#he gets c tier very boring and unlikeable character

[peterparkersnose]

I stand by my choices

[fandomwe1rd0]

Rick and Morty: The Anime ranking!

Oh god I dreaded this day. Sooo if you wanna see me angrily ranting about a cartoon, this is the post for you! I will be ranking every episode of the Rick and Morty anime! Just to be clear, I'm not gonna do tiers like how I did for the show, since in comparison to the actual show, all of these would be F tier or AT BEST D tier, so just keep in mind in comparison to the actual show, these are Fs, I will still try to be detailed with the reviews though. Also I had to torture myself to rewatch the anime for this ranking, I hope you guys are happy, I had to force my eyeballs open Clockwork Orange style, y'all just want to see me suffer. I had to drink coffee to get through this because this was so bad and I needed some engry cause this was so soul sucking that it took all of my motivation. AND I DON'T EVEN FUCKING DRINK COFFEE BECAUSE IT'S TOO BITTER! I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE HAPPY! YOU DID THIS! (Just kidding, I love y'all mwah!) Ok now that I'm done bitching and moaning, let's get this going by continuing to bitch and moan about the anime! Now, I am aware that some people like the anime, and if you do, that's perfectly fine! Not everyone HAS to have the same opinion as me, I mean this is just a cartoon anyway, buttttt if you do like it, I would suggest skipping this post since my opinion on it is uhhh very negative especially if you like Elle, I will be very mean to her, this post will be an extermely unhinged rant, so please enjoy while I suffer! Spoilers for the anime ahead! Reviews under the cut! Unlike my previous tier list, I will be starting from the best and working my way down, let's get this started!

1. Fighting Mother. This is the best episode of the series! That being said it's still...not...good...I mean let's start off with the positives, the reason why this episode is the best one is because the animation for the combat is really good! Especially the animation in the fight scene between Space Beth and Tammy it's admittedly really smooth, like I kid you not it's actually...good! I feel like it's what the anime COULD'VE been but just...wasn't, it sucks because it could've been good but it just...isn't. This episode is mercifully short, being only 17 minutes. And baby Morty is adorable. I also do like Shaggy Rick, I feel like his character is legitimately interesting, too bad they didn't do as much as they could've done with it. Space Beth was also admittedly likable. Also Elle isn't here! Yayyyy! FUCK ELLE! Also, the music for the fight scene between Space Beth and Tammy fucking SLAPS! I just wish the fight scene was longer tbh. Ok anyway onto the negatives, the side plot between the Ricks are...fine...I guess, I've got no opinion on it, it's just kinda boring. I don't like the weird moral high ground Rick takes, why is he bothered at all by Shaggy Rick "throwing that family away"? Also...how is Shaggy Rick throwing that family away? Am I dumb or what? Also, NO THE RICK FROM THE ANIME IS NOT C-137! SAY SIKE RN! Also the ending is so random and anti climatic. And this is the first instance of them turning Morty into a pathetic little bitch boy and Rick being an asshole with no charmisa, charm, humor, or anything that made him my favorite character in the first place, all he is is that slightly grumpy old man all of the girl scouts hate being assigned at the nursing home! Woowee I love it when my favorite characters are derailed and turned into twisted shadows of their former self written by a bad fanfic don't you!?

2. Alien Elle. You know the episode is gonna suck when Elle's name is in the title. Fucking ELLE! Stupid fucking self-insert mary sue...ok, ok, being mean...lemme start with the positives! Uh...Shaggy Rick is back...so uhm...that's cool I guess. I also like how we get a canon Morty birthday, also...MORTY'S HEIGHT IS DIFFERENT IN THE ANIME! SEE?! THAT'S PROOF THAT THAT'S NOT MY BOY! (I-I mean I know it's space Morty but please shut up...) Either that or the anime writers didn't watch the show before making the anime....nahhhh of COURSE they watched the show that's why the show is so much like the anime right....? Righhtttttttt? (Watching the anime fucking sucks please kill me) Also, I'm sure this was unintentional, but the scene where Morty is looking for Elle kinda parallels the scene where Rick is looking for Prime, so that's cool! I mean even down the Morty printing a picture Elle out of his head like how Rick did with Prime! Too bad I care so little about Elle. Okay! Onto the negatives! Fucking ELLE! She HAD to ruin the episode, of course she randomly earns someone's trust because her style is just wonderful! Even though they didn't even know a damn thing about each other! This episode is so goddamn BORING! Like it bores me out of my mind, like most of the anime but still. Elle and Morty's relationship is again very rushed and boring. They are the reason why the rule "Show, don't tell" exists! It tells us about how happy and amazing Elle is and how much Morty loves her without showing it to us, and Morty is just reduced to being Elle's proud boyfriend, I mean he isn't even doing good things because he's just a good natured kid, it's all for FUCKING ELLE IT SUCKS IT SUCKS SO BAD! I don't like the rants they go on about multiverse, they try too hard to sound smart. And Space Morty and Rick's dynamic is just...kinda lame honestly, it's just a cliche mentor-student relationship that's been protrayed hundreds of times before, which is huge wasted potential, you could've grappled more with Shaggy Rick's guilt since he feels like he's replacing his original Morty who died, that could've been some serious interesting internal conflict that coul;d've fleshed him out as a character! But nope! All he does is tell Morty not to call him grandpa andddd...that's it! OH WOW I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH DON'T YOU ALL OF THE CHARACTERS ARE TOTALLY HUMAN AND COMPLEX AND NOT AT ALL SEEM LIKE THEY ARE FORM A BAD FANFIC I LOVE THIS ANIME DON'T YOU?! This episode also sucks! But I mean, it didn't infuriate me as much as I thought it would, it mostly just bored me out of my school, this episode probably would've been better if it wasn't for FUCKING ELLE! FUCK ELLE! ALL MY HOMIES HATE ELLE! Although that can be said for any episode of the anime so eh.

3. Family. UGHHH WHY IS THIS EPISODE 21 MINUTES JUST LET ME DIE NOW PLEASE! Uhh on the plus side, YAY WE GET MINIMUM ELLE IN THIS EPISODE! I mean…she's still here but at least she doesn't do much. Jerry and Jerry Prime are…fine…even though I care very little about Jerry's superhero arc. Now onto the negatives! This episode doesn't have a lot of positives, but it doesn't have a lot of negatives either, it's just a boring, unmemorable episode. Rick and Morty do interact, but it's just kinda boring and it sucks how they can make their dynamic boring, Morty is a damsel in distress, Rick is a boring character, Jerry is just a goofy dad who's also a superhero…for some reason…they also make Jerry pathetic but eh…I mean at least they are trying to do something that the original show did…why is a weird green guy here? What purpose does he bring to the story? And some of the dialogue feels unnatural, Mr. Nimbus is here, but he doesn't do much, at least his character wasn't assassinated like my boys. I know it tried for a happy family, but I care so little for this version of the Smith family that I felt nothinggg! Really this episode is just boring, but at least it's not infuriatingly bad.

4. When we Meet in our Dreams. This episode is just another boring one. There's not a whole lotta positives, but I guess Space Beth was ok. And so was Shaggy Rick, still wasted potential though. He could've been SO much more interesting. I mean the story here at least made some amount of sense, like I was actually able to follow along! A rare treat in the anime! There's a lot of action, but none of it is particularly interesting in my personal opinion. Elle is here and she sucks but she doesn't have a lot of screentime, so she doesn't make the episode suck as much as she usually does. But of FUCKING course Space Morty's last words are "I love you Elle" EVEN THOUGH HIS MOM AND GRANDPA ARE RIGHT FUCKING THERE BUT NOPE HE JUST WANTED TO TALK TO ELLE! I really did not care about his death and it's anti climatic, but it could've been worse I guess, I just care very little about Space Morty since he's only been in a handful of episodes. Elle like sacrifices herself to save Morty? I dunno it's very convoluted and stupid. This episode is just kinda boring, but at least it isn't infuriating.

5. The Girl Who Manipulates Time. I…am so confused…why was there an alternate version of Summer if she's never seen or heard from again…w-why is she here? Why was that needed? I mean..I guess the gay drama between alien bureaucrats are…fine…I mean it's one of the only entertaining things about the anime…so uh…there's that. Wait wait no start with the positives…uhhhh I like the theme song, I mean that's a positive about every episode but this was the first time we see it, and I hate that it's actually really good…like I'm sorry but it might actually be better than the show's theme song, but of course fucking ELLE is in every single frame. Fuck Elle fr. But whatever, the theme song's good! It does a good job hyping you up. The backgrounds here are admittedly really pretty. Uhm…I guess every character is…ok? I mean they are all kinda boring but…they aren't…unlikable. I will give this some leeway, since first episodes tend to be a little iffy. Now onto the negatives! The plot is extremely basic, it's been done a million times, being stuck in a simulation, Tron, Die Now, Free Guy…need I go on? This episode introduces a boring side character that only gets brought up in this episode and the finale, and no, you do not need to watch this episode to understand his role in the finale, he literally just exists here to pad out run time and he is so forgettable I can't remember his name, I just watched this episode and I don't remember. Elle unconsensually kisses Morty so that is not big fun, and she like…never gets called out for this? It's just acted like some normal thing people in healthy relationships do? Like no bitch, DON'T KISS SOMEONE WHO CLEARLY DOESN'T REMEMBER YOU! Also Rick so clearly doesn't care about Morty in the anime, I'm sorry, he literally didn't care enough to make sure Morty could come back from the game no matter how deep he got, #notmyrick. This is embarrassing for a Rick fan like me, this isn't my favorite character ok!? I refuse to believe my Rick and the Rick from the anime are the same person. The story is confusing but it's trying to make you think it's smart by using smart people words, but it doesn't work and makes it more confusing. And of course, Rick and Morty don't interact, which is a trend in the anime. What? You thought Rick and Morty would interact in a show called RICK AND MORTY THE ANIME!? No! Of course not! Don't be stupid! A-also how…how can Elle not tell that our Morty isn't space Morty? S-she can tell the future…why…why are you even giving her that power if she isn't going to use it…? Plothole ahoy! Also…who's gonna tell the writers of the anime that being able to manipulate time and being able to tell the future isn't the same thing…? Also of fucking course Elle's ridiculously over powered…also her and Morty's relationship is extremely forced. Anyways, this episode sucks. Shitty start for a shitty series, it's fitting, really.

