#he doesn’t like being forced (by various circumstances)

[theoppositeofprofound]

Thinking about cyberpunk/steampunk/retrofuturist Tolkien elves again. I think that they deserve blimps! I think that they deserve to invent trains, have Balrog flashbacks, and banish trains to the Underground. I think that they get real into the potential of AI for a little bit (Aulë admits he’s been trying to crack it for ages but when have they let the failure of the gods stop them). Until then, creepy 18th century automatons! Clockwork animatronics! Imagine them equipped with solar powered biplanes. Not even regular planes, biplanes are enough to wreck havoc. Imagine the windmills. Imagine the hydroelectric projects in Alqualondë. Imagine tragicomic space exploration attempts to get to the other side of their (still flat) patch of earth.

[tazmiilly]

hii sorry if this has already been answered but I see that in abw ford is often drawn with a wheelchair or cane and I was just curious if there was a specific reason behind it? (like condition, etc.) tbh I personally find the drawings rly comforting as someone w chronic pains I heart ford and how u draw him sm <3

This was answered with the help of my partner so i say “we”

The reason we started doing it is because it’s fucking awesome, but there wasn’t anything specifically in the ABW Journal 3 passages that alluded to him having mobility aids, if that’s what you’re asking. Everything we’re about to discuss is stuff that we just came up with on our own.

Without going into too much detail, in February of ‘82, Ford fell and fractured his right tibial plateau. Due to several factors - the fate of the universe being at stake, Ford’s own fragile mental state, the looming presence of Bill, etc. - Ford did not immediately seek treatment. He tried to “suck it up” and “tough it out” for quite a while, which of course only exacerbated the injury, and by the time he finally did go to a hospital, his leg had been permanently damaged. He walks with a limp and has long-term arthritis in that knee.

Additionally, to protect his mind from Bill, Ford had Fiddleford perform a DIY sci-fi craniotomy on his parietal lobe (this is their universe’s equivalent of the metal plate being installed in the head). Again, though, circumstances being what they were, it was a messy procedure, and Ford has been dealing with the side effects of the surgery ever since.

Most of the time he walks with a cane, but there are plenty of instances in which he uses a chair, such as if he has to travel long distances, navigating difficult terrain, or even if his pain is just particularly bad that day. (Caroline note: I made a whole post about his various mobility aids! You can read it here!)

So the big difference in this universe - what makes it “better” - is that Ford is not forced to be alone and adrift for thirty years. Ford’s problems don’t go away immediately, but he doesn’t have to face them on his own. In this world, he has access to help and, though he struggles to at first (this is Ford, after all), ultimately accepts it. We have a ton of notes about where the exact point of timeline divergence is, what exactly happened, and a great deal of these do contribute directly to his use of mobility aids, but I think the really important thing is that he doesn’t feel he has to stand alone. He can depend on others for help and he can use a cane to walk around and he can use a chair if he needs a break.

[sepublic]

Thinking about how in a way, the whole stable time loop from Elsewhere and Elsewhen protected Luz and the others; Belos couldn’t attack or imprison the protagonists, he couldn’t control them. He had to let the others, especially Luz and Lilith, figure things out on their own and do it for him; He was forced to depend on them (fitting, he always uses others because he won't do the work and becomes a literal parasite), and maybe nudge them in the right direction through Flora D’splora. But in the end he had to wait, the control was in the protagonists and they didn’t even know it. Belos had to let them give him the Light glyph first, which must've been painful to such an arrogant, controlling prick.

And that’s fascinating to me, that what Luz chose to do, by giving Philip the glyph, is what ultimately protected her, gave Luz and the others room to meet each other, team up, and undermine Belos and the Day of Unity in the end. It’s not that Belos spared Luz out of actual gratitude, but begrudging, selfish obligation. Luz sees showing the Light glyph as her biggest mistake, but in some ways it was one of the greatest things she did to ensure the survival of the isles, especially when you remember what the others say about how Philip would’ve found the Collector one way or another. Luz didn’t have to show him the Light glyph, it wasn’t the mission objective, but she did so anyway because she believes in celebrating and sharing the magic of the isles. And Philip might’ve thought he got one over Luz because of the light glyph, but her first and favorite spell representing Luz just doomed him in the long run.

So her kindness didn’t exactly work the way Luz intended, but it still paid off, it still helped her. She at least gave one chance so she’d know she tried with Philip, too (not that Luz or anyone else realistically should owe it to him). Belos is obsessed with destiny like it’s some higher force that chooses and binds him, but Luz doesn’t even know at the time and ultimately doesn’t care; In the end, the time loop isn’t some god picking her out as special. It’s just physics, the results of her own actions, and part of various circumstances that led her to the isles to begin with. Girl literally made her own destiny, which hearkens back to Eda telling Luz that she needs to work to make her fantasy happen.

Girl is undermining and frustrating Belos in major ways, sometimes without even realizing or meaning it. It just comes naturally to Luz, she’s the bane of his existence despite Belos’ attempts to control Luz and make her into the perfect example of why his genocide is actually helpful to humans and not just destruction for its sake, because he’s an insincere white savior. But as much as Luz thinks he manipulates her, as much as Belos thinks he has control, because he DID traumatize and gaslight her into self-loathing… Luz always knows to oppose Belos, even if she can’t speak for her own self-worth. 

If she actually did have to go through with being Belos’ guide in the human realm, that would barely last before Luz quickly screwed him over, esp since she knows way more than Belos does. She’d get him arrested so fast, and then he’d be interrogated for having no citizenship; It’d happen even without Luz. Belos is too stupidly proud, he HAS to go for a smug handshake that dooms him, just like that racist fuck from Django Unchained. Luz isn’t Belos’ parentified ‘salvation’, she’s not his proof that Belos is helping humanity, nor a way to get back to the human realm and be adulated for it; She’s the one ending everything and reminding him in cinematic parallel to Caleb that he’s full of shit. And Belos always underestimates Luz because he's a racist, misogynistic white man.

[rootedinrevisions]

The Tribal Pull: Part 1

SUMMARY: You are a young, ambitious intern who is beginning her six month stint with WWE. Your only focus is making a lasting impression to jumpstart your career - until you catch the eye of Roman Reigns, the dominant and enigmatic Tribal Chief. What starts as professional interactions quickly turns into something more, as Roman's attention becomes impossible to ignore, and the lines between business and personal interactions blur. With each encounter, the tension between you rises, leading to a moment of no return when circumstances force them to confront their undeniable chemistry.

OTHER PARTS: PART 2 I PART 3

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to the person who sent the request for this one! I hope you enjoy it! I had originally planned on this being a one-shot and then it kind of spiraled so we are going to break it up into a few different parts! The rest of the parts should be coming soon!

WARNINGS: None for this part.

WORD COUNT: 3.4k

The moment you step through the doors of WWE’s headquarters, you feel the weight of the opportunity pressing down on you. This isn’t just another internship—this is your chance to make up for lost time. At twenty-six, you're about four years older than most of your peers, having changed your major twice in college. First, it was marketing, then communications, before finally settling on business management. Every switch has set you back, making you feel like you’re constantly running behind while everyone else sprints toward their futures. 

But this internship could change all that. If you play your cards right, it could be the launchpad for the career you’re dreaming of. No more second-guessing. No more indecision. This internship–if it goes well–with a top multi-billion dollar company like World Wrestling Entertainment could set you up for a career in any company you want.

You remind yourself to stay focused, avoid distractions, and make a lasting impression. WWE is a massive company, and though you’re not particularly familiar with its product, that doesn’t matter. You’re not here for the spectacle—you’re here to work. Blend in, complete your tasks, and show your superiors that you’re someone worth remembering.

The first week is a blur of meetings, paperwork, and learning the ropes. You’re assigned various tasks: running errands for the media team, organizing files, and shadowing a few producers during rehearsals. It’s exactly what you expected—grunt work—but you don’t mind. Everyone starts somewhere, and you’re more than willing to do whatever it takes to prove you belong here.

As you navigate your way through the office halls, you can’t help but overhear snippets of conversations. The name Roman Reigns keeps popping up, accompanied by hushed whispers and the occasional laugh. Whoever this is clearly commands a lot of attention, but the name means nothing to you. You’re not a wrestling fan, and the WWE roster is still a mystery. Between juggling schoolwork and the internship, the last thing on your mind has been catching up on WWE programming.

But there’s something about the way people speak of him–what they call him. The Tribal Chief. There’s a strange reverence in their tone, mixed with awe and maybe a little fear. It piques your curiosity, though you don’t dwell on it long. It’s not your place to get caught up in the backstage drama. You’re an outsider, after all, and you plan to keep it that way.

The rest of the week continues in the same vein. You keep your head down, stay out of everyone’s way, and focus on the tasks at hand. Occasionally, you catch glimpses of the superstars as they pass through the hallways, but none of them stand out to you. They’re just part of the job—nothing more.

It isn’t until Friday that things begin to shift. As you finish sorting through promotional materials in the media room, you overhear two producers discussing Roman Reigns’ next big segment.

“He’s unstoppable right now,” one of them says. “The way he’s taken over as the Tribal Chief... it’s like he’s on another level.”

“I know,” the other replies. “I’ve never seen anything like it. The fans love to hate him, but you can’t deny the guy is magnetic. He’s in control of everything, and you can feel it when he walks into a room.”

You pause, fingers stilling over the stack of flyers. Whoever this Roman Reigns is, it’s clear he isn’t just another wrestler. He’s something more—something bigger.

“Heyman’s got him booked solid for the next few weeks. No one even gets near him without going through his advocate first.”

You file the name away—Paul Heyman. You’re not sure who he is, but it seems like Roman Reigns operates on an entirely different level than anyone else here.

“Yeah, but when Roman sets his sights on something, he always gets it. No questions asked.”

Your fingers hesitate for a moment before continuing to organize the materials in front of you. You’re not sure what all the buzz around Roman Reigns really means, but one thing is clear—this man commands attention. Still, it has nothing to do with you. You remind yourself that you’re here for your career, not to get wrapped up in the WWE’s larger-than-life personas.

* * * * *

It’s been a whirlwind first week, but by now, you’re starting to settle into the rhythm of things. Your tasks have become routine—picking up paperwork, running production errands, and assisting wherever you’re needed. Today, you’re making your way through the winding corridors backstage, arms full of press materials that need to be delivered to the media team. You’ve learned to navigate the chaos without getting overwhelmed. Talent is everywhere, crew members buzz around, and conversations fill the air. But you keep your focus, reminding yourself that you’re here to make an impression—not get swept up in the spectacle.

You turn a corner, narrowly avoiding a group of production assistants hustling by, and almost run smack into a wall of people. You stumble back, catching your balance just in time, and your eyes quickly scan the group in front of you.

It’s a small crew, only four men—one of them an older man in a sharp suit, who catches your attention first. He looks important. The others are large, athletic guys, no doubt wrestlers. You know the type by now—intimidating at first glance but not as impressive once you’ve seen dozens of them throughout the week.

“I’m so sorry,” you say quickly, stepping aside to let them pass, still balancing the stack of papers in your arms.

The older man in the suit smiles at you—kind of. It’s more of a smirk like he’s amused by your near collision. 

“No harm done,” he says smoothly, his voice carrying a certain gravitas that makes you think he must be someone important. “You look busy.”

“I am,” you admit with a polite smile, shifting your papers in your arms. “Just trying to stay out of everyone’s way.”

Before he can respond, one of the wrestlers steps forward, standing directly in front of you. He’s taller, broad-shouldered, and clearly commands the space around him, even with the casual way he holds himself. You glance up at him briefly, feeling the weight of his presence. But instead of fawning over him like you’ve seen others do when they cross paths with talent, you brush it off. You’re here for work, not to be starstruck.

“Let’s move,” the man says simply, his voice low and authoritative. His eyes flicker to you for a moment, studying you with a curious intensity. But you don’t catch it. You’re too focused on the papers in your arms and the fact that you’re already running behind.

You nod politely and start to step around them when the man in the suit—who you now recognize as Paul Heyman, a name you’d overheard several times this week—gives you another smile. “Quite the dedicated intern we’ve got here. Keep up the hard work.”

“Thank you,” you reply, your voice polite but rushed. You can feel the weight of the stack of papers in your arms pulling at you. “I’ll try not to run anyone over next time.”

Paul chuckles lightly, and the group moves past you. You keep your head down, moving on quickly, not giving the interaction much thought. Just another group of wrestlers, another task on your never-ending list for the day.

But as you continue down the hall, something tugs at the back of your mind. There was something different about that group. The way the crew members in the hall stepped aside for them, the quiet murmur of conversation after they passed, and the way the tallest man in the group carried himself—like he owned the place.

You shake the thought from your head. Whoever they are, they’re just another set of people in this never-ending circus. You’ve got more important things to focus on, like delivering these materials and staying on top of your workload.

But as you head back toward your desk, you catch snippets of conversation from some crew members in the distance. “Did you see him?” one of them whispers.

“Of course I did. Roman Reigns. The Tribal Chief himself.”

You pause mid-step. Roman Reigns?

The name echoes in your head, and suddenly it clicks. The tallest man, the one who barely said anything but still managed to dominate the space without trying—that was him. The Tribal Chief. The one everyone’s been talking about all week. And you... you just brushed him off like he was any other wrestler.

A small pang of embarrassment flickers through you, but you push it down. You didn’t know. And even if you had known, it’s not like you would have acted any differently. You’re here for work, not to get wrapped up in the allure of superstars, no matter how big they are.

Still, as you sit down at your desk and try to focus on your tasks, you can’t help but feel like you’ve missed something. Like maybe—just maybe—Roman Reigns noticed something in you too.

But that’s ridiculous, right?

You shake off the thought, refocusing on your work. For now.

* * * * *

Weeks pass in a blur, and by now, you’ve found your footing in the chaotic world of WWE. Your internship has been nonstop—shuffling between production meetings, running errands, and assisting with anything that needs an extra hand. You’ve gotten to know a few more people along the way, even some of the talent, but you always maintain your focus. You’re not here to make friends; you’re here to build a career.

The days bleed together, marked by long hours and endless tasks, but you don’t mind. Each day brings you one step closer to earning that glowing recommendation from your supervisors. You’ve even heard your name whispered in the halls once or twice, people complimenting how quickly you’ve adapted, how you’re always reliable. It’s rewarding, but you don’t let it get to your head. There’s too much to do, and too much riding on this internship to let your guard down now.

But amidst the hustle, you’ve started to notice something. A shift, small but noticeable if you’re paying attention. Roman Reigns—the name you now know well—has been around more often than before. The Tribal Chief himself, the man everyone is constantly buzzing about, is always nearby.

It started off small, just brief sightings backstage. You’d pass by the hallway, head down, focused on where you needed to be, and catch a glimpse of him with his entourage. He rarely traveled alone. Paul Heyman, his ever-present Advocate, was always by his side, along with a few other towering men who appeared to be related. The aura around him was impossible to ignore—people parted for him like he was royalty, which, considering his status, made sense. 

But to you, he was just another face in the sea of talent.

At first, you didn’t think much of it. You brushed it off, assuming his presence around you was a coincidence—after all, this is WWE, and you’re bound to cross paths with the wrestlers eventually. You had no reason to think otherwise. But after the third or fourth time, something clicked. You’d feel his gaze linger on you as you walked by. Not every time, but often enough for it to make you wonder.

One day, you’re in the catering area, grabbing a quick bite between tasks when you catch him looking at you from across the room. His arms are crossed, posture relaxed but still commanding. He’s surrounded by his crew, but his eyes are on you. You glance up, meeting his gaze briefly, but quickly look away, dismissing the moment as nothing more than curiosity on his part. Maybe he’s just bored. Or maybe you’re just imagining things. Either way, it doesn’t matter—you’ve got work to do.

In the days that follow, the pattern repeats. A glance here, a brief look there. You’d be walking through the hall with a clipboard in hand, passing a group of wrestlers, and you’d feel his eyes on you. It’s never anything overt, nothing that disrupts your focus. But it’s there.

More than once, you overhear people mentioning him as you work. Production staff and crew members talk about his rising power, his influence, his utter dominance as the Tribal Chief. You don’t pay too much attention to it—it’s background noise to you, as you’re more concerned with making sure your tasks are done right and on time. Still, his name is everywhere, even when you aren’t directly crossing paths. You’ve caught bits of conversations about his latest storyline, his matches, his undeniable star power.

But you? You’re here to do your job. You’ve worked too hard to let any of this distract you.

You even overhear one conversation backstage between two other interns—both a little too eager to gossip—about how lucky you are. They’d seen him glance your way once or twice too and speculated, voices low but not low enough, about why he seemed to pay attention to you.

“Did you see the way Roman looked at her during that meeting?” one of them whispered.

“I know! She’s so lucky. If that were me, I’d totally play it up,” the other intern replied, laughing. “She probably doesn’t even notice. She’s so busy working.”

You had noticed. But you weren’t playing into anything. You were here for yourself, for your career, for a shot at making it in this industry on your own terms. Roman Reigns might be the biggest name in the company right now, but that doesn’t change your priorities.

Still, the thought of his lingering glances sticks with you more than you’d like to admit. You don’t fawn over him like the others, don’t treat him with the reverence most people seem to reserve for him. In fact, you barely interact with him at all. That one time you spoke to Paul Heyman was the closest you’d come, and even then, it was business as usual.

Yet, there’s something unshakable about the way he looks at you. It’s not predatory, but it’s not dismissive either. It’s like he’s observing, watching, but waiting for something. You shake off the feeling each time, burying yourself in your tasks and ignoring the strange awareness that hums in the back of your mind whenever he’s nearby.

And as the days turn into weeks, you continue to keep your head down, completing your assignments with the same dedication that got you noticed in the first place. Roman may be watching, but you refuse to let it distract you. After all, this internship is your one shot at proving yourself—and nothing, not even the Tribal Chief himself, is going to get in the way of that.

* * * * *

Another week passes, and your workload only seems to grow. As you rush through the hallways, your mind is focused on everything except the gossip around you. There’s a big event coming up, and the production team has ramped up its efforts, pushing everyone to their limits, including you.

You’ve just wrapped up a meeting and are heading backstage, still clutching your notes, when you hear someone call your name. 

You pause, turning slightly to see none other than Roman Reigns standing a few feet away. This time, he’s not surrounded by a crowd of people, it’s just him. Your heart skips for a second, but you steady yourself quickly. He’s just another wrestler, you remind yourself.

Roman steps forward, his stride purposeful, like every movement he makes is calculated. “I thought it was about time I introduced myself properly,” he says, his voice smooth yet authoritative. His eyes are locked on yours, and there’s something in his gaze—an intensity that seems to pin you in place. “Roman Reigns.”

You nod, giving him a polite smile, but keep your tone professional. “I know. Everyone’s been talking about you.” The understatement of the century, but you aren’t about to admit that.

He chuckles softly, clearly used to hearing his own name everywhere. “I figured. But you seem different. Most people around here don’t exactly keep their heads down like you do.”

Before you can respond, Roman gestures to his left where the three men you usually see with him approach. They each give you a nod and a smile, though theirs are a bit more playful, mischievous even. There’s a lightness to them, an ease that contrasts Roman’s more commanding presence.

“These are my cousins, Jimmy and Jey,” he says. “The Usos.”

You nod again, acknowledging them with a polite “Nice to meet you.” They seem friendly enough, but the weight of Roman’s presence keeps your attention locked on him.

“And you’ve met Paul before, right?” Roman adds, turning to his Advocate, who steps forward with that same knowing smile he always seems to wear.

“Yeah, we’ve crossed paths in a few meetings,” you reply, remembering the brief conversations you’ve had with Paul Heyman. He was always polite, sharp, and insightful during meetings. You respected him for his reputation and the way he carried himself in the industry. He gives you a small nod, the same reserved yet thoughtful expression he always carries.

“Yes, we’ve shared some insightful talks,” Paul chimes in, his voice smooth as ever. “I must say, I’m impressed with your work ethic. You’ve been standing out.” There’s a slight gleam in his eyes, like he’s already reading you like an open book.

You shift slightly on your feet, trying to remain focused. Compliments are nice, but they aren’t why you’re here. “Thank you. I’m just trying to do my job.”

Roman’s eyes flicker with something—interest, amusement, maybe both. “You’re doing more than that,” he says, his voice lower, carrying a weight that makes it impossible to brush off. “I’ve noticed.”

You feel the subtle shift in the air between you, but you keep your response calm, professional. “I appreciate that. I’m just here to help where I can.”

He tilts his head slightly, as if studying you. “You don’t get fazed easily, do you?” There’s a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, a hint of admiration in his tone.

You shrug lightly. “I’ve learned to stay focused. This is a big opportunity for me.”

Roman steps a bit closer, his towering presence making it hard to ignore him even if you wanted to. “I can respect that. You’ve been doing good work. People are talking.”

You feel your heart rate pick up slightly, but you keep your composure. Compliments from Roman Reigns may be a big deal to most, but you’re determined to stay grounded. “That’s kind of you to say. But really, I’m just doing what’s expected of me.”

Jimmy chuckles from the side, elbowing Jey. “Man, she’s not like the others, is she?”

Jey smirks, watching the exchange with clear amusement. “Not at all. Got nerves of steel, this one.”

Roman doesn’t break eye contact with you, his smirk softening into something almost approving. “Well, keep doing what you’re doing,” he says, his voice smooth but with an undertone of authority. “You’re making an impression.”

You smile politely, grateful for the acknowledgment but not lingering on it. “Thanks, I’ll do my best.”

