#having another impromptu mental health day. unfortunately.

[chrislaplante]

𝔪𝔲𝔫 𝔳𝔰 𝔪𝔲𝔰𝔢 .

[gregorygerwitz]

a garden grew right through the pavement (a cozy trio au)

warnings: drug use, addiction, depression, attempted suicide, abuse, hospital stays

The date was November 14th, 2011. It was a Monday, so maybe Mouse should have anticipated the harsh dip in his mental health that happened so suddenly. Between the phone that rang every day that he forced himself to answer and the scattered texts that he didn’t have the energy to acknowledge and the fact that he was sleeping on a few blankets on the floor most nights, he was just... tired. No part of him wanted to keep trying when life seemed to be so stacked against him. And he had enough contacts that getting pills wasn’t an issue. He just had to take enough of them, and go to bed where he always did, and his mother’s calls wouldn’t have to be a problem anymore.

But ignoring his phone meant his also ignored the texts that came through, including the one that mentioned Jay was bringing him food. That impromptu dinner delivery was the only reason an ambulance was called at all, let alone in time to do anything. And hospital sheets could be itchy and uncomfortable, but it was a lot warmer there than it would have been on his bedroom floor.

Jay had made two phone calls that night, one to emergency services, and one to the number that had been calling Mouse’s phone for weeks. But while the ambulance had arrived in time to get them to the hospital, he’d sat alone in an uncomfortable chair in the hallway all night. Parents who had promised to rush over as soon as they could simply never arrived, and he sustained himself on snippets of conversation that he could catch from doctors until he was allowed into the room.

The only company he had was when he walked down to the cafeteria for coffee as the sun was rising, a teenage girl with bruises on her arms, a split lip, and a laminated bracelet on her wrist insisting on holding his attention. She drank a whole cup of coffee in the time it took just to prepare his own, and then disappeared before he left to go back upstairs and continue his waiting. But that wasn’t the last time he saw her, either.

There were three days he spent in and out of the hospital, talking to the people behind the desk at the entrance to the psych wing. When he was turned away every morning, he stopped for another cup of bitter coffee before trying again with the afternoon staff. The girl - Hailey, as she finally introduced herself - was always around, making casual conversation during the hours he lingered there. She was seemingly always around, though he only saw her outside of the cafeteria once, when she was signing her own discharge papers on his way out one evening. She’d seen him, and smiled and waved, and he initiated the conversation for the first time before she had the chance to make it to the door.

As it turned out, Hailey’s situation was an unfortunately predictable one. Most of the bruises had healed since she was admitted, with only one particularly nasty one sticking around on her thigh. It was from where she’d hit the table when she ran from the house, not even real evidence of why she had gone to the hospital in the first place. And he’d seen them that first night he’d hung around, she was sure. Jay, the guy who harassed the psych ward nurses at shift change every day while he waited for his friend’s discharge, had been nice enough to offer to walk her out when she got to leave. He was even more insistent when she mentioned she didn’t have a car, offering to wait for a cab with her in the cold if she didn’t feel like accepting a ride from a stranger.

But telling him she didn’t exactly have somewhere to go anymore would be too dangerous. And no reasonable man in his twenties was going to care about a nineteen year old who was homeless and jobless. Except Jay wasn’t anything at all like she anticipated. He pulled out cash from his wallet, insisting he didn’t need it for himself and she should get a hot meal for herself. And she was invited along to lunch the next day, if she wanted to meet at a diner down the block after another set of discharge papers were signed at the end of a seventy two hour hold.

It was probably stupid, meeting up with two men she didn’t really know for food, but it was free food. Jay paid for burgers for all three of them, and extra fries, and she wasn’t going to turn that down in her state. Until she could find a job that didn’t put her on her father’s payroll indefinitely, free food from friendly strangers were all she could afford. And if that turned into crashing on their couch, just for a night or two, it probably wouldn’t end any worse than going back to her parents’ home would...

And, when it was still the three of them in one apartment years later, when two of them had detectives’ badges and the other had a half decade long streak of sobriety, they realized that one awful week might have been the best thing that ever happened to them.

[easyloanhub]

Factors to decide on quitting your job

Doing the same sort of boring job, day in day out, can make you feel distant from your job. Growth is vital in your career and it does not only include pay hikes every now and then – what you are learning, how you have made progress in your own field of work, and how your levels of knowledge and confidence are up now are also part of growth.

Having spent a few years, people start quiet quitting, according to a survey, and it is often as a result of a lack of motivation and encouragement. There could be a  myriad of reasons like you did not get a desired hike, you did not get as promised incentive after squeaking through a difficult project, you are sick and tired of all in a day’s work, the work environment is toxic, your innovative ideas are not appreciated, and the list goes on.

Just because working days are haunting you, it does not mean that you will back down without further ado. More than half of the people who do it impromptu rue the day down the line. Here are the most common signs suggesting that you should quit your job:

The signs when you should quit your job

There could be many reasons why you should quit your job, but the most common reasons include:

Toxic environment

If you often end up with heated arguments with your colleagues or your boss puts you down all the time, it is a sign that you are working in a toxic environment. If your company wants you to work all hours of the day and night or you with no any incentives, you would certainly like to escape that sort of filthy taxing environment. It will cause depression, anxiety, stress and other mental health issues, so you should certainly free yourself from this kind of environment as soon as possible.

No self-growth

Do you perform the same kind of activities? Does your manager or employer challenge your skills and knowledge? Taking on challenging projects is intrinsic for self-growth and advancement.

You will get incentives, promotion and a handsome pay hike. Ask your employer or manager for higher responsibilities and if they turn deaf ears, you should find a job somewhere else.

You want to switch fields

Another reason way you want to quit your job is that you want to switch your career field. It makes sense to do so when you are looking to pursue different career paths provided you have the right skills.

Switching your career fields mean that putting in efforts to get certificates, diplomas or degrees, which means that you will have difficulty being regular in the workplace. Therefore, you should try to find out a side gig. This will help you back financially along with your course.  

Things to consider before quitting your job

You might have a valid reason to quit your job, but this may still not be a good idea to do so. Here are the things that you should consider before finalising your decision:

Ask yourself the reason why you want to quit

First off, you should try to find out the true reason why you should resign from your job. There could be probably a lot of reasons like no growth at all, toxic environment, challenging environment and the like, but sometimes you want to quit only you want to break from your boring routine.

When you become bored of doing the same sort of stuff day after day, you start finding a new job. Unfortunately, it cannot guarantee that you will not get bad working environment over there, your boss will respect your ideas, and you will find a lot of growth opportunities.

It could be just that you are exhausted and bored. Take break from your work for a couple of days. Be away from everything that has a link to your workplace. Do not think about the work. Sleep through so your mind becomes relaxed and gets healed.

Sleep deprivation sometimes worsen your mood. It increases anxiety, depression and irritation. This could be a reason why you lose your rag in the workplace. Physically distancing from your normal routine will help you reflect on the problems with more clarity.

Sometimes small changes in your routine will help you balance your work life and you eventually realise that you do not need to quit your job.

Do you have another offer?

It is always a good idea to have another job offer before you plan to quit. Even though you are confident about your skills and knowledge that you will easily crack the interview, you might take a bit longer time to land a new job. This may make it complicated for you to manage your finances.

Start applying for jobs and line up interviews. Do not resign until you get an offer letter from another company. Do not forget you will have to hone your skills. Certificates and diplomas are not enough to land a new job especially if you are looking to switch your career fields.

At the time of changing your career fields, you should consider if you actually want to pursue things that you love as a career. Get some advice from people from the same field. They will likely be able to guide you about the challenges and the upsides and downsides.

Do you have savings to help tide you over?

Switching between career paths means you will have to spend money on your certification programmes. Your current job will also suffer. You must have enough savings to get by if no regular cash is coming in. If cannot take on your job any more, you will need to have a side gig along with your savings so you do not struggle to meet your daily expenses. Seek unemployment benefits as well. If you still need some money, you can take out urgent doorstep loans.

These small funding sources will help fund emergency expenses. Before you apply for these loans, be careful about your repaying capacity. Out of the frustration, you can step down without more ado, but you will end up shooting in your foot if you have long term loans for bad credit to be paid off. Your finances will be ruined if your savings do not support you until you land a new job.

Do you have dependents?

 If you have family dependent on you, you should give your decision a second thought. Your savings will quickly drain if you live off them and eventually you will find yourself tied to a debt trap. Think about the long-term impact of quitting on your family. Even if you have enough savings and no debt at all, you should try to quit only after getting a new job.

The final word

Quitting your job requires a lot of deliberation as there could be different reasons why you want to do so. You should try to quit your job only after receiving an offer letter from another company, but if you are compelled to do it before that, make sure your finances are stable.

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Hey everyone! Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate. For those who don’t, I hope you still have a wonderful day 🥰

P.S. Spoiled (Ralvez PolyAm Throuple Threesome) will drop in about two hours! (2:20PM EST)

(assuming my queue doesn’t eat it again)

1. Thank you my love! I appreciate all the well wishes I got. There is nothing I can do about the situation with my family, so I’m just trying to distract myself for now!

2. Sorry for the late response! My current WIP with the longest word count... I’m not sure exactly but it’s either Lily of the Valley or Lost Time, so I’ll discuss both!

Lily of the Valley: Reader is a psychiatrist at a state hospital where Spencer is a patient after he was found guilty but mentally ill for the torture and murder of several men. Reader is intrigued by him and can’t help but fall in love with the mysterious man who hadn’t spoken for over a year... until she asked him what kind of flower she would be.

Lost Time: Reader has terrible taste in men. Spencer is the only exception, but unfortunately he is also too good for her. They both decide it’s best to keep their admiration for each other a secret, but during an impromptu visit to the beach, they can’t hold it in much longer.

3 & 4. Thank you friend ❤️ It’s hard being away from them, but it’s for my own health. I’m so glad I can help provide some help. And as for pictures... here’s another one with neck 🥰

5. Hahah I get this ask like once a week 😂 This is Basic Instinct by @brekkerism​. It’s the only fanfic I will always be able to locate since I am the beta for it! But note that she is on a hiatus, so please be patient with her ❤️

[dokuhebi]

“I trust you. You can’t hurt me in the ways you want to, so I trust you. I’ll do anything, so please help me.” (from a desperate Kei)

Impromptu Asks // @sociieties An unfortunate development had left two souls trapped in the same vessel. They had expected potential complications when someone with such notable clan blood became their next host, but this was perhaps, still beyond their imaginations warnings and dreads. Her head would now be filled with their thoughts, their memories, their hauntings. The ones they didn’t bother suppress and hide from her at the least. In good time, if she proves more resilient than them, she can control their memories, when she sees them, when she doesn’t. But that comes from bringing the Sannin to heel, that comes from outwitting them in a surreal world they created when developing their transfer technique. They hadn’t known a shinobi alive who could outdo them here.  So for now, it is a waiting game. Waiting for her to give up trying to fight for her own life back, waiting until she’s too vulnerable, disparaged and broken to keep them caged securely. All they need is one true moment of her shattering, and this body and all it’s powers are theirs.  She would hear constant voices when her mental resilience was too low, a male humming, a woman laughing, another man sheepishly muttering inaudible words, another woman crying. Voices from unknown sources, neither hers nor theirs. Voices from the vipers memories. Trapped inside her head and causing constant noise. Maybe she would now know what it was like to be them for once, how it felt to be unable to find quiet. Why the serpent fled so far beneath the earth for some attempt at freedom from chatter - only for the mad ramblings to continue in their head, echoing. As much as the Sannin wants to see her break mentally and emotionally however, they have to walk a careful balance with her physical health. Dying alongside her, or emerging victorious in to a broken and deteriorated body was hardly a prize they wanted.

Her voice shatters their own musings, a plea for help, a call for them to look outside the confines of her and their mind, to see what havoc possessed her in the real world. A world they can view, but can not touch. They chuckle at her words, trust? Now there was an endearing concept better left alone. “Don’t be so quick to underestimate me child, there are still plenty wonderful ways to hurt you.” But they spare her a moment, because what else can they truly do while remaining but a phantom clinging to life through hers. A conscience, but not a body. What a cruel way to exist indeed. They examine her situation, a battle caught in the middle of a dense looking woodlands, almost completely ravaged and cleared. Who are her enemies? They don’t care to find out. They don’t bother to spare those shinobi a moment. If they are in her way, then they are in the Sannin’s way. And that is, as she would one day find out, an unfavorable place to be. Their chakra is insidious by nature, but it is as volatile as it is powerful. The dark violet and black energy forms like a flame, and it would feel like one too beneath her veins as it demands freedom to act, offering her their power to use, but it comes with the price of a most corruptive demeanor. Wanting to consume her, if she didn’t keep her handle on the ferocious chakra.  “You can start by not getting us both killed, dear. Since you have no strength of your own, I can give you mine,” they say, before chuckling in clear mocking amusement, “do try and keep some control over it hm? I would simply hate to see you lose yourself.”

