#haven’t listened to this MF (the weekend) much this year

[peaceeandcoolestvibes]

[saucylittlesmile]

Second day of ice dance at Nationals 2023…

I was shocked in a sad way at how empty the arena was - a Saturday afternoon. I don’t know if it’s Covid related, or the lack of star-power in Canadian skating, or a badly promoted event, but I’ve never been to a competition at this level on a weekend with so few people.

I know it’s just a set timing thing, but watching them resurface the ice after the last flight of women and then resurface the ice again after three (3!) ice dance teams but then let the next eight dance teams skate through… that is something

I was listening to the bluesy music of Robinson/Portz, and remembering how I always wanted VM to skate to a bluesy program, only to realize later that they were a Scott team lol

I really enjoyed Emmy and Jacob’s program - their fall was so unexpected and just when she had recovered beautifully, he had his twizzle trouble - still it was a good program and at least with a non-technical eye they looked good

was happy for Mikita/Gunara to have a better FD after their fall yesterday

really enjoyed Henson/Lickers program - I’d watched it before but wasn’t as sold as I know others were, but live I really appreciated it

I did not appreciate Lanaghan/Razgulajevs - the most I can say is that they certainly did stand out, which is obviously what they were going for, but I just found the overall to be trying too hard to be quirky

Sales/Wamsteeker - well it’s Phantom so they had their work cut out for them for me to like it lol - it was fine. His shirt had me thinking of Scott’s 2010 farrucas.

Soucisse/Firus were at their peak

I’ve enjoyed Lauriault/Legac’s Pink Panther program this season and it worked for me live, they really had the crowd’s support (and got everyone a little more lively)

Lajoie/Lagha’s program was the one I wanted to see the most. It was really well done, but I think it actually translated better on screen than in person, or at least this time. Or maybe my angle? Or thst zi was judt nervous for them? But they were just lovely. Still glad they have two such different programs this year, with a lot of outward expression in the SD but very introspective and personal interaction in the FD. And rewarded with a Zak smile in the K&C - small as it was lol.

Canadanes were skating so well -strong and smooth, and the ending music just kicked up the energy - at the time I knew something had gone wrong in that last moment but couldn’t tell what until I saw the replay in the jumbotron. MF was very involved in their choreo, very intense at those boards lol

Still I was surprised at how close the scores were and how close the overall was, as I had my mind thinking I knew the result beforehand. I still haven’t looked at the scoresheets to know the specifics. I saw L/L and Canadanes on screen since - yeah, to me L/L looked better from that perspective; but I’m okay with the Canadanes winning just because either way I’d have been crushed. Really the only solution is to have GP withdraw. ;)

that the skaters on the podium all train together meant that the vibe felt very friendly and supportive and it’s a credit to the school and coaches and skaters for keeping it that way - even if they were competing fir the same spots they were just out there trying to each do their best

we gave them (and the women) a standing ovation on their victory lap and it just lit everyone right up 😃😃😃

saw Scott and Adrian and (and I think Nathan) along with others doing a group photo out in the concourse. I’m not someone comfortable approaching that but it was a little oh! moment

coach Scott is harder to take photos of - I mean, I didn’t put much time of effort into it but aside from the fuzzy-blur, there was often a coach head tilt, a coach chin tuck, and a serious expression. Don’t think I got anything worth sharing but I’ll take a look sometime.

[ickymichi]

what being in a relationship with issei matsukawa would include

warnings: mentions of drinking, swearing. just like always, this is set in the timeskip!

things to know: implied female reader, set in timeskip!

summary: what i imagine it would be like being with our favourite man🧎‍♀️ reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

-listen, idc what anyone says and it may be a bit bias but issei is best boyfie in hq. ✋🥸🤚there i said it.

-butt ughhhhh just everything he does. oki let’s actually let’s into it :p

•if you’re living together, prepared to be very bored if you wake up early. this man 1) sleeps like a fucking log and 2) does not wake up until 11-12 am unless he has work. so if your an early bird you’re gonna have to find a few ways to entertain yourself in the morning.

•when he eventually does wake up he trudges into the kitchen looking like he got dragged through a ditch and back. but he makes it work. omg pls his morning voice HHNNNGGG. definitely greets you with a: “mornin’ doll” every time and just leans on you cause he’s still half asleep.

•LOVES SHOWERING WITH YOUU!! claims it’s cause he hates being away from you and not that he just wants a bit of action. “am i not aloud spend time with my favourite girl now?” will definitely help you clean yourself and secretly use and scrubs you have if you use them, SKDNSJND i just got a vision 👁👁. issei with a bright pink shower cap. makki got him it as a gag gift but he actually uses it cause, personally i think he has really thick curls, like you see his hair in the timeskip. so he doesn’t like washing it or getting it wet everytime he showers so he wears that and pulls it off somehow.

•uhhhh idc idc this man can sing! like he has a really nice smooth deep voice that can but you to sleep.(in a good way) which is why he loves karaoke and drags you to the karaoke bar for a date every few weeks. he’s much more open after a few drinks so expect a full blown performance dedicated to you at some point in the night.

•he is a dog person no arguement. and i just see him with a dog like a pitbull or german shepherd(makki is definitely scared of them) and if it’s a girl you know he’s getting it a sparkly pink collar and dreaming her like his own daughter, same if it was a boy. you do sometimes get jealous when they take your spot on his lap on the couch or your side of the bed.

•loves shopping with you, especially for clothes cause he likes to dress well and likes seeing how excited you get trying on different outfits for him. makes you do a fashion show and doesn’t care if the fitting rooms are full of people, he’ll completely block them out and just look at you like your a model on the catwalk.

•idk if it’s just me but issei looks like a man that likes his drink (responsibly) which is why you frequently go to the club or just a local bar every weekend. but issei does love the club scene just cause you get more dressed up and look seggsy as hell, and he loves dancing all night (is definitely a sucker for 2000s classics and r&b) like phewww dancing to issei with maneater? plsss i can only dream. but if you just go to the bar he loves that to cause he doesn’t have to go all out and can just drink casually while spending time with you.

•one thing i can just invision while being in a relationship with issei is him only trusting you to cut his hair. like you used to go to this barbers in the town until one time he fucked up makkis hairline and they both haven’t gone since. so he asked you to (which you were quite skeptical of at first) but he convinced you he won’t care if you messed up, so you went at it and used different hair products on him cause you always complain about the 2-in-1 shampoo he uses is bad for his curls. when you finished mf looked like a whole new bitch. that was back in high school so now for the past years everytime he needs a haircut you pull a kitchen chair and the razor out. very domestic if you ask me.

•loves giving and receiving massages from you. like at the end of a long week of working he’ll ask if you can give him a back massage and you’d get so excited and go all out with candles, music and those insense things. it’s one of his favourite things to do with you, and you love to! cause who wouldn’t want to rub mans broad ass muscly back? but when you’re done with him he’ll make you lie down and give you one aswell. and he’s actually really good at it, like those big ole hands rubbing across your back. and 9/10 he’ll do your legs and feet. he also doesn’t mind rubbing your feet for you when you come home from work or school. it stared cause he makes you scratch his back for him whenever your watching tv. he says your lying whenever you claim you hate doing it. pls he doesn’t even probably ask. he just scoots to the edge of the couch, pulls his top up to his shoulders and leans on his elbows and waits for you to start. “i’m not scratching your back issei i fucking hate doing it” “you say that but you do it every time, cmon this’ll be the last time i swear” “and you said that last time” “i’ll rub your feet for you” “....”

•cannot cook for his life but claims he can. one time he said for a date night he’d cook and get the place cleaned this time so he sent you off for two hours while he cleaned the house and ordered your favourite takeaway. when you came home and smelt the food you were like ‘i know he didn’t’ and there he was in a nice ironed button up and slacks. “welcome home m’ dear. your table awaits”. “..do you really expect me to believe you cooked all this” “well i mean it’s the thought that counts”

•he loves singing and dancing with you around the house would definitely pull you away from what your doing just to pull you into his chest and dance with him. especially at like 2am in the kitchen when you can’t sleep he loves dancing with you then.

•his favourite thing in the world is to make you laugh. he adores your smile and the sound of your laugh could bring him up if he was having the worst day. like you two have that relationship where you could just look at each other and start DYING of laughter for what feels like hours and your just about stop and then look at each other and it starts all over again. and even his laugh alone would make you laugh cause it’s such a kettle wheeze it sounds like he’s wheezing up a lung. and he got them smoker lungs jk so whenever he laughs he just stops and coughs for so long, and it’s so funny so you keep laughing and then he laughs cause you are and it just goes on and on.

