#he believes everything has a purpose even if that purpose doesn’t pertain to him

[peapod20001]

Rory has been haunting my brain recently. Like, a lot

[amournoir]

𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 — 𝐧.𝐦

warning: these will be my personal thoughts, some are tame whereas others are sinful to say the least. read at your own peril. 

1. the first time you and klaus meet would probably be at some sort of party, ball, gala, etc. 

2. klaus is many things but shy sure as hell ain’t one of them, if he wants you, he’ll make it known. 

3. but just between us girls, iykyk, you want him. i don’t blame you. 

4. he’s a gentleman though, he’s no elijah, but close enough. 

5. he’s always paying attention to everything you say and keeping a mental list of it all. 

6. on random days you are greeted by new gifts whether it’s a holiday or not, he doesn’t care. 

7. speaking of caring, you’re the only one he cares about but it can get a tad bit toxic. just a tad. 

8. he’ll spare people, save your friends, do anything you ask simply because it comes from you. 

9. you actually hate asking him for favors, you enjoy doing things by yourself which pisses him off because he wants to be of some use to you. 

10. back to the gentleman thing— he’ll hold a door or two, open the car door, stand in front of you in the presence of enemies, pull the chair for you, etc. 

11. he spoils you rotten. no really, the man will literally shower you in gifts regardless of whether you want him to or not.

12. he’s an old soul, don’t forget that although it can be easy to when he’s throwing childish tantrums. 

13. he’ll ask your permission for things that pertain to you or are personal. 

14. for example during your first kiss together, he kept looking into your eyes to make sure you wanted that.  

15. he respects you so much. your opinion on anything and everything is held in high regard to him, even higher than elijah. 

16. that drives you insane sometimes. you can never go a day without a text or phone call from him. if you don’t answer, his siblings will call you as well (he forces them). 

17. he’s a huge teddy bear, or a cuddly puppy i should say. he’s got a soft spot only you are privy to. 

18. believe it or not but he’s not a pda guy though he wouldn’t pass on an opportunity to mark his territory, you, in front of other guys & make a show of it. 

19. possessive much? it’s ok, you secretly like it though. his jealousy turns you on. 

20. cheek kisses, back of the hand kisses, temple kisses are more his thing as far as pda goes. 

21. side note, are you a pet name type of person? no? oh well, you’ll just have to get used to his pet names for you: love, darling, sweetheart, princess, my queen, etc.

22. somewhere up there i mentioned gifts, one of them would be paintings of you. some of them are you doing mundane things like eating or even sleeping but you adore them! 

23. this goes without saying but i’ll say it just in case. along with the gifts he gets you, your drawer/closet is filled with expensive clothing and accessories.

24. some of which he uses during your sexy time. he’s ripped and torn far too many lingeries but you don’t mind, he replaces them. 😏

25. now that i’ve slightly mentioned kinks, if you squint very hard you’ll see, let’s get down and dirty.

26. let’s start with his jealousy. he can easily tell when it turns you on, your heartbeat gives you away and this leads to rough sex or depending on whether you purposely made him jealous, he would punish you. 

27. you are turned on by the simplest things when it comes to him. his smirk, his focused state when he’s painting, his tight black pants and skin tight shirt, his playfulness with his brothers, etc. all of this ends with sex because like i said, your heartbeat tells on you. 

28. let’s mention his kinks that you’re aware of thus far. 

29. he has a dominance kink (duh), breeding kink, boob/nipple kink, toy kink (on you), breath play, and bdsm. 

30. now it’s your turn. your kinks include submission, praise, degradation, spanking, exhibitionism, edging, and role play. 

31. this man enjoys seeing you in two positions: a) on the floor on your knees, hands back, mouth open and head tilted back and b) on your knees on the bed with your bare ass up in the air, hands on your back, legs slightly parted and a gag in your mouth. 

32. you as the good girl you aim to be for him, happily oblige. sometimes. pfft, i didn’t say you were an angel. 

33. i wanna go into slight detail about the toy kink. it drives him mad seeing you filled to the brim, one in your cunt and ass. sometimes he’ll shove himself with the toy too, especially if it’s a vibrating dildo. the last time he punished you, he made you wear a vibrating one in public for over an hour and you almost broke but the promise of being fucked when you got home made you hold it in (pun intended). 

34. you were never really a role play type of girl but after modeling for one of his paintings nude, you were sold. that day you had sex in his art room, bodies slathered with paint in certain places. “paint me like one of your french girls” you had said after watching titanic the first time and he sure as hell did. he painted your spongy walls with his cum. 

35. oh i almost forgot to mention the simple things he enjoys. 

36. for example, he loves when you choke on his dick or when he eats you from behind until you collapse. 

37. he likes blood play but he’s never forced it on you, it only happened twice. it’s not your thing but you let him indulge when he’s a very good boy. 

38. on special occasions, he’s always welcomed by your naked body on the bed. legs spread open, hair down with a white bow, gag in hand, and your tits on display for him. he’s never ran or undressed so fast in his immortal life. 

39. let’s remember that he’s an animal and he fucks you like one as well. you’ve been bent over your fair share of surfaces throughout the compound with the exception of his siblings’ rooms. 

40. you’re always a drooling whimpering mess by the time he’s done with you and you beg for more still. 

41. like that one time he fucked you silly, you actually collapsed and when you woke up like minutes later, you had this stupid grin on your face and said “round three?” he made sure you were okay then agreed but it turned to 4 rounds. 

42. as a hybrid, his sex drive is always high but there are rare times where he doesn’t want to have sex so you just jack him off or suck him. 

43. ironically those times are the ones that you are the most horny so he just fingers you or eats you out, depending on what you want. once, you took his hand and used his digits to finger yourself which was hot as hell. seeing you getting yourself off on his fingers was a sight to behold. 

44. i said he likes boob play and he really does. when you’re cockwarming, a  favorite pastime for you both, he’ll just suck on them. in the morning, he’ll pinch your nipples or tug on them to turn you on. at night, it’s how you end your sex time but it doesn’t really end because it just turns you on all over again. 

45. waaaaay up there i said that he marks his territory when he’s jealous and this is true in sex too. he’ll leave bite marks on obvious places and smirks whenever someone asks you about it. the darker marks are between your thighs, your nipples, just above your clit, and your ass cheeks. 

46. on more than one occasion you’ve had to find ways to get off when he isn’t there. when he caught you for the first time, he was upset but he was more turned on than anything. his good little girl had missed him so much, it slightly hurt him that you had to resort to other methods. so that night you were fucked to sleep. since then, you play with yourself while he watches on facetime and he praises you to get you off, he’d then return home and give you what you had been craving. 

47. sharing is absolutely not caring when it’s about your body. he will not share you with anyone so he’d gladly play whichever role you want him to in order to satiate you. 

48. he can be a sweetheart though, he’s able to be gentle with you. he always would be if you asked but your kinky self rarely does, you prefer his roughness and being thrown about like a rag doll. 

49. just like he’s not a pda guy, he doesn’t brag about his sex life although he made no promises about teasing you in public. when you’re horny, he teases you. when you have a mark, he teases you. when he met your ex, he implied what a good girl you were for him. 

50. he has sexually ruined you for any man and that’s fine by you because you’re cock drunk for him. you’re both freaks in the sheets but it’s all good, whatever makes you both happy. 

a/n: only saw it fit to do Nik since i did Eli already, sorry it’s semi-short. may add more to this one day, who knows. anyways, hope you enjoyed! 

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[hahahha-fandoms]

Briefly mentioning on it but might delve deeper into it at one point- since its something i want to explore deeper either via fanfiction or fanart- would be how much Reigen truly tends to stunt his own progress. I feel it may be somewhat either a habit done on purpose, or a habit bred via childhood experiences. Could be both tbh

As someone who has imposter syndrome, comorbid with other things of course, I feel a deep relation to Reigen in a few ways pertaining to that sort of thing- not meaning for this to drag on too long so I’ll cut to the chase.

The advice Reigen gives to mob, that he is not special for having those powers, is an extremely wonderful advice for mob to have received in that moment, but what does it say about Reigen? A psychic child definitely would appreciate that advice, that you are no different than your peers and you don’t have to strive to be, but what if Reigen had heard that advice before- in a much more negative connotation- and tried to spin it in a more positive light? Now, it is not a big secret that Reigen is pretty damn talented- he can almost pick up anything and everything and be somewhat good at it, even if he puts minimum effort- what happened throughout his life for him to put on an act somewhat, to downplay everything he does and even try to persuade others around him that he is a fake even though he’s always helped people, maybe not in the intended way, but he still helps nonetheless. At a huge discount too ! As if, he doesn’t think he’s worth that much money, time, or appreciation. There’s a lot to think and say about Reigens character, but it makes him that much sadder to think that he believes he isn’t anything special, he shouldn’t think it even for a second- but why?

[diaryofanormalkid]

He told me “guess what” “you’re beautiful” again. It was really cute and surprising the first time bc I wasn’t expecting it at all and he’s never done it before. But now I’m indifferent.

Like I’m flattered but at the same time I want him to act now. Like he acts like my boyfriend and doing everything a boyfriend would, but he doesn’t proceed to ask me out as his gf.

I just think the reason he’s taking his time is spiritual. Personally idk if I’m ready myself. But at least tell me you like me or give me some indicator you’re happy to proceed in that direction.

Everything is so unclear/limbo. I wish he didn’t have me guessing what we are. He doesn’t make me feel reassured in that area. Because when ppl ask about us or if I have a boyfriend, idk what to say ever.

I’d be so happy to get to claim, “yes I have a boyfriend” and proceed to talk about him, but he’s not ready for the commitment and it’s really turning me off.

Like I’m more special than that! Don’t waste my time. He seems to feel so comfortable with me, that he thinks I’ll just stick around and wait for him forever until he’s ready to get serious about me.

But I can’t anymore. I hate waiting never knowing when. I hate not knowing his emotions unless I ask. I hate that it’s so hard to tell how deeply he likes me because he seems to be purposely holding back!

I was watching a YouTube video literally pertaining to this exact thing on if I should leave to make them miss me. It was so perfectly timed for this season I’m in, and I realized I think I have to do what it suggests.

The video suggested I give him space and distance and time to be without me so he can realize what he’s missing, then make up his mind whether or not he wants me to that degree in his life.

Bc after my absence, if he doesn’t feel a deep sense of loss and void when I’m gone, or doesn’t proceed to ask me out as his gf, then I won��t waste anymore time. His loss, really.

He can’t keep stringing me along. I’m not just some easy girl. And if he’s going to be this involved in my life, at least I’d like him to be someone of status instead of someone I can’t explain who he is to me.

I just believe I deserve better than this. Like he wants to meet my stepdad and I think honestly if he can’t commit to being my bf, it’s not worth it for him to meet my stepdad bc he isn’t sure.

My stepdad will also give him an even harder time if by then he still hasn’t made up his mind about me. So I’m sparing him, I’m giving myself time to grow and love God by myself some more.

And I’m also giving him time to figure out if he thinks we’re a good fit for each other. I think he will respect my choice. He might be upset about it though. Bc even I’ll be upset about it.

It even makes me sad to have to be away from him. But I honestly think this is good for both of us. Like i thought I wouldn’t have the strength before, bc i was so attached/and am right now.

But I think this might be necessary to our future relationship if anything is to come out of this. So I’ll tell him I need space/time apart from him. To figure out what I even want from this relationship.

Where I see it going. Get myself back in alignment with God. And on the same page with where He wants me headed with him. Bc maybe we took it a little far with the getting attached.

I really feel like I’m courting him as I speak. But the words/exchange has not been done for this to formally happen. So that’s my concerns. I feel like we need more time anyways before that happens.

Bc courtship is very serious. I take that very seriously. It means you’ll get married. And I believe if we date, then those are his intentions. I wouldn’t want to get into that with him unless I’m super sure of him.

And I’m sure he will agree with me on that. So I would rather it happen this way so I’m sure and he’s sure going into it. Instead of him feeling pressured by me to make a decision. I think this is healthy.

We will give each other space to dwell on the state of our relationship and see if that’s really the direction where God is telling us to head in. I think this will be very transformational for both of us. I’m at peace.

Words don’t impress me anymore.

[qyllenhaal]

Good Wives Club [2]

Lee Bodecker x Reader. 3rd POV. Word Count: 4.2k.

Spin-off to American Pie

Chapter One || Chapter Three

Summary: It's been more than a year since she's escaped the ghost of her past but life is never fair to a girl like her. Lee doesn't care that she has a husband, a nice house, and sugary fake friends, he wants what's rightfully his.

Warnings (series): Cheating, smut, violence, housewife kink, period-typical misogyny, age gap (about a ten year difference), manipulation, dark themes all around.

A/N: If anyone wants to be added to future tag list just let me know!

Y/n woke up at 5am with a dry mouth and her head spinning. Her night has been plagued with restlessness and she couldn't stay still. When she did fall asleep, it was for small periods of time. Each time she woke up she was not aware of where she was for the first five seconds, panic almost setting in before she registered the sound of her husband snoring.

The end of her irregular sleep cycle ended because she saw the hallway light was on. She sighed when realized it must be time for her husband to get ready for work. She virtually got no sleep and she'll probably be tired for the rest of the day.

She gets up from their creaky bed and starts walking down the hallway. It takes a while for her eyes to adjust to the brightness as she slowly plods down the hallway. She follows the light to the bathroom where she can hear her husband getting ready for work. On the days he goes in this early Y/n is relieved that she doesn't have to get up and cook breakfast for him.

The door is cracked but she opens it to find him inside. She situates herself in the doorway, watching him shave his face through the mirror.

"Good morning," he spoke with a scratchy voice. Even though Y/n didn't marry Llewellyn for love, she's still attracted to him and likes his company most of the time. She feels an ache inside of her that wants him to take her, but after running into Lee last night she's afraid she won't be able to get Lee's face out of her mind while beneath her husband.

"Good morning. Going in early?"

"Yep. Dad wants to do inventory today since he put it off last week."

"Oh okay," she accepts quietly, ready to leave her husband alone so he can get ready in peace.

However he asks her a surprising question, "hey, did you enjoy last night?"

"Uh, it was fine I guess. Did you?" Her hope is that he at least enjoyed himself somewhat.

"You know I don't like that super fancy stuff like that, but I have to eat crow; it wasn't all that bad and Bodecker's not as bad as I thought. He's kind of a funny guy. I still think he's not as hard on crime like everyone claims he is, but personally, he's not that bad. Florence was nice too. She invited us to dinner on Wednesday night, apparently that's the only night Lee has off. I told her we'd be able to join them."

The turn of events was shocking. Y/n couldn't believe her ears and she thought maybe she indeed was still asleep. Lou was not fond of many people and his only "friends" were his two brothers so him warming up to Lee and Florence left her speechless. So speechless that she didn't register the fact that he accepted a dinner invite for them.

"What?"

"What do you mean ‘what’? You dragged me to that dinner last night and wanted me to be nice, and now you're confused when I do just that?"

"I-I'm not confused...just shocked," she admits truthfully, "I can't believe you want to go to someone’s house who isn't your mother house for dinner —are you sure you want to go?"

"We're going Y/n."

His tone of voice indicates that the conversation is done and over with and the decision has been made. Y/n didn't even get to contest his decision but Lou can tell when Y/n is in a defiant mood. Her folding her arms and walking away was confirmation for him. She stalks her way back to the bedroom where she takes to hiding under the covers.

Lee and Lou under the same roof — it makes her stomach churn just to think about it. They're wildly different from each other but the thing she hates about them is what they have in common.

All she can hope is that this nightmare ends and she wakes back up to a life without Lee's ghost lingering around.

-

She decided to go with a floral dress again. She really wanted to take out the checkerboard dress that made her legs look good and showed off her arms, but Lou would have made her change before she had the chance to step out of the house. The floral print is dizzying, but it's the kind of dress that Lou likes to see her wear.

It's just a small dinner at the Bodecker's house but Y/n opts for kitten heels instead of sensible flats. She feels obligated to look her best despite there being less people to dress for. She's never been alone with Florence save for that day at the grocery store. Florence is always dressed to the 10's and Y/n needs to look just as good, if not better. She claims to hate Lee, but it would be so satisfying if she caught Lee ogling her breasts.

"Are you ready?"

Y/n thought Lou was too dressed up for a home dinner of four. He wore a pinstriped suit and those nice leather shoes he bought himself around the holidays.

"As ready as I'll ever be," she sighs in an attempt to let off some steam.

It was a shorter drive than Y/n expected. Florence hadn't disclosed where she lived before, but Brewer Heights wasn't that for them to live at a distance. The sun was nearly dipped over the horizon and the remaining light that hits their house makes it look like a model home. Everything little aspect and detail Y/n was going to compare herself too. She lives in a nice house, but Florence lives in a nicer house. It tears her up knowing she has the ultimate upper hand over Florence in the form of her own husband and she can't even act upon it. She would royally fuck up her life and their lives too if she decide to let her jealousy get the best of her.

As she walks up their stairs as another man's wife, she accepts that she is jealous. She's always been jealous of Florence even when she didn't know her name. What made her so worthy of all of these things? Lee used to act like he hates the woman so she must be a bitch behind closed doors. It wouldn't be surprising if she is because most people in this town will smile in your face and then gossip about you a minute later.

Lou knocks on the door and only a second later Florence is opening the door with a big smile on her face and Lee right next to her. He wore his police uniform without the jacket while Florence looked like a Lilly Pulitzer catalog girl.

It only took one millisecond of their eyes locking together for Y/n to feel the electricity between her and Lee. She drags her eyes away from his, but she can bet that he has a smirk on her face. He always liked to see her squirm; in a good and bad way.

"Y/n, Llewellyn! I'm so glad you could make it! Why don't you come on in," Florence steps to the side, nudging Lee over with her, to make way for Y/n and her husband.

Her eyes scan over every inch of their house. It's warm, cozy, and oddly comforting. Everything little thing was in its place; perfectly dusted and polished. Y/n is sure that Lee had no hand in decorating this place, it screams Florence through and through.

"Dinner is almost ready. I started the scalloped potatoes a little too late, but it should be done soon! Y/n, do you want to help me set the table?"

Y/n didn't want to leave her husband alone with Lee, but she also didn't want to be in the room with just them. She nods at Florence and follows behind her to their kitchen.

The house smells like Lou's parent's house on holidays. Y/n's stomach rumbles and she doesn't realize how hungry she was. She despises herself for wanting Florence's cooking, but she barely ate today because of how nervous she was.

"I already laid out the place mates, you can place the plates and silverware."

Y/n picks up the expensive dining ware that Florence points towards. She wonders if Florence cooks like this all the time, even when Lee works well into the night.

The walls of their dining room have an awful floral pattern. Y/n is beginning to become sick at the sight of anything that pertains to flowers. The cedar table is perfect for accommodating guests and Y/n wonders how many dinner parties they had in this room. Florence seems to put a lot of stock into being a good hostess. Y/n herself has yet to throw a dinner party at her home, but setting the plates on someone else's dining room table feels like practice. She silently imagines her house filled with Lou's family as she cooks dinner for them.

Florence enters the room and starts placing the dishes in the middle of the table. Her presence takes Y/n out of her fantasy, and when she sees how Florence made a 3-course-meal she feels worse.

"Does the food look good? I tried some new recipes from Julia Child's cookbook to try to impress you and Llewellyn," she admits, "I wasn't sure what you two would like, but Lee loves when I make those recipes from Julia Child and I bet Llewellyn would love it too! I could lend you the book some time!"

"Of course. I love her work!" Y/n lies straight through her teeth. She has no clue who the hell Julia Child is.

Florence grabs one last thing before calling the husbands into the dining room. She places one beer on the coasters designated for Lee and Lou. Lou has never been much of a drinker, but she knows that Lee can knock down a few beers in one sitting. He might be on his best behavior tonight in front of his wife and company.

"Dinner's ready!" Florence called out.

Y/n took her seat on the right side of the table and Florence sat opposite of her. Their husbands come walking in laughing as if they were young boys sneaking back into the house during a family get together. Y/n doesn't like it; she doesn't like it at all. They look too cheery with each other and she knows that Lee is doing it on purpose — she can see it in his eyes when he quickly glances at her. He takes pride in making her uncomfortable. Y/n wishes she had that same affect on him to scare him off a bit, but no matter how chummy she gets with Florence, Lee looks unbothered.

Florence stands up from her seat as if she's presenting the food on the table to an audience. Everything is placed perfectly with the main dish being the middle of the smaller plates.

"This looks great honey, you made a whole feast," Lee walked up to Florence's side and kissed on the cheek. Y/n's eyes are trained on his hand snaking around her waist and giving her a light squeeze before letting go. When she pulls her eyes away from his hands, she sees that Florence almost looks shocked at her husband's affection; Lee is definitely putting on a show for Y/n and it's a damn good one.

Lee sits opposite of Lou and the first thing he does is open his beer. The food isn't even on plates anymore and he's drinking.

