.” More of the red bubbles. “Why’re you so mad about this?”

“Why am I mad about you trying to leave in the middle of the night?”

“Yeah. I thought you, uh, hated me and everything.”

“I -” Gordon sighs, rubbing his temples. Yelling’s not gonna help here, if he wants to understand what the hell is happening. He forces his voice to sound calm, or at least as calm as he can manage. “It’s more complicated than that, man.” Honestly, he doesn’t hate Benrey as much as he used to. He doesn’t like him, but….he’s not the worst roommate, and he’s a lot less antagonistic now. “I mean, we’ve never even talked about….everything.”

“I got your arm chopped off,” Benrey says.

“Yeah, and I’m still pissed about that. But you haven’t done anything like that here .”

“Sooo can I go now?”

“What? No!” God he’s exhausting to talk to. “Why do you wanna leave?”

He smacks his lips again, looking at the floor. “‘s easier than waiting to get kicked out,” they say.

Gordon rubs his temples again. “I’m not gonna kick you out -”

Benrey looks up at him, eyes narrowed. “You - I - you’re the, the main character. I’m the uh….the bad guy. Duh,” and then he starts humming what Gordon thinks is supposed to be Bad Guy by Billie Eilish. “Right? You beat me. Kill the bad guy, win the game. But now, uh….shit’s all fuck. Bad guy respawned.” He shoots Gordon a wry, tired smile. “So, game’s not over, right? Game, uh….new stage. But you, you’re still the good guy. Fucking, little plumber man Mario. Princess is in another castle, gotta beat Bowser again. Just cause it’s a new stage doesn’t mean Mario and Bowser are gonna be bros. Right?”

He’s about to yell at Benrey for not making any sense when it clicks. “Are - do you think I’m gonna try to kill you again?”

Benrey shrugs, looking away, pulling his hat down over his face.

“Benrey,” Gordon says, trying his best to sound gentle. “I’m not - I only killed you cause you were trying to kill me!”

“I wasn’t actually gonna do it,” Benrey mutters. He shoves his hands in his pockets, hunching over.

“Then why the hell were you shooting at me!” Gordon yells, nearly hitting himself with his wild gesturing.

Benrey lets out a snort, almost a laugh but too….tired. Almost sad, if that’s an emotion Benrey can actually feel. “Game’s gotta have a villain,” he says.

“Stop being fucking cryptic and just say what you mean for once,” Gordon demands. “You were trying to kill me. You got my arm cut off. Why?”

Benrey sighs. “Game’s gotta have a villain,” he repeats. “Doesn’t matter if...if Bowser wants to fuckin, uh, become a chef or something. He’s gotta kidnap the princess. Even if he spends the whole game hanging out with Mario, he’s still….he’s still the bad guy.”

It’s not really any more comprehensible, but, well, that's Benrey. Gordon doesn’t think it’s physically possible for him to be straightforward. The meaning is clear enough, anyway.

“”So you...didn’t wanna be the villain?”

They shrug, trying so hard to seem casual and uncaring, but their expression gives it away. There’s a glint in their eyes, a spark that’s usually missing.

“So then what was with everything else? If you didnt wanna be the villain why were you such an asshole the whole time?”

“Thought it’d be easier.” Their shoulders tense up, eyes softening. Maybe sad is an emotion Benrey feels. Maybe Gordon’s been wrong all this time. “Be hard to kill someone you like, right? You’d do something stupid.”

“So, what, you got my arm cut off so I’d be mad at you? I was pissed before that.”

“I didn’t think they were gonna fuck you up that bad. And it wasn’t - it wasn’t s’pposed to be real. ” Yellow eyes dart around, looking at anything but Gordon.

“The fuck does that mean?”

“It was just a game. It wasn’t real. You’re just, you were just some dude playing a video game, right? When Mario gets punched it’s like, whatever. The guy playing doesn’t care. If he gets punched enough though maybe he’ll just like....give up. Bowser gets to, uh, release the princess and go fuck around. I didn’t....'s supposed to just be a game over when Mario gets beat up. Load save.”

“And what about the boss shit at the end? Where you were, y’know, trying to kill me?”

A flicker of emotion flashes over Benrey’s face, before he goes back to his usual deadpan stare. “Uhhhhhh. Bow -”

Gordon shakes his head, “No, no more of that fucking Mario metaphor. Just - can you just talk like a normal person for five minutes?”

“Nah.”

Gordon wants to tear his hair out. He pinches his nose, taking a deep breath, and then another, until he feels like he can speak without trying to beat the shit out of Benrey. “Just. Answer the question. Why did you try to kill me?”

“I don’t remember?”

“Are you fucking with me right now?”

“No!” Benrey says, something close to offense in his voice, like he's actually hurt Gordon doesn’t believe him, but then he drops right back into that tired tone he usually has. “It was all...fuzzy. TV static, but like, in my head? And nothing, uh, nothing was like….real. I just….” he shrugs, picking at his nails. “‘I’m just vibing, bro.” Gordon takes another deep breath, cleaning his fists and preparing to say something, but Benrey presses on. “I tried to turn back. Before we went in, I told you, we had to go back. You didn’t listen.”

“Of course I didn’t listen!” He throws his arms up in the air in sheer exasperation. “You’d been saying nothing but bullshit up until then! How do I know this isn’t more bullshit, huh? How do I know you’re not just - trying to get me to let my guard down, so you can actually kill me?”

Benrey makes a low noise, accompanied by a handful of brownish-blue bubbles. “‘m not,” he mutters. “I didn’t - I don’t wanna be bad.” The shadow over his eyes is black now, the yellow of his eyes unsettlingly dim.

“Then why not fucking say something? ”

“Couldn’t.”