There’s a beat of silence, and you glance between the four men, all of whom seem to be watching you with varying degrees of interest. It’s a little overwhelming, but you maintain your composure. Roman is the last to look away, nodding once before finally stepping back.

“Good to meet you,” he says, and there’s a finality to his tone, like he’s just checked something off his mental list. 

He and his cousins start to walk off, but before he’s out of earshot, you hear him murmur to Paul, something low and quiet, but with a hint of intrigue. You don’t stick around to analyze it. 

Instead, you turn back to your task list, pushing aside whatever strange tension had bubbled up in the brief exchange. He might be Roman Reigns, Tribal Chief, leader of the locker room, but to you, he’s just another talent in a long list of people you need to stay professional around.

Even if his eyes lingered just a little too long, or his words seemed to carry more weight than they should, you brush it off. You have bigger things to worry about than what Roman Reigns thinks of you. After all, your career is on the line, and no matter how much attention he pays to you, you refuse to let it pull you away from your goals.

[sdv-confessions]

I’m going to pray that I don’t fight a battle with the character limit but uhhh here’s a silly little rant about ky interp of Sam I want more than just the two sdv fans on my blog to see! Jodi and Kent had Sam young, in high school or shortly after, and were pressured into marraige (which, they wanted to do but they didn’t feel ready for in the time when Sam was born) They moved to the city, and during Sam’s younger years that’s where they lived, once Kent was old enough to join the Ferngill Army he did, hoping he could provide for his family like this. As soon as Sam was old enough for day care, Jodi was working a part time job at Joja, and these circumstances pushed Sam from a very young age to be mature, ‘suck it up’ kind of attitude. When Jodi found out she was pregnant again, Sam was 10-11, and his parents wanted a better life for both their kids. They moved to the valley, where they could have a more peaceful life, and Kent had about a 30 minute commute to work when he wasn’t deployed. Around this time, he sat Sam down, and told him he was the man of the house. While there was definitely a lot of external pressure, Sam also put a lot of pressure on himself, which led to him ‘sucking it up’ even when there was no expectation for him to do so. His parents got used to this, and never asked him to open up. Jodi mentions canonically that she doesn’t make the boys do household chores, and this is partially out of the guilt and the feeling that she’d put too much responsibility on Sam, so at one point she stopped making him do household chores. As he got older, Sam realized he resented how quickly he was forced to mature as a child, and in his elder teen years he started to morph into the sunshiny, happy go lucky baby we see in-game. Even then he’s not good at admitting when he’s unhappy,those feelings manifest when he’s alone. additionally my personal headcannon is that he’s got ADHD and ASD, being moderate for the former and pretty low on the autism spectrum. Harvey wants to refer him to get evaluated but Sam forgot to follow up about it (further proving Harvey’s suspicion) though also I’m gonna try to wrap this up, but as he’s at Harvey’s often for various skating or dunbassery injuries, he really looks up to Harvey, as well as shane. Morris is and ass and Shane tries to take more of the shit so Sam doesn’t have to, he definitely has a secret soft spot fot sam

god this ended up so much longer than I thought and I still have more ideas so uhhh if this even gets posted or if someone reads this far, my deepest congratulations

.

[jeankluv]

Birdie - Satoru Gojo | Chapter 05

Words: 4k

Summary: You didn’t like him, at all. But due to your bad luck you would have to be forced to work with him and different circumstances end up leading you to the fact that perhaps the word dislike is not the one you use to describe him.

Warnings for this chapter: panic attacks

Ac: _3aem

Tags: modern au, college au, fem!reader, academic rivals, he fell first, fluff, old money Gojo Satoru, abusive parents, slight slow burn, Satoru is a softy, secondary couple (Geto Suguru x oc), a bit of angst, no use of y/n, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, Gojo plays basketball, Gojo needs a hug

Authors notes: thank you for still supporting this story and for always like and leaving feedback and lovely messages ❤️

Materialist | previous chapter | next chapter

Fic playlist

Haibara's words hit you like a bucket of cold water.

“You also play on the basketball team?” You said with surprise.

Haibara laughed. “Yeah, I´m not as good as my seniors, Gojo and Geto, but I’m also on the team.”

“So obviously…” You sighed. “It’s impossible for us to change our shifts that day right?”

“I’m afraid so.” You looked down, you were really sad. “You have something important that day?”

You shook your head. “I got invited to the match and I wanted to go, but it’s okay! It doesn’t matter if we can’t change shifts.” You smiled.

“You got invited to the match?” He exclaimed and you nobbed in surprise. “I will talk with my grandma, I don't think she will mind if we close the store for one afternoon. Or maybe my sister can come…” He mentioned.

“Please Haibara, there is no need.” You said with worry.

It wasn't necessary for him to do that, there would be other chances to attend a game. Although you were feeling a bit sad for missing out, it wasn't catastrophic. Whether or not you attended didn't hold significant weight. Haibara had gone through the trouble of arranging it all for you, solely because you harbored a desire to fulfill Gojo's request. Goodness, you felt foolish.

“My grandma won’t mind, don’t worry. She adores you and she adores me.” He joked. “Besides it’s just a day, nothing will happen. Once she finds out that is to go to her dear grandson’s basketball match, she might even show up there herself.” He laughed. “Although I know you won’t be watching me.”

“I will also cheer for you Haibara.” You planted your hands on the table and looked at him seriously. “You’re my friend after all, right?”

“You consider me your friend?”

“Of course!”

Haibara shouted your name and hugged you tightly. “You are my friend too. I will present to you my friends from the team, although you already know a few of them.”

“Alright.” You grinned.

Haibara bid you farewell and exited the grocery store. Now you understood why he was always in a hurry; it was for his basketball practices. Retrieving your cell phone from your pocket, you messaged Kyoko that it were most likely going to the match too. The match was scheduled for Friday, and today being Wednesday, you wished you had discussed it with Haibara earlier, but time had been scarce for a calm conversation.

Despite the usual midweek routine, Gojo remained his typical self, yet you couldn't shake the feeling that he was concealing something behind his playful smile. Though hesitant to inquire, you continued studying, occasionally seeking clarification from him on various matters that crossed your mind during your free moments together.

You spent the afternoon attending to customers until Kyoko arrived; that day, she had promised to pick you up to go home together. You closed the shop, and Kyoko took hold of your arm to draw you closer as you walked towards home.

“You won't believe this.” She smiled, showing her teeth and squinting her eyes. You turned your head to look at her. “Suguru gave me his jersey; he wants me to wear it in the game.” She said with excitement.

“Really?” You said in amazement, to which she nodded eagerly. “Wow, Kyoko, are you two not officially dating yet?”

Kyoko shook her head. “Not yet, but I think we're heading in the right direction.” She sighed and whispered your name. “Do you think it can work out this time?”

“Yes.” You said firmly. “Suguru is not like the jerk…” You left the sentence hanging, recalling how Kyoko felt talking about that. “You know. The times I see you both, you seem genuinely happy, and Kyoko, believe me, the way Suguru looks at you is like the gaze of a romantic movie protagonist.”

When you met Kyoko, she was dating a guy whose name filled you with disgust. They had been together before entering high school. Kyoko was truly in love, while he was a complete jerk who was capable of cheating on her with more than five girls in just one month.

You still remember Kyoko's inconsolable crying when she found out, lamenting whether she wasn't enough for that pig. You recall seeing her light dim and her confidence shattered. That's why when you saw him on campus, you couldn't help but beat him up; at that moment, you didn't care about the possibility of being expelled or reprimanded, you were tired of seeing your best friend cry in corners because of that pig.

Fortunately, Kyoko moved forward, and that jerk transferred to another college. Since then, Kyoko had regained her confidence and her radiance; you only hoped and wished that Suguru Geto wouldn't do anything like that to her, not even close, or else you would do what you did back then all over again.

Both of you arrived at Kyoko’s home and greeted her parents, who were waiting for you to eat dinner. At that moment, you felt the need to cry but hold it back all together, you didn’t like crying in front of people.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

In the blink of an eye, game day arrived, and Kyoko and you headed to where it would be held. There were quite a few university students, including professors. But it wasn't surprising after all, your basketball team was quite famous.

You sat next to Kyoko on the bench, positioned not too far from the playground, offering an optimal view of the players. It seemed likely they could spot you too. Kyoko brimmed with excitement for the match, donning the t-shirt Suguru had gifted her, emblazoned with his name and number. To an outsider, it might seem as though they were already a couple, but Kyoko insisted they were merely in the process of getting to know each other.

You glanced around, taking in the scene. It was your first attendance at one of the college basketball team's games. Yet, you were keenly aware that almost the entire college turned out for these matches due to their exceptional prowess. They rarely suffered defeat.

Apparently the team they would face that day was from Kyoto college, the only thing you knew was what Kyoko had told you and it seemed last year they faced each other in a final or something like that, the truth is you had not understood very well. Nonetheless, your team won, although with some difficulty.

You noticed how Kyoko grabbed your hand and rested his head on your shoulder, while she raised and lowered her leg nervously.

“Kyoko, relax.” You tried to calm her down. “They will probably win.”

“I’m not nervous for the match. Suguru said he wanted to talk with me after the match.”

You slightly opened your mouth in surprise. “Oh… maybe it’s the day Kyoko!”

“Maybe!” She smiled. “But still I’m really nervous.”

“It will be fine.” You tried to calm her.

The whistle signaling the start of the game brought you back to where you were. Kyoko squeezed your hand tightly, her eyes fixed on Suguru Geto. On the other hand, you watched the game, paying attention to most players. Haibara was among them, visibly happy to be there. There was also the blond guy you had seen with Haibara outside the store that time – what was his name? Nanamin? Yes, that might be it.

But without a doubt, you were consciously avoiding fixing your eyes on a white-haired guy. Though it was relatively impossible as he stood out on his own, and the entire venue went crazy whenever he touched the ball.

He was good, or so you thought, considering your limited knowledge of basketball. Yet, the way he moved, handled the ball, and shot was exquisite to watch.

Oh God! What are you thinking?

You shook your head to dispel those thoughts, trying to avoid looking at him. Your foolish mind led you to think things you shouldn't.

You shifted your gaze to the scoreboard – 34-27 in favor of Tokyo. You were winning.

The game continued, intensifying with each passing moment, causing the crowd to become even more excited in the action.

During one of the timeouts, as Kyoko commented on how handsome Suguru looked in his uniform and sighed, your eyes drifted across the team, catching the direct gaze of Gojo's blue eyes.

A pang in your heart made you immediately turn your head away. His gaze had been soft and warm, causing you to feel nervous, even from five meters away.

Feeling flustered by the unexpected encounter, you tried to focus on Kyoko's words, but the image of Gojo's penetrating gaze lingered in your mind. The intensity of his eyes seemed to convey a message you couldn't decipher, stirring up a whirlwind of emotions within you.

As the timeout ended and the game resumed, you found it difficult to shake off the lingering effect of Gojo's gaze.

With just a few minutes left for the game to end, both teams were tied. You and Kyoko gripped each other's hands, eagerly awaiting a decisive move.

The ball moved swiftly between players. Eventually, it landed in Suguru's hands. Realizing the dwindling time, he swiftly passed it to Gojo. Could he make the shot from that distance?

The court fell into silence as Gojo launched the ball towards the basket. Your breath caught as you followed the ball's trajectory – one spin, then another. When the buzzer sounded, the ball found its mark.

The arena erupted in cheers and applause, celebrating the victory of the University of Tokyo. You and Kyoko embraced, jumping with joy.

Your university had won.

“Can you believe we won? Suguru was incredible out there!” Kyoko screamed, jumping on her place.

You nodded, but your gaze involuntarily wandered towards Gojo, who was now surrounded by his teammates.

“What's on your mind? You seem a bit distracted.”

You hesitated before replying, “I... noticed something during the game.”

Kyoko raised an eyebrow. “What? The handsome players?”

You chuckled nervously, “No, it's just... Nothing, it doesn’t matter.” You shook your head.

“You sure?”

You nodded, trying to brush it off, but the memory of Gojo's gaze lingered, leaving you with a sense of intrigue amid the celebration.

Both of you stood up and headed outside; Kyoko needed to talk to Suguru before you went home. You walked to the exit where the players were leaving and waited. A smile spread across your face as you saw Suguru approaching you both.

“There is your man.” You gave her a light elbow nudge, and she blushed. “Go on. Then you have to fill me in on everything.” You warned her.

Kyoko started walking and smiled at you. “You know I will.”

You watched as your best friend approached Suguru and congratulated him on the victory. If it weren't for the fact that it was real life, you'd think you were watching a romantic movie from the '90s, the way Suguru had taken your best friend's hand and led them away from the crowd. You could almost vomit rainbows at that moment.

You pulled out your phone from your bag and checked the time, 21:45. It was still early.

“You came.” You heard a voice behind you. You knew whose voice it was; you could recognize it almost anywhere.

The voice of the person you had been trying to avoid making eye contact with all night, and the same voice that had now caused your heart to beat a little faster. Would it beat even faster if you looked into his eyes?

“Well…” You turned to face him; he still had his uniform on, and his hair was wet. Damn. “You invited me to the game, didn't you? It was the least I could do for my private tutor and project partner.”

Gojo simply smiled at you. “We have some soda if you want.” He pointed to where the rest of the players were.

You shook your head. “I'm good, but thanks.” You played with your hands and looked at the ground; for the first time, you felt embarrassed about what you were about to say. “You played really well, Gojo. It was very... very good. You were good, I guess.”

“Birdie…” You lifted your gaze and realized he was incredibly close to you again. “Are you free now?”

“Um…” You hesitated. You were, but... “I'm waiting for Kyoko.”

Gojo cleared his throat and grinned. “Then you're free. Those two lovebirds will take a while.” Gojo stood next to you and took hold of your arm. “Come on, I want to take you somewhere.”

“Wait, Gojo.” You tried to free yourself from his grip. “Are you going like this?” You looked him up and down.

“Yes, why?” He checked himself. “This is my other uniform, and I've showered.”

“Oh.” You nodded. "I thought..."

"You thought I'd take you around all sweaty?" You averted your gaze, avoiding his. "You can see me sweaty under different circumstances..."

You pulled away from his grip and looked at him with a furrowed brow. “No, thanks.”

“I meant during basketball practice.” He teased you. “You thought wrong.” And you couldn't help but blush.

Gojo grabbed your arm and practically dragged you to the parking lot. You could feel people's gaze on you, which wasn't hard considering Gojo drew too much attention, much to your dismay. Most looks were curious, although many would have buried you alive if they could.

Gojo stopped in front of the black car he had taken you in before. You didn't know much about cars, but you were sure it was expensive. He let go of your arm and opened the trunk, searching for something. Then he pulled out a hoodie and handed it to you, and you frowned at him.

“You've been shivering since we left the venue.” He said, offering it again. “It might be colder where we're going.”

“Thanks... I guess.” You whispered as you took the hoodie. “But I don't understand why you want to take me somewhere. Kyoko will be looking for me.” You protested.

“I already told Suguru, I'm sure he's told Kyoko. So relax.” He shrugged.

“I still don't understand why you want to take me somewhere.” You sighed.

“Simply because I want to, birdie.” He put his hands on his hips. “I… I'd like to show you something.”

“Gojo, if you try anything, even the slightest thing, I won't hesitate with you.” You looked him in the eyes.

“I know, and I won't do anything you don't want.” He smiled. “Shall we go now?”

“Yeah…” You looked carefully at his face, noticing how the wounds were almost gone. “Your wounds… you treated them?” Gojo nodded, touching his face a little bit. “That’s good, I’m glad.”

“Oh birdie, is worried about me.” Gojo teased you.

You rolled your eyes and said nothing. Because in fact a part of you was worried about him but saying it out loud didn’t feel right.

You put on the hoodie he gave you, it was warm, and Gojo's scent filled your nostrils. It was too big for you, but it covered your thighs a bit. You got into Gojo's car and fastened your seatbelt.

Before Gojo got in too, you quickly sent a message to Kyoko.

You to Kyoko ☀️

If anything happens to me, it was Gojo.

I love you

Gojo hopped into the driver's seat, starting the car with a confident grin. As he drove away, Gojo seemed oddly focused on the road, a stark contrast to his usual carefree demeanor.

You watched outside the window and observed the city lights were starting to fade, distancing yourselves from the bustling Tokyo and entering a quieter place. That was the feeling as you looked through the window of Gojo's car.

The soft lights of fireflies illuminated the road. Gojo kept his eyes on the road, and the silence in the car wasn't awkward. In fact, you didn't feel uncomfortable being with him. It's true that he annoyed you, and often you couldn't stand him, but discomfort wasn't present.

Admitting it aloud was a challenge, but slowly, Satoru Gojo was earning your appreciation, even though you always proceeded with caution, carefully observing his actions.

It had been 30 minutes since you got into Gojo's car when the speed began to decrease; it seemed you had arrived at the place. A strange sensation took hold of you; you didn't know what it was, but it was there.

You got out of the car, just like Gojo, and waited for him to reach your side.

“We have to walk a bit, but I swear it'll be worth it.” He smiled and started walking ahead of you.

You didn't say anything and simply followed him; Gojo walked with determination and confidence in every step he took, regardless of the fact that the only light available was from the flashlights on your phones.

“I used to come here when I was little.” He broke the silence. “And then when I got older too, it helped me clear my mind and relax.” He looked over his shoulder at you and smiled.

You continued walking until you finally reached the place. The moon was reflected in the crystal-clear water of the lake, displaying a beautiful view.

“Tara!” Gojo sang, spreading his arms and smiling. “It's incredible that a place like this exists near Tokyo; it's wonderful.”

You wanted to say yes, it was, but that feeling in your stomach was back, and your head was throbbing.

“Birdie…?” You noticed Gojo looking at you with a concerned expression on his face.

“I’m tired…” You said. “Sorry…”

“No, don't be…” He shook his head. “Why don’t we go and sit over there?” He pointed at a bench near the lake.

You nodded and started walking towards the bench. You didn’t quite know what got into you but it was an uncomfortable sensation that wanted to break out.

Gojo sat next to you and you noticed how he started to play with his fingers. Was he nervous?

“Gojo…” You broke the silence.

“I’m sorry.” He cut you. “I’m sorry, you told me you didn’t feel like coming and still I brought you here, without caring. You probably wanted to get home and rest. Shit…” He held his head between his hands. “You are always working so hard and already came to see the match although you had to work and here I’m bringing you here when you are tired.”

You looked at him attentively; it wasn't necessary for him to react like this. He didn't need to worry so much about you.

“Gojo.” You whispered, gently touching his shoulder. “It's okay, don't worry. I just started getting a headache.”

He removed his hands from his head and looked at you before returning his gaze to the lake.

“I always come here when I need to clear my head.” He whispered. “When classes get too much or after training.”

Who would've thought, the great Satoru Gojo would be overwhelmed. You never would've been able to tell.

“Lately, I've been coming here too often, to be honest.” He whispered.

“Are classes getting to you?” You asked out of curiosity.

“Not exactly, it's more family problems.”

“Oh... I understand.”

“You know, when I was a kid, I used to sneak out and come here.” He smiled and looked at you. “When my parents scolded me or we argued, I'd grab my bike and come here.”

“You came here as a child alone?" You said in surprise, the place was a bit far away for a kid to come on their own.

“Yeah, they didn't care.” He said with a sad smile.

“Gojo…” You said concern, Gojo was opening to you in a way you wouldn’t have thought he would.

“But it's okay, I could relax here, and one day, I met someone.” He turned to look at you with a smile.

Gojo continued talking but you struggled to maintain focus, the intensity of the memories threatening to overwhelm you. His lips moved, forming words you couldn't decipher over the deafening roar in your ears.

A sharp pain shot through your head, causing you to wince and clutch at your temples. It felt like your skull was being crushed in a vice, the pressure unbearable. Breathing became a struggle, each inhale feeling like a futile attempt to fill your lungs with air.

The memories flooded back with relentless force, each fragment adding to the torment. You remembered the bright sunshine glinting off the surface of the lake, the sound of your mother's voice calling your name.

And then, the screech of tires, the sickening crunch of metal, the scream of terror that ripped through the air. You remembered the impact, the sensation of being thrown, the blinding pain as your body collided with something hard and unforgiving.

But amidst the chaos and confusion, one image stood out with stark clarity: your mother, her arms wrapped around you, shielding you from harm with her last breath.

Tears blurred your vision as you struggled to make sense of it all, the weight of grief and loss crushing you with its unbearable heaviness. You felt like you were drowning in a sea of sorrow, unable to find solid ground to anchor yourself.

“Birdie…” You could hear Gojo calling your nickname and your name.

You were having a panic attack?

“Are you okay?” Gojo's concerned voice broke through the haze, his hand reaching out to steady you.

You blinked, trying to focus on his face through the blur of tears and agony. It was all too much to bear, the weight of the past pressing down on you like a suffocating blanket.

“I... I…” Your words came out as a choked whisper, your voice trembling with the effort to contain the overwhelming pain.

Without another word, Gojo wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close in a comforting embrace. In that moment, his presence was a lifeline amidst the storm of your shattered memories.

Gojo's arms held you warmly and tightly, as if he wanted to remove the pain you were currently feeling from your body and mind.

That's when you realized how shitty you had been. Satoru Gojo had cried hugging you and at that moment you had not been able to do anything for him, instead you stayed silent like the coward you were.

Gojo was the opposite of you, he was what you wanted to be, open, positive, energetic, sympathetic but you were far from it.

“Birdie?” His voice was gentle, filled with concern, as he steadied you.

