#have no clue how to put color in text on tumblr so live with this

[clownboymcchucklefuck]

Colored Gaze: Simon is the LI that knows everything about MC.

Yall buckle up for this one its a little all over the place💀

It has been mentioned a few times that there is a LI in Colored Gaze that knows everything about MC and although I've nearly lost my mind trying to figure out who it is, I think I have the answer.

We can go ahead and check Zachary off the list to being the LI. It was said that during the demo is the first time Zachary has met us and that one of the other ones have known us ever since they moved into town. Putting our options to Seth or Simon.

I'll be honest, I was going to make this theory about Simon AND Seth and anaylze the proof between the two but looked at the bigger picture and decided to change it to just Simon since he has the most proof. 

Now this is where reading all 972 posts on the C.C comes into play.

It has been hinted at many times that Simon has known MC longer than just in the demo so there's already a bit of proof that Simon is that LI since he's known them for longer than anybody else.

Theres a few more but it literally takes me 20 minutes just to find one post so take this. 💀

That post can also align with this post:

Take note that both of them include "love them no matter what" and I'm pretty sure these were posted close to each other which could give more clues of it being Simon to.

This post is kinda what confirmed that it was Simon for me and I can even use the process of elimination for this.

It can't be Zachary because its been stated that Zachary has never met MC before the demo, the demo was the first time Zachary ever saw MC.

It can't be Seth because if pushed to the point by MC then he'd [SPOILERY THING I WILL NOT MENTION]. Seth is also the only LI that would be okay with breaking up with MC.

I would also like to take a flash to the past (?) and bring up this art that was posted on the tumblr and twitter:

Now honestly, and what I think most people may have assumed is that this was just a little wholesome drawing of Simon, right? Well I think there's more to it and the main thing that caught my attention was the art style to me. 

It kinda reminds me of the devs old artstyle:

So I think this was one of the old drawings of the actual first time Simon ever saw MC.

I could just be analyzing the art to much so I'll give you some other stuff to think about.

You might need some more proof that Simon has known MC longer than just the demo so I raise you this; Simons job. We all know Simon works as a delivery driver so it's more than likely he's seen MC before around town since they all live in a small town.

Seth Argument:

But alas the most confusing part of this for me is that Seth also has some proof for being the LI that knows everything about MC which makes things more difficult.

If I remember somewhere on the C.C somebody asked how the boys would react to finding out MC works for the government/FBI and Seth's mentioned something about "He would be surprised that he didn't find that out while researching MC" and me and Kam have theorized before that Seth might have something to do with the government so he might have access to more information than the normal person. I'll talk more about this in my Seth theory but Seth's intelligence could help him with alot of things such as stuff like finding out information about people.

Seth also has some proof from the C.C as well:

"I already knew what I signed up for beforehand" implying that he might know stuff about MC before dating them.

There was also another ask where somebody asked for the boys reaction to MC texting them that they were at the hospital with the police and to eat dinner without them and Seth's answer really caught my attention because it mentioned that he already knew what hospital MC was at. This could be implying he's the LI or that he's just a stalker.

Simon's Song Playlist:

There's obviously hints to what the LI's are like especially since the dev even said there are hints to how the LI feels about MC or how they met. 

Simons playlist was kinda hard to decipher not gonna lie but I did notice alot of songs and lyrics about being a hopless romantic so yeah, Simon is a hopeless romantic for MC.

There's also this part that caught my attention too:

Now this gives obvious vibes and references to Simon first meeting/seeing MC for the first time.

There were also a few that had a little possessive lyrics and some about what I assume is Simon wanting MC to trust him. And of course some ones implying that Simon was hiding a deep secret. :)

Hints from the demo:

Theres also of course this scene that caught my attention along with another one because I be making sure I pay attention to those subtle hints 💪

Simon was obviously about to say something but was then interrupted by MC's phone call. My first initial guess was something like "I love you" maybe and then after he would probably correct himself or say he didn't mean it like that. That could work because bro is no thoughts head empty (?) and since he's a hopeless romantic would probably say something like that on accident without thinking.

Shoutout to @mysticnebula for saving my sanity and screen recording this scene for me 💪

Something I noticed is that during Seth's route in the demo it mentions that MC forgets to put on their name tag whenever they get ready. However in this scene Simon already calls MC by their name before looking at the clipboard or them telling him their name which gives even more proof to him knowing them before the demo takes place.

There's also of course the walk home scene that it is beyond a doubt that Simon (?) Is the one following us.

We all thought that Zachary was the one at the window but this basically confirms that its NOT Zachary. And it can't be Seth either because even in the route that we don't meet Seth we still get followed and we still see somebody watching us from outside the window. Technically, Simon is the only one you have to deal with throughout the demo if you choose the right options.

It would also make sense for Simon to be the only one that knows where we live because of his job. Or it could just be him (?) following us home.

Theres obviously going to be alot more hints in the next update so we'll just have to wait for that. Until then we can only go off of these little clues and hints here and there :)

_______________

This theory may be a little all over the place because this is the first time my Host alter is writing and posting the theory but I hope its good 😭

TAG TIME: Simon belongs to @clrdgaze @dont-wannadothis-anymore

[0junemeatcleaver0]

Anonsense: A Deconstruction of a Bad Faith Argument

I honestly don't know why I'm even posting this. Will it be helpful for people who don't know how to immediately clock a bad faith argument? The people pleasers who might feel compelled to answer every anon no matter what? I hope so.

Do I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet after being woken up at 4am because I forgot to silence my phone only to see this bullshit after living through the most stressful week of my fucking life?? Also yes.

Whatever. At best this is a learning moment, at worst it's an opportunity to point and laugh at someone who thinks they deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for failing at being real pussy cunt-cunt in a stranger's inbox.

I am confused. You haven't watched the show but you hate the show...? Correct! You can, in fact, hate a thing you've only gotten a taste of. I saw the trailer (you know, the thing networks release to get you interested in a show?) and didn't care for what they were doing. That opinion was only cemented when I saw the ridiculous clip of Louis chasing a fucking goat around.

Something fans of colour especially black fans talk of so enthusiastically and fondly? You're right, VC fans of color are all a monolith and all enjoy the show. And the fact that I--a rando white person--hate the show is mortally wounding to them all. This is in no way infantalizing to fans of color, to imply that I somehow have enough power as some random person to ruin their good time by making posts about how silly I think this show is--posts I don't tag so that fans of the show don't have to see them.

And these fans aren't always show onlies. I know. I've talked to a few of them. They seem nice.

Idk if this ask is going to come off as bait Yes you do. You absolutely know that. And if you didn't know that, that was your clue to go back to the drawing board re: how to phrase what you meant in a good faith way.

-think of it as you will How kind of you. Thanks for the permission.

but this...you realize this comes off as some type of way, don't you? Only to the people who are actively looking to be upset, yes. And I don't care about those people. They are not of my concern.

You have had an ask that you published where the anon says they don't care that "certain demographics" of people are loving AMC. That's very very sus. 'Very very sus'. Am I suddenly on Twitter? Anyway. You do realize that book-only fans are constantly accused of belittling all show fans no matter what we say, right? That it's much more likely that anon said "certain demographics" meaning "the fraction loud, obnoxious fans who will accuse you of being immoral for not liking the show" and "people who never read the books and have nothing to compare it to" and not as some dogwhistle to mean "fans of the global majority", right? Also, my memory is shit. I may have used that phrase and if so, see the above reasoning for why I used it but also if I didn't: Why am I being held accountable for a random person's choice of wording?? I'm not anon's mom.

I don't particularly care if you answer or not. I'm sure. That's why you wrote an essay in my inbox. To not get a response.

If you block. I did. Fuck outta here.

I just had to put it there. Did you? What was the goal in this? Do you even know?

Maybe this is rude as per tumblr etiquettes. It's pretty rude regardless, but hey what do I know. I'm no Emily Post.

But this was just so odd as I am new to both the book and show fandom and while going through blogs I found yours So what I'm hearing is you're missing a lot of context for what's been going on around here and you've not realized that, is what I'm hearing. And you're either purposefully ignoring of didn't wait to find the many, many posts I've made detailing why I personally think the show is bad, why I think the white cishet frat bro turned wanna be auteur showrunner is doing a bad job of including characters of color in the text, the reblogs of fans of color who have brought up similar points, etc?

Stretch before you reach this hard, anon.

[verstarppen]

Hi, probably a random and stupid question but how did you get that gradient effect on your text? Above all how did you get this different kind of color? Because I have been stuck with the basic colors of tumblr and it is driving me insane. Thank you in advance for even reading this!

xo - soylando

hi, friend! the question's not stupid at all! but the process is kind of tedious and it boils my blood so prepare yourself🙏

you pick two colors for the gradient and use this really awesome site that gives you the html code directly so you don't have to do it manually letter by letter. just make sure you copy the html and not the bbcode one because im an idiot and i did that the first time

go to the gear icon on your post and scroll to the text editor part after which you switch from rich text to html:

it's going to jumpscare the living devils out of you to see the code dw we're all there with you. paste everything you copied:

then you switch to the little preview section with the eye icon to make sure everything is working and you're good to go!

the non-default colors are a bigger pain so get ready <3

after picking your silly color and copying its hex code (which i do with photoshop but there's a color wheel site that let's you do it online) you go to your silly text and put:

<p><span style="color: # yourcolor">your text</span></p>

like this:

don't ask me what any of this means im begging you i have no clue i just know <p> is for paragraph and i chose to live in ignorance

if everything is correct (make sure you don't put any space in places where it shouldn't be because that's also tripped me up before) the text should be the color you set it to like this:

in case none of this made any sense and you need a better visualization of the process here's a youtube video i found that shows everything

hope this helped and i wish you a great rest of your day 🫶

[daemoninfluff]

(really bad) Her Sweet Kiss analysis

So, I really wanted to analyze Her Sweet Kiss but since the last time I needed to analyze anything is like five (5) years ago I ask you to bear my bad takes. I also have to say I read the song text and listened to it so often I sometimes forgot it’s from The Witcher and I just hope y’all can put yourself in that position cause for this bad analysis here y’all need to.

“The fairer sex, they often call it

but her love’s as unfair as a crook”

At the beginning I thought this first sentence would be the most easiest one of the whole text, but I assure you, I was wrong. “The fairer sex” clearly refers to woman in general and “they” are the people at large. “[H]er love’s as unfair” - at this point I wanna point out I love the fair-unfair relation used here – with this the author or also the protagonist wants to show us how, different to how women are normally shown as, this woman’s love is, how this specific’s woman’s feelings aren’t in good intentions. “[U]nfair as a crook”, a rouge one, a thief – that information is more one for me, since I haven’t heard the word “crook” before all this, okay? It seems to hind on this woman’s love being something she took from someone else, as if it wasn’t her own.

“It steals all my reason

Commits any treason

of logic, with naught but a look”

Here the protagonist firstly appears, possibly the self-inserted author in our case. “It” probably refers to “her love”, so the love is it that takes away all their “reason”. It betrays their “logic”, their thinking and decision making, with simply a gaze. In this moment we can only assume the protagonist is in love with the woman but she plays with their feelings, maybe comes near just to move away when the protagonist is finally sure she would stay.

“A storm is breaking on the horizon

of longing and heartbreak and lust”

“A storm” clearly refers to feelings, in this case “longing”, “heartbreak and lust”. Not too complicated to understand, right? Here we can still assume the protagonist is talking about their feelings for the woman and how their feelings for her will never be acknowledged in the way they want to. “[L]onging and heartbreak” in this case shows us how the feelings the protagonist has aren’t just in a sexual sense, how they want more out of this, but “lust” shows they also feel a want for something sensual, sexual. Since it is “breaking on the horizon” we can assume it just started, maybe isn’t even there yet. So maybe the feelings are already there and the protagonist only realizes them now, or they are new.

“She’s always bad news

it’s always lose lose”

This shows more how the protagonist feels about the woman. She is “bad news” and everything that’s connected to her seems to end poorly for the protagonist. There is no good outcome when it relates to her, in no possible context, “always lose lose”. Here we can assume the protagonist’s feelings for the woman aren’t really that lovely, aren’t as we assume in the parts that came before this.

“So tell me love, tell me love

how is that just”

Here we realize the woman isn’t the love interest, or is the protagonist speaking to love itself? I rather don’t think so. The protagonist speaks to someone they call “love”, asking them how it is “just”, fair, for the woman to act like that, to love in an “unfair” way. We may get in more depths with this here in a later part.

“But the story is this

She’ll destroy with her sweet kiss, her sweet kiss”

Let’s come to the refrain (we will only discuss this once since it isn’t changing). The woman’s kiss is “sweet”, but she “destroy[s]” with it. As we by now know the protagonist probably isn’t the one getting kissed, so we can assume it is the love who is. Since these kisses do “destroy” - we can’t be sure about what exactly – we at least know they aren’t wanted from at least one of these three persons, are maybe even feared or at least rejected. “[T]he story” is, that through whoever she is kissing she is destroying something else with it, possibly a relationship, probably the one between the protagonist and whom they call “love”.

“Her current is pulling you closer

and charging the hot, humid night”

Sure, you could assume the “you” is referring to anyone in general but I like to think it is about the protagonist’s love (maybe here my The Witcher wants come through lol). So, the woman’s power, maybe meaning her beauty, her confidence, the wanting she streams out is meant by that, is taking the love in. “[C]harging the hot, humid night”,,, I don’t think I needa say any more about that part? The love is pulled in by the woman’s ,,, how do you say that in english, someone needa help me out here, I would call it the feeling of the moment of Geralt leaving the swamp in ep. 1. Yea.

“The red sky at dawn is giving a warning, you fool

better stay out of sight”

This part really depends. In my opinion, if you read this together it seems as if the protagonist is talking to himself, the moment someone calls themself a fool for what they’re feeling even though they know – or should know – it isn’t worth it. But if it were two parts I would say the first one is told to the love and the second is what the protagonist is recommending for themself, to “better stay out of sight”, to not come between the woman and the love. The “red sky” could refer to love, but at least for sexual feelings, or maybe also hate, depending on who the message is meant for. Either it means the love is getting attached to the woman, or maybe that the protagonist’s feelings for the love are making things problematic for them.

“I’m weak my love and I am wanting

If this is the path I must trudge

I welcome my sentence

give to you my penance

Garroter, jury and judge”

Here I thing it’s the moment to clearly understand the woman isn’t the protagonist’s love interest and love is a person in itself. The protagonist is “weak” and “wanting” for their love, but they seem to know that it can never be. They say if their love can never be they will live with it, will “welcome [their] sentence”, let their fine be determined by their love. “Garroter, jury and judge” shows how their love is all three, what kills him, what judges over his sentence and what is choosing his punishment.

As we now found out the song’s story is about someone who is in love, but who’s love is together – or at least likes someone – who’s love doesn’t seem to be good for them – or maybe also bad for both of them.

Now we come to the context of the song to the series. At first I thought there might be two possible takes, it either being about Jask’s feelings towards Geralt and Yenn or the elf’s feelings towards them. Meanwhile I realized the second doesn’t make any sense, since Jask has no feelings for the elf and if it was about the elf’s feelings it wouldn’t refer to Yenn as the one with “unfair” love. Unless we wouldn’t take love as a person, in that case it could work, but as much as we know Jask doesn’t even know the elf loves/loved Yenn.

(Gods, I hate writing analysis, why do I do this again? Also it’s nearly 5 am and I need to work later lol.)

In conclusion, there is no other explanation but the text being about Jaskier’s love to Geralt, unless Jas has fallen in love with someone else on their way and that person fell for someone else – and let’s be serious, the only person Jask has deep contact with, as much as we know, is Geralt. Everyone else he meets, maybe sleeps with, and let’s go afterwards.

I would write more but I realized it would be intelligent of me to go to bed now, before Mica is k*lling me.

[danieco]

check in tag ✅ (Thank you, @chaosmax!!)

1. why did you choose your url?

It’s a partial mashup of two of my names that sounds a bit like a company: “Danie Co.” It’s my Brand™ (facetious) 

2. any side blogs? if you have them name them and why you have them?

Yes, an RP blog @dubmiho and @daniecho, a catch-all for non-YGO reblogs and occasional silly text posts about my life

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Hard to say, I’ve used Tumblr on and off for years just as a way to collect posts that I liked. I started actually participating in fandom (making and reblogging posts) last December, so like seven months?

4. do you have a queue tag?

Yes, “queue-gi-oh”

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

Surface level answer: I got back into YGO somehow, was having a LOT of thoughts and needed somewhere to put them. Realer answer: I think the timing with the pandemmy isn’t coincidental. The Atlantic ran an article months ago about how people were mourning the loss of relationships they didn’t realize they had, the outer circle of acquaintances that populated their lives and they saw regularly but didn’t really know. Tumblr I think kind of fills that niche with convos in the tags, etc.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I honestly don’t know, it’s not even my favorite color. I guess it felt like a quick, neutral thing? Also with the first header I had (a manga panel of Jou going “Hmmmm”), in dashboard view it kind of looked like he was blowing bubblegum and getting concerned he let the bubble get too big. 

7. why did you choose your header?

My header will probably always be some manga panel of Jounouchi, haha. He’s the boy! I was actually a Kaiba stan for like, my first decade of liking YGO. No clue how Jou totally took over this go around, but I’m having a blast. 

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

Definitely a Kaiba joke I tossed off and almost didn’t post because I thought it was “too Tumblr”. Someone I used to follow for feminist film criticism (who I never would have guessed even knew what YGO was) reblogged it at one point, and seeing it on my dash from her was the most bizarre experience I’ve had on here for sure. 

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I honestly don’t know, but this question stresses me out because I recently unfollowed a lot of blogs so I’d spend less time on here and I know some were mutuals. I know the cool kids are always reblogging the “I don’t care how many followers I have/who unfollows me” posts but I still feel bad doing it. :( It feels like not waving anymore to someone you regularly pass in the hallway at work. Minor, but still a bummer. 

10. how many followers do you have?

200, it’s baby blog hours over here always

11. how many people do you follow?

Around 50

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

I’ve made a lot of dumb jokes (affectionate) but I’m not sure any qualify as an actual shitpost. People may think of my super spy Tristan post but I was being entirely sincere!! Sincere, thank you!

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

God, I don’t even want to think about it. I love you but I hate you, my little dopamine-boosting trap. (This is why I try to follow as few people as possible, so I run out of posts on my dash more quickly.)

14. did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

No, but I’m pretty quick to just mute blogs by blacklisting their names if I see them being rude to someone or if their posts don’t Spark Joy for me.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

Opposed; I understand that’s coming out of a passionate desire to help but frankly (time for a HOT TAKE) I think a majority of the Tumblr activism I see is underinformed and/or ineffectual anyway. 

16. do you like tag games?

Yes!! It’s fun to get to know people

17. do you like ask games?

Yes again!! Same reason. Give me all your opinions. I want to know. Tumblr is like a fin-de-siecle Parisian salon except all our opinions on life, love, art and politics are filtered through a YGO lens (i.e., incredible and inherently entertaining)

18. which of your tumblr mutuals do you think is famous?

This question made me feel old because I immediately thought “What, a secret celebrity is incognito on YGO Tumblr?” But this probably means like, who has the most followers. I know of at least one with a solid following but YGO is such a small fandom it’s hard to feel like anyone’s really “famous”

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Maybe a LITTLE and it’s extra silly because a) we hardly talk and b) she might be straight I don’t actually know HAHA it is mostly just for cute fun. I can have a little pandemmy parasocial summer crush, as a treat

20. tags?

