#have the same feelings about aos fandom even within my own spaces so this is not coming from a place of wanting to cause drama

[butterflysnowflake]

I'm really glad eleven years of AoS fandom has given me a crash course in curating my fandom experiences because lordy

[lenievi]

Hey so I’m curious about your feelings on bones having a daughter? It’s just something I’ve been feeling conflicted about lately. Like on one hand I think it adds an interesting layer to his character. On the other hand it just seems like something that he would feel guilty about, assuming that it’s not a close relationship, which people sort of go back and forth on since he would be pretty absent but he also just seems like such a caring and loyal person so it can be hard to imagine him just not being around on any level for his kid. I also struggle a bit with the fact that so many people write her as being so young, which isn’t a bad thing but I always imagine her as a teenager or young adult, which, depending on how long Bones has been in space and part of the fleet, would also likely impact how close they are. Like did he leave when she was a young child so they never had the opportunity to be close or did he leave when she was a bit older so they had a relationship before he left?

I'm conflicted about him having an ex-wife jahdjshfjgdjgfj

This is gonna be headcanon heavy and maybe not really what's common? idk Because the fandom expects it, I generally have him be divorced and have a daughter in TOS. In my mind, he married young and had Joanna when he was in his very early 20s (like 22yo) and was studying medicine. He wasn't ready to settle down, he wasn't able to be there for his wife or his newborn daughter, and within two years after Joanna's birth, the wife had enough and filed for divorce. That led McCoy to join the service.

So in my 'verse McCoy has never been around. He provided for his daughter, and the older he got the more he started to reach out to her, but it didn't always go well. (In my mind, Joanna is bitter and blames McCoy, especially during her teenage years.) He feels regret over his choices (and more and more the older he gets), but he's imho a career-driven man (like Kirk), and he doesn't regret his life in general. (in my hc he reconnects with Joanna after Joanna has her own daughter, and he tries to be a good grandfather)

I think it's rare for Joanna to be young in TOS-based fics (not unheard of though), but in AOS fics, she'd be young. I think it's usually assumed she was born in 2249 - that makes her 16-21 during the five-year mission in TOS. But would make her just a kid during the AOS timeline. When Kirk and McCoy met in AOS, Joanna would be 6. (But people might use different years idk) I personally don't headcanon that Joanna exists in AOS, though. The years are just all off, so I don't even hc that McCoy married the same woman. Since in TOS, at the time of him meeting Kirk in AOS, McCoy was with Nancy.

I also can't stop but think how Jim would think about his BFF going to space and leaving his young kid behind. He'd have a lot of things to say about that imho

So, even though I would occasionally prefer not to use McCoy having an ex-wife or a daughter, I created a version for myself I can get behind. It also allows me to deepen the connection between Kirk and McCoy (in TOS) because they can commiserate and bond over having kids and not knowing them. And I love to create connections between the relationship between McCoy&Joanna and Sarek&Spock, allowing McCoy to understand Sarek's position and being able to explain some things to Spock, things Spock can't see, because McCoy speaks from experience.

[justlightlysedated]

20 Questions

20 questions, writer's edition, I was tagged by @lambourngb 😊❤❤

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

71! 70 for roswell and one for vagrant queen

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

468, 583!!

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

not entirely sure tbh, but let's count now:

timkon, bandom, glee, specifically pukurt, but some other ships too, merlin, doctor who, torchwood, teen wolf, agents of shield, runaways, the old guard, vagrant queen, and obviously, roswell new mexico

i think there might be more, but i don’t remember rn

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

the cost of greatness, which i cowrote with marlo

a cure i know that soothes the soul (does so impossibly), the first pwp i wrote for this fandom lol

the person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger, which i wrote for marlo

for better or for worse (til death do us part), which i also cowrote with marlo lol

it might be your wound but they’re my sutures, which i also wrote for marlo

so the pattern im sensing here is that my most popular fics were written with/for marlo which sounds about right lol

5. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i am not sure tbh, i write some pretty angsty one shots and longer fics, but i TRY to at least give a slightly hopeful ending, tho now that i’m thinking about it, i think the angstiest thing i’ve written was that prompt fill based on the song, for island fires and family, i remember SOBBING the entire time that i wrote it (there is miluca in that one), but ALSO there is the fic i wrote in reaction to the season one finale, which also made me cry, which was called, we both know how this story ends

6. What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

once again i’m not sure, like i said before, i try to give my fics hopeful endings if they’re really angsty, and i love me some hurt/comfort, but i’m not entirely known for writing happy, fluffy fics, tho i do TRY sometimes for certain people

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

yes!! i do love me some crossovers, and i guess i would have to say the malex, sort of doctor who au, i’m technically still writing for tove

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes??? but i’m not sure if i could classify it, like i’ll write pretty much anything within reason and if it doesn’t squick me out

9. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

okay, so like don’t hate me, but no, i rarely, if ever respond to comments, i just don’t know what to say at all, like i’m the type of person that really wants every single message to be unique and special, but there are only so many ways to thank someone for reading your fic, so i just tend to post things and then thank everyone for reading afterwards, if there is someone that shows up often on my notifications, or if someone asks me a specific question pertaining to the story, then i will answer, i also answer back if i wrote the fic for someone and they left a comment, and if i’m sent an ask on here about something that i wrote, but i am simultaneously the world's most shy and confident person ever, when it comes to my writing, so i’m so sorry

this doesnt mean that i dont appreciate every comment that i get because i really do, im just super shy and awkward and i may write good-ish, but i do NOT have the same way with words in person

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not really?? if i have i don’t remember it, usually i’m the one who talks the worse about my own writing

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, the only kurtbastian fic i’ve ever written was translated into russian

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yep!! as y’all probably saw from my top five fics up there somewhere, marlo @bestillmyslashyheart is basically my fic writing soulmate, we just really click when it comes to writing

14. What's your all time favourite ship? to write for?

atm it’s malex, which is more than obvious, BUT before they hijacked my brain and made their home within my neurons, it was skimmons!!! i wrote fic for them for YEARS, even after i stopped watching aos

15. What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, i’m just gonna talk about fics that i’ve posted and haven’t updated and not any of the hundreds of wips that have never seen the light of day, my original witch au tbh, i just, roswell made maria and isobel somehow related, and just made me really uncomfortable with the ship, which is the main reason that i’m not gonna finish the fic if i’m being perfectly honest, there is ALSO that au i had where michael’s daughter from the future comes back to the past and she had been raised by alex, because of reasons that are petty, probably my space opera au as well, and only because i just want to write other things MORE

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think i’m good at describing things, especially kisses, i LOVE writing kisses, it’s one of my favorite things, that and my fight scenes are two of the things i pride myself the most on

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue, sometimes i feel the characters are ridiculously out of character, but then i don’t care because sometimes in canon characters are also ridiculously out of characters, also describing things, because sometimes i just feel like scenes don’t flow right, i am definitely a comma whore, and use dashes and hyphens in places they definitely shouldn’t be used, run-on sentences are my best friends, also english isn't my first language, so, sometimes the way i phrase things just come out wrong

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

tbh completely honest, i follow the nora sakavic method where you just write the dialogue in english like, “hey there love,” they said in perfect french, and i only break this rule if i actually know the language because just translating straight from english always makes things sound stilted and weird

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

dc comics, i wrote several timkon fics which i posted on livejournal

20. What's your favourite fic you've written?

oh, i know that love is all about the wind, how it can hold me up and kill me in the end (still i loved it), no specific reason why, i just love it with my entire heart!!

and that's it!! im not gonna tag anyone cause I saw that most ppl were already tagged, but if you want to do this just say that I tagged you!!