You blinked back tears, not wanting Gojo to see you cry, and trying to find the words to express the turmoil inside. “I... I need…”

“It’s okay…” He whispered, still embracing you. “I think the best is to leave.”

You simply nodded. Gojo separated from you and stood up first, feeling the warmth you had felt previously disappear.

As you looked up, you saw Gojo's hand extended towards you. On another occasion, you would have rejected it and said something to him, but in that moment you just wanted to feel the calm and warmth you had experienced next to his body.

You grabbed Gojo's hand and walked in silence to the car. In a way, you were anxious and felt that if you got into the car after remembering what you had remembered, you might have another panic attack. But if you stayed at the lake, you didn't think you could be calm. Anyway, all you wanted at that moment was to get away from there.

“Birdie…” Gojo's gentle voice brought you out of your thoughts.

You looked at him and saw the sadness and concern in his face.

“I'm fine.” You forced a smile, knowing he didn't buy it when he held your gaze. “Really, how about you invite me to dinner?” You tried to change the subject. “I'm starving.” You touched your stomach.

Gojo's features relaxed for a moment and he nodded. “Okay…” He opened the car door. “Pick any place you want, it doesn't matter. I'll take you.”

You nodded with a smile.

The drive was quiet, the only sound was the hum of the radio. You stole glances at Gojo, noting the tension in his posture and the furrow of his brow. Despite your attempts to lighten the mood, you could tell that he was still worried about you.

You wanted to assure him that he didn’t have to worry about you.

Notes: if you want to be tagged, just comment below 🤗

Tagged: @lavender-hvze, @crybabytoru, @sanriosatoru, @norvacaine, @sadmonke, @faetoraa , @hexipessimistic, @gojoful

[intothedysphoria]

Apparently Robin didn’t buy the cholera excuse. Something about “what are you, a fucking Victorian waif?”

Well, considering he was being forced back into the social group he’d had in high school, cholera wasn’t far off.

Carol and Tommy were ok. So was McKinney. And even Byers, from what Steve had heard of him, ignoring the whole dating his ex aspect of it. Munson, Holloway, Carver, nothing Steve couldn’t handle.

Hargrove was a different story, especially after the incident.

The incident Robin would never let him forget, despite his pleas to just fucking drop it, for his own sanity.

The night Steve had, after pretty spectacularly falling off the pool table, propositioned Hargrove for a threesome in a closet then had been looked at with such disdain he just left.

Steve wasn’t real excited to relive that joyous experience. Not when he hadn’t really done anything to redeem himself of that truly horrendous experience in the last five years.

Even just examining Billy’s social media, it was clear how inadequate Steve was. He’d qualified for the world championships for surfing, was funny and had actually retained the friends he’d had in high school. None of those things applied to Steve and the last video he’d uploaded to tiktok was his eating an entire bowl of trifle in under a minute.

When they made it to the quiet, indie cafe on the outskirts of town, Steve found that he’d been assigned a seat next to Hargrove. Clearly he was being punished for some unknown evil.

Steve had been in many awkward situations in his young life, over half in Synagogue because his Rabbi had a habit of wanting to “mix things up.” Nothing had quite come close to sitting next to Hargrove in excruciating silence, both sipping a coffee that had been ordered for, not by them.

Despite the fact that under normal circumstances Steve would rather die than have to look at Hargrove again, he looked so pained by the tension that Steve decided to save him.

“So, how’s Missy doing?”

Missy was Max’s golden lab. She was notably beloved across all overlapping friendship groups, but given that Billy was Max’s older brother, he’d have by far the most time with her.

Hargrove visibly deflated like a helium balloon after being asked a question and happily jumped into a monologue about Missy’s various exploits, primarily shoe related.

Mercifully the incident didn’t get brought up once.

Maybe it was because Robin thought being forced to sit next to Hargrove was pain enough, maybe it was because her friends had simply moved on with what they found funny but the last thing Steve was going to do was look this gift horse in the mouth.

Instead, he found himself becoming increasingly engaged in talking to Billy, who didn’t seem to mind being stuck with him that much. In fact, he was talking up a storm, telling Steve about his surfing career, his mental health after therapy, his favourite Instagram filters. It was a wide range of topics that seemed to truly broach who Billy the man was at twenty three.

Robin didn’t attempt to interject at all. She’d grouped the rest of the group all at one side of the table where they sat like a tableau, occasionally staring at Billy. Waiting for Steve to get punched for a second time, no doubt.

Billy flat out insisted in covering the bill by the time they’d finished and then hung around awkwardly after the rest of the group had started to filter out. Steve, not wanting anyone to be left alone, stuck around.

“Steve can we talk?”

Yes they could talk, despite Steve’s heart rate seemingly doubling from resting.

“About that night” Billy started and Steve prepared himself to run. Maybe to New Zealand. The weather was nice this time of year.

“I wasn’t actually pissed at you”

Now that was unexpected.

“I did really like you but I’m just awkward and my face doesn’t show when I’m happy all the time then you just ran away and I’m really just sorry that I scared you. And that I’m doing a shit job of explaining myself. “

All Steve could really say was “oh.”

He knew he was beaming from ear to ear but he didn’t care.

“Thank you for your apology. And uh, if it’s not obvious I like you back.”

They smiled at each other like dorks for a few seconds before Billy obviously regained his confidence, now smirking.

“So. Dinner?”

Even Steve could pick up those inferences.

They went to Billy’s together, squeezing each other’s hands and Steve let himself feel calm.

For @thissortofsorcery

[swallowerofdharma]

if you feel like sharing them, what are your thoughts on the current state of things between doumeki and yashiro?

Hi, I don’t mind sharing at all, only… I have felt a little disconnected from some comments on Yashiro when the last chapter was released and I wasn’t in the mood to write about it that much after that. From my own point of view, considering the actual amount of time Yashiro and Doumeki spent together after four years apart, things have been moving almost too quickly in between the various encounters that at first they needed to justify as “work related” and now with this new arrangement. They are keeping themselves hidden, they don’t want to show vulnerabilities to each other and they are creating a climate of half truths and deception and caution that is unnerving to say the least. And they are suffering because of that. The control also has shifted quite considerably lately and Doumeki has more power than he realizes and his actions consequences he isn’t able to foresee. But if I am being honest, I might be frustrated by the situation, but at the same time I understand it by a storytelling standpoint and from the characters’ perspectives: who they are, in what sets of circumstances they find themselves in. I appreciate the realism and coherence of their behavior. It would frustrate me much much more if they were to sit down and discuss their feelings, or if the author was spoon feeding the readers with some sappy solutions, kiss and go to the pride parade. I would taste the added sugar or edulcorates in my drink and spit it out immediately. I don’t really read this story to see a “happy ending” (both types), I read because it describes what trauma does to people in a manner that makes sense to me and doesn’t hide how hard it is to trust and connect meaningfully with people even when there is attraction or affection or loyalty. Personally, I am willing to read between the lines, and I see how they are repeating their words to each others back and forth to probe and see which one will take a step forward and admit that what they are doing isn’t exactly what they really want things to be. The story doesn’t work if the readers take the characters and whatever they say at face value, without looking deeper, behind the surface.

They aren’t honest because they’re afraid and if anything else I would expect fear. From Yashiro is the deepest emotion he has been carrying within himself and it’s so deeply tied to the feelings of love and loss, that is painful to see. For Doumeki is the fear of being rejected and discarded and left adrift again. I think that building instead an external situation making them confront the lies they have been feeding each other is good writing. I am not in a rush, because most of all I want the story to be believable and I don’t necessarily need comfort or fast closure or anything like that. I want these characters to be flawed because they went through hurtful things and live in a bad environment and they aren’t supposed to act like any idealistic version of themselves in my opinion. This is the story I like to read, and I think the pacing has been very good.

I have always felt a personal connection to Yashiro and I am treating him and his flavor of pain like I would have liked to be treated myself, with compassion, and this is why this story has been cathartic for me. I am willing to see what will happen but I don’t wish for things being forced upon Yashiro beyond what it is the necessary critical point that brings the willingness to change direction or unmask oneself on one’s own terms. The situation is extremely delicate right now. I didn’t expect that much attention to Yashiro’s own homophobia either, going into this story, but maybe I should have, Saezuru is always raising the bar. I think it’s amazing, to be honest, that this story is showing some specific aspects of Yashiro’s childhood trauma, as a person who never found an answer for myself: how much what happened to you as a child, without you having any choice, really changed the course of your life, derailed it to such an extent that you can’t even be sure about who you are, who you were and what the other version of yourself, the one nothing too bad happened to could have become, now a ghost haunting you. Are we maybe likely to built up a version of normality and innocence that adheres to common social norms and expectations, including heteronormativity, and if so is this why we feel like we are never going to measure up? Falling in love hurts when you don’t know how to trust yourself or the other person, when nothing feels like it has any foundation or security. So I empathized with Yashiro and I felt that last page with the rain, especially since Doumeki seems like another person (I don’t think we should buy into either of these characters’ deceptions tho). It feels like these two are standing in each other’s blind spot so successfully at the moment.

[yuri-is-online]

After reading a translation by Yuu Rei on twitter, I’ve been thinking about Book 7 and how this could potentially end. I know there’s been a lot of discussion of how this may need to be ended with a peaceful resolution since Malleus is so powerful and/or Idia’s plan is looking too much like Henrik’s very successful take down of Maleanor. Personally, I actually want to see Idia’s plan succeed to a degree and think it would be fun to defend why.

I’ll link it for reference here if you want to read the thread too: https://x.com/yuurei20/status/1672514883215331328?s=46

1. I personally would find it narratively fitting. History repeats itself when no one learns from it, and it was a previously mentioned lore tidbit that fae history is not well known among humans. And let’s be honest, anything that does exist on the human side for history would not be completely truthful on what happened with Maleanor if her fate is even mentioned. There has also been a lot of buildup with how overblots are dangerous to the health/wellbeing of the overblotter, and using Malleus to pay it off would both parallel Maleanor’s fate and nerf him for Book 8. A necessary action in order for the plot to not be immediately solved by Malleus’s ridiculous might.

2. I think it works with Malleus’s portrayal so far. He does have his good moments and traits, but I haven’t forgotten his tendencies to steamroll the opinions and perspectives of others. Take the Spectral Soirée for example, when Malleus decides to freeze time and kidnap a significant part of the student body simply because he sees himself in the lonely ghosts. No concern whatsoever for harm to his classmates or how it would look for an entire chunk of the student body to suddenly go missing. Or his dorm uniform vignette, where Malleus remains stubbornly insistent that it is the fault of the other housewardens or circumstance that he does not attend the meetings despite very reasonable measures to remind him having already been taken. Followed by a complete disregard for what’s polite/acceptable by summoning the other housewardens using magic reserved for objects because he doesn’t want to miss another meeting. The point I’m making here is that a massive rebellion like Idia gathering up his peers may be what it takes to get through to Malleus that what he is doing is not acceptable behavior just because he was afraid of Lilia leaving and didn’t want to be alone.

3. The last two books set a precedent for the shift from teaming up with solely the current and previous dorm to defeat an overblot to joining forces with students across various dorms. Combining that with the opportunity to build characters further by showing the NRC boys being capable of working together it would make sense for the big overblot battle to involve the other cast members like Idia’s plan intends to.

But I’m also kind of Malleus hater so take it all with a grain of salt. - 🦐

I am also kind of a Mallues hater and think his relationship with Yuu kind of gets overplayed by the fandom to an annoying extent at the cost of the character development and friendship of all other characters in the game by the English speaking fandom. In fic anyway, in game I appreciate him for what he is specifically for reasons like this, he's an interesting character.

I sort of disagree about Idia's plan looking too much like Henrik's take down of Maleanor. It might look like that on the surface to a fae who was there at the time but there is a big difference between Maleanor defending her territory and her child and the temper tantrum Malleus is throwing. To compare the two is disingenuous at best, which is why it is so narratively fitting that they might go down the same way.

I sort of get the sense that what happened is lost history because the fae eventually destroyed the human kingdom/ the kingdom destroyed itself. There is a reason Silver is an orphan and the fae keep to themselves. In a way Briar Valley seems sort of bad at history education? Which makes sense in a weird way, if you don't reproduce often and everyone lives for an age you sort of just expect to remember things and you don't always think to explain important stuff to kids. The point about needing to nerf Malleus for Book 8 is such a good fucking take I would be so surprised if the health complications angle didn't come up. I wonder if the consequences are worse for fae due to them being made of magic?

Malleus does seem to understand that his power is great and that it is meant to be used to bring people happiness... he just does not seem to see other people as. Well. People nor does he seem to understand the concept of dreams. In a way the ideals of someone like Azul are completely foreign to him because he's never had to work to be good at anything he's needed to do. Sure he might like learning to do mundane things like use a washer and dryer, but he doesn't need to do it and that's the only reason why he likes it. If he had to do it every day he would find that exhausting so yes, this plan does seem like the only way to get through to Malleus. He needs to realize he is treating people not like his subjects but his toys, just because Sebek is ok with that doesn't mean everyone else is.

Agree. I feel like the real threat in Twisted Wonderland, whatever it is, will need every student to work together in order to face it and not just a handful of students from one or two dorms. We still need to find out what's up with Grim and Crowley... and RSA if we're lucky!

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Tangled Hearts

✿ Synopsis: He was your number one rival, after being caught in a compromising position with him, you find yourself in a circumstance where working with him seems to be your only solution. A torn sheet of paper with a list of rules holding both of your signatures, being the only thing connecting you two. Yet, what if you find yourself wishing that paper was not the only thing tying you two together.

✿ Who: Park Jeongson / Jay [Enhypen] & Gender Neutral Reader ✿ Word Count: 19733 Words ✿ Genre: Angst/Fluff ✿ Warnings: Explicit language, forced kissing, kissing, bodily harm, bleeding. ✿ Request: No ✿ Enjoy.

“Read it and weep,” Slipped from your lips, slamming the exactly twenty-nine page report, which has a bright red A plus with a ninety-nine drawn in large letters and circled, onto his desk. “It seems someone didn’t do that well,” Mockingly left your mouth, as he quickly tried to cover the bright red A with a ninety drawn on in it large letters and circled, opting to just shove it into his folder instead of attempting to cover it. “If you need help you could always ask, I’m sure I could find the time in my schedule to tutor the less fortunate.” Was said with false pity lacing each word, nothing more than sarcasms dripping from each word that left your mouth.

Jay was quick to scoff, hiding the papers within his folder, before pushing your report from his desk, wishing you would just turn around at your table, instead of bothering him. “At least I got an A, or did someone forget that B you got yesterday.” He quickly retorted, laughing at the obvious displeasure upon your face, as he brought up the score you had received on your literature essay the day before, an eighty-nine, meanwhile he received a ninety-seven. “If you need help you could always ask, I’m sure I could find the time in my schedule to tutor the less fortunate.” He said, directly mocking what you had just said to him.

“Damn, y'all got nineties?” The person who shared the table with Jay inquired, as they looked between your papers, before looking at his own. “I got a thirty-two.” The voice was quick to add, which a thirty-two was a generous score, seeing how he only wrote about two pages and one of the two was not even on the topic the reports were supposed to be on. 

As you stared at the person who dared interrupt your bragging, Jay was doing the same. “Shut up Beomgyu.” Came from both of you at the same time, like some sort of coordinated circus act. Speaking at the same time, Jay and you made eye contact, an obvious look of disgust coming upon both of your faces. “This doesn’t involve you Beomgyu,” 

Beomgyu was fast to raise his hands up, symbolizing that he surrenders. “God calm down, I was just saying, I’d kill for a ninety-nine, or even a ninety.”

“Beomgyu, you would probably kill for a seventy, you have like what, a forty-three in this class.” Jay was quick to say, turning his attention to the guy besides him, hoping you would take the hint and leave him alone. Luck however in his favor, since at that exact moment a loud voice was heard clearing at the front of the class, drawing everyone’s attention.

Unable to retort to either of the men, you simply picked up your report, placing it into your folder, before focusing on the professor in front of you. Professor Jung was luckily not one of the hardest professors at your university, however, she did assign the most essays and reports. Today was no different, you had finished a month long report, and here she was ready to assign another report. The only question on your mind, was what would the topic be, 

“You all have done various reports and essays for this class so far this semester, so this month’s assignments, you will instead have a month long project. I know, you are disappointed you aren’t getting the monthly report and weekly essays as usual, but instead all your focus will be towards this project, so no reports or essays this month. This project is twenty percent of your grade, so make sure you work diligently, it can really hurt you, or it can really help you. The next two months will be one large project instead of two smaller projects, so remember who your partner is, they will be with you on this project until the end of the semester.” Professor Jung spoke, her eyes shifting towards Beomgyu as she said the last part. 

“I will be pulling it up onto the board momentarily, however I have chosen who you will be working with, make sure you get together with who you are paired with a plan out a schedule that will work for you. On our front desk, we have five papers, you will need one of each per group. One paper is a log, you will need to write down the time and date you meet up to work together and sign off on it, you need to meet up at least 5 times, to get full credit for that portion of the rubric. The next paper will vary group to group, they are upside down so you can not look through them; these are what you will be creating and if you need to create it to withstand a certain condition. You should all know we have been discussing urban building, rural building, and natural disasters; these sheets give you a prompt and some have a natural condition, you may be planning and building a kindergarten that can withstand the torrential tornados of the area, you maybe planning how to build a hospital in an area that does not have one for hours around and has extreme winters and summers, or you may be planning and building something that will be contained in the dead space under an elevated highway system. The third sheet is of the required components of your build and your documentation, each of these must be included for you to get full credit on this section.  The fourth sheet lets you know what is needed of your models, the minimum and maximum height and size your model can be. The last sheet is a list of questions that should be answered throughout your report. Please do not wait until the last minute to do this project, it is a lot more than you think it will be. Any materials for your builds can be taken from our department storage, however, make sure not to waste them, or take way more than you need.” Professor Jung finished her monologue, opening up the file with the pair's names onto the smartboard of the classroom, before starting to retreat towards her connected office. “Here are the pairs and class is dismissed. Get to work on your projects.” She said, finally entering her office, yet not closing the door behind herself, leaving it wide open for any students that have questions.

Looking down at the paper on your desk, the notebook sheet was filled with perfectly written and spaced notes. You documented everything she said was important, and wrote the main details of the project down. Making sure to make your things up, except for your folder, to put the papers into. Knowing that the professor made your pairs, you could only hope that Beomgyu’s name was not next to your own, since that would mean doing the whole project solo. As you thought about being paired with Beomgyu, a few other classmates names came to mind, Winter, Taehyun, Yuna, and others; each one being just not the best to be paired with, either they were failing or just barely getting by, and you would be damned if you let them ruin your straight A’s in this class. The lowest score you had received from Professor Jung was a ninety-four, and you planned to keep it like that. However, you did not have long to dwell on who you would be working with, as you heard an anguished muffled yell from behind you.

“She has to be joking,” Jay was quick to say, shooting Beomgyu a dirty look, as his seatmate started to laugh, knowing why Jay was so mad. “Don’t even start with me Beomgyu,” He said, the venom dripping from each of his words, causing Beomgyu to immediately shut up. 

Beomgyu noticed in his own silence, that you were silent, but also that you were packing your things. “I guess someone’s not as mad as you, maybe they wanted to work with you.” He was quick to say, rising from his seat before poking at your arm, with a laugh. “Am I right?” 

Feeling the finger poke at your arm, you moved your arm, staring up at Beomgyu with a look to tell him to stop. “Are you right about what? Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked him, finally deciding to look away from his grinning face, the only thing to look at being the board in the front of the class. “This is a joke right, this has to be fake, no way am I working with him.” You were quick to say, rising with a start, unable to believe what you had just read.

On the board was a list of names, Taehyun and Yuna, Beomgyu and Sakura, Winter and Karina, and right under that sat your name, next to one you would never wish upon even your worst enemy. “No way am I working with Jay,” quickly left your lips, grabbing your bag, you planned to make your way over towards the professor's office, this could not be happening, and you could not be expected to work with him. Hell, you would rather work with Beomgyu, the person whose highest score in the class was a fifty-four, than with Jay.

“Think I want to work with you either sweetheart,” Jay was quick to say, walking past you with ease, making it to the professor's office right before you did. 

Beomgyu stood back, enjoying the show, watching as you both stormed into Professor Jung’s office. “You might not want to work together, but it seems she wants you to.” He called out on deaf ears, since neither of you were listening to a single word from anyone, instead being consumed by your anger of the situation.

Walking into the professor's office, she looked up, gesturing to the door. Jay was quick to close the door, given the look in her eyes, you knew she had done this on purpose, and it let you know that you were not going to be successful in getting a partner change. “I can not work with them.” You said, just as Jay did, once again speaking in complete sync. As you had prior, both exchanged a dirty look, shocked that they spoke in sync once more. “I would rather work alone than with them.” Was said, both completely in sync again, causing an amused look from Professor Jung.

“You two are my brightest and best students. I don’t know what is going on between you two, this whole little hate situation, but it needs to end. The architecture business isn’t as large as you may think it is, and both of you, being as bright and excellent as you are, will more than likely be working together once you graduate. You two need to figure out whatever this little problem is between you, sort it out, and work together. You will not be getting separated, you will not be doing this project alone, and you will not just do the work on your own. You have been paired together, so you will be working together as a pair, I will not be changing my mind, this discussion is over, go get started on your project.” Professor Jung was quick to say, ending any argument before it started, not even giving either of you a chance to plead your case. 