I’d love to see anyone do it! Tag me back if you do, I’d love to see them (seriously!! say hello!)

[honesthammie]

Get to know me!

Part 1

Nickname: Kim, Kimmy, K, Kimbo, Kimberlina

Zodiac: Scorpio

Height: No clue but I'd say middle range of 5 foot.

Hogwarts house: proudly Hufflepuff (I took the pottermore test 5 times got slytherin once but Huffle puff 4 times)

Last thing I googled: binary to text translator (I was interested in what one of the dogs toys said as it was a bunch of 1 and 0 on it, turns out a bunch of jibber jabber but I was curious)

Song stuck in my head: Axolotl song by Dream

Number of followers:

Amount of sleep: depends on when I sleep. Can range from 4-12 hours.

Lucky number: 25

Dream job: Dog Groomer

Wearing: a blue shirt that says "an angel of the Lord Castiel" with black wings on it and black and white tracksuit bottoms and lion King socks.

Favourite instrument: I love violins but I personally am a singer on a performance course at university

Spotify or SoundCloud? 

Soundcloud at a push but I mainly use YouTube music

is your room messy or clean?

Not really messy per say, it looks it as its a small room but only mess there are: wires, dirty clothes and a fuck ton of dog fur on floor coz am lazy and haven't hoovered in a while

what color are your eyes?

Blue

do you like your name? why?

Nope. It's too long for me to write my full name down. The boxes and shit are too small for my 25 letters in total full name...

what is your relationship status? 

Single

describe your personality in 3 words or less

Fucked up

what color hair do you have?

Black to dark brown ombre (went that way for pups birthday 8th August)

what kind of car do you drive? color?

I don't drive yet but hoping to soon

where do you shop?

All over...wherever there's deals but mainly Tescos for food and primark/Shein for clothes

how would you describe your style?

All over. I like Gothic punk mainly but that costs more than I believe I am worth but I mainly wear casual fandom shirts and skinny jeans.

favorite social media account

Youtube and Tumblr

what size bed do you have? 

Single cabin bed where I store all my make up (that I hardly wear coz I have no idea how to do anything other than lipstick) and my perfumes and bodymists.

any siblings?

0 human

2 doggie bros

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

Japan coz its awesome

favorite snapchat filter? 

Anything gothicy or the question ones

favorite makeup brand(s)

I don't really care tbh

how many times a week do you shower?

Once a week with my hair coz I heard that is best for it and whenever I feel disgusting or I really need to get in for my body so like twice a week minium although sometimes my depression persuades me to only go in once a week and I know that's not hygienic but it does affect me sometimes. I'll also get in more often if my body hurts or if I'm too hot or too cold to get my body at the right temperature.

favorite tv show?

Doctor who and Supernatural

shoe size?

Flat shoes/sandals: 5 1/2

Trainers/converse: 6

Dockers/boots:6 1/2

sandals or sneakers? 

Sneakers

do you go to the gym? 

No but I wanna

describe your dream date

Its an all day sorta date.

Starts at like 10 in the morning and we get a maccas breakfast in casual outfits. Then we go shopping, not necessarily for clothes but for games and or movies, maybe even some pet stuff. Then it's like 1 in afternoon so we get KFC for dinner. Then we go separate ways for a few hours to get ready for the fancy part of the date. It goes to around 5 and we go to a fancier restaurant and then we go to whatever the nearest big event is, if there is one or we just go to the movies.

how many pillows do you sleep with?

2

do you have a job? what do you do? 

No

how many friends do you have? 

4

whats the worst thing you have ever done? 

Bit someone and made em bleed

whats your favorite candle scent? 

Anything fruity or sweet

3 favorite boy names

Dalton

Jensen

Rossi

3 favorite girl names

Ciel

Vanessa

Stella

favorite actor? 

Misha Collins

favorite actress? 

Used to be Evanna Lynch but Jodie Whittaker is amazing!

who is your celebrity crush?

Jodie Whittaker and Misha Collins

favorite movie? 

Oh god I can't decide so imma put sub categories to make it easier

Disney: Brother bear

Dreamworks: how to train your dragon

Non Disney animated: last unicorn

Musical: Oliver!

Action: Knight and Day

Adventure: Bridge to Terabithia

Comedy: 17 again

Fantasy: Harry Potter

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? 

Yes, Devon the worlds naughtiest dog

money or brains? 

Brains

how many times have you been to the hospital?

Personally for my own needs: 4/5 times?

To visit others: way too many times

top 10 favourite songs:

One for sorrow by Steps

Viva la radio by Lolly

Bad bitch by Bebe Rexa

Team 6 by vanoss crew

Murder on the dancefloor by Sophie Ellis Bexter

Poison by Alice Cooper

Hypnotized by Set it Off

The ballad of Mono Lisa by Panic! At the Disco

The sound of drums by Chameleon Circuit

Stranger things have happened by Random Encounters

do you take any medications daily? 

Nope

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

Kinda dry not gonna lie

what is your biggest fear? 

Having no one left and being so alone

how many kids do you want? 

Maybe 1 of each but fuck the painful part nope. Imma adopt plus I skip the nappy parts.

whats your go to hair style?

Everyday is just down but sometimes I put in a high pony, half up half down pony, pig tails/bunches/twin tails, half up half down of pig tails

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) 

I live in a small house

who is your role model? 

Evanna Lynch just look her up and everything she's been through

what was the last compliment you received?

I can't remember it's been a while

what was the last text you sent?

What time can I come down?

I was asking about time to see my best mate whose like a sister

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

8 coz I heard my parents arguing over where to put the presents but I continued to fake it for a few years until they told me coz I thought it made them happy. They still dint know that I heard em

[chubbybeaver77]

LILY OF FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE: ALL SCENES MASTER ANALYSIS [PART 1/2]

The Lily flowers, in particular, the yellow lilies, is one of the main themes of Final Fantasy 7 Remake. Before Remake, Lily was considered only a symbol of Aerith. However, Remake has sort of given it another name and another meaning, the Reunion Flower. So now, Lily dually represents both Aerith and Reunion. 

Throughout Remake Part 1, the image of Lily was emphasized on multiple occasions and it carries either a message or a symbol each time. In this post, I will explain the meaning and message of Lily in every close-up shots and will divide them into 2 sections: Aerith and Reunion.

PART 1: LILY - AERITH GAINSBOROUGH - LIFE SYMBOL -THE FATE OF AERITH 

Flowers, in general, symbolize Aerith Gainsborough. What is the purpose of flowers? Flowers adorn and colorize our life making our life more beautiful and positive. In Remake, Aerith is portrayed the same way, bright and positive. She always carries a smile and supports others like Cloud, Tifa, Wedge etc when they feel down. Flowers mean beauty. Aerith means the bright side of life. Despite Aerith’s misfortuned fate in Final Fantasy VII, she will always represent Life as much as her tragic death represents Death. That's the direction Remake is going for.

I’ve heard enough fans speculating that Aerith will survive this time because Destiny is no longer fixed. Yes, it is possible narratively at this point but it seems people are neglecting the Visual Story of the game. Usually, the visual story will reveal the truth without spelling it out to us. Like words to literature, images are the storytelling device of movies (I compare the cutscenes of Remake with a movie because of the high quality it delivered. Also, Square Enix is a professional in movie making. They have made at least 3 movies as far as I know and right now an animation show).So, let’s examine the representations of Lily for Aerith. These shots are from the opening of the game.

The first image of Lily in Remake is a dried and wilted Lily. It is a contrast between the lifeless - the villains and the lively - Aerith to show how important and beautiful Aerith is compared to the bad.

We all know the flower is dead because of what Shinra has done to the planet by sucking up and using Lifestream. It’s the literal meaning, but it also symbolizes how the bad forces will impact Life - Aerith. If you are still in doubt, let’s move on the next shot.

This is a significant detail that is added from the opening of Final Fantasy VII and they don’t add it in for no reason. Just by the image, it could mean the coldness of Midgar residents but that idea was never expressed throughout the game. Actually, even Shinra’s employees are portrayed as innocent people who are ignorant of what they are doing to the planet by working for Shinra. They are not mean people. So, that possibility is eliminated. The only meaning we have left here is the misfortuned fate of Aerith. When she picked up the flower, the screen displayed Aerith staring into the screen, not blinking once. It symbolizes the fearlessness, courage, and determination of Aerith to face her fate. She is one tough flower.

Later near the end of the game, the flower was focused one more in Aerith’s hand, we had this image:

In Language of flowers, Aerith was sad and pessimistic when she became serious and dropped her cheery mask briefly.

A bonus aftermath message, did you notice these focuses on Lily? A close-up shot of the Aerith putting the flower on the left side of Cloud’s chest where his heart is. And, pretty much every shot after that until Cloud gave Tifa the flower, no matter what position he is in, they make sure the flower is shown on the screen. I include some examples here but you should replay this part for yourself to see how conspicuous it is. Their choice of direction here serves 2 purposes:

It draws your attention to Lily and shows you how important this flower will mean to the whole story. “Reunion” as Aerith told you immediately before she gave it to Cloud. They are telling the audience to remember this flower and its meaning! There were no “lovers” mentioned in the Japanese original dialogue. The translation narrowed the meaning of Lily and it is a sign of bad translation (they probably did it on purpose). Always remember Japanese dialogue is the ORIGINAL SOURCE written by Nojima himself. No matter what the translations are approved, if you want to do a real analysis on texts, it’s the golden rule to go to the original material because not everything can be translated precisely. Wording means a lot especially because SQ used a lot of symbols and indirect messages in this game. Even when the writer himself translates his own work, he might not be able to make it 100% the same as the original.

This sequence also delivers an important message, Aerith is implanting her image in Cloud’s heart. Cloud will always remember Aerith even after she is gone. This idea has been reiterated throughout post-FF7 games/stories.

Are the messages clear here now? Yes. It is very clear which direction the game is heading regarding Aerith’s fate. They never shows any contradiction even once. If you are not familiar with Eastern’s literature, you might not know that a wilted/trampled flower is a classical motif that is frequently employed to symbolize the tragic fate of a woman, usually a beautiful and bright woman. It is nothing new. 

Since the game is not complete yet, I don’t want to be absolute, but this is not a random prediction, more like finding an answer according to the clues we are given from the game. We will see where the game heads later. If they show one thing and mean another thing, I would call that misrepresentation. I am confident that they are professional and they know what they are doing.

==> Please continue your reading of Part 2 here because Tumblr doesn't allow me to add all the images I want in a post.

====> PART 2: LILY - THE REUNION FLOWER 

You can also find my other analysis here:

INTRODUCTION & MASTERPOST

[karsonisnot]

Alright, so imma try just straight text posting the chapters to my tumblr as well, seeming as it seems to work for other people, however i will leave a copy of the link on here so u guys can show some love there if u like.

https://my.w.tt/KeEgwDgCpbb

MiKayla meets Chloe and Belle for the first time after being seperated from the rest of the world almost all her life. Mikayla all of a sudden finds herself back in the old world when they explain everything that has been going on, with one goal. To take down it all.

*DISCLAIMERS*

This is not about the dream smp member, this is a time where they have grown up and had kids, which is told from their perseptive.

This was written in a time where all these people were alive story wise, so fuck it, they all lived to have kids. No, i will not be explaining where the kids come from, but they are related to their respective parent. Im just too lazy to explain it

And in this, TOMMY AND TUBBO ARE JUST FRIENDS. Stop shipping 16 year olds together, and get your life together.

Chapter one: running and hiding

Everything had been diffrent for awhile. Not that anything about chloe's life was normal to begin with, but alot was changing. Her and her family was forced into hiding a long time ago, before the first retakeover happened before she was even born.

   She had been told what had happened countless times, so many it was almost like she lived it. The manburg second rise to power. When her dad stuck around. That was, till Niki got killed in the crossfire of the war. That was when her dad grabbed his best friend and booked it, and ran so far away they would never be found, and built themselves a world out here

  She was broken from her thoughts by a chicken in her room. She didnt really think much of it till she realized there was a chicken in her room

  "What the fu-"

  "NO, GET BACK HERE"

  Her dad ran full force into the room, bewilidered.

  "THERE YOU ARE" He screamed, throwing himself at the chicken, who just dodgedhis attack.

   She fell backwards out of the way, her blond hair blocking anything that happened, until she threw it back into place and saw her dad. On the floor. With a chicken trying to eat his hair.

   She sat there and watched as her dad fought with the chicken over who owned his hair. Eventually he managed to get up and grab the chicken before it could try and flee again.

  He looked at her, and she couldnt hold back her laughter anymore. His hair was an absoulte mess and he looked like he was in extreame disstress.

  "What's so funny, what, do you wanna wrestle a fuckin chicken?" He said, shoving the chicken in her face, just causing it to go more crazy.

  "NO NO NO, I will not be fighting any chicken, thank you, please put the weapon down." She said, swatting it away.

  "Well maybe next time don't get a chicken in your room."

  "Well maybe next time dont let a chicken loose from the pin with the front door open."

  They both heard a muffled laugh come from the hallway, and saw Belle standing there. Her black hair in way better condition then either of theirs.

  "Well, she is right Tommy." She remarked, trying to look innocent.

  At that, Tommy stormed off mumbling profanities at the chicken, and went outside to put it back in its pin.

   Belle walked in and went to the window ledge, after a couple of seconds, Chloe joined her.

   "How are you this morning?"chloe said after watching her dad dump the chicken in the pin.

  "Eh, im pretty good, espically after watching that. You?"

  "Im pretty okay."

  Belle looked over at her, and saw her looking out into the forest.

  "Your thinking about going out there again, arent you?"

  "I mean, maybe."

   Belle looked at her, with a mix of emotion, mainly concern.

  "Come on man, you know thay area is off limits. We cant go out there."

  "I mean, why not? We've done it before, nothing bad ever happened, I dont understand the pararnioa around a wooded area!" Chloe said, defensively.

   Belle looked out at the scenery. The trees going over the feilds, the lake about a half mile out, not a single other thing in sight. Ever.

  "I mean, we always use to go out there at night" Chole began. "We would go out there with nothing but lanterns and we would run around, just not caring  about anything. We would play by the lake, we would talk about whatever came to mind, we would bring swords put there and practice on trees, we would do anything, and nothing would ever happen."

   Belle sighed. She was right, but they stopped going years ago to keep both their dads sane. They were paranoid about manburg or "worse" finding them. Whatever worse meant.

  "Hey, have you two seen Tommy?" A voice said from behind.

  They both turned around to find Tubbo at the doorway, looking worried.

  "He was suppose to come in after taking care of the chicken."

   He walked up to the window, and they all three started started scanning the area, to find no Tommy, anywhere.

  "Where could he have g-"

   He was cut off short by seeing Tommy run up the hill, clearly in panic.

   Tubbo ran out to the hallway just to meet Tommy in the middle.

  "Get the kids out if here. Now!" Tommy said, scrambling to his gear.

  "What, why, what goin-"

  "I DONT HAVE TIME TO EXPLAIN, THEIR HERE TUBBO, GET THEM OUT, NOW!"

   Tubbo instantly turned around and met the two girls in the hallway.

  "Okay girls, with me, and hurry." He said, alreadly on his way to the back of the house

   They followed as quickly as they could, extreamly concerned and confused. Tubbo, after a little seaching, found a loose floorboard and lifted it up, inside was a backpack.

  "Okay, Chloe, take this, and grab your weapons on the way out the back, and run. Run far away from here."

  "What, why, whats going on?!" Belle said, clearly about to break down.

  "Look, keeping it short, manburg forces found this area. Just keep running North, and when we can, me and Tommy will find you, but for right now, we need to hold our ground, or risk everything in this house."

  "Wait, why not just leave too?!" Chloe said, dumbfounded they even thought of staying.

  "Because, there are things in this house we cant risk them getting, now leave please, before you cant!"

   Chloe grabbed Belle by the arm and started walking the direction of the back door.

  "WAIT!" Belle yelled, forcing chloe to let go.

   Belle ran up to her dad, and hugged him, tears starting to stream.

  "I love you dad." She said, grip tighting.

  "I love you too, honey bee, now go, Ill be there soon."

   She let go and ran back to chloe, and grabbed her sword and bow. Chloe took her axe and took for the back door with Belle.

  "BE GOOD TO HER CHLOE" she heard Tubbo yell before the door fully shut.

   They both took down the hill as fast they could. And ran for the forest. When they were finally there, they stopped for a second to take things in.

   First mistake made that night.

  "WHO'S OVER THERE!" They heard a man say, right before turning and being met with a crossbow

   Chloe grabbed Belle and took off in the opposite direction, not knowing if she was going the right way.

  "GET THEM!"

  Chloe cursed under her breath and looked at Belle, who was now running right next to her. They both knew what to do. They were taught in this circumstance, move in a difficult way.

   Bella all if a sudden split off, and Chloe, hoping they wernt near, grabbed on to a tree and climbed into the leaves.

  Guess sneaking out did pay off in the end.

  Only about two minute later, she saw people move underneath.

  "Where did they go?" A woman said.

  "Dont know, but they cant have gone far." A male voice spoke out.

   Chloe stayed still, trying to not make them look up, because if she did, her khaki colored jeans and red jacket wouldnt blend in the best.

  Chloe looked around and saw something else in the trees. After a few seconds, Belles face appeared through the leaves, making direct eye contact with her. They both did there best to communicate with their eyes, but it wasnt going to work wothout their hands being able to move.

  "What do we do, sir?" The female said, speaking up.

  "Split up, their teens, they cant do anything to us, so split up and find their hiding spot."

  They heard movement happen below them, and after a while of not hearing them, they jumped down.

  Chloe, pointed in a direction, next to asking if they should go that way with her face. Belle proceeded to do neck swipey thingy with her hand and pointed the other direction. Chloe nodded, not wanting to argue silently with her.

  They both went in that direction, weapins in hand, waiting for something to happen. But nothing ever did. And they eventually put away the weapons and started talking

  "Do you know where the fuck we're going?" Chloe asked, clearly done with all of this.

  "Nope, not a clue."

  "Oh great, this is gonna go extreamly well."

   They went on for hours. And hours. And hours. Till eventually they needed to stop. They came upon this rocky cliff and decided to sit there, and rest for a short while.

  "I cant fucking beilive this, i thought we were safe from all of that shit." Chloe said, sitting down next to belle.

  "I really dont know why."

  Belle sat there and thought, letting her mind wonder on what just happened and what could have possibly happened. Their parents could have fended them off, saved the day, and be on their way here right now. But, on the oppsite side, what if they lost. What if they were taken in. Or worse, what if they were de-

  "What's that." Chloe said, breaking her thought trail.

  Clhoe was pointing at the rock, and after an embarrsing amount of seconds, Belle found it. It was

  "A button."

  Chloe got up at the mention of anything clickable, and walked towards it. Belle knew what was about to happen.

  "Uh, maybe dont press the mys-"

  Too late.

  All of a sudden, a part of the wall started opening and Belle got up in response. She turned to see a giant hole being made into a cavern. A lit cavern.

  "Holy shit." Chloe said, stunned.

  "Sho- should we really go in there?" Belle said, clearly scared if whats inside.

  "Oh come on, stop being a pussy. After all, our lives could be ruined, why not risk it"

  Chloe took a soild pace towards the entrace, Belle scrambling to catch up, not wanting to be left behind. When they got inside, the doors shut alot faster then it could open. But before they could even blink, they heard a voice.

"Dad, is that you?"

