#he did it today before work. now im at work. about to confront him

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I'm at the point in my job when I'm about to quit for any minor inconvenience.

[nicholasgoodgirl]

that was mean- nicholas

summary: nicholas was having a bad week and gave you the silent treatment.

warning: argument, crying, happy ending

a/n: i couldn't stop thinking abt this no joke. so ofc i had to write it out

from late at night till he left early this morning for work nicholas has been either quiet rude or both.

we haven't spoken to eachother or not even silents acts of love. nothing.

he cut his alarm clock off and i tried to give him a hug before he got out the bed and he pushed me off of him "not right now" he grumbled and got out of bed

when he left for work i said 'bye' to maybe break the silence shared between us, but i got no response. it was starting to get lonely. i missed my bestfriend that was also my boyfriend

i had nobody to mess with or someone to talk to about my day.

to stop these lingering thoughts i go back to bed to maybe get my mind off of things.

--

i wake up around 8 am which was later than the time i usally woke up around, but today was sorta a lazy day.

it was gloomy not much sun was shining, it rained a little here and there. it was more of a slow day for me so the extra rest was very much needed

i text my boyfriend forgetting about the whole silent treatment ordeal.

me: how's your day going so far?? :)

and to no suprise i was left on delivered and soon left on seen. i messaged him periodically throught the day; hoping that maybe he would reply

it was almost time for dinner which normally nicholas cooks cause he's just better at it, but i didn't know when he was coming home or if he would even do it, so i look up some quick easy recipes and nothing struck my fancy but the pizza recipe. cause how hard could it really be?

i put a packet of yeast into my bowl along with some flour, water, oil, and salt. i let that sit for 30 minutes then im back to cooking again.

spreading flour onto the counter and placing the dough onto it; kneading it into a circle shape. this was harder than i thought

i look around for the marinara sauce and i put it into a different bowl and add a few light seasonings.

i paste that onto the dough, then i sprinkle some alot of cheese onto the pizza and my additional toppings bell peppers, spinach, and mushrooms.

i was so proud of myself especially sense i wasnt the cook, out of me and nicholas. i was really excited for him to try what i made but again i highly doubt he would even eat the food.

i put the pizza away into the oven completely forgetting to set a timer and put on a movie while i wait.

--

a smell of burning was the first thing that woke me up. "shit shit shit" i repeat totally freaking out remembering i left the pizza in the oven.

i get a rag and ineffectivley wave smoke out the air. when i open the oven it smelled horrible. i was coughing from all the smoke that had entered my lungs.

i take the burning pizza out and throw it into the sink, and hose it down with the water.

thats when i hear the front door open and mentally face palm. "what's that smell?" he asks "i kinda burnt a pizza that i tried to make"

"of course you did" he mutters sounding unimpressed. "and the fuck you mean 'kinda' you obviously did burn a damn pizza" he gestures to the chunk of charcoal burnt pizza

"it's not like i did it on purposes or something if thats what you think" my tone sounding a bit confronting.

"It's smells fucking horrible so open a damn window first off" he took a step closer raising his voice.

"you don't pay for shit so i don't understand why you almost had this place in flames secondly. then you also wanna blow up my phone while im working for crying out loud what do you want from me!" he yelled directly in my face

and im sure he knows by now i hate being yelled at. it's something my parents did and overall doesn't solve anything

i just take it, i didn't wanna fight so i go over to the nearest window and crack it open so the smoke clears.

my eyes watered from all the harsh words he could dish out but not the equal amount of attention "well.. you are- when i was.. ugh s'not my fault" i couldn't get a full sentence out. i felt so belittled in this moment

"im going to bed i don't have time for your stupid ass shit" those words hurt more than he thinks.

he had the most patience for me, always making time for us and now he doesnt.

"that's so mean.. you're being so mean" i wipe some tears that had fallen. i turned away from him silently crying.

the peices of my hair stuck to my tear-soaked cheeks. "wait- I'm sorry please don't cry" nicholas' voice was filled with regret.

i lazily push him away from me but he doesn't budge. his arms wrap around me bringing me into his familiar embrace. "I'm so sorry for being an asshole. I've been having a long shitty week and i know thats not an excuse so you don't even have to forgive me."

"you're everything to me. i swear i didn't mean it." he adds

the unforgettable cruel words he'd said to me earlier shoved ontop of his sweet loving words made me cry more.

i let him hold my trembling body as sobs tore through my chest, each inhale was ragged and uneven.

my hands clutched the material of his shirt "im so sorry sweetheart i never wanna make you cry" he explains in such a low voice, giving my hair strokes in attempt to calm me.

my face still burried into his neck tears now starting to dry away, and my breathing starting to even out. he carried me over to the couch and placed me in his lap

i was drained from all the crying, the tense feeling in my body beginning to melt away when i really started to feel nicholas' touch. my eyes drooped again this time staying shut for longer.

i was too tired to resist the sleep that had tooken over. and being cradled in his arms didn't help.

"I'll order pizza for the both of us alright?" he took me off of his lap and placed me on our couch. then lays one of our throw blankets ontop of me. "can we talk in the mornin'?" is the last thing i remember asking before dozing off.

a/n: can yall tell idk how to make pizza

[issi-loves-dannyric]

You Belong With Me- Ollie Bearman

a/n: I'm a year older than Ollie so that's why I wrote it. One day this will be taken down as will all my other writings but at least not for a while. (personal choice cause yk work and everything) -Im tagging this as F1 since he's signed to Haas.

Summary: best friends to lovers, Ollie is too dumb to realize he's in love

angst ish with fluff

Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find

That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time

“She’s coming to a race” excitedly says to me while we walk in the paddock. 

“That's great!” I say faking enthusiasm, if he weren’t distracted by the girl he’s talking to he would’ve caught that I wasn’t happy. 

“I think I’m going to ask her out on a real date” he adds making my heart hurt a little more. 

“Yeah, that’s great. Hey, I’m going to go see some friends.” I say turning towards where Paul was standing on his phone. 

“Yeah-“ he says but is cut off by another message. Rolling my eyes I make my way towards the blonde. Feeling my presence coming up to him he looks up from his phone smiling. 

“Don’t see much of you without Ollie” he says smirking and opens his arms for a hug which I accept immediately. 

“Yeah he wouldn’t shut up about the girl he’s talking to  so figured might as well see some friends”

“Oh yeah, he talks about her all the time. I’ve met her before and she’s kinda…” he trails off

“A bitch”

“I didn’t say it but I’m not disagreeing” putting his hands up in defense. 

“No yeah, she definitely is a bitch and doesn’t like me.”

“Probably cause you and Ollie have a history” 

“He’s my best friend, of course, there’s history”

“Yeah…” before he could add anything Kimi and Dino were joining us making Paul drop the topic. 

2 months later

I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night-

“Ollie, what are you doing” I call out my window looking down at the boy who had spammed me to open my window. 

“I’ve barely heard from you for the past 2 months” he replies looking hurt. 

“Yeah…sorry” the last part being quiet.

“Are we going to talk like this or are you going to let me in?” He asks, sighing I push myself away going down to let him in quietly as possible. 

“Ollie it’s midnight” I whisper as we go towards my room door, allowing him to walk in before me to shut it. 

“I know but since when did it matter?” He replies lowly with a small tentative smile. 

“Since it’s been months from the last time you came over late or even had a full conversation,” I reply turning away, sitting on my bed. 

“Yeah” I could just barely hear, “just…I don’t know” he sighed staring at his feet. Looking at his face he’s trying to figure out what to say or do. 

“Something’s wrong” I state, patting the bed, “come here” making him look up at me. 

“I think she’s cheating on me, she’s just so different from me” he sighs referring to his girlfriend who has hated me for a while now. 

“Do you have proof?” I ask, although we don’t get along, she doesn’t deserve to be accused of something she didn’t do. 

“Kind of, I guess. Just she’s messaging her ex still, I think she went out with him today. Well, I know she did because of the photos.”

“Damn Ollie, that sucks,” I say looking down at my hands in my lap. “Are you going to do something about it?” I question 

“I’m going to confront her and see where it goes.” 

“Smart move” I replied looking up at him who was still avoiding eye contact. “Is there more?” Watching him fidget with the sleeves of his hoodie. 

“I’m sorry for not being around” he quietly voice breaking a little. 

“It's fine, you were busy with your new life.” I reply not meaning to be petty but he did ghost me, his “best friend”. He finally looked up at me with glossy eyes, “Don’t worry, I’m proud of you no matter what” smiling softly at him even with my own eyes feeling pricks of tears. Reaching out to his face I wipe his tears away with the hoodie holding his cheeks. Putting his hand on mine, keeping me from letting go of him, “I don’t want to lose you, I feel like I already did” sobbed holding my hand even tighter. Moving my hand to him, leaning on the pillow behind me. 

I’m the one that makes you laugh when you know you’re 'bout to cry. 

“I’m not leaving, at least not all the way” feeling him hold onto me even tighter, “I’ll always support you, Ollie. You can always text or call me if you need to.” I tell him while running my fingers through his hair, feeling my tears sliding down my face. “You can’t get rid of me that easily, Bearman,” I say trying to lighten the mood, earning a small chuckle from him. Pulling out of my hold, wiping his tears, “I should probably go before my parents realize I'm not there” He says getting up towards the door. 

“Yeah, I’ll lock the door behind you so mine don’t think I just left the house open for robbers,” I say with a small smile. 

“I mean it, you can text or call me anytime, you know I will try my best to answer.” I remind him at the door. 

“I‘ll remember,” he says pulling me into one last tight hug. 

All this time how could you not know

Looking down at my phone I just got a notification,

Ollie: I was right, she just admitted it and didn’t think she was wrong since I travel. 

Sighing I respond 

‘I’m sorry you had to go through that, Ollie. At least you found out now.’ 

Going back to whatever movie was playing on the living room TV. My parents are off on a date meaning I get to have the house to myself, although it’s not as fun as it seems when you’re alone. My phone's insistent vibration distracts me, realizing that a call vibration I pick it up not glancing at the caller. 

“Hello”

“Hey…” Ollie’s voice comes through barely, “I’m sorry, I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore really. I just miss you so much and this situation made me realize something.” He quickly lets out. 

“Ollie I never said I didn’t want to be in your life at all.” I reason

“Are you home?” He says sniffling. 

“Yeah, parents are out” 

“I need to come over” 

“Okay,” I reply quietly before hanging up.  

You belong with me. Have you ever thought, just maybe you belong with me?

Ollie's knocks were loud and fast making me get out faster walking to the door. The second I open the door, he puts his hand on my cheeks. 

“I want to kiss you” he mumbles leaning down slightly from the height difference. “Can I?” He breaths out 

“Yeah,” I say feeling heat on my cheeks now but quickly distracted by his lips on mine. Kissing him back I put my hands on the back of his neck pulling him closer.

Letting go realizing he’s rebounding, “What was that, Ollie?” I ask genuinely confused. 

“I’m sorry, I love you and it took that relationship for me to realize it.” 

“Still confused” 

“She said the reason she didn’t see the issue of her cheating was because I was in love with you the whole time. I thought she was crazy until I realized I compared her to you. Like the things you knew I liked or how you went out of your way to make me happy.” He paused putting one hand on my cheek again forcing me to look him in the eyes, “She’s right, I do love you more than just my best friend.” He finishes 

“Ollie” I whisper shocked by what he explained to me. 

“Please just give me a chance” he replied 

“I can’t be your rebound, Ollie. My feelings for you are real and I don’t want to be hurt.” I warn him. 

“You’re not a rebound I promise,” he says seriously. 

“Okay,” I reply causing him to smile slightly. 

“Okay?” 

“Prove you will try, Ollie,” I tell him, he lets out a breathy laugh before pressing his lips to mine. Accepting the kiss quickly but I pull away making him confused. “As much as I would like to kiss you in my front doorway so my whole neighborhood could see. I also have a movie playing so are you coming in or what?” I tell him, smiling widely, he accepts my invitation following me to sit on the couch. Curling up into him like we used to do, this time there’s no feeling of confusion about whether he likes me or not. 

You belong with me

“You know you’ve watched this hundreds of times.” He states referring to Coraline playing. 

“Yeah, and I’ll watch it a hundred more times.” I smile looking up at him. Pulling my face closer he started to kiss me again, this time I didn’t stop it, or at least for a moment until realizing I could hear my parents coming in through the garage. Letting go I shift to have my head on his chest with my right arm wrapped around his stomach. 

“Hey Ollie” they calmly say walking by us before going towards the stairs, “Oh hey try not to kiss in front of the whole neighborhood next time.” Before going up. Making me giggle remembering the cameras that watch the front door. 

“I forgot about the cameras,” he says embarrassed. 

“Yeah…me too” I added. 

[amhrosina]

It's Always Been You

Summary: You and Miguel are forced to confront your feelings for one another after a dangerous mission goes awry.

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara (Spider-Man 2099) x fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

masterlist // join my taglist // follow me on instagram & ao3

a/n: i cannot stop thinking about this man ohmygod anyways im overwhelmed by the love being shown for my other miguel fic and cant wait to add more to this community!!! thank you!!! (should i do a part two with smut? like friends to lovers first time?? lemme know <;3)

warnings: friends to lovers, arguing, some angst, love confessions!!!!!, reader calls miguel a name, idiots in love tbh, references to a dangerous situation (but no details i kept it super vague lol), starts to get a little suggestive at the end but is like 99% fluff

Miguel was ignoring you. Not in the usual, self-brooding, grumpy way he sometimes did when he was having a bad day, but in the way that told you he was furious with you. Anger had been radiating off of him in waves since your chaotic return to Nueva York a few hours earlier, and you, along with every other Spider-person at headquarters, was avoiding his workspace like the plague. It wasn’t like you hadn’t tried to console him, but you knew, probably better than anyone, that when Miguel wanted to brood, he would. You would try again later, and eventually you’d make him laugh, and the world would right itself again. It always did.

Spider-Woman huffed, plopping into the seat next to yours in the cafeteria, slamming her tray down hard enough to knock your tablet on its side. Clearly, she was upset about something. 

“Is everyone pissed off today?” You asked indignantly.

She glared at you, shoving a bite of sandwich in her mouth before answering.

“Miguel’s being pissy.” She glared at you. “And it’s your fault.”

“I can’t imagine why. We got the guy, didn’t we?” 

“We both know what you did was reckless.” Her glare intensified, and your annoyance shifted to guilt. It was a reckless move, but it worked. 

“He was being torn to shreds. I did what any of us would’ve done. If he has a problem, he can come talk to me about it instead of hiding from all of us like a teenager.”

Her gaze softened. “He has a lot on his plate.”

“So?” You combatted, annoyed all over again.

“So, I think maybe what happened today scared him, and he doesn’t know how to process his feelings about it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You shrugged, refusing to meet her gaze.

“You’re his best friend, and he almost lost you today. Go talk to him.” She suggested, patting your shoulder. “I think it’ll do everyone some good. And I do mean everyone. He’s scary when he’s mad.”

You shrugged her off, finishing your dinner in silence. If Miguel was so pissed, why couldn’t he come talk to you about it? Why, after years of knowing each other, were you still the one approaching him with an apology? Why couldn’t he just say what he meant for once?

But of course, after you finished your dinner and realized, hopelessly, that the only person you wanted to see was, in fact, Miguel, you huffed and began the trek to his office, where you knew he’d still be brooding.

The tension in the building had lessened after many of the spider-people had returned to their own universes, glad to get away from the uncomfortable elephant in the room, but that didn’t stop your stomach from clenching when you rounded the corner into Miguel’s dim, untidy workspace.

He was hunched over his desk, scribbling something down on a piece of paper. From your position, you had a clear view of the damage that had been done to his back earlier that day. You winced, thinking back to the few seconds of absolute terror you’d experienced when you’d seen the anomaly tearing into Miguel’s skin. The claw marks had already healed a little, now just raw, nasty looking scratches down the curve of his spine. 

He turned at the sound of your footsteps, though he had likely heard you coming since you stepped foot out of the cafeteria. Anger flickered in his cold gaze, but he was still here, decidedly not hiding from you, which was a good sign. You stepped into the workspace, setting the extra food you’d bought for him down before fully turning to face him.

“Hey.” You murmured. “Brought you some dinner.”

His gaze flicked from your awkward stance to the box of food on the table. “Thanks.”

Short. Blunt. To the point. You sighed.

“You’re still mad, then?” You asked, crossing your arms.

“Are you saying I shouldn’t be mad at the stunt you pulled today?” He glared, standing to his full height and towering over you.

“I’m saying you shouldn’t be mad at me for saving your life, asshole.” You looked up at him, refusing to back down.

“I had it under control. It was my anomaly to handle.” His nostrils flared with anger. 

You threw your hands up indignantly. “It was our anomaly to handle, and I handled it just fine! In case you don’t remember, I was good enough at handling myself to be recruited by you for this stupid team!”

“What you did was incredibly stupid. The anomaly could have killed you. Don’t you get that?”

“The anomaly was killing you. I did what I thought was best-”

“Exactly. You did what you thought was best and didn’t think once about the team. You risked an entire universe to show off!” He cut you off, slamming his hands on the desk on either side of you, effectively cornering you.

Your voices had risen considerably since your initial arrival, and you were now inches apart, screaming at each other.

