#he didn’t let his fear control him or influence his determination to protect Sasuke

[depressedhatakekakashi]

I don’t know how people are even making stupid jokes anout ‘oh how did Kakashi become Hokage?’ When Kakashi is the only Hokage (before Naruto) shown to actually be chosen by any of the people he would be leading

Shikaku voted for him

Naruto was excited for him

Gai supported him and was excited for him but also recognized it was not a role Kakashi particularly wanted.

Meanwhile past Hokage’s were being chosen in the battle field by their predecessor (Hiruzen) as last ditch choices because the first and second choice weren’t viable (Minato) and as a secondary choice because (once again) the first choice wasn’t viable/didn’t want the damn job (Tsunade)

Kakashi is also a strong leader and his leadership qualities are highlighted time and again throughout the series. The same people he’d be losing a battle against Tsunade, Minato, and all other past Hokage’s except Hashirama are losing to.

Kakashi was the best option and would have been originally chosen and gone to the Kage summit if Danzo hadn’t used Shisui’s MS to change the Fire Dynamo’s mind so he was chosen.

[kuriquinn]

The Last to Know [3 /5]

Blanket Fic Disclaimer

Beta Reader: None right now. Check back later.

Warning: Some language

AN: Not sure how I feel about this one. It’s my first bit of writing since taking a break, so maybe I’m just holding it to a higher stander? Anyhow, I will eventually go through it again later. I just thought I should post something for my birthday, and this was the closest thing to do.

First Chapter

Sakura is shaking after she leaves the Hokage’s office, both with anger and a little fear.

She’s nervous about her outburst, keeps running over the entire thing in her head. She has never lost control like that, not really, even when Kakashi was her instructor and did things she was critical of. Even with Naruto, they’ve had arguments, but she’s never…

She has never attacked her teacher before. And she’s never lost her temper to the point of vulgarity before.

Did I go too far? Sakura wonders, rubbing her upper arms self-consciously. Or not far enough?

Sakura has always been guided by her heart and what feels right to her; it’s only in recent years, being so close to Lady Tsunade and the running of the village that she’s had to think more with her head.

And I never was really good at that anyhow, she thinks glumly. Images come back to her of a bridge and a knife, hateful scarlet eyes and a woman with glasses bleeding out in front of her. Every time she has tried to make a decision where her head and her heart disagreed, no good has come of it.

Right now, her heart insists she did right, but her brain keeps running over all of the logical arguments against her actions. She hasn’t felt so conflicted since the war, and it’s dizzying. She needs to take a step back from it somehow, to release the growing painful pressure inside her before bursts.

Her first instinct is to go to Ino, but she knows she can’t. As yet, this is all still utterly secret; she can’t reveal anything about Itachi to Ino. She could, however, mention being kept in the dark by her other teammates. 

Except...

Except her best friend is at home with Sai right now, enjoying newly married life. Though he is also one of Sakura’s closest friends, she doesn’t want to overshadow his newfound happiness with her black mood. Especially considering his own past, he deserves as much uncomplicated joy as life has to offer him.

Sakura’s mother would be her next choice, but the thing is, Mebuki Haruno has a blind spot when it comes to Kakashi and Naruto. Considering Kakashi is the Hokage and Naruto the hero that saved them all, she’s taken on a tendency to agree with them about everything. And she knows Sakura well enough to infer that Sasuke is somehow involved...

Mebuki has never been overly fond of Sasuke after he defected from Konoha, to put things mildly.

She’d say they were right to keep it from me, Sakura thinks, clenching her fist. She can’t blame her mother, not really; a parent’s duty is to protect their child. Mebuki’s feelings on the matter would be totally justified simply because she has never been on the frontlines or fought beside Sakura. Intellectually, her parents know what Sakura is capable of, but they have never seen it first hand. And they weren’t there to see the obstacles she’s overcome to achieve the power she has now.

Not in the way Naruto and Kakashi are. Those are the people who should know better, and yet…

Lady Tsunade would set them straight, Sakura thinks angrily. She would know…

A horrible thought occurs to her.