[melissanovels]

♡ Chapter 4 of TRANSIENT TIME TRAVELLER is out! ♡

○ Read on my Website ○ Read on Tumblr (below) ○ Read on Ao3 ○ Read on Royal Road  ○

TTT  is an LGBTQ+ historical fantasy novel about Aida, a time traveller hellbent on proving the innocence of a 1,200-year-old dead queen, and Lorian, an escaped princess-turned-officer who wants to drain the royal blood from their body, & the two coming together with the help of their mischievous future selves.

♡ Reblogs are appreciated! ♡

Read Chapter 4 Below:

She flipped through the third history text she’d finished that week, trying to spot any more clues she’d missed. It was lunch time, so she’d yet again found herself in the campus library instead of the dining hall or open piazzas with the other students. She’d tested the librarians and found that not many of them came around this corner of the ancient building. It let her eat her lunch of bread and butter in peace.

She pushed up her glasses as she leaned over her spine-broken books. It’d been two weeks since the semester started and she’d already finished all of the reading and had a head start on her essays and future projects, giving her ample time to read up about her new country’s history. One of the key aspects of wanting to get into Durante Academy was this library. More than 40,000 books were archived here. Everything from pre-classical recipes to first editions of history texts. She’d discovered a new biography on Eve’s life. Her favorite color? Burgundy. Aida couldn’t wait to buy a dress in that deep shade of royalty.

But she was getting nowhere today. Not only did this volume not have the answers she was searching for, there was a bug burrowing into her brain.

She hadn’t spoken to Lorian since the day they first met. It shouldn’t have mattered, being that he’d only done her a favor. She couldn’t remember a lot about what happened because she’d gotten completely baked, but she remembered that they’d bonded, right? That’s what people did, right? Or acquaintances at best. Her sisters often talked to one another about school, boys, girls. Their favorite actors and which ones they wanted to marry, what they wanted to be when they grew up. They’d never asked Aida what she wanted, never cared about her passions, but this boy had. That had to account for something, didn’t it?

So why hadn’t they talked since?

And why the fuck did it bother her so much?

Someone giggled. Down the aisle of books, three girls from one of Aida’s history classes were hiding. They had their hands cupped to their mouths as they whispered and pretended not to be looking at Aida. As a distant grandfather clock chimed for one, they ran off, their black dresses catching on their long legs.

Aida bit hard into her bread and chewed the tough crust so she couldn’t hear her thumping heart.

It didn’t bother her.

They didn’t bother her.

Her stomach growled in upset, so she organized her borrowed books and readied to leave. All she’d managed to find today was a new spelling of Queen Eve’s name—“Eta,” though scholars said this might’ve been a nickname used only by her loved ones—and, unfortunately, a new drawing of the Colosseum’s interior.

She didn’t know why she put so much time into these dead monarchs. Who were they but people who started and ended wars, who fucked and died vigorously and left palaces as their tombstones? The crown was now tolerable at best. No ruthless killings of Visatorre in the Colosseum, none that were publicized. She was able to go to school now, it wasn’t banned anymore. So why put all this time and energy into a system that didn’t give a damn about you in the first place?

“Aida?”

She started. She recognized that voice, and all of her nagging suspicions and fears suddenly disappeared with her upset stomach.

Lorian bounded up the library steps two at a time to meet her. He was waving, like she wouldn’t see an officer coming at her. Well, officer-in-training; she couldn’t let him get a big ego around her. “There you are!” he said, and took off his hat in a bow. “Good afternoon. Did you have lunch yet?”

She shuffled her books together and wiped any sort of emotion from her face. “How do you keep finding me? Are you spying on me?”

“Of course not. I’ve heard from the teachers that you enjoy spending your afternoon’s here, and I had a free afternoon to myself, so I decided to come find you.” He looked around without his eyes catching on anything. “A little medieval here, is it not? Different from the newly upgraded buildings.”

“A building built two hundred years ago with history dating back to the Classical era is medieval? No.”

He smiled that smile of his that irked her. “You have me there. So, have you learned anything more about Eve?”

She was surprised he remembered that. “Not much, only that—”She checked her notes. “People who loved her called her ‘Eta’, like how some Aldaían call their spouses ‘ama’ for ‘beloved’. That’s not well-known.”

“I didn’t know that, and I’ve been taught a lot about Roma’s history. You know, I didn’t know that she’d killed King Julius II’s wife. I was taught she’d killed him.”

“He’d killed himself a few days later. That’s what the books say, anyway. What books did you read from that? I’d like to research that topic. Most books say the opposite.” She started putting away her books. “Back when we were indulging in unfavorable substances, I pegged you as someone who didn’t know much about Eve.”

“I was…incapacitated at the time. Do forgive me if I said anything too obtrusive to you. I don’t remember much of what happened.” He looked around the now empty floor. “Please keep that night confidential. I don’t want it to harm either of our reputations.”

“What, two young people enjoying one another’s company with a natural reserve akin to morphine?”

“I mean two young people spending their time in…a woman’s bedroom. At night. It’s highly provocative, and I didn’t mean anything by that.”

“It was my dorm room, but sure. I’m sure that Roman standards suggest you spending your time elsewhere.”

“Please, don’t think me immodest, Miss Mirko. Aida,” he corrected when Aida gave him a look. “That had been my first day on the job. I’d…left my home quite suddenly not too long ago, and I was still getting my bearings when I was allowed entry as an officer for this prestigious Academy. I sought only to do the right thing, though I did enjoy our company that evening.”

“The evening spent with me talking at you for three hours straight about shit only I find interesting.”

“On the contrary. I found much of what you told me quite interesting. I was true on my word about never meeting a person as outspoken as you are.”

“Because the upbringing was that bad?”

He only nodded. “Very.”

“Then that’s something we have in common.” She stood on her tiptoes to put away a book on a high shelf. Lorian went to help but stopped once he realized she had it.

“Were you taught history in school?” Aida asked.

“In my teachings, yes. I didn’t really go to school, I was more so homeschooled. Why?”

“Because not many of us were lucky enough to be taught history. The good stuff, anyway. The shit that makes you think. A lot of what’s done in Bělico is taught orally. That’s how it was with me before I pushed for secondary schooling. Some of the schools don’t accept Visatorre into the school system. They’re still stuck in the past. I was the only one in my graduating class. It’s why I care so much.”

“That’s quite admirable. Not many people our age are adamant about getting the word out like you are. Most people just learn what’s needed to pass and carry on.”

“It’s the stuff that everyone should know about. What else we gonna learn about? The current royals? Gag me, I can’t stand them.”

Lorian offered to place one of the books on the high shelf. Aida tried it herself before giving in and lending it to him.

“Do you know if…the Bělico queen has done anything?” Lorian asked. “You’re from Bělico, right? Is she alright?”

“Queen Beatrice?” Aida asked. “Fuck no. I haven’t even seen the queen in person and I lived there all my life. She’s just like the queen here.”

“How so?”

Aida gave him a curious look before carrying on. He was a part of the royal guard, how did he not know about political affairs? “All they do is sit on the sidelines while their husbands do all the work, and it’s terrible work. Absolutely dreadful. If I were queen, I’d be like Queen Eve, who got shit done during her lifetime. Irrigation? Reconstructed. Trade routes from here to Aldaí? Reinvented. She’d helped to fund the first school for the blind, did you know that? She was interested in eyesight in a time which eyeglasses hadn’t been invented yet. Roman scholars would lead you to believe the good and loyal Romans did all that, but no. It was done by a queen whose city no longer exists. I’d honor her by doing everything she couldn’t do and more. I’d rework the entire system of Lyrica.”

“Will you now?” Lorian asked, leaning down to meet her eyes.

She tasted a sense of sarcasm on his tongue. She fought against it and stared into his eyes. It was hard, doing that with some people, but not so much with him. “Yeah, I will.”

“How—”

“I’d fix the school systems first. All children deserve to be taught, and it’d be the easiest change from a financial standpoint. Aldaí is progressive when it comes to this, so we can leave that to Prince Zaahir and that new princess he married. What was her name again? Beatrice and Lu…”

“I-I don’t recall,” Lorian said quickly, “but I agree with you. Aldaí is very progressive.”

“So then, if we can work out some type of stronger alliance with them, we then get to work on local modernization through the help of showing that the crown actually gives a fuck about us. We never see the royals, ever.”

“They do make public appearances from time to time,” he defended.

“Yeah, bullshit, I’ve never seen them. If anything, they only visit the biggest, strongest cities that’re pouring lyria into their pockets.”

Lorian shrugged in agreement. He looked like he had more to say on the matter but kept quiet so as not to interrupt her.

“So, I’d make them do more public showings. It might make the extremists angry, maybe make them more targets than they already are, but the monarchies have to show the people that they’re fighting for them. It’s exactly what Eve did in Siina. She was such a vocal, public figure, always visiting street markets and meeting with the people. And how do they do that?” She pointed at Lorian.

“I haven’t the faintest—”

“By listening to the people, yes, thank you. Open up more administrations and city councils so the people can be more in charge of their fates than the fucking officers and Constables frightening us into submission. No offense.”

“None taken.”

She looked down at one of her history texts. “We’re in a golden age of the world. No one is fighting one another. We’re not wasting hundreds of gold lyria on war strategies or extra officers. The last one was back in, what 1137? Twenty-two years ago? Back when we were babes? And that was just a fourteen-month fling where important Bělican crops weren’t being properly regulated across the sea because of unforeseen trade agreements. It left Roma without sugar for nearly a year. You see, I could change the world if I was given the chance, but I can’t do that because I have a fucking circle on my forehead!”

Her voice travelled across the library, skipping up the stairs and across the aisles of hidden knowledge. Lorian pressed his thin lips together, pretending he was an officer for the crown and did not enjoy breaking the rules.

Aida cleared her throat. She was getting ahead of herself again. She was going to push him away by being herself. She dialed it back. “The only chance I have is to become a historian. I might not be able to get a job right away, but when I graduate with a diploma from this Academy, I know someone out there will take me seriously.”

Lorian gave that considerable thought before nodding to himself. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I take you very seriously.”

“Course you do. The first time we met, I was fucking naked.”

“E-excuse me, I averted my gaze. I have values.”

“Like a true gentleman.”

Lorian opened his mouth to say more, then caught on whatever she’d said and smiled. “Yeah, I suppose so.”

She smiled back at him. She didn’t know what she had with this officer-in-training and why they clicked as well as they did—he was charismatic, helpful, charming, kind, easy-going. Everything she wasn’t. She hadn’t seen him in action, but he was probably good at his job, and had more friends than he knew what to do with. Total opposites in every regard, aside from the fact that they could share a blunt and be perfectly content with simply being near each other.

She frowned, not knowing why that made her so sad.

The heavy, wooden double doors leading to the main halls opened, and one of Aida’s advisors, Mister Omar, came out. He had a note in his wrinkled hand and his balding head was sweating from getting from his officer to the library before lunch period ended.

Lorian stepped back from Aida, self-conscious about how close they were to someone’s eyes. “Well, I should be off, then.” He bowed and put on his hat to cover his eyes. “Farewell, Miss Mirko, Mister Omar.”

“Farewell,” Mister Omar said, and watched him leave before whispering to Aida, “Miss Mirko, I just received a letter from the dean. He said he wishes to speak with you as soon as you’re available.”

“What does he wish to speak to me about?” Aida asked. “I was just getting back to my classes. You can’t fight me for choosing to spend my lunch here.”

“I don’t believe it’s about your elongated breaks in this great Rosalia Library,” he said, trying to be funny and failing. “Uh, no. Well, here. You can read it for yourself, but it came with a message saying to come to him before the end of the day.”

Aida took the letter.

In Regards to the Termination of Aida Mirko’s 6-Year Scholarship

She covered her mouth. Something inside of her split open and was releasing a foul rot in the pit of her stomach. Her hands went cold, her face hot. She strained her eyes to see if anything more had been written on it, but that was it. A simple declaration that had taken all of her hopes and dreams into bettering herself and the world and throwing it out like an unwanted child.

She ran. Fighting on her cane to make her go faster, she broke around the corner and ran out of the library. She wouldn’t read the rest of the letter. There wasn’t any time. She’d go to the dean and fight. She’d demand her right to be here and fight. They wouldn’t take this knowledge away from her, not now.

She pushed through the pain and trotted down the wide marble steps from the cloister into the open courtyard. Here, students in black and white uniforms continued their lunch in peace. Girls decorated flower crowns and boys tackled one another to the grass like toddlers. A couple flirted with one another near the well in the center of the yard. Aida ran past them all. This was all a mistake. It had to be.

The dean’s office was one of the older buildings covered in ivy, right beside the church that students seldom used. At the front gates, two statues of lions acted as guards for the door. Two actual officers stood watch over the building at all hours of the day. The leather holding the rapiers on their hips were worn from use.

Aida forced the wheeze back into her throat. “I have…a letter from the dean. Open the gates. Please,” she added, wondering if these grown men would care for novelties like “please” and “thank you.”

The two men looked at one another, then shrugged and went to open the gate.

She barreled in before they fully opened the door and knocked furiously on the knocker. Beside the dean’s home was his personal horses and carriages. Aida had locked-on to his carriage, as she’d thought about egging it multiple times, but beside his carriage were two other carriages she didn’t recognize. They had the King’s Lions engraved on them in gold: a Constable carriage.

“Fuck,” she cursed, then shook the thought out of her mind and knocked louder. “Dr. Falco!” she announced. “Dr. Falco, it’s Aida Mirko. I’m a freshman who just started this year. You called to speak to me. May I please come in?”

The door unlocked twice, and one of the dean’s maids welcomed her with a bow. “Hello, Miss. What was it that you wished to—?”

Aida let herself in.

“Excuse me, Miss!”

It was a magnificent house that smelled of syrup and old collections. Books on shelves she could never reach and busts of naked men and women from a tainted royal line. Walking around a terribly gaudy zebra pelt, Aida snaked into the main room and knocked on the door.

It opened upon her third knock.

Dr. Falco was sitting in a large chair behind a mahogany table. Around him were papers and texts, and behind him, a map of the world was centered between two windows. Bělico in the west, Aldaí in the east, and Roma centered amongst it all, even though the Earth was, in fact, a sphere, and nobody was truly in the center of anything.

Between Aida and the dean stood three men. Two wore the same uniforms and pants as Lorian, but their ages and medals told her they were actual officers, not ones training to please the king and queen.

The other man, one with curly brown hair and golden aiguillettes and sashes across his jacket, indicated who he was immediately.

The Constable looked down at Aida with hollow eyes. They were cold and dark, as if he was looking at a sheep ready to be slaughtered. He set down the document he was reading and turned to face her. One hand went to his waist belt, to his rapier handle which shone gold in the sunlight.  “Welcome, Miss Mirko,” he said.

Aida gulped at him knowing her name. Constables were leaders of twenty, sometimes thirty men in Roma, and with the air of stuffy egoism on him, this man was probably high in rank.

She swallowed back her fear. “Why was my scholarship terminated? What have I done wrong?”

“That’s the thing. Have a seat, my dear.”

She didn’t.

The Constable waited. “My name is Carmello Carmine, right-hand Constable to Her Majesty the Queen.”

She didn’t blink.

The Constable narrowed his eyes, then focused on her cane. “I’ve been informed that your scholarship to this school was for six years based on the principles of your excellence in history and language as well as your race and upbringing.”

“And?” she said, itching to fight him for how he said that.

“And a law has just been put into place to make amendments to that initial proposition. Under the new, current law—”

“What law?” she interrupted. “I never heard anything about that in the paper.”

“The law,” he pressed, “indicating that it is unjust to allow a student any favorable outcomes when it comes to the acceptance rate to any Roman academy.”

Aida looked over the letter about her scholarship expulsion. “So what does that mean? I’m still enrolled into the school, aren’t I? I earned it. I left everything I had for—”

The Constable picked up his paper again. “The dean and I were going over your academia records and attendance rates.”

“I’ve been to every class!” she said. “I even started doing extra credit!”

“And,” he said, ignoring her, “unfortunately, we’ve concluded that your grades do not meet the qualifications to earn the scholarship for the next six years. Unless you can come up with the funds to attend this coming year, which we’ve estimated that someone who’s living on-campus would come up to 510 gold lyria, we unfortunately cannot enroll you into Durante Academy at this time.”

Aida tried doing the math in her head, hating herself with how long it was taking her. She thought it cost 450 gold lyria per semester, not 500 and change. Her mother didn’t even make that in a year with the farm. For six more years, at 500 gold lyria a semester…

She dropped her head. “I don’t have that kind of money.”

He lowered his paper. “Then I’m sorry to deliver the news—”

“But that’s not fair!” she exploded. She tried digging for any sort of advantage to keep her at his level. It was like fighting with her mother. Her eyes were watering.

“—that after this semester—”

“No!”

“You will no longer be able to attend Durante Academy as a student.”

Aida tried to read her letter again, searching for a loophole that already made her acceptance to this Academy shaky, but she couldn’t think. No matter how much she fought these people to be seen as equal, it’d never happen. It’s what Queen Eve had tried to fight for and failed. It’s what people like her had fought for for centuries and failed. All because of these kings and queens and these rules they bent to make their world more hateful.

She grit her teeth. In history, they said that the Visatorre queen had killed the king’s wife. Others said she’d killed the king. Aida had never believed either statement, but now, feeling the anger pulse in her ears, her eyes water in front of four men aiming to hurt her, she wouldn’t have blamed her for wiping people like this off the face of the fucking planet.

Holding back tears, she threw her walking cane at the Constable, scattering their papers and spooking the Constable backwards. “Fuck you! Fuck you and the crown you serve! All of you deserve to be buried in the Catacombs for the amount of shit you do for us!”

“Good God, Miss!” he said, staring down at her thrown cane. “Control yourself!”

The other officers unsheathed their rapiers, but the Constable held out his hand to make them put them away. “Miss, do you realize what you’ve just—”

She spat on the ground, cursed their mothers, and left, tears steaming from her bloodshot eyes.

“Miss!”

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. She’d worked for years to get here, she’d dedicated her life to this cause she believed in. She was to learn all this new information she was hoping to uncover about Eve and for this stupid bullshit country, but she hadn’t done shit.

Her mother was right about her.

She left the house through the back, through the gardens and near the horse-drawn carriages. She didn’t want those damn officers seeing her like this, and she didn’t want to be seen leaving the headmaster’s home in tears.

The chickens in the nearby coop clucked at her. The hens pecked at the ground while their rooster counterparts watched from the top of the coop.

The door to their coop was left open, letting them roam the contained land.

Aida cast a seething glare at the house behind her, then at the carriages left unattended.

Then she crawled into the chicken coop and started collecting her throwing eggs.

[theycallmegothboy]

1-100 >:DDDD REVENGE!!!