6. Memories. Another mercifully short episode! Only 18 minutes! Let's get the positives out off the way first! I did feel like Jerry was pretty in character, although I kinda dislike how all they made him was a goofy dad- wait. positives. I need to talk about the positives…uhhhh Summer was fine I guess…I like how they didn't do any weird clone shit with the Beths, although I feel like they could've expanded more on the tension between them, uhm…I liked how it showed the conflict between Beth and Jerry's marriage, even if they ended up doing nothing with it!! Uhhh Shaggy Rick has 1 good scene where he thought about his dead Morty so that's cool ig…they still do nothing with it though. YAY WHAT A GREAT ANIME! THE CHARACTERS ARE SO COMPLEX! Morty isn't made into a pathetic bitch boy! But he is made into just being Elle's proud boyfriend..hm. Ok onto the negatives! Rick and Morty interact but it fucking SUCKS! Rick is just an asshole to Morty and not in a lovable way, I mean he literally threatened to CLONE MORTY IN THEIR FIRST MINUTE OF MEETING WHAT THE FUCK! And Morty of course doesn't say anything because he can't stand up for himself in the anime I guess. They try too hard to make emotional moments, like with Morty and Shaggy Rick, but they only had one episode, so the amount I care about their relationship is very, VERY little. Shaggy Rick is infinite wasted potential, I get they want to have mutiple storylines, but I am just confused. ELLE IS FUCKING HERE AGAIN BEING A FUCKING MARU SUE AND GIVING THE CHARACTERS THE ADVICE THEY NEED OF FUCKING COURSE AND EVERYONE TRUSTS HER WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT EVEN FUCKING RICK WHO'S WHOLE THING IS THAT HE HAS TROUBLE TRUSTING OTHER PEOPLE! AND OF COURSE SHE FUCKING SAVES RICK! BECAUSE SHE"S PERFECT AND AMAZING SHE"S SUCH A SHITTY FUCKING CHARACTER! AND EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY FUCKING TRUSTS HER AND LOVES HER INSTANTLY AND WHY IS BETH SO FUCKING DUMB WHY LET A COMPLETE STRANGER LIVE WITH YOU AND SLEEP IN YOUR SON'S ROOM YOU KNOW THEY ARE DATING AND YOU KNOW WHAT TEENAGERS DO YOU FUCKING IDIOT AND HOW CAN ELLE NOT TELL THAT THIS ISN'T SPACE MORTY SHE CAN TELL THE FUTURE HAVE HER USE IT FUCK NO I WON'T TAKE MY ANGER MEDS FUCK OFF

7. Feel, Don't Think. This episode fucking sucks. WHY IS IT 20 MINUTES! Again, no positives so let's just angrily rant about the episode together! Unless you like this episode in that case uh…I'm sorry. Elle is again worshipped, the stakes are very low but they are supposed to be high, I just care very little about these characters, Morty is turned into a pathetic little bitch boy, Rick is just an asshole with no depth, I mean…at least the story made sense? But that really shouldn't be a positive. Rick and Morty do interact, but it wasn't anything great, Rick is just an asshole and regresses back to how he was in season 4 of the show, which fucking sucks. They make a puberty joke with Morty that just wasn't funny, and again I care very little about Elle, I fucking hate that bitch, can we stop focusing on her? Please? No? We still got 2 episodes to go…ughhhh…just kill me now.

8. A Pain in the Back. This episode was a pain in the back to get through (Heh, heh. Funny joke.) A very Elle heavy episode...whatever this is the finale..let's just get this over with so I can watch something good and be done with this anime...ok so one positive..gay representation! Frank, yeah that was the forgettable guy's name, has a thing for Morty...why is this anime so romance heavy? Whatever, even though nothing happens, it's still kinda cool to see, but for some reason Morty keeps going out of his way to spend time with him despite being married to Elle, yeah he marries Elle and despite Morty having 2 adults models, they just use him as a kid for some reason, Morty isn't a pathetic bitch boy, but he's just a boring stupid character. Rick suddenly cares about Morty now...because that was what the show does so we have to do it but we have to do it significantly worse! It feels so forced and unnatural because Rick never cared about Morty until the plot demanded it, I mean he literally hesitated and told Elle not to be stupid when she told him to do something that will save Morty last episode, A Rickle in Time? That episode never existed silly! You're just making stuff up in your head again! (I AM GASLIGHTING YOU!) And the ending tries to be impactful but it solves nothing, I did find it kind of funny that nobody cared when Elle died though since it was meant to be an emotional moment when it happened but it wasn't enough to save this dumpster fire of a finale.

9. Her Innermost Wish. This episode again fucking sucks, Elle dies and I legit feel nothing. Morty is so fucking pathetic, he cries 10 times in this episode. Space Beth for some reason can't fathom why someone like Elle would want to date MORTY because Elle is perfect because ofc she is. I care very little about Elle and Space Morty but they try to make us emotional but it doesn't work. Elle is surprised that Morty isn't Space Morty b-but…she can tell the future..I h-how did she not know MAKE YOUR ANIME MAKE SENSE WHY DID YOU EVEN MAKE IT THAT ELLE CAN TELL THE FUTURE IT LITERALLY DOES NOTHING AT ALL AND JUST ADDS A HUGE GLARING PLOTHOLE AND THIS IS COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T NOTICE PLOTHOLES. Rick and Morty hug, but it feels so empty because they barely even interacted and Rick showed no sign of caring about Morty. And again, STOP FOCUSING ON ELLE I DON'T CARE ABOUT HER BITCH ASS! Oh god they're aren't going to stop…I wanna die

10. Free Will. No...god no please no..no...NOOOO! I was dreading this episode I promise you, it is SO BAD! UGHH WHY IS IT SO LONG 19 MINUTES!? WHYYY! I'll be honest, there really isn't any positives, so I'll just rant about this episode, good? Good. Why is Tammy in the opening? it does nothing and contributes nothing it's just there to pad out the run time. Oh boy I love filler! Elle fucking sucks as usual, if you weren't convinced she's a mary sue now, you will be convinced after this episode, everyone praises Elle and talks about how amazing she is, Beth talks about how much she likes the girl, she's already popular at school, they try to surprise you by revealing that Elle is anti-matter but I literally wasn't surprised at all, there is also no foreshadowing but they treat it like some super cool reveal. And basically she is anti matter and unless Rick gets rid of some device, the world will slowly deterorate because matter and anti matter can't exist in the same place, and this was the PERFECT chance to give Elle SOME personality but nope! Whatever Rick decides to do is fine because she's happy that she got to meet Morty! THIS EPISODE IS SO FUCKING BAD AH! It's centered around fucking ELLE. If you decide to watch the anime, please, PLEASE skip this episode! It is bad I promise! Don't waste 19 minutes of your life that you'll NEVER get back! It's not worth it I PROMISE YOU! And of fucking course Elle saved Space Beth because she's perfect and amazing! FUCKING MARY SUE! Ugh...whatever at least there's...4 MORE EPISODES LEFT GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!

[aurik-kal-durin]

My final Hilda episode ranking for all seasons, plus the movie.

S Tier: Most of these should be self-explanatory. The standouts I feel I must explain are The Nightmare Spirit, The Windmill, and The Yule Lads.

The Nightmare Spirit is one of my favorite episodes in the entire series because it introduces the Marra, and has some absolutely spellbinding folklore behind it, as well as some great character development for Hilda and David. I couldn't NOT put it in S tier.

The Windmill and The Yule Lads I feel are two of the more underrated episodes; the former is a superb David centric episode where he ends up being the unlikely hero, and the latter just has some really good folklore behind, and is a unique take on the Christmas special. It also has a very sweet moment between Hilda and David at the end, which makes it even better in my book.

A Tier: These episodes are not as good as S tier, but are still brimming with charm, and thus are a joy to watch. Whether they have some fascinating folklore behind them, some good character development, or some just some funny or otherwise iconic moments (like David standing up to the Marra, or telling off Frida) these episodes are just as infinitely rewatchable as S tier most of the time.

These episodes formed the backbone of the series and kept me watching from beginning to end. They form a key element that is missing from most other cartoons, and made the difference between keeping me entertained... and feeling like the series was being padded out with unnecessary filler, as has been the case with the majority of shows I've watched in the last 15 years.

B Tier: This is more of a matter of personal preference, but episodes in this tier I just found were a bit of a chore to get through.

The Black Hound, I felt, was a lackluster ending to an otherwise amazing first season.

The Draugen wasn't bad, but I always found it to be pretty "meh" compared to the episodes I have in higher tiers.

C Tier: The House in the Woods was just kind of a boring episode, and I have mixed feelings about The Mountain King. My biggest issue with the movie is with Trylla, the mother troll, her warped justification for kidnapping Hilda, and the fact that she almost got Johanna KILLED while hiding the truth from Hilda. Sorry, but I cannot overlook that.

D Tier: Episodes in this tier all had something that held them back, but weren't so bad that I had a hard time watching them from start to finish.

The Troll Circle was a bland and meandering opening to the second season, and it introduced us to Ahlberg, who was at his most annoying in that episode.

The Beast of Cauldron Island had a lot of things I didn't like, such as the continuation of Frida's awful character arc for Season 2, and David being reduced to a useless coward yet again.

Strange Frequencies made all of the characters unlikeable and OOC while focusing too much on the nisse, when it should've focused on Hilda's dad.

F Tier: These are the few episodes in all of Hilda that I consider to be genuinely bad to the point where they're unwatchable.

The Witch kickstarts Frida's awful character arc for Season 2, dumbs down Hilda to make Frida look smarter, strips the Librarian of her mystique from Season 1, and introduces some unlikable and annoying new characters in the form of the Committee of Three.