• makki says you two do things to annoy each other on purpose. like issei knows you hate when people keeping poking you or tickle you so if you’re on the couch and he’s bored of the show you’re watching he’ll do it until he gets a reaction out of you. “issei you’re fucking annoying me now stop i mean it!!” “hehehe” “what’s so funny? you know what just fuck off” “love you too sugar” << calls you those names when your mad at him to annoy you even more. you try to get back at him and do the same but it’s much harder to get a reaction out of him cause he’s really patient and good at keeping calm. but if he’s already in a mood and you start he’ll just shake his head and be like “don’t baby please”. so you know not to keep going.

• on that topic if your fighting he won’t go off unless it’s something big and it’s really not sitting with him. most times it’s you doing the shouting and thats one thing that pisses you off more. he just sits there and takes it, doesn’t even come back with a sarcastic retort or let a joke out. he just talks to you like it’s a normal conversation while your about to combust. so inside your like ‘please please just tell a joke or something please!’ so argument definitely are like: “do you just not care about my feelings then?” “i do” “then act like it!” “i am” “no your not! no you fucking are not!” “what do you want me to do then my dear?” “fucking stop acting like a jackass and actually show that you care about me and stop letting women feel you up every time we go out issei!” “ okay then i’ll do that from now on” “oh you’re such a fucking prick” “i guess i am” “just fuck off sleep on the couch for all i care, cause you obviously don’t care about me!” “i guess i don’t” results in you slamming the door extra hard and sitting alone for around an hour till you go back down and see him in the same position on the couch when you left him. “m’ sorry” he looks up at you when he hears your mumble. “sorry doll i didn’t hear you” “i said i’m sorry! are you happy now!” “very, now c’mere” he opens his arms for you to cuddle into.

•big thank u thank thank u to my besT @bootylikepeachy for feeding into our “issei is a cannon ass man” addiction. things we have discussed and agreed on:

•iseei would make you do yoga/buy you yoga pants just so he can check out your ass.

•when your dancing together mf is groping your ass the whole time.

•whole other couples may hold hands all the time he will have a hand on your ass. it’s like a magnet, just shoots straight to the booty.

•if your laying on your stomach he uses your ass as his own personal pillow , and will bite them so be prepared. also ejdbejdbd he will definitely kiss them goodnight and be like “sleep tight my dears”🥰 and your lying there like🧍‍♀️”i’m here too fucker”

•thank u for coming to our ted talk <3 <3

•just wanted to put it out that he is a king at just dance and loves ballroom dancing✋

•definitely prefers to be naked than clothed so don’t be surprised when you come home and just see his bare ass walking out of the bathroom. but has decided to atleast wear sweatpants or boxers after this one time makki came over unannounced and he just seen issei in the nude making a sandwich.

•he loves his family, not just mom and siblings but his aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents you get the point. his mams side is the fun side (just like mine:p)

•but i definitely think issei is the oldest grandchild cause his mam had him young so the closest person in age to him is 6 years apart.

•his family loves you, literally loves you. so every time there’s a family barbecue, party or whatever you HAVE to go cause they always annoy issei asking if your coming.

•he’s also the cousin to race you on the obstacle course bouncy castle and doesn’t care if you’re the youngest mf is going all out. pls he’s so fun😭

•cause he’s the oldest he was able to drink with his aunties and uncles for ages before the others (also i had to look up the age for legal drinking in japan cause i forgot it’s not 18 like where i’m from). but he was definitely made look after all his cousins before he was able to drink and it’s not easy cause theirs about 19 other grandkids. so when you came they’d tell you stories of him from years ago about how good he was at taking care of them, secretly hinting that they want you to to have kids

•especially at christmas or halloween when his family would go to someone’s house for a party he’d make you tag along and itd be so much fun. they’d treat you like the part of the family and make you feel so comfortable. you also wouldn’t be able to not laugh at issei cause he has one of the youngest cousins in his lap, a bottle of beer in one hand, a toy in the other and them trying to grab the paper hat off his head while he’s trying to listen to the story his drunk uncle is telling him.

[survivalofthesurveys-blog]

1.

1 ) Do you still have clothes that belong to your ex? I sure do.

2) Do you have a date this weekend? Nope.

3) Can you live without the computer? Absolutely.

4) Are Chuck Norris jokes funny? No.

5) Do you get along with guys or girls better? Definitely guys.

6) If you could bring back anyone that has passed who would it be? Nobody.

7) Do you hide your emotions? I’m working on not doing that.

8) When was the last time you received flowers? Pffff.

9) Who have you texted today? JUST actual text? Miranda, my mom, Kara, Scott, Toby.

10) Who was the last person you had an argument with? Urm.

12) Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning? Ya know, I’ve always said night. But I really think I like morning showers more.

13) When was the last time you had pizza? Uh...

14) What is the last movie you saw in a theater? Joker.

15) What do you wish you had right now at this moment? Ice.

16) When was the last time you got really anxious? Wedding shopping with Kara.

17) Has someone ever made you build a bear? No.

18) Worst relationship mistake you wish you could take back? OOF. We aren’t going to talk about that.

19) Who are you more like your mother or your father? Honestly, neither.

20) When you see new people, do you critique how they look or act? Not really.

21) Who is the last person you added to your contacts list in your phone? Toby.

22) What is something you need to go shopping for? Idk.

23) How many states in the US have you been to? 3.

24) Were you happy when you woke up? Mostly, yeah.

25) How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? I have 4, and I was 19 when I had my first.

26) What's your favorite restaurant? Um.

27) Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life? I think so, yeah.

28) What was the last thing you cried about? Because I’m too much of an empath for my own good.

29) Do you tend to make relationships complicated? I used to. I haven’t been in an actual relationship since putting significant efforts into recognizing and correcting my toxic behaviors specific to my romantic partner to say for sure if that’s changed. But I would truly like to believe it has at the very least improved.

30) Have you ever been or talked about getting engaged? I’ve been engaged twice and married once.

31) Coach purse or NFL tickets? Neither.

32) What do you think of people who have their name tattooed on them? Who gets their own name tattooed on their body?

33) What are you currently thinking about? Ugh. Going outside. It’s just so fucking cold.

34) When's the perfect time to have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Um. What?

35) If you could either float on the moon, or snorkel the ocean, which would you choose? Oof. That’s tough. Float on the moon, I think.

36) What song are you currently listening to? I’m not listening to one.

37) What are the last spoken words you heard? “I’m just going to grab my cup because I simply can’t sleep without it.” Lmfao. My kids are the greatest.

38) What is one of your favorite options on your phone? DO. NOT. MF. DISTURB.

39) What song that is currently out do you just LOVE? If by “currently our” you mean on the radio, I have no clue. I don’t listen to the radio.

40) Do you ever just take random pictures of yourself when you are bored? Yes I do.

41) Do you think you'll be married in 5 years? No I will not be.

42) Who was the last person that called you? Miranda.

43) What is Fly Leaf? With that spacing and capitalization, I have no clue. However, Flyleaf is a band.

44) Where were you on July 4th, 2007? I was.....14? Yeah? I have no idea.

45) Do you plan on moving in the next year? Most definitely.

46) Are you dating the last person you made out with? Lol, no.

47) Do you believe you can change for someone? If I need to change for someone, they aren’t someone I need in my life.

48) What did you do last night? Nothing too exciting.

[amosbarot]

( cismale ) haven’t seen AMOS BAROT around in a while. the DEV PATEL lookalike has been known to be (+) INSOUCIANT & (+) KEEN, but HE can also be (-) TROUBLED & (-) DERISIVE. The 24 year old is a SENIOR majoring in COMPUTER ENGINEERING. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( james. 20. EST. she/they. )

hello !! here is my other baby, who is...somehow, more of a mess than naeva !! no dilly dally, let’s jump right into it !!