FELIXXXXXXXXXXXX >:(( 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  -spotify  2. is your room messy or clean? -it’s pretty messy i guess  3. what color are your eyes? -blue and grey

4. do you like your name? why? -yeah it’s fine 5. what is your relationship status? -single 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less -certified intrusive thot 7. what color hair do you have? -brown and rn it’s red 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? -i dont have a car 9. where do you shop? -hot topic, goodwill, target 10. how would you describe your style? -comfy emo 11. favorite social media account -of mine, probably discord or youtube 12. what size bed do you have? -twin >:(( 13. any siblings? -i have 1.5 brothers  14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? -probably vancouver, idk canada seems lit 15. favorite snapchat filter? -i like the one with devil horns and a tail but its cute 16. favorite makeup brand(s) -i dont wear makeup 17. how many times a week do you shower? -i used to shower every day, but i dont do anything that gets me dirty so like maybe 3 times but if i leave the house then i shower 18. favorite tv show? -stranger things 19. shoe size?  -8 or 9 20. how tall are you? -5′6 with shoes >:(( 21. sandals or sneakers? -sneakers wtf 22. do you go to the gym? -lol no 23. describe your dream date -making some pie or something together and then eating the pie and then sitting on some rooftop looking at stars 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? -quite a bit actually but i’m saving up for a phone lol so soon it will be like maybe 10 dollars lmao 25. what color socks are you wearing? -not wearing socks but the ones i had earlier were white (ankle length) 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? -just one but it sucks 27. do you have a job? what do you do? -NO BUT IM TRYING TO GET A JOB BUT THE FUCKIN PEOPLE THERE ARE GHOSTING ME AND WONT REPLY TO MY EMAILS SO LIKE SBJHBJS 28. how many friends do you have? -like 4 lmao 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? -idk nothing super bad but i do a lot of small shit that makes me feel guilty when i realize what i did 30. whats your favorite candle scent? -juniper rosewood 31. 3 favorite boy names -leo, clay, charlie 32. 3 favorite girl names -ivy, uh... idk thats all ive got 33. favorite actor? -no clue 34. favorite actress? -no clue 35. who is your celebrity crush? -not a celeb but i’d smash danny phantom 36. favorite movie? -nightmare before christmas or edward scissorhands 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? -no, but my fav book is probably the prince and the pauper? idk 38. money or brains? -CASH MONEYYYY jk probably brains but if your entire personality is being “smart” like fuck off lmao   39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - a bunch of people call me son (see #49, #100), some call me rat, dumdum, goth boy

40.how many times have you been to the hospital? -just once i think when i was birthed. i also went once with my brother cause he kicked some scissors i left out on the floor and it sliced his toe the fuck open and he needed stitches and i watched him get the stitches and almost passed out :/ 41. top 10 favorite songs -please dont make me do this i dont have it in me 42. do you take any medications daily? -yea i take 20mg of vyvanse but i need to get it raised to 30 cause 20 is Not Enough 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) -i got some dry fuckin skin yall dont even know 44. what is your biggest fear?  -it depends. the dark is a pretty constant one though 45. how many kids do you want? -like 2 or 3 eventually 46. whats your go to hair style? -in my face, looking stupid 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)  -it’s pretty small 48. who is your role model? -i dont fuckin know lmao  49. what was the last compliment you received? - “i belive in you, my son, you’re an amazing human being“ (same friend mentioned in #100, not actually a parent of mine) 50. what was the last text you sent? -”no it’s a raccoon“ YOU GET NO CONTEXT LMAO 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? -i dont think i ever hardcore believed in him, maybe i did though i remember sleeping under the tree one christmas eve waiting for him but i was like “oh yeah that makes sense“ i guess 52. what is your dream car?  -i honestly dont give a shit as long as it actually fucking works 53. opinion on smoking? -cigarettes? fuck no that’s nastyyy. weed? that’s fine i guess but wait till you’re like 18.  54. do you go to college? -no. am sophomore n highschool 55. what is your dream job?  -musician/palentologist 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?  -fuck the suburbs lmao, but also im tired of rural, so like.. semi urban?? 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?  -no but i take the little soaps >:)) 58. do you have freckles?  -yes 59. do you smile for pictures? -awkwardly, yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?  -dont have a phone but i have like 12 on my computer currently. 4 are of me, the rest are of my cat or random shit 61. have you ever peed in the woods?  -yes 62. do you still watch cartoons?  -cartoons these days kinda suck but like if they were good fuck yeah i would like gravity falls can come hang yknow? 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? -i had nuggets from mcdonalds today so i guess them? i dont really care 64. Favorite dipping sauce?  -i got sweet and sour but i dont like it that much. that schezuan sauce was great 65. what do you wear to bed?  -wouldnt you like to know? ;))  66. have you ever won a spelling bee?  -NO ive only been in two. the first one i misspelled the word “turmoil“ cause i had never heard it before and the second one i spelled the word “owed“ as “ode“ cause i was thinking like ode to joy and then i felt like a big Fool afterwards :(( 67. what are your hobbies? -lol what hobbies 68. can you draw?  -i am physically able to draw, but not well, no 69 (haha). do you play an instrument? -yeah i play a few 70. what was the last concert you saw?  -i saw Chicago in either georgia or tennessee i cant remember in like 2016 71. tea or coffee? -hot coffee, iced tea. NOT the other way around. (i love both though) 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? -starbucks 73. do you want to get married? -sure why not 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? -dont have a crush 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?  -idk maybe 76. what color looks best on you?  -i dont know but i wear black a lot and that’s pretty dope 77. do you miss anyone right now? -yeah  78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? -closed 79. do you believe in ghosts? -on the fence. not 100% “oh my god look at these gHoSt oRbS i need to sage my house!!!“ but i accept that there’s some things i wont understand about the world and that i have no answers to. i wouldnt be surprised if there are, and i wouldnt be surprised if there aren’t. 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? -whatever my adhd decides i viscerally hate with a firey passion right at that moment  81. last person you called -my brother (the 1 of the 1.5 from #13 and the one who sliced his toe in #40) 82. favorite ice cream flavor?  -chocolate is dope 83. regular oreos or golden oreos?  -regular double stuff. if you say golden, mint, peppermint, or thin oreos i’m gonna have to euthanize you, i dont make the rules.  84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? -rainbow cause it’s prettier  85. what shirt are you wearing?  -queen shirt from hot topic 86. what is your phone background? -i didnt get a phone between question 60 and now but my computer one is some mountains with the moon in the background 87. are you outgoing or shy? -really depends on who i’m around 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? -YES FUCK AAAAAAA (this girl played with my hair literally once in middle school and i was like oh shit and i had a crush on her until the end of middle school true story,,, so ashley if you’re out there-) 89. do you like your neighbors? -to the left they’re fine and their dog is nice but idk what happened to the horses so that’s sus but that’s where our cat came from so they can hang  guess, behind me they’re fine but their boys are loud, to the right they’re fine, and even further to the right are the dope neighbors and waaaaaaaaaay far to the right is a llama and he’s dope as hell 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? -whenever the fuck i remember to/have the energy 91. have you ever been high?  -i dont think so but i wouldnt put it past myself 92. have you ever been drunk?  -not that i can remember, no 93. last thing you ate?  -sloppy joe from a can 94. favorite lyrics right now -”not gonna waste my life, cause i’ve been fucked up“ 95. summer or winter?  -fall. fuck you 96. day or night?  -night but i like it when it’s actually night and it doesnt get dark at like 4 fucking pm cause that makes me depressed 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? -dark is good, milk is fine, white is only suitable for fancy stripes on chocolate covered strawberries 98. favorite month?  -i vibe with september 99. what is your zodiac sign -sagittarius (was almost a scorpio but i was holding out >:))) 100. who was the last person you cried in front of?  -in person, my mom like 6 months ago, on a discord call, my friend (i love you by the way, you’re the best,,, i dont think he has tumblr but im just putting it out there) like a month or so ago. i hate crying in front of people, i turn into such a hyperventilating snot monster which is not suitable for human gaze and thats the real tea :/

felix this took like 2 hours of my life i will never get back i hate you and i hope you’re happy with what you’ve done <3 <3

also anyone who wants to stalk me, enjoy this information that im handing to you on a silver platter :)) <3

[thenamesseven]

Word count: 3k

Warnings: Angst

A/N: FINALLY! I’m so so sorry for making you all wait so much for an update. Truth was school is taking up most of my free time with homework and by the time I get some free time I’m too tired to do anything. I felt a bit desmotivated about writing but I think I’m back again! Thanks for being patience and I’ll try to update sooner, like I used to do before. Sorry again! Enjoy the chapter ^^

When Park Jinyoung called his employees into his office it was extremely obvious something was very very wrong. Being called by the boss to discuss private manners wasn’t something that brought good news, in fact, it was always related with somebody being fired or somebody getting yelled at for doing something wrong.

Unfortunately, even when they thought they would never go through something like that, the day when Jackson and Jaebum were called by their boss came and none of them knew what could possibly be wrong. Since they had spent the whole afternoon trying to come up with a plan to find you and bring you back home with them, none of them had checked out their social media and realize what was truly going on.

Sitting on some stiff yet pretty uncomfortable chairs, the both of them waited patiently until Park Jinyoung spoke, he only looked at them quietly, trying to think of a way to explain the big problem without getting insanely mad at them.

“What’s this”

Jackson and Jaebum jolted slightly scared when the stack of paper JYP had been holding, landed on the desk situated in front of them pretty hard, hard enough to send some sheets away before one of the boys could read whatever was written on them. By the way they looked some of them seemed to be magazine articles, the ones online pages post and the others were things posted in social media, specially Twitter and Tumblr. None of them dared to reach out and take one of the papers to read them though, whatever was going on was bad enough to have Park Jinyoung fuming in front of them when they were more or less, the favorite group of the company.

But by the looks of it, they have fucked up big time.

Since none of the guys seemed eager to reply to the easy question, JYP sighed, attempting to get some answers once again “I’m going to ask again and this time I expect a reasonable answer” He looked at both of them, leaning back against his chair while he pinched the bridge of his nose. Jackson and Jaebum knew him well enough to know that whatever the problem was, it was stressing him out a lot and that it would only made the issue even worse. “What’s the meaning of this?”

It was Jaebum the one that caught the sheet of paper Park Jinyoung tossed away. With insecure hands, he cleared out his throat and held it far enough for Jackson to read it with him. His eyes scanned the paper nervously, not really focusing on the paragraphs below but on the colorful details that could instantly give him some clues about what was truly happening. The first thing he noticed was the name of one of those gossiping magazines that are always following idols around, they had people hidden with cameras everywhere, ready to snap the perfect picture and manage to ruin their lives and careers by revealing rumours or secrets that shouldn’t have been revealed. 

His stomach started turning into tiny notes that made him feel incredibly horrible. Jackson and him were hiding an incredibly big secret after all and it definitely wouldn’t be good if it had been leaked out of nowhere, without them having enough time to prepare for it. It really wasn’t a good time for that kind of drama, specially right after you were kind of missing.

Jackson, who was already fearing the text underneath the name of the magazine, had only managed to read the first sentence before his heart started beating so hard and loudly that he could feel his brain pulsing in synch with it.

The article said:

An anonymous message that has been recently received finally gave some meaning to the pictures we posted earlier! Jackson Wang, mostly known for being a successful rapper and part of the boy band GOT7, was spotted exiting his apartment earlier in an agitated way. The reporter that was there clearly saw how he was crying but also shaking with frustration, impotence for some unknown reasons that now are not so unknown.

Thanks to our anonymous reader we know that apparently Jackson and Jaebum are sharing that same apartment with an old friend who surprisingly is a female. Her name is (Y/N Y/LN) and luckily, our best researcher managed to find her instagram. We won’t post the username here but down there you can see a picture, kind of pretty isn’t she? Who wouldn’t want to date her?

Now get ready my dear ahgases because apparently and trusting the information this anonymous reader passed us, Jackson and Jaebum are in an open relationship with this female. Yeah! The three of them are dating, living together and doing all the heated things you all describe in your fanfics behind doors. 

Jackson was seen crying after-

Jaebum crumpled the paper in his hands, making it a small ball before tossing it away. Jackson kept his eyes down on the floor one of his knees had started bouncing nervously, as a reflex of his body to get rid of some stress, shaking his head dissapointed while his fingers fidgeted with the hem of the shirt he was wearing. Honestly, he wasn’t thinking about the consequences this scandal could have for Jaebum and him, Jackson couldn’t help but think about how stressed you were probably feeling after your face, name and some other intimate things had been exposed to the public so suddenly and without any consent.

“What the fuck is this bullshit?” Jaebum suddenly spoke out, frowning as he looked at JYP straight in his eyes. Jackson, who hadn’t been expecting that reaction, turned his head towards his direction slightly surprised.

“J-Jaebum” Jackson slightly worried his language would only make things worse, attempted to warn him, to shut him up but that didn’t stop his boyfriend

“You better start explaining and pray…Fucking pray that there is an explanation that won’t led to the two of you being fired and kicked out from GOT7” Their boss sat back down onto his chair, breathing heavily as he stared at both males waiting for one of them to start explaining.

“Do you really think I’m dating him?” Jaebum pointed at Jackson with his thumb,the latter only raised one of his eyebrows to glance at him. If Jaebum wanted to die and try to save all of their asses, he better start playing his game too.

“Dude, am I that ugly?” Jackson scoffed leaning back against his chair, rolling his eyes

“This is not something that we should laugh about. This freaking article is appearing in every social media, even in some news channels” The two boys quietly gulped at that, you had seen it for sure then and they didn’t even want to think how their families were probably feeling about this scandal.

“I’m sorry but I really do not understand why the company hasn’t deny this rumour yet” Jackson told him, erasing the small smile from his lips to look as serious as he could “Not only are they damaging our image but they’re also putting in danger somebody who we consider our little sister and not a fuck toy that we could share”

Jaebum nodded to Jackson’s words, poker face on as he stared at his boss. He looked really serious and slightly angry on the outside but inside? He was about to cry and start panicking, Jaebum had never been so scared before “(Y/N) has been our friend for years, she’s been living with us for so long too…Don’t you think that if we really had a relationship with her it would have been leaked by now?”

“With the amount of people that knows us? Probably” Jackson added as if the question had been directed to him “Sir, we never lied to you, we never cause any major problems like this one. Why would we do something like this? Ruin our careers, our success for a girl? No thanks”

“Exactly” The words hurt Jackson, he knew you didn’t deserve to be spoken about like that but if it worked, it would probably safe their careers and your reputation, if that was still possible.

“Then why the hell were you crying Jackson? What the hell happened?” He asked, still not completely believing the words that were coming out of their mouths.

“We had a really strong argument in which we said some pretty nasty things to each other” Jackson explained, he wasn’t really lying, things have been rough for the three of them. The male was just omitting some details that would definitely get them in trouble “It got to the point where she left, only leaving a note behind saying goodbye”

The room stayed in silent, Jackson’s broken tone echoing through the room as silence took over it. Park Jinyoung sighed, leaning back against the chair once again as he stared to the ceiling, attempting to go through the entire situation in his mind. He didn’t believe the guys completely but he didn’t have the clues to accuse them of lying either.

If the rumour stayed going through people’s social media the situation would only kept getting worse and worse and it would simply be impossible to deny the news at some point, ruining the reputation of some of the best idols the company had along with the one of an innocent girl.

Sighing, Park Jinyoung, CEO of JYP Entertainment, stood up and looked down at both of them “Get out of here, let me try and sort this out” 

-○-

Not too far away from that room, Jinyoung sat by himself in the lobby where they usually hang out during their little breaks in their practice sessions. Mark, Youngjae, Yugyeom and Bambam were there too, having some coffee as they talked about Jackson and Jaebum. Since they whole group knew about their relationship, the guys couldn’t help but be slightly worried about them what honestly surprised Jinyoung. Weren’t they worried about their own future? He didn’t mean to be rude but had they stopped to think what would happen to them if the group disappeared? Honestly, Jinyoung hasn’t fought so much for his dream to be ruined like this. You could say that was the reason he hasn’t said anything about yet, or maybe it was because he knew exactly what was going since he had been the one who sent those pictures to the online magazine. 

Leaning back against his chair, with his legs crossed, he kept messing around with his phone, checking out some social media to pass the time when he stumbled onto a couple of tweets that caught his attention. At first, Jinyoung just wanted to read them because of the drama but then when he realized what the issue was, his blood turned cold and his heart stopped beating for a second. 

“We all want that bitch out of our lives, why would she try to get involved with our two oppas?”

“Sluts are meant to be ashamed, you can’t let them do whatever they want”

Those were the beginnings of a trail that was full of original threats and insults that you wouldn’t even know existed. Jinyoung knew immediately who they were talking about, after all this was the effect he had expected after the anonymous message he sent to that online magazine started spreading through the internet. Messages like this will be the ones to make Jackson and Jaebum realize how much their fame could hurt you if anything of your relationship went wrong.

What he didn’t expect was the replies underneath where some people were planning to go and look for you, something that was totally crazy and unthinkable for Jinyoung. Were there fans who would go to that extent for two guys that would never know they existed? Even though something in him knew his plan was going the wrong way and that the backlash you were getting was way worse than he had expected, Jinyoung kept reading, eyes widening when he read the things they were planning to do to you if they find you.

Stumbling, the male stood up abruptly almost spilling his hot coffee all over the table. The guys looked at him, noticing how scared and tense their friend was but still none of them asked any questions and just waited for him to explain what was going on. However Jinyoung knew you didn’t have much time and that explaining everything would only make his chances of finding you smaller. 

“Where are you going?” Yugyeom finally asked, too curious to hold the question back.

Jinyoung only glanced at his direction, face as pale as a ghost, he grabbed his hoodie from the chair and shook his hair, quietly telling them he didn’t have the time for explanations. “It’s (Y/N)” He simply said, pushing his phone out of his pockets to dial your number “Tell Jackson or Jaebum to call me as soon as they get out”

After saying that Jinyoung simply exited the break room, phone glued to his ear as he desperately prayed that you would answer the phone.

Nobody picked it up though and he could just hope that it wasn’t too late for you.

-○-

You didn’t know how much time had passed since you were dragged back into the alley by this unknown girls, all you knew was the pain in your body indicated something was probably broken after all the kicks and punches they threw. You were confused to say the least, since they seemed to know about your relationship with Jackson and Jaebum but none of the guys had called you to warn you about the situation, honestly, you would have never thought that if the fans ever found out about your relationship some of them would react the way these girls did.

They had walked after getting tired, only saying that a bitch like you would learn her lesson after the pain they inflicted on you. Your eyes were dry, there were no tears left to cry at this point and your throat was sore after all the begging you did. Your eyes were staring to get swollen, your vision was becoming incredibly blurred and unfortunately, your body was too weak to move an inch.

You would have called the police or even an ambulance if your phone hadn’t been stepped on and broken in your face, you could simply lay there on the floor praying to whatever God was up there that somebody would find you.

It was scary yet crazy the things some fans could do for their idols. You didn’t blame your guys though, this wasn’t their fault even though it was their fans were the ones that did it. In fact, you found yourself wishing to be with them, receiving all the love and affection they always gave you when you weren’t feeling well….If only you hadn’t ran away.

“(Y/N)!?” 

You tried opening your eyes more, move your head towards the direction of the voice in order to see if you had hit your head so bad that you were now starting to have delusions, it was impossible Jinyoung was in the same alley as you, the guys were probably preparing for their new comeback.

“(Y/N)!?” When his voice sounded closer, you unconsciously frowned. What was he doing here? How did he find you? “Oh my God, what did they do to you?”

Looking down at you made Jinyoung feel like the worst person alive, you were drifting in and out of consciousness probably too weak to open your eyes and look at him. With shaky hands, he kneeled down besides you and rested your bleeding head on his knees not even caring about staining his new sweatpants. You groaned in pain, complaining about the movements as he gently brushed some of your hair out of your forehead, looking around, not really knowing what to do.

He never planned this to happen, the only thing he had wanted to do was scare Jackson and Jaebum to death, separate you from them so when the secret came out you would be far enough to not get hurt like this. You didn’t deserve this, what happened to you was extremely unfair and totally his fault.