[lumau]

Chapters: 3/7 Fandom: The Invisible Library - Genevieve Cogman Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Irene (The Invisible Library), Kai (The Invisible Library), Peregrine Vale, catherine (the invisible library), Lord Silver (The Invisible Library), Li Ming (Invisible Library), Ao Shun (Invisible Library) Additional Tags: ilcharacterweek, Angst, Some Humor, Some Romance, all a bit trippy, but it'll make sense, potentially additional tags per chapter, minor spoilers for the dark archive and all other books Summary: 7 chapters, each focussing on one of the main / favorite characters (written for 2021 Invisible Library Character Appreciation Week)

Chapter 3 - Vale

additional safety notes for this chapter: contains reference to death / suicidal thoughts

 ╳

Vale’s cane tapped on the dark, polished floor as he strode briskly down the corridor.

This, he could feel it. This was it.

His usual instinct that helped him to meet the right people at the right time had never failed him, and he would trust it also in this case. While his whole system was on full alert, there was the smallest twitch in the corner of his lips. He quietly muttered to himself, as he briefly bent down to check the floor, before continuing onwards with even more determination.

“If my record were closed tonight I could still survey it with equanimity. Today I crown my career by the capture or extinction of the most dangerous and capable criminal in Europe.”

He cast a quick glance over his shoulder, but, as expected, the hall was empty. Very well. He had sent Strongrock to meet up with Winters, which should distract both of them sufficiently. This was one matter he had to face alone.

In front of him the corridor ended and opened into a vast space. Not only the ceiling lay hidden in complete darkness, but also the other sides of the wide room. It was impossible to make out how far the room stretched in any direction.

Vale stopped in his tracks and stood completely still, listening intently. He could not hear any noise by another living thing, but found that he could make out a vague rushing sound, like water running down a stream in the far distance. And still, he knew that he was not alone.

Ahead of him a narrow bridge stretched out over the darkness that lay below. There was only one way onwards.

Vale was perfectly calm when he pulled a notebook and pen from his pocket. He set down his cane, leaning it against the wall of the corridor, and in his usual firm and clear manner, he wrote out a few lines, before cleanly ripping the sheet from the book and sticking it behind the cane’s handle.

 My dear Winters, my dear Strongrock! I write these few lines through the courtesy of my adversary, who awaits my convenience for the final discussion of those questions which lie between us. I am pleased to think that I shall be able to free society from any further effects of his presence, though I fear that it is at a cost which will give pain to my friends, and especially to you.

However, my career had in any case reached its crisis, and no possible conclusion to it could be more congenial to me than this. I made every disposition of my property before leaving London, and handed it to my sister Columbine. Pray give my greetings to Inspector Singh, and believe me to be, my dear fellows,

Very sincerely yours, Vale

With one deep breath and not a moment's hesitation, Vale turned to face towards the narrow plank across the unfathomable chasm. As he began to walk, he could make out a shadow opposite him, the dark figure of a man, walking towards him at the same, steady pace. 

Vale felt his heart pounding fast in his chest, but no sign of the thrill of anticipation passed through to the outside. There was the familiar weight of his revolver against the side of his leg. Without his cane it did give him something to focus on, a target for his senses, to keep them alert and focussed. He knew that if he only slipped for a second, it would be a lost game. Only fools underestimated their enemies, and while Vale was prepared to die, he would not do so without taking his with him.

The light was so low that he could still not make out more than the outlines of the man opposite him. The bridge was so narrow that neither of them would be able to evade the other. 

"It is a dangerous habit to finger loaded firearms in the pocket of one's coat."

Vale startled for a second, as the voice rang out ahead of him, loud and clear, an echo in the vast chamber. He drew to a halt, the figure opposite mirroring his step. Vale smiled, and pulled out his revolver. 

"You evidently don't know me," snarled the voice.

“On the contrary," Vale answered in a light tone, that gave none of his tension away. "I think it is fairly evident that I do. Pray, spare me the chatter. If you have anything to say, then do it now."

"All that I have to say has already crossed your mind."

“Then possibly my answer has crossed yours," Vale replied.

“You stand fast?”

“Absolutely."

The silence was cut by the faintest rustle of fabric, and with one swift motion, Vale raised his pistol, just as the other moved in the same manner, and pulled the trigger.

The shot was an explosion in the vast, empty room. Within the same moment Vale knew that something had gone wrong, even while the sudden, blinding light made it impossible for him to see. Then the fragments of broken glass came hurling towards him and he understood.

It was an instinctual move to dodge the bullet that had ricocheted from the mirror that sent his foot over the edge of the bridge. His weight tipped with nothing to grasp for, and he fell.

╳

“Strongrock?”

Vale stepped into the room, carefully avoiding the shattered glass and fragments of what looked like it had once been a chair that were strewn all across the floor. The figure kneeling crouched over in the middle of it all had nothing of the poise and energy he knew his friend to hold in almost any situation, but it was clearly him. With a critical glance around Vale quickly took in the scene. Just a moment ago he had woken slouched in a dark corridor without any recollection of how he got there. But as he followed the faint noises around the corner and was faced with this scenery, all his senses immediately sprang to high alert. He itched to investigate the rubble and this odd place. Yet, the dragon’s state seemed the most pressing issue for now.

“My dear fellow, are you alright?”

He went down on one knee next to him and touched a hand to his shaking shoulder. Kai flinched and looked up at him. His face was streaked with tears and ashen. Tiny cuts stood out dark against his deadly pale skin. Kai stared at him in shock with the expression of someone who had just seen a ghost, or believed he had. Vale frowned, clearly something had shaked his friend to the bones, and he knew this was not easily done.

“Vale? You… are you real?” His voice was hoarse and small, and Vale could hear the desperation in it. It met some part inside his chest with a stinging pain.

Vale swallowed down a lump in his throat, and gave the dragon’s arm a sympathetic squeeze. 

“Quite, for all I can account for, I am very real.”

“I thought I had lost you,” Kai slumped forwards in a shudder of sobbs, clasping onto Vale’s arm.

Vale was taken aback by the outburst, wondering what might have inspired it. He put his hand on Kai’s heaving back. This was a moment where Winters would say something sympathetic and yet constructive, witty but kind. He on the other hand was rather out of his depth, and while he had faced many distraught clients and victims, they weren’t generally his friends as well.

It took him a moment to regain his composure. As Kai sat up, he looked more miserable than Vale had ever seen him, but his eyes had regained some of their sharpness now. He focussed on Vale, and there was something in his look that he had not seen there before.

“Vale, please forgive me. I don’t even know what I can say to express how sorry I am.”

“I can’t see what you should apologize for and what has upset you that much. Won’t you explain to me?” Vale asked softly.

Kai took a deep breath to steady himself and told Vale what had happened. His face drew into a pained expression as he told him of his struggle to free them, and his desparation as he simply couldn’t do anything. He averted his eyes, clearly fighting to find the words.

“I just had to do something. It was not as if I would not have tried to help you and Catherine as well. Please, Vale, you must believe me,” he pleaded.