TW: drug addiction/abuse, car accident. mental illness. 

a e s t h e t i c s ( except i am a sham of a person and sorta very much forgot to save my aesthetics so ! winging it ! )

floral suits and a light air of mock-arrogance, charming smiles and a mischievous glint, easy sarcasm and raised eyebrows. rolling joints resembling cigars, smoke drifting towards ceilings as conspiratorial rambles escape intoxicated lips,  wild gestures and toppled book stacks, four expresso shots at the stroke of midnight and equations leading off whiteboards. heavy eye bags and warm smiles, dismissive words and excuses. sleepwalking to the middle of the quad for the third time that week, donning white boxers littered with red hearts...again. secret glances and barely contained excitement, distractions from the obvious.

general info !!

full name: amos ronak barot

nickname(s): n/a !!

b.o.d. - january 17th, 24 yrs old, capricorn

label(s): the academic, the ebullient, the fallen, the icarcian.

height: 6′2″

hometown: london, uk ooo fancy

sexuality: wildly. chaotically. bisexual.

his stats can be found HERE

and his pinterest can be found HERE !

biography

introducing...another one of indira’s cousins !!!! 

born to olena barot, member of the american embassy in london/future U.S. ambassador to the UK and ronak barot, CEO of his very own computer company. needless to say, he and his younger sister alya were born into a certain wealth

they hopped between the US and the UK and wherever else they desired to go on vacation to with ease; UK for school and US for breaks, rome or paris or wherever else, simply whenever.

despite this though !! olena and ronak had always wanted their children to find their own success, to be financially stable without their assistance once they got older. therefore, it was a known fact in their household that they’d be cut off financially by the time they were 21.

luckily, neither of them really minded this? both children had always had an extreme thirst for knowledge and a wonder for things. even so--their childhood wasn’t quite typical, as their competitive natures led to them trying to one-up each other?

alya and amos grew up extremely close to each other, being so close in age it really didn’t feel as if she was the younger sibling; they were more like twins than anything. obviously, amos still gloated about being the eldest, but their bond was tight.

there were moments in their childhood where if anybody, and i mean anybody--spoke ill of alya, amos would get into physical alterations. he’s much more peaceful now, but the history is still there.

by the time amos entered sixth form, his studies were--while still very important to him--less frequent. he’d go out nearly every night, gone whole weekends, partying or being a general hooligan. 

alya, however, did not partake in these activities. this is where they differed--amos had always been an extrovert, fond of crowds and people and being in the center of it all. causing ruckus. wrecking havoc. alya’s always been...reserved, in the best way possible. few knew just what a gem she was, but she really was to be treasured. even so--the less time amos seemed to spend at home, the more distant alya became towards him.

but, surprise: despite being literally, incredibly smart, amos got BIG DUMBASS ENERGY and was very very oblivious to the why and how of this. which really, really did not help.

unfortunately, there wasn’t any time to dwell about this.

around the same time, tragedy struck the barot family.

after one of his lil’ runabouts, amos came home to find furniture being escorted out of their house, police--his sister crying, his mother ashamed, his father nowhere to be found. 

and soon after, amos found out that his father was arrested for a scandal that sent many into a tizzy. essentially: the company fucked over their own customers via stealing their info, committing some fraud, y’know, credit cards and social security numbers, sellin’ it. just. some nasty white collar crime.

it also wound up fucking up olena’s newly acquired position as the US ambassador for the UK. she was released from the embassy during ronak’s trials.

he ultimately wound up in prison, and olena moved their family back to the U.S.

and amos--being the big dumb baby he is, figured the best thing to do was to pretend it hadn’t bothered him one bit! so he did exactly that!

i imagine that they moved close to indira’s family, and amos spent a lot of time with her from there then.

however, in between pretending things were fine and dandy, and home life, and the drag and pull of parties, anxiety weighed down amos’ bones like...constantly. his family was now, essentially, poor with a mass debt thanks to their father. the expectations for amos to do good, to be better--the fall of amos’ biggest role model.

it was all too much. anxiety attacks became frequent, provoked by the slightest thing--he could only lay awake at night, sleep infrequent. he was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and insomnia, and treated for both--some days it still doesn’t feel like enough.

getting a scholarship to lockwood is probably the best thing to happen to him in a long time. it was a new look into a potential future.

got into the uh...career, of sorts, of doing people’s assignments for them for a hefty payment, alongside his normal job. just to make sure he had spending money and whatnot.

involving tatiana: their friendship bloomed after he did a few assignments for her, y’see--then came the midnight adventures, and whatnot. i wouldn’t have called them close by any means, but they had fun together when they weren’t arguing. their friendship ended after a pretty bad car accident--neither were fatally hurt, but the car was wrecked and it was amos’ fault and it just. sorta was the end of that.

he’s got a...reliability on his sleeping pills, if you will. it’s not healthy in the slightest, but he’s convinced it’s nothing serious. it’s pretty serious.

his eyesight is also getting worse--expected to become legally blind by the time he’s forty.

more on those l8r

personality

there’s a lot of words you can use to describe amos! pretentious, sarcastic, provoking, hardly ever serious, immature, petty, Just Like That, full of himself, smartass, big dumbass energy. y’know. just an infinite amount.

he can be so dramatic! everything he does is exaggerated. he rolls cigar-sized joints at every party. goes around with a horrible ‘20s mobster voice, voicing his lil’ conspiracies.

it’s both hard and very easy to forget that amos graduated as valedictorian of his high school (stealing it, from somebody else--i should mention, as he came in halfway thru the year and kinda just. snatched the title.) because he can be a real idiot sometimes.

because he tries to hard to mask his insecurities, he overcompensates with just. being childish. he’s fun to be around but sometimes he can just be. exhausting.

so like, he went into computer engineering because that was just sorta what he always wanted to do? besides programming? he really wanted to take after his father--but with him being in jail and whatnot, kinda puts a damper to that dream. still, he can’t stop.

so he’s just. really good with computers tbh?? built his own, programmed his own firewall. his dream is to open his own cybersecurity company.

VERY STRESSED LIKE CONSTANTLY like catch him in the library with six empty coffee cups surrounding his work, it’s 2am--he hasn’t slept, in fact his eyes are likely taped opened. he works a lot.

but parties...a lot more! he tries rly hard to not mix his medication with anything so that leads to him...not always taking it, or overcompensating when he misses. it’s a mess. he’s a mess. he thinks he knows what he’s doing but he’s NOT.

i think...i’d consider him lovable. he’s a lil eccentric, a lil high energy.

LOVES HIS FAMILY. like, listen. he still loves his dad. would protect his cousins and sister and mother with his mf life.

alya and him aren’t on the...best terms rn. so that Hurts.

he can be really petty tbh ?? like he can’t take arguments seriously so he just becomes this fucking manchild. he will mimic u. he’ll mock u. he can be hurtful.

god...i don’t even know what else to say. just take him TAKE HIM

wanted connections

as always, i am a big slut for every connection.

give him his Lads. his buds. his pals. his broskis. his bromances.

ride or die(s)

people he tutors !! people whose work he does for them !!

somebody who goes to him b/c of computer troubles n he’s just like...r u going to pay me or nah

high school friends??

party pals??

his sister may become a WC in the future but idk quite yet, we do stan her though !!

drug dealer pls n thank

ex friends ?? fake friends ?? toxic friends ??

bad influences ?? good influences ??

hook ups ?? like a lot of ‘em ??

confidante ?? just somebody he can. rant to.

academic rival just b/c i really love intense study-offs

enemies for whatever reason ??

exes ??

particularly this one ex he was really, really in love w/ but life just got really stressful and idk it affected their relationship and they sorta just. ended it. idk who ended it w/ who but it probably wasn’t mutual and he’s probably really still hung up about it. 

i mean i’ll take...anything...did they run into each other once and now just see each other everywhere??

unrequited things??

really cute close friendships??

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

211 of 2022

How do you dress when you’re not at work?

Hoodies and wide trousers, just as usual.

What is your favorite thing about yourself?

My sense of humour.

Tell me about the shirt you’re wearing?

I’m wearing a hoodie, you failed miserably with this question.

What was the first thing you thought this morning?

Something blurry. My brain is like cotton balls sometimes.

Who did you last say I love you to?

My husband.

Are you wearing shorts?

No, I’m wearing long trousers.

Ever had a boy best friend?

90% of my friends are guys. I get along better with men.

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

No, it’s cringey.

Do your parents actually knock on your door before entering your room?

My dad does, but I don’t even live with my parents.

Do you think sweat bands look hot on guys?

To each their own.

Have you ever thought a man over 40 was attractive?

Yeah, my husband is 50 after all. And my only *celebrity crush* ever is 40 years old now.

Would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you?

I have no preference. I don’t date people for their looks and, honestly, I struggle with understanding how some people do.

Can you honestly say you’re okay right now?

No, not much. I haven’t slept well again and I have a headache.

Is there a song that every time you hear it, you think of someone?

Yes, Walk the Moon - Shut Up And Dance.

What can’t you wait for?

My tattoo appointment. It’s scheduled on January next year.

Are you ticklish?

Very much so. Even in atypical places.

Do you have a bad temper?

Quite much so.

What brand of digital camera do you own?

Canon.

Have you ever seen a Broadway show in New York?

Never been to New York. Neither to the US at all.

Do you get drunk every weekend?

No, not anymore. Only on occasion.

What did you do today?

Basically nothing, besides waking up, showering and putting on clothes. I’m half-conscious.

Are you listening to music right now?