“I’m going to get you some help” Jinyoung whispered, trying to dialed an ambulance but his hands were shaking too much and his eyes were full of tears “We’re going to the hospital”

“Where are they?” Jinyoung didn’t need to ask to know who you were asking for, it was normal that in this kind of situation you would want to see Jackson and Jaebum.

“They are okay, JYP needed to talk with them” Jinyoung replied, managing to call an ambulance “You’ll be okay (Y/N), just don’t fall asleep on me alright? You need to stay awake”

Using the last bit of strength you had, you nodded to his words, keeping your blurry vision on his face as he asked for an ambulance to come as fast as they could but tiredness was calling for you, the pain was overwhelming and deep down you knew that as soon as you closed your eyes everything would be gone. Who knows? Maybe all of this was part of a twisted nightmare, those that were too real for your own good. 

“Please come as fast as you can, she’s losing consciousness again” Jinyoung pleaded, gently slapping your cheek with his hand to keep you awake.

“(Y/N)?”

You weren’t opening your eyes anymore, you weren’t even moving your head to him when he spoke.

“(Y/N)!? Oh god, (Y/N)?” He asked again

But nobody answered this time.

[purplesurveys]

994

Basic Information

What's your name? Name’s already posted on my Tumblr but so that nobody has to check that anymore, Robyn.

Where do you live? I live in some city east of Manila, and that’s all you need to know.

When's your birthday? April 21st.

What's your astrological sign? Taurus.

Do you actually believe in that stuff? Never did.

How old are you? 22.

Do you have a high school diploma or the equivalent? Yeah I got a diploma.

Do you have an undergraduate degree? If so, in what? Yup. I’ve graduated but I haven’t received the diploma nor did I get to walk on a stage because of the stupid virus, but I majored in journalism.

What is your favorite...

Quote? I don’t have any. My brain doesn’t really store quotes for me to go back to; I don’t find the majority of them interesting.

Color? My main favorite is pink, but I enjoy looking at pastel shades and muted colors in general too.

Song? Picking an all-time favorite song is impossible, but for now I really like putting Hayley Williams’ Why We Ever on repeat. It used to be just a sad song that I love listening to but unfortunately the lyrics have since become relatable, so now there’s a sting whenever I hear it.

Band/singer? My favorite bands are Paramore and Against Me! while my favorite solo act is Beyoncé.

Book? I never had one. I was a big bookworm as a kid, but I didn’t get to keep it up as a teenager and now as an adult. Most of the books I own today are still just the novels I had nearly a decade ago, and it’s been a struggle trying to find a genre to get into.

Author? Same situation as book.

School subject? History. A lot of the social sciences are also great – anthropology, pol sci, psychology, etc. In another universe I definitely would’ve taken up a degree in a social science instead of journalism.

Science (chemistry, biology, physics, etc.)? Biology has always been a strength of mine and a favorite. I find memorizing terms fun, and I’ve always enjoyed studying living things instead of chemicals or energy or force or any of that boring stuff. 

Math (algebra, geometry, calculus, etc.)? Advanced algebra is fun. So is geometry, but only as long as you know all the formulas and theories; otherwise it’s so easy to fail it.

Language? I don’t have one. I think all languages are individually beautiful.

Operating system? Wow this is random lol. macOS, I guess. It’s what I’m using.

Instrument? I like the sound of many instruments, but in the grand scheme of things the piano has to be my absolute favorite.

Letter? I don’t pick a favorite letter.

Number? 4.

Car? I don’t know the first thing about cars but I suppose my dream car is a Mini Countryman, if that counts as a favorite. I swoon every time I see one in real life; they’re just so pretty to look at.

Pattern (polka spots, stripes, plaid, etc.)? Stripes are my cup of tea, but polka dots are also cute.

Word? The word that’s been my favorite for a while is ‘poignant.’

Animal? I love animals, but I’m biased to dogs and elephants. :)

Country? I don’t have a favorite country. That’s a pretty odd favorite but *shrug* I guess some people have theirs.

Drink (alcoholic or otherwise)? Water, milkshakes, and cocktails.

Food? Sushi, curry, cheeseburgers, and macarons. You can’t make me go with just one choice when it comes to food, my dude.

Restaurant? Yabu and Torch.

Website? I rely a lot on YouTube for my sanity these days so it’d be fair to call that my favorite, at least for the meantime.

Sport? If it counts, pro wrestling. If it doesn’t, I like playing table tennis and watching volleyball and tennis.

Flower? Peonies, roses, and sunflowers.

Ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream is a classic.

Television show? Breaking Bad is my favorite ever, but I also enjoy Friends, The Crown, and Bojack Horseman, and at one point The Walking Dead before it got honestly boring.

Shirt? I don’t really have a favorite shirt, but my favorite type to wear is anything sleeveless. I like giving my skin air to breathe, lol.

Shape? I don’t pick favorite shapes.

Eye color? Olive is beautiful.

Hair color? I’m indifferent to hair colors. Whatever suits a person.

Movie? Two for the Road and Good Will Hunting.

Gum flavor? Fruity ones.

Random Stuff About You

Do you have your drivers' license? Yeah. I had to get it as soon as I graduated high school because no one else was going to be able to bring me to school in college. I was in driving school like a week or two after marching on stage for my high school diploma haha.

Have you ever been swimming in an ocean? I don’t know if I have. In the vacations I’ve had, I don’t really keep track if I’m swimming in a sea or if I’m already in one of the oceans.

What's the last song you listened to? No clue but it was probably something by Hayley.

Do you prefer coloring pencils, crayons, or markers? Coloring pencils! I miss coloring. I just can’t see myself going back to it at the moment because I had bought a really cheap set of coloring pencils that have to be sharpened every five minutes. During my coloring phase I’m pretty sure I spent more time sharpening my pencils than actually filling in my coloring books. I’ve yet to find a replacement set with better quality.

Can you make any origami figures? If so, what? I’m terrible at origami and have always been. Even if I’m given a one-on-one session, I’ll for sure get lost early on in the process.

Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal? I never did. I always preferred pillows.

Do you get cold easily? I do haha, but I don’t mind it. I’d rather shiver or have my teeth chatter than have a pool of sweat on the back of my shirt from being too hot.

Have you ever been to a chiropractor? Nope.

Do you have great eyesight, or do you wear glasses or contacts? It’s very poor. I’ve had glasses since I was 11, but I needed them a lot earlier, like since I was 8 or 9 maybe. My mom refused to believe me when I started telling her my vision was getting worse because she legitimately thought I just wanted glasses to look like other kids. God, how shitty was that parenting? I can’t believe I just fucking let that go as a kid. My eyesight was getting increasingly blurry by the day and I stopped learning at school and her worry was that I wanted to fit in. I’m gonna get more stressed and hurt if I continue to think about this, so let’s just move on...

Do you know how to play chess? Never learned. I’ve watched my cousin play and he tried to teach me so many times, but I just never understood.

Do you know how to play checkers? At one point I think I did, but I didn’t enjoy it.

Do you like Sudoku puzzles? No. I never got the hang of that game either.

Do you like word searches? Love them.

Do you like crossword puzzles? They’re fine but the ones on our newspapers are too hard and use too many references or plays on words that I’m not able to pick up.

Do you like logic puzzles? It’s a hit or miss.

Can you play any card games? Other than solitaire, no.

Do you play board games? Hmm I played some as a kid, but I’ve always been too competitive and I’m never able to just sit down and have a friendly game so I’m not too big on board games now. I’m a lot happier sitting on the sidelines and watching my friends play because it’s more entertaining that way.

Do you do jigsaw puzzles? Not normally but I’ve been thinking of investing in one of those 1000-piece puzzles to take my mind off of things whenever I get depressed or when my mind starts to think about things it shouldn’t.

Do you listen to the same song on repeat for a long time, even occasionally? Yes. Sometimes I do it on purpose when I’m REALLY feeling a certain song at the moment; other times I don’t even realize the repeat button is turned on and I don’t notice I’ve been listening to the same song over and over.

Do you take any prescription medications on a regular basis? Nope.

Would you prefer to be too hot or too cold? I’ve said this a few questions ago, but too cold.

Do you like to swim? Sure. Being in the water calms me down instantly.

Have you ever been to a farm? I’ve probably been. I just can’t pinpoint a certain memory right now.

Do you like instrumental music? Depends on what the genre is, but I do generally prefer instrumental music when I’m working or have to focus.

Do you drink diet soda? Nope.

Do you drink soda? Andddddd nope.

Have you ever put Mentos into soda? I haven’t but I know what it does. There’s already like a million videos of other people doing it so I don’t need to do it for myself. 

Have you ever combined baking soda and vinegar? No.

Did you ever make Oobleck in science class when you were a kid? We never did and I learned about oobleck from watching a Good Mythical Morning episode, not in school. But I’ve always been curious as to what the texture is because it looks so fun to touch hahaha. I’d try making it myself but idk if we ever have cornstarch at home.

Do you know any HTML? Yes. Early days of Tumblr, man. People customized their themes and text posts all the time.

Have you ever read any of Shakespeare's work? Well, yeah. I had to read four of them - one for each year in high school.

Do you write poetry? No.

Do you read? Occasionally. A lot less than I used to.

Can you throw a frisbee? Sure. My friends and I played back in high school.

Do you watch a lot of television? Eh, not really. It’s rare that I discover a TV series I’m willing to invest in; I’ve always preferred movies since they can tell me a story within 2-3 hours. Following an ongoing show is just exhausting.

Do you think that you have a good sense of humor? Humor is subjective. I could mesh well with certain people but others might not find my sense of humor funny. I don’t think either of those can determine if my sense of humor is good or not.

Are you a mean person? Well, I try not to be...I think that’s what most people strive to do.

Do you have any bruises? If so, how did you get them? I have one on my knee because a few days ago I knelt to the floor to try to look for something under my bed, and I ended up landing on the floor quite hard and it was purple in minutes lmao. It’s mostly healed now though and I can barely tell where it is.

Does the thought of public speaking make you nervous? It only does if I ultimately also have to pitch something, because I don’t consider myself persuasive at all. But if I had had something memorized or had enough practice or if it’s a topic I’m fairly knowledgable about then I don’t have much of a problem with it.

Are you afraid of heights? It doesn’t bother me as much as other things and I’ve always wanted to go to the top floor of those towers where the floor is glass lol, but like I’d absolutely piss my pants if I found myself standing on a tightrope between two really tall buildings.

So, what ARE you afraid of? Flying cockroaches, plane crashes, and fire.

Are you listening to music? No.

Has anyone ever called you 'disturbed'? I don’t think so, at least not to my face.

Have you ever been kicked out of a place? If so, where? And why? Yeah. From a McDonald’s, but it was my noisy friends’ fault. I knew they were being loud (they were playing some card game) so I just stayed at the very edge of our table, pretended not to be associated with them and waited for a customer to complain about us lol. Normally I’d speak up and tell friends if they’re being too immature, but in that friend group in particular I was the shyest and didn’t really hold a lot of influence so I didn’t have much of a choice.

Do you take a lot of these surveys? Yeah I have this entire blog dedicated to just them, and even before this account I had another survey blog.

When was the last time you fingerpainted? No idea. Kindergarten maybe? If we even ever did?

When was the last time you sent an e-mail? Yesterday afternoon.

A text message? 1 AM earlier.

Called someone on the phone? I think it was around two weeks ago.

Tripped over something? I’m sure I tripped over Kimi fairly recently, like sometime this week.

Do you like chocolate? Sure but on its own it can be too sweet for me, like the Hershey’s milk chocolate bar. I do love chocolate-flavored stuff or if it’s incorporated into other meals or snacks, like chocolate chip cookies.

How many pillows are on your bed? Right now there aren’t any because I brought the two pillows, that I do normally have on my bed, to my desk where I’m currently sitting at.

Do you have any pets? Yeah one of them is licking their balls behind me. The other one is probably playing with their toys downstairs and miraculously being quiet this morning.

Have you ever been on a horse? Yep.

Have you ever climbed a tree? I don’t think so. Most trees here have fire ants anyway.

Do you like art? Sure do.

Do you use any sort of social networking site? I mean normally yeah, but I’ve deactivated all my accounts for the meantime. Depression is a bitch. I’m no longer updated on the news nor am I familiar with the trendy memes anymore but idk, this seems to be the healthiest thing for me right now.

What time is it? 9:11 AM.

Have you ever been in a car accident? Super minor ones where the car I was in only got a paint scratch or, at worst, a dent or two.

When was the last time you felt embarrassed? Yesterday when I almost sent a message talking about a certain person to that certain person. It was nothing mean, but I was horrified nonetheless.

Did it rain today? No. I’m not sure if it will but I hope it does.

Have you ever had a poison ivy rash? No. When was the last time you felt immensely happy? LOL Do you take a multivitamin or any other supplement? We have vitamin C tablets at home but I’m so bad at taking them. What household chore do you absolutely hate? Washing rags. Not really a chore, but once they get all dirty and I have to clean them up it just feels so icky and ueughdhffgbduifhsuf Tell me something random about yourself. I’ve won a couple of spicy noodle speed eating challenges. Can you cook? No, but I’d love to learn. Do you like to be silly? I’m a little more serious than silly for the most part...but when I’m in the right mood at the right time with the right crowd, I can be silly too. What kinds of things have you wanted to be 'when you grow up'? The first was astronaut. Then I came across this interview with a veterinarian and I wanted to be one too. Lastly, a firefigher. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah, lots of times. Sometimes it’s the only way to get to certain provinces or cities in the country so we’ve had to take boats for a few trips. Do/did you like school? For the most part, yes. I like that I made a lot of friends in school and I don’t have complaints about learning. What I hated the most about school is the scheduling, I guess. In my first school I had to wake up at 5 AM everyday to catch the school bus; and then in college I had to take several 7 AM classes and those were just the biggest, most inconvenient bitches. I also did not enjoy the concept of Catholic school. Do you have a camera? I used to have a DSLR but I’ve since handed it down to my sister since she’s taking up film. The camera on my phone works just fine. Have you ever been bitten by a tick? I don’t think so.

Have you ever seen a wild snake? I don’t really know what counts as a ‘wild’ snake but I’ve handled and held snakes before. Have you ever gone hiking in the woods? Hmm I’ve gone hiking, but not in the woods. Do you have a lot of friends? There’s a lot of people I can call friends, yes. We aren’t constantly in touch, though. All my friendships are super low-maintenance which I appreciate. Do you keep a diary/journal/blog? I have a journal and this blog where I write my thoughts and emotions down. What color are your eyes? Dark brown. Answering this yet again this week... Do you like snow? I’ve never experienced it so I can’t say. I think I would enjoy snow though. I feel that I’d be able to find comfort in it, like rain. Would you prefer to sing or dance in front of other people? Both sound awful. But I’d go with sing because at least I don’t have to move my body as much. Would you prefer to sing or dance when you're by yourself? Sing.

Can you spell really well? I’d say I can. I was really inspired by the movie Akeelah and the Bee as a kid and that made me want to be constantly good at spelling. Do you mind poor grammar? If it’s coming from a native speaker of whatever language, yeah. Like people who can only speak English but still use ‘would of’ or ‘I could care less.’ I’m more forgiving towards people who speak one language, or those who are speaking in a language they know they aren’t 100% fluent in. What's your favorite texting/IM abbreviation? I don’t have one. ‘lol’ I guess? It’s convenient. Do you wear a watch? No. Do you shop at thrift stores? Sometimes, if I find their offers interesting enough for me to want to go inside. What is your dream job? It’s pretty straightforward but it’d be nice to be able to work my way up and end up as an executive at a PR or media agency that I look up to. What is one thing that really freaks you out? Charlie Kaufman movies. Do you like bananas? They’re okay. I don’t hate bananas as aggressively as I do other fruits. Do you eat meat? Yes. Do you drink coffee? Yuh. I can go for a cup right now, actually...maybe when I finish this survey. Do you clean your computer screen often? Not often. Just every once in a while or once I start seeing too many smudges. Have you ever sneezed onto your computer screen? Probably.

Let's talk about numbers.

How many people live with you?

Four. We also have two animals.

136+95=...?

231. That’s essentially 136 + 100 - 5.

How many digits of pi do you have memorized?

Just the first five.

Can you count using binary numbers?

No. Never understood those, not interested enough to start learning.

How many states have you visited?

Zero.

How many countries?

Six. Would’ve been seven or even eight if Covid never blew up. I know my dad mentioned there were plans for us to go to Vietnam this year, and I also asked for a Thailand trip as a graduation present. Damn bat soup or whatever it was.

How many browser windows/tabs do you have open?

I have three Chrome windows in total. On the one I’m on, there are 13 tabs.

How many times have you blinked in the past minute?

I dunno, I never count that?

How many seconds are in a minute?

60.

Are you afraid of mathematics?

Calculus and trig, yeah. The other ones aren’t so bad.

What's the square root of 121? 11.

Sorry, sorry, the nightmare is over :) How about some more random questions to let you relax?

Have you ever read the webcomic xkcd?

I doubt it. I don’t think I’ve heard of it before.

Can you play an instrument?

Barely.

Can you read sheet music?

Not a chance.

What's your favorite kind of sandwich?

Monte Cristo! Omg, that sounds so good right now :( Banh mi is great too.

Do you have a bedtime?

Not strictly but I always try to get 7-8 hours of sleep on weeknights so that I’m sufficiently energized for work the next day.

Have you ever gone sledding?

No, I haven’t.

Have you ever carved a pumpkin? If so, what kind of face did you make?

Also no.

Do you ever make funny faces at yourself in the mirror?

I guess it’s happened before, but it’s not a regular occurrence.

Have you ever played the classic shaving-cream-in-the-hand prank on someone?

No.

Do you think that's a mean thing to do?

I don’t think that prank in particular is since shaving cream is harmless, but some pranks can definitely go too far which is why I’m generally not a fan of them.

Do you like cake?

Only very certain types. I can think of more cakes that I don’t like than the ones I can never get tired of.

Do you like pie?

Just savory ones, like chicken pot pie. Those are more up my alley than sweet pies, which are for the most part stuffed with a kind of fruit.

Do you like popsicles?

Sure, they’re refreshing.

Do you use the television or computer more?

Laptop.

Do you have a favorite chair to sit in?

Not really lolAre you getting tired of this survey?

It’s lengthy but I knew about it when I started this so I can’t complain about that; and the questions haven’t been annoying too so no, I wouldn’t say I’m tired of it.

Do you like to wear hats? When I have the chance to, yeah. They’re never a must for me though.

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?

Most of the time no. Oops.

Do your shoes provide lots of arch support?

I...don’t know. I don’t really pay attention.

Do you like to go to yard sales? I haven’t gone to one since I was a kid.

Have you ever had a yard sale at your house? I don’t think we ever did.

Do you like apples? I like some apple-flavored things like juice or candy. I can’t stand the actual fruit but y’all know that by now, haha.

Do you like peanut butter? Yessssssss. I love peanut butter and any peanut butter-flavored food.

Do you like licorice? Not really. They’re not common here so I don’t seek it out.

Do you like lima beans? It doesn’t sound like something I’d enjoy.

Do you like limes? Not particularly.

What color are your bedroom walls? White.

Guess how many questions you've done. I don't know either, so just guess. Before clicking on it I saw it had 200 or so questions, so I’m guessing we’re at the 180 or 190 mark considering how many questions are left below this.

