#have you ever heard a song so so agonizingly desperate. the devotion of it all. the love that remains

[eosofspades]

the way that abstract (psychopomp) is like. the streetlights-on-rainy-pavement kind of haze that clings to painful memories. trying so desperately to provide some kind of comfort to the animal in its last moments. all the love that remains. all the desperation that's still not enough. the way that all my love and terror balanced there between those eyes is like. we are standing in the middle of the road and there is an ocean between us. we are standing on a knife's edge. once this ends it will be gone forever. i want to reach for you. if i make the smallest movement everything will shatter into a million pieces. everyone else moves on. i will never find my way out of this moment for the rest of my life. we're still standing in the middle of the road. i love you more than anything. it still won't be enough.

[rust-en-orde]

and in the name of love, she’s coming back.

although it’s fairly confusing to point out the only one thing that CL lacks to make her own breakthrough in the US impossible, because duh, she has everything upon her sleeve, I think we can come to a final conclusion that it’d be good management.

what else does a leader of 2NE1, one of the pioneers in K-pop whose influence and contribution could never be denied since 2009, conceivably not have, unless a company with at least a functional brain which will let their artists release a goddamn album? y’all tell me.

the fact she’s from YG Entertainment (the shittiest company in South Korea, fyi only tho, just in case you’re clueless) had been the prominent reason for all the widespread frustrations growing from both important parties in this case (CL and her loyal fandom, GZB) since 2015.

2015 was like the perfect timing for her grand entry to the US, wasn’t it? her swaggering single ‘Hello Bitches’ was getting massive recognition, the high anticipation from both the general public and GZBs was rising higher than ever. not to mention her extensive connection! the relationship with all peeps from another side of the world that she builds throughout the years was beneficially helping to spread her brand out as an all-around rookie singer who’s more than ready to pull off ‘CL paves the way for Asian artists debuting in the US’ card. 

and here’s the most ridiculous joke of the decade; instead of dropping a ton of remarkable albums which she has worked on either in South Korea or the US, all she could have was a longass hiatus after the release of her debut single ‘Lifted’ (which I always think as a mere warm-up song lol) in 2016.

can y’all imagine that?

she’s a top-notch performer. her number one mission has always been to stun everyone the moment she’s stepping on stage. she was one of two artists that being asked to represent South Korea at the 2018 Pyeongchang Olympic closing ceremony and she ate the whole stadion alive.

imagine being none but a literal idiot for wasting her unmatched talents, her golden age, her unstoppable stage presence? I simply can’t be one because nah that certain level of stupidity is beyond my ability.

another painful story is, as many as GZBs who decided to faithfully stay and wait for her music, there was also a large number of them who heavily chose to leave. if you’re starting to wonder who to blame, whose fault is it? well, to be frankly honest, no one (it’s YG Entertainment’s fault tho but I had enough talking about that garbage so).

let me break the situation down for you.

she couldn’t release any song she have produced by herself, she’s basically getting locked up. the desperation was painfully too much to be borne, both for herself and GZBs. dozens of new groups get to debut every year. they’re fresh and young, they have a dozen of chances to promote their songs frequently, to showcase their capabilities. and how’s CL doing? what exactly has she been up to? not even one single fleeting glimpse existed. GZBs were left by confusion, were hanging by only futile hope to listen to her new album which seemed wouldn’t be getting released anytime soon. inevitably, some chose to leave yet the rest wanted to stay. they, whose commendable persistence, truly did.

when the news of her departure from that sexist company broke out in November 2019, following the announcement of the ‘IN THE NAME OF LOVE’ release (in less than a month since she left that broke agency, a glo up I aspire to have tbh) there was a huge relief within me. yes, solely a relief.

there was no scene of weeping a bucket of tears, or more extreme, an agonizingly painful blow within my chest, just like when they announced 2NE1’s disbandment three years ago. picture that as a twinge of irony, because it felt like years ago since the last time I could be just free of worry towards any news coming from K-pop artists I love (and in general tho tbh, 2019 is not definitely the best year of K-pop). that time, I couldn’t resist to pat my head and, if I may add, to give myself the highest praise for making a good decision. yes, hon, once in a lifetime. hashtag I’m indecisive and I knew it.

