#he asked me to talk about my gender journey and my aromanticism

[jankwritten]

The easiest part of starting testosterone is now done.

The hard part is figuring out how to tell my mom and dad. ehehehe….headscratch…..

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

Heartstopper season 3 thoughts

Overall: I really liked this season. It was a good balance between heavy shit and teens having fun. I think it's great that they are both real. It's what Geoff said as well: trauma shouldn't define anyway, but it also isn't just gone.

I was also surprised HOW MUCH this season covered. It covered all of book 4 AND 5 of Heartstopper. I admit that I think it may have been too much, as in, at the end it's almost hard to believe that the beginning is in the same season. That being said, I think they did a great job with covering a lot of the source material without it feeling too rushed (like with the Percy Jackson show). It is quite a feat to push the two books + new storylines for Tara, Darcy, Elle, Tao, Isaac, Imogen and Sahar in 4 hours. It IS clear that they get lesser screentime, and a lot happens off-screen, like Darcy's gender journey and Imogen and Sahar becoming closer, but it is what it is and I think it worked with the constraints. This does make me wish for longer seasons. This isn't a Heartstopper-only problem. This is a current-series-trend problem.

Then there's MICHAEL HOLDEN TIME. I kept going "When is it Michael Holden time?" and it WAS MICHAEL HOLDEN TIME. I do think that they maybe leaned a bit too hard on the comic relief side of Michael, but alas, most of his depth is from Solitaire and they skipped over that and I think he'll play a bigger role in season 4. Anyway. Jesus is here.

The only thing that bothered me- and I know this wasn't their fault- was the lack of Olivia Coleman. And I'm not necessarily talking about the Menorca storyline, but they just straight up ignored Sarah. It wasn't until episode 8 where they had the "oh shit, your mum is home" moment that she was even acknowledged. As in, a lot of important moments for Nick happened, but there wasn't even an implication that he talked to her about it off-screen. Maybe Nick could've mentioned her, as in, "Yeah, my mum said this" or "I talked with my mum about Charlie" or even "Mum asked if we have safe sex, so embarrasing!"

(Which, in hindsight, made the decision to move the Spring-Nelson dinner to last season so much better.)

OKAY, under the cut for my thoughts for each episode lol

1. Love

This episode is very much almost word-to-word the same as the comics and I ADORE it. That made the fact that they had Charlie denying that he has an eating disorder very powerful and it added a new interesting dynamic. On the other hand, the fact that Elle talking about trans people in Egypt and her heritage got deleted, was a bit sad. Luckily, Elle had other stuff to do. Tao and Elle were also great in this episode and I'm glad they keep the Tao thing going, since his fear of abandonment runs deep.

Tara and Darcy also got something new and I like the open communication. I'm glad to see Darcy growing in that regard. They are open to hear Tara's feelings.

And the part where Isaac came out was great, especially the part of the vocab session. I definitely relate to that. And I actually liked that even Charlie admitted to not knowing what aromanticism was, since yeah, that is very realistic. Even other queers sometimes don't know.

Also the I love you recreation is 10/10.

2. Home

Of course, Olivia Coleman isn't here. That is the big thing of this episode. I think they managed to fit aunt Diane in perfectly and Hayley Atwell did a great job. I also like that they made her a psychiatrist, so instead of Nick and Sarah looking up stuff at home, Nick gets advice from Diane directly. I think that was a smart choice.

Also: GET FUCKED DAVID. That's what I kept saying during this episode. I was so afraid David would just pop in, but no. I mean, unfortunately, this also meant that the line of David's girlfriend joining them on vacation is no longer applicable, but I think there is a valid reason for David to not go if it's only Nick and his cousins. And maybe David would have been included in Oliva Coleman were here. Sarah calling her son out would feel more appropriate than Diane calling out her nephew.

Speaking of mums, this is also the moment where Jane fights with Charlie. I am a bit sad they took Julio out, but Tori was still there to undermine her. It's also a good choice to then use that fight as an excuse as to why Charlie skips dinner. "It's not the food thing, it's mum!" Oh honey. They also upped Tori's role in the storyline, which I appreciate, and as I said, since Charlie denied his disorder before, him admitting to it in this ep felt extremely powerful.