Vale paused, thinking rapidly. This was all very curious. “You might have fallen victim to some sort of wicked illusion. Surely you must see that this is so, as I am right here, unharmed?” 

Kai swallowed, then shook his head decisively. “But that is not the point,” his voice rose to an urgent tone that Vale had rarely heard from him, at least not directed at himself, “I betrayed you. How can you be so dismissive about this?”

Vale took a moment to consider. 

“My dear Strongrock, had I been there, I would have implored you to save Winters. And it would have been the sensible thing, too, as her abilities might have enabled further action," he said calmly. "I would have expected nothing less of you. There is nothing to forgive.”

Kai stared at him, aghast, and Vale could see a whole array of emotions pass over his face. He was so obvious, still, and it was one of the things that made him such a fine person.

“Why do you have to be so utterly noble?” Kai grunted, but the strained expression on his face had softened somewhat. In a spontaneous gesture, Vale held his hand out for him. Kai took it, and then leaned forward to pull him into an embrace. 

Vale was startled, but forced himself to not just hang in his arms boardlike. That was usually not an appropriate reaction. Instead he settled on returning the embrace, and for a moment, he thought he shared the others relief and allowed himself to relax a bit.

And then, the screams started outside.

╳

(with abbreviated quotes from The Adventure of the Final Problem by Arthur Conan Doyle)

[agl03]

Hello! I’m a new aos watcher, so I apologise if this is a repeated rant, I just wanted to vent a little and found your blog :) I just finished through season 3 and 4 and those were really… rough on fitzsimmons, more so than the first 2, and I think it’s because the writers were so inconsistent? 3A was just a mess to jemma. she was so hot and cold, but not in the way you’d expect from being on a planet. it was like watching a different character almost every other episode [1/6]

[2/6] she has ptsd, then she doesn’t, she’s professing love for fitz, then professing it for will. I was getting whiplash! It felt like the writers put her through hell and then didn’t know how to come back from it, but gathered their bearings in 3B (although if I’m honest, that felt a little cheap, because it was a redo for her relationship with fitz but she still never got to react to being on a freaking alien planet!)

[3/6] and then season 4 was so hard to watch how they tore fitz down. I just find it so hard to believe that, without jemma, fitz would be such a monster, because he had to be a good person too, right? otherwise its like he had 0 personality before jemma and she carved him into who he was, but that doesn’t make sense. I guess I’m still shocked that he never woke up from it, even though everyone else did. it felt like the writers pushed him far (too far) and didn’t know what to do with him.

[4/6] I haven’t seen season 5 so I hope they mention it a little bit, but it was a real struggle to see how extreme they went with him, and Im honestly struggling with whether or not i should go on because the writers seem to love to push them to extremes and then backpedal and not in any way that resolves anything, it really makes me cringe sometimes!

[5/6] I also thought it was strange that fitz got a chance to say, very clearly, that he would always choose jemma over anyone, but that jemma never said anything about that for will? I get that jemma is more reserved than fitz, but I’m still a little sore about that, it doesn’t help with fitz looking like besotted second choice, is all I’m saying. I guess I’ll have to see in the later seasons…

[6/6] anyway, i'm sorry for this, i had about 4 seasons of angst built up in me and i didn't know who to turn to! i really like the show, but i am starting to try and watch with less and less expectations because i keep getting my hopes up for a real resolution and it hasn't happened after almost 100 episodes... thank you for listening and for being so friendly from what i see! i hope i haven't poked old wounds or anything !

Hi Anon!

Welcome to the Fandom, and you have no idea how much these kinds of asks are right up my ally over the years.  I’d say go digging through my blog for more of the metas but that is spoiler central in there so I hope this will suffice until you are done.

First and foremost I don’t want to spoil anything for you but I’ll say to you what I said to the fandom at the end of Season 4....just hang in there we have to trust that the writers have a plan.   I”m REALLY gonna stress this one cause I have a feeling you’ll be back.

Season 3 does indeed hold many old wounds and a pile of story lines that started and then went no where or flat out didn’t make sense.  The whole Space Rando thing was upsetting to say the least but I will tell you the writers said in the Season 3 Declassified that he was nothing more than a roadblock in getting Fitzsimmons together, 12 episodes, but that is what is was.  Were there other ways they could have worked with a more father figure Space Rando and Jemma’s PTSD for that delay, yes, but to be very honest they did not have the real estate to do that kind of story the justice it needed with everything else going on.  It is also worth noting they had to fire the actor that played Will and in that had to change a few things, IE Hive was Ward.   Real estate wise the cast had gotten pretty large at that point and there just wasn’t enough time to properly deal with all that was going on.

Season 4 they did much better, had things mapped out better, but that still didn’t change the fact that I suspect there were a few lane changes story wise .  Again thanks to the declassified books.   And over the years I’ve done A LOT of metas on the Framework and I think something that gets lost a lot is what Radcliffe said he wanted and what AIDA actually did when it came to fixing a regret.

Radcliffe told AIDA, in order to keep the team quiet and not trying to bust out like May did, was to take away a regret.   And for May that was Bahrain.  That change was what set up the hell scape we came into with Hydra in charge.  Radcliffe was blissfully off on his happy Island with no clue what she was really up too until it was too late.  

After 4.14 when AIDA got her hands on the rest of the team she didn’t do like she did with May, Change her biggest regret, rather she changed A regret and for everyone but Fitz stuck them somewhere where they wouldn’t get in her way.  Mack got his daughter back and was ready to die in there with her.  Mace got to be the Hero Inhuman Leader he always wanted to be.  Coulson was a teacher.  May was where her regret left her.  Daisy (had she been replaced) would have just been another foot soldier in Ophelia’s army.  And Jemma was where she could never ever have a chance of getting to Fitz because she feared their love and that Jemma would take him from her.  And I have proof those were not the regrets that they would have had fixed and I’ll circle back to that in a second.

Fitz was her target all along.  She knew from the Darkhold she needed him for what she wanted.  Looking Glass and Love.  However, she didn’t realize that his heart always was Jemma’s and when he wasn’t brainwashed and controlled within an inch of his life that he’d leave her in a second.  She mistook his previous acts of caring and empathy as love and had no understanding of the depths of human emotions. IE you can love people different ways.  Sure he cared about AIDA but he loves Jemma with his heart and soul and vise versa.

As Fitz was her target she fixed things so that she could insert herself in his life in Jemma’s place and that he would have grown up with his awful father who taught him that cruelty and power was the way to go.  This also kept out any positive and caring influences like his Mother, Jemma, and the team.  

I said I had proof that some of those regrets weren’t necessarily what the team would have picked.  That came via Self Control from Robo Coulson and Robo Fitz bearing in mind these LMD’s all had scans of who’d they replaced.  Their memories and their desires.  

Robo Coulson told Robo May to let this whole hostile takeover happen because in the Framework they were happy and together.  That was decidedly not the case there though their connection ended up proving crucial to getting everyone out.  

Robo Fitz told Jemma he was doing this for her so they could get married, grow old together.  Had he known he would be sending Jemma literally into the grave Robo Fitz would not have gone along with the plan.  He thought he was getting Jemma and they were going to go live their own Happily Ever After in there.  Yeah, not the case either.  