Leaving her office, you felt dejected, and honestly, Jay felt the same. She dismissed the two of you and did not even allow you to get any words in, instead ending the discussion and sending you on your way. Exiting her office, the classroom was empty, not even Beomgyu hung around to bother the two of you. Leaving the office, there were exactly five sheets of paper left on the table at the front. Grabbing them, you sighed, guessing you would be having to work with Jay, despite how much it hurt you to think of. “Modern art museum surrounded by a garden, no major environmental conditions affect this area.” You read off the paper, just before it was stolen from your hand. 

“If you think I trust you with our project’s papers, you are dreaming.” Jay said, starting to shove the papers into his bag. Just wanting to leave this classroom, go to his apartment and forget this ever happened. Being paired with you was the worst thing that could have happened for his day, he would rather work with Beomgyu, or any of the other names on the list of slackers of the class, than you. 

Cringing as he shoved them into his backpack, you reached in, grabbing the papers back before he could zip his bag. “You could at least have the common fucking courtesy to not crumble the papers into small balls.” You said, starting to flatten the papers out, before putting them into your own folder. “You know, then maybe we can actually read them, when we need them.” 

Jay scoffed, watching as you treated the papers with such gentleness, attempting to fix the crinkles he made in the material. “Whatever you say sweetheart, whatever makes you feel better.” He said, just zipping his bag up before removing his phone from his pocket. “Just give me your number and we can plan when we’ll meet up,” He started, planning to insult you once more, by saying he just could not stand to breath in the same air as you any longer, yet seeing Professor Jung leaving her office, a new stack of papers in her hands, for her next class, he decided not to.

Looking up, seeing his eyes catch onto something, you knew Professor Jung was in the room. Knowing that, you stopped your own arguing, simply just putting the papers into your folder, and your folder into your backpack, before zipping it up. Giving him your number, you found yourself leaving the classroom right after him, the two of you headed in different directions as you headed to lunch. It took not even five minutes for you to receive the first message, ‘this is Jay’, being all it said. 

Before you knew it, it was the end of the day, you were on your way to the library, having planned to meet with Jay there after your last class ended. While walking through the various shelving units, you searched each of the tables, looking for the familiar sharply dressed black haired man. He had told you that he would be here after your last class, so you consider that maybe you should have walked with him here, seeing how you had all the same classes. That was how all this started, being the same major, you both took the recommended course loads, and therefore ended up in all the same classes. It being semester three of this, with five more to go, it was only natural that the two top students in each class would begin to compete with one another, being rivals. 

Walking through the aisles of the library, each table seemed to be full of students that were not him. In another life you would have been working with anyone else in the class, or better yet your professor would have allowed you to work alone, but instead you were stuck in this life, and stuck with him. Maybe in your other life things went differently, you were the top of your class, no need to compete with Jay for that spot; yet, for every life you were top of class, there was another Jay who was top of class. Throughout your endless search for the male, you were growing tired, where could he be hiding in this library. Rather than just having to search every nook and cranny of the library, you should have made him give you a specific place to meet at, which you would the next time you meet.

This was the first of your five mandatory meetings, and it seemed like it might not even happen. Anger filled your being as the thought that Jay had lied, wasting your time like this, crossed your mind. Getting ready to head back towards the entrance and leave, you found yourself standing at the stairs to the fourth floor, the last floor of the library. Deciding you may as well check it, seeing how you checked all the other floors, you started your way up the stairs. The fourth floor was rarely used by students, one half of the room was full of old books from the archives, while the other half of the room was filled with a variety of children’s books and stories. These archive books were not available to be checked out in the university's library system, but were allowed to be used while on this floor. This part of the floor was usually only used by medical students, using the books that were so heavy they were unable to be removed from the podiums on which they sat, while the other part of the floor was only used by the education majors, selecting books to read to their practicum classes and books for their children’s literature reports. Weaving in and out of the shelving units, even going as far as to glance into empty study rooms that usually remained vacant at this point of the semester, honestly they usually remained empty at every point of the semester, he was nowhere to be seen. 

The anger you had felt before ascending the stairs started to return, the fact that he had wasted your time like this, you had been searching throughout the library for almost thirty minutes for him. It angered you how he did this, practically sending you on a wild goose chase for him, when he obviously was not in the library during this time. The only places you had yet to check were the bathrooms, and you were definitely not going to be checking in them. Rounding the corner you exited the tall shelves full of old ancient books, most of which were factually inaccurate at this point, but too costly for the university to dispose of, into a much different scene, tall shelves full of colorful children’s books in a variety of languages. Walking through the first few, you started to hear voices, they were unintelligible from where you stood, but were louder the further you walked. Glancing at the books displaying brightly colored covers with anthropomorphic animals wearing a variety of clothing you thought to yourself, of course I would find Jay in the middle of the children’s section, these books are probably perfectly his reading level. 

As you neared the first corner in the children’s section, the voices became a lot louder, it was a female voice, and they were repeatedly whispering, yelling a name. Getting closer you started to recognize what they were saying, it was Jay’s name repeatedly; the girl was saying Jay, Jay Park, Park Jongseong on repeat, like she was trying to call some sort of dog. Immediately turning on your toes, you walked in the opposite direction, not wanting to run into what sort of banshee was a few shelves down calling out for Jay’s name like they were calling a lost dog. Walking directly into the next corner, you found yourself being grabbed by the arm, back pushed against the cold hard deep brown wood of the side of a bookshelf. Immediately you opened your mouth to scream, but instead a hand was quick to cover your mouth, muffling any noise. Looking up, you realized the hand belonged to none other than Jay, as he kept you from making any noise, his eyes staring into yours with a pleading look, begging you to say nothing. With a nod, his hand moved from your mouth, the pleading look stayed in his eyes. “Why they fuck are you hiding up here? What the fuck are you doing?” You whispered to him, trying to move from his grasp, but his hold on you kept you exactly where you were. 

As you started to whisper, Jay could only hope that Yujin was unable to hear the two of you, otherwise she would be all over him again in just a minute. “I’m trying to hide from Yujin, so if you could keep it down, once she leaves we can work on our project.” Jay whispered through clenched teeth, trying his best to keep the two of you hidden on the bookshelf edge, hopefully just out of Yujin’s line of sight.

Upon hearing the name slip from his lips, a moment of realization hit you at that name, Yujin. She was a girl you noticed back in the second semester, it was freshman year and she for some reason got obsessed with Beomgyu and some other guys in your classes. Beomgyu was always bragging about how smoking hot she was, that was until she realized Beomgyu’s future was not as bright as Jay’s. She transferred into your architecture classes at the beginning of your second year, but quickly transferred back into her original major, once she realized how hard the classes were. Honestly, she was a joke to everyone in your major, she would attempt to attach herself to any guy that would catch her attention, especially to any major that she felt would be rich. She had her try with the medical majors, none giving her time of day, she then tried to shoot her shot with the computer science guys, but they honestly were mostly too focused on coding to pay attention to her, the engineering guys did not even let her start, and then it was the architecture majors. None of them would let her around them either, Beomgyu being the only exception, and he was honestly the only one of them she did not want. 

Knowing her history around the college, how she described herself as majoring in becoming a missus, made the whole situation even more hilarious to you. Yujin, whose whole goal was not to graduate university, but instead to get married to someone that will be rich, seemed to have set her sights on the one and only Park Jongseong. His discomfort brought you joy, it reminded you of a freshman student you had tutored for one of your professors, he thought it was more than just tutoring, swearing he had fallen in love with you, always asking you out and not leaving you alone. “If you aren’t interested in her, just let her know, I’m sure she’d leave you alone after being told.” You mockingly said to him, recalling the exact words Beomgyu had told you last semester, overhearing your complaints about the freshman, Alex, words Jay agreed with at that moment. Yet, in this moment, based on the look he immediately gave you, they were words he did not agree with any longer.

Opening his mouth to respond, he immediately closed it again after hearing the voice getting closer and closer to where you were standing. Yujin’s shrill voice saying Jay on repeat like a broken record. The voice was getting closer and closer, like some twisted version of Marco Polo where only one person calls out, and in this version you definitely did not want to get caught by the one calling out. Jay’s body pressed closer to yours, the voice getting closer and closer. 

“Jay, I found you.” Yujin’s voice started to say, finally seeing Jay’s backpack, but luckily not seeing where you stood. She started to make a beeline down the aisle, easily walking as quickly as she could towards the man she had spent the last thirty minutes or so in the search of.

Hearing her footsteps get closer and closer, fear set into Jay, and you were able to see it on his face, knowing good and well that once she was here, Yujin would probably not be leaving him alone. You started to open your mouth, a comment for Yujin loaded, to let her know where he indeed was. The comment however never came. 

Jay looked around, trying to find a way out, Yujin getting closer and closer, terrifying him more than anything. As he looked around for a way out, he caught your eyes, keeping eye contact for only a second, he tried to find a way out once more. As Yujin was almost there, he did the unthinkable, bending down he pressed his lips against yours, rendering the both of you frozen for a moment, completely unsure of what just happened. 

The two of you just stand there, frozen, letting Yujin see exactly what was going on. Before you knew it a shrill scream was heard, she was shocked at what she saw evident by her voice. “You fucking asshole Jongseong,” She started to scream, “You’ve had a significant other this whole time you asshole, leading me on like I had a chance.” She said, the venom dripping from each word she said. With a huff that sounded more like a muffled scream, she turned on her heel, storming off, leaving the two of you alone, lips pressed against one anothers, and confused as to what just happened.

Once she was out of the area, the two of you finally parted, Jay moving away from you, making sure Yujin was actually gone. As he did that, you were unable to stop your hand from coming up, hitting him square in the chest, causing him to let out a labored breath, before stepping back once more, out of your arm’s reach. “What the fuck was that for Park Jongseong?” You whisper yelled at him, the last thing you wanted to do was attract Yujin’s attention back to where you stood. “I have to disinfect my fucking mouth now” Was muttered under your breath, as you wiped at your mouth with the sleeve of your plaid cardigan.

Stepping back away from you, attempting to dodge another slap that never came, Jay stared at you, his eyes catching the look of disgust that was held in your own eyes. “Sorry, you think I wanted to do that, it was the only thing I could think of to get rid of Yujin. You know how she is, a damn piranha, once she sticks herself on you, she doesn’t leave. I didn’t know what else to do.” He started to ramble, attempting to explain why he did what he just did. As he spoke however, he thought of how Yujin was the campus gossip, if she had not already, soon everyone would know what just happened, who he was kissing, and everything. 

“Maybe talk to her, if you aren’t interested in her, just let her know, I’m sure she’d leave you alone after being told.” You said, mocking him once more for the words he agreed with that were once said to you. “Maybe instead of putting your disgusting lips against mine, you could have used your words, and just told her you don’t like her. Maybe spoke up for the whole male population of the school, maybe humbled her a bit, instead of kissing me.” Was said, each word making you angrier and angrier at what he just did. “Do you even know what you just fucking did? Everyone and their mother is going to know what you did, in like thirty minutes. The devil moves fast, but Yujin moves faster, especially when it involves the object of her misguided affection at that moment in time.” You said, what was to happen, finally hitting you. “She’s going to tell every fucking one.” 

Jay shakes his head, wanting to do nothing more than forget what had just happened, what he had just done, what he had honestly just started. “Let’s just work on our project, I doubt she’s gonna do much. She’s all bark and no bite. Sure she’ll run her mouth, but who is gonna believe her.” Jay was quick to say, thinking of all the times the two of you have started arguments, knowing there was no way anyone in their right mind would believe Yujin if she said she found the two of you kissing. Honestly, most people would not even believe Yujin if she said she saw you two in a room not arguing, even that would be a stretch.

The anger in your eyes remained, despite his words, since you knew she would talk, and people would listen. Even if they did not believe her words, they would still humor her, they would listen to her talk endlessly about whatever it was, and this week it was yourself and him. “I swear to god, if I have even one person approach me about this bullshit, I will make your life even harder than it already is.” You were quick to threaten him, wanting nothing more than to go home at this point, but knowing you needed to start on your project. 

Grabbing your backpack, you were quick to walk towards the isolation rooms in the middle of the floor that separated the children’s section from the archives. Entering one, you left the door cracked, hoping that Jay had the common sense to follow you. Sitting down, you were quick to start unloading your supplies, getting everything from class laid out. Ready to start working on this dumb project with him, knowing the sooner you get started, the faster you can get away from him.

Jay was shocked at what he heard, listening to you threaten him, but he oddly understood why. Watching as you started to blaze a trail, walking away from him, he quickly grabbed his own backpack, walking quickly to follow you. Entering the isolation room after you, he was fast to do the same as you had, spreading out his supplies on the table, getting ready to start the project. Working together, the two of you decided upon some basics of your assignment. Despite having plans to get as much done as you could, the drama with Yujin had delayed your start, leaving little done, before you decided to finish for the night.

Exiting the fourth floor, you found a set of eyes on you, averting your eyes as one of Yujin’s friends caught sight of you and Jay leaving the fourth floor, you just continued walking. Unbeknownst to you, what Yujin had seen was already spreading along campus, especially amongst your circles. It would have been nothing more than hearsay, had it not been accompanied by a photo taken by a Yeji, one of Yujin’s friends who worked in the library, who happened to be monitoring the cameras at that exact moment. 

Exiting the library you were quick to realize a short buzz to your phone, opening it up, you saw nothing more than a message from Gaeul, one of your friends. The message said nothing more than ‘Jay? Really?’, alerting you that the mouth of Yujin had started to spread what she saw across campus already, much to your dislike.

Entering class the next day, it was odd, everyone’s eyes were shifting between Jay and yourself, yet none of them said anything. You had hoped that the rumor would just stay between Yujin and her circle, but obviously that wishful thinking had not done you well at all, since it seems everyone knew, even the teachers. Luckily no one said anything, most people were too afraid to speak up knowing how easily the two of you would give other verbal lashings with your words, too intelligent for many to even attempt to say anything. Well, that was until Beomgyu spoke up, once you sat in your seat next to him. 

“Enemies to lovers arc, am I right. I totally called it. The chemistry I sensed between you two, I totally know you two were totally hate fucking after class, I just fucking know it.” Beomgyu was quick to say once you sat next to him, Jay was on one side, while you were on the other. “Here let me switch you two seats, so you two lovebirds can sit together.” He said attempting to stand up, before Jay’s hand roughly grabbed his arm, pulling him right back down into his seat. “Oh, I see,” he started, like he was some sort of detective genius, instead of just an annoying classmate and friend. “A lover spat, I see. Probably wanted to keep your relationship on the downlow a bit longer, am I right, that photo Yeji sent around must have made it really hard to do that.” 

Ignoring Beomgyu was an art, if you were to be honest. He could be saying anything in the world, and your selective hearing would kick in, and only hear what it wanted to hear that fell from his overactive mouth. Yet, this time, your selective hearing was unneeded, you listened to each word he said, anger starting slowly, until it peaked at the last thing he said. “What photo?” You were quick to ask him, grabbing his arm, your nails digging into his arm as you started to squeeze his arm. “What photo are you talking about Beomgyu?” You repeated, each word getting deeper and deeper, as the anger started to take you over. It was expected that Yujin would run her mouth, telling everyone and anyone that would listen, a photo accompanying her words, that was crazy, there was no one on the fourth floor yesterday except for the three of you. 

Beomgyu grimaced, shaking his arm from your grip before grabbing his phone, quickly pulling up the campus drama twitter page that had been created long ago by students that had not enough work to do, and too much free time. “See, this photo.” He said, showing it to you, before showing it to Jay, knowing if you had not seen it, Jay probably had not as well. Holding his phone out, so the three of you could see it, he gazed at the photo. “Who would have guessed my two besties would be caught making out in the library, like naughty, naughty, you couldn’t choose a better place, the children’s section of the library. What if there was a child there? You two would have scarred it for life, imagine looking for Pinkalicious and instead seeing you two sucking face, horrifying.” 

Staring at the photo, you found yourself speechless, the anger that was within you found itself slowly being replaced by embarrassment. Not only did the whole campus know about Jay and you kissing, but here there was a photo to prove it. A photo that had not only spread through your department, but the whole campus at this point. Staring at the phone in Beomgyu’s hand, you were unable to stop your eyes from shifting down to the limited comments that were available, each one saying that they either saw this coming, or pointing out the fact you were making out in the library like heathens. 

Unable to keep yourself calm, you decided it was best for you to leave. Skipping class was unlike you, but with the feelings that were filling you heart in that moment, you felt it was best, needing to get away, to just have a day off. “I, I’ve got to go.” You quickly muttered to Beomgyu, gathering your items as quickly as you could, before leaving the classroom. 

Watching going through whatever turmoil was going on in your mind, Jay found himself caught up in the thoughts going through his mind as well. On one hand, Yujin would leave him alone now, but on the other, everyone thought the two of you were dating. Watching as you stormed out of the class, he was confused for a moment. You were often so strong, always willing to fight, but here you were all but running, and it looked almost as though there were tears pooling in your eyes as you left the classroom. He was quick to stand up, deciding to follow you, after all yesterday he said no one would trust what Yujin said, but he had not bet on her having a friend that was employed at the library and working yesterday afternoon. He ignored Beomgyu’s call to make sure his lover is alright, just wanting to do something he had never wanted to do to you before, apologize.

Leaving the classroom, you were unable to make it far before an arm grasped your own, stopping you where you stood. Coming face to face with no one other than Alex, the younger man stood there, obviously uncomfortable with what he was going to be doing. “Hey, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have come on to you if I knew you had a boyfriend.” He said, almost like all those times he made you uncomfortable would have been okay if you were actually single. His words said one thing for certain, he was only sorry at the thought that he had attempted to come onto another guy's significant other, not that he was actually sorry for making you uncomfortable with his constant advances and appearances. Alex opened his mouth, about to speak more, but seeing someone over your shoulder, he instead closed his mouth, just bowing his head, muttering one last thing before running off. “I’m really sorry.” He muttered, but it was more directed towards the figure behind you, than to you.

From how Alex reacted, you did not need to turn around to know who stood behind you, it was of course Park Jongseong. “What do you want?” You asked, your voice cracking, as you finally turned around, looking him in the eye. You wanted nothing more than to continue running, but seeing how he already followed you this far, you knew he would follow you wherever you left to go.

As Jay’s eyes made contact with yours, he knew he was right, there were tears in your eyes. The person that was always so strong, always willing to fight, stood here in front of him, tears filling their eyes and their voice cracking, breaking. “Um,” He started, suddenly feeling unsure about what he was going to say. He suddenly felt worried, what if what he said made those tears actually start falling, what if he just hurt you worse than you already were. You might have been rivals, but other than in the case of grades, he did not actually want to see you hurting. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry, I didn’t know that she had someone that would do that. If I was honest, I didn’t think Yujin would have any friends seeing how insufferable she is, let alone a friend that works at the library.” He said, like it helps somehow, like his apology would make everything better. 

Shaking your head, you turned on your heel once more, starting to storm off. The only thought on your mind was getting home as quickly as possible, getting back into the safe walls of your apartment, only there could you forget everything that happened and all about Jongseong. Had you been looking behind you, you would have seen Jay reaching out his hand to grab you, only to clutch at air, as you moved before he could catch your arm. Weaving through the students, you ignored all the stares, especially when you heard the footsteps behind you, only attracting more attention than you had before. Walking faster and faster, you practically ran out of the hall, down the flight of stairs, and then out the front entrance of the building, just needing to get away from all of this, to get away from everyone, to get away from him.

Jay was quick to follow you out, he weaving through the students as you did, walking fast just behind you out of the building. Seeing you rounding the corner, he started to actually run, easily catching up to where you stood, grabbing your arm, yanking you back towards him. “Please, just hear me out.” He started, keeping a hold on your arm as he spoke, knowing the moment he let it go, you would run once again, and he would have to chase you all over again.

You stood there in silence, not wanting to do this now, honestly not wanting to do this ever, but you found yourself turning around, finally deciding to confront this issue. “Hear you out about what? How is it not a total trainwreck that all of our classmates think we are together? How is it not a total violation of my privacy that some photo of you kissing me is spreading around online? How I should be lucky it was you since I obviously couldn’t do any better on my own?” You started to rant, unsure exactly what was coming from your mouth half the time, your brain just taking over, and running on autopilot, words falling out without much of a thought put into them. 

Jay shook his head, staring at you, listening to each thing that you said in that moment. “Just hear me out,” He said again, finally getting a nod from you, as you crossed your arms. “I know you think this is the worst thing that could happen, but think of it how I’m seeing it now. Yujin and her crew haven’t bothered me once, since those photos were spread. Think of that freshman, he apologized to you, have any of the other underclassmen been bothering you since those photos started to spread.” He started to explain, as much as he hated to suggest it or look at it this way, he valued not being followed by the girls that only came to college to find a husband even more.

“He didn’t apologize to me, he apologized since he thought he was messing with another man’s significant other.” You told him to start, pausing before continuing. “And yeah, sure, none of the other under or upperclassmen have bothered me since the photo was posted.” Quickly followed after, thinking of how none of the guys that were in your direct messages had messaged you within the last twelve hours. 

“I’m just saying, they don't bother me and you aren’t being bothered anymore either.” Jay explained, the idea coming together in his head. “All I’m saying, let them think we are dating. Hell, we could pretend to be dating, that way we can keep our sanity, we keep them away from us, and we don’t have to worry about them bothering us anymore.” Jay suggested, unsure of what he thought this was a great idea, but he enjoyed the space he has gotten since they decided to leave him alone a little too much.