What's your favorite color to wear? I feel prettiest in dark green or maroon. Do you tell secrets when people confide in you? I’m not sure what this is supposed to be asking, but I’ll give two answers. (1) I don’t spill other people’s secrets when they confide in me, and (2) When people confide in me, sometimes I’ll be inspired to share a secret of my own too, especially if it’s relevant to their situation. If I don’t think it’s going to be helpful, I just keep it to myself. Do you listen to your music with the volume up really high? Only when I’m extremely upset or furious. Do you like to try new foods? Absolutely. How many different programs are you currently using? Like applications? Currently, I have Chrome, Viber, and Notes turned on. How many different operating systems have you used? I’ve gone through Windows XP, Windows Vista, Windows 8, and then whatever updates have been done on macOS since 2015 - I don’t really keep track of their names lol. What time is it now? 12:03 PM. Are you wearing socks? Nope. Are you comfortable with yourself? These days, no. Do you lose small things (like your car keys) often? Hah, yes. Is your mind in the gutter? No. Have you ever broken a bone? I haven’t. Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert? I’m a healthy mix of both, I’d say. Which is still a great improvement for me because I used to be an introvert all the way through. Do you read the dictionary for fun? I literally did this for a time right after watching Akeelah and the Bee and having that movie change my life. It made me want to join a shit ton of spelling bees, but my interest waned when I realized there weren’t any being held here.  Tater tots or fries? Fries, only because I’ve never had the first. Do you like to wear flip flops? No. The thongs irritate my skin all the time and they always give me wounds. Are you more of an optimist or pessimist? I’m normally optimistic but it’s easier to be pessimistic nowadays. Do you like animals? Yes :) Do you like little kids? If they aren’t being a giant, rude pain in the ass. Are you a 'people person'? Yes. If I can’t satisfy everyone it bothers me. Have you ever seen a rainbow? Sure. How was your day? I haven’t cried today but I’m still sad. Otherwise, I don’t have a lot of strong feelings about this day just yet. What do you plan to do tomorrow? I don’t know yet. When was the last time you did laundry? Around two or three months ago. Have you ever played Snake? On the really old Nokia phones? For sure. Have you ever played Scrabble? Yeah. I took it up for one semester as a PE, hahaha. I also played it a lot when I was younger. Are there any television commercials that really get on your nerves? At the moment no, but this has happened many times before. Do you like scary movies? Sure. Are you itchy anywhere on your body? The left side of my forehead started to feel itchy when I read this. What's the title of the last book you read? Midnight Sun. Do you read more fiction or nonfiction books? Nonfictionnnnnnn. Are you a member of any clubs or organizations? I used to be, but now I’m an alumna because I’ve graduated college. What color is your favorite pair of socks? I don’t have a favorite pair. Do you own a lava lamp? No. Do you have anything else to say? Thanks for serving as a distraction and letting me kill some time.

[dylinski]

do 1-100, coward

I AM NO COWARD

anyone who actually reads through all this, god bless you. you can blame leigh @thessaia, i give you full authority.

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

of those three, pandora. although, i prefer apple music.

2. is your room messy or clean?

LMFAO. CLEAN? I DON’T KNOW HER

3. what color are your eyes?

brown, but they’re lighter than that in the right light. almost a caramel with a dark chocolate ring on the outside.

4. do you like your name? why?

yeah, i don’t mind it. its always been there. lol i mean i used to have different nicknames or pretend to be other people. idk i told my parents when i was like five i was going to change my name to Felicia Franchesca Sarahmichelle Lynn. don’t ask. in fifth grade (before dylan o’brien was even famous) i begged my parents to call me dylan and refused to respond to any other name for like a year. also, don’t ask.

5. what is your relationship status?

single as dingle

6. describe your personality in 3 words or less

CHAOTIC, SMARTASS, STABBY

7. what color hair do you have?

answered

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?

kia forte, although my dad calls it an orte since the “f” is missing. funny story, i  got pulled over and gave the dude my license and registration and shit but apparently, he didn’t look at it cause he put on the warning “orte” which i promptly laughed my ass off to. if he had given me a ticket i could have absolutely fought that bitch in court in won. SIR I DO NOT DRIVE AN ORTE. IS THAT ITALIAN? DO I LOOK LIKE I CAN AFFORD AN ITALIAN CAR? I DRIVE A FORTE SIR.

9. where do you shop?

ONLINE

10. how would you describe your style?

very idgaf

11. favorite social media account

tumblr

12. what size bed do you have?

full, it takes up my entire room so i couldn’t go bigger if i wanted to

13. any siblings?

answered

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

uk, always wanted to live there idk

15. favorite snapchat filter?

idk what its called but it has this higher temperature tone to it and gives me cute little freckles

16. favorite makeup brand(s)

i don’t wear make up, i used to use stilla (i think that’s how its spelled)

17. how many times a week do you shower?

i usually shower like every other day unless its hotter than a pair of saggy tits

18. favorite tv show?

that changes with the weather tbh. i can’t say i really have one. for a really long time it was supernatural though.

19. shoe size?

womans 11.5 (us) i think its a men’s 9?

20. how tall are you?

5′ 3″ or 160cm

21. sandals or sneakers?

sneakers. god i hate sandals.

22. do you go to the gym?

uh, no.

23. describe your dream date

answered

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

thats funny cause normally i don’t carry cash but i actually have $20 atm

25. what color socks are you wearing?

im not wearing any atm

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?

answered x2

27. do you have a job? what do you do?

not technically? i’m an hourly temp but i hardly get any hours since i cover for the full-time employee.

28. how many friends do you have?

irl: 0    online: too many to count

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?

oh god, i honest to god have no fucking clue. i don’t think about this stuff. i’ve done some stupid ass shit but my short term and long term memory are both shot to tits.

30. whats your favorite candle scent?

i think i answered this one for a different ask game. i hate most fragrances and artificial smells, even non-artifical ones. i got a sensitive sniffer. im chill with like vanilla though if its not too intense.

31. 3 favorite boy names

Dylan (not even cause dylan i’ve just always liked the name idk why), Jeremy, Jacob (the other two are random)

32. 3 favorite girl names

i know these are random as fuck, but i’ve always liked them so shoot me.

Andromeda, Persephone, Franchesca

33. favorite actor?

i like a lot of actors, way too many to fucking name and remember off the top of my noggin. for sanity’s sake, we’ll say dylan.

34. favorite actress?

god, again way too many to count. i can’t even think of any right now even though i know i have some. lets say Emily Hampshire

35. who is your celebrity crush?

answered36. favorite movie?

answered37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

i would love to read but my adhd makes it really hard to concentrate. i’ll have periods of time where i’ll read a bunch its insane and then i’ll just kind of stop for a while idk. i always loved because of win-dixie or a wrinkle in time, bridge to terabithia, and american assassin.

38. money or brains?

brains, then you can work for the money and you know shit

39. do you have a nickname? what is it?

sawahbwear, sassafras, whiskey, sar

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?

good lord, i don’t even know. way too many. definitely more than ten.

41. top 10 favorite songs

answered42. do you take any medications daily?

not anymore, i kept forgetting to take them so it fucked me up not being on a regular dosage so i just stopped taking all of them.

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

see, im weird af. cause like my skin is oily af, but also fucking dry and i have shitty eczema 44. what is your biggest fear?

answered45. how many kids do you want?

idfk. i mean for as long as i can remember i always wanted them, but tbh idk if im the type of person to have any…

46. whats your go to hair style?

messy bun

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

small, row house

48. who is your role model?

dont have one.

49. what was the last compliment you received?

probably from michelle i think, or alaina. idk i don’t keep track. unless you consider kiana calling me insane a compliment. 🤷‍♀️

50. what was the last text you sent?

“thankies”

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

tbh, i don’t think i ever thought he was real…pretty sure i could put in time out in preschool for making a kid cry cause i told them leprechauns weren’t real either.

52. what is your dream car?

mustang or challenger

53. opinion on smoking?

conflicted

54. do you go to college?

disappointingly

55. what is your dream job?

no clue

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

rural, but still close enough to shit it doesn’t take me an hour to go places.

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

haven't been to a hotel in a long ass time. i do but i never use them.. FREE SHIT

58. do you have freckles?

yeah, but you can’t see them unless i’ve been outside in the sun all day for hours.

59. do you smile for pictures?

relatively

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?

5604

61. have you ever peed in the woods?

yup, and in a parking lot, and in public.🤙

62. do you still watch cartoons?

i hardly watch tv anymore, but if i did, fuCK YEAH

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

WNEDYS ALL DAY ERRY DAY THE RED HEADED BITCH IS MY HOE OKAY

64. Favorite dipping sauce?

ew, no.

65. what do you wear to bed?

tshirt

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?

answered

67. what are your hobbies?

writing, coding, listening to music??, reading

68. can you draw?

NOPE

69. do you play an instrument?

also no

70. what was the last concert you saw?

like two years ago, circa survive with thrice and a third band idr

71. tea or coffee?

neither

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

neither

73. do you want to get married?

idk

74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?

DO

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?

idk, part of me wants to but most of me doesnt want to

76. what color looks best on you?

i look good in all colors except white.

77. do you miss anyone right now?

yeah

78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed cause i still live at home 😖 but if i didnt probably open so my cat could come and go as he pleased

79. do you believe in ghosts?

ghosts, no. spirits, yes.

80. what is your biggest pet peeve?

answered

81. last person you called

my dad

82. favorite ice cream flavor?

mint choco chip

83. regular oreos or golden oreos?

damn, regular.

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

RAINBOW BITCHES

85. what shirt are you wearing?

supernatural. dean and sam with baby

86. what is your phone background?

mitch rapp

87. are you outgoing or shy?

im an ambivert

88. do you like it when people play with your hair?

FUCKING YES

89. do you like your neighbors?

the ones on the right are bearable and the ones on the left can fuck off with their insane semen demons

90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

neither, but i should.

91. have you ever been high?

nope

92. have you ever been drunk?

answered

93. last thing you ate?

hot dog

94. favorite lyrics right now

answered

95. summer or winter?

fall

96. day or night?

night

97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?

dark

98. favorite month?

umm, august? idk

99. what is your zodiac sign

aquarius

100. who was the last person you cried in front of?

i don’t remember, it’s been a really long time since i cried in front of someone.

[unityghost]

Morning Glory

Part 25 (yikes, wow, homegirl needs a social life) of the Post-Asmodeus Sabriel Feels series.

Based on one of the most intriguing prompts I've ever received:

Gabe's always torn between wanting to be hurt and wanting to be looked after, so if (somehow) he ended up being caught by a djinn what would he see? and how would he react once someone (read Sam lol) woke him up? like, would he be guilty for dreaming of going on hunts with the Winchesters and feeling like family or freaked out BC he'd just seen Sam attack him with the archangel blade? - Type40Treklock (Fanfiction.net)

It took me too long to get to this. Tumblr followers ... you have been patient with me. Thank you and I'm sorry for the wait!

                                         Morning Glory                                                   

Is everything okay?

You’re not hurt, are you?

I’m not the only one who’s worried. If we don’t hear from you, we’ll come and shake you out of whatever hangover is keeping you from texting back.

“Gabriel,” Castiel interrupted, “I doubt that they’ve gone four days without contact just because of a drunken stupor.”

Gabriel looked up from his phone. “Oh yeah? You’d put it past Dean to take a long-ass Epicurean detour?”

“No, I wouldn’t. But we should at least have heard from Sam. Don’t you agree?”

Gabriel sighed. “Yeah. I do.”

“In any case,” Castiel went on, “You’re right that there’s nothing in your recent exchanges with Sam to shed any light on their predicament.”

“Hey, hey, there might not even be a predicament. This radio silence could be chalked up to anything.”

“Yes.” Cas looked somber. “That’s exactly why we’re here. Speaking of which, I don’t mind flying you back home if you feel ambivalent about this.”

“Cas, please. I already told you eight hundred times that I don’t want you looking into this by yourself.”

“You know that I’m perfectly capable of self-preservation.”

“All right, I get it: I’m not. Don’t try to butter me up with subtext, Castiel.” Besides their voices, the only sounds were the twin notes of a chickadee hiding in the brambles that flanked a nearby playground. The air was heavy and warm, and the sky threatened rain. “Now listen: are you really going to spend your energy on how high I’ll flip my lid if I find Sam hurt, and not stop to consider how I’d react to you getting caught off guard just because you didn’t come with backup?”

Cas grew uneasy. “It isn’t that I don’t understand, Gabriel; I just ...” But he didn’t continue.

“I’m going to take the east wing,” Gabriel told him. “You take the west. Let’s scope the place out for those negligent blockheads instead of wasting time.”

A weird case out in some abandoned hospital, Sam had told Gabriel. But pretty routine, it looks like. Doubt it’ll take more than a couple of days.

Cas had had the good sense to trace the brothers’ cell phones. Locating the signal meant two things: one, the phones were turned on and Sam and Dean could have been answering if they wanted to; and two, Cas and Gabriel didn’t have to spend too much time figuring out exactly which drowsy pocket of suburban Idaho hosted the ruins of an orphaned hospital.

Cas and Gabriel strode to the doors together, but Castiel pulled Gabriel back before either could go inside. “Wait.”

“What?” Castiel appeared vaguely uncomfortable. “I … I have my grace.”

“Mazel tov.”

“And you have ... you have ...”

“Not yet clawed my way back to the surface of the pitiful noodle-pond that used to be raw, untethered cosmic power? What, really, are you sure? Because I hadn’t noticed.” He shook Castiel off. “Cut it out. I wouldn’t have followed you if I thought I couldn’t handle my part in the game.”

That was not entirely true, Gabriel acknowledged privately. He wasn’t useful so much as he was expendable: if he could buy them any kind of time, the extent to which he was able to protect himself wouldn’t matter. What was important was that they find Sam and Dean and, if either of the brothers were injured or trapped, ensure their safety.

The doors were not locked, and probably hadn’t been for a long time – partly because the empty building was ideal for anyone who didn’t want to be noticed by police, and partly because crime rates in this town were impressively low.

The lobby offered an unsettling mixture of scents: there was the damp, rotted wood of the front desk; there was rainwater that had leaked through cracks and crevices; they could smell moldy blankets and a warm undernote of something that might have been human decay.

“Let’s split up,” said Gabriel, just as Castiel said, “Let’s stick together.”

“What did I say about east and west?” Gabriel reminded him. “That’s what this is for.” He held up his phone. “I’ll text you to let you know where I am. You do the same. Or, if things get out of hand, call me and use code phrase ‘Bengal cat.’”

“I really think –”

But Gabriel ignored him to follow the metal wall plaque that directed him to the east wing of the hospital.

What he found was disconcerting: several of the beds were stripped, but some displayed carefully folded sheets that had flushed to the color of jaundice. There were rooms full of cots lined up side by side, and others whose beds had been turned over or shoved into corners. A few of the wards, and one stairwell, had old bloodstains on the floor.

A vengeful spirit, we think, Sam had said. Possibly more than one.

Gabriel bent down to peer beneath each bed. He knew that neither Sam nor Dean could lie there undetected, but perhaps he would find clues, something to guide him to their exact whereabouts or to suggest that they were in trouble.

Truthfully, Gabriel hoped he would find nothing. He was not searching for a body, and had no desire to muddy that conviction with anything that would look at home in an evidence bag.

Any luck? Castiel texted.

I found a mouse, Gabriel wrote back.

A mouse?

Neither of them; I checked. It wasn’t wearing plaid.

Half an hour later, Gabriel got in touch again: I can’t find anything. Gonna check the basement.

The message didn’t send. So he tried a second time, and once more it failed to go through.

Gabriel didn’t have much faith in his relationship with modern technology, because there was plenty he had missed during his time in Hell, and he hadn’t taken much time to acquaint himself with the multiplicity of devices that had flooded the world he thought he would never see again. It wasn’t a priority; there was so much else to learn, so much else to figure out.

With reluctance, Gabriel tried communicating with Castiel telepathically. If Cas felt anything, there was nothing to show for it, and Gabriel did not want to exhaust what little grace he might be able to access in case of an emergency. His grace had lately been fluid, unpredictable, and messy; he could rarely anticipate how much he might have at his disposal at any given time.

He could only assume that the message would send sooner or later, that perhaps it was moving slowly because of signal problems.

Not until Gabriel was in the basement did he realize exactly what was in the basement.

He squared his shoulders and reminded himself that of course they had to check the morgue; it made sense. The morgue was like any other section of the hospital, a room that might contain the living as well as the dead – and, perhaps, the not-quite-living and the maybe-dead.

But Gabriel hesitated. There could be no denying the stench of human putrefaction at this point. This was the first time since his arrival that he realized Cas might have been right to worry about him.

So he detached himself and pretended that he was watching another individual press his palms to either of the cold metal doors.

That was when somebody seized him from behind.

“No!” Gabriel screamed, and tried to throw his captor off. Its grip was hard and tight and unforgiving; this grip was confident and hungry, and Gabriel knew what that meant.

For a moment, he wondered how he could have ever confused the cautious warmth of Sam’s hands with the hands of a monster: this kind of touch, this kind of brutality, was fully recognizable as evil.

He tried to kick the thing’s legs and bite its hand. He felt a palm pressed to his mouth and this time not only smelled but tasted the meaty odor of decay.

He screamed into its hand until there was the tang of blood in his throat. He reached inside of himself for his grace, desperate for power that simply wasn’t there.

“Sleep,” the thing whispered into his ear, and Gabriel grew sick with panic. His nightmares were here, alive and real and ugly, and there was no one to help guide him back to a sense of security.

Gabriel could not remember ever wanting Sam as badly as he did in that moment.

The hand on his mouth was so strong he couldn’t breathe. Somewhere in his mind he knew that he didn’t need to breathe in order to survive, but the terror didn’t abate.

He was still screaming, still sobbing, when he opened his eyes and saw that he was lying in bed in an unfamiliar room illuminated by sunshine.

The smell of death was gone, replaced with the cool scent of cleaners and laundry detergents. The carpet was spotlessly white, and in the corner stood a table with a half-empty bottle of wine and four glasses that still had crimson dregs at the bottom.

He choked on his own tears and stole as many quick, ragged breaths as he could.

The door clicked open and he scrambled away, slipping off of the other side of the mattress.

“Gabriel!”

It was a voice he knew, and the arms that lifted him back onto the bed were not the arms of a brute.

Gabriel was shaking and moaning. He knew how helpless and pathetic he sounded, but he also had heard himself make those sounds before.

“You’re all right,” Sam murmured. “Just a bad dream, okay? Just a bad dream. You’re all right.”

“Where am I?” Gabriel rasped. “What happened?”

“Ssh, it’s like I said - I think you just had a nightmare. Sorry, I thought a nap would help you feel better. You wore yourself out setting all this up for us, I think.”

“What are you - ” Gabriel blinked rapidly, shivering and whimpering as he tried not only to form a question but to figure out whether it was even safe to ask. “Set what up? I didn’t - I don’t - ” His eyes flicked over the room, and he knew then what he wanted to say - A non-smoking suite, I see, spic-and-span as Aunt Doris’s pearls - but couldn’t get it out.

Sam seemed at something of a loss. All he could offer was a hand on Gabriel’s arm, trying to steady him.

“Two minutes ago,” Gabriel managed, “I - I was - ” There was the possibility that he had finally broken, had finally lost his mind really and completely; and the thought made him feel dizzy.

But there was a second possibility that slowed his blood to an icy crawl. “Sam?”

“What is it, Gabe?”

“Does Asmodeus have anything to do with this?”

Sam’s voice was gentle. “Hey, no, of course not. He won’t hurt you again, bud."

