#haven't been able to go into editing mode in weeks

[eliashirsch]

hahahahha what a great time i'm having

this is the first page... the first page. i've got 99 more to go hahaha

do y'all remember when i said i wanna be done by the end of september? so that means i have to edit 10 pages a day. it wouldn't be a chore if i'm not at school, but then again i have managed before. so i will manage this time too.

[darkenamour]

Platonic Daddy! Yandere! Wilson Fisk x Little! Willing! Reader x Reluctant! Platonic Mommy! Vanessa Fisk

This was messily written. I wrote as it came to me. I will edit this.

Warnings: Kidnapping, Gun Violence, Violence, Human Trafficking, Yandere Behavior, Forced Relationships, Forced Breastfeeding.

KingPin (DareDevil series/comics) inspired.

Summary: You started working in a shady restaurant and met a scary regular. Somehow you ended up kidnapped and with a new set of "parents"

You were just a waiter at a restaurant, nobody really. All you did was wait tables all day at some restaurant that never had a full house since you've worked there. One man was a regular, he would come in four times a week for dinner. He wasn't the only regular, but he was the most memorable regular. With his enormous height, heavyset body, complete bald head, stark white suit, and bright blue eyes, he was utterly noticeable.

The only other waiter, the first time he came, was intimidated by his physique so you had to be the one to take his order. The man looked so tired, as if he just woken up, and it compelled you to give him a cup of coffee on the house. He ordered two different plates and a fountain drink, of which he had three refills. You waited on him like any other person, cracked a few jokes, and wished him a good day. Before he left, his plates and cup empty, he personally gave you a tip and thanked you for the coffee. The tip was a fifty dollar bill.

It wasn't completely unknown to you that more unsavory people would come into the restaurant. Ranging from small-time thugs to ring leaders of criminal organizations. It was a blessing and a curse for the restaurant and its employees. Everyone actually paid for their meals, some would leave big tips like the man, and it kept the business going. There would be times someone would get too much and create a ruckus, once there was a shoot out once, which you thankfully didn't witness. Because of the danger you were able to easily get a job, a job you desperately needed.

Ever since you graduated, you haven't been able to land a job due to inexperience. As the years went by you were desperate to find a way to no longer be a burden on your family. So you decided to walk around the more dangerous parts of the city and found a help wanted sign in the window. Your coworkers were great, the chefs were friendly enough, and your boss, the owner, gave you a decent wage. It was truly a blessing even if the environment was dangerous.

It had been six months of working, two months of knowing your memorable regular ("Call me Wilson."), when you witnessed your first shooting. A customer was complaining about their food, a street thug, and gave your coworker a hard time. Your regular, the large man, was just about to tell you his order when a shot rang out. The thug had just shot your coworker, your friend, and your fight or flight response came in. You were in fight mode.

Grabbing the first empty chair in arms reach, you slammed the chair on the back of the fleeing thug's head. They went down hard, dropping their gun, and cursing you. Their two friends got out their own guns and pointed at you, before they could shoot, a large shadow towered over you.

"Now, that's no way to treat a lovely lady." Wilson, your regular, said in a gravelly voice. The others paled and lowered their guns.

"Lovely lady my ass, she busted my skull open." The thug on the ground shouted, still turning around holding his head. "I'm gonna fucking kill the bitch." As he turned around and saw Wilson, he also paled. "Mr. Fisk, sir, I didn't see you there." He stammered.

Your friend groaned, holding their side, you dropped the chair and went to their side. It looked like they were shot in the leg, you took off your apron and put pressure on the wound.

"Look, I didn't know you came to this joint." The thug continued to stammer. Ambulance and police sirens could be heard outside. "Listen, I'll never come back to this place, I promise."

"That's a promise you can keep behind bars." You heard the guy scramble, a loud wet crunch, and a scream. You looked up to see Wilson stepping the thug's hand, that was reaching for his gun. His friends ran out in a panic, the police came in to take the thug and question everyone. Your friend was taken to the hospital.

When your family heard what happened, they begged you to quit, find another job. You compromised with them, sending your resume to different job openings, only quitting when somewhere else hires you. Wilson still stayed a regular, still giving you large tips, and your coworker came back a month later. Everything went back to normal, but you never received a call back from the places you applied.

When it was your anniversary of working at the restaurant, your coworkers set up a small party after closing. It was dark when everyone started to go home. As you approached your car someone behind you covered your face with a cloth and your world went dark.

Voices shouted around you as you woke up.

"I'm just saying this is a bad idea."

"Please, that Chinese bitch asked for girls, she didn't say from where."

"But, the Kingpin's rules."

"I don't give a shit about his rules. He broke my fucking hand and almost sent me to prison. All over some fat bitch in a shitty joint."

You noticed you were tied up and your mouth was taped shut. You were in the back of a van with two other girls in the same position. One girl started to panic and screamed behind her closed mouth.

"Shut them the fuck up." You look up and notice the thug that shot your coworker and his friends.

The one sitting in the back took out a needle syringe and injected the screaming girl with it. After a while the girl went limp.

"Shot them all up, we're almost there and I don't want any of them struggling." After a sharp pinch the world was no more.

The next time you woke up, you were naked and in a room with other girls. They were either naked like you, or wore plain lingerie that barely covered anything. After a while someone threw a bag filled with plain lingerie, and you noticed you, and other bigger girls, were the only one left without clothes. Later water bottles were thrown in, only enough for half of the girls. Some girls were selfish and hogged a whole bottle, others shared. What felt like a whole day, a few buffer men came in and took a few girls by force. The next day more men came in to take more girls. It kept repeating, after the fifth time you and the other bigger girls got lingerie. More girls were brought in.

After what felt like two weeks, you were nibbling on some stale bread when they took all the bigger girls. You were terrified, wondering what will happen to you. You and girls were lined up in front of a group of people, a girl squeezed your hand and you squeezed back. When you looked around, you were surprised to see Wilson in the group. He also seemed surprised when his eyes landed on you.

