#hawk is so fucking pretty send TWEET

[sparklingpax]

ummm like so illegal of that remaster to have somehow made Hawk EVEN PRETTIER THAN HE ALREADY IS???? HELLO 😭‼️‼️❤️💗💓 (tbh everything looked beautiful too btw 🌟)

anyway so!! enjoy some of the...Many screenshots I got. bc im so normal about him as we all know.......and took screenshots everytime he was onscreen. 🫶

[chasedeys]

i saw @cazluvsu make one and i decided to do one!!! and yap about it too lmao

i fear they are. my life now. truly how.

bengals. how can i even begin to explain them. joemarr. but outside of the joemarr of it all. all these fucking men outside of these two who have somehow managed to just. their entire fucking roster. tee fucking higgins. trey. their 23 rookies room. the new rookies. and their insane fucking lack of pr training. their vets. the idea that i have to let go of mike hilton. and joseph ossai. and bj hill. and everyone else. the hell is that. never in my life did i think i'd care for shit like this. anyways may i direct you to my pinned and my live blogging to see what i mean or smth idk. this entire blog is my thesis for my love for them.

oh my heart.............

vikings. aaaaaaaaaaa. yes it was because of beloved pretty perfect pr princess justin jefferson. but then....koc. i didnt even fucking KNOW coaches moved this way 😭. the way i want to. write them fucking. but also. holding hands and living in a bayou together. and sams shit. and like. i watched their social media stuff. and sure i never really got into their roster the way i got into like. the bengals and i don't think i ever will but like. jesus. they're so fucking charming truly every tiktok featuring josh's tiny ass mic is a treat because like. that segment on what's the weirdest shit in your locker and its truly weird like my coach is hotter than your coach mug and the hawk statue and the naruto (?) backpack instead of fucking months old cornbread rotting in the back. thats some good shit. also i think their locker room is the best LMAOOO actual healthy lighting that doesn't sting the eyes and they have like a little fireplace??? its so cute they sometimes plop down there and do their mini mic interviews there aww. also cams cellyssss that have gone viral as hell. cuteeee.

lions. i get that like it's like so weird to deeply adore teams from the same division but please look away 😭 god i blame casey for this they're soooo <33333 jah and montyyyy they're so cute hello. hello how can i not adore them 😭 jamooo and amon ra who speaks like 10 billion languages no that's an exaggeration sorry but like. my thing for wrs and also he's suchhh a bitch and when people get so fucking annoyed about it i get 😭😭 and also enamored by jared goffs like. 0 aura and miniscule charm lmao. that interview clip of him getting bracketed by jah and monty lmao and TERRIONNNNN fuck. i knew NOTHING about him BUT??? he's so???? that rookie dumbassery charm 😭😭😭😭 thank you casey for putting me on the lions and sending me that clip of him falling down the fucking stairs and taking a MOMENT to contemplate his life on the bottom steps lmfao oh my god......and dj reader augughguhg i miss you.....come back but like.....i don't suppose you will......

ravens. again....division rivals aside.......lamar jackson........derrick henry.........ive written my thoughts on them lmaoooo oh but i need to learn more of their roster </3 don't fw their defense i can't lie LMAOOO but like. kyles a cutieee auguhguhg and marlons tweets on his cat being a MAN have been truly hilarious. looking very much in anger when facing the bengals though 😀 the multifacetedness of like. sports watching and rpf. which. is multifacetedness a word which word is the correct word sorry idk but basically. oh my heart is correct for this tiers title 😭. its so fucking funny im sorry they're all in the same afc nfc north division what the hell am i on about. i think this could be like. the tier below too? but like. i know exactly how i know them and how they've bewitched me 😭 thinking again the lines between this tier and below. are blurred. but anywAYSSSS.

not but how. do i know them. how have they bewitched me.

cowboys, panthers, texans. right so the reason they're not the tier below is because i ship a whole lot of them. cowboys jesusssss micah/tre oh my god. ceedak. well i know only these 4 clearly but like. they're soooo. i read a micah/tre fic of just. insanity. am patiently waiting for a chapter 2 truly adore micah and trevon (WHO'S SO FUCKING PRETTY BTW.....so pretty........so confused on how people say he's not as pretty as stef. diff type of pretty but PRETTY NONETHELESSS how. the fuck. am i not looking at the same person or. 😭😭) <3 and ceedak! though i don't fw their fics in ao3 mostly because its doused in infidelity and i am just. not that. i do fw them soooo well goddd just did a whole spiel with casey abt them and joemarr bc of the pfw aus tennis open thing that was fun <3 and panthers bryceeee i adore himmm bryce/cj bryce/andy insanity and like. xavier who's soooo fucking charming and the rest of their roster who im still learning. that you leave that baby alone clip 😭 cute as hellll dare i say their oline would burn the earth down for him etc etc. and texans!!! cj babyyyy and stef.....truly his insane lore. to this day still being written holy shit he just can't help himself can he 😭 will he be at the weddi- ANYWAYS. tank and joe mix. derek stingley jr lsu bb whose one single comment on ja'marr's ig that one time endeared himself so firmly to me too etc etc. begging for a probowl interaction bless. so anyways. tier of their own <3

👉👈 1-2 have enamored me i fear

giants, commanders, jaguars. grouping these three together yeah you guessed it because of the 2023 lsu trio soulmatism lmaoooo. truly the only reason they're in this tier sorry 😭 god jayden/malik are so. and btj who's the only one ja'marr hasn't followed back apparently 😭 what is in the waters in louisianaaaa but anyways isn't it so fucking cute how malik and btj came to jaydens first playoffs game like....are u fucking serious......nevermind how maliks literally divisional rivals 😭 SOOOO compelling how they're drafted in the same division btw LMAOOOO playing each other twice.....Nice.....the Narratives of like. the giants possibly drafting A Very Nice Very Good Very Handsome Very Insane QB that might replace the shit out of jayden is like. hm. hhmhmhmm. i have. Thoughts (didn't shedeur throw with malik in the middle of the street at night lmao). BUT ANYWAYS. moving on. ALSO. like. there's that clip of jayden bullshitting on how he's faster than malik and btj and the two scoffingggg 😭 REMINDS ME OF HOW joemarr shits on each others speed sm does he shit on justins too im sure he does god that's cuteee what is WITH qbs and their wrs and shitting on each others speed ANYWAYS AUGHGHG SORRY-

browns, steelers. divisional rivals which is mostly why im so taken with them i can't lie lmaoooo. like. something so prideful about being from the afc north idk. and like. saying shit like 'thats afc north football babyyy'. snow game like i even understand what snow feels like lmaooo. the fighting dirty aspect that pisses me off and honestly delights me at times except how it doesn't bc like where the fuck is our (bengals) defense. where the fuck is it. anyways opoy being 2 from the bengals 2 from the ravens?? amazing. dpoy having one from bengals, browns, and steelers. mvp from bengals and ravens. like that's so. the fact that no one from this fucking division has one division champ for three straight years (and browns has won. none. which. well.) which is fucking. ridiculous. i am so fucking done with this division goddddd. but like. so heavily enamored truly <3 also i adoreeee grant delpit 😭 because of lsu. and that ja'marr and him started commenting on each other's ig again after the game that's like. so cute. to me. G mf $.....yeahyeah thats hard........cute as hell how old are you two...........let me keep you.............and also najee harris <3 top three beautiful nfl men (with ceedee and fred, excluding my bias of joemarr 😔)

chargers. blame their social media presence truly UNMATCHED. daiyan henley........hand in marriage. right the fuck now. no really. their kicker is cute as hell, justin herberts refusal to like. appear in camera is charming to me i can't lie, their team's chemistry is honestly so cute! wish i knew more to actually like. know more abt them lmao. but again. their tiktok videos. unmatched. if the bengals and the rest of the nfl PLEASE learn from them......

bills, eagles, niners, dolphins. casually-ish? beautiful men and rpf standpoint RIPE with it. stosh.....😭 keon coleman my beloved how are uuuuu lmaoo. aj brown ehehehehe i do think i ship him with jalen idk they're cute as hell the book thing is still so fucking hilarioussss HOW do they keep digging themselves a hole making people doubt their friendship is the thing 😭 jalen made a stupid joke how he's never once saw aj read and i do NOT think ANYONE LAUGHEDDDDD meanwhile aj (whos fucking gorgeousssss btw oh my god. oh my god...) showed a reporter his lovingly underlined and highlighted book and it got sold out im crying they are not real people akdkljkslf they KEEP putting themselves in these Situations also devonta smith who looks all but 12 oh my god and saquon <3 who's fucking gorgeoussss with his dangly earringggggggg aaaaaaaa love me a man with a dangly earring. also sydney lol i suppose he'll get a ring first (wink wink nudge nudge but aggresively FLY EAGLES FLYYYYY!!). and niners frock <3 fred warner beautiful gorgeous fred warner and brock purdys insane loreeeee. i also got enamored by deebo lmaooo he's so fucking 😭 girl learn whennn toooo shutttt the fuckkkk uppppp 😭 god that was. his shit was so. ANYWAYS. dolphins tuaaaa!! do you know that tiktok of like people reacting to him running and sliding after he returned from his concussion ir 😭 crying. another coachfucker btw.....hilariousss to be typing this abt tua bc in my head he's wayyyy softer abt it than jjkoc 😭 mike augugughhh he's also like. very endearing. and speaks in a very 'girl are u high' manner. the way he reacted to news of people dressing up as him was hilarioussss.

idrk them tbh

broncos, seahawks, packers, titans, jets, rams, bucs, bears, raiders, cardinals, falcons, saints, patriots, colts. i don't really know them 😭 like i do know several players on them and like am enamored by a lot of them! but like. that's it. no vesting interest. idk. bo nix, ps2, dk, jaire alexander, jordan love, tb and chido ofc i misssss them ugh, davante, sauce, garrett, puka, caleb and rome, maxx, kyle murray ig, jb3 whom i also misssss wow, oh clyde, etc etc etcccc. not much vesting interest? other than like. oh you're gorgeous oh you're talented oh hey i follow you oh hey ja'marr likes you (lmao) but then. well.

why is there hate in my heart.............

chiefs. ..............look. i swear. LOOK. GODDDDD. i swear. i did NOT hate them 😭 even that second game. i was like. holy shit. isiah pachecos fucking. gorgeous. damn. (see: my ja'marr/pacheco thoughts.....that i still think to this fucking day 😔) i didnt even think i could find it in me to be an actual sports fan that could hate a team BUT THEN. 0 to fucking 38. i don't even care if it was against third strings that shit is DIABOLICAL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 hate. hateee in my fucking heart. travis coming up in his fuckass podcast (i like jason btw 👉👈) how he'd play them in a walmart parking lot and that shit had me in tears they WOULD is the thing 😭 ja'marr would honest-to-god organize that shit himself 😭 god. godddd i can't even. but anyways. rpf standpoint......😔👍 compelling. and the recent game. ehEM. anyways...fuck the chiefs............

anyways. what brought this on. who even knowssssssss.