With the not waking up, no one but Coulson woke up and that was only thanks to Tahiti.  And yes, it was brutal.  Every week my poor ask box got more and more upset and as a fandom we were more than ready to get the hell out of there.  I mistakingly died on the hill that Jemma would snap him out of it (though I did accurately predict the second Fitznapping....yay).  She didn’t because this isn’t Once Upon a Time, True Love’s kiss doesn’t break the curse of having your mind completely wiped by an evil LMD and the Magic Demon Book.  Now looking back it does make the fact that the second he had free will again, despite that other manipulated life where he was dedicated to Ophelia, it was still Jemma.   

Oh and Jemma did choose Fitz over Will, when the sandstorm hit.  She continued to go to Fitz and left Will....she would have never left Fitz in a sandstorm with the evil monster lurking about.  

That all being said sometimes crap just has to happen to move the story ahead and there is always a price to pay for the good.   I do think the Framework went too far but at the same time the writers were making a bit of a political statement there and they saw how good Iain was with evil bad guy.  

Shippping Fitzsimmons is a lot like a Marathon and you are about to the “What on earth have I done to myself,” point of the race.  But I promise the feeling of crossing that finish line at the end can’t be beat.

[kinetic-elaboration]

March 15: Thoughts on Fandom

Not feeling too well this evening but hopefully a good night's sleep will make me feel better and tomorrow will be low key and chill. And my hot water will be fixed successfully.

I was thinking today about how I've felt for a long time that I'm 'between fandoms' even though technically, literally, I'm not. I continue to write and read for The 100 but I don't entirely feel like I'm in the fandom. Sometimes I think I should just leave officially, but then I think--but to go where? And "Star Trek" seems both an obvious and an incorrect answer. It's like I'm not truly invested anywhere, but in a sort of limbo-like space.

Anyway, so I broke it down like this.

I want 3 three things from "fandom," broadly speaking:

1. To engage with media that I really love.

Examples: waiting for new installments (for ongoing media); rewatching or rereading; obsessing over how great the characters or stories are, dissecting plot lines and themes.

2. To engage with a fan community that also loves the media I love.

Examples: reading fanfiction; reading meta; engaging in online discussions; reading other people's excited posts; following blogs relating to the media in question; reblogging gifsets/graphics/fan art

3. To engage creatively with the source material through transformative works.

Example: writing fanfiction.

Ideally, I'd have one piece of media that fulfills all of these purposes. That was T100 for me for a while. But then I stopped watching the show in late S4, and got farther and farther away from the 'current' fandom. And then the show ended, and on such a sour note, so that the fandom itself, the fan community, started changing. And at the same time, I started getting seriously back into Star Trek again.

So now I'm in this place, where I'm still at least kind of engaged in all three aspects of the fandom experience, but not in a unified way.

Star Trek is fulfilling the first purpose of fandom for me, right now. I'm loving rewatching TOS, and the AOS movies too, and I just have a lot of Emotions about the characters and universe. It's that good kinda excitement that a show (or book or movie or whatever) that you really love always gives. Like--ahh!!! I cannot feel anything else but just happiness because I love this so much!

BUT I'm not engaging with ST in either the second or third sense of fandom. I follow a couple ST blogs but there aren't many truly active TOS/AOS centric blogs out there right now. I don't read any ST fanfic because, well, first of all I never really did, and second, I'm far enough behind on my T100 fic! And I have rl people like my mom and B to talk about it with, but not really anyone on tumblr or wherever who's into it like I am.

And though I've vaguely plotted and poked at some fic ideas, I haven't done any real ST writing in a long time--again because I have ideas for T100 that I need/want to get to first, and I'm not writing so much anyway now in general.

On the other hand, T100 is definitely NOT fulfilling function (1) for me and hasn't in a long time. When I stopped watching the show, I still engaged with the canon a little. I watched other people get excited or debate or discuss. I noticed the patterns of fandom as the show went into and out of hiatus. Plus, I still enjoyed the early seasons and liked early-canon and canon-divergent fics (reading and planning/writing). But even that is largely fading for me. I've been trying to rewatch the show but it's not really doing anything for me... I have a hard time getting into it. The canon-divergent fics I'm writing for the collab are not interesting me in the least, either.

I realized today that most of my fic ideas, or at least most of the fic ideas I really care about in any way, are so far removed from the canon they might as well be original fiction with some familiar names thrown in. The one exception is the Ark AU, but everything else is some form of extreme AU, modern or otherwise. I don't even know that the characters make me feel much of anything anymore. I've been toying with how to explain this for a while but... I feel like both for me personally and the fandom as I perceive it, the characters are more like a shared vocabulary, rather than actual characters from a source material we all love. I think this is partially because the fandom is old enough now to have some very long standing shared headcanons, and either small enough or bifurcated enough for fanwork creators to influence each other more than the canon influences them, and partly because the show ending on a sour note for most viewers has left the people who remain in the fandom with a sense that these characters are OURS and that the value of them is in how we collectively decide to use them now, rather than in how they are tied to the universally derided source material.

I'm not saying any of this is BAD, I'm just saying, that's how it is now, from my perspective.

I'm sort of engaging with the fan community (2) through T100, but... it's a little weird. I have people I legitimately like and enjoy talking to on tumblr who I know through T100 and of course there are events like Troped that I really love. I have a ton of cool fic bookmarked too and I'm getting back into reading it. But my dash has a lot less T100 content than it used to and sometimes I'll find myself j-ing very fast through it because I'm just not in the mood. I know a lot of people are either semi-disengaging, like I am, or wholesale moving on to other things. So it's like... the community straggles on, but it's uncertain at best.

And as far as engaging creatively (3)--to the extent that I write or plan fic it's almost all T100. But I haven't... I haven't been finding it easy to write. In general. This is a little hard to explain but.. when I think "I need to leave T100 fandom and really force myself to go somewhere else" it's usually because I feel like I'm not really getting what I need creatively out of the fandom. I like a lot of my wips and unstarted ideas, in theory at least, but the closer I look at some of them the more... herculean the task of actually writing them starts to seem. And tbh I rarely just... tell myself little stories about these characters or within these potential-fic scenarios. Like in all my idle, free thought time--when I'm washing dishes or taking a walk or a shower or going to sleep, when I want to think about something nice and fictional and not let the worries in... when I'm really engaged with a fandom, I'll imagine little scenes and tell myself little stories during these times. Sometimes they're scenes I want to eventually make into or include in a fic. Other times they're not. But they're still an extension of my creative life.

And I haven't really done that for T100 in a while. Sometimes I imagine Star Trek scenarios. Sometimes I retreat into highly silly comfort scenarios with original characters. But I only think about T100 when I specifically need to brainstorm for a fic. And that makes the fic feel more like work. And that makes me want to do it less.

So... I'm not sure what that will mean for me getting back into my projects when I finally (FINALLY) finish the last of my obligations. Maybe when I feel like I can actually make progress on old wips or ideas I care about, I'll get more invested in them. I was pretty damn invested in Mountain Lion Mean and that wasn't that long ago, so it is still possible. But overall, T100 definitely doesn't have, and probably never will have again, a total monopoly on my brain the way it did c.2016.

Which is fine. Like... it's more than fine. I've been here a while. What I'm trying to articulate to myself with all this is that the dissatisfaction I feel with my fandom life is probably stemming from the lack of one, coherent obsession. I have stuff to read, stuff to write, stuff to think about, stuff to talk about, and even a small fandom community of people I like--so what's the problem, right?? It's because it's not all coming from the same piece of media and that's not as clear and coherent and nice for me.