“To show off?” You pushed at his enormous chest, vision blurred with a mixture of tears and anger. “I risked an entire universe to protect you, you asshole! Everything I do is to protect you.”

He grabbed your wrists, easily stopping your arms from pushing him again. 

“You could have died.” He grunted, squeezing your wrists.

“Why do you even care, Miguel? The anomaly was taken care of, just like it always is. We’ll go take care of another one tomorrow, just like we always do.”

“Because I love you, obviously!” He yelled, releasing his grip on you and taking a full step backwards. Stunned into silence, neither of you said anything for a full ten seconds. He began pacing in front of you, hands on his hips, breathing heavily as the magnitude of what he’d just revealed fully hit him. He paused when he heard you sniffle, and began speaking.

“I love you. Can’t you see that?” He asked, stepping close to you. Tears welled in your eyes, and you couldn’t bear to look up at him for fear that it might be a dream, or worse, a cruel trick of his. “I care because I love you, and I almost lost you. I-” he swallowed thickly, “I almost lost it when I realized what you were doing. And when we couldn’t find you after? That was the worst thirty seconds of my life.” He shook his head, clearing the thoughts from his mind. “I can’t lose you. Do you understand that? You’re mine. I can’t lose you, baby.”

You finally lifted your chin, meeting his gaze. He tentatively cradled your cheeks, wiping away the stray tears that had snuck down your face during his speech. 

“I love you, too.” You murmured, nuzzling into his palm. “But you can’t expect me to just watch while you’re being torn to shreds. I had to do something.”

He nodded, though it clearly pained him to agree with you about it. “I know. And I know you can handle yourself. I’m sorry for getting so angry, but you have to understand that your safety is the most important thing to me when we go chasing after anomalies. And I know that it should be saving the universes that we’re in, but it’s not. It’s you, and it’s always been you. Don’t ask me to change that. It will always be you.”

You blinked up at him in stunned silence, nodding. You couldn’t remember when your feelings for Miguel had shifted to something beyond friendly, but you’d never before allowed yourself the fantasy of him loving you in return. It was something you’d come to terms with months ago, accepting that you’d never get to hold him the way he deserved to be held. But now he was standing with you, holding you, begging you to understand that all of his anger has been out of pure, unselfish love for you. 

“I won’t ask you to change that.” You conceded, a small grin forming on your face, “As long as you promise to at least try to stay out of harm’s way.”

“I promise, but you know harm seems to seek me out no matter what.” His grin mirrored the one on your face. He shifted his head down, stopping only centimeters away from your lips. “If I asked you to kiss me right now, would you?”

“That depends.” You breathed, heart thundering in your chest. “Are you going to be this dramatic every time I save your ass, O’Hara?”

He chuckled, cradling your head in his massive hands. “Maybe. Yes. Definitely.”

You shrugged, nodding. “Okay.”

“Okay?” He asked, eyes flicking between your gaze and your lips.

“Okay.” You bobbed your head once and then leaned in.

He captured your lips in an earth-shattering kiss, exploring every inch of what you offered to him eagerly. His hands roamed the length of your body, pulling you fully against his heated skin. You melted into him, pliable to his every whim and desire, going exactly where he wanted you to go, doing exactly what he wanted you to do. Heat coiled in your entire body, poised to erupt at the slightest touch he offered. You reached forward, tugging at the material around his waist. If he wasn’t inside of you soon, you thought you might explode. His hands wandered below your waistband, too, eager to please.

A loud clunking sound from around the corner had you springing apart, panting, overheated, and completely high off one another’s touch. It wasn’t that you were embarrassed to be seen kissing Miguel. In fact, you were planning on kissing him at every moment possible, if he’d let you. It was the fact that you’d very nearly allowed him to strip you naked and have his way with you in his very public office. He seemed to be thinking the same thing, coming to his senses and adjusting the uncomfortable looking bulge in his pants as the sound of footsteps grew nearer.

“Miguel, you’re going to be in an even worse mood if you don’t just go talk to her. I mean, really, you’re both acting like idiots and clearly love each oth- oh!”

Spider-Woman came into view, waving her hands frantically and then doing her very best to hide the smile growing on her face. You shifted your feet awkwardly, trying your best to look like you hadn’t had Miguel’s tongue shoved down your throat ten seconds earlier. Miguel, as stoic and unperturbed as ever, had simply bent down and returned to scribbling on the paper from earlier, which made you involuntarily scowl. He always looked so cool. It was annoying.

“Am I…interrupting something?” Spider-Woman asked, smirking. Clearly, you weren’t doing a great job hiding anything from her. 

“What was that you were saying when you came in? Something about my mood?” Miguel asked, lifting his gaze to hers.

“Oh, nothing!” She grinned, turning on her heels and leaving the room as fast as she had entered it.

Miguel looked at you, suddenly shy now that you were alone together again. “Wanna bet how long it’ll be before she spills the beans to someone about us?”

You barked a laugh. “I’ll give you my entire paycheck if she hasn’t announced it to someone already.” 

Tag List:

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[pathologicalreid]

spenwer weid hanahaki pwease 💐💐💐

perennial | S.R.

unrequited love brings spencer to his death bed, unless you can rescue him

who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: angst content warnings: hanahaki au, spencer reid gets a degree in yearnology, terminal illness, happy ending, surgery, doctors, this is a made up disease, mentions of other diseases like cancer and briefly mentions reid's addiction and schizophrenia, and death. word count: 3.01k a/n: if you don't know what hanahaki disease is, neither did i until bri asked. look here for some background. i did not come up with this concept. im not that creative.

He had never quite been able to pinpoint the date he fell in love with you. He wasn’t sure if it was the say you laughed at his jokes or the way your hair shone in the sunlight. He just knew that he loved you, and it was killing him.

It wasn’t killing him in the colloquial sense, it was physically going to end his life. The deep, brutal love he felt for you had been slowly chipping away at him for well over a year now, ever since you waltzed into his life. Haphazardly, he tossed the packet that his doctor had given him onto his coffee table, the papers ungracefully fanning out over the oak surface as he did.

Leaving his apartment today had effectively drained him of energy, prompting him to call out of work – something he had been doing with alarming frequency these days. Luckily, Hotch was able to give him leeway, but it couldn’t be long until Spencer got into trouble. Someone else would notice, he was sure you already were.

Yours was the face he always saw when he closed his eyes. If he didn’t know any better, he could’ve sworn your features were tattooed on the inside of his eyelids. Despite his exhaustion, he was wary of falling asleep. He didn’t want to see you in his dreams, lest it cause his health to deteriorate even more.

Trying to take a deep breath, something caught in his throat, causing him to stumble over to his pathetic-looking balcony. Leaning over the railing, he lost himself in a coughing fit, letting the petals that were poisoning his lungs fly out of his mouth.

Once Spencer got his bearings back, he straightened up. Blinking tears out of his eyes, he watched the purple flower petals float away in the wind. He was watching the petals when he noticed you, walking determinedly along the sidewalk, your jacket flowing behind you. Was it five o’clock already? Had you already gotten out of work?

Splitting himself in two, he hoped you weren’t going to come to his door while also hoping you were headed to see him. He knew that the dull ache in his chest only grew worse when you were closer, but the possibility of seeing your beautiful eyes provided him with the bravery that he needed to confront that pain.

Watching you disappear into the apartment building, he waited until he heard a knock at his front door. He took the wobbly steps required to reach the front door, clearing his throat, and letting a petal fall to the floor just before he undid the lock and deadbolt.

You swung the door open, not even waiting for him to open the door. He waited as you studied him, eyes flittering across his body – just taking in the state of him.

Spencer had never been overly large or muscular, he had been lanky pretty much from the get-go, but over the past year, he had become frail. You swallowed thickly as you took in the way his sweater practically hung off of him, “Hi, Spence.”

His chest ached at the familiar nickname, everything about you was familiar. “Hi, Y/N,” he greeted politely, and he watched your confidence falter for just a moment before he silently pulled the door open. “You can come in if you want,” he felt as though there were an angel and a devil on his shoulders. One would beckon for you to enter the apartment, and the other wanted to banish you. The only problem was that he wasn’t sure which was the angel, and which was the devil.

Nodding, you stepped into the apartment, your shoes tapping against the hardwood before you took them off. His throat tickled at the recognition that you remembered his preferences for shoes in his apartment. Shoving your hands in your jean pockets, you peered up at him, “What happened to you?” You asked with concern violently apparent in your tone.

Narrowing his eyes, he cocked his head to the side, “What do you mean?” He had to bite his tongue from saying you happened to me.

“Hotch said you called off, and I noticed you had been doing that a lot recently,” you said, your voice a gentle caress.

Your observations of him sent him into another coughing fit, and he silently hoped you wouldn’t notice the flower petals that scattered the floor. Purple anemones created a pattern of lovesickness in the entirety of his apartment. His skin burned where your hands landed on him, gently ushering him to the couch.

Gratefully, he accepted the tissue that you had held out for him, allowing him to conceal his flowers. “I’m worried about you, Spence,” you confided in him, unable to hide the silver that lined your eyes.

He waved you off, shaking his head as he launched into another coughing fit. Once he gathered himself, he looked up, avoiding your eyes, “I had a doctor’s appointment.”

Your eyes widened in recognition, “Did you finally get your cough checked out?” The inquiry was innocent enough, but he couldn’t help but cringe inwardly at the words that had come out of your mouth. How was it that something as pure as worry could cause him so much pain?

He didn’t answer your question, leaning back against the supple leather of his couch. With a sigh, he allowed his body to meld into the cushions, it was almost enough for him to just fall asleep.

Flinching as you set a hand on his knee, he finally met your eyes, “Spencer, are you sick?”

He knew what you were asking, you wanted to know if he was ailing. Maybe if he had cancer or something that could be removed from his body. Maybe his opioid addiction had finally caught up with him. He didn’t think he looked jaundiced, but maybe his liver was failing.

Perhaps you were thinking about something more psychological, he was at the age where he could have a schizophrenic break. You knew very well that that was a fear of his.

There was also a strong probability that his years in the BAU were just starting to catch up with him. “Spencer?” You breathed, holding your breath as you were afraid of what he could be hiding from you.

“In a manner of speaking, yes,” he was sick. A patient in the doctor’s waiting room had called him a love-sick fool, and they had been right.

You spluttered for a moment as you searched for the right thing to say. Telling him you were sorry felt like a waste of words, an apology couldn’t help him now. “Is there a cure?” You asked him softly, leaning closer to him until he could smell your floral perfume – the world was cruel.

Taking a moment to clear his throat, Spencer answered your question while tucking a flower petal up his sleeve, “There’s a surgery, but it comes with… risks.”

His answer didn’t satisfy you; risks weren’t enough for you to sit and watch him die. You pulled your hand off of his knee, sitting on the floor and folding your hands in your lap, “But without it, you’ll die.” It was clear to you that whatever was going on with Spencer was serious, and if his illness was fatal, you would do anything in your power to help him.

“Most likely,” he confirmed, the both of you knowing he had already run every probability relating to his own survival. It was all he could do to not reach out to you as your teary eyes finally flooded over.

Wiping furiously at your face, you scrunched up your nose in frustration, “You have to do it, Spence.” Your voice was insistent.

Sighing, he shook his head despondently, “I can’t.” He noticed the way you bristled at his answer, but he couldn’t elaborate.

The risks that came with his surgery would be devastating. He would lose you. You wouldn’t die, but every memory that he had of you would die. That was a sacrifice that Spencer wasn’t willing to make.

Truth be told, he was afraid. He was afraid of forgetting you. Forgetting the way you sang along to every song on the radio – even if you didn’t know the words. Forgetting the way you liked to dance in the kitchen while you cooked. Forgetting the way you protected the people you cared about so fiercely.

Forgetting you was a nonnegotiable term. He’d rather die in love with you than live in a world where he had never known that feeling.

His fear of forgetting you greatly outweighed his fear of death.

He took a deep breath, which only resulted in more coughing. Your soft hands guided him tenderly, helping him to lie down on the couch. “Will you look after her?” He blurted, looking up at you as you returned from the kitchen.

Setting a glass of water down on the coffee table, you crossed your arms in front of your chest, “Look after whom?”

“My mom,” he clarified, his voice gravelly from all of the speaking he had done today.

Your lips parted in surprise, evidently that had not been what you were expecting him to say. “You want me to take care of your mother after you…” you couldn’t even finish the sentence. “You won’t even fight to stay with her.”

He couldn’t find the courage to explain his sickness to you, so he let you form your own conclusions. If you wanted to operate under the assumption that he was a coward, so be it. At least he still had you. “I can’t fight it, Y/N. I don’t expect you to understand, but I do want you to respect that.”

Shaking your head, you looked down at the floor, not meeting his eyes anymore. Looking at your pretty eyes was a privilege he had lost, it seemed. “I can’t,” your voice wavered as you stepped backward, stumbling over a pile of books on the floor before you turned and walked out the door, taking bits and pieces of him with you.

Laid back on his couch, Spencer wiped his own tears before that too became arduous. Left in his apartment to rot, he thought about this disease. This unexplainable disease that he had never even heard of before being referred to a specialist.

There was one cure for Hanahaki Disease, and that was to turn unrequited love into requited love. You had the ability to cure him, and all you needed to do was tell him you loved him.

And it had to be the truth.

Even if he did get the surgery, he could return to work. He could meet you again, which would confuse the entire team, including you, but he’d still be damaged. His doctor had told him just that morning that his lungs were past the point of no return.

You deserved better than that. You deserved someone who had the lung capacity to kiss you breathless. You deserved someone with the guts to tell you how they feel.

All of that was purely hypothetical because in order to re-meet you, he’d need to survive the surgery.

The surgery he refused to get.

Either way, he was going to lose you. That realization knocked the air out of his lungs, causing him to turn over on the couch in a fit of coughs. Bringing a new meaning to ‘hacking up a lung,’ he continued his fit until there was a pile of purple flower petals beneath his face.

It was fitting that the flower petals were anemones. He had thought that from the very beginning. Anemones were perennials. Perennial, meaning lasting for an infinite time – enduring. Just like his love for you.

When the surgery was first offered to him, he challenged the doctors. Insisting that his love for you could endure any surgery. He was a man of science; he didn’t fully comprehend how a cardiothoracic surgery could affect your memory. Then again, he was coughing up fresh flower petals on the daily.

The click of the latch on his door caught his attention, and you stepped through the door. He was surprised to see you, and even more surprised to note the red rimming your eyes. You had been crying – over him. “I thought you had left,” he murmured, watching you carefully.

Nodding absentmindedly, you kicked off your shoes. “I did, I… I was going to go home, but on my way to the metro, I passed that deli that I know you like. You need to eat, I know you haven’t been eating right - or at all, actually.” You took a deep, shaky breath, setting the deli bag on the coffee table. “It’s just soup, I thought it might help soothe your throat,” you informed him, rubbing the back of your neck as you crouched next to him.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Spencer insisted, even if the smell coming from the bag made his mouth water.

Wiping a hand down your face, you cleared your throat, “I was thinking about you. What if I went with you to your next doctor’s appointment? There could be a clinical study or something available. My college roommate works at Johns Hopkins now, maybe she has an in.” The hope in your eyes was almost enough to break his heart.

He smiled at you sadly, “There’s nothing, I’ve asked.” That part was true, he had called in every favor that he had in order to find answers and solutions. Either no one knew what he was talking about, or they told him things he didn’t want to hear.

Tears welled in your eyes again and he reached out to wipe them from your cheeks, his hands trembling in time with your bottom lip. “I refuse to believe that this is the end. This can’t be how it ends.” You looked at him pleadingly, “Are you sure you won’t get the surgery?”  

He nodded regretfully. Losing all of his memories of you was a fate worse than death.

Bowing your head, you let loose a sob, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Spence.” You apologized incessantly to him, “There’s nothing I can do to change your mind?”

His own eyes grew teary until he was just looking at your outline, a blurry visage of the girl that he was dying for. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” he insisted, reaching over and smoothing down your hair. “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me,” he whispered, having a hard time speaking as emotions caused his throat to swell.

 “Please get the surgery,” you spouted, eyes widening as if you hadn’t even expected yourself to say that. “Please, Spencer if you don’t do it for yourself, then do it for me,” your words started to merge into pleas.

Silent, Spencer watched you as you unknowingly begged him to forget you.

Taking a shuddering breath, you looked at him, watery eyes boring into his. “If for no one else, then save your life for me.”

“It’s not that easy,” he breathed.

You brushed off his excuses, “Spencer, I need you. I need you to get this surgery because I absolutely have to have you in my life. Please, you’re my- I’m…” you faltered over your words. He watched as you desperately searched for the right thing to say, “god, can’t you see I’m in love with you?”

Spencer’s chest ached as he grew fearful. You didn’t know what you were saying.

“I love you!” You shouted, surprising even yourself. “I love you, and I need to keep loving you. So, I need you to get this surgery.” You swallowed thickly, “Please, Spencer.”

He felt like he was out of tears to cry, “Just so I understand, what kind of love are we discussing?” Platonic love wouldn’t do it, not for this.

Leaning your head back, you stared at the ceiling helplessly, “Like the soul-crushing, yearning, I’d-marry-you-tomorrow-if-you-asked kind of love.”

