#havent done that one it would make kim upset with me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lunar-pantheon · 3 months

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what in the entire whole live fuck is the muppet joker

sorry for the late answer anon i just have no idea where the fuck to start. i know so much about this guy and the rabbit (muppet) hole just keeps GOING dude. i actually started writing a full explanation but since then several archive blogs have popped up like @amuppetreference @the-muppet-joker-archive and @muppet-blackwood . also love their tma flavored additions to the brotherhood. hope this helps <3

im gonna leave what i started writing tho i think its funny, just know i never actually got to even barely scratching the surface

tl;dr an internet freak that i would put on the same level as thecybersmith/human pet guy as far as fuck ass shit hes said but with a quickly growing troll fanbase. I'm also pretty sure he himself is a troll, if not hes just a shitty person with odd kinks that is going through a very severe bout of religious delusion and psychosis. i used to think he was real bc ive met weirdos on his level at cons but some of his recent posts just scream troll and hes quoted infamous tumblr copypastas multiple times

BUT i will make a (brief) rundown with as many tidbits of his lore that i recall off the top of my head. im not gonna link anything because id cry but you can scroll through his tumblr or any of the reddit threads if youd like to dig deeper yourself

His blog

-He goes by Kermit, Joker, Croaker, KJ, etc. His given name is colter but since he doesnt like that name I will call him KJ. I will not however respect him calling it a deadname as if preferring his kin name shared with a frog puppet is the same as the trans experience

-hes been posting relatively consistently since 2023, with one period where he didnt post for 8 months. some ppl use that as evidence that hes fake but girl ive done that like 4 times

-he mainly posts about his internal sexual kin relationship with kermit the frog and the joker, and also misogyny. Also hating horses, and catholocism. I'll get into that.

-He says that he had a previous blog, but had to remake because he upset the furry fandom and they came for his ass. i would say bad excuse but i literally had mutuals who switched blogs monthly bc of kim drama in 2015 so again. idk dude.

The Reddit Post/easter dinner

-this is how i found out about him, my boyfriend showed me a tiktok reading the post and i havent been the same since

-I'm going to say this is all alleged off the bat obvi, i dont actually know if hes behind that too but if he is i deeply respect his ability to control two corroborating sequential narratives on multiple platforms in real time. that shit takes skill

Horses

Catholocism

Homestuck

#the muppet joker

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taegularities · 2 years

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Rid, hi it’s me dream girl and since you’re back suddenly my dreams are back hehe.

So I have no idea about this one lmao but I had this dream that BTS was in my country. Like?? They were just here with no official schedule ig?? And they needed a place to stay, so my family offered our home and we moved into our other family home (which is currently vacant and two roads away from the home we offer them, so that we can be nearby in case they need anything, y’know)

Anyway, they do their thing because we’re not in their business and we do ours and I’m suddenly at my little cousins swimming school watching her practice (spoiler alert, the other kids suck and she’s very good -this is fictional, they’re all good🫣)

Anyway I get this call and Namjoon is looking for me and I’m like??? Okay and I go to the house and they’re having like a meeting at my dining room table and he’s like “we need someone to assist us while we’re here can you be our assistant for this trip?” And I’m like (Debbie Ryan radio rebel meme) “yes, sure. No problem.”

Here’s the thing, these lovely boys are DEMANDING. Jungkook needs new Birkenstocks ordered because he forgot his at a pool before they got here AND he wants them to be worn in??💀💀 I vaguely remember the other demands being like admin stuff and paper work but y’know how fuzzy dreams get after you wake up.

So anyway I’m done for the day and I leave their (my) house and go back to the other family home and our family has people over there and it’s packed and busy and we’re bonding with family for a while ig AND THEN JUNG HOSEOK COMES STORMING IN AND TELLS ME THAT NAMJOON HAS BEEN CALLING ME FOREVER AND I HAVENT PICKED UP and suddenly I panicked because I didn’t hear my phone ring?

So I’m pulling my phone out my bag but it’s not my phone it’s like an android ig (hell even dream me said no to android, wow okay) and then I pull out another android?? And I’m like “not mine” and then another and then FINALLY my own phone and I have zero missed calls but I’m still panicking because who wants to see Kim Namjoon mad (it’s me, I do tbh) but anyway I rush with Hobi and we’re at the other house and Namjoon is like “I need you to make a few YouTube accounts for me.” And I’m like???? Okay??? I have like two student email addresses and a fan email address for Justin Bieber from my youth, I guess those would suffice.