The Eternal Warriors uses all of it's runtime to make fun of David, reducing him to a useless coward, and giving us some really cringe-inducing scenes when he becomes fearless.

The Jorts Incident is the single worst episode of the entire series, wasting the potential of the tide mice on a forgettable side character and a lazy Ghostbusters homage... while also reducing David to a useless coward yet again!

The Giantslayer is a pointless time travel side quest that portrays the giants as victims even as they're carelessly stepping on people's houses and ruining their entire lives.

[raxistaicho]

Could you elaborate on your gameplay tier list please ? Like what you think of the gameplay of each game

Yeah, for sure :)

S tier

New Mystery of the Emblem is just very tightly balanced and it really teaches you to respect things like enemy move order, spacing, and damage counting, and the rainbow potions, reclassing, and the star shards strongly reward careful examination of stat benchmarks. Also it's one of the few games in the series where nearly every promoted class has some valuable niche (Warrior sadly doesn't live up).

Thracia is kind of on the extreme opposite end of things, where instead it's very experimental and just flat busted in a lot of ways, and there's a lot of oddball ways to build units (Amalda spamming a sleep staff while holding a fire sword is a good example) and the game is actually well balanced around getting you to exploit its busted mechanics, which fits the story of Thracia.

Conquest in a lot of ways is kinda like New Mystery's answer to modern Fire Emblem. Kinda the same stuff is all there.

A tier

Tear Ring Saga has some really fascinating ways to make units unique from one another (Maerhen would so easily just be hot garbage but he actually has a fun niche, Raquel is one of the best-designed turn based strategy game units I've ever seen) and he and it has a better party split than Gaiden or Sacred Stones could dream of having (which lends to replayability) but it's also a LONG game (I think it has around 40 chapters not counting map spawns and dungeons) and has some just inexplicably shitty units who have absolutely no value to bring to a party.

Shadow Dragon is mini New Mystery in a lot of ways. Its first three chapters are hot garbage but the mid-game is actually quite fun and there’s unexpected ways to make some units work out. Also being able to control ballisticians is all kind of fun.

Three Houses REALLY pushes you to learn and use all its myriad ways to build a team (see my post on why “oops all wyverns” is stupid), and I’m just really into the character and team-building side of it. That said, I can easily see why the monastery would get very tedious and the map design is really weak, honestly.

B tier

Birthright is my first guilty pleasure game. I just think it’s a pretty solidly-built game with no major flaws aside from being rout-heavy and Ryoma being hilariously busted.

Radiant Dawn is a super guilty pleasure game, lol. I like some of the creative things it tried, and ledges brought some really nice strategic depth to some maps, but there’s no denying the game is a balance disaster.

Mystery of the Emblem is just distilled good Fire Emblem design, but the game shows its age and it’s unbearably slow to play nowadays.

Binding Blade has a really good mid and late game, but the starting squad’s competence is a myth. Accuracy is a joke. We are all pawns, controlled by something greater: huge maps and status staves! The DNA of Binding Blade!

C tier

Genealogy of the Holy War is a game I’ve soured on. As I mentioned earlier on I like team and character building, but unlike Three Houses and Conquest the answer is actually who fucking cares about the other kids when you have Seliph and Leif. I unironically really like chapter 2, don’t @ me. But yeah, this game’s very slow to play and enemies are pretty incompetent compared to your chosen lord.

Shadows of Valentia is plagued by questionable map design, units that get samey once they promote, and just honestly getting kinda boring as the game progresses. Another guilty pleasure, since it does do some things I kinda like, like town exploration and dungeons.

D tier

Path of Radiance, slow as fuck game. Everything takes forever, the enemies are incompetent but really bulky, and late game basically devolves into A-moving a bunch of paladins and fliers at the enemy.

Awakening, fucking balance disaster of a game. You’re better off just lowmaning and making an unkillable juggernaut because difficulty is all about bigger enemy numbers and more enemies. Basically every map just swarms you with bodies in the hopes that eventually one of them manages to get the wheels on your meat grinder caught.

And as I mentioned, I haven’t played 7 or 8 recently enough to fairly vote, but 7 would not get very high (most of the unpromoted units are not worth bothering to raise, the ranked system is terribly designed, and higher difficulties fucking restrict your deploy slots) and 8 might be middling at best (just really weak challenge)

[crystalelemental]

With the turn of the new year soon upon us, now is as good a time as any to present another rendition of my favorite sync pairs.  There are a lot now, but we’re keeping it to 25 to make sure it’s interesting.

25) Nanu.  Nanu’s such a fun unit.  Prior to his grid, the discovery of Screech/Bite utility kept him in a great position for F2P clears, supporting all sorts of threats like Kahili and Bugsy, or Dark-type pals like Masked Royal or Sidney.  I find myself constantly going to Nanu as a third partner.  But.  I’d be lying if I said I found him particularly consistent.  Screech is good, but often Leer feels just as valuable.  Bite only getting Aggravation 1 means 40% which isn’t great, and worse is tied to getting crits so he demands crit support even if his partner doesn’t.

24) Champion Iris.  I feel bad about it.  But C!Iris has dropped a lot.  So bad they took away her Champion designation.  Now she’s just Alt Iris.   It’s a tough life.  I think what happened here is, when you have a favorite for like over a year, eventually you reach the point where you want to try out other units.  That’s kinda what happened here, I think. She’s still good and fun, but nothing new has developed for her so I’m kinda like yeah, time to try other stuff.  Also there are a ton of Dragons, and I find myself really wanting to try those out instead, so she just doesn’t see much play.  Add in that she can be frustrating to work in Gauntlet sometimes, requiring higher-end tools than I’d like to utilize, and it’s...tough.

23) New Year Sabrina.  I still really like Sabrina as a character, but I will admit that unlike a Jasmine, Caitlin, or even Roxanne, Masters hasn’t really done anything all that interesting with Sabrina, who often feels very uninteresting.  Perhaps that’s why I’ve kinda meandered away from her a bit.  I still love the New Years alt, and find her traits fantastic...but I also have to admit she’s not doing much anymore.  I don’t get excited busting her out like I once did.  I blame competition.  Special Attack/Crit is a nice niche, but she’s decisively the worst option given how inconsistent crit rate is.  Her other buff skills are nice, but similarly inconsistent.  The one thing she does have is Endure, but now so does Winter Jasmine, who is way more consistent and useful and also I like her better.  So I feel bad.  Because I do love this alt.  But she’s definitely dropped in the rankings.

22) SC Lillie.  If you can believe it.  I do love Lillie, and I think this outfit’s adorable.  But also it’s...it’s just her original Nihilego cosplay in a different color.  I really think part of it is just that the outfit’s kinda boring.  Because otherwise, she’s a fantastically efficient special attack/crit buffer.  Who sees less use than SS Kris and SC Jasmine.  And often goes unused.  I feel weird about it.  Because she’s great utility, great design, great character.  But I’m rarely like...extremely hyped about bringing her in.  Not like the others.

21) Candice.  Candice is so much fun.  Like, as the original Common Grid leader, Candice was a shining beacon of hope for others to get similarly blessed grids, and also like someone who’d probably fall to like mid-tier performance.  She...did not do that.  In fact she’s still one of the best.  What’s more interesting is that she’s gone from just really good, to kinda absurd?  Like, her sync nuke can handle a lot of Gauntlet stages with minimal support.  Despite Fire-type weakness, she’s handled Entei and Moltres.  It’s just fun to see what kind of nonsense Candice can pull off.

20) Roxanne.  My girl.  Roxanne’s one of my favorite gym leaders, and despite being a common, Roxanne gets a ton of use.  The Endure effect was a beautiful thing to get in tandem with how much she buffs.  I feel like Roxanne isn’t particularly flashy as a unit, but what she does have is tremendous consistency.  She’s useful in almost every game mode, and performs well every time I bring her out.

19) Anniversary Lillie.  “Woah, what happened?”  Same thing with C!Iris.   But also worse, because her gimmick is kinda bad.  Piercing Blows has landed on “Not that useful” in my eyes, due to how hard it hurts DPS.   And her sync is such a joke that she’s the worst sync damage among Ghost-types if she misses Super Preparation 4.  It’s just...sad.  And at this point I find myself more excited to see what Shauntal’s grid looks like than running Lillie again.  I know a lot of people feared it, and wanted it not to happen...but I did want 5/5 Master Fair grids.  I wanted Lillie to get what she deserved.  Because this alt is really pretty, it’s a top tier pairing, and conceptually I love how it operates.  It’s just not what it used to be anymore.

18) Palentine’s Dawn.  Palentine’s Dawn has fallen on hard times.  I still love her.  The design is great, I love me a good debuffer, but she’s...okay, she’s entirely outclassed now.  Lucian is significantly more consistent, and even alleviates all gauge issues for free.   Palentine’s Dawn cannot compete with Lucian’s abilities.  It’s kind of funny just how hard he took over with just one move.  Dawn still has her utility, it’s just a lot rarer to see her used over Lucian.

17) Kahili.  Among flying types, I never really expected to gravitate toward Kahili. I always liked her design, but like most of Gen 7, she didn’t get much time.  Also Toucannon is anathema; my darling Pikipek evolved into this and I’m still sour. But here we are, with one of my favorite Flying-type damage dealers to run.  I think it’s the set.  Massive sync damage with Super Preparation on the side, or Defense Crush on Peck to really mess up Gauntlets.  She’s far from a world-beater, but I love getting Kahili to work.

16) Winona.  Another Flying girl, apparently I have a type?  Winona’s always been a top utility unit, and after grid, that’s been expanded to ludicrous extremes.  While the lack of MPR on Rain Dance hurts, Winona ultimately gets a lot to justify her use regardless.  Hurricane DPS is perfectly sufficient for most Flying-weak stages, and her sync nuke is pretty good when supported.  Granted, “supported” means SS Kris and Anni Skyla, but it’s super fun to watch her go.  Without that, the utility of Rain and Air Slash’s 60% flinch rate is divine.  Add in a trainer move that buffs speed for gauge control, and I legitimately find Winona more valuable than May.  I recognize May is far stronger and has MPR, but I find myself going to Winona every time.  She’s just great, and I love her.