Nodding slowly, Spencer leaned forward, and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, prompting you to kiss him back. It was soft and careful – the two of you were oh, so careful. “I love you too,” he said, knowing damn well that his yearning had nearly killed him. “But for the record, I’d do a much better job of asking you to marry me,” he pointed that out because he did plan on marrying you one day.

Laughing despite the tears that were still flowing down your cheeks in steady streams, you tilted your head at him, “Does that mean you’ll do the surgery?”

For you, he’d move heaven and earth, but he knew that the surgery wouldn’t be necessary. “Come with me to my next appointment, you can meet my doctor, I’m sure he’d love to meet you.” Spencer’s doctor had, after all, heard everything about you.

“Okay, of course, I will,” you told him, burying your face in your hands. “I’ve been sitting on that for almost a year now,” you admitted, causing his heart to clench.

Propping himself up on his elbow, he eyed you curiously. He wasn’t expecting to return to his old self immediately, but Spencer felt like there was some sort of weight lifted from his chest – like getting over a bad cold. “Hey, Y/N?”

Your eyes widened, “Oh! Your soup!” You moved to get up and grab a spoon from Spencer’s kitchen.

Quickly, he reached up and grabbed your hand, tugging on it until you toppled down onto the couch. You landed gracefully, being careful so you didn’t hurt him. “Actually, I was thinking about something a little more along these lines,” he said, poking his head forward and kissing you again.

Nothing but slow, gentle kisses today. The two of you had all of the time in the world. He leaned back onto the pillows, never separating from you. Finally, he let the scent of your floral perfume drown his senses.

For once, it didn’t fill him with dread.

[ihopeiexplode]

📱 “Desperate lover boy” [←Previous]

—

it's been a week. and your back to acting dryly with him and constantly avoiding him,

every time he tries approaching you you're always running away from him, seriously why are you even ignoring him? he didn't do anything wrong this time, right?

the deadline for your project is fast approaching and yet you still refuse to go see him despite that, you still wrote, and so did he

—

Eventually, the deadline came along, meaning you get to submit all your daily documentaries and after that, both of you would read what you two had to say about each other for the past month

You'd walk into your professor's office taking a seat right next to Sukuna while you avoided eye contact, he did the same with him clenching the armrest

"ahem, I finished reading both of your works and I must be quite surprised about what you two have written down"

"Especially with how you two are acting when your papers say the complete opposite, but either way you both passed, you can read each other's papers now"

With that you both looked at each other before grabbing the folders with both of your names, you grabbed the folder under Sukunas name while he grabbed the folder under your name

If anything you were curious on what he wrote, after all what does your professors even mean by 'when your papers say the complete opposite'?

as you read through Sukunas paper, each paper you read through your eyes widen in disbelief there's no way he really feels this way right?

However once you read through the last one your jaw immediately dropped...

“Day 30”

y/n's still ignoring me. I hate it not to mention every time she's finally alone I just have to get approached I don't want her getting the wrong idea but with how girls keep throwing themselves at me for the past week? I doubt it.

fuck this. After this whole project bullshit if she won't talk to me I'll make her, one way or another

Maybe I'll even—

Right when you were about to read the last line suddenly sukuna snatched the paper out of your hand as he stormed out of the office

"right when you were about to get to the good part too,"

Your professor would suddenly say as he let out a chuckle causing you to turn your head back to look at him in confusion

"the last part said he's planning on asking you out today but is scared you'll reject him, but after he finished reading your paper I'm pretty sure he has nothing to worry about"

"I'm just surprised how oblivious you two are... Anywho, you should go talk things out with your soon-to-be boyfriend Hm?"

—

That's what you did, afterall you wanted to confront him about it all, you practically asked everyone he knew! Yet none of them seen him,

Well, there's one person you haven't asked yet...

—

You grabbed your phone and dialed yujis number waiting for him to pick up

"yuji have you seen Sukuna...? I asked everyone..."

"hiii y/n!! Anyways, that kinda depends, whats the situation?"

"the project were—"

"the park, the one with the lake"

"are you sure?..."

"duhhh, that's where he always goes to when he can't get you out of his head, last time I asked he said: 'Because y/n and I would always hang out here back when we were friends....' I'm surprised he even told me that"

"I see, thx Yuji,"

—

Eventually, once you reached it you found Sukuna sitting down on a Bench while reading through your paper, even from afar you could see how red his face was as he read through word by word,

You'd slowly approach him tapping on his shoulder, If you were anyone else he would've pushed you into the lake, but it's you so...

"were you really serious about asking me out?"

"..."

"yes..."

"well? Aren't you gonna do it now?"

"wait what....?"

"don't tell me you think im still gonna reject you after reading my paper..."

"I mean.... Well... I planned on doing it somewhere else.."

"I see, so just a kiss then? I don't think I did it right at the first time"

He'd just stare at you dumbfounded, he knew you were forward with your words but not that much...

"so? Yes or no?"

Without any hesitation, he immediately cupped your face before pulling you forward and crushing his lips into yours, this time you returned the kiss, unlike last time...

After that he'd pull away with his face still red,

"taking that as a yes then?"

"So.. what are we?"

"what do you think??"

"fuck you."

"love you too"

"you're annoying...love you too..."

—

[⛩️] @: Likes & Reblogs R appreciated! ^^

A/N: woohoo the end guys wowoeowowow what do ygs think!!!

Taglist: @catobsessedlady @hellomeow12 @0-candlecove-0 @shivzypuff @swirlingcurses @1-800-choke-that-ho @attackonnat @chilichopsticks @getoxmahito @memenojutsu @uhnanix @ichorstainedskin @needtoloveoutloud @love-me-satoru @s-j320 @allthestarsarecloserrrrrrr @goj0ssunglasses @svtvrnal @haitanibros0007 @punkhazardlaw @mslydiaa @jayathelostdragon @caileysdead @rixyaaaa @minzxec @rzcnlb @cadibearrr @sukunaspillow @dervngedgf @rayrayline

[itstheghostofmypast]

Pollen Love (1/2)

Florist Choi San x (F)Reader

Summary: The world had always been a bit too dull for the florist, a bit too rough for his petal like soft heart, stomping on it whenever anyone would deem fit - but was she any different? If so, why was she out of his reach, why did the world pluck away the flower that was supposed to put his bouquet back together?

Genre: Hurt + Comfort

Warnings: heavy self-criticism, violence, language

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 4.3k

Est.Read Time: 25 min

Networks: @cromernet @k-labels @san-network

Banner: @cafekitsune

A/N: A two part treat till I work on my main series.

"Woah there, what happened- did the boss come at ya, at like-" he turned to check the giant clock at the opposite end of the floor, "8 am- you want me to go knock some sense into him?" he asked, pulling out a dozen tissues from the 'free tissue box' and pressing them on her nose, signalling for her to blow, only for her to smack his hand, and point at something.

"What- oh" he stared at the bouqet of blue roses wrapped in a pastel yellow paper, all tied up with a with bow. "Wait- he made a move on you?"

Snatching the tissues she blew in an extremely ungraceful manner before throwing them away, "You idiot, they're your birthday gift, take them away before I die."

His fingers touched the soft petal of a rose, smiling at the sweet gesture before turning around to hug her only to be smacked across the face with a file. Letting out a mixture of a whimper and a growl he stared at her, hand on his now pink cheek, "So many mixed signals."

"I'll kill you, wash your hands! You know im deathly allergic to pollen!" protesting she sat down on her swivel chair, crossing her legs and glaring up at him. "And what mixed signals, you should be thankful I didn't shove them up your a** for not inviting me to your birthday party."

Letting out an exaggerated fake gasp he knelt down infront of her, placing a hand on his heart, "And for that I am truly sorry, my bestfriend since childhood, but please understand how the guys wanted me to go with them to a certain club where I couldn't possibly take you."

"You shouldn't be celebrating your birthday at a strip club anyway, it's extremely unhygienic," she mumbled, glancing at the flowers and then back at him on the floor on his knees, the usual Wooyoung theatrics.

"Yet, so entertaining -"

"You're disgusting."

"But a simple man."

"Get out of my cubicle".

That was three days ago, today was a Thursday, a regular, boring Thursday so did Wooyount expect to find another bouqte in his cubicle, no. Did he find one, yes, this had been going on since Monday and at this point Yunho and a few on the others floor had begun to assume there was something going on between the two. So, like any best friend,  he decided to confront her during break.

Turning off the faucet she shook her wet hands over the sink, looking in the mirror to check up on her makeup, her ears picking up the sound of the door opening, "There you are!"

Turning to look at the all too-familiar voice before letting out a shriek and throwing the bar of soap at him, as he ducked skillfully,  being all too aware of her habit of throwing things at him.

"THIS IS THE LADIES RESTROOM."

"Well I'm having lady issues," he said before aiming the bouquet of sunflowers at her, only for her to take a step back gasping, "My lady, mind you a horrifying one, has been leaving me these bouquets when I clearly know she doen't love me enough to face death each day." as soon as he was done they heard someone flush and the last stall open, his eyes widening in fear, about to make a run for it but she grabbed his hand, "Oh no, now you face the consequences."

"So, who are you in love with?"

"For f***'s sake." hissing she face palmed, Wooyoung's boistorous laugh echoing across the tiled walls. Before them, Yunho stood infront of the sink, rolling up his sleeves as he begun to wash his hands, turning his head to meet her questionng glare to which he shrugged, "Ladies washrooms are cleaner, men use toilets like pigs and..." moving closer to reach beside her, he pulling out a few tissues, "Ya'll have tissues."

Rolling her eyes at this  statement she turned to Wooyoung, motioning for him to move, only for him to move the bouqet closer to her face, watching her nose scruntch as she covered her mouth. Muffling out a whine, "Wooyoung, come on, its nothing, just let it go, I let go the fact that you went to strip club to your birthday and didnt celebrate with me-"

"THAT'S WHAT YOU TOLD HER ?"Yunho, who was now leaning against the counter hollered. That's when she noticed it, the silence, the way Wooyoung was shaking, in...fear. No...this mf wouldn't have...could he?

"Yunho" he hissed, slowly moving back as she stepped closer to him, "You a**hole." is all that escaped him before he made a beeline for the elevator, "I SWEAR I WANTED TO TAKE YOU BUT YOU HAD YOUR PROJECT THE NEXT DAY" he yelled running into the eventor, pressing on the close button before she could jump in. Unfortunately for him, she was able to stick her hand in before the doors closed, automatically opening again.

He backed into the opposite wall, "I c-can explain." holding the bouqet to cover his face until she snatched it and started beating him with it, "YOU PROMISED TO GO WITH ME- f*** I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU WENT TO THE IMAGINE DRAGONS CONCERT WITHOUT ME!"

"IM- ow- SORRy-STOP"

The elevator stopped at a random floor and dinged, not that the two even pressed a button in this first place, they only stopped when someone cleared their throat. Pausing midscene the two- Wooyoung who was covered in petals and Y/N who was holding the dead beat bouquet,  the wrapping paper crumbled to shreds- looked the people standng at the entrance.

"Umm..."

"Everyone, but these two, are normal." Jongho explained and entered the lift, someone next to him nodding and entering. That's when Wooyoung noticed, buff dudes hang out with buff dudes, that and how his bestfriend was twitching, slowly moving behind him, trying to hide, like she was...shy? He hadn't seen her ever flinch around any other man, let alone shy away from one. It was at this point when is gaze moved from her, trailing to catch the face of the man standing next to Jongho, who was offering her a shy smile in return. He was an eight...or at max a nine...or 9.98- point is he wasn't extraordinary, in fact, when did he start working here? Wooyoung always knew everyone, and this strange, tall mountain of a man was not part of the everyone, nonetheless, the creep was disturbing his dear darling demon, which is why he chose to speak up.

"Haven't seen you before?" his words calm but with an edge to them causing Jongho to let out an exagerted sigh and the man to nod at him, an introvert huh, still had the guts to hit on her? Creep and a weirdo.

"He doesn't, I just wanted to show him the gym here." Jongho turned to face the two idiots, the lady who sends him her work in late almost every week and her scoundrel of a friend who makes sure to finish all the morning free muffins before the poor bear can reach the break room.

"I almost couldn't recognise you without the mask?" the stranger spoke in a hushed tone, causing her to dip her head even more, mumbling a, "I didn't think you would."

"You know this creep?" Wooyoung turned to her, before biting his lip when he felt her heel dig into his toe. Pretending she wasnt doing that she bowed in apology, only for him to smile at her, "It's alright, so, this is who you buy flowers for each day?" his voice as soft as the clouds, as smooth as velvet, though unknown to her, those words, the sight of her standing so close to the rude guy, watching them physically engage before the two had entered the lift had set something burning in him, anger? Jealousy?

F*** no, they were not for this moron, but would she tell him the real reason? Of course not, shaking her head, she was about to speak when Jongho cleared his throat, "Anyway, San, let's go ....and you two...stay out of trouble." with that he walked out, her frantic gaze meeting San's calm eyes, with one last dimpled smile he walked out with a "Hope to see you around Miss."

With the doors closing she bit her lip, this is not how she wanted to him to see her, this is not what she wanted him to think- wait, was he going to stop being nice to her? Or would he just treat her like any other customer? Or-

"So, that's him, huh?" his words broke her train of thought, slinging an arm over her shoulders, "That's the guy, you face death for each morning, the guy you are willing to buy for, because he got your itty bitty heart in his palm and he has -until today- not seen you without a mask, not because you're hygienic,  no, because you'd literally get an allergic attack and die?"

Sighing in defeat she rested her head on his shoulder, "I'm pathetic, aren't I?" as she let him lead them out to their floor, as fun as this was, they still had half of the day left and he had some investigating to do.

"Nah, not pathetic,  just desperate and stupid."

"Thanks, Woo."

"Anytime."

.

"You gonna do something or just stare at the weights?" Jongho asked as he got off the treadmill, noticing how his friend had been distracted ever since they got off the elevator. To be honest Jongho had brought him here because this was closer to work and San's shop, and since he'd get off work late it was easier for them to continue with their routine at this office gym, rather than the one near their apartment complex.

"Oh- no, sorry." San mumbled, sitting back on the bench, reaching to pick up a dumble, only to freeze at the next choice of words his friend spoke so casually, "Can't believe thats your masked lover."

"She isn't my lover." he hissed cranning his neck around to glare at the man who was now sitting on the bench next to him, chuckling before chugging down a whole bottle of water.

"No" sighing, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "She's got you whipped, but you didn't know she was in a relationship- you're such a romantic Sannie."

"I'll throw this at you. I swear." placing the dumble back down, grumbling he got up, no longer interested in working out anymore, choosing to stretch out the tension in his muscles instead.

"And I'm surprised you never bothered asking for her name."

"Drop it." with that he grabbed his duffle bag , "I'm going to hit the shower."

"Mhmmm...so what was more distracting? Her skirt or the fact that you saw her face for the first time-" Jongho's sentence was cut halfway when a towel was smacked on his face, San's attempt to shut him up before disappearing around the corner to the washrooms.

.

Today was not a good day. Well, yesterday wasnt one either, well it was till he found out that the lady he had been saving his extra silky ribbons and prettier flowers for was in fact in a relationship, or at least what looked like one. Today, he had gotten up earlier than expected, a minute before his alarm rang, which only added to his anger. Then the water ran out while showering, so he had to stumble out of the tub, eyes closed, trying to keep his eyes safe from the suds of his shampoo, almost tripping off what may have been his own pants. After that fiasco, he had missed the bus, which meant he was late, which meant he wasn't opening his flower shop, his pride and hardwork on time. But was he upset about that or the fact that since he was late, he wouldn't be able to see her today- wait why is he even thinking of her?

In midst of his crisis he missed someone standing in front of him and bumped into them, thanking God for his cat like reflexes as he balanced himself quickly, hands instinctively reaching to grab the hand of the falling individual, pulling them up into his chest.

Her forehead bumped against his chest, his arms secure around her waist, her own palms pressed against his warm chest, the sweater warm and fuzzy under her finger tips.

"S-sorry." peaking up through her lashes, her face flushed at the sight of his curious gaze. "It's alright" smiling down at her, suddenly his day turning a bit brighter, "No mask today ?"

"W-what? Oh, " her fingers instintively reaching to touch her lips, before nodding, "Yeah, I forgot...you're late today."  eyes meeting his once more, as he gave her an apologetic smile and nodded. Never had she been able to look at him up close, sure she had seen him work before, thats how she started to develope these feelings. The way he'd be so focused, his sharp gaze to the way the tip of his tongue would peak past his pouty lips, the way his hair would fall over his forehead, caressing his eyebrows-

"I leave for three minutes."

"Oh-"

In an instant the warmth around her was gone, much to her displeasure, he had moved back, hands at his sides, no longer holding her close, much to his own displeasure.

"Morning" Wooyoung cleared his throat, before taking a sip of his coffee, eyes on the man who was staring back at him. To her, it looked like a gentle stare, but Wooyoung could see the swirling emotions behind his dark orbs, the anger, the jealousy- oh he was going to have so much fun with this.

Clearing her throat, she turned to Wooyoung, "What are you doing here?" who smiled at her, one that anyone who didn't know him would feel was the most honest smile one could see, but she knew better. He was up to no good, as he walked up to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, pulling hercloser, "Didn't we see you yesterday?"