Yep. Lange Frans & Baas B - Represent (Beatkidz Remix). I’ve had a massive *crush* on Baas B since I was... 15, maybe? I don’t remember, but it’s been many years. I’ve always wanted to look like him, too.

Your last ex died today, how would you feel?

Devastated. He’s one of my best friends.

Do you like maxi dresses?

I don’t wear dresses, so at this point, this question is not relevant.

Do you worry about guys thinking you’re hot?

No, I worry about girls finding me hot. I’m not attracted to women in any way, besides platonic.

Are you healthy?

I have MFS and epilepsy, ask me later.

Do you like the idea of promise rings in relationships?

I do, very much so.

Did you wear sunglasses today?

I don’t wear sunglasses at all. I should, though, because my eyes are really sensitive to the light.

If you straighten your hair, how long does it take?

I don’t straighten my hair.

Can anyone in your immediate family play the guitar?

Yes, my uncle. He’s my dad’s brother.

Why were you last frustrated?

With myself, because I cannot express my feelings properly.

Would you date someone 8 years older than you?

My husband is 18 years older than me, do your math.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

Yes, about three.

Do you have a friend of the same sex you can talk to?

Of course. More than three.

What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex?

I’m a gay dude, no need to explain that the opposite sex doesn’t interest me. But girls seem to like me for some reason anyway. I don’t even know why. Most of them say I’m lovely.

What do you want to get accomplished today/tonight?

Better sleep, omg.

You’re single, right?

Married 4+ years, anything else to add?

Do you like the snow?

I hate snow. Thankfully it doesn’t sow here anymore.

When was the last time you were told you were cute?

Last evening or so.

Would you ever smile at a stranger?

I do, all the time. Almost all Belgians do, though, and I’m no exception.

Do you need to go shopping for anything?

Not necessarily these days.

How much have you changed in the last year or so?

I’ve grown up. I’ve been growing up gradually, but last year’s incidents only have made it stronger.

Do you have a favourite name? What is it?

Joris, for boys. It was my grandpa’s name and I kind of got my name from him, as both his name and my name are the Dutch variants of George.

Do you wrap up warm in the cold weather?

Sure. Hoodies AND blankets are a must.

If you could live anywhere, where would you choose? Why?

The Netherlands so I could smoke all their weed and hang out with handsome guys. Plus, we speak the same language, even though Dutch people make fun of Belgians for their pronunciation.

Do you have any habits you’d like to break? Which?

Self-hatred, most certainly.

Have you ever wished to be an internet celebrity? How about a ‘real’ one?

No and no. Fame doesn’t interest me, and lack of private life isa terrifying concept.

Have you kept any birthday cards from when you were younger?

Quite a few.

Have you ever been kayaking?

Once, I hated it.

Do you care overly about other people?

I don’t care what strangers think of me, but I do care about people I love or like, as in for their wellbeing.

If you could have any animal as a pet, which would you choose?

Always a cat. Optionally any shepherd dog.

What is your favourite piece of furniture you own?

My bed.

Do you still live with your parents?

No, I’ve been on my own for many years.

Have you ever been told your aspirations are unrealistic?

Yes, but I didn’t give up and I did it right.

When were you last jealous? Are you a jealous person?

No, I’m not a jealous person. The only thing I’d be ever slightly jealous of is good health.

Do you ever think about embarrassing moments and cringe?

I do and better, I usually torture myself with overthinking and overanalysing them.

Do you believe you will never get over someone?

My ex, in a way. Not like I’m planning to cheat on my husband, lol.

Do you watch scary movies on your own?

I don’t watch movies at all. Movies are boring.

What is your favourite family tradition?

Christmas dinners.

[thisisnotacomp]

Best Albums of 2020

I am a little bit late posting my list this year. I put it together in mid December but been slow to get it up. Without further ado, here are the best releases of 2020 according to me:

1. Run The Jewels - RTJ4 Honestly this was a pretty clear choice for me. EL-P and Killer Mike dropped RTJ4 a few weeks early after the news of George Floyd. This was the perfect soundtrack for what was unfolding across America. EL-P has been making amazing beats since since dropping Funcrusher Plus as a member of Company Flow in 1997. The fact that this album is a both a logical extension of his sound and so fresh 20 plus years into his career is no small feat. While this is the 4th true Run The Jewels album, the pair first teamed up in 2012 for Mike’s R.A.P. Music LP making this their 5th joint album. Killer Mike has been one of the most underrated MC’s and continue to show his chops on RTJ4. In a year that truly needed a soundtrack, Run The Jewels came through in a big way.

2. Ludovico Einaudi - 12 Songs From Home I am guessing most people haven’t heard “12 Songs From Home” which is a bit of a shame. If RTJ4 was the soundtrack of the year in protests the 12 Songs From Home was my soundtrack for the Pandemic lock down. Ludovico Einaudi recorded the album early in the lock down at home on his iPhone. Beautiful songs and simple arrangements helped to calm fraying nerves when the pandemic first started taking over the globe.

3. Tootard - Migrant Birds Here is another album that most of the world will never hear. If 2020 would have been a normal year, who knows if the great tracks here would have caught on to a wider audience. I guess it doesn’t matter. Migrant Birds was exactly what I needed to hear during the summer lockdown months. Upbeat 80′s disco sounds from the middle east transformed my backyard in Seattle. I am pretty confident that my most listened to track of the year was Moonlight. But the real gem of the release is “Stone Heap of the Wild Cat”. I mean its close to 4 mins of pure gold. 

4. Bill Callahan - Gold Record As the Dj Khaled drop goes Another One. Gold Record is Bill Callahan’s best release in 10 years. I loved 2019′s Shepherd in a Sheepskin Vest but there is just something about his 2020 release. It feels more like a true album start to finish than that album did. If you like Bill Callahan you have heard this album. If you like music and haven’t track it down. It doesn’t disappoint. 

5. Kelly Lee Ownes  - Inner Song If there is one thing that I am starting to notice as a move into middle age is that I prioritize releases from my favorite artists and don’t search out new music quite as much. I find it hard to accept new artists into this group. In 2020 Kelly Lee Ownes made the cut. Her 2017 self titled album was great but 2020′s Inner Song was above and beyond. Her sound is one of my personal favorites. I have always had a soft spot for fantastic low key electronic music. To do it right is really hard to pull off but Kelly has done it not once but twice. Start to finish Inner Song doesn’t miss a beat. Great Record

6. Caribou - Suddenly Home was one of my favorite tracks of the year. It was the first single released from Suddenly in late 2019. At the time my wife was traveling back and forth to NYC. The track hit the spot. Then the lockdown helped it to take on an even deeper meaning. Another great release from Dan Snaith.

7. Westside Gunn - Pray for Paris Pray for Paris was the best rap LP of 2020. Start to finish Westside Gunn killed it. Also, anyone who pairs with DOOM gets extra points in my book. R.I.P. MF DOOM. 

8. Fontaines D.C. - A Hero's Death Great follow up to their 2019 debut. If they keep this up they will be one of the best rock acts of their time. Side note, I was really hoping that the new Idles LP would be special. While it had its moments, it missed the mark. At least Fontaines filled the void.

9. Four Tet - Sixteen Oceans Four Tet took a step back from the more dance floor ready tracks on New Energy his 2017 release. Sixteen Oceans is a much more subdued affair which suited 2020 prefectly.

10. Sam Hunt - Southside  I am not a big fan on country music. While Southside needs to be categorized as country it is really a pop record. There are 4 incredible pop tracks on this release. Hard to forget, Kinfolks, Young Ones and Body Like A Back Road. While the album as a whole has some shortcomings, these tracks make up for them and more. 

11. Fleet Foxes - Shore This release came out of nowhere mid summer. Beautiful stuff.

12. Fuzz - III III is the 2nd best Fuzz LP. Best Original Fuzz, Fuzz III followed by Fuzz ll. Ty and team always bring it. 

13: The Budos Band - Long in the Tooth Back to basic’s from the best brass band on earth. Long Live Budos

14. Against All Logic - 2017 - 2019 Nicolas Jaar continues to release amazing dance music under his AAL name. 

15. Pop Smoke - Meet the Woo Vol. 2 R.I.P. Pop Smoke. Who knows what you where you would have gone if you were still here. 

16. Matt Karmil - STS371 Solid Electronic/Techno/House start to finish.  

17. Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist - Alfredo Gibbs recent output has been fantastic and Alfredo is no different. And a grammy nomination for best rap album. 2019′s Bandana LP with Madlib was a better release but it didn't get the grammy love. 

18. Jessie Ware - What's Your Pleasure? Jessie Ware gets back to what she did best on her debut LP Devotion. Much better than her previous albums. Great pop tracks start to finish.

