#haven’t been screaming much about how much I love Hayden lately

[stormxpadme]

How I made peace with my favorite franchises getting fucked over

I talked about this to @effervescentdragon and it was kind of an epiphany, so I felt like sharing, because maybe someone else feels the same and can use a few positive thoughts.

With Hollywood running out of ideas respectively courage, a very specific generation of fandom is facing a renaissance recently. If you are a dinosaur like me and were online from the moment, internet went big, if you were part of the first big online fandom spaces from ca. 2000 on, chances are good you’ve been feeling like you’ve used the TARDIS in the last few years a couple of times and were stuck in it for good in the last few months.

I think it started, for me … Well, with MCU still being one of the major franchises these days, let’s not forget that the first huge superhero online fandom grew around 2000 with what was - along with the first two Maguire Spider-Man-movies - one of the first excellent big screen comic adaptions, X-Men. So this process of rehashing geek icons of the last, say, 30 years, at least for me already started a few years back when they tried to save the old X-Men movie series, including not only a timeline that was supposed to fix what X-Men: The Last Stand fucked up but also some of the original actors.

Well, turns out that was only the beginning, doesn’t it? In the last couple of years and especially months, we have seen the original 3 Jurassic Park icons return and Keanu and Carrie-Anne return for Matrix. We have Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen teaming up for a series set in an era that - surprise, surprise - people don’t hate half as much as the dudebros wanted to make you believe around 2005. We have a Star Trek series that put a closure to one secretly beloved character like Wesley Crusher, who is - not least thanks to his nerdy and mental health advocate actor being very active on social media - also not half as hated as everyone thought. And reviving the rest of the old crew is coming up in the next season of Picard. We had Jamie Lee Curtis returning for Halloween and Neve Campbell and the rest of the original actors once more returning for a Scream movie. Not to mention MCU hogging those Spider-Mans and even the original Professor X now.

And a couple of days ago, the bomb was dropped that what’s probably one of the most beloved Doctors aka Tennant will return for a special with his companion.

I don’t know how you guys feel, but a geek of my generation (proud Xennial, born ‘82, bullied for 8 years straight in school so I had nothing but movies and series), I’ve been getting whiplash lately.

Here’s the thing: Most of these franchises I just mentioned that I’m in have let me down beyond belief. Some of them more than once.

X-Men: The Last Stand was the first major disappointment I ever had with a franchise I loved. The new movies couldn’t save that for me.

Star Wars died for me the moment they killed the old EU. I gave the new movies a chance. They sucked for me.

I stopped watching Star Trek mid-Voyager, and my interest as a whole not least dropped because of how they treated Wesley in Star Trek: Nemesis. I’m okay with the new movies but nothing I hear about the new series had hooked me up so far.

I still haven’t watched Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom because boy, did I not think they could make it any worse after Jurassic Park III but holy shit, is Chris Pratt annoying in this reboot.

After Avengers: Age of Ultron happened, I had to leave tumblr. I simply couldn’t deal with fandom anymore, with all tags and my dash filled with stuff I hated. I only watched MCU movies when I had to watch them for my magazine. And just to be very clear, I’ve been such a die-hard MCU fan, I paid a lot of money in 2014 to go to SDCC just for that experience. And I still haven’t been able to get myself to watch Hawkeye and Black Widow. I was hurt too much over those characters.

So what I’m trying to say is: I should be feeling anxious as fuck right now, with that rehash process going on and on. Eru knows I have been for far too long.

Like, when I get my hopes up for a beloved franchise too much, usually things like the The Hobbit-movies happen that I can’t watch unless I’m drunk enough to deal with them, or a franchise goes downhill so unbelievably quickly, like in the moment when they let Joss Whedon take the first pen for Age of Ultron in his sexist little hands. It always felt like whenever I loved something too much, it was doomed to go to shit.

I was already torn between being devastated and so fucking EXCITED when they rebooted the X-Men movie series back then. Especially when it was clear Patrick, Hugh and then Famke and James were coming back. What can I say? They managed to turn me away from the new movies as well. It is beyond me how you can fuck up a brilliant story like the Dark Phoenix saga two times in a row.

At this point, I don’t even expect Hollywood to do anything but fuck it up further when they try to fix things using elements people used to love.

So when news broke about that new Obi-Wan series and Hayden, I should have been fucking GUTTED. Star Wars was one of the best times of my life. My eating disorder was doing okay, I had several expensive, beautiful cosplays and at the Revenge of the Sith premier, I met George Lucas and Hayden and was told by them, my AOTC Pastel Lake Dress was beautiful. I love the PT, unashamed and unironically, and everyone can suck my ladyballs about that. And now they got Ewan and my boy back and JFC, I should just be shutting my internet down, now that the promo has started and I’m beginning to see this everywhere.

And here I am sitting, realizing, quite amazed ... I no longer care.

After The Hobbit-movies, I think it was, I decided something very important for myself. I don’t need to accept the official canon. Just because I’m a fan of something, doesn’t mean I have to be a fan of each and every aspect. I don't need to watch/read the parts I hate. In fandom online spaces, I don’t need to follow people posting about these things, and I can use extensive blacklists. I can leave conversations when they’re about aspects of franchises that I don’t like. I’ve never been someone who tries to spoil other’s fun of something I hate. So if a place is not for me, I can just go.

I didn’t realize how liberating that was until like, 2015. Until that point, canon had always been a mandatory fact for me. That’s coming a lot, I think, from having been a fanfiction writer for 30 years. When I started publishing online, canon purists were still far more common. Your stories were far more likely to be widely ignored and even dragged if you didn’t stick to canon accurately. With time, I found that I’m a niche author anyway, and the stuff I write won’t appeal to more or less people, just because I force myself to acknowledge parts of canon I hate.

So I started slapping “verse: movie(s) x exclusively” on my stories and started to just fucking ignore what I didn’t like. And after I while I realized, I didn’t need to limit that approach to fanfiction. Time is far too short and too precious to waste it with consuming media I know I won’t like.

So what I do is when something like Wesley’s return or cameos of my favorite characters in franchise incarnations I hate happen these days is: I wait. I’m not in a hurry. I don’t need to write reviews the moment these things are out. I can lean back and wait until my anxiety issues allow for a new piece of media to consume. In the meantime, I read up what they did with elements I love so much. When I feel I can stomach seeing them and/or if the new incarnation actually FIXES something for once, I’ll watch either just the scenes in question or maybe even catch up with some other franchise installations I missed.

Sometimes that works out, sometimes it doesn’t. Like. The X-Men timeline is far too fucked up to repair that canon in any way, not least because of the Logan movie. I might as well give Picard a chance soon though, because watching that Wesley scene (and reading Wil’s thoughts about the whole process), for the first time in a long while, I had a feeling we're dealing with writers here who actually UNDERSTAND. I’ll probably watch the Obi-Wan series, but I already know there is no way this is going in “my” verse since it’s new EU. But I might enjoy it anyway.

So every now and then, I’ll visit current installations of my favorite franchises, and every now and then I might even like them. Might even incorporate them in my own verse in one or the other way (if nothing else, usually faceclaims and/or other material for graphics and videos is the least I can get out of new installations like that; we do NOT talk about Days of Future Past though, because how they managed to fuck up things like Scott's glasses like that is beyond my wildest imagination).

Sometimes, canon surprisingly kind of fixes itself in a satisfying way, like in MCU where they now introduced multiverse and everyone feeling like me can just pretend we’re back in Winter Soldier and nothing coming after that happened in canon, because there’s millions of canons now. Seriously, multiverse is the best that can happen to a writer and a broken fan heart.

I’ve had people tell me “BUT YOU CAN’T DO THAT, YOU HAVE TO CONSUME AND TAKE CANON LIKE IT IS, EVERYTHING ELSE IS DISRESPECTFUL TO THE WRITERS” and I’m like. What? Gonna cry? Gonna shoot me or something? What fucking business of yours is it how I consume my media? I’m not posting hate in character tags, I leave conversations when fans of things I hate are around, I label all my fanfics clearly enough to not steal any reader’s time.

Fanart is not always but very often fixing the canon reality you don’t want to deal with. And for me, that saved my whole fandom experience.

Gosh it feels GOOD, finally no longer giving a fuck.

TL;dr: As my dear effervescentdragon said: "if i dont like it it didnt happen, xoxo, fuck off"

Seriously. It will give you so much peace.

[luna-redamancy]

You Always Find Your Way Back Home - Part Twelve

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The mug in your hands warmed you as you took in the reality you were surrounded in. The smell of chamomile filling your nostrils as you rubbed your thumb nervously over the rim. 

“All we can do now is wait,” Alvina’s words echoed in your ears as you stared out the window, wait. That’s all you can do, wait and hope for a miracle to happen. To hope the One Ring gets destroyed.

Huffing out of your nose you pressed your forehead to the glass, the cold making you sigh and shut your eyes. The sound of the rain’s pitter-patter soothing you temporarily.

Arms slipped around your waist, Thranduil’s head on your shoulder as the two of you watched the storm rage on outside your cottage. Your plants happily sitting in the window. 

“What’re you thinking about?” Thranduil hummed at you, his thumbs tracing comforting circles on the curve of your waist. 

“How much I hate storms,” You grumbled, watching lightning crackle in the distance, setting a tree ablaze. “It destroys so much,” You mumbled, letting your own hand fall to cover his own in an affectionate manner. 

“Well, storms are also a sign of new beginning, the past being washed away to allow a new dawn to begin,” Thranduil replied, pressing a kiss to your temple. “To have a new beginning, an old story must end,” He hummed again, looking out of the window once more. “An old story is ending, while ours is just beginning.”

Your eyes felt heavy as you opened them again, tears brimming the surface as you sniffled. “Will our story end a tragedy? Or a lovely happy ending?” You whispered out loud, sending a mental prayer to Vala to help you stay strong as you could only wait to see what fate had in store for you. 

Your mug now felt cold, the steam of your tea now lost, making you realize how long you had been sitting there wallowing. Shaking your head you made your way to the kitchen to pour it down the sink. 

Family photos littered the hallway, you with your parents, your cousins, your siblings, your nieces, and nephews. A bittersweet taste fills your mouth as you let your eyes linger on them. You looked so happy. Your eyes were filled with joy as you held your baby niece for the first time, as you hugged your sister at her wedding, as you smiled at the camera with your mother on her birthday. 

“Yet none of it is real…” Your expression went blank as you avoided thinking about the life you could have had if you never went to middle-earth if you never got placed in this world, to begin with.

Shaking your head again, you smacked your cheeks lightly to bring you back to reality. “Everything happens for a reason, stop it,” You huffed, grabbing out a bag of popcorn, “That’ll clear my mind,” You mumbled,  “A Christmas movie.” 

______

“After all these days of journeying beside you, Legolas, I haven’t seen you so troubled until now,” Aragorn began, eyes watching his friend very carefully. 

Legolas looked out onto the horizon, his jaw clenched and shoulders tense. “If Frodo, the ring-bearer, does not succeed in destroying this ring, I may lose my mother for good.” Legolas slowly let out, his eyes looking anywhere but Aragorn, afraid if they locked eyes Legolas wouldn’t be able to hold his facade any longer.

“The dark magic of the ring…” Aragorn struggled to find the words, “Took your mother from you?” 

Legolas nodded, “I lost her once, and I’ve lost her again because of the resurfacing of the ring,” He explained, his shoulders slowly losing their tenseness. 

“You’re worried Frodo won’t be able to complete his task?” 

Legolas stayed silent, he truly didn’t know what he believed. 

“Well. Hobbits are miraculous creatures, my friend, do not doubt so easily.” Aragorn gave a reassuring smile as they continued to look out on the horizon together. 