San's eyes caught th visible the dicomfort that she displayed for a second, certain gears in his head working quick, fists clenching at his sides- this wasn't his matter, and Jongho had told him to stay away from this stuff or he would kick him out, this was a new start, and he wasn't going to ruin it.

"You did," averting his eyes from her face he eyed Wooyoung, scanning him, he was smaller than him, in stature and build, bet he was quicker than him though- no, he wasn't supposed to be thinking like this anymore.

"San...right?" her words catching him off guard, inhaling sharply he turned back to her with a smile, "Nodding, yes, San, Choi San." Noting how her she was mimicking a smile of her own, eyes swirling with untold stories, ones he'd love to hear, all the time.

"Wooyoung" he brought his hand forward, somewhat coming infront of her, much to San's displeasure, but he shook his hand nontheless, with a fake smile, before catching her eyes again, his fake smiling morphing into his dimpled one.

"Will you be coming in today?" he asked them, "Give me a minute I just have to open up-"

"N-no its okay, we were just passing by!" she cut him off, before looking at how the two idiots were still gripping onto each other's hands. Wooyoung was going to be the death of her.

Turning his head to look at her he nodded in understanding before he felt the idiot squeeze his hand,  only sparing  him a glance then looking at their clasped hands, an awkward silence settling between the three.

"Umm..."

"Wooyoung."

With a firm nod he let go, smirking at the way the bigger male wiped his palm with his pants, trying to be oh so discreet about it.

"Good grip" was all he said before moving to Y/N, "Let's go, love." walking ahead as she sighed, wanting to smack him so hard right now. Turning to San she bowed politely, "I apologise, he can be a handful sometimes, it was nice seeing you."

She was almost a good foot away before he called out, "WAIT!" causing her to freeze in spot, whipping her head around to stare at him all doe-eyed, his heart hammering against his ribcage, demanding to leave with her, "I didn't catch your name..."

"That's because you never asked me, silly." chuckling at his curiosity veiled with his shy demeanour, "It's Y/N."

With that she was gone, running after the a**hole, according to San, who had noticed how he was making her uncomfortable by the passing minute. A part of him wanted to go and give him a good piece of his mind, but he knew not to, he had promised Jongho he wouldn't get into fights anymore, he wouldn't let the world write his story for him.

.

"Having fun?" she hissed, entering his cubicle, noting how  she was ignored. Her source of anger was glued to his desktop, glasses at the tip of his nose, eyebrows scrunched together in concentration. Eyes skimming each word before him.

"Wooyoung I-"

Words pausing at the rude gesture, a finger pointed in the air as if asking her to shut up for a moment. Huffing, she stood there, leaning against the entrance of his cubicle, arms crossed as she looked around waiting for him to finish with his dramatics for a good twenty minutes.

"Aaaand done." twirling around in his swivel chair he stared at her, manspreading, "Yes, child."

"SIT PROPERLY!"

"YES MA'AM." fixing his posture in an instance he cleared his throat, sitting cross-legged watching her lean against his desk, eyes frantically darting from her face to the screen.

"Let's go, Love?" quirking a brow she asked, "Are you trying to ensure I have no shot with him?"

"Quite the opposite, stupid one, I'm trying to ensure you do."

"You got a shitty way of showing it."

Clicking his tongue he rolled his chair closer to his desk, smacking her knee, then pointing at th screen, "Look."

Rubbing her knee she stood up, turning to look at the screen, "What- oh my god, you're stalking him- Oh he looks cute her" her words rushing out before she could bite her tongue, earning a high pitched laugh from her friend.

"Stop" whining and covering her face with her hands she peeked through her fingers, watching him scroll through the florist's shop's social media account.

This was the most fun Wooyoung had had since highschool, it had been so long since he'd seen his oh so perfect friend a mess, sputtering nonsense. "My point is, he has no personal account, and this one is recent too, its only for the shop and considering he only has male staff- this other dude - man do all buff people have like this secret club-"

"Your point?"

"Yeah sorry, my point is that he has no lady in his life, so you've got a shot."

"And pretending that we are in a relationship is going to work how?"

"He's shy and you're hopeless at this, someone has to tip the scales and be pushed to make the first move- and we all know how your first moves involve stupidity."

"I regret knowing you for so long."

"Ooooh what are we discussing here?"

The two froze at the third, new voice entering the scene, "But, I feel like people who come in late should be more concered about their work, not Sannie's love life."

"Sannie?" the two squeaked but with different tones, with different intentions.

"Yes, Sannie, San, Choi San, man who is not part of your assignments for the week. Neither of yours." he stated as a matter of fact, slowly nudging Wooyoung's chair out of the way as he moved closer to the screen, "New account, huh..." scrolling down at an inhumane speed he hummed, "So, how's his shop?"

"Nice."

"Average."

"Wooyoung, you've never been there." She sighed at his comment, "It's not average, its very nice, its pretty and colourful."

"Wow, bet saying that would get you in his pants, huh?" Wooyoung mocked, rotating in his swivel chair, smirking at the sight of her tainted cheeks- perhaps he did want to show their boss, that he deserved the raise rather than her, or maybe just embarass her because it was fun, or just both.

Luckily for her Yunho had completely ignored that  statement, instead  turned around to her, "So, you're allergic to pollen and you still go to the shop?"

As embarrassing as it was, it was true, "Yes." mumbling she stared at her shoes, instantly glaring at Wooyoung who had whispered, "Simp".

"Does...he know?" Their boss inquired, before closing the tab and turned to face them completely.

"No! God no, he'd never let me in the shop if he did, I mean he seems like the caring type and-" her words came to a fault at the sight of the two men smirking at each other, cause her to whine and slap Wooyoung's shoulder.

"WHY ME?? HIT HIM TOO!"

"He's our boss."

Huffing she turned to look at Yunho who gave her a gentle smile, "You're  right, he is the caring type, but" his lips quirked downwards, something she noticed instantly,  "He's not s pet project, so is this a little crush or do you actually like him, which brings me to my next question, how could you like someone without even knowing their name?"

"I..."her words hugged the silence that came after, staring at her shoes then at Wooyoung for some help, but he looked at her with the same look her boss was giving her, she did like him, but she didn't know a lot about him either- well technically a while ago she didn't even know his name.  What if this was a meaningless crush? There was no guarantee that he felt the same way either, what if he thought she was some annoying, clingy customer that-

A gentle squeeze of her hand had her look up from the all too interesting floor, only to find Wooyoung standing right before her, giving her a small smile. He raised his hand, watching her flinch but he chuckled, "You're crying silly..." he whispered, the thumb of his free hand stroking her tear stained cheek, watching her let out a shaky sigh.

"I- I wont- I mean I-"

"He didn't mean it like that...he just wants you to be sure of your feelings...I think they were close friends." Smiling at her he made her sit down on his chair, "Don't worry, I get it, I've never seen my demon sent to me straight from hell cry for a guy, so you must really like him, we just gotta figure out a way for you to get to talk to each other without chickening out, yeah?"

She nodded only to look at the person who cleared their throat, Yunho, standing there awkwardly, "I uh...I was only kidding, I didn't doubt your intentions....but damn...who knew I'd see the employee of the month, the holder of Woo's reigns, end up crying all because of Sannie-"

"I hate you." She hissed, grabbing a tissue box and flinging it at him, only for Wooyoung to catch it mid air, "Holder of my reigns?" He turned to Yunho who shrugged, "It's a name that stuck, most of us did think you two were an item" the taller man shrugged before looking at her sitting there in self-doubt, making him feel worse, "I, I think Wooyoung should go on with his jealousy plan, if Sannie didn't have the slightest crush on you, he wouldn't have smiled at you like how Jongho told me he did."

"You spoke to Jongho about this?"

"Yeah, well he did talk about the way San was distracted at the gym thanks to your skirt-"

"Jongho also said get back to work and not waste the first half of the day playing matchmaker."

The three froze at the new tone, slowly turning to find the bear like man standing there with his arms crossed, shaking his head, "I'll count till ten"

"Oh I'll win because I'm already at my desk." Wooyoung smirked earning an eyeroll from Yunho and scoff from her, watching the two walk out as he stared at Jongho who was glaring back at him, "Is she serious about him? He's been through enough as it is, it took us some time to bring him back on track."

"She is. I- its actually the first time I've seen her act this way, the real question is, is your boy fixed enough to treat her right?"

"Guess that's something you'll have to check for yourself....you are her...boyfriend after all, even if a fake one." With that Jongho left the cubicle, leaving Wooyoung alone with his thoughts, on one hand he was debating whether this interference was worth their time, but then again, he was right, he'd never seen her like this, not when he had confessed to her back in highschool and she had politely declined his offer, or when that guy in college asked her put publically- well, technically she had put him back in his place there and then and Wooyoung thanked God that he had the bestfriend privilege back in highschool too because if this is what she'd do to someone who tried to pressurise her due to the public presence even if she did once say this guy was cute- he'd hate to see how she'd deal with someone she disliked.

So, there were two questions that bothered him, was the flowerboy fixed enough to handle her? And did she now possesses the gentleness to handle delicate flowers?

Taglist: @edenesth @yessa-vie @marsvillee @spooo00oky @the-kpop-simp @mlysalt

[luvyeni]

HIII!! You are my favorite tumblr writer right now I love your works and read all of them. I haven't seen alot of bangchan works so I wanted to request a bangchan smut (please don't judge for the kinks) with some spitting hair pulling corruption and praise (if that makes sense😭) I don't see a lot of shy reader so can you please and that the rest is up too you!

Btw do this is you are comfortable and remember to drink and eat today<3 :)

CURIOUS; BANG CHAN

pairings. boyfriend!chan x fem!reader

wc. 0.9k

warnings. corruption kink, hair pulling, spitting kink, oral (f. reader), unprotected sex, breeding kink, praise kink

thank you so much for reading my works , im so glad you like them <3 i hope you like this , i tried to add everything you wanted 💓!

chan finds something interesting on his computer and he confronts you on it.

—

"does my pretty baby have secret she wants to share , has she been trying to explore?" chan held his laptop in his hand , sitting down next to your body which was laying down. "huh?" you tilted your head to the side , confused.

"what do you mean?" he smirked , showing you the computer , you sat up on your elbows reading it , and your blood ran cold, all the evidence from your earlier "research" staring right back at you. "naughty baby , what are you doing searching these kinds of things?"

you were curious , you didn't know much about sex , only from what chan was teaching you , but your friends were talking about different kinks that they've explored , and you hadn't heard of them , so you searched them up , regretting it now because you forgot to clear the history. "why are you so quite baby?"

your face was hot , you were too shy to voice things like this to chan , so you often let him guide you. "i..i w..was curious, my friends were talking about it , and i..i wanted to know what it was." you played with your fingers.

"and why didn't you come to me love , i would've told you." he put the laptop down , you frowned , feeling bad. "i..im sorry, i just wanted to figure it out myself." he brought his hand up to your cheek caressing it. "you don't need to do that okay, i'm here okay." you nodded , and he smiled kissing you , bit when he pulled away , his eyes were sharper , his pupils filled with lust.

"my naughty baby , i saw you have some favorites." his hand that was caressing your cheek , made it's way to your hair , tangling his fingers , tugging on it , you moaned , and he smiled. "you like that don't you?" you shyly nodded , biting your lip, chan groaned as his cock jumped in his shorts.

"fuck princess , you can't act all cute and shy while admitting you like it when i pull your hair." he roughly kissed you , pulling away , chuckling when you cutely chased his lips with a whine.

he climbed off the bed, taking his clothes off "be a good girl and get on your knees , ass in the air baby." you complied , he bent down flipping up your skirt , not to his surprise, you weren't wearing any panties.

"my naughty girl knows what i like , knows that i want her to be ready for me at all times ." he pushed his thumb against you soaking hole. "so wet." and what he did next had you about to cum untouched , he spit directly on your cunt. "c..chan." you moaned , you couldn't even cover your face , because you were supporting yourself up.

"you like that, when i spit on your cunt?" he used his fingers to spread the spit around your hole, pushing them into you. "look how wet your pussy has gotten just from me spitting on it, your soaking my fingers." he spat on it again , repeating his actions , thrusting his fingers in and out of you. "my baby has a spit kink too." he picked up his pace.

"chan f..fuck! " you moaned as he spreaded your folds, spitting directly on your hole, before diving right in , eating your cunt like a mad man. "c..chan o..oh my god!" you gave up trying to hold yourself up, your face hitting the pillow as he continued the assult on your cunt. "c..chan i..im gonna cum." you squealed as he hummed in approval.

"f..fuck!" you came all over his mouth. "fuck baby you made such a mess." his lips were glossed from spit and your cum. "gonna let me fuck this pretty pussy now , right?" you nodded and he sat on his knees , pushing his leaking cock against your ass , you wiggled your hip impatiently. "look at you princess , so ready for my cock." he pushed himself all the way in , sighing against your shoulders. "you feel so good." he kissed behind your earlobe.

he straightened his body , pulling out , fucking back into you. "so tight." he began to move. "like your pussy was made for me." his hips snapped against yours , reaching for your hair pulling it. "chan , fuck! f..feels s..so g..good!" you screamed , he groaned.

"mmh , fuck baby , you feel full?" you screamed yes , he pulled you up against his chest by your hair , you yelped as he forced your head back , kissing your lips. "open." you slowly opened your mouth , curious about what he was about to do. he gathered all the spit in his mouth , spitting into yours.

"good girl , now swallow." you swallowed , eyes rolling to the back of your head at the lewd action. he smirked pushing your face back against the pillow. "look at you , all fucked out. you gonna cum?" you were a drooling mess , weakly nodding. "go a head , cream my cock." he reached in front of you , rubbing your clit , your jaw falling slack as you came.

"t...there -shit- there you go, good girl." his knocked his head back as his abs began to flex, he fucked into your body a few more times , before cumming inside. "s..shit."

he pulled out watching the cum leak out of you. "you did so well." he turned you on your back. "did you like it?" you nodded. "i did." you were heavy breathing. "good, im glad you did." he helped you clean up , putting his shirt on your body.

"next time you're curious about anything baby let me know, okay?" you nodded. "i will."

"good i want to know every dirty thought that my precious angel is having in that pretty little head of hers"

©️LUVYENI

[peterparkersnose]

Give In

pairing: Joel Miller x reader

word count: 2.3k

warnings: suicidal thoughts, pining possibly one sided, ANGST (just a large angst piece, i wanted some joel angst so I made it), description of depression, emotional dependency on a person, arguing, fluff sprinkled in, implied age gap not specified, reference to pregnancy, mentions of substance and alcohol abuse, joel is lowkey toxic and uses reader

a/n hi loves I wrote this after the first episode aired, so if anything contradicts anything in the future in this story that is why. also, i didnt know how to end it so im sorry if the ending is a bit choppy. happy last of us sunday!

summary Y/N has feelings for Joel that she can’t control anymore

Part 2 here

masterlist

join the tag list

read time: 8 min 33 seconds

The harsh chill of the autumn afternoon swept your hair off your shoulders. The ration line was as long as ever, but seemed to be moving quickly. A stray dog barked as others murmured on the street. Staring down at your boots, you bit at your chapped lips.

“You’ve been avoiding me,”

His voice sent chills up your spine. He was behind you, must have slipped in line without the other person noticing. Of course now was the time he decided to confront you. And he wasn’t wrong.

Straightening your back, you turn towards him.

“Have I?” you asked, raising your eyebrows slightly. The line moved forward and so did you.

“Tess said you weren’t feeling well.”

She was partially right. It was the blatant lie you were telling the very few who were close to you. You were physically fine.

“I’m fine, Joel.” you said promptly, turning a cold shoulder to the older man.

“If you need any meds or anything…” he began. You knew Joel had anything you needed. Quite literally.

“Next!” The FEDRA soldier called, motioning for you to get in the final line. You gave Joel a tight lipped smile before disappearing in the crowd.

Back at your sad excuse for an apartment, you poked your fork at your stale meal. You tried to think about todays’s job but the thought of Joel Miller consumed you.

How his hands felt on your skin, how soft his hair could be, how much he respected you in private. Flashbacks of previous nights where he had snuck over and stayed with you burned in your brain.

You never thought the hookup would turn in to feelings. Especially in this world. Feelings you were sure he wouldn’t reciprocate. Joel wasn’t a very emotionally available man. And he had Tess- rumors of them being together had been going on for years. Sure, they deny it. But you see the way he looks at her sometimes. His eyes burn with the lust you want from him, but there staring at her.

Tess was friendly and all, you got along quite well with her in fact. Jobs worked with Tess usually went better than others. But the knowledge that she goes home to him every night almost ate you alive. You felt used every time you would watch her turn the alleyway to their apartment.

Roommates my ass.

It had been over a month since the last time you saw Joel.

He was right, you were avoiding him. Taking the jobs you knew he wouldn’t dare go by such as childcare. Taking a different route home to avoid any run ins. Leaving your lights off and sitting in the dark to possibly deter him away from your place. All your little queues worked.

And the pain grew day by day.

You layed in your mattress with your face buried in your pillow. It stopped smelling like him weeks ago, but you liked to pretend it still did.

