#he doesn't have tumblr. when he found out you havent been messaging me he thought you killed yourself. for him its complete radio silence

[tr0ubl3d-tr4n53nd3r]

I opened up about my body image issues and people called me a horrible person, told me I'm invalidating people with eds and that I'm body shaming people? God what the fuck? Ive got no fucking support system in real life and the Internet just hates me I guess.

[ohkimani]

So uh does your Russian beau know about your tumblr, if he doesn't then would you eventually let him see it if this love story ends with a magical beginning

okay here are the dramatics that involves him and this blog.....

so back (a few days ago, like last week this time) when i decided i didnt want to keep talking to him because it was too painful and unfair, i posted about my decision then went to bed at like 6PM. when i woke up at around 2AM i had a message from him basically saying the same thing about making the same decision and what not. that’s when it ended between us (kind of???) for the second time (the first being when i left LA and we thought we wouldnt be in contact anymore).

so here i was, losing my sanity, in a deep dark hole of depression trying to like sew my heart back together and figure out how to like....go about my life without him and the memories we had. you know, all that jazz. 

this happened thursday night. then two days had passed and we still hadnt spoken to each other. i realized i still hadnt gotten my period for a while (and still havent) and posted about that as well but eventually chalked it up to stress. moments after posting about not getting it and discussing it with some anons, he texts me “hey” and then asks if i was free to facetime. 

he calls and the first thing he says is “i think it’s just stress. youve been going through a hard time lately” and i just sit there in silence for a moment like.........trying to understand what he’s saying. then he’s all “you’ve been crying a lot and so have i. it’s definitely stress. you can take a test though” then what he said finally clicked and he was like “ive been reading your posts on tumblr....” 

i went ballistic. like walked away from my screen and broke some paintbrushes. like.............im generally easygoing and a bit hyper sometimes but i.........lost my fucking mind in a fit a rage.

then he explained that he unfollowed me on facebook and deleted the instagram that he was using to see my posts because keeping track of me started to break his heart and it seemed like the only way he knew what i was actually feeling was if he read what i felt....on my blog. and that was the only way he could make sure i was okay after the whole thing.

but yeah i went off and he apologized and admitted he had been hurting/not being able to eat or sleep since he found out i was thinking about dropping the whole thing so he wanted to pull the trigger first to make it hurt less for himself but it actually made both of us hurt more.

he promised to never do it again, the url is erased from his history (because he was refreshing constantly) and i changed my settings so i cant be searched on search engines anymore even if he did want to find it again.

it was our first like hiccup/fight situation and i really really REALLY felt it was an invasion of privacy but yeah.....he wont be back again. 

but we put it behind us :)