Legolas nodded, his eyes drifting up to the stars, the hairs on the back of his neck began to stand up, a feeling of dread washing over him. 

“The stars are veiled, something stirs in the east… a sleepless malice,” Legolas began a sick feeling stirring in his stomach. 

“The eye of Sauron is moving, watching,” Legolas’ eyes narrow into a glare as he pulls Aragorn back inside. “We must hope that Frodo and Sam make it before it is too late.”

_____

“Hey! Hands off! That shiny shirt- that’s mine.” The Uruk-Hai commander Shagrat called out to the orc, Gorbag. “It’s going to the great eye, along with everything else that was on him!” Gorbag yelled in response, motioning towards Frodo, tied up and bare except for his undergarments. 

Frodo stayed still, realizing they still thought he was knocked out from spider venom. Carefully reaching up towards his throat, his eyes widened. The ring was gone. 

Sam marched through the gates, adrenaline and fear pushing him to find Frodo. “I can’t believe I left him… Oh Mr.Frodo, please be okay…”

Finding his way to a courtyard, Sam covered his mouth in shock. Over fifty orcs, slaughtered in the courtyard. “Frodo must be here somewhere,” He told himself as he began climbing the staircase, slowly realizing a few Uruk-Hai were coming toward him. Gulping down a breath, Sam glared as he unsheathed Sting. Letting a scream belt from his throat, Sam ran up the stairs toward them.

“That’s for Frodo! And for The Shire! And for my old Gaffer!” Sam yelled as he cut them down one by one, as he rushes past them and into the nearest place he could see, the tower. ‘Where else would they keep Frodo?’ He thought to himself. 

“Stop your squeaking, you dunghill rat!” Gorbag demands, his eyes filled with rage as he watched Frodo struggling in his binds. 

“I’m gonna bleed you like a stuck pig,” He growled as he pulled out a dagger, slowly moving toward Frodo. Before he could move any further, Frodo watched in horror and relief as Sting was protruding from the other side of his body.

“Not if I stick you first,” Sam grunted, shoving him off his sword. 

“Sam!” Frodo called out, relief filling his entire being as Sam began to cut his binds. “Oh Sam, I’m so sorry… for everything.” 

“Enough of that, come on,” Sam shook his head, helping Frodo up. 

“It’s too late, Sam,” Frodo’s voice was filled with despair, “-They have the ring now, they took it from me,” 

“I beg your pardon, but they haven’t done such a thing,” Sam smirked, pulling the ring from his pocket. 

“I thought I’d lost you, Mr.Frodo, so I kept it… For safekeeping, of course,” Sam showed Frodo the ring, Frodo’s eyes filling with amazement, “Give it to me, Sam.” 

Sam hesitated, the tone of Frodo’s voice startling him. “Please, give me the ring, Sam.”

Slowly Sam dropped the ring into Frodo’s palm, watching as Frodo’s body sagged in relief. “The ring is my burden, Sam… It will destroy you,” Frodo looked at Sam with pained eyes, “I could never ask you to hold that burden for me.”

Sam could only nod as he felt no words could describe how he felt about Frodo doing such a thing for him. To ease the tension, Sam cracked a smile. “Come on Mr.Frodo, we best find you some clothes. Can’t have you going through Mordor like that.” 

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Thranduil Tag: @indelwen-of-mirkwood @sapphireduck @ashleygrrrl @katiegoddessofmischief

[thetomorrowshow]

Mutually Beneficial Ch. xxxiii

First  -  Previous  -  Next  -  Chapter list

Recommended listening: Cavetown - Juliet

Tw: LOGAN ANGST, pain, slight body horror, a character spirals, self-deprecating thoughts

A/N: Hey all! Thanks for being so patient as the updates have been taking longer! If you didn’t know, my dominant hand is sort of screwed up, so writing/typing has been difficult. I will be updating at least once a week, every two weeks if that isn’t feasible. Love you guys!

-

Logan still couldn't see.

He had woken four hours and fifty-two minutes after passing out. He had at once been distressed at the darkness, with no way of knowing he'd actually woken. Then he'd heard Roman's “Thank Zeus!” and Patton's “Are you awake, Lo?”

He'd been awake for one hour and forty-six minutes now, spending most of that time sitting at the kitchen table, his hands wrapped around a cup of tea, his mind running a mental check over his body to ensure he had no injuries.

Logan desperately wanted to shower. Roman or Patton had wiped the black substance from his face as it had dripped from his nose or been coughed up. Neither of them knew what it was. Neither of them knew how to get it out of Logan's burning eyes. If only for comfort, Logan's glasses were on his face, and he continually found his hand twitching up to adjust them. It made no sense—the glasses currently served no purpose, why did he insist on wearing them?

Perhaps it was to feel normal. If so, it wasn't working. Missing his sight, Logan felt utterly helpless.

“Maybe some warm water?”

Logan would have rolled his eyes at Patton's tentative suggestion, were they not currently obstructed. Did they think he hadn't tried that? He'd spent the first twenty minutes of being awake in the bathroom, doing everything he could to see. The substance was stubborn, however . . . Logan could feel it moving. Had it been anyone else, they wouldn't have even noticed it, but Logan was known for recognizing micro-movements. It was sluggish, moving almost untrackably slowly, but definitely oozing its way to the forefront of his eyes. He estimated that after three hours of open eyes, it would begin to drip out.

He wondered if it would burn less then. He was barely able to bite down undignified whimpers as it was. Maybe the substance coming free would allow tears to escape his tear ducts.

“Does . . . does it hurt, Logan?”

He must not have hidden that last grimace as well as he thought he had. He somehow knew that Roman was staring at him intently, perhaps had been for hours.

“Of course it hurts, Roman, be sensible,” he snapped. It did hurt, quite a lot, but any unknown substance spontaneously entering one's eyes was bound to hurt greatly. It seemed, however, that Roman was not going to leave the matter alone.

“On a scale of—”

“I do not currently wish to discuss my pain.”

Silence.

“You made me discuss it.”

Logan sighed as loud as he possibly could. He wanted Roman to know precisely how exasperated he was.

“Seven-point-four-seven-nine-three, if you must know.”

He cringed at the sound of the breath Patton sucked in; the curse Roman murmured. Logan wanted neither of them to continue the discussion, so changed the subject with the first thing that popped into his head.

“Could either of you hear what the enchantment on the chains said?”

“No,” came Roman's immediate answer. Some shuffling of feet was to be heard. “I could guess on the last one, though.”

Before Logan had time to figure out what that meant, Patton spoke.

“I heard the third one,” Patton said softly, “I touched the chain when I grabbed your hands. I'm sorry.”

Logan wasn't sure what Patton was apologizing for—helping get rid of the chain after being told not to, or hearing the words that nearly undid him. He was embarrassed, to be honest. He had never deluded himself into believing that the other Sides truly loved him, but he'd foolishly hoped that they had sometimes enjoyed his company, or felt at ease with his presence.

As if his thoughts were being broadcast aloud, Patton interrupted them.

“Remember, the chains lied.”

Did they, though? Much of what Deceit created was fueled by belief. By believing the chains dissipated when a lie was disproved, they could have presented anything as a falsehood, regardless of fact or fiction. For all he knew, Deceit may not even be Deceit, he just appeared as such because they believed that of him! What if he wasn't Logic? What if Thomas didn't exist?? Did Thomas even exist?! What if—

“Specs, I need you to get out of your head right now.”

Logan gasped slightly as Roman's voice cut through the panic. He couldn't get out of his head, he couldn't see anything to distract himself with, and it didn't matter, because none of them were even—

“You look like you're freaking out. I need you to do those breathing exercises Virgil does.”

In for four, hold for seven, out for eight, his mind instantly supplied. It took several tries before he was able to follow the directions properly.

“Logan, we love you.”

Patton's words hurt, hurt so much it was almost physical.

“Not only do we love you, we like you.”

Oh.

No they didn't.

“I love hearing you talk about saving the planet,” Patton continued. “It makes me feel all warm inside. And you always care so much about all of us, you make us planners and schedules and everything!”

Logan felt his heart crack. It wouldn't do to break down in front of them. It would only annoy them, as well as ruin his reputation. He stood to leave, but Roman's voice gave him pause.

“I very much enjoy our arguments—er, discussions. I get excited to hear your comments on things, particularly things I make or enjoy. I—” his voice cracked, but Roman tried again, words thick with tears. “I love seeing that spark of life when we design and build things together. That—that light in your eyes, the excitement in your voice—I always feel so happy that I made you happy.” A wet laugh. “I would improvise some poetry, but I haven't exactly been my wonderful self lately.”

Logan simply . . . no, there was nothing simple about this. Logan, for some unknown reason, was not able to process what had just been said. The words would not compute. Perhaps from all the energy he was spending attempting to understand, Logan felt somewhat faint. He didn't realize he was swaying until a stabilizing arm wrapped around his back, then pulled him into a hug.

He melted into the touch, recognizing easily Patton's soft shirt and strong arms. The hug was . . . nice. One thought broke through the mist.

“Y-you like me?”

Patton sniffled close to his ear and pulled Logan closer. “Yes, Lo. We like you. We love spending time with you.

“You . . . like me.”

He was guided somewhere, that place revealed as the living room when Patton gently sat with him on the couch. Behind all the sleepy fuzzies and heartbreak and the screaming in his eyes, something itched. Weren't they supposed to be doing something?

One thought at a time, he supposed.

“You . . . you like me?”

Patton's chest stuttered against his head. “Of course. I like you. Roman likes you. V-Virgil likes you.”

“You l-like me.”

“Sleep, Prince-ipal. We truly love you.”

A little burst of happiness spread from his chest to his fingertips, doing something to help close the metaphorical gaping wounds on his metaphorical heart. Roman had never called him prince.

Pushing away all of the conflicting feelings and the burning pain, not to mention the ache to figure out what they weren't doing, what question they weren't answering, Logan snuggled closer to Patton and let his mind turn off.

-

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added/removed): @i-can-get-extra-with-my-ships @stop-it-anxiety @shitpost-sides @bl00scl00s @charakitcat @ainsleyf @sandersstuffsblog @ginnyfox617 @enragedbees @minty4green @eggy-boyo @escalatingtoofast @hayden-going-insane @piixelations @supersoftsupersleep @crowsmadreadful @hpdmmdundtl @thenewlarislynn @mooniecoockie @eden607 @sanderssidesweirdo @cali-the-dreamer @thedukeofdeodorant-main @hankaa-aaaa @atlasistryingherbest @arcticfrostdoesthings @awkward-and-artistic @wants-to-be-bad-but-is-soft @xionbean

[mahoushaymie]

I started a thing last year where I wanted to write a drabble-esque thing every day in the month of June and I failed miserably. But this year, I hope to at least get more than one thing done and this is the first of hopefully many OC drabbles~ (Also this was written on sick brain)

Characters featured: Kayla Kisaragi, Lilith Park, Hayden Morales, and Kaito the cat.

Lyrics are from Temporary Love by Ben Platt

Words: 1,003

(A tag for @starryfirefliesbloggo, my dude)

Kayla

“I’ll do what I can to make you see that this is not a temporary love”

Lilith was thinking hard about something, her bottom lip nestled between her teeth in a way that almost looked painful. I waved a hand in front of her face and smiled when her eyes refocused and she looked at me. Unlike all the other times she looked at me, however, there was no light in her eyes. She only seemed to grow more worried at the sight of me, and I felt my heart drop when she got up from the table and left without a word, her footsteps heavy on the stairs.