Plus, it makes writing more difficult when I do want to write these particular ideas, but I'm only motivated by own desire to see the ideas realized, not my genuine love for the characters and the material from which they derive. There's a certain energy that fannish activity has... but T100 fic barely feels like a fannish activity to me rn. Just another type of work. It's a work I'm invested in...but I just so often don't have it in me to WORK at all, is the thing.

So that's the biggest annoyance about it. I haven't really experienced this before so even though this situation has been forming for a while, I still don't really know what to do with it.

[alitaimagines]

“alpha rin okumura x omega, fem reader? maybe where they have to separate rin from the omega for safety reasons and he absolutely goes insane until he rescues her.” 

alpha! rin okumura x omega! fem reader

fandom: blue exorcist / ao no exorcist

note: requests open and I haven’t watched AoE in about two years so it might be fuzzy. please let me know how my first A.B.O fic went. 

You were trying to fend for yourself as you noticed demons coming from every which way. You knew the cram school did their best to have everyone prepared for situations like and you couldn’t lie, you were a lot stronger than you looked but one of the demons had grabbed when you weren’t paying attention and held you captive. 

“Rin, RIN!” You screamed as you tried get his attention. It was a call to Rin but you were trying to see if anyone was paying attention. “YUKIO! BON!” Once Yukio turned around, it was too late, you were too far gone for them to catch you. They needed assistance and fast. 

Rin was the last one to realize that you were taken but once he realized that his omega was taken, it was a sight that no one had seen before. His face contorted to anger, sadness, confusion, and every other heightened emotion. 

“Relax-” Yukio started to say as he noticed his brother turn to him like he was ready to pounce him. Yukio knew he just needed Shura to defeat the demons before it was too late and they found you dead somewhere. “I’ll contact Shura and I’m leaving it up to all of you to watch Rin while I’m gone.” 

Bon knew that it was really up to him and Nemu to try and calm Rin down. It was useless nonetheless because they knew that Rin was your alpha and you stuck to his side at all times. You were strong, no one doubted that, but they had never seen how angry an alpha got when separated from their omega.

//

You entered the cram school a two months after classes started. Yukio knew of you enrolling a few weeks ago but what got him up in arms was the fact that you were one of the only two omegas in the class. Konekomaru being the other. The rest of the class were betas and alphas so it wasn’t too much of a struggle until you came.

When your first day at the cram school came, it was nerve wracking to say the least. You felt the auras of the alphas in the class and you took a deep breath before you opened the door. 

All eyes immediately fell on you and while you were nervous, the alpha energy seemed to calm down a bit. It wasn’t threatening and if you were being honest, it was comforting in a way. 

“Everyone, this is ( your name ). She’s the new student in the cram school and while she did enroll a little late, welcome her warmly.” Yukio said as he ushered you to your seat. “I’ll have one of the students catch you up on work after class and yes it will be extra credit for whoever volunteers.” 

They all perked up at the news but the one that caught everyone off guard was Rin who immediately volunteered. “Dude, are you sure you’re even smart enough to give her lessons?” Shima taunted. Rin jumped which caused Yukio to smack his desk with a ruler. “Rin if you’re interested, I’ll look over your notes and go from there.” The class snickered as Yukio began his lesson. 

Rin couldn’t help but continue to look over at you. He felt attraction like this one time before this and it was with Shiemi. When he realized that she wasn’t interested, he gave up and now you showed up and flipped his alpha instincts upside down again. 

“Hey, I’m Rin.” He wrote down in a note. He slid it next to you and you quietly opened it. You smiled and wrote back. “I’m ( your name ), it’s nice to meet you Rin.”

Throughout the entire lecture, the both of you were passing notes. He would crack a joke every so often and he was glad that it was just passing notes. Rin knew that if he had to actually speak to you, he would be a flustered mess.

Once class finished for the lunch break, you grabbed your wallet from the book bag and walked out. Rin immediately ran after you and managed to grab your shoulder before you turned the corner. 

“Hey!” You said as he gave you a sheepish smile. “What’s up?” 

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I was wondering if you wanted to eat lunch together?” He held his breath as you nodded yes. Rin smiled as he took you to his favorite spot. 

From that day forward, Rin would be by your side and whenever someone from the non-cram school was around you, especially if they were an alpha, he would try to make them scram. It usually worked and Yukio knew this was another thing he had to worry about with Rin. 

It took Rin a few months to finally ask you out but once he did, he immediately scented you. He knew it was a huge step to take but he couldn’t take it anymore. The two of you didn’t have the same non-cram school classes and he didn’t know what was going when you weren’t around him. 

During your heats and Rin’s ruts, it was tough. You wanted nothing more than to welcome Rin into your nest but you were nervous so when the day finally came, Rin was happy beyond belief. He couldn’t believe you were finally letting him into your most intimate space. 

//

Rin watched as Shura and a few others walked into the scene and Yukio gave them the rundown. He was pacing back and forth but he couldn’t help but notice that they kept looking over at him. It looked like Shura was holding something and Rin wanted nothing more than to tell them to hurry the hell up and get the plan going. 

He noticed Shura give Yukio the thing she was holding. Once Yukio got closer to Rin, he tackled him to the ground. “YUKIO, WHAT THE FUCK, LET ME GO!” Yukio held him down as he handcuffed his own brother while Shura put a muzzle over him. 

“Rin, we need to save her quickly and safely. With your emotions at an all time high, we don’t need her coming back even more injured or you getting hurt during the process.” Rin screamed as Yukio tried bringing him to the truck that Shura provided but he couldn’t get too far as Rin was thrashing around and screaming so he could be released. It took Shura, Yukio, Bon, and even Shima to get him loaded into the truck and buckled into the belts. 

“It’s for the safety of everyone involved that you don’t come on this mission.” 

Yukio couldn’t help but feel for his twin brother. While he had never felt the connection between an alpha and an omega, he could feel the heartbreaking feeling from Rin. 

They had someone watch the truck as they went to retrieve you. Rin continued thrash around the truck and the person watching over Rin felt like he was going to explode at any second. Any alpha in a ten mile radius heard his scream. It was the scream that made any alpha feel for him. He was separated from his omega and that was a position no alpha wanted to be in. Any omega within the radius of your presence heard your whimpers and cries. 

Rin couldn’t even fathom to think what those sickening demons were doing to you. He need to be next to you and cover you in his scent. He was on the verge of releasing his flames and he knew that if he did that, Rin feared that he wouldn’t be able to come back from it. 

Even though people knew the connection between an alpha and an omega, they didn’t know the dangers that came from it. An alpha could go into a state of insanity if he didn’t have his omega and Rin was on the brink of getting there. 

Just as Rin was about to break from the chains, what felt like years later, the doors of the truck opened. Yukio looked at his brother and felt like crying right there. He never seen his own twin brother this lost in his life. Sweat, tears, and even spots of blood were running down his arms and face. 

“She’s safe.” Yukio managed to say as he noticed Rin finally break free from the chains and belts. He ran out of the truck and Yukio plus Bon and Shura tackled him down to the floor. “She needs to be evaluated before you can even think of seeing her.” 