[hopelesshawks]

Official Accounts Part 17- The Patrol Redux

Summary: (y/n) was perfectly happy remaining anonymous, even if her best friends were all pro heroes and she worked under THE Hawks. Handling the technical aspects of hero work from the background suited her just fine, thank you very much. That goes out the window when suddenly her twitter blows up thanks Denki and the famed no. 2 hero is asking her to run his own official twitter as a result

If you don’t want to see Official Accounts content blacklist #hopelessoa

Warning: Very slight spoilers for the provisional licensing exam in the anime and spoiler for the manga

Masterlist

Hawks was well accustomed to the jovial persona he was expected to put on in front of pretty much everyone outside of the commission. After all, it was one he’d cultivated almost his whole life. Of course he had days throughout the years where it felt all too exhausting to play the joker, but hero work was exhausting. That was the nature of the business. But since he’d watch your heart shatter in real time, since he’d heard you crying on the other side of a bathroom door all while you texted him about his betrayal, the persona hadn’t just been exhausting but absolutely suffocating. Yet he couldn’t turn it off. It was almost more natural to be Hawks than it was to be Keigo now. Even when Mirko had pointed out how rough he looked, his instinct had been to sit up straighter and perk up his wings as if that would hide the bags under his eyes. Hawks never dropped the persona. But as he sat on the roof of a building by where he intended to meet Chargebolt he realized he would probably have to.

Mirko had given him a plan. A really good one at that. If it worked he’d have to thank her later. But there was no way it would if he wasn’t genuine and that meant meeting Denki Kaminari as Keigo Takami. If the conversation stayed between Chargebolt and Hawks he was screwed. Knowing it was necessary and actually doing it, however, were two different beasts entirely. He would have to ignore every instinct he had honed over the more than decade he’d been a ward of the HPSC.

It had taken all of Denki’s strength to leave the apartment. You had looked so sad bundled up in his comforter staring blankly at your laptop screen as you went back and forth between attempting to work from the safety of his home and Netflix. Eventually though he had managed to pull himself away from his heartbroken friend, no matter how much it pained him, to go join the very person who had shattered you so thoroughly. He had wanted to cancel his patrols with Hawks but after the gossip blog had tweeted out about a potential feud his agency had demanded he keep it in order to avoid a pr nightmare. Who knew being a hero came with so much politics.

He expected Hawks to swoop down from above once he arrived at their designated meeting spot. He did not expect Hawks to look as bad as he did. “You look like shit,” Denki says by way of greeting. Hawks let’s out a humorless chuckle, “you’re the second person to tell me that today. Let’s go.” Everything about the experience is odd. As the two begin to walk Denki notices the bags under his eyes, the heavy set to his shoulders. For the first time ever Hawks truly looks like a man who carries the weight of Japan on his shoulders. “I know I have no right to ask this but how is she doing?” Hawks asks. Denki wants to snap back something snarky but something tells him not to. “Not good,” he says instead, shoving his hands into the pockets of his costume. Hawks thinks for a long moment, debating whether to ask the next question that comes to mind. In the end he decides he’s got nothing left to lose. “What happened at the provisional licensing exam?” “Dude.” “Not investigating. I swear.”

It’s weird to see Hawks so serious. Even when Denki had been injured during their first patrol Hawks hadn’t stopped bantering even once. It’s what had made Denki want to continue patrolling with him in the first place. At the time he thought they were similar. Class clowns who knew how to pull it together when the going got tough. But now all traces of that joviality seemed gone, except for the few moments the two of them would pass by a civilian, then he’d watch it slide back on like a second skin. “I’ll tell you on one condition. You explain the whole funny guy act thing you’ve got going on right now. It’s creeping me out a little seeing you switch back and forth dude,” Denki says.

Hawks stops dead in his tracks. His jaw clenches because it’s fair, trading one personal fact for another, but it goes against everything the HPSC has taught him. On the other hand, if he refuses, Denki will assume he’s just investigating again and then his chances of winning you back would really be gone. Denki looks confused as Hawks agonizes. He didn’t think it was that deep a question. Expected something along the lines of why All Might used to smile as he saved people. “It was the commission’s idea. I was a quiet kid and quiet doesn’t play well for a top hero,” Hawks finally admits before resuming walking. Denki has to speed up a little to keep pace. It’s an odd answer but he recognizes it must’ve been a difficult one to give. And, well, a deal is a deal.

“Like I said, (y/n) only took the exam because I pressured her into it,” Denki starts. He expected Hawks to perk up at learning new information about you but the man only nods in acknowledgment that he’s listening. “I thought if she got her license it’d convince her to try to be a pro hero again and then she could switch over to the hero course and join my class. She absolutely crushed the first part of the exam too. Yknow we had to tag targets on each other with these balls they gave us. It felt like a game so it was fun for her because she just smoked people out of the water. You should’ve seen Bakugo’s face when he realized she passed before he did! But uh, not the point.... The, uh, the point is uhm second round didn’t go so hot. We were helping some of the fake civilians when Gang Orca broke into the arena to play a villain attacking during a rescue and it, uh, it hit a little too close to home. Reminded her too much of how her mom died. She ended up having a panic attack. That’s why she failed and that’s why she didn’t bother going to any of the supplemental classes afterwards.”

The weight on Hawks’ shoulders seems to grow. “God I really am the worst aren’t I?” he chuckles. “Yea you kinda are,” Denki agrees, “but you’re kinda making it hard for me to hate you. Looking all torn up over this like that. It’s depressing seeing the number two hero like this yknow.” “Hence the persona,” Hawks shrugs. It’s quiet today, although they both expected as much. At least it gave them the space to talk. “Why’d you do it Hawks?” Denki finally asks. “Because she was too good to be true.” “Funny. She said the same thing about you that day.” “I’m many things but I don’t know if good is one of them anymore.” “Because of what happened with (y/n)?” “No. Not just that.” “I think this is the most honest I’ve ever seen you.” “This is the most honest I’ve ever been.” “How’s it feel?” “Terrifying. Mirko says I have trust issues.” “Yea that lines up.” “I need to talk to (y/n).”

Denki is the one to stop in his tracks this time. “I swear to god Hawks if you’re just trying to jerk her around I-“ “No! No it’s not that. I-,” Hawks sighs, “I just want a chance to explain why I am the way I am. Why I was so suspicious in the first place. If she wants nothing to do with me after that then that will be the end of it. I’ll write her a glowing recommendation letter for whatever hero agency she’d rather work at instead and she’ll never hear from me again. I swear.” Denki gives Hawks a considering look. Part of him wants to deny Hawks. That’s what Bakugo would do. Tell him to fuck off and keep his stupid explanations to himself. But he thought about you, curled up in his comforter, and decided it really shouldn’t be his decision whether Hawks stayed in your life or not. And if you were going to decide, you deserved to do so knowing all the facts. “Fine. After we finish patrol you can come with me to my place and talk to her but I swear to god if you make her cry again or I detect any bullshit, I’ll fry you Hawks. Number two hero or not I’ll send a million volts straight through your face with my fist.” “Thank you.” It was sighed out like a prayer. For the first time since you’d seen his texts, Hawks felt hopeful.

Author’s Note: Denki and Mirko are good friends to (y/n) and Hawks :’) In my mind there’s no way the HPSC didn’t know about Touya so I assume they helped Endeavor cover it up and would do their absolute best to make sure word didn’t get out about him being a literal child abuser

Taglist [open]: @cathy8taffy @katzurras @grumpyfroggies @captaincyberqueen @itskindofafairything @420-uwu @someweirdshitman @oliviasslut

[caandlelit]

suddenly imagining this au where dabi gets his whole big fight with endeavor like he always wanted and there are cameras and other pro heroes on the way and he finally has a platform to ruin endeavor

and when he starts talking, jeering at endeavor

'father dearest'

while everyone watches silent and shocked, he just grins widely and insanely and shoots out jets of blue flames hotter than a terrified, white faced endeavor's own weakened orange sparks

and emboldened he screams out his story of how endeavor abused him and his mother and his little brother and it disgusts him it was never looked into that endeavors eldest was hospitalized and then disappeared without a trace at the tender age of sixteen

and people start joining in

people tweeting their own stories and lining up in front of the cameras to talk about either endeavor or other pro heroes they can testify against, suddenly courageous, cause if this moron can do it they can too, exposing false heroes who have no right to stand up there known to the public as protectors when they dont deserve it

and the heroes arrive and hawks, who knew this was going to happen because of course dabi was gonna do this

last night he'd kissed hawks' sweaty collarbone and whispered a love confession against his skin and hawks had guessed in that moment that he was about to pull some life threathening shit

he catches a tired (but still grinning fiercely) dabi before he drops of exhaustation and aizawa uses his quirk on endeavor and hawks sends his feathers to take him down and into holding with the help of other furious heroes with gritted teeth and tense shoulders, who just wanted to save people and they cant believe they trusted this bitter, toxic man

but like whatever all this happens and after it all dies down and endeavor is jailed for life along with all the other fake heroes, and sweet rei has her own home to live in with her ecstatic kids and they all hug her for a long time

dabi? somehow? becomes kinda like an icon to the kids of his generation

cause what they had needed was a figurehead, a representative who would stand up against the bullshit of the flawed hero society

not a broadshouldered leader like endeavor as hawks had thought when he brushed off the, to him, outrageous sounding idea of a figure like him to be the next all might

hawks could have shouldered the weight of the country easily, but dabi did it carelessly, thoughtlessly, cause it was the thing he'd needed to do. hes no all might but he's one of many people looked up to

suddenly hes a public figure like a hero except not and the entire country fondly refers to him as 'their chaotic good emo son' and he has twitter stans and he has accounts dedicated to updating on news about him which blows his fucking mind because he'd dismissed the dream of being a hero when he realized he wouldnt be able to have a platform to expose endeavor if he was a hero. it was far too complicated, the hero society

and hawks laughs for an hour about dabi's newfound fame then abruptly stops when he realizes #dabihawks is trending on twitter along with a grainy video of dabi collapsing and hawks skidding and kneeling behind him to catch him in his arms

dabi teases him about being his hero hawks.exe has stopped functioning

people want dabi to do an interview and talk about himself and what motivated him and so many other things but he hates pretty much every interviewer who exists only to ask condescending questions and start scandals

so hes like 'nah fuck that shit hawks has a youtube channel'

he does a qna livestream and answers twitter questions like a proper famous millennial

he films in what everyone recognizes as hawks' apartment and he ignores at least twenty questions specifically about that till he cracks and snaps, "yes this is hawks' apartment, yes im rooming with him, yes i pay the fucking rent now can y'all stOP"

deep questions coming in about what motivated him and if he thought about his family while in the league

"the one thing that kept me going from age sixteen to age twentyfour was the thought that i can make life better for my family, i can end their suffering,, and also this mans entire career-"

hawks loses it, giggling into his hand and dabi stares at him fondly from over the camera and the chat goes wild

someone asks what he thought when he met hawks and he laughs

"meeting hawks was like. a joke."