Did I do something wrong? I tried to think back on anything that I could have done that would make her angry, but I was drawing a blank. I had been gone for work most of the month, spending most of my time either in Japan or at conventions. I talked to her and Hayden on the phone at least once a week. I would have thought she'd be ecstatic to see me. Even though she didn’t seem like the type, she was actually a very loving person once you chipped through her hard shell. I frowned, wondering what was wrong with her. I wished I was able to read her mind. It would make things so much easier, but it would also make her angrier. She hated when I used my powers for selfish reasons.

“I didn’t know you were home.” I snapped out of my thoughts as a gentle kiss was planted to the top of my head. I looked up at my boyfriend and smiled at him. I didn’t know he was already done streaming. I was hoping to get a chance to go get a surprise or something. Hayden’s gaze fell onto Lilith’s abandoned laptop, and his smile quickly faded into a frown. “Where’s Lil? She was in chat until a little bit ago. Normally she tells me when she has to go somewhere...”

“She seemed bothered by something,” I frowned, remembering the deep crease in her brow. I wish I could have kissed it away. I wish she still wasn’t so afraid to talk about when things were bothering her. She was so used to dealing with everything on her own... Hayden was the exact same way. For most of my life, I’ve had Satoshi to go to for help, but Hayden didn’t have anyone since he had to be strong for his sisters. And Lilith had nobody. Her parents couldn’t care less about her feelings. All they had ever cared about was having a perfect kid with perfect grades that they could boss around. God, I hated them.

...But this wasn’t about them. This was about Lilith. Something was bothering her, and I wanted to get to the bottom of it as soon as I possibly could. If I didn’t confront her about this now, she’d try to act like nothing was wrong. I stood up from my seat and ran upstairs. The door to Lilith’s room was slightly ajar, and I could see her sitting on the bed, holding Kaito with tears in her eyes. To my surprise, my cat was letting her hold him. Normally he would have scratched and bit until he was let down.

Lilith turned away from me as I walked into the room, followed closely by Hayden. I hadn’t even noticed him following me. Kaito’s tail flicked back and forth as he looked between Lilith and I, his orange eyes blinking slowly. I cleared my throat and started rocking on my feet awkwardly. How do I approach this? I hadn’t come up with a plan before rushing upstairs. I looked at Hayden for help, but he looked just as lost as I did.

“Are you tired of me?” Lilith broke the awkward silence, but she was still facing away from us. I shook my head even though she couldn’t see me. How on earth could she even think that? I’ve been a bit distant (physically, at least), but I don’t think I’ve been acting any differently towards her during our weekly calls. Should I have called more often? Should we have done video calls instead?

“What do you mean, Lilith?”

“Mom and Dad always told me nobody would love me,” she whispered, her shoulders trembling. My eyes widened as sobs tore through her throat, loudly and painfully. “I-I told them it wasn’t true. I said that this time, it would be different. But then you started leaving the country for weeks at a time and Hayden started leaving too, and I just... Am I so terrible that you can’t even stand being near me anymore?”

“Lil...” Hayden rubbed the back of his neck nervously, a frown on his face. “We haven’t been avoiding you, Lilith. We’ve just been busy.”

“How could you think we don’t love you anymore?” My voice came out harsher than intended, and I sighed as Lilith flinched. My anger was aimed at her parents, her idiotic parents. How could they say those things to her, to their own daughter? The point of being a parent was to love and nurture your child, not scream at them to be absolutely perfect and treat them like trash. I took a few deep breaths and softened my tone. “Lilith, we love you more than anything in the world. You’re our girlfriend. Things have just been crazy lately...”

“You’re going to get bored of me eventually. I’m not pretty or quirky or even remotely interesting. There’s so many models or actors you could date. I don’t know what you see in me-”

Hayden had crossed the room in a few quick steps and pulled Lilith into a hug, effectively cutting her off. She sobbed into his shoulder, her entire body trembling. I shook my head furiously and pushed away my anger towards her parents. That wasn’t what she needed right now. She needed to know that we love her and that we’re not going anywhere. I joined in on the hug and started smoothing down Lilith’s tangled hair. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure she never feels like this again.

“Now your heart is in my hands, I won’t give it up”

[slothgiirl]

blinding part 3 (a theo raeken story)

mariella gallagher, lydia’s younger cousin, has always had a soft spot for theo raeken, and now that they’ve brought him back to help, she can’t seem to help herself when it comes to him. it also doesn’t help that she’s slowly losing her grip on whatever powers she has as an empath. 

ao3 // part 1 // part 2  // part 4 // part 5

My eyes closed and I felt the pain of scalpels slicing into my chest, over and over until the times bled together, until the pain bled together. Pins holding my flesh open as I struggled to heal around it.

Bones breaking as I tried to transform into a wolf. Endlessly breaking until the pain was so internalized it became bearable, manageable, a welcome hello into my second skin.

Tara’s hand reaching into my chest and pulling my heart out.

Tara’s hand reaching into my chest-

Tara’s hand reaching-

Tara.

I wanted to scream but no sound came out. I wanted to cry but no tears came.

Blood in my mouth. Blood on my hands.

So much mercury on so many different faces.

The pain receded, boiled down into anger.

*

“El, you’ve got to wake up” Theo murmured, “El, if you don’t wake up they’re going to think I hurt you. They only just let me out.”

Theo’s face came into view as my eyes fluttered open, blood still covering his mouth. His hand brushed my hair back, out of my eyes, as I laid on his lap.

“Are you alright,” I whispered, my head feeling silent for the first time in years. I couldn’t feel anything. Radio silence, as my head rested on Theo, a far more comfortable pillow than all my aunts decorative ones.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that,” he said, raising an eyebrow, before he broke into a coughing fit, more blood welling up in his mouth. “I’ll be fine. I heal.”

The rest of them finally ran in, too late to do anything, I thought bitterly. More preoccupied with the corpse of the ghost rider than us.

Hayden ran over, pulling me out and away from him, supporting most of my weight, my legs unsteady under him.

I had been Theo, seen everything through his eyes, felt everything he’d associated with pain over the years and it had knocked me out. Scars and wounds running so deep I don’t even think he noticed anymore. The pain having become as much a part of him as Tara’s heart.

What did you do,” Hayden yelled at him.

“It was Mr. Douglas,” Theo and I both said.

“He ate his brain,” Theo shuddered.

I tried to calm Hayden, make her feel the same odd calm after the storm I was, but as I brushed her arm all I felt was her love and worry for her sister all tangled up, a rock threatening to drown her the longer she stayed in place, stayed in Beacon Hills.

I pulled my hand back, pulling away from Hayden, cradling my hands to my chest. It had just gotten more complicated. I needed to talk with Morell if she was still here. If the ghost riders hadn’t gotten to her yet.

Liam looks over at me, “is it true?”

“Yes,” I confirm.

���It wasn’t his brain,” Scott said, looking over at the body, “Mr. Douglas ate his pineal gland.”

No. Not Mr. Douglas.  

Theo had called him something else but I couldn’t think of what. Screw him and his habit of playing his cards close to his chest.

“Mason,” I say, as I run my hand over the wall, seeing and feeling too much. The dread doctors coming and going, conducting their experiments over the years. The details are hazy, but I can feel their constant disappointment, the moments of glee.

“Yeah,” he says looking over at me.

“Is it possible to tape into an object? Into the lingering emotions and memories around it?” I pull my hands in close to me, careful not to touch anything around me, afraid that I might, afraid of what I might feel or see.

“I might have seen that in a movie,” Mason admits, “and this is the supernatural we’re talking about so I don’t see why not. Why?”

“No reason.”

“You’re doing it right now aren’t you,” he says, mind already firing off into theories. “That’s so interesting, I mean not for you but it just raises more questions as to what you are and what you could do. Track someone based on a favorite sweater?”

“Mason,” I snap, not wanting to think about what this means. About how I didn’t even know what I was. Lydia had got over all the notes she’d found while looking for what Parrish is, over the Argent’s bestiary with no results.

“Sorry.”

“Guys,” Liam calls out, “his whips missing.”

“Oh god,” Hayden mutters.

Scott looks over at me, “could you?”

I shake my head vigorously, “you don’t know how awful it felt and I don’t even know how it works.” My hands remain clutched to my chest.

“It’s okays,” Hayden says soothingly, careful not to come too close.

Theo rolls his eyes, “Just get her some gloves.”

“Shut up,” Hayden snaps.

“No,” Liam says, “that might actually work.”

“Can we just get out of here and regroup,” I tell Scott. He is after all the alpha, and what he decides goes, even when it’s usually someone else plan that he’s just approving off. But when Scott does make a plan, its not half bad.

I guess a couple years of dealing with everything that goes on in Beacon Hills will do that to you.

“Yeah,” he nods, “there’s nothing more to do here.”

*

The walk back to the cars is shorter and anticlimactic compared to the walk to the transformer. Scott hangs back, talking to Liam and occasionally throwing glances at Theo who is now reshackled.

And now Corey was missing which had freaked us all out. Mason especially, “but we’ll get him back,” Liam tells Mason again, “we’ll get them all back.” Say it enough times and it make it true.

Scott had defeated others that had seemed impossible to take down before, why wouldn’t he do it again?

The leaves crunched up under my dirt covered shoes as I slid into Kira’s car. “Are you okay,” she asked, her hand freezing before she touched me, hovering in midair for a second before she placed it on the wheel.

“Yeah,” I tell her, not feeling even close to fine. This had never happened before and I didn’t know what to do. Was I going to be like Rouge from x-men? Unable to touch anything? God, that would suck.

“I can hear when you’re lying,” Kira smiled, doing her best to smother her giggles.

“You could pretend not to,” I reply, arching my eyebrow, “stupid supernatural senses.”

“Hey,” she protests, “you’ve made me stress out over a test I didn’t even have before! Remember?”

I groan, covering my face with my hand, “don’t remind me. I didn’t mean to.”

“I know,” she says, giggling this time, the setting sun catching on her shiny dark hair which she has somehow figured out how to style.

Frizzy hair was the worst because no matter what I do to it, it just looks messy.

I laugh, shaking my head, “I did get an eighty six percent on the test though so clearly it worked.”

“You’re going to need an A to get into the pack’s school of choices.”

“What Miss Berkeley,” I ask, “Stanford, Berkeley, or Davis?”

“Pretty much, I mean if Scott saved his grades then Liam probably can,” she smiles as she drives, pulling into my neighborhood, “I’ll be able to visit Lydia and my parents on the weekends. It’s perfect. And there’s a Shinto priestess working at one of the museum’s in San Fransisco that’s going to help me work on control.”

“Well see you,” I tell her pulling my sleeve down so I don’t have to touch the handle to open it.”

Kira stops me, “wait, Mari.”

“Yeah.”

“Be careful with Theo.”

My heart skips a beat. “What are you talking about,” I ask her carefully, playing it off.

She rolls her eyes, “You know what I mean.”

*

Lydia wakes me up by throwing a pair of gloves at my face. I yelp, “Hey, what are you-,”

She cuts me off, direct and polished as always, an arrow sinking into the bullseye, “We’re meeting the others at the Sheriff’s office. Stiles was his son, so even with no Stiles he wants to help us which is good seeing as we’re probably the only ones who can help. Mason texted me about you needing gloves,” she paused for effect, lips pursed, “why?”

I rub the sleep from my eyes, getting out of bed reluctantly, “it’s gotten. . .complicated.” Looking for the first pair of jeans I find on my chair of clothes I pull them on, looking for a top and sweater.

“Explain.” My cousin takes a seat on my bed, but only after smoothing out her area.

“I don’t know, I’m pulling emotions and . . .I guess memories linked to those emotions from things,” I tell her, putting back the pink t shirt and opting for the ratty one I’d thrifted that I had to wear a bra with or I’d flash someone, but it was so soft. “From anything I touch and I can’t control it and I can’t block it out.”

I took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down.

“Since when,” she asked.