"As you can see Mr. Fisk, we in fact respect your wishes." An Asian man in front of an elderly woman said. She was sitting in a chair and said something in her native tongue. "I always make sure to leave your territory alone, never picking from your fields."

"Is that so?" Wilson said. He stepped forward and took out his hand. "Come here, y/n." He called out. You clutched onto the other girl. "It's all right, sweetheart, I'm here to take you home."

The old woman shouted. "I'm sorry, but I think you're mistaking the merchandise for someone else." The man then tried soothing the old woman in their native tongue.

You felt your eyes water at being called merchandise, you were a human, not a thing. Wilson called out your name again. You let go of the girl. He said he would take you home and you wanted to go home.

When you reached him, you threw your arms around his middle and cried into his chest. He patted your head and rubbed your back. "It's alright, it's alright. Now tell me, who brought you here?"

"The guy that shot my friend and his friends." You said between sobs.

"My poor little sunshine, you must have been so scared." He kissed the top of your hair. "Don't worry, everything will be alright now." He used his strength to leave you in his arms. You buried your face in his shoulder, clutching the front of his suit. "You broke our deal."

The woman shouted. "We had no idea she was one of yours. Whoever brought her to us is at fault." The man translated.

"Whoever brought her here was under your orders. " He started to walk away. "I expect compensation for the kidnapping of my daughter." There was a sharp inhale. Daughter, why did he call you his daughter?

He brought you to his limo and settled you in his lap, covering you with his jacket. "It's alright, princess. Once we get home you'll have a nice bath, a warm meal, and I'll tuck you in bed. Doesn't that sound nice?"

Your body felt numb, but nodded. Finally getting clean, real food, and a bed sounded like a dream. You pressed close to him to get warm.

When he carried you out of the limo, you didn't recognize your surroundings. He took you to what looked like a luxury apartment complex. Taking the elevator, he pressed the top floor button. It looked like his private condo took up the whole floor.

He finally sat you down in a chair in the bathroom. He filled the overly large tub with warm water and bubbles. When the tub was full you expected him to leave, but instead he started to take off the lingerie you wore. You shrieked and scooted away from him.

"It's alright, sweetie. I know you're scared, but you should let daddy take care of you." He said.

"I can wash myself." You stammered back.

"I know you're my big girl, but daddy hasn't seen you in days." He grabbed your arm, preventing you from moving away. Taking off the last bit of article that covered you, he picked you up and placed you in the tub. Grabbing a washcloth he started to scrub your body. You jumped at that.

"Please, I can wash myself." You cried.

"No, no," he shook his head, "I said I was going to take care of you. Daddy will make everything better and you'll get to see your friends tomorrow. Doesn't that sound fun?"

It scared you, having a large man handle you. You had no idea why he kept calling himself "daddy", or why he was insistent on treating you like a child. He was just a regular at the restaurant you work at. You decided to comply. If a man could easily carry someone like you around, who knows what else he could do.

When he finished giving you a bath he picked you up from the tub, wrapped in a large towel, and carried you to a bedroom. He placed you on a bed and dressed you in childish looking underwear and soft pajamas with your favorite childhood characters. Not only was it embarrassing, but it had you questioning why the man had such clothing in your exact size. He picked you back up and sat you at a dining table.

"You sit there while daddy gets you your favorite soup." When he left for the kitchen, you debated on whether or not to try to leave. You decided against it, you had no clue where you were and he did say you were going to see your friends tomorrow. Maybe he wasn't that bad of a man, maybe this was his strange way comforting you.

As promised, he came back with a bowl of your favorite soup and a juice box. Before you could grab the spoon yourself, he lifted the spoon to your face. "Open wide." He looked at you expectantly.

"I can feed myself." You stuttered, feeling your cheeks blush. You looked at the ground embarrassed at the situation even more.

He placed a hand on your chin, forcing you to look at him. Looking up, you felt smaller than you ever had, especially with his large stature. "Just let daddy spoil you, ok?" Once again, you wordlessly nodded, afraid of what might happen if you said no.

He fed you like a baby, wiping your face after each spoonful, and occasionally held up the juice box for you to drink from. When the bowl was completely empty, he picked you up again. "It's time for bed."

He took you to the same bedroom as before. You finally looked around and saw what looked like a child's bedroom. Your favorite color painted the walls, shelves filled with children's books, a desk covered in coloring books and crayons, a toy box, childish furniture, and a bed with sheets covered in your favorite childhood characters. It made you bewildered why the man had such a room in the first place.

As he tucked you in bed, he gave your forehead a kiss. "Sleep tight my little princess. Daddy has to take care of business, but if you need anything the nanny will be just outside, ok?"

"Ok." You said automatically.Nanny? So he's keeping a guard on you? There goes your ability to escape and go back home to your family.

Finally laying on a soft bed after days of barely sleeping on the floor, you eventually feel asleep. By morning Wilson was waking you up. He took you to the bathroom to do your business, without leaving, and gave you a brightly colored toothbrush. Today's saving grace was that he allowed you to walk, but held onto your hand. He still changed your clothes, putting on something that you would normally wear. You ate breakfast without help and he took you to work via a chauffeur.

Before you could jump out of the car, Wilson asked for a kiss. So close to freedom, you gave him a kiss on the cheek. He finally let you go after he gave his own kiss and wished you a good day.

When you walked into the restaurant, you were ambushed by your coworkers once they saw you. Apparently Wilson told them he would bring you back, but they didn't believe it. The owner asked if you actually wanted to work today. You told them that you wanted to go home, since you hadn't seen your family yet. They took you home.

Your family was overwhelmed when they saw you, you all cried. They called the police to inform them you returned and they came to question you. You gave them the descriptions of the three men that took you and two people that were behind it. You didn't mention Wilson picking you up, only saying you managed to escape and run into someone who helped you.

After winding down, you had a celebratory lunch with your family for your safe return. No one went to work that day and held onto you tight. When it was a little past your working shift, a knock came from the door. When a knock came from the door, you were surprised to see Wilson at the door when a family member opened it. When he asked for you, your family was suspicious of him. You blurted out that he was the one that helped you, that made the family welcome him in open arms. They insisted he stay for dinner, to show their appreciation.