Luckily, others have great guardians. DARCY'S GRAN IS BEST GRAN EVER. I liked that there was a moment of shock when she found out Darcy is a lesbian, but she immediately accepted it. It's what Darcy needed.

Tao also got more stuff about his dad. The camera ended up playing a huge role in the season and I'm glad Tao got to express his interests as well.

Isaac feeling left out also felt like a big relatable thing. I don't even have many couples in the friend group, but it is something I am afraid of. And because of it, I like that he is the one who reached out to Charlie, since in the comics, Aled is also one of the characters who seeks him out.

3. Talk

Tara's storyline continues. I get some Frances Janvier vibes of her. Everyone thinks they're encouraging her: her teachers, Darcy, her friends, her mum... but it only builds insane pressure.

The teachers are also officially dating and we all collectively lost it when COACH SINGH jump-scared them. I mean, yeah, they're still kissing in a car with windows.

I like the addition of the zoo, since it makes perfect sense for Charlie to sink thoughts into something for Nick in order to distract himself. I also like how the Paris Squad are genuinely friends, even outside of school. Tao was a dick and I'm glad everyone made it clear to him that he was the problem, not Isaac. When Elle said that Tao was mad at Charlie for the same thing... ROASTED.

And then Isaac came out and it was very well-done. I know Alice's own experiences with being aroace underlines Isaac's: Isaac needs to rethink who he was and what he wants and what future he'll get and that's scary. I particulary like that Nick said it's understandable to be scared. A lot of coming out stories focus on "how nothing changes, I'm still me", and that latter is true, but it IS a change and that can be scary. We also all lost it when Nick said he cried at the Am I Gay quiz.

4. Journey

And to top it all off, James is here. I kept wondering if James were coming back and I like that HE is the one who asked Isaac whether he's aro and Isaac's smile!!! We all yelled to the screen like "ISAAC DESERVED THIS!!!"

The talk was another 10/10 recreation.

Ah. The big one. The time jump. I like how they showed it from both Charlie and Nick's point of view. It clearly impacts the both of them in a different way.

A lot of side stuff also happens: Darcy cutting their hair, LADS LADS LADS, the Halloween party... honestly this ep was wild. (Also, lol, Shrek and Fiona costumes).

I particulary liked Charlie's POV. I liked meeting Susan and Geoff, and I noticed that Charlie's dialogue added that his family was able to afford inpatient care. Also, in the comics, Charlie seems way calmer about his diagnosis, but I think it fits him better that it stresses him out. AND Tao! I liked Tao's role in this ep, especially with his movie.

Which, by the way, we lost it at the sequence with the teachers. "Hi Charlie..... Bye Charlie....."

5. Winter

This Winter is always a book that I appreciate for its existence, but don't particulary like reading. Yet I think it was a great choice to adapt it, despite a lot of casual comics fans not reading it, because it does add a lot. It shows how it is for a person to deal with the outcomes of everything, and how insensitive people can be, albeit unintentional.

And it brought OLIVER. God, I missed him. I know why he isn't a Spring sibling, but still. Rip to Tori, Charlie and Oliver's actual third cousin Esther, but OLIVER.

We were also waiting for the introduction of Henry and it paid off! WE LOVE HENRY.

I also liked that they added Doctor Who. I found it so funny to hear 10 yelling "Donnnaaaaaaa!!!!" in the background.

And to my surprise, David was here. I know he's in This Winter, but since he wasn't in Menorca (GET FUCKED DAVID) I expected him to just not be here. He didn't sexually harass Tori, but he was definitely an ass about Charlie's illness. Yet, I find it very interesting that the show manages to sympathise with him. I think this is a strenght, same with last season. The "Call me when you get to Edinburgh." ".... Glasgow." line stayed with me for weeks. Same with how desperately I wanted Ben to enter the queer exhibition in last season. You don't have to like David, and I won't (GET FUCKED DAVID), but I think it's a smart choice to even show that the series' antagonists are human.

Trans sex is also an important storyline and I am glad they added it. I was already very 👀 when the trailer alluded to it, since it is so important to show this. I'm also glad Elle had Naomi to talk about it, although we were a bit confused to see Naomi and Felix at Harry's party. Well, we love to see growth, even from Harry Greene.

And of course, MICHAEL HOLDEN TIME. I was wondering how they were going to introduce him, since Solitaire got skipped over.