'hey!-'

"sorry babe, but seriously i didnt believe for a second that he wanted to join the league of villains, like look at this guy hes so heroic, he'll stick to the simplest way to save people, always. i didnt want to, but we got closer and i realized it wouldnt be so bad if i let someone in, and i definitely wouldnt mind if its this guy"

'aaaAHH wh- when did u get so smooth you dick'

dabi beams and does a peace sign and hawks makes a strangled noise and covers his face

then less deep questions

"dabi my man congrats on fucking the hot? piece of ? ass that is h-hAWKS- what the FUCK"

*crashing sound as hawks falls over cackling breathlessly*

"hawks did you send this in yourself??? wh- get up and stop laughing u asshole!!"

imagine dabi and hawks as the countrys poster children, adored by literally everyone, and their starcrossed romance is something movies are made about

ok alright maybe perhaps thats too much but whatever i love these morons

[greensconnor]

i’m asking about your dragon age characters

molly i would KILL for u im ur personal hitman now

anyway i said my city now because the entire bioware writing team sucks shit xoxo and i’m so much smarter than all of them but also fully incapable of having a normal amount of ocs for anything (see: the time i made 20 rwby ocs in less than two weeks) so i have. five worldstates here r some assorted thoughts

uhhh so the worldstates r as follows

eira mahariel (two-handed berserk/champ spec), rhett hawke (two-handed berserk spec), alas lavellan (mage knight enchanter spec), romanced alistair/fenris/dorian respectively

shiv tabris (dual wield duelist/assassin spec), radella “rads” hawke (mage spirit healer spec), kat adaar (two-handed reaver spec), romanced morrigan/isabela/cassandra respectively because im a pc gamer and i think i should be able to date whatever video game woman i like because im infinitely better than cishet men

this world state said yeah i respect mens rights. mens rights to shut the fuck up

twins bronson (sword/shield reaver spec) & bryant cousland (archer ranger spec), carmine hawke (archer assassin spec), syracuse trevelyan (dual wield tempest spec), romanced zevran/anora/josephine/bull. if ur wondering how that works my city now and the warden, hawke and the inquisitor should all meet and so they do because i Said So

riva amell (mage arcane warrior/battlemage spec), graham “gray” hawke (mage force spec), hellathen “hela” lavellan (archer assassin spec); romanced cullen/anders and later blackwall because hawke only likes men who will break his heart. hela doesn’t have a romance because she’s literally 20. who let her lead the inquisition (me it was me). also it should be noted the version of cullen i have in my head only vaguely resembles actual cullen because i write better than dragon age writers ever could and i gave him an Actual Cohesive Narrative and he gets bullied relentlessly for being scrawnier than his mage boyfriend

malien “mal” surana (mage spirit healer/keeper spec), jules hawke (sword/shield reaver spec), ash adaar (mage rift spec), romanced leliana/merrill/krem because i should have been able to kiss krem and its a Crime that i am not allowed to

knight enchanter is a Very op specialization and by Very op i mean it makes a mage with their built-in low constitution stats able to solo the biggest baddest dragon in the game on nightmare mode in under five minutes so like. alas lavellan fist fights dragons for fun send tweet

i think lavellans should be able to hit ppl with bricks for all the shit they endure. thus solas gets pranked by mahariel and alas by which i mean they just tip buckets of water onto him from the rookery

kat might be my only competent inquisitor but she did also try to knock out the right hand of the divine and attempt to gap even tho there’s fucky magic burning up her hand so does she have a brain cell? you decide

also its fantasy land and i do what i want so kat has blue/gold sectoral heterochromia

gray “mage rights” hawke is best friends with fenris which surprises literally everyone. their friendship started because they got into a fist fight and then they were like okay i respect u now. hawke is like hey fenris give me ur sword i have a fun trick to show u [uses his sword as a foci to zap carver in the ass with lightning]

i am Always thinking abt like how cullen could have been one man anti-chantry propaganda machine if he hadn’t so blatantly been shoehorned into every game past origins so anyway bioware forgot about a wholeass moon i can write what i like. [holds up cullen by the scruff of his stupid armor] not only are you bisexual you are also a bottom

i also Hate the whole uwu mage haters get fixed by romancing a mage

unlocked secret dialogue option where my inquisitors verbally cuss out dorian’s dad instead of whatever sympathetic narrative the writers were going for cuz its bullshit.

riva is a showoff and a Menace about being as good as he is because he unabashedly loves being a mage and hes like oooh look at me im sexy i dont need to use my hands to cast magic because i’m just that good ;)) and you know what. hes right.

gray, on the other hand, does Not want to be mage. he wants to be a druffalo farmer and retire in the hinterlands and be left the fuck alone. unfortunately he is gay and has one brain cell and terrible, terrible taste in men. ribbed relentlessly for this by riva (altho does he have room to talk hes been hung up on cullen since he was like 13)

shiv is trans n kieran is the result of doing the dark ritual with her wife and he looks a Lot like shiv (dark skin pointed ears, shock-white hair) and morrigan always just Assumed she dyed it or did something magic with it so seeing their kid come out like that was a WEIRD time for her

leliana almost Murdered by cassandra in worldstate 5 because the warden is Actually There The Whole Time, but its been 10 years, mal’s cut off all her hair and gotten full facial tattoos and she’s like “no one will know its me its fine” and she’s right. she gets away with it. only cullen like, Knows, because he knew her before the blight but he doesnt have a death wish n he like. will Not piss her off

shes dalish by birth n she was stolen from her clan by templars and thus is vehemently anti-circle and anti-chantry in general

uhhh the vallaslin (elf face tattoos) of my 4 dalish characters are:

eira = ghilan’nain (chose em cuz shes rlly interested in the navigation aspect of the goddess)

alas = falon’din (god of the dead n he picked them because he’s Also the god of fortune and alas is like tee hee fun but also he can and will kill u if u fuck with him so yk its fitting)

hela = june (god of the craft bc she likes to Make things but june is also the god who taught the elves 2 hunt and hela is. a hunter.)

mal = elgar’nan (allfather/god of vengeance bc. she is Vengeful. she is Angry. but yk fucking with shem politics and fucking their divine is like. mal may have little a retribution. as a treat.) yes she has the full half-face solid colour tattoo she does NOT fuck around.

bronson and bryant r not genetically identical but they Look similar enough 2 anyone who doesn’t know them well enough 2 play spot the distance. anora and bronson think this is a super fun game to play, especially when nobles realize they’ve swapped out the king but they’re too nervous to say anything

eira mahariel has two hands. one is for holding hands with alistair and the other is for throttling elven gods, apparently. she’s killed one before so solas she’s coming for your bitch ass next. watch urself.

speaking of eira and alistair are married thru dalish tradition and humans don’t recognize it n alistair loves 2 re-propose to her with random things. he’ll just pick up like. a bit of cheese and be like “marry me ;)” and she’s like GASP but whatever will the chantry say!!!! all of their friends r sick of them

“vhenan if you love me bring me a sword” “you think i could do better than a sword made out of space rock?” “:)”

eira is my youngest hero at 18 at the start of her game and kat is my oldest at 32 at the start of her game.

none of my hawkes are under six foot. rhett is the tallest (6′8″) and rads is the shortest (6′2″).

syracuse trevelyan would have been the Perfect inquisitor if he were not a pretty boy himbo and a gay bastard who does Most Things just to spite his parents.

[corypheus pointing at syracuse’s visage in his crystal orb thingo] i want that twink obliterated

i love the companions from older games return thing i truly do so i make it a point for Every companion to return in inquisition so the gang rlly is all here because i am a Slutte for found family

i lie in my keep worldstates because i dont want to choose between hawke and alistair during here lies the abyss but i never make him king and every time i play inquisition and cole has the wicked grace line it makes me Scream. alistair baby im so sorry i did this to you but i didnt actually do this to you

yes this is my everyone lives au but like. all the time. i have never left hawke in the fade and i do not intend to.

fuck whatever nonsense about wardens not being able 2 have kids. by sheer divine power (me) anora and bryant have three daughters; eleanor, sabina & cecelia n both bronson and zevran make Excellent uncles because i think anora deserves good things because i’m tired of bioware being like women bad, actually,

so like most of the time i have the warden & hawke turning up after the move to skyhold n then staying on, with the exception of bryant, carmine & mal. mal is as mentioned previously just There the whole time with her girlfriend. bryant steps in as king of ferelden w/ interests in closing the big hole in the sky spewing demons in2 his kingdom yk. carmine shows up because she wants to help & she wants protection for bethany but she outright says she’d rather die than be inquisitor so cassandra is shit out of luck.

“CHANGE HER MIND VARRIC” “she once doubled down on insisting amaranth was a shade of blue because she didn’t want to admit to being wrong. no one’s changing her mind seeker”

alas is the middle child of eight and is thus very good with children and also bossing around people older than him. 2 of his older siblings come to the inquisition when stuff in wycome has been settled

i left ash with the basic canon background with Some variation (he grew up under the qun and left of his own free will when his magic was discovered n he realized he couldn’t take living as a saarebas

kat on the other hand was raised tal-vashoth and has bounced around basically all over thedas and leads her own merc company when the conclave blows up. she also speaks multiple languages. is there a language she doesn’t speak? probably not

just realized how long this got so im gonna like. stop my general rambling now but lmao yeah theres some basics. waves hands.