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

Mea Culpa Post

Yesterday (I think) I answered an anon and posted my favorite 2019 Cambridge moments. Unfortunately, I was a complete idiot and I made an absolutely unforgivable mistake. I mistook India for Pakistan which is horrible and offensive. I offer no excuses because that was 100% inexcusable. I was a dumbass, I should have been more careful, and I am deeply mortified by this mistake. People do this to my heritage country all the time and I know exactly how hurtful and offensive it is. I offer my heartfelt apologies to the Paskitani, Indian and South Asian readers I offended and to the reader who sent in the anon and I thank all the anons who (very gently and politely) called me out on it. I am deeply and truly sorry.

Here’s the post with the correct country. Again, I apologize.

“LOL, I’m super conservative so I HATED that look [this was referring to Kate’s pink christening outfit as the skirt was too short for my taste], but I agree with you. I bet Will loved it.

My favorite 2019 moment was the Christmas Tree Stand visit with the green sweater and red jacket. It was soooo Christmassy.

The Opera House visit was another 2019 highlight for me. Other event highlights would include the Chelsea Flower Show visit (and the garden!), particularly the wrecking ball pic (which I hated at first, but then it grew on me). The loser spoon at the regatta was another highlight. The impromptu stop during the Pakistan trip where they hung out with locals was another (including the pics and the goat!). The dog shelter [another mistake as it was a military dog center] visit during the same tour was great.

Other dress highlights would include the white and green and white outfits she wore during the Pakistan tour, the black McQueen she wore during the diplomatic dinner, the regatta shorts, and the blue outfit at Wimbledon.

KP had some real hits in 2019. The Wimbledon visits where Kate first sat in the stands with friends and then arrived with Pippa were brilliant. The arrival pic in Pakistan was crazy good. The first day of school photo op was lovely. Their photographs are a lot better and they are using more video, which is great. They ‘re also a little cheeky in their pics now, which I love. They not only put up the “wrecking ball” pic, they also put up the George “pudding stabbing” video, and Kate’s “Elf Workshop” pic.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B6diw3BlYzr/

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5sZgH7FqlJ/

As you guys know, I really hated the wrecking ball when it came out, but I’ve come around and now I appreciate this humorous undertone they’ve adopted. I feel like we are seeing more of their personality coming through.

There have been some fails, though. I hated the Ascot outfit. The Early Years “rollout” floundered and I feel they never properly explained what it was. I’m still not sure if it’s going to be an umbrella charity like Heads Together, a big crossover project like their mental health stigma campaign, or just an overarching theme for Kate’s ongoing work. Mind you, any of these would be great and I think the individual initiatives she has done (midwives, the forum, the gardens, the television specials, the new patronage) have been wonderful. I just felt they never properly explained what the heck Early Years was supposed to be and that has undermined the overall impact of the work. Also, the Christmas card was kind of meh and I’m on the fence about the Mary Berry special.

The biggest fail, however, was dealing with the Rose rumors. They overreacted and ended up adding fuel to the fire. It’s weird because they handled the ski trip drama perfectly, but completely dropped the ball on this one. 2019 was the year that proved that “never complain, never explain” is a wonderful motto.

Overall, however, it was a fantastic year for the Cambridges. I think they have become more confident and self-assured and they seem more willing to experiment. I’m very much looking forward to what they do next year.”

I’d also like to add Kate’s white grecian gown and the gray tweed suit to my 2019 favorites. Plus I’d like to add the tiny purses and the total clothing budget to the 2019 fails. Yes, I know Meghan spent more money on fewer appearances, but that was still too much money spent on clothes.

[choicesfanatic86]

TTS: Part 48

DISCLAIMER:  All characters belong to Pixelberry Studios, except characters unique to my story.  Those belong to me. ;)

PAIRINGS:  Riley (MC) x OC, Riley (MC) x Liam, Liam x Riley (MC) x OC, Olivia x Drake, Bertrand x Savannah, Maxwell x OC

SUMMARY:  Riley & Andy chat about their love lives.

If you are new to the series and would like to catch up by reading previous parts, please check out my master fan fiction listing.  CATCH UP HERE

Permanent Tag List:  @umccall71 @drakelover78 @jamielea81 @bobasheebaby @speedyoperarascalparty @hopefulmoonobject @theroyalweisme @gardeningourmet @jlouise88 @hamulau @traeumerinwitzhelden @blackcatkita @mrs-simmy @kaitycole @alwaysthebestchoice @mfackenthal @trr-duchessofvaltoria @pbchoicesobsessed @alepowell @greyeyedsmile14 @annekebbphotography @princesaakl

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5/13/2019 - Ya’ll there is no excuse for how long I’ve been gone.  Life got crazy and unfortunately my Choices obsession had to take a backseat.  I’m back and writing again, and I’m so excited to rejoin the community and give you closure to the pieces I’ve had up, and introduce you to some new pieces as well.  I still love Choices and plan on getting updated on all the new stories too!

Thanks for all the feedback.  I LOVE IT. :)

Part 48 -  Girl Talk

Riley awoke with a small smile across her lips.  Had last night really happened?  Maybe she should pinch herself to make sure she wasn’t still dreaming?  Nope, not a dream.  She chuckled to herself.  How on earth did Liam always manage to sweep her off her feet?  She had been wary to make the trek back to Cordonia.  Okay, he had been more than wary, she had been downright reluctant to ever set foot in the country again.  She’d had her heart broken twice there, and she wasn’t in the market to have it happen a third time.  And although she woke with a sense of peace for the first time in months, she, admittedly, still had a whole lot of worry lingering inside of her.  But, just as he always did, Liam went far beyond any of her expectations.  First the office, then his impromptu visit and his talk of wooing her again – it wasn’t what she had expected at all.  She had been so certain that all they could ever be together again was co-parents, yet, here he was changing trying to change her mind yet again.  Could this really work?  Was this finally her second chance?  Could they finally have the happily ever after that she had so desperately wanted back when they first met?  She shook her head, trying to bring herself back to reality.  Her life would be forever different now.  Her wants, her needs, none of it mattered because she had an entirely new focus to think about now.  Her only focus was the health and safety of their lima bean.

Her hand drifted down toward her belly, grazing the still unnoticeable bump.  She rolled over in bed and paused for a moment, waiting for the familiar feeling of nausea to come over her . . . but there was nothing.  That was odd.  Most days she was awoken by the rumbling sensation of nausea deep within her stomach, but today there was nothing except butterflies - the good kind.  Her mind drifted back to Liam once more, and she released a sigh.  The evening spent with Liam played back in her head.  A courtship?  The idea alone caused a shiver down her spine.  It wasn’t traditional . . . at least not by any sort of American terms, and she wondered what exactly Liam had in mind.  As she recalled, dating in Cordonia was lavish, and while she admitted the exciting rendezvous she went on with Liam when they first met took her breath away, it was highly impractical to go along those lines of dating given the current situation they found themselves in.  After all, they weren’t just dating to see if they liked each other and to have fun.  It was dating to see if they could have a future together.  Talk about a lot of pressure.  Would she be ready to commit to the future with him?  Truly commit?  A life forever bound to Cordonian culture and society?  A life as queen?  She mentally chided herself.  Mere moments ago she was in a state of euphoria, and now here she was thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong.  She shook her head, pushing the uncertainties out of her mind for the time being.  All she could do was take things one day at a time.  They had four weeks.  Four weeks to give their relationship another chance.  She wasn’t going to think about any of the what ifs or maybes until then.

She ambled down the staircase slowly, the smell of something delicious making its way out of the kitchen.  The fact that she hadn’t woken with the nagging feeling of nausea was something to celebrate in itself.  The fact that she suddenly had an appetite was an added bonus.  She quickly wandered into the kitchen, mouth salivating.  

She spotted Andy putting on a pot of coffee as music blared from her iPhone.  She shimmied around the kitchen like she owned it, dancing along without a care in the world.  Riley could barely contain the smile on her face.  She looked absolutely ridiculous, but she also looked happier than she had ever seen her.  What more could she have wished for her best friend?

“Good morning, Future Mrs. Beaumont,” Riley sing-songed loudly over the blaring music.  “Someone is up bright and early this morning,” she teased her.

Andy jumped a little, throwing a hand to her chest.  “You scared the crap out of me,” she gasped.  “What are you doing up so early?”

Riley shrugged.  “I heard some movement down here and figured I’d see who was up,” she smiled.  “Little did I know that the Future Mrs. Beaumont was up and about dancing her way through the kitchen,” she teased.

Andy beamed at Riley, as she turned to the coffee pot that had just chimed.  “I love the way that sounds,” she sighed contently as she poured herself a cup of coffee.  “You need to call me that all the time, okay?” She chuckled.  “I still can’t believe it,” she grinned widely as she continued to flutter around the kitchen.  “Being engaged has me feeling so . . . domestic,” she laughed.  

“Apparently,” Riley agreed, her head turning toward all the dishes.  “My gosh,” Riley looked around the full countertops.  Andy must have been up for hours already.  There were dishes of pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, waffles and even some grits bubbling on the stove.  Andy had even managed to whip up a batch of sweet tea.  In all the time that she had known and lived with Andy, she had never showed that she had a domestic bone in her body.  She could barely pick up after herself let alone make an entire meal by herself.  “You did all of this?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she said excitedly.  “I wanted to call my parents at a decent hour in New York time,” she explained.  “Then once I had, I just couldn’t stop talking,” she exclaimed giddily.  “I chatted with mom for over an hour about wedding plans.  Did you know that my sneaky fiancé had my parents in on the whole thing!” She squealed.

Riley’s eyes widened in surprise as she shook her head.  “I didn’t.” She hadn’t actually been privy to the fact that there was about to be an engagement at all.  The last she knew, Bertrand had talked him out of proposing.  Then again, that had been months ago.  It amazed her that Maxwell had kept such a life-changing decision a secret, especially from her.  But it certainly didn’t surprise her that Maxwell had opted to include Andy’s parents in his plan.  Family was something very important to him, and considering that his own parents were long gone, she could certainly see why he would want Andy’s parents to be involved.  After all, they would become his parents, too, once they got married.  “How on earth did he manage that?”

“He took their numbers from my phone,” she explained.  “He’s such a sly dog,” she chuckled.  “Well, you can imagine what an awkward telephone call that was considering that I’d only just told them about him a few weeks prior,” she mused.  “He ended up meeting with them while we were in New York!  Can you believe that?” She asked.  “I mean, I was so distracted with everything that was going on with you and the baby that I didn’t realize he was off schmoozing with the parentals,” she said merrily.  “My parents didn’t say a single thing,” she murmured.

“Well, aren’t proposals supposed to be a surprise?” Riley asked.

“Yes, well if that was the intent, he most certainly nailed it,” she gushed.  

“How did they react to the news?”  Riley asked.  Andy’s parents were well-to-do New Yorkers, but they weren’t the least bit snooty.  They were relatively open-minded and supported Andy in every endeavor she had . . . even if her decisions were a bit off the wall at times.

“As any parent would I suppose,” she shrugged.  “Mom told me they were a bit surprised about how quickly our relationship had been progressing, but she admitted that Maxwell was absolutely endearing.  He even made a whole presentation as to why he would be the best suited life partner for me,” she sighed dreamily.  “Mom said it was adorable.  He had the ring with him and everything.  He told them that he wanted them to feel like they were a part of the whole thing, even though they’d be back in New York when it actually did happen.  Mom said they were so worried at first since he seemed a bit . . . eccentric, but in true Maxwell form, he won them over with his charm,” she said a bit wistfully.

“And your dad?” Riley asked

“Dad thought he was insane!” Andy laughed.  “But he said he could tell that Maxwell was an honest guy who really did care about me.  It helped that Maxwell tried to butter him up with the offer to take him fishing when they finally made it out to Cordonia.”

“Does Maxwell even know the first thing about fishing?” Riley asked.

“He knows absolutely nothing,” Andy laughed.  “He was just so desperate to make some sort of connection with my father that he fudged his way through.  Of course, my father saw through him right away.  He said that any man that would go through so much trouble to pretend he liked fishing had to have it bad for his daughter.  So, when he asked for their blessing, he found it rather hard to tell him no,” she murmured.

“I’m sure,” Riley nodded in agreement.  “He’s a pretty difficult guy to turn down,” she said thoughtfully.  Riley couldn’t help it, but she started to get misty-eyed over the entire thing.  Maxwell and Andy were going to have such an amazing life together.  She just knew it.  She admitted that when they first got together, she was a tad bit wary.  Maxwell had just come back into her life, and she was worried that if things soured between him and Andy, she’d be forced to choose between the two, and she hated to admit it, but her roommate had the upper hand.  But after only a few days in, she knew there was something different about their relationship.  They both genuinely seemed to care for one another, and it was apparent, that the connection went far deeper than just a casual fling.  Still, she couldn’t believe that her two best friends were settling down - with one another no less.  Who knew that it would only take a plane ride and a few thousand miles for their love connection to happen?