Rin with all the power in his body broke through everyone and sprinted to where he thought he could find you. Yukio and Bon chased after him but by the time they tackled him to the ground again, Rin seen you. 

“RIN CALM DOWN!” Bon screamed as he felt like if he pulled Rin’s arms back anymore, he was going to actually break them. “Rin, you’ll see her in a few minutes. Calm the hell down before Shura gets the chance to sedate you and then you for sure won’t see her.” 

For the first time all day, Rin actually listened. Bon and Yukio continued to hold him to the ground as they waited for the people working on you to give them the cue to let Rin go. 

Again, it felt like Rin waited for hours to finally see you but when they screamed to Yukio that Rin was free to go, they didn’t even get the chance to finish the sentence before Rin ran towards you at full speed. He knew that he should’ve been more careful with you considering he didn’t know the full extent of your injuries but as soon as he got into arms reach, he tackled you into a hug. He immediately started scenting you as he noticed everyone leaving the small tent. 

“WHAT HAPPENED? DID THEY TOUCH YOU? WHERE? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY INJURED?” Rin didn’t even give you the chance to respond as he continued to scent you. “YOU���RE OKAY, YOU’RE WITH ME NOW.” 

You nodded as you let him continue to scent you. You knew it was a rough few hours with for the both of you and you just let him do whatever he needed to do as you silently wiped your tears from relief. 

“I’m glad you’re okay.” You whispered to Rin as you managed to get him to calm down for a second. “We’re both fine and we can try to get back to normal.” 

Rin nodded as he wiped the final tear that ran down your face. “Okay, as long as you’re okay, I’ll be fine.” The rest of the night was the both of you wrapped in a blanket and no one dared to disturb the both of you. They had seen Rin angry before but never like this and if everyone was being honest, they never wanted to see Rin like that again. 

ALITA 

[bluering8]

do the fandom ask thing for all the versions of star trek you've seen

So that’s… TOS and TNG then (we could also countnu!Trek/AOS but… let’s not count nu!Trek/AOS).

I’ve also seen Two Whole Episodes of Voyager (the one where B’Elannagot split into her human and klingon halves because that’s how species works inStar Trek I guess, and the one where Doctor McHologram wrote a story andeveryone was real mad about how they were portrayed in his story so they wrotea story where he sexually harassed his patients because that’s how solvinginterpersonal problems works in Star Trek I guess) but I don’t think that’senough to Count.

the first character Iever fell in love with:

TOS: Spock.

TNG: Data!

a character that Iused to love/like, but now do not:

TOS: Uhhh probably Spock also? It’s not that I dislike him now so much as I’ve justkind of lost interest in him as a character. I find vulcans to be pretty boringoverall. I adore serious-businessstoic characters, but usually what I love about them is that they’re just assilly as everyone else, only in different ways. You don’t get that withvulcans, they’re like obsessively solemn and take themselves too seriously atall times.

TNG: Oh, definitely Wesley. I quite liked him for the firstcouple of episodes, and then things degenerated rapidly and now I’m at thebitch-eating-crackers level of he doesn’t even need to do anything wrongbecause I’m willing to take his mere existence as a personal insult.

a ship that I used tolove/like, but now do not:

Uhhh I don’t know man, I haven’t spent enough time aroundTrek fandom to get jaded on any of the ships yet.

my ultimate favouritecharacter™:

TOS: God, I don’t know. I don’t feel mad super passionatelyabout any of the TOS cast. Scotty? Scotty’s fun, I like him okay I guess.

TNG: DATA!! My boy, my son, my cinnamon roll, my perfectwish-fulfilment character because who doesn’twant to be an autistic robot man with super strength and a job he loves and apet cat and a dorky boyfriend??

prettiest character:

TOS: Uhura, absolutely.

TNG: Depending on how you define “prettiest”… Tasha Yar isabsolutely the most attractivecharacter, she could break both my arms and I would thank her for the privilege.Geordi is probably the nicest to look at,there’s something so utterly pleasing about the proportions of his face. He isShaped Like A Friend. (Special mentions go to Data and Picard, who have thebest noses on the ship. Neither of them have particularly fantastic noses, butI have to take what I can get where I can find it. Where are all my big-nosedbeauties, this show is not catering to my aesthetic preferences and I feel personallyattacked by this.)

my most hatedcharacter:

TOS: Again, I just don’t feel mad super passionately aboutany of the TOS cast. Who don’t I even like? This is the sound of me realising I’veforgotten like 90% of TOS.

TNG: It’s cliché to hate Wesley, but… guys, I really hateWesley. Also I kind of dislike Troi a lot. Apparently she gets better later on,and I’m not yet at the stage where I loathe her utterly and there’s nothing shecan do to redeem herself, so maybe hopefully one day I will stop dislikingTroi? That’d be neat.

my OTP:

Data/Geordi. That’s it, that’s the ship.

Uh you know what, also Odo/Quark. I don’t know fuckinganything about DS9 but I follow enough people who care about the goolawman/trashgoblin bartender ship that I accidentally started caring about italso. They’re horrible gross jerks who hate each other and they should getmarried so they can go around being horrible and gross and hating each otherfor the rest of eternity please and thank you.

my NOTP:

I don’t really… care enough about shipping to dislikeanything. Data/Yar maybe? I don’t enjoy this ship based entirely on twocharacters having fucked once under the influence of Weird Space Drugs, whichYar then indicated she very much regretted and would not have done sober.

favourite episode:

TOS: I… can’t really remember any fuckin’ TOS episodes. Orlike, I can remember them, but I can’t remember how I felt about them (and myfeelings would certainly have changed by now given that it’s been years).

TNG: S03E10 (The Defector)!! I loved the oneshot NPC and Ienjoyed the plot a lot and I got very emotionally invested in everything whichhappened. I’ve already talked about this hereand here sowe’ll move quickly on before I accidentally another outpouring of love for RomulanDefector Guy and his character arc.

saddest death:

TOS: Spock! The impact was kind of dulled because I knew he’dbe coming back, but it’s still that moment which really really drives home so fucking hard just how much Spock andKirk mean to each other. There’s something so fucking glorious about a death scene where all a person can do is sit andwatch helplessly.

TNG: Am I allowed to say Jarok? Am I allowed to care about aoneshot NPC so much that I consider his death to be the most tragic thing inthe series so far? It’s not so much that I’m sad he died, just that… you havethis character who’s betrayed the planet he loves, he’s lost his familyforever, he’s given up everything,and he thought he could live with that because he did it all for a Cause andnow he learns that it was all a lie and he really did it all for nothing? Likeouch, yeah, just pull my still-beating heart out of my chest and fucking step on it. And then like, hedies because that’s the simplest way to tie up his plotline and you never haveto think about him again and Okay Then.

Other than that, Data’s death was Very Sad because I love myrobot son. Yar’s death was not really sadbut it was Upsetting because god dammit Yar deserved better!! She was too coolto get randomly offed by Goo Man, this is bullshit.

favourite season:

TOS: I think Iremember S02 being particularly good? Who Knows man.