6. Body

Ah yes, the aftermath. I really appreciated how this show shows that trauma has a lasting impact. This episode has the famous Solitaire relapse, where Nick and Charlie fight. They glossed over it, but alas, they also skipped all of Solitaire. In the comics, Solitaire still happened, but it just relegated to a background thing. Here it just didn't happen, I guess, since Tori and Michael met at Harry's party and they still attend Higgs. I did like Michael's cat gift scene. I had a moment of "fuck yeah, that's him, that's Michael Holden!" MEOW.

Then there's Jack Maddox. He's just here. It's obviously just so that they could cast Jonathan Bailey. I am not mad about it. I didn't like the original side-comic, but this didn't really go into the jealousy part.

This episode also starts the sex storyline and the body image storyline. Charlie has an ED, his body is a sore spot, especially since he has scars. I think it's a strong choice to show his scars, and I know Alice has written about it when this part happened in the comic. It can be triggering, but I also agree that you cannot brush it off. And as Geoff said, the scars don't make Charlie ugly. I don't think Charlie has to love them, which is sometimes an approach that I see. But here there's no pressure to love and accept them. But they're there and that is fine too.

It's also cool to see how Charlie in turn uses what he's learnt for himself to help Tara.

Also, this is the episode where I got reminded that they upped the rating. Not because of the sex talk, but also because of all the alcohol and the return of the word "fuck".

Lastly, there is the interview storyline. That was rough. I had a hunch that it was going to go this way. I'm not sure if I am the person to judge whether it was good, but I think it is good to show awareness towards transphobic media. And if anything, I hope it helps people to see how incredibly supportive Elle's parents are.

7. Together

It's the horny episode. Ngl, as an sex-repulsed aroace... I don't have a lot to say. They have sex. Okay. Sure.

Tara and Nick's friendship deepens, though, and I really like that. I think Tara is also a fitting replacement for Sarah in the car scene, since it was less focused on comedy and more on the actual conversation about sexuality. I'm also glad we got to see Tara dance and Darcy be supportive. Their gender identity has mostly been a background thing, so I am glad they got at least this scene where they could talk a bit more about their journey. Tara and Darcy grew a lot when it came to communication and co-dependence.

That is also a thing for Nick and Charlie. Nick's storyline is now all about being his own person. I remember Alice being excited to delve into it when the comics were happening, because yes, of course Charlie's stuff impacts him deeply, but how is Nick?

And lastly, there was the big fight with Jane and Charlie. Jane's past is less in depth. In the comic, it's revealed she was hit by her mother and it's implied it happened regularly. I suppose this season already had too much heavy stuff and a storyline like that deserves more respect and attention, but its exclusion did surprise me a little.

Other little things: Sahar is still at Higgs. I didn't remember that, but it's true that Sahar didn't mention her transfer at the beach, like in the comic. Then there's the scene with little Farouk. I was afraid they had cut it, since in the comic, Farouk is the one who tells Charlie to apply, not Ayaji. But luckily it was still there, and now Ayaji was there to support him. Tao is also a great boyfriend and I have forgiven him of his season 1 crimes. Nick telling David to fuck off was great.

8. Apart

Sarah exists! Hooray!

Anyway, this is the big finale, which includes the uni tour ft. Imogen. I was a bit surprised about it, since the uni tour is such a big thing in the comics and I didn't expect them to manage to push it in one episode. It worked.

I'm glad Imogen got her moment to express her feelings. Again, the whole Imogen and Sahar thing was pushed to the back and slighly rushed. Maybe it will be expanded in season 4.

Also, lil nitpick, but the bandmembers of Queer Intentions do not look like their comic counterparts oops. I wish we had at least gotten their names.

I'm also glad that Charlie realising he needs more people. Again, the co-dependence got a big role and I'm glad both Nick and Charlie (and Tara and Darcy) work on it.