“He can mess with me; he can screw around with my memory, my perception - ”

“Yes. He used to be able to do that.” Sam gripped Gabriel’s shoulder. “But not anymore. You’re safe, Gabe, I promise.”

“Where am I? Am I still in Idaho?”

“Idaho?” Sam used his sleeve to help wipe Gabriel’s face, and Gabriel didn’t try to resist. “With this many beaches and kangaroos?”

Gabriel shut his eyes. “Jesus O’Malley, we’re in Australia.”

“Yeah. You brought us here, remember? Set up this hotel for us. Everyone else is down at the pool right now. Jack got to hold a koala this morning. You did a lot for us, and I think maybe you’re just exhausted.”

Gabriel shivered. “Sam, did you ever have so much trouble telling them apart? Dreams and - and what’s really happening?”

Sam considered. “I don’t think so.”

“Not even with Lucifer?” Gabriel was desperate for Sam to be right; he longed for confirmation that he really had just tired himself to the point of oblivion. Or perhaps Sam was lying to him and pretending that Gabriel had achieved something of which he had not been capable for hundreds and hundreds of years.

Sam frowned. “With who?”

“You know who. With my skeezewaffle of a brother.”

Sam looked puzzled. “Who, Jack’s dad? I met him twice at most.”

Gabriel simply stared.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked.

“Um. I just … I feel like an idiot.”

“Don’t feel - ”

“This should have been obvious right away.” Gabriel felt his shoulders relax slightly: he was in no danger from Asmodeus, or from his own insanity.

Before Sam could press him, there was a vigorous rapping at the door.

Gabriel swept the heels of his hands over his eyes in a final attempt to dry them. “Is that Africa by Toto?”

Sam sighed and went to open the door.

“Catch!” cried Dean, throwing a towel across the room to land on Gabriel’s head.

Gabriel tore it off. “This is wet, you maniac! I don’t need your cooties.”

“It ain’t my fault if your reflexes are molasses.” Dean was clad only in neon-orange swim trunks. “I figured a whiff of chlorine might wake you up.”

“You’re gross, Dean,” said Sam.

Castiel and Jack stood behind Dean, dressed more modestly with t-shirts over their swim trunks.

“Jack,” Gabriel croaked. He felt a strangely potent sense of relief at the sight of his nephew.

But Cas spoke first. “Are you feeling refreshed? If you’re up to it, we can go out for dinner.”

Gabriel didn’t reply. Instead, he did what he would have done in any situation: he looked at Sam, hoping he would have answers.

“We’ll order in,” Sam said. “It’ll be fun to try some of the local cuisine, don’t you think, Gabriel?”

“I … I guess.”

“Poor guy’s still recovering from last night,” Dean interrupted. “Doesn’t even have his voice back from the karaoke.” He nudged Gabriel, who tensed at the contact. “Don’t worry, I got the best of your performance on video.”

“Really?” exclaimed Jack. “I want to see.”

Dean glanced at Gabriel. “I don’t know if I’d sanction a G rating on that one.”

“Well,” Castiel chimed in, “We had a good night too.”

Jack’s face brightened. “Yeah, Sam and Cas and I had pizza and ice cream and watched the latest Steve Irwin special.”

“Lucky bastard and all his academy awards,” said Dean. “I hear he’s got his own theme park now.”

Jack peered more closely at Gabriel. “Uncle Gabe - have you been crying?”

“No,” said Gabriel.

But Jack looked disturbed. “I’ve never seen you cry before.”

“Really? I mean, uh - I’m fine. I’m okay. I think I might be allergic to Vegemite.”

Jack took a moment to evaluate, then stepped forward and hugged him.

Gabriel froze.

“I love you,” said Jack. “You’re the best.”

It took Gabriel several seconds to remember that he was supposed to hug back. The embrace lingered until he pulled away, before the smell of chlorine and the dampness of Jack’s hair on his cheek could become any more real.

Dean spoke up. “I don’t know about anyone else, but I could use a shower.” He waltzed into the bathroom and shut the door. Then there came the hiss of running water.

Sam groaned. “You can kick him out and make him use the bathroom you set up for him.”

“I think he likes your custom shampoo,” Jack told Gabriel.

“So I suppose after we’ve all freshened up,” said Cas, “We can decide what to do. Or rather, Gabriel, you can decide whether you have any energy to go out. Trust me, no one will feel neglected if you’d prefer to keep things on the quieter side this evening. Oh, and Sam - ” Cas laid a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “If you aren’t feeling up to anything - ”

“Don’t worry about me, Cas.” Sam smiled. “ I’m fine.”

“I know, but … the last hunt was a lot. You were in pain. So if you’re still feeling the effects, we can lie low tonight. I can make sure that - ”

“Relax. I’m good. It’s like Dean said at breakfast, you’ve done enough for us. All right? No need to keep trying to take care of everyone.”

Gabriel’s gaze flitted back and forth between the two of them. “What hunt are we talking about?”

Sam waved a dismissive hand. “Doesn’t matter. I’ve hardly thought about it since you healed me up. Cas is overreacting. Which I appreciate, but I’m really okay.”

Cas nodded. “All right.” He slid his hand from Sam’s shoulder. “In that case, why don’t Jack and I go back to our room and settle down for a while? I have no reason to suspect that Jack is anything but satisfied with the shampoo in our bathroom.”

Jack smiled at Gabriel, and Gabriel snapped his eyes away.

“So,” Sam began once Jack and Cas had exited the room, “You okay?”

“Yes.” The word came out as a whisper.

“No you’re not,” Sam insisted. “I haven’t seen you like this in a long time.”

“I’m … I’m feeling fine, Sam. It’s like you said: just a really awful dream.”

“Do you want me in here with you? I don’t mind sticking around for however long you need me for.”

“I don’t. Obviously I’ve got your brother to keep me company.”

Sam’s eyes flitted to the bathroom door. “He means well, I guess. I think he needed some time off.”

“Well, that’s what I’m here for. Me, my supercharged celestial batteries, and a non-stop flight to the land down under.”

Sam smiled. “I’ll come back to check on you in a little bit, okay? And if Dean gives you any trouble just throw him to the dingoes.”

“Mm. You know I will.”

Gabriel watched Sam exit the room, studiously ignoring the surge of grief at the back of his throat.

He gave himself no time to dwell on what would happen next.

The first place he checked was the bedside drawer. There, he found a copy of the King James Bible that contained what were more than likely Gabriel’s emendations: “Don’t be afraid, Mary,” said the angel, “For you are in favor with Daddy-o. Congratulations, it’s a boy, and you shall call him either Jesus or Scott - I forget which one.”

He moved to the closet, which turned out to be full of clothing better suited for a wedding or seventies-themed disco party than a relaxing weekend away. Which, Gabriel reflected, made sense if he and Dean had decided to take advantage of traits that, in another life, might have led to something like companionship.

When an examination of the closet yielded no results, Gabriel moved to the table and bent over the duffel bag on the chair. When he unzipped it he found swimwear, perhaps his own. There were trunks, a pair of goggles, some flippers.

Sitting on top of the aquatic regalia sat a rectangular box: slim, unassuming, and discreetly coffin-like.

Feeling triumphant, Gabriel lifted the lid.

Then he heard the bathroom door open behind him.

“Don’t,” said Dean.

Gabriel straightened up but didn’t turn around. “It’s not real.”

“It kind of is, man.” The shower was still running. Gabriel could feel the steam coming from the bathroom, as lifelike as anything else he had encountered thus far. “Look, nobody’s trying to force philosophy into what should just be a nice little family getaway, but - ”

“Don’t use that word,” Gabriel snapped.

“What word?”

“Shut up; you know what word. And I agree that we should keep superfluous proselytizing to a minimum.”

“If you do this,” Dean told him, “You’re making it real.”

Gabriel sighed, then turned to face him. Dean had a towel around his waist.

“You know what, sensei?” Gabriel said. “Get back in the shower and don’t watch if it bothers you so much.”

“Once you see how easy it is, Gabe - ”

“It isn’t easy. It’s practical. Listen, pal, I’ve been around long enough to remember how to pop this lock. Getting out of here will be a breeze no matter what shortcuts I gotta take.”

Dean shook his head. “What reason to you have to leave?”

“You know perfectly well what reasons I have.”

“You’re worried about Sammy, right?” There was an odd melancholy in Dean’s face - an expression halfway between resignation and desperation that Gabriel had never seen on him in real life. “Now’s as good a time as any to worry about your own happiness, Gabriel.” Gabriel tensed, annoyed by the warmth of his full name. “You’re allowed to stick around for you if that’s what you want.”

Gabriel swallowed. “It’s not what I want.”

“Really? Just because you know Sam would miss you?”

Gabriel traced his fingers over the flat of the blade as though toying with a Rubik’s cube. “I miss him, too.”

“He’s right here, Gabe.”

“It’s not the same and you know it.”

“And what’s he going to say when he finds out about this? You have any idea what kind of pain this would cause him? To know what you did to get out? To know how damn easy it was to get your hands on the archangel blade in your deepest fantasies?”

Gabriel closed his eyes. “Who says he has to find out?”

And he raised the knife.

Gabriel remembered very little of what happened after it was done. Somebody lifted him, possibly even tried to carry him - until he fought with such ferocity that the newcomer let go, and Gabriel staggered forward with some assistance.

Somewhere amid the confusion and exhaustion, he registered that there was no odor of death on the arms that guided him. The voice in his ear, saying things like, “Try not to fall over” and “It’s just me,” was soft and familiar.

The next thing of which Gabriel was entirely conscious was waking up in his own bedroom, rolling onto his side, and seeing nobody.

Not real, he thought, but then remembered that it probably was. He had done what needed to be done in order to extract himself from that venomous amusement park with all its perfect temptations.

He pushed off the blankets. Someone had made sure to leave the bedside light on. He was dressed in the same clothes he’d worn on his trip to the hospital. Gabriel felt himself relax slightly: nobody had stripped him down.

When he tried to sit up, he hissed in pain. Peeling back his shirt, Gabriel saw that there were bandages on his abdomen, moistened with blood. Of course - there would not be enough grace for him to heal any injuries sustained during unconsciousness. He hoped it was Sam who had tended to the wound.

That was when Gabriel remembered that Sam could be anywhere, that he might have imagined his presence in the hospital earlier. Panicked, Gabriel forced himself to his feet and ignored the dizziness that came with the sudden movement.

He heard hurried footsteps, and the door slammed open.

“Sit down!” Sam cried, hurrying over to him. “Come on, don’t try to get up - not yet.”

He guided Gabriel back down.

“I’m fine,” said Gabriel. “Just made the fatal mistake of trying to stand up before all my senses had a chance to rehabilitate themselves. Did your spidey senses tingle?”

“No, I - I just heard you moving around.”

Gabriel closed his eyes, willing the vertigo away. “Hey. Potato brains. You told me you were facing down a vengeful spirit.”

“Yeah, we were.” Sam tucked the blankets more securely around Gabriel’s shoulders. “The djinn was the one to kill the guy.”

“Well, didn’t you two just hit the jackpot.”

“You shouldn’t have tried chasing after us, Gabriel.”

“Wasn’t my idea.” Gabriel opened his eyes and focused on Sam’s face. “I didn’t want Cas going solo.”

Sam sighed, looking worried and relieved all at once. He seemed to be waiting for Gabriel to speak.

Finally, Gabriel did. “Look, I’m sorry. I wish I’d been able to defend myself. At the very least to put up a good fight. If my grace levels were anywhere near where they should be, that thing wouldn’t have gotten within two feet of me, let alone into my head.”

“It’s okay. Don’t apologize.”

“How long was I down there, Sam?”

“Not long, I’m pretty sure. We heard you screaming.” Gabriel blinked. “Then you were down there with me? I was on your trail?” Please tell me I did something right.

Sam nodded. “By then, we’d caught on that we might be looking for more than just a pissed-off spirit. Guess you were in the right place at the wrong time, huh?” He forced a smile. “Thanks, but why didn’t you at least wait for backup?”

“Didn’t want to lose time. Cas was half-convinced we were on the prowl for a pair of Winchester-shaped corpses. Sam … in what universe did you think it was okay to ignore us for that long?”

Sam shrugged. “Couple of teenagers stole our phones. And wallets.”

“How hunterly of you to allow adolescent fugitives to make off with your valuables. Why didn’t you at least pray to me or Cas? I mean - I don’t know that I would’ve heard you, my grace being as floppy as it is, but he would have.”

Sam offered another weak smile. “We didn’t think about that, Gabriel. We weren’t in any serious trouble. Why would we ask for help when we didn’t need it?” He peered more closely at Gabriel, whose expression must have betrayed something of which Gabriel was unaware, because Sam added, “Hey, it’s okay; I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you’d be that freaked out. We got everything back in the end, when we - ” He hesitated for a second before concluding. “When we found the kids in the morgue.”

“In the … ah. I see. The rendezvous spot for illicit recreation.”

“Just enough to mortify their God-fearing parents, probably.”

“I’m sure Dad was plenty concerned with their antics. What about Castiel; is he all right? Did he get out?”

“He’s fine. Cas wasn’t hurt.”

“All right. Good to know I’m the only one who can’t look out for myself.”

Sam caught the bitterness in Gabriel’s voice. “Stop.”

“No, actually - ” Gabriel pushed himself up a little straighter. “Don't you want to know what kind of utopic frenzy that bastard cooked up for me?”

Sam was quiet. Then he replied, “Honestly, I kind of do.”

“Good. Because in the interest of science, I want to get it on the record that I can tell you the whole thing without breaking down. As a reward I’ll let myself take home that this didn’t all happen just because I’m brittler than fried seaweed.”

Sam looked pained. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I understand.”

“No, no, let me see - so I have it on the books - how far I can push myself before sacrificing my dignity to an inflamed maw of shitty memories. First, can I get Sigmund Freudchester’s opinion on something?”

“I … yeah, sure. What?”

“What does it say to you that the djinn made things so that I’d still been held prisoner by Asmodeus?”

Horror passed over Sam’s face. “You were with him? In Hell?”

“No, no, yuck, not with him; it had still happened to me, though, and you were the good egg who kept wasting fuel on the little engine that couldn’t. What’s your take on that? What do you think?”

Sam’s face had gone pale. “I don’t know, Gabriel.”

“Really? Well, I think I do.” There was something manic in Gabriel now, something he couldn’t control. He was, perhaps, a little angry, a little frantic, although he could not have said why. “It just confirms for me that if I had the opportunity to unwrite this script, to change what happened to me, to make it so that I had never been his favorite toy - ”

“You wouldn’t.” Sam looked horrified, but did not sound surprised.

“Exactly,” Gabriel told him. “Because I wasn’t meant to be treated any differently. Getting out of Hell was just a maggot turning into a fly. No real upgrade. And if I didn’t have the courage to actually wish that I was back where I was supposed to be, then I at least had the common decency to take some of what I deserved.”

“Gabriel, please don’t - ”

“I only knew for sure it was just tripe when you came out and said you’d never faced Lucifer. No - wait - you called him ‘Jack’s dad.’ As if you’d signed the adoption papers, bada-bing, bada-boom, the kid’s ours. And Jack - he was so damn innocent, nary a shit to give, just some happy little kid who made it clear how hardcore he loved his uncle. Because Uncle Gabe had the power of freaking kangaroos on hand, and - ”

“Stop.” Sam held up a hand. He seemed to have recovered a little. “You know what the djinn does, don’t you? You’re supposed to - to think that its world is better. You’re supposed to not want to get out.” He paused. “Um …”

“Go ahead,” Gabriel pressed. “You know how I got out.”

Sam looked at him. “Well, I’m glad you did.”

Unconsciously, Gabriel touched his stomach. The wound there was from where the monster had stolen blood. “Let’s just get this out of the way. I know you’re probably angry as Hell about it.”

That seemed to take Sam by surprise. “No! Well - I mean - if you still think about that sometimes; if you … if you can’t help …”

“It’s fine, Sam; I get it. Be pissed.”

“I’m not pissed. I … I mean … do you want me to be mad?”

“I don’t want anything from you, Sam; you do you.”

“Listen, I get that some days are better than others, and that sometimes you’re just not going to … you know …” Sam gave a frustrated sigh. “I’m just trying to say that I know you can’t control what goes through your head. It’s not your fault, that’s all. But I wish you could shake off this idea that you deserved what you got. And that you somehow have to - I don’t know - to make something up to us.”

“Sam,” Gabriel pleaded, “Jack got to hold a koala.”

Sam just laid a hand on his arm, waiting, perhaps, for Gabriel to say more.

“You have every right to be angry,” Gabriel said finally. “You know - you can be upset about the archangel blade. Because you do everything in your power to make me care about myself, and all I do is fight back.”

“Gabriel …” Sam kept his hand in place as he thought about how to respond. “I’m not mad. Really. I’m not. You used it to live. You could have been happy there, but you decided to come back. How could I be angry about that?”

Gabriel tensed. “Uh. I was more thinking along the lines of how easy it was to get to it. It was sitting there in a duffel bag, right where I could grab it in an emergency. You know, you never know when you might need to - to slice open a cantaloupe or …” He trailed off, then cleared his throat and tried again. “It’s the freedom of having the choice. You get that, right? Sort of?”

Sam nodded. “And you made a choice. Look at that.”

Gabriel shivered.

“You cold?” Sam asked.

“No,” Gabriel told him, “Just a wreck. Make a note in the spreadsheet for further evaluation later. This is proving to be an interesting experiment, wouldn’t you say?” He took a deep breath. “I can’t give you what you gave me, Sam. A home. Good memories. A feeling of safety. Somewhere to be afraid without getting hurt in the end. I can’t give that to you or Dean or Cas or Jack.”

“We don’t need those things from you.”

“You need them from someone, Sam, and I owe you at least that much.”

“You need to be - oh, hey - ” Sam withdrew his hand and used the blankets to help dry Gabriel’s face.

“Add it to the log,” Gabriel whispered. “I failed the experiment.”

“It’s okay to be upset. You know that. Crying is probably good for you.”

“You know what else is good for you? Bikram yoga. But it sucks and you look like a clown doing it.” Gabriel shuddered again. “You know - his hands, they felt like - they reminded me of - ”

“Whose hands? The djinn’s?”

“Yes.”

“What about them?”

“They felt like his. And I just - right then, when I felt him - ” Gabriel squeezed his eyes shut and felt a tear trickle over his temple and into his ear. “Sorry - when I felt him, I thought of you. Not because it felt like how it feels when you’re with me, or when you touch me. Because it felt so different.”

“I could lie down with you, if you want.”

Gabriel didn’t answer, and kept his eyes closed. He felt Sam, who had learned to read Gabriel’s silence, recline next to him.

“Is there anything else you want to tell me about?” Sam asked.

Gabriel curled in on himself and cried.

He felt Sam pull him close. “You’re tired, Gabriel. You need some rest. Try and sleep, yeah?”

Gabriel didn’t respond.

“Sleep,” Sam repeated.

It sounded so different coming from him.

[sacredlettersspn]

Letter #1: Fear (Pilot, 1x01)

Welcome to the first letter of The Sacred Letters of Supernatural. I’m glad to have you here with me on this journey. I want to take a moment to say thank you to those who have already shown their support for the project on Tumblr and Twitter. You gave this project the kickstart it needed to get off the ground. And for those who will be jumping on board now and in the future, thank you. 