You couldn’t live like this anymore.

Pills weren’t numbing enough. Alcohol wasn’t as fun as it used to be. The constant state of depression in this damned district was enough to make you want to end it.

But seeing him across the alleyway talking to a group of people or in the line for rations was enough to keep that tiny spark lit inside of you.

There wasn’t much else to look forward to in this world besides others. Living the same day your whole life is miserable without your spark of joy in it.

Sleep was close, you could feel it. Your thin blankets were just cutting it for the night. As the dreams began to dance in your head, you were awoken by a quiet knock on your door.

“For fucks sake,” you groaned, flipping over in bed. You ignored the knocks. They became more persistent.

The old doorknob then dropped to the floor, startling you awake. You didn’t even have to guess who it was. The door slowly creaked open as you heard him curse to himself.

“I’ll fix it later,” he sighed, picking it off your floor and placing it on your countertop. He pushed one of your folding chairs next to your table up against the door to keep it sturdy.

“So your just breaking into apartments now?” you snapped, sitting up right in bed. “I needed to see you.” he protested.

“I never knew Joel Miller to need anything.”

He sighed and rested against your countertop. “I need to know,”

“Know what?” you asked, wrapping a blanket around your exposed shoulders. A tank top wasn’t ideal to sleep in, in these conditions.

“What’s wrong.” he said bluntly. “I said there’s nothing wrong. What the hell are you doing walking around freely at night?” you yelled, realizing the time was way past midnight. The sounds of soldiers a few floors down outside your apartment began to yell. How did he move past them?

“You sick?” he asked in a more hushed tone, walking towards you. “Respiratory? Head pain? Joints? You pregnant?” he somewhat joked, looking over you in bed.

“Shut up.” you said coldly. “Can you please just go?”

You knew Joel wasn’t a good listener. “What is it?” he said sternly, sitting down next to your body in bed. He grabbed your wrist ever so slightly. Your pulse was shaking in his grasp.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

You looked at the other side of your apartment, out the window. Rain had began to slowly plague the window. Ignoring Joel’s touch, you watched as the few drops raced to the bottom of the window.

“After everything I’ve done for you?” Joel sighed, not letting go of you.

“Stop, please. J-just stop talking to me.” you said, lying through your teeth. He could sense the pain hiding behind those eyes. “I’m not leaving.” he protested.

“Look at me.”

You turned to face him. His eyes were locked on yours. A genuine worried look was on his face. He looked softer, nothing like you had ever seen before.

It was almost as if someone asked you if you were okay when you were very obviously not. Silent tears rolled down your face as you tried to catch your breathe.

The man who you couldn’t love was staring in to your soul. There was no way you ever could love him. He was too mean, too stern, too old, too angry for you. The two of you were polar opposites. But as the saying goes, ‘opposites attract’.

Joel was unsure on what to do. Tess never cried. Hell, you never cried. He racked his brain for something, just something to soothe you.

He offered out a hand. Against your better judgement you took it. Connecting his other hand to your cheek, he tried to wipe away the streak of tears silently leaving your eyes. He held you tightly in your bed, stroking your hair as your head quickly made contact with the crook of his neck.

“I wish I didn’t have these feelings,” you cried into his embrace. Joel was confused on what you were getting at, but he ignored it. He tried to shush you in a soothing way.

“No, please. I wish I didn’t have these feelings… but I do.”

Joel froze. “What?” he asked, holding you in place.

You pulled back and looked at him. It felt like the first time over again. “Look at me and tell me you don’t feel a thing.” you hiccupped.

“I…” Joel sighed, closing his eyes for a moment and letting a breathe of air go.

“Say it.” you demanded.

The silence in the room was deafening.

“I can’t.” Joel said quickly. He looked down at his knees on your mattress.

“I think you should go.” you sighed, laying back on your side and facing the opposite wall.

He listened. Finally, Joel caught a hint. The sound of him walking away made you long for him more than ever. But it was good. The feeling of him leaving, knowing you were right. Joel Miller wasn’t a man who could love. At least not anymore.

Your sudden pride stopped when you heard his boots thud against the floor. Then the all familiar zip of his jeans followed by the hit of him placing them on your wooden chair next to your bed.

He rested a hand on your thigh as he peeled up the blanket that was stuck to your legs. Slowly, he moved down next to you in the tiny space you were leaving him.

“You don’t listen.” you huffed, still not giving him enough space on the bed.

“When do I ever?” he chuckled, wrapping his arm around your waist.

Fuck it. You gave in.

You allowed his arm to move closer to the underside of your breasts. Scooting over in bed, you gave him more space for his legs to entwine with you. His boxer’s material rubbed against the back of your thigh. It smelt like him; Wet grass and expired generic soap scent had never smelt better.

Sleep kindly greeted you once you felt his breathing slow. Trying to match his, you fell into the deep sleep you had been yearning for, for what seemed like weeks.

-

The absence in the morning was startling.

You struggled to move, hoping that the previous night was just a horrifying dream. A sigh escaped from your lips when you saw his boots sitting against the wall where he placed them last night.

The clanking sound of tools made you turn. On the other side of your small studio apartment, there he sat at your doorframe attempting to fix your door handle.

The overcast sky stayed, but you could tell it was early morning by the chatter outside.

“Shit!” Joel hissed, grabbing his finger in pain. “Damn fucking…”

He looked up and noticed you watching him.

“You alright?” you asked, watching him in amusement as he attempted to fix your door.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, sucking the tip of his finger. “Haven’t fixed a door in a good twenty years.” he muttered, wiping off the excess blood on his already dirtied jeans.

“Go back to bed, It’s still early.” he suggested, going through the tiny tool kit he had given you as a previous gift.

“This is more entertaining than sleep,” you chuckled, placing your feet on the cold ground and getting out of bed. “You want any breakfast? I don’t know if I have anything good here but…”

“Nah. Tess’l be expecting me.”

The sheer thought of Tess waiting at their home for him was enough to ruin the whole night you had before.

Joel looked up to you after your lack of a response. He noticed the demeanor change in your face. “Everything okay?” he asked, turning back to the doorknob he was almost finished fixing.

“You seem to go sour every time I mention Tess.”

“I wonder why,” you muttered under your breathe, attempting to open a tuna can for breakfast. You tried not to dry heave as the scent of the old fish met your nose. Tuna was never a favorite meal, especially for breakfast. But, it’s all you had.

Joel pretended like he didn’t hear you, but he heard you loud and clear. “We have a run to do today. You understand that, right?”

A bitter ‘mhm’ came from your lips as you shook the prepackaged coffee in your hand before ripping off the seal.

Joel sighed and placed the screw driver down dramatically. Joel’s knees cracked as he got up from his position. “You always gotta fucking act jealous. Don’t you? Ruinin’ a nice morning.”

“Jealous?” you said, raising your voice.

“What the hell do you even want from me?” you scorned, on the brink of tears. He could see through you like glass. You hated to admit it, but he knew you like the back of his hand.

Joel wished he could shout out the answer, but his ego kept it in.

You froze with your back turned to him and set down the brittle coffee mug. “Your always leaving me to go to her…”

“Because we’re business partners, Y/N. Don’t you get it? Don’t you hate livin’ the same damn day over and over again? It’s why I come to see you.”

“Stop,” you whispered, now face to face with him. “Stop yelling. Please, it’s too fucking early to get into that shit.”

“Really? Tell me you don’t loose your mind living the same day, same drama for years!” he yelled. “Always you being jealous. Don’t you ever get sick of it?”

Anger consumed you. Proof that the two of you would never work. He’s just a bitter old man.

“You know I would give anything to leave this damn QZ! To live a normal life, not fucking be here.” you yelled, with a finger now pointed at his face. You were avoiding the original accusation. Jealousy.

“Tell me.” you said, with a quieter but angrier tone. “Am I really just your fuck toy?”

Joel stepped back for a moment, stunned at what you just said. Guilt seemed to wrack his nerves as the realization hit him.

You were in love with him.

“Is that what you think?” he asked, approaching you with a sorrowful more soft look. “What else am I supposed to think? You come here, use me, and leave and go back to her.”

The feeling of letting go of all that emotion felt healing. The sudden aftermath of realizing what you just had accused him of made you feel somewhat guilty.

“No,” he sighed, grabbing your hand. “That- no. Absolutely not Y/N.”

His other hand reached for your chin, and brought your face up to his gaze. You could feel his heat on your skin.

“Understand…” he began to say. “Understand what?” you whispered back. A sly smile came to his lips.

“Give in,” he whispered, dropping your hand and wrapping his around your waist.

You melted into his grasp as he kissed you. Joel hadn’t kissed anyone in years. The hesitation from him only brought out the dominance in you.

As the two of you mutually pulled away, you wanted nothing more as to be back where you were just seconds ago.

“Understand that it’s hard.” he said, still holding you close. “I…”

“I know.” you said, cutting off his words.

You were an anxious, sorrowful over-thinker and he was the bitter, closed off introvert.

“I’ll be back,” he said, with a slighter more chipper tone. “Tonight. We have to get this damn car battery and…”

“Stay safe,”

“I promise.” Joel said. He really did not want to leave you. The thought of the two of you spending today lazily in bed was very tempting.

“But please believe me Y/N when I say, you are and never have been just a ‘fuck toy’.”

He squeezed your hand once more and then dropped it. Silence filled the apartment after he left.

The thought of how you tasted haunted Joel Miller’s mind the whole day.

Part 2

tag list: @dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @samanthacookieone @maddieinnit0 @alexxavicry @scoliobean @avengersfan25

[reidmania]

sharpest tool | s.reid

(chapter five, i know it wont work)

‘I left you here, heard you keep the extra closet empty in case this year, i come back and stay throughout my twenties. What if I won't? How am I supposed to put that gently? And down the road, you will love me until you resent me. Mm, mm, mm, i’ve had the thought, tried to work it out through anxious pacing. what if I'm not, worth the time and breath I know you're saving?’

summary; spencer wasn’t prepared to be confronted by the realism of what he had done, he wasn’t prepared to see that penelope had been hanging out with you.

warnings; mentions of ghosting, spencer’s perspective guys!! this is quite angsty icl, theres no real indication of why he did what he did (unless u can see all my hidden clues) fem reader, like always. if u guys have any assumptions or guesses about WHY spencer did what he did, drop them in my asks, im so curious.

taglist; @gghostwriter @lavonee @guiltyyassin @spencersinonlygf @criminalmindssworld @iknwreid @fortheloveofgubler @yokaimoon @sapphirecobalt-1 @eddiesdrummergf @livvyliv15 @lover-of-books-and-tea @sebastiansstanswhore @bloodredrubyrose @sp3ncelle @nemobee777 @jencole214 @hazzarules @ameerakane20 @lucere @cultish-corner @psyches-reid

2.4k words

SERIES MASTERLIST

The bullpen hummed with its usual rhythm—the tapping of keyboards, the muted sounds of phone calls, the faint rustle of papers. It was a familiar backdrop, something Spencer could usually lose himself in, find comfort in. Today, though, it all felt distant. His fingers hovered over his keyboard, but his mind wasn’t on the profile he was supposed to be writing. It hadn’t been for days. Instead, his thoughts kept drifting back to you.

Two weeks. Fourteen days. Three hundred thirty-six hours, and still, not a single word between the two of you.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He hadn’t planned to cut you off. Everything had been going well, hadn’t it? The late-night phone calls, the texts that made him smile at odd moments during the day, your smile in the morning after he had stayed the night, the way you had slowly become a part of his routine. You were more than just someone he talked to—you were someone he had started to let in, fall in love with.

Spencer hadn’t meant to ghost you. He’d had no intention of leaving things hanging like that. But now, two weeks later, the silence felt like an unbridgeable chasm, and the thought of contacting you filled him with a strange mix of fear and guilt.

"Spence, you good?"

JJ’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. She was standing beside his desk, her phone in hand, a playful smile on her face. For a moment, Spencer blinked up at her, disoriented, as if surfacing from deep underwater.

"Yeah," he said quickly, though the word came out more like a reflex than an actual answer.

JJ’s smile didn’t falter, but there was a glint in her eyes that told him she didn’t believe him. "Well, Penelope sent me something you’ll get a kick out of." She tapped her phone, scrolling for a moment before turning the screen toward him. "Check this out."

It was a photo—a bright, colorful snapshot of a shelf lined with bobbleheads. Not just any bobbleheads. Your bobbleheads.

Spencer’s heart thudded in his chest as he recognized them instantly. There was the Star Wars figurine, the baseball player, the goofy doctor who bobblehead you’d joked reminded you of him. He could practically hear your voice in his mind, laughing as you told him the story behind each one. You’d shown him your collection months ago, one of the first times he came to your house, your face lit up with enthusiasm as you shared that little part of yourself with him, it was when you were both still friends, yet he had noticed the way you had began letting him in to the small things, all the things that made you, you.

But now, it wasn’t you sharing it. It was Penelope.

Spencer’s mind scrambled to piece together how this had happened, why Penelope had this photo. You hadn’t mentioned anything about meeting her, but then again, why would you? Penelope hadn’t said a word to him either. How had she ended up at your place, seeing your collection?

JJ, still smiling, didn’t notice his silence. "Penelope is having a girls night with a friend" she explained, her voice light and teasing. "And apparently, that friend has a whole shrine of these things."

Spencer’s stomach twisted. He hadn’t realized that your world and his had collided so suddenly. He hadn’t prepared for it. And now, here it was, right in front of him. The life he’d stepped away from was continuing without him, and it stung more than he wanted to admit.

"Hey," JJ said, her eyes narrowing slightly as she studied his reaction. "Why do you look like that?"

Spencer’s throat felt tight. He managed a stiff nod, his voice barely above a whisper. "Uh- its... It’s hers." He didn’t need to say a name, the team hadn’t met you, but they knew about you, enough about you.

JJ’s eyes widened in surprise, and she lowered the phone, her playful demeanor fading into something softer, more curious. "Oh… I didn’t realize. Penelope didn’t say who it was."

Spencer glanced away, the weight of her gaze heavy on him. He didn’t want to talk about it. Not now. Not with JJ, and certainly not here, in the middle of the bullpen where the rest of the team could overhear.

"Spence, is everything okay?" JJ’s voice was gentle now, her concern clear. "You’ve been kind of… off lately. Does this have something to do with her?"

Spencer shook his head quickly, trying to brush it off. "No, it’s not that. I’ve just been busy with work. That’s all."

But JJ wasn’t convinced. "You sure? You never really said a word about her since… well, since you started talking to her. But now it feels like something’s changed— you’ve been so weird lately.."

Spencer wanted to mumble about how now there was nothing to smile about any more with the lack of your communication, but he chose against it. This was his doing. Before Spencer could respond, Derek wandered over, holding a coffee in each hand, his usual swagger in full force. He caught the tail end of the conversation, his sharp eyes flicking between JJ and Spencer.

"What’s going on?" Derek asked, handing one of the coffees to JJ and leaning against Spencer’s desk. "You two look serious."

JJ gave a small shrug, but her gaze lingered on Spencer. "Penelope was hanging out with a friend who has this crazy bobblehead collection. Turns out, it’s Spencer’s… friend."

Derek’s eyebrows shot up, his curiosity piqued. "Oh, that friend, huh?" He grinned and elbowed Spencer lightly. "The one you’ve been keeping all hush-hush about?"

Spencer forced a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. "Yeah. That one."

Could he still stay that? You were everything to him, friend sounded like the wrong word to define you, but with what he did, maybe a nothing, would be a better word to define what you were to him.

That felt so much more wrong.

All of this was wrong.

Derek chuckled, but there was a hint of concern beneath his playful tone. "Man, you’ve been acting weird lately. You wanna tell us what’s going on?"

Spencer shifted uncomfortably in his chair. The last thing he wanted was for the team to pry into his personal life, especially now. Especially when he was still grappling with the fallout of his own decision to pull away from you.

"I’m fine," he muttered, his voice a little too flat.

"You don’t look fine," JJ said, her worry deepening. "You can talk to us, you know."

Spencer opened his mouth to respond, but the words stuck in his throat. How could he explain? How could he tell them the real reason he’d ghosted you without giving away too much? The truth was too raw, too personal. It wouldn’t be fair to tell them and not you. He just couldn’t tell you.

But how could he explain that to them? To you? How could he admit that the reason he’d cut you off wasn’t because of anything you’d done, but because of the fear that had wrapped itself around him like a vise, squeezing tighter with every passing day?

"It’s… complicated," Spencer finally said, his voice barely audible.

Derek exchanged a look with JJ, both of them clearly unsatisfied with his vague answer. "Come on, pretty boy," Derek said, leaning in a little closer. "We’ve all got complicated lives. What’s really going on?"

Spencer clenched his jaw, the tension in his chest building. "I can’t talk about it."

JJ’s face softened, her voice lowering. "When was the last time you spoke to her?"

Spencer’s heart skipped a beat, and for a split second, he thought she might know. But she didn’t press further, didn’t push for details. Instead, she just watched him, waiting for him to say something more. He couldn’t answer the question like she wanted him to. He deflected

"I just…" Spencer hesitated, his eyes flicking between JJ and Derek, both of them watching him with quiet concern. "I don’t want to hurt her."

JJ’s expression shifted, a flicker of understanding passing across her face. "You’re not going to hurt her, Spence."