19. Yves Tumor - Heaven to a Tortured Mind “Gospel For A New Century” is hands down the best lead off track of any album released in 2020. That beat is just incredible. Only problem with starting off your album with the best track is it's hard to match for the rest of the album. While it is the best track off the album the rest is great with stand outs like Kerosene! & Super Stars.

20. Shabaka and the Ancestors - We Are Sent Here By History Jazz is alive and well.

21. 21 Savage & Metro Boomin - Savage Mode II Savage Mode II is banging. One of my favorite rap tracks of all time is Ocean Drive from the first Savage Mode. That track is damn near perfect. II is dope as well with the highlight being Runnin’

22. Woods - Strange To Explain Weekend Wind is one of my favorite songs of 2020. Its over 7 mins long and I wish it would keep going. So great. 

23. Benny the Butcher - Burden of Proof Griselda is killing it. They are the best Rap collective at the moment. 

24.  Yaeji - What We Drew Waking up Down. So good. 

25. Drakeo the Ruler - Thanks For Using GTL Rap LP recorded entirely over the phone for jail. And it's damn good. 

[vmfx]

FULL MOON SPECIAL.

(Summer.)

This year Spring came and went a little easier than usual. Aside from a stomach-churning break-up that neither my now ex-girlfriend or I wanted to take part of, the Spring revival brought a brand new charge that I haven’t experienced in a long time. Feelings of meeting someone rare and opening up to them for the first time. An opportunity with an art-school-type Korean girl who nicely put me down but ended in an amicable consolation. Taking snapshots with the who’s-who of the Press at the trendiest post-production parties. Extended drives out west with my friend Jewish Mary discussing thoughts, feelings, summer plans, and laughing out loud over getting to know each other as friends.

The mania continued when we all discovered two social-networking sites that year: Myspace and Facebook. Both had opened a wide portal for anyone who used it. Not only did they offer an opportunity for friends and classmates to keep in direct contact with each other, but it also doubled as a dating or hook-up site. When it first opened people would randomly contact each other through a very curious yet open world with plentiful results. This was before the term ‘stalking’ was taken seriously, and when people were more welcome and less discriminating.

One day I was curious and did a search for people who liked Deftones. The first thing that came up was this black-and-white photo of a girl eating a King of Diamonds playing  by CouponDropDown" target="_blank">card with both hands and a happy chipper smile. I liked cute girls and I liked playing cards…and then I liked cute girls who liked eating playing cards, so who was I to pass this up? I jokingly messaged her to stop eating the King and cease being disrespectful. A day later, she replies.

Her name was Catherine. We messaged each other sparsely for two months being silly and then it stopped. I don’t know why. I assumed it just ran its course and that was that. I thought nothing of it, moved on and forgot about her.

**********

(Autumn.)

One afternoon in the campus news office I open my account to find a message waiting for me, feeling interested as always. Then I see who sent me that message: it was Catherine. Out of nowhere she decided to pop up and say hello…fifteen months later. What the circumstances were of why there was a fifteen-month silence between us I’ll never know. It did not matter anymore.

At first I could not remember who she was until it hit me, but it felt real good hearing from her again and I was amazed that she remembered me after a long silence. Very rarely in this nature would people do such a gesture these days. She told me she liked talking to me when we did which was why she contacted me again. There was no reason to not seize the opportunity to continue so we picked up where we left off. The rate of communication accelerated and quantified. Our next constant starts by getting to know each other.

What I first learned about Catherine had me very concerned. At the time, she found herself at home feeling lonely with a bottle of vodka nearby accompanied by a supply of painkillers and a pack of blades, extreme for someone I just started talking to. She was slipping and I pushed and persisted for answers because I am a savior to my friends. As she reached out to me, I had to reach out to her. I wanted to put the pieces together because I genuinely felt sorry for her. I was not as successful as first since she heavily guarded herself so I decided to tread very carefully.

Alternately, Catherine and I discussed philosophies and logic; life struggles, situations at hand and other miscellany. I discover that we had a good number of things in common. She listened to the very same music I was into when I was in high-school a decade before. (I preceded her by eight years and her birthday was only ten days after mine. I am a Virgo, she is a Libra.) She was into Nirvana, Alice In Chains, Nine Inch Nails, Stone Temple Pilots, and her number one Elliot Smith, certifying her as an alternative-rock sentry in my eyes. She wrote, did graphic design, and even attended the same university as I. She had creative qualities and I saw lots of potential in her, thus the race to rescue Catherine from her own personal black hole had become more essential, more so when I had week-long periods of not hearing from her.

Catherine should not have to drown herself every weekend in alcohol and loneliness nor let alone consume vicodin and oxycontin, so I felt. She also did not have to punish herself by cutting, either. All this as a result of social neglect and mostly being un-accepted in her high-school years, with her using and drinking as a means of coping now ignited due to meeting some guy at a party who introduced her to a sip of beer. I now gave her an opportunity to come out and be at a safer place, to bring her out and have dinner with me to discuss her situation.

During this time, I was going through a very heavy period of discovering music. Tower Records was going under and were closing its doors for good by the end of the year. One night after work I paid my final visit there and I picked up Public Image Limited, The Buzzcocks, Stereolab, and Jesu. Roy Ayers, Ladytron, Leonard Cohen, Boards Of Canada, and much more. Artists I either meant to try or even discovered out of nowhere. And back at the Press office, someone somehow uploaded a lot of music into one of our office computers ripe for the taking. Direct Control, Regulations, Stereo Total, NON, and MF Doom were playing endlessly while I furiously typed away articles for the next issues of the semester; after which I occasionally took a break for spicy fried rice at the campus’ Asian food quarter. A scent of lime was present, in tandem reminding me of the cold air and starry night skies complimenting that Autumn.

The turn of the New Year arrived when I was at the campus radio station doing a countdown set with several on-air staff. I contacted Catherine when the show was over. We decided the time was right to finally meet up after her Thursday secret meeting. We weighed our options including any given Greek diner for midnight breakfast, but we opt for American instead.

**********

(Full Moon, January.)

Daily errands were done. In the afternoon I went clothes shopping and bought a watch, a black t-shirt with a cassette printed on the front and a grey pocket t-shirt with some gold lettering. The scent of lime now replaced by a strong hue of blue and white static powder. Later that night, I spearheaded a radio station meeting as program director with several other talents about what extra equipment, wires, boards, and knobs to buy for our studios. After two hours of sitting through the meeting taking suggestions and going over schematics I finally conclude the meeting. All I had eaten so far was a Snickers bar but I wasn’t feeling hunger pangs. I was still standing.

I walk out of the building and it was extremely cold. A bright full moon and stars were out with absolutely no clouds or snow in sight. I called Catherine on my white cell-phone to let her know my meeting was over. Her secret meeting concluded as well. Both of us were on the way. We would trade several more phone calls to make sure we would stick to our guns.

I arrive at the American restaurant. It was a crowded Thursday night, the day of the week most students from campus migrate here to unwind and eat. Noisy as usual, lots of people talking, cups and glasses clinking, excitement and loud music fill the air. I sit at the lobby waiting to finally meet Catherine for the first time, wondering what she could really be. I had no idea what to expect or what she really looked like in person.

I was about to find out, and here she is.

I see Catherine walk into the restaurant. When I looked up at her for a moment to verify if it was her or not; everything registered to line up with themselves and I call her out. “Catherine!” I get her attention and she turns to me. We were thrilled to see each other and trade smiles and pleasantries. She was this young thin self, her neck-length Trixie hair, slim purple long-sleeve sweater and black jeans torn at the knees. She sits to my left in the lobby and our conversation starts off with three topics in a matter of five minutes: her secret meeting in Port Jefferson which she refused to divulge, how she drove out to and missed the record store in Ronkonkoma, and what was possibly wrong with her cable box. Five minutes later our maitre d’ escorts us to a window-side booth seated adjacent from eight loud and noisy frat boys who thankfully did not start in with us. After a year and a half, here was the first time we would get to talk to each other, face-to-face.

I order chicken stir-fry. Catherine orders only a diet Coke. “Are you sure?” I ask her, and politely she said she wasn’t hungry. I upped the ante and told her that dinner was on me and she could have anything she wanted, no worries. But she stopped at a diet Coke and said it was OK. I gave in and nicely obliged.

We went forward and re-iterated every conversation we had over the last three months. Catherine was very soft-spoken. So soft spoken that I had to lean toward her to focus on every word she said, and on one occasion I kindly told her to speak just a little louder. My undivided attention was on her when she said every word since she had the loveliest eyes I had ever seen. Big eyes. Lovely eyes. Obvious eyes. Memorable eyes. Cat eyes. Eyes that made her very cute. Eyes that ‘made’ Catherine.