"I hope you like Schmidt's, Llewellyn. Lee loves it so it's all we have in the house."

"I'm not one to drink beer often, but I'll try it. And call me Lou, Florence."

Lou was acting out of his normal character. Him only interacting with his family and Y/n left him a bit awkward in the presence of others, but around Florence and Lee he seems to be much...warmer. If Lee was someone else then Y/n would be over the moon, but because it's him she can't even force herself to even look happy about it.

Y/n takes note of how Florence places portions of food on Lee's plate. They were small portions too. She was always strict about what he ate and how much he drank. She's surprised Florence is letting him drink tonight, but she must be trying to look nicer in front of guests.

Y/n was not as controlling as Florence. She always let Lou fix his plate to his liking. She thought it made her a good wife for letting her husband make his own decisions. But Y/n felt a tap on her shoulder after she finished making her own plate. He looked down at his empty plate before looking back at her and nodded towards the food.

"Y/n," he tries to whisper but his tone is rather harsh.

"What?" She whispers back in true confusion.

"My plate."

He looked at her as if she was crazy, as if it was a common occurrence for her to fix his plate. She starts to scramble to save herself from further embarrassment, the sound of silverware against plates so loud. She can feel the stares coming from the other side of the table but she doesn't dare look up.

Her skin began to grow hot. Her husband had embarrassed her in front of Lee and Florence. The worst part was when Florence tried to change the subject to something lighthearted to pull the attention off of Y/n. She felt small and useless. Lou never expected her to fix his plate, but he looked at her as if she was crazy for not doing so. She didn't want to spend dinner almost in tears. This changed behavior in her husband is giving her whiplash and making her dizzy.

"So, Y/n, did you enjoy the other night?"

"It was really nice Florence," she replies sheepishly.

"Susie and I put so much work into planning it. You should join us next time! We're going to start working on the fundraising events for Lee's next campaign-"

"Let's not talk about that tonight Florence," Lee interrupts. It was a moment that would've left Y/n embarrassed if she was in Florence's shoes but Florence was much better at masking her emotions. Only for a split second can Y/n see Florence flinch at his interjection before she just smiles.

"Sorry Lee, you know how excited I get about those things," she masks her apology in a cheery voice.

Dinner basically became a probe of Y/n and Lou's relationship. Florence wanted to know how they met, when they got married, how long they had been together, and what their future plans together were. Y/n let Lou answer the last question by herself because she genuinely didn't know what their future plans were. Lou usually wakes up and decides what major life change they're going to undertake, that's what happened when he decided to move to Brewer Heights.

When the topic of work came up, Y/n thought the coast was clear. Lou talked extensively about the work he does with his father and what his plan is for the next five years regarding the business.

"Once my father retires I'll have to hire someone to do his job. I didn’t go study in school after high school so I can't take over his position, even though it would make things easier."

"I'm sure you can find someone. I know it's rare for someone to leave the city and come to this little town, but Brewer Heights is always a nice incentive!"

"It is nice here," Lou agrees, "and it's quiet. We were in Meade before which is okay-"

"But, it's nothing like Brewer Heights," Florence interjects. "So, Y/n, what did you do before meeting Lou?"

Lee had not looked her way since the plate-fixing incident but his eyes were sure on her now. If his mouth wasn't stuffed with food he'd be grinning from ear to ear waiting for her answer. He knows she's not a good liar, but she's going to have to come up with something.

"I helped my mom with her business. She used to sell fruit preserves out of the house before she passed."

It wasn't a complete lie. She did help her mother label her jars, but that became less frequent when her hours picked up at Tecumseh. Her parents didn't know about her job either; she told them she was a waitress and it was a safe lie seeing as they didn't go out to diners.

"I'm sorry for your loss, I'm sure she was a lovely woman if she raised such a lovely daughter! Have you ever thought of continuing her business?"

"Not really. It was pretty small. I still make the preserves sometimes for Lou and I."

"If you wouldn't mind, would you be interested in making some for us one day? You don't have to if you don't want to, but it's just so hard to find any good fruit preserves around town." Florence's social habits were very transparent once you were around her for long; she tends to make it impossible for people to say no to her by making them feel bad about even possibly saying no.

"I'd love to Florence. I have fresh peaches at home and I can make peach preserves."

"Oh I'd love that so much," she fawns, "a jar for me and a jar for Lee! He loves his sweets."

"I'm not too big on peaches, Flo. You know I like cherries more."

"You always have," she leans into him and pats him on the chest before straightening up again.

The audacity of Lee is astounding, however not only is he a cop, he's the sheriff. It's such a cowardly move to pick at Y/n when she can't react, but what someone would call cowardly, he'd call fun. She looks like she wants to disappear from her spot and it scratches an itch for him. He missed seeing her get flustered and if he'd known that it would be much more enjoyable to taunt her while his wife was around, he would have found a reason a long time ago to bring her around.

And as if the night couldn't be more humiliating for her, Lou finished his plate before anyone else. He devoured the food on his plate, like a starved man. Y/n felt embarrassed when her husband went for seconds. He never eats this much at home, even when she makes his favorite meals. It makes her want to reach across the dinner table and smack Florence in the face. She hates her; she hates that she has to smile in her face and be friends with her. It's her own fault for continuing this "friendship" with Florence, but her rage makes her blind to her own faults.

She could ruin Florence's life with one sentence: "I've been fucking your husband for years." She'd cause a scene but it would be so gratifying.

Instead she just shuts her mouth and lets dinner continue without anymore incidents.

-

Y/n thought it would show she was grateful for dinner if she helped Florence with the dishes. She was glad to accept Y/n's help and the two spent their time in the kitchen while Lee and Lou sat on the back porch. With Lee's influence, Lou took another drink out back with him. Y/n wondered what they had to talk about, but she would truly not like to know.

"Your wife cooks like that every night, sheriff?"

"Enough with the title. And she cooks every night, but she went a little overboard since she was happy with having guests," he tells him. If it was anybody else, Lee would just answer the questions and not have any for himself. However, he really wants to know what Y/n has been up to since she's adopted this new image. "How about Y/n? Does she cook for you like that?"

"Not at all. She tries, but she's not the good of a cook," he brings the alcohol up to his lips before pulling away and sighing, "she tries but it's just not her best."

"Her mother didn't teach her how to cook?"

"I don't know much about her family. Her mother was dead when I met her and her father doesn't seem to be doing so well. They're from the same area as my folks but moved when they had Y/n. Maybe she was just too spoiled considering she's an only child."

Y/n's past was a mystery to Lee too, but he's surprised to learn she hasn't opened up to her husband. All he knows is that whether it was her home life or not, something had messed her up and it was almost made worse by her time at Tecumseh. He isn't sure how she made it out, but so much of her old life still bleeds through.

"You know I thought I was getting a good girl. One that would clean and have dinner ready when I get home," Lou continued.

Lee wanted to laugh in his face. Lou is proof that you can come from a smart family and still be dumb as rocks. How could he not know what type of girl Y/n was when he first laid eyes on her? She'd dress just like his sister Sandy; shorts that suffered from mistreatment over the years and a sleeveless blouse that was always stained. He's sure her hair was mussed up that day too. Many people would mistake her for a whore (which many people did see her as one even though she didn't outright sell her body to anyone).

"It can't be that bad," Lee tried to vouch for his former lover. Even he can name some good qualities about her; they just don't include any wifely qualities.

"It's not, but things could be better. Anytime I tell her to shape-up she gets this timid look on her face and flinches a little bit. I try to be nice and gentle but I'm losing my patience with her. I’m not looking to leave her, but what’s the point of marrying a woman who can’t do anything? She won’t even talk to me about having kids — was Florence ever like this?”

“No. Her family is from here so she’s been primed to be a housewife. But I will say it’s not all that fun havin’ a doting wife…she’s overbearing at times and I can never unwind with her around. She’s always on my ass about somethin’.”

Lee felt the need to vouch for Y/n. Anytime he would go to Tecumseh, she would accompany out back or get into his cruiser whenever he told her to. All the gritty things he dealt with at work, everything he kept inside, he dumped it on her. Florence would never sit there to listen to his grievances. Lee would never admit it, but he was vulnerable around Y/n, he knew that she would always be there to listen and he attached himself to that. In the beginning she wasn’t willingly listening to his problems but by the end she was. She took care of him when he was too drunk to go home, or she would let him take his stress and frustration out on her body. However, it doesn’t seem as if Lou is budging; his mind is made up.

“I work long hours. My father is putting more responsibilities on me. I put Y/n in that nice home, the least she could do is not serve me burnt food. Hangin’ around Florence and that Susie woman should have at least influenced her or something,” he continued to complain.

Florence was the last person that would be able to influence a girl like Y/n. Lee didn't know why his wife was seemingly grooming that girl. If anything it was just another person for her to control since Lee started telling her to knock it off. The only time she can get away with controlling her husband is if they're in the company of others where Lee has to be on his best behavior.

Y/n is not the type to be influenced by another woman. The only woman she held in high regard was her mother. Y/n listens to male authority. She listens to a man that will rough her up a little bit but then be sweet on her afterwards. She’s a little fucked up and jaded from her former “profession.” Lee knows this, but not Lou. He seems to know nothing of her past and Lee isn’t going to snitch on her.

“I can talk to Florence and see if she can do something. I know she likes taking people under her wing and shit. She seems to really like Y/n too.”

“I’d greatly appreciate that Lee. I know I sound like I’m hard on her, but I do love her. It’s hard for me to show when she just doesn’t put any effort in.”

"Don't worry. I'll talk to Florence — I'll make everything right."

[stonefreeak]

My goodness people, I’m so sorry for the delay! I’ve been working on the structuring of my files to get a better overview of what remains of the project, to hopefully be able to speed writing up (even as work really means that my free-time is much more limited than it was once upon a time, lmao. Sometimes I miss December of 2016 when this whole thing started, 33k in a month of updates, amirite?)

it’s taken me so long I’m wondering if anyone even remember this plot point at this point, lmao

Also: belated happy midsummers to all my fellow Swedes!

Bail taps his finger against this desk and stairs unseeingly at the datapad in front of him.

He hadn't been sure if the information Aleena Yashi gave him, though she's worked as an assistant to multiple senators over the years, was true. But everything checks out. He briefly wondered why she would come to him about it, rather than Senator Lobos who she's currently working for... But perhaps it's because he's known to have a favourable view of the Jedi that she's done so. Perhaps it's because all of this information mostly pertains to the Jedi and the laws surrounding them, and she wanted a prominent Senator who she could trust not to hide the information away because they don't care for the Jedi.

Bail, a Core World Senator well known for his good relationship with the Jedi and friendship with the current Supreme Chancellor, must have seemed like the best option for her. He wonders who else would have been on her list, before she settled on him, but he chose not to ask when she visited him. Perhaps it's better if he doesn't know; it hardly matters now anyway.

He looks down at the datapad again and considers his options.

He should probably discuss her findings with her, and see what exactly her goal is. If he's to do something about this, then he wants her involved even as he gathers support from other senators.

He has no doubt that Padmé will agree to add her support to Bail to help sort this mess out, but considering that they've both been involved with the investigation they're conducting into Jedi missions being altered... Well, Bail wants more Senators involved this time. Just to ensure that it cannot be taken as some form of conspiracy in favour of the Jedi. As ridiculous as that notion seems, Bail is not blind to the way many Senators look at the Jedi, nor to the fact that many of them don't seem to believe that they're really capable of what they say they are.

Few people besides the Jedi truly believe in the Force, after all.

Few people could believe in something they cannot know for themselves when others supposedly have a direct connection to it. Bail is one of the few who does believe them, he's seen what the Jedi can do first-hand. There's nothing else that can account for that kind of power besides this Force they talk of. They and other groups out there, it’s not only the Jedi, after all.

Besides, he knows many of them personally, and while Bail may not understand or follow all of their beliefs or traditions, he also knows that they're not a bunch of charlatans faking it for power of money—though he knows some of his fellow senators believe that to be the case. Even senators on Coruscant, who've seen Jedi in real life, seem to believe them little more than myth.

Bail has been kept up to date on the investigation into the Jedi missions, though he’s not taking an active role in it right now, and he’s certain that he has been kept in the loop to give legitimacy to the investigation. Give it a proper paper trail, even if it’s done with the Senate’s highest level of security. A strictly need-to-know basis, and until it’s finished, no one else needs to know.

Of course, Bail asked Obi-Wan in private if he would be allowed to tell Breha. As his Queen and the leader of Bail’s planet, he found it important to clue her in on it. Besides, it’s another step of legitimacy. After all, if Breha takes an active stance on it, then so does Alderaan.

If anyone wants to accuse the investigation at a later date for being a sham… Well, they will need to accuse Alderaan of engaging in it in the first place. Bail isn’t stupid enough to think that it’s not one of the primary reasons Obi-Wan agreed with Bail’s request.

They’re friends, and Obi-Wan likes Breha, but this is not about being friends. This is about political allyship and keeping sensitive information on as tight a lock-down as they can until the time  to reveal it comes.

Besides, as worried as Bail has become with Miss Yashi’s information, it’s even worse when considered together with the altered Jedi missions and not in the least… Well, the war time propaganda. There's no point in shying away from what it is, and the ramifications it has.

Considering how most of the war time propaganda—Bail can acknowledge it for what it is, there truly is no point in trying to deny the facts—focuses almost exclusively on the clones and their efforts in the war, it's hardly strange that the general population neither know nor understand them.

Further considering the information that Bail has now confirmed to be real and accurate... He understands that the omission of the Jedi is entirely deliberate. If you want to discredit and undermine the Jedi, why would you ever speak of their accomplishments and sacrifices? You wouldn't, as that would bring public support to them.

Bail sighs and rolls his shoulders.

He needs to build a following, he cannot properly push this alone. But he also understands why Miss Yashi brought it to him alone, first. A Core World Senator is far harder to make "disappear" than a Twi'lek Senatorial aide, no matter how awful that is to say. Bail can't go missing, and any attempt on his life would have a bit more trouble hitting its mark.

That's not to say that it would be impossible for someone to assassinate him, which is of course why he'll make sure that Breha is entirely up to speed on everything.

All of it together... There is some form of conspiracy to discredit or perhaps even get rid of the Jedi; Bail is sure of it. But he cannot see to what end. What are they trying to achieve?

For what reason would anyone work to discredit the Jedi? What is the end goal to strive for? There’s no way for the politicians to dissolve the Jedi Order, they are not in that way under Senate control. They could, of course, remove all of their backing, forcing the Jedi to become free agents, certainly…

But for what purpose? It would leave the Republic without the Jedi as peacekeepers, for the Jedi would hardly remain to do diplomacy work for the Senate without its backing. After all, what would the point be? Without the Senate’s backing, the Jedi would have far less ability to do anything.

How could they negotiate treaties if the Senate won’t honour them?

They could, perhaps, be a neutral third party within discussions. But there’s no reason for anyone to listen to their input in such a case. It’s hard enough to get disagreeing parties to listen to external input when you come with powerful backing that could make you listen even if you refuse.

How could they function with no funding? They would need to work on commission, at which point only those who can afford their help can get it. That would be the opposite of an improvement.

To not even begin to talk about how few of them there are, how few of them there were even before the war. Their population is not even a hundredth of a percent of Alderaan’s population, and Alderaan is only a single planet within the tens of thousands of star systems that make up the Republic—nevermind the entire galaxy. There’s just not enough of them, and hasn’t that always been a problem even while they’re working under the Republic? Too few, spread too thin.

No, if the Jedi became free agents, their ability to affect change would be greatly diminished. Bail is quite certain they’d work on much smaller scales, still trying to do what they can for the galaxy, bit by bit. Working with smaller communities on planets and moons… If they even had the ability to find out about disputes that may need their help in the first place.

Losing the Jedi as peacekeepers isn’t a win for the Republic either, as the budget for the Jedi was already miniscule even before it started being diminished—as Miss Yashi’s discovery shows. It cannot be an attempt at cost saving, or an idea of improvement for the Republic. Needing to train their own diplomats and ensure that they have skilled enough guards… That would be more expensive and it would not be able to guarantee that these diplomats are neutral in conflicts.

The Jedi have no specific allegiances the way diplomats and even Senators have. Even the least corrupt Senator will still place their own planet and star system first. It is part of their role, after all.

So no, it cannot be something like that. Not unless the people slowly enacting this are horribly misguided and foolish. Not to mention, Bail knows most Senators would simply call for making away with the Jedi entirely, rather than this slow plan to undercut them.

No… There must be something else going on here, some other primary goal whoever is pulling these strings is looking out to do.

He’ll need to figure it out, no doubt, Bail concludes.

But beyond that, he also needs to build a base to help him bring this information he’s been given to the Senate’s attention. He is quite sure already who he should be looking towards first: Senator Ach’ki Mandai of Haa’ndu.

Who better to help him bring this to Senate attention than the Senator who ensured a Jedi now sits as the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic?

—

(Supreme Chancellor Obi-Wan Kenobi masterpost)

[appleflavoredkitkats]

Manipulation of the Most Vulnerable

An Analysis of Fundy’s Dream in Las Nevadas Episode 3

i. INTRODUCTION

This essay is going to be analyzing the entirety of Fundy’s portion in Las Nevadas’ third episode. Like always, do not view this essay as gospel as I am not a flawless human being; I am merely giving my own personal opinions and thoughts about the scene. Additionally, all the people referred to in this essay pertains to the content creators’ fictional counterparts on the Dream SMP.

If you enjoy the essay, or just want to support me in general, reblogging the essay will mean so much to me! I work hard on these essays, so I do hope you get to enjoy them.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: manipulation, mentions of past violence, terrible mental states, possibly c!Quackity critical, insecurities, and self-worth issues

ii. QUACKITY’S BLATANT MANIPULATION AND THE DREAM SEQUENCE

What is a Legacy?

Legacy (ˈle-gə-sē)

“Something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.”

As we begin discovering one’s purpose in life, naturally, we do anything in our power to fulfil them. But as we begin to do more, to get closer and closer to achieving our sense of purpose in this world, sometimes we have to ask ourselves: Is it enough? How much have I truly changed and impacted through my life’s purpose? Will what I do be deemed worthy enough for people to remember me by? Is this my legacy?

What is a legacy?

If you are a Hamilton fan like me, you might look at that and respond with “it’s planting seeds in a garden we never get to see.” But truly, what is a legacy? Can our legacies simply be defined by everything we’ve achieved in our lifetime no matter how big or small they might be, or is it defined by creating notable shifts in society that people will remember you by for centuries and centuries?

[full essay is under the cut! it’s 7k words :0]

To Quackity, your legacy is what something history remembers you by. Quackity is a very caring man, and at first, he believed he could guarantee his safety through pacifism. But after his conversation with Wilbur, he realized that the only way he can gain peace is through power, and to gain power, one has to be violent. That is the only way he could make a change in the Dream SMP, to guarantee his safety. He has to make as much noise as possible before he can finally lay low and rest.

And if his plans do succeed, if he can finally bring peace in the SMP despite achieving it through very torturous means, then he can have a wondrous legacy people can remember him by. To me, I’m not exactly sure if he prioritizes his safety through gaining power or his legacy more, but either way, a great legacy may be a byproduct of his plans for peace if executed correctly.

If he succeeds in creating a positive legacy for himself, a positive legacy for Las Nevadas, then there is a chance that he may guarantee that other people who join him may have a similar legacy as well. 

This is what he promises to Foolish, Purpled, and Fundy. These three, in Quackity’s eyes, are people with the potential of being something, but have stayed on the sidelines for too long. So, knowing that the entire SMP has lacked recognition and respect for these three members, Quackity gives them a misleading ultimatum: Join Quackity and have a chance to finally be highly recognized in the SMP, or deny his request and become nothing.

The truth is, our legacies as human beings don’t have to be defined by how remembered we are if we don’t want it to be that way. But with Quackity’s charm and with how vulnerable Foolish, Purpled, and Fundy are, it’s easy for Quackity to make them believe whatever he tells them to believe. 

Fundy’s Low Self-Worth

Out of the three, I think Fundy established his low sense of self-worth for the longest time. Ever since L’Manberg, it’s evident that Fundy didn’t like being infantilized by anyone. Despite this, Fundy is seen to appeal to any bout of recognition he can get. Whether it’d be Quackity giving him more recognition than Wilbur during the Elections, or Schlatt complimenting him on his hard work for Manberg, or him appreciating anyone who claims they want to adopt him, Fundy will easily appeal to recognition and praise. I’d even argue that he dictates his own self-worth depending on how much people give him recognition. 

And now, with Fundy being the most isolated and alone he has ever been, he is very much vulnerable to, well, anything, really. If Quackity decides to manipulate Fundy to join Las Nevadas, he doesn’t have to do much. Even the smallest bouts of recognition, the smallest threats, the smallest anything can be enough to push him to do whatever Quackity wants because, again, Fundy is currently at his lowest state possible.