So he follows me into my brothers room that one of them are occupying and we’re suddenly laying down on the bed, shoulder to shoulder and he’s watching me make these accounts (idk, idk) but we fall asleep.

Anyway when I wake up, they’re all gone NO NOTE NO NOTHING WOW THANK YOU TANNIES and then I just start cleaning up and my neighbour tells me how exciting it was to live next door to them for a while, like she caught glimpses of them near windows and stuff (they didn’t leave the house???)

I’m like “oh wow okay” and then I continue to clear up and stuff and my aunt’s car comes pulling up into my driveway and she says she can’t deal with those boys because they keep arguing over silly things and I’m like???? And she’s like “yes, those BTS boys who came to stay at the house this morning”

My uncle pulls up after her and is upset about the same thing lmao but anyway they sit in the house and I’m panicking now because why are they there and why are they arguing about silly things so I need to drive over and see. (Now that I’m writing this I realise that dream me should’ve just walked lazy b*tch)

The problem with driving over is that I need to pull out two cars to get to my own car so I do so with the first car and then the second car is like one of those Ford Rangers and I am in a rush and only looking at the rear camera as a reference for pulling out when BAM 💥 I HIT THE TENANTS CAR AND SUDDENLY REMEMBER WE HAVE A RENTER ON THIS PROPERTY.

I tell my family I REALLY didn’t see the car like fr fr and they’re like “he parks shit anyway” and they tell me to go see the BTS boys and sort out whatever it is that’s going on. So I get into my car finally and notice like half of the tenants car flung forward (yikes) and I pull out the driveway BUT THEN MY HOUSE ALARM WENT OFF IRL AND I WAS PRETTY SURE SOMEONE TRIED BREAKING IN BUT THE SENSORS PICKED THEM UP and I woke up and the security service called me to find out what it was but it was just a fat cat I guess so I never got to find out why the boys were here; why they needed YouTube accounts; if Jungkook’s Birkenstocks came and were worn in; what the h*ck was I doing with all those androids; why did they move to the other house and what happened when the tenant saw his car 😅

awwh dreamgirl, they returned with me ?! 😭 and such an adventurous one, too, i'm honoured !!!

first of all, i'm jealous of your mind, bc the things you dream of are so beyond insane lmfaooo they're so funny, elaborate and detailed and the fact that you remember everything is so admirable !!!!

this dream... gdi, i love how all over the place it is 🤣 the debby ryan face, help !! tbh, your dream self was so dang respectful, bc you didn't disturb them or anything and only just went to their place when they called. their assistant? sounded so cool until you realised how hard to deal they were, huh 😭

ALSO DREAMGIRL, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM WITH ANDROID, I'LL FIGHT !!! (no jk, you know i love you <3) namjoon mad? you remember how he always clenches his jaw or raises one of his brows when he's angry? yeah... yeah i think i know what you mean :')

A FAN EMAIL ADDRESS FOR JUSTIN BIEBER USJAHDGJKADFHGKGSLD screaming 😭 but do you ever like, find out why he needs those youtube accounts anyway? 🤨

the diverging opinions of your neighbour and your aunt, though 😭 it must be nice catching glimpses of bts doing stuff, but once you can actually HEAR them, it's probably over for your mentality, those boys are so endearingly annoying 🤣

dreamgirl, do not let boys cloud your mind. if you do, you will crash into someone's property – lesson learned! thankfully, the guy parks shitty. at this point, you could genuinely write a crack fic based on your dream (jk. unless......)

also, hhhh, the way i was gonna say "your alarm went off bc your renter wreaked havoc, since you know... you destroyed his car 🙄" LMFAO no but, why am i so fixated on the youtube accounts, like i would've loved to find out why he needed those 😭 the androids... cmon just dream you trying to tell you how GREAT androids are *nods nods*.

no seriously, it's such a delight to read about your dreams bc they're whole ass stories and i enjoy laughing about them so much 😭 i love your brain and i love what it can conjure. honestly can't wait for your next one, bc i genuinely (once again) laughed out multiple times reading this :')