We went more in-depth about the parallels we had. I was still very flattered Catherine was into the very music I was years prior. Had she went to high-school with me she would have been accepted to my circle of friends with no problem. She also mentioned that once she was a Cinema/Cultural Studies major on our campus. However, we had no classes together and the two years that she attended our university we did not once cross paths, but very well could have.

We talked and listened to each other more and more, progressing without one single hitch. No missteps, no awkward looks, no slip-ups, no back-pedaling. It was only Catherine and I sitting across from each other with all the time in the world having a complex yet honest, concerning, intelligent conversation; a type of conversation extremely rare in our disposable, attention-deficit, lowest-common-denominator world. She was that someone different than the rest who was exactly on my level. I was that someone who would give her the concern, understanding, and the attention she was looking for.

Our night, however, was drawing to a close and I wanted to end it on a high note. I asked Catherine if she had gotten a hold of Elliott Smith��s Figure 8, one which she was missing. She was in the midst of explaining herself when I take the CD out of my jacket pocket placed next to me and tossed it on the table right in front of her, a late Christmas present for a friend to bring herself and her spirits up. She was in total amazement. So much it spilt all over the table. She could not believe I would do such a thing for her.

Catherine then offered me anything I wanted. She even waved her money in my face for the CD which I absolutely dead-refused to take. What I wanted in return was to see her again, and soon.

**********

To this day, no one I have ever met in my life gave me a surreal thrill just by being with someone for three hours. I felt amazed that I even met her.

Catherine was without a doubt one of the most original and unique people I’ve met, ever. Hands down. No contest. She had a lot of things about her that no one could copy, because everything about her was hers. From the music she listened to, her philosophy, her good parts, her bad parts, even her looks…it was all hers, as if there was an art to her.

She was real interesting and because of her conversations I tried to reach out and look out for her. She made me want to look forward to meeting her again and in the process got my mind off a lot of things because she was really that special. I bought her that gift just to prove to her that I can help her out and bring her up in any way.

It was that feeling of meeting someone who was more to my liking, whose complexion was young, her personality, looks, and features unique and rarely seen, the feeling of assurance because you finally had the answers to those swirling questions. In front of me was someone I believed was truly special despite her severe misgivings and flaws. Despite her errors, I only thought about the good things, colors, and feelings about her.

Every now and then I go back and listen to everything from that era. All those sounds are a watermark of that time when I first met Catherine and conjure up everything else that occurred at the time. That clear cold weather and the memory of lime, infinity, and powdery static. That white cell-phone, the spicy rice. Nights of heavy snow on campus and long night drives home. The series of Wednesday night radio shows and our resident DJ’s coming over to visit at the turn of midnight. Those loud nights of campus techno events and meeting different shades of Jewish women with different colors of hair, skin quality, fashion sense, glasses, make-up, and sweat. Those feelings, thoughts, shades, hues, and patterns of purple, blue, grey, black, and white. But none of anything could come close to that one defining moment of meeting Catherine, where from that point on it would watermark and define an era in a time where everything added up to equal an apex.

**********

We met again in Spring a couple of times thereafter. We sat down over ice cream and even traded more music to each other. I still truly believed that Catherine was someone special and stood out from everyone I have ever met, and I seriously wanted to remain in touch with her. She happily obliged as she gave me a sympathetic goodbye hug in the end.

Later on that season I had an art report to do and she had an affinity for museums. I offered Catherine an afternoon in New York City and we went to the MOMA as I prepared my critique about Joan Miro’s Women, Birds And A Star. At the end of that mostly sunny day we said goodbye to the city and took the train ride home together; our discussion of each others’ individual lives, future plans, and possible outcomes comprised the final hour of the last time we would ever see each other…for a long, long time.

Permission granted by the very same subject presented here.

[huhnerhexen]

1-50 :D

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted. What would you say?- oh shit, what the fuck we're both ace2. What's going on with the last person you kissed?- we're dating3. Would you care if your girlfriend did/does drugs?- it honestly depends on the scenario. Like medical marijuana is one thing and smoking crack is a whole other can of worms.4. Is your last name longer than 6 letters?- no, it's 5 letters long5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?- drunk6. Have you ever wanted someone but messed it up?- I mean I guess?? But it was before I was out of the closet and he was smol and innocent so idk if it counts??7. What does your last received text say?- yaaaaassss8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?- gee man, I don't know, I haven't really been keeping track9. Where was your last kiss at?- the house I was staying at in August with my girlfriend10. When is the last time you saw your sister?- I saw my biological sister on Monday, and my half sister a couple weekends ago.11. What do you drink in the morning?- coffee12. Where did you sleep last night?- in a big ass hotel bed13. Do you think relationships are hard?- I think relationships take work to build a strong foundation, but if it's worth it to you, it really doesn't feel hard. It's work you don't mind doing.14. If you could go back and change something in the past five months, would you?- yea, I'd go see IT (2017) even more.15. You're locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?- not really, no.16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?- I love the rain, but it always makes me cold straight to my core, so out of comfort for outdoor activities I'd say sunny. But if I'm spending the day inside, I'd prefer the rain.17. Do you know someone with the same middle name as you?- no, but hmu my middle name is Pearl.18. Are you wearing jeans, sweatpants, or pajama pants?- sporting those good ol' high waisted jeans.19. Do you think you'll be in a relationship in 3 years from now?- yea I think so, and I'd hope it would still be the one I'm in now.20. Does anyone like you?- romantically, yes. Otherwise probably not.21. Have you kissed anyone with a name that starts with S?- I've kissed someone who's last name starts with S, does that count?22. Is the last person you kissed gay?- hella23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?- Jennifer Lawrence, the bitch.24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?- I've got 3 so far, and there are many more I plan on getting.25. In the past week have you cried?- I mean I yawned so much my eyes were tearing up like a mf, but not like emotionally??26. What breed was the last dog you saw?- shit man, idk, but it had little orange booties on?27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?- in the shower, my bare ass isn't getting out into that freezing bathroom without drying off first. Then I can jump into my clothes asap.28. Have you ever kissed a football player?- real football or american football? Also no to both.29. Do you think you're old?- I don't think I'm old (I'm 19), but my body cracks and my knees give out so much that I physically feel old. 30. Do you like text messaging?- I love it31. What kind of day are you having?- an absolutely amazing day!!32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?- I got my nose pierced when I was 16, but I've been toying with the idea of getting my septum pierced for like a year. I just get scar tissue so easy and I don't want to have to deal with it inside my nose.33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?- I love warm fall days, but I also really like -45°C days so I guess both?34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?- yea, my dads35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?- a relationship, I don't have the emotional capacity to just have a fling with somebody.36. Are you a simple or a complicated person?- I'm a complicated person who pretends to be simple for the ease of others.37. What song are you listening to?- where is my mind cover by CALPURNIA38. When you say sorry do you mean it?- ok so I'm Canadian and I say sorry for everything. But if I'm apologizing I damn well mean it. If I sat sorry while walking down the street, or on the bus, I really mean "excuse me"39. Is there a girl who knows everything, or almost everything about you?- yea, I'm dating her.40. What made you start liking the person you like now?- ho boy, settle in. She's as warm as the sun and as beautiful as the stars, and I swear she knows everything, she's the smartest person alive. When she listens to you, she listens to listen, not to talk. She's the softest person in the world and when you're with her, it feels like you're home. When you're with her all you can feel is love.41. When did you last receive a text?- this morning.42. What is wrong with you right now?- I'm hungry.43. How well do you know the last person you texted?- pretty well I'd like to think44. Does anyone disgust you?- Jennifer Lawrence, the bitch. Also Trump45. Would you date anyone right now, if they asked you?- no, I'm already dating someone.46. Are you in a good mood right now?- no, I'm in a Great™ mood.47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?- Cory, one of the folks at the same training meeting as me.48. What colour shirt are you wearing?- it's a blue, red, yellow, green, orange, and gray shirt that's all tiny stripes.49. Has someone recently told you something you didn't want to hear?- yes, "the Gorilla Perfume Gallery only takes credit cards"50. Anyone you're giving up on?- not recently, but like a year ago I gave up on my childhood best friend because we grew apart so fast and our relationship became toxic.

[creativitytoexplore]

[MF] A Strangers Bench https://ift.tt/34RAWmL

First time posting a story publicly just for fun.. Here we go.