The women, and few of the men, were in the kitchen preparing traditional dishes for an army. Wilson sat with you on the couch, your family treated him like he was a part of the family. When he placed an arm over your shoulder, some of your family members gave a teasing glance. They were the ones insistenting you should have been married already. If only they knew he didn't see you as a lover, but as a daughter.

You couldn't help but cuddle into his side, enjoying the feeling of being small. You haven't felt small in years, you usually were the biggest person in the room. When dinner was ready, you began insisting that your favorite food was the best. You plated most of the food for Wilson, almost forgetting his strange nature from yesterday. When the day winded down, only your closest family members stayed over. Wilson left as well, you gave him a hug goodbye.

It took two days for you to return to work, you were grateful that you even still had a job. Wilson came in that day for lunch. When no one was looking, you gave him a kiss on the cheek. He seemed surprised by that. When he finished, he gave you your usual tip and a note that asked you to come home with him during the weekend.

You felt nervous and questioned your sanity for actually going to his place. He babies you the whole weekend, treating you like a toddler. You enjoyed cuddling with him on the couch while watching children's movies and shows, when he fed you, when he changed you, when he carried you around, and when he would call you nicknames. Your "nanny" was someone called Hildy, a no nonsense woman that treated you like a child without asking questions. It made you feel carefree, like you had nothing to worry about for about two and a half days.

It was a routine for about a year, your family thought you were dating, your coworkers never questioned Wilson's behavior towards you. You never once imagined that you would be in the situation you found yourself in. One morning, when Wilson left for "business," you groggily got out of bed to ask Hildy for a glass of water. A woman was in the living room with her, demanding where Wilson was. When she looked at you, with your bed hair, she assumed you were sleeping with him. You made a face at that. "Gross, he's my daddy." You told her. Later you were properly introduced to Vanessa.

Vanessa did not accept the type of relationship you had with her boyfriend. Well, not at first. After your third week, she saw everything that Wilson did with you. She was still hesitant, but you guess Wilson told her something because she started to join him for lunch at your workplace. You treated them like normal customers and she seemed nervous the whole time. The next weekend, Wilson had her feed you and read you a bedtime story. The next week he had her change your clothes and cuddle you while watching tv. Then it escalated to her bathing you. She tried to touch you in a sexual manner while bathing you, you screeched and cried like a child. Wilson was angry at her and kicked her out. You didn't see her for two weeks.

The next time you saw her, she apologized and promised to never do that again, you were weary of her. You clung to Wilson whenever she was around, hiding behind him, hiding behind daddy. He kept you safe. But he wanted Vanessa to be your mommy. When it seemed like you weren't getting used to her, something happened.

When you entered the condo after being picked up from work, you noticed Vanessa waiting on the couch. She was wearing a loose button up, and gestured you to her lap. Daddy didn't let you hide behind him, he picked you up and sat you on her lap. You started to cry, wondering what was happening. "She's just being fussy, aren't you princess?" Daddy cooed. "Our poor baby must be hungry. Don't you think so, honey?"

"Yes." Vanessa stammered.

"Well, aren't you going to feed her?" Vanessa started to clumsy unbutton her shirt. You wanted to panic, to pull away from her, but daddy kept you in place. Vanessa exposed one of her breasts.

"Here, eat." She tried to push her breast into your force. Daddy stopped her and scowled.

"Don't force it, let her latch naturally." He patted your head and adjusted you so your head was next to her breast. "Come on sweetheart, aren't you hungry?" He encouraged. "Has daddy ever let you astray?" No, daddy has never let anything, or anyone, hurt you.

Shyly, you latched onto her nipple, she gasped and daddy praised you. As you sucked, you tasted something sweet and warm. You sucked harder and more of the sweet nectar came rushing into your mouth. Vanessa was lactating! "That's a good girl, eating without a fuss." Daddy praised. "And mommy is being so good at feeding our precious baby."

You could hear Vanessa cry, but you didn't let it bother you. You were hungry and she was feeding you yummy milk. When her breast was empty, you whined for more. Daddy took out her other breast since Vanessa was still crying. You drank until you sucked her dry. Happily humming with a full stomach, you nuzzled into your new mommy. She gave you nice warm milk and daddy said she was mommy. Your weekends now included drinking milk from mommy, who cried from happiness at being able to feed her baby.

[sirfrogsworth]

Katrina is on a plane to Greece to see her family.

For three weeks!

Her home village usually doesn't have great internet access. What am I going to do without a best friend for three weeks?

I'm so bored right now. I haven't been able to get off the couch since two Mondays ago. My body is in full recovery mode and my narcolepsy has me sleeping 15 hours per day. But narcolepsy sleep isn't like normal sleep. No restoration whatsoever. You just close your eyes and feel the same when you wake up.

I've been trying to do my photo editing jobs but my brain is still going really slow. Concentration only comes in tiny spurts.

And I don't feel like watching anything on TV.

I don't know if that happens to anyone else. Where you look at all of the thousands of options of things you could watch and even the stuff you normally like isn't interesting.

I think that's just... depression.

It feels like when you go to the fridge and stare in it for 5 minutes and then close the door and say, "I hate all my food." But then a half hour later you wander to the fridge again and stare for another 5 minutes and you still hate your food.

Imagine that but with movies.

So instead of being productive I'm just unloading every opinion in my brain onto Tumblr.

Can you rent a best friend? Is that a thing? It has to be a Greek lesbian vegan though. Who likes pitbulls. And is really good at puns. I seem to have high compatibility with that combination of traits.

[keirosims]

Hi! I love your cc!! I've been trying to find a tutorial for how to make something take on the texture of a sims body, like your tails do, and vice versa how to make a piece of cc that does that have different swatches instead. Haven't been able to find anything and I was wondering if you might know of one? No worries if not, thank you!