#we should all read this #notes for rid 🌹#dreamgirl anon 💭#long ask

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tomstanleyy · 4 years

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happy 1st (belated) birthday sweetener!!!!!!🥺🤩can’t lie this fic is my main source of happiness so just wanna day a big fat thank you to miss @keepingupwiththeparkers for that! i feel like i’m like this fics..... godmother.....? or something like that i dunno, either way i’m definitely waaay to invested in this story but sometimes it be like that😌😌 anyway, i just wanted to say some of my fave bits and/or chapters bc i mean....... godmother duties✌🏼 (the fact i have fully claimed the title as godmother of a fan fiction is flashing neon-light sign that i am too invested but idgaf x)

the mood board is so hella sexy so that’s fun

speaking of sexy…... barista!tom in the first chapter HELLO KIND SIR

never have i ever, i mean just FUCK OFF? MAYBE? i dunno? go awaY? it’s just like there first like interaction that ISNT at the cafe and it’s so perfecto!!!!!!! him moving her out the way with his hand on her back MMMmMmmMmM and then the weird tention between them with the game OH AND when he thinks she there bc she wants to get with haz and he’s lowkey pissed off;) ugh DIVINE KATIE

lmao chance encounters, BOY!!!!!!!! his mini panic in the door way jsjsks and then like the whole viBeS i dunno!!!!!! cute!!!!! OMG and when he’s staring at her and harrison kicks him!! NOooooo!!!!! n then tom pouring his tea away just so he can see her for a minute….. the softest boy eva. it’s not up for debate

the one at the library is just like….. a classic😍 OK yano the selfie tom put on his story with messy hair and grumpy face? ya i wanna see that pls thank you. she brings him coffee and they watch MEMEZ!!!!!!!!!!! i die :( and then THEY HOLD PINKES FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!! N THEN THE LITTLEST CUTEST KISS EVER byeee byeeeeee

Wishful Thinking and Words of Wisdom… yo the convo between haz and tom in this chapter is so important to me lmaooo like there banta and shit just makes me so happy bc there not prick there just…… Dumb Boys u no? OOoohH and ofc his sex dream about her which NEEDS to be brought up again!!!!! and then him trying not to look at that little bit of skin where the blanket had ridden down and trying not to look at her pants when she moved her leg in the carrrrr!!! and the cheek kiss jsjsj!! just too good and too much crying to be done over it

The Snap is like as they said “what got it all going” lmaoooo OKAY can i just say the fact she didn’t fucking explode when he replyed with THAT photo and ‘gorgeous x’ is a miracle imo🤷‍♀️

aw omgggg Look At Me Now…… SO CUTE🥺 like it all flowed so well (so do the other chapters but this had like quite a lot of dialogue in it i think and it was just like …. smooth af) toms lol scene in the bathroom is so fucking funny to me bc i love he and his thought prosess lmao and then the Holding Hands Dilemma hahahahahah AND THE RUDE MAN WHO DIDNT SAY THANK YOU!!!! the thought of them in there little outfits walking up to the bus stop holding hands is…… too much. and then……….. the kiss…… just……. THE kiss. where he moves her hair and her lips r all sparkly and just it’s so perfect and i cry

okaY…….. Hoodie and Hormones…… they🥺 it’s just like them being all drunk and cute and when she walks up to him and he goes all 😍🤤 and his pals are all oiiiiiii lmao and there kiss at the bar 😰 nah😰 and at the end where he gives her his hoodie and like has his hand on her hip under it :(((( stop i cannot :((((

i mean………. the nineteenth hole….. katie katie KATIE!! you went HARD (so did he👀) firstly, the golf bit is so nice like them chatting away and him looking at her bum and her touching his bum oop and then like OMG him putting his hand on the headrest when he reverses lmaooooo heee!!!........ and then like…… my life changed forever🙃🙃bc i still havent recovered tbf…… there’s too much to say bc it’s all my fave part!!!! he was just so like reassuring and like safe but also like S E X Y lmaooo

awakenings….. she was a lowkey stressful one phahaha but also high key cute and sexyyyy like they wake up spooning (him squashing her) mand after weewees they have more snuggles and then…… he goes down on her and like she’s in her sexy little pj set and it’s all too much lol…… but then he suddenly HaS tO gO hOmE!!!! n then she sees Kim’s instagram and that he’s with her and DUN DUN DUN……. gonna have to wait a fucking month and a half to find out what happens🥰🥰 (i’m joking ily)