The gloves went on last, the nicest part of my outfit, their checkered red print and warm brown leather soft against my skin. I could still feel the tingly joy from the last person that had worn them, but no memories.

“I don’t know,” I shrug, not feeling like sharing Theo’s memories. They were too private, too personal. I doubted he’d want any of it getting around. I wasn’t even sure he knew what I’d done, what I had seen. “Sometime after trying to communicate with the ghost riders.” I didn’t even know how to begin to explain all my messed up complicated feelings about Theo.

Lydia nods, “the gloves are mine but I haven’t worn them since before freshman year so they should be fine.”

“Guess I’ll just spend the rest of my life wearing gloves,” I say bitterly.

“We’ll figure this out,” she says softly, wapping an arm around me, drawing me into a hug. “I mean look how long it took to figure out what Parrish was. Or hell, how long it took me to figure out just what I could really do apart from finding dead bodies.”

“But for now gloves,” I said dejectedly, already missing being able to actually touch things with my hands.

“We can go see Morell after this is all over.”

*

“You’re going to bite Stiles,” Lydia said almost as soon as she saw Scott, standing while the rest of the pack sat around in the station. The sheriff was there as well, standing to one side and looking like he’d rather be anywhere then here.

But it was Lydia and she had always been able to talk to people until they saw things her way, or else she figured out how to go around them.

“I’m going to bite Stiles,” Scott said, his desperation make him look years older than he was. He was in the senior year, his college applications were in, he should just be worried about hearing back from colleges not this. “To get him through the rift.”

“This is the only way.” He led us both over to the table where Liam and Malia had drawn out the plan.  Hayden and Mason sat on a bench, Mason still looking as lost as he had last night when we couldn’t find Corey. When they had taken Corey. Eyes red from having spent the night crying.

“Just to clarify,” Peter Hale, very much alive and escaped from Eichen house where he’d been left to rot after stabbing us all in the back at every chance he’d gotten since ripping his niece’s throat out, “are you planning on biting everyone in the train station?”

“With Stiles back he’ll be able to help us figure out a plan,” Scott explained, which didn’t sound much like a plan at all.

I went to sit down next to Hayden and Mason, itching to know where they had stuffed Theo today.

“He’s good at that,” Malia added.

Kira sighed, “why did we bother inviting Peter if he’s not going to help.”

Peter grinned, teeth sharp. “So the plan is to get Stiles to come up with a plan,” he said mockingly.

“You can shut up now,” his daughter bit out, probably regretting asking her father for help right about now.

“Malia, look around. We’re the only ones left in Beacon Hills. If they take us, Lydia will be the only one left to haunt the place.”

Malia growled, eyes glowing as her claws slid out. Lydia only rolled her eyes, unhappy about giving Peter any sort of attention.

“That’s why I’m the only person that’s going in,” Scott said, happy to take all of the risk to keep us all safe. Liam and Hayden will stay here with Mason and Mariella. As long as somebody is left in Beacon Hills, the wild hunt can’t move on.”

“I like your plan Scott, I really do,” Peter continued, ready as always to act as affably as he could to get his way. We were all just pieces for Peter to play of on. “-especially the part about turning Stiles. But it can’t work,” he said more dramatically then was  necessary.

“How do you know,” Malia said, playing right into him, because no matter what she might know, he was still her dad and she still hoped he might change one day.

“Logic. Life experience. What are the odds that he’ll get taken? What if Stiles sin’t there? What if there’s no Beacon Hills for you to come back to?” He was on a roll and ready to monologue.

“You got a better idea,” Liam asked, just daring Peter to fight him.

“Yeah. It’s called run like hell. So leave in five?”

We all rolled our eyes. We were all in this pack. And we weren’t leaving anyone behind.

“You promised you’d help us,” Malia reminds him, her eyes ernest as she turns to him. “We still need to find the rift.”

“I didn’t promise I’d help you commit suicide.”

Sighing Scott cuts them off, “if you can’t help, we can find it ourselves.”

“Scott, I admit that you have a flair for beating the odds. But this,” he said pausing for drama, “You don’t walk away from. You run.” And just like that he turned heel to save his own skin.

I wanted to comfort Malia, who was still looking at the door, having expected more from Peter, but she would probably take my sympathy as pity and hate it. Sometimes it was kinder to pretend not to see.

“Stay here, and be careful,” Lydia told me.

“Yes, mom,” I said rolling my eyes, having gotten over my lack of a mother years ago. I’d accepted that I would never know the woman who’d given birth to me.

*

Kira left her sword with Liam just in case Theo tried anything. Like we didn’t have enough to worry about already with the wild hunt. I couldn’t take them seriously when we called them ghost riders, I just couldn’t.

It was the stupid dread doctors all over again.

And that basically left him in charge by default. In charge while the adults handled everything. Sorry, I meant slightly older teens.

“-So we should stay here. Is that what you’re thinking,” Haden asked Liam, Mason quiet for once. Both Liam and Scott had their human best friend who actually came up with the plans and now they were both down.

We all turn to Liam.

“It doesn’t matter where we are. We still need to figure out how to fight them.”

“No one can fight them,” Hayden replies,  looking down at her hands. All that power and she was still powerless.

“Douglas can,” Theo said interrupting us all. Owning every bit of being behind bars, looking less imprisoned than merely about to offer us all some awful deal like fairies did in fairy tales, the ones that always led to death and destruction, like he still had any power here.

“Does he have to stay in there,” I ask Liam, forcing myself not to look at Theo. I couldn’t, not after last night. It still felt too raw. My arms wrapped around my sides. I could feel the fear and pain, the phantom sting of flesh being sliced open.

Again.

And again.

“He’s still Theo,” Hayden says,  glancing at me like I’ve grown a second head.

“Theo saved Scott remember. And El,” he says glancing at me, taking in the sight of my gloved hands.

I shove them in my pockets, suddenly self conscious of my inability to even touch things. “I’d hardly call that saving,” I respond, meeting his smug gaze, “if you’d just have stepped into the mountain ash barrier like I did, he’d never have gotten in.” He wouldn’t have hurt you.

“Who was it that broke the barrier again,” his eyes burning, lips twitching into a smirk knowingly. Useless. I’m the empath and yet he’s the one who can see right through me.

I open my mouth to respond again but Mason shakes his head, bumping my leg in small comfort, before talking to Hayden, “he can still hear you.”

“Then he can hear me say he needs to shut up,” Hayden says, turning to glare at Theo, “so we can figure out how to fight the ghost riders.”

Wisely, I don’t mention how both she and Corey were at one point doing Theo’s bidding. It was still a sore spot for Liam and Mason both, especially between them since Liam defended Hayden but not Corey in the days after to the pack.  

“You don’t need to figure it out.”

“-because Douglas already did,” Liam finishes.

“If he knew how to fight them, he might know everything about them,” Hayden says, determination setting in.

“And guess who knows all about Mr. Douglas,” Theo says, smiling smugly as he pulls away from the bars to go sit down. He’d played us, given us just enough information to follow. A trail of breadcrumbs leading to the witch’s cottage.

It’s impressive, I have to admit, biting my lip so I don’t smile as everyone groans.

“Here we go again,” Liam groans.

“Let’s hear him out,” Mason says, standing up to go ask Theo what he wants now, “you’ve got Kira’s sword just in case.”

“And he’s in a cell,” I say, following after Mason as I fiddle with my hands, still unused to the feeling of leather between me and the world.  

Hayden trails reluctantly behind Liam as we crowd around the holding cell, Theo sitting and looking more self satisfied than he should after everything. It just makes me want to laugh again.

“What do you want,” Liam finally asks.

For once he doesn’t smirk, doesn’t look up, expression solemn as he utters, “Break Kira’s sword and I’ll tell you everything I know about Mr. Douglas.” A practiced calculated look, the last push to make you willingly step into a trap.

He’s good, calm as ever without even a trace of panic and desperation that I was sure he must be feeling at finally getting rid of Kira’s sword. Save from the possibility of being ripped open by Tara.

Being haunted by the dead sister he killed.

I shudder, looking up.

Liam looks over at Mason who responds, “That’s never going to happen. We’re not making that deal.”

“I hold all the cards.”

Mason scoffs, “You’re locked in a jail cell. You have no cards.”

“And yet who’s cell are we crowded around,” I mutter.

“Who’s side are you on,” Hayden snaps, eyes narrowing.

“Just pointing out the obvious.”

“You want me to tell you about Douglas,” Theo states like he hadn’t planted the entire idea of Mr. Douglas in our heads not five minutes ago.

“Break the sword,” he says, finally looking up, self satisfaction evident.

Mason looks back at Liam, “Does anyone else want to do the negotiating? Liam? Mariella?”

“Yeah Mari,” Hayden mocks. Theo had sent her after Tracy under the guise of keeping Tracy from clawing anyone’s face out in public but she had soon learned he didn’t care about collateral damage, he just didn’t want that collateral damage to be Mari. “Why don’t you?”

I roll my eyes.

“Break the sword,” Theo Reaken repeats, having turned the tables on us.

Liam sighs, his emotions turbulent, fear and desperation stained with the clammy grip of uncertainty. He was going to do it. And he was already regretting it.

Theo must have sensed Liam had been swayed because he reiterated, “you break, I talk.” Anticipation grew hot under his skin.

The first break I’d seen from him.

“Come on guys,” he continued, coming back up to the bars, dealing sole with Liam now, “look, I don’t want to be in anyone’s pack. I don’t want anyone’s power. I just want to stay alive.” His confession was accompanied by an ernest look to his features, voice soft. It was a practiced vulnerability from someone who hated to be vulnerable in front of anyone.

“Mariella,” Mason asks, turning all eyes towards me.

Guess I was making the final call on this. “I don’t know,” I admit. Usually there was something in a person’s emotions, an artificial quality when they were lying if not the outright wrong emotion.

But this was Theo and he hadn’t wavered from his calm demeanor once. I had overlooked everything before, but not this time.

He had put my cousin in the horror that was Eichen house because of course Beacon Hills had a psychiatric facility populated by mad doctors hell bent on hurting the very patients they were meant to help. “I can’t tell,” I finally admitted.

“How do we know if we let you out you won’t run,” asks Hayden, knowing its inevitable now that Liam’s decided that Theo will get what he wants.

Wisely, I didn’t mention that Kira could put her sword back together. It took time and effort, but it could be done.

“Cause we’re not letting him out,” Liam says gravely, the weight that Scott always carries baring down on him, the weight of all the choices and their consequences. “He’s going to tell us from in here.”

“I’m still going to need some incentive,” Theo states, expression devoid of any emotion he had played at just moments ago.

Liam turns around, hands on the handle and blade just like Kira had shown him. She had meant it at the time to be used, not broken, teaching Liam what he needed to be in charge of her sword while she searched for the passage way.

The sword breaks with a sickening crack, before falling into symmetrical pieces on the floor. Their glow denoting their imbued mystic powers fading before my eyes until the fragments were nothing more than ordinary steel.

“He’s a lowenmensch.”

@josie605

[officialthiamlibrary]

Hope everyone who celebrated the holidays enjoyed them! If you haven’t already, you can keep the celebration spirit alive with this ultimate collection of Thiam Holiday Fluff (and Angst). Thank you to all the writers and artists who brought the holiday bug to our favorite pair! Kudos and comments would be a perfect gift. 🎁 

Merry (Late) Holidays, Thiam Pack! We Love You!

🌲 Stay With Me by 18-sweet-poisoned-heart

Liam though wasn’t that bothered with the idea of spending the Christmas with the pack, with the people that cared about him and he cared about them too, his second family. He knew that this Christmas would’ve been boring, spending it alone, with his stepdad on his shift at the hospital and his mother on a cruise in Caribbean with her best friends.