Spencer didn’t respond. He couldn’t. Because the truth was, he was hurting you, he would get you hurt,—whether he wanted to or not. For the record, he really didn’t.

Derek sighed, crossing his arms as he leaned back. "Man, if you care about her, you owe her an explanation. Ghosting someone like that… it’s not fair."

Spencer flinched at the word "ghosting." He hadn’t meant for it to feel like that, but he knew that’s exactly what he had done. He had disappeared, left you hanging with no explanation, no closure. And you deserved better than that.

But how could he reach out now, after two weeks of silence? What could he possibly say that would make up for the way he had just dropped off the map? He knew he had hurt you, broken promises to not only you but to himself.

JJ placed a hand on his arm, her voice soft but firm. "You don’t have to tell us everything, Spence. But you should tell her something. She deserves that."

Spencer swallowed hard, guilt clawing at his chest. He knew JJ was right. He knew he owed you an explanation, something to help you understand why he had pulled away so suddenly. But the thought of opening that door again, of letting you back in… it terrified him.

Because Spencer knew, there was no coming back from the promises he had broken.

[invertedheaven]

If You Really Love Nothing

chapter 7: pink cotton candy

chapter index | next chapter

As you stood over the stove making breakfast, gojo joined you in the kitchen making a cup of coffee for himself you spoke up

“I didn’t get a chance to tell you yesterday but yuji knows about sukuna and I, he confronted me about it”

Gojo glanced at you before stirring way too much sugar into his cup “and airi?”

You shook your head in response so he continued

“How do you feel?”

“I don’t know, more curious as to how he found out but I guess I’m okay… I didn't tell him anything important though” you paused for a moment “he wanted to know why we broke up”

“Yeah, don’t we all” gojo tried to joke, “what did you tell him?”

“I told him I didn’t know, and that it was sukunas doing” you shrugged

Gojo was slightly surprised that you were honest about it with yuji but before he could speak the conversation was interrupted by airi tugging on your pants

“Mommy im hungry”

“I know baby, I’m making breakfast right now” you bent down to pick her up while giving her a kiss on the cheek

“I was thinking… we should go to the winter festival they’re having in the city, they have lots of food y’know” gojo spoke with a mischievous smile knowing if he asked in front of airi, you probably wouldn’t say no

You shoot him a glare because now airi would only want to do that and sure enough she gasped excitedly “Please! Please mommy can we go today?”

“Not today airi, satoru and megumi have work and school” you responded to which airi pouted

Gojo shrugs “we can go after it doesn’t start up until 5 anyways”

Airi turned to look at you with a pout and eyes that could make anyone with a heart cave, you sighed turning your glare back to gojo “fine but you need to ask megumi if he wants to go”

“Done!” Gojo shouted before he took a sip from his coffee, burning his tongue

Airi asks to be put down and as you place her on the ground, megumi walks into the kitchen as well

“Good morning megumi” you smiled at him and he simply nodded back

“We’re going to the winter festival today, you wanna come?” Gojo asked

Megumi looked as if he was gonna say no after all, it was his last week of school so hes been studying for finals including helping yuji study as well, but before he could answer airi ran up to him

“please gumi” she asked but she sounded a bit sad

Megumi hadn’t realized that by having to keep yuji from airi that meant that he was also distancing himself from her and she had no idea why. To airi, megumi used to be around a lot more and he would play tea party or color with her, he’d even brush her dolls hair when she asked. Airi liked satoru too but obviously megumis presence was missed and you’re sad that you hadn’t realized it sooner.

Megumi felt guilty saying no now, seeing how his answer could greatly affect airis mood for the day, “yeah, ill come with” he half smiled

“Are you sure? I know you have finals” you spoke up giving him an apologetic look

“Yeah, it’s fine yuji has plans today too anyways so studying wasn’t gonna last all that long” he shrugged really, he wasn’t too worried about finals for himself

Airi was now beyond excited despite being a picky eater she really hoped there was gonna be desserts, not anything specific all she knows is that she likes sweet stuff. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t looking forward to it too, you’ve missed the quality time of all 4 of you together. You weren’t looking forward to having to bundle airi up in a million jackets because she hates it more than anything.

——

Sukuna walked into the building like he owned the place, ready to finalize the deal with Gojo Sr. A part of him felt annoyed that he didn’t use this time of being close to Gojo, in proximity at least, to find out anything about you. He eyed the receptionist as soon as she came into view, he’d been flirting with her in past visits trying to see if shed be dumb enough to spill anything.

His first visit he tried to get information out of Gojos secretary but she was surprisingly stubborn, telling him if he had any personal inquiries about her or gojo that she wouldn’t answer. The receptionist on the other hand seems persuadable, if not at least for gossip— which he couldn’t believe he’d stooped so low for. Before Sukuna reached her, he really couldn’t remembered her name, gojo greeted her and made some small talk, which annoyed Sukuna greatly at first but he quickly figured he could make this work to his advantage.

“Well, I’ll see you rei!” Gojo said cheerfully while waving, sukuna only caught the tail end of what gojo said but it didn’t matter. The white haired bastard hadnt even noticed sukuna as he walked away from ‘rei’, at least sukuna knows her name now.

Rei was blushing and smiling like a fool at her interaction with gojo that she didnt notice sukuna until he spoke up “your boyfriend?” Her reaction was ridiculous her posture straightened up and she struggled to find words

“Ah sukuna! Its been so long” she smiled at him nerves still on edge, he felt nothing but annoyance looking at her, yeah she was pretty but she wasn’t you “no, thats not my boyfriend, he’s one of my bosses”

Sukuna just continued to stare hoping she’d say more, to his luck she did “I wish” she joked “but every girl is in love with him, plus I think he’s in a relationship, pretty sure they live together”

Not what sukuna wanted to hear at all, not in the slightest but he decided to swallow the anger “really?” He said exaggeratedly acting fake invested

Rei rolled her eyes at him but she laughed and continued “mhm, rumor has it they have a kid too”

sukunas teasing smirk drops and he feels sick but she continued as she focused her eyes on the computer in front of her “but I don’t believe it apparently the kid is in high school, I think gojo is too young to be a dad to a high schooler” she shrugged

Never in sukunas life did he think he’d be so relieved for the existence of gojos brat, of course she was talking about that fushiguro kid. Honestly, had he not been reminded of fushiguros existence thanks to yujis incompetence, he would’ve really thought the rumor was true. Which would’ve faced him with a reality he refused to think about. The most shocking aspect was how little anyone knew of gojos personal life— it seemed like he tried very hard to keep it under wraps

“Thats fascinating” sukuna said sarcastically

Rei laughed “you asked, no need to be rude about it”

That kind of teasing annoyed Sukuna because if it wasn’t you he wouldn’t allow anyone to talk to him like that but if he wants actual answers he might have to play along

“hmmm and how do you know all this?” sukuna teased

“My best friend is his secretary, but it also spreads around the office pretty fast any time theres something new” she typed something before looking at sukuna “I mean I’ve seen a picture of his supposed girlfriend before she’s beautiful but he could do better”

At this sukuna no longer felt like entertaining this woman, because the nerve this girl had to insult you like that made him sick. He doesn’t even know where the defensiveness came from, he owes you nothing but hearing rei slander you, being dead wrong too, struck a nerve. Sukunas smile dropped again and this time she saw it before she could ask what’s wrong sukuna spoke up

“Im done here” his voice having lost his teasing tone and instead replaced with a cold and empty tone that gave her a chill down her spine, completely thrown off by his change of attitude

Rei knew she’d tell Hana about this later, but she ultimately shrugged it off. Sukuna sulked throughout his meeting and felt great annoyance towards you, despite the fact that you did nothing. Not that he wanted to trust office gossip but sukuna was now moving with the idea that you and gojo were in fact together. But what sat in his brain the most was the idea that you could actually have kids with gojo, even if it ended up being megumi that rei was talking about the very idea irked him beyond belief. He didnt particularly want kids, they were gross, loud and annoying truly something he did not want to deal with. Yet the idea that it could be a possibility for you and gojo pissed him off more than he thought it would.

——

Yuji did in fact have plans that he thought were definitely more important than studying for finals— going to the movies. He was going to meet his friend at the theater but didn’t account for the festival that was taking place on the same street as the theater. His friend, junpei, had said he was running late so yuji wasn’t too worried about the crowd he had to work through to get there.

Although, he was tempted to grab something to eat so he slowed down to look at the food options. Each booth looked so good that he was half tempted to ditch the movie and just eat the rest of the night, unfortunately he did not have enough money for that. As he continued walking, he saw a familiar head of white hair peeking from the crowd, his brain immediately thought of gojo because that was the only person with white hair tall enough to tower over people.

As he got closer he instantly recognized fushiguro as well, you were there too but what he noticed was that gojo was holding a kid, that was probably the niece you babysit, right?

“I want that one!” Airi pointed at the pink cotton candy one booth booth was selling

“Okay but I want the blue one” gojo replied

You watched as satoru bought both options anyways and airi looked ecstatic. You were glad airi got distracted by the food because she started to complain about the layers of clothes she was wearing. She hated the beanie and gloves the most, and you had to stop her from trying to take the scarf off even though it was incredibly cold.

"Can I try that" airi asked while pointing at gojos cotton candy

"Baby, you said you wanted the pink one, that's satorus" you reminded her even though you knew he'd give her some anyways you didnt want her to become spoiled

"Only if you say please" gojo smiled

"please" airi pouted and gojo gave her a small piece of his

You rolled your eyes "gojo you cant spoil her y'know"

"its just cotton candy what's the harm"

And before you could argue back airi took another even bigger piece from satorus cotton candy. Which made him look at you with shock, prompting a laugh from you

Megumi oddly enough felt peaceful, it felt like the times before itadori came around and the energy around the house wasn’t so tense. It’s not that the tension came from anything inherently negative, nobody acted any differently, its just a similar feeling to when you get your report card from school and try to hide it from your parents. He was glad he was friends with itadori, but maybe the guilt is getting to him too. Megumi knows itadori tends to be alone a lot, he’ll act like it doesn’t get to him but megumi knows better.

“Do you know what you want?” Your voice cut off megumis thoughts

“Nothing in particular, I’m still looking” megumi shrugged

It was loud, seeing as there were a lot of people around so megumi thought he was imagining when he heard his name being called. Until he noticed you and gojo heard it too— the voice even sounded incredibly familiar. Airi was too busy eating her cotton candy to notice the way you, megumi and gojo looked at each other unsure of what to do next as the voice you all knew belonged to itadori got closer

“Fushiguro! What are you doing here?”

next chapter

[diqnbaus]

Let You Break My Heart Again

Pairing: Miles Morales x spider person reader

Summary: Takes place after ITSV but before ATSV. You and Miles had a plan to meet up but he blows you off so you confront him and you two fight.

Category: Angst

A/N: Yall I’ve never written fanfics before so pls don’t bully me. I also have no clue how to use Tumblr so pray for me.

One hour and fifty-three minutes. You waited one hour and fifty-three minutes for Miles on top of a building, in the cold weather, freezing. Only after that one hour and fifty-three minutes did you realize that he wasn’t coming.

‘What if something happened? What if the police scanner hadn’t picked up there was an accident yet? What if he’s hurt?’ You thought to yourself while pacing the roof.

You then decided the best option was to literally swing by his house and check on him.

Climbing over to his window, you peeked inside quickly to make sure it was clear to get a full look. But when you did, you saw Miles at his desk drawing in his notebook with his headphones on.

He caught the movement from the window and jumped when he saw you.

“God y/n, you scared me,” he said while opening his window to let you in.

“I scared you? Miles, I waited almost two hours for you. I thought something bad happened,” you all but yell, while taking your mask off and slipping into his room.

“Shit. Y/n Im so sorry. It totally slipped my mind.”

“I reminded you twice today at school.”

“I know and I’m sorry, I’ve just had a lot on my mind,” Miles explains while walking over to his bed and sitting.

“Like what? What were you doing that made you completely forget about me?” You ask, annoyed.

“I didn’t realize I had to tell you everything about my life now.”

“Miles. What where you doing?”

“..Drawing,” he says sheepishly, like he knows he’s been caught.

You decide not to respond, instead walking over to his notebook he had been working on and picking it up.

“Hey! Wait-“ He gets up and yells as he tries to get the book from you, but you interrupt him by putting a hand up.

Your heart drops into your stomach at the drawings inside. It’s all Gwen. You swallow the lump in your throat before speaking.

“I’m sorry that I’m not her.”

“This isn’t about Gwen, y/n.”

“Of course it’s about Gwen! Everything with you is about Gwen. You’re so goddamn obsessed with her that you can’t even spare me a text to tell me you’re blowing me off!”

“That’s not true! I swear, I just forgot. This has nothing to do with her. I was just-“

“Oh yeah, I remember now. You forgot because you were too busy drawing Gwen! God, she’s even all you draw,” you flip to another page of his notebook “Gwen,” another page, “Gwen.” More pages, “Gwen, Gwen, you and Gwen, Gwen, Gwen!” You yell flipping through the pages before giving up and shutting the book.

“What about me?” You ask, barely above a whisper.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you cared about being drawn so much,” Miles scoffs.

“Miles this isn’t about the drawings!” You shout.

“Then what is it about?!”

“It’s because-“ you cut yourself off. ‘It’s because I like you. Like-like you and you’re obsessed with Gwen the way I wish you were obsessed with me,’ is what you wish you could say.

Instead you look at him. He looks back, like he’s waiting for you to say something. Like he knows what you’re thinking and is just waiting for you to say it.

You sigh and put your mask back on while walking towards the window, “You’re right Miles. I’ll try not to care so much anymore.”

Slipping out the window and swinging away, you faintly hear Miles calling out to you, but you didn’t feel like talking anymore. The lump in your throat felt like it was drowning you and the headache from the unshed-tears felt like it could kill you.

Another a/n: I love Gwen I swear please forgive me.

[eresia-catara]

i sent a similar ask to girldante cause this is definitely something very important that needs to be addressed, but i found out only today that guido died in 1300 (and also that dante himself was responsible for his exile?? why isn't this common knowledge help) and so this made me think really hard about how the choice of 1300 isn't casual at all like, nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita un par de bale it's just a whole ruse to avoid having to "talk" (at least in the poetic sense) to guido or face his own emotions, cause what a fucking heavy reunion that would have been. which only begs the question of what cantica would he have put him IF.......... also im sure you and the rest of the cavalghieri squad examined the matter quite deeply but i never did guido in school and only now have i actually started looking into him mostly out of curiosity so there's that

Oh there arw many thoughts to be thought here.

So when Dante started writing the Commedia (yes we don't know the precise period in which he started writing it etc etc, not the point here), Guido had already died, years ago, but the Commedia itself is set around march/april 1300, so Guido, who died at the end of august, was still technically alive. This makes it impossible for Dante to put him amongst the dead (although he did that with popes, so not fully impossible), but it doesn't mean he can ignore him.

I think my blog already talks extensively of the haunting presence of Guido in Dante's works, especially the Commedia lmao help but essentially we can sum it up this way: Dante explicitly talks about him in the Commedia twice, in Inferno X and Purgatorio XI, and only briefly; for the rest he's apparently set on ignoring him BUT if we look even just slightly more closely it becomes blatant that there's a constant confrontation with what Guido stated in his poems (for example Inferno V, to name the most obvious one), and possibly their friendship through the character of Virgil (the disappearence of Virgil in Purgatorio, but also the episode of violence with the wrathfuls?). So it would seem Guido was a constant thought in the background of Dante's mind, but at the same time he desperately wanted to take his distance from him. The result is that Guido's name is treated like something that can only be spoken in hushed tones.

It seems reasonable to think that setting the Commedia right before Guido's death falls into this picture (of course it's not the only reason why he chose that date, though). Dante elaborates a judgement of everyone, going from political figures to friends, to family, people who are still alive, etc... Guido had been a friend, his first friend (in the sense of importance), and was "still alive". But Dante refuses to place him somewhere. The closest he gets to doing so is in Inferno X where he speaks to his father and when Cavalcante asks where his son is ("why isn't he with you?") Dante is hesitant to answer and then says that Guido was not allowed to come with because "maybe" he "disdained" someone. Critics have absolutely no idea who this someone is. But this "maybe" and the elusiveness of the whole statement are key: Dante is unsure. He doesn't pronounce himself on Guido's fate. We can presume that he's alluding to Guido's lack of faith, so technically we can think that if Guido got damned, he would've ended up amongst the heretics, and interpret Cavalcante's damnation as mirror and anticipation of the son's. But at the same time his presence is so heavy in all the rest of the Commedia that one can argue anything about Dante's judgement of him. It wouldn't be difficult to argue that he'd end up amongst the lustfuls, or the wrathfuls, or in Purgatory, etc... Briefly put, we can't pronounce ourselves with certainty on this matter, but we have a lot of material to make hypotheses with the knowledge that we can't confirm any of them.

Finally, yes the cavalghieri squad has poured its minds over this collective brainrot, but I'm having difficulty finding the relative posts... I will try to sort this out, sorry!