*longest month and a half of my life over* QUESTIONS AND ANWSERS!!!!!!!!! okay this was a cutie tho :((( he got his hair cut which was sad but also not bc FFH PRESS HAIR HELLO!!!! they have a little smooch and then he has boner and then she’s like NOPE HOW MANY PEOPLE WAS UR DICK IN BEFORE IT WAS IN ME HUH? but yh i do love he had a semi while they where having a deep chat lmaoo but ALSO his soft Boy was showing when he was talking about that weird date and she was playing with his hands 😭😭leave me alone. cya. OMG n then sexy times…… this was very GOOD sexy times bc it had been a while for them lol…… n then the pizza man came and then she feel asleep on him and then i stop so i can sob xxxxx

oooh deja vu!!!!!!! she was a long boy but a very good boy also, tom being a brave soul in the library lmao and then the smut was like Legendury lmao bc they went on the floor OOH and when she had already come like twice and he flipped her over like ME NOW PLS!! it was just all in all a 100000/10 chapter rly

taste of freedom was when i feel like they got close close like THAT was when they knew they where gonna be like besties as well🥺like eating maccies in the car and then tom couldn’t come in bc he knew he would fall asleep and he had exams the next day. uwu. ooooop i loveee this smut lmao it’s just very good lol. the angles he be hitting at also where fun and spicey so ya OMG when he holds her legs down i just wanna screammmmnmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg and then they have a lil nap and a cuddle :((( which was just too far and too painful for me

good vibes and good times….. she was a vibe wasn’t she (literally not even a bit funny)...... but yh like she’s pm sat on him on the sofa which is all snuggley n then smooches with his hand like in her hair and then his FACE when he finds It polite cat mode lmaoo and then he’s being a little shit when he won’t give it back to her!!!!! n then when they meet at the club they have a big hug and then they eat chips togther and she can’t stop looking at the little devil horns in his hair lnao mood tho

hOKAYY falling, falling is a cracker bc i risked my life to fights for toms blow job lmao ur welcome boy x but yes very nice kt although the phone call at the end was a bit 👀👀but they’re cool it’s all cool

erm clarity was just offensive lmao like THE SMUT was just RUDE and i’m still SAD about it quite frankly 😌 tom being all sweaty when they have the Chat and him wheeling across the floor lmao but then like the smut and him going down on her YO AND THEN ‘can i smack ur arse’ IM NOW ONE WITH THE CLOUDS!!!!! CYA!!!! aw okay but then the shower smooches and his CURLY HAIR and at the end chilling and talking about rugby when she’s playing with his hair😭noooooooooo

omg ok i just reread trial and error and Okay u KnOw i adore sleepy tom 🥺🥺 hes just so babie!!!!! her saying to him ‘early night for you then’ get the fuck out of here!!!!!!! and then the HELLO KISS I CRY!!!!! n then obvs like …. THE WHOLE SMUT YES PLS!! especially him being so comforting when she’s like not sure AND later when he’s like i’m sorry i’m tired and hungover and she’s like it’s okayyyyyy! *sobs* n then somone comes home and tom is going to explode lmao and then he like collapses her and she’s like help i can’t breathe :( and then he spoons her and has a little sleep,,,,,, it’s safe to say i’m very upset

katie….. you know my thoughts on the match but i swear i will never shut up about it lmao i’m so sorry…….. everything is so uwu like snuggle in the morning and then the sweetest sexy times EVA and then tom wanting to be invisible when her and haz are talking lmao that still cracks me up…….. and then like i take a break so i can go to the bathroom and cry 😭😭 bc babie got a booboo!!!!!!!&!& but fr ‘she’s my girlfriend’ just made me wanna yeet of a bridge stg AND THEN THE WAITING ROOM SCENE!! OFC!!!!! HELP?!?! n then the forehead kiss and then 🥺😍😍🥺🥺🥺😍🥺😍🥺😍🥺😭😭😭😭😍🥺

#im chatting from my arse as per #lol

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pbandjesse · 4 years

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Today is much better. I feel a lot more positive. I didnt cry once! The sun was out and I actually felt pretty good. I didnt sleep good so I was pretty tired by mid day again. But it was still a very good day overall.