Hi! Thank you so much! So sorry for the delay with this, my internet died last week and I’ve been busy since then. I honestly can’t remember when I learnt how to make it take the texture from the skin but iirc it was me just asking someone else how to rather than an actual tutorial. The process is super simple so I’ll do a lil tutorial here for it

Depending on how you have your blender set up you might not have the extra window like I do, so go up to where the red circle is, click and drag those 3 diagonal lines and it’ll open a new viewpoint.

Click on the icon at the bottom of the viewpoint.

Select UV/Image Editor, the window will then look like the one on the left with the pixel grid.

4. Click this box and change the mode from Object Mode to Edit Mode. 5. Press A on the keyboard to select the entire mesh. 6. Press U on the keyboard and select Unwrap. (There are different ways to unwrap an object, but considering how tiny the UV will end up and it not needing a "proper" texture, there’s not really any point in doing any fancy unwrapping here)

7. After unwrapping you will see the UV map of your mesh in the UV editor 8. Click Open and find the UV image (Linked Here)

9. Click in the UV Editor window so it is active, press A to select the object's UV and then press S and scale it down (Move the mouse to scale it). Then press G and move it to where you want the object to take the skin colour from. For horns I tend to go for mid forehead, for my tails I go near the ear because the back skin is slightly darker/shaded so it blends better.

10. Now, the texture won’t immediately take note of the skin colour, so to fix that click the Material icon and then click New.

11. Click the icon next to Material and choose BaseTexture. This will apply the texture to the horns.

12. (Edited two screenshots together to show the uv placement, it won’t show it when you’re in object mode) Now back in object mode on the mesh viewpoint you can see that the mesh is now taking the colour or skin from the sim's forehead! You can move it around if you want to see if there's any other area you prefer, but be mindful of where other objects and textures will interact. With my tails and horns any hairs that have shadows or cover the ears will have issues with darkening the horns' colour. It's kinda inevitable honestly.

13. Now it’s just a case of importing it into Sims 4 Studio like other cc, for my horns I used earrings, but for the children and younger I used the blank body mesh (Because there's literally no base game accessories for any of them which don't have additional issues? I tried a bracelet but with long sleeve the horns would disappear, and I didn't have the patience to figure out exactly how to stop that lol). I replace the existing texture in Sims 4 Studio with a completely blank image (That’s the same size as the UV map)

The process for regular texturing is very similar, but I used a regular blender tutorial for that. There is also This Tutorial which goes over how to properly divide up your mesh for a cleaner UV map.

To get a image you can use to apply an actual texture, whilst in edit mode, click A to select the UV map, then click UV at the bottom and then Export UV Layout. This will save an image that just shows where your UV is, you can then use this as a guide when painting/applying a texture.

This is how my UV map looks after exporting and after painting it the texture I want. You can then reimport your textured image back into blender to see how it looks. Also if you've already imported your file into S4S you can simply just import the texture and it should apply.

I hope this all makes sense! Any questions I'll try to answer!

[turntableart]

okay hi, this character yes this on, is so far called yellow.rom and he is heavily inspired by kinitopet

I LOVE THAT GAME GO PLAY IT GO PLAY IT RIGHT NOW

ehem anyways :] yellow is my take on that

what you need to know before hand is that yellow is a character I've already made and used for a good chunk of time he's actually an fan made Addison from DELTARUNE and in this lil universe he's in, he's in a computer that belongs to a human version of a pink ad called click, they're human name is clark, go to bright goats page to learn about him I love they're stuff sweet Jesus you have no idea, I have no idea how to link people shit bush help

Anyways!

Yellow was completed in 1999 and managed to get on Clarks computer a little later, he popped up in Clarks emails with a year free trial and theyve been stuck together like glue! They are besties and stuff I love them, before that tho yellow was sat in an old computer at the studio that made him, he was cancelled a week prior to his release so when he caught on that he wouldn't be able to literally be friends with everyone on earth he leaked his own files :3 by request of his creator Thomas Greterson who disappeared later that night, that's when he fell into the spam mail box on Clarks computer :]

thank you to bush for doing rps with me so I can get his story down they love him just as much as me it makes me so happy, they also love Thomas, they love how wet cat he is and how bbg he is

Now what can yellow do as an ai assistant? Well he can do surprisingly a lot! He can do the basics like interact with you personally but he can like uh talk? He uses a tts so you can give him your name and he'll say it!!! What tts does he use uh... I haven't decided yet he's only a few days old give me a break, he can interact with you and tabs he can manipulate stuff and activate stuff like your mic or camera if you let him

He can block you from seeing certain things since he was made for a younger democratic, so no ao3 no corn hub no stuff like that... Unless you turn child mode off which is quite hard to do, you need to actually prove to him that your allowed to use that stuff

yes he can read what you search for and he can see what your looking at you dirty sinner

He can judge you. He will judge you. He is programmed to be your best friend :] and is semi self aware, he's self aware enough to feel panic when technology starts to advance and he's worried he'll become obsolete, he doesn't Clark is a smarty, He's also an anti virus, his way of getting rid of viruses is... Interesting

no were not talking about how he's illegally a virus to he doesn't like to talk about it

Hes actually 3D! Or 2.5D I'm not sure what you call it, I plan on making him a 3d model but that'll take time, But he can spin he is an orb and a pyramid with s t i c k s we love him :3 he also has a text box cause he's nice like that, he adds faces into them like :] :3 :D ya know? He kinda has to when he don't have a mouth, his form can be altered if he let's you, he let's Clark edit it cause they're besties :] so often times yellow is littered with stickers and little additions that Clark as drawn on Microsoft paint, sometimes he draws a mouth on yellow :] speaking of mouths, yellow can edit himself as well in a less permanent way, what he does is open a paint tab and he draws his own features such as mouths and eyes and stuff even though he does have a lot of animations already built in but sometimes he just needs a little change up