Scoffing at each word he spoke, you found yourself shaking your head, pretending to date, letting them think you are, what kind of world is he living in. “You must be the single stupidest person I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting in my life.” You started, staring at him in disbelief. “Pretend to date, no one would believe that, and that’s possibly the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.”

Listening to you speak, he shook his head, listening to how easily you discredited his idea. “Just think about it. When those pictures spread, all those freshmen that were bothering you stopped, just cold turkey, no longer messaging you anymore. They didn’t even question anything, they saw that photo and just believed it, so I think they would. But, you know if you would rather, we can deny it and I’m sure that one freshman, what was his name, Alec, would have no problem being quick to ask you out again, you know, if you want that.” He explained, seeing how easily they believed a photograph, saying you were dating would probably work just as easily.

The grimace quickly grew onto your face at his words, the mention of Alex finally making your mind think, maybe it is not that bad of an idea. “No, no, don’t.” You started, finally thinking about what he said fully. “But how would we make it believable, no one's gonna just believe it just started or anything, they are gonna want to know details, information, and the backstory.” 

“Simple, we just worked out a fake backstory. Like how with our project we need to give our building a backstory, just like that, except it’s us.” Jay started to explain, “And we can just share our favorite things with each other, that way we know some things about each other, so if anyone asks, we know.” He said, nodding at his own idea, knowing it was a great one, but seeing the apprehension on your face, he continued. “We could consider this a project itself, like we are doing a project within our project.” He said.

Nodding your head, as much as you hated the idea of it all, the idea of being left alone seemed too good to resist. “Fine,” You started, before thinking of something that would definitely help this situation. “We need rules if we're gonna do this."

This was how you ended up sitting across from him, surrounded by an empty cafe, two half empty coffee cups on the table, and a notebook with a blue gel pen sitting on top of it. "Rule number one: no catching feelings." You were quick to say, writing it down, before looking up at Jay, seeing him nodding at the text.

“Rule number two; tell no one.” Jay added, seeing an odd look from you, as he spoke. “Don’t lie, I know you’ll tell Gaeul, and you and I both know, she can’t keep her mouth shut for anything.”

Nodding at his words, you quickly wrote it down. “Rule number three: no romantic shit.” You said, starting to write it down, only having the words rule number three down, when Jay’s hand stopped yours from writing.

Jay shook his head, grabbing your hand, stopping you after you had written down what rule you were on. “We have to do some of that romantic shit, as you put it, otherwise people won’t believe it. What about instead of ‘no romantic shit’, you put ‘only romantic shit when around others’.”

Shaking your head, you could not believe what he was saying, but you understood it to an extent. “What about, ‘romantic shit to an extent when others are around?” You proposed, seeing him nod his head, you quickly wrote it down.

“Rule number four: once all of this is over, we go back to hating each other, like none of it ever happened.” Jay suggested, watching as you wrote it down, before seeing you write rule number five, putting don’t fall in love again. “Why list that twice?” He questioned, just to see you shrug at the question. “Really helpful.” 

Signing the paper, allowing him to sign it, you folded it, placing it into a pocket in your folder, almost like it was a real contract. “I guess we need to learn some basic things about each other too while we are at it.” You said, finishing your coffee, just before Jay gets up to get himself a new coffee. 

That was how your day was spent, going over favorites, creating a backstory, making sure it was believable to others. “So, we hit it off after working together in a class last semester, kept a bit of a situationship before deciding to make it real this semester. We are still super competitive, but we don’t hate each other. Your favorite color is purple. You play the piano and guitar. Your favorite season is autumn. You enjoy cooking and playing video games.” You said, listing off the things you came up with, how you started to date, facts about him, and Jay did the same for you. As the cafe started to get more crowded, you realized how it was nearing noon, nearing the time that more and more students would be getting out. Noticing this, you decided to call it good for the day, allowing tomorrow to be your first official day dating.

"Hold my hand you dumbass." Was muttering under your breath, you attempting to slot your hand into Jay’s, as the two of you walked to class. The both of you slightly shivered as your hands finally intertwined, but luckily was invisible to the student eye, they instead saw a sweet couple walking hand in hand to class.

Jay had to resist the urge to grimace as his fingers intertwined with yours. “Your hand is sweaty.” He muttered under his breath, just loud enough you could hear it, but no others.

“And your hand is clammy.” You retorted back to him, allowing him to hold the door open, the two of you walking through the halls of the building your classes were in. Making your way to your classroom, you could tell other’s eyes were on you, but you honestly did not care, just happy at how the few underclassmen you had chasing you, were finally leaving you alone.

Entering the class, luckily it was empty, except for one person. One person who never comes early, but he could not resist the urge to see his favorite couple this early in the morning. “Oh, look at the lovebirds, even so enamored this early in the morning.” Beomgyu was quick to yell. Walking closer, you noticed that he had moved over into Jay’s seat, leaving his seat empty to allow Jay and yourself to sit together. “My favorite couple, making my heart swell with joy, I feel like cupid.” He started to ramble, running his mouth like he did shit in getting the two of you together. 

Sitting down, Jay followed quickly after, seated next to you. The two of you grabbed your things out, getting ready for class to start. At some point both of you were just ignoring Beomgyu, he was talking like he was a relationship god for getting you two together. Only hearing the odd word from him, you were able to put together that he was talking about starting a company, a dating company, getting paid to pair couples together, since he was the human version of cupid. 

You were ignoring him, until he started directly talking to you once more. “I’m just saying, I’m like a godly matchmaker, like if it wasn’t for me manifesting, you two wouldn’t be together. Like I manifested this, I could charge others and become a millionaire, you two being my first and favorite success story.” Beomgyu rambled on, like he had any part in this at all.

“Shut up, Beomgyu.” You were quick to tell him, having enough of this constantly rambling and talking. Holding his hands up, Beomgyu leaned back in his chair, causing you to ball your first, almost like you were planning on taking a swing at him. Shifting, Beomgyu was quick to lean as far back as he could, knowing you would not hit him, but not taking any chances. Jay was quick to catch your hand in his own, unfurling your curled fingers, and intertwining your hands. Starting to pull your hand out of his, a look of disgust almost coming over your face, you noticed the odd look from Beomgyu as he saw you moving, then the look upon Jay’s face, that made you just stop moving in all, staying still just accepting your fate. Staring down at your notebook on your desk, you slowly let out the breath you were holding out, trying to calm yourself. The last thing you needed to do was something stupid, since you knew if Beomgyu knew the truth, everyone on campus would within a matter of minutes.

Beomgyu was quick to make a soft noise, staring at the couple in front of his eyes. “Aw, don’t be shy, you two can hold hands in front of me, no need to be shy.” He started, thinking your reaction was shyness from him being there. “I am basically like your fairy godfather, so it’s okay, hold hands, sit together, kiss, it’s all good. I wish I was in love, seeing you two makes me want someone of my own.” Beomgyu started to talk again, going off topic with ease, going on and on about how he wants someone, how he actually thought Yujin was pretty hot, but she said he was not smart enough for her.

At some point, you were unable to hear Beomgyu anymore, the only thing on your mind being how Jongseong’s thumb was drawing small circles on your palm, just barely grazing the surface of your hand without a single thought. Despite the desire to rip your hand from his grasp, you knew what it would look like to the others, and the need to push the idea of this relationship, freed you from more things than you would gain from denying it. Since the rumor started there were no more weird guys in your direct messages suggesting tutoring sessions, that they hoped would turn into more. Jay was noticing something similar, since Yujin started the rumor, no longer did he receive the lingering stare of the single girls in the class, nor did he receive the whole spiel about how he was so handsome and so smart and they would like to go out with him. Despite the pain of the situation, the pros were outweighing the cons at this moment.

It was not long before your professor entered the classroom, her presence bringing all conversations to a stop as she started to teach. Only then did you let your hand drop from his, taking notes and making sure you document everything she said of importance. It felt odd, sitting in class next to Jay without the desire to argue with him, but honestly pretending to be with him was doing you more good than arguing with him would. The freedom you felt in this moment was nice, you were able to focus on the lecture and work, without the thoughts lingering in your head of the guys that would usually bother you within your social media. 

Class ended at exactly the moment the video the professor was playing ended, she had her presentation timed down to the minute for the most efficiency. Placing your items into your bag, you went to stand up, only to be met by Jay grabbing your bag from you, swinging it over his shoulder. Watching as your bag landed on top of his backpack, you had to stop yourself from physically recoiling at the action. The rational part of your brain begged you to rip the purple strap of your bag from his hand, telling you to carry it yourself, but seeing how you had already frozen at his actions, you tried to just push on. Finally standing, you followed him out of the classroom, luckily, or rather unluckily you had your next class with him; you actually had all your classes with him, the fun of being the same major with identical course loads. 

Walking besides him, fingers became intertwined, as your shoulders bumped together. Throughout the halls, you finally met a dead zone, no one being anywhere near the two of you, and the classes in that hall still being in session for a while more. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t carry your stuff?” Jay was quick to whisper around your ear, seeing him glancing at you from the corner of his eye. 

Nodding, you found yourself understanding why he took it, but part of you wished he had not. “I have to disinfect it now since you’ve touched it.” Was all you replied back, continuing to walk alongside him. During this time, you thought about what led you to be in this situation, and how it seemed like the plot line of some b-rated drama. If anyone would have told you that you would be walking hand in hand with the person you considered your worst enemy, your biggest competition, Park Jongseong, you would have laughed in their face, and gone on with the rest of your day. Yet, despite the impossibility of that statement only a week ago, here you were doing just that. Finger intertwined, shoulders bumping together, with your bag slung over his shoulder, the two of you being a picture of a perfect college relationship, the kind of thing you would see a photo of on the instagram of someone who peaked in high school, yet thinks them and their significant other are the it couple of the campus.

Jay said nothing, just a slight laughing slipping through his lips, as he heard what you said. The rest of the walk was silent, until he opened the door to the next class for you. “After you,” he muttered as you walked past him, as he held the door open for you. The two of you quickly found your seats, placing your backpack on your table, before taking his seat behind you. 

The silence of you two being the first in the classroom however did not last, as Beomgyu entered the classroom, taking his usual seat beside you. Class started without fail, and leaving class was just as it was before. That was how your day went from then on, Jay carrying your bag as the two of you walked hand in hand towards your next class. Having all the same classes made it irritating, as you had no chance to get away from him, or have any bit of freedom without him being around. Beomgyu sitting near the two of you in each class made it even more insufferable, as he talked about being a fairy godfather and how he was a top tier matchmaker, when he did not match shit.

This routine became a standard for the upcoming days and weeks. Like clockwork, Jay would be waiting outside your apartment building, the two of you would walk from the apartments to the architecture building. You would walk to class, and then after class you would walk to your next, this would repeat until the end of the day, when Jay would walk you back to the apartments. Each day he carried your bag without fail, you even stopped making jokes about disinfecting your bag, each time he touched it. It felt odd letting him do it, he carried your bag with little complaint, not even your actual boyfriends had done that, each having some sort of complaint about the weight of your books, the size of your bag, and what was in it. Instead, Jay carried it without word, even when the two of you would meet up to work on your project, he carried it, even when you knew no one around went to the college, or knew who you were. He was being a better fake boyfriend than your real boyfriends had been boyfriends. It was irritating to think of how someone you hate, was somewhat treating you better than someone who claimed to love you. Despite the cute acts, the two of you still exchanged harsh words, academic arguments happened over rushed whispers, others thinking it was a loving couple exchanging sweet nothings and compliments, when instead it was really bragging about grades and competencies, pointing out each other’s flaws in detail, and letting one another know about failures and disappointments that the other brought about. 

Even as you met the requirement for meeting for your project, the fake dating continued, soon branching from just being while class was in session, to when around campus, and eventually when off campus as well. Lunch meetings, you refused to call them dates, became a regular occurrence; as did dinner meetings, and shopping meetings. The two of you genuinely looked like a perfectly put together couple, unknown to anyone that within the idyllic fantasy was two people who were practically strangers putting on the performance of their lives. This was how you ended up here, at a party.

You were never one for parties, preferring a small close knit party to a large frat rager. Yet, Jay having to attend these frequently, thanks to his friends Heeseung and Jake, brought up how odd it appeared for him to show up alone, and he could only say you were sick so many times, before the boys would start questioning things. This was how you ended up here, holding a half empty cup, Jay had sworn it was water, but part of you had yet to pull together the desire to test whether it was water or vodka. You were standing near Jay, his arm wrapped loosely around your waist, as he chatted away with his friends. As he noticed you standing uncomfortable, he shifted the two of you, and his conversation around, moving towards the open sofa and recliner in the living room of the frat house.

As Jay took a seat, he noticed you going to sit besides him, immediately stopping you. "Don't worry darling, you can sit on my lap.” Jay said aloud, pulling you into his lap in one harsh movement. “Gotta sell this to the people don't we?” He softly muttered in your ear, knowing that you and only you were able to hear that. Yet, it was true, it would be odd if the ‘oh so in love’ couple were sitting apart. It would lead to rumors, is there trouble in paradise, was paradise nonexistent, is the couple no longer a couple. These rumors would open the idea of too many things, most that would not bode well for either of you, so it was easier to pretend to be a cute in love couple, than be truthful.

Leaning back, you felt comfortable in his lap, despite every part of your rational brain telling you to stand up, get away from him, to not think he was comfortable to rest against. The smell of his cologne filled your nostrils, it was a warm and comforting scent, and you hated it, you should not like it, and it should not have grown comfortable to you. As the night drew on, you found yourself getting cold, having not dressed properly for the frat party, you had no jacket or coat to keep you warm. As Heeseung and Jake left to refill their cups, "I want your hoodie... to sell the dating lie,”  You told him, turning around, to look him in the face, knowing that it was honestly only partially a lie, you were cold and it would sell the dating lie, but you also wanted it since it smelled like his cologne, a scent you had grown to like, a scent that you should buy your future boyfriend, once this whole situation is over. 

“Next time dress properly,” Jay was first to say, almost like a mother scolding her child for not wearing a jacket when going outside in the cold weather. Yet, despite this, he easily slipped it off, helping you to slip it on over your head, and straightening it once you had it on. As he did this, one of the nearby drunk girls started to fawn over the two of you, her friend dragging her away as he lamented about how no guy would ever do that for her. 

The peace from Jay’s friends leaving was waning, as someone even more annoying showed up, Beomgyu. Sober Beomgyu was annoying as hell, so you could only imagine what sort of level of hell drunk Beomgyu would unlock, and you were not prepared for it, whatever it was. Beomgyu was quick to sit besides the two of you, he was practically sitting on Jay’s lap almost, as he tried to get closer and closer to the two of you. “Lookie here, it’s my favorite couple.” He started, each of the words slurred, and his speech drawn out. “You two little love birds, I love you both so fucking much.” He continued on, watching as the two of you looked at each other, the eye contact you shared being enough to egg him on further. “Oh, no, don’t let me interrupt this little lovers moment. You two just do your little lovers thing. I see you eyeing each other, you two can kiss in front of me, you can also do more, I wouldn’t judge, my sweet little love birds.” Beomgyu continued on, encouraging the two of you to kiss, at some point, he stopped talking, just staring, encouraging, almost as though he was waiting for it.

Despite how badly you wanted Beomgyu to leave the two of you alone, it seemed in his drunken state, the only thing that would get him to leave was the two of you doing exactly what he wanted, the two of you kissing. Despite your unspoken pleas and prayers, he did not leave, and instead you found yourself turning to Jay, unsure of what to say, yet, luckily Jay spoke instead. “I don’t think he’ll go until we kiss, just play along.” He whispered into your ear, receiving a short nod, before his lips were on yours. 

The kiss was more intense than the one you shared before, the one that started this whole mess, it was no longer just his lips pressed against yours, but yours were reciprocating. As your lips moved against each other, Beomgyu let a single gasp slip, he was absolutely enraptured in what the two of you were doing. As he reacted like a shocked movie goer, you felt Jay’s lips moving around, from your lips to your chin, but you found yourself unable to tell him to stop. Beomgyu’s gasp simply encouraged Jay’s actions, as he started to kiss along your neck, making his way down your throat. Eventually stopping at one specific spot, starting to suck along it, as your hands made their way into his hair. Tugging at the strands of hair, Beomgyu was not the only one caught up in the actions between you and your fake boyfriend, yells from Jay’s friends soon caught your attention, and at that he finally parted from your neck.

Resting your head on his shoulder, trying to hide the redness that was overtaking your face, you watched as the drunk spectators all went on. Beomgyu back to the kitchen for another drink, while Jake dragged Heeseung with him onto the dance floor. "Do you think they bought the act?" Came out as a breathless whisper, as you still tried to catch and retain a stable breath.

"While I kissed you down your throat? They definitely did, honey." Jay was quick to whisper back in your ear. His words were stable and steady, he was not as out of breath as you were after that, despite him being the one who did most of the action. 

As he spoke, only one thing came to mind,“This doesn’t change anything between us.” You were quick to whisper into his ear, wanting to make sure to establish a boundary, a line, that no matter how many times you may have to do this, it changes nothing. He is your fake boyfriend, you are his fake significant other, and that is all you are to each other. Your words were more for yourself than him, a reminder to yourself, since you were finding yourself able to bear his presence. A presence you honestly would have only weeks ago hated being around. 

Sensing a shift in the mood, Jay was quickly to get you standing, before he led you towards the roof. Finally getting away from everyone, you felt the freedom to be yourself, as did he. Yet, somehow instead of staying apart on opposite ends of the roof, you found yourself standing next to him. Staring up at the stars, the night sky was gorgeous when the common light pollution from the surrounding buildings was not obscuring it. 

The silence with him was oddly comforting. Just the two of you, the cool breeze, the scent of his cologne in the air, and billions of stars illuminating the contours of each other’s faces. It was not long before Jay’s voice broke the silence, he started to point out different stars, different constellations, and explain some of them to you. It was odd, in the two years of classes you had with him, you would have never guessed he had a secret love for astronomy. Yet, you were not complaining, your eyes just following his pointing, observing the stars as he pointed out everything. “I would have never guessed you loved astronomy.” Was muttered, just barely heard by Jay.

Shifting his hand from one star to the next, he heard your words, just barely audible over the sound of the rushing wind. “Did you ever care to ask?” He murmured back to you, allowing the topic to drop, as he continued to tell you more about constellations. “There are also some we can’t see without a telescope, like the Perseus and Andromeda constellations.” He started, shifting so he was laying against the roof, tugging your sleeve, pulling you down with him, before he continued. “Princess Andromeda was the daughter of Queen Cassiopeia, she was very beautiful, so beautiful that the Queen proclaimed her more beautiful than Poseidon’s daughters. Poseidon, not liking that, decided to punish them, sending a sea monster, Andromeda’s own father, King Cepheus thought that if they sacrificed her, the sea monster would go away. However, before the sea monster could devour her, Perseus saw her, falling in love with her at first sight. An agreement was made, he would kill the sea monster, and in turn would have her hand in marriage. Yet, she had already been promised to another man, he fought for her and won, then boom happily ever after.” He told you, unbeknownst to you, it was his favorite constellation and story, it was one that had loved since the moment his mother told him the story when he was young. His mother had a love of astronomy as well, teaching him everything she knew, his own favorite constellation, being hers as well. 

Laying on the ground, Jay’s arm around your shoulders, keeping your head from resting on the dirty ground. Despite the chill of the wind, it felt comfortable, you felt comfortable, he was oddly comforting as he spoke about the constellations. It was interesting, you could tell when it was one he liked, he spoke with more conviction, with more joy, he enjoyed the topic more, than he did when talking about the generic ones he did not like as much. Your head rested on his shoulder, eyes still staring straight up, captivated by the twinkling and shining stars above your head. So many thoughts came to mind as you observed the stars, yet, none of them slipped past your lips, instead you enjoyed the silence, enjoying the moments before you would return to the party.

It was Jay who broke the silence, his voice soft, you barely heard him, and even then, you still think you misheard him. “You think we’ll end up falling in love.” The words were quiet, not even entirely audible, but he honestly did not care if you heard him, nor did you care whether you heard him properly.

At his words, you found yourself getting up quickly, reaching a hand out to him, to help him up. “I think we should go.” You were hastily saying, wanting to get out of here. The ideas flooding your mind were not welcome, and after spending the day with him, you just wanted to be all alone to suffer with the thoughts going on in your mind. 

Instead of standing, he just stared at you, the stars illuminating the area behind you, broadcasting you like some sort of beauty, but he could only wish it was someone he actually loved standing in front of him, not you. It took a few moments before Jay stood, the two of you making your way out of the party, ignoring the calls and yells from his friends and Beomgyu. Leaving the party, a sudden wave of fatigue hit you, Jay walked you to your apartment, before leaving to go to his own. 

As you found yourself falling into your bed, the thoughts of what had happened tonight flooded your mind. The thoughts flowing through your mind at lightning speed, before you eventually found yourself lulled to sleep.

After that night, you found yourself oddly enough getting closer and closer to the male, becoming accustomed to his presence, feeling uncomfortable when not around him, it was almost like you were really dating. It was just like a friendship was being formed,or something, you were unsure what exactly it was. No longer did your time alone consist of bickering constantly, but instead it was filled with actual conversation, sharing interest, and more than just bragging and arguing.

This was how you ended up with him sitting at your kitchen table on this Sunday afternoon. You two may have already met the requirement for in person meetings for your project, but the desire to go above and beyond by both of you, made that requirement nothing more than a simple number. Both of you had easily gone over that number, sometimes even meeting twice in one day to work on the project, both destined to get the highest score possible on this assignment. It was on this day that you were working on the display aspect of your project. 