“Hey, no crying,” Andy admonished.

“These are happy tears, I promise,” Riley said, wiping the tears from her eyes.  “I can’t control these damn hormones,” she chuckled lightly.  “I’m just so excited for you guys,” she murmured.  “It’s been a whirlwind, hasn’t it?” Riley commented.  Thinking back on everything that happened over the last few months, things had changed tremendously.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” Andy said as she placed a glass of water in front of Riley and sat next to her.  “I can’t imagine going through all of this without you,” she smiled lightly . Riley forced a small smile out.  She didn’t want to remind Andy that she didn’t know how long she’d be staying in Cordonia.  She didn’t want her friend to get her hopes up that this was a permanent move.  “So? Any wedding plans?  Did you guys set a date or anything?” Riley asked, taking a sip out of a glass of water.

Andy shook her head.  “We’re hoping for a long engagement,” she explained.  “I want my parents to be able to fly up here and get to know Maxwell, and I also want to be a bit more settled as a couple in our own space before we get married.  The house won’t be ready for a while, but I don’t really like the idea of being newlyweds with Bertrand lurking around at every corner,” she cringed at the thought.

Riley could relate thinking back to Bertrand chaperoning her date night with Liam.  She knew that his protectiveness came from a place of love, but she couldn’t help but think that he was also being rather overbearing.  Even her own parents hadn’t been as apprehensive about what she did.  Bertrand took protectiveness to a whole new level.  “Yeah, tell me about it,” she rolled her eyes.  “Liam stopped by last night, and Bertrand was like a guard dog.  You know, he actually had the audacity to require me to leave the door open.  He acted like we were a bunch of horny teenagers who were about to jump each other at any given second.”

Andy laughed.  “Well . . . can you blame him?  You did lock yourself in your bedroom last time around for days on end,” she eyed Riley suggestively.

“Shut up,” Riley frowned.

“It’s just such a Bertrand thing to do,” she said in between side-splitting chuckles.  “He’s delusional to think that things can’t happen when the door his open,” she snickered.

Riley blushed a little.  “Liam and I aren’t even at that point . . . in our . . . thing,” she sighed.  She didn’t really know how to explain the dynamic between them.  Their conversation last night hadn’t exactly solidified anything between them except that they would court one another for four weeks.

“Thing?” Andy arched an eyebrow.  “Girl, you’re having his baby, you two are way more than just a thing,” she added knowingly.

Riley let out an exasperated sigh.  “I don’t really understand what we are right now,” she said with a slight blush.  “He kind of threw me a curveball last night.”

“Ooooh, do tell,” Andy leaned closer to her eagerly.

“So, as you know, he came over last night . . .” Riley trailed off.

“And?” Andy leaned even closer.

“And, he wants to try and court me,” Riley said simply.

Andy snapped back with a look of confusion on her face.  “Court you?  What is he ninety?  That sounds like something out of a 1950s show.” Andy burst into a fit of giggles.  “You realize how lame that sounds right?” She gasped out in between laughs.  “You’re joking.  You guys are way beyond courting.  You’re about to have a kid.  He needs to put a ring on it and seal the deal.”

“Will you stop and be serious for a minute?  This is a big deal, okay?  I’m not sure if I’m ready to do a whole courtship thing,” Riley admitted quietly.

“Well yeah, I mean, courtships are a thing of the past.”  Andy crinkled her nose.

Riley couldn’t help but roll her eyes.  “Look, things are complicated right now, and I know we need to figure out what the heck we’re going to do about our future, but the idea of a courtship is kind of . . . intimidating, ” Riley shrugged.  “I need your advice.”

Andy looked at her.  “I’m not exactly a dating expert, Riley.  You of all people should know that.  Pre-Maxwell, I bounced from relationship to relationship.  I mean, I never even thought I’d be remotely close to settling down until I met him.  I used to rely on things like Tinder to find guys, and those relationships never exactly ended well,” she mused.  “Nowadays, no one does the whole dating with a purpose thing,” she reasoned.  “Welcome to the generation of random hook ups and STDs,” Andy snorted.  “I didn’t really think about finding my life partner, you know?  I mean, at our age, who really thinks about settling down with the whole white picket fence.  But I met Maxwell, and then, something changed.  I mean, yeah at first, I kind of thought, well, he’s just going to be my random European hook up that I think back on when I’m in my fifties wondering if I ever did anything adventurous in my life . . . but then, I don’t know.  We started hanging out and actually started to get to know one another, and . . . well, I fell for him.  These guys . . . they were raised differently than us.  Yes, there are so many rules . . . so many freaking rules about proper etiquette and manners, but that’s what made them who they are you know?  You found a guy who actually wants to take the time to court you,” she raised her hands in quotation marks.  “As ridiculous and old-fashioned as it sounds, that’s way better than some random douchebag trying to slide into your DMs,” she reasoned.  

Riley chuckled a little.  She was right.  Gone were the days of guys opening doors and bringing flowers on the first date.  She knew very well that guys like Liam were hard to come by, which is why she fell so crazy in love with him the first time around.

“So, are you actually going to go along with it?” Andy asked.

Riley nodded slowly.  “I told him that I would,” she sighed.  “Do you think that’s the wrong decision?” she asked, suddenly feeling so uncertain.

Andy paused thoughtfully.  “I can’t make that decision for you, Ri.”

“I know that.  But I want your opinion.  Do you think I made the wrong choice?  What if this whole thing blows up in my face?  Maybe co-parenting was the way safer option for us.  I mean, what the heck do I know about courtships?”

Andy shook her head fervently.  “Riley, just stop for a second.  Breathe.  No.  Co-parenting was so not going to work with you two.  You guys have too much history.  Honestly  . . . as stupid as courting is . . . I think that saying yes to it was the first smart decision you’ve made . . . well a part from moving back here,” she nudged her as she took a sip from her coffee cup.  “Hey, maybe this is a good thing,” she reasoned.  “Your ‘courtship’ might actually teach you guys how to actually communicate with one another instead of jumping to conclusions all the time,” she teased.

Riley threw her hand up to her chest in mock indignation.  “Ouch.”

“Just being real,” Andy said, waggling her eyebrows.  “So after you agreed to the courtship, did Casanova spend the night?  Please tell me you at least fooled around a bit.”

“Oh my God, you’re too much,” Riley shook her head.  “Yes, Andy we fooled around so much with Bertrand pacing right outside the door,” she snorted as she rolled her eyes.

“Like I said, things can still happen with the door open,” Andy winked at her.

“Stop being so crude.  We don’t have overnight privileges,” Riley assured her.  “He was a perfect gentleman who came with the best of intentions,” she said.

Andy snorted as she poured herself another cup of coffee.  “Right, and it was those gentlemanly intentions that got you in trouble,” she motioned to Riley’s stomach.  “But then again, it’s not like he can knock you up again if he let those gentlemanly intentions slide for a night.”

Riley sighed as she shook her head.  “We are nowhere near that point in this courtship thing.  Even though I can’t get pregnant again, sex will still complicate things.  Emotions get involved and it gets messy.  I just . . . I just don’t have the luxury to be careless anymore.  Not when I have the baby to think about.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, Ri.  You know I’m just messing with you right?  I’m still on my engagement high and just want you to be happy, too,” she nudged her shoulder.  “So when does this courtship begin?”

“Today.” Riley answered.

Andy choked a bit on her coffee. “Wow, he certainly doesn’t waste any time,” she mused.

“Well . . . that’s the thing . . . we’re kind of working on a specific timeline,” she explained.

Andy arched an eyebrow.  “Explain,” she said simply.

“He wants me to give him four weeks to see if our relationship can be salvaged,” she began.  “So, I said I would try it out for the four weeks.”  She shrugged.  “I mean, I’m going to be here anyway, and he’s been really trying.  The least I can do is give it a shot for the lima bean’s sake.”

“And after four weeks?” Andy asked hopefully.

“And after four weeks,” Riley paused.  “I don’t know,” she furrowed her eyebrows.  “He did say that if I don’t think our relationship will work out, he won’t pressure me anymore about staying in Cordonia.  He’ll let me go back to New York and raise the baby how I want.  I mean, I guess if it doesn’t work out, we’ll just go along with the original plan of co-parenting and just move on with our lives.”

Andy grunted in disapproval.  “Yeah, right.”

“What?” Riley asked.

“You will never just move on, Riley.  Not when a baby is involved.  No matter what, that baby is half Liam’s, and no matter how much you want to believe you’ll be able to move on with your life and co-parent like it’s no big deal, it won’t work.”

Riley sat up a bit indignantly in her chair.  “What are you talking about?  Why won’t it work?”

“Because you’re head over heels crazy about this guy.  I know it.  Maxwell knows it.  Bertrand knows it.  Liam knows it.  The only person who is fighting this is you,” she smiled sadly.

Riley paused, considering her words for a moment.  Riley was so up in the air about everything, and the damn pregnancy hormones were making things worse.  “I’ve really made a mess of things, haven’t I?” She said sadly.  

Andy shook her head.  “Oh, Ri.  I didn’t want to make you feel bad.  It’s hard to maneuver through something like this.  I mean, I wish I could give you a textbook answer that would apply to this scenario, but I can’t.  I can’t imagine going through what you’re going through,” she admitted.  “I know I’ve been just as pushy as the guys about you and Liam, but I want you to know that no matter what happens, you’ve got me, okay?  I’m always going to have your back.”

“I know,” Riley nodded confidently.  “Same for me as well,” she offered.

“Look, I didn’t want to kill the mood.  I just want you to go into this courtship thing with eyes wide open.  Give the guy a chance.  Let loose a little,” she placed a hand on her shoulder, willing Riley to look at her.  “I know you’re scared, and I know there are a whole lot of things that need to be figured out, but please, just give him a chance, okay?  For him to take the risk of you going back to New York with the baby . . . he must have a whole lot of faith and love invested in this relationship.”

Of that Riley was fairly certain.  Liam had made it very clear that he loved her and their little lima bean.  She wanted desperately to believe that things will work out.  Andy was right.  She needed to give things a fair shot and she needed to open herself up to the idea of the three of them being a family.  “No, it’s okay.  Maybe I needed the tough love,” she shrugged, smiling sadly.  Riley took a strong whiff in the air around her, and changed gears for a second.  “What’s that smell?” She felt hunger pains rumbling around in her stomach, and it was a welcome sensation.  She had gotten distracted with their conversation and had forgotten about the hunger pangs she had awoken with.  She hadn’t had much of an appetite in weeks, but something Andy had cooked proved to be too much of a temptation to resist.

“Oh crap,” Andy said, jumping out of her chair.  I forgot I left the croissants in the oven,” she said, running over to the stove.  “I’ll never hear the end of it from Bertrand if I somehow burn down his kitchen,” she muttered.  “I’m sorry, I know all sorts of smells are ten times worse now that you’re pregnant,” Andy apologized.  She looked around the kitchen, her eyes wandering over the multitude of plates and dishes.  “Ugh,” she cringed.  “I know all this stuff must be making you feel absolutely nauseated, she frowned.  “I honestly didn’t think you’d be up for at least another hour, so I figured it would be safe to get all of this cooking done before you woke up.  I can open the windows to let the smell fade out,” she offered.

“Actually . . . I don’t want to jinx anything, but I think today is going to be a good day,” she said hopefully.  

“Really?” Andy asked skeptically as she pulled the croissants off the baking pan. “That will be like the first day since you found out you were knocked up,” she mused.  “Maybe your spawn is happy to be back in the land of his conception,” she laughed.

Riley narrowed her eyes at her best friend.  “That’s not funny,” she whined.  Admittedly, the same thought had run through Riley’s head when she had first woken up.  She thought that the change of scenery and timezone might have forced her body to reset itself.  

“Well, whatever it is, I hope it sticks,” she crossed her fingers and waved them in front of Riley’s face as she passed by to pull out a couple of plates.  “Dare I ask if you’d like some?”

“Well, I mean, I’ve only been starving for the last few weeks,” Riley chuckled.  “Plus, it’d be a tragedy if I let Maxwell and Bertrand eat all of this food all by themselves,” she motioned around her.

Andy laughed and started putting some bacon on her plate.  “Everything but the eggs?” Andy asked.

“Actually . . . the eggs smell sort of delicious,” Riley said thoughtfully.