🌲 Last Christmas by Tabbytabbytabby [5.4K | E]

Last Christmas Hayden broke Liam’s heart. It took awhile but eventually Liam moved on, giving his heart to someone more deserving.

🌲  Coffee and Dates by stilesxlydiaxderek [810 | G]

Theo owns a coffee shop. Liam is his costumer. Malia is fed up with them.

🌲 Don We Now Our Gay Apparel by thinkingoftheo

Merry Christmas! I hope you like it. There’s not much plot, just fluff (well, mostly just cheesiness actually). What I was going for was domestic fluffy Thiam participating in cliche Christmas activities, and also Liam introducing Theo to his parents. Enjoy.

🌲  Cute Christmas Elf by stilesxlydiaxderek [560 | NR]

“So what you’re saying is that you need to borrow my boyfriend’s sister so you can hit on some guy.”

🌲  25 Days of Thiam Christmas by SupernaturalIdijit16 [56k | T]

Multi-chapter Thiam fic leading up to Christmas. When Liam learns that Theo hasn’t done nearly any of the classic winter activities that one does leading up to Christmas day, he takes it upon himself to make sure Theo experiences every single one of them. Liam and Theo going through cold winter days together leading up to Christmas. Basically Liam wants to make sure Theo has the best Christmas Ever.

🌲 Revelation by Underthegallows [3k | T]

- You know, for someone not taking a nap, you sure look like you are taking a nap.

Theo’s voice is almost inaudible, a low whisper that sounds like a secret.

- Shut up. The chimera chuckles next to him, and Liam has to keep himself from smiling.

🌲  A Thiam New Years by kitcat3758 [2.4k | T]

Theo moves into the Greyer’s house in time for the holidays only for Liam’s parents to go on vacation leaving the boys home alone for winter break. Liam learns that werewolves can get drunk, and Theo helps make this dream become a reality for the whole pack on NYE.

🌲  (Peppermint) Mocha Chocolata Ya Ya by Ithinkwehaveanemergency [2.9K | T]

Theo likes the taste of Liam’s chapstick. Liam’s okay with that.

Or, absolutely awful fluff that took me an obscene amount of time to write for how short it is.

Merry Christmas, Thiam Pack!

🌲  Baby, it’s Christmas by tabbytabbytabby [2.8K | T]

Theo goes with Derek to New York to meet with another pack. All flights get grounded so they fear they won’t make it home by Christmas. They borrow a truck and drive back to Beacon Hills through a snowstorm ensuring they get home to their families by Christmas.

🌲 Faculty Christmas Party by lamesassthiam [T | 10k}

Theo Raeken and Liam Dunbar are two reputable high school teachers in New York. Having known each other for years, they often fight and it can get quite out of hand. Except Liam is feeling a little bit less friendly towards Theo and a little bit more fuck me. Unbeknownst to Liam, Theo is feeling the same way. With the help of some nosy students, fellow teachers, and the promise of a faculty Christmas party at night, there might just be hope for these two dense idiots.

🌲  New Memories by invisible_slytherin [G | 3.4k]

“I’m going to make you like Christmas.”

Or, the one where Theo doesn’t remember how Christmas was before everything that went down in his life and Liam makes it his job to help Theo create new memories.

🌲 No Ordinary Love (Thiam Christmas Special) by fuckthiam [ 3k| NR]

The lights from the gift store started to flicker when Theo entered the door and a loud buzz was heard to announce a new customer. It was the day before Christmas and for the first time in years it was snowing during the Christmas holidays. Theo wanted to leave the store as soon as he entered it, but instead dragged himself to a shelf full of snow globes. It was silent in the gift store apart from the squeaky noises that Theo’s wet boots were making on the floor. Theo took off his beanie and patted some of the snow from his coat.

“A bit late for buying Christmas present, don’t you think?”

🌲 Chimera’s First Christmas - A Thiam Secret Santa Fic by thiamislife_thiamislove [6.2K | NR]

It’s a Thiam Secret Santa fic for @Lizzielizzie12 !!!

It’s Theo and Liam’s first Christmas together, and Liam wants it to be absolutely perfect! However, Theo is making that a bit more of a challenge than Liam expected.

Merry Christmas!

🌲 Christmas With You by tabbytabbytabby [6.9K | T]

Secret Santa Fic for Skam-Witness:

Liam loves Christmas and drags Theo into everything. Theo can’t help but hope it’s because Liam wants him to have his first real Christmas in a long time. Turns out Liam really does just love Christmas, but maybe he loves Theo too.

Merry Christmas!

🌲 Triad Anniversary by Mskristinamay [1.3k | NR]

Liam, Theo, and Brett are a triad wolf pairing. Christmas day is their anniversary and just so much fluff.

🌲 Thiam Christmas Imagines by fuckthiam

Imagine Theo and Liam trying to put up Christmas lights but they end up just making a really big tangled mess and they leave it on the floor because they think it looks festive enough.

Imagine Liam rolling down the stairs covered in wrapping paper, screaming “I’M YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT” at Theo. Theo catches him before he gets seriously injured and carries him around in a wrapping paper bundle for the rest of the day.

🌲 No one should be alone at Christmas by slayerwithredhair

The food was wonderful and no one started a fight, which given the company of a bitter heartbroken aunt, two troublesome toddlers and an evil murderous chimera, Liam considered it a win.

🌲 Day Five - Decorating by thiamdrabbles

“I told you to get a stepladder, dammit! You’re going to kill yourself.”

Theo rolled his eyes and stretched a little farther to try and reach the spot he was aiming for. “Will you calm down?” he demanded. “I’ll be fine. I’m not even that high up.”

🌲 You Deserves This by forevermissingteenwolf

The pack is back in Beacon Hills. Everyone is at Liam’s house for secret Santa.

Theo gets an unexpected gift from an unexpected person.

🌲 Versace On the Floor by DaSmiley99 [2.6K | E]

Request from Tumblr: Theo never had a Christmas before and Liam wants to spend Christmas with him and after he begs they spend it together!

🌲 Mistletoe Kisses by RebelWithHeartofGold

Liam wants Theo to have a great christmas

🌲 Little Do You Know by Mondgloeckchen [2.5k | G]

Theo and Liam used to be friends but somehow it wasn’t meant to be. When Theo starts coming closer and finally ends up confronting Liam on a party it suddenly made sense.

🌲 Peppermint by ExtraSteps [2.4K | E]

Liam discovers that Theo really, really likes peppermint candy canes.

🌲 To be Loved by Blaxis [1.3K | G]

He feels loved. Theo pulls his lover into a hug and seals their lips. There was a lot that could be said, but words could not suffice and Theo prefers mystery when it comes to emotions.

“Theo,” –Liam’s favorite word, feather-like on his tongue and honey-sweet.

🌲 Burned Sugar by narniaismymaze [638 |NR]

Theo and Liam are making a gingerbread house… it doesn’t go well

🌲 Threadbare by ExtraSteps [2.6K | NR]

Liam has been pining for Theo for a long time now. For Christmas, he decides to make something for Theo that shows how much he cares.

🌲 Finesse by DaSmiley99 [2.4k | E]

Well, fuck.

He never thought he would see Theo in a suit at Lydia’s Christmas party.

The banshee proposed to host a party at her place and they had to dress up properly for the occasion. Yeah, she obligated everyone to wear their best suits and dresses.

What a bummer.

When Mason brought him and Corey to the party, Liam was surprised to see that everyone followed Lydia’s obligations.

Then Theo, that fucker, arrived in a suit. It knocked the air out of Liam’s lungs. He nearly choked on his spit, his throat getting dry at the sight in front of him.

Theo straight up looked like a Sex God.

🌲 Perfect Timing by ExtraSteps [2k | T]

Liam gets Theo in the pack’s Secret Santa and has the perfect present in mind.

🌲 Countdown Kiss by Lizzielizzie12

🌲 Put Your Arms Around Me and I’m Home by tabbytabbytabby [G | 2.4K]

When the pack decide to spend Christmas at a cabin in Tennessee Theo and Liam are forced to share a bed.

🌲 Christmas Headcanons for Thiam by formerprincess

Liam loves giving his friends presents and he is insanely happy when he can hand out presents on Christmas

The thing is: Liam’s presents are always kind of…tacky or odd

We hope your day (and the rest of your break) is Thiam filled and lovely. As always, reply with links if we’ve missed a story!!

-Mods Lizzie + Minna!

[maraschinocheri]

Best of 2017 Countdown #1 :: Him, brought home. [ 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 ]

What could I possibly say that I haven’t said already, and multiple times? Maybe this: that Killian Donnelly’s return to Les Miserables to play Jean Valjean six years and a day after he took his last bows as Enjolras seemed like an only half-possible dream, one I imagined might come true in another five years if we were lucky, but then just—did, here and now.

Investment can be defined as an act of devoting time, effort, talent, or emotional energy to a particular undertaking with the expectation of a worthwhile result. To say that Killian is invested in Les Mis, and vice versa, would be a colossal understatement, but let’s go with it anyway. In an ideal world, an actor retains more than just respectful memory of a good first professional job, especially if said actor has walked into that job through the side door, utterly without training beyond amateur dramatics, but with one hell of a rich voice, a rough presence, and enough self-deprecatory cheer to knock over jaded producers. That Killian takes every chance possible to credit Les Mis for everything it’s given him since all the way back in 2008—for the education and experience and friendships and the rounding off of his many physical and vocal edges as he progressed from Swing to Enjolras in 2010/2011—is a testament to his love for the show, and good god, does it ever love him back. If I remember correctly, the only male roles he’s not played in the show are Marius and Thenardier, and he’s found something to bring to every other.

Still, Valjean is no bone-throw of a gift to an actor, even one so deeply part of the Les Mis family. It is an investment in an actor and his gifts both as actor and as man, a mutual commitment between show and actor to carry this monster on that actor’s shoulders and back, sometimes somewhat literally. He may have been surprised by the call to audition for Valjean—I say may because I don’t entirely believe that, whatever enthusiastic bright-eyed and bubbling noises he’s made to that effect in interviews—but he should not have been. No one in a position to influence or be influenced could have missed the trajectory Killian had taken over the last few years, and the timing was good for both the show and Killian himself. The trust implied in allowing Killian to step in with what was essentially fewer than ten good days of rehearsal after he’d left New York speaks volumes; it means a great deal more than just thinking he’d remember how to deal with the revolve.

So, the casting. After an early spring of going over and over it again in my head and weighing several things that had happened around and with Killian in NYC over the weeks before and one offhand conversation, I woke up on Thursday 27 April thinking this is it, this has to be it; if it’s going to happen, make it today. Baz Bamigboye of the Daily Mail typically releases casting news and/or gossip on Twitter late on Thursday nights in the UK/early Thursday evenings in the US, so I had one screen open with that while another showed something that … might have been work, if I hadn’t been so distracted. Then the news came, and it’s rather pointless for me to even pretend I didn’t tear up and feel that old fanfic trope, that release of breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. (There was also some light screaming.) The rehearsal period was going to be so short and brutal, and Killian would be coming straight off an (albeit joyously, finally) emotional run in Kinky Boots on Broadway, but it would be so worth it.

The West End Live performance was a ride. Killian’s Bring Him Home had me rather nervous, and I didn’t love every choice he made, but One Day More was perfection—it was so wonderful to hear Valjean carry the song, and to hear that glorious voice ring out every single One day more! through the crashing wildness at the end of it. I knew at that point that all would be well, that even so soon into the run he’d found something to act as foundation and that he’d continue to grow in the role—and he has. The photo above of him onstage in Trafalgar Square, alone, looking out into the crowd that day made my cold, blackened heart fill with warmth and an absolutely ridiculous, unearned pride that hasn’t abated yet.