So far that's all for yellow :] heres a lil about Thomas his creator! Thomas Greterson is the human name for yellow, cause when he's an Addison hes called turnon. G. Addison :] and in this world he's in his late 30s and has been working on yellow for years, he has two kids Clara and evan with his wife Cathryn, when he quit on the day of yellows cancelation he called his wife and was met with the voice of a man he didn't know, turns out she had been cheating on him for the whole of they're marage and most of they're relationship, you see when yellow would be released there was big talk of him being a company success and Thomas would've gotton a big pay out which is the reason Cathy was with him, hearing that he wouldn't get it just made her file for devoice right they're on the phone since I guess her affair was found out, Thomas hung up the phone and walked to a bar and while later he was stumbling back home and was hit by a truck, he didn't survive and now is currently in the hands of the goddess of light

who is the god version of my friend bush, she adores this sad overworked man I am not joking I also have a god form as well as another friend of mine who isn't on here so I won't give em a name well his character is called add-on who is also in this world as a teacher Clark and him don't get along

Anyway so far that's all I've go :3 I hoped enjoy my little read! I enjoyed writing it and I can't wait to write more when I ad more to this hehee *ad* more hehehe

BY THE WAY PLEASE LET ME TALK ABOUT MY AD OC I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I WANT TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT HIM SO PLEASE ASK ME QUESTIONS I SWEAR I WILL GO FERAL I WANT TO SPREAD THE YELLOW AGENDA PLEASE PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT MY OCS I'M BEGGING

[teruel-a-witch]

tag 9 people you'd like to know better

i was tagged weeks ago by @crackers4jenn (*waves* sorry it takes me ages, i'm a scatterbrain)

last song: had to check my youtube history because i rarely listen to music and apparently it was precious by depeche mode on July 12th, lol. it's the soundtrack at the end of bones 1x10 and rewatching the episode always makes me want to listen to the song again.

currently watching: of the shows that are still on right now, only what we do in the shadows. (i think how i met your father s2 officially ended, i mean to pick nancy drew back up but i don't remember where in s3 I fell behind) but i'm in a perpetual process of rewatching/watching so many things, just since the beginning of the summer i've rewatched s3-5 of community, the entirety of black books, went back to white collar which i had abandoned after s2 and watched s3-4 in full before getting distracted, i am also in a neverending rewatch of castle and bones that's been going on since like 2016. earlier this year i was rewatching rizzoli&isles, warehouse 13, grimm, etc. did not finish them all. i jump around a lot depending on my mood. also mean to get back to my lucifer and wynonna earp rewatch at some point. i very rare finish shows and then i get back and have to start from the beginning and then i don't finish anyway, it's a vicious circle, i don't like saying goodbye. also i have no attention span. i guess technically i am also in the process of watching hawaii five-0 but i haven't watched any new (for me) episodes in a loooong time because canon is such a drag compared to the happy au land i've been living in. i do also watch some shows that are on hiatus right now but i probably wouldn't even remember them all. i only remember when they come back. suffice to say i watch a lot of tv lol.

currently reading: embarrassingly, nothing. only stuff that comes up on my tumblr dash 🤷🏻‍♀️. i haven't even read fanfic since ao3 was blocked in my country in april of this year. because of how my brain works if you add an extra step to something i am used to doing (aka i have to turn on vpn to open ao3 links) i am just that much less likely to do it. i miss losing myself in a book but my brain is too preoccupied by my blorbos to be able to invest in anything new.

current obsession: probably shocking to no one who follows me, it's mcdanno. this ship ate my brain in november of 2021 and since then its hold on me has not lessened at all, probably got worse, lmao. i found myself unable to gather any feelings about any of my old long time ships because all that space has been eaten up by steve and danny's insane chemistry and frustrating and wonderful epic love story. also within the mcdanno fandom the obsession of recent months has been building/brainstorming aus with aron @emphasisonthehomo (best rp partner one could wish for) . and i guess you can call making mcdanno screencap edits and metas an obsession of its own.

tagging (no pressure, only if you want to): @emphasisonthehomo , @stephmcx , @trickster-archangel , @pepperf , @wordybee , @alexihawleys , @aflawedfashion , @annieaceofhearts , @lukeclvez

[anjiefiction]

- 17 Feb 2023

Word count for Chapter 2: 19k (+0.6k)

Total current word count: 63k

I actually wrote about 3k words this week, but reading through it...it felt really stilted and overly descriptive, so I cut it down to a measly 600 words. A little sad about that, but as someone who abhors reading purple prose, I think a more concise passage is still better than filler words of nothing, so I'm trying not to mourn the loss too much.

Work has been insanely busy and I haven't been able to switch it out of the "work writing" mode to "creative writing" mode for a while - which is why for next week, I'll be writing and going back to edit at the same time. Hopefully re-reading my old words will help me recenter myself?

I always hop between liking writing and absolutely hating everything I write, so a rule of thumb I follow is this: a lot of advice says that you should write everyday even if you do not feel like it. To me though, that that's horrible advice. If you're like me, with days where you absolutely detest the thought of writing and the mere picking up of a pen brings out more feelings of self-directed disgust and reluctance than joy... Then why write? Why push yourself to do something your brain is clear that it doesn't like?

It's just like cooking, I think. You may follow a recipe but if you don't cook with heart, the food isn't going to be nice. The same goes for writing. You can't write something nice if you don't like the process of it at all, and sometimes the better way forward is to just...not write. And write again tomorrow, or the day after, or days later, when you feel better.

Will the words you write be better? I think it should be. Is it good? Well.. all I can say is that I have very little confidence in my own writing ability and how chapter two is going xD but, following this rule makes me enjoy the times I do write, which is more important I think than writing for the sake of it.

Not everyone has spoons to write every day, and unfortunately I'm not one of them too. So I'm really sorry for being this slow but I do feel that taking it slow will help me, at least, write something that won't be too shitty.

[shubaka]

Trope wombo combo! Neighbours/accidental texting! 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

OOOOHMYGOD. Anyway, because I like to torture myself, I went ahead with challenge mode.

Uhhh, I actually could have gone on longer based on my initial plans with this but you know what? I think 1300 is a good place to stop alskdfjawkejalkw

Anyway, here's hoping this isn't complete and utter garbage (sorry, i'm tired and i haven't gone through to edit this lmao)

-----

Gun is waiting in a poor excuse of a safe house, stretched out casually on the nicest chair in the room.  