Did Lady Tsunade know?

She’s the Fifth Hokage, and she’s a Senju. It would make sense for her to know about what happened. And what Tsunade knows, Shizune usually knows as well, at least in Sakura’s experience. If they were both privy to the information, is there any chance they might not have told Sakura?

Lady Tsunade has always shared Sakura’s mother’s opinions about Sasuke Uchiha, and she can be just as overprotective.

No. No, they would have told me, Sakura insists to herself. Based on what Sasuke said, only a handful of people ever knew the truth. Only Lord Third and Danzō Shimura and Obito Uchiha. The latter was the reason Naruto found out, along with Kakashi and Yamato. They were on the way to the Kage meeting when Obito, still masquerading as Tobi, let them in on the secret. Sakura remembers all too well that during that time, Lady Tsunade was out of commission.

Besides, she never got along with the Elders or Danzō. She’s the last person they would have told about this, even before the attack on Konoha. If she didn’t think to look into the matter, she wouldn’t know, Sakura reasons. So Shizune wouldn’t know either.

Unless, at the end of the war, there was some sort of meeting to agree on keeping Itachi’s deeds and Konoha’s involvement in the massacre from public knowledge.

In that case there’s a very small chance…

That pained feeling in her chest and throat is back, like a knife. Sakura tries hard not to feel the mounting sense of betrayal, but it’s hard. She wishes more than anything she could go to her mentor right now and ask her about it. But Tsunade is out of the village on one of her gambling binges, and Shizune spending a few days at Konoha’s orphanage trying to make sure all the inhabitants are up-to-date on their vaccines and physicals (and because she still doesn’t trust Kabuto, probably to keep an eye on him).

Both are too far away to ask.

Under normal circumstances, this would be the point where Sakura goes to talk to Naruto or Kakashi, but considering they’re both contributing factors in why she’s feeling like this, it’s not an option.

As for Sasuke…

No.

She can’t bring this up to him, not after he entrusted her with such a horrible truth. Her feelings of being kept in the dark cannot compare to what he endured, and bringing this situation up to him now feels disrespectful. As if her pain over being left out once more could ever mean anything in the face of what he lost? She’s not so arrogant as to think she matters that much in the big scheme of things.

This shouldn’t be hitting me so hard, she chides herself. After all, it is in the past, and isn’t this time of recovery all about forgiving the sins of the past and working toward a better future? She should just shrug this off as a fait accompli and move on.

But the treacherous little voice in her head keeps whispering to her.

What if they keep doing it?

In the face of that, she can’t help the overwhelming hurt. It’s as if something is broken inside her, but nothing as simple as a bodily wound that she can mend.

She usually burns that feeling off with physical activity, and she desperately wants to go out and destroy a training field or two—to feel the earth shatter and break beneath her, and watch solid rock become dust between her fingers. But that would attract attention and people wondering and she just needs…she needs to do something.

To remind herself that she isn’t useless.

That she isn’t twelve years old and  cowering while Sasuke throws his body in front of her because she is too weak and useless and inferior to defend herself. Or with snot and tears running down her face while Kakashi naively promises her that everything will be alright and Naruto vows to bring Sasuke back to them. 

I am not that girl anymore, she growls to herself.

In that moment, she decides where she needs to be right now, and makes a determined beeline for the hospital. Upon arriving at her place of work, she takes a breath and, as always, lets the outside world slip away at the door. She strides into her office, where her intern Ando glances up in surprise, and before he can ask why she’s back so soon, she interrupts him.

“What’s the next operation scheduled?”

“Uh…Isamu is doing a double foot transplant in fifteen minute—”

“I’m scrubbing in on that,” she tells him. “He can have the next one.”

“But—”

She strides out before he can complete his protest, heading for an operating room.

Sakura very rarely wields her influence to jump the queue on cases, but she needs to stay busy, and she thinks that today of all days she deserves to use her advantage a bit.

