#he doesnt mind wearing a dress and think he slays in it. so do i

[r4bidcherry]

what flavour of trans do u hc Alejandro as

ive got bad news anon

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

In my mind palace… i think as toshiro gains more confidence and finds his own voice, he gets less strict abt his gender expression

as an aside: he has a mildly interesting relationship to masculinity in the ways he seems to have cannibalized his own individuality to better embody an ideal japanese man. This seemed to have led to strict gender conformation for him. Interesting in that hes in a foreign country where most ppl would not pick up on it n yet he doesnt loosen up on it nor does he try to express masculinity in da way the ppl on the island do to fit in. Vis a vis the fact it makes him boring in many ppls eyes at home. vis a vis differentiating himself from his father who does not give a fuck. And also in relation to laios who seems to have failed in that way (left home, left the military, doesnt fit in w the other boys) who just thinks toshiro is just the coolest in the world for supposedly effortlessly embodying the cool samurai archetype. Who despite his supposed indifference to not conforming still makes some clumsy attempts at it (rarely expresses vulnerability, I LOVE WOLVES, DRAGONS, AND THE COLOR RED whole thing….) i think bc deep down he wants to fit in and be liked…even tho he thinks its stupid.

Interesting that kabru who completes their lil rpg protag trio doesnt seem to have particular feelings on masculinity probs bc he feels detached from the tallmen concept bc he was raised by elves but also doesnt conform to the elf concept of masculinity. But ill have to reread his parts. But also he dresses like a knight in the dungeon rather than getting canary armor that seems like it would be more efficient (whether thats personal choice or he literally cant get access to it despite his mother) and wants to be the guy who can effortlessly slay monsters. Whats up w that. He seems like hed have a different view of it being from the west n also being punted into a culture he has complicated feelings on.

Toshiros foil izutsumi being indifferent towards it and punished for it. Tho she seems also to have an extremely complicated relationship with her own humanity and history of dehumanization that i bet her gender plays into. Like maybe she just hasnt put much thought on it bc her concept of self is so scrambled. Maizuru, their teacher w a strange relationship w motherhood to both being a pretty strict conformist that holds others to that standard, but wears the clothes of a nobleman (probs cuz of the onmyoji iconography, tho id be curious to know what the gender split in universe is. Historically, it seems to be a position held by men. Tangent that for the island, magic users seem to be predominantly female for tallmen. Gnomes n elves neutral on this. Marcille whose from the norths mother was a court magician. ) Also seems she got stricter about it with age. Hien no care about it, doesnt wear makeup and is fine with being abrasive. Nevertheless berated shuro as a kid for crying bc its unmanly but seems like its just that thoughtlessness u have as a kid. That in the spread abt the doors having their greatest desire having the characters in varying times (namari in the present with tansu, marcille at the present w falin or maybe in a future where she reunites w her(but the bookshelf reminds me of their academy days), senshi either in the present or maybe even in the future taking care of children..?, izutsumi in the present with chilchuck, laios as a preteen (?) holding kensuke (interesting tie in to his greatest desires and how he views monsters)) and shuro seems have sent him furthest into the past to a time where he was a child and could cry freely and where his relationship w maizuru was less complicated. Benichidori conforms so strictly that it interferes w her mealtimes and makes her hangry and neurotic and she has developed body dysmorphic disorder . But in the modern day sketches she seems to have her own style at least. Inutade seems to be trying real hard to conform but also in a way where she cannot be viewed as a threat (presents extremely girly and young. And she is! But hien was not like that when she was 17. Nor is izutsumi) and seems to be insecure about the fact most clothes dont fit her well. Much to think about.

Tho im extrapolating I dont think most of this is intentionally written. But some of it probably was!

[botls]

meeting tltm cast 9/29/19

seeing hadestown parts 1 and 2 and meeting the hadestown cast

please send me an ask or message me to ask anymore questions!!

my plan was to screen record the whole thing to hear all the conversations back but apparently screen record doesn’t pick up sound or my phone isn’t updated idk but i now have a lot of silent videos of me freaking out lmao

i didn’t actually see the show but i stage doored bc i saw hadestown that day and after dinner the timing worked out that we were still on 48th street when tlt was ending so i went and if you are someone who is upset by that i am deeply sorry but i will not be responding to any criticisms of my life decisions at this time

sam leicht:

but anyway since i wasn’t seeing the show i was waiting by the side of the theater earlier and low and behold who walks out but fucking sam leicht and i literally got so starstruck but i could tell he was trying to leave before the rush and he was so focused on getting out i didn’t stop him or anything because he wasn’t stage dooring and i didn’t want to bother him in case he didn’t want anyone coming up to him but i saw The Legs in action and can i just say Wow

izzy figueroa:

izzy came out right at the beginning and i cheered for him but nobody else did rip i would have asked for a picture but he was clearly looking for somebody and then he found them and they were hugging and left so i just let him be

sarah beth pfiefer:

sarah came out first and i was so so so happy to see her she is such a cutie and an icon she had a plaid shirt around her waist i wanted to bow down