15) SC Diantha.  Unlike a lot of others, there hasn’t really been strict competition for Diantha’s role as a favorite Fighting-type.  Diantha’s remained top pick for a good, long while, but I’m still enjoying breaking her out.  The ability to dominate any Gauntlet stage helps too.  She’s just so ridiculously good.

14)  SS Lyra.  I really, really love this unit.  Lyra’s outfit is adorable, and I love the added lore they give, setting it up as a dancer outfit from a prior era that was associated with Celebi.  And the battle performance.  I was supremely underestimating her.  Guaranteed flinch didn’t, and still doesn’t, feel like anything special.   Guaranteed Sleep is a thing with comparable effect, and it’s super janky thanks to consistently high resistance rates and single-target effects that mostly mess up timing.  Why would flinch be any different?  And the answer is...because Lyra’s flinch is a passive, that allows her to queue another move before it activates.  Resulting in guaranteed continuation of your gameplay flow.  Lyra...actually is the perfect utility tool.  Barring Gauntlet stages that are immune to flinch, Lyra’s a win condition on her own.  It’s great.

13) SS Dawn.  Nothing’s really changed here either, but I do want to reiterate, I love that it’s based off storybook princes she wanted to be like.  Something about that is adorable to me.  I will admit that as much as I adore the alt, I haven’t been using her as much.  I feel bad about it.  She’s great, but I’ve been taken with using worse offensive threats, and Dawn doesn’t help those out as much.

12) SC Hilda.  Similar to Diantha but more extreme.  Rock is hard to shop for.  Fighting at least has the occasional “I’m gonna try out Bruno” reaction, with the possibility of Wally if I ever wanted.  But Hilda is uncontested.  There is no other Rock-type.  Every common I’ve tried is terrible.  We really need BP or Lodge Roxanne to save that type for F2P.  But honestly, even if other options existed, Hilda’s supreme.  A cute dress for a fun character, and one of my favorite mythical Pokemon.  They’re fantastic.

11) Kris.  SHE’LL KICK YOU APART, OOO.  I adore Kris.  Masters does such a good job with her personality, and as a unit, I always kinda liked that she was a unit who had some kind of need.  But then it started to feel unfair.  She was literally the only unit in the game with unsalvageable accuracy issues.  Aaron was a glimmer of hope, but that just locked her into one option, which is never great.  But then, the expansion.  250% sync, 50% move, fixed accuracy, can buff crit to cap by herself.  Kris went from zero to hero real fast.  If I liked using her before, the acquisition of the best grid expansion just made her a delight.  Did you know she can easily truck Moltres with just Eggmon Blastoise?  Yeah.  Two uses of Rain is sufficient.  She can explode the second bar, and whatever’s left of the third.  She has to hold herself back from beating Moltres too hard in Bar 3 so Rain doesn’t leave.  Kris is ridiculous.  She’s become a go-to for all Water-weak content, and honestly content in general.

10) Lysandre.  Lysandre was always a fun option to use, especially in Gauntlet where he feels like someone who cannot die.  But truth be told, in the current era, Lysandre...feels ridiculous.  The full 5/5 grid, which I do have thanks to early player luck, absolutely rules.  Crit Strike 3 and Brainpower were perfect multiplier choices for him.  The inclusion of Downside Up is goofy, but it actually lets his trainer move buff his defenses, which plays into Healthy Buffer 5.  Lysandre got bulky again move damage now.  And being effectively immune to defensive drops means I’m willing to bet good money he’s one of the Latios solo options now.  It fixed his CS performance too.  Now his sync can actually threaten, thanks to 130% more damage behind it.  It’s so good.

9) SC Rosa.  You want to talk about what I love?  Debuffs.  Sure that won’t be relevant later.  Special Attack/evasion debuffs is such a neat combination, and the heavy debuffing of special defense off Seed Flare is just a delight.  SC Rosa has fantastic utility and the best Grass-type damage in the game, backed by great support tools.  Also, a super cute outfit, with Sky-Fome Shaymin.  Which I love.  This was such a good return.  Rosa was overdue for an alt, given her prominence in the game, and they did not disappoint.

8) Renegade Cynthia.  Still a favorite.  Nothing’s really changed.  Love the outfit, really love the role.  Do feel like she’s less exciting than she once was.  When the hype wore off, she feels more like a supporter to other Ghost-types I’m more excited about testing, but at least she maintains that relevance.

7) Winter Whitney.  This may be a touch of recency bias, but Winter Whitney rules.  Triple Terrain effects, spread debuffs/team buffs per attack, great flinch rate, legitimately absurd damage on sync despite Normal typing.  She can even tank.  She can even tank.  Whitney’s just ridiculous.  This feels so much more aligned to her as a character.  Miltank at least got good stuff with the grid, but the HGSS rematches always gave me the impression that Whitney is actually really interesting as a trainer, given some of the strategies she employs.  And Sawsbuck really feels like it fits her eclectic style.

6) Lucian.  I feel so weird leaving Lucian out of the top 5, but I stand by the favoritism that happens.  Truth is though, Lucian...might just be my most frequently used unit.  Lucian’s such a strange case of a 1/5 unit being ideal already.  Growl has that much utility.  Attack and special defense drops are great, AoE is fantastic, adding in a team speed boost each use is ridiculous. The fact that he then goes on to acquire this massive sync nuke at 3/5 is just icing. Lucian’s been useful in every mode.  He sets up fantastic clears in CS, explodes Gauntlet stages, and is integral to Day 1 no heal clears in Villa.  It often feels like there is nothing this man cannot do.

5) Winter Jasmine.  I feel like I owe Classic Red an apology for underestimating Supereffective Up Next as an applied feature.  Sure, it was because the rest of his kit doesn’t impress me while Jasmine’s does, but oooh man.  Jasmine is nuts.  SEUN on its own slams foes, but her bulk is absurd.  I have yet to see her drop.  To like...anything.  And she’s not even the one getting the immediate +3.  The fact she had double Potion MPR or the ability to block defense debuffs, or the ability to guaranteed paralyze foes that hit her, and can stack physical or special moves up next?  Jasmine’s been ridiculously fun to play.  I adore her.

4) SS Cyrus.  It is...hard to say this isn’t my favorite.  Look, I am Gen 4 fanatic, and a ton of that is Platinum and Explorers of Sky.  I loved Cyrus, I loved Darkrai, and the idea that we now live in a world where they partnered those two up?  I will never be over it.  It’s so perfect.  Add in that he’s the most consistent Dark-type damage dealer by a mile, while also providing Zone and sleep support?  Cyrus can do it all.  Not at once, but still.  He’s absurd, and I adore this one.

3) Halloween Caitlin.  Nothing’s changed, still the best.  I love Caitlin so much, and this alt is precious and devastating, and despite cries of her kit being niche, her stocks keep going up with plenty of units capping crit but not their needed offenses.

2) SC Jasmine.  While Winter Jasmine is gorgeous and I love it, SC Jasmine remains my preference.  This is partly just...Celesteela.  Jasmine and Ampharos felt so guaranteed that it could only work against them if they didn’t do it.  But putting Jasmine with my second favorite ultra beast?  That was unexpected and delightful, and she’s remained a favorite since.  Add in that she’s my favorite type of support, special attack/crit buffing, and can even drop special defense of the foe off a one-bar spam that guaranteed recharges the gauge it used?  Jasmine’s fantastic in so many ways.

1) SS Kris.  But I think Kris is still #1.  I adore this alt.  It’s gorgeous, it’s unbelievable role compression, it’s my favorite kind of buffing support.  Kris does everything I could want for a unit, and she’s kinda become my go-to for just about everything.  Even stuff that doesn’t strictly need Rain, I’ve started going to her even before Jasmine lately.  She’s just so good.  And the outfit’s fantastic, the pairing with Suicune is ideal.  Everything about SS Kris is still the best.  Top unit introduction for the year, absolutely.

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi, Meat p6 reaction

I gotta say, snatching people from the Game Over timeline was a good way to invest us back into these characters. Plus, unlike the post-canon selves, they don't have 'certain victory' all written over them - by which I mean that I think it's unlikely they would be killed outside Universe C, since its existence and their ability to live in it was their Ultimate Reward. Admittedly, the planet they've inherited is less than ideal, but that was never stipulated in the rules.

Meanwhile, John himself with his retcon powers remains more earthed in the plot, also because this was the timeline he originated from in the first place. Still unsure how the fact there's 1 John but 2 versions of his selves will get resolved though.

I kind of doubt the New Game Plus versions (Cosmic Reset? still unsure on what to call them) are going to be joining their adult selves in Universe C, though the idea of the post-canon selves serving as guardians amuses me. I also doubt the NGP's are going to create their own timeline in Universe C to inhabit, with John joining them after 7 years. They would be deprived of 7 years of John, and even though he mostly kept to himself in the post-canon timeline, that would kind of suck, and not even Dirk creating an Autoresponder for John could bridge the time difference adequately. So, I figure they might just pick up one of the spare teen Johns (or rather, export one from the timeline, just like how John is now duplicating the Game Over selves). Maybe the one (John) that John sent to LOWAS when he went back to consult Terezi.

... Hmm, after seeing Blaperile checking out the Load Game & Save Game links on Homestuck, I think I've decided to call this new timeline the Reload timeline!! :D

Anyway, I suppose we're in for a perspective switch back to John now, and indeed like I said previously, I think LOLAR is the most likely candidate. It wouldn't feel entirely right for John to leave Rose hanging for now in favour of, say, fetching Dirk first.

---

"The sky is really blue. But it’s a different kind of blue than Earth C’s sky; it’s less, somehow, like someone took a photo of the sky and turned the contrast down a little, just enough to make the clouds blend into the horizon." ... This is Andrew Hussie criticizing his own art, isn't it? Hahah! This must be LOLAR, so I guess it's back to John now, since we're in Command Prompt Land again.