I was up until almost 3am. I just couldnt fall asleep. Wasnt fun. I was not happy. I kept shopping on ebay. I was just adding things to my wish list but still. Just playing around for way to long. Eventually I was able to sleep. And it was okay. I woke up at 9 and felt alright. James had tried his best to be quiet so I could sleep and went to take his bike ride this morning. And I was waking up just as he was getting back. I laid there and played on my phone and got caught up on frog pattern sales until James was out of the shower and went to get one for myself.

I felt a lot better once I was clean and dressed. I felt very cute today. These pants are just awesome. Excellent purchase.

I felt good though. I didnt want breakfast. James seemed worried by this but I just didnt want anything. When he's not here on days off I sometimes dont eat breakfast for a few hours. I havent been doing that but it is sometimes better for me.

I didnt do a lot this morning. I asked the person I was going to have a facetime call with if we could do another day. And she was cool about it. I did end up talking to mom and dad on skype. Which went okay but was pixly on my side for some reason. It was good to see them. Had some laughs.

Once I was off the call with them I got some stuff together for my access art meeting. Sent some emails. I worked on figuring out some frogs on my sewing machine. I think the body I might make that way but the legs Ill do my hand? Unsure. But well see.

And then James was like. Were making pretzels come help twist them. I was pretty good at that! James was not but I think we did a good job overall. I tried to make a philly style twist. It was fun. They came out a little to thick but they were good still.

My meeting was good but long. We had a lot to talk about. I am going to try my best to not be so negative about my work and stuff. Try to talk more positive.

The mail came during the meeting and I got a bunch of packages. James got me a signet ring and its so pretty. And my skateboard finally came!! Its great. I was rolling around the apartment. It was nice.

Yes I was still on my work call during this. Which is when we found out that a lockdown order would start at 8pm. No one is allowed to go anywhere. Its not a shelter in place. Were allowed to go for walks. But not allowed to go anywhere but the grocery stores. James got really worried and went over to the store to get a couple things. I wanted to go outside but I was still. Not feeling good about that. Everyone on the call was nervous. Its a scary world.

Once that was done I got to work on some art. James had drawn up a map of the city were making to help me with scale. And that was great and super helpful. I painted all the risers and then used some spackle to create a flat area for out roads. I thought it would be easier to sand and I am excited about that. But it really looks like cake frosting right now.

I texted with Kim upstairs about a community project. Were going to look at the yard tomorrow and try to build a garden with some old bricks. I think it will be fun to have something to do outside.

My back was starting to hurt really bad from standing over the table. James was watching me work and said that it was like visual ASMR. Hah.

I hung out on the couch. Had a snack. And eventually was like. Im going to go lay down.

I laid on the ravioli. And eventually I fell asleep.

It was a really good nap. I woke up at 7 and felt good. Not like upset and confused. It was good. I was cold though. I got up and put on a sweater and went to have cereal in the kitchen. I ran the dishwasher and now I am in our room while James is playing dnd in the other room.

Today was really good. I am hoping to bring that energy into tomorrow. I hope you are all safe. Love you all. Goodnight.

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sey2017-blog · 7 years

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July 21st - August 12th: Korea

I have been here for almost a month. For the most part, time seems to be going by pretty slow.

I’ve been noticing a lot of things that are cultural differences. Toilet paper can not go in the toilet. Loitering is not okay ever. When you shop people come and follow u around asking if you need anything. Clothes are EXPENSIVE. Shoes? EXPENSIVE. Bags? EXPENSIVE. A lot of the restaurants are delicious and they are everywhere. Koreans… eat out a lot. Food is generally cleaner. Koreans compost. The subway during rush hour? Hell. Bus rides from Seoul at night? HELL. People rarely maintain eye contact. People think I’m a foreigner. Like chinese. but its chill. Clothes here are too cutesy. Ruffles and lace cutesy. Its extremely hot and humid. My fam is sensitive to smells of meat and eggs. Koreans have to walk a lot. Most of the dresses I brought here are too short or too revealing. And I thought I was on the conservative side. Drivers here be wildin’. There are lots of people everywhere… its crowded. Pollution is a problem, I can’t walk in the rain cuz it’s polluted water. Everything is close though. A bakery and a cafe within one minute of walking. Comments on appearance. Public trashcans are rare. Many smokers. Gender roles. They put foam on car doors so it doesnt scratch the other cars when they open it. People are overall impatient. Lots of differences. Now that I see it written out, it’s mostly negative.