[mobbtown-blog1]

errica Benton awoke to the sound of short waves breaking against smooth rocks on the Pier 6 Pavilion. She yawned and flounced her hair, balancing out the streams of Starburst and Carnation extensions tangled together after last night’s impromptu pillow fight with her bandmates; Kimber, Aja, and Rayna collectively known as, The Holograms. The day before, Jerrica as her alter ego, Jem, performed at the pavilion with her band and was now spending the weekend held up in the Ritz-Carlton Estates, occupying the penthouse condos previously inhabited by bestselling book writer, Tom Clancy. Jerrica slinked out of the Queen sized bed careful not to disturb the other inhabitants; she stood in bay window overlooking the harbor replaying sections of last night’s show in her head. She was pleased with the laser and smoke filled spectacle and decided to reward herself with a bump of “Bolivian Marching Powder”. A small yet non-committal indulgence she picked up in Central America while fighting for the rights of migrant farmers and plantation worker in the Coca Fields of Ecuador. Jerrica looked over at the bed intent on waking her posse to start the day and use her bump to its fullest advantage. However, the bed was empty. She checked the bedside alarm clock, it was noon, far later than she hoped but still enough time to get her life in the Charm City. She ruffled the sheets and thought to herself; “They must have gotten up early and hit up Blue Moon for brunch. I hope they bring me back an order of Captain Crunch French Toast. I wonder if the French know about French Toast; Do the French get royalties every time someone says French Toast? Oh my God, Do I owe the French Money for saying French Toast a million times? O.k. if I stop saying French Toast now maybe my debt won’t be so high. Where are these bitches?” Jerrica reached under the bed and pulled out a designer high heel shoe; from it, she retrieved a small Silver Star shaped earring. She pressed the amulet into her lobe and gave it a tug; a familiar cybernetic voice filled the palatial waterfront estate. “Hello, Jerrica.” “Hey, Synergy; incredible show last night, you almost surged the power grid, though. Be careful with your use of light balance next time, we almost left the city in complete darkness.” “As if Baltimore isn’t already dark enough,” Bantered Synergy. “Excuse me?” Jem perplexed. “The temped climate change due to excessive humidity in the area causes an extended amount of overcast in the mid-Atlantic region thereby blocking out the sun throughout large portions of the day. What did you think I meant.” “That, I thought you meant that, and I was right, because I’m good at Meteorology.”

“Jerrica, I’m afraid there has been a bit of a kerfuffle.” “Yeah, I know, The Holograms rolled out and got brunch without me. Don’t these heifers know who they came here with? I mean I do two things when I’m out on tour; I shut down shows and I open up brunches, I mean I put the “B” in Bellini. “My life is so odd right now and I guess that’s why I just can’t even.” “Jerrica, I assure you, the holograms are not at brunch. They have been kidnapped by an unknown assailant and jettisoned off to Hunger Island as tribute to, Katniss Everdean.” “What the flip?” “She heard about the “Jem movie” and is intent on sabotaging the property. She plans on force feeding the girls and killing them with calories.” “It’s just a movie we can all premier at the Cineplex and fill seats. Nothing wrong with little friendly competition.” “That’s just it, Jerrica, Katniss mind has been so warped by the Hunger Games tributes that she now views any form of competition as a mortal threat. Anything she views as an impediment to her success, she must destroy.” “Katniss Everdean must be stopped. I have to save my friends, but how am I supposed to save my girls without the help of my girls?” “Not to worry, Jerrica, I’ve called in some backup to aid you on your mission.” “Well don’t be shy, tell me who it is, ooh is it the Battle Beasts? Is it Action Man? He’s so macho. He makes my queso ooze. “Actually, Jerrica, you’ll be receiving support from you old adversaries, The Misfits.” “The Misfits, why them, they don’t have a horse in this race?” “Actually, it was Roxy who proposed the team up; she’s still indebted to Ban-Nee for teaching her how to read. That and Stormer teamed up with your sister Kimber some time ago and released an album. Pitchfork gave it an 8 of 10.” “I don’t read Pitchfork; the writing is a bit too bloated for my taste. They tend to write as if their review is far more important that its subject matter and that turns me off.” “Jerrica, even the group’s leader, Pizzazz is committed to the cause. Although she doesn’t particularly care for you, she seems to harbor an even deeper animosity toward Katniss.”

“That’s all well and good, but I’m not sure I feel comfortable teaming up with the Misfits. They think their songs are better than mine.” “Oh, Darling, Jem, their songs are better, but you are far more glamorous, and your glamour makes you; truly, truly, truly …OUTRAEGOUS! “Now Jerrica you must morph into Jem, team up with the Misfits; fly to Hunger Island, and save your friends from Trans fatty fatality. Are you ready?” “Send all my calls direct to voice mail, I gotta go rescue my bitches.” Jerrica gives her amulet another brisk swipe, her body emits pulsing neon light as luminous as a quasar erupting in the Milky Way Pavilion. With her new formed alliance she is Jem and the Misfits, and on this day they will; Taste the Hunger. “I wonder if Eric has anything to do with this; he could be the unknown assailant. He’s always involved in some crazy scheme to sabotage me off the board and steal my half of the Starlight Music Company. I don’t know why he wants this company so bad he doesn’t know anything about music. I guess that doesn’t make him any different than any other music exec.” Jem snickers to herself and rubs her pointer finger across the glass dinner table, and inspects the tiny pearl flakes stuck to her finger tip. “No blow left behind.” She wipes the residue across her gums in anticipation of the Misfits arrival. The penthouse elevator chimes the doors open and out spill its contents; Roxy (Guitar), Jetta (Sax), Stormer (Keytar), and Pizzazz (lead vocals). “Hi girls,” “Don’t say hi to me, Say thank you,” Sneered Pizzazz, the group’s leader and Jem’s mortal adversary. “Thank you” “You got us a lift out to Hunger Island, or do you need us to hold your hand through that too?” Synergy interjects. “G.I. Joe Staff Sargent Roadblock is gonna give you an airlift in the Eagle Hawk Helicopter. He’s on the roof now.” “Wait, let me grab my sunglasses.” “You won’t need sun glasses when you travel with me, because Pizzazz brings plenty shade.” “O.k. well I definitely need to find my phone so I can live tweet what you just said.” “Status updated,” intoned Synergy. The girls ascend the elevator to the roof and are greeted by the decorated officer award winning chef and all around jovial guy: “Roadblock is here and it’s clear to see/ that you need a ride so come along with me/ Put on your seat belt and your parachute/ but you don’t need to wear a helmet cause your hair looks cute/ don’t be a litter bug, girls/ knowledge! “And knowing is half the battle,” Cheered Stormer. The girls all took a Xanax and pretty much slept through the 8 hour helicopter ride to Hunger Island. They conveniently awoke within a two minute eta, enough time to receive landing instructions from Roadblock; Use your parachutes to land after the ride/ when your boots hit the ground you’ll meet your guide/ Good luck on your journey, I’m sure you’ll win/ I hope to see you again/ before we get to Heaven/ I’m a Lutheran ya’ll/ Faith!

The girls floated safely to the ground nestled in a redolent tropical field of lush island frutex. They dumped their shoots, teased their hair, took a few selfies and updated their Instagram accounts. “Made it to the Island in one piece”: Hash Tag; • blessed • free rap concert • free the holograms • roadblock raps like them old heads from the70’s • can’t even believe this island has Wi-Fi • if there’s a Starbucks on this island im staying • My stage name is Pizzazz but My Street Name Is Rohypnol Cause I Stay Knocking Dumb Hoes Out and Fuckin they ass up. • No homo. • I wonder if this island breeds small dogs As the girls tuck their phones away and begin their trek, a soft glow of light beams through the tree tops, intercepting the girls’ slow procession. “Hello, Ladies, I’m actor, writer, director, and now temporal tropical tour guide, Phillip Seymour Hoffman.” “I’m here to guide you, because im featured in the Hunger Games trilogy, so I’m quite familiar with the terrain, and I’m also a blue chip actor usually employed to give mediocre storylines artistic credibility, like the Film, Almost Famous, and the story you’re in right now. “Phillip Seymour Hoffman, you dead right?” asked Jetta. “Yes. I am dead.” “Yeah, I read about you, because I recently learned how to read. They found you in an apartment in Tribeca, right?” quizzes Roxy. “No, it was Chelsea.” Hoffman stated ruefully “You were surrounded by what, like, 50 bags of dope, some shit like that?” “Well, yeah something like that,” he stumbles over his words foolishly. “’50 bags of heroine is a lot of fuckin dope, you buy your shit from Sam’s Club or something?” “Did you think they was gonna stop making dope after they sold you yours.” “Did your dope dealer not have change for a 1000 dollar bill so you just bought it all?” “Alright I get it, I bought too much dope, and obviously I did, because I’m dead now. O.k.? So can we just move on and get this over with please? I’m trying to help you save your friends life!” “I appreciate all the help and everything Phil, I really do, but I just don’t see myself following a fucking junkie through a jungle. Oliver Stone wrote three movie about that shit and none of them end well so I’m gonna respectfully request that you jump back in whatever shallow grave you hopped your pale ass out of cause Pizazz can’t fuck with you, I loved you in Capote, though. Keep your ass moving on through to that other side, baby boy. “ “Oh, my God Pizzazz, he was our only way around the Island, Why did you run him off like that?” “I mean we don’t have a map or anything, we gonna die on this Island like those kids in that book I was supposed to read in middle school, but I didn’t cause I was still illiterate back then” whined Roxy. “That fat jerk was gonna sell us into white slavery the first chance he got. Besides we don’t need no week man telling us where to go and what to do. Shit the island has Wi-Fi. Just pull out your phone go to the google home screen the nearest me browser is gonna pop up. In that search bar put in kidnapping. And boom three kilometers that way. Just then a camouflage Jeep crashes furiously through the bush. The driver adorned with long blond silky trestles’ flowing downs his back and across his German issue naval officer blouse hops rapaciously from the driver’s seat and advances on the girls. “Need a lift old friend?” “Riot?” Jem says pensively. “Jem is it?” Riot says casually. “It is,” she says with obviously inflection. “Or is it Jerrica?” He says haughtily; as he laughs with arrogant conviction. A collective gasp falls over the cluster of girls. Jem is caught off guard and before she has time to deny the claim her face tells a truth her words could no longer hide. “But how,” she asks still shell shocked. I’ve always known who you were Jerrica. Many years ago when you were just a little girl I knew your father. We were inventers and visionaries. We partnered up and created the Synergy technology together. It took many years to complete and during that time I became close to you and your father, you in particular, Jerrica. I took you to the park, I taught you how to ride a bike I helped you with your schoolwork. As you got older my feelings matured into something deeper, more complex, something I could not quite process. At the same time my feeling for you were maturing the Synergy project was also coming to fruition. I was proud of the project and I wanted to share it with the world. The advancements were unlimited, but you father had other plans. He wanted to keep the project secret and use it for more ethical practices whereas I wanted to mine it for its commercial value. We were at an impasse and instead of fighting I left with my half of the research. I kept the telecommunication half and he kept the light manipulation half. “Wendell Wasserman, my dad’s doting assistant, I remember you. You were a kind man, leery, but sweet. You just up and disappeared when I was 14. What happened to you?” I moved back to Austria, sold my half of the Synergy technology to a Japanese mobile communication firm. I got a facelift. I changed my name; started a glam rock band-Pink Lipstick. We had an international top ten hit. Maybe you’ve heard of it…”Walk you home from school” “Walk you home from School, I remember that song. She recites a few bars… I watched you grow up as a baby in your father’s arms Then you grew into a lady and fell under my charms I want to fall into you when I Walk you home from school “Oh my god was that song about me?” “Yes Jerrica, It was about you, it was always about you. I moved back; started a new band-The Stingers, I even grew this luxurious flaxen mane and still you rebuff me at every turn. Well the honeymoon is over baby! I want that Synergy technology and I want it now or you and you friends will die. Just then a righteous arrow pierces the sky. And lands square in the heart of Riot. “Oh shit, I got blood in my succulent hair, and I think I’m dying…nope…I’m dead, yeah, I’m definitely dead. “ “Katniss Everdean” I presume. Hissed Pizzazz. “Was it the bow and the arrow that gave me away?” “I only asked because I could not tell you in person from your movie posters, they make you appear much more, slender, than you really are. I was worried about your health. It’s such a relief to see, in abundance, that your thighs really, do touch.” “Yes, they do, just like my two, Golden Globes.” “Ah, Miss Everdean are you gonna force feed us a ton of carbs? I really don’t want to fuck my diet up.” Stormer asked. “Ah, no that was all that twisted pedophile, Riots plan, he kidnapped me too. He didn’t try anything too direct just a lot of foot baths, finger and toe nail polishing, and he brushed my hair three times a day. When he saw you all flying in he dashed out here and that’s when a nest of Mocking Jays came and loosened me from my bindings. I followed Riot here, and well you saw the rest. Hey you guys wanna watch My Little Pony Friendship is Magic?” “There’s cable and internet on this Island too?!?” squealed Jetta, because it’s been a while since she had a line. “No, well yeah, but, Riot also kidnapped The My Little Pony crew. They’re outback with the Holograms frolicking in a waterfall made of rainbow sprinkles. “ “Oh, my god he was gonna make the girls eat the My Little Ponies, gross.” Conjectured Stormer. “Guy’s I’m sorry I never told you all that I’m both Jem and Jerrica” Pizzazz, finger combed her hair, briskly turning a side eye glance to her arch rival and smirked. “Bitch, we knew.”