"That is to say, it isn’t the kind of sky promised by a paradise planet. Just an ordinary one." Oh sure, that's the in-story explanation: it lacks promise.

"You realize suddenly how much you’ve missed the ordinary, as opposed to the supposedly perfect." Oooh, heheh, guess John got bored by the idyllic parts of Earth C.

"You’ve been away from home almost as many years as you lived there. It’s not just the sky. Everything else is exactly and nothing like you remembered it: the scent of damp grass, the quality of the air, the solitude." Wait what? John went back to Earth?? What plot point could he mess up there without messing up the events leading up to the Reload timeline? ... Has he travelled back to his own atmospheric page? Since he says he's "home", it isn't the exile's future or Dirk and Roxy's. Guess it'll be either John's actual home or Jane's, but... What could he do here that wouldn't mess up the timeline?? ... Steal Jane's Dad just before she Enters? No, wait, she tried to follow him around on LOCAH...

Yeah, Blaperile's correct in that if he sees his Dad, he'll be very sad.

"A woodpecker raps away incessantly at the tree with the tire swing outside your old bedroom window." XDSFSFSF, so it's really his home, in the past! ... I would rather like him to visit his Dad's past, but I doubt we'll ever see his childhood. Still, what could Rose have sent him here to retrieve?

"You couldn’t think of anywhere else to go, so you and your little army are sitting in a circle in your old backyard exactly one week before the meteors hit." Hopy shit, he didn't zap them to blankspace???? Hah, I guess John's at school and Dad's at work. And the neighbours... Well, the suburb might be deserted during office hours, actually. Would be funny if in the background, an elder crazy cat lady is seen ogling them from behind her curtains, or something.

Wow, okay, so, in case he's already went and fetched... everyone of the B1 and B2 kids, and his "little army" is complete, this must be a time skip! That must've been an awkward meeting altogether! Welp, so much for the conversation with Terezi, and seeing Karkat & Kanaya's response (in case he fetched Jane right about the time she was on LOFAF).

"It’s you, Rose, Dave, Jade, and all four of your teenage progenitors, each dressed in god tier garb. No trolls. No one who can die" Yep... Guess, like some of the platform conversations, as well as the LOMAX ones, we'll just have to imagine all the fluff. It's the Meat path for a reason, after all. We're jumping straight to the Meat of the rest of the "meat-up". :mspa:

"No one who can die from anything less than a heroic sacrifice. At least, this is what you assume to be the reasoning for Rose’s instructions to assemble your party this way." Well, Rose might have had a Light vision showing only they went to confront Caliborn, so then this is just self-fullfilling prophecy. Guess we're left with the idea that, in the abandoned session, everything might still have gone to shit, if no-one of these kids came back. We know how the confrontation between Aranea and )(IC went, and how the trolls fared against them all. Eeesh, I hope that's not the fate in store for these versions of Terezi, Kanaya and Karkat. One Game Over death for them was enough.

"Wind slices down the street, between the neat rows of bungalows. It’s chilly, carrying air from the mountaintops with it. Even that feels different. The wind moves through you now, under your skin and right into your bones, skimming their hollows the same way it does the homes of your salamander neighbors, or the open mailbox in front of your childhood house." The wind still skims the void, but the boy is part of the wind now. Hey, I didn't know of the mountains near John's home. Are they in the direction of Pipe lake?

"The smell of a cake baking wafts from the open window and the sick stench of browning sugar fills the yard. You used to hate that too, but now it makes you want to—" ... PFffff, so Dad IS home. Unless he put a cake in the oven and put a timer on, we know he owns a timer. Now I picture Dad seeing a bunch of people in coloured pyjamas in his yard and immediately putting a cake on. Those poor, homeless clowns deserve some real food after all. :mspa:

"> Dude, don’t cry in front of all the cool teen versions of your friends.

You hold back your tears with a big, ugly snort." Aww... I actually thought he wanted to just run in and hug his Dad, actually. But this...

"Jake is sort of ruining the mood anyway by bouncing away on your old Green Slime pogo. Doesn’t he realize how dangerous that thing is? Of course not. The fool." Jake, stop, what are you doing. Behave yourself, man! It's like he's a goddamned empty-headed consort.

"Dave fractures the silence by broaching a subject that’s on everyone’s mind but yours, apparently." Why he's an adult now?

"DAVE: so whats gonna happen to everyone we left in the wrecked time line" ... How thoughtful, actually. I mean, John can't just dismiss them as irrelevant. No matter the actual state of the timeline and their relevance to the ending, Kanaya's Rose's girlfriend, Terezi is Dave's ex, Karkat is still John's buddy and the mayor is the mayor! The other dudes, PM and the villains, as well as the sprites though, are less relevant to this party. Hope John doesn't say the timeline has vanished into the void by now, like Alt Future Dave's.

"JOHN: uh, well. JOHN: i don’t know actually. i’ve been to that time line four times now and it always pretty much goes to shit." It also happens to be your timeline. So, what does he count as his separate appearances in the timeline, then? He appeared in Dave's room, out in LOHAC, on LOFAF, on Derse, went back to LOHAC, appeared after Game Over, zapped back to meet with Terezi, and now he's zapped back to retrieve everyone! Maybe he's taking some of those appearances as a single one. Like the original Game Over is one, Reload is two, and then some other times?

"DAVE: oh ROSE: This has been bothering me as well. Is Kanaya going to be ok? ROSE: And by Kanaya, I guess I mean... everyone?" I knew it. ... Can Kanaya be a euphemism for everyone from now on? :mspa:

"DAVE: yeah what about karkat DAVE: and terezi DAVE: and the MAYOR?? JADE: oh my god!!!!! DAVE: what JADE: actually dave, i hate to say it but... JADE: i think john might have actually saved the mayor by bringing us all here?" Okay, Jade is indeed fine again. Hey, yeah, she was about to threaten the mayor to get Dave to cooperate, wasn't she? Ooooh, this marks it, this is the first time every B1 kid was featured in the same conversation. What a unique accomplishment!

"DAVE: jade that is seriously uncool JADE: i KNOW! JADE: i was gonna kick him right into the lava! DAVE: that is fucked up on so many levels i dont even know where to begin DAVE: its like an escher staircase of cartoon villainy" Yes, Grimbark Jade wasn't all bark! But her idea of villainy was childish on some levels still, because that's just what she's like!

"DAVE: i got nothing DAVE: its so DAVE: so... JADE: grimbark? :B woof woof DAVE: jesus no jade its stone cold evil DAVE: i cant believe you just said that shit and then woofed at me DAVE: i cant DAVE: i cant even look at you right now" Yes, Dave was really attached to the mayor in this timeline, even more so than in the final timeline leading to Universe C. But uh, welp, I hope this doesn't cause any fractures! We got to remember, they aren't in the best place here, emotionally. All of them still have all these unresolved psychological issues, more so than the post-canon selves.

"JOHN: uh, everyone, can we...

Everyone turns to look at you immediately, like you’re an authority. Which you kind of are." Yes, John, you can't bring a group of teenagers together as an adult without knowing something about handling emotional outbursts. Face it... You're a dad now. :P Or at least a big brother.

"You are struck with the sudden and uncomfortable realization that you are the only adult in the yard. You’ve never felt like an adult until this moment. Eighteen came and went and nothing really changed except that you’re pretty certain you could grow a bitchin’ mustache now if you wanted." That's just how it is, you feel like the same vaguely irresponsible person until you are trust back into a group of people where the age difference is felt the hardest. And heheh, now I'm reminded of Davesprite's note impersonating Dad, chiding John about growing facial hair in his absence. :P

"And you might even have one by now, if you didn’t feel a sense of duty to uphold the sacred Egbert family tradition of shaving at least once per day, even if it isn’t really necessary. You owe at least that much to the memory of your departed father." Aww.

"JOHN: let’s chill out for a minute. i’m sure this is all very confusing to all of you. JOHN: about the time line you’re leaving behind... yeah, i get it. it’s weird. JOHN: i’ve already left one major time line behind. well, two if you count the one i just came from, where we’re all adults. JOHN: the truth is, i have no idea what happens to these time lines and all the people living in them, when i just... zap out of them, to use my retcon powers to change stuff?" For doomed timelines it's simple: you either die and become a ghost, you go back to change the timeline, or you get erased when someone does the second thing. But for John's retconned timelines, yeah, it's not as clear. If it doesn't work like with doomed timelines, there's already a bunch of duplicate timelines out there with associated ghosts in the dreambubbles. Meaning a lot of new confused human ghosts, which we haven't seen anything of until now. I wonder, dead or alive, if any of these duplicates will be brought up again. Well, besides a John like I've already theorized.

"JOHN: they might stop existing completely. i don’t know. JOHN: the thing is, we can’t really think about it. JOHN: it’s tough, but if we’re all acting like heroes here, and trying to do the right thing, then we have to put it all behind us. JOHN: it’s a sacrifice we’re making. JOHN: i mean, we’re risking our lives by fighting a powerful monster, sure." This would be a rousing speech if you weren't the one to have kidnapped them. And, seeing as you're an adult and they're teens, kidnap is still the right word here. Can't wait to hear input from the B2 kids about this, actually. Dirk could blow all John's arguments of the table in a heartbeat, actually. Heheh. HEARTbeat.

"JOHN: but the sacrifice i’m talking about... is saying goodbye to the life we thought we belonged to, and all the people in it. JOHN: probably forever. JOHN: it sucks, and i’m sorry i had to ask this of you all. JOHN: but there’s no other way. JOHN: everyone who has ever existed, and will ever exist, is counting on us... i think? JOHN: so... JOHN: yeah.

> Shrug." So on the one hand, John acknowledges he might have left Earth C forgood, but on the other hand he saw it as a goodbye, not a farewell. Still, he's right to address the threat Lord English poses to Paradox Space as well as the continued existence of the universes inside Genesis Frogs. I mean, the continued existence without threat of annihilation by a time travelling mobster.