Andy looked at her in surprise.  Riley hated eggs.  It had been a food aversion she had developed when she was a kid.  She wasn’t sure what it was about it that made her hate it, but eggs were just never that appealing for her.  It didn’t matter how it was cooked – fried, boiled, baked . . . it didn’t matter.  Eggs were just not her thing.  “You’re joking?” Andy asked.

“I wish,” she shook her head.  “Mind if I have some?”

“Are you sure that’s such a good idea?  What if you . . . ya know . . . upchuck it?” She asked hesitantly.

“Gross,” Riley wrinkled her nose in disgust.  “Can we not talk about upchucking when I’m not nauseous for the first time in weeks,” she sighed.  

“I just don’t want you getting a bout of that hyperemesis stuff and have you wind up in a Cordonian hospital,” she explained.  “Especially since you know what,” she said as she motioned to her stomach “isn’t exactly common knowledge.”

Riley sighed.  She knew Andy was right.  Just because she was feeling a bit better, didn’t mean that she should push it.  Winding up in the hospital in New York wasn’t exactly newsworthy.  Landing herself in the hospital here with Liam undoubtedly by her side, yeah, that would be front page news.  She wasn’t exactly ready for a media storm just yet, especially with things so up in the air about their relationship.  

“Ugh, you’re right.  Just a little of everything and no eggs.  The last thing I want is to feel queasy before my  date with Liam,” Riley finally acquiesced.

“Speaking of your date, where is he taking you?”

Riley shrugged.  “I’m actually not sure.  “We agreed that he’d pick me up around eleven . . . but that’s all I pretty much know,” she explained as she started to dig into her food.

“I like that he’s keeping it mysterious,” Andy said thoughtfully.  “It shows that he really wants to make things special for you,” she said cheerfully.

Riley nodded in agreement.  “I never really thought of it like that,” she smiled.  “You’re right, you know.  I really need to give him a chance.”

“Well, duh,” Andy said.  “Don’t you know I’m always right,” she said, trying to keep a straight face.

The two ate in silence for several minutes, before Riley looked at her best friend and smiled softly.   “Andy?”  Riley asked quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.  For talking me off the ledge earlier,” she smiled softly.  “I know it sucks to get wrapped up in all of this chaos, especially when you’re about to embark on one of the most exciting times of your life with Maxwell,” Riley said.  “So I appreciate you being here for me . . . for us,” she trailed off.

“Of course, I mean, you’d do the same for me right?” Andy said honestly.

Just as Riley was about to agree, the doorbell chimed from the main entrance.  Riley’s eyes bulged as she looked at the clock.  “Oh no, he’s like two hours early,” she said as she jumped out of her seat.  “I’m not even ready.  I still have morning breath and bed head,” she exclaimed.

“Go on and get ready,” Andy laughed.  “I’ll stall him with all this food,” she motioned around her.  “Men can’t say no to food,” she reasoned.

Riley smiled at her friend, kissing her on the cheek.  “Best friend ever,” she exclaimed happily as she ran out of the kitchen.

“And please, do something with your hair!” Andy called after her.

[kinosternon]

Equivalence: The Story So Far

So, one of the people who have stuck with Equivalence for a reeeally long time (it's almost 4 years old! How?) recommended that I write out chapter summaries to remind people of what happened in previous chapters.

The story's gotten really long and more than a little convoluted, so it helped me to write things out, too. (I tried to keep things short, but...well.)

So without further ado, here’s what’s happened!

 1. The monsters come to the surface, and start learning about what's different there—particularly, the cold and the sky. Grillby starts some bonfires and sets up a barbecue. Toriel steps in to keep things organized when Asgore isn't up to the task alone. Frisk enjoys an impromptu sleepover and cuddle party. 

2. The monsters see their first sunrise. Asgore asks Frisk to be an ambassador, and then Toriel asks if they want to leave. They aren't sure about Asgore's request, but they decide to stay. Some monsters are discovered to be slightly translucent aboveground, at least temporarily. Frisk helps Napstablook find Mettaton so he doesn't get walked through. Undyne, Sans, and Papyrus try to introduce the monsters to the nearby town's city hall. Frisk goes shopping with Toriel in the human town, and decides to make spaghetti for Papyrus. 

3. A town has popped up out of nowhere by the time Frisk returns—though they're just magic houses, and will need to be rebuilt if they're going to last for very long. Toriel confesses to keeping Frisk out of the way during the construction for their own safety. Frisk makes spaghetti, but unfortunately it's too solid to agree with Papyrus, or most of the rest of the monsters for that matter. Toriel makes them monster pie in consolation. 

4. Time passes, and the monsters rebuild the city the real way this time. Toriel starts doing PR for the human town. Alphys confesses her involvement in Mettaton's rise to stardom, and accompanying secret confinement. She explains that he's planning to live more openly. Undyne comes home upset, and explains that some secret sect of monsters want to ban humans from entering the city. Frisk becomes worried that they'll be seen as a kidnapping victim, or else be forced to leave their friends. 

5. Asgore offers Frisk formal Ebott Town citizenship, and Frisk immediately accepts. Asgore hires Toriel for her services after she delivers an ultimatum. Frisk accompanies Asgore and some of their other friends to the underground to do some monster-based PR work. Parts of the underground are falling into disrepair with so many of their inhabitants gone. Frisk has an odd conversation with the River Person steering their ferry, and receives some magic mushrooms and some odd advice. 

6. Frisk offers the Snowman Piece back to the Snowman, but they ask them to keep it with them until they're safely moved to the surface. The plight of monsters who don't want to move to the surface right away, or who can't, is discussed. Frisk finds the Nacarat Jester fallen down in the abandoned Snowdin Town, and calls in Sans as backup. Papyrus and Asgore (and, a little bit, Sans) take the lead in getting Frisk home. Between the abandoned regions and what happened to Nacarat, Frisk starts to regret the damage they've done to the monster community by breaking the barrier. 

7. Toriel bakes with Frisk to cheer them up, but Frisk starts having nightmares and questioning their right to stay in the monster town. Frisk refuses Toriel's offer to stay home with them, and decides to visit Napstablook instead.

8. Frisk hangs out with Napstablook and learns about the latest developments in his music. Mettaton comes, and the three of them have a conversation about pronouns. Mettaton takes Frisk away to his mansion and engages in some aggressive comforting measures, and he makes Frisk promise to tell him if they ever decide to leave the ones they love behind. 

9. Undyne POV chapter. Asgore negotiates with "Mr. J," who's been put in the role of a kind of monster liaison; they prepare for an oncoming blizzard and compare notes on magical knowledge, anime, and the Internet. Undyne meets Mr. J's ward (Nat), who is afraid of the snow. 

10. Back to Frisk, whose mental health (anxiety in particular) has picked up in light of recent events. Toriel sends them out after the blizzard to play in an attempt to cheer them up. Frisk scopes out the snowman's future home...and sees a human (Nat) climbing the mountain, not so far from where they themselves fell. Frisk chases him, but they're abducted by a River Person before they can reach him. Frisk tries to follow, but collapses instead. 

11. Sans POV. While on patrol, Sans runs into Monster Kid (or technically the other way around), who spotted Frisk while sledding. He uses his shortcuts to teleport over and saves them, but takes them back to Asgore instead of Toriel by mistake. Kid gathers the others, and they try to help Frisk. Word comes in to Asgore that another human child was found on the edge of town. 

12. The other child (Nat) is taken to Grillby's and fed and warmed up. Frisk wakes up, and explains what they saw. They wants on going down to talk with the River People, to get to the bottom of things, but most of their friends, and especially Toriel and Asgore, argue they should stay put. Frisk tells Mettaton that they're going to leave that night anyway. 

13. Frisk sneaks out of Toriel's house and into the Underground. They convince the River Person steering the ferry to take them to their hometown. They meet a River Person who claims that she was once a human and Frisk that their death is imminent...at least, if they continue living on the surface. 

14. The River Person explains the history of the humans who were never found and killed by monsters. Over the years, they were found by the River People, and kept in hiding in their town. However, monster food can't sustain humans' physical bodies, only heal them. Some eventually died, unable to come to terms with the loss of a living body; others survived, but were forever changed, like this River Person herself. Every human who's fallen into the Underground has ultimately grown dependent on the magic there to stay alive. She also explains that this is why the River People have been anonymously petitioning to keep all humans out of the city; they can't explain why without revealing the existence of undead refugees, and fear the deaths of humans after visiting will begin the war once again. Frisk agrees to explain to Asgore the importance of keeping humans outside Ebott Town for as long as possible. The River Person gives Frisk another ration of mushrooms, some frank advice, and a bit of comfort in her own way, before seeing them off back home. Sans catches them on their way back and takes them home. 

15. Aboveground, Frisk almost convinces Sans to take them straight to Asgore, but Undyne finds them first and insists on taking them straight to Toriel. Frisk asks if the human child is okay, and Undyne agrees to check in on them. Toriel is very upset with Frisk, and assigns Sans as a bodyguard/babysitter for them. When she tries to ask where Frisk went, Frisk panics and starts a battle with her, but ends it when Toriel refuses to fight. They break down and promise to take Sans with them if they have to go somewhere else again. 

16. Frisk takes a long nap and starts figuring out what they can say to who to keep both the humans and the monsters safe, and they and Sans go to visit Alphys. They spend the day watching anime, but Undyne doesn't come home, and Alphys hadn't heard about Frisk running off, so Frisk just asks her to analyze one of their mushrooms. Undyne comes back while Alphys is getting actual work done, and reports to Frisk (and, incidentally, Sans) that the human child was hospitalized the night before. She demands more information, and Frisk explains that they heard rumors that visiting monsters kills humans, and Sans connects the dots. 

17.  Asgore's POV, slight step backwards in timeline. Asgore leaves for the human village without Undyne (who's out looking for Frisk), and finds out that the human child was hospitalized the night before for hypothermia—a mysteriously delayed reaction from his time on the mountain. Undyne rejoins him in time for them to talk with Mr. J and his ward, and apologize. The child forgives them immediately, but the incident raises questions about Frisk's presence—and their safety—in Ebott Town. 

18. Back to Frisk. Sans begins babysitting, and Asgore comes by to tell them they're to stay in hiding until he can straighten things out with the humans...unless they want to go back. When he suggests that it might be a good idea, for Frisk's own safety and the sake of diplomacy, Frisk panics and starts having physical symptoms as well. Sans protects Frisk from Asgore using magic, and calms them down. Frisk then explains why leaving is a terrible idea, and the story they heard from the River People. They tell Toriel as well. 

19. Frisk moves back into the Underground ruins with Toriel (and Sans), and starts deteriorating anyway. They have a number of visitors. Sans brings by decorations in preparation for the holidays, as well as some food for Frisk. They're disappointed when they discover that it's human food; their body is craving the magic of monster food. They discuss the future of monsters and humans, and Sans agrees to smuggle Frisk monster food every once in a while. 

20. Frisk continues to get worse, and starts having nightmares regularly. They overhear Asgore and Toriel arguing over what to do about Frisk and the humans. Frisk gets a letter from the human child. When Undyne comes to visit, and after Frisk explains some things about Christmas, she discovers that not only is Frisk becoming emaciated, scars from their past battles with monsters are appearing all over their body. 

21. Undyne, Toriel, Asgore, and Alphys start intense research to save Frisk. Frisk asks Alphys to stop, because it's having a negative effect on her mental health and Frisk is worried for her safety. They explain to the others what they've asked of her, but falls ill shortly thereafter, and doesn't recover. They're worried about upsetting their friends, but Sans asks them to look after themself instead. 

22. Toriel's POV. Gerson determines that the problem is that Frisk's body is slowly dying in its delayed attempts to recover from Frisk's starvation and injuries in the Underground. Toriel and the others do their best to take it well. Sans takes her out to Grillby's in the evening, and tries to convince her that what's happening to Frisk isn't her fault. Sans has his own take on the situation, and admits that he thinks Frisk's fate might be inevitable. 

23. Frisk becomes bedridden. Mettaton comes to visit with a plethora of (early) Christmas gifts. Frisk apologizes for the fact that they're dying, and says that they don't blame everyone any more than anyone blames them. After Mettaton leaves, Frisk finds a recording of his latest concert; he dedicated the last song of his set to Frisk. Sans asks Frisk to reset the timeline and try to do a speed-run through the Underground, so they don't have time to starve before leaving. Frisk doesn't want to lose the friendships they've made and the monsters' happiness, so they refuse. 

24. Sans POV. Frisk falls down. Sans calls in everyone to try to save them, and is about to use a defibrillator that he and Alphys built when Alphys stops him, because she notices that Frisk is still breathing normally, despite heart failure. She argues that the best thing to do is wait for Frisk to wake up, and Sans turns on her, bringing up her past to use against her before Papyrus finally stops him. Alphys breaks down and Sans leaves, and Papyrus goes out to collect him, bring him home, and tell him off, and offer his own words of comfort. 

