#he didn’t let his fear control him or influence his determination to protect Sasuke

[depressedhatakekakashi]

I don’t know how people are even making stupid jokes anout ‘oh how did Kakashi become Hokage?’ When Kakashi is the only Hokage (before Naruto) shown to actually be chosen by any of the people he would be leading

Shikaku voted for him

Naruto was excited for him

Gai supported him and was excited for him but also recognized it was not a role Kakashi particularly wanted.

Meanwhile past Hokage’s were being chosen in the battle field by their predecessor (Hiruzen) as last ditch choices because the first and second choice weren’t viable (Minato) and as a secondary choice because (once again) the first choice wasn’t viable/didn’t want the damn job (Tsunade)

Kakashi is also a strong leader and his leadership qualities are highlighted time and again throughout the series. The same people he’d be losing a battle against Tsunade, Minato, and all other past Hokage’s except Hashirama are losing to.

Kakashi was the best option and would have been originally chosen and gone to the Kage summit if Danzo hadn’t used Shisui’s MS to change the Fire Dynamo’s mind so he was chosen.

[kuriquinn]

The Last to Know [3 /5]

Blanket Fic Disclaimer

Beta Reader: None right now. Check back later.

Warning: Some language

AN: Not sure how I feel about this one. It’s my first bit of writing since taking a break, so maybe I’m just holding it to a higher stander? Anyhow, I will eventually go through it again later. I just thought I should post something for my birthday, and this was the closest thing to do.

First Chapter

Sakura is shaking after she leaves the Hokage’s office, both with anger and a little fear.

She’s nervous about her outburst, keeps running over the entire thing in her head. She has never lost control like that, not really, even when Kakashi was her instructor and did things she was critical of. Even with Naruto, they’ve had arguments, but she’s never…

She has never attacked her teacher before. And she’s never lost her temper to the point of vulgarity before.

Did I go too far? Sakura wonders, rubbing her upper arms self-consciously. Or not far enough?

Sakura has always been guided by her heart and what feels right to her; it’s only in recent years, being so close to Lady Tsunade and the running of the village that she’s had to think more with her head.

And I never was really good at that anyhow, she thinks glumly. Images come back to her of a bridge and a knife, hateful scarlet eyes and a woman with glasses bleeding out in front of her. Every time she has tried to make a decision where her head and her heart disagreed, no good has come of it.

Right now, her heart insists she did right, but her brain keeps running over all of the logical arguments against her actions. She hasn’t felt so conflicted since the war, and it’s dizzying. She needs to take a step back from it somehow, to release the growing painful pressure inside her before bursts.

Her first instinct is to go to Ino, but she knows she can’t. As yet, this is all still utterly secret; she can’t reveal anything about Itachi to Ino. She could, however, mention being kept in the dark by her other teammates. 

Except...

Except her best friend is at home with Sai right now, enjoying newly married life. Though he is also one of Sakura’s closest friends, she doesn’t want to overshadow his newfound happiness with her black mood. Especially considering his own past, he deserves as much uncomplicated joy as life has to offer him.

Sakura’s mother would be her next choice, but the thing is, Mebuki Haruno has a blind spot when it comes to Kakashi and Naruto. Considering Kakashi is the Hokage and Naruto the hero that saved them all, she’s taken on a tendency to agree with them about everything. And she knows Sakura well enough to infer that Sasuke is somehow involved...

Mebuki has never been overly fond of Sasuke after he defected from Konoha, to put things mildly.

She’d say they were right to keep it from me, Sakura thinks, clenching her fist. She can’t blame her mother, not really; a parent’s duty is to protect their child. Mebuki’s feelings on the matter would be totally justified simply because she has never been on the frontlines or fought beside Sakura. Intellectually, her parents know what Sakura is capable of, but they have never seen it first hand. And they weren’t there to see the obstacles she’s overcome to achieve the power she has now.

Not in the way Naruto and Kakashi are. Those are the people who should know better, and yet…

Lady Tsunade would set them straight, Sakura thinks angrily. She would know…

A horrible thought occurs to her.

Did Lady Tsunade know?

She’s the Fifth Hokage, and she’s a Senju. It would make sense for her to know about what happened. And what Tsunade knows, Shizune usually knows as well, at least in Sakura’s experience. If they were both privy to the information, is there any chance they might not have told Sakura?