TNG: I. Argh. Fuckign. I’m going to say S03 because it wasthe one I watched most recently and like, a “season” is a really big shape, Ican’t hold shapes that big in my tiny meat brain. But this one had RomulanDefector Guy and Q being de-Q’d and Data having non-drugged sex and Datagetting kidnapped then attempting to shoot his kidnapper to death thentransparently bullshitting Riker when asked about it, and those were all thingsI enjoyed happening. But then S02 also had a lot of things I really enjoyedhappening?? I don’t fucking know, my guy.

least favouriteseason:

Instead of answering this question I spun my chair incircles singing along to Charmless Manand I suggest you do the same. Seasons are really big and there’re a lot ofthings which happen in them!! I don’t have the memory for that sort of thing.

character thateveryone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:

I… don’t really hang around in the fandom enough to knowwhat the general opinion of the characters is, I just sit here in my own littlecorner and enjoy myself.

my “you’re a piece oftrash, but you’re still a fave” fave:

Q!! Also Lore. My faves are always trash, loving Data asmuch as I do is very unusual for me.

my “beautifulcinnamon roll who deserves better than this” fave:

D A T A!!

my “this ship iswrong, nasty, and it makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it”ship:

I… can’t think of anything. That’s weird, I usually hitbedrock on Problematic™ ships within the first fifteen minutes and spend therest of the show attempting to dig myself Even Deeper. Uh, does Bruce Maddox’screepily transparent crush on Data count? I think that should count.

my “they’re kind ofcute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested” ship:

TOS: Spirk! It’s a good ship, I enjoy it, they shouldtotally get married, but you won’t catch me lying awake at 3am staring at theceiling and gently weeping to myself over how much I want these dumbmotherfuckers to just kiss already.

TNG: Data/Q. I’m not sure whether or not anyone else shipsit, but watching S03E13 (Deja Q) convinced me that it’d be cute. They both havean outsider’s perspective on humanity, Data’s patient and forgiving enough todeal with Q’s feather-ruffling bullshit and would generally be a calminginfluence on him I think, and if you take lifespan disparity into account thisis probably the least depressing ship for either of them.

[rowdysakura]

Rizumo Week 2017, Day 2 - Embarassment

title: you’re no rock n’ roll fun fandom: Ao no Exorcist / Blue Exorcist characters: Kamiki Izumo, Okumura Rin, Moriyama Shiemi, and a gaggle of OC kids series: all the good in me is because of you (it’s true)

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale deeply and pray to Inari to give her the strength to not punch her second secretary through the wall. It’d be the start of a bad track record, for one. (Although, to be fair, the first one had been a demon impersonating the exorcist that was her first unknown-to-her dead secretary.) For two, Emi isn’t truly the source of her vexation. Thus, it would be entirely unfair to break the young girl’s face.

Izumo covers her face with a single hand, the other resting on her hip as she hangs her head. There’s a long moment as she goes through a couple of more cycles of meditative breathing before she drops both hands to her sides. Her head tilts back to stare up at the ceiling in apparent despair.

“How long have they been here?” she asks, tone full of the tiredness of a war general finally settling into the grave of defeat.

Emi winces sympathetically and gives Izumo’s shoulder a squeeze.

“It’s only been two minutes, it can’t be too bad right?” she answers, cheer in the lines of body and the smile on her face. Even her long brown hair seems cheerful in the way it bobs as she nods encouragingly.

Her smile is a lie, however. Izumo knows this down to her very bones. She’s done this too many times to be fooled. Has watched the light drain from her subordinates eyes, bit by painful bit, as she’s sent them again and again on this mission, a fate worse than death.

(”Never be the one to keep Arc Knight Izumo’s family busy while she’s out,” they whisper around the water cooler. Only when the light is brightest for fear of bringing ill luck, otherwise. “You’ll never come out the same.”)

It is that bad, Izumo knows. Her red eyes pierce brown and find nothing--Emi is dead inside already. Which is why she’s meeting Izumo outside her subordinates’ shared office space and not Izumo’s own. Emi’s given up. Set them free. Izumo finds herself imagining the carnage that awaits the two of them beyond the ridiculously tall, ridiculously thick double doors.

Izumo sighs. Then straightens, pulling back her shoulders and tilting her chin up. If she is going to walk into hell then she is going in proud and unbroken.

Decision made, Izumo strides forward. Emi trails behind her superior. Her own back unbowed, as well. Izumo will remember her fondly.

Grasping a handle, Izumo pulls open the wooden door. Internally, she braces for screaming both wild, victorious and low, despairing kinds; for seeing her subordinates, good exorcists the lot of them, spread among their desks, slumping lifelessly like forgotten debris; for the horde held precariously within to come rushing towards her the moment she’s noticed. She does not brace, instead, for silence.

Only just realizing she has closed her eyes, Izumo cautiously cracks a single one open.

“SURPRISE!”

Izumo’s eyes fly wide open, her hand gripping tightly onto the door handle in shock. Her mouth drops open and all she can do is stare.

There’s a different sort of carnage than what she had expected: confetti, burst across the office upon her entrance, a banner strung from the ceiling declaring “Happy Birthday, Kamiki Izumo (Mom)!”, and a ridiculously large cake behind the whole group. There were screams but all of delight and cheer. Not a single one of horror. Before her stands the horde, her little family of gremlins: children, husband, and wife, grinning wildly in alliance with her coworkers, waiting for her reaction.

“Oh,” murmurs Izumo. It’s all she can seem to get out past the sudden lump in her throat.

It’s enough, however. Emi slips out from behind her to join Izumo’s subordinates while the red-haired twins, Izanagi and Izanami, rush towards their flabbergasted mother. The rest of her children and her spouses follow after at their own paces. The twins collide with her legs before wrapping their arms firmly around them. In unison their grinning faces peer up at Izumo with mismatched eyes.

“Are you--”

“--very surprised?”

“We did our bestest--”

“--to keep it secret!”

Heat begins to creep up her neck as Izumo laughs just a bit nervously before encircling the two in a hug as best she can.

“Oh, yes, very surprised,” she replies, watching her words transform their faces from happy to positively gleeful.

Izumo lets them go, though they remain attached, to draw her next two kids--Shiro and Sadako--into an embrace. They’re older than the twins. Twelve and ten and already standing at her shoulder. Sadako presses her face into Izumo’s neck while Shiro leans up to a plant a shameless kiss on her cheek. Izumo ruffles his hair in retaliation, smiling as he squawks.

“Mother, I worked all day on that!”

“It was a beautiful mohawk,” Izumo allows. Smile turning into a smirk as Shiro protests that he’s ‘not beautiful, oh my god.’  “But, you know the rules, kisses get smushes.”

Shiro pouts, whining, “I’ve never heard of that.”

“Are you sure that’s not a made-up rule, mom?” asks Sadako, in turn.

“Oh, no, it’s definitely a real rule. I was there when she put it into the official lawbook,” assures Aiko as she comes up and manages to encircle her siblings and mother in one huge hug. Only fifteen and she’s already as tall as her father. It brings a spark of prideful envy to Izumo, as her eldest leans in to press their foreheads together. “Happy birthday, Mom.”

Before Izumo can say anything (though she doubts she could’ve, that lump seems to have grown several sizes in just a span of seconds), Izanami yelps excitedly, “She’s very surprised!”

The six of them break into laughs drawing apart just as Rin and Shiemi arrive, bringing up the rear.

“Really? I was worried you would figure it out and be all grumpy about it,” admits Rin, his grin unwavering.

Shiemi slaps him lightly on the arm before stepping forward and grasping Izumo’s hands, “What Rin means to say is that while we know you don’t particularly care to celebrate your birthday...so we hope this is okay.”