"It’s all you can think to do to punctuate your speech of lukewarm inspirational value. Judging from the confused looks from the others, all of them may share your assessment of your own oratorical skills, except for one person. She’s perked up at your spiel, regarding you with alert and admiring eyes." Boyfriend material, isn't he, Roxy? :P Yeah, how's John going to take this rehash of their first meeting. It's one thing to long back to a moment, but to revisit it, him an adult and she a teen? Awwwwkwwwwaaaard.

"ROXY: that was a fine ass speech and idk if i speak for the rest of my peeps here but im fuckin psyched ROXY: lets do this shit" Well yeah, Roxy did have her shit together the best out of everyone. She overcame her character flaw (the drinking) on her own.

"She *wonks* at you." Her typos transcend media.

" JOHN: uh.

You weren’t prepared to get passively hit on by the Definitely Not Legal version of a girl you used to have a crush on at the age she was when you first met her, only a few hours after you watched the Actually Legal version of her engage in passionate hand-holding with her possibly aromantic skeleton alien monster girlfriend. You start to sweat, and again the unwelcome odor of undercooked meat emanating from your body makes itself known to your nose." Of course Roxy is more okay to hit on him, see her Dad crush. Meanwhile, John has all this *history* he's thinking about. Also, he might actually don't want to interfere with the "whatever" that is Roxy/Calliope! That would be sportive of him, if it were true. Lastly, how many times is the meat-odored sweat going to remind John which path he's in, hahah. ... Is it the same in the Candy path, some sickening sweet smell sticking to him? Crumbs of sugar in his hair?

"You quickly distance your mind from any additional discomfiting thoughts about your old and semi-ex flame, and propel yourself into a wildly unrehearsed tactical planning session. You review each of your abilities, strengths, and weaknesses, and then cobble together a reasonably sound approach to besieging a young and bratty version of Lord English by way of surprise attack. The planning is mostly disorganized and structureless, although some common themes that often recur involve you and your original three friends leading the charge, since you are the oldest and wisest, and therefore the strongest, with the exception of Jade, whose gaudy array of powers make her the most formidable of the group, bar none. Aside from that, it appears the consensus is that the melee will likely devolve into an absolute free-for-all—at least going by the general patterns of incoherent banter, shit-talking, and points of pedantic tactical disagreement plaguing the jam session. You overhear someone making mention of... a huge, gay hope bubble? That can’t be right, but you didn’t catch who said it. A flamboyant pink spell? Yeah, this conversation is off the rails now." Yeah, these guys were never good at the finesses of planning things out. Partially due to their teen problems, but in the final timeline before Collide, they weren't really planning anything either beyond deciding how to split up. ... How and where did the Hope and Heart powers of Jake and Dirk become known to the B2 kids, though? Did John whisk them away at a later point in their timeline, after Brain Ghost Dirk had already manifested and Jake was killed once by Aranea? Oh, and only by rereading do I understand John designated himself as the oldest and wisest and strongest barring Jade, I thought he meant all four B1 kids, that couldn't be right.

"At the precise moment you believe the meeting has outlasted its usefulness, Jake does you the favor of effectively pounding the gavel for adjournment by rocking back a bit too far on your lawn pogo and launching himself over the top of the ride on the next bounce. He face-plants right into the dirt." Still the cosmic butt monkey then. Gotta love the juxtaposition with his more 'mature' version on the previous page. Also, maybe Blaperile is right and the Hope & Heart powers were speculated on, not actually witnessed. Unless Rose had a Light epiphany.

"Dirk goes to help your yard clean the Jake off its dirt." ... Yes. That is definitely a thing that can be really happening.

"Jade follows, to help out. It seems she wants to chat with Jake, considering it’s the first time they’ve met, from her perspective. Some eruptions of chatter can be heard from other members of the group." Aww, okay, it's time for a platform conversation parallel. Who'll approach John then, Roxy? But Rose would want to talk to her at some point, too.

"It’s easy to forget, since the reunion between your friends and all your young relatives happened so long ago from your point of view, but this is all quite novel to everyone here. They’ve hardly had a moment to process it, since your plan to drag them all off to fight Lord English has understandably stolen the thunder of an otherwise poignant homecoming. Poor kids, you think." Wow, this alienation is really something. It must be jarring to experience some shit for the semi-second time, seeing people with baggage that, from your perspective, they've already cast aside.

"You decide to give the teens some space to work through their shit before you take off to save the universe." Off screen reunion time! But where will John head to?

"You end up wandering all the way around to the other side of your house," Is he going to meet Dad by accident? Or at least watch him from a distance? I figured he couldn't do much in the yard without being noticed if Dad was home, but maybe I was wrong. I like Blaperile's idea that John will leave him a note. He could forge one, making it look like Nanna wrote it, actually. ... Or maybe he will write something his teen self wouldn't know how to put into words, yet...

"Your dad’s sitting right there, smoking his pipe and operating his professional-looking, boring, gray PDA. He’s got the kitchen timer set up on his desk, and you can hear the notes of his favorite fatherly jazz album filtering out through the window, which is open only an inch." Oh, so Dad is home!! Guess he was to engrossed in his interests to notice anything amiss, and John was ignorant of his Dad's actions that day, apparently. ... No mention of the Crosbytop, but then that might have been too silly for this emotional moment. Poor John. He won't be able to contact him without messing up the timeline, and anything less than direct contact (a note, PDA message) might ring hollow in his ears too. It's sad to think, but there's no saving his Dad, not without creating another timeline, and that might have unforeseen consequences. But John might still have thought about it, or start thinking about it. Unless he feels that doing so would rob the event of importance, plus that he would start feeling obligated to save everyone's loved ones once he started. His Dad raised him better than to be so self-centered!

"The sun is hitting the glass in such a way that you can’t see his face." Oh, he's facing the window? I thought he was sitting behind the desk, but apparently he was somewhere else, near the grammophone, perhaps. Also, featureless guardian, that never stopped being a thing!

"> This is probably the last time you’ll ever have the chance to talk to him...

The urge is overwhelming. But you can’t, and not just because your feet won’t move and your throat is closing up. It’s just that... it would be a really bad idea to bother him. It would totally freak him out, to have an adult version of his son show up out of the blue and knock on his window like a creep. He probably wouldn’t even recognize you."

:/ True enough.

But John didn't think about rewriting the timeline to save him so much as how his immediate action would be responded to in the moment.

"> Fair enough. It’s time to go, John." The narrative prompts are a lot more lenient and respectful than in Homestuck proper.

"You return to the backyard. Your teen friends have split off into genetically segmented groups: Roxy and Rose sitting in the grass, Jade and your shared ecto-parents laughing together by the Green Slime pogo, and the Striders leaning against the farthest fence, with a tense foot and a half of space between them. It’s heartwarming." I think the Strider conversation is going about as good as on LOPAK. Hopefully even smoother, because the original took a while to get going.

Though it must be a tad painful for John to watch all this unfold, seeing as he can't have the reunion he so desires.

"But something doesn’t feel right about it to you, possibly for selfish reasons. It’s the selfishness of your own perspective, of wanting the memories you had of the reunion between all these people to be the most notable and legitimate manifestation of this event. To see the moment echo, or play out all over again, to overhear the heartfelt confessions repeat themselves... It feels cheap. To you, that is. To the man who lived through it all before and selfishly doesn’t want to have the memory tarnished with a tawdry reprisal" Yeah, John was hoping that lending them legitimacy through the retcon would improve on the conversations being had. And his memory of the event he experienced was already so gilded, his expectations were sky-high in this regard. ... I feel like the narration might be acknowledging the grown-up fans in this.

"You wonder. Do you see these teen versions of your friends as “real”? Are you treating them, at Rose’s behest, as simple puppets? Doing your part to insist they fill friend-shaped recesses in an essential plan to stabilize all else that can be considered important, a distinction no longer applying to them? Do you care at all about whatever fate it may be that you are sentencing these children to? Are you becoming as complicit in the fatalistic evils of Paradox Space as Lord English himself? Are you becoming a monster, John Egbert?" These are good questions for John to have. Because for him to not have qualms, he would be the monster he fears to become. John has to open his heart to them. Blaperile has a good point though, John might have felt this alienated from the post-canon versions of his friends too, whether he realizes it or not. That could explain him losing touch with them. But yeah. He's here now, adult or not. He's got to make due, and see if he can't reconnect with either version of his friends. He'll become a better friend for it.

John never had a problem with meeting another version of himself like the other kids had, but maybe it was all along because that kind of existential crisis is only caused in him through meeting people he should love but feels alienated from: Dad, these versions of his friends, all the ghosts in the dreambubbles...

"JOHN: uh, hey kids... ROSE: Please, Adult John, don’t do that." Oh hell yes. Better nip that denominator in the bud, Rose. (Heh, Rosebud.)

"It’s obvious that she’s trying very hard to hide her apprehension. ROSE: Is it time to go? JOHN: yeah. JOHN: i mean... JOHN: no, if you want to be technical. i can zap us in wherever, whenever. we have all the time in the universe if we want it. ROSE: But if we don’t leave now, you’re afraid we never will? JOHN: heh."

I love how in-tune Rose and John are, no matter how much time and space has separated them.

"JOHN: i guess it’s true that people don’t really change. they just grow up?

Rose gives Roxy a strange look, appearing to silently acknowledge an entire conversation that has been taking place, using a great volume of words that aren’t being spoken." Heh, Rose and Roxy's conversation on the platform was about their moms and how different or not the other was to that person. I take it their conversation went in the same direction this time around. I think John's response is just more proof to the veracity of the claim. Also, more proof on the pile of the ultimate self, on the side, actually. The idea being kind of like, they're the same person but different due to the circumstance.

" ROSE: I guess.

She smiles." Also, for Rose it must be nice to see the boy she knew still lives inside the man she doesn't know yet.