While I’ll discuss more on Quackity’s manipulation tactics later, we can easily denote how little Quackity did to make Fundy feel pressured enough to agree to his request. Fundy’s entire portion was literally thirteen minutes long. As much as Fundy stuttered and protested a bit when Quackity told him he didn’t matter, Fundy was mostly silent during the last few scenes. 

Fundy depends on other people to dictate his self-worth, so when he’s the most alone he’s ever been, of COURSE he clings onto the first opportunity he gets to finally be remembered once again. No matter how many times he’s been warned by Phil and his dreams, no matter how much he can protest against Quackity, Fundy realizes that this is the best opportunity he can get to receive even an ounce of recognition.

Even if it is, well, fake. It’s better than nothing, he supposes.

Was the Quackity We Saw Real?

From what I’ve understood, I think that it is heavily implied that Fundy’s dream sequence will become a reality. At 1:16:42 of Quackity’s stream, Dream!Quackity says, “Fundy! My good ol’ friend, how’ve you been?” which is exactly the same thing the real Quackity says in 1:25:57. 

Additionally, a lot of Quackity’s word choices in Fundy’s dream sequence make so much more sense if you applied them in real life. This is how I believed the entire dream sequence could be applied to reality: Fundy wakes up in the same home with Quackity outside of his door. They stroll through nature for a while before approaching the remains of L’Manberg. While their conversation about the decorations might’ve been done above the crater, I think that the entire Camarvan scene was set in Eret’s museum, something not too far away from the crater. Afterwards, the last scene takes place they return back to L’Manberg, entering Eret’s abandoned tower.

I’m going to list down everything said that could possibly hint that this dream sequence will happen in real life. There’ll also be some additional notes for certain quotes I’d love to expound on.

“Take a walk with me, take a little walk with me. Don’t you enjoy the fresh air? Don’t you enjoy the beautiful outdoors? I sure do.” - Quackity, 1:16:52-1:17:01

If we substitute the current scenery with where Fundy’s home actually is, I do think it makes a lot more sense as Fundy kind of lives in the middle of the woods.

“What do you mean ‘how am I here’, Fundy? I found you! It’s exactly what I wanted to do- was to find you. And you know- you’re a hard person to find. But I’m glad I found you!” - Quackity, 1:17:16-1:17:27

Fundy has recently built a new house in the middle of the woods and has not told anyone in the SMP about his whereabouts. Again, if you substitute the current scenery with Fundy’s actual home, then what Quackity’s saying makes a lot more sense.

“Fundy, don’t you enjoy the great outdoors? It feels so free! It feels so full of life, full of energy, don’t you think, Fundy?” - Quackity, 1:17:37-1:17:49

Something something, substitute the scenery with the forest Fundy lives in, something something.

“What is this place?” 

“Fundy, you should know this place better than anyone. You should know it better than anyone, Fundy, what do you mean ‘what is this place’? You should know it better than anyone else, Fundy. You and me, actually! You don’t remember what this place is, what it means? Come on, don’t tell me you already forgot.” - Fundy and Quackity, 1:18:03-1:18-26

If this was set above the crater, this piece of dialogue also makes sense. 

“What is all of this doing here? It was gone, it was blown up-”

“This was home, Fundy, it was home! No, Fundy, it’s always been here, we’ve always been here. You and me, we’ve always been here.” - Fundy and Quackity, 1:19:48-1:20:01

To explain the Camarvan- I do think that there’s a possibility that they entered Eret’s museum and viewed it from there. Additionally, Quackity’s response can still be applied in the real world if you interpret his statements as “Well, it’s blown up, but we still consider this place as home! ‘Home’ still exists, you know?”.

While we can’t fully confirm whether Fundy’s real meeting with Quackity went as it did in the dream, I do think that something would have happened in a similar fashion. After all, we did see Fundy at the end of Foolish’s stream “Las Nevadas - Dream SMP (LORE)” at Las Nevadas. Maybe he was also manipulated and offered the same thing Dream!Quackity offered in real life?

Quackity’s Manipulation

Here comes the juicy bit. If we assume that what Quackity did in Fundy’s dream will also happen in real life, then I will refer to everything in that dream as fact, okay? Now, I think it’s clear to everyone that Quackity is a really good manipulator. He is meticulous with his word choice and can make his statements sound believable through his charm. 

I’ll try explaining all the tactics he uses here, then later, I’ll list down everything Quackity says and try to connect it back to different manipulation tactics I’ve mentioned.

The tactic Quackity uses the most is how he uses pronouns. When Quackity refers to himself with the “I” pronoun, he always seems to present as a good friend to Fundy, as Fundy’s savior. This can also be applied when he uses the “we” pronoun as he implies that certain accomplishments were only achieved when Fundy did it WITH Quackity. When he refers to Fundy using the “you” pronoun, he always does it to remind Fundy of certain mishaps and mistakes. As if to say that these awful situations were Fundy’s fault, not Quackity’s. This tactic is mostly used for victims of manipulation to believe that their manipulators are their saviors, that their manipulators can do no wrong. At the same time, they begin to doubt their own selves as their manipulators continuously associate these victims with negative words.

Another tactic Quackity uses is praise and speaking on behalf of Fundy. It doesn’t happen as much as the first tactic, but at certain parts, Quackity seems to be instructing Fundy what he’s feeling. That he doesn’t matter, that he won’t be remembered; you don’t even notice that Fundy barely even spoke in the dream sequence because Quackity mostly spoke on his behalf. Additionally, during the L’Manberg scenes, Quackity continuously praised Fundy. Not only does the constant praise butter Fundy up, but it also preys on Fundy’s insecurities. If Fundy depends on others to dictate his self-worth, then of COURSE Quackity praising Fundy could be easily seen as manipulation as Quackity uses Fundy’s insecurities for his own advantages.

Another tactic Quackity uses is that he constantly brings up their past of working together to make it seem like it’s them versus the rest of the world. Never has Quackity looked like the flawed person in the conversation. Never has Quackity brought up the fact that they’ve fought multiple times in New L’Manberg . Quackity made it seem like that the others were in the wrong, that they were both victims of unfortunate circumstances, but Quackity always remarked that they were able to make it through everything together.

Lastly, this is less frequent, but at certain parts of the sequence, Quackity outright ignores questions uttered by Fundy and changes the subject to talk about something else. Literally just ignored him. Do I even have to explain why Quackity ignoring Fundy could possibly be a manipulation tactic to make Fundy feel more inferior?

Now, there are probably more manipulation tactics I’ve missed, but granted, I am NOT in any way an expert and wouldn’t know the specifics when it comes to gaslighting. Even then, we can all agree that Quackity is, indeed, manipulating Fundy, and to further expound on this, I’m going to list down every single line or action done by Quackity and explain why they could be considered as manipulation.

I do want to mention that, when viewing some of these lines alone, they may not SEEM to be manipulative, but we also have to consider that successful manipulation and gaslighting is a gradual process. A single, harmless-seeming line can be damaging when you view the full scope of things. 

“Fundy! My good ol’ friend, how’ve you been?” - Quackity, 1:16:42-1:16:46

A lot of the quotes here are going to follow the first tactic I’ve mentioned where Quackity continuously uses first-person pronouns to make Fundy think positively when it comes to Quackity, but uses second-person pronouns to antagonize Fundy.

“What do you mean ‘how am I here’, Fundy? I found you! It’s exactly what I wanted to do- was to find you. And you know- you’re a hard person to find. But I’m glad I found you! I think that’s the most important thing: that we are here together now. And I am finally speaking to you- I think that’s the greatest thing!” - Quackity, 1:17:16-1:17:35

This, I think, is the first comment from Quackity that screams “SUS.” While we can interpret it in a literal sense, we can also view it in a metaphorical sense. Quackity is claiming that Fundy is hard to find, but despite the difficulty, Quackity found him! Amongst everyone in the SMP, it’s Quackity who is the first to find him! That’s what Quackity wants Fundy to believe: that Quackity is his savior for finding him, that it’s better for Fundy to even be here WITH him. The “greatest thing”, apparently, is Quackity being able to speak to Fundy, and nothing else.

“Fundy, don’t you enjoy the great outdoors? It feels so free! It feels so full of life, full of energy, don’t you think, Fundy?” - Quackity, 1:17:37-1:17:49

While I’m not sure if this counts, I do think Quackity’s insistence that Fundy enjoys the great outdoors kind of implies that Quackity is speaking on behalf of Fundy. Additionally, he doesn’t even let Fundy reply to his question? At the beginning, he repeatedly asks Fundy how he is, but he never gives Fundy an opportunity to reply. Either Fundy seems too dazed out of thought, or Quackity immediately interrupts Fundy and says something else.

“Fundy, you should know this place better than anyone. You should know it better than anyone, Fundy, what do you mean ‘what is this place’? You should know it better than anyone else, Fundy. You and me, actually! You don’t remember what this place is, what it means? Come on, don’t tell me you already forgot.” - Quackity, 1:18:03-1:18-26

Now we get to the “you” pronouns. Quackity repeatedly insists that Fundy should have known better, or Fundy should have had better memory. This adds onto the idea that Quackity attributes positive ideas to himself, but whenever something’s wrong, he blames it on Fundy. 

“You’re telling me you don’t remember that place right there? When we had the huge elections? Or how about… Fundy, do you remember when we tried to kill Technoblade and we failed? That’s where I got my scar! What about the festival? Do you remember the festival, Fundy? The balloons and the decorations. I never had anything to do with the decorations, Fundy, I- I just… sat back and watched people do it because I’m not good with decorations but… you know.” - Quackity, 1:18:29-1:19:05

Now, Quackity begins to remind Fundy about their joint past together. While not seemingly manipulative, Quackity is basically trying to remind Fundy that there are multiple instances in the past where they were allies, implying that now, they must still be allies. Quackity is trying to remind Fundy that they worked best when they were together, giving Fundy the impression that Quackity is someone to be trusted. It doesn’t help when later on, we realize that Quackity is doing all this sweet talk only for him to convince Fundy to join Las Nevadas. Additionally, during Quackity’s spiel, he continues to ignore a lot of Fundy’s remarks and questions.

“What about the elections? You were part of the elections, do you remember? You were- you ran for president too!”

“I did! And I got the worst votes. I did not even get close…” 

“But you tried and I think that was the most important thing. You ran with Niki and you made the Coconut party.”

“Yeah! We tried.” - Quackity and Fundy, 1:19:14-1:19:36

Quackity’s buttering him up. Most people tend to ignore Fundy and Niki’s party in the elections, and I think this is the first time I’ve seen someone acknowledge it in a positive manner? Again, Fundy thrives when receiving recognition, so complimenting him is an easy way for Quackity to get Fundy to trust him. But of course, he has to keep compliments to a minimum because he doesn’t want Fundy feeling too confident about himself.

“Is that what I think it is? It’s the van, Fundy! Do you remember all the great memories we had in the van?”

“What is all this doing here? This is crazy!”

“No, this is home, Fundy! This is home.”

“What is all of this doing here? It was gone, it was blown up-”

“This was home, Fundy, it was home! No, Fundy, it’s always been here, we’ve always been here. You and me, we’ve always been here.” - Quackity and Fundy, 1:19:41-1:20:02

Quackity is asserting that a lot of good memories were born from the van. Granted, he does acknowledge that they’ve had some arguments in the van later on, but their conversation seemed too… optimistic. Quackity convinces Fundy that they’ve shared a lot of good experiences when they were in the van together even if we KNOW that in NLM, most of the time, they only used the van when they had to discuss an awful issue. But Quackity here is convincing him that them working together in this van was HOME to Fundy. He’s convincing Fundy that he can always find a home in their friendship when we know that’s probably false.

“The amount of times we came here when we were incredibly stressed, but we always- we always figured out a way, I mean, I guess.”

“We always figured out a way, Fundy, we always figured out a way.” - Fundy and Quackity, 1:20:15-1:20:26

And see? The manipulation is working. Fundy’s beginning to look at his past with a positive light because Quackity’s trying to convince him that all the experiences they’ve shared together are great. And Quackity agrees to Fundy’s statement! Again, he’s building up Fundy’s trust in Quackity by convincing him that their moments together in the past were all sunshine and rainbows.

“Oh that brings back memories- I mean, I don’t know if they’re good memories- It’s literally a drug lab, but… yeah, you know-”

“Everything is good memories, Fundy. All the experience and everything we did together. You know I wasn’t here for the start but I was sure part of everything, you know, towards the end, when it was all, you know, just blatantly destroyed. But it’s here now! That’s what matters is that it’s here, and that it’s never actually gone.” - Fundy and Quackity, 1:20:41-1:21:09

And here’s Quackity reaffirming that yes, every experience we had in the past is good, and that we should acknowledge them as good memories. Fundy seemed like he was going to doubt the goodness of his memories, but Quackity immediately interjects, convincing him that it is. He tells Fundy that their moments together is really all that matters. These so-called “good memories” still exist, and Quackity implies that these memories can still live on because their friendship is still as stable as it was in the past. Something something, Quackity convinces Fundy that their friendship is good so he can build trust and get Fundy to do whatever he wants later on, something something.

“Fundy do you remember when- when L’Manberg was destroyed? It was blown up to pieces!”

“Everything was gone. It was done multiple times. Every time it was reb-”

“There was nothing we can do about it. There’s nothing we can do about it- unless you can do something about it.” - Quackity and Fundy, 1:21:22-1:21:41

Now here’s where Quackity begins to ask something from Fundy. Here, Quackity’s seen leading Fundy to Eret’s tower, so you know things are about to go down. Here, Quackity implies Fundy can do something about this cycle of violence, but what Quackity wants Fundy to do seems kind of… vague. He’s leading Fundy on, motivating Fundy he can do something, but not mentioning what he can actually do. This is so that afterwards, when Quackity presents his plan, Fundy may believe that it may help stop the cycle of violence in the SMP. Additionally, Quackity implies that all of this depends on Fundy, so Fundy may feel obligated to accept the plan, but in reality, Quackity may be possibly recruiting Fundy for his own benefit.

“Look, look up! It’s a tower.”

“The amount of battles we’ve fought from up here… down on Dream and Technoblade as well.”

“Yeah, Fundy! You remember that, right?”

“Yeah, I do!”

“Remember all these things we did for our country. It was great!” - Quackity and Fundy, 1:21:52-1:22:13

This is like the millionth time Quackity asks if Fundy remembered a certain “good” experience they had, as if he really wanted Fundy to believe that they were genuinely good memories. And here, we finally see Fundy respond positively, now fully believing that these memories were, indeed, great. It seems like Quackity has finally gotten Fundy to trust him completely by this point.

“But you know what, Fundy? Those memories don’t matter. None of that matters, Fundy. All these structures, all these things we’ve built together- it’s here now, but it’s really gone! And none of it matters, nor will it ever matter. Fundy, if you think about it, YOU don’t matter.” - Quackity, 1:22:18-1:22:46

Here we go, boys. Quackity begins to reveal his true intentions to Fundy. Here, he practically confirms that he doesn’t actually think highly of those past experiences as much as he claimed he did earlier. Again, all of it was a ploy for him to get Fundy to trust him, and now, Quackity begins to reveal his true plans. Additionally, Quackity begins discussing legacies again, or I guess, his perception of what a legacy is. This view on legacies is honestly quite an awful perspective for Fundy as he already has trouble finding a sense of self-worth on his own. Now that Quackity is telling him that he’s nothing unless he does something about it, Fundy’s perception on self-worth will become even more skewed.

“Along with all these structures and everything in ‘em, you’re gonna fade away just like it. Do you see how the sand in the winds slowly deteriorates the structure that we stand upon right now? That’s what’s gonna happen to you, but it’s not gonna be sand and wind, it’s gonna be time, Fundy. It’s gonna be time. You don’t matter, Fundy, that’s what you have to realize. You WON’T matter if you don’t change things up. That’s why you’re in the position that you’re in right now.” - Quackity, 1:22:49-1:23-26

Again with the same legacy talk. As much as we know that Quackity is a master manipulator, I still wonder if he genuinely wants to provide Fundy a real legacy, or is trying to use Fundy to benefit his own legacy. Either way, no matter how genuine Quackity’s concerns are, this perspective on self-worth is still a toxic philosophy for someone like Fundy who needs to learn that self-worth depends on yourself and not some other factors like other people and legacies.

Also, gotta mention that he’s doing the pronoun switch again. He didn’t say “I think you don’t matter,” he says, “YOU don’t matter”. It’s very subtle, but Quackity switching pronouns means he’s trying to emphasize that these horrible things Fundy is experiencing is Fundy’s fault entirely.

“But, you know what? It doesn’t have to be that way, and I can help you. I have big plans, Fundy. I have big plans… and, you know what? As a fellow cabinet member, I wanna bring you in on these plans because I know the experience you have. I know what you’ve been through because I’ve been through it as well. You can change things and be something. You don’t have to end up like this structure: alone, destroyed, nothing else to it. Fundy, Fundy, all you have to do is join me. Join me in my projects. I’ll give you the tools to succeed. I’ll give you the tools to finally be someone because you’re nobody right now. Nothing’s gonna happen if you let time take you away, Fundy. I can help you be someone. You can join me, Fundy. You can join me in the things that I’m doing. And I know you have the capacity to do big things, but the way things are right now, you’re not gonna be anything. You’re never gonna be anything. You’re gonna end up just like this building. You’re gonna end up alone. You’re gonna let time take you away. You’re going to die, and no one is going to remember you… just like it happened in L’Manberg. You understand now what I’m saying Fundy?”

“What do you expect me to do? What do you expect me to do?”

“Take the tools that I’m giving you, Fundy. Take the tools and do something big. I’m offering them to you right now. You can have ‘em. You can be someone else. You can be someone big. Fundy, I’m gonna give you ten seconds to decide.” - Quackity and Fundy, 1:23:46-1:25:31

And this is quite long, but notice the shift in pronouns. When using “you” like in the previous quote, Quackity attributed it with something negative, but now he’s using “I” and he’s attributing it to something positive. He claims that while Fundy might be in a terrible position, Quackity can save him, can help him. 

Additionally, Quackity is trying to speak on Fundy’s behalf once more. He claims that he understands, describing what Fundy might possibly feel like in thorough detail. Now that Fundy trusts him, Fundy can’t protest. Sure, he did utter a few murmurs, but by the end of Quackity’s spiel, he somewhat agrees.

And he offers him the misleading ultimatum: join Quackity, or you will be nothing. With the amount of times Quackity has planted that Fundy is the cause of his own demise and the amount of times Quackity poses as a solution to Fundy’s own problems, of COURSE Fundy feels pressured to accept the offer. Even if he was warned by the book, even if Fundy is possibly smarter than what he leads on, Fundy was extremely gaslit to the point where he thinks accepting the offer is the most ideal choice. And that’s what he (presumably) does. He accepts it.

iii. POSSIBLE SYMBOLISMS

Just like Fundy’s first Las Nevadas lore stream, this stream is also littered with possible symbolisms. So, I’ll try my best to explain them all.

Experience Points and Numbers

Now, I want to emphasize that as much as I am a mathematics nerd, I may be calculating this incorrectly. But anyway, Fundy is seen to have two different levels: 3 in the overworld, and 7 in his dream.

Let’s focus on the overworld first:

So, as much as I’d like to dig into the number 3, I do think we have to take note of the EXP more than the level Fundy’s on. To get to the third level, you’d need 27 EXP. To calculate for the remaining, we have to denote that he needs 13 EXP to get to the next level. We have to note down that approximately 15/18 bars are filled, so 15/18 of 13 is approximately 11. I can get more into detail about the extra few bars filled, but trust me, it results in the same number when we round it off anyway, so we don’t need to explain that. Anyway, 11 + 27 = 38. 38 is a very familiar number, don’t you think? It’s the number of potatoes Fundy had in the “Fundy’s Mind” stream! 

According to angelnumber.org, the number 38 means the following:

“The combination of these two numbers makes the number 38 a number which signifies joy and optimism, courage, finding creative ways to materialize abundance, reality, etc.

The essence of the number 38 in numerology are different kind of relationships, such as romantic ones, business partnerships, teamwork, cooperation, diplomacy, etc.

Number 38 people have a talent for dealing with people in a caring and creative way. They are born team-workers. They need interaction with other people to fully enjoy their lives. They are usually optimistic and have a gift of inspiring others to action.”

Needing interaction from other people, they say? Interactions that even come from people like business partners? And afterwards, they can materialize abundance, like financial success?

Besides that, if we connect the number 38 to gambling, 38 is very prominent in a game of roulette as in the American style of roulette, there are thirty-eight pockets in one wheel.

Now, what about Fundy’s level in the dream?

We can think of 7 as somewhat of a lucky number when it comes to poker as it connects to the lucky number 7 in slot machines.