“smart of you to not ever forget her, to never have any slightest thought for leaving the fandom, to simply stay,” I told myself.

‘IN THE NAME OF LOVE’, a meaningful gift for her friends and GZBs. but above all, a thoughtful letter written by herself to herself which for the most part saying that it’s always okay to start all over again.

it’s an extended play (EP) that contains six songs in total and every two tracks will be dropped in one week. she just released the first two songs, +DONE161201+ and +REWIND170205+, and the responses are nothing but hearty applause. oh anyway, the numbers in each song correspond with the date when the songs were written, as if it’s a kind of diary that depicted her feelings over that time.

in spite of the fact that it’s written 3 years ago, ‘Done’ is an enjoyable and super catchy bop. it’s like a peaceful break-up anthem, something that you can claim as rare topic because recent break-up songs outhere are mostly about the wounded pain and sleepless nights (SHOUTOUT TO AKMU’S HOW CAN I LOVE THE HEARTBREAK WHEN YOU’RE THE ONE I LOVE they can have all the waters from my eyes I truly don’t mind). the lyrics are very straight-forward (which I appreciate the most) and somehow I can’t help but squeezing out some memories from my teenager days by listening to it religiously.

“don’t hit me up

don’t show up on me

the one who left me

baby boy, that was you

please don’t hit me up

don’t call me

I told you that you would regret this, you fool”

2NE1 was widely known for their empowering songs back then, remember? you are allowed to have a sort of vague or even a clear-cut distaste towards the songs they made in their peak of career, but you definitely can’t disregard the truth that they’re effin good at conveying “you broke up with me so you better get your ass out and never come back to me and say you regret everything because duh boy adios” message. been a devoted Blackjack (2NE1’s fandom name) since 2010, it’s just really delightful for me to finally hear their distinctive sound again in newer production provided by the leader. if any of you are in desperate need of a clean break-up jam, Done is a decent choice. btw my personal favorite part of the song is:

“tears I shed for you is my last gift for you

what’s done is done”

(IT’S WAY TOO RELATEABLE I,,)

moving on to the second track, ‘Rewind’ aka a song that turned me into a miserable mess the first second I listened to it. I’m not a genius in music and its magical pieces of stuff but it doesn’t take a genius either to understand the meaning of this song is THAT deep.

“where did we go wrong? I don’t know

it’s too late to say goodbye

let’s try solving this unpromising puzzle

you don’t wanna let me go, me neither

the curtain between us

open it up and let’s rewind”

I think she’s like talking to herself. she’s questioning why everything is falling apart, why things aren’t right in the first place. then after dealing with not-so-momentary confusion and hesitation, she came up with a decision that she only had to go back to the beginning and start over. and it may not be the easiest thing to be done, but even so it’s not a serious problem because she knows that she’s more than capable of proving herself, that she’s never alone along every step in another big journey ahead of her. I’d say ‘Rewind’ is a very encouraging song, it feels so uplifting to be heard on your heavy days.

also, the music videos for both songs are quite personal and emotionally soul-stirring. she produced the video by herself hence you can easily notice the simplicity and creativity she carried on there. one thing that ought to be highlighted is the people who were shown in the music videos. they are her closest friends slash constant supports which are playing an irreplaceable part in her life, especially when times were rough for her with all US debut preparation and everything. on a lighter note, I’m profoundly thankful to know she’s never alone while facing all hardships she got to encounter, that she’d never be obligated to dissemble her feelings because she’s surrounded by her own people who are always all ears for her.

to sum everything up, ‘IN THE NAME OF LOVE’ is a heartwarming start.

it’s not the main release for her high-anticipated return to the music scene, but instead, it brings a long-awaited comfort to the table as if she’s saying “hey fam guess what? I’m still here, I won’t ever give up, let’s do it now” to GZBs. her previous agency had done nothing but ruined her chances to make everything big on time and as now she’s no longer prisoned (I sound so bitter ok I know), I simply can’t wait to see what she got in store and am beyond ready to give my utmost support for a ton of albums she will be releasing from now on.

4 years filled only with the long stretches of waiting have passed, and that, surely not in a blink of an eye. but somehow, she made it. so did GZBs.

welcome back, CL. been long time, hasn’t it?