Over the course of several hours, she schedules procedure after procedure, taking the lead on the most complex and challenging cases—the ones that require her constant presence and attention. In the midst of her work, she is able to forget the uncertainty and hurt and the memory of the useless child she was. Here, she is once again head medical ninja of Konoha, a hero of the Fourth Shinobi War and a legendary Sannin in her own right. She battles with death every day and, more often than not, wins. People here look up to her, defer to her knowledge and listen to her recommendations.

Naruto, of course, finds her soon enough, being as meddling as ever. While Sakura walks across the courtyard to consult on a possible case of Chakra Virus, he appears in front of her, determined and repentant.

“Sakura, I’m sorry, I swear, we didn’t—”

“I’m working, Naruto,” she tells him flatly and keeps walking. “Please leave.”

“But you need to listen—!”

“I need you to respect my wishes,” she replies. “Since it’s clear you don’t respect anything else.”

“That’s total bullshit and you know it!” Naruto yells, frustration and worry in his voice. For once, though, her immediate reaction isn’t to try to calm him. “Just because of this one thing—”

Sakura turns around then, her hand snapping out and grabbing Naruto by the collar of his jacket.

“This is my place of work,” she hisses at him, a flare of anger bleeding through the carefully constructed façade of business she’s lost herself in for a few hours. “I am saving lives right now, and I don’t have time for your interruptions while people could be dying. Now leave on your own, or I will break every one of your bones so thoroughly that even with your healing abilities, you’ll still be stuck on bed-rest for a month.”

She experiences a minor spark of gratification at the way Naruto goes pale beneath his whiskers and vanishes in an instant, but it doesn’t make her feel any better. Like his apologies, his misery feels hollow to her and does nothing to satisfy the hurt.

When she returns to her wing of the hospital, she gives Ando and all the other staff warnings that she is not to be disturbed by friends or family while she works. It’s not the first time she’s ordered this, so they don’t argue. She has a trusted support network among her colleagues, all of whom know better than to question her at this point. Those that do and still attempt to speak to her are run off with a single forbidding look.

While cleaning up after a successful limb-reattachment, a new intern that she doesn’t know very well approaches her.

“Sakura-sensei, the Hokage requires your presence,” she tells her shyly.

Sakura says nothing and reaches for the nearest chart and begins to glance over the particulars for her next case.

“Should I tell him you’re on your way?”

“No.”

“Oh…um…so you’ll be a little late?”

“No.”

“Oh.” She pauses. “What...what should I tell him?”

“Nothing.”

The girl isn’t quite sure what to say about that, but Sakura glances up and says, “That will be all, Wakana. You have rounds.”

She barely registers the intern’s puzzled expression as she heads off to her next appointment.

For another seventy-two hours straight Sakura pushes herself from one procedure to another, elbows deep in blood and viscera one moment, or painstaking research and experiments in the skills lab. She survives on caffeine and soldier pills, focussed on the problems she can solve. She doesn’t have to think about her injured heart while healing a broken pelvis.

Of course, she knows she can’t go on like this.

Eventually she starts to feel the exhaustion of using so much brain power and chakra without a respite. Even though she has a large reserve and could conceivably go on for days, it’s irresponsible to do so outside of a combat situation. Besides, being at work is no longer distracting her the way it should. Her thoughts and worries are beginning to bleed back through, and she knows she’ll have to face them sooner or later. Kakashi will only accept her ignoring his summons so many times, and Naruto won’t be deterred by her threat much longer.

Truthfully speaking, she’s surprised she hasn’t seen him at all since their encounter days ago. She suspects Kakashi might be keeping him from bothering her, because he at least understands the need for space.

Ando eventually makes the vague, round-about suggestion that she head home to sleep and relax—he curbs his usual bluntness by not telling her she smells, though she suspects she really should shower soon—and Sakura finds herself giving in.

She’s too tired to argue, apparently.

As she leaves the hospital, she pauses, dim and sluggish and too tired to think too much. It’s why she’s pretty sure that she’s dreaming when she notices a familiar figure waiting across the street.