The End. Jem and the Misfits “Taste the Hunger” Written By Mike Smith michaeladrion@gmail.com

[flauntpage]

Blue Jays Mailbag: Who to Keep, Who to Sell, and Why There's Hope for 2018

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports Canada.

Andrew Stoeten answers your questions in our Blue Jays Mailbag, which runs weekly at VICE Sports. You can send him questions at stoeten@gmail.com, and follow him on Twitter.

The big 10-game road trip out of the All-Star break is over, and the Toronto Blue Jays are... still playing baseball, it turns out. They actually won in their return home on Monday, but… woof.

We beat on, boats against the current, and all that. Which is a hell of a mood to be in as we get set open up this week's edition of the mailbag, isn't it? So let's have at it!

If you have a Blue Jays question you'd like me to tackle for next week, be sure to send it to stoeten@gmail.com. As always, I have not read any of Griff's answers.

Hi Stoeten

Could the Blue Jays market Liriano as a potential high strikeout lefty coming out of the bullpen?

Obviously it would help his value if he was performing that role right now but he did perform that role last year down the stretch and in the playoffs

Thanks Josh

Uh, market him? I really don't think that's how this works. Other teams might see him as a reliever, sure, but they would be aware of his usage last year and how he would fit their team. The Jays won't be making sales pitches. They're not running a used car lot.

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Who should stay and who should go on the Jays team? Marilyn

Well, I'd say that anybody the Jays can't get appropriate value for on the trade market should stay. Meaning: I don't want to see them give players away, or trade them just to trade them.

Or... I would have said that if their continuing limp play wasn't slowly sucking the life out of us all, making the notion of keeping any of their impending free agents feel more pointless by the day.

Who should go is the more interesting question, I think. Goins and Barney I'd just kind of like to stop watching at this point, so I'm OK if they exit in some way or another. Tulo is likeable as hell and I'll probably keep believing massive production at the plate is just around the corner for the rest of his time here, but if they could get rid of that contract—which they can't—I'd be all for it. Steve Pearce is more DH than outfielder, so they really probably only need to keep one of him or Kendrys Morales—and as much as moving the Morales contract would be better, it's probably Pearce who has the value. And if they could get something worthwhile for Kevin Pillar, at this point, why the hell not? I could handle planning for Pompey, Alford, or whoever in centre next season if it meant turning Pillar into a piece a little less redundant.

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Are they trading Marco? I know you have a crystal ball, so tell us all! LOL. Will we see Lourdes Gurriel this season in Sept? Liz

Haha. I don't know! If there's a team out there that has looked at his last couple months and thinks they know how to fix him, though, he probably will be. I just have a hard time believing that team exists right now. A couple strong starts before the deadline might change that.

And as for Gurriel, maybe? I'm hearing good things out of New Hampshire about how he's looked against Double-A pitching. Perhaps they give him a September call-up just to get a taste of the big leagues, and to get a few extra at-bats between the end of the minor league season and the start of the Arizona Fall League. But I honestly have no clue what the thinking is there.

Hey Andrew,

What the hell ever happened to Chad Jenkins? Cole

Interesting question, apart from the fact that I could not possibly care less! But what's happened to Jenkins is—at least as far as a cursory Google search tells us—is something close to a mystery. He was released last year and hasn't pitched in affiliated ball since—nor in any of the leagues that you'd expect to see on his Baseball Reference page, either: no sign of Mexico, Japan, Korea, or Indy ball.

VICE Sports Explains Blisters in Baseball

Best I can tell is that he's gone back to school. He has a LinkedIn page that says "attending Kennesaw State University." That was the school he was playing at when the Jays selected him five picks before Mike Trout (*COUGHHHHHHH*) in the 2010 draft, but his LinkedIn makes it clear that he's doing so in 2017.

So... mystery solved?

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I would fire Gibbons. Only solution, if no Gibbons firing, is to trade your 'untouchables' Osuna, JD, Stroman, Smoak. Am I right? Darrell

LOL. Holy shit, no. You're not right. You're not close to right. You're not on the same continent as right.

Gibbons is a treasure and hardly at fault for how the Jays' season has gone. There's no reason to fire him, or to start selling off everything.

When the #FireGibbons crowd starts getting loud. Photo by Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

But, OK. I guess we might as well do this here, and skip all the other "buy or sell???" questions. Thing is, some people almost seem to have this weird thing where they think that just because a bunch of players are on an underperforming team (or, if you prefer to read it the other way, a bad team), there's no way we can expect them to be part of a good team next year. Donaldson, Stroman, Sanchez, Osuna, Smoak, Martin, most of the bullpen—these guys can be part of a team that could still be really good with the right pieces around it (one of which will be Tulo, because he ain't going anywhere). Just because 2017 seems to get more grim by the day, doesn't mean that what we thought a week ago isn't still true: The Blue Jays can be competitive enough in 2018 to justify not splaying open a giant, self-inflicted wound just yet.

In a vacuum where the club doesn't care about whether or not fans stick around the next two or three years, and what that does to what they'll be able to do in the future financially, maybe an immediate sell-off is the best course of action. But it's hardly a simple question.

---

Few dumb questions. Any news on Rogers Centre renos/improving fan experience? How is the 2018 draft class looking?Jays will prob have a top pick Anthony

Oh relax with the top pick stuff. It isn't hockey.

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Would you rather have Munenori Kawasaki on the team, or Ryan Goins? Kawasaki has a higher OBP (.320 vs. .270) Jonah

The correct answer is "neither," but if you're forcing me to choose, I'm not judging my backup middle infielders based on how well they can hit first, then worrying about if they can play defence later. Goins hasn't had a great year with the glove, but Kawasaki should really never play shortstop, and so I have to give it to Goins on that alone.

Bring him back! Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

Plus, Kawasaki is 36 and slashing .248/.318/.323 for the Fukuoka Softbank Hawks. You think those numbers are going to translate to the big leagues any better than what Goins has been doing?

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What's your take on why Donaldson has been...well...kinda bad lately? Jordan

He's gotta be hurt, right?

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Question: How will fans who can't put up with 3 months of bad baseball without yelling "blow it up" put up with 3-5 yrs of bad baseball? Derek

Derek's got a follow-up question, but let's just admire this one for a second. Because it's fucking perfect.

Also, what is number one fan experience change you would make asap? (Besides craft beer..) Derek

I'm not much of a craft beer drinker these days, but I know that doing right by the damn beer situation is something that would get a lot of people excited. I'm all for more local, more reasonable prices, and all that. Personally, I'd just like to be able to get a cider at its own stand instead of having to find the nearest giant wall of beverages and wait in an enormous line there. But the beer thing... honestly... whatever.

For me the big stuff is 4 PM games on Saturday (which is an idea they're apparently toying with), and fixing the in-game "entertainment." Shi Davidi was tweeting last week from Boston about some of the decent and deliciously ironic music choices the Red Sox were playing between innings, and I couldn't help but think, "I want that!" Nothing major, just a little less howling at me and a little more wit.

Uh... a better product on the field wouldn't hurt, either.

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If you ranked all MLB players on projected WAR and then ranked them all on likeability, which Jays would be more likeable than valuable? John

All of them?

Seriously, though. All of them. Especially Estrada, Donaldson, Tulo, and (as far as I'm concerned) Bautista. Those guys are great! At least they are when they're on your team. And they've all been pretty goddamned bad this season. To varying degrees, of course.

Ugh.

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Hey Stoeten . How many bevvies at The Only do you think it takes to feel better about this year ? Spartacus

A few hundred so far, and it's still not working!

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Can you shed some light on the defensive miscues in the OF? Why do the Jays still struggle with the ability to call off each other?

Would also appreciate any exploration in Goins hitting track record w. bases empty vs RISP (also how he leads majors w. bases loaded hits?) Kate

These are outstanding questions, and I wish I had more satisfying answers to them than what I'm about to provide...

In the outfield, what I'd say is that Zeke is Zeke, and to get whatever good you're going to get out of him—and, rather startlingly, he has a 115 wRC+ this season, which is well beyond solid—you're just going to have to live with the bad. And Pearce simply isn't really an outfielder. He's already played more innings in the outfield at the big league level this season than any other year in his career.

Neither of those are very satisfying excuses. And if there have been misplays between Pillar and Bautista, they're even harder to justify. But... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

I'll say this, though: I think that part of the reason we notice these things so much is that the lineup simply hasn't been scoring runs, and so the margin for error in terms of pitching and defence this season has been desperately thin.

As for Goins, you're right that it's quite interesting that this year he has eight hits in 11 plate appearances with the bases loaded. Those hits include a double and a home run, which adds up to an astounding .727/.727/1.091 slash line. Unfortunately, I don't think those numbers are terribly meaningful. I don't think any sample of just 11 plate appearances is going to be very meaningful.