If we want to look more into this, we gotta calculate for the EXP. To get to the seventh level, we need 91 EXP. To calculate for the remaining EXP, we have to denote that we need 21 EXP to get to the eighth level. Approximately, 8/18 bars are filled up, so we have to find the 8/18 of 21. 8/18 of 21 = 9.33333, or rounded off, it’s 9. Add 9 to 91, we get the perfect number 100. 

According to angelnumber.org, the number 100 means the following:

“The angel number 100 signifies infinite potential, self – determination, isolation, wholeness, self – sufficiency and independence.

People who resonate with this number are very independent and self –sufficient.

They enjoy exploring new things and gaining knowledge. They don’t mind being alone and doing the things they enjoy. This number brings them leadership qualities and openness.”

This is interesting because the meaning here completely contradicts the meaning of the number 38. To me, I feel like this represents how Fundy is able to heal and to overcome his self-worth issues. He may feel like he needs to depend on other people, but in reality, Fundy’s self-worth can completely be honed by himself. This represents a Fundy who is finally able to find the true worth in himself without depending on other people’s input. But for now, this reality remains in Fundy’s head, in Fundy’s dreams, and he needs to find a way to make this become his true reality.

Additionally, going back to the gambling motif, 100 is the highest possible poker chip one can have when gambling. This can direct back to Fundy’s connections to Quackity, the person with the highest authority in Las Nevadas.

Color Symbolism (The Importance of Orange)

I’ve established this in an essay in the past, but orange is an important color to Fundy. If I remember correctly, cc!Fundy’s favorite color is orange, so I’d like to believe that, for Fundy, orange would represent “happiness” or “safety”.

The first time we see orange in his portion is actually outside of his dream: his bed.

And it’s quite interesting because in Fundy’s “Fundy’s Mind” stream, these three beds all used to be orange. From my understanding, these two extra beds were meant to represent two other people Fundy may consider as friends. In the “Fundy’s Mind” stream, Fundy showed that only Ranboo and Niki were online, implying that the two extra beds were for them. If orange is meant to represent happiness, then it's implied he viewed Niki and Ranboo as his source for happiness.

But now, the two beds next to him are white, implying that he lost his sources of happiness. As if he had stopped communicating with Niki and Ranboo entirely.

Other places we see orange are in the dream itself.

Instead of the typical yellow sand desert we expect from Fundy’s dreams, we see a badlands biome. Yes, the name of the sand is “Red Sand”, but I don’t care because it just LOOKS orange, okay? It’s interesting that instead of yellow, the desert poses as Fundy’s favorite color. Orange is a safe color for Fundy, but we also have to remember that this is still a desert. Under the guise of Fundy’s favorite color is something that represents isolation and loneliness - fitting for a stream that’s about manipulation, no?

Additionally, on the way to the ruins of L’Manberg, Fundy and Quackity are guided with blue lanterns.

Blue is orange’s complementary color. We can think of it as orange’s opposite, representing everything that orange does not represent for Fundy. So, if blue can represent something that isn’t happiness and safety, and Quackity is leading Fundy to follow these blue lanterns, then these blue lanterns can be seen as a sign of deceit, of danger. And Fundy follows them anyway.

Entering the Camarvan

This was incredibly subtle, but I find it interesting that Quackity was able to open the Camarvan’s doors when Fundy has mentioned he was never able to do it in his own dreams. This can lead back to the idea that Quackity wants to present himself as someone great, as someone akin to a savior to Fundy. Because if Fundy can’t access the Camarvan in his dreams, and Quackity can, then he might view Quackity as superior in some way. He’s weak, he can’t do anything, but Quackity can, so naturally, he thinks of him as superior.

In the Shadows

This one is the most obvious, but by the end of Fundy’s portion, Quackity is seen slowly inching closer and closer to the shadows. To me, this represents that Fundy isn’t going to be uplifted by Quackity’s offer at all. Quackity is literally dragging him into the shadows even more, which is ironic considering the fact that he stated that he will help Fundy become more recognized. But the metaphor speaks volumes: Quackity is going to pull Fundy into a dark, dark place. His offer isn’t as nice as it sounds, and Fundy needs to be incredibly careful.

Hiding His Inventory

When Fundy wakes, he completely hides his inventory. He does this a lot throughout the stream, and while I don’t want to overanalyze since I know this might just be a cinematic choice, I can’t help but feel like this is a metaphor for Fundy losing himself. We don’t see his hand, we don’t see his inventory, his health or anything, we just see his surroundings, and most importantly, we see Quackity. Only Quackity.

iv. HARKENING BACK TO THE “FUNDY’S MIND” STREAM

As much as we still have many questions about the semantics of Fundy’s dreams, I do think there are a few things from this stream that did clarify certain aspects of the first stream. If not, there are at least certain parallels that we can’t exactly ignore either.

Quackity is the Forewarned “Him”

Do not join him.

Whatever he asks of you.

Do NOT join him.

his plans aren’t as nice as they sound.

his intentions aren’t what you think they are.

he will use you

he will destroy you

everything you ever loved

everyone you ever cared about

do not join him

This one is pretty self-explanatory. At this point, I do want to think that Quackity is, indeed, the “him” being referred to here. I do want to keep my mind open for future possibilities as the Dream SMP is littered with red herrings, but for now, it just makes the most sense that the book is referring to Quackity.

Additionally, from what the book mentions, it seems like Quackity doesn’t genuinely want to help Fundy. To be fair, we can’t fully be sure that Quackity’s intentions are purely evil, but the book does imply that Quackity only views Fundy as another pawn.

The Dangers of Sleeping for Too Long

The signed book in Fundy’s first dream seems to imply that there are consequences to staying in the dream world for too long. In my opinion, Fundy’s dream in Las Nevadas’ third episode shows what might possibly happen if Fundy stays for too long. The more Fundy uncovers the truths about his future, the more he gets exposed to traumatizing experiences like the one he had with Quackity.

Additionally, it’s been hinted by Fundy that when he wakes, he can’t exactly remember what his dream is about, but he can recall the emotions he’s felt while having them. So, if Fundy can only remember what he felt while dreaming, then the dread and horror he felt while witnessing nightmares pass over. The main con of this is that even if Fundy witnesses these future-predicting events in his dream, he won’t be able to avoid them when he wakes because he can’t remember them. So, all his dreams can do is literally traumatize him. No matter how many times it can warn him about Quackity, Fundy won’t even remember them. All he can remember is a sense of dread which only makes him more vulnerable in real life as his mental state worsens.

Hooded Figure

This kind of fits under the symbolism category, but to me, it’s interesting that both the hooded figure in the first dream and Quackity in the most recent dream kind of have the same blocking. Fundy goes outside and a figure waits for him, standing directly across Fundy’s door.

If the hooded figure is Quackity, it is interesting that they chased Fundy as if intending to murder him. Again, another warning for us to not trust Quackity.

v. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR FUNDY?

In the middle of writing this, Fundy decided to do a lore stream where he finally joins Las Nevadas, so we kinda know what’s going to happen. That lore stream was pretty interesting because a lot of the manipulation tactics I’ve mentioned earlier were used by Quackity once more to further convince Fundy to stay in Las Nevadas.

That’s not to say Quackity doesn’t genuinely believe in all the words he’s said to Fundy. I do think Quackity does believe in his statements on legacy and loneliness, but the thing we have to question is whether Quackity genuinely cares about Fundy’s wellbeing wholeheartedly. Because, let me be frank: if Las Nevadas ever gets terrorized, and Fundy’s life would be in danger, I don’t think Quackity would genuinely want to save him. It’s already heavily implied that Fundy is going to be used by Quackity, but I’m genuinely curious as to why. We know Quackity does want him to work there, but what are the specifics? What specific role does he want Fundy to play? Why is he going so far as to give Fundy a plot of land just for him to stay? What does Quackity specifically want from Fundy?

Again, I’m not sure, and all will be revealed in the future, but just know that I do not trust Quackity at all. He may have some true intentions but we know Quackity will do anything as long as it benefits whatever plan he has up his sleeve.

And I have to emphasize that if Fundy ever has a breakdown or experiences a traumatic event, it is NEVER going to be his fault. Because as much as we can say that “Fundy is bringing his own demise,” we have to remember that Quackity is the real mastermind behind anything that happens in Las Nevadas. Believing Fundy or any of Las Nevadas’ coworkers are at fault for something Quackity enabled is exactly what Quackity wants us to believe. 

Again, if any of the Las Nevadas members ever have a mental breakdown, or lose a canon life, there’s a good chance that Quackity knew this was going to happen and allowed it to happen in the first place. All coworkers at the moment are victims of Quackity’s manipulation, and we always have to keep that in mind.

vi. CLOSING REMARKS

Like I mentioned earlier, I am not a saint, so please do not view this essay as gospel. If you do enjoy it, feel free to like, reblog, and share it to other people! I’d appreciate any amount of support I get! If you want to discuss this topic further, feel free to message me or reply to this post!

Special thanks to Fundy, Quackity, and everyone else who participated in this lore stream. Additional special thanks to Alyssa for beta reading! :D

[theheartsmistakes]

Any Other Name

.Chapter 1.

The London Institute hadn’t changed in the five years since Cordelia had last seen it. Its pointed rooftops disappeared into the alloy colored clouds that perpetually covered the sky of London making Cordelia sometimes wonder if underneath the constant precipitation the sky was purple or grey rather than blue. The arched glossy windows reflected the view of the city with the billowing smoke from the factories, the lines from the bridges, and the diamond-like flecks that glittered off of the Thames.

It rivaled the Institute in Tehran in size alone, but otherwise, the cold, steel gray of the stones had nothing on the warmth and light of the sand-colored building that she had been living in for the past five years. Already she missed the way the sun warmed the inside of the building and filled the rooms with its light that sent fractals of color off of the beads that adorned the bright colored drapes in her bedroom. She missed the smells of spices, burning applewood, and whatever flower bloomed wildly in that season as she walked the crowded merchant-lined streets.

She’d only been in London all of ten minutes and already she wanted to climb back through the portal and take her grandmother up on her offer to let her live there with her in her small one-bedroom flat.

“We are a family,” said her father proudly when he informed them at the dinner table only a week before that they (he) were offered the position to be head of the London Institute after the removal of William and Tessa Herondale. “This is a family decision. No one is staying behind. We are moving as a family.”

It didn’t feel like a family decision when he removed her bedroom door after she’d locked herself in for twenty-four hours in protest.

One year, she told herself. One measly little year in the dreary, desolate wasteland that was London, and then she would be eighteen and free to make her own decisions including where she wanted to live.

Her older brother Alastair, the bastard, had turned eighteen only a month ago and had opted to remain in Tehran to help oversee the Institute until the Clave found a family to take over. Cordelia bristled at the idea of someone else living in her room which she’d just managed to decorate according to her taste. What if they turned it into a boring old office or Angel forbid a crafts room.

Never, in her seventeen years, did she hate her parents. Not for any reason for they were quite good parents. They let her go out with her friends any night of the week she wanted, they supported her in whatever protest or interest she happened to be on even if it pertained to mundane issues, and she rather liked spending time with them when she wasn’t training or out in the city with her small, but loyal group of friends.

Her friends.

They’d only said goodbye a few hours ago, but she’d at least hoped for one fire message of encouragement to help her through these trying times.

She’d scold them for it later.

When she’d come to London as a child during her parent's annual Clave meetings, the only enjoyable part of being here visiting with the ever eccentric Lucie Herondale. They’d become fast friends when they first met at ten years old and remained in touch either through fire messages, the occasional visits, or annual Clave meetings. Until about six months, when all correspondence stopped. Cordelia sent her dozens of messages, but none of them were answered. When she attempted to call from a city payphone on the landline she knew Lucie kept, the automated message said the phone number had been disconnected.

Cordelia wondered if it was something that she had done or said that upset Lucie. That was until a week ago when her parents sat down with her and her brother and told them of the Clave’s decision to exile the Herondale’s for their demon blood.

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!” Cordelia yelled when her parents informed both her and Alastair. “They’re exiled? What does that even mean?”

“It means they’re no longer considered Shadowhunters,” said Alastair from where he sat across from her at the dining room table. He was rather unperturbed by the situation which didn’t surprise Cordelia in the least. He never liked the Herondale’s; least of all James Herondale, Lucie’s older brother.

“I know what it means, Alastair, I’m being dramatic,” snapped Cordelia. “What did they do to deserve this? Will has always been an esteemed member of the Clave and Tessa as well. They can’t do this to them!”

Elias, Cordelia’s traitorous father looked to her mother Sona for assistance but her mother looked just as angry as Cordelia felt.

“It’s all to do with their blood,” said Elias carefully.

“Their blood?” Cordelia said as if he’d just announced he was infected with some virulent disease.

“Bigotry, darling,” said Sona and glanced at him over the edge of the purple scarf that concealed her hair. “I think the word you are looking for is ‘bigotry’.”

“No,” said Elias. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Why not,” said Sona, flippantly. “It’s not as if the Clave is here to hear you. We’ve always been honest with the children, it won’t do to stop now.”

“Sona, please.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. This was an argument that they have had before and did not side with one another. “We agreed to be a unified front.”

“I agreed to no such thing,” said Sona and turned her gaze to Cordelia. “The Clave upon hearing that Tessa’s father is the greater demon Belial, has decided that despite her angelic heritage, her blood is tainted and we cannot allow tainted blood into the community in fear that her demon-side will eventually take over and she— or her children— will be responsible for something horrendous which is the nature of their kind.”

Cordelia gapped like a landlocked fish. “That’s the most idiotic thing I have ever heard!”

Sona nodded.

“Tessa is one of the kindest, sweetest, most good-natured people that I have ever met!” Her voice inched up an octave that had Alastair grimacing. She didn’t care. This was criminal. This went against everything she’d ever believed. Tessa was someone as close to an aunt as Cordelia would ever have. “Doesn’t the angelic blood dominate the demon side anyway!”

Sona nodded. “The Clave claims they do not have enough evidence of this and therefore cannot risk it.”

“You keep saying the Clave,” said Cordelia vehemently. “Who exactly are you referring to?”

“It’s all of them, darling,” said Elias.

Sona rolled her eyes. “Inquisitor Bridgetstock, the toad, is who I am referring to and the hoard of Clave members that he has fear-mongered into following after him. This is what we deserve for establishing a democracy.”

“You’d prefer totalitarianism?” said Elias.

Sona just shrugged again. “If it meant avoiding this lunacy, then yes, I suppose I do.”

Cordelia felt like screaming to release some of the frustration building in her chest. “What about Will?”

“His mother was a mundane,” said Elias.

“Oh.” Cordelia felt her cheeks fill with heat. “So the Clave has something against Mundanes, as well. So was Sophie Lightwood, are they going to exile her too?”

“The Clave is trying to keep the Shadowhunter bloodline pure,” said Elias, carefully, but there was a note of distaste in the last word. “Sophie ascended so therefore she is for all intents and purposes a Shadowhunter. Also, Will wouldn’t abandon Tessa or his children even if it meant keeping his marks. He was very adamant about that part.”

Cordelia slumped back against her chair and crossed her arms in a way she hadn’t done since she was a child. “So what, we’re just meant to pretend like they never existed? Is that what you’re saying?”

Both of her parents averted their eyes. Sona looked down at her hands resting in her lap and Elias stared at the plate of food he hadn’t touched in front of him. “Yes,” he finally said. “The punishment for fraternizing with ‘the exiled’ or any Downworlder unless it is for official Clave business is deemed punishable.”

Cordelia scoffed, but it was Alastair who asked, “Punishable, how?”

“It depends on the severity,” said Elias and meant to leave it at that.

“Meaning,” inquired Cordelia.

“Meaning,” said Elias in a tone that implied he was finished with this conversation. “They are not our friends, colleagues, or otherwise. They are our enemies and we are to treat them as such. They are working on making this into a new law and if broken, it could mean the stripping of your marks.”

Even Alastair’s eyebrows rose at that. “It seems the Inquisitor is finally getting what he wanted after all, a cease and desist on any camaraderie with Downworlders. He always did see them as a vile group.”

Elias nodded but reached over to put his hand on Cordelia’s arm. “I know Lucie was a dear friend.”

Cordelia’s eyes swam with tears at the mention of Lucie’s name. She couldn’t imagine what Lucie was going through now. Was she afraid, angry, lonely, feeling everything all at once? At least she had her family, but was it enough? Would it be enough for Cordelia?

“I cannot stress how important it is that you obey these laws until we can come up with a way to have them disbanded,” said Elias. “I know your heart, Layla, I see its fire at any signs of adversity and I don’t want to be the one to temper it, but I need you to be careful and believe me when I saw, I will do everything within my capabilities to fix this.” He looked at each person sitting at the table with him. “I may not agree with the Clave’s decision, but for our own protection, we must comply. Do you understand?”

“You want us to be silent,” said Cordelia.

Elias’s hand slipped from his daughter’s arm.

“Sometimes words are not enough,” said Sona on the other end of the table. “Sometimes we can speak louder with our action. We have raised you to be free-thinkers, to defend the innocent, and protect the ones that need protecting. We trust that you will use your best judgement on how to do just that.”

Cordelia uncross her arms and dropped her hands into her lap. She wanted more than anything to go to her room and try to send another fire message to Lucie; to rage about how ridiculous this all was, and let her friend know that she wasn’t alone. That not for one moment would she, Cordelia Carstairs, who once painted herself red and marched through the streets of Tehran as a message to their mundane government that she did not agree with the patriarchal rules placed on women, would go along with these laws.

She thought of the Blackthorn family motto: Lex malla, lex nulla.

A bad law is no law and how she wished she could claim it is her own.

But she couldn’t message Lucie. She didn’t even have a way to reach her and maybe Lucie didn’t want to speak to her anyway if she hadn’t even attempted to contact her in some other way.

“I hate this,” she said quietly.

“I know, Layla,” said her mother. “I know.”

“What of the Fairchilds?” asked Alastair, stirring his mashed potatoes around with his fork. “How did the Clave get Charlotte to agree to this? They’re practically family. Isn’t the blond one parabatai with the eldest of the Herondales?”

Elias sighed and nodded. “He is— was. He is being stripped of his mark this week.”

Cordelia gasped and felt as if she might vomit. “Matthew would never!”

“He didn’t have a choice,” said Elias. “It was either have his parabatai mark removed or be exiled.”

“He’d choose to be exiled.” Cordelia didn’t know Matthew Fairchild all that well, but she knew he wouldn’t abandon his dearest and oldest friend. The friend he chose to tie his own life.

“He’s not yet eighteen,” said Elias. “He cannot make that choice.”

“Charlotte is allowing this?”

“Charlotte has been removed from her place as Consul for not agreeing to any of this and is being replaced by Marcus Pounceby.”

“Marcus Pounceby!” said Alastair and Cordelia together.

Their father just nodded though his expression had grown increasingly tired. “Yes, it appears that if one just bends every which way for the Clave one can achieve a lot.”

Cordelia had to physically restrain herself from flipping the table. “This is bullshit!”

“Cordelia!” Her mother hissed. “I know you’re upset, but I won’t hear that sort of language at the table.”

“I’m sorry.” She wasn’t, and saying ‘this is crap’ just didn’t justify how she felt. “I can’t believe this is happening. I thought we were supposed to be better than mundanes. This feels like its been torn directly out of one of their history books. Next they’ll have use hunting Downworlders and demons.” She couldn’t sit there any longer. She couldn’t handle any more information that made her want to portal directly to Alicante and demand they strip her of her marks. What was stopping them from exiling her family next? What if they stopped liking her hair color or decided she wasn’t fit to be a Shadowhunter because she was a woman? “May I be excused?”

“You haven’t eaten anything,” said her mother.

“I’ve lost my appetite.”

“Your mother worked—“ Elias started but Sona shook her head and said, “Yes, just clear your plate and you can go.”

——————

In the week that followed that conversation things progressively got worse. It helped that she was in Tehran with her friends, battling demons that terrorized the night and training during the day, until that fateful night when her father declared that they were moving to the London Institute.

The inside seemed as dark and cold as the outside. She didn’t remember it being this way when she visited as a girl. It used to be so full of light, but perhaps it was the people that occupied it that made it that way. Now, it seemed as lonely and depressed by their absence as Cordelia felt.

She dragged her suitcase up the flight of stairs to the second story and shuffled down the hall at a glacial pace as if every step was a concession to agreeing to live here. The hallway had holes in it where pictures were once hung by Tessa of her family and their lives there. Cordelia could remember a few: one of Tessa and Will on their wedding day, another of Tessa heavily pregnant while hanging a Christmas ornament on the tree, one of Will holding a baby, and one of all four of them together underneath the Eiffel Tower. Lucie was only six in the picture and resting her tired head on her father’s shoulder. James stood in front of his mum with a half-smile on his face and a baguette in each of his hands.

The barren walls seemed to groan and sigh as she walked past.

The door she knew to be hers was already opened, a dull strip of light came out into the hallway. Cordelia stood in front of the dark red wood of the door and nudged it open with the toe of her boot. It squeaked on its hinges as it slowly revealed the bedroom inside.