Sasuke leans against the building opposite the hospital, a living shadow in an otherwise bright and cheerful street. And she instantly knows he’s waiting for her, even though he has never done so before.

It should bother her that he’s watching her, looking as unruffled and untouchable as always. And she’s probably got circles under her eyes, and the remnants of makeup caked on in places or and she doesn’t remember if she brushed her hair or teeth this morning. But somehow, it doesn’t really matter to her right now, the way it once would have.

And it’s still the most natural thing in the world for her to change her course and head toward him. His presence doesn’t erase her exhaustion or her inner turmoil, but it does cause a fluttering sensation or anticipation in her stomach.

After stewing in her self-constructed isolation for a few days, she’ll take it.

つづく

As always, reviews and constructive criticism are much appreciated! Also, if you are in a supportive mood , you can find my tip jar here.

クリ

Next Chapter

[sasukeuchiha-eternalmangekyou]

~Curse Mark~

(Part 6) - (Part 7) - (Part 8)

Contents: -Return of the Morning Mist (Sasuke Vs Itachi)

Return of the Morning Mist

“The ritual is over and all is covered in a somber mist. And silence from out of the mist, a shadow emerges. And from out of the shadow, a sharpened fang. It rips the years away and awakens childhood memories of disappointment, anger, and a fateful decision. The wheel of destiny begins to turn.” – Kakashi (Episode 80: The Third Hokage Forever (coming attractions for 81)

I found this interesting. It’s indicating Sasuke’s future struggle, his childhood clashing with the present, and his bestowed choice. A crucial reunion with Itachi is coming which is what ultimately makes him pick sides. The wheel of destiny begins to turn, marking Naruto as a target of the Akatsuki, and Sasuke gripping onto the little stability he has before he comes undone by this confrontation. Naruto was always a factor, but this right here, his brother, is what causes anger and regret to push him to his limits.

“Father and Mother didn’t have to die. It didn’t have to happen. If only I had been strong enough all of them would still be alive. My clan is destroyed.” Throws kunai to break the illusion. “Damn it all.” – Sasuke (Episode 81: Return of the Morning Mist)

Here Sasuke is once again having the same type of ‘nightmare’ he originally experienced when he first acquired the curse mark. I believe that overtime these visions occur even when he’s awake. It’s a tactic the mark uses to constantly remind him of his weaknesses, his faults, and his failures to such a degree that he’s constantly fighting the reminder.

As common knowledge, Sasuke is continuing to feel intimidated by Naruto’s rapid development in strength. He faced and took down opponents that Sasuke could handle, but not fully defeat on his own. He didn’t realize his own power was still continuously increasing, but not in succession due to being a fast learner and quick to master techniques. Next to Naruto, who’s suddenly advancing quickly, he feels like his progress is at halt in comparison. He’s usually the one ahead. Understandably he expects more from himself, weighing his progress against those around him.

This most likely prompts additional liability towards outside sources, but he keeps himself in check. Sasuke might waver from time to time by reason of mental clashes of morality and his goals, yet he’s able to block the hold the curse mark would need to have in order to contaminate his mind more than it already has since the struggle is a psychological fight. Before Itachi’s interference, despite gnawing inadequacy, he can shove aside the desire to use something that harms him.

The lack of information and Sasuke’s issues pertaining to the curse mark are limited at best. There’s restriction based on pretense of usage because the enticing aspect of the influx of power is not clearly given. He’s told simply not to use it, not to fall prey to its influence without fully understanding what purpose it serves. We don’t get an opportunity to witness his struggle with it outside of battles where his dependence falters. The mental/emotional barricades he has to instill to keep himself in check would prove just as difficult. The seal may hold well, but that doesn’t mean his will is always keeping the intrusion of negativity at bay. We know he’s not exactly talented in that department.