Lady Tsunade has always shared Sakura’s mother’s opinions about Sasuke Uchiha, and she can be just as overprotective.

No. No, they would have told me, Sakura insists to herself. Based on what Sasuke said, only a handful of people ever knew the truth. Only Lord Third and Danzō Shimura and Obito Uchiha. The latter was the reason Naruto found out, along with Kakashi and Yamato. They were on the way to the Kage meeting when Obito, still masquerading as Tobi, let them in on the secret. Sakura remembers all too well that during that time, Lady Tsunade was out of commission.

Besides, she never got along with the Elders or Danzō. She’s the last person they would have told about this, even before the attack on Konoha. If she didn’t think to look into the matter, she wouldn’t know, Sakura reasons. So Shizune wouldn’t know either.

Unless, at the end of the war, there was some sort of meeting to agree on keeping Itachi’s deeds and Konoha’s involvement in the massacre from public knowledge.

In that case there’s a very small chance…

That pained feeling in her chest and throat is back, like a knife. Sakura tries hard not to feel the mounting sense of betrayal, but it’s hard. She wishes more than anything she could go to her mentor right now and ask her about it. But Tsunade is out of the village on one of her gambling binges, and Shizune spending a few days at Konoha’s orphanage trying to make sure all the inhabitants are up-to-date on their vaccines and physicals (and because she still doesn’t trust Kabuto, probably to keep an eye on him).

Both are too far away to ask.

Under normal circumstances, this would be the point where Sakura goes to talk to Naruto or Kakashi, but considering they’re both contributing factors in why she’s feeling like this, it’s not an option.

As for Sasuke…

No.

She can’t bring this up to him, not after he entrusted her with such a horrible truth. Her feelings of being kept in the dark cannot compare to what he endured, and bringing this situation up to him now feels disrespectful. As if her pain over being left out once more could ever mean anything in the face of what he lost? She’s not so arrogant as to think she matters that much in the big scheme of things.

This shouldn’t be hitting me so hard, she chides herself. After all, it is in the past, and isn’t this time of recovery all about forgiving the sins of the past and working toward a better future? She should just shrug this off as a fait accompli and move on.

But the treacherous little voice in her head keeps whispering to her.

What if they keep doing it?

In the face of that, she can’t help the overwhelming hurt. It’s as if something is broken inside her, but nothing as simple as a bodily wound that she can mend.

She usually burns that feeling off with physical activity, and she desperately wants to go out and destroy a training field or two—to feel the earth shatter and break beneath her, and watch solid rock become dust between her fingers. But that would attract attention and people wondering and she just needs…she needs to do something.

To remind herself that she isn’t useless.

That she isn’t twelve years old and  cowering while Sasuke throws his body in front of her because she is too weak and useless and inferior to defend herself. Or with snot and tears running down her face while Kakashi naively promises her that everything will be alright and Naruto vows to bring Sasuke back to them. 

I am not that girl anymore, she growls to herself.

In that moment, she decides where she needs to be right now, and makes a determined beeline for the hospital. Upon arriving at her place of work, she takes a breath and, as always, lets the outside world slip away at the door. She strides into her office, where her intern Ando glances up in surprise, and before he can ask why she’s back so soon, she interrupts him.

“What’s the next operation scheduled?”

“Uh…Isamu is doing a double foot transplant in fifteen minute—”

“I’m scrubbing in on that,” she tells him. “He can have the next one.”

“But—”

She strides out before he can complete his protest, heading for an operating room.

Sakura very rarely wields her influence to jump the queue on cases, but she needs to stay busy, and she thinks that today of all days she deserves to use her advantage a bit.

Over the course of several hours, she schedules procedure after procedure, taking the lead on the most complex and challenging cases—the ones that require her constant presence and attention. In the midst of her work, she is able to forget the uncertainty and hurt and the memory of the useless child she was. Here, she is once again head medical ninja of Konoha, a hero of the Fourth Shinobi War and a legendary Sannin in her own right. She battles with death every day and, more often than not, wins. People here look up to her, defer to her knowledge and listen to her recommendations.

Naruto, of course, finds her soon enough, being as meddling as ever. While Sakura walks across the courtyard to consult on a possible case of Chakra Virus, he appears in front of her, determined and repentant.

