#he called her ‘ma’am’ and I was like oh gracious golly

[sailforvalinor]

My best friend and I decided that we would binge the last three Twilight movies for Halloween. Literally the only thing that’s getting me through this is Jasper and Alice and looking forward to making every joke I can about the name “Renesmee”

[teiasviago]

Love in Kroner, Kansas

A bit of a rewrite of “The Rain King” with the premise of Mulder and Scully being married and expecting a kid at that point. Don’t think too hard about it; I was just reminded of a section of Perfumed Words that’s set in this episode while rewatching it and felt like writing it for funsies. <3

—

“Nice to see you, Agent Mulder. I’m Jim Gilmore, the mayor. We spoke on the phone.” As he speaks, he makes his way over to Mulder and Scully, shaking hands with the former before extending his arm to the latter. “And you must be the missus. Congratulations,” Gilmore says with a smile, nodding his head to her baby bump. “I’ve got the ‘excellent accommodations’ that you requested all cleaned up for you, Agent Mulder.”

Mulder nods, leaving Scully hanging. “Ah. Thank you,” she responds, an uncomfortable smile on her face as she shakes the mayor’s hand and shoots Mulder a look. She reaches into her pocket and retrieves her badge. “I’m Agent Scully, Agent Mulder’s... associate. I’m sure whatever regular accomodations you have will be sufficient, however.”

Gilmore scoffs and shakes his head. “Nonsense! I was raised to give expecting mothers the utmost respect. Besides, our motel’s all booked up because of the high school reunion taking place. Really, it wouldn’t be an imposition. We’ve redecorated it since our John moved out.”

Scully nods slowly, refusing to look at her husband, fully aware that he’s suppressing a smile. “Well, uh, Mayor Gilmore... If you could explain to me what exactly your problem is, that would be great. My partner, here, neglected to explain that aspect of the case to me.”

“No problem, ma’am.”

—

“A man... controlling... the weather. How plausible, Mulder.” Scully makes a face as she squints up at him. “Do you need me to explain the implausibility of that?”

Mulder shrugs with his hands in his pockets, making a face that matches. “I mean, I don’t need it, but I would love to hear you go all sciencey on me, Scully.”

She laughs softly and shakes her head, bumping into him on purpose as they walk down the road. “Mulder...”

He puts his hands up. “I can’t help it! Flirting with you’s in my nature. Please explain to me the science of weather patterns.”

—

“Oh, there you are! I was worried you weren’t going to make it! Come, come!” The boisterous woman speaking to them moves behind Mulder and Scully, urging them further into the news station’s studio.

As she continues to speak, Scully shoots Mulder a look, but he just shrugs and smiles, shoving his hands into his pockets as the woman bounds off to speak to a man wearing glasses and a sweater vest.

“Congratulations,” he says when he reaches them, extending a hand to Scully and then Mulder. “And congratulations!”

He nods at her belly as she reaches for her badge with a sigh. “Actually,” Scully starts, flipping her ID open, “we’re with the FBI. Agents Scully—” She gestures to herself. “—and Mulder.” She gestures at her husband.

“FBI?” the woman says, placing her hand on her cheek as her eyes widen. “Goodness gracious.” Scully nods and is about to speak when the blonde continues. “We thought you were the winners of our ‘Watch the Weather and Win’ contest!”

“People are understandably upset because of the drought, and they tend to aim that towards the messenger...” the man explains.

“Oh!” the blonde exclaims. “There’s the Gundersons! Over here!” A couple dressed far more accurately as farmers approaches the group of four.

“It’s a spitting image, Scully,” Mulder whispers in her ear before requesting a private area to speak to the sweater vest man.

—

“I’ve seen the way you and Agent Scully gaze at each other,” Holman says, but falters when Mulder’s stance and expression don’t change. “You never wanted...?” he asks, and Mulder sighs.