25. Slight jump back in time, Undyne's point of view. Sans leaves Frisk's room, and Papyrus apologizes on Sans's behalf and goes after him. Asgore considers going to meet with the humans, and Toriel tells him he's in no condition to do so (and also to get out of her house). Toriel thanks a tearful Alphys for her help, and then Undyne carries her home, makes her tea, and shouts her into feeling better about things as best she can. 

26. Mettaton POV. Late in the day of Frisk's collapse, he (finally) gets word of Frisk's state from Asgore, and is asked to attend a meeting with some of the monsters in charge of human research and negotiations. Frisk's state (basically, magically-extended refeeding syndrome and physical trauma, ending in coma and heart failure) is explained by Gerson and the scientists. The River Person Frisk spoke to explains what she knows about the extended effects of the monster lifestyle on (once-)living humans. The conversation comes around to the point that without doing tests, it's impossible to know the degree to which monster food is (indirectly) dangerous to humans. Sans points out that all they can do is share their knowledge with the humans, and Mettaton volunteers to do some online PR work, and asks about Frisk after the meeting. 

27. Alphys POV, a week or two after Frisk's collapse. Alphys prepares to attend an unofficial test that Mr. J has volunteered for, to determine the extent of monster food's healing power and what happens afterwards. Undyne gives her a bit of a pep talk before she goes, and she meets the human child (Nat) and explains what the monster scientists are doing. Undyne introduces her to Mr. J and Nat as her girlfriend, and they chat until the tests start showing solid results. Alphys is spooked by being the one to spot Mr. J's returning (very mild) injury, and leaves the lab, only to be confronted by Sans, who surprisingly enough gives her a pretty satisfactory apology and promises to give her space unless and until she's comfortable being around him again. 

[izzielizzie]

can you do a kk fic where willa and maybeck talk about willa's breakup with philby - maybe they're in college - and maybeck makes some offhand comment about how he always had a crush on willa or something like that?

Maybeck hasn't seen Willa in ages. He's seen everyone else: Philby, Finn, Amanda, and Jess at the Imagineering school in California. And Charlene... well, she's been gracing every screen in the country. But Willa? Not her. Maybeck isn't sure if Willa chose to take the scholarship at Harvard because she wanted to, or if it was just a good way to get away from everything: Overtakers and ex boyfriends and more pain than any teenager should ever endure.

Even after all of their adventures, there are two things Maybeck can't stand: cold, and airplanes. Unfortunately, there are a lot of both in this trip.

He meets Willa near baggage claim in Loan Airport, shivering in his thin sweater and jeans, his carry on bag swung over one shoulder. He spots Willa before she spots him and he pauses for a moment to take in the girl he hasn’t seen in over four years. She’s rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet, her dark hair braided and swung over one shoulder, a green knit beanie placed on her head. Her black peacoat is open to reveal a black scarf and a cozy green knitted sweater with grey stripes, a pair of washed out grey jeans tucked into a pair of snow splattered Docs finishing off the ensemble. Her hands are in black fingerless gloves, wrapped around a cup of coffee.

Maybeck chuckles a little as he approaches her. Who knew it would take the frigid climate of Massachusetts to help Willa grow into herself? 

“Hey Willers,” Maybeck says, loping over to her. Willa turns towards him and grins when she sees him, launching herself into his arms. He hugs her back. She smells of cinnamon and nutmeg. She must have been baking.

“Maybeck! I can’t believe you’re here!” Willa says, stepping back and gripping his arms, looking him over. 

“Neither can I,” Maybeck says truthfully. The Kingdom Keepers are still as close as ever, but he and Willa have always been outliers, since he’s getting his masters in art history and teaching in Florida, and Willa is taking her gap year to study for the MCAT and work at a local school, teaching children about their mental and physical health. 

“You cut your hair!” 

Maybeck runs his hand over his freshly shorn hair. He’s not quite sure what prompted him to do so, but he kind of likes it.

“And you grew yours out,” he says. Willa giggles her soft giggle. At least that hasn’t changed. That and her scattered freckles and hazel eyes that look almost amber.

“I wanted a change,” Willa says with a shrug.

“Me too,” Maybeck says. Willa smiles at him again, but it’s a sad one. The five years they’ve lost is hanging between them, its weight almost tangible. 

“Well, you should,” Willa waves her hands around nervously. “Collect your bags and get them into my car.”

“Yes. Good idea Wills.”

Willa follows Maybeck as he picks up his suitcase.

“That’s all you brought?” Willa asks as she heads towards the right parking lot. 

“Ah well my shoe collection was three different suitcases and I figured you’d get annoyed at some point.”

Willa glances back at him with a grin. “There you are.”

Maybeck doesn’t ask what she means. He never really has to. Willa stops at an old car, something from the seventies or eighties, and unlocks it.

“Girl! This your car?” Maybeck asks incredulously. Willa rolls her eyes.

“No Maybeck. I unlock random cars for fun.”

Maybeck surveys the car. “Babe, hate to tell you this, but your car is a piece of shit.” It truly is. The paint is chipping, there’s a dent in the back, and one of the mirrors looks like it’s being held together with duct tape.

“Thanks,” Willa says calmly as she pops the truck. She tries to open it fully but it sticks. Maybeck snorts as he moves to her side, ignoring his incessant shivering to put his hands on the trunk and push up with Willa. It takes them a few moments, but with their strength they’re able to push it up. The momentum sends Willa falling towards the interior of the trunk, but Maybeck catches her in the nick of time. “Thanks,” she says again. She puts her hand on Maybeck’s arm and furrows her brow. “Please tell me you brought sweaters and jackets.”

Maybeck straightens her and shrugs. “I didn’t think it would be that cold,” he says. Willa sighs.

“Maybeck it’s in the middle of December. Are you crazy?”

Maybeck shrugs in what he hopes is a nonchalant manner, but probably just looks stiff and painful. Willa sighs again and lifts his suitcase into the trunk before slamming it shut. It bounces back open, and Willa groans before slamming it shut again. “Stay down,” she tells it menacingly. Thankfully, it obeys, and they both climb into the car, where it takes three tries for the car to start. “There’s no heating,” she informs him.

“Great,” he responds. Willa glances at him for a moment before switching the direction of her turning indicator. “Where are we going?” he asks.

“The mall. I’m buying you some sweaters.”

Maybeck doesn’t have the energy to protest.

Three hours and four stores later Willa and Maybeck are in the food court of the local mall. Everything is covered in laurel and holly and Santa hats, and something about being in a place where there’s actually cold and hot chocolate makes Maybeck actually excited about Christmas. No wonder Willa moved here and didn’t look back. The joy, the enthusiasm, the magic, it all screams Willa Angelo. 

Willa pokes at the salad in front of her, and Maybeck hands her a fry. She grins at him. At some point she wrapped her braid around her head in a crown, and Maybeck would be kidding himself if he said she didn’t look adorable. 

“So, how is everyone?” Willa asks. Maybeck had spent a week with his Aunt Jelly, two with the other Kingdom Keepers, and had hopped on two planes to get here to spend now through New Years with Willa. Her family is in Finland for the winter, and Maybeck can not, in good conscience, leave his best friend alone for the holidays.

Because that’s who Willa is. His best friend. Always has been, always will be. 

“Well, Jelly misses you. Says no one knows how to engage customers like you.” Willa glows at the praise, and she looks so damn beautiful Maybeck has to pause for a moment to catch his breath. “And Finn and Amanda are good. Madly in love.”

“As always.”

“As always,” Maybeck agrees. “Jess is good too, working on her art with Mattie, who she insists is only a friend.”

Willa scoffs. Mattie Weaver and Jess Lockhart are many things, but just friends is not one of them.

“And Charlene’s good too. She’s actually been cast in the live action version of Tinkerbell, but don’t tell anyone.”

Willa grins. “That’s great! Gosh I’m so proud of her!”

“We all are.” Maybeck pauses. There’s only one person left, and he’s not exactly someone Maybeck is fond of. “And Philby’s okay.”

There. There it is. The pain. Willa’s face betrays how much she misses Philby, and how hurt she still is that he dumped her unceremoniously the moment she got her Harvard acceptance letter. Because apparently, “long distance hardly works out”. Maybeck waits for Willa to ask about just how okay Philby is, or if he’s moved on to another girl, but she doesn’t. She’s not that type of person. Personally, Maybeck thinks that’s worse. At least obsessing over an ex helps move on from them at some point. But Willa’s keeping all her pain inside of her.

“Hey, Willa, you know you can talk to me if you want.”

Willa meets his eyes. “You’re sweet but I’m okay. He called me the other day actually.”

Wait what? “What did he say?”

“Nothing much really. Just that we haven’t seen each other in ages and he’s happy you’re staying with me.” Willa pauses and then grins. “And he’s gotten another cat.”

“You’re very excited for a dog person.”

“Ha.”

“You really don’t want to talk?”

“Maybeck,” Willa says in her drop the subject or else voice.

“Okay, okay, sorry. Now tell me, which one of my new sweaters screams ‘artist who models on the side’?”

This gets Willa laughing, and she dutifully goes through the shopping bags by their feet for the right sweater.

Twenty minutes later after pulled on the just right cream colored knitted turtleneck and black peacoat to match Willa’s, he says something that he wishes he’d said a long time ago.

“I kind of, sort of, definitely had a crush on you back then. Before you starting dating, you know, Ronald Weasley.” 

Willa looks back at him and smiles a little. There’s some awkward tension between them, and Maybeck kind of wishes he hadn’t said that. But it’s nice to see her smile again. She reaches back and hands him the pair of gloves they bought for him.

“I sort of maybe, kind of, did too,” she says calmly.

“You had a crush on yourself? Good for you girl.”

Willa laughs and the tension is gone. She wraps an arm around him, and he throws his arm over her shoulder. “On you stupid,” she mutters. Maybeck pretends not to hear her. 

Willa drops Maybeck’s suitcase on the floor of her apartment’s guest room/in-home office. Willa’s apartment is much nicer than her car, with white walls and white furniture with red accent pillows and throws and macramé planters hanging from the celling. It’s very Willa.

“I’ll be in the kitchen, come on out when you’re unpacked.”

Maybeck waits until Willa’s footsteps can be heard in the kitchen before he pulls open the front pocket of his suitcase and pulls out the dress he’d saved for five years. It’s Willa’s prom dress, the one she never got to go to because of Philby dumping her and their impromptu trip to the past. Maybeck had helped her sew it. They sat for hours in her room, fitting and pinning and ironing the green chiffon. With every hemmed stich and unfeeling smile, Maybeck had buried his sadness and heartbreak. Right until it was transferred into anger that night on Willa’s roof where she cried into his chest. Anger at himself for not speaking when he wanted to. Anger at Philby for hurting Willa. Anger at the world for breaking this already broken girl. 

Maybeck hides the dress behind his back as he makes his way to the kitchen. Unpacking can wait. 

“Wills?” he asks. Willa is facing away from him. She’s changed into a knitted turtleneck much like his and black leggings. Her hair is down, the dark waves cascading down her back. 

Willa turns and puts down the picture she is holding. Her eyes are red from tears, and she swipes at them quickly. Maybeck’s heat sinks. He knows who the subject of the picture is without looking. 

“Hey. Packed so soon? I was going to make hot chocolate. Want some? I bought marshmallows. I know you love them.”

Willa’s got a falsely cheerful voice to match her falsely cheerful face, and Maybeck’s heart sinks further.

“Yeah, sure but actually, I had something for you. An early Christmas present.”

“Oh Maybeck you didn’t have to,” Willa says, surprise etched on her face.

“I kind of did. I know there’s a Christmas party every year for students and you know, I kind of wanted you to wear something you never got to wear.”

Willa tilts her head, confused. “What is it?”

“Close your eyes and hold out your hands.”

Willa obliges, and Maybeck places the dress in her hands, the weight transferring from his to hers. She opens her eyes, looks down, and shrieks.

“Oh my gosh you didn’t. Maybeck you didn’t!”

“I did,” Maybeck confirms. Willa shrieks again and jumps into his arms for the second time that day.

“I adore you,” she says into his shoulder.

“I adore you too,” he assures her. She steps back and he misses her embrace.

“I’m so excited! Now we have to get you a suit to match!”

“Wait what?” Maybeck asks.

“Yeah! You’re coming with me. Kind of like the prom we should have had,” she says quietlyly.

“I wish I’d asked you,” he says softly.

“Me too,” she responds.

“We’re going to look so good,” Maybeck says.

“Oh for sure. I can’t wait.”

Willa shifts the dress to one hand and laces her fingers through his. It’s not much, but it’s enough.

[strayraccoon]

More SG discord madness. Fluffy (?) Arch/Reader beyond. Thread carefully.