ryan knowles:

next ryan came out and he was so smiley and so fricking tall it was insane i met timothy hughes and ryan knowles in the same day and even though i was wearing like three inch platform shoes trying to fit us both in the frame was an issue both times jagsgsjskwlw my live pic of us includes me going “😬 i’m too short”

james hayden rodriguez:

james came out next and everyone YELLED so loud and like so did i but right after the noise died down i hadn’t realized and at the top of my lungs went “OH MY GOD” and everyone laughed lmao but anyway he was so friendly and after our picture when he was talking to the next girls that i had lowkey become friends with i was like “i LOVE the good kid reprise” and he was like “yeah thanks i love singing it” and then the girls next to me and i were just talking about it and we were like “it gives me life” and he was laughing and stuff cutie

kristin stokes:

KRISTIN CAME OUT NEXT AND I ACTUALLY ASCENDED OH MY GOD so right before kristin the costume lady came out and she was wearing a super kristin-style dress so at first i thought she WAS kristin when you see her walking through the gate but when the door opened and she stepped out everyone like. sighed disappointedly and she was like “yeah sorry im just costume design” and i reached out my hand like “WAIT NO YOU DO A GREAT JOB” lmao like. she really does thank you queen for giving annabeth a choker but anyway kristin came out and me and the girls next to me were talking about how gorgeous her outfit was and oh my god her makeup was SLAYING she’s a QUEEN amongst us then when she was talking to us one girl was like “i love your outfit” and she was like “aww thank you” and i said “yeah for real i live for your little socks” and then she did this little curtsie/dress lift thing it was precious and then just like that it was over and i was like i. just met kristin stokes. what the fuck

chris mccarrell:

next it was CHRIS and holy shit i love him more than anything he looked so cute and for every person i had been helping all the people behind me pass up their playbills and get whatever pictures they wanted so as i was grabbing all the playbills to pass up and stuff chris was like “aw look at her making sure everyone gets their stuff they want signed” my heart started beating double time like !! chris mccarrell thinks i’m a good person????? i can never do anything bad again so then he kind of started moving down the line and i reached out my arm like “WAIT NO can we please get a picture first” so he said “of COURSE” and he like. THREW himself back over i have the live picture of him zooming into frame it is so cute and funny and then i told him “i love your shirt i LIVE for that” and the girls next to me were like “yeah” and i think one said where is it from or maybe he just decided to say like i missed this part bc i was grabbing someone’s playbill for him (by the way i got to TAP CHRIS MCCARRELL ON THE SHOULDER AND SAY “wait do you mind signing just one more”) but anyway he was like “thanks i think it’s from....cl-uh-clarence outfitters? wait uh urban outfitters?” we were all laughing and i was like “yeah i think it’s probably that one” and he smiled right at me while nodding and was like “probably” WHAT a cutie the whole time that he was out i couldn’t stop saying “wow look at his floofy hair” and him, kristin, and jorrel def all heard me at least once each oop

jorrel javier:

jorrel came out and to be honest it was so overwhelming because him and chris were going opposite directions and they got to us at kind of the same time so the second chris left - enter: jorrel and i was still reeling from chris so i just remember trying to make my brain work by like “hi ohmygodiloveyoupictureplease” he obviously said yes and we got the smileyest pictures ever he is so cute and smol in person i was the real life uwu emoji he made some joke about chris looking good or something bc chris was right behind the camera and i have my live photo of us laughing and me saying “honestly” so that’s the cutest thing to ever happen to me 

but anyway yeah that was it!! it was honestly one of the best experiences ive ever had, like i said, i wasnt originally planning to stage door at tlt so as for seeing and meeting the cast of hadestown i at least knew that was happening and had time to (somewhat) come to terms with that mentally but this was sprung on me so randomly and im SO glad it was! im trying to go see it this winter but ive honestly lost hope on seeing this show so many times in the past that i kind of saw this as my possible one chance and i took it. after i was so overwhelmed that i sobbed on my way back to penn. this cast and show has meant so much to me from the beginning and seeing it had disappeared from my realm of possibility so many times that actually meeting them in person was straight out of a dream. so many times i thought it was closing, so many plans to see it that fell through, and finally getting to meet them just doesnt even feel real despite the pictures and videos i have literally proving it. i am so grateful to have had this experience that im sure i will remember forever. each and every one of them was so sweet and personable and genuinely seemed to enjoy being out there. i love them so much and now im crying again i have to stop 

[softandsin]

Boyfriend!Donghan

boyfriend donghan includes:

an actual shashasha bby

hE GETS SO FLUSTERED @ COMPLIMENTS

on the outside hes like burning red stuttering out a quick thanks

on the inside its that one scene from spongebob where tiny spongebobs are throwing out papers

but instead of tiny spongebobs its tiny donghans trying to type a better reply than thanks but ends up fucking every other reply so he ends up saying thanks 

while the tiny donghans are trying to put out the massive fire inside his brain

bUT ALSO GETS COMFORTABLE AROUND YOU VV QUICK

not that much skinship bUT SO MANY KISSES???