“Look... Agent Scully and I are professional people. We work for the FBI, and as federal employees, we’re expected to—to maintain some form of decorum. We, uh, we’re in a relationship—we’re married, actually.” He brings up his hand, displaying the back of his hand and the ring he wears. “And we’re obviously expecting a bundle of joy. But, you know, when we’re on the job, we’re professionals. Our personal lives come second when we’re on the clock.”

Holman nods and nods, until: “Well, that’s all well and good, but you’re—you’re you and Agent Scully is, well, her. You’re both on the same level. But me and Sheila? We’re so far apart... Her feeling the same way about me is ridiculous. It’s outlandish.”

“Holman, you’ve got to tell her or it’s just going to get so bad that someone dies. I’ve got a plane to catch with my wife, so I can’t stay and help.” With that, Mulder turns to leave, but Holman catches his arm.

“You can’t leave! You have to help me!”

Just as Mulder’s about to respond, his phone rings. “Hello?”

“Mulder, where are you?”

“Uh, I’m with Holman. He’s asking for dating advice, Scully.”

“From whom?”

“From yours truly, of course. Who else?” Silence on Scully’s end. “Dana? You still there?”

“Yeah, yeah... I called to tell you that our flight’s canceled until further notice. Have you looked outside recently? It’s pea soup out here. But... he’s asking you for advice? Talk about the blind leading the blind.”

“Hey! I wooed you spectacularly!” Mulder asserts.

“Keep telling yourself that, honey.”

—

“You’re just jealous because Agent Mulder and I have something special together,” Sheila taunts, eerily confident.

“What?” Scully fumbles. The news anchor’s assertion is so wrong that it caught her off-guard.

“I’ve seen the way you look at him. You’re probably locked in a loveless marriage or something, wishing that he loved you like he loves me.”

“What?” Scully repeated, sure of her words this time. “Agent Mulder and I prefer not to reveal our personal lives to everyone around us, but since it’s so clearly involved in this... incident, fine. I’m not locked in a loveless marriage, I’m married to Agent Mulder, and we’re very much in love. And we’re expecting a baby in October.” She sighs heavily, leaning against one of the sinks in the bathroom as she rubs a hand across her face.

“Golly,” Sheila finally says a few minutes later. “I guess you are a little bit like the Gundersons after all!”

“How do you mean?”

“Oh, well, they told me were so excited about winning the station’s contest because it was the only trip they’d be able to go one before their baby arrived. They just found out a month ago! Isn’t it exciting?”

“Yeah. It is.” Scully licks her lips and makes deliberate eye contact with Sheila. “Look. This situation isn’t going to resolve itself until you come to terms with the fact that Holman’s in love with you. I mean, I’ve found that the greatest relationships often come from—from the ones with a bedrock of friendship. That’s part of how I fell for Mulder. We were friends—best friends, even, and because we trusted each other, we were able to form a—a really quite fantastic life together.”

She can’t help the smile that creeps onto her face, so she gives up and lets it shine through, cupping her baby bump.

“Oh,” is all that Sheila says. “Well, I mean... I just never thought of Holman that way, you know? I mean, to not even suspect...”

“I think you should go talk to him.”

Sheila purses her lips and nods. “You’re right. Thank you, Agent Scully.”

—

“Dance with me, Scully.” Mulder offers her his hand, a smile on his face.

“Mulder...”

“I’ll request ‘Joy to the World’ so we can jam out if you want.”

Scully takes his hand as she considers his offer before deciding on, “Have them put ‘The Things We Do For Love’ back on. I want to dance to that one with you. I like the lyrics.”

His smile gets wider and Mulder kisses her hand. “Don’t go anywhere.”

“I won’t.”

He’s back a few minutes later just as the song starts to play, grasping her hands and bringing them to the back of his neck before lacing his fingers together at the small of her back.

“This is nice,” she says, swaying in a gentle circle with her husband.

“It is. I doubt we’ll be able to crash many high school reunions once the baby comes,” Mulder jokes, and Scully laughs, letting her forehead fall against his chest.

After a moment, she lifts her head back up and looks into his eyes, met by his tender gaze. “I’d kiss you if I were wearing heels,” she tells him.

“I know,” he says.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”