Memories of laughter crashed into her like a blast of icy, winter wind. Two little girls sitting on the massive bed, the covers were thrown over their heads with a witch light glowing between them, as they brought their collection of dolls to life in elaborate stories.

It still smelled like her— like Lucie. A mixture of Damascus roses, ink, and freshly printed papers.

Cordelia sighed and dropped her bag at her feet.

The bed was the only thing that remained of what used to be Lucie’s old bedroom. Stripped of the colorful coverlet and sheets that Lucie had chosen, it was just an old mattress with a plush, lavender velvet headboard. The only sign of there ever having been any more furniture were the marks in the wooden floorboard where Lucie’s writing desk sat and piles of dust in the corners.

“It’s not much now,” said her mother whom she hadn’t heard come up behind her. “But you can make it your own.”

Cordelia scoffed. “I don’t want to make it my own.” It was Lucie’s. It would always be Lucie’s.

She felt her mother’s hand on her waist. “I know this is difficult for you, Layla, but we must make the best of it. It’s what Lucie would have wanted.”

Cordelia turned. “Please don’t talk about her as if she’s dead. I did what you asked, I moved here, please don’t expect me to be happy about it. It’s not enough that I have to stay in this house, but I have to live in her room and make it my own. I won’t. My stuff may be stored in here, but it’s not mine. My room is in Tehran.” She turned back around and glared at the large space before her as if it’d done her some great wrong.

Sona patted her daughter on the waist before releasing her. “I didn’t come up here to upset you more, but I feel I should warn you. The Inquisitor and the Consul are coming by in an hour to meet us. They want to discuss a few things with your father over dinner. I was told to tell you to please be on your absolute best behavior.”

“So you’re asking me to sit there and look pretty?”

Sona’s eyebrows quirked. “We need to support your father. He is the only one in the Clave that has any semblance of reason. They trust him, we need to help strengthen that trust if he is to help make sense of some of this nonsense. Do you understand?”

Cordelia hugged herself. “I hate them.”

“Hate them all you like,” said Sona. “You don’t even have to speak to them if you don’t want to, but you do need to be present. The Consul’s son will be there.”

“Augustus?” said Cordelia with distaste. “Can’t you tell them I’m ill or tired from our travels. Jet lag is still a thing even if you portal.”

Sona tapped her wrist where a watch should be. “Dinner is at seven. Dress respectably.”

Cordelia looked down at the black bike shorts she had under the oversized gray sweatshirt she’d thrown on that morning while she finished all her last-minute packing. By respectable, she knew her mother meant nice, pretty, clean. Look how they want you to look so we can attempt to impress Inquisitor Bridgestock and Consul Pounceby because even though we don’t agree with their decisions, we still have to abide by their laws.

It made her want to punch a hole in the wall or throw something out the window.

She pulled the strap for the scabbard holding Cortana, her beloved sword, over her neck and rested her blade against the wall beside the closet door, and walked across the room to sit on the edge of the mattress.

Never once in her life was she ever not proud to be a Shadowhunter. It was as much a part of her as the color of skin, her name, or the distinct tone of her voice. The angelic blood sang in her veins and powered her limbs to protect those who could not protect themselves against the darkness and evil that threatened it. Never once did she consider that darkness and evil could ever touch or harm her community; that it would never be found there. Now, she came to realize, it was not so far away.

How could she fight her government? She couldn’t, not without consequences, but how could she stay silent either about what she knew to be wrong and unjust.

Her whole existence felt like the inside of a snow globe after it was turned upside down and shaken. Now, she just had to wait for the dust to settle, and perhaps things would not look so different then.

———————

The Consul was the first to arrive.

Cordelia stood in the bathroom mirror smoothing out the dress she’d thrown in the bag she packed while they waited for the rest of their things to arrive from Tehran. The white of the soft fabric warmed her skin and brought out the flecks of copper in her red hair that she left down and curled at the ends. Her mother would scoff at the length of the hem, falling to the middle of her thighs. It wasn’t exactly what Cordelia would have chosen to wear to this dinner either, but she’d left her Fuck the Patriarchy t-shirt and ripped jeans in the box with all of her clothes in Tehran. It may be written in Persian, but the look on her parents’ face would have been worth it, and who knows, perhaps it could have been a conversation starter.

She was pulling on a pair of dark leather sandals when she heard the sound of voices fill the foray. Her mother’s warm, but fake laughter sent a pinch across Cordelia’s spine. She knew it wasn’t sincere, but she still would rather hear the sound of her mother kicking them out of her house rather than welcoming them in.

I am not being complicit, she told herself as she turned towards the bedroom door. I am infiltrating the enemy. I will find their weakness. I will attempt to understand them so I can use the knowledge later to destroy them… And I will spit in their water glasses and lick their bread rolls.

With a practiced smile, she marched towards the door when she felt the give and heard the groan from a floorboard beneath her foot. She looked down and carefully lifted her right foot and watched as the board rose back up.

Interesting. None of the other boards did that.

Carefully, she got down onto her knees and dug her nails into the crack around the board. The perimeters showed markings of being dug out before. She pried it up enough to get her fingers underneath and it popped up with ease. She slid it away and beneath was a white sheet of paper with a garden stone sitting on top of it and Cordelia’s name written on the front.

Cordelia looked up to make sure no one was coming. The voices could still be heard from the foray and dinner didn’t technically start for five more minutes.

She reached down into the hole and slid the paper out from underneath the rock.

Sitting back on her hip, she unfolded it and read:

50 Ernest St, Bethnal Green, London

The Old Clock Tower

February 3, at 10 P.M.

Cielu Rhonelade

Cielu Rhonelade. Cordelia smiled as she mentally rearranged the letters to read Lucie Herondale. It was her nom de plume for a time when they were kids and Lucie wanted to be like the author George Eliot and claim her work under a different name.

But it was Lucie, of that Cordelia was sure, and she wanted to meet with Cordelia tonight.

A/N:

This story can also be found on AO3 if you would prefer to read it there.

Likes, comments, and reblog are always appreciated!

Next update: Friday, 5/14

[fabdante]

The Vergil and Kat Post

So um. This like idk essay, analysis, rant thing took took like five attempts to write because I would not stop rambling and it’s still like just barely five pages long. And that’s after I cut it down from like 11 pages.

The short version is: Kat and Vergil are really interesting and complex as we view their relationship usually from an outside perspective which leaves much up to interpretation. If you’ve been on my blog for a while you probably know the interpretation I have of them because I eat up tragedy like candy, but that’s not the only one. 

The (very) long version is beneath the cut. And unfortunately this time there are no pictures. There’s some analysis but also just a lot of rambling. If Kat and Vergil, in any form, are not your cup of tea, this is probably not a post for you which is chill!

I’m going to start with the end. Vergil’s Downfall.

Recap, when Vergil encounters Hollow Vergil in his personal trip to his personal hell and all, Hollow Vergil eventually asks ‘but what would you do if you had another chance’. Vergil doesn’t answer. But since he’s the player character, we get access to his thoughts. And we get a montage of Kat. At first one might think this is about how the plan went wrong. Vergil’s regretting the plan. Then it becomes increasingly more apparent the thread that ties all the scenes together isn’t the plan, isn’t the plans failings. It’s Kat. Not Dante and Kat. Not the plan. Just Kat. The scene ends with a scene from mission 2, a moment from the end of the only cutscene Vergil and the real Kat share alone. There’s this little moment that seems to exist to show how pretty Kat is.

This is his last thought. Not the plan. Not how Kat relates to the plan. Not how he mistreated Kat in service to the plan. It’s just Kat.

Act one of Vergil’s Downfall is all about Vergil and Kat. The whole things a reenactment, just somewhat twisted, of how they met. Kat in Limbo, in danger from a demon, and Vergil doing what he can to help. He doesn’t hesitate either. He hears Kat call for him, call for help, and he runs. Except in Downfall the threat is with them, something he can fight and slay head on. So he does. But everything is wrong now. ‘Kat’ berates him. She tells him what Vergil must think she’s thinking. That she feels used, that she thinks Dante’s better, and all that. And Vergil tries to explain, he tries to justify himself, even if this ‘Kat’ is not his Kat. He wants her to understand, though. Because she’s Kat after all.

He needs to hurt her to proceed, of course. But he can’t. He can’t until she turns into a physical monster. Not until this fake Kat becomes something entirely unKat can he actually hurt her and proceed.

The Hollows represent aspects of Vergil that he needs to kill to gain power, as well as his insecurities and the people he cares about and more. Kat represents his humanity. So I suppose, in a way, it’s not surprising that she’s the hardest for him to kill and the one who receives the least of his cruelty that we see later in the game. But, the point still remains. He faces Hollow Kat first. And he begs her to understand him, longs for things to go back in what way they can.

(Also, an aside, it’s interesting to think about how Kat is not only humanity, but Vergil’s humanity. The implication being that Kat in a sense grounds him. A foil to how inhuman Vergil is.)

Downfall takes the scraps that the game gives and gives them a revamped, strengthened context for Kat and Vergil and their true feelings and intentions. The first game doesn’t give us much and why should it? They are built in a show don’t tell philosophy because, well, Dante can’t tell us about Vergil and Kat. He can only see. So we only see. But Downfall, we are explicitly told that yes, Vergil cared for Kat. She is important. And she is his one regret.

So, Downfall proposes that Vergil genuinely cared for Kat. And the base game proposes that Kat genuinely cared for Vergil. And it’s hard for me not to talk ramble when I talk about them because there’s…a lot of little moments between them that I love, little things that I find interesting to pick apart and wonder about (and have over the past 8 years). I’m going to try not to do that, though. Try being the operative word (I have failed all five write ups preceding this one).

Kat is often described as naïve because of her relationship with Vergil. But I think this is an inaccurate description. We never see her blindly trust anyone in the game. She doesn’t trust Dante because she just believes in him. We know this because she’s immensely skeptical of him and if he’s going to be helpful up until after the succubus boss fight. And we know she’s skeptical of him because she questions Vergil about it and she remains skeptical, keeping Dante an arm’s length away. She is not naïve. She trusts Vergil because he’s earned that trust.

It’s hard not to see how he managed to do that. He helped her kill her foster father and escape a bad situation, but it’s what happened after that solidifies this deep connection between the two. Kat tells Dante how Vergil helped her afterwards while she coped with the trauma and it’s something she mentions more then once. Kat’s trust and loyalty to Vergil is because he’s earned it. Because he has seen her at her worst and did not run. He stayed. He helped her through it. And still he stays now. It’s easy to imagine this going both ways, that seeing Kat ‘raw’ as he says makes Vergil vulnerable right back.

Plus, Vergil compares Kat when he first met her to Dante (‘He’s raw. Just like you were when I found you.’).  I think one would be hard pressed to refer to reboot Dante, the one with self proclaimed trust issues, as naïve.

So, we have a relationship of deep trust between the two over what is implied to be a long time. The sort of trust and intimacy you get when someone sees all of you and knows all of you. At least, I think that’s Kat’s end. When it comes to Vergil…well, opinions are complicated.

There are the three options of how Vergil feels about Kat if we simplify it down. One, he was using her and this was all to use her and get the plan finished. Two, he was using her but grew to care for her over time. Three, he was never using her and this was all real. I’m three all the way but one and two aren’t really contradicted anymore than three is. Which is an issue when talking about Kat and Vergil and trying to be all inclusive but also concise. There’s no one answer. There are just different opinions on what the answer is.

For me, it’s hard to reconcile the idea that he did not care for her with what we see in Vergil’s Downfall. Or when we have moments like his genuine joy that she’s alive in the server room. It’s hard for me to reconcile the idea of Vergil using her this whole time when it feels like a lot of work to keep her at his side when she can’t even control her powers. It’s hard for me to reconcile the deep connection I see between them.

For other people, the opposite is hard. Seeing what happened in the server room, seeing Vergil write off Kat entirely, seeing him call her useful and referring to humans as subjects, cannot be reconciled with the idea that he genuinely cared for and about her. Or how one could get a very loyal side kick the way he goes about this, saving her and giving her a home and purpose and everything. It’s an easy way into getting a loyal assistant.

All that I can tell you is how I see it. And what I see is two people with a deep intimacy with each other. The relationship may be messy and complicated and not perfect, but that’s what I see. That’s not what everyone sees, and that’s ok. That’s just what I see and that’s what this post is about.

I think its notable to about how important this relationship is because Vergil actually gets like, jealous about it. I get side tracked for too long when I go on about this so, in keeping things short, we see Vergil in the background get frustrated with things Dante says to Kat (namely the ‘I like it rough’) and we see him get kind of jealous in the game. But we really see it in Downfall. And sure, there are things he’s jealous about that pertain to Dante that aren’t Kat related. But there are things that do relate to that. We mostly see this, again, with Hollow Kat. She pisses him off when she mentions Dante being a real man. There’s of course stoking at Vergil’s insecurities since he’s lost to his twin and he already seems to feel envious about how easy things are for Dante and everything. But there’s also the fact it’s Kat saying it. It’s Kat who’s telling him she prefers Dante. That stings Vergil, this idea Kat cares about Dante more than him.

Part of this I think is from the fear that Kat will run off to Dante because of their similar backgrounds. They both have similar childhoods, something Vergil didn’t experience. Which, going back to what I said, a person who must pride himself on how well he knows Kat (and how well she knows him) must find that kind of threatening. 

There’s this scene added in the Definitive Edition. Before that we were left to assume Kat wandered the tower and that’s how she mapped it for the twins, but the Definitive Edition makes it clear canon. This makes the scene where Mundus records himself with Kat as a threat to the twins the only time we see Kat out of body in the game. During this experience, she assumedly betrays Vergil’s name to Mundus. Before the Definitive Edition scene, I always just kind of wrote off that moment. Kat’s under extreme duress, she’s just saying whatever at this point. I thought this for years after, to.

But then one day, after replaying the game for the umpteenth time, a thought came into my head. She’s out of body, in Limbo, surrounded by demons. She says his name because Kat is looking for him. She say’s his name because despite what happened in the server room, she still trusts Vergil. She doesn’t say Dante’s name, she doesn’t call for anyone else. She calls for Vergil. Because who else would she call for if not Vergil, the person she’s closest to and the person who saved her before?

It’s this sort of thing that makes the betrayal hurt as badly as it does for well, everyone. Us, Kat, Vergil, Dante. But focusing on Kat and Vergil, it’s the trust. It’s this deep bond between the two of them that’s suddenly shattered. What do you do when this person you think you know so well doesn’t do what you expect? When they do the exact opposite, actually? When they suddenly don’t understand you at all? It’s such a foundational relationship for the two of them to, it’s earth shattering to go from knowing a person so truly and deeply to looking at a stranger. This is all kinda true for Vergil who must have expected Kat to understand even if he may have thought she’d get upset. But this is all extremely true for Kat

It’s kind of a double sided betrayal. While I’m not really going to say Kat betrayed Vergil, because she didn’t she stayed true to her word and what she thought they were fighting for and everything, Vergil feels betrayed to, just like Kat and Dante. And oh does Kat feel betrayed. One of my favorite like, animation, character moments is like the pure disbelief, anguish and betrayal on Kat’s face at the betrayal it’s so well done. Like even the little look she does out over the city then back to Vergil like it’s just its good but not important back to topic. Kat thought they were fighting to free humanity. And Vergil seems to truly think this is for the best, if humanity is under his rule.

While one can argue Vergil’s goal was power, I feel like Vergil’s goal was the same he had from the start. Vergil wanted to free humans. He’s not even wrong, really. If Dante and Vergil do not put someone on the throne to replace Mundus, a new demon will take his place. Without someone controlling the demons, the demons will wreck havoc uncontrolled. However his wording could use some work. That said do I think Vergil is susceptible to power corrupting him. Absolute power corrupts absolutely sort of deal. I feel like him and Dante are similar in this regard, neither I think is quite equipped to rule with the amount of power that Vergil proposes they get. I also think Vergil didn’t think he’d get to this part, I don’t think he really thought about what happens after Mundus. Not the specifics. He ended up with this conclusion later in the game, and as a result never floated it by anyone. And to be fair, no one asked.

Kat always seems so full of hope at the end, right after she get’s Dante to stop killing Vergil and everything. She’s got these big Kat eyes, like she expects now things will go back. Vergil will say this was a joke and he’ll come back and things will be normal and she will have her best friend and the world will be safe. But that’s not what happens. Vergil leaves, of course (not after him and Kat have a long extended stare where they must be wondering mutually if the other will change their mind, if she will follow or he will stay). The whole ending in general from start to finish we get a lot with Kat and Vergil subtext. How she manages to get him to listen for a moment, even if Dante ends up getting him too angry to listen by the end. How Kat goes out on a limb to save Vergil, even if she didn’t have to.

She must be wondering, to, how real it all was. Dante’s answer I think is that it wasn’t. From what he saw, from his limited scope, it wasn’t. He cannot reconcile it, and why should he? He was thrown into their lives and resistance group with no context and he ends with little more. But Kat’s left wondering, and Vergil’s left regretting, and I’m left lamenting about the very large lack of post game Vergil/Kat content. 

I don’t know. I could keep going. At just over four Microsoft Word pages, this is the shortest attempt I’ve made at this. And I will surely write up some more analysis on them, I didn’t even get to talk about fun stuff like Kat’s theme (or the comics but I left those out on purpose I have…complicated opinions on the comic), or like more about the whole divine/human angle here. I could keep going on and on and on like analyze every little microsecond and sound like this:

Which, to clarify, I will 100 percent do if prompted lmao. But I guess the short of it is, in my biased opinion, I think Kat and Vergil are in love. I think it was real. I think Vergil found her and he helped her because she needed help. I think they know each other better than anyone else. I think some things may have gotten muddled in the mists of being in a rebellion and saving the world and that rebellion was their priority. I think going into the DmC: Devil May Cry post game must be complicated for them, unable to let go of the other but unable to come back. It’s the sort of complicated relationship and tragedy I find fun to write and to read. That’s how I see it, anyway.

Also I mean idk if we are to believe Vergil’s bigger dick comment as truth, who else saw both Dante and Vergil’s dicks? Who except Kat? Who else had this info? Who else would Vergil believe? Just saying. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.  

(edit: also I spelled hollow wrong like multiple times in this essay forgive me it should be fixed now lmao)

[caithyra]

A lot of people claim Kagura (and by extension her "siblings") was a full demon, but am I alone in thinking that she was always a half-demon/hanyo because she was an incarnation of Naraku, who was also a half-demon?

First a disclaimer: I view Naraku’s incarnations very different from the rest of fandom, like I do with most things in this manga.

Naraku’s incarnations fans might not like my interpretation... Oh, and it only pertains to the manga.

TL;DR: They are likely as yokai as Sesshomaru’s severed arm. Except Muso. (Skip to the bottom of this post if you want the elaborated, quick answer of my interpretation and then the probable canon answer, which is different. I just have an interpretation of canon that I haven’t seen anyone else suggest before that...)

Anyway, first we are going to go through what Naraku is before he creates his incarnations:

Onigumo, a human, who is devoured by a yokai horde that becomes Naraku.

Naraku is then a hanyo capable of absorbing other yokai and their power, which he presumably does a few times before he tries something as big as absorbing a daiyokai like Sesshomaru (which he fails at), given his attempt at Sesshomaru, we can presume that at least a few of these yokai were powerful even if they were not daiyokai, since going from lesser yokai to greater yokai without anyone inbetween is very foolhardy, given how weak Naraku was at the time (he also used manipulations mostly during this time).

So up to the point that the manga starts, Naraku is a mostly yokai hanyo made up of literally hundreds of yokai of various powers and strengths.

Then, before he begins creating incarnations Naraku is nearly killed by Kagome (this is an important part of my interpretation) and cannot restore himself without turning towards a dark type of magic called kodoku.

Kodoku is a magical ritual/art called “gu/ku” in Chinese in which various toxic creatures are put into an enclosed space to absorb one another until only one remains. This remaining creature (also called Gu/Ku/Kodoku) is considered supremely toxic and powerful and with various abilities such as pestilence, manipulation (Naraku/Kanna/Infant?), transformation (Naraku), and a number of other things that falls well within Naraku’s sphere of power.

Anyway, Naraku absorbs the kodoku and is restored, and also made up of even more different kinds of yokai. And he holds a large chunk of the empowering Shikon no Tama, courtesy of Kikyo.

And that’s when he begins creating incarnations (分身 - bunshin).

That word, bunshin, is a funny thing. In Naruto, it is the “clone” part in Clone Techniques (such as Kage Bunshin/Shadow Clone which Naruto uses all the time), and as a common word, has been used in many manga/anime/games.