smothered in kisses from head to toe m8 

too shy to kiss in public but there’ll be the occasional forehead kisses

 eye smiles for days !!! 

secretly loves it when you compliment his dancing talent 

bUT ALSO WANTS TO THROW HIMSELF DOWN NIAGRA FALLS WHEN HE PERFORMS FOR YOU 

he ends up slaying the performance tho (his call me baby stage will forever make me cry)

such a lil cheeky shit but ya know you chose to date him so 

okay but dont expect too much affection from him 

hes still a smol boy who doesnt know how to express his feelings 

always tries his best though!!! 

takes you out on dates to non-expensive places but makes them some of the best memories you have 

always some sort of problem on dates with him but its fine bc being with him during his busy schedules is enough for you 

does also occasionally take you out on really fancy dates tho 

hE DRESSES UP REAL NICE TOO 

fights with donghan wouldnt happen too often 

they did it would be small petty fights that really didnt count as fights 

if anything the one big fight that you did have was about his lack of affection 

 but you guys got over that pretty quickly too 

 promised to try to show you more affection!!! 

if he got really mad tho i feel like he be slightly scary 

but he’d try to tone it down 

sometimes when the fights got too extreme you would give him the silent treatment 

donghan would end up using aegyo to try and get you to OPEN UP to him 

he’s like I KNOW YOU KNOW (team deserved better) that youre not mad @ me anymore 

on the outside you have your pokerface but on the inside your like i could NEVER be mad @ you 

“OH LITTLE GIRL what am i going to do with you” 

eventually gets you to laugh by showing you a small SHOWTIME 

im sorry

he would also be vv good @ cheering you up 

like you’d come home one day feeling fucking miserable bc nothing went right

and donghan would catch on pretty quickly so he ordered to go change while he cooked up some meat (bc even kenta and yongguk agree that he cooks meat vv well)

he would also open up some wine/beer to get your mind off of it 

would also drag to to the bedroom to go and cuddle and talk about what happened 

or end up cuddling on the couch eating snacks while watching stupid rom coms or comedy movies 

sometimes sings you 2!3! by BTS

he’d seem so good @ cheering you up but he’s secretly panicking inside again

he would also be vv caring normally but is EXTRA EXTRA caring when mother nature hates you for not having a small fetus inside your womb 

would be slightly embarrassed when buying tampons/pads but would end up not caring at some point 

almost cried when you called him oppa for the first time 

like he wouldve just had his heart beating faster than normal if you had just called donghan oppa 

bUT 

you ended up almost choking him to death with water and a heart attack and a wet floor bc he literally spat out his water 

when you first called donghan oppa 

it was like 6 am in the morning 

and donghan wanted water so he got up and was chugging his glass of water when he heard your soft morning voice call him oppa 

and he turned around to be met with you standing there in his sweater that was too big even on him with messy bed hair rubbing your eyes with the sweater paws 

he almost called the police to arrest you for being too cute 

its so fluffy im gonna die!!! 

actually spat out his water bc you were just that cute in his eyes 

donghan probs thought you were an angel bc you were just that beautiful 

and thats the story of how you almost landed donghan in the hospital and also why he spent almost an hour just hugging you that day 

he secretly also wants to see you in his clothes again so he’ll leave his biggest clothes around in hope of you wearing them

other cute moments with him include you @ home cleaning while he’s @ practice, him leaving practice early, and then walking into you jamming to i know you know and him joining you !!

cute midnight “errands” to the convenience store nearby

playing with his hair while cuddling or him playing with your hair

forehead kisses hugging while waddling from side to side (you know that thing)

he’s such a smol pupper 

bUT ON STAGE HE TURNS INTO A FULL GROWN DOGGO (shape of you has fucked me up) 

“i came out here to have a good time but im feeling so attacked right now” 

also expect random back hugs and neck kisses 

he’s also the type of boyfriend who would purposely leave you stuff on the highest shelf just to make you call for him 

also the type of boyfriend to be vvv insecure every once in a while so compliment him!!! make him feel loved and needed!!! 

he doesn’t have much experience with dating but he’ll try his best 

he loves it alot when you notice small changes like 

“did you dye your hair recently?“ 

“ooh did you get a new cologne” 

he’s also vv observant so he’d know so much about you 

like small habits and such 

or things you do when you’re happy sad etc 

gets so touched when you remembered the small unimportant things!! 

he loves you with his whole soul mind heart body etc but he doesnt know how to show it to you so be patient with this shashasha baby 

remember to give him his daily intake of love!! 

he’ll give you yours too!! 

likes subtle couple items 

matching jewelry, phone charms, etc 

he once saw this couples phone charm that light up only when theyre in range of each other 

and immediately bought one of each design 

desperately wants to call you a petname 

but cant think of a good one 

ends up sticking with baby or angel 

occasionally is vv rude and calls you baby girl 

in the end donghan isnt the perfect boyfriend but he’s much more better than you had thought

you wouldnt change him for anyone 

and vice verse