“Sakura, I’m sorry, I swear, we didn’t—”

“I’m working, Naruto,” she tells him flatly and keeps walking. “Please leave.”

“But you need to listen—!”

“I need you to respect my wishes,” she replies. “Since it’s clear you don’t respect anything else.”

“That’s total bullshit and you know it!” Naruto yells, frustration and worry in his voice. For once, though, her immediate reaction isn’t to try to calm him. “Just because of this one thing—”

Sakura turns around then, her hand snapping out and grabbing Naruto by the collar of his jacket.

“This is my place of work,” she hisses at him, a flare of anger bleeding through the carefully constructed façade of business she’s lost herself in for a few hours. “I am saving lives right now, and I don’t have time for your interruptions while people could be dying. Now leave on your own, or I will break every one of your bones so thoroughly that even with your healing abilities, you’ll still be stuck on bed-rest for a month.”

She experiences a minor spark of gratification at the way Naruto goes pale beneath his whiskers and vanishes in an instant, but it doesn’t make her feel any better. Like his apologies, his misery feels hollow to her and does nothing to satisfy the hurt.

When she returns to her wing of the hospital, she gives Ando and all the other staff warnings that she is not to be disturbed by friends or family while she works. It’s not the first time she’s ordered this, so they don’t argue. She has a trusted support network among her colleagues, all of whom know better than to question her at this point. Those that do and still attempt to speak to her are run off with a single forbidding look.

While cleaning up after a successful limb-reattachment, a new intern that she doesn’t know very well approaches her.

“Sakura-sensei, the Hokage requires your presence,” she tells her shyly.

Sakura says nothing and reaches for the nearest chart and begins to glance over the particulars for her next case.

“Should I tell him you’re on your way?”

“No.”

“Oh…um…so you’ll be a little late?”

“No.”

“Oh.” She pauses. “What...what should I tell him?”

“Nothing.”

The girl isn’t quite sure what to say about that, but Sakura glances up and says, “That will be all, Wakana. You have rounds.”

She barely registers the intern’s puzzled expression as she heads off to her next appointment.

For another seventy-two hours straight Sakura pushes herself from one procedure to another, elbows deep in blood and viscera one moment, or painstaking research and experiments in the skills lab. She survives on caffeine and soldier pills, focussed on the problems she can solve. She doesn’t have to think about her injured heart while healing a broken pelvis.

Of course, she knows she can’t go on like this.

Eventually she starts to feel the exhaustion of using so much brain power and chakra without a respite. Even though she has a large reserve and could conceivably go on for days, it’s irresponsible to do so outside of a combat situation. Besides, being at work is no longer distracting her the way it should. Her thoughts and worries are beginning to bleed back through, and she knows she’ll have to face them sooner or later. Kakashi will only accept her ignoring his summons so many times, and Naruto won’t be deterred by her threat much longer.

Truthfully speaking, she’s surprised she hasn’t seen him at all since their encounter days ago. She suspects Kakashi might be keeping him from bothering her, because he at least understands the need for space.

Ando eventually makes the vague, round-about suggestion that she head home to sleep and relax—he curbs his usual bluntness by not telling her she smells, though she suspects she really should shower soon—and Sakura finds herself giving in.

She’s too tired to argue, apparently.

As she leaves the hospital, she pauses, dim and sluggish and too tired to think too much. It’s why she’s pretty sure that she’s dreaming when she notices a familiar figure waiting across the street.

Sasuke leans against the building opposite the hospital, a living shadow in an otherwise bright and cheerful street. And she instantly knows he’s waiting for her, even though he has never done so before.

It should bother her that he’s watching her, looking as unruffled and untouchable as always. And she’s probably got circles under her eyes, and the remnants of makeup caked on in places or and she doesn’t remember if she brushed her hair or teeth this morning. But somehow, it doesn’t really matter to her right now, the way it once would have.

And it’s still the most natural thing in the world for her to change her course and head toward him. His presence doesn’t erase her exhaustion or her inner turmoil, but it does cause a fluttering sensation or anticipation in her stomach.

After stewing in her self-constructed isolation for a few days, she’ll take it.

つづく

As always, reviews and constructive criticism are much appreciated! Also, if you are in a supportive mood , you can find my tip jar here.

クリ

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