Here’s the definition of Jisho.org for example:

ぶんしん 分身 common word Noun 1. other self; alter ego; part of oneself (in someone or something else); representation of oneself 2. (Buddhist term) incarnations of Buddha​

Kotobank.jp translates it into “double/doppelgänger” and has this to say:

1. One divided into two or more separate bodies. 2. (Buddhist term, similar to above.)

But basically, a bunshin is not a separate person from what they are a bunshin of most of the time in pop culture (or they are re/pre/incarnations like in Buddhism, but no one suggests Kagura is to Naraku what Kagome is to Kikyo, so... *shrugs* Lets got with the other definition!). They always exist in relation to the original (Naraku). Other translations simply call them detachments, which has the implication of parts of Naraku that he’s cut off and given life for his own purposes.

I will be skipping Muso since he is an aberration among the bunshin, and likely the most hanyo of the lot.

The first bunshin Naraku creates is Kanna, who has no will, no emotions and no drive of her own. She solely does Naraku’s bidding, no more, no less. (There is a sole exception of her death scene, but that was more to inform the heroes of Kikyo’s light, which curtails with how the story began bending to fit Kikyo as a tragic heroine... Don’t even get me started...)

Then he creates Kagura, who is the opposite extreme; freedom is her greatest aspiration and she continuously backtalks Naraku and tries to act against him, yet, in the end, everything goes as Naraku wants when it comes to Kagura (this is also important).

Lets look at these two extremes and lets pretend that these are not Naraku’s incarnations; they are toasters.

Kanna is the toaster that Naraku must put the perfect settings in every time before use and push the toast down with a lever. Then he must wait and push the eject button, because Kanna wont do it herself.

Kagura is the fancy toaster with all the bells and whistles and more settings than anyone needs, including sensors to tell when the perfect toast is done to be ejected. She even automatically lowers the toast into the toasting slots when you put them in. In theory, Naraku doesn’t need to do anything else; Kagura knows exactly what to do to make the toast Naraku wants. Except fancy gadgets like these malfunctions and are temperamental and has the wrong settings put in and, yeah, Kagura doesn’t want to make Naraku’s perfect toast, but Naraku has rigged a big, complicated Rube-Goldberg machine to push her eject button before she can irreparably burn his toast, so it doesn’t matter.

All the different incarnations are on a sliding scale of these, except for Hakudoshi, who is an even fancier version of Kagura and capable of making grilled cheese sandwiches, and what more, Naraku wants Hakudoshi to burn some of his toast, because of the risk/reward that one day, Hakudoshi will not burn Naraku’s toast, but instead will make the perfect grilled cheese sandwich for Naraku to enjoy.

Byakuya, by contrast, is the perfect blend of obedient Kanna and the ability to make tedious decisions and act on his own like Kagura.

It’s like with computer programs; some require a dozen clicks to complete a task, another, that has been further programmed (given personality and motivation), only require one.

In short, I do not see them as separate people from Naraku, which is where I diverge from most of fandom; they have no pupils, which are signs of possession/not having their own minds in many anime, which is also a yokai trait (like Koga), but is egregious when it comes to everything else. It should be noted that most of Naraku’s bunshin are obedient to Naraku, but that in order to arrive to the perfect blend of independent action plus unquestioning obedience that is Byakuya, he experimented with giving more or less free will, individual desires and so on.

And it was Kagura who led me to believe that:

First; she is given the appearance of “Sesshomaru’s ideal woman” according to Takahashi who believes that all men want Kikyo or someone like her (”Sesshomaru’s ideal type of woman” is “like Kikyo” according to her according to some interview I’ve seen quoted around, but I would like an actual source, please...), including Sesshomaru, so she makes Kagura a young woman like Kikyo named after a dance that miko, like Kikyo, dance.

Second; she is given a sympathetic motivation “freedom” but at no point do we get a clue as to how she feels about “freedom” other than something to attain. She does not daydream about it or what she will do with it, she does not envy others’ freedom overtly (nor resentfully watching them), there’s literally nothing except her nebulously wanting “freedom” being “the free wind” when she passes away.

Third; she is obviously and loudly antagonistic towards Naraku, and, indeed he, the great villain, holds her heart literally in his hand to torture her with. Don’t you want to save her? Give this pretty lady freedom?

Fourth; she really wants Sesshomaru to save her, despite the fact that Sesshomaru has never come close to killing Naraku and always refuses to save Kagura.

Fifth; but when Kagome, the only person to ever come close to killing Naraku in the entire series at this point, offers to protect Kagura, Kagura refuses and still goes to Sesshomaru. Even though Kagome is not just the person whose power Naraku fears, but also someone with a history of taking in her foes as friends (unlike Sesshomaru).

Sixth; Tenseiga did not even react to Kagura “dying”.

None of this makes sense, unless one thinks of Kagura as a part of Naraku that he has “programmed” specifically to mess with Sesshomaru. In that case, Kagura refusing Kagome’s protection while still being infatuated with Sesshomaru who refuses to do anything and has proven nothing as her supposed savior, and the lack of psychopomps at her death and Tenseiga having no reaction, makes sense if Kagura is little more than something like a living tentacle of Naraku’s, given a pretty face, personality and “programming” to go hard for Sesshomaru and then, use her final moment to upset him (by this time, everyone knows Sesshomaru’s complex with his father’s swords, so if his sword wont work when predictably would he ask it to... Cue upset Sesshomaru. Too bad Inu no Taisho did one up on Naraku on that front by ensuring Inuyasha got the Meido after Sesshomaru and Rin nearly died in front of Sesshomaru’s mother for Sesshomaru to get it... Naraku’s manipulations got nothing on InuPapa’s beyond the grave...).

It would explain her undeveloped motivation (the abstract “freedom”), why everything still goes as Naraku wishes despite a few hiccups and so on, and, of course, why she had no soul for Tenseiga to save...

Naraku might as well have told Kanna “fall in love with Sesshomaru and plead with him to give you freedom” and Kanna would do her best to obey, but because of her non-personality, the emotional manipulation would be obvious (even more so once she refused Kagome, since, after all, it is Sesshomaru who is to give her freedom). But Naraku would have to micromanage her extensively to do so as well as make her a mature body. Far easier to just create a new detachment with slightly more free will and so on with the “programming” installed.

Does Kagura know this? Maybe she suspected it by being around her “siblings” and noting how different their levels of sapience/sentience/free wills were (and she even tells Hakudoshi that his plans will come to naught because Naraku wont allow it, suggesting she believes Naraku’s will is absolute over the incarnations), but she probably felt like her own person, and would have been “programmed” to think of herself as such and dismiss any suspicions to the contrary.

It would fit very well with the body-horror aspect of early Inuyasha and Naraku’s character as a whole. But would also be a bit too much for a children’s comic magazine in an action series...

So what are Naraku’s incarnations on the human-yokai scale?

They are likely yokai, like Sesshomaru’s severed arm, with the exception of Muso who had Naraku’s most human part in him and would likely be considered hanyo on a DNA test. They were likely made from the yokai parts of the hordes that make up Naraku after the kodoku, but aren’t separate people (like, the parts of a crane yokai would have been used to create Byakuya, for example, while oni parts would have been used for Goshinki). They are just more advanced dolls made of purely yokai parts IMO.

But that’s just my extremely niche interpretation of the manga and the inconsistencies with the story.

In canon, it is much more likely that the simpler explanation; that they are separate people who are also yokai (except Muso), is the answer.

I just don’t like the inconsistencies it creates within the story and made my own interpretation and rambled on and on in this post. Sorry.

[escxpedes]

loopholes (fin.)

Remember when I said I’d post this like two days after the last part? No? Me neither... Sorry about the delay, I’ve had a severe lack of motivation. (It’s mental illness innit.) I feel like every part of this story gets longer and longer, and makes even less sense. If you haven’t read the other two parts, I recommend you do so. These technically can be read standalone, but I think it’s cuter when you read them knowing the context. Even though, again, they seem to make less sense the more I write. Lots of new information came about season 5, and it’s both nerve-racking and exciting at the same time! Three cheers for anxiety, amiright? Hope you all are doing well, I’m excited to hear the feedback on the last part of this series. Let me know if there’s anything you’d like me to write, I’m a sucker for prompts! x  

part one | part two

~

loop·hole

noun | A loophole is an ambiguity or inadequacy in a system, such as a law or security, which can be used to circumvent or otherwise avoid the purpose, implied or explicitly stated, of the system.

~

hands that wrap around my wrists, (and arms that feel like home.)

Shutting down the monitors she was using, Riley tries not to think about how her sleep deprivation affects her body. It’s one thing to work as a distraction, but the drag in her pace tells her this coping method is wearing her down.

How is she supposed to save innocent lives when she’s so exhausted.

And she is, exhausted, that is. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. Every part of her is weightless, suspended in air, and it feels like she can’t do a single thing about it.

An irritating helplessness encompasses her, tightening its grasp on her sanity.

She wants to cry out, throw something, cause a scene. Instead, she buries her feelings deep in her subconscious and tries not to focus on how tight her chest is.

It’s an occupational hazard, she tells herself. It’s nothing she can’t handle, she repeats daily. It’s almost a mantra by now, echoing inside her head and ramping up what seems to be an infinite supply of determination.

It’s the only way.

Mac waits for her outside, leaning against the building while she locks up. Her vision is still kind of fuzzy due to lack of energy, and her body doesn’t seem to be completely awake yet. She can physically feel Mac’s concerned gaze burning a hole in her cranium as if staring hard enough will give him access to all recesses of her mind.

“Ready?”

She nods, feigning a smile, and bumping his shoulder with her own, “You never mentioned why you stopped by so late.”

Ignorance is bliss, right?

“I left my phone in the labs.” She can hear the exasperation in his voice; concern rushes forward and sends a pang through her heart.

Suddenly, she’s irritated too, not with Mac, but for Mac. He does the right thing for humanity despite all that humanity has done to him. She can’t imagine how frustrated he must be with the entire situation, once again putting the world before himself.

He’s had so little time to process everything.

She knows he could use a break but also knows that he won’t admit he needs one.

For how smart he is, he can be really stupid sometimes.

When she turns her head to look at him, she can tell she’s lost him to his own thoughts. His eyebrows are furrowed, his usually clear eyes unfocused, and his mouth is set in a grim line.

If she listens closely, she can almost hear the gears turning, working out possible solutions, and thinking through every outcome.

It’s not an uncommon expression.

She stops abruptly, “Hey.”

This seems to shake him from his trance, his eyes meeting hers in a questioning manner.

“You are doing the best you can under the circumstances, but pushing yourself too hard won’t solve anything,” Her hand finds its way to his arm and squeezes reassuringly, “You can take care of the planet, but make sure to take care of yourself, too.”

The look he gives her is so full of gratitude and affection that nearly every emotion that Riley’s fought to contain bursts through its confinement and surges through her body.

“Thank you.”

Her breath catches in her throat, making it hard to breathe.

“What for?”

She really hopes the shaky breath that follows goes unnoticed.

“For always believing in me, no matter what.” His gaze is piercing, robbing the ability to form words from her throat.

She rakes her mind for something, anything, to say that will stop her from doing something she would totally, one hundred percent regret.

“It’s what Jack would do.”

It takes everything in her to break eye contact and shrug nonchalantly. Humor laces her tone, despite the sincerity of her statement. It is something Jack would do, something he taught her to believe in. Not necessarily in Mac, but what her gut is telling her.

It seems that in any given situation, before or after Jack’s departure, Mac’s intuition has always mirrored her own. Since the second he broke her out of prison, they always had the same values. Just like Jack, she learned how to read and understand Mac.

She knows how to interpret his rambling. She knows that no matter the situation, he’ll always put everyone else first. She knows that whatever crazy plan he’s come up with, it’s constructed with the best intentions.

She knows that no matter where he goes, and no matter what he does, her instinct is to trust him.

So she does.

With every ounce of her being. 

She desperately wants to share this with him, especially if it would probably make him feel better. However, she knows the second she starts talking, she won’t be able to stop. Mac’s got a way of doing that, translating her thoughts into words that tumble out of her before she can control what they might mean.

The grin Mac throws her, which conveys understanding and amusement, allows the tension between them to dissipate.

“Speaking of Jack, he would absolutely kill me if I let you drive home in your state.”

Before she can get a word in edgewise, he’s already opening the passenger side door of his truck. The tone in his voice leaves little room for debate, as if he’s ready to refute whatever argument she can muster up, so Riley doesn’t argue.

She wants to, but just the idea of operating a car sounds exhausting.

Besides, she’s missed this. She’s missed Mac, not just as someone she’s possibly in love with, but as her best friend. With everything going on, she’s hardly been able to see him.

The absence of him in her life hurts just as much as having him in it.

She literally can’t win.

The silence that follows is comfortable, the rumbling engine serving as white noise to Riley as she dozes off against the window.

She tries to, anyway. Driving with Mac is always an adventure, which is useful when trying to avoid being killed by a terrorist organization. Maneuvering Los Angeles traffic? Way, way less so.

“Maybe driving myself home wouldn’t have been such a bad idea.” She mumbles, fighting the urge to grab the handle above the door.

“Hey! I always get us home in one piece.”

“Physically maybe,” an amused smile finds its way to Riley’s face, “But mentally? I should sue you for psychological trauma.”

The look of disbelief that follows is enough to get her through several lifetimes, or it could be the smile he struggles to hide under his offended facade.

“Ouch,” Mac puts his left hand over his heart, “That hurts right here, Riles.”

The nickname throws her off, causing her stomach to flip. It’s just a silly name, it shouldn’t affect her like this, but her heart still clenches uncomfortably.

She attempts to brush it off, trying for a humoring grin that feels more like a grimace.

Though the comfortable atmosphere doesn’t change, the playful energy is replaced by more silence. As buildings pass outside, all Riley can think about is how much she hates silence. Man, what she would do just to get rid of it for a little bit. It’s constant these days, and it always finds her no matter where she goes.

Her fingers tug at her bottom lip, a nervous habit she’s recently adopted, as she tries to think through possible solutions to the predicament she’s found herself in.

She must be pretty engrossed because it takes her a minute to realize Mac’s spoken again.

“What?” Her brain slows down enough to pick out his words, something about how much sleep she’s gotten recently, “Oh, I don’t know.”

She tries not to notice how concerned he looks when he asks, “You don’t know?”

Not really

Logically, she knows that she sleeps almost every night. How long? It’s hard to tell sometimes. If she’s lucky, she can get a couple hours in before her brain goes into hyperdrive. Other times, she’d rather be doing something productive on her rig instead of staring at her ceiling fan.

She props her elbow against the window and rests her head in her hand, “I guess it hasn’t been a priority.”

From the corner of her eye, she can see him open his mouth and close it abruptly, trying to find the right words to comfort or soothe her.

As always, Mac is trying to rectify the situation.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

She doesn’t miss the parallel and throws him the same reclusive look he had given her on multiple occasions.

“That’s my line.”

There’s an irritating tension that fills the space, like the feeling you get when you can’t get past a certain level on a video game. It’s a little stifling, urging Riley to do whatever it takes to make it disappear.

“C’mon Riley, you’ve been off ever since, you know, the whole codex situation. At first, I thought, well, it was kind of traumatizing for everyone involved, but then you moved out and,” He trails off, and she can physically see him putting all the working components together, “Is it the apartment?”

God, she wished it was just the apartment. Sure, it plays a part in all her problems right now, but she knows that it’s more of what the empty apartment represents than the apartment itself.

Still, she’s glad he came to that conclusion. It’s easier to lie to him when it doesn’t pertain to the actual issue at hand.

“The apartment’s fine,” she says after a moment of hesitation.

“It’s the AC unit, isn’t it?” His lips compress shortly before he shakes his head, “I knew I should have looked at it.”

As he starts ranting about the condenser coils in her air conditioner and how easy it is for them to get dirty, Riley can’t help but let a soft laugh fall from her lips.

“Mac, it’s not my air conditioning.”

When he opens his mouth to respond, she holds her hand up to stop him. “It’s not my heater either, or my ceiling fan, or anything that might require your unique expertise.”

“But it has something to do with the apartment.”

The statement is blanketed in excitement as if he knows he’s getting closer to uncovering the truth. He’s always been so obsessed with knowledge and learning, never quite capable of letting things go and living in ignorance.

His eyes light up with child-like curiosity; it’s highly annoying and endearing at the same time.

She feels her self control loosening.

With Mac, she feels secure, like maybe she can put herself back together again. She could confess to a crime, and he wouldn’t look at her any differently.

That helplessness kicks back in, tearing her apart from the inside.

When he slows to a stop in front of her complex, she hasn’t answered him yet.

In the back of her mind, she’s a little proud of herself for only joking about his driving once in the ten minutes it took to get there.

She stares at the lobby entrance and can feel the soft flannel of his shirt, giving him a hug before she exits his truck. She can hear the sleepiness in her voice as she leans against the door and tells him goodnight. She can see herself walk through the double doors and not turning around.

She can see it so clearly, but she remains planted in the passenger seat.

Fear tangles itself in her shoulders, in her stomach, in her heart.

Not just because she dreads the idea of spending another night counting the minutes before her alarm goes off, but because she doesn’t want to leave with their friendship in this state.

She just wants everything to go back to normal, to get back some semblance of their old friendship before she knew how she felt.

Mac waits beside her, a patient and comforting presence.

“It’s just so quiet. Up there, it’s just me and my thoughts. They never cease or quiet down; it’s a constant loop. I try listening to music or watching TV, but I can never focus on any of it. Then, I start panicking because I don’t know if it’ll ever go away. There’s no comfort, no stability. I’m just… alone.”

With every word, a little of the weight falls from her shoulders.

It almost feels like she can breathe again.

“The only time I don’t feel like that is when I’m working,” she clenches her hands in her lap, “At Phoenix, I can get to any room in the dark with my eyes closed, and I’m constantly surrounded by people I’ve known for years. It feels… safe.”

Mac’s silent, reaching over to grasp one of her hands.

“You don’t feel safe here?” He encloses her left hand between his own and squeezes, the pressure and warmth spreading through her body like wildfire.

She meets his eyes, “Not in the way that matters.”

He turns the truck off, hopping out before Riley can say anything else. He walks around the hood of the car and pulls the passenger door open, “Come on.”

“What are you doing?”

He helped her out of the truck, “You trust me, right?”

More than he’ll ever know.

“You know I do.” She eyed him suspiciously as he opened one of the complex’s doors for her, following as she entered.

“From what I can recall, Bozer got you a Nintendo Switch for your birthday earlier this year. It’s been a while since I’ve had the pleasure of destroying you in Super Smash Bros.”

His voice was quiet, trying not to disturb the people trying to sleep.

“First of all, you’ve never destroyed me in Super Smash Bros, and you never will if you keep playing with Luigi,” She grinned, watching as he shook his head in disagreement, “And second of all, it’s two in the morning.”

He shrugged, “That’s never stopped us before.”

He wasn’t wrong, but things were different now.

Riley tried not to think about Desi, wrapped up in Mac’s bed, peacefully sleeping and blissfully unaware of this entire exchange.

Not that she had anything to worry about.

It didn’t matter anyway because clearly, Riley had issues with saying “no” to Angus Macgyver.

“Fine, but prepare to get your ass beaten.”

He grinned triumphantly, “That sounds like a challenge.”

She unlocked her apartment door, stepping into the dark and quiet entryway. She faltered a little bit, her heartbeat quickening with newfound anxiety.

As always, the apartment radiated energy that always put Riley out of place.

Mac closed the door behind him, helping himself to any food he could find in her fridge. There was an intimacy to it, a closeness that made the apartment much more bearable. Her shoulders dropped a little, the anxiety easing a little as she took a deep breath.

She busied herself in the living room, connecting the switch to her TV and grabbing a variety of different pillows and blankets.

It was, after all, a tradition for these types of events.

Mac joined her after a couple of minutes with two beers, “Your fridge is worse than mine.”

“Will you get it started,” Riley ignore his comment, handing him one of the controllers, “ I’m going to change.”

When she returned in a comfy ensemble of leggings and a sweatshirt, Mac was scrolling through the character list. She hopped the back of the couch to sit next to him, watching as he hovered over Luigi for what feels like an eternity.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Mac’s determined expression didn’t falter, “You’re just jealous of my skills.”

Those skills proved to be no match for Riley’s, though, after she managed to beat him in the first game. It became much more entertaining when she did it again in the second. She tried not to laugh, but it became nearly impossible with his onslaught of complaints.

“You’re such a cheater, you can’t do that!” He pressed down hard on the keys as if smashing them harder will make Luigi speed up.

Jokes on him, Luigi was the slowest character in the game.

Very slowly, her exhaustion began to creep up on her. She knew she was done for when Mac actually managed to beat her. He seemed just as surprised as she was, but he suggested switching to a movie anyway.

They ended up choosing a documentary, something that Mac had been interested in watching recently. Riley didn’t care what they watched, as long as she got to lay down.

Mac placed a pillow in his lap and tapped it gently.

“So, was this your plan,” She comfortably adjusted her body, so her neck wasn’t in an awkward position propped up on the pillow.