“I’ll grant you, we didn’t bring down the village, but let us not forget our other objective. Sasuke. You’ve done it. Your leash is around his neck.” – Kabuto (Episode 81: Return of the Morning Mist)

Orochimaru retorts with a rather sour reply about his arms and losing his jutsu as the price, but the way Kabuto speaks about the matter, they appear to be confident in Sasuke’s eventual betrayal of the village. Orochimaru also mentions if he was able to have Itachi, he wouldn’t have been in the current situation. There was a price in going after Itachi, one he wasn’t willing to gamble. He’d sooner be killed by the Uchiha than escape with only a hand at the cost.

Sasuke’s eventual descend to craving power only begins to increase, become prominent, when he questioning himself instead of taking his training and strength level as what it is. His comparison to Naruto is what sets the thoughts in motion, but what truly causes him to inwardly scold his weaknesses. It’s not fully based on the potential Naruto displays or being unable to protect his friends, but it’s having the core insecurities he keeps buried deep exposed. No matter how old Sasuke was, he’s always combated the need to be strong, to prove himself. It’s instinctual, a habitual survival mechanism he needs to have in order to verify he was meant to be left alive. Otherwise, he’d question why his existence held meaning outside of being a survivor who tries daily to keep going.

After the massacre, Sasuke’s grades in the Academy were kept high, but his cooperation in teamwork and assertiveness dropped to the bottom of the class. He still tussles with thinking it’s alright to grip onto other means of living if it meant relying on others who could be taken from him again and if he could maintain the confidence in himself to face the fear of loss, either to prevent it or move on. His mind is molded perfectly for the curse mark's advantage, which is why his laboring battle against its convenience and sway is such a resilient obstacle to overcome. The amount of will it must take for him to suppress it is immeasurable when control is solely on him alone. Kakashi appeases the idea that Sauske is absolutely fine without interference, but honestly the lack of concern aids little in the effort. He has no one to talk to, express his doubts to, and even if he did, he’d refuse to open up. If his sensei offered, nothing would come of it. Sasuke is rather determined to keep everything he’s dealing with to himself, including an issue this important. Maybe if pressed enough, he’d eventually come around, but not without that added pressure.

All in all, Orochimaru, despite being a bit bitter at the time, is well aware of Sasuke’s gradual compliance to power. It’s a seductive pull for those who desire revenge, which was his main initiative earlier when speaking to Kakashi. At that point though, he’s looking for alternatives to fix/heal his arms by seeking out Tsunade, still wanting to wait for Sasuke to be older and better trained before considering the transference too early on.

I will note, however, that Sasuke didn’t even attempt to use the curse mark against his brother. Perhaps if the fight drew out longer, the inclination would have been there. But since it was concluded in a brief manner, not a single second was given to considering it. Sasuke was brutally beaten after an impulsive attack with the chidori, not bearing in mind that the technique is a jab, a direct and easily stopped jutsu with someone bearing the sharingan and perceptive skills. He acted in rage, not tactic, discernible by the skin flaking off his hand from overpowering the chidori in the first place.

Itachi showed no interest in fighting, let alone speaking to Sasuke, which clearly enraged him. This reunion was about more than just revenge (when originally him racing all that way was to ensure Naruto’s safety) it was about validation. Even if he couldn’t kill his brother, he’d in the very least know where he stood. But found out he was no match. Itachi held nothing back, relentlessly attacking the second Sasuke became defenseless, after breaking his wrist no less. Clearly we all know now that this confrontation was mentally staggering for Itachi, having to harm his little brother, but he still managed to keep his facade, unaware that his tampering caused Sasuke to reconsider and take an alternative path.

Sasuke lost consciousness after being trapped under the Tsukuyomi. This genjutsu placed him under a fake reality of reliving the massacre (something he also had to endure when he was seven to cruelly witness the slaughter of his family). After screaming, he was out of it, placed into the same state Kakashi was after undergoing a different version the same genjutsu. Only Tsunade’s medical expertise could wake him, giving Naruto more purpose in tracking her down with Jiraiya after Guy got Sasuke back to Konoha so he could rest in the hospital until their return.