Gordon raises an eyebrow. “And why’s that?”

“It’s like - uh -” They smack their lips again. “Like a fucking, uh, dam. The thing beavers make. Beaver can’t get through.”

At least he’s dropped the Mario metaphor. “Okay. So. Let me recap. You….didn’t want to be the villain, you were trying to get me to...quit? And when that didn’t work, you intentionally pissed me off so I’d kill you at the end ‘cause you couldn’t actually say what was going on.”

“Basically, yeah.”

Well, fuck. When Gordon says it out loud like that it’s….actually kinda sad.

No. No! He’s not gonna start feeling bad for fucking Benrey of all people. Gordon balls his fists, pushing down every stupidly sympathetic emotion he’s having. “Okay. Let’s backtrack a bit. Why are you telling me all this?”

Benrey shrugs. “Got tired of waiting for you to kill me.”

“I already said, I’m not -”

Benrey glitches. His face disappears for a second, replaced by a cracked and decayed skull, and then suddenly he’s normal again. A shriek tears its way out of Gordon as he backs away from them, almost slamming into the wall. For a second he’s back in Xen, watching Benrey’s massive form glitch and deform, and then he shakes his head and reminds himself that he’s in his apartment and Benrey is at least the size of a human being. “What the hell was that?”

“How come you don’t believe me but I’m supposed to believe you? Huh? Gordon got trust issues? Gordon skeptic man?”

“I think I’ve got more than enough reasons to have fucking trust issues, man!” He’s still pressed against the wall, hands curling into fists.

“But Benrey’s gotta trust you. Benrey’s not allowed to be scared.”

“Are you saying you’re fucking afraid of me? ”

Benrey’s Sweet Voice is high pitched and vaguely dark, like a bubble made of shadows. Gordon can’t translate, but it feels like a yes.

“You know what? I think I’m okay with that.” Gordon peels himself off the wall, stepping closer to Benrey, holding out his prosthetic hand. “Now you get how I felt the entire fucking time we were in Black Mesa.”

The bubbles get darker, a deep, almost dripping black. “‘m sorry,” Benrey mumbles.

Gordon blinks. “What?”

They repeat themself, louder this time. “I’m sorry. For. Uh. Everything?”

The only thing Gordon can think to say is, “What the fuck?”

“I’m tryna be nice!” Benrey says. He’s pouting . Like a little kid or some shit. “It’s called an apology , bro.”

“I know what a fucking apology is! I just wasn’t expecting one from you , of all people!”

“I don’t wanna be bad,” Benrey says quietly. “Can I go now?”

“What?” Fuck, with everything else they’ve been...arguing about, Gordon forgot this whole thing started because Benrey was trying to leave. “No!”

Benrey opens his mouth, looking like he’s about to say something, but all that comes out is Sweet Voice. A lot of Sweet Voice. Black to red, gray to clear, dripping black, translucent dark, swirling around him until Gordon can’t even see Benrey under all the bubbles. When they fade...Benrey’s still standing there, and he’s crying.

Gordon’s never seen him cry before.

“I don’t wanna be bad,” Benrey says again. “This was supposed to be my chance to be not bad.” They scrub at their eyes, turning away from Gordon. “This - this is sucks.”

Fuck.

He doesn’t want to feel bad. He doesn’t want to feel sympathetic. Benrey spent the entire time they were in Black Mesa trying to fuck with Gordon, and a few tears don’t erase that.

But.

“I believe you,” Gordon says. Benrey turns back around.

“Whu?”

“I believe you,” Gordon says again. “That you didn’t wanna...do everything that you did.” He pauses, closing his eyes for a second. “And - I’m sorry too.”

Benrey stares. Does not blink. Continues to not blink as the silence drags on, until Gordon feels like he has to say something else.

“I kinda...assumed you were a piece of shit from the beginning. Didn’t really give you a chance, I guess. So. I’m sorry for all of that, and for the whole, killing you thing.”

“You don’t gotta apologize for that,” Benrey mumbles. He’s still not blinking, eyes wide. “Uh. Thanks.”

“And - if you really wanna leave….” Gordon sighs. He still doesn’t trust Benrey, not in the way he trusts Tommy and Dr Coomer and even Bubby. But. “I’m not gonna stop you.”

“If I stay are you gonna….be less mad? Less Gordon Angy Momence?”

“I’ll - I’ll try.”

“I, uh. I think I’ll stay.”

“I’m gonna -” Fuck, he’d been planning on getting up before this. He’d been all ready to start his day. Yeah, fuck that. “I’m gonna go back to sleep.”

“Gordon sleepman,” Benrey says, nodding his head. He taps his fingers together. “Hey,” he says, holding his hands up. “You wanna. Uh. Hug?”

He’s not even gonna try to understand what’s happening now. “You know what? Sure.” He steps forward and lets Benrey wrap his arms around him, and after a moment, wraps his around them. It’s….not entirely unpleasant. Benrey is a good bit shorter than Gordon, so with them leaning in against his chest he ends up with his head perched on theirs, hat scratching his chin a bit. Benrey’s arms are thick and strong, and the way he’s holding Gordon should be terrifying but somehow it’s not.

He steps back after a minute, scrubbing at his face again. “Cool. Uh. Poggers,” Benrey says, and Gordon rolls his eyes but he’s smiling a little despite himself.

“Good - well, it’s not night anymore, but. You get the idea. I’m gonna go pass out.”

“Cool,” Benrey says again.

Gordon stumbles back into his room, collapsing into bed. It’s the most peaceful sleep he’s had in a month.

(Sweet Voice Translation notes: gray to clear: i shouldn’t be here black to red: i should be dead dirty blue: i don’t wanna hurt you dark like the shade: i’m afraid black and tarry: i’m sorry)