It had been a hassle tracking down Lee and even more cumbersome getting here without alerting any of Korn’s men. He would have normally sent Vegas in his place, but this was personal, and he wanted to see the life drain out of the rat’s eyes for himself. 

Fifteen minutes and two cigarettes later, Gun slips out of the building with a curse. Lee must have gotten wind that this location was compromised. 

Gun is tired of these games, but he can’t afford to slip up, not with his brother breathing down his neck. It has been a while since he’s had to do this much leg work, but needs must when the devil drives. 

–

When Yok receives the first text, she leaves it on read. 

It’s from a number she doesn’t recognize, and it simply states, “I know it was you.”

A bit weird for spam texts, but whatever. She has places to be and a bar to run. 

It hasn’t been the same without Porsche around, and her newest bartender needs a little more hand holding, but she believes he’ll catch on after a few more shifts. She can’t wait to let down her hair after she’s done her final check in at the bar tonight. She hasn’t been able to let loose since the last time Porsche brought his work friends to Hum Bar for a night of revelry. 

She deserves her own night of revelry with her friends. 

– 

It’s 7 a.m. when Yok finally comes home after a late night of drinking and dancing. As she climbs out of her taxi, she sees her neighbour step out and lean against his gate. 

They have seen each other a few times and have only nodded to each other in passing. They have never had an actual conversation before – something that she is going to have to change now that she has seen his ascot. 

“Excuse me, sir.” Yok struts up to him and tuts, “I’m sorry, but I can’t in good conscience let you go out in public in that.” 

Her neighbour’s gaze follows her index finger to his neckline. 

“What?” He raises an eyebrow at her. His confidence is entirely too self-assured for Yok’s liking, considering he thought it would be a good idea to pair that particular salmon pink ascot with a russet brown suit. 

“I’m saving your life,” she says, and unties his ascot. She can feel the amusement rolling off of him in waves as she rifles through her purse. “I appreciate your willingness to wear pink, but this teal scarf will look a lot better with your suit.” 

When he makes no move to take the proffered scarf, she takes it upon herself to loop it around his neck, tie it, and tuck the ends into his vest. 

Then with an approving nod, she turns around and walks up to her house. 

She’s exhausted and quite possibly still a little tipsy, but it’s nothing a few hours of sleep won’t fix.

–

Yok wakes up in the middle of the afternoon to several more texts from the mysterious number. 

I didn’t see you at your usual haunt last night.

Don’t think you can hide from me.

Your time is up.

Yok is now feeling a little concerned. She tries to recall if anything particularly strange has happened in the last few weeks, but her mind draws a blank. 

Other than the new hire to replace Porsche, nothing has really changed. 

She hasn’t met anyone new. Sure, there are new people coming to Hum Bar all the time, but she usually doesn’t interact with them unless they are regulars or there’s a good reason to. 

Could it be a stalker? 

How did they even get her number?

Yok wishes Porsche was easier to get in touch with. He was always good in a fight. 

But Yok is resourceful and she can take care of herself. She’ll just have to be extra careful over the next few days. 

–

The next time she sees her neighbour, he’s returning home while she’s on her way out to the bar. 

As soon as they make eye contact, he strolls up to her and pulls out her scarf. It’s been three days since they last met. 

Has he been carrying it around this entire time on the off chance they’d meet?

“Thank you for lending me your scarf, Miss…?”

He’s attractive, and she’s only ever seen him around other men – so there’s a chance he might only be interested in other men – but it’s worth a shot, so she gives him one of her more coy smiles. “You can call me Yok.”  

“And you can call me Gun,” His hands linger on hers for a moment as he places the scarf into her hand. 

A shout of “Khun Gun!” interrupts their moment, and a rough looking fellow runs up to them and bows slightly in apology. “I am sorry to interrupt, but Khun Korn has requested to see you as soon as possible.” 

Gun huffs and tries to hide his scowl behind a smile. “If you’ll excuse me.”

That is certainly an interesting dynamic. Yok thinks of Tankhun and his friends who are clearly bodyguards stuffed into casual wear and wonders. 

–

It’s busier than usual tonight, so Yok finds herself at Hum Bar doing the rounds, making sure everyone looks well taken care of, and making herself available to jump in to help if needed. 

At half past eleven she is surprised to see Gun enter with a small group of men. Among them is a younger well-dressed man she’s seen skulking around a few times, waiting to talk to Porsche on the few occasions he’s visited. 

She overhears him call Gun dad. 

Well, shit. But she doesn’t recall seeing a wedding ring when he returned her scarf.

Her phone buzzes. 

She pulls it out and turns pale. 

She had blocked the previous number, but there’s another text from another number. 

I told you, you can’t hide. 

Her phone indicates that the other person is still typing, but she blocks them and collapses onto a bar stool. 

Gun seems to have finally noticed her, and he’s at her side in seemingly no time at all. 

“What happened? Are you unwell?” He places an arm on her shoulder and waves at someone behind him. A glass of water is placed on the bar counter next to her, and she’s given an encouraging nod to speak.

Yok hesitates for a moment before saying, “I’ve been receiving threatening messages. I don’t know who it is.” Her hands tighten around her phone.  “Even if I block them, they just use another number. I don’t know why this is happening.”

She can see Gun’s jaw clench as his eyebrows furrow. “I can take care of it,” he says slowly, “if you give me your phone.” 

She lifts her phone up between them and unlocks it. 

If she was looking at her phone, she would have missed it. In the few seconds it takes Gun to read the messages she sees flashes of recognition, confusion, and anger swirling in his eyes before they turn calculating. 

“Don’t worry, Ms. Yok, they won’t be bothering you anymore. If you’ll excuse me, I have some business to attend to.” 

Yok watches as Gun walks back to his group and leans in to whisper something into one of the men’s ears. There is a menacing gait to Gun’s walk as he exits the bar, and the rest of the men trail after him. At the end of the line, Gun’s son slings an arm around the shoulders of the man Gun had whispered to, and drags him outside on shaky legs.  

[frankiehagg]

writing journal: i'm restarting my manuscript from scratch, again

i just finished the fifth week of my second go at grad school. i am studying to become a translator! it is so great and uses my skills as a researcher, writer, and editor SO well, in ways i hadn't predicted. it has also, until this week, DECIMATED my capacity for non-school reading and writing. it's been so nice to pick up a non-assigned book, of fiction, about people who aren't real. missed this.

as my skills develop away from the crisis mode of learning a new skill, lean into my existing editorial skills, and leave me more free time, i find myself having time to fall into The Bad Mood, which happens when i'm not being sufficiently creative. so tonight is my rip roaring friday night of... starting the seventh draft of my six-years-in-the-making book manuscript, from scratch, again.

some FAQ about my intense journey with this manuscript:

Q: WHAT KEEPS GOING WRONG WITH THIS BOOK?

A: fundamentally, nothing. the story was too character-heavy in its first incarnation and dealt with themes that have been progressively less interesting to me. more accurate to say that my skills develop at a pace faster than the manuscript does. i don't mean this as a flex; i've averaged ~7k a month on this manuscript for years & other projects have naturally developed my skills along the way

Q: SEVERAL OF YOUR LAST DRAFTS HAVE ONLY BEEN 5-10k BEFORE YOU SCRAPPED THEM. WHY? ARE YOU *SURE* NOTHING'S WRONG WITH THIS BOOK?

A: i uh... ok, everything's wrong with this book. the themes are wrong. the beloved characters i have retained along the way no longer fit the story—at least one of them, the main character as i imagined her, needs to join the 350k pile of killed darlings, and the others need to undergo serious relevance editing. the logic of the setting is quite thin. my style is also "broke" on the scale of broke to bespoke; my skills are better now, so now every time i write this piece the voice is unbearably weak and uncompelling. fixing voice has been the main impetus for these endless restarts, and i haven't found one that both sounds good and works with the setting.

most egregiously: as the themes and setting are developed, the plot breaks and breaks and breaks.

i've been aware of these issues for a while and i hoped writing through them would fix my problems. not so. now that i've had a nice monthlong break from writing (at least, anything that wasn't translated from the original french), i opened my document and... didn't like what i saw. i opened my wiki and didn't like what i saw. i opened my file of short story ideas and—saw a theme. a theme that works very well with the setting i've been trying to develop, overhauls everything, and gives me a fresh lens from which to spawn new characters or refresh old ones with new purposes.

the first thing i am doing is scrapping everything. all meta material—gone. new scrivener file. new wiki file (i use obsidian for wikis, which i wrote at more length about here). i'll keep the old stuff for reference, but this is a new world for a new story. i am entering only with a vague understanding that this is a science fantasy story, both hero's journey and tragedy, and... isn't NOT about the john searle–jacques derrida debate.

it'll be good, i swear!

the second thing i am doing, for the first time in my life, is attempting to write a COMPLETE, COMPREHENSIVE outline—i am normally a cheerful planner-pantser combo—before i write a single word of prose. i am hoping this will help me identify areas of weakness before i invest a ton of words only to meet a dead end. since my time is at more of a premium than it used to be, i'll be able to mull things over longer-term and hopefully come to the file on weekends with developed ideas.

the third (and final?) thing i'm doing is to identify elements of style that i particularly vibe with in *reading* and make a point to run 20-minute style drills when i can carve out a spare moment, and keep them in a separate file for reference when it comes time to actually put down prose. i'm hoping this will help me hit the ground running with a style that motivates me to keep writing it, and prevent more style-related dead ends as well.

there are a lot of different ways to outline. beat sheets have helped me in the past, including save the cat and romancing the beat. increasingly i am moving away from beat sheets as structural crutches, but having a visual guide for the outline stage is still useful to me.

there's the kind of intensely complicated outlining tool like MOTT, but every time even i, a detail-loving methodical research type, open this spreadsheet, get scared, and close out again. instead i'm going to try a combination of the snowflake model and the ring structure as i try to feel my way toward a setting-relevant plot: my snowflake is going to have five act-sized points to start, and from there i will develop smaller and smaller details until i have a narrative outline that is also symmetrical for that "the hero comes home but they can never come home again because their home is NOTHING LIKE THEY THOUGHT IT WAS" kind of journey i'm going for.

i do NOT know if this is a good idea, it might NOT work, i might wind up with a rambling scrivener outline that is basically just a summary of the plot the way i have tried and burned out of in the past. but it'll be fun! let's try new things! failure is liberating in that failing again doesn't feel that bad! that's true, right? that's definitely true.

if you don't hear from me again i've gotten lost in the outline mines, but know i died as i lived: upset that my manuscript still isn't working.

(first posted in a slightly simplified format on mastodon).

[mariska]

last post i just reblogged reminded me i never remembered to post these silly lil photos i took on here...ever since i had to quickly get a new phone from my other one's (rip iphone 6s and my beautiful beloved Standard Analog Headphone Plug....we had a good run old friend...........) screen literally bubbling up like it was going to actually explode from internal heating if i kept using it i now have a super cool high quality camera lens situation that i hope to be able to use for my various diy art projects and stuff but its still been less than a month since i've has this model phone and its the first like. modern within two years or so high tech camera i have ever owned in my life and i grew up in the pre-phone camera era of handheld digital cameras for broke aspiring photographers so its been very exciting for me to test things out and look at settings (i can allegedly take photos & videos in literal 4k HD with this camera lens system according to the quality options in the system settings which is. absolutely mind boggling to me in a good way i cant believe i have a camera in any format that has the potential to capture things to that extent!!!)

anyways all of that to say that i'm obviously very out of touch with how any of this modern high tech high resolution works as of now, but i picked this version of this phone model specifically because it gives me a lot of opportunities to hopefully have more personal, accessible control over visual photo/video art and editing and filming etc etc but since i haven't had a chance to really learn how to utilize everything the way i want to yet, i've been having fun taking 'portrait mode' photos in the meantime just to try and get the hang of one feature at a time, and a week or two ago when i had my Weekly Day Outside Of My Home For Therapy Appointment, one of my moms and i decided to take a drive just for the heck of it to get some air and see the world.