What I’ve done here so far?

I saw my fam. They really like me. Its funny because based on my dad they assumed i would be different. They probably thought i was raised wrong. Even when I asked one of my aunts how she expected me to be like, she said she thought I would not talk this nicely. Whatever that means. But everyone here thinks im polite and soo amazing just cuz i know how to cook. Its nice and they all take care of me and worry about me. Its nice and not at the same time. I’ll take it though. Ive told my aunts and gma how I really feel about some thinga and my hopes and dreams. They are impressed and say I dream really big.

I saw old friends. Kids I havent seen since I was 11. Kids that used to be 8 and 6 are now all grown and hanging with me. And I saw my paris friends from last year. And their parents. It was nice to see them because it was like old times, kind of. I hung out and explored seoul with them, which was fun. I also saw and am keeping in touch with Jenny Kim, a friend from Oregon who now lives here. You spend a lot of money here everytime you go out, however. Staying at home = saving money.

I can’t tell if I’m happy here. My mom left this week and I cried. I got very homesick and missed everyone. and everything. I miss tacos tbh. I know I will get back in the grove of things and find my own life here. I just never realized how attached I was to the life I had back home. In Eugene, in Beaverton. Seeing my friends when I want in such close proximity.

One thing that is contributing to my lack of happiness is the lack of privacy. I didn’t consider myself that much of a private person until now. I guess I kind of am an introvert in some ways because I love spending time with myself. Here, I haven’t had much time to journal or even listen to music. I just paid for spotify premium so I’m gonna turn on music. Much better! I have so much to do. Planning for my trips next year, cleaning out my computer, setting goals, it just isn’t easy to do when I live in a household with 4 aunts, aunt’s husband, cousin and uncle and grandma. that’s 8 people excluding me in a 3 bedroom house. It’s not ideal for privacy. Of course it’s not always that full, people come and go. I just need my own space. Yesterday I went to a cafe to be productive and it was one of the happiest times I’ve spent here. being productive and being alone was nice.

I am moving out in two or three weeks. My mom’s friend offered I live with his mom after he goes back to LA. it’s gonna be 200$ a month which is super cheap, but it’s the smallest house I’ve ever been in. It upsets me a little because I wanted to live alone for 300-400 but nobody trusts me to live on my own because its dangerous. I definitely do not want to stay there the whole time but im okay for now and can handle it. I did want a space with a desk but I can just go to a cafe and study there. The house.. is super small. only one room, and the room only fits a single bed and then has one foot of space. The old lady said she will sleep in the living room (which doesnt have a couch and is smaller than my room at skybox). I wish my mom had listened to me while she was here and had visited places for me to live alone with me but she didnt even listen or consider it as an option. But I’m not gonna complain anymore because I will be upgrading from being an hour and 30 minute commute away to only being a 30 minute commute away, and also from having no privacy to having a lot of privacy. I can always move out if I need to. But the lady is super nice and welcoming and it’s sweet that she is willing to sleep on the floor so i can stay. And omg as im writing this my grandma is talking to me and telling me to wash my hair. literally don’t even have time to think here and reflect alone.

Usually my happiness level tends to be above a 7.5, but now my happiness seems to be at a 5.5 or a 6 at some moments. But the good thing is that I know the conditions behind what will make me happy: productivity, privacy, and alone time. Haha.

I have a few people that I could meet up with and be friends with, but i’ve also been feeling anti social because it’s an hour and a half commute there and back to meet them and people in korea go hard. it’s not a eat food and good bye kind of deal, it’s eat food, go to a cafe, go shopping, go karaoke, go play pool, they go HARD. me, a homebody, am not cut out for that type of thing. But I will have to do.

I have exactly a week left before I have to go to work. For two weeks, I have to arrive to work by 8AM and it’s an hour and a half commute away. wtf is this bs? TERRIBLE. life here ain’t easy. that’s all im gonna say.