I also want to thank the people over at Harry Potter and the Sacred Text, the podcast which inspired this project. I hope to take the inspiration and love for Harry Potter that you show through your podcasts and channel that into my love for the show Supernatural. I also hope to take this project and make it my own while learning from the work put into Harry Potter and the Sacred Text. 

As I begin my work on this project, I find myself wishing I had a text to hold. There is something special about holding a book in your hands as you read from it, something about feeling the physical object in my hands helps me learn. But Supernatural is primarily a visual and auditory experience and I think there’s something special about that, too. We can see more details, see how characters react in body language and tone of voice. The set design, lighting, and color choices can clue us into what’s happening on screen. We don’t get internal dialogue or exposition of a character’s introspection on television, but I think many of the visual and auditory aspects make up for that. 

So with that being said, let’s begin the first Sacred Letter of Supernatural.

I want to start with a personal story. When I was a young child, I did not like Chinese food. I wouldn’t eat it. When my dad tried to convince me to try Chinese food as a child, it would usually result in tears. It wasn’t until years later as an adult that I learned that when I was about four years old, I had Chinese food for dinner and a stomach bug the same evening. You maybe can see where this is going? My parents’ bed sheets were ruined, let’s just say that. But that moment, the feeling of that memory, stayed with me many years even though I couldn’t remember the actual incident. This aversion was something my dad didn’t understand. I remember very vividly sitting in a Chinese buffet with my plain chicken, french fries, and a few vegetables. My dad is trying to make me try various different foods. I keep saying no and become so upset at the pressure to “just get over it,” I cry in the restaurant. To my dad, Chinese food was just chicken or pork with noodles, rice, and vegetables. It was delicious. To me, Chinese food was the reason I had become violently ill, and my body couldn’t forget that. The body’s memory of fear can be a powerful force in our day-to-day lives.

By now, you may have guessed our theme for today’s letter: fear. The Merriam Webster dictionary defines fear as “an unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.” I also like the definition given by Google which defines fear as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” I like how the second definition highlights the idea that fear is tied to our own beliefs that something is dangerous. This says to me that some people can believe that something is scary and experience fear, while others do not see the same danger. Like in my story about having this fear of Chinese food, I expected it to be dangerous while those around me did not. They couldn’t understand my fear. 

But I think we can understand the fear that’s happening in the pilot episode of Supernatural. For the fandom, this episode is iconic. We will likely never forget the visuals and lines of dialogue, many of which are echoed in episodes fifteen years later, but I’ll still give you a quick recap of what happens in this episode. 

The year is 1982, and we are introduced to the Winchester family on the night that their mother, Mary Winchester, dies. She is murdered by a mysterious figure who breaks into baby Sam’s nursery. When Mary goes to check on Sam, she interrupts this figure and is attacked. We see some of the ordeal, most poignantly the image of her stuck to the ceiling, stomach cut, and flames igniting around her. Her husband, John Winchester, sees her on the ceiling as well. John knows something is not normal about the way she dies. 

When we fast forward twenty-two years, Sam has been in college and is living with his girlfriend. He seems to be enjoying life. But he hasn’t talked to his family in four years. Unexpectedly, Dean shows up, tells him that their father is missing on a hunting trip, and Sam agrees to help Dean find their father. To track his whereabouts, they listen to a voicemail in which John says something bigger is happening, something dangerous. 

On the search for their father, they are led to a potential haunting where several men have been reported missing on a stretch of highway over the years. John had been on the case before he disappeared. The boys find out which motel John was staying at and find his room, but are caught by police and Dean is arrested. However, they are able to figure out that the ghost they’re hunting is a Woman in White and Dean’s arrest leads them to John’s journal where John has recorded everything he knows about the supernatural. 

The boys end up getting rid of the Woman in White, and they find out where John wants them to go next. However, Sam insists on being back home for his law school interview the next morning, so Dean takes him home. When Sam goes inside, he lays down in bed, looks up, and finds Jessica on the ceiling like his mom. The ceiling catches on fire around her. She can’t be saved. The episode ends with Sam and Dean outside of their car, the 1967 Impala. Sam says, “We got work to do,” before slamming the trunk full of hunting supplies shut and leaving with Dean for the next case.

Moments of fear are littered throughout this pilot. Given that the genre of the show involves ghosts, monsters, and demons, it makes sense that fear would be an integral part of each episode. But I want to focus on a key scene of this episode and how fear plays a special role in defining the Winchesters’ lives.

The opening scene of the Winchester family tucking in for the night is heartwarming. Everyone smiles at least once, John and Mary are doting on their children, John appears to be an involved, helpful father as he helps tuck the boys in for the night. There is a lot of focus on Sam. We get this shot of just Sam in his crib, laughing, playing with his feet, a shot of Mary kissing him goodnight, and a shot of John specifically saying, “Sweet Dreams, Sammy.” It sets up an expectation that Sam is the main focus, if not the main character, and it adds to the sweet feeling I get while watching this scene. 

But there are hints that something isn’t right. The opening scene of this episode is an exterior shot of the house at night with shadows of tree limbs crawling up the side of the home. The limbs are moving unnaturally. There’s suspenseful music playing. You know something is wrong and your fears are confirmed when the mobile in Sam’s nursery begins moving on its own, the clock stops at 8:12pm, the nightlight flickers, and the baby monitor in the parents’ room makes odd, high frequency noises. When Mary wakes up, John is not in the room. Mary sees John standing in Sam’s nursery, with more lights flickering in the hall. While Mary does not seem to be afraid, the viewer by now knows that she should be afraid. And that moment comes soon enough when she hears the tv on downstairs, and sees John asleep in a chair. She runs back upstairs to Sam with who she now knows is an intruder. We don’t see what happens between Mary and this mysterious figure, but we hear the screams and we see what happens next. John runs upstairs, finds Sam alone in the crib, and thinks everything is fine until he notices the blood dripping from the ceiling. That’s when he looks up, sees his wife on the ceiling, a slash across her stomach. He falls to the ground, looking up at the ceiling with horror as fire bursts around his wife and Sam begins to wail.

What strikes me about this whole first scene is how much we don’t see, and we can only notice what’s missing after having watched this show for its many seasons. We don’t see what happens to Sam, so we don’t know the reason for the man visiting his nursery. We don’t see Mary’s interaction with this man. John doesn’t even see the man. He only sees his wife on the ceiling, dying. And that’s why this scene is so horrifying to me. It turns the world of the Winchesters upside down, ruins every good thing we saw in their warm, family interactions, and it leaves us with many more questions than answers. 

The reason the scene works as being scary is because it leaves much unknown, and fear festers in the unknown. It seems that some of the most scary moments in life are when big, important questions are left unanswered. When you’re at the doctors waiting on potentially bad news, when your life plans are derailed because you didn’t get that job or that person left you, or when you see horrendous acts of violence on the news and you can’t fathom why humans would treat each other this way. When we are left to grapple with life’s big, important questions without anyone who can give us definitive answers, it can be terrifying. 

I believe the person who is trying to handle the biggest questions in this episode is John Winchester. He sees and remembers the most from the night Mary died, and therefore he has the most questions and a lot of weight to carry. Sam will never remember this night and Dean was too young to realize what was happening. None of them saw Mary on the ceiling except John, and he alone carries that image, that burden. John had just experienced an unspeakable tragedy. 

The thing with tragedies is that even though they can often be explained in some way, humans still have a hard time grappling with the aftermath. While some may move on, many others become stuck in grief for extended periods of time, possibly for the rest of their lives. This is what happened to John. He didn’t have a “natural tragedy” to deal with; there was no hope for a natural explanation. And now, the world was no longer safe to him. There were new, unexplainable threats that could take his family away from him at any moment. I can imagine he felt alone in his knowledge of these threats and I can imagine that he felt completely powerless in that situation. That feeling of powerlessness, coupled with fear of the unknown, can make humans do dramatic, unhealthy things. John Winchester was no different.

A sense of control is really important for humans. We all need to feel that on some level that we are able to choose a direction for our lives, and that our choices will directly affect our environment. So, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that John’s actions after this night were an attempt to regain control after an event that shook his foundation. Thinking about John in this way helps me see his actions in the rest of the series as his way of trying to gain back a sense of control in his world. He wants to control the thing that scares him, much like I think we eventually see Dean doing. John’s fear led him to do many things that the fandom has deemed unforgivable. Whether or not you sympathize with John Winchester is entirely up to you and is influenced by your own personal experiences, but I think we can all relate to the feeling of fear in the face of the unknown, and the utter powerlessness we can feel in uncertain times. 

Lectio Divina 

The next segment of this letter is where we use a practice to analyze a part of the episode. We will be using “Lectio Divina,” a Christian spiritual practice for reading scriptures that involves interacting with the text on four different levels. I am following Harry Potter and the Sacred Text’s use of this practice and adapting it the best I can to the visual format. Normally, you pick a scripture or a line of text to analyze. I randomized numbers between 1 and 42 (the amount of minutes in the episode), and picked the first full line after the minute mark I was given.

Line: “That’s cus you’re out of practice… Or not.” -Dean Winchester (7:00)

Now we analyze this line on the four levels of Lectio Divina : literal (narrative), allegorical (metaphors and symbols), reflection (how do I connect to it), and invitational (what is the text asking of us or teaching us). 

Literal: What’s happening on a literal level in this scene is that Dean has broken into Sam’s house, Sam has snuck up on him, and they’ve just fought because Sam didn’t know who was in his house. Dean ends up pinning Sam to the floor, saying that he was able to do so because Sam was out of practice. “That’s cus you’re out of practice.” But when Sam promptly flips him over, pinning Dean to the ground, Dean proudly but surprisingly says, “Or not.” The scene comes across as a little heartwarming, a little funny. The two seem like natural brothers.

Allegorical: To me, this is a scene about returning. Here we have the loyal child who has stayed with his father and continued the “family business” confronting what I think of as the prodigal son. You can see the tension between the brothers play out in the fighting. But this prodigal son story is not the same one that we’re used to. This isn’t the prodigal son coming back home because he realized he was wrong. Sam left something horrifying. He left for safety and found love, a career, and independence. But despite his reasons for leaving, there’s still tension when he returns. Stepping away from your family, a friend group, a job--that’s never easy even if you have strong convictions about your reasons for doing so. There are relationships there, shared experiences, and bonds. So, I think there’s a sense of betrayal from Dean’s perspective, an invisible contract that Sam broke. Then Sam and Dean have to confront all of these feelings and experiences again. I'm impressed with the way Sam and Dean handle it. Dean could have grilled Sam about why he left, made him feel bad, or approached with a hostile attitude, but he very much is happy to see Sam and wants his help. Sam ends up helping Dean even when there’s a possibility of Sam confronting his father, and Dean risks being rejected to ask for Sam’s help. They’re each risking the status quo of their lives and making themselves vulnerable to one another by reaching out and deciding to take on this task together.

Reflection: Watching this exchange between the two of them, it reminded me of when I used to play soccer as a kid. I played for about four or five years and like to think I developed a few skills. One year recently, I was playing soccer with my younger siblings on Father’s Day and I could tell that I was out of practice, but dribbling, kicking, stopping the ball -- those movements still felt natural. I was even able to give pointers to the kids. I hadn’t touched a soccer ball in years, but that knowledge is still stored in my brain.

I think that, in the same way, Sam was forced to play out his own muscle memory while fighting with Dean, and through that, is forced to acknowledge once again the reality of his childhood and his family, of what lives in the dark and why he ran. In one fell swoop, Dean shoves that all into the forefront for Sam. A few years of building walls of safety around him and now Sam is vulnerable again, using his fighting skills to protect himself when I imagine he had begun to settle into a “normal” life. 

Invitational: There’s a question that jumps out at me after spending time contemplating this scene: how do you have the courage to confront burned bridges with other people? I don’t have a clear-cut answer but I think it takes some courage and understanding on both sides. There should be a realization from both parties that each person assumes some responsibility for what happened between them, and for this to happen, there needs to be a cool-down period and opportunity for forgiveness. Forgiveness is rarely easy. I can think of situations in my own life in which forgiveness seems impossible, and maybe it isn’t always an option. But for those situations in which time can heal, I think repairing a burnt bridge can be worth the effort. I see this play out between Sam and Dean. Dean has to overlook his feelings of abandonment by Sam, see the decision from Sam’s perspective, and practice some forgiveness. Sam has to have hope that he will be accepted by his family again and courage to face the people who feel hurt by his actions. I think there would be a lot of fear on both sides: fear of another fight, fear of rejection. But Sam and Dean are able to put aside their own fears and their own hurts for the sake of family and the bond they share. So maybe one thing this scene is asking us to do is to practice forgiveness despite our fears.

Thank you all for reading the first ever Sacred Letter of Supernatural. I hope you enjoyed our exploration of the theme this week. Before I finish this letter, I would like to end with a question for the audience. This question is for personal evaluation, but if you would like for your answer to be featured on the blog or to contribute to a discussion, please send your answers to my Tumblr inbox.

This Week’s Question:

How do you recognize when you’re afraid and how do you make decisions in the face of fear?

[carolinesbookworld]

tagged by @kabeswaters and @swellwriting <3

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? 0

describe yourself in a hashtag? very similar to @fortisfiliae #stressedanddepressed

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? Harrison Osterfield

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? prepare for disaster

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? um...idk my boyfriend knows basically everything about me sooooooo

what’s your wake up ritual? wake up, turn off alarm (bc with this at-home learning stuff i’ve been waking up like literally 1 min before my alarm goes off???), text good morning to my bf, snapchat, discord bc moonlit fam talks allll night, tumblr, get out of bed, wash face, get dressed, coffee and breakfast it’s very specific

what’s your go to bed ritual? wash glasses and face bc my skin is soo oily by the end of the day so you best believe my glasses be needing washing everyday, shower, say goodnight to fam, text bf for like 15 mins or until he says goodnight, turn alarm on, plug in phone, go to sleep

what’s your favorite time of day? morning but specifically from 7:30 until 9  

your go to for having a good laugh? FRIENDS as in the show

dream country to visit? Australia bc my dad once got to hold a baby koala there and i wanna do that so bad

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? so my family moved before my sophomore year so me and my bff started trying to surprise each other whenever one of us came to visit and the weekend of my birthday, she skypes me as she’s walking around what i thought was her house and then i start hearing an echo and next thing i know she’s standing in the doorway of my room and that was pretty much the best surprise ever

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers converse

vintage or new? new but i love vintage aesthetic i just couldn’t live with it

who do you want to write your obituary? karli @swellwriting bc she is my brain twin and i would be mocking her horrible grammar and spelling from my grave and we would both get a good laugh about it in the afterlife

style icon? the mom i babysit for haha she’s like one of my best friends tho which sounds really weird but it’s true

what are three things you cannot live without? books, dogs, days that are exactly 65 degrees

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? um idk chocolate??

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? Sarah J. Maas, Eddie Redmayne, my boyfriend bc i haven’t had dinner with him for 47 days

what’s your biggest fear in life? losing the people i love...and spiders

window or aisle seat? window bc aisle makes me anxious that i’m in people’s way

what’s your current tv obsession? the cw’s nancy drew it’s so good please go watch it

favorite app? instagram, discord, or tumblr, depends on my mood

secret talent? um idk i can draw very realistic portraits of people when i take the time to

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? okay so technically this wasn’t me who did it but i was part of the adventure. when me and my boyfriend were just “friends” ie. liked each other and knew we liked each other but were too scared to admit it. anyway, we had this elaborate plan to shave our youth group leader’s head if we were able to bring in a certain amount of food for the food drive during vbs week. so yeah we spent like three days planning the whole thing out and then decided to go price shopping at walmart with all of our younger siblings bc we needed supervision or something lol to see how many individual things of food we could buy with $20 each we ended up just getting like 20 huge boxes of ramen and then his sister ended up throwing up so we took her home and then went back to church where my car was parked but instead of turning to get to church my boyfriend decides to go straight through the stop light (it was green okay) and spontaneously drive up into the foothills. well we get to the top of the foothills and we’re at the lake and we all get out to look at the city and my boyfriend claims that we need to document this moment so he takes a selfie with all of us and we somehow ended up right next to each other in it and i only found this out like three months ago (this happened back in june) that he only took the picture because he wanted one of us together in case we didn’t start dating lol so sweet and yeah, that was a very long story but i needed context instead of just saying “yeah we drove up a mountain”

how would you define yourself in three words? loyal, anxious, passionate

favorite piece of clothing you own? this dark coral dress that makes my eyes and hair look really pretty

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a hoodie

a superpower you would want? i want to be able to project my thoughts into someone else’s mind bc i’m so bad at explaining stuff sometimes especially when it comes to how i feel

what’s inspiring you in life right now? ACOTAR series by Sarah J. Maas, highly recommend

best piece of advice you’ve received? opening up to more than one person is important because if you lose that person then you’ve lost all your support

best advice you’d give your teenage self? the friends who have stuck around this long are the ones you want to hang onto and the ones that you need are the ones you don’t always see

a book everyone should read? The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

what would you like to be remembered for? being a crazy dog mama

how do you define beauty? confidence in yourself and not caring what others think about you

what do you love most about your body? my metabolism

best way to take a rest/decompress? open a window to feel the breeze and listen to Islands by Hey Ocean! which is so calming to me

favorite place to view art? nature or tumblr

if your life was a song, what would the title be? we’re going with a fob/p!atd theme here and calling it “depression screwed me over so i screwed it back and ended up worse off”

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? probably on my forearm or by my left hip

dolphins or koalas? koalas did i mention that i want to hold a baby koala

what’s an animal that represents you? great dane puppy ie. very excitable but will also take a four hour nap when tired

best gift you’ve ever received? my best friend made this photo collage for me when i moved that is hanging in my room and it has a bunch of pictures of me and her over the years and i just love it

best gift you’ve given? for christmas i gave my boyfriend a hammock and the bookshelf addition of clue, two things he had no idea i would remember him mentioning and his face was priceless. also i made my mom a cake for her birthday this year and she was so happy and said it made her feel very special <3

what’s your favorite board game? clue or ticket to ride (specifically nordic countries)

what’s your favorite color? currently a pale turquoise

least favorite color? any shade of light brown

diamond or pearls? diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore bc i don’t wear makeup enough to validate buying designer, also i don’t really care

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee cof-

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? palindrome is wild because it means a word spelled the same way forwards and backwards but it itself is not one such word

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk

stairs or elevators? stairs

summer or winter? summer but like, only june

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? panera mac n cheese

a dessert you don’t like? red velvet cake which btw is not red-colored chocolate cake as many would have you believe

a skill you’re working on mastering? writing

best thing to happen to you today? i got to put all of my new plants in my windowsill and i named one of them (its name is albert in case you were wondering)

worst thing to happen to you today? idk today’s been pretty good as far as quarantine goes

best compliment you’ve ever received? my boyfriend calls me beautiful all the time and he always reminds me that that is describing looks and personality

favorite smell? coffee or my boyfriend’s sweatshirt for the week after i steal it

hugs or kisses? can i choose both?? depends on my mood mostly but i guess hugs if i just had to pick one

if you made a documentary, would it be about? literally anything relating to the mcu

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? a court of wings and ruin by sjm

lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? literally any female in the teen wolf cast

how do you know you’re in love? hahahaha haha what's love

a song you can listen to on repeat? we fall apart by we as human or uma thurman by fob

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? idk my boyfriend probably, this is something we have discussed in depth

what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? for life to go back to normal

tagging @finnofamerica @woakiees @beskarjedi @outerlacy @swanimagines hahahahaha have funnnnn this took me an hour to answer