You paced in the downtrodden wagon anxiously, brushing away spider webs in irritation. Drive imps sensed your hostility and avoided you in haste. The stowaway girl and Ti'zo followed your movement with their eyes, the latter screeched to transmit its worry towards you. Jodariel and Rukey occasionally glanced your way but continued their respective works. Hedwyn continuously looked at your direction, obviously aware of your anxiety. Tariq the minstrel strummed his lute slowly and gently, as if he was treading on a thin rope. But those glances and looks went past your attention, as your mind was elsewhere.

It has been days, if that bastard comes again tonight…

The journey through Flagging Hands had been weary, your companion’s fatigue were apparent on their face. The mood was initially heavy yet the minstrel’s song kept the murk at bay.  Light's waning and soon the wagon would stop, and you would have to sleep in preparation for the Rite occurring on the following night. You grunted in annoyance. "Jodi.." you addressed Jodariel soon after, a tone of desperation escaped between your breath.

"No" Jodariel answered shortly, as she expertly trimming her horn. She knew your malady, which sourced from nightmare haunting you each night. She made attempt in asking what ailed you, what sort of haunting vision you dreamt of. Yet you made your stance in keeping your secret from your fellow exiles. Instead, you asked for prolonged shift during night watch. It finally took a toll on you and everyone took notice.

"I haven’t said anything" you argued.

"You're not on the watch tonight, nightmare or no. Tomorrow we're arriving in Pit of Milithe and we NEED you physically sound" she snapped at you. Nevertheless, there were no hatred in her tone, but rather a tone which was similar to a worried caring mother.

"Surely mental health counts as ---" You didn't manage to finish your word as you see Jodariel's intense stare, keen in her decision of taking you off night watch duty. Against such a woman, you could only relent. "--fine."

Then you feel a warm hand on your shoulder, you didn't need to turn to know whose it was. Hedwyn voiced his concern, "Perhaps you can share us what ails you, my friend. Might help lift your spirits a little"

“In fact, I’ve got my hands on some good spirits! That stuff will knock you off” Rukey chimed in as he rummaged his rucksack. He proudly presented a dark bottle from within. “Ahh yes, from good old Commonwealth. This would cost you good sols if you weren’t me!”

"SCREE-NNNNN-NYEHH" Ti'zo transmitted his desire to chase off your nightmare furiously, with a variety of imp profanity followed suit.

"The Eight Scribes will watch over you, I know it. I just know it" the gray haired girl handed you her shoddily assembled star shaped amulet, originally placed under the rafters. Apparently she thought you needed the Eight Scribe’s blessing the most at that moment.

"Well?" Hedwyn asked, eager to listen to your problems as he handed you a small bowl the exiles have been using for drinking.

Despite your fellow exiles goodwill, there would be no force in Downsides you would divulge the content of your nightmares. If not because of its horrid content, but also because it was downright embarrassing. You could feel blood rushes towards the back of your neck and the tips of your ears. You swore Tariq played a comedic tune on impromptu, but he maintained neutral expression when you glanced at his direction. A drink or two never hurt, you thought at that moment.

You laid on your bunk bed that night, feeling a little warm after sharing some alcohol Hedwyn and Jodariel procured at the Slugmarket before the wagon departed Cairn of Ha'ub a few nights ago. Rukey even cracked his reserve for special occasion open.  Scribe amulet above your head, who was undoubtedly attached by the stowaway girl. Ti'zo snuggled against your chest, screeching gently and patted your forehead with its wing. You sensed its assurance. Soft lute tunes lulled you to sleep.

Unfortunately after all their good intention and attempt at making you feel better, the darkness that embraced you to slumber didn’t bring you to a peaceful solace. Instead, it brought you to a familiar hateful presence that haunted your dream each night. It started a couple of days after Nightwings prevailed against the Accuser under the Ridge of Gol. You felt an overbearing presence disturbing your slumber, but that was all to it at that time. Nights after the rite against the Fate, the presence closed the distance between the two of you.

At first it was a mere tingle, as if the stowaway girl was poking your cheek gently. That was what you thought, merely juvenile curious act. Yet when you opened your eyes it wasn't the red eyed girl but rather the hateful figure that continuously launching verbal assault during rites. The Voice himself was there. Clad in extravagant cloth and face hidden beneath hideous mask. Similar to the figure you saw when you first opened the Book of Rites. Looming above the ritual ground where Nigthwings first encounter their ethereal adversary.

But there he was, neither as a looming figure or disembodied voice. He stood before you, saying nothing. No chiding words nor mockery were launched from his mouth. There was only deafening  silence. Then, he stroked your cheek with the back of his calloused fingers. Gently, slowly. As if he endeavored not to wake you up from your slumber. As if mere touch would return you to harsh Downside.

At one night, he merely stroke your cheek. At another, he brushed your hair. On nights after rites he’d cup your face in his hands and simply looked at you. You couldn’t determine his purposes as his visage was hidden beneath the bone white mask. Whatever it was, you couldn’t sense any animosity towards you. In truth, the way he gently touches you, it was as if he was admiring you.

Yet that in that particular night, he reached to the clasps of his mask and unfasten it. For once you could see the face beneath expressionless mask. You couldn’t make clear observations as he lifted your chin and gently planted his lips on yours. You tried to push him away, but his other arm circled round your waist, pulling you. You weren’t sure what manner of magic allowing heat transfer in ethereal realm or  sensation similar to physical contact. There were no other voice but occasional breathlessness. The kiss shared deepened as time passed.

Nevertheless, there was a need to escape. To stay away. Anywhere but there. But you couldn’t move. Your ethereal body was locked in place. You had to--

“GAH!”

You woke up abruptly and hit your head against wooden ceiling of your bunk bed. Loud thunk echoed in the blackwagon. Wooden amulet fell flat on your face and surprised screech deafen your ear.  You found the stowaway girl sleeping next to you and Ti’zo scurrying into her hair. Hedwyn rushed into the room, obviously overheard the noise you caused. He looked around the perimeter looking for intruders and stared in amazement as he saw you rubbing your aching forehead. Nevertheless, he quickly took notice of your condition.

“So, it doesn’t work” Hedwyn sighed as he handed you a wet cloth, motioning for you to compress your reddening forehead.

“....no…” you murmured as you did as he bid.

“I’m listening” Hedwyn sat by your side, smiling as Ti’zo sleepily jumped on his shoulders, perching on Hedwyn’s cloak as if it was its natural habitat.

“...thanks, but no…”

“Are you sure?-”

“I’m fine. I’ll be ready for the Rite--”

At that moment you remembered what transpired in your dreams. Vivid image and touch, shared heat and wet kiss. Blood rushed to your cheek. You burrowed your face into your palm in sheer embarrassment. You desperately thought it was a mere dream and wild imagination. Alas, your hope was dashed when the stars aligned and the Rite against the Withdrawn began. You could hear sheer cheekiness and a hint of perkiness between verbal assaults.

<”As you know I usually wish for you a shameful defeat. But in this case, I wish you a little bit of luck~”>

[gethealthy18-blog]

Top 12 Reasons For Divorce

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/getting-healthy/getting-healthy-women/top-12-reasons-for-divorce/

Top 12 Reasons For Divorce

Harini Natarajan Hyderabd040-395603080 July 16, 2019

Divorce is the last thing on anyone’s mind when they get married. Unfortunately, it is a sad reality of life that some people have to experience and go through. It not only causes a lot of heartbreak, but can also lead to depression, anger, and resentment. But, you can avoid all that by being aware of the issues that may crop up in a marriage and handle them before they get worse.

Divorces are hardly surprising. You would know when things are not going well in your relationship. Your partner will seem distant or resentful every time you speak to each other. Fights are not uncommon between couples, but when they become a way of hurting each other or causing deep psychological pain, you should take a deep, hard look at your relationship. Here are a few things that can cause a couple to split.

12 Reasons For Divorce You Should Look Out For

1. Cheating

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Cheating or infidelity is often the reason for a couple splitting up, married or not. Most people can adjust to issues in a marriage, but this is an absolute no-no for both partners. Often, extra-marital affairs are the reason that people get into bitter divorce cases. However, the cause of cheating isn’t always so clear-cut.

One of the partners can get into an extra-marital relationship when they feel anger and resentment towards their partner, there are differences in their sexual needs, there is a lack of emotional intimacy, or when one of them feels neglected or insecure. In fact, people have also cited fear of abandonment as one of the reasons they cheated.

The affair usually begins as an innocent friendship. It is basically an emotional affair, which, with time, becomes a physical affair. Look out for signs if you suspect your partner of cheating. Staying out late most days, always being on the phone, being absent-minded and cold, or showering excessive attention on you are all warning signs.

2. Financial Issues

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It is not the lack of money that results in divorce, but the difference of opinions on how to manage the shared finances. People generally get attracted to their opposites and end up marrying them, but when these opposing ideas come up where money is concerned, it often results in a bad, bitter divorce.

There is constant conflict and bickering if one tries to save and the other loves to spend. The practical one wants to save for the future and the easy-going one believes in living in the moment. One of them has a hoard of credit cards, while the other believes in buying what you can afford. The conflict is real and never-ending.

Also, when one of the partners earns a lot more money than the other one, it may result in a power struggle that affects the marriage. It may take up to several years, but if both parties do not draw up rules and stick to them, it can result in extreme resentment if not divorce.

3. Lack Of Communication

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As we are all aware, good communication is the most important aspect of not only a happy marriage, but any strong relationship. People talk, but they don’t always communicate. In fact, people sometimes become verbally abusive when they should just calm down and discuss their problems.

Screaming at your partner, not checking up on them when you both are apart, and making mean comments to make a point are extremely unhealthy ways of communicating that cause tension in a marriage. Poor communication is, and always will be, one of the biggest perpetrators of divorce.

It does not mean that you both lack physical intimacy, so don’t be confused. It is entirely possible that you have a great sex life but horrible emotional intimacy. Sex is very important in a happy marriage, but it is not everything. You need to show and experience affection in different ways as well, such as holding hands, impromptu hugs, and good morning and goodnight kisses. Partners who don’t have an intimate bond through both non-sexual and sexual methods will eventually fall apart.

4. Health Issues And Weight Gain

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Long-standing sickness can cause a lot of stress in a marriage. One of the partners becomes a caregiver, which often results in loss of self, stress, and hard work. It can sometimes create a serious sense of burden and guilt and cause the best of relationships to deteriorate.

Weight gain can also cause dissatisfaction in a marriage. When one of the partners gains a large amount of weight, they may have serious self-esteem issues. They may feel put off by sex because they are ashamed of their bodies. It can also cause the other partner to feel less attracted to them.

No matter what the underlying cause, weight gain can cause difficulties in intimacy and eventually lead to deep dissatisfaction.

5. Lack Of Physical Intimacy

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Sex is important in a marriage. If you or your partner are constantly turning down the other’s advances, it can cause serious issues between you both over time and may lead to divorce. Not acknowledging your partner’s sexual requirement is a major cause of rift in relationships.

It is the responsibility of both the partners to solve whatever may be causing the intimacy issue and make the relationship work. Touch each other often, compliment each other, give massages, and do something nice for your partner – these will build a better foundation for a fulfilling sex life.

Seek counseling if required, but don’t ignore this issue because sweeping the problem under the carpet can lead to a divorce in the future.

6. Domestic Violence And Abuse

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Marriage can be really hard, especially if you get married to the wrong kind of person. Even people who try the hardest and have the best of intentions at heart may end up applying for a divorce when it gets unbearable at home. Issues like domestic violence and abuse should be addressed early on. Ignoring them will only delay the inevitable.

If there is physical or verbal abuse in your marriage, it is best to seek the help of a marriage counselor early on. You should try your best, but if things are beyond control, it is sometimes best to give up. Divorce should be avoided, but if it is best for your mental and physical health, go ahead and apply for one.

7. Substance Abuse

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Many married couples agree that substance abuse is a major reason for marital disharmony. When it gets out of control, people may even get physically violent and hurt their partners. It may be only alcohol, or it may be other substances – the problem is the altered behavior when inebriated.

Substance abuse often becomes a big problem as the years pass. It is very important to seek help early on and manage it in the early stages as it is nothing but a disease.

8. Constant Fighting

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Married partners who keep on having the same fight over and over again do so because the underlying issue is not solved. When people have to deal with the same thing for years, they feel that they are not being heard and eventually shut themselves off. It is often hard to see the other partner’s viewpoint. This leads to arguments and fights that are never truly resolved, ultimately leading to divorce.

It is important to resolve each and every disagreement calmly, or the intensity and frequency of the fights will only increase. The truth is, couples have disagreements. The secret is to develop basic rules so that both partners feel respected, heard, and loved.