“A-and! If you don’t like it we don’t have to do this ever again,” assures Rin quickly, looking ready to take cover behind Shiemi.

“We just want to show you how much we appreciate you, is all,” finishes Aiko, giving her mother’s shoulder a soft squeeze. Sadako, Shiro, Izanami and Izanagi all give chorusing agreements.

The seven of them give her such hopeful looks that Izumo almost feels scared to breathe. She does, somehow. Past the tightness and the lump.

“Heh, well,” begins Izumo, licking her lips and swallowing. Her eyes avert to the ground. “What am I supposed to say to that? Especially, with those puppy dog looks that I’m pretty sure I banned...Of, course I like it. Thank you, very, very much for caring so much about me.”

“C’mon, bring it in!” Izumo calls, keeping her head down even as she raises her arms.

“Group hug!” shriek the twins.

Shiro gulps, “Two hugs in one day? Is this the end--ow, Sadako!”

“Get in here already.”

“I’m so glad you liked it! Just wait until you taste the cake I made your favorite kind.”

“I made sure he didn’t go too overboard on the sweetness factor, too,” Aiko adds, squeezing into the hug from behind. “And Shiemi brewed some mean tea.”

“We did--”

“--the presents!” 

“I’m the one who came up with the plan! Your secretary helped too, I guess.”

At that, Izumo weakly rubs her knuckles into her eldest son’s black hair, forcing out, “I-it was you who conspired to give me a conniption, then, huh?”

Her eyes burn and she can’t seem to draw in enough air. A small tremble runs through the purple-haired woman’s frame and Izumo draws her family in tighter with a shaky inhale. Her family’s voices buzz around her, almost lost in  the background drone of her cheerful colleagues.

I haven’t been fair to them, she thinks, remembering many birthdays passed by with ‘abrupt’ long-term, out of country exorcism missions that she simply ‘couldn’t’ pass up or flat out refusal to participate in anything more extravagant than a nice dinner at home, sans presents. Even now, she can feel the urge to brush them off and flee. The urge to hide away from the day that had only ever served to remind her mother how much she hadn’t wanted Izumo. 

(I wish I’d never given birth to you!)

Shame bubbles up inside Izumo. Only to be smothered by the sheer overwhelming amount of love pouring from her family to her. She hugs them tighter still, a sniffle breaking from her.

Shiemi gasps, “Izumo! Are you crying?”

Her family pulls back in concern, Rin spluttering, “N-now, don’t you start! If you start cr...crying then I...I...I will too!”

He really does start blubbering, waterworks, soft sniveling, snot and all, sending the twins off into whimpers. Aiko pats Rin’s back in faint amusement while Sadako worriedly gathers up Izanagi and Izanami to shush them. Beside his two mothers, Shiro stands stiffly. His arms raised in apparent surrender and eyes so wide he looks like he might faint at any second.

“I’m not crying!” protests Izumo in a sharp whisper. She attempts to point an accusatory finger in Rin’s direction. It’s rather difficult, however, when Shiemi holds onto her hands firmly. Supposedly, in attempt to calm her. “I-I’m just real-real-really happy!”

“See? Happy crying, happy crying, no need for you two to go weeping too!” Sadako all but wails in the background.

“I’m g-glad!” sobs out Rin.

Izumo chokes out, “Stop yelling!”

It’s too late, however, the damage has been done. The victim of carnage Izumo had been expecting earlier, namely dignity, has come at last. She just never thought it would be hers.

“Stop looking! Get back to work, you heathens!” Izumo shouts at her subordinates. They all stare back at her with an odd mix of well-trained fear and bemused bewilderment in their gaze. If Izumo hadn’t been ready for funeral drums before she certainly is now.

“But we haven’t even had cake yet!” objects Emi from the crowd, looking quite put out.

“She’s right. You haven’t opened presents either. How about we take care of that and then they can go back to work afterwards,” soothes Shiemi, sounding all too reasonable and polite.

Izumo can only stare at her wife with watery eyes, betrayed.

“Oooh, yes, don’t you two want cake? You only get cake if you stop crying, though!”

The tears drain away immediately to be replaced by near battle cries.

“Cake!” shrieks Izanagi.

“I want cake!” demands Izanami.

Grinning the sort of mad grin that possesses those who’ve just scraped by death, Sadako jogs away with the twins in arm, shouting, “Alright! Cake for everyone!”

A cheer goes up from the crowd at her declaration, followed by ever more raucous orders for only the biggest, most icing-est pieces of cake from the two twins.

Aiko hums. One more pat to her father’s back and she’s striding over to the still frozen Shiro. She hooks an arm about him and starts to drag him away, musing aloud, “I could definitely go for some cake. How about you, Shiro?”

Indescribable mumbles are the only response she receives. 

“Good enough,” declares the eldest Kamiki-Okumura cheerily, steering them towards the front of the growing line. 

Shiemi and Izumo watch them go. Shiemi faintly amused. Izumo falling somewhere to between mortification and glassy eyed acceptance. When they glance back at each other, Shiemi’s smile softens. Gently, she dabs at Izumo’s eyes, drying them.

“Let’s go eat, alright?”

Izumo doesn’t nod, or make a noise of agreement, but she doesn’t resist Shiemi’s tug towards the promising, if diminishing, cake. A sort of smile is even managing to creep onto her face. Sure, she’s certainly going to be a laughing stock around her office for a while but for once she’s pleased and happy on her birthday. With her family no less!  Snide marks around the office aren’t anything a little iron fist ruling can’t fix. If she ever comes off this endorphin high, that is. She might not even care--

“Aaah, I love you guys so much!”

Izumo and Shiemi don’t even get a chance to run before they’re lifted off their feet by one--no longer sobbing but still deliriously overcome with emotion--Rin. 

“I love you too, Rin,” returns Shiemi serenely. A faint blush spreading across her cheeks. Quite oppositely, Izumo writhes, claws, and howls like a trapped, wild animal.

“We love you too, Dad!” chorus all their children at once. More than one voice muffled through cake.

Izumo slumps in Rin’s arms. They’re out to kill her. Honestly, truly. Through kindness.

“Shameless! All of you are shameless!”

notes: honestly hope to explain this with subsequent stories but for now here’s a rough guide.

Izumo had Aiko when she was 22. Izumo, Rin, and Shiemi are all 37 in this fic. The rest of the children were adopted at various points. Shiemi became a part of the marriage (although not officially recognized) around the time Shiro was adopted.

Aiko is a carbon copy of her mother Izumo, bc manga genetics, with her father’s build, quarter demon, does not appear to have her father’s flames. Wears her hair ridiculously long. They don’t think she’s ever cut it, not even once. Training to be an exorcist, possibly dragoon.

Shiro is a brown haired and brown-eyed human. His hair pretty shaggy, he tries to do mohawks and fails spectacularly. Hasn’t decided whether he wants to be a cook or rockstar.

Sadako is also human. Currently, she has black hair but she eventually starts dying it blonde like her mother Shiemi. Blue eyes. Loves dressing up. Practicing to become a professional kickboxer. 

Izanagi and Izanami are half demons that can teleport and communicate telepathically with one another. They have small horns hidden by their red hair and red and green eyes (ones red and ones blue, for both of them). They’re about 3 here. Both have an unstoppable sweet tooth and sensitivity to other’s emotions.