Is Killian’s Valjean perfect? No; this year’s resident direction has rushed the production to a point where emotional impact suffers, costing Killian in terms of getting some of Valjean’s truly strong moments across; and he’s occasionally still just as baffled by the end of Who Am I? as he was when he was covering the role. Is his Valjean truly his own? For the most part; there is little to point to in his take that one can say ‘belongs’ to other Valjeans, certainly not to the ones with whom he worked from 08–11. Is it worth the time and effort and the emotional energy—the investment of the show and of Killian himself? Indisputably.

No matter how many words I throw at this screen, I can’t put across how much it is. That beautiful clear bell of a voice that both carried the most gorgeous version of Bring Him Home I’ve ever heard is not what you hear now; it has matured, obviously, as has Killian. But the years between then and now have not harmed much, and in terms of acting, he can go to the most haunted (and hunted) places now, in ways that never rang completely true before, and as I suspected would happen, in the one-on-one scenes, everything he’s learned over the past few years—most especially in Memphis—has made him an incredibly generous actor, tender and careful in one moment, and challenging and thrillingly baton-passing in the next.

(And given that it is me writing this, a moment in the shallow end of the pool: he looks fucking incredible from Monsieur Madeleine until the finale; it’s as if costumes and makeup and wigs have been waiting for this Valjean their whole lives. I confess to making terribly obscene noises at the first appearance of M. Madeleine in Jeremy Secomb’s scarecam video, and the production photography had me half off my chair. No one is surprised, either by that admission or that I gave that photo precedence above.)

Killian has said that when covering Valjean, the show seemed to fly by in an emotional and physical rush; I imagine both that he’s learned the pacing now but still gets caught up in it, and that while he’s not entirely comfortable in the role of Show Dad the way some Valjeans have been, his leadership is in place and his love and respect for his castmates is genuine. He offers advice when asked (and is down for the Yoda comparison) and strongly encourages the work of the Swings and ensemble. For the beginning of the run, Killian was able to share the stage with his very good mate Jeremy Secomb—a nice way to get his feet back under him again, especially with such a compacted rehearsal time, and a few months they both deeply appreciated. His relationship with Hayden Tee is obviously different, but still massively good fun. Both Javerts have challenged and welcomed and worked with him so well.

And come 22 January, everything levels up another notch and possibly to infinity with the return of David Thaxton as Javert. This was my greatest wish for Killian-as-Valjean: to have this remarkable foil in Thaxton, to allow their intense rapport to translate to these two roles. (For the sake of everyone’s sanity, I’ve redacted a short essay on the loss of their potential Enjolras & Grantaire double-act, which never properly materialized after Killian chose not to accept the role of Grantaire in 2009.) I’d hoped for it for a very long time, knowing that that the possibility required Killian to mature on several levels and Thaxton to not grow bored or bitter. Having talked about the possibilities involved there quite a lot before, I won’t go further into them now (though I certainly could, given Killian’s take on Valjean as it stands at the moment), but I will say that I cannot wait to see what they bring to and out of each other again. (And to catch Killian watching Stars from the wings again, losing it on a whole new level.) As a fan of the show itself, of each actor, and of the combination of all three, I will put on the table right now that the next six months of Les Miserables in the West End are going to be for the books. As the song says, and all our debts are paid.

If you’ve made it this far, I hope you understand a bit why I can’t—and have no intention to—shake that ridiculous, unearned pride in Killian, for returning to the Queens, for bringing with him glorious perspective and maturity and joy and responsibility, for coming back—home.

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 3: “Quite honestly it was a train wreck” - John

Zack M

really disappointed in my tribe right now. 

we are about to some telephone challenge and we needed 3 people to do this. literally excuse after excuse after excuse from everyone on the tribe as to why they couldn't do it .... and we wonder why we are losing. ugh. anyways, i'm going to do this shit with my crappy wifi because i rather act like i'm helping than bow out out of fear. and honestly i want to show that i'm committed to the tribe. it would be fucking beast mode to pull out the first win of the season for us. literally let me be the first to do everything for this tribe.

also my game feels strong so if we lose again lol whatever. 

oh yeah, amy went home. *as we go on, we remember....*

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v17lq3Nh054

Aimee

https://imgflip.com/memetemplate/165556484/Screaming-woman-in-car

Zack M

storytelephone confession time: i killed it. at least with the information that made it's way to me. i only missed one question that ben told me. the main reason we got 9.9/10 is because leanne forgot 6 of the 8 animals when telling ben and then we had the 10% disadvantage. i know leanne is to blame for 5% of that. curious about who got the other 5%. but like here's the thing, i love leanne. i feel confident in her loyalty so i'll smile and let that one go. i got her back. ben told me at the end of the challenge that aimee shared with him that i'm "social". so like i guess i have to stop being nice to her. i don't really want her to be the next one eliminated but strike one was how upset she seemed to be with me after telling her the only reason we didn't tell her was because neil threw her name out as someone he was talking to. i really wish she would have listened to me and not messaged everyone. i feel like that put a target on her back. strike two is mentioning my name once. right now she isn't my target but she is on the edge. i don't know who my target is right now tbh. really there's only aimee and najwah that i would consider. i hope we don't get a tribe swap because at this rate, making the merge isn't even a question for me and i'd like to keep it that way. also, ben and i are starting to call each other a power duo. i really would like to make it to the final two with him even though i've promised cody a final two. cody is hilarious but he gives me anxiety. he seems to be losing his cool and going into messy territory. he has too many conversations going which gets him worked up. i need him to focus on what's important. i want someone who i can work with. i'm not trying to babysit. but no plans of cutting that tie until the merge happens and then i will revisit the thought. cool calm and collected. you get like one freak out "what if" moment a day with me and then i'm done. what ifs ... it's what kills people's games. if my 5 alliance would just let me vibe and feel people out we would be perfect. i haven't been wrong yet. *knocks on wood*

Pedro A

i feel like those two tribals were completly different...Neil was voted out for talking too much.....and Amy was voted out for being quiet...and coming late

Ryan

These stupid idols... I feel like im so close every time! Who knows, maybe im way off? I seriously just want, no NEED that extra layer of security, even though I'm feeling alright right now

John B

Another Challenge, another time when our tribe can't seem to make a decision. I totally get why nobody ever wants to step up when it comes to taking charge in a challenge, but honestly I have no clue how we keep winning when the other tribe seems to have no issue making group decisions. There must totally be a Head Honcho over there running things behind the scenes. I have some new juicy details about the tribe now thanks to Pedro. Pedro, Amy-Louisa, and Ryan have started their "outsiders" alliance and this is stressing me out. Pedro says I'm his number one and then goes and makes an alliance without me. I think I'm getting too hung up on Pedro and I being a pair I need to worry about myself and nobody else. Obviously I'm not going to break things off, but I don't really feel like he needs to know everything I'm doing now. At least I think we are in a pretty good position. I am pretty tight with Kalle, Grae, and hopefully Maddison, and He's really tight with Ryan and Amy-Louisa and we both had a good relationship with Alan and Olivia. Between the two of us we are in an ok spot for the time being. If Tyler goes first if we lose, which still feels like the case for now, I am not sure what we are going to do after that, but we will cross that bridge when we get there. I'm going to keep working on my relationships with everyone for now and hopefully I can keep my paranoia in check. WISH ME LUCK YALL!

Alan B

Tyler put a huuuge target on his back by calling the other tribe trash when they've been doing so well, like not only they probably want to get him out asap but now everyone on our team also wants him out? and also he fluked his first challenge? How on earth did he think that comment would do anything but lower his chances at winning and make him look like a jerk to everyone playing? It's honestly kinda hilarious how bad a move that was

Leanne

So, tribal was nice and easy and went as planned, which was a very good thing, albeit with a couple of downsides. The most obvious of these is, we’ve had our easy vote... now what? I seriously do not even have the first inkling of how things are going to go next time we have to have a vote. Either I don’t realize the wind is blowing in a certain direction, which is scary, or there simply aren’t any real targets right now... and I’ll expand on that possibility later. For now let’s talk about another downside. Yesterday afternoon I got a message from Najwah asking if I’d heard the whispers about someone possibly having an idol. I said no, I didn’t know anything, and asked her where she heard it from. She said, one of the guys. Well, which one? That’s when she asked me to video chat. Finally she told me it was Cody who said to her, *we* think someone has the idol. We. I haven’t heard about this from anyone else, and I know Cody and Zach are tight. I hesitate to ask Zach about it. Who would I say I heard it from? I had to drag Cody’s name out of Najwah, and I don’t want to give her up as my source. I don’t think she made it up. Either Zach or Cody or both are stirring something up. I want them separated. I want Cody out but I don’t think I could get enough people together to make it happen, not to mention the fallout if I tried and succeeded, or failed for that matter. The thing is, I don’t know which of the two is instigating this stuff. First it was the weird vote out of the blue, now this. I’m not going to do anything with it for now except sit on it, but I see they are both schemers who came to play. I’d rather have Cody gone because I haven’t spoken to him individually, but he talks to plenty of other people and I don’t like what he’s up to. Zach, at least, has the appearance of being loyal to me. He hasn’t said word one to me about this potential idol. We check in fairly often with each other, how are you feeling, what are you thinking, we still on?, we got this. Like I said I don’t know what to make of this and don’t want to act rashly. The good news is that Najwah and I had a really nice talk, about all sorts of things. I’ve been trying to get personal with her, telling her things about my life, telling her about things like my ex and our relationship then and now. She seems to respond well to things like that, and I’m grateful for the chat because it’s a good way to make a stronger connection. So we talked about the personal life stuff, and also some game talk. She says she isn’t as close to Sarah as I thought she was. Plus we discussed how much to trust Zach and Cody, which is still an open question. And we compared notes on the idol search. We both made the same error and got the disadvantage in the same place. I asked her if the perfume was an advantage and she said yes. So now we know, and we each told people about the perfume so maybe we can increase our odds of winning something, and hopefully we don’t have to spend our own coins to do so. Really the best thing I got out of the conversation was that I feel even stronger about my relationship with Najwah. I think she is trustworthy and we’ve exchanged info completely upfront, at least I think so anyway. Right now she’s my most important ally. Last night, just after tribal, I reached out to James for the first time one on one. His answer caught my eye. I told him I appreciated that he’s willing to fight for us, and then we got to talking. It was mostly a conversation about what it would be like to be on the real show, but we talked about our shared ineptitude when it comes to anything physical, and debated whether or not we wanted to be on for real. Him, Hell yes. Me, 39 days with no food and no sleep, no thank you. But it was a start. A really good start. No game talk yet but at least we’ve got a foundation. The thing I noticed about James from that conversation was that he’s very hard-core about this. I made some comment like, this game is intense, to which he responded, when I got that buff I was in it to win it. He means business. His love for the show is so strong and shines through everything he says. He’s taking this seriously in the extreme. That’s something to watch out for. A quick sidenote about his answer regarding the potential for a swap. The question said there had been talk of it. Talk? What kind of talk? None that I knew about. Something else to consider. Finally, the challenge. I was having such a hard time deciding whether to step up for it or not. For one thing I was just plain terrified about freezing up under the pressure and letting the team down. But I’d like to think I have a decent memory. Najwah even commented about my memory a couple of times prior. And she was urging me to do it for a few minutes before I told the tribe I would. My thinking was, if there’s something down the line that we don’t all have to be in, maybe something with pictures or something that I really suck at, well, I will have already taken my turn and it’s someone else’s. At least if I try this I might have *some* success. Besides, I owe this tribe after I got us part of that disadvantage. But oh wow was it hard and scary! I take reassurance from Jay saying that was one of the better scores she’s seen in this challenge. Still there was so, so so much that I missed. And now that it’s over I fear I may have miscalculated. Remember how earlier I said there doesn’t seem to be any real public targets right now? Yeah... that. If we lose it’s going to be because I dropped the ball. So either we win and I am the big hero, which doesn’t hold much weight as we saw with Neil, or I lose and there is one clear culprit for the loss. Nice going Leanne.