We're talking 11 plate appearances here, people. Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

For me, there's certainly got to be a bunch of coincidence in there. There's probably a little bit of lineup protection as a factor—Goins has mostly been hitting ninth, and the Jays' lead-off man lately has been Bautista, and before that was Pillar when he was going really well (if you can fucking believe that!). Then again, bad hitters probably always get a bump in that situation, regardless of who is coming up behind him, just because it seems more appropriate to challenge a guy like Goins than to get too cute and end up walking him. (I'm sure someone has studied this).

Can Goins maybe apply some of what has been so successful about his bases loaded approach to help him be a better hitter in other situations? It certainly can't hurt to try—he sure as hell can't get much worse no matter what he does!—but I'm doubtful there's anything there. It's just 11 plate appearances.

Blue Jays Mailbag: Who to Keep, Who to Sell, and Why There's Hope for 2018 published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[hopelesshawks]

Official Accounts Part 35 (Bakugo Route)- Whole Again 18+ NSFW Version

Summary: (y/n) was perfectly happy remaining anonymous, even if her best friends were all pro heroes and she worked under THE Hawks. Handling the technical aspects of hero work from the background suited her just fine, thank you very much. That goes out the window when suddenly her twitter blows up thanks Denki and the famed no. 2 hero is asking her to run his own official twitter as a result

If you don’t want to see Official Accounts content blacklist #hopelessoa

It’s been made pretty clear throughout the fic but just to make it even more so the characters are AGED UP. They’re about 24 when this fic happens. This one isn’t for minors but don’t worry there’s a SFW version for y’all here so you can still enjoy the story. I promise you’re not missing out on much

Warnings for unprotected sex, fingering, dom/sub themes, dirty talk, and mention of reader having a vagina

Masterlist

You have willingly fallen off many a building since you first began the ‘think fast’ tradition. First was the UA dorms and since then you’ve also fallen off every apartment building you’ve lived in at least once. All of this to say that you know what it’s like to fall and you know what senses and feelings you like to focus on when you’re in free fall. Typically if you’re falling someplace new you’ll stare at the surrounding buildings as they streak past. More familiar places you typically just close your eyes and enjoy the feeling of falling.

Falling with Katsuki is different.

You pay no mind to the buildings rushing past the two of you. You dare not close your eyes. Instead you focus on the feelings of his warm arms wrapped around you as you look down into beautiful crimson eyes. The eyes of one of your best friends. The eyes of the first person to break your heart. The eyes of your first love. “Hold on tight,” he tells you with a soft smirk. You wrap your arms tightly around his neck and then wrap your legs around his waist as well. He brings one hand to caress your cheek briefly, his look so incredibly soft, before dropping both his hands behind him to send the both of you flying back upwards. He helps you slide around so you’re piggybacked on him with an ease developed from years of doing this ritual. Then he starts directing the two of you further and further away from the venue. “Where are you taking me explosion boy?” you ask in his ear. “It’s a surprise dumbass, just wait and see,” he insists. Eventually you leave the downtown area and move further out to the suburbs and soon enough you start to recognize some of the streets. Bakugo touches down at a public park with an old playset only a few minutes walk from UA’s campus. He carefully lets you back down onto the ground as you take in the space around you. “You brought me to our park,” you say in wonder as you move towards the rusty swingset nearby. “I did,” Bakugo confirms with a smile as each of you takes a seat on one of the swings.

You and Bakugo used to sneak off campus to come here on a regular basis. There’s a dent in the jungle gym where you’d lashed out at it with your quirk one day when one of your classmates had pissed you off. There’s a hole in one of the tunnels that Bakugo had created after a particularly contentious fight with Midoriya. If you looked long enough you’d probably even find where you and Katsuki had carved your initials the night of graduation. The park was filled with memories of the two of you together and this is your first time back since the two of you had broken up. “We used to stay out here for hours when we could sneak away,” you recall wistfully. “Those were some of my favorite memories from the UA days,” Bakugo admits. “Really?” “Obviously,” Bakugo scoffs but then he stops, thinking for a moment. You watch him curiously as he takes a deep breath, staring determinedly ahead as he continues in a softer tone “it’s the place I promised you forever.”

You know exactly what night he’s referring to. It was about a week before graduation and the reality of high school being over and your careers beginning was hitting Katsuki hard, so the two of you had decided to escape out to the park. You both sat on the swings then just like you are now and you looked at the stars and talked about the future. “I remember. You said there was no future you imagined for yourself without me in it,” you admit quietly. “I meant it,” he replies. “I know.” “I still mean it.” “What?” “I said what I said.” The two of you briefly lapse back into silence as you mull over his words. You gently swing a little as you gather your thoughts. “I’m so-“ “Don’t apologize dumbass you did the right thing. Plus I didn’t bring you here to guilt trip you about the past,” Bakugo interrupts you. “Why did you bring me here?” you ask curiously. “Well... This is where I confessed to you the first time and that seemed to go well. Guess I was hoping it would give me good luck again.” “Katsuki, I... What exactly are you saying?” you ask breathlessly. “I love you, (y/n). I never stopped loving you,” Bakugo finally confesses, dragging his eyes away from the ground so he can look you in yours as he says it. “Even after all this time?” you ask. “Especially after all this time.” “I love you too Katsuki,” you reply before you lean across the short distance between the two swings to press your lips to his.

Katsuki’s reaction is immediate, one of his hands moving to caress your face as he deepens the kiss, pouring every unspoken ‘I love you’ from the past 5 years into it. God he’s missed this. All this time he’s been resigned to never feeling your lips on his again, never feeling your love again, and yet here he is feeling it all in the very spot where it first began. He pulls away slightly to mumble “come here,” against your lips, and you happily let him tug you towards him and into his lap. Your arms wrap around each other as he presses a kiss to each of your cheeks and the tip of your nose before returning to your lips. With each peck Bakugo feels a sweet relief akin to diving into cold water on the hottest day of the year. He had forgotten what it was like to not be heartbroken until this very moment with you once again in his arms. For the first time in five years he is whole again.

You laugh as Katsuki scowls down at his phone. “Bakugo Hype Squad huh?” you tease which only makes him scowl harder. “They’re idiots,” he huffs. “Yes but they’re your idiots,” you reply before pressing a kiss to Bakugo’s furrowed brow. His face softens almost immediately as he redirects his attention back to you, pocketing his phone. “I’m glad you and Hawks are becoming friends,” you admit. “He’s not half bad I guess,” Bakugo scoffs. “That’s practically a raving review coming from you.” “Whatever.” “Wait oh my god,” you gasp as realization dawns on you. “Is that what those tweets were about yesterday? Did you and Hawks plan this together? That’s adorable Katsuki,” you laugh and the scowl returns to his face immediately. “I’m not cute dumbass,” he grouses, hands tightening minutely around your waist. “I hate to break it to you Katsuki but you are the cutest,” you laugh.

One moment you’re laughing, sitting in Katsuki’s lap, and the next you’re on your back, wood chips digging into your skin, breath knocked out of you with him pinning you to the ground. Before you’ve even fully adjusted to the sudden shift Bakugo is leaning down to growl in your ear “I said I’m not cute.” A shiver shoots down your spine and you know he can tell because when he pulls back his crimson eyes are burning with aggression and lust. “What’s wrong? Don’t tell me you’re speechless already Doll,” he teases, a smug smirk stretching across his face. “Awfully confident for someone who apparently needed a hype squad,” you fire back. “You know that teasing me is a dangerous game (y/n),” he warns as he leans down closer to you. His hips get close enough to yours that you can feel where he’s starting to harden in his suit pants. His mouth drops down to press kisses to the column of your throat but you try not to let it distract you too much. That would mean he wins. “Really now?” you ask as you roll your hips up into his. He growls again, nipping at your neck in retaliation before his mouth starts traveling further. “Wait, wait, wait Kacchan we’re in a public park,” you hiss, pushing at his shoulders. “And?” he scoffs, although he does halt his progression and lean back to look at you. “And I’m not trying to get arrested for public indecency,” you reply with a roll of your eyes. “Fine, but I’m taking you back to my place.” “You fucking better.”

You’re genuinely surprised Bakugo doesn’t just blast his door open when the two of you finally get to his apartment. He’s been all over you since the park, eager to get you back to his place and alone so he can do with you as he pleases. He’s waited a long time for this and he wants to enjoy every moment of it. As soon as you’re through the door he picks you up and tosses you over his shoulder. “Katsuki!” you squeal in protest but you still can’t help but giggle as he moves to the bedroom with purpose. Once he gets there he quickly drops you onto the bed, but before you can complain about the rough handling he’s on top of you again and kissing you senseless. His hips grind mercilessly down into yours and you gasp into his mouth as you feel his urgent erection. “Someone’s eager,” you tease. “I’ve been waiting for this. Waiting for you,” he replies as his lips pepper kisses all over your face and his hands find the zipper of your dress. Despite his prior urgency, he removes your dress as if unwrapping a precious gift, cherishing each and every moment. You return the favor as you strip him out of his suit. It’s almost surreal being like this again. Skin sliding against skin as the two of you slowly peel away the layers separating you.

Once the both of you are finally nude Bakugo stops for a moment and leans back so he can look at you more fully. “You are so fucking beautiful, you know that?” he breathes out like a prayer. You blink up at him, at a loss for how to respond in the face of his awe and adoration, before settling on a simple “I love you Bakugo Katsuki.” “I love you too (l/n) (y/n),” he replies before diving back in to press another bruising kiss to your lips. His lust seems to reignite as his hands skim across your sides, luxuriating in the feeling of you beneath him. One of his hands makes its way to your dripping sex, causing you to gasp as he trails his fingers up your labia. “God you’re so fucking wet for me already,” he says before easing a finger inside you. “So fucking tight too. You miss having me that bad doll?” he asks as he adds another finger and begins slowly pumping them in and out of you. “Yes, fuck yes I missed this Katsuki,” you moan. “How badly did you miss it?” he asks as he drags his fingers along your gspot. He still knows your body almost as well as you do and he takes full advantage of that knowledge to have you mewling on just his fingers. “So bad baby,” you moan. “You miss my fingers?” he asks. You nod and his hand immediately stills, causing you to whine in frustration, your hands gripping onto him tightly. “I need to hear you say it,” he growls right in your ear. “I-I missed your fingers. Katsuki please,” you beg. He resumes moving his fingers, even using his thumb to press circles into your clit. “What do you want baby? You gotta be specific,” he teases and you can hear the smirk in his voice but you’re too far gone to try and retaliate. “Need you inside me. Need your dick inside me,” you plead.

