#have the surgeons take a pic of it like a tinder fishing profile pic
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girl help I am recognizing the pattern
#fuck getting older you learn to recognize your brains own bs#sucks when the solution isnt just 'take a shower' (though it did help)#i need to go back to therapy I am so self critical and aware to the point it is paralyzing#'am I seeking these sensations as a form of self harm' NO!!!!! MAYBE!!!!!#i don't KNOW this is STUPID#anyway I gauged my ears and have been eating spicy food to feel alive and I am slipping ever further into this depression despite it all#i'm not sad i just don't feel anything. i want to be sad. that would be /something/.#i'm empty and scared and tired and I want to just.#sleep#HOW YOU SPEND YOUR DAY IS HOW YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE#AUGH#AUGHH#AAAAAUUUGHHHH#<- bearer of the sickness#I hope they weigh the stuff they cut out of me. I want weight and length like they do a newborn#have the surgeons take a pic of it like a tinder fishing profile pic#ideally i want it preserved in a jar so I can keep it on my desk#but sadly. it will go to the labs for biopsies. and then be incinerated.#kinda cunt. kind of metal. i can live with that#why are you reading this it's my DIARY. LEAVE
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