In front of them, a monotone voice explained the phenomena surrounding the universe.

“Homo Sapiens are social creatures; we need people to survive,” Riley could feel Mac’s fingers coursing through her waves, creating a soothing pattern that calmed any remaining tension in her body. 

“You feel comfortable at Phoenix, sitting around the fire pit at my house, or spending time with the team at the arcade because we’re there. It’s okay to need us, Riles, because trust me, we need you, too.”

Mac’s words barely resonate with her, and she hummed noncommittally in response.

His fingers gently combed through the tangles at the nape of her neck, “I don’t think we build homes in material things like houses or apartments, but rather, in the people we surround ourselves with.”

Laying there, with her head on his lap and his fingers in her hair, Riley could only think one thing:

He couldn’t be more right. 

[creativia10]

Janus in Wickhills Part 4

Notes: (Continuation of recursive fic of @/tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors 's Love and Other Fairytales series

Previous parts Janus in Wickhills Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

This is an au of Laoft where Remus came back several years earlier, and Linda isn’t in the picture yet. Also takes place some time after Logan has become the Seelie court rep.

Ch 4

They went back to the house the normal way.

Roman and Mamaw already appeared to be looking through some books on witch magic. They both looked up as the three came back into the house.

“Did you find anything out?” Ro asked.

L and V looked at each other. Then V sort of shrugged.

“Possibly? We found some significant information-“

“But it doesn’t necessarily bring us more insight into this” L said gesturing at Janus.

Janus pursed his lips.

“We’re going to try some other things out to see if we can gather anything else.”

Ro started to get up, “Do you need-“

“No, dear.” L stepped forward and held Ro’s hands.

Just then, a cat hopped up onto the table Ro had been reading at, and gave a loud miffed meow towards Ro. Ro gave the cat a look, but then turned back as L continued.

“You are fine as you are. You are the most qualified here to help us search through magic books. You are being very helpful.”

Ro blushed at that and looked away. He then mumbled, “It’s not like we’re the only witches around here or anything.”

L simply smiled, leaned in and pecked Ro’s cheek. V smiled softly at them.

“Oh, go on like I am not contributing just as much if not more,” Mamaw called out.

L huffed, “I thought the plural ‘you’ was implied!”

Ro snickered. Mamaw was clearly fighting a smile, so L let it go. He squeezed Ro’s hands one more time before turning back to V and Janus.

“Should we wait for our songbird for this?” He asked. “We certainly can’t do everything, as we are fae ourselves.”

V tilted his head, then shook it.

“Not for all of it. He loves working at the bakery, I don’t want to pull him away from it.”

L nodded with a soft smile.

“Very well. Perhaps I should get some of my family members to help then?”

V hmmed.

“If they’re comfortable with it.”

They turned to Janus.

“Is that alright?”

Janus hesitated.

“I guess.”

L stepped towards him.

“Don’t worry, my family members are good people. I don’t think they would do anything unprovoked.”

Janus nodded hesitantly. It’s not like he had a lot of options then anyways. L got his phone out to see if his brother was home. When he got an affirmative, the three of them walked through the woods and into town.

Apparently they did not have a ready car, as they lived in the woods, so they were walking for now. L turned to Janus but paused before speaking. Janus was about to ask him what was up, when V quickly hopped into a shadow thing and came back, holding out Janus’ hat.

“Apparently we forgot your hat by the hammock.”

Janus mouth formed an O, and he sheepishly put his hat back on, trying to angle it like he had the other night at the revel despite knowing that would not be enough. Janus looked around as they walked, trying to see if he would get something from this. He wasn’t sure how to describe what he was seeing. It felt familiar but not. And there was definitely a twinge of magic feeling in the air, as to be expected from a town like Wickhills. Although he wasn’t sure how he knew that.

When they got to L’s family’s house, they waited outside for his brother to come out to greet them.

When Janus saw L’s brother come outside, he was immediately struck with the similar appearances the two had. Yet, there was a lack of the faery features that were prominent on L.

Changeling, his mind supplied, although he wasn’t sure how he knew that.

The brother stood on the steps for a moment staring at Janus. Janus shifted in discomfort.

“Bug. I would like your assistance, as we are met with a situation we are unsure what to do with.”

‘Bug’ looked at Janus then to L.

“Yeah, I am getting that feeling.” He walked over to L.

“He has told us we may call him Jay. He woke up on the forest floor with amnesia.”

“We were hoping you could help us to test if he is fae considering,” L said.

Bug looked confused.

“O…k. Why not have your nonfae husbands help?”

“Roman is looking through witch books with nana to see if they can find more info on what may have happened to Jay, and Patton is at the bakery.”

“We, uh, didn’t want to interrupt him,” V said.

Bug smiled a little and nodded.

“Alright. I’ll get some stuff from inside and I’ll meet you in the back yard.”

He took a step back to the house and then turned to L again.

“Am I hiding that you’re here from mom and dad?” Bug asked a little quieter.

L sighed. “I just did not want to worry them.”

Bug nodded. “Alright.” Then he went back into the house. Janus followed the two fae around the house to the back.

Janus wanted to ask about L and his brother’s relation, but he wasn’t sure if he should.

Then again, he wanted to understand what this test would pertain.

“So…your family is human?” Janus asked.

L gave Janus an unreadable look.

“…yes. I am a changeling. My parents were able to get my brother back from the faery who left me with them, but they refused to give me back.”

Janus tilted his head, having never heard of such a thing.

“How did they manage that?”

“I believe there was a variety of factors. For one, they had armed the house up with faery charms, so she was unable to go inside or really outright do anything to them despite their refusal.”

“Oh wow.”

Janus couldn’t help but wonder what kind of people his parents were to be willing to keep a changeling child like that. He was almost afraid to ask why they chose to, out of fear that would offend him.

“and yet…you represent the seelie court now,” Jay said instead.

After a moment L nodded. Before he could ask more careful questions about that, L’s brother came back out holding some different things.

“Ok, hopefully these will do it. Although this could be difficult, as I am assuming we do not want to cause harm, and most ways to tell if someone is a faery when you’re not fae or a witch, is by wards.”

“Actually, that reminds me. Do you think it would be helpful to have your boyfriend come over? Since you’re trying to figure out what’s going on, and his double sight could be helpful,” L said.

Bug seemed unsure.

V seemed hesitant. “Only if he’s comfortable with it.”

“I get the sense he is still freaked out by this Wickhills magical stuff,” Bug said.

L pondered.

“V, do you know if anyone ever looked at your brother through a hag stone?”

V tilted his head then shook it.

“As far as I know, no. I didn’t let Grettie or her family get anywhere near him.”

“So we don’t know if his appearance from double sight would have a similar affect to seeing V,” L mumbled.

“Um, excuse me-“ Janus waved a hand to get their attention. “I’m confused. What are you talking about here?”

Bug seemed confused, but L adjusted his tie and turned to Janus.

“We discovered that my brother’s boyfriend has something called double sight. Basically, when he wears an iron ring that he has, on a specific hand, he is able to see past magical glamor, and can essentially see the magical auras of fae, witches, and those who were blessed by a fae gift. A hagstone is a special type of rock with a hole in it that has a similar affect if one were to look through it.”

“…okay. And why are you concerned about me being seen through it?”

L sighed.

“Because, my brother’s boyfriend freaked out upon seeing V’s true form with his double sight, and as we don’t know your origin, we do not know what he may see and if it would freak him out similarly.”

Bug then said, “I can at least ask him, and we’ll just have to try and be careful. Maybe it’ll be helpful if we’re aware to help him out the moment anything seems off. He’s trying to get more used to these things, since yall are part of my family. In fact, he might even be glad to feel helpful, as he probably still feels somewhat awkward around you guys.”

V nodded and L shrugged. Bug smiled. “Cool, I’ll ask him, and we can start while we wait.”

“Why do you call him bug anyways?”

They jumped a little at the question and looked at him. Janus immediately felt sheepish. That seemed kind of random given their previous topic of conversation. It’s not like that was something he needed to know. Bug rubbed the back of his neck.

“It’s just kind of a nickname from when I was kid. Like how I call him Berry.”

Janus snorted a little, then composed himself.

“Alright, that’s cute.”

L blushed a little at that. V smiled with some mirth.

“I do believe you may be distracting us though.” L said then. Janus gaped. He wasn’t really doing it on purpose. V narrowed his eyes some, before L patted his hand.

“I am suggesting it’s a nervous thing dear, nothing else.”

V relaxed a little at that. Bug looked between the three of them, seeming unsure.

“How about we go over this first?”

They nodded.

“Jay, do you know anything about fae wards?” Bug asked him. Jay’s eyes widened, having not expected the brother to ask him something directly.

“Um, I am not sure actually. I mean, I must know some things, as I could tell L was a changeling when I saw your similar appearances.”

“Hm.” Bug grabbed one of the things he brought out.

“Uh,” he looked at the other two fae there, “Did you two want to like back up or something?”

Okay, that was a nerve-racking statement.

V scoffed. “I am the lord of the forest. I can likely handle human versions of faery wards.”

L nodded a little, “I will probably be ok. I would not put myself in harm.”

Bug still seemed unsure, but he nodded. He held out a daisy. Janus looked at the daisy, then looked back up at Bug with a raised eyebrow.

“What-“

“Just, come a little closer.”

Janus sighed and rolled his eyes and he walked up to the daisy held out. He squinted and bent towards it. Almost immediately he wrinkled his nose as a sudden itchiness hit him. Bug stepped back just in time to avoid getting sneezed on.

“Okay, so that’s one.” Bug said, throwing the daisy back away from him.

Janus sighed.

“Oh? and that’s a sign of allergies as well, I would think.”

Bug shrugged. “Yeah, that’s why it’s one of the less harmful deterrents. Ah, here’s one that can’t be put off as an allergy.”

He held out a jar of honey.

“Honey is known to cause good neighbors to get drunk.”

“I’m sorry what?” Janus asked in bewilderment. He looked around at the others who nodded.

“I am not sure how you would feel about that, though,” Bug continued.

“Perhaps we should go with a different one?” L asked. Bug nodded.

“Here’s another one that can’t be explained any other way, seeing as I am not a witch. Kids used to torment us with this one,” Bug said and then he proceeded to take his shoes and socks off. Janus looked on with furrowed brows. Bug then turned his socks inside out and started to put them back on. Janus was about to ask what the brother was doing, when in a blink, suddenly the brother was gone. Janus jolted and looked around.

“What…the hell”

L and V shared a knowing look.

“Did-did you see where he went? Wha-how”

Suddenly the brother reappeared, startling Janus again.

“Well, that answers that.”

“…what?”

Bug finished putting his footwear back on.

“Humans turn their clothes inside out to hide from the view of fae.”

“…what?”

“In other words,” L stepped forward, “If he disappeared for you when he turned his socks inside out, that’s a sign that you are, after all, a fae.”

“…why would that even work anyways?”

V half-smiled at that. “Do you really expect us to be able to explain why every magical happenstance with faeries happens?”

Janus paused then shrugged. He…wasn’t sure what to make of this. It made sense, sort of , given what they had already said, with observation. Somehow, it didn’t sound right though. How would he not feel like he was? Maybe he should ask L more about his changeling situation, that was the closest thing he could think of.

“Jay?” L asked.

“Hmm?” Janus looked up. L looked at him with concern.

“Are you alright?”

Janus frowned. He didn’t know how to answer that.

“Hey,”

They looked over to V, who was looking up from a silvery rectangular device he had been leaning over and fluttering his fingers across for some reason.

“I was letting them know what we found. Wren just got off work, so Ro suggested we all meet up at a picnic, by twin cliff falls, like we used to. How would you feel about that?” V asked.

Janus narrowed his eyes. “…a picnic?”

“Yeah. Ro likes to throw together picnics for us, although he doesn’t do that as much since we moved into our house in the woods together. He has also invited Remus. Cricket, would you care to come as well? Your boyfriend can meet with us there.”

Bug smiled at that.

“Sure, that sounds fun. I kind of thought that spot was a place just the four of you liked to go to.”

V shrugged.

“It was, but it’s still a nice spot. I don’t really mind.”

Bug nodded. “Alright, I’ll send him the invite. Do we need to bring anything?”

“I don’t think so, but I can ask. You know, you are in that group chat too.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Janus asked. They looked at him.

“How did he communicate the picnic thing to you?”

V frowned. “Ah, he texted us.” V said, and wiggled the device he was holding. “On the phone.”

“…text? and that does not look like a phone to me.”

They all shared looks.

“Ah, it’s a newer type of phone. And texting is like sending a typed message through it. Here, I’ll show you,” V carefully showed him the flat part of his device, that had blinking words on it. Janus’ face pinched, as he had trouble wrapping his head around this device.

“W-“

“How about we talk more about this when we get there, yeah?” Bug cut in. Janus shrugged. He was just confused though.

“Ok, cool. I’ll go tell mom and dad what we’re doing.”

“And yes, Bug, it’s fine to let them know we’re going there for a picnic.”

Bug nodded before he headed back into the house.

[yaboylevi]

Hi! I love ur blog, especially ur Snk Metas and Ereri metas. What are your thoughts on the whole “Eren has always been like this” (always been evil or capable of great evils like genocide) that a lot of people seem to agree on? I’ve always had a hard time believing in that idea because we’ve been shown multiple times that Eren is capable of sympathy and empathy, so to say he’s ALWAYS been like this is wrong.

Hi! Thank you!!

Looking through my snk 121 tag I found that I have already received similar questions, so I’m gonna link one here if you want the short version of it. Even if it was something I wrote up right after the chapter was out, it’s not like my opinion has changed much... more like, my faith in Isayama writing a decent conclusion and explanation in regards to Eren has plummeted in the past year and a half.

But anyway, now we have some new information pertaining Eren, so I feel like I can add more on this moment and my take on it in light of such new perspective.

Let me preface this with: Eren hates what he’s doing, is despising every second, was scared of his future visions, often paralyzed, desperate to find a better solution than this, because he knows - let me repeat it - HE KNOWS this is horrifying. We had hints throughtout the story, but many have ignored them. For me, Eren going through grief and apologizing for something he hadn’t even done yet in chapters 131 was no shocker at all, but I guess some people may have actually been surprised, I don’t know. It was right there since the Marley arc and his breakdown over Sasha, but many have completely misinterpreted that scene, denying it was desperation that he was feeling, so it was nice to finally have confirmation. Kinda.

However, you know, Isayama doesn’t seem to have picked a side on his characterization of Eren. Or maybe there is still something that’s concealed, because everything we have seen, isn’t evething that has happened, and it doesn’t explain yet some things about Eren and, relevant to this post, why Eren has decided to give up and give in to his future self’s memories of destruction. I’m sorry, but Eren believing “there is no other way, other than killing the whole world’s population, because the future cannot be changed” due to some memories is not gonna cut it, especially because we haven’t seen him fight too hard against it. In my opinion, at least. Or maybe he did, but we haven’t been shown.

The most hopeful part of my heart wishes he is already trying to change things, in a very roundabout and secret way, but the tired and logical part is done hoping. After all, Eren is alternating between being hellbent on going through with rumbling the world, and being absolutely horrified by it. I’ve been getting whiplash every month for a couple of years now.

As for your actual question, and that line during the Paths Time Travel...

Let’s start from here, shall we? That whole conversation with Zeke in Paths was to Zeke what chapter 112 was to Mikasa and Armin, imo. Chapter 121, huh, same numbers...but anyways. I think I have already wrote it somewhere, but I believe Eren lied, and purposely hurt Zeke. To make him, and Mikasa and Armin, realize something and act accordingly, maybe against Eren himself.

In Mikasa’s case, the realization was gradual since then, because Eren’s lies kickstarted it immediately. In Armin’s case, I think we still haven’t seen the full potential of it, though it may come next chapter - and I mean the “You were influenced by Bertolt, an enemy” angle. I am surprised Armin hasn’t followed this reasoning in regards to Eren, who has three titans within him, none of them particularly allied with Paradis. We left Armin seeing Bertolt, who is, in turn, watching him. I wonder if a conversation won’t happen right off the bat in chapter 136.

Anyhow, Eren, in chapter 112, also very much hit Armin and Mikasa where it hurt them the most - which is the same thing he did to Zeke here, bringing up his hate for Grisha and how it was the only think really fuelling him, and went through all the effort of making him reconcile with Grisha. Mmm, sus. Am I the only one feeling it’s sus??? I really have to wonder if he doesn’t kind of want/need Zeke to stop him, just like I believe he did with Armin and Mikasa. After all, there was no need to antagonize them and make them have reasons to stop caring for him, if he didn’t want to be stopped.

So, if it wasn’t already clear, Eren is a big liar, and he’s good at it if you don’t know him (and Zeke, Armin, and Mikasa have proven they don’t know or understand him very well at times). His acting skills have been shown all the way back in the cabin scene when he was 8 years old and tricked those traffickers.

There is another layer to these lies that I’d like to touch upon, though.

The line you were inquiring about feels exactly like his “I am free” in chapter 112. He sounds so sure, but it is a freaking lie.

See how both Armin and Mikasa are confused by such a bold, out-of-the-blue statement, the same way Zeke asks Eren “Since birth?” because, like, what is that all even about?

Eren has been feeling trapped in his own future memories to the point that his freedom of choice even existing anymore has become a big question mark. There is no freedom in following the path you were shown.

Eren’s urge to save someone from “having their freedom solen” by “physically assaulting the perpetrators first” has never, ever meant that he was willing to or okay with sacrificing innocents. Quite the opposite, in fact. There have been whole arcs about that. About Eren freaking out over people dying for him, refusing to sacrifice friends for the bigger picture, grieving for or sympathizing with innocents losing their lives or having them destroyed by some bigger threat. That has not changed.

So the big question remains: Why?

With these outrageous and confident statements about himself, I don’t think Eren is merely lying to his interlocutor to change their perception of him. I think he is lying to himself as well in the meantime. It looks like it did the trick, or not - based on how you want to interpret it. He really has been dissociating hard during his rampage.

But it all depends on what Isayama's angle is with Eren. In 112 Eren seemed to believe his “I am free” statement because he had an instant reaction to Armin challenging it. At the same time, now that we also have chapter 130-131 to enrich our reading, there is no way Eren felt free into the choices he made after hearing Willy’s declaration of war. He saw a terrifying future, he hoped against hope that it would change, but felt powerless and gutted and desperate that all pointed to such a future being unchangeable. So I do wonder if maybe he didn’t end up lying to himself - subconsciously or not - that he is free... and that he is always been this way - a cold-blooded murderer who did it all for justice.

Zoom in on Eren forlornly watching himself as a kid show pure kindess to a girl who just went through the most traumatizing experience in her life.

For the matter, I don’t believe Eren “has always been this way”. I actually don’t believe he’s ever been that way. I don’t know why many(?) people just accept whatever Eren says at face value, ignoring all context surronding it.

As I posted very recently, it doesn’t make sense for Eren to go from one extreme to the other without a better excuse, or explanation, or a more believable writing of it...or a plot twist that I guess I will wait for for another 4 months:

Eren came to realize that outside the walls people are just...well, people. There are good ones everywhere, people who suffered just like him, people who deserve better, certainly don’t deserve to be caught up in the Rumbling, people who have lives, children, moms, loved ones. This is highlighted again in chapter 131, because maybe, when Eren brought it up in the basement with Falco and Reiner, people didn’t think he was being genuine. So Isayama shows us again that Eren truly believed that.

And yet, the chapter before, Eren put those very same people on the same level of Titans when he used to think Titans were scum, a nightmare sent to eat them alive, because he addressed them with “匹”, a derogatory counter when applied to people, because it is usually used for small animals.

The parallel to how he used to feel towards Titans is smacked in our faces, because in Japanese, it’s the same exact line. He now feels that way about people.

...What?

It doesn’t make sense, right?

Because really, the same way Eren’s first impulse in Marley was to save Ramzi when he was being beaten up (and threatened with a worse fate than some bruises), the same way Eren helped him regardless and again went against 3 full-grown men, it’s the same way Eren rushed to Mikasa’s rescue when he didn’t even know her... or the same way he pushed himself into a Titan’s mouth just to save Armin. it doesn’t come from a sentiment of “I need to punish these monsters because they are threatening me”. It comes from a natural, intrinsic need to help and save others. It is deeply saddening that at the end of this journey, with Ramzi, he just feels like this natural predisposition of his is just a fake and turns him into a hypocrite.

So for Eren to say he has always been that way while looking at his 8 years old self stabbing a human trafficker in the chest to save a little girl to try and explain why he’s killing innocent people who happens to be living alongside “the bad guys” is a false equivalence. Either it’s a lie Eren tells himself and to Zeke to make both of them believe this is what Eren is, and has always been, and there is nothing they could do to prevent it - in a sort of twisted liberation from guilt because “if I was always like this, then you and I both shouldn’t have expected anything different”...