Two days prior both of you had raided the supply closet, taking just exactly what you needed for your display, to make the perfect model of a modern art museum and the surrounding garden. Jay sat trimming down little fake bushes, starting to create the outline of the garden, while you sat attempting to open another package of fake plants. The utility knife you were using made quick work of the thick tape keeping the package closed, but it also made quick work of your hand, slicing your palm as you made a quick downward movement, not closing the blade quick enough. A pained gasp came from your mouth, as you dropped the knife, it closed before hitting the floor with a sound. Trying to hold your hand, attempting to stop the bleeding, the action was caught by the person sitting across from you.

"Why did you hurt yourself?" Jay was quick to say, his body moving around the table towards you with speed. He quickly grabbed your hand, the napkins on the table from your midwork snack, quickly being pressed against the wound, as he tried to stop the bleeding.

Watching as Jay tended to your injury, you found yourself trying to tug your hand out of his. “It’s not that bad.” Was what you said first, but he did not listen to you in any capacity, just continuing to apply pressure to the cut. "None of your-" 

Jay’s grip on your hand did not leave, he instead started to steer you towards the sink in your kitchen. Luckily it was only a few feet from the kitchen table that you two were seated at working. "Yeah, then fuck you. My bad for caring." He said without much thought, starting the sink, allowing the water to stream out. Removing the napkins, he pulled your hand under the water starting to wash out the cut, while seeing how deeply you had injured yourself. 

"For an asshole, you make a pretty good boyfriend." fell from your lips as he cleaned the injury out. Taking care of you like someone who genuinely cared for you would. It was odd, no one was here to see his actions, but he still gently tended to you, cleaning out the cut before starting to get ready to bandage up your hand, once you pointed him towards the first aid kit you kept in the kitchen. 

As he made sure you would not bleed out on your floor, he finally released your hand, leaning against the counter of your kitchen, looking at you, before grabbing the kit. “I could say the same about you.” Jay was honestly a bit surprised at how well this had been working, how easily you two played the part, your Oscar worthy performances tricking everyone around you.

You would never admit it, it would hurt your ego and probably inflate his, but sometimes you wished it was not fake. The enjoyment of being around him, how he genuinely listened to you and gingerly treated you, he was a better boyfriend than your actual ex boyfriends were. You found yourself wishing when he would kiss your cheek, that he was doing it out of love, not because Yujin was staring. You found yourself wishing when he was carrying your backpack to and from class, that it was actually because he was your boyfriend, not because he was just playing the part. It hurt sometimes, hearing the comments from others about how perfectly matched the two of you were. Both overachievers, getting degrees in architecture, and a desire to be top of the class; so many similarities, of course the two of them would fall in love, but you genuinely wished that look of love others claimed to see was real.

Resting against the counter, you sat on the marble tile as he started to bandage your hand. When it started, holding his hand felt like nothing, you could only feel how sweaty and clammy his hand was, but as the days turned to weeks, it felt more comforting, almost like maybe it was where your hand belonged. You would never admit it to him, the thought that you felt maybe you were falling for him, maybe you were no longer feeling that hatred and pain you once felt for and around him, but instead you felt a slight tinge of joy when walking hand in hand with him, when seeing his face seated next to you in class. Sometimes you even find yourself getting lost while thinking of the idea of his face, the idea of his lips against yours once again, the idea of this all coming to end sometimes soon and the pain you would hold afterwards.

It was not long before Jay had finished tending to your hand. “And there you go.” he muttered, before helping you down from the counter where you sat. His hands felt natural around your waist, as he picked you up before putting you back down. You enjoyed the feeling far too much, way more than you should. You should hate the idea of his hands on you, the idea of his arms wrapping around your waist and holding you close, but you did not, you could not even if you tried. 

You were the one who so vehemently demanded the to add the rule about not falling in love, so passionate about it, you added it twice, it being rule number one and number five on the singular piece of paper that bound the two of you together. You just wanted to say fuck the rules, fuck the paper, and fuck the feelings you were having. Weeks ago you would have thought your dazzling personality would enrapture this man enough to fall in love with you, someone he would never have. But instead, here you were the one breaking your own rule, finding yourself falling in love with someone you would never have, since one day all this would be over, you would say the contract is finished, and he would go happily upon his way, and you would do the same. Yet, he would be a lot happier seeing this end, than you would be. 

Sitting back down, Jay took the packages, instead handing you the ones that were already open. “So that doesn’t happen again.” He explained, starting to empty the boxes so you can work on the project without the risk of injuring yourself again. 

The project was one that was simple enough to complete, the museum had already been built from foam, and all you had to do was arrange it and the garden. The afternoon quickly turned into evening, and soon you were putting the finishing touches onto the display, and it was ready to be presented to your professor. Having already completed all the written work, it meant that your project for this money was complete. You may have hated it to start, but you were thankful that partners were for the rest of the semester, not just this project, since at least it meant you had two more months to enjoy this treatment, to enjoy being with Jay, before it would all probably come to an end. 

As Jay placed the display on the island of your kitchen counter, it was odd, there was a knock at the door. You were in the midst of putting everything up, about to tell him to grab his stuff so he could leave. Moving away from the table, you did not even make it to the door before it flew open. Standing there was your mother, a person who had your spare key against your better judgment. 

“My baby,” The older woman said, kicking her shoes off with speed, before crossing the few feet that separated the two of you, pulling you into a hug. At that action, you were unable to move, just letting her hug you as much as she wished. After a moment, she finally released you, looking around, a gasp slipping out of her mouth with ease, as she sees Jay’s shoes sitting on the ground by your shoes. “You have someone over?” She was quick to ask, just as Jay exited the kitchen, coming to look for you.

The scene was an odd one, your mother fawning over Jay, just assuming he was your boyfriend without much word from you. “This must be the young man that Beomgyu set you up with.” Your mother said, but you were stunned at her words, unable to speak. “He’s such a lovely young man, he told his mother all about how he was playing matchmaker and set you up with such an amazing young man. His mother told me all about it at our monthly hair appointment.” 

Honestly, you should have expected that much, Beomgyu did believe he was some sort of relationship god and that he manifested the relationship between Jay and yourself. You also should have expected your mother to find out about it sooner or later, after all she was best friends with Beomgyu’s mom, that being a large reason why you were somewhat friends with the odd person. Sheer panic set in, you wondering just what he had told his mother, and just how she twisted those words in telling your own mother. 

Jay was oddly able to sense the stress you felt from this situation, and reacted accordingly. Seeing the woman that he overheard call you their baby, he assumed this was your mother, and seeing how she seemed to know about the fake relationship, he acted accordingly. “Yes, I’m Jay, their boyfriend.” He said with ease, walking closer, sticking out his hand to your mother, however your mother was quick to pull him into a hug, squeezing him just as she did to you.

“Oh, if I knew you were here with your boyfriend, I would have come on a different day to visit you.” Your mother started, finally letting Jay go, acting as though she would have come another day, when you know she really would have come today, just probably at an earlier time. “I was going to take you out to dinner, but I may as well just take you both, my little love birds.” She said, as she eyed the two of you, going as far as to send a wink your way. You knew from that alone that you were in for an earful later, she was probably never going to shut up about how handsome and polite he was, or about how he was nicer in the five minutes she knew him than your ex’s were.

Jay was quick to shake his head, starting to refuse the offer, starting to come up with some lie so that he could leave, but seeing the look on your mother’s face, he knew it would not work. “Um, sure, why not. I have no objections, Mrs.” He said, his hand slipping into yours with ease, watching as you nodded your head.

Your mother was quick to notice his action, a smile quickly coming upon her face. “Oh goody, come on children,” She started, turning on her heel to go towards the door once more, “and don’t call me Mrs. just call me mom,” she added, conveniently stopping herself from saying since she’d be his mother in law soon, despite how badly she wanted to, slipping her shoes back on before opening the door. “Let’s go, mimosas wait for no one.” She said, stepping out of the apartment, waiting on the two of you.

This was how you ended up sitting next to Jay, while your mother sat across from you, leading the conversation. She went on and on about what she was doing in life, her job and everything, especially mentioning everything she had heard from Beomgyu’s own mother about his matchmaking abilities. She then turned the conversation onto Jay, doing her best to get the ‘get to know the parents’ conversation out of the way. He spoke with her with ease, it made you slightly saddened watching the two of them speak, she was getting along better with Jay than she had any of your other ex’s, and this was not even a real relationship for this level of attention. When you agreed to fake date Jay, you never thought that it would lead to the two of you having a nice dinner with your mother, and it was oddly going great. 

As the three of you started to wrap everything up, Jay excused himself for a moment. During this time, your mother wasted no time starting to talk. “Oh my gosh, he’s so nice and polite. You really picked a good one this time, unlike your ex’s. He’s so handsome too, like oh my I’m going to have to tell Beomgyu’s mom all about this, she’ll be so proud her little boy set you up with such an amazing man. And you two are the same major and all, and he’s just as passionate about it as you are. I just think it’s a match made in heaven.” Your mother rambled, she honestly would have continued, had it not been for her seeing Jay on his way back to the table. Sending a quick wink to you, she stood, and you followed, the three of you making your way back towards your apartment after she paid. 

"I'm pretty sure my mom likes you way more than any of my actual partners." Was the first thing out of your mouth, once Jay and yourself were safely within the confines of your apartment. It was honestly ridiculous, the first one of your boyfriends that your mom likes, is the one that is not really your boyfriend. Every other one she had some sort of complaint about, he was too work oriented, he was too controlling, he was lazy, he was uncaring, he was rude. But she had not a complaint for Jay, instead she spilled out compliments, he is committed to his school work, he is passionate about architecture, he is kind, he is polite, and he is handsome. 

To your dislike, laughter was all you heard from Jay for a moment. “I guessed that,” he said through his laughter. “The way she couldn’t even wait until I was out of earshot, before she started talking. What was it she said again? ‘Oh, he’s so handsome and polite, unlike your usual boyfriends’.” He said, recalling the exact words your mother had said only minutes prior to the three of you leaving the restaurant. 

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” You muttered, walking through the living room, you found yourself sitting on your sofa. The scene felt too comfortable, like the man in front of you was not someone you would have argued with and yelled at only weeks prior. The comfortable feeling you gained around Jay was not on your list of things that might happen, it was not even anywhere near the list. Repeating the mantra in your head, you were the one after all that added ‘no catching feelings’ to the list, not just once, but twice. 

Jay laughed at your words, still in the process of removing his own shoes, just as you had. “Oh, don’t worry, I will.” He jokingly said, following you without a word into the living room. He went to sit beside you, the tone in the room completely shifting, he watched as you shot up, sitting straight, causing him to look around, remembering where was. He was not with his friends, he was at your apartment, and he needed to leave. “I think I’ll head out.”

“I think you should go.” You spoke at the exact same time as he did, both seeming to realize where you were, the tone of the room was no longer jovial and happy, it was awkward and unsure. You were unsure of whether you wanted to really go, but you had already spoken, already told him to leave. You were also unsure how he would react if you asked him to stay, would he say no and leave or would he laugh in your face, or maybe he would catch on and make fun of you for possibly breaking one of the few rules you had outlined for this. 

Jay was quick to nod his head, bag in his hand, and he was out your door before you could think of anything else. Standing up, you were fast to follow him, closing the door behind him, locking it, before leaning against it. Staring at the beige wall across from the door, you tried to compose yourself, but failed. Back against the door, slumping down, you found yourself sitting on the floor. Soon your hands were covering your face, soft sobs coming from your mouth as the events of today and the past few weeks finally fully started to be interpreted in your mind. The soft sobs quickly turned to full sobs, your shirt becoming tear soaked quickly, unable to stop the tears from falling.

The thoughts of the feelings you felt holding his hand, kissing him on the cheek, him kissing your cheek, it was all too much. He would carry your bag, he would always wrap an arm around you, he would walk you to and from classes, even carrying your stuff when you would work at the cafe or library instead of letting you. It was too real, it felt too real, you wanted it to be real. The realization that you never really hated him, was a tough one. You two were always nothing more than rivals, encouraging each other to do better, to get higher scores, to try to outdo the other. He was so much like you, you had the same passion for your chosen field, enjoyed all the paperwork and crafting, and had the same desire to be the best. This whole situation was not something you would have thought would happen, you were usually happily fine just competing with him, not having to be around him except in class. Yet, finally admitting to yourself what you felt was difficult, but the worst part was knowing he did not and would not feel the same. Your mother loved him, you felt like at some point you would love him as well, but he would never love you. 

Hands intertwined, you found yourself being walked from class to the library, once again the two of you meeting to make sure your project was finalized. If the events of the past few months were odd, no longer were you arguing and yelling, instead the conversations consisted of teasing and light bickering. No longer did the two physically cringe when your hands met, instead you silently reveled in the feeling, how his hand enveloped yours and felt within your grasp. Enjoying how he would lead you around the campus with ease, hands intertwined, swinging to and fro as you walked side by side. 

The end of the semester was coming, and you thought that it would mean the end of whatever was going on between Jay and yourself as well. The semester would end, the fake dating would end, all the feelings you had towards him would be pushed aside, and the next semester you would come back and fall back into your pattern of being rivals and hating one another. At the start of this agreement, you genuinely could not wait for it to be over, but now as it was nearing its end, you wished for it to continue. Struggling with the realization of your feelings towards Jay, even fake dating him was better than nothing, and you would rather continue doing that, than having nothing from him. 

Faking dating him was better than being nothing more than a rival to him. The feelings you felt you wished would just disappear, push them into the back of your mind like they never existed, like they had never existed. Soon you will go back to just being a rival with him, the only thing connecting the two of you is the desire to outdo the other, the need to score higher, to do better, to be the best. The warm feeling flooding your chest when you held hands, would be gone. The joy you felt from just spending time with him, even if it was nothing more than doing homework together. The happiness that would overcome your being, just from the small things he would do when with you. Meeting him in the morning, him having gotten you your favorite morning drink, would stop. He always carrying your favorite snacks in his bag, for mid study session snacks, would no longer be there. He remembered and always ordered your favorite pastries, when the two of you would work at the cafe, would be gone. Most of all, he walking you to and from class, making sure you got home safe, and constantly checking in on you throughout the day, would stop.

As the two of you rode in the elevator, Jay could sense something was wrong. There was no conversation flowing, there were no witty remarks, and there was nothing going on between the two of you. “Hey,” His voice was soft, as he caught your attention, his hand coming up, tilting your face up to look at him. “What’s wrong?” He asked, his thumb starting to stroke your cheek. “Do you not feel well?” He added. As you attempted to shake his hand off your face, he however stood there, not moving. “Hey, tell me what’s wrong. If you don’t feel well, we can finalize the project on another day. I can take you back to your apartment, we can get you your favorite tea, and just take a rest day.” 

"You're not my boyfriend, why do you keep saying romantic and caring things?” You were unable to stop the first thought in your mind from slipping past your lips. Immediately after, you gasped, realizing what you had said. 

Jay however did nothing more than laugh, hearing your words. "So... you think I'm romantic and caring.” He replied with ease, a smirk starting to come upon his face, at your words. 

“No,” Immediately slipped from your mouth, attempting to answer him and defend yourself. “I just…” Unable to think of a reply, with all the thoughts in your mind, none of them came out. There was no one around, so why was he being so sweet to you? Why did he always do this, getting you coffee and tea in the mornings, getting you snacks, making sure you were alright. These were things a boyfriend would do, which he was not yours, and a fake boyfriend would not do these things in private. Jay not only did those things around others, but also when it was just the two of you. He would always say some bullshit about how he likes to be consistent, but consistency was making your heart skip a beat, consistency was making the butterflies in your stomach go crazy, consistency was making you feel things for him that you should not be feeling for him.

Luckily, you were saved by the elevator doors opening, unable to respond, and instead just listening to his laughter, before he pulled you from the elevator, over to your usual table. The past few days had gotten harder and harder to spend time with him without the feelings flooding your mind taking over all rational thought. It was getting to the point that you were unable to spend time with him, without wishing this was real, that the way he held your hand was genuine, that the way he spoke to you was all you ever wanted in the world. He was so sweet and romantic and caring, but it was not real, it was not actually a relationship, despite how badly you wished it was. 

“Hey, if you don’t feel well, we can just raincheck today?” Jay’s voice breaks your train of thought, he watches as you shake your head.

You did not want to let him know what was going on, and instead just put a smile on your face, wanting to get this day over with. “I’m fine, let’s just finish this up and then we can go our separate ways.” You suggested.

Jay was quick to look around as he heard your words. “Let’s finish the last parts of the project, and then I think we need to go to the cafe, to talk about our, you know, situation.” The finalization of your project was completed with ease, just making sure that each and every part of the rubric was answered and all ready to be turned in. 

As the both of you had checked the last question on the paper, making sure it was answered, you started to pack up your supplies, ready to leave, to finally get back to your apartment. However, you were unable to get all of your things packed, before Jay’s voice caught your attention. “Hey, let’s go to the cafe, we need to discuss something. Then I’ll walk you home, okay?” He said, and you only nodded, just wanting to get this day over with.

Once again, you were hand in hand with him, Jay holding your backpack, as you walked across campus with him to the cafe. As you took a seat in your usual spot,the secluded table at the corner, you waited for Jay. It was hard to keep yourself from smiling as he put down your favorite drink. He always remembered all these little things. These were things that even your ex’s would not remember, your favorite drink, food, snack, and just everything. Despite the desire to enjoy the moment, you left the drink where it sat, looking up at Jay. “What did you want to talk about?” 

Jay was sipping at his coffee when he heard your voice, deciding he might as well just get to the point. “I know we said that we should just do this until the end of the semester, but I think it might be good for us to continue after coming back from winter break.” He was quick to say. “I just think it would be best, like Yujin and her friends have been leaving me alone, and I know the freshmen aren’t bothering you, and I just think it would be best for us to continue. I mean, I feel like we don’t hate each other as much anymore, and just don’t you feel better without having to worry about them. We can just continue and then maybe once Yujin latches onto someone else, we can end it.” He offered.

Nodding your head, you found yourself agreeing without even thinking about it. “Yet, I guess that makes the most sense.” You said without a single thought in your head, you were trying to not think about this. Trying not to think about how his hand would hold yours, how he would kiss your cheek, and how he would say the sweetest words to you without much thought. Trying not to think about how much it would hurt hearing those words knowing he did not really mean it, holding his hand knowing he would rather be holding someone else’s hand, and feeling his lips on your cheek knowing it was only there for show. 

You watched as Jay responded with nothing more than a nod, sipping at his drink once more. The silence was usually comfortable, yet, you found yourself uncomfortable. Sipping at your drink, trying to finish it a bit quicker than you usually would have, wanting nothing more than to leave. As you quickly finished the drink, you stood, grabbing your bag, throwing it over your shoulder, before Jay could try to grab. “Take your time, I’m just gonna head out.”

Jay was fast to stand, watching as you started to grab your stuff. “Hey, I’ll walk you back.” He said, starting to grab his own things, it was odd how you wanted to leave so quickly, but he did not question it. 

Shaking your head, stepping away, ready to go. “No, it’s fine. Just enjoy your coffee, I just want a moment alone.” You tried to assure him, watching as Jay slowly nodded, before he slowly sat down, deciding not to fight you on this. Leaving the cafe, the walk back to your apartment was lonely, you were accustomed to Jay being beside you, his pace always slowed down to meet your pace. As you walked, you had time to think, the thoughts of everything flooded your mind. The thoughts of what you had agreed to, and how it was affecting you, only months ago you would have not enjoyed just being with Jay, only months ago you would have not wanted to be around Jay, and only months ago you would have not been falling for Jay.

December came and went with little fanfare. The project was done, presented, and graded with a wonderful score of ninety-eight. Winter came and went, the break being far to short, before it was time to resume classes. The weeks you had away from campus gave you time to think about everything that was going on, and think you did. However, you came to no conclusions, instead every single thought helped you in no way at all. As winter break came and left, you found yourself back on campus, falling back into the routine you had with Jay from the semester before.

Being the same major, having the same classes, and the same professors meant that the two of you were often together. It was routine for you two at that point, Jay picking you up from your apartment, walking to campus with you, walking you to class, and then at the end of the day walking you back to your apartment. It was hard to pretend like everything was alright, especially like the whole relationship was nothing more than your contract. 

It was almost the end of January when the two of you went out to your first part, from being back on campus after winter break. Of course it was a frat party, once again Heeseung and Jake talked Jay into coming to the party, and he only agreed if you were to come with him. Parties were still not your thing, specifically frat parties. The faint smell of body odor, the faint stickiness of all the surfaces, and the loud booming edm music playing through the speakers; it was just not what you enjoy, but you were here for Jay, not yourself.

Sitting in his lap, after he said some shit about saving a seat for the others, felt odd. You would rather be sitting alone, maybe five feet away from him, or even just in a total other room, that way you would not be feeling these butterflies in your stomach at how his hands held you around your stomach. “I need some air.” You said to Jay, before prying his hands from you, and standing up, quickly going out the door. The stuffiness of the room was too much, the feeling of him holding you was too much, and the thoughts in your mind were too much. Leaning against the porch fencing, you found yourself sitting on the ground, trying to calm yourself, knowing you would have to go back into the party at some point or people would ask questions. 