Then there's the big Tori ferris wheel scene. It did not go as planned. I am not gonna lie, it took me by big surprise that Tori didn't come out as asexual, but that being said, I do think it is the better choice to flesh it out in a later season. Since Solitaire didn't happen, the entire storyline of Tori and Michael needs to be reconfigured within the show's canon. I get why people were disappointed, but the scene would only make sense to comic readers and Solitaire readers. To viewers, it would come too out of nowhere and someone mentioned that it might come off as a "tick boxes for diversity" moment. Look, I know Tori is Alice's firstborn and no way in hell would Alice allow Tori to be that, but I have also been an avid Osemanverse fan since 2017. Not only that, but the show being different from the books/comics allows for an alternative Sprolden thing. I know Alice has expressed before that she sometimes regrets turing them in a romantic relationship. She doesn't hate it and has grown to like Sprolden, but back when it was being written it felt like it had to end this way, cause comphet.

I am not saying that they will not date in the series, I am just saying it is possible. There was also Isaac's Look(TM), which excites me a lot for this possible story. I cannot wait for Isaac and Tori to work this out together, and also to possibly go deeper into Michael's pansexuality. And yeah, maybe they won't date and it'll be more of a QPR situation. THIS IS HOW MISTER CAN STILL WIN IN 2024 #MISTER #MICHAELANDLISTER4EVA!!

One small thing: Tao being chill with long distance felt kind of... out of character? I assume Tao is just hiding his stress and disappointment about it.

And yeah, then Nick and Charlie had sex and they felt comfortable. Hoorah. I think it is a good way to end the series. In the comics, they talk about the uni tour afterwards, but this felt fitting for an ending. They can move the Leeds and long distance thing to the next season.

That's a wrap, folks.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

how does one know if they're ace or aro?

Hi Lovely!!

Ahhhhh, well, sadly this is a different experience for every individual, and I can only speak for myself. I am not Aro, so I can’t give you that personal anecdote, but I am ace.

You see, I grew up in a very conservative city, and went to catholic school, so you just... don’t think of anything other than boy and girl. Except I didn’t think of ANY of that at all. I thought maybe I was just a late bloomer. I got to college and still... nothing. Just what the HELL is wrong with me?

For me, growing up, I just... never understood why everyone was so obsessed with sex, and why making out never “turned me on”. I genuinely thought I was broken, that there was something wrong with me. I like being cuddled and hugged and just having emotional intimacy, but the second someone wanted to go beyond that, I was like “NOPE”, called a prude and a bitch, and that was that. I wanted all the aspects of a relationship but not interested at all in ever having the sex part of it.

But I never brought it up to my doctors, and I’ve never been in a serious relationship because “Hey, I’m broken, no one will want me anyway”, so I focussed on my career instead. I’ve essentially shied away from relationships because I didn’t want to explain to someone that “I’m broken, I only want cuddles, and it has to move at a snail’s pace”. So yeah.

This was all made worse by a mother who constantly told me “what’s wrong with you, why haven’t you given me grandchildren, HAH AHAHAHHA the movie “40 Year Old Virgin” is about you isn’t that hilarious??” 

No, mother, it wasn’t. 

What clued me into possibly being ace was actually really funny. It was when I got into the Sherlock fandom and people discussed Sherlock’s sexuality, and I believe it was Brönte who mentioned something about asexual Sherlock, since she was a literature major. "Asexual” is one of those terms I’ve heard, but didn’t really know anything about outside of what it meant.

This is where my almost-4-year sexuality crisis began. It has its issues, but I started my journey by reading up everything on Asexuality.org. EVERYTHING including the forums. Then I watched asexual TED talks (there’s one by the founder of Asexuality.org and another by a young person (sorry I can’t remember their pronouns) that are really good and informative) and YouTubers like Amelia Ace and Slice of Ace (Anthony Padilla actually has an interesting “I spent a day with” video with aces that I recommend, and youtuber Ash Hardell came out with a VERY good series I watched when I was learning about myself). Suddenly everything clicked. It was LITERALLY an “Oh.” moment. Then I learned about the split attraction model, which aces use to help clarify where they are on the spectrum, and about 2 years in, I suddenly realized that “Hmm.  I’ve always said I want to be with ‘some ONE’ not some man” so I had another long think, did more research, and thought yeah, you know what? I don’t care about the gender presentation of who I end up with, as long as we’re happy and we enjoy each other’s lives.” So yeah that was a bit of a surprise to me. 

Then I met other asexuals at 221B con.That was what sealed it for me: their advice and help and just genuine kindness and understanding of how I feel. I’ve NEVER had anyone say “yeah, I feel that way too!”, rather than “I just don’t understand how you can’t want sex. Everyone wants sex!”.

So now, I’m 2 years “out” to my online friends, I’m glad I’m not broken anymore, but let me tell you, it’s a fucking scary thing to go through at 34. 

I still am not publicly out, but I don’t make it a secret that I go to Pride week and I support LGBT causes. And I never leave home anyway, and will probably be alone the rest of my life, but I feel at peace with myself, you know? Just simply KNOWING that I’m NOT broken is a fucking weight off my shoulders.

I know the running joke in the fandom is that “Sherlock Fandom Made Me Gay”, but honestly, there is a grain of truth in it. A lot of us just... don’t KNOW until we’re around other queer people. Which I wasn’t ever UNTIL I came here AND moved to a very liberal city. Everyone was very understanding and helpful, and in turn and in thanks, I was able to also help other lovelies who, like me, didn’t know and were scared.

So yeah, Lovely, for me it was a sense of “something’s different, but I’m not sure what”. And then a lot of research. I knew I wasn’t aromantic because I do desire and crave romance probably in the same way allosexual people crave sex... I wouldn’t know, I’ve never craved it, LOL. 

Personally, I encourage everyone to just have a period of their lives where they learn about different sexualities and different types of romance. You always hear these stories about someone not knowing they were homoromantic until they had a roommate they fell in love with. One of my best friends found out he was trans in his mid-thirties... He just thought he was a tomboy who just... felt different. 

It’s a different experience for everyone, Rory, and one that only you can discover on your own. Read up information, watch YouTubers, go down the wikipedia rabbit hole, and talk to other people in the various communities. 

But let me tell you, Rory, remember this term: Split Attraction Model. Discovering this term helped me a lot on my ace journey. Remember Asexuality and Aromanticism are both very VERY wide spectrums and very VERY different things, and it’s going to take awhile to figure out where you belong. But once you do, I think you’ll be at peace. And it’s OKAY to not “settle” on a label. Please know that. Sexuality is fluid.

Good luck Lovely, and don’t hesitate to ask if you have any other questions. <3

[tigerlilynoh]

I posted Intimacy, my first fic in a while (for @acespnminibang). I have a few things I wanted to say about it, in addition to the typical author’s notes.

- If you’ve read much of my stuff, you’ll know that I enjoy writing stories that involve journeys of self-discovery. Probably my favorite thing to write is characters exploring issues of personal acceptance and self-worth. I love trying to take relatable human struggles, place them within a fantastic context, and ideally give recognition and/or a happy ending. So working on a fic featuring an asexual romance was a delightful challenge.

- I really enjoyed exploring this iteration of Sam/Ruby. I’ve seen a fair number of fics conveying Ruby as little more than an aggressively sexual entity and manipulator (admittedly not inconsistent with canon), so it was an extra treat for me to work against that archetype. I really do feel that despite Ruby’s more indulgent/hedonistic impulses, as an intelligent person, who’s identity is not bound to a single body, she might actually be sympathetic to the more nuanced aspects of things like gender and sexual orientation.

- Going into this fic, it was incredibly important to me to highlight the intimacy and sensuality that can be conveyed through nonsexual acts. I didn’t want to have the story read like a Gen with only a brief mention of Sam’s identity. There’s a spectrum of asexuality and a spectrum of interpersonal connection. Throughout writing this, I repeatedly asked myself what does intimacy mean, divorced from sex. I wanted to lean into the importance and pleasure of a single touch, especially within the context of someone having their first honest relationship. So maybe tonally it’s not what some people were expecting, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- Lastly, I feel like I’d be amiss if I didn’t mention my previous explicitly asexual character. I have a primary ace-aro character in Job & Family (if you’ve read it you know who I’m talking about, but I won’t mention his name in order to avoid spoilers). He is based on two people that I know (one grey-ace romantic, the other ace-aro). While I absolutely love this character and wouldn’t change a thing about him, I have always felt a bit self-conscious about this openly ace-aro guy being a character that manifests some traits on the autism spectrum. I’ve never wanted him to fall into or perpetuate a stereotype, or imply that his asexuality-aromanticism is a trait of him being on the spectrum. He’s just based on people that I know, and that’s how the dice rolled for them. So having the opportunity to write another ace character, building out the rogues gallery, makes me feel better because now the first character isn’t carrying the sole burden of representation and all the inferences that that carries.