Thank you for the ask >3

[deityoftherain]

(not) just a costume - Sapphic/Yuri Jizzie

Rating: Teen

Relationship: F/F

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Status: Completed Oneshot

Word Count: 3,549

Summary: Joel planned to dress up as Heather Duke for Halloween with his fellow Bad Boys, so he committed and bought everything he needed for it, including the wig. He had expected it to just be a silly costume, but, when he tried the wig on, things sort of just start to... click. She started off confused and in denial, but, slowly but surely, she started to realize that it maybe it was never "just a costume".

Full fanfic underneath the cut! Please reblog, leave kudos on the AO3 fic slash notes/likes here on Tumblr, comment either place, and etc if you enjoy the story :D

It was just something stupid for Halloween. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything! Not anything like this. It was just a stupid wig and a stupid plaid skirt. It was just a costume! That was it!

But it wasn’t “just a costume”...

Not to him.

Joel stared at himself in the mirror, having just put on the long, brown wig he had bought to complete the outfit for his Heather Duke costume. It had come in the mail today, and he expected to put it on and laugh at how rubbish he looked like with it on, but that didn’t happen.

He… enjoyed it?

Now Joel would be the first to claim that he was sexy, hot, and extremely handsome, but his ego wasn’t that big. He certainly had one, and he was rather competitive, hot-headed, and aggressive at times, but that was partly a front. Joel was generally confident in himself, sure, but he wasn’t that vain. It wasn’t like him to stare at himself in the mirror, seemingly entranced with himself, but here he was, doing just that.

Staring.

Staring at himself in a beautiful, long wig and a short, black plaid skirt he had borrowed off of Lizzie.

What the hell am I doing?

Joel was unsure of how long he stared at himself and he didn’t really want to find out, because that would mean he had to confront himself on the reason he was staring. Luckily, the trance was broken as his phone dinged, alerting him of notifications. He had assumed it was something sort of unnecessary like a mobile game notification begging for him to come back to their app (he should turn those off), and he was only half wrong.

His phone lit up as it detected his face, displaying the mobile game wanting his attention, but also the icon used for his phone’s messaging app. He swiped away the mobile game notification  before tapping the screen to open his messages. In hindsight, Joel wasn’t that surprised that it was his fellow Bad Boys who were blowing up his phone. He tended to just hang out in person with most people over texting them, so he only received consistent messages from Jimmy, Grian, and Lizzie. Every few months, he and Scar would text for hours before promptly forgetting about each other's existence for a while, and then repeating the process.

Jimmy: wait which heather am i again

Grian: tim

Grian: really?

Jimmy: theyre all named “heatehr!!”

Jimmy: how am i supposed to keep them all straight

Grian: youre mcnamara

Grian: im chandler

Grian: joels duke

Joel rolled his eyes at the messages. They’ve only told Jimmy the characters’ last names a million times. He scoffed, muttering under his breath affectionately, “Dumbass.”

The Bad Boys, as they called themselves, had gone with this theme for Halloween mostly for the bit. Scott, Martyn, and Ren had talked about going as Mean Girls, which was some musical or movie or whatever that they all liked, for some weird throuple costume. From what he knew, Regina George, Gretchen Wieners, and Karen Smith (don’t ask why he knew their first and last names) didn’t typically scream “We’re all dating, by the way!”, but what did he care? To be honest here, it’ll be fucking hilarious to see people’s reactions when Reginia George starts flirting with Karen and making out with Gretchen. 

Either way, what those three did for their costumes didn't matter. What actually mattered was that someone (he couldn’t recall who) pointed out that The Bad Boys’ signature colors lined up with the main three from Heathers, and they, for some reason, committed to it.

Joel had to admit, he liked the idea. It seemed fun and he’s always adored matching costumes more than he would usually admit. Plus, Joel was confident enough in himself to put on a girl’s costume for a few hours. It wasn’t like he was some insecure child who couldn’t fathom breaking gender roles.

He just hadn’t expected it to feel this… good?

Joel shook the thought away, the false hair of the wig getting in his face. He tucked some of it behind his ear, but didn’t otherwise bother with it. The thought of just, ya know, taking the wig off never crossed his mind.

Joel: jim you’re the yellow one

Jimmy: ok thx babe

Grian: ???

Joel: np babe :)

Joel clicked off his phone and slid it into the pocket of the skirt because, yes, the skirt had pockets! He was actually extremely pleased that it did, having known that womens’ clothing was usually lacking in that department. He had heard Lizzie complain about it enough to have gone on several rants himself about how blummin’ idiotic it all was. Honestly, he probably cared about it more than he should.

“Joel!” Lizzie called loudly from another room, voice echoing through the halls. “Get over here! I slaved over this bloody difficult meal of boxed mac and cheese for ten thousand minutes, and you’re making me eat it all by myself!” He couldn’t help but chuckle at his wife’s dramatics, but he wasn’t foolish enough to keep her waiting. He changed out of the skirt– he forgot to take his phone out and would have left it there if he didn’t hear its weight hit against the floor when he tossed the garment– and threw on the pants he had on previously before exiting out of their shared room. He headed down the hallway towards the kitchen, not that it took long. They lived in a one bedroom apartment in a city and Joel could make long strides because he was quite tall, despite what his friends joked about.

…Fine, he was more average height, but he was still taller than Lizzie! And Grian! Not Jimmy, but two out of three wasn’t bad! That had to count for something!

Lizzie eyed him curiously as he entered, head tilted to the side as it rested on her hands. She idly kicked her feet under the dining table, already set for two to eat. Each spot had a bowl of mac and cheese, a fork, and a glass of water. Within the mac and cheese were little slices of microwavable sausage links that Lizzie frequently opted to stir in, claiming it upgraded mac and cheese to a high-class meal. Joel wasn’t about to disagree, quite enjoying the meal even though it was considered undesirable by some.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Joel asked, furrowing his eyebrows as he pulled the chair out and sat down.

“No reason,” Lizzie claimed, picking up her fork and stabbing some noodles onto it. She gathered more noddles than she should onto the prongs and shoved it in her mouth. Joel raised an eyebrow, non verbally communicating “Really?” and Lizzie just pointed to her stuffed mouth like it was an acceptable excuse.

Joel decided to drop the topic and focus on his dinner. He and Lizzie shifted the topic of conversation into chatter about what they had accomplished that day. At least, they did once Lizzie managed to get down the insane amount of noodles she had insisted on shoving (for some reason) into her mouth. They were almost finished when Lizzie inquired, “Have you ever thought about growing out your hair?”

“I mean, sometimes?” Joel blinked at her, face contorting with confusion. What brought that question on? “I’ve never thought too much of it, to be honest. Mum always kept my hair short, so that’s just what I’ve kept up. I added the green dye for fun, but that’s the most extreme change I’ve done with it. I suppose I’ve never been too into what my hair is up to. Why do you ask?”

“Well,” Lizzie clicked her tongue as her eyes wandered his body from the top of his head down to about his chest area, “you’ve been wearing a wig this whole time and you haven’t said a word about it.” “I am?” Now that she mentioned it, it was astonishing how he hadn’t picked it up before. Afterall, the wig reached halfway down his back while his natural hair was much, much shorter. Joel placed a hand against his head before combing his fingers through the false locks. “I must not have noticed. It’s for my Heather Duke costume I’m doing with Jim and Grian.”

“Huh.” Lizzie smiled at him knowingly, which was strange because Joel couldn’t comprehend why or how his actions sparked recognition in her. “Well, I think you look nice in it. If you want to wear it more often, you should.” A sense of pride overcame him at Lizzie’s compliment, though he wasn’t completely sure why. It wasn’t like the wig was actually his hair, nor was it like Lizzie didn’t compliment him sufficiently enough on a regular basis. “To get used to it for the costume?”

“Sure, it can be for that.” Lizzie shrugged as if the reason (excuse?) he gave didn’t really matter. She twiddled with the fork between her fingers. “Say, Joel, I had planned to go out and have a girls’ day out with Cleo tomorrow, but they had to cancel because their autoimmune issues are acting up really bad. We changed plans to go out after she was discharged from the hospital, and that’s still the plan, but I hadn’t canceled our appointments to get our nails done yet. Do you want to go with me if I decide to keep our time slot? Since we’re out there, we can make a whole day of it! I know that I’m running low on eyeshadow and my favorite makeup shop is in that plaza, and there is that game store you get all big eyed at.”

Joel glanced down at his hands, large and scarred on the knuckles from when he had gotten into far too many fights as a kid. That was from before he learned to control his temper and frustrations, letting it get the best of him. He liked to think he had more emotional control and intelligence nowadays.

His hands weren’t dainty little things, but that didn’t matter. Some gloss on the nails paired with the shimmering of his wedding band would look rather lovely, even on hands like his. Perhaps he and Lizzie could match, or maybe he’ll just go with green. He has always liked that color.

“Alright,” Joel agreed, raising his gaze up to meet Lizzie’s. “What time are we leaving?”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷’

Joel didn’t dress all too differently as he usually did. He put on some black jeans with rips at the knees, a dark green muscle shirt, and his wallet attached to a chain hooked on his pants. It added to the look and prevented pick-pockets from stealing from him easily. What was abnormal was that Joel had taken Lizzie up on wearing the wig out.

Taking it off before bed last night had been… he didn’t want to say wrong, but he wasn’t sure what other word to use. Strange might've been the best adjective, but he didn’t understand why it was strange. He had only had short hair his whole life, after all! And it wasn’t like the short hair bothered him! He just found himself preferring it longer? Ugh, it made no sense.

Nerves started to worm their way into his mind about wearing a wig out of the apartment. He wasn’t worried about it not looking good because he looked insanely sexy, wig or not, thank you, but because… well, he wasn’t actually sure. Why was he afraid? It was just some fake hair!

Joel fixed his posture, puffing out his chest and narrowing his eyes into slits. There was no reason to be nervous! That sort of emotion was below him. He was Joel, for fuck’s sake! If he wanted to wear a wig to go out with his wife and do stereotypical girly stuff, he would! Who cared?

“Who knew my husband could have better hair than me?” Lizzie teased, poking his shoulder blade. “If you look this great with a wig, imagine growing out your natural hair.”

“You overestimated my haircare skills,” Joel chose not to acknowledge the compliment as he turned around to face her, “and how absolutely stunning you are.”

And stunning she was! Joel may be biased, but Lizzie was always stunning, even if she had bedhead or was snot-nosed sick. No one was quite like his wife, and he had her all to himself.

Lizzie had her dyed bubblegum pink hair half twisted into space buns and half down. She wore a halter top that covered her front, but left her back exposed. She had bought several different designs after her back tattoo finished healing so she could show it off. To be fair, the tattoo was gorgeous and well-done, designed to look like she had fairy wings.

Joel whistled lowly, pulling her toward him until they made contact. She rocked forward onto her tiptoes, laying her arms over his shoulders, eyes sparkling mischievously as she playfully accused, “Flatterer.” “Am I a flatterer if it’s true?” Joel inquired rhetorically, allowing her to pull him down by his neck. Their lips met, exchanging a few easy kisses. Her lipstick mildly dyed his lips, but he hadn’t noticed until after they broke and Lizzie giggled. “What is it?” “Some of my lipstick didn’t transfer where it was supposed to.” Lizzie licked her finger and used it to wipe away the lipstick from the area around his lips. She rubbed her lips together and then popped them before instructing him to do the same.

“Did you just trick me into applying lipstick?” Joel asked, more amused than annoying. This wasn’t the first time she had done such a thing, but Joel found it endearing. It was like her way of telling others that he was taken, same when Lizzie gave him her jewelry or slipped her arm around his. Lizzie didn’t always show it in the most conventional ways, but she could be just as aggressively protective and possessive as he could be.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.” Lizzie flashed him a smile, feigning innocence. “Why? Do you not like it? You know, this way we match. And it’s more like gloss, than lipstick. It’s more shiny!”

Joel pulled out his phone for the camera function, using it as an artificial reflective surface. The shade of gloss complimented both him and Lizzie fairly well, he had to commend her for her expert choice. He smiled, pleased at what he saw, enough to snap a picture of himself. It was the same Joel he’s always known himself to be, but the gloss and wig were welcomed additions.

Lizzie stayed quiet, watching him observe himself. She would often tease him for being narcissistic and obsessed with himself, all lightheaded and jokingly, but she didn’t now. Instead, she just waited, allowing him time to process. Joel wasn’t sure how long she had planned to stand in silence, but Joel had certainly pushed the boundaries. Eventually, Lizzie took her hand in his and gently tugged. “Come on, we’re going to miss our appointment.” Appointment? What appointment? Joel was temporarily confused before connecting the dots. Right, he was going to get his nails done with his wife. That was the whole reason they were going out instead of staying at home, lazing around in their pajamas and watching random films. Joel allowed Lizzie to lead him out of their apartment, already daydreaming about glamming up his nails.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷’

Joel wasn’t sure what he had expected, but it wasn’t this.

Lizzie had guided Joel through the nail process, helping him pick out the nail polish and simple little designs they could do for a slight upcharge. Joel ultimately went with plain green nails and Lizzie decided to match, but she requested little white hearts overtop hers.

The nail techs had been nothing but accommodating, though something bizarre kept happening. Not bad bizarre, just… bizarre.

They kept referring to him as a girl.

It was understandable, he supposed. Maybe they weren’t used to men with long hair? And it’s not like it bothered him! Besides, he was wearing lipstick and a wig, and was getting his nails done. Again, their assumptions didn’t offend him– he was aware he was presenting femininely– but what was strange was that he never actually corrected them. He just… allowed it. More than that, he liked it?

Joel wasn’t sure if he was ready to confront that idea yet.

It would have been one thing if it happened only at the nail salon, but it continued throughout the day. Each store they went in, he was addressed as “ma’am” and referred to with she/her pronouns. Lizzie noticed, he knew, because she kept glancing at his direction after each time it occurred. Still, she didn’t say anything to correct the employees, and neither did he, and that was that.

Joel was just going to leave it alone and not acknowledge it, letting the memory rotate in his brain and probably visit him in his dreams, but Lizzie had different plans.

“Do you want to be a girl?” Lizzie blurted out once they arrived home, speaking as if it had physically pained her to keep the words contained. Joel had barely taken off his shoes and hung up the car keys when he was met with that question.

The answer should immediately be “No, of course not!” because that’s all he’s ever known. He should deny it, saying it was just for practice for Halloween! Because that is all it was, right? Joel knew that was wrong in her heart, when she actually accepted that there was something right about what had happened today. Part of her had had a hunch– of course, this feeling wasn’t exactly new– but, for some reason, she hadn’t allowed herself to think about it properly until now. Maybe it just took someone genuinely asking for her walls to break down.

“Oh, honey.” Lizzie’s features softened as she reached out to wipe away tears Joel hadn’t realized started to travel down her cheeks. “You know it’s okay if you are, right? I still love you either way. Boy or girl, I am still madly in love with you, as you are with me. We’re still Lizzie and Joel, ultimate power couple! You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Joel cracked a weak smile at the humor she paired with her comforts. She rubbed her palm against her eyes to try and clear her vision while Lizzie took her other hand to lead her to the couch. They sat down and Lizzie pulled Joel into a hug, rubbing circles against her back and murmuring soothing words of encouragement and affection into her ear.

“Do you mean it?” Joel whispered, voice cracking in a way she hated. She despised being seen as weak, but if anyone was going to see her this vulnerable, she was glad it was Lizzie. Maybe… maybe this wasn’t just a costume. Maybe it was something real.

“Mean what? That I love you no matter what?” Lizzie frowned, tucking Joel’s hair behind her ear to get it out of her face. “Of course I do. I love you, hun, not your gender. If being a girl makes you happy, then I will proudly introduce you as my wife. Wouldn’t you do the same if I felt more myself as a boy?” Joel considered Lizzie’s words for a moment before nodding. Girl or boy, she loved Lizzie, her wife, her reason for getting out of bed each morning. If her wife were her husband, she would be okay with that, and Lizzie was expressing that she felt the same. “Well, aren’t I a blummin’ idiot?”

“Maybe just a little bit,” Lizzie teased with her typical mischievous gleam returning, just the way Joel liked it. Unable to think of the proper words, Joel closed the gap between them once more, initiating lazy kisses. 

They two managed to position themselves as they kissed so that Joel was leaning against Lizzie, practically against her chest. Wig discarded, Lizzie scratched her fingers in Joel’s natural hair as Joel listened to the sound of Lizzie’s heartbeat.

“Do you want to try out a different name or do you want to keep Joel?” Lizzie murmured barely above a whisper as if she was afraid of bursting the peaceful bubble around them.

Joel didn’t answer it at first, considering the idea of choosing another name. Unlike other things she’s wondered about, the answer came easily. “No. I like Joel. I would like to keep it.”

“Then you can.” Lizzie peppered a few kisses against her hairline. “I can’t wait to brag about being able to spend all day with my cute, little wife.”

“I’m not little!” Joel protested, wrinkling her nose in disgust. Still, she didn’t remove herself from Lizzie’s hold.

“I know some people who say otherwise.” Lizzie giggled at Joel’s grumbles, but they both dropped it in favor of simply existing in each other’s presence. It had been a long day out, after all, and they were sort of sleepy… mm, it wouldn’t hurt to take a little cat nap on the couch for the rest of the afternoon, cuddled together as wife and wife.