The moment you make the request Bakugo removes his fingers in favor of lining his throbbing cock up with your pussy. “You ready?” He asks as the tip of his dick begins to press forward. “Absolutely,” you pant and that’s all Katsuki needs to press deeper and deeper into the tight wet heat of your cunt. He takes it slowly to make sure you have time to adjust, his considerable girth stretching you open as he moves forward. As he finally bottoms out inside of you, your eyes flutter shut at the overwhelming feeling of fullness. “Open your eyes,” he commands and you immediately obey. As your eyes lock onto each other you gasp at the depths of emotion in his carmine eyes. “I’m gonna start moving now, ok?” he asks. “Ok,” you reply breathlessly. His thrusts start out slow and languid, just the smooth rolling of his hips against yours, but neither of you are satisfied with that for long. He quickly brings it up to a brutal pace and you can do nothing but cling to his shoulders and hold on for dear life as he plunges in and out of you. He angles his hips just right to have you seeing stars, unable to hold back your desperate moans and cries of his name. He drops his head to suck bruises into your neck, marking you as his again, as one of your hands tangles in his blonde hair. You can tell by the way his thrusts are growing more erratic that he’s nearing his climax so he brings one of his hands down to your clit to provide the extra stimulation you need to go hurtling towards the brink together. “Together baby. Let’s cum together,” he pants into your ear and soon enough your orgasm crashes over you like a tsunami. Your vaginal walls clench around Katsuki and between that and the beautiful noises you’re making he can’t hold back anymore. With one final thrust he spills his seed inside you, coating your inner walls with his cum as he groans out your name.

By the time both of you come down from your highs you’re both panting and out of breath. Eventually it turns into breathless laughter as what’s just happened finally sinks in. Together again. The two of you are together again. It’s a crazy, surreal, wondrous thought that fills you with a warmth you hadn’t even realized you’d been missing. The moment you’ve caught your breath enough to do so you lean up and kiss Katsuki again, unable to keep the smile from your lips as you do. “I love you,” he mumbles against your lips. “And I you. Thank you for an amazing night,” you reply. “You make it sound like it’s over.” “Is it not?” “I’ve got five years to catch up on Love. You’re not getting any sleep tonight,” Bakugo promises with a smirk and although your eyes widen in surprise at his declaration, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Sleep is for the weak anyway right?

Author’s Note: THE NSFW GOT SO FAR AWAY FROM ME WOW but I love it. I know this took a minute to get to you guys but I hope it was worth the wait. ALSO I have a Ko-fi now! If you wanna support me the link is in my bio

Taglist [open]: @maltese-sparrow @someweirdshitman @oliviasslut @captaincyberqueen @ladyzayismultifandom @pixelwisp @cathy8taffy @itskindofafairything @larkspyrr @thatonegeekchick @thesleepysphinx

[flauntpage]

Blue Jays Mailbag: Who to Keep, Who to Sell, and Why There's Hope for 2018

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports Canada.

Andrew Stoeten answers your questions in our Blue Jays Mailbag, which runs weekly at VICE Sports. You can send him questions at stoeten@gmail.com, and follow him on Twitter.

The big 10-game road trip out of the All-Star break is over, and the Toronto Blue Jays are... still playing baseball, it turns out. They actually won in their return home on Monday, but… woof.

We beat on, boats against the current, and all that. Which is a hell of a mood to be in as we get set open up this week's edition of the mailbag, isn't it? So let's have at it!

If you have a Blue Jays question you'd like me to tackle for next week, be sure to send it to stoeten@gmail.com. As always, I have not read any of Griff's answers.

Hi Stoeten

Could the Blue Jays market Liriano as a potential high strikeout lefty coming out of the bullpen?

Obviously it would help his value if he was performing that role right now but he did perform that role last year down the stretch and in the playoffs

Thanks Josh

Uh, market him? I really don't think that's how this works. Other teams might see him as a reliever, sure, but they would be aware of his usage last year and how he would fit their team. The Jays won't be making sales pitches. They're not running a used car lot.

---

Who should stay and who should go on the Jays team? Marilyn

Well, I'd say that anybody the Jays can't get appropriate value for on the trade market should stay. Meaning: I don't want to see them give players away, or trade them just to trade them.

Or... I would have said that if their continuing limp play wasn't slowly sucking the life out of us all, making the notion of keeping any of their impending free agents feel more pointless by the day.

Who should go is the more interesting question, I think. Goins and Barney I'd just kind of like to stop watching at this point, so I'm OK if they exit in some way or another. Tulo is likeable as hell and I'll probably keep believing massive production at the plate is just around the corner for the rest of his time here, but if they could get rid of that contract—which they can't—I'd be all for it. Steve Pearce is more DH than outfielder, so they really probably only need to keep one of him or Kendrys Morales—and as much as moving the Morales contract would be better, it's probably Pearce who has the value. And if they could get something worthwhile for Kevin Pillar, at this point, why the hell not? I could handle planning for Pompey, Alford, or whoever in centre next season if it meant turning Pillar into a piece a little less redundant.

---

Are they trading Marco? I know you have a crystal ball, so tell us all! LOL. Will we see Lourdes Gurriel this season in Sept? Liz

Haha. I don't know! If there's a team out there that has looked at his last couple months and thinks they know how to fix him, though, he probably will be. I just have a hard time believing that team exists right now. A couple strong starts before the deadline might change that.

And as for Gurriel, maybe? I'm hearing good things out of New Hampshire about how he's looked against Double-A pitching. Perhaps they give him a September call-up just to get a taste of the big leagues, and to get a few extra at-bats between the end of the minor league season and the start of the Arizona Fall League. But I honestly have no clue what the thinking is there.

Hey Andrew,

What the hell ever happened to Chad Jenkins? Cole

Interesting question, apart from the fact that I could not possibly care less! But what's happened to Jenkins is—at least as far as a cursory Google search tells us—is something close to a mystery. He was released last year and hasn't pitched in affiliated ball since—nor in any of the leagues that you'd expect to see on his Baseball Reference page, either: no sign of Mexico, Japan, Korea, or Indy ball.

VICE Sports Explains Blisters in Baseball

Best I can tell is that he's gone back to school. He has a LinkedIn page that says "attending Kennesaw State University." That was the school he was playing at when the Jays selected him five picks before Mike Trout (*COUGHHHHHHH*) in the 2010 draft, but his LinkedIn makes it clear that he's doing so in 2017.

So... mystery solved?

---

I would fire Gibbons. Only solution, if no Gibbons firing, is to trade your 'untouchables' Osuna, JD, Stroman, Smoak. Am I right? Darrell

LOL. Holy shit, no. You're not right. You're not close to right. You're not on the same continent as right.

Gibbons is a treasure and hardly at fault for how the Jays' season has gone. There's no reason to fire him, or to start selling off everything.

When the #FireGibbons crowd starts getting loud. Photo by Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

But, OK. I guess we might as well do this here, and skip all the other "buy or sell???" questions. Thing is, some people almost seem to have this weird thing where they think that just because a bunch of players are on an underperforming team (or, if you prefer to read it the other way, a bad team), there's no way we can expect them to be part of a good team next year. Donaldson, Stroman, Sanchez, Osuna, Smoak, Martin, most of the bullpen—these guys can be part of a team that could still be really good with the right pieces around it (one of which will be Tulo, because he ain't going anywhere). Just because 2017 seems to get more grim by the day, doesn't mean that what we thought a week ago isn't still true: The Blue Jays can be competitive enough in 2018 to justify not splaying open a giant, self-inflicted wound just yet.

In a vacuum where the club doesn't care about whether or not fans stick around the next two or three years, and what that does to what they'll be able to do in the future financially, maybe an immediate sell-off is the best course of action. But it's hardly a simple question.

---

Few dumb questions. Any news on Rogers Centre renos/improving fan experience? How is the 2018 draft class looking?Jays will prob have a top pick Anthony

Oh relax with the top pick stuff. It isn't hockey.

---

Would you rather have Munenori Kawasaki on the team, or Ryan Goins? Kawasaki has a higher OBP (.320 vs. .270) Jonah

The correct answer is "neither," but if you're forcing me to choose, I'm not judging my backup middle infielders based on how well they can hit first, then worrying about if they can play defence later. Goins hasn't had a great year with the glove, but Kawasaki should really never play shortstop, and so I have to give it to Goins on that alone.

Bring him back! Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

Plus, Kawasaki is 36 and slashing .248/.318/.323 for the Fukuoka Softbank Hawks. You think those numbers are going to translate to the big leagues any better than what Goins has been doing?

---

What's your take on why Donaldson has been...well...kinda bad lately? Jordan

He's gotta be hurt, right?

---

Question: How will fans who can't put up with 3 months of bad baseball without yelling "blow it up" put up with 3-5 yrs of bad baseball? Derek

Derek's got a follow-up question, but let's just admire this one for a second. Because it's fucking perfect.

Also, what is number one fan experience change you would make asap? (Besides craft beer..) Derek

I'm not much of a craft beer drinker these days, but I know that doing right by the damn beer situation is something that would get a lot of people excited. I'm all for more local, more reasonable prices, and all that. Personally, I'd just like to be able to get a cider at its own stand instead of having to find the nearest giant wall of beverages and wait in an enormous line there. But the beer thing... honestly... whatever.

For me the big stuff is 4 PM games on Saturday (which is an idea they're apparently toying with), and fixing the in-game "entertainment." Shi Davidi was tweeting last week from Boston about some of the decent and deliciously ironic music choices the Red Sox were playing between innings, and I couldn't help but think, "I want that!" Nothing major, just a little less howling at me and a little more wit.

Uh... a better product on the field wouldn't hurt, either.

---

If you ranked all MLB players on projected WAR and then ranked them all on likeability, which Jays would be more likeable than valuable? John

All of them?

Seriously, though. All of them. Especially Estrada, Donaldson, Tulo, and (as far as I'm concerned) Bautista. Those guys are great! At least they are when they're on your team. And they've all been pretty goddamned bad this season. To varying degrees, of course.

Ugh.

---

Hey Stoeten . How many bevvies at The Only do you think it takes to feel better about this year ? Spartacus

A few hundred so far, and it's still not working!

---

Can you shed some light on the defensive miscues in the OF? Why do the Jays still struggle with the ability to call off each other?

Would also appreciate any exploration in Goins hitting track record w. bases empty vs RISP (also how he leads majors w. bases loaded hits?) Kate

These are outstanding questions, and I wish I had more satisfying answers to them than what I'm about to provide...

In the outfield, what I'd say is that Zeke is Zeke, and to get whatever good you're going to get out of him—and, rather startlingly, he has a 115 wRC+ this season, which is well beyond solid—you're just going to have to live with the bad. And Pearce simply isn't really an outfielder. He's already played more innings in the outfield at the big league level this season than any other year in his career.

Neither of those are very satisfying excuses. And if there have been misplays between Pillar and Bautista, they're even harder to justify. But... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

I'll say this, though: I think that part of the reason we notice these things so much is that the lineup simply hasn't been scoring runs, and so the margin for error in terms of pitching and defence this season has been desperately thin.