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21yroldmeesh · 7 years

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back again 7/20/17

iit’s been a year since i have written in this blog and dang it’s kind of heartbreaking to read the “ty” post. i mean ima just be open cause i’m sure as hell people don’t even know about this blog anymore L O L i have 0 followers L O L

things on the agenda: dan, guy who drove me to va, my first and last hookup

me and dan actually broke up over a month ago (6/16/17... i have a particular thing for dates) and it’s been a weird experience. i literally thought we were going to get married. you can talk to someone for 5 yrs almost everyday and it only takes a day to become strangers. actually you can get close to a stranger. we’re worse than strangers. with us, it’s best to spend some time apart because if we start talking, we don’t even know what we want from each other. like, we actually have such good chemistry but too much has happened too much pain too many lies. it’s one big clusterfuck. i don’t normally curse but i’m going to curse a lot in this post future michelle. i was willing to live in the boring ass town of ann arbor, michigan and i would have been perfectly happy for simply just being with you and being loved by you. i had so much love for you. your fungus feet, your crackly white tongue, you never brush your teeth, everything weird dumb annoying about you just stopped being that and it was “normal” anyways,

i decided to write again because for the past week, my mind has been all over the place and i think my friends are getting annoyed of hearing me out so here i am.

that night, i tried convincing him that id be able to forget about all that he has done. i was crying. i thought it was so fucking unfair man. whenever he lied to me and i’d try to break up with him, he always held on to me and i am a push over... i gave in every time. that day, we fought and yes, i said let’s break up but i told him i didn’t mean it. and then he just brought up how even though i didn’t mean it, everything i said was right and that we arent good for each other. he kept saying this was for us. we didn’t make each other happy. bull shit. i made u so happy. u were only “not happy” when i wanted u to be mature. i mean this is a memory i want to erase from my head so im not going to go into it. but i just felt so hopeless like you just tied up my arms and i couldnt do anything. i asked you to let me hold on to you ONE time because i let you do that with me. and you just wouldn’t budge. do u know how that made me feel? i felt like everything was my fault. if i didnt bring up anything, we would have still been together. we were doing amazing. you opened up to me for the first time literally the day before we broke up and damn everything just happened so fast. you made me feel like i was the type of person who didn’t let myself be happy.

well, the first night i was completely miserable and suicidal. i don’t even know how i survived but i did. for the first two weeks i cried my damn heart out. i let myself feel pain. i didn’t touch alcohol at all until i knew i was ready to not emotional vomit while drunk. i went in my car, blasted music as loud as i can, sobbed for thirty minutes until i was exhausted and came back home. once you hit rock bottom, you got to come up right? i couldnt be alone. i was always with friends. what the fuck was the MCAT right (ugh) i did this multiple times and i think by the third week, i was feeling pretty good and realized you and i weren’t good for each other. actually, correction, we weren’t good for each other because you weren’t willing to be. i guess i just wasn’t worth it to you anymore. well, correction, i didn’t give necessarily my all either. breakups are never on one person. you just lied to me way too much and i just couldn’t trust you 100%. i said i forgave u but i never really did, did i ? what is relationship without trust. it’s surprising how we even lasted this long. well, its because of our chemistry. whyd you have to go fuck it up dan. you and i had such a good connection LOL maybe u can have that connection with others but im just picky af LOL

actually, i haven’t thought about you dan for a very long time. i sound pretty hung up on you still up there but i’m not. something just happened recently which i will go into later

but actually i have not thought about you at all. its funny because ive been telling haram “who the fuck is daniel am i rite” hahaha its been fine for me. ill be sad but now i can be alone and just deal with it. im doing really well. when i was dating you, for some crazy reason, i thought i couldn’t be without you. why the hell did i think that? like i went through my darkest times without you and survived every single bit of it. why did i ever think i ever NEEDED u in my life? i havent felt depressed since we broke up. isn’t that the craziest? i never have suicidal urges like i did while dating you. im never sad for too long. im just doing me. being with friends. being with awesome people. meeting new people. and yeah i miss you, but damn i think the emotional roller coaster and the clusterfuck of lies (like you telling susan in MAY THAT U LOVE HER?!!?!?!) just made me like dumb and made me believe i just couldn’t let u go. love is insane. and i am insane. michelle in love. there is no logic in it whatsoever. i’m just the type of person to just give it all she got u know? fucking cheat on me, i’ll be here. fucking take my money, i’ll be here. i think id peace the fuck out for animal abuse doe. but anything else is pretty much game.