However, you were unable to relax too much, since after only three minutes, Jay was slipping out of the door to rejoin you. “Hey, are you okay?” He asked, sitting on the porch, right besides you. “If you don’t want to be here, we can leave.” He offered. “You also don’t have to come with me to the parties, if you don’t want to.” He added. Jay would never admit it, however he did not want you to be uncomfortable, and he felt bad for having you come with him, since you were obviously not enjoying yourself here. He was not one for these large parties either, but someone had to keep Jake and Heeseung from themselves, and until their other Sunghoon made it here, it was Jay that had that task.

Shaking your head, you leaned against the fence, just closing your eyes. “No, it’s fine. You can go back in, don’t worry about me.” You were quick to tell him, but had you been looking, you would have seen the look on his face that told you he would not stop worrying, and he would honestly probably worry more.

“Hey, let’s go.” Jay said, standing up, offering you his hand, deciding if you were not going to tell him what was going on, then he would take you elsewhere. “Heeseung and Jake will be fine until Sunghoon gets here, it’ll only be like ten minutes, what’s the worst they can do in that time, shave their heads? They wouldn’t, they couldn’t pull off being bald.” 

Looking up at Jay, you found yourself laughing, before finally giving him your hand, letting him help you up. Jay was fast to lead you through the house, out of the house, and then down towards the close convenience store. “Thank you.” You muttered, unknown to you whether you heard him or not. 

“It’s okay, but you need to tell me if you don’t want to be places. I’d rather leave than make you stay somewhere you don’t want to be.” Jay told you, leading you over to the outdoor table, outside the convenience store. “Stay right here, I’ll be right back.” he said, pushing you into one of the seats.

Sitting down, you watched as Jay went into the store. Not even ten minutes later, he exited, bag and two bowls in hand. Jay had set one down in front of you, looking at it, you noticed it was your favorite ramen. That bowl was soon followed by a bottle of your favorite drink, and then a bag of your favorite snacks. “Thank you.” You said to Jay, watching as he already started to eat his ramen, he encouraged you to do the same.

“Honestly, I don’t really like frat parties either.” Jay started, as he watched you start eating. “Honestly, if it wasn’t for  Heeseung and Jake needing someone to keep them from doing stupid things, I wouldn’t go either. I probably haven’t told you about why they need to be babysat when they drink, have I?” Jay continued, as he ate his own food. “So once, they were both completely shitfaced, like drunk off their asses, and they got this great idea, well great to them. They decided to go get matching tattoos. They found some shady little place that was still open, and got matching tattoos. They somehow thought it was a great idea to get brothers tattooed on each other, but they misspelled what they wanted, so instead of saying brothers, it says bothers.” As he told you, Jay found himself happy, watching as you started laughing at his story, it was one of the first times in a while he had seen you genuinely happy. He was unsure what was going on, but he did not like it, despite the fact he would have not admitted it to you. 

Listening to him, you found yourself laughing. Oddly enough, the tattoos saying bothers instead of brothers made sense as well, since Heeseung and Jake were both a bother to many people. “I can’t believe that’s why they need a babysitter.” You muttered, looking down as you noticed that you had finished your ramen, the snack and drink being soon to follow. 

It was not long before both of you had finished everything, and Jay started to help you clean up, throwing all the trash away. “I guess I’ll get headed home.” You said, as Jay spoke.

“Wait right here for a moment.” Jay said, standing, and heading back into the store.

Watching as he walked away, you decided maybe the night did not need to come to an end so soon, and instead waited for him. Soon he returned, bag in hand, and soon your hand was in his other hand. He started to lead you towards your apartment, but you somehow knew that you were not going there.

Jay led you through the streets, going towards the park that was near your apartment. “I want to show you something.” He said, taking you through the streets, towards the grassy knolls of the park. It only took about ten minutes of walking more, before he found where he was taking you. 

Soon, you were in an open field, the close street lights were blocked by tree cover, and the only light illuminating the area was the cloudless sky. As you were staring up at the stars, seeing how clear and beautiful the sky was, Jay was busy opening the bag, spreading the blanket he had bought out on the ground, sitting down, before grabbing your hand, to get you to do the same. “This is what you bought.” You muttered, before sitting down next to him. Soon, your back was on the blanket, staring up at the stars, as Jay did the same.

As you started to stare up at the sky once more, Jay started pointing out the constellations, with you starting to point out the ones that you remembered. Had you turned to see Jay’s face at that moment, you would have seen him staring at you, instead of the sky, enamored with the fact that you remembered them from all those weeks ago when he told you about them for the first time. As you explained what you recalled from all those nights ago, Jay found himself fading into sleep. Noticing how quiet he was, you sat up, being sure not to wake him. “All those weeks ago you asked if I thought we would fall in love. I don’t know about you, but I know I have.” You whispered, finally having the confidence to admit it, after the wonderful night you had with him, yet you knew you were screwed, since he would never love you back. 

You allowed him to rest for a few minutes more, observing his features. Maybe you were attempting to memorize his face just in case things went back, really for when things went bad. He would be your one that got away, but did he really get away if he never loved you back. After about ten minutes, you started to shake his shoulder, waking him. As he woke, soon the two of you were headed back towards your apartments, all while you decided you needed to do something, to let him know you really feel, so he can reject you, and you can move on from these feelings.

"I hate this so much. So much. How'd you talk me into this again?" Jay’s voice said, looking around at the pink, white, and red decorations with disgust. He was never one for any of the school events they held, off campus events, and even the frat parties to this. 

A laugh left your lips as you dragged him alongside you. He did not want to be here, but alas here he was, by your side, despite his dislike of these events. “Come on, lighten up. We had to come, Beomgyu invited us to join him and his girlfriend of the moment.” You started to tell him, laughing as he groaned, knowing he would have to deal with Beomgyu outside of class today. “Also it’s a holiday for lovers, Beomgyu would have questions if we didn’t show up.” You reminded him, keeping up appearances, to the others, you had been dating for almost six months, it would have been odd if you did not come to this event. While you had other motives for inviting him, you let him believe that it was just because of Beomgyu’s invitation. 

Meeting up with Beomgyu and his girlfriend of the month, was quick, the two of you quickly going off on your own, leaving him and his girlfriend on their own. Jay may have hated college hosted events, but he honestly did not hate it as much, when he was accompanying you. Sitting at a table, you watched as Jay enjoyed some of the provided foods, while he might hate these events, the food was not that bad, and your company made it almost worth coming. 

The night drew on, the two of you dancing and enjoying your time together. It was not long before you had dragged him out of the party, into the impeccably decorated flower garden the university had prepared for the event. Walking through the maze-like garden, the two of you found yourself besides a flower wall. The pink, white, and red roses aligned for the perfect couples photograph.

Jay had to stop himself from laughing at the scene, the flower wall being nothing more than a backdrop for couples to take cute photographs, looking towards you, he easily spoke up. "If this is some plot to confess your undying love for me, you could've just said so." Jay’s voice cut through the silence, easily capturing your attention, reminding you that you were not alone. His voice held a teasing tone, like he was about to make some snarky comment about where the two of you were standing. 

It was in that moment that you decided you had enough. You had enough of your heart skipping a beat, enough of the butterflies in your stomach going crazy, enough of your feelings that you tried so hard to suppress. Deciding to put it all out there, to risk it all, either you would leave knowing he feels the same way you do, or you would leave embarrassed, knowing you were the only one to break a rule. “And what if it is?” You muttered, watching as he simply placed his hands on your waist, pulling you closer. Looking around, there were few people in the area, most were leaving the event, but it still automatically reminds you of his keeping up appearances statement from so many weeks ago. "Are you faking it-" You started to ask him, voice soft so only he could hear, expecting nothing more than for him to agree, to play the part of the sweet couple sharing a kiss in the middle of the Valentine’s Day event. 

It was unexpected when his lips met yours. Being quick to kiss him back, you were unsure how long the two of you stayed there, the scene being one out of a movie. "I can't seem to fake anything when it comes to you, love.” Jay muttered against your lips, his hand moving from the side of your waist, to behind your neck. “I can never seem to fake anything when it comes to you.” He added, before fully reconnecting his lips with yours once more.

The kiss however was broken shortly after, moving back from Jay, looking up at him. “Tell me you are telling the truth.” You softly said, looking up at him. “I don’t know if I could handle it if you tell me later that this was all for show. If saying you love me was all for show.” You muttered, just thinking about how easily that would break you, here you were opening your heart up for him, confessing how you felt, and if afterward he said it was all to make the fake dating seem better, it would break you more than you would care to verbalize, to tell him. He could destroy your heart with ease, and all you could do is hope he feels the same way as you do.

“It’s the truth,” Jay started, grabbing your hands, pulling yourself closer to him once more. “Nothing but the truth.” Was added, his lips making contact with yours once more. His hands wrapped around your waist, your hands coming up to his neck, one intertwining into his hair, tugging him closer to you, as though close was not even close enough. 

The kiss however was quickly ruined, as an annoying voice was heard from behind the two of you. “Your mom will just love this photo.” Beomgyu said, somehow having found his way to you, taking a photo, sending it to his mother to show your mother. 

Jay and yourself were quick to reply. “Shut up Beomgyu.” Was said in tandem, voices overlapping one another’s, causing laughter to come from you, as Jay shot the male that was only feet away a dirty look. Putting his attention back onto you, Jay was quick to lean back down, your lips finally meeting once more, knowing that despite your original thoughts, it was not only you who broke a rule, and maybe it was for the best in the end.

[lesbiankoby]

largely i think soulmate au’s are boring as hell (because they mostly are) and luffy defies being told what to do (though he’s also weird about things that are his) but in certain circumstances i’ll indulge (mainly if it’s funny) and so in conjunction with my koby / kobylu kick i’m positing “one of those soulmate au’s where it’s EXTREMELY RARE to begin with— in the east blue it’s considered a total myth— and the relationship is entirely up to personal interpretation it’s just an indication that you’ll change the other’s life in some intimate fashion, whether as enemies friends lovers or family” so that garp and roger can be each others soulmates but garp specifies “not in a gay way” every time he’s forced to bring it up.

they did fuck. obviously. it was in a gay way.

anyway

i like “birthmark shaped in the impression of the first time they touch you” because the first time luffy touched koby he punched him in the face and lo does koby have an ambiguous birthmark in the exact shape of luffy’s knuckles on his forehead (he has the worst luck in the universe and it doesn’t occur to him that there’s any significance to this except that it looks weird)

the first time koby touched luffy it was shaking him by his shoulders so luffy has two perfect impressions of clearly human hands on him— for various reasons he’s well aware of the significance of this, but he oscillates violently between not liking being told what to do and liking the idea that he has a special mystery friend out there somewhere. baby ace thought it looked stupid and told him this frequently but honestly that just tilted luffy towards the special mystery friend side of the spectrum harder. the real coby wasn’t very impressive until he was— luffy understood the situation years before koby did he just didn’t tell him.

[hayleyarts]

Darkness

*Author's note: This is a blurb I literally just threw up on a page. Bear with me for any spelling mistakes. And honestly, this could technically be a Spencer x Reader, however it's mainly just a blurb. Also! I was listening to Lewis Calpaldi's cover of when the party's over while writing this so I highly recommend you listen. It's VERY good*

Darkness. That’s what happens when you die. At least that’s what happened to me when I took the final burning breath; my lungs filling with water and other lake debris. Drowning isn’t how I thought I would die, considering my profession; I figured a stray bullet would take me out. But here I am, sinking slowly to the bottom of a lake in the middle of nowhere. Drowning almost seems peaceful, in a way. Once the final burn of water leaves, you drift. It’s a comfortable type of drifting. 

When my day started this morning, I didn’t think it’d end this way. The team and I were working on a case in Oak Creek Wisconsin. It was your typical case, bodies of young women were washing up on the shore of Lake Michigan. The M.O, however, wasn't drowning. All these women died from blunt-force trauma and then dumped in the lake. We figured the Unsub lived near the lake in some capacity because he was comfortable there. But we also knew that he wasn’t confident; he snuck up on these women. He either was too shy, or felt like he was too ugly to talk to them. Regardless, this case felt pretty cut and dry; especially when Garcia found his information quickly once we narrowed-down the suspect pool and we quickly went to pursue him at his remote cabin on the lake. 

We broke into two groups; Hotch, J.J, and Emily taking the front while Rossi, Morgan, Spencer and I took the back. Morgan leads the charge in the back as we clear rooms; calling out as we do so. Eventually we cleared the whole cabin, the Unsub nowhere to be found. Spencer and I decide to move out and search further into the backyard. If it were different circumstances, I’d say the view of the lake was beautiful. Aside from the garbage littering the grass and the various tools laying haphazard throughout the yard; it looked normal. We knew it was anything but. 

I didn’t get a lot of time to enjoy the view, as the Unsub bursts through the doors of the decrypted shed and runs towards the lake. Spencer draws his gun, shouting at the man to stop but I don’t hear him as I run past. I wasn’t going to let this coward run away. I tackle him into the lake, trying to detain him and pull him to shore. He was a lot stronger than I anticipated and we struggled; him throwing punches and curse words my way before dunking my head under the water. 

I emerge from the murky abyss a few times, but the Unsub doesn’t give me enough time to catch my breath before holding my head down again. It was when my lungs were burning that I heard the muffled bang of a gunshot, but I was already drifting into the darkness. I didn’t feel the Unsub’s lifeless body fall into the lake beside me, nor did I feel the arms of my colleague pulling me out. 

I embraced the darkness, it felt warm and comforting considering all the hell I’ve seen and experienced on this job. It was the exact opposite of what I thought death would feel like. I’ve heard Spencer describe death as a light; him retelling his traumatic encounter with Tobias Hankel. But this was mere darkness; like hiding under your blankets at night. 

I knew it wasn’t my time though. I still had so much left to do in the world; so many more people to save. So when I started to feel pressure on my chest, I knew it was Spencer performing CPR. What I didn’t know was that he was crying the entire time; begging me to come back. 

I cough violently, the water leaving my lungs and being replaced by air and I open my eyes, suddenly feeling so very cold. 

“Spencer?” My voice didn’t sound like mine, it sounded far away. 

“Thank god.” Spencer pulls me into his arms, warming me up completely from the chill of the abyss.

[unknownarmageddon]

Tell me about Heaven and Hell, boy

OKAY. so. prefacing this by saying not intended to be accurate to anything other than my own brain. so

anwayg what i’m thinking is

*to me* everyone has their own personal hell within hell itself, depending on what they did to get there and just who they were. and there’s like various levels, depending on what the thing they did is. and their hell could be something mundane, like standing in a line that they’ll never get to the end of. or living out their worst nightmares or memories over and over. etc.

and i think the actually like, places and circumstances happening in each persons hell arent literal. it’s like, a mind state theyre put in, while in reality everyone is wandering around these large barren, charred fields of fire in a mindless dreamlike state. and the majority of demons are essentially, primarily like the “moderators”. they make sure everyone gets to where they’re supposed to be, stays where they’re supposed to be, that nothing’s going awry, and documents who’s where. and then there’s other jobs, and jobs within that. some are specifically stationed as “deal makers” to strike deals with mortals for their souls, some are only stationed within the fields themselves, some are stationed at the entrance to direct souls to the right places, etc. and that’s the gist i think. mostly, i like to think demons are primarily people who were once mortals that arrived at hell who either struck or were offered certain deals with higher ups or lived out their “sentences” (which usually takes decades to centuries). killer was the former, and i think he does kinda like a bit of all of the above. and there aren’t any specific demons with the set job of fighting the angels, so he just ended up in that position by chance. also demons start off with the appearance of how they looked as mortals, just with. new. traits, but can also possess mortals. if they get hurt enough while on earth their form breaks and theyre forced to possess another vessel.

ANS THEN for heaven, i can’t decide as well. i think it’s like a large connected “sanctuary” type deal, heavily mirroring earth, where all the souls within it can directly interact and mingle with each other. and in it they can have anything they’d need, go anywhere they’d want at any point they’d want. it doesn’t necessarily feel like a, physical, coherent situation like how it is when they were alive. more like a perpetual dream that’s a bit hazy and a bit too bright around the edges. and they never see the angels after the one that greets them, either. and i think that whatever a person believed heaven, or the afterlife, would be while they were alive actively warps and shapes how they perceive it once they’re there.

and then, like the demons, the angels have set positions. some only stay in heaven to make sure no one makes it outside the sanctuary, and that movement of souls into it is stable. and then there’s angels specifically tasked with watching over earth and mortals itself. and then also there’s soldiers whose only task is keeping the demons numbers at bay. then there’s overseers who advise those angels (archangels maybe(?))

also, i think angels can take any physical form they want. could be so they can inconspicuously visit earth, or survey whatever’s happening in the sanctuary without sticking out. if they meet and interact with someone who knows they’re an angel (typically discouraged) they may mirror that person’s species (monster or human) while keeping a few of their angelic traits. this is what cross did with killer i think, and what other angels do when mortal souls first arrive in heaven

they also have “true” forms that have no set physical appearance, cannot be perceived, comprehended, heard, or properly seen by mortals (demons can, but its adjacent to a vampire being exposed to the sun). if you tried to talk to an angel in that state your ears would bleed and you’d go deaf, and if you tried to look at it you would become blind. it would be like looking directly at the sun if the sun was ten feet in front of you

with fallen angels, they’re typically stuck to one form, and returning to their true form takes a large amount of energy and is unstable. like if the sun you were looking at became a supernova

anywayg NO idea if any of that is coherent i am so so tired im just saying shit. but yea that’s the idea thumbs up emoji

[iamnmbr3]

Hi, I’m in love with your Drarry posts. Everyday I learn something new just by reading your posts! I wanted to ask you three questions concerning Draco:

1) In various fics, Snape is said to be Draco’s godfather. Is this ever canonically proven and if not, what is evidence that you think could have proven this?

2) I’ve also seen a lot of fics that deal with Draco’s trial after the war ends. Do you think that he canonically had to have a trial in order to avoid Azkaban? If so, do you think Harry testified for him and his family since Draco did not identify him at the Manor?

3) Do you think that Draco faced difficulties after the war ended (ex: like fics that focus on a down and out Draco)? How do you think the Wizarding World treated the Malfoys following the end of the war?

Thank you!!!! The fact that you enjoy my posts is so delightful.

1) No that’s not something from canon. It just comes from Snape being friendly with Draco and being on good terms with Lucius and Narcissa.

2) I mean canonically no - in the sense that “canon” is the things on the page and there’s no trial scene. Now that said I certainly think Draco having a trial is very strongly supported by canon. He has the Dark Mark, his family are well known supporters of Voldemort, Voldemort lived in his house (yeah obviously Draco didn’t enjoy that but from an outside POV it sure doesn’t look good), he put Rosmerta under the Imperius curse, and was involved in letting Death Eaters into Hogwarts to assassinate Dumbledore. Given all this I think he would certainly be included in the round up and subsequent trials of Voldemort’s followers.

Harry testifying for Draco is canon in my heart and nothing will take this away from me. And we know he avoided Azkaban from JKR and given the charges against him that was no small feat so he’d need some pretty powerful testimony on his behalf to save him and Harry is the only witness left for a lot of the extenuating circumstances and mitigating factors (like Draco lowering his wand on the Astronomy Tower, saving Harry at the Manor, being forced by Voldemort to torture Rowle and clearly hating it etc). So really Harry testifying for him is the only logical conclusion. JKR didn’t mean to make it canon but she kinda did lol.

3) Yes. Especially since his family is well known and Lucius pulled the whole pretending to regret his actions after the first wizarding war thing. I think a lot of people would view him with dislike and suspicion.

[picathartidae]

Ask game! Wouldst thou be so kind as to answer numbers 7, 9, 18, 19, 20? <3

Can do! If you’re okay getting Durge answers to Tav questions, since my custom/Tav characters are all from a homebrew D&D setting and not fleshed out enough within the Forgotten Realms to give proper answers for.

Though fair warning; some of these answers may be long and likely massively spoilery, for both the game and the garbage fanfiction I’m writing about it.

7. What circumstances led to your Tav becoming their class/subclass?

Alassane, through various exceedingly unfortunate circumstances, ended up alone on the streets of Baldur’s Gate for multiple years when he was 15 or so. What is an urchin in a high fantasy setting to do but to learn the ways of the con-artist, get very good at larceny, and generally fall into the lovable scoundrel and rogue archetype?

Basically, he’s a self-taught rogue who had to learn the hard way to survive on his own. He became a rogue through sheer pragmatism. He turned to being an assassin specifically around the age of 17/18, when his biological family came back into his life.

9. What was your Tav doing when they were taken by the mind flayers?

He was catatonic, as he had been for maybe nine months at that point, and imprisoned in the mind flayer colony deep beneath Moonrise Towers. Then his pod was shoved onto a nautiloid, and the rest is history.

18. What is your Tav's greatest fear?

Short answer; Alassane’s greatest fear is probably his father.

Long meandering answer; Bhaal is arguably the only thing that legitimately scares Alassane, because of the power Bhaal clearly has over him. He’s frightened of himself too, but this is mainly because of the gnawing feeling he has that there is ultimately no difference between him and his father.

Alassane leans very hard into a specific character and personality he has constructed for himself, because he cannot stand the idea of who he really is, and is terrified of the rejection and isolation that will surely come if anyone ever witnesses the truth. More specifically, he’s terrified of the idea that he is nothing more than a fragment of Bhaal, that his soul is not his own but a piece of Bhaal’s unholy essence, and that “Alassane” as a person doesn’t really exist, and maybe never has.

The fact that he was simply abandoned immediately after being “born” deeply traumatised Alassane and left him with this deep seated desire to prove himself worthy, because he believes that after everything he’s done, his father is the only one who will ever potentially accept him as he is. That gives Bhaal an unimaginable amount of power over Alassane, on top of the murder urges that can also wrest Alassane’s autonomy away from him.