*"Oh, what a day!" a man says as he sits down on the bench, "it’s after midnight, a bit late isn't it?" The man states looking at the teen sitting next to him. Broken from her daze the girl looks at him and replies "Oh, uh yeah I just needed a minute". Without breaking the focus of packing his pipe with tobacco the man says, "I'm Gus". Watching as the almost hypnotized girl replies " Hi I'm Liz". "What brings you out at such a late hour Liz? To the park of all places" Gus asks as he laughs and lights his pipe. "I mean, your parents must be worried?" Gus continues. Liz folds her arms, looks at the ground as she uses her foot to draw in the mud and says "with how much they are fighting, I doubt they even know I'm gone. Which does not even make sense, they aren’t together anymore".

“Oh my, that’s never pleasant” Gus says as he looks up to the sky. Curious to the claim Gus asks, "Why do you say that?". Liz looks at him and says reaching for her bag "let's just say I haven't really been noticed lately by either of them, hence the reason I am here right now". She Pulls a bent cigarette out and puts it between her lips. As she goes to light the cigarette Gus takes it from her lips "These are bad for you". Irritated, Liz snaps back "you're one to talk, you're smoking a pipe". Gus laughs "I know it doesn’t seem fair, does it?", "fair has nothing to do with it" Liz says with a smirk on her face.

"You know why I am here, so what brings you out here tonight Gus?" Liz asks. Gus stares off into the distance for a moment then says, "I have been coming to this bench for seven years, ever since the night I lost my granddaughter". Liz feels a lump form in her throat, a tear escapes as she plays with her lighter. After a moment of trying to figure out what to say, all Liz could think to say is "I'm sorry". Gus gives a reassuring smile then says, "I return to this spot every year, Sometimes I swear I can still hear her". Gus says before taking a long hit of his pipe.

"What happened? If I may ask" Liz says in a slight mumble. Slightly choked up, Gus says "She was kidnapped" Gus says as a somber mood overtakes him. "Someone grabbed her from this bench while I had my back turned during a city festival in the park”. Gus runs his thumb on the rim of his old, yet polished pipe and says, “her name is Sarah, today is her birthday, she is fifteen". With a lack of words, Liz seems to only let out a melancholy "oh, I'm sorry". “I have never lost hope, even though everyone else have given up, saying she is most likely dead” Gus continues as he puts the pipe to his mouth.

“Excuse my manners Liz, but how old are you?” Gus asks as he strikes a match, lighting his pipe. “Sixteen and a half” Liz says as she continues to play with her lighter. Gus nods and says “ah, around my granddaughters age”. After a moment Gus gets a thought and says “you’re sixteen and smoking? Oh my”. Liz shrugs and says “well what do you expect? I walk on eggshells around the house, smoking is my stress relief, and the park is my escape”. Gus nods and hands Liz back the cigarette and says, “I don’t blame you, sounds tense”.

Liz straightens out the cigarette and lights it, “thanks Gus” Liz says blowing smoke out of her nose. Gus is silent for a moment then looks at Liz and says, “would you like to take a lap around the park on the path?”. Liz nods and cuts out her cigarette “sure Gus, it’ll give me time to let the smell of smoke air out of my clothes”.

The two stand up and make their way to the well-lit path that circles the park. Gus and Liz walk for another hour. As Liz listens to Gus describe Sara, Liz notices Gus’s mood change and look like a heavy weight has been lifted off his chest. Towards the end of the walk, Gus looks at Liz and says, “thank you for listening to me ramble, may I hug you?”. Caught off guard, Liz says “um” immediately Gus interjects “I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to come off as creepy or anything”. “No, you are okay and yes Gus I’m sure we could both use that hug”. The two hug and say goodbye and goodnight and go their separate ways.

Some months pass and the two strangers, who’s paths crossed one night on a park bench instantly clicked. when a beautiful day to spend at the park Liz wakes up and goes about her morning routine. Once ready for the day, Liz decides to go for a walk and ends up at the park. She decides to put her headphones in and heads down the path that she and Gus walked the night they met. About twenty minutes into the walk, Liz sees an opening to a pond with ducks that were not visible the night of their walk.

So Liz decides to go sit on a rock near the pond. After a short time, Liz hears a familiar voice say, “hey there stranger” and turns around quickly to see Gus standing there in the grass a few feet away. Liz smiles and says excitedly “oh my gosh! I didn’t think I would run into you again”. Gus chuckles and says and lets out a laugh “well here we are, how have you been Liz?”. Liz looks out at the pond and ducks in the distance, “well a good thing is my parents have not argued as much lately” Liz says as she pulls out a cigarette.

Gus notices the pressure and stands her up and hugs Liz. “Why the stress? Isn’t it nice to not have to be tensed and stress?” Gus asks as he pulls out a tissue from his pocket and wipes her tears away. Liz nods and says “yes, it is nice, but my dad left and now they’re getting divorced”. Gus is taken back by what Liz says and replies “I am so sorry, I didn’t know, I wouldn’t have asked”. Liz giggles and says “how could you have known? We haven't talked in a while”. Gus nods in agreement with Liz.

Gus signals to the bench they first met at, and Liz says, “oh yeah, let’s move over there”. As they sit down, Gus asks “how long has it been since we last spoke”. Liz looks at him and says “well, I’m about to turn seventeen and I have my drivers permit”. Gus pats her shoulder and says, “that is great, you have been busy”. Liz smiles and asks, “what about you?”. Gus’s smile and mood changes from happy to sad as he tells Liz the news. Gus tears up and says, “they found Sara, but before I could get to the hospital she passed away, Sara told a nurse to tell me that she is in a better place and that she doesn’t blame me”.

Liz's heart drops and she starts to tear up along with Gus and all she could muster up to say is “oh shit”. Gus with a lump in his throat, and a shaky voice just nods for there are no words he himself can muster up. The two sit in silence for what seems like hours, neither able to break the silence until Liz’s phone goes off. “I have to take this” Liz says as she stands up and walks a few feet away.

After a brief conversation Liz returns to the bench. “I’m sorry” Liz says looking at the ground. Gus speaks up and says, “no need to apologize, it’s quite alright”. Just then they are approached by a guy holding a stack of papers, “hello folks, I would like to invite you to the city festival in the park”. Gus reaches out for the paper that is held out in front of him, and Liz can see his hand shaking and gets the paper for Gus. Liz notices that Gus’s breathing is increased and sees his hands shaking, and tears pouring down his face, so she turns to the man with the flier's thanks him and gets him to quickly leave.

Liz turns her attention back to Gus and she walks over to him and rubs his back. Knowing he is having an anxiety attack due to her having anxiety too and knowing how it feels, Liz reaches into her bag and grabs her anxiety meds and the one of the waters she packed and hands it to Gus. Almost immediately Gus hands Liz the pill back to Liz and says, “I don’t take pills”. Liz says, “Are you sure?” before putting the pill back in the bottle. Gus nods and Liz puts the pill back.

Liz sits next to Gus and rubs his back while she says, “you are safe” and “I am here and won't leave”. Gus does not speak but nods, for the next little while they sit there silently. Liz consoling a man that she met one time and barely knows. Liz puts those thoughts aside and realizes Gus’s breathing has returned to normal and he is not shaking as bad. In a mellow calm tone Liz says “hey, let’s walk around a little bit, a change of scenery. They get up and start walking and after a few minutes, Gus turns to Liz and says, “thank you”.

Liz smiles and answers back “I have panic attacks at least twice a week, so if I can help someone else through theirs, I don’t mind”. Gus looks at Liz and asks, “you do?”, Liz nods and Gus continues “it sucks”. “Huh you can say that again, I hate having to take meds just to feel numb from it all” Liz says as she swings a stick she picked up along their walk. Confused, Gus asks “what do you mean numb to it all?”.

Liz smirks and says, “I used to self-harm, with how much my mom and dad used to argue it became an escape that let me have control of something in my life". Gus tears up again and hugs Liz saying, “Oh my dear I’m sorry you got to the point that you turned to harming yourself, do your parents know?”. Liz shakes her head and says “no, I don’t think they would care much if they did”. At this point Gus is shook to his core, Liz continues “yep as long as I smile around them and live in my jacket, they assume I am happy and fine”.

Liz sees how this is affecting Gus, so she ends the conversation with “but I am doing better now”. As they came to the end of the trail, Gus looks at his watch and says, “oh I best be going, but I do hope our paths cross again”. Liz smiles and says, “same here Gus” and heads home. Arriving back at home, Liz is met by her dad standing by his car saying “where the hell have you been? Your mother went to work so I’ve been waiting in my car for hours I thought about leaving”. Liz thinks and remembers that she was supposed to go to her dads for the weekend. “I’m sorry dad I completely forgot” Liz says pulling out her house key “give me a few minutes and I’ll be ready to go”. As Liz packs her bags she starts thinking about the past times of staying with her dad, remembering the lack of effort from her dad when it comes to getting to know her.