all of this. again. to say. here are some portraits i took of my beloved soft fluffy chicken bag (his name is Lestat de Poultrycourt 😌) while sitting in the passenger seat and cracking up with one of my moms over how hard i was trying to pose him in a way that did not show my hands like a muppet operator. i am 99% sure at least one of these pics will end up being used by me as an album cover for a song at some point in the future so look forward to that. fjshdhsgshsgshsvsh

[littlegalerion]

In my 3rd month of the PTSD trauma turned into an anxiety disorder healing/coping process:

-husband agreed our house needs to be the spookiest house in existence, possibly year around, and we have started spending considerable money in decorating our space

-husband supports my desire to buy nothing but black dresses for every day of the week

-printed out a picture of Trechire, wasting ink, but I wanted it and now its up on our fridge

-have made a color coded schedule planner for my niece baby sitting days, my dog training routines, weekly dinner planning, and desired stream layout

-framed my divayth sticker like a portrait of a family member- sil is also there for emotional support

-my service dog is finally in public access mode and for the first time today I got to browse through a store at my own pace - haven't been able to do that in five or six years

-playing through Mass Effect finally- heyo, want a tragic old villain man? Saren is lovely. Want a tragic old man who you can't save? Yeah, I'm romancing Thane.

- realized I just finally had to completely let go of some fandoms- I'm not sticking around for another wave of refreshed Almalexia warfare or the Mannimarco/Thrall Vanus ship art, life is too short

- realized I had a previous fandom ruined for me by just the worst drama and a comfort character now turned into a trauma character due to it- I won't let Vanus, Sil, or Abnur turn into that

-probably going to return to Skyrim Anniversary Edition soon, as I never saw the new content and we ALL circle back to Skyrim eventually

[amadeu-you-can-change]

Hey i just found this blog and wanted to say your art???? Amadeu and yaki???? Phenomenal. Amazing. Can I bug you to share a couple headcanons about them that you haven't been able to share yet or their dynamic with each other?

omg thank  you so so so much !! I read this wrong / responded wrong bc it was 2am ( it is now 3am and I am a better person) but YESYESYES LEMME EDIT

Ok so it's under a cut because I wrote ... a lot

-(I've mentioned briefly but didn't finish the comic for this but-) They met at Ama's flower shop. Yaki came in to get flowers for his mother day gift, and was too anxious to speak to any of the workers. He scared the hell out of a few part-timers there by standing and looking grumpy as hell. He started to play with the yellow rose bush in the lobby (ama's personal favorite, his pride and joy) and tore one of them to bits without noticing. Ama comes in and sees this and is immediately like.... fuck this guy. But also, I'm obsessed now.

-In reality, they've only met a few times. Amadeu is good at keeping his infatuation a secret at first, until it slowly builds up and he makes excuses / plans 'accidental' meetings at places he knows Yaki frequents.

- Yaki has a loud mouth. He can take anything Ama says and just be a complete little shit about it, for no reason. Ex) Ama: "How was your day?" Yaki: "Wouldn't you like to know, you flowery fuck?"

- Yaki really enjoys cooking! He wouldn't tell you because he's generally hellbent on appearing unapproachable / not showing interest in anything but, he can make amazing homemade meals.

-Amadeu has secret cameras set up in all corners of yaki's home. They connect to his phone so that he can always keep tabs on his love.

- Amadeu placed an absurd amount of crushed up sleeping pills in Yakito's favorite tea leaves. Occasionally, this will knock Yaki out cold. Ama sees this from his cameras and likes to sneak in through the window to lay next to him while he sleeps.

- Occasionally, if Yaki is having a bad depressive episode ( with an excess of self injury / suicidal ideas ) Amadeu will take it upon himself to chloroform the man so he won't kill himself. Yaki assumes his lack of sleep just made him pass out a few times.

-During one bad depressive episode of Yaki's, Amadeu places a 'stray' kitten (he bought it from the petstore, gave it all it's shots, etc. and then put a little mud on it-) next to yaki's door, knowing he would be too kind not to take it in - and too poor to take it to the vet. He looks forward to the day Yaki will tell him about it, so he can act surprised.

-Yaki works at a coffee shop nearby the Eden! Amadeu finds this out and likes to drop in for a chai latte every now and then. Always leaves a larger tip than necessary. Whenever I draw him with a coffee cup, it means he's been there recently.

-When Ama Kidnaps Him He Tattoos A Flower On Yaki's Chest. He also offers to give him more piercings / any kind of clothing Yaki would like- He loves to spoil him.

- Amadeu's natural hair color is a light blonde! He dyes it pink because he enjoys appearing more feminine (being non-binary, he/they pronouns) and because he thinks it makes him look friendly.

-Ama is very well spoken now but, he was mute for most of his childhood. When Yaki is genuinely mean to him he still reverts back to this because of the overwhelming emotional reaction it gives him.

-Amadeu likes flowers so much because as a child he would go outside and speak to the trees / plants / etc. he found it much easier to talk to them than to his family / peers.

- Yaki sees Ama as a friend, but he is bad at expressing this. He enjoys his company, and slowly becomes less defensive around him as time goes on. His default mode is to be aggressive but, he is a kind person. He couldn’t hurt a fly.

-Secretly, Yaki does look forward to their meetings. He has been sending a lot more flowers than he ever did before meeting Ama ( And knows too little about them to realize the incredibly discounted prices he’s always gotten for full bouquets.)

-Yaki soely listens to folkpunk / emo types of music. Amadeu, despite his darker interests, hates it. HE mostly listens to soft pop music, golden oldies, classical, and disco.

-Yaki.... is so bad at doing laundry. It takes him months to do one load. Same thing with cleaning his house, it's either uncleaned for 8 weeks or he's binged it all in 12 hours and it's spotless.