Alassane is so sure that no one will ever accept/love/forgive him for the things he’s done that he sincerely believes Bhaal is his only option. Which is, of course, all insanely abusive and shit, because Bhaal is what made him that monster, but Alassane doesn’t really come to understand that until he’s forcibly removed from the situation.

19. What is your Tav's greatest desire?

To be his own person, dictate his own existence, and generally gain some sense of autonomy over who he is and his life. He isn’t really aware of this for most of his life, but ultimately when you get down to it, he wants his choices to be his own, and he wants them to matter.

20. What is your Tav's greatest regret?

Okay, this one is the most spoiler-heavy answer of the lot, so be careful.

Alassane’s greatest regret is the deaths of his foster family. It’s kind of the entire driving force behind his journey as a character, and the one thing he was never able to let go of. It’s the reason why he’s so deeply emotionally attached to his name, and why he’s violently opposed to ever going by the moniker of “the Dark Urge”.

His foster family loved him deeply, giving him a traditional family name as a way of making it clear that they considered him to be their real son, and that he would always belong with them, even after they had a biological daughter of their own. The name “Alassane Erendse” became his last connection to the life he wishes he still had, back when he did actually have that unconditional love he obviously craves. So of course, Bhaal took it all away, by having Alassane himself be the one to kill them.

The ordeal broke Alassane so thoroughly it made him numb to all the monstrous things that followed. It haunts him even after losing his memories, to the point that his “dream visitor” is a grown up version of his baby foster sister.

[whentranslatorscry]

Ikusamonogatari

Full EPUB

Hitagi Honeymoon, by nisioisin

001

There was something odd about the name Araragi Hitagi. No matter how I try, it just doesn’t sit right with me. If I were to trace our acquaintance back to our freshman year at Naoetsu Private High School, where we became classmates, I would find that I have known her for almost a decade. Yet every time I see this name, it feels as unfamiliar as if we had only just met. If you ask me to pinpoint whose responsibility this unshakable strangeness was, I can say with absolute confidence that it was none other than mine, still it felt as though trying to force together two jigsaw pieces that don't fit.

Look at the joints; they're practically crumbling.

It was at the hallowed grounds of North Shirahebi Shrine, in the presence of its very god herself, that we swore an irreplaceable oath to bring each other happiness. But once married, there was a hideous sensation, akin to smudging the most precious aspect of a person I hold most dear in my life, the one and only Senjougahara Hitagi, with cheap paints. It was an indescribably disgusting, unsettling feeling.

The wedding gown and white kimono were meant to symbolize something pure, “a canvas ready to be dyed in the colors of our choosing.” This oft-repeated phrase, while understood, felt old-fashioned, archaic to say the least. Moreover, for reasons unbeknownst to me, I had stripped her of her most precious and fundamental possession: her name. The mere thought of this fact felt like a sharp stab, an eternal reminder to accompany me for the rest of my life. Truthfully, the confidence to create a blissful and harmonious home had eluded me.

How unfair, how unjust.

How utterly tragic.

Under such circumstances, it was simply impossible for me to say that I had no sense of guilt.

“It's not bad at all, Koyomi. I think it sounds even better. Araragi Hitagi, see, it rhymes and rolls off the tongue with such ease it's like it's been my name this whole time.”

Although she claimed not to mind, I couldn't help but be painfully aware of the burden imposed on her that should've been equally shared: we were no longer on equal footing, and the intense sense of immorality did not fade as time went on. If anything, my guilt only intensified.

What I mean by “burden” encompasses the need to reapply for a driver's license, passport, and license plate number, among various other things. The name she had carried for a quarter of a century was forcibly and legally stripped away—wasn’t that an unbelievable, unforgivable act of barbarism?

Just like the domestic violence that suddenly emerges after marriage.¹

The life of Araragi Koyomi had always been one of ceaseless battles against all kinds of unreasonable circumstances. So, even now, he should continue to fight for the sake of his family name. But this time, his opponent was not a monster, nor was it a mystery or tale of supernatural transformation, regrettably—it was the country of Japan itself.

Well, it could be argued that there wasn’t much difference between the country of Japan and its world of supernatural creatures, but I can't simply let that claim go unchallenged. As an experienced public servant, someone who had truly sworn loyalty to both the nation of Japan and its people, it was hard to advocate for the immediate abolition of the antiquated custom of married couples sharing the same surname. After being transferred to the FBI for advanced training and subsequently being headhunted for employment, and after buying my own home there, I found myself questioning my own patriotism.

Naturally, if we were to go by logic alone, rather than Hitagi legally becoming Araragi Hitagi, I would have become Senjougahara Koyomi. In fact, I had secretly been working on this plan behind the scenes. At first, everything was going smoothly, but the surreptitiously obtained written documentation was soon discovered by her. Hitagi, that is.

Well done, I must say.

“From the very moment we met, I felt a sense of harmony with Araragi-kun—like we were meant to be together. Also, I don’t want my father's surname to be combined with ‘Koyomi.’”

Okay.

Setting aside the latter part, even she shared the same sentiment as me in the beginning. No matter how fiercely we fought, it seemed as though we were ultimately conquered by convention.

Although marriage itself is inherently a form of constraint, and whose surname is used is of little consequence, in the end, tradition dictates that the wife takes the husband's last name. This custom has been ingrained in society for ages. Indeed, it may make sense from a logical standpoint, but ultimately, it is not logic that we must bow to in this matter.

As I recall, the family of Hachikuji— the god worshiped within the grounds of North Shirahebi Shrine, where I pledged myself in marriage—all bore the mother's surname, Tsunade. But alas, as the twin-tailed lost god once confessed to me:

“In the end, things didn’t work out well for my family, you see. We’re no longer a family. During my third year in elementary school, my parents divorced and I had to change my name. I wonder what the point of it all was.”

That’s all.

When I first heard her speak of that, I was young and naive, so I played it cool and responded with a smooth and seamless reply. Now that I’ve become a party to the incident myself, I can’t help but ruminate on the workings and procedures of the law.

Even when putting aside the fact that I work in law enforcement, it’s not something that a civil servant should say, but indeed, one might call it quite bureaucratic. I have inherited this occupation of police officer from my parents (albeit reluctantly). I even believe that I don’t need to inherit the family name.

If it were high school Hitagi, especially during her most intense and edgy days, she would have unquestionably shoved a stapler deep into my mouth just to make me Senjougahara Koyomi.

She should have been resolute in not relinquishing her father's name— I guess you could say that she has grown softer over time. Well, whether she’s grown soft or not, I guess she’s grown up, too.

Back in my youth— or rather, in high school, I would have said to myself, “Won’t get married then. We won’t be bound by a little piece of paper. To preserve our names, our identities, we'll live together with two surnames under one roof. Hell, even with Oikura if I have to.”

Though in the end, as usual, it would most likely have led to a not-so-happy but rather bad ending. But inside the mind of twenty-four-year-old Araragi Koyomi, countless unbearable adult rationalizations came rushing in like a storm, saying, “Well, but things don't usually work out that way, do they? When you are a member of society, you must take reputation and position into account, and in the long run, Hitagi might also find it hard to live such a stubborn life. Besides, it's self-evident that various procedures would become troublesome if we don't enter the marriage registry, so, on the contrary, if it's just a matter of a single piece of paper, it would be best not to fuss about it and get it over with.”

But wait, what’s this? Has Araragi-kun suddenly become so enlightened that he begins to admonish all those ordinary families who have married uncomplainingly and blandly, keeping their own surnames? The times have changed. Nowadays, you can even go by your maiden name at work. Don't be so annoying and nitpicky about it. People like that aren’t popular, you know?

In all honesty, the idea of living with Oikura is tolerable, but the notion of taking Hitagi as a common-law wife is rather unsavory. As a career officer of the Japanese police force and an unofficial member of the FBI, it wouldn’t be surprising if I suddenly died in the line of duty, at least to the same extent as that hellish Spring Break. With the chances of an unforeseen accident being about fifty-fifty, I would rather avoid a situation where Hitagi might be kept from witnessing my final moments due to a bureaucratic technicality like a discrepancy in our last names. I'm sure everyone is well aware of how prone I am to life-threatening situations. No insurance company would ever enroll me in a life insurance policy.

On the other hand, the reverse was also a possibility.

Hitagi worked in the Japanese branch of a foreign financial firm, and you might think her life wouldn't be in any real danger. But she once confided that because she deals with massive amounts of money within the company daily, when she’s seriously out and about, she needs the accompaniment of bodyguards who cling to her like stalkers. I’m not sure if she was pulling my leg, but every time she leaves her home, she carries the latest version of her will with her.

“How strange, I was once swindled out of all my possessions, and now my job is akin to that of a swindler, treating strangers' money as my own and making it multiply incessantly—through stocks, foreign exchange, and cryptocurrencies that I'm not even sure really exist. It's all an enigmatic, ethereal mystery.”

Though her words carried a hint of self-mockery, it was because she had been both a pampered heiress in a mansion and a penniless tenant in a wooden box that she had managed to acquire certain skills. Good or bad, she believed that money was but an illusory thing.

Of course, that's not to say that she could approve of the person she was when she lost her weight and her mother… no, that too was a cherished memory and a cherished trauma.

It could never be forgotten.

Right.

These were the life experiences of Senjougahara Hitagi. Could they really be covered up with just my surname? As if erasing her individuality.

“I think the name change is fun, like a game. But why do you care so much, Koyomi? Is it because you're thinking of another person?”

“Another person?”

It's hard to ignore the seemingly lighthearted remark that it's like a fun game, it feels all the more like an attempt to escape reality. But for now, let’s let it slide. So, who could this other person be?

“Shinobu. Although I’m not sure if I can call her a human person. Come to think of it, Koyokoyo, wasn't it during that Spring Break that you cruelly stole her name?”

Koyokoyo.

The endearing nickname I miss so much…

I also used to call her by the nickname “Gahara-san,” but after she changed her surname, I could no longer address her in this way. It’s embarrassing for adults like us to use such nicknames, but hearing that I could never use it again made me feel as if I had been deprived of a basic human right, leaving me in a state of distress.

It was true, no matter how you put it: the King of Aberrations, the iron-blooded, hot-blooded, cold-blooded Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade— the name of the vampire who has lived for six hundred years.

But it was taken from her, just like life itself.

After losing her prestigious title, the oddity specialist Oshino Meme gave her a new name— Oshino Shinobu.

The man in a Hawaiian shirt said, employing his specialist's surname as a constraint, he would seal her away, deeply and securely.

Which, to be honest, was contradictory and riddled with double standards. Yet, for me, calling her Oshino Shinobu resonated truer and felt more befitting for her as I have known her by that name for longer.

Of course, nobody refers to her as Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade nowadays, but there seems to be a faction of specialists who still call her the “Old Heart-Under-Blade.”

Old Heart-Under-Blade.

What an antiquated name.

“When you think about it, it's a strange and wonderful thing to have the word 'old' added to your name. Don’t you think so, Old Gahara-san?”

“Indeed, if you are going to keep calling me that, I don't want to continue this conversation.”

“I have already experienced the guilt of taking away someone's name… What's going on with this marriage, it's like I'm making the same mistakes over again.”

“It's almost like a de facto remarriage.”

“No, it's a first marriage, actually.”

Although this example exposed the depths of my subconscious, it didn’t entirely resolve the issue which had already taken deep root. It seemed that because I had done it once before, I no longer cared about doing it again now, as if to say that killing one person was the same as killing two. This frightening thought was something that neither Japan nor America would endorse.

Rather, should we not learn from our mistakes?

That had been an emergency measure taken out of necessity for Shinobu, so it couldn’t be said that it was entirely wrong… In this day and age, I can't help but think there might have been another way to do it. It's hard not to question whether my decision to barely keep alive by turning the vampire— the King of Aberrations— that otherwise faced certain death, into my slave, was an immature one, driven by a child's desire for simplicity.

Even as the former Heart-Under-Blade happily gobbles on Mister Donuts in my shadow… And since it's acceptable to use your original family name in the workplace, why then must we discriminate and not apply the same rule to other situations?

With this in mind, I might as well create a business card featuring my Senjougahara pseudonym while at work. I wonder if it's possible to mark your former name on the police officer's guidebook. I'd have to ask Chief Kouga about that next time.

“A seemingly insignificant battle, huh? Ah, yes, an infinitesimally small skirmish indeed.”

“Sounds like you're saying ‘overmorrow's tomorrow.’”

“Even if you were to take the name Senjougahara, it wouldn't make any difference. It won't even make you feel better. It's like we share the same hardships, but it's not the same at all, it's not. The constant labeling of hardships might be painful as well.”

“Do we have no choice but to fight against the state?”

“That’d be quite the unexpected turn of events. Just imagine your high school supporters, they would be flabbergasted as they watch Araragi Koyomi take on the world of politics in a sequel.”

“But I can't overlook those die-hard fans' support. So, should I run for office under the name Senjougahara Koyomi?”

“In that case, to ease the voter process, it might be best to simplify the complex kanji in 'Senjougahara,’ say, using hiragana instead.”

“Must I change my name even if I run for office? Just because it's hard to write. What a troublesome thing, follows me everywhere. But revolutionaries didn't use their real names either.”

“Are we talking about starting a revolution now, like Hanekawa-san?”

“I can't use my real name to run a campaign and cause trouble for my parents. I'm not that unfilial.”

“I wonder about that. It may not be limited to revolutionaries. Nowadays, it seems that a pseudonym one can choose themselves is more valued.”

The conversation had delved into the complicated topic of real names versus pseudonyms… In such an era when anonymity is held in high regard, aren't real names becoming more important than ever? Apparently, in the past, one could not reveal their real name to anyone other than their parents.

“I'm not sure if I can let such a thing be erased on a whim.”

“Was marrying me also on a whim, Koyomi?”

“I retract my previous statement and apologize under the name of Senjougahara Koyomi.”

“You are apologizing under a pseudonym.”

“I apologize under the name of Sen jou ga ha ra Koyomi.”

“Please stop apologizing like a politician. I don't want such a person to be the future chief of the National Police Agency.”

“Your demands are too high for a husband.”

“Philosophy and thought do warrant contemplation, but let's think more about the pressing needs of life, Koyomi. Weren't we supposed to be excitedly discussing our honeymoon destination?”

Right, we were.

Having completed the wedding ceremony, with a god as our witness, and the tedious paperwork, we had finally settled down and arranged a meeting, albeit belatedly, to discuss our long-awaited honeymoon plans.

Although the novel coronavirus could be said to have been eradicated from the earth, given that I currently have a foothold in the FBI and Hitagi is a young leader at the Japanese branch of a foreign firm, we were communicating remotely more often than not. Nevertheless, we both understand the importance of a meaningful face-to-face conversation. After all, it would be impolite not to attend to such a significant matter in person.

Our wedding had narrowly avoided taking place entirely remotely, but fortunately, it was held with only family members present, regardless of any infectious disease-related concerns. It was charming and intimate.

“The only thing I regret is not getting to drag empty cans behind the car; I wanted to try it.”²

“Back in the old days, you would've tied me to the car and dragged me around the city as a public execution. But a honeymoon, huh?”

To begin with, neither Hitagi nor I were particularly fond of traveling; in fact, we both frequently shuttled across the Pacific Ocean. So, the word “travel” doesn't strike a deep chord in me. It's merely a transfer through different places, and it's difficult to attribute more significance to it.

I'd much prefer leisurely chats at home like this—without having to specifically go somewhere.

“I agree. Why not take a short trip then? How about the supermarket?”

“That’s too close.”

“But it sounds so super.”

“Well, you have a point. Supermarket is a pretty bold name.”

“But then, if the honeymoon has no significance, we’d better have not had a wedding at all, since it wouldn't be significant anyway.”

This statement sounds like something the old Hitagi would say—not Araragi Hitagi, but Senjougahara Hitagi.

In fact, many people these days consider weddings to be a grand waste of money, and couples often quarrel during their honeymoon, that’s why “Narita Divorce” gets thrown around as a phrase.³

Nowadays, you might also hear “Haneda Divorce” or “Kanku Divorce.”⁴

“Traveling has a way of revealing a couple's true nature, for better or worse. That's why I think it's a necessary ceremony.”

“A ceremony, huh?”

Surprisingly, Oshino was a man who valued such customs.

We can't take this lightly, then… considering our relationship.

“Speaking of which, that plan to go to Hokkaido to eat crab still hasn't come to fruition.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to go?”

“It’s tempting to tie up loose ends like a completed achievement, but it might not be the best season for that. I'd rather enjoy the best crab in wintertime anyway, that's what I really want.”

It's a tough one. Hokkaido, seemingly near but further than Washington D.C., has gradually taken on the nuance of being saved for our enjoyment during our twilight years. However, since we have refrained from indulging up until this point, it is only natural to savor the finest crab in the ideal setting of Hokkaido.

Yet as we speak, the warming of Hokkaido progresses at a steady pace. By the time we reached our retirement years, would it still be a snowy landscape?

“If we were to travel overseas, I think we should consider Europe or Africa. Including South America, both of us travel to the Americans for work often. Or what do you think about crossing the Atlantic Ocean?”

“There is also Oceania. Why not eat crab in Australia? I think you can't climb Ayers Rock anymore… Maybe New Zealand?”

“Apparently the stars there are beautiful. It's famed as a World Heritage of starry skies, they're even working to register it as an actual World Heritage site or something.”

A bit vague, but hmm.

Come to think of it, ever since high school—no, even before that during her sheltered upbringing, Hitagi has had a profound love for the starry skies. An unapologetic adoration.

If I recall, our first date was also at an observatory.

“In that case, what about revisiting that observatory nearby? It's only a few hours' drive.”

“Might take a bit longer if we dragged a heap of cans behind.”

“We probably shouldn't try that on Japanese roads, you know.”

As a cop, I couldn't pardon this.

The idea of revisiting a dating spot from our youth was not a bad one, but Hitagi didn't seem too keen on it, and she exaggeratedly tilted her head—a gesture straight out of the anime.

"What's up. If there are no lodging facilities, we could rent a camper van or something. The state should…"

"There's no need to bring up the state for that. You should be able to rent a car by yourself, right? Anyway, over there, I go pretty often, usually with my dad and Kanbaru."

"Really?"

While I was training as an FBI investigator, Senjougahara and Kanbaru rekindled their relationship… It's good that she's getting along with her family, which was delicate for a time, but still.

Whether that's how she truly feels or not, at least Hitagi says it's fine with her, but what does her father—and my in-law—think about it?

To have the surname he gave his daughter smeared by some random guy's…

Whoops, gotta stop thinking about it. If I'm not careful, my thoughts get pulled in that direction. The gravity of the issue is too strong.

I'm sure the meaning is just as precious either way, but the name Senjougahara is quite rare, so I can't help but contemplate the loss…

"Rather than somewhere you always go, like the supermarket, it should be somewhere special for the ceremony. If it's too familiar, the memories don't stick as strongly. Shouldn't you make memories of going somewhere you've wanted to, like an observatory? Or New Zealand is good, but wasn't there an amazing one in Hawaii or something?"

“Hmm. Electronic telescopes on that scale exceed my realm of expertise. But in the end, it seems we come back to America. Another idea is to go all the way to the Arctic Circle to see the auroras.”

“The Arctic. Mm, I wonder if Kagenui-san is doing all right.”

She doesn't live at the North Pole year-round of course, but when I hear “Arctic” she’s the first thing I think of—her and her shikigami. With that shikigami we could go anywhere in an instant... But the days of merrily living with a corpse doll under the same roof ended quite some time ago. Fraternizing with corpses is strictly forbidden nowadays.

The auroras. Not an uninteresting prospect.

I believe they can be observed either in Canada or the Nordic countries. If given a choice between the two, I would lean towards the latter in this case.

How about Finland, often said to be the closest to Europe? Who wouldn't want to taste the cinnamon rolls straight from their birthplace? The progress of women's social advancement in the Nordic countries is also noteworthy, and I assume, with a vague image in mind, that there wouldn't be any stipulation requiring spouses to share the same surname.

“Aha!”

And then it struck me.

It struck me like a shooting star.

As I've grown older, my brain has lost its freshness, and such instant inspirations have become all too rare these days. But at this moment, I felt that I had truly been hit by inspiration.

Not merely a shooting star, it could be likened to the brilliance of the Aurora itself.

Too bad about the Finnish licorice, but there was no need to cross the ocean for one. Couldn't there be an equally fantastic location in our very own country for our honeymoon? Although we wouldn’t be able to see any auroras for sure, the destination would more than compensate for it. We could call it a return to our roots.

Nay, there's no other way to describe it other than our roots.

“Senjougahara.”

“What? Do you still intend to rebel against our nation?”

“No, no, it's my love for our country! And our honeymoon destination.”

“……”

“Let's go to Senjougahara. According to our class president who knows everything, it's one of Japan's most beautiful marshlands for stargazing.”

Next Chapter

Originally: "DV". Refers to domestic violence in Japan, where men who were previously reserved but become violent after marriage are called "DV Men".

Dragging empty cans behind a car is a couple activity, the loud clatter they produce being a symbol of auspiciousness.

Tokyo Narita Airport is the largest international airport in Japan, and a necessary stop for many newlywed couples traveling abroad. However, because some shortcomings or habits of each person are exposed during the trip, many couples choose to divorce after leaving Narita Airport when their honeymoon comes to an end.

Haneda: Tokyo Haneda Airport. Kanku: Kansai International Airport.