Zack M

welp. it's happened. someone has sent a message to the wrong group. my literal nightmare. 

leanne: That’s what I’m thinking. I’m just deciding whether I want to use up all my coins that way, especially when I don’t know how to get more. najwah: ya sure 

LOLOLOLOL what? look i know leanne and najwah are close so this isn't a surprise. also, leanne is the reason for our disadvantage so she is obviously out hunting for the idol. just something to keep in mind when it comes to voting out leanne or najwah. definitely going to have to split the votes in the chance one of them has an idol. nothing exciting is really happening today. this is low key why i like losing. it keeps people on their toes and active. when they are active they don't have time to think. less thinking = more time for zack on this island. 

Zack M

this is a post to just to shout out najwah. it's so fucking nice when someone is like i'm available to talk to you about real life stuff and not just game. i love having open honest conversations about feelings. i do feel a little bad saying how much i want to work with her and leanne. it's not a lie but like i have a majority 5 alliance going with 3 choices to vote out and i think those 3 are talking. who am i supposed to say? i refuse to be the first one caught throwing an alliance members name out.

Kalle N

WE FINALLY LOST AND I'M SO HAPPY!! I'm excited for people to start throwing out names, although Tyler seems to be on everyone's chopping block from what I've heard so far. This should be exciting

Amy A

We lost the challenge and I KNOW it was my fault. I didn’t remember half of the stuff Jay told me. Urgh I feel so terrible for my tribe. Fingers crossed I don’t leave the game first.

Cody A.

Hey all!!! I am happier than a white girl at Starbucks in UGGS. I’m so pumped we FINALLY won immunity!!! 🤩🤩🤩 That being said... I’m kinda sad we won’t get to vote Leanne’s ass off tonight. LMAO. But if we’re being honest.. I think she might have the idol anyways, and Aimee would have taken the hit 😭 which is sad. I like aimee. I REALLY like Amy, but we saw how that worked out. Anyways.. I’m thankful we’re not losing another number, with a tribe swap looming, that could have been bad! BTW, I do like Leanne, quite a lot actually, but the girl literally has not had a single conversation with me. Amy missed half the game and still found time to talk to me about her badass hair and struggles with relocating! I guess I should try and end this confession now, TTYL. 

Pedro A

we LOST...and i kinda feel like me and jonh are kinda running this tribe....i hope a swap doesn't screw us over

Pedro A

Tyler is the name that everyone came up with ..hes rubbing people the wrong way 

Olivia A

I was disappointed about losing our first challenge but I feel better because everyone seems settled on voting for Tyler. The message he sent after the other tribe lost for the 2nd time seemed to rub everyone the wrong way. I think it’ll be an easy vote. 

John B

That challenge was rough, honestly I was crying laughing the entire time. Quite honestly it was a train wreck. Im not going to say it was Amy but like.. It wasn't not Amy. I'm not going to throw her under the bus though. Luckily I have my new core four alliance. My dream alliance of me, Pedro, Grae, and Maddison. I am super close with Kalle and Pedro has the outsiders and we both have Olivia. I am cautiously optimistic that this can be an easy vote for Tyler. We will see what happens though.

Zack M

we won! huge shout out to leanne + ben. #teamwork look at god. i'm so glad i was a part of the first win for our team. 11 to 4.5 lol whatt?!? (i don't count the disadvantage because i am not responsible for that) it's been too silent today and i feel like my alliance members are starting to get annoyed with me because i'm may be spiraling a little bit but honestly i've proven myself to be a threat. this isn't for no reason. in this game + real life .... give me validation and i'll shut up. it doesn't have to be the truth.

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpw07_jlqxQ&feature=youtu.be

Aimee

https://elysiankardia.tumblr.com/post/623755743585255424 This is what I will be doing tonight after that INSANE WIN! Love these legends getting it done 👑 👑 👑 It was great getting to video chat with Ben and Cody! It finally felt like we had camp life in the game instead of just challenges and tribal. Right now with the bonds I have formed at this point in the game... I am working closest with Najwah and Ben. They are my ride or dies! 💞💖 I trust them to the moon🌙 and back. We really needed this win and I’m so happy Leanne, Ben and Zack were able to pull this through! We all needed a night off. https://64.media.tumblr.com/908f7a445a41c1e3b6c3c0fd4820ebfe/a53f344a539857da-cb/s540x810/80e7cf8f5ad8a99a80784a359c7f03d683aa3efe.gifv

Pedro A

tonight is our first tribal council....Tyler will probably go home...i hope this is the last time we go to tribal....cause after this vote...idk who will be eliminated from our tribe

Sarah

The plan is to vote out Neil tonight and cause a blindside. Everyone is on the same page tonight about not trusting him so I am confident that the plan will go through but also scared as heck. 

Kalle N

So far everything has been relatively quiet and simple which terrifies me. Either this will be a 9-1 vote against Tyler, or there are things happening that I'm not involved in... I just have to trust the people I'm talking to and hope it's not me going home I guess. I'm like 75% sure it'll be Tyler that leaves tonight though. 

Zack M

i really don't like days off. low key wish someone else would have done the challenge so we could have lost. i get paranoid everyone isn't actually taking today off. cody also shared that najwah and aimee are close so i hope najwah doesn't share that i mentioned aimee because that's bad news for me. should we have kept amy t? ugh. 

Maddison

Inevitably our tribe is attending tribal tonight. This seems to be a comprehensive easy vote, but there is never an easy vote in Survivor. Hopefully an idol doesn’t come into play and shock us all. Alliances have definitely been formed and the game is well underway. I have to remember that everyone is playing, regardless of their outward threat level. 

John B

Well, we are quickly approaching the first tribal council and I think things are pretty set in stone at this point. Unless I am being completely bamboozled which will make me cry. This vote is going to be too easy which is going to mean trouble for the rest of the votes after this, everybody is getting along too well so if we go to tribal again after this, lines are going to have to be drawn in the sand. I am getting worried about Pedro, I think he may start to become a bit of a liability. He is too nervous for literally everything which is making it impossible to make plans for down the line. He was saying he was wanting to vote out Maddison and I'm like would it be so hard to just vote out someone we aren't in an alliance with?... like... hello?? Alan may be a good next vote because we know they have the idol, on the other hand, them having the idol could come in handy down the line. I think if we lose again before a swap or something Olivia or Alan may be a good plan. I still do not trust Ryan at all, I really don't think he likes me and I am putting in the effort here. If we can bring the "outsider alliance" in with the core four, we would have a solid six that I think would take us far in the game, I am just worried that Pedro is going to start something I don't want to do. Hopefully we can get through this first vote and get back on a winning streak 

Ben Kessler

Baba booey! I helped win the challenge for our tribe, so you can just call me Joe Anglim. On a serious note, Zack is very paranoid about people throwing his name out, which I like because it makes him feel like we are close. I would like to vote Leanne out because it looks like she has connections I do not have. Leanne definitely worries me that she has an idol. Just need to keep tabs on everyone and make sure my name isn't thrown out. SarahI found the hidden immunity idol! Yesterday was the first time that I went hunting. I had been told information about the idol hunt through Cody and when he told me what was in the clothes and antique store I had this gut feeling that the idol was in the jewelry box. I had gotten 10 coins yesterday from searching the boat and then I got 5 from Cody and 5 from James, my closest allies, so I was able to buy the jewelry box today. I have spoken with Zack about wanting to share coins in order to get it. I plan on telling Cody because he is my number one and ride or die. I haven’t decided if I am going to tell anyone else or make it known to my alliance. I do feel better knowing that no one else has the idol, and I do not plan on using it anytime soon. This is such a crazy game aishshfbrhe

Najwah

I'm so happy we finally won a damn challenge! So basically Leanne and I had a long video call and we were discussing our advantages and disadvantages etc. In finding the immunity idol. She then accidentally sent a message in the main group lmao. Luckily only Cody and Zack so it so we used that to our advantage and told them where to go when they land in town. Thing is, they gave us no info back? So now we are idol hunting on the places they've been to chacke whether we can actually trust them coz we'd like to work with them. I love Zack as a person but I think he's dangerous as a player. I haven't connected with him as I have with Cody. Trying to connect with Aimee but she seems to keep us all at a distance. We have to go through a crazy winning streak now bc I am not in the mood for my trials. Fes great to have the evening off. Two evenings off actually. Its shark week so that's perfect. I

Najwah

I need to reconnect with Sarah. We haven't spoken much since Day 1. I know Cody talks to her. The only problem I have is that Leanne would like Cody out of the game solely because he's close with me and close with Zack. I'll do everything in my power to protect Cody though. I do feel as though he has loose lips and tells Zack everything which is a liability. Zack has the ability to win this game. He's smart and he has a ruthlessness about him. I'm definitely weary about him. I'll be watching him. He says we can trust him but idk. We will see. Pedro AIf tyler plays an idol...i have no ideia who he will write down Pedro A3 hours till tribal ...and im scared if tyler has an idol

Grae G

I formed a tight alliance w John Pedro and Maddison. I’m still working w the girls and actually like them more but it’s clear John and Pedro are very much in control and I’d love for them to continue believing it. Tyler is gonna be the first to go, just because he didn’t quite fit with the group vibe. Which sucks but you know it happens! No hard feelings if you’re reading this Tyler. Hey it could be me tonight you never know. Its still early yet in this and I’m trying to play a low key game and if it bites me later than so be it lol I honestly don’t have much time between work and life to put more time into it then I am. I think it’ll be basically everyone voting against Tyler maybe a few stragglers but I’m really expecting full majority. If anyone has an idol as of now I’m absolutely shocked and don’t think Tyler has one but who knows  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Amy A.

So everyone keeps saying Tyler is being evicted today but the game is scary so you really never know. First tribal for Maola so I’m excited and scared. Fingers crossed it’s NOT me. I hope it’s an easy tribal and tomorrow morning I’m still in this game. 

James Hayden

Today's Day 7. I found 10 coins this morning during my idol hunt. As promised, I gave five to Sarah so she could use them to find the idol. She said she trusts me and is with me 100% and wants to go far in this game together. Clearly, I trust her 100% - or as much as one can in a game like this - and like our odds together. We are also talking about adding a third person from our five. Ben is my pick and she seems on board. From the outside, I don't think we are an obvious trio. I just this move won't bite me in the ass later down the line. God, I hope she's not playing me. If she's, then good on her and she's good at this game. 

Tyler H

Not much happened for me for the past few days during this round, but I still think I’m better then everyone 

Alan B

My confession is that I procrastinated way too long on my confession XD

Ryan

I believe the plan is simple tonight... well, let's find out

[surveysonfleek]

697.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 44 4201. Has your life lacked a miracle? i mean... not really. it’s my fault for not having the greatest motivation. 4202. Would you shoot a terrorist? if i had a gun and they were attacking people, then yes. otherwise i’d call the cops first. 4203. Were you an unlovely child? probably the opposite, i was very loud and talkative as a kid. 4204. In the recent Michael Jackson documentary was he treated fairly? haven’t seen any mj docs in years tbh. 4205. New York City and other places along the East Coast have recently been said to be the next terrorist targets. What do you think about this? this is a really old survey, so i’m taking this with a grain of salt.

4206. What should the last question in this survey be? not sure lol. 4207. Are you more likely to think so deeply about things that you forget to take out the garbage OR be wrapped up in your life and forget to think deeply about things? the first one. 4208. In what ways are you destructive? that i’m not thinking about the future enough. 4209. If you're not with the one you love can you love the one you're with? for me, no. 4210. Why is it that when you hang upside down the blood rushes to your head but when you stand up the blood doesn't rush to your feet? i actually have no idea. 4211. Do you demand a better future? sure. 4212. Does it make you uncomfortable to meet a person with a handicap or deformity (retarded, deaf, lacking a limb, etc.)? no? why would it. 4213. What did you think of the movie Vanilla Sky? never seen it. 4214. What is your favorite thing to dip into fondue? depends on what kind of fondue.  4215. Are you moe like Wayne or Garth? neither. 4216. SNL or Mad TV? neither. 4217. Best three REM songs: i can only name two tbh. 4218. Name something you do that might be considered eccentric: i’ve been into this paint by sticker thing lately. time consuming but fun lol. 4219. Are you hard or easy to love? pretty easy i’d like to think. 4220. Could you be the next american idol? no because 1. i cant sing and 2. i’m not american. 4221. If you were going on american idol what would you: wear? n/a sing? 4222. Is Simon Cowell sexy or does he suck? he is definitely not sexy to me lol. 4223. What was the last thing you used a credit card for? a christmas present lol. 4224. Do you like back or foot massages more? back. 4225. If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow why oh why can't I? ok. 4226. Why do teachers always want blue or black ink? well tbh i’d hate it if i had to read papers written in red or something light. 4227. What do you keep your change in? my wallet. 4228. Do you read playgirl or playboy for the articles? no. 4229. Are you old fashioned? In what ways? not at all. 4230. If you were going to get a mentor who would your top three choices be (out of everyone alive)? casey neistat, rihanna and oprah. 4231. Would you rather visit France or Thailand? i’ve been to france so probably thailand. 4232. You love your partner but they are a slob. They aren't likly to change. Your thoughts: i honestly cannot bear to live with a slob, so i’d have to talk to them about my concerns and get them to change their ways or i’ll probably just snap and leave them. 4233. Is anything brainwashing people? probably. How/in what ways? the media in general, being picky with what and how they portray world issues. 4234. If you were a sex psitols song which one would you be (some choices in case you aren't familiar with them: Holiday in the Sun, Bodies, No Feelings, Liar, Problems, Seventeen, Pretty Vacant, New York, E.M.I.)? i don’t know any of their songs. 4235. Are you more likely to drink moderately and often or drink within an inch of your life but only once in a while? i only really ever drink to get drunk. so not often at all. 4236. What scares you most about war? how it’ll affect my family and friends around the world. 4237. You find a man with wings (an angel?) half dead in your back yard. the first thing you do is: if someone’s home with me i’d get them asap. or i’d at least take a pic/video from afar then probably call the cops lol. i’d be too scared to check up on them myself. 4238. Why do people go to faith healers when there is so much proof that they are fake? some people just need a little hope sometimes. it’s just unfortunate that these fakes take advantage of them and take their money. 4239. When someone you care about is really angry with you how do you feel and how do you deal with that feeling? i feel pretty shitty. if it’s my fault i’ll do my best to make it up to them. 4240. There's a guy who sometimes get violent with his wife. He will scream 'I LOVE you!' While he hurts her. Do you think there could be any love there? hell no, i don’t think anyone should hurt someone they love... 4241. Name at least three things that make you want to cry. idk. 4242. Is John Malkovitch sexy? Is Billy Corgan? no to all. Is Michael Stipe? Is Moby? Is Sinead O'Connor? 4243. Imagine there's a lepper and he wants to be cured but instead of going away his sores sprout sunflowers? Would that be a miracle? Would that tell you anything about anything? i’d be freaked out. 4244. Do you watch people? sometimes. 4245. Do you have anything that doesn't belong to you? yes. 4246. what is normal? whatever you think it is. 4247. You are given your own private island. What would you name it, and who is allowed to live there with you? i’d name it after me and only my family, boyfriend and friends are allowed to live there lol. 4248. How can you prevent war? i don’t think i can tbh. How can we all prevent it? write to the government. 4249. If something is wrong in society and you don't like it butr you do nothing about it, i a way aren't you supporting it? no, i feel like supporting it is more about agreeing and spreading the word about it. 4250. Do you like Leslie Nielson? idk them. 4251. If you could make a new toothpaste flavor what would it be? apple. 4252, Have you ever called the police or the fire department? yes. Why and what happened? called the cops once coz there was a huge fight in broad daylight, called the fire department because i was driving home from work one night and a random tree was ablaze. 4253. What's more important, freedom or security and why? for me, security. i don’t really like facing the unknown without security. 4254. Who pays most of the taxes, rich people, or average people or poor people? everyone is basically paying the same cut. Who should pay the most? politicians lol. 4255. You are on the weakest link with these contestants: a monkey, Simon Coswell, Hayden Christensen, Cher, a guy in a teenage mutant ninja turtle costume and GW Bush. Who do you vote off as the weakest link and why? the monkey because it’s not human. 4256. Do you like: mint skittles? never tried. mint ice cream? sometimes. junior mints? never tried. 4257. Does protesting/demonstrating really have any effect? yes. it spreads the word and gives people a platform to protest something they are passionate about. 4258. After the world demonstrated against war with Iraq, Saddam was quoted as saying america was 'weak and isolated'. Do you believe this is so? i don’t know... i don’t know enough to comment. 4259. Have you ever wanted to be with someone who was off limits? no. 4260. Have you ever wanted someone so badly that you would kiss your hand imagining it was them? haha no. 4261. Are there any situations when cheating on someone is okay? only if you had some sort of agreement with your partner to be in an open relationship but then again it wouldn’t be classified as ‘cheating’. so idk. 4262. When you feel empty inside what do you fill yourself up with? Where does it come from? sleep. 4263. Would you rather be loved or desired? loved. 4264. When you remember something do you remember yourself to be more or less graceful/positive/smooth than you actually were? none? 4265. How can you tell the days of the week apart without using a calander? Are your days really different or all the same? just by comparing it with the dates and days of this week. 4266. Who started punk rock? idk. Who started goth? Who started hip hop? 4267. What 3 things about you have shaped your life the most? my family and upbringing, my boyfriend and my education. 4268. Is your mind awake? yes. Is your soul? yes. Were they always? i guess so. If not, can you remember a moment or a few moments that helped you wake up? 4269. Have you ever misperceived what was going on only to discover it when it was too late? not that i can think of. 4270. Do you understand the human heart? no. 4271. How important is your weight? How important is your partner's weight? important. and not super important for my partner, as long as they’re healthy. 4272. What color is the wind? nothing. 4273. Do you believe children or adults know more? adults for the most part. 4274. Do you believe you are crazy? no. 4275. Did you predict the ending to Joe Millionaire? Is there something you care about less than you care about Joe Millionaire? don’t remember. 4276. Snow blower or shovel? neither because it doesn’t snow here. 4277. List everything you ate in the last 24 hours? tuna, crackers, nutella sandwich, chicken, broccoli and rice. 4278. Have you ever plagerized? no. If yes, what and why? did you get caught? **** No one could act in that daredevil movie. The script sucked as well. This is not a question. **** 4279. Who specifically annoys you? my boyfriend. 4280. What is your favorite blanket like? i don’t really have a favourite. 4281. How do you feel about teachers coming on to their students? Students coming on to their teachers? both wrong. 4282. In what ways do you keep yourself entertained? youtube, netflix, surveys, reading. 4283. Entertainers (musicians, sports players) are the highest paid people in america. Why are we so obsessed with being entertained? it’s just part of society. 4284. Do you want a perfect body? i wish. 4285. Do you want a perfect soul? no. 4286. Which do you want more? body. 4287. Do you want people to notice when you're not around? huh? 4288. Are you more of a creep, a wierdo or special? none. 4289. Who wrote the bible? the disciples. 4290. Who wrote the book of love? what is the book of love? 4291. Who put the bomp in the bomp ba bomp ba bomp? idk. 4292. Who rocks the party that rocks the party? idk. 4293. If you could pick 5 things to study with no limits what 5 things would you pick? space, i.t., history, geography and science. 4294. Do you study any of them on your own? no. 4295. What's more important, learning or getting the hell out? learning. 4296. What is your favorite highlighter color? purple. 4297. Give everyone some advice: be the best version of yourself. 4298. Are you practically perfect in every way? no. 4299. Are you nasty and tricksy? no. 4300. Where is the precious? idk.

[antigoneblue]

5 & 24

5: Writers you love on Tumblr?   oh gosh, there are quite a few.  all my mutuals definitely, plus some other great great great people. (i’m kinda sleepy, so if i leave anyone out it’s not intentional. if we’re mutuals, you’re automatically on this list. i have also clubbed people together because i’m lazy.)

@torinaudoire i love their poetry a lot. i feel like it deals with abstract things - with religion, with trauma, with existence- in very unconventional ways. their writing legitimately changed the way i think. i’m not sure how active they are anymore, but when i think of wonderful tumblr poets, they’ll always be somewhere at the top of my fuzzily formed list. 

@syrupbrat  & @elexctra write extraordinary stuff, all tough things that are simultaneously tender things. the fact that they’re working on a magazine thing together makes me very excited. 

@gayred5 mal & i are probably one of the most terrifying friendship combinations i can think of, but his poetry??? damn. his poetry is something simple and unquestionable, like breathing, but at the same time it’s something heavy, that won’t leave you alone, that will make you think about it much after you’ve read it.

@softheartedpoet i have unfortunately fallen behind in reading han’s works, but. i love her writing. she’s one of those people who seems to put a lot of thought and care into everything she writes, and it really shows.

@rottenbois hayden’s writing makes so much sense to me on some deep primal level. i don’t know how to explain what his lit makes me feel, but he’s just one of those poets whose way with words leaves me stunned. 

i haven’t read much of @softrott & @ennahorn ‘s writings, but what i have read  from both these wonderful poets has rendered me speechless. their writing is so strong, truly makes an impact. 

@porchbirds‘s poetry is wonderful & gives me some hope in the world, if that makes sense.

@radclyffes‘s literature is elegant and glorious and downright beautiful. i cry liquid gold over it just a little.

@avolitorial is legendary, obviously. i love their literature so much.

@babymoonpoet i thought i’d mentioned chel but apparently i haven’t. their poetry is mostly soft, but not always, and always leaves me with images in my mind. like dreaming with your eyes open.

@dhritspoetry writes some very iconic poems, all staccato and vivid and beautiful. i love it.

@allthesinkingships & @aphelionbruise who are both very iconic tumblr writers, for very good reasons. 

@inkedknuckles FOR SO MANY REASONS THAT I COULD SCREAM honestly i found their work relatively recently but i feel like i’ve been in love with it all my life.

@starplucked  IS SOMEWHERE AT THE TOP OF MY LIST. i found their work at a very odd time of my life, and honestly, there’s something so ethereally compelling & beautiful about it. it almost makes my heart stop.

@autoenyo​ - primarily an aesthetic blog, but if you look hard enough you can find bits and pieces of her poetry, and it’s lovely- all soft and tender, yet strong-voiced.

there are so many more people but my head is starting to ache, i’m sorry ;-; 

24: What has inspired you lately? 

College feels like a completely different universe from school, so there’s that. Also, I’ve been reading a lot of tumblr poetry (as you can probably guess), so that always makes me feel things and remember emotions I felt earlier and sometimes provokes me into writing stuff. Overall, I feel like my life has taken a very sudden change this year, and I’m not sure where I’m headed, and that’s what’s inspiring me- the people I meet, the people I miss, the things I’m slowly learning about myself and the people around me. 

Sorry if this makes no sense, it’s 3 AM here & I’m kinda sleepy lmao