9. Unrealistic Expectations From Each Other

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Marriage is a 50-50 partnership. Having unreasonable and unrealistic expectations from your spouse can put a lot of stress on them. Also, if they are unable to fulfill them, you may end up feeling let down. It also sets a person up for failure. Eventually, the person will give up trying and it will end in divorce.

Do not have unreasonable expectations where money is concerned. It is important for both parties to be aware of what the reality is so none of them feel duped. Constant cribbing when your expectations are not met is going to put a severe strain on your marriage even if you can’t see the consequences right now. Issues like these take years to manifest into divorce-worthy problems. But, it all boils down to how we make our spouses feel, and if they are unhappy, it will be hard to maintain a marriage.

10. Marrying Too Early

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Marriage is a hard, hard project. You have to put in a lot of work if you want it to succeed. Many youngsters in their early 20s get swept up by the emotions of love and romance and get married without taking the pains to even know the other person. They don’t think twice even though they are not prepared for a lifelong commitment called marriage.

These youngsters are not mature enough to deal with the issues that come up when living with another person for life. So, they get divorced. This is not true for all couples, of course, but most divorces happen when people are in their 20s. After getting married, they get disillusioned by the realities of life and the marriage starts to seem more like a burden than a gift.

11. Different Priorities, Goals, And Interests

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Even couples madly in love with one another drift apart if they have different life goals. If one wants to focus on their career and the other wants something else from them, it can lead to dissatisfaction and irritation. It can eventually lead to divorce when one feels that the other person is holding them back.

It is important for both parties to feel important and have the same priorities when they get married. Also, if you have no common ground to connect over, you will eventually grow apart while doing your own thing. It is, therefore, very important to have at least one common interest you both can bond over and strengthen your relationship.

12. Not Prioritizing Each Other

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Many couples forget that they are married and become immersed in their lives so much that they forget their partners. This happens especially after couples have kids. They forget their single life and friends completely. It feels as if they have forgotten why they fell in love and got married in the first place.

Also, children need more attention than adults, and many married couples grow apart as they get more and more involved in their kid’s life and get obsessed with their new role as parents. It is important for both to spend some quality alone time together so that the spark in the relationship stays alive.

If you both have decided to get divorced, here are a few things you can do to keep it amicable:

Be respectful. Don’t forget, you loved this person. No matter how tough it gets, never get disrespectful.

Don’t drag your children into the fights. Both parties should sit down and have a discussion with the kids about the divorce because it can affect them deeply.

Keep it private. Don’t discuss personal details with others as everyone will have their own opinion and judgment on how to run things.

Join a support group or see a therapist.

Focus on the future. Don’t let the experience kill your spirit.

Divorce is a one-way street. Once you cross that threshold, there is no turning back. It leaves too many scars and too much pain. That’s why you both should try every single thing before opting for a permanent way out. If there is an ego issue, sort it out, and don’t give up so easily. However, sometimes a divorce is the only thing that can keep you sane. In such cases, make up your mind and go for it.

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Source: https://www.stylecraze.com/articles/reasons-for-divorce/

[germainetrittle86]

Travelling Smart: My 10 Tripping Tips

I love travelling and going on trips – whether they are just short daytrips or long-winded, extended ones. I especially love impromptu, spur-of-the-moment travelling because I need an occasional change of scenery and change of pace, either because I am bored or getting too stressed out in the office. Personally, I think travelling clears my head, making my brain feel so refreshed after. On those long bus rides with landscapes flashing by, I get to daydream, reflect on things, and plan out my daily living. Sometimes, after simply napping during 2-3 hour flights, I end up with a sharper mind. Indeed, I find that long drives and plane rides give me the best quality sleep sometimes. So yes, I travel for both my mental and physical health.

But I am also a staunch believer that there is real value in learning from actual experiences. Visiting new places teaches you many things – from local history and regional dialects, unique cultural heritage of its people, as well as interesting cuisine. And as a writer, I believe there is a story somewhere in each trip. As my creative writing professors said, in each travelogue, there is an external journey and an internal one. I always come back from each trip a changed person.

But I have a few tips for travelling smart. Let me share with you ten rules I travel by:

1.     Work hard, Play hard – Whoever said you can’t mix business with pleasure especially when it comes to trips? Travelling for work is unavoidable, if not inevitable. This fact I have come to accept after decades of travelling for work as a regular Resource Speaker and attending various conferences/trainings abroad for my various advocacies. To make being away from your family for days on end a bit more endurable, try to make your official, business trips more enjoyable by taking time out from your busy schedule to just “see the sites”.

 Don’t worry because it’s a practice for activity organizers/sponsors to always include in the programme a “free day”.  For Filipino hosts, an expression of true hospitality is showing you around local tourist spots they are particularly proud of – from museums, ancestral homes, and heritage sites, to natural wonders or even small-town factories and workshops producing delicacies and souvenir items.  

 The big advantage here is that you actually save on travel costs since your office/conference sponsor already covered your transportation and accommodation expenses. I used to say I am not just a “smart” traveler, I am a typically “cheap” one. All those people who got so jealous of my trips abroad couldn’t believe that, except for my college graduation gift of a Hong Kong-Macau-Bangkok tour, each one that followed after was duly applied for or “by invitation” only. As such, my trips abroad were either organization-sponsored or awarded scholarship grants.

 2.     Go Off-Season – Notice how ticket prices and hotel rates always go up during holidays and summer breaks because that’s when everyone goes on vacation. Tourist “peak season” also brings crowded beaches, long queues at terminals, and heavy traffic. So travel every chance you get, take advantage of long weekends, and especially during off-season. Set aside your accumulated leaves and rest days and go when the crowds are gone.

 The best part of this strategy is that you get the best deals with plane tickets and hotel accommodations. There are big discounts and upgrades to be had for plane fare and even on lodgings. You can also enjoy hotel facilities all to yourself on these dates.

 3.     Stick to the Basics – Decide on what’s your bare minimum on accommodation requirements because you can get reasonable lodgings for less cost. Mine simply include airconditioning, a comfortable bed, and cable TV. Hot showers and wifi access are actually negotiable for me depending on the purpose of my trip. If I am going to be out site-seeing or shopping the whole day, when I get back, all I need is a shower and a place to sleep. These basic amenities make for cheaper accommodations, and they are usually not very spacious rooms. But who needs the space if you’re just going to spend a maximum of 6-8 hours a day there for sleeping, quick showers and changing clothes. So instead of 3-4 star hotels or exclusive resorts, try bed and breakfasts, pensionne inns, or even motels.

 When I am abroad, like Bangkok, Thailand or Singapore, I even don’t mind staying at Red Light District hotels. They are so much cheaper, are accessible by numerous forms of transport, and are surrounded by all-day restaurants and 24/7 groceries. Apparently, having people walking around at all hours of the day sometimes makes for a much safer environment.

 But when push-comes-to-shove and you find yourself in an area without any commercial lodging or restaurant facilities around, always settle for the most important things like a safe place to sleep and decent bathroom plumbing. Clean toilets with sufficient water are non-negotiables for me.

 Some exciting destinations only have “home stays”, or actual residences of locals which offer travelers basic lodgings and meals in exchange for a small fee. This living arrangement makes for a perfect opportunity for some genuine interaction with the locals and a truly unique “immersion” experience when it comes to food.

 4.     Make a beeline, Follow the Leader – Speaking of eating and interacting with local folk, pay attention to where the locals go to eat. Those long queues prove that is where the best tasting food is to be found. And this is a strategy that works especially when you can’t speak the local dialect and not many locals understand English.

 On our first night in Beijing, my fellow conference participants and I went to an upper-class Chinese restaurant hoping they’d have English-translated menus. Unfortunately, they didn’t, and none of the waiters and waitresses spoke English. Since the cooked sauce-covered dishes are virtually unrecognizable as either beef, pork, chicken, or fish-based viands, we were reduced to playing charades and resorting to modified “sign language”. One of us was vegetarian and made a slithering motion with his hands, meaning “fish”. We quickly reminded him to be careful because what he was gesturing seemed a lot like “snake” and they do serve snake dishes in China.

 The next day, we went straight for the “street food” being enjoyed by the hotel staff outside during their breaks. We saw scrambled egg-based, crepe-looking patties cooked in front of you from just a food cart. This was followed by a beeline we made to a street-corner food shop selling assorted “finger-foods” like grilled meatballs, sausage/cold cuts, and crispy mushrooms, They were quite tasty, but virtually unrecognizable from the rumored cardboard box or human fetuses being circulated in media as Chinese food staples.

 But not all epicurean experiences are horror stories; some can be really novel and interesting. In Camiguin island while visiting the famed white sandbar, I got to eat fresh sea urchin for breakfast. Freshly caught and costing only about P15 each, the fisherman chops off the spines before breaking it open to scrape the precious meat inside. In Palawan, every visitor has to sample at least one crocodile meat-based viand. I tried the adobo and sisig versions and discovered that while the meat was fibrous like chicken, there was a fishy after-taste.

 Try to stay away from the popular fast food restaurants you see at home; you can eat that kind of food anytime when you get back. In a new place, always try their local fare and get a taste of their favorite cuisine especially those dishes they are quite known for. It is an experience that is not to be missed because eating local cuisine completes the travel experience for you. It already shows you the unique character of the place – a signature type of cooking for an endemic fruit or vegetable, and even some foreign influences which result in a fusion of sorts.

 So, unless the place is known to have incredibly unhygienic food preparations, try to be more adventurous and tickle your palate with unfamiliar tastes.

 However, I always resort to bottled water though wherever I go, just to be on the “safe” side. And if that’s not available, I make sure a bottle of Coke is on-hand. Coke serves a “preventive” purpose against food allergies, contamination or infection, as well as an emergency remedy and corrective measure when I do get unlucky and get a sudden case of stomach flu.

 5.     Avoid Tour packages - While it is quite tempting to take advantage of tour packages promising big discounts and tour guides, be warned that this is usually attended by a hectic schedule of traveltime and frenetic site-seeing. You end up rushing from place to place without any time to enjoy the sites and take as many photos as you want. Do-It-Yourself (DIY) trips are far better sometimes because you can design and follow your own itinerary.

 If the place is notorious for safety and security issues, better to have a local tour guide with you.  Note that a local tour guide is also a necessity when you can’t speak the language or dialect of the place. Otherwise, DIY tours is the way to go, since they are so much more fun.

 6.     Try Local Transport – Besides the local cuisine, another “must-see” and “to-do” on your list should be the locality’s popular mode of transport. While getting to the place usually entails plane, boat, or bus rides, once you arrive, you need to familiarize yourself with local transport to be able to get around. Abroad, you have no choice but to learn the train, bus, and cable car routes. Here in the Philippines, our unique brand of hospitality plus explicit directives from respective local government units compels local drivers to be friendly and helpful.  Local drivers not only provide you a vehicle, they can also double as tour guides especially if they are proud natives of the locality.

 During my visit to the Camotes islands a few years back, I literally got to travel by air, sea, and land. I got to ride a plane from Manila to Cebu, an ordinary wooden passenger boat instead of a hydrofoil ferry from Cebu City to Camotes, a habal-habal (shotgun on a motorcycle) across the main island of Poro, and finally, a small motorized banca to the farthest Camotes island – Pilar. Going back, I took the other route via Ormoc, since Pilar island is closer to Leyte already instead of Cebu. As such, I got to experience for myself how people actually get to-and-from Camotes island.

 In Puerto Princesa, Tuguegarao and Naga cities, I tried their tricycles to go site-seeing. It was in these locations that I noticed that each place has a trademark design for their tricycles, another unique feature of each place. Fronts of Puerto Princesa sidecars are elaborately decorated to look like cars, complete with insignias, while trikes in Tuguegarao are higher and significantly more spacious than those found in Manila.  

 Up North, kalesas (horse-drawn carriages) are still quite popular as a mode of transport, but they also quite differ. Vigan’s kalesas are quite high, with large metal wheels like karuwahes, and a bit classy with its strong Spanish influences. Meanwhile, Tuguegarao’s wooden kalesas are much smaller and simpler, with wheels still made of hard wood.

 7.     Learn Myths, Legends and Folk Tales – While interacting with locals is a key to getting to know the place, realize that tourist spots and popular cuisine are not the only topic you can discuss. Ask about their local myths and legends; these are usually attached to their local mountain range, or the river or lake running across their locality, or simply how the place got its name.

Visiting Ilocandia during my childhood, my parents used to regale us with stories of the giant, Ang-galo and his giantess-wife. They say up the mountains in Sta. Maria where a popular waterfall is found, a big hole in the shape of a human foot is said to be Ang-galo’s footprint. Meanwhile, along the Ilocos coast near Narvacan, there is a place called Suso Beach, because the mountains form the shape of a sleeping giantess with her breasts pointing up to the skies. Years later, while visiting the volcanic island of Camiguin, an oldtimer relayed to us stories of his ancestors. Fisherfolk used to all go back to the mainland of Cagayan de Oro and Misamis Oriental when darkness falls. While those few who remain on the island shut their windows and doors completely because small, red men with horns and tails are said to climb out of the volcanoes at night.