but yeah i am no longer that person. i am so special and cool to deal with that LOL im actually not a bad catch. i realized i am going to run far far away from someone who lies to me. it’s just not worth it. i love you. i loved you but damn i just kind of miss u as a best friend. nothing romantic anymore. i just miss talking to u and talking shit with u but you can beg for me back, and it is a huge no from me. also i really respect u stepping up with coco while im not in ann arbor. ur just a bad boyfriend. i always knew that tho and i still went in for it. none of that anymore LOL fck that for real. like i wanna be friends with u just so we can hang out. im not the same person anymore LOL and i just think we would really get along now LOL

when u said you couldn’t give me a ride i was upset but not really? i just understood. it wouldn’t have been good for us and last week, i don’t think i was ready to be in a car ride with u for that long even when i thought i was. looking back, i think it would have set me back a lot. thanks for making the best decision for us. you were always able to do that, i cant hahaha

but yeah anyways, this guy who i talked to for three days kind of offered to give me a ride. correction, we talked for two and then like he just decided to do that for me. very impulsive but i mean i get it, so am i

as we were talking, i realized we were way too similar to even have any romantic attraction. like, i know he did because i think he saw that as a good thing. but everyone else and me later on, realized, similarity for michelle kim is not the best. she needs excitement, passion, and just someone different for her fire. we were similar so we could have been good friends but i think i realized we couldn’t be more than that when he just started coming off too strong. idk, five days in of talking, he was just telling me don’t fool around with other guys and just like telling me to enjoy my single time while i can and it was very overwhelming. not to mention he dated a girl who actually became pretty closely to me recently and i actually really dig her so that was just a final like nope cause it wasnt worth it at that point.

so i get to ny and im having all these realizations about the guy who drove me to va while im out with my friends. as im getting all these “boyfriendy” texts im like nope nope nope nd telling my friends i think i have 0 feelings for this guy now.

next thing you know, my first and last hookup walks over to my friend asks her to smoke and he tells her he thinks im cute. i mean i didnt even know until like round 3 or even until he told me the next day. but yeah we just made quick eye contact and that was it. he joins us for round 2 and dang he is hot as fuck LOOL ok well maybe its cause i literally haven’t seen a guy that hot in a while. L O L like i always liked skinny tall guys. but he was like tall and fit?? like wtf?? LOL it just took me off guard and he was showing interest and i was just suuuuuupppppper drunk so we just went home to my airbnb. FOR THE FIRST TIME, I MADE OUT it was so crazy. like i dont think he believes me because he knew i wasnt a virgin but then i told him i never made out before so he was like so confused but didnt ask me questions cause i guess he just thought i was lying?? idk man. but ya we didn’t do anything except make out and when it got hot and heavy i was just like yo u want pjs and then told him lets just go to bed

l o l

and hes like a super big gentleman

he kind of didnt want to leave cause hed say stuff like ill leave when u go out. ill leave when u tell me to leave and i was like “ok u should leave now” and idk how but he just kind of stayed

and then he ordered food and idk we talked about his mom and my mom and we played this dumbass creepy game that we literally made up called black mirror black mirror idk man it was super fun and he even pretended like gdragon, hes a complete clown and i love clowns LOL but yeah he left and i went with my day, saw jane and joohee, came home and he texts me. hes like aksing to hang out and im like yeah if we dont get white girl wasted.

we meet at one of my fave places beauty and essex. it was awk at first because i did not expect it to be like a bar bar since i came during dinner time last time. but we ended up having a lot of fun and it was good. we tried going to fat buddha but line was too long and one thing led to another, he came over my house and we just kind of made out and i d k what happened but i was suppppppppppper drunk LOL like more drunk than last night that i was dropping my phone in the uber and i was a mess but we ended up having “sex” it was just super fast and weird man. he just felt so diff from dan so i felt really out of it but the other guy finished and i think alc was also hindering his performance and it was just a clusterfuck. we just ended up going to bed. next morning, i know he got into super big trouble with his mom and i felt really bad about that. and then he left. i went to va. he texted me saying have a safe trip and that it was a super fun weekend and yeah that was that.

im starting to realize i fucking like this guy LOL i mean i prob dont but i thought and think i do u know. im just not the type to do this and i feel like he got the worst image of me LOOL yeah my friends were like michelle ur not the type of person to just have one night stands cause one ima fall in love with them and two ur just not the type

idk i just lost myself from being in nyc

nyc is like the root of all probs

love that place but still crazy

and ya i think hes kind of cute but i also know hes not really down since im in mich and all so ya ohwellz we’re only 21

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