As for Goins, you're right that it's quite interesting that this year he has eight hits in 11 plate appearances with the bases loaded. Those hits include a double and a home run, which adds up to an astounding .727/.727/1.091 slash line. Unfortunately, I don't think those numbers are terribly meaningful. I don't think any sample of just 11 plate appearances is going to be very meaningful.

We're talking 11 plate appearances here, people. Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

For me, there's certainly got to be a bunch of coincidence in there. There's probably a little bit of lineup protection as a factor—Goins has mostly been hitting ninth, and the Jays' lead-off man lately has been Bautista, and before that was Pillar when he was going really well (if you can fucking believe that!). Then again, bad hitters probably always get a bump in that situation, regardless of who is coming up behind him, just because it seems more appropriate to challenge a guy like Goins than to get too cute and end up walking him. (I'm sure someone has studied this).

Can Goins maybe apply some of what has been so successful about his bases loaded approach to help him be a better hitter in other situations? It certainly can't hurt to try—he sure as hell can't get much worse no matter what he does!—but I'm doubtful there's anything there. It's just 11 plate appearances.

Blue Jays Mailbag: Who to Keep, Who to Sell, and Why There's Hope for 2018 published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

Blue Jays Mailbag: Who to Keep, Who to Sell, and Why There's Hope for 2018

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports Canada.

Andrew Stoeten answers your questions in our Blue Jays Mailbag, which runs weekly at VICE Sports. You can send him questions at stoeten@gmail.com, and follow him on Twitter.

The big 10-game road trip out of the All-Star break is over, and the Toronto Blue Jays are... still playing baseball, it turns out. They actually won in their return home on Monday, but… woof.

We beat on, boats against the current, and all that. Which is a hell of a mood to be in as we get set open up this week's edition of the mailbag, isn't it? So let's have at it!

If you have a Blue Jays question you'd like me to tackle for next week, be sure to send it to stoeten@gmail.com. As always, I have not read any of Griff's answers.

Hi Stoeten

Could the Blue Jays market Liriano as a potential high strikeout lefty coming out of the bullpen?

Obviously it would help his value if he was performing that role right now but he did perform that role last year down the stretch and in the playoffs

Thanks Josh

Uh, market him? I really don't think that's how this works. Other teams might see him as a reliever, sure, but they would be aware of his usage last year and how he would fit their team. The Jays won't be making sales pitches. They're not running a used car lot.

---

Who should stay and who should go on the Jays team? Marilyn

Well, I'd say that anybody the Jays can't get appropriate value for on the trade market should stay. Meaning: I don't want to see them give players away, or trade them just to trade them.

Or... I would have said that if their continuing limp play wasn't slowly sucking the life out of us all, making the notion of keeping any of their impending free agents feel more pointless by the day.

Who should go is the more interesting question, I think. Goins and Barney I'd just kind of like to stop watching at this point, so I'm OK if they exit in some way or another. Tulo is likeable as hell and I'll probably keep believing massive production at the plate is just around the corner for the rest of his time here, but if they could get rid of that contract—which they can't—I'd be all for it. Steve Pearce is more DH than outfielder, so they really probably only need to keep one of him or Kendrys Morales—and as much as moving the Morales contract would be better, it's probably Pearce who has the value. And if they could get something worthwhile for Kevin Pillar, at this point, why the hell not? I could handle planning for Pompey, Alford, or whoever in centre next season if it meant turning Pillar into a piece a little less redundant.

---

Are they trading Marco? I know you have a crystal ball, so tell us all! LOL. Will we see Lourdes Gurriel this season in Sept? Liz

Haha. I don't know! If there's a team out there that has looked at his last couple months and thinks they know how to fix him, though, he probably will be. I just have a hard time believing that team exists right now. A couple strong starts before the deadline might change that.

And as for Gurriel, maybe? I'm hearing good things out of New Hampshire about how he's looked against Double-A pitching. Perhaps they give him a September call-up just to get a taste of the big leagues, and to get a few extra at-bats between the end of the minor league season and the start of the Arizona Fall League. But I honestly have no clue what the thinking is there.

Hey Andrew,

What the hell ever happened to Chad Jenkins? Cole

Interesting question, apart from the fact that I could not possibly care less! But what's happened to Jenkins is—at least as far as a cursory Google search tells us—is something close to a mystery. He was released last year and hasn't pitched in affiliated ball since—nor in any of the leagues that you'd expect to see on his Baseball Reference page, either: no sign of Mexico, Japan, Korea, or Indy ball.

VICE Sports Explains Blisters in Baseball

Best I can tell is that he's gone back to school. He has a LinkedIn page that says "attending Kennesaw State University." That was the school he was playing at when the Jays selected him five picks before Mike Trout (*COUGHHHHHHH*) in the 2010 draft, but his LinkedIn makes it clear that he's doing so in 2017.

So... mystery solved?

---

I would fire Gibbons. Only solution, if no Gibbons firing, is to trade your 'untouchables' Osuna, JD, Stroman, Smoak. Am I right? Darrell

LOL. Holy shit, no. You're not right. You're not close to right. You're not on the same continent as right.

Gibbons is a treasure and hardly at fault for how the Jays' season has gone. There's no reason to fire him, or to start selling off everything.

When the #FireGibbons crowd starts getting loud. Photo by Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

But, OK. I guess we might as well do this here, and skip all the other "buy or sell???" questions. Thing is, some people almost seem to have this weird thing where they think that just because a bunch of players are on an underperforming team (or, if you prefer to read it the other way, a bad team), there's no way we can expect them to be part of a good team next year. Donaldson, Stroman, Sanchez, Osuna, Smoak, Martin, most of the bullpen—these guys can be part of a team that could still be really good with the right pieces around it (one of which will be Tulo, because he ain't going anywhere). Just because 2017 seems to get more grim by the day, doesn't mean that what we thought a week ago isn't still true: The Blue Jays can be competitive enough in 2018 to justify not splaying open a giant, self-inflicted wound just yet.

In a vacuum where the club doesn't care about whether or not fans stick around the next two or three years, and what that does to what they'll be able to do in the future financially, maybe an immediate sell-off is the best course of action. But it's hardly a simple question.

---

Few dumb questions. Any news on Rogers Centre renos/improving fan experience? How is the 2018 draft class looking?Jays will prob have a top pick Anthony

Oh relax with the top pick stuff. It isn't hockey.

---

Would you rather have Munenori Kawasaki on the team, or Ryan Goins? Kawasaki has a higher OBP (.320 vs. .270) Jonah

The correct answer is "neither," but if you're forcing me to choose, I'm not judging my backup middle infielders based on how well they can hit first, then worrying about if they can play defence later. Goins hasn't had a great year with the glove, but Kawasaki should really never play shortstop, and so I have to give it to Goins on that alone.

Bring him back! Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

Plus, Kawasaki is 36 and slashing .248/.318/.323 for the Fukuoka Softbank Hawks. You think those numbers are going to translate to the big leagues any better than what Goins has been doing?

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What's your take on why Donaldson has been...well...kinda bad lately? Jordan

He's gotta be hurt, right?

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Question: How will fans who can't put up with 3 months of bad baseball without yelling "blow it up" put up with 3-5 yrs of bad baseball? Derek

Derek's got a follow-up question, but let's just admire this one for a second. Because it's fucking perfect.

Also, what is number one fan experience change you would make asap? (Besides craft beer..) Derek

I'm not much of a craft beer drinker these days, but I know that doing right by the damn beer situation is something that would get a lot of people excited. I'm all for more local, more reasonable prices, and all that. Personally, I'd just like to be able to get a cider at its own stand instead of having to find the nearest giant wall of beverages and wait in an enormous line there. But the beer thing... honestly... whatever.

For me the big stuff is 4 PM games on Saturday (which is an idea they're apparently toying with), and fixing the in-game "entertainment." Shi Davidi was tweeting last week from Boston about some of the decent and deliciously ironic music choices the Red Sox were playing between innings, and I couldn't help but think, "I want that!" Nothing major, just a little less howling at me and a little more wit.

Uh... a better product on the field wouldn't hurt, either.

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If you ranked all MLB players on projected WAR and then ranked them all on likeability, which Jays would be more likeable than valuable? John

All of them?

Seriously, though. All of them. Especially Estrada, Donaldson, Tulo, and (as far as I'm concerned) Bautista. Those guys are great! At least they are when they're on your team. And they've all been pretty goddamned bad this season. To varying degrees, of course.

Ugh.

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Hey Stoeten . How many bevvies at The Only do you think it takes to feel better about this year ? Spartacus

A few hundred so far, and it's still not working!

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Can you shed some light on the defensive miscues in the OF? Why do the Jays still struggle with the ability to call off each other?

Would also appreciate any exploration in Goins hitting track record w. bases empty vs RISP (also how he leads majors w. bases loaded hits?) Kate

These are outstanding questions, and I wish I had more satisfying answers to them than what I'm about to provide...

In the outfield, what I'd say is that Zeke is Zeke, and to get whatever good you're going to get out of him—and, rather startlingly, he has a 115 wRC+ this season, which is well beyond solid—you're just going to have to live with the bad. And Pearce simply isn't really an outfielder. He's already played more innings in the outfield at the big league level this season than any other year in his career.

Neither of those are very satisfying excuses. And if there have been misplays between Pillar and Bautista, they're even harder to justify. But... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

I'll say this, though: I think that part of the reason we notice these things so much is that the lineup simply hasn't been scoring runs, and so the margin for error in terms of pitching and defence this season has been desperately thin.

As for Goins, you're right that it's quite interesting that this year he has eight hits in 11 plate appearances with the bases loaded. Those hits include a double and a home run, which adds up to an astounding .727/.727/1.091 slash line. Unfortunately, I don't think those numbers are terribly meaningful. I don't think any sample of just 11 plate appearances is going to be very meaningful.

We're talking 11 plate appearances here, people. Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

For me, there's certainly got to be a bunch of coincidence in there. There's probably a little bit of lineup protection as a factor—Goins has mostly been hitting ninth, and the Jays' lead-off man lately has been Bautista, and before that was Pillar when he was going really well (if you can fucking believe that!). Then again, bad hitters probably always get a bump in that situation, regardless of who is coming up behind him, just because it seems more appropriate to challenge a guy like Goins than to get too cute and end up walking him. (I'm sure someone has studied this).

Can Goins maybe apply some of what has been so successful about his bases loaded approach to help him be a better hitter in other situations? It certainly can't hurt to try—he sure as hell can't get much worse no matter what he does!—but I'm doubtful there's anything there. It's just 11 plate appearances.

Blue Jays Mailbag: Who to Keep, Who to Sell, and Why There's Hope for 2018 published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv