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#haven't been really tired with this thing
magniloquent-raven · 2 days
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Day 3: Missing Moments
a little something for @bucktommypositivityweek 💜 tommy POV after their first date + buck calling about meeting for coffee
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Tommy's not moping. He doesn't mope. Especially not over a relationship that wasn't even a relationship yet. It was one date. Arguably less. Half a date with a guy he's hung out with—if he's counting very generously—a grand total of four times.
A blip, as far as relationships go. He has more history with that guy he used to trade semi-frequent blowjobs with who's saved in his phone as Nose Ring.
...Come to think of it, he should delete that guy's number. They haven't spoken in years. He's pretty sure the last text in their message history is—yup. Dick pic. From Nose Ring. They'd gone six months without contact, then he sent a picture of his penis and nothing else. Tommy couldn't find it in himself to be even vaguely interested, and there's been no communication since.
And that's really that's the problem, isn't it. His dating history is riddled with guys like that. Dead-end hookups and bad dates with people he didn't click with no matter how much he tried to force it. And people who just...didn't care enough. Then Evan...
Alright, he's moping a little bit. He's only human.
He's been laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. Pretty much since he got home. It's not late enough that he's tired, really, but he's also exhausted. In a soul-deep sort of way.
It was nice. He had a nice time, sitting across from Evan, letting him stutter his way through all the usual first date talking points like he was reading them off a list in his head. It was cute, how seriously he took it, how he'd pause and smile and get that soft look in his eye when he was listening to Tommy talk.
It would have been so easy to be greedy and keep spending time basking in that warmth he seems to radiate. Evan was clearly willing to push himself way past his comfort zone, but. Tommy wasn't. Isn't. His stomach twists just thinking about it.
But maybe he's being selfish either way. He wants more than Evan can give him, so he's pulling away completely, retreating before he can get too deep into planning a future Evan isn't ready for.
He sighs, feeling around next to his pillow until his fingers close around his phone.
Maybe Evan will reach out again. Some day. Eventually. Once he's more at ease with himself. Or maybe Tommy already ruined what could have been before it even started. Probably safer to just assume the latter. Restrict himself to hoping they can still be friends after this.
He scrolls aimlessly through his contacts. There's quite a few numbers in there that he should delete. Names he's not sure he recognizes anymore. Ones he wishes he could forget.
For some godforsaken reason he still has Sam Westbrook in here. Just reading the name puts a pit in his stomach. He doesn't remember everything about the three horrible months they spent together, it's mostly just flashes. The taste of too much beer on his tongue, saturated and clumsy in his mouth. A sharp smile and a sharper suit, always pressed and starched and better-than-you.
Tommy was newly out and far too hard on himself about how difficult it was. Guys like Sam seemed to sniff that out, made his personal shame all about them. It didn't always work, but Sam was particularly good at it. He always left Tommy feeling gutted and guilty and far too willing to do whatever it took to make it up to him the next time they saw each other. It's not a relationship he likes to think about.
But it's a reminder that he did the right thing tonight.
And...
Maybe he'll call Evan. Not yet, not right away. Tommy needs time to square away his own messy feelings, but maybe in a couple weeks. Just to let Even know he's. Around. If he needs someone to talk to about all this.
They can be friends. He'll make it work.
He deletes Sam's number, and tosses his phone aside.
Two weeks.
It's only two days later when his phone rings, Evan Buckley written across his screen in big white letters. He stares at it through five long buzzes while his heartbeat pounds in his ears.
This...wasn't the plan. And to make matters worse, he's at work. He catches one of his coworkers side-eyeing him curiously, and that pretty much guarantees he'll have at least three people ask him what was up with the phone call before his shift it over.
Well. He should at least give them something to gossip about. A guy called me and I watched it go to voicemail isn't much of a story.
He swipes to answer, before he can make himself any more nervous.
"Hey."
"Tommy! Hey!" Evan's voice crackles a little through the phone with a surprised intake of breath, like he wasn't the one who called in the first place. The corner of Tommy's mouth twitches. "H-how's it going?"
Tommy spent four hours yesterday taking apart his neighbours' lawn mower because he'd convinced the man it was making a weird noise and he could fix it. There was nothing wrong with it, but he checked every inch anyways, and put it back together well-oiled and exactly as pristine as it was before. That morning he'd gone grocery shopping with a paper list and his phone at home so he'd stop obsessively combing through all his files trying to find things to delete.
So, he's having a very normal week, clearly.
"Good," he says instead of explaining any of that. "I'm actually at work right now, so—"
"Oh crap, I forgot you were working today, sorry. I—I can call back later if you're busy."
"No, it's okay. Slow day so far." He pauses. "One might even say qui—"
"Ah, don't jinx it!"
Tommy snickers. Apparently Eddie wasn't exaggerating. He's known a lot of superstitious people, but most of them didn't take it this seriously. Evan sounded less panicked about flying directly into an actual hurricane. "Right, the dreaded Q-Word."
"Did you hear about the power lines that fell on our engine?!"
"Yes." He'd seen the pictures too. Pretty much everyone had, the 133 were sending them around all day after they took that call.
"And then some guy stole it later that same day, y'know. It was a terrible shift."
He'd heard about that too, but not that it was the same station. Damn. "Alright, alright. No tempting fate."
"Well. Good. Too many things can go wrong with helicopters."
Tommy squints up at the rafters, feeling unbearably fond. Like he's full of something warm and syrupy and too big for his chest, like he's spilling sunlight between his ribs.
He should ask why Evan called. Polite check-in after their date ended so abruptly? Another storm he needs Tommy to fly into? Metaphorical or otherwise. Hopefully it won't involve stealing anything else. They got way too lucky the first time for Tommy to trust it working out again, and he kind of likes his job.
He slips his free hand into his pocket. "How are you doing, Evan?"
"Oh." He lets out a soft exhale that comes through as quiet static. "I, uh. Good, actually. B-better, um. Listen, are you free tomorrow?"
Tommy stops breathing, lungs seizing for a long moment before he very carefully reminds himself how to use them. "Yes."
"I wanted to. Talk. To you. Um. In person, preferably."
This really wasn't the plan.
But it's fine. It's more than fine. It's...
He'll just have to deal with wanting to kiss the living daylights out of someone who's off-limits, it's not like he's never had to do that before. If Evan needs something from him he's not about to say no, he just didn't expect it to happen so soon, if it happened at all.
"I, uh, would've just popped by your house unannounced, but I thought this might be more polite," he continues, a teasing lilt in his voice. Tommy purses his lips against the smile threatening to overtake his face. "Also, I don't know where you live."
"You could've asked Eddie."
"Oh, so you're saying I should have ambushed you then?"
"No, that's very rude. Who does that."
Evan's delighted laugh is bright and infectious, and has him grinning at his feet, sunlight spreading down to the tips of his fingers.
"So, coffee? Tomorrow?"
"Alright."
"Cool. Awesome. I'll text you the details?"
"Cool," he echoes, purposefully deadpan. "Awesome."
He can hear the smile in Evan's voice when he pretends to be offended by the mocking. It's there all through their goodbye too, and Tommy finds himself coiled up around his anticipation at the thought of seeing that smile again.
It's going to be a long 18 hours. But it's worth the wait.
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springgirlshowers · 17 hours
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Let Me Show You
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Summary: You haven’t been feeling very pretty lately, Joost decides to prove you wrong, and he won’t let you finish until you admit that you are.
CW: negative self talk/self image, tiny bit of crying, body worship, teasing, praise, so much foreplay, fingering, cunnilingus, edging, orgasm denial, overstimulation, i use google translate for dutch (im sorry 😭)
WC: 2820
A/N: i wassss gonna wait to post this, but i couldn’t help myself it feels wrong to keep the world waiting </33 challenge: take a shot every time the word “kiss” is said in this fic
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You hadn’t been feeling well at all today.
Not in the sick with the flu sort of well, more of just not feeling well with yourself. Not feeling content with yourself.
It started in the morning, when you stared at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Joost was already gone, needing to stop by Teuns to clean up a few songs.
You leaned forwards in the mirror, analyzing your face. Feeling disappointed at it, for some reason, it felt like every single tiny little flaw was extremely noticeable. Every blemish, every bump, every pore, it all felt so much more noticeable.
You pushed at the apple of your cheeks, then leaning away from the mirror to look at your body.
You turned to the side, looking at your stomach and squeezing the flesh. Dropping your arms weakly as you continued to stare at yourself.
You felt ugly. You hated it. You wanted to crawl out of your own body.
Since that was impossible, you threw on a matching pair of gray sweats. Then curling yourself into a ball under the sheets. Hiding away from the world.
About three hours later, you heard the door unlock and the sound of shoes being kicked off. Joost called out your name, stopping once he saw the sight of your back and head on the bed, the rest of you covered up by the duvet.
He knew you were awake, it was only a few minutes after 3PM.
He walked over to your side of the bed, sitting on the edge and smiling at you as he stroked your hair. He could already tell from the look on your face that you were upset.
“Hey, what’s going on?” He spoke softly, eyebrows knit together in concern.
“Nothing, I’m just a bit tired.” You shrugged, Joost let out a breath through his nose, seeing straight through your lie.
Joost was your lover, of course he knew the difference between a tired expression versus a gloomy expression on your face.
“I know it’s not that, schat. Something’s bothering you.” Your eyes darted away for a second, you were trying to decide if you should keep up this act of just being “tired” or be honest.
“It’s really nothing, Joost.”
“You keeping whatever it is bottled up is only gonna make it worse, liefje. Trust me, I would know.” Joost tutted, rubbing your thigh.
He was right, you would know as well. You’ve told him the same thing before when he’d be upset about something.
"I just..." You sighed as you sat up, already feeling embarrassed about your upcoming confession. "I haven't been feeling very pretty lately." Joosts face turned into an immediate frown.
"How? What's not pretty about you?" He sounded almost insulted, insulted by the fact you would think so negatively about you.
"My face looks wrong. My body looks wrong. I’ve got a tummy on me. I don't know. I don’t know how to explain it exactly, I just don't feel attractive." You sighed, dragging your hands down your face.
“We all have a tummy. I’ve got a tummy.” He poked his stomach, smiling looking at it and then back up at you.
You shook your head as an amused smile spread on your face, you pulled the duvet off the rest of your body due to the heat becoming uncomfortable.
“You know what I mean, Joost.” You silently groaned and put your face into your hands.
“I do. But I don’t care.” Joosts voice was smooth as he removed your hands from your face, your eyes were already watering, he let out a sympathetic hum.
“You might not think it. But you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
You knew Joost was telling the truth. Anytime he would look at you, he felt like he was looking at an a real life angel sent by God himself.
You were just too far deep in the rabbit hole of your negative self talk.
Tears began to slip from your eyes and you turned your head away, Joost still had his hands cupped lightly around your face.
“I’m sorry. You know I don’t look pretty when I cry.” You sniffled, wiping away tears with the back of your hand. “My face gets all pink and blotchy.”
Joost gently turned your face back to him, taking in all your beautiful features.
“I love your face. Even if it’s all pink and blotchy.” His words got a small laugh out of you, he grinned .
“You really think so?” You asked, voice still shaky.
“I know so.” He wiped away another tear from your cheek with his thumb. This was cliché, but you loved it. You loved him.
“I can prove it to you, if you want?” Joost raised his brows, you knew exactly what he was suggesting. You nodded happily.
He quickly put his lips against yours, kissing so passionately. So sweetly.
“I wanna make a deal, ja?” Joost said in between kisses. You nodded.
“I’m gonna show you how beautiful you are.” He kisses the corner of your mouth. “I’m going to tell you, show you until you know it’s true.” He kisses the other side. “And then…you’re gonna tell me how pretty you are, then I’ll make you cum. Ja?”
“Joost..” You mumbled out, flustered already.
“You okay with that deal?” He kissed your lips gently, brushing some hair out your face.
“Okay. Okay. We have a deal.” You giggled, eyes closing.
“Good.” He smiled, the type of smile that made you feel like you could melt straight into the sheets. He kissed you one more time before moving his lips along your jaw.
He moved his hand, rubbing his thumb softly over your bottom lip.
“You know how much I love your lips.” He ran his mouth along your jaw, before moving to hover his face over yours.
“And your nose. This cute little nose.” He gave you a peck just on the tip of your nose, tapping it after and making a little boop! noise.
His antics got a small sniffle and laugh out of you. God, he was so silly. So unserious in such an intimate moment like this. You loved it. It made your nervousness fade away.
He moved to kiss both your eyelids next, so silly.
“Your eyes, I could stare into them all day if you didn’t think it was so creepy.” He chuckled. “Zo mooi. Ik zie je gezicht in mijn dromen.” He whispered, quickly moving his mouth to your neck. Your breath hitched as he placed sloppy kisses all over it.
His mouth ran over that sweet spot that made you let out a soft whimper, you could feel his smirk against your skin.
“Mijn mooie meisje.” His breath against your neck tickled, making you inch away from it.
His hands began to slide underneath your baggy sweatshirt, sliding up and down before going up one last time and bringing your sweatshirt with him.
He soon did the same with your sweatpants as he moved his lips along your collarbones, you lifted your lips to help remove them. He tossed them on the floor, along with your top.
He pulled away from your skin to look at you in complete awe. You were a bit embarrassed due to your extremely plain underwear, you didn’t bother to put on a bra this morning. If you knew you’d be getting intimate today, you would’ve worn something nicer.
Yet Joost didn’t care, his face didn’t care at all. Still staring at you like you were a dream come true. You were.
“Can’t believe you’d want to hide such a gorgeous body like this.” He grazed his fingers down your arm, grabbing your hand and lifting it up to your mouth, kissing your knuckles.
Your hands came up unconsciously to conceal your chest. Joost didn’t let this happen. He intertwined his hands with each of yours, holding them against the mattress.
“Aw, no hiding. I wanna see these pretty tits of yours.” You bit your lip and turned your head away, surprised at his explicit words.
He quickly brought his lips to your chest, kissing all over it. Between the valley of your breasts, above and below them. Finally placing his mouth on one of them.
A sharp gasp let out of you, Joost chuckled against you. Sucking and nipping at your breast, leaving red and purpling hickies.
He took your nipple into his mouth, making you squirm and arch your back slightly, he moved one hand to your other breast. Squeezing and playing with it for a little before switching his mouths attention to that one.
He didn’t need words to tell you how much he loved your tits. The messy kisses from his mouth were enough.
He ignored the way his dick was hardening in his pants at the sounds of your whimpers and breaths of pleasure. This evening, he was focusing on you, and you only.
He trailed his lips down, stopping at your stomach. He dragged his hands down, sliding them to the sides of your waist and squeezing, making you shiver.
“You know how much I love your tummy. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve fallen asleep when I lay my head on it.” He pressed a kiss just below your bellybutton. “Such a cute stomach, I don’t get how you could be so embarrassed of such a beautiful tummy like this.”
You weren’t sure how your stomach could be beautiful. But then you remembered all the times you thought the same about Joosts, going insane over the sight of it.
“All day all I do is want to hold you. I dream about it when I’m away. Did you know that?” He looked up at you, he looked like a goddamn dream.
You shook your head and he gave you a dramatic pout.
“No? I guess I should’ve told you sooner.” He moved his hands and squeezed your hips, another giggle escaped you.
He trailed small, slow, pecks above the waistband of your underwear. Soon hooking his fingers underneath and pulling them down your legs. Kissing your thighs as he did so.
He parted your legs with gentle hands, letting out a coo of adoration at the sight of you. You blushed and bit your finger, turning your head to the side.
He brought a tattooed hand back up to the side of your face, turning your gaze back to him as his thumb smoothed over your cheek.
He smiled at you with a face of pure infatuation. Not needing words to say how he felt about you once again.
He leaned down, eloping his lips around yours as you brought your head up from the pillow, pushing into the kiss.
A finger came up to your clit, gathering your wetness, you let a shaky breath into his mouth.
“It’s okay.” He smiled. Making a beeline of kisses all the way down until his mouth stopped right above your clit.
He held onto your thighs, bringing them up and squeezing the plush of them in his hands, bending your legs.
“Oh, so soft. I’d live in between your legs if you let me.”
“Naughty boy.” You giggled.
“Just being truthful.” He shrugged, he watched in adoration as he rubbed his middle finger in between your folds, his finger already covered in your slick. “Prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
He carefully inserted his finger inside you, staring at your face with a smile, watching how your mouth parted, eyes fluttering.
He came back up as his finger slowly pushed in and out, watching your face up close as he inserted a second finger.
“You ready to tell me what you are? Hm?” You tried your best to look at him as you let out a whiny moan. Which was your way of saying “Not really.”
“No? Then I should stop here, ja?” His fingers slowly began to pull out.
“Nononono. Pleasepleaseplease.” You breathed out, grabbing his hand to keep it from fully pulling away. He let out a defeated sigh.
“You’re lucky you’re so stunning. I’ll let you get away with it for now.” He kissed your cheek.
You let go of his wrist as his fingers began to pick up their pace once again, your eyes fluttering shut and mouth parting will small gasps.
He moved his mouth back to your chest, sucking at your tits, leaving little lovebites, you knew you’d be covered in red and purple marks by tomorrow.
He continued that same pattern of kissing trailing down until he reached your cunt.
“Cmon liefje, I need you to tell me how beautiful you are.” He rubbed his head against your thigh.
You shook your head as you bit down on your lip, eyes squeezing shut, you were already close to an orgasm.
“Hm, if you’re not gonna tell me, then I guess we’ll stop here.” He shrugged, puffing out his bottom lip as he removed his fingers from you.
“No!” You whined out at the sudden emptiness, cunt clenching around nothing. “Joost, you’re being mean.” You whined, hips squirming.
“Mm, I’m being fair. You tell me you’re pretty and I will let you cum.” He flicked a finger quickly against your clit, he grinned at the way your body jerked.
“Just admit what we both know is true.” He said in a sing-song voice. You rolled your eyes, frustrated.
“If you just tell me then I’ll give you want you want, liefje.” He teased again.
“Fine. I’m pretty.” You mumbled, you saw the way Joosts face perked up.
“Speak up schatje, I cannot hear you.” He could hear you, but he wanted to hear you loud and clear.
“I’m pretty.” You said, much louder this time.
“How pretty?” He cocked his head in a mocking manner, resting it against the plush of your thigh as his fingers slowly increased their speed.
Was he really doing this? Bastard.
“Really pretty. Fuck- I’m really pretty.” You said through shaky breaths.
“Ja, keep going.” He encouraged, licking a stripe up your cunt as his fingers pumped into you, and you whined again, he loved how flustered you looked.
He was eating you out like a man starved, his tongue deep and swirling circles around your clit, you weren’t even sure you’d be able to speak any coherent words.
“I’m pretty. God, fuck- I’m really pretty, Joost.” Your back began to arch off the bed, your hand reaching down to grip his hair as he hummed against your core.
“I’m so pretty, Joost. So so pretty, please. I’m beautiful, god. Fuck. Please, I’m pretty.” You begged, repeating it like it was a mantra. This was exactly Joosts goal.
“Dat klopt.” He pulled away from you to praise, his breath fanning against your cunt before he attached his lips back to it, beginning to suck on your clit.
Joost held onto your hips to still them. Your legs began to shake and the moans leaving you were borderline pornographic, loud and dramatic. But they were real, not forced.
“Joost, please, Joost. I’m pretty. Please can I cum? Please?” You begged, tears forming in your eyes. All the teasing before this made you so sensitive.
“Go ahead.” The vibration of his voice added to the pleasure, his fingers curled inside you, hitting that sweet spot.
Finally, finally you were cumming. The waves of your orgasm crashing over you, the intensity making the tears in your eyes fall and trail down the sides of your face. Joost continued as you rode through the aftershock, squealing and crying out as your grip on his hair tightened. He moaned against your dripping core.
He finally pulled away once your moans became raspy and you were squirming around. His chin covered in your wetness while he had the most prideful cheesy grin on his face.
“Mijn prachtige meisje. You did so good. So good for me.” He whispered against your skin, pressing small kisses all around your pussy and onto your thighs. Your body twitched with each peck, already overstimulated from all the teasing he did.
He crawled back up to hover over you, wiping the tears that fell with a gentle hand. A saccharine smile on his face to match the saccharine kiss he gave you next. You were still so shaky and out of breath, eyes droopy as you looked at him.
“Feel any better?” He ran his fingers through your hair, scratching at your head, you leaned into his touch.
“Yeah…actually. Yeah.” You gave him a puzzled smile, not expecting this to actually work.
“See. I knew you’d try for me.” He smooched your forehead.
“I’m really sweaty, I need a bath.” You laughed, still breathless.
“I’ll run you one.” He sighed playfully, knowing that your words were a request.
“Will you carry me?” He let out another chuckle, shaking his head in amusement before scooping you up bridal style.
“I can never say no to you.”
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sirfrogsworth · 1 day
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I know I said going out into the world is worth the mental health boost, but I also got two vaccines and then worked in the heat cleaning out my garage for several hours and now I can't move and I haven't been able to move for several days.
I can't deny that sometimes things just need to get done. I didn't really have a choice. This is a consequence I chose and knew would occur. And I feel like I can't complain about how horrible I feel because of the deliberateness of my decision.
But I think I'm going to complain anyway because I feel like poop.
This is why the "push yourself" mentality is so dangerous to chronically ill people. Again, sometimes it cannot be helped. I haven't talked much about it yet, but I have a runway and it keeps getting shorter. And if I don't solve some very big problems before my runway ends, I could be pretty screwed. So I'm going to have to push myself on occasion and I need to try and be smart about it.
But please don't ever suggest "pushing through it" as an ongoing solution for disabled people. I've heard it so many times. There was even a time when my own father would preach from the Church of the Glorious Work Ethic™ because that is how he was raised. But it is also how he ended up with severe chronic pain and a fake hip.
Despite that, in the beginning, he would still tell me to push myself in order to accomplish things. Eventually he saw how damaging it was and how it made things worse in the long run. I was destroying my mind and body and my productivity decreased the longer I pushed myself. My recovery periods would get longer and longer and my productivity became almost nonexistent.
Conserving energy, doing a little bit at a time, and understanding how to pace myself always garnered better results. But that required patience. And patience is a skill. And for me it is a skill that I have spent two decades trying to master and I still fail more than I care to admit.
But during my first few years of being sick I had no patience. And my dad had no patience. So we were just this chaotic ball of impatience. And that was probably the only time we had trouble getting along.
"Pushing through" and ignoring pain and fatigue is the number one piece of advice that has always been catastrophic. I would encounter people with a "strong work ethic" who believed if they had my collection of chronic maladies they could just use willpower and work a proper job and live a normal life. I was just lazy in their minds. They thought accepting my circumstances and managing my symptoms was giving up. They would inform me that "everyone is tired." They would tell me how tired they are and how they still manage. And I just wish I could help them understand the most tired they have ever been is probably what I would consider a "good day."
Sometimes pushing through just puts a hole in the wall.
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tpwk-formula1 · 1 day
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hi can i get a thin crust pizza with red sauce, jalapeños, onions, dr. pepper, and dessert pls?
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Lee-Lee's Pizzeria Menu
Thin crust brothers best friend Red sauce rough sex jalapenos always such a fucking brat onions I saw you being a little slut dr pepper dirty talk dessert yes
TW - rough sex, cumming on body, getting caught, angry sex, fighting, accused of cheating.
WC 1800+
AN - Okay so I got two Anon at roughly the same time with slight differences but I think they are from the same person so I combined them together. The other one asked for the same things minus the Dr. Pepper and Ollie Bearman so I went with him.
Y/N POV
"Get back here," Ollie seethed through clenched teeth making he turn around slightly to make eye contact with him.
"Oliver leave me alone. I'm going to Kimi's room. I just need some air," I tell Ollie softly knowing we had been fighting for the past hour just going in circles neither of us being willing to apologize.
"So you're just going to walk out in the middle of this conversation," Ollie deadpans making me cross my arms across my chest growing tired of this fight.
"Ollie, I love you to death, but we are getting nowhere. We've been running in circles for the past hour. I'm surprised we haven't gotten a noise complaint or had a Prema member come knock on the door. I'm gonna go to Kimi's room for an hour. Let's both clear our heads and we'll have a conversation when I get back," I tell him softly before turning on my foot and making my way out of the Baku hotel room before going a few doors down to my little brothers room.
I invited myself into his room using the key he had given me. When I step into the hotel room I'm shocked to find Kimi sitting in bed on his phone talking to our mom. When he looks up and catches my eye he raises a brow making me shake my head knowing I didn't wanna talk about Ollie and I's fight in front of our mom.
I'm next to Kimi talking to our mom about our travels when a soft knock rang through the room making me roll my eyes knowing it was Ollie not having the patience to wait.
"Olive- Oh hi Dino," I awkwardly shift when I whip open the door getting ready to snap at Ollie but finding a confused Dino.
"Are you okay?" Dino asks softly making me roll my eyes and groan not wanting to mention the petty fight.
"It's nothing," I tell Dino stepping out of the door frame to let Dino in. When I go to close the door I find Ollie's head peaking out from our hotel room where he raises his brow at Dino coming into the room making me shake my head and close the door before going back into the room to say bye to our mom.
"Why are you here?" Kimi asks turning his attention to Dino when he hangs up the phone with our mom.
"No reason in particular, Arvid is busy so I thought I'd bug you," Dino says shrugging before plopping himself onto the couch. Kimi just shrugs his shoulders not really shocked.
"You're not gonna ask why I'm here," I scoff jokingly making Kimi look at me with the straightest face possible.
"I heard you and Ollie going at each other's throats when I came back from the Prema garage. So I'm assuming you just needed space," Kimi says seriously making Dino look at me in shock. Ollie and I have never been a couple to fight so I can see how it was shocking for Dino.
I sit on my phone while the boys talk before telling them bye and making my way back into Ollie and I's shared room.
"Awe my favorite whore is back," Ollie says the second I open the door making me stop dead in my tracks. I debate on just leaving again given Ollie hasn't calmed down in the slightest and now I'm pissed all over again.
"Come again?" I question hoping some sense hits Ollie dead in the face.
"Oh don't be dense I saw you being a little slut. You said you were going to Kimi's room to clear your head, not to hang out with Dino," Ollie says making everything click. He thought I was alone in Kimi's room before inviting Dino in. Kimi and Ollie always said hi once they got back from the garage but Kimi didn't stop in today because he had heard us fighting.
"Whatever you think happened didn't," I tell Ollie softly realizing this could be bad.
"Are you sure? Cause from my end you left to clear your head in you brother's room which happens to be empty and then a few minutes later I hear the door down the hall open and what do you know it's you happily invited Dino in," Ollie says letting his voice grow loud with each word.
"Kimi is back," I tell him softly. Ollie just rolls his eyes before making a few strides towards me before he pushes me against the wall.
"I'm supposed to believe that?" Ollie scoffs not believing the truth.
"Yes, I would never do anything like that," I tell him before Ollie rolls his eyes and leans down before crashing his lips onto mine.
"I guess I have to show you who you belong to," Ollie tells me with venom in his voice before he grips me in the back of the head and drags me to the bed where he roughly pushes me onto the bed.
When he climbed into bed he discarded his shirt before working on my clothes next. When I'm left completely bare Ollie instantly starts trailing his kisses from my lips down to my neck where he leaves a faint hickey before whispering, "Mine."
Ollie finally settles on my tits before taking a few nips at my nipples making sure I can feel his teeth but not hard enough for me to complain about it.
"Ollie please," I beg trying to grind my hips up into Ollie's crotch trying to gain friction but Ollie has other ideas cause he pushes me back down telling me to behave.
"Who made you this wet?" Ollie asks when he comes face to face with my soaked pussy. What? I can't help but love when Ollie gets like this. It was rare, but oh so good when it happened.
"You, Ollie please," I whine needing some kind of stimulation.
"Are you sure," Ollie asks with a raised brow making me throw his a serious face before nodding.
"Yes, I'm all yours Ollie. Always yours," I tell him softly making him hum in satisfaction.
When Ollie starts leaving wet kisses all over my thighs I can feel my clit start to throb before he finally moves his mouth towards my pussy when he trails his tongue from my hole to my clit collecting as much as my pussy juice before he moans softly just from tasting me.
When Ollie pulls my clit into his mouth I instantly become a moaning mess under him.
"So good," I moan which instantly grew louder when he slips two of his long fingers into my pussy making sure to hit my G-spot with each thrust.
"Oh fuck," I moan becoming quickly overwhelmed with all the pleasure coursing through my body.
"Ollie, I'm close," I moan softly stuttering from the intense pleasure.
"Hold it," Ollie groans into my pussy not letting up his movements only bringing me closer to the edge.
"I can't," I whine when I feel myself oh so close to the edge.
It was inevitable, but the second the words left my mouth I started cumming all over Ollie's fingers and tongue.
"God, you never listen. Always such a fucking brat," Ollies says after helping me ride my orgasm out. When he pulled away he sent a firm slap down right on my pussy making me whine and try to close my legs not wanting another one.
"Keep your legs open," Ollie says while standing up from the bed. I watch him closely as he starts to strip his jeans and briefs making my mouth water slightly.
When Ollie climbs back into the bed he almost instantly slips his cock right into my pussy making me gasp at the intrusion.
"Ollie, fuck," I moan, making Ollie groan feeling my pussy clench tightly around his thick cock.
"So big, baby," I whine while feeling Ollie start to thrust into my pussy.
"God, you're so fucking tight," Ollie groans leaning his face down into my neck to give it a soft nip.
"Ollie," I gasp out when I feel Ollie bring his hand down to my clit to bring me more pleasure.
"I can feel you clenching me on my cock baby. Does Dino make you feel this good?" Ollie spits out making me whine.
"Ollie, you know damn well I didn't fuck him," I stutter back still overwhelmed with pleasure.
"And for the love of God don't bring up another man while you fuck me this good," I snap at him making him chuckle softly before he double downs and starts fucking me even harder.
"I'm gonna cum," I announce before I start cumming all over Ollie's cock again. Cumming around Ollie's cock triggered Ollie to pull out and starts cumming ropes of his hot cum all over my tummy. Once he's done painting my body he slowly climbs out of the bed getting a rag to clean me up.
"I love you," Ollie whispers once he climbs into bed and pulls me into his chest.
"I love you too, but Ollie you need to listen before jumping to conclusions," I reply back softly while stroking his cheek.
"I know, I was just upset after quali and I know it's no excuse but then I saw you letting Dino in and it just broke my heart," Ollie tells me softly making me cuddle into his side more trying to resolve the issue.
"I promise Kimi was in the room. He said he heard us fighting so Im assuming that's why he didn't stop in and say hi," I tell him softly while tracing my fingers around his toned chest.
"Oh my God, you mean to tell me Kimi heard me yelling at his sister? I'm a fucking dead man walking," Ollie groans making me laugh.
"I'm sure if he felt like you would hurt me he would have come in, He has a key," I tell Ollie softly and as soon as the words leave my mouth our hotel door is opened by none other than my brother with a key.
"OH MY GOD," Kimi yells shielding his eyes as if Ollie and I weren't covered by a blanket.
"Don't be dramatic Adrea Kimi, what the fuck to you want," I ask pulling the blanket even further up my body feeling awkward.
"I just wanted to know if you guys wanted to come to dinner with Dino and I but I don't think I can sit through a dinner knowing you guys just did THAT," Kimi says making Ollie and I both chuckle softly.
"I don't think Ollie needs to be near Dino right now," I joke softly making Ollie shove me laughing along with me.
"We'll pass but tomorrow after the Grand Prix wanna grab dinner together?" Ollie says making plans with Kimi and Dino for us.
When Kimi leaves the room I can hear him announce loudly exactly what Ollie and I were doing. I can only hope it was just Dino in the hallway.
"I'm sorry if I overreacted," Ollie says softly placing a kiss on my forehead.
"It's okay, especially if you fuck me like that when it happens," I tease making Ollie grow red.
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lowkeyrobin · 2 days
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hiii! hope you’re having a good day/night/whatever :D i was wondering if you could do something where the reader was fives (almost ?) s/o and then after learning about him and lila theyre upset. and then reader and diego sort of bond over the feeling and find solace in their friendship with each other. i mean this in like a thing for diego sort of way, the five thing is just a backstory. sorry if this is hard to understand english is hard
oooo okay this is cool!! ; and don't worry it's not hard to understand at all! your English is very good 🫶 ; but we are gonna pretend five wasn't trapped in his teenage body for all the time reader would've known him or wtv 💀 cause the physical and mental gap between diego and five is diabolical and idk how else to make it not weird. I usually say and enforce that I won't recognize the five/lila thing as canon but this is relevant to the story and I need diego requests lol. ; but uh yeah!! thank you for requesting, I hope you enjoy!! ; also the ending part lowkey sucks I'm sorry
DIEGO HARGREEVES ; it's called moving on
summary ; after Five and Lila get trapped in the subway, they have a double affair on you and Diego. after saving the world, you both bond over it and move on (to each other)
warnings ; language, cheating, arguing / physical fighting, knives, alcohol
disclaimers ; five is in the physical body of a 30-ish year old to make this not creepy as hell on any parts. I have a distinct hatred for whatever tf happened w Lila and Five so don't expect to see anything nice about them... ; also reader is a sparrow, didn't wanna get incest-y in here...
word count ; 1.5k
masterlist
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Klaus, Allison, and Luther sit on the couch, watching over the kids while you and Diego rush to the door. Five and Lila had been MIA for hours now, you were both growing worried. Luckily, it was them standing at the doorstep.
"Where've you been?" Diego asks, slightly worried. "It's been hours"
"Seven, at that" you raise an eyebrow at Five. "You've never just gone MIA for that long. Did you find anything out on how to stop all this shit? Cause we did"
Five is unable to look you in the eye. "Uh, not really. What'd you learn?"
"Well, for one, Dad's alive, so is our mother... I think?" you begin, pulling him inside. "She's not really our mom, but she's Dad's wife, or whatever. Our actual birth mother's are alive in this timeline. And your Ben died because your Reginald shot him in the head! We think fate is coming together cause my Ben and Jennifer are together and we have to stop them-"
Diego and Lila step in behind you, joining you all in the living room. Lila's family stand in the kitchen, coming together to make some Christmas dinner food for the upcoming days. You can't help but notice both Five and Lila can't look you in the eye, how they look tired and haven't spoken damn near a word.
You four stand in the middle of the living room, shoes off to Lila's family's rules, your socks digging into the carpet. Allison, Luther, and Klaus part their attention between the kids and you four.
Diego looks down at Lila's wrist, seeing a glare from the sunlight outside on something she was wearing. He quickly grabs her wrist, confused of what she could've been wearing, as she didn't like bracelets, at least not store bought ones. She wouldn't have gone on a run to get herself a bracelet, right? I mean, what?
Diego furrows his brows at her while you press a chaste kiss to Five's forehead.
"I thought you hated bracelets?" Diego mutters, grabbing the attention of the siblings who sit on the couch.
Lila looks at him with fake confusion, trying to brush it off. "No, I don't"
"Yeah, you do" Diego nods. "I got you one for Valentine's Day and you traded it in for a Dyson vacuum."
You and Five look to Diego and Lila, listening in.
Lila is silent. "I don't like store bought ones. I kept the bracelet you made for me in that mental institution"
She had him on that one.
"Who made it, then?" Diego asks firmly.
She's silent. Five looks away from Diego.
Diego looks to him, then back at Lila. He frees Lila's wrist from his grasp, staring Five down. You look between him, Diego, and Lila, connecting the dots.
"Five?" You question, eyebrows furrowed, your voice unsure.
Diego reaches for his back pocket.
Five stuffs his hands in his pockets, head held low.
"Is there something going on between you two?" Diego asks nervously, looking between Five and Lila.
"Diego-" Lila speaks
"Holy shit, wow" Diego scoffs, looking down at her.
Klaus' jaw drops, Luther and Allison beside him share shocked expressions. You look back at the three, unable to react as you're caught frozen in the moment.
"Woah"
"Holy shit"
"I didn't see that one coming"
"Holy shit, I was right" Diego looks between the two, "I knew you were cheating on me!"
You shove Five into the wall, far enough away from the TV and the kids to not effect them physically. Diego hurls a knife at him, just missing his skull by a few centimeters, a purposeful act. He merely did it to scare Five. The knife creates a hole in the wall and a loud thudding noise that catches the family's attention.
Diego turns his attention back to Lila, you looking over your shoulder to listen. "I knew you were cheating on me at that book club"
Lila sighs. "I wasn't cheating on you... not when you thought I was"
You turn back to Five, lips slightly parted, your expression soft yet heavy. He isn't able to speak a word to you. He steps away from the stabbed wall, walking toward you. He reaches for you and you push him away.
"Y/n-"
"No!" you shudder, then speak firmly. "Get away." you back away toward Diego, unable to look at him.
"Maybe we should go-" Luther speaks, seeing how the three were witnessing an awful thing right now.
"No, we're not going anywhere" Allison replies, an arm over him to prevent him from going anywhere.
Diego steps forward, looking at Five in the eye. "Five, did you s-k-r-e-w my wife?" he spells out 'screw' since a bunch of kids under thirteen sit no more than six feet away.
"Screw is spelled s-c-r-e-w" Grace chimes in with a smile, unaware of the situation because of her small little mind.
Klaus snorts, failing at holding back laughter. Allison bites her tongue while Luther deeply sighs, keeping his laughter at bay.
Five bites his lip before slowly nodding.
"What the fuck?!" you exclaim, slinging a quick punch to his face, causing his nose to bleed.
He groans, holding a hand to his nose. He doesn't rebute, knowing he deserved that and much more.
"Are you kidding me?" you question, looking between Five and Lila. "What the actual shit is wrong with you two?!"
Lila's family peers through the kitchen door, halfway understanding what you all were saying as they weren't perfectly fluent with English. You wished you could speak Punjabi to tell them how their daughter cheated and how your boyfriend was a fucking homewrecker.
"Y/n, please," Lila speaks, trying to calm you, holding a hand out to you.
You slap her hand away, and back up toward the siblings on the couch. Klaus holds a hand over his mouth, Luther watches in silence, Allison bites her tongue.
"You're fucking unbelievable."
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You cut contact with Five, Diego cut most contact with Lila and kept the kids 70% of the time. Lila paid child support, the extent of their conversations other than the kids.
It'd been a few years since your brother had to be killed. You'd been struggling a lot. In between Ben's death and the whole Five and Lila thing, you weren't okay, you didn't think you ever would be.
Most the family didn't talk to either one after the whole incident. They'd luckily sided with you and Diego. Allison still talked to Lila, but she'd created herself a whole new life, so the two didn't talk that much.
Life moves on, shit happens.
You lived near Diego, the two of you often going out with the kids to still create some sort of happy family dynamic for them. From lunch to movies, to road trips and rollercoasters, you'd do anything for those kids. You felt so bad knowing there was no way to repair Diego and Lila's relationship, wishing the kids got to have more time as a proper family.
Diego sat with you on the couch, no kids in trail this time. They were with Lila this weekend. Fruity concoctions rest in your hands, the television in front of you playing some dumbass action movie.
"People clearly don't like three children on the man they're going on a date with," Diego chuckles. "My kids come first, sorry."
You smile. "At least you're humbled and know what you're living for, what's important."
He raises an eyebrow, confused about what you're implying.
You see that look and clarify. "I dunno what I'm living for anymore. My brother's dead. My ex cheated on me and all I feel is fucking angry day in and day out. I don't know anymore"
Diego's face grows soft. "Moving on isn't easy."
You nod. "It's harder to do it alone"
He's silent for a moment before speaking up. "Maybe we don't have to do it alone?"
You raise an eyebrow. "What're you implying, Di?"
He shrugs, looking into your eyes. "Whatever you want to think I'm implying"
"...but the kids, that's gonna be so confusing-"
"You love the kids. I know you do. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been on all these adventures with us, you wouldn't have asked me yourself to make plans and come over. I know you feel the way I do."
You're both quiet, thinking over your own and the other's words.
"Maybe" you shrug.
"Maybe? I'm allowed to get my hopes up?"
"Calm down, pal" you chuckle. "Not so soon, let's like... ask the kids. I'd feel bad not asking how they felt. They're my priority, they come before us"
Diego nods. "Glad you feel that way. We should get married ASAP." he chuckles, nudging you with his shoulder.
You smile, taking a sip of your beverage. "Feels wrong to even think about this, y'know?"
"It's called moving on. It's normal, I promise"
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jakemyboy · 2 years
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Space dog. If the background were trees it would be tree dog. If doughnuts, doughnut dog. Space dog sounds nice fortunately.
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cerise-on-top · 6 months
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Could I ask for some fluff of a Hank x Reader x 2BDamned? If that's okay, please!
Hello! Of course you can! Here you go!
Poly 2BHank x Reader Fluff
I would say that the both of them are rather busy people, so you won’t be spending too much time together. It’s not like they can make too much time for each other either, though. However, they’ll try. It’s fairly risky for everyone involved, especially for you. If you’re not part of S.Q. then you’ll likely become the target of some attack if you’re seen with Doc. If you’re seen with Hank, if people can tell you’re affiliated with him, then they’ll attack you as well. So really, you’ll be at a disadvantage either way. However, it’s not like either of them feel like going out too much with you. Yes, Hank will want to get some hot dogs with you at some point since he does like those, but after a mission he’s usually torn as a rag and just wants to sleep. Doc is well aware of the dangers he poses towards your wellbeing, so he actively chooses to not go out with you too much either. However, that doesn’t mean that the three of you can’t be lovey dovey at home. It’s very rare to see Hank and Doc cuddle properly with each other, but it happens. Neither of them are touchy people, but sometimes you just desire the touch of a loved one, so you might catch Hank sitting on the floor next to Doc from time to time, his head in his lap. Hank could fall asleep like this too, actually, but he wants to protect you and Doc, so he usually doesn’t. Doc sometimes has a hand on Hank’s shoulder and gently rubs it to show he’s there for him, but he needs his other hand to go through files. If you join Hank on his endeavours, cuddling up to Doc yourself, then the grunt will sigh in feign annoyance and get away from his work for some time to give the two of you some attention. You can get him to settle down for the night like this as well, but he will only begrudgingly do so. 2B may not be the cuddliest person out there, and neither is Hank, but he does enjoy some physical touch from time to time. You will likely switch it up when it comes to cuddling. While you may be the little spoon now, chances are you’ll be the big spoon next time. 2B and Hank are versatile like that. While Hank may prefer holding someone as he falls asleep, if he’s not headed to bed then he can go either way.
Although it’s rare for Hank to show his softer side, he will do so for you and Doc only. Sometimes he’ll come back from a mission, bloody and almost entirely disassembled, holding a few flowers he found. Maybe even a nice scarf or a cool weapon. Despite being a very confident grunt, he knows he can easily protect you, he does believe that you having a weapon yourself would help you with defending yourself. Sometimes he’ll get you a nice katana, one like he has. Other times you can expect a rocket launcher or chainsaw from him as well. His metaphorical tail starts wagging whenever either you or Doc accept his gifts and thank him. He did a good job on this one, you will be safe and sound from here on out. Give him a nice pat, either on his arm or head, and he’ll happily grunt away. Doc pats Hank from time to time and Hank absolutely loves it. However, only you and Doc are allowed to do that, anyone else will be dealt with immediately. Hank definitely doesn’t mind being treated like a dog from time to time. If he’s in a good mood you can call him a good boy and put his face in your hands, he eats that right up. Be enthusiastic about it as well and he’ll lightly headbutt you. Don’t get mad at him for doing so, he doesn’t know what to do with these positive emotions, so he goes straight for gentle violence again.
Going on dates with the two of them mostly consists of something simple. Doc usually suggests Burger Gil’s since no one cares that Hank is there. People are there for the food, not to get mauled by Hank, so they usually leave you alone. Sometimes the three of you go to take a look at the red sun on a cliff as well, though, and reminisce about the better times. Hank still remembers the greenery that used to be in Nevada. He doesn’t remember it well since he doesn’t miss it in the slightest, but he’s lived a good chunk of his life surrounded by plants. Doc barely remembers them, but he still thinks back on them fondly. While neither of the two of them may be sentimental people, they do like discussing the past. There’s always something new to be learned about each other. There’s this unspoken trust between the three of you, so you know each other better than anyone else. For example, you know that Hank likes being picked up, even if he’s far too tall and heavy for that these days. Sometimes you pretend to try and pick him up just to make him feel good. One fact you’ve learned about Doc is that he sometimes, when you and Hank are asleep, likes to hold one hand of each of you. Sometimes he can’t sleep well, or at all, so he opts to spend that time resting from time to time. He won’t particularly go all out in holding you since he doesn’t wanna risk waking you, you’re both extremely tired, after all, but he does like holding your hands, sometimes playing with your fingers as well. He denies this, but you both know it happens. Sometimes Hank makes fun of Doc for it in his usual demeanour, but he secretly loves it. Hank’s favourite activity aside from killing and maiming is helping you and Doc out with whatever you need, even if it’s just holding the wrench. Doc loves showing you his creations. While he knows you likely won’t understand a word he’s saying, he explains them to you anyway. Besides, if he’s made a mistake thinking it over, then he’s more likely to find it while talking. Besides, he gets to spend time with you, what else could he possibly want?
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zebratimw · 1 year
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#svsss#scum villains self saving system#shang qinghua#how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg#I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg#how nice it would be to not exist#everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate#time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times#I haven't felt real in most of those years either#Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times#tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias#I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it#but at the same time I really want to do more too#I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person#and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig#I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg#priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore#idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things#like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing?#Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything#I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me#I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha#ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so#chug chug going along#I also have to make wushi before I die. haha#god my life is so empty#what am I even doing#I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this?#so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much#I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more
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egg-emperor · 2 months
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so gonna be real I barely do life updates here anymore but I've got some bullshit coming up in my personal life that's not looking good. I said I was working on finding out what's wrong with my health from doctors and getting help for a bunch of stuff in my life in general and getting a support system and stuff and I was and it was going well and things were looking up
but now I've been forcefully inducted into some programme thing to push me into doing something I'm physically incapable of doing with my disability but it's apparently mandatory or I'll lose some of the support. I don't know why they decided I can when they know of my issues (and they haven't even recieved the form where they're supposed to be checking for my capability yet so wtf) but apparently there's no way for me to opt out and it's going to last for a year at least
and I've seen a lot of negative things about this program when I wasn't even seeking bad reviews, the majority is negative. so my life might be about to go to shit for a while and I'm already feeling miserable and it hasn't even started yet lol. this may genuinely badly affect my mental and physical health which I've been working so hard to deal with lately so it's very upsetting and stressful
I hope it's not going to take up all my time and I can still be as active as I want to be here because it's one of the things that actually brings some brightness to my life. I also hope all the stress it's going to put me through doesn't affect my behavior here and seep into what I do but I'll try my hardest not to let that happen because my blog is one of the very few positive things in my life atm
best case scenario is they realize I can't do this and take me off it but it's not looking good. that would be more likely in a perfect world where people could take invisible (well mostly invisible for me) disabilities seriously. because I'm not even that hopeful about the doctor stuff at this point, maybe it's just because it's taking so damn long for the referrals I need for them to check me out in the areas needed but I don't know if they'll even find out what's up with my chronic pain and or if I'll get a diagnosis
so yeah I think I'm actually just screwed and life is about to become even more painful and exhausting for me than it already is and a hell of a lot more stressful as a result but maybe if it leads to my health worsening like fainting in front of people again it'll be enough for them to see that this was a bad idea haha. I mean first of all my first meeting about this has been booked for me the day I'm literally taking an 24 hour ECG test because they won't even let the doctors try to finally find out what's wrong with me before pushing me to do this ffs
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difeisheng · 5 months
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chanting at my reflection in the mirror trying to convince myself that short fic has its place in fandom and the fact that nothing i've posted in the last few years has been longer than perhaps 2k at most is not failure as a writer
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probayern · 1 month
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i miss germany, i miss the euros, i miss june
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gosh FUCK everything was so EASY three months ago!!!! and now I can't stop worrying about everything my body is doing all the time!!! is this tiredness fatigue am I eating too much sugar how long do I have until I end up diabetic is that tingling in my hands neuropathy am I hungrier than I should be why am I tired when I haven't eaten since breakfast why am I tired after I eat what's this and what's that and I just can't get my brain to fucking shut up. I KNOW the facts and I know that I'm fine so why can't I stop turning it over and over in my head!!!
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chrisbangs · 9 months
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hello... (and bye ig 👋)
#👋😭 hi...#i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone#i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭#i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh...#uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂#i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but#i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause#i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say...#i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu#it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media /#without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao#i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy#pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on#i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a#depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think#i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just#sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ????#i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become#even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it#i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it#like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi#i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda#makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd#not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what#they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling#anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀#i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say#this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel#like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭#who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡
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kyouka-supremacy · 3 months
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Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)
#Today has been so long 😭😭😭 I've been out the whole day studying and when I came back I spent more than one hour to cook my probably gone–#bad chicken (and rice and spinach) and then I couldn't even eat it because it was my turn to clean the kitchen at the dorm (which is the–#third following day I'm doing) (worth mentioning I'm running on 5 hours of sleep)#And I was goofing around with my friends but while doing so I. made fun of the landlord. And then one friend told me “hey girl he's right–#outside” and like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I hope I die painfully. I need to be back next year and he already makes my life hard enough and hhhhhhhhhhh#I wasn't even like. Serious. It was just to joke around with my friends I don't have anything against him (except for the things I do)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And now I feel so embarrassed I have no appetite at all + the chicken (which I had to bring home through one hour walk in summer which–#probably wasn't good for it. And then froze one day past the expiration day) (I really need to get better eating habits) I had been–#preparing despite taking one hour to cook it I got the firing wrong and now it's all hard and honestly not very good and like 😭😭😭#Look at what you did to the (frankly already diseased) chicken#I feel so betrayed by everything 😭😭😭 Can life get a little easier#I'm mostly kidding I'm doing okay. I just need to rant because I CAN'T GET OVER THE LANDLORD THING MAN HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT IT.#This kind of things always haunts me for at least three days so 😭😭😭#I'm dead tired but I really wanted to answer asks today so. Probably doing so between today and tomorrow#Rant over sending lots of l love 💞💞#random rambles#In my defense it's not my fault I'm too poor to throw the chicken away 😪😪 I haven't eaten since forever#It's also not my fault I can't afford a new non sticking pan so I have to stick (ah) to the probably toxic one#It is very much my fault for messing up the chicken cooking temperature tho lol
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radicheart · 3 months
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whispers-of-masser · 1 year
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Dragon's Tongue
✧ Nebarra x human!LDB, ft. Xelzaz & Khash ✧ Fluff, minor angst; 1300+ words ♫ "You And I (Stripped)" - PVRIS ✒ Something short n sweet today, I'm feeling soft
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Nebarra was loath to admit it to himself, and he'd die before ever saying it aloud, but the Rift really was beautiful. Nothing compared to Alinor, to be sure, but... all the gold reminded him of home. And when he passed by a small, isolated farm, he could almost see himself on its porch, see his brother leaning against the door.
The illusions were younger, happier versions of themselves. So much more innocent, faces bright with naivety, eyes shining with plans for the future.
And then he'd gone to war.
He'd lost... so much of himself, in the deserts of Hammerfell. They had scorched and burned him inside and out, slowly bleeding him dry with every comrade he saw fall. And all that, for what? For all the Altmer's supposed superiority, the campaign had failed on all fronts – Hammerfell's walls and people defied them, and Cyrodiil remained in power, weakened but still unbroken.
How could the Thalmor still strut about, arrogant to Aetherius and back, when they had failed so miserably? How could they look at the faces of the families whose children and lovers they'd sent to die and only tell them they'd "served their purpose"?
Nebarra couldn't.
He couldn't face them at all. Not even through pen and paper, leagues away from ever having to look them in the eyes, ever having to see the pain and loss in their gaze.
Where the Thalmor were heartless, he was a coward.
And he didn't know which was worse.
~~~
Night fell, and you called the group to halt, to make camp until dawn. Nebarra set up the tent as you argued with Xelzaz, trying to convince him that no, he shouldn't summon a flame atronach and then kill it for its fire salts, no matter how good it would make dinner taste. Khash merely looked on, muching on some clover she'd picked up somewhere.
At last though, you got Xelzaz to relent, though he asked you to gather some herbs in exchange, listing off the plants he wanted you to find.
"Ah... and take Nebarra with you."
The elf froze. Turned slowly towards the lizard. Demanded, "What? Why?"
"Two eyes are better than one," he shrugged, "and that much safer, as well. We don't know what's out there, and I'm pretty sure we passed a necromantic altar on our way here."
At that, you groaned, head rolling back like a teenager who'd just been told to do their chores. "Gods, not another one. Why do we always seem to run into those?"
"Luck of the Dragonborn? Anyway, off with you now – I have to get set up. Let's see, in whose pack did I leave my cooking pot...? Khash! Come help me with this!"
And just like that he walked off, leaving you and Nebarra alone by the campfire. A chuckle escaped you, and he glanced over to see you shaking your head. "I'm surprised he didn't tell us to hold hands, too, so we don't lose each other in the dark."
"Yeah, I'm not holding your hand," Nebarra snarked. And it was true. Absolutely true. Totally, one-hundred percent true.
"Oh wow, Nebs, that one almost hurt." Your soft laugh seemed to echo in his ears, his mind. "Come on, let's go – I don't suppose you heard any of the plants he wants?"
Blue and yellow mountain flowers, to restore and fortify. Purple for rejuvenation, and to give to Khash. Scaly pholiota for fiber and strengthening. Wild gourds and dragon's togue for flavour.
He snorted from behind his helm. "That would require paying attention to him."
"Should have known," you sighed. "Alright, listen up before I forget: blue, yellow, and purple mountain flowers, scaly pholiota, and dragon's tongue. And be careful with the purple mountain flowers, they're gifts for Khash. Oh, he also wants some wild gourds. Got it?"
"...Yeah, yeah. Let's just get going."
He definitely hadn't feigned ignorance just to hear your voice some more. Definitely not.
~~~
"Ah, back at last! Perfect," Xelzaz said, stirring something in a pot over the fire. "Now I can get the real meal started."
"Then what's this?" Nebarra demanded as Xelzaz handed him a bowl, in exchange for the plants the Altmer carried. Even through his gauntlets he could feel its warmth, and a rich, savory scent drifted up through the slits of his helmet.
"Something amazing, from the smell," you sighed, and Nebarra didn't have to look to know you were drooling.
"Just a little sometime to hold you over," the Argonian demurred, handing you a bowl as well. "Thought I'd experiment with some of the flora I've gathered thus far."
That gave Nebarra pause. "Wait – experiment? That's settled, I'm not eating this."
"If you don't want it–"
Your words were drowned out by Khash's eager shout of, "I'll eat it! I'll take your bowl!" She rushed over to him, red eyes trained on the food.
"Khash, you had your share," Xelzaz chided. "Any more and you won't have room for the rest of dinner."
"Yes, I will! I have room for anything you make."
"She's got a point," you laughed, and Nebarra slowly, wordlessly handed her the bowl.
"I'll go keep watch," he grumbled, turning away.
"Oh, don't be like that! Nebarra!" When he didn't respond, you sighed, calling after him, "Alright, go sulk! I'll make sure Xelzaz doesn't poison your share, though you kind of deserve it!"
His back still towards you, Nebarra raised his hand in a rude gesture, and your laughter rang through the night.
Some thirty minutes later, he heard footsteps approaching; he didn't need to turn to know it was you. Your tread was distinct from the others, weighted with determination and confidence, whereas Xelzaz's was soft and steady, and Khash's light and hesitant.
"Here. Eat." Despite the short words, your tone was gentle, and Nebarra looked over to see you holding a plate out towards him, laden with a slab of meat and wild berries to the side. "It's delicious, and unpoisoned."
"How would you know?" he sniffed, catching a whiff of the food in the process. It... did smell amazing. "Did you try it?"
"I did, actually. Stole some of your steak when Xelzaz wasn't looking. And since I'm still standing here pestering you, I guess that means it's clean."
Nebarra paused, eyes training on your face. Half of it was wreathed in shadow, only the gleam of your eyes visible; the other half was illuminated by the campfire, revealing the soft smile you wore.
You... had a nice smile.
And before he could stop himself, he mumbled, "You're not... pestering me."
Surprise flickered in your gaze – surprise, and something else. Something he told himself he didn't recognise, refused to recognise.
After a moment, you said softly, "That's... good to hear, then. Because I have something else for you, too." Reaching down with your free hand, you pulled something from your belt and held it out before him. "I saved one, 'cause it reminded me of you."
Nebarra stared. There, held gently between your fingers, was a dragon's tongue flower, petals open wide and colours vibrant in full bloom. "This... reminded you of me?"
"It's gold. Just like you."
"...You really do have trouble with your eyesight, don't you? These are orange."
"Eh, close enough." You shrugged, the smile never leaving your face.
Slowly, Nebarra reached out and, ignoring the plate of food, took the flower carefully, delicately from your grasp, cradling it in his palm. "...Am I supposed to say thank you?"
"You just did." As he raised a brow from the shadows of his helm, you set the plate on a nearby rock and tapped the gauntlet that held the flower. "You accepted it."
He couldn't deny it. "Think you got me all figured out then, huh?"
Something in your smile shifted, your gaze flickering. "No. Not yet, anyways. But... I think I'd like to." And with that, you turned on your heel and walked away, leaving him alone in the dark, stunned.
And that night, as he sat in the shadows of the campfire, he stared at the flower for a long, long time.
#nebarra#nebarra skyrim#skyrim nebarra#skyrim#tes 5#whisper writes#finally wrote that thing from my tags ages ago#and by ages i mean like a week lmaoo#also i now officially have the headcanon now that khash likes to munch on clovers and i don't know what to do with this thought#anyway in other news im so tired?? like for some reason writing Just Tonight REALLY drained me#i dont know how to describe it other than the fact that writing it felt like.... it took something from me?#idk man maybe i just burnt myself out a little; i haven't written so much and been so intent about it in actual years#tragically im not even happy about how it turned out but tbfh when is an artists ever satisfied with their own work??? neverrrr#im so tired man lol#i wanna keep working on the second part of just tonight and I have ideas for it but i just.... cannot right now lol#anyway off to play more skyrim and hopefully recharge#starting an altmer mage/college of winterhold playthough with only altmer followers#so that means im grabbing nebs; caryalind; taliesin; rumarin; idrinth; and eventually Telmiltarion since I downloaded summerset isle too#he has a standalone verison that doesnt require the full mod but#figured i'd play through the whole thing at least once since it ties into the cow story anyways#help why does “college of winterhold” abbreviate to fuckin COW I just noticed😭#anywho... ive never actually played with tel or idrinth before so im actually a little nervous; i hope i like them lol#wanted to try daegon too but then i saw she was pulled for updates and was like nuuuuu#might see about posting a screenie once i've got the whole crew together#anyway im off to go play for reals this time lol bye
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