When Liz returns home, she goes straight to the park to see if Gus was around so she has someone who seems to put in effort and cares enough to ask how she is doing. As Liz approaches the bench where she and Gus met, she notices that the bench has been replaced. “Wow a new bench, Gus will love this” Liz thinks to herself as she sits down.

After a while of sitting on the bench and concluding that Gus must not be coming today or that she has already missed him, For the first time Liz notices a raised piece of metal and screws pressing on her back. As she stands up and turns around, she looks at the shiny plaque on the bench that reads “In Loving Memory of Gus Fitzgerald”.

It takes a moment to register, but when she realizes what has happened her eyes start to tear up. “What? No, this can’t be real” Liz says in a chocked-up voice. Just then an elderly lady walks up tissue in hand and sniffling. “Are you okay?” Liz says to the lady. Without word, the lady nods and places a rose on the bench and proceeds to walk away. The rest of the day was spent in silence as Liz sat and remembered the brief encounter with Gus Fitzgerald.

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[thecloudupblog]

Q&A With Broke Face

1. Where are we talking from today? I am currently writing from the kitchen table as I've been gently nudged out of my home studio, dubbed Found Sound Laboratory, by my daughters and their friends while they have an impromptu jam session on drums, an old Casio (named Casios Clay), pink ministrat, and a cheap radio shack mic plugged into an even cheaper tremolo amp. It's polyphonic insanity that sounds better than anything I could spend months trying to perfect in GarageBand. 2. Where did you get your artist name from? BrokeFace is a name that came out one day while I was writing lyrics and I dug it. It's become a persona I can use to really get to the crux of something I'm meditating on. I personally might not be able to point out a very painful truth about me to myself, which I consider one of my responsibilities as a writer, but BrokeFace has that freedom and it's been quite liberating, if not a little harrowing. 3. Music-wise what are you working on right now? Are you currently promoting a single or album? I am currently finishing an album titled Dirty White. It's a mixtape of pieces I've been working on since I started writing my own music about 4 years ago. I've recently felt a very strong sense of what my sound is, which is something I haven't been able to grasp since I began to make my own music. As I was putting the album together, it was shaping up to be a chronicle of that journey. I was also able to find a through-line sound wise so, to me, the album sounds like one long song that goes all over the map but feels whole as well. I haven't figured out what to release for singles but Love Beast, Grasshoppers, and Swear Off are strong songs. 4. Who or what were the most significant influences on your musical life and career? Well, the Dirty White album is very much influenced by albums like Beasties Check Your Head, Radiohead's O.K. Computer, Kendrick Lamar's Damn, and to some extent Zappa and P-Funk as well as Prince. There's a Purple Rain cover on the album. As a child growing up in the Massachusetts suburbs near Plymouth, I first started piano then, wanting to be John Bonham, on to the drums, but slowly realized that John Paul Jones was the spirit of Zeppelin. Those discoveries, along with all of the music of the 50s and 60s (Rock (Chuck Berry), r&b (Otis, what?!), Jazz (Monk), country, (Dolly), et al.) got me wanting to learn all instruments so I picked up keys, bass, guitar and anything else I could get my paws on, including the accordion which made its way,  almost unrecognizable, on to a couple of ambient songs on the album. In the 90s I was taken over by all the music coming out from Pixies to GnR to INXS to cheesy stuff too (I'll sing Seal's Kissed By A Rose at the top of my lungs if it comes on so watch out). At the same time, my brother gave me the Zappa albums Sheik Yerbouti and Chunga's Revenge which blew my mind. Then, I heard Rage Against the Machine which lead me to Public Enemy and Tribe Called Quest and there was no getting me back once I start down that road. Today, I have really opened up to everything and anything. I'm absorbing music at an insane rate and it's awesome, there is so much good stuff out there. 5. Who are your favorite musicians? Right now I'm going back to school to get a music composition degree so I'm deeply entrenched in the classics. It's cliche, but JS Bach was insane. Insane. You listen to his stuff and you hear Metallica's One, you hear Wu-Tang busting out polyphonic layers over some harpsichord beats. It's still in everything. Other than that, I'm listening to Kendrick, TV on the Radio, Lizzo! (New album is so good), my girls turned me on to Mattiel, Nathy Peluso, Ariana Grande. I think Cardi B's tunes are pretty good, the production is great on her stuff. And sorry but I like LilNasX's song C7osure (damn you Spotify for your algorithm!). I would like to say I hate Charlie Puth, but I don't have much say to what songs get stuck in my head. I really dig MF Doom and everyone he worked with like King Ghidorah (Tic, Tic is amazing). Black Star May have an album soon so I'm mostly freaking out until that happens. Vampire Weekend's new album is good. Kevin Abstract is good. I've also been going through old tunes I liked as a teenager and seeing if they hold up - Smashing Pumpkins were so good... that C&C Music Factory, though... 6. What have been the greatest challenges/frustrations of your career so far? I think it was the point at which I was writing music and not knowing what my sound was so I was all over the place but not finding a connection between them all. I found myself asking everybody around me if something sounded good or just completely hiding it away and not showing anyone. Which was extremely frustrating, like I was ashamed of just being me. It's a much longer connection to many things throughout my life where I looked to others to approve of what I did, when they said I probably shouldn't do something that I was getting into, I made the mistake of listening all the time and not knowing the right kind of person to listen to, or most importantly, not finding my inner will. Dirty White is very much a turning point from that unsure area to the "oh, this is my voice, it was here all along" and just owning it, which is so fulfilling. Dirty White explores a great deal of having a voice taken away, whether I watch it being taken from people most susceptible to the overpowering and unequal distribution of wealth, or I watch white men, like myself, take their own voice away as they slip into their own protective skin color and economic place. This album is really my own meditation on my feeling of impotence when it came to bringing needed change to us as humans. I joke sometimes, get a white, liberal man mad enough, he'll start a podcast. I made an album. It doesn't fix everything but it feels like a start and maybe it will help someone, who knows. 7. As a musician, what is your definition of success? Getting up every day and being aware as much as I can be; aware of when I'm present, when I'm not, of what my gifts are and how I can cultivate them so they can help me and others. Awareness affects everything I do; writing music, hanging with my family, friendships, work. It puts the quality of life into whatever quantity of life I may have left. 8. What is your idea of perfect happiness? Being awake for all of it, all of what life is, whether it is joyful or unpleasant, which goes in tandem with the success question. Happiness is a very interesting term that I spend a great deal of time meditating on - how it's defined for the purposes of consumerism, which controls our lives and the hot button political topics of today; economic racism, women's control of their body, wars with oil-rich countries, etc. Maybe another album is in there. 9. What is your present state of mind? I always have musical ideas happening in my head but I have, like any other person does, a very full schedule where I'm not working on music, so that can feel hectic, but at least I feel, right? I made the intro song on Dirty White, called Crazy Diamonds, as a wake-up song for myself. Like, literally something to wake up to. It is over the top in its good feelings and positive reinforcement, which kind of prepares the listener for an album that gets into some deep, dark areas. Like doing some cardio before going into therapy, get the blood moving. I need that positivity reminder because I can get overwhelmed and just want to be cynical and binge watch Netflix. That thing where you 'just say positive things until you feel better' works for me and that's where I am right now; calmly hectic with cynical positivity. It helps to have a rhythm and keep busy at all times. This album is built around rhythm, the first song is morning or springtime and it works through the darkest part of night/winter to the very last song being the sunrise of the next day/return to spring. It may sound like it was super planned but I'm not that good, it really fell together in that way naturally. 10. What is your most treasured possession? Two gifts every day when I open my eyes. Also, I really like coffee. 11. What do you enjoy doing most? Writing music while my kids make an insane amount of noise around me. I use their sounds to make ambient beats and all kinds of craziness. When you can't have silence, make music from the noise. 12. Where would you like to be in 10 years' time? Making music and being aware. That sounds boring. How's this; living on an Elon Musk owned space station with my family and friends, floating around the earth like that Fhloston Paradise cruise ship in Fifth Element and we get free lodging because I'm part of the house band. Mos Def, relaxing from his retirement, is the band leader and a still-alive Tom Waits provides spoken word and other noises while I, like some crazy Dick Van Dyke a la Mary Poppins, supply beats and ambient sound with the Roots and Keith Richards as a backing band. Keith is in better shape than all of us and the ship is propelled by our music. That sounds better. 13. Where you @ online? Instagram - @BrokeFaceMusic Twitter - @Broke_Face SoundCloud - https://soundcloud.com/user-920314086