[isaaaxqii]

strawberry milk *ੈ✩‧₊˚ - geto

part 1 of the series - saving both me and you <3

summary : being a jujutsu sorcerer brought much attention to an individual. just as you found out that your ex used your title as a jujutsu sorcerer to become popular and cheats on you, geto was there by your side to comfort you, but most importantly, its because he loves you.

`` : angst, fluff

note : hii sorry for not posting so much, but i'm uploading a short series so i hope you'll like it :) also, kudo is just an oc for me to explain about y/n's ex hehe

< 7.45pm >

"we're finally done!"

you exclaimed, walking alongside geto who had a smile on his face, happy to be able to finish the mission with you. recently, both you and geto have been teaming up more to complete missions, and you could never be more happy to receive help from someone that is stronger than you, resulting in completing the mission faster. this way, you could see your boyfriend, kudo, more.

or so you thought.

walking through the streets as the both of you were strolling back to jujutsu high, you saw a familiar figure in a nearby convenience store through the windows, hugging and kissing another girl.

"that can't be...kudo...."

you halted in your steps and reached out for your phone frantically, geto noticing your state of panic. you went into you and kudo's chat, reading the messages that you missed during the mission.

"hey y/n, good luck for your mission today! going to the convenience store alone now, its so boring without you :( "

"i miss you so much, stay safe y/n <3 "

what lies.

you stared at the couple kissing in the convenience store, tears threatening to roll down your cheeks. geto followed your line of sight, realising what you were so fixated on. a cheating ex.

"y/n, its okay, lets go-"

"no. its not okay. im going to confront them." you said sternly, pulling geto along with you. as you were nearer to the convenience store, tears couldn't help but roll down your face, feeling a sense of betrayal.

you and kudo have been together for about 4 months. although there were many red signs that indicated that he wasn't in love with you, you always came back to him after he apologised and gave you gifts like snacks, and your favourite items. now that you've thought back about it, you were foolish, letting a man that wants nothing to do with you play around with you, resulting in your never ending sadness and jealousy in the one sided relationship.

"kudo."

he looked up at you, eyes widening realising that he got caught. geto stood behind you, watching the scene unfold.

"its not what looks like-"

"its not what it looks like? i just saw you kiss her and your telling me that? even im feeling sorry for myself for having such a shitty and cheating boyfriend." you replied, wiping your tears every now and then. geto held onto your shirt as a way of comfort, but dare not intervene as this was your business.

"what did you just call me? you know what, nevermind. call me whatever you want, but i was just using your title of being a "jujutsu sorcerer" to become popular. looks like its working, so i can leave you now."

hearing the truth sent shivers down your spine. sure, there were many indications that kudo didn't have feelings for you, but reality does hit hard. kudo and the girl then left the store, leaving geto and a depressed you in the store.

"wait for me outside." geto gave you a pat on the head, sending a reassuring smile to you. wiping your tears, you nodded your head and went out.

< ~ >

"here." geto placed the object on your head before passing to you, "strawberry milk."

"thank you geto. i'm sorry you had to see me like this... its kind of embarrassing..." you muttered the last line, looking down while holding your milk before being engulfed into a hug. your tears came back, and you sobbed uncontrollably in his arms.

his presence has always been the most comforting and peaceful. he understands you well, and empathises with the things you go through. being by his side at a time like this was enough for you, and you couldn't ask for anything more.

"i'll be by your side no matter what. after all, you are my weakness."

ill post the next part of the series most likely tomorrow or the day after tomorrow hehe also, this series may only have around 2 or 3 parts?? so yes

part 2

[neoncat666]

extremely long shadows over welde character analysis post

by extremely long i mean its fucking 3k words cause I go too silly.

Spoilers up to ep 8 and its mostly rambles so apolocheese. I also posted this on my twitter so if u saw it there here's an actual text version LOL

Argentum:

Oh my god. You are soooo…… First of all, in the story we’ve gotten this. Argentum is a strong headed, curious person who is a bit stubborn and holds themself at a bit of a graceful appearance on the outside. They are smart, witty, but also a bit of a temper especially when it comes to frankly a little stupid ideas. They are also kind and care for others. We were shown from the beginning that they enjoy their work and meeting fans and even with people they just met are willing to help them stay safe. Also they’re a little dumb. Sometimes curiosity overrides rational thinking and that was shown when they touched the weird fucking webbing in the cave and also that ENTIRE plan when there was the confrontation between Vhaeraun and Lolth which was fucking actually crazy. This isn’t even beginning to talk about the head friend. I am constantly thinking about that voice and who that could be. Brings us speculation around them. Argentum is not human, or at least fully human. Their eyes are def not human and Hayden is a silly lil guy who would pull a trick like that. There was one speculation on them possibly being a Kalashtar and I think it could fit but honestly for now it hasn’t been on my forefront. I also bought the inscriptor class finally and was looking at how possibly they were built. What stats what subclass ect. I don’t fucking know.. Now you might be asking “Hey why don’t you just ask?” CAUSE IM SCARED. But honestly cause I wanted to see if I could figure it out myself lmao. It boiled down to either Mystery or Historian subclass is what Snail helped me narrow to. Could be wrong tho. There’s also little tidbits about Argentum that have come from outside the sessions like when I asked if they had a canonical birthday cause “celebrating fictional characters birthdays is cringe” “fuck you happy birthday argentum” is funny. Still honestly wanna know if any of the party has canon birthdays. I got hit with the “Oh they don’t know their own birthday.” and then swindled. There was also the discussion on Hayden’s pcs never really having parents or family and Argentum was included in that list which more or less got confirmed in session this episode (7). I still don’t know their motives, still don’t know their relationships with others because it seems everyone is connected to someone except Argentum, and I still don’t know who their patron is and if that is the same as the voice in their head. Love the silly though

Phoenix:

Fifi….. Not much was known about you until today and holy shit did it rock my world. Before we had known he was the apprentice to Ipswich and was sent in his place as guest of honor. We also then found out he was a spy working on tailing Lolth and that’s kinda all we knew about Phoenix for a bit, at least heavy lore wise. He’s a sarcastic, witty, bitch and I love him so much. I could never surpass Snail as Phoenix Enjoyer but it’s close. We learned a bit more during the nightmare drink sequence where he met his patron and got his powers fucking zapped. A couple things stood out to me from it. How his patron looked and specific wording from Phoenix. We know Ipswich isn’t mortal anymore but Phoe had said something along the lines of “I’d get my ass kicked and be right back here the next day.” He is surrounded by death or even just the undead. His patron deals in undead magic and I don’t think if Phoenix gets knocked down he wouldn’t be back again looking all fine the next day. We don’t know his patron’s name which like. Fuck. but lmao. Anyways Ipswich is tracking him like crazy and says he has this important quest although we don’t know a lot of Phoe’s thoughts and feelings on what he’s doing. To me it almost seems like he’s a tool or pawn for others and idk if I can fully call him a good person. Doing a bit of research into his pact and such it seems that he’s just going to possibly lose more and more humanity as he gets stronger but also i couldn’t tell you how much he has already. There’s also the whole cousins and throne thing that got dropped this episode. It seems his family is also involved with this whole scheme but Phoe is the favourite of the bunch. The idea that he could possibly be royalty was also thrown around and i think if he was like secret prince it would be from a large family all vying for a throne or he is working with Ipswich and others to usurp the current ruler and take the power for himself. Although knowing Fifi it’ll probably be like a secret third option. Not much except he’s so 90s movie older sister to me and the fact Ipswich runs a school for swindlers which is kinda funny.

Sunder:

Babygirl. Pookie. Love of my life who I want to kill me. God. This is now my love letter to you. I saw you across the bar and thought you were sooo scary and I’ve been enraptured ever since. Anyways that’s a freak. He’s not the most talkative and seems more lonely despite everything. They’re funny, loyal, kind, and ruthless. We didn’t get much for Sunder for a bit until mostly the shopping episode. We learned a bit through Kelly and the nightmare drink of what makes up Sunder but it didn’t really culminate until the head crushing I would say. Honestly I don’t even care I just fucking love the way Sunder is played. Like I’m sitting here trying to find words that aren’t just I think he’s neat cause I do think analyzing him is intriguing. They’re going to get angry and they’re going to get violent and you are not safe. It’s something that was so surprising at first because of how much Sunder kind of fell into the background. The nightmare drink gave us the first look at this, that Sunder had apparently killed someone, a kid even, but a lot of their violence was played off as a joke by the community, I know I did. Learned today that the person in that nightmare was Ilmater and it shows that she wasn’t lying when she said that visions and nightmares of this accident are a plague. I believe them when they say it was an accident and idk how young they were but to harbor that from a young age will fuck you up. Their morals are something that intrigues me i would say the most. No trouble in murder although I assume that’s more or less towards people who piss him off or are generally bad people. He’s kind hearted and that’s shown a lot especially with this last interaction I’d say. I still need to like rewatch a lot of parts of it but “we were just kids” genuinely fucking rocked me to my core and it got me i won’t lie. We’re still very early in but idk, I want to see Sunder truly happy and not haunted by the ghosts of their past. I feel this was most likely the first step but it’s hard to say as we go forward. I think violence and blood will always follow it’s just how they choose to take it.

The Wall:

I think now Wall is the character we know the least about, at least to me. We know his duty to Eilistraee and his duty to Zephrael and also his little foodie quirks (love him dearly) but outside of that I don’t think we know a lot. He’s the character I have the least notes for now but I do know this. He is loyal to a fault, a little dense, kind, and revels in battle and violence. I think about his nightmare and the fear of losing her and the sword then what happened to this episode. He’s had this since he was a child and then he had this dream, this trip to the beastland plane and looked Eilistraee in the eye and fought her. I believe he still loves her, cares for her, but I also think it has changed since that episode no doubt. Rewinding a bit, I think a bit about him being told he has to be pure of heart in order to wield the sword. What does pure of heart truly mean? Wall loves fighting and murder. He actively committed torture. Also he’s the bodyguard for an objectively bad man. There’s the argument of his intentions are pure although I doubt you can do a lot of what he did and have those intentions be fully pure. It’s just something I think about more than probably a normal person should teehee. Anyways the conversation he and Rae had at the beginning of this session should classify as psychological warfare cause I genuinely do not think I’m ever going to recover. I have been talking about it for weeks how they are the chosens, favored, by literal enemies and seem to have some sort of hit on them by a couple of deities now. I thought about how it might affect relationships and how Wall views them. We know he’s very loyal but I always wondered how far he would need to be pushed before that is broken. Seems like an extreme amount. His morals are probably what intrigue me the most tbh. I’d kill to know what his alignment is LMAO. Most of all I just really love the Wall because he is goofy and silly but he also isn’t a stupid brick wall that doesn’t know anything and I really enjoy seeing the times he gets to explain things. Fuck it we Wall.

Zephrael:

Okay so this will be the longest one cause I’m biased and yes Zephrael is my favourite. I always feel a little bad when it comes to that and showing that favouritism because I truly do love the entire party so much. This hit me the most when the show was just starting out and I did feel like I needed to show how much I loved each character and not just focus on Rae lol. I hope this thread can at least show that (if you even make it this far) Anyways Zephrael is a fucking freak and I love him so much. I’ve done multiple posts on him before and yeah Im gonna repeat some of it here i wont lie. Right out the gate we probably learn the most and yet the least about Rae’s past and present. He is an emissary for the reformed church of Lolth and an honored guest. He had known about Edo’s work before and talked about how it had helped with relations between the public and the reformed church. This means everything and nothing to us. But it does show that despite Rae’s… oddness, he is extremely well spoken when he wants to be and I think about that speech a lot. The next few episodes gave us some more information yet also a lot more questions. These weird pains that seem to predict disasters, the extreme phobia of spiders despite being a paladin of Lolth, and his both egotistical yet self deprecating attitude. It was fascinating to watch him because he clashed but never in a way that made him irredeemable and I’ll go more into that at the end section. A few early things I thought about a lot before the catalyst that was the nightmare drink were who the reformed church was, where did Zephrael come from, why was he chosen as this ambassador, and why he didn’t know undercommon but knew abyssal. These are still questions I have to this day LMAO. The nightmare drink vision I possibly overanalyze the most next to Phoenix’s. It stood out due to the fact that it wasn’t, bad. Rae could see again, he saw his father and best friends again, he got told he was going to learn the truth again. Why was this considered a bad thing? Everyone else experienced horrors and regrets yet Zephrael got sorrow. It jumpstarted the part aasimar Rae theory tho. Angel imagery Rae makes me clinically insane I won’t lie and his father having these large wings and bright white light did not help. There’s the big question of what he is and also how he joined the church. Hell, even how he feels about the church as well, truly at least. During one of the hiatuses fandom went crazy and Snail Snailmuds dropped out of nowhere that the runes on Rae’s body weren’t just random but fucking translated abyssal that said “PAIN CHAOS POWER” which first of all goes hard second of all what the fuck.

Theory crafting for Zephrael always feels like climbing uphill and also being constantly shot at cause every time something happens with that man it turns out to be a secret third thing going on oh mygod. Anyways I’ve discussed whether or not he was forced into this church, was kidnapped, born into it, ect because at the end of the day, he seems to very much be a tool or pawn for this church and/or Lolth. Also the whip being an artifact of Lolth or whatever they’re called again I forgot??? What the fuck dude. ALSO HIM SLEEPING IN BATHTUBS????? Grizzly has said this will make sense later but genuinely what the fuck there is something wrong with him. Moving on, revelation about the tattoos comes out and we get the torture episode. Well we get the holy shit they just killed those guys begining and then torture. First of all, I cheered louder than anyone else when Rae actually did fucking combat instead of running away and also the fact he can use his whip. Anyways dumb and dumber torture a guy and first of all the lay on hands to keep him alive during torture was insane and I hope to see it again in anything and it’s also where it’s learned that the tattoos on him were “forcibly engraved” which was honestly brushed off and a lot happened that I think most people forgot but I didn’t cause I’m crazy. Anyways moving on from THAT we get the typical Rae. Dodging questions when Argentum tries to interrogate him and also dunno if he’s just fuckin lying or not when he does actually answer them.

Episode 6 and 7 are where I think Rae slightly pivots. Not really noticeable but he feels a little more, close. It was also a change I noticed with the cast and I think that helped a lot of character dynamics as well. Rae’s stupid beef with Argentum was so fucking funny and I do think about him wanting to heal Sunder before himself after the Bulette because if he heals Sunder, how would that help him. Yes they’re his bodyguard but the monster is dead and it’s not like Sunder can heal him back. It was a decision that I think was the most different for Rae because he was shown to care deeply for Wall but not so much the others as much. He still doesn’t care for the others as much as he does The Wall but I do think he has grown a fondness or care for the others whether he wants to or not. And thats the thing, I could not tell you if he does actually wanna care for them or not. Yes they are allies and help but he seems to try and keep things at a transactional level or how much power it may bring him. He still does but like his dynamic with Argentum seems closer cause the antagonizing feels more like siblings getting on each other’s nerves rather than a growing distance. I think Sunder also displaying that brutality may have put him more into Rae’s good books too. Anyways he read a fucking book huge day. Now he has even worse mommy issues. Ep 7 killed me with hammers but that was spoken about. His relationship with Wall is something that fascinates me though. Rae is selfish, it’s not hidden at all, yet he does seem to care deeply for Wall and almost defends him more than he would defend himself. It’s nice to see for this bodyguard and his charge dynamic but ep 7 spread some light on it and I do think their bond will outlive the will of the Gods but what do I know, I’m not anyone at that table. Zephrael is rude, odd, egotistical but also masochistic and does care deeply when he wants to and you don’t see that kind of character as much I wanna say. He’s my favourite cause his weird gnc swag enraptured me thats all he is post over.

Not actually over cause there’s one last thing. These characters would not be these characters without the wonderful players behind them. Each episode brings out better and better performances that have me actually going crazy over them. I genuinely wouldve had nothing to write about if it weren’t for the fact everyone brings so much life into these characters and loves them so much that they feel so fucking real. They don’t feel flat or simple but very nuanced characters that I love to study and even be wrong about (i actually hate being wrong and every time im wrong i get so ashamed) but Argentum’s flourishes and talks to get out of situations, Phoenix’s wit and holy shit that dread form voice, Sunder during the market fight and then the softer scene with Varic, Wall’s humor and even talking about the more serious stuff, and Zephrael’s ability to balance harshness and endearing at the same time. That’s Hayden, Leizu, Juzo, Ben, and Grizzly and I genuinely cannot fucking talk about the performances enough. I’ve thought about making a post just about it but I fear I just wouldn’t be able to articulate what I wanna say enough. Then obviously it wouldn’t even be possible without the fucking amazing world building and npcs Jonah has provided. Everything is so immersive and I find myself caring for each and every npc we meet whether caring for their safety or caring too much cause I dislike them. Every npc sticks with me and I grow so attached so quickly because they feel so real in this world that also feels so fucking real. It feels like we are just peeking into another world and I actually can’t multitask when watching sow cause I get too sucked in. It’s really hard to do that and I talk about it a lot but never really publicly so I thought I would here.

Anyways for real this time post over, this ended up way longer than I thought it was gonna be so ur a real one if you read this all the way through lol. I’m off to go think about sow merch again as I wait for permission and stuff cause im crazy. See ya later