"> Get the show on the road. JOHN: okay everyone... i’ve never zapped this many people before so let’s all just... JOHN: uh, hold hands, maybe? in a circle, i mean. that should work. DAVE: god this is so lame JADE: its not lame its perfect!!! DAVE: nah JOHN: shh! JOHN: alright. is everyone ready, then?" Kumbaya, my lord, kumbaya. :P Dirk, Jake and Jane didn't get any lines yet, that'll be something for a later page. ... Hah, Blaperile has a good point. John zapped a planet away, twice! Why would this bother him now? :P

... Is the Masterpiece really up next, wow. (After a scene change to Universe C.)

"Only Jade says yes enthusiastically." God, I really missed simply happy Jade. We might still see her on Universe C, but it's with the knowledge she spent three years without any real sapient friends but Jaspersprite & Nannasprite.

"The last thing you hear before zapping away is your dad’s kitchen timer going off in his study." Time's up! Appropriate, if they're really going to confront Jake now.

I got to say, it would be very nice seeing the Masterpiece how it really happened, and not what Caliborn told us. I wonder what he lied about, if anything. It would seem noteworthy to mention John was an adult, but then again, humans might all look alike to cherubs. It's true that Arquiusprite wasn't mentioned on the character list, but I blaim it on Equius being Voided out, it's been a theme before. It's his aspect, the Expatriate's sign hid the cue ball from Doc Scratch' sight, Gamzee used Equius blood to erase himself from the tomb, and so on.

I also think there are odds that characters without dialogue are not mentioned on the character list, like WV. Though it would be weird for Equius/Arquiusprite to be the only troll without dialogue. Davepeta represents the Collide timeline's Nepeta, so that explains her absence from the list.

Still, it would need to be explained how Arquiusprite got there and from what timeline. My money is on him uploading himself through Lil' Seb.

... I thought of something. If we start from the assumption Caliborn's Earth is Earth C in the far future, and not put their by say Condy after Game Over, then logically Lil' Seb, Arquiusprite and Gamzee are all from the Collide timeline.

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2017 Part 1: woke up late

This time I prepared so I could get to the procrastinating right with the first post! Yay! Let’s get this show on the road.

See also:

• spring anime 2017 part 2: girlfriendship is magic

• spring anime 2017 part 3: comfy and easy to wear

• spring anime 2017 bonus round: things you already knew were good

Alice to Zouroku

So get this, a pretty girl with psychic superweapon powers escapes from a lab she’s been in her whole life and now has to adapt to the real world with the help of a guy she stumbles upon, all while being chased by her superweapon former friends. But in a shocking twist, this is actually better than Elfen Lied! Not being written by someone as brutally incompetent as Lynn Okamoto is a start, but the real change here is that our heroine is less murder machine and more genuinely cute, and more importantly the guy she ends up with is not a harem ringleader dorklord, but a grumpy elderly florist. Yeah, we’re skipping the recent trend of dadfeel anime and diving headfirst into granddad feels (I don’t know if aging otaku are quite old enough to fully self-insert yet, but the same principle applies). It’s a low hanging fruit, but that’s what makes it work; a deliberate, contemplative pace and delightfully whimsical music by TO-MAS also help. So far, so good, were it not for the fact that this is only one aspect of the show. Of course a show like this would have an action half as well, and that one’s pretty garbage. Not only is it directed with zero impact or excitement, it also relies on horrible CG a lot - I really don’t want to be reminded of Hand Shakers this quickly again, thank you very much. Plus, it runs with a Alice in Wonderland metaphor, which is baby’s first literary reference and doesn’t bode well about the intellectual ambitions of the project. So we have one half that’s admittedly effective, but also very predictable and which desperately needs to go somewhere to pay off. The other half just plain sucks and has little chance to improve. I think I’ll give this one a few more chances to sort out its priorities, but it’s definitely not a sure thing.

Busou Shoujo Machiavellianism

A cocky guy walks into a school full of pretty girls with weapons who have managed to sissify all the dudes by forcing them to crossdress. He then proceeds to troll them with his rugged charm. You know, it’s really not that easy to offend me but damn this show is trying. Apart from bottom-tier harem crap setup, this show also looks like ass and is tremendously boring; a few well done action cuts do not in fact excuse “fights” that mostly consist of exposition about special attacks, or terminally uninspired direction. Macchiavellism is the worst of shounen fightmens crossed with the worst of harem LNs, plus some of the worst jokes bad anime comedy can come up with. It’s not even audacious enough in its badness to boggle the mind; I could watch this if I was interested in adding another 1/10 to my MAL, but that’s about all I can appreciate about it.

Frame Arms Girl

Speaking of unholy combinations, here’s Gundam Build Fighters x Rozen Maiden x Strike Witches: A girl stumbles into a sentient mecha musume model kit that spends its time explaining the technical details of model building to her and attracts other model kits that want to fight. It’s an ad for model kits, what do you expect. There’s no characters, the plot is utterly uninteresting, the action’s bad, it looks subpar to bad, and the only high point is how brazenly it reads to you from the manual.

Gin no Guardian

Here’s your latest Chinese webcomic adaptation from your friends at Haoliners Animation League (Shanghai) Inc., whose output has been asymptotically approaching the quality level of a bad Japanese cartoon for years now: Closer than ever, but still not quite there. Maybe they should stop picking bad webcomics with incomprehensible nonsense plots as source material, just sayin’. So this is about a dude who beats up CG zombies in the spirit world but the actual story is how he got there? Or something? It manages to look barely alright and even has some visually striking design work, but its half-length run time prevents it from forming any semblance of coherence and I’m not about to ask for further clarification.

Oushitsu Kyoushi Haine

In a vaguely 18th century Germanic kingdom, a grown ass man with the body of a ten year old and a snarky disposition is hired to become the tutor of an instaharem of fabulous princes. I really don’t get who this is for; obviously the harem is straight out of a PSP otome dating sim, but it’s lacking the obvious self-insert dimwitted main girl, and no, it isn’t gay romance either. Even though it’s a comedy, that aspect does not seem to be played for outright parody. The source material is running in GFantasy, a shounen title (but not one as specifically elementary schooler-focused as Jump, it also carries fujo favorites such as Black Butler). Dubious provenance aside, Haine is moderately funny if nothing else, mainly due to the deadpan reactions of the main character to these ridiculous dreamboats. It just also drags more than a little, with long conversations that aren’t very entertaining all the time. It’s watchable compared to a lot of the stuff out this season, but I remain unconvinced.

Rokudenashi Majutsu Koushi to Akashic Records

After Macchiavellism already obliterated the battle harem bingo, here’s our next winner. The setup’s more or less the same and in some respects it’s even more formulaic (the school is actually a magic school for magic people, princesses, duels, &c), but Akashic Record is not quite as odious simply by focusing on being a comedy first and foremost and pulling that off at least on a technical level - it has good visual execution and comedic timing. The question is just how much credit you want to give it for that when the jokes themselves still suck, and that’s of course ignoring the entire setup being Light Novel as all fuck. Kinda seems familiar actually, because this is not entirely unlike to what KonoSuba did to the isekai genre, and people keep trying to tell me that that was totally great. Well, go watch this one then, motherfuckers.

Sagrada Reset

But there’s always the other kind of light novel, the one where high schoolers talk about life, people and the world. Think Bakemonogatari or OreGairu. Sagrada Reset wants a slice of that pie and starts by stealing the magical realism conceit from classic™ visual novel Wind ~A Breath of Heart~: There’s a remote town in Japan where everyone has superpowers, but if they leave the town they instantly forget about it. Oops, i guess I just spoiled Wind’s midgame, but I have to since Sagrada Reset puts this stuff right upfront because it has to discuss technicalities (at length) to make its plot work. Yeah, that’s how I like my magical realism, thoroughly explained and conceived by people who should write wikis, not fiction. There’s a girl who can reset time, but only once per arbitrary period of time and also including herself, which means she only finds out she already did it once it doesn’t work again. So that’s pretty useless, except there’s a guy whose superpower is having his memory unaffected by this. They have to work together to solve... some problems, I suppose. This whole idea seems to have potential in a JoJo subplot sort of way, but it’s completely sunk by the way the thing is written, since apparently the writer has never met a human being in his life. It’s entirely made of these pseudo-deep highschool stoner philosophy conversations presented in a lifeless inflection by people who stand around like robots on battery saver mode. This seems to be intentional (at least the term “robot” is thrown around a couple of times, which is certainly ominous), but it also makes for an excruciating and interminable watching experience.

Sakura Quest

Since Sakura Quest was announced, I have been gleefully throwing water on the hype of people who expected this to be the next Shirobako. After all, how likely is it for lightning to strike twice, especially considering Mizushima is not in the director’s seat? Surely it was all just wishful thinking, I want a S2 of Shirobako as much as everyone but I just don’t trust anime. Well consider me fucking told, since apparently among the parties wishing for more Shirobako is P.A. Works, and unlike the anitwitterati they can make it happen. The actual brand name seems to be reserved for a Mizushima project, but I would have no trouble believing that Sakura Quest is a spinoff about Aoi’s sister in the boonies; Shirobako Sunshine, if you will. The initial setup is mirrored here; Yoshino is not a young professional starting her dream job, but a young professional unable to score a dream job (or any job) so she settles for a random one she’s very skeptical of, but will undoubtedly learn to love. Apart from that, well, it’s Shirobako: The positive tone, the large cast of likeable oddballs, the relatable writing about post-highschool problems, and it even looks completely identical. I’ll still be realistic about it: Shirobako isn’t great for what its ideas were, but for how thoroughly it delivered in the long run, and this is by no means guaranteed to also happen with Sakura Reset Quest. For an episode 1 though, it’s like a dream come true, and P.A. are setting themselves up for seasonal double domination with this and Uchouten Kazoku S2.