8.     When in Rome, do as the Romans do – The traditional protocol for travelers – always remember that you are merely a visitor and the locals own the place, so you must respect their way of life there. Be conscious of their practices and be careful not to offend their sensibilities.

 For example, Filipinos love to whistle and make “sitsit” to call one’s attention. Such catcalling is impolite in some cultures. We also love to make hand gestures like making a rectangle with our fingers to ask for the bill after eating, but some places prefer to spell it out for them and ask, “check please”. Even sitting down has certain nuances - in some Asian cultures, it is rude to sit cross-legged, or to do the de-kwarto and point your foot towards them. There are also eating customs such as the Chinese belief that it is not right to turn a fish once one side is consumed. This comes from their belief that it is unlucky for one who will be crossing a bridge home, so someone who isn’t travelling across water is the only one who can turn the fish. Meanwhile, some Westerners are “touchy-feely”, they can get all kissy-kissy (both cheeks even), and just love to hug. But Asians like their personal space and will simply nod, bow or smile. For most Asians, someone touching the top of our heads is a big No-No. When addressing someone older, we have generic terms to show respect even if we don’t know them personally. These are small, simple things but which one must pay attention to.

 9.     Find Best-Buys – The proof of our travels is usually based on our souvenirs – whether they are Tshirts, ref magnets, or key chains. For Filipinos, we have a tradition of bringing goods from home to our Filipino Hosts abroad as a way of thanking them for their hospitality especially if we’re crashing at their place. On the way home, we must also bring something back, so our pasalubong-shopping is a serious matter.

So, don’t fall for tourist traps and their over-priced souvenirs. Find out what the best-buys are and source them out with help from the locals. I have discovered that the wet markets and SM supermarkets have the cheaper food stuffs – from standard dried fish, fruits, breads and biscuits, you can get a better price at these stores.

In Cebu, find out where Taboan is. In Ilocos, check out Vigan market. In Davao, try Aldevinco for those gorgeous batik cloths and ornamental accessories, or go to Magsaysay for the freshest durian, mangosteen, and pomelo.

10. Get that Body Ready – Most trips can be physically taxing from the number of hours of travel time, to change of vehicles, or connecting flights. So you must psychologically and physically prepare yourself. If you know that there will be a lot of trekking, hiking, and climbing to be done on your trip, better get in shape long before your trip. It may be a good idea to start hitting the gym again and stretch out those muscles lest you strain yourself during your travel. Remember, there is always a bit of physical effort to be exerted – from merely lugging your own excess baggage to those long souvenir-shopping and site-seeing walks.

           So there it is – now go off and see the world.  

[constantmisunderstanding]

11/11/17, 5:43am

Upon extensive deliberation, I have decided to start writing on this blog again after basically a year of inactivity. So if you’ve my read my stuff before, then whooomamma we got to fill you in on a thing or two.

It is currently mid-November in the fall semester of my third year of university and my first year in the Pharmacy program. Of course, my grades are not as good as they once were though. I mean, there are 130 high-achieving students and I’m one of the lower ones. I get it. It’s totally fine, I just got to pass and I’m still in the program, so at least that takes a bit of stress off my shoulders.

With regards to life--it sucks, but it’s not terrible. I have my now ex-boyfriend making me feel like a scumbag because I broke up with him for my own mental health and overall well-being. I wasn’t planning on ending it the way that it ended, but I didn’t know what to do and I was cornered with the “yes or no” question. I couldn’t say no, because I couldn’t be with him for another week while he’s thinking I’m totally happy with the relationship. That’s just not fair and it’s fuckin cruel. So I said yes to breaking up, and shit just hit the fan. It was a mess, but then a few days we ended up talking and worked things out. We said that we’d be friends, but that we need a few weeks apart to just get rid of feelings so that we could actually work as friends.

I thought that would have lasted, but unfortunately tonight things didn’t go as planned. I made the impromptu decision to ask a friend to hang out for the second time in two years, since I felt guilty talking to him during my relationship (Since my friend was a point of contention between me and my ex), but I was like “I’m single, I can do what I’d like to do on my own terms”. We hung out with his roommate and her girlfriend, and I haven’t clicked with a group of people like that in a very long time. They are all involved in the gay scene where I live, and they are just such genuine and accepting people, it makes my heart so happy. But I ended up taking a very aesthetic photo of my friend and put it on my story. An hour later I got a text from my ex, saying that I threw the friendship under the bus and completely disregarded any thought of him, when that was very far from the truth.

I initially thought he was mad because I was hanging with my friend, but it was actually because I had taken down the photos of us on Instagram. Now I don’t know what the protocol is in breakups, which means that I am unaware if there is a specific time frame you can’t take photos down in. All I know is that I was feeling uncomfortable with having them up--pure and simple. Having them on my profile didn’t scare me or make me feel mad, I just felt like now I’m trying to move on and start a new part of my life. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing to want. I know that I broke his heart. It broke mine to have to put him in pain, but I couldn’t stay in a relationship when I feel as shitty as I do. I just can’t. 

[juvenileevasion]

Mindful leadership

By Jennifer Tejada Emeryville Police Department

Statistics on police health and wellness suggest police training and support programs have failed our profession. Police reform measures also seem to have overlooked a key ingredient in the matter of officer performance.

Policing is considered a stressful and emotionally and physically demanding profession. We have succeeded in training our law enforcement officers on the technical and tactical aspects of being an effective officer. We have provided them with the tools of the trade. We have put them through traumatic and high-risk scenarios to ensure they know how to be tactically safe, to ensure they survive without injury, or at least visible injury. But what about the invisible injuries? The emotional consequence of not just one traumatic incident, but that of a career filled with traumatic and stressful events.

Police reform measures are generally sought through trainings focused on external factors, or through the introduction of new legislation, policy revision, or new programs. Expecting change to occur is futile when we fail to address how the stress of this profession impacts the well-being of our law enforcement officers.

I believe we have failed in our approach to officer wellness and police reform because we have largely ignored two critical intrinsically linked aspects of our law enforcement officers; the relationship between stress and trauma, and resiliency.

There is a constant exposure to significant stress and trauma in this profession. Resiliency is the ability to rebound from a stressful or traumatic event. It means the cortisol build-up discontinues and the body returns to a state of normalcy in breathing and heartrate. The cumulative effect of stress and associated cortisol build-up has severe health outcomes such as anxiety, cardio-vascular disease, depression, addiction, obesity and the list goes on to include suicide.

We really haven’t focused on helping our law enforcement officers hold on to the humanity of their role in policing. Until we change our approach, we are not going to reform policing, and we aren’t going to do anything to improve the long-term health of the officer. We don’t usually talk about it, unless we participate in a de-brief which is a reactionary response versus a proactive response. Emotional regulation begins in the early career with building the cultural armor of “tough it out.”

It should be no surprise that studies show we are four times more likely to suffer from sleep deprivation. We are 40 percent more likely to be obese. Depression is a common denominator, and then there is the rate of suicide. Police law enforcement officers are more likely to die from their service weapon than they are to be killed on the street.

The world of policing is extraordinarily stressful. Every year it seems that more and more responsibility to solve society’s ills falls on the shoulders of our front-line law enforcement officers. We are dealing with homelessness and mental illness in ways we never have before. We continue to throw new training at law enforcement officers: We teach them how to administer a drug; we teach how to identify mental illness on the spectrum of mental-health conditions; we give them resources to help people who are homeless; we train them in complex crimes such as robbery, sex assault, domestic violence, fraud and homicide.

But as we overload our law-enforcement officers with training, expecting them to become impromptu mental health experts, victim and family advocates, paramedics and heroes, all the while knowing they are encountering trauma and suffering, what are we doing for these men and women to ensure they can handle all of this?

The answer, unfortunately, has been not enough. It’s not even close.

That’s why in our department, we have focused on Mindful Policing using several approaches, but primarily focused on Mindfulness Based Resiliency Training. Mindfulness (MBRT) started as a secular practice in 1979, when Jon Kabat-Zin brought together two methodologies – a collaboration of science, medicine and psychology, coupled with Buddhist meditation. Over the years it has grown and evolved, and in policing, we are now seeing some benefits to officer wellness, and efforts like Richard Goerling’s, Mindful Badge training. Goerling is a police lieutenant in Oregon and has been a champion of MBRT for over a decade. He has participated in numerous studies to understand the impact of the a constant state of hyper-vigilance that so many of our officers exist in, and associated health outcomes when MBRT is practiced. In a Mindfulness-Based intervention study on cortisol awakening response and health outcomes among officers, Goerling et al, found significant increases in resilience, mental health and emotional intelligence, and significant decreases in sleep disturbances, anger, fatigue, burnout and general stress. Officers reported less difficulty with emotional regulation, organizational and operational stress.

“Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom” — Viktor E Frankl

Ultimately, mindfulness means a focus on health, empathy, awareness and self-compassion, through understanding the relationship between stress and trauma, and building resilience. As policing leaders, how could we possibly not want to improve that in our staff?

Mindful Policing has the potential to really change not only how we approach officer wellness, but also how we approach implicit bias training and use of force reform. If we can teach our law enforcement officers to be more aware – to see that moment in time between stimulus and response as a moment when a mindful officer who is aware of his or her body’s reaction to stress and trauma can take those crucial breaths to strengthen attention and gain emotional regulation – they can respond versus react to events and people.

Police law-enforcement officers deserve a level of awareness and coherence in thought and clarity. It will serve law-enforcement officers well when responding to a stimulus in an environment that can have life-or-death consequences. Another study in 2016, “Changes in Facets of Mindfulness Predict Stress and Anger Outcomes for Police Officers,”showed officers who practice MBRT had reduced organizational stress, reduced operations stress and less anger.

It’s important to note that mindfulness has gone mainstream in many professions. Mindfulness for first responders – in the context of building resilience – is a different kind of training. I believe the model that works best is the two-and-a-half day immersion training, based on studies conducted by the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Pacific University of Psychology. I participated in a two-and-a-half day mindfulness resiliency training and the positive outcomes were apparent right away.

Many in the class of 30 law enforcement officers from all ranks saw value in it. At the end of the training, a 30-year veteran police sergeant talked about his regret in not having this kind of training early on in his career. He spoke of his fear of retiring because he believed statistics that say that if he retired after 30 years, he was likely to die of heart attack soon thereafter. Hearing those words is painful to me. Our law enforcement officers deserve better.

After that training, it was clear to me that this is what I needed to use in my personal space as a police officer, and it was what I perceived to be the missing link in our profession’s traditional overall approach to officer wellness.

There is another benefit to this. Research is beginning to show that mindfulness can play a role in the context of implicit bias. It’s important to understand that everybody has implicit bias. Implicit bias can can affect our judgments and automatically dictate our behavior in many instances unless we are present enough to be aware of it.

Here’s an easy way to explain implicit bias.  When we are young, we are shown an object that has four legs, a back, and a seat, and we are told it is a chair. Then we see something that is made with cushions and is clearly much more comfortable, and we are told that is also a chair, and it is placed in the same internal file as the first chair. In order for our brains to efficiently manage and process information, things that are similar in nature, shape, and functionality are placed in the same internal file.

The relationship between these items that exist in the file but that are different is called a schema. We create these schemas of things that are similar and different and we create labels that are different and similar. We do this with people too, which leads to what we call implicit bias. Unless we are aware of this occurring, it can affect our judgment and result in inappropriate responses, and poor decisionmaking.

How do we overcome that? The first step is pretty simple: We just need to be aware. We also need to be able to respond outside of that natural response, and be more aware of the story or narrative that our minds create. If we can be aware of the story we are telling ourselves, then we can go beyond the awareness and have a much more appropriate response to the people and situations.

Mindfulness gives us full attention in the present moment, increases meta-cognition, and helps us grow beyond the simplicity yet inadequacy of words that become ideals. And if you think about it, if we can slow down enough, and operate with an awareness about schemas, we will be much better in our interactions with other human beings.

We as police law enforcement officers will also be healthier, happier and able to live full and fruitful lives. Given the personal sacrifices our officers make, isn’t this something every member of law enforcement deserves?

Chief Jennifer Tejada was named chief of Emeryville, Ca., in 2015. She was the recipient of the 2013 James Q Wilson award in community policing. Throughout her career, Chief Tejada has created programs and/or worked in a leadership capacity in several specialized areas including threat management, emergency and disaster preparedness, workplace violence prevention, domestic violence and sexual assault prevention, and hostage negotiation. Chief Tejada received a bachelor of arts from the University of California, Berkeley.

from Police Foundation http://ift.tt/2iYcZp4