#hawke is an adorable dork with a heart of gold and no one will take this from me

[gayhawkelatehomicide]

Names

Honestly I... Don't know what this is. It possessed me and now it's here. Uhh I know that headcanoning Anders a name other than yanno, Anders, isn't everybody's cup of tea, so fair warning? It's not like I plan to have anybody call him that, I just wanted to think about what this conversation might look like and the name bit me. So here, have a handers that I wrote in like 20 minutes on my phone.

***

Word Count: 1339

Rating: G

Additional Tags: Hawke is an adorable dork with a heart of gold and no one will take this from me, cat bf and dog bf are the best kind of relationship, genuinely could not tell you where this came from, names and naming, the importance of calling a thing by the correct name so as to be able to recognize and understand it, boyfriends being soft about stuff that hurt a long time ago

***

Hawke walks in already complaining. Anders smiles and puts down his quill to stretch his aching hand, feeling a twinge of annoyance in the back of his head at being interrupted. He recognizes it for what it is—not entirely his own reaction, but not entirely that of his passenger—and ignores it. He was going to go to bed soon anyway. By the time Anders gets turned all the way around, Hawke has leaned his staff in the corner and is peeling out of the top layer of his robes.

"You know nobody in this entire city but you calls me by my given name? Seriously, think about it! With most of the citizenry, especially the ones in Hightown, it's 'Champion' all day long. 'Oh Champion, my brother's caravan is late' and 'Champion please, you have to help my mother,' and 'Dear Champion, my cat went up that tree and can't get down. Again.' It's as though they've all forgotten I have a name instead of just a title." He unties the fastenings on the leather cuirass he wears between his outer robe and the sweat-stained under-layer. The poor clasps creak protest at Hawke's enthusiasm.

"And I know at least some of them know it! Fifi de Launcet used to simper at me when we first bought the house and Mother was trying to get me married off respectably. Sure, a few of them probably think it's a compliment or some nonsense, but you'd think at least Lady Elegant would call me Garrett every now and then. If not in the course of business, then maybe when I'm poking around her stall doing something irritating."

He bends at the waist to unlace his boots, presenting Anders with a lovely view of his ass as he struggles with laces that he obviously tied while they were still wet. Hawke has been through four sets of laces for those boots in the past few months because he's too impatient to let them dry before jamming his feet in them and running off to do whatever it is he does when he's out of Anders's direct line of sight.

"Most of our friends don't use my given name either, did you notice? Varric calls me Hawke like it's a title more than Champion, which is *fine*," he manages to get one boot off, mostly by sheer brute strength. The sock comes with it. "Even Aveline doesn't three-name me when I'm misbehaving, just says," and here he drops into a worryingly accurate imitation of Aveline. "Hawke, if I catch you trying to breathe fire in the Lowtown market one more time, I swear-!"

The other boot comes loose with enough force to nearly knock Hawke off his feet. He catches himself with all the grace and poise of a moderately sized druffalo, then grins triumphantly over his shoulder at Anders, holding up the boot. The look on his face is incredibly similar to the look his mabari wears when he drops dead vermin (or, on one memorable occasion, a mangled burglar) at his master's feet. Anders applauds politely.

Hawke kicks the boots into the corner by the fire and starts on his greaves and bracers, still talking. "Hell, even the villains and other assorted bastards whose teeth we kick in regularly call me 'dog lord' or 'mage' or something equally obvious. You'd think at least one of them would've done his research. Evets, maybe, of Evets' Marauders. You remember them, don't you love?"

Anders does. Distinctly. He remembers wrapping Isabela in shield after shield as her quick fingers teased apart rows of traps while Hawke traded bolts of fire and sneering retorts with the blood mage on the other side of the bluff, and Aveline kept her shield between the mages and that terrifying longbowman. He remembers the reek of burnt flesh and armor and the despair in the eyes of the guardsmen, and the way they'd rallied around their captain and Hawke. He remembers the way more of them died, pinned with arrows or rent apart to fuel the blood mage's spells. Anders makes a noncommittal noise, which Hawke takes as an agreement.

"You'd think maybe that guy would've learned my name, right? I mean, he spent what, three years tracking me down? Some kind of criminal he was, I've been in the same place the whole time, but it's not like I care." Hawke sets the last pieces of his armor in a pile on the desk and flings himself diagonally across the bed. His curly black hair fans out around his head—it's getting deliciously long now—and he throws an arm over his eyes. The other one continues gesturing emphatically.

"Shit, even Carver just calls me 'brother' most of the time. The last letter he wrote home barely sounded like he was talking to me at all, just a quick update and one of his sullen little 'try not to get yourself killed too stupidly' things at the end. What is this resistance to using my given name, huh? It doesn't make any sense. I have a good name, I think. Mother made plenty of mistakes, but that wasn't one of them. Why does Kirkwall hate my name?"

Anders is gripped by a strange impulse. Later, he'll pick it apart looking for Justice's influence, but in the moment all he's thinking about is Hawke's running complaint and how the names a person wears can come to define them.

"Valery," he blurts before he can stop himself, then clenches his mouth and eyes shut.

Hawke makes an inquiring noise from the bed. The sound of sheets shifting, presumably as he sits up. "What was that, love?"

Anders grapples with a long-kept promise to himself for a long moment before giving up and sighing. He's said it already. Too late to take it back now. He might as well explain. Besides, Hawke already knows every terrible thing about him. What's a name, compared to that?

"Valery," he repeats. "It's the name my mother gave me. She was from the Anderfels; wanted to name me after her brother. My father didn't like it much, but he always let her have her way. Well, almost always."

The old bitterness threatens to swamp him, so Anders forces a smile onto his face and looks up at Hawke, still on the bed, looking stricken. "I've no clue why the templars didn't make a note of it, but when they took me to the circle they claimed they didn't know my name, just that I was half-Ander. I've been Anders ever since."

Hawke is out of bed and across the room in the space of a few heartbeats. He kneels on the floor at Anders's feet. Takes his hands in his own. "Oh, love. I'm sorry. I didn't think... Do you want-?"

"No, it's fine," Anders shakes his head. "It hasn't been my name for a long time." He squeezes Hawke's fingers, feeling the callouses and old breaks that didn't set right, the faint tremors that tell of using too much force magic without a focus. The way this city weighs on him day after day, expectations pressing, thousands of lives depending on his actions, is always evident in his hands. He always claims they don't bother him, but Anders sees the way he grasps his cup more gingerly on cold mornings than he did years ago, and he knows how quickly a hand massage turns Hawke into a puddle of warm goo. Anders squeezes Hawke's hands, feeling his smile warm into something genuine.

"Valery." He says it so carefully, the same way he's treated every fragile broken-glass part of Anders since the moment they met. The old name sounds so beautiful in his voice, and with his big dark eyes turned up like a sinner in prayer, he looks like a penitent angel. "It's a beautiful name, love. Thank you for trusting me with it."

Anders really can't be blamed for knocking them both to the floor in his rush to kiss Hawke as thoroughly as physically possible.

[charleecat-bat]

Fandom Meme

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

Uuuh, well, lemme think, for fantoms that aren’t sonic stuff, I enjoy Retsuko and Haida because adorable. Angus and Gregg from NITW is too adorable for it’s own good. 

Sonic wise, well, I’m not strong on my ships but they’re are some I do think about or do think are matching, I think Shade and Knuckles are a good match, I enjoy Espio and Tikal, especially in my canon. 

I do love Locke and Luger a lot though, since I can see them working in my canon, but other then that, I’m not huge on ships so eh. 

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

Locke and Luger, mainly because they were related but then with some fanart and talking with friends of mine, especially @terraqua111, I started to like it and my friends had a point that they were too distantly related for it to matter anymore. She also showed me Lien-Da and Xenin which I liked. 

I also didn’t consider Locke to be paired with anyone else before Luger, then I saw @lockewat‘s ship, Chuck and Locke... and I thought it was quite suiting as well. 

Two other ones are Vanilla and Big because that was so adorable and that would be such a peaceful relationship good god it’s what they’d both need, so many picnics for dates. and @motobugg did some work on Rouge and Wave which I have never considered and I immediately thought... damn that would actually work a lot. XD Also Shadamy at some points due to a friends artwork and Shadow would be balanced from Amy’s personality that he would need.

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will. I’ve never been big on Julie-Su and Knuckles, in the comics it felt kind of forced to me, same with Sonic and Sally, that I don’t see them suiting each other at all. 

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

Ummm, I don’t know, I can’t think of one. 

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh, I don’t know. 

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

Sonic fandom. XDD Been in that for around 8-9 years. Since I was 9 or 10 years old. 

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

I think it would’ve just been Shade and Knuckles. lol Again ships aren’t my life. 

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

Mainly ongoing stuff, I know it started with games, so I guess games? But I enjoy shows/series as well. 

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

Ummmm... not that I know of. 

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)

Animal Crossing? I didn’t start playing the phone game until I saw people talking and reblogging stuff about it, then I tried it. 

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Well, in Steven Universe, a lot of the character have great arcs, that who their true opinions and colours, like how Amethyst had self-hating habits, Pearl didn’t think she was worth much, and seeing Peridot’s growing into a whole different gem, it’s really cool.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

I’ll go with um... Lars from Steven Universe, I didn’t like him much as a character at first, but I could understand his insecurity and being unsure on how to act and how to show himself, and being scared to show his true colours... but now he’s showing his own worth and letting himself be who he is with the Off-colours, which I can genuinely appreciate about him, he’s much better as a character now. 

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

Can I say the entire brotherhood? XD I would love that like you wouldn’t believe. 

N - Name three things you wish you saw more of in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

Just more Brotherhood content in general, uuuummm more monster-related AU’s? I don’t know, maybe more merchandise too? I don’t know I’m not all that demanding about content. o-o I’m terrible at this. 

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

All the Way (Jacksepticeye fan song) is the one that came up on shuffle, and it reminded me of Hawking, at least my version. I could imagine he would listen to this to motivate himself or something like that. 

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

...Trying not to say Monster AU for any sort of fandom CRAP TOO LATE-

But what about a Shape of Water-esque AU? 

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

I haven’t really abandoned any fandom? o-O R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

When they’re not a couple and they’re just best friends, Locke and Luger I guess, they act like big dorks. I don't know, I don’t think about relationships much besides family ones. 

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

Hmm, well, I feel while Locke doesn’t know what his main sexuality is right now, he’d feel he’d be in writing (sexuality)/Asexual, as he never really had sexual feelings, he only had sex in order to have his son, and he honestly never liked it all that much. 

I also have a head canon that Steppenwolf is afraid of humiliation, or just making a fool of himself in social situations (he’s got a very well hidden social anxiety), so if he saw a bunch of people staring at him and whispering to each other, he’d instantly become worried about what he did. 

Another head canon is that I love to imagine Sabre can swordfight very well, and the person who taught him is surprisingly Tobor. As he was very good with a sword and shield combo back in the day (before his injuries). 

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

That Steppenwolf is a werewolf okay not really, I’m not really about strong head canons that I would ‘die defending’. I just like the thought of him being one because it’d be ironic for his name... and it’s just with me for so long man. 

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Steppenwolf (Sonic Fandom I guess)- I still don't fully understand why I liked him, I simply did but nowadays I just find the character I made him an extremely interesting character and every time I’ve wrote something or drawn something to try and cheer myself up, it made me feel he’d be a very strong, protective and oddly supportive in his own way. I’m not sure. I’m weird. 

Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe Fandom)- I just want her to be happy, I find her really interesting, her powers are really cool and I just want to know how things turn out for her, it just sucks that she tends to disappear for long periods of time. 

Angus (Night in the Woods)-He’s a bit underrated but he’s just so cute to me, especially with how others draw him, I love his character and I feel bad for him when he takes about his abusive childhood and issues growing up that made him who he is today, made me want to give him a big hug. 

V - Which character do you relate to most?

Well, I feel I can relate to Angus at a few points, always feeling like I have to be the responsible one, being usually quiet and wanting to hide in corners in parties (and your friend that you stick to is your corner in those situations), 

I also feel I can relate to Retsuko from Aggretsuko, always trying to keep calm and from losing my temper, also Mister Ton kind of reminds me of my dad at some points... and he can piss me off just as much as he does with Retsuko so yeah. 

Part of me also feels like I relate to my version of Rembrandt, he’s an artist, he deals with a lot of emotional issues, he’s insecure about his body size/weight, very motherly/fatherly and protective. 

I dunno. 

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

Annoying characters that think they’re full of themselves and practically perfect while thinking everyone else is below them and everyone is unworthy of their ‘greatness’... or mary-sues. 

Or just a needlessly dramatic moments or moments of anger and arguments that don’t need to happen. 

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

Kind of the big strong protective one with a heart of gold and is very loving whether they show it or not, or big ass ones who are strong as hell but are really just gentle giants.

And probably monsters stuff like werewolves or stuff but sometimes that can backfire and become annoying. 

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

Team Fortress 2 is one, have a few friends who like that game while I don’t like it much anymore for personal reasons, some horror fandoms like Five Nights at Freddy’s, Little Nightmares all of that. Idk

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

Umm... I always strive to make my Guardians unique in different situations, hell, I imagined they were in certain AU’s or in certain video game situations, like a fighting game, I’d like imagining like ‘finishing moves’ they’d have or the type of weapons they’d have, or even simple stuff like hobbies or favourite foods. Just stuff like that... and I will try everything in my power to be unique, like in my Gem AU, wanted all the gems to be different and at the least unique, and the same with the Monster AU, only Thunder and Steppe’s are the same but they have a difference. 

Okay that’s enough. ^^; This was really difficult surprisingly.