...or it’s Isayama’s failed attempt at presenting a theoretical concept he liked and talked about in interviews, suddenly turning Eren into a poster boy for it and canceling previous sides of Eren’s complexity as a character. I would like to believe Isayama hasn’t lost his magic touch this badly, but every day I’m less sure of it.

My opinion, for what is worth, is that that line you quoted is something he said to trick Zeke into detaching himself from Eren and going against him - breaking the bonds of love all around him has been a very deliberate choice Eren has made post time-skip - and at the same time it’s something Eren is trying to believe himself, in a desperate attempt at explaining to his own conscience that he was destined to bring such destruction, that he was always capable of it, and that there is a sort of justice in it where there isn’t. And he knows, deep down. That’s why he dissociates in the end.

In a very twisted, self-deprecating way, Eren is a liar to everyone, himself included. He has become an unreliable narrator about himself. Eren has completely shut down because he cannot stand what he is doing.

And I would very much like to know why he gave up on trying to find a different solution, if that’s what it is that happened, and why he sounds like a different person every other scene he appears in, in the next 4 months.

[kookiepredictions]

Why Jungkook will fall in love with his future spouse

First of all I hear, “Can’t help it”. It’s a strong magnetic pull that Jungkook simply can’t resist. “Before I even knew what it was, I was already in love”. “I try everything to stay out and stay away, but every time I fall deeper and deeper”. I’ve already mentioned that I strongly feel that his is a twinflame connection. There’s an intense and all-consuming attraction between him and his partner that neither of them seem to have any control over. The connection has a mind of its own and instead of getting normal with time, it just keeps intensifying. There’s the typical push and pull dynamic, where one moment they try to get rid of the connection and the next moment they want to cling to it. One moment it’s a gift from the heavens, then the next, the biggest curse. They love each other but don’t always know what to do with it or how to handle it without anyone getting hurt. Specifically speaking of Jungkook, he finds her when he was a bit... lost, for the lack of a better word. She brings in a sort of newness in his life, something exciting to look forward to everyday. Twinflames are reflections of each other, so as the connection grows, he sort of “sees” himself in her, both physically and personality-wise. He finds another him in a world where he was feeling a little lost and lonely. Typically in a twinflame connection, Divine Feminines are the advanced spiritual journeyers who sort of lead the connection from a spiritual standpoint (whereas Divine Masculines lead in the physical world), so Jungkook finds “answers” pertaining to his life, from both her and the connection in general. He gains overall clarity about some things. But that’s not all that a TF connection does, therefore he also gets hella confused about a lot of things. This is because he is in a process of awakening spiritually which is why his perceptions of life are being challenged and changed. This is why, while on the one hand, he gets more clarity, on the other, he gets more tangled up, until those tangles are sorted out and then he gets tangled up about something else again. So on and so forth. This is of course frustrating for him, given that he is in a stage of his life where he doesn’t have the luxury of time for sitting in silence for spiritual awakening to happen. However, he also feels an overall sense of growth and calmness that comes with your spiritual journey, whether or not it is welcomed. This connection propels him to a new direction of knowledge and awareness and there’s almost a supernatural, otherworldly aspect to his life because of this. There are moments when he wants to make it all go away but he also feels himself becoming into a new version. This whole process is one of the reasons he loves her. This “new” perspective that she gives him. Before her, his life was a tired cycle of old thoughts, beliefs, habits and practices. One thing that must be mentioned is that this process starts even before she comes into his life. He starts slipping into the “dark night of the soul”, an indispensable stage of spiritual awakening, a few years before he meets her, where he is a little disenchanted with the world, the people in it, and life in general— including love. There is a sense of despair and hopelessness about what the world has to offer. Everything feels meaningless and purposeless— not like he hates his life, but more of the drudgery of everyday life, the same things happening over and over again without any real growth or advancement on life. This was the stage where he was, consciously or subconsciously (mostly subconsciously, because when you “awaken” is when you find consciousness), seeking answers and some kind of a purpose to it all, that would give him the motivation to move ahead— heck, to even get up from bed every morning. Like, “What is the point of all this? What is the point of life at all? Why am I doing what I am doing everyday? Is this the best way I can live my life? If yes, then why do I only feel OK and not exhilarated every moment? Is there a way to feel happier than what I feel right now?”

TFs typically meet at this point of seeking answers. Like I said earlier, the DFs (gender neutral) tend to be ahead in their spiritual journey so they are the ones who tend to have some of the “answers” before the DMs. So when the meet, the DMs almost feel “initiated” into their spiritual journey. Note, the journey starts even before they meet, but now it starts to make sense, albeit at a very slow pace. Nevertheless, compared to the state of mind the DMs are in prior to the meeting, this new and fresh change in their life situation is very welcome to them. This is Jungkook’s first reason of attraction towards his twin. It’s a fresh change in his life, but not in a superficial way, rather in a deeper spiritual way. Of course, twinflames don’t immediately see it as that, as real twinflames typically know absolutely nothing about either spiritual terms or twinflame concepts UNTIL they meet. (Those who say they’ve met their twinflame AFTER they learn about twinflame connections, aren’t really in a TF connection but that’s a topic for another day). It’s like, they’re thrown into water without knowing how to swim, where they are then expected to learn how to swim. It sounds harsh but spiritual awakenings are about being out of your comfort zone without having a clue about it. Twinflames though, are selected for the job because they are innately endowed with personality traits that won’t allow them to drown in the water. They are problem solvers and answer-seekers. If they sense something is wrong around them, even though everyone else is silently following it, they won’t do the same. They would like to first understand what is wrong and then work on righting the wrong. Jungkook, as the DM, naturally has these personality traits, a rebellious, go-against-the-grain attitude being one of them. He was created to question, he was created to seek answers. “Doing the right thing” is important to him. However, when the whole world around you operates directly opposite of your ideas and beliefs, it’s natural to feel alone and also frequently doubt your own beliefs, or end up doing certain wrong things believing that they might be right, or just ignoring the whole soul-yapping. In this situation, he alternatingly chooses between 1) adapting and adjusting with what others are doing, which gives him some moments of conflict-less peace, 2) getting tired and drained of adapting and behaving opposite of what his soul tells him to do and shutting the world out and being alone with his own thoughts and feelings, and 3) feeling lost with no direction or conclusion to his thoughts and then going back to 1 again.

So when he meets his DF, there’s a sense of having another person who understands his POV unlike anyone else ever has. This is because DFs have already gone through this stage before their DMs. She was also thrown in that water and she has figured out a little of how to swim. This makes him feel not alone anymore. And because she is able to articulate these struggles, she also helps him figure out his own way, which gives him a nudge towards the direction that he had been looking for since even before they met. This is why DMs fall in love with their DFs. This is the outer manifestation of the soul connection that they have. As mentioned in the Ideal Type reading as well, when Jungkook said in his interviews about wanting someone to teach him new things, someone maturer than him, it’s all DM behaviour. As is common knowledge, twinflames, from the time they are born, seek their soul counterpart— subconsciously of course. This is why their ideas and concepts about love are really different from, say, their friends or siblings or parents’ ideas. There is something very specific they are looking for without knowing what it is. Their crushes, previous partners etc. all have some attributes very similar to their twinflame counterparts’. Because they were looking for their counterparts in all those people. So when they meet, they have this sense of FINALLY! that they feel deep in their bones without consciously knowing about it. It’s a strange kind of overwhelming happiness in finding your twinflame counterpart for the first time. You don’t know they are your twinflame, heck, you don’t even know the term “twinflame”, yet you feel like you’ve found someone so similar to you it’s unreal. You immediately want to lock arms, see the world together, have all kinds of experiences together because you now have someone with whom you have the purpose and the motivation to see more of this world. You’re not a lonely loser anymore who is a walk inconvenience for everyone with their unconventional thoughts and ideas. Well, if you’re a loser, then at least you now have a partner-in-crime together with whom you can judge the rest of the world. Although the twinflame connection is often confusing, frustrating and full of external problems and obstacles, just the feeling of having a partner who is truly your other half, in a world where everything is so temporary and uncertain, is unparalleled. Honestly, this is the main reason why Jungkook falls in love with his twinflame. Of course, they motivate each other to become better versions of themselves, but self-improvement is a trait they already had in them before they met. It’s the partnership, the “we got each other while we deal with everything else” vibe that is the main foundation of their love. Everything else, like her looks, talent, personality etc. are subordinate and variable— meaning, Jungkook does appreciate all of these things in her, but even if she looked different or had different sets of talents, he would still fall in love with her.

[bevercges]

🐭 • So we literally know nothing about Bradley’s shenanigans between the end of Coon vs. Coon & Friends, when he left Earth to discover what happened to his home planet, and Bring the Crunch, where he states that he is living there now and doing who knows what.

Well I always wanted to write a post giving my thoughts on the subject (and I have a bit of a teaser here) so, for the sake of future RPs, I may as well do it. I will probably divide this into two posts because the Lore and my shenanigans are different things.

Just saying it now: this is mostly my own making and ideas as there’s very little canonical backing on the topic. If I have anything that I can quote to use as proof of my statements I will do it, but this is mostly my own interpretation.

Bradley Biggle has been around as a background character since Season 3, joining the main four as one of their classmates after moving to the fourth grade in Season 4. Still, until Season 14, he has been a (recognizable) background character with voice roles that could be easily counted with your hands –akin to characters like DogPoo or Kevin Stoley–.

The introductory paragraph above is a way of saying: we didn’t really know that much about Bradley until the Coon & Friends Trilogy. Hell, we still don’t, it is only on the final part of the trilogy, Coon Vs. Coon & Friends, when we learn a few things about him, and that episode starts with the video above.

“But Bradley Biggle is no ordinary fourth-grader!”

I am not going to waste time explaining why is Mintberry Crunch and what he does (for that’s what his About Page is all about) but, obviously, the entire clip is a form of foreshadowing to the ending. Spoilers to a 10-year-old episode: Bradley receives a message from outer space in which he’s told that he’s an alien from a far away planet whose destiny is to save Earth from C’thulu. Also Kenny thought that this revelation was going to be for him so he got scammed of his backstory, I guess.

So yeah, Bradley is a superhero with a backstory akin to Superman: he is an enhanced alien that was sent off to safety as a baby during times of crisis, and was found, adopted and raised by a human family, the Biggles. Yeah, I don’t think anyone really thought that Bradley and Henrietta were biological siblings, but whatever.

While we don’t know if everyone in the planet K'oh Kajan (or Kokujon, as I will be typing it like that) has the same powers as MBC, since we know that the berries of that planet “have the power to fuel nearly anything”, I’m going to take a guess that the “nearly” is there because they cannot grant superpowers to people, so Bradley is the outlier and a case of the chosen one. He is the only one with this powers, basically.

So he defeats C’thulu with his mint and berry superpowers and stuff (yes, defeats, he can only summon mint and berry to his aid, which would mostly work to reduce an opponent rather than killing them), and this episode ends with what would mark MBC’s exit from the show (outside of the very rare background appearance) for a very long time:

Canonically-speaking, this is what we know.

Bradley left to search for his biological parents (and his home planet, I suppose) and we would not hear about him for sure until Season 21. To be more precise, we would not hear about MBC’s shenanigans until his appearance in Fractured But Whole’s second DLC, Bring the Crunch.

Timestamp goes from 1:06 to 2:22 (unless you want spoilers).

Funny enough, while this would mark MBC’s return, it still does not give us much information about what he has been up to before the events pertaining this DLC. However, we still get a few clues from his in-game dialogue which I’m going to interpret for you guys.

"I picked up your distress call from the berry mines of my home planet. I've come to offer my assistance."

Something we know for sure is that he made it back to Kokujon!! This means that the main reason he has been away for so long (or so it’s my guess) is because he found his home planet, reunited with his biological parents and decided to settle there instead of returning to Earth with the Biggles. We still know that he visits, however, as he appears in Stick of Truth and in some more episodes (before disappearing again in Season 22):

We still don’t really know anything about his home planet, though, outside of very selective information he gives in and out of battle. Here’s a few examples:

"It's so weird being back on Earth. I can't believe you guys only have one sun!"

“You wanna know the best thing about Kokujon? No school."

"I didn't travel halfway across the galaxy to be treated like this."

He doesn’t live anywhere in the Solar System, that’s for sure, because not only he has traveled “across the galaxy” to respond to Fastpass’ distress call (which is another can of worms in itself, because how could have he received a call like that from literal light years away?), but also our system only has one sun.

This is just me trying to tie things together with South Park canon (so it’s a bit of a tangent), but in Season 13, in the episode Pinewood Derby, we are made aware of the existence of the Federation of Planets, a government body that is on a galactic level. The only reason I mention this is because MBC has proven to be capable of traveling at warp speed –traveling from his home planet to Earth in a matter of (what I am going to suppose were) minutes after receiving that distress call–, and all the planets that have discovered warp speed are part of the Federation, so that must be the case for Kokujon.

The exception to this rule, if anyone has watched the episode, would be Earth, but that’s because they didn’t meet the requirements to join the Federation and were blocked off the rest of the galaxy instead.

Not sure if this is canon anymore, but if it is that means that Bradley is constantly breaking the law by visiting a planet that has been labeled as off-limits, but he is not the only alien that has set foot in South Park anyways.

Actually, speaking of breaking the law and stuff, that reminds me... here is a screenshot of MBC’s character sheet:

While most characters in FBW have the Lawful (and only Lawful) alignment, MBC stands out because he has a more specific alignment. Not only he is Chaotic (which explains the possibility of him being breaking the law whenever he travels back to Earth), but also Neutral, which makes him... a morally grey character. He is neither good, neither bad, he is just... well, himself.

Why am I bringing this up anyways? Because there is one detail about the Kokujonian society that those that have played the DLC are aware about: the caste system.

"On my home planet, you'd get 10 years in the berry mines for that!"

The mention of these berry mines have been a thing ever since Season 14, but this line that can pop up when MBC is attacked in game has quite the connotations. Simple: you commit a crime, you are sent to the berry mines. You commit a crime, you work at the berry mines. You commit a crime, you become a slave. But you could say “oh, Mouse, but it could be like community service like many prisons on Earth- “ and I would have to tell you that you’re wrong because even MBC says so himself.

Despite being a trope in many sci-fi stories based around alien societies it is a very fucked up elephant in the room and everyone and their mother knows this. The last mission in the Bring the Crunch DLC involves fighting (and killing) a mind-controlling alien whose motivation was revenge against the society that put his family (and possibly his entire race to) into this position. Not only that, but if MBC is being truthful, the Kokujonian society has no issue to do the same with anyone that breaks the law, even their own people.

So, does the fact that he is part of this society make Bradley evil? No. Once again, he is Chaotic Neutral, he is just Bradley. And looking at the definition of Chaotic Neutral:

“Chaotic neutral characters like to indulge in everything.  [...]  This type of character will at least consider doing anything if they can find enjoyment or amusement.  Life has meaning, but theirs has the greatest meaning.  According to chaotic neutrals, laws and rules infringe on personal freedom and were meant to be broken.  This character is always looking for the best deal, and will work with good, neutral, or evil to get it; as long as he comes out of the situation on top.  The chaotic neutral is constantly teetering between good and evil, rebelling, and bending the law to fit his needs.”

His alignment makes him more complicated than the black-and-white idea that is being good or being evil on one fact alone. He is defined, however, by the fact that he does what he pleases regardless of what society, morality and laws say. And this is easily backed up by how he addresses the Crooked Cop enemy class in FBW:

"Earth police have no jurisdiction over... Mintberry Crunch!"

"Authority figures are no match for... the crunch!"

So, basically, his alignment makes him a free spirit and, at best, because his family owns slaves, he would be a proxy. He’s mostly a 10-year-old with superpowers that has been granted total freedom to do what he wants and takes full advantage of it (an also a superhero and an illegal alien on Earth, literally and figuratively), so he is not precisely defined by the society of his home planet. I do believe, though, that he has been influenced by the Kokujonian society as a result of living with his biological parents, so his morality and ideas flip-flop a lot.

“Chaotic neutral characters are extremely difficult to deal with. Such characters have been known to cheerfully and for no apparent purpose gamble away everything they have on the roll of a single die. They are almost totally unreliable. In fact, the only reliable thing about them is that they cannot be relied upon!”

MBC choosing to fight that alien (an alien he carelessly allowed to follow him to Earth) could also be interpreted as personal defense and him defending planet Earth from an outer space threat as the Zarganor voices his intentions pretty clearly in-battle, but everyone is welcome to draw their own conclusions since both of them were motivated by very different things.

Anyways, once again, Kokujon is a pretty fucked up planet, but it is also Bradley’s home planet. We can assume that finding this planet and his biological parents helped him discover his real identity as Gok'zarah and, once he accomplished this goal, decided that he had nothing else worth pursuing and settled. He is rather unpredictable, as his alignment dictates, so he may not even stay on Kokujon a lot and instead travels through the galaxy- but those are headcanons of mine.

In conclusion, as a TL;DR: Bradley disappeared from Season 14 to Season 21, and then from Season 22 and onwards, because he’s an alien and has chosen to live in his home planet. Said planet’s society has its fucked up side but Bradley is so unpredictable due to his free spirit nature it is hard to pin-point his morals.

Anyways, for a character that started as a joke character that was used as a deus ex machina, I think he’s pretty cool! :·D And probably one of the strongest characters in this show’s universe.

[thiscrimsonsoul]

So your twins are canon for me because I love the details you give them.... but here's something I don't understand: how is it possible that Wanda does not know about Pietro's right hand, when she can learn literally everything about someone? She's so powerful there is no way Pietro can hide shit from her. Also, he's not subtle at all even if he's stoic. Idk if this belongs here or on Pietro's blog but it's about Wanda's powers so I'm sending it here! Hope you have a great day :D

{out of paprikash} AHHHH! I said it before but I’ll say it again... people saying any of my muses are canon for them just blows my mind in the best way.

With regard to Wanda knowing about Pietro’s right hand/arm, there’s honestly a lot going on there. It’s complicated, heh. But... she does know some things. She knows he was stabbed in his hand because she saw and treated the wound and subsequent infection to the best of her ability. She also knows that Pietro reacted really badly to the IV port that was placed in that same hand when they were in the Hydra lab, and that he suffered another infection from it. So she does know that he’s had wounds and ailments regarding his hand and that it causes him pain. What she doesn’t know is that he has tremors in his arm and hand, that he suffers some numbness and weakness there, some coordination issues, and she doesn’t realize the extent of his pain.

How does she not know this? Because he masks it. The tremors and muscle spasms he plays off as fidgeting, which he does a lot of with both hands and feet. Whenever his arm is spasming or his hand is shaking, he just purposely fidgets to make the movements seem more voluntary. With the pain, it’s been a part of his “normal” since age ten. That’s when it started. So as bad as it is, he’s learned to compartmentalize it and tune it out rather than think about it all the time. To Wanda, he’s not behaving or thinking any differently than he has been since he was ten, so it doesn’t raise any red flags for her. If she does notice that he’s in pain, he’ll lie and say oh I punched something or lifted something and now it hurts or I pulled a muscle or something. Wanda has no reason not to believe him because she believes Pietro would never lie to her. She’s asked questions before or started worrying and he just changes the subject or pulls away, and she’s used to him reacting like that over a lot of things, so that behavior doesn’t necessarily send up red flags for her.

If Wanda were to read Pietro in depth and take the time to really examine how he feels and his thoughts on a daily basis, she would know everything. But she has no reason to do that. It’s her brother. She already thinks she knows everything. To some extent, it’s a case of being so close to someone that you don’t see what’s right in front of your face. Kindof like... as a writer... you shouldn’t edit your own writing once you get to a certain point, you should get a beta reader, or if you do edit your own writing, you should put it down for a good amount of time and then come back to it, because if you edit it yourself right away, it’s so fresh in your mind as to what you wanted to say when you initially wrote it, that you’ll just read it that way even if it’s got typos and errors and omissions, etc. You won’t see the errors because your mind assumes what’s there instead of really seeing it and glosses over the mistakes. Well with Wanda, she knows Pietro so well that she glosses over the details. She assumes she knows everything about him, assumes he’s telling her to the truth, and assumes he has nothing to hide. She’s so close to him that she has no reason to suspect anything is amiss.

Think about it like... if you have x-ray vision and can see through anything, then how do you not see someone hiding behind a wall? Well if you aren’t even paying attention to the wall in the first place because the wall isn’t anything out of the ordinary for you to notice, then you won’t bother to look deeper to see what’s behind it. Wanda could know everything that’s going on with her brother if she bothered to take the time, really read his mind, really sift through the emotions and images she gleans from him when they touch, and look deeper, but she has no reason to do that because she has no reason to suspect anything else is going on. Pietro has told Wanda she can read his mind about anything at any time, she has his full permission. Ironically, that openness makes her feel like he has nothing to hide and actually helps him to... well, hide, heh.

That’s my best explanation of what’s going on with them regarding this issue. I’ll reblog it over on Pietro’s blog too since it pertains to them both.