Souryo to Majiwaru Shikiyoku no Yoru ni

Enough gushing, here’s 5 minutes of porn. Okay, it’s josei porn so there may still be gushing involved if you know what I mean, nyuk nyuk. Er, sorry about that. Sooooo there’s a sexually frustrated woman who meets her school crush who’s now a priest, and then they fuck. With a staff made up mostly of (non-josei, but hey) hentai OVA veterans, there is really only one way this could go. I appreciate the brazenness as usual, but I really don’t know how much steamy harlequin romance tailored to TV broadcast standards I want to watch.

Tsugumomo

I’ve seen some warnings about Tsugumomo based on its source material which is a manga with 1. a very high level of art quality and 2. content that has been described as “makes To-Love Ru Darkness look family friendly”. This may explain why it has not been licensed. It doesn’t explain why this first episode is fairly tame though; sure, it’s very much an ecchi comedy, but you get those from time to time and Tsugumomo is not any more raunchy than what I’m used to seeing (and it accomplishes this even without obvious BD-advert censoring). That incidentally also removes any reason to watch it: The plot is as basic “guy gets magical girlfriend for purposes of fights and/or walking in on her naked in the bath” from 15 years ago as they come, and it’s suspiciously well animated, but not well enough for that to be a selling point. Maybe it will get real skeevy eventually, I won’t be around to find out.

Warau Salesman NEW

Warau Salesman starts strong with ultra cool, Saul Bass-inspired opening credits, but that’s about all it has to offer. It’s based on a “black comedy” manga from the 60s by one of the Doraemon authors, and oh boy can you tell. Not only are the character designs 60s-tastic (so at least the Osomatsu-san fujos can schlick to something while they wait for the S2 of that), but so are the sensibilities: The titular salesman goes around tempting frustrated office workers with doing something moderately irresponsible, such as drinking in your lunch break or spending above your means, and then ruins their life when they actually do it. It’s like Twilight Zone written by your HR department. In the 60s. This stuff would have been outdated even in 1989, when it was animated for the first time – hence the “NEW”. I don’t know, it just seems mean-spirited, obvious and pointless, and most importantly I put the “black comedy” in quotes because in addition to not being very black, it’s not funny in any way, and unlike regular anime comedy I can’t even see what’s supposed to be funny. 

[valkyri-anna]

This Post is About Anime Openings

I got bored one time and decided to figure out what my top 25 favorite anime opening songs are so here they are

25. Crazy Noisy Bizarre Town - THE DU - Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable

This one is on here almost just because I wanted it to be better. I pretty much knew it was going to end up at the bottom of the list, because a part of me definitely hates this song, but that’s largely because it just doesn’t feel like a Jojo opening. Just imagine moving from the god-tier song that is “end of THE WORLD” to this. It starts out really strong but just goes downhill starting with the chorus.

24. Go!!! - Flow - Naruto

Here’s your nostalgia entry. This song is really stupid but I love it anyway. I was never super into Naruto, and when I was into it I read the manga, but this song is so strongly associated with middle school for me, and the fact that I don’t hate it speaks to how fun it is.

23. Database - Man with a Mission ft. Takuma - Log Horizon

This is a rare anime song that could be better if it was sung by a native English speaker. You can tell English isn’t the singer’s first language, because obviously he’s Japanese, and I think having someone with less of an accent would benefit the song. That said, I do like it, and it works well for a series which is basically just Sword Art Online, except good.

22. For Real - Tokuyami Hidenori - Saiyuki

I don’t like Saiyuki. I tried to watch it, and it just wasn’t very good. Maybe it was good in the 90′s, but if that’s true it definitely doesn’t hold up. However, the opening song is a window to the past in the best kind of way. This is an opening straight from the Sailor Moon era with a sick injection of unnecessary guitar riff.

21. Red Fraction - Mell - Black Lagoon

This song is WEIRD, and it fits Black Lagoon so well. Unlike Database, Mell’s vocals work well for creating the feel the song is going for. Its strange industrial sound gets you way in the mood for a dark slice-of-life about gun-slinging mercenaries, which is perfect since that’s what Black Lagoon is.

20. Sirius - Eir Aoi - Kill la Kill

This song might have ended up here because I had just started watching Kill la Kill when I made this list, but I still like this song. Eir Aoi’s voice is powerful and fun to listen to, and this ridiculous opening is perfect for a ridiculous series like Kill la Kill. It’s like the early 2000′s anime world in a song.

19. We Go! - Hiroshi Kitadani - One Piece

For me, this was the first One Piece opening to capture the fun of “We Are,” and a perfect way to kick off the series’ second half. The punchy, fun music and clever lyrics created what is easily the second best opening the series has had thus far.

18. The Day - Porno Graffiti - My Hero Academia

Here’s a hyped-up song for a hyped-up show. A series about superheroes deserves a super song, and Porno Graffiti delivers it. The punchy drums and powerful vocals always get me excited, and it’s a shame the series’ second opening didn’t live up to “The Day’s” precedent.

17. Tank! - The Seatbelts - Cowboy Bebop

I’m gonna be honest and say I’ve never actually seen Cowboy Bebop, but I definitely still love this opening. The jazzy, upbeat music marks a style of opening that I absolutely adore, and you won’t see the last of it on this list with “Tank!”

16. Stand Proud - Jin Hashimoto - Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders

Of the four Jojo openings that actually feel like Jojo openings, “Stand Proud” is the worst, but it’s definitely still good. The lyrics cleverly call back to Part 1 of JJBA, fitting considering the show’s main villain. It may not be as good as the two openings that came before or the one that came after, but it still manages to be pretty good.

15. Guns and Roses - Paradise Lunch - Baccano!

Told you you’d see this style again. If “Tank!” was fun, “Guns and Roses” is hysterical. It’s fast, fun, and exciting. The lack of lyrics gives the viewer a lot more room to focus on the 12 million characters on screen, and the upbeat music fits the manic characters perfectly.

14. Hyadain no Kakakata Kataomoi-C - Maeyamada Kenichi - Nichijou

I’ll confess that I have a major soft spot for silly, girly, slice-of-life anime openings. The first Yuru Yuri opening could have easily taken a spot on this list, but I only wanted one such song and I think this one is more fun. The duet works so well and it’s adorable. Also, the guitar solo in the middle is a most welcome surprise.

13. The Hero!! - JAM Project - One Punch Man

The original mega-hype mega-song! I don’t know what to say about this song that hasn’t already been said. It rocks. It’s cool. It works for the series. I don’t know.

12. Mazeru na Kiken - Kinniku Shojo Tai - Ushio to Tora

The thing that stood out to me most about this series was the art style, and the second thing was the opening. It’s definitely the closest thing to classic metal I’ve heard in an anime opening, and it works really well. The over-the-top opening primes you perfectly for the over-the-top show that follows.

11. Re: Re: - Asian Kung Fu Generation - Erased

Another series I haven’t seen all the way through, but I do really like this opening. The guitar riff playing throughout is really cool, and the energetic but almost melancholy vocals are so interesting to listen to. It works perfectly.

10. end of THE WORLD - Jin, Coda, and Hiroaki Tominaga - Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders

If Stardust Crusaders was a series about calling back to what came before you, “end of THE WORLD” was the perfect song, and a perfect way to kick off our top ten. It brings back the singers for all three previous openings and puts together an almost theatrical experience that never ceases to amaze me.

9. Guren no Yumiya - Linked Horizon - Attack on Titan

Yes, it’s THAT Attack on Titan opening. I don’t need to explain this one any further, I don’t think.

8. A Cruel Angel’s Thesis - Yoko Takahashi - Neon Genesis Evangelion

This song needs no introduction. Everyone knows Evangelion and everyone knows this song. It doesn’t match the tone of the series at all, but I couldn’t imagine NGE opening any other way. Yoko Takahashi is a goddess.

7. 99 - Mob Choir - Mob Psycho 100

Now here’s a song that couldn’t have gone with any series other than the one it was made for. This song really loses something in the TV version, because the counting motif throughout is so cool, and they had to skip a lot of the middle to fit it into a minute and a half. If you listen to this song, make sure it’s the full version.

6. Bloody Stream - Coda - Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Battle Tendency

I have to first make an honorable mention for “Awaken,” the theme of the Pillar Men, because if that was an opening it would have beat this. That said, if “So no Chi no Sadame” captures Jonathan’s chivalry, “Bloody Stream” capture’s Joseph’s fiery spirit. This was the perfect song for Battle Tendency and it’s extremely fun to listen to.

5. Rin! Rin! Hi! Hi! - Hashiguchikanaderiya Hugs the Superball - Nanbaka

The perfect mix of suave and fun finds itself a home in this song. The singer’s smooth vocals and the unrelenting guitar mix better than they have any right to to make a song that stays fresh every time you listen to it.

4. R.O.D. - YKZ - R.O.D. the TV

Ok, I promise this is the last jazzy opening entry on this list, but it’s the best. It captures the Hong Kong action feel of the show’s best action sequences and I truly do love it. It takes a high spot on this list for all the right reasons.

3.  We Are! - Vic Mignogna - One Piece

I mentioned “We Are!” earlier and it’s not my third favorite anime opening for nothing. Vic Mignogna has managed to lend his voice to the only English dub of an anime opening I actually prefer to the original. I didn’t even start One Piece until 2015, but this song still makes me nostalgic. Honorable mention to the “Friendship Version” of this song, if there was a version of that featuring the English voice cast, that would likely have taken the number one or two spot.

2. Again - Yui - Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

This song is perfect. Yui is perfect. Not a lot of singers can carry a verse like she can, and not many bands capture an almost Nirvana-like energy dynamic like she does here. Only one song by one singer could have possibly beat her, and it’s...

1. So no Chi no Sadame - Hiroaki Tominaga - Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Phantom Blood

No one but Tominaga could have made this song sound as good as it does. Jonathan Joestar is far and away anime’s best-ever boy, and he deserves anime’s best-ever opening. The brass, the vocals, the guitar, everything comes together perfectly to create a song that’s fresh, unique, and PERFECT IN EVERY WAY, JUST LIKE JOJO, I LOVE YOU JOJO PLEASE COME BACK TO US

So anyway that was 25 anime openings that I like, if you made it through this list congratulations